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chiffon-and-spice · 11 months

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RE HC's: Attachment Style, Love Languages

(Keep in mind these are literally all HC's and if you disagree, it's not cannon so don't get your dick in a twist. This is literally just how I see the characters. Most are bisexual because… it just feels fitting to me. Idk. If you don't see a character here that you'd like me to do, please let me know.)

Characters in this Post: Rebecca Chambers, Billy Coen, Albert Wesker, Chris Redfield, Jill Valentine, Leon Kennedy, Claire Redfield, Ada Wong, and Carlos Oliveira. (if you'd like a character not mentioned here done, feel free to ask <3)

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Rebecca Chambers-

Sexuality: Bi/Demi-sexual

Zodiac: Virgo

Love Language: Becca definitely expresses her love through acts of service. She may not be all that great at expressing herself through words, and being busy with work allows her little time to be close to you in person. She will do little things like fold your clothes if they're still in the dryer, make your bed, do those chores you aren't looking forward to, and so much more. She loves the idea of helping make your life a little more easier. When it comes to being shown love however, Rebecca loves words of affirmation. She thrives best when you give her hella love and reassurance. Not being good with words, she admires how freely you can talk about your feelings for her. It literally lights up her soul.

Attachment Style: Despite a lot of the struggles Rebecca has been through, she's pretty secure in herself and the relationships she gets in. Even though she struggles with her words, she's super effective at communicating her feelings when it comes to issues. Rebecca is also really good at self-reflection and will work on herself in all the places she falters, to ensure you two have the most healthy dynamic. She's super trusting of you, and does not hesitate to give out reassurance if you ask.

Billy Coen-

Sexuality: Bisexual

Zodiac: Taurus

Love Language: Billy expresses his love through physical touch. Whether it be through gentle caresses or playful pokes and punches, he lovesss touching you in any way. He can't seem to keep his hands off of you. You go out, he will kick you playfully under the table, and in the morning he's the one to cling to you and not want you to get out of bed. Morning sex is a given with him. He loves to make you feel good, and he feels best when he's touching you. When it comes to being shown love, Billy is a big fan of quality time. He doesn't care what it is you're doing, he wants to be close. You have to go to the grocery store to do some mundane task, nothing makes him more excited than you inviting him to go. He especially loves when you take time off of work or other things to be with him. Knowing you took time out of your day and your life to make room for him makes his day.

Attachment Style: Billy hasn't had the best of luck in the relationship department, especially with his past, and it makes him weary of who to trust. He's got an anxious attachment style, and while he craves love he's also terrified it isn't genuine. Billy can be super clingy at points, and sometimes struggles when you don't seem to have time for him. He needs constant reassurance, that you're for him and only him. He realizes this about himself, and always makes sure to tell you before you start dating. When given reassurance, he is the happiest boy, and he will never tire of you showing him just how much you love him.

Albert Wesker-

Sexuality: Pansexual (this is actually not a stretch as his VA played him as a queer man Link

Zodiac: Aries

Love Language: Albert expresses his love through giving gifts. Bro is not good with words and not a fan of being touched. But if he's sees something that reminds him of you, he will absolutely get it. He will shower you in gifts. You mention needing a new set of pens to take notes, he's already half-way to the store, buying the specific ball-point or gel pens you require. Working late, he's stopping by your workplace with food from your favorite place. Have a favorite show or little obession, he will buy anything for you that relates to said thing. When it comes to being given love, Albert loves acts of service. When you do things for him, it makes his life a lot easier. Especially if it's something he's not looking forward to. Nothing impresses him more than you doing something for him, when he didn't even have to ask for it.

Attachment Style: Albert 1,000% has disorganized attachment. One minute you think he's absolutely into you, and the next he is running for the hills. He's terrified of rejection, but also craves acceptance. Albert sometimes completely shuts down and doesn't talk to you about his concerns with the relationship. A lot of the time, even he doesn't know why he's being distant. It doesn't seem to matter how good you treat him, he always has anxiety about your relationship, but if you're super patient with him he can be the most tender and loving soul you can have. Often the relationship may be confusing, and Albert doesn't really talk about his feelings. Sometimes, he can even be a little aggressive and lash out, but he always apologizes and begs for you to stay.

Chris Redfield-

Sexuality: Bisexual/Demiromantic (takes bro a lot to be romantically into you)

Zodiac: Scorpio

Love Language: Chris expresses his love through acts of service, man struggles with words like Wesker and physical touch can be too much for him sometimes. But occupying himself with things to do that'll make you happy is how he loves showing you his love. He can get physical every once in awhile, but he kinda does that with a lot of people, so it isn't exactly how he expresses his love. Doing things for you also allows him to express his love for you in a way that makes him feel comfortable. Like your coffee a certain way? Chris is working his ass off to make sure you get it. When it comes to being shown love Chris surprisingly likes words of affirmation. He can't speak for himself, so when you talk about how you feel it makes him weak. He wants more than anything to be able to speak the way you do, and that's why he appreciates when you do it so well. Using your words sometimes can be a bit much for him, and makes him want to pull away, but in the long run he does find comfort in them.

Attachment Style: Chris has an avoidant attachment style. He feels like he has to go through everything on his own, and if he isn't strong enough to do it by himself then it makes him feel weak. He can seem extremely emotionally closed off at points, which makes it difficult to communicate effectively with him. He has a bit of a negative mentality, that relationships aren't necessary and he does best on his own. Good luck getting him to talk about his feelings, because this man is closed up tighter than a shell. Most of his relationships have been in the casual/one-night stand area. Chris is the first to walk off during an argument, and can definitely hold a grudge. Being patient with him is pretty rewarding however, as he apologizes after awhile. This is very hard for him, but when he cares about you, he will try to better himself.

Jill Valentine-

Sexuality: Bi/Greysexual

Zodiac: Libra

Love Language: When it comes to expressing her love, Jill loves spending time with you. She will take breaks from work, and when she works from home she will seek you out in the house. Even if it's sitting in silence, she wants to be by your side. She's very dedicated to her job, so she can't think of a better way to show you how much she cares than to distance herself from work. She loves physical touch, and nothing makes her feel more appreciated than when you touch her. Especially on the thighs or arms. It drives her wild. Underneath that badass exterior, she's a cuddly bunny. When walking around in public, and you throw your arm around her shoulders, she never feels more loved and secure. Even if she knows she can take care of herself, having you around makes her feel secure and comfortable.

Attachment Style: Despite being a bit obsessive with Umbrella, Jill has a bit more of a secure attachment style. The most issues you may have is maybe not getting her full attention at times, but she will quickly rectify it if you point it out. She's effective at communicating her wants and needs and really appreciates when her partner does the same thing. Like Rebecca, she is also kind of patient, but she won't tolerate certain behavior past a point. If she's making a big effort, she expects you to do the same. She's super understanding of your traumas and past however, and will do her best to help you. She also encourages you not to be codependent and overall just wants you both to grow as people.

Leon Kennedy-

Sexuality: Bisexual (bro fucks a ton after RE2)

Zodiac: Leo

Love Language: Leon expresses his love through physical touch. Bro is so touch starved, he gets his cuddles in any time he can. Practically clinging to you like a koala. He loves running his hands through your hair and being big spoon to you. He covers you in kisses to, if the skin is exposed, he's going for it. Big fan of hickeys to, and loves marking you in easy to see spots. He also loves recieving love this way. When you hold his hand in public, he still gets little butterflies. Pressing yourself a little more into him, when you guys are sleeping, is the hottest thing you can do for him. Practically melts from it. He loves rougher touches to. Like you running your nails down his back or biting his lips when you kiss.

Attachment Style: Leon has an anxious attachment style, and is terrified of getting close to people. Like most of the RE men it seems. 😭 Probably cause he's seen so much death. When he does start getting close, he struggles to let go. He can be suffocating at points, with how much he wants to be around you. He wants to take every second in, because he's so paranoid about it being your last together. While Leon doesn't communicate his feelings verbally, you can easily read when things are off and after a bit of work he may reluctantly open a little. He's very hard to crack. Leon is very efficient at asking about your feelings however, and will gladly hear all of your problems. Somehow, despite not knowing how to fix his only problems, he always seems to have solutions for yours.

Claire Redfield-

Sexuality: Lesbian (cry about it)

Zodiac: Aquarius

Love Language: Claire is surprisingly great with words, and loves to show it. She expresses how she loves you through words of affirmation. She will tell you she loves you every single day, and she means it with all her heart. Claire is the type of partner to send you loving paragraphs before bed, and makes sure you get a goodmorning text every morning. She leaves sticky notes everywhere to when she thinks about it, with little things she loves about you. When it comes to being shown love however, Claire really enjoys quality time. Expressing that you want to actually spend time with her whenever you can means the world to her. Growing up with Chris, who's been very busy since she was a kid, she's always valued the little time she gets to spend with her loved ones.

Attachment Style: Claire learned a lot from Chris, which made her have the exact opposite attachment style as him. Being practically raised by him and having a good relationship with him, she's pretty secure in her attachments. Even when things get rough, she's always understanding and holds out hope. Claire has always been good at being self-sufficient, so she doesn't need to be around you 24/7 or hear from you constantly. Doubts don't really get a hold of her in your relationship, and she's super easy to connect and be vulnerable with. She'll even talk about her own personal experiences just to make you feel more comfortable.

Ada Wong-

Sexuality: Bisexual

Zodiac: Gemini

Love Language: Ada never explicitly states what or how she's feeling, she's very much a woman of action. This is why she expresses her love through physical touch. Though she's not entirely clingy with it. If you're around, it could be as simple as her feet across your lap, while you watch tv. When it comes to physical touch for her, it's not the soft little gently caresses you're used to. She likes to be rough, and she will not hesitate to pounce on you. When it comes to being shown love, Ada enjoys receiving gifts. Not being given things too frequently, it means the world to her when her partners comes to her with something they bought specifically because it reminded them of her. Hell, even if it's not something she quite understands or likes, she will try to play it cool while freaking out on the inside. Despite Ada's distant exterior, she's definitely an absolute softie.

Attachment Style: Girl has got disorganized attachment style, one hundo percent. She's hot and cold with anyone she's with, and you always second guess just how she feels about you. You convince yourself that it's part of the fun, and the second you start to distance yourself as well, she's showing right back up. Ada feels undeserving of a healthy relationship, so when she gets a good thing her first instinct is to flee. Being that she isn't entirely true to herself and is always putting up a mask, it's hard for her to make genuine connections. Ada is sick of the mask however, and is so desperately ready to let it drop and be loved. Once you have her, even if it feels like you don't, you're stuck with her. She will harass you for the rest of your life, and play it off as anything but an interest in you.

Carlos Oliveira-

Sexuality: Bisexual (he came out to me in character ai, so practically cannon)

Zodiac: Saggittarius

Love Language: Carlos loves spending time with his partner. When it comes to his work, he doesn't get a lot of free time, so the best way he expresses his love by using what little he does have with you. Hell, he'd take time off just to be with you. Despite being a massive flirt, when things get serious he isn't the best at expressing himself in a way that isn't lighthearted or teasing. So instead he shows it, by dropping everything just to be around you, if you so please. During his breaks, he stops by your workplace whether it be to give you a little kiss or something more. He checks up on you with facetime calls frequently, when he's away and can't stand when work pulls him away from you. When it comes to being shown love however, Carlos very much likes things to be physical. Anyone can say words, he knows this more than anyone being the huge flirty whore (affectionately) he is, but to actually act on these things sends his heart soaring. And not just sex, though Carlos is very fond of that aspect to, he's more into the careful and intimate touches. Being hugged from behind, soft kisses along his neck, you playing with his hair, he practically folds over it.

Attachment Style: Weirdly enough, Carlos is pretty secure in his attachments, though I think he's cautious about entering a committed relationship with someone. He doesn't just feel that kind of love with anyone, and when things do go beyond flirting and hook ups, you know you've got something special with him. Carlos might not be the best with words, but he's an amazing listener and will gladly listen to whatever possible issues that may arise between you two. Even if he struggles with how to put things into words, he tries his best to open up with you as well. Carlos's work has always kept him pretty occupied, so he's never really felt too wound up about being away from his partner or having to put some healthy distance between you to. If you can work with his pretty hectic schedule, he will gladly work with you. Carlos is also a super gentle lover when no one is looking. All his rough talk and flirts are definitely for show, and the second you start getting a little bit serious with him, he gets flustered.

#resident evil fic #leon kennedy x reader #resident evil x reader #carlos oliveria x reader #jill valentine x reader #claire redfield x reader #chris redfield x reader #ada wong x reader #resident evil headcanons #resident evil #rebecca chambers x reader #rebecca chambers #billy coen x reader

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matty-bear · 3 months

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“But I’m Not Yours.” [M.S]

Type: fic!

pairing: matt sturniolo x fem!reader

warnings: sfw, angst

summary: You realize you have developed very strong feelings for Matt but you never expect the pain and heartbreak that would come with it.

notes: based on what i’m going through right now with a crush/friend I’ve had since September 🔥 I made a playlist to try to cope with my feelings for him earlier and it’s nearly 10 hours long 😭 I need serious help guys… Anyways, hope you enjoy reading this! :D

WC: 3725

.・.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。..・.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・..・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

I’m somebody you call when you’re alone

I’m somebody you use, but never own

You and Matt have been attached to the hip ever since y’all met in high school. You were very lucky to become friends with the boy considering how he skipped the majority of school due to his anxiety. When he did come, you tried your best to keep him grounded when his anxiety got too overwhelming for him and prevented him from partaking in anything.

At the beginning of y’all’s friendship, you were both very affectionate with each other and it wasn’t unusual for someone to see the two of you hugging or clinging onto one another. The two of you found so much comfort in each other in such a short amount of time so all of this came very naturally and quickly for y’all.

Around a year into your friendship, you realized something that would soon become an issue after getting rejected by a crush. The day you got turned down, you texted Matt telling him what happened the moment you got home. As he was comforting you and giving you advice, one thing that he said stuck to you.

“I feel like it’s a lot easier to have a crush on your friend. You won’t have to worry about befriending your crush since you already know them!”

Matt’s words replayed over and over in your head for the next few days. And the more you thought about what he said, you soon came to the realization that you had a crush on him. The moment you realized, it all became so clear to you. How could you ignore the multiple signs that were in front of your face?

Every time y’all hung out together, you felt extra giddy inside and when you looked at each other, your heart beat so loudly in your chest that you were surprised it didn’t jump out of your skin. Not to mention how nervous you got when you caught him looking at you! Another factor that played into you liking the boy was how much he genuinely cared for you. He was one of the only few people that really understood you and was constantly there for you. You’ve opened up to him about so many things and he’s remembered all of it.

And when I mean all of it, I mean all of it.

He remembered every little detail about you and it made you so happy that someone actually cared. How could you not like a boy like Matt? Sure he was very attractive, but he has such amazing qualities that make him a great person to be around. You enjoyed every little moment you had with him. Even if it was a short conversation that the two of you had during passing period at school, you cherished every single moment you had with him.

When you came to terms with your feelings, you found yourself falling for him. And you fell hard. Nick would even say that you were “whipped for him.” (Which wasn’t far from the truth. The boy had you wrapped around his finger without even knowing it himself.) The more y’all hung out, the more your feelings grew and you soon couldn’t take it anymore. After about a month and a half of discovering your feelings for Matt, you confessed to him. You were an anxious and shaking wreck when you opened up to him.

You feared that he wouldn’t feel the same and possibly cut off your friendship. And you couldn’t bear losing Matt over some stupid feelings that you couldn’t control. But after you confessed and heard Matt say “Y/N, I like you too” and the boy proceeded to go into his own little confession where he gushed about you, you felt like you were over the moon.

However, due to some of his relationship trauma, the boy wasn’t very keen on getting into a relationship with you at the moment. He was still healing from an old relationship from about two years ago that left him heavily scarred. He told you that he would absolutely love to be in a relationship with you but not at the moment since he needed to heal. So, like any good person would, you heard him out and agreed to put a hold on getting together.

Ever since you two confessed to each other, the physical touch increased significantly. There was more hugging and y’all even started holding hands secretly in class since neither of you were big fans of PDA. Matt would even write you notes on small stickys telling you how much he loved and appreciated you. It always made your heart flutter when you read those notes and you always kept them in a notebook along with other small things he wrote for you.

As y’all’s feelings for each other grew, you both got more open in terms of relationships. As in calling each other subtle pet names like ‘Love’ or telling each other what you’d want in a relationship. Every time you told Matt about what you’d want to do with a guy, he always told you that he’d be willing to complete your wishes. This always made you so happy because he actually wanted to make you happy when y’all got together.

However as weeks passed, you noticed Matt started to get distant and less affectionate.

There was no more hand holding, notes, hugs, and your goodnight messages were getting left on seen or delivered. He even asked you to stop with the pet names, which you obviously did because you didn’t wanna make him uncomfortable. All of this made you very upset because he was all over you one moment and really distant the next. You were very confused and hurt.

So you decided to text him.

When you messaged him confronting him on why he’s been getting distant, you felt your entire world crumble to your feet when he told you that he no longer had feelings for you and the entire time it was just mutual feelings. He went on and said that he apologizes and that his past relationship is getting him confused on being able to differentiate between crushes and a strong friendship. Feeling very hurt and upset, you told Matt that you understand and that you’d wait for him because of how strong your feelings were for him. After y’all’s conversation, you sobbed for hours.

You thought you actually had a chance with him and went through all of that together just for him to tell you that the feelings were mutual all this time?..

You were absolutely crushed.

As time passed, y’all began to grow distant and you felt that things were starting to become awkward. And this made you panic. The mere thought of you getting distant from Matt was starting to frighten you a little because you relied on him so much and he was one of the only few people you had. You opened up to him countless times about how you’ve felt and the same response that he gave you was “you’re just not talking to me as much as you used to. I try to talk to you but it’s like you’re not even trying to engage in a simple conversation with me anymore.”

This response obviously made you feel like you were the issue and made you feel absolutely horrible. You began to think that your strong feelings for the boy were getting in the way of y’all’s friendship and you didn’t want that. So you tried your best to get rid of these feelings as best as you could just so things could go back to normal. It seemed to work for a little while but your feelings were always there, no matter how hard you tried to push them away.

I’m somebody you touch, but never hold

And you’re somebody I’ll never really know

Time skip to about three months later, you and Matt are somewhat back to normal and you managed to get rid of your feelings.

Or so you thought.

The main thing you missed the most about yalls friendship was the physical touch. You missed his hugs; his warm, comforting hugs that never failed to keep you at bay. Matt also seemed to miss this part of y'all's friendship and agreed to take the physical touch slowly to get back into the old rhythm of things. Soon enough, you both eased back into the hugs, which you were wanting and wishing for the most. You still felt awkward engaging in them sometimes and you just didn’t know why.

Despite you thinking that you two were back to normal, you continuously felt like you were losing him. Matt, knowing you better than anyone, immediately picked up on your off behavior and asked you how you were doing in private. It took you a minute, but you soon told him how you felt about the current situation. After the boy let you rant, he gave you nothing but sweet reassurance about how he would never leave you and that he treasured very much. This made you feel a lot better and you both shared a hug. One that felt nostalgic to you. It was warm, and very comforting and didn’t hold any awkwardness or tension.

But as the days passed, you couldn’t help the aching feeling in your chest each time you saw him laughing with his other friends as you were left off to the side. Was it jealousy? You really didn’t know. He just seemed to want to hang out with other people besides you and he seemed a lot happier. You obviously didn’t confront him about it because you felt selfish thinking about it. Sure you hinted about the fact that he kept leaving you for other people but never told him straight up in fear that you would ruin y’all’s already rocky friendship.

This caused you to take a rather large step back and distance yourself due to feeling that he no longer had any interest in y’all’s friendship. Him leaving you for other people multiple times was a sign of him losing interest, right? Sure, he could have other friends. You would never hold him back from that. But he kept leaving you in the dust. Despite this, you always found yourself drifting back to him. You couldn’t help but to drift back because you missed him so much.

Every time you watched him interact and have fun with his other friends, you always had an aching feeling in your chest because that’s how you two used to be. Laughing over stupid shit and not caring about a single thing around you. You just focused on each other.

You missed it.

The two of you were getting distant. You knew it deep down. But the two of you always pushed the thought of it away and acted like y’all were fine.

When it obviously wasn’t.

There was something holding yall back.

And you knew that that something was your strong feelings for him. It had to be. It was ruining everything.

I know I’m not the one you really love

I guess that’s why I’m never given up

You tried so hard to get rid of your feelings for Matt. And you actually thought you succeeded at some point. But when he told you about a crush that he developed on a girl, you couldn’t help but feel upset. Sure, y’all’s situation-ship happened a while ago but he seemed to have very strong feelings for this crush of his. He moved on and you were still longing for him deep down. You were very happy for the boy and gave him advice on how he should approach this crush of his because that’s what friends do but you always felt this aching in your chest afterwards.

This feeling only worsened when he told you that he asked the girl out. It made you think back to how y’all used to be. He was so hesitant to get into a relationship with you and told you that he didn't want to get into one anytime soon but he didn’t hesitate to jump into a relationship with this girl who he only knew for about a month. It made you feel really hurt. It made you feel like he led you on.

‘Cause I could give you all you want, the stars and the sun

But I’m, I’m not enough

As weeks passed and you watched Matt get deeper into his relationship, you felt your heart twist and turn. You wished that was you. You thought it was going to be you in a happy relationship with him but it was clear that it wasn’t. He was all over his newly found girlfriend and hung out with her nearly every single day. When you two talked, he was always texting her and didn’t pay much attention to you despite you being right next to him. When you texted him, he always gushed about her.

It was always about her.

You knew he was deeply in love with this girl. It was clear. And you knew you couldn’t do anything to make him change his feelings for her. As deeply as you wanted to get together with him, you didn’t dare to get between his relationship. What kind of person would you be if you did? A horrible one that’s what. And you didn’t want that.

So you stood by the side, watching him be happy with his girlfriend. You never told Matt that you still had feelings for him. Why would you bother? He would immediately reject you. You tried to find new crushes but each time you drifted back to him. Even though you genuinely thought you were deep in a crush with someone else, your heart prevented you from doing anything with them because it knew you were still not over Matt.

You missed him. He was so caught up with his girlfriend that he started talking to you less. Yes, he did text you here and there but it was mainly about his girlfriend. You didn’t say anything about it because he was actually talking to you. And you took everything that you could get because you missed him.

All I really wanted was that look in your eyes

Like you already know that I’m the love of your life

As much as you missed y’all’s friendship, you missed the intimate moments the most. As much as you tried to ignore the fact, you knew you did. You missed how he looked at you as if you were the love of his life. You missed the love-sick notes he wrote you every day. Hell, you still had them in your notebook! You couldn’t bring yourself to get rid of them. As much as it hurt you each time you flipped to the page, you didn’t have it in you to throw it all away. It reminded you of what y’all had. And you missed what y’all had. You missed the subtle hand holding, the back hugs during class, the small gifts y’all gave each other, the late night calls where you often fell asleep with each other on FaceTime. You missed everything y’all did.

Like you already know you’re never sayin’ goodbye

But I’m not yours

Matt would never know the things you would do for him. Hell, you would do anything and everything for him. Everytime he asked you to do him a favor, you didn’t hesitate to do it for him. You dropped everything for him. Which sounds very unhealthy but you couldn’t help it. You missed him and loved him. You were whipped. You were wrapped around his pinkie finger.

And he was oblivious about all of it.

You wanted all of it back. You wanted to be all over him and be able to gush about him openly. And you missed how he would gush about you as well and how he seemed so obsessed with you. However you knew you would never get it back because he was so in love with someone else.

You clinged and held onto every moment y’all had with each other. Even if y'all were simply standing next to each other, you cherished it. At least you were with him. At least you saw him. It made you feel desperate but you just missed him. You tried so hard to try to spark up a conversation but your stupid feelings just made you feel awkward.

You had no idea what to do and you blamed it on your undeniable feelings for the boy. Your heart prevented you from acting like how you usually would with him and you didn’t know how to fix it.

I want more, I want more

But I’m not yours

All you wanted was to get together with him. Yes, you did miss how y’all’s friendship used to be but all you really wanted was to be happy with him. That's what your heart longed for. To show him how madly in love you were with him. But you couldn’t because he was dating someone else and had no plans on breaking up with his girlfriend. You knew how happy he was with her. She always boosted his mood when he was down (You used to boost his mood when he was down.) and just made him so happy in general. She was the perfect girlfriend for him. She never hesitated to show her love for him or post him on her story. They were practically made for each other and everyone knew it. You had to admit you were a little jealous. I mean, how could you not be? You were watching the love of your life be happy with someone else.

And I can’t change your mind

But you’re still mine

As much as you tried to discard your feelings, they never went away. You tried everything in the book; giving him icks, distancing yourself, picturing him doing embarrassing things, you tried everything and none of it worked. Your feelings were going to permanently stick with you and you had no choice but to accept it.

Eventually you did accept it and just allowed your feelings to swallow you whole. Which was a very horrible mistake on your part because the urge to be as affectionate as possible and urge to gush over the boy grew stronger. You wanted to tell him how you felt about him so badly but you knew that it would ruin everything and cause him to drift even farther away from you.

Matt was the number one person in your heart. The boy that you cared the most about. Your favorite person. You would do anything for him. But you knew that he didn't feel the same about you. You probably weren't even on the list of people he cared for. You were most like an extra in his life. A person who he doesn't speak much to unless it was necessary. (Or if he wanted to talk about his girlfriend) You were perfectly fine with being an extra. (You really weren't deep down.) As long as he was still in your life, you were happy.

I should’ve known that it was dumb love

15 dozen roses

All the things that I’ve done for you not to notice

The reason why this whole situation hurt so badly was because Matt was your first genuine crush. You did have quite a few crushes and even dated a few people in grade school but the outcome never turned out well. Two years prior to your realizing that you had feelings for Matt, you were in a relationship that you had to end yourself because you were highly uncomfortable and didn't want to lead the person on. (Ending it was very difficult for you because you never initiated the break ups. The person you were with usually did.)

Matt was your first love. People say first loves hurt the most because it's the first experience of a deep emotional connection with someone. Some people are lucky to have a successful first love where they get married and even potentially have a family, but the vast majority experience severe heartbreak. And that's exactly what you were going through. And you continued to allow yourself to get hurt by the boy because you couldn't bear to lose him. He was just too important to you.

Can’t believe I chose you over all my best friends

What the fuck did I do?

In the end?

You were willing to give up anyone and everyone for him. If he told you to drop someone because they weren’t “good enough for you,” you would do it in a heartbeat. He knows you better than everyone else so he had to be right! Right? And he wouldn’t lie like that to you either right?

…right?

You would choose Matt over anyone. All your friends knew you favorited him. (They also continuously told you how unhealthy this situation had become) They knew how head over heels you were for him. Hell, they often brought up his name randomly in a conversation that you weren’t a part of just to see how quickly you would turn around. They found it funny how much you loved him.

But you didn’t find it funny whatsoever because he was causing you so much pain.

And he didn’t know it.

And he never will.

Just to not be yours

As you continued to hold onto the few remaining threads of y’all’s relationship, you watched him be happy with his girlfriend. You watched and wished that it was you and wished that you could be happy with him.

To this day, you still struggle with your feelings. You kept going into denial about them but they always hit you with full force when you thought you finally got rid of them.

You will continue to wait for him. For however long it takes. Even if you have to watch him get into a hundred more relationships, you will continue to stay by his side; waiting for when you have a chance to finally capture his heart like he did to yours.

But for now, you will continue to watch on the sidelines and wait.

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #matt x reader #matt sturniolo fluff #matt sturniolo imagine #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x you #matt sturniolo angst #nick sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris x reader #nick x reader #sturniolo x reader #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo imagine #matthew sturniolo #Spotify

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 6 months

Note

I suspect I know the answer but. AITA for "disappearing" from my online accounts pretty regularly?

I (22) have been fairly active in online fandom culture since I was ~13. Most of that has been on tumblr, some on twitter/tiktok/discord. I bounce around between different fandoms-- there's not really any one fandom that has stuck since I was a kid-- and I'm not a big creator. I don't do art, I occasionally write fanfic but never anything that's gotten super famous (which I'm cool with, I write for the enjoyment of myself and the like 5 other freaks who like the same things I do. it would honestly really bother me if I got too much attention.)

I also have some issues with paranoia and social detachment. I dealt with rather severe childhood abuse, which I'm not going to discuss, but which basically means I'm very emotionally detached. I have solo hobbies i really enjoy, and I like discussing common interests (like fandom stuff) with people, but I've never really had friends/romantic interests, and have zero interest in either of those things. The only people I'm really close to are my siblings. I'm definitely not an introvert, not shy/socially anxious, and not lonely. I have morals and care about society in a general sense, and I want the best for people, so I try to be polite and a Good Person as much as possible-- but ultimately I don't feel any kind of attachment to other people. I really don't want to hurt people, I just want to be left alone.

I really try to politely communicate this to people, since I've had quite a few incidents where I've been told I "lead people on", or people thinking we're friends and then getting upset when they realize I really don't care that much about them. It does make me feel bad to hurt others like that (and is also frustrating to deal with), but I can't exactly force myself to have emotions. I get along well with my irl coworkers/classmates/roommates, since they understand I just need a lot of space. Where I may be TA is with online friends.

About once every 6-12 months, I delete my entire online presence and start over. I orphan my ao3 fics, delete any and all accounts, and make sure my new accounts don't in any way link back to my old accounts. Usually when I do this it's because 1 I've changed interests and don't care about my old fandom, or 2 I feel like the people I know online start getting too close and emotionally attached to me. I usually post an explanation a few days before so people don't think something bad happened, saying that I'm going to be taking a break from social media for a while, and if anyone asks me for another way to contact me I just say I'm going to be completely offline. Then I just.... wipe everything and start over. I don't really know what my old mutuals are doing and don't particularly care? Like obviously I wish all the best for them, but I just don't think about them at all.

I've been doing this since I was a young teenager, but I was discussing fandom/social media presence with some irl classmates recently and brought it up. The reactions ranged from "weird but harmless" to "super mean and hurtful to the people you abandoned".

So: tumblr, AITA for disappearing?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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purpleyoonn · 1 year

Text

The Line Between Love and War 6

C H A P T E R 6:

DRESS FITTINGS AND GUMMY WORMS

“It is said that the night sky is made up of tiny wishes that humans were never able to fulfill. That the stars only became bright by the fulfillment of those wishes. In your eyes, the stars that shine never seemed real, your childhood wishes dark and dim as you grow. But now, now you understand the twinkle in their eyes as they look down at you.”

Summary: Your experiences told you that soulmates were something you would never have the pleasure of having; something not given to you because of who you are, despite the soulmark that resides on your inner left wrist. During your solo trip to Los Angeles, you find out that you are more than capable, that your soulmates had been waiting for you for a long time, and would not be letting you go anytime soon.

Genre: soulmate au, bts au, idol bts, polyamory relationship, eventual smut

Paring: Idol!BTS x autistic!mc

Status: Ongoing (randomly updated)

Warnings: mental illness, talk of disability, lots of angst, miscommunication, feelings of depression, feelings of isolation, polyamory bts, stalking, dangerous behavior, eventual smut,

Chapter Warnings: some anxious feelings, bonding, sensory issues with touch, protective bangtan, protective hobi, insecurities, again not much,

Taglist: @azazel-nyx @yuzon3 @hannahdinse8 @quirkybtsarmy @mageprincess7 @fluffy-canada-pancakes @suckerforv @chaoticthingpizza @drissteele @carolinexkpop @avadakadabra93 @lachimolala22019 @justaweird0 @singukieee @welcometomyworld13 @toughbook @kimana122 @kpopmultistantrashsstuff @0funsite0 @joyless-living @sinceritythatcouldntbedelivered @elliott-calls

Masterlist // Chapter 5 // Chapter 7

————————————————–

Previously on The Line Between Love and War:

It was a puddle day, Jungkook thought, as the group of singers made a large blanket bed on the floor, pushing away the large coffee table and the couches as everyone grabbed a spot close to you once Namjoon placed you in the middle of the large nest.

Everyone falling asleep holding onto each other, smiles gracing their lips as they realized they had they newest mate in their grasp, happy and comfortable with them. Something they thought would never happen.

When you woke up, it was to someone’s fingers tracing your jaw and features. You can’t remember who you fell asleep next to, the sleeping positions having changed multiple times over the night.

You couldn’t help but to seek the warmth in front of you, feeling the rough shirt on your nose had you scrunching it at the feeling, causing a soft laugh to erupt, the person in front of you holding you tighter as their chest rumbled. You knew it was Jimin, his laughter just so sweet that you knew it was him.

You could feel movement behind you, voices moving in and out of the room as you hear footsteps rustling and blankets moving. Discussions of plans and times for the day as you clung to Jimin, wanting more time with him and the warmth you were getting. And when you felt someone move in and attach themselves to your back, you couldn’t help but to shiver at the doubled warmth.

“Good morning, baby.” Jungkook’s morning voice has you wanting to drown in the cadence of his timbre. You tried to respond, but no words could come out, only a groan like sound as you tried to turn so you were facing Jungkook.

“I know that you are so comfy, baby, but it’s time to get up. I’ve just finished laundry but I think Hobi hyung has something picked out for you already.” He kissed your temple before Jimin helped him untangle you from the blankets.

“C’mon baby.” Jimin huffed as you tried to bury yourself deeper into the blanket nest. It took about five minutes for them to get you out, a pout on your face as the two grinned at you.

“Fine…I guess I’ll get up.” Your nose scrunched up at their laughter, deciding to abandon the two troublemakers and go and see what Hobi picked out for you to wear.

Today was the day before the American Music Awards, and this meant last minute fittings and rehearsal. Well, for the boys it did. You were unsure of your place in that moment. You didn’t know if you would be going with them like they had wanted, or if you would be watching from the hotel room, Seungho by your side.

Hobi had picked out a matching sweatshirt/sweatpants combo for you to wear with him. One of the couple outfits he had bought and hidden from you, only bringing out when he deems it appropriate. In reality, all of the boys had done this, hiding the matching outfits in their own suitcases, hoping you don’t go looking for t-shirts to “steal” again.

You only gave a small laugh when he handed you the clothing, already seeing him dressed and ready and knowing how the day was going to go. You figured today was a day where you would be Hobi’s buddy.

In the week you had been with them, you had come to find that there were certain times or even days where you just gravitated to one of the members, seeking them out or them seeking you out. You almost felt like your soul was pushing you to the member, knowing inherently what you needed even if you didn’t.

And it turned out your soul and Hobi’s soul was right, as you sought him out as you began to feel a bit off.

Your morning had been passing slowly, the last dress fitting had been going for a couple of hours now and you were now being pushed onto the small stool, a woman you didn’t recognize from the boys’ team was holding a measuring tape to your legs. You felt really uncomfortable with the sudden change in plan as you didn’t know if you were going to be attending the event tomorrow.

You looked around for Hobi, trying to catch his eye as he was finishing with his suit jacket. A needle being poked into your thigh had you jumping on the stool, almost falling backwards if the woman hadn’t grabbed your hand to help you steady yourself. Immediately, the feeling of touching concrete was felt across your skin, right where the woman held your hand.

“Please stay still.” She spoke to you a little clipped as if she was annoyed with you. You tried your hardest to freeze, but still tried to catch Hobi’s eye. It took a couple of seconds, as if your soul was reaching for his, but when he did look at you, he looked away quickly to speak to whoever was dressing him, and then he started walking your way.

You breathed in deeply as his hand landed on the nape of your neck, squeezing a little in reassurance.

“Could you give us a minute please.” He smiled brightly to the woman in front of you, receiving a nod in response and you watched the woman walk away. When she had walked away, Hobi had turned you to face him, away from the stool you were standing on and to a quieter corner of the room.

“What’s going on baby?” He held his hands softly on your hips, looking down at you with a little worry in his eyes. “Talk to me.” His tone was so sweet and had you spilling your thoughts faster than you would have done in the past.

“I don’t understand why the woman pulled me onto the stool. No one has told me if I was going with you tomorrow or not and I got confused. And she didn’t tell me first, she just pulled me onto the stool and began poking me with her needle and holding her measuring tape against my legs.” Moving his hands from their place on your hips to hold your hands, he listened and waited until you were done talking to figure out a solution.

“Okay baby. Here is the plan, if you don’t want to go, if you don’t feel comfortable in any way, Seungho is prepared to stay with you in the hotel room and you can watch the event from there. But if you would like to go, the nice woman who was helping you before can get your measurements and we can get you a dress to try on before we head back to the hotel today. We have already told them your preferences just in case.” Hobi gestures to the woman who helped you earlier, her hand moving between a couple of the boys’ suit pants with a label maker.

“It is up to you, darling.” He squeezes your hands, waiting for you to answer him.

You think about what normally happens at the AMA’s, imagining the red carpet where pictures are taken and interviews are held, and immediately scrunch your nose up, not wanting to do that. You knew it would take away from BTS as artists and you didn’t want that. But you didn’t really mind if you could go into the building while that was happening and wait for them, if you were able.

“Would I have to go on the red carpet with you?” You question your mate, wanting to know if that was something you would need to do, or if you could pass on it.

“Of course not baby. We could have Seungho bring you inside to our seats while we are on the carpet. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” You breathe out a sigh of relief and lean into your elder mate, needing his comfort as your breathing calms down. You can feel his hands on your back now, rubbing up and down in a calming way as he helped you try to regulate your breathing.

“Are you ready to get your measurements finished?” Hobi asked after a couple more seconds, knowing that they were on a tight time constraint but also knowing you needed these quiet seconds to regulate.

You nodded your head and he led you back to the stool you previously occupied. He helped you on it before waving the woman over from before, meeting her halfway and talking with her about your boundaries and the dress you would prefer.

It helped a lot as she now told you before she was going to do something, and she explained what she was doing as she did it. Hobi stayed with you the entire time, watching as the woman worked.

He could see you were more relaxed than before, just knowing he was there. He knew you didn’t say if you wanted to go or not, but he knew you were truly thinking about it, deciding if you would go. He hoped you would, they all did. They wanted you by their side as they continued to grow as individuals and as a group. They wanted you to be with them every step of the way.

And if it meant you didn’t walk down a red carpet, then you didn’t walk down a red carpet. It was as simple as that. They cared more about you being comfortable than a silly red carpet where even they got overwhelmed at times.

It took only five minutes to get your measurements and to confirm with the stylist what you were comfortable with before the appointment was over. Stepping off the stool, you moved right back into Hobi’s arms, wrapping your own around his abdomen as you shoved your face into his sweatshirt.

“That was torture.” You grumble out as your face was smooshed against his chest. He only laughed and started to walk with you still attached to him, proving to be difficult as you almost trip.

“Hobi!” You shout out as he catches you, laughter pouring from his lips as he helps you stand up straight again.

“Sorry baby.” He laughs again, holding your hand as he brings you to where the others are waiting, smiles on their lips as they watch you cling to their mate. They had all felt through the bond a little flare of nerves coming from you but it passed quickly as Hobi helped you.

“Hello loves. Are we ready to head to rehearsal?” Jin asked as you and Hobi made it to the group, giving you a little kiss to your temple as he passes by you and out the door. You grab your backpack from where it was leaning against the wall and walked with Hobi and Jungkook to the car where you would then head to the rehearsal hall the AMA’s had rented out.

As there was a bit of traffic, it took a little longer than planned to reach the hall, but it was a good thing you had some snacks in your backpack. You reached down and pulled out the little pouch of gummy worms you had gotten at the hotel gift shop that morning.

You took a couple of worms, carefully picking them out before turning to Jungkook, your seat partner, and holding them out. You poked his thigh to get his attention. When he did look at you, it was to your cheeks puffed out with your mouth full of gummy worms, a couple held out for him to take.

“Did you get hungry, baby?” He asked while trying to hold back a giggle as he took the worms from you. He got his phone out and with a quick snap, your chipmunk cheeks were the subject of his new screensaver, your small smile poking through your cheeks as you tried to smile for the camera.

Your cheeks were filled again once you reached the hall, trying to chew and swallow what you could before the car door opened. You managed not to choke only to Jungkook’s amusement as you watched you continuously fill your cheeks with the gummy goodness. You had managed to eat the entire bag before the car pulled in, more pictures of you taken by your slightly older soulmate.

You had a love for gummy worms and gummy bears, loving the texture of them and loving the sweet taste even more. You had favored them since you were a kid, always picking them when you went to the movies or before a road trip with your family.

You pouted when you were done, letting Jungkook help you out of the vehicle and place a mask on your lips.

“C’mon baby. I’m pretty sure they have a vending machine in here. Maybe they have some more gummy worms?” His words helped you to move, following the others in the building as Jungkook held onto your backpack.

You entered a very large room, tape on the floor in the shape of the stage the boys would be performing on the next night. It was surreal to you to be here, and not to just see the image on a Bangtan bomb or within a photo one of the boys might post on twitter or weverse.

After getting over the awe you felt, you looked for a corner of the room where you could sit and maybe work on one of the wordsearches you had bought, out of the way of the boys and the crew. You didn’t want to get in anyone’s way or step on anyone’s toes.

Fixing your eyes onto a corner in the far back, you decided it would be perfect as you can see everything and the boys could see in in the mirror as they practiced. Sitting down you made yourself comfy on the floor, grabbing your collection of pen highlighters and your word search, you placed them on the floor next to your water bottle.

As you move to open your word search you feel someone next to you. Namjoon sat there; his hands wrapped around his legs as he looks over at you.

“Hi baby. I just wanted to check in with you. How are you doing?” His words brought a sense of calmness to you, just like his aura in general. You always felt calm with him.

“Hi Joonie.” You smile up at him, reminiscent of the photo Jungkook had sent him in the car earlier. “I am doing okay. A little hungry but that’s okay. I can wait until you guys are all done.” You answer back after a couple of seconds. You have to think about your answer before telling them, you don’t want to lie, but you always have to take a second to truly assess how you are feeling, which doesn’t come easily to you.

“I was worried that today would be a little overwhelming for you.” Namjoon revealed to you, causing you to look up at him again. “But I’m glad you are doing okay. You would tell us if you weren’t, right?” He asked, needing to know you wouldn’t hide something because you felt burdensome, having heard from Yoongi and Hobi that “okay” is your go to response.

You nod your head at his question, not knowing if you could accurately answer his question without knowing the context or possible situation he could be referring to. Namjoon just takes your answer for what it was, a probability. Nodding in his own way, he then goes to ask how you feel about attending the American Music Awards that were to take place the next day.

“If it’s okay, I think I would like to go, but I don’t want to be on the red carpet. I don’t want to take the event away from you all and I don’t think I’m comfortable with being on it.” You were honest with him, something he would never fault you for. He was happy you were being honest with him and with yourself.

“Don’t worry baby, we can work things out with Seungho. I’m glad you are going with us though. I know we would feel more at ease with you by our sides.” He moved forward, catching you slightly off guard as he placed a sweet kiss to your cheek before getting up and leaving you to your thoughts and the wordsearch across your lap.

Next Chapter

#bts #bts au #bts soulmate #bts soulmate au #bts idol au #bts polyamory #bts poly #bts poly!au #bts poly au #bts poly!#bts x reader #poly!bts x reader #bts x autistic!mc #bts x autistic!reader #autistic!mc #the line between love and war #purpleyoonn

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astrojulia · 1 year

Text

To All my Air Placements People

-Or for those who have already read "just feel"

One thing that really bothers me about the astrological community is their relationship with emotions and those who identify as "air people." As an Aquarius dominant, I try to absorb the best of every word, situation, and perspective, as it is my nature to see reason and to consider things from multiple points of view. I don't see a problem with using words like "manipulative," and I'm not particularly concerned with being politically correct.

However, one issue I can't ignore is the way that air moons and people are often described as having difficulty feeling emotions. The common refrain is, "You don't feel, you just think." This creates a lot of subtext, such as "You should just feel and not think," "How will you survive when you realize you can only feel and not think," and "You overthink and don't feel."

I know that this kind of post may not be popular, as people tend to prefer direct solutions rather than philosophical discussions. Additionally, many people become overly attached to astrology, which I don't quite understand, as someone who practices greco roman paganism and views the stars as simply giant balls in space guided by the Gods. However, my goal is to help air people who may be feeling bad due to these descriptions and depreciating themselves unnecessarily. I want to provide them with the tools to live their lives in their own way, without relying too heavily on astrology. If possible, I also hope to change the mentality of the astrological community regarding air people. Or maybe I just want to help myself, who knows?

In this post, I will use my knowledge and concepts to explain why the concept of feeling can be misunderstood, how air people experience emotions, and, most importantly, how to work with your feelings.

Have you ever questioned how emotions work and why we experience them differently in different situations? Fortunately, neuroscientist Lisa Feldman has been working for 25 years to explore these questions, and her book "How Emotions Are Made" provides a scientific way to understand how our bodies process emotions. I will explain the main ideas in a summarized way.

While the amygdala is often regarded as the brain's emotional center, it is not the only part of the brain responsible for emotions. In fact, emotions are not solely processed in the brain, but throughout our whole body via neurons. Studies on monkeys who had their amygdalas removed showed that they temporarily lost the ability to feel fear, but eventually regained it. This suggests that our emotions are not simply regulated by a specific part of the brain.

Instead, emotions are processed when neurons in our body are activated and send signals to our brain. Our brain then processes these signals to determine what the emotion is and how we should respond. For example, the smell of a bakery may cause our mouth to water and make us feel hungry, while waiting in a surgery waiting room may cause us to feel anxious and lose our appetite. Physiologically, both situations trigger the same neurons, but the emotional response is different because our brain takes into account the context.

In other words, our emotions are not simply a reaction to stimuli but are influenced by our environment and our own interpretation of the situation. By understanding how emotions are made, we can gain a better understanding of ourselves and how we respond to different situations.

Drawing upon my esoteric knowledge and delving deeper into the data, have you ever wondered how neurons "communicate" and signal to the body that something is happening? The answer lies in the air. Yes, the gas we breathe in is linked to our emotions. It travels to our brains and is processed in a way that best suits the situation. Interestingly, people with different elemental signs have their own unique ways of dealing with air, which means that the gas they expel is processed differently. However, some may argue that water is the element that deals with emotions. While this may seem like an esoteric concept, I have my own explanation for it.

Neurons are present throughout our body, and the part that is referred to as our second brain is our viscera, especially our stomach, which is ruled by Cancer. Our hormones also play a crucial role in our emotions. It is a well-known fact that we don't think clearly when we are aroused, and our reproductive system, which is ruled by Scorpio, produces a significant portion of our hormones. Our feet also have a plethora of neurons connected to our emotional world, and they are ruled by Pisces. Therefore, water signs are adept at managing their emotions as they work well with this part of the body and process their feelings more quickly. Furthermore, in astrology water rules the emotions, in others studies it can be the air, or even the water rules the material.

Let's delve deeper into the subject and discuss our emotions in more detail. We need to think about them, even if it's just for a second, before we can truly feel them. While this may come naturally to us, it is something we learn as we grow older. When information is transmitted to the brain, the first thing it does is to search for a similar sensation or situation from the past to determine the appropriate response. To demonstrate this, take a look at the picture and try to see something. Then, check out the next one…

Pulling for my esoteric part and exploring more data, you know how the neurons “move” and say to the body that something is happening? By gas. Yes, air. Our emotion is linked with air, that gas goes to our brains and it will be processed in the best way for the situation, and air people have their unique way to deal with air, so that gas that is expelled will be worked in a completely different way for the air people than all the others. But is it not water who deals with emotion? Esoteric saying, yes, but I have my own explanation for that…

Neurons are on our whole body, and the part that is called our second brain are our viscera, principally our stomach, ruled by Cancer. Our hormones work a lot with our brain, and everyone knows how we don’t think too well when we are aroused. The part that produces a great part of our hormones is our reproductive system, ruled by Scorpio. Have you ever seen the amount of techniques focused on stress and negative emotions on our feet? From massages and acupuncture, our foot has a ton of neurons connected to our emotional world, and it is ruled by Pisces. So why are water people good with their emotions? Because they work well with that part of the body, they sign rules and process their feelings quicker, but do that better with their specific part.

Now we can go a little deeper in the subject and talk in more detail with our feelings. We need to think about them, even for a second, before really feeling, but that should be easy for everyone because it is natural and born with that… Yes, it is natural but we aren't born with that… We learn how to feel as we age. When the information goes to the brain the first thing it does is to search for the same sensation and the same situation in the past to know what to do. I can give you an example of how we actually just work with things, with our memory and prediction of what is going on. Look at the pic and try to see something, after that click in the link and I will heal your little problem:

Now that you've seen it, you can't unsee it. The black and white one will make sense now. This is how emotions work: we need to experience a situation to truly understand it. Emotions are complex and we often need to go through a situation more than once to really comprehend what's going on. However, if you put an air person in an environment they already know, they won't have a problem with their emotions.

Now that I've explained how we misunderstand emotions and how they actually work, I'm going to share my knowledge to help my fellow air signs in the best way possible. This is what I've learned to become the best version of myself.

When we feel something, our system works like this: we feel a sensation in our chest, and that information goes to our brain, which tries to put a word to that sensation. Once we find the best word to describe the sensation, it goes back to the area to check if it's accurate. If it's not, the process repeats until we find the best description. So, how do I work with this? I have a lot of emotion names in my memory, so I don't waste time explaining how I feel. Yes, I feel a lot (Pisces Jupiter, Scorpio Mars..), but no, I don't feel the same way as you. Allow me to introduce you:

The Wheel of Emotions

Yes, that is how I do my s***, I take some time in my life to see that wheel and verify what I was feeling in that moment, how I can improve myself, and knowing that I’m not such a bad person, I’m giving you more than 80 feelings explanation here, hope you like. You can see that the main feeling connect with each other.

Fear: an emotion experienced in anticipation of some specific pain or danger (usually accompanied by a desire to flee or fight); an anxious feeling; a feeling of profound respect for someone or something.

Horror: intense and profound fear; something that inspires dislike; something horrible; intense aversion

Dread: fearful expectation or anticipation; be afraid or scared of; be frightened of; causing fear or dread or terror

Mortified: suffering from tissue death; made to feel uncomfortable because of shame or wounded pride

Nervous: of or relating to the nervous system; easily agitated; causing or fraught with or showing anxiety

Anxious: eagerly desirous; causing or fraught with or showing anxiety

Worried: afflicted with or marked by anxious uneasiness or trouble or grief; mentally upset over possible misfortune or danger etc

Insecure: not firm or firmly fixed; likely to fail or give way; lacking in security or safety; lacking self-confidence or assurance

Inadequate: lacking the requisite qualities or resources to meet a task; not sufficient to meet a need, not welcome

Inferior: one of lesser rank or station or quality; a character or symbol set or printed or written beneath or slightly below and to the side of another character; of or characteristic of low rank or importance

Terror: an overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety; a person who inspires fear or dread; a very troublesome child

Hysterical: characterized by or arising from psychoneurotic hysteria; marked by excessive or uncontrollable emotion

Panic: an overwhelming feeling of fear and anxiety; sudden mass fear and anxiety over anticipated events; be overcome by a sudden fear

Scared: made afraid

Helpless: lacking in or deprived of strength or power; unable to function; without help; unable to manage independently

Frightened: made afraid; thrown into a state of intense fear or desperation

Love: a strong positive emotion of regard and affection any object of warm affection or devotion a beloved person used as terms of endearment.

Tenderness: a tendency to express warm and affectionate feeling; a pain that is felt (as when the area is touched); warm compassionate feelings

Compassionate: share the suffering of; showing or having compassion

Caring: a loving feeling; feeling and exhibiting concern and empathy for others

Peaceful: not disturbed by strife or turmoil or war; peacefully resistant in response to injustice

Satisfied: filled with satisfaction; allayed

Relieved: (of pain or sorrow) made easier to bear; extending out above or beyond a surface or boundary

Desire: the feeling that accompanies an unsatisfied state; an inclination to want things; something that is desired

Infatuation: a foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration; temporary love of an adolescent; an object of extravagant short-lived passion

Passion: a strong feeling or emotion; the trait of being intensely emotional; something that is desired intensely

Longing: prolonged unfulfilled desire or need

Attracted: direct toward itself or oneself by means of some psychological power or physical attributes; be attractive to; exert a force on (a body) causing it to approach or prevent it from moving away

Sentimental: given to or marked by sentiment or sentimentality; effusively or insincerely emotional

Affectionate: having or displaying warmth or affection

Fondness: affection or liking for someone or something

Romantic: conducive to or characterized by the expression of love; of, characterized by, or suggestive of an idealized view of reality; person with romantic beliefs or attitudes.

Joy: a feeling of great pleasure and happiness rejoice

Enthralled: capture the fascinated attention of

Rapture: a feeling of intense pleasure or joy; a state of being carried away by overwhelming emotion; a state of elated bliss

Enchanted: influenced as by charms or incantations

Elation: an exhilarating psychological state of pride and optimism; an absence of depression; a feeling of joy and pride

Jubilation: a feeling of extreme joy; a joyful occasion for special festivities to mark some happy event; the utterance of sounds expressing great joy

Euphoric: exaggerated feeling of well-being or elation

Enthusiastic: having or showing great excitement and interest

Zeal: a feeling of strong eagerness (usually in favor of a person or cause); excessive fervor to do something or accomplish some end; prompt willingness

Excited: in an aroused state; (of persons) excessively affected by emotion; marked by uncontrolled excitement or emotion

Optimist: a person disposed to take a favorable view of things

Hopeful: an ambitious and aspiring young person; having or manifesting hope; full or promise

Eager: a high wave (often dangerous) caused by tidal flow (as by colliding tidal currents or in a narrow estuary); having or showing keen interest or intense desire or impatient expectancy

Proud: feeling self-respect or pleasure in something by which you measure your self-worth; or being a reason for pride; having or displaying great dignity or nobility

Illustrious: widely known and esteemed; having or conferring glory

Triumphant: joyful and proud especially because of triumph or success; experiencing triumph

Cheerful: being full of or promoting cheer; having or showing good spirits; pleasantly (even unrealistically) optimistic

Jovial: full of or showing high-spirited merriment

Blissful: completely happy and contented

Happy: enjoying or showing or marked by joy or pleasure; marked by good fortune; eagerly disposed to act or to be of service

Amused: pleasantly occupied

Delighted: greatly pleased; filled with wonder and delight

Content: being pleased and satisfied (feeling content) or making someone else feel happy and at peace with things (contenting them)

Pleased: experiencing or manifesting pleasure; feeling pleasurable satisfaction over something by which you measures your self-worth

Satisfied: filled with satisfaction; allayed

Surprise: the astonishment you feel when something totally unexpected happens to you a sudden unexpected event the act of surprising someone

Moved: being excited or provoked to the expression of an emotion

Stimulated: emotionally aroused

Touched: having come into contact; being excited or provoked to the expression of an emotion; slightly insane

Overcome: To feel something very strongly. It is usually used in a positive way

Speechless: temporarily incapable of speaking

Astounded: filled with the emotional impact of overwhelming surprise or shock

Amazed: feeling or showing great surprise or wonder

Astonished: surprised, amazed, astonished or bewildered

Awe-Struck: filled with feelings of fear and wonder: filled with awe

Confused: mentally confused; unable to think with clarity or act intelligently; perplexed by many conflicting situations or statements; filled with bewilderment; lacking orderly continuity

Disillusioned: freed from illusion

Perplexed: full of difficulty or confusion or bewilderment

Stunned: filled with the emotional impact of overwhelming surprise or shock; knocked unconscious by a heavy blow; in a state of mental numbness especially as resulting from shock

Shocked: struck with fear, dread, or consternation

Dismayed: cause (someone) to feel consternation and distress; to cause to lose courage or resolution (as because of alarm or fear) must not let ourselves be dismayed by the task before us; upset, perturb were dismayed by the condition of the building

Sadness: emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being the state of being sad the quality of excessive mournfulness and uncheerfulness

Despair: a state in which all hope is lost or absent; the feeling that everything is wrong and nothing will turn out well; abandon hope; give up hope; lose heart

Grief: intense sorrow caused by loss of a loved one (especially by death); something that causes great unhappiness

Powerless: lacking power; impotent

Neglected: disregarded; lacking a caretaker

Isolated: not close together in time; being or feeling set or kept apart from others

Lonely: lacking companions or companionship; marked by dejection from being alone; characterized by or preferring solitude

Shameful: (used of conduct or character) deserving or bringing disgrace or shame; giving offense to moral sensibilities and injurious to reputation

Regretful: feeling or expressing regret or sorrow or a sense of loss over something done or undone

Guilty: responsible for or chargeable with a reprehensible act; showing a sense of guilt

Disappointed: disappointingly unsuccessful; sad or displeased because someone or something has failed to fulfill one’s hopes or expectations

Dismayed: struck with fear, dread, or consternation

Displeased: not pleased; experiencing or manifesting displeasure

Sadness: emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being; the state of being sad; the quality of excessive mournfulness and uncheerfulness

Depressed: filled with melancholy and despondency; in a state of general unhappiness or despondency

Sorrow: an emotion of great sadness associated with loss or bereavement; sadness associated with some wrong done or some disappointment; something that causes great unhappiness

Suffering: a state of acute pain; misery resulting from affliction; psychological suffering

Agony: intense feelings of suffering; acute mental or physical pain; a state of acute pain

Hurt: any physical damage to the body caused by violence or accident or fracture etc; psychological suffering; feelings of mental or physical pain

Anger: a strong emotion a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance the state of being angry belligerence aroused by a real or supposed wrong (personified as one of the deadly sins.)

Disgust: strong feelings of dislike; fill with distaste; cause aversion in; offend the moral sense of

Contempt: lack of respect accompanied by a feeling of intense dislike; a manner that is generally disrespectful and contemptuous; open disrespect for a person or thing

Revolted: to turn away with disgust. transitive verb.: to cause to turn away or shrink with disgust or abhorrence; to experience disgust or shock

Envy: a feeling of grudging admiration and desire to have something that is possessed by another; spite and resentment at seeing the success of another (personified as one of the deadly sins); feel envious towards; admire enviously

Resentful: full of or marked by resentment or indignant ill will

Jealous: showing extreme cupidity; painfully desirous of another’s advantages; suspicious or unduly suspicious or fearful of being displaced by a rival

Irritable: easily irritated or annoyed; abnormally sensitive to a stimulus; capable of responding to stimuli

Aggravated: made more severe or intense especially in law; incited, especially deliberately, to anger

Annoyed: aroused to impatience or anger; troubled persistently especially with petty annoyances

Exasperated: greatly annoyed; out of patience

Frustrated: disappointingly unsuccessful

Agitated: troubled emotionally and usually deeply; physically disturbed or set in motion

Rage: a feeling of intense anger; a state of extreme anger; something that is desired intensely

Hostile: don’t want to talk to people, be around them, or even have them near us

Hate: the emotion of intense dislike; a feeling of dislike so strong that it demands action; dislike intensely; feel antipathy or aversion towards

And now we’re done, my biggest goal in this post as I already wrote, is to chance that point of view of the air people, but the most important part is to take off that bad sensation from you chest, my air fellow, that I feel and know that existent every time you read that you’re emotionless and don’t now how to feel the things in the right way. Thank you for your and kisses from the sea.

#astrology #astro notes #astro observations #aquarius #gemini #libra #air placements #sun in astrology #moon in astrology #mercury in astrology #venus in astrology #mars in astrology #esse texto simplesmente me rendeu 58740 caracteres

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pleaseeeimjustagirl · 29 days

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Maybe You Have A Anxious Attachment…

Hey, babesss I recently realized I had an anxious attachment and it was starting to affect certain parts of my life specifically my friendships. I had a lot of friendships I was clinging on to because of my anxious attachment I was giving more of myself in these friendships and not receiving anything in return while people pleasing. All of this triggered from my anxious attachment and I wanted to share the things I’ve learned that could help you if you have an anxious attachment.

What is an attachment style?

♡ An attachment style is a kind of bond we form with others. We develop these kinds of bonds at a young age from the interactions we have with our parents/guardians. These attachment styles follow us into our adulthood.

♡ There are four attachment styles: secure attachment, anxious attachment, avoidant attachment, and disorganized attachment.

♡ Secure Attachment: You feel secure in your own space and can be open and supportive towards others.

♡ Anxious Attachment: You do not trust other feelings towards you and need constant reassurance.

♡ Avoidant Attachment: You have trouble opening up and showing your emotions.

♡ Disorganized Attachment: you do not trust. You either push people away or have an unhealthy need for closeness.

Where does your anxious attachment come from?

♡ This attachment style is formed when a child learns that they cannot depend on their parent/guardian to meet their comfort needs.

♡ This is a result of inconsistent or distant parenting.

♡ Most people with anxious attachments had parents/guardians who were easily overwhelmed, switched between being attentive to pushing away, and made the child feel responsible for their feelings.

Signs you have an anxious attachment?

♡ Codependency.

♡ Fears of Rejection.

♡ Fears of Abandonment.

♡ Overly Sensitive To Criticism.

♡ Issues With Jealousy.

♡ Low Self-Esteem.

♡ Feeling Unworthy of Love.

♡ Trust Issues.

What can trigger your anxious attachment?

♡ Arguments.

♡ Inconsistent Behavior From Others.

♡ When People You Are Close To Are Being Distant.

♡ Someone Important To You Forgets A Special Occasion

♡ Broken Trust.

How to go from anxiously attached to securely attached

♡ Learn Breathing Techniques. Breathing can help ground you in moments of anxiety before reacting pause, focus, and breath.

♡ Change Your Thinking. When a negative thought or idea pops up switch your brain to something positive (plans, shopping, and vacations)

♡ Learn to self-soothe. Learn to calm yourself down in a way that is relaxing maybe that is walking, breathing, yoga, or prayer.

♡ Reparenting Yourself. Healing your inner child is the most important part of shifting your anxious attachment to a secure attachment. Inner child journaling prompts, inner child books, and so many other forms of inner child healing. Talk to yourself the way you wished your parent would have talked to you. Pamper yourself the way you wish you had been when you were a child. Be your parent<3333

♡ Express Yourself. Instead of allowing all your emotions to build up express your feelings. I recommend journaling as a form of self-help. There are other ways like art, dance, and exercise.

♡ Surround Yourself With Secure Attachment. Build friendships/relationships with people who have a secure attachments you will be able to learn what a secure stable relationship is like.

♡ Practice Being Vulnerable. To go from anxiously attached to securely attached try to be more vulnerable while also creating emotional safety for yourself. Learn to express your feelings, needs, dislikes, and desires.

♡ Therapy. This is a must!!! Therapy is so beneficial when going through this journey having someone be there for you and guide you. I highly recommend BetterHelp!

♡ Practice Mindfulness And Gratitude. Mindfulness is being present in the moment you can practice mindfulness by doing meditation, walking meditation, yoga, and gardening. Gratitude is the practice of being grateful for the things you have in your life and your body. Say thank you to your body, hug yourself, and nourish your body with nutritious foods. Be grateful for the little things in your life especially the things you take for granted like walking and your bed.

♡ Self Care. Take time for yourself to do things that make you feel relaxed and loved. That could be booking a spa treatment, painting, reading, and skincare. There a many other forms of self-care.

♡ Be Kind To Yourself. This is not an easy transition you have lived with this attachment style your entire life it will take some time to change it so be patient with yourself.Positive self talk is important affirm yourself and cancel out negative thoughts with positive ones.

Healing is a scary process in the beginning especially if you’re going from people-pleasing and being anxiously attached to people to building boundaries and standards. But you need to practice all of these skills and techniques so you can grow.

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vilsoo · 1 year

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DECEPTION & PERFECTION⌇NANAMI KENTO

❝ 𝑰 𝑩𝑹𝑬𝑨𝑲 𝑨 𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑳𝑰𝑶𝑵 𝑯𝑬𝑨𝑹𝑻𝑺 𝑱𝑼𝑺𝑻 𝑭𝑶𝑹 𝑭𝑼𝑵 ❞ ‎ submission for @510hz’s “how to be a heartbreaker” collab!

after losing yourself and becoming so disillusioned about love and romance, you finally accept yourself as nothing but a devious homewrecker. . .

꒰ ა ♡ ໒ ꒱ PAIRINGS! — nanami x homewrecker!f!reader ꒰ ა ♡ ໒ ꒱ TAGS! — heartless!reader, commitment issues, anxious attachment, slight narcissism, toxicity, angst, hurt (no comfort), sorta depressing/sad themes, self-loathing, hopeless romantic themes, unrequited love, seduction, eventual smut. i know this may slightly stray away from the “maneater” theme but with the meaning of this song, it’s more tragic.

You don’t belong to anyone.

As liberating that may sound to some, being in this state was more of a defense mechanism for you. Because after realizing you don’t know what else to do other than to break the hearts of men, you couldn’t escape being labeled as a homewrecker. Your life had spiraled into a mess that you just accepted it with no care in the world.

If all you really wanted was love, the pure kind that everyone dreams of, you had to run away from it. You’ve become so disillusioned about falling in love, convincing yourself nothing will ever last for you. Instead of the love and trust and laughter you deserved in a healthy relationship, you end up with a happy never after.

One night you were at the club, all dolled up and glamorizing enough that you’ve been receiving so many compliments from men and women. Compliments you’ve been told numerous times before that being called “pretty” was tedious and unoriginal to hear a lot. You deserved way more admiration than that. And even though your self-esteem and your confidence was radiating enough to showcase your outwardly strong personality, deep down you were alienated and empty in the inside. But you decided to not give any fucks that night. No regrets about anything. All you wanted to do was have fun and embrace even a fleeting moment of euphoria and feel as if you were the center of attention that night.

And there it was— that prolonged gaze from a handsome stranger’s eyes, capturing his attention that night. Watching you long enough, it eventually turns into a stare. Staring at you like he was hypnotized, getting under his skin with the way your body moved to the music. That night you were wearing all pink. Your attire seemed as if you were one of the dancers wearing pastels and other bold colors that weren’t neutral or plain— enough to not blend in with the crowd. And as you were dancing, your wandering eyes finally met his, settling on the stranger’s prominent, enticing features.

He was quite handsome that night. There was a dark mystery about him that intrigued you. When you caught him staring, he immediately glanced away it made you chuckle. But you didn’t take your eyes off him, yet— you just kept dancing, your body moving in sultry, mesmerizing ways to the music as you gazed at him with the right kind of heat in your eyes. Then he finally laid his eyes on you again. You couldn’t help but smile deviously at the stranger. He smirked back slightly, making his way through the dancing crowd just to be near you. But he disappeared— you suddenly lost track of his presence.

Slightly disappointed, you head to the restroom down the hall illuminated with pink lights where nobody was around. But that was all the stranger needed from you that night— a chance with you alone, right before you withdrew your mind. You feel his arms snake around you, holding you by the waist and pulling you ever so slightly where you could feel his body heat transmitting onto you. That night you felt a rush of helplessness against him, like a sinking yielding, a surging tide of warmth that left you limp and aching for him.

As you turned your neck, resting your head against his shoulder, his addicting lips dived down onto yours, kissing you softly at first. Then with a swift gradation intensity, his insistent mouth was parting your lips and his roaming hands parted your legs, sending wild tremors along your nerves. That night, when the two of you made out and fucked each other hard in the hall of the club, you were both evoked from such sensations you never knew you were capable of feeling.

It wasn’t difficult for you at all to catch the attention of men. You used to love and thrive off that feeling of a man chasing for you, wanting to uncover your mysteries, yearning to pursue you for they couldn’t contain their attraction to you. That man you met that night was the man you thought you were going to marry someday; Nanami Kento.

When time passed and you finally made it official, sex with Nanami was your everything with him; writhing into an unexplainable ecstatic state of mind together. The slapping of your skins, the sweet moans, loss of breath, the heat, the unforgettable sensation. Each hard thrust into your aching cunt sent you ablaze. You had the face and heart of a delicate angel and a body of a slutty porn star just for him. The beautiful princess treatment by day and the messy whore treatment by night.

There was this certain alluring presence about him that enticed you, intoxicating you with lust and love and all these feelings that made your stomach twist and turn. You were head over heels in love. Undeniably in love. Unconditionally in love with him. Blindly in love, at most. Love, love, love— it was all defined by the way you experience it. Nobody had taught you how to love. You just went with how your heart felt. What you were desiring for this whole time; “the one” as many people called it. But at the same time, you feel this sinking feeling in your guts the moment you believe you’re in love.

Oh, how Nanami loved you. He really was your dream man, the man who was going to marry you, pursue you, value you, worship you— every wholehearted trait of love and endearment he had for you was like an undying flame. He didn’t value you just for your body nor the sex. He knew deep down in his heart that you are the woman he belongs to by the end of time, the only woman he wants to marry, the only woman he wants to grow old with and die together. He’s never loved anyone so passionately like this. There was something about you that sinks him deeply into an unexplainable writhing of bliss.

But love was nothing but an image of deception.

Nanami is a hopeless romantic just like you. But even though the love he gives is what you deserve, would it be forever? Would he get tired of loving you? Is he only speaking to you through his mouth, and not his heart and soul?

Every past relationship you’ve been in haunted you for years. You still never fully healed or recovered from the pain and experiences you endured; your heart constantly getting broken and shattered to the point that you have no piece of it left. You were tired of being heartbroken all the time and you should not be committing to anyone right now. And it was all because of the need to rather break hearts than have your own heart broken first. In hopes you could find the 'one', you would have much more fun and liberty being single just like the old days…

“I don’t love you anymore.”

Nanami’s entire body froze when he was about to walk into the bathroom after the two of you had sex. He did a double take, chuckled, and turned slightly to you. “What? Sweetheart, don’t joke around like that.”

You sat on the edge of the bed in your nightgown, slanting your head at the blond male who looked unrecognizable to you now. “You heard me,” you replied coldly. “I don’t think I can do this anymore, Kento. I’m slowly losing my happiness every day I spend time with you. The last time I ever felt happiness was… before I met you. And now I’m trapped in a committed relationship where I have this massive fear of you hurting me.”

Nanami stood frozen as a deer caught in headlights. It felt as if the walls in his body were closing in on him, making it difficult to breathe. Your words inflicted more pain than any pain he’s ever endured in his life. It felt as if the world became slow, finally reaching its end, and not everybody has enough time to embrace their fate or let alone prepare for it. There was an uncontrolled staccato rhythmic in his chest and this swirling ache in his stomach. His nose flared so strongly from holding back tears, sauntering back to you and kneeling before you, holding onto your arms and caressing your skin.

“Look at me, Y/N. I admire you. I worship you. I love you more than I have ever found a way to say to you. If I’m making you feel… trapped, I will do everything I can to not make you feel this way. So please… if you’re in need of reassurance, I’ll give you all of it. Even without you asking.”

It felt as if his words went straight through one ear then out the other. Because for some reason, even if Nanami thought he was being genuine and sweet to you, you remained nonchalant. A deadpanned expression, a slow beating heart, and not having enough energy to fight for this relationship or talk through it.

You stood up, your face remaining emotionless and free of pathetic tears. “I said what I said, Kento. If you really loved me, you’d allow me to be happy. And the only way I can feel happiness is never seeing you in my life again.”

Nanami just stayed down on the floor, feeling his nose burning from his tears and his heart being crushed from such agony and devastation. He didn’t dare turn his head just to watch you leave or see you one last time. He just decided to let you go, all while drowning in tears, sobs, and desolation.

When you finally left his home and drove down the highway, you finally felt that liberating spark again. That rush of adrenaline, rediscovering parts of yourself that were buried long under, like a sun brightening up a dark room. And after coping with your disillusionment about love, you just had to accept everything the way it is. When you have a slight feeling that something is gonna go wrong in a relationship, you run away. When you don’t feel the happiness you thought you would feel, you run away.

You’re only happy when you’re on the run. And you could break a million hearts of men just for the fun of it.

#( ♥︎ ) — collabs.#how to be a heartbreaker #nanami x reader #nanami x you #nanami kento #nanami kento smut #jujutsu kaisen nanami #jjk nanami #jujutsu kaisen smut #nanami kento fanfic #tw toxic relationship #tw narcissism #tw angst #i’ll be adding pink color for the text soon im just so lazy lol

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gravytrainnaturebornn · 3 months

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the power of self-talk in the fight against self-sabotage (for binge-eaters and ppl who have never been skinny🫶)

disclaimer: this is not proana. this is for people who struggle with binge eating as a form of self-sabotage, emotional comfort, self harm, etc. overeating can cause just as much harm physically and mentally as undereating. please be safe. now, on with the show!

weight loss, but specifically extreme weight loss, equals change. change equals discomfort, so people tend to subconsciously avoid change. this is why starting to see progress on the scale or your body can trigger the urge to self-sabotage that progress and binge eat.

for people who have been big their whole lives, that fear is heightened by the fact that being thin is completely uncharted territory. by following through, youre entering a new world that youve never navigated before. your brain might get scared, say its much too big a mountain to climb, and tell you to give up. its easier to say fuck it because for most people, unhappiness is a comfort zone. if youre used to hating your body and wanting it to change, then actually *changing* it poses a very serious threat to your comfort and the lifestyle youre used to.

questions like: "what if i reach my goal and im still unhappy/unattractive?" "what if i dont look like myself?" "what if i reach my goal, cant sustain it, and then i gain it all back and humiliate myself?" can all make someone feel anxious about succeeding in their weight loss journey. and for people with overeating issues, this is a big trigger for binge episodes.

so how do you combat this instinct to self sabotage? well, im not a psychologist so take this with a grain of salt, but for me it helps to soothe these subconscious fears and train the brain to fight these urges. self-talk and thought-correction play a HUGE role in rewiring the pathways in your brain that lead you to bingeing. truly, practice and consistency are the only things that are going to cause a big change, so stick with it !

correcting problematic thoughts *immediately* when they form is key to preventing problematic behavior in the future, and that starts with being able to identify those thoughts. the moment you catch yourself thinking about food, cut yourself off with a correction. maybe even think about food on purpose a few times to practice recognizing and correcting it.

for example, if you just ate an hour ago, chances are youre not actually hungry yet. tell yourself that as soon as you realize youre thinking about food. i like to tell myself "i dont need to eat, and im not gonna sabotage myself by eating that." by acknowledging it and calling it what it is--literally an attack, by my brain, on my own progress--i immediately attach a sense of accountability to the actions that follow. there's no deniability. its no longer a passive choice. theres no mindless eating or "i wasnt thinking about it." if i eat after acknowledging the act of eating as self-sabotage, then that is me *actively* choosing self-sabotage over self-control. accountability alone can change a lot if you let it.

what i tell myself changes depending on the situation, but i find that repeating some of these phrases throughout the day helps to fight urges in general, and certain ones help for specific cravings and situations.

below are some examples of things i tell myself that have helped me fight the urge to self sabotage. they dont all have to be true when you first say them, the point is training your brain to think a certain way. it may feel unnatural at first, but the more you say them the more natural it becomes, until eventually it becomes apart of the way you actually think and you dont have to work so hard at it. remember: consistency. is. key.

okay ill stop blabbing! here:

•i allow myself to be thin.

•i accept the change that comes with losing weight.

•i am ready to see myself differently and cope with any complicated feelings that may come with it.

•i am prepared for my body to change.

•i will deal with my wardrobe when the time comes, and im not afraid of dressing differently for my new body.

•i will adjust to my new dietary needs and appetite when i reach my goal weight. i will not always be hungry; eating less will be my new normal, and i will be okay.

•i am not afraid of being hungry.

•food does not comfort me, nor does it solve my problems or make me feel better.

•i am ready to navigate a life that looks different to the one im living now.

•i am not afraid of reaching my goal. if i do feel afraid, i am confident in my ability to work through difficult feelings and continue towards my goal.

•im not going to sabotage myself by eating that.

•i accept that people will perceive me differently, and i am ready to navigate that change.

•i am prepared to receive comments about my weight loss.

•i am not afraid of getting what i want.

•i believe i deserve what i want, and im dedicated to working towards getting it.

•i am capable of adapting to new routines and habits.

•fear is not a reason to give up, and i will continue to work even if the possibility of change makes me uneasy.

•i am prepared to face the future, even though i do not know what it looks like.

•i allow myself to make mistakes, and i will not use them as an excuse to quit.

•my long-term satisfaction is more important than what i want in this moment.

•i am in control of my actions and i am capable of resisting the urge to binge.

•i allow myself to have the body i desire.

•i allow myself to change.

•i allow my life to look different and i am not afraid to see a new person in the mirror.

•i am excited to reach my goal, and prepared to navigate any changes that come with it.

•i am ready to meet and introduce others to the new me.

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fatgumsurpremacy-remastered · 1 year

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omg that demon!reader prompt.. big brain moment. which mercs would comfort their s/o when captured? like they cant help but sweep them up in their arms n stuff

This is so soft I love this.(yandere mercs)

Tw: Yandere, kidnapping, possessiveness, unhealthy relationships, unwanted affection (not nsfw), gaslighting (brief), attachment issues.

Demoman: Most likely, if you’ve driven Tavish to the point he needs to grab nab you you’re pretty reckless. Otherwise he wouldn't have tried to grab you. Anyway, Tav would make a whole deal out of hit, just happy to have you out of harms way and into his arms. He’d be suffocating for a week at the least, it’s enough to tell you how long Tavs been bleeping tabs on you. And enough to clue you in to just how much care he’s taken in makin y’all’s new house perfect for the two of you. He’s very much one to want to rush you into comfort, though sometimes at the expense of sanity. 10/10

Engineer: Oh boy, dell can tell you’re anxious and that it’s already not looking good for him. He loves you. And he knows he loves you, he knows it’s unhealthy. But the slightest bit of his delusional side is that you’re overreacting to the whole, ‘being captured thing.’ He can even get close to you no more without you trying to push him away so how’s he going to comfort you. If you’d let him he’d come and sit down with you quietly. Like a husband trying to coax his spouse out of a breakdown. Except that’s not what this is is it? He realizes that, and he’d comfort you if you let him but you’re not so what’s he gonna do exactly? 2/10

Heavy: Very calming from the start, like Tavish in a way. The way he captures you is less like capture and more like- “Wow this is a horrible natural disaster, might as well make it count.” Just- stretch it out. He claims that things are getting worse outside, and keeps you in. To quell his own anxiety he holds you close. He tries to tell you stories to keep you sane, and insists on staying at your side the entire time. He’s very lovable, and even more protective. Very silly, and always tries to comfort you. Although he downplays some of your fear because he truly believes he can protect you from anything. His attempts are good but there’s too much gaslighting for things to settle to a reasonable degree. 7/10

Medic: He doesn’t try, it just kind of happens. No matter what it WILL happen, he WILL capture you and that will be that. He cares about you a great deal, he should have you with him! And that translates to how he cares for you as well, he makes sure you’re not hurt throughout the whole thing. His banter also makes it seem more like moving in with a good friend rather than being abducted. His house is jarring and surprisingly cold, but his demeanor makes up for anything he lacks. Not to mention the swarm of kisses you’ll get if you don’t try and escape post capture. 8/10 surprisingly good!

Pyro: You wouldn’t realize until he told you straight up in which case it would get VERY eerie. A lot of what Pyro did prior was similar and one could assume based off that, that it was just how he acted but no. He’s pleasantly surprised you aren’t put off. When he tells you that and you realize you are HE panics. He’s no better at calming you down. Or comforting you. Rocking you back and forth before getting up to check the locks again. He’s a mess and he tries to hide it. 1/10, surprisingly BAD.

Scout: His moms the one that’s gotta do it. Her constant presence is a saving grace. Scout is supporting his Ma, so his capture isn’t traditional like the others. It’s more like a relationship entrapment, and he doesn't realize he’s doing wrong. So his Ma gives you advice, and food. Like- a lot of food, since she can see you’re shakin up over something. Her jokes are light hearted, and she helps you see where Scout's heart comes from. She doesn’t justify her son's actions, but she’s been in this predicament before and all she can suggest is to wait it out. Scout: 0 Ma: 10/10

Sniper: I am conflicted on this, where else would he focus but also- why would he try. Snipers an unhealthy mix of hyper aware and delusional at all times. Really he debated on nabbing you until he just pulled you off the road with a well placed dart. So justifyibly you’re shaky and awkward… but he’s always anxious, shaky, and awkward. (High off shrooms too maybe but that’s besides the point.) He thinks it’s cute to a degree and and offers to walk with you if that’ll clear your mind. But he then gets worried and dismisses the idea. He makes a couple of attempts that lead to him not finishing the job. In the end he just settles on popcorn and a film in silence. The attempt is there. 5/10

Soldier: I’m going off premarriage here. He will fuck you up more, between the shouting and the likely bombastic way he captures you, you’d be damned if you didn’t leave the scenario with no new phobias. When you finally settle down a bit, (as in stop hiding from him) you would be surprised with how patient he is. It’s unexpected but he’ll wait for what he wants if he truly cares. He’ll wait until you let him hug you then just curl up around you and say the cheesiest things just above a whisper. He also is a human pillow with a heater setting so that could help too! 7/10.

Spy: Like sniper he makes an honest attempt. Past relationships didn’t like his possessiveness but then again there wasn’t really a way to keep his Fling safe. Spy falls hard and fast, which is concerning given his position, but it’s always with people unconcerned with his expertise. You- you are the one that he can keep an eye on. He already has all the things you could need. A little area to calm yourself, but that’s not to say he wouldn’t struggle and try to get you to give him affection without him earning it. Seems like a charmer but ultimately can’t deal with himself or admit that you might just- not like him. 5.5/10

Hope you enjoyed!

#yandere tf2 #yandere tf2 mercs #yandere demoman #yandere engineer #yandere Heavy #yandere medic #yandere Pyro #yandere scout #yandere soldier #yandere sniper #yandere spy

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wiseatom · 1 year

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no need to respond, just in case this tickles your brain, what do you reckon mike and will’s first fight as a couple would be? would it be something small and stupid, or a bigger problem they have to work through? would either of them panic at having their first ‘official couple’ fight, or do the years of conflict resolution as best friends let it roll off their backs?

consider my brain Tickled because i love thinking about things like this!!!!! what a great question!!!!

in true thea wiseatom fashion, i do think it would be a combination of some of the scenarios you've presented. in my head, their first fight is probably something small and a little silly, but also indicative of a larger issue -- likely miscommunication, bc that's byler's bread and butter as we all know <3 or miscommunication's close friend, lack of follow through. when they have issues in canon, it can usually be boiled down to one or both of those things.

there's also considering the fact that mike and will are young, and would probably still be young when they got together (in the range of 15-17), so i also think that would contribute, because everything feels So Big when you're young and it's your first serious relationship. mike and will are both very emotional little guys, and usually react with emotion first and thought second, which is probably a combination of them being young but also just how they are! so i do think it would be a big deal, even if the issue itself is silly, and i do think they would panic about it.

mike would be freaking out because he would blame himself, no matter what the situation was or how inconsequential, because the idea of will being mad at him in the moment would stick and he'd be afraid he messed everything up. on will "he's always been good at hiding" byers' end, i think he would simply just avoid mike, or brush it under the rug, or just take blame for it just so the conflict was Resolved without actually being Resolved. i headcanon mike with an anxious attachment style and will with an avoidant, so i think that would also contribute, because mike would be Desperate to talk it through and will would be Desperate not to.

to one of your last points, though, they are best friends, and they've successfully navigated conflict resolution before -- plus i think that their convo in s4e04 is going to help them a lot in transitioning into a romantic relationship. they've established that they're better as a team, that things don't feel the same when they're apart, and that they care for each other so deeply, so i think even as they start having fights as a couple, they'd remember that and learn to communicate better. mike would have that moment of realization of "just because he's mad right now, doesn't mean he's mad forever" and "just because he needs space, doesn't mean he hates me" and will would have that moment of realization of "running from things is ok, but not when it's the person you love" and "talking about things is actually what resolves them". it'd be scary for them for sure, because i definitely think their honeymoon phase would be long lasting and their first fight wouldn't crop up for a minute, but also. you don't really go through what byler has (aka years of being torn apart by circumstances beyond their control and having to claw their way back to each other + an entire war probably) and not end up together in the end. and they know that <3

#asks #hopefully this answers your question. bc i do love a ramble #byler hc

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lower-management · 7 months

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//ooc

Some Beelzebub headcannons of mine cause why not (there is some angst), also some can be quite specific

-they have a sweet tooth

-(this one is my favourite) God made it so when she casted them out of heaven they could never feel full again, not only regarding food but regarding everything, no matter how much they have, how much they know, how much they eat (both metaforically and literally) they'll never feel full and/or satisfied. Their last hope was that after armageddon they would've been able to feel satisfied and full once more, they still wonder if it would've worked. Falling in love with Gabriel did not "cure" this thing

-after armageddon't they had quite a difficult time understanding the purpose of it all, in the end they just realized whatever God had going on they probably would not be able to change it so they just resorted to continuing their days in a loop, they still think about it tho

-the fact they're kinda short for a demon was on purpose, Hell is cramped and a smaller stature helps moving around quicker, also it gives them a slight advantage if fighting someone full enough of themselves to underestimate them

-they enjoy rejecting paperwork for the most absurd reasons possible (even tho it's more of Dagon's invention to do so). Signed the document in a blue pen instead of a black one? Ya gotta restart from the very start buddy

-they still haven't quite grasped the concept of gender

-they keep their nails long-ish so that they can scratch/hurt others easily

-they know math, they know weird facts about biology and science but spelling? Fuck no

-for sometime they were worshipped as a deity, they liked those civilizations cause they felt like even tho they were doing almost nothing to help they were still better at being a God than her herself. They're still bitter over the destiny those civilizations faced, which also fuels a certain hate of theirs for the romans

-they will randomly vomit out the most poetic and deep stuff just to then be like "ew what the fuck did I just say-"

-it's not rare for them to remember small stuff/details about demons angels and so on, they use it mostly to annoy them

-nothing can shock them anymore, literally, they've seen things

-they have trust issues, like, lots of them

-sometime after the fall (not much tho) they led a rebellion against satan as they felt like he was not taking organizing Hell as seriously as he should have. Satan was impressed and ended up rewarding them with their status

-they fully believed their feelings for Gabe were just anxiety for the longest time

-they kin Yzma(the disney villain), this one doesn't need much context

-they listen to Melanie Martinez

-if asked a question they always do their best to answer it unless too personal, if there's one thing they don't like to gatekeep is knowledge

-(this is attached to the 9th one) they had to let the civilizations that worshipped them die/be conquered and so on because it was "needed for the great plan to work" and they were forced to watch, it's still a sore wound

-they sometimes use old words or expressions just because (example: saying courting instead of flirting)

-after armageddon't things did not go well for them, in fact a duke tried opening up a dispute to overthrow them and take their throne taking advantage of the situation. Needless to say Beelzebub was enraged and destroyed the duke in the most cruel way possible.

-as they are literally gluttony in person while someone else can technically do their bureaucratic duties they cannot be replaced.

-shiny things? They love 'em, but strong (especially artificial) lights? Can bug them, cause flies have a raised sensibility to lights so it would probably overstimulate them.

-they developed a weird kind of arachnophobia after the fall. They're not afraid of spiders but they get pretty anxious around them and don't get close (cause, ya know, spiders eat lots of flies and while there are many animals who eat flies it's more about what they represent because God's a bitch that way)

Can't think of anymore, maybe if I remember them I'll put 'em here

#beelzebub headcanons #Good omens #GO #Beelzebub #Ask beelzebub

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sadieshavingsex · 8 months

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hi everyone. I think I have figured out the “real problem” in my life. I am really starting to understand myself, I think, in a new way. I understand how my entire concept of life fits well into the ideas of borderline personality disorder, codependency, fearful or anxious attachment, boundary issues, and more.

I’ve been thinking about it a lot this morning. Here is what I think is the root problem: i am literally, no hyperbole at all, clinically debilitated by my all-encompassing obsession with love.

What I mean by this is that I am so obsessed with finding a partner, attaching to a partner, stressing about a partner, discarding a partner, and starting the cycle over again that I feel I need some kind of clinical treatment, whether it’s inpatient our outpatient, whether it’s therapy or meds, or I need to join some kind of group like SLAA, whatever I can do to stop this uncontrollable issue that I have accidentally allowed to control my life for years.

I cannot stress enough that I am literally unable to experience life without these obsessions, and I see very little point in living without or outside of this cycle of romantic attachment. The advice to find a new hobby, see my friends more often, or take some time to relax by myself will never be enough—despite hanging out with people or working on a project, I will mentally be in a different place, wondering about my partner/crush or worrying about our relationship. The times are very few and far between when I am genuinely able to forget or not focus on this near-constant train of thought, and it usually happens when I am very busy or have a lot going on in some way. Even when I achieve this state, the moment that I am back to “normal” life with less demands or less concerted focus, the thoughts rush in again. And, much of the time when I am having these continuing obsessive thoughts, I genuinely believe that these thoughts are the most important thing I can focus on in my life, so I will sometimes have difficulty focusing on other stuff, participating in activities with others, or getting things done without these thoughts constantly playing in my mind.

I mean this in the most serious way possible. I am LITERALLY OBSESSED with romance and objects of affection. It sounds like I’m overexaggerating and I think that when I have become vaguely aware of this issue in the past and tried to tell people about it, it has generally been met with the assertion that I MUST be overexaggerating this in some way. And, if I’m not, then it is honestly something that seems super embarrassing to admit or talk about. But the truth is that I feel like I can’t overstate or overexaggerate the impact that this has on my life. I feel like it takes up every moment of my free time and then some, and it has ever since I was a child.

I know this issue essentially fits into all of these diagnoses and issues I’ve been experiencing and reading about, but I somehow feel that it transcends them as well. Like, THIS is the thing that makes normal aspects of life debilitating. THIS is the reason I let my boundaries fall by the wayside so easily. THIS is the reason I repeatedly find myself in situations that make no sense with what I’m actually trying to achieve. THIS is the problem. This singleminded uncontrollable OBSESSION with loving and being loved is INSANE. It is driving me actually nuts and running my life into the ground. It needs to be dealt with and it honestly cannot go on!!!!!!!!

Anyway. I feel encouraged by realizing that but I have no clue how to actually fix it. Thank you very much for reading lol.

#mine #sex therapy #bpd #anxious attachment #boundaries #codependent #slaa #idk just an idea maybe I should go there honest to god #attachment issues #long post #limerence #I sound like I’m genuinely going out of my mind but like this rings so true to me #and it’s like so embarrassing and there’s probably no reason to share it and I feel like people reading my blog will b like wtf is wrong wu #or like think I’m making a big deal out of nothing #or maybe just be like ‘dude that’s just bpd it’s not a big deal’ or whatever #but like being able to explain this through words is a big deal to me idk. I feel kinda stupid for making a big deal ab it #but yeah. it’s a big deal to me and makes me feel better to be able to say it in a way that makes sense to me

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stuckinapril · 1 year

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within the context of your post from november about people leaving and loyalty, how were you managing your anxious attachment since then for it to get easier? ive been struggling a lot with that and would like to get some advice 💗

A big part of it for me was switching from a scarcity mindset to an abundance mindset. Whenever someone was on the cusp of leaving my life, I really would mourn how cool they are as a person & how I might never find someone like them again. Which is technically true, bc everyone is unique, but it’s also just as true that they’re losing me. You have to constantly remind yourself that this is a two-way street. The moment they walk out of your life, they’re losing access to you too. And that just frees up space for other, more appreciative people to enter your life.

I’ve also gotten a lot better at differentiating a gut response from anxiety messing w my head. Whenever I’d get in my head about somebody’s actions, I ask myself “am I being reasonable to assume this? Is this coming from a trustworthy place, or is it just fear of abandonment wanting me to cling to this person right now?” A lot of the time it was the latter. So I’d just remind myself that I didn’t wrong anyone, and that if they spontaneously decide to leave, they’re not really someone I want in my life to begin with. I don’t villify them—I’m just at a point in my life where I’m far more interested in securely attached people than I am in ambivalent ones, and that’s something anyone deserves.

Another big thing is being okay with discomfort. I don’t think anyone can ever reach a level where they never feel strongly about what someone else does, especially if they’re attached to them. You just kind of have to tell yourself “this is uncomfortable right now, but it will pass” and just trust that it will. Literally just be okay w it. The moment I realized all feelings are ephemeral, negative emotion got so much easier to digest.

Start perceiving the other person’s position just as much as you perceive yours. Instead of only asking yourself “What does this say about me?” also ask “What does this say about them?” There were instances where I was so self-flagellating about someone being ambivalently available, I didn’t even realize what their actions were telling me about their character. Most of the time, it wasn’t anything good, and sticking around that person would’ve done nothing but harm me.

Lastly (and I know this is cliche, but it’s true) you really do need to like yourself to be okay with people falling out of your life just as quickly as they’ve fallen in. Every time you attach too strongly to someone else, you’re literally abandoning yourself. You’re making the decision to ditch the one constant in your life (you) for the most volatile thing out there (another person). By doing this, you’re restricting other people from ebbing and flowing—something all of us do naturally. This isn’t just about our emotions; it’s about the other person’s too. We need to let people move the way they want to. Anxious attachment goes against that in a lot of ways, even if it’s just a byproduct of other issues. Unlearning your anxious attachment is a win-win for everyone involved truly

#another thing that really helped me is I just didn’t have the time or energy to give lol #it really expedites these anxious periods for me #last semester I was up to my ears in hard classes / tutoring / lab / friends etc #that I just was like. i don’t have the time to be obsessing over somebody else #so ask urself how vacant ur life is without the person ur hyperfixating on #ask

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dulcewrites · 2 years

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I know you are not taking requests right now. But when you do, Is it possible that you could, if you are comfortable, to write Austin!Elvis proposing or eloping with black!reader? ❤️

You’re All I Need to Get By

Pairing: austin!elvis x black!reader (wc: 946)

Requested: yes (thank you)

Warnings: age gap, allusions to attachment issues and trauma from his mom’s passing. Honestly this is mostly very fluffy and sweet

A/N: This gonna take place around 1970/1971. Elvis was touring, but y’all are in Memphis during this time. He’s 35/36 while reader is 28. This song came on when I was writing it so I decided to name it after that (I don’t know if this is an unpopular opinion but I think I prefer the Aretha version to the tammi and Marvin one) Also when is tumblr gonna step their pussy game up and do Apple Music instead of Spotify 🤔

Elvis feels sick to his stomach. The type of nauseating gnawing he normally only experiences before performances… and sometimes while he watches a big Steelers game.

The party hasn’t even started yet, and he already doesn’t know what to do with himself. Maybe tonight isn’t the night. Maybe he should hold off, but this ring has been burning a hole in his pockets for months. He can’t chicken out now.

You’re zipping around the room like you always do when you get ready; not able to stay in one place. From the closet to your vanity, to the bathroom because “baby, the lighting is different”. Makeup done but hot rollers in your hair; pink silk robe and fuzzy slippers on.

“Ok, the red or the black,” you hold up two dresses and all Elvis can do is blink at them.

You sigh, picking up on his anxious energy, and stand in front of him between his legs.

“I know what this is about.”

“What,” he says it way too loud, looking up a little alarmed. Oh god, you probably found the ring. He should’ve listened to Jerry and gave it to someone to hold. He’s always been bad at keeping secrets.

“Honey, if the colonel calls you again while you’re taking time to yourself, just hand me the phone,” you push his hair from his forehead. “I’ll sure as hell set him straight.”

He looks up at you heart thumping. How the hell did he get this lucky? He can’t mess tonight up. It’s been four years since you’ve starting dating, and now his life has been split up into two times: before meeting you, and after meeting you.

The days in Hollywood started to blend together before meeting you. He remembers feeling like he got punched in the gut the moment he first saw you. It doesn’t hit him how unhappy he had been until he felt the happiness that comes with being with you. It didn’t take him long to realize he’s willing to go the ends of the earth to keep that happiness.

He remembers how much it took to get you to want to leave your home in California. For him, for this life; he knows it’s not easy.

Despite where and how he was raised, the idea of marriage scares him a little. A family that depends on him scares him. He knows he wants that with you. The forever and always. He thrives off having people he loves around.

But with commitment comes expectations, with expectations comes hard work, and hard work means people getting tired and leaving.

He couldn’t handled another person he loves this much leaving him.

Having this party to celebrate the tour wrapping seemed like a good excuse to have everyone in one place for the proposal. Everyone seems to know but you, which is probably a first for you Elvis thinks. You’re inquisitive and sharp, one of the many things he loves about you.

“I like the black,” you go back to looking in the full-length mirror at the dresses.

The anxious feelings only grow as he watches you continue to get ready. God help him.

“Man, I think it’s time,” Jerry whispers and Elvis swallows hard.

The party has been in full swing for a couple hours now. You two worked the room together before parting ways. Elvis spent a lot of the party working over what he wanted to say in head. Maybe he should’ve written something down.

He looks over at you giggling on the couch with some of the other ladies. Brown skin glittering and smile is bright. He loves you so much it kind of hurts.

“I think the man of the hour has something to say,” Jerry calls out, motioning for the music to get turned down.

Fuck.

A couple people give him knowing and encouraging looks. You flash him a curious smile, tilting your head to the side. In group situations like this, he normally ran what he wanted to say by you. Elvis clears his throat coming to center of the living room.

“I’m realizing why went into music and not speech givin’,” the room laughs at his joke.

He sticks one hand in his pocket fiddling with the ring box out of nervousness.

“First, I should thank everyone who went into helping me with the tour,” Elvis starts. “It was long and exhausting, but we did it.”

His eyes scan the room, giving grateful smiles to everyone. He stops when they get on you.

“And of course, I want to thank my baby,” he says shyly. A round of awes come from the people in the crowd. “I wouldn’t be able to do any of this without you.”

You mouth ‘I love you’ to him. Elvis takes steps towards the couch before letting out a shaky breath. He gets down on one knee and your eyes widen. He pulls the ring box out.

“Yes! Holy shit yes!”

Your immediate reaction garners a cacophony of laughs from room, and Elvis beams.

“I haven’t asked yet,” he laughs.

“Right sorry, keep going,” your smile is so wide, and you’ve slid forward on the couch.

“Honey, will you marry me,” Elvis opens the ring box to reveal a sparking oval cut diamond surrounded by two smaller yellow diamonds. Holy shit was right you think.

“Yes,” you exclaim, and he puts the ring on your finger.

Your friends and family let out cheers and whistles when you two share a long kiss. He pulls you two up into a hug.

“I love Mrs. Presley,” he whispers in your ear.

“I love you more Mr. Presley.”

#austin!elvis x black!reader #black!reader #austin!elvis x reader #elvis 2022 #my writing #black!oc #elvis x reader #requests #austin!elvis #elvis imagine #austin butler imagine #elvis presley x reader

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