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#I'll call it a stress response
badass-magizoologist · 2 months
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How it started vs how it's going
This is what happens if you abandon a project for months and don't look back on your work when you pick it up again
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bylertruther · 1 year
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"it's not my fault you don't like girls!" is such a crazy line for so many reasons.
they filmed versions with mike saying "you don't like girls yet" but didn't use it. hm.
"you don't like girls"? so... mike knows, right? and he backs down because bringing it up (even though technically it's not uncalled for since will was the first to make it personal but anyway) clearly hurt will?
"it's not my fault" so mike recognizes that will is unfairly zeroing in on him? that he's upset with mike specifically being the one to get a girlfriend and abandon him, himself, and their party for her?
"it's not my fault" so it's true that he feels suddenly cornered and attacked here, and that's why he puts his foot in his mouth? that he really wasn't trying to be a jerk like many still think?
the general fact that mike obviously is not the reason will's gay, but also he kind of is very much the reason lmao.
the way that he basically says "listen, i know that you're gay and all, but did you seriously think it was going to be you and me, together, us and only us, sitting in what has always been our safe space doing that which has always brought us joy, forever?" and will responds with a very simple "yes. i did. i really did." that kills and breaks the heart of everyone in a 5k mile radius including them. :(
#mine#it will never Not be insane methinks#could u imagine if that's when mike maybe had an inkling of will's feelings and then at the end of s3 he realized His feelings and then#there's the radio silence between them n mike is always calling calling calling only to receive Nothing At All from will and hears from el#tht he's painting for who she thinks is a girl so in his mind he's like 'fuck. i guess it was possible after all. :/' but whatever it's fin#his heart hurts but it's fine it Has to be fine they can still be friends and that'll just have to be enough it's okay he has el it's Fine#it's literally soooooooooooo fine so he's trying to ask will questions like he doesn't wanna fucking off himself rn LMAO but will is being#rude for whatever reason which like. weird. but No This Is Fine I'll Make It Fine Maybe It's Just The Distance Idk :( so he keeps trying n#cracks a joke but will doesn't laugh he just stares at him with a Done^tm look on his face so fuckign whatever it's not fine but#WHATEVER his gf has been lying to him for months and will didn't say anything AT ALL not abt that and just in fucking general will who said#'not possible' but clearly Lied abt it and likes someone else now while he's reeling over this still and then it turns out tht will is#hurting too so mike extends an olive branch again n takes full blame n responsibility even though he doesn't need to at all and he opens up#to will abt things he doesn't tell anyone else and it's Good it's Working and will gives him the most beautiful painting ever but oh...#it's not from him.. it's from el.. :/ ok... and everything he's saying is from el and every time he tries to talk to will he ends up making#it about el so like. okay. alright. i guess he did move on. which is fine bc it has to be fine bc he only wants to be best friends again n#mike will never say no to him n then el is dying n then the world splits in 4 n then max dies n then she doesn't n el isn't talking to him#and she's keeping things from him again and will is in trouble again And Nothing Is Fucking Fine Actually and he STILL doesn't kno tht will#told him the biggest lie EVER and like. jesus fucking christ. could u imagine being mike wheeler i'd fucking kms THAT'S TOO MUCH STRESS!
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kiiiiiim · 1 year
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Trying to get my boss to realize that no, I don't need her to hire more people withno experience for me to train, I need. My boss. To be at work.
#ok. i understand that my job is not something people can just jump into and know everything there is to know within a few months#but my 2 coworkers have been here a little over a year and are both part time so they dont get to learn as quickly#and ive been here 9 years this month so like. obviously i know more.#but when all this shit comes in at once and i have to take all the phone calls and take in all the complicated jobs#and i have to run from my customer to my coworkers because she needs me to check her quote#or just take over her customer altogether because the job is more complicated than slapping a frame on a photo and going#or my other coworker who can't read a ruler because of his dyslexia and like i GET it but this whole job is based on using a ruler#so i'm spending all day making sure jobs get quoted right & written up right & cut right & put together right and they're not even my jobs#but they Are all my jobs in the end and i just. i can't be responsible for everything that happens in here.#i'm not mentally equipped for that stress 24/7 and i swear to god if my boss says When The Business is Yours One Day one more time 🙂🙂🙂#so no. i don't need another new hire to babysit.#i need her to be here to help me before the spark gets lit and i'm the one dealing with the fire#and i def don't need her to remind me that i'm the highest paid person on payroll like that's supposed to keep me from going crazy#like she's not a bad boss she's very good to me but contrary to popular belief i cannot nor do i want to be Boss Owner Ma'am#and i really don't like to think about how every year she gets closer to wanting to retire#and i'll have to choose between this and finding another job#happy monday i need a drink#text post
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applejarjar · 11 months
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To quote a friend,
'damnation!'
#These past few days just keep on giving#Sent out some very nicely worded emails to the interviewer and who would be my future boss if I got the job#Never got a response back#Find out via my current boss that she's got everyone except one person convinced to take a chance on me#Get news that my great grandma passed away after passing up the opportunity to videochat her#Cry in class because I'm stressed to shit and the 'realize how fucked ur life is' section of the program is exceedingly poorly timed#Get personally called out during class in front of guest speakers for not having a job#Get told that I have a zero percent chance of being hired at my dream plant#Which kills any hope I got from being told the previous week that my dream is within reach#Also was betrayed during class twice because I got paired up with arguably the most soul-less and uncaring person in our class#To do activities with#Killed literally any joy I couldn't gotten out of said activities#Plus I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop on my job application as it still shows as 'in progress'#The emotional turmoil is so much rn#And I'm not excited about the job prospects. Not even because the first few didn't pan out. But cause there's nothing open rn that I want#Which means my boss's boss is going to have to clear a path for me to get a job in a plant I could make do with#Increasing the animosity that I would already face from the get go because participants in our program are seen as entitled babies#That get everything handed to us on a silver platter#And having a job be forced open only makes the mounting animosity that much worse#So I'll likely have no allies on my side upon entering my new job and it probably won't even be a job I'd be suited for#Plus my boss's boss really wants me to go to a plant that needs a LOT of help because there's a bigger opportunity for upward mobility#But like I just want a decent house and standard of living man#I don't need to be the big boss. And NONE of the other students have a spot there#Plus I'm fairly certain that one of the other students already tried to get a position opened up there and failed#Which is ridiculous because they're the only one in our program with a masters degree#There's two others who might be able to get a job in the same sector but one wants to stay in this state and feels obligated to take a job#While the other is really struggling to find placement and might end up at the opposite plant as me#I have one confirmed ally if I go to the 'laid back' plant and they really want me to work there with them#But they'd be in a role where I wouldn't be able to see them all that often#And as I said before I don't think I'll do well in whatever job they scrounge up for me
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theminecraftbee · 3 months
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"So, and I can't believe I have to be the guy to point this out," Doc starts hesitantly.
"Terrible start! Go on," Cleo says.
"But you seem to be one of the only sane people left right now," Doc continues.
"Even more terrible, although I appreciate your delusion," Cleo says.
"And I have to--you know, if you're going to make fun of me for bringing you a problem maybe I just won't. I can solve it myself. I basically solved the moon thing myself," Doc says. "I am trying to be responsible before this turns into a whole thing."
"Doc, you came to me. Did you want anything that wasn't me making fun of you? Because you know, if so, I really feel bad for you. I already feel bad enough for you that you think you actually managed to do anything at all about the moon thing."
Doc throws his hands up. "I am trying to warn you the ocean is evil! It's important! This is important!"
"The deep sea being evil isn't new," Cleo starts, "I was building Atlantis last season--"
"It sent, sent, salmon people to kill me!"
Cleo stops. They look Doc in the eyes. They search for any signs of deception at all. It's a little hard to tell, on account of Doc only having one eye even capable of expressiveness, and his face being the opposite of human, but...
"What?" Cleo says dumbly.
"It was like, like, Beef and Skizz, they were crazy! They were talking about a giant fish and how I shouldn't defy it. And I was like, what is a Big Salmon? I don't know, man, but they're ocean mobsters. And then I started looking. It's not just them. It's not just them Cleo, it's everyone. The ocean, man, it's evil, it's getting everyone. I've, I've made a list. Grian. Have you looked at Grian lately?"
"I think if we were worried about every time Grian got possessed then we wouldn't have any free time," Cleo says hesitantly.
"Right, right, but it was supposed to be Demise. The killing each other, all of the killing each other. I thought, oh, that'll get it out of their systems. But it's not just him Cleo! It's--have you seen Gem? She's all, oh, I will build a boat. Oh, I'll provoke the creatures of the deep. And then. Do you know what I saw all of Team ZITS doing? Fishing!"
"Doc," Cleo says, increasingly concerned for him. He looks... disheveled.
"And not just fishing, oh no. They were standing in the water fishing! And Pearl! Have I mentioned that Pearl is dressing up as a salmon? I mentioned that, yes? The salmon Pearl?"
"You hadn't, unless that was the big fish thing," Cleo says.
"No, that was something different, I think Pearl is maybe a different salmon."
"Sure, okay, more than one salmon, that makes sense," Cleo says dryly.
"And everyone, they are fishing each other around the ocean, yes? Etho is in the ocean! XB is in the ocean! I think I saw Joe crawl out of the ocean earlier, he was all wet and haunted! Surely that is a sign the ocean is evil."
"No, he's just like that," Cleo says. "Also, I did the fishing rod thing too. I think it's just... normal fun."
"They're getting you too. My assessment that you're the sane one. I've said too much."
"I think you need sleep," Cleo says. "Doc, there isn't an ocean-based conspiracy. It's the start of the season. You know we're just like this."
"That's the thing, I can't sleep," Doc says. "I can't. I sleep and I see it. I see it, lurking beneath the waves. It's calling for me Cleo. It's calling. And when it calls, it seems so--kind. But then. But then! I wake up, and I remember the shape of it, and..."
Doc shudders and stops talking. Cleo looks at him a moment longer and then, like comforting a nervous animal, takes his shoulder.
"You should take a nap. It's the start of the season. You're over-stressing yourself. Too much too fast?" they say, as soothingly as possible.
"It's coming for us," Doc says. "It's coming. I don't want to ignore it this time, yes? What's coming for us. We should--we should--"
"Even if it is, Doc, I don't think we can fight the ocean. Come on. Maybe sleeping in my base will help reset your brain."
Doc shudders, but lets Cleo guide him inside. They watch until at last he falls asleep fitfully before shaking their head and sighing.
"A giant fish that was trying to kill him. Honestly. I don't know where he gets these things from. Always a conspiracy with him..."
They decide to go to Ren. Ren knows how to humor Doc. Surely they can get in their ridiculous games again, and Doc will forget all about this. Doc would enjoy the Ministry of Ministries. Maybe he can be an anarchist or something. That would be good for him.
Doc cries out in his sleep. Cleo turns to him.
Then again, they have this strange sinking feeling in their stomach. Doc's... awfully worked up.
But it's Doc.
Surely it's nothing.
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sourbinnie · 11 months
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☆ hit me where it hurts.mp3 ☆
♡ genre ¿? ♡ -> angst ¡! ♡ pair ¿? ♡ -> hyung line!skz x gn!reader ♡ plot ¿? ♡ -> sometimes things shouldn't be said (or thought) but the words slip right out of his mouth at the worst time. ♡ warnings ¿? ♡ -> arguments ; the boys being a little mean but instantly regretting it ; cursing ♡ request ¿? ♡ -> yes!
maknae line
a/n: first reaction ¡! i decided i would go with the "compares you" part. hope i did it well for yall and to the person who requested it, thank u!!! i'll publish maknae line whenever i'm free:]
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chan ✉
arguments could get pretty heated with chan sometimes (he's a libra at the end of the day). it could get stressful since you've been going back & forth for so long now, as you tried to make him understand that he wasn't taking care of himself but it only brought back hurtful words that you were letting it pass under the excuse that he was "too tired". maybe you were too naive at that moment thinking that he would calm down and you guys would solve it like you always do.
then you heard it, he didn't say their name but you could only imagine who he was talking about at that point and time. 
"they would just leave me alone and let me be, why can't you do the same? ah right you're not them and you will never be." he said and horror washed him instantly as they realized what they did. fights were inevitable but you can always keep comments to yourself right? it was just the heat of the moment that made him slip out such cruel words. as soon as you were turning away to leave, he was trying to find his way to you but it was too late anyways. "baby nono, don't leave not right now, it's late and i was fucking stupid. i'm so fucking sorry-."
"i just need some space right now, yeah? i need to be away from you." you said and that only made him worry even more as that's the last thing he wanted right now. "just let me christopher, we'll talk when i get back." 
"don't call me that, i'm still your channie, your boyfriend and i still fucking love you. listen i'm sorry but please don't go." he said close to the tears falling from his eyes and you just shook your head as you grabbed your things and he followed you around the house like a lost puppy. "(y/n) let's work this out yeah? i'll go to the dorms tonight and you'll stay here."
eventually knowing he wouldn't give up, you just nodded as you went to your shared bedroom and sighed. letting the tears finally from your eyes and hearing the door close was enough to let your sobs out from how much those words stung in your heart.
minho ✉ 
fighting with minho wasn't easy. his witty responses and his hurtful comments always stood out like daggers in your heart. he usually didn't fight at all but when he did, most of the time he took it too far and it wasn't easy to forget what he said. as the new comeback approached, you tried your best to be supportive but when you couldn't see them on their first win, it hurt minho. he wanted you to be there, backstage or in the crowd cheering for them but he did not see you anywhere. turns out you were too late, had a "work" emergency, he called bullshit on that.
"i'm sorry min, i'll promise i'll be on the next one. my boss really needed me and-." he cut you off immediately, not wanting to hear it.
"it's fine. it's not like they would miss out on this like you did. maybe i should just get back with them." he muttered and it was enough for you to walk away from him. all the boys were there to talk to him about what just happened and why were you crying but he was completely petrified from your reaction and how you just went away without a word. "god i'm such a fucking idiot." he said as he chased after you through the hallways.
"don't even try talking to me. i get that you're fucking mad but that doesn't give you an excuse to say stuff like that." you said as you still walked away and didn't even look in his direction. minho tried to process what was happening all at once but couldn't bare to see the look in your eyes as the tears were still going down your face.
"please listen to me for a second. it was stupid that i got mad, i should've understood you from the beginning but please stay and i'll make it up to you. i promise." he said and even if it did sound sincere, you just couldn't do it.
"i'm sorry, i think i wanna be alone tonight." you said as you looked at him one last time and kissed his cheek before muttering "goodbye minho" and walking through the door. leaving a distraught and regretful minho behind.
changbin ✉ 
it wasn't rare for you to fight with changbin, what was rare was when he got mad. this time when you were at the studio, making sure 3racha were feeling well and not overworking themselves, you were met with a furious bin. it surprised you, you've never seen him mad and maybe something else was happening that you didn't know or you chose the worst time to visit the studio. whatever it was, it made you feel so small and like you were in a place you did not belong. jisung and chan weren't even there to witness it but you guessed that as soon as they heard, they left you guys alone.
"look i'm sorry. i don't know what i did wrong but that doesn't excuse your attitude and how you're treating me right now!" you said but it wasn't enough to his ears as he gave you the next words.
"god i can never say anything, at least with them they would let me express myself. i should've never broken up with them if i knew i was gonna end up with you." ouch was all that could be said about that as you nodded and felt the water in your eyes grow slowly. "shit- i'm so fucking sorry, i don't know what came over me baby."
he tried to get close to you but you just took a step back and that broke changbin's heart completely. it made him feel like a monster in front of you but he couldn't blame you for that, it was all his fault in the end. when he saw you walk away, as much as he wanted to, he decided not to follow you and let you go. he couldn't describe what he was feeling when he saw you practically run away from the building and not answer for jisung's calls since he was just walking in with chan. 
"what the fuck happened hyung?" jisung asked as he crossed his arms and that's when changbin lost the control of his tears. he wasn't one to usually cry but he was now gonna be haunted with muttering those words to you and what he made you feel in that moment.
"i fucked it up like i always do." he said brokenly.
hyunjin ✉
as much as you loved hyunjin, he got so petty in fights it was irritating. he was the definition of drama queen and he could fight on & on about the tiniest of details. like right now when you just got home and you forgot to do some things in your shared apartment. tiny things like the dishes or the laundry usually didn't piss him off but today when he got home practice and saw, in his words, that the whole house was upside down, he got stressed. 
"look i'm sorry, i forgot to do it and i know you've been busy with practice. i'll do it tomorrow since i get to go home earlier." you tried to explain but he just shook his head and crossed his arms.
"tomorrow? are you serious? they would've done it right here and now and wouldn't be putting up excuses like you're doing." he didn't even have to mention them for you to know who he was talking about. it felt like twisting the knife on the wound as you just looked at him with the most hurtful stare.
"of course they would. they didn't have a job in the first place and relied on you for everything!" you said and laughed bitterly but in a sad way. "if it's my job then it's a problem but with your job there's literally no excuse right? 'cause it's more important. grow up hyunjin." 
"look babe i'm sorry. i don't know what the fuck i was thinking when i said that." he tried to make up an excuse at the moment but he knew nothing would justify what he said and implied with his words. it was met with a sigh from you and it was your turn to shake your head. "i don't think your job is less important and i shouldn't have said what i said-."
"but you said it." you whispered and decided to head to your shared bedroom to lock the door. you needed some time alone not only because of the harsh words but because it made you process your whole relationship in a flashback. 
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lowkeyremi · 4 months
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jjk men and aftercare pt 2 ft. Yuji, Megumi, Sukuna, Yuta, and Toge.
a/n: part 2 babyyy hope u guys enjoy, everyone (except sukuna + megumi) are more on the softer side in this i think (here's part 1)
cw: slightly suggestive, how they are after sex basically :) (all characters are aged up!!)
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Yuji Itadori
He's kind of clueless at first. No doubt he's heard about it because he was nervous about his first time and called up his long time best friend Megumi to ask about.
Of course he told him to look it up himself, which he did but he wasn't patient enough to read through it thoroughly, so he scanned through the article to get the basic idea.
"Ummm, do you want snacks? Water... uhhhhh... um.." he struggles to remember what he'd read.
"Some water would be nice to start out." To start out? What does he have to do next?
Instead of stressing though, he hops up off the bed (naked), "Okay! I'll go get you some water!!" He's quick to leave the room and retrieve a nice, cold bottle of water.
As he's about to hand it to you he snatches it back and cracks it open, "Don't want you to strain anything."
"Yuji, baby, I can open a water bottle." You giggle at how cute and careful he is.
"Oh, right! Here you go." Your fingers touch his as he hands you the bottled beverage. A small smile rises on your face and his smile widens when he sees you smiling.
You gulp down the water quickly which was a terrible idea. Small sips is always the way to go, but sex has left you parched for some odd reason.
"Do you wanna hop in the bath?" His head perks at your questions.
"Oh yeah! You probably wanna get clean, right? I'll give you a massage too if you'd like!" Who are you to tell this beautiful man, "no"?
"Of course, Yuji. Thank you for taking care of me." Pride swells inside of him at the thought of taking care of you.
Megumi Fushiguro
Sigh. Like father, like son. He's not as bad as Toji, but when you guys first slept together he rolled over and fell asleep once you came.
When you told him why you were upset his response was "at least you came, right?"
Which he admits now that that was NOT the best thing to say. He's changed since then, though.
"Here," he throws pain killers and your favorite snack at you. You'd just finished showering about twenty minutes ago. Yes, you invited your boyfriend to join you but he had to resist your offer. He knew he wouldn't be able to keep his hands off of you and you already expressed your tiredness.
Anyone else would probably be offended if their partner threw stuff at them, but this is Megumi's way of expressing his love.
"You good?" He asks when you don't move to pick up your snack.
"Mhm, but you know it's best for me to take pain killers before sex. They're useless now." He dodges the pill bottle when you throw it at him.
"They won't reduce the after sex pain? Thought they did. Well anyway, you wanna watch something? I actually started getting into that one show you like."
The way your heart fluttered at his question left you all sappy and excited.
"Yeah get over here."
He's not perfect at aftercare but he's yours and he makes sure to tend to your needs in his own way.
Sukuna Ryomen
Honestly I don't even think I need to write anything for him but ima try my best!
He was confused about the way you stared at him when you joined him in the bathroom. He was brushing his teeth.
"What brat?" He asks staring at you through the mirror.
"You literally split me in half and didn't even bother to take care of me afterward.." You state awkwardly as you sit on the covered toilet seat.
"Eh? What happened to all that independent woman shit? Can't ya do it yourself?" He asks, the toothpaste and toothbrush in his mouth made his words a little bit hard to understand, but you get the gist.
"I mean I can do it myself, but it's more intimate when you do it with your partner!" Honestly it was useless trying to explain yourself because Sukuna is stubborn as hell.
"We had plenty'a intimacy when I was eatin' your pussy like less than ten minutes ago." There's sass in his voice and he rolls his eyes.
It was best to give up, because he wasn't going to listen. The walk of shame was super embarrassing and you made yourself a little spot on the couch to sleep on for the night.
Fifteen minutes later Sukuna's stomping into the living room.
"What're ya doing out here on the couch when we have a whole bed?" It's obviously a rhetorical question, he has a good idea of what you're mad about.
"You know why I'm pissed. You're an asshole, Ryomen. I don't even want to talk to you right now, so go away." The malice in your tone was evident and he switched up upon hearing you call him his full first name rather than that dumb nickname he will never admit that he likes.
"Ugh... so whiny. If I take care of ya, all the domestic shit. Will ya bring your ass back to bed?" He asks, a hand on his slutty waist.
"Yes." You quip quickly.
"Fine. Come on."
That was the start of the aftercare you deserved, and surprisingly he was good at it. When you asked him where he got all this experience from he said, "I was a human with feeling at some point. I know how to care for people, when I want."
Yuta Okkotsu
He didn't want to fuck up so he researched any and everything. From hydration to what foods are good to eat afterwards and so on.
"Thank you Yuta, this is delicious." It really is good, his cooking is phenomenal. It always warms your heart. You'd started on dinner but Yuta distracted you which led to having your legs spread on the counter for him.
"It's the least I can do for you for treating me so well." He says with a suggestive smirk and you know exactly what what he's implying.
"Also food is important to build your stamina back up after sex. Did bathing with those bath salts help any?" He's read that they're supposed to relax and calm the body. He made you soak for twenty minutes.
"It did, I don't feel as sore as I did earlier." And it's true, Yuta knew more about how to care for yourself better than you did which surprised you to some extent. Sometimes it felt more like a nagging parent than helpful advice but he usually doesn't get to that point.
"Make sure you're taking care of yourself too, babe. It's not all about me." You remind him.
He nods while chewing. "I always take care of myself after you. I'll wash up after we tackle the dishes."
Toge Inumaki
Toge is a worrier when it comes to aftercare. He wants you to be satisfied with his efforts.
Never again did you fall asleep without cleaning yourself up or letting Toge help you do it. Last time you did he commanded you to get in the tub so he could scrub you clean.
He wrote an apology on a piece of paper afterward. He just wanted you to get clean.
He cares a lot about you and your emotions, and obviously it's hard for him to do that in words, so he tries his best to do it through his actions.
Tonight is no different, he's washing your hair in the shower. The water is the perfect temperature and you can feel Toge pressed up against you. The way his finger tips graze your scalp are just right/ You about fall asleep.
"Mustard Leaf." He says in worry. He doesn't want a repeat of last week, when you fell asleep in the shower and you slipped almost causing a concussion if he hadn't caught you last second.
"I.. I'm awake. I won't fall asleep again, promise." You yawn and the worry dissipates for the most part. He trusts your words.
"Salmon." He responds and you smile lazily.
Your most earnest moments are when the two of you are in the shower. You feel the need to rid yourself of anything from the day so you tell him everything. He nods along and gives you comforting touches to assure you.
"I love you so much, Toge. Thank you for cleaning me up."
Your white haired boyfriend nods his head at you with a smile. Your eyes follow his hand as he writes " I ♡ YOU" with his finger, on the glass door of the shower.
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reallyromealone · 10 days
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Title: hazbin security
Fandom: hazbin hotel
Characters: hazbin hotel ensemble, male reader
Fic type: story - romance
Pairings: angel dust x reader
Warnings: male reader, reader insert, angst, rape themes, reader is a giant, reader is a sweetheart, mentions of nsfw, adult language, mention of kinks, hurt to comfort
Notes: bing bong
🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️
The hotel went quiet as a hulking demon stepped in, having to crouch under he door to enter "uhh, hi?" Charlie said putting on a friendly smile as the 13 foot tall demon stared at her quietly and held up a paper advertisement along with a resume "oh! You're here for the security position!" She said excitedly as the massive demon nodded, everyone too unnerved by his hulking presence to even begin to think about anything else.
Charlie and Alastor went to the back with him, husk looking at angel dust with raised eyebrows as the door closed "holy shit!" Husk said to his close friend who's sipped his martini, nodding "he's a fuckin' giant, seriously! He could crush us!" The spider demon said almost awe struck as he barely hit the demons chest, angel knew he was probably hung like hell... Something he could feel in his stomach.
Charlie busted in "everyone meet our newest security! (Name)!" Charlie introduced the silent demon as the others awkwardly waved to no response as (name) nodded softly, a passive expression on his face.
And that's how it was, everyone went about their days as (name) despite his size lurked quietly in the shadows out of view but angel always kept a keen eye on him, he stressed him out... Reminded him of the people val made him sleep with.
Especially since (name) always glanced at him, like he was suspicious of him... Angel hated it.
"Give me the word, I'll handle him" husk would back up angel dust and the spider demon smiled at his best friend "thanks husky" he smiled, happy he found a genuine friend in the bartender as (name) threw out some crackhead who pissed on the carpet in defiance.
It was late as Angel dust walked to the hotel, exhausted and drained as his heels clicked against the pavement, today was shit and he just wanted to go home...
"Excuse me?" A gravelly voice called as the spider turned to see an imp with an intense glare "you're... You're Angel dust right? I saw your work..." They said seriously and angel felt his hair stand on edge as he looked at the other "what's it to ya?" Angel hissed out as the imp stepped closer and angel stepped back "I really... Admire your work... You look amazing on the big screen though... It pales to the real deal" they said heatedly as Angel felt he needed to get away and fast "no you don't!" The imp hissed out as he grabbed angel dust and pinned him to the ground "I wanna see if you're like how you are on the big screen!" The imp said maniacally as he tore at angels shirt.
Angel felt tears well up in his eyes, fuck he didn't want this to go how it did...
No!
Shit!
"Show me your cute-- holy shit!" The imp was lifted as angel shook, looking at his savior and was surprised when he saw (name) throw the imp like a ragdoll before lifting angel into his arm, the spider secured snuggly in his bicep as he went back to the hotel without a word. Angel was shaking as he just let (name) take him wherever, he didn't care anymore... He just wanted this night to be over.
(Name) Put his sweater over the other, nights in hell we're ice cold and (name) seemed genuinely worried as he took the scared demon back to the hotel. (Name) Didn't speak a word as angel looked up at him fearfully as he processed what happened.
The lobby and the hotel was pretty empty as it was late as everyone was either at home or in their respective rooms, the massive demon just clicking the elevator button as he glanced down at the other before looking forward.
"Wait this isn't..." Oh god, angel panicked as they passed his room and He felt his fears confirmed as they went to (name)s room and he was plopped on the bed unceremoniously, closing his eyes and expecting the worst until a t-shirt handed to him and the white haired demon watched as (name) turned around, Angel realized he gave him one of his massive shirts that fit like a dress. He hid the smile on his face at the fact the massive demon wanted to respect his privacy even though every part of angel had been broadcasted across hell.
But it felt nice... Being respected.
Angel felt awkward as he spoke softly "I'm uh, I'm finished changing big boy" he hoped it wasn't some kink, a lot of demons loved seeing angel in their clothes and fucking like that but was more surprised when (Name) Left the room as angel processed what happened and was elated to see the massive demon gold a tiny piggy in his hand, setting him in angels lap "nuggie!" Angel smiled as (name) sat on the ground, even sitting he held perfect eye contact "thanks... Why did you help me?" Angel didn't get it, no one ever did anything in hell without wanting something in return and (name) tilted his head "why wouldn't I?"
"So do you wanna fuck as a thank you?" Angel asked bluntly and (name) just stared at him "no"
"Then why would you help me if you didn't want to fuck?!"
"You deserve to be treated with respect, i wasn't going to allow such scum to treat you with anything less" the demon grunted, angel realizing that this was the first conversation be ever had with the other, the demons voice soothing to his ears. "you aren't as intimidating as I thought" angel said genuinely as he slid down beside (name), smiling up at him "I intimidated you?" (Name) Seemed genuinely confused and angel cackled "we all were! You're a massive demon who never talks!" (Name) Looked down at his own body and seemed to be in thought "that must be why people run..."
Angel let out a genuine laugh and kissed the others cheek "you ain't intimidating at all anymore to me!" He teased and (name) seemed flustered a bit at the others actions "nuggie seems to like ya" angel said as the tiny piggy crawled into (name)s lap and promptly fell asleep, normally he stuck to angel and angel alone.
"I just admit I have been feeding him little treats, my apologies" (name) seemed embarrassed as angel felt his heart melt a bit, not only was this giant so sweet to him but his pet!
(Name) Let angel sleep in his bed, the demon trying to set up shop on the floor when angel practically forced him on the bed "it's big enough for both of us!" And angel didn't want to sleep alone, the night shaking him up as he snuggled into (name)s side.
Waking up, angel was being held like glass as (name) cuddled him close to his chest as If he were the most precious thing in the world.
Angel didn't want to move, the domestically sweet energy making him feel emotions he wasn't used to.
And god was (name)s chest the most comfortable thing ever, practically smothered by the large pectoral muscles and his massive arms keeping him secure.
Maybe he could close his eyes and enjoy this a little longer...
When (name) woke he gently tucked the spider in as he got out of bed, grabbing a sweater for the other and a pair of boxers for him to wear as he wasn't sure if Angel wanted to wear sleep clothes when he woke...
What he didn't know was angel woke and stared at him curious as the massive demon out together some clothes for him, already dressed for the day and a goody smile played on his face.
He was gonna fuck this demon.
But romantically.
Angel stuck to (name) all day, the bigger demon letting him sit on his shoulder as he went about his day, angel dust talking away as the other listened carefully.
Eventually (name) needed to attend to things as he set angel carefully at the bar and walked off to do whatever it was charlie and Alastor needed him to do.
"So like, you fucking the big guy?" Husk asked bluntly and Angel dust explained what happened, the massive demon being nothing short of a gentleman to the lustful demon "he's only touched me to give me clothes or if I initiated it!" Angel was confused, usually people touch him first and without asking but (name) always looked at him for assurance before doing anything to the white spider, it was nice.
He felt special.
"You deserve someone nice like that, he's always watchin' ya, at first I thought he was glaring but now I think he was worried for ya" it was true, (name) always kept an eye on angel dust and the spider thought (name) was suspicious of him but...
Angel returned to the security demons room that night and (name) looks like a surprised puppy as he let the other in, angel looking up at him expectantly "I wanna fuck you but romantically" angel said simply and (name) tilted his head "you know you don't need to fuck me to be with me" he said simply and angel looked suspicious at him "what? You into cucking?"
(Name) Just lifted the spider and set him in his lap, absolutely tiny comparatively as he turned on the tv and pulled the blanket over them, kissing angel dusts forehead sweetly. Though their relationship seemed a bit rushed, angel couldn't help the goofy smile on his face as he snuggled into (name)s chest, the larger demon kissing his head softly.
Yeah...
He could get used to this.
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just-jordie-things · 1 month
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K so like its night time and y/n is cuddling with megumi and yuji barges in and sees them both and is like “You’re cuddling with megumi are you guys dating?! :O” then the next day everyone is just asking you “aRe YoU rEaLlY dAtInG mEgUmI???” By the way i love your posts❤️
megumi is just so perfect for secret dating bc he would beg you to keep your relationship a secret, like, right off the bat. like before you're even official- probably before he's even confessed.
omg.
megumi coming to you in a panic and it worries you bc you don't often see him stressed and the boy looks like he's about to pop a blood vessel and you're being so sweet to him meanwhile he's grabbing you by the hands and making you swear to not speak a word of this to yuji or nobara- and definitely not gojo. poor confused you are like "ok sure but what are you talking about??" oops megumi forgot about the part where he's supposed to tell you how much he likes you and thinks that you should give him a chance at making you happy- but we all know that goes well because you're literally in love with him already adlhgkajflkgh
and for a while you're pretty good at sneaking around, because it's sort of fun actually. every secret look or note passed has your heart racing and you wouldn't have it any other way, as long as you have each other.
but after a few months the two of you get fully settled with one another and you start to slip up. with megumi pulling your chair out for you or holding the door for you but not the others, you start to get a few questioning looks. and you might have called him megs in front of the others one time- he might not forgive you for that one because now everyone calls him that to get on his nerves... oops.
it's not like either of you are trying to get caught, you both enjoy the benefits of dating in secret so much, you don't necessarily want to give that up. the others will definitely berate and interrogate you one day for keeping your relationship a secret for so long, but... it's just so nice.
"maybe we tell them when we graduate?" you hum, trying to brainstorm with your boyfriend to find the proper way to break the news.
megumi's chest rumbles under your cheek when he groans. if it were up to him, no one would ever know. surely he could have a successful relationship with you that way, right? it's been easy enough to cover it up so far, surely you could elope and build a life together in secret as well? shit, would gojo take it personally if he didn't tell him he was getting married? suddenly his mind is swarming with what a secret private wedding would look like, meanwhile you're laying against him in sielnce waiting for his response.
"megs..?" you call softly, trying to draw him out of his thoughts.
"maybe we fake our deaths. relocate. how's italy sound?"
you chuckle, tilting your head back to peer up at him.
"you're afraid of gojo, aren't you?" you hum knowingly. megumi glances down at you briefly, looking away as soon as you wiggle your eyebrows. you chuckle again.
"i'd be open to other places, too" he continues his thought.
"i think we should just rip it off like a bandaid," you ignore his getaway plan. "tell them we're together and have been all year. then if they have questions-"
"i'm not answering their questions" his voice is a mere whisper, as not to disturb the calming atmosphere you've created, but his words are final. you tap your finger against his chest a few times.
"i'll answer the questions then, you can just... stand there"
"do i even have to be there?"
"i don't think they'll believe me if you aren't" you giggle at the idea of trying to convince them that yes that stoic moody boy is actually a complete romantic towards you and you never thought a love like yours could be possible.
"are you saying our friends don't think i'm boyfriend material?" he asks, and you know he's baiting you, but you're honest with him anyways.
"that's exactly what i'm saying," you say, grinning up at him despite the scowl of fake hurt on his face. "but i know otherwise"
"fine. we'll tell them. and then you can answer the questions. and i'll... be there. for emotional support"
you giggle some more, tucking yourself further against him while he stares at the ceiling in despair. he already knows all of the questions your friends are going to ask and he can't help but dread them in advance. still, it will be nothing compared to the interrogation he'll surely receive from his guardian, later, when you aren't around to protect him (and his dignity)
"it'll be nice to be able to just say we're going on a date instead of you faking to be sick and me pretending i'm on an assignment. sneaking around was fun and all but..." you trail off, and megumi averts his gaze from the plain ceiling, peeking down at you where you nuzzle into the soft fabric of his sweatshirt. he knows you're going to fall asleep on him, because you always do, but he doesn't mind. even if it makes his arm fall asleep. "i don't want to hide how much i love you anymore"
and then his escape plan sounds silly when you put it like that. so he hugs you tighter against him as you start to drift off- he can tell as your head feels a little heavier against his collar- and he brushes his lips over the crown of your head.
"i love you too, sweetheart," he murmurs. "we'll tell them as soon as you want"
he just wasn't expecting the moment to be ruined by his door slamming open and your friends inviting themselves in, only to be shocked at the scene they interrupted.
queue the noisy accusations and questions. megumi tries not to say i told you so as you tiredly sit up and rub your eyes so you can answer all of your friends' curiosities, while he pulls the blanket over his head and tries to pretend he wasn't there.
of course he doesn't want to hide that he loves you... but for fucks' sake do they have to do this here and now????
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yxngbxkkie · 2 months
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long-distance (b.c)
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i saw an edit of chan from channie's room, and i had come up with this idea for him. i want and need this man so much, he's so fucking PRECIOUS 🥹 anyway, i hope you guys like it 🩷🩷
feedback is greatly appreciated 🥰
Two minutes after you open your laptop, a video call from Chan appears. A smile graces your lips as you answer it with no hesitation. It gets bigger when his face appears on screen.
“Hi, baby,” he smiles at the camera, his dark eyes checking every inch of your face.
It's been almost a month since the two of you have video chatted. Especially with Chan being busy with schedules.
“Hi, my baby,” you greet him, leaning your chin on the palms of your hand. “How are you?”
Chan leans back in his chair, releasing a hefty sigh. “It was okay. It was kinda busy, but it wasn't unbearable,” he mentions to you.
You pout, wishing you could give him a tight hug. “I'm sorry, baby. The good news is that you have your vacation coming up!” You attempt to cheer him up, wanting to relieve his stress a little.
“I do, yes! I'm super excited about it,” he tells you, clasping his hands together. “Speaking of vacations, I have a surprise.”
“What is it?” You ask him with wide eyes, watching him get up from his desk. Chan walks off the screen, and you're curious as to what his surprise is.
You tap your fingers on your cheek, hearing your phone vibrate against the desk. Before you have the chance to look at it, your boyfriend comes back on screen.
“Okay! So, I just sent you something,” he giggles, shaking the phone in his hand.
“I'm nervous,” you chuckle while grabbing your phone. You open Chan's text to see a link. You furrow your brows, quickly glancing at him before clicking the link.
Your jaw drops when you see a boarding pass in your name. A boarding pass that leads to South Korea. Your heart beats wildly against your chest as the surprise sets in.
“Chan…” you trail off, tears coming to your eyes. “Are you serious?”
He nods his head, a fond smile on his plump lips. “Of course, baby. It's been two years since I've had you in my arms. I have a week of vacation coming up, and now so do you. Come spend it with me,” Chan explains, his thumbs stroking the back of his hands.
You cover your mouth, holding in your sobs. “Of course I'll come spend it with you,” you tell him, tears slipping down your cheeks. “Oh my god. I can't believe this.”
“I can't wait to see you,” he smiles, running a hand through his hair. “I can't wait to kiss you.”
You playfully roll your eyes, recalling all the times he's told you how much he's missed kissing you. “Are you buying me a plane ticket just so you can kiss me?” You ask jokingly.
“You know it's not like that!” Chan groans, tilting his head back. “That's just a perk to being your boyfriend.”
“To kiss my lips?” You ask, poking your lips with your finger.
He winks, nodding his head. “You have really pretty lips, baby,” Chan smugly says, biting his lip.
“You know who also has pretty lips,” you mention, smirking at your computer screen. Chan hums in response, tilting his head. “You, baby.”
“Me!? No way,” he scoffs, bringing a hand to his lips to feel him.
You swear the first thing that you do when you see him is slap him. “Yes, you! Your lips are thick, baby. Nice and plump for me to kiss,” you smooch the air, chuckling afterward.
“You're crazy,” he huffs, shaking his head with a smile.
You rest against your hands again, feeling your heart flutter at the sight of him. “Crazy for you,” you smoothly compliment him.
“God, I should've made your flight date earlier,” he mumbles, his hand rubbing his chin. His eyes meet yours, and both of you stare quietly for a few moments. “I need you with me right now.”
You pout again. “I wish I could be there now, but soon enough, I'll be there,” You do your best to reassure him, making a heart with my hands.
He returns the heart, pouting also. “I'm counting down the days,” Chan whispers loud enough for you to hear.
~
Your heart is racing in your chest as you step out of the terminal. Your eyes are quickly looking around to find Chan. You stand on your toes, releasing a quiet gasp when you spot him.
“Baby!” You call out, not wanting to gain attention for shouting his name.
Chan hears your voice, quickly turning his head in your direction. The two of you run to each other, avoiding the other travelers around you.
You crash into him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Chan slides his hands across your lower back, pressing you against him. You hide your face in his neck, trying your best not to cry.
“My baby,” he whispers into your ear, rubbing your back gently.
Your fingers run through his hair, pressing light kisses on his neck. “I've missed you so much,” you cry out, gripping onto the hoodie he's wearing.
He pulls back so he can look at you, placing both hands on your cheeks. A few tears run down your cheeks, feeling Chan's thumb wipe them away.
“I've missed you too, baby,” he kisses your forehead.
You leaned on your toes, smashing your lips with his. “I love you,” you mumble into the kiss, petting his fluffy hair.
“I love you,” Chan says, stroking your cheeks.
You hug him tightly again, and the two of you start to sway back and forth. It felt really good to be in his arms again, especially after not seeing each other for two years.
“C'mon, there's a car waiting for us,” he mentions while rubbing your back.
You pull away from each other, and he instantly grabs your hand before leading you towards baggage claim to receive your luggage.
There's a comfortable silence between you both as you walk through the airport. You look at everything around you, trying to spot if you see any words you might recognize from your Korean lessons.
You bite your lip in disappointment, not being able to recognize anything. You rest your head against Chan's arm, squeezing his hand as you take the escalator down to the first floor.
“My Korean lessons aren't helping me,” you pout at him, tilting your head back to look at him.
He giggles while stroking the back of your hand, meeting your gaze. “No? Why do you say that?” He asks, both of you stepping off the escalator. “Whenever we try to converse in Korean, it sounds good!”
“Yeah, but I can't read anything,” you huff out, releasing your own giggle.
Chan leans forward and presses a gentle kiss on the top of your head. “Don't worry, baby, I'll read it for you. You just stand here and look pretty,” he taps your nose before going to grab your suitcase.
“When did you get so smooth?” You ask him, biting your lip again as you go to follow him.
He comes back with your suitcase, a shit-eating grin on his face. “Ever since I laid my eyes on you. I'm just really excited that you're here,” Chan mentions, grabbing a hold of your hand again. “Now, let's go get you something to eat.”
~
tagging: @strawboorybunny @reddesert-healourblues @spacegirlstuff @moon0fthenight @foxinnie8 @like-a-diamondinthesky @prettymiye0n
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justauthoring · 2 months
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your reassurance
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matches could get a little tense, but never this bad.
a/n: i go back to school in two days and im not ready to deal with the stress of everything once again so i wrote this to comfort me :) i promise i'll write for anime soon lol.
pairing: jamie tartt x f!reader
warnings: you literally get a water bottle thrown at you :)
Basically, it had all gone to hell in a matter of seconds.
What had been nothing more than any regular game you’ve gone to hundreds of times, turned into a full out brawl that left your heart racing in fear. You’d been up in the box with Rebecca, Keeley and Higgins as you always were, happily watching Richmond play while your eyes specifically gravitated towards a certain player with the number nine on his back.
Richmond was winning and you’d been very vocal and very loud about your excitement and support (like you always were) the entire game. Jamie seemed to be especially on fire that day after securing one goal himself and assisting with two other ones, which happily placed Richmond in the lead of three to one.
But it wasn’t an at home match, and it seemed like some of the fans who cheered for their home team didn’t appreciate just how loudly you and your friends were cheering.
After Jamie manages to score another goal himself, you’re jumping up to your feet, decked out in red and blue with Jamie’s number happily adorning your back. You scream so loud even though your throat already feels raw from how loud you’d been cheering the entire match, Keeley’s hands tightly clutching your arms as the both of you jump up and down. Jamie is being tackled by his teammates and you watch the celebration with a fond smile, cheeks flushed, skin slightly warm with sweat as the whole match catches up to you.
Then, suddenly, there’s something smacking you right in the forehead.
It’s a surprise enough, not having expected the hit, but it hurts enough to knock you off balance. You stumble backwards on your feet and feel Keeley’s grip tighten on you as she tries to catch you. Your hand falls to your forehead where you’d been heard, winching when it throbs in response, lowering your gaze only to see a water bottle on the ground next to your feet and when your eyes glance ahead of you, you see a pair of blazing eyes staring back at you.
“Babes,” Keeley calls out in shock, pulling your eyes on her as she glances at your forehead. “Are you–”
“Shut your damn whore mouth!”
You’ve hardly processed what’s happening before you realize that the man is trying to climb his way up to your seats, and Keeley is harshly pulling you back to safety. You distantly hear Rebecca calling out for security as Higgins tries to guide everyone else to safety as well. You know you should snap out of it and help Keeley but your vision is blurring and your heart is racing and everything is suddenly too much that you’re stuck staring at the pair of eyes that seem to wish the absolute worst for you.
The man manages to grab your arm before you can fully pull away, digging his nails into your arm as you let out a small cry before Keeley rips his grasp off of you and fully tugging you away. She pulls you to face her, shoving her in front of you when it was clear that you were the man’s target and you see security rushing past you as second later as you’re pulled away from the stadium and down the hall.
Rebecca is rushing to get medics and Keeley is trying to ask you if you’re okay but you can’t think straight. You keep glancing over your shoulder in fear that somehow the man will be there, but of course he isn’t and before you know it you’re being tucked away into a room and sat on a bench where Rebecca returns with some of Richmond’s medics.
Keeley stays there, holding your hand tightly as the medic checks you over. You squeeze her hand without even realizing it, your heart still pounding madly against your chest as the medic cleans the scratches the man had managed to dig into your arm and place a bandage over them. She confirms that you have a very mild concussion from the plastic water bottle hitting your head and she wants you to rest in the room for a bit before heading home, and only if you have someone to drive you home.
Luckily, Keeley is able to assure that you do when you find yourself unable to speak, and then the medic is leaving with one final goodbye and a nod Rebecca’s way.
“Babe,” Keeley calls softly, “are you–”
“Where is she?” A sudden voice booms and you react to something for the first time since everything had happened, back straightening as your eyes fall towards the door in alert. “Oi, where is Y/N? Y/N–”
Whatever Jamie had been about to say promptly falls shut the second he reaches the door and his eyes catch yours. His face falls when he sees you, the wild panic in his eyes morphing to concern when he takes you in and before you realize it you’re jumping off the bench and he’s wrapping his arms around you before you can even take one step.
You wrap your arms around him tightly, burying your head into the crook of his neck as a small sob leaves your lips. Jamie presses a hand to the back of your head in response, worried eyes flickering over to Keeley who’s offering him a small smile and a hand to your back before she steps out with Rebecca, the two of them giving you some privacy.
“I’m so sorry it took me so long to get ‘ere,” Jamie rambles the second he’s sure you’re alone. He pulls back, moving to cup your cheeks as his eyes traces your injuries, frowning deeply when he sees the bruise that’s welling on your forehead. “We were already leaving the pitch when it happened and when I tried to turn around, I couldn’t get through. I tried to get to you as soon as possible, love. Are… what happened?”
It’s like everything finally catches up to you. The tears welling in your eyes finally fall as you clutch onto him tightly, relying on his presence heavily, shaking your head. “I dunno,” you mumble. “One second I’m cheering for your win and then a water bottle is being thrown at my head. Jamie, he was so angry… the man who hit me and then he was trying to get to me and I froze… I… I was so scared.”
Using his thumb to brush away your tears, Jamie shakes his head, shushing you gently. “I’m so sorry, love. I should’ve been there.”
You just shake your head; “you couldn’t have known. Keeley helped get me away and Rebecca got security as soon as possible.”
“Then I owe them the whole world for keeping you safe for me,” he mumbles, pressing a kiss to your forehead, careful not to put pressure on your injury. “And I’ll personally make sure that that man is never allowed to a single match ever again. And worse.”
Nodding, you reach up and grab his hands in your hand, leaning against him. “I couldn’t think properly until I saw you,” you explain, registering that you hadn’t really listened to the medic when she was trying to help you. And you hadn’t thanked Rebecca or Keeley yet, which you would need to. “I think I was in shock.”
“Of course ya were,” Jamie agrees. “What ya went through… ya never should have had to. I’m so sorry that it even happened in the first place.”
You just shake your head, pressing a kiss to his palm. “I think the medic said I only had a mild concussion. And that you need to drive me home.”
“Done,” Jamie agrees with ease, “you practically already live with me. Will ya be okay takin’ the bus back home with the boys? I don’t really want ya to be alone.”
You nod with ease. “I want to be with you,” you assure, meeting his gaze. “Rebecca’s private jet is lovely but I need you.”
“Then you’ve got me,” Jamie promises, pulling you in for a hug once more, holding you tightly as if afraid you’d disappear from his fingers. “Always.”
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anadiasmount · 2 months
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hello again? - jude bellingham x reader.
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quick sum: weddings and dates. feelings tested to their breaking point when one of you appears with a date. the night is young, is there still a chance to make things right even when it feels wrong?
wc: 4k | masterlist | jude’s masterlist
psa 🗣️: HAD SOO MUCH FUN WRITING THIS!!! this wa smeant to be posted yesterday so I'm sorry for the small delay!! i love the drama and angst but fluffy ending as promised!!🤞🏻 like always hope you enjoy! 🤍
“i going to need five painkillers by the end of the night,” the bride, well, your best friend says. you laugh as you finish tucking in the last few bobby pins in her updo, making sure no flyaway or small bumps are seen, everything sleek and perfect. “i am too. or maybe many many many tequila shots, whichever is first available,” you joke. 
“you should be all set!” you say cheerfully with a full smile on your face, hands resting on her shoulders as she admires your work. “it looks absolutely perfect, thank you! you’re truly a life savor i was ready to cancel the whole wedding,” your friend's eyes glimmer in relief, having a huge weight lifted off her shoulders as you did her hair. the hairstylist had to cancel the day of due to having a family emergency, but refunding her money was the least she could do. 
all the bridesmaids surrounded you, complimenting the hair and most importantly the bride who could just be overall thankful and full of emotions. the photographer came in, taking individual and group pictures of everyone, and opening a bottle of champagne to start the day. 
there were still a couple of hours left so you did some touch-ups on hair and makeup, assuring to add some powder to set and spray a setting mist to ensure it would last all day, also being generous with the hair spray. you changed into the olive green-toned dress and the black pumps for the evening, the dress hitting the correct angle and not interfering with you walk. a simple gold bracelet and matching earrings completed the look, walking out and earning praises from your girlfriends. 
your heart began to race faster approaching the reception, suppressing any feelings away because you felt it wasn't the time. the wedding nerves were killing you but also seeing jude again was making you stress more than it shouldn't have. how he was. what he'd wear. if he was even going to be there?
with jude's schedule, it was hard to even make time for each other, being one of the main reasons for your messy breakup. your promotion to the law firm, move to spain, his recovery, media, games, and the always questioning each other's every move. it took a toll especially on you, crossing yourself every night knowing you couldn't do anything about it except long for him.
he was your every thought since then. if he missed you? how his life was going? if he also desired to get back together? as hard as it was you still felt more than love for him. the feeling in your tummy spreading as you remember the first times with him. the kiss, the date, the sex, the love, all of it.
"i've ordered your favorite, now tell me where i can help you," jude says kissing just below your ear returning from outside where he placed a call. you hand him your flashcards pulling out your notebook to read the different scenarios that match with the words.
"just so you know, before we start, i'll have you know i want something in return," jude whispers with a cheeky grin. "of course you do, what is it," you ask teasingly your arm wrapping around his shoulders waiting for his response.
"a date. i want you to go out on a date with me y/n..." jude says earning a silence from you. your nails rake against the back of his neck, "i'd love too. just so you know, depending how much you help me with determine the commitment to our first date..."
"i promise to be on my best behavior then."
"y/n! are you ready?" your friend waved her hand in the air with a confused look, you immediately snapped back into reality as you stepped out to the reception. "does everyone have their flowers? remember they go in your right hand!" the party organizer reminded you as you quickly got into line with the groomsmen.
it all happened quickly, you smiled at alex who quickly got into place arm wrapped with yours as you walked down the aisle as rehersed. the reception was absolutely beautiful. the tears, the vows, the laughter, the ceremony couldn't have been more perfect. you hated to admit but your eyes did search around for jude, and once you saw him, a sensation in you went numb.
there jude sat with a girl to his side who clearly hadn't read the dress code. placing kisses all over his hand and cheek, the love dazed in her eyes as she stared at jude. jude did reach over a few times and she giggled, making your weak heart wrench further.
jude on the other hand started to get impatient, especially with carla who wouldn't stop annoying him and trying to get his attention every few seconds. since breaking up with you he couldn't stand the PDA towards him or seeing it. jude quickly found it difficult since most of his teammates were married or in committed relationships.
it seemed like everywhere he went, there were reminders of you lingering around. the library you studied and where he took you on a desk in a quiet corner, the cafe where you'd get your morning coffee with him, even his training center, and the beranabeu where he hoped and waited you'd be there. he was miserable and driven to his breaking point.
jude began to regret bringing carla, as she got the wrong message and was all over him. the wedding you planned to go to together, where you were supposed to be his date, not her. but his stupid jealousy and talks from others were the fault he was here today. he was anticipating meeting your boyfriend or date, make the message clear he was going to be in the picture.
he hated to think of someone else when it wasn't him. it ticked him off and he knew he couldn't do anything about it because you weren't there anymore. but no one said he couldn't feel the way he felt. to hate the man who would forever make you laugh, or earn your love at the end of the day.
all those promises, the kisses, the hugs, the forever after you guys created was long gone. it hurt jude to the point where he had nightmares, not being able to sleep. it didn't help when they teased or made comments to him. or the fact a rumor went around you moved on and had someone else.
"carla, do you mind getting some drinks while i say hello to some friends?" jude kindly asks removing her hands from his chest. "anything for us jude! i'll wait for you by our table," she winks at him making jude internally cringe as she walks off.
he dabs up his friends, congratulating the groom and making small talk. "oye jude! que pasa chaval!? i didn't think you'd come," his shorter teammate brahim greeted him. "well i'm here aren't i? how are you? como estais?" jude mocked earning a chuckle from him.
all of his teammates suddenly surrounded him, laughing and discussing the plays for the game before, and the tactics for the upcoming one. jude looked around trying to look for you and carla. he fixed his suit every now and then, entranced with his friends. "who did you come with?" asked brahim, looking around for what presumably could be you.
"an old friend, her name is carla," jude winces at his friend's look. “i thought you were coming with y/n?” asks brahim earning a deep scowl from jude. “no we uh- we broke up a while ago,” jude squints his eyes, eyes finding you where you laughed loudly with your friends.
“but she’s here?”
“yeah but probably not alone,” jude retorted still convinced you were seeing someone and they were here. “what?” brahim laughs at him earning an eye roll from jude, “you can’t be serious! i’m pretty sure she’s single,” brahim says. “what are you playing at here jude?”
“nothing. i’m here for the wedding,” jude scoffs. “yeah sure you are,” brahim squints his eyes then looks around starting to walk off. “when you come to your senses, i’ll wait for you over there. remember not everything seems to be exactly as you seem jude…” he smacks his shoulders and walks off.
you’d probably been on your third glass of champagne by now, enjoying the presence with your girls as you spoke about the wedding and old throwbacks together. the speeches were made and the newly weds had their first dance already. anyone at the event center was dancing, talking, or drinking.
“i’ll be right back, i'm pissing myself,” you excuse yourself laughing at joke as you step away to do your business. you brought along your bag, washing your hands and touching your your makeup that had smudged a bit after the maid of honor speech. applying a fresh coat of lipstick and gloss you dabbed the excess off and headed outside.
you motion to your friends you we're head to the bar, them mouthing to bring shots of tequila and some peanuts to eat. “i don’t think we’ve met before,” a strange voice says behind you, you turn slowly, feeling your chest sink deeper as you place a small smile. “i'm carla,” the girl introduced herself, watching as you hesitated taking her hand.
“i feel like i’ve seen you around somewhere, i just can’t put a finger to it. you know huge town but small circle of friends, i was invited last minute to the wedding so,” carla spoke falsely making you want to walk out the conversation. you nodded along not really caring and wanting to go back. part of you hated the way you were treating her, but it was all the jealousy talking. she had done nothing to you besides show up here with him.
“i’m sorry but my friends are waiting for me,” you apologize letting the bar tender know where you were seated. you grabbed a fresh glass of champagne and standing up, grabbing your bag and walked away. “leaving so soon? i was hoping we could talk,” she approaches you again making you turn again but this time a bit agitated since you were catching on to what she was doing.
“like i said, my friends are waiting for me,” you shrug nonchalantly seeing her cock her head to the said and look you up and down. “well i didn’t catch your name,” she sarcastically says, the anger building in you slowly as she spoke and wanted to rub onto your face who she was here with.
“i’m y/n, but i feel like you know that already.”
“oh you’re the ex-girlfriend!” the girl enhanced the oh, with a fake smile. rage burned in your veins, needing to have resistance before you put her in her place. she had been on it the whole night, and she began to test your limits now. 
“you must be the new girlfriend!” you returned the fake smile and took a huge sip of the champagne. “almost couldn’t tell…” you shrugged looking for an escape route but landing eyes with the man you avoided the whole night. his mouth agape and wide eyes. 
he wore a black suit and white button up, leaving three buttons undone, hair styled and a fancy watch adorning his wrist. you felt tugged into the eye contact, needing and wanting to be the one next to him tonight. but instead here you were, giving your attention to the person you hated most. 
your jaw clenched, turning your attention to your glass where you swirled the drink. “it’s a shame you guys didn’t work, but don’t worry! i’ll take better care of him,” she snarled. “jude spoke so much of you, honestly don’t see anything fascinating about you. have a goodnight.” 
you downed the drink in one go, feeling the burn in your throat as you placed the glass onto the empty table. jude frowned at your state, still overly confused and waiting for your date to appear. then it all clicked in his head, you didn’t bring anyone, you didn’t bring a date. the jealousy and anger disappearing in him slowly as he watched you sit down and sigh covering your head in your hands. 
“what did you say to her?” he questioned his date, seeing a smirk appear on her lips. jude turned back to you where you looked around in a trance, knowing immediately you felt the anxiety in you. 
“what had to be said. it’s all done.” 
“what’s done? what are you doing?” jude spit out dragging her to an empty hall where she just chuckled. “i told her what needed to be said. closed a chapter and now we’re starting a new one,” carla spoke crossing her arms. “i brought you here as a companion, not as my girlfriend or anything more. i think you’re getting the wrong message here,” jude said shaking his head.
“what do you mean jude?”
“i never asked you to do that, carla. you had no right to do that. i brought you here as a companion, not my girlfriend or anything else,” jude makes it clear to her seeing confusion flash into her eyes, now beaming with embarrassment. “i don't get it jude?”
“that i don’t intend to start a relationship with you. i’m sorry if i have given that impression but i can’t. what did you say to her?" jude demands his tone going softly as he walks towards her. "i thought i had said what needed to be said so we could finally be together!"
"y/n is too busy with herself. she got herself a promotion and is focused on her studies! she can't give you what you want and ask for jude! she's nothing compared to me," carla points to herself as she speaks all mumbled.
"and you can? what you did just now, what impression does that give to me carla? the way you're speaking about someone who you don't know, and never will?" jude defends you, deeming the need to even if you weren't there. she opens her mouth to speak but closes it immediately, knowing nothing could fix the situation. "i'm sorry-"
"save it. we both know you don't mean it," jude scoffs and walks off, back into the reception where you're nowhere to be found. he wandered off for a few minutes looking for you, even asking some people around him and they all gave him the same response that they hadn't seen you.
you had walked off back to your friends after a mini breakdown and questioning your life. beginning to blame yourself for everything when it shouldn't. it was both your faults but yet it hurt to hear her say nothing was fascinating about you. you shouldn't have let her words get to heart but what if they were true?
what if you were stuck in your own world and couldn't bother to make time for him? what if you didn't give enough attention especially when he most needed it? to be worried only in the moment and not live your life to its fullest? a couple shots and dancing later you found yourself seated at your table alone, watching you friends dance without their heels drunkly laughing off.
"where are you even going?" jude asks you, seeing how you packed every item away into suitcases. "clearly far way from you. i can't stand it anymore, you're never here jude!" you yell throwing your hand sin the air.
"you're never here and i'm tired of it jude. it's always some bullshit excuse and if you truly cared you'd see that but you don't. i'm not wanted here so the faster i leave, the better for us," you say zipping up the final case.
"you're being ridiculous," jude laughs in disbelief, approaching you but you warn him to not get near you. "this is what i mean! i can hardly recognize you nowadays! i'm done jude. done," you say loud and clear.
"leave. i never needed you anyway." you turn around facing him, a flash of regret filling in his eyes as you look at him in pure disbelief. "you did, or you wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for me."
you share your head at the memory, heading to the empty bar to return the empty glasses, feeling the need to clean up the mess and grab a small snack and final glass of champagne walking out to the outdoor balcony for a breath of air. "y/n?" you look up, not feeling sleepy or drunk anymore, standing up straight as jude approaches you.
was it possible to feel your heart shatter into millions of pieces over and over again? to feel the pit of your stomach turn at the sight of your ex-boyfriend? to feel utter pain when it was supposed to be a happy day? "jude..." you croak, looking away and biting the inside of your cheek.
he rests his forearm on the bar railing looking at you, trying to read you as you looked forward. silence fell upon you, but there was no denying that your hearts began to sprint faster at the closeness of the two of you. "did you need something?" you softly ask, taking a sip of the drink. "i wanted to talk," jude states firmly.
"are you sure? i don't think your girlfriend would like that," you attempt to joke but it earns you a frown from jude who just shakes his head. "i'm not sure she would, i'll just leave this here and go-" you try to walk away but he stops you, softly gripping your wrist refusing to let you go.
"she's not my girlfriend, she also left a while ago..." jude says, seeing you finally lock eyes with his. a deep laugh rumbles from his throat a painful smile stretching along his adorned face, "my first reaction would've been that too, if you had shown up here with someone else."
"i don't get it, why are you here then?" you feel the need to ask, get some sort of answer to relieve the pang in your chest. "why bother being here when you still brought her."
"because i was jealous, there i said it. i was so convinced you'd show up with someone who wasn't me. that i'd have to face reality and finally accept we're not longer together. that i can't call you mine anymore..." jude confesses, making your eyes glisten with new tears again.
"do you not know how it feels? to still be stuck in the past and longing for hope that one day you'll come back to me? having to face everyday with you on my mind anywhere i go? to have vivid dreams of you?" jude frowns, his once rough voice turning delicate as he brought a hand wiped your tears. "i can't stand it anymore."
"i thought this whole time before coming here, you were with someone else. everyone told me you had moved on and looked in a better place and all i could feel was bitterness. it wasn't fair, but i was so wrong y/n. so wrong to the point where i brought someone who could never love me like you did..." jude wiped his own tears away at the state of you.
you felt like you couldn't move, stuck in the same place as you heard his voice. the voice that one day soothed you to sleep, to calm you down, to look forward to at the end of the day. was it possible to feel this emotionless? to have no more tears left to cry? a sob emerged you, covering your face and attempting to control your breaths.
"who said i stopped? i may have an idea of what you feel like, let's be real. i don't know quite frankly who told you i moved on, but that's all lies. i can't do that knowing i still feel the same i did when i first met you," you sniffle taking a gulp and feeling the knot in your throat. "i thought i was fine and could handle seeing you, but my oh my was i incorrect... to see her with you, for her to come up to me and speak the way she did? for a second i thought 'where is my jude'?"
"i'm right here..."jude grabbed your hand and placed it on his heart, bringing it up to his jaw and resting his face on your palm. "don't you see it though? we're back where we ended off. do you possibly think we're good for each other when it seems like we're only hurting?" you question him.
"i've lived everyday thinking i wasn't enough or that i couldn't give you what you wanted jude," you shook your head in disappointment, "i want to fix things i do, but i'm scared that if we do this again, we're going to end up back here confessing our wrongs and tears. the way i felt the day we broke up doesn't compare to now..." you say, jude going quiet and looking down in defeat.
"i miss you so much jude," you choked on your own words, a fresh wave of tears overpowered the dry ones, holding onto jude upper arms as he leaned down and engulfed you into a deep hug. jude repeatedly kissed your head, choking on his own sobs as he repeated how much he missed you.
"i hope you know i'm still so madly in love with you y/n. i've never felt this way for anyone and it seems like its meant for you and you only,"j jude says making you giggle. "i'm serious pretty girl. i'm serious about you and us. i always was and i made the mistake of letting you go once, but i'm not here to do that again. i'm here to grant all of the promises we made," jude holds your face, seeing your red eyes and slightly smudged makeup, still more beautiful than ever.
"all of them?"
"every single one of them."
"i feel like we should talk more about it," you insist, seeing jude nod and agreeing with you. he tightens his grips on you waist leaning further down closer to you. "yes we do and we will, but right now i want to kiss you..." he asks and you grant. he sucks in a breath lips devouring yours after months, holding and kissing you how you liked and deserved.
you held onto his suit, tiptoeing up and deepening the kiss further, being able to taste his minty whisky scent. "come with me. we won't talk about everything tonight but i really just want to be here with you," jude says, sitting down on a small couch laid outside. you immediately follow and cuddle into him like you used to. you place a final peck onto his lips. "wait my drink-" jude holds your waist giving you a look with a playful smile.
"i think that's enough for tonight."
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tarjapearce · 9 months
Text
Workaholic
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Miguel O'Hara x GN! Reader
Summary: An outlet is what Miguel needs. ~
WARNING: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. Oral (Male receiving), Rough Sex, a bit of Manhandling, nerd talk, stress relieving ~
Thanks for the request dear anon ♥️ Hope it's what you wanted~
Requested here
Enjoy ✨
The constant whirring and beeping from the screens, alerting him of possible anomalies, was a sound that Miguel had grown used to. Silence had turned for him a bit too dull, not that he didn't enjoy it, but it was a nuisance whenever his mind was berating himself about what ifs and what nots about the canon.
The whirring kept his mind going, as if reminding him his purpose, and the beepings only distracted him enough to focus on what his mind though important at the moment. It kept him grounded. A little peace for himself.
Until you showed up in his floating bay.
"Can see you tensing up from here, Miggy" your quiet giggling earned you a deep sigh from him.
A silent 'Not now' from his end.
His fingers traced and mapped new information, but something was off. The information he had created didn't match the algorithm. A large hand rubbed his features, trying to ease the simmering anger below the surface.
"Whatcha working on?" Your steps echoed closer, his eyes drooped emotionless, bored and quite sick of the same displaying message on his screen he had been seeing for the past hour.
Error.
His jaw clenched, his claws digging so ever softly at his palm. Muscles so rigid you thought any movement would break him. He was tense. Despite his calculated movements, stress oozed from each pore of his skin, as if waiting for the screen to show up that pestering message again to finally snap.
Error
His fist went across it. Sending shrapnels of glass across the room. Your eyes only widened slightly as your lips pursed, amused.
"Well, at least it means you can focus on something else?" Your mocking voice offered, he plopped on his seat. Legs manspreading as his nose bridge was pinched.
"What do you want?"
His gruff voice echoing in the bay, your voice disrupting the list of frequent sounds he was used to.
"Just a report delivering, but seeing you're about to snap, just watching."
He grunted in response. His head leaning on the chair.
"No puedo más" he exhaled. (Can't do this anymore)
"Glad you finally notice. We're still humans, y'know. We need rest."
Your steps came closer, he lowered the brightness settings from the outside windows. Standing behind him you ran your fingers through his head, rubbing in small circles
"¿Qué estás haciendo?" (What are you doing?)
The anger laced in his voice only made you to chuckle.
"Taking you haven't body slammed me against the wall yet, means you like it."
Your hands moved to his nape and then spreaded on his shoulders. It was like trying to make a block of concrete soft like putty.
"I'll take my guess and say you were working on some new algorithm."
He shook his head softly and sighed quietly as you worked on his broad shoulders. The warmth of your hands trying to soothe the built up tension.
"Fucking shit doesn't work."
One thing you had noticed is how much of a potty mouth he was when he was angry, frustrated or stressed.
"Nada de esa mierda funciona bien." (None of that shit works properly)
"You're thinking too much, Miggy."
"Stop-"
Your hands stopped and his brow furrowed impossibly deeper.
"I meant for you to stop calling me that, not your hands." You smirked and raked your nails softly on his chest to then guide them up his shoulders.
"Just relax" you whispered to his ear. His hand gripping tighter the arm rest of the chair. A new idea popping on your mind.
"Why don't you tell me more about it?"
You removed yourself from him and sauntered over the keyboard.
"About what?"
Your fingers deactivated the main link to his suit. He growled but was too tired to even argue.
"About what you think it's making the algorithm to fail."
Your eyes darted to his groin, even limp, it was a sight. A pinkish hue at his mushroom engorged tip, followed by a thick body that fit just perfect in your already salivating mouth.
His eyes darted upwards, as a tiny, almost imperceptible smirk adorned his sharp features.
"I don't even know where to start." He huffed as you kneeled before him. Dainty fingers running up his thighs to finally take a hold of his cock. He inhaled
"Let's try something simple. What does the algorithm do?"
Your hand pumped him a couple of times as your mouth kissed up and down a trail on him.
"It's just..." He trailed off ad your mouth focused on his tip, "Just a patch to..." Blood rushed to his cock, springing it back to life. The quick response of his body just signaled how much of an overall release he needed thanks to the pent up stress.
"To what?"
"T-To..." you took him whole and he clawed at the plastic arm chair. "To fucking fix a five second information delivery delay" He blurted as his eyes finally focused on you.
His red eyes watched as your mouth swallowed him whole with ease, to reach the base. Your throat muscles constricting against him made him shudder. His breathing hitched as you bobbed your head up and down, big eyes looking at him curiously, as if telling him to keep talking.
"T-That way we could have a more immediate response to-" he choked as your tongue swirled all over his cock but again, paid special attention to his tip. Pouty and full lips shaping themselves in the form of his girth, his eyes followed your peeking tongue that slid to the sides and flattened once more, preparing to take him again.
"Any anomalies that show up." His voice tried to remain even, but he couldn't help but almost whimper the last two syllables. His hands reached for your nape and held a fistful of your hair.
"But that... fucking thing won't work." He guided your mouth up and down on him, "I don't know if its-" A hiss as your throat was again constricting him, "A fucking issue with the code or the code itself." The squelching and sucking sounds you made were engraved on his mind, the two were added to the list of sounds he was getting used to.
"I'm fucking making it work. One way or-" He rasped I between soft pants and growls, "Another" He held your head still as his hot seed spilled in. Tears prickled at your eyes as he had made you deep throat him, a bit rougher than intended.
Swallowing, you couldn't help but cough softly, to your surprise his cock was still hard. Liking your lips clean, you tapped another button and deactivated your own suit.
"So that's the reason we are having issues with the comms?" His hands held you by the hips and guided his cock to your core, sheathing you ontop of him. It was your turn to whimper. The good stretch of him made your back arch as you smacked your hips against his once, pushing him as deep as the space allowed you.
Big hands grope each side of you, making you to grind and squeeze him. He felt so snug and comfortably embraced within your moist walls.
"Probably, de todos modos muchos hacen lo que quieren." (Many do as they please anyways)
Your legs spreaded, allowing a tighter grip. He growled as his hips smacked yours upwards, sending electric jolts all over your body. You hissed when his claws sunk a bit deeper, holding you in place.
"No sabes cuánto me frustra eso." (You don't know how frustrating is that.) His hands made your hips to slap rougher and faster, if it wasn't for the keyboard before you, you would've been on the floor by now. Your grip on the sturdy material tightened as he pounded his way into you.
Your mewls and needy pleas was something he'd definitely need to hear again.
"M-Maybe you should be-" You choked a moan as he pressed you closer to him, one of his hands secured you in place, as the other one held you by the neck, squeezing softly.
"Should be what?" He breathed, the constant slapping of your flesh made the chair to bounce.
"A bit more chill" you whimpered and nearly came undone as he poked repeatedly at that spot that made you sputter an array of lewd curses.
His cock twitched, a bit too drunk on the sensation you provided to his relief. He bit your shoulder as his thrust turned slower and sloppier, you came first, and he just followed. Your walls were painted white as he squeezed your throat and then he released you.
You whimpered and exhaled, soft raged pants turning into a small giggle.
"What?" He breathed and looked at your shaking form
"Nothing. Feel better?"
His eyes drooped in exhaustion, the good sort of tiredness and chuckled.
"Maybe."
"I might drop by more often, to see if you're stressed."
"You must. That's an order."
"Yes, sir."
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@elfwoodfae
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blackhairedjjun · 3 months
Text
rebound and restoration
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pairing: choi yeonjun x fem reader | genre / tropes: angst -> fluff, friends to lovers, post-breakup, non-idol au; ft. soobin + mentions of the rest of txt; reader is yeonjun's age (soobin calls reader "noona") | word count: 5.4k | warnings: post-breakup heartbreak, profanity, food, kissing
additional note: fic is mostly written but contains a few texts
summary: with his heart still aching after just getting dumped, yeonjun turns to you, one of his closest friends, for comfort. that is, until he kisses you - and your friendship starts to change.
author's notes: honestly i feel like if i don't post this soon i'll be dissatisfied with it forever and edit it endlessly and it'll never get past my drafts LOL perfect is the enemy of done!! anyway i wrote this while i was feeling stressed and insane during the holidays and wanted... an angsty kiss for whatever reason. lmao yeah
(support by reblogging banner by @cafekitsune)
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when yeonjun arrives at your apartment, it’s still early in the evening; the two bowls of pho you ordered for takeout are still hot, and you’ve left your laptop open at a selection of cheesy netflix rom-coms. perhaps the selection is a bit ironic, but you mused that the feel-good escapism is just what he needs.
he pulls you into a hug and you give him an extra squeeze and a few pats on the back. you can’t help but ruffle his hair a little as he pulls away. 
“hey, jjun...”
“y/n!”
“how are you feeling?”
“ah, a bit better, i think.”
he gives you a slight smile, and you’re too relieved to notice that it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. it’s a miracle to you that he’s even smiling again two weeks after his breakup. you still remember the cracks in his voice when he called you after it had happened, the rims of his eyes red with crying when he finally crashed at your place half an hour later. that night you held him tight as he told the story to you in between sobs: hana had broken up with him over a call that lasted less than a minute. she was bored and tired of him and just stopped caring, she said, if he were a toy she could throw away if she didn’t want to play with it anymore.
you swallowed back the anger in your throat back then, though you couldn’t help the tears of your own that fell. now you push the anger back down again as you lead yeonjun to the small table at your kitchenette, one of the bowls of pho steaming in front of him. now is not the time for indignation; your friend needed comfort, and it’s comfort you will give.
yeonjun’s eyes light up at the sight of the pho. your heart swells, and you don’t hold it against him when he sits down ahead of you and picks up his chopsticks, ready to dig in. in between slurps he grins like he’s just received the best present of his life. “this is so good!” he said in between mouthfuls of noodles. “it’s been way too long since i had this.”
“i know! feels like we haven’t had this in ages.”
“remember when we tried to make our own?”
“oh god, not that!” you laugh, dropping your chopsticks. “we got impatient and that broth tasted like nothing.”
“your kitchen smelled like ginger though,” yeonjun recalls with a giggle. “it was nice visiting for a while.”
“my kitchen smelled like ginger more than the actual broth, jjun.”
“maybe we can try again one of these days? and if we mess up, at least you’ll have a nice-smelling kitchen again.”
all you can do in response is laugh, and for a moment you forget that you stopped having pho nights together when hana entered his life.
he fills you in on video game night with soobin and kai, shopping with beomgyu, and his so-called revenge gym day with taehyun; he beams with pride while describing his new weight record just as much as he does when talking about managing a hard-earned victory over soobin at tekken. you laugh along with him, knowing that his friends blocked out their schedules just to comfort him for a day. and when you talk about your new project at work and the new books you bought yourself as a treat, his eyes fill with that indescribable look you’ve seen before. you can’t quite place what it is, but it reminds you of afternoon light, of summer days, of lingering hugs after a long day together.
you don’t need to ask for yeonjun to help you clear out the table and pick up the snacks you set aside for your movie, and you make no effort to resist. there are no words exchanged: he simply places all the disposable pho bowls and chopsticks together, and you reach for a clean garbage bag and put them all in. the only communication between you is a shared look and a nod.
perhaps it’s just your imagination, but that look lingers a little longer than you’re used to, and you can’t help but give him a satisfied smile.
you’ve seen him look at hana that way, too many times to count, especially during that early-dating phase when the thrill of emotions was still high. you wondered what it was like to be on the receiving end of that gaze, for yeonjun to look at you as if you were the most precious thing in the world. and you wondered if hana really was that precious 一 if she were just as precious to him as you, his best friend, if not more so.
you let yeonjun select the movie. at first you doubt your idea to present him with rom-coms, of all things, but you let out a sigh of relief when he happily chooses one of them. both of you have seen this one many times over, but you don’t mind. there’s comfort in knowing that a happy ending is guaranteed to happen.
the two of you are slouched on your couch together, the laptop balanced on a pillow between the both of you. yeonjun sits close to you, an arm around your shoulder, a gesture that he hasn’t done with you since he started dating. you let yourself lean against him (so that you can see the screen better, you tell yourself). the two of you start a running commentary on the movie 一 “why would he say that?!” “aww, they look so cute together,” “oh god, that was so stupid!” 一 and both of your laughter fills the apartment, the sound like a duet in harmony.
it’s so easy this way, you think 一 just you and your best friend in your own little corner of the world. you steal a glance at yeonjun while he’s absorbed in the final confession scene, a soft smile on his lips and his eyes gleaming with anticipation for the big kiss. a string of memories flash before you before you can help yourself.
“she said yes,” he says, his whole face flush with excitement. “she said she’ll be mine.”
his hands are on your shoulders and he gives them a gentle squeeze. “there’s no way hana can’t like you. you’re one of my best friends, i’ll make sure you get along.”
“i think hana’s mad at me,” he tells you as he fiddles with the beanie in his hands. “but don’t worry about it, we’ll talk it out, i promise.”
his head is in his hands as you sit across him from a restaurant booth. “i don’t know what i did wrong, she looked so bored through the whole date...”
you hold him close as he sobs in your arms, his whole body shaking. “sh-she said she’s... tired of me…”
“y/n?”
you snap back to reality as yeonjun glances at you, his head tilted. the ending credits of the movie have started to play. “are you okay?”
“i-i’m fine.” you reach out to touch his cheek, then hesitate. “are you okay?”
“i’m fine, y/n.” he picks up on the meaning of your words. “i know i looked really bad that night, but i’m getting better, i promise.”
“good.” your eyes meet his, and your cheeks grow warm. “we can have nights like this as many times as you want until you feel better, okay?”
“yeah, i know. i missed having nights like this, actually.”
“me too. i really liked it when we did this all the time...”
“i know. i’m sorry. hana didn’t like一”
“hey.” your hand comes up again and this time, you gently hold on to his cheek. “it doesn’t matter what she thinks anymore.”
“y/n... i’m really sorry. i feel like i neglected you, and you’ve been my friend for so long...”
tears form in his eyes, and you feel them warm against his cheek. you wipe them away with your thumb as you move closer to him. he continues to ramble as you do.
“i feel like an idiot. like a total dumbass.” the pitch of his voice begins to rise. “god, i was so convinced that hana and i were the perfect couple, that we’d be happy. i-i thought about her more than she d-did about me, y/n, and i stopped hanging out with you一 when you’ve always一”
“jjun, please don’t apologize anymore,” you say, your voice trembling. “i’ve never been mad at you over her, not even once. i just want you to feel better, okay? i... i just want to see you be yourself again.”
you want to see the yeonjun you’ve always loved.
you’ve lain awake at night wondering if he’s ever sensed your feelings for him, and if he’s ever felt the same way. on the day he told you that he and hana were officially together, you spent that night sobbing in your bed, convinced that your friend would never see you as a lover. and yet you said nothing of that night, and of other nights similar to it, because you told yourself that if hana made him happy, then you would be happy too.
and now you want more than anything to see him happy again.
yeonjun says nothing, but instead places a hand on top of the one you have resting on his cheek. you feel it trembling, but you don’t resist as he grasps your hand to intertwine his fingers with yours. he swallows hard to push back the rest of his tears, and his eyes soften. once again there’s that indescribable look of his that makes you feel light.
“y/n...”
he says your name softly, as if in reverence. his face inches closer to yours and you don’t pull away; instead you feel lighter than ever, your gaze falling to his lips as your eyes flutter shut. everything that follows feels slow, gentle; his nose brushing against yours, then your lips on his.
he kisses you slowly at first, but as you kiss him back you fill with a new fervor, wrapping your arms around his neck and letting him wrap his arms around your waist to pull your body flush against his. warmth blooms in your chest, and every movement of yours betrays your feeling: your lips moving against his, your hands making their way into his hair. you want to kiss him until the pain he feels has been replaced by the love you have for him 一 i love you, i love you, i love you.
you’re completely absorbed in him and let out a soft sigh when yeonjun snaps out of it 一 he breaks apart from you, breathing hard, eyes wide as he’s hit by what he’s just done.
“shit, y/n一” he gets off the couch, one hand running through his hair over and over again. “i’m so sorry. fuck, i shouldn’t have done that一”
you’re snapped out of your trance as you stand up to chase after him. “jjun, hey, wait! listen to me—”
he’s picking up his bag from the foot of your couch. he can’t even look at you, instead occasionally letting out a shit or two under his breath.
“yeonjun, please一”
you stand in front of him to block his way from the exit. at first his head is bowed, avoiding your gaze, but when he finally looks up his expression is solemn.
“you are not a rebound to me,” he says at last. “please don’t ever think that i just used you to make me feel better.”
“i never accused you of that! look, i’m sorry too, it was my fa一”
“i’m really sorry, but i can’t stay here anymore. i’ll make it up to you, y/n, i promise.”
“wait一”
yeonjun walks past you and before you can protest any further, he’s out your door. you push it open and try to chase after him, but after a few steps you stop, thinking better of it. what would stopping him even do?
you walk back inside and slump back down on the couch. the screen of your laptop faintly glows, and a half-eaten bag of chips has fallen to the floor. all at once the reality of what happens sinks into you: the kiss, his words, his departure.
you are not a rebound to me. the words echo in your mind.
a strange tension fills you, and you can’t even tell what emotion it’s supposed to be from: confusion, frustration, anxiety. with your whole body seemingly on edge, you grab a throw pillow from the opposite side of your couch and press it into your face.
you sob into it the tension crashes down on you in full force.
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for the next few nights the scene replays in your dreams: yeonjun leaning in ever closer towards you, your lips meeting his in a fervent kiss 一 each night’s dream-kiss more fervent than the last 一 and him suddenly pulling away. you awaken each time just as he breaks the kiss, the shock and confusion coursing through you again, and immediately after you reach for your bedside table to check your phone.
still no text from yeonjun.
you consider texting him again, but each time you type a new message you erase it, the blinking cursor driving you mad. how would you even know what to say? do you want to apologize? to beg for his forgiveness? to ask if you can still be friends?
you hate to admit it, but every morning you lie in bed for a few moments more to allow the dream to sink in. the look on yeonjun’s face appears vivid to you, from his eyes blown wide to his mouth slightly agape. your mind travels back to the moment he breaks the kiss, as if a sudden force pushed him away, the shock of it hitting you. then it wanders to the kiss itself, the feeling of his lips soft against your own, his arms warm as they hold you by the waist…
you shake the memory away, drag yourself out of bed, and continue on with your routine: breakfast, shower, get dressed. you resist the urge to check your phone for as long as you can. you stare at the little contact photo you set of yeonjun and remind yourself: you’re his friend. you need to help him heal. 
you recount your worries to soobin over snacks one day.
“i feel like i’m being selfish,” you say in between munches of potato chips. “he hasn’t even moved on from hana”— soobin winces at the acridity you mutter her name with—“and now one of his closest friends kisses him like she’s madly in love. how is he supposed to move on? he’s hurting enough as it is.”
soobin sets aside the bag of chips you just finished. he rubs his face with his hands as he tries to choose his words carefully.
“you’re not being selfish, noona. you sound like you’re trying to be careful so that you don’t hurt him,” he says at last. “and yeonjun hyung feels just as bad about it. he feels bad that he even started the kiss, and for making you feel like a rebound. you two sound like each other, to be honest.”
“i know he feels bad, it’s just 一 i don’t know how that will fix...” you wave your hands wildly in the air, “this.”
“you can start by talking to each other?”
“he didn’t reply to my last texts. and i… i don’t know if i should text him again.”
a moment of silence. soobin opens a pack of candy and chews on it, just to give himself time to think. he fiddles with his phone as he does, absentmindedly scrolling through his old texts, when one of them catches his eye.
“so, there’s this new restaurant that beomgyu wants to check out.”
“really, soobin, what does this have to—”
“he was thinking of inviting all of us there to hang out,” he continues. “including you and yeonjun hyung. we can plan for it a week or two from now so that you have space? and then you can get used to talking to him again there. if things get awkward, i can ask beomgyu to fill in.”
you purse your lips. “i dunno, i might cry if i see his face again.”
“if you don’t feel like it, just call in sick.” soobin’s mouth twitches into a small grin as he says it — you know he’s used that excuse to get away from social situations he doesn’t want to be in. now you’re starting to see the appeal of it.
“okay. i’ll think about it.”
ultimately you do decide to go, and two weeks later you’re the first to arrive at the restaurant. you can feel your hands trembling as you push the door open and your heart hammering in your chest. in your head you’ve prepared what you want to say to yeonjun and you mentally rehearse your words for the hundredth time.
you slide right into the booth and take a deep breath. you check your phone to keep yourself busy, letting yourself calm down until your hands have stopped shaking. as you’re scrolling through your camera roll looking at some memes beomgyu sent you, someone slides into the booth seat opposite yours.
“hey, y/n.”
yeonjun gives you a shy smile and the nervousness in your stomach kicks into overdrive. he looks much better now; the bags under his eyes have lessened, and his smile seems genuine. still, you can’t help but remember the last time you saw him, and you shudder.
he sees your reaction and winces, averting his gaze. when he speaks, his voice is soft. “y/n... are we okay?”
the question breaks you and whatever words you have prepared fly out of your mind. as you try to grasp at them again, tears prick at your eyes.. “yeah... yeah, we’re okay,” you say. you take a gulp of water to hold back the tears. “i was never mad at you, jjun, i’ve been worried out of my mind一”
“i’m sorry i never replied to your texts.” he places his hands atop your trembling ones. “i just felt so ashamed that i didn’t know how to face you.”
“and i’m sorry i never tried texting you again, i just didn’t know what you thought of me, and i was so scared that i lost you...”
“i was so scared that i lost you.”
you sniffle. “that makes both of us then. god, we were so stupid.”
“i missed you, y/n.”
“i missed you too, jjun.”
you let out a laugh of relief and he laughs too. with the sound of his laughter melding with yours, everything else seems to melt away: the tears in your eyes, the other noises of the restaurant, the baggage of the last two weeks. sitting before you is your old friend, holding onto your hand to comfort you, laughing together with you just like you always have. 
and just as always, you want nothing more than for your friend to be happy.
“so,” you begin, giving him the most reassuring smile that you can muster, “let’s start over?”
yeonjun glances down at the table, but you can see his eyes crinkling as they usually do when he smiles. “yeah, let’s do that.”
when beomgyu enters the restaurant right afterwards, all it takes is one glance at the scene before him to understand what happened. he turns his head towards you, meeting your gaze, and you give him a nod.
it’s going to be okay.
the kiss becomes an unspoken part of your history together, never mentioned and never acknowledged. you stop searching for hidden meanings to it, and instead settle on the explanation that it was simply a spur-of-the-moment reaction from pent-up post-breakup emotions. it doesn’t matter to you whether or not this explanation is true; it’s the explanation that gives you the most peace of mind, and that’s what matters. as the days pass, you think of it less and less, and eventually it is filed away in your memory, like a book never checked out of the library collecting dust. 
in the meantime, you pour your energy into rebuilding both your friendship with yeonjun as well as his fragile heart. the first few hangouts with just the two of you are awkward with a tinge of melancholy, with conversations feeling a little too short. fortunately, your shared friends are there to help: you and yeonjun are invited to video game nights at soobin’s, or a cute new cafe that kai wants to check out, or just a walk around the park. the silences feel less awkward when it’s quickly filled by a joke from beomgyu or witty remark from taehyun.
from time to time you see the shine in yeonjun’s eyes disappear, even for just a moment, when he encounters something that reminds him of “the ‘h’ word” (as beomgyu refers to her): a park bench where they had a date, or a dress on a passerby that looks a lot like something she would wear. sometimes one of his friends would recognize it and quickly divert his attention elsewhere. soon those diversions occur less and less often as fewer and fewer things remind yeonjun of her.
but things don’t truly feel normal to you until a month and a half later. your project at work has gone well, and yeonjun has completed the first draft of a mixtape he’s making. just as you muse to yourself that a reward would be nice, your phone buzzes.
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that afternoon you and yeonjun stroll down the shopping district a few minutes away from his house, trying on this and that. it isn’t long before you find yourself spending over your budget; it’s hard not to when yeonjun is constantly egging you to buy something you really want. “c’mon, y/n,” he whines as you put back another cute button-down on the rack. “you deserve it! you can wear it to work for the next phase of your project!”
he giggles when he sees your eyes light up at his words. “we do have another presentation for it,” you muse.
still, you draw the line when you spot an elegant tan jacket worn by one of the storefront mannequins. you stare at it longingly as if you’ve found your soulmate, and yeonjun sweet-talks you into entering the shop and trying it on. but when you see the hefty price tag on it, you sigh.
“i can’t justify this, jjun…”
“but you look great in it! and you want it so much. you’ll feel worse if you don’t get it.”
“maybe…” you glance down at the shopping bags in your hand. “i dunno, i’ve spent so much already.”
you sigh in defeat and turn back to the store exit before you can second-guess yourself. yeonjun doesn’t follow immediately, but instead watches you go as he lingers a bit longer.
later that day, the two of you sort through all the things you bought (mostly clothes and accessories, but also a vinyl for yeonjun and a novel for yourself) in between giggles and wide eyes and a shower of compliments. yeonjun puts on a completely new outfit for you and struts down his apartment like a runway model, and he pulls you up from the floor to do the same. soon you’re laughing and clapping at each other’s performances, and yeonjun even whips out his phone to take photos of each other’s best looks.
as you rummage through your haul for one more outfit to assemble, your eyes land on a familiar spot of tan fabric. your mouth falls open when you pull it out and see that jacket — the one you’re pretty sure you didn’t buy. you glance up at yeonjun and he licks his lips before forming a mischievous grin.
“jjun, is this...”
“it’s yours.”
“you didn’t have to一”
“i saw the way you were looking at it, y/n. i just had to get it for you. c’mon, put it on.”
hesitantly, you take off the jacket you’re already wearing and put on the new one. it fits perfectly, just a little loose to let air flow in, and you love how it frames your figure. yeonjun is still smiling at you, but it’s a different smile. he looks at you as if you’ve transformed in front of him.
“you look really pretty,” he says. “let me take a few pics, okay?”
he snaps a few photos of you and you pose for the camera, and a comforting warmth settles over you. if this happened a few months earlier, you would have blushed and your heart would be doing somersaults, but now all you feel is a light flutter. everything feels fit in, like the final piece of a puzzle slotting into place.
you lock eyes with yeonjun as he takes the last photo and puts his phone away. as you whisper “thank you” to him, the gleam in his eyes is reflected in your own. there it is, that indecipherable look of his that makes you feel warm.
you still love him 一 there’s a part of you that still knows that. but over the last month and a half you’ve simply learned to live with your feelings, letting them fill you with lightness for a few moments and then letting them go. feelings or not, you’re just glad to have yeonjun in your life again. even as a friend, his presence is a soothing balm against the stresses of life.
months later, yeonjun is sprawled on your couch again, his head on your shoulder as you scroll through your list of rom-coms on your laptop. at one point the two of you resumed your pho and rom-com nights, and you’re glad for it; few things give you as much comfort after a long week of work.
after scrolling back and forth a few times, you pause on the same movie you’ve always watched together and give him a quick look. he simply smiles.
“don’t you get sick of this one?” you ask.
“not really, the ending always feels nice. are you… tired of it?”
“no no, i— i was worried that you’re tired of it.”
“me? never.”
“perfect, ‘cause i’m not either.” you give him a knowing grin and press play.
at this point you both know this movie so well that you recite along to every line. you do the female lead’s lines, yeonjun does the male lead’s, and you even sing along to the soundtrack. yeonjun stretches out on your couch even more, his head ending up in your lap, and in the movie’s quiet moments you find yourself playing with his hair. when the big confession happens you can feel him holding his breath and then releasing it in a laugh when the two leads finally kiss.
the credits roll and he glances up at you, smiling in satisfaction. you smile too and hum along to the end credits song. as the movie ends, you let yourself bask in it: you stretch out your arms, yeonjun sits up to lean on your shoulder again, and you lay your head atop his. the two of you remain like that for a while, sitting in comfortable silence.
“don’t you ever get jealous of them?” you ask.
you feel his head shake a bit as he chuckles. “i hate to admit it, but yeah. rom-coms always make getting together look so... fun.”
“right? i wish my life was like that.”
“god, me too.”
“i swear, it drives me insane,” you huff. “every time i watch this i want to start dating again or something.”
a few more moments of silence. yeonjun lets out a soft exhale and you feel his body grow tense. the air in your apartment seems stuffier.
“speaking of which, i have to tell you something.” 
“me...?”
you’ve never heard yeonjun sound so solemn. his head weighs down on your shoulder. “y’know, i’ve been uh... thinking of dating again.”
“oh... where are you dating this time? did beomgyu set you up again?”
he shakes his head, looks up at you for a split second, then looks down at his hands. you see the tips of his ears turn pink.
“actually, i... i have someone mind. someone i want to ask out, i mean.”
with those words the feelings you’ve brushed aside for so long come back in full force. your heart beats so hard it feels like it’s slamming into your chest. when you speak, your voice shakes.
“oh... who’s the lucky one?”
“i-i’ve known her for a while. she’s sweet and fun to be around... we’ve been hanging out a lot more often these last few months. we get along really well, at least i think we do...”
“sounds like you have chemistry with this special girl,” you say, the words heavy on your tongue. the hammering of your heart floods your ears. “so what’s stopping you from asking her out?”
yeonjun sits up to face you fully. you sense the effort it takes for him to look at you 一 has he ever been like this around you before? 一 and you reach for his hands. they’re trembling, and his ears go from pink to red.
“a long time ago,” he starts, voice shaking, “i kissed her. i kissed her after my last breakup. and i wasn’t thinking straight, i was just so lonely that i wanted to be loved again 一 but i can’t do that to yo— to her, she’s one of my best friends, i don’t want yo— her to be a rebound 一 but then you said we could start over so we did and i dunno, at one point i started liking you, i fell so hard i don’t know wh一”
you interrupt him with a kiss, your lips gentle on his. you feel him kissing you back, his movements gentle as his hand comes up to hold your head in place. you find yourself pressed against him and he’s even warmer than you remember, warmer than those dreams you had so many months ago.
when you break apart, his eyes are glazed over in a look of pure admiration. 
“y/n...”
“jjun, i...” heat spreads across your face. “i’ve loved you for years.”
“then why didn’t you say anything?”
“how could i? what if you didn’t feel that way and it ruined our friendship? and with all the other guys too?” your heart is still beating fast but you let out the words while your boldness still has a hold on you. “and then you dated hana and i cried but i wanted you to be happy 一 then you broke up and you kissed me and i liked it, and i hated myself for liking it because you were 一”
yeonjun pulls you into him, arms encircling you, and as you keep rambling into his chest he soothes you with one hand combing through your hair. his other arm grips you firmly, and your own arms find a firm hold around his neck.
“i love you too, y/n,” he whispers into your hair before leaving a kiss there. “it’s okay.”
“i love you, so much...”
he pulls apart to get a good look at your face. as he sees a few tears start to roll down your cheeks, he brushes them aside with his thumb.
“so this girl,” he says, affection lacing his words, “after we kissed, she said we could start over. and we did. and i’m really glad we did, because i fell for h一 for you so hard.”
you lean your head forward so that your forehead touches his. “really?”
“really. and i...”
“do you want to kiss her again?”
yeonjun’s breath hitches and his eyes meet yours. there it is 一 that same look of his that makes you feel light. the one that, you realize, makes you feel loved.
“can i?”
“please,” you whisper.
he closes the gap between your lips and his, and this time you feel only relief and bliss.
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wlntrsldler · 23 days
Text
poisoned mercury | close as strangers (post chb)
a/n: okayyyy so i didn't give them an angst ending but i had to give into the angst monster at least once for this series so here's a bonus chapter for poisoned mercury. miscommunication galore. long distance is hard! two dumbasses in love!
song: close as strangers by 5sos
series masterlist | previous | next
"i'll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?" luke whispered, trying not to wake his bandmates up. the tour bus was large enough to house them while they were on the road, but it didn't really give the privacy he hoped for. chris was just across the narrow walkway from him and luke could hear his soft snores through the thin curtain that separated them. 
luke felt his heart hammering in his chest when you didn't reply to him. he could still hear your breaths through the phone and you were just talking to him a second ago, so he knew you were still awake. you both had equally busy lives which meant that your phone calls were getting shorter and shorter each day. luke knew it was because you were booked with school and tournaments for field hockey and he was always exhausted after each meeting now that the band was working on their second album. luke knew all of this, but it didn't stop him from missing you. he was lucky to get a ten-minute call with you nowadays. 
"baby?" he tried again, chewing on his bottom lip. he turned to face the ceiling of his bunk, the light from his phone casting a shadow on his face as he waited for you to say something. anything. "can i call you tomorrow?" 
you sighed, "i don't know, luke. i have a busy day. it's a travel game tomorrow so i don't know if i'll be up late." 
"oh," he cleared his throat, trying to hide his disappointment. he felt a little stupid that there were tears pooling in his eyes. so you can't talk tomorrow, it shouldn't be a big deal, right? except that luke felt like you were pulling away from him. little by little. and he didn't know how to stop it. it wasn't like he could drop everything to show up at your doorstep and fix things with you. if it was up to him, he would do it in a heartbeat, but you'd probably get mad at him for it, for abandoning his responsibilities as the lead singer of the most popular band in the world. not to mention the boys would be livid and mr. d and his mom would be equally furious. 
"sorry, maybe next week?" 
"yeah, sure," he replied, thankful that you weren't on facetime tonight. he didn't want you to see his face. "alright, i'll let you get some rest. go kill it tomorrow. g'night, five star." 
"goodnight," you said, ending the call as soon as the last syllable left your lips. 
luke groaned quietly, tossing his phone on the foot of his bed. he knew long distance was going to be difficult. it's been months since he last saw you, months since he was at camp half blood, sleeping in your bed and waking up to the feeling of your lips peppering kisses on his face. maybe he shouldn't have gotten so attached so fast, but it wasn't like he had a choice in the matter. 
he got out from his bunk, tucking his feet into his slippers and made his way to the living room area of the bus. he sat on the couch, peering out the window to watch the empty roads ahead. they were on their way to nashville to meet with a producer that mr. d recommended. the second album was almost done, but it was missing something and none of them wanted to put out a record that didn't meet their expectations. 
mr. d was already in tennessee waiting for them. he'd flown in from houston a few days ago with luke's mom and the rest of the poisoned mercury team while the boys were in atlanta for a movie premiere. they decided that a road trip was needed to de-stress after the glitz and buzz of the red carpet. it was nice to have some alone time with the boys. in their tour bus, luke felt like they were back in connecticut, just four friends fucking around, writing music, and eating junk food until their stomachs hurt. 
he turned on the tv, switching to some random channel that he wasn't paying attention to. he just needed some noise to drown out his thoughts, but that didn't seem to work. all he could think of was you, his five star, and how much he missed you. luke wondered if you were having second thoughts about this whole thing. maybe he'd been too optimistic about things; maybe you weren't on the same page as he was; maybe you realized that it was too difficult to be with him. 
a shiver ran down his spine as he spiraled into his thoughts. admitting to himself that something was wrong between the two of you left a bitter taste in his mouth because he didn't want to believe it. he saw you as his endgame, like nobody else in the world could compare to you, and to think that you may not feel the same about him... well, it was a difficult pill to swallow.
he wondered if he came on too strong, showed his cards too early, and seemed too clingy and lovestruck before it was deemed appropriate. you'd only been together, officially at least, for four months, most of which were long distance, but luke knew he was a goner for you way before that. 
he silently cursed as the chill of the december air hit his skin. he should've worn a hoodie. he grabbed the small throw blanket draped over the armchair and placed it around his shoulders. he wished he got to see you over thanksgiving break because maybe you two wouldn't be in this rocky situation right now, but your coach ordered you and clarisse to stay on campus over break to sharpen your skills since you missed summer training. luke and chris were less than pleased with the idea, but they knew it was out of their control. 
luke fell asleep on the couch that night after succumbing to the tiredness in his body. the sun was beginning to rise by the time his eyelids fluttered shut. he hoped that he'd wake up to a text from you, but when he woke up to the sound of the bus screeching to a halt in nashville, he realized it was the hope that kills. 
-
“are you guys going to the fall concert?” silena asked, poking her head out of the bathroom. she was part of the planning committee for the unc fall semester concert and she’d been stressing over the logistics of it for weeks. 
“lena, if we even tried to miss it, you’d kill us,” clarisse chuckled, putting on a coat of mascara. “you’ve been talking about this since we got back.” 
the three of you were getting ready in your dorm. you and clarisse were roommates this year, thank gods for athlete privileges, and silena lived in the building next door in a single since she was an ra. how she had the time to be an ra, be a member of the music festival planning committee, and be a full-time student was truly beyond your comprehension. 
“lena, calm down. it’ll be good,” you squeezed her shoulders as you passed by behind her, grabbing your lipgloss from the counter. “and even if it sucks, half the people in the crowd are either drunk or high or both and will probably not remember it.” 
“true,” she snorted, curling the final piece of her hair. she unplugged her hair curler and gave herself one last look in the mirror, “i’ll see you guys there? i gotta go make sure shit didn’t hit the fan.” 
you and clarisse nodded as silena said her goodbyes. you dabbed on some lipgloss, glancing down at your phone every few seconds. clarisse side-eyed you, unable to hide her smile, “you waitin’ for a text?” 
“shut up,” you rolled your eyes at her teasing tone. she didn't really know that your relationship was a little muddy at the moment. you weren’t the best at talking about your feelings and it felt wrong to talk about your relationship drama when clarisse and chris seemed to be going strong. “they’re supposed to land in los angeles ten minutes ago.” 
“their flight probably got delayed, y/n,” she replied, “happens all the time.” 
“no, i know, but just wanna make sure they’re safe, y’know?” 
clarisse crossed her arms over her chest, “they’re safe or he’s safe?” 
you ignored her question, opting to busy yourself with the weather app on your phone to avoid any follow-up questions, “how are you not checking your phone for a text from chris right now?” 
she shrugged, “he always knocks out on long flights so i don’t expect a text until he gets to their hotel.” 
“how are you and chris, by the way? i know we live together and shit, but i feel like we haven’t gotten to talk about it in detail since we’re always so tired from school and practice.” 
“we’re good,” clarisse hummed, “just miss him loads, though. i haven’t seen him since we left camp– what? four, almost five, months ago?” 
you were in the same boat, kind of. you and luke hadn’t seen each other in months and you were getting antsy. they’d been on the road for the past few months, meeting with producers and fulfilling their contractual obligations. they hadn’t been in a set location long enough for you to be able to fly out to see luke, even just for a weekend. 
at first, there were movie dates where you’d order each other food and eat and watch the movie on facetime together. there were weekly phone calls and daily texts, but nothing compares to the real thing. being with luke in person was something that you were craving. camp half blood spoiled you with having him all for yourself and now that you were back in school and he’s out in the world, it was beginning to weigh on you. 
you missed him. a lot. 
you missed kissing him and feeling his lips break out into a smile when you’d mumble something stupid. you missed feeling his arms around you, hugging you from behind while you got ready for the day. you even missed waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of him scribbling random lyrics on pieces of scrap paper he found in your room when he slept over. 
long distance is hard and sure, luke wouldn’t be the type to cheat or do anything to jeopardize your relationship, but it still didn’t stop a knot from forming in your stomach every time a picture of him or the band popped up on your social media with a gorgeous singer, actor, or model that they ran into on the red carpet. what if he realizes one day that he wants someone who lives the same life as him? wild and adventurous, not tied down by school or sports? 
a part of you felt silly for being so insecure about things. it was too early in the relationship to have this conversation, isn’t it? you knew that your avoidance of the topic was starting to affect your relationship with luke, as much as you wished it didn’t, but what if the minute you voice your concerns, he’ll realize that being with you was more than he bargained for? after all, you weren’t the same five star with all the time in her hands, care-free, and relaxed that he met at camp. there was a chance that luke would call it quits on this if you said anything and it felt like too big of a risk to take. 
your phone buzzed on the counter, indicating a text.
from: luke <3 
‘landed and jetlagged. gonna sleep for a few. enjoy the concert babe!’ 
you hearted the message and slipped your phone into your back pocket after sending him a quick goodnight text. the three dots popped up for a second, then in a blink, they disappeared. read at 8:43 pm. 
“you ready?” 
you snapped out of your thoughts at the sound of clarisse’s voice. you nodded and grabbed your small purse before heading out the door. you ran into a group of your teammates who were heading to the amphitheater across campus for the concert. the walk seemed to fly by as they cracked jokes and shared stories about random things. you stayed silent for the most part, only laughing along when it seemed like the right time, but your mind was somewhere else. your mind was in los angeles. 
by the time you got to the venue, you and clarisse separated from the group to enter the vip tent, courtesy of silena. a small crowd was beginning to form in front of the stage, taking up the grassy field. charlie was already at the tent, sipping on an ipa when he saw the two of you. his face broke out into a wide smile, giving you and clarisse a quick hug before leading you to the seats he saved. 
“season’s looking promising for you guys, charlie,” you commented, accepting the high noon he offered. “the team’s looking good out there.” 
“thanks,” he beamed, “don’t think we’re on the level of national champs just yet like you guys, but we’re trying!” 
“you guys are doing great,” clarisse chimed in, “the energy in the stadium is electric this year. makes me love college.” 
“are you telling me the papers and tests aren’t what makes you love college, la rue?” charlie teased. 
she snorted, “oh yeah, because i just love staying up until 1 am writing a paper on greek mythology for classics 101.”
the three of you fell into a comfortable conversation about the class you were all taking. it was a prerequisite class that most athletes choose to take because the professor was flexible with deadlines when it came to athletes. it was helpful especially when a team has to play beyond their season for tournaments or championships. about ten minutes before the opening act got on stage, silena rushed into the tent.
“guys, please you need to come with me. i need your help,” she said frantically. she was nervously tugging on her ‘staff’ badge around her neck, already halfway out of the tent as she waited for the three of you to follow her. “please, it’s an emergency.” 
“woah, lena, what’s going on?” you asked, getting up to comfort her. you followed her through the crowd, grabbing clarisse’s hand to keep her close. 
silena shook her head, continuing her march through the sea of people, “just come with me, i’ll explain when we get backstage.” 
you and clarisse looked at each other, feeling bad for silena. she put in her blood, sweat, and tears into this concert and you knew that she would beat herself up over it if something went wrong. silena always put her all into the projects she’s passionate about, but sometimes things outside of her control happen and unfortunately, she blames herself for it. 
in the whirlwind of ‘excuse me’s’ and ‘sorry’s’, the four of you managed to make your way backstage. it was chaotic. people were running around everywhere making sure everything was set for the opening act. the girl who was opening the concert was waiting by the wings, her guitar strapped across her chest as she took some deep breaths. the crowd wasn’t full yet, but you knew that if you were in that position, you’d still be sweating buckets. going out there on stage to perform for strangers was nerve-racking. you didn’t know how luke did it. you admired that about him. 
“lena, are you gonna tell us what’s going on?” clarisse questioned, picking up the pace of her steps to match silena. 
silena stopped in front of a door, slowly turning to face you and clarisse. suddenly, her stressed facade faded as she twisted the doorknob, “why don’t you see for yourself?” 
if you weren’t so confused about what was going on, you would’ve seen charlie lift his can up to his lips to hide his smile at how proud he was of his girlfriend for her acting skills. when the door opened, your heart stopped. 
luke was here. 
he stood in the middle of the room beside chris with a nervous smile on his face. he was wearing a black leather jacket on top of a white tank top and black pants. his poisoned mercury chain hung from his neck, shining under the overhead lights. his hands were stuffed in his front pockets, shy and timid, as he waited for your reaction. 
clarisse screamed when it hit her that chris was actually here. she ran to him and nearly tackled him to the floor. chris wrapped his arms around his girlfriend and laughed as she giggled into his neck. the two of them shared a heartfelt reunion before rushing out of the room to get some privacy. the sound of the door shutting behind you made you blink.
luke cleared his throat, right hand scratching the back of his neck, “hey, five star.” 
the nickname brought you back to your senses. you ran to him, engulfing him in a tight hug with an ‘umph.’ at first, luke was tense under your touch, unsure if you’d be happy with his surprise, but quickly, he melted into you. he buried his face in the crook of your neck, sighing in content as your familiar scent surrounded him. he felt sparks coursing through his veins as you hugged him tighter and all he could think about was how good it felt to have you in his arms again. his mind was still reeling at your reaction. he didn’t expect you to run to him like this, especially not when it felt like you’d been avoiding his calls over the last few weeks. 
“what are you doing here?” you asked him, pulling away to hold his face in your hands. your eyes twinkled as you raked over his face, still in disbelief that he was actually in front of you. “you’re supposed to be in la.”
luke couldn’t stop the lopsided smile on his face, “well, i lied? we were in nashville recording with your dad and he mentioned that he didn’t schedule a session for us this weekend in case me and chris wanted to take a trip to north carolina, so here we are.” 
you ran your thumbs over his cheekbones, whispering, “here you are.” 
“god, i missed you so much,” he said, voice breaking. “you have no idea how hard it’s been.” 
you gulped, your hold on his face faltering a bit. if luke wasn’t on edge, he wouldn’t have noticed the falter in your step, but he felt the slight hesitation in your actions. your warm touch slowly peeled away from his face and he instantly regretted saying those words. here he goes being clingy again. he removed his hands from your waist, clearing his throat. he sat on the couch, motioning for you to sit beside him. he tried to keep his hands to himself when you left a space between the two of you. 
“i still can’t believe you’re really here,” you said, staring at him. you wanted to lean over and hold him in your arms again, but there was a weird tension in the air that made you feel queasy. “i feel like i’m dreaming right now.” 
“i hope you’re not mad that i’m here,” luke looked down at his lap, flexing his hands. he had to keep his hands busy or else he’d surely reach for yours and he didn’t want to come on too strong. he had to keep his distance. he didn’t want to scare you off any more than he already did. “there was just an opening in the schedule and i-i wanted to see you.” 
“i’m not mad at all.” 
“good, good,” he replied. silence. he forced himself to look up from his lap, twisting his body to face you. he bit his bottom lip, trying to build up the courage to ask his next question. “are we okay?” 
“we’re okay.” 
“okay because i feel like things have been different between us lately,” he pursed his lips, looking at you with sad eyes. his tongue poked out the corner of his lips, eyes darting between you and the wall behind you. “i don’t know. i feel like we haven’t talked in ages, y’know? and i know you’re busy and you have a great life here that i’m not really a part of, but uh, i wanna be, y’know? i don’t know much about school or field hockey, but it’s important to you and you’re important to me so i wanna hear about it.” 
he was met with more silence. luke continued, “maybe i’m asking for too much when i ask you to let me be a part of this life, but uh, i miss you? and i just feel like i’m losing you and that’s the last thing i want. so you gotta give me something, five star. tell me what i can do to be better.” 
“if you need me to back off, i’ll do it, you know? you call the shots. you tell me what you need from me, and i’ll do it, okay? i just– i can’t lose this. i don’t wanna lose you,” luke mumbled. “maybe this is all in my head too. i don’t know anymore.” 
you shuddered, lip quivering, “i feel like i’m holding you back.” 
“what?” 
“come on, luke,” you flicked away the tear that trickled down your cheek, “you’re out there in the world doing what you love. meeting new people. living your life and i don’t want to hold you back from that. we met each other when i didn’t have all these responsibilities and who i was at camp is not who i am here and i know you love those impromptu adventures and trips and spontaneity. a-and i can’t give that to you.” 
“you deserve someone who can live this life with you and i’m stuck here for two more years, luke. i can’t do that,” it was getting hard to breathe. your throat felt like it was closing up, cutting off your airflow. you’d been putting off this conversation for weeks. it didn’t feel right to talk about this over the phone, and you thought that you had a few more weeks to figure out what to say to him when you saw him for winter break, but he was here now. “you deserve more than facetime calls and text messages, and that’s all i can offer.” 
“is this–” he paused, licking his lips. “is this not what you want anymore?” 
“what?” 
“this, us? is this just not what you want anymore?” 
an involuntary laugh escaped you as you wiped under your eye, “castellan, i don’t think i could stop wanting you even if i wanted to. and you know when we first met, i really wanted to.” 
luke moved closer to you, just an inch or two, trying to gauge your reaction. you didn’t move away, which he took as a good sign, “i’m confused. why do you sound like you want to end this then?” 
“i don’t want you to settle for this,” you sighed, “i know what you deserve and it isn’t this.” 
“bullshit.” 
you furrowed your eyebrows, looking at him in disbelief, “what?” 
“i’m sorry, five star, but that’s bullshit,” a small smile was tugging on his lips. he reached over to place a hand over yours. his fingers traced your knuckles, running the pads of his fingers across the familiar ridges of your skin. “i don’t understand how after all this time you still don’t realize that all i want is you. it’s ridiculous, really.” 
“it’s ridiculous?” 
“it’s ridiculous,” he chuckled wetly. his other hand rubbed at his eyes, clearing his foggy vision. “our situation isn’t ideal, i know that, but i’d take long distance with you over anything else with anyone else. don’t you get it, five star? you’re it for me. if this isn’t what you want anymore, i’ll accept that. but if you’re only doing this because you don’t think i want this… five star, i want it all with you. long distance. phone calls. text messages. weekend trips when we can get them. distance has nothing on how i feel about you.” 
leave it to luke castellan to make you blush. you shyly looked at him, eyes twinkling with something more than either of you bargained for when you first met in that secret spot you call yours, “how do you feel about me?” 
“i’m not gonna say it right now because i don’t want to have the first time be while we’re in a fight,” luke laughed. the air was starting to clear. “but i have a feeling you know.” 
“i know,” you squeezed his hand three times, “i do too.” 
“will you put me out of my misery and kiss me please?” 
“always so fucking dramatic,” you scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes, but you leaned over and pressed your lips to his.
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beyond-a-name · 10 months
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I think the greatest political victory of anti-maskers here in Canada was shifting the focus of covid precautions from public responsibility to personal risk.
It's no longer about "My mask protects you; your mask protects me," or about keeping your neighbours or loved ones safe. Now it's only about "I'll wear it if it's crowded, otherwise I'm not that worried," and how much of a risk it is *to you*.
You see a lot of people who previously called anti-maskers idiots and would heap blame upon them, but now those same people all stopped wearing masks or taking precautions because "Vaccines are so effective now!" or "There's hardly any [reported] cases!" or "I'm tired of being scared," or "Well it's not going anywhere, and I'm tired of putting my life on pause." And it just becomes very clear that it wasn't ever actually about protecting those around you, (or if it was that it isn't now), but instead it was that everyone was just waiting until they could "start living again" or get back to "normal", and those people were angry because they thought someone was preventing them from living.
I thini that's the real root of it, is simply that most people never knew how to be alive in times of stress, that no matter how shit things get, you're alive and your life is right here and now.
But it's really hard to not read it as betrayal, as a childish selfishness, when someone doesn't wear a mask or do the bare minimum; because well, it's just very clear that it's not about the other people they're hurting, or pushing to the side, they can go back to stores and dance class and bars!!! There's even less people in wheelchairs clogging up the halls, or less people to serve their drinks or staff their business. It's all back to *normal!*
I've been in an abusive or tumultuous home basically all my life. If I decided that my life "started" when I wasn't stressed, I would discount my entire existence, it all just would have been "on pause". I still wear a mask. Everyone else is "back to normal".
It's just very clear that their idea of "normal" doesn't include you, or the people we lost, or the people now being pushed aside.
"Those at-risk will protect themselves," because the disabled and the old and children historically never need help, right? Get a grip. But don't worry, I know you don't feel too afraid to wear that mask that protects me and them, so I'm sure it's fine.
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