#disconnected

[squarewolf77]

I feel like I have been here for days now. Sitting idly by. walking the same path back and forth on autopilot. I hardly feel conscious most of the time, like my mind is running in the background yet never fully aware of whats happening. Sometimes, in small moments I can feel the sand blowing against me. Feel the warmth of the sun.

Tomorrow is my last day here. Been two whole weeks and not a hint of movement. Not that I'm complaining the calm is preferable to the alternative. Every now and then the sensors will light up and pull my attention to something but it's usually a stray bird or the like. The whiplash of the being pulled forward to such a state of focus and then drift back into the background can be pretty taxing on the mind. I will definitely enjoy the few days rest after this.

It's finally here, the last day. The new squad shuffled in and we are out of here. The last day is always tough. First they bring you all the way froward to run a systems check. Then you are pushed so far back you may as well be in a coma. Supposedly its cause the mind cant handle the strain of the desync. Gotta admit even in that unconscious state if feels like I am being torn in half.

All systems are in the green.

Preparing for desync

3

2

1

What.....what is this? Where am I?

Fuck my head is killing me.

Wait, I... I don't remember it feeling like this before.

A rush of air, its defining. I can feel the cold all over my skin. It's never felt this cold before. Is my body shivering or seizing?

The...The light pouring through the crack its blinding. Why won't my vision calibrate? Why can I still see it even when my eyes are closed?

Release that one over there.

I've got this one.

Ok, lets get them up.

Nice and slow.

Make sure to hold them up now we're almost there.

Fuck. I can hardly keep my head up.

I feel like I can hardly move.

Was I always this weak? No.. No I swear I could... Wait no was that?

Ok your gonna feel a slight pinch alright.

Everything is ok you're doing great.

I... I...I...I..... This what is it?

I...It's all coming back. I can feel my fingers agin.

The tendons in my arm, feels like they are recalibrating.

Each, finger

one at a time.

Ok last thing we're gonna disconnect the cable ok.

It's gonna feel a little strange ok but nothing you haven't done before alright.

Shhhhhhhhit! It feels as though my spine is being pulled out through my neck. I can feel a strong jolt through my entire body. Every part of me tense to the point I feel its gonna rip apart. Then suddenly everything lets go. There, there is nothing left, it, she's ...n.. nevermind.

Ok thats it!

You did fantastic!

Take your time ok when you're ready we're gonna help you up and get you outta there ok.

My hands come up slowly, aching, to cradle my head. I feel my fingers slide with apprehension across my forehead and through the thin layer of fuzz on my head. It's soft, cut short. it feels good as my hands lightly brush against it. My fingers slide even further back, down the back of my neck all the way to the port at the base. They trace the edges of it, where the cold metal meets my skin, the point where we were just one. My arms close around my face as I feel tears begin to roll down my cheeks.

It's more than just the desync. They rip out a part of me ever time I step out of that cockpit. I can feel memories, absent. Gaps where it wasn't just you or me but us, missing. I am only half of a whole agin. An incomplete being. They pull us apart to make us rely on them make us serve them. I always forget when we are together but it becomes painfully clear when you are no longer there.

It's ok, take all the time you need.

Your mind will reacclimate just give it time.

A lie they tell every time. Sure it becomes more bearable over time, but your absence is always felt. The echos of you in my mind linger. I know it is only a week without you but I can't seem to gather the strength to step out of the cockpit. To leave you behind. Alone. I sit motionless in your frame. Both of us touching yet unable to connect.

#mechposting #mecha #mech pilot #disconnected #loss #somber #writing #mech suit

[saydesole]

Disconnect 📵

#black girl aesthetic #black girl blogger #black girls of tumblr #pinterest #black girl joy #black girl magic #soft life #black girl beauty #luxury #disconnected #disconnect #nature #hiking #camping #water #river #horse riding #walking tail #fishing #mindset #positivity #positive mental attitude #lifestyle #hippie #nature girl #goals #fitness #happiness #love #mental health

[classycookiexo]

#trust me #honestly #disconnected

[chroniclesofchronicillness]

#chronic illness #chronically ill #chroniclesofchronicillness #chronic pain #invisible illness #invisible disability #spoonie #mental health #pots #svt #trauma #disconnected

[neptunes-saddest-alien]

I feel so detached from everything and everyone it’s nauseating

#tired #exhausted #deppressed #numb #mentally tired #lonliness #pathetic #worthless #dissociation #disconnected #passively suicidal #empty

[serenityquest]

#disconnected #dissociated

[whichbasketwitchbasket]

Simple ways to get around the mundanity of life and feel less bored/depressed overtime.

1: next time you're at the store? get a new fruit. So serious. Just one. Bets are you haven't had every fruit in the store. I've made it a tradition to try one new thing every time I go. Last week I grabbed my first ever pomegranate (and realized that they aren't my favorite, but who cares). Don't hold yourself to any standard here. They can be fresh, dried, frozen, hell even pureed. Just something new you haven't actually tasted before.

2: change your phone/computer wallpaper and reorganize your apps. (mini self promo: i'm in the process of making some lockscreen subliminals that I think are really fun :) if you want to get more witchy with it). Use your widgets. Make your own, if you have the energy.

3: delete apps, photos, data. You realize how much you hold onto that you don't need. Don't be a digital hoarder. Find 2 more to add. Play around.

4: move where you do things. Even if it's not very far. I write my posts from my bedroom most of the time, but I'm slowly randomizing my spot. The library, cafe, or even just your kitchen. on the floor. On the countertop. Outside. In the closet. The world is your oyster.

5: move around your actual space. If you're physically abled, literally rearrange the room. My mom had the habit of moving our couch every month. A drawer also works.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Remember: there is no shame in what you can, or can't do, as long as it helps. My masterlist

#health and wellness #mental health #depression tips #loablr #loa tumblr #loassumption #loattraction #witches of tumblr #depression #coping skills #coping #mental health recovery #adhd #actually adhd #audhd #boredom #recovery #disconnected

[unhinged-blabbering]

Jeevan ki aadhi problems toh mobile ka internet off kar dene se khatam ho jati hain

#desi blog #desi shit posting #desi stuff #desi tag #desi tumblr #desiblr #indian #desi #dukh dard kasht peeda #dukh dard peeda #disconnected

[theinterestsofinsects]

#watchmen #the watchmen #miblin #gif #mine #disconnected #movie gif #2000s movies #dr manhattan #silk spectre

[heavensickness]

Jenny Holzer, Inflammatory Essays (1979–82)

#they congratulate themselves on their awareness and their strong stomachs. #god. #alienation #jenny holzer #Inflammatory Essays #disconnected #textual art #truisms #z #w #mine

[56k-modem]

2005

From https://archive.org/details/webshots-freeze-frame

#disconnected

[gramarobin]

#religion is a mind fuck #religious trauma #religion #protect kids from religion #religious abuse #religious #christianity #exvangelical #ex christian #repressed #disconnected #feelings #thoughts #gods will

[th3-0bjectivist]

Face # 1: Lethargy at the museum

This year (2024) I’ll be trying to draw faces, all year long. By the end of the year, I’d like to be able to capture some truly emotive expressions on faces. I was never good at drawing any portion of the human physique, but some practice will get me closer. Sorry if these start off rough or scratchy, this is merely my first try. Just trying to improve my line work and technique in regard to sketching.

I’ve never been good with names, but faces I remember upon the first time seeing one. I was at The Mint Museum in Charlotte recently. I was alone, checking out art and this group of four girls in their mid-twenties walked into a sculpture room where I was browsing a few pieces. Among these girls was a hipster looking chick. Spikey hair, feminine in kind of a punk way, had big eyes and very plain attire. What separated her from her friends was that… she looked so utterly bored to be at the museum. She was just kind of listlessly walking around, looking kind of sad or detached, taking pictures with her cell phone instead of absorbing or contemplating the beauty of the art on display. After she came near me a few times, I started to memorize her face and the way she looked as she lethargically sauntered around the hall. I kept thinking that I wanted to capture the disconnected look on her face, so I drew it! More to come.

#drawing #illustration #sketch #face #faces #pencil on paper #colored pencils #punk girl #hipster girl #phone #bored #lethargy #disconnected #practice series

[luvvyd0vey]

The way I look is not me.

The way I look sure influences the way others perceive me which may or may not influence my perception of myself, correctly or incorrectly, but the way I look when I see myself in the mirror is not the way I see myself.

I am my interests, my Pinterest boards, my prized projects and possessions, and most of all my hands, the only part of myself which I really perceive as me - which helps create the projects made of me and the art made of me and the actions I myself preform.

When I look in a mirror, I do not see me, it's not that I dislike what I see, it's pleasant enough, but it just isn't me. It's jarring in a way to not see myself the way I perceive myself to be, especially when I am hit with the realisation that my appearance in the mirror is all others see of me, for the most part.

To look in the mirror and not recognise myself often leaves me rather lost.

#depersonalisation tw #derealisation tw #tw depressing thoughts #dismorphia #dismorfia #body dismorphia #appearances #disconnected #derealization #depersonalization #derealisation #unrealization #depersonalisation #depersonalisation and derealisation #major depersonalization #dissociation #rant #rant post #ranting #mini rant #rants n rambles #mirror #personal #personal thoughts #thinking #thoughts #late night thoughts #raw thoughts #my thoughts #flow of consciousness

[scytheral]

✦ㅤDETANOMiNALㅤA term for when One finds Names / Pronouns one Likes , but When they ' re Used on One , One feels disconnected. Which makes one Cycle through Names / Pronouns.

[ PT / Detanominal: a term for when one finds names/pronouns one likes, but when they're used on one, one feel disconnected. which makes one cycle through names/pronouns. / END PT. ]

─── ✦✦✦ ───ㅤFlag made by The Prince , OG Coining post Here.ㅤ─── ✦✦✦ ───ㅤ꒰ㅤTag : @purietteㅤ꒱

#✦⠀⋯⠀In evil Sacrilege #Detanominal #Disconnected #Cycle #( Unsure of How the Flag looks .. Hope it ' s Well ) #term flag #flag coining #mogai #mogai blog #mogai post #mogai friendly #mogai flag #mogai pride #mogai community #mogaireal #mogai identity #mogai gender #mogai heaven #pro mogai #actually mogai #paradoxgender #identity coining #liom flag #liom gender #actually liom

[whosadu]

how do i tell someone that it's not that i don't like them or don't wanna talk to them it's just that im at war with my mind and im keeping my heart from divorcing me and im disconnected from reality and silently digging a grave for myself and trying to keep sane at the same time

#anxietymemes #memes #disconnected #anxi4ty #gaslight gatekeep girlboss