#I would have tried so fucking hard to better manage my emotions and work through my abandonment issues but I never had a chance to

[teyamsatan]

ᴋɪɴᴋᴛᴏʙᴇʀ ᴅᴀʏ xxɪɪɪ - ʙɪᴛɪɴɢ

pairing: stepbrother!neteyam x omatikaya!reader

➽ words: 1.3k words

➽ a/n: i am unbelievably hot and bothered in an airport, so you better like this besties :((

➽ warnings: it goes without saying, but all of these works (kinktober-related) are smut and therefore minors should NOT interact with them. other warnings include: stepcest(!!!), degradation, mention of spitting in mouth, blood, kinda mean!neteyam

➽ taglist (x) ➽ kinktober masterlist (x)

“You’re in trouble now, little sis.” It was soft and deadly, like the freshly sharpened blade of a knife - his whispered voice, so close to your ear, his hot breath fanning over your face like the breeze of the bright night. It was just as beautiful as it’s always been, but the edge in it scared you almost as much as it turned you on. Your step-brother was always poised, always put-together, always calm. It didn’t feel this way right now, his nose flared and fingers clenched in a tight fist as he was trying his best to maintain the facade, while he turned away from you in order to face the warriors you were casually flirting with at the village celebration, a sweet, too-sweet smile adorning his otherwise threatening features.

“If you’ll excuse us, my sister and I have some… family issues to discuss.”

“Teyam, I—“ his glare was enough for you to stop whatever half-assed apology was about to come out of your mouth. Truthfully, you had no intention of following through with any of the men you managed to seduce in the few hours you did the rounds at the party. No, there was no one that could hold even a pinky to the man you actually wanted, but you knew it wouldn’t happen without a little, well… machiavellian planning on your part. Neteyam and your relationship teetered on a fine line, an unsteady rope that would cause an unsightly fall at the gentlest gust of the wind. There were touches, intimate and moan-inducing, lingering stares that made you question your own sanity and dreams, so many of them, so many that you could never repeat out loud, that you could never even think about without blushing violently, without your loincloth dampening and nipples hardening. You could barely look him in the eye for days when they first started, but then... then you realised he felt the same when you caught him one night, vigorously pumping his throbbing, hard, thick cock, spilling whimpering moans and broken cries of your name. He came violently, moaning praises and hymns of what he'd do to you, and fuck, you knew then you wouldn't rest until every inch of your body memorised his touch by heart and his cock was buried in you so deep and often you couldn't remember what your womb felt like without it.

But time came and time passed and nothing ever happened. He was too good, too in-control of his own emotions and troubling feelings, too focused on the image he tried to hard to reflect to others to succumb to such horrible, nefarious actions. Until now, that is. You smirked a little, unable to help yourself, not when you got him exactly where you wanted him, not when it was stirring animalistic desires in you you knew he'd manage to fulfil.

“My little step-sister's such a little slut, isn't she? You obviously need to be reminded who you belong to.” 

You yelped silently as Neteyam yanked your hand and pushed you away from the crowd, manhandling your much smaller frame with ease as he dragged you to a dark, isolated corner of the village, before pushing you roughly until your back made contact with the hard, gravelly surface of a tree.

It was heaven, breakable, forbidden heaven, the way he pushed apart your legs with his thick, lustrous thigh and gave you some much-needed alleviation. It was hell, the way he didn't move or go any further, wrapping his fingers around your slim throat and squeezing until whatever little breath he didn't manage to already take away was trapped in you, just like you were trapped in him.

"What do you have to say for yourself, huh? Throwing yourself at anyone with a pulse, like a whore. You're a Sully now, that fucking means something, do you hear me?"

You could hear him, but you couldn't answer, not when he was still holding you by the throat, restricting your movement and your ability to speak, not when your head felt lightheaded and your tewng wetter with every second passed.

"Are you so desperate to get fucked, little sis? This needy little cunt so desperate you'd settle for any low-life, huh?"

He released you then and you moaned, bucking your hips so you'd get the friction you desperately wanted, almost euphoric when he seemed to listen and he undid your loincloth expertly, uncovering your dripping folds. He wasted no time stroking his fingers against you, circling your clit with his thumb while pushing two long digits in your sopping entrance, finding the spot that made you see stars instantly, incessant in his attempt to bring you to your knees in the shortest amount of time possible.

"But it's not just any of them you want, mm? No... not when you whisper my name in the dead of night when you think we're all asleep. Not when you touch yourself while calling for your big brother to come and show you how you need to be treated."

He didn't stop until you came, loudly screaming his name, hoping no one could hear the way you were coming apart on your big brother's fingers.

When the high settled, he took off his own clothes, lifting you in the air by the back of your knees, holding you easily up while he dragged his tip teasingly against your folds, over and over, enjoying seeing you squirm from both overstimulation and need.

"You're mine. Do you hear me?"

He thrust his whole length into you in a one fell swoop, easy at it's ever going to be with the amount of slick running down your legs and down his heavy balls, yearning to spill their load in your tight pussy. You felt him everywhere - so fucking big, so full of him you could feel it in your belly, in the way he was pushing the skin there upwards, a bump clearly visible as he entered you to the hilt.

"Y-yes! Fuck, yes!"

You sobbed when he buried his head in your neck and sunk his sharp, deadly canines into the sensitive skin, the piercing pain heightening the pleasure of his ministrations, the way he was bouncing you on his cock like you were a weightless doll, using you as his own personal cock-sleeve.

"Fucking. Say. It."

He increased the force of his thrusts with each word uttered, highlighting their importance and the feral ways by which your presence in his life possessed him, it made him an unleashed animal who needed to own you, to rut into you until every ridge of his cock was imprinted in your walls. You tried to speak in between each impetuous onslaught, the pleasure so earth-shattering all you managed were stutters and whimpered attempts.

"Yours! All yours! On-only yours!"

Lapping at your neck until every drop of your blood was coating his tongue, he kissed you, rough and untamed, moaning when your tongue pushed past his lips and danced with his own, loving the feel of you on him, impatient to taste your own cum when he'd spit it in your mouth.

"That's right. Mine." he was so big, splitting you open with every bruise against your cervix, and you could feel another wave of pleasure close to crashing into you with enough force to crumble you. So close... oh, so close.

"Squeezing me so well, fuck. So fucking needy for big brother's cock, you want to milk me dry, isn't that right?"

You nod wildly against his lips, and he smirks as he breaks the kiss to look at you, to take in all your fierce, ethereal beauty.

"Come for me, then. Come for me and take it, sis. Don't you dare waste a single drop."

taglist: @pandoraslxna @sulieykte @blue-slxt @eywaeveng @neteyamsikran @elenamoncada-ibarra @spicymayyo @itsjazzsworld @daddysmurfslefttoenail @eyrina-avatar @iameatingmyhair @hadesbabygurl@linydoll @the-mourning-moon@kasai-https @dvxsja (if your tag doesn't work pls check your settings x)

#lunaskinktober2023 #lunaskinktober2023 re: teyamsatan #༊*·˚ andra's works #neteyam #neteyam x reader #neteyam fanfic #neteyam reader #neteyam sully #avatar #avatar twow #avatar fanfic #neteyam x avatar!reader #neteyam sully fanfiction #neteyam angst #awow #awow neteyam #neteyam smut #neteyam x y/n #avatar way of water #neteyam x reader smut #neteyam x you #neteyam fluff #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #tw: aged up #aged up characters #aged up neteyam #tw aged up #neteyam drabble #avatar drabble #avatar x reader

[thecuriousquest]

Baby Bird

Tag List: @issamomma

Warnings: Platonic yandere themes, pretend the drinking age in Japan is 21, manipulation, threats, isolation, grounding as a punishment

Request: Heyy, just wanted to say I love your writing!! Here’s a request/idea of your interested- Yandere older brother hawks when he catches u sneaking out to see your friends who he forbid u to see

Checkout my Master List here.

—————————————————————————

“Keigie,” you sing to get his attention, calling him by an old nickname to butter him up.

“Yes, my sweet baby sister?”

“Can I go out with some friends tonight?”

Hesitantly, he looks at his watch. You can see him trying to come up with a reason to not let you go out.

“I did all my chores and homework, and it’s not a school night! I can be back before eleven. Please?”

With a hand on the back of his neck, he turns you down. “I’m sorry, I don’t think it’s good for you to be out that late.”

“Keigie, I’m nineteen! I want to go out and have some fun. Please?”

“Calm down. Yelling is only going to get you grounded.”

You can’t believe him. No, wait, that’s not true. You knew this would be a possibility. You tried to make as little excuses as you could for him by doing your homework and chores. You even waited for the weekend to come before you asked him. Taking a deep breath so you don’t get too emotional, you close your eyes and sigh.

Opening them, you look at him coldly. “Fine, Keigo, I’ll just stay in my room for another Friday night and not enjoy another weekend with my friends.” You turn on your heel and pad up to your room, slamming the door shut once you get there.

———

Not even thirty minutes later, he gets a call telling him he has to do a job. It’s a major threat, and his quirk is fit for the work that needs to get done. He knocks rapidly on your door. Once you tell him that he can come in, he pokes his blonde head in your room.

“I have to go to work. You stay here. I’ll take you out for ice cream when I get back. Okay? Love you, Baby Bird.”

Pouting because HE gets to go out, you cross your arms. However, you know how important “I love you” is to Keigo. This could end up being the last chance you have to say that to him.

“I love you too, Keigie.”

He smiles at you with a lopsided grin. Leaving the house, he flies away to the site of the attack.

You look at your phone and bite your lip, wondering if you could get away with it. You don’t know how long Hawks will be gone for. Sometimes, it’s only up to an hour. Other times, less frequently, he could be gone for up to five hours. It all depends on the job he’s working.

Taking a major risk, you decide to text your friends, telling them you’ll meet them at the bar.

———

You’re having a great time with your friends. You all ordered chips and dip. You even have tacos to munch on. Using your fake I.D, you managed to get yourself a vodka soda. You never had one before now, and it only makes you want another one.

“No, remember when Mizuki fucking fell down on the dance floor, and Y/N’s heel broke when she tried to help her up, and she ended up falling on top of Mizuki?” Hibiki bursts out in laughter as he tells the story. You’re surprised he was able to make it through relaying the events of that night because he’s about to fall out of his chair from laughing so hard.

And then he’s so drunk that he does fall out of his chair, and the entire table is giggling and chuckling. You’re slamming your fist on the table because you can’t catch your breath.

As you prepare to finish off your vodka soda with a final few sips, Hawks barges into the bar, ruining the relaxed and hilarious atmosphere you had built over the last two hours with your friends.

You didn’t realize he was there until you hear a very familiar voice yell, “She’s underage, you asshole!”

Turning around, you see Hawks shoving your waiter aside and stalking towards you. He grabs your glass. “This better be a fucking virgin if you know what’s good for you.” He takes a sniff of your drink. “Oh, you’re fucking dead. I’m going to roast you alive when we get home.”

You’re a little tipsy but not shitfaced drunk like Hibiki. Standing up isn’t difficult, and you try to walk as fast as your heels can carry you. It isn’t far.

A hand wraps around your wrist, pulling you into the chest of one pissed off big brother.

“I thought I told you to stay at the house. I’m pretty sure I made myself clear, sis.”

Feeling bold from your liquid courage, you puff your chest out, and you can see that Keigo doesn’t like it at all.

“Yeah, well, I’m sick of you always telling me what to do just because Ma and Pa aren’t around anymore. You can’t keep locking me up in my room. It’s fucking annoying.”

“Are you fucking kidding me? With all of the things I do for you, I never throw them in your face, but I do so fucking much for you. All I ask is that you obey my rules! You know the reason why I can’t let you go out on your own. I have targets on my back. Someone could kidnap you to get to me. If not hanging with your friends is the price you have to pay to stay safe, then fucking pay it because your friends don’t mean shit to me. You do. Your life is what matters to me the most.”

It must hurt your friends to hear a pro hero say he couldn’t give a fuck about them. However, his words hurt you even more. You don’t even know how to respond because you feel like he’s making so many fair points.

When your eyes lower, Keigo knows he has won the argument. He pays your tab and drags you out of the bar before flying you home. The entire way there, he contemplates how to punish you.

“How did you even find me,” you ask as you turn your head slightly so he can hear you.

“I tracked your phone. Now, be quiet. I don’t want to hear another word from you tonight.”

———

Once home, he decides to lock you in your room until morning. He claims he needs to cool off before giving you a punishment. You only nod your head before hearing the lock on the outside of your door click.

You can barely sleep, and when morning arrives, you feel groggy and fatigued. Keigo raps on your door loudly, knowing that it will make you regret drinking.

You groan as he opens the door. He walks in with water, two headache pills, and breakfast on a tray. He sets it down on your bedside table before taking a seat on your bed. He looks like he’s been thinking about something all night because of the little crease between his brows.

“First of all, how did you get into a bar?”

Sighing, you reach into your bedside table drawer for your wallet. You pluck your fake I.D., handing it to your brother. You rationalize that there’s no point in hiding it from him. He’ll just tear your room apart in order to find anything incriminating.

Keigo looks at you with determination. “You’re doing your schooling online for the rest of the year.”

It feels as though your stomach has been punched with an iron fist. “What?”

“You heard me. I can’t trust you, so you’re doing your classes online. I’ll show you how everything works tomorrow. This is your punishment for going out behind my back.”

“But, I want to go to school in person and see my friends!”

“Yeah, well, I wanted to go out and get ice cream with you after work, but we all don’t get what we want.”

In that moment, you attempt to slap him, forgetting his quick reflexes and experience as a pro hero. He grabs your wrist and glares at you.

“Do you really want to make it two years?”

Your lower lip wobbles as tears well up in your eyes. “No, I don’t.”

“Then apologize.”

“I’m sorry…”

Keigo releases your limb, and you turn away from him, crossing your arms. You actually can’t believe he’s going this far. Usually, he would just lecture you or ground you for a few weeks. This is entirely different. There are seven months left in the year, and he plans on grounding you for all of them just because you went out drinking with your friends.

“Hey, don’t be like that. Even though this is a punishment, I still love you. I always will. I’m doing this for you. I have to protect you from the people who might want to use you to get to me. We can still have some fun and hangout together. I’ll take you out for ice cream and pizza later on in the week if you behave yourself. Okay?”

When he doesn’t get a response from you, he reaches over and grabs your shoulder, trying to get you to look at him. Your expression is miserable. Not even pizza and ice cream could sway you into a better mood.

Tears soak your lashes and cheeks, giving your E/C eyes a glassy look.

“Can you just leave?” your breath hitches on the last syllable, and it utterly breaks your brother’s heart.

The winged hero sighs and nods. “Sure. If that’s what you want. Take your medicine and eat something. It’ll help with the hangover,” he explains as he stands up and leaves.

“I love you, Baby Bird,” he tells you right as he’s about to close the door.

Keigo stands there for a beat, waiting and hoping for you to say something in return.

Closing your eyes, you wipe your tears away. “Love you too, Keigie.”

#submission #triggering content #triggering themes #yandere themes #yandere #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #yandere x darling #my hero acedamia #boku no hero academia #yandere big brother #yandere brother #platonic yandere #platonic yandere takami #mha hawks #wing hero hawks #pro hero hawks #bnha hawks #yandere hawks #mha takami keigo #bnha keigo takami #keigo takami #yandere keigo takami #yandere keigo #bnha yandere

[canaidliafail]

Stay grounded pt.4

[ part 5]

streamer abby x streamer reader 🌿 MDI

notes: alright so this was long. almost 4k words if Im right but its cause I had a lot I wanted to say. This episode is a lil more depressing then the rest since I spoke a bit on loss & trauma. I hope you don’t mind that and still enjoy reading it 🤍 it does end on a very positive note though :>

CW: trauma and mentions of loss of parental figures, sexual content, alcohol usage and Abby being a community strap

•ABBY’s POV•

•if I leave, maybe I can start again , Do right on the wrongs and have a better chance •

_________

In your darkest hours, when it's most difficult to stay afloat you will find yourself in absolute cold white solitude . It's not that you don’t have friends, it's that your fall tends to happen when everyone is away,

you friends will have exams or an important event, your parents will most likely be drowning in work.

such is the course of life. So with bared teeth and a tense jaw you have no choice but to march on. Abby's downfall came in the form of persistent nightmares where she would see her dad. Every year near his death’s anniversary she would become a shell of herself and in those weak moments she leaped back into old habits and sought out comfort in old connections. Until the consequences of those actions caught up to her and she paid double the price in fallen friendships and blackmail

In grief your judgment is clouded. Your anger takes the best of you but see, the world doesn’t owe you an apology.You know, you don’t get over a loved one's death. You just learn to live with it. Live with that and every other hard bitter truth. And that's what Abby learned to do.

_________

Abby enjoyed her routine and the way she had neatly organized every aspect of her life. She maintained a perfect balance of secrecy and exposure and kept everything under wraps, emotions included. Her manager did occasionally usher her to post more scandalous things since she was about to open an onlyfans but abby remained adamant that her crowd would find out about it without her saying so much as a word

Everything had a plan and purpose and everything was peaceful. Until you came into her life out of nowhere. She could not understand why did her mind stay so hangup on your name after that stream but she was sure she had seen it before.

perhaps in a fanart or maybe a shoutout?

so she went to check that day her socials until she saw your repost and the familiar username popped up cottoncandy

she looked at it and went through your profile and hated how intrigued she was by your interests but mostly by your appearance. There was something too unique to pass by and so she had decided to close her phone and go to the gym.

I can not allow someone in my life right now. Everything is in its place and it just…it wont work

She tried to convince herself while getting dressed. But you lingered in her mind like a vulture circling around waiting to pounce. There was a girl at her gym, one that she didn't know her name but she was presentable and had a spunky attitude and most importantly, really wanted Abbys attention. Abby was in the middle of taking a break between sets and took off her cap to wipe her face from the sweat with her gym towel. The girl approached her then and had her usual chatter that often times lasted around three…maybe four minutes. This time she was determined to ask Abby out. And Abby normally would agree without giving much thought into it. Nora once had called her community strap and she hated how well that nickname fit. When the question came though Abby found herself putting on her black hat back on and lowering it enough that the shadow would cover her eyes,rejecting the expecting girl curtly and went back to her sets with more force than usual. Because nothing today went “as it usually fucking would”

When she went back home she spent a good few hours stalking you and then another few denying she did that.

she texted Nora who unceremoniously left her on

read

“fuck” abby mumbled

It had been…years since she felt a spark of interest towards someone. Sure she was sexually active. Ever since she had her sexuality figured out she spent a year making up for lost time sleeping left and right with every woman that winked at her. However none of those girls -which did not lack in wit or looks in any way- piqued her interest. So she was bothered by you and why you were on her mind so much. She doom scrolled your entire page and when that was no longer enough she searched your YouTube channel to find your videos. 2.

Only two videos which meant thats how much it took for you to move to streaming. She rested on her couch and Alice whined next to her

“I do not need my own dog bullying me right now” she growled and Alice laid on her bed feigning innocence. She put your video playing in the background.and would chuckle at your jokes and then she would actually break into loud laughter and would replay a moment in awe. Eventually when wrapping up the video you sat back and had a talk in response to an older question

-I like this game.it speaks on the experience of loss which ,well…anyone who has personally lived through it would know how isolating that feeling is. I like that. Most importantly I like that depending on where you are in life you will take a very different message from this game, the purpose of revenge, forgiveness or acceptance. Or maybe something else that I am not in that stage to grasp yet. Highly recommend you guys play it as well-

She was taken aback. She didn't expect this video to end on such a note and she felt her heart ache. Not in pain but in something else entirely. Her frustration turned into delight. She started liking what you did to her and that was enough for her to make a move

___________

Ellie and Abby had a weird relationship. Abby no longer hated her but she didn’t like her either, however being in the same community and city meant you would have to be involved one way with one another thus she took the smart, professional decision to keep things civil. It was her managers request really, no. It was a demand actually but she followed through. So while they occasionally would post a pic whenever they hang out, Abby wanted nothing more to do with her unless necessary and she believed that the feelings were mutual.

However when she saw Ellie take notice of you the way she had something snapped. Abby had the privilege of being in Ellie “close friends” story and saw the upcoming comment of her admiring you and she got jealous. so she had to pull something. Something to keep you focused on her.

Her insecurities always got the best of her in times like this and when it happened she was irrational. She decided buying you that beloved statue that you mentioned more than once on your streams would send the message clearly

you didn’t. Because gifts were anonymous. But someone did get the message a few days later

“explain this purchase please” he asked mad and impatient

“Thought you wanted me to branch out and go international. She is an upcoming streamer and-“

“oh. So its a she. Explains a lot then. Should I be concerned for more large expenses on behalf of your breaching out?”

said her manager with a sharp tone. Abby pursed her lips and looked up and away in concentration. Truthfully she was bad at this. at being professional. That's why she had a manager. She forgot to account for the fact that the transactions she made went through him, which was usually a good thing. She forgot why now, but it was

“I promise I won’t do anything stupid…well-“

she tried and she heard Isaacs deep breathing on the other line

“yes?”

silence

“abby speak. I’ve known you long enough”

“So I thought of sending her a video…would that be good?”

“I do not want to know about your private sex life”

“no see I won’t directly send it…”

more silence. Abby chewed on her lip and rubbed her neck. She was sitting on her gaming chair ready to film and she was hot and ready enough which she feared Isaacs boring tone would turn her off and would ruin her plan

“It has to be behind a paywall. Abby this is business and even though I don’t want to ruin whatever fairytale shit you are living in you can’t keep doing whatever you want, you have a name and”

she put he phone on speaker and left it on her desk. she walked to her kitchen, made a coffee and filled alices bowl with food. when she went back to the room Isaac was still talking

“alright so how much should I charge?”

“400. The way you usually do”

“400?! There’s no way she will pay that- She doesn’t even know it will be sent only to her” she protested and he groaned

“200?” she asked

“250 and that's final” and he finally hung up. She smiled and once she was back and ready she started filming.

it started slow and she didn’t really intend to go too far. just enough to give you a taste of her. She had a very clear image of you in her head. Eventually though her thoughts drifted to you between her thighs, on your knees and ready to taste her. She let out a sigh and her fingers circled her clit in slow motions. she pictured you biting the waistband and asking for permission, looking up at her with those lovely eyes. your voice came a lot cleared than she expected

“Can I? abs?” and she groaned and let out a chocked

-fuck- as her hand went lower and she started fingering herself. She tried to fool herself that it was your tongue against her folds instead of her rough calloused fingers

“fuck cotton-“ she whispered and folded in on herself as she started thrusting harder still not getting the satisfaction that she craved. she wanted to feel you. On top of her riding her strap and beneath her as she rode your face. She knew you would look good all messed up, makeup ruined from the heated session.

What did you sound like when you moaned ? Were you loud in bed ? did you talk a lot? were you shy?

Fuck I wanna know…I need to know you

and with that she came. she grabbed her phone and the 20 minute video she had planned had to be cut at the 3 minute mark due to her stupidity calling out your name. Loud and clear too. she sat on the floor and stared at the footage for a good few minutes before sending it and waiting with the tab open.

within the first hour she already feared that you would buy the video. she even considered deleting it and sending it for free. she could deal with Isaac tomorrow

but few minutes later she saw the pending turn to paid

_________

Almost as if in another timeline, she had to visit a professional on matters she deemed unimportant, and if they ever mattered to her, she now forgot why.

Abbys therapist was a woman cunning and smart and could decode everything about Abby. They had been working for a year. That was the longest that Abby ever stuck with the same therapist before running away in anger at the lack of progress. She was unsure if this one helped, but she did find herself accepting her anger and coming to terms with it. She would still cry about it and she would always stay spiteful to her peers that still had their parents close.

“I’m happy that you seem more willing to open up your heart again Abby. I have to ask though. Are you sure this isn’t a hopeful trauma bond that you are seeking to create?”

“No, definitely not. Sure I liked that she seemed more insightful and all but no, I just like her for all the other aspects” Her therapist took note of that and Abby felt insecure in herself and her decisions once again

________

After her bold move on onlyfans, She did expect to get the silent treatment but she underestimated how stubborn you would be about it and that was a thing that really excited her.

such a brat

She held the plastic cup in her hand and stared at the clear liquid as it swished back and forth.

“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. What if she doesn’t even like me? I mean I know she has been following me for a while but that doesn’t say anything…”

Manny leaned against the table and crossed his arms in consideration.

“I dont know man I think she does like you, she’s probably just shy or something”

“shy?!Manny she hasn’t texted me in two days and we were supposed to call again last night”

“oh, so two days is too much but you leaving her on ready for weeks is fine?”

Abby rolled her eyes

“Do you have to remember every little thing?!” She looked around at the crowd dancing and playing beer pong. She didn’t even remember whose villa this was, only that it was a big shot youtubers that she got invited to. She usually avoided these events. Abby, despite of everyone's assumptions, was in fact shy and a little awkward and when Mel & Owen were at these parties it made her a lot more tense than she already was. She saw the couple in a corner kiss and then talk with others and eventually Mel would glare at Abby.

With a long sigh she grabbed her phone to check your profile. you had a story next to the statue she got you and she felt her cheeks heat up in excitement the room finally going quiet as her focus was directed at your photo. She slid up to respond to the image and was interrupted by someone getting a little too close to her personal space

“So you know her?” Ellie asked. Abby looked at the short girl and held back a scoff

“Kind of. We occasionally talk”

Ellie nod and looked around and then back at Abby

“Ugh…do you perhaps know if she is..single? or lesbian?”Abby sat on that and realized you actually had never explicitly announced your sexuality which made her reconsider every damn thing she did so far. Then came the next question.

were you even single ? or did she just make a move on someone who is spoken for?

Abby noticed ellie cock a brow and before she could smirk in triumph she locked her phone and shoved it in her pocket

“Yes she is but she already has her eyes on someone” She half lied. I mean she did hope you had your sights set on her but she couldn’t know for sure. You had talked about things before but somehow Abby never even thought to question you about those very crucial details.

“hm…I see” said Ellie and abby gave her a curt nod and excused herself. She was in no mood to talk to her any further than that but she felt uneasy. Ellie was persistent and Ellie was also, very openly a lesbian. she was attractive and there was no reason you wouldn’t be attracted to her.

“fuck this is so stupid” she mumbled to herself and went to fill her cup with more alcohol. there was no way she would be able to handle the night otherwise.

At this point two things were possible. She was drunk or she was seeing things. She double checked and indeed, there was a message from you. a few actually with videos attached and all. If she were at home, she would be screaming in ecstasy. she went to the bathroom for privacy and checked your chat which consisted of a mess of texts thanking her for the gift and the rest fawning over how ‘gorgeous Eivor looks in this size” and Abby bit her lip to stop herself from smiling anymore like an idiot. It was adorable. She watched the videos again and again of you showing her the statue which she didn't really care about but just your excited voice was enough for her to stay hooked on those three, 4 second clips.

Glad you liked the gift

Cotton candy: liked ????? My God I need to make it up to you somehow I don't know how, like dfjjdkrkge

A breathy chuckle escaped Abbys lips as her heart swelled at the sight of your texts. She noticed in the short span of talking to you that you tended to speak a lot more and a lot faster when it came to your interests. Without filter too and she liked that.

How about that call that you completely ghosted me on?

Cottoncandy: Ok listen I was…well

Cottoncandy: Fine sure. I’m free now if you are ?

Sure. I'll go take a shower and be back

And Abby rushed out of the bathroom and went straight to Manny to ask for her coat and car keys.

“What ,are you leaving?”

“Yeah sorry I’m not feeling so well, think I’m getting another migraine”

She said morphing her face into a pained expression and grabbed her leather jacket the minute he passed it over to her. She had never seen herself fold so fast over a girl and she was not in the mental state to acknowledge how embarrassing all of this was on her behalf

half an hour later when she was back home she immediately texted you trying to seem cool, relaxed, unbothered even

ready?

cottoncandy: sure :)

and she pressed “call”

__________

Things were just easier after that. She noticed you relax up and get bolder, responding to her posts more often and occasionally sending a text without waiting for her to post a story which she admitted to have started doing a lot more often for the sole purpose of giving you the push you needed to talk to her. You would often hang out at each other's streams and she quickly found out that when it came to humor, it was identical to one another and would throw jabs at each other that kept the chat entertained and Isaac pleased because your audience had new things to speculate. Abby was public with her friendships without disclosing anything more which left her audience running in circles and trying to pry more private information. This whole back and forth with you now reignited the audience's spark and due to how new it was, everyone seemed supportive and excited. In the back of her mind, Abby feared that this would eventually prove to be difficult to manage but she forced herself to stop rushing things in her head.

At the end of the day, so far you two were just friends who talked and, well, had probably simultaneously jacked off at the thought of one another without ever addressing that. That was another thing Abby chose not to speak about despite the fact that she would obsessively check on who purchased her sets to come to the sad realization that she had in fact scared you off her onlyfans.

She wasn’t sure if all of those were things she was supposed to feel, after all she had never taken it slow with anyone. Not that she ever gave them the time being that she would mostly do one night stands. With you it was different and she had to understand if it was due to the distance or if you were special to her after all

cottoncandy: Uni was AWFUL. I am actually dropping out

you are so dramatic

Came her response to which she received a fiery series of messages of you whining about how difficult things were before winter break.

cottoncandy: I honestly can't wait for it. I am so excited to just rest :)))

any plans? Do you have a trip planned with your friends or maybe your partner?

you read the message immediately but it took you a few minutes to respond and Abby gave a pat on her back in a derogatory way.

this is the worst possible way I could’ve asked if she is single

cottoncandy: no specific plans and no partner. I'll probably rot on my couch since my plans on going on a trip crumbled.I would cry but my tears run thin due to exams these days

You really like traveling dont you?

Cottoncandy: Who doesn’t ? I love visiting my friends abroad or vice versa

Abby didn't travel much. Not outside the country at least. She considered your messages and tried not to delude herself into a double meaning. Were you asking for an invite or were you inviting her ? Perhaps you were just venting. She was Picking at a thin layer of unstuck plastic from her table and toyed with it until it snapped. Either was she now knew you were not seeing someone and she could make a move guilt free

There wasn’t really a discreet way to go about this and if she was going to suggest it, you would need at least a heads up to rearrange your schedule.

I could visit you for winter break. I’m usually free around that time

She was rambling. She never spoke that much. But the rewarding excited messages that followed suit were rewarding enough to make up for her discomfort

Cottoncandy: Holy shit are you , wait for real?!

Sure. I always wanted to visit your city

She didn't. Again, Abby didn't travel. She didn't care about traveling. She just wanted to see you. Her phone screen went blank and then your face popped up on call.

“Yes?”

-Did you mean it? Cause if so I need to prepare things

“Like I said. We both have those two weeks available and it was about time I took a little trip. I could talk my manager into believing this is for work”

-Oh sure. If you want we can do a collab as well so that you don't take a loss in revenue and stuff

“Cotton its fine. I just wanna hang out with you. Don’t worry, leave that up to me”

She reassured and felt her ego inflate at how easily you seemed to be put at ease with her words. She couldn’t know for sure if her attraction was romantic or just sexual but she sure as hell loved the way you two aligned.

You spoke for a while and with winter break only a month away you already settled on the dates.

“I have to go to the gym now but I’ll send you a text once I get the tickets so that you know what time Ill be there

-alright perfect! See ya

Abby put her phone away and for a few minutes she would occasionally laugh, softly, while imagining what it would be like. She was nervous and with delight she noticed that she finally regained that spark in her where she had a crush and wanted to speak about her instead of statistics, trauma or finances. she felt good

#abby anderson #abby anderson x you #abby anderson x female reader #abby anderson x reader #tlou2 #the last of us #abby anderson x y/n #mdi #Spotify

[gojoscloset]

Coward pt. 2

Gojo Satoru x Reader angst

Warnings: Angsty , not proof read, written at work, sexualized themes / NSFW

Continuation of Coward pt. 1

————————

Please read before we continue:

Hello Angels it’s been a long long time I know I know I’m really sorry! Every time I get my creative juices flowing the world brings someone into my life that only wants to fuck with my emotions and then I stray away from creative things and yada yada it’s a never ending cycle honestly! Originally the chapter was going to be a lot longer but I felt bad that I’ve been leaving some of y’all hanging without a hint or context so I split it just to give you guys something for now and hopefully I’ll bring more to the table next chapter! (^: I’ve actually been reading hella fanfic so it’s gotten me back into my zone and I know I always say this but hopefully I’ll get back into the swing of things! Much love, hope you all have a good day and enjoy! Also if it applies, happy holidays ❤️

Let’s continue shall we?

——————-

“Here you go baby, this one’s on the house. You look like you could use a little pick me up.”

You snapped out of your thoughts and watched the waiter as she placed a to-go cup of coffee in front of you.

“Also, we closed a few minutes ago, but take your time darling, no rush.” She gave you a knowing smile and left you alone to return to your thoughts. You managed to thank her before she headed to the back, assuming she was finishing up her cleaning duties before going home.

You finally looked up and around the diner, it was empty and quiet with the exception of the soft music playing in the background and sounds of cooks and servers cleaning up in the heart of the house. You arrived around midday, but the sun set long ago, how long have you been there?

You gathered your things and cleaned up your booth a little, placing a nice tip underneath a ketchup bottle before walking back home. Moments like these were not unfamiliar to you, well at least not anymore. You thought about all of it on your way home and how the lines blurred drastically after Gojo left. Your days felt meshed together and it was hard to separate the happier emotions from the negative. Everything that normally felt good felt plain. Bland. Numb. To say Gojos absence shook your world was an understatement.

The world continued to spin but your world felt like it was falling apart for weeks now, yet You were forced to live life normally when all you wanted to do was lie down for a long long time and let flowers bloom from your chest. But of course, this was real life, and the show must go on.

Your immediate friends and family knew about the situation, (albeit not in detail). They tried their best to get you into better spirits. Invitations to outings, being forced out of your home for drinks and the occasional club.You knew they meant well with all the drinks and parties and outings, but god you hated it. You hated having to get ready, and hated when you would have to re-blend your makeup, or redo your lashes because you started to cry halfway through.

Or when you would constantly remind yourself not to unfocus your eyes and dissociate in front of your friends. Or when someone would say something funny and you had to fake laugh and fake match the energy your friends were putting out so you wouldn’t accidentally let it slip how bad you were actually doing.

Pretending to fix your hair or makeup in the restroom just so you could look at yourself a little longer in the mirror. Well rather the shell of you.You tried your best to mask it all, but everyone knew the look, heartbreak was a universal thing. You could cloak your sadness with alcohol and cheap thrills but everyone knows at some point the party has to come to an end.

In other words your friends knew, and you knew they knew. How could they miss it when you yourself would look in the mirror and see a fake bitch looking back at you? You felt just as fake as the man who did this to you. You had the same lifeless look in your eyes, you looked just like him.

—

“Everything alright?” A voice called to you from the bottom of the steps of your complex. It was your neighbor, Jun, casually smoking what looked like a USB port.

‘Damn, when did I make it home?’ You thought but smiled at him

“Yeah, um I was thinking about work, but I’m doing alright, thank you .”

“Positive? Because I haven’t seen you or the tall one in a while. I don’t hear y’all laughing when I walk my dog anymore.”

You cleared your throat, temporarily getting rid of the lump forming, just enough for you to speak without sounding like you were going to cry.

“Ha….yeah …Let’s just say he’s not in the picture anymore.” There was an uncomfortable moment of silence after you said that.

“He didn’t deserve you anyway” Jun had no idea what the situation was, but you could always tell he was for the girls, apparently having been raised in a house full of women. (Information gained after knowing him since the day you moved to these apartments.)

You fake laughed and shook your head. “It is what it is, I suppose. But you know, life continues.” You gave him another smile and watched him take another hit of his vape.

“True. But also” he exhaled the smoke blowing it away from your direction. “You don’t have to pretend with me. Breakups aren’t easy, especially when you’re alone. I won’t pry, but if you need to talk about it, like really talk about it, you know where to find me.”

—

You actually ended up accepting Jun’s offer a few nights later. It was another one of those days where you had the mighty strong urge to drastically change some part of your life to feel like you were in control. You suggested going bald. Jun, however, suggested you look for another job, one that ‘wasn’t remote so you could interact with other people, rather than being locked in your home for days at a time.’

You also mentioned to Jun how you felt like you were going crazy constantly thinking about Satoru. How he would plague your mind 24/7 and you felt like a psycho for always thinking of him.

“We’ll if you feel like you’re going crazy, do something crazy. But obviously not something that will hurt you or others. But whatever you choose, get out of your comfort zone.”

And that you did.

If someone told you a few months ago you quit your remote job to work as a bartender at a bar that caters mainly to the ‘male gaze’ you would probably look at them crazy and offer them a number to a hotline, yet here you were

“Frozen or on the rocks?”

Working your charm at the bar, something you hadn’t done since before you moved to Japan. It was a leap of faith, and a damn good one if you do say so yourself.

Despite it being a very risky decision, to you this has been one of the most refreshing decisions you’ve made in a while. Sure you hated going to places like these with your friends in efforts to forget about Satoru, but it was different when money was involved. You finally felt like you paved a way to healing, everything felt great, for the moment.

You knew the few shifts a week would turn into being scheduled for the whole week. But you didn’t mind, the burnout felt good as hell as it was a socially acceptable form of self harm. But what you liked the most was you rarely had time to think about Satoru. It was always Wake up, get ready for work, work, go home, sleep,repeat. There was no time to think of boys, only time to think about what drinks were next in queue.Ticket after ticket, tip after tip the money came fast, and you spent it slow. Sure, sometimes you would be tired,or you would have to miss events you were interested in, but when the money talks, you listen.

—-

Working at the bar had its perks financially, sure however there was something else you slowly grew a liking to, one that unfortunately motivated you just as much as the money.

Attention.

You swore up and down that you were only doing it for the money. That your flirtatious choice of words were simply to sway your customers for your own gain, but there was much more behind your coquettish behavior.

It definitely made you feel guilty at first, like you were still somehow tied to him. Nonetheless you talked sweet to men because you knew you attract more bees with honey, and you were your sweetest if they were handsome, or if they looked like they could hand-some money over. Money was cool for a while but the validation?The attention that you gave to other men? It did something to you.

Secretly, the flirting and constant attention was a form of revenge for you. One you felt was harmless but actually had consequences.

In the moment where you knew you had someone around your finger your thoughts moved to Satoru. For a split second you would think about how much it would hurt him if he knew, and it felt good even if it was just for a few seconds. What you didn’t know was revenge actually releases dopamine, something you’ve been lacking for a while now which is why it was easy to get hooked on this rebound behavior in attempts to fill the void money stopped filling. The desire also influenced your appearance, having you invest in a number of things from Acrylics to lashes and tattoos, to expensive perfumes and hair extensions. Small things that made a big difference in how men treated you, and how they tipped you. You saw the difference it made, and you wanted more. The flirty conversations at the bar top soon turned into heated (but safe) one night stands with whoever you chose, continuing to fuel your petty reasoning.

Shamefully when the alcohol hit and things got nasty you would daydream about Satoru walking in on you and whoever you were with so he could see what he left behind, so he could hurt like you were hurting.

Even if you knew this was all in your head.

—

It was one of the busiest nights at the Bar, nothing you weren’t used to. The music blasted in the building putting you in the zone, like you were on autopilot.

You timed and coordinated everything to ensure a good shift, you organized the drinks, socialized with the customers and made sure everyone was happy, it was your job after all.

On top of everything it was a themed night at the bar, lingerie night to be exact. The girls wore their best lingerie, nothing that would have their bits all on display, but pretty damn close! And you were no exception, you wore your best embroidered lace set, tight ribbons squeezing your torso and thighs to give your figure the ‘squishy’ look. You knew they were a sucker for lace and ribbon. You did a darker western makeup look this time, something sexy and bold to stand out a little more.

——

Two tall figures approached the bar top, and you turned to them, multiple beers pressed against your chest and you popped them open back to back quickly “hey babes! I’ll be right -“ you froze in place and almost dropped everything in your hand.

You made eye contact with Geto and smiled, shaky but it counted. You didn’t even have to look at the other man to know who accompanied Geto, the two were attached at the hip, but you did so anyway, catching a glimpse of the face you’ve been trying to forget. But how could you forget a face like his? A face that was proof that God does in fact have favorites.

“I’ll be right with y’all!” You smiled again and turned to the other side of the bar, tossing coasters in front of the gentlemen like frisbees. You placed the beers down, your hands and feet ran cold, fingers shaking slightly. Your heart was definitely in your ass by the time you placed the last beer on the coaster, you cleared your throat and tried shaking it off mentally bracing yourself for impact.

“Hey, how ya doin’? What can I do for you boys ?” You smiled, focusing your gaze on Geto, trying your best to look at Gojo as little as possible without being rude.

But of course he was the first to speak, pointing at the menu.

“Which one do you recommend? I’m more of a sweet over bitter kind of guy?” He looked at you through his shades and gave you HIS smile. Then it hit you. They either probably had no idea who you were or they were pretending. But Gojo wouldn’t pretend in a scenario like this.

“Hmmm, anything from this particular page is good, and the first three are our top sellers!” You flipped his menu a page over and pointed a shaky finger at a boxed area containing the bar's popular sugary drinks.

You could smell his cologne when you got closer to take a look at the menu in his hand. Satoru was a man with expensive taste, and he never chose scents everyone else had and as hard as it was to admit, he smelled delicious. Your body remembered his scent, and you had to take a small step back to gather your bearings.

“What about you handsome, what can I get for you ?”

You turned to Geto, using him as a way to get away from Gojo momentarily. You could feel the heat rise to your face and the familiar lump in your throat coming fast, momentarily things felt like they were moving fast but nothing was happening at all.

“Hmm I’m not sure, do you mind if I continue to look?”

“No go ahead, take your time babe! I’ll be back in a sec to check up on y’all.” You smiled and quickly made your way around the bar.

Many tried to flag you down while walking out of the bar area, but you ignored them, it’s not like you could see them anyway, everything was in tunnel vision.

‘No no no no no’ the interaction made your whole body cringe, everything felt dreamy, as if this was an out of body experience and not in the good way.

“Kagi.I have to go. Like right now right now.” You spoke into your head set letting the manager for the night know you were about to dip. Quickly unclasping the headset from your hip and wrapping the wire around the walkie talkie, just in time for you to hear a static “Locker room” from the other end. You quickly rushed to the Locker Room and grabbed your items from your assigned locker, Kagi walked in not long after, approaching you as you frantically put your sweatpants and hoodie on over your outfit.

“Hey what’s wrong?”

You shook your head in response while closing your locker.“ I can’t talk right now, but I really need to leave. Please split my tips amongst the girls and tell them I said I’m so sorry” you zipped up your backpack and made a b line to the door. Kagi had questions, but she let it slide only because this was very out of character for you, she figured it must’ve been urgent and would ask questions later. You pushed Past the doors and past the guests, catching a glimpse of the Snow White hair amongst the crowd once more before rushing out the exit.

—

It was evident you longed for Satoru, yet you found yourself at the doorstep of one of your favorite Booty calls. The door clicked open and he smiled down at you, confused but it was always good to see your face since he knew what you wanted and he knew exactly what to give you. You wasted no time, crashing your lips against his, you needed to feel something, something other than that heavy feeling you constantly carried in your heart.

It was messy and rough. This was probably the nastiest you’ve gone with him, and the roughest he’s been with you. Aggressively grabbing at your body, leaving his markings on your neck,wrists and chest. You did the most in his bed, putting on a show like you would for Satoru, but instead for a man you knew didn’t deserve to see this side of you, but it didn’t matter in that moment. You did it to forget, and to ease the pain away, even if it wasn’t helping. Of all the millions of trillions of things you could think about, all you thought about was him. How easily he seemed to forget about you, and how easy it was for him to give beautiful smiles to others.Things you weren’t jealous of before burned your insides at the thought. You wondered why out of all the bars he chose that bar in particular, though you had no right to judge him when you worked there.

—

The ride from his place to yours was silent. You managed to catch the last train before the stations shut down for the night, and thankfully you were alone.

You took a good look at yourself in the reflection of the windows ignoring the familiar scenery that whizzed by to get a gander at your physical form. You knew you were looking at yourself but even you couldn’t recognize the person in the reflection. You honestly felt like you shouldn’t even be surprised that Geto and Gojo didn’t recognize you back at the bar.

You were quite disappointed in yourself to say the very least. You have been practicing in your head for months what you would say and do if you ever came across him again and clearly it didn’t go as planned. The script you wrote in your head was thrown to the wind, the same wind that blew your cover. You weren’t a hot and sexy ‘boss bitch’. You were overworked and over sexualized, utilizing male validation as a form of escapism.

You turned your head revealing the deep purple bruises all across your neck in the reflection. You grabbed the strings of your hoodie and pulled them tight, hiding the marks as best as you could, you didn’t want to see them, they made you feel disgusted.

The train arrived at your destination and you quickly made your way back home to your apartment. You climbed up the stairs , mentally wishing Jun was home so you could talk your feelings out , but alas he usually worked nights on the weekends, so no luck there.

You pulled your keys out as you reached the last of the steps, wanting to just go home and shower everything off, but you halted immediately when you looked up and saw the devil himself, nonchalantly leaning against your door.

“There you are…. I’ve been looking for you”

#jjk x y/n #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk headcanons #jujutsu kaisen #gojo x y/n #gojo #satoru gojō x reader #gojou satoru x reader #gojo x reader #satoru x reader #gojo headcanons #jjk hcs

[brandnewhuman]

I'm having big brain thoughts again AND YOU ALL ARE GONNA LISTEN;

I never thought I would get so far in life to see the day I WOULD GET HEADCANON SHAMED BY THE TICKTACK ASS APP.

And since mischaracterization and shitty takes are my passion AND my purpose, here are some thoughts about Simon. LET'S BEGIN

I was part of the "ghost has the emotional capacity of a rock" team. But upon thinking about it I've come to the conclusion that maybe that's not it. Simon has obviously gone through so much in life and while I still believe his trauma makes it hard for him to fit in and feel comfortable just by existing, I think he's the type of person who quietly enjoys to compensate himself for the things he has never been able to enjoy in life. LIKE NO ONE IS GONNA EVER SAY SORRY TO HIM OR REPAY HIM FOR ALL THE PAIN AND HORRIBLE STUFF HE HAS ENDURE, SO WHY NOT DOING IT HIMSELF?

No, he's not an abusive and dysfunctional man who's broken beyond repair STOP TURNING THIS POOR GUY INTO A FUCKING MONSTER, HE'S JUST A SILLY SAD MAN. Besides, he's fucking scared of the "the abused becomes the abuser" thing and works very hard to avoid it.

HE GOES TO THERAPY BITCHES, HE REALLY DOES. He deals with extreme guilt, with PTSD and a shitton of stuff that has made his life a living hell for so long and probably will keep making it difficult forever so in the end, although it's hard, he just caves in and gets help.

No, I don't think he has anger issues and he's not straight up rude. He feels uncomfortable with the idea of getting too angry, he prefers to just talk things out. AND TALKING ABOUT ANGER; I do believe he finds some sort of relief in his work but not because he likes to take out his emotions on others and kill mindlessly or stuff. I genuinely believe he likes the idea of being something good, of his actions having a positive impact. He feels like he has failed his family and friends but every time he manages to successfully complete a mission he feels like his existence is not just about the pain and the failures. When a mission goes bad he does have a hard time and gets physically ill.

BACK TO ENJOYING THINGS THO: during his childhood and throughout most of his life he has always denied himself so much for one reason or another. He's hellbent on trying to treat himself with things he has missed out. At first it was part of the therapy; watch movies you would've liked to watch, go and try food you have thought about trying etc... then as time went on, and he started to deal with the guilt better, he kept doing all that stuff just because he wanted to. And maybe because he wants to understand stuff and references better when he's hanging out with the 141.

That's another thing, he initially was reluctant at the idea of hanging out and stuff but then he manages to feel comfortable enough. He's very quiet but not downright antisocial.

He likes to read better and TV shows better than movies. I CAN'T STRESS THIS ENOUGH BUT HE'S A SHITTY COOK, HE COULD AND WILL BURN EVEN WATER.

There's the HC of him not eating enough and while I agree it's unrealistic I think there's some sort of truth. This man gets through depressive episodes where he can't sleep, can't eat and even breathing it's a chore. It usually happens when he's not at the base and he's having a difficult time with the leave time at home. He does however force himself to eat at least enough to not lose all the muscle and strength he has worked hard on. It's hard, but he tries to take care of himself as best as possible. THAT BEING SAID, THIS MAN EATS ONLY PREMADE THINGS CAUSE HE CAN'T COOK. Every single fucking meal, even the healthy one, has been bought and there's not a single time where he even attempts at cooking anything. After almost burning down his whole damn apartment he has banned himself from the kitchen. the way he maintains without necessarily eating when he doesn't feel like it's by keeping a whole fucking stock of snacks in his house.

OKAY THAT'S IT, THANKS FOR COMING TO MY TED TALK.

#simon ghost riley #simon riley #ghost cod #cod modern warfare #cod mw2 #call of duty #modern warfare 2 #cod fandom #codmw2 #samuel roukin #cod headcanons

[dapandapod]

To trust and to hold

For the @thepassifloradiscord a/b/o event, I chose the “I have to bond with you to save your life, sorry.” prompt. MUCH fun was had! Geralt bonds Jaskier to save his life from ouchies.

Warnings: Major character injury, hurt/comfort, Geralt is bad at emotions TM, recovery, angst? i guess? Because they are idiots in love who just doesn’t understand the other’s feelings. Also mostly Jaskier being very hurt, poor boy.

Betaread by my ever bestest @kuripon​, whomst deserves all the love on this planet. all of it.

Please enjoy!                 On Ao3 here

“Fuck, Jaskier, stay with me!”

Jaskier can barely make out the words. His entire body hurts, his blood burning in his veins. The world comes and goes, always dark around the edges.

“We are losing him,” someone says from the side. Jaskier doesn’t understand what that means, but something is hurting like the fucking seven hells in his abdomen. He tries to curl in on himself, but his arms are too heavy, and all he can manage is a weak whimper.

“You have to do it, Geralt. He will die if you don’t.”

Is that what this is? Dying?

Jaskier had always thought dying would be peaceful. He should have known better, living a life on the path, realizing the brutality of life by the side of a witcher. 

Death has taken many forms on their travels; sometimes as mercy, sometimes of necessity, sometimes cruelty.

It just never occurred to Jaskier that the cruelty of death would happen to him.

But evidently it was. A spasm passes through him, sending new spikes of pain through his body. Crying out hurts even more, and he gasps for air, fingers curling around nothing.

“Geralt!”

“I’m so sorry, Jaskier.”

Hot hands cradle the side of his face, a breath next to his ear.

“Please forgive me.”

Teeth sink into his neck, and for some reason it hurts more than anything he’s experienced so far. 

But soon, the excruciating pain overpowers anything else, making him blissfully numb, and Jaskier falls into darkness.

-

The first thing he registers is the throbbing pain in his stomach. From there it is only downhill, when every hurt and ache makes itself known and grabs at his attention.

Opening his eyes takes most of what little energy Jaskier has, and the world is blurry around him still. It is hard to concentrate, eyes roving across the room, trying to find something clear or familiar enough to focus on, but it just makes him dizzy.

Jaskier fades again, unconsciousness and blissful numbness calling him away. He imagines he can hear Geralt’s voice, feel his hand against his cheek.

Jaskier smiles faintly at the thought before he passes out again.

-

Waking up is less terrible this time. Jaskier’s lips feel so dry they could crack at the slightest movement, but breathing doesn’t hurt as much anymore. 

Upon opening his eyes, he finds the world is slightly clearer, but not by much.

Jaskier doesn’t recognize the room. The wooden beams have grayed with time, the paintings are unfamiliar, and the rough patchwork blanket around his legs and hips a stranger’s work.

Frowning and smacking his lips, Jaskier flexes his fingers, but the ache is almost gone. He seems to be alone in the room, but a chair is pushed up next to his bed, and on the bedside table is a bowl of water and some clothes. There is blood staining them.

Jaskier finally dares to look down at his chest.

He’s heavily bandaged around his abdomen, angry dark bruises peeking out where the bandages end just under his solar plexus.

Fuck.

His arms are not much better off, but it doesn’t seem as if any bones are broken. 

There are some nasty marks on his left bicep, and Jaskier can’t really recall what may have caused them. All he remembers is the stabbing pain, his insides feeling like they’d been torn out, and then the numbing bite-

Oh.

Gingerly, Jaskier raises a hand to his neck.

Bandages block his touch, and when Jaskier presses his fingers into it, he finds the covered skin tender, but surprisingly soothing to touch.

Of course, that is when Geralt enters the room, amber eyes quickly darting over Jaskier’s form, lingering on his hand over the bite.

“You are awake,” he breathes, and then yells over his shoulder, “HE IS AWAKE!” In less than a minute, Jaskier is surrounded by people. He recognizes none of them, but there is a familiar voice in the crowd. A voice belonging to the woman who is currently making him follow her finger with his eyes.

“You were there,” he croaks, and she tuts and helps him sip from a glass of water before letting him speak again. “You were there,” he repeats.

“I was. You almost died. You are very fucking lucky that Geralt was there to bond you.”

Jaskier’s eyes snap to Geralt, who stays back, hovering restlessly by the wall.

“What do you mean?” Jaskier feels dizzy all over again, especially as Geralt looks so damn sad. He senses it too, the guilt and self loathing trickling towards him through their bond. “Geralt, what does she mean?”

Strong hands angle his face towards the woman again, and Jaskier must tear his eyes away from the witcher.

“Look at me. Deep breaths. No, look at me. Breathe through the panic. You are alright, you are safe.”

No, this is not alright.

Geralt bit him, Geralt bonded him, tied them together.

‘I need no one, and the last thing I need is someone needing me.’

Fuck.

Jaskier gasps sharply, tears pricking his eyes, and the woman tries to keep his focus on her. Then her hands are replaced with hot, familiar hands as Geralt takes her place.

Geralt cradles Jaskier’s face, their eyes locked together.

“Slow breaths. Follow me.”

Geralt leans down, knocking their foreheads together. It is hard to force the air to stay in his lungs, but he tries, Jaskier tries so fucking hard for Geralt.

Soothing hums calms him down slowly, worry and guilt and affection still running through the bond.

The fucking bond.

But eventually, Jaskier breathes evenly again, the world coming back to focus. Geralt keeps his hands on Jaskier, but now his hands are resting on his shoulders, inches from where the bandage covering the bite.

“I know this isn’t what you wanted. But I couldn’t let you die, couldn’t let you leave me, Jask. We’ll talk about it later. You need to rest now. Heal.”

Jaskier looks up confused at Geralt, but he says nothing more. The woman moves Geralt to the chair next to the bed, so she can keep examining him, another two women at the edge of the bed returning to the task of changing bandages and checking him over.

Geralt holds his hand, thumb tracing back and forth over the back of his hand.

The woman makes him drink more, but Jaskier belatedly realizes that it’s not water.

It pulls him under, dreams dragging him down, Geralt’s hand in his the only thing anchoring him to reality.

-

It was an Arachas, they tell him. A big, spider-like creature with pincers, sharp teeth, and venom glands. Jaskier has no recollection of it, but there had been a contract. A temple in dire need of rescue from what apparently was the Arachas.

It had pierced Jaskier’s stomach, the venom killing him in minutes. The woman, who he now knows as Landina, told him he got lucky.

They had found his suppressants and realized what he was, and then the bond burned through everything in its way.

The puncture wound in his stomach aches, a painful reminder of what he cost Geralt.

It feels unreal. Bittersweet.

Jaskier had long accepted Geralt’s need for independence. As soon as it was clear to him that Geralt would not form any bond with any omega for any reasons, Jaskier started taking suppressants. Took efforts to hide who he is.

“They say witchers are unfeeling. But no such bond can form where there are no attachments,” Landina tells him the next day. “You are lucky to be alive.”

When he is alone again, Jaskier touches the bite once more.

Lucky, she says. Tied to a man who wants no one, who doesn’t want him, who despite saving him feels guilt and remorse. It’s there, clear as day. Jaskier is not sure what he is sending through their bond, but Geralt has not returned to his room yet.

The loneliness aches in him, the empty chair mocking him for his hope. Geralt doesn’t want him. Geralt just didn’t want him to die. Geralt is kind and caring and good, and not once has he shown a sign that he wants them to become more.

That’s not entirely true, he admits quietly to himself.

Two years ago, Geralt had kissed him. The memory burns at the back of his mind, a perfect picture of torture when Jaskier is left alone during the winter.

It was just a kiss. They had been at a wedding, the liquor had been flowing and the spirits had been high. Together they had stumbled into the barn wall, laughing and smiling, and then Geralt had pressed himself against Jaskier and captured his lips, slow and searing, his hands on Jaskier’s hips gripping him tightly.

The night had ended and they had never spoken of it since. And Jaskier never pushed. He tries to tamp down the longing, the loneliness, but Jaskier realizes that he has no secrets now. And Geralt is nowhere to be seen.

The fever creeps in during the night.

His body shivers with cold as he burns up, tossing and turning as much as his aching body allows. His skin feels too tight, and he whimpers when Landina lays a hand on his forehead.

“Hurts,” he pants, squirming to get away from her. “Geralt.”

But Geralt isn’t here. Why would he be? Landina was wrong, only the threat to his life got Geralt close to him.

“What’s wrong with him? He was healing.” One of the apprentices asks quietly by the door.

“He is rejecting the bond. It is incomplete, and his body is fighting it.”

Jaskier doesn’t understand what they are saying, but when they say rejection, pain lances through his body, and he gasps sharply.

“Get Geralt,”Landina orders.

-

Geralt feels it even before the apprentice can depart the room.

The sense of wrongness wracking through him, unsettling him. He is about to burst through the door to Jaskier when he hears Landina.

“He is rejecting the bond. It is incomplete.”

Heart plummeting, Geralt’s hand freezes on the handle.

“Get Geralt.” The head priestess instructs, and the door is flung open to reveal him standing there frozen. 

There is a brief pause where the young apprentice stares up at him, and then Geralt’s eyes catch on Jaskier, sickly pale with deep red patches on his chest and cheek.

“Leave us,” Landina tells the others, and they hurry out of the room around him. “Geralt. You have to make a decision.”

“About what?”

“If you want to keep your claim on him, or if you will let it burn away. He thinks your bond is one of duty, not affection, and he is trying to set you free.”

“... He can do that?”

“It is not uncommon in arranged marriages, when one part thinks the other indifferent. Usually caused by a distance between the two newly bonded, and usually mended by proximity. If that is something you want.”

Geralt hesitates. It is selfish of him, wanting to keep the bond. It was a one sided decision born of desperation. Geralt hadn’t even been trusted with the knowledge of Jaskier’s presentation, and the second he had known, he had bit him.

“What happens if it burns out?”

Landine studies his face before replying, hand clasped over her apron.

“Then the fever will run its course. If it doesn’t get worse, he should be fine, but his strength is already depleted. The bond would be severed and you would be free to go your separate ways.”

“We couldn’t be together?”

“You could. But remember, witcher, this is because he thinks you don't want him, not the other way around.”

“If I reinforce the bond, what then?”

Landina tilts her head and smiles up at him.

“That, master witcher, is up to you and your bard. He loves you dearly, that one. I think his heart has been breaking for many years.”

Geralt doesn’t know what to say to that, so he says nothing. The priestess nods her goodbyes, then she leaves him with a feverish Jaskier.

Even from here, Geralt can smell his misery. Through the bond, there is strangely little.

Before he even knows what he is doing, Geralt is moving towards the bed. There is a lonely candle lit by the bedside table, the flickering light deepening the shadows.

“Jask,” he murmurs, sitting down next to him. The bed dips down, and Jaskier’s body presses against his leg.

Jaskier opens his eyes, watery with fever, but they focus on him anyway. Geralt can’t help but reach out, touching his clammy cheek, stroking it soothingly.

“Hi,” Geralt whispers, and Jaskier holds his wrist, looking up at him.

“You came,” Jaskier whispers, and oh. Geralt fucked up, didn’t he?

“I’m sorry. I know it is the wrong time to ask this, Jask, but I can’t decide this on my own, not again.”

“Are you staying?” Jaskier asks, fingers twitching as if he wants to hold on, but he doesn’t hold any tighter.

“If you want the bond, I will.”

“But you don’t want it,” Jaskier says, and he sounds so heartbroken and sure as he pushes Geralt’s hand away.

“What?” Geralt blinks.

“You don’t want a bond, and not with me. I’m sorry I forced you to bond with me.”

“Jaskier, what are you talking about? I was the one who bit you.” Geralt wants to touch him again, but Jaskier is still holding his wrist away from his face, grasping it if he has forgotten he is holding it.

“But I forced your hand. You are so good, so kind. You don’t want this bond.”

“Jaskier. Do you want this bond?”

Jaskier doesn’t respond, and Geralt aches, a trickle of emotion making its way through the bond now that they are touching.

“Jask. Do you?”

With the smallest voice, looking anywhere but at Geralt, Jaskier replies.

“I do.”

Fuck.

Geralt shifts, moving Jaskier so that they both fit in the bed. It is tight, but Geralt arranges them so that Jaskier is tucked under his chin, their legs tangled together.

“What are you doing?” Jaskier whispers, even as he nuzzles closer, seeking comfort where Geralt’s scent is the strongest.

“I didn’t want to force this on you. But if you really want this, we will keep it.”

“You noble idiot,” Jaskier mutters, his eyelids getting heavy. “I will only hold you back.”

“Being with you is not a burden, Jask. I’m sorry I made you feel that way.”

They don’t talk much after that. The fever pulls Jaskier under again, squirming against Geralt’s chest as shivers wrack his body. 

Geralt is not sure what he expected would happen, a miraculous recovery or something, but he surely didn’t expect Jaskier to be sweating and whining through the night as fever dreams plague him.

More than once, Jaskier says his name, clinging hard when Geralt reaches for the cloth to wipe Jaskier’s brow. It’s a long night, and come morning, the fever has yet to break.

Landina enters the room, noticing Geralt holding Jaskier and nods. Swiftly she takes control of the situation, ordering her apprentices around, making them fetch ointments and soup and some breakfast for the witcher. 

With her bustling around, Jaskier wakes up enough to accept medicine and soup. As soon as he is done, he tucks back in against Geralt, sighing contently as sleep claims him again.

It is… a strange feeling for Geralt. To be trusted like this, for Jaskier to so obviously find comfort in him. The bard has always been tactile, always leaning into Geralt, touching him, smiling at him, but this experience is on another level.

Geralt has a vague memory that tastes more like a dream, where they had danced, and Jaskier had smiled at him so sweetly and Geralt couldn’t help but kiss him.

It replays in his mind now, as he watches Jaskier sleep. It’s not the first time he has done that.

Sleeping always is a fickle thing for him, and to get any rest at all, meditation is what has kept him sane. During those times, it is soothing to listen to Roach chewing, the forest singing its night time song, and Jaskier’s easy breaths.

Geralt tucks a strand of hair behind Jaskier’s ear. Allows himself to think of what Landina said. About how Jaskier’s heart had been breaking for years. About how Jaskier blames himself for them bonding, as if that is not something selfishly wants.

While Geralt is waiting for Jaskier to recover, he plans. There are things he needs to tell his bard.

-

“We have to stop meeting like this,” Jaskier croaks to Landina, who chuckles when she checks his temperature.

“Someone is feeling better,” she remarks, sending Geralt a look. When Jaskier woke up, Geralt had still been in bed with him, which had been an… experience. For now, the witcher sits next to his bed, but still holding his hand.

Most of his body is very much bruised up still, and his muscles are sore from shivering and cramping through most of the night, but his head feels clearer. He has a feeling Geralt asked him something important last night, but he doesn’t feel like asking with everybody else around them.

It takes almost half an hour before Landina is satisfied, feeding him with more soup and medicine and sitting him up properly in bed.

When the door finally closes behind her, Jaskier sneaks a peek at Geralt, who is already watching him.

“Do you remember what I asked you yesterday?” the witcher asks, always straightforward when he has a goal.

“Not really? I remember you asking something, and that it felt important.”

Geralt grips his hand a little tighter, gathering his thoughts a moment before he speaks.

“I asked if you wanted this bond.”

Ah. Shit.

“And I realize I have not been a very good friend to you.”

This makes Jaskier look up in surprise.

“What do you mean?”

“It seems I have made you think I don’t care about you. That I loathe being bonded to you.”

Jaskier looks down. Wants to pull back his hand. Whatever this is, Jaskier isn’t sure he wants to hear it.

What is strange though, is what he senses through their bond.

“I bit you, because I can’t face a future without you. And it was selfish of me, and I bound you to me because of it.”

Opening and closing his mouth, Jaskier is stunned. He is sure he looks like a gaping fish, but he can’t think of one good thing to say right now. His heart is hammering in his chest, and his mind is racing.

“Why did you ask me if I wanted the bond last night, Geralt?”

“Because your body was rejecting it. Landina said it can happen when part of the bond feels rejected. I bit you once without your consent, Jaskier. I didn’t want to take that choice from you a second time.”

“Oh, you noble idiot,” Jaskier mutters, and for some reason Geralt chuckles and sits a bit closer. Jaskier finds himself leaning forward too, their hands trapped between them, fingers dancing over each other.

“I know we have a long way yet to go, but there is something that I can’t get out of my head.”

“Yes?” Jaskier breathes, eyes caught on the way Geralt’s lips move when he speaks.

“May I kiss you?”

Of all the things, this is not what Jaskier expected. 

Meeting Geralt’s eyes again, Jaskier nods. He can’t move forward, the angle is harsh for his bandaged stomach, but Geralt doesn’t mind. He moves so he sits opposite Jaskier on the bed, and with a gentle hand he tilts Jaskier’s jaw up.

Geralt’s lips are dry on his, careful in a way he wasn’t two years ago.

Taking a moment to read Jaskier’s face, Geralt decides to lean in again, guiding Jaskier back towards the mattress, leaning over him to kiss him more, like once wasn’t enough.

There is indeed a long way to go still. Jaskier needs to heal, and Geralt needs to deal with the surviving endrega nest not far from where Jaskier was hurt.

They have time. 

And for once, Jaskier feels like Geralt wants to spend that time with him.

#geraskier #hurt/comfort #whump #the witcher #geralt x jaskier #major character injury #recovery #a/b/o #bonding #and geralt is feeling things about that #dapanda writes #getting together #idiots in love

[nightowltribe]

Therapy recap

So we've brought up in therapy that we struggle with keep up with platonic relationships because we feel like we have to constantly be earn friendships and good graces, but we don't have a lot of time and energy to offer after work, home, physical health, and mental health. We don't feel like we have any positive qualities that someone would want to be around us for without us doing something to earn it; we don't think we are kind, positive, fun, funny, or enjoyable to be around, we feel like we are a downer, needy, a burden, an awkward joykill. This is because we were raised by traumatized parents that didn't get help for their issues, an emotionally immature father and covert narcissist mother, we were never enough but at the same time 'better off than they were'.

Our issues were treated like we weren't trying hard enough, being lazy, or us trying to make excuses and not the cry for help they were. We struggled so fucking hard but no adult around us seen it, Kat is hung up with how our teen years were the darkest part of our life where we tried to turn to self harm as a way to manage the emotional pain we were in and suicidal idealation because we felt like this was the best life had to offer and we deserved so much worse. Kain used the dissociative barriers to hide the pocket knife when Ash would want to self harm because that would've just made our life harder, and Kat had numerous caretakers through that time because he needed to feel loved even though they couldn't give him the physical love he needed. There is still so much pain from that part of our life that needs to be healed because the only reason we didn't become another teenage suicide statistic because we have DID, but its hard because the ones that want to heal it can't access it.

Our father grew up, matured some, and apologized for what he did back then, he still wasn't a model dad before he died but he did change some of his toxic behaviors. Our mother refuses to take accountability for her part in our trauma, she will emotionally manipulate, get defensive and turn it around on us, try to make it out like we don't want her to be happy, change history by claiming it didn't happen that way or she didn't do that, claim to be a victim, and try to spin it to make our father the perpetrator. She continues to reinforce our negative thoughts about us by making us feel like shit for doing what she told us to, not be able to do something she asks of us, for making a mistake that results in something unfavorable; no 'you don't have a lot of experience so that is going to happen' or 'this is a good learnjng experience, just use this to get better at it', its all 'you should've known better' and 'you should've tried harder'.

She feels the need to have control over things in the lives of the people around her, and if she is helping then you shouldn't have an opinion about it and do it her way. Her image and reputation are improtant to her and anything that could stain it needs to be handled with with severe prejeduce, but while she can seem friendly and generous she will be talking shit about other people in her life but make you feel like that won't happen to you because those other people are just bad people. In reality she is kissing up to others while talking shit about someone else and no one is safe from her shit slinging because she will find something in everyone to complain about to someone else.

When she said she was going to start therapy I talked with my therapist about it and he said that a therapist can only treat what their clients admit they need to improve and she will likely play the victim and avoid accountability; that she might wield therapy as another way to try to control the people in her life. We talked about how we already thought of the scenario of her trying to do co-counseling to 'fix things' and that we would say no because anything we'd bring up in counseling would be seemingly met with grace in front of her therapist but it would be used as ammo against us outside of the office.

While I understand and agree that somepeople that are diagnosed as narcissists don't harm others there are those that do and do so intentionally in a very specific way to make the term narcissistic abuse a thing, something we have had to grow up with and something that nearly drove us to suicide if not for our own mental illness being how we cooed with it. We have been deeply traumatized by that kind of abuse and it has changed the person we could've been so drastically for the worse to the point we see ourselves below everyone else and we have no idea where to even start healing it.

#actually did #actually osdd #did #osdd #dissociative identity disorder #osdd1 #osdd 1b #did osdd #night owl tribe

[saidrabbles]

Hello!!! So I red your park joon gil fic and it was good please write more for the show Ik obsess with your writing 🙏🏼🥰🥰

a/n: thank you so much anon, you really made my day ♡ i hope u like it !

.

timeless love

pairing: park joong-gil x reader

warnings: blood, suicidal thoughts, violence

summary: finally waking up after 6 painful months, all seemed well. the risk management members missed you, but all they had to wait were 50 years...right? you left an impression in everyone's minds in jumadeung, including the seemingly heartless escort team leader.

.

saying goodbye after working for 6 months in jumadeung was hard to say the least. the members of jumadeung, especially the risk management members, had gotten used to your presence. "we'll just have to wait for 50 more years." ryeon says out loud. "49 years and 2 months, leader." ryung-gu retorted, seemingly disappointed. "is ryung-gu actually disappointed?" ryeon teased. "ah-ehem. n-no?" the younger one hesitantly replies. ryeon smiled. she didn't expect to miss you that much either.

but what no one had expected, was for you to show up on the app. checking the red light app one day, the coffee in ryung-gu's hand slips from his hand. you were the life they had to save. "w-what...?" both members look at each other "how did this happen...?"

after digging around and asking people close to you for what happened, they discovered the tragic incident. your sister was a victim of bullying in her workplace, and one day — it went to far. a sharp object present in the wrong time, was the cause of her death.

.

she was a few feet away from being in your hold. that day, you discovered what your sister was going through by accidentally reading her journal. you immediately went to her workplace, terrified that you don't make it in time. but what you didn't expect, was to see your other half lying on the ground, lifeless.

all you could see was her blood, forming a puddle around her. still in disbelief, you called 911. "there's a person hurt here, please come quickly..." you were barely able to speak "ma'am, is the person you're talking about breathing? what is their condition?" the person on the other line inquired. "just fucking come !! she's alive...she has to be !!!"

you hang up and slowly move to where she lied. cries turned into sobs, as you held her in your arms. this pain was like no other, you felt your heart being ripped out of your chest. you were going to do everything that it takes to punish them all for taking her from you.

.

when joong-gil coincidentally became aware of this, he was in complete shock. he had become fond of you during your time in jumadeung, and was worried. he didn't want you to commit the the one thing he hated the most.

it was not her fault, why would she blame herself? he couldn't understand. he couldn't wrap his head around it, he's lost touch with his "human" emotions a long time ago.

but then why is he finding ways to intervene with the risk team to be close to you?

.

seeking revenge, you started losing yourself. all you thought about was how to kill those bastards. you do everything in your power to find them. you ultimately find them. and as ironic as it is, you end up losing your life. one that you could've cared less for anyways...

you wake up to see a lifeless body, cold blood oozing out. im...gone...? you stay on the ground for god knows how long until you see a figure standing infront of you. joong-gil got there first. worried was written all over his face.

how can he be so late????

"did you..." he breathlessly tries to continue, "kill yourself?..." you laugh bitterly. "that would've been better, at least i could've gotten my revenge first." you feel weight over you as you try to balance yourself. "w-what...." joonggil was hugging you, he was crying? "thank god...." you were confused to who this man was. why's he holding you with so much...warmth?

"who...are you..?" that's when he remembered. you don't recall any of what happened in jumadeung. "im...a grim reaper." he let's go of you and stands up, feeling embarrassed. "do i...know you?" his eyes glinted in excitement. "do you know who I am..?" you can't remember...but why would you have known a reaper?

what the hell is happening to me...joong-gil was new to all of this. ever since he heard of what happened; something in him changed. his true feelings were escaping through his nonchalant facade.

.

he then took you to jumadeung, to the jade empress. he made up an excuse for showing up before the others, seemingly convincing. he wanted you to be in jumadeung, for him to be close to you - but he obviously used your skills as an excuse. the empress decided to give you a lighter position to begin with.

you were silent almost all of the time, only speaking when you needed to discuss work matters. joong-gil had been watching over you, and he felt the pain tear into his heart. you were in so much pain, yet you didn't want to be reborn. you want to punish yourself, for something that was never your fault.

he noticed how little you are eating, and decided to leave food on your table everyday. in the first few days, you were unhinged. but after that, you started eating a bit of the food, which made him feel more than happy - you're trying. he would then wake up earlier than the rest to buy coffee and breakfast and put it on your desk before you come. it's what he can do for now.

that was until you decided to wake up earlier than usual, and go to work. that's when you saw the strange yet familiar man putting coffee on your desk. "so it was you..." you partially whispered. but it caused joong-gil nearly making a coffee mess on the desk. "uhh...you're early..." he tried to look unphased, but he was visibly nervous. that's when he heard it.

the first time you've laughed in a while.

joong-gil was taken aback, and all he could do was take in your facial features as you're smiling. he sensed a nervous feeling in his stomach. he was getting butterflies. and when you looked at him, he knew — there was no going back. hes in love with you.

"thank you...uh.." you nervously fiddle with the button on your shirt. "what should i call you?" he left the coffee on the table and fully turned to your direction "you can call me yours joong-gil." "well, thank you for your kindness, joong-gil-ssi...but i don't deserve it." you try to smile. "why is that?" he pushed on. "what happened to my sister...it was my fault for not noticing when i knew her too well." he takes a few steps closer to you. "you weren't the one who hurt her, you didn't know" he assured you.

"but i can't help think of the what ifs...if i had noticed earlier. if I've seen the bruises on her..." not wanting to cry in front of him, you turn around. as you try to wipe your escaping tears, you felt two strong arms behind you wrapping themselves around you. "it pains me to see you in so much agony. i know...how it feels to reach a person when it's too late..." he held you tighter.

you wanted more of this warmth. you wanted to inhale this person's scent, to live in it. you push his arms slightly for you to turn and bring yourself closer to his body. you wrapped your arms around him, feeling your shameless heart beat loudly. joong-gil was surprised, but he held you just as tightly. as you relax into his embrace, you decide that you were going to ask about your time here.

.

after you ask the empress about your past here, she gave you the erased memories. that's when it all made sense. joong-gil wasn't clear with his feelings in your past recollection, but your feelings for him was clear. you loved his little gestures that would show he cared, how he was acting beyond his understanding, and you acknowledged him. but before anything happened between you, time was up. and you had to go back to where time existed.

and now you're back here, but you're holding a greater pain in you. you didn't know if you deserved happiness at all...not after what you failed to do. protecting your family. "your sister is in a better place right now. she's living a life she always wished for...but it pains her to see you hurting." you hear the empress say. she puts a hand on your shoulder. "...you can be reincarnated and eventually meet your sister - in another life."

you felt like the weights on your shoulder had been lifted. you smile. you were told that you can meet your sister...you should be happy...but he kept showing up in your head. "you've endured well...and you're allowed to choose your happiness." you felt shameless for wanting him...but you knew that's what your sister would've wanted as well.

you finally let your feelings for him take over.

you knock on his door, and he answers with his deep voice on the other side. you enter, feeling yourself getting nervous. as you take a look at him, you stop in your tracks. the dark vest hugging his body, defining his small waist. the black pants emphasizing his long legs. he was breathtaking. when you look at his face, your heart skips a beat. his eyes were focused on you, never wandering. his lips curled up in a small, genuine smile.

caught in a daze, your body takes over. you walk up to him, hold his chiseled face in your small hands, and kiss him. he was shocked for a few seconds, but almost immediately kisses back. your hands slide down his chest as he holds your face gently. the kiss started with subtle movements, but eventually got more intense. you only stopped to catch your breaths, still holding each other.

"i won't be able to let you go after this..." he whispers. "you won't need to...im staying." he looks at you with shocked eyes. "im not getting what you're saying-" you caressed his face. "im saying that i won't be reborn, im going to be by your side, in this timeless place."

unable to form words, he kisses you again.

#drabbles #imagines #scenarios #writing #fanfic #oneshots #tomorrowkdrama #yoonjion #parkjonggil #joonggil #joong-gilxreader #kactorimagine #kactorscenarios #kactor #kdrama #choijunwoong #joong-gil x reader

[longeyelashedtragedy]

gimme a whole speech on the writing of visited upon the sons, pls

ok! i hope you mean this for real and aren't going to laugh at me for giving a whole long serious answer (omg sometimes the 'i was a weird kid' instinct kicks in) but i assume your kindness 💙🤍

random trivia: i almost never write with music on, cause my head is so wild about music that it's too distracting, but i wrote this with "money" by pink floyd on repeat and i'm honestly not sure why? (i also wrote "digestif" listening to motorhead...not sure why either but u gotta roll with it)

where to start...

i wrote a really big chunk of the beginning while standing under some scaffolding waiting for a freak summer downpour to end so i could go get iced coffee. that's my favorite way to write--in a weird place on my notes app full of autocorrect mistakes and other things like that because i'm so in the zone that my brain is going way too fast for my fingers to keep up.

i was sooooo Absorbed in fact that i didn't realize until a couple days later that i had written it really oddly without realizing? You know how in 3rd person pov even if you're writing one person's perspective and you're in their head so you know their emotions, thoughts etc, you still narrate with the character's name? Like...Mason chokes on the the sip of water he was trying to take.  “Uhhh…that’s kind of fucked up?” he manages to squeak out in between coughs.  This is making him think things he doesn’t want to think doesn’t want to think doesn’t want to—He coughs again and runs his fingers nervously through his fluffy hair. that kind of thing? what i realized is that i had written this POV really strangely and tho frank is the POV he never refers to himself by name? is that a thing? i was like "well that's weird" and tried to fix it but the fic refused...it made the POV feel too distant when the point of the fic is that he's increasingly lost in his own mind. the closer you as the reader are to that, the better. i trust my writing instincts like--if i instinctively wrote that way then it must have been for a reason! (note that the middle section is written in the "traditional" 3rd person way which again just--felt way better because that section is soooooort of a coherent narrative--which is also kinda done for a reason)

however this meant i had to repeat mason's name WAY more than sounds natural so it wasn't confusing, and if i just Did that with no explanation, that's the kind of thing i'd pick up on as a reader and would consider to be unforgivably bad writing. so, i called it out directly in the fic, and gave it an in-world reason, which then actually became the fic summary 😂 (Mason, his Mason—It’s the repetition that dulls the emotions (some people would call that repression, wouldn’t they, but that word implies something wrong with one’s mental state and there’s nothing wrong at all) My fic my rules!

this fic was written really in like, 2 or 3 days of writing. it was nearly impossible to just write little bits here and there. this pov was very demanding of my full attention because i also had to disappear into franko's mind to write it and it's hard to just like, do that when you have 10 spare minutes. because of this i almost gave up on it because it felt like i'd never be able to regain the momentum of the first writing day and also--also--i struggled with the structure SO HARD. my initial plan was to have the fic start out normally, and then intersperse frank's memories with the present, and each time he re-joins the present from a memory he gets more and more fucked up. (and of course, mason is clueless to it at first, and then he's all ?????) you can see lil remnants of this throughout--i think mostly in the beginning when he pours the rosé. (His fist clenches around the bottle as he pours and Mason catches that too. For fuck’s sake, he’s not supposed to.) Initially, the first section of the memories section--Dad getting too worked up about young!frank wanting to drink something pink--was going to come right before that, so there was a direct context--oh, he's remembering that while he pours. BUT--

that happened to work there, but i realized if i kept doing it like this i was going to be imposing something way too restrictive on the rest of the fic. i'd have to create each bad memory and then make the corresponding "present day" section relate to that memory and there'd be no way to make that happen naturally without seriously forcing some part of the story, and who wants that? this got me so stressed out especially as the (self-appointed) King of the Flashback that i wondered if i should just leave them out altogether. somehow i decided to write all of the flashbacks i would want to have in an entirely separate document, and then just write the "present" parts all at once, and then decide how i'd want to combine them.

2nd trivia point: because of this, this was one of the only fics in recent memory i've ever written relatively in order from start to finish. usually i write a beginning and an end and then fuck around in no order in the middle till it's done.

i can't quite remember what happened next, but i think i then did skip a bit to writing the end, and suddenly my mind wanted to develop something that came up earlier in the fic, at the beginning, where he refers to the feeling of something pursuing him. i think i meant that more in a vague sense at the time, and wasn't going to explore it, but (maybe something from @new-berry inspired me? possibly?) considering how fucked-up i wanted him to be at the end vs the beginning, and how coming out of a dissociative episode your relationship to yourself and to the world around you can be really wonky and fucked up--at least in my personal experience--i realized what if i could make that concept a lot more Real, and put in the imagery of a ghost in the room. but what kind of ghost? well, obviously not an uwu scary ghost, but you can come to your own conclusions as to what he thinks is "haunting" him.

this meant that i could write that last paragraph, which sincerely is one of my fav endings i've written in a long time, and as often happens when i write endings, the whole fic then made sense to me. and i realized instead of writing scattered memories and having frank's behavior in the present Escalated, i was going to drop the entire memories narrative into the fic in one big chunk, creating a story within a story, and have it be so all consuming that he completely loses track of what is happening. (which i feel like is an especially wild thing to do while you're having a Sexual Encounter and thus leaves mason rightfully disturbed--love me some Wretched Sex!!! sorry!)

i had a couple people tell me they completely forgot what was supposed to be happening while they were reading it, which made me so happy because that was what i wanted!

when i see this mf i see a dude who is so tormented and repressed and shaped by how he was treated as a kid. his dad made football his life so oppressively (in some ways) that he has, as he's said, no hobbies other than football and reading and now that football is no longer a good place for him there's just nothing left. add that to the fact that he clearly has never ever really healed from his mom's death in 2008 (and you can say a lot about his disingenuousness and lack of accountability as a coach, but the extended part about how he dealt with grief and loss on the diary of a ceo podcast was so fuckin real and it was a bit wild to see a famous person be so open) i feel like someone like this has a mind like a haunted house and can't quite go about things "normally." i wanted to create this feeling in the fic.

the best writing experiences turn into therapy sessions and when i was done writing i realized that i was expressing something about myself through it, which is how uncomfortable i feel in situations with a lot of very cishet expectations, as someone who is VERY not het and stealthily very not cis. i had already known this of course from conversations with coworkers, but this fic made me realize how much i fucking resent it--how much anger i feel toward it really--which was...interesting to learn about myself i guess.

anyway that's visited upon the sons for ya. i'm sure i left something out, but i feel sad that i'm no longer writing it, cause it was one of those experiences that make me think writing is fun. i always think writing is fun, but you know what i mean?

(footnote: my fic that i've been referring to as 'bitter mutual cheating' takes place around 2 months after this one, and it's from mason's POV and he reduces the whole upsetting experience to one line (Frank sounds panicked, and there’s only one other time that Mason can remember hearing him sound like this–that night with the West Ham jersey where Frank seemed to go kind of crazy and he had to tell the guys in the dressing room that it was his sister’s cat who had scratched the shit out of his back) which is just kind of a fun mindfuck for me. 7000+ words of agony but all mason even was aware of was...that, lol.)

(OH, i forgot! in the last line: Holding his Mason tight like it loves him, that word "like" is important. is he realizing--just for a moment--that his "love" for Mason is just kind of a placeholder for something else? someone else? we'll see...)

#anonymous #answered #thank you!!!! #this is one of the only fics i've written that i have this much to say about lol #i wanted this one to hit a little different #fic saga #visited upon the sons #long eyelashed tragedy

[leiawritesstories]

For Chef Rowan series, I would love to see if/when Aedion finds out Rowan indeed was the one who taught Aelin's cooking classes. Does it just casually come up or..?

I'm going to combine this with the following anon request:

Ok but chef rowan I can just imagine Aedion getting mad at Rowan next time he sees him because he took his baby cousin home after the first date and they have a bro-fight of sorts, both being incredibly overprotective. Obvs they end up making up after because they're bros and good friends too

because the two go together so well hehehehe

word count: 1,435

warnings: language, mentions of sex, territorial males and their pissing contests

enjoy!!

Territorial Brutes

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Aedion had hardly slept, thoughts of his baby cousin and his best friend together intruding into any bit of mental stillness he managed to achieve. Beside him, Lysandra’s breathing was deep and even, her soft hair spilling across his chest as she slept. He tried--godsdammit, he tried so hard to shut off his brain and go the fuck to sleep, but he just couldn’t get more than snatches of dozing before an uninvited voice crept into his mind and clanged the “Rowan took Aelin home!” alarm bell. 

Of course, there was no hiding his lack of sleep from his girlfriend. 

“Babe,” Lys murmured when she awoke. “You’ve been hyper-fixating again.” 

“Can’t help it,” he mumbled. 

She huffed. “Babe, Aelin might be your little cousin, but she is a grown ass woman and she is more than capable of making her own choices. And so is Rowan.” 

“I just don’t know how I’ll face either of them,” he groaned, burying his face in his hands. “Fuck, I don’t know how I’ll hold back from punching Rowan the next time we hit the gym. If there’s a next time,” he added, rolling his eyes sardonically. 

“Don’t be overdramatic, Aeds.” 

“I’m not being overdramatic!” 

She raised a brow. “Mhmm.” 

“Shut up,” he mumbled, flushing a little. “Fine. Maybe I am. But I can’t be held responsible if and when I accidentally forget to spot Whitethorn at the gym.” 

Lys snickered. “You two go fight your bro fights and leave me and Aelin to discuss in great detail how her night was.” 

“Fuck,” Aedion groaned, screwing his eyes shut. “No!” 

Lysandra’s cackle followed him out the door. 

~

Aedion was crackling with nerves and irritation and a hundred other emotions when he arrived at the gym, noting that Rowan’s car was already in the parking lot. Hmm. Guess the bastard decided to climb off Aelin and get his ass to the gym, then. He strolled into the gym, swung by the locker room to drop off his things and take off his sweatshirt, and headed into the weight area, finding Rowan waiting by the free weights, scrolling through the day’s sets on his phone. 

“Hey, Aedi--” 

Aedion cut off his friend’s greeting with a shove. Not very hard, just enough to knock Whitethorn off balance so he wobbled. 

“What the fuck was that for?” Rowan snapped. 

“Aelin,” Aedion growled. “You had no right--” 

“Stop right the hell there.” Rowan glared at him. “One, Aelin is a mature, responsible adult and she has the right to make her own decisions. Two, why the fuck do you think you get to control what she does?” 

“She’s my cousin, ass, and if you think for even a minute that you can just waltz in and take her home and then break her heart, you’ve got a few more things coming.” 

“Ashryver, I’m not going to fucking break her heart.” 

“How the fuck do I know that?” 

Rowan shoved a dumbbell at him. “Use those three brain cells of yours. If they even work, that is.” 

“Dumbass,” Aedion snorted. 

Rowan rolled his eyes. “You’ve known me for what, ten years now? Don’t go all jackass on me just because I took Aelin out and then took her home.” He smirked at Aedion in the mirror. “Oh, and remind me just who, exactly, set up the date?” 

Aedion was silent. 

“That’s right, blondie, it was you.” Rowan’s grin grew. 

“Shut up, tattoo boy,” Aedion grunted, focusing his attention on his set. 

Rowan snickered a little. “If it makes you feel any better, Ashryver, I swear on all things holy that I’m never gonna hurt her.” He was barely breaking a sweat as he went through a set of curls. 

“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Aedion returned. “Dammit, Whitethorn, I was with her when that dick broke up with her because he wanted to stuff his cock in some other chick, I saw how much it hurt her.” 

“Bet you wanted to pummel that jerk,” Rowan snorted. 

Aedion grinned viciously. “Who says I didn’t?” 

“Just reminding you that you can’t pummel me, blondie, so don’t even think about trying the first time you get all protective.” 

“Oh, tattoo boy, I could definitely pummel you.” 

“Remind me again which one of us can fillet a fish in under sixty seconds?” Rowan smirked, all dominance. 

“Dammit,” Aedion grunted, rolling his eyes. “Oh, that reminds me, d’you know who teaches cooking classes in town?” 

Rowan raised his brows. “Awful big change of subject, blondie. Why d’you ask?” 

“Dick,” Aedion huffed. “Aelin told me her class cost three hundred fucking dollars, and since I lost the bet, I’ve got to pay her back the cost. I’m just wondering who the fuck charges that much for four weeks of classes?” 

Rowan shrugged. “Three hundred is a decent price for a month of classes, actually. I know a few places that teach cooking classes and charge three or four hundred for a three-week program.” 

“The fuck?” Aedion gaped. “Gods, that’s fucking price gouging!” 

“Maybe, but if it’s a quality class, it’s worth the money.” Rowan racked his weights. “I teach a class at my restaurant and we charge three hundred or three-fifty for the program. It’s a monthlong one and it’s for adults, so I’ve never had an issue with the price.” 

“You teach a class?” Aedion put down his weights. “I didn’t know that.” 

“Yeah, basically got forced to teach because I’m exec chef.” Rowan raised a brow. “Why, you interested?” 

Aedion snickered. “Unlike my darling cousin, I can cook basic food without setting fire to the kitchen.” 

Rowan chuckled. “I dunno about ‘unlike’ Aelin, blondie. She’s come pretty far since college, yeah?” 

“If by ‘far’ you mean whatever class she took miraculously made her able to cook a damn good dinner, then yeah.” Aedion’s eyes narrowed. “And quit calling me blondie, tattoo boy.” 

“Never,” Rowan smirked. “But I am proud of Aelin and her cooking, indeed.” 

“You say that like you know how she learned,” Aedion mused, mind churning. ��

“Maybe I do.” Rowan slung his towel around his neck and headed for the locker room. “I am dating her, y’know.” 

“And you’ve just got to remind me,” Aedion groaned. Then his gaze sharpened. “Wait a damn second. Do you know where she took cooking class?” 

“Course I do.” 

“That--Whitethorn, who the hell taught Aelin to cook?” 

Rowan held open the door to the locker room. “I did.” 

Aedion stopped short, eyes bugging out in shock. “The fuck?” 

“Your ears not working?” Rowan teased. “I taught that class, Ashryver. She’s really quite competent, once you give clear instructions and don’t just let her try to figure it out with no prior knowledge.” 

“Huh.” The explanation seemed to satisfy Aedion. “So she--wait a goddamn second, does this mean it wasn’t actually a blind date?!” 

“Well--” Rowan rubbed his chin. “Yes and no?” 

“Explain,” Aedion huffed, rolling his eyes. “You and your one-syllable answers, tattoo boy.” 

“Says the one who speaks in punches, blondie.” Rowan smirked. “Yes, it was a blind date until she showed up, because I had absolutely no idea Aelin is your cousin and you conveniently never said her name. But no, it wasn’t a true blind date, because we already knew each other from the class. Granted, we got to know each other very well after that date--” 

“No!” Aedion yelped, clamping his hands over his ears. “Fuck it, Whitethorn, I do not need to hear that!”  

“Someone’s sensitive,” Rowan snickered. “Fine. No, it wasn’t really a blind date after we realized we already knew each other, but yes, it was a blind date until Aelin showed up. See?” 

“Fair enough,” Aedion muttered. “All right, Whitethorn, you’re allowed to date Aelin.” 

“How very generous of you,” Rowan drawled, all sarcasm. “And here I thought we’d discussed Aelin being more than capable of making her own decisions.” 

“Ass,” Aedion grumbled, elbowing Rowan in the ribs. “But if anything happens to her, I’m gonna beat your face in.” 

“If I do anything to hurt her, you have the right and the permission to beat my face in.” Rowan offered his hand. “Deal?” 

Aedion shook. “Deal.” And he went home satisfied with the agreement and starting to adjust to the idea of his buddy dating his cousin. 

At least, he’d started to adjust until he came home to find Aelin and Lysandra sitting on the couch, snickering and giggling over their iced coffees, and caught the words “dick” and “massive” in close succession. 

He’d had to go back out to his car to scream out his discomfort at that. 

~~~

TAGS: 

@charlizeed

@cretaceous-therapod

@clea-nightingale

@autumnbabylon

@nerdperson524

@claralady

@fireheartwhitethorn4ever

@morganofthewildfire

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@story-scribbler

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@darling-im-the-queen-of-hell

@chronicchthonic14

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@sweet-but-stormy

@hanging-from-a-cliff

@jorjy-jo

@rowaelinrambling

@thegreyj

@silentquartz

@backtobl4ck

#my writing #chef rowan #aelin galathynius #rowan whitethorn #rowaelin #aedion ashryver #rowan v aedion #territorial brutes

[mr-stottlemonk]

How do we feel about trudy? Personally i don't like her, or maybe i just got so sick of monk mentioning her every minute.

I really like the show but hated most moments that were about trudy.

I don't know it felt so awkward to watch. and i know shes his wife and it's hard to get over a lover dying but come on, 8 years. Its okay if he brings her up sometimes i just don't think it's necessary that they bring her every episode or so.

Also i don't really appreciate the way they portrayed ocd, I feel like the show would've been much better if they didn't exaggerate some things.

But that's just my opinion though! you may not agree and i hope i phrased my thoughts right because English isn't my first language

*long post so half of this will be under the cut!

**you phrased your thoughts just fine dear, no worries <3!!

when i started (re)watching Monk, i definitely felt my own heart ache for Adrian because loosing someone who you love that makes life look better, seem better and makes it out to be something you can manage is amazing. I loved that Monk truly loved his wife that much. It's hard letting go of someone who loved you for who you are and didn't try to turn you into something else. Or make you hate yourself even more.

About 5 seasons in though, the potrayal of her became more of something like... painting her out to be the perfect wife, woman and person - and while we can't exactly dispute that because we only get flashbacks, hallucinations, dream-like visions and the episodes at the end. No one is perfect and it did grow to be a bit tiresome.

At some point, you do realize that it turns to unhealthy dependency. On her. On the memory of her. On their past relationship. The years go by and Adrian is stuck in one place. And yes, there are episodes where he does make a bit of progress, ask other women out and tries to go out with them but then, it doesn't work out (it never will, that's always the transparent outcome).

Trudy stands for acceptance and love all through out the show. And the other characters (Natalie, Stottlemeyer, Sharona and later on, Randy) show that easily too.

Thing is though, with Trudy and a lot of other things; Monk does not have the proper coping mechanisms/processes etc. He's not that great at understanding his own emotions and letting things go. Though, that gets better over the course of the series.

Not towards Trudy though and partially, i definitely blame the writers. I would have loved to see more of Monk self-healing. Self-healing and accepting himself (which is fucking hard) but it would have been great to see a man so broken down and unable to move on finally love himself. There's a lot of self-albeism in the show that Monk sets on himself, toxic masculinity standards and self-esteem issues. And ofc, a whole lotta bunch of things.

And I'm ngl, the show tried their best to tackle that. I'd have loved more of dealing with that. But 2002-2009 shows aren't overally the best with that. By the sixth season I stopped paying much attention to it. I found the episode Mr. Monk Stays Up All Night a bit... too much, lmfao.

And the episode where they think she's alive also feels,, this or that. Though, i think such a situation happening was not entirely RARE back then. Missing/Dead people do turn up again... once in a blue moon.

and yes, definitely. as a person with adhd & ocd myself there are episodes where i did have to just pause and walk around my house or take a break (and sometimes even skip) because i felt a bit offended or among the lines of "err,,, that's not exactly how it is/works..." -> especially towards the episode Mr. Monk Takes His Medicine. Didn't like how they portrayed that at ALL. The group therapy episode was also a little iffy but i've never been to group therapy myself so I can't say much there.

They could have done better research, because there are some things that just seem so out of the blue you have to pause but there are also other things that hit you right IN THE FACE that you feel seen and heard for a moment. the show definitely helped me feel like there was a chance for things i struggle(d) with when i was younger. But then again, ocd research isn't that great currently either. :")

To add on to that though. I'm not sure if you've given Mr. Monk's Last Case a try but i don't think they improved much on it there either. It's tiresome, tbh, that when people think ocd they think it's all about aligining things, cleaning things... like gosh, no, a person with ocd can have a messy desk, mugs littered all about their room too... so the writers do lean into being lackluster in their potrayal of OCD.

there's also the thing where most of the time, it's not easy for people to actually SPOT someone with ocd. the show makes it out to be an oddity, struggle for willpower and startingly exaggerated sometimes. Which is a shame. Though, extenuating circumstances can definitely make it worse so, it's here and there too.

Anyway! i think i rambled off a bit too much... i do agree with you on this anon! that the focus on Trudy grew, in some episodes, to be over the top. But Adrian's commitment to her is quite heart-warming but right now, I do tend to skip over those episodes, lol. Unless there's a particular thing I feel like watching in either one of them.

thank you for very much for the ask!! i love discussing such topics haha. i hope i managed to convey my own opinions on the show and Adrian/Trudy.

<3.

#monk 2002 #adrian monk #trudy monk #not anti-trudy #i love them all so don't come at me guys lmfao #thank you for the wonderful ask dear anon! #anon asks

[ganseybois]

pynch prompt! Post Greywaren, adam and ronan reunite after some time apart working

here you go :) i hope you enjoy!

Adam was in a terrible mood.

Exhaustion had hit him like a train over the past few days, and with that mental and physical toll came a deep sadness. This was the longest he and Ronan had ever been separated; they just couldn't find a way to meet in the middle this time. They tried so hard to take jobs where they could manage seeing each other, but occasionally, it was unavoidable to end up on different continents, and now, here Adam was, miserable because of it.

He sighed, his eyes heavy. He wanted to sleep. Or cry. Or call Ronan. Perhaps all three. He rarely felt this out of control with his emotions, but not even Adam Parrish could keep it together all the time.

Dragging his feet, Adam fished through his messenger bag for his keys and unlocked the door to the hotel he was staying in. As it closed and automatically locked, he dropped his bag to the floor, and ran his hands over his face, letting out a soft groan.

"Well," a voice said, "you look like absolute shit, Parrish."

Adam looked up from his hands, disbelief causing him to stay rooted to where he stood, despite the fact that the love of his life was across the room, waiting for him on the armchair.

"Ronan?" he asked.

Ronan got up, and started to walk over to him. "What's wrong with you?" he asked immediately. Clearly, he had been expecting a better welcome. Adam couldn't blame him.

Adam finally willed his legs to move and met Ronan in the middle of the room, roughly pulling him in for a hug. One hand on the back of Ronan's skull, Ronan's arms wrapped firmly around him, Adam's nose rubbing along Ronan's neck. Home, home, home.

"Adam?" Ronan asked, voice softer now, concerned.

"I just really fucking missed you." Adam sighed, pressing himself tighter against Ronan.

Ronan's hand was slowly moving up and down Adam's back. "I missed you too." he kissed Adam's cheek, pulling back slightly to look at him. "I just took off. It was too long."

Adam nodded. "Much too long." he finally released Ronan, but kept their hands twined. Adam felt a furious surge of love when Ronan brought Adam's hands to his lips to kiss. "Did you...I mean, did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That I was miserable."

"Maybe." Ronan shrugged, caressing the side of Adam's face. Adam leaned into it, he was addicted to that—Ronan's loving touches. "Our souls know each other, Parrish, so I wouldn't rule out telepathic connections."

Adam grinned, he already was feeling better. "I'm just saying that your timing is impeccable."

"For once."

Adam rolled his eyes but kept smiling, leaning forward to plant a soft kiss on Ronan's lips. He was addicted to that too—kissing Ronan after a smile. They kissed and kissed and kissed, until Adam had to take a breath, after Ronan bit his lip, after hands started grabbing and pulling.

Adam let out a shaky breath. "When do you have to leave again?" he asked, trying not to show how sad he was.

Ronan smiled. "I'm not."

"What?"

"I told you, didn't I? I took off. Did a half-ass job, might have to go back, but everyone is alive and well. So I came here. I'll go back when you can come with me." Ronan ran a thumb over Adam's eyebrow. "It was too long, Adam." Adam, My Adam.

Adam kissed him again, hoping that his gratitude was clear from his eagerness. He practically crawled his way into Ronan's welcoming arms, legs wrapping around Ronan's waist, as he brought them to the bed (and later, to the armchair, on the desk, in the shower).

Adam, who had been so tired, would be up most of the night, kissing, fucking, and talking, talking, talking. Adam listened to Ronan talk about people he met, who he liked, and hated, and the awful food he ate. Adam laughed, asked questions, and told his own stories too. But mostly he listened. He listened to the sound of Ronan's handsome voice filling the room of the hotel, watched his lips move around the words, and watch his hands become part of the story as he expressed his joy or frustration. He was reminded, not for the first time, how much he loved this man next to him. How he could listen to him, watch him, forever.

They had missed each other so much that Adam had refused to fall asleep until around two in the morning. And even then, it was Ronan who had to gently coax him into it. Adam didn't want to miss a moment with Ronan, but Ronan could see how tired Adam was.

"I'll hold on all night." Ronan promised as Adam closed his eyes.

An hour and a half later, sleep took Ronan too.

In their dreams, they met again, their hands reaching for each other in the bright sunlight of Henrietta.

Home.

#pynch #prompt #ask #the raven cycle #greywaren #the dreamer trilogy

[wormmurder]

just watched the newest succession trailer might as well get my predictions in before the season starts:

-im guessing the season begins with mostly the siblings plot of trying to sabotage the deal (w sandy & pierces - trailer confirmed) vs the logan team with tom & greg & etc, but that gets sidelined when logan asks for roman to get on board to work with mattson (shown in trailer) and somehow kendall gets involved too probably

-based on the trailer i think shiv doesnt get roped back in like roman does and her plotline is more about her marriage issues. i also think for resolution of her previous arc, she probably tries to get back into politics and finds it more difficult to be taken seriously after what she did to her political career in prev seasons

-but during this time logans health gets worse and he has similar episodes to like what happened in s3 shareholder conference (which is why tom & greg were observing logan in the trailer) and the tom & greg plotline is them trying to manage logans illness without the majority of the company finding out

-i think at the point where theres going to be some climactic resolution w the mattson deal around the middle/beginning middle of the season is when logan dies because he pretty much has to die or be seriously ill enough for there to be a successor and the show to end. i bet the mattson deal either falls through or they go through with it and the siblings regret it after logan dies

-if logan dies i think tom and shiv would have way less of a reason to keep their marriage together so theyd most likely get a divorce. either way thats where theyre headed, but it could be that they stay together in the end, as like a reversal of audience expectation lmao

-so logan dies and i think the successor at first is roman because he probably had the highest position of the siblings during the whole mattson deal issue (but also bc i read the wikipedia articles on the murdoch family and a lot of my predictions are based on that)

-but so roman takes over and its clear that hes not suited for it, like he has less interest in ruling over the company, its more stressful, he works better as an advisor, he was only in it for his dads approval etc whatever the reason is, its implied to be better if someone else was in his position. also the thing with gerri in the trailer, looks like shes trying to sue him (over the dick pic probably), so thats another reason for him stepping down. so he does and kendall takes over. also i think roman tabitha get together as more of an image thing for him being successor but maybe their relationship is endgame.

-so for kendall i bet theres a lot of focus on him after his dads death and his feelings (kind of a given). he probably works with stewy and the other companies to get himself back in a higher position etc, maybe he has a definite hand in the result of the mattson deal, but somehow he ends up successor. i dont see how it could be anyone else. maybe gerri. maybe tom as well but he seems more doomed than anything else. maybe mattson just as a fuck you to the audience. if its not kendall, it could be bc of his drug problem or the manslaughter case comes back up, but i think he gets away with it. i dont think he gets over his drug problem. regarding kendalls relationships he probably breaks up with naomi and goes back to rava in some way even if they dont get back together, just for emotional resolution.

-for tom i think if he and shiv stay together then its more likely that he can remain in a high position at waystar. without logan in charge its hard to see how his position at waystar remains stable especially if the mattson deal goes through, but theres also the possibility that if kendall is in charge he would have a place for him. theres also the scenario that tom becomes ceo somehow and then in that case it seems like shiv would be less likely to divorce him. but i dont see how he can manuever himself to ceo because it seems like his strategy depends on appealing to someone higher up than him, though it would be interesting to see if he becomes a tyrant as ceo. i think its more likely that he leaves the company in some way, especially if he and shiv end up divorcing. he might still end up going to jail for cruises. but maybe he will just be stuck in his current position if hes lucky.

-about greg, he probably ends up in some position related to the theme park division (for chiasmus) and bc i dont think theres enough time for character development to make him a realistic successor. he could possibly obtain a higher up inner circle position though, but the point is he stays with waystar or whatevers left of it. if not he will probably end up working for kendall (if kendall isnt ceo and does his own thing). i dont think greg gets out of roy influence, that would feel like too much of a downer from his position in season 1, like a loss for him. and as the closest audience surrogate character it would feel more bleak for him to get kicked out of waystar and sent back where he came from.

-about tom & greg i think if it comes down to it greg would prioritize his job over tom and not really stick up for anything, like if kendall told him to go against tom for reasons that could benefit greg, he would just kind of go along with it. since its the last season they can get away with making big changes and ruining character relationships For Good because theres no responsibility to keep the characters fresh and ready for the next season, so tom could just end up leaving the company and down with tom greg or whatever. but i think if a betrayal does occur it would have to result in tom leaving the company to actually ruin their relationship for good. i think they will address the potential romantic aspect of their relationship even if tom greg doesnt become canon - to me its hard to see greg reciprocating any feelings but also i think theres enough motivation from audience support to make it happen (also greg is a less defined character so theres more room for interpretation on how he feels about tom, like it doesnt not make sense for it to happen).

-so back to the siblings, it makes more sense for the siblings who aren't ceo to leave the company and try something else, like shiv with politics. but i think they would all end up in jobs somehow related to waystar or business - they can never escape and all that.

-ok and about connor, he loses the election. he and willa stay together and its fine. thats about all my thoughts on connor. and politics.

#dont actually read this its long and annoyingly meta #im putting this here so i can go back and laugh at what i got wrong after the season airs #succession

[mxddyhero]

i bring you some batmankai thoughts:

1) Dami sparring with Guy-san

2) Juza using the batfam as inspiration for Fallen Blood reruns (also just Juza respecting the fuck out of the fam)

3) Tim and Banri unable to stand each other because recognition through one another (derogatory)

4) Sakoda meeting Jason "Crime Boss" Todd

Cam your mind... >>>

AND THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK,, I AM LIVING, BREATHING, EXISITING SOLELY FOR THIS AU NOW SO TYSM FOR INDULGING ME 🙏💕🙏

Also I saw you've been thinking about this since 2019 holy shit,, please share any more thoughts/ideas/drabbles/anything you have,, I am desperate and in love with this idea so !!!

I adore the heck out of this one... both of them having been raised as a fighter solely for someone else.. trying to find their own place in the world after having been told their feelings and thoughts didn't matter... I think Guy could really help Damian understand himself better while understanding that the fighting that has been such a fundamental part of his life isn't necessarily a bad thing. It's still a skill to have, and it keeps him sharp and connected to his family before the one he has now. Also can you imagine the league having taught damian Zafran,, and it helps the both of them feel just a little more at home... 🥺 also can you imagine Citron introducing Damian to Juliano... he would love that so much...

GOD YEAH,, the batfam definitely fit Blood as a hero much more than the others and he would for sure be able to use that to really flesh out Blood's emotions. Imagine Juza just being sat in the lounge brooding and everyone is like 😶 They definitely can't leave Juza alone in his own head too long, for sure BUT Sakyo does commend him for taking the reruns seriously and if he gets him a slice of cake from a local bakery on closing night, no one in autumn says anything. AND AAAHH YEAH,, he really would!! Mans knows how hard it is to push away family for the sake of sparing them from being targeted so he just feels bad they're all so distant from one another. I can imagine him trying to tell them that since they're all in the same line of work, it makes them just as likely to be targeted anyway so there's no harm in just. Trying to listen to and understand one another better. Alfred would also love Juza I just know in my heart this is true.

QHSVSJSVJ GOD,, YOU'RE SO RIGHT- Even if Banri isn't quite as showboaty as he was at the beginning, I can see it still being so fucking grating on Tim. I feel like Dick would encourage Banri at first, giving him praise when he can immediately do super hard parkour stunts, but after seeing how much it's effecting Tim, he kinda drops it out of respect. But imagine Banri and Tim just being sat in the lounge together in dead silence as Banri tries to ignore Tim and play a rhythm game and Tim doing WE work and Tim just suddenly is like, "So when are you gonna tell Juza that you like him?" And Banri immediately loses his streak, drops his phone and gets on the defensive and Tim's just like, "sweaty palms, elevated heart rate, flushed cheeks and ears. You're a dead giveaway, dude. You really should just tell him since your life is ultra easy mode, right?" And banri just stomps away, and Tim just grabs another coffee before returning to work- I think they would aggravate the hell out of each other and you know what? Good for them.

Oh tm god.. og my gjfhdhdv no because okay. I'm not sure if we know the extent of Sakyo's willingness to commit/past history of crimes with the yakuza (I'm en only so I only got as far as autumn2) but. Since at the beginning of the game, he propositioned Izumi to pay the debt back with something other than money, I will just assume he has also murdered men ahscdhdhb (/lh I love sakyo a lot he is my beautiful blond babey and I love him so,, anyway.)

Sakyo overhearing Jason on the phone to someone, clearly managing whatever he has going on back home while he's away. But then he hears "Do I really need to do the thing with the heads in the duffel bag again? That was a good bag, yknow. It took me weeks to find a decent replacement because I couldn't just go back to the warehouse and pick it back up. Even if I couldda, the bloodstains definitely wouldda clashed with my sweats. Whatever, just do what you need to let these guys know we mean business." Before he can turn around, Jason has hung up and is like, "oh hey, S. Sorry 'bout that, you know how it is."

Jason definitely doesn't like taking business calls when he's out of town for obvious reasons, but it turns out, some of Two Face's guys had been trying to recruit children while they knew he was gone and Roy knew he would wanna hear about it. Sakyo can respect that, having wanted the Ginsenkai to leave Azami out of their business operations and the two just end up chatting on intimidation tactics and business streamlining. Jason is delighted that Sakyo agrees on his take of "you can't eradicate crime, you have to control it", and offers to make him an honorary member of the outlaws. Sakyo politely declines of course, if word got out, it might damage Mankai's reputation immensely and Jason gets it.

Anyway uhm also imagine them getting onto the topic of acting again and Jason telling him he always wanted to be in a play, but couldn't on account of the crime-fighting-vigilante-teen-then-dying-and-planning-his-familys-downfall thing, which really left little to no time for hobbies and Sakyo is just like. You're gonna be lead for our next play, I will train you myself and you're gonna be the best actor Gotham has ever seen. Cue akigumi plus Jason training montage (because cmon, mans would have to be in an action play with the stunts he can pull) and him and juza having a lead together... okay this is just very self-indulgent ahsvdjdbj

#sorry this is so fucking long ahavhssh #i just adore them.. #AGAIN THANK U SO MUCH FOR THE ASK CAM I AM PLACING YOU GENTLY IN A LITTLE TERRARIUM <33 #asks and answered #batmankai crossover is real in my head