#also sometimes they get super super firm which is really weird i dont think i have a lot of fat redistribution there

[transgothzoey]

At any given time there's like a 90% chance I'm rubbing my boobs tbh

#its not my fault #not even like a sex thing more like in a stress ball way #still getting used to having them ngl #also sometimes they get super super firm which is really weird i dont think i have a lot of fat redistribution there #cause sometimes they just feel like b cup pecs #like rn theres like a half inch of squish then theyre hard #hopefully that means they wont shrink when i lose weight #sex ed in america is a joke #or i was a bad student #or both lmao

[shoezuki]

okay but about that thing on people just switching their sides up. I actually have a whole critical thing of the fandom that I'll never write post in my head that like.... I think comes up with an explanation on it. but I wouldn't be posted cuz it would be super critical of Twitter as a whole and i don't wanna die lol.

but also I was talking about this in zablrs rant-chat a few hours ago, and like. I think part of it is that people are very much emotion first. and with Twitter, tumblr, and twitch chat being the way they are with live tweeting/blogging/chatting what have you, you get all these emotional reactions first. which. fair. thats how people react, ya know? in a sense, that's what you're supposed to do/how you're supposed to feel.

the real problem, imo, is the people who get their ideas/views second hand from these platforms. like, esp with Twitter since the way trending works it really, really can push out bias and misinformation really fast. so the non-viewer is seeing this influx in "oh this character bad now" or "this character redeemed now!" and instead of looking for it themselves they fall into the mob mentality and go with it.

that means later, when the stream is done, people who reacted emotionally at first and now have time/distance enough to think logically don't. because now they're the ones falling into the mob mentality. I mean, even people who haven't watched the current stream agree, so maybe it has more basis than just the one stream!

so people then get the idea that those emotional responses are logical and so when someone comes in with a different perspective, they think "now hold on a second" and they argue against it. because, logically, they're in the right, so obviously you're wrong!

(don't even get me started on that. there is no concrete right and wrong, only what is, what isn't, and what should be and should not be done. but thats a whole other post)

and then people, because theyre arguing instead of having proper discourse, the literary definition which is literally just another word for discussion NOT argument, people are getting emotional again. and it's been proven time and time and time again that when you're responding based on emotion you're less likely to respond well to someone who's trying to tell you something else because it feels like you're invalidating their feelings.

(and boy, oh boy, don't get me started on how much this has created a divide between NT and ND viewers of the smp. because it feels, to me, that when a NT is feeling emotional and a ND is trying to speak to them with logic, they're being told they're heartless or something which is just hhhhh)

so we never get anywhere in the fandom. we're stuck in the same emotion-mob mentality-logic-mob mentality cycle and it's honestly just exhausting at this point.

tiny you’ve hit it right on the head. like. youre so fucking right here.

i talked a how twitter is Built in a way that sucks before Kinda like this n it REALLY plays a part in like. mcyt fans over there n information n ppls reactions to things. like. it REALLY shows in there n usually when im arguing that ppl are so Quick to React to things its over There moreso than here like. ofc Everywhere but anyways like, 

emotions are FIRST. its what ppl immediately feel in response to stimulus. like its a Whole Thing. how ppl can get angry and lash out then later will be like thinking it over and digest it better. and a LOT of dsmp stuff esp w tommy’s character appeals to emotions. like when we see ppl liveblogging its never dissecting or commentary on the flow and function of plot. its Always gut reactions

n like you said on social media it lasts SO LONG. the trending page on twitter is always fueled by in the moment thoughts and responses. things like ‘HE DIED’ and ‘SAM NOOK’ will get trending because ppl r livebloggin n freakin out about it. but it just drags all of it out too and creates like a domino affect.

idk how to say it without sounding like a dick either tbh but a lot of people will cling onto emotions and gut instant reactions, and will React and Speak according to that without thinking logically on analyzing things. so they’ll jump on ‘sam is a horrible person’ which sets off Other people and gets Others emotional and it spreads from that. mob mentality at its finest is how ppl will act in a Group and have the Same actions/thoughts largely because of emotional responses and Yeah It Do Be Here. 

n ppl jus will cling onto it so hard???? even when what others say is more rational and has logical backing its like. will just Stand Firm and can react badly and interpret criticism/analysis as Hatred and its WEIRD. 

like you mention the NT and ND aspect. and youre right like. not to lean on myself so heavy but i dont liveblog much or react In the Moment because im. like. not emotional. a part of my autism is i sometimes just Dont feel things or its not so Strong or i dont Get others emotional responses. easiest for me to feel is anger skjgfskg. 

n especially w philza n techno how ppl r so Reactive n Emotional about them in terms a them being ‘bad’ like. a lot a ppl i see defendin em and makin Hot Takes (comrades) r ND. 

#but absolutely i feel ppl r Very emotional n it doesnt feel right to say 'too much' but #yeah.yeah.hyeah #hard boiled takes #tiny #tinydemondragon

[thrillridesz]

Self love tag! ( do not reblog )

upload your favourite photo of yourself and/or your most recent

( 1st pic is my recent + YES I TOOK THIS SELFIE LYING DOWN ON MY BED DONT JUDGE ME and not @ how I look like an egg 🥚 )

favourite body part?

— i like that i can be very upfront and firm about my opinions and feelings when it matters. usually i would be too scared to speak up for myself or i’ll just let things slide but when it really matters, i go for it and i go all out.

favourite body part?

—eyes? 

favourite aesthetic/style on yourself?

— i’m all about comfort > style. i like styles that are simple, cool and casual. i hate wearing skirts or anything that really restricts my movement. i wear a lot of sneakers and trainers and i never wear heels HAHA i wear a lot of black and denim too? everywhere i go, i bring my black backpack along, i’m not a purse sorta person.  I also never wear makeup because it’s just uncomfortable and too much effort for me haha 

what you’re most proud of?

—i’m proud that i’ve started to learn to care less about what people think of me haha 

a trait people tell you they like about you:

—my honesty lmao i can be brutally honest and it gets to a point where my friends tell me that my frankness can be really funny, especially when i’m throwing shade. 

a (personality or physical) trait you use to be ashamed of, but now love/are proud of

— my legs. 

favourite color on you?

—black. i think i look cool in black lol ><

favourite clothing on you?

— i really like hoodies, leather jackets and jeans. i quite like flannels too!

an aesthetic you wanna try but are too scared

—  i’m not super flexible when it comes to fashion but i’d love to try grunge ( it looks super bold to me and a little too bold but i’m intrigued ) and something soft with pastels which is the opposite of my style. i don’t have any traces of pink and pastels in my closet rn like none at all so it’d be interesting to see myself in that style. 

thing you like getting compliments on the most

—intelligence, honesty and that i’m a good friend ^^ 

lastly, do you love yourself (If not, you should!)?

— idk most times i hate myself, sometimes i like myself. other days i want to yeet myself off a bridge and then i want to treat myself to something. it’s weird but generally i’d say not really. i don’t. 

tagged by: @mjlkau + @sunhyuck ( thank you lovelies ^^ )

tagging: @chaoticdeobi @atbzkingdom @sungiescorner @angelkevin @yangyanghater @moondustaeil @127-mile @fullsunsays @deobi-pabo @amajeekies @jacobsimp @chocolattees @jonghos-left-airpod @the-romantiques @experimentalwrites

(deleting in a few hours)

#tag games #lovely moots #mjlkau #anie✨

[midnightmoonkiss]

I was told by your wonderful wife, birds-have-teeth that you were in need for some asks/requests. How about Izuku and S/O on their wedding day?

She truly is a wonderful wife 🥺💜

Ahh! I dont usually take requests, but this was just too cute to pass up!

I hope you don’t mind that these are headcanons!

Izuku Midoriya X Reader

Wedding Day.

Category: fluff

——————————

First of all! I think their wedding would be set sometime in spring. The time of year where it’s not too hot and not too cool, just after all the leaves and flowers bloom. I mean think about it, Sakura petals flowing in the wind on your wedding day? What a dream.

It sounds crazy, but I always imagined Izuku as the type of person to want to have their wedding outside.. Kind of like- in a garden? Or a forest? You know that the wedding Bella and Edward had in the forest? Kind of like that! Except surrounded by flowers!

Flowers like.. Magnolia, forget-me-nots, tulips, and of course - sakura! Or, well, Cherry blossoms~ Just! Flowers that really brighten up the secluded space. You’d need seclusion, after all, especially since you are marrying the number one hero.

Wouldnt it be so cute to be married under a willow tree, a brilliant white arch covered in white roses and vines standing above you both? Ackk vines.. So beautiful. Oh! Maybe there’s even a little rock pathway down the aisle?

The air is fresh.. Because you’re in the countryside! Maybe even in the mountains. Somewhere where a little babbling brook is not too far behind the trees, its soft bubbling noises relaxing the party-goers. 

Speaking of! Wouldnt a little plant themed engagement ring be the cutest? Something like this! 

Wedding ring.. Well you both have to pick that out dont you?

The wedding day is obviously going to be the most important day for both of you! But also, nerve-wracking as hell. Im positive Izuku has probably freaked out five times since he woke up at 6AM. Maybe a mental breakdown. Yknow. 

He’s a sensitive guy! And he’s terrified! Nono, he doesnt have cold feet. He wants to marry you! He cannot imagine his life without you in it, but God is he absolutely terrified that you might be the one leaving him at the altar.

Not that he doesnt have faith in you! It’s just.. His insecurities and anxieties taking over him. Even after all these years of unconditional love, he still cant help but feel you deserve someone way better than him. And he fears one day you’ll wake up and realize that as well.

But you’d have to be absolutely crazy to even think about doing that, huh?

So yeah. Wedding day morning is filled with Izuku’s best man - Shoto - trying to calm the sporadic man down, bringing Toshi and his mom in to aid as well. He may have thrown up. Who’s to say.

You, on the otherhand, are having a great morning. You’re bouncing with excitement! Ready and oh-so impatiently waiting to marry the man of your dreams in the most scenic area you could find. It truly was a catch! A relatively cheap place - the majority of your funds were spent on food and flowers. You can get pretty good deals on wedding dresses if you’re marrying the number one hero, apparently. So long as they get to display one of your wedding photos.

Hell, it’d help a local business boom, and who wouldnt want that? You got a discount on your bridesmaids dresses as well~

A dream.

But the start time was quickly approaching. Tick-tock!

Soon enough, the both of you are ready to start a new chapter of your lives together.

The scene is set! Your husband-to-be stand beneath arch drenched in morning dew, light breaking through the trees reflecting on each little droplet and showering the little patch where your wedding was being held in brilliant lights 

It honestly looked magical, straight out of a fairy tale. Hell, you were about to marry your prince, after all

God this wedding is like every outdoorsy kid’s dream

The piano starts up once the player gets the queue that everyone is ready.

Your friends walk down the aisle first in pairs, bridesmaids with bridesmen, silky gowns flowing in the gentle spring breeze

Soon enough the flower girl trots happily down the aisle, throwing Sakura petals every which way with a happy little smile on her face, dress as white as snow and a little pink belt. 

It was truly a miracle no one tripped on the rocks yet.

Once everyone was in their place, a traditional wedding song began to play. 

Showtime.

Izuku swore he saw an angel the moment those vines swayed to reveal you.

A sunbeam hit you from behind, its golden glow cascading down your body.

Tears formed in his eyes as he watched, paralyzed, as you walked down, heels clicking against the floor

The biggest, goofiest smile cracked onto his face, eyes connecting with yours. All was going to be alright. He had nothing to fear.

He’d probably openly sob while stating his vows, hands trembling as they hold onto yours.. It’d probably be something along the lines of.. “Ever since the day I met you, i’ve become a better man. You helped me grow into who I am today. You guided me towards the path that would lead me to happiness with your loving embrace, with every word of endearment you’d whisper to me, and with love as a whole. I always wondered what it’d feel like to be loved like this, and now that I have it, and that I have you, I don’t ever want to let go of it. Because you’re it, princess. You’re the love of my life, my one and only, my soulmate, and so much more. Every day we’re apart I always think of you. You keep me going. Without you, I wouldn’t be me.”

Something cheesy, yknow! Somethin sweeter than candy corn. <3 what a sap. 

He may have had to wipe his tears a few times… cough.

Surprisingly though, his hands are super steady when he slides that ring on.

A shaky yet firm “I do,” green eyes now a shimmering viridescent as he stares at you with the purest form of love swirling in his gaze.

“You may now kiss the bride.”

His hand reaches up, delicately placing itself on your cheek. He cant help but take this moment in, condemning your smiling, angelic face to memory, the flashes of photos being taken completely ignored as he slowly leans in. 

His lips are softer than they had ever been in that moment, the kiss itself so sugary sweet - the embodiment of innocence and passion. Love.

Eyes fluttering closed, he cant help but kiss you over and over again, each one making both your smiles grow larger until giggles erupt between the two of you.

Oh boy. He had lipstick smudged all over his lips. He couldnt care less, though. Pulling you close to his body, he smiled cheekily over at the photographer for a photo.

HE’S YOUR HUSBAND NOW! IZUKU IS YOUR HUSBAND! Praise the lords. (Y/N) Midoriya has a nice ring to it, doesnt it?

Inko welcomes you to the Mrs. Midoriya family with a hug.

The rest of the day was filled with you and Izuku being stuck together like glue, surrounded by friends and family.

The wedding photos would be filled with you two standing in a meadow, sun raining brilliantly down on the two newlyweds.

ackk just.. sakura petals flying in the wind~ how pretty. Maybe one even lands in your hair and he gets to pluck it out. <3

He’s the happiest he’s ever been.

Hell, he’s sure this is what being high felt like. 

He cant stop smiling! He’s just so so cute.

Of course, a few goofy photos have to take place! Maybe Uravity uses her quirk to make it look like the number one hero is floating away whilst you ‘run’ to try and get him.

There was even one where he and his bridesmen wear parts of their hero costumes to show off a bit. Like Deku wears his hood, Shoto wears his.. Bracelets and backback..? Stuff like that! Truly it’s a weird fuckin photo. But so so dorky and so them.

His favorite photo is definitely the one where he has you sitting on his arm as he flexes. Yep. He turned into a bit of a show off. Could you blame him? Haha.

At night is when the real fun begins. Mainly because of the party! Lanterns are set up everywhere, and due to being so far from the city- the stars are shining in the sky! Much more than youre used to.

Izuku took a dance course, unbeknownst to you (Shoto and Bakugou were forced to join him- talk about chaotic!), so that first dance together is honestly breathtaking. He’s so gentle with you, leading the way and twirling you around.

May or may not have bawled when you danced with Toshinori. 

CUTTING THE C AKE. OKAY OKAY.

It’d probably be forest themed. Green and white blending beautifully together, maybe even a little frosting stream cascading down the side. Hand made models of you and Izuku stood proudly at the top. I guess the flavor would be something you both chose together?

He loves touching your soft hands so holding that knife together is awesome for him.

Oh yea. After the perfect photo is taken, he definitely smears frosting on your cheek - just so he has an excuse to lick it off.

Sticky!

You both leave in a black limo, a “Just Married!” sign placed on the back.

Ahh. honeymoon time.

It’s going to be a long night,

Mainly because..

Well. Traveling- and.. Y’know (;

All in all! It starts off as stressful, and ends in the sweetest way possible.

#my hero academia #izuku midoriya x reader #deku x reader #mha x reader #deku #izuku midoriya #izuku x reader #boku no hero academia x reader #boku no hero academia #bnha x reader #izuku midoriya x you #midoriya x reader #izuku x you #deku x you #mha

[emotionalsuppork]

hi i feel really weird about requesting this and idek if it sounds so strange you’ll be like wtf but i’d like to at least feel like somebody loves me even if i feel like no one does :’) umm ig this is an emergency request? tho i mean like i’ve dealt w these feelings w/o requesting stuff so it’s okay if you’re busy! anyways um i feel like my hormones are higher bc my period is taking it’s sweet time 😅 anyways i kinda got yelled at by my dad for smth small but i’ve been doing it often but it’s so small like he really didn’t have to get so upset ANYWAYS wow i’m ranting basically i hide in my closet when i get super overwhelmed and i’ve got a lil bedsheet on there and pillows and a candle so it’s nice and comfy :’) the candle isn’t lit btw, the space is small so the scent goes around well anyways yaku, taketora, noya and sugawara are my comfort characters so maybe smth w one of them? you obvs don’t have to do all, i just thought having choices would help?? i just feel ✨unlovable✨ and everything is hopeless even more so w the pandemic and shit ykw i mean WOW n e ways so sorry this is so long JFKSKSK legit don’t even bother answering if it’s too weird i’m just gonna pretend i didn’t write this i really don’t wanna overwhelm anyone else w what i feel i should get a therapist aye but they’re expensive and i’m broke KFKSKSK okay i’m sorry if i overwhelmed you as well bc you don’t deserve that okay bye 👁👅👁✌🏽

HI OMG IM SORRY I DIDN’T SEE THIS SOONER!! also i do that too! i made myself a blanket nest lol. and no darling you’re not overwhelming me at all! also i literally was JUST complaining about nobody loving me so this request is just like.....fate. i hope this makes you feel a little better and loved! (even if it is late which i am very sorry about, i didn’t realize it was there :( )

-------------------------------

im gonna do some headcanons for all ur boys instead of a longer thing for like 1 or 2 

-------------------------------

Yaku! 

would be the best to vent to 

would 100% get angry on your behalf

also he’d be very reassuring that you’re valid and your feelings are valid and it’s okay to feel like this

he’d definitely take care of you in any/every way he could

he’d also gently scold you if you get too hard on yourself

would be stern about reeling in bad thoughts

gives good advice but also gets that sometimes advice isn’t really all that helpful so he’ll ask what you need beforehand 

would keep checking in about that specific thing

like he always checking in, but now its checking in to see how youre feeling about that

really nice about it but also like laser focused 

you’re going to feel better if its the last thing he does

Taketora!

would try and squeeze into the closet with you 

don’t even try and fight it you are getting his love and you’re getting it now

he’d listen but i think he’d also be bad at advice so he’d just try and make you laugh instead

10/10 best distraction

also wouldn’t allow you to feel hopeless in his presence

like he will constantly be hyping you up 

and if you’re still not convinced on how amazing you are?  well youre about to be

because suddenly you’re getting calls and texts from his team about how cool you are 

and to make it even better you better belive you’ll be getting calls and texts and freaking f a c e t i m e s  from Tanaka and Noya at Karasuno

you literally haven’t even met these boys!?

tora would just look so smug 

Noya!

speaking of noya

he’d be so shocked and bummed out

like what? you dont feel good about yourself? you’re having problems at home? YOU THINK I DON’T LOVE YOU?!?!?!

would be hilariously trying to simultaneously reassure/comfort you and like..beat himself up for not treating you even more like a queen

he is 1000% going to get you out of that closet and take you on the best damn date of your life 

hes clueless though so you’re going to have to be a little blunt about how your feeling to make him understand

would also probably suggest you hanging out more with him and his friends

like his friends all like you so if you’re feeling down about yourself come hang with us and we’ll gas you up!

which is a sweet thought but this boy is literally a puppy so no surprises there

Sugawara!

i think out of all of them, suga would handle everything with the most grace

like he’d totally have some sort of self care routine that he’d walk you through

and then i feel like he’s the type to be like “let’s have a therapy date” where he takes you to lunch or coffee and you guys just vent/rant/cry/work through emotions with each other 

i also think he’s the type to be like “that’s currently a hostile environment so why don’t you come to mine and we can cuddle!”

super sweet and understanding but also will be firm about stuff

like he gets that you feel this way and you’re feelings are vaild, but try and think about it like this instead before you spiral

also he like....wouldn’t let it go

like if a day or two passes and even if you’re feeling better, he’s still gonna check in 

hey you good? you sure? i got you a cookie?

like so so sweet and thoughtful and he’s so caring too 

an angel

#once again so sorry its late #haikyuu #hq requests #sugawara koushi #yamamoto taketora #nishinoya yuu #yaku morisuke #request!

[all-hail-the-witcher]

every book i had to read for english and why i didn't like any of them

i woke up thinking about this and decided to make this post. for context, i went to public school and was on the honors/ap track for english. i am a firm believer that english teachers ruin books for their students inadvertently. this is my experience:

6th grade language arts

we read three books during 6th grade, bridge to terabithia, the cay, and where the red fern grows. and i had to read a wrinkle in time over the summer which i didn't understand like at all so I'm just gonna skip that one honors english was not a thing until 8th grade where i went to middle school so this was a regular english class and i hated it. it was also a double period class for some reason, so i had an hour and a half of language arts every day. 

it took us half the year to read bridge to terabithia. i am not kidding. that book is like maybe 100 pages and it took us a good 4-5 months. this is because our teacher stopped us every time we got to a pice of figurative language and made us analyze it. every. single. piece. i got so bored that i read ahead and then got in trouble for reading ahead. needless to say, i absolutely detested bridge to terabithia and would not touch it to this day if my life depended on it. 

after bridge to terabithia we read the cay. this took us the rest of the year. the cay is a relatively short book as well so i got bored with this one quickly as well. i really dont remember much about the discussions, but i remember a long one about how the cover was “inaccurate,” which, yes, it was but i dont know if a bunch of 11 and 12 year olds need to spend a week debating that. i think i hated it mostly because, again, we read it for 5 months. 

the last three weeks of the school year, our teacher gave us a book and said “here read this before school ends because we have to read three books a year and we only read 2″ (for context, the other language arts class had read about 5-7 books that year and found it insane that we were “still reading bridge to terabithia”) so i read where the red fern grows. all in all it wasn't a bad book, i did kind of enjoy it, but since i was rushed reading it on top of all my other homework and because it was definitely ahead of my reading comprehension level, it wasn't my favorite.

7th grade language arts

now, a bit of a disclaimer here, this was the year that i was in language arts with the guy i had a crush on and one of my close friends at the time. so, i didn't really pay that much attention to begin with. we read quite a few books in this class, but I'm not sure if i remember all of them. again, this was a double period. 

i think the first book we read was freak the mighty. i remember not liking this book because i felt like i was missing something. there was definitely some kind of metaphor or something in there that i was supposed to get but because i was literally twelve i didn't get it and i didn't find the meaning in it. theres nothing more frustrating than reading a book that you dont understand.

after that I'm pretty sure we read the wave. it was explained to us that the wave is supposed to symbolize how the n*zis came to power and all that stuff, and while we all knew this, i dont think we really Understood it. (probably because we were 12). we all kinda saw it as a joke and thought it was funny. i think that if i read it now i would be like. “well shit this is really interesting” but 12 year old me wanted to make fun of it with the rest of my class. 

i think we read seed folks next. this was another book that just went over all of our heads. its about how a garden changes a whole bunch of peoples lives which is like, super interesting. but none of us got it and were like “lol this is stupid” so much so that we actually stopped reading it. like my teacher stopped having us read it.

I'm fairly certain the last book we read was the miracle worker. a lot of us had had to read parts of it before that class so we were all kinda familiar with it already. i vaguely remember some kind of obnoxious class joke about the book that was probably rude. i remember finding it interesting, but there were so many activities we did about the book that i lost interest. 

8th grade honors reading

this class was A Trip. i liked the teacher, but she was a little out there. its unclear whether she got fired or just didn't come back after that year. i had a lot of fun in her class but it was usually because we all bonded over hating the assigned reading.

i dont remember what order we read the books in and i dont remember if this was all of them, but to the best of my recollection this is what we read

we definitely read romeo and juliet. by the time you're in 8th grade, everyone knows the story of romeo and juliet, so it wasn't like that suspenseful or a surprise or anything. but we had to act the reading out. yes we had to act out romeo and juliet. with burger king crowns. and wrapping paper swords. clearly the teacher was trying to have fun with us, and it was fun fun for awhile but it got old. especially when you got participation points taken off your grade if you didn't read for once of the characters (which is massively unfair because not everyone wants to get up in front of a class in a paper crown holding a wrapping paper tube and read in old english when you're 13 but whatever). 

we also definitely read animal farm. it was another book that went right over our heads (or, mine at least). i didn't actually really understand it until i had to read the communist manifesto for ap euro senior year. and our teacher talked in a bad russain accent the entire time? i could barely keep the characters straight, let alone analyze the underlying message and all that. now i might actually like it since I'm a history major and have a decent background on the russian revolution, but at 13? no thanks.

the one book that everyone hated (including the teacher herself) was farewell to manzanar. it was a memoir about a young girl growing up in the japanese internment camps and looking back on her life and stuff like that. the story itself was very interesting and we all learned a lot from it. but the person who wrote it did not know how to write. it was confusing, some chapters made no sense, and none of us generally knew what was going on. we had to finish the book because we were the honors class, but the regular class got to stop after chapter 6. 

i think we only read 4 books that year and the fourth one was the outsiders. this was one of two books that i actually liked the entirely of my public school education. i kinda vibed with it when we were reading it and then i vibes with it more once i got to high school and rediscovered it. it was just a good book, pretty solid, good themes, fantastic. 

9th grade honors english

i absolutely hated this class. hands down the worst teacher i ever had. she was one of those that should have retired 20 years ago but was still teaching for some reason. and she hated kids. legitimately. that was the first time i got a c and it took my parents a long time to realize that it wasn't because of me, it was because the teacher was absolute shit. the only thing that made that class bearable was the fact that my friend was in there and so was this guy that totally like her so he would flirt with her pretty incessantly and it was Hilarious. 

we read so many books that year and i hated all of them. a lot of them were like greek dramas and plays? like we read oedipus rex and julius caesar and antigone. and i hated all of them because the teacher made me hate reading and made it seem like a chore. 

by far the worst was the old man and the sea. i hated that book, hemingway was terrible. i struggled to find any kind of meaning in it and connected all of my responses to the bible because my teacher loved it when people did that.

we read inherit the wind and to kill a mockingbird and all quiet on the western front which were the only books i found remotely interesting. but i still hated them because i knew that we would have to do her reading quizzes which were impossible so it was pointless to read the book anyway. 

and we also read a raisin in the sun. i dont remember what this was even about except that there was some kind of insurance money involved. but by this point we were all really done with our teachers shit and my one friend legitimately said during class “but, ms. [name] if you put a raisin in the sun, doesn't it just get more raisiny?”

10th grade ap english language and composition (american lit)

i loved this class and the teacher but i hated all the assigned reading because we read it for the ap test. everything you read was in the context of having to find themes and shit to write about on the ap. so i didn't really get any of the books for that reason. i think we only read three and they were the scarlet letter, the crucible, and the great gatsby. i kind wish i paid more attention to gatsby and i think i would like it more now but at the time i detested it. we also had to read grapes of wrath over the summer and i hated that. i wanna read books to read them, not to come into school and write essays on them. also the ending was weird and i hated it.

11th grade honors (british lit)

another bad year of english, not quite as bad as freshman year, but still bad. still hated it. i outlined many fics in that class. the teacher did not like me and i did not like her. she also talked in this weird fake almost british but not quite accent that sometimes still haunts my nightmares. she was also one of those backwards feminists who claims they're a feminist but still was sexist in her favorites and the way that she treated people in the class?? after english i had math and my friend (the same girl who said the thing about raisins freshman year) and some others would complain to our math teacher about our english teacher. math was essentially a support group for english where we would discuss answers to reading checks. 

over the summer we read 1984, which, cool concept (esp right now) but i hated knowing that i had to find some kind of deep meaning in it because i was going to have to write an essay on it as soon as i came back to school.

from there i think we read beowulf which was interesting. i dont know if we actually read the whole thing or just excerpts but again, i hated looking for meaning.

we read a tale of two cities which was like the one book i actually wanted to read because i am a huge fan of the shadow hunters book serieses and will and tessa quote that book all the time. i think if i had read it to read it it would have been better but first, dickens is wordy and weird and second i dont really wanna have to search out symbolism while I'm reading because its required.

we read macbeth, which i just didn't like. idk why. i just kinda thought it was stupid. i dont really have an explanation for this one. i think it was because we read it in the old english and that confused me a lot of the time.

and we read jane eyre. the only thing i remember from jane eyre was “pathetic fallacy” which is where the mood of the scene is reflected in the weather. i dont wanna dissect a book like that. and also my teacher referred to the book as “jane” but she said it “jAAYYneeE” which was annoying. 

12th grade ap lit

dear god. this class. i had issues with this class. our teacher was something. everyone was afraid of him. e v e r y o n e. he ran detention and didn't know how to match his clothes and wore skinny ties. he had three swell bottles the he would bring with him to school every day. people claimed he used to be in a rock band and that was why his voice was so high pitched and weird. some said his wife left him, others said he had a kid. we were genuinely confused by him. he didn't teach, he yelled at you for doing things wrong without giving any instructions on how he actually wanted it done. he made college out to be some big scary thing where we would all be trampled. but mostly, he was an existentialist. 

we had to read song of solomon over the summer. i hated it. i didn't hate it because of the messages and all that stuff, no the book itself was good and toni morrison is a great author. i just hated the fact that there was graphic description of incest, necrophilia, or sex at least once every 5-10 pages. i didn't wanna read that. and it turned me off the book. so when he asked us if we liked the book when the year started i said no and i argued with him about it. and he hated me for the entire year. 

next i think we read waiting for godot. which was absolutely terrible. its literally a play where nothing happens. it would have been funny except that i knew i was gonna have to write an essay on it. how do you write an essay on a play where nothing happens? literally all of our discussions about it were about existentialism and it was terrible. 

we read the metamorphosis, which everyone hated cause it could have been written in like 4 sentences. and our teacher thought he was So Clever for assigning it to us. he thought it was the biggest joke. and he went on and on about how its about existentialism and blah blah. the book would have been funny had he not only discussed it in regards to existentialism. 

i think next was hamlet. i would have like hamlet had we not discussed it only through the lens of existentialism. its a good play, but i hated it because of the way he talked about it. even now, i only like it to make fun of the way he liked it. my friend and i send hamlet memes to each other all the time but only cause they remind us of our teacher.

one flew over the cuckoos nest. the second and final book that i actually liked my entirety of school. i dont know why i liked it, but it was just a good book. our teacher also had some kind of weird cowboy trope thing that he thought mcmurphy fell under which i thought was hilarious. the essay i wrote on that book was the only one he wrote “nice job” on and i still have it somewhere

my friend claims that we also read the stranger. i dont really remember what that book was about except some guy shot some people. there was definitely something in it that i didnt get. 

anyway in conclusion required reading ruins books. when i told my creative writing advisor that i out of all the books i read for school i only like the outsiders and one flew over the cuckoos nest she was like “yeah, english teachers really ruin books for students”

#this is a very long post #saph screams #english #books n shit #english teachers are so hit or miss #and even if they're good teachers #that doesn't mean that you'll like the books

[swiggity-swexual-i-am-asexual]

I'm beginning to think I might have celiac. Do you have any tips?

Well, first of all, go to your doctor with your concerns. Yes, even if it’s the USA, because celiac is a... kinda complex illness at times?? And will need a doctor’s verification, which you can only get while still on a gluten diet. You’ll get a blood test (and there’s also a panel thing you can do, because false negatives are a thing, but the names of all of them get me confused, so I suggest googling them for the names in case the doctor doesn’t know), and if it’s a positive test, they’ll want you to get an endoscopy (a super simple procedure where they put a tube with a camera down your throat to check your upper intenstine—it literally took me maybe a couple hours from check in to check out).

But like, most importantly??

Don’t freak out. If it’s celiacs, it’s gonna be fine. If it’s not, it’s still gonna be fine.

It may seem that you’re by yourself until you find more people with celiac, but there’s so many of us!! So even if you don’t interact much with the community, maybe follow the tags (if only to see everyone groaning and moaning about labeling... I am one of those people, haha).

But as for quick tips and tricks for the (potential) celiac

-first of all, until diagnosed, you have to stay on a gluten diet. So, I mean. Not to sound like a doomsday preper but if any time is the time to just eat every damn thing you’ve ever loved that has gluten in it, now is the time to eat it. (I personally gained like 5 pounds in two months I waited for the diagnosis tests to be done, I regret nothing. And if weight is a concern... well, first of all that’s about to get weird because celiac is weird, but I also _lost_ that weight quickly after.)

-Always know what gluten is. And don’t be afraid of that word. Just because everyone else doesn’t have to be concerned about a certain protein in wheat, barley, and rye (also watch out for oats, they are not your friend), doesn’t mean they get to be mean about it. This is literally your health—if there’s anytime you can snipe at someone, it’s regarding that.

-start looking at the things you already eat to see if they have gluten free (gf) labels. Gushers, for example-gluten free!!

-start saving for new cookwear. Yes, you’ll probably need new ones. Do NOT cross contaminate them, aka, use your new gf cooking supplies to make something with gluten. ESPECIALLY IF ITS WOODEN.

-people will forget, constantly. Be firm but polite until it’s ridiculous and it’s obvious they aren’t making an effort to learn. Then you may destroy them.

-also get a gf cook book.

-and check all the stores near you for different gf sections. I used to just do my groceries at a Walmart, now I also (and in fact usually/have mostly switched to) Kroger’s and Food Lion. If you have those stores, I suggest either. They’re usually (usually) good with labels.

-food is now even more expensive, but apparently if you track _your_ food costs versus _non gf foods_, you can get a tax break by claiming the extra cost is essentially your medicine. Don’t... quote me on that I know fuck all about taxes.

-most gf frozen pizzas suck. You’re gonna try them anyways but let me just go ahead and tell you. Freschetta is the best, I will fight someone on this, and Kroger brand is actually pretty good (add on garlic, oregano, parsley, and basil along with extra cheese for Even Better Pizza, to every pizza ever). Sadly, say goodbye to rising crust.

-you will have cravings for the most random things. Including foods you DONT LIKE. Because you can’t have them. But gradually your palette will expand for your new... selective diet.

-you will both hate gf fad people and love them. Mostly hate though.

-people ARE looking for a cure, but be patient, it may be a while. But it’s good to be hopeful—just be realistic about how it might not be up to how you want it.

-no, there is no pill you can take. Surprisingly, this will irritate the people around you more than it will you.

-if you can’t cook—yeah maybe learn. If you don’t make, say, mozzarella sticks using gf panko and rice flour, no one will. No, seriously. No one. (Unless you live in a gf haven, in which case—share your location I just waNNA KNOW-)

-you will be fine. In fact, you’ll feel better!!

-rice is your friend. Just go ahead and get a rice cooker.

-if it’s not labeled gf, you’re at your own risk.

-even if it is tbh because labeling laws are Awful.

-did I mention labeling annoyances because—

-people will call it a gluten allergy. It is not a gluten allergy. You will still need to list it under allergies in every paperwork thing you do for the rest of forever. Including the DOCTOR’S OFFICE.

-you may loose weight. You may gain weight. You might do both. So long as it’s not a severe or dramatic drop/gain, do not be too alarmed

-you will find random things about your body that you didn’t know was off due to celiac that will suddenly present itself. For example, my _feet shrunk half a size_ because of water retention.

-your search history will be weird.

-vitamins. If nothing else, vitamin b12 just TRUST ME ON THIS.

-find restaurants near you with gf things. Ask hard questions. Don’t be afraid to err on the side of caution and not eat there.

-some celiacs report having a higher sense of smell. This is... a thing.

-you will, at some point, go through the bread aisle and feel kinda disgusted, maybe nauseous. Surprise, airborne flour.

-love how your body is getting better and healing, even when it’s... really weird about it.

-pack your own food. Constantly.

-gf soy sauce. It is also your new friend.

-no but seriously, rice rice RICE. I didn’t even like rice until a year before diagnosis but liKE.

-everyone will have questions every time you tell someone. You do not have to be their personal search engine on this illness. We have smartphones. We have public libraries with computer internet access. You are not responsible for the education of someone else regarding your body.

-... people will ask what DO you eat. You can be honest, or you can just say you eat nosey people. People forget that that’s not... a normal question, for the most part, and that it’s actually not their business. (That said, people will ask kindly sometimes!! Or they’re trying to make sure they don’t gluten you by accident—and yes, gluten as a verb, this is more of an experience than something explainable. So don’t be mean just to be mean—but you also don’t HAVE to deal with Quincy Question getting up in your business.)

-people will say they could NEVER do it. They would. I did. You mighty have to. _They Would._ it sounds like a compliment at first. It quickly stops being one.

Essentially.... there’s a million and one inconveniences, I’m not gonna lie. But do NOT go back on yourself, no matter what food you miss, it is not worth it.

Most importantly though—breathe. Celiacs sucks but I’m honestly glad to found out. I mean I’d drop it in a heartbeat if there was like, a cure or a medication, but I was very sick—didn’t even know how much until later—it’s much better that I know. And if it is celiac, you’ll begin to feel better soon.

Also im not kidding, go join some gf and celiac tags and communities. It makes all the little annoyances better.

And celebrate the little things!! Gf cake is a THING THAT EXISTS.

#im... not sure if this. helped or not #but i hope it did!!! #best of luck friend #celiac #celiac disease #ask me anything #blessed be ❤️❤️

[jpgluke]

All planned out // A.I

Summary: teacher reader meets Ashton’s daughter and falls in love with Ashton (I honestly don’t know how else I could’ve worded this whatever)

Word count: 3.7k

Rating: PG? Idk it’s fluffy

A/n: hi guys this one has been sitting in my notes for like a week and a half without an ending and I was super inspired earlier so here y’all go!!!! Hope you love it as much as I do :^)

—————————-

Tomorrow’s your first day teaching by yourself. You have everything planned out so you shouldn’t be nervous but somehow you still managed to pick at your fingers thinking about it. You’ve always loved kids so ending up with a 2nd grade class had you through the roof with excitement. Planning things out ahead of time was somewhat relaxing for you.

You weren’t expecting the class you’d start with to be so small. The class was about 13 kids. But you still powered through the first day nerves and you seemed to really enjoy the size as the day went on. The kids seemed to have had a good day granted there wasn’t much actual learning today mostly crafts and talking about their summers. One girl particularly stuck out to you her name was Valerie. She was extremely quiet throughout the summer talk and you noticed she didn’t play with the other kids at recess. But it was only the first day so you couldn’t do much.

After two weeks of Valerie not speaking up in class you had her sit back while you sent the rest of the class to recess along with Mrs. Greene’s class.

“Am- am I in trouble?” Her arms were across her chest as she stood rocking back from her heels to her toes seemingly very nervous. Valerie was not the one to get into trouble usually. “No. No sweetheart. I just wanted to have a chat with you. I know you just moved here this year.” You pointed her to sit on one of the little bean bag chairs you had set up in the little book nook. You sat on the one next to her. “Did you know it’s my first year here too?” You nodded as her little eyes got all big. “Really?” She looked so surprised. “Yeah. I was pretty nervous about starting here. Were you?” You tried to see if she would open up and start talking to you. “I don’t know. I miss my friends back home. No one is nice here” the last few words struck your heart. “Oh no what do you mean by that?” Honestly you could feel the water start to form in your eyes. You could relate to this little girl. You’re family never stayed in a place longer than a year. The frequent moves made it nearly impossible to make friends. No one ever wanted to be friends with the new girl. “The girls dont want to be my friend because I like to read. Isn’t that stupid?” You almost let out a chuckle when she said that because you’re pretty sure those words have come out of your mouth at some point in your life. “We don’t use those words in this classroom girly” you shook your head. She immediately put her hands up to her mouth “I’m so sorry miss. y/n” as soon as she took her hands off her mouth to say something else the rest of the class comes fumbling in. You called a thanks down the short hallway to mrs Greene.

You tried your best to get the short blonde girl to speak up in class. You’d call on her when she didn’t have her hand raised but not too often to make her embarrassed only when you knew she knew the answer. She was a smart kid you just wish she’d make some friends. But since the day you had her sit back during recess she decided she wanted to stay in the classroom with you, sometimes reading a book other times chatting with you about anything and everything. You’ve grown to appreciate this wise 7 year old. Some days she asked if she could sit with you at lunch which you always accepted.

“Do you want my peanut butter and jelly. My dad always uses grape jelly even though I’ve told him I like strawberry.” She held up the sandwich that had the crusts cut off and you looked down at your cheese sandwich. “Hmmm sure. Do you want my cheese sandwich?” You held up the ziplock bag that had your name on it and she grabbed it and tossed her unwanted sandwich on your desk. She sat at a chair she pulled up to sit across from you. “How was your weekend miss y/n?” She muffled through a mouthful of sandwich. “It was alright. Didn’t do much how about yours miss Valerie?” She loved when you called her miss Valerie it made her feel like an equal to you. She was so smart for her age. What she lacked in social skills she made up for in her smarts. “My weekend was awesome! My dad and I went to some weird show that my uncle Luke put on. It sucked but we told him it was great!” She laughed recalling the events. “And after we all went to get ice cream.” Her smile taking over her face. “That sounds like fun!” You nodded as she continued going into detail about everything. “You should meet my dad. He’s so cool he’s like me but BETTER!” Her small voice echoed through the empty classroom and you let out a small shh because other classes were in session next door. “Oops sorry miss y/n but I’m not kidding he’s the funniest person I know” you could tell she loved her dad. “Well I’ll meet him at parent teacher conferences next week. I’ll tell him how great you’re doing!” You started to pack up what you didn’t eat and throw the rest of it in the garbage can. “Now get back to your desk the rest of the class is coming back” you made a shooing motion which caused her to pick up her lunch and put it in the tin box that displayed Spider-Man across it.

You were excited for parent teacher conferences. To meet all the parents of your students. You had everything planned out on what you were going to say to each set of parents or parent. The night was going so well each parent was so kind and friendly they all told you how much their kid loved your class which made your face hurt from smiling so much. The next parent was Valerie’s dad which you were extra excited about.

“Hi. I’m Ashton Valerie’s dad.” You were not expecting this. Ashton was absolutely gorgeous. He was also a lot younger than you expected probably just 30. He had a very strong accent “I’ve heard some great things about you, Valerie won’t shut up about you.” He laughed as he sat in the chair across from your desk. “All good I hope” you returned the laughter. “I wanted to talk to you about her old school life and stuff like that.” You shifted in your seat when you made eye contact with him. “Did she easily make friends? I’m kinda concerned about it because I think at this point I’m her only friend here.” He nodded his head slightly and let out a sigh. “She had a few of them. She’s a pretty shy kid. But the move was really hard for her. I mean living your whole life in one place and then just upping everything and relocating. So I’m not surprised if she hasn’t made very many here.” You nodded. He continued “but lately she seems happy. Whatever you’re doing here she’s excited to come and learn” he smiled which exposed his deep dimples. You could feel some heat rising to your face. Was he really making you blush? How ridiculous he was just complimenting your teaching. “Aw thank you. I enjoy having her in my class.” Your lips formed a soft smile back. As you looked down to your watch the 15 minutes allotted for each parent was almost up so you wrapped up the talk by saying how she was a great student and a pleasure to have in class. “It was really nice to meet you Mr. Irwin.” You stuck your hand out to shake which he grasped with a firm shake. “Please call me Ashton.” He flashed the dimple smile again. He let go of your hand and headed to the door but spun around to the sound of your voice saying “oh also Valerie hates grape jelly.” Which made him let out a hearty laugh “really?” He raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Yeah we always trade when you pack her grape jelly sandwiches.” He shook his head in amusement. And let out a wow and with that he was gone. You had a few more parents to get through but you couldn’t get the sight of Ashton out of your head.

“My dad wouldn’t tell me what happened at conferences but maybe my favorite teacher will?” Valerie was extra chipper today as she munched down very loudly on some chips from her lunch. “We just talked about how much of a menace you are!” You joked with the girl as you played with your food. You have to be honest you couldn’t stop thinking about the short interaction you had with Ashton. He was so kind and spoke so lovingly about Valerie. You knew they had a good relationship by all the stories Valerie would share at your regular lunches but hearing him talk about her made you feel a different way. You kept thinking about those dimples.

It was your turn on pick up duty. Which meant you’d just stand in front of the school and escort kids to their cars or wave off the busses.

“He’s usually here by now.” Valerie was the last one to be picked up and she did not seem happy about it. She was tapping her foot very impatiently. she crossed her arms. It was only 15 minutes after school got released so it really wasn’t that long to wait but Valerie was typically one of the first picked up.

“Darling I’m so sorry.” Ashton came up to the doors but Valerie didn’t budge “I am very annoyed with you” she walked straight passed him and to the car and stood outside the door. Ashton hung back for a few. “I’m sorry I’m not a terrible dad there was a really big accident on the main road and i wasn’t exp-“ you cut him off to assure him you knew he wasn’t a bad dad. “It’s okay really I don’t mind spending a few extra minutes with my favorite.” You made sure to say that extra loud so Valerie could hear you. Which made her laugh and finally uncross her arms. “This might be out of line because you’re her teacher but do you maybe want to join us for dinner sometime? Valerie really likes you and it would probably make her super happy.” Ashton’s words took you by surprise. “Uh yeah sure I- I could do that yeah” you began to feel very flustered. You exchanged phone numbers so you two could figure out a time that would work for all of you. “Dad come onnnnnnnn” Valerie getting noticeably more annoyed with this delay she started tugging on the handle to the locked car. “I’m coming sweetheart.” Before he turned around he winked at you and flashed that unforgiving smile. which instantly made your cheeks turn a bright shade of pink quickly turning before he could see the effect he had on you. You went back to your classroom to bang your head against your desk a few times. But instead you just sat there staring at your phone as if he was going to text you right away. But that was exactly the case he texted you in no time.

“It’s Ashton. But you knew that. Anyways! Does Thursday night work with you?” You could feel a smile creep across your face. You just stared at the message not even thinking of a response just staring at the words on the screen. Thinking what those words would sound like coming from Ashton’s lips. His voice was sweet and smooth. You glanced at the calendar on you desk and saw you had dinner with you mom on Thursday so that wouldn’t work. “I actually am supposed to have dinner with my mom on Thursday is there another day maybe?” You sent the response and almost immediately got the read notification. Which made you super antsy just sitting there waiting for the reply. Watching the three dots go by indicating he was typing. You suddenly felt like you were back in high school waiting for the boy you liked to slide the note back to you while the teacher wasn’t looking. “The only other day we’re available is tonight. But that’s super late notice so it’s okay if you can’t do it haha” you looked at your calendar again at the blank space for today’s date. “No that works great! Do you want me to bring anything?” As you began to pack up your stuff your phone dinged to alert you of a new text from Ashton which you immediately grabbed and read because you have absolutely zero self control. All it said was to not worry about it and sent the address. Another message came in a few seconds later with the time. What were you getting yourself into?

After leaving work you went to get some coffee to give you some energy to get through the night. When you arrived at your house you scoured through your closet trying to find something cute to wow Ashton but still appropriate because it was a students house. You decided on a simple black dress that wasn’t fitted and a denim jacket over it to dress it down a little and headed to the house.

When you knocked on the door you were greeted by the short girl who grabbed your hand and yanked you in. “My dad can’t cook. But I don’t ever tell him. So act like you like it!” Valerie whisper yelled at you. Which you nodded aggressively to show you understood. She then lead you through the beautiful house. You noticed the family pictures placed along the entry way all lacked Valerie’s mother. You tried not to linger because you noticed the blonde girl was no longer in front of you. When you rounded the corner you finally see Ashton and he looked so natural. He was standing in the kitchen over the oven when he turned around to welcome you. “I’m glad you’re here.” Then turned to Valerie. “Set the table will ya kid?” Once the child let the room you wondered over to the kitchen and leaned against the counter where Ashton was cutting some last details for the dinner. “Thanks for inviting me. I honestly haven’t had a home cooked meal since I can’t even remember when.” He let out a soft chuckle which made that ever familiar feeling in your face every time Ashton was around rise to your face. “I wouldn’t get you hopes on it being any good.” He continued chopping what he was working on then looked up at you “I wouldn’t be surprised if Valerie warned you about it” “that was the first thing she said when I got here. Not even a hello first.” He then scraped the vegetables into the salad that was sitting on the counter. He looked like he knew what he was doing and honestly doubted if what he was cooking would be as bad as the child’s making it seem.

When dinner was ready you were ushered to their “proper dining area” as Valerie referred to it as. “It’s so weird sitting here and eating.” The 7 year old joked “we’re usually sitting at the couch watching some dumb reality show” Ashton seemed to shoot daggers at his child “well yeah we do that but we also eat a well balanced diet and at the table too.” He winked at the small mini Ashton who quickly caught on and amplified how healthy they were. “Yeah every morning before school we go running as father daughter and afterwards I hit the gym and lift some weights.” She then shared a glance between you and her father then proceeded to laugh throwing her head back. “What too much?” She held the stare of her father who was turning quite a lovely shade of red. Was his daughter embarrassing him? “Oh you know what I actually do the exact same!” You tried to play along. “Yeah before school I hit the gym and work our hard bro” you made a bench pressing motion over your head. Which sent Valerie absolutely mad she thought that was amazing. You looked over at Ashton while the laughter filled the room. He was laughing too but stopped when he made eye contact and gave you a sweet smile. You extended your leg under the table hoping his would be extended too only to be disappointed to feel nothing but you left it there for a bit just Incase he has the same idea. Valerie continued to joke about something that happened at school today. Something about Billy running into the bleachers in p.e which everyone apparently thought was hilarious. The entire time the small child bantered you and Ashton kept sharing small looks at each other. After the story was over Valerie asked if she could be excused so she could show you something. Ashton agreed and you all gathered your dishes and set them in the kitchen sink. Valerie lead you to the living room which had a big screen tv and a massive sectional she pushed you down in the corner of the couch and she stood in front of the tv. “Betcha didn’t know I’m a ballerina?” She then pressed play on the stereo behind her and a beautiful classical song started and Valerie put on a performance. While Valerie was showing off Ashton came and sat by your side. The distance between you two was a little farther than you had hoped. He sat there watching his daughter dance in the living room with the biggest smile plastered across his face. Even though you don’t know this man very well you could see how amazing he is just by how much he loves his daughter.

When the classical song ended you gave her a standing ovation and applause “that was amazing miss Valerie!” She curtsied and flashed the dimpled smile she shared with her father. “Alright miss ballerina I think it’s time for you to go get ready for bed? How bout it?” Ashton stood up and pushed her in the direction of the staircase. You grabbed the jacket that was lazily slung over the couch to put it on but Ashton put his hand on it “you don’t have to go just yet.” You let go of the jacket. “I guess I could stay a little bit longer.” You teased him and jabbed him with your elbow. He smiled and sat down next to you. A lot less distance this time he had his arm over the back of the sofa turned more towards you. “I don’t wanna like, over step my boundaries but I have a question.” You intertwined your fingers together trying to think of the best possible way to say what is on your mind without coming off to strong. “Shoot” his eye contact was undeniably distracting you and you blurted “what happened to Valerie’s mom.” Which you immediately regretted. You came off so harsh and inconsiderate. “Oh she- she left us when Val was just a baby. Like she popped her out named her and then left.” The eye contact was broken as Ashton stared down at his lap. In that moment you wanted to just hug him and cuddle up next to him. “Oh I’m so sorry.” You shook your head. “But you two seem to be doing great alone.” He let out a pretty loud sigh “Yeah we’ve had a lot of help. My best mates have been great influences in her life. You know the saying it takes a village” nodding in agreement at the very corny saying. “Ahh I’m guessing one of them is her uncle Luke? She told me he’s an actor?” Ashton threw his head back and let out a loud ha. “I guess you could call him that. He owns a small theatre downtown and puts on one man plays that are absolutely terrible. He loves it though so I support him no matter what.” The smile across your face only seemed to get bigger as the conversation went on. He continued to talk about his friends Calum and Michael. You returned the favor and talked his ear off about your best friend Rose. It was truly effortless talking to him. He was such a good listener. You didn’t even notice as you both were chatting you had scooted closer together. His hand grazed your bare shoulder and it sent shivers down your body. His fingers felt like fire for the brief second your skin connected. You could almost still feel the feeling. You definitely wanted to keep feeling that. “It’s getting kind of late I should probably head out.” You looked at the clock on your phone that read it was almost 11:15 “I do have school tomorrow. And I gotta get to the gym beforehand” the dead joke still made him let out a quiet laugh. “Okay I’ll walk you out. This neighborhood is not the best.” He grabbed your hand to help you up off the sunken couch. He didn’t let go of your hand as he led you through the house to the front door. “Here’s my stop.” You joked as you both stopped at your car parked in the driveway. “I guess it is.” His hand still connected with yours. You couldn’t help but break the eye contact to look at his lips. You really tried to restrain from saying something embarrassing. “I’m going to kiss you now. Is that okay?” Ashton’s voice was low and he was inching closer to your face. “I’ve been waiting all night” once your lips connected it felt like you were made for each other. His soft lips against yours was heavenly you wanted to stay here forever but it was mid December and it was very cold outside. But as soon as you pulled away from Ashton’s lips you were pulled back in with his hand on the back of your head fingers tangling with your hair. You let yourself go and cupped his face and deepened the kiss. After a few seconds of the intense kiss he pulled away. “I just might be hot for teacher.” He joked and pulled you in for another kiss.

#ashton irwin #ashton irwin x reader #ashton 5sos #5sos fic #fan fiction #michael clifford #luke hemmings #calum hood #5sos #tumblrsos #lukenetwork #exoticcal #idk what else to tag?

[boymeetsweevil]

bts as boyfriends

a/n: tbh this was basically a list of things i just had swirling around in my head and its basically a continuation of my moments w/ bts and sleepovers w/ bts

Kim Seokjin

Squishes your cheeks together in his big ol’ hands because he can and because he thinks you look cute that way

Is highkey a fan of having matching stuff, but not full-blown couple outfits

thats where he draws the line >:|

Created a separate instagram account just to document the meals you guys have together on your date nights

Dumb (but cute) snapchats of him doing that fast yelling thing he does but he just tells you how much he misses you rly aggressively

also spams you with selfies and videos from other members’ accounts

Pets names hmmm

prefers to call you Doll 

yeobo seems too serious (its what his parents call each other)

Sweetie/Honey makes him feel like an old woman

On your one year anniversary he gave you a 5000 dollar watch but presented it in a box wrapped in printer paper that had his face printed all over it that he made in Microsoft word with some of the editing crew’s help

all of his gifts get wrapped this way 

Jin Is scary serious when you take a selfie together

“Babe, this isn’t the angle--quick lets move over here so we can still catch the light” ***proceeds to sprint ahead of you to some random spot where the lighting is optimal and hurry u over like “ >:( cmon the sun is setting” ***

Is not your typical PDA type, will do weird things just to embarrass you

puts his hand in your back pocket while you’re in the starbucks line and smiles when you give him incredulous side eye

rests his phone on your head to mock you for being shorter than him

Links arms with you like old lady gal pals while you’re walking because he knows you HATE IT

fake moans when you swat his arm for being weird and embarrassing

you shushing him and ending up just glaring because he has no shame and there’s an old man glaring at u on the subway

You can bet he tests out recipes on you!

some of ur most romantic nights have been when you come over just casually but the whole house smells like food he’s been tweaking

you sit at a stool by the kitchen island and he comes by with like 8 different sauces you need to try and noodles to test for texture

He is the type of boyfriend that thinks its funny to gross you out

he eats food the fell on the floor just to piss you off

will kiss u while he’s chewing gum :(

touches u with his bare feet  :((((((

Min Yoongi

Is less bold but NEVER lacking with his affection

Likes to take walks in any weather

E.g. Loves when its rainy because then you have to huddle close because he INSIsts on sharing an umbrella

E.g. Will even walk in the winter/end of fall because he likes to share mittens and scarves - this is the closest thing to cheesy you will ever get with him

Isn’t the type to send selfies

if he does, its just of his shoes of the day with an ironic caption like “rate my fit and i’ll follow back” 

Readily accepts all of your selfies, though

Upgraded his phone 2x just so he could have the extra storage to save all your photos

a lot of them are blackmail worthy, which is the reason for saving them half the time

Yoongi Is a champ when you get drunk

will hold your hair back

lets you spit your gum out into his bare fucking hand before u hurl and will not flinch 

rejects all of your lewd propositions, but may record you and play back your whiny drunk voice the next morning to make you reconsider taking shots next time (PS u dont ever reconsider)

he likes home dates too, obvi

usually you schedule naps at his place because everything about his bedroom is better than yours

mattress is huge and the perfect firmness

sheets are higher thread-count 

can sleep with his hand up your shirt all he wants because he doesn’t have any roommates at his own place

pillows are always cool to the touch BUT

he might schedule dates at your place if he’s been away and just wants to bury himself in your smell. Speaking of...

...Yoongo is a smeller

he is always smelling you, loves how you smell

He smells your hair while zoning out waiting for his americano to come out when ur at a cafe

He’ll wrap himself around you from behind and sniff your neck idly while he plays candy crush on your belly while u try to cook dinner

Nicknames vary on his mood/your behavior

brat - for when you’re being a brat duh

kid - default, all purpose and a little mocking

your last name when he’s feeling rowdy

your first name when he’s emotional

Jung Hoseok

Hobi always runs full force at u when he sees you even if you’ve been in each other’s faces all week

Whenever he’s bored and you’re nearby he’ll moonwalk around you

You love to watch him practice but you also hate it because if you make eye contact he’ll come over and try to pull you in to teach you

He’s tried to teach you to dance dozens of times and you never get any of his choreo

usually it ends in him maneuvering you into a slow 2 step

which then always becomes a tiny makeout session

but honestly so many other random activities you do together turn into makeout sessions because tbh hob is a bit of a greaseball

this means that half the time you’re ignoring him pawing at u and making cheesy jokes during inopportune times 

the other half of the time ur dragging him by the collar and looking for an empty room to take him into because u dig him and his cheesy horndog antics

He’s also lowkey highkey a dudebro

crowds you because he wants to chest bump and ur like “-.- again?”

kept trying to get your secret couple greeting to be that little surfer hand thingie he does with tae sometimes and u said no because neither of u are 8 anymore

likes spontaneous dates, so usually you’ll text him wyd and if he’s free he’ll just answer ‘coming to get u now’ and then you sigh and slip on your shoes and wonder when you’ll be able to have a date where its not 10:30 at night and you’re not wearing sweats and ur not going out just to go eat some chicken by the Han

You utilize all your privileges that you have dating him to visit Mickey

any time there is a break in the guys’ scheduling you say you want to visit mickey

He lowkey hates those days because you just lie on the floor next to mickey and eat the snacks his mom puts out and COMPLETELY ignore him

u and his sister take turns petting mickey and telling embarrassing stories about hob while he sulks in the corner

he gets revenge by taking 20 pics of ur back and doodling horns on ur head and spamming u with them

Probably would call you a bunch of weird things as a pet name

ducky, peaches, cutie, hotpot, captain etc.

sometimes calls you sweet thang but only when its after dark and he’s trying to make moves

Hobi is the type to always want idle touch but its not exclusively sexy u kno?

if you’re watching tv together he’ll have an arm slung over you

if you’re out to dinner, he gravitates towards booths so he can press his shoulder against yours

if you’re chilling in bed you HAVE to be rubbing his arm or else he’ll give you the most ridiculous pout [its so cute tho :’C ]

Thinks you’re the funniest person alive, is always laughing at stuff you said whether if was supposed to be a joke or not

which means he does that deep hiccuping giggle all the time and you just :’))))))

He’s so patient and let’s you test out all your new skin care products on him because he likes having your hands on his face and the way you talk softly half to him, half to yourself while you talk about what you’re doing

maybe its ASMR lmao

Kim Namjoon

The first thought you had after you started dating was that you could touch his dimples any time you wanted

so naturally you do

he has long since gotten used to you just touching them while he’s driving, reading, listening to music, just existing

the first time you did it he was just talking to you about something and when he felt your finger nudge his dimple 

Joon: “I feel like if we visited in the spring we could go frog catching and maybe then we could-----*you jam your finger into his dimple*

You: and? what were you saying?

Joon: uhhhh I forgot :0

a fan of couple outfits but not in the same sense Jin. its more like he likes to plan your outfits

he gets really excited when he thinks of something you would look good in and always gets really bashful right before he shows it to you because he wants you to like it

he has great taste and is very observant of u and ur style so there has never been a time where he has planned an outfit for u and u looked less than amazing

same for photos, he takes really good artsy photos of you all the time

thats what 80% of dates with him are

walking through the city at night so he can take a picture of you with the city scape behind you

or going to those instagram-able cafes in the city during their slow hours so he can pictures of your coffees and you sitting next to a pastel neon sign that says like Love Hurts or something edgy like that

taking photos like that one girl and her bf who travel alot on ig, u know the one

but u never actually manage to get a good shot like that because ur always like ‘joon my arm hurts why dont u be the girl’

He’s in general big on googling popular activities and getaways and making a big deal of documenting it 

as a result: he’s been working on a scrapbook and he thinks you don’t know but you and all 6 other members and even Bang PD know about the scrapbook

he gives it to you on your anniversary and even though youre expecting it, you cry

he takes photos of that too and it goes in the one for next yr lol

He calls you baby of course

but not in an exaggerated/pronounced way

it comes out super naturally and he says it more than he says your actual name

u better Get used to just turning around and catching him giving you that one soft smile he does with his whole face 

“is there something on my face?” 

“no, just enjoying the view <3”

Always wants to make your plate when u visit his home, and always ALWAYS gives you too much food

going there and realizing that maybe its a family thing as you watch his mom heftily scoop vegetables onto his dad’s plate while his dad looks on in worry about where he’s going to fit it

Using Joon’s lap as a pillow!!!

he can read and stroke your head while you snooze

him humming off key because he thinks it helps you sleep

Park Jimin

Before you started dating, Jimin seemed like the guy that everyone loves because he’s effortlessly cool and charming

And he is even after you start dating BUT

He is also a little praise monster and lives for your compliments

Jimin takes advantage of the fact that you are obviously enamored with him and will do things to fluster you on purpose

runs his hands through his hair because he knows you can’t look away

gets unnecessarily close to tell you things because he knows you get goosebumps when he whispers in your ear

plays chicken with you all the time

slow looks at u until u squirm

HE’s a menace

but also reminds you of a bumblebee

Jimin loves to go to see the latest comedy movies and those are always fun

Not because the movies are actually that funny (lowkey he has really bad taste in comedy movies), but because he will LOSE IT in the middle of the theatre and end up slumped over the armrest just laughing his head off

Cue the high squeaky laugh where he can’t even see the movie screen anymore because his eyes are squeezed shut :3

After the movie he always tries to retell funny scenes like

“And then *laughs* did you see the part where the guy *laughs* *laughs more* and then he *dolphin noises*

“Yeah, Minnie it was funny”

He always wants you to come to the gym with him because he gets an unnecessary amount of motivation from those gym couple accounts on instagram

You go in your big t-shirt and shorts and he goes in a similar outfit 

It always ends up with u watching him because again he looks good when he lifts weights and does squats

he likes the attention too 

Calls u cutie

but thinks its funny to sometimes address u as his favorite anime villian’s name ur always like hmm time to go now

He’s a feeder kinda like joon

YOu can’t ever eat anything by yourself, he always wants to cut things for you, spoon feed you 

he’s very caring

This means he also is super attentive when ur sick and will bring u soup and play cards in bed and always refresh ur water and bother u about taking medicine

Kim Taehyung

Everything with Taehyung is beautiful and u feel beautiful with him which is so amazing and crazy at the same time

He is a big cheerleader for u he loves everything u do

You made a badly folded origami and he shouted cute and was so genuine and got it laminated somehow and keeps it as a keychain accessory

He’s always showing you things

like some of his favorite classical art pieces that he’s saved pictures of on his phone

sometimes he tells you about how he can’t wait to plan the perfect trip to europe with u so u can visit some of his favorite pieces face to face

Always showing u his new (and old) favorite songs and movies

some of ur dates are going to see old films or foreign films at this one really hip theatre in the city

he bought a gramophone a little while back before u started dating and he loves to play records for you and lie with you on the floor and show u  the best parts of the song with his hands in the air

He has a fancy camera too that he uses to document “special moments”

when u asked him how come he always uses it to take picture of u then he was like everything with u is special and u had to tackle him and cover his whole face in kisses because he cant just say things like that without facing the consequences

He keeps a journal where he doodles in the margins and writes songs and poems that only some people have seen like yoongi or jimin

he tried to draw you once and it came out looking a little strange but he’s still learning and u love him for it

He also gets soo sooo excited when you show him your favorite things

u dont do it as much because they dont seem as cultured or pretty but u show him a movie from ur childhood that u still watch once or twice a year and his eyes were huge the whole time and he was so glad to watch it with you

Calls u Jagi because he likes what it means and its truly accurate

U guys are just on the same wavelength and he really appreciates that u dont find him weird or quirky or overly pretentious even

u finish each others sentences and can predict moods pretty well its a little scary for the guys to watch u talk to each other in half sentences and know what the other means

When u first met, it was through Joon because he thought u guys would click and he was super nervous and worried because a lot of ppl don’t really GET him

Maybe at ur blind date a song came on in the restuarant u were in and it was a song he really liked

and then u were really shyly like “it feels like when you find a really special spot in the woods that nobody knows about” and hes like

“yeah, it really does” and then goes home and writes ur name 20 times in his notebook before getting the courage to call u about a 2nd date

Jeon Jungkook

You already know what it is with this kid: MEME CENTRAL

seriously ur texts are like 80% reaction pictures you downloaded off the internet that just get cycled over and over again because they’ve started to replace certain common phrases and emotions

Yoongi tried to jack JKs phone once and read the messages out loud to the members to try and embarrass him and he actually couldn’t read the last 24 hours of messages because it was literally all pictures/emojis

JK thinks ur laugh is the best sound he’s ever heard and is always trying to bring it out

he makes so many weird faces

those also become memes in the chat

he does so many exaggerated moves from choreo just to get u to crack up

does random weird things with his voice at inappropriate times to get u to choke

Like Jimin he is a praise monster

he wants u to think he’s impressive because he thinks ur very accomplished and cool and he’s still very much the young shy boy he was before joining the band.

Does flips because he knows u love it and won’t leave u alone until u confirm that u are in fact watching

JK: “Hey, hey, watch this LOOK are u looking?”

YOU: “Yes oh my god what?”

JK:*Does a backflip*

YOU:.........DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDEEE WTF ITS LIT IN HERE

JK: *internally* i can die now

Get ready for some next level cuteness OMG

the little nose scrunch will become the most frequent thing

u will be ruffling his hair and it’ll tickle so he’ll scrunch his nose and u’ll just explode its amazing

The BABY SMILE every time its been a while since you’ve seen each other

You’ll practically tackle him and he loves it and spins u around a little too fast

Those big sparkly eyes that he has?????

prepare for those when its his night to cook but he doesn’t feel like it and says he wants to order pizza for the billionth time

You can’t say no to him ever

gaming is not your thing but he will rope you into a 3 hour Fortnight tutorial because u love him

Not really big on pet names, or like any names for that matter

but he will use your actual name for when he wants ur undivided attention

Is scared that you think he’s immature so sometimes he’ll try to go a day without making a joke and then its ur job to try your hardest to crack him up

this is good because ultimately u also love his high pitched loud laugh 

#bangtan bookclub #bttnetwork #btswriters #hyunglinenetwork #networkbangtan #bangtan #bts fanfic #bangtan fanfic #bangtan imagines #bangtan scenario #bts scenarios #bts imagines

[bigbrothernetflix-st]

EPISODE THREE

“this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off!” - nash

HOH: Nash UPSIDE DOWN: Joey & Saira NOMINEES: Brianna & Gina POV: Jacob FINAL NOMINEES: Emma & Gina EVICTED: Gina (11-1), Jake (WALK)

ARIA

https://youtu.be/SyHPQkbxxw8

JOEY

WATCH THIS AGE LIKE MILK:

I feel great!!!!! Nash winning means my ass aint going up, I gave her 2 tokens, and she gave me 1, and I feel fantastic heading into this week

SAIRA

i feel okay about nash being hoh, she wasn't my first choice but i don't think im in any danger of being nominated (hopefully haha) im not sure who i WOULD want to be nominated, i just know who i wouldn't want, so as long as they're okay i'm good!

JEV

I'm once again feeling pretty good this week. I've grown pretty close to Nash since nominating her in week 1 and she told me and Nathan we aren't going up so, there's that! She's told me Gina is going up and will be her target which I'm not thrilled about but hopefully Gina can pull some miracle and win POV. I'm a little worried about Emma and Jake too, as they've both said they haven't spoken to her much which is dumb, bc like hello??? its week 3, i feel esp with Jake, I can understand Emma bc Nash keeps leaving her on read but I don't think Jake has even tried much (crying emoji) So hopefully they can ALSO pull something out

JAKE

FUCK MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate everyone in this game t b h. why can't people just follow with a plan and go through with it like it aint that hard to put your chips on one person from your alliance so youre all safe like........ i dont think these ppl understand strategy and it's TIRING. i frankly am over people relying on their friendships to get themselves through another week bc fucking nash won an alliance-based hoh comp. now we have to deal w this fucking friend group running the house another week. i don't know if i'm safe i'm honestly probably going to be put up??? even tho nash is the one that CONSTANTLY ignores my PMs even tho ive given her paragraphs to respond to... she's gonna do whatever her little friends want her to do. i mean that's what she literally said to me. i was like pls don't nom me <3 and she was like "im not making any promises im just doing whatever the house wants me to do" like girl............ lkjghklsdfjhg what kind of dumbass bullshit response was that. just tell me you're putting me up or you're not. youre a big girl you can make your own fucking decisions.

i give nash what i would give any hoh if they won and that is "i'd never ever nominate you it's never even crossed my mind" and hoping that's enough to make her wanna keep me. she might think im not going after her but, if she's smart, she'll send me out the door this week before i can retaliate. 

im super super worried that jacob will be like oh jev n jake aligned in BBHOS9 u should put them up together since jev nominated you week 1. like i feel like she'd do ANYTHING jacob tells her at this point cuz shes just another one of his sheep so like hoping im good w jacob but he's such a wildcard idfk

at this point im just hoping me or emma don't get put up and if we do there will be a veto to be won and a nash/jacob to come after next so...... period

ARIA

yall i feel so fucking cracked and tired of everything but itS FINE!!! I got this easy peasy!! Im not going to always feel motivated but im doing my best and thats valid baby!!! So lets jump in, first off lets start with a random information dump of things i've collected

-jacob has talked about me w/ nicholas during pasio

-monty and jacob have a connection ( i dont even remember how)

-nathan nash (maybe jacob) obviously tight lmao

-joey monty close

-Jake made a counter alliance to Jacob's (actually joshes) alliance made of me gina saira emma and josh

-josh emma me alliance

-JOEY RECORDS CALLS

-Jake is wary of nathan (but also thinks hes cute ugh)

-told jake im wary of pasio peeps so he might nom them

-Jacob alliance STILL isnt created

-called with josh and told him that jacob is wary that the alliance isnt made yet

-jacob josh have a pregame

-told josh, saira and nick have a pregame

-josh kiki close

-josh thinks saira is a social threat 

-josh prefers jev over nathan

-told monty to talk to jake more

-told joshua jacob is the most connected person

-got back to nash gina doesnt like her

-jacob kiki nash confirmed trio alliance

-nash told jev gina is the target (jev then told jake)

-josh thought jacob was the original maker of the alliance

-jake thinks jacob/josh are snakes

-jake also thinks jacob-josh-nash-kiki-bri-nick-nathan are an alliance

-josh wants to play the middle w/ me :uwu:

 So from here I want to get into how my ideal week will go and how it will realistically go. IDEALLY Nash noms jev and josh with them not winning veto and the house gets rid of a utr social threat but realistically its gonne be gina and jake with gina going bc she doesnt talk to anyone of have any motivation for this game (I LITERALLY WROTE HER A PARAGRAPH TO SEND TO NASH TO NOT BE NOMINATED AND SHE GOES "hmm idk maybe ill send it" LIKE????) 

Okay the other thing im freaking out about is bc i feel like theres tension between me Jacob Josh and Jake and im not sure what it is about. I mean i kinda do but im missing key components. The whole situation just doesn't sit right with me at all and I feel very at odds with them in a weird kinda way. I've explained this so many times but i have such a bad feeling that josh leaked the janelle alliance to jacob and is more with him than me and now josh is setting these two sides against each other and i just heard from him that nash isnt nomming him so now im really uncomfy ughhhh i have such a bad feeling and i really need to work on people like jev saira monty to make sure i have people behind me i can fall back on, but also im getting the vibe jake really really trusts me which is great because i want to go far with him as well, unless hes just misting me SUPER hard ughhh

god i just have such a bad feeling about this week buts its fINE totally fine ill work it out eventually,,,but now its trust ranking time yay

1.Gina (youre so inactive i adore you!)

2.Joshua (kid GANG!!! thank you for trusting me sometimes <3)

3.Jake (hes a crackhead but hes my crackhead)

VERY BIG GAP

4.Emma (shes chilling what a lovely gal)

5.Monty (better inactive than be active and a threat)

6.Nathan (youre kinda sketchy but hes like a funky older brother)

7.Josh (youre at the center of a balancing act i wonder if u can keep it up)

8.Nick (they always give such an honest vibe,,,,,i dont trust it)

9.Brianna (shes so sweet but the sweetest angels make the fiercest demons)

10.Jev(,,,,your on slightly thicker ice than joey but combined with a little more charisma)

ANOTHER GAP WOOT WOOT

11.Joey (youre on THIN fucking ice buddy,,,,please be more open w/ me)

12.Saira (im begging for u to talk game to me,,, but also since we havent talked u cant snake me yet)

13. Jacob (idk ily sm but youre so fcking connected and idk if i reached ur inner circle yet)

14. Kiki (my favorite furry)

15.Nash (please talk to me im begging ill do anything please plsease plaease plae-)

So update ive been talking around and wow this game loves looking at my allies and kicking them in the kneecaps while spitting in their eyes ugh. So nash is probably leaning towards nomming jake and Gina with gina as the target (really weird that jake is nommed makes me think jacob had some influence there) but in that scenario best case is that veto is used and anyone but josh goes up and that person leaves easy fucking peasy!! Anyway i just talked with josh and apparently jacob was the one who came up with the alliance idea which is interesting bc he tried to pin it on josh. Anyways not to totally contradict my initial rant but me and josh had a really good chat where we're kinda in the same position between two groups (the og alliance and janelle) and we dont know if we should make the og alliance and with who bc of janelle so we're struggling to see whats the correct move from here....or maybe josh is completely misting me but i fucking hope not ugh- either way im surviving this week and thats that!!

JEV

I'm realising that I'm getting myself into a pretty tight position since I have firm alliances with Emma & Jake and Nash & Nathan, as well as being extremely close to Josh C, which could prove difficult for me down the line, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.

KIKI

https://youtu.be/6cn8xUFWqhA

BRIANNA

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1XvZzg3dTEZ89VeFbG3bxk4JFNtr7Ixm0/view?usp=sharing 

i had to use google drive bc it wouldn't take my file on youtube :((((

JEV

So right now I've somehow accidentally wriggled my way into conspiring with Nash on how best to take Gina out, which is so dumb of me because I don't really want to see Gina leave this week, but at the same time I'm having to fight Nash's decision because she wants to put Emma up beside her and... I can't let that happen because I'm worried Emma would leave over Gina

JEV

So I'm speaking to Nash, taking the heat off of Emma by telling her I feel she could be a number for me/her/Nathan down the line, and now I'm pushing for Brianna to go up since Nash wants someone who 100% wouldn't leave over Gina and I'm thinking like... WHO would vote to evict Brianna, but at the same time I'm feeling super terrible about it because Brianna is a literal angel

JEV

Wow a lot going on so I'm trying to update as best I can, Nash is saying she's going to randomise for who goes to the upside down so I'm having to encourage her not to include me or Nathan in the randomisation just incase she needs us for strategising but REALLY its so I can stay and hang around and try my best to keep Emma from touching the block at all this week.

NASH

sorry for nominating women i didnt mean it.

EMMA

If i am being honest the more this game goes by i get so unmotivated and its only week 3 i suck because well in bbgames like galar and almia i mostly played from the bottom now im like alright i kinda want to fuck up my game for fun but kinda pisses me off a bit that i almost could of been nominated if it wasnt for jev but that pisses me off so much i tried talking to nash but i get left on read i dont take things 100x personal unless if somebody is being mean like laughing etc but knowing that i would be on the block over brianna when i did try talking to nash its still hurts a little but if somebody like gina wins veto if i get on the block it issss what it isss i guess but i played on the bottom way to many times maybe i can do this??

JEV

So my efforts worked and Brianna went up instead of Emma, now I've just gotta hope neither of the noms win POV/that the POV isn't used so I don't have to throw someone elses name out there to Nash :flushed:

JOSH

hello ladies and gays. straights aren't welcome here.

today, we are feeling GOOD because the person we nominated just a few days ago won power and STILL didn't nominate me. is that iconnery or what? i was honestly ready for my ass to be TOAST but i did approach nash before they won HOH and had a conversation about where we stood and they said i would be OKAY this week bc we did start talking. we love to see it, yes we do!

the nominees this week are gina and brianna and.. even though i'm in two different alliances with both of them, i'm not mad at either of them going up. i don't REALLY talk with either and i'd be happy to see either one of them go. the tricky part will be figuring out WHO to vote when the time comes, but we have a POV to happen before we get there. we'll SEE.

if i had to choose, i'd probably send brianna home simply because i find her a bit CHAOTIC where i feel like gina isn't really going to cause a lot of waves with me. she's much more quiet whereas brianna is more likely to be able to pick herself back up.

some other fun events going on:

jake was NOT happy about nash winning and thought he was going to get nominated because of it. he was about to RIP nash a new one and is really brewing with how much he hates them. MAKES ME LAUGH A LIL BECAUSE IT WAS SO UNWARRANTED BUT NEVERTHELESS, it's something to note that jake does NOT like nash.

i think aria is my number one right now bc we get along really well and have very similar opinions. i'm really open with how i talk to her so i'm HOPING she's not spilling everything i say to someone else but i don't think she WOULD? i dunno. i love her energy and i'm hoping we can SLICE AND DICE together in the middle.

my strategy is to take my HOH under my belt and take a step back for a minute while my two alliances (one: jake, aria, gina, emma, saira, me & two: jacob, aria, brianna, kiki, me) get picked off back and forth. i'm going to see if i can craft a narrative for them to go after each other but we'll SEE. there are a lot of people in the middle i enjoy a lot more than some of the people in my alliances so IDK. i feel like some people got thrown into these alliances that i did NOT want but they were kind of forced in so i don't trust it. and i think people KNOW because i'm not very chatty abt it in the chats (and i haven't even made one of the chats. am i supposed to? idk)

anyways that's all for now x 

ARIA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zp71zzR-wgE

someone help

JAKE

https://voca.ro/g2ZQWs9x8du

JEV

Not miss Nash coming to me asking how I'd feel about being renom :flushed:

JEV

So I literally just woke up from a sleep and in the space of 30 minutes have had to talk Nash out of renomming me, Emma or Jake since we've just made an alliance together so I warned her that probably wouldn't work out for us in the long run. We narrowed it down and she shortlisted Aria, Josh C, Monty & Nick, and I have spun her to try and get her to nominate Aria, because 1. I don't wanna see Josh C go up and 2. like with Brianna I feel nobody here would vote to evict Aria, and Nash wants Gina GONE (crying emoji) so I feel this was the only logical renom to suggest.

JEV

The conversation has turned back to Emma and I just really don't wanna let that happen because I do feel like she'd leave over Gina. Part of me is saying not to stick my neck out too much to save Emma but at the same time she's my number 1 in this game and I hope she'd return the favour if she was in my position.

NASH

this was literally one of the worst decisions i've ever had to make so now i'm just kinda pissed off! 

ARIA

Well,,,, FBSFJDF I feel like im making so many of these but honestly this game changes everyday so please dont be too annoyed by me uwu, the mood swing i had just this DAY was insane so lets begin w/ the general info-

IN TIME LINE ORDER

-Jev told jake that something about noms but acted dumb when I asked

-Gina/Joshua/Aria alliance created!!

-Saira and Josh are close

- VIDEO DR GOES HERE

-Jake spills Emma-Jev-Nathan-Nash-Jake alliance with Emma/Jev/Jake being a trio as well= Jev created the alliance

-Jev prefers gina out

-jake doesnt believe in screenshots or recording calls

-Jev and Jake are close

-Jev/Jacob/Jake all played together before

-I leaked Bri's backups to Jake as well as Jacob's trio with Nash and Kiki

-nash almost backdoored jev bc he wasnt responding to her

-jev was the reason i was almost otb

-I WAS ALMOST OTB

-Josh AND Jacob both want Jake out

-Bri thinks nash's comp ability is scary

-Nash and Nick are close 

-Jacob nervous about Bri's backup leaking

-Jacob barely talks w/ saira and monty

-made a final three w/ jacob josh called malibu

So now im debating whether its morally okay for me to analyze what happened in the living room in a game sense. FBSdffan So lets run down things in chronological order and I might mention my thoughts if they arent too controversial, Nathan leaks the alliance with jev/nash/jake/emma. Eventually emma says 'i wanna know who put these thoughts in the hohs head" and nick starts to shut the discussion down which is an interesting contrast to their earlier attitude where they were very for the drama continuing, which leads me to begin they had some sort of hand in it. Nathan goes on to say he likes nash on a personal lvl which jake analyzes as a nod to a friendgroup and a mini confrontation between nathan and jake occur. I believe that part was just a misunderstanding on both parties account. Then happy discussion until Jake calls nash out for being in the diary session for too long which leads to a discussion of house guests over analyzing production and using that as a strategy which is ultimately unfair and also at this time I believe nash was going through itTM leading to their friends to be slightly defensive on their behalf (which is valid) and i after rereading things i really hope that they're okay, ultimately this leads up to frustration on Jake's part and his ultimate quit. 

I mean where do i go from here? I have the Bri's angels but that did get leaked to Emma on Jake's way out so i need to figure some way to micromanage that where i think im gonna make a emma jev alliance and work with them as a trio in the future (if gina goes) but rn i feel like this force of energy that is Bri's backups is gonna body for a bit but i think theyre gonna throw hoh leading me jev or emma to step up and body a bit. Like i think i might actually win hoh and nom nash and monty with a nick potential renom bc im BORED and nash continuing to skate by without even talking to me is not valid, and monty is so not here its like??? HEWWO??? but idk thats making big moves i may just chill a bit for now but i dont want jev and emma being targeted in the future bc theyre gonna be numbers for me and thats on PEWIOD!

HOST WEEKLY CAST ASSESSMENT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L25lY813N1k&list=PLFEwPPy8j010XXwntq80VSU0qLNTNpSIN&index=4&t=0s

#bbnetflix st

[curlyshepards]

LITERALLY i want all of them for curly shepard

IM SORRY TO THE MOBILE USERS WHO THIS WILL NOT APPEAR UNDER A READ MORE FOR

What does their bedroom look like?

idk why i’m such a firm believer of this BUT: tim and curly share a room, so typically half of it is clean and the other half (curly’s half) is a fucking mess all the time

Do they have any daily rituals?

every day for lunch at school him & his friends just go under the bleachers and drink. unfortunately curly has no limits so when lunch is over he usually just ends up ditching the rest of the day to go continue drinking somewhere else

Do they exercise, and if so, what do they do? How often?

he doesn’t make a conscience effort to exercise, but he walks basically everywhere when tim has the car. so he’s in pretty good shape bc of that & bc of fighting

What would they do if they needed to make dinner but the kitchen was busy?

curly has never made dinner a day in his life and will never make an attempt to nor does anyone want him to. if theres nothing already made at the house he’ll either just go without or go to the diner

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

he’s a generally messy person, but he takes pride in his looks so he takes care of himself. he’s always clean shaven and smells really good. his room, however, is a disaster scene

Eating habits and sample daily menu

usually not awake for breakfast, and for lunch he’ll scrap up whatever he can find in his house (probably ends up being a sandwich or cereal) and for dinner he’ll follow tim somewhere and make him buy him dinner. he loves eating at the diner and never underestimate his ability to eat breakfast meals at 11 o clock at night

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

his sole reason for going to school is to waste time (thats what he tells everyone at least but its rlly because tim will not let him drop out) but if hes not in school then he’s probably just walking around his neighborhood w/ his friends or hanging out at the strip trynna start fights

Favorite indulgence and feelings surrounding indulging

dont.....really know what this means. all im thinkin about is that chocolate stuff. but he likes chocolate so lets go with that. he could eat 50 kit kats in a row, probably

Makeup?

makeup sex? absolutely. he’ll start a fight with his boo just for the sex

Neuroses? Do they recognize them as such?

i honestly dont see him having a mental illness

Intellectual pursuits?

intellectual isn’t really his thing. BUT  i can see him really liking labs and stuff

Favorite book genre?

he hATES reading, but mostly because he’‘s dyslexic and he was brought up thinking that he was dumb bc he had trouble reading. ponyboy is the one that ends up helping him, though, and sometimes he’ll read to curly (action books bc they’re the only ones that’ll keep curly’s attention. there are numerous times he regrets the decision bc curly cant keep quiet for more than a few minutes.)

Sexual Orientation? And, regardless of own orientation, thoughts on sexual orientation in general?

(i can already see the purly supporters @’ing me yikes) but PERSONALLY i think he’s straight. idk what this means by thoughts on s.o. in general but im bisexual ??? idc about sexual orientation ??

Physical abnormalities? (Both visible and not, including injuries/disabilities, long-term illnesses, food-intolerances, etc.)

he’s got a lot of scars, mostly on his knuckles but a few up and down his arms. he’s deathly allergic to seafood but doesn’t care bc it looks gross to him anyway.

Biggest and smallest short term goal?

biggest: honestly just making it through another day is an achievement to him

smallest: he swears that one day he will beat sodapop curtis in a drag race

Biggest and smallest long term goal?

biggest: being as respected as tim is when he’s older

smallest: he will own a puppy at some point

Preferred mode of dress and rituals surrounding dress

white t-shirt, jeans, tennis shoes, and if its not too hot then a leather jacket. he hates jean jackets tho and WILL make fun of anyone who wears them

Favorite beverage?

beer. but also pepsi. hes weird.

What do they think about before falling asleep at night?

we’re about to get deep. on good nights he just thinks about his day. there’s never a boring time with him, so he’s always got a lot to think about. he could be thinking about a girl he’s met or just hooked up with, or about what his friends got into. on bad nights though, he thinks about his dad and how he never got to know him. he thinks about how maybe he’ll never be like tim, and he’ll never be the brother that angie falls back on (that doesn’t bother him as much as it should, but it still pops into his mind) the number one thing that keeps him awake is never amounting to the shepard name

Childhood illnesses? Any interesting stories behind them?

just stupidity. he broke a lot of bones, needed a lot of stitches, and was bed bound too many times to count. there was one incident that tim loves to tell: the first time curly got into a fight. the guy was two times bigger than curly, but he didn’t care. the fight was done in 5 minutes, and curly had his first broken nose

Turn-ons? Turn-offs?

turn ons: i can see him really liking outgoing girls/ girls that are upfront. also neck kisses, collarbone kisses, hair pulling, back scratching

turn offs: daddy kink (seriously, its gross, stop forcing this on my son. he already has enough daddy issues) but nothing else really he will do basically anything

Given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

either a very crude & poorly done drawing or a sign that says “curly is the hottest shepard”

How organized are they? How does this organization/disorganization manifest in their everyday life?

he is NOT. it doesnt really bother him that hes disorganized, but it drives tim up the wall. he’s always getting onto curly for being a slob

Is there one subject of study that they excel at? Or do they even care about intellectual pursuits at all?

he doesn’t really care, but since he’s forced to go to school he might as well enjoy something, which ends up being the labs in science. he likes the dissections, mostly, but he thinks looking into the microscopes are cool too (mostly bc him and his friends make shapes out of the slides)

How do they see themselves 5 years from today?

alive, hopefully

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

he kinda just takes it day by day and doesnt care about the future. hes a strong believer that things will fall into place if theyre supposed to happen

What is their biggest regret?

probably being too emotional and not toughening up enough when he was younger

Who do they see as their best friend? Their worst enemy?

SO this is an OC but his best friend is a guy in the gang named brian. his worst enemy is also in the gang and his name is jimmy and he fucking hates that kid.

Reaction to sudden extrapersonal disaster (eg The house is on fire! What do they do?)

he’s probably the one that caused the disaster, so he immediately tries to fix it on his own. which usually works, but it leaves a mess behind that he’ll attempt (and fail) to cover up. a few hours later he’ll get chewed out by tim.

Reaction to sudden intrapersonal disaster (eg close family member suddenly dies)

so lets say tim dies. tim is the only person that curly is really close to, because if there’s one thing that he learned from his brother it’s to never let anyone too close. but he always thought that tim would be there for him so he worshipped him. but ANYWAY tim dies and curly shuts down. i can honestly see him losing it bc tim was all curly ever knew, he was always there to fix the mess curly got himself in and now he’s just kinda alone in the world. he’d still have the gang, but they’d remind him too much of his brother, so he’d eventually cut ties with them. it’d take a major, new person to bring him out of his stump, and thats if he ever really brings himself back to normal

Most prized possession?

the hand-me-down leather jacket tim gave him

Thoughts on material possessions in general?

doesnt really care about them bc he doesnt have a lot. he likes the things with meaning, but couldnt care less about expensive & nice things

Concept of home and family?

hes VERY family oriented and a huge mama’s boy, but he hates his step dad. he’d do anything to protect angela and anything that tim asked him. family always comes first with him

Thoughts on privacy? (Are they a private person, or are they prone to ‘TMI’?)

it kinda depends. on his sexual life hes really TMI, but about emotions and family and secrets he’s really private. you could count on one hand the amount of people that he’s told private stuff to, and even then they don’t know the full story. i think the only people who would ever truly know him are tim and his significant other

What activities do they enjoy, but consider to be a waste of time?

football!! and hes actually good at it. tim never plays tho so the only time he gets to is with the curtis gang

What makes them feel guilty?

fucking up on a gang job and letting tim down

Are they more analytical or more emotional in their decision-making?

more emotional!! that’s the biggest difference between curly and tim. tim will think of the long-term effects before making a decision, where curly is more of an “act now, think later” type person. his decisions are usually the wrong ones, but they make for a better story

Would they consider themselves a Type A or Type B personality?

i’d wanna say type B, because he is super laid back and easy going and isn’t really competitive (unless its for a joke)

What recharges them when they’re feeling drained?

getting away for a while. he loves driving and ive always seen him as having a little secluded spot that he goes to by himself during his teenage years. eventually though he finds the right person that he can take, and just being with them makes him feel better

Would you say that they have a superiority-complex? Inferiority-complex? Neither?

neither tbh. he may think that he’s better than some greasers (because honestly he is) but he doesnt think of himself as above other classes. he finds it unfair that socs and middle class people have a superiority complex, so it’d be dumb for him to have one. he just thinks everyone should be equal (but he knows theyre not, and for that reason he’ll fight any soc he can get his hands on)

How misanthropic are they?

hes very easy to get along with if you come from the same type of neighborhood. he’s open to everyone that’s cool with his gang, but he’ll be the worst kind of person to rival gangs and rich people. so he doesnt dislike people, because he can be a really cool guy, you just have to come from his streets

Hobbies?

football, fighting, drinking, poker. y’know, d00d stuff

How far did they get in formal education? What are their views on formal education vs self-education?

he graduates high school and thats it. and he definitely values self education more, the stuff he’s learned by himself ahve been more useful to him than the Pythagorean theorem ever will be  

Religion?

he believes in a god but never really thinks about it. hes not religious by any means but i think it kinda comforts him knowing something comes after life

Superstitions or views on the occult?

he doesnt believe in superstitions imo!!

Do they express their thoughts through words or deeds?

both. he’ll talk a big game and then follow through with his promises

If they were to fall in love, who (or what) is their ideal?

THE QUESTION IVE BEEN WAITING FOR OK if curly ever fell in love, it’d be with someone making him feel okay with being him. they’d make him want to be a better man & not just a mini tim. they’d have to accept that curly would always idolize his brother, but they’d also help him detach a little. they’d love him for him and accept the fact that they can’t change him. they’d probably be just as wild as he is, bc they’d have to keep up with his lifestyle. they couldn’t take life too seriously and would never know what the future had in store for them. i can see curly eventually being able to be romantic, but it’d never be in public

How do they express love?

kisses, holding hands, little acts of kindness (giving them something that reminded him of them, asking how their day was, remembering little things)

If this person were to get into a fist fight, what is their fighting style like?

daddy came to win

Is this person afraid of dying? Why or why not?

nah i dont think he is. i think he’s kinda accepted that there is a very real possibility that he won’t make it past 30 w the way he’s living, so that’s why he takes it day by day

#long post #VERY LONG PSOT #Anonymous

[hpzen1805]

So, it's been a crazy ride these last few weeks.

Work was geting bad again, my supervisor (who has made a point to tell me that she's my colleague, not my supervisor, despite the fact that she runs the attorney's entire practice and requires that all work product be reviewed by her) started being horrible to me again. And it took this crazy thing and talking it over with my partner to realize that she's been gaslighting me this whole time.

Fun.

Things were getting bad and I was super stressed and not doing well at all (things were like when I started high school; I would wake up feeling sick to my stomach and almost vomit every morning because that's how my body deals with stress. Fun, right?)

But I had this class for work that was out of the office with my old senior paralegal, and it turned out to be just what I needed. She kind of knew what was going on already because she and I keep in contact, but we were able to actually talk about what was going on with both of us. I told her about the craziness at work and she told me how amazing her new office is. She also made a point to tell me that they were hiring and that she had talked me up so well that they wanted to see my resume. I didn't think it was going to go anywhere, but I needed some hope, so I agreed to send it to her.

At the class, I realized just how little these people who supposedly "wanted to teach me" about my field had really been keeping from me. The class went over things that I had been told were too advanced for me so simply that I found out that there was a whole exemption that we were utilizing that I had never been told about and which made the calculations that I had been struggling with make so much more sense. Of course, when I had done those calculations, I had been given a wkrd processing sheet to work with, and no explanation of why each part did what it did or what was supposed to be used to accomplish it. When I was told I did it wrong, the explanation was that "[I] couldn't know that because it comes with experience".

No. It comes from someone actually explaining shit. Just saying.

Anyway, my friend got me an interview, and it went really well. I had an offer within the week, and with how stressed my coworkers' behavior was making me, I was more than happy to accept. However, I still felt like I owed that place some modicum of loyalty (hey, I'd been there for a year and - as ive found out is like all gaslighters - things didn't always seem horrible; sometimes they were nice to me and let me hear them shit-talk others so that I knew what they did behind my back) I felt like I should give a months notice to do right by them.

So I signed my offer letter, gave a months notice, and started working with my non-supervisor to organize the tasks that I had and figure out what I could accomplish before I left.

Weird thing, though: when I gave notice, the attorney wasn't there, and my non-supervisor had always said to tell her first if we were leaving so she could "make things easier with [the boss]", so I did. She was very nice about it and said they would support my decision.

Then she asked where I was going, which I had purposely not said because another former employee worked there and I didn't want to make things weird or give them an opening to try and bad-mouth me (I don't trust people who smile and make polite chit-chat with someone and immediately start talking shit about them the second they leave the room, sorry not sorry). I told her that I didn't want to say because I wanted to avoid any awkward situations. This was her response:

"Why? It'll be more awkward if you're not upfront with us. We need to know in case there's a conflict. If there's a conflict [the boss] will only want you to stay two weeks, but if there isn't, she'll take the whole month. "

I - like a dumbass - was startled into telling her because it sounded legit. Come to find out from my friend at the new place that it was total bullshit, and they were just being nosy. Apparently, when the last girl from our firm left for my new firm, they called to talk to the hiring attorney about her (idk what they said, but my friend basically told me that the attorney knew better than to listen to them).

Anyway, I was ready to stick out the month and blow through my task list as fast as I could. I mean, I was super into it! I wanted to do the best I could because im a firm believer in kill 'em with kindness. Seriously, my motto is "I am a ray of goddamn sunshine and everyone Will Fucking Know It". So when I went in on Tuesday, I was ready to get down to business (to defeat... the tasks? Idk, it's late, and I'm loopy). And my supervisor had seemed like she was really supportive on monday when I told her, so I thought things would go relatively smoothly.

I was so wrong.

I went into our planning meeting, and it was like I was transported back three weeks; every little thing I did or said was scrutinized and found wrong, she was annoyed by all the tasks I had that she had told me to push back, and she decided she wanted to finalize 7 of my tasks that day. Since 5 had been reviewed BY HER before, I was hoping it wouldn't be too bad.

It was.

I had made all the updates that she asked, but she found further fault with the product that she had previously overlooked, and of course, it was my fault. So I tried to fix things and get them done, but by this time, her passive-aggressive attitude and constant sighing to express her "boredom" (something she's explained before as a reaction to "people not doing things the way she wants them done quickly enough"; that's a story for another day) was really fucking with my stress levels. There was also a thing with some documents that I didn't have, which I had asked her about weeks before, and she had said that the client had kept them and we had just kept scans after the meeting; that day, she wanted to know why I didn't have them, and I reminded her of that conversation; she got mad and said that I should have them and started asking when I had last had them (I never had them) and then went to check her office. Lo and behold! They were in her office! Who woulda thunk?! Then she proceeded to tell me that it was my fault for not getting them from her and that she never told me the client kept them becuase they would never keep them (which I had pointed out was weird when we talked about it and she assured me it was a rushed decision and out kf the norm).

Basically, the whole day was a shit-show in a hell-hole with my own personal torturer who specializes in emotional fuckery.

So I went in on Wednesday after almost puking when I woke up. After crying out of frustration to my partner the night before. After talking to my partner and my parents and being told by all of them that I could, in fact, just leave if I wanted to, and that the stuff my supervisor was doing was super shady (forcing me to tell her where I was going to work, and telling me not to tell hr because the boss would want to do it "on her own terms" because of the bad relationship between her practice and the main branch of the firm).

And after all of that, I came in to a rude response to my check-out email (which was in response to a rude reminder that I had to send one "EVERYDAY before I leave") and a passive aggressive note written in all caps on a post it that a new task was an ASAP and that I needed to see her IMMEDIATELY when I finished it.

And I snapped.

I sent an email to hr giving my notice and saying that I didn't want to upset my boss, so if she hadn't sent it over Please dont tell her I did. I got a very concerned response, and an offer to talk if I needed it. I went to themorning meeting with our practice grouo and made polite small talk with my supervisor, who was using the same voice on me that she uses on the associate attorneys that she thinks are stupid and doesn't like, but has to be nice to. And at that point, I was Done.

I went back to the office and finished the ASAP. I finished my admin stuff that had been lingering. I cleaned up my desk and updated my task list. I checked that my shelves were organized. I gathered up any research that I had done that didn't have client names on it, any notes I had without client names, and any personal items I had. And I left.

Well, first I gave her the asap and said I almost threw up (which I had in the midst of organizing) and that I needed to go home. (The response was: "Leave what you have in my box and hand flap to suggest leaving". Because, since she works while sick or giving birth, everyone else is expected to as well, and if you don't, you're weak and beneath her)

Then, I went to hr and explained what had been going on. I was so stressed that I cried again (luckily, not much, cuz I hate crying in front of anyone, but especially in a professional setting), but she was super nice about it and asked what I would like to do. I said that I wanted to cut my notice to the usual two weeks, and use my sick and vacation time to cover that week and a half that I had left. I just couldn't do it anymore, and my partner's voice was in the back of my head "You gave your notice. They can't fire you, and you don't have to take their crap.", along with my mom's voice telling me "The only one stopping you, is you." And the hr lady said I could!

So I left.

And I feel SO MUCH BETTER.

Am I still worried that they'll bad mouth me to my new firm and ruin my reputation with the attorneys at their firm? Yes.

Am I super nervous about starting a new job? Fuck yes, I am.

But I am out of that toxic place, and I have a new opportunity to do the best I can with my life.

And I am so grateful for that. I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. And I'm even grateful for what those people did, because I can learn from it, and I can grow as a person so that I am NEVER LIKE THEM.

So, if you've made it this far, I'm sorry for the rant, but also: Please don't give up. It may seem like you're in a horrible situation, but you CAN find a way out. Talk to people, don't be afraid that you're bothering them. Or do it anyway, because guess what? You Deserve Better. Even if someone (including yourself) is telling you that you don't. You Deserve Better. And if you feel like no one believes in you, or you can't do it? I believe in you. And I know you can do it. If I can, anyone can.

Please, don't give up.

#personal #rant #sorry

[janzz]

day 3: its 3:47am on day 4 and i forgot to write my daily post

really really really trying hard to make this a habit (just for april)

so fail but lol

here’s my post for today

i went to a yoga class tonight in santa clara and it was the yogi’s first time and she was so good omg!

not quite as good as my fave instructor of all time (the bae lauren at moxie yoga in sf)

but yeah kimberly at corepower santa clara square might make me a regular!

(which honestly is super great because i went to class with norma and it was awful LOL)  (she played like hardcore edm at a chill class??) (to be fair it was also a level 2 class and i was struggling a little and kimberly’s class was a level 1....)

(oh i went to whole foods in the same plaza right after and ngl im starting to really enjoy just physically being in those fancy ass supermarkets.  i went to a new to me nob hill after orangetheory surprisingly also in santa clara ----theyre just nice and clean and beautiful.  however spending $45 to get way less stuff than a 99 ranch or something still feels way wrong.  i got bananas cashew milk chia seed refill 18 brown eggs (anthony likes the brown ones idk) natural deodorant (cause native has been sucking hard) ginger tofu mushrooms orange juice fancy sprouted bread shredded cheese actually ok when i list that all out its a decent amount for whole foods.  the stuff is just smaller yknow like the presliced white mushrooms were $1 for easily like 3 or so oz less)

anyway i find this funny because when i started dating anthony in 2015 he would go to nob hill markets and always claim it was his favorite market (because the chicken he would buy from there would never go bad etc).  i thought he was like idk rich af -- to be fair he went to stanford 2x and has his masters and is 2 years older so yeah he is definitely more privileged than me.  like i didnt have a preference for cage free brown eggs like i never had the money to spend the extra $1 or 2 on that shit when i was slaving at starbucks AND a second office job.

its really weird how money changes your life.  its 2019 and i finally hit the 100k 6 figure mark.  it’s honestly been a STRUGGLE to get here, but i’ve learned a lot along the way -- primarily that you HAVE to negotiate and generally just get paid more to improve your life.  anyway yeah money doesn’t solve problems but it generally reduces  your mental calories and makes things way more convenient.

before when i was poorer, i would have to go out of my way to make sure i was getting the cheapest shell gasoline in the area (still gotta have standards and not give into that arco bullshit).  i would never go into whole foods or places like that because my dollar had to stretch further.  whenever i would go out with friends before i’d have to be SUPER mindful of what i ordered and i would be EXTRA annoyed when you go out in a group and when splitting venmo people wouldnt pay the extra gratuity and i’d factor in me covering it because as a barista and server its bs when ppl dont tip well

now -- idgaf if i go out to eat a lot or splurge when im out w friends.  dropping $50-$100 randomly cause something is on clearance at lululemon is not a big deal.  im not anal about my boyfriend and i splitting everything exactly 5050 down the middle cause meh whatever i dont need to be given money back for like the minimal difference.  if whole foods is convenient for me to go to after a workout ill go in without batting an eyelash.  

it is weird tho being poor and then having money -- like ill go to lululemon but absolutely CANNOT buy anything full price.  i still like watching movies but 99% of the time go on discount days cause spending $20 when i could spend $9 feels wrong.  whenever i do basic things with my boyfriend, like going to the grocery store or mall, i’m most definitely the most cost conscious -- checking against the value per oz, whereas he just picks whatever and gives no thoughts to it (i think he makes like 240k a year thereabouts, definitely more than double but i dont know the specifics).  i drive a 2015 toyota corolla le he drives a nicer but still affordable more luxury sedan hyundai sonata souped up with seat warmers navigation and he’s installed a dash cam and stuff.  my car is definitely a commuter car that’s just one level up from the s basic model.  when i htink about buying a new car i dont know if i could buy a lexus but yet i sometimes think about getting a tesla instead of a prius

another weird one is getting mad at myself for leaving reusable grocery bags LITERALLY in the trunk and then having to pay the $0.10 per bag.  I’ve easily spent at least $15 on bags prob.  Before i would be kicking myself hard cause i’d need to pinch pennies.  another thing that ive noticed makes me feel “rich” is i can sustain my craft coffee/boba habit just fine and not give a fuck.  before i got more mindful of it i htink my my coffee boba budget was like $100 a month.  ive always loved craft coffee, but it has to be RIGHT if i was gonna spend $6.  when i was living w my parents in san diego going to a new coffee shop and driving up to encinitas or whatever was like THE trip. now i get philz off my mobile app whenever i head out of class or if im feeling like it and its not that special

but yeah, im not rich by any means but it was huge to go from like $16 an hour at my office job/$15.70?? w/ benefits I think that was my starbucks shift supervisor rate/annual salaries of 20k ish to $39k at a law firm in downtown sac (grossly underpaid but at least rent was only $300 at a family friends) back to the law firm job up to $70k.  there i got a raise at the same job from 70 to 80k and then 80k to 86.

THEN cause i was privileged enough to have been able to save money making more when i hated my job i just up and quit (i think i had like no more than 5k in savings at the time --it wouldve been more but i spent 3k on prk/lasik).  anyway yeah i was lucky af and got a new job in a month -- and the offer for this job was 100k base, 10k bonus, some amount of stock (i still suck at this stuff) and a stupid amount of perks like $1000 gym reimbursement and basically free health insurance -- if i annualize all my pay+perks, assuming i get my full bonus, its prob like 120k.

so i have like 5x ed my income in 4 years since graduating from college.

the crazy part is people that were more privileged than me STARTED at 100k as new grads, including 401ks and what not.  im lucky becuase i started mine back when i was 18 at starbucks.

income inequality and access to knowledge/resources has become something ive become more aware about and passionate about over time.  me and my boyfriend clashed a lot earlier i think because we literally were in different planes of our lives and income levels.  we’ve been together 3 years, but have known each other for 4.  we broke up for 1 year in between -- and yeah ngl had i never improved myself or actually reached my income/earning potential we likely would not have gotten back together.  additionally him supporting me when we got back together raised me out of not the poverty level but yeah we met and i made 39k.  i took the plunge and moved out to sf for myself and lets be real for him too and made 70k which was a huge jump.  and in a short 15 months or so i jumped again to 100k base.

im never gonna make as much as he does (men/women blah we can get into that) but yeah even having access to money adjacently is so powerful.  anthony never outright gave me money and im too much of a hardass independent person that ive NEVER borrowed money from him, never intend to.  i really vehemently despise the idea of free loading but because of him just being around yeah my life has been improved.  

when we met in 2015 in our young 20s we were in our have fun phase.  i was too poor to have gone to thiings like coachella or out to a concert.  he got me into music and made it easy for me to experience because he’d buy the ticket, drinks, pick me up and pay for sf parking.  i would likely get dinner ahead of time or something small and generally we would switch so if he got tickets one time i’d get them next.  but he ALWAYS paid for drinks and lets be real the occasional not drinks :P he had introduced me to music in such a way that i was willing to drop $800 or so on coachella + car camping + take pto days even when we were broken up 10ish months or whatever it was the first time we dated but if you think about it he likely dropped at least 1k on me during those 10 months without batting an eye lash.  i made 39k at the time working in downtown sacramento and he made 90k base (maybe 115k total comp) living in SF.

despite just basic things like me being immature for 23 -- a big reason i think we broke up at the time was the income level inequality.  it was both our first jobs out of school (first job out of stanford grad for him, he immediately got his masters out of undergrad).  i did a round of uc davis, community, uc davis.  

he told me he was breaking up with me because when we met i had originally wanted to be a lawyer and then didnt end up pursuing that path and he saw it as a lack of ambition/drive.  what he didnt see was general growing up and not having access to lawyers as i grew up, just me working at this really top tier A+ law firm and feeling out of place as an asian woman working with rich WASPs.  me wearing pencil skirts and having major impostor syndrome.  what he did end up seeing was an insecure version of myself in our relationship with me bending over backwards to make him happy.

when i moved to sf and made 70k it definitely was a huge ego boost to make that additional 30k, but to be real, here in sf and paying more rent than i was in sac and SD/just general living being expensive 70k wasnt that much.  what it did for my confidence though was priceless (i was an ea to a ceo at a tech startup).  i really grew into myself and was more confident in my abilities -- and honestly a lot of that was just getting older and knowing that i was good at things, bad at certain things and i wasnt going through my quarterlife/post grad crisis anymore.  

then those raises to 80k and 86k made me more ballsy.  these things were obvi practiced with anthony as i had a partner to discuss and practice with/an educated thought partner.  at this time anthony was making $150k base or so (after realizing he had been grossly underpaid as a PM for the 90k initial salary)

all of this set me up to basically make my position what it is now AND for it to be 100k.  tbh im a glorified low level coordinator at a big company.  i honest to goodness for the first three months probably worked a total of 2ish hours a day? this role should probably max out at 90k.  and by max out i mean this role likely shouldve started at 75k with incremental raises to get to 90 in like 3 years.  i STARTED at 100 and can likely if i play my cards right be promoted to a program manager in a year (or less).  that’ll prob bump me to a base of 120 or so if i’m aggressive.

i always shitted on sf when i moved here because i hate the tech bros, the elitist ppl, the vcs who think theyre out here changing the world but seriously being surrounded by people that went to ivy leagues or the UC’s that were better than mine have honestly, like my boyfriend, just uplifted my status.  something as small as casual lunch time conversation being more intellectual makes a huge difference for me re: how stimulated i feel and how much more energized ive become because of ppl around me.  i def still have impostor syndrome all the time but its been so much growth from 23 to 27.

30s should be great because ill be well into my career by then and making even more and closing the gap even more w my boyfriend.  its funny too cause hes 29 now AND FINALLY getting that postgrad quarter life crisis.  his privilege was able to offset him to have this crisis later on in life where he made more money and could make smarter choices.  privilege really is the thing that keeps on giving and im grateful to have started poor and really appreciate it.  as i make more money i also care more and more to give back.  if i ever do run for office in my 50s or whatever im gonna push for more access to education and arts.  i had an interest in this as an undergrad but couldnt pursue it because itd be a lifetime of poverty, but yeah who knows.

dang this went long but it is really interesting when i think about money and how much its effected me.  im lucky i was able to raise myself out of the level my immigrant parents brought me and my sister to.  them moving out of the philippines was the best thing that ever happened to me.  the second is them fronting the bill for my university education.  the privilege i have is extremely special and important and i want to honor their sacrifices because im sitting on a 100k because of decades of hard work and frugality on their ends.

im fucking lucky.

we gotta pass on the resources and uplift those around us if we are fortunate.  

...another rant altogether but i wish the leadership in the United States thought the same way. 

(end: 4:36am, why do i do this to myself)

[aph-2p-headcanons]

2P!Russia Boyfriend Headcanons

((okay ive gotten  shit ton of passive aggressive asks for him and china and romano they're cOmIng PatienNce ples. ))

hi hello is this thing on yes thaNK YOU WELCOME FOLKS

TO THE BRAGINSKY BOYSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS *eight grader airhorn

app*

okay it jus one boy

ur boi

;)))))))))

VIKTOR BRAGINSKY

wowie what a man

such a tol boi i mean are you short????

are you tall??

it doesn't matter

he;ll do it all

like i can see him in sweater vests and button ups and his lil scarf for some reason just with you on his shoulders mounting a paper plate on the wall because he's fucking weird as hecke

oKAY SORRY GETTING OFF TOPIC AGAIN

ALRIGHT

SO

YOU GOT A RUSSIAN BITCH BABY

he wont cry if you call him that dont worry he isn't a shark he'll just snark

WOO ON PAR WITH THE RHYMES TODAY I AM A RAP GODD KACHOW

he m e mes im so sorry,,,,,

like he's such a fucking dad it's never funny they're all from 2009 and you're probably cringing but he thinks its funny and he doesn't have a visible sense of humour so you chuckle and tell him that that cat in the ceiling is hilarious - "how did he get up there heh sillyy cat"    " :,<)) gee bab e i dunno aha h ahA" *scrapes teeth along cheese grater*

i havent even explained oh me oh m y

dearest apologies friends

viktor is seen by most as tall, dark, and mysterious (spoiler: he is),,,

i see him, also, as this , like, almost snobby quiet guy?? that was brought up sheltered from the outside world?? ya dig??

like

he doesn't suck a whole bunch, he's just inexperienced

he loves to read and write and is a pacifist ((so you could sayy,,,, he wanted to write, not fight,,,, ive already made three im so sorry))

so,,, he does not want to fight with you, eve r

but he will not hesitate to tell you if he doesn't like something you're doing - my dude doesn't have time for fuckery - unless it's meant to be fun - like,,, - he doesn't want to be mean, but he doesn't like that you are being mean, ya dig??????

anyway

so the dude is like Ivan, just harder??? like physically and emotionally

he's been very distanced from people his whole life, so he comes off as rather blunt, crude, and cold,,

m'bOI DOESNT WANT TO SCARE YOU OFF WITH HIS INTIMIDATING AURA;;;

HE WANTS UR LUV UR LUV IS HIS DRUG

im sorry it's not 2011 anymore someone drag me from this pit

he is like francois and kuro;;;;; he likes romanticism

he also likes quiet

so gentle, quiet dates at home are his favourite

he isn't one for social interaction,,,

but if you really wanna, then he will go !

he really likes ballet and opera and classy things

my dude will d r a g you to recitals and performances all the time

he's a theater nerd

HE'S LIKE THAT ONE DRAMA KID NO ONE EXPECTED

you can hear him humming to les mis while he reads and francois hating the room a little bit less because of it

i feel like he's actually so ripped but if his skin touched sunlight he would be banished to sibera - welcome home comrade

he likes,, soft - if you have a soft body he has a new pillow and a lead head - rip @ur thighs they are asleep

he and francois go to poetry slams often and he wants you to come too so he knows someone

he will lift you

unexpectedly

anywhere

if you are in the way you're on the ceiling now bye like,,, you are i n the spot he needs to vaccuum at that exact second right then all the time what the hecke he just mopped and you're s t an di n g i n th e f ll oor with your s OCKs

yOU were just in the Ga Ra ge you H e ck  Er

you're on the chandelier now

no you're not he needs to dust up there get down what the fuck e Swifter no Sweeping™ !!

he is ur mom and ur dad

did u do ur laundry?????????????? no?????????????? good he already did like seven weeks ago catch the fuck up "honey where are the ??? bills???" "i did them approximately eighteen billion years ago? get on my level?"

he speaks to you *and only you* in a friendly joking way

he speaks fluent sarcasm to everyone - if you aren't familiar with the language you will be the first day into the relationship

t o u c h this boy he needs your touch like he needs a  i  r

he will most likely complain but he is a dirty liar

the dude's hair is messy 24/7 but it looks  so,,, good,,,,

he's an early riser but hates waking up which is The Worst™ - he's got breakfast ready at 3AM tho

read to him! he will Die

if you know russian he will never speak english to you again it's settled -if you don't you will never speak english again it's settled, he's teaching boy howdy would he be a sexy teacher holy fuck

i feel like his ass is so firm it could crush coconuts between its cheeks - its its own entity

he unfortunately is good friends with Zao and is unfortunately dragged on unfortunate events all the time, unfortunately,,, - save him - he is a cry for help

he goes on trips a lot and no on knows why? like sometimes he's gone and then he's back and everyone is like????? where go?? - "i was in wales. doing things." "hey sorry im late i didnt want to come"

he sometimes calls you in the middle of the night when he wakes up from a nightmare, but most of the time if you dont answer he'll just listen to your voicemail so he knows you're still there

aAAAAAAA WHAT A SALTY BEAN

he gives a good ol' massage - not the most empathetic but he isn't apathetic either, he just isn't the best comforter

i feel like he is vladimir putin and leisurely rides bears with matt

i dont understand him at all like he will be crying in his bathtub, bottle of whiskey and pure vodka mixed, watching Barbie in the Pink Shoes one second and on top of the empire state building with three pitbull bodyguards and a Gucci cigar - i don't eventhink those exist but he has one??? he doesn't even smoke that often??

looks super cute baking muffins in a pink apron at 4pm on a Tuesday

looks super cute gutting a fish on a rock in the siberian tundra at 4am on a Thursday

he always wears longsleeves but looks SO GOOD in short sleeves or tanks like FUCK

his sweaters hide his secrets but you can wear them so you know he used to want to be a cowboy when he was seven and b o u g h t a wax replica of indiana jones for his collection

he looks so damn good in a suit holy shit

i feel like he's a tailor but only for dolls, its cute - he will make you origami things all the time idk why he is so good at them tho

he'll wrap the two of you in a blanket burrito on a hot day and refuse to let go "get off my lawn"

youre dating a grandpa

he is kinda a sugar daddy tho, but he's reserved and doesn't wave it because he is an Adult McGrownUp

actually is probably a traffic conductor in his spare time, but only in andorra? on the weekends? that's probably where he actually is

viktor lOves tobe called vitya and its probably as good as a daddy kink

clevverr, clevverrr boi

hs is a Good Boi i promise

will be ur angle or ur dev i l tho ;))

just ask and he's urs

VIKTOR BRAGINSKY FOLKS

#2p russia #aph russia #aph #hetalia #2p #2p hetalia #aph 2p #2p headcanons #headcanons #boyfriend headcanons #aph headcanons #hetalia headcanons

[spotted-demonp0n3]

Bits and Not Bits:

Preface: I was having fun watching horsey vids on the TubeYou and literally every video I watched had a "bits vs no bits" type of fight. Which got me thinking about bits and the types I use and dont use anymore, the ones you find in my tack room, and the ones I'm interested in trying. Also, I wanted to give a condensed version of my history with bits: up until I was 14 (so young, so naive) bits were evil, 100%, cant change my mind. Hackamores or halters or GTFO. So in keeping with the condensed soup version, I learned bits are not evil, bitless can cause just as much damage, learn to ride and you won't hurt your horse.

The Bit-Bits:

FULL CHEEK SNAFFLE

When the Spotted Demon Pony and I trained in the Appalachians our trainer had us use a simple Full-Cheek Snaffle (this where I where I learned to stop worrying and love the bit). I liked that it gives me that extra pull when turning. I dont use this one like I use to, because of the next but I found, but first let me talk about...

D RING FRENCH LINK:

I liked the mouth piece, the French Link part, more than I like the D-Rings. I think they look nice and dont pinch like a loose O-Ring, but I wasnt ever in love with them.

I wished I could combine the big moving O-rings with the non-pinching full cheek with a French link mouth piece, oh wait...

FULMER FRENCH LINK

Oh look! I was so excited when I found this existed, this Frankenstein of convenience. It gives me that gentle but firm stopping power I needed, along with ability to turn off and on the forehand like I needed. This is probably my favorite bit 💕

TOM THUMB

I feel like this is gonna give me the most hell. How I got started with this bit was sort accidentally, bought a whole bunch of tack and this was in with. So I experimented one day after having a hell of a time with Spotted Demon Pony being a Spotted Butt-Butt at our new barn. So I used this. Using it helped me develop a softer hand and him to respond better on his neck reining. This another bit I haven't used in a long time, but you'll find in my tack room.

KIMBERWICK

My favorite thing about this bit is its versatility. I can change the severity of leverage (depending on Spotted Demon Pony's mood) or I can even use it as a D-Ring. Mostly I've used this one for jumping cause my boy can get a little heavy right before lift off and right after landing. So with my riding style, I can be softer in hand and the small pressure I give signals enough for him to slow TF down. I've used it on occasion for trail, but its definitely not my go to trail bit.

PELHAM

This is another bit I got in a tack haul and had no idea what it was until (thank god) I pointed it out at a show barn I was working at and one of the ladies explained it to me. I literally thought it was a gaited horse bit so I hadn't used it.

Out of all the bits I own, this one is the one I probably use the least. I love the idea of it, instead of two bits having one, but I just dont have need or training to use it as much as I would like to say I would. And everytime I have used it, we've kept it super simple. Though I get a great working walk outta him.

HACKAMORE WITH TWISTED GAG BIT

I almost didn't put this one on the list cause it's my least favorite and I haven't used it in over a year, but it's one of the few bits I've used under suggestion from a trainer. And talk about needing soft hands! I used it when I was looking for something to help me regain control after my Spotted Demon Pony decides to bolt like a Spotted Bat Outta Hell, but I first used it when I forgot to pack my normal bit (at the time was my Tom Thumb) for trail I had never been on with people and horses I had never met. So, I decided to use it. Nothing bad happened and I got good response from him (again, them soft soft hands). I used it a couple more times when we trail road by ourselves (cause barn sour is a thing). It definitely got the point across of no means no.

GERMAN HACKAMORE

This. This right here. I dont know how I made it this far riding in this thing. For almost 2 years if I wasn't riding in a halter I was riding in this. Which sounds magical and wonderful that a 12-14yr old riding on her young stallion (for those unaware, Spotted Demon Pony was Spotted Stud Muffin til he was 15, and that was for medical reasons) but dear god we almost died so many times. I still have our o.g. hack along with a custom one but, for whatever reason I have the absolute worst time stopping him in this type of hack. Dunno. It's most likely my fault, but I switched it up.

'INDIAN BOSAL'

This is a weird one. So I dont have an actual picture of mine, which is custom made, but this is a decent idea of what it looks like. I have seen soooooo many of these on sites like Etsy and what not, and thought I would try it out. For the most part it worked pretty good, my only issue was when Spotted Demon Pony really wants to fight it it takes more effort than I am comfortable with to get him to listen. I still have it, cause you know. Custom tack. But I probably won't use it anytime soon.

ENGLISH HACKAMORE

So this is my current go to for riding right now. Been using this particular one for about a year now and I absolutely love it. I had expected it to be less powerful than the German (which it's supposed to be?) but have had so much better success with than anything else. I use it for trail, jumping, everything. I get great turning and stopping ability. Its probably Spotted Demon Pony's favorite. Plus I paid like $5 for it.

In conclusion: I have used a lot of bits, including a few not mentioned here, have found, for my particular (and peculiar) pony I have have found his bipolar spotted ass may need a different bit for different occasions. I love my English hack, but sometimes he can be too strong (or too much of a Spotted Butt-butt) that for both of our safeties I need something a little stronger to get the message across. I'm not a professional trainer, this is just me talking about my horse.

Lookout for a mini-follow up showing him wearing some or all of these bits and hacks.

#spotteddemonpony #spotted butt butt #spots #appaloosalove #appaloosa #bits #hacks #hackamore #trailride #trail ride #trail riding #trail #dressage #jumping #cross country jumping #western tack #western #maxwell #maxwell is a dork #horse #horse tack #hearthorse #heartappaloosa #poa