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savorypink · 4 months

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sweetener

to celebrate a certain milestone, you attempt to bake a cake.

smut. loosely based on an ask + an ariana song.

“They’re in the chat talking about how pretty you look. Dunno if you saw.”

You can hear the smile in Alex’s voice as you continue to whisk the cake batter in the mixing bowl. In honor of recently hitting a milestone in subscribers, you proposed baking a cake. The audience received you very warmly; though you and Alex both had your worries, things couldn’t be going any better than they are now. Once the batter is smooth, you pull the whisk out, giving it a few kitten licks.

“And you said no one would want to watch me bake,” you say with your hands on your hips.

Alex moves from behind the camera to stroll into the kitchen, sitting on the counter behind you. “I said no one would watch if you still had your clothes on. We came to an agreement about that, though.”

You and Alex had agreed that you’d at least wear an apron and some panties. He fought hard for you to wear little to nothing, ultimately putting your comfort first and his desires last. You like to save his favorite costumes and lingerie for when the cameras aren’t rolling anyway.

“I guess I’m not that pretty then, huh?” You faux pout, turning to him. Alex hops off the counter, coming behind you to wrap his arms around your middle. You immediately fall back into his embrace, the musk of his cologne and the candied scent of your perfume still clinging to his shirt from the night prior.

“Nonsense. You’re beautiful.” He coos in your ear, peppering your neck with wet kisses. He isn’t throwing you off intentionally, but you don't remember what you were doing until you get a whiff of the batter and see multiple heart emojis spamming the chat. You dip your finger into the bowl, clearing your throat to get Alex to stop.

“Try it. I think it might be my best.”

Lifting the batter-dipped finger to his lips, Alex’s eyes remain locked on yours as he takes the digit into his mouth. As you expected, his mouth lingers longer than expected, slowly pulling the finger out of his warm mouth, equally in part to rile you up and get the audience excited. You hate that it’s working.

“That’s good, babe.” The laptop chimes a familiar sound, informing you that you’ve received a donation. Alex inches closer to the screen with you still in his arms, his erection shamelessly against your ass; you wiggle against him as he squints to read the message attached to the donation. He gives your ass a small smack when his voice gets shaky.

“Stop that. What does “down bad” mean? Why are they “down bad” for us?”

“It means they love us,” you giggle. Your innocent wiggles grow harsher, reveling in the feeling of Alex’s sweatpants against your core. You feel your apron beginning to loosen, Alex undoing the bow you perfected on the back of it.

“So it’s a compliment. What do we say when we get compliments?” It took him long enough; one of his hands comes up to massage your breasts while the other dips into your soaked panties, wasting no time thrusting his fingers in your cunt. You fall back against him once more, your legs opening wider.

“Mmm. Thank you,” you breathe, licking your dry lips.

His fingers leave your core, and before you can whine about the emptiness, the fingers enter your mouth. You moan around his knuckles, your tongue swirling around the fingers, savoring every last drop of your wetness.

“Good girl. My girl is so pretty and kind, yeah?” His fingers go farther down your throat, your panties itching to come off. “She deserves a reward for baking for you today. Doesn’t she?”

You don’t need the viewers' agreement; he’ll reward you regardless. His fingers pop out your mouth to remove your apron, dropping it on the tile below you. Your panties slide off next, stepping out of them with shaky legs. Alex pats the countertop behind him, gesturing for you to sit on it. Before you can move, he picks you up by the hips and places you there himself. You can hardly contain your laughter as he attacks your body with kisses, the pecks turning into small nips and bites as he goes further down your body.

“Open up for me.”

You spread your legs apart, the cold marble of the countertop raising goosebumps on your thighs. Alex moves out of frame so the camera can view your core unobstructed. More donations pour in, and the chat seems never-ending. He spreads your lips open with his fingers, marveling as your slick drips onto the countertop, watching your core tighten around nothing.

“Screenshots tend to last longer,” he jokes. “They may love you, but not as much as I do.”

You run your fingers through his hair, disheveling it further. “I know. Now get to work.”

Alex licks a long, languid stripe up your core, your toes curling inward as your grip on his hair tightens. He begins lapping at your core, every bump on his tongue intensifying his licks and suckles, your hips nudging into his eager mouth. You look towards the laptop with blurry lenses, not comprehending a single word on the screen.

Every swerve and curve of his tongue becomes more relentless by the passing second, your moans fueling the fire in the pit of his stomach. He massages your trembling thighs with one hand while the other palms at the dent in his sweatpants, his thumb ghosting over his clothed tip. With his eyes shut, his mouth continues its blissful offense on your cunt, his long lashes sitting pretty on along his eyelids.

The computer dings some more, though you aren’t too focused on it since your heart is pounding in your ears. The heat in your core and stomach is undeniable, your hips beginning to roll against Alex’s mouth, your release in your sights. Alex’s technique eventually becomes sloppy, switching from suckling and licks to darting his tongue inside you. His tongue, hot and wet, strokes your walls heavenly as you clench around his tongue for the final time. Along with your core, every part of you feels numb, your pants becoming heavier as Alex continues to mouth at your cunt, in search of his release. You pat his head as encouragement, smiling down at him in a daze.

“You look so hot, Al.”

He grunts against your cunt, your words albeit small, yet effective in getting him over the edge. Treading your hands through his sweaty locks, your cunt swells at the sight of the wet spot in his sweats. His lips glisten under the glow of the kitchen lights, plump and swollen as he licks away your slick from his lips.

“You’re better than any fuckin’ cake.”

#mickey is typing…#alex turner fanfic #alex turner smut #alex turner x reader #alex turner x you #testing the waters with this camboy stuff #i hope i did right by you anon 🫡#something sweet

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odd-birds-and-booksellers · 3 years

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True love survives arguments. Sometimes it even survives break-ups, so you have to live, and then you have to fight for him. Just hold on and fight. In which Jo calls Alex and he actually picks up.

“Alex, I need you to call me or so help me, I will fly to where you are and…”

Jo snaps, she'd been practicing her speech over and over in her head all day, she’d not even considered what she’d do if he actually answered. Which much to her surprise he had…it had taken her moment to even notice she wasn’t listening to the familiar sound of his voicemail but instead the sound of his steady breaths.

“You answered?” She mutters almost in disbelief as she pushes herself up off the couch, pacing around the loft. All she’d wanted all week was for him to answer and now he has the silence is deafening.

“I know you said you were going through something and that you needed time and I wanna give it to you I do, but I spent a lot of the last year pushing you away…”

“Jo…” she pauses as the sound of his voice comes over the line. She has to cover her mouth to stop herself from crying out, three weeks he’d been gone, three weeks of sitting by the phone, three weeks of not hearing his voice. Three weeks of conjuring up the worst possible scenario.

She takes a shaky breath, leaning against the cold window. She needs to get the rest of her speech out before she loses her nerve before she breaks down and begs him to come home. “I know it wasn’t my fault but I did, I pushed you away, but you held onto me then. You did, you held on and you refused to let me go or give up on me. You held on to me. So I’m holding on to you, I’m holding on for dear life.”

It’s quiet for a moment. So quiet she thinks he might have hung up but a quick glance down at her phone screen shows they’re still connected.

“It’s not that easy Jo.” He sounds tired, defeated maybe…either way, it turns her stomach.

“I love you.” She whispers, gripping the phone tighter in her hand. Her eyes watering as she hears his low sigh, like that was the last thing he wanted to hear. “Alex, I love you and whatever this is, whatever you’re going through I wanna go through it with you.”

They fall silent once more. Jo grips to her phone like she’s gripping onto him.

“I love you too.” Jo closes her eyes savoring his words. It should fill her with relief but she knows the but is coming. She thinks back through all her fears, all the scenarios that she’s conjured up these past few weeks. He loves her…he still loves her, so can it really ever be that bad?

“You do?”

“Always.” He confirms.

“Then talk to me, just talk to me. I’m right here.” There’s desperation in her voice as she pleads with him. “For better or worse….”

“What?”

“For better or worse.” They’ve promised it to each other more times than she can count at this point. On a ferry boat in June in front of all their friends. They whispered it against each other's bare skin late into the night. They’ve muttered it in passing on a busy workday when the world felt like it was caving in. He’d promised her it outside the facility the day she was released and he’d promised it to her again just over a month ago in the courthouse.

“Did you mean that?” Jo asks, she’s clutching the phone so tight now she’s sure it will break. She’s holding on for dear life. “If this is the worst, Alex I can handle it.” She lets out a shaky breath, as she tries to calm herself breathing in for a count of three. “I can handle it...I can handle whatever it is but I need you to tell me what's going on.”

Then nothing.

Silence.

Just their quiet breaths filtering through the line.

Jo can taste her salty tears as they slip down onto her lips then…

“I’m with Izzie.”

He’s so quiet she almost doesn’t hear him. Her mind takes a moment to grasp what Alex had just said.

Izzie

“I called her for Mers hearing and we got to talking…”

“She wasn’t on the list.” It’s the first thing she thinks of, all her worst-case scenarios coming true at once.

“What?”

Her legs feel like jelly, shaking too much to support her weight as she drops to the ground, leaning back against the couch, “She wasn’t on the list.”

“I didn’t put her on there.” He says it like it’s simple. Like it’s an obvious explanation for any of this. He sounds more confident now, his voice clear and concise like he’d practiced it. Maybe he had. Maybe it’s why he’d avoided answering her for so long, he just hadn’t figured out the right words to say.

“She had my kids Jo.” She couldn’t breathe. There wasn’t enough air in the room. “She had twins Eli and Alexis and they're here in Kansas.”

“You have kids?”

“I have kids. Twins. They’re five years old...say something, Jo, please.” He urges after a minute's silence.

She can’t though. She’s clawing at her chest desperately trying to remember all the stupid breathing techniques she’d learned. Trying to get to her happy place, her happy place that had him written all over it.

“I’m so sorry Jo.”

“Do you love her?” She manages through ragged breaths. She’s already on fire, might as well throw on the accelerator.

He hesitates. She hears his breath hitch like he can’t find the right words and then a quiet yes. Yes, he does love her.

“But not like that. Not like I love you.”

The words that had felt healing only moments ago hurt now, causing her heart to tear further into two, now they sound more like pity than hope.

“What does that mean?”

She hears a slight sniffle before he’s clearing his throat. “That I love you...but I can’t come home, I can’t leave them. Can you come here?” He sighs but Jo's mind is still whirling, her body still shaking. She can’t quite comprehend anything that he’s saying.

It’s like all she can see is a huge blinking sign that reads.

He’s with Izzie. He loves her. He has kids.

“You have kids.”

“Jo…”

“You have a family?”

“Daddy?” Jo can feel the gasp falling from her lips before she has a chance to stop it. He’s there now, he’s there with them while she’s sitting alone.

“You’re there now? You’re with them?”

She hears the phone muffle. Obviously, he’s covered the speaker but she can still hear him as he asks his children to go play, that he’d come and join them in a minute. He’s a dad. Something he’d wanted for such a long time. Something only weeks ago she’d been considering bringing up for them.

He understood her. It’s one of the reasons she loved him so much. Since Bailey’s wedding, they’d just had this uncanny ability to understand the other. Even if they didn’t agree with each other. They were cut from the same cloth.

Right now though that feels worlds away. Right now they feel like two pieces of different puzzles. She’s here and he’s there and he’s a parent and she’s not.

His voice breaks through the overwhelming thoughts clouding her brain. “Can you come here, Jo?”

“I can’t.”

It's a low whisper before she does the one thing she could never imagine herself doing before she pressed his contact tonight, she hangs up.

She lets him go to voicemail twice before the phone falls silent. She thinks he knows better than to press the issue, especially when all he’s done is ignore her calls for weeks. She needs time. Time to figure out what this all means.

It’s easier said than done. She manages to drag herself to work, detaching herself from everyone she knows, pushing through by focusing on her patients. He doesn’t call again. Weeks go by in silence. Jo falls into the same routine of working until she might drop, only dragging herself home when she’s so tired she's sure her brain won’t be able to torment her.

It’s only when she’s ransacking her wardrobe having neglected the growing laundry pile for too long that she finds them. Tucked into the back behind an old shoebox. Three tiny baby hats.

She clutched them carefully in her hands, trailing her finger along the detailing. They’re made with such love and care for babies she used to be able to picture so clearly. She doesn’t wanna give up that dream or Alex for that matter she's just not sure how to hold onto him.

For the first time in weeks, she finds herself staring down at her phone, her finger itching to hit call. She doesn’t though. She’s not sure what she’d say about this mess, still feeling too big to wade through alone.

The second time she’s overwhelmed with the need to call Alex comes only days later. She’s just finished discussing surgery options with a new patient when she spots him. He recognizes her immediately, his face lighting up.

“Dr. Wilson…it’s so nice to see you again.”

It’s Charlie Peterson. The heart transplant kid from years ago. He’s older now obviously, he looks healthy and it gives Jo a warm feeling to know she was a little part of that. She so rarely gets to see her patients again.

“Charlie…it’s good to see you. Or I hope it is…are you here for treatment?”

“Just a check-in with Dr. Pierce.” Jo nods offering a soft smile before turning her attention down to her phone. She has to run, she has surgery in a little bit. Sensing their conversation is almost over she watches as Charlie sways back on his feet almost nervously. “Dr. Wilson…there’s something…there’s something I wanted to say. Wanted to thank you for really. It’s something you said to me when I got my transplant.” Jo doesn’t say anything, she can vaguely remember talking to him. She knows it was the day she’d propose to Alex. “You said I had to promise to survive, that true love survived fights and breakups. You said you have to live, and then you have to fight and it always stuck with me you know. So just thankyou.”

Jos' speechless. She’d remember it now, her and Alex arguing. He was so sure she was leaving him that he’d spent the night away from home. Her heart had felt heavy as she returned home that night to an empty loft, it felt cold without him much like it did now. She’d hated it so much she’d refused to let that be her permanent reality. She’d fought for him back then. She got down on her knees and told him she wanted him forever. Where had that gone? Where was her gumption? That need to fight for him?

She wishes Charlie well before excusing herself for surgery but her mind is miles away. It might as well be in Kansas because that’s where her heart is. It's where she should be too.

She’s not sure what happens next. She’s not sure how Izzie and the twins fit or how she fits with them. But she knows how she fits with Alex. She knows that nothing has ever felt that scary when he’s been standing there beside her and if she can just get to him she’s sure they can work this all out.

She scans her phone buying the plane ticket out to Kansas without a second glance. Reading the confirmation email she feels at peace for the first time since Alex had walked out that door. The kinda peace that only came from knowing where your heart truly lied. Tomorrow she’d get to see Alex and no matter how bad or how scary everything else around them was, he’d be there to hold her hand. All she had to do was hope he still wanted to.

Tomorrow she'd be with Alex. Her first love. Her last, her only. He was all of it. He was her everything.

It’s late when she arrives back at the loft, so late she doesn't even notice how the lights are already on as she climbs the steps. It’s only when she spots a familiar pair of boots lined up by the door that she realizes the change. The air seems warmer. Looking up abruptly she spots him standing across the room, leaning against the kitchen island like he’d been waiting for her.

“You came home?” She mutters in disbelief, her keys clattering to the ground as she takes him in. He’d let his beard grow, which makes sense considering she’d been crying at the sight of his razor for weeks. He looks tired though, with deep bags under his eyes.

He nods, taking quick strides until he’s standing before her. She could reach out and touch him if she wanted. She watches his own hands twitch with the same urge. Like he too wanted to confirm she was real and standing in front of him. “I came home.”

Suddenly Jo bursts out laughing. Her hand reaching up to cover her mouth as she tries to keep her giggles at bay. Alex's eyebrows drop in confusion as he eyes her carefully. “I booked a flight.” She admits through uneven breaths.

“What?”

“I booked a flight for tomorrow morning. I was gonna come find you.” She laughs again, finding it overwhelmingly amusing that on the day she’d decided to go find him, he’d come home.

Alex frowns but nods as if he has an understanding of what she’s laughing about. “Jo look…”

“Do you still want me?” She asks abruptly. It’s the only question she has. She can deal with the twins and Izzie and Kansas, she can deal with it all as long as he still wants her.

“What kind of question is that?” Alex settles his hands on her waist, the heat of his palms seeping through her. “Of course I want you. I always want you.”

“Then we’ll figure it out.”

And they do figure it out. They head back to Kansas together the next morning, Alex’s hand clutched tightly in her own. Jo’s nervous and scared and a whole other host of emotions but those feelings soon fade when they step out of the rented car. Alex’s face lights up as two five-year-olds come barreling down the front steps, skidding to a halt in front of her. Their eyes are wide and hesitant as they say a reluctant hello. Jo is struck with the love that flows through her as soon as she sees them, no they’re not her’s but they are his. Little pieces of the man she loves so dearly. She can see parts of him so clearly, he’s in Eli’s lopsided grin and Alexis’s eyes. They’re a part of him; it's impossible not to love them.

She lets Alexis guide her up into the house, accepting a cup of coffee from Izzie who seems genuinely pleased that she's there and they sit for the rest of the afternoon playing tea party. Jo mainly spends the day watching Alex who seems more himself then she’s ever seen him before as he chases the two around.

Later that evening Izzie finds her on the porch swing. Jo feels her stomach turning at what she’s about to say, but she is surprised when Izzie apologizes. She apologizes for keeping the twins a secret, for not calling Alex sooner, and then she apologises the way she’s sure she’s uprooted Jo's life. The funny thing is it doesn't feel uprooted at all. It’s only day one but nothing has been as bad as Jo had made it out to be in her head. The day had flown by in an unexpected bliss, Alex had been the husband she knew, constantly touching base making sure she was okay, a reassuring hand squeeze or a mouthed I love you across the dining table. He needn’t bother though, she was more than okay.

“Do you think she can hear me?” Alexis shouts, making Jo startle out of her daydream. They’d been in Kansas almost a year now. It’s not a picnic by any means but it’s definitely worth it. They’re a family, a real proper family. It’s not just her and Alex and their friends anymore and Jo loves it, every messy second of it. She’d cried when the twins had shown up at their house the day after Mother’s Day with a card that read ‘Not all stepmothers are wicked’ and a bunch of flowers that Izzie had let them pick from her garden. Her life is so far from what she’d imagined it to be after she’d called Alex a year ago. Back then she could never see herself leaving Grey Sloan Memorial or even Seattle but they had and it was better than whatever life they ever had planned.

“What about now?” Alexis yells again, pressing her chin into Jo’s stomach as she looks up at Jo expectantly.

Jo just laughs, their poor baby would probably be deaf by the time she was born. “She can definitely hear you and by the time she joins us she’ll know the sound of your voice.” She runs a hand through Alexis' hair softly as the girl settles her ear against Jo's stomach.

“Can she hear me?” Eli yells suddenly, crashing down on top of his sister as they fight for a place on Jo's stomach. “I want her to hear me.” He cries, making Jo and Alex chuckle as he places his ear against her bump expecting his new sister to talk back.

“Everyone can hear you, ya little monster,” Alex growls, lifting the boy up off the picnic blanket they’d laid out, making him squeal in delight as he tips him upside down, one hand tickling his side.

“Ooo she definitely heard you,” Jo winces, feeling a sharp kick to the ribs. “Here guys come to feel her.” She takes Alexis's outstretched hand moving it about as she traces her daughter's kicks across her stomach until she seems to settle in one spot. She watches Lexs face light up in pure delight, her mouth falling open in wonder.

“Can you feel her Lex?” Alex grins taking the seat beside Jo, placing his warm hand against her bump just slightly to the side of Alexis’s.

“Yeah…yeah, I can feel her,” She nods excitedly.

“Hey, I wanna feel her too…” Eli pouts, crossing his arms over his chest as that famous Karev scowl crosses his face.

Jo shakes her head, reaching her arm around Alex and holding it out towards him. “Come over here then bud,”

They all fall silent for a moment, a very rare moment for the Karevs. The happiness seems to radiate out between them all as they feel the little movements of their newest edition.

The warm sunny day sends a golden filter over the image before her. Alex’s lopsided grin, his hand stretched out across her belly, two smaller hands pressed either side. Eli’s tucked under her arm while Alexis lays across her lap. She knows this perfect moment won't last so she takes extra care to commit it to memory while it happens.

As predicted the moment is broken, the sound of the ice cream truck drawing the children’s attention as they go racing across the grass in a flash and they both know Alex has about ten seconds before he has to go catch up to them. He takes the time to press a chaste kiss to her lips before he goes. Soft and sweet and way too short for her liking.

“Thanks for holding on to me.” He whispers against her lips when he pulls back, shooting her a wink before he’s off and running in the direction of the twins.

“Always.”

She calls back, laughing when he almost trips over as he turns back to grin at her. Jo runs her hand across her bump lovingly, thinking back to how only a year ago she was ready to give up this dream of a life completely. She’s glad she didn't.

#alex karev #jolex #jo wilson #jo karev #greys anatomy #greys abc #justin chambers #greysanatony #greys #camilla luddington #Jolex oneshot #Jolex fanfic #Jolex fanfiction #tsjolexweek

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reidgraygubler · 4 years

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ethan(spencer reid/fem!reader)

*{ gif belongs to @toyboxboy }*

Title: ethan Request: no Couple: spencer reid/fem!reader Category: angst, fluff Content Warning: pregnancy, mentions of someone being shot, mentions of gun use, talks about almost dying, swears (if any), vomiting, casework, allusions of ex Word Count: 5,500 Summary: reader has some really important news to share with spencer, but he’s away on a case. that is until really important news is shared with her. A/N: based on the season 9 finale episodes Angels and Demons. I genuinely loved Alex and was lowkey sad when she left. The end of this one shot talks a lot about her and the end of Demons. anyways, enjoy and thanks for the love! Check out my masterlist!

{***}{***}{***}

Spencer held me close to his body, pressing his lips to my neck and breathing deeply. I shifted a bit before rolling to face him. He looked down at me with a lazy and tired smile.

“Why are you awake,” I mumbled as I pressed my hand to his bare chest. He hummed and looked at the watch on his wrist.

“Got a case, Texas,” he whispered as he looked back down at me. I pouted and shook my head.

“No,” I whined and shook my head. Spencer looked down at me as he sat up in bed. “You’re gonna be gone forever, Spencer.” I copied his action and sat up beside him. He grasped my hand as he looked at me.

“I’ll be home before you know it. You know I’m always a phone call away,” he leaned over before kissing my lips. I pouted as I watched him slip out of the bed. “I’ll be safe,” he spoke as he pulled clothes out of his dresser.

“You better be safe, Spencer, I don’t want to get that phone call,” I scolded as I pulled the blanket around my body and got out of bed. I walked over and stood beside him. I placed my head on his shoulder, not letting him move. I looked at the few photos he had on top of his dresser. One was of him and his mother a few Christmases ago; it was nice going out to Vegas to visit Diana that year. Another photo was Spencer and me on our wedding day, 3 years ago now. That was the happiest day of my life, and I’m sure of Spencer’s life, too. And the final photo was the two of us with his work family (who’s more real family than anything else).

“You’re not going to get that phone call,” he said as he looked down at me and smiled, “I’ll call you every night at 9 pm Eastern Standard, okay?”

“Okay, and if I don’t get a phone call from you, I’m buying the first ticket to Texas and finding you.” I lifted my head off him and walked back to the bed.

“I look forward to that.” Spencer smiled before walking back to my side of the bed, “I love you,” he whispered as he looked down at me. I looked at him and smiled.

“Yeah, I’m sure you do. Hurry back soon.” I pouted. He chuckled before kissing me one last time. “I love you too!” I shouted as he left the room. The light laughter that came from him made me feel happy as I drifted back to sleep.

{***}{***}{***}

A week, 7 days, 186 hours, 10,080 minutes, 604,800 seconds. That’s how long Spencer (and the rest of the BAU family) was gone for. And I was at home, sitting on the bathroom floor with three pregnancy tests lined up in front of me. I only had a few symptoms, but they were enough to get me curious. I’m sure if Spencer were here he’d prove to me that I was pregnant and then get me to take a test anyway.

“C’mon, let’s get a nice welcome home present for Spencer,” I whispered, staring anxiously at the tests. Like that’ll make the tests be positive and make me pregnant.

The timer on my alarm binged, causing me to grab it and silence it. I took a deep breath and said a prayer to whatever God would listen to me before I blindly flipped each test over. I looked down at them and saw two pink lines in the little window. I stared at them, in shock and in awe. My mouth fell open as I stared at them. My heart rate picked up and a smile grew on my lips.

“Pregnant,” I whispered, looking at them. I collected the three sticks in one hand and my phone in the other before standing up.

Spencer should be home soon. He said a week. And that’s exactly how long he’s been gone. I just hope this case doesn’t make him stay away longer. I want to tell him right away. This is something he needs to know as soon as possible.

I looked down at my phone and noticed the time, 9:15 pm. He’s late. He’s probably just busy. Although, that hasn’t stopped him before. It was always 9 pm, whether he was busy or not. But now? He’s 15 minutes late. Does that mean I call? I’ll give it a little bit. I won’t call right now. Maybe they made an incredibly important break in the case and the unsub! I won’t overly worry… yet.

I sat down on the couch and looked at the objects in hand. My excitement was through the roof and I couldn’t wait to tell the others about my secret. We’ve wanted kids since before we got married, and here we are. I don’t think this excitement will ever go away.

Aaron Hotchner calling...

I furrowed my eyebrows as I looked at the contact to make sure it was Aaron. “Aaron?” I pressed my phone to my ear. I placed the tests in a line on the coffee table.

“There’s been an accident with Spencer.” his tone was low and stern as he spoke. I dropped my shoulders and felt my heart sink to my stomach. “We need you here now. Section Chief Cruz and Garcia are on their way to your apartment,” he continued. Okay, wait, hold on.

“Spencer… He was… Is he…” I could feel my hands begin to shake as I brought myself to my feet. I should have just stayed sitting.

“He was shot in the neck. He’s in surgery now. But we need you to come out here as soon as possible,” he explained. I fell to my knees and brought a hand to my mouth.

Maybe that excited feeling could go away. Because it just did. Two extremes hitting me in a very short amount of time. My anxieties are already through the roof.

“Is he going to be okay?” I asked, my tone so soft I was worried Aaron didn’t hear me.

“He’ll be fine,” he spoke softly. I swallowed roughly and nodded, “Call me when you get here,” he stated before hanging up. I dropped my phone from my ear and looked at the black screen.

I quickly scrambled to my feet and nearly tripped into the bedroom, catching myself on the dresser. I grabbed whatever I needed and tossed it all into a backpack before running downstairs where Penelope and Cruz would be.

Okay, no, yeah… Maybe now I worry...

{***}{***}{***}

I swallowed roughly as I followed behind Penelope into the waiting room. JJ and Alex were sitting together, waiting for a doctor or nurse or someone to tell them how Spencer is doing.

“Hey, looks like you guys made it.” JJ looked over at Penelope, Cruz, and I. I pulled my sweater tighter around my body as I stood beside Penelope. JJ looked over at me before standing up.

“It’s nice knowing multiple people who own jets,” Penelope spoke as she gestured towards Cruz. I bit my lips together and looked around the waiting room. I felt nauseous being here. The scent of it made my stomach churn.

“Yeah, called in for a few favors,” Cruz spoke as he looked back at JJ. I rolled my shoulders and finally looked back at my friends. JJ was still looking at me, waiting for me to say something.

“How is he,” I whispered, hugging my arms around my body.

“He’s still in surgery. We’re waiting to hear how he is,” JJ whispered as she held out her hands for me to take. I stared at it for a moment before grabbing it. “He’ll be okay,” she reassured. I swallowed roughly and nodded.

“You all can see Agent Morgan now.” A doctor came up beside us and looked at everyone. Penelope looked at us before peeling away with Cruz. I looked back at JJ and bit my lips together as tears slowly rolled down my cheeks.

“C’ mere,” she whispered before pulling me closer to her and enveloping me in her arms. I pressed my face into the crook of her neck and let out a small sob. JJ only hugged me tighter before stepping back. “Let’s go sit.” She pulled me in the direction where Alex was sitting. I swallowed roughly and followed behind her.

“Hey there.” Alex looked up at me and smiled softly. She had a mildly guilty expression on her face as she looked at me. I don’t know why she would be guilty of what happened. Unless she was the one who shot him. And, honestly, from what Penelope half told me, and Cruz fully telling me, what happened… It honestly wasn’t her fault at all. He would have taken a bullet for anyone and everyone.

I waved lightly at her before sitting across from her. JJ sat beside me. I looked around the room and noted we were the only ones here.

“Do you want anything?” Alex asked in a whisper. I looked at her and shook my head.

“I’m actually going… I’m gonna get hot chocolate. You said he’s still in surgery?” I glanced at JJ. She looked back at me and nodded.

“Do you want me to go with you?” JJ offered, watching as I stood up. I shook my head and pushed my hands into my pockets.

“No, no, I’ll be fine,” I spoke, but my voice was shaky and quiet. JJ nodded before allowing me to leave.

I tried being quick as I got my drink. Mostly because I knew that the chances of something happening while I was gone were pretty high. That always happens though… Something always happens when you’re gone. I don’t even know why I left to get a drink. I should have just stayed.

I kept my head low, my eyes on the steam rolling off my hot chocolate, as I re-entered the room. Something to keep me distracted and busy while I walked back towards Alex and JJ. I quietly sat beside JJ and stayed silent.

“He’ll be fine. He’s still a kid,” Alex’s voice caused me to look up at her. What conversation did I just join in on?

I swallowed roughly and nodded, agreeing that Spencer Reid, the man I married, is still a kid himself. Although he’s going to be a dad in 9 months. “There’s still things for him to do,” she added in a whisper. I sighed deeply and looked down at my hot chocolate.

“He wants kids you know,” JJ whispered as she looked at Alex. I snapped my head up from my hot chocolate, again, and looked at her. “He’d be the best dad,” she laughed as she looked at Alex. I took a shaky breath and pretended to be fine with the conversation. I was honestly anything but fine with this conversation.

“That’d be the luckiest kid in the world,” Alex laughed as she looked between JJ and I. I rubbed the underside of my nose before wiping my eyes with the tips of my fingers. “He’s gonna be fine,” she whispered, mostly to herself. I looked at her and exhaled deeply.

Yeah, I know he wants kids. Everyone knows Spencer wants kids. No one knows better than me, considering I’m pregnant with his baby. But no one knows that except for me. I didn’t get the chance to tell him before he left for this case. Considering, I’d only just found just a few hours ago, I was beyond ecstatic. But who knows if I’ll get the chance to tell him now. Because I’m currently sitting in a hospital waiting room because he got shot.

I let out a deep and shaky breath of air and shook my head. JJ looked over at me and raised an eyebrow. “Other than the obvious, are you okay? Can I get you anything?” JJ asked, causing Alex to look at me. I didn’t exactly like the feeling of their eyes on me

Before I got the chance to speak, my stomach gurgled a bit, forcing me to throw a hand over my mouth and run to the bathroom. I almost didn’t make it before I emptied my stomach contents into the toilet. Why, oh, why? This isn’t fair…

I splashed water on my face, forcing myself to calm down as I stared at my reflection. The door swung open behind me and JJ stepped in. She was looking at me with concern on her face.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” she asked as she came over to me. She pulled a fistful of paper towels from the dispenser and handed them over to me. I stared at her as tears continued to roll down my cheeks. “He’s going to be okay. Spencer will always be okay.”

“No, I know. I know he’ll be okay.” I wiped my eyes with the paper towels as I looked at her, “Spencer’s gonna be a great dad,” I whispered as I dropped my gaze to the ground. “He’s gonna be an amazing dad,” I repeated as I glanced at her, hoping she got the hint.

“Are you...?” JJ asked as she placed her hands on my shoulders. I bit my lips together before nodding lightly.

"I found out a few hours ago," I forced a smile on my lips as I looked at her. I was happy that I was telling my friend about my exciting news. But part of me had several worries, again one of them being Spencer in the hospital.

JJ smiled at me before pulling me into a tight hug. I pressed my face into the nape of her neck. Part of me wanted to break down in her embrace. But, something felt off. It would be validated though if I did break down. Considering everything that is happening at the moment.

"I didn't even know you guys were trying. That's… this is so exciting," she half-whispered, half exclaimed. I smiled and shrugged as I stepped back away from her. She smiled as she grasped my hands.

"Well, we weren’t exactly trying. We were kinda just letting it happen. And, if it happened, it happened,” I laughed lightly and shrugged, “And, I guess it happened," I blinked as tears raced down my cheeks. JJ smiled as she wiped the tears off my cheeks before hugging me again.

“I’m so happy for you,” she whispered before grasping my hands, “You’ll be able to tell him. He’ll be fine.” She squeezed both my hands and nodded.

“I know, I know… You said it yourself, JJ… Spencer will always be fine,” I tried to reassure myself. He will be fine.

“I have to go. Derek and I are going back to the station. Alex and Penelope are staying here, with you and Spencer. Call me if anything happens.” JJ looked at me as she guided me back out of the bathroom and towards where we were sitting.

“Of course. You still have a job to do. Be safe,” I flashed her a sad smile as she collected her things.

“See you guys later,” JJ looked between Alex and I before leaving the two of us alone. I sat silently, my head low, while Alex sat across from me. She was bouncing her knees anxiously while waiting. In the two years she’s been here, I never really had a good friendship with her. It’s not that I didn’t like her… we just disagreed on somethings and our personalities never meshed together. I love her, don’t get me wrong.

“Do you want kids?” Alex asked, pulling me from my thoughts. I looked up at her and raised an eyebrow. Do I want kids?

“Yeah, kids… They’re great,” I exhaled deeply and nodded. I looked up at her and furrowed my eyebrows. I’m not so sure I want everyone to know my news just yet. It’s still too early. “I’ve wanted kids since the day I met Spencer. I knew I wanted to have kids with him,” I laughed lightly and nodded. And that wasn’t an exaggeration or anything. I knew the day I met him that kids would be in our lives.

“You guys would be fantastic parents.” Alex smiled at me as she reached out to place a hand on my knee. I smiled back at her and nodded. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to tell her just yet that I was pregnant. I think JJ was enough people right now.

“Thanks, Alex,” I whispered as I kept my eyes on her. We stayed sitting in a tense silence. It felt as if time was moving slowly, almost like someone changed the speed to 0.5 speed. I honestly hated how long we waited for someone to tell us what was going on.

“Spencer is ready for you guys,” a doctor came over to us and spoke before Alex got to say anything. I looked at him and smiled before standing back up. He led the two of us to the room Spencer was. Penelope was already in his room, putting various ‘Doctor Who’ action figures on the little roller table in front of him.

Spencer was still asleep from his surgery. A white bandage and gauze pad was pressed and wrapped around his neck. He looked so peaceful as he slept. But he always looked peaceful like this. Although, I didn’t like that he was knocked out because of anesthesia because he was shot in the neck.

“Oh good! You’re still here.” Penelope looked up at me with a sad smile. I returned the sad smile before sitting in one of the chairs beside the bed. Alex sat on the other side while Penelope continued setting up the action figures. “This’ll be nice… When he wakes up they’ll all be looking at him… And it’ll be the first thing he sees.” Penelope stepped back and looked at the action figures before looking at me and then Alex.

“That will be nice.” Alex smiled at Penelope. I looked back at Spencer and sighed deeply. There was a moment of silence as we all stared at the sleeping Spencer.

“Alright, this’ll be weird… We’re all just staring at him when he wakes up.” Penelope clapped her hands together as she looked up at me. I looked away from Spencer for a moment to look at my friend. “I’m gonna stand over here,” she whispered before stepping to stand by the window behind me. Surely it wouldn’t be too weird if I watched him while he was out. I mean, I’ve watched him sleep before, and that wasn’t too weird.

After a little bit, I moved so I was kneeling on the ground beside the bed with Spencer’s hand in mine. Penelope was sitting where I once was sitting, her laptop on her lap as she was working on researching something for the team. Alex was sitting, half asleep in the chair by the doorway.

“Do you need anything?” Penelope asked me, resting her hand on my shoulder. I turned my head and looked over at her, feeling slight exhaustion in my eyes. I shook my head and watched her stand.

“Actually, can you get me hot chocolate,” I stopped her once she made it to the door. She turned and looked at me, nodding lightly.

“I’ll go with.” Alex spoke up as she stood to her feet.

“We can get him food for when he wakes up. He’s going to need the carbs and calories,” Penelope I swallowed roughly and watched the two ladies leave. I looked back at Spencer and cocked my head to rest on the bed.

Spencer’s nose twitched slightly before his eyes slowly opened. I lifted my head before moving to sit on the bed beside him. He gently squeezed my hand as he looked at me.

“Hey,” his voice was low and mildly raspy as he spoke.

“I don’t think you understand how happy I am to see you awake, Spence,” I whispered as I grasped his hand. He tiredly smiled at me and blinked. “Penelope went to get ice chips and food for you,” I smiled at him before exhaling, “Alex… Alex went with,” I gestured towards the doorway.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered before squeezing my hand lightly. It wasn’t very hard, but it was just enough for me to notice the action. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Don’t be sorry,” I shook my head as I rested my lips on the back of his hand.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t as safe as I should have been… And that I made you get that phone call.” He wrinkled his nose as he closed his eyes. I wiped my own eyes and shook my head.

“It wasn’t your fault or Alex’s fault… It’s no one but the guy who shot you… Please don’t blame yourself,” I whispered as I grasped his hand in mine. “I’m just happy you’re okay.” I looked up at him as tears rolled down my cheeks. Spencer tiredly smiled back at me.

Although I was angry that he was currently in the hospital, in Texas, I was okay that he was finally awake and safe. I feel like there was no one to actually blame for this though. I mean, sure there was the bad guy. But, Spencer was just trying to protect Alex.

“What’s wrong,” his voice shook me from my thoughts and brought me to look at him. I wiped my eyes and put a small smile on my lips.

“I’m pregnant,” I whispered as I looked at him. Spencer furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at me. He wanted to readjust in his spot, but I stopped him from moving. “Don’t hurt yourself, Spence.” I rested a hand on his shoulder. He looked at me with a fresh and certain dampness in his eyes.

“When… When did you find out?” he asked as he lifted his to hold mine. I smiled and let him hold it.

“Just -Earlier tonight… Before I came here. I wanted to tell you when you got home. But then I got a phone call from Aaron about… Well-” I looked around the hospital room before looking back at Spencer.

“You’re not jus-”

“Hey! Hey! Hey! Look who’s awake!” Penelope exclaimed as she stepped into the room. I looked over my shoulder at her with a forced smile. Her phone was pressed between her shoulder and ear, and a tray with food in her hands.

Spencer looked at me, his lips still parted, and tears fresh in his eyes. Obviously, he wanted more information about my sudden news to him, but he didn’t want to talk about it in front of Penelope and Alex.

“Just woke up.” I squeezed Spencer’s hand lightly. Alex looked over at me before handing me a paper cup with hot chocolate. I nodded and silently thanked her.

“Tell her she can go now, please.” Penelope looked between Spencer and I as she nodded towards Alex. I laughed as I looked at her.

“I’m okay, Alex. I’m sure the team needs you more than I need you.” Spencer lifted up his other hand and waved her away. It was Alex’s turn to laugh.

“Okay, okay. I’m outta here.” She looked at the three of us with a relieved smile. “I’m happy you’re awake,” she squeezed Spencer’s hand before leaving.

“I got juice, broth, and Jell-o!” Penelope exclaimed as she placed the three items on the table.

“Oh boy, jello! My… My favorite.” He peeled his eyes off me and looked over at Penelope. I kept my eyes on him for a moment longer before looking over at Penelope.

Spencer lifted his hands to pick up the spoon on the table. I smiled as I watched him poke at the food in front of him.

{***}{***}{***}

I looked down at Spencer, who was fast asleep with his head in my lap. I smiled softly as I ran my fingers through his hair. He looked so peaceful as he slept. It was a good thing too. He hardly got any rest in the hospital… Especially after everything that happened. I don’t blame him though.

“When did you find out?” Aaron looked at me with a small smile on his lips. I looked up from Spencer’s face and at Aaron. I noticed everyone was looking upon Spencer and I with joy and excitement on their faces. Do they seriously know? Did they really profile me and my pregnancy? I know JJ wouldn’t tell anyone.

“What… What’re you talking about?” I raised an eyebrow. I continued running my fingers through his hair. I looked down at Spencer when he adjusted in his spot. A small smile tugged onto the corner of my lips as I watched him.

“You have that new mother glow,” David spoke with a smile as he swirled his whiskey. I bit my lips together to hold back the smile I didn’t want to share.

“And, I think you’ve thrown up a dozen and a half times since you came here,” Derek pointed out. I looked over at him, my lips half parted as I prepared to argue back.

“I found out 3 days ago, okay. A few hours before Aaron called me about,” I pointed towards Spencer’s neck. “It’s still new to me… And Spencer,” I whispered as I looked back down at Spencer. I smiled and dropped my shoulders. “I’m just happy he’s okay,” I wrinkled my nose as I lifted my free hand to wipe my eyes.

“Wait, you’re pregnant?” Penelope looked down at me as she stood at the small corridor that held the cockpit and bathroom. I looked up at her and smiled. “How come you didn’t tell me? You were literally in the room when I shot a gun?! Poor baby,” she cringed as she held a hand out towards my belly. I laughed lightly and shrugged.

“I just found out, Penelope. You didn’t scare the bean.” I smiled as I watched her walk towards the back of the plane. The jet was filled, hardly any seats open. “I think you scared me more than anyone else. And that includes Spencer,” I laughed lightly.

“He was about to hurt Spencer! I couldn’t allow that!” she exclaimed as she finally sat down by Cruz. I smiled and looked back down at Spencer.

“And, I appreciate that.” I looked back down at her. It looked like she wanted to continue on about my sudden announcement of my pregnancy, but it seemed like JJ got her to be quiet. I looked back at JJ and mouthed a quick ‘Thank you,’ before looking back down at the still sleeping Spencer.

He wrinkled his nose before shifting so he was facing me. I looked up and over at Alex, who was staring at the table in front of her. Her expression was emotionless and the way she remained silent and away from our minor celebrations worried me.

Aaron’s phone chimed, causing everyone (Spencer excluded) to look his way with fear on their faces. I could feel my heart rate pick up, fearing for everyone around that they’d have to go back.

“Please tell me we don’t have another case, Hotch,” Derek asked, looking at Aaron. I looked between the two before dropping my stare back to Spencer.

“No, we’re going home. We’re getting a break,” Aaron said as he placed his phone back on the table top. I let out a sigh of relief as I pressed my head to the wall behind me. And suddenly I could feel the exhaustion hit me for the first time in 3 days.

{***}{***}{***}

“How are you feeling?” Alex asked Spencer as we went up the stairs to our apartment. I fumbled for our apartment key as we stepped onto the landing.

“I feel great!” Spencer’s tone was sarcastic as he led us to our home. “Eh, that’s overselling it… I feel great considering I just got shot in the neck.” He placed his hand on his shoulder, near where he was shot.

“Is it the whole being a dad thing that’s making you feel great?” Alex asked, looking between Spencer and I.

“That’s what I was thinking,” I smiled back as I looked at Alex. She smiled at me as I stood in front of the door to unlock it.

“I guess you could say that.” Spencer entered the room once the door was unlocked. I allowed Alex in before I stepped in and locked the door. “Having a baby definitely adds to the feeling great feeling.” He smiled at me. I returned the smile and stepped up to him. He looked down at me before kissing me.

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick. Alex, if you’re not here when I get out, it was nice seeing you again… And I hope you have a good rest of the night.” I smiled at her.

“It was nice seeing you again… Wish they were different circumstances,” she dryly laughed as I walked over to her. I wrapped my arms around her body and embraced her in a tight hug. She let out a deep sigh and pressed her face into my shoulder. I bit my lips together and felt tears form in my eyes before stepping away from her.

“Have a nice night,” I whispered before leaving the room. I glanced at Spencer and smiled. He returned the smile with a shy one and waved as I went into our room, and then the bathroom.

I made sure to be quick. I knew Alex would be going home any minute and I didn’t want to leave Spencer alone. He’s been through too much already… He shouldn’t be alone right now.

When I stepped out of our bedroom, Spencer was standing by the window, looking out at the street. Something on my face made me not feel good.

“Where’d Alex go?” I asked as I stepped over to be beside Spencer. I wrapped both my arms around his middle and rested my head on his chest.

“Went home,” his voice was a low whisper. I pouted as I looked out the window to see Alex getting in a taxi cab. Spencer wrapped an arm around me and hugged me tightly.

“Lets go lie down. It’s probably best you get some rest. Maybe the both of us.” I looked up at him. His eyes were wide with a familiar wetness in them. He blinked and looked down at me. “We can talk baby… Something happy,” I smiled at him. Spencer forced a smile onto his lips and nodded.

“Let’s go lie down.” He nodded towards the bedroom. I grasped his hand and pulled him back to the room.

“How long ago did you find out,” Spencer asked, resting his head on my shoulder. I pulled the blanket over our bodies before resting my head on top of his.

“Few days ago… Before Aaron called about…” I shrugged when I didn’t continue my statement. Spencer nodded when he gathered the rest of my thoughts. “But it’s true… I took 3 tests…” I chuckled lightly. Spencer let out a small sigh and nodded.

“Ethan’s a great name… If we have a boy,” Spencer whispered to me as I sat beside him on the bed. I looked over at him and took note of the badge he was holding on to. I dropped my shoulders when I saw Alex’s photo.

“She left, she quit,” he said so softly to try to keep his voice from breaking. I reached over and grasped his hands and rested my head on his shoulder, “Why does everyone leave?” he sighed deeply as he rested his head on top of mine. I glanced up at his face and saw tears were rolling slowly down his cheeks. He was quick, though, to wipe them away. I’m sure he was hoping I didn’t notice. But I did.

“Sometimes people just need to move on. And, I guess it was just Alex’s time to move on,” I replied in a whisper. I lifted my hand and reached for the other side of her badge. “I know her husband wanted her to move to Boston with him,” I added. Spencer flipped the badge closed and dropped it to the comforter.

“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Spencer whispered as he grasped my hand. “She called me Ethan, at the scene where I was… I asked her who Ethan was, while you were in the bathroom. And, she had a son. No one knew that. He died when he was 9…” his voice broke again and suddenly I was crying.

“Ethan’s a great name.” I wrinkled my nose as I rubbed my other hand over my incredibly flat tummy. “Perfect name,” I nodded. We sat in a comfortable silence, a silence that was more than welcomed. "Isn't Ethan the name of your college best friend and roommate?" I asked, raising an eyebrow slightly. Spencer’s breathing stilled for a moment before he answered.

"Possibly."

if you want to be a part of a taglist or have any comments about this one shot, let me know here

#shadow posts stuff #shadow writes stuff #masterlist #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid #criminal minds #mgg #spencer reid fan fiction #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #matthew gray gubler fanfiction #matthew gray gubler imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader #doctor spencer reid #doctor spencer reid imagine #doctor spencer reid fan fiction #pls validate me

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thejolexgroupchat · 3 years

Text

the one where they met in med school - part twenty-two

siblings and paper rings

Hello everyone!! Thanks so much for all of your support for this fic. We hope you enjoy this next section!

(March 2009)

———

"Alex!" Meredith screeched as she met him in the hallway. "Alex! Answer your damn phone. I've been trying to call you for the past hour. Why weren't you answering my calls?"

"Sorry, Jo and I were in an on-call room, ya know," Alex smirked, a smug glint in his eye.

"Ew, gross," Meredith made a face. "I did not need to know that."

"Well, aren't you happy that I didn't answer your calls while we were—"

"No, no, I'm going to stop you right there because I don't want to hear about the dirty, jailhouse hooker things that you and Jo do in the dark corners of the hospital," Meredith shuddered. "Anyway, that's not what I wanted to talk about?”

“What did you want to talk about?” Alex exhaled impatiently.

“I wanted to talk about why your brother showed up at my house this morning while I was in the shower,” Meredith whisper-yelled. “Why didn’t I know you have a brother? And why doesn’t he know where you live?”

“Crap,” Alex paused in the middle of the hallway. “What’s he doing here?”

“I don’t know, but I told him I’d bring him here with me to see you, so he’s hanging out in the lounge right now,” Meredith answered.

The pair walked down to the residents’ lounge quickly. When Alex entered, he saw his brother standing there, talking to Izzie, Lexie, Jackson and Cristina.

“Alex is the oldest, then me, and then Amber,” Aaron took a bite out of the granola bar in his hand. “Amber’s graduating from St. Savior’s in May. She’s… she’s smart like Alex. She could go to college if she wanted to, but she’s like “what’s the point?” you know?” And I don’t know what to tell her. Alex is the doctor in the family. I just move people for a living.”

“Hey, what are you doing here?” Alex chuckled lightly, startling Aaron, whose face lit up upon hearing Alex’s voice.

“Alex!” Aaron grinned and pulled his older brother into a tight hug. “Man you got old.”

“Dude, uh, what are you doing here?” Alex asked again.

“I had to drive to Portland on a job, and since Portland is in the neighborhood...” Aaron shrugged.

“Well, Portland is not in the neighborhood,” Alex shook his head, an amused smile on his face.

“It’s three hours,” Aaron waved dismissively. “I can do three hours in my sleep.”

“Alex, he’s your brother. He’s allowed to come say hi,” Lexie rolled her eyes.

“I’m overdue for a visit,” Aaron explained. “It’s been almost five and a half years.”

“No it has not,” Alex made a face.

“Since you’ve been home?” Aaron raised his eyebrows. “Five and a half years.”

“You haven’t been home in five years?” Izzie gasped.

“Has it been five years?” Meredith looked at Alex expectantly.

“Amber was twelve the last time we saw you. It was that Christmas when you brought Jo home for the first time and mom walked in on you guys having sex because you’d just gotten together the night before,” Aaron chuckled at the memory.

“Glad to see some things never change,” Cristina muttered under her breath. “We walk in on them on a weekly basis around here. They've been going at it like rabbits for the past few weeks.”

“We were not having sex,” Alex protested. “We were… kissing that’s all.”

“Oh yes, kissing with no clothes on. Definitely not having sex,” Aaron quipped sarcastically, garnering a few chuckles from the residents in the room. “Where is Jo by the way? Doesn’t she work here with you?”

“Aaron?”

“Speak of the devil,” Jackson nudged Lexie as Jo stood in the doorway of the lounge.

“Jo?”

“Ah! Aaron?” Jo rushed over and embraced him enthusiastically. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it!” Jo pulled away to get a good look at Aaron. “Look at you. You’re all grown up.”

“Grown up enough to get you to leave my brother for me?” Aaron joked.

“Yikes, I hate to break it to you, but there’s only one Karev that holds the number one spot in my heart,” Jo paused for dramatic effect. “Amber.”

“Shut up,” Alex laughed at his girlfriend. “I think my mom would agree too. I think all of us would agree.”

“He’s right,” Aaron nodded, a smile on his face.

“So, what’s going on?” Jo asked. “Not that I’m not happy to see you, but, why are you here?”

“Well, I missed you guys,” Aaron tilted his head. “But since you guys are doctors, I thought I’d ask…” Aaron lifted up his shirt. “Should I be worried about this?”

***

When he woke up that morning, Alex did not think he’d be spending the first part of his day trying to locate Dr. Bailey in order to beg her to perform his brother’s umbilical hernia repair pro bono. But there he found himself filling out his brother’s paperwork as Aaron roamed the halls in a hospital gown saying God knows what to all of his coworkers. By the time Alex found Aaron again, he was sitting at a chair behind the nurses station, staring at the scans the Jo had pulled up.

“And that right there is a kidney,” Jo pointed at the screen.

“No way,” Aaron’s lips curved up slightly. “That’s so cool. Sometimes I wish I would’ve gone to school or training of some sort. I’ve always thought that I could’ve been a good firefighter.”

“You’ve still got plenty of time,” Jo encouraged. “You’re young and can do whatever you want.”

“I guess you’re right,” Aaron nodded. “I gotta live through this surgery first.”

“It’s a simple procedure,” Alex explained as he came up beside them. “Dr. Bailey is one of the best and she’s done this countless times. You’re going to be fine.”

“Alright, well I’ve got to go,” Jo straightened and placed a small kiss on Alex’s cheek. “I’m in the pit today with Hunt. Love you!”

“Love you, too,” Alex replied watching as Jo walked away.

“You look stupid,” Aaron made fun of his older brother who glared at him. “I’m serious. You’re watching her walk away like you’re never going to see her again.”

“Shut up,” Alex rolled his eyes. “Let’s get you to your room.”

“Why aren’t you guys, you know, married yet?” Aaron asked when they finally got back to his hospital room.

“Because we’re not,” Alex replied simply.

“That’s not an answer,” Aaron sat down on the bed. “I’m serious. Why haven’t you married her? You guys have been together for over five years. What are you doing? Is this it? Is this all you have to give of yourself?”

“Of course not,” Alex sighed. “Look, we haven’t really told anyone this, but we’re kind of trying for a baby.”

“You’re trying for a what, now?” Aaron’s eyes bulged. “A baby? As in an actual child that’s half you, half her, that you would raise together?”

“Yeah,” Alex breathed out a shaky laugh. “Yeah we are… well, weren’t not exactly trying, just not... preventing anything.”

“That’s great man. I’m happy for you two. I’m glad that you feel ready to take that step,” Aaron patted Alex's shoulder. “That still doesn’t explain why you haven’t popped the question yet. Grandma Lois would kill you if she found out that you were trying to knock your girl up before marrying her.”

“I think I’m going to propose soon. I need to get a ring though, and it has to be perfect… I want to give her everything. She deserves that,” Alex stated quietly.

“You may want to give her everything, but honestly? I don’t think she wants everything,” Aaron looked up at his older brother’s puzzled face. “I think she just wants you. And to be married to you and have kids with you. You’re all she wants and all she really needs. I know you aren’t used to that because of the way we grew up, but Alex, you’re going to keep making excuses for why you can’t propose for the rest of your life as long as you keep thinking that she deserves better than what you can give her.”

“When did you get so smart?” Alex narrowed his eyes. “I swear, the last time I saw you, the only thing on your mind was football and sex.”

“I grew up,” Aaron shrugged, a dimpled smile donning his cheeks. “Just ask her to marry you already. If you want, I’ll go with you to look at rings as soon as they clear me after surgery.”

“I’d like that,” Alex grinned, leaning forward to ruffle Aaron’s hair. “You’re going places, kid.”

***

Two Weeks Later

“Did you hear Nurse Jen got engaged last weekend? She came back from skiing with a massive rock on her hand.”

“Really? That’s like the sixth one in the past two months,” Cristina’s voice was annoyed, Meredith chuckling at her. “I only know because they always make a big deal out of their gloves ripping on the flashy rings their spoiled rich boy fiancé’s buy them.”

Alex rolled his eyes as he shrugged out of his scrub top and grabbed his shirt from his locker. He was used to the pointless gossip the three girls swapped in the locker room, their voices and laughter always echoing out louder than anything else happening in the room.

“Maybe the next one won’t be a nurse but one of our very own residents,” Meredith chucked her scarf at Alex, making him toss the fabric back and stare down the three women with a disgruntled stare. “Don’t give me that look, I think it’s about time you manned up and popped the question to Jo! I mean it feels like just yesterday we were calling her Dracula and now she’s kicking ass and taking names.”

“She’s got a point, Evil Spawn, pretty soon she’s gonna get tired of your shit and realize she’s way too good for you,” Alex met Cristina with a glare, the dark haired woman winking at him in return. “Seriously though, why’re you dragging your feet?”

“Shut up,” Alex grunted, trying to push the conversation aside.

“C'mon, Alex, you guys have been together for a million years and you haven’t even thought about marrying her,” Izzie threw her hands up in exasperation as Cristina and Meredith nodded their heads in agreement. “I'd be getting impatient if I were her. Me and George weren’t even together when we got married. But we loved each other and that was enough. Especially since life is short and you never know how much time you have left.”

“If it’s the commitment you’re afraid of, that’s okay. We’re all messed up and have problems with that, but I have to agree with them, Alex. Time is ticking,” Meredith said, folding her clothes and putting them in the locker. “And if it’s the wedding you’re worried about, you can always borrow my post-it notes.” She chuckled, making the other girls join her in a laughing fit.

“Leave me alone, all three of you. I have thought about marrying her, I’m aware that she could do much better, and I’m not afraid of commitment or the wedding part. I actually want to have a giant wedding, for your information,” Alex scowled before allowing his face to soften a bit. “And I don’t owe you any explanation because this is none of your business, but…” he rummaged around his locker and pulled out a tiny box that made all the women gasp giddily. “I’ve had to keep it here for the past week because she’d find it in the loft, but I’m proposing. Tonight.” He smiled, sitting down and showing them the ring.

“Oh crap!” Cristina’s eyes widened. “You bought an actual diamond engagement ring.”

“No I’m proposing with a paper ring,” Alex deadpanned. “Of course I bought a ring.”

“Alex, this ring is beautiful,” Izzie fawned over it.

“Really? You think she’ll like it?” He looked at it one more time before turning his gaze to the trio standing right behind him.

“I think she’ll love it,” Meredith said.

“Good. All those options at the store made me anxious. I never thought I’d ever go ring shopping, so I’m still a bit insecure about my choice, but I hope you’re right. I hope she loves it,” Alex let out a nervous breath, closing the little box again and putting it back in the back of his locker.

“Dude, grow a pair,” Cristina teased him.

“Shut up,” Alex rolled his eyes, making them laugh as they made their way out of the room.

“Don’t worry, Evil Spawn. Dracula is gonna love it. You did a great job,” Cristina patted his back with a smile on her face as they parted ways.

What did you think of this chapter of the med school fic? Are you just as excited as we are? Let us know what you think in the comments!

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ikleesfiction · 3 years

Text

Will you follow through if I fall for you?

Fandom : One Chicago Word count : 1,652 words Disclaimer

Previously on this fic : Part 1 🞂 Part 2 🞂 Part 3 🞂 Part 4 🞂 Part 5 🞂 Part 6 🞂 Part 7

Part 8

"Okay, you have passed all our tests. We can officially clear you now. Congratulations, Y/N!" your therapist informs you while you are sitting on the floor, panting, after pushing yourself hard.

You grin widely, elated. "Thank you!!" With your phone in hand, you are so excited to share the good news with Jay.

"I will send my notes to your physical trainer in Amsterdam. That way, he can correctly maintain your fitness level." your therapist pats your shoulder and leaves.

Your heart suddenly dropped. How could you forget that you're leaving? What should you tell Jay now?

◢◤

Jay's cell phone rang on his desk when he went to the restroom. Hailey planned to answer it if it's related to the case they're working on. But when she sees your name on the screen, she lets it ring. The phone soon stops ringing. It only chirps one time after that.

"Your boo was calling," Hailey says, a bit miffed, to Jay. He grabs his phone to check it. "She gets that you're currently working, right?" Hailey continues as Jay scrolls on his phone. Ignoring his partner's comment, he immediately leaves the room.

Jay sees you standing on the sidewalk outside the 21st District. "This is a nice surprise," he walks toward you. "But unfortunately, I don't have much time to enjoy it," Jay continues with a warm hug.

"I know. That's why I bring lunch here, instead of asking you out. Maybe we can sit down somewhere quiet and have it together?" you hesitantly suggest.

Before Jay can answer, he hears Hailey coming out from the District. "Hey Halstead, let's go. We got a hit on our suspect!"

Jay gives you an apologetic look, "Sorry, I gotta go."

"Of course. I understand," you say even though your face doesn't betray the disappointment. "Here, take this. It's enough for two. You can share it with your partner," passing him the paper bag from your hand.

Jay accepts the bag and kisses you quickly. But you know each kiss now is counted. So you palm his cheek and give him a lingering kiss before dejectedly resting your forehead on his lips. Jay notices something feels wrong. He puts his hands on your face and looks at you in concern, "You okay?"

A horn is honking impatiently behind him. You clench your jaw, frustrated. "Go. Be safe, okay?" You tap his chest gently.

"I will," Jay answers instinctively. He then quickly goes to the car, where Hailey's already waiting.

◢◤

You have laid on the couch since you're back from The 21st District. The sun already sets, the room has darkened, but you're still not moving. Your thoughts are all over the place.

You jerk in surprise when you hear your phone vibrates angrily on the coffee table. You see Nick Kroes is calling. Nick is initially, and still is, Alex's manager. When you started to gain more recognition for your work at Alex's record label company, Pyramid, Nick then decided to take you under his management as well.

"Hey, Y/N. I heard the good news! It's been a long time coming, girl! Cannot wait to have you back here,"

"When do I have to leave?" you cut to the chase.

"How about next week?" Nick ponders.

"A week?" you stutter in disbelief.

"I know, I'm sorry I couldn't arrange it to be sooner," Nick misunderstands your upset.

"No, I mean... Can you give me a month?" you plead.

"You want to stay there for another month? I thought you'd be asking me to send you a plane tomorrow." Nick startles.

"Yeah. Just.. there's something I need to do. Please, Nick?", Your voice sounds desperately close to begging.

"Ah... I'm sorry, Y/N. We really need your help here. Two weeks is the maximum time I could give you," Nick ruefully tells you.

You close your eyes in resign. "Okay. I'll try to sort it out in two weeks."

"Thanks, Y/N. If you need anything else, just tell me, okay?" He says as he ends the call.

◢◤

It's already nearing midnight. Jay calls you even though he's not sure if you're still awake. The phone only rings twice before you pick up.

"Hey, love. You're not asleep yet?" Jay greets you.

"Nah, I can't sleep without knowing you're okay," you reply, which is a half-truth.

"I'm always okay. Well, most of the time." Jay chuckles. You smile but stay silent.

Taking a deep breath and ready to bite the bullet, you start to say, "Jay, I need to tell you.."

But you hear him speaks at the same time. "So, babe. I'm going to.. "

Both of you laugh nervously. "Okay, you start first," you decide.

"I need to go undercover soon. So I might be unreachable for quite some time," Jay informs you.

"Is it dangerous?" you faintly ask.

"A bit. But my people will keep an eye on me. I'll be fine." He tries to assure you.

"How long is it gonna take?" you feel more disheartened. Really, time is not your best friend right now.

"As long as needed. It might be a week or two. Hopefully not more", Jay tells you lightly.

You close your eyes, trying to contain your tears from falling. You only have two weeks before leaving Chicago. "That's long." your voice sounds shaky.

"Yeah. But it's my job, Y/N", Jay huffs.

"I know, I know. I understand," you say as calmly as you could while hiding your anguish at the same time.

But Jay doesn't feel console. "Do you? Because you sound uncertain about it. Did you just realized the consequences of dating me?"

"Hey, I don't wanna fight," you toughen your voice. "You're going to be away soon. I don't wanna us be mad at each other for a long time."

Jay stays silent, but you can hear his ragged breaths. "Please be careful, alright, Jay?" you continue.

"Yeah, I will," he promises. "Look, I gotta go to sleep. Tomorrow's gonna be a long day."

"Okay. Sleep tight. I love you," you murmur your goodbye. Jay hangs up the phone without saying anything else.

You slept restlessly through the night. The next morning, you wake up to two text messages from Jay.

I gave your number to Hailey. If anything happens to me, she'll call you. I'm sorry for snapping at you last night.

I'll try my best to come back to you soon. I love you

◢◤

Nearing your departure, you hang out at Molly's every night. Whenever your friends from Firehouse 51 are not on shift, you always have someone with you. But tonight, all of them are working. So you sit alone at the bar, with a glass of ice water in front of you.

"Mind if I sit here?" says someone on your left. You look to your side and find Will Halstead standing there.

"Dr. Halstead, Hi," you nod at him as he takes a seat.

"Just because the other Halstead isn't here doesn't mean you can keep calling me that, Y/N," Will jokes. You smile shyly.

"You just got off shift? How was your day?" you ask him. Will has heard from Jay about this before. How genuine and caring you are to your friend. Always asking simple, but thoughtful questions.

"It's great. Busy, but I'm glad I didn't lose anyone today. How was your day? How is the podcast going? I cannot wait for the next episode," Will says.

"You listened to my podcast?" you ask him, dumbfounded.

"Yeah, I did. Jay told me about it. It keeps me company on my way to work. I like the remix that you played in the last episode. Smokey Robinson's song? What's it called..." Will tries to recall.

"Tracks of My Tears?" you reply. You smile to yourself, remembering your first car ride with Jay.

"Ah yeah, did you make that remix?" Will asks.

"Oh, I wish I were. But no, that was a work of the great Avicii," you explain. "You really enjoy it?" you ask him, still with a hint of doubt.

"I do, yeah. We have a similar taste in music, I think. Unlike Jay, though. Bet the only reason he listens to it because he likes to hear your voice", Will mocks his brother. You burst out a laugh. "But I know he's proud of you and your work." Will continue after his laughter.

"Hmm, yeah. I'm proud of Jay and his work too. Even though, sometimes it sucks," you harshly tap your phone that sits peacefully on the bar table. It lits up after your touch. Will can see a picture of Jay making a ridiculous face on the screen.

"You heard anything from him yet?" you question him.

"Not from him, no. But I saw Burgess today at the hospital when she's interviewing a victim. Said Jay's fine. They think they could wrap the case in a few days." Will informs you.

"Good. That's good." you pause to sip on your water. "Hey Will, may I ask you a question about Jay?"

"Sure. Ask away." Will nods.

"Is Jay.." you falteringly begin. "When Jay's mad, is he a type who's holding grudges for a long time?"

"Well, depends on the person. If they are a criminal, absolutely. If they are someone he's close to, sure, sometimes he can be a stubborn asshole. But in the end, he always forgives them, especially if it's someone he loves," Will answers. "Why? You guys had a lover's quarrel?"

"Hmm, something like that," you vaguely answer.

"I say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Jay must've been impatient to go back to you." Will tries to comfort you.

You are so close to telling Will the truth. That, instead of thinking of a past quarrel, you're actually preparing for the upcoming storm. But in the end, you change your mind. "Thanks, Will." you just give him an unconvincing smile.

Next on this fic : Part 9

+x Taglist +x

@shipshipshipau @itsdesiree86 @thevelvetseries @annaallicce

#fanfiction #jay halstead x reader #jay halstead fic #jay halstead imagine #one chicago fic #one chicago #chicago pd tv #chicago pd fic #jay halstead #will halstead #hailey upton #original work #wyftiiffy

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fandomstuff67 · 3 years

Text

Yet another fix it for 15x20

Third fix it in three days, wow. This fix it will not be the last either, I’ve got a few more planned.

So this one, is a fix it, but only for Dean’s funeral, where everyone should have attended, not just Sam and Miracle. As usual, read below or on ao3

Celebrating the life of Dean Winchester

Word Count: 2.7k

Sam didn’t know how long he stood there, arms wrapped around Dean’s limp body, sobs pulsating through him with every breath. He didn’t know how long it had been when he finally managed to summon the strength to pull Dean away from the post or how he was able to lift Dean’s body into his arms and carry him towards the Impala.

The two boys they’d saved were standing outside, clinging to each other in fear and Sam had to muster up a small smile as he set Dean gently down on the ground.

“Hey guys, just give me a second okay? Then we’ll get you someplace safe.”

The boys nodded and Sam crouched down beside his brother and reached shaking hands into Dean’s pocket where he pulled the Impala’s keys.

It took him a few tries to get the key into the doors lock but once he did he gestured towards the kids. “Hop in, okay? I just need a moment.”

“Is he sleeping?” the youngest boy asked as he looked at Dean.

Sam had to fight to keep the tears from falling as he nodded slowly and met the boy’s eyes. “Yes, he’s just sleeping.”

The two boys climbed into the front bench of the Impala and Sam carefully opened the back door and then bent down to pick Dean up again before placing him in the backseat.

He slid into the driver's seat, again fighting tears as he thought about how Dean hardly ever let him drive the car and how Dean said he rode the brakes too hard. The ache in his chest expanded and he swallowed down the lump in his throat before turning the key in the ignition and pulling the Impala away from the barn.

He drove to the nearest police precinct and gave a brief explanation of what happened to the cop behind the counter, omitting the details about vampires, before he left the boys in the hands of the law.

The drive back to the bunker was eerily silent. Sam couldn’t bear to put on any music, knowing that the second he turned on the radio it would be playing one of Dean’s classic rock cassette tapes. Instead, he just focused on the rumble of the engine under the hood, it was a sound he’d been hearing all his life and it had become a comfort to him, just to hear it everyday.

When Sam reached the bunker he couldn’t seem to get his feet to work. It was like he was glued to the seat, and he pressed his forehead against the steering wheel and let the tears fall again, letting the aching sobs take over him.

It took him a long time before he had himself under control again but when he stepped from the car and hoisted Dean’s body from the backseat and entered the bunker, his emotions got the better of him again when he saw Miracle waiting for him.

Miracle wagged his tail and came to greet him, sniffing at his shoes and ankles. “Hey there, boy,” Sam said shakily as he brushed past him and moved down the hallway towards Dean’s room.

He hesitated in the doorway, even though Dean’s weight was crushing, but seeing the empty room, clothes strewn across various furniture, the unmade bed, the job application Dean had just signed, made him almost want to go lay Dean out on one of the library tables instead. But he forced himself to enter the room, because it was where Dean would want to be, on his bed, not some hard table.

Once Dean was on the bed, Sam sat beside him and Miracle leaped up onto the mattress and instantly started licking Dean’s face.

“He’s gone,” Sam said softly when Miracle looked at him in confusion at Dean’s lack of response. Miracle whined and nosed at Dean’s body again before looking back at Sam. “He’s gone,” he repeated. It was the only thing he could seem to say, as if he was trying to get it through his head too, not just the dog’s.

He knew he had things to do, arrangements to make, people to call, but he felt too numb to do anything. He’d seen Dean’s dead body before, too many times, but this time it was different, this time he wasn’t coming back, this time Sam had to continue without him. He wasn’t even sure if he could do that, but he knew he had to try because it was Dean’s dying wish that he live his life.

Eventually, Sam managed to drag himself to his feet and drop some food in Miracle’s bowl before stumbling to the library where he sat at the table, staring at the five names etched into its surface, his phone sitting in front of him.

He stared at the black screen for a moment, before he opened his phone and clicked his way through his contacts. Dean’s name was the first one he saw and he only hesitated for a second before he clicked the call button; the need to hear Dean’s voice again was too powerful.

He could hear the phone ringing down the hallway but once it stopped Dean’s voice came from the phone’s speaker.

“This is Dean’s other other cell, you must know what to do.”

Sam ended the call and let out a shaky breath. He couldn’t just sit here and call Dean over and over again, he had to tell people what happened, he had to call their friends.

The next name under Dean’s in the contact list was Donna. His finger hovered over her name for a moment as he tried to control his breathing. When he finally pressed call, and put the phone on speaker, he could feel his heart beating faster as each ring filled the air.

“Hiya,” Donna answered after the third ring. “What can I do ya for, Sam?”

“Uh, hey Donna,” Sam replied. He knew he sounded like shit, he knew his voice was tear jerked and rough, that it was obvious something was wrong.

“Oh no, what’s happened?” Donna asked, instantly worried.

Sam felt the tears in his eyes again and the softest of sobs escaped his lips. “It’s Dean,” he managed to choke out. “He’s-” he trailed off, trying desperately to get air into his lungs as his chest seemed to be collapsing at every corner. “He’s dead,” he finally sobbed.

Donna was silent on the other end and Sam could hear the quiet intake of a breath. “I’m so sorry, Sam,” she said after a moment.

Sam nodded as more tears slid down his cheeks. “Yeah, so um, I guess I’ll be holding the wake in a few days, at the bunker. Um, I want to tell Jody myself, but uh, can you… I know it’s a lot to ask but… can you get the word out, I just… I don’t think I can-”

“I’ll get the word out, Sam,” Donna cut in.

“Thanks,” Sam replied. “I gotta… I gotta call Jody, but I’ll see you in a few days?”

“I’ll be there.”

Sam hung up and once again tried to get himself under control before he called Jody.

She answered right away and Sam could hear the voices of Claire and Alex in the background and the sizzle of something on a stove.

“Hi Sam,” Jody said, a smile in her voice.

Sam hated that he was about to wreck her good mood. “Hi Jody.”

“What’s up? You don’t sound so good.”

“You might want to sit down,” Sam said.

“Okay…” Jody replied. He could hear her move away from the stove and pull out a chair. “What’s up?”

“It’s Dean, he’s… he’s dead.”

There was silence for a moment, and then, “how?” Jody asked, Sam could hear the break to her voice, the shake of it as tears undoubtedly began to fall from her eyes.

“Vampire hunt,” Sam replied. He sniffed and gripped the phone tighter. “I’m holding the wake in a few days, Donna’s already telling people what happened, but maybe you could help her out? I have to… I have to prepare the-the body, and everything.”

“We’ll take care of it,” Jody said.

“Great, uh, thanks.”

With the calls made, Sam sunk further into his chair and shut his eyes, he had a lot to do in the next few days, but for now he just wanted to sleep.

****

When Sam opened the bunker door five days later, he didn’t expect to see so many people lined up to come in.

There were Jody and the girls, Donna, Doug, Charlie, Bobby and the rest of the apocalypse world hunters, and lastly, Eileen.

Sam accepted hugs and condolences from everyone, but he held onto Eileen the longest. “I’m so sorry, Sam,” she said. Sam could only nod as he took her hand and led her into the bunker.

“So, uh, Dean’s body is in his room, and I figured tonight we could build the pyre,” he said once everyone was inside and had turned to look at him. “There’s beer in the kitchen and I’ll go out to get the pizza soon.”

“I can get it,” Bobby offered. “You’ve been through enough.”

Sam nodded in relief. “Okay, thanks.”

Sam collapsed in a chair next to Eileen and watched as people filed off to find beer or go see Dean.

“You know, I remember when I first met you boys,” Jody said as she sat down across from Sam, a beer in hand.

“Yeah, you arrested us,” Sam replied as he raised a beer of his own to his lips.

Jody chuckled. “That I did.”

“And I tried to kill you,” Eileen said.

Sam nodded, the smallest of smiles on his lips. “Yeah.”

“You boys saved me from fat sucking monsters,” Donna added as she came to join them.

“And Dean killed Lucifer,” Bobby said.

“He did,” Sam agreed. “And Hitler.”

“And Hitler,” Jody laughed.

“I never got along with Dean,” Kaia said as she and Claire gravitated towards the table. “But he saved a lot of people, myself included.”

Claire nodded in agreement. “I remember when I tried to have him killed, he should have been furious, but he never held a grudge against me.”

“Dean was a good person,” Charlie said.

“The best,” Sam replied.

“Hey, Sam?” Claire asked.

“Yeah?”

“Where’s Cas?”

Fuck.

Through it all he and Dean had really forgotten to tell everyone about Cas.

“Uh,” Sam choked slightly, eyes focused on his beer. “He’s um, he’s dead too.”

“What?” Claire gasped, horror passing over her face before tears sprung from her eyes and she turned into Kaia’s arms.

“Dean said the empty came for him, he uh… he never told me why,” Sam replied quietly. “Sorry, I… I didn’t even think… I thought Dean would’ve… a lot’s happened these past few days.”

Sam watched Kaia lead Claire away towards a corner of the bunker and Sam returned to his beer, taking a long sip.

Jody reached out a hand and touched his arm gently. “It’s okay.”

Sam shook his head, once again finding that he was crying. “It’s not. Cas was part of our family and we didn’t even… he didn’t deserve that.”

“But we know now, we can celebrate his life today too,” Jody replied.

Sam nodded mutely and let his hand fine Eileen’s again, holding onto her like she was the only thing that was keeping him grounded, and she probably was.

Bobby went and got the pizza and they ate to the sound of Dean’s favorite songs filling the bunker. Sam hardly managed two bites of food, but he chugged down a few more beers in the pizza’s stead.

After many drinks were had, and many stories were told (of both Dean and Cas), Sam knew it was his turn to speak, sohe forced himself to stand in front of everyone.

“Thank you all, for coming. None of us really expected to see this day, least of all me. I never thought… I’d be standing here at my brother’s funeral, I always assumed we’d end up dead together. But, Dean would have wanted you all to be here, and I’m sure he’d be proud of all the alcohol we’ve consumed.” That earned Sam a small chuckle from the crowd and Sam smiled at it. “Dean was always there for me, he always looked out for me, and protected me. He always knew he’d go out on a hunt, he always knew there would be a day where he wasn’t brought back to life, and this time, when he died… he chose to go and he chose to stay gone.” Sam paused and gripped his beer tighter. “And Cas, he was my brother too, he sacrificed so much for Dean and me, the last of all being his life. They’re both going to be missed, but Dean wants us to keep going, I’m sure Cas does too, and so that’s what I plan to do.”

Murmurs of agreement pushed their way through the crowd and Jody raised her beer to the air. “To Dean and Cas.”

“To Dean and Cas,” everyone echoed.

After they drank to Dean and Cas, Sam led everyone out to the clearing behind the bunker and together they all began to build the pyre Dean would finally be laid to rest on.

It didn’t take long, with all of them working together, and soon the pyre was ready, the only thing it was missing was the body. Sam stared at the empty stack of wood for a few moments before he cleared his throat.

“Right, I’ll go… I’ll go get him.”

“Do you want help?” Jody asked.

Sam shook his head. “No, no, I’ve gotta do this alone.”

Without another word, Sam headed back inside and found his way to Dean’s room. Miracle was curled up at the base of Dean’s bed and he raised his head when Sam walked in. Sam paused to pet him but he quickly stood again and moved to Dean’s side.

He pulled the white sheet away from Dean’s face and took in his brother one last time.

“You shouldn’t have gone out that way, Dean,” he said in a choked whisper. “I’m sorry.” He took a breath to steady himself and forced the tears back down. “I’m going to try and live my life for the both of us, I’m going to make you proud.”

He drew the sheet back over his face and then began to wrap him up in the cloth, tucking it in carefully around his body and securing it with ties. When he finished, he gently picked Dean up and made his way out of Dean’s room. Miracle trailed at his feet as he pushed his way outside and placed Dean’s body atop the pyre.

He stepped away and joined the circle of people surrounding the pyre and let his hand fall back into Eileen’s.

“Well, this is it,” Sam said. “Thank you for everything, Dean.”

“You’ll never be forgotten,” Jody added.

“Your story will be told for years to come,” Donna said.

“The great Dean Winchester, who fought angels, and demons, and God himself,” Bobby said.

“And Cas,” Sam said with a sniff. “Thank you for saving my brother in more ways than one.”

“Thank you for trying your best to make things right with my family,” Claire added.

“Thank you both for being there,” Sam choked out. He flicked open his lighter, Dean’s lighter, that he’d dug out of Dean’s pocket the other day. He let the flame sway in the light breeze for a moment before he raised his head to look at the pyre.

“Goodbye Cas, goodbye Dean.”

With that, he tossed the lighter towards the pyre and watched as it caught on the dry brush and spread to the top of the wood, engulfing Dean in flames.

It was the hunter's funeral Dean deserved.

Miracle whined at Sam’s feet and he let his free hand brush against his head as more tears fell from his eyes.

The smoke clouded Sam’s vision and he tilted his head to the sky, watching the blue move timelessly above him. He hoped Dean was up there, he was sure Dean was up there, with Jack in charge now there was no way Dean had ended up in Hell.

He knew he’d join Dean eventually, but he wasn’t going to make that day today, as much as he’d thought about it. He had Eileen, and Miracle, and Dean would be pissed if he joined him too soon.

With a sad smile, Sam turned his gaze back to the pyre and gave Eileen’s hand a squeeze. For now he was going to live his life, just like he told Dean he would.

Tag list (ask to be added or removed):

@anotherdowneyfan1 @tearsofgrace @quxxnxfhxll @rebelangel67 @professorerudite @adsdragonlover @wantstoflyafraidtofall @goblinwritergay

#Supernatural #spn #15x20 fix it #Dean's funeral #fix it #fanfic #spn fanfic #supernatural fanfic #fanfiction #dean winchester #sam winchester #miracle #my writing #yes i wrote another fix it #because dean deserved a better funeral

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todaysgenderistherevengecrew · 3 years

Text

Hold Me (When I Find You)

Authors note: I had this idea like a week ago because Willie is such a physically affectionate person what if Caleb used that as a form of punishment and this was born. I do have an idea/a starting for a sequel if anyone is interested. Thank you to the amazing @bored-weather for coming up with the title!

@moony221b and @reggiesjams both asked to be tagged

TW: for emotional abuse, gaslighting, panic attacks, and allusions to physical abuse

“William.” Caleb’s voice stops Willie dead in his tracks the minute he steps back into the Hollywood Ghost Club. “Where have you been?”

“Just out skating,” Willie says, shoulders curling in towards him.

Caleb makes a tsking sound. “Now, now, William I really thought you would know better than that,” Caleb says, stalking towards him.

Willie shrinks back, “Kno-know better than what?”

“I’m going to give you one last chance to tell me where you were and maybe I won’t be upset,” Caleb says.

Willie knows confessing is his best bet but he can’t tell Caleb everything so he goes for a half truth. “I went to say goodbye to Alex,” He mumbles, avoiding eye contact.

Caleb swings his arm back like he’s going to smack Willie. Willie cries out, drops his skate board, and brings his arms up to block it.

“Oh William,” Caleb says, stroking his cheek gently, “You know I would never hit you right?”

“Yeah,” Willie says, still not looking at him, “Of course.”

“I do of course know you’re still lying to me,” Caleb says, dropping his hand and stepping back.

The abrupt loss of contact makes Willie sway forward. “What?” He says panicked, “I’m not… why would I lie… I didn’t…”

Caleb puts a hand up to silence him. “The bus William,” He snaps.

“Oh,” Willie says, collapsing in on himself.

“Yeah,” Caleb snaps, waving his hand and suddenly they’re in a dark room.

“No,” Willie cries out. “Please no Caleb I’m sorry.” He stumbles towards where Caleb stands in the doorway.

“William we both know my club is built on trust so if you are going to lie to me, I think we can both agree you need to spend some time away. It’s for your own good,” Caleb says and swings the door shut before Willie can respond, leaving him in complete darkness.

“Please,” Willie sobs, “Caleb I’m sorry. Please, please, let me out. I promise I’ll never lie to you again.” He tries to stumble towards where he remembers the wall’s being but he can’t find them. It’s like he’s in an empty abyss with no end only suffocating inky black darkness.

***

Willie doesn’t know how long he’s in there when one of the wall’s light up, he just knows his eyes hurt from crying and his throat is raw from screaming. He recognizes it’s one of the camera’s Caleb has around the club, the one’s Willie helped him set up. When he realizes what he’s being shown he knows everything’s been in vain. Caleb won. He got the boys. Caleb always wins.

He thinks Caleb’s intention is for him to watch him break them, they’re clearly still getting hurt, but halfway through they start to flicker. Alex is the first to disappear and Willie’s seen what Caleb’s stamp does to people, that’s not what it looks like. When Reggie disappears, he realizes it doesn’t look like when people pass over either. Luke takes the longest to disappear but he’s what makes Willie realize they’re returning to Julie because a cocky grin crosses Luke’s face as he flickers and he says something that clearly shakes Caleb as he completely disappears from the club.

When the screen shuts off and Willie is left in the dark, he tells himself it was worth it because at least they’ll be free of Caleb, free to pass over. If he focuses on their freedom maybe he’ll forget that he’ll never have his own, forget that he’s stuck in this dark room at Caleb’s mercy.

***

The door swing’s open and Willie squints in the harsh light. “Come,” Caleb snaps and turns leaving no room for argument so Willie follows him.

“Sit,” Caleb says, waving his hand so a chair pushes into the back of Willie’s knees. “Ernesto.” He says and Ernesto turns on the screen.

Willie doesn’t know what he’s expecting but it isn’t Julie playing the Orpheum. He glances at Caleb confused but Caleb is staring at the screen unflinchingly. After a few moments he turns back to watch. He sees the boys appear in the order he watched them flicker out. He watches them all break free of Caleb’s hold on them and Willie’s so proud of them.

It’s an amazing performance, he always assumed they were good because they got big so fast but hearing them play is something else. When Alex stands to sing Willie can’t stop the smile that crosses his face.

When the song ends and the boys bow, he realizes why they’re watching.

“Tell me William,” Caleb says, turning back to him as the video goes to the replay screen, “Does that look like crossing over to you?”

Willie looks down as it sinks in. The Orpheum wasn’t their unfinished business.

“I asked you a question William,” Caleb asks.

“No,” he whisperers.

“That was two days ago,” Caleb says and Willie’s head snaps up, “They have not returned to the club.”

Willie stares at him in shocked silence.

“This is on you William,” Caleb says. “Go help Ernesto set up for tonight’s show.” He turns and walks away without another word. He’s so caught up in his own head he doesn’t realize until the end that everyone had avoided even brushing against him.

***

Willie hadn’t been allowed to leave the club since Caleb let him out of the room weeks ago, hasn’t even tried, and Willie was so bored. He knows that that isn’t the biggest of his worries, the guilt was eating him alive. Alex was gone and it was his fault, but he hates how the boredom drains him, hates that when his brain doesn’t enjoy something it just wants to shut down and sleep, something he can’t do as a ghost. He was always just exhausted and no one would touch him. Alex would have. Alex’s hand in his. Alex’s arms around him. Alex’s hands gripping his shirt like he mattered. He’s used to the boredom making him tired but he forgot how draining, how cold, not being touched was. He hadn’t been touched, not even accidentally, since he left the room. He knows it’s intentional, knows it’s because he doesn’t deserve it, but he just wishes someone would slip up just once, he’s so cold. He misses Alex. Alex was always so warm, like a mini sun.

***

It’s days later when Caleb brushes his shoulder on Willie’s as he goes past. Willie spasms and lets out a shaky breath, caught off guard.

“Something wrong William?” Caleb asks, turning back.

“No,” Willie says, putting his head down and stepping back, “Nothing’s wrong.”

“Good. You know I worry about you, right?” Caleb says.

“Of course, sir,” Willie says, not looking up.

“You just make everything so hard for yourself,” Caleb says, “Maybe if you tried a little harder things would be easier.”

“I’ll try,” Willie mumbles.

“Good boy,” Caleb says, patting his shoulder and Willie almost bursts into tears.

“Thank you,” Willie murmurs, his whole-body trembling.

Caleb steps closer and for one moment Willie thinks he’s going to touch him again but all he does is say, “See you later William.” And step past him, this time without touching Willie and somehow that is so much worse.

***

Caleb seems all powerful but his performers, they are fallible. They don’t always hear Willie, see him coming, stop talking in time. They’re how he finds out that Alex is alive. That’s how he decides he’s going to leave. Because he would do anything for Alex. Alex, who says he would have followed Willie if he skated away. Alex, who doesn’t blame Willie for bringing them to Caleb. Alex who, despite everything, held onto him like he meant everything. Alex who he’s going home too.

***

Willie waits until Caleb leaves and slips out. He isn’t stopped and Willie realizes how much Caleb underestimates him. He expected Willie to stay like a dog and didn’t even have anyone watching to stop him.

Willie goes to check Julie’s first but hesitates outside the door. What if Alex doesn’t want to see him? What if Alex has had time to process what Willie did and hates him? Willie would risk anything for Alex, to make up for what he did to Alex, but what if that’s not enough?

His thoughts are brought to a screeching halt when a voice behind him says, “Willie?”

He whips around and halfway down the steps in front of the garage door is Alex. Amazing, perfect, beautiful Alex, okay and not crossed over or poofed out of existence Alex, and Willie doesn’t know what to do with himself. It feels like the wind has been knocked from his lungs.

He doesn’t have to do anything though because before he can respond Alex is running towards him and Willie takes a step back on instinct. But when Alex collides with him, he wraps his arms around him and it surprises Willie so much he stumbles backwards and pulls them through the garage doors. Alex’s stops them from hitting the ground, Willie doesn’t know how, he just knows that he definitely didn’t do it.

“Are you okay?” Alex asks, pulling back to look at him. A pitiful sob rips its way out of his throat at the loss of contact. Willie hates himself for it because Alex didn’t even go that far, his hands are still cupping Willie’s face so how pathetic is Willie for that?

Alex’s smile falls and he asks, “What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“No…” Willie is sobbing and gasping for air and he doesn’t know how to tell Alex to stop or never stop or please… he can’t breathe… what’s happening? He needs… he wants… he…

“He’s having a panic attack,” One of the other boys, Reggie he thinks, says.

“I know Reggie,” Alex snaps but he doesn’t sound mad, just stressed.

“Okay,” The voice, definitely Reggie, says this time, “You do well with mine you got this just don’t panic yourself.”

A door opens and a girl’s voice, probably Julie he vaguely remembers her being outside with Alex when this all started, asks, “What’s going on?” This was definitely not how he planned to meet her.

“Willie, you can’t see him, is here. We should give them space,” Reggie says.

Willie’s whole body is buzzing and he feels like he’s floating in a sea of TV static. But then suddenly Alex is back in front of him. “Hey,” he says softly. “I know it’s scary but the human body can only maintain a panic attack for 30 minutes.”

“What?” Willie gasps out and he realizes at some point he was sat down on the couch.

“Have you ever had a panic attack before?” Alex asks. And yeah if that’s what this is then he’s had them before but it’s nice to have a word for it. He doesn’t have the words for that so he just nods.

“Okay what can I do to help calm your breathing? Just do your best to tell me,” He says, his voice is so kind Willie doesn’t think anyone’s ever been this kind to him. He realizes he has no clue what helps he’s never had anyone care enough to help before.

“I… I don’t…” He gasps, “I don’t know… I never…”

“Okay,” Alex says, gently, “Let’s just start somewhere. Can I touch you?”

Willie nods and Alex lifts his hands to his chest. “Can you try to breathe with me?” he asks, taking a deep breath. Willie tries, he really does he promises he wants to do what Alex asks, but he can’t get his breathing to calm down and that only freaks him out more.

“Hey, hey,” Alex says, “It’s okay if you can’t. Can I try something else? I’m going to touch you more but if at any point it’s too much and you can’t say anything just squeeze my hand and I’ll stop.”

Willie nods again and Alex pulls him fully into his chest and rests his head on Alex’s chest. Willie swears that he can hear a heartbeat even though he knows that’s impossible, although he supposes he isn’t supposed to be able to breathe either. Alex keeps deep steady breathes and eventually Willie feels his begin to match.

As he slowly starts to calm down, he realizes Alex is now softly whispering to him and running his fingers through Willie’s hair. “Good job. You’re doing so good. It’s going to be okay. I got you.”

Once his breathing comes back to normal Alex leans back a little but reaches up to cup Willie’s face with one hand. “Hey.”

“God Alex I’m so…” Willie starts.

“Please don’t apologize,” Alex says, gently rubbing his thumb over Willie’s cheek. Willie can feel every point they make contact and he feels on fire.

“I know but still.” Which is not an explanation.

“What happened?” Alex says.

“I was just so worried and you’re okay and it’s been so long since any one… and I’m just so glad you’re okay,” Willie says, pushing their foreheads together.

“All thanks to you,” Alex say softly.

Willie’s eyes scrunch close and he shakes his head. “No,” he says, “this is all my fault.” his voice cracks.

“Willie no we’ve been over this…”

“No but I’m why Caleb found out and I couldn’t stop him.” Willie mumbles.

“What?” Alex asks, softly, and he doesn’t even sound mad.

“When I got to the club Caleb knew about the bus and he put me in the room and I couldn’t stop him and I’ve been so lonely and I’m so sorry I couldn’t stop him,” Willie sobs, breathing picking back up.

“Hey,” Alex says, “Hey it’s okay. Don’t panic. You did your best. I’m so proud of and grateful for you. I’m so sorry we left you with him for so long.”

Willie lets out a sob but he’s also smiling and Alex is holding him and nothing is okay but maybe everything is. Willie doesn’t know what the future holds but in this moment he’s okay and Alex is okay and maybe they can have one moment to just be okay.

#julie and the phantoms #alex julie and the phantoms #willie japt #japt willie #caleb covington #japt #japt alex #tw: abuse #tw: panic attack #tw: gaslighting

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creepy-carrion · 4 years

Text

Hotline | Tim Wright x Reader

“Can I have ‘I called you at 2am because I need you’ with my guy Tim Wright please ahaha....? Also you’re like my fav hc writer/whatever writer 🥺”

BRO HHHH OH MY GOSH TYSM,, that means so much i,, ;;;;;;; here is the good food hope u enjoy <3 when will I write Tim in an established relationship? Who kno

cw: alcohol mentions

You didn’t exactly refer to yourself as a light sleeper, but the thunderstorm raging outside was loud enough to wake you up with a bang. The flashes of lightning illuminated your room once every few seconds, as the rain clattered loudly against your window. Even if you could tune out the noises of the wind and rain, the roaring thunder and flashing lights were a lot more difficult to ignore.

Sighing, you swung your legs over the edge of your bed, rubbing your eyes. You had not been sleeping well to begin with, your mind being the one to keep you up. You really did not need the elements to work against you as well.

This wasn’t going to work. Maybe with a bit of luck the storm would pass in a bit, or maybe you’d eventually pass out downstairs. You sleepily shoved your feet into your pair of fluffy slippers, popping your back before heading downstairs. Maybe some warm milk would help. And hell, you could add a shot of Bailey’s. You deserved a treat.

As you made your way through the living room to get to the kitchen, you noticed the screen of your phone flash. That’s odd, you had missed calls? You couldn’t recall having any before heading to bed. Probably some scammer trying his luck at a late hour... at least you hoped so.

You were wrong. Thirteen missed calls from a number you recognized as Tim’s. Shit. Didn’t he mentioned being mixed up in some shit lately? You didn’t put it past him to call you over the police, the bloody idiot. With shaking hands, you pressed the numbers on your phone and pressed call.

Tim picked up almost immediately. You couldn’t help but let out a shivery sigh. He wasn’t dead, at least, thank fuck. “Christ, Tim, I- how is- are you alright?” you stumbled over your words, desperate to find out what the hell was going on. “I... uhm... yeah, I’m fine.”

If the blatant hesitance wasn’t enough to make you doubt that, his tone of voice sure as hell was. He barely spoke above what could be considered a whisper, his voice sounded scratchy, and he sounded so, so tired.

“Tim, I...” You interrupted your sentence with a sigh as you started pacing through your living room. “Why are you so desperate to call me? It’s-” You pulled the phone away from your ear to check the time. “It’s 2.18 in the morning. Hell, it’s night. Did you do something? Whatever it is, I can help, but-”

“(Y/N)! Nothing is going on. I’m fine, okay?” Tim raised his voice at you, interrupting your rambling. You paused, standing still as you waited for him to continue. “I just- I don’t know... I don’t know, okay?”

There it was again. That tiredness in his voice, the scratchiness... He probably meant he was doing alright physically, because he sounded like utter shit. “When was the last time you slept..?” You broke the small silence with your question, moving to sit down on the couch.

“I thi-” He paused, his sentence interrupted by an aggressive coughing fit. “I think three days ago...” You swallowed, deciding not to respond. Something probably did happen. But it was probably best if Tim just got to talk for now. “Things just- The nightmares are back, and some stuff went down with Jay, and I... God...”

You could hear his voice crack, then a brief silence. “I called you because I... I need someone right now. I need you. I need- I needed to hear your voice.”

You bit your bottom lip, before straightening your back. Clearly you needed to be there for him right now. “It’s okay, Tim. I’m here. Are you back in the area already or are you still, well- wherever you are?”

“Yeah... I’m not around... Can we just stay on the phone?”

“That’s okay.”

You were both quiet for a moment, Tim’s shaky breathing aside.

“Uhm.. So... Is it storming where you are at as well? It’s fucking crazy out here. The rain is just pouring out of the heavens, it’s surprisingly loud against the windows, too...”

Tim muttered to himself, something to do with hearing static, before replying. “No, it’s clear... Not good weather but, you know...” He scraped his throat. You could hear him shuffling around in his room. “I didn’t wake you up... right..?”

You couldn’t help but snort. “After thirteen tries? No, Zeus and his massive shitshow woke me up. You did, however, interrupt my booze hour. I was literally on my way to the damn kitchen.”

He huffed, but you could practically feel the stupid grin he was wearing on his face right now. “I thought you’re supposed to drink at 5 PM, not 2 in the morning...”

“You know better than that, c’mon. It’s always 5 PM somewhere.”

“Right, sorry. Haven’t been drinking much lately anyways.”

“Well, we can fix that once you’re back.”

He chuckled, causing you to grin as well. “Yeah, I uh, I hope I’ll be able to come over soon.” He quieted down, licking his lips. “I just really- I kinda wanna see you again, you know?”

Your grin turned into a warmer smile as you hugged your legs to your chest. “I miss you too.”

Tim swallowed thickly, and you could faintly hear the sound of him fumbling with some paper. “Yeah, I... yeah. So uh... didn’t you say you were going to check out that expo a while back? How was that?”

And so you stayed up for hours, you going off on little tangents about the day you had while he just asked questions and listened, the comfort of hearing your voice drowning out everything else. The operator didn’t matter. Alex didn’t matter. You were all that mattered. You were all he needed.

After two and a half hour of rambling, you paused, listening for his response. “Tim? You there?” The only response you got was the calm breathing from the other end of the line, the previous shakiness nowhere to be found. You smiled to yourself, wishing you were there to witness it.

“Goodnight, you idiot... love you.”

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whatdidimissjm · 4 years

Text

Hamlaf Week Day 3 - Fire

Alex always leaves his phone on silent, especially at night. Still he gets woken up by a loud and obnoxious sound and after looking around a bit disorientated to locate where it´s coming from, he notices that it´s in fact his phone ringing on his bedside table. He needs another few seconds of just staring at the ringing phone, until he is awake enough to realise that he should pick up. He grabs it, squinting at the far too bright screen and sees that it´s Lafayette calling. Why is his boyfriend calling him in the middle of the night?

“Hi, babe, what´s the matter?”, Alex asks, his speech a bit slurred because of how tired he is.

Lafayette is rapidly speaking French, but his voice is almost drowned out by the cacophony of noises in the background.

“What? What? Laf, slow down, I can barely understand you.”, Alex says, now far more awake. “Take a deep breath and then explain what´s happening.”

For a moment all that there is to hear are the background noises through the phone and Alex can´t help but wonder where Laf is. He glances at the alarm clock and sees that it´s barely past 3 am.

“There was a fire.”, Laf says finally, his French accent more prominent with how panicked he is. “The whole building is burning.”

Alex is paralyzed in shock for a second, before he jumps out of the bed and runs over to his wardrobe to pull out a pair of jeans and a sweater.

“Oh god, are you hurt? I´ll be there as soon as I can.”

“No, I´m… I´m fine. Just, how you say? In shock?”, Laf answers, but there is still a slight tremble in his voice.

Alex fights with his jeans for a moment, almost falling headfirst into the window, but he couldn´t care less.

“That´s good. I´ll get you. Everything will be alright, baby.”, he promises.

“Thank you.”, Laf says, his voice small and barely audible.

“Do you want me to stay on the phone until I get to you?”

“No, no. I have to talk to the helpers here anyway.”, he is quiet for a moment. “Just get here soon, alright?”

“Of course, baby. I´m on my way.”

As soon as Alex is dressed, he grabs his jacket and keys and sprints down the stairs. After almost falling down for the second time, he slows down a bit, rather getting there a few minutes later than not at all, because he´s lying at the bottom of the stairs with a broken neck. Once he reaches his car, he speeds through the city, not caring about possible penalties he might get. He reaches Laf´s flat in about half the time it usually takes him, partly because of his reckless driving, but also partly because it´s 3 am and there aren´t as many cars on the street. He can already see the flames in the building from a few streets away and feels his hands starting to tremble. Now that he is actually here, it feels far more real than before. As soon as he is close enough, he parks his car on the street and gets out, walking over to where most of the people are waiting. They all look traumatized, almost all of them only wearing their pyjamas. Most of the kids are crying and even some of the adults have glassy eyes. Luckily only a few of them seem to be injured. He recognises some for them, even though he doesn´t know their names.

It takes him some looking around, before he finds Laf, who is standing a bit away from the crowd in just a thin shirt and looking a bit lost. Alex feels guilty for not having brought clothes for Laf, but there is no use dwelling on that now. He takes off his jacket and walks up to his boyfriend, who only now seems to notice him. There are tear tracks on his cheeks and he is shivering. Alex is about to offer him his jacket, when he notices that Laf is bleeding on his arm.

“You said you weren´t hurt!”, Alex accuses, grabbing his boyfriend´s arm, to get a better look at the cut.

Laf follows his eyes, frowning when he sees the blood seeping out of the injury.

“I did not notice.”, he mumbles, his voice still trembling.

“It´s okay.”, Alex rushes to say. “Come, I´ve seen some paramedics over there, they´ll help us.”

Lafayette nods reluctantly and Alex grabs his hand, guiding him to the ambulance.

“Hey. My boyfriend is bleeding, can you help him?”, he asks one of the paramedics, an elder woman, and she nods, her gaze shifting over to Laf.

She has him sit down in the back of the ambulance and while she goes to get the first aid kit, Alex pulls Laf into an embrace.

“I´m so glad that you are alright.”, he mumbles, softly kissing the top of his head.

Alex feels a tremble passing through Lafayette and hugs him tighter, while the younger man cries quietly. The paramedic comes back after a few moments and Alex pushes Laf gently away, though he keeps holding onto his hand.

The cut luckily turns out not to be that bad, which means Laf doesn´t need to get stitches. The paramedic closes the cut with medical strips, before she wraps a bandage around his arm. After making sure Laf doesn´t have any further injuries, she allows Alex to bring him home.

Alex helps his boyfriend into his jacket, before leading him to the car. Laf has stopped crying, but he is still shivering, probably both from being cold and being in shock.

“It´s going to be alright.”, Alex says, once they are in the car, turning around to Laf and squeezing his hand.

Lafayette closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath, nodding slowly.

“Thank you.”, Laf mumbles.

Alex hesitates a moment, before he starts the car, making his way home. They aren´t talking much during the drive, but Alex notices that Laf gets calmer, the father they get away from his still burning building. Some time later, Alex parks his car in his usual parking spot, and they get out. Laf grabs Alexander´s hand almost instantly and Alex gives him a reassuring smile, leading him into the building.

When they are finally in the bedroom of Alexander´s flat, both in their pyjamas again, Alex can´t help but hug Laf once again. He is incredibly glad that nothing worse has happened and now, in the safety of the room, all the tension leaves him, and he can´t help but let out a small sob.

“Pardon, pardon, pardon.”, Laf mumbles again and again, and Alex shushes him softly.

“Not your fault. I´m just so glad you are alright. I was so scared.”

“Me too.”, Laf whispers.

Alex pulls back a bit and rubs the tears from his eyes, before he gets on his tiptoes and presses a soft kiss to Laf´s lips.

“I love you.”, Alex whispers. “I say that far too little.”

“I love you too.”, Laf gives back, a tiny playing around his lips, though he is still crying.

Alex pulls Laf into a hug again and after staying like this for what feels like hours, they get into bed, Laf still clinging to Alex.

“I don´t know if I can sleep.”, Laf says after some time, looking up at Alex with big eyes.

“Then we´ll stay awake.”

Laf nods, letting out a shaky breath.

“Okay.”

About ten minutes later though, Laf is asleep, his face buried in Alexander´s shirt, still holding on close to him. Alex is watching his face in the dim light of the streetlamps outside, only now really coming to terms with how close he had come to losing the other man. He takes a shaky breath, carefully, as to not to wake Laf, brushing a strand of hair out of his face, just so that he can make sure that he is really there. Alex doesn´t know if he will sleep tonight, but as long as he can hold Lafayette close, everything will be alright.

#hamlafweek2020 #hamlafweek #hamlaf #lafayette #alexander hamilton #hamilton #hamilton musical #hamilton fic #my writing #mine #my fics

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artificialqueens · 3 years

Text

The Blue Neighborhood Series: SUBURBIA (Group) - Mac

AN: A million and one thanks to everyone who has been here for this journey, I cannot thank you enough for your support and comments and love. I’m so thankful to have you guys and I hope this last chapter lives up to your expectations.

All my love to Meggie for betaing. All my love to Alex who made me actually start writing this series a year ago. All my love to Barbie for letting me bounce ideas off of her.

All my love to you all reading this. <3

Summary: The girls of the Blue Neighborhood grew up together. Playing in the streets, trading secrets, and falling in love.

And maybe, just maybe, they can forgive each other.

Rock bit back a smile as she heard footsteps bounding up the stairs to the prop room.

A week ago she would have scuttled into the far corner and hid until the person left, but now, as Aiden’s flushed face appeared in the doorway, Rock felt only a trace of nervousness.

“What’s up, bitch?” Aiden said by way of greeting.

Rock rolled her eyes, but patted the cool stone floor beside her, motioning for the other girl to sit. Aiden took her spot silently, the two falling into a sort of semi-comfort that they had developed over the past weeks.

Rock pulled out her phone, instinctively tapping through the screen to pull up the next episode of Sailor Moon.

She felt rather than heard Aiden’s complaint from beside her. “We are not watching this garbage again,” the dark-haired girl said, making a grab for the phone in Rock’s hand. But Rock had been anticipating this, and snatched her hand away in the nick of time, ratcheting up the volume a few notches to drown out Aiden’s groan of defeat.

“You were the one who busted up into my lunch spot. You can either bite your tongue or find another place to hide from everyone who’s pissed at you,” Rock retorted. “Also, don’t pretend you don’t like it, I see the way you look at Neptune, you fucking lesbian.”

Aiden rolled her eyes, but the corner of her mouth twitched up. “First of all, you’re a bitch. Second of all, shut up.”

Rock smirked. “I don’t hear you denying it.”

Aiden waved her hand dismissively. “Yeah, yeah, whatever, just play the damn show so I don’t have to hear you talk anymore.”

Rock smiled smugly to herself, pressing play and sinking back against the cold brick wall, Aiden’s warm presence heavy at her side.

The two watched in relative silence, save for Rock’s occasional need to info dump about a particular scene or character. Aiden rolled her eyes and gave her biting comments, but Rock could tell she appreciated the attention not being on her.

Ever since Aiden had been outed as the person behind the drama account, she had sunk even more into the background. Where before she would pipe in with snark and wit, now she sat back in silence, letting herself practically disappear in the horde.

Rock understood the feeling in a way.

Maybe that’s why they seemed to get along.

Aiden had stumbled up to the prop room one day, seeking asylum from her mistakes, and Rock had let her.

But questions still ate at her, bit at the tension in the air around them as they continued to watch in silence. Rock could feel them steadily bubbling to the surface, tempting her to ruin the peace she and Aiden had found.

She bit the bullet, pressing pause, noticing her breathing was coming out harsher than before.

“Why’d you do it?” she asked.

The question hung still in the air for a long while, so long that Rock nearly looked up to see if Aiden was still sitting beside her.

The older girl sighed, long and low. “You promised you wouldn’t bring it up.”

“Yeah.” Rock nodded, turning to meet Aiden’s eyes. “I lied.”

Aiden broke the contact, putting her head in her hands and letting out a shaky exhale. Rock expected her to leave, to lash out and storm away.

But Aiden just breathed in and out once more before lifting her head, staring at the stone floor intently. “My parents got divorced the summer before freshman year,” she said slowly, as if testing out the words on her tongue. “It came out of nowhere. There were no big fights or warning signs, just… divorce. And Mom never said why.”

Rock saw the other girl’s features soften the tiniest bit before harsh lines replaced them.

“We were happy. A happy, normal family. We played board games and went on camping trips and spent hours staring up at the clouds.” Aiden bit her lip harshly. “It came out of nowhere.”

She took a steadying breath before speaking again. “And then my dad got real sick. Couldn’t be on his own so he moved back in. And I couldn’t—” Aiden shook her head. “I didn’t know how to be there… in that house.”

“Everyday I would come back from school and I’d have lost a little more of him,” she practically whispered, voice suddenly hoarse and grating. “Mom did her best, caring for a man she didn’t love anymore, but she worked, and I went to school and… and… and we weren’t there for him.”

There was a beat of silence before Aiden spoke again. “I didn’t go home the week after he died. I slept in the theatre seats down there, showered in the locker rooms. Fuck.”

Rock didn’t know what to say, couldn’t imagine the pain and suffering that lived inside this girl she had known for so long.

Aiden’s expression hardened, but she still refused to look up from where her eyes were fixed on the floor. “That week I started noticing stuff. People doing shit they weren’t supposed to, shit that didn’t make sense.”

“The account wasn’t supposed to be anything serious, just a place to post dumb shit about the people who were dicks to me.”

Aiden finally turned to meet Rock’s gaze, her eyes wide and helpless. “I didn’t mean for it to get so out of hand, but all of a sudden people found it, and were sending the account other stuff. Confessions, kinks, teacher-student relationships and I-I didn’t know what to do.”

“And then I saw Gigi and Jaida,” Aiden exhaled shakily.

“And I remembered how hurt Crystal had been all those years ago, how hurt she still was about the whole thing. And I tried to bring it up to her, but she shot me down. And I tried to let it go, I really did. But they just kept hooking up, and they weren’t even being secretive about it. And after three fucking years of hurting Crystal, I thought they deserved a little bit of shit for what they did.”

“So you posted the picture.” Rock nodded.

“Yeah.” Aiden sighed.

Rock took a deep breath in and out. “I didn’t know that, about your dad.”

“I didn’t tell anyone.” Aiden shook her head. “I didn’t want the pity. I didn’t want people… looking after me. It didn’t feel right since I didn’t-I couldn’t look after him.”

Rock nodded. “That all must have been…” She paused. “Really overwhelming,” she said lightly, placing a gentle hand on Aiden’s shoulder.

Aiden scoffed, shrugging off Rock’s affection. “Why are you saying it like that?”

“Like what?”

“Like you…” Aiden floundered, “I dunno, understand. Like you’re not mad.”

Rock shook her head. “Oh, I’m mad,” she assured.

Aiden looked down to her fingers, toying with the laces of her shoes.

“But I get why you did it.”

Aiden shook her head, words coming out in a desperate whisper. “I’m not sure I do.”

“You want answers.” Rock shrugged. “That’s all any of us want. You want to know why your parents divorced, you want to know why people lie, you want to know how someone could cheat on someone else.”

Aiden looked up to meet Rock’s eyes, the first look of genuine vulnerability passing between them.

“You don’t get to know.” Rock smiled sadly. “You gotta suck it up like the rest of us and get comfortable with not knowing.”

Aiden’s gaze darted away, breaking eye contact again, but Rock didn’t stop. “You don’t get to make up a narrative and force other people to fit it. You wanna be emo and angsty and upset at the world, fine, you do that, but you don’t get to ruin other people’s lives just because you got dealt a shit hand in life.”

“Tough talk for a bitch hiding in a prop room,” Aiden snapped.

Rock chuckled. That’s the Aiden she knew. “In case it escaped your notice, you’re also up here hiding, dumbass.”

Aiden looked at Rock hard, walls up, defenses primed, ready to attack.

But then she laughed.

Really, genuinely laughed.

And she didn’t stop.

She didn’t stop until tears started streaming down her face, and she was hiccuping around sobs she desperately tried to fight off.

And Rock held her through it.

…

Brita couldn’t help a smile as she made her way down the hallway and through the open doors to the art room. She was met with a chorus of greetings that still managed to make her stomach flip.

She took up her usual seat next to Heidi, and the two began to trade the entirety of their respective lunches. They fell into easy conversation, as the couples on either side of the room were too absorbed in each other to pay them any mind.

Brita watched them out of the corner of her eye, blaming it on curiosity.

Nicky and Crystal sat next to each other, smiling ear to ear and occasionally feeding each other bites of food like lovesick idiots.

“They’re so gross,” Heidi groaned from beside her.

The two girls in question whipped around to glare at her.

“I miss when you were both too gay to talk to each other. Can we go back to that? I miss that.” Heidi whined, stabbing at the pasta Brita brought with a fork.

Crystal raised a challenging brow at Heidi, and without breaking eye contact, which was a feat in and of itself, pulled Nicky in for an overly loud kiss.

Heidi scowled. “I hate y’all.”

Brita laughed at the pair, but as their kiss became more heated, she turned her head, hoping to conceal the flush that ran the length of her neck.

She shook her head to clear it, mind suddenly muddled as she tried to piece together the feelings welling up inside her at such a public display. Her eyes flitted around the room, latching on to anything that could keep her attention.

She saw Gigi, who was perched on one of the tables, elbows resting atop her knees, head in her hands as Jackie rambled on about something to do with a new congresswoman who was ‘changing the political game.’

They seemed… comfortable. At ease around each other in a way that wasn’t unexpected, they had known each other their whole lives, yet Brita was still shocked when they announced they were dating. But now, looking at the two sharing gentle smiles over their respective lunches, Brita didn’t know why she never put the two together before. The pair was well-matched. Their quiet intimacy seeped into their conversation, gentle giggles erupting every so often from their side of the room.

Brita again found herself oddly entranced.

Was that what it was like to love a woman?

Was it always so… tender?

Nausea filled the pit in her gut, and she turned away from the happy couple.

Internalized Homophobia.

She had read about it on the internet. Hadn’t batted her eye at the definition the first time, but now it seemed to be coming back to her.

It didn’t feel good, not at all. Confronting that about herself. Seeing such blatant representation of something she had learned to bury so long ago.

But it wasn’t impossible.

She knew that to get to the bottom of this… whatever it was she was feeling, she had to confront it head on. She had to understand where it came from and why it seemed to hurt her so much.

These girls, these couples moreover, were showing her that it didn’t have to be so hard. That there was a chance for happiness, unabashed joy even. Love.

And that, funnily enough, gave her hope.

Heidi chuckled from beside her, noticing her red face. “You sure you don’t like girls, Miss Filter?”

It took everything in her not to flinch.

Instead, Brita simply shrugged.

And she counted that a victory.

…

Widow started as she nearly ran headfirst into a lanky brunette.

Before she could so much as say something, the figure had bolted toward the school building. Widow just watched him go, an amused smirk pulling at the corner of her mouth. As she rounded the sports shed, she overheard her friend’s voice clear and brash as always.

“Matthews only cares if your paper’s in fucking English, doesn’t matter the content.”

A short blonde girl rolled her eyes pointedly and went to say something, but Dahlia stopped her with a hand. “You know the rules yeah? Change the first and last word for each paragraph.”

The girl nodded.

Dahlia pulled out a handful of loose papers and held them out to the freshman, who grabbed them wordlessly. “Now get lost.”

Widow smiled as the young kid scampered off.

“You really should charge them more,” she called out.

Dahlia started at the sound of another voice, but relaxed as she identified the source.

She smirked, shrugging. “Consider it a donation to charity.”

“I dunno if you can count having half the freshman class cheat off of you for tax write-offs.”

Dahlia chuckled.

“You ‘bout done here?” Widow asked, gesturing to the makeshift office Dahlia had set up.

The younger girl nodded, throwing papers haphazardly into her open backpack.

Widow looked around, the breeze ruffling her curls and sending a shiver down her spine. “Yeah, let’s get outta here, this place gives me the creeps.”

“You think this place is bad, you should see the old greenhouse. That shit’s fuckin’ haunted, man.” Dahlia shook her head.

Widow’s eyes lit up. “The WHAT?”

Dahlia turned to stare wide eyed at her. “You serious? You ain’t ever gone by it?”

Widow shook her head dumbly.

Dahlia chuckled, flinging her backpack over her shoulder.

“Lead the way, bitch.” Widow smiled.

They walked for only ten minutes, past the baseball field and through the line of trees that bordered the athletic quad. Through a patch of thick brush they came to a small clearing. An old greenhouse stood practically tethered to the surrounding vegetation, only because of the fading light reflecting against the frosted glass could Widow even make out the corners of the structure.

Before they could so much as stop, Widow was excitedly pulling her camera out of her school bag, fiddling with the aperture until she got the lighting perfect on the small screen in front of her.

Dahlia rolled her eyes fondly, allowing her friend to stalk around the building, snapping endless pictures, mumbling about shutter speed and light refraction. It was only a matter of time, and a few pleading words from Widow, before Dahlia found herself posing next to the greenhouse.

“I regret this already,” she groaned but allowed Widow to pose her in various absurd positions, all of which felt incredibly awkward, yet came out stunning.

The two girls ventured into the structure, finding the inside just as overgrown and sprawling as the outside. It felt much bigger on the inside, wooden tables covered in pots lined the walls, leaving only a center plot of ground to walk, but the walls were massive, green tint to the window panes making the ceiling appear vaulted.

“This place is gorgeous, oh my god!” Widow exclaimed, practically jumping up and down in excitement. She whipped around to face Dahlia, eyes alight with her signature mischief. “Oh my god, D, we could totally give this place a makeover.”

Dahlia went to protest, because really? But Widow started talking a mile a minute before she could get a word in.

“Just move that plant over there and that table against the far wall, and we could probably fit a couch in here if we turned it sideways. My dad has this old one in the basement that we don’t use. We could get Jaida’s truck and haul it here. And I know Crystal would fucking love to paint in this place. Not to mention we could totally smoke here without getting caught. And—”

Dahlia finally butted in. “What do I look like? Fuckin’ HGTV?”

Widow rolled her eyes, turning to face her friend, the plea evident in her tone. “This place could be a really bangin spot, D,” she implored. “Plus, with it gettin cold an’ all, we’ve got fuck all to do.”

Dahlia sighed. “Remind me why we’re friends.” Even as she said it, Dahlia couldn’t keep the smile from creeping up the sides of her face.

“Because you love me.” Widow whined, pulling Dahlia closer, and peppering kisses against the side of her face.

Dahlia pushed her off gently, miming vomiting, and Widow just laughed.

The two cleared off a bit of the tables, each setting up across from each other. They fell into a comfortable silence, inhaling and exhaling the late autumn breeze, watching as their breath danced in the air.

“You talked to Gigi?” Widow finally asked, shattering their peaceful silence.

Dahlia sighed, long and low. “Yeah.” She nodded slowly. “Said I was sorry about the stuff at the party. I didn’t know… I didn’t mean for it to come out that way. I had no clue.”

“None of us did.”

“Yeah, but it was kinda my fault in the first place.”

Widow shrugged. “It woulda come out one way or another.”

“Yeah, I guess.” Dahlia bit her lip, refusing to meet Widow’s eyes.

“But?”

“But, I still gotta talk to Jan.”

Widow sighed, but nodded her head knowingly. “Yeah, you do,” she agreed.

“I just don’t know how the fuck to go about it.”

Widow scoffed. “Maybe start with ‘I’m sorry.’”

“Yeah, yeah I know.” Dahlia groaned, letting her head drop into her open hands. “Fuck, man. I really messed up.”

“You knew that when you fell for another girl’s boyfriend,” Widow replied.

“Yeah, but it just got so complicated.”

Widow nodded, smiling sadly. “That’s life for ya. Doesn’t mean you don’t do the right thing.”

Dahlia nodded into her hands, breathing in and out slowly. When she finally looked up to meet Widow’s eyes, she nodded. “She and Bryce broke up.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, he told me last week. I didn’t know how to feel.”

There was a pause. “How do you feel?” Widow asked.

Dahlia looked at her for a moment, mind everywhere and nowhere at the same time. “I dunno. I thought I’d be… happy? I guess. But I just feel… nothing.”

Widow nodded. “Well, hey, if you’re ever feeling down, just know that Joe asks me at least once a month if you’d join us for a threesome.”

Dahlia laughed, even though she hadn’t wanted to. “I’ve still got it,” she joked.

Widow rolled her eyes playfully. “You’ve always had it, bitch. You just been wastin’ it on guys you couldn’t have.”

“Yeah yeah, all right, who are you, my therapist?”

Widow suddenly got very serious, her voice grave. “Don’t even joke about that. That’s fuckin’ terrifying.”

“Hey!” Dahlia yelled, flinging a handful of dirt at her friend.

Widow held up her hands in surrender. “Your mind is a scary place, D.”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.”

…

Heidi looked up as the door to the house across the street opened and closed, revealing an exhausted looking Jaida.

The All-Star player exhaled loudly, leaning against her front door. When she opened her eyes, she saw Heidi and had the decency to look embarrassed.

Heidi just smiled knowingly. “You too?”

The tension in Jaida’s shoulders dissipated as she recognized Heidi’s meaning. “Dude,” she exhaled, shaking her head.

“I know.” Heidi chuckled.

“It’s like… they don’t know how to act like people.”

“I know!” Heidi agreed. “What’s with that?”

“The fuck if I know.” Jaida smiled warmly.

“Promise me if I ever get old and start acting like that you’ll just shoot me in the head.”

“You don’t have to ask me twice,” Jaida chuckled.

“Hey!” Heidi scoffed, waving the bowl she had around animatedly.

Jaida just laughed, easy and light.

“Whatcha got there?” She motioned to the Tupperware in Heidi’s hands.

A mischievous smile broke out across Heidi’s face. “Banana pudding,” she winked. “Best you’ve ever had, I guarantee.”

Jaida’s eyes lit up and she raised a brow inquisitively at the dish.

“Go grab a few spoons and you can try some.” Heidi nodded.

“A few?”

“If you think we the only ones with crazy family on Thanksgiving, you got another thing comin’.”

As if on cue, the door to Jackie’s house banged open, the aforementioned girl storming out the door and into the street, breathing harshly. Heidi could feel the anger and hurt rolling off her in waves, and felt sympathy well up inside her. She knew Jackie’s family was rough, they’d been especially difficult the past month with her relationship with Gigi coming to light.

Heidi didn’t think twice about waving her over with a sweeping gesture.

“Hey, guys,” Jackie exhaled, the lines beside her face appearing deeper than they had a few days ago.

The two gave her sympathetic looks.

Heidi clocked the moment Jackie noticed the dish in her hands, her eyes widening a fraction. Heidi patted the ground beside her. “Jaida’s gonna go grab spoons.”

Jaida rolled her eyes but made her way back into the house.

Just then, Nicky’s door opened and the French beauty made her way outside, lighting a cigarette like a reflex as she noticed the girls. She waltzed over to them, smiling all the while. “I thought the point of this holiday was that you were supposed to spend time with your family.”

Before either of them could answer, Crystal’s door banged open.

“Nicky, that better not be what I think it is!”

Nicky’s eyes went wide and she quickly doused her cigarette with her shoe. The french beauty turned on her heel, offering a wide and not at all suspicious smile to her girlfriend. “Ma préféré! I do not know what you mean.”

Crystal raised a challenging eyebrow as she made her way over to the three girls. She surveyed the two on the ground, who pointedly looked away, not about to get in the middle of whatever the fuck those two were on about.

“Mhmmm.” Crystal rolled her eyes.

Jaida appeared again, with several spoons and her own tray of biscuits.

Jackie got up excitedly and rushed back into her house, claiming that she had food too.

The group set up their small feast in the middle of the numerous parked cars that lined the cul de sac. Chatting animatedly about their respective family drama.

It wasn’t long before they were joined by Widow, holding a vat of green beans that her family wouldn’t eat, even though she swore they were seasoned to perfection.

Slowly, one by one, each of the houses in the cul de sac opened and closed, girls pouring out of them, some with food, others with hopeful smiles.

Gigi had bounded over to the group, arms extended with a pot of mac ‘n cheese. She had sidled up right next to Jackie, the new couple whispering in hushed voices, blush high on their cheeks.

Brita joined them not long after, an array of silverware in her hands, and plopped down with Heidi.

Next was Dahlia, with a bottle of wine in each hand.

When Jan joined the group, she looked skeptically at the bottles, but bravely took a swig from each, wincing a bit at the taste.

At some point Rock had snuck into the circle, her occasional odd comment taking the group off guard at the suddenness of her appearance.

The comfortable conversation slowly petered out when Aiden arrived.

The black-haired girl gave a weak smile, gesturing down to the pot in her hands. “I brought stuffing,” she spoke softly.

There was silence.

The group stared at her, and Aiden stared back

The silence went on, each girl’s eyes flitting about the circle, unwilling to be the first to speak.

Until, Rock bit the bullet. “Thank god someone here knows what real Thanksgiving food is!”

There was another beat of silence.

And then conversations resumed.

Slowly at first.

The tension was still there, Aiden wasn’t forgiven, but the tense atmosphere eased a bit as the black-haired girl took up a seat on the outskirts of the group next to Rock, placing her dish in the middle of the circle.

Heidi surveyed the scene, smiling at the sight. A mixture of voices bubbled up from all sides as the girls fell into new, comfortable conversations.

She marveled at the fading color of the trees, signaling the change of season, and the coming winter. As she glanced back over to the group of girls gathered in the center of the street, head clouded, heart full, the only emotion she could pinpoint was hope.

Hope that the girls of the Blue Neighborhood had what it took to tackle the rest of their senior year.

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destiel-love-forever · 5 years

Text

15.3 CODA

Dean stares at the bunker door, refusing to blink. Cas will come back. He just has to wait. Any second now. Cas will get a new wave of energy and come storming in. They’ll yell at each other. Hurt each other some more. Then Cas will go to his room, in the bunker, where he belongs, and Dean will get wasted and crash on the couch.

Dean just has to wait. Once Cas comes back, they’ll finish it. They’ll go through the rest of their routine.

Except, Cas doesn’t come back.

Not after Dean blinks. Not after Dean realizes he’s crying. Not after Dean chugs the whiskey in his glass. Not after Dean fills that glass twice more.

Certainly not after Dean throws the glass at the wall, the chaos of the crash sounding painfully similar to what’s happening in his chest.

He pulls out his phone and calls Cas with shaking hands. His phone rings from across the room. When Dean slowly approaches the thing, as if it’s a bomb about to go off, as if things aren’t already beyond fucked up, as if Dean isn’t already destroyed, Dean finds a neat little pile of things that Castiel left behind.

The cell phone Dean bought him, with the two of them in their cowboy hats as the lock screen photo.

The mixtape Dean made him.

The spare key to the bunker.

The faded old Led Zeppelin t-shirt of Dean’s that they both pretended he didn’t steal.

The copy of Slaughterhouse-Five Dean gave him.

The cowboy hat from their trip to Dodge City.

Dean collapses down at the table with the near-empty bottle of whiskey. As he sips on it, staring off at nothing, Dean replays the conversation. Well, maybe conversation isn’t the right word, considering he barely said anything. It’s more of what Dean didn’t say that matters.

Dean doesn’t trust him. Castiel was right about that.

But… they’ve lost trust in each other before. Multiple times. The two of them can be fucking idiots. They’re great at ignoring things, or keeping secrets. Great at hurting each other.

So, yeah. Dean doesn’t trust him. But Castiel is supposed to wait. He’s supposed to just sulk and take it. Keep apologizing until Dean forgives him. That’s what he did before. That’s all he did in purgatory. Constantly apologizing. It’s what Dean did after the whole mark of cain/demon shit show. He always made sure Castiel knew he didn’t mean the things that had happened, and that he was so sorry.

They get pissed at each other. They fight. They give the silent treatment. But they love each other, and that’s supposed to be enough. It’s always been enough.

Why wasn’t it enough?

Dean takes a long pull of whiskey and slowly swallows it, allowing the liquid to burn him something fierce as it trickles down his throat.

His powers are draining… but when aren’t they? Castiel’s powers have been draining since he rebelled against heaven for Dean. It’s not like he’s falling.

He’s not falling, right?

He can’t be falling.

Dean closes his eyes, his body starting to tremble. Castiel is right, Dean hasn’t even been able to look at him. He hasn’t been paying attention. Dean has no fucking idea if Castiel is falling. When Dean asked him if he was okay outside the impala the other day, Castiel had said, “Yes, but-” and Dean had walked away.

He had walked away!

What if Castiel was going to tell him he could feel himself falling. For real this time, like when he did after the angels fell. Not just low grace, weak powers, and a body that needs to rest more than it should, but falling completely. Becoming human.

And Dean rolled his eyes at him.

Dean let him walk away.

Dean let Castiel believe he was truly dead to him.

Dean let him leave with the intention of moving on.

Moving on? Fucking moving on?

What did Dean do?

What did he do?

What the fuck did he just do?

----

Castiel lifts a shaking hand to the center of the door and tentatively knocks, feeling terrible that it’s so late at night. He only had fourteen dollars in his wallet, which was enough to buy gas for this short trip, but not enough for food or a hotel. This is the only other family - well, not his family, but the Winchester’s family - that Castiel has left. It’s only right he says goodbye to them before leaving for good. He knows it’s awful he didn’t talk to Sam before disappearing, but Sam had enough pain today. Castiel will call him from the road.

The porch light coming on pulls Castiel out of his thoughts. He steps back just as the front door is opened, giving Jody a wobbly smile. She tilts her head and gives him a smile of her own. It’s genuine, and warm, and makes Castiel want to curl up and cry.

“Castiel. Hey. Are the boys,” she stops herself, looking over his shoulder before back at him. He can feel her eyes as they rake over him. The sheriff in her must figure the situation out real quick, because her eyes turn sad and she reaches out for Castiel’s hand, pulling him inside. “You look like you could use something to drink. Do you want a beer? Maybe some whiskey? I think Donna has a bottle of vodka in the freezer.”

Slowly settling on the stool Jody gestures to, Castiel shakes his head. “No, thank you.”

“Maybe some tea?” Jody presses.

“Yes. Tea sounds lovely,” Castiel says quietly, not wanting to be rude. “Thank you, Jody.”

“Peppermint? Chamomile?”

Having no idea in the slightest, considering all Dean drinks is coffee, Castiel says on a whim, “Peppermint, please. Thank you, Jody.”

“Of course, Castiel.” She sets a teapot on the stove, then pulls out a mug and a box of peppermint tea. As the water heats over a gas flame, she turns back to Castiel. He slumps down and clenches his hands together where they rest on the breakfast bar’s countertop. It unfortunately does not make him feel any less vulnerable or inspected. “Are you feeling alright, Castiel?”

“I’m fine,” Castiel replies, hearing Dean’s voice like he’s saying the words for him. It makes him suddenly angry. “Actually, I’m quite exhausted. And hungry. And it’s just been a very long few days. I miss Jack, so much. And I miss Mary. But I don’t think I’m allowed to miss Mary because, well, you know. It’s my fault and all. But I still miss-”

“Castiel, I’m sorry for interrupting, but Mary was not your fault.”

“I’m pretty sure she was.”

“That’s not the story I got from Sam. I know Dean has been taking it out on you, Sam’s been worried. He wasn’t sure if he should step in. But he made it very clear to me that he does not believe his mother’s death is on you. And after he explained everything, I agree with him. Castiel, you wanted to assume the best of your son. That’s what you are supposed to do as a parent. It backfired, yes, but that’s life, Castiel. That’s just how life goes.”

Castiel swallows around a lump in his throat and closes his eyes to stop them from burning. He drops his head, trying to breathe.

The room stays quiet until the silence is interrupted by the whistling tea pot. A minute later, a steaming cup of peppermint tea is placed in front of his clasped hands. Castiel stares at it like he doesn’t recognize it.

“Did Dean kick you out, Castiel?” Jody asks softly.

“He-” Castiel stops when his voice cracks. He clears his throat twice before trying again. “No, he didn’t. But I didn’t belong there. Or I wasn’t wanted there. Or both. It was time I leave. I’m going to - well, I’m hoping to move on.”

When Jody says nothing, Castiel peeks up at her. She looks devastated. “He’s an idiot. You know that, right?”

“No. No, Dean Winchester isn’t an idiot.” Castiel shakes his head, a corner of his mouth perking up. He releases a shaky, self-deprecating laugh under his breath. “Dean Winchester is the best thing to ever happen to me, and I ruined it.”

“Castiel-”

Castiel stares down at his tea, waiting for Jody to continue. She doesn’t. He can’t blame her. What’s there to say? It’s true. His world is crumbling as they speak, and it’s all of Castiel’s fault.

The worst part, though? He can’t even regret it. Any of it. He’d rebel again. Fall in love again. He’d take all of the pain and sadness. All of the pleasure. Every kiss. Every hug. Every hand held beneath the diner table. Every laugh. Every fight. He’d do it all again, happily, because for a while there, Dean Winchester showed him what true heaven was like.

“I’m going to go make up the spare bedroom. You just drink your tea, okay?” Jody asks in the mom voice he’s heard her use with the boys, and Claire and Alex, before.

“I can find somewhere else if-”

“Nonsense. You’re family, Castiel. You will sleep here. Claire will be happy to see you in the morning.”

Castiel takes a sip of his tea, wondering if that’s true. Can he still be family if he’s not with Dean? He always thought he was just included because Dean said so. Is Castiel really loved and cared for by these people, even if Dean doesn’t want them to? Would Claire really be happy to see him? The angel that killed her father?

She did keep the grumpy cat stuffed animal after all…

Jody returns just as Castiel is finishing his tea. She guides him down the hall, showing him the bathroom where he’s welcome to shower if he’d like, then the bedroom. After a final look laced with concern, Jody gives him a quick hug and wishes him goodnight, closing Castiel’s door as she leaves.

Castiel stares at the bed for a minute, the weight of the last few days sinking in. He drags his feet across the room, stripping as he goes. The last thing he does is kick off his shoes right before collapsing onto the mattress in nothing but his boxers and undershirt. He barely has the energy to move around and get under the covers, but it’s so worth it. His entire body relaxes as the warmth encases him.

As the mounting exhaustion begins to pull the falling angel into dreamland, the last thing he thinks about is Dean.

Castiel hopes the man sleeps well tonight. He deserves to get some rest.

----

Dean answers his phone with slow, uncooperative fingers. “Hey, Jody.”

“Dean Winchester, sometimes you are such an idiot that I want to smack you upside the head!”

“Wow,” Dean mumbles, rubbing a hand against his eyes. “You’re welcome for savin’ the world ‘n all.”

“And you’re drunk, too. I don’t know why I’m even surprised.”

“Jody, you need somethin’, or jus’ callin’ to make me feel’ike shit?”

He hears a deep sigh and rolls his eyes. Dean’s not in the mood for her to play mom right now.

Dean has a mom.

Had a mom.

Just like he had Cas.

Now he’s lost them both.

He’s lost Jack.

Rowena.

Ketch.

“I just called to let you know that Castiel is safe. He’s here.”

Dean sits up straight, knocking over the empty bottle of whiskey. He ignores it as it crashes to the floor. “He’s there? At your house?”

“Yes. I gave him some tea to help calm him a bit and put him in the spare bedroom. I know angels don’t sleep, but… well, he’s sleeping. Dead to the world already.”

You’re dead to me.

Dead to me.

I’m dead to you.

You don’t care. I’m dead to you.

My powers are failing.

You don’t care.

My powers are failing.

I’m dead to you.

I know angels don’t sleep.

Dean feels sick to his stomach, whiskey flavored acid crawling up his throat. “I’ll be right there. Don’t let him leave.”

“No, Dean. Go sleep the booze off.”

“I need to be with him.”

“I’m not sure he needs to be with you, though.” Dean flinches like he’s just been slapped. Honestly, it feels like he has been.

But is she wrong?

Probably not…

“Will you just - just don’t let him go disappearing, okay? Take care of him, please.”

There’s a long pause. Then, “Get some rest, Dean. He’ll be fine without you.”

Jody hangs up without saying anything else, leaving Dean alone on the other end. He tosses the phone onto the table and buries his face in his hands. Maybe she’s right. Maybe Castiel will be fine without him. Hell, maybe Castiel will be better off without him. Dean should really just leave him alone.

Dean eventually drags himself to his room, collapsing on the bed. The whiskey and exhaustion do their job, pulling him under in no time. Just before slipping into dreamland, the last thing he thinks about is Castiel.

Dean hopes the angel sleeps well tonight. He deserves to get some rest.

There is now a PART 2! You can read it [HERE] <3

If you enjoy my work & would like to support me, please consider buying me a quick coffee [HERE] or becoming a Patron [HERE]!

#supernatural #season 15 #spoilers #15.3 #rupture #destiel #dean's an asshole #cas deserves better #jody mills #castiel novak #dean winchester #drinking #angst #fighting #break-up #tea #cas being taken care of #dean getting put in his place #slightly hopeful ending ish?

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ofendlesswonder · 4 years

Note

omg can you do “We could get arrested for this.” for supercat pls? and thank you very much! hope you stay safe and have an awesome day! xo

11. “We could get arrested for this.”

Kara crashes through the ceiling of the abandoned warehouse with an almighty crash, landing in a crouch on the ground so hard that she makes a dent in the concrete.

It sends the men within scattering, and it’s reallyeasier than it ought to be, to dispatch the lot of them, fighting with a fury that she doesn’t even know she’s capable of, her laser vision leaving burnt streaks on the walls.

In the centre of the warehouse, a woman is tied to achair, blindfolded, and as Kara approaches, she begins to tremble, doesn’t stop even when Kara pulls the blindfold from her head, kneeling in-front of her and carefully releasing her from the ropes that tie her hands to the back of the chair.

“Ms Grant?” Kara asks, gently rubbing the red weltsaround Cat’s wrists from where she’d struggled against her restraints. “Ms Grant, are you okay?” As she waits for an answer, Kara gives Cat a cursory once-over with her x-ray vision to check that there are no broken bones.

“I’m much better now.” Cat’s voice is quiet, shaky, and her face is streaked with dirt, her eyes a little dazed as they focus on Kara’s face. “Tell me, does Supergirl usually lower herself to search and rescuemissions?”

“She does when it’s someone she cares about.”

Cat had been kidnapped whilst on her way to apolitical rally in National City, and Kara has no idea what the motive of the attack had been beside a high ransom demand, but she knows she won’t rest untilshe finds out.

“Let’s get you out of here,” Kara murmurs, keeping her voice low because Cat still looks very shaken, and Kara hates that it had been three days before she’d found out Cat was missing, because if she’d knownsooner, she wouldn’t have spent so long fearing for her life. “Do you trust me?”

“It’s very hard not to trust the person who just savedyour life,” Cat replies, allowing Kara to help her up and guide Cat’s arms around her neck.

Pressed against her front, Cat is warm, but she’sstill shaking, and Kara can both feel and hear her heart, hammering against her ribcage. She feels so fragile, as Kara scoops her up, making sure to hold onto her tight as she pushes them off the floor, and Cat flinches as below them, the warehouse door crashes open as police file in to arrest the perpetrators that Kara has helpfully left scattered across the floor.

She leaves the clean-up in the NCPD’s capable hands, shooting back through the hole she’d made in the roof, and taking Cat straight to another pair of capable hands, landing them on the balcony of the DEO that she favours whenever she flies into the building.

She doesn’t let go on Cat’s hand until she’s got herinto a treatment room, Alex already waiting for them, and Kara is tense the whole time Alex is checking her over, sagging with relief when her sister assures her that there is no lasting damage.

“Does Carter know I’m safe?” Cat asks, jumping out of the bed as soon as Alex gives her the all-clear, and gratefully shrugging into the DEO hoodie that Kara hands her, noticing she’s still shivering.

“Yes, he’s been staying with his father while you were… gone,” Kara answers, “but I called him when we found you, and he should be here in a couple of hours.”

“Good.” Cat’s face floods with relief. “Can you… canyou get me out of here, please?” She asks, turning on Kara with pleading eyes. “I hate hospital rooms.”

“Where do you want to go?”

“Anywhere,” Cat answers, stepping close to Kara andwrapping her arms around her neck without being prompted, her breathing still shaky, her mouth pressing against Kara’s collarbone, breath hot against her skin. “As long as you stay with me.” She says that quietly, but Kara still hears it, her breath catching as she holds Cat close, and if she makes Cat feels safer, then she won’t ever let her go.

She flies out of the window and hovers high in the sky for a moment, debating where to go, and, deciding that Cat would probably prefer to go somewhere secluded, drops somewhere where she knows no-one will bother them.

“You can open your eyes, now,” Kara murmurs, knowing that Cat hates heights – probably even more so since Kara had launched her offher balcony.

“Are we standing on what I think we’re standing on?”Cat asks, dropping her arms from Kara’s neck but not stepping away as she takes in her new surroundings. “Kara, we could get arrested for this.”

Kara doesn’t acknowledge Cat’s slip, and instead flops down so that she’s seated, her legs swinging over the side of one of the Hollywood sign’s O’s.

“If anyone comes, I can fly us away,” Kara assuresher, patting the space beside her.

“Everyone would still know it was you,” Cat pointsout, but she folds herself down beside Kara all the same, huddling into her side. “Your cape isn’t exactly subtle.”

“Pretty sure no-one would try to arrest me,” Karareplies, enjoying the view that this vantage point offers them. “Are you okay, Ms Grant?”

“No.” Cat turns towards her, eyes more than a littlehaunted. “But I will be – nothing that a bottle of scotch or sleeping pills won’t fix.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t find you sooner.”

“You don’t need to be sorry, Kara.” Cat reaches out tosqueeze the back of Kara’s hand, and Kara can’t help but grab it before Cat can move away, tangling their fingers together. “You did find me, and that’s all that matters. Although I do wish we weremeeting again under better circumstances.” Cat manages to crack a smile, and Kara matches it with one of her own.

“Me too.” It’s been years since Cat left forWashington, and they haven’t spoken since, but when she’d seen the footage of Cat being taken, Kara had seen red, and it had felt like no time had passed at all. “I’d ask how you’ve been, but…”

“Wonderful, until two days ago,” Cat quips, alreadysounding more like her old self. “Who’d have thought that working for the President would have put a target on my back?”

“Maybe you should think about another career change,” Kara suggests, gently nudging Cat’s shoulder with her own. “Come back to CatCo.”

“CatCo is thriving without me,” Cat replies, “as are you, Pulitzer prize winning journalist.” Cat meets Kara’s eyes, her smile fond. “I never reached out to congratulate you, and I should have done, I’m sorry.”

“Oh, that’s okay,” Kara shrugs, more touched than Cat will ever know to realise that she’s kept up with her career even though she’s long gone. “But thank you.”

“I always knew you had it in you.” Cat runs her thumbalong the bumps of Kara’s knuckles, and Kara tries very hard to remember how to breathe – if she’d thought for one moment that any of those feelings she’d had for Cat all those years ago had ever faded, she’s finding that she’s sorely mistaken, now that Cat is back by her side.

“Always?” Kara asks, raising a sceptical eyebrow. “What about when you were waxing poetic about millennials the day I walked into your office? Or yelling at me for not getting your lunch order right, or your latte being too cold, or - ”

“Watch it,” Cat grumbles, though there’s a sparkle inher eye, “you’re starting to make me sound like a terrible boss.”

“You weren’t,” Kara assures her, and Cat shoots her alook that suggests she thinks that Kara is lying. “You weren’t! Sure, you were a hardass, sometimes,” she grins as Cat’s eyes narrow into a glare, “but you were a lot of other things, too. Kind and compassionate and always trying to push me to better myself. I learned a lot from you. I never would have won that Pulitzer without you shaping me into thejournalist I am today.”

“Thank you, Kara.” Cat looks touched, and Kara doesn’t know if she should acknowledge the casual way that they’re talking about working together whilst Kara is wearing her cape – she’s known that Cat’s known for a long time, but they’ve never acknowledged it, had always let it be the elephant in the room, until today.

Not that she’s complaining – it feels freeing, to nolonger have to hide a part of herself from Cat.

“For being kind to me, and for saving me. I can’t tellyou how relieved I was to have you be my saviour, and not one of those insufferable secret service agents – you are much nicer to look at.”

“It was really no problem, Ms Grant.” She’s blushing,which only seems to amuse Cat further, her eyes sparkling with mirth.

“Surely we’re past such formalities at this point, hm?” Cat’s eyes are still on her face, her gaze so intense that Kara struggles to remember how to breathe. “If you’re letting me call you Kara without any protest, I think it’s only fair that you call me Cat.”

“Okay,” Kara nods, “Cat.” Kara feels her phone buzz in her pocket, and she sees a text from Alex on her screen when she glances at it. “Carter’s just arrived at the DEO,” Kara reads. “Are you ready to go back yet?”

“Only for my son,” Cat decides, climbing to her feetwith Kara’s help. “Thank you for keeping me company.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” Kara replies. “It’s beennice to see you again – even if I wish it was under better circumstances.”

“Yes, it has,” Cat agrees, her hand still claspingKara’s tightly, and Kara never wants her to let go. “I’ll probably be staying in the city for a few days, recuperating – feel free to fly by and check I haven’t been kidnapped again?”

“No-one will get close to you on my watch, Cat,” Karapromises, and she’ll station a DEO agent at every entrance and exit to Cat’s hotel of choice if it will make her sleep better at night.

“Oh yeah?” Cat’s voice, unless Kara is very muchmistaken, has turned flirtatious, and it leaves her shaken. “And how are you going to make sure of that, hm?” She lets go of Kara’s hand to slide them towards her neck, dragging her palms over Kara’s collarbones and up and over her shoulders, touch deliberate enough to make Kara’s knees weak. “By staying the night?”

“I-if that would make you feel safe,” Kara says,amazed that she can speak at all with Cat so close. “Then yes.”

“Do you mean to tell me that if I wanted to getSupergirl into my bed, I merely had to ask?” Cat asks, and she’s arching a playful eyebrow but there’s a vulnerability in her eyes, and Kara’s hands are gentle as they slide down to rest on Cat’s hips.

“Did you hit your head when you were held captive?”Kara queries, her voice so soft it’s almost carried away by the wind. “Do we need to get you a brain scan? Because the Cat I used to know definitely didn’t want little old me.”

“Oh, but she did,” Cat says, and Kara’s heart nearlystops. “I wanted you very much, but there was a very long list of reasons why it would be a terrible idea.”

“So what changed?”

“I thought I was going to die,” Cat murmurs, and Kara’s jaw clenches at the mere thought. “And all I could think about, stuck in that damn chair, was all the mistakes I’ve made in my long, long life, and through it all, my biggest regret has been letting you slip away, even though I’d convinced myself that leaving CatCo was the best thing for the both of us.”

“I… I didn’t know you felt that way.”

“I never wanted you to know,” Cat replies, “but now, I… I couldn’t live with myself if I didn’t at least try, and if you don’t feel the same way, then that’s fine, because it’s been years and I’m twice your age, and - ”

Kara cuts her off with a kiss, soft and chaste,because she doesn’t want to hear another second of Cat putting herself down. Cat gasps against her lips before she’s kissing her back, and Kara sighs as shepulls her closer, because as far as first kisses go, it’s pretty damn perfect.

“Come over tonight?” Cat asks when they part, the both of them hyper-aware of the fact that time isn’t on their side, with Carter waiting for them back in National City. “And we can talk about everything?”

“Just let me know when and where.”

Cat kisses her again before they take off,open-mouthed and messy, and Kara’s head is spinning so much that it’s a miracle that she doesn’t crash into any buildings on their way back to the DEO.

#supercat #supercat:minific #lockdown prompts #Anonymous

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nurfhurdur · 4 years

Text

Hard Enough Left Modern AU

Because I miss Ruth

There hadn't been activity on that particular channel in weeks. Every few days Emily would log on, only to be dissapointed to see that nothing had changed. The only activity being comments from other viewers asking when to expect another video.

It had gotten to the point where she had checked to make sure she was still subscribed, and she edited her settings to make sure she'd get a notification the next time there was anything uploaded. It was another three weeks after that, that she had checked the time on her phone to see the banner across the screen.

Rushing through the last of her course work, she threw her backpack on the floor and reached for her tablet. She tapped a fingernail against the screen impatiently as YouTube finally loaded, hitting pause quickly so she could dig her headphones out of the nightstand drawer.

She'd binged Ruth's videos in the span of a few days. She didn't know how girls on YouTube did it, especially with a DIY channel. Starting back from the first videos posted a few years before, the video quality had improved, the girl's editing had improved, and she'd become more comfortable in front of a camera. From cooking, and baking, to personal desk size succulent gardens, or organizing and purging a closet, somehow the girl had made a name for herself on the internet and the most mundane of tasks seemed more interesting when discussed and explained on this girl's channel.

Comfortable in her bed, she finally pressed play and tilted her head as the personalized graphic of a constellation came on screen, which the girl had done a tutorial on also....

When did she have the time to do all this?

She was pulled from her thoughts, and rather startled, to see an exhausted looking version of the girl who ran the channel. Ruth's dark hair was pulled in to a messy bun, circles under her eyes and she looked like she hadn't taken the time to get out of her pajamas. What was most startling, was what looked like a medical oxygen tube beneath her nose.

Looking up into the camera, she waved vaguely with her usual greeting before continuing.

"I've never really shared this, because I never had any reason to-" She held up the small tank of oxygen sitting beside her and grinned flatly. "-but now I do.....so today's video is a bit of a PSA."

Her expression dulled and she stared at the screen a moment. "Get out of the shot."

"I'm not in the shot," came a low response from the corner.

Ruth addressed the camera again. "I have help today."

A few clips were edited in of Ruth and....was that Jesse Hudson?

The Piston Cup driver?

The two were figuring out where to stage Ruth's things, and Ruth watched in exasperation before telling him to leave her stuff alone and let her do it.

"I'm just trying to help."

"This isn't my first video or anything-....no, leave the tank there-"

"Wh-"

"Because that's where I keep it when I'm working here-"

The clip cut back to Ruth's slightly more professional expression and she reached for the camera. "For those of you who keep up, yes, that was Jesse Hudson. Jesse, say hello."

"Hey." He muttered with a glance up from his phone.

"We're twins. Before you flood my inbox, I'm older, it's not that exciting to have a celebrity sibling and-....." Ruth paused and stared at the screen again. "Did you just kick the footboard of my bed?"

Just barely in the frame, Jesse's Nikes could be seen as he kicked off from the bed again, spinning the chair slowly. "Yeah, cause you lie."

"I do not lie. You're- you know what, this is my video, and I'm not spending ages editing it so now the world can see how sulky you are."

The chair rolled further in to frame and Jesse only shrugged a shoulder before going back to his phone.

Ruth took a slow breath, for effect or because she needed it, it was hard to tell, before launching in to a lengthy explanation of why she had been absent for so long.

"I don't have an actual diagnosis, no one can give me a specific name for it-"

The more she spoke, the more emotional the video became. The natural lighting of her bedroom made the video a little surreal, the way it picked up the threatening shine in the girl's eyes wasn't staged, or planned, or even wanted. It was apparent that a portion had been cut. She looked like she had been crying, and instead of lazing in the background, Jesse was sitting beside her at her desk, chin rested on his hand as he looked between her and the screen silently.

"Some of you wonder how I have time to do any of this, some of you are very rude in your questioning of how I have time-"

The clip had been edited again and a more composed looking Ruth stared at the camera before speaking and glancing over her shoulder. "Our older brother thought there was a problem and I'm sure Jesse is getting lectured for something...."

She'd edited captions in, and color coded them for each brother. They appeared at the bottom of the screen while she made a show of her impatience on camera.

"Can you for once in your life-"

"She asked me to help-"

Ruth made eye contact with the camera a moment before continuing, explaining that her illness started back in the early 2000s. Doctors had originally treated her for bronchitis, then walking pneumonia. X-rays, blood tests, screenings and different antibiotics had all been tried with only mininal results. There was the possibility of an autoimmune disorder but they hadn't started that round of tests yet.

"I don't always have an oxygen tank, this is a bit of a new development...." She eyed the small cylinder beside her and it was obvious to see that she was still trying to wrap her head around it. With a shaky and watery smile she looked back at the camera.

"It's extremely hard to be looked at the way people do when you have something like this basically tied to your side."

She ignored her twins' return to his chair beside her.

"For some it's an insulin pump, for me it's an oxygen tank, for others it's chronic pain. We know we have it, while the general public tends to look at us like we're looking for sympathy or leaching the system. Just because it's an invisible disease doesn't mean it isn't there."

She looked at her brother before leaning back in her computer chair. Drawing her knee up, she wrapped an arm around it.

"Where had we gone the other day? Was it the grocery store-"

"Doctor appointment."

"Oh, yeah. It was." Ruth frowned. "I've been issued a handicap sign for the mirror of my car....they haven't sent the new license plate yet. I didn't even want to use it but it was a really bad day for me. My family convinced me to use it to park as close as possible, and then wanted to get me a wheel chair."

She pursed her lips, taking a moment to gather her thoughts and looked in to the camera.

"Some middle aged woman came right up to me and told me she thought it was horrible that I would do such a thing for a closer space. That as a young woman in my twenties, I was more than capable of walking the extra hundred feet and had no right to be using my grandparents' issued sign like that."

She looked away from the camera and swiped a tear from her eye. Barely seen on camera, it looked like Jesse might have nudged her chair with his foot.

"I was so upset I showed her my signature on the back, and then my driver's license. Just because I'm in my twenties doesn't mean-"

She shook her head and sighed while rubbing her forehead.

"It's hard enough for people like myself to be so restricted when we're supposed to be 'enjoying our youth'...don't be that person. Just.....take a moment to realize that we're not always how we appear. It's a smack of pride to even have to use that handicap sign. I just stared at it hanging from the rearview mirror, convincing myself not to take it back down for some complete stranger to then treat me that way?"

"That was the appointment they gave you the tank." Jesse muttered lowly.

"It was." She agreed. "Like that wasn't a hard pill to swallow already...."

There was a brief pause, and it was obvious she was mentally shaking herself. She diverted the topic somewhat, sitting up straighter and getting composed.

"So that's where all my time comes from. This started as a hobby a few years ago and because of you-" she gestured to the screen. "-faithfull viewers and subscribers, I've networked with a few different small businesses, I work from home. I have my Etsy shop, I've been able to review different products and be sponsored by those companies. If you haven't visited, be sure to check the links in the description. There's my Etsy shop, Instagram, Twitter, and links to my favourite channels."

As an afterthought, she added. "Maybe I'll do more videos on this, I'm not really sure. Leave your thoughts in the comments."

It was her usual send off, but for some reason it meant so much more after a fifteen minute video explaining something so personal.

"Remember guys, there's always a reason to smile. Until next time."

The personalized LittleDipperCo. appeared on screen alongside the subscribe button and list of links before the next video in the playlist began to buffer.

She hit cancel and set the tablet aside, trying to digest the last fifteen minutes. She'd ordered from the Etsy shop, LittleDipperCo. before and had recieved a little handwritten note alongside all the little items she'd ordered.

Stickers, bookmarks, a personalized mug for her dad, the earrings she was currently wearing....because she'd ordered so much and had been so patient, Ruth had added a few small items and a personal thank you card.

She was her favorite shop, there was something unique about LittleDipperCo.-creations by RuthAnne- that had always stood out to her.

Grabbing her tablet, she went back to find the link and glanced up at her open doorway in surprise when her brother appeared.

"Did you see what he's saying about me?"

"What who is saying-"

"Hudson thinks he's being funny-"

"Get off of Twitter, Alexander."

Alex held his phone up and read the time stamp. "An hour and a half ago-"

Emily glanced back at the upload time of Ruth's video. It was only about half an hour old.

Jesse Hudson was apparently roasting her brother in that video.

She blinked a few times and hid a smirk, busying herself with reaching for a hair tie. "Don't you have some kind of conference to get ready for?"

Another alert popped up as he made a show of leaving her doorway and Emily shook her head while clicking the link.

Let's lighten the mood! PSA- BLOOPERS AND REAL TALK.

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probably-writing-x · 5 years

Text

Dressing Room Daydream (Part 8)

~A Harrison Osterfield Series~

Inspiration: Storylines don't end when the curtain falls

Warnings: Mentions of physical injury and the aftermath of domestic abuse.

Tags: @imarypayne @sunshine112 @sleepwalkingdragon @supernatural-girl97 @vibhati123 @butithasntkilledyouyet @faefictions @carisi-sonny @trap-house-homiecide @shamelessbookaddict @tommydaspidey @oneblckcoffee

Notes: Alright I did it guys! I hope you like this scene because its veryyyyy different from anything I've done before in this series - let me know what you think!

~~~

Harrison's large bedroom felt horrible without his presence beside you in the bed. You hadn't realised how big it was or how the grey tones gave it a strange chill. It was eerie in this lack of light, with only minimal sunlight spilling through the closed curtains. You tugged the duvet around you, hoping to feel some of his scent or comfort. Hoping for him.

His voice was only just audible beyond the closed door.

"You slept out here, all night?" Tom asks and you could hear his voice moving across the room to the kitchen.

"I knew (y/n) needed some space so I gave it to her. This, all of this, it's going to take a lot of time," Harrison comments and the fatigue in his voice hurts you beyond what you thought it could, "But, if she's willing to let me, I'm willing to wait,"

"You really care about her don't you?" Tom mentions and it is as though you can hear the pride in his voice.

"I think I'm in love with her, man,"

Holy shit. Did he just say that? Were you really sat in his room listening to him say that for the first time through the muffling block of the wooden door?

You hear Tom's cheer as clear as day and from the sound of Harrison's protests, the Holland brother has picked him up in celebration. The image in your head made you stifle a laugh.

"Go, go, go, go!" Tom repeats and you see that Harrison's shadow is coming closer and closer to the door.

You flop back down into the bed and shut your eyes, hoping he wouldn't know anything better than to believe you were asleep.

"Morning, darling," Harrison whispers and the bed dips as he sits beside your 'sleeping' form.

His hand reaches up and his fingertips gently graze across your cheek in the most delicate way of waking you up as humanly possible.

You flutter your eyes open and look up at him through blurry eyes. The smile on his lips warms you in this cold room.

"Already?" You sigh, stretching slightly in your immobile comfort.

"You can stay here all day if you want to, perks of having a day off," He grins, brushing a few loose hairs out of your face.

"That's okay, I'll be out in a bit. We can make some breakfast for everyone," You suggest, pushing yourself up to sit up.

"Sounds wonderful," He responds, getting up and leaving you in the seclusion of your own company.

How had a man so perfect just confessed his love for you behind closed doors?

~~~

You wrapped yourself in the warmth of one of Harrison's hoodies and made your way out into the lounge of the apartment. Harrison, Tom, Sam and Harry were all already there.

"Morning!" Harry grins as shakes the bed-style out of his hair, "What's this I hear about making breakfast?"

"Full English?" You suggest reaching up to open one of the cupboards.

Harrison laughs and comes up behind you to open it instead, knowing full well it was just too high for your hands to reach. As the hoodie covering you rose up slightly, his form was there to hide the sight of bruises that still burnt your legs. The hidden insecurity felt comforting when you knew only he had seen.

"Struggling?" He chuckles, taking the mug down from the shelf and placing it in your hands.

You hum in response and laugh as he is of a height to settle his chin on top of your head.

When both of you turn back around, the brothers are busy conversing about something that was lit up on Sam's screen.

"Have you guys seen the comments about your show?" Sam asks, sitting back down with a cup of tea in hand.

Both you and Harrison look at each other with slight confusion and Sam takes it as his sign to continue. You hadn't even thought about the press response. After the events of yesterday, their enjoyment or hatred of your show was the last thing on your mind.

"People are completely praising the two of you. They've been absolutely loving it. They said the two of you gave enough of a performance in the first part to solidify the reason you'd been chosen for the part," He explains as he reads directly from the article, "One woman claimed to have seen what happened with Alex and she's saying he should be investigated. They're all completely supporting you, (Y/N). And they're praising Harrison for doing something about it,"

Harrison looks at you and his surprised expression echoes in your own features, "Are you serious?"

"Yeah. Your manager released the statement explaining the situation and said, in his words, 'An audience member had previous personal relations with one of our cast and put her in danger. This is something we do not take lightly and, as a result, caused an incident between this man and another member of the cast." Sam continues to explain, his thumb brushing across his phone screen to continue reading the article that illuminated in his eyes.

You're shocked enough to lose all ability to respond.

"Well, you can't ask for much more than that," Tom comments, grabbing some bacon, eggs and sausages from the fridge.

"Yeah, I thought there'd at least be some negativity about it," Harrison shakes his head, "I mean... We all know what I did,"

"(Y/N)," Sam begins once again, only focused on you now, "They also said that Alex got away from our security amongst yells that it wasn't over,"

The lump in your throat grows once again and you feel your body develop that weakness that always started at the mention of his name. Your mind focuses you back to the continuous ache that your body still expressed from your scattered bruises. And for a moment, you're back in your own apartment and not in the safety of the boys' company. For a moment, it's Alex beside you instead of Harrison and it's his arm that brushes against yours. And, in that moment, you have to get away from them all.

"Okay," You manage to squeeze out, "I should probably get a shower,"

You hurry away to the bedroom and you regret it all. All of you wished that you stayed. That you focused on the positive comments about the show instead of the fact that Alex was still present. You should have focused on the boys supporting you completely and not the one man that made you feel like all hope was lost. You should have stayed with Harrison.

The bathroom tiles are cold against your exposed feet and it sends a shiver over your skin that you attempt with everything you have to focus on. Because it was a feeling - and it wasn't fear or stress or anxiety. It was completely physical.

"(Y/N)," Harrison says and you turn to see that he's closing the bathroom door behind him.

"You didn't have to come after me," You shake your head quickly, "Really, I'm fine. Honestly, I just wanted to have a shower and I need to wash my hair an-"

"There's no need to lie to me. I understand," He cuts in and you're thankful that he does, "It's okay,"

You let out a shaky breath and feel a little bit of tension subside.

Harrison steps across the room and turns the shower on, running his hand underneath the water until it felt like the perfect temperature.

He turns back to you and his hands reach down to touch the bottom of the hoodie that covered your structure. It is only when he recognises your consent that his hands lift the material up and over your head. The goosebumps return to your skin without hesitance as you know now that you're completely and utterly exposed in front of him. He moves to take off the articles of clothing that warmed his sunkissed skin and soon you're both stood in front of one another staring at nothing but each other's eyes.

He reaches his hand out and you both step under the running water; realising how much the chill on your skin was screaming for the heat.

You know he can see every single cut and bruise that littered your skin. You know the stretch marks on your chest and the back of your thighs are in his view. And you know he's looking. He sees it all. But none of it is with judgement. His eyes craved the natural beauty, they floated over your curves and didn't see any imperfection in your delicacy. He saw a woman. A woman he'd fallen in love with.

Harrison reaches behind you for the shower lily and shower gel and your eyes are directed on every inch of movement as he starts to rub the shower lily across your skin, gentle and cautious. It is only then that he speaks.

"I know he's still going to affect you. I know the mention of his name or the image of his face still gives a reaction to you that I can't stop. I know," He nods, his tone low and calm, "But what you need to know is this. You will never ever have to go through being treated like that again. You will never have to fear the touch of a man or hear the sound of one raising their voice at your mistakes. You won't have to sleep with constant disturbance of your fears or come home to a place that you don't even want to think of as a house. Because in a million different days I'll be there to hold you up. And I'll be there to watch you hold yourself up. And I'm willing to spend all of those days - good, the bad, and the ones you don't even wish were days - right beside you. I'm not saying I'm going to fix this, but I'm saying I'll be there to pass you the parts to fix it yourself,"

You let your hand find his and guide the lathering soap across your body in an experience you can only describe as the most intimate you've had.

"What I'm trying to say is that I love you," He takes a deep breath because that had been a long awaited release, "And I'm going to be here to watch you and to help you learn to love yourself,"

You swallow away the emotion that had built up to block your words, "I love you too,"

Harrison smiles, gentle and delicate, and his forehead presses against yours. Your hands both guide up to your chest and he holds it there to feel the trembling rhythm of your heart in its rapid beating.

He drops the loofah onto the side and cups both of his hands over your face, his words coming out as a deep mumble, "You're so so beautiful,"

Maybe it's the heat of the water, but it feels like your whole body breaks into a blush. It would take some time before you managed to accept such compliments.

The water pouring down on his head had caused his hair to stick flat against his forehead and you knew he'd hate the sight if he cared to look. And it is oddly welcoming. To know there were parts of him that weren't completely perfect to him, there were parts he would change if he had the power. But it was certain that you would never want to change any of them. You'd never change a god damn thing about him.

Deep inside of your core, you find the confidence to reach up and cup his own face - making the move to kiss him first. Your lips latch onto his and his strength oozes through to you straight away. It is soft and need not be passionate, it's longing and seals a promise you'd just settled in three words and eight letters.

Harrison pulls away and presses a final peck to your lips, "I'm going to go back to the boys, okay? Take as long as you need,"

You bite your bottom lip and watch as he gets out. His absence gives you time to reflect on what had just happened. Not once did he mention Alex's name, he knew you too well to risk saying that four letter horror. Not once did he look at any part of your body that wasn't necessary - his eyes only danced across your skin and always avoided parts of you that he didn't feel worthy enough, yet, to properly see. And you'd never realised how much respect it was possible to have for someone. Something you both held for him and he held for you.

When you finally climbed out of the hot environment, you wiped your hand across the mirror and let your other arm drop from where it had been holding the towel over your body. This morning, your focus didn't have to be on your bruises or their disappearance. It was on the man who had just seen it all and not flinched, not cowered away. But had been willing to stand with you. And that was more than enough.

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cicinicole-14 · 6 years

Text

a joyous thing

so its almost 4am and I wrote a thing. this is post 14x18. I actually got this idea before the episode and wrote out my plan for it and then the episode helped back it up anyway, here’s some Amelia, Alex, Jo, Owen fluff? kinda angst but definitely fluffy?

Alex doesn’t know where she went or what was happening, but Amelia runs out of the lab they’ve basically been working in for months now. He sees her through the window of the door, bolt down the hall and round a corner where he loses sight of her. He doesn’t think much of it until DeLuca comes walking in.

“Shepherd paged me, where is she?” He asks.

Alex looks up from a recent MRI scan of Kimmie’s. “She ran out, not sure why.”

“She’s been throwing up. She did it last week, right after we finished with Noah’s procedure. I ran out to find her puking in the hallway.” He pauses, taking a seat on one of the stools in the lab. “Is she okay? Her tumor isn’t back, right? She would tell us that, right?”

Alex lets his eyes wander the lab for a moment before everything clicks and he sets down the scans. “No she wouldn’t. But yeah, she’s fine.” Alex says, turning and exiting the lab.

“Wait! Where are you going? I thought we needed to work?” Andrew calls after him, but Alex is already down the hall.

Alex trails down the hall he remembered Amelia was walking down, trying to figure out where she’d go from there before realizing the attending’s lounge was to his left. He pushes open the door and finds it empty. He’s about to leave when he hears the distinct sound of someone vomiting from the bathroom on the other side of the room. He crosses quickly, knocking lightly on the door before speaking. “I’m coming in.” He warns before pushing open the door and finding Amelia hunched over the bowl, expelling the contents of her stomach with gags.

She’s able to control her breathing and straighten her posture, standing upright and facing Alex. “I’m not sick, don’t worry. I think I got food poisoning.” She says, absentmindedly.

Alex tears a sheet of paper towel from the dispenser and hands it to her, for her to wipe her face. “No you didn’t.” He says with a small smile.

“What do you mean no? I know my body, I’m not sick. Plus I wouldn’t expose my patients to that.” Amelia counters, accepting the towel and wiping her face before stepping towards the sink.

“You’re pregnant.” Alex states.

Amelia’s face pales, and she looks between her reflection in the mirror and Alex on her right. “N–No I’m not. I can’t be. Alex, I’m not. You know what––Alex––no.” She says, walking out of the bathroom, disregarding the entire conversation.

“You are.” Alex simply states, walking after her.

“Nope. And please don’t repeat anything that just happened to anyone.” She pleads as they exit the lounge and head back to the lab.

Alex doesn’t know how many more times it happened, but by the second week, he can read Amelia, know what’s coming before it even happens. So he tries to make the lab as empty as possible, keeping Koracik and DeLuca and the intern chick out as much as possible. He then passes the metal basin over to Amelia as soon as he sees her face pale out of nowhere.

“Still claim it’s food poisoning? And I would have thought by now, Mer would’ve caught you and said something, you fricken live with her.” Alex says.

“I’ve been staying in an on call room.” Amelia says in between waves of nausea.

“Still didn’t answer my other question…” Alex pushes.

“I’m not pregnant.” Amelia says through gritted teeth.

“Okay, but usually when a man and a woman have lots of unprotected sex, that tends to up their chances of conceiving a baby.” Alex says sarcastically.

“Alex I can’t be pregnant. You–you know what happened last time. You’re the only one who knows. I can’t go through that again. I can’t put Owen through that. He’s wanted this for so long, and I can’t be the one to break his heart again when I have t tell him our baby has no brain. I won’t survive that.” Amelia says softly. She’s briefly startled when Alex walks up next to her and wraps an arm around her shoulder.

“Why don’t we just find out? Let me run a blood test so we can figure out why you’re puking your guts out in the first place. Okay?” He asks and Amelia nods.

Alex walks over to a cabinet and pulls out a needle and a vial, as well as a pair of gloves from the box attached to the wall. He turns around to find Amelia rolling her sleeve up, tapping her forearm to bring up her veins. Alex secures a blue elastic around her arm, tapping it a few times before finding a prominent vein and sliding the needed under her skin, piercing the vein and attaching the vial to the needle, drawing out some blood.

Amelia takes a few deep breaths as Alex places a cotton pad over the puncture and she takes over the task of holding it while Alex secures the label ‘Jane Doe 025’ on the vial before looking up at her. “I’m going to run this down to the lab and then be back. I’m here for whatever you need, okay?” He says and waits for her. Amelia swallows and nods as Alex walks out the door with the vial in his hand. She doesn’t know whether to be scared about the fact that history repeating itself, or angry and want to laugh at the fact that the universe decided to knock her up with her ex-husband’s child.

Either way, she felt sick to her stomach again and grabbed the basin.

Alex had the lab results rushed, so he returned to their work lab fifteen minutes later with a manilla folder containing Amelia’s results in his hands. “You ready for this?” He asks.

“I mean, I cant be pregnant though, right? This could just be stress, or a really bad case of food poisoning, or I’m allergic to something I’ve been eating, or I could have pancreatitis, or gastroparesis, or cancer. I–I’m not pregnant, right?”

Alex lays the folder down on the table in front of them and looks up at her. “There’s only one way to find out.” He says before flipping the folder open. His eyes scan the results quickly, landing on her hCG levels before his eyes widen and he looks at her. “Your hCG levels are very high. You’re definitely pregnant.” He says and she immediately shakes her head.

“No, no let me check this can’t be right.” She says, and he slides the document in front of her. She looks at it as a tear slides down her cheek. Right there, across from the labelled “hCG” column is another column, stating very clearly how high her levels were. She was most definitely pregnant.

Alex wraps an arm around her shoulder and Amelia rests her head against his shoulder. “I’m here if you need me. You’re not alone this time. Let’s go find an empty room in the maternity ward and I’ll do an ultrasound for you, check how far along you are, okay?” Alex asks.

Amelia wipes the tears out from under her eyes and follows Alex out of their lab to an elevator.

It’s silent. Alex finds an empty exam room on maternity and he ushers Amelia in with him and gestures towards the bed as he pulls the ultrasound machine over, grabbing a pair of gloves and the bottle of gel. He turns on the machine and waits for it to warm up as Amelia loosens her scrub pants and lifts her top up under her breasts before laying back with one arm under her head.

Alex squirts a generous amount of gel onto the fellow surgeon’s abdomen and waves the transducer around on her lower belly. It takes him a few tries before he settles on a grainy image of a small grey blob. He takes a few measurements and then freezes the screen before turning it towards Amelia. “There’s your kid.” He says with a smile as he points to the screen. “You’re about six and a half weeks.”

“I still have to wait then. Anencephaly isn’t reliably detectable until twelve to fourteen weeks.” She lets out a shaky breath. “This, this was easier last time I had a pregnancy scare. I peed on the stick and it was negative and nothing came of it. Now–now this is actually happening and there’s a baby on the way, and I don’t know if I’m ready for this.” Amelia says, her hands are visibly shaking and her eyes are red with tears.

“You’ll be a great mother.” Alex reassures her.

“No, I meant I don’t know if I’m emotionally ready to go through this again. I know I’m not, and my chances of having another baby born without a brain are high, Alex. I’m a neurosurgeon and there is not a damn thing I can do to prevent myself from having a baby without a brain. And this time? This time I found out I was pregnant early enough, at least this way when I find out, I can just have the pregnancy terminated in peace and Owen won’t have to know, won’t have to experience that pain. He doesn’t deserve to endure that kind of pain.” She cries, a sob wracking through her body.

Alex holds a hand out for her and squeezes her hand lightly, comfortingly, when hers is placed in his own. “I’ll be right by your side. Lets just take this one step at a time. Why don’t we agree to forget about this whole situation for another six weeks and we can reconvene then? I’ll do another ultrasound and we can confirm whether or not your kid has a brain, and then proceed with the next step, alright?” He suggests and Amelia looks up, nodding.

“C–Can I get a picture?” She asks so quietly Alex almost misses it. But he doesn’t and while the image is still up on the screen, he silently prints out a picture and hands it to Amelia. She whispers a thanks before standing up off the exam table and properly adjusting her shirt after wiping her stomach down. “Would you–you won’t tell anyone, right?” Amelia asks, and Alex rolls his eyes.

“No, of course not. None of this is my business to tell. I’m just here for support and medical purposes. Doctor–patient confidentiality and all that jazz, y’know?” He says, wiping down the transducer and replacing it to its dock, powering down the ultrasound machine, and pushing it back into the corner where it belongs. “Nothing happened in this room, I’m going to check up on Kimmie and you can– I don’t know, do whatever you were doing before…” Alex says, opening the door.

The two doctors make it down the hall before Alex catches Jo flash across the hall before backtracking and walking up to them. Amelia quickly pockets the picture in her scrub pocket and hopes Jo hadn’t clearly seen what was in her hand by the time she reaches them.

“Hey,” She greets, kissing Alex on the lips. “Why are you two up here in maternity?” She asks, furrowing her brow, her hands intertwining with Alex’s as they stop in the hallway to talk. “I saw you come out of an exam room, are you working on a patient?” She asks.

“No, I mean, yeah we––” Alex stumbles over his words before Amelia sighs and pulls the two of them into the closest empty room that had been near them.

“It–It’s okay, I can tell her. But no one else.” Amelia says with a shaky breath. Jo looks at her, waiting patiently and confused at the same time until Amelia pulls the ultrasound picture out of her pocket and hands it over to Jo. The younger doctor looks up at her with a smile.

“Congratulations.” She says accompanied with a bright smile. It meets Amelia’s expression, cold, emotionless, empty, and she immediately chastises her smile and softens her expression to one of empathy. “I know you’re not married, but a baby is still a joyous thing, right?” She looks, confused, between Amelia and Alex.

Amelia looks down at the ultrasound picture that Jo handed back to her, and she traces the tiny little blob on the paper with her index finger. “Back before I came to Seattle, when I was living in LA, I had a baby. A little boy.” She says, a smile donning her face, breaking through the tears. She was always proud of her baby boy. “He–he lived for forty-three minutes.” She says, still not making eye contact with the young resident. “He was diagnosed with anencephaly when I was twenty weeks. I decided to carry him to term and I got to hold him before they took him away and he donated all of his organs to those in need.” She explains before looking up at Jo. “So, no, this baby isn’t a joyous thing. And when I find out it doesn’t have a brain, I’m going to terminate the pregnancy because I cant put Owen through what I went through. No one deserves that.” She finishes.

Jo nods, a solemn look on her face before she reaches her arms out, pulling Amelia into a hug, one the older woman was not expecting, but one she most definitely needed. Amelia wrapped her arms around Jo’s back and held on for a moment before a release and she stepped back, wiping the tears from her eyes.

“I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t say anything. You and Alex are the only ones who know the full story. I told Owen a while back about how I had a little boy, but he doesn’t know all the details and I never told my brother or Meredith. I’d like to keep it that way, for now I guess.” She says and Jo lifts a hand to Amelia’s upper arm in comfort.

“Of course, and we’re here if you need anything. Please, call me if you need to talk, or need anything. I’m serious. I don’t know what this is like for you, but if I can help in any way possible, let me know.” Jo offers reassuringly.

“Thank you.” Amelia says gratefully.

Alex nods silently as the three of them exit the room, beginning to part ways. “Why are you even up in maternity?” Alex asks, skeptically.

“Robbins needed me to get some things for Liz Brosniak, your patient’s mother. She’s the one who’s pregnant with Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome.” Jo prompted and both Alex and Amelia nodded in response. “I need to get going. Doctor Shepherd, if you need anything or want to talk, just call me, please.” Jo states again before she leaves. A smile appears on Amelia’s face as she and Alex return to their duties at work, going their own separate ways after exiting the elevator on the pediatric floor.

Alex notices that Amelia is able to conceal and compartmentalize the news she’d gotten well, and for weeks. She’d lightened up on morning sickness and by working so secludedly in the lab with him, she was off of her feet on a stool for most of the time, instead of being in hours long surgeries, putting her health at risk.

Koracik had almost caught her during a bout of morning sickness but Alex was able to cover her and distract Koracik until he hadn’t remembered Amelia half gagging as she walked out of the lab. DeLuca and the intern were another story. Both had been extremely concerned for their mentor, having known she’d thrown up multiple times. Alex had sent them on a wild goose chase after the second time they’d asked about how Amelia was feeling and if he’d known why she was throwing up. Amelia was able to reassure their doubts, telling them she was just having issues with a new dietary change, and it seemed to have quelled their worry.

She had another three days before her non–scheduled ultrasound with him when he was paged to her. She’d been in the ER and had scared an intern before Jo had caught up with her, pulling her into a private exam room, paging Alex as Amelia sat down on the bed.

The silent minutes the two women waited for Alex had felt like hours before Alex rushed in. “What do we––oh.” Alex says, seeing his ‘patient’. Amelia has tears running down her cheeks and Jo hasn’t been able to get a word out of her yet.

“An intern said one minute she was dealing with a patient, clearing them of a concussion and the next minute she seemingly just checked out and then started crying. I hurried over and got her into a room.”

“S–Something’s wrong.” Amelia chokes out between sobs.

This is why she didn’t want to be pregnant. She was already getting attached to the baby. And now its all coming to an end.

“Jo, can you grab a portable ultrasound?” Alex asks and Jo nods, slipping out of the room to grab the machine.

“Something’s wrong, Alex. This is it. I’m losing the baby and this is it. This is why I didn’t tell Owen. He’d get over-attached and then have to deal with the loss. I’m just sparing him the pain.” She says softly.

“Why are you saying that? Why exactly happened? You were fine, everything checked out great when I checked you two and a half weeks ago. You wanted check ups every few weeks and everything was fine last scan, what made you think otherwise?” Alex asks, trying to assess the situation.

“I was checking on a patient and just, I felt this ghostly touch and then it was gone. And I know that that is insane. My mind is playing tricks on me or something, but I panicked and I know we’re doing the official brain scan ultrasound in a few days, but I panicked. I don’t know what’s wrong. This feeling I keep getting of just barely there it feels like the baby is leaving my body.” She says and is startled when Jo walks back in with the portable ultrasound machine in her hands.

She opens it up and turns it on while Alex grabs the transducer and Amelia lifts up her shirt, exposing the tiniest baby bump protruding from her abdomen. Alex maneuvers the wand around settling in one place as he laughs. Both Amelia and Jo look at him quizzically.

“Your kid definitely has a brain.” Alex says. “you were feeling––“ Alex pauses for a moment looking back at the screen and readjusting the transducer to another angle, “––her move around. Congrats She, it’s a girl. And she’s really got a a brain.” Alex says, wiping down the wand.

Jo gives Amelia a hand, helping her sit up before smiling brightly at her. “You’re thirteen weeks and two days, in your second trimester and you’re having a girl, a healthy little girl with a brain. Now this baby is a joyous thing.” She says, watching the smile slowly appear on Amelia’s face.

“She really has a brain?” Amelia asks and Alex turns the frozen screen towards her, letting her see for herself.

“Her skull is fully formed and her head is growing in the correct way and at the right size for her gestation. Her heart rate is great. You can be happy. And you can tell Hunt.” Alex urged.

“Can you leave that screen up? I cant get a print from a portable, but I just want to look at her for a moment.” Alex nods. “She was really kicking? That’s what that is?”

Alex nods again. “I know it can freak you out, especially since with your first pregnancy you didn’t experience that, but the fluttery feeling is your baby moving around and soon enough she’s going to be kicking much harder and more often. It’s a good thing, that feeling.” He reassures.

Amelia inhales deeply before looking up. “Thank you both for being here by my side through this and not letting me face this alone. I don’t know what I would’ve done without your support.” She says, thankfully.

“We will continue to be there too. And we cant wait to meet your daughter. Amelia, you’re going to be a wonderful mom to her.” Jo says, holding her hand.

“Thank you. Would you mind telling Owen I’m in here when you leave? I need a moment by myself before I tell him. But can you send him in here, please?” She asks and both Jo and Alex nod as they walk out.

Amelia sits on the gurney, still staring at the screen of the ultrasound, tracing a finger over the blob, one that had almost doubled in size since her first ultrasound picture, the only one she had printed that sat in her purse, hidden in a zipper compartment, concealed from the world. Her tiny secret she was ready to share with the world.

The soft knock on the door startles her and she mumbles a response, letting Owen know it was okay to come in.

His eyes meet hers and he furrows his brow. “Karev said you needed to see me? Are you okay?” He asks.

She shifts the ultrasound machine, making it face him and watches as the image settles into his mind and his eyes light up. She can see the light return to his eyes, light he’d lost when she took off her ring and they’d ended their marriage. Light was a slowly returning.

“I take it you know what that is?” She laughs light–heartedly.

“You’re pregnant? With my baby?” He asks.

“I know we’re not sure what we are or what not, and this is such a messy time to have a baby, but that is your daughter. I’m thirteen weeks.” She says, finally able to smile genuinely, happy about this baby. Happy about this pregnancy.

“A girl?” Owen smiles even wider. Amelia nods as he takes a step closer and engulfs her in a hug. “How are you with all this? You said–your baby lived for forty–three minutes. When Kepner’s baby died, you told me. How are you with this? What can I do?” He asks and Amelia can feel the tears well up in her eyes and she fights them back.

“Just be there when I need you to be, and give me space when I need space. But we’ll be okay, the three of us. We’ll be okay.” She says, placing her hands in his own, tangling their fingers together. He brings their hands to his lips and presses a kiss to her fingers.

“I promise I will.” He says.

#omelia #cici writes #amelia shepherd #alex karev #owen hunt #jo wilson #Alex x amelia brotp for life

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