#adhd and shame

[musingsofuttermadness]

We don’t talk about this Enough

We don’t talk enough about the shame and guilt and disappointment attached to ADHD and other disorders affecting executive function.

The shame of living in messy spaces and not being able to just sweep the fucking floor like everyone else. And not brushing your teeth or hair for days or weeks and eventually having to spend thousands at the dentist and get a buzz cut.

The shame of always running late due to time blindness. And this extending to being late with deadlines at work or school, when in reality you had to take sick days because your brain wouldn’t let you get out of bed.

The shame of having sensory meltdowns because the world is too much, but being seen as having adult temper tantrums.

The guilt of knowing that you have so much you need to do, but you just can’t, no matter how hard you fucking try.

The guilt of knowing you can’t be a typical ‘good friend’ because you’re often inconsistent and even unreliable.

The guilt of knowing the food you’re about to buy is probably going to gather mold at the back of the fridge before getting thrown out; but you have to buy it anyway or you won’t eat.

The disappointment in yourself when you’ve been hyper-sexual for a week and now feel used and dirty and full of regret.

The disappointment you see in the eyes of the people you love when they see you curled up on the couch instead of following through on your plans, or doing the work you need to do, or doing your chores; but not knowing that you’re screaming inside to just do something, anything.

The disappointment of finally feeling like yourself, enjoying new hobbies, and functioning well again; then falling back into executive dysfunction and depression without any warning.

The shame, guilt, and disappointment of being afraid to share this with neurotypical people out of fear they might just say:

“Stop being so lazy” or “stop making excuses” or “but I saw you last week and you were fine”

As a result of silencing these conversations, we continue the vicious cycle and perpetuate our feelings of utter worthlessness; we suffer and we isolate and sometimes we even give up.

We don’t talk about this enough.

I think it’s time we start.

#adult adhd #adhd tax #adhd and shame #adhd thoughts #executive dysfunction #guiltburdened #mental illness #poems on tumblr #i'm not enough #living with adhd #adhd post #my adhd #adhd feels #adhd stuff #neurodivergencies #overwhelmed #sensory meltdown #autism #audhd

[fancytrinkets]

adhd thoughts - adult diagnosed

I have been learning more about ADHD since my recent diagnosis, and though it doesn’t totally make it easier, I now have some better ways of understanding a bunch of things in my life that always felt awful. 

For example, I’ve been having a really rough time these past few days with shame. I’ve been feeling like the worst person in the world — all for a couple of relatively small but careless mistakes I made. 

And it’s just... a lot to process that maybe I’ve developed this unrelenting shame response because of a lifetime of untreated ADHD. That maybe it’s out of proportion, yes, but there’s a reason why. And it’s LOGICAL. It’s because without the lifetime of unrelenting shame, I simply am not capable of meeting other people’s expectations of conscientious behavior. I’ve had to beat myself up as an attempt to make up for a disability. And that’s just like... FUCK. Sorrowful and freeing all at once. Because it means I’m not a bad person on purpose.

#adhd-c #adhd #adhd and shame #late diagnosed adhd #adult diagnosis

[natjennie]

something about "your anger isn't scary to me" is making me so emotional. something about as above so below, cassandra as a mirror of kristen. something about "I've been dropping the ball a lot lately" and kristen's struggles with adhd. something about teenage girls and rage and fury and justice. something about adaine's vision of ruining fallinel and the sylvaire looking for revenge. something about sadness and doubt and anger and love. something about "I choose to understand" being the absolute core theme of d20 in general. something something.

#something about kristen's adhd making her fuck things up and being mad at herself and that manifesting #as her deity being overcome with rage #something about fear and anger and shame and the inability to do better even when you're trying so hard #and something about people loving you anyway #something about 'your anger isnt scary to me' #as someone who had undiagnosed pcos in early high school and got so fucking MAD #something about adhd and how you're always failing and you have no one to blame but yourself #and how heart breaking it is to watch your life fall apart around you KNOWING you could do something #but being unable to do it right. always forgetting always slipping up #and how mad that makes you. at yourself. #this fight is so much #fhjy #d20 #dimension 20 #fantasy high

[existennialmemes]

What's fun about executive dysfunction is when you finally break out of it and Complete the Task, your reward is an immediate shame spiral.

"This took 15 minutes. Why did I put it off for six months. I created so many new problems by not doing it six months ago, and it wasn't even hard. I am literally a waste of carbon molecules."

And I know my brain works differently. I understand that executive dysfunction isn't a choice or a thing I can even remotely control. But once the task is done, there's no relief. Only shame. Because wow. Look how easy it was, and I turned it into a burden for six months.

#neurodivergent #actually autistic #adhd #audhd #executive dysfunction #shame spiral

[tiredpoets]

HEY! YOU! Yea, you, scrolling through Tumblr for validation and support for your executive dysfunction because you feel powerless: I love you, and I know you're trying your best <3 Take a moment and breathe. Let your chest unwind for a little bit as you read this post. I love you despite the things you cannot do, and I hope you find people who see your complexities and value you for them instead of putting you down. You deserve empathy and comfort. I know it's heavy, so thank you for continuing despite how hard it is. I see you.

#adhd #executive dysfunction #adhd paralysis #task paralysis #attention deficit hyperactivity disorder #self-love #ive started to recover #it feels like heaven getting support and comfort instead of shame #its hard to accept too #but its lovely #and i wish everyone the same

[aroaceleovaldez]

yknow i was gonna make a post about how happy I was to see the show acknowledge adhd/dyslexia/learning disability stuff and the way they handled and showed Percy's experience with that system, and how it influenced his reactions to things. But i'm honestly glad I didn't because WOW the show completely ditched all of that immediately. There was set-up for a really interesting arc about the demigods = neurodivergence metaphor and "You are singular" (pun off of "half-blood"/"demigod" and a very direct rejection of the "puzzle" metaphor for things like autism) and a very quick acknowledgement in like episode 2 of an off-hand "oh yeah all demigods are like that (adhd/dyslexic)" and then. nothing. absolutely nothing.

heck, they even changed the design of the zoo van (in the books very explicitly a black van with white text, which Percy notes specifically because white-on-black text is more dyslexia-friendly) which is a personal affront to me because That's My Dyslexia-Friendly Van, How Dare You.

i know some people have argued that maybe Annabeth pausing in the store was supposed to be her having a dyslexia moment, but if it was then we would have gotten the Dyslexia Effect™ on the text (and dont tell me they didn't have the budget for it cause HAVE YOU SEEN THEIR BUDGET FOR THE SHOW? They clearly haven't been using all of that). It's almost definitely supposed to show that Annabeth hasn't been in mortal spaces in a very long time and is, yknow, a kid, being indecisive of which snacks to buy.

i have said it before and i'll say it again: the core of PJO is disability. You can never remove that, or else it is no longer PJO. The heart of the series will always be a story made for an ADHD/dyslexic kid to help them learn about and be interested in mythology, and if you stray from that it's going to be very noticeable very fast. Almost every character in PJO has a learning disability. The entire series is framed as a way to introduce kids to mythology in a fun way and emphasize those themes of mythology being important even in modern day with how it still affects our lives, to ask you to look at what lessons we can still learn from these myths and how they apply to modern lives, and that you can be a hero not despite your disability, but alongside it. That is the core of PJO, always and forever. And the show failed that.

#pjo #riordanverse #pjo tv #adhd #dyslexia #pjo tv crit #< the fact that we have a tag for that now. hoo boy. #also all of this + im extra mad that the show intentionally did not include the bianca cameo in the closed captioning #cause like. okay failing to follow through on the disability themes in the series? that's one thing but i was somewhat expecting it #so disappointed but not surprised. *intentionally not providing appropriate closed captioning* though? SHAME ON YOU.

[desultory-suggestions]

If you are someone who struggles with dental hygiene due to mental health issues or neurodiversity and you just can't seem to change your routine or motivate yourself, I highly recommend investing in the right tools for you. Often advice starts with "Just form a habit! Just set a reminder!" but these things are not always enough to help when there are external stressors that cause avoidance.

An electric toothbrush and small portable waterpik have been amazing for me. I hate flossing, I find it tedious, and painful, and I avoid it. A waterpik on the other hand is fast, easy, and extremely effective. I also didn't realize how tedious I found brushing until I got an affordable electric brush. It helps do the majority of the work for me, feels nice, and has a timer to help me brush for the right amount of time. I hated mouthwash because it always burns my tongue, so I switched to alcohol-free mouthwash that doesn't.

These small changes have vastly changed my relationship to dental hygiene. If you can't get yourself to the bathroom, keep your brush by the bed. If you hate mint toothpaste use kids toothpaste with a more gentle flavor. If you need to have a brush on the go carry Colgate Wisps. Stop trying to force yourself to fit into an uncomfortable system, instead try to build one that fits your needs.

#des posts #There's no guarantee these will work for everyone #but it's always worth a try if it means improving your relationship with your health. #dental health #dental hygiene #adhd #adhd problems #sensory issues #dental hygiene adhd #depression #depression hygiene #self care #shame reduction #self help #invisible disability #wellness #suggestions #suggestion blog #desultory suggestions #mental health #mental wellness #healing

[ybcpatrick]

rip pstump 1984-2023. he forgor

#shut up kell #art #fob #fall out boy #heartbreak feels so good #i think i am: hilarious #btw i know i covered what patrick is saying. it reads: #GUYS PLEASE I'M SORRY I LITERALLY HAVE ADHD I AM GOING TO FORGET DATES AND SHIT #CMON GUYS PLEASE I'M JUST A LITTLE GUYYYYYY AND I HAVE GLASSES YOU WOULDNT HIT A GUY WITH GLASSES #IM SORRY ANDY PETE PLEASEEEEEEE #hall of shame

[angelsdean]

sam: i need to get a good grade in loreboy by doing ALL this research myself. i can't out-source or ask for help. that's cheating. how will i prove i went to college and know how to academically research if i don't spend 10+ hours reading all these dusty old books???

meanwhile dean, a few hours later: yea so i solved the case.

sam: *pikachu face* how?????? i'm only on chapter 57 of this first book????

dean: well. i was cooking bacon and the sizzling splatter of grease reminded me of that one time we were hunting [insert obscure monster here] and then cas came up behind me--well that's not really relevant-- anyways so it's [insert monster] and we kill it with a silver blade dipped in the blood of a black sheep born under a waxing crescent moon.

sam: waxing crescent... how do you know that????

dean: oh cas told me.

sam: *smug face* so you didn't figure it out youself

dean: there's no shame in out-sourcing and asking for help. that's just being efficient and using your resources, sammy. oh and also *flips him off* now, you coming or what?

#this is literally how it is #every time dean just. uses his adhd brain to make out of the box connections #and it's not like dean Can't research. he literally does all the time. and did his own research during stanford era #but it's just. he has no shame asking for help. he has no shame using his resources and going to people who already Know the lore #and that doesn't make him less intelligent #vic.txt #smart dean #smart genius baby

[phynali]

Tip for my fellow ADHD-ers who wonder where the time goes in the (work) day:

Make a list of all the things you've done. Not your to-do list (but those can be helpful too), but a list of all the things you've done, either as you do them or at the end of the day or whatever.

Emailed that person back? It's on the list.

Chatted with that person about that thing you're both working on? It's on the list.

It only took 5 minutes? So??? It's on the list!

It wasn't on the to-list for the day? Then it's definitely on the list!

A mentor suggested I was doing more in the day than I realized, when I complained that I felt like I was always busy but never making progress. He also pointed out that I seem to expect that if I do thirty little 5-minute tasks in a day, it somehow should just have taken only 5 minutes total, not several hours.

I don't do it every day because a) time and organization, and b) if it becomes a Thing then it's just one more obligation. But doing it sporadically really helps me understand where my time is going.

It's also judgment-free. It's not what I should do, it's where my time was spent. So I also add the time I spent over lunch, or getting coffee, or whatever (I don't get obsessive about it, I'm not Amazon timing work bathroom breaks here). I also add the time spent on social media (etc) that day to the list, particularly if I'm struggling with procrastination.

The point is to see the patterns for when and why my time is going where, and I find it helps me plan better for how long things actually take (longer than I think they will) and accept that it's impossible to be productive at all times of the day.

#adhd #idk it was helpful for me so maybe it will be for you too #and can help with the shame spiral when you feel like you haven't done ekot #you've probably done more than you realize

[its-isabela]

Been thinking about this for a while, but I think one of the greatest improvements you can make while having ADHD is to let go of your stigma and pride into fitting the neurotypical world. And I first noticed how important this is when I was searching stuff that can help me with my ADHD. I was taught all my life that gadgets and items like dishwashers, electric toothbrushes, etc. were for "lazy people". It took me a long time to unlearn and realize that these sayings are actually coming from a neurotypical and ableist point of view. I think you guys get it, but the point is: some of these items are actually helpful. Many of us suffer with executive dysfunction and other symptoms. Buy that roomba. Buy that salad cutter so it can help prepare your meals. Search "ADHD Friendly houses" so you can view methods and items that can help organize your lifestyle. Of course personal preference/income comes along into organizing/buying things, but there's a lot of useful stuff. Your wellbeing is more important than fitting in the neurotypical standards.

#also: im not shaming ppl who are afraid of showing ADHD symptoms to others. a lot of us still mask symptoms to survive. #but letting go of my pride that i can do chores the same way as NT ppl was very important for me. #like its ok if u need a roomba to clean ur floor #it doesnt mean ur lazy ure just trying to adapt ur ADHD #and ure cleaning the house instead of leaving it dirty and not feeling like crap bc of something u cant exactly control over #adhd #actually adhd #neurodivergent #isabela's originals #made an edit on this post bc of grammar mistakes

[worldwithoutmiracles]

ADHD & Shame

trying to unpack why I feel so guilty all the time, no matter what I’m doing. I should be doing more, less, something important, something selfless, something BIG but I have no idea what it is, and I feel like I fail every night when I lay down to go to sleep. and in the morning I’ll do “better”, where “better” means nothing concrete and is unobtainable forever.

talking about this with a therapist made a huge difference, as well as recognizing that I have been caught in this cycle for decades. if there was some action I could take that would stop the guilt, wouldn’t I have found it by now??

so, reading online and 1) I call it guilt, but I think what I’m really experiencing is shame, AKA feeling bad about who I am as a person, not what I (don’t) accomplish and 2) this is incredibly common in people with ADHD. some psychologists actually think “low self-esteem” should be one of the criteria for an ADHD diagnosis (ouch)

here are some quotes that hit me like a ton of bricks (all from the website ADDitude):

“...people with ADHD fear letting others get to know them intimately or to see how they live. Individuals with ADHD harbor two horrible secrets: Their future is uncontrolled and uncontrollable and life can inflict wounding shame just as easily as it engenders success.”

trying so hard to be perfect to whomever you are currently with that “the person with ADHD forgets what she genuinely wants from her own life” (been working to try to identify my values and it is HARD)

“many people who feel shame stop trying to do things — at work and at home — unless they are assured in advance of quick, complete, and easy success”. they then mention that video games are really popular as a private way to fail safely without disappointing people and without repercussions. (me, unable to play any semi-competitive game online against real people because I’m too scared to fail: “oh no”)

and, of course, the classic : “It is estimated that those with ADHD receive 20,000 more negative messages by age 10 than they do positive messages. They view themselves as fundamentally different and flawed”

is it any wonder that we’re all delicate and addicted to praise? between this and being raised catholic, I have such a hole to dig myself out of

#life #neurodivergent #adhd #adhd stuff #mood #actually adhd #neurodiverse #adult adhd #shame #guilt

[joyus-whimsy]

Autism, special interests and Red Dead Redemption 2 (spoiler free)

Towards the end of last year I started properly playing Rdr2. I’ve had the game for years but never really devoted the time to getting into it. Now, I write this before I start the last quest of the epilogue, I’m so engrossed in this game. I feel an intense emotional attachment to Arthur and the game in general. This kind of attachment isn’t something I’ve let myself feel for a while.

I haven’t let myself have special interests because it annoys or weirds out people around me. I used to try and fight it, but I don’t want to anymore. I’ve realised a lot from deconstructing internalised and social ableism, (the countless cringe compilations lined with autistic people being really into something is a prime example.)

I’ve a playlist for Arthur with music that reminds me of him, reminds me of that intense emotional connection. It’s sorta my way of sitting in and feeling how I do instead of trying to have ‘normal’ attachments to things. I used to be (and to a point I still am) scared of this intense ‘obsessive’ feeling, but I miss having special interests. I’ve felt like a shell of myself for a while and depression sorta took over my life for a while.

I see the way my constant talk about rdr2 annoys the people around me, but I don’t know if I care that much anymore. That being said, last year I made a friend that I got along with instantly and they have quickly become my closest friend. They are also neurodivergent and I’m so thankful for them. They honestly inspire me with how much they love their special interests, and I’ve been making sure they know that I don’t find it annoying. I try to get into what they like because I love listening to and sharing people’s passions. But something new happened when I was sending them heaps of stuff about Red Dead, they were genuinely interested. They said they wished they could come and play it with me (it’s summer here and we both have summer jobs so have been unable

I think I’m done putting other peoples comfort above my own, and this is just one example of that. I’m done trying to fit in because I’m inherently different. I’m autistic and I have ADHD and I’m starting to learn how to ask for accommodations and advocate for myself. I’m learning to stop running from and masking my neurodivergence because it has only tired me out. I’m glad and proud that I’m doing this, and I feel like I’m slowly getting myself back.

I’m still scared, but I’m just going to keep going, I’m done running away. Frankly, I’m proud of that.

I’m trying to find people on here that I can talk to about it. People that like this game in the same way I do. So if you check out my blog and like the kinds of things I post or repost, maybe we could start a gc or something?

#no spoilers #rdr2 #rdr2 arthur #red dead redemption 2 #arthur morgan #autism #disability #disabled #neurodivergent #adhd #unmasking autism #unmasking #unlearning shame #special interest #rdr2 special interest #unapologetically autistic #unapologetically disabled #chronic pain #spoonie #spoiler free rdr2

[stestir]

This meme been hauting my mind for a while now, so I'm gonna release it here.

#pokemon horizons #pokemon amethio #pokemon dot #pokemon liko #pokemon roy #anipoke #I personally believe that both Ame and Liko have Autism its just Liko was diagnosed since childhood and Amethio was ignored- #Also Roy probably has ADHD and Dot has Depression #But I'm not really sure about it tbh #Anyway- Mentally ill kids go #I am a shame to my society /proudly #My insomniac decisions

[thecryptidart1st]

last night i went from "man i really love this one song from jem and the holograms, i should make an animatic for it" to "if i did make an animatic, this would probably be the best song for my canon take on Eclipse in Soldered Wires! FNAB SB, maybe I should make a sketch of him" to "this song is v glamrock what if Eclipse was an decommisioned glamrock animatronic version of the Daycare Attendant" to "THIS SONG IS VERY POMPOUS WHAT IF ECLIPSE IS A BAD GUY IN CANON OF THE PIZZAPLEX LORE" to "I GUESS IM DOING STEEL WOOL'S JOB BC ECLIPSE IS GONNA BE THE VILLAIN THAT GLAM FREDDY AND THE KIDS FIGHT AGAINST IN FAZER BLAST"

the main design i'm happy with, still in debate on the coloring

#fnaf #five nights at freddy's #fnaf security breach #soldered wires au #soldered wires #fnaf eclipse #eclipse serves as the final boss for kids participating in the hard mode of fazer blast #he is essentially if darth vader met the phantom of the opera #he got four arms to shoot four kids at the same time #the fights between glamrock fred and eclipse are so MELODRAMATIC it puts immortal & restless to shame #if you ever wanted to know what adhd looks like its this

[twelverriver]

there's something just so humiliating about having adhd to me, because someone asks you do a simple thing and you're faced with a) the challenge to remember it b) the challenge to actually do it c) the humiliation and self-loathing if you can't do a) and/or b).

#jana.txt #adhd #i know its not bad or shameful or whatever to have adhd i know that and most days i dont care that my life is more difficult than ppl's #without adhd i've just gotten used to everything being hard all!! the !! fucking !! time !! #but god sometimes it really hits #also its so embarrassing to have rsd right with it bc someone asks you to do something and you dont bc you forget about it and then they #scold you about it which is fair but you start crying which is SO embarassing like 😭😭 #anyway :) #to delete