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minkyungseokie · 20 days

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第一章| Getting the Job

warnings; age gap love(R: 23, S:39, T: 50), gxg, throuple, controversial age gaps, random German and Scottish pet names,

note; first chapter! Idk how many chapters this’ll have. I know it’ll include moodboards, smaus, blurbs, and specials that you guys can request!

note2; I don't really like Bianca, so she won't be appearing a lot in this series. I don't hate her, but I don't like her either. If you have an issue, don't complain, just stop reading ❤️

Taglist is open, but only for 19 more people

note3; I decided to give her cochlear implants because I want too. She’s deaf now

fc; imleslie(on a Chinese Instagram app called Xiaohongshu)

Come Talk to Me | Driven by Destiny Masterlist

Autosports Masterlist | Main Masterlist | Toto Masterlist

I do not give anyone permission to change, copy, or put my work on any other platform. It will only be on top, so if you see it, please report it. Or let me know.

Susie huffed, looking down at the sheer amount of paperwork she had on her desk. She wanted to grab a bite to eat, but she had so much to do and she needed a lot more help than what the employees around her can provide. She pulled out her phone and texted her husband, Toto, for some advice. She was a strong independent woman, but even strong independent women need a bit of advice from their spouses sometimes.

And what she got from him was beyond helpful.

A personal assistant.

She was going to hire a personal assistant to help her around the Academy. The list of requirements wasn't long, but it was specific and the requirements that were listed were important for the assistant to have or they wouldn't work well together. Susie typed out the application furiously, making sure that all her requirements were stated clearly and made sure that whoever was filling out the application knew what they were getting into. She made sure they knew what they would be doing, an estimate about the schedule, and what she expected of whoever applied.

Susie finished up and posted it to the F1 Academy website. She also made a Instagram post about it that was a joint post with the official F1 account and the FIA account. With a sigh and a satisfied smile, Susie closed her laptop and put it in her bag.

Now all she had to do was wait for the applications to roll in. She didn’t expect too many since a lot of people were only interested in watching F1 or were, since the fans were mostly men, protesting against the F1 Academy.

Y/n looked at the link that her sister, Rachel, had sent her. Y/n had told her that she needed a new job after finishing college and Rachel had sent her a bunch of applications to different jobs. They were all just random jobs she had found on the internet, which led to where she was now.

She was staring at an application to be a personal assistant to some billionaire's wife who was the leader of some academy for girls who like driving glorified go-karts. It paid more than any of the other jobs that Rachel had sent applications for. Y/n mumbled on her thumbnail, pondering whether she should aim high and apply for the PA job or should she just go for what she knows that she would be able to get.

Y/n was deep in thought when she was startled by the loud sound of her FaceTime ringtone, which happened to be one the songs from her brother's group. "Ah, shit!" Y/n yelled, nearly falling out of her chair, "Who the fuck?!" The dark haired girl growled, grabbing the phone off the table. "Hello?" Y/n answered, "Hey, Y/n. What are you up to?" The deep voice of her younger brother exited the phone as she set it up so he could see her.

"Ah, baby brother! How are you? Loving the new comeback." Y/n said, standing up to grab a bottle of water from her fridge. "I'm great. The comeback has been good so far. Have you heard the entire album?" Felix asked, "Yeah, of course." Y/n answered, sitting at the table once more. The two of them sat and talked about her brother's most recent comeback before the conversation turned to her.

"So, what've you been up to?" Felix asked, shoving what seemed like a chip into his mouth, "When did you get those?" Y/n questioned, pointing to the box of fried potato sticks. "Ah, Chan bright them to me a bit ago." Felix answered, shoving another one in his mouth, "Well, I was thinking..."

"Uh oh."

"Shut up, Lix. Anyway, I was thinking that now I finished University, I should get a new job. One that fits my expertise better, you know? So I asked Rach to help and she sent me some applications she found online..." Y/n said, looking at the open webpage. "Yeah?" Felix spoke, urging her to continue her words, "She sent me one for some F1 Academy. It pays well and I fit the requirements, but..."

"But what?" Felix urged, "I don't know what the F1 academy is and it's in Monaco." Y/n sighed. "Where's that?" Felix questioned, "It's, like, right beside Italy, I think." Y/n answered, "Okay, so what's the issue? It sounds like a good opportunity." Felix said. "I don't want to move away from our parents and sisters." Y/n set her head on her hand, using it as a way to keep her head up, "I don't think mum and dad would want you to hold back for them. Neither would Rachel and Olivia. They would want you to go. They wanted me to go." Felix spoke up.

"Felix, that's because it was your dream. Your dream was to be an idol, so of course they weren't going to hold you back from doing it." Y/n groaned. "Y/n it doesn't matter whether it's your dream or not. It's a better job opportunity for you until you're able to start modeling the way you want." Felix suggested.

Y/n thought about it. It would be nice to make money until she finds a modeling agency that wants to sign her because waiting around for something to happen won't make her any money. She needed to pay rent and keep herself fed, plus, from what she researched about Monaco, they did not collect personal income tax or capital gains taxes. There were no property taxes in Monaco, but rental properties were taxed at 1% of the annual rent plus other applicable charges.

Monaco sounded like a dream. She really didn't think that places like that existed, but knowing that she'd keep every penny of her hard earned money sealed the deal. Y/n applied for the PA position and closed her laptop, "Okay, now to wait." Y/n let out a breath as she looked around her house.

There was no way she wouldn’t be getting the job. She was once an extremely popular Formula Two driver before she ended up quitting. She had met the likes of so many old Formula One drivers who were excited to see her race alongside them when she was ready, but she unfortunately couldn’t continue due to her mother not having enough money for her to have a seat and unfortunately no sponsers wanted to sponsor her.

Y/n stood up and threw her water bottle away. She hadn’t kept up with Formula One since she had left Formula Two and she was kind of curious how her friends from karting and F2 were doing. They were obviously doing better than her since they refused to keep in contact with her, but it’s alright. She could barely remember anything about them anyway so it didn’t matter. It did when she was younger though.

After she left and they stopped talking to her, she felt like everything was falling apart for her. She was living in the UK at the time, but decided to come back to Australia to be near her half siblings and step mother and start her career in modeling or something in the industry. Of course, her plans to model next to the likes of the Hadid sisters or other popular models, had fallen through and she had only become famous as the half sister of Felix Yongbok Lee, the freckled cutie with a deep voice of the famous Korean pop group, Stray Kids.

Y/n pulled out her phone and ordered some food, hoping that it wasn't a bad decision to put in only one application for a job that might be out of reach for her.

Oh well.

It had been a week since Y/n had sent in the application and she had been waiting for the call back. She was sitting on her couch, staring at the large flat screen TV that was playing a Sidemen Reacts video that popped up on her feed while shoveling hwachae* into her mouth when the sound of another song from her brother's band rang through the air. Y/n picked up her phone with the spoon hanging from her lips and looked at the screen.

It was an unknown number. Y/n didn't usually answer the calls of numbers she didn't know, but something within her told her to answer it, so she did. After pausing the video, Y/n hit the green button on the screen and put the up to her ear, "Uh, hello?" Y/n answered, accent thick. "Uh, hello. Is this Miss Y/n L/n?" A sweet feminine voice that was paired with a Scottish accent, asked, "Uhm, yes. This is her. How may I help you?" Y/n asked, setting the bowl onto the table and sitting up straight. "Yes, this is about the application you put in for the PA position at the Formula One Academy." The woman said.

Y/n sat there for a hot minute before her eyes widened, "Oh! Yes, ma'am. What about it?" Y/n asked, "I wanted to call and let you know that we are interested in having you in the position, but first we need to schedule an interview. Is there a specific time that you're available?" The woman asked.

"Uh, I'm currently living in Australia and not moving to Monaco until a next month." Y/n said. Truthfully, she didn't want to being that up, but she knew that it would be suspicious if she scheduled the meeting so far away. She knew that the fact she was living in Australia could possibly ruin her chances of securing such a good job, but she just didn't have it in her to lie to the very sweet sounding woman.

"Okay, um, I'll be right back. Hang on tight." The lady said, "Okay, ma'am." Y/n said. Once the woman put her on hold, Y/n put the phone on speaker, muted herself, and continued to watch her video until she heard something from the woman on the other line.

"Uh, hello?" The woman's voice spoke up. Y/n paused her video and quickly unmuted herself, "I'm here." Y/n spoke up. "Okay, so, we usually wouldn't do this, but we really think you'd be a good fit for the position, so I'll tell you what. Save this number. My name is Susie Wolff. Once you're moved into Monaco and finally settled down, give me a call." The woman, Susie, said. "Okay, thank you, Mrs. Wolff. I'll call you once I'm in Monaco." Y/n said, "Alright. See you then. Bye." Susie said before hanging up.

Y/n looked down at her phone with wide eyes before jumping up and onto her couch with a large smile, "I got it! I got it!" Y/n cheered loudly, jumping up and down as if she was a child on a super bouncy bed. "Holy shit, I have to let Felix know." Y/n said, jumping down from the couch and grabbing her phone, which fell out of her hand after she jumped up onto the couch. Instead of calling him, she texted him since she never knew his schedule.

누나- Noona? 아, 누구세요?- Oh? Who are you? 현진- Hyunjin 릭시에게 전화기 좀 주실래요?- Can you give Lixie the phone please

⋘ 𝑙𝑜𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑎𝑡𝑎… ⋙

Y/n quickly went to the room that held the boxes that she would use to pack away her things and smiled. It was never too early to begin packing.

Susie cheered. She had finally found the person she was looking for after a week. She was super lucky that she had decided to continue searching through the online applications rather than giving up on looking at the mediocre applications and deciding to hold a hiring fair or something.

Not only was Y/n L/n the most perfect candidate for the PA position, but she had the most relaxing and attractive voice Susie had ever heard other than her husband's.

Susie cleared her throat and looked at the work she had on her computer. She had never been as excited as she was now other than the time when she found out she was pregnant, had Jack, and started the Academy. Okay, she had been this excited before, but this is different. She can tell that she was going to be good friends with Y/n and shoe couldn't wait to work with the younger woman.

This was going to be fun

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@evie-119 @exotic-iris13 @alliwantisadonut @cheyxfu @xoscar03 @sunnylikesfrogs

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finn-writes-stuff · 6 months

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Jack of All Trades (pt 2)

A follow-up to -this- post, with the rest of the party. The Original Request: Hello. If you're willing and have the time, I jumbly request a TLOVM headcannon for the team having an s/o who steals their weapons and tries to figure out to use them. What would their reactions be and would they/how would they teach them to use the weapons?

Percy, Vax, Scanlan & Grog x Reader

Fandom: The Legend of Vox Machina/ Critical Role

Format: Headcanons

Gender Neutral Reader

Masterlist

Some credit to my lovely partner for giving me accurate info about their specific weapons. As well as a discussion on whether or not you can say Percy or Orthax invented Guns. -Finn

Percy

With anyone else in the party, there's a good chance you may have used a weapon like theirs before. But not Percy and his guns. These are his own inventions, new to Tal'Dorei completely.

They are also powered by exploding gunpowder. He is a little bit worried about letting you handle them.

Hearing a gunshot when he isn't causing it is a deep cause of concern for him, please don't steal his guns, just ask.

Percy will absolutely teach you! It's a chance to have his arms around you as he steadies your aim and stance.

He's a very...specific teacher. You have to make sure he doesn't get too wrapped up in the fine details. Keep him on track with how to shoot and he won't get way into the actual mechanics of the hammer of the gun.

Let him watch you shoot after you get the hang of it. He'll start to understand why you like watching him so much.

Vax

This man owns so many knives. He has a full-out collection of daggers. Hugging him is a dangerous prospect because you never know where one is hiding.

And with all the different daggers, it can't be that hard to steal one or two of them. How could he even notice?

Stealing them proves to be surprisingly hard. He doesn't store many of them, they always seem to be on his person.

But once you manage it, it's quite a lot of fun to handle a truly well-made dagger. In a fantasy world like this, every adventurer has held a dagger, but Vax turns it into an art and his tools reflect that.

They are also insanely sharp. Don't get too cocky with them.

He swipes them out of your hands when he finds you with them, and it's obvious just how experienced he is with handling knives. He can twist and spin them without a glance or a nick.

"Well, well, someone's got sticky fingers, hey love?"

He'll teach you how to throw them accurately and how to spin them without hitting your fingers. He will also tease you while you practice before you get the hang of it.

Scanlan

Scanlan doesn't particularly use a weapon! He's fairly strictly a spellcaster.

That being said, his instruments are likely the next best thing, particularly his lute. And that is his baby, best of luck stealing it.

If you ask him, he'll let you play it and he'll teach you during downtime. He will also serenade you for demonstrations.

He'll be annoyed if you take it without asking though. His music is a source of safety for him as much as a source of joy.

Let him teach you songs around the fire at night and serenade him in return. He won't stop smiling for ages.

Grog

Grog has had some...questionable weapons. Perhaps don't borrow Craven's Edge.

But borrowing his axe or his gauntlets is a world of fun. Even if they might not be well weighted for anyone who isn't as strong as he is.

You will quickly realize how much work goes into swinging his axe and it puts his effortless attacks into a very different light for you.

Grog laughs out loud when he sees you using his weapons, but it's full of fondness and affection.

Even if he isn't exactly academically clever, this is his skill set, he knows how to fight and he does it well. So he's a really good teacher as he corrects your stance and grip.

His teaching method also includes encouraging you to just swing at him, so you'll need a bit of courage and faith that you won't hurt him.

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russellsppttemplates · 5 months

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From the start, it was you (George Russell)

The heart doesn't seem to choose by team colours

Note: english is not my first language. This is the first driver!reader I've ever written, so I hope I've done a good job. Also, I did not plan to post this piece specifically now, but seems fitting with the whole shitshow that has been going on the past couple of days. Also, this is a plot I've seen written a lot, so I know there are many other pieces that are way better, and hopefully my take on it isn't too bad!

Thank you so much to everyone who likes and reblogs, your feedback is appreciated 🤍 and I'm taking requests so if you have any ideas or concepts you want to share, feel free to do so as I'll try to get to them the best I can!

my masterlist

Tw: race collision, medical exams, curse words, gender inequality comments

Tag list: @myloverjk-blog

Your purple race suit made you stand out amongst all of the other kids as you walked back from the podium, proudly smiling at your trophy, "Y/N! We're here!", you heard your father as he waved so you'd know where they stood, "congratulations, darling! That was an impressive overtake you did there in the last lap!", he praised, scratching your head before placing a kiss there, "I was trying to get first, but I couldn't get it", you admitted it, looking sideways at the boy who you couldn't take the first place from.

George Russell was a tall boy, same age as you, so you often raced against eachother. While you had become friends with some of the other kids, Russell wasn't one of them. It began when you tried to congratulate him for his P3 a few years ago, stretching your hand out politely, a smile on your face as he turned his back to you, mumbling something as he walked towards his parents. So, you weren't the best of friends if anyone asked.

"Y/N, darling, go stand next to the boys so I can take a picture of you! It will be such a good memory for when you're older!", your mother said excitedly, making you, George and the boy that finished his race behind you on each of your sides, smiling at the camera and hoping it would be as quick as possible, not wanting to stand next to him for a second longer than you should.

"I have your media day schedules here", Mary said as she handed you and Oscar your respective schedules, "Y/N, you're going to get interviewed with Charles, Yuki, George and Fernando", she stated as she then moved on to Oscar, explaing a few things to him since he was going first.

"And Y/N, while you're in there, try not to kill George, even with your eyes, okay?", she advised, tapping your shoulder softly as you looked at her sideways, "last time you were both in the same panel, you managed to be out of qualifying", she nodded, "only because our car wasn't that reliable, and we all know how theirs is", you pointed out, smiling sweetly and hoping to get on her side, "you're lucky you don't annoy me too much, Y/N", she smiled back.

The team had made many improvements to the car, granting you and Oscar the possibility to aim for higher places on the grid, and since you were a nerd about all things engineering, too, you loved when you were asked about the topic. But lately, the questions about the car seemed to get asked to your teammate Oscar, leaving the excuse that "the journalists already have the information they need", and because they didn't want to be accused of not asking you questions like it had happened before, it seemed to divert to other topics.

"Y/N, here", one of the journalists waved, grabbing your attention, "With the recent events and new propositions from the F1 Academy, do you think the sport is going to suffer from having a bigger opportunity that's being given to women in motorsport?", your heard him say, making your blood boil.

Despite the constant raised awareness for gender discrimination and discrimination in motorsport, especially in the last couple of years, some people still had it pretty engraved in their system, and while sometimes it came out looking a little bit more subtle, this one didn't even bother to soften the edges.

You'd be lying if you said this was the first time you heard these comments directed at you, or that you thought it would be the last, no matter how much you wished some sort of disciplinary measure was taken, "I woul-", you began before you heard a loud clash on the floor and felt water on your legs. The trousers you were wearing were soaked around your thighs and knees as George got up to grab the bottle that belonged to him, "I'm so sorry, Y/N", he apoligised as he put the lid back on, "I think it's best if we call it a day, hm? The next group needs to have this cleaned before they come in here", the Mercedes driver said as everyone seemed to agree and get up, bidding goodbye as Charles and George stayed until the end.

"Careful, don't slip", the monegasque driver said, making sure you wouldn't fall and walking out of the room with you, "figures the guy wouldn't even be here to check if everything's fine", you muttered as Charles chuckled, "you two really are like the cat and the mouse".

"He's not even here! He just flew off to his fancy room to delight in the joy of making fun of me", you grumbled, bidding goodbye to Charles as you found yourself by the entrance of Ferrari.

Walking the distance to meet your team, Mary was the first to get you, "I'm sorry they asked that", she said, "it's a good thing Russell spilled his drink", she teased, knowing you wouldn't want to dwell on the comments for long. It hardly solved the problem and you'd look into it in the team meeting when the time called for it, "promise you won't take him out in the race?".

Laughingly at her assumption and the fact that she had managed to pull you out of your misery as you walked to you driver's room, "don't worry, and tell the guys downstairs to now worry either, they're not going to have to build me a new car either", you flashed a smile before closing the door, changing into another pair of trousers you had brought with you.

"You're starting P4, Y/N", your race engineer said over the radio, "we are going to give it our all to support you and help you".

"And I'm going to drive the beat I can for you guys. Today, we get orange flying around and its going to be because of the Papaya team", you smiled under your helmet, "Oscar is P6, so I think we can even aim for a Podium, depends on how things go", you said.

As soon as the lights went out, you reacted quickly and passed the car that had been sitting next to yours, your race engineer confirming your third place and giving you a run down of all the grid changes.

"Do us proud, you're doing well, good pace", you heard on your speakers. You were enjoying the drive, analysing the data without team and looking for the right opportunity to overtake Charles, "go after the next turn, Y/N. Charles' tyres are not looking so good, so we think you have the upper hand there. George's car seems to be having some issues, too, he won't go after you", the pit wall channeled in your radio.

You looked in your mirrors as you were about to make the overtake, having patiently waited to reach the specific turn and going with it, confident that you would be able to overtake the red car.

A fraction of a second, you would always say, was game changing in Formula One. A decision to overtake or stay back, to accept the call to the pits or a new strategy, sometimes all it took was less than a second. And it also took less than a second for your car to start spinning, making you remove your hands from your steering wheel and brace yourself for the collision that would soon enough happen.

The impact wasn't as hard as you had expected, having felt most of it in your hips and shoulders. Groaning, you opened your eyes to see the damage, hearing "Y/N, can you tell us if you are okay?" over the radio.

Pressing the button, you heard the equipment's buzz, "I'm okay. I'm sorry about the car, guys", you gulped, adjusting yourself, "another car tapped me, right? Are they okay?", you asked, "George's fine from what we've heard".

After the marshalls confirmed you were free to go with the medical car to get checked over, you were back in the hospitality as the race continued, "doctor said I'll have some bruises, nothing too bad though", you gave them the report as you apoligised and thanked everyone on your side of the garage.

"Turns out they'll have to build you a new car after all", Mary offered as she hugged you, "if Russell had been more careful, this could've ended differently", you groaned.

"From what I've heard, he was trying a risky move and the car had an issue and locked up. He lost control of it and his front wing tapped your rear wheels just about enough to cause the crash", she explained, "it's not like he purposefully wanted to take you out", she reasoned.

"I know, it's just not ideal", you sighed, "we could both be in there". On the screen, Oscar was sitting P2, having successfully overtaken Charles a few laps in after the race resumed.

Even though George was far from your friend, you still wanted to check if he was okay, specially after seeing the impact the crash had on his car, too.

Walking to the Mercedes hospitality, a few people stopped you on your tracks briefly to express their relief on seeing you up and about and wishing you well before you found yourself by the glass doors.

"Is George here? I'd like to see if he's doing alright, but only if that's okay, I'm sure you're busy", you asked one of the media girls, Holly, recognising her from previous encounters.

"He's in his driver's room, yes, let me walk you there", she smiled, walking with you and knocking on the door, "George, may I come in?", she asked before he gave a positive answer, "Y/N is here, she wanted to talk to you", she stated, backing up so you could be seen, "yes, that's alright", the tall man said as Holly held out her arm, gesturing you to walk inside the room as she closed the door behind her, most likely going back to work on the race content.

"Hey", you waved awkwardly, "I don't have any other way to contact you, and asking your team how you were didn't seem... right? So, yeah, I came here", you gulped, suddenly feeling a weird pressure to act properly, whatever that meant.

"I'm good, barely got a scratch since I was able to stop the car before it hit the barriers", George explained, "and you? It looked pretty bad", he checked.

"I have some bruises, I think the adrenaline is slowing down now, so it's a bit painful, but nothing major", you clarified.

"The car had some issue and there was not way to control it, I just let it go because there wasn't anything I could do. I'm very glad you're okay", he half smiled as he looked at you.

In all the years you've known him and interacted with him, there had never been a time where he was this relaxed and smiley around you, not even when he had overtaken you in the last lap of the race. And while it was new, it was also comfortable.

"Me too, it looked scarier than it felt, though", you offered as he grabbed his water bottle to take a sip from it, "Oh, close the lid properly on that one", you chuckled playfully, not imagining the backlash and reaction it would have.

The new and comfortable mood turned back to the old and expecting one.

"Do you really think I'm that clumsy to drop a bottle like that? I wanted to get us out of there, to get you out of there because they were asking sexist questions", he stated, "and I didn't do it because I thought you couldn't defend yourself, because you sure know how to stop your foot and put it down, but because they don't deserve your time like that. Hell, I wish you spent that little time with me instead!", George yelled out, not missing your shocked expression, "maybe there was a time that I didn't like how you just showed up and got things done, but in the end, it's not because it's you, or because you're a woman. I wanted to be the one to show up and get things done, because I admire you so much", he gulped.

"So you're saying it's my fault that I've been labelled a bad sport because we constantly fight out there? That's why you've hated me?", your defensive side turned up, not dwelling on his kind words.

"I'm not saying it is either of our fault! I'm just trying to explain to you that I don't hate you like you think I do", he put his hands on his hips, walking around his room, "you might hate me, and that's fine, you know? I'm not going to be the one to tell you how you should feel, that's not how it works, but I have never hate you.

"I might've said I hated you when we were little, but that's because you probably stole my place on the podium, and even that was probably well deserved. I never thought I'd feel like this about you", he concluded.

"And what is it that you feel about me? Because I would like a warning should you want to beat me up to deal with all it is that you're feeling...?", you gestured to his stance. Was he saying he didn't hate you? Did he have other feelings that were actually in the happiness section of the emotion wheel and not near the anger section?

Chuckling, he approached you, "I have had feelings for you since we started driving in F2. At first I thought it was just the thrill of the competition and of having someone to challenge me, and when you got the Mclaren seat, I was so happy that you'd be racing against me", he further offered, "I don't know when it came out that we hated eachother, and when you didn't seem to feel otherwise, I tried to hate you, or at least dislike you, and it wasn't working, so I just let it go however it went, and it's led me here. And I'm being honest with you, so laugh all you want, or deal with it however you want to", he raised his hands as he excused himself.

"George, I nerve said anything because I can't afford to say those things. How many rivalries have you seen in motorsport? So many, and many more that are not written in books and shown off in videos. And none of them have apoligies to offer, or rather, the very few that have done it, turned out okay. But if I was the one to talk about it? A female driver talking about how she cares that her colleagues and her have a good relation and that they don't hate eachother like the press wants people to believe?", you scoffed, "That's not on my books, that's not something I can consider.

"And I don't hate you, George. For Goodness' sake, I came here to see of you were alright. Any other person would've yelled that you ruined their race, but I understand that there are things we can't control and shit like this happens. It sucks, but that's how it is. Like Charles says all the time, 'sometimes it's like this'", you giggled, "I actually think you're a pretty decent guy", you blushed.

Over the years, the bickering had only spurred you on even more, and maybe it wasn't just the thrill of seeing him so on edge that made you continue to do so.

"So you're saying you've never hated me?",

George said as he offered you his chair to sit down as he prepared tea for both of you, "Maybe I didn't like you so much when we did karting, but that was just because you were really tall and actually gave me fair competition", you winked.

#george russell imagine #george russell x reader #george russell fluff #george russell fanfic #f1 x reader #f1 imagine #f1 fanfic

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a-rat-who-writes · 9 months

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Cove's Alphabet NSFW

This includes NSFW ideas of what Cove Holden is like during sex or after, please do not read if you are under the age of 18 <3 (Written by Rat #2) (added a few things since last posted)

A- Aftercare (What are they like): Very gentle, loves to pamper the other person, and greatly appreciates it when their partner gives them aftercare too, even if it is a simple spooning cuddle session or if it is bathing the other. He often tends to hold you close to his chest, threading his fingers through your hair as your breathing regulates, and gives you gentle forehead kisses.

B- Body Part (Their favorite of their own and yours): His favorite is his arms because he is confident in his strength when it comes to picking you up. He loves your legs, specifically your thighs, because they are a nice size for him to lay his head against when the two of you are relaxing or after everything is said and done.

C- Cum / Clothes After (Where they do it): He often pulls out if he doesn’t use a condom and cums purposefully on their stomach, their legs, or on a towel if available. After everything is said and done, he prefers to put on his underwear and shorts, lending you his shirt if it is oversized on you. He doesn’t mind if you have any clothes on after or even during the session, but he isn’t against you putting any or all of your clothes back on after. He purposely aims to keep you as comfortable as possible.

D- Dirty Secret (A dirty secret or a guilty pleasure during sex): He won’t ever admit it, but he secretly likes it when you talk dirty to him in public spaces when no one is paying attention or when anyone can’t hear. He also loves it when you give him neck kisses in public, which makes him instantly go red, stuttering out the ass.

E- Experience (How experienced are they): You both got together when he was 17 and you were 16. (For the sake of things, you can swap the ages if your birthday comes before his, which is November 2nd.) He previously had one girlfriend when he was in middle school, but it never went anywhere because he secretly had eyes for you the whole time and was too scared to admit it. You were the first person he was ever intimate with, which also allowed you to teach him things, though he had already researched a bit before doing anything with you. The first time you both ever did anything he was absolutely flustered out of his mind, stuttering the whole time and making sure you felt good as if he would die on the spot if you didn't.

F- Favorite Position: If it wasn’t obvious, he wasn’t very skilled in knowing about many different positions and how to properly do them, so he typically has you both in missionary. He loves it when you ride him, though because he gets a wonderful angle of you and he loves watching the way he's able to make you feel.

G- Goofy (Are they serious at the moment, goofy, nervous, etc.): Often he gets a bit carried away at the moment before realizing what he does, causing him to get flustered and making him ask, "Does this feel okay?". "Oh god, I didn’t hurt you, did I?" He tends to laugh a tiny bit whenever you do something more direct or dominant, such as wrapping your legs around his waist making him go silent for a moment before continuing.

H- Horny (How horny do they typically get and what is their desire to do things): Often, when he is off visiting his mom and you aren’t with him. at least one of the nights he will jerk off at the thought of you under him or you whispering in his ear. Something he will never admit is that one time when he called you at his mom's, he was touching himself and quickly ended the call before he finished. Something that makes him get lightheaded is when you drag your tongue along his neck or collarbone. (Bonus points if you kiss him after and where your tongue stopped, there is a trail of saliva dripping down the side).

I- Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantically, do they touch a lot, sensual?): He often doesn’t know what to do with himself physically because he gets very nervous and second-guesses himself, leaving you to help him figure out where to touch. After your third time having sex, he has the things that make you moan the loudest burned into his brain, making him instantly do whatever that is.

J- (Jack off, how often do they?): He wasn’t really one to touch himself before your relationship because he always thought it was disrespectful to think about you that way without knowing you also reciprocated the feeling. After you got together, he did it about once a week.

K- Kink (One or more of their kinks): He has a HUGE praise kink since he is a bit nervous. He loves hearing how good he makes you feel, and that is often almost enough for him to cum on the spot without you even touching him. He dislikes the thought of you being tied up or blindfolded, but he won’t object to it if you suggest he is.

L- Location (Favorite place to do it; where is it most often?): While living with his dad, he ALWAYS prefers to do it in his bedroom or your bedroom, but on the off chance that absolutely no one is around, he might do it on a kitchen table, a counter, or a couch. When he is living on his own, he will do it anywhere in his own place: kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living room, etc. Unless you beg him to do it in a public restroom, he always strays away from doing it somewhere in public.

M- Motivation (What turns them on): He instantly gets weak in the knees when you breathe along his neck or give him gentle kisses along his collarbone. He likes it when you are more direct in the beginning, such as by pushing him against a wall or whispering dirty things in his ear because it reassures him fully that you do want him.

N- NO (What is off-limits, or something they would not do during sex?): Choking: He WILL NOT purposely choke you unless you specifically guide him where to put his hands and how much pressure to apply. He is also against physically hurting you, like spanking. Despite this, he will toss you on the bed if you were being a tease to him earlier in the day.

O- Oral (How good are they? Do they prefer receiving or giving): He definitely likes it when you give him handjobs, blowjobs, etc. More often than not, though, he enjoys eating you out when you’re pressed against a wall. He likes watching how your legs give out with the way he flattens his tongue against you. Probably it is a 65:35 ratio of him eating you out and you giving him either of the jobs.

P- Pace/Physical (Are they fast and rough? How quickly? Do they like to bruise or give hickeys?) Since you are the first person he has ever been intimate with, he often finishes really quickly. He loves it when you give him hickeys anywhere on his body, but he purposely gives you hickeys on the lower part of your neck, where no one can see. (It’s like your little secret with him.)

Q- Quickie (How often and their opinions on this over proper sex): He definitely prefers proper sex in the bedroom or somewhere more comfortable where he can take his time and really make sure you’re satisfied, but if you request to do a quickie, he often won’t turn you down.

R- Risk (Are they willing to do it with others around?): When it was earlier in your guy’s relationship, he was 100% against doing it when his dad or your friends could hear, but over time, as you guys learn about each other's bodies, he will do quickies in another room quietly. Later, when you guys are alone, he will give you what you deserve.

S- Stamina (How many rounds and how long are the rounds): He is pretty average when it comes to stamina, usually 2 or 3 rounds, unless you eg him on for another or if you edge him into another.

T- Toy (Do they own some or use it on themselves or their partner): He isn’t the biggest fan of toys, and he would prefer to be touched by you or to touch you. If you request toys, he isn’t against using them on you, but again, he doesn’t like using them on himself unless he is alone and you can’t satisfy him yourself.

U- Unfair (How much they like to tease or get teased): He won’t ever admit it, but he does love it when you tease him. He finds it super attractive when you know the little things that turn him on. Only when you begin teasing him will he lightly tease you back, but it often blows up in his face with you teasing him even more.

V- Volume (How loud are they and what sounds do they make): When there aren't any risk factors, he will get very loud, whining, and breathy groaning. When he gets carried away, he often cries out, repeating your name multiple times. He absolutely loves hearing your voice, so he aims to make you feel as good as he can. (Bonus points if you say his name when you finish, which often makes him cum on the spot regardless if you are touching him.)

W- Whispering (Do they like to keep you quiet or themselves or go all out): He often is quiet during a quickie, where he only grunts and gives quiet praises such as "Yeah" or "Just like that". When it is you guys alone, I’ve said it multiple times, he gets very loud and is a little puppy dog for you, whining and gasping for breath.

X- X-Rated (Do they watch porn to get off, or watch movies while you do it?): When he hasn’t seen you in a while, he will listen to audio that sounds similar to your voice, but he doesn’t often watch porn. When having sex, he will often put on some sort of low sound in the background, so it muffles the sound of your guy's voice from outside the room. Sometimes, when you go on date nights in the house, he will put on an X-rated movie to get you two going.

Y- Yearning (How much do they do it with you?): He generally can go 1-2 weeks without any sexual touching, but after that, he craves you. He will regularly have sex with you 1-3 times a week, with the occasional quickie thrown in the mix.

Z- Zzz (How quickly do they fall asleep?): He often gets flooded with emotions before, during, and even after everything is all said and done, so he gets tired very easily, which leaves you to give him aftercare. He will make sure, though, that after every session he reassures you of how well you did or gives you some sort of pampering before resting. This is the time when he gives you the most softest kisses in the world and presses his hands against you like you're silk.

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xxspirit · 2 months

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Hello, my name is Moon. And I'm asking you to spread the word of KOSA (Kids online 'safety' act) an awful, deceiving bill that will censor you, me, minors, and adults online alike.

How the bill works will cause social media to change in a horrible way. It will make it to where you must upload your ID publicly to prove you're old enough to view 'explicit' content.

In reality, that content is LGBTQ+ resources for abuse victims, resources for abortion, resources for Palestinians, resources for sex ED, and more.

It will censor us, destory fanfiction, WHATS NEXT? Uploading private messages? Putting your IP in public?

It will end Tumblr, Fanfics, privacy.

PLEASE HELP END IT! Speak out! Stop them, reblog as much as possible! #EndKosa

Hi, I appreciate you for helping to stop KOSA and helping people understand what KOSA is, and I agree with you that KOSA is terrible.

BUT we need to take a step back, and calm down. I know lots of people are freaking out about this act right now, I am too. But I think a lot of the chaos behind it is because of misinformation as well, specifically about the whole IDs.

Just a warning v

I want to clarify to anyone if they are just skimming past my words that I am NOT ADVOCATING FOR KOSA, I hate KOSA, this act is definitely not to defend minors from the internet but instead HARM them even more as well as EVERYONE ELSE. I just think we are causing a lot of panic and chaos because of misinformation.

I just want to help calm people down, I tried to do my own research and tried to fact-check myself to make sure what Im saying is true, but if you know I said something wrong please let me know and I am so sorry if I misspoke, I will correct myself as soon as possible. 🙏

KOSA DOESNT REQUIRE A PERSONAL ID: I did my own research about the need of uploading a personal ID, but this doesn’t seem to be true. I will be reblogging a few things today that I found, and also this website for my evidence:

KOSA still needs to go through congress, and then the President. Although it may or already have passed through the Senate sadly, there is still another chance. So keep up with the rallying and keep giving attention to KOSA about how stupid it is! WE CAN STILL STOP KOSA!!! DO NOT GIVE UP!!

Even IF KOSA does pass… it will take MONTHS for the act to go into action. I found this screenshot from another person, I’ll be reblogging their post after this one:

It will take a ONE YEAR and SIX MONTHS(A YEAR AND A HALF)before KOSA actually starts being implemented. In that time, we can think of what to do, migrate if we have to, or whatever.

Also- know this doesn’t help tumblr but I also saw on another post which ill reblog, that potentially Ao3 won’t be affected, which may be nice for some of you to know.

Here’s a petition I found, I recommend signing it!

It is so awesome to see the community work together to help stop KOSA, but let’s make sure to be checking our sources and try not to spread things that don’t seem to be accurate! 🙏

Stay safe guys, and stay strong 💪

#I know this isn’t stuff I usually post #but I have been mentioned a lot in stuff related to this #and honestly KOSA has had me really stressed out and worried and I know many are in the same boat as me #but I’ve also been seeing other lovely people clarify some of the main things that had me freaked out #and I figured I could also help spread it to help calm others down too #stop kosa #anti kosa #kosa

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tetsunabouquet · 10 months

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Ruby Gillman and what its reception showcases what's wrong with children's media today

Here is the link to the specific reblog that contains both a production fantheory about Chelsea and my initial review for anyone interested in that: https://www.tumblr.com/tetsunabouquet/722833498719879168/alright-considering-the-massive-heat-of-the-past?source=share Alright, as an aspiring children's author and as someone studying writing classes with children's literature as the particular focus, I have made a couple of posts about my issues with children's media already, or rather, the problems with the people making and critqueing it. Ruby Gillman's reception, like the reviews from critics and people who dislike the movie alike, actually showcases multiple examples of what makes so many movies/shows aimed at children or the family, poor nowadays: Ruby has been critiqued for being 'too cute', and that they should just 'embrace the monster'. Only this doesn't work when young children are also part of the target demographic. There's a reason to why bad guys are written to be ugly, and why good guys are written to be good looking: It's that the brain of the average child isn't developped enough to understand nuance. The younger the child, the more you have to REMOVE nuance. That's also why, when Queen Nerissa/Chelsea becomes all-powerful, she becomes ugly. It's because she's the bad guy in that moment. It's why she lacks a sympathetic backstory, as we see with a lot of villains nowadays. It's because, again, the more nuance there is to the character, the less a child will actually understand the character. It's why the Gillmans claim they're from Canada: because I've seen enough of American media to know Canadians are practically treated like another species. To a child, this explanation would actually somewhat work, especially to a 6 year old or younger The adults screaming about that and how anyone can see Ruby isn't human are thinking too much like adults. They don't try to see it from a child's perspective, and that's the main core to all the problems behind children's media nowadays: They don't 'dumb' themselves down enough to the perspective of a young child. When watching the movie, I definitely felt like the Gillman family was also close to its ideal target demographic: families with daughters ranged between 10-13 and younger siblings of about 5+ years old. And it did well for a movie aimed at such a group. It lacked enough nuance for young kids to understand, and the theme of womanhood would speak to pre-adolescent girls. Also, the way the media keeps comparing this to Turning Red because they were both magical metaphors for womanhood and female puberty and speaks of the generations of womanhood is annoying. Are you telling me that with the shitload of movies that America produce per year alone, they never produced 2 animated movies dealing with coming of age and manhood in the span of 16 months? This speaks once again, of how men have difficulty relating to female struggles and will hate on a movie centering girls growing up, opposed to how women have little to no difficulty symphatizing and relating to movies of boys growing up. Boys only want male protagonists, whilst we women can care less. The moment we get even more then one animated movie dealing with the idea of female puberty in the span of two years, the press immediately descends to pit one movie against another. Oh my god, imagine being that pathetic. That wouldn't be me.

#ruby gilman #ruby gillman teenage kraken #ruby gillman #children's media #children's brain #what's wrong with children's media #child's perspective #this movie was well written for its intended audience #these movies weren't made with adult brains in mind #allow children to have their thing #allow girls to have their coming of age movies

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cherylmaso · 1 year

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how to get a grip and write soap non cringeworthy (by a glaswegian lass)

this may or may not be half a rant. but. okay. okay. i made a post like this before, but i kinda wanted to detail it a little more as i've seen posts like these popping up, but made by english people.

so i'm gonna make one about being scottish for non scots and how to more accurately portray soap as scottish. this is probably mostly aimed at people from tiktok, so feel free to share it around. this is also educational as well as light-hearted and is meant to be taken as such, don't get offended or just be fr

1.) okay, i'm gonna start off by saying... some of these unintentional(or intentional) stereotypes are fucking mind blowing. i'm not one to necessarily get offended by things like this, but i think it's worth mentioning. not all of us play bagpipes, or run around wearing kilts... or - for the love of god - RUN AROUND SCREAMING "SCOTLAND FOREVER." honestly..... it's so odd? i know you would be heavily offended if i called you a fat american, but really what's the difference?

(also the scotland forever is so cringe. i've never in my entire life heard anyone from this country say that)

2.) since i don't think there's any canon of where soap was specifically brought up in scotland(city-wise), i'll have to go off accents and his voice actor for this point. which is alright with me, because scottish accents can be very easily identified.

a lot like the english, scottish people can have MANY varying accents, and a lot of varying phrases. for example, someone down in ayrshire might say "i ken" instead of "i know" whereas people from glasgow usually wouldn't. you catch me?

...now, soap. soap would not go around saying certain phrases. from what i hear, he sounds glaswegian/edinburgh, which is east/west of scotland. the tiniest... TINIEST... bit of research will unveil a plethora of things that people from there would actually say.

aye/yes, naw/no, cannae/cant, could'nae/couldn't, fizzy drink/soda, how/why(this one is weird)..... that's an extremely small portion but you get the point. the scots talk EXTREMELY different than americans do, we have new words for almost everything.

and, before i lose my mind, PLEASE STOP HAVING SOAP REFER TO HIS MOTHER AS MOM. thank you.

3.) the general cringe. i've literally seen people say he would refer to himself as a big scotty boy. no one in scottish history has ever referred to themselves as that unironically. ever. again, circling back to the similarities between the english and scottish, we both have very sarcastic/edgy/cynical humour. ours won't be the same as the americans. our definition of sarcasm differs from yours. headcanons are fine, sometimes, but it's so out of character most of the time if you aren't from the country. bro would NOT spend his free time listening to lana del rey but don't let that stop you from saying he would LMAO

4.) we don't call ourselves british. i mean, some of us do(if yer a bastartin tory x), but most of us will literally get offended if you call us british. we'd all just much rather call ourselves scottish. don't ask me why.

5.) also! please educate yourself on how to properly use scottish slang. the amount of things that just genuinely do not make sense is appalling. it takes two seconds. also my dms are always open... feel free to ask a literal glaswegian lass. context also matters. if you don't know what you mean, just shut the fuck up x

6.) ...he wouldn't be a tory. none of them would be fucking tories. none of them would be sad about the queen. i know americans can't comprehend we don't actually worship the queen in britain, but considering they all probably grew up in some form of poverty or just a bad household, they just wouldn't be tories. or they literally wouldn't care.

7.) props to codie for this point. circling back to the stereotypes, i think it's MENTAL to see what you guys think are "funny" and "relatable" when really, you're absolutely perpetrating harmful scottish stereotypes. ha ha you are so funny when you make jokes about soap being really aggressive and a "gremlin" and an alcoholic and ahahha scotland forever and ahahahha he has bagpipes as his alarm clock... sorry but it's really not as funny as you think it is. like, there's a line and a lot of the time all you cunts online love crossing it with your poorly written headcanons and tiktok videos. i think a lot of you deserve to be told that it's not okay. i know you would all cry if we done the same and also it's just kinda embarrassing

8.) learn our culture but don't forget theres so much more to it. this isn't even primarily about scotland culture but more so british culture as a whole. it's completely different from any other culture and it's also not super hard to do your research. kinda hard to explain if you're not part of it but yk what i mean. sometimes it's obvious to me that you guys don't care to educate yourself and don't care to understand different cultures but i appreciate those that do lol

9.) where soap is from, he wouldn't speak gaelic either. i'm sorry, he just wouldn't. not really a thing in big cities. it's scots he would speak, and there's a difference. don't say they're the same things or you """prefer""" to call gaelic scots. yes someone actually said that LMFAOO. scottish gaelic isn't just saying aye and naw either. jesus fuckign christ x if you don't understand the difference or what you're even saying then just don't say anything LMAO

that's all for now. i'll probably randomly think of other stuff to add, but for now it's currently 5am and i cba. sorry if theres mistakes/typos, again, cba x

also if u get offended u need to get a grip and this is obvs aimed at u. ok have a good day pookie bears xx

(i promise i don't have a problem with americans but it's funny how it's always you guys)

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atschoolunfortunetly · 6 months

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A Very Long and Very Rage Written Rant about people talking about the FNAF Movie because I am seeing some takes that make me want to bash my head into a wall.

Very quickly an apology to my followers on here that followed me for Sonic. I would post this on my main but if you read my username I don't really have the time to do that right now. Very sorry for clogging up your TL.

Anyway, I am about to use very aggressive and targeted language. I am not hating on anyone specific but I am going to be saying sentences like "Are you dumb? Why are you like this?" Tumblr is my void and I am going to scream. I know some of the things I say may not be common knowledge. However, in this rant, I am going to pretend that it is. I am going to swear a lot. I am going to be talking about fist-fighting people whom I disagree with.

Just know that once again, this is a rant. Not a "please stop saying blah blah blah blah." I am not going to go out of my way to attack people. Which is, once again, why I am screaming here.

"Why the big warning?" BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE ON MY MAIN BACK WHEN I COMPLAINED ABOUT PEOPLE COMPLAINING ABOUT THE RED EYES YELLED AT ME. MY POST WASN'T MEANT TO TARGET ANYONE SPECIFIC. I WAS MEANT TO BE YELLING AT A MADE-UP DUMMY I MADE IN MY MIND!

With that out of the way, it is time to scream.

OH MY FUCKING GOD SOME OF THE THINGS YA'LL ARE SAYING. I have never felt the urge to rip through my fucking screen and grab some of yall by the throat. I want to bodyslam you onto the ground and pummel you to death.

Let's begin with a recent complaint I saw about William having no motivation in the movie and how they should have given him his motivation, let me tell you something bud.

They did. They did give him his motive. However, this is a 2-hour movie and they didn't dive into it. It's almost like they're making a second movie or something? OH WAIT THEY ARE! THIS IS THE FIRST MOVIE! THEY ARE ESTABLISHING ROLES!

They want you to grasp from this movie that:

William is a threat.

Mike is doing his best and is not going to pick up on everything.

Abby and the missing kids are, indeed, regular-ass kids who aren't going to understand fully the situation they're in.

Vanessa is a traumatized individual who wants to please her father and was manipulated into helping him because, you know, THAT IS HER DAD.

They are setting up the basics so people know what to expect from the next film. They will, most likely, be going into William's motives then. But as of right now, they are setting the roles that each character is going to take.

I don't know how some of yall ain't getting that because it is the most clear as day thing to me but that may be because I am aiming to be a writer down the line.

Time to aim at the other complaint I've seen which is that Vanessa is an Afton complaint. All I have to say to that is, whoah, it's almost like the movie takes place in an alt-universe from the games. And even if Vanessa is an Afton in the games who gives a fuck? She isn't Williams's direct child if that's the case and it just ties her in with the old characters. A popular thing I have seen a couple of times is that sometimes people portray Gregory as an Afton. So what's so wrong about Vanessa being an Afton. I am genuinely curious here? What's wrong about her being an Afton.

Some of yall come up with the most stupidest ass complaints I swear to god.

"But Micheal is meant to be the Afton-" Tell me how that would have worked in this movie. Tell me how Mike would not have recognized his own father if he was William. Also, I like that the movie implies that his dad is probably Henry.

"How does it imply that?"

I don't know, why don't we look at the career office scene again where William reads Mike's last name and recognizes it. He wants to tie up his loose ends.

And Mike? Mike is a loose end.

It just makes sense and it goes into the last complaint I saw about the movie.

The "I always come back line doesn't make sense," complaint.

THE REASON WHY IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO YOU IS THAT YOU KEEP PLACING IT IN THE WRONG CONTEXT YOU FOOL, YOU ABSOLUTE BAFOON. YOU'RE PLACING IT IN THE GAME'S CONTEXT. NOT THE MOVIES.

If I am fucking right about the fact that Henry is a Schmidt in the movie then that means William has always been a part of Mike's life. He has been haunting Mike since he took Garret, he influenced Mike to get a job at Freddy's, and he was the reason why Mike met Vanessa.

When he said he'd come back, he wasn't talking about coming back from the dead.

He meant it as he'll come back and make Mike's life a living hell.

Anyway rant fucking over, yall pisses me off. Good day.

#sorry for fnaf posting #fnaf #fnaf sb #fnaf movie #fnaf movie spoilers #five nights at freddy's #Five Nights at Freddy's Movie #Mike schmidt #william afton #fnaf vanessa #fnaf vanny #fnaf gregory #fnaf abby #vanessa afton #rant #I loved the movie #hate yall though #/j

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furiousgoldfish · 1 year

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I wasn't going to write personal posts on this topic, but this one is for all of the people who insist we are not allowed to call out narcissists for their actions, we are not allowed to call it 'narcissistic abuse', and what we're doing by saying that, is in fact, stigmatizing and marginalizing a group of people with a disorder.

I understand all of you want to be kind, and not accuse someone of being abusive, if they're presumed to be struggling with a disorder. Being accused yourself, that you're creating stigma if you do it, can feel uncomfortable and wrong. And to accuse those who are struggling the worst, of stigmatizing if they speak up about abuse, can be devastating.

Stigma, however, is not created in small, isolated communities of people who have no public voice, it's not created in the space where people go when they have nowhere else to turn to. The public does not listen to victims, they listen to the framing that makes it the easiest to ignore abuse. Which is, coincidentally, the abuser's narrative.

Hearing that narcissists are to be protected and that to say otherwise is evil, can easily take vigor if the most loud, aggressive and forceful people are yelling it, in a community of mostly scared, vulnerable individuals. So you relent and decide, it's simply kind to just defend whoever has a disorder, no matter what it is, no matter the consequences. You find it easier to not do research, to not look at reality, but pick whatever is the most convenient. If people yelling the loudest are saying 'narcissistic abuse doesn't exist! you're hurting people by saying it does!' then it's the easiest to repeat it and accept that it's right.

So now let's scale back a bit, and look at what is going on specifically in the community of abused and traumatized people on tumblr. You have a group of people who are claiming that the narcissists abused them, who can recount horrific, devastating, destructive, traumatic and severely damaging experiences of abuse by narcissistic parents or partners. People who have developed dissociative disorders, complex trauma, chronic conditions and a whole ordeal of mental disorders due to the extensive, long lasting abuse. Most of these people were children, when exposed to the narcissists. Most of these people have loved those narcissists with all of their hearts. For the most of them, it took half of their lifetime to realize abuse was going on, and that their symptoms were not imagined or without a cause. These people have been tortured, and are looking for a safe space.

You also have children here who are currently being abused, who are telling horror stories of their current reality where they're used, exploited, controlled, violated, their identity and humanity erased, who exist only as a resource to the narcissists. They're looking for a way to recognize what is happening to them, why are they feeling this awful, and how to get out.

And of course, you have people in this community who have been abused in other kinds of circumstances and by other kinds of abusers, and we're all trying to figure out what the truth is, who to blame, how to get out of abuse, how to gain freedom, how to stay safe. So it's a community of heavily traumatized individuals, most of them very vulnerable to future abuse, a lot of them children, a lot of them abused and sensitive to other kinds of grooming and abuse.

Narcissists are infiltrating this specific community and demanding to be promoted as safe and non-dangerous, to these specific people. They're not trying to appeal to general public, to psychologically healthy, to people who have resources and community to protect themselves from abuse, no, they're aiming at this specific, already-abused, already groomed, vulnerable, struggling, traumatized community of people, and threatening to smear-campaign, cancel, expel and banish anyone who doesn't accept to view them as harmless.

Why would they do this? Which safe and harmless person would put themselves in a group of traumatized and vulnerable people to bully and threaten them for the sake of 'public image' and 'erasing the stigma'? Tell me what is humane about this. Tell me what is humane about asking a victim of narcissistic abuse to be narcissist-positive on their trauma-related blog. Tell me what is normal about telling a victim of torture to say positive thing about their torturer, or to be expelled from their community as a punishment.

You are extending our torture. You are now the extension of our trauma.

And when you're out here saying 'not all narcissists', tell me how do you know which ones then? Do you know that if you're saying this to a child, they might then happily accept a narcissist in their life, who then might end up torturing the kid? You don't know which ones are dangerous, and neither do they. Are you okay with that? Can you feel peace in your heart knowing you helped this to happen? Can you look at yourself knowing you went and claimed, to a vulnerable, or already-traumatized child or a vulnerable person, to accept this potentially dangerous individual in their life, who then hurt them? Will you tell them it's their own fault and to 'stop claiming narcissists are abusive' if they confide it to you?

You're not even thinking of what will happen to those kids. I was left with narcissists alone. I was locked up in a basement. I was beaten. I was forced to play games where I would end up inevitably tortured and told it was my fault for 'losing'. I was brainwashed into believing that I'm not a human being. I was denied food if I didn't do as I was told. I was brutalized and almost murdered. I was told I would be dead if I tried to escape. I will never recover.

And I'm not even one of the worst cases. Children have been thru worse. Children are going thru it right now.

If you feel safe recommending to children and the vulnerable, to go and accept narcissists in their life, this is what you're risking. This is what some of them are capable of. You don't know which ones. Are you really going to use children and most vulnerable people in society, to test and see if the narcissists would torture them or not? You're really going to tell them to go and associate themselves with a group that has a high count of predators, just so that the predators in the groups wouldn't be upset or feel excluded? Just so you'd feel safe from being told off by them? So you wouldn't have to deal with them?

If you can put kids at risk and feel like you've done nothing wrong, then I don't care what else you have to say. You can no longer pretend not to know. You can't pretend that defending narcissists is a kind gesture. You can't pretend to be 'inclusive' when you barge into a community of victims and tell them to shut up about the abuse they worked so hard to recognize. You can't pretend you're faultless when you insist that the most vulnerable people in the population should be accepting and positive about the most dangerous group to them, so you'd have it easier, so you wouldn't have to even look at what narcissists have already done to us.

We're not your shield. We're not here to be scapegoats for your cowardice. We're not sacrificing children because it's so easy and convenient to bow down to bullies. It's been enough of this. Respect our boundaries. We don't want narcissists to have access to us.

#narcissistic abuse #child abuse #abusive parents #toxic parents #tw torture mention #tw descriptions of abuse #tw physical abuse #tw mention of murder attempts #putting kids at risk for the sake of 'politics'#telling victims of abuse to be accesible to potential abusers #so the abusers would have an easier time getting close to a victim #we can't get any protection in the rest of society #but we should and will be protected in our own damn community #we're not going to accept that our safe space is nowhere #we're going to fight

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whomst-art-thou-whomst-whomst · 1 year

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The Artist and the Fan: Further Meta of Tiny Moments in Oh No! Here Comes Trouble

So it’s possible I did a third rewatch just because I’m convinced my favorite character is queer-coded. And that’s fine. I’ve written about Guangyan as queer-coded before. But what if it’s not just him?

Behold the first scene where Guangyan gets hit by a ball during gym class:

Before the first hit, the camera focuses on him subtly watching something as he runs around the track. What is to his left? The field where Yiyong is. Guangyan is surreptitiously eyeing Yiyong as he runs.

Right after Yiyong smacks the ball at him, the camera chooses to focus on Yiyong’s face. No comment on the expression here...EXCEPT we know later in the series that Yiyong didn’t push him down the stairs, is very gentle inside and wasn’t actually sure whether it had been Guangyan scoffing about his dreams the first time they met, so this is probably not revenge. When some kid brushes past Guangyan in the hall, he automatically thinks it’s Yiyong, meaning Yiyong pushes past him a lot. So given the comedic twists of this show, my queer little brain jumped to, eithrr he has the worst pattern of aim and walking in history, OR he is trying to get Guangyan’s attention in the dumbest “doesn’t know his own strength but maybe third times the charm” kind of way. Think about the dumb shit kids do on the playground to get someone’s attention. We’ve talked about Guangyan nursing a quintessential “of course I don’t like him, I absolutely hate him and his beautiful eyes” crush on Yiyong since high school, but a specific aspect of the rewatch made me think…maybe Yiyong, master of hiding his feelings and desires, master of expressing himself in writing and drawing, wasn’t entirely immune to Guangyan in high school either.

AND I HAVE EVIDENCE *jams tin hat on head* (although I respect that this could also just be a really solid non-romantic bond, see my note at the bottom)

Yiyong’s comic:

Literally two seconds after Yiyong (post coma 1) shuts down his comic, Guangyan (who is, as we later discover, the only reader of the comic) is frantically trying to get him to continue it.

Because it’s a cute little subplot that we know Guangyan is a fan, I got curious about what Yiyong’s art is all about, so I paused on his comic when he clicked on it shortly after waking up from coma 1; we surmise that the last time he worked on it was back when he was in high school, right before the accident.

A thank you to a translation by @betty5271 for explaining what Yiyong’s comic is supposedly about, according to the title and summary he has written for it on his page. The title is King of Flashfire, with the summary “What kind of bloody storm will a gifted high school student unleash on the campus?"

(Genres listed are battle, school life, and comedy)

Hmmmmmm. So it’s a story Yiyong wrote as a student…about a gifted student who gets into “battles”….

Now look at his two characters that are the figures from his comic. Remind you of any two people’s hairstyles and clothes?

*adjusts tin hat*

Guangyan is the only reader of the comic Yiyong has written about a stormy bond between two high school boys. A comic Yiyong wrote before ever having an actual conversation with Guangyan.

It makes this moment even more precious:

Now, to be clear: I do see this as a coded pre-romantic relationship, BUT this could also be an incredibly sweet friendship, too. Just as amazing. I would love a second season where they get their shit together, if that’s where the story is meant to go. Even if it never heads in that direction, I would still love this show so much and I can’t wait for their relationship to grow as they do. Our boys are soulmates, this comic subplot shows their coming together on the monster squad was meant to be.

(Chuying’s main meta is next if anyone has requests or thoughts on areas to cover with her)

#oh no! here comes trouble #whomst

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azuremist · 9 months

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Alterhumanity and Autism (Script)

During my panel at this year's Othercon, I said that I would publicly post my panel's script, and my survey's results onto my tumblr, for easy archival purposes! (There is no way to submit Google Docs to archive.org that I'm aware of...)

This is the panel's script! What I said before the QnA part of the panel. Once the panel recording is uploaded, I'll reblog with the link to it, as well! The results for the survey will also be posted to this account shortly.

Here is the blurb that I originally wrote for the panel, on the schedule:

"This panel aims to explore the relationship between autism and alterhumanity, by looking at the history, the modern autistic community and what real alterhumans have to say on the topic. Why it is that neurodivergency is seemingly so common in the alterhuman community? Is it correlation, causation, or perhaps something in between?"

And, below is the script itself!

Hi, everyone! I am so excited to be speaking at Othercon this year and I hope everyone else is enjoying the 'con so far. My name is Azure! You may also call me Bede, as I answer to both. I like he/him, she/her and bun/buns pronouns, and I am a multitude of things! I am a demon (a fallen angel if you wanna get technical), and my main fictotype is, you'll never guess who based off my names, Bede from Pokemon. Shoutout to any Pokemonkin listening. I've been active in the alterhuman community for around 5 years now, and was the head and sole mod of ‘From Fictionkind’, which is a zine released in 2022, aiming to explore the experiences of those who have a fiction-based identity. If you are interested, you can download it here. (Send link)

I am a grab bag of disorders and disabilities, most of which I won't list, but what is relevant to this panel is that I am, in fact, autistic. Not only that, but I have done, by all metrics, way too much research into autism, and I am an autistic activist!

To preface: although this panel is going to specifically namedrop and talk about autism a lot, I am sure that a lot of different beings can relate to what I am going to talk about today. Not just other neurodivergencies and disabilities, either. Much of what I am going to be talking about today could resonate with any oppressed being's experiences. I welcome all discussion about the similarities of different experiences with open arms!

But, for the sake of transparency, I am not very good at talking off the cuff. So I am going to spend the bulk of this panel reading from a pre-prepared script. If anyone is interested in a transcript, it is available on Google Docs for viewing! I will send it in the panel chat right now, so that anyone who needs to may read along, for word-processing purposes. (Send link) This also means that I am not going to be looking at the chat a whole lot, so if there's something you'd particularly like for me to see, I encourage you to hold it until the end so that I can be sure to see it and give it the thought and recognition that it deserves. All this being said, I still will be looking at the chat occasionally.

To prepare for this panel, I took a survey polling autistic alterhumans, which was taking responses from March 7th to July 1st, so around 4 months. I was hoping for about maybe 90 participants, but that number was blown out of the water with over 500 responses!! I will be going over those results later on in the panel, and will also be referencing the anonymous freeform responses.

The very last point of my preamble here is to warn that this panel may not be suitable for all audiences. This lecture contains extended discussion of ableism, and, while I try to keep the mentions brief, there will be specific talk of disabled folks, including children, being hurt. If you're unable to handle that at this time, that is absolutely fine. Take care of yourself and have a great con!

This panel aims to explore the relationship between autism and alterhumanity, by looking at the history, the modern autistic community and what real alterhumans have to say on the topic. I hope to, perhaps not explain, but look into why it is that neurodivergency is seemingly so common in the alterhuman community, and whether it's because of correlation, causation, or perhaps something in between.

Now, let's start off with a question and feel free to try and guess: What do fairies, aliens, and crystals all have in common? Do we have any guesses?

The correct answer is that all 3 of these things have been used to try and claim autistic children are nonhuman!

Let's get into the specifics, starting from the top with fairies.

The changeling is a form of fairy found in European folklore. Also referred to as an "oaf" historically, a changeling is a fairy that is left in the place of an identical human child, when they are stolen away by other fairies. This is to say, parents believed that their human child was being replaced by an identical fairy child. There were multiple tricks that were thought to fend this off. When you believe you already have a changeling, though... There were less ways to go about that. Historical records and tales about changelings unfortunately imply that the solution chosen for a changeling child was often times infanticide.

Many modern psychologists now believe that most tales of changelings developed in an attempt to explain disabled children. This includes, but is not limited to, deformities, Down syndrome, Williams syndrome, cerebral palsy, and, of course, autism. The fact that boys are more often born with birth defects lines up with the touted belief that boys were more likely to be taken by fairies.

Furthermore, see "regressive autism". This so-called phenomena occurs when a child appears to develop, quote-unquote, "normally", until they start showing symptoms of autism in their later years. Now, what actually happens in these cases is that they never noticed their child's autistic traits until those later years. But the fact that there is still a name for this sudden perceived shift in an autistic child shows the sheer amount of cases there are like this, even today. Now, imagine how bad it was hundreds of years ago, before we even had a word for autism. This "sudden shift" perspective very much parallels the supposed markings of your child being replaced by a changeling.

Second verse, same as the first: aliens. Although the term "starseed" has been picked up in the alterhuman community as a way to describe one's self as an alien, "starseeds", or "star children", didn't originate in the alterhuman community. Their existence is a theory put forth by Brad Seiger in his 1976 book, titled "Gods of Aquarius". It posits that some humans originated as extraterrestrials, and arrived on Earth through either birth or by taking over an existent human body.

Generally agreed-upon signs that you or someone you love is a starseed, according to believers, include that person feeling like they don't belong, being hyperempathetic (which is a sign of autism, despite what the stereotypes would have you believe), introversion, and... Actually, I'm going to quote this in its entirety. In "What Is A Starseed & 50 Clear Signs You Are One", published by The Spirit Nomad, the first listed sign is, quote, "You are highly sensitive. You easily feel overwhelmed and drained when you are in a place with many people and with intense stimuli – like shopping malls, clubs, and networking events. You might also be sensitive to stimulants like coffee, alcohol and even dark chocolate." Endquote.

You think I'm joking about these things just listing autism symptoms. I'm not!

Finally... Crystals. Crystal children and indigo children are both believed to be sort of the next step in scientific evolution, according to New Age circles. More specifically, crystal children are the newest generation, while indigo children were the first wave, from around the 70s to the 90s. I'll just be calling both of these 'waves' crystal children for the sake of simplicity, but know that they are just two waves of the same thing. Crystal children are believed to possess special or supernatural abilities, such as telepathy. Autistic children having telepathy, as we all know, is the plot of Mob Psycho 100.

Signs that your child is a crystal child include high empathy, being perceived as 'strange' by others or intelligent for their age (see the autistic gifted kid phenomenon), and being sensitive to the point of fussing in crowded spaces. It's also said that crystal children may struggle in socially conventional schools, because of their dislike of rigid authority, being smarter than their teachers, and their lack of response to guilt, fear, or manipulation-based discipline. (Read: indirect communication.)

It is actually a noted phenomenon that many parents, when confronted with a diagnosis like a learning disability, ADHD, or autism, will alternatively label their child as a crystal child. Autism researcher Mitzi Waltz noted this phenomenon, and spoke about it in a 2009 issue of The Journal of Religion, Disability & Health. He suggests that parents recategorize autistic symptoms as telepathic powers to attempt to reconceptualize these autistic traits as a part of a more conventionally positive identity. He also puts into words why this can be harmful, stating that parents could refuse to acknowledge their child's impairments, refuse accommodations, and, quote, "transmit belief systems to the child that are self-aggrandizing, confusing, or potentially frightening." Endquote.

Believe it or not, there are actually MORE examples of myths or conspiracy theories that attempt to explain autistic children as nonhuman. But, I will leave it at those three.

Let's take a brief look into modern media now. Specifically, the "autistic-coded robot" trope. A lot of times, when humans try to write robots, or AI or such, they think that they can just take all essential things that make humanity what it is, and take away a few things. Make them not express empathy, they don't get nonliteral phrases, they obviously speak in monotone. We could sprinkle in a little bit of feeling out of place with humanity for flavor aaaand it's autistic. Your robot is autistic. To name some examples of this trope, think Data from Star Trek, or Zane from Ninjago.

This trope is more or less echoed, beat for beat, with the autistic-coded alien trope. Examples of this flavor of the trope include Peridot from Steven Universe, Spock from Star Trek, or, and I'm sorry for anyone who I'm about to violently throw back into 2016 with this, Keith from Voltron.

Because nonhumanity is so often linked to autistic beings by the culture around us, desiring to be nonhuman or connecting with nonhumanity is now a recognized part of autistic culture. We often feel out of place in neurotypical society. Join autistic spaces, and you’ll see jokes like, “What kind of nonhuman did you think you were as a kid?” (In case you’re wondering, the answer is werewolf for me.) Growing up thinking that the reason behind your autistic traits is because you are secretly nonhuman is a common experience. Jokes about desiring a tail and to purr often go viral within autistic spaces, because they are forms of natural and nonverbal communication that shows those around us that we are happy. The topic of nonhumanity within autistic culture is also talked about within professional settings, such as in Kim Duff’s speech, “The Role of Changeling Lore in Autistic Culture”, at the 1999 Autreat conference of Autism Network International.

There is also discussion of how autistic beings oftentimes connect with animals better than with humans. For example, Temple Grandin is an autistic animal behavioralist who has written extensively on how her being autistic helps her understand how animals feel. For example, she speaks in 2004’s, “Animals in Translation: Using the Mysteries of Autism to Decode Animal Behavior”, and in 1997’s “Thinking the Way Animals Do: Unique Insights from a Person with a Singular Understanding”.

In more modern times, we have the 2022 article, “How Autism Connects Me With Animals”, in which Emily Moran Barwick, writes, quote, “I knew how profoundly frustrating, isolating and demoralizing it was to be unable to convey what I wanted to convey. I knew how it felt to never be truly understood. And it broke my heart thinking of what non-human animals were experiencing at the hands of humans; that no matter how desperately and clearly they communicated their terror and pain, they were ignored and discounted.” Endquote.

All of these connections have led to the creation of subcultures created in an attempt to reclaim the dehumanization put onto us. To name one example, voidpunk is a subculture created by tumblr user arotaro in the 2010s, and more or less hinges on this idea. Key points of this subculture include the rejection of the norm, embracing nonhumanity, and comfort in the unknown. In the words of it’s creator, quote, “It’s not the same as otherkin because it’s not really like, “Ah yes, I am a cat/dragon/wolf/that one guy from Homestuck/etc.”, it’s not necessarily something specific, and it’s not necessarily literally believing you’re something other than human. It’s, well, punk. Society puts out a lot of messages about What It Means To Be Human (trademark) that can make a lot of people who don’t completely fit the bill feel lost, broken, alone, or like they’re doing something wrong; Voidpunk is about taking that message of “you’re not human”, making it your own, and throwing it back in society’s face. You say I’m not human? Sure, ok. That’s chill. Why does being Human (trademark) have to be a goal to aspire to anyway? What’s so great about humanity?” Endquote. She then goes on to specifically namedrop neurodivergents as one of the target audiences for the subculture, as well. She also later answers an ask to clarify, quote, “Someone who doesn’t face dehumanization cannot be voidpunk.” Endquote.

So, where does all of this information intersect with the notable number of autistic alterhumans? Well, that’s just the question, isn’t it? Is it possible that alterhuman identity may correlate with those who have identities and neurotypes which are demonized by society? After all, queer beings are common within alterhuman spaces, too. And, if there is a correlation, is there causation there, as well? There are already some terms coined to describe when alterhuman identity is caused or influenced by autistic traits; such as ‘otherspin’, a term for when one’s alterhuman identity is caused / influenced by special interests. Furthermore, ‘altervexo’ attempts to describe identifying as alterhuman out of spite for the dehumanization one has faced. However, to my knowledge, no term has been made or extensive talks had about, voluntary or nonvoluntary, alterhuman identity, as possibly having origins within dehumanization.

So, I set out to have that conversation. As stated at the start of this panel, I ran a survey, mostly promoted on tumblr, from March 7th to July 1st, posing questions to the autistic alterhuman community about their personal experiences, which got over 500 responses! 537, to be exact. I’d like to share the results of this survey with you now. The raw data collected is available here. (Send link) I will also be posting both the raw data, and the script for this panel, to my tumblr, @azuremist, but that’s mostly for easy archival purposes. Now, it’s NUMBERS TIME, baby!

I asked everyone to indicate if they agreed or disagreed with the statements I made. For the statement, “I believe that my autism has influenced my alterhumanity in some way, shape, or form,” 92% of those who took my survey agreed, and 8% disagreed, which is a WILD split. Far beyond notable.

For the statement, “I feel like the way that autistic beings are seen by society has influenced my alterhumanity”, the split is a bit more even, with 72.4% agreeing, and 27.6% disagreeing.

This means that, of those who I polled who agreed that autism influenced their alterhumanity, 78.6% (rounding down) also agreed that the way autistic beings are viewed in society influenced their alterhumanity. This is a rate a bit over 3 in every 4.

This next question is one of the things that I asked more out of personal curiosity, which is, whether or not they feel more safe to be openly autistic in alterhuman spaces, when compared to other community spaces. Of those polled, 89.4% agreed, and 10.6% disagreed, which makes me quite happy! One anonymous being commented, quote, “I generally find that most alterhuman spaces are a lot more accepting of autistic beings than wider society if that makes sense? Going into an alterhuman space, I'm never concerned that it may not be safe or accessible for me.” Endquote. Someone else wrote in that they could testify to the opposite being true, as well; autistic spaces, in their experience, had a higher likelihood of being accepting of alterhuman identities. However, one being who answered ‘no’ to this question stated that they avoid alterhuman spaces for things related to this subject. They list as an example, quote, “Like the refusal of tone tags? I understand not wanting them to be used for you but banning them from the space all together? And also a lot of spaces, despite being accepting of autistic beings, still find a way to hate those beings for being autistic.” Making community spaces safe for autistic beings is an ongoing learning process for everyone involved. So please make sure to consult your local autistic advocate to make sure everything is accessible for those of all neurotypes.

For the next questions, I asked about everyone’s specific experience with alterhumanity. Another question that I asked, mostly out of curiosity, is, “Would you consider alterhumanity, as a subject, a special interest?” 64.8% of respondents answered ‘no’, and 35.2% answered ‘yes’.

The next question, though, is really quite interesting to me. It asks, “If you have any kintypes which originate from a piece of media: Would you consider that kintype's source material a special interest?” 69% of respondents (nice) answered ‘yes’, and 31% answered ‘no’. That’s a pretty close percentage to the question about alterhumanity as a special interest, but with the answers flipped. Indeed, many times in the section where I invite others to talk about their experience, there are respondents specifically namedropping that they believe their special interests contribute to their alterhumanity. Some, but not all, of these instances include a space conceptkin who has space as a special interest, two catkin, with one having Warrior Cats as a past special interest, and the other, cats in general as one, and someone who specifically wrote, quote, “I also feel as though my special interests in some medias have influenced the fact that I identify with both real and fictional species. For example, I have a large number of original characters who are demons and I feel like my special interest in them may have led me down the path of discovering myself as demonkin.” When discussing the subject of autism influencing alterhumanity, special interests were easily the thing that came up the most, other than how autistic beings are seen by neurotypical society.

The final multiple choice question I had asked, “If you have a nonhuman kintype of any kind: Do you experience species dysphoria and/or euphoria?” To this, 85.9% answered ‘yes’, and 14.1% answered ‘no’.

We can compare this to a survey not aimed at autistic alterhumans; specifically, the ‘Alterhumanity and Gender Survey’, as conducted by Eli, at pantomorph on tumblr. These results were posted on July 22nd of 2019, and reported that, in response to the question, “Do you experience species dysphoria?”, 4.9% answered ‘I used to,’ 8.9% answered ‘unsure’, 22.7% answered ‘no’, 36% answered ‘sometimes’ and 27.6% answered ‘yes’. Adding up the percentages of ‘I used to’, ‘sometimes’ and ‘yes’, we get 68.5% of respondents who are certain that they have, at some point, experienced species dysphoria.

This means that, according to these surveys, autistic alterhumans appear to have a higher chance of experiencing species dysphoria, with a 17.5% difference. Though, keep in mind, I included euphoria in my question, and Eli did not. This would certainly require more data to confirm, however, this at least would warrant further polling, in my opinion.

All of this talk about autistic beings and species dysphoria may have you thinking about the fact that autistic beings are statistically more likely to identify as transgender, with some estimates stating that transgender individuals are up to 6 times more likely to be autistic than cisgender individuals! This is because gender is stupid, and autistic folks are not. Multiple respondents to the survey brought this point up. One being specifically wrote in, quote, “Statistically, autistic folks are more likely to know they're trans than allistics, and I support the theory that that's got something to do with autistic beings seeing things without the lens of social cues and societal pressures, including more awareness of who we are and how we see ourselves. … Society is like, "You should be like this," and autistics are like, "But why? It doesn't really make sense, plus I don't fit in to those standards anyway, so why not choose my own path in life?"” Endquote. I definitely agree that the reason so many autistic folks identify as transgender may be similar to, or the same, reason that autistic folks seem to be more likely to be alterhuman.

Hello to all trans autistic alterhumans listening! Call that a triple threat.

Now, the final question that I asked. I listed multiple different alterhuman identities, and asked everyone to indicate which, if any, of the provided labels that they identify with. And, indeed, my hypothesis when going into this question was proven correct. Of the terms that I provided, it was “nonhuman” that most autistic alterhumans identified with specifically, with 74.9% of respondents identifying as nonhuman. Other popular answers to this question included ‘therian’, with 57.5%, and fictionkin with a nonhuman fictional character. Indeed, I did put two separate options for fictionkin, where they could indicate if their fictional kintype was human or not. 45.1% of respondents had a nonhuman fictotype, and 41.2% of respondents had a human fictotype. So, autistic fictionkin appear to have around a 9% (rounding down) higher likelihood to identify with nonhuman fictional characters. Unfortunately, I could not find another survey to compare this statistic against, but it is a statistic we have now, nonetheless.

Furthermore, I specifically listed 3 common kintypes that have been associated with autistic beings, as previously discussed: fairies, aliens, and robots / technology. Of these, techkin was easily the most popular, with 19.9% of respondents identifying as such. Alienkin and fairykin were close in numbers, with 11.2% identifying as alienkin, and 11.9% identifying as fairykin. On the subject of being robotkin, one being wrote, quote, “I do not on a literal, physical level believe I’m a robot, however, tropes related to robots and the way they behave and are treated feel analogous to my own lived experiences, so in some ways it feels as though I experience my life as a robot would.” Endquote.

Which segways nicely into the final question, which is the filled in responses. For this question, I prompted, “If you have anything you'd like to add, please tell me about your experiences involving your alterhumanity and autism.”

Many took the chance to speak on if they felt like their autism and alterhumanity were connected. As previously mentioned, lots of folks mentioned special interests as a factor. Lots of folks also said that they felt the two were connected, but couldn’t explain how, with a common sentiment being that it is a ‘chicken or the egg’ situation. Two different beings whose kintypes are their past lives wrote in, and both said that a hypothetical allistic version of them wouldn’t be able to get memories as easily. Multiple beings also wrote that they felt like the awakening process was made easier due to their autism. They were so used to seeing themselves as different from everybody else, and not understanding social cues, that they were more willing to take on, quote-unquote, “weird” solutions as the source of their feelings. Other commonly-mentioned points include dehumanization as a reason for alterhumanity, autistic traits being seen as similar to animalistic traits, and the possibly-related high rate of autistic pagans and witches.

Something that I didn’t expect going in, but perhaps should have, is the amount of autistic alterbeings who wrote about their struggle to find words to describe themselves. One ghostkin wrote they felt like their nonconformity to their kintype’s typical associated traits (like darkness, doom and gloom, et cetera) was due to their autism, but that they felt they didn’t belong with other ghostkin because of it. And a LOT of folks wrote in saying that they had a lot of trouble figuring out what terminology to use, especially regarding the ever-dreaded ‘identify with’ or ‘identify as’ question. One being wrote in that they see themself as psychological otherkin, but would be more accurately described as having a neurotype-based, or neurology-based, origin, due to their autism. However, this has caused some issues, as it is not seen as a, quote-unquote, ‘valid’ origin. Someone else describes having issues with this because the community does a lot of gatekeeping, and because it is easier to find beings complaining about words being misused than the actual use of words.

Now, there are some responses that I would like to read in full, or mostly in full, for your listening pleasure.

The first one is as follows. Quote. “When I was 6-ish, I started noticing that people treated me a bit like they treated our old Windows ‘98 Dell computer. The computer was inhuman when it worked (and praised for its distance from humanity! “Yes, it can play videos from the internet! Isn’t technology cool?”) and human when it broke down (“He’s getting overwhelmed, give us a sec.” “She’s blinking at me. I have no idea why this is such a difficult task.” “It ate my fucking CD. Stubborn POS.”). It’s a bit frustrating that my autistic traits are only praised when they make me convenient for others to use... I’m self-sufficient, I’m quiet, I’m a fast learner and a thorough researcher, so I rarely need to bother another person to complete the tasks I’m given. But because that’s all anyone ever seems to want me for... It’s a self-fulfilling cycle which is useful for the neurotypicals but exhausting for me, and when it ends in a burnout (inevitable) then I’m finally treated as human, but only because I’ve failed to be the computer they wanted. So I’m a computer when someone’s pleased with me, and I’m human when I’ve disappointed them. You can see why I might like the idea of being a PC more than a person. Also, when something’s wrong, computers’ error messages are both clearer and harder to ignore than a human’s requests for accommodation. This is a bit of a bummer, sorry. The upside is that I’m crazy good at data analysis now.” Endquote. This was excellently put, and I’m sure something that may resonate with autistic techkin.

Another write-in reads, quote, “One does not have to be autistic to be alterhuman or nonhuman, but one does have to be autistic to be my species. My species does not have human neurology, or allistic neurology. To be my species one must be autistic… though it’s more that my species has neurology which allistics will refer to as autism. I could not be my species if I wasn’t autistic.” Endquote. This is a very interesting response, and, to be honest, I sort of wish I knew what this being’s species was so that I could look more into it. It’s almost like a sort of alternate view of autistic nonhumans or autistic aliens, which is just lovely.

Then, there is this submission. Quote, “Diagnosed with autism at 15, explained a lot, I can't help but wonder - if I'd known, would I still dehumanize myself in the way I do? Other kids called me "cat boy" because when they would pick on me, I'd hiss at them. I don't know why. I think I just saw my cats do it and it was the only way I knew how to retaliate. But it just made them laugh. ... I stopped seeing myself as human a long time ago, more of an animal for people's amusement. ... But when I found out about otherkin, it was like suddenly this experience of mine I was certain I was alone in was shared. For some people it's spiritual, but even in our differences, our feelings were the same. The community taught me to love this nonhuman side of me, and they were understanding of my diagnosis. I didn't feel like an outcast there, they made me feel like it was something to cherish, and I do.” Endquote. Again, absolutely very well-said. Reclaiming and celebrating nonhumanity is, from what I’ve gathered, a large part of the autistic alterhuman experience, and this response phrased it just wonderfully.

Lastly, in regards to responses: shoutout to the one guy who said, “I just finished making my first ever tail, isn’t that sick?”, because yes, yes it is.

Thank you so much again to all the respondents to my survey!

And so, we have now reached the discussion section, which will last until my time runs out. This is where I will cease looking at a script, so please send anything you’d particularly like me to see now! Also, feel free to ask me questions, and I will answer to the best of my ability. Alternatively, tell me about your experiences, or just give general comments!

#othercon #othercon 2023 #alterhuman #essays #alterhuman community #autism #actuallyautistic #actually autistic #otherkin #azure does a thing

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mediumgayitalian · 2 months

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how do you have so many ideas constantly? i want to write more but i jus t dont really have a lot of ideas on what to write about and it stumps me a lot D:

well, partially because it consumes my life, but my real thing is dialogue and free writing tbh. i almost never have an actual plan when i start writing, i just pick a line to start with and go from there. i can do a little tutorial if that helps??

usually, i start with dialogue. my goal is to start with something interesting or dynamic enough to be read in a certain character’s voice, because that keeps people reading once it catches their eye. that’s why i don’t post titles or anything on my fics. dialogue is the easiest thing to start with, because it guarantees a second line — someone has to respond to that line. i might choose a first line that’s something like this:

“Woah, hey, I wanna try.”

now this can go ANYWHERE. very very open, but it does have restrictions: this dialogue tells us 1) the speaker is observing something, 2) they are observing someone else do it, 3) they are intrigued by the action, so 4) it must be kind of cool, and 5) they cannot yet do it, so 6) whoever they are observing might try and help them. i didn’t have to explain any of that, it’s inherent in the line, right? no matter what you imagine, those things hold up.

next is narrowing this down further. who is the speaker? who are they observing? what are they doing? where are they doing it? to some degree, you have total control here, but i find that in fanfic a lot of these questions are already answered for you. i’m writing solangelo fic, so this opening dialogue is likely from one of two characters (although, if i desired, i could totally go in a very different direction and choose someone else. adding more characters means a longer story, so if i was aiming for something longer, i would).

so who is more likely to be speaking this? who is more likely to speak up when they see something cool, and try it? who is more likely to be doing a cool new thing? to me, that solidifies the speaker as will pretty easily. great. now i have an opener from will, so i can work on nico’s response.

nico’s response can go a lot of ways, especially depending on the setting. if this is post-canon, it might be a little more relaxed, might be established relationship. when i read the dialogue in will’s voice, though, i did end up picturing a bit of a scene, and it went a very specific way. i’ll write some of it first and then explain what i did.

“Woah, hey, I wanna try.”

Nico startles at the voice, tiny bone falling from his hand and sinking back into the dirt.

“Aw.” Beat-up flip-flops slow to a stop right next to him, and Will plops himself down. He shoots a bright, too-wide smile in his direction, eyes crinkling. “Hi!”

“Hi,” Nico says warily, subtly inching away. Will, either oblivious or uncaring to his intention, just leans in closer, blue eyes watching him intently. “…What are you doing here?”

okay SO. with this alone, i’ve established both setting, some character info, and a good amount about their relationship, without stating too much outright. there’s some tension, right? a bit of imbalance! by making nico startle, a few more things become clear: 1) he was alone before Will came, 2) he was not expecting will to come, 3) he was probably no expecting anyone to come, 4) he was either focused or daydreaming, and 5) he is tense/uncomfortable enough to startle at a voice.

some of those questions are answered as the sentence goes on — he was playing around with a bone, probably a raised skeleton. not hard for him, so he was, probably, pretty spaced out. as the scene goes on, i make it clear that nico is absolutely not comfortable around will yet (although not so that he gets up and leaves entirely), so it’s pretty clear that this is right around the blood of olympus, after the three days. i also shove in some of my own small headcanons (like children of apollo being kind of off-putting to look at, too bright, like the sun) for funsies.

from there you can just go off. once you have a solid start like this, you can just write and see what comes up. maybe you like what you get, maybe you don’t! i’ll try and see.

“Woah, hey, I wanna try.”

Nico startles at the voice, tiny bone falling from his hand and sinking back into the dirt.

“Aw.” Beat-up flip-flops slow to a stop right next to him, and Will plops himself down. He shoots a bright, too-wide smile in his direction, eyes crinkling. “Hi!”

“Hi,” Nico says warily, subtly inching away. Will, either oblivious or uncaring to his intention, just leans in closer, blue eyes watching him intently. “…What are you doing here?”

“Hanging out with you. Duh. How did you do that?” He points to Nico’s hands.

Confused, Nico re-summons to the squirrel femur, dragging up the rest of the skeleton too. It chitters to life, nosing at the sliver of bare knee out from Nico’s ripped jeans, before bounding over to Will. He doesn’t even flinch, laughing as the little thing scampers up his arm and rests in his hair. Nico’s mouth twitches.

okay im gonna stop here because i ended up writing something decently solid and i want to post it lol. it spiralled & came pretty quickly!!

this is already way longer than i intended, and kind of rambly, so to answer your original question — i have so many ideas because i choose to. i make the active choice to write and post something every night before bed, regardless if i have something prepared. if i do — great! it can be a lot of fun to bring a scene from my head to life on paper. if not, it's still fun to watch a scene almost bring itself to life as i write. i promise that you just have to commit to doing it, commit to the actual act of writing, not writing something specifically. it gets way easier as you go on. when i first started doing this, two years ago for a different blog, i was writing things as short as 40 words. the skill came with practice, with heeding advice, with reading and analyzing what other writers do, but mostly with practice.

just write!! see what happens! and, of course, the best of luck to you!!

#edit im so fucking mad my internet crashed as i was writing this #i finished the whole fucking thing and hit save draft and it fucking.#it fucking didn't #it saved half of it #i had to rewrite and it will never match up to the original and im FUMING bc i liked it so much #so secondary piece of advice: do not fucking write in tumblr drafts #anyways #ask #writing #writing advice #longpost

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