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touyasdoll · 3 years

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Plans Can Change

This is the prequel to Plan B. Can be treated as a stand-alone fic if you aren’t down for what happens in Plan B, which is infidelity.

Pairings: Natsuo Todoroki x reader, Shouto Todoroki x reader

Genre: angst, hurt/comfort, fluff, smut

Word count: 12.5k

Warnings: break-up, heartbreak, messy feelings, lots of emotions, alcohol consumption, wall sex, crying while masturbating, pregnancy mention

Notes: I have never written anything this length, nor have I ever worked quite this hard on a piece before. I'm both petrified & ecstatic to finally post it, so here it is! I hope you all fall as hard for Natsuo as I have 💜

I'm hoping to post the sequel to Plan B soon! Lemme know if you’d like to join the tag list 💜

“Y-you’re what?” You blink at Shouto, shaking your head in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me? Tell me this is a sick joke.” You shrink away from him, sliding towards the other end of the couch, tears welling in your eyes.

“Baby, I—,” he starts, but you cut him off.

“Don’t fucking baby me!” You shove him away as he reaches out to hold you in his arms, standing to step further away from him. “You’ve told me for years that this would never happen. That you’d come clean to your dad about us and tell him to call off this bullshit quirk marriage idea of his!”

“I know, but baby, it’s not that simple--,” he puts his hands up and rises, tentatively taking a step towards you.

“It is that fucking simple! You’re just a fucking coward!” Tears flow freely over your cheeks, your face reddening as rage boils up inside of you, coalescing into verbal venom that you spew directly into his pathetic face. “Five fucking years of my life, I’ve waited for you to grow a fucking backbone and now it’s just over? All the lies and the sneaking around, I understood when we were still in school, but we’re goddamn adults! We’re pro fucking heroes! And I’ve never been able to hold your hand in public, because you’re afraid of what your dickbag father would have to say about it? The one that you say that you still despise, but yet here you are, throwing away everything to appease him? Did I fucking miss anything?”

“No,” he chokes, looking at you guiltily as tears spill over his own cheeks. “I-I’m so sorry, Y/n. I do love you though. I’m always going to love you.”

“Fuck you.” You spit through gritted teeth, taking a menacing step forward with each proclamation. “You don’t love me. I don’t think that you ever have, because this isn’t love. This is you leading me on, promising me the world, and then snatching the rug out from under me. You’re a selfish goddamn prick, Shouto Todoroki. I guess you’re more like your father than I thought.”

“Y/n, please, it isn’t like that. I-I don’t know what to do! I’m not like him. I don’t want to be, but this is the only thing that makes sense to me. I don’t want to be like him. I don’t want to hurt you,” you scoff, shaking your head as you look upwards, disbelief plain on your face as he continues. “I know it might not make sense to you and I know you can’t understand, but I’m trying to do what’s best for everyone. I’m trying to make the best decision that I can.”

“For everyone? What about me? What about us?” You clutched your hands to your chest, your eyes frantically searching for a shred of rationality behind his eyes. “What about all those times you promised me that we would get to live happily ever after, hmm? When you swore that you would never let this exact fucking thing happen to us?” You sob and quickly pace across the room, folding your arms around yourself as the anger roils beneath your skin, leaving you shaking in the corner, continuing to stew while he stands there, thoroughly defeated and unsure of what to even say.

Because there’s nothing left to say. There’s nothing he or you can say to change what’s been done. To undo the damage that’s been caused by his decision. It’s over.

You sigh, feeling the weight of the world coming to rest upon your fragile shoulders, closing your eyes as you turn away from him, trying not to choke on your words while more tears pour over your cheeks, “Get out.”

“Baby, please just let me try to explain,” he reaches out to touch your arm and you wrench it away from him.

“Go!” You spin on your heel, glaring at him as every loose object in your apartment suddenly levitates. He looks stunned, but nowhere near intimidated as he takes another step closer. You try to maintain your threatening gaze, but you crack, your mouth twitching as you let out a broken sob. “Go,” you beg, a pathetic plea that rings out in the uncomfortable stillness of the room before everything collapses around you two.

He freezes, staring at you apologetically as he seems to mull over his next move. After a long beat, he finally speaks.

“Okay,” he nods solemnly, taking a step back and turning towards the door. He steps over a broken picture frame, one of you and him from your high school days. Both of you all dressed up for the school dance, looking happy as ever.

Another wave of guilt washes over him as he tears his eyes away from the nostalgic, far gone scene, leaving you alone.

///

“Two more, please,” you smile at the bartender, who nods and pours two more shots, setting them in front of you. “Thanks.”

“Y/n?” A voice distracts you before you can lift one of the vials to your lips.

You turn to see Natsuo, Shouto’s elder brother, leaning up against the bar beside you.

“Hey,” you smile politely, silently offering him one of the cups of poison before you. If you didn’t have to drink alone, you’d rather not. “How’s it going?”

“Can’t complain,” he grins, shrugging and toasting you as he takes the shot glass and you both toss them back. He makes a bitter face as he turns to you, an amused expression littering his features, “Whiskey, huh? You’re really not messing around tonight,” he chuckles, “Thanks for the drink. You here with someone?”

“Ha,” you scoff, shaking your head as the burn in your throat tapers off. “Nope. I’m only here, because drinking alone at home seemed a little too sad, even for me.”

“What’s goin’ on? You wanna talk about it?” His cheerful demeanor shifts and he pulls out the stool beside you to take a seat, furrowing his brow as he flashes you a concerned look. “I mean, I know we’re not exactly close, and, I don’t know, maybe this is weird, because I’m just your friend’s big brother, but, I mean,” he half shrugs, “I still care about you. I’ve missed seeing you around the house, ya know. Feels like it’s been a while.”

“Oh,” you pout, looking away from his kind eyes. His words have more of an effect on you than you would have thought they could. “I, uh. I’ve missed you guys too. And thank you for asking. I don’t know if..I mean,” you shrug heaving a heavy sigh. “I don’t know if Sho has mentioned anything, but I had a bit of a rough break up a few weeks ago.”

“Oh, shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were with anyone,” his eyes are apologetic as he leans in closer, turning towards you to give you his undivided attention. “What happened?”

“He left me for someone else,” you gesture for another round, speaking matter-of-factly. “And today would have been our five year anniversary, so it’s been a bit of a day for me.”

“Five years?” He raises his eyebrows incredulously, “I can imagine today’s been rough on you. Where’s Sho though? Shouldn’t he be here?”

“Ah, that’s the kicker. We aren’t speaking,” you toss back another shot, realizing it might have been a mistake as your head begins to swim. “That’s why I haven’t been around. Sorry.”

“And here I was worried you were just avoiding me,” he jests, grinning at you with a boyish charm that you're powerless against, so you offer him a shy smile in return, giggling quietly. “You don’t need to apologize. I’m sure it’s his fault anyway. What’d he do?”

He rests his head on his rolled knuckles, smiling playfully as he looks to you.

“He was never very supportive of the relationship,” you half-lie. “Wasn’t exactly sympathetic to my situation when it ended.”

He shakes his head, “I’m sorry. Seems like his head is stuck a little too far up his own ass if he’s treating you that way,” he searches your sullen expression apologetically. “I’m here to listen though, if you wouldn’t mind a shoulder to cry on. Promise that I’m already on your side.”

“Thanks for that,” you shift your lips to the side, a wry smile lingering as you slide him the shot glass that remains before you. “Here. I think I need to be cut off. Otherwise I’ll really spill my guts to you and I’m not looking to embarrass myself tonight.”

“I don’t think you could,” he shakes his head, tossing back the shot. “You’re too cool to let that happen.”

“You think I’m cool?” You look at him skeptically.

“Yeah?” He squints, cocking an eyebrow, as if it should be obvious. “You’re a badass hero. Plus, I saw you kick Shouto’s ass at the festival, your last year of high school.”

“That was a long time ago,” you qualify, unsure of why you’re blushing so deeply as you sip your water. Must be the alcohol.

“You’re being modest. I think you could still take him.” He folds his arms together, leaning on them as he nudges you with his shoulder. “Because you really are a badass. I’m sorry whatever jackass you were with obviously couldn’t see that, but someone who’s worth it will someday.”

“I thought Fuyumi was the only sensitive Todoroki,” you glance over at him, unable to bear the eye contact for long, so you stare at your feet, fidgeting on the stool.

“I’ve picked up a few things,” he allows his gaze to linger on your heated cheeks before he pulls them away.

“Ya know what. Fuck it, you’re right,” you wave the bartender over. “You promise not to judge me if I embarrass myself? Because I’m telling you, it’s a very likely possibility.”

“I promise,” he nods. “So long as you keep my sensitivity a secret,” he winks and you laugh, shaking your head as you turn to the bartender to order a drink you can sip on.

And then the pair of you do just that: sip on your drinks, chatting about nothing and anything at all. It’s a bit strange, because you’ve never really gotten to talk with Natsuo like this. Your conversations were always limited to polite small talk or interactions that involved the rest of the family, like the weekly family dinners that you were often invited to.

He was funny and kind, charming even. His personality became more apparent to you as the evening drew on and you wondered how you’d never managed to see this side of him before.

You’d been a fixture around the Todoroki estate since you met Shouto when you transferred to UA for your senior year. It was obvious why you and Natsuo had never interacted much then, considering he was a college student and you were his kid brother’s “best friend”.

Maybe he’d just never looked at you beyond that, which would be understandable, seeing as you’d never viewed him as more than Shouto’s elder sibling.

At least, until right now. Again, you wanted to blame it on the booze, but the pressure building between your thighs was getting hard to ignore every time he leaned in a little closer. A smile highlighting the shine in his grey eyes, whiffs of his alluring cologne reaching your nostrils. It was hard to tell if you were dizzy due to his presence or the cocktail you were still working on.

Straw tucked between your lips, tongue pressed against the plastic as you stifled a laugh at his intentionally terrible joke. You pretended to miss the way his gaze lingered on your mouth, watching how you pinched the straw between your fingers, toying at it with your tongue.

He cleared his throat, absently spinning the pint glass in his hands before swallowing the rest of his beer.

“You’re pretty cool too, ya know,” you tilt your head, looking at him sideways when all of a sudden your brain feels much softer than it did just a moment ago.

“Oh yeah?” He laughs, pushing his glass away as he turns to you, his expression changing to one of tentative concern as you sway on the stool. “You all right there?”

“Uh,” you shake your head, but it’s too much motion for you, so you stop and close your eyes, but that only seems to make it worse. “I think I, uh, t-think I’ve ‘ad t’much,” you slur resting your head atop your forearms as you slump forward on the bar.

“Whoa, okay. Let’s get you out of here.” He stands, holding his arm out to you. “Think you can walk, if I help you?”

“Think so,” you mutter, trying to keep your eyes open as you stand and take a wobbly step forward as he wraps his arm around your waist.

“All right, we got this,” he assures you, stooping down so your arm can slip around his neck. He reaches his hand up to hold yours, ensuring your hold on him.

The fresh air of the warm, summer evening granted you little reprieve, but it did feel nice to be outside, away from the noisy patrons and too loud music of the bar. You hadn’t noticed how busy your surroundings were when the two of you were locked in conversation.

It felt like it did now, just the two of you, in a sort of bubble, all your own. Granted, it was far more enjoyable when he was so close to you, because he wanted to be, rather than because without him physically supporting you, you might fall over.

Natsuo didn’t mind though. He’d been in this state before and he wasn’t one to judge. You’d been through some shit recently; you deserved to get blackout drunk if you wanted to. He just wanted to make sure that you got home safe.

“Just gonna find your address, okay?” He slipped the small wristlet you carried off of your arm, looking to you for permission. “Unless you can tell me your address?”

“It’s uhm,” you pressed a hand to your face, pulling at your temple, trying to recall something that should be laughably simple, but you came up with nothing. “My IDs n’there.”

He nods and rifles through the small bag, locating your ID just behind your phone, “Got it. I don’t want you alone with anyone else in this state, so I’ll ride with you and make sure you get inside all right.”

The sense of authority in his voice gave you a pulse between your legs, one you suppressed by pressing them together.

“Yes, sir,” you murmured with a little too much intention and a soft giggle. Gasping, you pressed a hand over your lips when your mind caught up with your mouth. “‘M’sorry.”

“Don’t be,” he shook his head, smiling at you as he chuckled quietly. “Nothing I haven’t heard before.” His tone was playful, but inside his body was screaming.

He’d been casually flirting with you all night, all the while wondering if that was even okay, but he reasoned it was harmless. You were both drinking. You’d just been through a break up and you were his brother’s closest friend. Which meant that you were off limits for a number of reasons, but his dick didn’t get the memo.

“I’m gonna call an Uber,” he pulls out his phone, actively seeking a distraction from how cute you looked with that blush creeping over your cheeks again.

The ride back wasn’t any easier on him. The alcohol in his system was plenty enough to give him a solid buzz, to relax him, but he was tense as ever with you pressed up against him, leaning against his shoulder. The sweet scent of your perfume wafting in his nose while your slow, quiet breaths filled his ears.

By the time he got you upstairs to your apartment, his normally cool skin felt like it was on fire, burning from the chemical reactions caused by the alcohol in his blood and your weight shifting against his body as he helped you to your door.

“Thank you, Natsuo,” you smiled as you leaned against the door, fumbling with you keys, seemingly unable to find the right one.

“Lemme help you,” he said gently, his fingertips brushing against yours as he took them.

He unlocked the door and helped you inside, setting your things down on the table by the door before he set you down on the couch.

“Are you gonna be okay?” He stands in front of you, kneeling down so that he‘s level with your gaze.

“Would you stay if I said no?” You bite your lip, reaching forward to touch his knee, slowly pushing your hand up his thigh and he pops up, putting his hands up as he takes a step back.

“I would, but I’d be sleeping on the couch.”

“Oh,” you look away embarrassed, pulling your hands into your lap. “I’m sorry, I, uhm,” you shake your head, laughing nervously, “I think I misread things. Told you I’d embarrass myself.”

He looks up, clenching his eyes shut as he curses himself silently before squatting back down to try and catch your eyes.

“Hey,” he reaches out to tap your ankle, smiling softly when you look up. “Look, you didn’t,” he pauses, letting out a nervous breath, “you didn’t misread anything. But, aside from the fact that you’re more than a little tipsy, I’m also the slightest bit concerned that Shouto might just roast me.”

You scoff, “I don’t think you have to be worried about that, but I see your point about the other thing,” you admit, smiling lopsidedly. “I’m really sorry for being so forward. I’m not usually..like this.”

“You’re fine,” he reassures you, offering his hand. “C’mon. I’ll help you to your room and then I’ll take the couch, okay?”

You nod and take his hand, smiling shyly as he pulls you to your feet, a hand resting on your waist to steady you as your faces nearly collide.

“Sure you wanna take the couch?” You jest, grasping his shirt to find your balance. “I mean, if you really think I can take him, I don’t think you have much to worry about there.”

You laugh quietly, stumbling towards your room as he follows close behind you, groaning as he chews on his lip.

“You’re very funny,” he says dryly, slipping his arm around your waist as he walks you into your room.

“I’ve been told,” you sit down on the bed, grinning up at him. “Thank you again, Natsu. I’m sorry for hitting on you,” you both laugh. “I appreciate you making sure I got back okay.”

“Anytime, Y/n.” He takes a step back, grabbing the door handle as he backs out of the room, smiling softly. “I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” You watch as he slowly pulls the door shut, not seeing the way he closes his eyes and sighs under his breath.

In the morning, you stroll out of your room to find Natsuo in the kitchen, leaning into your fridge.

“Good morning,” you mutter groggily and he shuts the door, turning to face you with a smile.

“Good morning. I got good news and bad news.”

“Okay,” you shoot him a confused expression. Good news first, I guess.”

“Good news, you do have aspirin and there’s some on the counter for you,” he nods to the glass of water and pills on the kitchen countertop. “Bad news, you’re outta eggs and pretty much all other AM food, so I can’t make you breakfast like I wanted to.”

You blush, staring at the space between your feet, “You really don’t have to do anything like that. I was an ass last night,” you face burns as you recall your actions. “I’m sorry about that, again.”

“About that,” he nods once, sauntering closer to you, leaning against the kitchen counter. “How about we just..start over? A reset from last night.”

You glance up, nodding thoughtfully, “Okay. I’d like that.”

“Great,” he grins, standing up straight as he lightly raps the counter. “How about we start by you letting me take you out for breakfast?”

“I’d like that,” you smile, resting your hand beside his on the countertop.

///

It had been a little over a month since you’d hit the reset button and things were going well. You’d been on a few dates, skirting around the topic of what Shouto might think, though both of you avoided that topic for different reasons.

You hadn’t heard from him, but you did see the announcement of his engagement in a tabloid. She was pretty. Came from a wealthy family, old money. You had to assume that the connections that came with that were why Enji had arranged the whole thing. Her quirk was impressive, sure, but Shouto had two quirks already. I mean, shit, was the goal to hit a triple with one of his grandkids?

Besides the point. Shouto was really going through with it, so you had no choice but to move on. Did you have to move on with his brother? No. Would that come back to bite you in the ass? Maybe.

But you weren’t spending all this time with Natsuo to spite him. That wouldn’t be fair to Natsu and he didn’t deserve to suffer because you wanted to get back at his brother.

No, you genuinely enjoyed your time with him. He was always so caring and affectionate. Always trying to make you laugh. Asking when he could see you next, swearing dramatically that he just might not be able to make it until then. He was never worried about whether or not someone would see you standing too close to one another. He wasn’t apprehensive about holding your hand in public, in case paparazzi caught you and decided to run a story. Being with him was just..easy.

He respected that you were fresh out of a long term relationship, so things were moving slowly. Most of your time together was spent in coffee shops, milling around town, or out to dinner. You hadn’t had any time alone and in private together, part of the strategy of taking things slow.

Which is why, tonight, you had insisted on having him over, so you could make him a home cooked meal in your apartment to celebrate his birthday.

“Are you sure you don’t want any help in here? I’m a decent cook, I swear.” Natsuo smiles as he enters the kitchen.

“No! I’m not letting you lift a finger on your birthday. Just lemme do this for you,” you press your hands to his chest, smiling sweetly up at him, your arms crossing behind his neck. “Please?”

“Fine,” his hands find your waist as he leans in, his heart jumping at the way you blush just before his lips meld with yours. “Can I at least stay and supervise?” He chuckles, fingers outstretched, lingering on your waist for as long as he can manage as you pull away from him.

“I suppose,” you sigh, feigning exasperation as you wrangle the ingredients. “Just be careful, okay? I don’t always use my hands to pick up the knives.” You wave a hand toward your knife block, activating your quirk to coax a knife towards the counter.

“Noted,” he nods, “I’ll keep an eye out. And hey, if you need anything flash frozen, I’m your guy.”

“Noted,” you laugh, turning your attention to the vegetables before you on the chopping block. “Oh, better turn the oven on before I forget.” You remind yourself, slipping past him in the narrow passage between the counter and the island, purposely pressing your ass back against him.

You feel a sense of satisfaction when he reacts, inhaling sharply as he grips the underside of the countertop behind him.

“Oops, sorry,” you stop where you stand, caught between him and the counter in front of you. You look back at him over your shoulder with a seductive smile, bending over to lean against the counter. “Didn’t realize it would be such a tight squeeze,”

“You’re terrible,” he groans, leaning forward to place his hands on the outside of yours, caging you in as he whispers in your ear. “And I fucking love it.”

You whine softly, feeling the bulge in his pants rock against your behind. “Natsu,” your hips roll in rhythm with his, your back arching as you reach back to push your fingers into hair, turning your head to breathe into his ear. “I’m tired of waiting. Need you so bad.”

He grunts, a low, gruff sound emanating from his chest as you’re spun around, back pressed to the counter. His lips take yours hostage and it’s all passion, weeks worth of stored up sexual tension finally being released.

“Bedroom,” he manages to utter, lips still moving against yours, unable to find the will to pull away until you do it for him.

Hand in hand, you tug him toward the bedroom, lips crashing into his again as you pull up beside the bed, fumbling with his belt while he sheds his shirt.

He slips the straps of your dress off your shoulders and you quickly work the rest of it down, leaving you in the light blue set of lingerie that you’d worn for this momentous event.

“You’re so gorgeous,” he lets his eyes roam, taking in every inch of your body while you’re busy dropping his trousers.

You wrap a hand around his cock, stroking slowly as you lean in to kiss him again, smiling proudly as he moans into your mouth, “And you’re so fucking hot,” you sigh, taking a step back towards the bed as his fingers hook into your panties, slipping them down your thighs.

He walks you towards the bed, laying you down as he clambers over you, his cock pressing against your thigh, precum sliding against your skin. You lean forward, making quick work of your bra, a wanton moan is pulled from your throat as he kisses and sucks at your neck. Cool lips soothing the heat boiling your blood as you raise your hips off the bed impatiently, “Natsu,” you mewl softly.

He pulls back, looking down at you with soft eyes as he searches your features. His hand cups your face, thumb on your cheek while his fingers push into your hair and he kisses you deeply. Kisses you like he’s never going to get the chance again. It’s slow, sensual, and sweet. He rests his forehead against yours to catch his breath, the thick head of his cock pressing against your wetness, a sharp gasp in his ears as he pushes inside, followed by a long, satisfied moan when he sheathes his entire length, stilling inside you.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, tilting his head back as he thrusts slowly. “You feel so good, baby.”

His hand slides up your forearm, interlacing your fingers with his, another hand slides beneath you, wrapping around your waist as he slowly begins rolling his hips, letting you feel every vein and ridge along his cock as it glides within your walls while his grey eyes bore into yours.

It’s not the aggressive, lust-driven fuck that you were expecting. It’s a slow, sensuous tango. One that would be more accurately described as love-making than fucking.

No further words are exchanged. The only noises traded are the soft moans you’re exhaling, met by the occasional groan between his labored breaths. That is, until you’re gasping, tossing your head back, eyes shut tight while your nails sink into the flesh of his shoulder. You hadn’t even realized how close you’d gotten until you were here.

“Natsu, oh fuck, I’m think I’m gonna—oh God,” you cling to him, falling apart in airy, broken moans and he grunts in response, his hips moving faster as he buries his face in your neck, littering it with kisses.

“Shit,” he mutters, breaking away and trying to pull out as he feels himself getting too close to the edge, but you stop him, squeezing your thighs together to keep him inside.

“On the pill, s’okay,” you pant, loosening your grip on his shoulder to pull back and cup his face, pulling him into a kiss. “I promise.” You speak against his lips, a soft plea that nearly destroys him, “Cum inside me, please, Natsuo..”

“Fuck, baby,” he sighs, tightening his arm around your waist, his other hand pushing into your hair, cradling your head as he kisses you deeply.

His hips stutter, falling into an uneven rhythm while his forehead comes to rest against yours. He falls silent as he explodes inside of you, pouring his essence inside of you in thick ropes as his voice catches up with him, a low, rumbling cry rising from deep in his chest as his balls finally empty.

Collapsing beside you, his eyes are too weak to open, the intensity of his orgasm still weighing them down as he pulls you closer to him. You roll onto your side towards him, resting your arm on top of his chest, where he finds your hand and takes it in his, bringing your palm to his lips.

It’s a moment that you wish you could bottle up and save for a rainy day, so that you could relive it over and over again. Basking in the afterglow, electricity passing between you with each gentle caress that you share with one another in the quiet room.

It’s silent, but not uncomfortably so. There’s an indiscernible buzz in the air. A feeling of tension, but not one that threatens the moment. It’s that exciting brand of tension that you feel in the build up to a reunion with a best friend who you can’t wait to trade gossip with. The tension you feel in the pit of your stomach before you crest over the peak of the highest point on a rollercoaster. It’s something that you’ve both been waiting for, a little scary and a lot exciting.

He wants to take the plunge and catapult down that steep hill, but doesn’t want to scare you off, lest your newly inflicted fear of heights catch up with you. He wants you to know how he feels, desperately. But even if you hadn’t suffered a bad break-up only a couple of months ago, he knew that a confession like that after just six weeks of dating was liable to scare just about anyone off. So, he compromises on his commitment to tell you his true feelings.

“I really like you, Y/n,” he smiles softly, pressing a tender kiss to your temple as he rubs your back. “Like, really like you.” He chuckles quietly. “You can’t possibly know how much.”

“I think that I might,” you whisper as you smile against his collarbone, planting a kiss to his cool skin. “I’m still a little hesitant about letting myself like someone too much.” You draw absent circles against his chest, closing your eyes as you listen to the pounding of his heart. “But I really like you too, Natsuo. More than I probably should right now.”

You can both feel his heart thrumming a bit harder as an elated grin graces his lips.

“I promise I won’t make you regret that,” he says softly, tucking a finger beneath your chin to guide your eyes toward his. “Would you like to come with me to family dinner this week? Everyone’s dying to meet the mystery woman I keep gushing about.”

“You want to tell them?” You ask, propping yourself up on an elbow to look at him.

“Of course I do,” he squeezes your hand gently. “I can’t wait to show you off, baby. I wanna tell the whole damn world that you’re mine.”

A blush creeps across your face while apprehension prods at your insides. You knew this was bound to happen. If you wanted to be with Natsuo, you’d have to face Shouto eventually. Everything was still so new and uncertain, but the look on his face told you that this would mean a lot to him. You couldn’t worry about Sho anymore. He wasn’t yours to worry about. Natsuo was.

“Okay,” you nod, “If you’re ready, I’d love to.”

“Thank you,” he smiles softly, cupping your face in his hand to bring your lips to his. His other arm wraps around you as you kiss him back, bringing you flush against his chest, so that you’re laying atop him. “You, uh, you’re really good at that, by the way.” He chuckles, running his fingers along your spine.

You bury your face into his chest, shaking your head as quiet laughter bounces against his skin, “Thanks,” you pause, tapping your fingers along his chest. “That makes me feel better. I was a little nervous, actually. I’ve never, uhm. I mean, I’ve only ever been with one other person.”

“I was just as nervous as you, I promise.” He reassures you, placing a cool hand to the dip in your spine as he kisses the top of your head. “I thought that you were out of my league before. Now I know.” You can feel his smile against your scalp as he smoothes your hair.

“Shut up,” you giggle, gently pressing on his toned pecs. “I’ve got another confession that might make you feel better. You wanna hear it?”

“Let me have it, angel.”

“I’ve never—how do I phrase it? Uh, I’ve never actually gotten off just by penetration? I hardly know any women who have. I thought it was a myth, but I mean you,” you blow a breath of air between pursed lips. “You, sir, are apparently a thing of myth.”

“Really?” He cranes his neck to look down at you, a look of pride radiating through his features.

“Really,” you smile back. “Although..” your smile turns mischievous as your hand trails lower on his torso, your fingers walking along his abdomen. “Could have been a fluke, I guess.” Your eyes move to study his face, a daring sense of playfulness evident behind them.

“Is that right?” He smiles, indulging you as he sits up, flipping you onto your back and propping himself up over your, a strong arm on either side of your head. “Surely, there’s a way to find out if it was just a fluke or not,” he rocks his stiffening cock against your thigh, still slick with the mixture of both of your release. “Right?”

“I s’pose we could try again,” you grin, catching your bottom lip between your teeth. “For science,” you shrug, running your hands along his sides until they hold his hips.

“For science,” he agrees, his lips capturing yours once more as you guide him inside you.

You clench around him, swallowing the groan that passes from his lips before you gasp, your mouth hanging open as your brows knit together once he starts moving in earnest.

The second go round is even smoother. With most of the jitters out of the way, he’s got a different confidence about him. He slides both hands beneath you, lifting you off the bed just enough to find the perfect angle.

“Natsu,” you whine, already feeling that delicious sensation brewing in your core. “Please,” you reach out, fingertips brushing against his shoulders, falling away as you just can’t reach.

He pushes his hands further beneath you, pressing his palms flat against your back as he brings you into his lap while he assumes a kneeling position.

Your arms encircle his neck, your forehead coming to rest against his. It’s hard to even keep your eyes open, the stimulation of his cock assaulting your womb at this angle is too much for you to take in anything else. You’re melting in his arms, you’re on top now, but certainly not in control as he guides you up and down on his length as it stretches you out, threatening to split you apart.

“Love you,” you murmur, soft and desperate, but loud enough for him to hear with your forehead still flush with his.

You can see the surprise in his eyes and you double down, fully committing to your last confession of the evening. One that you had zero intention of making until he made you feel this way; like you might die if you couldn’t ever be this close to him again.

“I love you, Natsuo,” you repeat between ragged breaths, your fingers interlaced behind his neck as you lift your head to search his eyes, to let him see that you mean it.

“I love you too,” he chortles, the last bit of disbelief exiting his lips in a pant. “I love you, Y/n,” he cards his fingers through your hair, holding the back of your head in his hand as he kisses you deeply and hungrily. The peaks of both of your orgasms cresting as you try to get impossibly closer to one another, your bodies moving in tandem as waves of pleasure roll through them.

Neither of you are sure how much time has passed by the time you’ve both caught your breath. You’re both laying on your side, all your limbs tangled and clinging to one another, heartbeats thumping back and forth. You’ve said all you needed to say, so the little touches suffice. Careful hands idly studying one another in the dim light of the bedroom while you trade soft smiles and lingering glances. And for the first time in a long time, you feel whole again.

///

Sunday arrives much too quickly for your liking. Before you know it, you’re staring down the front door of the Todoroki family home and the pit in your stomach is begging you to turn back.

It’s been nearly 3 months since you’ve seen Shouto. You’d have to face not only him, but his bride-to-be. The thought made you sick to your stomach. There was a lot of potential for all of this to go sideways.

But as you drew closer to the door, Natsuo looked over and gave your hand a gentle squeeze.

“You ready?” He smiled and all your worries seemed to disappear. You remembered the reason why you were here. Why things were different now.

You nodded, slipping your other hand around his forearm as the two of you entered the door.

“We’re here,” Natsuo called as the two of you exchanged your shoes for slippers before continuing into the home.

“Finally!” You smiled upon recognizing Fuyumi’s sweet voice from the other room. “I was beginning to think you wouldn’t make it to—Y/n?” She blinked, staring at the junction of you and Natsuo’s hands. “Oh—oh my God, wait, really? Mom!”

Fuyumi called out, hurrying down the hallway to wrap you into a hug, which you gladly returned.

“Did you say Y/n was here?” Rei stepped out of the dining room, her eyes growing wider as they fell on you. “Oh my goodness, darling, it’s so good to see you,” she smiled warmly, collecting you into her arms as Fuyumi released you.

“It’s so good to see you too,” you hugged her tight. “I’ve missed you guys.”

“Where have you been? And when did this happen? Why didn’t I know about it?” Fuyumi gestured between you and Natsuo as you rejoin hands.

“Wait, are you the one he insisted he couldn’t tell us about?” Rei brought a hand to her lips, smiling excitedly.

“Now you see why. Sis would have asked a million questions,” Natsuo chuckled while Fuyumi rolled her eyes.

“Questions that I would like answers to! How long? This isn’t a prank, right? Because, honestly, he could never do better than you. Please tell me this is real.” Fuyumi placed her hand on your arm, stepping to your other side.

When she came closer, you could see Shouto stepping out of the dining room. The briefest of flames alighting the hair on his left side as he took in the scene before him.

“It’s real,” you pointedly ignored him, smiling at Fuyumi. “Been almost a couple months now, so not long. We didn’t wanna say anything until we were sure it would stick,” you laugh as Enji and Tame appear in the hallway beside Shouto.

“Well, I certainly hope it does. I think it will,” Rei smiled fondly, looking between the two of you. “You look so happy together. I’ve always thought that you would make sense as a couple.”

Shouto turned to re-enter the dining room, but Fuyumi remembered her manners before he had the chance.

“Oh! It’s been so long, I almost forgot. Have you had a chance to meet Tame yet?” She took a step back to wave over Shouto and the pretty woman beside him.

“No, I haven’t,” you smiled and bowed politely and Tame did the same as she came close. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too,” she smiles brightly, “I almost didn’t believe Shouto when he said that he knew y/hero/n personally.”

“Ah, call me y/n, please. I feel so awful that I haven’t had the chance to meet you sooner, but I’m so glad that we have tonight to get to know each other better.” You put on your best smile, finding it easier than you thought it might be in her presence. She seemed like a genuinely kind person, so at least there was that.

“I am too,” she nods, “Shouto told me how busy you’ve been recently. I completely understand, but I’m glad we’ve finally gotten the chance to meet.”

“Oh, is that why you haven’t seen each other, bro? She’s been too busy for you?” Natsuo smiles sardonically and catches a gentle elbow in the side from you as you laugh it off, not wanting to cause a scene.

“I have been busy with the new agency location,” you lie, grateful as ever when Enji interjects.

“I recall Shouto mentioning that a while ago, I hope you’ve left plenty of room to grow at the new office.” He nods, “You’re about to crack into the top 10, aren’t you? That’s impressive, especially considering your age.”

“Getting close,” you smile politely, “But I don’t wanna talk shop while I’m here. There’s so much catching up to do.” You smile at Tame, “And I’d love to have a chance to talk with you.”

“Well, dinner’s nearly finished, but we could still use some help in the kitchen. We can take a little time, c’mon girls.” Rei smiles, leading the way down the hall.

You move to follow and look back as Natsuo catches your hand, smiling and tugging you back to pull you into a chaste kiss before he lets you go, smiling like a fool as he watches you walk down the hallway, oblivious to the daggers Shouto is glaring in his direction.

///

Dinner wasn’t nearly as awkward as it had the potential to be. At least, not for you. You’d spent the meal catching up with everyone around the table, though Shouto was noticeably even more quiet than usual.

He’d missed most of the conversation. After hearing Natsuo’s retelling of how he’d gotten so lucky as to be ‘in the right place at the right time’ to find you in the bar that night, he couldn’t bother to pay attention to anything else. He was ruminating, wondering how you could have possibly thought that this was a good idea. Were you just trying to hurt him? To make him jealous enough to break off his engagement? If so, it was working, because he’d already considered that idea several times this evening.

Just seeing your face again was too much for him. He knew he had to cut off all contact when he left, otherwise he’d crumble. He was fully prepared to avoid you until the day he died to circumvent the pain of knowing he couldn’t just grab you and pull you close to him like he so desperately wanted to. But here you were, laughing and hanging off of his brother’s shoulder, hand intertwined with his under the table as you shared a laugh with his family as if they were your own.

Because they were. You’d been such a presence in the Todoroki family home for so long and that was entirely his doing. How had he ever intended to explain your absence indefinitely? He would’ve eventually had to stop relying on the ‘she’s just been so busy’ excuse. None of that mattered now though. Here you were again.

He lingers behind in the dining room, idly standing aside as he watches Fuyumi gather the last of the dishes to carry to the kitchen. She passes you on her way out, explaining she’d grabbed everything that was left as she went about her way.

“Can we talk?” Shouto utters before you can leave the doorway, a rushed and clumsy inquiry.

You pause to consider, looking down the hall at Natsuo excitedly speaking with Rei while Tame nodded through a conversation with Enji. With a soft sigh, you step into the room, pulling the door shut behind you as you cross your arms.

“About what? I’ve said everything I needed to say to you.”

“About the fact that you’re fucking my brother? You didn’t care to mention that was part of your plan,” he spits, a scowl on his face that you recognized, but had never seen aimed your way before.

“My plan?” You scoff, looking anywhere but at him to search for where he might have found the audacity to accuse you of such a thing. “You can fuck right off. I’m not dealing with this.” With a dismissive wave over your shoulder, you turn around to open the door, but he crosses the room in an instant, catching your wrist to spin you around.

“Why then? Why him?” His voice is shaking, like the last leaf clinging to a barren branch on a blustery day. “Why did you have to come here to throw it in my face?”

“How can you even ask me that question?” You search his eyes, trying to ignore the way that the tears brewing in them pulls at your heart. “Half a decade with you and your family still thinks that we’ve never been more than friends. Not even two months in, he couldn’t wait to tell everyone. That’s why I’m fucking here and that’s why I’m glad you finally let go. You were never going to be honest with your father.” The rage in your blood physically manifests as hot, angry tears slipping from your eyes. “You were never going to be mine, not completely. I let you put it off at every turn, like an idiot. Let you make me feel like some huge burden, because we both knew what was coming. Knew it would be bad if you ever came clean, especially after so long.” You shirk his hand from your wrist and step towards him, curling your fist as he takes a step back. “You never loved me. Not the way that you should have.” He blinks, swaying forward to reach out to you and then back again, looking dumbstruck.

“Do you--do you love him?” He asks as if it’s an impossibility and you don’t know how else to respond, other than with the truth.

“Yes,” you respond in stark contrast to his tone, as if it’s obvious.

As if he should feel fucking stupid for asking, because he should. How could you not love Natsuo? He was giving you everything that you’d always wanted from Sho that he never gave. That he was obviously never going to and yet here he was, accusing you of trying to make him jealous? For what? Why would you want someone who didn’t want you just as much?

The tears fall faster as the question crosses your mind, because it’s not like you could deny how much you still love the man in front of you, despite the pain he’s caused. Despite the fact that you’ve moved on after thinking that you’d never be able to manage it. Natsuo had picked you up and painstakingly pieced you back together in such a short amount of time with the sheer intensity of the way he loved you. Not putting Shouto in his place would feel like a betrayal of that.

“So no, my plan wasn’t to come here and throw anything in your face. I’m not here for you anymore. I’m here for Natsuo and if you’re upset about that, then you have no one to blame but yourself.” You shrug, drying your eyes and expelling an exasperated breath. “My plan was always you,” you pause, studying the man who you’d always thought that you’d spend your life with. Finally seeing, finally accepting that the future you’d imagined with him was never going to happen. “But plans can change.”

You smile sadly and turn away, unable to bear the way that he’s looking at you, like you’d stabbed him in the chest. You move to leave, but he can’t let that happen yet.

“Please come back to me,” the shake in his voice is so intense it sends a shiver up your spine and you freeze. “Please, I’ll do anything, I--,”

“You won’t,” you shake your head, staring at the door in front of you as your voice drops to a whisper. “You and I both know that you won’t. I finally have someone who will.” You swallow, “If you ever loved me, please just let me have that.”

He doesn’t respond and you can’t bring yourself to look back anymore, so you exit, leaving him to pick up the pieces that he broke in the first place.

///

“You wanna watch another?” Natsuo smiles down at you. You’re laying on his chest, snugly nestled between his legs, clinging to him on the couch beneath a cozy blanket while he rubs your back. Your new favorite place in the world. The credits are rolling on the last film you watched and your eyes are beginning to feel the weight of the day.

“Mm, I would love to, but I should probably get home. I have an early patrol tomorrow and an afternoon full of meetings.”

You push yourself up, maneuvering yourself to sit back on the other side of the couch and you catch him staring at you, a soft grin on his face that makes you blush.

“What?” You laugh, lifting a hand to the cheek that was squished against his abdomen. “Do I have a mark on my face or something?”

“Move in with me.”

“What?” Another laugh leaves your lips, one that sounds noticeably more incredulous. It’d only been four months and he had a food sense of humor. Surely, he’s kidding, you think, but his lovestruck expression doesn’t falter. “Are you--you mean that?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, reaching forward to grab your hands and pull you into his lap to hold you. “You wouldn’t have to leave me if you were already home,” he lifts a finger to your nose, brushing the pad of his finger against the tip. “I hate watching you leave. If I only ever had to do it when you went to work,” he shrugs, “I could live with that. But saying goodbye to you instead of just saying goodnight? It’s killing me.” He lifts his palm to your face, stroking your cheek gently with his thumb while his grey eyes bore into you, melting you in his grasp like they always do. “Whaddya say, baby?”

“Okay,” you beam, wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him into a deep kiss. “I’d love to. If you’re sure you can spare the closet space,” you giggle, hugging him around his neck while he chuckles in your ear.

“If I gotta downsize to two outfits to get you in here, I’ll do it.” He squeezes you tight, feeling his heart swell with unbridled joy. “Will you stay here tonight?” He pulls away, utilizing that gaze that you can’t refuse. “I promise I’ll get up early to make sure you’re up in time to leave.” “All right,” you whisper, catching his cheek to seal the agreement with another kiss.

The next morning, you’re in the kitchen preparing coffee when the doorbell rings.

“Can you get that, babe? I ordered us some breakfast. Thought we could eat before you have to get going,” Natsuo calls from the bedroom, rummaging through his underwear drawer.

He’s about as dressed as you are, which is to say not at all. You nod and snatch his shirt and boxers from the night before, having been abandoned on the sofa when the two of you decided to properly celebrate the new milestone in your relationship. Slipping into them is easy enough as you head for the door and pull it open to find unamused heterochromatic eyes staring back at you.

“Ah, you’re not the delivery guy,” you sigh and he echoes the sound as you step away to let him inside.

“Not exactly, but I do have something for Natsuo. I’m not planning on staying. Looks like you’re busy,” his eyes travel the length of your body, lingering on the outline of your hardened nipples as they press against the thin material of the t-shirt before he looks away. “Oh, don’t worry, you didn’t interrupt anything,” you smile sardonically, crossing your arms to cover your chest. “He came so hard last night, I don’t think we could do it again this morning if we tried.”

“Great,” he smiles with contempt. “You miss having someone with hero stamina around yet, sweetheart? I know how bitchy you get when you’re left unsatisfied.”

“Okay,” you roll your eyes. “Outta your system? Because he’s coming.”

“I thought you said he couldn’t this morning?” He cocks a provocative brow, letting it fall off his face as Natsuo comes up behind you and you set your jaw, putting on your best smile.

“Hey, bro, she tell you the good news?” Natsuo snakes his arm around your waist and you don’t miss the way the vein in Shouto’s neck tenses.

“What good news?” He looks between you, his tone even, but his mind racing, frantically flying through the worst case scenarios, at least, for him. Had he proposed? That would be rash, but he wouldn't be surprised at this point. Were you--were you pregnant? Oh God, he didn’t even know what he would do if he had to witness that. Children were such a permanent link to someone, he’d never stand a chance at winning you back. A sweat broke out on his forehead as his thoughts went into a tailspin.

“We’re moving in together,” you press your hand to Natsuo’s chest, smiling softly at up him as he held you closer.

“Oh,” he nods, smiling politely. “Congrats. I, uhm, I don’t have much time to stop and chat. I’ve got a lot of wedding planning to handle today. Just wanted to drop this off.” He hands Natsuo a parcel. “Shoes you ordered went to Mom and Dad’s. Told Mom I’d get ‘em to you, since I’d be in the neighborhood.”

“Oh, thanks, man.” He takes the package and moves to set it aside while Shouto takes a step back, giving a quick wave.

“No problem. Sorry I can’t stay, congrats again.”

“No worries, we’ll see you soon. Take care, bro.” Natsuo joins you in waving him off as he nods and continues away from the door, heaving a sigh of relief once he’s out of earshot.

///

“Oh, I think I see one more back there,” Natsuo is seated criss-cross on the floor near the Christmas tree, pointing to a small, ribbon-bound box tucked up against the base of it. “Would you mind grabbing it, babe?”

You’re seated closest to the tree, leaning forward to spy the package beneath the pine branches. The whole family is present, celebrating Christmas Day at the family cabin. You and Natsuo had opted to spend the holidays with your family the previous year, so this was your first holiday trip with the Todorokis. Fuyumi sat on the other side of the tree, leaning against the side of the couch where her parents sat, while Shouto and a pregnant Tame sat on the other sofa.

There was wrapping paper everywhere, all the gifts except for the one you’re reaching for having been opened already in the cool, winter morning as all of you gathered gleefully in your pjs.

“Whoever snuck this back there did a good job making it nearly unreachable,” you laugh, opting to coax the object into your grasp with your quirk rather than continue straining to slip your arm far enough beneath the tree to grab it.

“Who’s it for?” Fuyumi asks as you come to kneel and hold it in your palm, pulling your attention to her while Natsuo quietly readjusts to get one on knee behind you.

“Me,” you glance at the box, seeing the small tag attached to the ribbon. “Doesn’t say who from though.”

“Open it,” she persists as you sit back into crossed legs and oblige.

The ribbon falls away with a soft tug, allowing you to lift the lid off to find that the box is empty.

“Sorry, I wanted the chance to do this part myself, ” Natsuo chuckles softly, popping open the little black box in his hand, revealing the most gorgeous ring that you’ve ever seen within it. “Will you marry me, Y/n?”

You’re stunned speechless, the room silent as everyone looks on, most of them excited, a single individual decidedly less than thrilled, but still holding his breath.

“Natsu,” the waterworks begin as you frantically nod, fanning your face as you reach for him. “Of course I will,” you throw your arms around his neck and he folds his strong arms around you, smiling wide as he kisses from your temple to the top of your head while the rest of the family claps and cheers.

“I love you so much, baby,” he pulls away to cup your face, smiling at you like you hold the whole world in your eyes before kissing you hard with his other hand still pressed to your back.

The rest of the day passed in a daze for the two of you, all loving touches and thoughtful smiles while you spent some quality time with the family. You’d only been apart briefly when Fuyumi and Tame had managed to pull you away from him long enough to gush with you about what you thought you might want the wedding to look like.

Natsuo took the opportunity to sit beside Shouto, clapping his hand atop his shoulder as he did so, “You’ll be my best man, right?” He grins over at his younger brother and Shouto manages to put on a genuine smile in return.

“Yeah, of course. Congratulations, again. She’s, uh,” Shouto pauses to look at you, laughing with his wife. “She’s pretty great. Just don’t screw this up, okay? I already think she deserves better, don’t prove it to me.” He laughs and places an arm behind his elder brother, clapping his hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah, I guess I never really asked how you felt about any of this, huh?” Natsuo gave an apologetic smile as they both dropped their arms away. “Sorry about that. I guess I was a little upset over whatever was going on between you two at the time, but that wasn’t any of my business. I’m just glad that you guys are good now.” He smiles from Shouto to you, “I’m really glad that you brought her into my life. I don’t know what I would do without her, man.”

“Hopefully you never have to know,” he smiles lopsidedly, placing a hand on his brother’s shoulder once more. “I’m glad that it’s you she ended up with.”

“Thanks,” he laughs, nodding as he folds his hands in front of him. “She doesn’t ever say much about her ex, but if you didn’t like him, I’m sure he couldn’t’ve been the best to her.”

“He wasn’t,” he smiles sadly, feeling his heart decaying in his chest as the heavy words fall from his tongue. “But thankfully she has you now. I’m happy for you guys.”

“Thanks, bro,” he nudges him with his elbow. “C’mon, let’s get a drink to celebrate. I’m finally getting hitched and you’re gonna be a dad. The unthinkable has happened,” he chuckles, slapping Shouto’s knee as he stands.

“Ha, yeah. A drink sounds great,” he nods, standing to follow him to the kitchen.

///

That evening, Shouto wakes and glances over at the clock. 2:33 AM and he’s unsure of what’s awoken him, so he turns over and tries to fall back to sleep, staring at the back of Tame’s head when a noise perks up his ears.

He carefully slips out of bed to search for the source, drawing nearer to the wall that their room shared with you and Natsuo’s. He can hear noises that he can’t quite distinguish, but he’s almost certain that it’s probably for the best. Still, he waits, holding his breath to listen more closely. He hears you moan clearly and he tenses, his cock stirring in his pants almost immediately as he sighs.

He can just go back to bed, pretend he heard nothing and ignore the sounds coming from the other room, drown them out anyway that he can, but he doesn’t. He leans in, pressing his ear the thin wall.

“Natsu,” you mewl, back arched off the bed while his cock slowly glides in and out of you. “Feels so good,” you sigh, pushing your hands into his hair to bring him closer, so that you can kiss him. “‘S’ so fucking good, baby.”

Shouto winces, as the name leaves your lips, his jaw tightening as he tries to will the blood rushing to his cock to leave him be.

“Yeah? You want more, baby?” Natsuo murmurs against your lips, smiling as he slips his arms beneath your thighs, picking you up off the bed with ease as you let out a quiet yelp and cling to him in your surprise. “Or should I say, Mrs. Todoroki?”

“Mm, I like the sound of that,” you bite your lip, leaning your head back on the wall that he places you against as he thrusts his cock back inside you.

Shouto can feel the gentle thud of your spine hitting the wall just on the other side from where his ear is pressed. He’s torturing himself, he knows he should pick up his feet and move, but again he doesn’t. He slips his hand into his boxers, stroking his length as the angelic sounds of your moans carry through the wall again.

“I like the sounds you’re making,” Natsuo buries his face in the crook of your neck, kissing fervently while his hips move faster. Your eyes roll back as you cling to his shoulders, biting your lip to try and suppress the wanton sounds that you can barely control any longer.

Shouto balls his fist, pressing it flush to the wall while a silent sob leaves his chest. Tears are drifting down his cheeks while his other hand continues pumping his cock, quickly seeing him towards his release while his ear remains pressed tight to the wall.

He can hear everything, the way you’re chanting Natsuo’s name, the lewd, squelching noises coming from between your joined bodies, coupled with the slapping sound of skin on skin. He can feel each thrust that you accept, the sensation rippling through the wooden wall while he furiously pumps his length.

He’s so close and so ashamed, wetness still streaming down his face as he shuts his eyes tight and tries to replace Natsuo’s name with his own. If he tries, he can see you the way that he had countless times before. Face red, eyes rolling back, chest heaving as you fell apart in a beautiful display or carnal desire. He can picture it so clearly as he hears you doing exactly that just inches away from where he’s painting the wall before him white with his own release.

He hangs his head, pressing his forehead to the wall as he chokes on another sob, careful not to make any noise while another wave of tears breaks through.

“I love you,” Natsuo pants in your ear, kissing your shoulder while you breathlessly respond and Shouto dare to selfishly pretend that you’re speaking the words to him.

“I love you too.”

///

It’s the night before your wedding. The good sort of anxiety is keeping you awake, like a kid on Christmas Eve. You’re up on the couch, trying to sleep, thinking of what tomorrow will bring and wondering if Natsuo is lying awake in his parents house as anxious as you are.

The knock at the door startles you. You stand and cross to the door, looking through the peephole before you throw the door open.

“What are you doing here?” You stare at Shouto, eyes as red as the left side of his hair as he blinks at you.

“Please, don’t go through with this.” He begs, leaning in the doorway, taking a step inside. “Please,” he reaches for you and you step back, pushing him away and he looks wounded. “I still love you. I’ve never stopped, not for a moment. I can fix this, I ca--,”

“Stop,” you say firmly, holding out a hand to his chest as he tries to step closer once again. “Just stop, Sho.” You shake your head in disbelief, gently pressing both hands to his chest. “You have to let this go. It’s not healthy. You have not only a wife, but a baby at home now and I’m marrying your brother in less than 12 hours. This has to stop..”

“It doesn’t have to be like this,” he swallows, sniffling as he places his hands over yours.

“It does,” you protest sadly, pushing him towards the door as tears well in your eyes. “Sho, this is over. It’s been over. Let me go.”

“I can’t do that,” he shakes his head, a bitter smile on his face as his own tears start to fall. “I don’t think I’ll ever be able to do that. Please, Y/n. It’s not too late, just don’t,” he swallows a sob, his voice strained with emotion. “Don’t marry him. It should be me, I should’ve been honest with you, just let me explain, plea--,”

“No!” You cry, shoving him back out the door, tears falling freely now. “Stop! This is the last time I’m going to do this. Stop this, please. Can’t you see that how much I love him? Can’t you see that I don’t love you anymore?”

“You--you can’t mean that,” he sobs, stepping towards the entryway again as you slowly swing the door shut.

“I do,” you sigh, shaking your head. “Goodbye, Sho. Go home.”

The door clicks shut and you jump as his fist hits it, his disconsolate cries drifting through the door as you lock it.

“I know you can hear me,” he sniffs, pressing his palm flat to the door. “I know you’re right there. You’re always right fucking there. Close enough for me to touch and still too far for me to hold.” He pauses, clearing his throat. “I love you, Y/n. I will always love you.” He presses his forehead to the door as you do the same from the other side, eyes clenched tight to try and stop the tears that won’t stop falling. “Please don’t forget that.”

Despite the unexpected events of the previous evening, your wedding day is glorious. Everyone in attendance is happy and eager to celebrate with you and Natsuo. Even Shouto seems to be remorseful about the night before, going out of his way to make sure that everything runs smoothly and avoiding any talk similar to what he had said just a few hours prior. He stops in while you’re in your dressing room alone, sitting and waiting for the ceremony to start.

“Hey,” he says quietly, cracking open the door after checking that no one was around. “I understand if you don’t wanna talk to me, but I just wanted to apologize for last night.”

You look up in surprise that slowly melts away and you nod, “Thank you. I appreciate that,” you give him a small smile and he cautiously steps inside, admiring how breathtaking you look in your gown.

“You, uh, you look amazing,” he smiles and you glance down, blushing. “Really.” He reassures you, shoving his hands in his pockets nervously as he glances down himself. “I don’t want things to be like this between us forever. I’ve acted like an ass and I don’t want my behavior to affect anyone else, so,” he takes a step closer, extending his hand out to you. “I just want things to be okay between us. I’ll never pull anything like that again. You have my word.”

“Thank you, Sho,” you smile, taking his hand and pulling him into a hug, holding him tight and he returns the favor. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” a melancholy smile touches his lips as he savors the feeling of you against him before he has to pull away, stuffing his hands back in his pockets as he nods. “I’ll see you up there. He can’t wait to see you.” He gives you one last wistful smile as he backs out of the room, his gaze lingering on yours as he pulls the door shut.

The ceremony goes off without a hitch. You get to have that magical moment when Natsuo turns and sees you in full regalia, his eyes becoming misty when he does so. A sight that you don’t get to see often. A few stray tears of pure joy leave streaks on his face that you can see as you march closer, grateful that you opted for waterproof makeup as your tears leave marks of their own.

The reception is immaculate. No expense was spared and it shows. Everyone is busy drinking, laughing, and having a grand ole time. The night buzzes on as quickly as everyone told you that it would. Between the traditions and making the rounds greeting all the guests, it isn’t until the evening is winding down that you get to have a slow dance with your new husband, other than your first official dance together, which had felt a little stiff with everyone’s eyes glued to the two of you.

Now, the feeling was perfect. Soft light beaming down from the string lights above you and the moon above them. A favorite song of yours playing gently as conversation hums around you. The dance floor is sparsely populated as most everyone is about ready to call it a night if they haven’t already. He has one arm around you, his hand on the small of your back while the other clasps your hand. Your head is resting against his shoulder as you sway slowly in time to the music, your face tucked into the crook of his neck.

“I wanna promise you something,” he speaks softly, a warm and welcome half-whisper in your ear.

“What’s that?”

“I’m going to give you the best life that I possibly can.” He readjusts your hand in his, interlacing your fingers as he splays his hands across the small of your back and looks down at you, eyes gleaming with good intentions. “I’m going to love you with everything that I have. Every second of every hour or every day for as long as I live, I am going to give you everything, because you don’t deserve anything less.”

“Baby,” you smile up at him softly, in awe of the saccharine promise. “I promise to give you the same,” you lift your hand to his face, holding it in your palm while your eyes bore into his. “You have already given me the world and I will spend the rest of my days trying to give it back to you. I love you more than anything, I’ll prove that to you every day for the rest of my life.”

“I can’t wait,” he smiles warmly, leaning in close. “I love you too, baby. More than anything.” He closes the distance, capturing your lips in a slow, gentle kiss.

///

Years have passed and you’re at home. Natsuo is working an extended shift at the hospital, leaving you to tend to your niece and nephew, who are expected over any minute.

You hear the car pull up and head to the front door, walking outside to see their smiling faces greeting you as they run up the driveway.

“Hey, be careful!” Shouto calls after them, lugging a bag of necessary supplies along.

“They’re fine,” you smile, picking up the smaller boy and taking the girl's hand as you all meander towards the door. “C’mon, let’s get inside. I know it’s close to nap time for you guys.”

“Let me help you get them settled, they’ve been a little,” Shouto sighs, picking up his daughter, “much today. Huh?” He grins, tickling her belly and making the small girl squeal with laughter.

A good deal of pleading and bargaining later, the two are fast asleep in the spare bedroom. Shouto pulls the door shut as you both start down the hall and you turn to him, “I thought Tame was dropping them off today. Is she busy?”

“No,” he shrugs, shaking his head. “I just uh, I thought maybe we could catch up? It’s been a while since I’ve had a chance to even talk to you, feels like. Plus Tame’s getting ready to go back to work soon, so I figured I better get used to wrangling the two of them by myself.” He chuckles as you stop in the kitchen, both of you leaning against the island on opposite sides.

“Guess so,” you laugh in agreement. “I uh, I don’t know if you sticking around is the best idea though,” you look down, watching your foot fidget against the floor. “There’s a reason we’re never alone together, Sho. You know that.”

“I know,” he admits, leaning forward to try and catch your eye, which he does. He smiles reassuringly, “It’s been years though. I promised you that I’d never mention it again and I still have no intention to. You have Natsuo and I have my family. What we had is just history. We’re past all that now, aren’t we?”

“Yeah,” you agree, nodding with a gentle smile. “Yeah, I think we are.”

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed, please like leave a like/reblog/comment 💜

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mermaidxatxheart · 3 years

Text

Better Together Chapter 6

ok, I know it's been a while. I'm sorry for the long time in between posts. I'm working on several stories at once, or at least trying to, while also trying to get accustomed to a promotion and new job responsibilities at work. Thanks to everyone who's stuck with me. I really appreciate you all. My work is no to be reposted anywhere without my permission.

Pairing: Poe Dameron X Reader

Word Count: 4.9k

Warnings: Violence, panic, Poe being soft, Bryce being a dick. I think we can just assume that will be a permanent tag.

Series Master List

Chapter Five

You try to sit up with a strangled scream, but you end up bouncing your head off the plastic dome monitoring your vitals.

“Hey, it’s okay.” A voice to your left says. The voice is… familiar, but it’s not the one you really wanted to hear. But at the same time, you’re grateful you don’t hear that voice.

You roll your head to see Bryce, your boyfriend. He’s your boyfriend. He won’t hurt you. You can relax.

Why aren’t you relaxing?

“You’re safe now. Back home where you belong.” He says gently, reaching for your hand. You flinch away and he frowns, pausing.

“S-sorry.” You rasp, closing your eyes.

“It’s cool.” He lifts the dome and moves to get your clothes at the foot of the table. “Come on. Get dressed, we’ll get you something to eat.” He says, setting them next to you.

You try to speak again, but your voice is just as rough, only this time you don’t know if it’s from being quiet for so long, or the raw emotions destroying you. You clear your throat painfully. “H-how’s Poe?” You ask, nearly stuttering over his name.

“Dameron is fine. Been annoying all the women ever since he got back.” Bryce rolls his eyes. He doesn’t catch the way you shrink in on yourself as you sit up.

So, Poe doesn’t...want to...see you. The words struggle in your mind. He’s… he’s probably trying to forget what you did to him. No wonder he doesn’t want to see you.

“Can you step outside so I can get dressed?” You ask quietly.

“Babe, it’s not like I haven’t seen it before.” He says and you lower your head. “Fine. Just, don’t take too long. I’m starving.” He says, walking out and shutting the door loudly behind you. You jump at the sudden snap of it and squeeze your eyes shut.

You can’t handle the commissary right now. It’s always packed full of people, loud, claustrophobic. You carefully get dressed, trying not to notice all the new marks on your body. You’re careful of the fresh stitches covering your arms, legs, stomach, and back. Careful not to pull the bandages holding you together.

You’re dressed faster than you want to be, stepping carefully out of the room. It still doesn’t feel safe, it feels like you should be hiding. You tug the long sleeves down further, wishing you had more to cover you.

“Come on.” He slings his arm around your shoulders and you tense as the weight settles on you. “I missed you.” He says softly, but you don’t feel comforted by his words. They turn to ice in your veins. He practically has to drag you along, your nerves stretching and spiking with each step, with every noise.

“I-I’m not hungry.” You protest, trying to dig your heels in. You can hear the loud room from here.

“Y/N, you have to eat.” He says firmly.

“N-n—“ you stammer, trying to push away from him. He sighs and scoops you up over his shoulder, carrying you along easily. Pain flares through you as your stitches pull. He’s not careful with you. Either he doesn’t know, or he doesn’t care. You try to struggle, you don’t care if he drops you. At least then you could get away.

“Y/N, I swear to the Maker, stop struggling. These are your friends. They want to know you’re okay.”

“What if I’m not?” You snap, the fear boiling over. You want to go to your room. You want to hide. You want to be alone. You want Poe.

He stops and considers for a minute before continuing on. “You can’t hide forever, Y/N.”

“Bryce, please, please!”

He walks inside and sets you down none too gently in a chair at a table full of people. “Look who’s finally awake.” He says loudly. Your teeth jar, biting down on your tongue from the abrupt impact.

There are five whole heartbeats where everyone is just staring at you. Something claws its way up your throat in the eerie silence, and then everything just explodes.

Voices, chairs moving, hands touching you, patting you on the shoulder, or touching your leg. The lights get too bright, you can’t see anything. You feel like they’re all climbing on top of you, too much weight. You can’t breathe. You try to suck in a breath, but it’s like your lungs won’t expand.

You bolt.

You’re not proud of it, but you shove through all the people and fly for the door. Blind twists and turns down hallways you don’t remember seeing, and couldn’t remember in the moment. You can barely hear your name being shouted behind you, but you can’t stop, can’t look back. You just know you’ve ripped stitches in your thighs, and stomach. You don’t care. Your only thought is escape. Hyper flight mode.

A hand grabs you from the darkness, pulling you in and pinning you against the wall. You fight, slapping and hitting against your assailant as you sob, gasping raggedly.

“Y/N! It’s me, stop it!!” Poe shouts, grabbing your wrists. “It’s Poe, it’s me. Stop.” He says, holding your hands against his chest until you stop fighting him.

You think you gasp his name, your legs give out on you and you sink to your knees in front of him, sobbing. He doesn’t let go of your wrists, just loosens his grip. Relief washes through you as you realize who it is.

“Breathe. Just breathe. Big, slow breaths for me, sweetheart.” He whispers, slowly kneeling in front of you.

“P-Poe—“

“I know. Sh, it’s okay. I’m right here.” He wraps his arms around you tightly, hugging you to him.

He shouldn’t be doing this for you, not after everything you put him through. Guilt roils through you, choking off your air. You start to pull away but he doesn’t let go. His fingers braid in your disheveled hair and you can’t help but sink into him a little more.

“I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up. I wanted to be.” He exhales in a rush, burying his face in your hair.

“Why—why would you want that?” You hiccup, keeping your face away from him.

“Because you’re my best friend? Why would you think I wouldn’t want to be there?”

“B-because,” you try taking a deep breath.

He seems to realize that you’re shivering on the cold ground. “Let’s get out of here. Do you wanna go back to medbay or your room?” He asks, easing you out of his arms and standing up.

You hesitate, suddenly not knowing how to ask him to stay. It’s selfish, you know it is, after everything you’ve put him through, to want him to suffer even longer.

“I don’t think I was actually discharged.” You mumble, pulling yourself to your feet on your own. It’s a massive effort.

He makes a noise in the back of his throat and steps to the door. He looks up and down the hallway before looking back at you. “It’s all clear.”

“I don’t even know what part of the complex I’m in.” You admit, dropping your head back. In the forest, you knew exactly where to go. But on a planet you’ve called home for how long? You’re lost.

Useless.

“Okay. Come on.” He holds out his hand and you’re so tempted to take it. But you don’t. Instead, you walk to the door with him and carefully slip out without touching him. You’ve done enough damage.

He follows after a small minute and leads you down the hallway. “You never answered my question.” He starts suddenly and you look up at him. His face has too many cuts, a deep bruise under his eye, a split lip. It hurts you to look at him. More guilt.

It’s your fault.

You could pretend to be ignorant. Not remember the question to stall for time. Claim sudden hearing loss. But you never could lie to him, and you don’t want to start now. You know exactly what question.

“I didn’t think you would want to be there. Not when this whole thing is my fa-fault.” You mumble, your voice cracking on the last word. You hate yourself for putting him through this. You hate yourself for feeling like a damsel in distress and not being able to fight back the way you should have.

He stops walking and stares at you. His forehead crinkled in confusion.

“You think—“ he starts, his voice incredulous, but is promptly cut off by a medical droid beeping angrily at you.

“Yeah, got it. Back to bed.” You mumble, taking one last look at a stunned Poe before following the droid the rest of the way.

The droid gets you back into a medical bed, looking almost as if it wants to restrain you to keep you there. You clutch your hands to your chest, not wanting to be restrained.

“I won’t go anywhere.” You promise. The droid beeps and rolls away, the door sliding shut behind it. You cross your legs and lay back, wincing at the pull in your ribs. On the list of things that hurt, the ribs are kind of low. But they’re drawing the most attention at the moment. The droid comes back after a moment, making quick work of fixing your stitches, hopefully for the last time. It rolls away and you’re left in agonizing silence. You stare at the ceiling, counting the cracks.

The door opens again and Leia walks in. You freeze, wondering what she could possibly want from you. Poe’s words flash through your mind. Do you think Leia is sobbing uncontrollably right now? She certainly looks tired, but not necessarily like she was heartbroken that you were gone for… for… you can’t remember how long you were in that place. You break out into a sweat. What else have you forgotten?

“Y/N,” she starts solemnly. “I’m so glad you’re back with us and awake.” She sits on the edge of your bed and you don’t know if this is protocol or not. Is it normal? You don’t say anything, you simply wait for her to continue, she’ll get to her point eventually. “Poe told me about what happened, I’d like your report as well, whenever you feel up to it. I know you must still be exhausted.” She says.

So, all business.

She probably didn’t even notice you weren’t there.

You nod once. You can be all business, too. “I’ll have it for you by tomorrow.” You say and she blinks.

“I didn’t mean—“

“You need it. You’ll have it.”

“Poe told me you were incredibly brave.” She says, watching your face as she speaks. She’s clearly looking for something.

“He—“ you cut off. You had been about to say that he exaggerates, or was lying. But then she would think that she can’t trust her most loyal commander. She slowly arches an eyebrow as you struggle to think. “He’s too kind. I was terrified. Did more harm than good.”

“Hmm. Well, in any case. I know you’re still healing. Bacta is useful, but it can’t heal everything overnight. Get some rest.” She stands up. “And,” she pauses and turns back to you. “If you need to talk, about anything at all, I’m here to listen.” She says pointedly. You nod once and she heads for the door, stopping only long enough for it to hiss open.

You slump back against the pillows, gritting your teeth against the sudden pain. It’s odd how sometimes you don’t feel it at all, and other times it’s all you can feel. You feel like you’ve been going nonstop for days and days. You need to think, to rest. You need to stand up to Bryce next time. You’re not just a scientist, you’re a damn good pilot-only second to Poe, and you’re one of the best shots on base. He can’t just push you around like he did.

You need to think, sort out what was real and what was panic. You close your eyes and try to hold as still as possible. The faces are the faces of your friends, this isn’t some First Order trick. They aren’t trying to hurt you.

But… then… Why was Poe shouting when he got off the ship? Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. Maybe you really are losing your mind.

The door hisses open and you jerk upright, instantly grabbing your side. Bryce tosses his jacket onto the chair next to your bed and crosses his arms, turning slowly to glare at you.

“Was that fun for you? You made me look like an idiot out there.” He snaps and you want to hurl something heavy at his head.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now. I’m tired.” You say, wishing there was a more final way to say that, like shutting a door in his face.

“You just slept for three days!” He shouts, throwing his hands up.

“Get. Out!” You shove yourself off your bed, ignoring the screaming pain in your ribs and back. “Get the fucking fuck out! I told you I wasn’t kriffing ready but you didn’t fucking listen. You never fucking listen! I just want some peace. Maker!” You shove him backwards through the door, bouncing it off its track. You feel the pop in your wrist, burning hot pain flares up your arm. “For once in your life, try to see things from someone else’s perspective.” You snap, going back into your room.

“Whoa, hey. I’m sorry, okay?”

You pick up the heavy decoration on the side table and throw it as hard as you can. If he hadn’t moved his stupidly perfect head, it would have hit him right in the face. Unfortunately, he does move and it crashes into the floor behind him, breaking into pieces. Good, more ammo for next time.

“I don’t want to hear your apologies! I want. To be. Alone!”

He holds up his hands and backs down the hallway. You walk around to the other side of the bed, sinking to the floor so that no one will see you. Your hands are trembling as you try to breathe. Your sides begin to ache for another reason altogether, and you realize you aren’t even breathing because you’re trying not to cry.

You let out a ragged gasp, covering your face in humiliation. Rocking forward, you rest your face on the ground, letting yourself hurt with every silent sob. You deserve all the pain. A curious beep reaches your ears and you cover your mouth, forcing yourself to keep quiet. You know, somewhere in the back of your mind, you need to get your new injuries checked out. You definitely did damage to your wrist. You feel a droid roll to a stop next to you, but you're not under control yet.

They beep softly again and nudge you with their big round base. You lift your head to see the familiar orange and white pattern of Poe’s droid, BB8. He rotates his lens up to look at you, and somehow, despite being metal and made of parts, he shows sympathy, worry, concern. He wants to know if you’re okay, if his friend is okay. Your vision goes blurry as your eyes flood with tears all over and he rolls forward, nestling right against your chest. You grip his headpiece, lowering your forehead against it and resting there, shoulders shaking and stomach cramping from the uncomfortable position. But you can’t bring yourself to move just yet.

***

Your head slips to the side and you jerk up, hitting your head against the edge of your bed. BB8 looks up at you, bless his circuit board. He would have stayed there with you for hours if you hadn’t woken yourself up. You wipe your tears and drool off his head.

“Sorry, buddy.” You whisper, voice not wanting to go higher than that. “You should get back to Poe. I’m sure he’s looking for you.”

His head tilts, question unasked in the quiet air.

“I’ll be okay. Thank you, for checking on me, I mean.”

He beeps a rapid-fire and rolls away in search of his master, or is friend a better description at this point? You twist, pulling yourself up and seeing Bryce sitting on the floor in the hallway. His eyes are closed as he rests his head against the wall.

With a sigh, you page for a med droid to come in and check on you. You lay back on your bed, closing your eyes while you wait. You didn’t mean to fall asleep on the poor droid.

Your wrist is checked out and bound. Already on the edge of breaking, shoving your stupid boyfriend pushed it over the edge. The droid tsks about not getting it taken care of right away before wheeling away.

“Can I come in now?” Bryce asks from the hallway.

“No. I’m still mad.” You reply, rolling over. It’s cool in here, settling in your bones in an unfamiliar way. You reach towards the end of the bed for a blanket before you realize there isn’t one there. With a huff, you get up and look around for one with no success.

“What are you looking for?” He asks, pushing himself up with a quiet grunt.

“A blanket. I’m freezing.” You reply, digging through the supply locker in the room.

“I’ll go get you one.” He turns around and disappears, leaving you to settle back down. You can hear those familiar beeps coming down the hallway and that voice you’ve come to depend on since you were taken follows it.

“Yeah, buddy, I know. Always rubbing it in.” Poe sighs.

Bryce comes back, spreading a heavy blanket over you before stepping back awkwardly. “Thanks. I’m sure you have something you need to be doing, Bryce. I’ll be here.” You say, more gently this time and he presses a tender kiss to your forehead.

“I’ll come see you after my shift. We’ll talk then and you can yell at me all you want, okay?” He promises.

You nod, laying your head down on the pillow as he leaves. You can see his shoulders tense as he sees Poe coming towards him. You can hear the little droid beeping in outrage but Poe shushes him.

“Is she awake?” He asks.

“She’s resting. You shouldn’t be here, anyway. Haven’t you done enough, Dameron?” Bryce snaps.

What? No. He’s not to blame! You are!

“Bryce. Go to work.” You call and he looks over his shoulder at you, unable to get rid of the coldness completely before he turns on his heel and storms off.

Poe waits until he can’t see him anymore before coming into your room. “Hi.” He says after a minute and your lips twitch.

“Hi.”

“Have a good nap?” He asks as BB8 chirps next to him.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to keep him here for so long.” You mumble.

Poe snorts. “He’s not sorry, bragged about it for at least ten minutes.” He rolls his eyes and you scoot over on the bed carefully. He eases himself down and takes your newly bandaged hand. “What happened?” He asks with a frown.

“I wasn’t careful. Typical me.” You scoff derisively.

He’s quiet for a long time, his handsome face going through a wide range of emotions as he traces the outline of your fingers. The feeling of it is relaxing, soothing you. Everything about him is comforting, just like he’s always been. Even though you don’t deserve his compassion, his forgiveness.

“Poe,” you start, capturing his hand, even though you could conceivably let him keep doing that forever.

“I have so many things I want to say to you.” He starts, his voice crumpled.

You take a deep breath and nod, steeling yourself for the inevitable. It’s going to hurt, it will break your heart, but he should say it. Tell you he hates you for kissing him, for distracting him, for getting him caught, and all the terrible things that came after it.

“You sa-said before that this is all your fault.” He starts, his eyes very firmly on your hands wrapped around his.

“Because it is.” You answer and his beautiful brown eyes squeeze shut.

“How can you even think that?” His voice cracks and you’ve never seen him so close to tears before. This is the man that’s perpetually in a good mood, everything is an opportunity to make you laugh. Even in the face of certain harm, he’s making jokes.

“Poe, I distracted you. I—“ you glance at the door to look for potential eavesdroppers. “In the river, I ki—“

He covers your mouth softly. You could easily pull his hand away, but you don’t. “We were on a planet where the most dangerous thing was supposed to be a giant butterfly. There was no way to know, no indication of anyone else being on the planet. You didn’t do anything wrong, sweetheart.” He says. You can hear the sincerity in his voice, but you can’t stop the feeling that he’s wrong. You did everything wrong. “And… we don’t have to… to talk about that thing in the river… if you don’t want to.” He stammers, scratching at the back of his neck.

You want to. You want to do it again. But you can’t. Your fingers flex in his before pulling them back against your torso, cutting off all touch with his warm body.

“Leia came to see me earlier.” You change the subject without giving him an answer. You’re not ready to close the book yet, but you can’t open it yet, either.

“Yeah. I gave my debrief.” He says, sounding a little deflated.

“You lied.” You correct and his head snaps up.

“What?”

“You told her I was brave. That was a big, fat lie.” You say and he rolls his eyes.

“You’re impossible.” He takes your hand again. His touch is feather-light, soft, and delicate as he strokes the back of your hand, following the length of your fingers.

“I don’t think she cried.” You say suddenly and he looks up at you.

“Come again?”

“You asked if I thought Leia sobbed uncontrollably while we were gone. I don’t think she even got a stuffy nose.” Your voice turns dark, your secret angry thought slipping out before you can stop it.

“You think she didn’t care?” Poe asks.

“Did you find out how long we were gone?”

“Yeah. Three weeks.” He says, practically choking on it.

“Two weeks over what we were supposed to be gone. You don’t think that’s odd? She didn’t send anyone after her best pilot?”

“Y/N, she has a lot of different responsibilities, to more than just us. We had no contact with anyone prior. How would they have found us? They didn’t have our information yet. They would have been just as lost as we were.” He reasons.

“Ground exploration on a new planet should have more than two people. No matter how good one of them is.” You pull your hand back, angry now.

You don’t want to be angry, not with Poe, of all people. But you can’t stop yourself. He’s rolling over and playing lapdog for his perfect princess, same as he always does. Your cheeks burn with anger.

Hurt crosses his face, his hands suspended where they were. “Both. She sent two of her best people. She sent you, and me because we work so well together. Because we could get it done much faster, quieter, better than anyone else on this base.” He says and your heart wavers.

You don’t want to cause him any more pain. You take a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, I think I just need sleep.” The words sound stiff, forced.

“Do you want me to stay?” He asks, but you shake your head.

“No. I’m just gonna catch a few hours and then get to work on the report for Leia.”

“No, I already did that.” He corrects.

“She asked me for one.”

“I debriefed so you wouldn’t have to go through it again.” He clenches his hands. “I’ll take care of it.” He promises.

“I don’t mind. It might give her a better idea of what a rotten liar you are.” You say, trying to joke.

“I didn’t lie.” He huffs, leaning down and pressing the softest kiss to your forehead. “I’ll leave BB8 with you if you need anything. Come find me when you wake up?”

“Promise.” Your voice cracks at just the wrong moment and he stills, looking down at you.

“I can stay. Just like in the cave.” He offers.

“Go away.”

He gives your hand a gentle squeeze and stands up. “What happened to the door?” He asks.

“I shoved Bryce through it.” You admit and he breaks out into a grin.

“That’s my girl.” He praises before walking through it.

You have to stop yourself from calling him back, from begging him to stay with you. It’s not that you don’t trust anyone else here, they are your friends. But, Poe would understand. He knows what you went through, he understands what it was like. He won’t judge you for being upset. When you lost your temper with him just now, he didn’t get mad, he talked you down.

No, Poe Dameron understands better than anyone what emotions you’re going through right now. He goes through them on a daily basis and has for a long time.

***

You can’t look at him. Every time you do, another wave of guilt threatens to drown you. You kissed him. You kissed him. You have a boyfriend back home, missing you and you went and kissed your best friend. And worse, got said best friend captured by the enemy.

Now, he’s furious with you. Hasn’t said a word in hours. You can’t remember the last thing he said. Did he shush you? Was it your name? You can’t remember. Tears blur your vision as you try to twist your face away from him.

“Shit. Y/N,” he starts. “Hey, it’s gonna be okay. I’ll get us out of this.” He promises.

And just the fact that he thinks that’s what you’re upset about is blindingly frustrating. And that he feels the need to fix your fuck up.

“Why don’t they just kill us?” You ask, forcing the tears not to fall.

“They probably want information on the Resistance.” He clenches his jaw. “Y/N, I never wanted to have to say this to you, but no matter what they do to you, you can’t talk. You can’t tell them anything.” He pleads.

You nod. “Okay. I won’t say anything.” You promise weakly. The idea of being tortured is so out of your realm, you don’t know what to expect. But Poe seems to know something at the very least.

He curses again and you look back at his face. “I promise. I promise I’ll get us out of this.” He thrashes against the metal restraints on the upright table and you worry he’s going to hurt himself.

“I’ll be okay, Poe.” You whisper, but he squeezes his eyes shut.

The door behind you opens and a StormTrooper walks in. You can’t tell if it’s one of the same ones from the forest, but it doesn’t matter. This one is carrying a tray with a cloth covering it.

“Ready to begin?” He asks, voice modulated to fit your nightmares. “Where is your base of rebel scum?” He asks, slowly removing the cloth and picking up a thin blade. He turns towards Poe, sliding the knife under the silver chain around your partner’s neck. His mother’s ring, beautiful as it glints in the light, slowly rotates into view. Poe struggles slightly, giving his restraints another hard yank, but he gets nowhere. The stormtrooper curls his fingers around it, tugging and popping the chain free. He tosses it into the dank corner and it disappears from view. Poe snarls until the trooper lifts the glittering knife again and turns his helmet towards you. You can feel him studying you, sizing you up.

“I said, where is your base of rebel scum?”

Poe looks over at you, and you can see the worry in his eyes. Will he start with you? Or with Poe? When neither of you answers, he turns and slashes out at your best friend. You cry out, thinking he cut his throat, but instead, there’s a small cut on his cheekbone.

“I haven’t got anywhere to be. Let’s begin again.” He says evenly and your stomach clenches uncomfortably.

***

You sit up with a ragged gasp, clutching at your face. Blindly, you find the medical droid and sign yourself out, grabbing the blanket and heading through the halls for the one person you want to see. BB8 rolls after you, chirping quietly. You feel for the chain in your pocket, the weight of it is comforting.

You knock quietly on the door. It’s so late, you shouldn’t be here. The door slides open and he's there in front of you, exhausted and very much alive. He holds out his arms and you step easily into them, heartbeat finally settling.

Poe.

He walks you back inside and lays down on his bed without a single word. No teasing, no jokes. Just him being there for you like always. You wait until he’s comfortable before crawling into bed next to him and laying down, your head resting against his chest.

“I’m sorry.” You mumble.

“Sh. Go to sleep. I’m here.” He says gently, his big, warm hands rubbing your back.

Chapter 7

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#star wars angst #star wars fanfiction #starwars #star wars #fan fiction #poe fanfiction #poe dameron #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron angst #poe dameron fic #poe dameron fluff #poe dameron x reader #poe x you #poe x reader #reader insert #reader fanfiction #poe x y/n #mermaidxatxheart-writes #better together

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barnesbabee · 3 years

Text

ᴄʜᴀᴘᴛᴇʀ ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴ - ᴡᴏɴᴅᴇʀʟᴀɴᴅ

WONDERLAND MASTERLIST ⇜ ᴘʀᴇᴠɪᴏᴜꜱ - ꜱᴇᴠᴇɴ- ɴᴇxᴛ ⟿

CHARACTER LIST: White Rabbit - Choi Jongho Absolem (Blue Catterpilar) - Kang Yeosang Cheshire Cat - Kim Hongjoong Mad Hatter - Choi San Haigha (March Hare) - Jung Wooyoung Tweedle Dee - Song Mingi Tweedle Dum - Jeong Yunho Bloody Red King - Park Seonghwa

ᴛᴀɢʟɪꜱᴛ: @myunvillage @mirror-juliet @jess-1404 @earth-to-leiki [Send me a DM, an ask or comment to be added to the tag list]

"Teach you what?"

"How to be a better man, how to have mercy, and compassion."

Unbeknownst to you, a little purple and pink cat watched every step you took. Of course, it wasn't because he cared. Cheshire (unlike many other Wonderland villagers) genuinely wasn't affected by your presence, or lack there of, but the Hatter had asked him, in exchange of a hefty reward, of course, to keep an eye on his beloved Y/N.

While watching over you Cheshire just did a whole bunch of growling and nose scrunching. He hated the sight of the King, and even worse, was the sight of such a man in love.

"Such a shame to be the bearer of bad news dear friend," Cheshire said, not at bothered by the fact that he had bad news to tell "but it seems as if Y/N will be our new Queen."

The cat twirled a strand of his coloured hair around his index finger, as he fell down onto one of the many chairs along with the Hatter's never-ending table.

The Hatter's eyes widened and so did his toothy smile.

"She's carrying on with the plan! She will decapitate him herself and become our Queen! Oh but I'm so happy I could dance the Futterwacken again!"

He clapped feverously and suggested a toast, clearly missing the meaning of Cheshire's words.

"I'm afraid you missed what I meant, Hatter. She will be our Queen, because she will be marrying the King."

The atmosphere suddenly became silent, eerie even. The Hatter's green, sparkly eyes transformed into an ugly, rage-filled, yellow. The man gripped the teacup on his hand so hard it broke, but the rage, disappointment, and growing heartbreak fogged his brain to the point where he didn't even notice the pain, nor the blood trickling down his palm.

The Hatter was rarely angry, but when he was, it was enough to scare poor Cheshire, who didn't hesitate in disappearing into thin air. Or he tried to. Before every bit of his body could be gone, the Hatter grabbed Cheshire's hair, making the cat groan in pain, and threw him on the ground.

"What has he done to her!? Was it a curse!?"

Cheshire caressed his head and stood up to look at the Hatter.

"It wasn't a curse Hatter, she fell in love. After you deceived her and the King showed her nothing but truth and love, the choice was pretty evident."

The reasonable explanation seemed to calm down the Hatter, whose eyes morphed back into their greenish colour. However the dread and panic in his face were still evident. Cheshire, still quite upset at Hatter's tantrum, could see on his friend's face an expression of someone about to spew a terrible, terrible idea.

"We must get her away from the Palace. It's gotten into her head. Let's get her back to us!"

The man-like cat floated back to his usual place in the air, twirling in the process. He chuckled audibly, showing his sharp canines in the process.

"Hmm yes, let's steal her away from the man she's come to love, so she could be with us, the people who lied to her for our own benefit. Sounds like a party if you ask me..."

"A party!?" Haigha exclaimed, his left eye twitching as he smiled widely at the mention of his favourite hobbie.

"That's where the King's behaviour comes in our favour," the Hatter said, patting Haigha's head so he'd sit back down "once he sees her take her beloved Queen away, he will show his true colours, Remember how scared and freaked out she was last time we saw her? She said he seemed really sweet while talking to her until he eventually snapped. Once he snaps, he will freak out and bring out the tyrant's behaviour and scare her away."

It was hard for Cheshire to admit, but his mad friend's plan wasn't so mad after all. It was possible to accomplish what the Hatter suggested, and there was nothing to lose, you already hated them anyway.

The Hatter slapped his thighs and stood up, fixing his big top hat in the process.

"Shall we go?"

Haigha was already standing up from his seat when Cheshire stopped them.

"Perhaps we should discuss the plan further... Something tells me we might need some help from Absolem and Bayard..."

Sneaking you out past the Card Knights would take a lot of help, and Cheshire had already worked out in his head the escape plan. It would take a little pressure on Absolem, as he managed to care even less about the people around him than Cheshire did, but the cat was sure he could get a shrinking cake out of the blue catterpillar. After shrinking you and hatter down to the size of a strawberry, Bayard (the loyal dog friend of Hatter's, that Cheshire tried his best to keep a distance of) would bring you to the White Rabbit's house, as it would be too obvious to come back to the Hatter's cabin.

The cat had no intention to help you, but he did like to see some drama and commotion in Wonderland once in a while, and this was his chance.

Whilst all of the furious planning went on on the greenlands of Wonderland, in the Palace you and the King sat opposite of each other on his bed, gossiping like two high schoolers.

"And then my best friend at the time, Anna, slept with my boyfriend and said it was 'because of a dare'. I forgave her because we had been friends for so long but then she told my crush that I smelled so I stopped being her friend."

The King nodded along and listened attentively (trying his best to cross his legs just like you, but failing miserably) to your story.

"Hm yes, yes, I understand. My best friend ate one of my tarts so I cut off his head."

You couldn't help but scoff at the way he compared the situations, although you reprehended him right after for the heartless act.

He had asked to know of your previous life, how it was back in your world, and so you sat there reminiscing your past for hours on end. Most people in Wonderland came from other places, but Seonghwa had never been elsewhere, as he was born in the Kingdom.

"So this establishment you call 'school', was it like a club you went to where you reunited with your peers?"

"No, no. School was a mandatory thing for all kids, we went there and a bunch of teachers taught us about different things."

"Hm, but all you've told me so far were anecdotes about these friends of yours, what were these classes like?"

You blushed slightly, realizing that in fact, you didn't remember shit from school, aside from past dramas.

"Well, they told us many things about earth, about what makes the world move, about how society works, and what makes things work. We learned about gravity, about numbers, about stars-"

"Stars!?"

The King's eyes lit up as if he was a child whom you had promised ice cream to.

"Yes, stars. Why?"

Seonghwa stood up from the bed in such a violent manner, he nearly fell. The man ran over to his closet, from where he retrieved an old book. The hard cover was beginning to tear, and the once white pages had become a weird mix of brown and yellow, but you took it in your hands nevertheless.

"This book once fell into the Wonderland when I was a child. I was alone most of the time, so it kept me company. I can tell from the images it talks about the stars, and I think I learned a lot from it since I stared at them a lot, but I cannot comprehend the alien language."

The King leaned against the headboard, and you laid beside him, placing your head on his chest, so you could hear his now nervous heart beating fast from the contact. Out of instinct, the King placed his arm around you and pulled you closer, as you opened the book.

You chuckled slightly, after seeing the author of the book and opening its pages.

"Seonghwa this isn't an alien language, it's Italian. Well, I guess it's an alien language to you, but it was funny that you said it that way... The person who wrote it was very influential back where I'm from, he taught the people of Earth many things about our space."

The male listened carefully as you tried your best to explain the things in the book as best as you could.

"This here is what we call the Solar System. It has nine planets, but only one of them has people, this one, where I live." You told him, pointing towards Earth.

Seonghwa noticed how your posture changed, after you remembered once more that you would never return home again, and panicked for a second. He disliked many things, but your tears had definitely gone up to his number 1 on the list.

"How about I ask for a picnic to be arranged in the garden, and at night we can watch the stars."

You turned to face him and smiled as you nodded. Seonghwa's thumb caressed your arm, and you couldn't help but to place a soft kiss on his lips, as a 'thank you'. No matter how many times you did that, the King never seemed to get used to it. He would always feel butterflies in his stomach and fireworks exploding on his chest. Sometimes you felt perverted, thinking of how he'd react if one day you decided to take it... further. You imagined how pretty he'd look... But you decided to take your time. Baby steps...

The King couldn't wait for dinner time, and you could tell from the number of times he had gone up to the window and pushed away the blinds to see if the sun was finally setting.

As he was staring out the window, you came behind him and wrapped your arms around his figure.

"Can I tell you a secret?"

Seonghwa looked around, to make sure no one was nearby eavesdropping. He wouldn't want your secret to being known.

You tiptoed so your lips could be leveled with his ear.

"You're adorable."

Once you got back down and looked into his gleeful eyes, you smiled.

"Let's keep this secret between us!" He joked along.

"Yes, I wouldn't want the other ladies to know and steal you away."

Seonghwa held your face and lovingly placed a kiss on your forehead.

"The other ladies don't stand a chance next to you princess."

Your cheeks heated up and you slapped his chest out of embarrassment. The King's face grew worried and confused.

"Why did you hit me? Have I done something wrong? It was meant to be a compliment I'm sorry I compared you to-"

You grabbed his face and squished his cheeks, making him form an adorable pout with his red lips.

"Seonghwa, it was a good thing. I slapped your chest because I was embarrassed, I was really touched by your compliment."

Once you let go of his face, the King tapped his chin with his index finger, in a pensive manner.

"I have much to learn about our future interactions, I do not understand many things."

You just chuckled and took his hand in yours.

"We have many years ahead of us, you will learn someday."

The small acknowledgment of your future made Seonghwa very happy. Never in his pitiful life had he even thought of being this happy over small actions... Last week the only thing that brought him joy was the sound of a traitor's head hitting the concrete floors of the palace's main area, but since you arrived, a smile was all it took for his cold heart to start beating again.

It didn't take long before one of the frogmen knocked on the door to inform the picnic was ready. Seonghwa didn't let go of your hand as you walked outside, to sit among the red roses.

You had finally come to terms with Wonderland's weird food. You had no choice really...

"Have you never been attracted to anyone, Seonghwa?" You asked as you munched down on a sandwich of... whatever it was.

Seonghwa's expression faded a little.

"Once. I had just become King and I thought that the next step would, logically, be the find a Queen. Every woman displeased me. All but one. She was beautiful, hair as dark as the night sky, tanned skin from the sun, and a beautiful mole under the eye. But she was cold, evil... I thought that it was a perfect match. After all, I wasn't the most caring person. But she would treat me like a servant. Our relationship was purely to serve a purpose to the Kingdom, nothing else. We slept in separate rooms and spent the day apart. We only dined together, but since I saw the same behavior from my parents I thought that that was love. Our wedding had been scheduled long before she moved into the castle, we were simply waiting for the preparations to be finished. Everything was custom made, from the clothes to the flowers on every table. The day before the wedding I walked to her bedroom and found her laying with a servant of mine. You know, back when they weren't... Frogs. I had them both decapitated, of course. And I swore off love forever. That is until you came along."

You flashed him a sad smile and set down your food. He looked awfully confused as you climbed onto his lap, but he didn't protest.

You brushed his dark hair away from his eyes. Both of them. He suddenly felt very exposed and insecure, but you kissed his cheek, reassuringly.

"Ever since I came down here you've shown me nothing but love, and honesty. You didn't try to sugarcoat who you are, or what you've done, and I appreciate your honesty. My place in Wonderland is with you."

The male smiled, and kissed you, a little more passionately than all of the previous times. The male's hands trailed down your ass, and pulled you on top of his growing erection.

"For someone who has never been with anyone you're quite good at this."

"Well I... I lied. I had a fiancé after all, and we laid together but we didn't get far. There was no kissing involved, she just wanted to get it over with since I was the one who suggested we should... do it. But she made fun of me for not being good at it and I became... insecure. I was insecure and for the longest time I've wanted to try it with you, because you give me those special butterflies but I was afraid I'd disappoint you."

"What a cold, heartless bitch!" You thought to yourself. No wonder he was so bad at human interactions, every relationship he had was a trainwreck!

You grabbed his face and placed a long kiss on his lips.

"Well then, let me lead at first. If you start feeling more confident, you can take the lead, if not, I'll stay in control, okay?"

The King simply nodded and kissed you once more. This time deeper than he had ever kissed anyone. Tongues fighting so intensely the King nearly missed the way your hand expediently undid his trousers. Your hand slipped inside his boxers and took out his length. You looked down at the dick in your hand and widened your eye.

"Well aren't I a lucky girl."

You spat in your hand and kissed him again, as your hand worked up and down his shaft. The King was surprisingly very vocal, and he didn't try to hide or suppress any of his pretty moans (and for that you were thankful.

You stopped your hand, right as he was getting riled up.

"Ready for something better?"

The King watched you strip from your panties, and he cursed the frilly dress that covered your womanhood, but as soon as you sunk down on his cock, all of his worries and anguishes washed away. It was automatic, the way he gripped your hips and made you bounce on him as he snapped your hips against yours was something he did naturally as if he truly knew what he was doing. You brought out something different in him, and the King was simply doing was his body was telling him to do.

You gripped his shoulders, overwhelmed with the feeling of having him inside you.

"S-shit Seonghwa, you're good, r-really fucking good."

"Oh yeah?"

He flipped you two around, so he could pound into you with all the strength he had. Your words of encouragement were all he needed.

Your consistent (and loud) moans got him on the edge quickly, and he knew he wouldn't last long.

"Y/N forgive me, but I don't think I can last much longer."

Your hand reached down and began circling your clit, so when he came inside you, filling you up with his cum, you came right after, with a loud cry for his name.

Seonghwa laid on top of you, his face nuzzled on the crook of your neck, trying to regain his breath. You ran your hand through his hair as you did the same, looking up at the sky.

"The stars sure look beautiful today."

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wolfs-hunt1 · 4 years

Text

Wolf Kisses 2

Pairing: Stucky x Shapeshifter reader

Summary: Steve and Bucky find out the truth and end up trying to help (I can’t do summaries, I still have no idea what to write here)

Word count: 2048

Warnings: angsty, sorry for any typo

A/N: Still not sure where I want to take this XD, but I’m enjoying writing this fic a lot, so until I feel like it isn’t over I’ll keep making some more chapters. Can’t guarantee another one for next monday, because university is about to start, but I’ll try not to take too long.

THANK YOU ALL so much for the suport you have giving this story! I love you all!!!

Tag list is OPEN

— — — — —

Part 1

Bucky buries his head further into a warm neck, inhaling deeply the foreign scent. Bucky doesn’t remember Steve ever having a mild fruity scent on him. He holds the body closer, long locks of hair getting tangled on his fingers. Ok now his sleep heavy mind knows something is wrong, Steve’s hair was short. His mind starts to wake up more, body stirring slowly until he can stand to open his eyes is the barely-there sunlight.

The sight before him made him real back a bit, hand reaching for the knife he kept hidden under his pillow. A woman was nestled in their bed, previously curling herself around bucky’s body, but once he got away, she curled into Steve’s seeking the warmth they radiated.

“Hey…” he whispers, shaking her shoulder for a few seconds. No answer at all. so he tried again, this time a bit louder “Hey, you…” this actually makes Steve stir in his sleep, arms tightening around the girl’s middle and pulling her head into the crock of his neck.

“What Buck…” he grumbles still asleep.

“Steve wake up.” Bucky sais now more forcefully making Steve open his eyes and look at the girl in his arms, alarmed when he doesn’t recognize her. With all the commotion the girl also wakes up, stretching a bit and looking blearily up at the two towering super-soldiers surrounding her. Then her eyes trail to the knife Bucky’s pointing at her and she scrambles out of the best so fast she gets her legs tangled in the sheets and falls, crawling the rest of the way until her back is flush to the window.

She’s breathing hard, hands raised in defense. She looks so tiny tucked in a ball in the corner of their room. Steve looks at the girl and then the knife and puts a hand softly on Bucky’s arm, silently telling him to put it away.

Bucky looks at her, taking in her appearance, and suddenly stops. Her leg was wrapped in bandages, the same leg the wolf had had her bandages. He looks at her eyes, questions zooming past in his head. ‘what did this mean? who is she? where is the wolf?’

“Ok, let’s calm down.” Steve tried to dissipate the electrically charged room, slowly climbing out of the bed and reaching for some sweatpants to put on. Bucky didn’t move from the spot, gaze locked on her, and making her shrink more into herself. From where he stood it looked like she was trying to melt into the glass. He could see Steve approached her softly, like one would a sacred animal, a shirt in his extended hand for her to take. She pulled the shirt down her head and hips, making sure all her body was covered in the oversized fabric. “What’s your name?” Steve tried to keep his voice soft, but even he was confused with what was happening.

“Y/N.” her voice was gruff and small like she hadn’t used it for months, and she had to clear her throat to make herself heard.

“How did you got here?” Steve asks, sitting in the corner of the bed to seem less intimidating to the poor girl.

“You… you brought me here.” her eyes are cast downwards, but she can still see Bucky’s scowl appear on his face. “I’m sorry….” she whispers.

“What do you mean we brought you here?”

“I'm… I’m a shapeshifter.” once neither of them said anything she continued, “I can turn into a wolf. ”

“Oh… you didn’t have to hide you know?” Steve said.

“Being hurt prevented me from shifting back, so I’ve been a wolf for this past week. I must have shifted back during the night…”

“So you’ve lied to us…” Bucky shoots, making you look up at him startled.

“I didn’t lie, I couldn’t even speak! I was being hunted, I ran for shelter. I didn’t ask for you guys to help me, I appreciate it though, but you can’t accuse me of lying.”

“Buck, calm down, let’s all try and get everything straightened up, without accusing anyone.” Bucky glared at him for a full minute before relenting and getting up from the bed, moving to the bathroom to get dressed.“Why don’t you join us downstairs for breakfast? We can talk better after a cup of coffee.” he offered you a kind simile with those words, and after considering it for a moment you relented and got up, leg still a bit sore.

Steve gave you some gym shorts for you to wear, despite having to tie the laces a bit better so they wouldn’t fall, and Bucky came out of the bathroom, fully clothed and a glare directed at you making you look at anywhere but him.

—

The kitchen was awfully silent, the only sounds were of the coffee pot dripping, and of the pancakes, Steve was flipping at the stove. You were awkwardly sitting at the stool behind the island counter, Bucky in front of you not saying a word, but you could see the war waging through his eyes.

The atmosphere was suffocating, and making your skin crawl with anxiety. “Look…” you started, “I know I should have said anything sooner, I’m sorry. But the fewer people that know my secret the safer I am.”

“What did you mean you were being hunted?” those are the first words Bucky has uttered in what seems like forever, and so you look at him to give him all of your attention, less he goes back to silently throw daggers at you.

“I… I haven’t seen my family in years. We were a small community of shapeshifters, just living our lives without hurting anyone until they came. Hydra. They burnt our houses to the ground. Killed anyone that tried to protect themselves and captured the rest.” your voice is cracking and so you take a deep breath to ground yourself before you continue. “I managed to run away, and I’ve been running ever since. I’ve been using that cabin whenever I need to recover from any wounds, I had no idea you were going to be there. I… I have been spotted a couple of weeks ago by a poacher. He saw me while I was out hunting, and he started to lay down traps to get me. A giant wolf’s pelt must be worth a lot.”

Steve had plated the pancakes and had put a plate in front of you while you were talking. When you finished and looked at them, he smiled and nodded his head to the place of food in front of you, encouraging you to eat something. You say a small thanks and take small bites from the buttery pancake.

“How did you managed to get stuck on a trap?” Bucky is silently taking in your words.

“After weeks of avoiding him and his traps he started to get more violent. He would hide loaded guns ready to fire with tripwires, he would burry the traps under the snow, he even tried to starve me by scaring away any prey I tried to hunt. In the end, it was the exhaustion of not having sleep in days and my hunger that made me lose focus, I stepped on a trap and panicked, I managed to break the chain and get away from there.

I reached the house to take shelter, honestly, I don’t know what I would do without you guys… I wouldn’t be able to turn back, so I would have just bled to death probably.”

“Hydra killed your family?” his voice is laced with anger and you can see the vein on his jaw thick, his metal fist is closed so tightly that if it were flesh the nails would have pierced the skin.

“They captured most of them. They wanted to use us for their own gains. Once our alpha refused to let them use us, they came back with guns and took them by force. They killed him right in front of me… They killed my father because he refused to stop protecting his pack.” you could feel the tears in your eyes spilling down your cheeks, shaky sobs being swallowed down so you wouldn’t be rendered to a blubbering mess in front of the two guys.

—

They let her stay up in their apartment, away from Tony and the experiments he had wanted to do to her wolf self. Bucky keeps his distance, he had felt like she had betrayed him, by hiding who she was, but at the same time, he understood why. She was on the run from hydra, for what she knew they could have tracked her to the cabin and took her.

They weren’t so surprised with what she was, Inhumans had been on shields radar for a long time, so having an entire population be able to turn into wolfs wasn’t such a big deal. The fact that hydra had hunted them and captured them, now that was alarming. Bucky had been silently devising an attack plan to try and find where they had been taken to after they were captured to go with a team to recover them. He knew what suffering at the hands of hydra felt like, and he didn’t want them to have to experience more of that if he could avoid it.

Steve had been talking to her all day, asking questions about her life on the run, and her wolf form, and the fact that she’s been living away neer that cabin for weeks now, with the only human contact she’s had, had been the poacher trying to kill her.

He’s startled from his thinking when he feels her hand on his shoulder, silently questioning if she could sit with him on the small sofa. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to keep apologizing.”

“No, no I do need. You two helped me without thinking twice, and I just used you both to keep me safe from the poacher. I’m ashamed to admit it, but I was scared he would just have followed me and would kill me during the night. So I went to try and sleep on the floor of the cabin’s bedroom.”

“Really? I distinctly remember you hopping on the bed and trying to steal the blankets.” he jokes prompting her to shove him lightly with her shoulder.

“It was freezing in there, and you two are human heaters. So yeah, I also took advantage of that. Besides I didn’t hear you complaining, if anything I was almost going to die if you squeezed me any tighter while you were asleep, I might be fluffy, but I’m not a teddy bear you know?” this makes Steve laugh loudly, holding his shaking sides to try and not fall from his perch on the barstool.

“He doesn’t want to admit it, but he really likes to cuddle while asleep!” he wheezes out between fleeting breaths. You look at Bucky in time to see his red cheeks before he turns his face away from the two of you, grumbling something under his breath.

“Well guys, it’s getting late, I’ll take the couch, and then tomorrow you can let Tony know that his test subject has run away, and then I can just sneak out of the tower and I won’t bother you ever again.

“NO!” Bucky says a bit to fast startling both you and Steve. “I mean, you don’t need to leave. If you stay we can help you find your family.”

“Buck’s right. We’ve been hunting down Hydra bases for a while now, and if we do find where your family has been taken we can save them.”

“Don’t.”

“What?”

“Don’t do that. Don’t give me hope with something you don’t know you can do. We don’t know if they can be save let alone if they are even still alive.”

“Hey…” Steve sais, getting up from the stool and coming to where you had stood up and started pacing, running his hand in your back comfortingly. “Yes, we don’t know that. But if there’s the smallest chance that we can find them, I think we should take it.” his baby blue eyes held a strength you had long thought lost, but they were enough to ground you and give you some hope.

Part 3

Tags: @hidden-treasures21 @jelly-fishy-babie @thedarkplume @fallenoutofrose @animegirlgeeky @salveangeli @lokilokilokilokilokiloki

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #Steve Rogers #steve x reader #fluff #wolf #My writing #shapeshifter #stucky x reader #stucky #steve x bucky #steve x bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #steve rogers x reader

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vickypoochoices · 5 years

Text

Scrabble Heart.

Author's Note: I don't write James fics ever, but this idea came to me and he was the only person I could imagine pulling this off! I also need you to excuse any mistakes regarding the rules for Scrabble. I played once, over ten years ago, and cried because I was so awful at it! I've had a quick Google of the rules, and I know I've forgotten about the double points on the first go, but we can forget all about that when we see the outcome of this game right? I hope!

Tagging: I don't really have a tag list for James, so i'm sorry if I've tagged you and you aren't interested. @zigortega4life @emerald-bijou @littlegreenmoo @krsnlove

"I miss Zack. He would never pick on me like you have. Relentlessly. All day long.”

“Oh boo hoo. Cry me a river. Who do you think planted this little idea in my head in the first place?” Kaitlyn retorts, not even glancing up from where she's picking at her worn down, stubby nails.

A sharp hiss of breath, grinding teeth and a tight ball of scrunched up fingers under the table was her only response initially, a half hearted threat eventually following. "When he gets back I’m gonna...”

“Shower me with kisses? Squeeze me so tight I literally explode?” A giddy squeal from the entrance to the coffee shop interrupted her.

“ZACK?! What are you doing here?”

“Did you really think I’d miss one of the biggest nights of my best friend’s life?”

A sharp slap sounded out as the palms of Zack and Kaitlyn met in unison for a high five. Both wearing matching smug smiles. Both watching on as their friend sagged against a corner seat.

“Good job Liao. She’s a tough one to crack but with a little perseverance we’ll have her coming round to our way of thinking in no time.”

Zack slid into the seat next to her, bringing an arm up to hang loosely around her shoulders. Her nostrils flared at the overwhelming and intensely overpowering scent that followed. Not what she had grown accustomed to. Zack smelt fresh, fruity, exotic. Shrinking back slightly, she eyed him cautiously, taking note of his face. Flecked with a smattering of fresh freckles, and the tone of his skin; a shade pinker than what was probably deemed desirable. She flinched at the sudden thud of Zack's backpack tumbling to the floor.

Whilst one eyebrow remained in place, higher than the other, her hands betrayed her, instinctively grabbing at thin air greedily, eager to snap up the thick slab of chocolate she could see poking out the top of the bag.

“Present!” He exclaimed, still not making a move, eerily still and watching her closely. She swallowed hard, suddenly on edge.

“Did you get abducted by aliens whilst you were away or something? One, you are being really weird right now. Like, really weird. Two, the Zack I know would buy chocolate as a gift for me, but find it too irresistible and end up eating it himself then palm me off with a fridge magnet. And three, am I really supposed to believe that you got a tan if that’s what you want to call it, from a last minute trip around Europe?”

“Okay well one, if I really was abducted by aliens I’d be selling my story and making my millions right now instead of wasting my time here with you. Two, that was one time that I ate your chocolate and i’ve spent the last five years apologising for my mistake, how much longer are you going to hold it against me? And finally, Europe does get hot. Sometimes. I’ll have you know.” Zack puffed out the breath he’d been holding, cheeks reddening with each word. He looked her over, a smirk tugging at his lips, a glimmer in his eye.

“And I thought it could serve as your first engagement present too, I was going to get James a nice bottle of wine for tonight, but I ran out of money.”

She rolled her eyes, tutting loudly. “That’s it, I take it all back. From this moment on I am best friend less.” She stared pointedly at Zack, Kaitlyn giggling in the background as she stealthily swiped the chocolate bar, taking advantage of Zack's momentary lapse of concentration.

“Love you too babe! I’d better be the first person you call once James pops the question or I’ll seriously have to reconsider my answer when you ask me to be your man of honour.”

A sweet smile ghosted her lips as she flipped him the bird before flouncing out of the coffee shop. An unsettling feeling began to rise in the pit of her stomach, a bitter taste still apparent after the conversation she'd just had.

The fresh air hit her face on, hair whipping around wildly as a gust of autumnal wind swept past her. But she barely even noticed, subconsciously winding her pashmina a little tighter around herself, her nose burying into it. As her feet carried her off down the path littered with crunchy, crisp golden leaves, her mind was stuck in St. Mark's Basilica. The large round domes and marble multi coloured pillars. With her feet now rounding a corner, her mind wandered further, now walking along the Bridge of Sighs at the Doge's Palace. She paused for a second, surprising herself as a rumble of laughter escaped her mouth unexpectedly.

"It's fascinating here. And beautiful. We could get lost in Venice and roam the streets for months and I'd still never tire of this place." James talked animatedly, his pace of speech hurried as his excitement grew, all the while his thumb brushed over her knuckles soothingly, despite his apparent excitement overtaking his mouth.

The glistening water that passed them, as they both stole glances of each other. James looking at her wistfully and lingering. Nope. If he was going to propose it would have been then. In Italy. One of the most beautiful and romantic countries in the world. Or any one of the other amazing places they'd visited together. Not a random Thursday night in their apartment of all places. She shook her head, unsure why she even entertained the idea. This was Zack and Kaitlyn anyway. Why did she ever take them seriously in the first place?

A long, drawn out breath escaped as she made her way into her shared apartment with James, silently cursing the loud jangle of keys that seemed to slice through the silence. At least Zack didn't bring her another keyring back. Her set contained two keys but dozens of mismatched keyrings, mainly little momentos as a memory of the places her and James had visited. They'd taken a year off together. They were both busy and successful in their own rights, but some days it had seemed as though they were slipping into the old ships in the night routine, which so many long term relationships always seemed to suffer. James had often talked about showing her the world one day, until the words 'Why not today' tumbled out of her mouth in a rush, little to no thought actually going into the logistics of it all.

Twirling around on the spot, her eyes narrowed, skepticism pooling within her as she took note of her dimly lit surroundings. James sat hunched over their dining table, flicking his wrist a few times, a flickering flame from his matchstick disapating cleanly, her nostrils flaring slightly at the heavy smokey scent drifting towards her. The room would have been pitch black, were it not for the dozens and dozens of candles strategically dotted around the living room. Shit. He's not...?

Catching sight of her, James's demeanor changed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, mustering up a lopsided grin, neither confirming nor denying her suspicions.

"Hey." His voice was normal. Not squeaky or strained, no hint of nerves in the slightest. Her voice however betrayed her, the notes wavering shakily as she choked out a terse 'hey' of her own in response.

Something in the way she remained rooted to the spot, anxiously eyeing every candle painfully slowly must have prompted James as to the inner turmoil she was currently battling.

Striding the short distance between them, her fingers greedily snatched up the half full wine glass she found pressed between them, a trace amount dribbling out of the corner of her mouth as she struggled to knock it back cleanly in one.

He eyed her curiously, warmth jolting her to her senses as his hand covered hers, steadying, as he seamlessly removed the glass from her grasp and sat it down on a nearby coffee table. The warmth radiated through her, her whole body fighting off a chill she wasn't even aware of until now. Tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear, his warmth spread to her face, a rosy glow heating her cheeks as he cupped her face in his hand, watching her with an unreadable expression.

"The electricity's out."

She tried to reign in the breath she hadn't even realised she'd been holding, a short puff of air the only thing to pass her lips somehow. Idiot! There's a perfectly good explanation after all!

"That...makes sense."

A rich chuckle rumbled, James cocking his head to the side as he looked her over from top to bottom, perplexed. "Are you okay?"

She stared, deadpan for a moment, mouth slightly agape before pulling herself together. She wasn't about to let Zack and Kaitlyn ruin this night. Game night was one of her favourite nights of the week!

Nodding her head once, setting her shoulders back and fixing her face with an award winning smile she hoped wasn't too over the top, she took a step towards the 'game table'. "I'm fine Ashton. Just eager to beat your ass, as usual!"

Breaking out into a grin, he paced over to the table, both now hovering by their designated seats. "Is that so?"

"Have you been getting a little extra practice in tonight?" She jerked her head towards the Scrabble board set out in the middle of the table, a few words scattered around.

"The pressure is on me tonight."

She swallowed hard, mind going into overdrive for all of thirty seconds before James pressed on.

"If I remember correctly, you've won two weeks in a row."

Bringing a hand up to cup around her ear, her eyes twinkled mischievously. "Say it a little louder."

He chuckled distractedly, his gaze dropping to her lips. As James took a step towards her, she took one backwards, the heel of her foot knocking into contact with her chair. Her eyes widened, a brief moment of panic washing over her. Fingers curling tightly around the fabric of James's shirt reflexively, she braced herself for the fall, expecting James to come tumbling down with her. Instead, strong arms encircled her waist, gently placing her harmlessly into position on her chair.

A momentary loss of balance forced James down with her. Their foreheads coming to rest together, her chest rising and falling exaggeratedly as she caught her breath. Grateful for the strong arms wrapped protectively around her and the feather light strokes of his fingertips along one of her hip bones that followed.

Her eyes found their way to his and found them seeking out an answer to his unanswered question. A slight angle of her head was all it took, her lips latching onto his once, then twice, hoping that would be enough to reassure him that she was fine.

"Someone's eager to play." James whispered into her covered neck, before dipping lower to place a single kiss against her collar bone.

Her cheeks flushed, slowly unravelling the long pashmina she'd long since forgotten about.

"How about we play later?" Her lips tugged upwards into a coy smile, as she beckoned him closer still with a crook of her finger.

A startling crackle from one of the candles distantly in the room pulled them apart.

A small patch of skin on the back of her hand glistened under the candlelight as James left a lingering kiss there. "As tempting as that offer is..."

The formation of a sharp crease between his brows had her unintentionally mirroring him, a furrow of confusion flitting across her features at the obvious deflection. His words were at odds with his facial features, and she couldn't understand why.

Swallowing down an influx of unwelcome emotions, a breezy smile slipped into place as she turned her attention to the table, eager for a distraction. Settling back in the chair and sucking in a healthy amount of air, she welcomed the space as James eased himself off of her, and into position opposite.

Hands steepled together, her wandering eyes latched onto the opposite side of the table. A collection of tiles with a mismatch of complete and half strung together words caught her attention, the most striking being Eternity. Chin jutting, eyes narrowed, voice croaking, she managed just one word.

"Cheat!"

"This is one game I very much hope I can win tonight." His eyes sparkled in the darkness.

"Ready when you are."

Dipping his head, James alternated between an awkward squint and a cocky flit between his letters. After what felt like an eternity, he finally placed down his first word. Love.

Really? All of that build up for four letters and seven fucking points?

"Losing never looked so sexy before." She smirked teasingly.

"I just need a little more time to warm up."

A thin sheen of sweat shone off his forehead, but before she could voice any concern a sharp buzz at the door interrupted. Raising an eyebrow questioningly, James shrugged casually, using the back of his hand to swiftly swipe at his clammy forehead.

"Well I couldn't make us dinner with the electricity out, so I went ahead and ordered us some pizza. Could you go? I'm pondering over my next move and I'll probably just start spurting out random words to the delivery guy if I go."

"Don't get ahead of yourself Ashton. I think you'll find it's my turn next. We didn't up the stakes last week without my knowledge did we? Because you are acting strange all of a sudden. Unless you just can't take the humiliation of being beaten by me three weeks in a row..."

"Sounds like someone is worried about that winning streak coming to an end."

With a stern face and narrowed eyes, she outstretched two fingers in front of her, before moving them back and forth between the pair, signalling that she's watching him.

"I promise you." James smiled, raising his hand and placing it over his heart, sincerity flushing his features. "I'm not cheating, and we didn't up the stakes. This game is an important one. There's no coming back from this for me if you beat me three weeks in a row."

She nodded her head once in acceptance before bounding over to the door, eager to get back to the game.

"Good evening ma'am." A muffled voice greeted her, buried behind a stack of pizza boxes.

"Seems everyone in the building had the same idea tonight, we're rushed off our feet. Now then, which one of these is yours?"

A middle aged, kind faced man suddenly appeared as he carefully manoeuvred the tower of boxes onto the floor.

"Huh, looks like there's been a mix up. Nothing is labelled, makes my job a hell of a lot harder let me tell you kid! There's no other way to do it than opening the boxes and looking through."

A slight huff and an irritated glance back at James followed, not that he noticed. He was hunched over, scrutinising each tile whilst stroking his chin absentmindedly.

"Alright let's do this. James is awkward and orders extra toppings, so I guess his should be easy to spot."

Time seemed to stand still as the delivery guy sifted through the mountain of boxes painstakingly slowly.

"Well what do you know, the bottom two eh? What are the chances?"

She found her eyebrows raising and her foot tapping, her patience well and truly tested now.

"Okay great. Thanks so much. Have a great night!" She strained out, struggling with all her might to refrain from slamming the door in his face.

"Can you believe that James? Next time I think I'd rather just starve!"

Winding her way back to the table, she frowned at the now vacant seat, James no where to be seen. Setting down the pizza boxes in the middle of the table, she let out a long sigh. Same thing every Thursday. Wine goes straight through him! Her lips curled up into a cunning smile, as she risked a peek behind her, ensuring James wasn't about to walk in and catch her stealing a glance at his rack and tiles. With the coast clear, she loomed over the empty seat on his side, her throat constricting instantly.

There were no spare tiles, on either James's side or her own. Just the Scrabble board, positioned perfectly straight, and completed. Her legs buckled, the safety of James's chair acting as a net and catching her, her elbows coming to rest on the table as she leaned forward, eyes erratically scanning over the words in place.

Love. Eternity. Italy.

Stomach clenching as realisation set in, she allowed her eyes to drop a little further down. An unmistakablely large diamond ring sat in the centre of the board, the accompanying tiles set out directly underneath it spelt out just four more words. Will. You. Marry. Me.

"I hope Zack and Kaitlyn didn't ruin the surprise."

Mouth agape, her head slowly turned to her right, gaze falling to the floor and landing on James, knelt down on one knee looking at her earnestly.

"James what...?"

"Is it hot in here all of a sudden or is it just me?"

"That might have something to do with the hundreds of candles you've got heating up the room."

"Right, yeah. I didn't think that one through properly did I?"

Her arms folded across her chest, the penny finally dropping.

"The power isn't out?"

"Nope."

"And the pizza delivery guy?"

A sheepish look flits across his face. "He might have been paid handsomely to help me out." He paused, clearing his throat loudly. "But babe, we've sort of strayed a little here."

Her stomach twisted into knots, her heart pounding harshly. "Right err..."

"No wait. This isn't right. I've spent the best part of a year planning all of this and I've messed it all up."

"A year?" She repeated quitely.

"It would have been too obvious to do it whilst we were jetsetting around the world. We'd talked about doing that together for so many years, I didn't want to take anything away from that experience for you."

Her face softened at his words. My James. Always so thoughtful.

"I didn't think it was possible, but every day I fell more and more in love with you. I nearly caved in a few times, even went as far as to check out a jewelers whilst we were in Malta. Then you text me saying you'd woken from your nap and you were starving so I came home with food instead of a ring."

She couldn't help but giggle, cursing herself mentally. Damn you stomach!

"And then we came home and we settled back into our old routine and I thought I'd missed my chance. Then I realised, none of that even matters. I could wine you and dine you in an extravagant restaurant. Or we could stay in, surrounded by all of our firsts."

She chewed on the inside of her lip nervously, but her expression must have faltered, as she felt James stroke her hand timidly, taking a moment to find the right way to answer her confusion.

"The first time we kissed. The first time together properly, how could I ever forget? The first confession of love I'd ever muttered to anyone before. The first experience of living with a partner, my beautiful partner." His eyes softened.

"The first proposal. Hopefully the last! The first moments afterwards, when you've given me your answer..."

Diving downwards and pressing against him forcibly, they fell backwards, tumbling together into the floor. For the second time that night, James found himself instinctively curling his arms around her protectively, their lips melding together in a sudden fierce frenzy.

Panting as he pulled away, James cradled her face in his hands, thumb gently stroking either side in adoration. "Are you okay?"

"Yes."

"Good. I'm glad I could soften the fall for you."

"That yes was an answer to your original question James."

"Right right." He nodded his head slowly, taking a moment for the words to sink in properly. "Yes, as in yes yes?"

"Okay, that word is officially banned from now on!" She quipped, face widening in a broad smile.

Raising her hands to his lips and brushing a kiss to each finger individually, he kept his eyes locked on her's, the threat of happy tears brimming in his eyes as he slowly slipped the ring onto her finger.

"There's just one thing left to do now." He murmured against her mouth, tugging at her bottom lip.

"Which is?"

"Finish the game, of course. What else?"

#choices #play choices #pixelberry #choices: stories you play #choices fanfic archive #choices fandom #choices fanfiction #james ashton #choices: the senior

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punkscowardschampions · 5 years

Text

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: Cheers for coming yesterday Jimmy: Actually did a decent job on the gifts according to Cass not that she's gonna thank you herself like Janis: No probs, seemed like she had a good time, nice to see Janis: And I'm glad about that, had no idea, awkward age, like Jimmy: I think she did yeah. Better 13th than I had anyway Jimmy: Even if she couldn't bring Twix into the line of fire Janis: Same Janis: All you can ask, yeah? Janis: Don't think Twix is familiar with the idea of a friendly, shit would've got too real Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: Too right. She's a savage Janis: Its why she fucks with her Jimmy: Anyway, if Cass don't text you, let me know and I'll make her Janis: Ain't no snitch Janis: You can tick me off her thank you note list, it's chill Jimmy: Alright Janis: Grace was gutted not to get an invite then I told her Bobby weren't coming and it'd probably fuck up her lewk and she was over it Jimmy: Unlucky Gracie we already had our fair share of mean girls there like Jimmy: Who can compete with tweens Janis: Forreal Janis: past her prime Janis: too bitter a pill to swallow on a Saturday afternoon, like Jimmy: You should tell her its better to get it outta the way. Then your night can go right Janis: So I've heard Janis: you better let her know Jimmy: You're alright Jimmy: Not in the mood for chick flicks and a catch up Janis: Hope it ain't in your not so distant future then Jimmy: Not part of the plan to start dating your sister Janis: She's not the only girl that is down to netflix and chill in this town is she Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: Haven't asked Janis: Didn't come up? Janis: One for the to-do list Jimmy: What are you on about? Janis: Your new girlfriend Janis: You wanna check before you commit like Jimmy: I don't have a girlfriend Jimmy: not that it's any of your business like Janis: Whatever, not like I was stalking you Janis: hard to miss, that's all Jimmy: What? Jimmy: That I was chatting to the only person our age except my ex Janis: Yeah Janis: Seems nice Jimmy: Wasn't gonna talk to you, was I? Jimmy: She is Jimmy: You'd know if you said anything to her Janis: Don't want your ex and next to be besties Janis: Not a good idea is it Jimmy: Doesn't matter it's not gonna happen Jimmy: I barely know her and I doubt I'll see her again Jimmy: Cass don't need me to chaperone her playdates as standard Janis: I'm very sorry for you Janis: Sure you can make it happen Jimmy: I'm sorry that you're jealous Jimmy: Maybe I could, if I wanted to Janis: Fuck off, I'm not Janis: Idk, ask her if she wants to fake date Jimmy: Why do you give so much of a fuck then? Jimmy: I don't want to, again none of your business but Janis: Making conversation Janis: Sure Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: We aren't mates Janis: Idk Janis: you can tell everyone I'm lonely and obsessed if you like Janis: just felt like it Janis: sorry Jimmy: fuck off Jimmy: why would I do that? Janis: 'Cos we're not mates Janis: why not? Jimmy: Why would I chat shit about you just cause you're my ex Jimmy: and who the hell to? Jimmy: I'm a dickhead, I'm not that dickhead Janis: Whoever you see fit, I don't care Janis: maybe the kid who's bright idea it was to tell you about my dead sister Jimmy: He wouldn't care either, he wasn't trying to chat shit Jimmy: He thought I already knew, since I was your boyfriend like Janis: Of what, all of 2 months Janis: not like we'd sat down and talked about our sad stories yet Janis: Oh well Jimmy: He didn't know we faked it before, I'm not going around with that as an opener Janis: Oh yeah Janis: forgot Janis: well its all on me then Janis: good to know Jimmy: Not like it matters now Janis: Not to you Janis: I'd gathered Jimmy: To nobody Jimmy: He only mentioned that he used to hang with her Jimmy: He's probably forgotten about it Janis: So you reckon Janis: Let's all forget it then Jimmy: Already done Janis: You're a cunt Janis: fuck you Jimmy: That'll be why you broke up with me then Janis: Not how I remember it Janis: selective memory saving your day again Jimmy: Who cares? Jimmy: It's still done Jimmy: how my day's going has nothing to do with you Janis: I do, you absolute moron Janis: Jesus Christ Jimmy: Frame it that I broke up with you then if that's what you need Jimmy: Not gonna change anything is it Janis: Apparently not Janis: Forget it Jimmy: How can I? Jimmy: You don't get to come into my inbox with this now Janis: and you don't get to ignore me forever Janis: i'm not going anywhere any time soon, deal with it Jimmy: I can't Jimmy: I have to ignore you, alright Jimmy: Sorry that I can't be your fake mate Janis: Why can't you be my actual mate then Janis: I'm that fucking bad, yeah? Janis: Cheers Jimmy: Cause I don't wanna be your friend Jimmy: I can't be around you like that Janis: I didn't dump you Jimmy: You didn't try very hard to stop me Jimmy: Whatever I'm not trying to blame you Jimmy: I'm just saying I can't Janis: I didn't know you were gonna say that Janis: it took me by surprise alright Janis: I'm sure I could've handled it better but fucking hell Janis: do we really have to do this? Jimmy: Not like I planned it myself Jimmy: I'm sorry Jimmy: I don't know what to do Janis: No you have to know Janis: Tell me how to fix this Jimmy: All I know is I wanted to kiss you every second we were stuck in laser tag Jimmy: but that won't fix anything Janis: Might Janis: Could've given it a shot Janis: Perhaps not at a 13th bday party Jimmy: I really fucking miss you Janis: I miss you too Janis: that's what I've been trying to say this whole damn time Jimmy: having to ignore you all this time is one of the hardest things I've ever done Jimmy: I near lost my mind yesterday Janis: At least you didn't spend yours giving an innocent girl evils, tryna start shit Janis: I was so angry you were over me already Jimmy: I'm not Jimmy: Couldn't even fake it Jimmy: I reckon Cass knew what she was doing Janis: Shoulda known, its within her wheelhouse Janis: Here's me thinking I was special, pfft Jimmy: you are Jimmy: you had the wrong sibling is all Janis: Gayyyyyy Janis: You're not fucking around? Jimmy: Don't be trying to get with your brother yet is what I'm saying Jimmy: Wanna be my girlfriend again then? Janis: Hold up Janis: you said you don't wanna be my mate even Janis: you gotta tell me you were just being moody Janis: why is this always such a headfuck Jimmy: I can't be your mate is what I meant Jimmy: Cause I want more Jimmy: I know I'm a headfuck Jimmy: but that's the truth like Janis: I am too so Janis: its alright Janis: Can we just Janis: At least TRY to say what we mean from now on? just a suggestion Jimmy: yeah Jimmy: I don't wanna lose you again through being a dickhead Janis: we both know it was me Janis: i've never talked about it, i don't do that Janis: know it ain't healthy, believe me, and the fam have tried but yeah Janis: its my bad for deflecting it and acting like any of it was on you but that's all i could think to do in the moment Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: I'm as guilty of keeping shit to myself Jimmy: Cass is constantly on at me to talk more Jimmy: I shouldn't have been trying to make you Janis: I dunno, maybe it'd be good to talk about it Janis: least you're not a fucking shrink Janis: or Grace, no offense Janis: but its, well, you know too Janis: we're both fucked, basically then Jimmy: You can try and talk to me Jimmy: Whenever you want and about whatever Jimmy: That's all I was trying to get at when I brought it up Janis: I can see it now Janis: when it happened, everyone just wanted the gossip, like it was no bigger than who kissed who at the disco or something Janis: and Grace thought they actually cared, poured her heart out Janis: I couldn't hack it Janis: It wasn't about you, that I think you're like that, it was knee-jerk, that's all Jimmy: That's shit. I'm sorry Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: Why we moved like, you know Jimmy: Get to be a man of mystery in a new town Janis: Yeah, that makes sense Janis: Did it help? Jimmy: Might've but Cass and Bobby don't know how to leave it there Jimmy: They're just kids Jimmy: All my dad achieved was taking Bob away from everything familiar and Cass from her mates Janis: Understandable, they didn't sign up for this Janis: Or you, really Janis: That's shitty, really Janis: Is your Mum dead, Jim? Jimmy: I dunno Jimmy: I can't answer that for you or myself Janis: But she's...gone? Janis: Sorry, I'm just trying to get it so I don't put my foot in it further down the line, like you said, the kids have said some stuff throwaway, stuff that doesn't sound just like a messy divorce even Jimmy: It's alright Jimmy: Like it's not, but it's not your fault that it isn't Jimmy: I don't know where she is, or if she's still anywhere Jimmy: That's why it's so pointless him bringing us here, she's not gonna pop up in some Irish pub like Jimmy: If she comes back it's gonna be there, distance from it is the last thing that'll help, that's what we had. Still have Janis: I can only imagine how hard that is Janis: Before Edie died, she went missing for about 8/9 months Janis: and we were just Janis: I think if it'd gone on any longer we'd have lost it Janis: not that her, or your Ma, turning up dead or whatever is ideal but Janis: at least its closure, yeah? Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: It's 4 more years of nothing before they'll say it Janis: Fuck Janis: That's Janis: well Janis: did she give any hint or did it just happen Janis: like can you even be angry with her, if you knew she'd planned to then you could but what if its not her fault Janis: that's such a headfuck I'm so sorry you all have to have that in your heads Jimmy: Cass is the age I was now Jimmy: I don't know how to feel about it. I want time to move faster, like you said for the closure, but I don't too Jimmy: It's not alright that they won't remember her properly Jimmy: That I can't even with the memories cause I don't know if they're real or if she was faking it herself all along Jimmy: She might never have been happy. She might not have wanted to go. I don't know Jimmy: All I can be is angry, for them if not me Janis: All you've got is second-guessing and what ifs Janis: that's fucking hard to live with Janis: seen it first hand Janis: not the same situations but Janis: shit Janis: I'm- do you wanna stop Janis: I don't want to make you talk and think about it all but no doubt you do regardless 'cos I know I do Jimmy: Maybe talking is better Jimmy: Not saying shit hasn't worked out well for us, has it? Jimmy: And my dad isn't thriving off it either Jimmy: I don't wanna be like him Janis: You're not, couldn't be if you tried Janis: Like, I get it now, why he is how he is, but you're gonna be judged by how you deal in a crisis, that's just facts Janis: and you can't do that to your own kids, man Janis: at least I didn't have nobody to hurt Janis: well, that's a lie but you know, its not like my Ma went off the rails, fuck the rest of us, you know? Jimmy: He never was this bad until everyone else stopped looking Jimmy: Then he got it into his head that she either didn't wanna be found or there was nothing but a body to find Jimmy: If he couldn't keep waiting he just wouldn't think about her at all. Or talk about her either. I dunno Janis: That's just what he needed to finish him off, more abandonment Janis: There's so many possibilities, too many, those are just 2 of Janis: Guess he wanted some certainty? But its just bullshit, and he knows it as much as you do Janis: Get the impulse but Janis: the kids Janis: you Janis: that's your mum Jimmy: Sometimes my head gets full of all these horrible ideas about him Jimmy: That he kicked her out. Or worse Jimmy: That it suits him to pretend she doesn't exist because he feels guilty for what he did. Or doesn't Janis: Fuck, Jim Janis: that's a heavy fucking thought to carry Janis: if it had been that, there'd have to be some indication, surely, that couldn't just come out of nowhere Jimmy: I've never said that out loud before Jimmy: Sorry Jimmy: I know it's mad but they used to argue loads Janis: I mean, it happens, and you're not mad for going there Janis: you've had years to ruminate without answers, I get it Janis: but, if there was a body, if that had happened, then you'd know by now, there's no getting away with it these days, right? Jimmy: I know Jimmy: But sometimes I wish that was how it happened 'cause if she's out there, living wherever with whoever why hasn't she reached out? Jimmy: No texts or letters. Birthday cards, christmas presents. Nothing Janis: Yeah Janis: At least explain yourself, you don't just get to leave Janis: nobody should but especially not a parent, like Jimmy: We weren't close but Cass was just a kid and Bob was practically a baby still Jimmy: Maybe they found a body but they don't know it's hers? Jimmy: I think about that too, the state she'd have to be in Janis: She still birthed you all, if nothing else, she owes you all that Janis: Of course you do Janis: What else are you going to do in this situation but search forever, wherever you can Jimmy: I've looked for her so many times Jimmy: I think I see her sometimes, that's really fucked Jimmy: But it's not like that when I'm with you Janis: Again, can only imagine Janis: Like, been there but once you remember they're dead then you know it can't be, so its less head-fucky Janis: I'm really happy that I can do that for you, even for a little while Janis: you deserve a break, just from your own head, you know that, right? Jimmy: I can't let myself think so cause the kids don't get one Jimmy: They dream about her every night Jimmy: When they sleep that is like Janis: They deserve one too Janis: I think you give them that Janis: I honestly do Janis: you can't make it all go away but they're a damn sight better off than if they didn't have you looking out for them Jimmy: You mean that? Janis: Absolutely Janis: I'd say it even if we were still being pricks to each other Janis: they wouldn't begrudge you taking time for you Janis: you'll be better for it, do a better big bro job, yeah? Jimmy: Can we go somewhere Jimmy: far as the budget will take us Janis: Yeah Janis: I don't care where Janis: as long as I can see you Jimmy: I'll throw a dart at the map Jimmy: Until then I can come see you Janis: Please do Janis: Just come straight to the barn, yeah? I'll be waiting Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: How many of your family am I gonna have to get past? Janis: Hopefully none if you do it right Janis: Use your ninja skillz Janis: Laser tag was good practice like Jimmy: Challenge accepted Jimmy: I'll think back to our win Jimmy: get it done Janis: Cass shamelessly picked an A team Janis: birthday girl prerogative tho, soz losers Jimmy: good job Jimmy: she's more of a sore loser than you Jimmy: You'd have never got to chat to me over the sounds of her sulking Janis: What a tragedy that woulda been Janis: nice to see your back on top form though boy Jimmy: Take the credit Jimmy: I'm leaving now Janis: Flashback giving me the fear there Janis: ready to shout at you dramatically as you drive away like Jimmy: Meant to say I'm on my way to you Jimmy: 💕 Janis: Good Janis: In a bit 🖤

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