#and alanis is broken up about it

[utilitycaster]

The narrative of D&D

Fantasy High Junior Year has made its exploration of the tropes, mechanics, and structures of D&D readily apparent, perhaps even more so than the earlier two seasons. This is unsurprising for a show in which the characters are, in-universe, extremely aware of their mechanics and indeed in a high school intended to develop them. And yet, while Brennan Lee Mulligan pokes at these structures, the story still rests squarely within them.

This is not accidental; in longer form narratives (and Fantasy High as an overall story certainly is one, though each individual season exists in a strange no-man's land of campaign length) there is a distinctive pattern to the D&D narrative, one that is outright stated in the player's handbook. D&D is a progressive advancement game; characters grow in power and in sociopolitical import as they level up. They begin, even at level 1, as exceptional people (no commoner stats for them) and are destined by the fact that they are in a D&D game for greatness. There are things D&D supports well; travel, social interaction, one-time skill use, and combat. There are things it does poorly, notably downtime and stories that are not built along the lines of heroic fantasy.

I think this is a value neutral statement, in that I think that trying to avoid playing D&D while playing D&D is a futile exercise; your character will become more powerful while playing it and the only way to avoid gaining this power is to play a different game. I also think that while D&D has the potential to comment on our world from a new perspective, as most speculative fiction does, and is certainly not without flaws, that conversation is one for a later date. The structure exists; like it or not, it exists. There are other games to play that support other stories.

Fantasy High is direct in its engagement: characters are aware of their classes. They learn about the conventions thereof in their high school coursework, and must justify their multiclassing, both with their current level of power in their base class as well as with what they have done (both narrative and mechanical justifications). The antagonists of Junior Year are the Rat Grinders, explicitly commenting on Experience vs. Milestone leveling; several characters provide an eye into such D&D player tropes as min-maxxing and focusing on RP vs only on the game and mechanical elements. The Seven, set in the same world, operates on a similar premise; the party risks being broken up because half are still in high school and they would not survive a split of that level. Adventurers at the Aguefort Academy must adventure, and both the humor and deconstruction come from the juxtaposition of the conventions of D&D with the typical life of a high school student. The characters do level up; they do become more recognizable; they do have to save the world, repeatedly.

A somewhat subtler deconstruction comes in the form of NADDPod's first campaign, or as it was introduced, The Campaign after the Campaign. As envisioned by Brian Murphy (a player in Fantasy High; it is perhaps relevant that the two shows both began production around the same time), the world in which it is set is grappling with the aftermath of the "campaign" of the three legendary heroes Alanis, Thiala, and Ulfgar, who had slain Asmodeus, among other feats. While this ended a war, it set off several crucial events. Most centrally to the story of NADDPod, Thiala, disillusioned with her role as the healer, broke her worship of Pelor and used the heart of Asmodeus to ascend to godhood; she would eventually become the final antagonist of the campaign. However, the death of Asmodeus also set off a power vacuum in Hell. NADDPod's third campaign is set two centuries after the first, and the new legendary heroes (the Band of Boobs of the first campaign) have been dealing with the aftermath of an extraplanar war of the gods; Mothership, the main antagonist, arose in Thiala's wake. This is all typical actions leading to consequences, but the idea that the butterfly that flapped its wings was the resentment of someone having to play the cleric is notable (and is directly contrasted by Emily Axford's Bahumia characters, who openly embrace healing and support casting, breaking Thiala's cycle while cleaning up her mess.) But NADDPod too is heroic fantasy, even with the science fantasy elements present in the second season, and even slots nicely into the PHB tiers.

Critical Role does not, per se, strive to deconstruct in the same way (though Matt Mercer does provide some direct retorts to Forgotten Realms lore, particularly that of drow). But like NADDPod, the consequences of past campaigns influence subsequent ones. Campaign 1 is very easily recognizable as a classic "gain influence and power" story, and while Campaign 2's heroes the Mighty Nein retain a refreshingly low profile throughout the story, it does still progress in a typical way, though in a rather more self-directed manner.

Campaign 3 is interesting, in that it initially deviates from some of the more classic tropes of early D&D, but ultimately succumbs (to its benefit, in my opinion) to the inertia of the heroic fantasy arc. Bells Hells do not work their way up from level 1 or 2 taking on odd jobs; they begin the campaign by joining up with a benevolent patron, and several party members have pre-existing powerful connections. They receive the use of a skyship by episode 22 and level 6 (something even Vox Machina considered having to steal at level 13) and inherit it not long after. And yet: despite this, and a pivotal set piece of the apogee solstice in which a comparatively low level party plays a part among many factions, following a brief split the campaign begins to run on more familiar tracks. For all the early privileges the team enjoyed and the theological debates they engaged in, they ultimately find themselves in a position identical to that of the archetypal Vox Machina: facing an evil wizard who, after a rushed solstice ritual mid-campaign, only partially unsealed a long-imprisoned ancient deity of manipulation and destruction and now wishes to finish the job. One must assume Delilah Briarwood is appreciating the parallels from within Laudna's psyche.

Worlds Beyond Number is a player on the scene to watch out for, especially because Mulligan has shown himself to enjoy playing with these tropes and his players are all immensely knowledgeable and experienced players (and in Aabria Iyengar's case, DMs) themselves. Rather like Bells Hells, two of its three characters are coming in already in storied positions, despite being level 2, and it will be interesting to see if it bucks the trend. I don't think it needs to. I think there's plenty of variety to be had within this subgenre, and I think a quiet pushing at the boundaries is frequently more effective than full-scale subverstion. But should that be the plan, it will take a lot of work; even with immense awareness of the path D&D sets forth it seems DMs - and players - tend to stay on it.

#i gotta make a separate like. website-based blog for shit like this i'm basically writing articles for free (which. they'd still be free) #cr tag #d20 tag #naddpod tag #wbn tag #i'd been thinking of this since fhjy got really into it and some joking around about c1 vs. c3 parallels motivated me to finally write it #anyway! hope you like it. #also i killed a very hilarious darling here expect a shitpost soon probably

[hawkeyeslaughter]

a comprehensive list of songs and lyrics that remind me of hawkeye pierce ( either about him / his perspective ) ( will be updated )

angst / sad

— johnny cash , hurt — “ what have i become / my sweetest friend / everyone i know / goes away in the end “

— jason isbell , white elephant — “ there’s one thing that’s real clear to me / no one dies with dignity / we just try to ignore the elephants of now “

— todd snider , too soon to tell — “ and dear lord if you’re up there / you sure got some nerve / seems like even the wicked / they get worse than they deserve “

— warren zevon , hasten down the wind — “ she’s so many women / he can’t find the one who was his friend / so he’s hangin’ on to half her heart / he can’t have the restless part / so he tells her to hasten down the wind “

— boy genius , afraid of heights — “ when the black water ate you up / like a sugar cube in a teacup / i got the point you were making / when i held my breath ‘ till you came up “

— surf curse , freaks — “ i am just a freak / my head is filled with parasites / i dream of you almost every night / hopefully i won’t wake up this time “

— dandelion hands , i could have sworn you were dead — “ i could have sworn you were dead / but i saw you in a dream last night / there were flowers growing out of your head / and it made me smile “

— todd snider , carla — “ leaving me was one thing carla / why’d you have to leave so slow / i didn’t mind you walking away / what hurt was how you walked so slow “

— willie nelson , angel flying too close to the ground — “ and i patched up your broken wing / and hung around awhile / trying to keep your spirits up / and your fever down “

fun

— bruce springsteen , born to run — “ together wendy we can live with the sadness / i’ll love you with all of the madness in my soul “

— todd snider , ballad of the devil’s backbone tavern — “ life’s too short to hurry / life’s too long to wait / too short not to love everybody / life’s too long to hate “

— hozier , someone new — “ i fall in love just a little oh , little bit / every day with someone new “

— mgmt , me and michael — “ in every scene , it’s me and michael / imaginary bombs raining down from the clouds / so it seems / the danger will never let the feelings die “

— billy joel , only the good die young — “ we might be laughing a bit too loud / oh , but that never hurt no one “

— alanis morissette , hand in my pocket — “ i’m sad , but i’m laughing / i’m brave , but i’m chicken shit / i’m sick , but i’m pretty , baby “

— aha , take on me — “ take on me ( take on me ) / take me on ( take on me ) / i’ll be gone / in a day or two “

— crosby , stills , & nash , love the one you’re with — “ well there’s a rose / in the fisted glove / and eagle flies / with the dove / and if you can’t be / with the one you love / honey , love the one you’re with “

love songs

— r.e.m , at my most beautiful — “ i found a way to make you / i found a way / a way to make you smile “

— john prine , iris dement , in spite of ourselves — “ in spite of ourselves / we’ll end up sitting on a rainbow / against all odds / honey , we’re the front door prize “

— arctic monkeys , baby i’m yours — “ baby i’m yours ( baby i’m yours ) / and i’ll be yours / until two and two is three “

—the cults , always forever — “ you and me / always forever “

— coldplay , sparks — “ and i know i was wrong / but i won’t let you down / oh , yeah , yeah , yeah i will / yes i will “

old songs

— etta james , one for my baby — “ i could tell you a lot / but i know you got to remain / true to your code / just make it one for my baby / and one more for the road “

— elvis presley , love me — “ treat me like a fool / treat me mean and cruel / but love me “

— frank sinatra , i get a kick out of you — “ some , they go for cocaine / i’m sure that if i took even one sniff / that would bore me terrifically , too / but i get a kick out of you “

— dooley wilson , as time goes by — “ you must remember this / a kiss is just a kiss / a sigh is just a sigh / the fundamental things apply / as time goes by “

— frank sinatra , in the wee small hours of the morning — “ when your lonely heart has learned its lesson / you’d be her’s , if only she would call / in the wee small hours in the morning / that’s the time you miss her most of all “

i have no explanation for these i honestly can just imagine him liking them . or singing them . obnoxiously .

— the gourds , fossil contender — “ well , how would you feel / if i dug up your head ? / well i wouldn’t want to be answerin’ any of your / loaded questions , no “

— counting crows , mr . jones and me — “ mr . jones wishes he was someone just a little more funky / when everybody loves you / oh son , that’s just about as funky as you can be “

— don mclean , vincent — “ and when no hope was left inside on that starry , starry night / you took your life , as lovers often do / but i could have told you , vincent / that this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you “

— warren zevon , werewolves of london — “ you hear them howlin’ around your kitchen door / better not let ‘em in / little old lady got mutilated late last night / werewolves of london again “

— queen , bohemian rhapsody — “ mama , ooh / i don’t wanna die / sometimes wish i’d never been born at all “ ( i’m sorry but you guys know he’d fucking love this song . idk what to tell you . )

— weezer , buddy holly — “ whoo - wee i look just like buddy holly / oh , oh and you’re mary tyler moore “ ( sorry . again . but we know it’s true )

unfortunately i am under the opinion that hawkeye would know all of the pitch perfect songs . there is nothing you can do to sway me from this opinion .

#ignore that there’s a disproportionate amount of folk songs on here #everything remind me of him . actually #this isn’t even close to being a complete list . lnfoab #mash #m*a*s*h #mashposting #mash 4077 #mashblr #hawkeye pierce #hawkeye

[withlovewriting]

Mixed Drinks and Smoke Rings 24: Be Still and Steadfast, My Broken Soul

Chapter Twenty-four: Be Still and Steadfast, My Broken Soul

Ouch, I have lost myself again, Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found, Yeah, I think that I might break, Lost myself again and I feel unsafe, Be my friend, hold me, wrap me up, unfold me, I am small, and needy, Warm me up, and breathe me.

Summary: New to town, you didn’t need a friend, you needed a dealer. Thankfully, a girl from your Narcotics Anonymous meetings knew just the guy.

Characters: Fezco (euphoria) x Non-descriptive Reader

Words: 3,517

Chapter Warnings: Mentions of addictions, vague mentions of previous threats, violence (soz cal), withdrawal 

Series Warnings: Addiction, sexual themes, cursing, abuse (various), smut, drug use, teenagers being fucking idiots. 18+ only, minors DNI

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Masterlist

taglist: @iamasimpingh0e @chelseagirl77 @zeida @f8talism @alanis-altair @purplebtsmagic @fuckrigthoff @slytherinambitious​

Your skin crawled, and the desperate desire to scratch it off until you were nothing but bloody muscle and bone itched away at your brain. Rubbing a hand over your clammy forehead, you tried to ignore how warm you felt with Fez's chest pressed against your back as Rue's watchful eyes studied you for just a moment.

"It is fucking so because... I came up with an amazing fuckin' plan."

"And what would that be, Rue?" He asked, hands settled on your hips as you stood between his open legs, the boy perched on the counter as he sent Rue a dubious look. He knew his friend, therefore he knew whatever was about to come out of her mouth was not going to be a good idea, regardless of how genius she thought it was.

"Alright, so..." Rue cleared her throat, moving into the center of the kitchen when Faye finally shut the fridge door, a plate of leftovers in her hand, "All you would have to do is front me like, $5,000 worth of drugs, okay? And-"

"Hell the fuck no." Fez interrupted, his thumbs rubbing small circles onto your hips.

The two continued to argue as you ignored them, uninterested in Rue's self-proclaimed genius endeavor and much more interested in keeping whatever food you had left in your stomach down.

Truth was, you were currently in the middle of withdrawal, your body aching for more drugs that you couldn't bring yourself to ask from Fezco.

His supply was much broader now, and although he wasn't comfortable selling hard shit, he had a suitcase to get rid of and more than willing to pay customers. Something told him that whilst Mouse was one scary mother fucker, Laurie was somehow worse.

Laurie -- much like his grandmother -- didn't need the big, scary attitude to be the best in the business. Her respect wasn't necessarily earned, but it was there. And Fezco wasn't about to fuck it up because Rue suddenly decided she was a genius. He didn't even want to hear her plan.

Chest heaving, you pushed yourself from Fez's grip, trying to act as nonchalantly as possible as you strode toward the bathroom, knowing all you'd be able to bring up was acid from your empty stomach.

"Uh, is she okay?" Rue questioned, thumb pointing in your direction when she heard the distant sounds of your gagging.

Fez's brows were drawn in a quiet concern, but he'd learned the hard way that you didn't want him fussing over you as you were puking your guts up when he tried to comfort you the previous night, and you'd all but slammed the door in his face.

You'd told him it was a stomach bug, offering to head home in case you infected him, Ash, or Faye, but the boy wouldn't have it. You couldn't help the guilt that bubbled under the surface of your skin when he brought you in a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

That one definitely wasn't fun to bring back up.

"She's just a little under the weather," Fez sighed, running a hand over his head.

Faye, who was picking through the left-overs nodded, "She's been sick for a few days."

Rue didn't quite believe them. Or rather, she didn't quite believe you.

"I'll go check-"

"I wouldn't if I were you. She damn near ripped me another one when I tried to check on her last night."

Making her way into the kitchen and grabbing a glass to fill with water, she ignored her friends grumble, making her way to the bathroom and knocking twice,

"It's me. Can I come in?"

Rue took your noncommittal grunt as a yes, pushing the door open gently before slipping in and locking the door. Her watchful gaze was on you as she handed you the glass of water, your hands shaking as you tried to press the glass to your lips.

In a low whisper, she leaned in, "It's not a bug, is it?"

"Rue, I don't-"

Rue's eyebrow lifted as you placed the glass onto the floor, spilling a little in your unsteady grip, "I know withdrawal when I see one. Why don't you ask Fezco-"

"He doesn't know, Rue. And I don't intend for him to. Plus, it's nothing he'd sell to me anyway."

Blinking for a moment, realization hit Rue like a train, "Holy shit. The heroin we found... You're still doing that shit?"

"Keep your voice down," your eyes were wide as you pressed your hand against her mouth, your whispered shout not much quieter than hers. Running a hand over your forehead, you took a deep breath, the overwhelming threat to vomit ready to make good on it's promise, "Just... Just a few times, alright? It's nothing though. I just... I don't need it, alright? It was just-"

"Pretty fucking good?" Rue smirked.

"Pretty fucking great," you stressed, your elbow propping your head up on the toilet seat, "Fuck, Rue. I just... If I just had one more hit, then I'd be done. I could wean myself off and-"

"You know the whole 'one last time, I promise' spiel doesn't really work on other drug addicts, right?"

Releasing a sigh, you shrugged. The fact you didn't have to lie to Rue felt like a blessing, and a curse. Because although she understood, she had also relapsed, and if there was one thing worse than a relapsed drug addict, it was two of them.

"I mean, since Fez isn't gonna listen to my plan -- which really is genius, by the way, like it's literally my best plan to date -- maybe you could help me with it?"

"I don't even have $5 worth of drugs to give anyone, Rue."

"Oh I know," Rue smiled, handing you the glass once more, "But we both know someone who might..."

You stood, watching Rue stutter as she tried to explain her business plan to Laurie, distracted by Bruce as he stood, staring into the fridge, as naked as the day he was born.

It should've been funny, and if you were so badly craving your next hit, you might've found it in you to laugh.

"Uh, I'm in high school, right. Uh, and I have a GPA of 3.95, and let's say, you know, all my friends Jamie, Amy and Lanie also have a GPA over 3.7,"

Laurie hummed, nodding for you both to follow her as she made her way down the few stairs to sit in her armchair.

"And, and, Laurie, these are, these are girls that you would never expect in a million years to be selling. Look, I'm a dreamer, you know, and Steve Jobs is my hero. And, I was just thinking, you know, what if there was a foolproof system to sell... you know, without anyone snitching."

Pressing a few buttons on her chair and raising her legs, Laurie still only hummed, as if she was only half paying attention.

"So, let's say... that uh, hypothetically, of course, uh, we were able to pay Jamie, Amy and Lanie $500 a month to be runners. Now as collateral, we would upload their phones to a cloud that I own."

"Why would you want that?" She shrugged, her eyes focused on the bird in front of her.

"Ah, that's a good question, Laurie," joining you on the sofa, Rue patted down her suit jacket nervously, "Well, you see, even though Jamie, Amy, and Lanie have stellar GPAs, there's also things on their phones that they don't want the world to know about because it would probably jeopardize their ability to get into Yale, Columbia, Harvard, my top choices... Uh, plus, if they ever got busted, we're looking at 6 to 12 months in juvie."

"Intent to sell is a way bigger sentence," Laurie finally turned her attention toward Rue, still poker-faced.

"Not if you're under 18. Which is nothing to having your entire life released and ruined on the internet, so their incentive to snitch is basically reduced to zero."

Closing her eyes, Laurie seemed to relax, "This is an amazing plan, you're a genius. I'll front you a 50k suitcase."

Your eyes almost popped out of your head as Laurie casually walked past the both of you, "Rue, don't do it. I know it seems like a good idea, but-"

"Maybe we should start smaller?"

"10k?"

Your eyes were still wide as you shook your head at her, knowing Laurie was only around the corner, unlocking the cupboard.

"Deal."

Remaining on the couch, Laurie sent a thinly-veiled threat toward the girl, promising that if she screwed her over, she'd get some awful people to do some real awful things. You weren't even sure you'd heard her correctly as you gnawed on your bottom lip, eyes still wide and desperate.

Laurie turned toward you, as if it was the first time she'd noticed your presence, "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, uh, no... Nothing. I just came for, you know, moral support."

Her smile was nothing less than sweet, but after the words she'd uttered to Rue, you could almost see the threat in her eyes as she nodded, "Okay. Well, don't forget what I said. Either of you."

Rue dropped you off near Fez's house, chatting non-stop as she gave you a ride, declining your offer to hold the suitcase so she wouldn't crash, and by the time you'd arrived back at Fezco's, you felt worse than you did before.

Pushing open the door and ready to excuse yourself to bed, you practically skidded as you saw a familiar man sat at the dining table, Ash's shotgun pointed at his forehead.

Four sets of eyes turned to you as you stood there, eyes and mouth wide, trying to take in the sight before you.

"God, your family's like a wart. No getting rid of you." You mumbled, finding it harder and harder to keep your eyes open.

"Nice to see you again too, young lady. My eldest son sends his well wishes-" his voice cut off as Ash pressed the barrel against his temple a little more force, tilting his head slightly to the side.

Turning his attention back to Fez, he silently watched as you sat down on the couch next to Faye, accepting the joint she offered, "You beat up my son."

"Yeah, well, he deserved it, man. He's a fuckin' bitch."

You should've known Fez would go for the honest answer, refusing to back down, even to someone like Cal,

"Oh, okay, tough guy."

Ash's movements were so quick, you barely had time to realize he'd turned the gun, hitting Cal in the side of the head with it before resuming his previous stance. The boy wasn't here to fuck around.

"Ow, fuck! Why did you do that?"

"Cause you're in no position to talk shit," Ash replied simply, ignoring Cal's threat as he hit him again, "Why don't you call the cops?"

Through clenched teeth, Cal glared at the boy, and despite knowing firsthand that Ash could protect himself, it still made you feel uneasy to see a grown man threatening a kid, "The Chief of police, Will Greenwood-"

Ash barely hesitated, hitting the man a handful of times as everyone stood around watching. Fez, who was perched on the back of the couch placed a hand over yours, linking your fingers together as you watched the scene unfold with an obvious unease, "Alright, Ash. Chill out man."

"This guy don't want the fuckin' cops involved." Ash huffed, barely flinching as he watched the trail of blood run down the side of Cal's face, "Watch."

Placing his phone on the table in front of him, Ash told Cal to call the cops.

"Dial, bitch."

Ash hit him again, knowing damn well there was something bigger here than Cal's sudden protectiveness over a child that he didn't really even like, "If you got nothin' to hide, call the fuckin' cops."

Ash continued to goad the man, and with a few more hits, Fez finally sighed, "All right, man. I get it."

"I know that you and your little drug addict friends are trying to extort my son."

Cal rubbed the blood from his vision as best he could, his eyes focusing on Fez's hand wrapped around yours, "What?"

"Because of what I did to her friend."

"The fuck you talkin' about, man?"

Cal's random admittance to a crime none of you had even known about caused your brow to furrow as he explained that he didn't even know Jules age. If you didn't feel horrific before, you definitely did now.

"You tellin' me you had sex with Jewel?" Fez seemed almost as shocked as you did, his brow pushed up toward his hairline.

Even worse, he'd recorded it.

"Yo, you recorded that shit?"

"I didn't know-"

"You didn't know that you were recording? Did she know that you were recording?" Your voice was slightly higher, unable to hide your shock. When Cal's head dipped, you huffed out a humorless laugh, "Ash?"

Without hesitance, the boy hit Cal one last time, causing him to cry out in pain. Sure, it didn't help matters, but the piece of shit -- at bare minimum -- deserved it.

"God, I fucked up."

"Obviously, man. Who the fuck even told you I gave a shit about this anyway?"

"My son," Fezco's ocean blues turned toward you, but you simply shrugged, "Not Aaron."

"Nate? The one that's in love with Jewel? What kind of weird-ass father-son shit is goin' on around here, bro?"

"I'm extremely confused,"

"You're confused? I'm fuckin' confused, bro."

"Me too." Faye spoke up as she blew out a breath of smoke.

"I don't even know what the fuck you're doin' here."

"Do you mind if I just leave? I'm not gonna say a word about anything, I swear to God. Let's just pretend like... none of this ever happened."

Ash was shaking his head, gun still pointed at the man, but with a reassuring squeeze to your hand, Fez released it and made his way out of the room, calling for Ash to join him.

Sitting in an uncomfortable silence, you squeezed your eyes shut. Was this really happening? God, fucking hell, you knew you should've just got something from Laurie. Weed wasn't enough in this situation.

"Do you and your son, like... Do you like, fuck people together?"

Thankfully, Fez and Ash returned, putting Cal out of his misery.

"I'mma let you walk up outta here on one condition. You'll keep your bitch-ass son out of our fuckin' life. And Rue's, and Jewel's. Til the end of fuckin' time. You understand?"

"I promise."

"Now I don't know shit about no fuckin' disc, man. That's not my problem," turning his attention to his brother, Fez walked toward the couch, sitting down as he threw an arm over your shoulder, "Now get this motherfucker up outta here, Ash."

You didn't go to the NA meeting that night. Shit, you could barely get out of bed by 6pm, let alone sit in an hour long meeting as people talked about their shitty lives and the reasons they'd turned to drugs. You just couldn't stomach it.

You knew Fez was concerned, but you were hoping he didn't try to push it as he did the previous night. He wouldn't stop fussing over you, which if you were actually sick, you would've lapped up like a kitten with milk.

But you were clammy, uncomfortable, nauseous and agitated. The last thing you wanted was to be baby'd, yet you couldn't force yourself to pack up and head home.

Sure, your father was sober, but you felt as if your presence -- especially a non sober presence would either push him back into his own addictions, or make him realize your own. Neither of those options were favorable, so instead, you buried down in Fez's bed, trying to shut out the pain.

Fez joined you a few hours later. The boy had been watching TV with Faye, counting down the minutes until it was deemed an acceptable bedtime and neither you, or his brother, would give him shit. Ash wasn't necessarily coming around to the idea of Faye staying with them, but he at least didn't always leave the room whenever she entered.

It was progress.

You had been in and out of consciousness for a while, waking up shaking, yet covered in sweat. Your body felt weak, and it was a never-ending struggle to push yourself up out of bed and away from the human-heater that was Fez's body.

Pushing your way into the bathroom, you felt almost instant relief as your bare feet met the cool floor tiles.

A dull pain spread across your abdomen, almost like cramps, and you found yourself gasping out in pain, arm flailing forward and knocking off some of the body care necessities that lined the bath as your weak knees finally crumbled, leaving in you a shaking pile on the floor.

And that was how Fez found you only a few seconds later, stumbling in as he wiped the sleep from his eyes. Brain and body still fuzzy from sleep, he fell to his knees next to you as you curled up in a fetal position.

"Ma, what's goin' on?" As if seeing you in this state ripped Fez out of his half-asleep demeanor, his voice was loud, too loud, as his hands roamed over your body, checking for any signs of injury.

Unable to respond, you let out a long whine as your arms tightened around your abdomen, hoping it would somehow ease the pain. Your tears were free flowing by this point, and Fez's warm had wiping them away did little to sooth you.

"C'mon, I'mma take you to the hospital, this shit aint normal-"

"No," your voice was feeble and barely above a whisper, "It's not... I'm not-"

You were cut off by a groan, the pain radiating throughout your entire body. Every bone, every muscle, every nerve, felt like they were on fire.

Fez was silent for a moment, watching you with his hand against your face, mid-way through pushing some hair off your sweaty forehead, "What you mean, Ma?"

You knew that at the hospital, you'd get pain relief. Good and legal pain relief. But one look at your previous medical history, and the most they'd offer was some shitty Tylenol. You'd rather just remain curled up on Fez's bathroom floor. Somehow, that felt less embarrassing.

"Shit man, she good?"

Fez looked up, seeing his brother -- shotgun cocked but now at ease -- and Faye, arms wrapped around herself as she peered down at you.

Before Fez could respond, you tried to swallow another wail, your body jerking slightly. Faye's eyes were wide for a second, watching you in silence before she finally spoke up, "She's not sick, is she?"

As if she held the last remaining piece of a puzzle that Fez just couldn't finish, everything seemed to slot together. He could finally see the bigger picture.

"Everything's good, just, uh... go back to bed. She's gonna be fine."

Hesitantly, the two returned to their respective beds, Ash heading back to his room as Faye settled back onto the couch.

Once he heard Ash's door shut, Fez placed his hand under your cheek, lifting it slightly to look you in the eyes, voice barely above a murmur, "Baby?"

Unable to hold yourself together, you didn't bother to hold in the tears as you watched him finally catch on. It was phrased as a question, almost as if he needed you to admit it, to say those words, but he already knew.

Despite popular belief, Fezco wasn't an idiot. And if there was anything he knew about well, it was drugs. He almost wanted to hit himself for not realizing sooner. It was staring him in the fucking face for so long.

Crying only caused your aching body more pain, but you were unable to control it. You were a blubbering, shaking mess as you tried to apologize to Fez, barely able to actually speak as pained groans escaped your lips.

His eyes softened as he watched you, heart bruised, but still beating, and although he knew you would eventually have to talk about it, Fez knew now wasn't the time. Or particularly the place.

Instead, he grabbed a face cloth from the side, dampening it with cold water before squeezing out the water. Lowering himself, he placed it across your forehead before laying down on the floor behind you, his chest pushed into your back. Body curling around yours, he lifted your head onto his bent elbow, keeping you comfortable from the hard floor.

His hand stroked down your arm, tracing the goosebumps until he pushed his hands under yours, shifting your knuckles from your stomach, where you were trying to ease the pain.

Pushing up your shirt, his hand slowly began to rub along your stomach in small circles, pressing in gently as he whispered soft, soothing coos at you, kisses placed against your shoulder blade,

"It's okay, baby. I gotchu. I always gotchu."

#fezco euphoria #fez euphoria #fezco x you #fez x you #fezco fanfic #fez fanfic #fezco x y/n #fez x y/n #fezco fanfiction #fez fanfiction #fezco imagine #fez imagine #fezco smut #fez smut #fezco x reader #fez x reader #euphoria fanfic #euphoria fanfiction #mixed drinks and smoke rings #heyyyy so i am super bad with updates lately #and the only excuse i have is that work has been manic #i've been working 6 days a week doing 12 hour shifts #i literally havent had time to eat or shit some days #but thank you so much to everyone who is reading <3

[patronsaintofhomosandpain]

A Slice Of The Birthday Train-wreck

Characters & story by Izzy Gentz (me!)

Drabble sent in by @stargazer-sims

693 words

Trigger warnings: swearing, family problems, drug use mention, dark humor.

Notes:

Yes, I know a drabble is supposed to be 100 words, but I DO NOT CONTROL THE AMOUNT OF WORDS I WRITE!!!! Also, I know this drabble was supposed to be about "cake," but evidently, this is the story that wanted to be told... I mean, cake, birthday... That's not too much of a stretch, right?

Thank you again to everyone who sent me one of these, and thank you for your patience.

A Slice Of The Birthday Train-wreck

No-where-fucking-good, WA

November 2 2005

14:00

Parker

---------

Conner, I know you opened this 'cause you're always bitching about being the only one who checks the mail so do me a favor and just hand this to Courtney.

Dearest Courtney, YOU ARE A BITCH! I wish I never met you never mind let you talk me into going home for my birthday!!!!

Thanks to you I've had the worst three days of my life, and that's coming from someone who has been legally dead.

You know, shit was actually going okay and I was delusional enough to think this might be the first of twenty-three birthdays that wasn't pure shit.

You know, my dad picked me up from the train station, he didn't once remind me how much easier it would be if I still had my car.

When I got to the house my little brother wanted to draw with me, we watched cartoons for like three hours straight. My sisters didn't just ignore me the entire time we had dinner, my middle sister even said she liked my hair. My mom made a cake that I swear was probably the second best thing that's ever been in my mouth and I didn't wake up with a broken spine from the couch.

Even when I was going to leave this morning, my ice queen of a mother gave me a HUG for Christ's sake! She even packed me a huge slice of this triple chocolate orgasm for the train.

Speaking of, this tall, gorgeous, professor-looking dude sat right next to me at the train station. He started talking to me, I got annoyed 'cause he could clearly see my headphones but he talked smoothly so I got over it.

And when he told me to get up and follow him, I thought "Damn, this week can't get any better!"

He took me into the bathroom and told me to get on my knees, and when I did he slammed and locked the door in my face, and took off with my bag!

I jimmied the lock and found out he was nice enough to leave my ticket and slice of cake of all things.

Luckily the train showed up almost as soon as I came out of the bathroom, but the ride sober and without headphones was going to last an eternity!

At least, that's what I thought before the train broke down three hours into the trip!

Did you know trains could break down? I didn't even know trains could break down!

But all of a sudden the train stopped in the middle of nowhere and the power went out and someone had to come tell us it would be a few hours before we got rescued unless we could call someone to come pick us up but guess who doesn't have a fucking quarter.

So anyway, I'm stuffing my face with the only thing that has survived the Alanis Morissette song that is my life, this beautiful chocolate cake (which is in pieces btw), while I'm writing this, and the reason I'm writing this? 'Cause I'm assuming you'll get this around the same time they call you to come pick up my mangled corpse after I've finally had enough and laid across the tracks, and if not it will be amazing proof for me to NEVER TRUST COURTNEY EVER AGAIN!!!

Should this be the words I ever speak I leave a message to each of you;

Nate, you know the rule we made and you know all the hiding spots, I never made new ones. I know I said I did but I didn't so don't worry about it.

Conner, I know you've been waiting for this day since we met in high school, my only request is that you make the dance on my grave sick as fuck and not just the regular jig.

Aaron, as the baby daddy of our beanie baby, I leave you all twenty-seven dollars and ninety-six cents in my bank account. Make sure Beanie goes to a good college.

Courtney, I WILL SEE YOU IN HELL, YOU BOTTLE BLONDE BITCH!!!!!!

With love,

Parker W.

#writeblr #writing #writblr #writers #short story #drabble #writing drabble #original character #original writing #original story #writers on tumblr #writerscommunity #writer things #writerscorner #writerslife #book blog

[sometimesoliloquy]

The Handmaid’s Tale 5x08 “Motherland” (or “This is Not the Beach you’re Looking for”) 👀

Whoo boy, sorry this one’s so late, life and stuff has got my brain feeling broken this past week. Let’s see if I can string some coherent sentences together about this episode, where in addition to heavy parallels on motherhood (and Serena and June again, of course), some big/dramatic events also seem to finally be put into motion, and it only took 4/5 of the season to do (yay I can do fractions, my brain isn’t fully broken!). I have to say, though, taking everything into consideration I am nervous as hell for episode 9... 

So we open 5x08 with June daydreaming: a flashback of June making pancakes with Hannah, but jarred to reality by blaring car horns, as asshole protestors yell in the background. Apparently now they have to deal not only with the wannabe Gilead cult member nutjobs, but also a suddenly Canadian nationalistic fervor bringing mobs who look and sound like they just came from a Trump rally, but carrying beaver signs and saying “eh” a lot more. June’s phone rings and we learn it’s Serena (again), apparently she’s been telemarketing the shit out of June for a month while in detention. Moira expresses surprise that Serena even thinks they would help her, meanwhile honestly I’m wondering how she even got June’s digits. Luke can tune out the protestors and doesn’t seem to give a shit about newborns dying in the woods (does anything bother this guy? (spoiler: we find out later).

Dramatically ominous music plays over a cut of crashing waves and cawing seagulls and I’m thinking someone on THT is definitely a Hitchcock fan (first the Vertigo inspired Wheeler household and now an ode to The Birds). We narrow in to our favorite pithy commander Lawrence giving several other commanders a tour of the shiny new location for The Real Housewives of Gilead New Bethlehem. The only one I recognize aside from Jlaw and his sidekick puppy Nick is that smug bastard Calhoun (who really reminds me soo much of a youngish Republican senator), so ostensibly they’ve done a good job of whittling down the competition. Calhoun seems fully on board with what Jlaw touts as the more modernized, liberal Gilead, where they can welcome back prodigal sons and daughters to get away from those nasty Canadians and reunite with family (more on that in a second). New Commander McBeardy expresses skepticism and wants to know how they’ll keep this from their “people” in “Gilead Proper” because after all if the people who Gilead proper isn’t super amazing for start trying to defect to diet Gilead, who will they have left to oppress and torture? Jlaw  however  reminds him that Gilead isn’t exactly free press friendly (RIP Globe reporters). I mean not to mention half their population gets body parts cut off for reading. And here I am skeptical, because while Jlaw certainly has a point about the press, if one of the intents was to reunite the new New Bethlehemites with family in Gilead… wouldn’t… people in Gilead proper come to know about it? Would they just be secretly kidnapping these people from Gilead and forcibly relocating them in NB? McBeardy is likewise still not convinced but Nick reminds him of the bullet he put in Putnam’s head lack of moral fortitude and the Commander changes his tune reeeal quick. He concedes, admitting he was hearing the “deceased Putnam”  in his ears (I thought I heard “diseased” at first but my subtitles say deceased and honestly I guess either works), as our Gilead mafia duo walk smugly away.

Speaking of smug, for once Serena is not: sadly pumping in a not so private corner of the detention center visitors area (hm why does this look familiar?).

For, as we soon see, Mrs Alanis Wheeler arrives to (very reluctantly) pick up, because OF COURSE she’s stealing the baby fostering Noah while Serena's detained. Alanis talks about pregnancy hormones like they are  something she knows about, while being the utmost amount of condescending and complaining about the baby she’s stolen (hi, Naomi!). She's doing the "crying it out" method on a one month old and I really don't know shit about babies but even I can tell that's not right. Such a warm woman, it's a wonder why little Noah cries so much! Serena is clearly too emotional and sentimental and weak minded to be a mother, though, because if there's anything newborn babies need it's discipline. Serena reminds Alanis (and us) that she's a big baddie who overthrew a country... but unfortunately she gave all that up to chase after June's baby, who she was trying to steal, who she's also completely forgotten about now that Noah has filled the baby sized hole in her womb. Back at the Bankhole/Osborne/Strand household, the three are scrubbing anti immigration graffiti off their sidewalk while the aforementioned mob of protesters obnoxiously parades by. I guess it only took a few years of US refugees streaming into their country, and for some reason being able to afford really nice houses in their crowded city, for Canadians to stop being polite, and start getting real. June very casually relates the task to scrubbing blood off the wall in Gilead (ya know, from the hanging dead bodies. Same same). Luke pretends like she didn't say that, and asks if they should just say fuck it and move to one of the 2 far away remaining US states or Europe as if the entire show hasn’t been about trying to get back their daughter who’s trapped just right over the border in a hellish regime, which June reminds him of (oh, right). But before this can go any further, she gets a surprise call from Mr. Commander Lawrence of all people (I wonder what he wants).

June meets JLaw for a lovely stroll along the waterfront while he rambles esoterically about his esoteric vision for Gilead and how it all went wrong because he underestimated the depravity of religious nutjobs (really, my guy? I thought you were supposed to be a mental giant or something but ok, maybe my bar is just skewed from having grown up Catholic). He gives her the New Bethlehem sales pitch, which she extremely side eyes until he claims she will be able to reunite with Hannah once she's "grown" (so like 14 I guess) and running her own household. At this point I have to be super skeptical, because for Jlaw to "bring Hannah to New Bethlehem" I assume her new husband, whoever he might be, would have to be OK with it (not to mention I can't imagine Cmdr. MacKenzie would just be super cool with it), so I' not sure if he just has that much confidence in his far-reaching power or he's bullshitting her to win her over, but I'm kind of leaning towards the latter. But he does know June's achilles heel. Seeming to miss the fact that Hannah would already be married off in this case, which is her #1 goal in trying to stop, she's just emotionally overwhelmed with the possibility of being able to be near Hannah. Lawrence reassures her of her safety by saying Nick has been helping with this pet project, he's been grooming Nick, not sexually (I mean clearly Nick is so attractive that it bears clarification). Luke is shockingly not so excited by this proposal. New Gilead Bethlehem is one place he does not want to move to (not that I blame him in this case). June argues that she would risk anything to be with Hannah again, "wouldn't you?" and Luke says "of course" but I mean he is also  literally saying that he wouldn't, here, so it seems like a bit of a contradiction. He insists they focus on getting Hannah out, because that's worked so well so far, and June reminds him of what a fucking disappointment Tuello is (sorry, Mark!) and the uselessness of the entire remaining US government in general ("they're politicians, they don't give a shit about us"/"what has the American government done for us?"). He proceeds to call Jlaw a nazi and I was half expecting him to bring up June's "nazi" boyfriend as well but of course they dance silently around the topic of Nick as usual. The only thing I agree with Luke on here is that they should NOT take Nichole anywhere near those motherfuckers (or child fuckers, I guess). When Luke tries to egregiously mansplain June’s trauma and womanly emotions to her, it surprisingly doesn’t go over well. I'm also calling BS on his "I did that (turned Serena in) for you!", nah, my dude, you clearly did that for you. What also doesn't go over well is him saying "just let me protect you sometimes", but I very much appreciate that June and I seem to be on the same damn page here, because a second after I yelled "she doesn't fucking NEED your protection!!" at the tv (what, you don't do that??) she says basically the same thing to him. Amen, June. She doesn't need his protection, but Hannah does. Lawrence visits Serena in detention, and tells her he's generously "helped her" by convincing the Wheelers to let her return to her handmaid room in their house to nurse Noah. Lawrence talks about her breasts and then is done talking about her breasts. He reminds her the Wheelers have legal status to care for the baby, which I guess finally answers my question of their citizenship because they must (technically) be Canadian citizens then, not Gileadean, right? She still insists she will not "live in the same house as her child's kidnappers" which makes Lawrence correctly ask if she has an "irony deficiency" (I mean). At this point I think Serena does actually see what a flaming hypocrite she is but doesn’t  give a fuck because she still thinks she's better than the hundreds of women she helped enslave as handmaids.

It’s nighttime and June is comforting an adorable little baby Nichole who is disturbed by the asshole protesters again. She sings her to sleep with a song she used to sing Hannah "let me be your mirror" and it's a very sweet moment (I didn't even notice the doll from Nick until others pointed it out but I love that attention to detail here). June softly tells a now peacefully sleeping Nichole that she wants her to know her big sister, that she would love her, and at this point I'm very much thinking about The Testaments, and I'm both sad about it and also kind of excited for it? I’m also kind of hoping they incorporate the song into the Testaments, as maybe a kind of vague hazy memory they both have. June wakes up the next morning still in Nichole's bed, hearing Luke and Tuello talking downstairs. She interrupts and Tuello tries to appeal to June's patriotism and sense of civic duty but she "not without my daughter”'s him. She continues to bully classified military information out of him but she's not happy with it. June has a heart-to-heart on the porch with Rita, who apparently has not actually dissipated into thin air after all. Rita tells her it would be crazy to consider going back but also that if her son was still alive, she would do anything and go to the ends of the earth to see him again. They have a touching moment of bonding and given how little we’ve seen of Rita this season I hope it’s not actually the last time we’ll see her.

June visits Serena (for a person with no friends she sure does seem to get a lot of visitors) to try and get more information on New Bethlehem. Interestingly, Serena knows that Lawrence has been pitching it "since the beginning" and it's been in the works for years, but she doesn't know much more. She says it seems he has more power than ever implying that maybe because of that he can actually make it work now, which is also interesting because he seemed very powerful, or at least revered, when we first met him, but I think back then he was probably trying to fly under the radar to protect Eleanor, now he's much more cavalier with blatant power moves since he has nothing left to lose except for his life (which he already thought was a goner after Angel's Flight) and his legacy (which ostensibly he is trying to save with this plan). Serena has her own agenda, though, she wants June to help her get out of detention and get her baby back. Really I'd think she'd have better luck trying her boyfriend Tuello, because June finally says what I think we were all hoping she would ever since last episode: "Serena, we are not FRIENDS". Serena, ever the narcissist, assumes June forgave her because she helped her and Noah, but June's like "actually I'm just a good person and a better Christian than you, bitch". June tells her to march her Viking ass back to the Wheelers scary mansion and gives her the 101 on how to be a vengeful, scheming handmaid, and it's pretty fucking delicious. She tells her "you can't help your child if you're not with them", clearly mirroring her own thoughts about Hannah and New Bethlehem. I like that there was kind of a mirroring and chain reaction of women and motherhood here: June asking Rita what she would do and then Serena asking what June would do, and it's different situations but basically the same answer.   June walks away with new resolve and clarity, and pays a surprise visit to Lawrence, who appears to be at the Gilead embassy propaganda hub" information center" even though I thought it was supposed to be shut down, but maybe in the month that's passed they got the proper permits or whatever? She asks Lawrence to stop Hannah from getting married but hey, "Gilead's gonna Gilead". Not an acceptable answer, June does not want to stand by while her daughter is raped by someone twice her age, although honestly from what we've seen it's more likely to be 3 or 4 times her age (gag). She calls him out for being a sick fuck who created a world where women are abused and tortured, and in a rare moment of seriousness, he shows a glimpse of the full burden of guilt on his shoulders. If he'd known what would have happened he'd have just let the human race die out. He desperately tries to convince her of his plan working, not just to form the "utopia" of New Bethlehem, but for its more modern, liberal values to spread further into Gilead, making it a better, kinder, less murder-y, torture-y Gilead (in like 10-15 years). That's the thing, though. He seems desperate: for this to work, for it to not all have been for nothing, for Eleanor not to have died for nothing. I wonder if that will end up leading to his downfall.

Speaking of Eleanor, the next scene we see June out in her garden at night (her baby seedlings have graduated), and it reminded me of the scene in season 3 where June has to bury  the killed Martha at night and sees Eleanor "gardening" in that spot the next day to help cover it up. She's looking up at the moon and thinking about Hannah, but then Luke interrupts her daydream to tell her she got a "package". Inside, they take a disc out of the mysterious envelope and I'm thinking 1) do people really still have disc drives on their laptops anymore?? and 2) I really wish we could tell whose handwriting that is on the envelope... It's a video of a line of girls at the wives school, and we see it zoom in on Hannah as she seems to notice someone filming, and stops for a second until her peers prompt her forward. I have to wonder who or what she’s seeing, as well as who sent the video. I at first assumed Lawrence as most logical(?) but if so he definitely shot his plan in the foot there (unless it’s part of a larger more devious scheme). Nick?? Will we ever know or is it just another mysterious plot device that will never be properly explained? Sigh.

June and Luke fight about New Bethlehem (again) and she lets out some resentment she must have held deep inside for a loong time:"What are you going to do? Same thing you've done for the last 7 years? Fucking NOTHING?" She immediately regrets it but while I think she was definitely sorry it came out in the way it did, I also think she still means it. And not even that she thinks Luke just happily sat on his hands; she knows that he did what he could, within his skills set and imagination. But she also knows from experience how useless, how in vain, that kind of action can be. And it was actually very refreshing to see her pissed at Luke for once, not deferential, or so careful of his feelings. While he is right that they could certainly be walking into danger with Jlaw’s proposal, that the minute they  cross Gilead could put her on the wall, she's also right that his "I don't know, we'll figure it out" just isn't good enough any more. Luke's resentment comes out, too: "you stayed, you stayed for so many years!" , echoing him asking Moira in season 4: "did she choose this? She knew she'd probably never see us again". Which I feel like still comes from a place of ignorance and insecurity (and selfishness?) on his part. I mean, June literally passed up ONE opportunity to escape (end of s2 when she handed Nichole to Emily) and Nichole was born by then so "by  choice" she "stayed" like 1 year max., but ok. I mean she tried to escape before while pregnant but got caught, and then she sacrificed herself to make Angel's flight even happen, if she didn't stay back as a distraction, none of them would have gotten away. June and Luke embrace at the end, after she breaks down, and they obviously have love for each other and always will for Hannah, but their relationship is clearly broken. Back at the NB gated community, Lawrence is now laying the sales pitch on Nick. Nick plays it close to the vest as always but he seems very skeptical. I don't think he wants June or Nichole anywhere near Gilead considering he's risked his life to get both of them out, and his number one priority is to keep them safe. He does not seem tempted by Jlaw's "sister wife" proposal. He wanted the beach in Maui with June and Nichole, not polygamy on this cold-ass beach in Gilead, damnit.

June and Luke have called Tuello about the Hannah video, and they're talking about metadata, and I'm thinking I really liking Tuello's contrasting clothing patterns here, when did he become such a fashionista, and then I'm thinking that I feel either really old or like an idiot or both because I have no fucking clue what metadata is. Data about itself? What does that even mean? How does one obtain a location from that? Was it included in the video on purpose so they  could find the location? Or was it an unintended side effect? I still can't help but like Tuello even if he does have terrible taste in women and is kind of useless. Serena arrives back at her other prison the Wheelers, and is forced to suck up, much like June was in 2x04, except she’s not just been fully broken into a hopeless shell of herself, and she's still getting the extremely  cushy  version of being a handmaid.She’s putting on a contrite face to her wife and commander, but we can see how pissed she is by how tightly she’s clenching her hands behind her back.

Finally, after a quick and insincere "praise be!" (I think one of my favorite things in this show is actually when people say “praise be” as a “fuck you”), she hears her baby crying and runs up (all those) stairs, somehow not gasping for air,  to find him being looked after by  a sweet and lovely nanny, (so at least it's not just "cry-it-out" Alanis) who leaves him in her care. Serena has a beautiful, emotional reunion with Noah, who finally stops crying as she holds and breastfeeds him, certainly different from the scene where she tries to do that with Holly/Nichole back in the day (yikes, awkward, right?). Part of me wants to see what schemes Serena gets into as a handmaid-by-any-other-name but the bigger part of me would be extremely fine with her story line being at least much reduced, because as amazing of an actor Yvonne is, I really don’t think we need “The Handmaid Lite's Tale”. We get it, Serena is getting a taste of her own medicine, can she now just fade into obscurity?

June is super on edge waiting for Tuello to get back to them about the metadata (still don’t know what that means), and she excuses herself  in the middle of dinner to go get apples for Nichole, because Nichole needs apples and they're out of apples, we don't have any apples, Moira! but she doesn't need help getting the apples. She's spacing out at the market, getting apples, when her phone rings and finally Tuello is on the line, miraculously telling her the news she's been dreaming of: the metadata(??) pulled through and they  have the location of Hannah's school, and they're going to do a raid, they're going to get her out (you really can't actually hear that last part but I cheat and use the subtitles, so). June is overwhelmed, she is overjoyed, she is over these apples. She makes a mess and hugs the kindly grocer, before running giddily back down the street, full of hope and joy. And listen, I obviously know it was just a random excuse to get out of the house and keep busy but I also can't help thinking, "WAIT BUT NICHOLE NEEDS THOSE APPLES!" and honestly I have no idea why a toddler would need apples anyway (do they?? Do they even have strong enough teeth to eat apples? Apples are pretty hard. I told you I don't know shit about babies) and I don't know why I'm overthinking the apples this much, but still it kind of bothers me that she just completely abandons the apples the second she gets the news about Hannah and oh my god are the APPLES A METAPHOR??

Anyway, June arrives back at the house, much less breathless than I would be, having sprinted all that way (seriously, what is these women’s workout routine?) and tells Luke and Moira the amazing news. They're of course incredulous and overjoyed as well, jumping up and down in glee, and poor Mark FINALLY gets some love (geez, the poor guy's bound to have self esteem issues by now, right?).

The hopeful music swells as we cut to a beautiful preteen Hannah in another garden. It's not nighttime and the moon isn’t out but she is peacefully  planting, looking up at the sky, and that still seems very  a much a mirror to June earlier. The sound of jet engines roars in the background as we pan out to the birds eye view of the wives school yard, laid out in interlocking "U"'s. ** OK, I'll say it: god, could Luke have been any more condescending this episode? As much as he pissed me off, though, I was actually glad for their fighting, because at least it means they’re not skirting around the real issues anymore (well, except for Nick, I guess). It's so clear to me that the divide between them has been growing again ever since 5x06, with a distinct turning point coming at the end of 5x07, leading directly to their arguments here. He has tried to get on the same page as June, tried to understand her (and she's maybe tried...like, a little bit(?)... to see his perspective). But the fact is that despite their shared bond of their daughter, and as much as Luke hates what has and what could happen to Hannah, and that she's not there with them... I think at least a part of him has given up that they'll ever get her back. He never thought June would escape, probably never thought he'd have her back and be raising another child together. And even if he'll always mourn the loss of Hannah and feel guilty for not being able to protect her, it could be enough for him: to live a life with June and Nichole, move away, move on. But June will never be able to move on; not with Hannah in Gilead, her fate uncertain, married to god knows who. Nothing will ever be "enough" for her as long as Hannah isn't with her, or at least safe. Their arguments in this episode also speak greatly to their different experiences over these past years, which have informed how they now think and operate. Luke has been safe in Canada, though for the most part he's felt helpless here. Maybe at first hopeful that the Canadian government, or what's left of the US government, can do something, but growing more and more jaded of potential progress as time goes by. He's barely had any  news or visibility on Hannah since she was taken at the age of 5, just a few photographs and what June relays to him. So I also think maybe Hannah, and the chance of getting her back, has become less and less concrete over the years, less and less of a possibility  to him. June on the other hand, has actually seen Hannah multiple times, talked to her, even if the last time was traumatizing. She's been so close for years, which both makes Hannah, especially the current version, more real to June, and also makes June's guilt, and desperation, to save her even greater. But while Luke's sense of impotency probably grew as the bureaucratic avenue continued to fail, June actually found a greater strength she never knew she had in Gilead. Her will to survive, her burning anger and love for her child and then children formed her into a bolder, more empowered version of herself. She's achieved impossible things, or things that should have been impossible in Gilead: falling in love, having a healthy baby and getting her away to safety, getting 86 other children and 9 Martha's out, killing multiple commanders, getting out herself. So why shouldn't she keep believing, that no matter how crazy  and impossible it may seem, that she can get Hannah out as well, and save her from the certain fate that awaits her in Gilead. More than that, she has to believe it, much like Lawrence has to believe he can make New Bethlehem a success and eventually reform all of Gilead. Also similar to Lawrence, she is desperate, and that can be dangerous, can cause a person to take serious chances despite the obvious risks. But I think that as long as she can be confident in Nichole's safety, she will risk her life and anything else for the chance of seeing Hannah safe as well. Like Lawrence, she feels like she will either see her mission to fruition, or die trying. And if this raid does not go as planned (which I don't think it will because you know why), even if June doesn't end up going to NB, I can't imagine that she and Luke can keep on like this. So we come full circle with the episode title, "Motherland". Lawrence of course refers to Gilead and New Bethlehem, specifically, as the "Motherland", which is interesting because considering the misogynist patriarchal bullshit that built it, you'd think he'd say "Fatherland". Whether it' Jlaw's nod to the fact that it's the mothers who are really doing the work in perpetuating the human race, or just PR lip service to June, the title also certainly speaks to the very specific and far-reaching territory of motherhood itself: as we see from June, and Rita, and even eventually Serena: a mother will never give up on her child, will risk her own freedom and safety to be with them (no matter who tells them they're being too emotional), and to protect them. It's perhaps the most powerful bond that can exist.

#the handmaid's tale #the handmaids tale season 5 #june osborne #nick blaine #osblaine #tht #tht s5 #Motherland #review #recap

[youreobsessedwithtoomanyfandoms]

10 Lyric Prompts

Basically 10 song lyrics that I could write a fic based on. Well, technically 20 bc 10 angst and 10 non-angst. Anyways, give a number and give a character and I shall write :) (this also gives me inspo)

Angst

1. "And I hate that it seems you were never enough, we were broken and bleeding but never gave up" Another Life by Motionless In White

2. "So please hurry leave, I can't breathe, please don't say you love me" First Love / Late Spring by Mitski

3. "And what the hell were we? Tell me we were just friends" Friends by Chase Atlantic

4. "How did we get? I used to know you so well" Decode by Paramore

5. "Wondering if I dodged a bullet or just lost the love of my life." I Don't Wanna Live Forever by Taylor Swift & ZAYN

6. "We never learn, we've been here before" Sign of the Times by Harry Styles

7. "Fading in, fading out the feeling's gone, it's like we're enemies. Checking in, checking out we're strangers now but I don't believe that love was made to break" Love Was Made To Break by Andy Black

8. "I don't love you I'm just passing the time. You could love me if I knew how to lie" She Had The World Alt. Version by Panic! At The Disco

9. "I had all and then most of you. Some and now none of you. Take me back to the night we met" The Night We Met by Lord Huron

10. "Was I stupid to love you? Was I reckless to help? Was it obvious to everybody else that I'd fallen for a lie? You were never on my side. Fool me once, fool me twice. Are you death or paradise? Now you'll never see me cry. There's just no time to die" No Time To Die by Billie Eilish

Non-angst

1. "One night he wakes, strange look on his face. Pauses, then says You're my best friend. And you knew what it was, he is in love" You Are In Love by Taylor Swift

2. "I like shiny things but I'd marry you with paper rings" Paper Rings by Taylor Swift

3. "You've already won me over in spite of me and don't be alarmed if I fall head over feet. And don't be surprised if I love you for all that you are I couldn't help it It's all your fault" Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette

4. "I should be over all the butterflies, but I'm into you" Still Into You by Paramore

5. "Just double dare me and I promise now that I'll stay" Stupid For You by Waterparks

6. "Don't you dare look back, just keep your eyes on me. I say you're holding back and she says shut up and dance with me" Shut Up and Dance With Me by WALK THE MOON

7. "Our secret moments in your crowded room. They've got no idea about me and you. There is an indentation in the shape of you" Dress by Taylor Swift

8. "You look so perfect standing there in my American Apparel underwear. And I know now, that I'm so down. Your lipstick stain is a work of art, I got your name tattooed in an arrow heart. And I know now, that I'm so down" She Looks So Perfect by 5 Seconds of Summer

9. "So kiss me where I lay down, my hands pressed to your cheeks, a long way from the playground. I have loved you since we were 18. Long before we both thought the same thing, to be loved and to be in love. All I can do is say that these arms are made for holding you" 18 by One Direction

10. "It started with a whisper and that was when I kissed her" Everybody Talks by Neon Trees

#song list #peter parker x reader #loki x reader #steve rogers x reader #pietro maximoff x reader #peter maximoff x reader #charles xavier x reader #warren worthington x reader #scott summers x reader #marvel x reader #xmen x reader #x reader

[naddpod-encounter-tourney]

Heart of the World:

Campaign finale!!!!

The Titans of Boobs travel to the Court of Gods to fight Thiala!

Hardwon does 297 damage in one turn and a total of 1,082 damage through the entire fight, and he did miss a round or two from being knocked out. He also gets to fight Galad for a third time.

Bev takes on his Elder Champion form and at one point bonus action casts revivify on Hardwon. It’s gorgeous.

Handy Andy is used to free Erlin from the necklace on Thiala’s neck.

Balnor wrecks some angels and it’s honestly dope as all hell.

Moonshine turns berserkers into elephants and has pixies cast fly on the elephants. Emily says to Murph “If you want to leave me, I’ll understand” when she conveys this plan. Later, she uses Shapechange to turn into a gold dragon and eats Thiala.

Once the fight is over, they return the divine heart to Telaine and Melora. Alanis, the Traveler from the future, returns and takes Balnor back to his timeline.

Hardwon gets to talk to his dad and moves to the Crick, Moonshine gets to take custody of a dragon (who participates in and helps win the fight in the episode this episode is facing in the poll!), and Bev gets to enjoy being a kid again.

They return to Moonstone for a Jamboreen, and read Balnor’s contingency letter. Our story then ends where it began, and the Hungry Trout Tavern.

Ill Luck Henry:

The Third Mates take on the Green Tweens (forty-year-olds) in the Spring Ring.

The Green Tweens are a bunch of rogues, and they all annoy the hell out of our beloved Two Crew. Things get absolutely brutal at the end of the fight because of how mad the players are.

Once they are defeated, and Walter Madison is annihilated, the flower faction, led by Sir Captain Teenypetals (the secret prince), marches on the tree house to free Leonora.

We finally learn about the extent of Henry’s curse, and that this is his 69th life. If he saves Irina/Allete/Cerenysus, the curse will be broken and his promise will be fulfilled. The main difference this life? Zirk and Fia.

They spend some time studying in books, level up, and head to the Summer Ring to see Callista.

#naddpod episode tournament #naddpod #not another dnd podcast #bahumia #eldermourne

[onlineproblems]

Let's just save everyone some time and annoyance. Instead of posting my entire Spotify library one track a time, cluttering up your dash, here's my top 200 songs (minus the X-Files soundtrack...) so that those who care can look.

Top - Live

Carry on Phenomenon - Kishi Bashi

Gillian Anderson - DeRita Sisters

T.B.D. - Live

Philosophize In It! Chemicalize In It! - Kishi Bashi

The Sandman - PJ Harvey

All Over You - Live

Fall - Davido

Crystal Ship - The Doors

Everyday - Weyes Blood

Shit Towne - Live

Sylvia - The Antlers

Theme for Scanty and Knee Socks - TeddyLoid

Fighting With the Melody - Jimmy Urine

Prometeme - Monsiuer Perine

Doctor Blind - Emily Haines and the Soft Skeleton

Selling the Drama - Live

Bad Girls - Donna Summer

Paralyzer - Finger Eleven

Get It Up - MSI

Stage - Live

Hollywood Baby - 100 Gecs

Fourth of July - Sufjan Stevens

Jesusland - Ben Folds

Broken - UNKLE

Like a G6 - Far East Movement

Sober - Fidlar

A&W - Lana Del Rey

Twilight Time - The Platters

Witch - the bird and the bee

The Perfect Drug - NIN

Mulder and Scully - Catatonia

Concerning the UFO sighting - Sufjan Stevens

Freezing - Mozella

Epilogue - The Antlers

I Alone - Live

Never Wanted to Dance - MSI

A Lot's Gonna Change - Weyes Blood

Iris - Live

Obstacle 1 - Interpol

Jinja - Olamide

The Heaviest Matter of the Universe - Gojira

The Less I Know the Better - Tame Impala

Waitress - Live

Starman - David Bowie

Death is a Girl - Mini Mansions

My Gun - Tove Lo

TAIL - SUNMI

Sheisty - Trinidad James

Come on Eileen - Dexys Midnight Runners

Close to You - Carpenters

Eventually - Tame Impala

Never Let Me Down Again - Depeche Mode

The Dam at Otter Creek - Live

Intro/Pathos, Pathos - Kishi Bashi

Mulder, It's Me - Roach Coach

Take What's Mine - Baumer

Patty Hearst - Jimmy Urine

Oblivion - Grimes

Wonderboy - Tenacious D

Andromeda - Weyes Blood

MY GOD! - Tessa Violet

Enjoy the Silence - Depeche Mode

Here Comes the Hotstepper - Ini Kamoze, Salaam Remi

Volverte a Ver - Monsieur Perine

Get Over It - OK Go

money machine - 100 Gecs

Knife Prty - Purity Ring

Loser - Beck

I-E-A-I-A-I-O - System of a Down

Gasolina - Daddy Yankee

Scroll Patrol - Rinse and Repeat

Sleep - Conjure One, Rhys Fulber

Every Third Thought - David Duchovny

Somebody's Watching Me - Rockwell

Attack - System of a Down

Seether - Veruca Salt

Fucking Boyfriend - the bird and the bee

Something Good Can Work - Two Door Cinema Club

Funkin' Around - Outkast

867-5309 - Tommy Tutone

Attitude - Buggin

Son of Sam - Elliot Smith

Goatmeal - LustSickPuppy

RIDE IT - LustSickPuppy

Space Oddity - David Bowie

All I Really Want - Alanis Morissette

She Blinded Me With Science - Thomas Dolby

The Government Knows - Knower

Don't Worry About the Government - Talking Heads

Somewhere Only We Know - Keane

Crystal Ball - Keane

Life on Mars? - David Bowie

Road to Nowhere - Talking Heads

She's An Angel - They Might Be Giants

Sci-Fi Wasabi - Cibo Matto

Yours Truly, 2095 - ELO

How to Disappear Completely - Radiohead

In the Backseat - Arcade Fire

Oh Comely - Neutral Milk Hotel

La Mer - NIN

Burn the Witch - Radiohead

Galaxies - Laura Veirs

Scientist - The Dandy Warhols

Stella was a diver and she was always down - Interpol

Hurt - NIN

Female of the Species - Space

Lithium - Nirvana

Black - Pearl Jam

Karma Police - Radiohead

Hungry Like the Wolf - Duran Duran

Who Can it Be Now - Men At Work

Gila Monster - King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard

The Boy with the Thorn in His Side - The Smiths

Live Fast, Diarrhea - The Vandals

Screaming Infidelities - Dashboard Confessionals

OG! - JPEGMAFIA

MakeDamnSure - Taking Back Sunday

Freak Mode - Dorian Electra

Welcome to Earth (Pollywog) - Sturgill Simpson

Origin of Love - MIKA

The Curse of Curves - Cute is What We Aim For

love nwantiti - CKAY

Adore You - Miley Cyrus

On & On - Longpigs

Dumb - KOPPS

Anubis - Septicflesh

Girls on Film - Duran Duran

Friday I'm in Love - The Cure

Andrew in Drag - The Magnetic Fields

Water of the Gods - The Changes

La Gozadera - Gente De Zona

Violent Pornography - System of a Down

You Sexy Thing - Zella Day

Heart Burn - SUNMI

Party Time - The Northern Boys

Dani California - Red Hot Chili Peppers

Island in the Sun - Weezer

Babooshka - Kate Bush

Californication - Red Hot Chili Peppers

What Kind of Name is Love – Big Kid

Hacker – Death Grips

Space Age Love Song – A Flock of Seagulls

The Way We Talk – The Maine

Walking on a Dream – Empire of the Sunday

Neighbour – Mother Mother

Slow Dancing – Aly & AJ

To the Hellfire – Lorna Shore

Los Ageless – St. Vincent

So Hot You���re Hurting My Feelings – Caroline Polachek

Me and Bobby McGee – Janis Joplin

The Message – Grandmaster Flash

Maria – HWASA

Mothercreep – FKA Twigs

Locket – Crumb

When You Die – MGMT

I Want You – Mitski

Ghost Town – The Specials

joke! - SE SO NEON

You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette

Propagation – Com Truise

No Rest for the Wicked – Lykke Li

Genghis Khan – Miike Snow

Kettering – The Antlers

Just Say Yes – Snow Patrol

Take a Walk – Passion Pit

Major Tim – Shiny Toy Guns

Neighborhood #2 (Laika) – Arcade Fire

Genius Next Door – Regina Spektor

More Than Words – Extreme

Creature Comfort – Arcade Fire

Dark Red – Steve Lacy

Let It Happen – Tame Impala

Crimewave – Crystal Castle

Church – Aly & AJ

Better Things – Passion Pit

Tulsa Jesus Freak – Lana Del Rey

cellophane – FKA Twings

Insane in the Brain – Cypress Hill

Me and My Husband – Mitski

Duality – Slipknot

Send Me an Angel – Infected Mushroom

Lady – Regina Spektor

Girl Loves Me – David Bowie

I’m Yer Dad – GRLwood

Hollywood Junkyard – The Bobby Lees

Disco Heaven – Lady Gaga

Helplessness Blues – Fleet Foxes

Such Great Heights – The Postal Service

In Cauda Venenum – The Dear Hunter

The Other Side – Pendulum

Bruma – MOL

Alrighty Aphrodite – Peach Put

Prince Johnny – St. Vincent

Shake It – Metro Station

You Are the Right One – Sports

Now We Can See – The Thermals

Body – Mother Mother

Kids – MGMT

I Will Possess Your Heart – Death Cab For Cutie

[gerogerigaogaigar]

My Bloody Valentine - Loveless

The process of recording this album was insane. They went through nineteen producers before Kevin Shields decided to produce it himself. Bilinda Butcher was apparently woken up in the middle of the night to do vocal takes so she would sound authentically tired. And the band just kept on spending money they didn't have and tormenting themselves and everyone around them until Loveless was finished. The result is the definitive shoegaze album. There are so many layers of guitar fuzz, hazy vocals, looping dreamlike noise. It is nearly impossible to discern even a single lyric. Loveless feels like falling asleep. Its a symphony of euphoric noise. A broken refrigerator lullabye. Perfect in every way. Every shoegaze band owes something to this album.

Neil Young - Harvest

The most overrated Neil Young album. I don't want commercially viable Neil Young I want angry depressed counterculture Neil Young. This is just soft rock. Really, really good soft rock don't get me wrong. Still it mostly lacks the punch of his rawer albums.

Bob Marley And The Wailers - Exodus

Bob Marley's magnum opus and probably the greatest reggae album. Exodus leans hard in two directions. The first half is made up of intense songs with religious metaphor regarding Marley's personal exile from Jamaica after an assassination attempt. The second half features beautiful songs about redemption and love for his home in Jamaica. It makes for a much more varied tone than most reggae albums and the title track might be the most intense song in the whole genre. Meanwhile Three Little Birds might be the most pure and wholesome song about loving your hometown that has ever been written.

N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton

Massive historic turning points are rarely as obvious as N.W.A's Straight Outta Compton. This group featured rappers MC Ren, Eazy E, Ice Cube, and Dr. Dre back when they were still teens. And there is a specific blend of styles that requires a closer look to understand the significance of. Way back in the 1980s hip hop groups were no stranger to politically minded lyricism or teenage antics. But most teenagery stuff was more party oriented and less violent, and the political stuff was more mature and eloquent. N.W.A talk about their political situation, but in a way that promotes violent teen bravado. They are more visceral but also more personal. There's something about living out a cop killing fantasy rather than having an intellectual discussion about it that is a much needed release. This is the start of hip hop's kayfabe era. Of course none of this qould have mattered if Dre, E, Ren, and Cube weren't also incredibly talented rappers. And the beats provided by DJ Yella, Arabian Prince, and Dre are perfectly punchy. They combine the funk traditions of 80s hip hop with a more aggressive sound that makes N.W.A stand out even more.

Alanis Morisette - Jagged Little Pill

Every time I listen to this album I find myself liking it a little bit more than last time. I wouldn't call it a top 100 albums masterpiece but it is good. Alanis Morisette sings as if she's experiencing each emotion for the first time. This is her greatest strength because it takes a standard love song like Head Over Heels into weirdly feral territory, and it turns You Oughta Know from a breakup song to a good excuse to get a restraining order. I feel like she is teally only a few steps away from making metal music and I would like the album even better if it did take those last couple steps.

#500 album gauntlet #my bloody valentine #neil young #bob marley and the wailers #N.W.A #alanis morissette

[vanderwoodlings]

and I always will be: a Vanessa Abrams playlist (x)

Text version of the tracklist (and commentary) under the cut

1. “Follow My Feet,” The Unlikely Candidates. I think a lot about how Vanessa is the most moral character on this show.

1. “Follow My Feet,” The Unlikely Candidates. I think a lot about how Vanessa is the most moral character on this show.

2. “Mom,” broox. I've been feeling guilty/Cause I'm not what I could be/I wish that they could still see/I wish they understood me

3. “Mother & Father,” BROODS. I don’t want to wake up lonely/I don’t want to just be fine/I don't want to keep on hoping/Forget what I have in mind

4. “Here,” Alessia Cara. Upper East Side beloathed

5. “Activity Grrrl,” Joan Jett & the Blackhearts. She works real hard to try and make things right/To see if she can find a reason for what's wrong in life/She puts her thoughts into magazine form/And passes them all around her dorm

6. “American Idiot,” Green Day. Don’t wanna be an American idiot

7. “The Tower,” Vienna Teng. Someone who reaches out to my weakness/And won't let go/I need not to need/I've always been the tower

8. “Talkin’ Bout a Revolution,” Tracy Chapman. Maybe we didn’t get the Nate radicalization arc we deserved but Vanessa came pre-radicalized <3 Don't you know?/They're talkin' 'bout a revolution/It sounds like a whisper

9. “Everyday,” Toby Lightman. And I find myself in need of a pause/I'm not sure why, but I think that it's because/Of this desire to be what others want me to be/Which is nothing close to me

10. “Disconnecting,” William Control. Are you disconnecting?/Are you disconnecting inside?

11. “Too Many Faces,” Cherri Bomb. I’m just… vibing with Vanessa’s anger at the UES and what it makes out of people. Are you trying to hide behind a stupid lie/When the truth is in your eyes?

12. “All The King’s Horses,” Karmina. Free to go back on my own/But is it still a home/When you're all alone? Seriously tho this show screwed her over

13. “Dare You To Move,” Switchfoot. I dare you to move/I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor

14. “Seventeen Ain’t So Sweet,” The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus. There's a fire in your eyes/And I hope you'll let it burn/There's a scream in your voice/And I hope you will be heard

15. “I’m a Human,” Flashlight Brown. I'm a human just like you/Full of doubt without a clue/Try and find a way to make it better

16. “I Wish The Guardian Believed That I Exist,” Grace Petrie. ‘Cause there's no such thing as a protest singer/We don't have none of those

17. “Message From Your Heart,” Kina Grannis. Your most devoted body part/Taking blood and making art

18. “Thank You For The Music,” ABBA. Man, it’s ABBA. Don’t question it

19. “Just A Girl,” No Doubt. Take this pink ribbon off my eyes/I'm exposed, and it's no big surprise:Don't you think I know exactly where I stand?

20. “Let You Down,” NF. I just think that Gabriela Abrams should’ve showed up more

21. “I’m Not Your Hero,” Tegan and Sara. But also like there’s this element of the way Vanessa was treated by fans, and of the way she was written off the show where she became a plot device/scapegoat and I just. Care a lot about her

22. “I Won’t,” AJR. On the other hand, she’s the one character who really just got to… cut their losses and start over successfully

23. “Downhill,” Lincoln. But given the way everything ended I think she would struggle with a lot of guilt? You’d probably think I’m an evil, broken person/And you would be right/Because I went downhill at such steep incline/That my rearview mirror showed me only the sky.

24. “Losing The Plot,” Alanis Morissette. Rip my heart out, ambition mill or bust/With my relevance in dust

25. “Your Ex-Lover Is Dead,” Stars. I listened to this and just… got to thinking about her meeting with Dan again, and the way that they must go such different places with their lives. Your ex-lover is dead <3

26. “Shake It Out,” Florence + the Machine. And I am done with my graceless heart/So tonight, I'm gonna cut it out and then restart

27. “Sunlight,” The Mowgli’s.

28. “Head Held High,” Kodaline. You need a little light to guide the way/Waiting on the sun to shine again

29. “I’m Alright,” Jo Dee Messina. It’s a good end kind of song. I got a good old friend here with me tonight/And I guess I'm doing alright

30. “Peace Train,” Yusuf. Cause out on the edge of darkness/There rides a peace train/Oh, peace train take this country

#vanessa abrams #gossip girl #images originally from senamarais’s screenshots #original nonsense #this is a playlist tag

[pitymisskitty]

TASK 001: Be Careful of the Curse - A Kitty Hensley Playlist

As someone who was road tripping across the country for several months, Kitty has spent a lot of time cultivating different road trip playlists. Most of them are kept on her phone that she has an AUX cord gerryrigged for, though she likes Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill enough to keep the cassette in the player. Kitty listens to anything and everything, and every playlist she’s ever made for herself or another person captures the elements of chaos in her personality.

The typical kind of mixtape that you make for your friend is, for the most part, equal parts songs that you like and songs that remind you of them. Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense, and that’s okay; there’s always some element of cohesion, if it’s only the fact that it was compiled by you. Kitty’s “mixtape” is equal parts a collection of songs that she’d pick for the hell of it (humor, enjoyment, vibes) and songs that are about her in some way. Sometimes upbeat, sometimes silly, sometimes moody, this playlists is truly a mix of who Kitty is as a person, and perhaps a look at what’s to come.

Listen here. Songs detailed more below the cut.

A Kitty Pryde Hensley Mixtape 

Mama Tried by Merle Haggard | Not knowin' where I'm bound / And no one could change my mind but Mama tried / One and only rebel child / From a family, meek and mild.

It Will Come Back by Hozier | Honey, don't feed me, I will come back / It can't be unlearned / I've known the warmth of your doorways / Through the cold, I'll find my way back to you.

Ironic by Alanis Morissette | Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you / When you think everything's okay and everything's going right / And life has a funny way of helping you out when / You think everything's gone wrong and everything blows up / In your face.

Howl by Florence and the Machine | Be careful of the curse that falls on young lovers / Starts so soft and sweet and turns them to hunters / A man who is pure at heart and says his prayers by night / May still become a wolf when the autumn moon is bright.

Trouble Finds You by Juliet Simms | Tonight darkness finds you / Right behind you / Say your prayers / Tonight trouble finds you / It's inside you.

Meet Me in the Woods by Lord Huron | Follow me into the endless night / I can bring your fears to life / Show me yours and I'll show you mine / Meet me in the woods tonight.

Pit Stop

Hungry Like the Wolf by Duran Duran | In touch with the ground / I'm on the hunt, I'm after you / Smell like I sound, I'm lost in a crowd / And I'm hungry like the wolf.

Press Play

Rivers and Roads by The Head and The Heart | And I guess it's just as well / But I miss your face like hell / Been talkin' 'bout the way things change / And my family lives in a different state.

Wolf Song by Caamp | Pack the bags / This time I am heading North / Left the racks / Won't need those where I'm going.

Ain’t It Fun by Paramore | Ain't it fun, ain't it fun? / Baby, now you're one of us / Ain't it fun, ain't it fun? / Ain't it fun?

Raise Hell by Dorothy | Young blood, came to start a riot / Don't care what your old man say / Young blood, heaven hate a sinner / But we gonna raise hell anyway.

Neon Moon (with Kacey Musgraves) by Brooks & Dun | Come watch your broken dreams / Dance in and out of the beams / Of a neon moon.

The One That Got Away by The Civil Wars | Oh, if I could go back in time / When you only held me in my mind / Just a longing, gone without a trace / Oh, I wish I never ever seen your face.

For Parker

seven by Taylor Swift | Please picture me / In the weeds / Before I learned civility / I used to scream ferociously / Any time I wanted.

#lunarcoveprompt #lunarcoveinspo #lunarcoveprompt1 #rebel child: about #hear me howling: music #the wolf you feed: meta

[atlantisknits]

1 - Trust the Process

Hi, hello,

I had originally considered creating some kind of YouTube channel, but after realising that I do not have the right kind of set up or environment (I am twenty-six and still live at home, it’s a touchy subject) I decided this may not be the most practical idea and would be difficult to stay consistent with posting as there would forever be some level of background noise or interference. 

So, here I am, I guess- writing down my incoherent thoughts about my hobby.

I suppose I should introduce myself. My name is Alanis. I’m a millennial who is still trying to figure out their life and who has turned to a hobby to try and figure that out- in this case, that hobby is knitting. You may think that is an over exaggeration to an extent…perhaps. However, since I started knitting back in November 2021 it has given me something to focus on. My teenie tiny brain that had spent so much time spinning around inside my skull now had something to ease that. I enjoyed the sense of learning something new whilst also being rewarded at the end of a project with something cute I could wear. 

As someone who considers themselves to be ‘naturally creative’ I’ve often been drawn to expressing myself through art or writing, yet I often would try to explain to people how I felt like I needed something tangible- something that I could make with my hands and morph and shape, watching it grow in the process of creation. It surprised me how knitting hadn’t come to me sooner.  

However, knitting came to me at a time when I needed it most. I had recently been diagnosed with endometriosis and adenomyosis and was struggling to process this after what had been a long and tiring process to even reach this point. 

2020 was a strange year for many as the pandemic hit us all. As lockdown started in March 2020 I had already been self-isolating with some flu-like symptoms. However, after a couple of days these passed…only for me to be hit with the worst pain I had ever experienced. The pain was so intense I had felt nothing like it before. It felt like my insides had exploded- I was shaking uncontrollably, my skin was on fire, I was sweating, I was throwing up from the pain and was on the verge of blacking out as I tried to drag myself to the bathroom. I remember thinking to myself, ‘surely this is a ten, this is ten out of ten pain, I’m gonna die.’ In normal circumstances most people would have gone to A&E, however as the country had been told to avoid A&E due to Covid I had to endure the pain from my bedroom floor. All I could do was curl up and hope that this pain passed as my body flinched and I would cry out in agony. 

Eventually, the pain did ease, but didn’t go away. Every day I was in some level of pain- shooting, acidic, constricting, cramping, throbbing. I felt like my body was broken, something inside me didn’t feel right and it was from here that I decided to seek help. It wasn’t until months later and after various second opinions that endometriosis was actually mentioned to me. I find it funny how at this time I had recently finished reading Sally Rooney’s Conversations With Friends. As I read I realised how much I related to the symptoms mentioned and this is how I first began to read more into endometriosis. This book now holds special importance to me. 

Jumping forward, in October 2021 after multiple appointments, tests and scans I got the answers to what had been causing my pain. Throughout this journey I had felt so confused and out of touch with myself- I was constantly exhausted from being in pain and having to explain my symptoms to medical professionals who weren’t willing to understand, I was lonely from being isolated through lockdown and also after coming out of a long-term relationship- I was having to learn how to be on my own in a time where I guess everyone was feeling pretty alone. There was a sense of irony having the guy I had spent six years with turn around and tell me he doesn’t want kids to then be told that whatever was going on inside me could affect my potential to do so. It’s not that I even particularly wanted/want kids, but I guess when you’re in a relationship the social standard is to one day move in together, get married, start a family. 

During the appointment where I was diagnosed surgery had been discussed to remove the hemorrhagic cyst in my left ovary, but given its size and location I was told there was the potential that I could lose my ovary. Usually surgery is suggested as a treatment to remove any cysts and endometriosis tissue through a laparoscopy and from here a ‘confirmed’ diagnosis can be given and also at what stage the disease is at, so without surgery not only am I left with the issue at hand but also a sense of imposter syndrome as even though through the multiple scans and tests I’ve undergone apparently endometriosis still can’t be ‘confirmed’ until a sample has been taken through surgery and been sent off for testing. With this a hysterectomy was also mentioned to me with regards to the adenomyosis as unlike endometriosis which can be cut or burnt away with surgery (with the potential of growing back) the same can’t be done for adenomyosis. However, over a year has passed since then and now again I can’t help but notice further irony as despite them being reluctant to press surgery as an option in order to protect my fertility I am now left with endo and adeno messing up my insides further. 

I was also concerned about my job- in a sense I was grateful for the lockdowns as I would not have been able to work in the state I was in. But, ultimately it did reach a point where I left my job. I felt like so many people had already walked out of my life through this and now I was walking away from my job as I couldn’t hack it. I reached a point of real self-hatred. My mind would tell me how pathetic I was, I would watch as everyone around me would move on with their lives whereas I felt like I was being pulled backwards. I was a failure. I didn’t see the point in anything. 

It wasn’t until I went out for coffee one afternoon with close friends that knitting had even crossed my mind. I urged myself to be present and not allow my mind to wander to negative self-talk, but when knitting came up in conversation something sparked at the back of that empty space. From there my brain would not stop thinking about it- I went home and started researching ‘how to knit.’ The next day I went to my local yarn store (I am fortunate enough to have a lovely yarn store in my town), I walked in, said, “I want to learn how to knit. What do I need?” I left with some circular needles and some balls of Drops Lima in my bag…only for my mum to look at my tiny needles and to tell me to perhaps try something chunkier to start with. 

From there began a journey of learning various skills and enjoying discovering new ideas and inspiration. It started with some dodgy garter stitch blankets and stockinette scarfs to an intarsia jumper I had knitted in totally the wrong gauge (but still love) to now a love of designers such as Petite Knit, My Favourite Things Knitwear and Knitting For Olive. Now, german short rows and italian bind-off don’t intimidate me like maybe they once would have. I remind myself that if there’s something I want to do I should just do it and learn along the way and that’s something I have stuck by. Impulsive? Maybe. But, does it push me to experiment and explore my hobby further? Yes. 

This is also something that can be applied to everyday life. Just do the thing and learn along the way- enjoy the process. 

Over the past couple of months I have come to realise that life is a process. Adapting to life with a chronic illness has meant that my life has slowed down somewhat and I have had to adjust my pace. Not everyone’s pace matches and it’s cool if mine doesn’t match those around me, just like it’s cool if I don’t churn out multiple gorgeous knitted projects each month. Just because I don’t have the life I had envisioned by now doesn’t mean it won’t come to me one day, things take time and if ‘my time’ wants to take its time, then cool. 

I’ll sit and chill with my knitting in the meantime. 

I would love to hear what project you’re currently working on- doesn’t necessarily have to be knitting related! I want to make this a little space to talk about the joy of knitting and a little sprinkle of life as well (lol hopefully know the backstory is out of the way things will be less depressing). I hope this is something fellow knitters (and non-knitters) may find interesting!

Much love and happy knitting! xo

Current Project: Elisabeth Blouse by Petite Knit

Yarn: Filcolana Pernilla in shade Chai

Original image posted to my Instagram account: atlantis.knits

#knit #knitting #knitblr #knittersofinstagram #knitterslife #knitters of tumblr #knittersgonnaknit #yarn #hobby #hobbylife #slow fashion #handmade #made by me #blog #endometriosis #adenomyosis #chronic illness

[withlovewriting]

Mixed Drinks and Smoke Rings 16: Did You Get Enough Love, My Little Dove?

Chapter Sixteen: Did You Get Enough Love, My Little Dove

You are broken on the floor, And you’re crying, crying, He has done this all before, But you’re lying, lying, To yourself, that he’ll find help, That he will change to someone else, But you’re broken on the floor, Still asking him for more

Summary: New to town, you didn’t need a friend, you needed a dealer. Thankfully, a girl from your Narcotics Anonymous meetings knew just the guy.

Characters: Fezco (euphoria) x Non-descriptive Reader

Words: 4,376

Chapter Warnings: Drug use, abusive relationships, physical violence, Nate is a dick as always, Ash is a gorgey hun. This is also a lil late bc I’ve just finished writing it >_> so pls let me know of any errors etc

Series Warnings: Addiction, sexual themes, cursing, abuse (various), smut, drug use, teenagers being fucking idiots. 18+ only, minors DNI

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taglist: @iamasimpingh0e​ @chelseagirl77​ @zeida​ @thepawn1999​ @alanis-altair​ @purplebtsmagic​

"Wow, you look fucking awful."

A shiver ran down your spine, recognizing the voice right away. Talk about life kicking you whilst you were down.

Deciding it was best to just ignore him, you pushed the small cart into the next aisle, hoping he would get the hint.

Hope, however, breeds eternal misery, proven as Nate followed you at a leisurely pace, "Hm, never taught manners at that private school, huh?"

Taking your time to look through a few different items, you only replied once you'd found the right package, "What do you want, Jacobs?"

"Ah, she does speak," he chuckled, finding himself much too humorous for your liking, "little late for shopping, might be hard to get what you need."

Watching as you struggled to reach the top shelf, Nate placed one hand on your hip as he leaned over you to easily grab it. You had to physically stop yourself from darting away from him as his chest pushed into your back, knowing it would only feed into his fucked up ego.

Throwing the item in your cart, he continued to follow you, never further than a few feet.

Making your way down the final aisle, you could feel the last of your nerves snap. Turning suddenly, your anger overcame the fear you felt as Nate entered your personal space, "What do you want, Nate?"

The smile he sent you was nothing but malicious, causing you to back up into your cart. 

His eyes raked over the shelf before grabbing a bag of candy. Stepping even further into your space, his eyes traced dropped to your throat, watching as you forcefully swallowed the lump in your throat. 

Placing one hand on the cart handle, he threw the candy over your head and into the cart before placing his other hand on the handle, essentially trapping you between both.

"Gotta treat yourself every now and then, right?" His lips pulled up at one side, and you found yourself focusing on the dimple that formed on his cheek, hoping that if you avoided his dark eyes, you'd come out of this conversation fairly unscathed.

The sudden movement of his eyes darting up piqued your interest, and your brow furrowed as you turned your head, unsure of what caught his attention when a smug smile settled across his face. 

Peaking over your shoulder, you spotted his familiar blue eyes and ginger beard before you even really registered it was him.

His face remained stoic as his eyes bore into Nate's, but the clench of his jaw gave him away. The pain from your last conversation with him was still raw, but at that moment, you couldn't hide the guilt that swirled around your veins as his eyes fell on you. Shaking his head slightly, he turned, making his way out of the aisle.

You couldn't tear your eyes away from where he had stood, mouth still trying to form some kind of sentence. Nate's huffed laughter pulled you out of the trance, causing you to snap your head back around, lip curled as you shoved his chest, pushing him away from you, "What the fuck is your problem, Jacobs? I get that you're a fucking psychopath, but can you at least take the holidays off."

Crossing his arms over his chest, you wanted nothing more than to smack the stupid, smug expression from his face, "What? Trouble in paradise? That's nothing to do with me."

He might've been right, but you damn well knew Nate thrived off your downfall.

Grinding your teeth, you watched him approach you once again -- keeping his distance in case you did decide to swing at him -- the once gloating expression transforming into one of curiosity as he cocked his head, "I guess I was right. As soon as he didn't have shit to give you, you'd run off and find someone else. You know, I'm almost disappointed by your predictability."

"You're a piece of shit, Nate. And one day, someone's gonna put you in your place, and I can only pray that I'm there to witness it."

Making your way out of the store once you'd paid for everything, you could only be grateful when you didn't see Nate's black truck in the parking lot. Reaching into the bag, you pulled out the bag of candy he'd thrown in and dumped it in the trashcan before walking toward your father's car.

Fuck Nate Jacobs.

You sat in the parking lot, waiting for Rue. She was sitting in a small restaurant with Ali, no doubt on the receiving end of one of his lectures. You didn't even try to hide the fact you were glad it was anyone other than you stuck in there with him.

You'd ignored his phone calls since he'd last spoken to you at the church, refusing to allow him to see that your drug habit had only exacerbated and that he was right in his assumptions.

Tapping your thumbs against the steering wheel as a song quietly played in the background, you could only hope she'd hurry up and leave, so you could chase your next high.

You were heading to Fez's apartment the following morning, presuming Ash's invitation still stood, and no amount of breathing techniques would calm your nerves.

Crushing up and snorting a couple of pills just might, though.

Your thumbs stopped their rhythm as soon as you eyes met Ali's dark ones, a flash of concern before he returned his attention to Rue. Your leg bounced as you watched them walk out together, pretending you didn't see Ali's small wave in your direction. Instead, you focused on Rue who was now climbing into the car,

"Everything good?"

Rue nodded, and you could tell she was already high. It worried you that Rue remained somber, but you didn't want to pry. Rue was the only consistent person you currently had in your life, and you were frightened that even she might ditch you. It felt inevitable, so you decided to do whatever you could to delay it.

"You got plans for tomorrow?" She only spoke up once you were both sitting cross-legged on your bed, watching as you took a long toke of a joint.

Taking a moment, you slowly exhaled, letting the smoke fill the room, "We haven't really celebrated the holidays since Mom left, but uh... Ash invited me 'round for dinner so... I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't go."

Rue's interest was piqued, her eyes narrow as she watched you, "Why wouldn't you go? I get you and Fez aren't speaking but hasn't that kinda gone on long enough?"

You remained quiet, biting your cuticles as Rue took the joint.

"He said some pretty fucked up things, Rue."

Keeping her eyes closed, Rue shrugged, "Was it enough to end your entire friendship over?"

"Would you be able to go back to how things were if Jules came back?"

It was a low blow, you knew as soon as you watched Rue's brow wrinkled slightly. But you were genuinely curious. 

Rue's eyes opened as her tongue darted over her lips, nose crinkling slightly, "Fez's weed was much better than this... Uh, Jules. Shit, yeah, I guess. I mean, I'm kinda the one who bailed on her-"

"For good reason," you interrupted, taking the joint from her and placing it onto the small rolling tray next to your bed, "You made the right choice, Rue."

Sighing, she chewed her bottom lip for a moment, "What, staying here and relapsing?"

"She told you she was in love with another person, Rue. It was fucked up to even think you'd be OK there."

Tilting her head downwards, Rue plucked at a loose thread on your bedding, "She said she loved me too."

Laying yourself back, you felt the bed shift slightly as Rue joined you, "Do you think you can love two people at once?"

Staring at the ceiling, you shrugged, "I don't know, Rue. I'm too high."

You were standing outside of Fez's apartment, bouncing on the spot. You were yet to knock, but knowing the boys had security cameras, you were sure they were already aware of your presence.

Your father was still fast asleep when you'd left, his loud snores could be heard down the hall, and you knew he must've been heavily drinking the night before, since he returned long after you'd already dropped Rue home.

You felt stupid, you really did. You'd been stood outside for what was easily 5 minutes, deciding whether you would even be welcome, or if Fez might slam the door in your face. At this point, you weren't sure if he was mad at you, or you were mad at him.

It seemed Ash -- who had been watching you pace on the camera -- decided for you, finally losing his patience and opening the door. Ignoring your wide-eyed stare, he grabbed the bags from your hands and began to make his way to the kitchen, leaving the door open for you, "Took your damn time."

Shaking your head, you were quick on his heels, deciding that if you remained with Ash, maybe the day wouldn't be too awkward.

Helping to unpack, Ash's face lit up with every item he pulled from it. You decided that you'd do this, if for no one else, for Ash. He deserved a good Christmas. So trying your best to ignore any hard feelings, you joined in, practically forcing him to wash his hands before he was allowed to help.

"Hey Ash, I- oh. Hey. I didn't know you were here." Fez's face was soft as he watched you from the doorway, fussing with his polo’s collar nervously. His freckled cheeks were dusted pink as he finally approached you slowly. Ash -- who was clearly aware of the tension -- decided to ignore it, and instead made his way to the bathroom to wash his hands.

"I wasn't sure if you were gonna come or not..."

Returning your attention to the turkey joint you'd picked up, "I wasn't really sure if the invitation still stood."

"You always welcome here," Fez's voice was soft, and you could already feel the look he was most likely giving the back of your head.

You both remained quiet once Ash rejoined, happy to help with the preparation whilst Fez tried his best to keep out of your way, choosing to stand in the kitchen entrance way and watch from afar.

Between yourself and Ash, dinner had been a success. The apartment remained fire-free, and so far, none of you had any signs of food poisoning. 

You'd told the boy to find a film to watch whilst you cleared away the dishes, knowing he was far too sleepy after filling his stomach to help.

"Thank you for this. I mean, I try but... Shit ain't really the same as a big family dinner. We don't usually make a fuss."

Fez made his way to stand next to you, grabbing a dish towel from the side to begin drying the plates.

"Yeah, well... He deserves it."

Nodding, Fez remained quiet for a moment as he tried his best to get his thoughts in order. The silence, however, made you nervous.

"About yesterday, at the store..." He began, keeping his voice monotone but unable to hide the irritation that was blazing in his eyes.

Presuming that his annoyance was aimed at you, you dropped a plate a little too harshly back into the sink, "It really wasn't what it looked like-"

"Is he still bothering you?" 

Sighing, you placed the cloth back into the water and turned to face him, "No, not really. Not since the formal."

He winced at the memory, something he had been kicking himself over, and mumbled, "I'll kill him."

"That's not really necessary, Fez. Just drop it."

You shuddered, the images of Mouse's stony, lifeless eyes staring back into yours was burned into your memory, your white formal dress thrown in the garbage as soon as you got home.

His motions stopped, hands and towel frozen in the air before he whizzed around at you, "Winter formal? What did he say to you?"

"It's nothing, alright? There's no point dragging it up now-"

"Ma, c'mon."

Losing your patience, you poked a finger into his collarbone, "No, Fez. You were right, we aren't dating and somethings are just none of our business. This is one of them, so drop it."

Storming off toward the couch, you halted, spotting a sleeping Ash, sprawled out, a soft snore escaping him. Although he was in his teens, he looked like a small child, fed, happy and healthy. He'd obviously fell asleep whilst channel surfing, the remote still in his clasped hand. 

Throwing it onto the small chair, you grabbed the knitted blanket from the other couch and placed it over him, leaving with a soft kiss to his forehead.

Fez watched you in silence with downcast eyes as you collected your things. Lifting a bag that you'd left by the door, you made your way back to him, "Make sure he gets this."

He wanted to stop you from leaving. Tell you that he never meant any of what he'd said, that he was an asshole. Ash had told him that enough to know he was in the wrong, but as he glanced down at his almost healed knuckles he decided it was safer to just let you leave.

Like Nate said, you would eventually, anyway.

Driving home, you rang Rue and had planned to pick her up before heading home and grabbing some pills before staying the night at hers since she lived closer to Fez than you did.

Pulling up outside your house, you could hear the rumble of the stereo which meant your father was home and most likely blindly drunk. 

When Rue unbuckled her seat belt, you quickly reassured her that you'd be quick, and for her to wait outside.

Unlocking the door, the pounding music was already giving you a headache. Glass crunched under your feet as you cautiously wandered into the house, wanting to just get what you needed and leave.

Turning off the music, you kicked a few bottles of beer out of your way, a deep frown etched in your forehead, pulling your brows together.

Unable to locate him, you made your way upstairs two at a time as you felt panic flood your veins.

A loud smash was heard from behind your bedroom door, causing you to flinch backward, hitting the wall behind you. He was alive, at least.

"Dad?" You spoke softly, sweaty palms twisting the door handle before entering what could only be described as a bomb site.

He was sat at the end of your bed, the photo you had of yourself and your mother in his hands, leaving blood smears over the glass.

"She left."

His voice was full of despair, luring you into a false sense of security. Standing in front of him, you placed a reassuring hand onto his shoulder, "I know. I'm sorry."

His doleful demeanor transformed into one of belligerent anger, as if he was only just aware of your presence. Slapping your hand away, his lip curled as he looked back to the photograph, "She left, and you still have this."

You could feet the sweat congregate along your hairline, your heart beating as fast as a hummingbirds. The hair on the back of your neck stood up, and you knew -- deep down -- you needed to leave. This wouldn't end well, but you felt glued to the spot, watching as his apoplectic eyes turned toward you,

"She left. She left because she had such a fuck-up of a daughter. You were too difficult, acting like your shit didn't smell, mouthing back, hanging around with those fuckin idiots-"

"She left you, too." The words slipped out before you knew you were even saying them. Sure, you and your mothers relationship was strained the past few years, but even you knew that wasn't the only reason, "She left her fuck-up of a husband who spent most of his time drinking away any money we had. She didn't love you, either-"

Before you could finish, you felt him strike you, the noise echoing around the room as your head jerked to the side. Holding your face, you turned back to him, tears brimming in your eyes. 

He stood, swaying a little from intoxication as he towered over you, forcing you back a few steps as he pushed his chest into yours, "She did love me, you little bitch. Do you know how happy we were before you came along? shit, she didn’t even fucking want kids. This is your fault. This is all your fault. Why do you think I started fucking drinking? I couldn't stand to be around you, either. She was just fucking sneaky and left before I could."

His left hand grabbed your face, causing your tears to fall, "You're the fuck up. You." He shoved you back, and you couldn't hold in the cry when your body connected to your bedroom window, your head bounding off it slightly. You were just thankful that it didn't crack.

He began screaming again, running his hands through his hair before picking up the photo frame again, giving it one last look before throwing it into your direction.

Rue twiddled her thumbs as she waited for you to come back. She couldn't deny that your demeanor was odd once you'd arrived, noting her father -- who she had yet to meet -- must be home. She could hear the music faintly from where she sat with the window rolled down as she puffed away on a cigarette.

She checked her phone, throwing her head back in annoyance when she'd realized you'd been gone much longer than anticipated. Calling your number, she all but threw her phone onto the drivers seat when it just continued to ring.

A loud smash caused her to quickly sit up, staring into your bedroom window as she wanted your shadow. The window was smashed, and something led on the lawn. Worried, curious, and against her better judgement, Rue made her way out of the car, listening as she heard shouting from above her. 

Picking up the frame, she noted a woman who looked like an older version of yourself, a taught smile on her face as if she'd rather be anywhere else. A muffled scream from above gained her attention, and she quickly made her way to the front door, banging on it loudly in hopes you'd hear.

More smashing could be heard, and what sounded like a body being thrown around before Rue raced back to the car, grabbing her phone from the seat and calling the only person she thought of,

"Fez? I need your help."

Shoving her phone into her back pocket, Rue couldn't remove her eyes from your window, the loud crashing sounds blended with the shouts of your father as she panicked, trying to think of how to help. It wouldn't take Fez long to get there, but what would happen in those 10 minutes? Maybe it wasn't your father upstairs, and you were in serious danger.

Deciding she couldn't just hang about, Rue made her way around the side of the house, looking for the unlock-able window that they'd used many times as kids to sneak into the house. Pushing it open, she took in the surroundings before climbing through. The small table in the kitchen was overturned and missing a leg, the wood splintered across the floor that was covered in smashed glasses and plates. A coffee machine was clearly pulled from the socket and thrown across the room, coffee pooling underneath it and filling the air.

A thump from above had her grasping for her phone, deciding she couldn't wait any longer. Her adrenaline was pumping, and her anxiety was at an all time high as she dialed the 3 digit number, not having to wait for more than three rings as she was connected to an operator.

She could hear a scramble, your tired cries begging and pleading for someone to stop, and Rue shivered as she heard the sound of fists connecting to a body.

Rushing through the demolished living room and almost slipping on some broken glass, she heard a commotion at the top of the stairs. Shouting your name, she hoped it was enough to draw the attention away from your attacker. 

Before she could reach the hallway, she heard a sound that made her blood run cold. A strangled cry as your head hit the drywall, before you fell head first down the stairs.

She rushed around the corner, finding you on the floor, face bloodied and unusually still.

Her chest was heaving, and she swore her soul left her body the moment her dark eyes connected with a pair at the top of the stairs, his shirt and face smeared in blood, scratches marking his arms as his frenzied stare zoned in on Rue. 

As soon as his foot hit the top step, ready to descend down them, Rue turned and struggled with the door, panting so loud she could barely hear the sirens.

Finally able to open the door, she swung it open and tripped over herself, her knees hitting the floor just as the officers ran past her, guns drawn and screaming instructions at the man.

Fez pulled her up, holding her close as her body shook, "She's... I... Shit, Fez. Someone's in there."

Fez had only just arrived, not even turning off his engine before rushing from the car, gun tucked into the band of his trousers when the police pulled up, sirens blaring.

He moved Rue to the side, ready to rush into the house when an officer pushed him back. He could just about see your body crumpled on the floor, an officer stirring you as another struggled with someone upstairs.

Moving onto the lawn with Rue, they both watched in silence as a man was dragged from the house in handcuffs, with what was most likely your blood covering him.

"It's her dad." Fez bristled. 

Rue watched in shock as the man struggled against officers, clearly drunk as he continued to stumble and curse. 

Another commotion was heard from the house, and Fez had to force himself to stay where he was as he saw your limping, bloodied form push an officer away from you, crying out for your father. This time, Rue noted you were begging the officers.

She knew there were abusive parents, of course there fucking was. The universe wasn't full of rainbows and unicorns that farted glitter, and sure she knew your home-life wasn't the best, but shit... who's was?

But this? It kinda made sense, and Rue couldn't help but blame herself for not working it out sooner. The bruises you'd tried to hide in school, not wanting to go home... Shit.

She knew damn well she had the best father in the world, and to think that someone who was supposed to love you unconditionally had done this to you, clearly more than once, made her feel sick.

She watched as you struggled, trying to push your way through the police officers, hitting at their chest as your wails for your father fell on deaf ears. They tried to reassure you that once you were checked over, you could go, but their words all blended together.

"Ma." Fez's soft voice stopped you, causing your shoulders to slump in defeat. Your lip trembled as you turned to him, tears falling down your face and mixing with blood.

He moved quickly, unbothered by the officers as he gently pulled you toward him, his nose pressed into your hair as sobs racked your body.

You noticed Rue's presence as she approached you both, and that's when it first struck you. She must have called Fez. And if she called Fez...

"Did you call them?" You questioned, eyes affixed on her shaking frame. She remained quiet, her eyes darting between you and Fez as her mouth opened and closed, "Did you fucking call the police, Rue?"

She stumbled back a little as you approached her, eyes ablaze with anger.

She stuttered, barely able to get more than a word or two out when Fez finally spoke up,

"She ain't call 'em. I did."

If you were in the right frame of mind, you'd have known he was covering for her. Fez didn't involve the police, he didn't come here to watch them cart your father off. Not if the gun he had was anything to go by.

You weren't thinking straight, however, and your head snapped around, glare settling on him, instead. Without giving him the time to explain, your hand struck out, palm slapping him harshly across the face.

His eyes didn't move from you, and if he was honest, he wasn't sure he'd try to stop you if you did it again. Rue didn't deserve your anger, especially not for giving a shit, but he believed he did.

"Why the fuck would you do that? You knew they'd take him. You fuckin' knew, Fezco. Why the fuck would you-"

"Cause he'd of fuckin' killed you otherwise." He didn't want to raise his voice, but he was finding himself at odds with your debilitating loyalty to a man who didn't think twice before knocking you around.

Your eyes dropped to his blood-stained shirt, and you had to forcefully make yourself swallow the vomit that was trying to crawl it's way up your throat. Your eyes darted toward Rue, who was looking at her shoes, trying to stop herself from crying.

Fez watched as the lights from the surrounding police cars blended with the twinkling Christmas lights across the road, reflecting in your eyes and dancing across your face softly, almost mocking him.

"You're fucking dead to me, Fezco."

You turned to Rue, eyes full of remorse. Looking toward Fez, she tried to open her mouth once more, but a single nod from the man caused her to slam it shut. Turning back to you, she took a few steps forward, grabbing your hand as a paramedic led you both away.

#fezco euphoria #fezco fanfic #fezco fanfiction #fezco smut #fezco imagine #fezco x y/n #fez euphoria #fez fanfiction #fez x reader #fez smut #euphoria fanfic #euphoria imagine #mixed drinks and smoke rings

[amarrymeinbostonwriter]

Top 100 For My Spotify Wrapped 2022

1. King by Florence and the Machine 

2. Material Girl (instrumental cover for Bridgerton Season 2 sound track)

3. Dancing on My Own (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack)

4. A Sign of the Times (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack) 

5. Diamonds (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack)

6. You Oughta Know (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack) 

7. The Story of a Girl by Nine Days 

8. Wrecking Ball (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack) 

9. Yours to Hold by Skillet

10. What about Us (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack)

11. Wherever You will Go by The Calling

12. Sweet Child O’ Mine covered by Milk Inc. 

13. Au couer de moi by Amir

14. How You Remind Me covered by Violet Orlandi 

15. Satellites (US mix) by September 

16. You and Me by Lifehouse

17. Run (club edit) by Milk Inc. 

18. Hunger by Florence and the Machine 

19. Daisies by Katy Perry 

20. Angel by Shaggy and Rayvon

21. Here (in your arms) by Hellogoodbye

22. You're Beautiful by James Blunt 

23. Photograph by Nickleback

24. Love by Lana Del Rey 

25. Walking in Memphis covered by Cher 

26. Yellow by Coldplay 

27. Sorrow by Flyleaf 

28. How Deep is Your Love (Bridgerton S2 Soundtrack)

29. Queen of Swords by Idina Menzel 

30. Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol

31. Almost There by Anika Noni Rose (Tiana's solo song in Princess and the Frog)

32. Mary Jane by Alanis Morrissette 

33. Malibu by Miley Cyrus

34. Stereo Love by Edward Maya and Vika Jugilia 

35. Wonderwall by Oasis 

36. Sweet Nothing by Florence and the Machine ft. Calvin Harris 

37. Don't Call Me Angel by Ariana Grande, Miley Cyrus and Lana Del Rey 

38. Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift 

39. Ils Temps ma' taime by Amir

40. Do it like a Dude by Jessie J 

41. All You Wanted by Michelle Branch

42. Dans le vie by Sara'h 

43. Sick of Myself by Matthew Sweet

44. The Middle by Jimmy Eat World 

45. Scars by Papa Roach

46. I Miss You by blink-182

47. The Loving Kind by Girls Aloud

48. Nineteen Stars by Meg & Dia 

49. Crystal Ball by P!nk 

50. Little Bird by Annie Lennox

51. When the Day met the Night by Panic! At the Disco

52. Roses by Meg & Dia 

53. Everywhere by Michelle Branch 

54. Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavinge 

55. Lotus (instrumental) by Steven Horner

56. No One but You by Erutan

57. I wanna dance with somebody who loves me covered by Fall Out Boy

58. Shut up and Dance by Walk the Moon

59. Dear Maria, Count Me in by All Time Low

60. My World by Avril Lavinge 

61. Missing by Flyleaf 

62. Someone like You by The Summer Set

63. The Boulevard of Broken Dreams (instrumental) covered by Duomo

64. Geronimo by Sheppard

65. Punks Don't Dance by Crystalene 

66. I don't Care by Milk Inc. Ft. Silby

67. The Ballad of Mona Lisa by Panic! At the Disco 

68. Holding out for a Hero by Bonnie Tyler

69. Closer by Tegan and Sarah 

70. Sk8er Boi covered by Cascada 

71. Cheerleader by OMI

72. Once in a Lifetime by All Time Low 

73. Bitch by Meredith Brooks 

74. The Diary of Jane covered by Violet Orlandi 

75. Check Yes, Juliet by We the Kings

76. Collide by Howie Day

77. Alcohol and Bandages by JaimsonParker

78. She had the World by Panic! at the Disco

79. Fall to Pieces by Avril Lavinge 

80. Set Apart this Dream by Flyleaf 

81. Rose Colored Boy by Paramore

82. Never Really Over by Katy Perry 

83. Alone Together by Fall Out Boy 

84. Girl Next Door by Saving Jane 

85. Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine 

86. Sorry Not Sorry by Demi Lovato 

87. Cry for you by September 

88. Gomenasi by t.A.T.u.

89. Sugar, We're Going Down by Fall Out Boy 

90. Suddenly by superchick

91. Still into You by Paramore 

92. I want it That Way by The Backstreet Boys

93. I really like You by Carly Rae Jepsen

94. Born this Way by Lady Gaga 

95. Everybody's Fool by Evanescence 

96. Autumn Leaves by Daniel Kajmakoski (Macedonia Eurovision 2015)

97. Girls Chase Boys by Ingrid Michaelson 

98. Never Gonna Give You Up by Rick Astley 

99. True Colors by Cyndi Lauper 

100. All the Things She Said by t.A.T.u.

#spotify wrapped #top 100 songs of 2022 #my chatter #florence and the machine #avril lavigne #t.a.t.u. #katy perry #fall out boy #september #panic! at the disco #michelle branch #amir #flyleaf #paramore #violet orlandi #meg & dia #all time low #miley cyrus #lana del rey #bridgerton season 2 soundtrack #2000s hits #2010s hits #emo #europop #eurovision #pop punk #indie #I tagged any artist who had more than one song #also surprised it was born this way and not a different lady gaga song #that's not my favorite song by her by far

[godspecd]

where: the iron islands, the sea tower when : month 4 of the seven months of hell in westeros who : ames harlaw @amesharlaw

if only someone could see the two harlaw sisters. how horribly broken they had been. in this scene, one could hear how the rushed steps of the remaining elder harlaw uncle attempting to climb the roped bridge that divided this tour to the rest of the great keep in pyke. he was summoned by one of dyana’s handmaidens, as they soon came to realize just critical of a state their lady had become. thank god dyana’s staff was all paid handsomely for their ability to keep their mouths SHUT. a long tradition in the harlaw family, her mother would tell her to continue it. after all, who wanted their house to be gossiped about outside of the walls of the great keep? or even within it? it also helped that dyana was just desperately in need to ensure aurore never heard of her breakdowns. she didn’t need to be reminded how much stronger her sister had been, how her sister could just silently clench her fists on a sponge and scrub away at a boat to get her feelings out. 

dyana’s will had been finalized, hidden away and stashed somewhere in the great keep. her great council had significantly decreased, aurore’s seat now being replaced with victarion. all were made aware that dyana had made a will, but only sigfryd and ames were made aware of where to find it if she didn’t have to write a new one. the thoughts that plagued her mind were tremendous, hauntingly so. her dreams wouldn’t leave her alone and she tried to hide in the sea tower the day before. yet, upon waking up to yet another night terror, her cries wouldn’t stop. she didn’t have her nuse maiden anymore to comfort her, nor did she have euron and lani to remind her to stop screaming. after all, she was dreadfully scary as euron remarked once.

she would find herself gasping for air and curled up in a ball against the black cold old stone of the tower when her uncle arrived. it was a breathing alike hyperventilation. if she stopped, she would die. if she stopped, the cold air would stop entering her lungs. if she stopped, she would begin to taste the horrible taste of ash in her throat. the heat of her own body was an enemy as it only felt to escalate to unbearable levels. her fingernails scratched at her arms as if flames still danced near them, enough to cause her panic. she was awake, the night terror ended but this...this attack wasn’t. she felt like she lost everything in king’s landing, anything in front of her was forgotten as she only could hear the giggles of alanis harlaw in the fire slowly turn to screams. aurore’s hand was above the bush that just lit aflame in front of her. dyana saw it turn to ash right before her hands. davios’ firm grip on her was long lost already, his touch and the memory provided no comfort. she was alone in the pyre, with only the phantoms of her family both dead and alive telling her to just give up. 

#tw: night terrors #tw: panic attack #tw: death mention #tw: death #tw: fire #𝐃𝐘𝐀𝐍𝐀 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐀𝐖 ◤ 𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 ◢

[holodeckprotocols]

animorphs book 10 (the android) #thoughts

my library has the most random selection of audiobooks available for animorphs (i've spammed them with requests to buy the ones they're missing but i think they're ignoring my calls :\) so i've been cobbling together fan audiobooks/read-alongs and these AI generated ones that sound like the tiktok lady. it is making for patchwork quilt of an experience, let me tell you

that being said no amateurish recording setup can undercut my excitement that WE'RE IN THE ROBIT ZONE. i remember really liking the erek stuff as a kid. i hope i still will.

fascinated by the reveal that marco is apparently an alanis morissette fan

i peeked at the storygraph reviews for this one just to get a feel for the overall audience reaction and literally the first one says "Having Marco as a narrator is always fun. He's as cute and funny as a bisexual-coded juvenile badly coping with PTSD can be," with that bolded emphasis and everything. shout out to mugsandpugs for truly understanding his character and validating my long-held headcanon

maybe i should put in bold that i too am bisexual-coded in my tumblr description

oh wait lol it's bold because it's a LINK to an animorphs fan forum page! it's broken but presumably it's a debate as long as the one about how many days in a week there are on the bodybuilding forums.

anyway.

"a topic will emerge. i'm going to just write until i discover a topic. the topic will rise from these pages. it will reveal itself to me. i just have to keep writing." REAL

when one of the animorphs gets literally eaten alive by a bird and has to split-second morph and chestburst out of it to avoid death and you check and the book's not even halfway over.

i guess some people don't like the chee but I always did as a kid. they're pacifist robo dogs! what's not to love!

well the ending of this one was just as disturbing as I remembered. you fucked up a perfectly good robo dog as what you did. look at it. it's got anxiety

#hanimorphs #animorphs spoilers #jokes aside the end of this one is what i think of when i think of disturbing content in animorphs #it's so chilling #and the way all the violence is off screen just lets your mind wander