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blxetsi · 3 years

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armin arlert, mikasa ackerman, and eren jaeger polyamorous headcanons (modern au)

armin arlert x gn!reader, mikasa ackerman x gn!reader, eren jaeger x gn!reader, mikasa x armin x eren x gn!reader

warnings: uhh fluff, this is very long, reader has a gf b4 getting w ema,

this is like my first post since feb that isnt a request 😍😍😍 how did i pull this out of my ass

- obv eren, mikasa, and armin have been besties since childhood so its no wonder they all got together first 🤩🙏

- and theyre all hot so why wouldnt they wanna date each other

- i think armin and eren wouldve gotten together first, and then invited mikasa into their relationship

- the three of them have been officially going steady for like over a year now, and its going really well

- they didnt really expect you to drop into their lives tho

- youre an old friend of historia's and you two reconnected after you moved to the city, securing yourself a decent paying job working as a writer for the city paper

- you usually get the boring stuff, never able to get a good story to write about, focusing your time on heartwarming stories in the community or the sports column

- its boring but it pays the bills

- you were thankful when historia called you during your lunch and asked if you wanted to get drinks at a bar with her and a couple of other friends

- of course you said yes

- so historia and her girlfriend ymir picked you up after work, having dinner with them after a long week was the best, but you were a bit nervous to meet all of their friends

- thats how you met eren, mikasa and armin

- at first you were sure that mikasa and eren were dating, seeing as mikasa had her head on the taller man's shoulder, while his arm was wrapped around her

- but when armin leaned down to give mikasa a kiss before heading off to the bar you werent so sure

- ymir pulled you away to get more drinks and explained to you what the situation was, while commenting on the way you gawked at the three of them before

- you were embarassed to say the least but they didnt bring it up that night so you hoped the throuple didnt notice (they did)

- you really hit it off with all of them though, especially sasha and jean, and were constantly talked about among the friend group

- because of your demanding job dealing with writers block and deadlines you couldnt really meet up with all of them often, usually just having sleepovers at ymir and historia's apartment, the three of you drinking while you wrote on your laptop

- after a couple months of casual hangouts with historia and ymir and their friends, you kinda became one of them too which was nice

- you were added to the groupchat, you all followed each other on social media, and a certain brunet had taken a liking to you

- eren didnt know why exactly he was so attracted to you but he was, maybe it was your hair, or how pretty your skin looked even when oily or with breakouts, maybe it was your smile or your body or your sense of humor or you kindness or maybe it was all of it

- eren jaeger would always stay faithful to his boyfriend and girlfriend, but maybe they could add another person into the mix, more to love right ?

- he had only known you for a couple of months though, he didnt want to jump the gun and bring this up with his partners so soon, especially if they didnt feel the same way he did

- and it would be a bummer if you turned out to be a bad person or smth

- so summer rolls around with lots of memories being made with your new friends, as well as friends from work, and you get a girlfriend ??

- shes not really your girlfriend you two have only been out on a couple of dates and she kisses you a lot but, you havent talked about labels

- one night you, along with your friends are back at the same bar where you first met them

"so, tell us about the girl youre seeing." ymir says, smirking over her beer.

eren's ears perked up at the mention of you seeing someone. "girl ?"

historia nodded. "mhm ! y/n's been talking to someone recently, they've gone on dates and kissed and stuff."

"and stuff, jesus tori you make it sound like we've had sex." you sighed.

the blonde just laughed, leaning her body onto her freckled companion.

"well ? what about her ?" eren asks. armin slapped him on the arm, already having suspicions about eren's interest in you.

your shoulders sagged. "well, she's great and everything, truly..."

"but ? is there a but in this ?" connie asked. sasha started laughing at connie's use of the word but, while jean slapped the girl on the arm because of her reaction.

you shrugged, swirling what was left of your fruity cocktail in your glass. "well, i'm not sure. she's very lively, and sweet. but i don't know, i just don't see myself being able to be in a steady relationship with her."

"so you're gonna end it ?" eren asked. you thought he seemed a bit too eager about your failure in the love department.

"why do you care so much ? you like the thought of me being lonely ?" you shot back, before downing the rest of your drink.

"no i just-"

"i think what eren means is," mikasa intervened, her smooth voice calming you as she looked at you with a smile on her face. "is that there's no point in staying with her if you can't see yourself with her. don't lead her on."

you nodded. "you're exactly right my friend. which is the plan for tonight because i," you quickly checked the time on your phone. 8:17. "have a date with miss molly at nine, so i will be taking my leave."

the group engaged in a chorus of boos for leaving so early, while you chuckled and took the lighthearted insults thrown at you by sasha and connie with ease. grabbing all of your things you put down two twenties onto the table. "i'll see you guys later, have a goodnight." as you walked off you heard jean yell "have a good time you heartbreaker !" making you shake your head

- the date with molly went less then well. she yelled, and cried, and even tried hitting you at one point. your walk back from the park was spent blocking her on every form of social media you followed her on, and when you got back to your apartment you spent the night in a hot bath before retiring to bed

- meanwhile, armin and mikasa were trying to pry the truth out of eren, who was constantly denying his attraction to you

- finally mikasa took one for the team "eren, you aren't alone with the way you feel, i do too." this made eren more willing to open up to his partners

- armin doesnt say anything about you, only saying how youre kind. he doesnt feel the way that his girlfriend and boyfriend do, but he knows that may change

- soon enough, more time flies and christmas rolls around, with you all deciding to have a secret santa get together.

- historia invites everyone to her home on christmas eve, with ymir begrudgingly allowing it

- bertholdt and annie come too, reiner not being able to make it due to going home for christmas, while everyone else decided to stay in the city

- you picked out your secret santas at the beginning of november so you would all have enough time to find something for each other, you hoped whoever picked your name gave you something good

- after hours of games and karaoke and drinking you all decided it was time to open the presents

- ymir got socks from bertholdt, connie got an ugly beanie from ymir, historia got new pens from mikasa, mikasa got knitting needles from annie, annie got a dumbell from eren, jean got a not so appropriate t shirt from connie, jean gave sasha more comic books, armin gave new stationary paper to bertholdt, sasha gifted you that new biography you've been wanting to read and you gave armin your old copy of frankenstein by mary shelley

- he was surprised but very thankful, "how did you know i needed a new copy ?" "well i remember you said eren spilt water on your old one, and the pages just stuck together so i thought you might as well have mine"

- it warmed armin's heart that you remembered something so insignificant, and opened him up to the thought of being with you

- the rest of the night was spent with hugs and thankfulness, cheering when the clock struck 12 and it became christmas day

- after getting things cleaned up everyone decided it was time to leave, with armin, eren and mikasa offering to give you a ride home

- a ride where armin straight up kissed you in the backseat

- you stopped him of course, thinking that it was weird he would cheat on his partners right in front of them, while they were shocked all on their own for different reasons, armin who didnt have feelings for you KISSED you

- and surprisingly armin took the lead in explaining how he felt, why he kissed you, an apology for doing so, and an offer to start dating all three of them

- your heart was pounding in your ears and your entire face felt hot, it was probably the alcohol, or the way his lips felt so soft when they touched yours, so you said yes.

- its not smooth sailing from there

- youre kind of awkward

- this is your first relationship where you really feel like you could love these guys (you already do) but its also your first relationship with multiple people

- the trio start inviting you over more often, soon for sleepovers, and start inviting themselves over at your own place, mainly eren

- he just comes at random times, sometimes when youre not even there and waits for you, or stays and cleans up a bit before leaving

- armin and you share a deep love of literature, and you often find yourselves in hot debates about whatever youve read (mikasa and eren have to pry you two away before things get physical)

- mikasa likes to cook with you, she shares recipes that her mom taught her, and her and armin love to cook dinner together whereas eren is the breakfast maker of the household

- the first time you slept in the same bed as them you were so nervous your whole body thumped to the tune of your heartbeat, you were convinced armin could even hear it as he was laying beside you, but eren wrapped an arm around your waist, pulling you into his large chest before whispering "youre as stiff as a board, relax honey"

- eren snores, mikasa drools, armin has those dreams where you fall and then violently wake up before you hit the ground

- slowly but surely you stop thinking about your relationship as the trio and you, but as all of you together, and that really helps you come out of your shell a bit

- you may still be in the honeymoon phase, and there may be bumps along the way, but you like being with armin, eren, and mikasa. they make you so happy, it feels like the happiest youve been in a long time

- you like watching eren and armin dance in the living room while you and mikasa cuddle on the couch, before the boys pull you two up as well

- you like when armin reads to you, his soft voice reciting the words of the great gatsby

- you like it when eren can just tell youve had a rough day, and pulls you into a hug like hes protecting you from all the bad things in the world

- you love being with them. you love them. and you think that theyre it for you

i rushed the ending bc im fucking tired but i kinda wanna do a poly!series with like sasha, connie and jean, or annie, bertholdt and reiner, or any other poly ships u guys may request !

so yeah pls give me feedback it rlly helps me figure out whether you want a polyamorous series (or just like what i write in general), and it would be my first series ever which would be super cool anyways

yeah requests open for poly!ships anyways

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i-simp-for-gintoki · 3 years

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Visiting Yuji in Tokyo

“yuji x reader where she was childhood friends with yuji and its basically the friends to lover sort of thing? and basically reader is visiting tokyo and meets up with yuji for the first time in months?? bonus if gojo and megumi are there :)”-anon

Damn its either super short or long no inbetween huh? Sorry if this isn’t exactly what you wanted! Some of the characters are little ooc (when are they not when i write them-).This turned out much much longer than it needed to be

You and Yuji have known each other since kindergarten

He’s such a sweet kid its always really fun to hang out with him

You guys play lots of video games together and are basically inseparable

Constantly reading manga or watching anime its great

Your parents disapproved of you hanging out with a dude all the time but you could care less

Why should you only be friends with your own gender? Thats so stupid

You always wondered about why yuji had such great strength and speed but he says he was just born that way

Hes just built different

Around middle school his grandpa’s health had dropped and was moved to the hospital

You did your best to make sure yuji stayed in good spirits and often visited the older itadori with him

He’s not the best at wording things but hes always there for emotional support

Maybe it was around 7th grade you noticed something was different around yuji

Like he himself hasn’t changed but whenever you look at him your heart just melts

Your thoughts or compliments seem more filled with love for him and thats when you realized you started to fall for him

Thinking the crush would go away you didn’t act much on it

Oh what a fool you were

Around 8th grade yuji had started acting kinda weird around you

He’d be much more easy to fluster and tenses up for a second if you ever make contact

You confronted him about it and cue the very awkward and middle school like confession

“I really like you!

You were so happy you confessed back and said that the only reason you didn’t before was because you feared to ruin your friendship

He says even if he somehow didn’t like you back that something like that wouldn’t effect anything

From then on you guys are such a wholesome couple

All the cuddles

No fancy dates just casual arcade or movie sort of things

His grandpa gave him a hard time but approved of your relationship

Throughout 8th grade summer and the beginning of highschool everything was going great

But a few months into highschool lots of things happened

Yuji’s grandpa had passed away, he and his friends in the exorcist(?) club had gotten hurt and after that night he had weird markings on his cheeks right below his eyes

And to top it all off now he was supposedly moving to tokyo??

“Yuji why are you moving away? My parents would gladly take you in you know”

He tells you he can’t explain why which breaks your heart

“Who are you staying with then??” he stops for a second and it pains him to lie to you. “A distant relative of mine, he works at a private school and thats where i will be going from now on.”

“But what about us?”

And so you guys decided to do a long distance relationship

Every night when you can you call and chat for hours

But thats not enough

You want to be held or hold him, you want to just cuddle or atleast be in the same room

It pains you to have a relationship through a screen and you grow respect for those who do

Trust isn’t an issue since you know yuji wouldnt even think to cheat at all

Probably doesnt even know what the word means

But after a few months you decide to go to tokyo for a few days

With the help of your parents you rent a room in a hotel and head there

Were just gonna pretend your parents are super super chill(and slightly uncaring like my parents would never let me) and lets you go to a whole city by yourself for several nights

You were super nervous and excited

Its your first time visiting a huge city like tokyo and its gonna be the first time you see yuji in months

Itadori was super excited that you were in tokyo

So excited that he got lost trying to head to the hotel you were staying at

After an extra hour you guys finally meet

He walks through the hotel lobby doors and gives a smile and a wave

In an instant you tackle him in a hug which he GLADLY hugs back in

After just holding each other for a while he decides to show you around

Hes still clearly learning the area himself but he’s very excited to show what he does know

“The place over here makes amazing sushi! Oh! And over here they sell little action figures! Oh oh and over here the steak is kinda bad but its cheap so its worth it! And-” you could only smile as he pointed in random directions with one hand, the other was busy holding yours

Buying food from a bunch of random vendors and wearing silly getups you guys take loads of pictures

Tons of hugs and cheek kisses

Yes its frowned upon to be touchy and stuff in public in japan but honestly you guys could care less

The sun was setting and you guys were currently sitting at a park munchkin on some crepes when you turn to him

“Yuji, do you think i could visit who your staying with? I’d hate to impose but i just wanna know if your in good hands”

His chewing pauses

Its not like he didn’t want you tell about jujutsu

But he doesn’t want you to be apart of that world, he wants you to stay as safe as possible with no harm ever headed your ways

With him being a vessel for sukuna gojo had told him that he and his friends could potentially be targeted

Theres a reason sorceres put up cloaks when engaging in battles and its so normal civilians can continue living in peace without the knowledge these monstrosities actually exist

“Mm its a bit sudden and he’s out on a mis-er meeting right now so maybe tomorrow?” he says

You frown, you can tell he’s lying but he wouldn’t do it without a reason

“Fine. But Yuji. Just know that if you ever feel unsafe or want to come back your more than welcome too. There will always be a spot for you at my home” you say hugging him

You both kinda forgot you were holding crepes and when you pulled away from each other laughed as the ice cream and sauce was smeared all over your shirts/jackets

He walks you back to the hotel and says goodnight with a kiss

The next two days went by in a flash

Just spending time with itadori, even if it was just sitting in silence has been the most fun youve had in months

He had showed you many places and has boughten many small trinkets for you to remember

Your phone has grown about 300 photos just from the past couple days with him

It was about midday of your final day in tokyo and so you both wanted to make the best of it

You both where sitting inside a cafe exchanging stories and just chatting when suddenly two people walked in the cafe

One was very tall and had spiked up white hair and was wearing a blindfold, and the other had spiky/messy black hair

You didn’t think much of it at first but did question the blindfold

‘A fashion choice?’

Turning your attention back to yuji you gave him a soft smile as you listened to his ramblings about a manga

“I love you” you said cutting him off

Immediately his face turned red and whatever he was just saying turned into stuttering nonsense

Before he could respond he let out a short yell when someone placed a hand on his shoulder

It was the two dudes who walked in from earlier

“So this is what you’ve been doing.” “Fushiguro! Gojo sensei!”

The shorter one who looks yuji’s age started talking about how it wasn’t good to turn his phone on mute and go out the whole day

The tall one gives you a wave

“Sorry to interrupt your date but we gotta take yuji away for a bit” he says grabbing yuji’s collar

“Wait who are you guys?” you ask and they pause to give short introductions

“Fushiguro Megumi.” “Gojo Satoru, nice to meet ya miss girlfriend” “How did you know??” Yuji says making gojo laugh

“Its pretty obvious, you didn’t do much of a job hiding it” he says pulling yuji a little bit more.

“O-Oh im L/n Y/n, nice to meet you” you say realizing you forgot to introduce yourself

As the three chatted along with each other, you sat in silence as you tried to remember where you heard gojo’s name from

‘Oh yeah, he’s the one who yuji described as his relative. Even if it was really fast since he tends to change subjects whenever i ask’

“Wait Gojo? White hair...blind fold..are you Yuji’s relative?” you ask making both of them pause

They both turn towards yuji who gave a sheepish smile

“Thats me, im his mothers little cousin” Gojo said, a very quick and random asspull

“So why does he call you Gojo-sensei instead of uncle…Satoru?” “Well if im his moms cousin that would make me his cousin once removed wouldn’t it? And he calls me sensei since im a teacher at a school he goes to”

“And what about you?” you ask the other boy

“A classmate.” he says in a very short and uninterested tone

“Welp lets go” Gojo says dragging yuji but he quickly resists

“Wait wait! Sensei can i please stay? Today is her last day here and i don’t know when i will be able to see her again”

The teacher and student stares at each other for a long time

You have literally no clue what the blindfolded man could but thinking its so hard to read him

Then again you just met him so

Gojo sighs and lets go of yuji

“Just this once, and only because im the greatest sensei you’ve ever had. Lets go megumi. See ya miss girlfriend” gojo says walking away with a wave

Megumi looks surprised but follows him “really?” “Yeah yeah its fine, its only a couple of grade 3’s anywa…” as their voices faded when they left the building you gave yuji a look

“Are you going to get in trouble?” “im probably going to die in training…” “huh?” “nothin”

The rest of the day you guys hang out and its mmm

Yuji would be such a good boyfriend hes so wholesome

When its time for you to part he give you a big hug, kiss and ‘i love you’

You do the same and tear up a bit

With one final photo you head back to your home town

You make it a mission to visit tokyo more often and yuji tries to visit you whenever he can from then on

#itadori yuji x reader #itadori yuji #jujutsu kaisen headcanons #i swear if the tags dont work imma be really annoyed lmao #jjk x reader

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getbacktoworknovice · 4 years

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🐎Snarky, Handsome Devil

[an AU in which you are a summer time employee who works at a riding ranch for kids and have a massive crush on one of the instructors Jacob Frye~ (this is part one of a series (reposting some older Ao3 stuff~)]

You always looked forward to summer.

A chance to get away from school, your siblings and your parents for three glorious months. Not that you didnt love your family of course, it was just a nice break from the reality you were stuck in nine months out of the year.

Every summer, ever since you started high school, you worked part time at the Frye Riding Ranch, a sort of summer camp for underprivileged kids to get a chance at taking care of and learning how to ride horses.

The people who ran it, Ethan Frye and his twin children, Jacob and Evie Frye, were very generous being that they only charged the families one dollar for the three month camp and in some cases, they let children join for free.

Apparently they had come from hard times as well.

You yourself were an actual hired hand, hired on by Ethan your first year at high school and kept on as he seemed to like your personality. You were hoping he would, after all, you loved kids AND horses and this was like a dream come true to you.

Kids were always so much easier to deal with than adults and they adored when you did your funny little voices, especially the British one as the owners whole family were Brits. Adults tended to give you odd looks.

Especially Jacob.

But then he would just give you that annoyingly charming half smile of his and go back about his business as if he hadn’t been looking at you at all. He rather loved kids too (which was part of why you found him so attractive) and even referred to them as his little “Rooks”.

He was kind with the horses as well. You’d caught him before as he was giving one a bath, talking to her sweetly and patting her lovingly as he got her cleaned up. It was the cutest thing you ad ever seen. Though you were certain he would deny he ever did such a thing if you asked him.

To be perfectly honest he had annoyed you at first. On your first day he had paired you with the worst horse they had to “break you in”, he’d doused you several times with the power hose and made you shovel so much manure you couldnt smell anything but for three days after.

You definitely hadnt had much of an appetite your first week, making Evie worry for you and then give Jacob a harsh telling off when she found out what he’d done. He wasnt a bully, she assured you, he was just…a pain.

Needless to say you’d avoided him for a month afterward but towards the end he came around. Apologized even. Which surprised you. You didnt realize you had a crush on him until you came back the next year and he gave you a big hug…

and you could feel every muscle he had.

He was every inch the rugged cowboy you’d seen on many a cover of romance novels. Muscled, rough around the edges, wild hair and eyes…and that damn smile of his! Yes indeed to you every inch of him was rugged and wild…and you loved it.

You just wished you were able to tell him. He was four years older than you and you just figured it was a passing fancy. You’d get over it. Yet every time you saw him and tried to still your beating heart it never worked. He would smile and nod at you, or say something that made you laugh, or stand too close to you when you saddled the horses for the kids.

He was the sweetest asshole you’d ever known.

You actually looked forward to getting up in the morning.

Today was turning into one of the funner days you’d had in the last three years. It was the day before graduation and to celebrate they always had a giant bonfire and a mini rodeo of sorts where the kids got to show off what they’d learned and earn a “badge of honor” for their efforts.

They were just cheap plastic sheriffs badges, but to the kids they might as well have been solid gold trophies. They got the biggest smiles on their faces and your heart just melted at the sight. Even Jacob took it a bit easier in terms of joking around, taking the event as seriously as the kids did.

You were in charge of getting all the firewood ready for the bonfire the next night as well as making all the certificates the kids would be receiving along with their badges. You were sitting at one of the tables in the rec room with Evie, writing out all the kids names neatly on their certificates, while Evie printed out the pamphlets for the parents.

“I do hope it doesn’t rain.” She was saying as you finally finished with the “S” names, rotating your wrist a bit to work out the soreness in it. You loved calligraphy but it hurt. Looking up when you heard her words you gave a curious gaze out the window, noting it was a bit stormy looking.

“Maybe it’ll blow over.” You said hopefully as you didn’t want it to ruin the kids’ fun. “If not I suppose we could hold the ceremony in here.” She said just as rain started to pelt outside. You gave a bit of a groan as now you’d have to go and cover up the wood with a tarp.

“Shit…” You grumbled as you grabbed up your coat and headed out the door. Te bonfire pit was a good ways away from the rec room and cabins so you had to book it to the barn to grab up a tarp. By the time you made it to the bonfire it was pouring down rain.

Quickly you began tucking the tarp into the corners of the pile, doing your best to get the wood covered so it would actually burn tomorrow, but it was getting windy and every corner you managed to get covered would pry itself loose by the time you got to the other end.

You were about to lose it when you felt someone grab the other end of the tarp to assist you. Giving a relieved sigh you looked over to see it was Jacob. You felt your heart begin to beat wildly again and you couldn’t control it. “Jacob…!” You started but he only yanked on the tarp.

“Dont just stand there like a fish!” He insisted as the rain pelted him without his jacket. “Move!” That snapped you out of it and you began to help him, tucking the tarp into place and covering it to help it stay safe from the rain.

With his help you got it done rather quickly and one he was certain it would stay the two of you took cover in the barn. You were both soaked but Jacob had gotten the worst of it, his black t-shirt stuck to him and his jeans were soaked through.

You were so glad you’d grabbed a jacket.

“Thanks,” You managed to say after you’d caught your breath. “I was about to give up there for a minute.” You admitted and Jacob laughed. “Wind was bein’ a bit of a bully wasnt it?” He grinned, taking off his baseball cap and wringing the water out of it best he could.

“Oh yeah, just a bit.” You teased in return with a smile that quickly turned into a blush when you saw him strip off his soaking shirt. You never knew he had a tattoo, but you turned your head so quick you didnt actually see what it was.

“What’s the matter love?” You heard him tease. “Never seen a man without a shirt before?” You felt your face get redder. “I-I…n-no…I mean…!” You were so flustered you couldnt even get a word out. “Sh-shut up!” You finally grumbled but he only laughed.

“Oh come now, you dont have to be so harsh with your tongue.” He said as he took your shoulder and leaned in close to your ear. “Your not having dirty thoughts are you?” He teased and you whirled on him to tell him off.

But stopped short as you felt his lips against the corner of your mouth.

Giving a small squeak you jumped back, your eyes wide in surprise. “J-Jacob, what the hell!?” You stammered, completely flustered. Jacob however only smiled that cocky little smile of his. “Been wantin’ to do that.” He said as he wrung out his shirt.

“Wh….what? What do you mean youve been wanting to do that?” You stuttered and he gave you a sideways grin. “Why, precisely what it means. I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a long time.” He said in plain terms.

You felt your knees buckle a bit and your heart began to thump in your chest. “R-really..?” You asked slowly. You felt like you must be dreaming. Youd had a crush on him true but you never in your life expected it to be reciprocated by him.

“Why?”

That question seemed to get to him as his cheeks actually turned a little pink. “Well…because I like ya.” He said with an honest shrug, putting his shirt back on. “I thought that was obvious but I guess I went about showin’ ya the wrong way.” He admitted sheepishly.

You gave a snort. “Yeah, making me shovel maure isnt the fastest way to my heart y'know!” You insisted with a swat to his arm. Jacob laughed aloud, a laugh you’d grown to love. “I guess I did fumble that one up a bit…” He admitted, giving you a soft look with his brown eyes.

“So…how is it you feel about me?” He asked and it was your turn to flush in the cheeks. You honestly didnt know what to say at first. “I..I mean I really like you Jacob. I’ve…I’ve had a crush on you for a while…” You hated to admit that out loud.

“I just…I feel like I’ve known you forever,” You said as you looked up at him. “I know it sounds silly but I’ve really come to like you.” You said, feeling a sense of relief at finally getting that out in the open.

Sensing your relief he gently took your cheek getting you to look at him. “Well since I like you and you like me….ya wanna try that kiss again?” He asked. He wasnt pushy about it or trying to force himself. His stance was relaxed, and his hand gentle.

How could you say no?

Leaning up towards him his lips met yours halfway, cupping your cheek as he kissed you long and deep. It was the most amazing kiss you’d ever tasted in your life. When you finally pulled away from him he rested his forehead against yours.

“So…theres only a week left of camp,” He said as he looked down at you with a bit of curiosity in his gaze. “I dont suppose you’d be willing to…let me come visit you in the city sometime?” he asked. You just gave him a smile and kissed his nose.

“You can visit me anytime….just make sure you come by car. If you ride a horse into the city people tend to freak out.” You teased. Jacob only laughed aloud.

“I make no promises.”

#jacob frye #jacob frye x reader #assassins creed syndicate #assassins creed imagines #assassins creed #assassins creed x reader #snarky boi #jacob tag

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munsooon · 4 years

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for once the ice cream machine isnt broken

someone asked for a part two to McAngst with a side of Fries and so i ran with it since the event happend like two years ago and ive gone through some character development

its amazing the things distance can do. It had been approximately 3 months since you’d last seen the Doctor. the first month was hard however, getting settled in Earth was already a struggle in itself but the constant nagging thoughts of the Doctor at the back of your head didn't help. you cried yourself to sleep most times, you mostly stayed indoors, curled up in a ball on your couch, old show reruns playing on your television. you indulged in the sadness, knowing if you bottled it all up you’d be a ticking bomb of despair. so thats how you stayed for the first month. sad and miserable. you’re sure you’d cried more in that month than you ever will in your lifetime.

after the sadness came indifference. what happened happened, and as unfortunate and messy the whole ordeal was, you had to move on. there were days were you did great! you went out, hung out with friends, went to your favorite shops and treated yourself to some cute shoes. other days were a little harder, you’d lie if you said that second month your feelings for the Doctor had completely gone. you saw him in everything you did, everywhere you went, the constant though of him was with you. if you saw a squirrel or a cat, you thought about him and the things he’d say. he’d more than likely start communicating with them and then translate the conversation to you. or when you passed by a bakery, you knew if he was there the smell would intrigue him and he’d pull you towards the scent and demand you buy him one. sometimes when you sat at the roof of your apartment, and gazed at the moon and stars, you wondered if he looked at those same stars, and missed you as much as you did him. getting over someone as amazing as the Doctor seemed almost impossible.

almost.

by the third month, the thought of him barely crossed your mind. you were able to really focus on yourself, no nagging at the back of your head. you could really go out an enjoy yourself 100%. it was only then, your heart no longer heavy, mind cleared, that you start missing the universe. you missed the thrill, the chaos, the beauty of it, but you werent going to call and ask if you could go back, your pride wouldnt let you. if it happened it happened, if it didnt you’d just have to find adventure yourself.

but after all that bad shit that has happened to you, you deserved to have some good karma. and so it happened.

it was the holiday season, and the Ponds decided to spend said holidays here on Earth, with you. You were happy of course! they were you best friends and you missed them just as much as the universe. Seeing the Doctor felt surreal, having him flash that smile at you was nice. but thats all it was. nice, there was no flutter of your heart, no butterflies, no shortness of breath, just, nice,

but you shouldve known better, because having the gang altogether called for trouble, and thats exactly what you got. and so off you were, another adventure at your feet. you missed this, them, him. River wasnt here, your dinner didnt last long enough for you to be able to catch up on everything that had happed the last three months. so when the group split, it was just you and Him. if you hadnt taken the time to heal, this- being alone with him- would've been a lot harder. for now you were just trying to catch your breath, gather your thoughts, come up with a plan to save the day.

as you gathered yourself, you could feel his eyes on you, and so you looked up at him. when your eyes met, he gave you a smile, let out a chuckle. “I missed this,” he said, and you raised a brow.”What do you mean, you're constantly running from shit, how could you miss it?” you asked, confused.

He let out a sigh, and let his head fall, his hair falling around his face, covering his eyes. “that’s not-” he took a big breath, “-thats not what i meant.” he still wasnt looking you in the eyes.

“Oh?”

“what i meant was this, running from trouble with you,”

oh fuck

“Doctor..”

“These past months have felt like forever without you,” he finally looked up again, his expression... sad.

you have an idea of where this conversation might be headed, and you wanted him to stop.

“River told me everything,” he said, voice solemn.

you jaw locked, eyebrows furrowed, body tense. you dont care, about him or River or wherever this dumb conversation was going. you were doing good, youve healed, if he truly knew about the situation he should see how good youre doing despite the absolute heartbreak you went through a few months ago, you dont understand why hes saying this.

“Dont,” was all you could say, the fear of the dam breaking too overpowering to let you say anything more.

“When i was with her i thought thats what i wanted, but after a while, without having you there, it just didnt feel right. i figured out it was you, who i wanted. and im an idiot because i’d already known that but i pushed those feelings away- i didnt think you’d like me back. and i felt lost and sad and then something was happening with River and i just let myself get swept away, and it was irrational and in the end i ended up hurting both of you..”

“Doctor, stop.”

“and i think the guilt of how everything happened and not giving you an explanation was too much for her so she told me everything and then everything made sense!” he was pacing, running his hands through his hair, eyes watery.

“Doctor thats enough,” your voice was barely above a whisper, but with those satellite for ears he had you knew he’s heard you.

“we ended things, on good terms, doesnt matter anymore shes not- with us anymore... but we ended it befire that so dont think im only saying this casue im a widow but i just wanted you to kno-”

“well i dont care! okay? whatever happened is a thing of the past and these three months ive taken the time to heal and, and get over you-” your voice was cracking, your cheeks were wet, “and i dont care anymore. those feelings aren't a part of me anymore. and id rather they stay like that."

he was quiet, eyes glossy. you probably looked worse.

"look me in the eyes and tell me you don't feel anything for me anymore," he said, slowly stepping close to you. once he was in front of you he gently cupped your face in his hands.

his big, soft, warm hands. they felt so right holding you.

you didn't look him in the eyes, you couldn't, they were so sincere, and big enough to fit the whole universe in them.

tears silently spilled from your eyes, everytime he caught them and wiped them away.

you looked into his eyes, and before you could lie and tell him you felt nothing for him, he gently kissed you.

it felt so right, to be held and kissed by the Doctor. you fear nothing in your life will ever feel as right as this.

#eleventh doctor x reader #doctor who x reader #11th doctor imagines #11th doctor x reader #doctor who imagines #doctor who

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bluinary · 4 years

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gag anime that you need to watch maybe

hi hello my name is juli and i will now gently guide ur attention to some top-notch shows, please pay attanetion

(this list is for people who don’t watch much anime or who are new to it. if ur a fucken weeb youve probably seen it all. dont @ me i want to help the kids)

ONE PUNCH MAN (the obvious 1st choice lol)

Genre: Action/ Shounen

Expectation: OP protagonist with riveting backstory fights to become the strongest hero, makes many friends along the way who recognize his talents and pure heart, big bad scary villains make him stronger

Reality: OP protagonist is already the strongest hero. His backstory? After fighting a lobster-man with nipples drawn on him with a Sharpie, Saitama decides to do a workout routine every day, and somehow ends up becoming the most powerful known being in the universe. His main issue is that now, he literally can take down any villain with a single punch, and he’s very bored of it.

Best Qualities: Animation is bomb, music is dope, humor is funnie, and Best Boy is a man whose superpower is riding a bicycle. Also Saitama egg head

If you were in a coma for all of 2015, this is the main thing u missed. Moving on.

Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun (Monthly Girls’ Nozaki)

Genre: Romance/ Comedy/ Slice of Life

Expectation: Smol shoujo protag girl grows closer to her oblivious crush through a fated, if awkward, incident which reveals an embarrassing secret that has to be kept at all costs. Through one another they gain more quirky friends, help each other grow, and, eventually, the male lead realizes that what he needs has been beside him all along.

Reality: The crush writes romance manga, and that is literally all the man cares about. It’s not a secret, but when he told people they didn’t believe him. Nozaki and Sakura grow closer, but only because he confuses her confession with a request to be his Beta. They gain quirky friends through one another, but there is zero character development throughout the entire fucking cast. Every episode is run by Idiot Plot. All the characters share a singular brain cell. There’s a tall butch lady turning every girl in the school gay. Please watch

Best Quali-teas: Everyone is baby, lots of gay shenanigans, and toxic masculinity does not exist, the OP is pretty nice, too

I literally heard about this damn show, like, two months ago. This shit was released circa 2015. Pleeze watch

The Disastrous Life of Saiki K. / Saiki Kusuo no Psi Nan

Genre: Shounen/ Supernatural/ Fucking Everything tbh

Expectation: Slice-of-life supernatural where protag has psychic powers, albeit limited ones, and has to keep them a secret at all costs for fear of his safety. He has a few friends he loves and cherishes, and at least two girls who are in love with him that he has to choose between-- all of which are people he wants to protect from his double-life.

Reality: Kusuo is very aware that he is the protagonist of an anime, and he does not want to be. Born with pink hair? He rewrites the human genome to make colored hair normal. End of the world looming? He just keeps rewinding time so he doesn’t have to deal with it. Harem situation? He actively uses his powers to avoid all love interests at all times (see the above). The plot of each episode is him trying to stop the plot as quickly as possible without killing anyone. The main issue is that everyone around him is either dumb or just generally attractive to plot-driving circumstances, and they all, for some reason, want him to be in on their adventures.

Best Qualities: Heavy “me and the boys” energy, plenty of Idiot Plot, so funny that my 47yo mom who hates anime admitted that it’s funny, meta as fuck, occasionally sweet scenes, equally good dub and sub, Saiki is babie

The fandom for this shit is like. Nonexistent. Apparently it came out the same season as Mob Psycho 100, so that might be why. I almost didn’t watch it, but I got bored and it turned out to be a serious gem. Go watch if ur having a bad day, it will make u cry laughing

Sakamoto Desu Ga/ Haven’t You Heard? I’m Sakamoto

Genre: Slice of life/ Comedy

Expectation: God I don’t even know. I’d say a typical slice of life where the quiet kid is bullied but makes friends, there’s a love triangle as they grow up together through high school, yadda yadda, but look at this dude. I can’t imagine him being anything other than what he is-- a legend.

Reality: The entire show is just a question of how extra one man can be, and how well he can pull it off. Sakamoto is an “average” high school senior (in the sense that he has no supernatural abilities), but he’s....far more than that. He’s Sebastian Michaelis if he’d never been a demon. Everything always works out for him in the most ridiculous of ways-- he’s just that good. He makes a McDonald’s uniform look like Prada. He’s so smooth his bully ends up having a crush on him (and yes, it is a gay crush. no heteros in this show).

Best Qualities: lots of homo content. the side characters, inspired by Sakamoto’s grace, all become better people, and you root for them. The circumstances are always average, but the presentation is fucking riveting. Watch to send ur depression into remission.

Another one no one talks about????? U all were so busy with ur broku no hero macadamias and ur Nartoes that you slept on this. Now’s the time to take back what was lost. Love yourself and binge this shit.

Nichijou/ My Ordinary Life

Genre: Slice of Life/ Comedy

Expectation: Cute girls do cute, girly things and have fun with Their Close Good Friends (TM).

Reality: Cute girls get into very bizarre situations with extremely manic energies. Sometimes, the situations are normal, but the girls react in a bizarre, manic fashion. It will make you alarm-laugh.

Best Qualities: Adorable art style, little continuity, relatable as fuck

A nice little watch if you’re bored. I think the eps are on YouTube.

Pop Team Epic/ Poputepepiku

Genre: Only God Knows

Expectation: Probably a cutesy 4koma-type thing with 2 schoolgirls having shenanigans.

Reality: A regular acid trip with lesbian icons Popuko and Pipimi who are not schoolgirls, but gods. Like if Eric Andre and Hannibal Buress were turned into omnipotent anime icons. Watch at your own risk.

Best Qualities: Lots of unexpected parodies and references amongst a shitpost of a show. The OP is a bop. Popuko terrifies me, but also empowers me as a young woman because she will not hesitate to kill a bitch. She and Pipimi love each other a whole lot, so it is LGBTQ content, which is always a plus.

I’m sure you’ve seen this one floating around. It will make you feel fear, and then laugh. Now, finally...

Ouran Highschool Host Club

Genre: Romance/ Comedy

Expectation: The protagonist is a girl who is mistaken for a boy and must be the servant of six rich, handsome young men, all of which are in love with her, and her secret must be kept at all costs. A reverse harem anime with plenty of fanservice.

Reality: Haruhi is a genderfluid queen who doesn’t give a fuck what others think she is. Because she broke a Conveniently-Placed Vase and is relatably poor, she has to pay off her debt by being a host herself-- which means male-presenting when flirting with her female classmates to make her dough. The six rich, handsome young men all share three brain cells, and most of those cells go to the character who has one line per episode (usually, it’s “Yeah”. I hope that VA got paid well). The only love interest-- the “leader” and most popular of the six men-- is so dead-set on their club being his Found Family, he confuses his romantic feelings for Haruhi with paternal ones. This is obvious to everyone but him. He never gets the brain cells.

Best Qualities: Trans characters!! Lesbians!! Extreme “me and the boys” energy, except they’re all rich, so shenanigans skyrocket. Many 4th wall breaks. The most powerful Host looks like he’s 5. Any “fanservice” is never played straight. Takes the Found Family trope to a whole new level. Nice Parks & Rec-quality balance between hysterical and sweet. Everyone is in drag at some point.

I know all of us senior citizens grew up on this shit, but you younguns need to watch the classics to appreciate the newfangled stuff. I recommend watching when you’re in a cheesy rom-com mood.

Honorable Mentions:

I can’t count these as gag anime, but they’re still ridiculously funny.

Mob Psycho 100

Scissor Seven

Kill la Kill

Cells at Work!

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

Ones I haven’t seen but have heard a lot about

Osomatsu-san

Himouto! Umaru-chan

Azumanga Daioh

Gin Tama

Sgt. Frog

Okay that is all just limke put this in ur feel-good tag because these shows will make you happy and donut for get to like and describe to my channel, where I post literally nothing at all ever good night.

#anime rec list #shows to watch #anime #shitpost #tumblr memes #pls rec me similar ones in the replies y'all i need another hyperfixation #rn im just using saiki k jokes to get me through the day #also this took me so long to make???????????#i have no clue why. but pls reblog just for that reason #i feel like there's a whole wave of neo-weebs coming in from bnha and stuff and they must be....guided #oh and yes. jojo is a fucking comedy to me okay #i dont think many people actually take it seriously but if you do please know #i cannot. i fell on the floor laughing trying to explain one scene to my coworker #spring break ideas #too #if u need something to fill the time with #most of these are pretty damn short #my posts

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planetjisungie · 4 years

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jolie- l.mh (part 1)

characters; prince! mark, princess! reader ft. dreamies, yuta and taeyong

summary; when you turn 18, you have to marry the prince of the eastern kingdom to secure an alliance. but what happens when your natural immature and positive personality collides with his cold and negative one.

an; king mark lee needed an au all to himself because this boy deserves the whole world, lets not lie here. also like i love this picture and it sparks big prince energy or like nutcracker ballet energy. also me deciding after 2 days of wallowing in self pity about how i hate having longass posts so im putting it into parts

"y/n! wake up darling!" your mother shook your body awake, causing you to grumble and thrash around. you were just having a dream about this peculiar event of 2 people switching bodies after a handshake. it was rather odd yet entertaining.

"what" you throw your limbs out on the bed in a lazy attempt to stretch and let out a groan. youe mother sighed and stood back. "its your 18th birthday today, the maids have your dress"

ah. there it is. the day youve literally blocked from your mind because of how much you simply detested the idea. it was signed and agreed 6 years ago that you, princess of the southern kingdom, would marry a prince from the eastern kingdom. though you had never met either of the princes, you had heard plenty of rumours and tales, some you believed, some you did not.

you slowly climbed out of bed, staggering a little as you walked towards the maids for your dressing. you didn’t actually need them, unless you were supposed to wear the death trap which is labelled a corset, but your parents insisted on you having them. so, you naturally made friends with them to make it as least of a work space as possible.

"good morning yeonha, nari" you greeted them with a smile which they returned. just because you weren’t necessarily the happiest doesnt mean you should relay the feeling onto the poor maids, and your friends.

"morning princess" nari said, causing you to roll your eyes. yes, they still called you princess out of habit and you hated it. as soon as your brother becomes the king, the first thing you’re doing is making everyone call you by your first name (as your parents refuse to let that happen as of currently).

with a deep sigh, you allowed yourself to be dressed, the constricting corset making you feel like your ribs were about to snap. the dress itself was beautiful though, a long pale blue dress which was off the shoulder, and had mesh sleeved elasticated around your wrists. your h/l hair was naturally curled, and fell around your face delicately as soon as the pin was removed, and one of your maids brushed the tresses. you were lucky in the aspect of hair, it was truly gorgeous and you had never hated it.

the heels were a slightly different case. they pinched your toes and no matter how much training you had to walk in them- they were satans creation. you preferred simple satin slippers, or just any shoe that does not have a stick on the end which could impale someone. a small golden and intricate crown was places atop your head, glittering earrings in and you were finished. you never really needed makeup, your natural beauty was well known in your kingdom though the people saw your kindness shine through more.

the southern kingdom was a very foresty and almost tropical place, with warm breezes and turqouise oceans, yet beautiful green trees and luscious grass, it was practically perfect. the eastern kingdom, was known to be a pretty cold place, not as freezing as the northern kingdom yet not as warm as the southern kingdom. oddly enough, the western kingdom was the hottest, mainly composed of sand and dry stone, one of your best friends lived in the western kingdom, prince jaemin.

huffing again, you left your room, concealing the winces from your feet which were already saw as you walked with quick steps to the throne room, where you would be waiting for the arrival of the eastern royalties. or so you thought. the frown on your face diminished into a look of shock and confusion when you saw the princes already there, turning to your parents who were glowering at you. oops, you were late.

"ah, y/n nice for you to finally join us" your mother said, grabbing your wrist and dragging you to stand next to her, facing the princes who were already bowing to you. there were two of them, one of which looked a little older with dark grey hair, and the other who had pitch black hair (pitch black hair was superior). the boy with grey hair was smiling at you and your curtseyed politely, but the black haired boy... he didnt look like he cared at all. reluctantly, you curtsey quickly before shooting a look at your mother.

"we welcome you warmly, prince taeyong and prince minhyung. we hope you enjoy your stay for the next month, dont hesitate to come to us if anything is not up to standards" your father bowed towards the boys. you stared distatastefully at the ground before looking up with a smile. even if you didnt want to marry yet, you may as well be nice to them as it is inevitable.

"y/n, go and make yourself useful whilst we show taeyong and minhyung their rooms" your mother said, staring into your eyes like a hawk. nodding you spun on your heels and walked out of the room rapidly, letting out a thankful sigh that you got out of that situation. roaming down the halls, you walk around, looking for any staff.

"oh! jeno!" you sped towards the knight in training. lee jeno was the mentoree of your mother’s knight, and soon to become yours.

"y/n!" he grinned and you wrapped your arms around him in a tight, warm hug. if you actually had a choice, you probably wouldve married jeno, seeing as he was your best friend and it wouldve been more of a friendship based marriage.

"how are the princes?" he asked, you locking your arm in his as you both walked down the halls. rolling your eyes you turned to face him.

"you know how i feel about this whole shitty marriage debacle. id rather not marry either- though im sure they’re lovely" that was another thing you did. always giving people the benefit of the doubt. jeno grimaced and nodded, his black hair bouncing softly as he did so.

"yeah i know. but you have a month, so maybe it would be good to try and get close to them at least" his naturally deep voice you had grown accustomed to, and it was hard to deny anything he said as all he spoke was truth. it wasnt like you had a choice anyway, it was all for some alliance. "yup" you muttered. looking outside, you saw sicheng, the gardener, planting new flowers and you gasped, tugging jenos arm. "look! lets go help out winwin" you dashed outside as fast as you could in your death traps for the feet, jeno trailing behind you. he knew how much you loved gardening and the outside.

"winwin~" you plopped next to him, promptly kicking off your heels as you kneeled on the soft grass, dress awkwardly flowing out around you. the gardener turned to you and smiled, pausing from digging out the old flowers and replacing them with newer ones.

"princess, did you need anything?" he asked, his attention now fully on you. nodding, you grab the other two trowels and handed one to jeno, grinning at winwin. "we have come to help" you announced, jeno chuckling at your eagerness to dig into soil. winwin nodded. "i see. well, you know what to do"

that was true. you often did spend time gardening with winwin and jeno, so it was unsurprising that you wanted to help again. digging into the dirt with a smile, you chatted with jeno and sicheng, just having a general good time whilst listening to the birds chirping and the riverstreams around the palace rushing. it was a very peaceful place, and you enjoyed it.

mark, who had finished talking with your parents was walking with his advisor, johnny, just around the castle when he saw your brother, prince yuta, looking out the window with a wide smile on his face. once yuta noticed their presence, he bowed towards them.

"oh, my apologies for not noticing you sooner" he apologised, which mark turned down with a small smile telling him it was okay. "is there something going on outside?" johnny asked, moving next to the window to see if something interesting was happening. following johnny, mark also stood at the window, all three of them now squeezed in as they looked out onto the palace gardens. marks gaze wandered before it landed on the 3 figures on the ground, planting flowers. it wasnt hard to figure out one of them was you, your crown gleaming in the sunlight. "did your parents force her to garden for a punishment?" johnny inquired to yuta who shook his head. "not at all, that doofus of a sister of mine likes doing things and has recently found enjoyment in gardening with sicheng" he answered softly, looking at his sister with adoration.

even from the window, mark could practically feel the waves of happiness radiating off of her. yet, they werent there when they met that morning.

#nct #mark #mark lee #lee minhyung #taeyong #lee taeyong #jolie #nct 127 #nct u #yuta #nakamoto yuta #prince mark is supreme

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lokikingofasgardslover713 · 4 years

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Viking Empire (AU)

Masterlist

My entry for Star’s Multi Fandom Follower Celebration

Prompt: Single Parent AU

Pairing: Loki Laufeyson X OFC

Warnings: Fluff, cursing

Summary: Falling pregnant with the child of famed second heir to the Odinson dynasty or what is more commonly known as the Viking Empire, Loki Laufeyson, it felt fair she keep it hidden. Hiding for five years, the OFC is faced with a meeting with Loki after the company is divided and he wants to meet with her in hopes or rekindling an old flame. How well does he take to the discovery of a child baring his likeness and the woman he hopped to rekindle love with?

A/N: This is a modern AU as well. I hope I did this justice, I’m not used to normal characters and felt out of my element, but I had fun with this. There is a lot to this AU, and I tried to highlight all I felt was need to know so there wasn’t a big dump of info. The idea behind this is Loki along with Thor are heirs to the Odinson fortune even after Loki branches off from the family business and becomes a very successful rock star that later returns after his mother passes and is stuck with taking care of Odin due to Thor's own career. She had been afraid to tell him of the little boy due to all the other fake claims to him being the father of illegitimate children.

Words: +2,700

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It had been 6 months after their last meeting face to face, and a total of 8 since their last Skype. That made it possibly 9 total, for her to end up here, on her back in agony and cursing at whomever was listening.

An order from the doctor had her taking note the labor wasn’t going as planned, the chaos becoming more frantic around her, no, them.

“We have to do a c-section,” the doctor began as he touched her shoulder and began to sling around all medical jargon possible.

“I told you this was a bad idea,” she snapped drawing back to the conversation this child wasn’t ready to be born. Another sharp contraction cutting her short just like the doctor.

“It won't take long,” the doctor spoke as it all became a frantic need to get her into the OR.

Thankfully she was allowed awake and heard the little boys first cry. Looking over as a smaller than what they anticipated wailing baby was hurried to the incubator. Checking him over, from what she could see from her sprawled out position on the table, he truly appeared healthy.

“Hand him here,” she spoke hurriedly, mother’s instinct telling her, she was what the infant needed. It took a few moments, but the doctor himself told them to lay the crying baby to her skin for him to instantly quiet.

"Hey little guy," she soothed to the small bundle the nurse held next to her, even allowing her to move an arm to wrap the bundle as she was sewn up. "Looks like it's just us, but we will make it just fine," she breathed, kissing the little bundle that squeaked and cooed.

5 years later

She supposed, at times, she should have informed Loki, one of the heirs to the Odinson fortune, -god knew only how they came to be so wealthy-, that he had a son. But, there had been so many false claims to both he and his brother, Thor, being fathers to illegitimate children after the company was divided between them, she figured it was best to keep quiet.

Besides, the two of them were doing great on their own, she had a steady job at the law firm where she had met Loki. The Loki Laufeyson, business mogul and rock star, who had sought out legal help in assuring his father was taken care of after the older monarch began to fall ill.

She even had the small house they lived in paid for a few years before little Liam came along. Having grown accustomed to raising the little boy on her own and preferred it.

Taken to focusing on and raising the now 5-year-old that was settled next to her on the couch, fast asleep. Looking down at the ebony haired boy, she decided it was best to let him rest while she checked over emails from work before starting dinner.

A new email popped up the moment she opened the app on her phone. Her heart hammered hard in her chest when she realized it was from Loki's personal email account.

Nervously, for the first time in years she hesitated to open the email, something twisted her gut. This was the account he used to speak to her of matters that was just them. This wasn't from his assistant, but anxiously she pressed on it to open the document.

Evening love,

I understand that this may not reach you until the following day, but I was hoping to come by and see you that same day. I understand if you can't or frankly wouldn't want to, but I would love for you and I to have dinner together and catch up. It has finally calmed down enough for me to leave the company, and thankfully my brother has returned to take some of the stress.

Hope to hear from you soon,

Loki Laufeyson

Looking to the little boy asleep in her side, she swallowed hard. Loki did need to know, that was no question, but she didn't want to sound like some money-grubbing whore. Maybe have him come by before Liam was dropped off from school to judge how the business mogul took to the child that was an exact copy of him.

Pressing the reply icon, she sat out to transcribe an email before losing her nerve.

Evening Loki,

It is great to hear from you and I'm glad to hear that Thor has returned to help with the company. Yes, dinner sounds great. Could you stop by Barnes and Rogers law firm at 3?

Pressing the send button made her panic instantly. This could go one of two ways, good or bad, there couldn’t be an in-between. Her breath hitched as in seconds the reply to her email popped back up and she instantly opened it.

That is great to hear, and l look forward to dinner tomorrow evening.

See you soon,

Loki Laufeyson

Shit. What had she just done? They were fine just the two of them, but here she was jumping at the first chance to meet Liam’s father like a horny schoolgirl. Closing out of the app, she tried to calm herself, rationalize.

If Loki didn't want to acknowledge Liam at all, then so be it. It would speak to his character as a man not hers as a mother. She had endured numerous questioning of who the father was, the talk of her being a whore behind her back by family and had gotten support from friends who loved her.

She could do this, even if she felt like panicking.

Sitting at her desk, it was one p.m.. A pling coming across the computer alerted her to an email had her waking the screen up to find it was Loki. Opening it without hesitation, it was now or never.

Love,

I'm running behind, it may slighly closer to three thirty, is this a problem? If so I will gladly reschedule so we can still see each other tonight.

Loki Laufeyson

Ok, she was shocked at how it sounded as if he was dying to see her. It was still his personal email, so that meant this was him and not a secretary. Clicking the reply she composed her own email.

Loki,

3:30 is fine, my cell number is 123-456-7891. Don't hesitate to text or call if you need to.

Tapping send, it dawned on her that Liam would be here at that point. Heat flooded her cheeks as she looked out to the reception desk and her friend poked his head in.

"You aright? You look sick," Bucky chuckled, he was the owners son, having taken over the law firm after his father’s death. They handled big accounts such as Stark and T’Challa, but that didn't stop them from being down to earth and caring for one another.

"I'm fine," she faked, they had worked together enough to know she was lying, and he was the first to put together she was pregnant. Not to mention she was 100 percent sure Bucky knew that Loki was Liam’s father.

"Nope, you're not," he spoke stepping into the room to shut her door to speak privately. "Come on doll, tell me what’s going on. Youve been jumpy all morning."

"I have not been jumpy," she retorted, sitting back in her seat to cross her arms over her chest to stick her tongue out at him. "It's Liam’s father."

"He contact you?"

"Yeah, he wants to have dinner this evening. I guess we will find out how he feels about Liam," she smiled nervously as Bucky took a seat in front of her desk to lounge back.

"Well, however it goes, you know we got your back," he smiled reassuringly.

She had no way of telling Bucky how that put her at ease. Bucky meant it when he told her that, the entire firm got involved when it came to Liam, they helped with childcare, arrangements if she couldn't break away from court and all that. Not to mention all they did right after birth to make her life easier.

"Good to know Buck," she smiled, she didn't want to think of how far south this could go if Loki went off the deep end and began to make demands of she and Liam.

A little after three, Liam came running into the law firm fresh off the bus, the young black-haired boy getting everyone involved in his usual late evening excitement. Natasha was sure to hurry out and give him a hug and snack she kept for him; the red head loved the little boy like her own. It had been hard on she and Bucky when they found out she couldn’t bare children, but this worked out in Liam's favor. They got the kid whatever he asked for.

Finally running into his moms office, he hurried to show his treat before going to his miniature desk and chair Steve had bought for Liam when he was born. She couldn’t help but smile over at him, watching as he pulled a book out to look it over as the door chimed that someone had entered.

It was still only ten after three and it would be awhile before Loki showed. Getting to her feet she smoothed out the pants suit to great the visitor only to pause in the doorway. The common phrase stick in her throat as she met the man's emerald gaze.

“Good evening,” she finally choked out to Loki with a smile as he made several large strides to stand before her.

He looked great, hot, in the black on black suit and tie, his hair longer but styled nicely. This was in no way the man she knew used to dress in leather, this wasn't the rocker she dealt with. He had changed, but it wasn’t a bad look.

Noting him look to her side, he had opened his mouth to speak only to pause as his gaze fell on the black haired, green eyed boy that stared back at him.

“Um. Good evening," Loki finally croaked, coming out of his stupor as she looked down to Liam then back to Loki.

"This is Liam," she finally croaked herself. "Please don't make a scene," she pleaded quietly so only Loki heard, she seen the anger in his eyes flash, but it had calmed as he looked over the tall 5-year-old who turned to step back to his little desk and finish his snack.

"I'm not. I came here to ask-. To see if you would agree to-. Dinner, how do the two of you feel about dinner at the Lotus? I arranged for a private room, there is enough seating," he garbled together quickly but elegantly. If Liam was truly his child, which there was no doubt he was, then Loki in no way wanted to be an absent father one like his own step-father Odin.

Giving a careful nod and smile, she agreed with Loki. "Dinner sounds great, let me shut everything down and we will leave."

"Excellent, I have a car waiting a block away, so we want be bothered," he admitted, knowing how she felt about all the attention, and now he himself didn't want it all over the news of his son and the mother of his child.

The evening was quiet, it surprised her Loki spoke to Liam, asking him questions about school and what he liked. It thrilled the boy someone was interested in his comic books, chattering away through the meal for him to only quiet when dessert arrived in the form of chocolate cake.

A careful caress over her knuckles had her turning attention from Liam, who was all but wearing the cake, to Loki who was continuing his ministrations on her hand. Meeting his gaze, she seen care, it appeared he was enthralled with her raising the boy on her own.

"Why didn't you ever tell me love," he asked quietly, caressing her knuckles still as he held her gaze, though it flicked to Liam then back to Loki.

"It wasn't the time; you had just inherited the company along with Thor. It was a lot for all of us to take in honestly. I composed several emails and deleted them. I didn't want you to think I was helpless that I was trying to take anything form you, especially as you were getting your life back in order. I-."

"It's fine love. It's fine," he cut her off kindly, a stark difference from the man she first met. It appeared he was doing well. "We will talk more tonight, if you would like."

"I would. You are welcome in our home anytime," she smiled as Liam finished the cake and began to chatter away once more to Loki who gave a kind smile and pulled away from her.

“When was he born,” Loki asked the moment she returned from putting Liam to bed after his bath.

“July 8th,” she spoke, giving a smile as she picked up his Ironman backpack to riffle through it before placing it on the hook next to the front door with the coats. Turning to note the look of understanding on the man's face as he lounged on her couch.

"He does well in school?"

"He does. Top of his class actually, loves to read like his father," she smiled as she stepped close to the couch to take a seat, meeting Loki's gaze as he sat forward, giving her all of his attention.

“Look,” she huffed, knowing it was best to get it out in the open. “I don’t need any help; we’ve done just fine on our own. You have no obligation to Liam or me for that fact.”

A sour looked crossed the man's features as if what she said was foreign to him. Shaking his head he ventured to scoot closer, he had come here to actually attempt to rekindle with her, but now it appeared he had an added bonus.

“Did I say anything that would make you think I would just toss the two of you to the side?” Loki seemed to snap; it wasn't aimed at her. Damn she was bold, no wonder he was and still is taken with her. “I want to-. I don’t want to abandon either of you. You know the hell I suffered, why would I intentionally do that to my own son, and the mother to my son.”

Taken back by his sudden admittance, she paused and looked the man over. That wasn’t what she expected, it was more along the lines of thanks for accompanying me to dinner, but this just isn't going to work; or possibly demand proof he was the father and maybe go to the extreme of taking Liam.

Though she had a feeling he was far from it as he scooted so their knees touched. Not moving as he reached out a hand to take her own in his tenderly.

“Then don’t," she spoke, surprised she wasn't pushing him away, but this felt so much like the Loki she knew, she didn't want him to stop.

"I'm sorry love," he breathed, leaning in close, freehand caressing across her cheek, one he couldn't help but relish in the familiarity of. The many times he had taken her to bed summed up into one gesture.

"It's life Loki, it's the hand we were dealt. But we have a chance to make it right," she smiled, hand trailing down her side to push the elastic of the lounge pants to caress over the scarred flesh of her lower abdomen.

Loki pushed back from her, making her realize she hadn't told Loki how Liam was born. Surprised when he gingerly pushed the elastic to look at the pink scar running hip to hip across the plump flesh. Looking up to meet her gaze, she seen worry in his eyes, he knew this couldn't have been easy for her.

"I'm fine, he was just born early due to gestational diabetes. They kind of took him a little too early but he was born perfect," she smiled feeling his finger trace the scar before he moved to wrap her face and pull her lips to his.

"Thank god," he whispered across her lips, pressing his to hers feverishly.

"Let's make this work, the two of you by my side love," he breathed as the kiss broke and he gathered her into his lap. "We will take it slow. Keep it private."

"That sounds perfect," she hummed, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and pulling tight as he returned the hug.

Tags are OPEN! REBLOGS ALWAYS WELCOMED!

Tags: @marshyrebelcloud@dark-night-sky-99 @gramaeryebard @katstablook @andiyholly @jovanna-shewolf @nickyl316h @aslandia726 @furstinnajoelle @itsbqueenthings @collinsstanharbour @jazzieomega @moonlightprime @bambamwolf87 @tomhardy41 @get-loki @drakonwild @alexakeyloveloki @scorpionchild81 @moonfaery @devilbat @cherrygeek86 @cruel-kitten @chaoticfiretaconerd @wayward-student-philosopher @blah6666 @jane-777 @the-minus-four@iamverity

#star’s multi fandom follower celebration #Loki Laufeyson #marvel au #loki x reader #single parent au #loki x y/n #loki x plus size reader

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suffering-and-happy-about-it · 5 years

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WhatsApp? Part 15. (Steve Rogers x reader)

Description: You’ve never been lucky with guys. You just wanted to catch someone’s eye, to be loved. One day, that’s about to turn completely - with one fake, completely imagined number a guy gave you.

A/N: “Let’s talk about s*x baby, let’s talk about you and me.”, going off the rails, as I always tend to. Enjoy, babes.

Warnings: Oh, first kiss like hello bitch? Some smut happening/implied at the end of the chapter. Also, I think it's time to properly hit it off and just slowly start to slide towards the end.

Word Count: 3.7 K

Tagging: @missdictatorme, @songforhema, @mikariell95, @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory

Read the rest here: Part One Part Two Part three Part four Part five Part Six Part seven Part eight Part nine Part ten Part eleven Part twelve Part thirteen Part fourteen

If you like to have your readings in order :): H E R E

You couldn't actually believe that it happened - for some unknown reason, you found a fucking gem hidden amongst the other guys, with such a silly coincidence. Yeah, having Steve close could be described as a drug, simply.

The evenings after your work were the absolute best. It was nice to have fancy dinners, to go into some crazy places; but as the weather got crazier and crazier, you started to have him over. Sometimes, he even slept at your place. On the sofa, but you tried your best to stay cool about that.

It wasn't about you not being attractive or whatever - it was just about Steve being Steve. That was just a thing you discovered throughout the time. Steve being Steve consisted of holding your hand on the street occasionally, but just really innocently, sitting far away from you on the sofa, really gentlemen manners, never ever being mature or whatever.

Bucky told you that those things were completely normal around that man out of time - and that it was bullshit to wait for him changing the things around. Not gonna happen, girl.

“How about yesterday’s hangout?” - Bucky asked from somewhere between Deena’s neck as he kissed her tenderly. You, Buck, Deena, and Sam were hanging out for that day’s lunch pause and so far so good.

“You already know the answer, Buck.” - You mumbled and rearranged the glasses on your nose. Yesterday, Steve was having a sleepover at your place and you watched Harry Potter together. That man never saw those movies and Sam hadn't the time to show him.

It was all fun, kind of romantic, cheesy enough, it was fun with a lot of popcorn and some really sweet drinks. As usually, Steve fell asleep on your couch, this time during the three trials of the Goblet of fire. Then you turned the movie off, covered him in a spare blanket and called it a day as well.

“Lemme guess.” - Deena looked at you from under Bucky’s armpit and you almost didn't see her eyes because of the cap she was wearing. That piece of clothing was definitely her boyfriend’s. Sam Wilson, another of their friends, was walking on your second side, sipping some green-ish smoothie which looked disgusting to you. - “Steve was acting like Steve, wasn't he?”

“I’m tellin’ ya, girl. Ma boy is just all over the place from you, even after all the time ya just simply hang out with him...” - Sam threw a hand over your shoulder and shook you a bit, offering you a sip from that disgusting smoothie.

The more you got to know Sam, the more touchy and feely person he was around you. But it wasn't too much at all or something like that; it was just in a friendly way and you could feel that. So his huge fucking arm over your tiny shoulder? That was a normal thing for you at that time - after hanging out with Steve for three to four months.

The first date was something that almost made you explode with happiness - Steve really put some effort into that. It wasn't effortless after that one night, not at all; but Steve was still nervous around you. Sweet and caring, but fucking nervous. And you could feel that.

But you wanted to cuddle, you would beg to be kissed, you would bring him the whole world if he only indicated that he loves you. You just needed that - your patience was wearing. It would take only a slow push to throw you off the fucking cliff.

And you pushed his fucking smoothie away because it just smelled so terribly.

“You would bet your fucking birdy brain, asshole.” - You looked at Sam with a shocked face.

“Then fucking do it, girl, and stop yellin’ at me. It ain't my fault at all. Jesus, those hormones are just fuckin’ you up.” - Sam said and watched you like you were a fucking psycho. Yeah. The period was always the toughest time in women's life - and you were letting Sam and Steve letting to know your feelings. From the men, you were always only nice to Bucky, because he was always nice to you.

You didn't have your period, it ended up like three days ago, but you told Sam that it continued so you could behave like a dick to him without finding excuses, which you did anyways.

“So, it is pretty obvious to me. Because your little Stevie is fucking oblivious, we need to make a plan.” - Deena peeped from under Bucky and opened the door to the bistro you were visiting that day. As usual, there were a few ladies and some young boys who desperately wanted to take a photo with the less known Avengers.

You knew how to handle those situations with smiles - Steve had taught you, how not to freak out when someone wanted to take a photo with him. It usually happened when you and Steve went to the supermarket or to take some takeaway food. The people were just so happy to meet those superheroes in person, to have a small talk and to leave.

That was pretty ok and some fans of Steve, Buck or Sam even appreciated you, asked about your day and so on. Sometimes they even insisted on having you and Deena on the photo, usually adding something like “Even a supersoldier needs a shoulder to lay and cry on” or “Behind every successful superhero, there is a woman” and you personal favourite was “Superheroes find super girlfriends who can bare their whole history and personality and love them for who they are” (you saw that on one young lady’s Instagram story - there was a photo of you watching Steve with a dead stare when he was choosing his ice cream’s flavor for a half an hour; Peter had shown it to you while you were at work.)

“What kind of plan, Deena?” - You raised her eyebrows at her and she and Buck shared a stare like it was completely obvious.

“I would name it the ’Seducing Steve’ plan for work purposes.” - She said in a laid back tone and sat down into the furthest box.

And so, wizardry and witchcraft were starting when those three started to discuss how to seduce Steve Fucking Rogers.

---

“Oh, she's in a good mood.” - Bucky answered Steve’s question when he and Sam came back home from their work out. - “It is a pity that youve missed that lunch. We had such a good time.”

“Oh, yea?!” - Sam shouted from the bathroom so loudly, that the glasses started to shake. - “Yo girl almost killed me four thousand times, she was grumpy and a pain in my fuckin’s ass!”

“That is what you get from messing with the ladies. Oh wow, how sad I am that she didn't hit your forearm with that fork.” - Bucky yelled back and Steve was really confused - he was about to buy her some chocolate nonetheless and some other snacks, but he needed to know how he should act.

“WHAT?!” - Sam’s head peeked from behind the door at that exact moment. - “She started all those kinds of beef and now your taking her side? Traitor!” - The chocolate skinned diva closed the door again.

“I will leave you to that.” - Steve slowly put his jacket on, but Buck and Sam got into their beef so much that they didn't even notice that Steve is leaving. - “Today is the day od Lord of the Rings. I'm curious about that and I hope I won't fall asleep.” - He smiled and left the flat, writing you a super-short text.

Steve: See you at your place in ten.

---

You checked yourself in the mirror for the last time - you had a lumberjack shirt put on because according to Sam and Buck, Steve was secretly living for women in shirts; especially with some nice top under it. Fuckingly tight jeans were just something that needed to be and some high-heeled boots were it.

Sam said that you didn't need anything more than that.

But Bucky laughed devilishly, kissing Deena on her temple. You needed one last thing before you could call your plan a success. Other man’s attention. And Bucky was fucking sure you could achieve that, you little hidden she-devil.

And he knew that other man’s attention is something that can make Steve all worked up. Bucky chuckled; he was sure that it will be more than enough to work Steve up for not only just a kiss. But he shut his bitch ass up - if you will take a day off tomorrow, he will know that the plan worked.

When Steve showed at your door, you let him in - but only to put the paper bag near your fridge. Then you put your old, but the still sexy, jacket on. This one especially Deena’s favorite; she used to say that this jacket was making your boobs bigger and that it practically screams fuck-me-here-and-now. The only problem with it was that it wasn't really warm.

“You're going somewhere?” - Steve asked with a small smile, frowning a bit.

“Yeah. I want to leave for the night, have some fun in the downtown. Sorry that I didn't text you that I'm changing the schedule, I just thought that I can surprise you.” - You locked the door to your apartment and took his elbow to your hand, leading that poor and scared man behind you.

From nowhere, Deena took some tickets out of her purse - it was tickets to some local stage where a DJ would be performing. She wanted to go, but in the last while, she decided that she wanted to do something different - which implied that she wanted to fuck the night away.

But it was your chance after all - a chance that shouldn't be left alone. And if Steve would not hit on you after that? Well, at least you could drink your fucking ass off before showing him what courage looks like.

The night was pretty cold, today at least, but it wasn't that much of a long road. The sky was all iron cold and almost white, illuminated with the yellow shining of the city lamps. Something about that felt nice when you and he walked next to each other on the crowded streets, laughing and simply talking without the smallness of your room, without watching every move he made, if he wasn't closer or too far away.

He felt less nervous. Bucky got an idea why, but again, that fucker just smiled and sipped his diet cola without giving you a proper fucking answer.

"So, we're in front of the club. Come on, I wanna have some fun!" - You smiled and basically dragged that poor man inside. Oh yeah. Modern-day disco - Steve Rogers's personal nightmare. His greatest enemy which he couldn't beat even if he tried to.

There was a lot of young people - including people from the age of eighteen, maybe even younger, and up. Steve wasn't feeling his best, that was for sure. But he was doing it for you, that kept him going.

The show itself was good - you screamed most of the lyrics because you knew them from when you and Pete turned on the radio and sang along. That man was a fucking bomb of that summer, which made you wonder why would Deena give up on that tickets so easily and why he was performing for such a small crowd when he could sell out stadiums full of people.

"I'm going for another beer!" - You screamed to Steve, he needed to lean down, and you shook the empty plastic cup. - "You want some?"

Steve would gladly not accept your offer, just because you were getting drunk as hell, and he didn't even know that you had two shots of some really good Russian vodka stuff in each of your cups of the beer. He was drinking as well, but he knew that nothing, except Thor's centuries-old ale, could bring him on his knees.

But he gently refused with a smile, biting those comments down into his lower lip. You shook your shoulders and left to get some other shit.

A guy trailed you down at the bar; he had his eyes on you since the very beginning. Your enthusiasm for the music, your dancing moves and knowing almost every lyric made him watching you all the time. You seemed to have company - but since the man wasn't holding your lips from behind while you danced, since he didn't even kiss you, the bar guy assumed that it isn't your date.

Just a friend. That's what Steve was in his eyes.

"You seem to be enjoying yourself!" - That guy shouted at you so you could at least barely hear him through the EDM and basses. - "I live for that, sweetie! Name's Rick, by the way!" - He offered you a hand. You accepted it without further thinking; it was warm, dry and he had a firm handshake.

He was pretty handsome, you needed to say that, but it was fading away in comparison to Steve's eyes. Girl, you needed to hit a home run that night so bad. You just needed to, not thinking about the rest which might follow right behind.

"Name's Y/N. Awesome to meet you!" - You smiled, getting the cash out of your back pocket.

"Leave it there, Jesus. It's my treat!" - Rick bumped your palm away and quickly paid the beer and two shots. He was watching as you poured them down to the beer with an open mouth. - "Wow. That's something. I like your style!" - He smiled widely and you chuckled.

"So what are you searching for in here?" - He asked when you poured half of the bear down your throat. You frowned cluelessly at him. - "Everyone in there is searching for something. Some of them are feeling tough since they used their fake IDs, some people are looking for a good fuck in here, someone's mingling out there. Might be my case!"

"Oh, really?" - You opened your mouth. Girl, you were so wasted at that moment, I tell you. - "How so?"

"A bad breakup. I'm trying to find someone who would like to mingle!" - He shouted over the start of a new song. - "You?"

"Hitting my best shot with a totally clueless guy! You see him? He's Captain America himself!" - You shouted and Rick suddenly stopped. Shit. Captain was eyeing him down with a dead stare and you were his fucking girl. He needed to back off as soon as he fucking could to save his own damn ass. - "He's the sweetest and most caring guy ever! You know? But when we're alone, he's all nervous. I need to make him make a move with me finally."

"Yeah. I don't wonder why he's nervous. You're so gorgeous!" - Rick complimented you light-heartedly. It made you smile and you tenderly pat his shoulder.

That was all Steve needed to see. A guy whispering you things, you touching his shoulder and laughing out loud. You had the most beautiful face when you were laughing. And he wasn't the reason for that laughter. Steve just stopped from anything he was doing and frowned, watching your every move.

He knew he was taking things too slowly. He was acting like a fifth-grader around you, but it had a specific and good reason. Steve was sure as hell that he would lose control as soon as his lips would touch yours. You smelled so good, you were funny, beautiful and for that matter, he was sleeping on ice for the last seventy years. And he was a man.

It would be a disgrace for Steve to say that he's horny. Or to say it out loud. But the truth is that is was almost painfully obvious for Bucky and Sam, and basically for every single person who knew Steve. Like Natasha specifically.

But sometimes, when you watched the movie like nothing mattered, Steve looked at your partially opened lips and eyes slowly winking, on that messy hair and a right t-shirt - and suddenly, all he could think about was sex. Or literally tearing the top off you, so he could see more of that body. Or just standing behind you while you leaned down to search through your cupboards, just to gently circle his hands around your waist and to brush his weakest spot on that peachy ass.

That was when Steve sat straight and moved even further away from your body. He didn't want to look like a horny rabbit in your eyes. Even if you wanted to fuck soul out of his body when the nearest chance comes by.

You were both such dummies in that matter. Even Peter could tell Steve's not relaxed bevause of something when he met him for the first time. Peter had similar feelings for Liz Allen, but he was just itching to kiss her. Peter could instantly tell what the fuck is going on.

But you couldn't. That's why you were standing at the bar with Rick's face practically laid on your shoulder. And Steve didn't know what to do first - if he should beat the soul out of his fucking body or if he should you home.

The other option said way better.

You could see Steve's body coming through the crowd directly to you and you bit your lip. Fucking Bucky Barnes. He was right; of course, he was, he knew Steve way better than anybody. You looked at Rick and raised your eyebrows, pouring that drink down.

"Wish me luck, Rick." - You kissed his cheek just to work Steve up even more. - "Hoping for the best lady for you to mingle with!" - You held your fingers crossed tightly when Steve approached you in his typical not-so-sure-about-anything behavior. He leaned down to your ear, touching your jaw with shaking fingers.

"Do you want to leave this place?" - He asked in a sultry tone and you smiled at him. You were drunk, your eyes were shining, your smile was big as ever and even though the beer was smelling from you, you were one of the sexiest ladies Steve has ever seen. So when you nodded, he exhaled.

Oh man, did he finally worked up the courage to do you things you will never forget? He was all heated up when you stood in front of the club as you watched the first snowflakes of that year fall down onto the ground.

He covered you in his jacket because your fuck-me jacket was lost somewhere inside.

"Your place or mine?" - He whispered, playing with his thumbs on your jawline.

"What?" - You asked drunkenly and giggled.

"Don't you try to play that innocent card on me now." - He stood up laughing, watching the people looking at you. No stupid photos now; he would most likely kill them if they would ask. Right now, he had some bigger problems which you needed to solve. - "I know what you're after. And I'm after that as well, kitten. So... I'm asking, you if it's your place or mine."

Sam was at home at that time - not much of a problem for Rogers. He would just swing you on his shoulder, look at his friend and he knew that Sam would immediately know that he should leave the place hella fast. Buck was over at Deena's and Steve knew that they're probably occupied by each other as well.

"Mine. Definitely mine." - You sighed and let him lead you home through the crowds of people. They were staring at you two - Cap and his drunk girlfriend. Oh, did Steve know that his reputation will be torn apart in tomorrow's news and he couldn't care less?

Steve was sure that Tony will be making fun of him or teasing him alongside Clint, Bucky and Sam will be eager to hear every single detail, Natasha will have that sultry face and curious eyes - but Steve decided that every one of them could go fuck themselves if they want.

All he wanted at that moment was you, finally naked, in the shortest time possible.

You almost crashed the door to your flat. The first kiss sure wasn't as romantic or slow or pure as would've wished, but you didn't think about that much. Why? Your back was pressed to the wall next to your door as you were slowly turning into a moaning mess.

There was a little thing that nobody knew about Captain America himself, maybe even Bucky didn't - he was extremely eager. Thanks to his self-control, he was somehow able to hide that element of his personality in front of the others. But he knew how he acts when he has nothing that would make him stop.

The warmth of someone's body leads to touching. Touch leads to a kiss. The kiss leads to foreplay. Foreplay leads to showing you the heaven's gate. That was just how he saw things.

You stripped the jacked off your body in a short five seconds, along with the shirt. You could hear your furniture moving, falling down and crashing onto the ground. You didn't fucking care at all.

Steve was hot under your touch, firm and smooth, his kisses were sweeter than Bucky's plums and the palms on your ass were making you nuts.

Boy, you didn't know what pleasure the man out of time will bring you that night; but you couldn't wait.

#Steve Rogers #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x reader #captain america #sam wilson #tha falcon #james buchanan barnes #james barnes #the winter soldier #mcu #marvel cinamatic universe #marvel universe #marvel fanfic #steve rogers imagine #whatsapp

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looking-for-wisdom · 5 years

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Catholic Guilt

When your mom and dad marry they decide to raise you and your siblings Catholic. Your dad is agnostic but he knows this is important to her, so he agrees to help how he can. They have three girls. Mass is attended every Sunday and you go to bible school each week. They’ve done everything right.

You fight with your siblings often during services when you’re young. An hour feels like a very long time to be still and the whole ceremony is so dull. Of course, you know it means something, but you’re r a child. When your older you see the younger you in each child misbehaving during prayers. But despite the boredom it all feels a bit like magic to you. Your faith just feels like a part of breathing. Youve never known life without it. It’s easy. It’s natural.

Being Catholic, there are all sorts of classes to attend and sacraments to receive. Your mother ensures you attend. She even makes you the little white dress you wear to your first communion. Some classes are more fun than others, but you like answering teachers questions and asking queries that stump them. Sometimes they say odd things, but it doesn’t bother you too much. You asked about a friend once, who wasn’t religious, questioning where she’d go after all this. Your teacher struggled to explain only Christians can go to heaven, but she hasn’t met your friend. Your friend is good and will obviously go to heaven too. It’s ok, teachers make mistakes sometimes. Nothing to fret about.

You get older. It starts with a disconnect. You don’t fee quite as in touch as you did as a child, but you assume this is normal. You still have so much time, and many people don’t truely understand their faith until later. You just have to wait for the moment where everything clicks. You’re patient and you don’t mind biding your time. During that time you keep going to classes and summer camps, and every time you arrive you think this will be the day you understand. The epiphanies fade, though, not long after. It’s difficult, but you can’t give up.

You don’t know what to call it until many years later, but your anxiety first starts manifesting around the age of twelve. Religion class gets harder. You don’t know anyone there and they all seem to get it on a level you just... don’t. You still go to church every week with your family. Your beginning to understand what the priests say better now and some of it... is odd. It’s hard to keep track of all the lessons and you’re worried you won’t be able to keep up with it all. If you forget one you risk salvation and that’s a fear you really don’t know how to cope with. You don’t always agree, either. Your father may support your mothers faith but you still a lot of him in you. He teaches you morals and you can’t help but feel the church teaches some things that just feel wrong— like your teacher all those years ago who said your kind friend would not go to heaven. Surely that’s not God’s plan, but then again, the priests don’t make mistakes, do they?

The disconnect grows. You have a lot of rough weeks. Months. Years. You still don’t have a name for the stuff going on in your head but you cry often and pray for a sign that life isn’t just going to be decades of hating yourself so devoutly. It feels like a punishment and you’re not sure what you did wrong. You’re mad, and you feel incredibly guilty about it but maybe God doesn’t love you. Maybe this is all on purpose. The question sprouts: whats wrong with you? It has yet to go away.

You prepare for confirmation around the same time. There’s a lot of work to go along with it and really you can’t seem to bring yourself to do it when you feel so alone. The woman who teaches your confirmation lessons enrages you. She’s so cruel, so arrogant, so condemning. You have enough fears and you don’t need her adding to the pile, but she does anyway. Your mother is sympathetic but there’s nothing to be done. You have to be confirmed. This is the only option. On the final test you get frustrated and write angry notes to her in the answer blanks. She wasn’t happy, but you didn’t see her again, so no harm done.

Your confirmed now. You expect things to change. They don’t.

The 2016 election rolls around and things get bad. Your understanding of the world is expanding and you find that your beliefs don’t always line up with what your church preaches. You believe abortion is more complicated than they present it and that people should love who they like. They tell you to vote red in the name of God, but that doesn’t feel like God to you. And your mother... sometimes you find her crying over things they say. She’s like you— she was raised on this faith but it doesn’t come easy. You can’t comfort her, you can’t even comfort yourself. You can’t help but feel like God wouldn’t make your mother sob this way.

Freshman year you come to terms with it. You aren’t straight. It’s not easy, to this day your mother doesn’t know. She doesn’t condem it but she often says she doesn’t have to like it either. If she knew she was saying she didn’t have to like you she would reconsider. You know she would, and yet you don’t want to risk it. Not over something you can hide. You can’t change who you are but the faith that no longer comes as easy as it once did feels almost like a trap now.

You switch churches not long after. Your mom hopes it will make things better. You, to put it simply, are just... scared.

Catholic family. Mom, sister, you, sister. Dad tags along and Yknow, 4/5 isn’t a bad score. Except, when your older sister comes home from college she’s found that it’s better for her health to stay away. You wish you could join her. Mom, you, sister and dad tags along. Dad isn’t home all the time though, and now that the oldest is out he sometimes decides to keep her company at home instead of going to mass. You wish you could join them. Mom, you, sister. Your younger sister has Down’s syndrome and it’s hard on mom trying to explain the faith. She just doesn’t get it. Sometimes she stays home because mom is too tired to handle her on her own. Mom, you. Mom’s got one shot left. She’ll be devastated if you fall away too, and you can’t do that to her. You want to say it hurts you but she expects you to be the one to stay with the faith she gave to you. You learn to be the strong one. Don’t complain, keep mom happy, and never let them know how hard it is on you. You know it’s for the best but you hate it sometimes.

She tells you she’s failed sometimes, in raising her kids good Catholic girls. To you it just sounds like there’s something wrong with you, but haven’t you known that for... a long time? Every other kid seemed to have a connection that you don’t.

You think to turn to your friends who aren’t religious for solace, but they judge you, call you a hypocrite for claiming to have faith when the Bible says all these things you don’t obey. If only they knew that’s what has been killing you slowly since the day you were born. They want you to give it up, stop preaching your religion at them. It’s not your intent to make them feel as if you are forcing it on them so you learn not to talk about those things at school.

A war goes on in your mind. You can’t have both your faith and your beliefs— you can’t move past your trauma while still stepping in the place that caused it. But not doing both isn’t an option.

You pick up the phone to the God you can’t help but love despite it all, and you can’t hear the answer. Everyone says to just keep ringing, youre just not listening hard enough. Everyone says to just hang up, as if this telephone line that’s been with you since birth can go away just like that. Everyone has some magic fix-it answer. No one wants to say it’s alright. Faith is difficult, and trying your best is enough sometimes. No one wants to hug you when you’re alone and confused because you can’t turn to anyone.

They don’t want to listen to what you have to say, so you learn to take this on by yourself, never quite a Catholic, but never not one either.

#i dont know what to describe this as i just wanted to put it into words #cause i rhought maybe people might understand #cw religon #cw trauma #cw homophobia #cw christianity #cw anxiety #my writing #poetry #not sure if it actually is poetri but thats the most fitting thing i can thing of #catholiscism #christianity

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inyournightmares97 · 5 years

Text

My Youth (Chapter 6)

Broken and miserable, Park Jinyoung returns to his hometown to learn that no matter how hard he falls, there are still people who think he’s a hero.

Warnings: Mentions of suicide/depression, death, angst, slow build, maybe some language.(Please don’t ask when I’ll update. Wait until the series is finished to read if you’re impatient.)

Word Count: 5.7k+

(Can’t put links to the other parts here, please check my Masterlist/the reblog for the Prologue and Chapters 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5)

“-Mom, I’m busy,” Jinyoung muttered into the phone. He had been sitting in a crucial meeting with the Finance Director of GOT Tech and representatives of the Financial Regulatory Board. Receiving approval for his company to go public was one of the most critical and risky steps in Jinyoung’s career.

His mother, however, had been calling him constantly for the last twenty minutes.

Mrs. Park sounded upset. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung, dear. I just needed to reach you-”

“Mom, I’m in an extremely important meeting right now. Do you know how it looks when the Managing Director of GOT Group keeps getting calls from his mother during business meetings? What do you want from me?” Jinyoung demanded in a frustrated whisper, running his fingers through his hair. He tried not to let his agitation show on his face; the other high-profile attendees of the meeting could still see him through the glass wall of the conference room.

“Jinyoung, there’s been a terrible tragedy in town,” his mother began nervously. “I don’t… I don’t know how to tell you this, but i suppose there’s no easy way to talk about a death. Remember I told you that I’ve been going to the hospital every day to meet-”

Jinyoung felt a burst of irritation. The clock was ticking. The Board members were waiting for him impatiently and he could see the disapproval on their faces. “Mom, did you call me to tell me that someone died?”

“Well… yes, but-”

“Mom, I have been preparing for this presentation for months. The future of my company depends on this meeting. This is absolutely the worst time you could have chosen to tell me something like this,” Jinyoung muttered through gritted teeth. He took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “Please don’t mess up my focus right now. We can talk about this later. Do you need anything from me urgently?”

Mrs. Park hesitated. “You always seem to be busy these days. I just thought… if we could maybe help out with the funeral expenses or the hospital bills…”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. “Mom, you can just call my secretary for that. She’ll send you whatever amount you need. Send them flowers from me or something, okay? I have to go now.”

“Take care, Jinyoung, dear-”

“Bye, Mom.”

Jinyoung hung up and sighed, pressing his fingers to his temple. His personal secretary had followed him out of the room and was watching him nervously. He hadn’t even asked his mother who it was that had passed away. Was it somebody he knew? Maybe it was best that he didn’t think about it too much for now.

“Take my Mom’s call and ask her who died, send them money for the funeral and all those formalities,” Jinyoung told his secretary shortly. She nodded and made a note of it on her phone quickly while Jinyoung cleared his mind.

Focus. The presentation. The numbers.

Jinyoung took a deep, calming breath and plastered a rehearsed smile on his face before he turned to enter the conference room once more.

“I’m so sorry to keep you gentlemen waiting,” Jinyoung greeted all the well-dressed men with a bright smile. “I hope you can forgive me. Mothers seem to have a knack for calling at the most inconvenient times, don’t they?”

The men chuckled politely. “That’s perfectly fine, Mr. Park.”

“May I begin the presentation?”

“Please, do.”

--------

Jinyoung believed that to achieve something great, you needed to make certain sacrifices.

He had always known that the path he was embarking upon was not an easy one. Establishing your own business meant that you didn't get off work at 5 pm sharp, you couldn’t spend your weekends at a countryside cabin or getting drinks with your friends. You needed to keep working until things got done. You needed to compete in the market. You needed to be strong enough to pick up after your losses and clever enough to make friends in the right places. People were depending on you.

Jinyoung hadn’t merely chosen a career, he had chosen a life.

A very lonely life.

Whenever his mother would call him and try to have a casual chat, Jinyoung would find himself irritated. Who cared whether Mrs. Lee from the grocery store was giving a discount on strawberry bread? What did it matter if Mr. Cha had been trying to sell his little farmland? There was important work to be done. Jinyoung needed to talk to the advertising agents to make sure his products were being launched properly, he needed to negotiate discounts with suppliers to ensure he could meet the planned pricing goals. There were employees relying on him. There were investors who had trusted him with their money. There were quarterly goals that had to be met.

Every second of Jinyoung’s time was precious. Why couldn’t everyone understand that? Why couldn’t his mother stop thinking that her tiny little world in this tiny little town was everything, and understand the importance of what her son was doing?

There are a limited number of hours every man has at his disposal. We each make a conscious choice regarding how to spend each one.

It was only now, standing in front of your mother’s grave, that Jinyoung came a terrifying realization.

He had made the wrong choices.

------

“It was heart failure,” Mrs. Park whispered.

Jinyoung’s hands clutched the cup of tea firmly. It was hot and uncomfortable, but not more than the sick feeling in his stomach. Every word his mother spoke made him feel more pathetic.

What had he been doing all those months while your mother was in hospital and when she’d died? Preparing for his company to go public? Sitting in meetings and sucking up to corporate officials? Only to be fired and thrown out of the company. Only to have missed the death of somebody who had trusted him and cared for him.

“But she couldn’t have been that old…” Jinyoung muttered.

Mrs. Park shook her head softly. “She’d always had a weak heart, Jinyoung. Her health was fragile and after her husband passed away she had no choice but to work to support her daughter. All those long hours and late nights for years… they took their toll in the end. She had her first stroke three years ago. She was in hospital for a few weeks and then she had the second one; the one that took her life.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes, remembering your mother in his mind’s eye.

“She always looked tired. And worried.”

“She was.” Mrs. Park reached out and placed a hand over her son’s nervously. “I’m sorry, Jinyoung. I should have told you about it sooner. But you were always so busy in Seoul, always doing important things. It never seemed like the right time to tell you about something so devastating. It’s my fault.”

Jinyoung let out a small scoff. “Don’t take the blame on yourself. That doesn’t help me.”

Mrs. Park looked upset. “Jinyoung-”

She was interrupted by a loud knocking at the front door. Jinyoung closed his eyes and pressed his fingers to his temple while he listened to his father go to the door and yell at the person on the other side. The reporters had already found his home address. They had started arriving one-by-one since this morning. Each of them desperately wanted an interview with Park Jinyoung, the man who had lost his empire overnight. They wanted to know what he had to say about his dismissal from his own company.

Mr. Park re-entered the living room and sighed. “They’re getting more persistent. I think I should call the local police before they start trying to shove their way into our house.”

Jinyoung nodded and stood up. “I’ll go down to the police station myself and ask them to send someone to deal with this harrassment. Mom, you’ve told everyone we know to deny any reporters who request them for an interview, right?”

“Yes, but is it really a good idea for you to be going outside now-”

“I think I’ll lose my mind if I stay indoors,” Jinyoung muttered. He grabbed the black hoodie that was slung over the back of the sofa and glanced at his parents. They were both looking at him with wide, worried eyes.

Jinyoung felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him; why should they have to deal with so much because of his mistakes? Why was he always the one taking and yet never giving?

“I’m sorry,” he apologized softly. “I’ll try and be back for dinner.”

------

Jinyoung’s legs carried him naturally towards the elementary school.

Perhaps it was a subconscious urge to see you, even though he had no idea what he would say if you really appeared before him. Anything Jinyoung could have said to help should have been said three years ago. Words like I’m sorry seemed like an insensitive joke at this point; too little and far too late.

Jinyoung sat silently on the bench by the schoolyard with his face covered by his dark hoodie, and wondered how his life had brought him to this point.

Left with nothing with shame.

“Ahjussi!”

By the time Jinyoung looked up, there was already a tiny figure running straight towards him at full speed. He flinched and braced himself for the impact; only to have the small boy stop centimetres away from him and throw his arms around him happily. Jinyoung stiffened.

“What-”

“Ahjussi, you are Park Jinyoung!” Ki-woo cried delightedly. The boy was beaming. Jinyoung noticed for the first time that one of his front teeth was missing, but it was still one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen. “Miss told me yesterday! Why did you lie and say you weren't? I can’t believe the King of the Playground walked me home after school and I didn’t even know!”

Jinyoung couldn’t resist a small smile. The sight of the little boy bouncing on his feet warmed him for a moment and he patted Ki-woo on the head. “If somebody asked Clark Kent if he was Superman, he wouldn’t say yes, now would he?”

Ki-woo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Wow. That’s so true! You’re so cool!”

“You’ll have to keep my secret.”

“Of course I will! Ahjussi, can you tell me how you did it? How did you manage to climb the oak tree?” Ki-woo demanded, grabbing Jinyoung’s arm and tugging on it eagerly. “You have to tell me, you just have to! Were you really tall?”

Jinyoung blinked. “Tall? Not particularly…”

“Then how? How did you do it?”

Jinyoung opened his mouth to respond but he was cut off by a loud yell. He had been so preoccupied with Ki-woo that he hadn’t noticed the much larger man that was making his way across the school yard. Jackson Wang had a huge smile on his face and without greeting, he threw his arms around Jinyoung in a fierce hug.

“Park Jinyoung! Look who finally decided to grace us with his presence!” Jackson cried happily. He pulled back and noticed the blank look on Jinyoung’s face. With a frown, he pointed to himself eagerly. “Remember me? Jackson! Jackson Wang! You used to pass me all the answers in History class!”

Jinyoung swallowed. “Uh…”

“Mr. Wang, you’re friends with Park Jinyoung?” Ki-woo asked, his mouth gaping open.

Jackson blinked and looked down at the boy sheepishly. “Ah, Ki-woo. I didn’t see you down there. Didn’t your teacher tell you to wait inside until someone came to pick you up? Go back indoors now.”

Ki-woo pouted. “But-”

“Nope. Back inside. Now.”

Jackson waited until Ki-woo began to slouch back towards the school building and then turned back to Jinyoung. “Man, you’re pretty much the celebrity around these parts now, eh? We had a couple of reporters come by the school this morning, asking for anyone who used to know you. You have nothing to worry about! I scared them off. These babies aren’t here for nothing,” Jackson beamed and flexed his bare bicep.

Jinyoung didn’t really know how to respond. “Nice.”

Jackson narrowed his eyes. “You do remember me, right?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course-”

“We should get drinks sometime and catch up now that you’re back in town! Man, I really owe you. You did me a solid one that Christmas before you left, remember? I’ll buy you a couple of beers at the pub. What’s your phone number?” Jackson demanded.

“I don’t really have a phone right now…”

“Don’t have a phone?” Jackson looked confused. “Weird but okay. I guess I can always ask Miss First Grade to get in touch with you. I can’t believe she didn’t tell me you were back in town!” he cried, slapping Jinyoung’s arm playfully. “Hold on… you’re here to see her, aren’t you?”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Not exactly…”

Jackson chuckled knowingly. “No worries, man. I’ve got your back. I need to go inside and take care of the kids now, so I’ll tell her to come out and meet you here, yeah? Let me know if any more of those reporters come around. I’ll take handle them for you!”

Jinyoung forced a smile. “Thanks-”

“No problem, man. It’s what friends are for. We’ll catch up soon!”

“Sure.”

Jinyoung watched Jackson half-run back to the school building, letting out a sigh of relief. Each person he came across in this town seemed to remember something about him and the one who possessed the most dangerous knowledge was Jackson Wang. In addition to having been the resident supplier of inappropriate magazines and the one who’d convinced Jinyoung to try his first cigarette behind the park back in high school, Jackson simply knew a little too much about everybody.

Jinyoung sat down on the bench and took a deep breath. He just realized that Jackson had said he would send you out to meet him. Why hadn’t he told him not to? He wasn’t prepared to face you. Idiot.

It was a few minutes before you emerged from the school building and walked towards Jinyoung. There was a pleasant smile on your face as you approached, and it made Jinyoung’s stomach turn. How could you smile at him like that? How could you be so calm about everything?

“Jinyoung,” you greeted him, confused. “Should you be roaming around out here? There are reporters buzzing all around town.”

Jinyoung cleared his throat. “Uh. Yeah, I know. Jackson said he drove them away...”

You rolled your eyes. “That idiot Jackson Wang? He was fully prepared to seize his five minutes of fame by telling them how you used to help him cheat in History class. I had to step in and force him to deny the request for an interview,” you muttered. Jinyoung’s eyes widened and you gave him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry. I sent a message to the principal of the middle school and the high school. Nobody’s going to give any interviews about you.”

Jinyoung felt small.

“Thanks,” he muttered.

“Did they find your house?”

“Yeah. They’ve been knocking the door all day. It’s really starting to bother Mom and Dad.”

Your expression was sympathetic. “Should I call the police?”

“Don’t worry. I was going to go down to the station myself and ask them to send someone to get rid of the reporters,” Jinyoung reassured you. He felt his heartbeat thump wildly as he looked at your gently smiling face. Should he say it? Should he talk about the elephant in the room? Even though he hadn’t prepared what to say?

“About… about last night…”

You blinked. “Yeah?”

He sighed. “About your mother. I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I know that’s no excuse, but I should have been there and-”

You cut him off with a forced smile. “Jinyoung. It’s okay. It’s not like you could have done anything for her even if you were here, you’re not a doctor. Everyone did the best they could.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I might not have been able to help her. But… I should have been there for you.”

The smile dropped from your face. What could you say? Jinyoung’s eyes were filled with shame but it wasn’t the right time for him to be offering condolences. That time had long passed.

But you still remembered his words from last night as he’d hugged you. I don’t feel as alone when I’m here. Jinyoung had been through so much. How could you say anything to such a broken man except for it’s okay? How could you offer him anything but comfort when he had nobody but you?

How could you not be the bigger person when he was suffering?

“It’s fine, Jinyoung,” you promised him softly. “You don’t need to worry about it.”

“How can I not-”

“Seriously. Please. It’s in the past and nobody was to blame. It happened around the time your company was going public, so I can only imagine how chaotic your life and work must have been back then. I don’t resent you.”

Jinyoung looked up at you in disbelief. “How can you not?”

“I just… don’t. It’s fine.”

“Do you really mean that? Do you really mean that?” he demanded.

“I do,” you insisted firmly. You glanced at your watch and sighed. “Wow, it’s getting late. We have a PTA fundraiser at school tonight so I need to start setting up. Oh! Did you bring my bicycle by any chance?” you asked him hopefully.

Jinyoung shook his head. “Uh, no. The reporters were in front of my house so I slipped out through the back…”

“Can you drop it by the school later? I’m going to staying back pretty late because I have to wrap up after the event is over. It might even take till midnight and the buses stop running at 9 so I need a way to get home. It’s not too much trouble, is it?”

“No, that’s fine. I’ll drop it off here later.”

You gave him a small smile as you turned to go back indoors. “Bye, Jinyoung.”

“Bye.”

---------------------------

The PTA fundraiser left you drained of energy.

You would much rather have dealt with a hundred kids at once than with a handful of parents. At least kids could be made to see reason, they could be convinced with a little bit of logic (however flawed). Adults, on the other hand, believed that they knew best and that things had to be done exactly the way they wanted. Adults were unreasonable. Adults liked to throw around their authority.

You had never wanted to get into bed so badly.

You stayed back late to clean up after the fundraiser was over. It wasn’t required of you, but it was something that you somehow ended up volunteering to do. All the other teachers had families to go home to and kids to take care of. You only had an empty apartment.

Asking them to stay back instead of you felt selfish.

You slung your bag over your shoulder and trudged out into the parking lot to see that the bicycle racks were empty. Shit. Had Jinyoung forgotten to leave the bicycle behind for you? Where was he?

You pulled out your cell phone and then sighed. Damn Park Jinyoung. He didn’t even have a stupid phone. It was far past the time that Mr. and Mrs. Park would have gone to bed and you didn't want to wake them by calling them. But your apartment was too far to walk and you would have to pass by the pub; you had no interest in meeting the town’s drunkards alone in those narrow alleys at midnight.

You sighed and dialled another number.

“Jackson, hey. I’m so sorry, I know you just left a little while ago, but…”

-------------------

It was 1am when you heard a loud banging on your front door.

You had just finished taking a shower and were getting ready to slip into bed when the noise began. Your heartbeat racing, you grabbed hold of a kitchen knife quickly and then slowly approached your door.

“Who’s there?” you yelled out, voice shaking.

The voice that replied was muffled. “Jinyoung!”

Jinyoung? At this time of night?

You opened the door carefully. The first thing that hit you was the awful smell; Jinyoung stank of sweat and cheap beer. His eyes were red and his face flushed as he looked at you almost wildly.

“Are you okay?” he demanded, grabbing your shoulders to look at you properly. His hands were trembling and he seemed unaware of how loud his voice was. “Are you all right? I was looking for you everywhere!”

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Wow, you’re drunk.”

Jinyoung’s eyes widened. “I’m sorry- I’m so, so, sorry-”

“How about you come inside before you bring my neighbours running over with all of your noise?” you snapped. You had little patience for drunks, and knowing that Jinyoung had been out getting drunk instead of returning your bicycle did not please you. “Where have you been?”

Jinyoung stared at you helplessly, his arms waving around as he spoke. “I-I was just going to get one drink, I swear. But it led to another and I totally forgot about your bike and I was so scared that you might have walked home because I know that path passes by the pub and it’s not safe-”

“Relax,” you told Jinyoung as you guided him gently towards your couch. “I didn't walk. I called Jackson, he drove me home.”

“Jackson? Wang? Why? Are you guys close?” he asked, plopping down heavily on the couch.

You shrugged. “He’s a good friend.”

Jinyoung paused for a moment and then hung his head quietly.

“We used to be good friends.”

You looked down at Jinyoung properly. He was a wreck. His dark hair was a tangled mess and the light blue dress shirt he was wearing was wrinkled with a beer stain on it. There were even large sweat stains under his arms; he’d probably cycled all the way here in a panic.

And he’s one of the Most Eligible Bachelors under 40. If only the magazine had seen him like this.

“We’re still friends,” you told him lightly. “Although it wouldn’t do any harm to return my bicycle when I ask for it. Do you want a glass of water?”

Jinyoung blinked at you dazedly. “Do you have beer?”

“Absolutely not. Haven’t you had enough?”

His lower lip pouted slightly as he stared down at the floor. “I’ve been drinking all evening but I haven’t reached the point where I feel good or forget about my problems yet. In fact, I keep thinking about them even more. How about a cigarette?”

“You will not smoke in my house,” you told him with a firm glare.

To your surprise, Jinyoung suddenly smiled. It was only a gentle curve of his lips but you spotted it and frowned at him with your arms folded across your chest. “Are you feeling proud of yourself right now? Do you think your behaviour is something to laugh about?” you demanded.

Jinyoung looked up at you softly. “No.”

“Then why are you-”

“Because this is the first time you’ve given me that look since I came back,” Jinyoung admitted quietly. His voice trembled. “This is the first time you got angry at me. You don’t seem to get angry at me anymore.”

You didn’t understand. “Why would you want me to be angry at you-”

“Because you have to be angry with someone before you can forgive them. You have to first admit that they hurt you or that they did something wrong, and only then can you begin to repair your relationship,” Jinyoung whispered. He looked up at you and you could see the tears brimming in his eyes. “So tell me honestly. Have you forgiven me already?”

You swallowed. “I was never mad at you to begin with-”

“You’re lying.”

You clenched your fists as your heartbeat thudded. “I’m not lying. You’re drunk. You should drink some water and you can sleep on the couch-”

Jinyoung looked up at you, his eyes bloodshot yet surprisingly clear. “You are lying. Either you’re lying or you’re not the same girl I remember.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because the girl I knew wouldn’t have pretended to forgive a friend to spare his feelings. She would have grabbed me by the shirt, looked me in the eye, and said Park Jinyoung, you’re an absolute bastard for leaving me here when I was having a hard time. She wouldn’t have spared my feelings. She would have expected me to be there for her because that’s what friends do. They count on each other.”

You closed your eyes. How had Jinyoung seen right through you? Even after 10 years, how could he see through you like you were made of glass?

“I’m not angry,” you tried to tell him slowly, even though you weren’t sure who you were convincing anymore. “Because I never expected you to be there. You were busy and I had no expectations-”

Jinyoung scoffed. “You’re lying again.”

“I’m not-”

“You are. Friendship is when you help someone, because you trust that they would do the same for you. What you’re doing for me isn’t friendship. You don’t trust me anymore. If you have no expectations from me, then that’s charity!” Jinyoung spat out. Tears were brimming in his eyes and his voice was choked. “Is that what I am to you? Charity?”

You clenched your fists and let out a small, humourless laugh. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”

“What?”

“Where the fuck do you get off accusing me of treating you like charity? After what you did?” you snapped.

Jinyoung stared at you blankly. “Tell me.”

Your throat closed up. You didn’t want to talk about it. You didn’t want to drag yourself back to what had been the lowest point of your life, especially not in front of Jinyoung. You didn’t know who he was to you anymore. How could you open up to him?

“I can’t,” you muttered. “I don’t want to talk about it, Jinyoung.”

“Please,” Jinyoung whispered. “Please. At least tell me I was a terrible friend for not being there. Tell me I was a terrible friend for not even knowing about your mother.”

You took a deep breath and sat down, your knees feeling weak. You had never imagined that you would have to sit next to Jinyoung and say these words to him while he was drunk. Yet, as his dark eyes pierced into yours, he looked more sober than ever.

“It was my fault she died,” you whispered, shakily. “I know how hard my Mom worked to raise me. I know how much she struggled after my Dad passed away. The doctor told me her heart attack was probably caused by stress- years of it. She was growing old but she’d never even gone for a health check-up because we couldn’t afford it.”

Jinyoung stared at you silently.

“I needed someone to say this to back then,” you admitted quietly. “I needed someone who would listen to me and who wouldn’t try to convince me that it wasn’t my fault or that I didn't do anything wrong. That’s what everyone kept doing. They kept trying to comfort me but I just wanted someone who would listen. I wanted you,” you mumbled.

Jinyoung only nodded. His hands reached out to take both of yours. He grasped them tightly.

“I knew you were busy, but I always had this hope that maybe you would come to the funeral,” you whispered. “I thought… surely, whatever I did to make you cut me off, it wasn’t so bad that you wouldn't even turn up to my mother’s funeral. But the truth was that I couldn’t grieve properly because the hospital was hounding me about the bills, I…”

You took a deep breath. You hated thinking about those moments. You had felt so helpless and alone, backed into a corner. “I don’t think it even sank in that my mother was dead until a few days later,” you mumbled. “ I spent the first day wondering how the hell I was going to pay the hospital bills instead of thinking about her. Your mother tried comforting me, she told me it would all be fine and that she would call you for help.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes; tears were clinging to his eyelashes.

“She did,” he mumbled.

You felt the walls around you come crashing down as you looked at the broken man in front of you. You remembered how badly you’d wanted to see him then, how much you’d craved his comfort. You remembered how furious you had been when you realized that Jinyoung had abandoned you.

“I thought you would call,” you mumbled. “I didn’t want to disturb you but at the same time I trusted that you wouldn’t leave me alone at a time like that.”

Jinyoung’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry.”

“It would have been better if you hadn't done anything at all,” you mumbled. “Maybe then I could have forgotten about it in the mess that I was going through. But you didn’t. I got a call from your secretary the night before the funeral.”

Jinyoung lowered his head. His hands were trembling even as they held yours and you could hear his soft sniffle. “Shit,” he muttered, his voice thick with tears. “Shit, I can’t believe-”

“I thought you’d finally called. But it wasn’t you. I had to hear some strange woman tell me over the phone that Park Jinyoung is sorry he can’t make it to the funeral but he sends his condolences,” you choked out. You smiled humorlessly. “As if I was some distance acquaintance you barely knew. You sent me your condolences through your secretary.”

“I didn’t- I didn’t know it was you…”

“And then she told me that if I would just email her a copy of the hospital and funeral bills then all the expenses would be taken care of,” you mumbled. “She said that she could send me as much as I needed, no limit. I was so embarrassed. I wanted-I wanted to tell her that you could go fuck yourself and that I didn’t want your condolences and your money. I wanted to refuse so badly, but…”

You hung your head in shame. “But I couldn’t,” you whispered. “I couldn’t say that to her because it was true. I had no other way of paying those bills. So I sent her the details and I let you pay for them. Whether you know it or not, you paid for all my mother’s hospital bills and funeral while I sat here and wondered how I had become such a worthless daughter.”

Jinyoung’s hands clasped yours so tightly that it hurt. His shoulders were shaking and you could see the sobs racking his chest. “I didn’t mean to-” he sobbed. Jinyoung’s tears landed on your clasped hands. “I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

You slowly removed your hands from his. “I have the accounts,” you muttered. “I’ve been saving up to pay you back. It might take me a few more years but-”

Jinyoung flinched. “Don’t say that.”

“It’s not open to discussion, Jinyoung.”

“Don’t say you’ll pay me back, please-”

“I will pay you back,” you said firmly. You took a deep breath. “You know why? Because I might be able to forgive you for not being there when I needed you. But I will never, never forget how cheap I felt the moment I ended that phone call. So don’t talk to me about charity; I know how it feels to be on the other end of it.”

Jinyoung closed his eyes. He felt light-headed and blank as he thought about everything you’d said. No wonder you didn’t consider him a friend. No wonder you couldn't bring yourself to be honest with him. No wonder there was something fake and forced about your every smile.

Jinyoung hadn’t just messed up.

He had destroyed something precious to him without even realizing it.

“It’s late,” you mumbled after a brief silence. “You should go to sleep. Here, just; make yourself comfortable on the couch and I’ll get you a blanket and some pillows.”

Jinyoung swallowed. “I-I can’t…”

“You’re not going anywhere at this time of night while you’re drunk,” you told him. You pushed him lightly so that he leaned back against the sofa. “Stay put. I’ll be back. I think we’ve talked enough for tonight.”

“Can you just promise me one thing?” Jinyoung asked quietly.

“What’s that?”

“Even if you don’t consider me your friend anymore, even if you’re just being nice to me because you’re that kind of a caring person… don’t give up on me completely.” Jinyoung looked up at you desperately. “Please. Tell me that I can fix things. Tell me I haven’t broken our friendship and my life beyond repair.”

You looked down at him. Lying on your couch in his crumpled dress shirt and the beer stains, Jinyoung looked pathetic. Perhaps it was because you’d finally let out all the resentment you’d been bottling up for so long. Perhaps it was because, looking into Jinyoung’s eyes now, you could see that he did care. But you suddenly didn’t feel so hollow anymore.

You didn’t feel so lonely in your pain.

“Everything can be fixed, Jinyoung,” you told him softly.

“Even us?” he mumbled.

You nodded. “Even us.”

“Even me?”

“Especially you.”

Jinyoung slowly closed his eyes and you went into the other room to get him a spare pillow and a blanket. He let you place the pillow under his head and snuggled into the soft blanket. You turned to switch off the light when you heard him mumble.

“You know something?”

“What, Jinyoung?”

“I thought that the most unbearable thing about being fired from the company was all the effort I’d put into it. I thought I couldn’t bear it because I’d done so much for it for the years,” he said slowly.

You blinked at his curled up figure under the blanket.

“But it’s not?” you asked.

Jinyoung shook his head. “It’s not how much I’ve done for the company that I can’t bear. It’s how much I sacrificed for it.”

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