#and isolated and alone and in pain

[tea-cat-arts]

Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will

#svsss #scum villian self saving system #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #the fact that people think scum villain #-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction- #is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me #especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater #heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series #he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters #(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy) #I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters #like example off the top of my head- #the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx #I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes #side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me #i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation #but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years #like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right? #being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain #the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too #+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu #as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing) #bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people #another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does #also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be #he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students #and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing #+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this #but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy

[youngchronicpain]

You do not deserve the pain that you are in. I am sorry that you are hurting. I am hurting too. I wish things were different. But I am glad that we are not alone in this.

#chronic pain #words I wish would have been said to me when I was younger #because growing up with this much pain without knowing anyone around my age living with moderate-severe chronic pain was so freaking hard #so isolating and difficult #I didn't deserve it then and I don't deserve it now #but at least I am not alone in my experiences

[itspileofgoodthings]

is everything terrible or is it just the damp of the first spring rain

#no but really. I adore this moment so much #because it’s eowyn’s whole problem and the problem of her circumstances in microcosm #she is alone and cold. the city has fallen silent. there’s no one there. there’s no one to balance out her view #there’s no one to stand next to her and see things for what they are #yes—painful dark difficult #but also. sometimes just in process #sometimes just hidden in shadow #sometimes just the curve of the valley #sometimes just the damp of the first spring rain!!!!!!!!!!! #you can’t see that truth on your own and if you try to be positive you tip into delusion #you can’t achieve balance on your own. and so just. #him stepping up to stand next to her. his hand going into hers. saying I do not believe this darkness will endure #it just rights the ship of her soul in a way that hasn’t happened yet #because no one has ever stood beside her #or maybe it’s a part of the righting of her soul—Theoden and Eomer both have their moments where they draw near her and around her #in a way they didn’t (couldn’t? didn’t?) before #but then he’s just the last piece. someone from outside. someone who sees her with such clear eyes. who loves her with such a hopeful heart #and all of her angst just washes away #sorry I’m just having a breakdown over here #Eowyn’s story kills me. I think about it all the time. I think about her isolation and her innocence and her bravery and her vulnerability #and her unsteadiness and her desire for glory and how pure and bright and vivid like flame she is and Faramir just being there to catch her #and let her be who she actually is. I JUST——— #lotr liveblogging

[moominpopzz]

Anyways the Winters family dog will always be a service dog to me,,, sources? Absolutely none, but it would make so much sense. I mean the torment Ashe has definitely gone through mentally and physically since her moms death, a service dog would be absolutely perfect for her and Mark both

#The consist amount of panic attacks and flash back eps she’s probably had since it happened #not to mention the definite episodes marks had to have had aswell #plus if your a big chronic pain Ashe truther like me #Mark may not be a good dad but he does love her #he wouldn’t want to just leave her home alone for ridiculous stretches of time with nothing there to help her #and sure that could mean just getting the dog but I feel like he’d take it the step farther to make sure it was a service dog #he may not have a goddamn clue what he’s doing but I’ll be damned if he isn’t at least trying to help Ashe thru the isolation #and fucking mental decline that poor girls def been in since she was like 8 #jrwi #jrwi pd #prime defenders #ashe winters #mark winters

[coquelicoq]

incredibly moved whenever someone tells me that i'm an easy person to be around when they're going through some shit. there's nothing more sacred to me than sitting with someone through death and grief and loss, things that i can't fix or do anything about except be there and let them feel their feelings without having to pretend to be chipper or hopeful or cheeruppable. i can't pretend to feel what i don't feel, which makes me weird and awkward in so many interpersonal situations, but i think it's also what makes people feel comfortable sharing this stuff with me, because they know that i won't judge them and they don't have to perform for me. i feel so lucky when i can provide that for somebody. i wouldn't trade it for anything.

#i wish my friends didn't have to go through hard shitty stuff. but when they do - because we all do sometimes - i am so thankful that #they feel they can share it with me #it's amazing how much a difference it makes to just be there and be genuine and not burden them with expectations #of how they should be reacting to something. like i guess that's pretty rare #and i sort of stumbled into it by being incapable of faking emotion. so i couldn't be fake chipper even if i wanted to #idk i feel like my first reaction when someone says this is like. i didn't even do anything? #but sometimes that's what you need! i think people get so in their head about doing and saying the exact right thing #and somehow 'fixing' someone's pain #when what actually matters is just being there. even if you don't know what to say. even if there's nothing you can do #just being there and letting them be sad. so they don't have to also be alone while they're sad #i can't make my friends less sad & that's almost never my goal. they're sad bc sad shit is happening. they need to be allowed to feel it #which i think probably also stems from my own history of depression and suicidality and the ways that people have reacted to that #i'm sure trying to help me but in reality actually just making me feel like i couldn't talk to anyone about it #because everyone just needed me to be okay #but i wasn't okay. and being expected to pretend like i was so other people wouldn't have to worry was making it harder #and more isolating. so i guess i just never want anyone to feel like if they're in pain they have to be alone #grief #relationships #my posts

[shirkers2018dirsanditan]

my luck is so bad it is legitimately just cruel. every day literally feels like i am being punished for every little decision i make. it’s almost hard to believe and yet somehow i’m too dumb to anticipate this…?

#i have previously been burned by usps coming an hour early and not picking up my packages #i woke up at 4:45 am this morning and got out the bed fr by 9. i knew i should have had my packages out as early as possible. #i want to get paid for the items im selling as soon as possible. i want to get a refund for my returns. #and i want these people to get their stuff #yesterday usps returned a package i had sent out to me so its already delayed #i was in the middle of packaging everything up when i noticed a package was delivered #i meant to check my email to see if they sent me that bullshit fucking email claiming to have picked up my packages when they didnt #but got distracted #so naturally. my dad leaves (the only person i could ask to drop packages off at the post office) and only then do i see that dumbass email #delivered an hour ago #i am so serious……..i cannot do this anymore #it is like this every single day #like okay. if the rest of my life is terrible. if i’m losing my mind from social isolation. if my parents quite honestly hate me. #if i have no future and no hope. #if the only interaction i can rely on is friendly coworkers and patrons at the library. #if i have to spend my days off with basically only myself and my dog to talk to. #can the little fucking things go my way? like…half of them? is that possible? #i’m not even asking to have a happy life i’m not asking to be loved i’m not asking to belong i’m not asking for a point to living #man i just want the tiniest of breaks. just. two days out the week? yeah? can i get my fucking packages sent out on time? l #can i get to work on time? with no stress? can i not look forward to eating a salad all day only for my dad to have eaten it? #can i have a normal menstrual cycle? can i stop having back pain? can i be a little comfortable? can i time my birth control correctly? #this is just so exhausting. how am i supposed to do this for years and years and years #my grandma is fucking 91 #my great grandma died at like 93 #i can’t even do another year of this man #i’m dreading my 25 birthday this september #i don’t know how i’m gonna make it to 30 #let alone anything after that #my parents are in their 60s………it’s a nightmare to have to think about living that long

[makotonaegiunderstander]

do you ever go do autism crazy for something you can feel it in ur chest. like it’s hard to breathe almost it’s making you gasp for breath and jump around physically. got an adrenaline rush thinking abt Kirigiri.

#GODDDDD. I LOVE HER SM AUTISM WOMAN. #I go insane thinking abt her and her life and how she develops in THH and past it #and how Makoto and her literally bring out the best AND worst in each other #and her narrative parallels w Byakuya. the way they’re so similar that they’re hypocrites for disliking each other #at first and then the way they’re indispensable in that they’re they only other one that Understands why they’re like that #I cannot word my thoughts for her nearly as coherently unfortunately so no paragraphs tonight. I’m just going to start growling like a dog #the way she fucking commands so much respect and control and how strong she is #and the fact that she is constantly reinforcing that strength by shoring up any weakness or vulnerability with terrifying effectiveness #that leaves her invulnerable but completely alone. and for a long time that seemed like a good thing #and she may even believe it is #but you hear the way she talks about her father and you realize she’s HUMAN. she doesn’t want to be an island all the time. #she has emotions just like anyone else and being viewed as though she doesn’t is incredibly alienating and reinforces her isolation #if she really didn’t care she wouldn’t still be mad that her father left her alone. it wouldn’t still pick at her the way it does #it wouldn’t drive her to abandon the entire purpose of her family by revealing herself as the Ultimate Detective in order to get to him #and then there’s Makoto and Byakuya challenging those aspects of her all over again #Byakuya sees the worst of her. he believes what she puts forth as herself and sees that ruthless cold efficiency #and he isn’t wrong to believe those things. as much as she wears a mask it isn’t fake that she has those qualities #but then comes Makoto who doesn’t see through her mask either but chooses to believe she must be human somewhere even if he’s not sure #he continues to trust her with absolutely no reason to and it feeds into her own ruthless efficiency by making him her Guinea out of sorts #but it also means there’s someone on the shoreline of her island. they want to come in. Will she let them? #that island is painful but not more painful than being vulnerable. #hhhh #I’m crazy

[late-for-the-sky]

I’m protecting the people I love by isolating myself.

#isolate #hurting #i’m a bad person #broken #sad #depressed #alone #lost #falling apart #depression #lonely #love #depressive #pain #bpd #self harming #depressiv #crying #acting #suicidal #suicide #borderline personality disorder #suicide note #distance #being sad #isolation #i’m scared #i’m sorry #bad person #bad friend

[fellhellion]

tbh i don’t even think miguel’s breakdown rant about miles’ existence as “anomaly” spiderman causing the death of 1610 peter is even about peter, or even quite abt miles. it’s about the idea that somehow 1610 peter could’ve shut down the collider if it weren’t for miles, even though miles’ presence didn’t actually affect peter’s death in any way. it’s about the idea that peter could’ve prevented a reality - that is, anomalies getting slingshotted throughout the multiverse - that miguel feels like he’s buckling under the emotional burden of (”And all this time, I have been the only one holding it all together!”). But even that’s not quite it, it’s about the fact that Miguel has been sitting on the resentment of feeling like he’s utterly alone in this burden, when in reality he’s not. When he created a structure designed to help share that burden between people who should understand it the most. But he won’t - can’t - ask for help bearing the emotional burden because it’s not even quite about the anomalies, it’s about Gabriella. But you deserve to suffer for it, you deserve to hurt. You dwell and grieve her and a mistake you won’t forgive youself for over and over again, all while hiding away and refusing to confide in the people who care about you how badly you’re spiraling, all while a part of you resents them for not knowing, even as they couldn’t know. 

#this is only one component of what i read in his breakdown personally but its an interesting one. its not blaming miles for gabriella. #miguel never shifts that blame. he bears it wholeheartedly. but what i think he offloads onto miles in that scene is the resentment thats #been building - that he CANT acknowledge because doesnt he deserve that suffering? how else do you atone? - a resentment that he #feels so alone in what he does EVEN AS HE CREATED THE SYSTEM TO SHARE THAT BURDEN WITH EVERYONE ELSE #and they WOULD share it with them. but he won't confide because he's a chronic self isolator. because i don't think miguel can disentangle #himself from the fact that a part of him doesnt want to be in pain anymore #because he believes that pain IS the price he needs to pay for what he did. even though it was an accident. #so he offloads that resentment onto miles. blames him for peter's death because he can't acknowledge that resentment for what it is #because miles' very existence lights a beacon of doubt that every choice he made believing SINCERELY it would protect people may have been #in vain. and youve doomed those you wanted to protect all over again #ANYWAYS. is this anything fkjdshfkjsdhfkjsd #tunes talks spiderverse

[bunnihearted]

being in pain is so isolating nd alienating lol >.<

#bc the thing is nobody cares abt your pain. like that's simply human psychology #so even if that's how the human mind is built nd it's understandable. it still sucks to receive so little sympathy nd understanding #like i mean ppl get sick nd tired of u when u talk abt the pain nd just want u to stop complaining nd be positive #nd they're rlly unsympathetic nd just want u to shut up nd do the things you're supposed to do without whining #so yes idk having to shut up abt it makes me feel like im stuck all alone inside this miserable bubble #either way im getting better nd better at not talking abt it!!!!! even on here i dont say like 80% of what i wanna vent abt sksksks #ppl always treat me as if im exaggarating or just anxious nd worried nd that i need to relax nd that everythings fine #so i've gotten way better at keeping it inside nd not bothering anyone w it!!! thats good #i mean it hurts nd makes me feel isolated buuut it's better than being a burden nd a bother nd making ppl roll their eyes nd sigh at me #but it's also so hard for me to seek medical attention for anything bc i feel like im just being dramatic nd annoying #idk... anyway so many things i wanna complain abt rn pain wise but im doing so good at shutting up abt them i need a gold star ⭐️ #hand in hand w this im getting better at just shutting up nd doing what ppl want me to do nd think im supposed to do even if im in pain

[anghraine]

kei-yuki replied to this post:

Do you think this can be related with his reaction to Aragorn / Thorongil?

Oh, for sure. Denethor was never going to, uh, appreciate Aragorn's plans to displace him, but I think it might be all the more bitter because Aragorn would be the first person he's ever met who is really like him or could get what it's like, but the circumstances make him a threat and Ecthelion's preference makes him more of one.

I mean, of course Aragorn is even "stranger" than the Stewards but... His "royalty", his charisma, the fact that he was rised by Elves... I don't know but perhaps he learned to navigate all these weird Numenorean gifts in a right way when others can only learn by trial an error.

I don't 100% agree that Aragorn is stranger than they are as a rule. He has a capacity for an even more remote strangeness—on the level of a Valinorean Noldo iirc—but he can also pass himself off as a normal guy in a way I don't think they can. Even when he's not concealing his identity, he tends to blend in with the norms of the people around him, and he doesn't generally use his most 'eldritch' abilities or his force of will as obtrusively as Denethor and Faramir do, except in very critical situations.

Denethor and Faramir are neither as strange as Aragorn can be nor as normal as Aragorn can be—just about any time they show up, we discover some new weird thing about them or they say something that's just kind of bizarre. They can exercise their wills to do especially remarkable things, or they can dial it down to their sort of baseline, but they don't seem to have the off switch that Aragorn does.

But I think that actually fits really well with the idea that they and especially Denethor have had to figure out a lot on their own. Aragorn was raised and educated by the immortal twin of the person responsible for all of their abilities. Elrond knew what was coming and I'm sure prepared Aragorn as well as anyone could have. Then Aragorn spent years as a Ranger and hunter, he lived among lots of different people under different identities, he had to be able to come across as a normal (if tall!) guy. So it makes a lot of sense to me that he would have both more capacity to conceal his abilities and his basic strangeness, and more inclination to do so.

(I think it's also possible that Aragorn's abilities overlap heavily with Denethor's but are not quite identical. Denethor, of course, can't heal, and whatever Aragorn's mental powers, he didn't manage to conceal his true identity from Denethor. So maybe that's also at play in how thoroughly unimpressed Denethor is by Thorongil.)

#his dynamic with faramir is obviously also complex and messy but despite everything #denethor entrusts faramir with a wide range of critical tasks in the defense of gondor—he values him pragmatically #as well as loving him in a complex messy way #despite the two of them butting heads when it comes to particulars #neither of which are true wrt aragorn #idk as difficult as the relationship with faramir is #there's been someone Like Him in his life for 36 years and while that's painful in its own way—he wasn't alone in it #so faramir's death would be incredibly isolating in yet another way #like. this is not needed to explain his devastation or him finally snapping under the pressure #but it does layer on the awfulness #kei yuki #respuestas #legendarium blogging #húrinionath #aragorn #denethor #long post #anghraine's headcanon #faramir

[in-tenebris-et-in-solitudine]

#quotes #aesthetic #lonely #alone #isolation #longing #company #friends #relationship #love #togetherness #belonging #sadness #emptiness #lost #disconnected #forlorn #solitude #abandoned #pain #comfort #hope

[babyfairy]

i need more friends

#i hate being alone with my thoughts. i am so sick of it #i feel like i’ll go fucking insane if i have to continue on like this #i don’t even want to invite anyone new into my life because i am so terrified of loss but feeling this isolated and alone is #going to be the end of me if it goes unaddressed #like it can’t continue. waking up every single day feels like a punishment #and life around me just continues like normal. like nothing is wrong #i want to die and i still have to work. my family is destroyed but people are around me laughing and joking #how do i stop being consumed by this misery i don’t understand it. and i don’t want to guilt anyone into checking on me or feeling bad for #me. i just want to stop being in so much pain all the time every single day #there is no relief literally ever. it just continues to progress and get worse #literally i look up ways to *** every single day dude and i just have to like. live that way #feels like a cruel joke to me idk. laugh out loud #anyway if you read all this thanks for caring

[skinnypaleangryperson]

How cocky and playful and boyish Rick is is always such an instant swoon ❤️❤️ the eyebrow raise and that smirk. I hoard them like a goblin

#rick and morty #rick sanchez #my life is a literal traumatizing hell #I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I am the most miserable piss fuck all that has ever existed or will ever exist #I am and have always been the most miserable paralyzed person alive behind understsnfung #truly and behind #I don’t know how people think or live #I take the comfort where I can #*too many trauma days alone while everyone acts like mean children #am I even in the same planet as most of you? #are we the same species? #I don’t think that anyone could ever comprehend or feel the pain that I feel #I would give literally anything to open up at social media often to feel like people understand the way it feels #Constant social isolation and emotional abuse and pain and suffering that comes with being in the human race #it’s beyond intolerable #it will never get better or has ever been better

[quotationsworld]

Alone. A truth I have felt since always.

— Melissa Broder, from “Last Sext,” Pen America

#loneliness quotes #loneliness #aloneness #disconnected #life #suffering #pain #truth #disappointment #loner #distance #isolation #stress #society #people #relationships #unfulfilled #rejection #failure #quotes #words #original #relatable words #relatable quotes #emotional stress #emotional state #parting #loss #grief

[anthromimicry]

forever thinking about how, according to maslow's hierarchy of needs (or simply the self-actualization pyramid) that is basically this motivational theory in psychology that's made up of a five-tier model of human needs, that misao went from being on the third tier in her childhood to reverting back to the first tier currently which is food, water, warmth, and rest.

[ here's a picture of it for reference, y'all ]

so, in other words... she is just trying to survive SO badly right now at this point in her life, that she can not even worry about things like safety or security and especially not friends. and that is UHH... i might, or might not be sobbing right now

#ALL POWER DEMANDS PAIN AND SACRIFICE: musings. #NO SLEEP OF THE INNOCENT. NOT FOR YOU: character study. #it takes the fact that misao has just been trying to focus on satiating her most basic instinct (to feed) to a whole NOTHER level tbh ;; #like idk what to say besides i am in pain thinking about how lonely she must be especially at night whenever thing's are quiet and- #she doesn't have anything to distract her from the fact that she has no one to depend on and no one who absolutely NEEDS her. #and of course her refusing to at least try to overcome her fear of vulnerability may play a part in this... but you have to remember that- #misao has never had the proper time nor the space to just focus on herself. to just focus on what she wants but i am in no way trying to- #demonize ryuuji or kaiyah here because that would just be wrong... i'm just saying that she doesn't really know who she is you know? #i mean when she isn't around other people and taking care of them. she genuinely DOESN'T know because that is what misao has done for most- #of her life until about 400 years ago or so?? yeah. and so misao turned to doing something that would fulfill her but not in ways that- #would attribute to her mental well-being. just to her physical well-being and misao may appear to be this super-friendly as well as- #confident person on the outside but i feel as if misao feels like she's broken inside because she cannot get out of the cycle of pushing- #people away when they get just a little bit too close to her. and it's like 😭 i mean yes she does have a LOT of trouble empathizing people- #because she has to fake being able to put herself in other people's shoes most of the time but misao kind of wishes she wasn't that way. #because it DOES isolate her from the rest of the population because misao feels like she just... doesn't get it. like she's missing- #a fundamental part of herself that people like ryu seem to have but she has been cursed with being perpetually alone both by her own hand- #and because of just how she is.