#I'm so tired of my existence being seen as threatening | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rottenpumpkin13 · 9 months

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Went to a casino recently soooo

What do the Firsts do at the casino + cloud?

The Casino Trip From Hell

• A huge Shinra-funded casino opens up in the slums. Genesis, being the patron saint of hedonism he is, drags Sephiroth and Angeal along with him.

• Angeal isn't into the whole gambling scene, so he's more than apprehensive about being in that environment. Sephiroth thinks casino's are a gross display of greed, but he goes anyway.

• They arrive at the entrance and who do they see? Zack and Cloud, both bearing fake IDs and ridiculous fake mustaches. (They're 19 and 18 respectively but in Midgar you have to be 21).

• After Angeal rips them a new one, Genesis gets tired of waiting and convinces Angeal to just let the boys be boys and commit a little crime for once, as a treat.

• Angeal caves, but only because Zack is begging on his knees and people are staring.

• He appoints Sephiroth as the responsible adult in charge of babysitting Zack and Cloud.

• His logic is "What trouble could Sephiroth, Zack and Cloud get up to? Besides, I'm babysitting Genesis."

• He would come to regret that decision.

• Genesis drags Angeal over to the roulette tables declaring himself a master at gambling, having seen his parents dabble in it since he was a child.

• Meanwhile Zack is buzzing with excitement! After touring the casino with Cloud and Sephiroth, they finally settled down at the slot machines.

• Sephiroth is curious to know how the machines work, and after much deliberation (and being egged on by Zack and Cloud), decides to try it out for himself.

• Sephiroth hits the jackpot the first try.

• Back at the Roulette table, Angeal and Genesis run into none other than *drumroll* Rufus ShinRa.

• Genesis and Rufus make eye contact. Angeal's internal dialogue is a series of oh no's.

• They make some trash small talk before the game starts. Angeal orders a drink and decides to sit this one out.

• Back at the slot machines, Sephiroth somehow hits the jackpot again. Zack and Cloud are causing a ruckus and they whoop and cheer. A small crowd starts to form around Sephiroth, who's extremely confused.

• Back at the roulette table, they're about 20 minutes into it. Genesis is losing pathetically. Rufus is smug about it, stating that luck must me on his side if the undefeatable Genesis Rhapsodos is completely devoid of it.

• Genesis then declares that Rufus is cheating.

• This starts an argument, with Genesis demanding that Rufus forfeit, and questioning his morals "as a man."

• Angeal is drinking faster.

• Back at the slot machines, Sephiroth is on his fourth jackpot.

• Zack has never been more excited in his life. He's jumping up and down, declaring Sephiroth as the slot machine demons. Cloud is growing weary of the crowd watching them, especially the angry onlookers.

• Sephiroth is confused because "Is this not normal?"

Cloud: NOT IT'S NOT NORMAL. HOW THE HELL ARE YOU DOING THAT?

• Sephiroth proceeds to hit the jackpot for a fifth time.

Cloud: Sephiroth stop playing.

Sephiroth: But I'm winning?

Cloud: Yes but there's clearly something wrong with the machine and we're going to be arrested if you don't stop now.

Zack: Let him play! He's just lucky! Look, will it make you feel better if we switch machines?

• They move onto another machine. The crowd takes over the previous one like vultures, but no one hits the jackpot.

• Meanwhile Sephiroth hits the jackpot again on the new machine.

Cloud: ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Zack: M O N E Y

Sephiroth: ???????

• Back at the roulette table, Genesis and Rufus's argument has escalated into full blown trash talk.

Rufus: Oh I'm sorry, Commander, does my mere existence bruise your ego?

Genesis: Let me tell you what I'm gonna bruise, pal—

Angeal (drunk): Genesis please don't threaten our boss's son.

Rufus: No, no, it's fine, Commander Hewley. I'm unbothered by threats from a man who wears mascara.

Genesis: YOU'RE WEARING A FUCKING SKIRT.

• Back at the slot machine, Sephiroth has hit the jackpot for the 10th time. People are rioting around them and screaming for security.

• Zack is cussing out the indignant onlookers and defending Sephiroth. Cloud is begging Sephiroth to stop playing. Sephiroth casually hits the jackpot for the 11th time.

• Back at the roulette table, Genesis and Rufus are on the floor fist-fighting. Angeal isn't even making an effort to intervene. He's so tired, he's just cheering them on.

Angeal: YEAH, RUFUS PULL HIS HAIR. CALL HIM GENEVIEVE. HE HATES IT WHEN—OOH, RIGHT IN THE SPLEEN! GET HIS ASS, GENESIS! SIT ON HIM!

• Back at the slot machines, security has shown up. They think Sephiroth is cheating, therefore stealing. Cloud is desperately trying to reason with them, explaining that Sephiroth is just naturally lucky and would never dream of stealing anything.

• Meanwhile Zack is arguing with the crowd and Sephiroth, bored, turns around and hits the jackpot again.

• Back at the roulette table, security has shown up with Tseng to separate the two. Tseng demands to know what happened, and after Angeal explains the whole thing to him, he proceeds to go on a rant about how Genesis is an irresponsible, petulant man who shouldn't be allowed within 3 feet of other people.

• This angers a drunk Angeal, who then declares that "NO ONE TALKS ABOUT MY BEST FRIEND LIKE THAT" and punches Tseng in the face.

• Angeal and Tseng are now on the floor fighting.

• Back at the slot machines, the police show up and arrest Sephiroth, Zack and Cloud. Sephiroth is unbothered by this because he knows this is all a misunderstanding. Cloud is panicking, trying to tell the cops that he's not, in fact, the mastermind behind the whole operation, as Sephiroth jokingly declared.

• The cops are trying to catch Zack, who broke free from his restraints and is running around the slot machines screaming "YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE."

• Sephiroth, Angeal, Genesis, Zack and Cloud are all sitting in Director Lazard's office. Lazard is so angry, he's mute—red in the face with a vein popping on his forehead, but mute.

• One by one, Lazard fills the uncomfortable silence with angry thwacks of newspaper against the desk.

• Each newspaper has some variation of the same headlines.

• SHINRA VS RHAPSODOS: WHO WON?

• SEPHIROTH INVOLVED IN GAMBLING SCANDAL (STOLE THOUSANDS)

• WILD NIGHT OUT FOR SOLDIER'S 1ST CLASS TRIO.

Lazard: I have had it up to here with the five of you. What do you have to say for yourselves?

Angeal:

Genesis:

Zack:

Cloud:

Sephiroth: And I'll do it again.

Lazard: GET OUT!

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mommyclaws · 3 months

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look as a lesbian I don’t get why it’s so awful to just want lesbian spaces?? We as queer people all have different experiences and we can have smaller spaces while still embracing the whole community.

Lesbians go through different experiences than bi non-men do. That DOES NOT mean “we suffer more” or whatever because I hate the whole oppression olympics shit. We are not attracted to men neither sexually nor romantically, and that’s what makes us oppressed in this heteronormative world. We go through harassment, corrective rape, violence, and conversion “therapy” because we are homosexual. If my dad ever found out I was exclusively attracted to women I would get kicked out. Why is it suddenly so awful and “gatekeepy” to ask us to have our own spaces? We still have sapphic spaces! We even have bi spaces and pan spaces! Heck, I see gay non-women are allowed to have their own spaces!

It’s harmful to be treated as a monolith. I’m not attracted to men, and saying im an “exclusionist” for this is lesbophobic. I’m not evil for being exclusively attracted to non-men. I’m not evil for saying we should have our own spaces while we’d still have sapphic spaces!

Words have meanings, and the lesbian label is important to me, for all of its history and all of my struggles. I’m tired of us all being seen as “big mean lesbians who hate men” so so much. It reeks of misogyny to me.

I am heavily disappointed, and I ask everyone to please understand why bi lesbians are harmful.

I'm disappointed you've missed the point of my post. I was talking about the history of different lesbians and sapphics being excluded and hated in our community through generations. The conversation wasn't about bi lesbians specifically, it was about the butches, transfemmes, Pan/Bi, Aro/Ace, nonbinary, and countless other identities that were or ARE still considered not "valid" members of our community at point or another. I was pointing out how this "Bi Lesbian exclusion" is just a repeat of past mistakes and in the retrospective it is rooted in radfem/terf ideology that claims sapphics have to present and feel a certain way to be accepted. I didn’t say anywhere that being attracted to non-men is evil, I didn’t call anyone a “big mean lesbian”. You’re putting words into my mouth. That entire post was about defending sapphic’s right to attraction and expression.

Lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, non cis women and etc can all be oppressed, harassed, hate crimed, rejected by friends/family and other terrible things for their non heteronormative attraction.

Some people are failing to realize these exclusively “one identity spaces" they feel are being threatened don't actually exist in real life. Sure someone can have like, a "nonbinaries only" discord server or a meet up with friends who are all the the same identity. But a majority of queer spaces in real life? They don't have those rules because theres no way to separate queer identities neatly like that- There isn't a need to. You're going to find bisexuals and pansexuals and nonbinaries and trans people and all sorts of other identities at the same lesbian bar, the same sapphic support group, the same circle of friends.

So what exactly are these "spaces" that every other identity has and lesbians supposedly don't? Maybe ask why bisexuals, pansexuals, etc also being in a sapphic space feels so threatening to some in the first place? They have a right to be there as well. We are a community.

A label can be used and defined as whatever the owner of the label is comfortable with! "Lesbian" has always been an umbrella term. It can be a singular identity or it can describe any sapphic experience or it can do lots of things, labels have always been flexible in this way. Someone using the label differently than another person isn't harmful. It's expression.

#Not my intention to come off as argumentative! Just a discussion of different views.#I don’t mind discussing different perspectives and defending what I think in return #disclaimer: plz do not harass the asker if you disagree.#lgbt discourse #?? <- for anyone who doesn’t want to see this ig #asks #sa tw #homophobia tw #long post

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00ops1e · 10 months

Text

Sunshine for Everyone pt.2

Pricefield! Fluff!

Life is Strange - Max Caufield x Chloe Price

After saving Chloe at the expense of Arcadia Bay, our favorite girls are forced to flee their hometown. It soon becomes apparent that while they can run from the storm, running from their desires just isn't plausible.

click here for part one

“I swear I could sleep forever,” Max mutters, cuddling into the blanket further. The motel had proven to be a good idea, using someone else’s hot water and blankets was always nice. The pair were too tired to even notice the television only had four channels, or that the mattress was a little lumpy. Maybe things just weren’t so bad if they had each other.

“We can stay as long as you'd like,” Chloe trails off, “s’cheap enough anyways we deserve a vacation.” she babbles with eyes half closed, no longer sure of her words. The girls lay in bed, inches between. The last room available happened to be a single, and she had managed to haggle the price down, so fucking score again. When the man in the office mentioned the single bed, Chloe felt something flutter deep in her gut. It was a giddy, childlike feeling, but muddled with some sort of anxiety.

Max shifted in the bed, mind still racing, “Will you hold me?” She heard the words fall from her lips before they even registered in her brain. The question appears to catch both girls off guard. It hung in the air for a moment, Max began to babble, face growing red, “I- 'm sorry I really didn’t mean to… I just, I can't stop it's all too much. I don’t know what's w-wrong with me.”

Without hesitation, she pulls the smaller girl into her arms, as if rehearsed, as if Chloe had been waiting a lifetime. Instantly the tension evicts Max’s body. The sweet musk of her shampoo, perfume, whatever it was completely enveloped Chloe. Holding her tight just felt natural, like all was well with the world. Comforting others has never come easy for Chloe, always awkward, never knowing what to say or do. Not with Max though, she made everything easy. Existing with her felt like hearing an old song and singing along perfectly, yet recalling none of the lyrics. She traces small circles into Max’s back, the smaller girl somewhat buried in her chest.

“There is nothing wrong with you,” Chloe starts, angry at the world for putting her max through all of this, “y-you didn't ask for any of this. You shouldn't have seen even half the shit you did. Max, I swear to you if there was a way I could take it all away, I’d do it.” Max looks up at her, tears in those beautiful blue eyes threatening to spill. A pang of fear hits Chloe right in the gut. Did she say something wrong? Did Chloe cause those tears?

She begins to ramble, “Shit, I’m not saying I'm not glad I found you again, or that you shouldn’t have saved me or-or anything like that,” a sense of urgency laced her tone, god she was supposed to be helping not making it worse. “I just- I wish I could fix it, seriously Max. I am so so fucking happy you’re with me again. I don’t know, I guess, i-i just feel like it's all my fault” Her voice thickened towards the end, holding back a sob. ‘This is not about you Chloe,’ she thinks, reprimanding herself for being so selfish. But the guilt had been festering, gnawing at her organs like some feral dog with a bone. She was the reason the whole world had turned upside down.

“C-Chloe,” Max mumbled, sitting up to look at her properly. With shaky hands, she took the girl's face in her hands. Forcing Chloe to meet her eyes, hands lingering on her cheeks a bit too long before pushing the messy blue hair behind her ears. Her hands rest languidly on Chloe’s shoulders, reassuring her somehow. Max sat and contemplated her next words before answering, “None of this was you, okay? This is some freak-supernatural stuff okay? I do not blame you. Do you hear me? Please don't ever think that. I’d go through it all again if it meant I had you. Chloe, you're my best friend.”

It was like Max was able to reach inside and undo the knots in Chloe’s stomach. No one had ever done so with such ease, such grace. Not even Rachel, though that hurt to admit. Max just knew her, regardless of the years apart. Deep down, way below the rough punk girl exterior, Chloe was still the same little girl Max had grown up with. A soft smile inched its way to the surface, god how could she not smile looking at her? The way her hair fell, perfectly framed those soft doe eyes. Those fucking freckles and long lashes. The way Max would look up at her, eyelids heavy, how could anyone keep a straight face? Chloe hadn’t realized she was staring until she felt a soft squeeze on her shoulder.

“Thank you,” Chloe mustered up, embarrassment pricking at her cheeks. She shifted in place, yearning for closeness once more. These feelings, they can't be normal. Max’s words reverberate in her skull, ‘my best friend’ they stung a little. Those ten letters formed a lump in her throat, a pit in her chest. The words had some sort of mal effect on her, and she just couldn’t pinpoint the reason. Chloe once again chalked it up to just feeling weird about Arcadia.

The blank look in Chloe’s eyes prompts Max to speak. Whatever had her in such a trance could not possibly be kind. Max used a shaky hand to brush the girl’s cheek, “Do you think we could get some sleep now?” she proposed, pulling Chloe from the complexities that danced in her mind.

She nods silently and lays her head on the pillow, wriggling slightly to settle in. Max drapes an arm around her shoulders, pulling that mess of blue hair onto her chest. Upon feeling the weight on her chest, Max lets out a breath she didn’t realize she was holding. This was a comfort unknown to her, never before had she felt this light. An absentminded hand travels to Chloe’s hair, despite all the bleach and dye damn it was soft. With her fingers tangled in the blue locks, everything felt right in the world.

“Everything that happened was so terrible,” Max breathes, wanting to offer one final comfort before slumber claimed them both, “It was so terrible, we’re not okay. But we’re gonna be. We can work through it Price, we’re a team and-and we can heal together. I’ll help you, we don't have to face things alone.” max consoled, her voice wavering ever so slightly.

“It's you and me against the world Caufield, now and forever,” Chloe assured, tightening her grip on the smaller girl, as if afraid she’d get snatched away, “seriously max, what would I do without you?” she let out a small chuckle before closing her eyes and passing out, still entangled with her best friend.

I have yet to begin writing the rest of this (call of duty brainrot is taking over my life) but i promise my google doc has many many ideas. stay tuned ig? lots of love, liz

#life is strange #lis 1 #lis #life is strange fanfiction #chloe price #max caulfield #chloe x max #max x chloe #pricefield #rachel amber #kate marsh #friends to lovers #sapphic #syd matters #obstacles

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hirazuki · 1 year

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Sauron 🔥🔥

Haha, oh dear XD I hope an essay is what you were looking for!

I feel like most of my opinions on Sauron are unpopular in varying degrees with one part of the fandom or another lol, but let's go with one that, until very recently, I legit thought was pretty universally accepted as canon-established fact (but is, apparently, unpopular):

Sauron's relationship with Melkor -- regardless of how one prefers to interpret the exact nature of that relationship in the course of their fandom-ing -- is not abusive! :D

There is much about Sauron that we don't know, especially his early days, but one of the very few things Tolkien is explicit on is that Sauron's service to Melkor was due to awe and respect, and was the culmination and product of what remained of his "good" nature as a Maia; and not out of fear.

It was the apparent will and power of Melkor to effect his designs quickly and masterfully that had first attracted Sauron to him. (Morgoth's Ring, p. 396)

Sauron did not seek his own supremacy, but worked and schemed for another, desiring the triumph of Melkor, whom in the beginning he had adored. (Morgoth's Ring, p. 420)

I'm too tired right now to look up every instance across, like, four different books, but the words that keep being repeated with regards to how Sauron views Melkor are admiration, desire, adoration, etc. and linking it to his lingering goodness.

I suppose you can read the "in the beginning he had adored" part as Sauron losing his love for Melkor due to Melkor's treatment of him, but, really, there is absolutely no evidence towards that. Given the passage the line is in and that Tolkien is discussing the motives of his villains, I read it more as Sauron's adoration fading from its initial intensity due to his distance from Melkor after the First Age and due to his increasing focus on himself and the ordering of Middle Earth in the Second Age; and once the one ring comes into play, Sauron's mind is pretty much consumed by that obsession.

On the other hand, the only times I can think of where the opposite is implied are: 1. Luthien threatening him that he'll tremble in scorn before Melkor (Silmarillion, p. 206); and "for the bonds that Morgoth had laid upon him were very strong." (Silmarillion, p. 342). Both of which can be considered to be outside perspectives -- Luthien, obviously, knows nothing about their relationship, and assuming that Melkor's cruelty would be inflicted upon his servant for failure is reasonable from her POV; and that second line is in a passage that carries an overall tone of "some hold so-and-so to be true," so not as seemingly omniscient as other parts of the Silm come across as. Also "bonds" is fairly vague; I don't think it's a stretch to consider that as either simply something that exists between any Vala and their Maiar -- they are beholden in some way to their service -- or even just the bonds of loyalty and adoration that Sauron developed towards Melkor.

Obviously, I don't think their relationship was all sunshine and sparkles; no relationship of any kind is. And it's true that the more favored you are, the farther you have to fall personal experience ✌️ I do think this is a fear that Sauron legitimately could have had -- one can conceive all sorts of reasons, from seeing how Melkor treats his other servants to residual feelings Sauron experienced in his days with Aule, but that goes way into headcanon territory and I'm trying to stay away from that here -- hence why Luthien playing on it was so effective. But -- and I haven't read every text available; yet! -- nowhere that I have seen so far does the text ever use words like fear, loathing, etc. the way it does when describing how, say, Orcs feel towards Melkor, to describe Sauron's relationship with him. Those words were available to Tolkien; if he had wanted to use them, he would have!

I've also seen people cite Sauron's absence after the incident at Tol-in-Guarhoth as evidence that he is terrified of Melkor and Melkor was abusive to him, hence he avoided him. Sure; you can take his absence in the text literally, and consider him MIA until he resurfaces in Eonwe's camp at the end of the War of Wrath. That's a valid interpretation, and you can choose to ascribe that absence to Sauron's fear of Melkor. But, again, there is no instance in which Melkor so much as punishes him, and also there's this bit:

In all the deeds of Melkor the Morgoth upon Arda, in his vast works and in the deceits of his cunning, Sauron had a part, and was only less evil than his master in that for long he served another and not himself. (Silmarillion, p. 24) [emphasis mine]

So, yes, Sauron isn't mentioned by name in any events subsequent to Huan tearing his throat out; but also, you can absolutely interpret him as having gone back and continued under Melkor until the end of the War since the text clearly states that he had a hand in every single deed. That is also a valid interpretation! Tolkien's omission on the matter can be taken either way.

And since I've been absurdly long-winded already (here's a cookie if you're still with me! 🍪), let's just make this even longer and look at the other side of the relationship :D

Angband was a fortress and armory that was created "to resist any assault that might come from Aman" (i.e., first and arguably most important line of defense) and it was left to Sauron to command. (Silmarillion, p. 44)

Melkor thought that the coming of Men to Beleriand was significant enough an occurrence to warrant his personal attention on the field, "leaving to Sauron the command of the War." (Silmarillion, p. 164)

Sauron was "the greatest and most trusted" of Melkor's servants. (Silmarillion, p. 341)

Concerning the making of Orcs, "The details of the accomplishment of this wickedness were, however, left mainly to the subtleties of Sauron." (Morgoth's Ring, p. 420)

Sauron repaired Angband in secret "for the help of his Master when he returned." (Morgoth's Ring, p. 421)

Also, Sauron's only thought upon beholding Luthien -- and the text makes special note that the fame of Luthien's unparalleled beauty and song had long been known to him -- is to capture her to give to Melkor (Silmarillion, p. 205). Leaving aside the details of why Melkor would want her (I can't remember if this is mostly-canon or if it's my own headcanon-extrapolated-from-canon, and I'm too lazy to look it up), what's important here is that he is literally the only character who is not taken with her or doesn't act upon some kind of desire towards her. No thoughts, head empty, only Melkor.

As we all know -- and struggle with and/or revel in, depending on the day -- there are a great many inconsistencies and differing versions of almost everything among Tolkien's writings; which only serves to highlight the exceptions! This -- the little we know of Sauron's relationship with Melkor -- is one of the exceptions, where literally everything I've come across suggests a relationship that is surprising in its... benevolence? almost, especially given how each party tends to treat others. It's rare for a villainous superior/trusted second-in-command relationship to not incorporate some type of plotting, backstabbing, seeking to overthrow, etc., or some kind of lashing out on the part of the more powerful party towards their subordinate. And especially set in Tolkien's world, which is very much a mythology constructed of opposing forces such as Good and Evil, it's unexpected! A complete oddity, contrary to what stories such as this would lead us to expect -- and all the more compelling for it! And, for the life of me, I can't understand why anyone would insist it is toxic and abusive instead -- such a take is terribly reductive and does huge disservice to the crafting of both characters involved.

To be clear, idc what people do in their fanfics, fanart, etc. It's your enjoyment, your headcanons, it's free real estate, go wild! No one can stop you! My issue is that I've recently seen an increasing amount of insistence that reading it as abusive is the canon interpretation and, no? And I do have to wonder how much a certain final episode of a certain show has to do with that, because "a great, clenched fist had released its grasp on my neck" is just. nowhere near how Tolkien characterizes this relationship and I mourn the fact that, given the far-reaching, multi-million dollar production that it is, this will be the "official" read of this relationship for a great deal of the general public.

(And, if you've made it to the end, here: 🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪🍪 all the cookies!)

#whew omg sorry for going OFF lmao #and thank you for sending this in and enabling me to rant!#i've been holding this in since like. october XDDD #mairon #sauron #silmarillion #tolkien #silm #silm musings

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paperstarwriters · 8 months

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ive come kneeling at your doorstep to beg for that essay on murio and luciels parallels you mentioned 👀💦👉👈

i love loathing lucio so much so it would deal my lil hater ass so much psychic damage and i cannot wait to get rekt

(onlyifyouwanttothoofcoursetakeyourtime)(just making sure youre aware id print that shit n frame it above my bed were it to come to existence)

Hello @tetsuooooooooooo! I know you said I can take my time, ok I'm still really really sorry this took awhile, I've been kinda burnt out from classes lately, and writing a bunch of essays for that lol, but I've managed to make a somewhat coherent argument for my case here lol.

Now, to preface this:

I only really like Lucio as a character to thematically dissect and kick around occasionally for giggles. I am a far, far cry from a Lucio stan, I just find him interesting—like a bug. Honestly I don't think I'm gonna convince you he's in any way a good guy I just might make you loathe him more 😅

I haven't played Lucio's route. I'm too busy and I get too annoyed with some of his antics + the options of reactions that MC is allowed to make. I've only played the side stories and a lot of my understanding of his character is built from Muriel's route (and I know he's much more different in his own route than he is in the others') as well as hearsay from other people talking about Lucio

I know I said that I'd include Aurora's songs in my original statement but that got wayyyyyyy too messy so I'm just opting to exclude them lol. (not to mention youtube is doing a very irritatingly strange thing of deleting and then reuploading Aurora's songs??? so I don't wanna deal with the messy files :/)

With that out of the way here is my essay :)

Wordcount: 2,908

──────── ✎ ────────

Muriel and Lucio are both very, very caught up in how they are seen by others. While it's clearer when it comes to Lucio, it is also made clear in Muriel by the fact that Social anxiety is often caused by stress over how a person is perceived and their mental belief that they are helpless to change that perception. This causes of their self perception are also quite similar, due to their similar histories, but in the same way that there are some notable opposites between them with their struggle for their identity there is also some notable differences in their histories that arguably causes the slight difference in their struggle for their self image.

To begin with their history, Muriel and Lucio are noted to both come from the South. They come from two opposing tribes, and are both eventually chased out of their home and community by 1) a cruel person who arguably causes their struggle of identity and 2) the plague. Of course, the major difference here is that Lucio actively made decisions that would lead to him being chased out of his tribe, he was arguably aware that if it failed he'd have to leave, he just hadn't considered that it would actually fail.

Muriel on the other hand is chased out of his home at a much younger age, and he has no choice in his eviction from his home or his family. There is no action that Muriel could have done that would have allowed him to stay where he was, unlike Lucio who had a clear option that would have allowed him to stay.

Or at least would have allowed him to stay until he grew tired of his mother's attitude towards him.

I don't believe that Morga's cruel and dismissive attitude towards Lucio started when he tried to kill her, rather, I believe that she has been doing that for a long, long time. She often states that she had been "too soft" on Lucio, but I think her "softness" is the same kind we see in Muriel's route. She berates him, she threatens him, she tells him how awful and unskilled he is to everyone else and makes a show of his failures, but when she is completely and fully enraged and is about to hit Lucio, she hesitates.

Is that softness? To her perhaps. To the tribe, perhaps. But not to me, and not to Lucio.

So, despite all of the harsh words thrown his way, he decides to take action to prove her wrong. I'm willing to bet that a lot of Morga's criticisms were about how strong he was and how he was in fact not actually as strong as he could have been, not as strong as he should have been. That's why when he takes action to prove Morga wrong, he immediately snaps to killing her. There is, after all, no better way than showing your power than killing your opponent (we see this belief in Morga when she spars against Muriel and he beats her.) Of course, in hand-to-hand combat, and on fair terms, Lucio can't actually defeat his mother, so he takes to more under-handed methods in order to beat her.

When this fails, it is the first major wound on his self-image. He cannot defeat his mother. He is not strong enough to defeat his mother despite cheating.

So, he runs away.

Besides marking a wound on his self-image, this also marks Lucio's connection to others. Having been exiled from his tribe, he is disconnected from the friends who may have actually supported him somewhat, he is robbed of his connections and separated from anyone who may have actually loved and cared for him (platonically and/or romantically)

Similarly, Muriel's separation from his own family, and his eventual abandonment into the streets of Vesuvia separates him from any stable sense of love and affection as well. Because he was separated from loving parents as a child and was likely surrounded by a number of children who were abandoned because they were unwanted, or because their parents were unable to care for them, Muriel has no other answer than what the other kids give him it is the only answer he has. Further more I believe that Muriel was probably abandoned by that merchant because they were unable to keep feeding him, which he also attaches onto his real parents as to why he was abandoned in the first place.

And so Muriel believes himself to be unloved and unlovable after being separated from family, or any semblance of a family.

Returning to Lucio, he moves on from his tribe and eventually joins a military group(? I think? Idk. I'm sure there was a specific name for it but I can't remember sorry) Once again, this is an act of trying to prove to his mother and to his community that they were wrong, and when compared to the ordinary person outside of their tribe, he's actually a really good and capable fighter. Of course, however, this is inevitably cut short as he looses his arm, and is once again confronted with the fact that he is unskilled as a warrior and so he retreats from his perceived deficiency and takes a different route to getting the love and admiration he wants—politics.

Of course, as we see in Muriel and Asra's childhood tale, this inevitably puts him into direct conflict as, in order to climb the social ladder he offers to "clean up" the streets. While it's largely left up to interpretation as to whether or not the Threat of Asra's safety came first or Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, I can't help but believe that Muriel's position as a gladiator came first, as otherwise, he might've gone out and tried to check on Asra's safety. (though this is mostly a headcannon) I believe that Lucio offered Muriel a chance to have some say in who gets "cleaned up" from the streets, and for Muriel to be able to get rid of the "actually bad criminals". Regardless of whether or not this is true, the arena gives Muriel his first taste of admiration, as people cheer for and adore him, but it also tears that sense of admiration away as he eventually has to come to terms with what he is doing. Whether that sense of dread and awareness was always there or it occurred somewhere in the middle is also unknown but the outcome is the same regardless. Being known and being admired becomes tied to hurting and harming people—because it is the only trait he sees that other people admire, he sees it as his only lovable trait.

And so Lucio and Muriel begin to reflect each other—and I don't mean reflect as in they show the same image, I mean reflect as in we see a similar image, but the image is reversed (*wink wink nudge nudge*). Here Muriel sees himself as only capable of being loved for his ability to commit violence, and Lucio sees himself as being incapable of being loved because he cannot complete the amount of violence he needs to commit.

Now, I feel the need to emphasize here, despite having many people around him who Lucio may truly believe love and admire him, the people around him very likely don't actually care for him very much because they either do not know him well, or they see him as little more than a pawn in a plan, or at least someone who gives them benefits. And even if there are a number of people with genuine admiration for Lucio, it still wouldn't be enough. Admiration is never enough when you lack genuine emotional connections with others, and Lucio, clearly does.

Again, this parallels Muriel who also struggles with a lack of genuine emotional connections to others. Although he has Asra with him, it's clear that, Asra's tendency to be fickle with connections has extended to him as well, especially when Asra spends more time with MC than him, leaving Muriel feeling abandoned and alone. Considering that Asra is the only person we ever really see Muriel connect or talk to, it's no stretch to say that Asra is one of Muriel's only friends, if not their only friend period, and so with Asra disappearing on him as often as they do, Muriel is left feeling that he actually has no connections at all.

Of course once again reflecting each other, where Muriel clearly sees he lacks connections and pretends he does not, Lucio, makes unsteady transactional rather than emotional relationships and pretends that that is enough.

It is of course, not enough, because if it were, he wouldn't have treated Muriel like that, he likely wouldn't have plucked Muriel out at all. Although this is largely speculation, I believe that Lucio treated Muriel the way he did because he feels as if Muriel is the very child Morga would have wanted. He is big and strong, and although not technically skilled if Muriel were raised by Morga like Lucio was, he might've been. This is why his first reaction to seeing Muriel and Morga working together is that Muriel is Morga's replacement son. It's because that's how Lucio had been treating him. Muriel is Lucio's little avatar to live out the glory of being a fantastically skilled fighter who can beat up all of his opponents. This is also, why I believe that Lucio purposefully trained Muriel to be less skilled in fighting than he was. In Muriel's route, Lucio comments that he's always been able to beat Muriel, and while I do in fact believe that Lucio is actually a skilled fighter, despite how he is often presented and despite my arguments above—he's most often a skilled fighter in the technical sense. He knows all the movements, he knows all the strategies, he knows all the underhanded tricks. By not fighting Muriel too often, and refusing to teach him these tricks however much it may be able to help Muriel out in the arena, it allows Lucio to be able to defeat him whenever he wants to. It allows Lucio to make it seem to himself that he is better than the person his mother would have wanted as a son, which I believe to be both horrible but also sad, for both Lucio and Muriel.

With Lucio, it shows how desperate and inferior he feels with his fighting skills, constantly trying to compensate for it something we can also see that in the portrait of himself he has in his room.

For Muriel, it keeps him scared, and keeps him pinned in place despite having realized the consequences of his fighting. Something which only furthers his self-hatred when he realizes he actually could have easily left.

So yes, Muriel and Lucio are both very self conscious people, and while for Muriel his self consciousness stems from people seeing him as a monster, and him believing that he is one although he does not want to be one, Lucio is self-conscious in the fact that he is not seen as the brutal fighting warrior he was supposed to be.

These reflected aspects of each other, alongside of their self consciousness is the very thing they struggle through in their routes, the very thing that MC helps them to get through.

Lucio believes that through various paintings of himself that rearranges his past (paintings of himself as a triumphant fighter, while his mother is demure and elegant), various unfair/practically staged fights, and celebrations of himself on top of it all, he would be able to convince people that he is awesome and amazing and that he deserves to be loved. In doing all of this however, Lucio runs away from confronting the beliefs at his core and wondering if perhaps, what he understood as traits that make a person great may be incorrect—that his mother had not just been incorrect on the fact that he was a failure, but on the fact of what makes a person successful or powerful. By constantly covering up what he sees as deficits, Lucio skims over his own internal struggles entirely which makes him look foolish and annoying as he ignores what's so clearly there for others.

Meanwhile, for Muriel, he is aware of his deficits, and is unable to properly hide them without disappearing completely himself, he tries to figure out and fix all of his problems through introspection and isolation, but it is not something he can do on his own. Muriel of course, can't accept the fact that he may need help. He can't accept the fact that despite what he believes of himself, other people may actually care for him the same way he cares for them, and will actually offer help. And so, as he runs away from people and community, from friends, and possible friends alike, Muriel runs away from his own problems as well, even if he tortures himself with confronting them (I can't remember if he actually does this or if this is a fanfic trope 😅) Essentially, by constantly trying to deal with his struggles on his own, he neglects his connections to others who may help him, or at least offer support.

And then MC comes along, and because they both desperately needed that deep connection to someone else, regardless of whether it is something platonic or romantic. MC is able to leverage their relationship in order to further propel Muriel and Lucio's development into acknowledging the thing they refuse to acknowledge, and finally balance out their coping mechanisms, which, on their own isn't actually unhealthy (Lucio's really good at connecting with others; Muriel knows how to confront his inner turmoil) using that single method as their crutch for their traumas only ever hurts them more.

As Muriel progresses through his route, he grows more connected with his community and people. One meaningful moment that I don't think they give enough screen time in the game is the moment that Muriel is forced to confront people recognizing and seeing him again. He's forced to confront everyone's perception of him, their memory of him and he retreats into the mirror maze where he stares at all these reflections of himself, all reversed images of himself, but he believes them all to accurately represent himself—as if his superficial physical image is what represents himself mentally and emotionally. And then MC (and Morga 🙄) come through to him and pull him out of that panic attack (or interrupt and yank him away from properly addressing the problem in Morga's case 😤) And that's the first step to being loved. As they say, in order to let yourself be loved you have to let yourself be known, and in that first step, choosing to step forward and prioritize the lives of others over his own self image, Muriel begins to be admired by others. Genuinely admired, for traits that he likes in himself rather than traits that he hates.

Similarly for Lucio, (although I haven't played his route so this is largely based on hearsay) he's faced with problems that he Has to face on his own (or at least somewhat on his own) the main one being that he has to confront the consequences of his own actions, he has to acknowledge to himself that he isn't perfect and that he can't be perfect. It's why at the end of his route on the upright ending, he leaves Vesuvia, to take on a life of (semi)solitude to further take some time to improve his ability at introspection, while in the Reversed ending he's still talking with people, still trying to manipulate their perceptions of him (and the MC), and still trying to be a "good boy" (ie. perfect) for the MC.

Now, it may be argued that Julian can/should be included in this struggle of how others perceive him but I raise you this; that guy is the most dramatic ass dude in town and his biggest dramatic act was telling everyone about how horrible he is. He clearly has no issues with how other people see him, but he has problems with how he sees himself, which again, reflects Muriel a bit, but I'm sure most people are familiar with their (more blatant) similarities by now lol

So yea.

Muriel and Lucio are reflections of each other. At their core, they both struggle with the same problem of caring way too much about how they're seen by others, but they cope with (and thus worsen) the problem in opposite ways, so when they take steps to heal themself, they also go in opposite directions, with Lucio needing to take some time to himself to get into his own head, while Muriel needs some time away from himself to get out of his own head.

Essentially they're heading in opposite directions to reach the same conclusion: other people's opinions don't matter as much as your own opinion of yourself and the opinions of the people close to you.

Interesting parallels, no?

Of course, I believe this could've been better illustrated if Nyx Hydra didn't rush the last three routes, but alas, this is what fan fiction and fan-analysis is for lol

Anyways I don't tend to poke around the Lucio side of the fandom too much to begin with so if this has all been said and argued before forgive me for the repetition, and If I've gotten some points wrong, please feel free to correct me! I've mentioned before I haven't really played through Lucio's route so some things may be wrong.

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martianbugsbunny · 7 months

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Let's talk about Loki! Under the cut for the sake of those who have not yet seen Episode 2.

OKay so to start with, overall this episode of Loki was a pleasant surprise. Loki himself got to be serious and powerful and I enjoyed that. He's finally had a chance to shine in his own series. The way he played with magic, especially with the shadows at the beginning, was absolutely stunning, and I'm glad we're finally diving into his magical abilities more. He had just the right amount of menace in his interactions with Brad, and the way he was softer and rather understanding when Mobius flipped out was a wonderful counterbalance. So far I'm liking this version of Loki where he's threatening to his opponents but genuinely caring towards his people, and I think whoever was in charge of writing him in this episode did an excellent job reinjecting some nuance and some authority into his character.

Mobius was a little weird at certain points; he's been an analyst for like a bajillion years or something so I think in-character he should've been able to handle reading the guidebook, but honestly he had a decent showing too. Using him as the levity...it's not a horrible decision if it's not going to become a recurring theme, because I don't want him to get dumbed-down, which he's not so far; his deducing that there was set-up was quite clever and I didn't see it coming. It worked in this episode partially because he was also doing some smart stuff, but also because it was offset by the bits of temper and vulnerability he displayed, which were both very well done in my opinion. It actually added another dimension to his character that I really like, and I think addressing that he's more afraid of "what if the life I was supposed to have is good?" than if it was bad is an interesting take, especially considering he seems to be in the camp of "it may be the life I was supposed to have, but it's not my life," because it's good for the show to be exploring those different avenues for the TVA workers, and because it makes Mobius a more unique person himself. I'm also kind of enjoying his little ruthless streak, ngl.

I like the dynamic Mobius and Loki have together right now. Them eating pie together and talking about Mobius's feelings was a lovely scene, and probably one of the most authentic we're going to see out of the entire season if I had to guess. They're working together very nicely; Mobius sort of letting Loki go off his leash with the magic at the beginning was neat, and I just adore the way their less-heroic tendencies are playing off of each other (such as in the Brad-in-the-box scene). I think that makes sense for them, and I'm not looking for these guys to be heroes of pristine reputation, or even heroes at all, just guys who are trying to hold what little they have left together, so it's really hitting the spot for what I expect of their personalities melding together.

(Also, I'm now pronouncing Casey and Ouroboros a ship, although I doubt I'm the first one. The idea of OB being a celebrity to this one guy, and only this one guy, is pure gold.)

I will say, there's still a little much of the MCU-brand hokeyness in the show for my taste. There doesn't need to be something to laugh at every couple of minutes (not that I'm really laughing, because I'm tired of that style of writing by this point). The story can stand on its own without the forced comedy, and if it can't, then the comedy is only going to annoy people further. This is kind of serious stuff, and although I'm not against having some lighter moments or some comedic relief, I could live with Loki actually taking itself more seriously. But, like I said, this episode did feel more genuine to me, so it's not all jokes and quipping.

I'm still not a fan of Sylvie. Her existence annoys me because the female-Loki premise is obnoxious, and she feels so much like every other female character out there she doesn't really have the personal qualities to redeem the premise. Also, I find Loki's obsession with her strange, as she's mostly only been a total bitch to him and clearly wants nothing to do with him. (Which in itself is weird; her acting all butthurt at him in this episode like he was the one who pushed her through a time-door or something was like...what the heck? If somebody can explain that to me, please do, because I feel like I've either missed or forgotten something that would make it make sense.) I find her "normal life" as an 80s McDonald's employee strange, also, because that's...that's not the kind of normal she would envision. Her "normal" should be something regular on Asgard, because she's not a human dreaming of a normal life, she's an Asgardian dreaming of a normal life, although I do understand that according to the rules of the game there's probably not an Asgard where a Loki is welcome...yet Lokis are shapeshifters, so she could sneak in one anyway. That's probably a little nitpicky, I can recognize that.

So, yeah. There we go. This episode of Loki actually raised my expectations for the rest of the season, which is a nice surprise for me. I didn't think I would enjoy any part of this show so much, because the first season really didn't have a moment like this where I went huh. this is pretty good. I hope this episode being so good isn't an anomaly, because I was a huge fan of Loki in Thor, Avengers, Dark World, Infinity War, and I want to be a fan of him again in this show. If the writing stays this good (or gets even better, perchance?) I may end up considering myself a convert.

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traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors · 7 months

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TW: low self-esteem, self-harming/self-punishing ED, anorexia, loneliness. between therapists. seeking reassurance. i’d like to label this with a pseudonym so i can recognize it and add onto it if needed, but i can’t think of anything. thank you for your work.

i have a restrictive eating disorder. the central driving force is the desire to hurt myself, to make myself sick, to make myself vulnerable. i fantasize about weight loss because it’s such a dramatic, tangible sign of sickness. in that sense, my eating disorder is aimed at losing weight, but i don’t think it’s anorexia, because my weight doesn’t have a dramatic influence on my self-esteem.

but… if it’s not anorexia… there’s only ONE diagnosis for EVERY OTHER POSSIBLE RESTRICTIVE EATING DISORDER. i don’t relate to the way people talk about anorexia, but i relate even less to the way people talk about ARFID. people only ever seem to talk about completely avoidant presentations. it’s as if non-anorexic restrictive eating disorders just… don’t exist.

i can’t be the only person suffering like this, but it seems like nobody else even thinks it’s worth considering. i feel so alone. i feel like i’m just broken. all of this makes me want to get sicker, cuz it feels like whatever’s wrong with me now just isn’t enough. nobody seems to care. nobody seems to take my kind of sickness seriously. i’m just so tired of feeling so lonely and worthless. i want to feel like i’m not alone, like what i’m going through matters. i want to feel like i’m worth something.

Hi anon,

I'm so sorry about what you've been going through. Struggling with an eating disorder is incredibly challenging and potentially life threatening, and to not be sure what kind of eating disorder you're dealing with can certainly make things harder. Please know that it takes a lot of strength to attempt to discuss what you're going through, and also know that you're not alone, you're not broken, and you are seen.

It sounds like you're self aware in the sense that you can identify that your ED stems from a feeling of masochism or self-harm. It can be incredibly useful to understand these things as you move forward in looking for treatment, because I think that sometimes certain treatments could address the ED specifically without addressing the underlying causes, when addressing those underlying causes could potentially be more effective.

Admittedly I'm not that educated on eating disorders but just because you may not be struggling with anorexia necessarily doesn't mean it's ARFID. There are also diagnoses such as bulimia and EDNOS that you could discuss with a professional. Here is a list of alternative ED diagnoses.

I know you briefly mentioned being "between therapists" so I just wanted to mention that seeking out the guidance of a mental health professional like a therapist can feel intimidating, but know that seeking that help is a great first step. Please remember to be as kind and gentle with yourself as you can.

I hope I could help and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

#mod bun #trauma talks #tw self harm #tw sh

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phanfictioncatalogue · 7 months

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(TW) Heavy Angst With A Happy Ending Masterlist

before/after (ao3) - katesofheaven

Summary: Dan and Phil have a dying daughter and they deal with it in different ways, both before and after she goes.

Butterfly (ao3) - A_Million_Regrets

Summary: Phil Lester, a lonely writer, finds a dying boy with beautiful black wings on a cold, rainy night in a dingy alleyway. He recognizes the boy as one of the winged men hated by human society. They are considered to be wild, ferocious beasts, but Phil's sympathy forces him to help the boy.

What happens when the boy, considered to be a wild beast, gets too attached and follows him home with an innocent, dimpled smile?

Can We Just Pretend (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: After being seen cuddling with a childhood friend, Phil thinks Dan is cheating.

Change Will Come (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: Dan’s a depressed university student. Phil’s just a cute coffee shop barista who writes notes on Dan’s hot chocolates.

Choking on My Thoughts of You (ao3) - Anonymous

Summary: The first time Phil coughed up a petal, he thought he was seeing things. He blinked, staring at its perfect edges, almost as if to will it out of existence. There was no way something so small and perfect could have come from his lungs. That couldn’t be possible. Yet there it sat, perfect and white as can be, cupped in his hands.

Phil loved Dan so much it was killing him.

dollhouse (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: dan's parents are fighting, again.

Expectations (ao3) - my_happy_little_bean

Summary: They expect you do well. They expect you to succeed. That's everyone's expectations.

You, however, have different expectations from different people.

And you're tired of them.

helplessly helpless: I’m alive, can you hear me? (ao3) - MANIAvinyl

Summary: Dan’s been in a relatively good place. He’s kept his head screwed on tight recently. So because the worst of the storm has passed he feels like it’s on him to help the world to de-stigmatize talking about mental health. When he mentions this to Phil, though, it’s finally revealed how much the last few years have impacted his best friend, too.

Really, I just wanted to explore Phil’s side of the story regarding Daniel and Depression. Because mental health doesn’t just affect the individual; it also affects those close to them, in ways we can’t imagine until we’re the ones on the other side.

hippo milk is actually pink (ao3) - deletable_bird

Summary: In Which Dan Is Drunk, Phil Is Also Drunk, They Hook Up, And Things Just Kind Of Go From There

Maybe I miss you (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: Phil leaves Dan for several months to temporarily live in New York City and work on a movie set.

The distance between them drove them both insane, but neither of them could voice the reason why.

When Dan comes to visit Phil in New York his feelings are threatened to spill after an encounter with one of Phil's new friends, but he keeps lying- to both Phil and himself.

Hopefully he can eventually tell the truth, because Phil gets another long-term job opportunity in California and Dan can't take any more distance.

Maybe It'll Last This Time (But I'm Gonna' Love You) (ao3) - orphan_account

Summary: “Because, if you could love someone, and keep loving them, without being loved back . . . then that love had to be real. It hurt too much to be anything else.” -- Kill Me Softly, Sarah Cross

You love him, but it's a little complicated.

Missing (ao3) - Misha_with_wings

Summary: "So we have a new update on the serial killer running loose around London-" Dan turns the tv off, he didn't want to hear anymore. He just wanted Phil back home, safe and sound.

Seized (ao3) - rainbowchristy

Summary: It started out as a fun day at the park but it ended in terror. Phil takes his little Dan to the park and while Phil is not looking, Dan suddenly gets kidnapped. What will happen to Dan? Will Phil ever see his boyfriend again? Did Phil have something to do with it?

To Love You (ao3) - A_Million_Regrets

Summary: Dan is a rent boy, a male prostitute, a cheap whore, another slut for hire . . . He's heard many more derogatory terms used against him in pointless arguments, regardless of whether it be with friends, family or a random stranger in a dingy pub. He's ashamed of who he's become, but he never says it out loud. He hides things, things like his shame, his pain, and the fact that he's helplessly in love with his bestfriend, Phil Lester.

Unrequited (ao3) - thiccennugget

Summary: Phil doesn't believe in soulmates. Dan's been searching for his for years.

Wonders Never Cease (ao3) - Yiffandquiff (paradisobound)

Summary: Dan and Phil were one of the 'it' couples at their high school until one day, Phil blindsides Dan with a break up. Hurting and seeking comfort, Dan befriends Tyler who helps him get through the first tough few months of the break up, mending his shattered heart. But Dan doesn't want to move on. He wants to be with Phil and maybe, just maybe, in the end, he'll still get to be.

#phanfictioncatalogue #phanfiction #phan #phanfic #masterlists #heavyangst #angst #angst masterlist #angstwithahappyending masterlist #tw

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garthcelyn · 8 months

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Writeblr Battle Royale - Cooper and Erin

Took part in the @writeblrbattleroyale event by @your-absent-father!

This round, my favorite punching bag Cooper, going against's @the-arigen's Erin.

Naturally, a trigger warning for death, as is customary on this blog.

Nothing. Cooper awoke surrounded by sheer nothing once more. No sky, nor land, just the sterile white of nothing. Her heart pounded in her chest - she still had one of those, at least - hammering against its ivory cage in an irregular thud stop thud thud thud stop that had plagued her since her first real death. But no God met her now. If she had slept, if she had died, she did not remember. She supposed it didn't matter - it would come soon enough. She felt her side for her sword, gripping its hilt and pulling it from its sheath. It wasn't the familiar blade she carried, the one that had killed her the last time. No magic thrummed though its core, but it made no difference. That magic had never - could never - save her.

"What is this?" she snarled, coating fear with anger. That was a safe emotion. "What's going on?" She growled, as if she hadn't had the situation explained to her already.

She squared her shoulders, facing off against her opponent - who she was very sure was not any of her Gods - defensive and wary.

"Who are you?" she asked, voice low as she tried to appear more threatening than the very tired brick of a woman she was, "do you have anything to do with this?"

Erin’s check was complete. No gear, her connection to Aileen attenuated to almost nothing, access to her focus as normal, magic operating at full strength, and the spells she’d designed into her skull operating well enough to tell her that this was not, in fact, an illusion.

“Except insofar as I have been dragged in here with you, no.” She looked around, finding the empty void much more strange than any of the disjointed vistas she’d seen in Faerie. “I’m not entirely sure where this is, exactly, which is… worrying. Are you a super?”

"A what?" asked Cooper, "No, I'm - I'm just Cooper. Alek Cooper. Marwaid, I guess - the Gods hate me."

Her words came out like a babble. She was not prepared for real conversation - that had never happened before. Always being talked at and never to.

"I'm not dead, am I? Like, again. I'm not dead again. You aren't… fuck - you aren't Omera or something messing with me?"

"Given my complete lack of knowledge on who Omera is, I'm going to suppose we're from very different places. I can't speak much for Gods- never much been a fan, though the Godslayers take it perhaps too far. As far as I can tell, neither of us are dead." Erin looked around, remembering the voice she had heard while going reviewing their location, and winced. "Yet, at least. Though I don't know the enforcement mechanism."

"Somehow, that makes me feel worse about this." Cooper relaxed somewhat, despite this. "So! A fight to the death. That seems normal enough, unless there's a trick somewhere."

Erin watched the other woman carefully, then shook her head slightly. "If you'll give me a moment to cast, I can see if that's something I can get us out of. I swear on my magic, nothing that would do harm to you."

Despite herself, Cooper nodded, stepping back in order to give her space. She knew magic, and knew how dangerous it was - as least back in her world. Her eyes glowed a soft blue, sensing what was to come, her only magical ability absolutely useless in the situation.

"I'll trust you, for now." she said, as if she had a choice.

Erin flicked her hand, summoning the electronic tablet she used as a focus to it and rapidly selecting options on it, then flipped it over, placed her hand on the back, and pushed a tiny fragment of magic into it, activating the ritual within.

All around her, the lines and nodes of magic blinked into existence, bits of knowledge about their purpose and direction flowing into her mind as fast as she could process it. "For... Damn. I hate curse magic. Hate it so much. Such a stupid tool. Fools and maniacs, the lot of them."

"I'll take your word for it." Cooper had never cared about magic, and she wasn't about to start now. Dying be damned. "I suppose this means we have to fight?"

She readied her blade one more, curious more than anything. This was different to fighting at the temple, from fighting someone she would have called a friend, or fighting a God - though, technically she didn't fight a God, just bit one in a hell similar to this one. She couldn't consider that last one a win, she was already dead.

"Y'know, I'm getting real sick of things like this."

Erin gave her a lopsided smile, watching for a sign of actual hostility and not finding one. Part of her wanted to treat the situation with the gravity it deserved, but it was more than overcome by too-similar situations she'd been in before. "It happens all too quickly, doesn't it? I can see you've got your own experience with curses. I'm a subject of this greater working, and it's defended from me, but yours..."

"Mine is frankly the worst family heirloom," she said, letting out a dry laugh. "All it took was one ancestor I never knew about to mess with the local witch, and here we are. Undying, mostly."

She almost shuddered thinking about how she became when this first started, lying broken in the woods filled with carrion grubs. Maggots. She hated them, but had yet to have another encounter.

"I don't know how exactly it works, if it's magic or God stuff or both, I just know that I'm stuck."

Erin paused, looking over it to make sure she was reading it right. "Well, there's some God stuff in there. It links to something I can't see, but it doesn't look functional. It looks like someone smacked you with all the worst features of the vampire curse and left most of the good threads hanging. Cursewrights are quite awful like that. It... I can't take it off you. But I might be able to reconnect some of those strings."

"What, to make me powerful or something? That doesn't seem like it would benefit you in this situation." Cooper swallowed, before regretfully adding, "I've killed enough without it. Would you risk that?"

"Powerful? No. But some idiot screwed with the healing. I might be able to make the next time you die..." Erin thought for a moment. There wasn't much that would make dying a pleasant experience. "Not quite so terrible."

"I think I'd rather you didn't. If I'm dumb enough to die again, that's on me." Cooper rolled her shoulders. "Besides, this has been in my bloodline for four centuries, do you really think you can tweak something that ingrained?"

Erin shook her head. "I understand. Notably, for you in the future... except in cases like the Oracle, a single successor selected by appropriateness, generations typically loosen the grip of magic, not tighten it. As of now, though, are we to fight?"

"You say that like we have a choice." Cooper smiled, jagged canines glistening in the white light. "For what it's worth, you seem alright."

At the comment, Erin's face fell. "I'm sorry to give you that impression, nice to hear though it is. And I suppose we don't."

Erin released the magic on her back, letting her wings, five meters across and iridescent, fade into reality behind her. "I do apologize, but I will be trying to win. I don't know how long it will take to get back, or if an opportunity to end it will appear in the future."

Cooper stared, not quite in awe, not quite in fear, but something she couldn't yet describe. Dread. "Oh."

She swallowed and steeled herself, readying her blade once more. "Don't worry, I won't hold back. I do not want to die again."

"Good luck." Erin gauged the distance between them. Without a Light-boosting ritual in place, it was going to be much harder than usual to do any appreciable damage at all. Not that it was impossible.

She opened with two beams of light, firing from her left hand while navigating the screens of her focus with her right, trying to get to the spell that would summon a weapon before Cooper had made up the distance between them.

Cooper winced, dodging awkwardly, then ran. She was not especially fast by any means, not like the rest of her ilk, but she hoped it was enough. She had relied too much on her war dog, Idris, for most of her combat, but he was not here now. Neither was her squadron. Internally she cursed whatever force brought her here, and pulled back her arm to ready a swing as she made her way across the arena.

The other woman's normal running was slow enough to keep the beams fairly steady on her body, beginning to burn skin they were held on even as Erin managed to summon a weapon in the air above her head. Tossing her focus to the side to let it disappear, Erin grabbed the weapon and prepared to receive the charge. Cooper's weapon didn't look magical, but she still watched it carefully, wary of being tricked.

Cooper didn't let magic deter her; she closed the distance with gritted teeth and swung. The lack of her typical dog aided height was jarring, but her aim was true.

Erin blocked the blow as close to the base of the sword as she could manage, stopping it before it managed to cut into her skin. The other woman's extra near-foot of height worked against her, but the strength enhancements were just enough to keep it from being overwhelming.

From so close, the burning of the beams intensified, starting to actually melt flesh as Erin kept the focus narrowed onto Cooper's stomach.

Fighting through the pain, she let out a low growl before pushing against the blade before retreating back a few steps. She felt at her front with a shaking hand, before grunting and lunging forward once more. Relying on strength, she swung her sword in a wide arc, back and forth, hoping to parry or at hit the blade with enough force it would be jarring.

Noticing Cooper's change in strategy when it clipped her arm, Erin leaped back, relying on her wings to extend the distance while she kept the beams focused. As soon as she landed, barely avoiding stumbling back, she added the two beams from her wings. It wasn't the cheapest way she had to fight, but caught without any of her magic items and with a non-magical opponent, it was the best she could manage. Still, that miniscule bit of flight cost more than the light. "Dangerous, that. Helps that you're so much taller than me."

"If one of us has to die, I'm not leaving it up to chance." Cooper already felt gross from the little battle she had fought. Her shirt stuck to her skin and her face resembled more of a waterfall. She squared herself in case of impact, staring up. "You gonna come back down or what?"

Erin stared. It was possible for her to fight from up close, but it would largely be giving up all of her advantages... She shook her head, dropping the beams and dagger to summon her focus, flipping through the options to summon a spear, instead. "I suppose that would be fair."

Erin advanced carefully, on guard against a sudden rush in case the other woman suddenly decided to change her mind. In her head, she started preparing one of her more complex disabling spells- she knew enough about melee combat to not die in it, but it was hardly something she considered herself good at.

Cooper began to walk in a wide circle, slowly and with purpose, like a sheepdog to it's flock. She twirled her sword in her palm, before gripping it tightly once more. Being a show off was in her blood, wound nearly as tight as her curse. Live or die, she knew how to make a spectacle, she knew how to draw out fights to her benefit. With her free hand, she wiped the sweat from her brow, baring her teeth in a grimace.

Her eyes darted quickly, looking for openings. To attack, to flee, the feint. Finally, after making a wide semi-circle, she closed in. She darted forward, sword held low behind her, almost dragging across the ground. Then, suddenly, she brought her sword arm up into a wide, diagonal arc, ending with a block in front of her face and chest, backing away once more.

Being on the attack was uncomfortable for Erin, a position she'd gone to great lengths not to be in recently. Striking out at Cooper was about finding the balance: far enough away that she couldn't get on the inside of the guard, close enough that she had control over the weapon and a single missed strike wouldn't mean losing it.

The spell finished in her head, she just needed an opportunity to release it. She couldn't guarantee it would end the fight if she did, but unless Cooper had some sort of resistance to it, it was the strongest, though short-lived, non-lethal measure she wouldn't have to invent on the spot.

Cooper was very aware that she was toying, and that she should probably stop. Knowing this, she gave another two quick swipes, and backed away once more, pushing her luck, pressing forward to see what exactly would happen.

It was a game she played out of curiosity, the same kind as a child ripping the wings off of flies. Cutting forward, swiping, staying just out of reach. She began circling once more, eyeing for any real weaknesses so she wasn't just jabbing at random. It was not how she was taught, but it was how she survived.

Erin could see in the way Cooper was fighting that she was looking for weaknesses, now. Trying to find a way to deal with her specifically instead of just using natural advantages like before. She found herself conflicted for a moment: she knew that Cooper had to get in close, but she wouldn't do so unless she saw a weakness.

And feigning additional weaknesses was something she'd never quite bothered to learn. Erin decided to risk it. All she needed to do was make physical contact. She activated the enchantments on her back, sending the wings away once more, and started advancing, trying to keep her opponent at the end of the spear as much as possible to obscure her actual goal.

Cooper let out a yelp of a laugh, side stepping out of the way and swinging without real purpose. Testing. This was more of the fight she wanted, familiar territory. She held her blade out straight ahead, as much of a taunt as it was to keep some distance. It wasn't enough to rival a spear, but enough to make her feel decently safe.

"You going to hit me?" she grinned, having the time of her undeath.

"It's a bit difficult. I'm accustomed to the defensive, at this point, and it's hard to break that paradigm." Erin moved forward, trying to spin the sword out of the way with her spear before stabbing at Cooper's shoulder.

Cooper stepped back with a wince. "Okay, that was a free shot."

She retaliated with a harsh hack towards the haft of the spear, putting her strength behind it.

Seeing her chance, Erin released the spear entirely, letting Cooper's swing knock it to the floor with no resistance while she dashed into the momentarily off-balance guard and reached in, grabbing Cooper's sword arm around the wrist and finally releasing her spell.

Cooper didn't have the time to look confused. As soon as the hand touched her wrist, she felt as if she was melting from the inside. She fell to the ground in a thud, the breath being knocked from her lungs. Try as she might, she couldn't force her legs - leg - to move, much less to get a grip on the ground below. She was gelatinous, unable to move in anyway that mattered. Jaw slackened, arms folded in an awkward position beneath her that would surely mess her up later. She almost wished for death over this. At least then she wouldn't be awake for it. It was embarrassing. Luckily, no folk from home could see how she had been taken down so quickly in the end. If she could, she would have buried her face in the dirt and simply end it once more, but alas, nothing ever went the way she wanted.

Erin released the arm. The spell would still be in place for ten seconds, so she had a moment to pull her focus out again, finding the spell she wanted. One that would knock Cooper out entirely and could be channeled through a weapon.

She found it quickly, then stood over Cooper's limp form within eyesight. "I know you can hear this, so... I hope next time you come back to life, things go better for you."

She stabbed down just enough that the spear entered Cooper's skin, knocking the other woman out, then bent down, tracing the still-visible lines of her curse with her eyes and now her fingers, just over the skin. It was a complex curse, one of a type that she hadn't seen before, but she could see many similarities to vampirism- though, the low form of a ghoul instead of the true completion.

It helped that she had that particular curse loaded into her focus. A line shifted here, one or two added there, and a new node attached to the healing... everything she knew about magic told her that the next time Cooper woke up, it would be less damaged than this time. And would continue down that path. It was the least she could do.

Erin grabbed the spear from where she'd dropped it, then lined it up with Cooper's heart. "I hope you would forgive me."

She stabbed down, into both of their hearts.

#writeblr battle royale #char: alek cooper

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heathenkweer · 1 year

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its kind of pathetic that you made up a self insert mary-sue to ship with luis when hes the gayest character in resi4. you made him bi so you could put him with your female oc and you spam the tag with your fanfic posts, its annoying

*slow blink*

Luis being with a woman doesn't somehow cancel out his queerness or his attraction to men, or make him straight. (Also, I find that a lot of the things fandom points to as "proof" that he's gay are... kind of just how some men in European countries act, even when they're straight? I don't feel comfortable describing his characteristics as inherently gay or not, as a white chick from America, where a dude is seen as gay if he washes the dirt from underneath his nails more than twice a year.)

Anywho, the existence of my little fic doesn't threaten the existence of Luis/male character fics. There are still plenty there. I'm just over here doing my own little thing. If you're tired of seeing me, then block me. Curate your online space to make yourself happy. ✌️

#I debated answering this at all but wev #I had time today #luis serra #luis serra navarro #also I no longer subscribe to the belief in Mary Sues #let the women be all-powerful. Kill the part of you that cringes at the thought

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mymarifae · 1 year

Note

1,10, 34, 16,17 and 40

I'm so so sorry if that's too much I just really like hearing you talk/reading your stuff

it's not too much at all omg!! feel free to ask all the questions you'd like ^^ 💗

1. What got you into project sekai?

my friend jewel :) he got into it like... around global release, i think. and had been posting about it and drawing art and i was like "i'm interested" but never got around to downloading it until one night after a sudden ER trip. because that sucked and i wanted game on my phone as a reward

10. What's a feature (or several) you want?

i'd kind of like a mode where you can practice specific parts of songs... i don't think this is necessarily practical or realistic but i still want it. playing through all of a song when the part i need practice on is like at the very end sucks so bad. also i want to be able to use stamps on the loading screen for co-op shows

... that's all i can think of agjdbfjd

16 done!

17. First 3* you pulled?

well idk what the actual first 3* i ever pulled was because i restarted both my en and jp accounts but

these 2 <3

already did 34!

40. A hot take?

cracks knuckles

kanada tenma is a bad headcanon and i need people to drop it

harumichi does not belong in the shitty parents squad with mafuyu's mom and shinei. hell i'd argue that shinei doesn't necessarily belong there either but i really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really really do not like shinei so i'm not going to defend him. like agkdjgbf prsk fans are so bad at handling nuance like yes harumichi abused toya - but toya has chosen to forgive him and wants him in his life. despite it all he loves his dad and he knows that his dad loves him too. and this is a relationship he wants to keep and that's OKAY!!!! harumichi has seen the error of his ways and is making an effort to be a better, more accepting, open-minded father. parent-child relationships get fucking COMPLICATED and harumichi and toya's is a really realistic, really nicely written example of that complexity. i see a lot of myself and my mom in them - it's nice to have that represented. but it sucks to see the fandom just like refuse to understand it 😐

95% of the "siblings" headcanons in this fandom feel like a way to preserve mlm ships and make them seem like the only viable option. like you guys are taking every girl in the boys' lives and going "they're siblings!!!!!" so the only "reasonable" thing left to ship is akitoya and ruikasa. like i Swear To God people only get so so so defensive and forceful with headcanoning akito and an, akito and kohane, rui and nene, rui and emu, and emu and tsukasa as siblings because they feel threatened by the fact that these duos do have realistic, healthy romantic chemistry and they need to reinterpret it as something else lest their yaoi ship be tarnished. idk. the damage yaoi brain has done to our society is fascinating

on that note. from an objective standpoint. emurui and ruinene and emukasa have more canonical chemistry than ruikasa does it's just everyone gravitates to that because it's BoyxBoy. there i said it.

emu parallels mafuyu more than tsukasa ever will people just project emu's problems onto tsukasa because they'd rather think about a boy

an exists beyond liking kohane a lot like she has other friends and personality traits. and she's the farthest thing from a "mean lesbian" she's one of the sweetest characters in the game. she and akito are not wlw/mlm hostility. i'm tired of that joke being toted around because people are taking it as canon and they don't bother to understand their friendship as it actually is

ena is not a bad sister. if you're going to say that you have to say akito is a bad brother. like go on. do it. say it 😐 yeah no one wants to say That. "but she scratches him that makes her abusive" 1. not anymore 2. i don't think you have siblings. sometimes siblings fight and hurt each other it's not... god i hate it here. "she yells at him" he yells at her that's how siblings are sometimes. especially in Difficult Households. "she's mean to him" he's mean to her too bitch 😭 look back at what i just said. and while they're jerks to each other SOMETIMES they make a point to take care of each other and go out of their way to do nice things and they actively spend time together (if akito really did not want to go to cafes and the mall with her, he wouldn't go. he's bigger than her. she can't pick him up and drag him there. he whines about it but he does like to spend time with her. and she doesn't have to ask him either like. like. i think only children need to not speak on the dynamics of ena and akito's relationship.)

wxs has the worst music in the game. both covers and commissions wise. i'm so serious i'm tired of people saying that it's amazing just because they like the characters like come on stop lying to me and yourself. it's okay to say emu and tsukasa's vocal direction is FUCKED

the best music in the game is either more more jump or leo/need

mizuki isn't your agender neutral androgynous nonbinary icon. she's explicitly transfem. she's a trans girl.

#i could go on forever with the hot takes but that's enough i think. <3 #anyway seriously don't apologize for asking lots of questions i love to talk about prsk!! thank you 💕#mailbox

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excaliburssword · 2 years

Text

Hot take on ships (part 2 ig 😩)

Yeah, so I decided to make a part two 😃

! OBVIOUSLY SPOILERS, PLEASE DON'T BE STUPID LIKE ME AND CONTINUE READING IF YOU HAVEN'T FINISHED THE S.G.E. SERIES !

Keian

It's a full on ten from me. I might even go above and beyond and break the scale on this one.

Some might disagree, (even though I've seen A LOT of supremacy for these two), but I wouldn't give up the chance to see Soman write a novella about the Arbed boys before everything went down, mainly just to see these guys in action (alongside Japaric ofc).

Their dynamic was so cute together! Obviously minus that one scene in ACOT when Rhian indirectly threatened him, but Kei kinda deserved it for "betraying" him ig.

11/10

2. Hedros (...)

This is obviously just crack, but it's still kinda funny.

I remember someone had asked for my opinion on this, but idk if they were being sarcastic or generally serious 😶

If it was satire, then ig this could be ridiculously hilarious, but could work at the same time.

They literally came around themselves in the last book and became besties, so why not?

I obvi don't ship it, but it is something I would bawl my eyes reading if it worked 😭

2/10

3. Revelyn

Can I just say... that I ship literally no one on the ends of the earth with this bi$h other than her grave?

She was a literal r@pist (in a way) and actually had the audacity to think she deserved to have someone to look after her 💀

Miss girl.... NO.

I think her tombstone makes an excellent partner...so it's okay....

BUT-

She did make one hell of an excellent villain. If Sophie didn't exist to drive Rafal all delusional like he was, these two would've made everyone bow at their feet with no regrets.

Not to mention Japeth and Rhian being there with them 😩

8/10 (ONLY IF EVELYN WASN'T THE SKUNK SHE WAS, BC THEN IT WOULD BE LOWER THAN 0).

4. Tilip (idk is that their ship name?)

If Agatha didn't exist, then they would've been pretty cute together.

But at the same time, they give off the energy of "we're better off as friends."

Idk, it's somewhere in the middle of 5/10 and 6/10 for me.

5. Chaddrix

Eh, they were both the wannabes in their year (sorry Chaddick), so they seriously deserve each other.

Plus, imagine them having kids. God half of them would be whining about their hair and the other half would just be interested in sword play the whole time 😭

5/10

6. Saric

Idk where I saw this...but something inside of me STIRRED that day when I did.

Listen, ik Aric is a complete psycho and he is DEFINITELY where he belongs, but these two would've erupted the whole @ss universe if they were together-

Like do you guys remember those times when Aric was literally FLIRTING WITH HER in the third book? (I'm not romanticising toxicity, because we all know damn well it was all just another play of his).

They would've been great best friends tbh, and idk what the hell is wrong with me, but I rate it a 8/10 📸

7. Jophie

Ik I said that Saric was toxic, but this ship is just straight up abusive.

Japeth LITERALLY assaulted Sophie more than three times in a single book (A crystal of time/ ACOT) and basically excused it by saying "it all was for his one true love."

Like....what?

You literally had her under your full control almost a quarter through OTK??

Now I'm not saying Saric is a magnificent ship that deserves to be seen, because it doesn't, and is basically just crack given the fact Aric is a literal walking red flag, but Japeth is just a whole other story-

0/10

This took me a whole hour (and idk why, cause I'm not even tired), but that brings me to the end of Part 2!

I'm probably not going to do a part 3, (unless I remember another ship I forgot), but again, probably not 😃🕺

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aces-to-apples · 1 year

Note

Damn I’m disappointed you’re falling in the camp of going from threatening an abuse victim with a lawyer and telling them to shut up, I had hoped with stance on other fandom harassment you would empathize.

............hey remember when I first got into Star Wars fandom and ended up following and being pseudo-friends with goddamn clonehub of all the fucking people and participated in a fucking smear campaign against several other artists for such "crimes" as "drawing icky art that made me, personally, uncomfortable"? Can you even imagine how fucking embarrassing that is to recall as a actual adult rn?? I literally want to tear my skin off sometimes remembering that I was absolutely certain that my personal discomfort and fucking ignorance was more important than other peoples' right to just fucking exist and vibe in their corner of fandom and I think we should all take a minute to contemplate how much more of a goddamn nightmare my loud obnoxious ass would be if I'd actually ended up full-on puriteen..... Fucking harrowing, isn't it?

And you know what? Maybe I'll end up having backed the wrong metaphorical horse this time as well and find out that I once again am running in the same circles and happily interacting with yet another goddamn bully. Shit's fucking embarrassing, if nothing else, lemme tell you. (God remember that bitchy little "ah shucks weren't you and clonehub friends once?? What happened???" anon ask a while back? Talk about harrowing lmao.)

But I've been running in the same circles as Jer for years, I'm friends with several people who've been Friends-friends with her for years and even decades who vouch for her, and I've witnessed several hate and harassment campaigns run against her already. And I don't know any of these people crawling out of the woodwork to start shit so idk. I'm going with my gut here. Maybe it'll work out like shit again. Or maybe I'll dodge the bullet this time and not participate in a vindictive smear campaign against people who make the "wrong art" or whatever the fuck.

And like.

Hey, Anonymous Goddamn Citizen, you ever considered that I'm fucking tired? That I'm tired to my goddamn bones of how every reactionary bitch on this planet with an internet connection can and will just make heinous shit up about random fucking people that they don't like and convince enough people to jump on the dogpile to the point where the truth doesn't even matter anymore?? Do you how many times I've witnessed this in the last three years alone??? I'm fucking tired man! I'm tired!!

So like. Idk. Maybe fuck your snotty ham-fisted attempt at a guilt-trip? And fuck your manipulative, performative bullshit "disappointment" with Internet Rando #7014?? Maybe even fuck you personally???

I mean, I don't know you, because if I did then you wouldn't be on anon, you'd be in my DMs actually trying to talk to me instead of, in all likelihood, hunting through Flamethrower's posts and copy-pasting this shit into the inbox of everyone who reblogs her posts or whatever. Like that's usually how I see this shit go. And believe me, I have seen this shit go. If we were friends, and therefore someone whose opinion I care about, you wouldn't be hiding behind an anonymous function, taking advantage of the observable fact that I am fundamentally incapable of not having both an opinion and the last word.

Yet here you are.

And here I am, answering the bait, as is my custom. But hey, I extra super deluxe mega promise that if I end up on the wrong side of history here, I'll do the whole YouTuber Apology song and dance and you'll get to smugly say I fuckin told you so. I'm sure that'll make you very happy.

'Til then, just as an unnecessary bit of extra snotty pedantry to sign off: I'm actually hypoempathetic, so feel free to hold your breath waiting for me to empathize with literally anything. Funnily enough, I'm actually trying not to let my personal knee-jerk reactions dictate my sense of morality and ethics these days. Just as a fun change from Anti-Lite Apples of 2017-2019ish??

#if i'm wrong then i'm wrong and i'm sure i'll feel very embarrassed #fortunately i'm literally nobody and nothing and not a goddamn person is basing THEIR opinions on whatever dumb shit I say #anon asks #answered asks #by apples #fandom slapfight #fandom harassment #gee apples how come you're more inclined to believe people that you know and like instead of these randos you've never even seen before???#golly i don't know that's a tough one why AREN'T i just tossing over a years-old relationship #with someone who has been targeted over and over by hate and harassment campaigns run by insufferable gremlins #for actual goddamn years in favor of literal strangers whose word means absolutely nothing to me?? that's a doozy.#maybe you better grab an abacus and sit down to do THAT math idk #long post

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pinkiepiebones · 2 years

Note

Do you have any fun little stories or anything with Copia and the band ghouls?

Not sure if you wanted a Special answer or a fic so I'm going to be lazy and just revisit when I met Ifrit and Aether and Tobias

Basically I was just incredibly lucky to see Ghost for the very first time when they were touring with Iron Maiden. It was July 2017 and I didn't know the behind the mask names. I barely knew the stage names. And I knew I loved the band.

We've all heard of my encounter with Papa III so I'm skipping it.

Close to the end of Iron Maiden's set my brother and I went out to where I had pointed out a couple of buses parked behind the venue when we'd arrived. My brother was insistent that the band was either already on the buses or would not sign things even if there was only ten of us outside waiting.

Billy Vanilla showed up and was super cordial with all of us and regaled us with stories about the tour and about Tobias ("Henry Rollins-level smart") and implicated himself as a possible vampire (I just think blurting out "I'm over four hundred years old" is a big sign of vampirism). Billy also went onto one of the buses and came back with a handful of spare picks; my brother didn't care to get one so I got two :3

Ifrit was the first guy who came out, at the time I had no idea who he was but he happily signed everyone's "spirit board" (VIP merch on that tour included the Ghost branded legally distinct from Ouija spirit boards).

I forget how much time passed but it was certainly after midnight and my brother was threatening to leave me there while he went back to the hotel (he didn't lol). Then I looked to the right and up the sidewalk came a group of maybe half a dozen people, led by a man in a white Misfits shirt and the skinniest skinny jeans I had ever seen. He looked up from talking to a kid with an iPad (one of his kids? I remember the kid had long blond hair) and it felt like he looked right at me. I started punching my brother's arm going "it's him it's him it's HIM IT'S PAPA IT'S HIM." It was the eyes, man.

Some of the people went onto the bus but Tobias stopped and said to us "I have to put my bag up, but I will be back out shortly" or something to that effect. I don't remember everything exactly here just because I was so tired but also so hype. But Tobias did come back out, as did Chris, both armed with Sharpies, and like three guard-looking guys came out I think and Billy gave us all the "no photos, no selfies, no videos, please be cool" speech, which like, of course man, I made a show of turning my phone completely off lol

Tobias and Chris went down the line of us, talking to everyone one-on-one and signing things. When Tobias got to me, the first thing he said was "I really do like your shirt!" See, earlier in the day, Papa III had complimented it... I just, I love that he felt the need to either clarify that Papa was being sincere, or that both his character and himself liked the shirt. I told him I had an extra and I'd bring it for him next time I saw the band, and he, like, looked genuinely surprised? And he said "wow, really? Thank you, that's so kind of you." Then he signed my spirit board and I think he thanked me for the little letter I had handed over pre Meet and Greet and that's when I just wordvomited all over him about how this was my first concert in a decade and my physical and mental health were big hurdles but Ghost showing hp so close to him was like some kinda sign and I ended with "so thank you for existing." And he took it like a champ, responding simply "oh, you're very welcome" and then asked what I thought of the show. And I was like, when am I going to be in this situation again? So I kissed ass. I said "Honestly, it didn't feel like Ghost was the opener, you guys were the main show and Iron Maiden was your closing act" and I swear to christ this man GIGGLED and put his hand over his mouth like an anime and said "shit, don't let them hear you say that!" but then thanked me for the review lmao

So tobias moved on to my brother and Chris moved on to me and Chris as chris signed my board he said "you're the one who gave us the cat card? It was brilliant!" (I had written a note to the band inside an old Halloween greeting card that had black cats and pumpkins on it). I told him "yeah and the cat stickers inside are for everyone, don't let Papa hoard them" and Chris whirled around to shout to the guard guys "NO ONE TOLD ME THERE STICKERS" in like a silly fake anger thing. Then we talked about being cat parents. He whipped out his phone to show me his lock screen and said "that's my Rosie, I have two more weeks before I see her again" and I told him about my Loki and I think he was anticipating me showing him a picture but I was nervous to take out my phone ;-;

So yeah. I have a spirit board signed by Ifrit, Aether, and Papa III.

And yes, Tobias got the shirt.

Never seen a photo of him in it but I have the thank you note to prove it.

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silvermuffins · 2 years

Text

Seward Summary!

I have very little ability to exist coherently today I'm sorry this is late it's an important one. GOD okay several hours later we start for real.

WARNINGS: violence, restraints, alcohol, major character death

Hennessey writes to Seward (and us) about Renfield! Who broke out again, but the matter was resolved without significant consequences.

A delivery cart went to the abandoned house next door, where Renfield has gone on his previous escapes. The delivery men were foreign and asked for directions.

Upon spotting them, Renfield began to yell and scream that they were robbing and murdering him. He also insulted and threatened them.

The delivery man initially argued back, but Hennessey signaled him to ignore Renfield. Seeing that the place was an asylum, the delivery man decided not to mind.

Once the man got his directions and went on his way, Hennessey checked on Renfield to see if he could find out what that was all about.

Renfield was calm and composed, and acted as though he knew nothing of the whole thing. It was an act, though, and he broke out through the window.

Hennessey and the attendants caught up to Renfield as he was attacking the delivery men, who couldn't defend well as they were tired from delivering several large boxes.

They stopped Renfield from killing someone, and had to fight to subdue and restrain him. He was shouting, "I'll frustrate them! They shan't rob me! they shan't murder me by inches! I'll fight for my Lord and Master!"

They eventually got him back to the asylum and contained, with only one noted injury that was properly seen to.

The delivery men were understandably angry and threatened legal action, but were also somewhat embarrassed by how easily Renfield was able to defeat them. They said this was because of how tired, and also very very thirsty they were, due to moving the boxes. And also complained of how far from any public entertainment they were.

Hennessey took their meaning. He gave them some money and quite a bit of alcohol to drink. Soon they were making light of it all.

He got their names anyway, just in case, and promises to send word if anything else of interest happens.

NOW ON TO SEWARD.

He is miserable and habit alone is driving him to keep diary tonight. People are dying left and right. Notably, Arthur's father, whose death I cannot recall being mentioned prior.

Seward took the watch and Van Helsing was able to coax Arthur off to the drawing room to get some rest.

Lucy is doing poorly, and the room is thoroughly garlicky. Seward again notes her teeth looking long and sharp, especially the canines.

He hears something, and sees a bat wheeling and occasionally battering against the window, like a moth to a flame.

Lucy tore her garlic wreath off in her sleep. Seward replaces it, and when she wakes is able to feed her a little. She is no longer struggling so hard for life, but he notes she clutches the garlic wreath close.

She sleeps and wakes several times, so Seward notes a pattern: while asleep, her breathing becomes labored and she unconsciously shoves away the garlic, but holds it close when she wakes.

Van Helsing came in the morning, leaving Arthur to sleep. He hisses when he sees Lucy, and with an examination finds the two wounds on her neck have completely vanished.

Van Helsing says she is dying, and it will not be long now. Seward goes to fetch Arthur.

Arthur takes a moment for grief and prayer.

Once in the room, Arthur's first thought is to kiss Lucy. Van Helsing stops him. He holds her instead, and they spend a little time together before she falls asleep.

Her breathing changed from slow and calm to labored, then she sort of half-woke and, in a strange "voluptuous" voice, asks Arthur to kiss her.

He almost complies, but Van Helsing throws him across the room. He says, "Not for your living soul or hers!"

Arthur is too shocked to be angry. Van Helsing stands between the lovers, as rage flits across Lucy's face.

She closed her eyes, and when they opened she was her usual sweet self again. She called Van Helsing her friend, and asked him to guard Arthur for her. He promised to do so.

Van Helsing calls Arthur to kiss her forehead, and they have a moment. Then Lucy's eyes close, her breathing becomes labored, then stops altogether. She dies.

Seward leads Arthur away, sets him to grieve in peace, then returns to the room. He is in awe of how beautiful Lucy looks now, and remarks that she looks like she's only asleep.

Seward says at least she's at peace now. Van Helsing replies that she is not, this is only the beginning. Seward asks what he means, and he says that there's nothing more they can do now but wait and see.

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