#The photos look so pixilated . Hoping that’s just for me . | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avantouroboros · 8 months

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infatuated with pixels

In the Realm of Pixels and Profiles

In the bustling realm of technology, where connections spark with the touch of a screen, I stumbled upon a profile that would catch my eye. It was on the Grindr app, a digital world where images and emotions danced, where virtual hearts beat in binary rhythms.

Her profile emerged like a dream – a silhouette of enchantment crafted in pixels. Pale, delicate skin like moonlight on silk, framed by raven-black hair that cascaded like a waterfall. Her eyes, oh those eyes, were the universe itself, infinite and captivating, pulling me into their depths like a gravitational force. A long, slender neck added an ethereal grace to her visage.

I found myself entranced, unable to scroll past her profile without pausing to gaze at her photos. Each image seemed to capture a different facet of her allure. There was a softness to her face, a vulnerability that resonated with me in a world so often consumed by the hard edges of life.

Curiosity, that insatiable muse, kept me coming back, fingers tapping the screen with a fervor reserved for unraveling mysteries. I wondered about her, the creator of this digital tapestry that had woven its way into my thoughts. Who was she beyond the pixels and filters? What stories did her eyes hold? What secrets were etched in the delicate lines of her face?

As time past, and my fascination grew. I imagined scenarios – a poet, perhaps, stringing verses together in moonlit solitude; an artist, conjuring masterpieces from the depths of her soul; a wanderer, exploring the world with a heart as free as the wind.

In the realm of pixels and profiles, a digital enchantment captured my gaze. I yearned to do more than just look—I desired to immortalize her essence in visual form. The urge to sketch her, to trace the delicate curves and shadowy depths, felt like a silent caress, a dance of charcoal smudging the boundaries between reality and art. As my fingers itched to recreate her, I found myself lost in the desire to capture her form and spirit in strokes of my pen.

Yet, beyond the artist's yearning lay a curiosity that couldn't be brushed aside. Each image whispered secrets, hinted at stories, and I longed to know the symphony of her life. What ignited the spark in her eyes? What dreams danced within her heart? What fantasies wove patterns in her mind? The desire to unravel these mysteries propelled my fingers toward the keyboard.

Finally, the moment arrived. The cursor blinked in anticipation, waiting to channel my intentions. With a determined exhale, I began typing, a message infused with a mix of admiration and curiosity. A digital note traversed the void between us, carrying my hopes to her. For in that message lay the potential to bridge the gap between admiration and connection, to step beyond the artistry of imagination and into the realm of shared human experience.

Pixilated Nakedness

I typed “I would love to draw you, I wander what kind of art you would inspire. Simple and true was the message, but so much more meaning laid behind those simple words

As days melted into weeks, the allure only grew stronger, my curiosity morphing into a compelling need to understand the person behind the pixels and messages that came far in-between I could tell there was an interest. I did not want to rush things. Imaginary narratives danced in my mind – a poet weaving verses under the moon, an artist breathing life into canvas, a wanderer embracing freedom with every step. Eventually, I gathered the courage to send a message, expressing my fascination and requesting a glimpse into her story. A response, delicate yet resonant, arrived. "Thank you for your kind words. If you're willing to listen, I might share a piece of my tapestry." The conversation began, and with every exchanged word, the boundary between digital and reality blurred.

As the responses ceased, a creeping fear of fading interest took hold. I contemplated relinquishing the fantasy of prospective adventures and the opportunity to truly understand this intriguing individual. Yet, whenever I glimpsed at that enchanting profile adorned with raven hair and an angelic visage, time seemed to stand still. It was then that I resolved to send another message, to persist in my pursuit of connecting with this enigmatic soul.

And then, a response emerged, causing my heart to leap with excitement. The spark of hope reignited, reminding me of the significance of not giving up. In that moment, I realized that there was still a chance to uncover the mysteries that lay within, to embark on a journey of discovery and connection with this captivating being.

Then to my delight she asked if wanted to her to send me nude photos and a short video of her I am glad I didn’t give up. So I didn't hesitate, "Yes please, I would like that very much.”

She sent them that right away and I was amazed at the beauty that I saw before my eyes with every swipe. she was the body that I desired she had taken the photos in front of a broken mirror that add a sense of drama and suspends her fractured reflection laid bare naked before me. I want to make love to her as a way to bring her back together, a healing balm, a unifying force that would reassemble her fragmented self into a single, cohesive whole.

My own body ached, I longed to caress the smoothness of her skin, her smooth breasts, her soft thighs. I imagined how good it would feel to have her beneath me, her warm, soft flesh enveloping mine. I longed to taste her mouth, to feel her lips upon mine, her breath filling my lungs, our bodies intertwined. she is like character from a movie a character that I wanted to be the romantic role in my movie.

Dreams of Pixels

My fantasies of being with her in person became more and more detailed and real. The idea that I could traveling through my phone to be with her felt like something I could actually do. Ass I fell a sleep with my phone in my hand. I dreamt that I was traveling throw the images on my phone it into her bedroom where she was lying in naked her legs spread, her head back, her lips slightly parted.

I floated over to her and she reached out to me. I climbed on top of her and we kissed soft and passionately, our tongues entwined, her kiss was sweet as nectar. Her body was warm and inviting, her scent was intoxicating. I could feel the heat from her body, she moaned softly as I put my wait on her, she gripped my back and dug her nails into my skin. we kissed deeply.

I kissed up and down her body slowly and passionately I teased her large clit every time I came close finally I put my face between her legs teased her with my tung. I then slowly put her cock into my mouth and worshiped this Goddess. I move back up her body and stair into her eyes and put the tip of my cock against her beautiful flower that surround her entrance to her earthly delights.

She nodded in agreement, her eyes heavy with desire, I slid my cock slowly inside her ass just the tip at first we liked eyes I fell deep into her should all of my length and thickness slid smoothly into her. She moaned with pleasure and pulled me in deeper, our bodies grinding against each other in perfect rhythm eyes locked. I started to thrust faster and faster. Her moans grew louder and louder until she came hard and fast, and then over again slower this time her muscles contracted over and over again.

we lay there for a few minutes, her legs still wrapped around me. then she rolled me over and took control, riding me cowgirl style, her hips moving in perfect rhythm with my cock. I came in her over and over agin till we were both completely spent.

Upon awakening, a bittersweet mix of emotions washed over me as I slowly grasped the truth: it had all been a dream. The images and sensations, so vivid and tangible, had woven a tapestry of enchantment that had me ensnared within its threads. It was as if I had traversed a parallel reality, one where every detail felt real, tangible, and the emotions were as vibrant as the colors of dawn.

In this dream, I had encountered a person of unparalleled beauty. Their features were etched into my memory, delicate and mesmerizing, as if the universe had meticulously crafted every contour. Eyes that held galaxies, hair that cascaded like black silk spun from the night sky, and a smile that could eclipse the sun's radiance – all were etched into my consciousness like a masterpiece painted by the hand of a divine artist. How I longed to make art inspired by the real her

As I blinked away the remnants of the dream, a deep yearning settled in my chest. The dream had been so intense, so authentic, that it felt like I had glimpsed an alternate reality. The connection I had felt with that beautiful soul was inexplicable, as if our spirits had danced together in the ethereal realm of dreams.

In the waking world, the memory of that dream lingered like a tender ache, a yearning to touch the intangible. As I looked at my phone reach out to capture the fleeting beauty that had graced my slumber. It was a reminder of the depths of imagination and the power of the mind to conjure experiences that transcended the boundaries of reality. And so, with a wistful smile and a heart touched by the ethereal, I embraced the memory of that dream, carrying its enchantment with me into the light of day.

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moemammon · 3 years

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The demon brothers reacting to MC dropping their phone on their face while laying down:

Lucifer

Why are you laying around on your phone anyway? Why, because Lucifer was buried in paperwork and couldn't give you the time of day!

He wanted to, of course, but you knew better than to pester this workaholic while he was doing stuff.

So instead, you decided to keep him company with your presence, rather than your words. And he appreciates it. Having you around clears his head and encourages him to work faster, somehow.

Maybe it's because he wants to get back to you as quickly as he can? He's rather spend time with you, anyway.

And it seemed like you'd need it since you just destroyed your nose with your phone.

All you wanted was to scroll through the group texts to pass the time.... why did gravity betray you like this...

Lucifer hears the soft smack of your phone against your face, and the grunt of pain that follows it.

He doesn't even need to look up. He knows what happened. Maybe he's trying to spare your feelings?

You don't see it, but a smile tugs at the corners of his lips. What a sadist...

"I did tell you to sit properly while you use your D.D.D., didn't I? I hope you've learned your lesson."

You narrow your eyes at the demon, not sure whether to be embarrassed or irritated.

Lucifer finally looks up at you with that judging gaze of his. But he's not going to mock you, of course! The eldest is too mature for that.

"Maybe it's time I took a break. It seems that you need something other than your D.D.D. to keep you busy."

So all you had to do was pull a Mammon and he’d start paying attention to you, huh?

You make a mental note of that.

Mammon

You were in Mammon's room, lounging around in comfortable silence. You were laying across his sofa on your back, arms propped up to hold your phone over your face while you watched a video.

And that's when the inevitable happened. Your fingers slipped, and....

The moment your phone makes contact with your face, Mammon's practically in tears.

Seriously. He has to shove his face into his pillow so he can calm himself down. But did you HEAR the sound you just made-

He's dropped his phone on his face so many times that he's glad HE gets to laugh for once, instead of the other way around!

He feels your pain though, so once he recovers from laughing for ten years, he asks if your nose is okay

Which you reply that it is not.

May he offer you a bandaid in these trying times?

"Don't look at me like that! I already said I was sorry for laughing at ya, didn't I?? C'mon MC... Oi, don't ignore me!"

Levi

Levi's back is to you and his eyes are trained on his computer screen, watching the pixilated game characters move across the screen.

You don't mind, since you're absorbed in your own game, a new mobile mmorpg he introduced you to!

And you've taken the liberty of stealing his bathtub bed for yourself, and we're currently laying on your back, arms raised high as if that would channel power into your character's move combo.

But it seems like you got a little too excited, because your phone slipped out of your grasp, and right into your poor face.

When you yelped, Levi pauses his game and takes his headset off to see what??? you just did??

Then he sees it.

His dear Henry has lost the battle against their D.D.D... he knows you fought honorably...

No but seriously, you good?

He's probably the one who's done it the most out of all of his brothers, what with all of his hobbies involving browsing the internet.

"Uh... I don't have any ice, but you can use this soda can..? It's still cold."

Thanks Levi. That was very poggers of you.

Satan

You were laying about, scrolling the internet to figure out the meaning of a word you'd just read.

Impignorate??? What was THAT. Not even Satan had an answer, so you had to rely on google to give you a hand.

Speaking of hands, yours decided to betray you and send your phone into your face, which Satan just witnessed.

He was mostly paying attention to the book his nose was buried in, but he’d sneak glances at you from time to time.

And he just happened to get lucky enough to witness your murder

This man lets out a very audible "Pfft-"

He was trying not to laugh. He swears. It's just that the sound of the phone hitting your face was just

Chef kiss

And now he will offer you a kiss, too, to your lil red nose.

He gets up to make sure you're good, still obviously laughing about it.

"Maybe you should sit up next time you use your D.D.D., hm?"

Now where have you heard that one-

He's definitely logging that memory into his brain forever though lmao

He didn't know humans could make a sound like that

Asmo

Does this scenario even need explaining??

There was nothing unusual about you and Asmo laying around his enormous bed, scrolling through devilgram, fashion blogs, and rolling over to show each other your latest internet find.

But all that rolling around and laughing came at a price...

That price being the structural integrity of your skull, after your phone just dive bombed into it.

Asmo IMMEDIATELY sits up

If there's anyone who knows how dangerous a blow to the face can be, it's Asmo!

He's not even laughing about it. Just cupping you're cheeks and checking you over like a worried wife mom

"Are you okay?? Nothing seems to be swelling, and I don't see any bruises... How's your nose? Does it hurt?? I'll get you some ice! We don't want any marks on that adorable face of yours!"

Nurse Asmo will heal your superficial wounds

Speeds up the recovery process with a million butterfly kisses all over your face

May or may not turn into a few kisses going lower and lower, until-

Anyway, just be careful next time, okay? You nearly gave him a heart attack!

Beel

What do you do when you run out of ideas for what to make for dinner?

You look to the internet for some recipes! Preferably easy ones that can be made quickly and in huge batches, per Beel's request.

He's looking, too! There are plenty of cookbooks to flip through, so while you handle the googling, he's busy... drooling over the photos in the books.

At this rate, he might just eat the books themselves...

So you get up from your cozy lounge spot on the counter- Or, that was the plan anyway. But one thing led to another, and the only thing moving was your cell phone.

Rapidly.

Toward your face.

Beel hears the smack and then the curse you mumble under your breath, and looks over with worry.

His hunger is temporarily forgotten since he's got to make sure you're okay. Humans are fragile, after all!

Maybe not fragile enough to seriously be hurt by something like this, but he still doesn't like when you get hurt.

"Are you okay..? That sounded like it hurt."

Carefully inspecting your face. When he concludes that you seem perfectly fine, he gives your hair an affectionate ruffle.

"Why don't we look through the cookbooks together? I found a recipe that looks tasty. I want to make it with you."

The pain in your face seems to fly away in the presence of this sunshine man.... you have truly been blessed...

Belphie

Hanging out under the stars with Belphie was always so relaxing. You couldn't get enough of it!

And this time, you had the great idea of snapping a few photos of the display above your heads.

After a couple of selfies and a few shots overhead, to position your phone to take one last photo of yourself and Belphegor, when your finger slips.

Belphie has abandoned you.

He rolls away at light speed to prevent the phone from possibly hitting HIM, and lets you take the hit.

You've never felt more betrayed....

And he has the nerve to chuckle???

He grabs your phone from your face, inching close enough to look you over.

"Sorry. I didn't want to get hit. That must've hurt, huh?"

Yeah, no kidding.

Probably imitates the sound you made at random times throughout the day just to get on your nerves tbh

He's annoyingly good at it, too

Evil man

Gremlin

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keibea · 2 years

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"unedited simmy" girl what is your secret?? the photos are flawless (and so is the sim) while all my unedited photos look crunchy af

hehehe thank you lovely! tbh to me my unedited photos are crappy so thank you for the confidence boost! as for my secret...idk really but i can show you a few things i do when taking photos?

firstly i have my sim texture set to 4k because im crazy...but i did it so when the 4k textures are set as "very high" and my gameplay textures are just "high" so i can avoid lag. it takes a little bit of fiddling so make sure you back up your files just in case. the main thing im trying to say is i only use 4k for photos. i did it myself using this for help :)

another thing i do is make my sims 3 screen huge...idk how to explain this. basically my normal monitor size is 1920x1080 (im pretty sure idk) but i also have a second monitor that is huge and horrible for gameplay, but great for photos. so basically when im taking photos i just use that larger monitor which is probably the main reason why my photos are less pixilated, cause my monitor is obnoxiously big. would not recommend buying a giant monitor cause theyre expensive and you get horrible fps, and you can do a similar thing with the srwe program that a lot of sims 4 simmers use. im not sure how it works in sims 3, but i assume it's similar?

hope this helps a little :)

#wcif #sort of idk what else to tag this lol #i just have to be extra LOLOLOLOL

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chilly-me-softly · 3 years

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fluff alphabet for jordan (henderson)

This is my first alphabet so hope I did it right and that you like it! x

A - APRON

Jordan wasn't the best cook in the world, he kept it simple and always made the same recipes sure that the result was more than acceptable. And you loved to see him in action, from the moment he put on his apron until he got to the cooker, his expression always focused as if he were in the middle of a surgical operation. And then his eagerness to know if it was good, the smile on his face when you complimented him, him enormously pleased with himself.

B - BALL

Of course he always has a ball between his feet, many times urging you to play with him. And you're not a professional player at his level, but you certainly manage to distract him in other ways...

C - CUDDLE

After a day of practice what better thing than holding you in his arms while you tell him what happened while he was gone or anything else that comes to mind. Your voice is better than any relaxing drink, so much so that many times he has closed his eyes without even noticing.

But it's the little circles you draw on his arm, the light kisses you leave on his chin from time to time that make his night. Because no matter how much he likes being around the boys, no one pampers him like you do.

D - DINOSAUR

The little dinosaur is supposed to be for your son, but ever since it was given to you, it keeps you company when you're alone. Or even to annoy Jordan as he often complains that you spend more time hugging that soft toy than he does.

"I swear, as soon as he's born, I'll let him have it"

"If you say so" Jordan strokes your eight month old baby bump with a smile on his face, "did you hear mommy? She'll leave you her toys" he leaves a light kiss on your belly as you gasp hitting him with the dinosaur head.

"You're really mean Jordan, go away I never want to see you again" you put on a fake pout as he looks at you softly getting up to be at your height.

"How about you keep this dinosaur, and our son gets another one? You can match"

"I don't need a stuffed animal, I'm a big girl now" but you don't believe it either, him raising an eyebrow clearly amused and you hitting him with the dinosaur again.

E - EXERCISE

Even on his days off Jordan had to work out, the home gym built for the occasion. And he loves showing off for you, when you go to sit on a bench and your gaze settles on his toned, sweaty body.

"Like what you see?" he sneers, gently passing the towel over his face and then laying it on your shoulders, you rolling your eyes faking nonchalance.

"Please my lover is in better shape"

"Oh yeah?" Jordan walks over trapping your legs against the bench and starting to lie on top of you.

"No Jordan you're sticky" you try to desist but he's already on your lips. So you draw him to you by the neck, the thin layer of clothing separating you starting to get annoying.

F - FAMILY PHOTO

Jordan literally loves family photos, a big one of you just on the fireplace. He claims that every year you have to redo it because you all change so much, especially the little ones. Plus that year there is a new member of the family so it has to be redone.

You smile, arranging the ribbon around the baby's head in your arms as a three-year-old runs past your side almost tripping.

"Careful" you sigh, "Come on come over here next to us so we can take the picture and then you can go play" you don't know how he hasn't gotten dirty in some way yet. Jordan and the light shirt obsession. It's cute but totally not appropriate for a vulcano like your kid.

Finally Jordan arrives after talking to the photographer about the shots, wrapping an arm around you briefly. He places a kiss on your temple and the forehead of the little one in your arms before stopping the baby who was about to run away again.

"Just two minutes okay?" he smiles, crouching down and resting his hands on the kid's shoulders, smoothing down his jacket and adjusting his little bow tie before guiding him back to his seat.

And at the end of the week all you have to do is choose the best photo.

G - GETAWAY

Especially in summer you used to disappear to spend some time alone away from schedules, appointments, dinners to attend, families. Nothing was better than disconnecting, just you and Jordan relaxing in a secluded place or being tourists in some unknown location. You did everything you could to keep your mind off your troubles for even a couple of nights and it was always worth it.

H - HUG

All you had to do was say that word and Jordan would drop what he was doing, his arms gently around your body. Sometimes you did it just for the sake of it, but most of the time you just felt the need to be held and he was almost always there to satisfy you.

I - ILL

Sick Jordan was absolutely something. His unkempt state, his bright eyes and his drawling smile made him so cute in your eyes even though he felt like crap.

"Stop looking at me like that" he complains as he always does trying to hide his head somewhere while you smile.

"I'm not doing anything"

"You're looking at me" his voice comes muffled from under the pillow as you try to take it off, stroking his slightly damp hair. You liked taking care of him for once, even if it meant he wasn't at his best. He always seemed so strong, always available for you and that was one of the few times you could somehow return the favour.

He got annoying but you couldn't really take it out on him, could you?!

J - JORDAN

You didn't use nicknames, his name was good like that and you didn't need to change it or not use it at all. And he loved to hear his name coming from you. With hilarity when you were having fun; with sweetness in intimate moments; and yet angry, joking, alarmed, every possible nuance brought a smile to his face.

K - KEY

You were having breakfast one morning, you were enjoying your bowl of cereal while his had become un-eatable by now as he kept throwing you glances not caring about it.

He continues to twist something between the fingers of the hand he has hidden from your view when suddenly Jordan reaches across the table, sliding something towards you. A key.

"This is the house key. I wanted to... well give it to you but don't feel pressured in any way" he doesn't know exactly what he's nervous about, many times he's left you his keys to get in or when he was out of town for emergencies. But you looking at him motionless certainly doesn't help him. Has he made a mistake?

"You're giving me the key to your house?" your gaze on that object, incredulous, not touching it as if it might shock you. "Really?" you always had his keys on loan, having your own meant he trusted you enough to let you into his space even unannounced, or that you wouldn't lose it and risk someone else finding it. It was a really great gesture.

"Yeah I mean I thought you could have your own copy, and use it even when I'm here" a huge smile breaks across your face as you stand up going to sit on Jordan's lap, him scooting his chair further back to allow you to be more comfortable.

"That's...I have no words. Just thank you"

"I like the idea of coming home to find you already comfortable"

"Oh I surely will" you chuckle as you finally take that key in your hands, snapping to your feet causing a confused expression to appear on Jordan's face as you leave for the door.

"I forgot something" you walk back inside using the key and going straight to leave a kiss on his lips as he stands up immediately wrapping his arms around your body. "Are you crazy? It's so cold out there"

"I have a key now" you state with satisfaction as you cling to him.

L - LAUGH

Definitely his trademark, you can recognise it even with your eyes closed. You couldn't be more different than that, you always trying to be as quiet as possible while he was always so loud. But you couldn't help but be mesmerised by his face when he laughed, from his squinted eyes to his head thrown back.

"If I were to lose my memory, I'm sure your laugh would make me remember you" a soft smile on your face as you looked up at him slightly from below lying on his chest as he raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about? Why would you lose your memory?"

"I said if, it's a scenario" you roll your eyes pouting, him quickly running his thumb over your lips to remove it.

"Why do you always have to be so tragic?"

"Ugh Jordan it was a compliment, it's not my fault you don't get it" and that laugh is always there to fill your heart.

M - MATCHDAY

Every home game Jordan is sure to have you at the stadium cheering for him. Over the years that has never changed, only skipping games when you weren't feeling well or when you were really pregnant and Jordan would be more concerned about you and your safety than the outcome of the game.

A little unspoken routine between you, him always leaving home early no matter the kick off time to review tactics and you sending him a text to wish him luck with a picture of you - and later a picture of you and the kids - wearing his jersey.

After the match regardless of the result and after he has done any interviews, here you are together sharing a short but sweet moment. You remind him how proud you are of him, the children want to go and play on the pitch.

N - NOSE

His nose brushes your neck as he snuggles up against you to rest; his nose brushes yours gently in an Eskimo kiss before he makes your lips connect; his nose brushes your skin after you have just stepped out of the shower. You often teased him by saying he looked like a tracker but you liked that little attention, the build up to what came next.

O - OLD

You always tease him by claiming he's getting old, sprawled out on the couch after spending half an hour chasing his son completely out of energy while the kid would happily take another ten thousand steps in the backyard.

"If I'm old then so are you, you know that don't you?"

"Yeah" you shrug, "but I'm still younger than you"

P - PIXEL

It's no secret that Jordan travels a lot during the year, your pixilated face seen more times than he'd like. But you don't hold it against him, besides being work it's his dream and moving around so much means he's living it to the fullest; that he's required and indispensable to the team besides being its captain of course.

You have learned to live the moments when you are together, to cheer and not waste it. And every time he stops to look at you while you're sleeping by his side or even just at any other time, he can't stop remembering how much those pixels don't really do you justice.

R - RING

It was a normal day in your life when you realised as a teenager that you had a thing for guys' hands, and if they had rings for some reason it was a bonus.

And many times you'd literally froze as you stared at Jordan's hands moving as he talked or wrote or cooked, the addition of that ring after your wedding didn't help the cause. You were brought back down to earth by his laughter because it was always surprising how one minute you were actively participating in the conversation and the next you were like in trance.

S - SAFE

You don't think you've ever told him verbally but you were lucky enough to have met him. Jordan makes you feel safe and you don't talk about the need to be defended from the bad. You know that with Jordan you can talk about whatever is on your mind without fear of being judged, you know he will always be there for you no matter what. You're immediately heartened by the reminder that he's by your side because any moment is less hard if the right person is by your side.

T - TOMORROW

It is something you often talk about, tomorrow. Everything is unpredictable, you never wanted to make long-term plans because you never know what might happen but only one thing you know for sure that you want Jordan by your side. And your idea matches his.

"You are my tomorrow and as long as I wake up with you by my side I will have a reason to smile"

U - UNIVERSE

"You are my universe"

"Stop it"

"But you are, why wouldn't I tell you" he chuckles as you hit him trying to hide your face.

You are one who is always on the move, always available for others but at the same time doesn't know how to react to compliments. You do what you do not to be praised or anything else but just because you feel like it and every time after a compliment of any kind any word would seem unnecessary, making you stand in front of that person smiling embarrassed making you feel uncomfortable. There, if you had to find a word to describe it you could say that compliments make you uncomfortable.

And Jordan knows this very well, but every now and then when you're alone he starts showering you with compliments and sweet phrases for the sake of it. But the truth is that he likes it when you blush, your cheeks turning red as you do your best not to look him in the eye or hide your face in your hands.

V - VOWS

It seemed years away, but your wedding day had arrived overwhelmingly. You couldn't wait to experience that day and those emotions to the fullest. The thing that had been most challenging for you was the vows, so many things to say without finding the right words. Everything seemed already said, obvious, not perfect and several times you had been on the verge of a nervous breakdown for that small detail.

But on your wedding day, no one around you exists anymore. There's just you and Jordan and your hearts full of love for each other, his thumb caressing the back of your hand for support. You almost forget what you've been struggling to write over those last few months, the words that come easily from your lips just by looking into his eyes.

W - WINNER

Winner takes it all. Jordan watches from afar as you joke with some of his teammates and the only thing he can think about is how that year just ended was one of the most amazing of his life so far, both professionally and in his personal life. He had achieved extraordinary goals with the team, broken records and set new ones. And then he had you who had given him a child a few months earlier and he felt like a winner.

Y - YUMMY

"Yeah that's yummy" Jordan watches his baby close his mouth around the spoon and then bring his thumb to his mouth getting messy with his own food.

"Why do you do that hm? Why?" his tone of voice only makes the child laugh as he waits for another bite clapping his hands on the high chair. Jordan quickly satisfies him seeing the same scene repeat itself, the little hands that have now become sticky and are getting everything they touch dirty like they always do at feeding time.

Z - ZOOM

His professionalism never fails to amaze you as you watch him from afar managing to handle questions in front of a computer. It will be the third interview in which he's asked the same things over and over again and you have never seen him make any gesture of tiredness or annoyance. And you are waiting for him to finally get up from that chair to wrap him in your arm and give him the right amount of pampering he needs to clear his head of everything.

#thank you anon #jordan henderson #jordan henderson blurb

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randombtsprincessa · 4 years

Text

Best of Me

Author: Randombtsprincessa

Characters: Kim Seokjin x Reader (She/Her) (2nd POV)

Words: 6.2k

Genre: Angst/Smut, Fluff if you’re looking for it!

Rating: Mature (18+)

Summary: Jin has been in love with you since your childhood. As time passes and you become two different individuals, will his love be left behind in the past or will he have a chance?

Warning: Major Purple Prose (Sorry, couldn’t help it!), Talk of arranged marriages, age gap (5 years), both are idiots tbh, swimming pool make out, explicit sex scene, fingering, unprotected sex (stay safe!) Irresponsible discharges but they’re too horny to care!

A/N: This fic was voted by the lovely readers of mine for my Blogversary! I hope all the people who voted are happy with this fic! I will hold another poll for the November Nanowrimo if time and circumstances allow and all the people who voted for other fics will have their chance again! Don’t worry though, all the fic ideas are going to be posted anyhoo!

The very first time that Jin had laid eyes on you, was probably when you were seven. He was a lanky twelve year old, content with lazing about his house, passing the summers in bliss just like it was expected from children of his age.

That had been right up until his elder sister, Moonbyul, marched into the house with you in tow.

Jin had been on the couch, feet up onto the carved winged arms. If his mother had known, he would’ve been grounded till the next school year; but he was too engrossed into the small handheld video game to be too concerned about consequences.

The loud chatter of a young child had interrupted his carefully structured gaming limbo – his eyes shifted, attention straying, and then his character was evaporating into a puff of pixilated smoke.

Jin let out one of the new expletives he’d recently learned, no fears for now, because it was just his sister – he knew she knew worse words.

“Jin, you’re home?” Moonbyul asked, first thing, seeing her brother slide down the sofa.

“Yeah, it’s too hot outside.” He glanced curiously at the girl who stood right next to his sister, before a wave of recognition flooded him.

It was the girl his sister babysat, daughter of one of their father’s friend – Y/N.

“Why’d you bring her here?” He asked.

“Y/N’s parents just left, she didn’t want to stay in.” Moonbyul huffed playfully at the girl and she giggled, showing small teeth.

“Right,” he returned his eyes to the kid. She was cute.

“I’ll be out at the pool with Y/N.” His sister informed before grabbing the hand Y/N stretched out to her caretaker. They passed by and the girl gave a final wave back to Jin who grinned, exaggeratedly waving his own hand to the girl, earning another giggle.

It was usual after that, for Jin to find Y/N and his sister at the pool. Y/N must’ve taken a liking to it, because even when Moonbyul wasn’t with her, he would spot her there, sometimes just sitting at the edge, sometimes doing laps.

You and Jin grew up together; the five year difference between you and him should’ve caused for a strange form of wariness between the relationships between you two. However, there was nothing of that sort for you – even when Jin could feel himself settling into being an adolescent.

You still found it comfortable and natural to swim in their pool, long after you crossed the age of babysitting, long after Moonbyul left for college.

You had grown into a little spitfire, all rebellious, boisterous laughter following your footsteps wherever you went. Jin and you went to the same school, him being close to graduating, while you were still spreading your roots. It wasn’t very unusual for him to hear your voice around the cafeteria, or the hallway and whenever he looked around, you shone like the sun, surrounded by people who absorbed your heat and reflected it.

It made him smile, reminded of the small girl whose giggles had echoed around his house.

In these times, he found it easier to bring himself to join you; donning on swimming trunks and a t-shirt.

The first time, he had to ask shyly if you would like some company and you had grinned, telling him it was his pool before he’d jumped in.

Swimming had become a bonding experience, the both of you delving deep into conversation in the moments where you would catch a breath.

It was at this time when he found out your favorite color, food, season, subjects. Stars weren’t just gaseous balls when you talked about them, space wasn’t just a void in your mind. Politics, medicine, law; these were just base human calculations for power. What could capitalism and corruption do to you when you were just a floating mass in the galaxy?

Jin had blinked at these words, finding it hard to adjust to your world view, when his own had been molded for the working world.

You were a gust of fresh river air, when all he had smelled was sea salt…and so he fell, sitting at the tiled edge of his own swimming pool, for a girl unattainable.

But just like everything that existed under the sun, this too had to end sometime.

Years passed before Jin saw you again, in a formal setting this time.

Jin had gone on to the same college Moonbyul had, completing his Masters before he came back home. He had grown, and well, if he had to be very honest. He had traded in his contacts, glasses perched on his nose; a crisp suit clad around his frame with a hand holding a glass of fine scotch.

His father had been ecstatic to have both his children home. His sister had already started working in the company and he was soon to join.

Congratulations were flowing as freely as the alcohol.

His father stood next to him, one hand clasping and clapping his shoulder occasionally as he boasted about his son’s degrees to his business associates when his eyes brightened.

“Y/F/N, come on in! Glad you could join us,” He left the group, striding to your father, embracing him and dropping air kisses on your mother when Jin saw you.

You stood farther back from the gaggle of parents, hands held to your front.

In a split second, Jin’s mind had conjured up a series of images. You, a child, giggling at him; you, his friend, talking about how soothing the scent of wet earth was and then every picture on social media – you growing up, becoming a little less loud, but not losing your outspoken nature. Your hair was longer now, collected with a pin to one side but the graceful nature of your attire meant nothing.

Jin knew that rebellion still pumped in your blood, he’d seen the posts about various debates, the conferences. You were still in college, but you had achieved more than he could hope for.

A small tendril of pride blossomed in his chest, looking at you now. He hoped you’d come talk to him, surprising himself.

Jin had accepted early on that he had fallen in love with you in his young days. He had also accepted that maybe nothing would ever come of it, that you would find him too old. So, he had moved on, dated; however, each picture that he liked on your social media just pushed a pin into his heart.

Hope, as it was, could not be curbed – he’d found. He knew it was dangerous, being close to you again, that he would fall again, but if his feelings were this easy to rekindle, then, had they ever vanished truly in the first place?

“Seokjin,”

He started, his eyes focusing on the speaker. Somewhere between his reminiscing, you’d spotted him, and as he had hoped had come over to say hello.

“Y/N,” He smiled naturally, a heartbeat skipped when you chose to wrap your arms around him. His own arms remained polite, one hand pressing you to him while the one holding his drink stayed carefully away from your dress.

“Look at you, all suited up and in glasses; I didn’t even know you wore glasses.” You said, pulling away to peer at his face.

“Yeah, I don’t…I don’t really post too many photos.” Jin smiled.

Your eyes were glinting from the soft affection that came with old friends but he couldn’t find anything else in them that pointed out that you felt anything more at his appearance.

“I saw your pictures though. Congratulations, college has been a good experience for you it seems.”

“More like I’m a good addition for the college,” you lowered your voice mischievously.

There it was; that stern surety in your own worth. Jin smiled again. “So, can we say this is official, your homecoming?” You asked.

“I’m going to join the company, so yeah.”

“Great, I’ll come visit you. I haven’t seen Moonbyul in so long as well.”

“Of course,” Jin was about to take a swig when a call of your name distracted both of you.

“Well, I have to go, enjoy your party, Jin.” You waved to him and with one final wave walked away, leaving Jin to sip from his glass with his eyes fixed on you.

It wasn’t long after that his father announced a date most auspicious for Jin to join. He was soon to retire anyway; his company would go to his children. He needed Jin to learn the ropes as soon as possible.

Jin worked diligently. He practically took the role of his father’s secretary; sitting with him in meetings, taking his calls and handling the jobs as best as he could.

Moonbyul had already moved on to a higher office, having worked about three years more than her brother. She would come by sometimes, give advice based on her own experiences.

Not long after, Jin was capable in his own rights.

He worked in his own office, overlooking the things his father pushed on to him dutifully.

Things were busy in a successful business; there was no time for Jin to linger over thoughts of you. He wanted to, more than anything, think about what it would mean with both of you now being in the same city.

Chances were he’d run into you, but then what?

What would he say? What would he even do?

It was safer for Jin to bury himself in his work.

So imagine his surprise, when his family was the one to bring you up – at the breakfast table, no less.

“The Y/L/Ns are talking about marrying Y/N off.” His father spoke.

Jin’s head was the first to swivel, followed by his mother’s and then his sister’s, who was still a little clumsy with the butter knife.

“What?” Jin asked, shocked.

“Well, the girl is old enough now. They are going to start looking for suitable grooms.” He avoided looking at Moonbyul, who very pointedly flexed her bare left hand.

His sister was proudly single, and a brilliant businesswoman. Not even their father was going to interfere with that aspect of her life.

“She can make her own choices.” She put in.

“I’m not saying she can’t.” Their father said. “I’m just saying they’re looking and,” he exchanged a look with his wife. “I took the liberty of putting your name up for consideration.”

Moonbyul looked surprised, blinking. “Father, I used to babysit her. That’s ludicrous.”

“Not you,” her father palmed his face. “Seokjin,”

Now Jin was the one to blink – but not in surprise. “Did they take it well?”

“Why wouldn’t they? You are a successful, well to do man; upright, a gentleman. You’ve been friends with Y/N, too.”

“He meant Y/N.” Moonbyul interrupted in her brother’s stead.

“Oh,” Mr. Kim looked abashed. “No, they’re still waiting for the right time to tell her.”

Jin looked down at his plate.

It was an odd sensation that brewed in his stomach. He was elated, yes, the thought of marrying Y/N was his dream come true…but she didn’t even know. She didn’t know anything. Her ignorance sent trepidation rampaging through him, crushing the small seeds of hope and happiness yet again.

He could eat no more.

Concentration upon his work, which was piling up with every phone call that passed his intercom was the last thing on his mind.

Instead, he spent most of the working morning with his chair turned around, staring blearily out the glass panes. He knew, coming back home, running into you was bound to send his heart down a memory lane that winded and twisted with lanes of confusion and anxiety.

“Jin,”

He swiveled the chair around with a start, seeing his sister stand at his door, a sardonic smile on her face.

“I was working! I was just taking a small breather.”

“Hey, chill, I’m not on your ass about work.” She breezed in, perching on the edge of his desk. “Nobody says you have to break your back plus you’re twenty seven. Stop acting like you’re still twelve and breaking curfew.”

It was Jin’s turn to give her a wry look. “If you’re not here about work, what are you ‘getting on my ass’ about?”

“Breakfast,”

He gave her a blank look.

“To be precise; I’m here to talk about Y/N.”

Her brother sat up straighter. “You didn’t tell her did you? Is she here? What did you do?” he stopped when he saw Moonbyul twinkle at him.

“You’ve got it so bad for her.” She said, laughing at the high color on Jin’s cheeks.

“I don’t know what you mean.” Jin slumped down in his chair, eyes fixed stubbornly at the photo swirl screen saver of his desktop.

Moonbyul rolled her eyes, sliding off her perch to walk and stand at his arm. “You’ve been obvious for years Jin. Why do you think Dad even said anything about you to Y/N’s parents? We all know…at least mom and dad and I do.”

All Jin could do was widen his eyes, flames now reaching his temples as he attempted to sink further down. They all knew…they all knew…? Had he been that tactless? Oh my god, did you know? Had you ever gleaned how he watched you, like you were made of soft marble, sparkling in the sun? That when you spoke, he listened…as if he just couldn’t help it…

“I…I do like her, a lot.” He admitted, although quietly quelling the word ‘love’. He wasn’t quite there, even if it was his sister he was talking to.

“So, why don’t you tell her? You’re friends. Try and talk to her.”

“What if she says ‘LOL Jin, but you’re like my brother’?” He sat up straighter. “I’m five years older to her. That’s like so old. She’s just going to say no and maybe never want to talk to me ever again after.”

“You can’t know that without even talking to her. Plus, you’re both adults now. Stop putting ideas into your own head, you’re going to drive yourself mad. Also, Y/N’s not like that. She’s not shallow.”

“I didn’t mean,”

“I know you didn’t. However, if you want even a shadow of a chance with her, you have to get out of your shell and start talking to her.”

The rest of the morning passed heavily on Jin’s shoulder. By the time lunch break arrived, he was more than ready to get out of his spacious office that somehow seemed too small for him now. Grabbing his wallet and keys, he hurried down by the elevator, heading over for the small café that he used to frequent in his school days.

It had been a very popular hotspot for the students in his schools and even now, he could hear the laughs and jokes of his friends ringing in his ears, bringing a fond smile to his plump lips.

Walking in, he indulged in the chime of the overhead bell, the smell of roasting coffee beans and the sugar wafting over the dessert counter as he stood in line to order his usual bagel and cream and some mocha.

“Jin,” He turned with the first bite of his bagel, cream smearing his top lip and his eyes nearly boggled at the sight of you sitting in one of the booths, laughing up at him.

“Y/N,” he choked on his mouthful, coughing as he approached her. “What are you doing here?”

“Same as you, getting lunch; I missed this little place. I saw you and thought…maybe we could get lunch together. Of course, if you don’t mind or aren’t too busy?”

“No, no, I’m not busy and of course I don’t mind.” Of course, he wouldn’t mind sitting down here with you, getting lunch, possibly fantasizing about how he’d get lunch with you if you were dating instead of just catching up.

He looked down to see a sandwich on your plate, no bites taken out of it and you pushed the plate till it sat in the middle, letting him place the bagel on your plate as well.

“Well then, tell me everything that’s happened to you since graduation.” You smiled and Jin started talking, watching all your expressions; the giddy smiles, the concerned frowns and the soft chuckles that you hid under your breath.

He didn’t know when the topic sided towards you but when you started talking about how you’d met so many interesting people on a few of your debate teams and their clashing ideologies, Jin erupted like an untimely science project.

“Did you know your parents want you to get married?”

You stuttered to a stop, the cup of tea pausing midway as you stared at him in shock. “What…what did you say? How did you know?”

Jin looked down quickly, scratching and pulling at his ear. “My parents…they told me…they…um, they heard your parents discussing it.” He lied through his teeth.

“Oh,” You looked down, giving Jin enough time to study you. “I don’t think I’d like to get married right now. There’s so much to do; so much to be, so much to see. I want to go places, to talk to people, to be every version of me there is. I can’t do that if I get married.” You said.

“Right,” Jin said weakly.

He couldn’t tell you, he decided. He couldn’t tell you about how you were most likely betrothed to him, and he absolutely couldn’t tell you how he felt about you.

You would never look at him the same.

However, it wasn’t enough to curb the unfurling ball of guilt that throbbed in his now uneasy stomach. He stared down at the half eaten bagel. He had to talk to his father.

“Dad?” Jin poked his head in to where his father sat in his study, poring over some reports he’d dragged in that day. The older Mr. Kim looked up, peering at his son over his glasses.

“Jin, come on in, what’s the matter?”

He walked in slowly, hands wringing behind his back. Nervous tension radiated off of him and he was pulling at his ears till he thought it’d come right off.

“I want to talk to you about something serious. About Y/N,” He said finally.

His father removed his glasses, tossing them on the discarded papers as he regarded his son. “You don’t want to marry her. Its fine, son; you don’t have to do anything that you don’t want to do. We can talk to her parents tomorrow.”

“No!” Jin took a quick step forward. He didn’t want that. What if her parents thought he had bad mouthed her? They would tell her and she would find out that he had kept her betrothal a secret – or worse, think he thought her inferior.

“I just…I want it to be postponed. She’s still in college and I talked to her today. She wants things out of life, dad and being married in our world is just going to put her in a wife box. She doesn’t want that. Hell, I don’t want that for her.” He sighed. “I just want her to get what she wants before she thinks of settling down. We can wait till then, can’t we?”

His father narrowed his eyes in thought, about to reply when a softer voice interrupted them. Jin’s eyes widened, head whirling to see you standing at the open door, mouth agape.

“You knew? You knew and you didn’t tell me? All that talk in the café and you just -,”

“Y/N,”

You turned on your heel, storming away from the study and Jin sprang out of where he’d sunk down in one of his father’s armchairs.

“Wait, Y/N, wait, for god’s sake!” Jin managed to grip her arm at the front door, slamming it shut behind him for privacy. You immediately snatched the appendage away but turned mercifully, allowing him to talk.

“I’m sorry, ok. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” He began.

“Do you know how stupid I feel? I asked my parents about what you said today and they said that they had already picked you to be my husband,” Jin flinched at the venom in your voice, “and all I thought about was that I should tell you so you wouldn’t be shocked but guess what, you already know. You knew and you let me think,” You flung out your hands, stepping back from him.

“Why? Why wouldn’t you just say something? You heard me talking about all my dreams, all the things I want from my life. I thought you were my friend. What possible motive could you have had for not telling me? And now, you don’t even want to marry me.”

“Of course I want to marry you.” Jin broke in, roughly. “I’ve been in love with you ever since we were kids, Y/N. I want to marry you yes, but I also want you to have everything you want.”

Y/N’s harsh words had faded away, leaving behind only a squeak of surprise in its stead.

“You…you what?” You stammered.

“You heard me Y/N. it’s been forever and I still feel for you the same as I did when I was a high school boy. All I want is what’s best for you. Even if,” Jin gulped, shamefaced, “even if you decide that it’s not me.”

He watched you falter, something softening behind those deep eyes he loved to watch spark with mischief. “I…” The word hung between them, suspended in nothing but years of repressed words.

Then without uttering another word, you turned and walked away from him.

It had been a week of no contact.

Y/N’s parents had called late that night, wondering if Y/N had shown up at their face and his father had skillfully relayed the events, asking for any news to be forwarded to them as well; Jin was anxious.

And it was true…

Jin hadn’t stopped replaying the last encounter with Y/N in his head, shuddering away from the poisonous look in her eyes and voice before he’d shocked the rest of her anger away.

He’d been right; she didn’t want anything to do with him. Moonbyul had been wrong.

“Seokjin,” His father knocked on his door.

“Yeah,” he sat up straighter.

“Y/N called home,” His father stood in his doorway, peeking about at the thrown about clothes and other belongings that Jin couldn’t bring himself to put back properly.

“Ok, what did she say?” Jin sighed in relief to himself.

“She went back to her college dorm, with some friends. She said she’ll be back…later, that she needed some time to think about things.”

Jin pulled in his shoulders at that, shriveling up in himself. It didn’t matter. You were safe. That was more important. So why couldn’t he just be happy?

“Son, relax; this isn’t as bad as you think. She’s safe; she hasn’t outright told her family about the fight. She just needs space.”

“Yeah, I know, but I…I don’t think she’ll come back here, to me.”

“Nonsense,”

“Dad,” His father turned to look at him. “I love her. I told her and she still left.”

His father’s face changed, turning sympathetic before giving him a bracing smile. “Like I said, she needs space; don’t lose hope, son. She’ll come back soon enough, you’ll see.”

Jin waited till his father had shut the door and walked some distance away before scoffing.

Hope…

He was really starting to hate that word.

His body felt cold now, almost freezing. The water in the pool had been freshly poured in and though night swims weren’t something Jin indulged in usually, he was making an exception.

He’d shucked off his shirt and pants, taking a quick running dive into the water to build up his guts. The ice cold water had hit him like a sucker punch and he’d gasped, floating up to the surface, holding himself in the water to build up resistance.

He turned around onto his back, letting his long frame buoy up by the water. He snorted once when he thought about how he’d been teased that water would support him more because he had a huge built.

“Having fun?”

For the second time in not too long, he startled. His body upended, face meeting the water and then he was grappling for foothold, standing up to glare at the intruder. He immediately backtracked when he saw that it wasn’t his sister, but the reason why he was dunking himself in freezing waters so late at night.

You sat, legs crossed in the gazebo near the pool, face in your palm, watching him impassively.

“Y/N!” Jin nearly shouted before realizing the time, looking about in case someone was up in the house. “You’re back, how did you get in here?”

You rolled your eyes. “I’ve been coming here since I was a toddler, Jin. I know the ways to this pool better than you do.”

“Oh,” Jin remained awkward, kicking idly in the water when you stood walking around out of the roofed gazebo to stand at the pool edge.

“Aren’t you going to ask?”

“Ask what?”

“About where I went, why I went away…I don’t know, questions that I think my parents will ask when I go home.”

That had Jin’s head snapping back up to you. “You mean you didn’t go home?”

“Nope,” You shook your head. “Just arrived, came straight here,”

“I’m…flattered.” Jin managed weakly, thrilling when the tips of your lips twitched up in an amused smile.

“Can I join?”

Jin glanced around at the large pool. “Sure, why not?”

He backed up a little to create more space for you but what he wasn’t prepared for was you grabbing the hem of your sun dress, lifting it up completely off your head, revealing a simple black sports bra and boy shorts combo.

Jin averted his eyes, feeling heat rise up in his neck, along with something that made him grateful for the cold water. You draped the dress over the back of a deck chair, jumping in right next to him.

Jin exhaled, at least the water and the mild night lights of the pool hid most of your bare skin from his view.

“Race you?”

“You’re on.”

Jin and you drew back to one end of the pool before taking laps to the other end, to and fro.

Finally when you both urged at one end, Y/N’s palm slapping the top of the tiles in triumph, Jin pushed his hair back with both hands, panting. He wasn’t that far from Y/N, but the way she gave him a sheepish grin was enough for him to agree to his defeat.

“Guess it wasn’t a fair competition; you’re getting old.” You dunked your head into the pool before emerging again, launching up to sit at the edge. Jin smiled wryly, drifting closer to float near you, unspeaking for a while as you both caught your breaths.

“Do you know why I don’t want to get married?” You asked suddenly.

Jin glanced back at you, kicking in the water, not meeting his eyes. There was a glum set to your mouth. He decided not to reply, letting you answer yourself.

“It’s because as sweet as the institution sounds in itself, it’s also…binding, constricting. I’ve seen your mom and mine and they are happy, they love our dads but well…they don’t have anything to say for themselves. You know who does; Moonbyul, she’s happy single and she’s one of the most leading names in business. I don’t want to be trapped like that, at least not right now. It was never about you. It was about what I wanted for myself.”

Jin lowered his head. “Y/N, we’re not getting married. You don’t have to worry.”

He caught Y/N turn her head towards him quickly before looking away. “I…wow, thank you.”

“And even if we were,” Jin turned around to look earnestly up at you. “It would change nothing. I would never hold you back from what you want, ever. You know that. I would want you to go on out, talk some more, change the world, and I would gladly be in the audience watching you do that.”

Your lips twitched now, the shy smile that was ever so rare for you spreading across your face. You slowed your feet until the water stopped splashing up around Jin’s waist. There was still a gloomy air to you but now there was a resolute gleam in your eye, one he was very familiar with.

You looked at him. “You weren’t the only one, you know?”

“Hmm,” Jin frowned.

“With feelings,” You said bluntly. “You weren’t the only one.”

It took a few moments for your words to sink into Jin, sending his eyebrows flying up and jaw to fall slack. “You…” He took a deep breath, shivering just a little in the cold. “Why didn’t you say anything?” He managed weakly.

“Why didn’t you?”

“Of course I didn’t say anything.” Jin was getting frustrated. He was cold and now he was learning that the girl he’d been pining after for years felt something too but was still returning fire at him as if they were still in their teens, arguing about everything and anything under the sun.

“I was older than you. You were so popular at school with all these people hanging about you all the time. The only time we had together was when you would come in here or outside. After I graduated, there was nothing I could do or say. I didn’t want to put anything on you that you could do without.”

“So, age is basically the only thing you were worried about.”

Jin raised his head in outrage but you chuckled. “Because I thought the same; I was so young and you were so much more matured. There was no way you’d look at me like anything but the child your sister used to babysit.”

“But I never let it stop me,” You continued. “I mean, I knew you wanted me to succeed, I know that, so I took every chance I could get. I put myself out there, I posted pictures so you could see and be proud of me. Every like you left on all the photos was basically what was encouraging me.”

“So,” Jin felt as if he was boiling the water around him. The urge to reach up and pull you down to him was maddening, especially when you were saying everything that he had been dying to hear.

“I know you’re the best for me. You’re the reason I want to be the best of me. So, what I’m saying is that; yeah, I will marry you, Kim Seokjin. Just…not yet; give me at least till graduation.”

He did reach up then, curling cold hands around your face to pull you down till his face. It was easier, he was taller than you and the water - ironically – buoyed him up.

Your words disappeared in his mouth, a gust of hot breath sending goose bumps rising at the back of his neck. Jin dropped back down to his feet, with you leaning over him, your arms slowly sliding along his shoulder blades before winding around his neck.

You giggled against his lips when he pulled back. “Took you long enough,”

“Took you longer,” Jin argued.

“No, if you consider your age,”

“Shut up, Y/N,” Jin tugged you closer again, running his thumb over your bottom lip.

“Mm, you’re so bossy.”

“Now you know what I’ve been through all those years.”

“You’re right. Let’s just shut up.”

Jin gladly cut the banter short, your lips colliding against his harder this time. He opened his mouth, breathing in the scent of you, tasting you when you slid him your tongue.

You stayed there by the edge of the pool, your legs wrapped around his waist, holding him close as you released all the pent up frustration, accumulated for years.

When Jin pulled away from you, your eyes fluttered open, heavy lidded and chest heaving from the exertion. Your forehead dropped on his, clear about what you wanted. Jin twisted his mouth.

“Y/N,”

“What?”

“I don’t have a condom on me right now.” Jin admitted. He’d come for a swim. There had been no reason for him to be packing.

You hummed, brushing light kisses over his temple, down to his jaw. “Can you pull out?”

Cock twitching, Jin groaned, reaching down with one hand to rub along the pulsing length. You caught the action, grinning at him so willingly that he had to laugh at well.

“Ok,”

You untangled from him, springing up so he could clamber up behind you, following you when you flopped down on the futon in the gazebo.

“Wait, here?” Jin asked, standing over you.

“Where else; you want to wait till we get inside?” You reached up for his hand, pulling him in till he was hovering over you, one hand bracing his weight over your head and the other landing square on the crotch of your underwear.

The fabric was cool but he could feel the slick friction of your pussy, his fingers running over the cloth, rubbing against the nub till you were arching your back, hands gripping onto his wrist. Hair fell into Jin’s eyes, drying into chlorinated clumps and he had to shake his head to see you clearly, meeting your eye with a lascivious smile.

You parted your legs further, reaching back for the tie on your sports bra, pulling at the knots till the constricting material fell away, baring your chest to him, nipples peaking and jolting with each broken breath you drew.

Jin descended, swollen lips catching onto one peak and giving it a hard suck, pushing the crotch aside to sink in once long, crooked finger in your heat. Your moan had him grunting, pushing in further till the digit nestled in you up till the knuckle.

“Fuck,” You both gasped out at the same time, the feeling of your walls trapping the fingers, quivering at the intrusion, sending Jin’s cock nearly bursting the seams of his trunks. You tilted your head further to him, meeting his lips in a messy kiss as Jin gently began to thrust his finger, in and out, twisting as your slick coated your nether lips enough for him to squeeze in two.

He scissors his fingers, thumb circling your clit as you keened, soft mewls falling from your lips.

Your arms wrapped over his shoulders, your lips at his ear, hot breath wafting against his skin, “Want you inside of me, now.” You ordered and Jin complied all too happily.

Removing his fingers, he gripped at the hem of his short, tugging them off. The material clung to his skin, sticky from the pool water and now sweaty but he finally managed to kick it off, slipping the boy shorts down your legs till it hung from your ankle.

Running his slicked fist over his length he led himself to your entrance, eyes blown out as he slowly pushed into your hot, tight core. His head fell back, jaw falling to let out a loud groan that had you pushing your lips against his to muffle.

Your own whines and gasps were lost against his shoulder as he bent over you, nesting your head in the crook of his arm. His free hand grabbed hold of your leg, hitching it till it rested at the curve of his waist.

The first hard thrust had you both releasing expletives.

“You’re so big.” You almost accused as Jin parted from you to stare at the sight of his cock disappearing into your folds…again…and again…and again.

“You’re just too tight.” He gritted his teeth, the sight more erotic than he had prepared for and he gave you a helpless look. “I’m not going to last long.”

You shook your head, hands reaching up over your head for something hold. “Don’t worry; me neither.”

Jin twined your hands together, fingers grasping at each other as he quickened his pace, the angle at which he hit, allowing your clit to brush his pelvis in time with his thrusts.

Your orgasm hit you moments before his, making you curl up around him like a vice as he pulled out hurriedly, roughly jerking his hand to his cock but you sat up as well, wrapping your own softer hands around his shaft, twisting it at the base and tightening at the head.

Jin came in a gush, his release splashing over your hands, and some even hitting your exposed chest.

“Oh fuck,” Jin cursed, voice higher in embarrassment as he sought his shirt first, scrubbing out cum as best as he could from your skin.

“Oh god, relax.” You laughed, taking the shirt so you could wipe at your hands. Jin reached for his pants, sliding them on before fetching your dress, helping you slip it on. He surreptitiously snuck your shorts into his own pocket, hoping you wouldn’t notice.

“You’re staying the night, right?” He asked.

You shot him a teasing smile, arms winding around his neck so you could pull yourself onto your tiptoes. “Sure why not; I don’t suppose I can get in trouble for staying over at my fiancé’s house. Plus, I love morning sex.”

The last part was whispered in his ear, making him groan as he grabbed his discarded shirt, your hand patting his behind to get him to walk towards the house.

#smutcentralnet #btsbookclub #ficswithluv #jin smut #bts smut #seokjin smut #jin fanfic #bts fanfic #kim seokjin #seokjin #jin #jin x reader #bts x reader #bts scenarios #jin scenarios

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samgibbsmultiverse · 3 years

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Starting to texture the mansion

Now we have the base foundation of the mansion laid out we now need to go in and start to think about retexturing the mansion. Before I start work on retexturing the inside of the mansion I need to look at what sort of interiors mansions had in order to make my mansion look more realistic.

Looking at mansion interiors:

To look into interior designs of abandoned mansions I have just looked at images on google. The first image I have looked into and although it has no furniture. It gives me a really good idea and example of how the flooring and wallpaper is doing to look in the run down mansion. The wallpaper is all dirty and peeling away. The floor has random marks on them making them look worn out and old. You can even see that the ceiling is falling apart and peeling.

In this second image we get to have a better look as to what the furniture is like. As you can see the furniture is still the same as it would be when the mansion was first furnished. The furniture is fancy with intricate patterns.

Wallpaper designs:

Now of course in order to make the mansion feel like it was built a long time ago we need to go ahead and make the wallpaper fit the time zone for the mansion. For this I looked into a few old wallpaper designs. I had to bare in mind that due to it being used for the wallpaper in my game that it will deed to be a repeatable texture. The images I looked at below have the same patten but different colours. I personally prefer the white variation as I feel like it would be more similar to what the mansion would really have. It will also help to show age as you will be able to see discolouration more easily.

I then looked into this texture which has a worn out and ripped look to it. I find this to look really nice but not something I was looking for. This may be able to help me create my own texture though.

Adding in the walls and a temporary wallpaper:

However before I start thinking about making any sort of wallpaper texture I need to get my new wall models in. I will be using the wall models I made inside of may and importing them in. I then went and added white skirting to the top and bottoms of the wall to bring it together in order to add in more depth and dimension.Once I had all the walls in place I went and took some screenshots from different parts of the mansion to show how they looked.

This one was taken upstairs near the stairs:

This one was taken on the top floor near the back of the floor. Of course I removed all interior walls for now but they will be placed back soon.

This is a shot from downstairs near the stairs:

Making my own wallpaper part 1:

Now I have decided to start working on making my own wallpaper. Of course I am trying to make the worn out wallpaper first. For this I first tried to combine 2 images which consisted of the image below and the white swirled wallpaper pattern from previously.

This is the result I made and in all honesty I hated it. It didn't turn out how I thought it would. I really hate how pixilated and unrealistic this has turned out. I also tried it on a wall and due to the rips being around the edge of the edge of the image it meant that the pattern is not repeatable. This meant it didn't work as a wall texture.

Making my own wallpaper part 2:

I decided to have a second attempt at making a wallpaper for my game. For this I found a different tear patten which might work better as it shouldn't affect the repeatable pattern of the design. So I tried this with the white swirl pattern from before.

Here is the outcome and it came out a lot better than the first one. However it isn't perfect as I would like it a little less pixelated. I also don't think I can use the swirl design due to it being copyrighted. I hope to find a design which I can use.

Making my own wallpaper part 3:

This is the third attempt of me making a wallpaper design. I have decided to use the tear design from before but have found a different wallpaper design. I prefer this wallpaper design as it is a lot more simplistic.

Once I put the images together I managed to make this design. It is really nice and repeatable as well as fits the old and worn out sort of design I was going for. I tried this on a wall and it turned out much better than the other wallpapers I have made.

Wallpaper attribution:

For me to be able to use the wallpaper photo I found I need to give attribution. Here is the link as to where I got it from. I will of course need to add this onto my itch.io page when I upload any screenshots of the interior as well as when I upload the game.

"https://www.freepik.com/vectors/background">Background vector created by GarryKillian - www.freepik.com

Depixalate image:

One problem I have had during making my wallpapers was them being too pixalated. I decided to google how to make them less pixalated and this is the tutorial that I found .In the first image we need to go to the filter tab inside of photoshop and scroll down to Noise. In here we then need to select reduce noise.

In this setting we need to out the strength to full, preserve details to 0%, reduce colour noise to 0% and put sharpen details to 100%.We also need to tick remove JPEG artifact.

Wallpaper comparisons:

Here is a comparison of the 2 different wallpapers I made. I definitely prefer the one on the left. It fits the style more and looks more realistic which is what I am trying to go for in this game.

Here is another comparison of the same wallpaper but with the designs being smaller. I honestly cant tell which one I prefer. I will have to think about which one is better and more accurate to what they would of had. I feel like the smaller design will be better but it may need to just be a tad bit bigger so you can see the patten a bit better.

Final Results:

Summary:

In summary I think that the texturing of the walls went really well and I am very pleased with the design. I think it matches really well and it is also really easy to have access to the wall texture from my modern dimension as I already have the image I wish to use. Although I still need to go ahead and add in the windows as well as interior walls I feel like these will be quick to put in place. I am happy with how this has turned out and how it has progressed.

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adamwatchesmovies · 5 years

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Leprechaun 4: In Space (1997)

Pray you never live to see Leprechaun 4: In Space. Yes, the only warning it needed is right there, in the title. It dares you to watch it and once seen, no amount of complaining will ever make you feel any better... but that won’t stop me from trying.

Once again, the plot ignores all previous entries and the rules are about as consistent as a game of Calvin Ball. The Leprechaun (Warwick Davis) has kidnapped space princess Zarina (Rebekah Carlton) and intends to marry her in order to become king of her home planet. Before any vows can be exchanged soldiers rescue her and the Leprechaun is apparently killed, but he won't give her up that easily.

There is absolutely nothing good about Leprechaun 4: In Space. You think I’m trying to be funny or hyperbolic, but I mean it. Let’s begin with the plot, which makes absolutely no sense. It’s like someone found a terrible ripoff of Aliens and did a “find-replace” to take out all instances of “Alien” and insert “Leprechaun” instead. It’s astonishingly, inhumanely poorly written. A character pissing on a corpse is a plot point! How some executive managed to sit through this escapee from hell and green-lit it, I’ll never know. Even if the production was top-notch, It’s so dull you'll struggle to stay awake.

The titular monster isn’t remotely appealing. He never rhymes in the way he kinda did in the previous film and repeats the same “jokes” over and over. The humans are pathetic as well. Most of them are meathead military mercenaries waiting to be killed, with a couple of visual quirks given to some to help the editor remember the order in which the deaths were supposed to happen. Don’t expect anything awesome when it comes to their demises, however. This is a zero-budget picture that can't afford to show anything. As a cherry on top of the toilet fudge sundae are a bunch of developments that come out of nowhere towards the end and a conclusion so abrupt I was certain there was going to be a stinger at the end of the credits.

The film steals liberally (sometimes for would-be comedic effect) from countless better films. Alien and Aliens obviously, but also The Fly, Star Wars and The Wizard of Oz. This horror comedy is never funny, not even in a “so bad it’s good kind of way”. It’s juvenile stuff, like pointless nudity or ample jokes revolving around male anatomy. Warwick Davis embarrasses himself by giving a bunch of bad impressions and we even have some cross-dressing thrown in. At times, it gets so bad you're left confused. Is the fact that we’ve got an evil German Cyborg named Dr. Mittenhand (played by Guy Siner in some shots, by an unconvincing puppet in others) supposed to be comical, or is it a coincidence that his name sounds like it was meant for a kitten?

If I had to single out "the worst thing", It'd be the special effects. It’s not only that they’re bad, but they’re continuously bad in a wide variety of ways. If it isn’t a cave that looks like it was made from the contents of a full kitty litter bin, it’s the same three sets used over and over. It’s shots of asteroids that are just the same CG rock copied and pasted, continuous shots of a space shuttle that looks like it belongs in one of those infamous FMV games, which then cut to sets that are clearly cobbled together from easily available props. There’s a window that is clearly just a black sheet of cloth with some sparkly circles glued to it and the Leprechaun's treasure looks like it came from a dollar store. I counted at least 3 establishing shots that were actually still photos from a set that none of the actors or camera people had any access to. It’s like someone did a web search for “space station” and used the results to fill in some of the missing footage! The composite shots are weak and in more than one instance, characters or objects looked pixilated. Don’t even get me started on that conclusion. I’ve seen more convincing effects on YouTube.

With a title like Leprechaun 4: In Space I hoped for a new “so bad it’s good” classic. It isn't. How could someone have made a film this abysmal and how can it be widely available for everyone to see? Director Brian Trenchard-Smith must either be the bravest or most delusional man on Earth to have allowed his name to be listed in the credits of this cinematic atrocity.

I wouldn’t wish the experience I had watching Leprechaun 4 onto anyone. It's one of the worst films I've ever seen... and there are still more movies in the series to watch! (On DVD, June 23, 2015)

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jasminwalsh-blog1 · 5 years

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Little Girls, Big Boobs

A self evaluation of my Graphic Design project on female representation. 2017.

My project was an investigation into the way that the media portrays women and girls of every denomination, specifically focusing on film, television, and magazines as sources for criticism. I wanted to draw particular attention to the ways in which these representations affect young teenage girls as I believe that it is at this stage in a girl’s life that they are most impressionable, most vulnerable, and most susceptible to the unrealistic expectations that major media forms encourage them to place on themselves. As a feminist, I take issue with a lot of the representations of women that are fed to young girls on a daily basis. When models who work tirelessly to be skinny and conventionally attractive are covered in make up for photo shoots in carefully lit studios, for the photos to then be altered and manipulated, the versions of these women that are released to the public often show an image of perfection that is unattainable. Girls quickly compare themselves to these images, judging themselves as too fat or too flawed, and in extreme cases these girls can resort to unhealthy measures in an attempt to achieve excellence. My project was an attempt to address these issues in an engaging way, and to redress the distorted way in which femininity is presented in the media.

Whilst I wanted my final piece to be accessible to anyone as it regards a serious issue that I feel everyone should be aware of, I decided to create three double page spreads for a magazine with a female audience. By catering to an adult demographic, rather than directly addressing the group of people that I was specifically concerned with, I hoped to raise awareness of the issue of misrepresentation. Appealing to a more mature audience was an attempt to get the topic taking more seriously, highlighting the importance of acknowledging these issues, meaning readers can help the next generation of women realise their own beauty, rather than obsessing over the heavily edited images that fill our surroundings.

I found the work of David Shrigley and Michel Canetti particularly inspirational during my project as although they have very different styles, they both were very effective and I wanted to translate their impact into my work.

The untitled drawing by Shrigley clearly shows his hand-made, plop almost messy style. Shrigley uses a plain white background for his simple black line drawing, contrasting the unsteady lines of the figure with the straight lines showing the corner of the room and underlining the lettering. This technique particularly inspired my article entitled ‘Distorted’ with the hand drawn figure presenting a rudimentary example of what is supposedly the perfect body image. However, by over exaggerating some features and applying the line drawing style, I hoped that the image would be interpreted as satirical as whilst supposedly perfect in the figure’s weight and proportions, they are flawed and overly simplistic in their drawn style.

The work of Michel Canetti was also influential in my final piece as I had already noted that a lot of fashion illustrators use watercolours in their work, and because I think the fashion industry has a big role to play in the way that young girls view themselves and form their ideas of ‘perfection’, I wanted to apply this same technique in order to strengthen the link between the industry and the issues I was trying to bring to light. Canetti primarily uses black watercolour pain in his work, with the use of one other colour. I really like this technique as I think it can be used to draw the eye to a particular piece of anatomy, such as the lips as seen in the portrait of Marie-Therese. I used watercolours in my ‘Skinny?’ article spread and included a small portrait for which I used black water colours and attempted a style similar to Michel Canetti and Louis Jover. Rather than including a small amount of colour in the portrait, however, I decided to do a gradient wash for the background to add the colour element.

I was quite happy with my final piece as I think each article spread has a nice design and are appropriately simple, meaning the viewer would not get overwhelmed by the amount on the page, which may discourage them from reading the actual article and therefore not really take in the message that I was trying to convey. I looked at the way in which magazines aimed at younger girls were constructed and believe that my designs would be much more attractive to an adult audience, as initially intended. I think by keeping the text minimal on the ‘Bare Faced’ and ‘Skinny?’ double page spreads I would be able to hold the audience’s attention and encourage them to focus on the message, with soft, simple imagery enhancing, rather than distracting, from the reading. I would still make a few alterations to the ‘Distortion’ as I felt the design was slightly too empty.

I liked the use of colour throughout as the warm tone given to the ‘Bare Faced’ piece contrasts with the image of the face, which is slightly inhuman and designed to make the viewer slightly uncomfortable. The use of reverse out with the text also makes it stand out as it is the brightest object on the page, meaning it will draw the eye and make the viewer more likely to read it and pay attention to its message. I also thought that by keeping the ‘Distorted’ article in monochrome, with the exception for a small paint mark obscuring part of the line drawing if the figure, was particularly effective. The paint mark was a red which I enhanced in Photoshop to make it stand out even more against the white background. The colour has obvious powerful and violent connotations, symbolising the danger of the impact of false representations of femininity within the media and add a sense of urgency to my message. The ‘Skinny?’ article uses a lot more pastel type colours, primarily the cyan and pink which also have the associations of gender. This softer look would avoid the idea of feminism as a movement full of angry women who hate men, which is far from the reality as it is just a group of people looking for equality, and one of the issues that needs to be addressed is the way that models are compared presented, and how this can give girls unrealistic expectations for the type of body they feel they should grow up to have.

The main issues I found were in ensuring the pieces of work were of the top quality. The image that I used as the background on the ‘Bare Faced’ article was not a high enough quality and so came out slightly pixelated. In order to resolve this, I put a filter on the photo which blurred the sharper edges and made the pixilation a lot less noticeable, it almost added to the almost oneiric effect of the photograph. I also feel as though my final spreads did not have the level of cohesion that I wanted; they could just as easily have come from three separate magazines as opposed to a singular one. In order to rectify this, I could have a more consistent colour pallet, but I do like the colours that I used and I think I did allow for a certain amount of unity within my piece as I used the same font and same sized type for the article text and headline. I think I could have done more development and experimentation before the production of my final piece in order to enhance my final designs, but I am still quite happy with the work I produced.

In this project I had a little opportunity to experiment with using a needle and thread, I quite liked the effect it made and so if I can find an opportunity to use this technique again in my next project I will. I also really enjoyed line drawing and so will try to do more illustrative work in the future. This project also allowed me to advance my skills in programmes such as Photoshop and InDesign as I used Photoshop for a lot of editing my imagery, and my final piece was produced in InDesign. I am sure that these skills will benefit me in the future and I look forward to gaining more experience with them, as well as using all the development I made in all areas to feed into the next project.

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nanyoky · 6 years

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hey gang guess who’s sick in bed and therefore not drinking but is definitely getting Fever Weird which is the next best thing really

No it’s not i’m sick as a dog and fucking miserable and probably not going to be as much fun as usual, full disclosure. Instead of sushi and cider like my usual wednesdays, i’m having tang and saltines so.... cheers.

also i want you all to know there were no working links so i had to wait for the official cw stream to go up like a pauper come on team it’s 2018 we’re better than this

mayor mac and the lodges are still in cahoots and now v knows why but you know who doesn’t yet? ME THAT’S WHO

oh wow so that’s penelope’s deal now

this is- in a darkly hilarious way- the photo negative of season one keller boys “no cruising guys today kiddo” “good GAWD dad”. “i may be a widow but i can still fucking PULL” “good GAWD mom”

i should not be laughing but oh my god CHERYL’S FACE jesus h christ

it’s veronica’s job to keep next gen riverdale chill “when the news breaks” ruh-roh

did archie say he’s going to start a band “of redheads”? so just- him on guitar and cheryl screaming into the mic like a kraken? that’s the only possibility i can envision

“are you upset?” “upset? ronnie, i’m crazy about you” that is a suburban white mom level of non-answer, archie- stop hanging out with alice cooper

RED ALERT KEVIN READS CLIVE BARKER NOVELS AND MY LOVE FOR HIM GROWS EVEN MORE

awkward betty and archie eye contact is almost as obvious as veronica’s stilted forced “we should probably all stay calm....” to the room at large

((the saltines went over pretty well so i think i’mma try some chicken nuggest pray for me team))

“my home is a dickensian nightmare- i won’t have my school turn into one too!” there is just... so much here. short version: cheryl’s origin story is that of the classic highschool bully: not in control of her home life, so enacts violent control over her school. in this way she has not changed. also jesus christ she’s so fucking dramatic i love her like this is in any way her problem but she’s automatically FURIOUS about it. but also just: wow cheryl hates poor people.

“of course. we’re fine.” kevin’s skeptical face (tm) is mint. top shelf. the good shit.

“jones- this is very lovecraftian, which i’m sure was the intention.” toni has jughead Figured Out, and i’m not sure he’s comfortable with that.

*jake peralta voice* toni- first off your insinuating voice is way too high you sound like meryl streep in mama mia

oh my god sweetpea and fangs are just so dumb. so pretty and so dumb. just because you two wear leather jackets and flannel doesn’t mean you’re not dumb jocks. i’m calling it: sweetpea/reggie. can you imagine the angry makeouts???? so much angry repressed sexuality.

toni’s face of “oh god why are you morons celebrating” is some of the best we’ve seen of her so far my hopes are high for next gen serpent characterization with this plotline

WHAT DOES HIRAM NEED ALL THIS LAND FOR?!?!?!?!?!

POLLY MY GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh wow yeah actress must have gotten a better gig or something and is only available for a cameo or two if a show as drama loving as RIVERDALE is keeping the birth of twins offscreen

THE LEADERS OF THE FARM?????? NO. NO. UNACCEPTABLE.

“juniper and dagwood” *betty face*

also yes polly you are in a cult get your babies and LEAVE. go hang out with smithers and joaquin whom i command are safe and happy and healthy wherever they are

“that’s mine by the way” FUCKIN COLD.

FINALLY someone other than the sheriff’s office is getting involved in how fucking SHADY this “small” town is

“is this even legal, what you’re asking me to do?” SMART, REASONABLE ARCHIE IS HERE TO STAY I LOVE SMART, REASONABLE ARCHIE WHO HAS LEARNED NOT TO JUST ACCEPT EVERYTHING ADULTS TELL HIM AT FACE VALUE

oh nevermind one seed of doubt and he’s back. poor boy. sweet boy. dumb boy.

oh nooooo freddddd

fp in his adorkable pop’s uniform smugly nudging about betty is a great moment everyone deserves an in-law that loves them like fp loves betty

please tell me “doctor beeker” is their actual science teacher’s name

we all know that finding the lost cooper brother is going to do ANYTHING but make alice a happier, more stable person right this is not going to end well

i mean even if he wasn’t a minor and using him to get information from a dangerous criminal was a profoundly shitty thing to do, the fbi could have picked literally anyone in town that would have been a better double agent because this is.... not a subtle conversation.

GREAT SONG CHOICE FOR THE SERPENTS’ INTRO TO RHS ((my mom had a tape with this song on it that she’d play to get me pumped for kindergarten))

okay i’m only going to say this once and then probably once more in the scorecard but: how much better would this mixed school plot have been if JOAQUIN WAS STILL IN TOWN?!?!?! the joy and comedy if he and kevin got back together?? the ANGST IF THEY DIDN’T?!?!?!?!?! i am CHEATED. LAID LOW. BITCHSLAPPED.

THAT BEING SAID: this is so good already. serpents swaggering in. veronica’s stepford forced cheer. cheryl and reggie STRUTTING to create conflict.

toni’s face upon gazing at cheryl once more is just so very gay. angry gay. furious that she has to see those mile long legs again.

“no one invited facist barbie to the party” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "ragamuffins” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh archie. so pure. so ineffective. as always.

did jughead just sidehug sweetpea away from conflict are they there now

i haven’t been paying enough attention to outfits so far but the placement of cheryl’s iconic spider broach not over her heart like a normal broach, but ON HER SHOULDER LIKE IT’S CRAWLING was a topnotch choice by wardrobe

again this is some classic response to sexual assault in the category of “well that’s unfortunate” until it’s about someone close to you come on archie you’re better than this.

which of course reinforces cheryl’s “me against the world” attitude because NO ONE SEEMS TO FUCKING CARE that she was attacked except veronica and the cats

“of the park avenue lodges” juggie. not helping. although i’d like to think jughead has mentioned veronica enough that toni knows this is just mild teasing between unlikely friends

josie’s awkward “now just... josie...” BROKE MY HEART

“joaquin and i used to hang out. talked about you all the time” OF COURSE HE FUCKING DID THAT POOR BOY WAS *ELIZA SCHUYLER VOICE* HELPLLLLLEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS. also i’m so happy joaquin has FRIENDS that hopefully still keep in touch please just someone check on him i miss my gay biker leo

godfuckingdammit reggie

“no more serpent jackets” okay- okay- i really need to ask the writers to go to a real high school just once. once. in what world would they have not made this a rule already???? i got in trouble in middleschool for wearing a bandana okay and i was a weird horse girl and LOOKED IT.

is josie hanging out with the core four+kevin because cheryl’s weirdness was scaring her off and the cats have cut all ties? has she lost her entire support network??? i’m worried about alpha kitty guys include her in stuff

jughead is #worked up and toni is having none of it thank god for toni

“i just need to borrow one of jason’s blazers” thank GOD they haven’t abandoned creepy ties between jason and archie. please someone share my half baked conspiracy theory that they were switched at birth and archie is the real blossom twin

juggie. i love you. i genuinely do. but you are being a prime fucking asshole right now.

i was rolling my eyes so hard at jughead’s bullshit i almost missed sweetpea’s turtleneck which would have been a TRAGEDY

this separation between jughead’s attitude and the rest of the serpents is finally bringing to light what has bothered me about his plot this season so far. he’s so fucking desperate to fit into his role as the heir apparent to the gang but he doesn’t actually know shit about being in a gang and being in danger all the time. for all he grew up poor his has this really privileged attitude and i can’t wait for toni and co. to just tell him to sit down and shut up because believe it or not his actions have consequences

OH MY GOD VERONICA’S SOLUTION IS MAKEOVERS BECAUSE OF COURSE IT IS

i was going to say “what they didn’t call ahead???” but of course not. cooper women do not call ahead

i mean we all knew this wasn’t going to go well and i think a lot of us thought it might be a possibility but...... umm.... heavens.... golly.... that.... that uh... looks like.... ayoungblondskeetulrich. .....jinkies.

oh god why do we have two prostitution plotlines in one episode why why is this a thing in riverdale now

on a lighter note they are hitting into my nostalgia funny bone hard this ep with the game in the whyte wurm being mortal combat ii it’s been years since i’ve gazed on those pixilated icons of my childhood

fp giving you advice on doing the smart thing instead of your kneejerk reaction to a shit situation is a real lowpoint i hope you realize that juggie

again, as heavy as it is, i’m glad they don’t shy away from the dreaded “R” bomb with this nick plotline. like characters seem hesitant to say it in a realistic way, but they do use it which keeps it from feeling like the creators trying to write around controversy

i like that they’re acknowledging it’s pretty shitty of archie to not care until it’s about veronica it feels like brewing #character development

BAHAHAHA TONI AND SWEETPEA LOOK ADORABLY HORRIBLE THIS PLOTLINE IS BLESSED

I mean don’t get me wrong, i love seeing nick get beat up as much as anyone else, but archie should have def talked to veronica before all that and she’s right to be upset

yess betty goin to rescue her bro and showing up in the suspiciously convenient nick of time i love it

archie being a good boy and clearing the air about the kiss before things get out of hand but also.... not mentioning the fbi agent after her dad is such a very riverdale thing to do

omg they’re making a d&d cover group i lied i’m bringing it up again HOW DARE THEY NOT HAVE JOAQUIN HERE FOR THIS WHEN HIS BOYFRIEND IS A CERTIFIED D&D NERD CAN YOU FUCKING IMAGINE THE BANTER

BLOSSOMS JESUS H CHRIST

god this poor lost cooper boy this is the most awkward situation ever because you know alice and hal are not going to handle this well and you know betty is going to try too hard to make it work and you know chic is probably involved in some stuff that will be Plot (tm) later on and this is just A Lot

archie.....

chic..... (we’re supposed to find this threatening, but psych, chic is noticing all the suspiciously different features they have almost like they might be half siblings instead of full siblings.....)

Episode Scorecard:

# of Sick Beat Drop Editing Sequences: None

Do I Still Miss Joaquin: Do i have to fucking elaborate YES okay goddammit someone better be working on a “joaquin never left” au to fit in with this serpents at rhs plot as we speak or i will be MOST CROSS.

Episode Hair MVP: Toni’s was looking particularly nice today

Episode Outfit MVP: sweetpea’s turtleneck. hands down. but with a close second being the placement of cheryl’s spider.

Episode Cast/Crew Shoutout: soundtrack was better than it has been this season- good choices there.

#nell liveblogs #long post #unsubtle highschool suburban gothic of my dreams #riverdale #riverdale season 2 #riverdale spoilers

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burningdesireforchocolate · 7 years

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An explosion of hope

A/N: When all you think is bombs,explosions,pixilated photos and our lovely couple this comes out. Enjoy!

Leon disoriented opened his eyes. Why was he lying on the ground? What has happened? His head and ears ached, all he could hear was white noise. The air was filled with smoke and the choppery smell of blood, making breathing difficult. There must have been a bomb explosion. With great effort he managed to sit up checking himself for injuries. His coat was ripped off on his right side, his arm bleeding but it was just scratched. He scanned the area around him. Bodies were scattered everywhere, people running around them in panic. He turned to his soldiers some of them heavily injured,other less so and yelled at them -at least he thought he did, he still couldn’t hear his voice- to go help everyone. Why were they here? His headache was getting worse but he struggled to remember how they have ended up at the promenade. They had left General Cevdet at the headquarters and he had ordered them to return to watch over the meeting. THE MEETING! Hilal’s name left his lips in a panic whisper as he hurriedly stood up trying not to lose his balance as he run on shaky legs towards the place he last saw her.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. She was supposed to be safe now. Away from him maybe, but safe. Wasn’t this the reason why he had decided to pull away even if lying to her killed him? She was trusting too much in his need to protect her, she had started to be reckless. What if something happened and he couldn’t do anything? How would he survive if something happened to her? He had to force her to have a better restraint on her actions. But obviously someone had other ideas because he was again face to face with losing her.

His sense of hearing was coming back, yells and screams and cries everywhere and for a second he wished he was still deaf. He felt his stomach turn at the sight of cut off limbs everywhere.Who could be so sick to put a bomb in the middle of a crowd of people? When he reached the front of the platform he saw General Cevdet calling out to his wife to wake up as he was picking her up. When he noticed him he looked him up and down asking him with his look if he was okay. "I’m fine General. Just some scratches.“ Leon thought he saw him nodding his head in relief. "Find my mother and my daughters Lieutenant. You’re responsible to make sure they are safe and taken care of" he ordered him and then left immediately getting into a carriage, obviously taking Azize hanım to the hospital, leaving Leon nodding behind his back.

He was looking everywhere, calling out her name when he noticed Yıldız with Hasibe hanım on the side of the road, Yıldız trying to hold her grandmother from collapsing. He run straight to them asking if they were okay, hoping Hilal would be with them. But his hopes died fast. "Lieutenant, we are fine, my grandmother wasn’t feeling well so we left the meeting a few minutes before the explosion. When we reached here everything was covered in smoke. We can’t find my mother or my sister. Have you seen them?" As he was about to answer Ali Kemal appeared from the corner, noticing them immediately. "Yıldız, babaanne what happened? Are you okay? Hilal, mom? Where are they?" he rained them with questions as he was hugging them tightly. "We were asking the Lieutenant the same thing because we can’t find them" Yıldız answered pointing at him. Ali Kemal turned to him, taking in his disheveled appearance but saying nothing. Leon ignored him and told them that the General had taken their mother to the hospital and that he had no information yet about their sister. "General Cevdet left me with orders to find all of you and make sure you are safe. You should get home while I search for your sister. It’s not a safe place to stay here" he finished. Ali Kemal wanted to stay and search as well but Hasibe hanım was getting worse and they were forced to go, leaving him alone in his agony.

Where was she? He started walking between the injured, helping as much as he could in the way when he noticed her peach-colored scarf. He run to her,praying to God she was alive and well. His heart squeezed at the sight of her. She was conscious,struggling to sit up but her arms were too weak to hold her. Something was causing her pain because an expression of anguish was covering her scratched up face. He called out for her again but there’s was no reaction.indicating that she probably couldn’t hear him. Very carefully not to scare her, he bent down next to her and lightly touched her shoulder. With a start she turned her head to him. She was in shock, her beautiful eyes bigger than usual were looking at him in distress, asking questions he didn’t have the answers yet. "Can you hear me?" he asked her calmly, his eyes never leaving hers, his fingers twitching with the need to touch her and make sure she was okay. She nodded her head, her eyes filling with tears as she started taking in the view around her. "Are you hurt?" She was staring with an empty look at the family next to her, the mother crying over the body of her dead child,the father next to them with a big piece of glass coming out of his stomach, not really paying any attention to him. He was growing worried and impatient. What if she had a head injury. "Hilal!" he said a little louder trying to get her attention. It worked because she slowly turned back at him, looking at his face like she has never seen him before. "Hilal please look at me, focus on my face, don’t look around" She nodded in agreement and he continued "Are you in pain? Do you hurt somewhere" She thought for a while and then she pulled her coat to the side to reveal her left leg "My..my leg hurts" It was covered in blood, a big gushing wound on the side of her calf. He looked in her eyes getting permission to get closer and examine it. It was deep but wasn’t looking too serious. They just needed something to cover it before taking her to the hospital for some stitches. "What happened?" he heard her whisper then. "There was an explosion. Someone must have put a bomb to sabotage the meeting" He saw the minute realisation dawned on her. "My…my family! Where are they? Leon.." she burst into tears, her sobs getting worse with every second that passed unanswered. He tenderly took hold of her shoulders making her look at him. "They are fine Hilal. Your sister is with your brother and your grandmother on their way home. Your father took your mother to the hospital but I’m sure she will be okay. Please try to calm down your breathing now" he finished, whispering the last sentence to her, his face centimeters away from her face, his hot breath caressing hers. When he felt her relaxing he let go of her, standing up and putting a much needed space between them. He was losing himself in her again.

Hilal felt a chill run through her with the loss of his warmth. He was pulling away from her. She still couldn’t give a meaning to his words and actions. He had gone to great lengths to make sure she would be safe, giving her a sense of security that if she had to be honest with herself, hadn’t felt since her father had left 7 years ago. He had made her feel special, he had kissed her…but then he went and said those things..things she never expected to hear from him, making her doubt everything again. How could he have called her a turkish rebel girl? Was she just that to him? He had made her feel so much more than that. "I was supposed to be ‘Hilal’ to him” she thought with a sigh. She took a minute to study him. He was covered in dust, his hair more disheveled than she had ever seen it hiding a small scrape over his left eyebrow. His right arm was grazed from wrist to shoulder but there wasn’t much blood coming out. Apart from these she didn’t notice any other wound on him. He was looking good. She breathed out,not realising she was holding her breath all this time. "Are you okay?“ she asked him,wanting to make sure. He looked at her with a shy smile, shrugging "If you ask physically then yes, it’s just some scratches and bruises. But all these.." he said pointing with his hand around them "I don’t think I will be able to ever forget it. And the fear that something happened to.." he cut his words suddenly shaking his head resigned. There was no point in telling her. She didn’t feel the same way. He turned to her and he thought he saw a hopeful look on her face but as usual he was probably seeing things that weren’t there. "Who could have done this massacre?" he heard her ask, her voice full of rage. "I don’t know. But we will definitely not let this pass unpunished" he responded definitively. Hilal was pleased with that answer. "Can you help me stand up? I need to help all these people" she asked then, extending her hand out for him to pull her up. He stared at her hand for a long full minute before shaking his head, bending down to her again. "First, we need to tie up your wound. And second, after we do that I will get you to the hospital" he said in a tone that meant he wasn’t leaving her any choice. But Hilal wouldn’t be the Hilal he loved if she didn’t talk back to him. "First, yes you are right, that wound needs to get taken care of now. And second, I won’t go anywhere if there are people here needing my help. Is that understood Lieutenant?" He felt that moment he wanted to laugh with joy. She would be fine. Her temper and stubbornness has already come back full force.

Hilal was taken aback by the sudden warmth in his look, her heart squeezing in her chest. Had he hit his head during the explosion? What did she say that had him so happy? She was ready to question him when she saw him ripping out the sleeve from his already ripped shirt and taking hold of her leg. His fingers were touching her so delicately she could barely feel them. "I won’t break" she told him encouraging him to go on. But his touch didn’t change. His slender fingers,shaking a little, did a fast work wrapping the cloth around her wound, tying it tightly and making her squirm a little in pain. He looked at her immediately like he felt it too with an apologizing expression. Maybe she was reading into things but she could swear he was apologizing for more than the pain he caused her while covering her wound. But again maybe she was mistaken. "You are good at this" she noted surprised, pointing at the dressing of her wound. She could swear she saw him blushing. "We do have some medical training in the military. But my dressing is definitely not as good as yours" he finished looking her straight in the eyes and making her breath catch in her throat. Flashbacks of that day started coming to her in rapid succession and this time she was the one blushing. She had no idea how to respond to that and maybe he sensed it because continued talking, saving her from this torture. "Do you think you can stand up now?" he said offering both his hands for her to grab. She nodded her head and with no hesitation held his hands and tried to stand but her leg was giving out. She felt his hands pulling away and she grabbed on them even more tightly, probably too tightly because he winced. "Don’t go..I can do this. Just give me a minute." He smiled at her, bending down to her level. "I know you can but I have a better idea how to help you stand up. So if you could give me my hands back.." he looked at her with humor in his eyes making her cheeks flame up again. She couldn’t look at him. She let his hands go faster than humanly possible and she thought she heared a small laugh escape him. "Hilal" he called to her, forcing her to meet his eyes. "You will have to hold onto me" he said and she gave him a quizzical look. "Just put your arms around my neck. I’m going to pick you up." She was just starring at him, giving no reaction so he nodded to her encouragingly. "Come on Hilal. For once do as you are told" He came closer to her, his familiar scent enveloping her and she didn’t think more about it. She wrapped her arms around his neck while he put one hand on her back, the other injured one under her knees and picked her up. "Won’t your arm hurt this way?" she asked worriedly. He shook his head smiling at her. "It won’t" She relaxed in his arms, putting her head on his shoulder, basking in the feel of him, as he was taking her to the side of the street.

When they reached the sidewalk she turned her eyes up to him while at the same time he gazed down at her. And they just stared into each other eyes, saying nothing, feeling peaceful in the silence between them despite the chaos around them, thanking God they both were safe. "I’m going to have to put you down, you know" he whispered dejectedly at her. "I know" she sighed back. They each took one last deep breath of the other before Leon bent down to put her legs slowly on the ground. He stood back up at the same rhythm, his fingers ever so slightly going up her body till they stopped at her sides, her hands going from the nape of his neck to hold onto the shoulder straps of his uniform. Their bodies have never been so close before. His arms that held her were tender yet strong. The feel of his body soothed her more than she expected, the warmth of his embrace taking her back to another day and another embrace they had shared. It was enough for the dam of tears to burst open and soon Leon felt Hilal’s body trembling from sobs between his arms. Without hesitation he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her even closer if that was possible, gently rubbing her arm. She squeezed him back, hiding her face between his open coat, placing her head over his heart that was beating like crazy,her tears soaking up his shirt. He rested his chin on her head, taking in her fruity scent, feeling his own eyes filling with tears. And they cried together, they cried for today, for tomorrow, they cried for each other and for what they couldn’t have. They held each other till both of them felt ready to face the cruel reality again. Hilal let go of his coat, wiping the tears off her face, not looking at him. He understood her. In silence he helped her stand on her own, his heart squeezing with every step she took wincing in pain.

"Do you still insist on staying here to help? Don’t you want me to take you to the hospital? Maybe you will be able to see your mother." he offered calmly, yet knowing deep down he wouldn’t change her mind. She looked at him with worry but shook her head. "I’ll stay here. My mother would want me to stay here too. Look around, no one has come from the hospital yet. These people need someone to look after them. But you should go. I will be alright" He shook his head in exasperation "I’m not leaving you here. I’ll stay to help too. You said it yourself I’m good at dressings." Even though his response pleased her, she didn’t want to impose. "You don’t have to do that.You should go to the hospital to take care of your wounds. And I’m sure they are needing you back at the headquarters." His fingers ever so softly caressed hers. "I want to stay and help" he told her in a calm, even whisper, looking into her deep blue eyes to make sure she understood what he meant. She did because she gazed back with a content expression, her features smoothing out, the tension leaving her face. He smiled at her broadly "And anyway your father would have my head on a plate if I left you here alone" he told her in a cheerful tone, wanting to lighten the air around them. She peered at him curiously and he explained to her that he had left him with orders to make sure everyone of them was safe and sound. He wasn’t sure if she was aware of it but her whole face immediately lit up, a hint of a smile making a shy appearance. Oh he knew all to well what she was feeling. "Will you help me go to that group of people there? I think I can manage after that.” He nodded and she took hold of his arm till they reached them. He left her there and went to find himself others in need of medical attention, giving orders to a couple of soldiers that were around to go find out why no one from the hospital wasn’t there yet.

He was trying to dress a wound on a little girl’s arm, trying to hold the bleeding at bay when he caught with the corner of his eye Hilal looking at him. He was checking at her constantly and so far she had been focused on taking care of as many people as possible. Other nurses had finally come and with the help of the soldiers they were taking one by one everyone to the hospital. But Hilal still didn’t want to leave. He turned to look at her and she didn’t avert her eyes but instead looked straight into his, smiling at him. The sun was lighting her angelic face and something inside him started chirping. Hope he thought. There was still hope!

#vatanım sensin #hileon #hilal x leon #hilal #leon #leonidas #boran kuzum #miray daner #wounded love #vatanim sensin #mine

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rompstompchomp · 4 years

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Rules

1. No godmodding. I will ask before my muses do anything to yours.

2. I’ll be making starter calls, reblogging starter memes and IMing/sending asks to muns about plotting. I’ll also try to take advantage of those provided by other muns. However, when you choose to follow me, there may be situations where I don’t know how to approach you immediately or your muses may not immediately interest me. In those cases, it’s your responsibility to take advantage of my IM, ask box, starter calls, and starter memes. I don’t mind muns and other people reading my threads, but it’s frustrating when I see RP blogs sit there in my followers section for weeks or longer before unfollowing without a single word. In general, I will let muns know if I don’t think things are working out and I would hope they’ll offer me the same courtesy.

3. No smut with minors. In general, I doubt they’ll be much smut with adult muns. Any relationships with my muses in human form will need a lot of chemistry for that. Good luck trying seduce and/or romance man-eating giant monsters in the main verse.

4. Porn spam blogs and anon hate will be deleted as soon as I find them. RP blogs with NSFW posts/reblogs will be tolerated so long as they are not photos or videos of real people engaged in legitimate illegal activities (i.e. Not actors in films scenes).

5. In general, anyone is welcome to ask about my muses, game lore, headcanons, etc. However, as this is a sideblog, I cannot follow anyone back and generally try to stick to RP blogs and those blogs that have Rampage related content as far as interactions go.

6. I’m not here to deal with politics or drama. I’m willing to comfort you in troubled times via ask or IM. However, I’m not here to debate politics and I’m not going to be reblogging most social justice based posts. This is not because I don’t care, but because I believe that RP blogs are an inappropriate venue for such serious matters. If you have encountered a toxic mun or someone else who has been harassing you, I ask that you provide proof. I will not smear someone’s name over hearsay.

7. Rampage as a game series has very little in the way of triggering material, though several of the games did feature the destruction of the Twin Towers by the monsters as most of the games were made prior to 9/11. I’ll list a few other things featured in the games that may bother people: buildings being destroyed, smoke, fire, prescription drugs, hypodermic needles, cigarettes, bottles marked poison (depicted as harmful when eaten by the monsters), cigars being smoked by the human villain, people falling out building windows, minor blood and gore, vomit ( by monsters), falling off buildings (happens to monsters), falling into water (happens to monsters), minor sexual innuendo, tiny pixilated nudity, people being eaten (not graphic), and pets being eaten (not graphic). If there’s anything else that causes major distress for you, please let me know so I can tag it properly.

8. Outside of the verses where my muses are in human form, they are giant monsters willing to try to eat anything (or anyone) smaller than themselves. So unless your muse(s) are giant themselves or can change size, mine are going to be looking at yours as food. Now obviously if you ask me ahead of time for your muse(s) not to be eaten, I will respect that. But in general your muse(s) will need to either have abilities to keep the monsters at bay or will need to be incredibly persuasive to avoid being chomped. Same goes for your muse(s) antagonizing mine. They interact and/or pick fights at their own risk.

9. I may play with muses from the Rampage film, but it will have to be discussed because the film and the games are wildly different outside of a basic premise.

10. I am in no way affiliated with Game Refuge Inc., Midway Games Inc. or Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment/WB Games. These characters are not mine and I’m just here to play in someone else’s sandbox.

#Player 1 (OOC)#Rules #Parental Advisory (psa)

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theliterateape · 4 years

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Hope Idiotic | Part 25

By David Himmel

Hope Idiotic is a serialized novel. Catch each new part every week on Monday and Thursday.

LOU HAD JUST FALLEN ASLEEP IN HIS OLD BED IN HIS OLD BEDROOM. Chuck gladly took the guestroom while Lou was home. And it felt good to be home. It was just shy of four-thirty in the morning when his cell phone began lighting up and ringing and vibrating on his nightstand. Michelle was calling.

His stomach did a lap around the other organs as he looked at her photo come to life on his caller I.D. He silenced the phone. He rolled away from it and started to drift back to sleep. She called again. He ignored it. Again she called, and again he ignored it.

Then, a different ringtone. A text message. He picked up the phone and flipped it open.

Please pick up.

She called again. Silenced. He shoved the phone under his pillow to muffle any more disturbances. What the fuck could she possibly want? he drowsily thought.

Maybe you already deleted my number from ur phone. Its Michelle. Pls pick up Lou.

He hated when adults used text shorthand. Another text came in while he was reading the last one.

I understand if you never want to speak to me again. But please talk to me. Pls don’t let it be like this. We can’t end this way. Please. Pls pick up.

Couldn’t there at least be some goddamn consistency in how she spelled? he thought. Then another one.

Please.

The phone rang again. Michelle’s pixilated face was smiling at him. He remembered taking that photo. It was during his fist autumn in Chicago. She was late for work because they screwed around after waking up. As she was running out the door, he pleaded with her to just hold still for one second. He told her how cute she looked. She was wearing her hair pulled back in a ponytail. She thought she looked scummy. He pleaded again. She turned, whipping her head around and smiling at him from over her shoulder. He liked that picture of her. Seeing it come through on the I.D. used to give him butterflies. That morning it gave him dead moths.

He watched her photo change to the message: MISSED CALL. The voicemail notification dinged a few moments later. “Goddammit,” he said. He played it back.

“Lou. It’s Michelle. It’s me…” She was sobbing almost uncontrollably. “Please call me back. I heard you’re back in Vegas at a job interview. Great. Please call me back. I have to talk to you. Ple—”

It sounded like she let the phone fall from her face as she began what he could only assume was another wave of chest-heaving crying fits. Jesus Christ, he thought. She doesn’t even sound human. And how the fuck does she know I’m in Vegas? Eric must have mentioned it to his parents. They still lived in Vegas and were best friends with Lynn and Barry. And there were no secrets between Michelle and her parents. And clearly there’s weren’t any between Eric and his either because he told Eric not to say anything. The phone rang again. Michelle’s picture. That smile. That ponytail. That morning when the storm of the last two-and-a-half years was still somewhere beyond the horizon far from the reach of radar. The phone rang. He flipped it open.

“Goddammit, what!?”

“Lou?”

“It’s four-thirty in the morning.”

“It’s six-thirty. Oh, the time difference.” She was still sobbing.

“What do you want, Michelle?”

There was quiet on the other end of the line. A sniff, a whimper. Then she bawled out, “I’m sorry!”

He knew that everyone wants to be loved; to serve an honorable purpose and, at some point in their lives, want to have someone tell them that they’re sorry.

Lou shot straight up in bed. What did she just say? Am I drunk? Dreaming? Am I being punked? he thought. Lou could only recall one instance in their entire relationship—including their friendship before they dated—in which Michelle apologized outright like that. It was back in college, and it was for hardly anything worth apologizing. She got really drunk at a boyfriend’s frat house, fell in the pool, got into a fight with the boyfriend and called Lou for a rescue. They spent the night in his bed like a brother sharing space with his sister. The following morning she apologized with shame in her voice. This apology on the phone was something else entirely. And he needed to know more.

“For what?”

“Everything.”

“That’s a lot to be sorry for.”

Again, there was quiet. Some more sniffling, then, a deep breath and she wailed, “I’m selfish! I don’t want to be. But I am. And I’m too hard on people. I’ve been too hard on you. I know you’re trying. I know this has been hard for you—the job, your parents, trying to find your way in a new city. And you spend so much of your time keeping it together for me. Because you’re always there for me, and I’m spoiled, and I shouldn’t blame you when you come undone because you’re trying so hard. And I’m sorry about Pop. And I’m sorry I’m not nicer. I love you. I love you so much that I think I’ve always loved you. You’re the perfect man for me because you love me so much, and I just didn’t appreciate that—and I’m so, so, so sorry.”

No matter how different people might be from each other, Lou knew that there are certain things that every person wants. He knew that everyone wants to be loved; to serve an honorable purpose and, at some point in their lives, want to have someone tell them that they’re sorry. Not even an hour ago, Lou was sure that he didn’t need an apology. But when Michelle gave him one, the truth revealed that that was exactly what he wanted more than anything else in the world. More than a job, more than Pop to live forever, more than an unbroken home.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” was all he could say, however.

“I miss your hands and your lips and running my fingers through your hair and your fingers doing that thing you do with my forehead to make my headaches go away—”

“It’s just squeezing the pressure points in your temples.”

“But it’s the way you do it. I miss the way we make love. I just… I just haven’t said enough nice things about you lately, and I owe you that. And I owe you a happy birthday, too.”

“So what am I supposed to do with all of this?”

“Forgive me.”

“It’s not that easy. I’ve had a great week away from you. Away from all of the shit. And if I forgive you, that means I have to go back and face it all again. And I have to keep fighting a losing battle. I don’t like that plan. I like the plan I have now.”

“And what’s that?”

“To come back to Vegas. Get back to work. Start where I left off and get my goddamn life back on track.”

“Maybe I can move back there.”

“You don’t want that. We’ve talked about that. And frankly, Michelle, right now, I don’t want you in my life.”

She wailed.

“You told me you didn’t love me. You just admitted that you spent the last two years not making anything any easier on me. You just took and took from me and gave little back.”

“I know,” she sobbed. “I’m sorry.”

“How do I know that you really are? How do I know that you’re not just sad because breakups suck? And where does all of this self-awareness come from? Suddenly, you’re filled with apathy and introspection.”

“I talked to my mom. She told me how horrible I can be. That I’ve always been this way. That I stab people emotionally when something doesn’t go exactly my way.”

“She called you horrible?”

“In so many words, yes.”

“Jesus. And she’s still alive?”

“Not funny.”

“Because she’s right. But you don’t just stab, Michelle. You stab deep, then twist the knife so the would opens up, and then you get furious when the blood gets all over the place.”

“I know. I’ve done that to you.”

“How can I trust you?”

“We have to trust each other.”

“I mean things are really fucked up right now. And I feel I’d be walking back into a world of disrepair if I came back to you.”

“It will be different. We can go to counseling.”

“Is that what you really want? Because I’ll do couples counseling, if you want.”

Her voice became clear and certain, like the tears were gone. “Well, I don’t really want it on my medical records that I went to therapy. You have to claim some sort of mental illness, and I just can’t have that mark against me. Not in my career.”

“So, you’d put your career before our relationship. That’s the line. You’ll do anything for love, but you won’t do that? Christ, I’m talking to Meat Loaf here.”

“If we put it on your insurance…”

“My insurance. My COBRA insurance that is already stretched to the limit of visits because of the two shrinks I’m already seeing. You’re the one with amazing insurance. You’re always talking about how wonderful your insurance is. But yeah, let’s dump more financial responsibility on the unemployed, penniless guy so you can save face.”

“Lou, that’s not what I meant.” She began crying again. “Do you think we even need counseling?”

“You brought it up. And based on what you just said to me, we need a lot more than counseling.” They talked in circles for a little more than an hour and a half. Whatever calm he felt before the phone call and vindication he felt after her apology, all of it was replaced with anger. His hands were hot and shaking with fury. “Michelle. I have to go. I need to get some sleep.”

“But, Lou—”

“Later. I’ll call you later. I have a lot to think about.”

He hung up. He plugged his phone back in and put it to rest on the nightstand. He rolled over and looked at the other half of his bed. He imagined the times Michelle was there. It reminded him of the hope that the idea of her gave him. He thought of all the things she just said to him. He considered the tone in her voice. He replayed the conversation over in his head in search of signs of legitimacy. Would things be different if he went back? He noticed his hands were still shaking. Typical. Michelle built something up only to wreck it all in the end. No. Things wouldn’t be different.

✶

HE MANAGED TO GET A COUPLE OF HOURS OF SLEEP. Chuck was nearly finished cleaning the pool when Lou got out of bed and went downstairs. Lou told him about the Michelle phone call. He was shocked.

“Don’t go,” Chuck told him. “Don’t do it.”

“I won’t,” Lou said.

Then Lou got a text message from Mark. The Balcony wants our show. We open in September. Congrats. You’re a playwright now.

“Fuck,” Lou said.

“What?” asked Chuck.

“I have to go back.”

“What did I just say?”

“The play I wrote with my buddy Mark. It got picked up. It actually got picked up. We open in September. I have to go back and do this.”

“What about the job out here?”

“Can I telecommute?”

“I doubt it. And what about Michelle?”

“I guess I have to put some actual thought into that now. I told her I would call her later. I wasn’t going to. But now… fuck.”

“Fuck.”

“All right. I’m gonna go buy a plane ticket. You can get your bedroom back.”

“I’d rather you have it.”

Lou laughed. “Me, too.”

Part I Part II Part III Part IV Part V Part VI Part VII Part VIII Part IX Part X Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 Part 14 Part 15 Part 16 Part 17 Part 18 Part 19 Part 20 Part 21 Part 22 Part 23 Part 24

#Hope Idiotic #David Himmel Author #David Himmel Novel #David Himmel Fiction #Novel #Fiction #Bildungsroman #Dark Humor

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