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#I'm not saying i can't contribute around the house more

transmutationisms · 9 months

Note

I have always been wary of the psychiatric industry, but its only very recently that i started to read anti-psychiatric works. Your blog is the first time i saw that the "chemical imbalances causing mental illness" is a myth, and honestly its something im having a hard time wrapping my head around.

Is it that mood regulation struggles, labelled as a mental illnesses, has more to do with outside factors instead of the person "just being that way"? Is it therefore unlikely for someone to have struggles with mood regulation if they cant identify any external causes that would cause them to be, for example, extremely agoraphobic or to have anger management issues? Im asking this for myself mainly, cause i always had intense agoraphobia no matter how i often go outside my home (in fact it was worse when i was a teen and i was outside the house in even more back then). I cant think of any reason for me to be like this than chemical imbalances in my brain.

the specific 'chemical imbalance' myth i was talking about in this post is the idea that depression is caused by low serotonin, and that therefore SSRIs—serotonin re-uptake inhibitors, ie drugs that cause a higher level of serotonin in the brain—ought to cure or at least ameliorate depression. this conjecture is belied by the fact that SSRIs don't, at a population level, reliably perform better than placebo.

although a neurobiological cause of 'mental illness' has long been the holy grail of psychiatry, the serotonin imbalance myth is far from the only hypothesis that psychiatrists and neuroscientists have proposed. so, a critique of the serotonin myth is not synonymous with, or generalisable to, a critique of every neurobiological mechanism purported to explain psychiatric diagnoses. you may be interested to know, though, that genomics and neuroscience have not identified a biological cause of any psychiatric diagnosis (p. 851).

all human experiences are biologically instantiated, including in the brain and wider nervous system. we are embodied beings. however, it is a leap to assume that such instantiation is automatically equivalent to a causal explanation or disease etiology. in other words, to deny that psychiatric diagnoses are known to be biologically caused does not mean we deny that thoughts and thought patterns express in the physical matter of neuroanatomy. this is a major philosophical sticking point to keep in mind whenever you're looking at something like, eg, a study that purports to show 'brain differences' in those assigned a certain psychiatric diagnosis. another thing to consider is whether these papers are plagued with methodological issues or financial conflicts of interest.

i can't possibly tell you why you exhibit agoraphobia. however, when i talk about social, economic, and environmental factors that may contribute to the patterns of behaviour labelled as 'mental illness', i'm talking about much more than the individual choice to leave your house. since phobias are 'anxiety disorders', i might start by probing into questions like: is the world you live in safe? do you perceive it as safe? do you or your community face existential threats that may confront you more obviously when you go outside? are you nervous around other people, and if so, might that be connected to fears (well-founded or not) about interpersonal violence and harm? do you think any of these anxieties may be connected to the hostility and inaccessible design of the social environment and economic conditions?

human behaviour and thought varies. some of those variations may be totally benign; others may be helpful or harmful to the person living with them. it would be weird if every single one of the 8 billion people on earth experienced precisely the same amount of anxiety about any situation, no? all of this is to say: yeah, it's entirely possible you have been, for one reason or another (genetic, neuroanatomical, social, &c) predisposed to experience high, even debilitating levels of anxiety when leaving your home. most human characteristics develop from a tangle of social, environmental, material causes—ie, from a combination of 'nature' and 'nurture'. what doesn't follow, though, is the claim that there is therefore a discrete, 'diseased' element of your brain or brain functioning that can simply be cured or eliminated through psychiatric intervention.

it is a critical point of anti-psychiatry to challenge psychiatric and neuroscientific claims to neurobiological determinism where psychiatric diagnoses are concerned. this is for many reasons, including: a) that these claims have not been demonstrated to actually be true [see above]; b) that they rob pathologised people of agency and self-determination [see: you're too sick to know you're sick, and the doctor will fix you now]; c) that they are often pushed by pharmaceutical companies with financial interests, or grant-funded researchers with... financial interests; d) that they are politically seductive in various eugenic, hereditarian discourses that seek to eliminate the biologically 'unfit' element from society.

#psychiatry

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seospicybin · 5 months

Text

TOO HOT TO HANDLE.

PART III

Han x reader. (s)

Too Hot To Handle masterlist

Synopsis: You and Han become contestants in a reality dating show, Too Hot To Handle. (14,1k words)

Author's note: Despite my hectic rl, I finally finished season 4! Thank you for tuning in this far with me ❤️

HAN: Why did I have that wank? [Facepalms]

The group has lost another $10,000 and Han contributed $4,000 to that

It doesn't make him feel good letting everyone know that he rubbed one out in the shower earlier but also to everyone who will watch this show.

He wants to book a flight home immediately and never comes out of the house.

Han feels the need to apologize to you for what he did and worse is, not telling you about it. It's hard to get privacy so he waits until everyone leaves the dressing room to do that.

As you sit on your chair brushing your hair, he places a kiss on the top of your head, "Hi, nugget!"

You don't reply but keep untangling your hair with your fingers so he sits on the chair next to you, patiently waiting for you to soften around him.

After a moment, you look at him and softly sigh, "I can't believe you did that."

He hurriedly holds your hand to not let you go from his side, "I know," he meekly says.

"We've been here since day one and trying hard not to..." Your words trail off as you take a cotton pad and put something on it, "And we could have spent God knows how much by now if we did."

He nods and feels bad for it for letting you down, "Yes, know what you're saying," he confirms.

It's obvious to him now that you need time to cool down, he then holds your hand tight and turns your head to make you look at him.

"I'm sorry," he sincerely apologizes.

You put on a weak smile for him but a smile nonetheless, and then you tenderly kiss his cheek, "Wait for me in bed," you tell him.

He allows himself to hold you for a while and lands a quick kiss on your cheek.

"Don't make me wait long," he says as he softly nuzzles his nose in your neck.

HAN: I apologized but I still feel like I need to win her over.

When you finally come to bed, you seem to have gained your mood back but he remains cautious, he wants to be on your good side.

Han snuggles up to you, overlapping your body with his, and buries his head in your neck, inhaling your scent that puts him in an instant comfort.

The lights are off and not long after that, the chatter dies down the late it gets. He knows you're still awake from how you keep gently ruffling his hair with your fingers.

"Are you still upset?"

You weakly smile at how careful he is asking you that when you're not mad at all, just a bit taken aback.

"A little," you reply with your eyes closed.

He rests his head on his pillow and lays on his side facing you, "it's been hard not to do anything whilst getting closer," he says.

You hold the hand resting on your stomach and turn your head to look at him, "It's hard for me too," you mutter.

You lightly rub his forearm as you keep lowly talking to him, not wanting to disturb everyone else who sleeps in the room.

"I'm ovulating right now, I'm like... hornier than ever," you share with him.

"You what?" He asks in confusion.

"It's just... hard for me too," you skip on trying to explain what it's about.

He lowly chuckles at how you easily give in trying to explain it to him. He leans his head against the side of your head, "How can I not touch you when you're getting hotter and hotter every day, mmh?"

You hate how easy it is for him to make you melt with such cheesy words, you keep your cool and respond with a scoff.

He then places a long kiss on your cheek with his hand cupping your jaw, "And I'm getting more and more smitten," he adds.

You scoff again but you can't help but smile this time, "Cringe!" you respond.

He grins as he nuzzles his head in your neck and whispers into your ear, "I like you so much."

It's been a long time since you haven't felt this admired and adored by someone, it feels good and flattering. You feel like you owe it to him to tell him how you feel.

You look to the side and put your hand on his chin, turning his head to make him look at you.

"I like you too," you mutter to him and your heart is quivering, overflowing with warm feelings.

There's no excuse for this but you feel the urge to show him too so slowly you press your lips on him, kissing him with all of your heart.

YOU: At that moment, I feel like it's the right thing to do so I... I kissed him [bites thumb]

Han doesn't know how you end up straddling him and now, taking your camisole off of you. He hurriedly covers your body with the duvet as you lean down, kissing him on the neck and around his chest.

He wants to touch you all over, however, his hands are trained to stay on the safe side. He can only hold you as you place kisses across his chest.

"Baby, oh..." he forgets what he's about to say as you land a hot kiss on the column of his neck.

Your body is hovering above him as your hand wanders down his body, all the while your nipples are lightly grazing his chest.

He's high with your kisses but the moment your hand tugging at his boxer, his eyes snap open.

"You want to do it?" He asks.

You slip your hand under the waistband of his boxer, "we can stop," you simply resolve.

It's sneaky of you to throw the ball at his court. You know he wants this, therefore, how can he stop you? If anything, he wants more of you.

"I don't want to stop," he shamelessly admits.

Successfully taking his boxer off, he turns you over and has you pinned underneath him. He takes his turn to bury his mouth on your neck, kissing you down to your chest and he goes under the duvet to plant kisses on your stomach.

His fingers are tugging at the thin strap of your underwear before pulling it down and off your legs, you take it for me to put it on the bedside table.

There's nothing between your bodies now, it's just his skin rubbing against your skin. He watches as you look at your hands, trailing his shoulder blades then drag them down to feel the firmness of his muscles.

Then you slip your arms under and pull him close, sending him to collapse on top of you.

"You're so hot," you speak so low it's almost like a whisper.

You put your hand in the back of his hair and gently tug at his hair, "You're fire," you playfully compliment with a sly grin.

Han can say the same thing, except that he has not yet wrapped his head around the fact that you're both naked under the duvet. He can feel your body heat and the softness of your skin that he can't stop touching you.

"You're so beautiful," he mutters with an overwhelming sigh.

It feels as if there were only you and him existing at the moment that he completely forgot about everyone else sleeping in the room. He doesn't even remember that he has rules to follow.

Han presses a kiss on your lips and it continues into a slow, sensual making out where he can taste your lips, the plush and the warmth of it.

You let out a low moan as he pulled away from the kiss and without warning, put your legs around his waist to not let him go.

There's nothing to hide when you can feel his hardening member poking at your thighs, it's swollen and he's ready for you.

Seeing you spreading your legs open for him, he knows that he gets the permission to proceed with things.

Han reminds himself that he needs to calm down but rather than that, he does the opposite.

He gets hit by so many things all at once, how he shouldn't be doing this, about the money, and that everyone would be disappointed with him because of it. Everything is mixed inside his head and it overwhelms him.

He looks at you and the soft smile on your face, he knows you both want it but it seems like his body is failing him.

"I'm–" he swallows air to relax.

"I'm too tense," he says, shaking his head in panic.

He then collapses on top of you and hides his head in your neck, "I'm sorry," he murmurs with so much regret.

"It's okay," you assure him with a loving pat on his head and endearingly brush his hair to comfort him.

"It's embarrassing," he whines with his head still buried in your neck.

"It's okay, baby," you place a long kiss on his neck to convince him.

You both stay like that, syncing his breathing to the rising and falling of your chest as he rests his head on it and starts to get drowsy.

"We should put our clothes back on," you suggest before he falls asleep.

He reluctantly gets up and starts looking for his boxer, he gets panicked for losing it.

"I can't find it," he lowly speaks.

You wait until you put on your underwear to reply to him, "Huh?"

He clutches the duvet close to his chest, "I can't find my boxer," he says with intensified panic in his voice.

You stop him from pulling the duvet since you're not properly dressed yet and you're aware of the camera filming everything.

"Give me a second, I'll help you find it," you quickly put your camisole back on to help him.

He wraps himself in the duvet and gets off the bed, frantically looking for his boxer around the bed.

"It's nowhere," he says out loud.

You immediately put your hand to cover his mouth and he only realizes it now that he said it out loud. You press your mouth on his chest to muffle your laughter.

"I'm naked," he lowers his voice but says it with so much urgency in it.

"Okay but shh..." You mutter while silently laughing at the way he made a fool of himself out of panic.

You hurriedly look for it on the floor, perhaps one of you kicked it off the bed. You squat down, groping around in the dark while he waits, sitting on the bed wrapped in duvet.

"Got it! Here!" You hand it to him and climb onto the bed.

Still hiding inside the duvet, he quietly puts his boxer back on. It only hits him now how stupid everything was, he's regretting the way he behaved.

You peer inside the duvet and sweetly ask, "Can I join?"

He can let the duvet go and lay down on the bed next to you, he doesn't say anything but snuggles up to you. He feels bad for how things turned out.

"Hey," you softly scratch the hair behind his ear.

You wait until he looks at you to say, "I told you it's okay."

That makes you grateful that he's with you, he's not sure if anyone else would handle this well but you're so patient with him, and you understand him so much.

You bring your mouth close to sweetly kiss him on the cheek, "We'll get our time, mmh?"

He takes your hand and kisses it before resting it on his chest.

HAN: This makes me realize that she means a lot more to me than just sleeping with her.

There are times when Han looks exceptionally attractive and now he's looking exactly it. His upper body is in its glorious state, muscular chest and stomach on display and his skin is moist with sweat.

He's about to get into the shower when you step into the bathroom, pulling him by the hands to join you to sit inside the empty bathtub.

"So, what's our game plan?" You ask him.

He holds the back of your legs and pinches at the flesh, "Game plan for what?" He plays dumb.

You snort and put your hands on his shoulders, playfully slapping at it, "Should we tell everyone or wait for Lana to expose it?"

He takes your hands and intertwines them together on his knees, "And being scolded twice? No, thank you," he waves your idea away.

Well, you kind of hope that by telling them firsthand, they wouldn't be as mad when they find out about it from Lana. Yet you shudder thinking of being yelled at twice for breaking the rules.

There's another thing to be concerned about.

You put your hands on his neck and lean in close, lowering your voice as you ask, "Do you even know how many times we kissed?"

He suppresses his laughter and it forms a wide grin on his face, he's shaking his head having no idea how much you spent last night.

You lean in closer and lower your voice, "We kissed so many times," you remind him.

Then you get reminded of the hilarity of the situation last night and he seems to recall the same thing as you both break into laughter while looking at each other.

"You messed up," he mischievously accuses you.

"No," you deny, "you messed up!"

He pulls you close and keeps pulling you but you refuse to hug him since he's sweaty, "No, I don't want to hug you."

"Why not?"

"You're dirty," you reply.

"I am dirty," he says with a sly smirk and a wink.

With your hands on his chest, you push him away and get up, then step out of the tub.

"Come shower with me," he says.

You turn around to say, "No."

He uses the towel he's holding to slap your butt with it, "Come shower with your dirty boy!"

"No!" You persist, half-laughing.

Han gets out of the tub to chase you but before he can do that, you run out of the bathroom.

YOU: I'm just a little concerned about how everyone is going to react [hisses air]

It's another workshop for the boys and you're hanging out in the bedroom to escape the harsh sunlight at this hour of day.

You're on the bed with Avery and she's trustworthy enough to you, you feel like you can share about the infraction you did last night with her.

"How mad everyone will be when they know I did something last night?" You whisper to Avery, talking against the loud chat of Nya and Gwen on the other bed.

Avery tries to suppress her surprise and glares at you, "Depends..."

She puts her hair away to get more of the details, "What did you do?" She asks with a curious smile.

You can't recall last night without laughing and Avery patiently waits until you stop to tell her about it.

"What? What did you do?" She gets even more curious, dying to know what makes you laugh like that.

You catch a breath to calm yourself and hesitate to tell her everything about it, mostly because you want to spare Han from the shame.

"We almost had sex last night," you speak in a hushed tone.

Avery's mouth is gaping open and her hand flies to her mouth to cover it, "almost?"

You nod in confirmation.

It gets exciting to her that she leans in closer, not letting anyone hear about this and keeping this between the two of you, "What happened?"

To be honest, you have no idea how things went last night next thing you know you were naked under the duvet and you were all over each other.

"We kissed and got carried away... in the middle of it we just kind of stopped, you know," you tell her, not letting her in on the major plot twist.

"Oh?" She gasps.

"I couldn't remember how many times we kissed," you truthfully tell her.

She squints her eyes at you, "It's that good, huh?"

You chuckle at that and shake your head, "We got carried away and just didn't think of the rules at that moment."

Avery licks her lower lips and starts fiddling with the end of her braided hair, "I think they will be mad at how much money you spent on it," she says.

You may not remember how many times you kissed but you know it's worth a lot of money, "Yeah..." you agree even though you're in an impending doom.

"Everyone wouldn't be as pissed if they were still a lot of money to spend but babe, we barely have anything left," she reminds you.

Hearing that makes you feel worse about it and you regret telling anyone about it.

YOU: I... [rubs temples] I hope Lana goes easy on me [nervously laughs]

What is his problem, really?

Isn't it clear that he shouldn't be flirting with someone's girl blatantly like this? Han needs to do an intervention so he walks over to you, putting his arms around you in a possessive way.

"I've been looking for you, you sexy little minx!" He murmurs with a kiss on your neck.

Han glances at Ed and stares at him until he turns away, leaving you alone like he wanted.

You take his wine glass and steal a sip of his wine, giving the glass back to him afterward. While holding him close, you bring your mouth close to his ear to ask, "Do you think Lana will drop the bomb today?"

You seem more nervous than usual and he starts to think that perhaps it's a good idea that the two of you didn't end up having sex last night.

He sips his drink before talking, "I think so."

"I think everyone is going to be fuming," you tell him with a nervous laugh.

Han wants to sound convincing but he can't lie to you, you know that he's just as nervous, only that he masks it well.

"We got each other," he says.

And that's the only thing he can promise you, that no matter what happens, you can rely on him as much as he relies on you.

You look at him and smile, "I know."

If it wasn't for the stupid rules, he would have kissed your lips but for now, he settles with a kiss on your cheek.

HAN: I hope that despite the rule breaks we did, everyone didn't think that what we have is purely physical.

It's too early for you to relax but the night is getting late and you have drank all the three glasses of wine you're allowed to have for the day.

You're lounging in the firepit with Mikaela and Rio and Gwen being the chatty girl she is, sharing a funny story with everyone.

It's moments like this that you'll be missed once you leave the retreat.

Somehow your mind wanders too far off and you start thinking about life outside the retreat. It's hard in this retreat because of the rules but you think it's going to be a lot harder in the outside world.

You look at Han as he laughs at Asher's joke and hits by a wave of sadness that this is going to end soon. What you're afraid of the most is the change, things will change once this ends.

You kiss his cheek and it takes him by surprise, "What's that for?"

You smile then look away, "I just wanted to."

Han puts his hand on your neck and presses a long kiss on your cheek, not letting go until he runs out of breath.

"I wanted to do that," he says once he pulls away and places another kiss on your temple.

"Ugh, stop being so cute!" Mikaela says with a hint of jealousy.

"That's why she likes me, I'm cute," Han proudly says with his gummy smile.

Catching everyone off their guard, Lana chimes in and tells everyone to gather in the cabana.

YOU: I am shitting it [laughs uncontrollably]

The anxiety kicks in and your body turns rigid no matter how much Han is trying to relax you by placing rubs on your back.

Han knows how to play calm but you, you're just bad at hiding your anxiety. Your jaws are clenched, your foot is nervously tapping the floor and your fingers are picking at the ripped hole on Han's jeans.

When the melodic chime comes in, your heart drops.

"I must inform you that there's a breach of the rules," Lana informs.

And it's a bad thing when she talks without greeting first, that means she's not pleased, Lana is mad.

"Okay, you guys know what to do," Finn says with a tense expression on his face.

"Not us," Rio couldn't deny the allegation faster, shifting everyone's attention away from them.

You feel like wanting to shrink into a microscopic size and just disappear, however, you must face it, owning up to your mistakes.

Avery secretly glances at you with a subtle knowing smile on her face, probably trying to tell you that it's best to come forward.

You look at Han and he smiles at you, he then looks the other way and says, "It was me."

Mikaela dramatically gasps and looks at you, "What did you do?"

You place your hand on his back, letting him know that you're right there with him.

"We kissed a couple of times," he replies to her.

You hate to add to it but you must tell them everything, "A bit of heavy petting too."

"How many times is a couple of times?" Fabian asks.

You sense that things are heating and you remind yourself to keep calm, "We got a little carried away, that's what happened so we're not really sure how many times we did it—"

"What do you mean not sure?" Nya asks.

Han holds your hand to both comfort and strengthen him, "You know it's actually great that we stopped there," Han says.

"What happened?" Asher asks.

Whenever you recall last night, you burst into laughter, and that makes him laugh too. Everyone is just looking at you in confusion.

Han to compose himself first to answer them, "We almost had sex."

"Almost?" Gwen repeated.

"We didn't. Calm your knickers down!" You didn't mean to be snarky but well.

Asher is the only one having fun with this information, "You shouldn't have beaten one out yesterday, bro!"

Everyone is laughing and you throw your arms around him, feeling embarrassed for him but at the same time, wanting to comfort him.

Han looks at the staff and asks, "Can I call my mom?"

Everyone's laugh dies down as Lana drops the bomb, "Your indiscretion has cost the group $20,000."

The hilarity of the moment evaporates into the air and is replaced by a dark shadow hanging over everyone's heads.

"The prize fund now stands at $45,000," Lana updates.

Avery rubs her temple and loudly sighs, "There's not much left to it," she meekly says.

The guilt is gathering in the pit of your stomach, making you feel sick and a little faint. There's nothing you can say to defend yourself so you keep your head down and stay quiet.

"I asked you to respect my rules and you continued to break them."

YOU: Uh-oh! Lana is mad, MAD!

"I'm setting you to the ultimate test to see if you can adhere to my retreat rules under the most trying circumstances."

Test? Han has never been good at tests and not to mention, it's a test from Lana so he knows it wouldn't be easy. It's called a test for a reason.

Also, he doesn't like the sound of the last two words Lana said but they linger in his head far longer than he lets them.

"You will spend the night in the private suite."

Han exchanges a nervous glance with you, realizing that the two of you are in deep trouble Lana has to set you both on a test.

The others are either sighing or groaning, they don't like the idea of putting the two of you together in a suite. He hates to think badly of them but he doesn't like their reactions either.

"You trust us though, right?" Han asks them.

There's a shrug, an inaudible answer, and a lot of pessimism that only adds to the animosity in the air, he can't stand it anymore.

Han clicks his tongue and sighs, "Well, thank you for the support you guys," he sneers with a thin smile.

He puts his arm around you because he knows you're the only one on his team.

"Please make your way to the private suite," Lana orders.

He couldn't wait to exit this situation and spend the rest of the night with you away from everyone. He offers his hand to help you get up from the bed.

"Hey, Han," Rio calls him.

He turns around to look at him, "Yeah?"

"Don't do things I wouldn't do," he says.

"Is there anything you didn't do?" Han replies back with a grin.

Rio laughs in response and Han leaves the cabana, taking you by the hand to the private suite.

HAN: [looks down at his crotch] Just hold on as long as you can, okay? Don't embarrass myself any more than I already have. [Laughs]

This is not a bad thing after all.

Han never thought that he'd ever get to see the private suite and now he's here.

He's the first to enter the suite with you trailing behind him, looking around the room that has been set to a sensual setting with candles and rose petals littering the bed.

"Oh, thank you, Lana!" He shouts his gratitude out loud wherever Lana is.

Carefully, he hoists you with his two arms, attempting to carry you like newlyweds. You squeal as he struggles to get you to bed and he ends up, sending both of you collapsing onto the bed.

He has you pinned under him, using the chance to admire your beautiful face as he's catching his breath. The temptation to kiss you is so strong and the test barely started yet.

You softly nuzzle your nose against his and put your hand on the back of his head, "I don't want to break rules anymore," you mutter.

As much as he wants to do anything imaginable to you, he doesn't want to let people down anymore, so he agreed. He nods and endearingly caresses your cheek with his knuckle.

"Yeah. Me too," he says, making his mind on the spot.

He allows himself to plant his mouth on your neck, "We're mature. We're adults now. We can do this," he tells you, suddenly feeling optimistic about passing the test.

A grunt falls out of his mouth as you put your legs around his waist. You bring your mouth close to his ear and breathlessly whisper, "But I kind of want to continue last night."

Well, there goes his optimism, leaving his body the second you mutter the idea to him. Fuck continuing last night, he wants a do-over and this is the perfect opportunity to do it.

Suddenly, he feels like doing whatever he wants. He looks at your face that is mere inches away from his, "Oh, yeah, fuck money!"

HAN: My head gets a bit naughty when it comes to her. She's just so hot.

"Yes, get those titties out," he excitedly says as he watches you taking off your dress.

Han knows you've been wearing nothing underneath but thin black underwear. He feels your naked body against his but it's different now that he sees you with his own eyes and admires it as much as he wants.

With his body soaked in the warm water, Han rests his head on the edge of the tub, he's biting his lower lip as he watches you pulling your underwear down your legs.

"How are you so hot, baby?" He asks you in disbelief.

You're giggling seeing his wide eyes following you as you get into the tub, sitting down on the other end of the tub.

"We should have a toast," You suggest

"Oh fuck, I left the bottle in the room," he fumbles to get out of the tub.

He's covering his private part with his hand to retrieve the bottle of wine and returns with the bottle clamped under his arm.

You crawl over in the tub to sit on his lap, putting your legs around him even though you both know it's not a good idea.

"What?" You ask while chuckling.

As if that wasn't enough, you put your arms around his neck, sending your breasts squashed between your chests.

"I want to put my legs around your sexy little waist," you innocently say.

He grabs his drink and gulps it down, you refill it for him to have another toast, clinking your glasses together before taking a sip.

"You know what you look like?" He asks.

You laugh even before he tells you the answer, "What?"

"Like a popsicle," he answers with his hand splashing water onto your shoulder.

He tries to seduce you but he gets an unexpected reaction from you, you laugh instead of getting frisky like he imagined it would be.

"I just want to lick you," he says to you with a flirty wink.

"Lick it then," you encourage him with a seductive smile and a sultry gaze.

He is indeed going to lick you with or without your permission, he lands a long lick up the column of your neck as you tip your head to the side, allowing him to plant his mouth on it.

Can't stop himself, he plants kisses down to your chest and buries his head in there while you're holding him close with your arms around his neck.

As if the water in the tub suddenly risen a few degrees, he feels hot inside and out.

HAN: [groans] I'm trying to be good here!!!

The two of you don't take things seriously but that doesn't mean that it does nothing when he looks at you with such lustful eyes and you spread your legs open to tease him.

He crawls onto the bed and hovers above you, placing a long kiss on your collarbone, letting it go with a gasp.

Slowly, he puts his body on top of you but propped an elbow against the mattress to not put his whole weight on you.

"Can you resist me?" He asks with a hoarse voice.

You look up at him and nod.

He holds your jaw and puts his thumb on your lips, pulling at it to feel the plush of it.

"Why are you so hot?" He asks in a mix of disbelief and awe.

You smile at his word and let your hands touch his muscular chest. You use only your fingertips to feel the outline of his muscles and down to his stomach where it feels less firm but more softer.

Feeling playful, you pinch at his tummy but it does nothing to him because he's too busy listing over your body. He seems frustrated to not be able to feel you all over and he best believes that you feel the same way too.

"I can't resist you," he says to you with his hot breath brushing your cheek and rubbing his bulging crotch against your thigh.

"What should we do about it?"

You put your hands around him and gently claw at his back, "I'm open to anything," you daringly say.

On one side, you want to fuck it and just do whatever you want but on the other, you really want to prove everyone wrong, that you have a genuine connection with Han.

But God! It's so hard to not touch him when his body is pressed close against yours.

"Let's settle this," Han suddenly says, rolling over to the side to get a rose from the bedside table.

He sets a pillow against the headboard of the bed and invites you to sit next to him. You eagerly snuggle to him, resting your head on his shoulder.

"I pick one, then you pick one," he says, holding the rose between him and you.

Han starts first, picking a petal off the rose then says, "Have sex."

You let out a chuckle before taking your turn, pulling at the rose petal, "Don't have sex."

He goes next, picking another petal and tossing it away, "Have sex."

"Don't have sex," you mutter while throwing away the rose petal to the back.

"Have sex."

"Don't have sex."

You continue taking turns stripping away the petals off the rose until there are a few left. You rip one off and leave one last petal on the rose.

Han grins knowing the result of his unusual way of settling the matter, he gladly picks the last petal off with a sly smile on his face and says, "Have sex."

You both look at each other as he seductively gazes into your eyes with a smirk dancing on his face. How can you say no when he's intensely looking into your eyes with so much want in his eyes?

YOU: Ugh! This is torture.

Han shrugs and then throws the bare rose away, pulling you close with his hand holding the back of your thighs. He deeply looks into your eyes as he mutters, "Even the universe wants us to have sex."

You snort at the way he put it and continue laughing as he tickles your neck with his nose.

"Take your clothes off!"

"No!"

You manage to break away from his hold and roll over to the side, taking something from the tray of sex toys on the bedside table.

Bring it with you, you're straddling him on the bed, and place a hand on his chest to hold him down.

"You've been very, very bad," you tell him and hit him with the leather flogger on his arms.

"Ow!" He yelps in pain.

His hand flies to rub the skin, "That hurts!" He grumbles.

"You're supposed to feel the pleasure in the pain," you tell him, tickling his chest with the flogger.

"No," He shakes his head, "It's just pain."

You both break into laughter at the same time yet you continue flogging him, this time, doing it gentler to not hurt him.

"Who's your mommy, huh?"

"My mom," he answers.

"Wrong answer!" You hit him on the ribs with the flogger.

You lean in close and try again, "Are you my good boy?"

He holds you by the waist and nods, "Yes, I am," he answers

"But I don't want a good boy," you say with a pout.

"I'm a bad boy," he changes his mind almost immediately.

You lean in closer until you can feel his breath on your lips as he speaks, "How bad?"

"Very bad!"

"Really?"

"Yeah..." he breathlessly says.

You pull away and slyly smile at him, brushing his chest with the end of the flogger, then put it away. You prop a hand against the mattress to hover above him, leaving a few inches between your faces.

"A bad boy is not afraid to break rules," you say with a soft caress on his cheek.

He's gripping your waist as your leg rubs at his inner thigh, "Yeah..."

"Are you bad enough to break the rules?" You ask him with a soft, wet kiss on his jaw.

"Yeah..." his voice is slightly quivering and teasing him like this makes you hornier than before.

You prop your other hand on the bed, caging his body in between your arms and looking down at him with his eyes wide and dark with lust.

"Take your clothes off!"

"Yes, ma'am!"

YOU: Let's say... we had a lot of fun [smirks]

It's too early or you personally think it is.

You force your eyes open and see that the curtains are already open, showing it's bright outside. Instead of waking up, you snuggle close to Han as he's still soundly sleeping next to you.

Without opening his eyes, he draws you closer and plants a kiss on the top of your head.

"We should get up," you sleepily tell him with your eyes still closed.

"Mmh..." he answers with a hum.

You turn your head to give him a morning kiss on the cheek, greeting him once you pull away, "Morning, sexy man."

He puts his arm around you, trying to make you stay snuggle close to him. He eventually gives in and takes your hand to hold instead.

You grab your water tumbler and take a big sip before sitting on the bed, letting Han rest his head on your lap. You put your hand in his air and play with his tousled hair.

"You were so sexy last night," you mutter.

That gets his ear perking up and his head turns to look at you, "I know," he confidently says.

"So hot," you emphasize the word with a heavy sigh.

Han turns over to lay face up with his head still resting on your lap so he can look at you, "Let's not go back."

You hold his head with both hands and gently squeeze his cheeks with your fingers, "You want to stay here?"

"Mmh," he says, placing his hands on yours.

This moment feels tender and intimate, you rarely get a moment like this with everyone in the retreat so to finally be able to be alone with him and fully enjoy each other's presence, you feel a lot more closer than ever.

"I don't mind staying here," you say with a nonchalant shrug and another squeeze on his squishy cheeks.

"Give me a kiss!" He cutely demands with his lips puckered.

To compensate for not being able to kiss him on the lips, you kiss him on both cheeks.

YOU: Wake up this morning feeling great and amazing. I just can't wait to share my happiness with everyone [smiles]

"Hello, Negative Nancy's!" Han pokes fun at everyone as he leads you into the cabana.

They look rather tense for his joke that no one is laughing at it. Probably because not only that it still early in the morning, but they're haunted by the possibility that they may lose more money today.

Especially after seeing that you're wearing his shirt with a radiant smile on your face. He reckons everyone already thinks that they have lost the money that isn't even theirs in the first place.

To be exact, no one owns it yet.

"How was your night, bro?" Asher asks, looking rugged with his long hair tied in a messy bun.

"Fucking great!" He answers without a beat, putting everyone on the edge of their seats with it.

He turns his head at you and asks, "It was fun, yeah?"

You nod with the smile not wearing off of your face, "It was nice and romantic, there were candles and roses and champagne..." you add.

He can see that Gwen is quietly rolling her eyes either in jealousy or displeased with what she heard. But Han is having fun teasing them and so are you.

"Did you do something?" Nya asks with her hand propped under her head.

Han glances at you then lets out a long sigh, "We're not sure..."

Mikaela gets triggered by it, "What do you mean by that?"

He puts his arm around you and puts on a cryptic smile, "We did a lot of things," he says.

"We used a sex toy or two," you egg on it, playing along with his scheme.

"We're just not sure if they were rule breaks or not," he says with a nonchalant shrug.

There are groans and sighs, it seems that he's succeeded at annoying them. He then looks at the cone sitting in the middle of the table.

"Let's just ask Lana!" He simply resolves.

Not long after, Lana comes with that melodic chime that twists everyone's stomach and makes them sit up straight in their seats.

"Hello, everyone," Lana begins with her usual greeting.

Most of everyone is half-heartedly replying to her while Han tries to lighten up the mood with a cheery one, "Hello, lovely Lana!"

"Last night, you spent the night in the private suite and were forbidden from any form of physical contact."

He doesn't really need the reminder but sure, Lana is cooking something in here and he hopes it's something good.

"I can reveal that..."

He takes your hand to get your attention and flashes you a goofy smile, he knows no one else is going to have fun with him except you.

For someone who spent the most money in the retreat, Rio looks nervous, Han sees that he puts his hands together as if he were praying.

And for artificial intelligence, Lana knows how to build suspense.

"They did not break the rules," Lana finally announces.

Everyone is cheering and whooping, clapping their hands his way. He never thought that these many people would be happy knowing he didn't get to sleep with the hot girl.

But he allows himself to hug you, congratulating each other for what you achieved together.

"For the record, I trusted you that you two will pass it!" Asher says with a proud smile.

But it doesn't stop there, Lana has another announcement.

"As a reward for passing my test, I'll return the money to the prize fund which now stands at $100,000."

Now everyone is going crazy. The boys are throwing themselves at him and pile on him while he struggles to get away.

HAN: Your boy Han did it! [Throws fist in the air]

Strangely, you feel good for not having sex with a guy you like but it feels great to see everyone is happy about it.

After all, this was a test to prove to everyone that what you have with Han is genuine, it's meaningful. Nothing feels better than proving everyone wrong.

Everyone is settling down, returning to their seats since Lana has not yet done talking.

"Do you feel that you have made a deeper emotional connection?" Lana asks both of you.

"Yes, absolutely," you reply without a beat.

"A hundred percent, yes," Han answers not long after.

You're busy brushing his messy hair from everyone ruffling and patting his head.

"You probably think that I'm a joker, always joking but what I have with her is serious, it's genuine and I..." he turns his head to look at you, "With us passing the test, it's the proof of that."

This is when you find Han the most attractive when he speaks out with confidence but with all honesty. You believe your eyes have hearts in them as you look at him.

Avery and Gwen are cooing at the same time, melting on their seats and you like seeing jealousy in their eyes.

Everyone else is giving you both a round of applause for being the couple that they never expected to grow this much in this retreat. They probably didn't expect that you would end up with Han.

Taking you by surprise, both of your watches chime and turn green. It takes you a while to register what it means, you slowly turn your head to have his hand cupping your jaw, crashing his lips against you.

The kiss feels so special and rewarding, you allow yourself to be open, pouring all of your heart out into the kiss, ignoring everyone else who is watching and cooing at you.

Dare you say, it feels like a movie scene.

YOU: I'm glad that we got the green light and that shows that we have something real. I just can't wait for what comes next to us [smiles]

Han is going for a swim on the beach with Rio and Fabian when they get curious about last night.

"Was it hard, man?" Rio asks because the idea of being in a room with a girl and not having sex is a lot for him to comprehend.

"Rock hard," Han immediately replies.

"I bet, I bet," Fabian says while laughing and splashing water onto his toned abs.

They're all laughing with their bodies engulfed in the saltwater, facing the sun that is slowly sinking into the horizon.

"How do you feel about her now?" Fabian asks.

It's surprising to hear the question coming from this God-like man, it makes him look deep into his heart to answer it.

"I feel a lot closer, man," Han honestly says.

Anyone other than you or himself wouldn't get it and comes from him who was once anti-Lana, he can see that he slowly changing his course, he's learning the lesson now.

"I just think we're very similar, we have the same energy, I like little things about her," he stops himself as he's aware he's foolishly smiling as he talks about you.

Fabian is cooing at him and lands a pat on his shoulder.

"I was with a girl once, thought she was everything and she obviously let me down so whenever a girl comes in, I just... can't commit anymore," he doesn't know where it comes from but he feels comfortable to share it with them.

"You don't want to get hurt again, yeah," Rio is nodding along to his words.

"And now I'm here and it's completely changed everything," he says.

Rio takes it that Han is onto something, "So, what do you have in mind?"

Han inhales air as he takes in the beautiful view, "I feel like it's time I make her my girlfriend," he says.

Without warning, Fabian punches his arm almost sending him staggering in the water, he holds Rio's shoulder to steady himself.

"Aw, man..." Rio says, sounding like a proud man.

Not enough by punching his arm, Fabian jumps onto Han's back sending them both falling into the water and Rio joins him to playfully sink him into the water.

HAN: It's been a long time since I got close to somebody so this is a big deal for me. I don't know if I have the guts to ask her.

Your time in the retreat is coming close to an end and out of all the parts of this big villa, you're going to miss this dressing room the most.

It's not just a room where you do your make-up and hair, but it's also where everyone usually gathers and fools around with each other. So many things happened in this room.

After taking a shower, you decide to may as well start getting ready for the night. You're not the only one having a head start, Gwen is there curling her hair into loose waves that frame her small face.

"I don't know what I'm going to wear tonight," you share as you sit on your chair next to her.

To be honest, you run out of clothes to wear now that the retreat is about to end and you kind of want to look your best.

"You can borrow mine, babes," Gwen kindly offers.

You softly laugh and make fun of yourself, "It would be loose around the chest, I'm afraid."

Gwen has the kind of laugh that sounds more like a shrill and it's filling the room as the two of you continue chatting about things while doing make-up.

Until Han comes into the dressing room and sits across from you. You look away from your mirror to see him, "Hey, pickles."

He slumps on his chair and compliments you out of the blue, "You look gorgeous, babe!"

You lowly chuckle as you keep filling your eyebrows, "I'm not done with my eyebrows yet," you tell him.

Then Han gets quiet and you keep glancing at him because he looks like he has something to say but he seems to hesitate.

You know he has that awkwardness in him but it's not it. Something is off and he looks nervous but he's too afraid to tell you about it.

You're about to open your mouth to ask what it is but the cone in the room chimes, making everyone startled on their seats.

"Oh, fuck, I feel sick when Lana comes on," Gwen says with her hand clutching her chest.

"Hello, guests!" Lana greets.

It makes you nervous still whenever Lana speaks even though you know you don't do anything wrong, "Yes, my darling?"

Then Lana calls both of your names, making your head turn at the cone in the corner of the room. Then you glance at Han, "What have we done now?"

Han who's faintly biting his lower lip shrugs in utter confusion.

"As an existing couple in this retreat, I am sending you on a date for a chance to open up and form a deeper connection."

YOU: Oh, finally! Lana came with good news!

The first thing that you both do after receiving the news is get off your chairs and run towards each other, you throw yourself at him as he catches you, hoisting you against his body.

"A date! Yay!" You squeal in excitement, then place kisses all over his face.

As Han leaves to get ready for the date, you get back to your seat and can barely do your make-up anymore, you're too excited and at the same time, nervous.

You forgot what you're about to do with your face so you pick up your brush and mindlessly brush some powder onto your forehead and chin.

"I'm excited for you!" Gwen says, sounding more excited than you are.

"Me too," you say with a breathless chuckle.

You put down your brush and pick up a tube of mascara next, your hand is slightly shaking for you to apply it to your lashes.

It's not like you never got on a date before so you don't get why you're so jittery.

YOU: Why am I so nervous? We almost had sex once for God's sake!

Han regrets acknowledging your beauty a little late.

He can see it now, how radiant you are as you descend down the steps that lead to the beach, looking so stunning in that bright blue dress.

He offers his hand to help you walk down the last three steps and clasps your hand with his.

"I don't want to be an asshole but your tits look great in that dress," he compliments with a naughty smirk.

He knows you're going to laugh from the way you scrunch your nose and there it is, the sound of your laugh that has become one of his favorite sounds in the world.

"I must say your tits look great in that shirt," you compliment back.

A boat is waiting to take both of you, taking you on a trip around the island with the sun slowly yet surely setting for the day.

There are cocktails and a basket of food provided on the back of the boat. You both take a seat facing each other and decide to make a toast to start the date.

"I've never had a date on a boat before," you suddenly share.

It never ceases to amaze him how he keeps sharing common things with you, "Me too."

He takes another sip before adding, "We both won't forget about it then," he says.

You lift your glass, initiating another toast with him, "Cheers to that!"

He's not sure how many percent of alcohol is in that cocktail but he really needs it to gain a little courage to ask the one question that's been bothering him all day and night.

HAN: I have to pull it off. I HAVE TO!

Well, there's one way to prepare him for the big question. He knows how to ease both the tension and you, well, it's actually just things that he knows are true about you.

"Do you know that you scrunch your nose before you smile? Or laugh?" He asks.

You finish chewing the grape to answer him, "I think, yeah..." you doubtfully answer.

Han also picks a grape and pops it into his mouth, he wants to take his time, doing it right.

"And you also purr like a kitten when you sleep," he adds.

You let out a nervous chuckle, "Is that a compliment?"

He's not sure about that one but he wants to show you that he knows the little details about you. He knows more than just those two, he can list them for you but he's afraid it'll take the whole day.

"It is a compliment," he says with a grin.

He rolls a grape between his fingers, just something to fiddle with because of how nervous he is

"You have to give me a compliment too," he demands.

You stop chewing and lick your lips, "Well, uhm... I like the way you sit with your legs looking like those anime girls," you say, copying the way he sits then break into laughter.

In his defense, he unknowingly sits like that. He laughs it off then says, "You find everything attractive about me."

"That's because you're one big attraction, baby," you immediately respond.

It's a rare occasion that you let your thoughts unfiltered with him and that's good, that means you're comfortable around him.

He seems to like what he heard from the way he's brightly smiling with the soft sunset reflected in his eyes.

"I like that we're not taking things seriously, we do silly things together and I think that's cute," he shares.

You nod and understand that really well, it has not yet sunk in that you found someone like him here of all places.

"It doesn't hit me yet, you know, that I met someone like you," you tell him with a smile.

Then you get hit by a wave of sadness that it's going to end soon and you fear that things are going to change between you.

"All I know is... it's going to be weird not waking up next to you and spending all of our time together," you sadly tell him.

It seems like he reads your mind, he snatches the words you're about to say to him right out of your mouth.

"I'm glad I got to know you," he says with glints in his eyes.

You softly smile at him, "Me too."

But you don't want to keep hanging everything on maybe, you want to know if this can continue outside the retreat. You take a sip of your drink, then take a deep breath after, "It's been so good for us," you say.

You take another sip of your fruity, alcoholic drink to continue talking, "And I'm thinking... what's next?"

You don't want to pressure him, of course, and you don't want to have seemed demanding as well but it has to be made clear.

You look at him with eyes that seek an answer from him, "I'm just hoping that nothing bad happens."

YOU: I fall in deep and I don't know whether Han feels the same.

Han knows that he's in the trenches when you ask what's next?

The answer to it is at the tip of his tongue but he can't muster up the courage to spit it out. His past experience haunts him, reminding him of the chance that this could hurt him too, even worse than before.

"Obviously, I came bere not expecting to meet someone like you," you say with a smile.

That smile makes him nervous, thinking that he'll never be able to see it again once he popped the question.

You fix your hair from being blown by the wind and tuck it behind your ear. Such a mundane thing but he likes it whenever you do it.

"But I don't want to waste my time anymore, you know," you say.

And he gets nervous again.

"What about you?"

Such a simple question but it takes everything in him to answer that question. He looks back at his past relationship and he realizes that he shouldn't compare it to what you and him have.

And it's you, you're different and you make him happy. Why should he stop seeing someone who makes him happy?

Before he can tell you that, he feels the need to tell you why he hesitates so much and that it has nothing to do with you.

"Ever since my last relationship, I struggled with commitment, attachment... and I don't bother trying knowing it could lead to disappointment," he shares.

You intently listen to him, look him in the eyes, and take every word he says with an open mind.

"I often find myself thinking why put somebody through something that could potentially hurt them?"

You nod in understanding, "Yeah."

"My problem is I fear heartbreak," he confesses.

It's one thing to share a piece of his past with you but letting you know his fear... he's basically handing you the power over him.

Despite the things he shared with you, you tip your head to the side and adorably scrunch your nose at him.

"How about now?" You ask.

A wind blows, sending your hair caught between your lips and you take a moment to put all of your hair away, "Are you ready to commit?"

Han doesn't see heartbreak, he sees happiness in you so he nods.

HAN: I've got a funny feeling... I'm overthinking the situation, but I know it's the right time.

You have never seen him like this, so terribly quiet and still. You place your hand on his and crack a low laugh, "Why are you nervous?"

Han always knows how to lighten up the moment or make fun of something, it seems like he has lost that skill at the moment.

Then he stares deeply into your eyes with a tense and serious expression on his face.

"There's a question I've been wanting to ask you," he says.

Maybe it's your turn to ease the tension, you bat your eyelashes at him and cutely ask, "Oh, really?"

You can see that he's still nervous, his Adam's apple is bobbing in his throat from swallowing air.

"Uhm... this whole experience has been enjoyable because of you. You're lovely, you're beautiful inside and out..."

There are a lot of compliments in one sentence and ignoring the anxiety tinted his words, you coo in response.

He gulps air again then asks, "How'd you feel about being my girlfriend?"

Not that he can't act this gentlemanly but it takes you by surprise, it feels like he's pulling a joke on you. Maybe it is?

"You're joking..." you say with a dry laugh.

"I'm being serious!" He says with so much urgency.

You just need to ask one more time to be sure, "You're really asking me to be your girlfriend?"

He aggressively nods, "Yeah."

Han sees that you're still doubting him, he tries again but more candidly, "Do you want to be my girlfriend?"

Can't tell if it's the wind or that you're deeply touched by this heartfelt moment, you feel tears in the corner of your eyes. You gently dab it with the pad of your fingers to not ruin your make-up.

"Oh, my god," you breathlessly gasp.

You look at him and he's still waiting for your answer in anticipation, you nod, then say, "Yes."

This is the weirdest thing ever but most endearingly. You feel warm and ecstatic but the two of you just sit there, looking at each other, laughing.

You almost forget about it until they chime, you turn your wrist to see that it's indeed green.

Han notices it too, he then gets up and takes your hand, he pulls you close to lean in, kissing you with so much love.

Your heart is shaking and the content is pouring out of it yet it never empties. Your heart is overflowing with warm feelings.

And his lips are just as warm, as welcoming as his embrace.

When he pulls away, he delightfully sighs.

"Fuck yeah, I finally have a girlfriend!" He mutters against your lips before planting another kiss.

YOU: My God! I can't stop smiling it's so stupid [gleefully smiles]

Other than you, Lana is also sending Rio and Mikaela on a date but you're the first one to come back. You find everyone is getting ready for the last party in the retreat tonight.

"Oh, they're back from the date!" Avery delightfully gasps at the sight of you walking into the room while holding hands with Han.

"Oh, my God! How was the date?" Gwen asks, propping both hands under her head.

Nya puts down her eyebrow pencil and glances at you, "Tell us all about it!" She demands.

You sit down on your chair first before speaking and Han takes the seat next to you, "We got on a boat and we had pretty cocktails, it was gorgeous," you tell them.

Asher walks into the room to plop onto the small sofa in the corner of the room, "Oh, I'm so jealous!" He says in a sincere tone.

"Then it got pretty serious, don't you think?" Han asks you.

"Yeah, it was," you say with a small nod.

You don't know how to tell them without making it like a cringe moment, you feel silly but also excited to share it with them.

"This guy asked me a funny question at the end," you say with a cryptic smile.

Everyone shifts their attention to Han and they wait for one of you to continue the words. You look at Han and decide to break the news.

"He asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend," you tell them.

There's a collective gasp and Avery's jaws are hanging open, so invested in your storytelling.

"What did you say?" Nya asks you.

You wait for a moment to tease them, building the anticipation in the room. Then again, good news should be shared.

"I said yes," you finally answer.

The next thing you know, everyone is coming at you and congratulating you with a group hug. You look at Han and he's being smothered by Asher's hug.

"I'm so happy for you," Avery says, sounding like she's in tears as she's hugging you from the back.

After everyone takes their turn to congratulate both of you, you and Han exchange a long hug, feeling overwhelmed with happiness.

"You two are so cute!" Gwen comments.

You turn around to face her and Han holds you from the back, "No, but I've been wanting to tell him how much I like him and obviously, I've been keeping it to myself because I was afraid he didn't feel the same way," you honestly share.

You remember just feeling so smitten, falling in deeper but you can't say anything about it because the fear of being rejected or the possibility that your feelings are not being reciprocated is bigger than what your heart can contain.

"This is like... the cutest thing ever!" Avery says with an exciting squeal.

"We also got a green light earlier," Han shares.

"Has a few snogs, eh?" Fabian says, joining in late into the celebration.

"Definitely!" Han shamelessly shares.

YOU: Things couldn't be more perfect. I'm the happiest I've ever been [smiles]

Everyone is wearing white to match the theme of the party.

You look so gorgeous in that white, skin-tight dress he can't help but ogle as you lean close to the mirror on the bathroom sink, fixing your hair with your back slightly arched.

"Fuck..." Han says with so much frustration in his voice.

You glance away from the mirror to look at him, "What?"

"Stop looking so hot!" He holds you from the back, then playfully bites at your bare shoulder.

It seems like you are already immune to this, you're not bothered to scold but continue fixing your hair and secure it with hairpins.

Han looks at your reflection in the mirror and he can't believe that you're his girlfriend, it feels like a reality check but it's as good as his imagination.

How the fuck you said yes to being his girlfriend? He doesn't know but he's happy, he's over the moon.

"Do you like it?" You ask.

He knows you're asking about either your hair or your make-up or the whole look but everything looks good on you.

"Yes," he answers, tightening his hold around you.

You rest your head against his shoulder and also look at both of your reflections in the mirror, "You look so sexy with your hair pushed back," you compliment.

He presses a kiss on your temple, "yeah?"

You slightly turn your head to look at him, "Mmh, yeah."

This proximity is dangerous and your lips are only inches away from him, they're coated with red lipstick, making them look luscious, inviting him to kiss.

"Kiss?" He asks even though he knows you wouldn't risk money on the last night in the retreat.

Yet you puckering your lips at him, teasing him and he does the same, leaning in close until you dodge away.

"It would be funny though to lose money on the last night in the retreat," he says with a playful grin.

It seems like Lana is letting everyone off for the day and not interrupting the party as usual. It's a little suspicious but Han wants to spend the rest of his time in the retreat not caring about anything but enjoying the moment.

Rio comes through to give him a pat on the back, "Heard you got a girlfriend now," he teases him.

It hasn't registered to him yet that he has a girlfriend now, he stifled a nod, "Hell yeah, I am!"

They exchange a side hug and have a toast with their drinks. Rio seems happy so he assumes the date went really well and he wonders if he took things further with Mikaela.

"I can say the same thing to you, right?" He says to him with a sly smile.

Rio licks his lips after taking a sip of his drink, "I dropped the L bomb, bro, it was nerve-wracking," he says, wiping his moist forehead.

"Wow, that's..." Han can't find a word to say to that.

"That's a big deal!" He finally continues.

"Yeah," Rio says, taking another gulp with a smile on his face.

Looking back at it, he can see that everyone is going on their own journey, something has changed about them in the best way possible.

Han can see the change in himself too.

He came as someone with a closed heart. He thought that he couldn't love again and he would rather be on his own for the rest of his life.

But now, he's ready to leave the retreat as an open person and ready to love again.

HAN: I've been bottling things up and I feel like the retreat helps me get back, it's almost like a fresh start. Also, I'm leaving with a girlfriend [smiles]

Seeing him already tucked in the bed, you can't help but jump and startle him as he lies with his eyes closed.

Han draws you closer, planting his nose in your hair then kisses the top of your head, "I'm so tired."

You hum with your head resting on his chest, "Me too."

His hand is softly rubbing your back, putting you at ease and making you feel safe in his hold. Remembering that it's going to be the last night in the retreat, you suddenly feel melancholic.

You're going to miss this, not caring about anything else but making deeper connections with each other. You lift your head and plant your chin to look at him, "This will be the last time we share a bed," you sadly tell him.

With eyes still closed, he shakes his head, "We'll still share a bed after this," he says.

Han opens his eyes just to wink at you and you chuckle at that.

"I mean, in this retreat," you correct yourself.

You slip your hand in his hair and play with it as you look at him, "Honestly, I didn’t expect this.

He rests his hand on your waist, "Expect what?"

"That we'll be together," you reply with giggles.

Now that the retreat is almost over, you can't help but recall a few moments from the time you've spent in this retreat.

"Be honest, you didn't even think you'd fall for me, did you?" You press him with a question.

Han looks too embarrassed to admit it, he laughs it off because he knows you're right

"You wouldn't fall for me either, right?" He turns the table back at you.

You lean in and kiss him on the cheek, "That's because you're so cute," you tell him with another kiss on his other cheek.

"Also, you weren't easy to win over," he adds as he gently squeezes the flesh on your waist.

You nod, admitting that you were indeed so hard to open up to him. You have to give him props for that so you give him a long kiss on the cheek.

"Thank you for being so patient with me," you sincerely thank him.

He proudly smiles and looks at you, "Kiss me then," he sweetly asks with a pout.

"You're cute," you tell him.

You lean into the side of his head to whisper, "But not that cute."

Without warning, he catches you with both arms and pulls you close, not letting you get away from him.

And you're not planning to get away from him.

YOU: When I came here, I was very closed and I didn't want to let anyone in but I feel like Han has helped me with it, I let my guard down and let him in which I'm proud I did.

Lana chimes the moment the lights are on in the morning.

It's like you're used to getting anxious at the sound of it, your body turns rigid even though you've just woken up.

"Good morning, everyone!" She greets.

You clutch the duvet close to your chest and rub the sleep off your eyes, "Morning, Lana!"

"Welcome to the last day of the retreat!"

It feels real now that Lana said it, you finally come to the last day of the retreat and it's so bittersweet, it's almost like graduation day. Well, talking about graduating from a sexless retreat, that's an achievement!

You see that everyone is feeling sentimental as well with the way some of them are replying with sad groans.

"I will be announcing who the finalists are shortly," Lana informs.

And you almost forgot about the prize money.

Well, you gained a lot of things such as emotional growth, friendship, and love, and those things can't be valued in money so in the end, everyone wins something out of this retreat.

Everyone seems to think the same way, they're mostly focused on making the last day count.

"It's the last day!" Finn emphasizes it for everyone.

"Let's make it count!" Avery says to everyone with a cheery smile.

Everyone starts their day with positive energy and soaking up everything before their time in the retreat ends. You did your daily routine of swimming at the beach and getting ready for the day with the girls in the dressing room.

Lana wants everyone to the cabana later in the afternoon and then you catch a few chats about who's going to win the money.

To be honest, you have no idea because everyone is going through their own journey so you can't really judge.

You decide to spend the remaining time in the retreat by cuddling in the hammock with Han, just enjoying a peaceful moment together in comfortable silence.

However, you can't help but ask him, "Who do you think is going to win?"

He squints from the bright sun, "It could be anyone," he answers.

"Yeah."

"I don't really care about the money," he remarks, his fingers lightly pinching at your arm.

"Yep, me too," you agree with him on this.

He turns his head to look at you, "I got the most beautiful girl in here," he says with his flirty wink of his.

"You meant to say that to Avery," you tell him with a gentle slap on his chest.

"No," he quickly denies.

He holds your face and looks into your eyes, "I win the biggest prize of all."

He pretends to groan in disgust after saying that, aware of how corny it is.

"Cringe!" You say but with a foolish smile on your face.

"I know you like it," he says, pulling your head close to his neck.

And you stay like that with him, taking in the view while in each other's embrace.

YOU: I learned a lot in this retreat so I wouldn't feel sad leaving without the money [smiles]

It's finally time.

Everyone's curiosity is about to be answered soon because Lana is going to announce the finalists soon. Han tries not to think about the money and indeed, the possibility that he can win it is slim but hey, he wouldn't say no to receive that much money.

The melodic chime finally comes and he can feel his tummy churning in anxiety.

"Definitely not going to miss hearing that," Fabian says with a repulsed expression.

"Hello, everyone," Lana begins.

"Hi, Lana!" You reply as you sit up straight next to him.

"I've been collecting data since you arrived and have now conducted my final analysis."

He tries not to be so nervous but it feels as if he's not in control of his body anymore, he's unknowingly balling his hands into fists on his lap.

"As you are aware, there was a prize fund of $200,000 allocated to aid your development. The prize fund now stands at $100,000."

"That's a lot of money, isn't it?" Asher says, looking at the brighter side of things even though everyone has lost half of the initial prize money.

Han doesn't want to entertain the idea of winning the money but also, but the possibility is there, it's wide open. Not trying to lie but that much money is life-changing.

"There are three places in the final," Lana informs.

Everyone coos in wonder, heads are turning to silently guess who would make the list.

"Following my rules alone isn't enough to win. The finalists are those who have shown the most personal growth during their time at the retreat."

That only confirms his assumption that it's not only about couple growth, therefore, his chance to win is bigger.

"The first finalist is... Rio."

Rio gets up from the sofa as everyone claps in joy for him.

Han couldn't be happier to hear that his close friend is one of the finalists and that means he has changed into a better version of himself.

It's getting tense once again as Lana is about to announce the next finalist.

"The second finalist is... Asher."

This one is kind of unexpected and he doesn't mean it in a bad way. Asher has grown so much personally but he's mostly proud because Lana acknowledged the changes in him.

"The third and final finalist is... "

Han is losing hope but that doesn't mean he's not happy about it. He's happy whether he wins or not, he reminds himself of that by looking at you softly smiling at him.

Then, Lana calls both of your names.

He shoots up from his seat, "What?"

"You guys deserve it!" Portia says as she hugs you.

And Han is getting a hug from Fabian, confirming that Lana did call his name and yours.

HAN: I did not see this coming [lightly shakes head]

"Please stand!" Lana orders.

Han helps you get up from the sofa and holds you close by his side. You're wiping the corner of your eyes when he looks at you.

"I'm emotional already," you say with a quivering voice.

You look the most beautiful when you're vulnerable like this so he hugs you with both of his arms around you.

"Your relationship has helped you both grow equally as individuals," Lana says.

You both are listening to Lana listing the reasons why you got chosen to be one of the finalists as a couple.

"You both came in as horny singles and began your journey as friends. Despite having commitment issues, you slowly built a connection and have learned to commit and formed a loving relationship."

He looks at you and can see the journey you both went through to get to this point, he couldn't be proud that he has made all of these decisions that led him to this, to you.

"And that is why I have chosen you to be in the final as a couple," Lana concludes.

Everyone is cheering and clapping for all the finalists.

"One of the three finalists will walk away with $100,000 and the decision will be made by the remaining guests."

At the end of the day, it's up to the group to choose who wins the prize money. Of course, Lana is the one with power but everyone knows each other personally and therefore, they know which one has made the biggest improvements.

"Will the shortlisted guests please the cabana whilst the voting takes place," Lana instructed.

HAN: We never thought we'd get this far, did we?

YOU: Not at all.

The finalists are being gathered in the front yard.

Rio and Asher are taking seats on the bean bags so the two of you can take the small sofa to sit together.

"I can't believe we're here," Rio says, still in disbelief.

Asher brushes his long hair to the back, "I'm happy to just be here with you guys," he says with a gruff voice.

Han looks speechless as well, he hasn't said anything since Lana announced both of your names as the last finalist.

"It's... mad!" He finally says something, rather sounds still in disbelief as well.

You look at them and feel grateful already that you're surrounded by nice people.

"How do you feel?" Asher asks, curious as to why you stay quiet.

"I feel like a winner already to be honest," you reply.

After almost half an hour of waiting under the sun that is slowly sinking into the horizon, the cone lights up and chimes.

You get used to getting nervous whenever you hear it but this time, you unconsciously grip at Han's forearm.

"Hello, finalists," Lana greets.

"Yes, darling?" Rio answers her.

"Your fellow guests have voted and a winner has been decided," Lana informs.

The tension is rising once again and Han turns to be the nervous one, grabbing your hand and squeezing at it.

"Please join everyone on the beach where I will announce who has won the $100,000."

Asher is the first one to get up from his seat, flipping his hair to the side as he says, "Okay guys, let's go!"

As you both make your way to the beach, Han leans into your ear and whispers, "My palms are sweaty. I'm shaking," his voice is tinted with anxiety.

You smile at him and say, "I know."

HAN: I'm grateful for how this retreat has changed me and our relationship.

YOU: [Nods] Fingers crossed!

HAN: [Crosses fingers]

Everyone else is already waiting by the beach for the last hurrah with the sun setting behind them, casting a warm glow on their faces.

Han knows he shouldn't be stressing much about this. Winning the money isn't that important, it's what he takes from this retreat that is the most important.

He takes a seat on the long wooden bench with you and waits for Lana to come online.

After a while, that anxiety-inducing chime comes and the cone starts talking.

"During your time at the retreat, I have observed you all commit to the process and show significant changes."

Everyone nods in agreement and cheers to that with a proud face.

"The time has now come to announce the winner of the $100,000 prize money," Lana says.

She then calls all the names of the finalists, including him and yours.

"Finalists, please stand!" Lana instructs.

Rio and Asher are standing up while Han keeps on pulling you close to his side even though there's no space left between your bodies.

"Your fellow guests have voted and the person in third place is..."

It's getting to him now that you and him potentially going to win that money and it's a lot of money. He gets overwhelmed thinking of it.

"Asher."

His head turns to the left where Asher stands, applauding himself for what he has achieved in here and you both doing the same for him, congratulating him for it.

"I love you guys," Asher says in the most nonchalant yet cool way.

The tension returns as Lana continues with the announcement, calling the names of the finalists again and making him feel faint.

"One of you has been chosen to walk out of the retreat with the prize fund..." Lana reminds.

The money, well, the money, obviously would help with this new relationship. Then again, it's not about the money.

HAN: No matter what happens, I feel like I'm a better person after meeting her and yeah, I'm actually proud of myself and I don't often say that about myself.

YOU: [Looks at Han] I'm proud of you.

HAN: [Smiles] I'm proud of you.

"The winner who will be leaving with $100,000 is..."

His heart feels like it's about to explode, he can't contain this much anxiety and excitement and love and fondness, everything is mixed inside his chest.

And it explodes as Lana announces him and you as the winner.

"Oh, my god!" You shriek, covering your gaping mouth with your hands.

Everyone is running at him, throwing themselves at him while the girls are coming at you to give you a hug.

"I wanted it to be you guys so congrats!" Avery says as she hugs him.

But seeing you keep wiping your eyes as they're glassy with tears, Han feels the urge to comfort you. He comes to you, holding you tight because this moment belongs to you and him, the two of you did this.

HAN: Can you believe it?

YOU: Honestly, no.

HAN: We went from nothing to friends and now... [Looks at you]

YOU: [Giggles] Now... what?

HAN: ... [Shyly laughs] [Hugs you]

"Your time at the retreat is over and therefore the rules no longer apply," Lana announces for the last time.

Everyone is cheering in triumph but he feels good knowing that he can touch you, kiss you, and do anything he pleases to you now.

But for now, he can settle with a long, lingering kiss that quench his thirst.

"I'm not wearing underwear," you playfully tell him.

His hand goes down your rear and feels you through the dress you're wearing, his eyes widen even though he finds out that you're lying

"We can definitely have a quickie if you want," you jokingly say.

Feeling tricked, he aggressively kisses you as a way to get back at you and lifts you before spinning you around as his body is filled with euphoria.

The celebration continues with more congratulations passed around at each other and the champagne bottle is popped open.

Asher comes to you and sincerely congratulates you with a warm hug, "I'm happy for both of you," he says.

He then looks at Han and says, "Han, I'm going to steal your girlfriend!"

Before Han can say anything, Asher hoists you onto his shoulder and takes you running with him to the beach, then he puts you down in the water.

Soon everyone joins in with you, continuing the party soaked in salt water. You eventually find Han and immediately locked in a loving kiss.

You both face the sunset, looking at it and feeling so hopeful for what the future holds for both of you.

HAN: No more rules!

YOU: [Whispers to Han] How about we continue that night?

HAN: Ah... [Smirks]

YOU: [Giggles]

HAN: [Looks at the camera] Now will you excuse us because we have business to finish!

Support my blog by kindly reblog, comment or tip me on my ko-fi!

taglist: @svintsandghosts @abiaswreck @septicrebel @cursed-mars-bars @ppiri-bahng @drhsthl @tangylemonade @bluenights1899 @elizalabs3 @avyskai @is2cb97 @simeonswhore @marvelous-llama @linovely @jisungsleftcheek @hanjisbeloved @luvsskz @knowleeknow @army-stay-noel @bigsobs4skz @toplinehyunjin @channies-luv @foxinnie8 @biribarabiribbaem @dalamjisung @moasworld @sherryblossom @fawnpeaks @lukeys-giggle @obeythemasters @primoppang @devilsmatches @skz-streamer @freckleboilix @idkluvutellme @laylasbunbunny @cutiespaghetti @yourmercibeaucoupsblog @hanjisunginc @shinedreamsmile07 @whyisaah

#stray kids smut #skz smut #han smut #han jisung smut #han x reader #skz x reader #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids scenarios #skz scenarios #skz fics #skz fanfics #kpop smut #kpop fics #kpop fanfics #too hot to handle series

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olderthannetfic · 5 months

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Can I poke the bear for a moment and get angry? Because I'm seeing "posting as activism" more and more in fandom spaces, and tonight I saw a post that made me lose it.

There is a post about (current events) going around that says, "full offense, but in this time, your own comfort doesn't fucking matter, you should be uncomfortable about things that are happening, and I hope you can fucking live with yourselves if you are quiet. It takes five seconds to retweet or reblog, fuck your aesthetic, fuck your anything aesthetic."

And my god. How dare they.

Yes, there is severely fucked up shit happening. Yes, people should be aware that people are being killed. Yes, there are people who are just shrugging about it and pissing off. But how does reblogging a post certify someone as Good or Bad? How does this person know that someone hasn't already helped out meaningfully in some way, or is still helping out, but on other websites? How does this person know that someone isn't barely holding on by the skin of their teeth, and they would have a mental breakdown if they got closer to any more stressful things?

I know a multitude of people, including myself, who have recently either needed to call lines, check into facilities, move back in with their parents, or go on medication because of how insane things have become in their own lives. How does this person not understand that blogging; being on tumblr; engaging in fandom, having a small space that someone can control in its entirety, is a reprieve for people who are already at their wit's end outside of that space? And that's okay.

(We are not doing the relative privation shit in this house. I refuse to entertain that.)

Ironically, by insisting that people participate in sharing posts when they're already stressed and exhausted, that's a surefire way to make their problems worse, and potentially prevent them from acting helpfully in the future because suddenly, their exhaustion turns into full-blown burnout. That's how it works. Professionals tell you to dial things back if you are too overwhelmed. There is a reason for that. There is a limit to how much people can mentally process and handle. Compassion fatigue exists. For a lot of us, we are already at our limit. We need space to relax, and not have arbitrary obligations thrown on us. That is not our fault, it is not a character flaw, it does not mean we are bad people. And just because horrific things are happening elsewhere, it does not mean we can, or should, stop taking care of ourselves first. Yes, it feels shitty to think, "you know what, I can't reblog this". You bet your ass that I and my friends feel guilty about not being able to engage as much as we think we should, but that is how it goes. I can put my head underwater for a bit. But I cannot keep my head underwater forever. I will drown.

Not to mention the obvious part: guilt-tripping people to the extent of implying they are somehow contributing to genocide, just because they won't reblog a post, and implying they should not be able to live with themselves if they do that, is beyond revolting.

I am angry, and I am not sorry.

So many of those kinds of posts—and they turn up during every set of horrific real world events—sound like people who are in a country far away from the events, diaspora at most but probably just randos, venting their impotent rage because it's the only way they can feel productive in a situation where nothing they can do is productive.

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 4 months

Note

WIBTA for telling my extended family they should not get another dog.

My family has had a really rough year with pet deaths. Of our the four total we had, all but one has passed away. One of my uncle's (70M) dogs, Daphne, passed very suddenly and without warning. I won't put any details to avoid triggering anyone, but it was a very traumatic incident that rocked my uncle to his core, and he barely got to say goodbye.

When my family went over to my uncle's house for Thanksgiving, my aunt and cousins talked about how they were planning to try and convince my uncle should buy another dog. They said the house feels empty without Daphne, and they think buying a new puppy would help fill that gap and make my uncle happier.

I didn't say anything during the holiday, but I think this is a tremendously stupid idea for multiple reasons, and I'm wrestling with whether or not I should tell them off for doing this.

The reasons why I really think they shouldn't get a dog are as follows:

It hasn't been a full year, and I think buying a new dog won't help anyone in the family grieve properly, let alone my uncle.

My uncle would be the sole caretaker of this dog. My aunt is 73, has multiple physical disabilities, and is mentally unstable. I don't trust her around any pets frankly, and I know she is literally, physically incapable of caring for one (she cannot bend down, walk for long periods of time, and spends most of the day confined to bed). None of my cousins who are also contributing to this plan live near my aunt and uncle, so they wouldn't be able to assist with puppy training, walking, days out, etc.

I think it's really underhanded to "convince" my uncle into this decision. I know he's not helpless, but I think this is still cruel to do, especially since he's already thrown away most of Daphne's toys and other dog-related stuff already and may be completely uninterested in getting a new dog, which would just lead to more fights.

As previously mentioned, my extended family isn't young and are pretty old. Not that old people can't take care of pets, but I'm also worried that there's a chance the dog will outlive my aunt and uncle, and I don't know what would happen to the dog in that scenario, which feels just as wrong.

I feel like an AH because I know they're grieving all the lost pets we've had and I do believe they want a dog for good reasons. The problem is I don't want my uncle to struggle with a new puppy that he wouldn't want, and I really don't know what would happen to that puppy in the house's environment (I've felt uncomfortable visiting them because of the health and mental problems my aunt has had) and I don't think the stress of a new puppy would help anyone, even if it would be nice to have a pet.

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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creedslove · 7 months

Note

post-outbreak!Joel settled in Jackson with reader and Ellie and finally having time to workout his feelings for reader but still he has difficulty saying “I love you” even though he does and reader also knows he does so she doesn’t force him?👀

Post-outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: I'm not into post outbreak Joel very much but I loved this baby ❤️

Ways Joel says 'I love you' instead of using words:

• that old broken heart of his has faced so much pain he would rather rip it off and pretend he has never cared about anyone or anything in his life

• it worked well for quite a while, but not when he found himself a family in your and Ellie, when he realized he was back into his brother's life and able to lead a seemingly normal life in the middle of the apocalypse

• so he does what he thinks he's best at: he keeps the people he cares about safe

• that means Ellie, Tommy and above all, you

• he's terrified of failing you at that, he knows he would never be able to go through that pain once more; so he makes sure you are always safe no matter where, no matter what

• sometimes it could be a little annoying to be honest; you didn't want to seem ungrateful or anything, that man acted like a guard dog, which was so comforting and reassuring when you were out in the world, but safely tucked in Jackson? Maybe, and just maybe, horses weren't as bad as Joel made them seem to be and you could easily handle them without him having to be with you

• but you appreciated his company nonetheless; you knew it was one way he found to show his feelings

• Joel was an act of service man, which means he would do anything for you, he just takes his old contractor skills and use them in order to help you with improvements around the house, fixing anything you may need or doing it around the neighborhood in exchange for something else he could gift you later

• that man can't cook, but he does make a mean sandwich and he always makes sure to prepare one for you, because he knows you're always hungry after work

• despite being so... Well... Joel, he tries his best to let you in; he actually talks to you, he just doesn't grunt or mumble yes or no like when he's around anyone else and that already says a lot about how he feels

• but what I mean is that, he lets you in as best as he can. Is he an open book? Definitely not and you already know there are things about him you'll never find out and that's alright, you don't pry into it and he appreciates it. But there are parts of his life he likes to talk about, no matter if he shares a memory of his daughter's first birthday party with you, or he just tells you which were his favorite places to eat at the mall before the outbreak

• he expresses his feelings towards you in physical ways too: no matter if a part of him still has a fight or flight response to physical touch and he still gets tense when you place your hand on him unannounced only to remind himself that you are just showing your love through that touch

• there's the sex in which he not only takes his pleasure but he also pleasures you; it doesn't matter if he is being soft or rough, if it's playful or urgent, if it's a full session or a quickie in the stables, he loves to make you cum. His tongue, his fingers, his cock, his thighs, anything that does the job he is glad as long as you are enjoying as well

• he isn't a cuddling type of man; first the heartbreak with Sarah's mom and then the whole outbreak and what mankind became contributed to that; Joel simply isolated himself from human touch, telling himself he didn't care about it and it wasn't necessary

• but he only realized how much he'd really missed it when you offered it to him; and he tried fighting it off, thinking of it as weakness, but he had a low resistance to your touch, that was for sure

• hugging, holding, stroking, massaging, kissing, rubbing, snuggling were things Joel only tried with you, after being sure he would spend the rest of his days in complete loneliness

• and you never made of fun him or pointed out the fact that he once avoided it all that and now he craved it, he loved it and he initiated it too because it showed how much he needed you as well

• so he still had a problem saying all those three words, but he could only sleep if he had you all over him

• he just loved rubbing your back up and down, feeling the softness of your skin under his rough, calloused and bruised hands

• and he isn't afraid of placing your hand on his head, showing he would like some hair playing just like a puppy would ask for pets and you just melt at how relaxed he gets when you run your fingers through his hair

• it's just Joel letting his guard down around you

• he isn't great at PDA, but he will hold hands with you, or he will have his arm wrapped around your waist and he will pull you to dance with him at a party, he prefers dancing with you to some old record in his living room, but he isn't missing the opportunity of showing everyone else how much he loves you, even if he doesn't say it

• he plays you love songs in his guitar, singing along with the lyrics even if it makes him a little shy, but he does it because it makes your eyes light up and your cheeks turn pink

• he still has a hard time saying those words, he knows he needs to improve that, but at the same time, he knows that you know and while you aren't afraid to voice how much you love him, he isn't afraid of showing it

____

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #pedro pascal x you #pedro pascal x y/n #pedro pascal fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfic #pedro pascal headcanon #pedro pascal headcanons #joel miller #joel miller x reader #joel miller x you #joel miller x y/n #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller fanfic #joel miller headcanon #joel miller headcanons

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thegreenthepeacetheorange · 6 months

Text

Everlark (Catching Fire, Ch. 11)

probably one of my fave everlark-heavy chapters and one i believe is so important and so huge for their relationship development. it's long but please bear with me because it's such a great chapter and there's so much to say and it'll be worth it!!! this is my best one

i love how haymitch and peeta have just become a part of katniss's family. like they don't seem out of place just sitting playing chess in her house.

peeta instantly picking up on her being hurt when she makes that noise and holding her steadily once he does

peeta carrying katniss up the stairs and tucking her into bed

katniss catching and holding his hand to keep him there and trying to fight off her lowered inhibitions due to the sleep syrup. that whole 'drunk words are sober thoughts' thing. she's fighting hard to 'control her tongue' but man, i wish she would've let go. there she goes keeping secrets from us again as the unreliable narrator

her holding his hand against her face, him warming her hand in his own. ugh. HANDS.

"stay with me" - the fact that she doesn't tell us what peeta says here but we know from mockingjay that he says 'always.' more evidence that peeta was endgame, carefully constructed by suzanne collins herself, from chapter one of book one

peeta being a husband and making sure katniss gets her daily cheese buns. for so much of the trilogy so far, we have seen gale be synonymous with providing for katniss and her family through hunting but peeta was that figure when he gave her the burnt bread and he's also that figure now, constantly providing her family with bread, keeping them fed and warm.

it is so IMPORTANT that katniss includes peeta in her family plant book project. it is her family book, passed on through generations. her mother and father worked on it together. it is so deeply hers and she lets him in. she lets him become a part of her family book by asking him to draw the pictures and including him in the process. i actually can't overstate the importance of this. this is something they do together that also later, after the war, becomes a crucial part of their healing process (and haymitch also ends up contributing - family!). at this point in the trilogy, he is her family.

i'm just going to include most of this passage and do a full on analysis of it because it is IMPORTANT:

I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of colour to our previously black and yellowish book. His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him. I've seen flashes of this before: in the arena, or when he speaks to a crowd, or that time he shoved the Peacekeepers' guns away from me in District 11. I don't know quite what to make of it. I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden colour and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks. One afternoon, Peeta stops shading a blossom and looks up so suddenly that I start, as though I were caught spying on him, which in a strange way maybe I was. But he only says, "You know, I think this is the first time we've ever done anything normal together." "Yeah," I agree. Our whole relationship has been tainted by the Games. Normal was never a part of it. "Nice for a change."

her fully checking him out as he works, his hands, his eyelashes. katniss describes him so poetically, like the sunshine slanting in from the window. what a romantic setting. she is constantly talking about him in sunlight (this is just one example) and it's like, in her eyes, there's always this glow around him, this light radiating from him. and then she gets caught checking him out.

peeta can make a blank page bloom with colour. and there we go with the language of growth again. this boy who radiates hope, possibility for katniss. this boy that she associates with life and with the growth of dandelions. he breathes life into things - in this case, her family book.

katniss is so intrigued by and deeply, carnally into his intensity. like she is down bad for him here. all her examples are examples of him protecting her: in the arena, in interviews, from the peacekeepers. she is so into this charming, dominant, protective, passionate side of him that i don't know how people can say she isn't romantically/sexually into him. like the proof is there. she doesn't know what to make of it because this side of him scratches an itch that she hasn't allowed herself to confront until now (and not even now, because she's unsure here but it's there. and we know she'll confront it after the war when she mentally can)

so far, katniss has been thinking that her relationship with peeta is the capitol's design. it is overwhelmed the the games, by the capitol, by snow, by the cameras, the flashing lights, the crowds, the having to 'act up' element of it, that katniss is constantly trying to tell herself that her connection to peeta is inauthentic in so many ways. but here, we see them in a 'normal' moment. a quiet intimate moment. a moment just for them. and it seems like bliss. removed from all the other capitol-forced elements, they choose to sit together and work on her family book and it is such a truly lovely moment for them. and it's not singular. while katniss is injured, they do it for a lengthy time. and i think that this particular chapter, this particular era of their relationship, post-victory tour and pre-quarter quell announcement, is when their relationship really develops to the point of katniss fully being in love with him. i think she was falling for him long before, and the victory tour also solidified them more but here, removed from the games and the capitol, given a sense of normalcy, i think katniss really got a taste of what life with peeta would be like, in all his shades. his kindness, his goodness, his intensity. she was thinking about all of it. him carrying her up and down stairs, bringing her bread, showing his passion/artistic talents, him just being there for her and her family, him looking after and protecting her despite her 'choosing' gale, how he looks, how he works, how he smiles and laughs, how he touches her. because of these days, she gets to the point where she's willing to die and leave prim and her mother behind to ensure peeta lives.

#everlark #tgtpto everlark read #katniss and peeta #peeta x katniss #katniss x peeta #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #catching fire #the hunger games

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radfemverity · 9 months

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Tucker Carlson's interview with misogynist, human trafficker and rapist Andrew Tate has been endorsed by Elon Musk, the man who brought Tate among many other reactionary and far-right commentators back to Twitter when he purchased the platform.

There is nothing spontaneous about Musk doing this, and if you're surprised then you're a fool. This has never been about upholding free speech - hence why you've never seen any of these men promote interesting left-wing thinkers.

The ‘SJW’/‘woke’/progressive Left, as unbearably annoying as so many of them are, just keep getting proven right.

They said Nick Fuentes and Kanye were Holocaust-denying anti-semites.

They said Jordan Peterson supported rapists, and didn't believe women should have legal equality.

They said Ben Shapiro and Matt Walsh would use the gender critical movement to blame gay people and women for any and all degeneracies.

They said Tucker Carlson and Elon Musk's recent ‘free speech’ moves were about repositioning themselves so that they could more effectively elevate the voices of overt extremists.

Again and again, their accusations are ageing like fine wine. The reactionary right’s mask is well and fully off.

Andrew Tate, Elon Musk, Tucker Carlson, Jordan Peterson, Ben Shapiro, Matt Walsh, Joe Rogan, Konstantin Kissin, Paul Joseph Watson, Ian Miles Cheong, Andy Ngo, Michael Malice, Elijah Schaffer, Zuby, Milo Yionnopoulous, Tommy Robinson, Nick Fuentes, Kanye West, Donald Trump… obviously some of these men could dislike each other, I can't imagine Shapiro and Fuentes at the same house party.

But their ideal societies don't look too different. None of these mens’ do. Because any racial, religious or ethnic prejudices they have against each other will come second to their common-ground.

The organised reaction against this brand of progressivism that has rapidly come to monopolise every sector of public life in the last 10 years, is well and truly underway. Musk, Carlson and Tate have given us the sign. And while I pretty heavily dislike the current ‘woke’ progressive ideology (and have a lot of questions about its top-down cultural spread), I'm scared of these guys way more. And if you're anything but a straight man who doesn’t care about any demographic besides straight men, you should be too.

The reason I say ‘straight men’ and not ‘straight white men’ is because, come on, the reactionary right is more racially diverse than most left-wing groups at this point. 😂😂 White nationalists the world over have bent the knee to a mixed-race man who admitted moving to an Eastern European country because of their more lax laws on sexual assault, and in turn, the ease he would have in exploiting the local women in the country’s already active sex-trafficking trade.

White nationalists (whose role in the reactionary right cannot be discarded any more, after Trump and Kanye had a personal dinner with Nick Fuentes) feel more of an affiliation with a non-white, human trafficking violent rapist, despite evidence of his crimes having been public for a while now, than they do with his WHITE victims.

Jordan Peterson, whose daughter has revolved her entire public image around him, who works with and for him, and whose lingerie photographs were retweeted by him, made a dogwhistle in May about women having their right to vote retracted.

Examples of men devaluing the contributions and rights of the women in their families, communities and wider societies are withstanding the test of time, over and over again, because no matter where in the world they are, and no matter what tensions the different religions, cultures, ethnicities and races of men have with each other, there are traits that unite them all. Misogyny is the most obvious one.

The men of these diverse, far-reaching societies, in many ways feel far more of a kinship to each other, than they do to any woman, girl, gay person, disabled person, mother, child, or any other demographic.

The pendulum always swings back, and now that we know these men have got the owner of the world's biggest social media platform on their side, that is a major sign it could be coming soon. Be on guard and look after each other gyns ❤️

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gurugirl · 3 months

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My Tumblr Babes!! 💕 BFD!Harry

Tomorrow I'll be posting a special Valentine's Day Best Friend's Dad Harry. I'm working on it now and it's super sweet and fluffy and smutty. Can't wait to share it with y'all! Not sure what time I'll post it but here's a glimpse of what's in the works...

. . .

The lease on your apartment was coming up. Harry wanted to move you both out of your little place and find something with more space. You would go wherever he went without question but you did warn him you were still jobless. Your contribution would be minimal but he only assured you that he was going to take care of you and he didn’t want your money.

Every weekend for the past few weeks had been dedicated to finding a new place. Apartments and houses alike.

“Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day,” you suddenly remembered as you spoke from the passenger side of Harry’s car as he drove you to look at a place that was having an open house.

“I know,” he reached across to put his hand on your thigh, “Did you forget?”

You laughed, “I totally did. I think with everything going on it just didn’t cross my mind. But I saw that sign outside of Scasi’s restaurant about their Valentine’s Day special just now.”

“So you’re saying you didn’t plan anything romantic for us?” Harry teased.

“I did not. What would you like Mr. Styles? A night out on the town? Some flowers? Cologne maybe?” You laughed when he squeezed at your thigh.

“Why not all of it?”

You looked toward his profile and laid your palm over his hand, “I’ll give you all of that if you want.”

Harry glanced at you with his dimpled grin, “Baby, I know you would. But I’ve already got something planned for us. Think you’ll like it.”

You adjusted yourself in your seat and angled your body toward his, “Oh yeah? What have you got planned then?”

“You’ll see soon enough.”

The three-bedroom house at the edge of town was adorable. But it wasn’t a rental. Which had you a little surprised. The backyard was plenty big for landscaping (which it was in desperate need of), the master bedroom faced the big ugly backyard but the ensuite bathroom was to die for. All upgraded finishes with a soaker tub and a steam shower.

The kitchen, however, was your favorite. The stove was one of those fancy chef’s stoves with the red knobs. The refrigerator was built into shelving and at first glance looked like a tall cabinet.

“Harry this is a lot. Three bedrooms?” He had your hand in his as you both walked around the space.

“It’s a lot for us right now. But what if we have a baby one day? And that backyard? Ugly as sin right now but I love to garden and I know we could make that something really special. For us. For a family here if we wanted.”

bfd harry tag list: @zayndrivesmeinvain @i83andrew @shamelessfangirl-3 @onceagainace @stoneyggirl2 @fairytale07 @princessaxoo @littlenatilda @stylesfever @whoreonmondays @harryspirate @lovrave @missstyles4 @cherryluvhobi @ladscarlett @hisparentsgallerryy @chesthairrry @oscarissacsslut

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bloodybreakupscene · 10 months

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heyyaa, HOW ARE YOUUU? ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡

i hope you’re doing well!! i was wondering if i could request some gwen stacy x fem! reader dating headcanons! 🙏🙏

please and thank youu!!!<33

-> 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊.

gwen stacy x fem! reader

-> gwen stacy dating headcannons (⁠◠⁠‿⁠・⁠)⁠—⁠☆

-> hello!!! i'm doing good thank u for sending this in, the idea is so cute ^__^ hopefully i did ur request justice (⁠╥⁠﹏⁠╥⁠) , n e wayzz she def listens to alex g she is the number one alex g fan ♡⁠(⁠˃͈⁠ ⁠દ⁠ ⁠˂͈⁠ ⁠༶⁠ ⁠)

• i feel like she’d confess first, but it’d be in private and right after you two hung out so that way if you'd reject her she could quickly run back home never to be seen again. but, her overthinking was all in vain, as you accepted her confession.

"and i've felt this way, for. . a while! and it's okay if you don't feel the same way—"

"aw, i'd love to be your girlfriend, gwen."

"i know i know it's weird—"

"gwen i like you too."

"i knew you wouldn't feel the same way but i just—"

"GWEN."

• at the beginning of your guys' relationship she feels very insecure and is unsure of herself, she knows she's closed off, she knows she's not the prettiest, but all of these thoughts seem to vanish as you hold onto her hand and give her a soft smile, a smile that reaches the depths of her heart and ignites a feeling of emotions she hadn't felt in a long while.

• all of your hangouts before felt like dates to her, so she doesn't really have the need to go out to a fancy restaurant or go to the park for a picnic, she feels as if there's enough romance and passion within your hangouts it could count as a date.

• she keeps her identity from you, it's a huge secret, like a lock it in a safe and throw away the key kinda secret. her identity already cost her one lover, she doesn't want it to cost her another.

"what are your thoughts on spiderwoman?

"hm? oh! uh, i don't really care for her."

"haha that's kinda funny, i don't either but i thought you would!"

"what makes you say that? 😒"

"i don't know, i always see you after i see her, so i thought you were a fan or somethin' i dunno 😣"

• loves touring music stores with you, she'll always try and show off her knowledge about the drums because it's the one thing she feels confident in, she'll go on and on about it as you watch how her face lights up and lips curl up in a smile as she talks.

• speaking of music, she loves, LOVES, listening to music with you. she believes that music says a lot about a person's aesthetic, personality, taste, etc. so when you both are just sitting on the school bus, on a field trip, you'll share a pair of headphones listening to a playlist you both contributed to.

• she doesn't deal well with jealousy, she'll let it bubble inside her until it goes away, which it eventually does. whenever gwen sees you with another person she can't help but imagine that you like them better than her, that you'll eventually see that she isn't the best and that you deserve better.

• aside from this, you guys are a very cute couple! no denying that. she'll most likely spend more time at your house than hers, being around you and your family is (embarrassingly) one of her favorite things, just watching a movie or helping with dinner makes her life feel normal and domesticated.

"do you wanna come over for dinner tonight? my mom's making [insert dish here]."

"duh, oh my god her food is so good!"

"pfft, you're so cute 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩"

• cuddling is her favorite thing to do with you, whether its at your home or hers she just enjoys embracing you because it's a situation where she feels calm. her father walked in on the two of you holding each other, fast asleep on the couch completely disregarding whatever movie you were watching. he's glad his daughter has moved on and finds comfort in you.

#fanfic #spider woman #spiderwoman x reader #gwen stacy #gwen stacy x reader #gwen stacy x you #gwen stacy x y/n #atsv #atsv x reader #atsv x you #atsv x y/n #into the spider verse #itsv x reader #itsv x you #wlw

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itsastrobixch · 1 year

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ASTROLOGY OBSERVATIONS PART 5 🌹Chiron in 1st house people can't seem to relax in pictures. They always either seem tensed, drawn like a bow string in photos.

🌹Lilith in 4th in my opinion isn't just not getting along with the women in their family, but being and growing up alienated from their relatives and family. They loose touch with their ancestral roots or there is some sort of shame associated with their identity in that regard. It's like they almost try to reject that part of themselves when presenting themselves to others. they are ashamed of, in this case, anything to do with certain facets of their family.

🌹Count yourself lucky if an air sign comes to you with their problems, and ask for ur opinion. They may seem confident, just like fire signs and like they can handle it all on their own, but while fire signs bulldoze through the issue without thinking twice, the air people have come up with 1000's of ways this scenario could play out and are internally freaking out lmao

🌹Mercury aspecting Neptune people are either excellent liars and manipulators ( in the sense they can manipulate any situation to their advantage) or they suck at lying and everyone knows when they're bluffing. It's usually indicated by the positive or negative aspects, both planets make.

🌹I don't know where the bad rep about having Natal mercury Rx and communication comes from. people say They turn the influence of mercury inwards, an in some ways, yeah true. They may make the individuals think things much more thoroughly before they talk, Make sure their point is clearly communicated etc etc. This actually makes them an excellent communicator. It doesn't interfere with the expression of mercury in my opinion. For that, we have to look at the sign mercury's present in and the aspects it makes.

🌹Sun conjunct Mercury people usually read a lot, and the sign it conjuncts in can show their favorite genre or the themes they may like in their books. For ex : I have it in Libra and of course I'm a sucker for those sweet sweet romance and Smutty novels.

🌹Libras are NOT pushovers. we need to emphasise this more lol. They will look like they're fluttering around here and there trying to decide on something. But in actuality they have already decided and they just weighing the pros and cons of that. Yeah they are an air sign but they're cardinal air. You can't convince cardinal people to move a fingernail if they don't wanna lmao

🌹Uranus and or Mercury in 3rd house, the house of mind, have a lot of ideas. But they're all either scattered or they come and go in a fleet, with the person not even conscious of it, much less process it and write it down. But sometimes their ideas are electric and revolutionary, especially Uranus, solving stuff in very unconventional ways and surprising everyone with their eccentric genius.

🌹If an air sign texts u DAILY, keeps in touch with you DAILY, then they love you lmao.. they take a minimum of 3 to 6 business days to text people back..so if they do it daily, consider yourself occupying a high position in an air signs life 😂

🌹Venus - Neptune pisces venus 🤝 Venus Pluto scorpio venus : Falling for unattainable and elusive people and giving them more chances than they deserve.

🌹The ascendant of your ascendant persona chart also determines some of your physical features, it's not just your asc that determines your physical structure, and your ascendant of your ascendant persona chart isn't just how people see you. The sign your ascendant persona is in will contribute some factors in your appearance too. Along with the planets in 1st house if u have any.

🌹For example a sag rising with a Taurus in their asc persona, will have good thighs and legs but will also be very curvy and soft, with full lips and some venusian features.

🌹 Venus Pluto and scorpio venus people, being in love is their addiction. Not the person they fall in love with like most people assume, but the feelings their lover evoke in them, the way they lose themselves in their partner, and become one with them, that is their addiction.

🌹word of the wise : don't argue with people who have personal planets in Virgo. You'll be humiliated and proved wrong. Straight up. They don't get into arguments which aren't logical or which they aren't sure they'll win. So they go in prepared and armed. They're masters of rubbing Salt in the wounds

🌹 this is just a theory, but hear me out. Our 1st house and the planets in them have a large influence on our appearance. But..i also think, our 6th house plays a part in it too. Our 6th house affects our appearance too but in am indirect way. Our 6th house rules our health right and under that comes our weight, likes and dislikes in terms of food, our BMI etc.

🌹 case on point, me. So I'm a Sagittarius ascendant, and I have good hips and thighs. But I'm not tall. And I'm very much curvy. Although sag rising tends to produce that too, I've a fuller venusian figure. And i have Taurus in 6th house.

#astrology #zodiac #astro notes #astrology observations #zodiac signs #astrology notes #astro signs #astrology signs #astrology community #astro community #asteroids #asteroids in astrology #astroblr #mine #astro posts #astro observations

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storiesofsvu · 4 months

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Solace in Solitude Ch 7

Eventual Emily Prentiss x reader warnings: language, alcohol, nicotine and weed consumption, mentions of trauma/death, nightmares & anxiety. Yup!! She is back y'all!! Let's just say I got very bored of writing for bingo, things are not very Christmasey around here so I decided to try and finish this entire thing by New Year's. Now, i doubt that'll happen, but i'm still aiming for a chapter per day meaning 4-5 more chapters by NYE which honestly is just under what I have planned for this series. I wanted this one to be better, I can't lie, but in the new year we will move on to a new series and it will be wonderful! Happy Holidays!!

Emily kept her braids in until the next time her hair needed to be washed, if you had said anything she would say it was purely out of convenience and nothing else. But she knew that she actually liked it, she felt as if a new style was something that would help her move on to a new phase of life, not to mention you were a wizard when it came to braiding her slowly growing bangs into the braids and keeping them off her face. A new, different look was her way of leaning into Valerie, making herself more comfortable with the idea of everything and sticking around Paris while she waited for it to all come to an end.

She finally had enough energy to get out of the apartment, making it down the block to the corner store to pick up a few things. You’d been working later and longer hours, mentioning something about picking up a new research project in passing one day (that or you were hiding at the hospital, she wasn’t entirely sure). Thanks to that, things around the apartment had started to get a little on the lacking side when it came to chores. Emily didn’t mind, she spent most of the time in her room anyway and she could always get food delivered. But she did feel a bit bad if she wasn’t contributing at all, especially considering the last time she washed her hair you wordlessly braided it without her even having to ask.

So she’d began using her daily out of the house walks to not only get some more energy and strength back, but to pick up a few things for the apartment. Some days it was food, others coffee and she’d taken up the habit of replacing the flowers in the living room whenever they started to wilt. It was another small change in her routine that was helping her feel more human once again and she was finally starting to get comfortable being outside and not being completely on edge the entire time. She used the time to start upping her profiling skills again, the city streets of Paris the perfect place to grab a cup of coffee and people watch. She didn’t really care if she was correct with her hypothesises, it got her brain working again and she felt bad whenever she caught herself profiling you at home.

That didn’t mean she couldn’t tell that you were getting more tired with each day that went by, mentally drained by living the life you hadn’t chosen. She knew that one all too well at this point. So she did her best to keep the apartment in order without overworking herself and keeping out of your way, which in the long run was benefitting her too.

Currently Emily was out on the balcony, her usual home for the time in the evenings when you overlapped and her second favourite place to people watch from. The sun had already began its decent, the sky painted with colours of teal and purple when she heard the door open and shut inside the apartment. Her eyes flicked to the cigarette in her hand, wondering if she should stub it out before you saw it but figured she was already ratted out by the scent wafting through the air, not to mention the half pack of butts in the ash tray. She took another drag of it, watching a family of three on the street below her, the girl in between her parents, a hand holding each of them as she skipped her way down the sidewalk and her lips curved up into a brief grin. The thought of setting out on a nice family adventure on a Friday night, her imagination took hold, ideas flowing through her brain about the multitude of places they could be headed.

She was broken out of the daydream by the sound of you quite literally kicking off your shoes and throwing your bag into your room. The tell tale sign of what she first thought was the fridge opening, the sound of ice cubes being dumped into a glass proving her wrong, that you’d gone for the freezer instead, the glug of the high end bourbon you’d stashed in the pantry flowing into her ears next. She thought the next sound would be the closing of your bedroom door as you disappeared for the night and nearly jumped when you stepped out onto the balcony beside her, swiping the back of cigarettes from the small table. It happened so fast she couldn’t even let out a noise of objection before you spoke, snagging the lit cigarette from practically between her lips.

“Give me that.” You muttered.

“I- hey!” She groaned, her brow furrowing when she looked up at you to find you using her smoke to light your own, the pack already back on the table.

Before she could fully process what was going on her cigarette was back between her fingers and you were dropping into the empty chair, a heavy sigh escaping your lips as you sunk even deeper into it. She let silence overtake the balcony so you could use the time to decompress, shift from your doctor self into your home self and no doubt relax a little bit. She finished her smoke, stubbing it out in the ash tray not long after you’d lit yours. She debated going back inside but felt like her skin was still itching, desperate for more nicotine so without even glancing in your direction she picked up the pack, pulling the lighter from her pocket to light a second one while she prepared for the nagging she was about to receive. Instead you simply took another drag, shoulders sagging as smoke slipped from your lips into the cooling night air.

“Nothing, really?” She couldn’t help herself, nearly laughing as she pocketed the lighter, “I thought you of all people would be coming out here to lecture me about the dangers of smoking.”

You let out a scoff of a laugh, “it’s fucking France, everyone smokes.” Your eyes flicked down to the ash tray and your lips curved into a frown, “I won’t lecture you but you might wanna slow down on how many you have per day.”

“Not exactly like I have much else to do.”

“Yeah well, find a hobby or something.” You took another drag, “there’s a bakery two streets over with the best stuff in the city. You could make your walks longer.”

“Hmm.” Emily replied, the acknowledgement that she had been leaving the house and helping out was all either of you needed to discuss on the matter. You weren’t in the mood to be the rule maker right now, that was very clear.

Silence took over the balcony once more and as much as she didn’t mean to, Emily’s eyes flickered over to you, examining your body language, her profiler gears turning. You looked even more mentally tired than you had the last time she’d seen you, not that there were bags under your eyes, but the look of utmost defeat within them. You sunk down so deep into the chair, pulling your legs up into it, curling around yourself as if to protect yourself from the outside world. Your gaze lingered on the skyline, not daring to dart down to the street where people occasionally milled below and every drag of the cigarette between your fingers was long, deep, like someone who desperately needed a more intense vice they hadn’t indulged in in years.

“Rough day?” She finally asked, her voice soft, quiet enough you could ignore it if you wanted to.

“Yeah.” You replied, flicking the ash off your smoke while you glanced down, sighing heavily. “Lost a patient.” Emily watched as your staring contest with the sky ended and your eyes flitted through the street beneath you, “little girl, couldn’t have been more than eight. Came in ‘cause she fell off her bike, complaining of arm pain, admitting doctor said she was wearing a helmet and the initial exam was clear. She was alert, talkative, just the cutest fucking thing, reminded me a lot of my sister at that age. We figured it was a broken arm and were waiting for the x-ray line up to clear up to confirm.” You took a heavy breath, a long drag of your smoke and Emily knew the twist was coming, “turned out the Dad was lying to Mom about the helmet, he didn’t want to get in trouble for not enforcing the rules, thought it didn’t matter that the poor girl bonked her head. We didn’t catch the brain bleed in time…” You trailed off, your eyes glassy as they returned to the sky.

“I’m so sorry…” Emily whispered and you shook your head,

“A family doesn’t come back from that. Guilt’ll eat you alive, Mom’ll likely never forgive Dad, he’ll go insane trying to right a wrong he can’t fix.”

“Can only hope he takes it out on himself and not someone else.” She muttered, shaking her own head and she instantly felt your eyes on her.

“You see a lot of that in your line of work?”

“Unfortunately, yeah.” She sighed, “something like today would be a stressor, it builds up higher and higher, fucks with your brain until you can’t take it anymore and it just sparks an explosion. He’s never gonna be able to look at another little girl on a bike again. He’ll see parents who let their kids ride without helmets as unfit, villains, could start lashing out towards them, likely verbally at first before a trigger hits. Could be divorce papers, could be the family ostracizing him, one month, six month, one year anniversary of her death, then he loses it…”

“Mmm.” In any other situation you would have been impressed by the way her brain worked, but right now all you were consumed by was grief, a weak laugh escaping through your lips as you should your head, “god we’re depressing.”

“At least you don’t have to sleep during the day.” She muttered and you let out a small laugh.

“We can adjust your meds again.” You replied before you glanced down to your smoke, your head titling before you looked up at Emily, “though there is something else we haven’t tried…. I mean, we’re already smoking.”

It took a moment for the realization to wash over her, her eyes widening when she realized what you were talking about, “is that legal here?” She whipped her phone out, hastily typing before she nearly shot you a glare, “no! It is not.”

“Oh don’t be a fucking narc,” you rolled your eyes, your voice quieting to not be overheard, “you’re not a fucking fed right now, and it’s fine if it’s medical.”

“That’s gotta be some kind of illegal abuse of your medical licence.”

“Yeah well… I wasn’t the one who shot some guy’s ear off for a threat.” You deadpanned and Emily choked on her words, grimacing as she settled back in her chair instead of trying to stop you as you stood, “a couple of puffs now, we’ll eat a late dinner, finish the joint and go to bed. If it helps you sleep, I’ll get you a prescription.”

“Fine.” She grumbled, willing to try anything at this point to get her back to a normal schedule, knowing that one day she was going to have to work through the day and sleep through the night again. She couldn’t keep this up forever.

You’d been the first to tap out, the exhaustion of a full work day on top of the glass of bourbon and weed, once your stomach was full, you were down for the count, saying goodnight and quickly heading to your bedroom. Emily felt fine, a little cloudy but relaxed, comforted almost and she knew it was probably not the greatest idea but she sipped on a glass of wine after you went to bed, feeling the night sink into the city. She thought nothing of it as she went through her normal nighttime routine, even though it was hours earlier, her eyes were drooping, it was at least time for a nap. She locked the balcony door behind her, washed the couple of dishes in the sink, filled up a glass of water and made sure the alarm was set. She washed her face, brushed her teeth and took whatever meds she normally did before bed and curled up under the blankets, letting out a soft sigh as she did so, sleep taking over much quicker than normal.

The major conflict being that Emily’s body was used to the new sleep schedule she’d implemented, the one that started at dawn and went ‘til dusk. Meaning it had been roughly twelve hours, not twenty four since she’d last taken her meds and even with the added weed, she’d only been awake four hours by the time you got home, there was no way it was actually bedtime for her. She could practically feel herself tossing and turning, her mind racing as images began to plague her dreams.

Though this time it wasn’t just Ian, they were at the villa, there was a weird haze over the entire thing but she was playing with Declan, wide smile on her face as he laughed while she chased him around. At first she looked like Lauren; Declan was as small as she remembered until Ian showed up and a darkness enveloped the room. She could feel her heart pounding, a gasp escaping her lips as she frantically looked around for the boy who was suddenly nowhere to be seen. Unlike the last nightmare this time it was as if she was having an out of body experience, watching the entire thing like it was a movie. She watched the fear spread across her own face as her hair darkened, became straighter, bruises started to purple up on her skin as Ian laughed at her.

“You’ll never find him. You’ll never be able to protect him.” He jeered, “he’s my boy after all. You gave up that chance, didn’t you?”

Blood started to stain her shirt, forming a circle on her lower abdomen before she let out a groan, hands shooting to the wound, trying to hold it together as red streaks began to drip down her clothing. She couldn’t help but collapse to her knees, choking on her own breath as she tried to speak, desperate to find the boy before he did.

“Declan….” She cried out.

Instead of his perfect blue eyes popping up from behind the couch, Ian’s hand wrapped around her throat, forcing her face up to his.

“He is my son.” He spat, “and nothing, not even you, will keep me from him.”

“Please!”

“Em!” A voice rang out, a hand closed around her shoulder and she could see it, the bodyless limb in her nightmare as she continued to sob. She felt like she was going to throw up, “Emily!” It repeated, this time louder, “hey! Wake up!” Her vision began to spin, blurring as the scene in front of her slowly vanished and suddenly she was jolted into her Parisian bedroom, the nightstand light on, casting a glow though the room and she realized it was your voice that was soothing her. “Hey… I’m here.. it’s okay.” You assured her, watching the way she slowly blinked to life, her chest heaving as her eyes darted around the room and she instantly shot up, shuffling back on the bed as if she was about to be hit.

“I-“ she struggled to find the words, her eyes flicking from each spot of the room that was a little too dark for comfort to the window, making sure it was shut before she felt your hand on hers, your thumb soothing across the back of it.

“You’re okay.” You repeated, “he doesn’t know where you are. You’re safe, I promise.”

She took a moment, calming her heavy breaths, not even bothering to wipe the tears away as she fought against every instinct in her to run out of the room right then. Grounding herself by the warmth of your hand on hers, the weight of your body next to her on the bed, knowing that this was reality, not the scene in her head moments prior. Once you could tell she was back on earth your free hand reached out to the nightstand, flicking through her pill bottles until you found the anti anxiety, twisting it open to hand her one.

“Here.” She took it from you, popping it under her tongue and waiting for it to dissolve. “You’ll feel better in a bit, get some rest.” You began to shift from the bed, knowing how much she hated when you even attempted to coddle her and she let out an uncharacteristic whimper, her hand instantly tightening in yours.

“Wait!” You were halfway standing when you turned back to her, frowning at the tears blurring in her eyes, “stay… please? Just for now.”

“Okay.” You shot her a weak smile, shifting back onto the bed, your heart sinking at the way the tears were still leaking over her cheeks, the way her body would occasionally shake in fear. Whatever tonight’s nightmare had been about was clearly affecting her more than the last one. You adjusted the blankets, making sure they were wrapped around her, and covering you enough you wouldn’t get cold and you were taken aback at the way she nearly collapsed against you, holding onto you as if you were the only thing keeping her from slipping back into another nightmare. “Hey…” you squeezed at her softly, “talk to me… please.”

“Thought you weren’t a shrink.” She bit back and you let out a huff.

“I know the basics, and you need to talk. You need someone right now and I’m the one that’s here, so let me be what you need, even if you hate it.” You felt the vibration of her grumble against you, your free hand soothing up and down her back, “wanna maybe start with who Declan is?”

Emily tensed in your arms, unaware that you’d heard that much, wondering just how much she was willing to share tonight before she let out a shuddering breath, “Doyle’s son.”

“Just… his…?” You asked cautiously and she let out another wavery huff.

“Yes.” Her hand reached up to wipe away a stray tear, “my job was to seduce him, but I mean, I was careful. I even slept with him and I don’t do that.”

“Well even I know sleeping with an international terrorist isn’t likely a good idea.” You muttered back.

“I meant men.” She replied and you almost stiffened beside her.

“Oh…”

Silence filled the room once again as she continued to try to calm her thudding heart, the medicine you’d given her slowly coursing through her veins.

“My job was to keep Declan safe, even afterwards. That’s why I moved to D.C, not because of the BAU, but because it was close to him. I thought I was safe for so long after Doyle was arrested, that things were fine, that he’d never find us again but I was wrong. If he managed to break out of prison, find me and completely destroy me… again… what’s stopping him now?” She took a shuddering breath and your arms tightened around her.

“He thinks you’re dead.” You whispered softly, “even if he hacks into Boston hospital records, that’s what he’ll find.”

“I just want to feel safe.” She sniffled again and you held back the instinct to wipe the new tear away, not wanting to end this chapter of her feeling comfortable talking to you, feeling vulnerable with you. “I knew he wanted to kill me, that he wanted me dead and I had the upper hand and didn’t take it. I died. I actually died in the ambulance and all I felt was… cold.. and darkness… that can’t be it.” Her hand clutched at your shirt again, “that can’t be the end…”

“It wasn’t.” You assured her softy, your hand slowly rubbing up and down her back, “and it won’t be. You deserve so much more than that, okay?”

“I just want to forget him.”

“I know.”

________________

@daddy-heather-dunbar @mandy-asimp @leftoverenvy @dextur @supercriminalbean @daffodil-heart @its-soph-xx @just-a-torn-up-masterpiece @hopelesslyfallenninlove @peanutbutterprincess @emilyprentisssluvr @lex13cm @zizzlekwum @emobabeyy @riveramorylunar @s1ut4nat @scorpsik @happenstnces @sapphicprentiss @geekyandgay98 @pagetboobstarcomments @onmykneesformarvel @inlovewithemilyprentiss @desperate-gay @amypoehlfey @overtrred28 @theclassicgaycousin @regalmilfs4me @ara-a-bird @five-bi-five-mind @niyizh @inlovewithmiddleagewomen @hotchs-bitch @ollysmulti @kmc1989 @irishavengersassemble @romanoffsho @ratsnestinmyhair @assgardangod @originalbrunettecharacter @hopedoesntknow @dj-bynum3718 @venromanova @waitaminuteashh @noahrex @imlike-so-gaydude @nachofriess @wittygutsy @cx-emerald-cx

#emily prentiss #criminal minds #emily prentiss x reader #solace in solitude #lauren reynolds #emily prentiss fanfic #emily prentiss series

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wizardfrog69 · 1 year

Note

Hello! Can I request Moriarty The Patriot characters including Mycroft as fathers? Like would they be protective, caring, would they spoil them a lot yk just general things basically🤭

Omg that's such I cute idea, I'm always too lazy to include mycroft but I'll include him this time.

'•.¸♡mtp men as fathers♡¸.•'

Mtp x gn!reader (if I make reference to the reader but idk)

Fluff :)

Feat. William, Louis, Albert, Sherlock, John, Mycroft.

Enjoy!

William James Moriarty:

He will be such an excellent father, but won't pay as much attention to the child as he would like.

He is a maths professor so he'll teach his children about maths obviously, but he is occupied by his work at time and cannot spend as much time as he would like.

He will also teach them on like equality and decent human respect and how everyone should be treated equally because at the end of the day we are all homosapiens and shouldn't judge each other due to nasty stereo types and rumours.

Basically his child(ren) are well educated but still go to school cuz like they need to.

Also Louis teaches them basic kitchen skills.

Over all 9/10 father, the whole underground situation isn't the best regarding children yk

Louis James Moriarty:

He is protective as hell, like the house is baby proofed till the child is six or something.

But he will let the child explore its surroundings, especially in nature.

He's they type of guy to baby proof the plastic containers but let them walk to the very edge of a cliff yk.

He wouldn't actually let that happen but you get what I'm trying to say hopefully.

He child grows up around the smell of tea and obviously that's the only thing they drink.

Also he teaches them basic and simple culinary skills!

Louis also would educate his child(ren) about decent human respect and the child's uncle, William will teach them math in his spare time.

9/10 again the very deadly line of work thing isn't the best regarding children yk.

Albert James Moriarty:

He spoils them, need I say more?

Also he encourages them to play with other kids from lower classes.

He would be the most serious about tho and his drinking habits need to be reduced.

The child can't have such influences on its little mind.

Its uncles teach him a lot of things but Albert also contributes.

8/10 after, this time his legal and illegal line of work also his drinking habits, we don't want the child to grow up to be drinking alcohol 24/7.

Sherlock Holmes:

He is the fun dad, like all the kids love him.

But he can be low key scary when serious/angry but other than that he's chill yk.

John is child's favourite uncle, and it thinks Mycroft is low key scary.

Also Ms Hudson gives little Holmes candy cuz she can never resist the little kid.

It's the only reason why Sherlock isn't on the streets.

Also he spoils the kid.

7/10 father, he's like broke, smokes way too much, also his line of work isn't the safest (he got arrested and almost killed someone) but he will try and be careful.

John H. Watson:

He's an amazing father, he's really caring and soft.

He might spoil the child on a rare occasion but nothing too much.

Also if he thinks he'll endanger himself being sherlock's partner or like assistant idk but whatever he is to sherlock during working hours, he'll quit.

He doesn't trust sherlock with his child, like at all, he thinks sherlock will drop it or something.

10/10 father, he makes the child his first priority and shouldn't get shot death regarding his line of work.

Sebastian Moran:

I cannot see him as a father, like at all.

Mycroft Holmes:

He a stubborn father, but he has a soft spot for his child, it's honestly so sweet.

Like he would low key spoil the child but not too much and he'll be a very caring father.

Although when he gets mad or overly irritated the child is told to stop whatever they are doing in a harsher tone and either get told to go to their room or something similar depending on what they are doing.

But he apologise to the child and tells them what they did wrong.

His child will definitely grow up to have manners.

9/10 father, he gets irritated a bit too much.

༺♡༻ 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 ⋆ 𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧 𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊 ༺♡༻

Sorry but bond isn't in here as well :(

I hope the request is to your liking tho!

Take care of yourself as much as you can and have a good day/night!

-love, tired Az :) <3

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ladamedusoif · 4 months

Text

A Cup of Kindness, Yet

Part of the Pickled Peña Writing Challenge

(Challenge graphics and images by @musings-of-a-rose and @trulybetty - thank you!)

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Word Count: 2191

Warnings: Alcohol; smoking; strong language (it’s Javi); post-S3 of Narcos; no physical descriptions of Reader; no use of Y/N.

Rating: Teen

Summary: Another Auld Lang Syne in Laredo, two decades after you last saw in a new year with Javier.

A/N: My submission for the Pickled Peña Writing Challenge organised by @goodwithcheese and the rest of the @pickled-pena collective - thank you for organising this event, everyone! I can't wait to read all the different submissions for these really challenging prompts, and hope you enjoy my contribution.

(PS: if you enjoy this story please follow my writing blog @ladameecrit and turn on notifications - I'm also on AO3.)

“Well? What do you think?”

She twirls around in a black velvet dress, its long sleeves sprinkled with little rhinestones. You have to hand it to her - for a widow in her sixties, your mom still knows how to do glamour.

It’s a pity the same can’t be said for her daughter. You’ve been schlubbing around the house all throughout the holidays in sweatpants, slouch socks, and your oversized college sweatshirt: the perfect “so your fiancé dumped you just before the holidays” cliche.

“You look great, mom. You always do.”

She casts an eye over your attire, your messy hair, your bare face. “You could get dressed and come with me, you know. Might meet someone new? You never know on New Year’s Eve…”

You roll your eyes. “Mom, if you think I’m going to meet the love of my life on New Year’s Eve in Laredo - correction, in Laredo at the community dance - then have I got a bridge to sell you. You’re likely to be one of the hot young things there, going on the usual crowd it attracts.”

She swats at you with her black clutch. “I beg your pardon? I am one of the hot young things.” A final check in the mirror, a final pat to her perfectly-lacquered blow dry.

“All I’m saying is, you never know.”

“And all I’m saying is, this year I’m sticking to my New Year’s resolution: no more men.”

***

“Alright, pop. Have a good time - and no making out with girls down by the river!”

Chucho Peña shakes his head and smiles as he gets out of Javier’s truck, parked outside the community centre. “A pity you won’t join us, mijo,” the older man says, placing his stetson on his head. “You could do with the company.”

Javier shakes his head. “I’m fine, pop. You go and enjoy yourself. You know I don’t like New Year’s, anyway.”

He doesn’t. He never really did. As a kid he liked watching the countdown on TV with his parents and extended family, as a teen the last day of the year became a competition to find someone to make out with as the clock struck midnight. (Javi always excelled.)

But there was always something uncomfortable about the event, something that preyed on the melancholy aspects of his character. Maybe it was the forced celebrations, or the strangeness of marking the passing of time, or the pressure to be someone new - someone better - in the new year ahead.

He’d been trying to be someone new for years, now. He never succeeded.

Back at the ranch, he flips idly through the TV channels and finds nothing to watch. A rumble in his tummy has him peering into the cold light of the refrigerator, confronted with a few cold cuts, cheese, and a half-eaten jar of pickles that’s been there forever. A solitary bottle of beer lurks on the refrigerator door.

“Fuck this.”

He grabs his jacket and keys and heads for his truck.

***

The cashier rings up your two bottles of wine and places them in a plastic carrier bag. They’re young, probably not much older than sixteen, and their New Year’s Eve shift at the convenience store clearly isn’t setting their world alight.

“Havin’ a party, huh,” they mumble as they hand you the bag.

“Oh yeah,” you respond in a tone dripping with sarcasm, unable to keep your sass-mouth in check. “I’m having a huge party, with my two bottles of cheap Californian white.”

“Just makin’ conversation, lady. Y’all have a good night at your wine party, or whatever.”

You huff as you shove the plastic bag on the passenger seat and hop into your car, still rolling your eyes in misplaced frustration at the young cashier. You knew you were in the wrong, taking your heartbreak and loneliness out on a spotty kid working minimum wage. For a moment, you consider driving to a bar, seeking some sort of solace in the company of strangers.

But every bar in town would be celebrating, you remind yourself. The last thing you want is to ring in the new year being felt up by someone’s greasy uncle in an ill-fitting denim shirt and bolo tie, reeking of cheap whiskey.

In that moment, the yellow glow emanating from the signage over the branch of Danny’s Restaurant, across the street, catches your eye like a beacon.

Perfect.

***

Javier’s truck pulls into the parking lot of the convenience store, pausing to let a woman driving a beat-up compact pass on her way out. He’s got his heart set on a half-pounder and fries from Danny’s - extra pickles, extra mayo - but wants to pick up some beers and cigarettes first, to keep him going for the rest of the night.

The cashier rings up his six-pack and Marlboros, sighing as they place them in a bag. “Havin’ a party, huh,” the kid mutters, barely making eye contact with their customer.

“Pretty mean party, just a six-pack and a box of smokes,” Javier responds.

The kid stares up at him. “Whatever. Smokin’s bad for you, anyway.”

Javier wheels around as he exits the store. “I know. Don’t care. Quitting’s my New Year’s resolution so I gotta make the most of them tonight.”

***

“So that’s a Danny’s Special, hold the pickles, extra lettuce, and a Diet Coke?”

You nod up at the waitress and hand her the menu with a smile. You catch a glimpse of your reflection in the window of the restaurant, and for a moment you don’t recognise the woman you see.

When did you get so old, you wonder? Where did you - or at least, the you that used to be - go?

Still, at least you’d put on some 501s, a fresh white scoop neck top, and a long-line cardigan for your first venture outside your family home in several days. Sure, it might just be for a trip to the convenience store and Danny’s, but even you had standards.

The waitress returns with your drink and the usual complimentary tray of chips and salsa. The restaurant is probably a little quieter than usual for this time of the evening: a couple of families in booths here and there, a few lone diners at the counter. As you nibble idly on the chips, you half-notice a dark-haired man coming through the door a little after you, placing his order quickly at the counter before he’s even been seated.

It was just what you were after: no countdowns, no forced merriment, no crowds, but just enough hum and background noise to break up the silence that otherwise awaited you.

“One Danny’s special.”

You thank the waitress and sigh with anticipation as you lift your burger, take your first bite, and find your mouth filled with the overpowering taste of pickles.

***

“Yes, ma’am?”

“Uh, I think my order got mixed up - I asked for no pickles, and this burger has…”

You become aware of the dark-haired man signalling to another staff member behind the counter, pointing at his burger in much the same way as you.

There’s something familiar about him - about his body language, his profile, the way he carries himself.

And then it hits you.

“Javi?”

***

How long has it been? Twenty years? Twenty-five?

No matter the number, when the shock of recognition has the power to jolt you back through time like this. Back to another New Year’s Eve, someone’s shitty house party, most of your senior year classmates wasted on cheap beer and tequila. Still an hour or two before midnight and already the party has split into two camps: the lovers, making out on every conceivable surface, and the fighters, yelling and screeching and walking off.

And then there were those who combined both roles, whose loving felt a lot like fighting and vice versa.

Like Lorraine and Javi.

In your mind's eye, you're back in the upstairs hallway of that house, wearing your new flared jeans and ditsy print blouse and picking your way over classmates and half-drunk plastic cups of beer as you seek out the bathroom.

A couple is rowing in one of the bedrooms, the door ajar enough for you to be able to peek in.

You know you shouldn’t, but…

“You’re such a dick, Javi! You know what you did!”

Ah. Lorraine and Javi. Lovers and fighters.

“You stand there and accuse me, Lorraine, but where were you at the time?”

Lorraine tosses her perfect blonde hair indignantly.

“I’m not even going to dignify that with an answer. Fuck you, Javier.”

She doesn’t even notice you as she flounces out of the room. Same as it ever was. You’d always had a tendency to blend into the background.

Javi notices you, though. “Did you enjoy the show?”

You step around the door and look in at him nervously. “I didn’t mean to overhear, but you guys were pretty loud…”

He’s got his back to you as he sits on the side of the bed, impossibly broad in his tight, striped shirt.

You wander into the room and closer to him, emboldened by a couple of weak beers. “Are you okay?”

His dark eyes look into yours in surprise, as if he’s unused to being asked the question.

“I guess… it’s just - ah, fuck it. She seems to think I’m always cheating on her - and I’m not, I swear - but won’t explain why she’s gotta spend so much time ‘revising’ with other guys.”

“Maybe she’s just helping them prepare for the SATs?”

He looks at you, and you notice the sadness in his eyes. “Maybe. I dunno. She shouldn’t go off on me about this stuff, though.” He takes a swig from a bottle of beer and exhales. “Fuckin’ hate New Year’s.”

“Me too.”

He huffs a laugh and smiles at you. “I’m in good company, then.”

You see in the new year sitting side by side on the back porch, sharing a small bottle of cheap bourbon and swapping stories about your plans for the future, your hopes and dreams.

Javier Peña tells you he’s going to change the world.

And then school starts again, and Lorraine and Javi make up, and that’s the last time you talk to him other than a mumbled “Hi” in the hallway now and again.

Until tonight.

***

He slides into the seat opposite you and shakes his head with a smile. “All these years, and it took a mix-up about pickles to bring us back together again.”

You shrug, taking in the man he had become: handsome, charming, cool, even, but with the same lingering sadness haunting those beautiful eyes.

“Of all the family restaurants in all of Texas,” you offer.

“You had to walk into mine,” he responds, taking the bait. “Or into this branch of Danny’s, at least.”

You tilt your head to look at him. “What’s a hero doing alone on New Year’s Eve, anyway?”

He rolls his eyes. “Not a hero. And don’t you remember? I don’t like New Year’s. Fuckin’ hate it, in fact. Told you that, all those years ago.”

“You did, didn’t you?”

The waitress returns carrying your two freshly-prepared, correct orders and a large helping of apologies. “We’ll be sure to bring you over some more chips, too, and the drinks are on the house.”

Javier clinks his glass off yours. “Maybe this year is looking up already. What about you, anyway - what brings you back home?”

“My fiancé dumped me four days before Christmas,” you explain, dipping a French fry into a pot of chipotle mayo. “So what else is a girl to do but run home to mama, legal career or no legal career?”

“Fuck, that’s rough.” Javier seems genuinely sympathetic. He takes a bite of his burger and chews it thoughtfully. “So no New Year’s parties for you either, huh?”

You shake your head. “I would rather be dipped in boiling oil.”

He laughs, revealing the crinkles around his eyes that only serve to make him even more handsome as he enters middle age. Why do these little signs of ageing always look good on men, you wonder, but make a woman feel like she’s failed?

“Would you be opposed to a party for two?” he asks quietly. “Theme is: Fuck New Year’s.”

You grin. “Just like old times. Count me in.”

***

You hear the bells of San Agustín ringing in the new year from the back porch of your mother’s house. Javier clinks his whiskey tumbler off your glass of white wine.

“A happy fuck new year’s to you.”

“And a happy fuck new year’s to you, too. You got any resolutions, Javi?”

He takes a long, satisfying drag on his cigarette before handing it to you. “Quit smoking. You?”

“No more men. Think you’ll stick to it?”

He raises an eyebrow at your resolution and smiles as he looks out into the night. “We’ll see. Hearing good things about those nicotine patches.” And then those penetrating, sad eyes are on you. “What about you? Think you’ll stick to your resolution?”

You meet his gaze and give him a knowing smile. “We’ll see. Might find someone worth breaking it for.”

#pickled peña #pickled peña writing challenge #javier peña x reader #javier peña #javier peña fanfiction #narcos #pedro pascal characters #pedro pascal character fanfiction #pedro pascal #pickledpeña writing challenge #pickledpeña #pickledpena

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kissesfrombangtanatnight · 2 months

Text

Roman Reigns x Reader x Jey Uso: Break The Rules For You, Pt. III

You sit there confused as the doctor explains the horrific car accident you were in. You didn't know what was happening, and you were highly terrified, but your husband, Joshua, sat beside your bed, holding your hand reassuringly while your daughter played in the corner, counting the raindrops on the window. She looked so beautiful, just like you. Your little twin, well you and your husband who was conversing with the doctor.

"Doc....how long is this memory loss going to last? What I mean is...when will she be back to normal?" your husband asks concern edged across his face.

"Could be days, weeks, months. There's no telling. But right now, she has significant swelling on the brain that's contributing to that memory loss. Fingers crossed that with decreased swelling, she will remember things more clearly. But again, there's no guarantee. I'm sorry." The doctor answers as your husband nods his head.

It grows silent before the doctor speaks up again.

"Well, if there is anything you need my dear, please let me know. We want to make this experience as easy for you as possible, okay? Jey, take care, man." The doctor says, giving you a warm smile before exiting the room.

"Thanks, Uce. I owe you one." Your husband says as the door closes behind the doctor.

As soon as the door closes, your daughter, whose name you can't even remember, turns around to look at you, a shy smile on her face.

"Don't be shy Amya, come say hi to your mom." your husband smiles at the little girl who held a stuffed bunny toy in her arms.

She gets up from her chair and slowly walks over to your bed, hiding behind her father's leg.

You smile at her, despite the agonizing pain in your head as you sit up slightly, wincing in pain.

"Careful baby...you've got broken ribs remember?" Joshua says, rubbing your hand soothingly.

He looks down at your daughter with tiny arms wrapped around his leg.

"Come on. Say hello." he urges her as she looks down at her fingers before looking at you with those big, adorable eyes of hers.

"Hi Mommy...." she says quietly.

Your smile grows wider as you slowly reach out your arms to embrace her. She looks up at her father as if to ask for permission and he nods. She bursts into a smile before carefully getting onto the bed and hugging you.

"Hi Mommy.....are you okay?" she says, nestling her head into your neck.

"Mommy's okay. A little bit of pain...but I'll live," you say trying to lighten the mood as she giggles at you, beginning to play with your hair.

"Mommy...you're so pretty." she smiles at you.

You smile back as Joshua sits back, watching the interaction between you and your daughter. His heart was so full at the sight. This was all he'd ever wanted. Well, not under this circumstance, but still. The love of his life and his daughter in the same room. Smiling and talking to one another. His head was spinning slightly with mixed emotions. On one hand, he was happy you finally got to meet your daughter, but on the other hand, he was worried.

He was an absolute mess when he received a call from the hospital saying you'd gotten into a horrible car wreck with a diesel truck. He damn nearly ran out of his house with just his boxers on before he realized that was highly indecent, and the fact that his daughter was lying in her princess bed, peacefully sleeping. With no time to call her babysitter, he rushed out the door with her in his arms.

This wasn't the phone call Joshua was hoping for. However, he had grown accustomed to hospitals calling him as you'd made him your only emergency contact in case of times of emergency aka when your husband threw tantrums and took his anger out on you. He can't even count on his hands how many times he had to pick you up from the hospital with a busted lip or blackened eye. It broke his heart. You'd made it very evident that in any circumstance if you ended up in the hospital, Joseph's name was not to be listed as any type of emergency contact, especially because he was the reason, you'd end up in the hospital anyway.

Nevertheless, this time was different. Upon Joshua's arrival, he and your daughter were brought to the back where you were. He was first greeted by your doctor, who was an old college friend of his, Ettore Ewen, but everybody in school called him Big E. When he was explaining what happened to you, he nearly broke down to his knees. How could this have happened? What caused this? You weren't much of a night driver so why in the world were you driving this late? His mind had so many unanswered questions. But he didn't have time to dwell on that as all that mattered was you being alive.

As he and the doctor were talking, your daughter busying herself by playing by the window, you slowly woke up. He instantly feels relief wash over him. However, that was short-lived when you asked who he was. Were your injuries that bad that they'd wiped your memories away? And as if on impulse, his lips spoke quicker than his brain had time to process what he was saying as he introduced himself as your husband. And now.... here you were having the cutest conversation with your daughter whom you've never met since her birth.

As you two continued talking, he stood to his feet, sighing deeply. You stop momentarily to look at him.

"Hey...um...Joshua, is it? Do you mind asking the nurse if I could have something to eat? I feel like I'm starving." you giggle as your daughter gazes over at her father excitedly.

"Daddy! Can you see if they have Oreo milkshakes too?!" she asks as her father grins.

"Please, call me Jey. And I don't think they have those. But I can go to the store and grab one." he answers, kissing your daughter on her forehead.

"Okay, daddy. Hurry back, okay?" she says as she goes back to explaining to you why her stuffed animal was the best in the world.

Jey exits your room, heart pounding as his mind is racing with all kinds of thoughts. What was he going to do? How was he going to fix this? What was your future? How long was this memory loss going to last? Was this a blessing in disguise? Or a curse.He didn't know but he was going to do everything in his power to keep you safe at all costs. He just had to protect you. That's when an idea popped into his mind. A crazy idea, but maybe one worth trying.

He walked down the hall before his eyes landed on Big E who was conversing with a nurse, making her laugh.

"Omg you're so funny!" she says in a flirtatious tone.

He walks up to them, interrupting their little flirt fest.

"What's up, man? Everything good?" E. says, turning his attention to Jey.

"Yeah um...you got a minute Uce?" Jey asks hesitantly.

"Of course, of course. See you later Tasha." E. answers as the nurse winks at him before walking off.

"What's up, man?"

"So um.....I need your help." Jey says cautiously, looking around to make sure no one else was listening in on their conversation, even though no one else was around.

"What kind of help?" E. says quizzically.

"So...you remember my cousin Joe right?" Jey says lowly.

E. looks at him, expressing disgust, "You mean that a**hole I never liked because he thought he was all that a damn bag of Dorito chips? Yeah....what about him?"

Jey sighs heavily. "Well, that's his wife in there."

"What?! So, you're not her husband? Boy, what in the soap opera hell?!" E. says dramatically.

"Calm yo' a** down man. Aye. Aye, man. Listen, I have a good reason. Listen Uce....long story short, he's an abusive piece of sh*t to her. Listen.....I need you to do me a favor?"

"Please, tell me more," E. says as he pulls out a bag of M & Ms from his pocket and begins munching on them.

Jey rolls his eyes. "So basically, he married her knowing damn well I was in love with her. Can you believe that? He did that sh*t just to spite me. Anyway, so some time later I started noticing that she was timid around him. You know, slightly flinching when he caresses her face. Or slightly wincing when he grabs her by the waist. Her dead stare when she introduces herself to people when she's with him. You know...clues or whatnot. So... anyway I found out he was abusing her and begged her to leave him. But did she? Nah her a** wanted to stay with him. And you know what?" Jey explains as E's eyes stretch.

"What?"

"Maaan that little girl in there is our daughter," Jey says shaking his head.

E. gasps loudly, placing both hands on the side of his face.

"No! Wait....so you f*cked your cousin's girl? You nasty son of a b-"

"Nah. It wasn't like that....we only slept together once. In which we were both drunk."

"Or so you say," E. says winking at Jey.

"Uce.....she went right back to him after we slept together. But anyway, listen man. It's a whole lotta sh*t going on right now and I have no doubt Joe is gonna come looking for her. I don't want him to find her, man. He's no good to her. No doubt if he finds her.....he may seriously hurt her. And I can't let him do that. Not again." Jey says, shaking his head, feeling his heart ache at the thought of his cousin finding you and potentially hurting you.

"Sooooo...where do I come in... in all of this?" E. says, looking at Jey expectantly.

"Listen...this may sound crazy but......I need you to help me fake her death." Jey says cautiously.

"You need me to do what?! Are you crazy? I could lose my job. My license. My-" Jey cuts E. off.

"Listen Uce, I'm willing to pay you for it," Jey says as E. instantly stops rambling, his ears perking up.

"Now see I normally don't agree to things like this 'cause this is a whole mess but uh.......how much are we talking?" E. says looking at Jey, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Name your price, Uce," Jey says as they continue to talk to one another in the hall, from one crazy man to another.

Jey soon comes back into your room, looking slightly disheveled as he places your daughter's milkshake and your burger meal on your bedside table.

"Everything alright?" You ask, concerned.

He gives you a small smile before nodding his head. He leans down to your height before kissing the top of your head.

"Yes......everything's gonna be alright," he whispers softly in your ear.

Joe paces angrily as his mind fluttered with anger and worry about your whereabouts. He tried calling your phone, but it went straight to voice message. He called your parents, but they didn't pick up. He even called some of your co-workers but even they didn't know your whereabouts. That's when his mind instantly told him to call that damn cousin of his. Surely Joshua knew where you were....right? Of course, he knew, he had to know. He always knew things about you. That's why Joe couldn't stand his cousin. He damn near hated his cousin. As bad as it sounds to hate your own flesh and blood, Joe couldn't help it. It was like his own cousin was trying to purposely sabotage his life. It's clear Joshua wanted to be Joe. It's obvious Joshua wanted to be in Joe's position in life. He wanted his life, his wife, his money, his career, his power, everything and it pissed Joe off beyond repair.

If he can't have you......

NO ONE WILL

'Til death do us part are the vows you exchanged on your wedding day and by all the power vested within Joseph, to death you will surely part.

He can't live without you. He couldn't imagine life without you.

Which brings him to the predicament he was currently in. He was pacing back and forth in the local police department after filing a missing person report. He spoke with the chief police officer himself, demanding he find his wife.

The officer told him to calm down and they'd get right on it. You see, Joe was a very powerful man who knew a lot of people. He had his hands in a lot of businesses and corporations run in this town. Everyone knew him. But most importantly, they respected him. So, all he had to do was make a demand, and trust, it would get resolved.

His feet begin to ache at his nonstop pacing before the door to the chief police, Adam Pierce, office opens and closes.

"So....where is she?" Joe says, running his hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry Joe but.....she's been in a terrible car accident," Adam answers as Joe stops pacing and stares at him as if he had three heads.

Surely, he hadn't heard that right.

"W.....what? The f*ck did you just say?" he whispers.

"Listen...she was hit by a diesel truck and she was taken to the hospital and-"

"NO! NO! NO!" Joe snaps, swiping documents off of the nearby office desk. He couldn't believe this.

"Calm down Mr. Anoa'i. S-she was in a car accident. B-but..." Joe cut Adam off, snatching him up by the collar.

"Tell...........me...........what............hospital.....now." he hissed through his teeth as Adam quickly stutters an answer.

Joe nods his head, releasing Adam from his grasp before he backs away.

Minutes later he angrily storms out of the police department, feet moving quickly. He just had to get to you..................................

He jumps into his car and starts the engine.

"Baby I'm coming for you................." he whispers speeding out of the parking lot to Safe Haven Hospital.

Where his wife was undoubtedly waiting for him.......................................................

#roman reigns #wwe smut #roman reigns fanfiction #roman reigns one shot #roman reigns smut #roman reigns x reader #roman reigns imagines #roman reigns x black reader #the bloodline #jey uso #wwe fanfiction #wwe imagine

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gabessquishytum · 7 months

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Water spirit Dream anon here. Just wanna say Im LOVING the yes anding on that one it feels amazing like when people love your dish at a potluck. Anyway Ive just had the most Week of all time punctuated by my period coming and I would like to wallow so lemme just sneak in here.

After Hob's return to the Dream Pool or whatever, he's like holy shit I have children! And a spouse? And they live fucking outside!!!! I haven't cooked one meal!! Haven't changed a single diaper!! Haven't rubbed even a single sore foot! I'm a terrible husband and provider ;-; he's so upset bc he's basically by his own definition a deadbeat and he always wanted to be the BEST dad and husband. And Dream is like I am a spirit. Your children are half spirit. We are literally nature elementals. We belong outside. We do not eat meals as such. And as for bad husband, well. Coming home to fuck and then fucking off to do your thing is kind of the divine relationship norm. And Hob is like well theyre also half human so we need a HOUSE. And good luck getting rid of me now bc I'm not leaving for the rest of forever, I'm gonna make up for lost time with my babies. What are their names.

So Hob builds a small house to live in near Dream and enjoys very much his new family. The kids are indeed half spirit, so they grow faster and a little stranger than Hob's used to with Human kids, but they're his, and he loves them. He's also absolutely smitten with Dream, now that he's actually gotten to know him. His little house expands into a large temple built into the mountainside, with a large courtyard and Dream's pool in the center of it. Eventually Dream asks Hob if he really meant what he said about staying forever. He could share his divinity with him and tie him to Dream's pool, only able to drink from there and nowhere else. He'd live forever, with Dream. And of course that sounds wonderful :)

Long after their progeny are grown and out upholding their fathers' legacies, Hob stays as the priest and caretaker of Dream's temple. They fuck happily for forever after.

Ahhh water spirit anon! So glad you've been enjoying all the shenanigans <3

I looove Hob being a stand up dude, a provider, a Good Dad. I think that's very sexy of him. So of course he's upset and worried when he finds out that he's got kids and he hasn't contributed anything to their lives except his stinky human dna!! He feels terrible because if his kids are half human then surely they need someone to help them learn human things, and he hasn't even started doing that! Dream is amused and rather confused by Hob’s stress but tries to soothe him as best he can. There's plenty of time to teach the children. They're still basically babies, they don't need to learn how to light fires or anything yet.

Still, Hob essentially stays up for 24 hours to build a house. And Dream has admit that it's nice and cozy, while still being close enough to the water for his comfort. Hob makes tables and chairs and a bed (Dream is very interested in this) and toys for the little ones, and becomes a very happy stay at home dad. The kids are weird and beautiful but very much Hob’s kids (they drive Dream mad with their stubbornness and knack for getting into trouble). And they are also so loved.

Hob is more in love with Dream than ever by the time they get around to getting officially "married" - Hob gets the immortality and the responsibility of taking care of Dream’s temple, which he was doing anyway. He still can't believe that Dream chose him. Occasionally they relive the first time by fucking in the pool, and Hob will bounce Dream on his cock and praise every aspect of him: mind, body, soul. Sometimes Dream pretends like he's a human and they go to bed in the house Hob built. Dream wants to wait a couple of centuries before he bears more children, and Hob will wait patiently - next time, he'll be there to watch Dream’s pregnancy. Probably a good thing he's immortal now, because seeing Dream full of his baby(s) might be enough to kill him <3

#the sandman #dreamling #nsft

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