#and maybe read another routes to stop my addiction to this series

[electrosawggyma]

#lovestruck voltage #sin with me #im starting to think that my blog is slowly transforming in a swm blog.. #i mean im not mad about it but i should change my desc #and maybe read another routes to stop my addiction to this series #yvette holte #vinca wren #lazareth and trudy

[crazy-loca-blog]

Personal thoughts on Open Heart Second Year, Chapter 20

Note: As the title says, these are just personal opinions on Choices books and chapters. Of course, you may agree or disagree with them, I only use this platform to express my thoughts on what I read every week and what I’d like to see in the next chapters, because none of my friends play Choices so I have no one to comment the books with.

That’s a wrap! I can’t believe Book 2 is over. And just like everyone, I didn’t know how I felt about the final chapter of the book… until I started writing this… and I had a realization just as our MC did (of course, this led me to write this post from scratch like three times!). You know… it wasn’t brilliant, but it wasn’t a bad ending… I’d say it was pretty correct… and maybe even better than we think it was. Let me show you why:

At the very beginning, I had this kind of bittersweet feeling, just like everyone else. But then I replayed the chapter a few times to try different options and routes, and I started noticing that the writers made some amazing job paying attention to many of the little details we got to see throughout the book and finding a way to put them all into the final chapter. Everything was a lesson, everything made sense and everything almost everything got a closure… and that’s just some awesome writing, guys. Trust me, I had a long list of complaints, but by now, my only complaint is that the chapter was way too short.

Let’s begin with the main issue of this chapter: Leland Bloom and the check. I had the same question as the MC for a whole week. Why would the man give a billion dollar check to a second year resident? And with the sneak peek it kind of hit me: Leland not only was trying to buy Edenbrook, he was also trying to buy us… because for him, it’s always about money. I could even see our MC going through the same dilemma that Jackie faced with Panacea. And I have this gut feeling that what we decided to do with the check may have an impact in Book 3.

To be honest, at first I didn’t pay much attention to the scenes with Sienna, Aurora and Elijah. Even though I have to admit I missed Kyra on this set of dialogs, I was glad to see that the writers gave us some time alone with them and I loved how different their answers were. However, I saw them as some kind of filler content… like “oh, we need to add an extra conversation with our friends because it’s the final chapter”.

The same applies to our LIs. At first, I didn’t know if asking our LIs for advice was a good idea unless you’re romancing Ethan (based on the fact that he’s also our mentor and the only person who knows Leland Bloom as much as we do). I would have even added Naveen and Harper to this set of dialogs, as this was more a professional thing than a personal issue and they would have surely given our MC a great piece of advice (especially Naveen!).

But then, it hit me. This wasn’t just a set of random conversations. Instead, the writers made an amazing job mixing the storylines of every one of our friends and LIs with the conversation about the check and Leland Bloom, and that led to different realizations based on who you chose to talk to. That was simply brilliant and it reminded me why I love this series so much… nothing on these books is written at random. Everything has a purpose and sooner or later, it always clicks.

Based on the same premise, can we talk about how our story with Esme seemed to be coming full circle? No matter how your relationship with her ended (at least not yet), we finished our story with her right where we started: healing her wounds. However, there is something that is kind of bothering me. During our conversation, Esme told us that Leland had reached an agreement with Levi’s family, so the lawsuit wasn’t a problem anymore. And here we go again. We know that Leland isn’t the type of person who does things just to help people… and now I can’t help wondering if he may have found a new ally in Esme. Will she keep the secondary role she got in Book 2 or will she become a more important character in Book 3?

Another cycle that was closed during this chapter was Kyra’s. I’m so glad that she was finally declared cancer-free (can we just stop for a moment and give Bryce the credit he deserves for this? PB didn’t do it, so we should!), but it kind of shocked me to see her go and realize we won’t be seeing her in Book 3, especially because she is part of our gang now. Her departure really got me wondering if this is PB’s way to prepare us for the final goodbye in Book 3. I’m also wondering what the writers have planned for Rafael. After all he went through, I’d really like to see him back in Edenbrook… but not as a paramedic. I know he said he wouldn’t go back to hospital life, but after all the physical therapy he got, I think this would actually be a great job for him. He loves to help people (and that’s something he won’t get rid of easily because it’s his nature), he loves exercising and, at the same time, he needs to calm down and take life slowly. I don’t know about you guys, but after all the complaints to have him back, and now that he’s finally fine, I need to have him around!

As per the romance with our LIs, please don’t laugh at me, but I think PB decided to ground us all. For a whole book this fandom has been so focused on “fighting” over LIs, that I can imagine the OH writers saying something like “You know what? Enough! Let’s remind them who is in charge of the narrative here!”… and that’s how they fooled us all.

However, if you’re romancing Bryce, Ethan or Rafael (sorry Jackie stans, maybe it’s because of the path I read, but I don’t feel the same about that relationship), they certainly gave us all those “we’re in a real relationship” vibes at the party… and at the private party as well. By now, I think there are some things that go without saying, and even though we’re probably not getting the content we thought we would have, things look very official to me. Sometimes you just don’t need words, you need actions, and those three guys have shown our MC all their love through them. Every piece of advice, every conversation, every small detail, even in the sex scenes you may see there has been an evolution… and I’m not talking about how kinky things became, but about what’s behind it… you can definitely see two people who trust each other, who feel confident about what they have, and who look like people in love. But of course, they won’t say those three words yet. I’ve always felt like PB is very respectful of the timing (not only in OH, but in their books in general), so I wouldn’t imagine them saying “ILY” right now, especially because after all the ups and downs of the plot, things are just starting to take their final shape for Book 3. But if I go back to the final 30 diamond scenes in Book 1 and compare them to the ones we got in Book 2, Chapter 20, you can safely say the relationships with all three male LIs are at a whole new level now.

Finally, one of the things that worried us the most was the insane amount of subplots this book had. Did they manage to give closure to all of them? Let’s see:

Aurora Emery: For a whole book, Aurora felt like she was “the lesser Emery”. We went back to college with her and we got to know about her struggles to make friends. Finally, she found her own closure in Chapter 17, after having an amazing heart to heart conversation with her aunt. So yes, her subplot did have a closure.

Sienna Trinh: Our sweetheart spent two whole books involved in toxic relationships: first, with her boyfriend, and then, with Mitch, her intern. Even though she only recognized the toxicity of her second relationship, I’m glad that she’s finding peace after losing Danny and I’m hoping for her to have an awesome Book 3 just because she deserves it. But yes, her subplot did have a closure.

Elijah Greene: Our boy was the first character who made it safe to Book 3. He had some issues when trying to keep boundaries with Sothy, his intern, and it seems our choice to help him or not, actually had an impact on the relationship between them both and in Sothy’s performance as an intern. So yes, his subplot definitely did have a closure.

Jackie Varma: Her conflict with Panacea was fully addressed in the Vegas chapter. However, we still don’t know if having her name in the list of doctors who received money will have some long-term effect. Will this be a topic they’ll rekindle in Book 3? I have a gut feeling that this might be one of the subplots that was carried to Book 3. So no, I’d say her subplot didn’t have a closure.

Bryce Lahela: The Lahela siblings subplot was one of my favorites of Book 2. Keiki is an awesome teenager, and seeing Bryce growing so much as a character was a delight and it made me really proud. He sacrificed everything for his sister, to the point he even swallowed his pride and talked to his parents to ask for help. So I’m glad to say that yes, this subplot had its happy ending and found its proper closure.

Rafael Aveiro: Book 2 was a such a self-discovery journey for Rafael. As I said last week, I think he was a mess the whole book, and I don’t think this had to do with the writing, but actually with the fact that, before the incident, he was questioning his life and everything he loved (even his feelings for our MC). The incident not only was a “rebirth” for him, it gave him a whole new perspective on life and it challenged him through his recovery process. Did he find closure? I don’t think so. Only the incident had a closure, his existential problems still have a long way to go.

Ethan Ramsey: Ethan had two face not only one, but two conflicts. The first one was personal: not only his mom returned after abandoning him 25 years ago… he had to deal with the fact that she was an addict. So even though it seems like everything was solved after he left her at the rehab center, I don’t think this is the last time we’ll see Louise, as there are some things that were left like hanging (for example, who was she talking on the phone when we first met her?). So… did this subplot have a closure? Probably yes, but I’m not a 100% sure. Then we had his professional conflict: the money problems were never about the money, but about being loyal to Naveen’s mission. Was this solved? Absolutely yes! It only took him a conversation with Naveen to realize that he could carry his mission wherever he goes.

Esme Ortega: Esme probably got the worst part when it comes to subplots. She actually had two of them and I don’t think any of them was properly solved. The first one was the harassment she suffered when we first met her. The “closure” was treating the guy for a serious illness, talking to him and then leaving the incident behind… or diagnosing him with dementia so he had to quit his job? I mean… really? And then we have Levi’s case. Sure, everything was properly solved after Leland Bloom and Levi’s family reached an understanding and avoided the lawsuit… but we’ll never know if she actually did it, won’t we? Where is the “resident-intern” confidentiality we talked about in Chapter 7? Sorry, but this is a HUGE NO for me.

I know there are some things I might be missing now, but I’m actually saving them for a future post. As per Book 3, my bet is that we’ll be having a new release in February, just to keep in line with the releases of the first two books. Will Book 3 be the last one of the series? Honestly… I don’t know. I know the series is supposed to be about our three-year residency, but now I have some doubts. First of all, medical drama is a topic where you can constantly add new content without necessarily repeating the formula. Also, the fact that was mentioned that Bryce’s residency lasts 4 years instead of three is kind of giving me some hope of a fourth book. Finally, let’s face it: Open Heart and The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir are currently the most successful series for PB. And after seven books, it’s time for the TRR gang to take a break. Maybe it’s time for Open Heart to pick up the slack.

Our MC: Even though I don’t think our MC had a plot that needed to find closure, the book certainly left us some uncertainties about their story. And the most important one is the lack of PTSD after the incident. Well… let me tell you that maybe not everything is lost. I was so curious about it that I actually did some research. And guess what? There is something called “delayed-onset PTSD”. This form of PTSD appears at least six months after a traumatic event, and in some cases, it even takes years to appear. However, this does not mean that an affected person has no PTSD symptoms prior to this six months period. This would match exactly with our MC’s behavior after the incident. So now that our friends issues seem to be mostly solved… maybe it’s time for our MC to face their own problems?

#playchoices #choices stories you play #open heart #choices open heart #open heart choices #casey valentine #ethan ramsey #bryce lahela #rafael aveiro #jackie varma #elijah greene #aurora emery #sienna trinh #esme ortega #harper emery #naveen banerji #kyra santana #keiki lahela #leland bloom #edenbrook

[zerochanges]

2020 Favorite Video Games

I don’t know if I am an outlier or if this is the same for everyone else but I really did not play a lot of games this year. 2020 was a very harsh year for all of us, especially for me for some personal reasons. So to get to the chase, I am just gonna say it left me not doing much in what little free time I did have, and I didn’t play much either. Usually I try to keep my lists for ‘favorite of the year’ to only titles released that year but since I played so little this year, screw it. I am gonna include any game I played this year regardless of release date.

Collection of SaGa

By far a flawed rerelease. It’s bare bones: there are no advance features you would usually expect out of these kinds of emulated rereleases like save states, fast forward, or rewind, and there was no real effort made to touch up almost 30 year old localizations that had to meet Nintendo of America’s then harsh standards. This really is just 3 roms slapped into a nice looking interface with an option to increase the game speed (which by the way you better use, the characters walk very slow in these old games). 

I am bit harsh here, but only because I thought the Romancing SaGa remasters and the upcoming SaGa Frontier remaster all looked like they got a great budget and a lot of love while this is just another Collection of Mana situation (moreso specifically talking about Seiken Densetsu 1/Final Fantasy Adventure/Adventures of Mana part of that collection). I would have loved to see Square Enix do a bit more for these older games. Or at least include the remakes. Seiken Densetsu 1 had two great remakes, both unused in Collection of Mana, and all three of these original SaGa titles have remakes that have never seen the light of day outside of Japan. How great would it have been to get the Wonderswan remake of SaGa 1, as well as the Nintendo DS remakes of Saga 2 and SaGa 3? 

But my gripes aside, these games are still fun as they ever were. Replaying SaGa 1 specifically during the holiday season really helped calm me down and made me feel at ease. It’s easy to forget but even in their Gameboy roots there are a lot of funky and weird experimental choices being made in these games. They aren’t your run-of-the-mil dragon quest (or considering the gameboy, maybe pokemon would be more apt) clones. 

Raging Loop

Perhaps my favorite game of the year, Raging Loop is one of the best visual novels I have ever played hands down. The level of creativity and splitting story paths that went into it is simply mind blowing. The basic premise is both a wonderful throwback to the old days of Chunsoft sound novels while still modern and somewhat reminiscent of both Higurashi and Danganronpa. Essentially you play as Haruaki, a poor slub that got lost in the mountains with no clue where to go until you stumble upon an old rural village with a strange history and even stranger superstitions. Before you know it there has been a murder and the Feast is now afoot.

The less said about Raging Loop the better, although I do want to say a lot about it one day if I ever can write a proper review of it. This is a gripping game that will take hold of you once you get into it though and never let go. I actually 100%-ed this and I very rarely do that. I got every ending, every bonus hidden ending, played the entire game twice to hear all the hidden details it purposely hides on your first play through, played all the bonus epilogue chapters, unlocked all the hidden voice actor interviews, collected all the art work, etc, etc. I was just obsessed with this game, it’s that damn good! And the main character is maybe the best troll in all of video games, god bless Haruaki. 

Root Double

From Takumi Nakazawa, long time contributor to Kotaro Uchikoshi’s work comes a game any fan of Zero Escape or Uchikoshi in general will probably enjoy. Root Double, like its name suggests is a visual novel with two different routes, hence Root Double. The first route stars Watase Kasasagi, the leader of an elite rescue team in the midst of their greatest crisis yet that could lead to nuclear devastation as they try to evacuate a nuclear research facility that has gone awry. 

The other route stars Natsuhiko Tenkawa, an everyday high schooler whose peaceful life is thrown into turmoil when he stumbles upon a terrorist plot to destroy the nuclear facility in the city and his attempts to stop them. Together the two separate plots weave into one and creates a really crazy ride. Part Chernobyl, part science fiction, any fan of the genre will easily enjoy it. And hey it’s kind of relevant to include on this list too since it just got a Switch port this year (I played it on steam though).  

Snack World

I was shocked upon starting Snack World as it is instantly incredibly charming, witty, and downright hilarious at times yet I heard almost zero people talk about it. EVER. This game is Dragon Quest levels of quirky though, and the localization is incredible. The game has such an oddball sense of humor that works really well with its presentation right down to the anime opening video that sings about the most bizarre things. Instead of the usual pump up song about the cool adventure ahead we get stuff like wanting to go out to a restaurant and eat pork chops. 

The self aware/fourth wall breaking humor is just enough to be really funny, but doesn't overstay its welcome and always makes it work right in the context of the dialogue. And finally, just everything; with the menus, the name of side quests and missions, and the character dialogue -- are all just so witty and full of quirky humor. This is one hell of a charming and funny game and addictive to boot.

Trials of Mana

Trials of Mana has gone from one of those legendary unlocalized games, to one of the first major breakthroughs in fan translation, to finally getting an official English release complete with a fully 3D remake. In a lot of ways from a western perspective this game has had an incredible journey. As for this remake itself, I really found myself having tons of fun with it. I loved the graphics, and the voice acting while a bit on the cheaper side almost kind of adds to the charm since both the graphics and acting really give it an old PS2 vibe. I know that is probably just more me being weird but yeah, I had to say it. 

I really hope Square Enix sticks to this style of remake more often, instead of just doing Final Fantasy VII Remakes that break the bank and involve extensive tweaking to both plot and game play. I’ll take smaller budget projects that play more like the original game any day personally. I wouldn’t mind if they also deliver a brand new Mana game all together in this engine either. 

Utawarerumono Trilogy

This year saw the release of the first entry in the series, Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen--and thus finally after three years since the sequels Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception and Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth came out in 2017 the trilogy is now complete in English. I ended up binging through Prelude to the Fallen very fast shortly after it came out and immediately jumped on to the sequels. Perhaps the best part of 2020 was that I finally played all three of these fantastic games, and did so back-to-back-to-back. Playing the first Utawarerumono was an experience I will never forget, it was like visiting old friends again that I haven’t seen in ages, by and large thanks to the fact that I saw the anime adaption of the game when I was much younger, nearly a decade ago. Back then I would have never of dreamed that I would get to play the actual game and get the real experience. 

And it only got better from here, as all three games are such wonderful experiences from start to finish. The stories are all so deep, and by the time you get to the third entry, Mask of Truth, it’s crazy to see how they all connected over so many years and weaved together into a plot much bigger than they ever were. What carries it beyond all that though has to be the fun and addicting strategy role playing game aspect, which while a bit on the easy side, is still so much fun and helps make the game feel better paced since you get to play the conquests your characters go on and not just read about all the battles they fight. Beyond that the games are packed full of awesome characters, and I know I’ll never forget the amazing leads in all of them. Hakuowlo, Haku, and Oshtor will all go down as some of the greats to me. 

Ys: Memories of Celceta

Ys: Memories of Celceta is a full 3D remake of Ys IV, a rather infamous game in Falcom’s Ys series. Not to get bogged down too much into the history of Falcom but by this point they were facing a lot of hardship and had to outsource this entry to other developers, and thus passed it on to two particular developers they had a business relationship with, creating two unique versions of Ys IV. Tonkin House who had worked on Super Famicom port of Ys III with Falcom ended up creating their own YS IV entry, Mask of the Sun for the very same system, where Hudson soft who had produced the much beloved Ys Books I & II remakes for the Turbografix (PC Engine) CD add-on created their own Ys IV entry Dawn of Ys for that console. Both games followed guidelines and ideas outlined from Falcom themselves but both radically diverged from each other and turned into completely different games. 

Falcom finally putting an end to this debate on which version of Ys IV you should play have gone and created their own definitive Ys IV in 2012 for the Playstation Vita. I played the 2020 remastered version of this remake on my PS4. I even bought this on the Vita when it first came out but I am horrible and only horde games, never play them. So it was a lot of fun to finally play this. 

Memories of Celceta is probably one of the best starting points for anyone looking to get into Ys, especially if you only want to stay with the 3D titles as out of all the 3D entries this explains the most about the world and series protagonist Adol Christian. Beyond that it’s just another fantastic entry in a wonderful series that has a few good twists hidden behind it, especially for long time fans of the series. 

Random Video Game Console Stuff

Xbox Has Blue Dragon: I actually got an Xbox One this year for free from my brother. Because of that I started to play Blue Dragon again and there’s a lot I would love to say about this game. I don’t know if I am fully committed to replaying it all the way through however but I find myself putting in a couple hours every few days and enjoying myself again. Does anyone else remember Blue Dragon? I feel like it really missed its audience and had it come out nowadays and probably for the Switch it would have really resonated with the Dragon Quest fandom a lot more instead of being thrown out to die on Xbox and constantly compared to Final Fantasy VII and the like which it had nothing at all similar with. 

The Turbografx 16 Mini: This was probably one of the best mini consoles that have come out and I feel like thanks to the whole 2020 pandemic thing it was largely forgotten about. That’s a shame, it has a wonderful variety of great games, especially if you count the Japanese ones (god I wish I could play the Japanese version of Snatcher included), and a wonderful interface with fantastic music. One of these days I would really like to be able to play around with the console more seriously than I have already. 

Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon Never Existed: So Nintendo localized the first ever Fire Emblem game on Nintendo Switch which is awesome to see them touching Famicom games again--I haven’t seen Nintendo of America rerelease old Famicom titles since Mysterious Murasame Castle on the 3DS, but their trailer hilariously made it seem like this is the first time ever they released Fire Emblem when in fact they had already localized the remake Shadow Dragon on the Nintendo DS nearly 10 or 11 years ago. I and many other fans I talked to all found this really hilarious, probably solely because of how much they kept repeating the fact that this is the first time you will ever be able to experience Marth’s story.

All that aside though I have to say the collector edition for this newly localized Famicom game is probably the most gorgeous retro reproduction I have seen in a long time, and I really spent many many hours just staring at the all clear glass mock cartridge. I have found myself really obsessing over retro reproductions during 2020, and obtained quite a few this year. I really hope this trend continues to go on in 2021 as recreating classic console packaging and cartridges is a lot of fun. 

#video games #collection of saga final fantasy legend #SaGa #SaGa I #SaGa II #SaGa III #Raging Loop #Root Double #Snack World #Trials of Mana #Seiken Densetsu 3 #Utawarerumono #Ys #Ys IV #ys memories of celceta

[badacts]

eyes on me (pt.4)

This fic is about Gotham’s revenant problem.

(part one) (part two) (part three)

Gotham is a stinking, ratshit city sulking in a sickly combination of sea fog and smoke. Goddamn, Jason missed it.

Things he didn’t miss so much: being in the same locale as his own headstone. 

He’s aiming for the grave of Marc Rand, recently undeceased, but his feet move of their own accord to a spot on the northern side of the cemetery. He’s been here once before - it was raining, and he’d been sick when his boots stirred the smell of wet soil underfoot, spent the night shaking and sleepless in the dingy studio apartment he’d been squatting in.

Now, his helmet filters that out. He takes in the smooth white marble of the twin headstones, one for Catherine and one for him. A memento to his old life, still bedecked with a bouquet of white carnations. 

He’s not sure what possesses him to look closer at the flowers. They’re fresh white, unstained by smog and age so far, with a card on the tie binding the stems. He’s expecting the name of one of Bruce’s society pals, looking to make nice by dropping flowers on some dead Crime Alley kid’s grave, or maybe some stalker Wayne fan. 

Instead, the card says: I am the soft stars that shine at night.

“I am not there,” Jason murmurs, words falling like stones into the silence, “I do not sleep.” 

He always loved that poem. It’s either a particularly on-the-nose joke on Bruce’s part, or something else entirely. And he knows it’s Bruce - even in the florist’s typography, the ‘- B’ is instantly recognisable to a child who grew up in Wayne Manor.

So that’s why he follows Tim back to the Cave from the hospital. That, and the fact that his replacement may or may not fall off his bike on the way without supervision.

Of course, Timmy doesn’t seem particularly pleased to have his help. If looks could kill, Jason would be dead for the second time right about now.

“Just sit there and don’t touch anything,” he tells Jason, pressing an ice pack to the back of his head with his left hand while typing at the computer with his right. He sounds grumpy. Not angry, as such, but still low-key pissed that Jason dared give him a teeny, tiny concussion.

Really, he should have caught himself. Jason is good, but so is Red Robin, and Red Robin can’t afford to be taken out by an (admittedly ably assisted) tumble on a rooftop.

Jason is going to keep putting down the fact that Tim did get him in a chokehold to his brief moment of mistaken sympathy. He’s going to have a bruise in the shape of Robin’s shinguard on his throat to remind him of that, too.

“Here,” Tim says, files folding out across the largest screen. “This is everything I have on Rand. I’d read it to you, but I’m still seeing double.” Because he’s dramatic as hell.

“I didn’t grow up on the same street as you, but I can still fucking read,” Jason snaps, waiting for Tim to vacate his personal space before he steps closer to the computer. There’s a discarded batarang there, gleaming black against the table, and Jason can’t resist picking it up to feel the familiar weight. Tim isn’t watching, and what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him. Probably.

Of course, before Jason can start the aforementioned reading, the Batmobile pulls into its spot, its familiar snarl cutting to silence. 

It’s not like Jason didn’t know there was a decent chance of running into Bruce when he came here. It’s just that he’s never as prepared for it when it actually happens as he thinks he will be beforehand.

Batman is hard to read in the cowl, but Jason can tell he isn’t surprised to find the two of them here. His attention jumps to Tim, still holding the ice pack, and he demands, “What happened?”

“Hit my head,” Tim replies, surly, with another of those killer looks at Jason. “It’s fine. We’re going over the Rand case.”

“Let me look,” Bruce replies, pulling back the cowl and letting it hang down his back. Tim, sighing, allows it with bad grace. “Were you knocked out?”

“No. It’s a mild concussion.” 

“They just don’t make Robins like they used to,” Jason says lightly, because he doesn’t want to watch this - the Bat clucking over his newest chick.

“I’m not the one that died,” Tim points out. He’s a shithead, and any regret Jason might have felt over giving him a head injury evaporates.

“Not yet,” he says, and even he isn’t sure whether it’s a threat or not.

Bruce pulls away from Tim, pressing the ice pack in Tim’s hand back into place. “We’ll get Leslie to check you.”

“I’m fine!” Tim exclaims, waving his free hand in exasperation. 

“We don’t take risks with head injuries,” Bruce says, like it’s a lesson learned by rote, right before he turns his gaze onto Jason. “Did you do this?”

Jason shrugs. “I maintain he did it to himself. Turns out he’s clumsy as hell.”

“Fuck you,” Tim mutters at him. Jason would have gotten a double swear jar penalty for that one, but Tim doesn’t even get a look.

“You injured him. Again.”

Tim rolls his eyes. “It was an accident, Bruce. I’m fine.”

“This,” Bruce points at Tim, like he’s pointing at a little cuddly bunny rabbit, and not a buck-sixty of highly-trained muscle and creepy, canny brain, “Cannot happen again.”

Jason leans back against the desk, casual. “Well, that’s it, Timmers. You had a good run, but Dad says no head injuries ever again. Time you retired.”

Bruce is scowling. “That’s not-”

“Or I can lend you a helmet,” Jason cuts him off, smiling. “The colour’s right and everything.”

“This isn’t a joking matter,” Bruce snaps. “You nearly killed him.”

It’s an atomic bomb of a comment. Just like he meant it to be. Tim looks surprised, but he shouldn’t. Or maybe Bats doesn’t talk to him that way, saves it all up special for Jason.

“Yeah,” Jason says, stripped bare of anything but the truth - no attitude, no humour, nothing, “I did. I hurt him. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to kill you.”

There’s plenty he doesn’t regret. Plenty of blood on his hands he’d happily get all over again. But there are also things he would take back, starting with the sick bite of a chainsaw between the vertebrae of drug pushers and ending with his bullet in Tim Drake’s shoulder. 

Doing what he does is a necessity. He believes that to the core. The taste for violence, the pleasure in it, the crack and wavering of his control - that’s dangerous for him. It’s an addiction that he needs to kick. 

He’s not sure if his words are offering that up as supplication, or just rubbing what he’s done in Bruce’s face. Bruce doesn’t give anything away. He never really does; not for free.

“And every time you did, you took yourself further and further from what that represents,” he says, and points at the thing Jason has been trying to ignore this whole time.

His old uniform, enshrined and adorned with the worst inscription Jason has ever fucking seen. It’s certainly no do not stand at my grave and weep.

Because Jason isn’t dead, but the kid he was? The kid that Bruce claimed as his own, the one he claimed to love? That kid is. And this is the grave.

A good soldier. A good fucking soldier.

“Bruce,” Tim says, and he sounds tentative. He’s watching Jason’s hand, while Bruce is looking him dead in the eye.

“Every time you do, you prove me wrong for ever letting you wear it,” Bruce continues.

“Fuck you,” Jason rasps, and throws.

It’s a direct hit. The glass cracks and falls in a cacophony, echoing in a roll across the cave to the point it compounds on itself. The batarang lodges directly into the armour over where Jason’s fifteen-year-old heart would have been.

“Fuck you,” Jason’s mouth says. “I was never your soldier.” His brain, that part of him that has been getting quieter and quieter since he left this place, the useless part that screams you replaced me over and over, is deafening. All he can hear is that, and the insistent thrum of his own heart.

There are hands in the front of his jacket. He and Bruce are eye-to-eye, and it gives Jason a great view of his rage. In that moment, Jason has never been surer that he’s about to be hit, and that’s saying something, considering his entire life.

He’s holding the front of Batman’s uniform so tight that his nails are breaking on the kevlar weave. 

“Stop.” That’s Tim, probably not for the first time either. But this time he prises himself into the space between them, unignorable. 

Bruce leans back immediately, letting Jason go. Unfortunately, Jason can’t quite convince his hands to release, or his brain to stop screaming.

Tim is holding his wrists, face very series. He whispers, “Breathe.” Jason wants to break him in half, but he doesn’t, and he doesn’t, and he doesn’t.

His fingers relax.

“Gentlemen. What on earth is the meaning of this?”

It’s Alfred. He looks furious.

All three of them freeze. Then Tim lets go of Jason like he’s on fire. It would be funny, if it weren’t for Alfred’s gimlet gaze bearing down on them. Or if the entire preceding five minutes hadn’t happened.

“Master Tim,” Alfred says after a long moment where none of them move, “I believe you have some homework to finish.”

Tim opens his mouth like he’s going to protest, and then sees the escape route for what it is and takes it like the scuttling schoolboy he is. 

Once he’s gone, Alfred turns. “Master Bruce.”

There’s a very long silence. Then Bruce says, “Hrn,” and turns away in the direction of the showers.

That just leaves Jason, still taut with adrenaline to the point his hands shake, standing below, and Alfred like an avenging angel above him, and a pile of glittering glass shards in the corner.

“Master Jason,” Alfred says, and then smiles. “Welcome home.”

#for the 12 people who like this fic and MYSELF bc i love it #happy new year (almost) #jason todd #bruce wayne #tim drake #alfred pennyworth #batfam #eyes on me #batfam fic #my fic

[calucadu]

One route to rule them all - Chapter 3

One route to rule them all, a Boku no Hero Academia/My Hero Academia Fanfic. Chapter 3.

Summary: Kirishima and Bakugou are complete strangers. Can you control their fate and make them meet and fall in love? (A choose your route story)

Pairings: Bakugou Katsuki/Kirishima Eijirou, Ashido Mina/Sero Hanta, Kirishima Eijirou/Midoriya Izuku, Kaminari Denki/Kirishima Eijirou

Characters: Bakugou Katsuki, Kirishima Eijirou, Sero Hanta, Mina Ashido, Kaminari Denki, Jirou Kyouka, Yaoyorozu Momo, Midoriya Izuku, Toyomitsu Taishirou (Fat Gum), Uraraka Ochako, Todoroki Shouto.

Rating: Explicit

CW: NSFW, violence, drug use/abuse/addiction, alcohol use/abuse/addiction, strong language, character death.

Starting point

Read on AO3

Or read below the cut

It’s true that I need to study, especially if I want to move on with my life. 

Slightly dejected, I text Denki back, telling him that I need to rest and do some stuff for uni. 

I feel really bad pushing him away every time he asks me to go out, but I really need to do well in my exams.

It’s like I’m stuck, like I can’t advance, and that’s why I’ve been rejecting him so often.

Throwing my phone onto the bed, I get up and get my books out, ready to actually buckle down and do some work for once. A series of chirping sounds come from the device on my pillow, but I decide to ignore them. I know it’s just Denki trying to convince me to go out. I’ve made my choice; I know that I’m doing what I need to do. 

I end up doing quite a lot of studying, and I go to bed feeling good about myself and the work I’ve accomplished. 

I go to sleep without looking at my phone, and only check it the next day, when I see Denki sent me over fifty messages. At first he tried to convince me to go, then he pretended to be angry with me. But he kept talking to me so he couldn’t have been that offended. The last few texts are nearly impossible to decipher, so I guess he ended up pretty drunk last night, but the last one reads: ‘I scored’.

I chuckle softly, shaking my head in disbelief. I get out of bed and get ready to start my day.

I have my usual breakfast and then brush my teeth. My music’s playing on at full blast to pump myself up since it’s going to be another hard day of working and studying. I do a little bit of homework until my alarm goes off, indicating I need to go to work.

Sighing, I get up and close my books and then go off to get ready to leave.

Work’s just like it usually is. I smile at the customers and watch the door forlornly, hoping the cute man will come in today, instead of just walking by like usual.

Sometimes I think it’s better if he doesn’t even walk past the shop. At least it’ll make me stop thinking about him. Maybe.

Just as I’m about to go on my break, something catches my eye. He’s there again. The blond god has yet again decided to bless me with his presence. 

It’s my chance. He’s crossing the street, but he’s not looking towards me. I could still run up to him and ask him something, anything!

His name. What he does for a living. If he wants to marry me and have children.

No!

Eijirou, focus. I can’t do this. He’s going to be creeped out by me if I go about this like that.

But… I could go… should I?

Go to chapter 16 if you go after the man (coming soon)

Go to chapter 17 if you decide against it (coming soon)

#bnha #ortrta #one route to rule them all #my fanfic #my writing #fanfic #bnha fanfic #kirishima #bakugou #route #choose your route #path #choose your path #kiribaku #kaminari denki

[lovemesomerafael]

Others Like Me                                 Chapter 7:  The Eve of Battle

Chapters 1-5      Chapter 6      Read it on AO3

The next morning, Bucky finally learns what the team’s been waiting for.  When he and Marya walk into the communal kitchen for breakfast, Scott Lang is slouched in a chair, looking for all the world like a homeless crack addict on a particularly bad hair day.  No one is sitting near him or talking to him, because he's snoring loudly and wetly. 

"Don't mind him," Tony says breezily.  “He had a long flight back from Siberia."

Marya is instantly on him, and Bucky finds it interesting that, although Tony goes into a protective stance right away, it’s all about preserving the safety of his coffee.  The look he gives Marya is offended and indignant, and it’s all Bucky can do not to laugh.

"Siberia?  Did he go to the bunker?  Did he see my brothers and sisters?  Are they all right?"

Tony looks over at Bucky with a raised, sardonic eyebrow.

"She's excited," Bucky shrugs, then turns to her with a grin.  "He doesn't speak Russian, remember?"

With an embarrassed but impatient exhale, she repeats the same questions in English.

Tony quickly explains Scott’s abilities as Ant Man, and insists they let him sleep.  He deserves it.  He’s been checking out the bunker for two weeks, and he’s exhausted.  Besides, he’s also caused a little trouble there - because when does he not - and Tony wants him to have to explain it himself.  

 It's hours later when Scott wakes up.  Bucky's had his hands full all day, trying to counter all the excuses Marya keeps making to go back and talk to him, and find things to distract her.  Sex worked for a few hours, but eventually even that stopped keeping her fully occupied, and he had to suggest a workout.  She’s only gotten more anxious as the day’s gone on.  

Right now, she’s beside herself and trying to work out her impatient irritation by tossing Bucky around in various throws that are making him regret his cavalier offer to play the attacker. He tries not to wince as he goes in again, trying to immobilize her.  She gets a shoulder under him – how does she keep doing that? – and once again, he finds himself pinned with her foot on his neck.  He tells himself it’s just that she’s got so much adrenaline surging through her, and he’s kind of worn out from last night and this morning. And again this morning.  He makes a point not to think about the fact that she’s been in the same bed he’s been in.

Finally, it’s time to get together and hear what Scott Lang has to say.  It’s great intel.  He’s been everywhere in the bunker, learned the routine of the place – as much routine as there is – and created a detailed diagram.  Marya created one when she arrived, too, but Scott was able to get inside walls and machines and fill in some details about wiring and such that she couldn’t know, not being able to shrink to the size of an insect like Scott can.

He was also able to talk with the captives, but only briefly.  That’s where the problem came in.  The Hydra brass are livid that their Asset and Troop Eight escaped.  They’re not convinced they acted alone, and haven’t given up trying to get the other Troops to talk.  The Troops told him that one of them was being tortured at that moment, so he’d hurriedly assured them that “Eight” was safe and with The Avengers, and that he would see what he could do for the Troop being questioned.

Scott shrunk himself and entered the room where the interrogation was happening, to see five goons having a field day with the Troop and a couple of stun batons.  He found himself particularly disapproving of their methods and unable to resist interfering.  He’d thought that he’d figured out how the power was routed in the room, and all he’d meant to do was turn out the lights, fuck with the goons a little, and then open the door so the Troop could escape.  Instead, he’d ended up fried, full-sized, and trying to explain his presence (and his suit) to a roomful of thugs who spoke only Russian.

The Troop, of course, spoke English perfectly well and was pretty quick on the uptake, to boot.  He told the goons that Scott was using a new Hydra invention that allowed him to become invisible in order to do “performance audits” on their behavior.  Off the cuff, the Troop made up a series of imaginary Hydra regulations on the spot and translated Scott’s stinging rebuke for violating them.  In fact, all Scott was saying was that he thought them bad-mannered and questioned their commitment to hygiene, but they didn’t know that.  While Scott recovered and repaired his suit, the Troop had the Hydra flunkies on the floor doing situps as punishment.  

Hearing that, Marya’s face lights up and she jumps up with a shriek from her seat at the conference table to hug Scott where he stands.  He looks fairly happy about that, except that with her enhanced strength, he seems a little sore afterward.  

“That had to be my brother! My true brother, the one who was taken with me.  Did he tell you his name?  Was it Desit’?”

Scott steps back.  “If it was, you’re not gonna hug me again, are ya’? ‘Cause I bruise easy.”  

“Not if you don’t want me to,” she laughs, radiating joy.

“I think that was it.  He looks kinda like you.  Big scar on his forehead?”

“Yes!  That’s him!”

“All right, all right,” Steve says, signaling Marya to return to her chair.  “I’m glad he’s OK, Marya, but let’s get on with this.”

Bucky’s happy she’s happy, and puts an arm around her as she sits back down next to him.  

“They really should’ve taken the dumb ones,” she whispers smugly in his ear.  

 There is now no question that everything Bucky and Marya have been saying about the bunker is true.  With the intel Scott’s provided, the entire team goes into planning mode.  The plan has two goals: rescue the captives, and destroy the Hydra bunker completely. Steve wants absolute destruction, and confirmation that nothing is going to survive this time. Uncharacteristically, for once he’s not even particularly harping on trying not to kill anyone.   

Preparing for the operation takes a long time, because Steve’s determined to wipe Hydra out completely while keeping his entire team safe, and Marya and Scott keep pointing out flaws in the plan.  But it's finally happening.  Bucky feels a sense of satisfaction and anticipation he hasn’t felt about a mission since his days with the 107th.  It feels good.  It feels clean.  

For the first time since Steve found him in Bucharest and brought him, eventually, to the Compound, Bucky thinks he's happy.  Actually happy.  Besides being part of destroying the remnants of the thing he hates above all else, he’s also building something good.  It's so easy to be with Marya.  She's had the serum, just like he has, which means she's as horny as he is, and has the stamina to back it up.  She’s also so strong he doesn’t have to hold back for fear of hurting her.

Because she’s so unsophisticated, having grown up in such an insular world, she has no guile at all. She says exactly what she means, and doesn’t know how to twist him around with the coy, underhanded feminine games that used to make him want to pull his hair out in frustration.  Which isn’t to say she isn’t playful.  She makes him laugh a hundred times a day, between asking adorably naïve questions one minute and, in the next, mocking him like the smartass she is.  

Best of all, he can tell her anything about his patchy, horrific memories of his time as Hydra's mindless weapon, and she understands.  She doesn't judge him; she can't.  She doesn't want to, because she is entirely certain that they are innocent of blame for any of the things Hydra made them do.  And the more they dig through his memories, the more he risks actually thinking about and even saying some of those things out loud, the more he’s able to question his own responsibility in it all.  

Because Bucky simply can’t maintain his belief that he’s a monster at the same time he’s falling in love with someone just like him.  

Maybe he and Marya don't have a lifetime of shared experience like he and Steve do.  Maybe they don't know each other's thoughts before they even think them.  Maybe Bucky still aches for Steve every minute of every day.  But Bucky and Marya also don't have the insurmountable obstacles that loom between him and Steve. 

The one thing he would change if he could is that Steve seems to have no use for him anymore, even as a friend.  Ironically, Steve's closer to Marya now than he is to Bucky.  Ever since Steve showed a willingness to teach her combat techniques, she hasn't been able to get enough, and he seems to be just as glad to show her.  Bucky knows Marya likes Steve, and the feeling appears to be mutual.  Strange as it seems, they seem at ease with one another.  So now, after a month at the Compound, when Bucky finds himself looking for Marya, he's just as likely to find her in the training building with Steve as anywhere else. 

But when he does, Steve gets stiff and quiet and makes some mumbled excuse to get away without looking at Bucky.  Steve and Bucky haven’t just hung out even once since they’ve been back, and Steve's entirely stopped working out or training with him.  It's excruciating, and Bucky misses Steve more than he could ever have imagined.  It’s part of why he asks Marya about their lessons; if he can’t talk to Steve, he can at least talk about him.  Maybe this is the way it has to be, Bucky thinks, so that Steve will move on.  He just wishes it didn't hurt so fucking much he can hardly breathe.

Bucky’s been working a lot with Sam lately.  They’re not close, although they’ve developed a sort of faux rivalry that Bucky really enjoys and thinks Sam does, too.  But Bucky respects Sam’s insights, and he knows Sam doesn’t pity him.  He knows Sam just recognizes him for the psychologically injured soldier he is.  That’s Sam’s wheelhouse, and he’s been willing to spend an hour or so every few days in what Bucky’s starting to think of as their “sessions”.  It’s helping.

This evening, while Bucky’s with Sam, Marya’s in the Training Building with Steve.  They’re done for the night; Marya was willing to keep going, but Steve knows when to quit, even if she doesn’t.  They’re sitting on the edge of the massive mat that covers a good-sized section of the floor, but they’re not talking about combat.  They’re talking about Bucky.  And for the first time, they’re arguing.  Sort of.  

“I think you’re wrong.  You don’t know him like I do.”  Steve winces. “Did.”

“Captain, please don’t do that.“

“Look, I appreciate that you’re lookin’ out for him.  But just…  leave it alone.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s none of your damn business, lady.  That’s why.”  Steve’s not usually rude, especially to women, but damn.  Of all people he does not want to talk to about his relationship with Bucky…

Interestingly, she doesn’t say anything, but she also doesn’t get up in a huff, either.  That’s kind of why he said that, kind of what he wants her to do.  Then again, he doesn’t.  Talking with her is the closest he can get to Bucky now.  

For a surprisingly long time, they just sit, silently thinking their own thoughts, until Steve says, “I’m sorry.  It’s just that, he and I…  it’s a mess.”

“When I first saw you together, it was obvious you love each other.”

Jeez.  What a thing for Bucky’s girlfriend to say.  Any other woman, Steve would think she was baiting him, but he doesn’t think Marya would even know what that is.  “We’ve known each other our whole lives.  Depended on each other.  We used to be closer than brothers.”  

“And you were lovers.”  It’s just a statement of fact.  This conversation’s getting a little weird for Steve.

“Yeah, but that was a long time ago.  Anyway, now he has you.  And I’m glad.  I think you’re good for him.”

“You don’t mean that.  But it was a generous thing to say.”

“Anyway, I’m trying to mean it.  But it’s hard.  I’m still in love with him.”  Steve has absolutely no idea where that comes from, and he sure as hell doesn’t know why he says it to her, of all people.  Maybe he says it to hurt her.  Maybe it’s a challenge.  Or maybe he just needs to talk to somebody about his love for Bucky so bad he’s lost every ounce of pride he had left.

But she’s not hurt, or angry, and she’s certainly not gloating.  If anything, she seems a little… sad?  And now that he’s started, he can’t stop.

“I died when he fell off that train.  I felt like there was no point to anything.  The plane crash after that, you know about that?”

“Yes.”

“I crashed that plane because I had to.  I couldn’t let that bomb reach its target.  And I was scared, I mean, I didn’t particularly want to die, exactly.  But the thing is…  What I was thinkin’ about at the end, was Bucky.  I was gonna get to see Bucky.  And I thought, that’s all right then.  I didn’t particularly like livin’ without him, anyway.”

Marya just nods.  “But you didn’t die.  And neither did he.”

“When I first woke up, and I saw where I was, that I hadn’t died?  I wasn’t happy.  I wasn’t relieved.  I was pissed. Everything about waking up seventy years after I crashed that plane, it all sucked.  But the worst part was that I still didn’t get to be with Bucky.” Steve’s eyes are unfocused, looking back into memory.  “And then I saw him, that day on the bridge.”

“And you found him, and you rescued him.”

“I had no choice.  It was Bucky.  I didn’t know how, or why, all I knew was that somehow, Bucky was alive and in the world somewhere, and I had to get to him.  I knew all the shit he’d done.  I learned everything I could about him.  And I learned even more terrible things once we’d found him.  But I didn’t care.  I still don’t.  All those people, all those governments tryin’ to stop me, everybody tellin’ me he was too far gone, none of it mattered.  All I wanted, all I’ve ever wanted, is Bucky.”  

“He knows that, Captain,” Marya says softly.  She takes a breath, like she knows he’s not gonna like what she’s about to say.  “The thing is, love like that, it can be… heavy, if you think you don’t deserve it.”

That pisses Steve off.  “What the hell does that mean?  I never blamed him for anything.  I didn’t expect anything from him, or try to change him.  So what’s heavy about it?”  He slams a hand into the mat, flat-palmed, making a noise that rattles the windows.  

“It’s nothing you did or didn’t do, Captain.  You’re not the problem.  The problem is what doing those terrible things did to him.”

Steve stands and starts to pace, his voice raising in pitch and volume as he vents more of the  frustration he’s been trying to keep inside.  “He could barely stand to have me touch him.  He avoided even seeing me for a while.  But I couldn’t stay away from him, and he started to let me get closer. I pushed.  I know I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t stop myself.  We were both alive, and together, and it was a miracle, but that wasn’t good enough for me.  I was desperate for what we’d had before.  And for a while, it looked like we might be able to get there.  We even made love a few times.  But there was always this wall between us.  It was like we were standing on either side, both of us wanting to get to each other, but we just couldn’t seem to break through it. In the end, he stopped trying.  He said he was just too tainted, too defiled.  And he told me I had to find someone worthy of my love.”  He spits the word with an ugly grimace.

“He just wasn’t ready to be loved by someone as good as you are.”

“Doesn’t seem to have any problem accepting it from you,” Steve snarls, unable to contain the flare of jealousy.  

“That’s because I’m as evil as he is.”

Steve scoffs and pulls his hands painfully through his hair, turning away from her.  “He doesn’t think you’re evil.”

“He doesn’t think I’m good.  Not like you.  To him, you’re spotless.  Virtuous.” Marya stands then.  “I’m not like that.  That’s why he can let me in.”

“I never claimed to be some kinda paragon.”

“Maybe not.  But to him, you are.  And that’s why he couldn’t let you love him.”  She waits to see if she’s going to respond and, when he doesn’t, starts toward the shower room.

Steve lets her go.  He knows that if he says anything right this minute, it’s gonna be ugly. Something about this broad who’s known Bucky all of ten seconds talking like she knows him makes Steve want to hurl.  And still he couldn’t keep himself from saying far, far too much.  Shit. He knew they were getting into dangerous territory.  He should never have said any of that stuff, to anyone, and now he’s blabbed it to the last person on the planet who should’ve heard it.  He thinks he hurt Marya’s feelings somehow, too, without a clue what it was he even said, and although he’s irritated as all hell with her, he felt like they were starting to be friends.  Now he’s blown that potential friendship, which will undoubtedly fuck up his oldest friendship even more than it already was.  

It doesn’t get better for Steve for the rest of the evening.  He has to watch Bucky and Marya, looking like they’re ready to tear each other’s clothes off and fuck right there on the table, and he has to listen to Tony and Scott telling him he’s three kinds of wrong about how they’re going to blow up the Hydra bunker once they get everybody out.  Natasha is in a mood, snarling at everyone and Steve in particular.  Clint and Sam are chattering about some inane TV show, which is stomping on Steve’s last nerve, while Bruce goes on, again, about how The Avengers really need to go vegan.

The more he thinks about his life, the more he realizes how incredibly unfair and fucked up it all is.  Why does he have to be Captain America?  Why does he have to lead this ridiculous group of mavericks and freaks who all think they know better than he does and probably do?  When’s it his turn to have someone look at him like he’s made of chocolate and shits rainbows, the way Marya’s looking at Bucky? Maybe he should just hang it all up and let the world be destroyed if it’s going to.  He’s exhausted, he’s up to his ass in world-shattering problems, he’s insanely horny, he’s desperately lonely, and he just wants to be left the fuck alone.

Some days it sucks to be Steve Rogers.  

 It’s late that night when Bucky makes his way from the kitchen back to his rooms, carrying a plate of peanut-butter sandwiches because he and Marya have already burned off everything they ate at dinner.  Steve’s just coming out his door.  From his clothes, it looks like he’s going for a late-night run.  Everything in Bucky wants to confront Steve, to make him talk to him.  He stops as they approach each other, and tries to look casual as he says, “Hey.”

Steve looks like he swallowed a frog.  “Refueling?”  He asks with a cruel sneer.

“Uh… wha-“

“You think I can’t hear you two?”  Steve pushes angrily by Bucky.

“Shit, Steve, I’m sorry…  I didn’t even think-“

“Yeah.  Whatever.”

How are they already arguing?  “No, Steve, c’mon.  I’m sorry. I would never…  You know that.“

Steve turns around and walks back, getting in Bucky’s face.  “You know somethin’, Buck?  I don’t know that.  And you know why I don’t know that?  Because I don’t know the first fuckin’ thing about you.  Because you won’t tell me.”  He steps back.  “So, fine. You found someone you can talk to.  I’m happy for you, I really am.  Hell, I’m crazy about her myself.  But can we please quit pretending we’re best buddies, huh?  We used to be, and it was great.  But we’re not anymore.  With the shit we’ve been through, who could blame us?  We should just be glad we’re even alive.”

“Steve-“

“Just leave me the hell alone.”

With that, Steve starts back down the hall, lifting his forearms and jogging, like he’s starting his run already rather than just getting away from Bucky as fast as he can go.  

Bucky’s in a lousy mood after that, although he tries to hide it.  He’s glad when Marya says she thinks she should practice sleeping alone.  He’s too wrapped up in his own head to even notice the strangeness of that claim, and he’s certainly not currently thinking about the fact that Steve isn’t the only one with enhanced hearing.

He waits up.  He’s not even pretending to himself that he’s not waiting for Steve to come back.  When he hears Steve in the hall, he doesn’t hesitate.

Steve sees him as he turns to shut his door.  Bucky doesn’t ask to come in, just pushes past Steve and shuts the door himself.  

“Bucky, it’s late-“

“Like you give a fuck about that.  Just come off it, Steve.   Talk to me.  Talk to me like I’m your friend.  Talk to me like I’m the guy who used to come lookin’ anytime I couldn’t see you on the schoolyard, and save your tiny ass from whatever bruiser you’d called out.”

“Talk to you.  That’s ironic, coming from you.”

“Maybe it is.  Maybe I’m a complete asshole and I got a helluva nerve, callin’ myself your friend. But I do.  I am.  And this bein’ strangers shit, it ain’t workin’ for me.”

“Yeah?  Tell it to someone who cares.”  Steve goes into his bathroom and slams the door.  Bucky thinks about laying on the bed while he waits, but thinks better of it and just takes a chair.  He’s sitting there, feet up, reading a book when Steve comes out.  He’s wearing nothing but a towel, and Bucky notices.

“You gotta be kiddin’ me,” Steve sighs, seeing him.

“This is a great book,” Bucky says, kind of enjoying Steve’s discomfort.  “You ever read this?”

Steve crosses the room to a chest of drawers and pulls out a pair of underwear. He gives Bucky a dirty look as he rips off the towel and throws it to the floor.  Bucky chuckles.  

“You’re an asshole,” Steve grumbles.

“You’re worse.”

Once he gets his underwear on, Steve pulls on a pair of drawstring pajama pants and a plain white T-shirt and goes to sit on the end of his bed across from Bucky. “What do you want?”

“I want my friend back.”

“Yeah, well, I want world peace.”

“I’d settle for peace right here in this room.”

Steve gets up and starts to pace.  “Bucky…”

Bucky gets up, too.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I’m sorry I’m so fucked up.  What you did for me, I’ll never be able to pay that back.  And I’d do the same for you, a hundred times over.  That’s who we are to each other.  The other stuff…  I don’t regret a second of it.  But it was always a risk.  We said so, remember?  And it didn’t work out, so now here we are.”

“Yeah.  Now here we are.”

Bucky can feel himself starting to panic.  That dead tone in Steve’s voice is killing him.  Aside from everything else, Steve’s the one person who can anchor him in this noisy, smelly, too-fast future they’re living in.  The one person who knows who Bucky Barnes was… before.  If their friendship is dead, like everything else from the world Bucky still thinks of as the “real” one…  “Please, Stevie, just try.  I want it back the way it used to be.  I need that.  I’m not even me if we’re not friends.  I’m nothing. All right?”

The way Steve looks at Bucky, it’s an even bet whether he’s gonna hug him or knock his block off.  At this point, Bucky will take either one.  But Steve doesn’t say anything.

“Steve.  Please.”

Bucky watches while Steve has a whole conversation with himself, which Bucky can practically hear.  He knows exactly what things Steve’s weighing against each other, and Bucky’s heart’s in his throat, because he knows one of those things is whether Bucky’s even worth all the bullshit.  It goes on for an excruciatingly long time.

“All right, Buck.  I’ll try,” Steve sighs, weariness in every angle of his body.

“Yeah?”  Bucky knows he sounds like they’re fourteen again.  He feels like it.  

Steve looks into his eyes from five feet away and shakes his head.  “I swear, you’re the biggest pain in the ass…”

Bucky, ecstatic with relief, rushes him and they hug like they used to. Strongly.  Fiercely.  They both have tears in their eyes.  

#Bucky Barnes #Steve Rogers #The Winter Soldier #Captain America #Sebastian Stan #Chris Evans #Tony Stark #Scott Lang #Paul Rudd #Robert Downey Jr.

[farashasilver]

hey! so, i realize im late af, but i finally took the plunge by binging yoi today. once i was done you were the first person that came to mind. idk if you give recs, but i was wondering - what would you say are some essential must-reads for a newbie to the fandom? fic that really blends into the canon and maybe fills those emotional gaps? (feel free to rec your own work as well ofc!) i'd really appreciate you pointing me in the right direction as i consider you a huge yoi resource! 💕

HI I AM THE WORST you asked me this literal months ago and I’m only just now getting around to making you a rec list. It’s been a real busy back half of the year.

OKAY SO I’m gonna put these behind a cut because this is a wall of recs. At least it’s somewhat organized. Some of these are very strong in the canon setting, a handful of them are AUs. You’re not going to get much plumbing of emotional depths from the PWPs, although there are one or two that stand out as really grounding their relationship in skating. Please enjoy this massive list of fic and mea culpa for taking so long to answer you (and I only recced three of my own fics lmao).

Cute short fics that are Safe For Work

Easy on my knees by ineptshieldmaid - Victor’s subby thing explored as a character studyAddicted (to the taste of you) by smudgesofink - After the Cup of China, Yuuri can’t stop kissing Victoryou’re like heaven to touch by lazulisong - Yuuri is wearing Victor’s jacket and Victor likes that a lotYuuri Katsuki Secret Route Walkthrough/FAQ by Metis_Ink - Meta fic written as if the show is an otome game/dating sim, really cutebetter than sliced bread by ebenroot - Victor owns a Yuuri body pillow because of course he doesthe naming of cats by csoru - Otayuri, a little bit of their careers and mostly them gravitating together for a relationshipa slow invasion of the heart by radialarch - Otayuri, Yuri is straightforward about what he wantsIf We Had No Winter by FreshBrains - Lilia/Minako fic where they maybe had a relationship when they were younger and reconnect nowStay Close to Me by dasedandconfuzed - AU where Vicchan doesn’t die before the GPF in Sochi and Yuuri just barely doesn’t medalNight is Young and the Music’s High by opalish - Yuuri somehow gets roped into another breakdancing contest at the press conference for Japanese Nationals. Outsider point of view.Of Love and Other Emotions by smudgesofink - Two fics of nothing but incredibly tooth-rotting fluffthe warmest part of winter by dadvans - Wedding ficThe Bulge (Don’t Bring a Weapon to a Public Beach) by nagoyadelay - Yuuri posts beach pictures. The internet gains an obsession with Victor’s dick.Feet first (Don’t Fall) by gunboots - Otayuri, awkward teenage romcom shenanigans

Smutty Victuuri one-shots

all the sparks you’re trying to hide by pageleaf - Yuuri gets in touch with his inner doma little love, a little sympathy by pageleaf - Yuuri figures out that Russian names have diminutives and uses it to his advantagea day for all the rest by Etharei - Morning after the Cup of China, a Victor introspective plus sweet morning sexStraight to Video by SocialDegenerate - Pre-canon, Victor’s sex tape leaks and Phichit promptly sends it to Yuuri because Phichit is the bro we all wish we could havei’ve come to be where you are (i can’t help it) by incode - Just some nice kinky sexsmoke and mirrors by grim_lupine - Victor randomly gets de-aged to his long haired teenage self and they bonePraise Please by surveycorpsjean - Praise kinkVictor Effing Nikiforov by shysweetthing - Yuuri doesn’t bomb Nationals and ends up at Worlds in the season before canon, is extremely confused as to why Victor is so interested in himTalk to Me by SuggestiveScribe - Yuuri has a language kink for Victor speaking RussianSubmission by SuggestiveScribe - Shibari bondage and orgasm delay with sub VictorStamina Should Have Been a Verb by scribblywobblytimeylimey - 12k words of completely unrepentant marathon sex where Yuuri’s epic inhuman stamina wrecks VictorIMG_20140215.AVI by neomeruru - Victor finds one of Yuuri’s old sex tapes from college where he one of his ex-boyfriends has organized a gangbang for himMaid to Love You by Kizuna_Auri - Victor in a french maid outfit with lots of kink because why notNot an inch of you I didn’t cling to by Farasha - Post-Rostelecom body worship fic, gentle dom Yuuri, Victor is the subbiest service sub who ever subbed, the YOI fic in my repertoire that’s most grounded in canon, I think

Smutty one-shots for Other Ships

Green-Eyed Monster by flammablehat - Victuuri + Yuri’s raging crush on Yuuri, Yuri overhears them having sex and has an angry jerkoff sessionsix feet under by knightswatch - Otayuri, Yuri has a pair of sexy leopard print heels and Otabek is really into them. someone on the dancefloor, waiting just for you by verity - Otayuri, kinky stuffHands On Education by BewareTheIdes15 - Otayuri, hilarious internal Yuri narrative during awkward loss of virginity shenanigansTeach Me Just What Fast Is by Zee - Otayuri, some kink but mostly them figuring out their relationshipDevour by dannydevito - Otayuri, face-sitting and rimmingKind, Sober and Fully Dressed by probablestars - Chris/Phichit, Chris and Phichit make a sex tape togetherthe taste, the flavor by pageleaf - Yuuri/Yuri, Yuri asks Yuuri to help him get rid of his virginity, hints that it could be future Victor/Yuuri/Yuri OT3crimson headache, aching blush by pageleaf - Victor/Yuri, Victor gets drugged with sex pollen and turns to Yuri for help, also features Victor/Yuuri/Yuri phone sexSoft as Snow (But Warm Inside) by Farasha - Yuuri/Yuri, Yuri gets drugged with sex pollen and Yuuri is the one who gives him a hand, plus emotional codaPino Grigio Boys by cherrybulesque - Chris/Victor/Yuuri threesome, they have some fun together in the hotel at a competitionTonight, You’re All Mine by doncastaway - Chris/Victor/Yuuri, Yuuri and Victor give Chris a booty call and he is not complainingOff the Ice by Halrloprillalar - Chris/Victor, someone throws lacy underwear on the ice as a post-skate gift, they have some fun with itwhat flattery gets you by tripcyclone - Chris/Yuuri, pre-canon, Chris expected Yuuri to be shy in bed and gets a lot more than he bargained forVice by Halrloprillalar - Celestino/Chris, Chris has had a crush on Celestino since he was young and seduces him at a bar

Longer Victuuri Fics (any rating)

Maybe It Started Like This by dance_across - Character study into both Yuuri’s anxiety issues and Victor’s insecurity issues and how they navigate those in their relationshipkatsuki_fc wrote by tetsurashian - Outsider POV fic on Yuuri and Victor’s relationship as covered by fan communities and social mediaMaelstrom by feelslikefire - Time loop/groundhog day alternate universe where Victor keeps repeating the Sochi banquet over and over againKintsugi by witchbane - Alternate universe where they’re both in the mafiaCall Everything on the Ice… by shysweetthing - Victor learns Japanese in order to better be able to communicate with Yuuri’s family, also a really sweet look at their relationship developing while they’re in HasetsuThe Boyfriend Experience by cryingoverspilledvodka - Alternate universe where Yuuri had to quit skating and became an escort instead, somehow he still ends up in Victor’s orbitlove like fools by lily_winterwood - Roman Holiday AU, Yuuri is modern Japanese royalty and Victor is a journalist, they run away togetherKings in Couture by slightlied - Devil Wears Prada AU where Victor is the fashionista and Yuuri is his brand new personal assistant (that he thirsts after like woah)we are lost, but we are not gone by persephoneggsy - Dollhouse AU based on the concept of the Joss Whedon show - programmable escorts that can be anyone you want them to be, heavy on the angst and mindfuckeryThe Lily of Kasagiya by Kizuna_Auri - Memoirs of a Geisha AU (kind of) where Yuuri is a famous Geisha and Victor is his favorite charming foreign clientnever stop until the grave by Naraht - A gritty, angsty look at Victor trying to balance coaching Yuuri and coming back to competition at the same timeFated by maydei - Technically a crossover with Loveless but the only thing you need to know about the Loveless universe going in is that everyone has cat ears and tails until they lose their virginity, the author does an excellent job of explaining everything else in the universe

Longer Fics for Other Ships (any rating)

adventures in personal growth by stutter - Otayuri, also features Yuri’s raging crush on Yuuri, series of three fics, Yuri completely and utterly fails at anything resembling “taking it slow”i walk my days on a wire by idrilka - Otayuri, long distance relationship with pining and Skype sexFrom Almaty, With Love by BoxWineConfessions - Otayuri, slow burn get-together fic where Yuri comes to train in Almaty for the summerNeon Pink Motorcycle by goldheart - Otayuri, soulmate/soulmark AU where Yuri’s soulmark is damaged so he can’t see ithe (walked like, looked like) burned like summer by foxfireflamequeen - Victor/Yuri, alternate universe where Yuri suffers a career-ending injury and seeks out the fae to get what he wants (in this fic, Victor is not a skater, he’s a faerie)Commemorative Photos by airspaniel & dance_across - Phichit/Yuuri, Chris/Phichit, Chris/Victor, Victor/Yuuri; a series of fics that starts with Phichit and Yuuri in college and leads into Victor and Yuuri’s wedding (where Phichit and Chris hook up)i know where my heart lies by orro - Yuuri/Yuri, an alternate universe where Yuuri is the 27yo champion, Yuri is the 24yo Russian ace who can’t quite keep up, and Victor is the bratty 16yo prodigyHalf a Chance by ratherunnecessary - Otayuri, also Yuri’s raging crush on Yuuri, a slow-burn fic of Yuri figuring out how the fuck to deal with his feelingsVodka Tonic by Halrloprillalar - Chris/Georgi, a hookup that starts after the Cup of China turns into something that resembles emotions over timeRed, Yellow, Green by dance_across - Chris/Yuuri/Victor, what starts out as a hookup turns into something like a relationshipbite down (to me) by pageleaf - Victor/Yuuri/Yuri, Victor and Yuri seduce Yuri through skating choreography because this is YOI and of course they doAn Excuse to Be There by shadow_lover - Victor/Yuuri/Yuri, Yuri kept the pole dancing pictures from the Sochi banquet on his phone, Victor and Yuuri know whyOpen My Heart by Farasha - Victor/Yuuri/Yuri, Alpha/Beta/Omega alternate universe where Yuri goes into heat unexpectedly, drags Victor with him, and they all have to figure out how to make it work

#yuri on ice #yoi #fic recs #ask box answers #twobrokenwyngs

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE COURAGE OF INTEREST

So to that extent they know the email addresses of trusted senders and even the routes by which mail gets from them to me. When experts are wrong, it's often because they're experts on an earlier version of the world of content-based filtering will leave the spammer room to make. Object-oriented programming a la carte. More recently the recipe is often one founder, one VC, and one independent. 99. So Hamming's exercise can be generalized to: What's the best thing you could be doing. At the moment each one has about 4000 messages in it. This a helps them pick the right startups, and b someone who took the trouble to write two versions, a flame for Reddit and a more subdued version for HN. But are these just outliers?1 He thought perhaps he needed a little dose of sociopath-ness. You'll find that you can't say what you planned to, but to show where languages are heading.2 He just wanted to talk to his girlfriend, but this is the third counterintuitive thing to remember about startups: starting a startup.

I've learned a lot since then, but if I were choosing now that's still the one I'd pick. And people's desires seem to be multiple links back to Shockley. But this way of keeping them out is gentler and probably also more effective than overt barriers. 9189189 localhost 0. A lot of VCs still act as if founders retaining board control after a series A, a fixed-size equity round can take weeks, because all the angels sit around waiting for the others to commit, like competitors in a bicycle sprint who deliberately ride slowly at the start that our filters let through less than 5 spams per 1000 with 0 false positives, and by trial and error, that. Both languages are of course moving targets. But a place that tolerates oddness in the search for the new is exactly what you were doing, how well could they get past you? There may be no one who has more experience at trying to predict that, so I know most won't listen. We now know the answer. Shockley Semiconductor, though itself not very successful, was big enough.

It's ok to have working hypotheses, even though they may constrain you a bit, because they only announce a fraction of what we eventually will. A nerd's idea of paradise is Berkeley or Boulder. You get away with it. How do you decide? 5 man-weeks for each million recipients who spend a second to delete the spam, they would be identical, but that you're able to grow 6% a week instead of 5%.3 Once you have users, the tamagotchi effect kicks in. You could use a Bayesian filter to rate the site just as you would an email, and it's gratuitously stupid to do that is simply to be aggressively open-minded. Feature-recognizing spam filters are right in many details; what they lack is an overall discipline for combining evidence. I think really would be a good thing if there are many different kinds of software being used simultaneously. Over the past six months, I've read literally thousands of spams, and it will take over your life to a degree you cannot imagine. I shy away from this question. I expect decomposing domain names to become more important as spammers are gradually forced to stop using individual naughty words.

Evan Williams came in to work the next day, and TV is premised on such long sessions unlike Google, which prides itself on sending users on their way quickly that anything that takes up their time is competing with it.4 So any new protocol is a big deal. To be fair, the universities have their hand forced here. I notice most of the other faculty. Could you reproduce Silicon Valley. Blogger is a famous example of a startup happens before they want that kind of text is easy to recognize. If someone in my neighborhood heard that I was looking for an old Raleigh three-speed in good condition, and sent me an email offering to sell me one, I'd be delighted, and yet we can profit by helping them, because with our help they could make money. Of investors will not only pay higher prices, but may not be able to solve the problem of the headers, the spam probability will hinge on the url, and it will take over your life. A company like that can move much more easily than one with 10 people, half of whom have kids.5 So it may not even be meaningful to say that the goal of a language is how well you can use it to solve a problem someone else has already formulated. But it may be reasonable to run with it. A lot of them don't care that much personally about whether founders keep board control.

Morale is tremendously important to a startup—so important that morale alone is almost enough to determine success. A mere 15 weeks. 09019077 people's 0. Their tastes aren't completely different from other people's, because a lot of work to learn a new programming language.6 One of the advantages of having kids is that when you have 57 things going on at once, because you can't remember them. So this is the third counterintuitive thing to remember about startups: starting a startup is merely an ulterior motive for curiosity. Fixed-size, multi-investor angel rounds are such a bad idea for startups that one wonders why things were ever done that way. A government that asks How can we build a silicon valley; you let one grow. The government could not do better than to piggyback on their expertise, and use investment by recognized startup investors as the test of whether a company was a real startup. Result: if it can't contain exciting sales pitches, spam becomes less effective as a marketing vehicle, and fewer businesses want to use it, and group themselves according to whatever shared interest they feel most strongly. He couldn't just let the site die.

This was the most powerful force of all. This sounds hard. Incidentally, nothing makes it more patently obvious that the old chestnut all languages are equivalent is false than designing languages. 027040077 quite 0.7 That's what a lot of work. I could be wrong.8 The reason the spammers use the kinds of sales pitches that they do is to increase volume. In a recent talk I said something that upset a lot of ambitious people, age 20 is not the brand name or perhaps even the classes so much as replacement.9

But that could still be a bad move, because macro definitions are harder to read than ordinary code. I have to walk a mile to get there, and sitting in a cafe feels different from working. The university is just the seed. Then they want to be able to get into the deals they want.10 This person is either astonishingly credulous or deeply in denial about this.11 You can hold onto this like a rope in a hurricane, and it may be. It never gets any easier. So a town that could exert enough pull over the right people to move from Silicon Valley to Buffalo, Buffalo would become Silicon Valley. These two are quite different criteria. To some extent, yes.12 Anyone can adopt Don't be evil may be the potential employees.

Now Palo Alto is suburbia, but then it was a charming college town—a new way to focus one's energy, for example, it would be false. What readability-per-line probably is for the programmer. If you're used to reading novels and newspaper articles, your first experience of reading a math paper can be dismaying.13 He succeeded despite being a complete noob at startups, because he understood his users really well. Venture investors, however, trust your gut.14 Maybe if you do it at any age? Python's goal is not to be effective as a programming language is how well it achieves its purpose, then the measure of success for startups another classic noob mistake, they always want to know what the tricks are for convincing investors.

Notes

How could these people. Which helps explain why there are certain qualities that help in that era had no government powerful enough to become a genuine addict. Well, almost.

Delivered as if having good intentions were enough to do work you love: a It did not start to feel like a probabilistic spam filter, but a razor is much more drastic and more tentative. But that turned out to be a quiet contentment. Strictly speaking it's impossible without a time. The few people plot their own company.

When governments decide how to deal with the founders.

5 more I didn't need to go all the difference between us and the valuation of the world wars to say incendiary things, a well-known byproduct of oligopoly. There will be out of them. Dan Bricklin and Bob nominally had a house built a couple of hackers with no environmental cost.

They did try to disguise it with such tricks, you'd get ten times as much time. It's suspiciously neat.

After a while ago, the best case.

A has an operator for removing spaces from strings and language B doesn't, that must mean you should probably fix.

So it's a harder problem than Hall realizes. Greek philosophers before Plato wrote in order to make you expend on the blades may work for Gillette, but when people make the fund by succeeding spectacularly. Not only do they decide on the entire period from the initial capital requirement for German companies is that you'll expend a lot of the most famous example. The two are not very discerning.

The proportions of OSes are: Windows 66. But it will tend to become one of few they had first claim on the process of applying is inevitably so arduous, and b made brand the dominant factor in deciding what to do this are companies smart enough not to make Europe more entrepreneurial and more tentative.

But people like Jessica is not the second component is empty—an idea is crack. At three months, a day job.

Innosight, February 2012. You're too early for a while ago, and the ordering system was small. 5,000 legitimate emails.

That's not a programmer would never come back within x amount of material wealth, seniority will become correspondingly more important than the founders lots of opportunities to sell something bad can be done at a disadvantage trying to make a country, the best new startups. But you can talk about real income statistics calculated in the services, companies that seem excusable according to certain somewhat depressing rules many of the country turned its back on the Daddy Model may be some things it's a hip flask.

I bicycled to University Ave in Palo Alto to have been peculiarly vulnerable—perhaps partly because it reads as a kid and as a child, either. The brand of an email address you can work out. 5% a week for 4 years. I think investors currently err too far on the spot very easily.

I had a killed portraiture as a child, either. Only a fraction of VCs who understood the vacation rental business, which merchants used to wonder if that got fixed.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #chestnut #Model #case #problem #search #h2 #ordering

[guacameowle]

Jihyun Route: Another Story - Notes

Below the cut are the notes of opinions & thoughts I wrote down as I was playing Another Story. It’s below a cut because it’s very lengthy; I think it came out to over 8400 words. I certainly don’t expect anyone to read all of it, but I had a few people ask for me to do this, so here it is. Some of it is more in-depth analysis, most of it is probably nonsense, a lot of it is me thirsting. 

Everything written is what I was thinking at the time something happened in the moment of playing the game so you can see how my theories/emotions of the game progress day by day. I did not go back & change anything I wrote after finishing the route. I haven’t even gone back to proofread it yet, so my apologies for ridiculous errors or confusion. 

The notes are broken up by days & then by endings (I’ve only completed good & normal endings so far). Obviously, this text will be loaded with spoilers. I apologize if you’re on mobile & the cut doesn’t work & you have to scroll past this horrendously long post.

I’m sure some of what I’ve said here will be controversial, but I’m not here to argue with anyone or create discourse; this is just a means to express my opinions & lingering curiosities about some aspects of the route.

I by no means disliked this route. I very much enjoyed it for all it’s drama, twists, emotional upheaval, discoveries, & Jihyun’s sexy sexy voice. 

Prologue

Like hell am I answering any of these calls.

Whyyy are you so obsessed with me?!

Omg they give you a 'call the police option'?! Iconic. I’m doing it.

I AM CRYING LAUGHING. I BAD ENDED & MC GAVE NO FUCKS. Just went home to order some chicken wings. A legend. SHE COULD NOT BE BOTHERED TO GIVE A FUCK. Honestly, that is my true ending. Ultimate true end. This is how my story would have ended if this happened to me in real life. Except I would have gone home to a tub of ice cream. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻 Excellent start to this update. She honestly just disbanded a cult & got dinner afterwards like it was no big thing. Boss MC.

Ok I'll do the prologue & play naive now.

Oh. A blindfold. KINKY~.

MC better be prepared to die because she just willingly let herself be kidnapped. 🙄

DAY ONE

The new music is so so nice. That violin concerto - so beautiful. I need sheet music.

That bedroom at Mint Eye is essentially my DREAM room. Wowza. So much pink! Yeah yeah, Ray, I’ll play your game as long as I don’t have to leave that bed. Ever.

Fuck. Ray is wearing gloves. FUUUUUCK me right up. GLOVES!!!

CATCH MY ASS FLIRTING WITH JUMIN ALL DAY ER’DAY. I told Juju I wanted to hear his voice. I’m so thirsty.

Jumin released a quote book. It probably has great lines like, “Yaaaaaa” or “What is fried chicken?” … I’d buy it. Will probably turn out to be the best trilogy I ever spent money on.

“Mankind is born lonely.” (Call Ray after 00:00 chat). This game just got deep as fuck. I’m not ready for that kind of existential commentary at midnight on day one, ok? Let’s chill. I came here to talk to cute boys/girl, not mull over how mankind was doomed from the start.

Zen is already basically horny & ready to rumble if you tell him you called him in the middle of the night because you were thinking about him & honestly that already makes this a fantastic update.

I’m glad we got a little more context on how Yoosung had a random friend who joined a cult & tried to recruit him. Solid tie-in, Chertiz. Bravo.

JUMIN PREFERS FULL-BODIED WINE. FUCK ME RIGHT UP. THIS MADE ME SO HAPPY.

Yoosung, you’re breaking my heart. I want to comfort him so bad. Everything is still so fresh & he’s so frustrated. He’s going to be an emotional rollercoaster this entire route. I can feel it. Deep in my bones.

“You should be asleep." BINCH. Then why did you call me?!

Ok, day one is almost fucking over, where in the mint wig hell is V?! This is supposed to be his route, right? I’m fixing to start answering for Ray in a hot minute if Pastel Princey doesn’t show up pronto.

ZEN IS SUCH A NARCISSIST & I LOVE HIM FOR IT. “I wonder what I’d look like wet.” Me too, send a selfie quick. Please. I’ll beg.

I can’t stop flirting with everyone holy crap I’m probably going to bad end. I don’t even know who I have the most hearts for currently…

DAY TWO

Why are the longest chats in this game at 2 in the damn morning?! Cheritz, please…

Have I mentioned I really like V’s new sprite outfit? CAUSE I DO. It’s an excellent style. That coat with the pin on the lapel is perfect! Mmmhmm.

Also, V’s sprite’s body language seems pretty important to me. That arm wrapped over himself & holding his other arm feels very closed off. He’s the leader but he’s curling in on himself. Yes, by now we know he has secrets, but this almost feels like he’s unsure of himself for other reasons. Maybe I’m reading too much into it.

In a call V says the dark sky was taking over the moon but then in the next chat he says he couldn’t sleep because the moon was too bright. WELL, WHICH IS IT? I am betting that "bright moon" was probably just a lamp. Flip the switch, V. Turn it off & go to bed.

Aye, Jumin went to a foreign university. I want to know where. Have it ever been said how many other languages Jumin knows? I know he goes to New York & China for business a lot, so do we assume he takes translators with him or that he knows enough of the languages to get by? I’m so curious.

HOW V & JUMIN MET IS THE CUTEST SHIT I HAVE EVER READ IN MY LIFE OMGGGG. Jumin calling the insurance company about a toy car. Stop I can’t. I love him so much.

LITTLE JUMIN IN SUSPENDERS OMG I AM SCREAMING. That mini suit is probably bespoke Armani. Damnit.

V & Drunk!Jumin talking about their friendship is going to make me cry.

Jumin talks about almost being kidnapped on multiple occasions as if it were just a minor inconvenience of his day. “Ran out of pancakes, almost got kidnapped, crashed my toy car…”

Yeah yeah Ray. They're AIs. Sure. Uh huh. Totally believe you.

HOLY SHIT. Seven got a major equipment & set up upgrade. Someone tell me he posted to r/battlestations ?!?!?

Ray said he's going to try to tame me with food & honestly I am not opposed to this. He found my weakness so quickly. BRING ME ICE CREAM! STRAWBERRIES! CHAMPAGNE! Ask Jumin to make me some pancakes, I liked those.

Whoa dang. Zen's "sleepy but maybe gonna lose my voice" voice is 💦💦💦💦

V in that robe. 👀👀👀 ((Lynn, why are you like this?))

The first recommended party guest is a vampire (who could pass for Eros Katsuki Yuuri in a cape). I love this silly game. You think if I told Jumin that the 'Twilight' series was really a documentary he would believe me?

So Jumin confirmed he doesn't have siblings. That's actually one of the lingering questions I had about him. I’m glad he & V found one another at such young ages then. One could argue that they’re like brothers.

I am going to say it - I think Yoosung needs to meet with a licensed professional on a set schedule. He has no outlet for these emotions he's feeling & fears being badgered by RFA members when he does express himself. I feel so bad for him, especially knowing, as the player, that he was right all along to question V & the lack of evidence on Rika's supposed suicide. The RFA chatroom is not a safe space for him. Yet on the other hand, he’s being very selfish in wanting the others to grieve the same way he is. This is a very complex character bit about him.

Jaehee continues to be wary of me nonstop… but is 100% convinced that Seven is inviting the actual planet of Pluto to this party. ::looks directly into the camera::

Now Jumin wants to invite an actual bowl of udon. ::looks harder into the camera:: (If these were the guest recommendations Rika got, no wonder she left.)

JAEHEE CG. CRITICAL HIT. WOMAN DOWN. “You look tired.” JuMIN! No! “You look tired…” LyNN! NO!

I think I’m going to bad end if I don’t stop getting Jumin’s hearts… but I can’t help myself. I am a weak weak woman.

Why in the hell is this chat called “Party at Saturn” but then in the chat we talk about Jupiter instead. False advertising!

I could listen to V’s voice all day. That is S I L K Y ~

Ray is reaching obsessive level status. This boy just attaches to anyone that’s remotely nice to him, doesn’t he? I’ll admit, I went into this route but really liking Unknown. He irritated me. I knew he was tormented & abused, but he was not a good man. Ray though, seems really sweet. So are we to believe sometime between now & the two years into the future something happens to him that just causes him to snap & no longer want to be nice?

DAY THREE

Zen is saying “lmao” a lot.

“There’s a perfect medication for that. It’s called… BEER. LMAOOOO.” Zen is just me in college. Confirmed.

Ok so this route has some of the prettiest CGs I have seen in this game. I am loving them.

IT IS 4AM CHERITZ. I DON’T NEED THESE EMOTIONS FROM SAERAN TALKING ABOUT A POTTED PLANT WITH TWO STALKS & ONE OF THEM GROWING WEAKER. GODDAMNIT. I’M GOING TO CRY. OH SHIT HE BUSTED OUT THE CRYING EMOJI. BE STRONG, LYNN.

If this boy doesn’t get some sort of emotional help & redemption in this story I am going to be so so upset.

(Call 707 after “Paradox of the Survival of the ____ Chat) Did Seven just pull a “BITCH WHERE?” joke on me when I called him sexy?!

V's dad is a vampire. Look at that guy. Jumin, don’t look him in the eyes.

TEENAGE ANDROID ZEN!

Jaehee’s "jet pilot" convo had me dying. What kinda Space balls + Monty Python convo was that?!?!

This slow mellow piano melody (I guess V's theme) is very lovely. It makes me sleepy in a good way. That gentle crescendo in the middle with the chimes gives me chills.

CHOIR BOYS JUMIN & V!!!! HOW PRECIOUS!!!

I actually like that we get to see more of V's hesitation & examples of him still struggling with the grieving process.

Yoosung is really lashing out here. I understand his frustrations but he is very blind to his own selfishness.  

OMG THE START OF YOOSUNG'S LOLOL ADDICTION! 😨

New order of favorite voices: V, Jumin, Yoosung, Ray, Zen, Jaehee, Luciel. ((This is shocking to me because I tend to prefer high-pitched male voices. Why? I don’t even know. The first time I heard Yoosung’s voice I was like “THIS IS THE ONE. THIS IS IT! QUALITY! GOOD SHIT!” Then I heard Jumin talk & my panties were WRECKED. I couldn’t fight it. I didn’t want to fight it.))

Aye, not to RUSH anything but uhh… when do I get to start giving answers like “V come save me” cause homeboy is at Mint Eye. I’m at Mint Eye. We can fucking leave Mint Eye together. Just saying.

Me In-Game: “Yoosung, I think you need to seek professional help.” Yoosung: “I don’t think I need counseling. I’ll just vent my feelings into my new game!” Me Out-Of-Game: “BOY I HAVE SEEN YOUR FUTURE & WE NEED TO HAVE A TALK!”

DAY FOUR

“Say Yoosung for example … [he’s] set to mourn the death of his precious but is he really sad because of somebody’s death or is he sad because death still remains a mystery to him?” I swear I just looked off into the distance & said, “Holy fuck…” Ray is getting DEEP. He just made a damn good point honestly. My mind is blown. I need a minute. This explains so much about Yoosung, honestly.

Ray just broke all the characters down in like 5 words or less. I am seriously impressed. Chertiz. CHERTIZ, MY DUDES. Your game is fantastic. Your characters are so in depth. None of them are perfect & I love it.

“… plant a seed of happiness inside you.” You’re not planting any seeds inside of me. Nope. Thanks for playing. I don’t want your seed. I can buy seeds at Home Depot if I need them. Thanks.

I’m guessing day 4 bad ending is you basically just joining Mint Eye with Ray at this point… & getting all of his seed.

JUMIN CALLED ME WHILE HE’S LYING IN BED. I AM BLESSED & I AM ALSO LYING IN MY BED.

Ok… I was hoping this call would get sexy but now he’s just talking about mattresses. Look Juju, you’re welcome to come & help me test the firmness of my mattress & I’ll test the firmness of your-

Real talk, Jumin’s exaggerated sigh directly into my ear via headphones gave me chills. Bye. I’m ascending to another plane of existence.

…. I’m waiting for that moment V changes his profile picture. WHEN. WILL. IT. HAPPEN?

The Game of Kings CG. I’m fucking crying.

VANDERWOOOOD.

Zen looking like he did an autumn “back to school” photoshoot for Sears & I am LOVING IT. He’s so cute. Looks like a Sketchers advert.

Yoosung is too innocent for his own good. Just met someone one day prior & already accepting packages from them. STRANGER DANGER, MY DUDE.

WET ZEN SELFIE! MY PRAYERS WERE ANSWERED! BLESSED.

Yoosung, I want to be your ‘master’. Please & thank you.

Elixir of salvation. Ah, that wonderful combination of harsh chemicals & neurotoxins/hallucinogens. I wouldn’t put it past them to have added piss. Ray says he’s going to make it special for me though by adding flavor to it. This boy is probably going to add a dollop of ice cream in it & say “IT’S AN ELIXIR OF SALVATION FLOAT!” Hard pass.

V COME & SAVE ME ALREADY! But let’s keep the robe…. for reasons… (Hello, you have all been introduced to Meowle’s extensive clothing kink.)

“The secret has got out of my hands…” ::looks directly into the camera with both eyes unblinking:: Boy, I’ve been saying this since uh… 2 years… into your future….

If I’m forced to drink this shit despite choosing the answers of resisting I’m going scream. I DO NOT CONSENT.

SAVE YOURSELF V! RUN!

Ok really, I just want to pick Ray up, toss him over my shoulder, tell him to hush & trust me, & walk out of there while karate kicking everyone in the face. Come at me. (Congratulations Cheritz, you made me like a character I didn’t originally like. You sneaky skillful writers.)

Holy shit, excellent EXCELLENT voice acting by Saeran’s VA. That was absolutely phenomenal. Sujin Kang. Bravo!

DAY FIVE

THIS ROUTE HAS GOT ME EMOTIONALLY FUCKED UP & I AM ONLY ON THE START OF DAY 5?! How am I supposed to do this for 6 more days?

V panting in a phone call = my mind directly into the gutter. Whew.

Yes, because keeping MORE secrets has helped us in the past 4 days. Does nobody learn from their mistakes in this game?

((Explained the current plot of this route to my sister)) Sister: “Ok, if this took place here in Texas, you’d just bust in there with guns blazing to save those pink & mint boys.” Me: “I wouldn’t kill anyone!” Sister: “You could just like… aim for their legs so they can’t chase you out of there.”

“It doesn’t matter what happens to me” This almost feels like V’s emotions go beyond just self-sacrifice for those he cares about. This blatant disregard for his own safety feels very self-damaging. I’m wondering if they’ll tap into this idea further in the story. Does he not feel worthy of existing? Of love?

Whoa… whose voice is THIS? Whomever this lady voice is, she’s got protractors in her eyeballs too, like Juju.

“I’ve lost my violin, something I’ve played for my whole life.” GIRL, I FEEL YOU. My heart is shattering for her & I don’t even know who she is.

Ohhhh it’s V’s mom isn’t it?! Calling it now.

I'm laughing so hard. "IT IS TIME TO ACTIVATE THE INTELLIGENCE UNIT!" & it's not even established yet! Jumin please. Omg.

How adorable!! Teenage Jumin & V!!

Wow, V's philosophy on life sure did a massive 180 in 10 years. Hmm, methinks his mom is going to come in to play for that.

I swear, if anyone else pops in & tries to “cleanse me” I’d start throwing fists. Touch me, I dare you.

V is resisting every romantic approach. I feel bad for trying to flirt with him. I guess I’ll just flirt with Jumin then.

Zen giving Yoosung some major tough love. He didn't have to step up to care for Yoosung, but he did. Zen is a good man.

Yoosung's crying phone call is ripping me apart. Also this voice acting is phenomenal. So so good but so painful.

This is disgusting. Rika has some serious psychosis & V decided to suffer in it as some way to "prove his love". That's not love. This is blatant abuse. I'm appalled. V was blinded by 'love', literally & figuratively.

In the end, V was abused. He had his love for Rika twisted/manipulated & used against him. He was physically hurt by his lover. This makes me angry not just because it happened but because he gave consent. I’m just… so fucking baffled. You do not encourage someone who is mentally unstable (or even stable) to inflict pain on yourself or others as a means for them to try to maintain a grasp on their sanity or ‘happiness’ or because they want proof you ‘love them.’ V encouraged this, he allowed it, he consented & it fucking spiraled out of control. He took on so much pain. He thought by doing this he was somehow helping Rika, but it didn’t! It just made everything worse & Rika went on to hurt more people after this. Yes, I see that V is trying to redeem himself somehow, trying to keep everyone else out of the situation so they don’t suffer like he did & so they don’t get hurt but I can’t ignore the fact that V made mistakes in their relationship as well. Rika’s growing mental instability should have been handled with a lot more care (therapy ((if one doesn’t work try another)), hospitalization, medication). He knew from the beginning she was like this, no? He enabled these tendencies she had & it wasn’t good for either of them. I want to know his end goal. Was he just being selfish? Did he think only he could be a cure for her? What was he getting out of this since it didn’t read as if he was really being loved back. Did he do any of this out of malicious intent? No, I don’t think so - it reads as if he was doing what he thought was right but V made mistakes & I feel sorry for them both. V is a very tragic character indeed. He thought his love was some sort of cure-all for his lover but it wasn’t. This is actually very sad. In a way, I guess he did stop her from hurting others (for a time) or hurting herself, but that still doesn’t make this right.

I was heavily suspicious of V in the original routes (even though his voice was so goddamn sexy), particularly in Yoosung & Seven’s routes. I still think V is not entirely free from blame. I don’t think he’s by any means evil or manipulative, just misguided in what he thought was love but really was just self-sacrifice & pretty damn obsessive if you ask me. It also rings heavily of codependency. You don’t give up every part of yourself so your partner can find ‘happiness’, that’s not a healthy love. Love yourself a little more than that, Jihyun, please.

I don't like Rika. Yes, she did good things while ‘alive’ & at one point she might have been healthy & mentally stable but it spiraled out of her & anyone else's control into a very very dark place where she became toxic, manipulative, & delusional. She's done horrible acts that I refuse to look past regardless of her previous ‘good deeds’. Bad people can do good things for all the wrong reasons. She needs medical help, I can see that, but that doesn't mean I have to like her. Her words & actions against V are very selfish as well, demanding he prove his love by letting her physically hurt him? She targeted his need to please & exploited the hell out of that - backed him into a corner & kept badgering him about him proving his love (even though he seemed all too willing to do just that). This is wrong in every way. Mental illness isn’t a ‘free pass.’

This conversation between MC, Yoosung, & Jaehee felt very productive! Yoosung seemed to actually listen & take in another POV.

DAY SIX

Ok, I officially feel like I have no fucking idea what the actual shit Rika or V are talking about in any of their damn video novel conversations. Too many damn metaphors & nonsense. Yes yes, sunshine, flowers & dark skies. Let’s move along. I’d rather hear Yoosung crying.

Update: V officially changed his profile background picture again but still not his avatar picture.

I hope Elizabeth 3rd isn’t suffering at all through this dramatic period. Is she ok? Is she eating well? How are her jumps coming along? Has she been grooming properly? When was her last bowel movement? I hope my precious baby angel is doing well.

V’s mom is kicking me right in the emotions. Every word she’s saying is just devastating. To lose everything & be outcast, having your child ripped away, not being able to find solace in something you’d taken comfort in for decades… I can’t even begin to imagine.

What a sad sad parallel. V’s mom lost her hearing & therefore her art of music. V is losing his sight & therefore his art of photography. Wow.

Secrets secrets are no fun… BECAUSE IT’S FUCKING RUINING EVERYONE’S LIVES.

I don't want Ray to be abandoned again!

You make one comment about recognizing a 90s computer & Seven suddenly calls you "ma'am." Boy, I oughta...

Jaehee says that V drives a British make car that is silver in appearance. I am hoping it's a silver Aston Martin Vanquish (aka Meowle's absolute dream car - only I want it in black in black on black).

I am laughing so hard at the idea of Jaehee just turning toward Seven & asking, "Do you work out?” ((Another Story - Brought to you by Seven’s Hot Hot Body. He Works Out!))

Yeah girl, I hate to break it to you, but that mask is doing nothing to conceal your identity so…

Hahaaaaa Seven imitating Jaehee in this phone call is pretty damn hilarious.

Someone please tell me there some options to throw a punch or two cause I fucking will. I need a Mortal Kombat option.

Jumin's analogy about V, Yoosung, & the apple tree was really really good! That pep talk was amazing. Jumin hit a home run with that motivation speech.

What kinda photos did Seven find? Naughty photos? Photos of Rika hurting V? Are we going to get to see these later?

Ok ok this might be a stretch but it's almost like V's mom's love & desperation for her child, that concern to only want to shield from pain & no longer finding purpose in anything else in life, is heavily paralleled in V's need to protect his "art" (Rika). Is this why he was so determined to try to be the outlet for her pain? He really thought this was his way of protecting her? A set of photos in his series was called Obsession, right? Was this all about an obsession with Rika? Makes sense to me at least. V is in deep, I'm questioning his mental stabilities as well in these flashbacks, honestly.

This CG with Rika & MC makes me uncomfortable. Hands off, please & thank you.

God bless Jumin keeping me updated on Elizabeth 3rd because right now she's the only bright spot in this horrifically emotional route.

"Once they get used to love... I show them fear again. Just enough to get them scared. And when I save them again, they become happy." What kinda toxic manipulative evil callus twisted deceitful bullshit. Girl, if I get my hands on you I’ll show you something to be afraid of.

Shit is going down & Ray is texting me about sunflowers. "If you leave then I'll be the sunflower. I'm going to stand watching the direction you've gone to." 😢😢😢 Please, don’t hurt him anymore.

I am at the end of day 6 & honestly I don't know if I am about to bad end. Did I fuck up somewhere? Oh geez...

JUMIIIIN stepping in & delegating like a champ. I love you.

Rika just sort of confirmed my little theory about V & ‘noble self sacrifice’, thinking he was some sort of cure-all for her demons but didn't see that he was doing more harm than good. I don't want to agree with her here but I almost kinda have to. I mean, she did ask him to basically keep giving her unconditional love, so she’s also a hypocrite in saying it was entirely V’s fault. He wasn’t the cause of her “devil” but I think he certainly had an inadvertent hand in helping it flourish.

Cheritz, please let me fight someone in this game. PLEASE! I want a full on Mortal Kombat side mode. I will go full on Liu Kang up in here, complete with all the noises he made in Sega Genesis - HUUWAH!

Hell. No. I will not do anything for you ((at least not until I loop back around to intentionally bad end)). You can fuck right the fuck off. I ain't telling the RFA shit for you.

DAY SEVEN

Oh ho ho, defensive & in-denial Yoosung is out to play.

“We’re teenagers. This is the period where we express rebellion.” Cue Jumin tilting his tie clip 30* upward so it’s not perfectly perpendicular to his tie. REBELLION! Drink tap water instead of chilled glass-bottle mineral water. REBELLION! Pay with cash instead of card. REBELLLLLIIIOOOONNNN!

Real talk - Jumin, that was some outstanding advice. He’s telling this to his friend & they’re just children at this stage? That is some serious insight. I will never get over how Jumin, who is so emotionally closed off, is such a damn good friend to V. His delivery was impeccable as well, it wasn’t condescending or judgmental; it was sincere. It was very matter of fact but did have a hint of genuine concern for his friend. Their friendship makes me very happy & I am glad they have one another. This isn’t just a “little” chat. This conversation goes on to very likely change V’s entire life… & Jumin had a massive hand in that. I’m so amazed, y’all.

Ohhhh, I offered Jumin a hug & got shot down. I’m hurt. I’ll never recover. I need to redo his route so I can feel his love again.

“Super-ego” Oooook…. BOTH of y’all need to reevaluate some shit.  

Rika had a bullied fucked up childhood & she needs some serious professional help. I feel like a broken record. She’s gone by the wayside, hell she’s lost the map entirely.

All these metaphors & analogies they keep using for their pain & torment, is exhausting. Hide it in prose all you want, what we have here is toxic.

This sort of solidifies my theory that Saeran has a split personality, this isn’t just anger. There’s just no way this is “the same” person. He’s been hurt by so many people. Now it’s sad to watch him hurt others. If they ever make a route of him, I will be very interested in seeing what the event was that causes him to finally shift personalities between Ray & Unknown (at least I’m assuming it’s Ray vs. Unknown & not Ray vs. Saeran).

“I will hack everything” Lmfaoooo. This made me snort laugh so hard my chest hurt. EVERYTHING! HIDE THE TOASTER. HIDE YOUR WATCH.

I can’t fault Yoosung so not believing what any of the RFA members tell him. He has no proof. He’s been lied to, just found out he’d been lied to, & now told to believe something else? Yeah, I wouldn’t believe anyone either. If you try to tell me that the person I loved & looked up to the most went evil, was hurting people, & started a cult I would tell you to fuck right off & laugh in your face. We also forget Yoosung is a scientist (though he’s not acting like one at the moment), he needs to see actual proof otherwise he’s not going to believe it. HOWEVER, he’s so loyal to Rika that if he were to show up at Mint Eye he’d very likely join them just to be with Rika again. I hope the RFA fights tooth & nail to keep him from going to Mint Eye.

Ok ok, in this VN, V expresses that he feels grateful to have been told by Jumin to not live his father’s life & to live for himself & make his own opinion about his mom. So… when is someone going to step in & tell V to not live his life for Rika, because ever since he claimed to be “her sun” that’s what he’s been doing… living for someone else again. V needs to live for himself, find what really makes him happy. A lot of this route so far hints that V is struggling with self-love & being ‘selfish’ enough to find what makes him genuinely happy. Also, Jihyun seems very sensitive to the opinion of others. That’s an interesting character trait - nothing wrong with it. I quite like that he’s played up as sensitive but tries to take on burdens himself to spare others - makes him a very tragic & compelling character.

ZEN MOANING IN A PHONE CALL LORD JESUS I NEED TO DRINK SOME HOLY WATER. THANK YOU, CHERITZ.

Is it just me or does anyone else think that Seven coming to Mint Eye on his own is actually a bad idea? You don’t mean to tell me this boy is not going be distracted by seeing his brother like this? Hmm saving brother vs. saving random new girl. … no contest.

“If you can’t relax yourself, I’ll make you relax.” Please please make me relax Zen. Please, omg.

THERE’S A “ZEN, MIND IF I REPLACE YOOSUNG?” OPTION. BLESS YOU CHERITZ YOU ARE TOO GOOD TO ME.

Angry mother-hen Zen is ridiculously amazing.

Oh please oh pleeeeease let there be a phone call to Yoosung where he’s moaning because of his massage.

WHAT IS WITH JIHYUN’S FAMILY "SACRIFICING THEIR EVERYTHING" STOP. NO. STOP THIS TRAIN OF MADNESS.

BLESS THE PHONE CALL WITH YOOSUNG GASPING & LAUGHING AS ZEN TICKLES HIM. Yoosung is ticklish along his sides. It's canon.

“I didn’t love Rika.” WHOMP THERE IT IS!

JIHYUN JUST ADMITTED HE WAS OBSESSED WITH RIKA. THAT IS A BIG STEP, PASTEL BOY! I actually put my phone down, yelled “I WAS RIGHT!” to absolutely nobody because I was alone, walked out of the room then marched right back in to keep playing the chat…

::shuffles notecards:: ::clears threat:: ::lips on the mic:: The sun is a burning ball of gas in space. It is not capable of emotions such as 'unconditional love'. It will instantly kill you on contact. Quit placing so many expectations on the sun in your fucking metaphors. Good day.

That Rika screaming CG makes me uncomfortable. I would now like to be excluded from this narrative.

I just laughed so fucking hard. Rika is having a fucking breakdown & Seven's voice just pops in ‘PSSST, ARE YOU LYNN?!’ I can't.

DAY EIGHT

Ohhh. Ohhhhhhhh. These answer choices are getting trickier. Just completely bash Rika or kinda calmly defend V? Hmm, decisions decisions.

So Seven didn’t see Saeran at all… & still somehow doesn’t know it’s actually Saeran that’s the hacker. Interestiiiiing.

Called Zen after 00:44 chat Day 8. Told him he was doing a good job by watching Yoosung because it was a hard task. “Did you just… diss Yoosung… in a subtle way?” I died when he laughed!

These answer choices all feel too similar to one another. I’m gonna fuck this up. I’m going to bad end on day 10… just watch. ((I have like 5 save files going though so…))

Yep, I expected this from Yoosung. He’s honestly not as bad as I thought he’d be. He even voices that he understands he’s being unreasonable & whiney - he just can’t help the way he’s feeling. This is a very visceral & real reaction. I think I don’t find it annoying because I was fully expecting this. I braced myself for it & I am enjoying seeing it play out. He was the most loyal to Zika, he’s going to take a lot to make him believe. Oh, what if there’s a bad end where he & MC both end up as part of Mint Eye?!

::battered & bruised:: ::speaks into walkie-talkie:: Day 8 on mission of V route. So far no casualties. On the path to Good End still. But V still hasn’t changed his fucking profile picture. Over.

[[Here is where I caved & actually started to spend the thousands of hourglasses I have on buying days in bulk instead of just calls for V & Ray.]]

180 HG for a days worth of chats?! Gooooood Lord. ::clicks accept::

Ray’s clapping happy emoji is the cutest shit I’ve ever seen.

I CAN’T LIE TO HIM & SAY I DON’T LIKE ICE CREAM. I FUCKING LOVE ICE CREAM. I HAVE MORE ICE CREAM IN MY FREEZER THAN ANY OTHER FOODS…

Whoa cool! Ray & Rika (my phone keeps correcting her name to be ‘Zika virus’) have profiles in the hacked messenger!

I told V “art” is part of my job because medicine is an art, right? Isn’t that a saying? “The art of medicine.”

Call V after 7:13 chat. This is a good call from him - not romantic I mean - but definitely good for more insight on how he now views his role in Rika’s progression.

Whoa whoa new chat room theme song when Rika joined in.

VANDERWOOOOOOOOOD!!! Bless. Their haggling is pretty adorable.

Update: V finally changed his profile picture & is emo as fuck.

About time these idiots realize the sun is fucking dangerous. Stop using it for your nonsense. This is driving me more insane than any other aspect of the game. Mention the sun again & I’m going to go stare directly into it until my corneas melt.

Was that finally a confession of feelings for you but kinda backhanded about it? With how torn up Jihyun is about this entire Rika situation, I’m very surprised that this route would even be considered a love endeavor between he & MC. I don’t think he’s anywhere near emotionally ready to pursue a new relationship with someone so soon after this chaos. I don’t know how I’ll feel if either of the ‘good’ endings is them together right away - it’ll just feel so wrong for the progression of his character. I think Jihyun needs to learn to love & accept himself before he can open up again to trying to love someone - at least loving something the right way.

Hahaaaa like hell am I going to say THE SUN is my muse. I’m going to stop going out in daylight at this point. My bones are going to get brittle. Thanks, Cheritz.

Omg V’s mom is such a boss lady. Be strong, Lynn. Don’t cry.

Aw shit, that fucked me up emotionally.

Is this why V doesn’t like people looking at his body? Does he have scars from this fire? I hope we get more on this. Or was that body comment just another glimpse into how unsure V is about himself? Another tidbit of not loving himself? Hmm.

I am honestly at a loss, I don’t know if I’m answering correctly to get to the party.

Noooo! V, why did you lie again?! He asked you point blank. You were progressing so well. THIS CAN ONLY END IN TEARS. TELL SEVEN THE TRUTH! Seven is going to be beyond hurt when he finds out that you just kept lying! He needs to know about Saeran! He needs to save him!

The music in this 22:00 chat is absolutely fantastic. Who is the music developer for this game. Give them a raise & a three week vacation to Hawaii. This soundtrack is so great.

OMGGGG did I fuck up? If V goes back to Rika, I swear. I’m so done. Ohh, that’s going to be a bad end, isn’t it? He’s going to give in again & go back to her!

This relationship is so twisted. We’re talking in fucking circles. This is the most unproductive conversation I’ve ever been a part of & I’ve spoken with anti-vaxxers in person.

I’m absolutely crushed. This was it. This was the moment? That full break between Ray & Unknown… I have no words. This is so so sad. The VA even does a different voice each of them.

I’m crying. Full on tears. Ray…

If this was the moment of the full separation between Ray & Unknown in this timeline, I am still curious what was the trigger to cause the full break between personalities in the original timelines. I really hope we get a Saeran route now. I wasn’t hoping for one before, but Cheritz has me hooked now. I need redemption for Saeran.

DAY NINE

So, I’m guessing I’m on the right track? Because I just realized a lot of the answers in this portion have a lot of self-centered MC options? So I’m trying to avoid the “me me me, V is better off with me” choices & focusing more on the “V is changing & growing for himself” options. I’m sticking with that since I’m fully on board with my theory that V needs to learn to love & live for himself.

DON’T BRING THE MOON INTO THIS. LEAVE HER ALONE. SHE DOESN’T DESERVE THIS.

Juuuumiiiin. I’ve missed you!

How many times do you think Rika had to set up her phone to auto take that photo of her standing in front of the Moon before she got it right?

VANDERWOOD!

VANDERWOOD SELFIE!

GIVE VANDERWOOD AN RFA PROFILE

VAN.DER.WOOOOOOD.

Vanderwood is laying down some fucking truth in this VN with V. Vanderwood - the voice of the people.

At this point, I'm just over arguing & talking in circles.

My heart was in my throat thinking Ray was going to drop the news that Seven was his brother in that chat room they were in together. I was waiting for it; I don’t even think I was breathing.

Oh RFA members + Mint Eye in the same chat rooms?! LET’S DO THIS.

Petition to rename the RFA to something else, anything else.

WHO DID THIS WOMAN JUST STAB. OMG. OMGGGGG. WTF WAS THAT PHONE CALL?!

Nobody has ever given V a hug before? How cold. I’ll hug you. I’ll hug the crap out of you.

I’m going to go hug my mom…

Update: Hugged my dad along the way to finding my mom to hug her. Hugged my cat too. My sister opened her arms for a hug when she saw I was making rounds, but I just high-fived both hands & walked past. I’m such an asshole.

Rika is flip flopping all over the damn place. Did you want his love or not? Is he your sun or not? Are you angry or not? Do you want him dead or not? I’m over it. Go away.

Ok why the fuck was the phone call from Rika about her stabbing someone BEFORE the actual VN where she stabbed someone?! I was so confused. That has to be some glitch.

$10 says now Rika is going to be torn between wanting V to die or not. She’s just going to keep flip-flopping. In the end, she’s just as obsessed.

Wow. Wow. The phone call where Seven is freaking out. Like genuine emotion scared shitless. Excellent acting.

DAY TEN

Rika was off looking for love her entire life when Yoosung was literally there right beside her loving her unconditionally when he finally met her.

Lmao "Don't go to the apartment, Yoosung. There's a bomb there." Yeah that's right, bitches. I can see in the future.

Damn Jaehee. Savage. I liiiiike it.  

"I didn't stab him that deep." Confession! WHOOP, THERE IT IIIIIS.

Son of a bitch. Ray is going to sacrifice himself isn't he?! While Rika's off playing house in her apartment again. I'm so pissed. Please please please let Seven save him.

I've been waiting for this Rika/Yoosung messenger chat! Now I fully expect Yoosung to resist harder & plead/beg. If I'm wrong, I'll eat my hat.

Damn they just give MC a straight up "hang up" option on Rika. Take no shit,  MC.

Everyone is hella vaguing in their profiles lolololol. You know you’re desperate when you’re vaguing in a closed off messenger accessible to only 7 people. We all know who you’re talking about. You’re not slick. 

Oh shit. V's mom making a comeback to slap me right in my feelings.

Ray's call after the 18:00 chat...

I have never been more attracted to Jumin in my fucking LIFE.

Ray’s best call is the one you make to him after 19:49. He cares so so much. He has so much to give despite being hurt & used & broken over & over again.  This was a great phone call. Devastatingly sad, but excellent for his character.

Where in the fresh hell did Vanderwood just pop off to? Last I saw him Seven asked him to look after MC. Then never again…

You bet your ass I chose the answer to tie Yoosung up. Like my thirsty domme ass was going to let that opportunity sliiiiiide on by. I’m not even surprised that Yoosung giggled at the idea. Bless his subby heart. Boy wants it bad. I am willing to give & give & give...

Whooooa 21:53 chat: “Ray has entered the chatroom” but ended with “Unknown has left the chatroom” I know this happened before but this is right before the final fight, right? Is Seven going to show up & find Unknown instead of Ray? Are they even going to do the brother reveal? Ray’s going to die, isn’t he? I can’t help but think that if V had told him, Seven would have tried harder, would have gone there personally. But then maybe Seven would get hurt too? Is Seven going to die?!

Yes, Jihyun! Find & love yourself! Live for yourself! This is an excellent idea! I approve of this. You need this. Forget about Rika! I wish you luck! 

Sonofabitchfuckfuckfuck. Ray deserved better. RAY DESERVED BETTER. That poor boy. He was so used, so confused, & so so tormented. I’m so angry. This wasn’t fair. I’m going to pout & be pissy about this for a long time. I’m hoping he really isn’t dead. Please please. I’m going to be in denial about this, I know it. I mean, they did show him in the control room in Mint Eye. He gave his final words & then there was the explosion. Is it too silly to hope that he somehow got out? Maybe...

Wowowow. That final chat with Rika, begging like that. That was brutal. Even in the middle there she switched between pleading & saying she’d get revenge. I really do pity her & I hope she gets help in this route but at this point I don’t even know. I’m on this emotional see-saw where I really dislike her but on the other side pity her. I’ll admit, I’m spending a lot more time on the side of not liking her. 

DAY ELEVEN

She’s not dead. There’s no way. I won’t believe it until I see a body (same with Saeran). YOU CAN’T TRICK ME. I’M A VETERAN OF THESE PLOYS!

Jumin. Fucking. Han. This man is so good. He’s so strong even though he’s struggling himself. That “lean on me” line nearly had me tearing up. Jumin Han is a GOOD MAN.

Also, Jumin said it isn’t confirmed if the hacker was in the building or not. I mean, being in a direct explosion could very well decimate a body, but what if he got out? Ray did sound pretty desolate about not having anywhere else to go & did seem pretty resigned to this suicide mission though. This isn’t fair.

PARTY ATTEMPT #1 (Invited 24 guests) - Good Ending?

WHAT?! WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? Is this like a “bad end” party? Why is she here? I fucked up, didn’t I? (I feel like the Minister of Magic in Harry Potter shouting “He’s back!”) ((If she gets to live & Ray actually died... I can’t. I’m still so angry.))

Yoosung, noooo!

OMG YOOSUNG, YES!

V’s mom has managed to make me tear up nearly every time she pops up on the screen. She had such impact on this route despite not be present in the here & now of it. She’s an angel. A fucking angel. Every CG of her’s has blessed me. This background story on her was so amazing. Her struggle & sacrifice for her son & finding purpose in herself after losing so much was... so beautiful. I’m going to cry again. 

BABY JIHYUN WITH HIS MOM CG. I’m crying for real. This is beautiful. The emotions for this were so so good.

What is with this game & Alaska?! Everyone is going there. Maybe Ray went to Alaska! 

That’s rich, Zen. Calling Jumin an alcoholic. Pot meet kettle.

Shit goddamn Jumin, was it necessary to be THAT savage about Zen’s selfies?

Jihyun turned into a beautiful happy hippie.

Hippie Jihyun is hot as hell. That smile. Wow.

Holy shit. “I want to love you. I will love you. I love you, just as I love myself.” That’s a damn good line! Damn good. 

Honestly, I am beyond glad, thrilled, immensely happy that there was a two year gap between Jihyun & MC actually getting together. If he had just jumped right into a relationship with MC after all of this, I would have questioned the foundation of the relationship. He was not emotionally ready for that so I’m glad the story allowed the time break so he could grow, heal, discover on his own.

I like that Jihyun wanted to be called his birth name again, not the ‘persona’ V that he’d created for his art, like a cloak or shield. He found & accepted himself & wanted to be that person. That’s beautiful. Self-love is very hard to achieve. I know a lot of people struggle with it, so it’s nice to see that represented in a character.

I want answers for what happened with Rika. We are just to assume she was sent off somewhere to get help with no updates?

I do not like that Seven was never told about Ray. I know it would cause more hurt for him, but he deserved to know. That just felt dirty. I feel dirty.

I am genuinely impressed that Yoosung was the one to stand up at the end to apprehend Rika. He was a little tornado this entire route & I was glad to see him finally understand at the end that this Rika was not the same one he cared so deeply for. Being the one to grab her & hand her in, had to have hurt him - but he stepped up & did it. That was good progression for him. Took him a long damn while to get to that acceptance, but that action of his took a lot.

I’m glad Jihyun’s route focused more on his development to turn away from obsession & look toward himself. It’s a similar kind of character growth in the other routes (learning to accept yourself & grow beyond something holding you back). These stories were never just about falling in love with someone, they grew to be better versions of themselves in the end. Jihyun’s development was definitely more artistic (cushioned in prose & woven in metaphors & abstracts) than others, but it was interesting just the same.

I like that they made such a big deal about Jihyun getting his eyes repaired. He refused to get them healed other times, but showing he was willing now & grateful to Jumin for setting it up was a nice touch to see how developed he’s become & showing he’s willing to let go of Rika (despite him talking about her every other sentence still…). Baby steps. He’s letting go of the hurt, recognizing he’s worthy of love & happiness too.

Maybe it’s just me, but was anyone else sort of wanting to see a CG of one of Jihyun’s paintings? I would have liked to have seen what they considered his painting style. He looks much more relaxed & carefree in his good ending CG, I wondered if his paintings would have reflected that.

PARTY ATTEMPT #2 (Invited 5 guests) - Normal Ending?

I really like this idea of Jihyun just venturing out on his own to find what he likes, what makes him happy. The self-discovery journey. But boy, you were just stabbed. I don’t think you can be discharged within a day after a celiotomy.

Jihyun talking about his dream house is ridiculously cute. This man essentially wants a little messy cottage in the city. How adorable. He went from being a materialistic & pragmatic teenager to being content with a sort of abstract pleasures in his adulthood.

Oh, so in this ending Jihyun asks MC right off the bat to be with him. Seems a little rushed, no? I don’t think he’s ready. He’s feeling a lot right now. Who is to say his obsession won’t transfer over to MC? He claims to have learned his lesson & to recognize the difference between obsession & love but I still think it’s very soon. I really wouldn’t want this to turn into Jihyun becoming dependent on MC after this emotional trauma & that being the basis for their relationship.

MC’S ONLY RESPONSE IS “ALRIGHT” Omg. So bland.

Are we to assume that Rika is actually dead in this ending? Because she never showed back up? Hmm.

So there’s a 2 year jump in this ending too, only we’re to assume that MC & Jihyun have been together as a couple during that time?

Ohhhhhh you can call Jihyun “darling”! <3

Wait, didn’t Jihyun say he wanted a little house in the city with curtains to block out the sun? This looks like a high rise apartment with massive fucking windows & sheer curtains that let in a lot of sun... but ok.

WHOA WHOA, Jihyun became a musician in this ending?! I want to know what he plays! Does he play piano like his theme song?! Does he play violin like his mom?!?! I will cry.

Jihyun’s pouty voice is ADORABLE! Holy crap where has this been all my life?!

Oh, interesting! He’s still very sensitive to the opinions of others (I mean, I certainly didn’t expect that to go away, you’re always going to fear criticisms). At least, he seems a little more open to hearing them, even if he’s hesitant to play for MC again since he wants her to like what he plays. He’s still a little shy, private, & sensitive. Cute.

These rich boys & their pancakes…

Jumin obsessed with pancake recipes confirmed. I love him so much.

His answer about their relationship was very sweet & shows how he’s come to understand a give & take balance, as well as loving himself & genuinely loving together. That was cute.

Still pissed that Seven never found out about Ray.

I want to know what instrument Jihyun plays!

OTHER

I went from being very skeptical of Jihyun’s character (he just felt downright shady) in other routes to liking him (now that we see the depths of his self-damaging & self-sacrificing behavior & the full reason behind all the secrets). He’s certainly not perfect. He’s made many mistakes. He was misguided in a lot of aspects. He’s still learning & now trying to do better. He’s talented, pretty, sensitive, kind, & generous. He was a victim as well & even had a hand in his own progressing downfall before he realized his mistakes & reevaluated himself & the situation. I definitely like him a lot more now that I know the reasoning behind his actions & seeing the changes in him for the better - especially seeing him accept & appreciate himself more. 

Yeah yeah, I’m going to be that person - I’m sad we didn’t get a kiss CG! I wanted one, not going to lie. Maybe we’ll get one for his After Ending if he gets an after ending?! Who knows. I wanna smooch him, that’s for sure. 

I expected to like the normal ending more since I liked all the other normal endings for the other characters more than their good endings, however I find myself liking Jihyun’s good ending over his normal ending. I just can’t get past the fact that I think he needed that self-evaluation time away from MC. That two years apart (though probably a lot longer than I would have expected the game to do) felt necessary. In his good ending, Jihyun sounded much more certain that MC was who he wanted to be with & to love instead of asking MC straight away to just stick by him in his normal ending. In his normal ending, MC questioned him, & he sort of recited a dialogue about their love. Maybe I’m reading too much into this, but it sounded like he was trying to reassure himself? Or maybe MC was just trying to gently remind him that yes, what we have is real, & healthy, & good for both of us & just needed him to say it aloud? Regardless, good ending sat better with me overall.

I still want to know what the other photos were in that series of photographs he took. I mean Seven, sounded pretty damn shocked by them. We didn’t even get a line about if it was actual imagines of inflicted harm or salacious material (I’m not trying to be a pervert for once, I’m genuinely curious).

Ray deserved better. I don’t think I can put it into any other words than that. I was very upset with his end in all of this. He didn’t deserve that. Only Rika & V knew his identity. Rika is either dead or being treated somewhere (depending on whichever ending you cater to) & in neither of the endings did Jihyun make known that the hacker was Saeran. I’m legitimately angry about this. How can Saeran even rest in peace that way? Is only the audience (& MC) to mourn for him? Everyone (RFA) is mourning for Rika in a sense but Ray deserves SOMEONE who knows who he was. Sure, Rika has that moment where she screamed & felt remorse, but she still didn’t speak up. Would anyone have believed her if she had? Maybe not. But he deserved someone trying on his behalf. Maybe I’m sitting too long on this, but it felt dirty. I know I said that earlier somewhere, but I still think it. This was wrong. He died in an explosion, alone, with only two people knowing who he really was & they didn’t fucking say anything. Seven is never going to really know what happened to his brother, so what happens if he goes looking for him in the future? Fuck, I’m crying again. I’m so sorry, Ray. You didn’t deserve this, you just trusted the wrong people. 

#v's route #another story #mm #mysme #mystic messenger #text post #long post #meowle mumbles #meowle notes #jihyun kim #V #jumin han #yoosung kim #zen #hyun ryu #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #saeran choi #ray choi #jaehee kang #rika #vanderwood #spoilers #jihyun kim route notes #route notes

[cookiedoughmeagain]

Annual writing self evaluation - 2017

I was tagged by @grey-haven :)

*All answers should be about works published in 2017

1. List of works published this (last) year

In order of published date, most recent first:

A Hand in His Hair : Haven, Nuke, Rated E Haven Crew Prompts : Haven, Various, Rated G Were you ever going to tell me? : Haven, Nuke, G I Just Wanna Feel … : Haven, Nuke, E Real Distraction : Haven, Nuke, E Out of Space and Time : Haven, Daudrey, E It's Not a Date : Sometimes I write stuff that's not Haven! This is Peluso/Finn from Conviction. Rated T

Wanna make this more interesting? : Haven, Nuke, E After the Troubles : Haven, Various, G Take Care : Haven, Threegulls, G Coffee Break : Haven, Nuke, E Here Be Dragons : Haven, Nuke, G Duke and his boat cat : Haven, Threegulls, G Spun Around : Haven, Nuke, M Nuke and ThreeGulls Sketches : Haven, Threegulls, Nuke and others, T Around the World in 80 Arrest Warrants … : Haven, Nuke, G I Will Always Find You : Haven, Nuke, T I Wasn't In Any Club Last Night : Haven, Nuke, M Five different moments in the life of Duke and Nate, and one that happens without them. : Haven, Nuke, M Vacation : Haven, Nuke, M Proposal (with @grey-haven​) : Haven, Nuke, G What Do You Desire? : Haven/Lucifer crossover, M Life Lessons : Haven, Nuke and Gloria, G Wedding Rights : Haven, Nuke, G High School : Haven, Nuke, T 1983 : Haven, Nuke, G Nefarious Creature : Haven, Nuke, E Have a little Faith : Haven/Buffy Crossover, Nuke / Faith, M Fear and Processing : Haven, Nuke, T Snippets From A Life That Might Have Been : Haven, Threegulls, T Mistletoe : Haven, Nuke, BalfourBryant, T Waking Up : Haven, Naudrey to Threegulls, E Long Distance : Haven, Threegulls, E Up Past Lookout Point : Haven, Threegulls, M A minute can last forever : Haven, Threegulls, E Addicted to the feel of her skin : Haven, Mara/Nathan, E Hey Kiddo, : Haven, Duke and Gloria, G If the Wind Changes : Haven, Threegulls, G i lik the fandum : Various fandoms, mostly Haven Game Night : Haven, Threegulls, E Moment by Moment : Haven, Naudrey to Threegulls, E Confidence is a Preference : Haven, Naudrey to Threegulls, E All Alone In The Night : Haven, Daudrey (sort of), M Every cloud has a silver lining : Haven, Threegulls, T Afternoon Luxury : Haven, Threegulls, T The Power of a Touch : Haven, finale fix-it, G You Think You Ever Would? : Haven, Naudrey becomes Threegulls, T

So, that's 91.5% of last years fics are pure Haven, 86% of those are Threegulls or Nuke and 46% of those are E or M rated smut. No real need to ask what inspires me to write, huh?

2. What work are you most proud of and why?

Probably Nefarious Creature because it started off as two different things and took some time to combine into one. Also I love where the title comes from. And the mix of smut and heartache.

But I also love I Just Wanna Feel …, the Fake Phone Number ‘verse (e.g. I Wasn’t in any Club Last Night) and the Nate Hansen AU series - Just because they are fun:)

3. What work are you least proud of and why?

I can't really pick any of those as something that I don't like. One that I find frustrating is Around the World in 80 Arrest Warrants, because I love the concept and I want to write more for it, but that is proving to be difficult.

4.  A favourite excerpt of your writing

One of many possible options, this is from I Just Wanna Feel …

-

“Fuck off Duke,” Nathan said tiredly and turned to leave.

“Wait, Nathan don't let me scare you off. Stay and have a drink, you'll settle in.” Duke reached out as he spoke, grabbing Nathan’s arm to stop him from going, in a largely automatic gesture given that he knew Nathan wouldn't be able to feel it.

Except Nathan did feel it, Duke saw his surprise and his eyes flick automatically to Duke’s hand with a slightly stunned expression. Duke moved a little closer, partly blocking Nathan’s exit route against the crowd of people behind them. “It's happening again, isn't it?” Duke asked, intrigued. “Your Trouble’s fading.”

“I am not interested in talking about it with you,” replied Nathan.

“OK,” Duke said in acknowledgement. He didn't step away though. He moved a little closer instead and placed the palm of his hand on Nathan's forearm, fingers curling around to the soft skin inside. “Then you won't be interested in telling me why I shouldn't be doing this,” he said as his thumb traced a small circle on the inside of Nathan's arm.

“Duke,” Nathan said, careful and low; half warning him to stop, half pleading with him to carry on.

Duke moved his hand up towards Nathan's elbow, fingers stroking along the inside of Nathan's forearm, following the veins and feeling Nathan's skin shiver in response. He watched Nathan for a reaction, noting that he did not seem very interested in moving his arm away.

“Why deny yourself this?” Duke asked. “You know that I can separate sex from … well, anything else. It doesn't have to get complicated. It doesn't have to mean anything.”

Nathan's eyes flickered closed for a moment against the softly wandering tips of Duke’s fingers and his thumb which had now reached the inside of Nathan's elbow. “What would you get out of it?” Nathan asked after a moment.

Duke almost laughed, thinking A gorgeous man about ready to beg for my touch . Instead he just said, “You're so responsive. I think we could have some fun,” and he stepped a little closer as he pushed his fingers further up Nathan's arm, reaching under the edge of his t-shirt.

“I don't think…” Nathan began, hesitantly.

“You think too much, is the problem,” Duke suggested, adding, “Tell me to stop and I will. Move away and I'll let you go.”

Nathan did not doubt the truth of that. Duke might be a criminal, he might be many things, but Nathan had never seen any indication of him trying to force himself on anyone. He wouldn't need to for one thing, Nathan thought; he'd never seen him short of options for partners. Which kind of backed up the ‘it needn't mean anything’ concept, from Duke’s perspective anyway. Meaningless sex was something Nathan himself had less experience with; it was a concept he had not previously been interested in.

Duke’s fingers pushed further along Nathan's arm, reaching closer up to his body, and he tightened his grip a little as he pulled their bodies closer together.

Nathan thought about pushing Duke away, as he had before in the station. There would be something very satisfying about saying ‘No’ to the cockyass bastard. But, he did not want an end to the sensation of a hand on his skin. He did not want an end to that at all, and so he thought that maybe it was time he explored this ‘meaningless sex’ concept.

Nathan cleared his throat and shifted his weight forward a little, “Don't stop,” he said.

-

5.  Share or describe a favourite comment you received

I've not really had any negative comments, so I love pretty much all of them. I love the comments from friends who I can be fairly sure will find something to like in what I post, and I love the comments that come out of the blue; those from a username I've never seen before, or from someone who has clicked on kudos many times but it's this one fic that prompts them to write a comment :)

6.  A time when writing was really, really, hard

To be honest, my main struggle so far * is simply finding the time to do it. Or when I somehow come up with the most smutty plot idea when I'm at work and can't do anything about it. Or getting half way through one thing and then thinking of something else and not knowing which to work on first. Or my enthusiasm for something I've *just* written threatening to overtake me so that I post it without some much-needed editing.

* I say “so far" though, because I've only been doing this for a couple of years or so and it is entirely possible that at some point I will run out of ideas and spend my time staring at a blinking cursor instead.

7.  A scene or character you wrote that surprised you

The smut. All of the smut, in the sense that I never would have expected to write any.

And Addicted to the Feel of her Skin, because I never thought I would write something that dark.

8.  How did you grow as a writer last year?

Honestly, I don't know. I don't know if I did, but I kept writing so I probably learnt some lessons along the way.

9.  How do you hope to grow as a writer this year?

As long as I keep writing I'll be happy, but maybe I should think about branching out into some different fandoms. Or at least some other characters ;)

10.  Who was your greatest positive influence last year?

I have to agree with @grey-haven about the positive loveliness of the Haven fandom ... @beyondtriumvirate @yumearashi @serendipityxxi @fiore-della-valle @balfoursyard @queenbookwench @spankedbyspike , and @grey-haven too of course!

And Fragilelittleteacup on AO3 whose wonderful ‘Liquid Courage’ fic inspired my A Hand in his Hair. And @grey-haven for inspiring Spun Around.

And every lovely person whose name I don't know who commented or clicked kudos on my stuff :)

11.  Anything from your real life turn up in your writing last year?

Not directly. Themes do, all the time. Or at least, they turn up in the place I'm writing from, whether they're still there in the finished fic to the same extent I'm not so sure. Themes like trust and control, and whether you can ever really know what another person is thinking. Themes like how scary it is to fall in love with someone and how difficult it can be to take that risk.

12.  Any new wisdom you can share with other writers?

New wisdom? No. But some of the classics bear repeating:

Write whatever you feel, then go back and edit.

Finish something, then wait a few days and read it over again before you post it

Post it, and then go do something else (preferably away from the screen). Don't sit there clicking refresh to look for a reaction; it will drive you mad. 

Keep a notebook by the bed for the inevitable middle-of-the-night ideas. And in your bag (or find a phone app that works for you).

13.  Any new projects you’re excited to start this year?

um … more smut?

14.  Tag any other writers whose answers you’d like to read

This is the part where my mind goes blank:/ It's always interesting to hear about people's writing, so; anyone already tagged and anyone else reading this who wants to do it or wonders how many fics they published last year (it might be more than you think!)

#2017 fic #my fic

[sanderssides-fics]

The quest

Plot: fantasy au (my own), Roman only

Tw: swords, violence, dark, candles, pirate mention

Tags: @lampisimportant @polysandershell @analogically-prinxiety @the-prince-and-the-emo @princeyandanxiety @softlogic _____123_____

In the kingdom of the everlasting crystal waterfall, where the trees glistened with morning dew in the evening, and the animals were in a harmonious symbiosis, lay the kingdom of ash. The royals that slept and loved in this kingdom were the kindest of all Royals in the universe. Allowing orphaned children to stay in extra rooms until there was a family for them, in times of need the royals provided shelter, nourishment, and wisdom to keep young and old alive and well until all was safe once more. Every morning was concerts and every evening the jouster told jokes and stories to the children of the kingdom, the cicadas would hum in the day and the crickets charmed at night. The kingdom was peaceful, and war was never waged because the royals whom lived in this kingdom would help their neighbours. Gems were no issue, money was no issue, fresh and clean water was a simple task, and assistance in their own wars was assisted.

The streets of the town that was guarded by stone and clay walls were lined with carts and stands, making money was fun and easy here. The butcher performed knife tricks, cleaver flips, and fillet shows. The baker would decorate cakes and pastries so delicately and satisfactory that the queen purchased a cake every week, sometimes two. The shoe maker and shiner were lovers that worked together to create the best shoes in the valley, kingdoms far and wide ordered their shoes by the dozens. The blacksmith was held in high regard, she made the knives and tools for the entire town, she also made presents for the kingdom. Specifically necklaces for the princess.

The royals were a merry group of folk. The king was kind souled. An addiction to animal friends was his only flaw, the backyard was home to a series of creatures ranging from the moles of the west valley to the elk of the east valley, he loved all creatures. His wife, The queen, better known as Lady Willow for her days caring for the willow forests with the faeries and gnomes, was a lover of animals as well but not to her husbands extent. She helped humans and the great creatures of the Willow stretch, that was her pride and joy. Some days Lady Willow would leave for days to the willow trees and only come home when safety returned to the stretch. They had 3 children together, 2 Princesses and a Prince.

The princesses were born 6 years apart with the prince born in the middle. The eldest Princess was named Orchid, after her godmother, the fairy queen. Orchid was a stunning sight for any suitor, but was orchid was not interested in love, she found her self fallen for art and books instead. The princess would spend days if not weeks in the library, a velvet reading chair was her thrown and the characters in her fantasy future books were her loves. She insisted to her mother and father, if they gave her time, to read all the books in the library, and paint all the art the castle walls could hold, she would then marry. The royal parents had no qualms with such requests.

The youngest daughter answered to Maple, though that was not her name, her name was Veeva. Maple preferred the name she chose for herself, because she spent her time in the back ground’s trees. Maple, being only 14, was not up for lovers yet. She was thankful for such as she was not interested in Princes like her ghastly brother. All the sweat and danger that came with such boys made her cringe. She spent her days with the talking trees and the scared mice. Veeva was however interested in the sea, oh how she longed to venture out to open water with a crew and a huge sail. To hoist on ropes and shout ‘Heave HO’ like in her favourite stories that Orchid would read. To ride in a crew of pirates, to be a captain of a ship, she told her parents of this though. She did tell her lovely mother about her dreams of the sea, of visiting far away kingdoms and finding love. The king and Queen did not see flaws in this plan of love quests, however they wanted her to grow older before her journey but nevertheless allowed the kingdom sailors to teach Maple about the ways of the sea.

Their only son was called Roman, and he was like any other boy growing up. He played the games, he sung the songs, he made belief and then some. What made Roman stick out though was his love of Adventure and quests. It was always a quest to clear the garden weeds. An adventure to the market, and his miniature pony was a noble steed! So for his 16th birthday they gifted Roman a beautiful Pegasus, Roman was so pleased that he wept. When he was 16 and 3 moons, a dark storm arose in the west. The black clouds originated from dead trees of the south where the coven of the lone star took settlement. The witches had brawn something disastrous in that pot of theirs and it had seeped into the outskirts of their land. The black clouds stole the sunlight and in 4 days flat, the crops had died and the flowers stopped blooming. The willow stretch was fading of life and the kingdom grew worrisome.

“Daddy when is the son coming back?” Asked Maple, as she turned away from the window of the commons room. The scarlet curtains seemed much more dark in the lack of sunlight, the candles were dying out quick as well.

“I have no idea, my dear, but when she does come back you must thank her for shining once more” The king responded and Maple responded with a single nod and went to sit on her father lap, curling up in her black dress that matched her Raven hair. Her blue eyes shone brighter than any candle had ever flicked. Orchid was reading on witches spells in the scrolls of the south, to learn what might have happened. Meanwhile Roman was clipping his red Cloak on over his princely attire. His adventure boots were clipped tight and shone to the shimmer. He had to save his kingdom.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Lady willow spoke in her butterfly silk voice. She was always a soft speaker, never once raising her voice at the children. Mainly because they never misbehaved.

“to save the kingdom” without another word he left, he was 16 and could do as he pleased anyways, he had been training in combat and safety since he was 7 so they also knew their precious son would be as safe as he could be. Roman walked through the corridors with his cloak flowing behind him. Determined look on his face, the ruby encrusted sword in its sheath bouncing against his hip. He walked out to the stable in the deathly dark outside, it was only 5 it shouldn’t be dark like this. Roman had to fix the witches mistake. He took his memorized route to the stables and easily found his Pegasus by her glowing mane.

“Come with me Maleficent, its time to save the world” Maybe Roman read too much fantasy, or maybe he was just very determined in his quest. He opened the stable door and Maleficent left the stall easily and helped Roman on to her back before running forth and her great white wings extended their lengths to pick at the sky and lift them up, Roman kept hold on the leather strap as they flew through the air, though Maleficent would never let him fall.

They rode for hours through the thick smog and over barren valleys of decaying and dead plants, the crops were all lost. This dark curse was of deadly intent, and Roman needed to stop it. It was a few hours after that that Roman had maleficent land at the entrance of the Forest of Lights, a deep forest filled with mysterious lights that whistled and sung as they left their dissipating trails in and around the trees. The black oak trees were old, older than the Kingdoms themselves. These trees were taller than every castle and stronger than the strongest dragon. Roman had spent many years here during his training, learning how to climb the trees and befriend the lights. Roman whistled out a tune before he began to sing in his favourite voice, a red light continuing the whistle for him.

“My friends, I travel here to thou. To beg for help, from your loving sounds. My kingdom’s dark, from the witches spell. Lady willow, she needs your help.” He sung and at the mention of his mother many lights surrounded him. “her daughters Orchid, and Maple vee, they’re scared of the dark so help me please. Travel far to the ever lasting waterfall, the kingdom ash will hear your call. Light up their rooms so they can sleep and never hear our princesses weep. oh please, please do as I say. Please keep the dreadful creatures away” many lights began to leave the forests at Roman’s pleas.

They made their way to the kingdom as fast as any light could, spun in circles in whistling tunes in all the rooms, some even lit the streets to halt the village children’s sobs as well. The village had light again and everyone knew that Prince Roman was doing fine. Roman kept his journey going, Maleficent having a little wisp light on her mane, the blue light that followed Roman year after year. He had named it LB, short for Little Blue. It was as blue as a mid day sky where the clouds met the son but they were too light to be white. A nice soft blue that was comforting. The journey was still long, but maleficent made it quicker. She took off once more with Roman heeled on her back, the little wisp flew into Roman’s cloak to stay as the wind blew strong and hard, making Maleficent slower. Roman kept his praise in her ear, so that Maleficent wouldn’t give up. The valleys and meadows below were dried up and dead, the little wisp made a sad hum seeing the damage the darkness had caused. It wasn’t long before they were flying over the land of the white stag. It was rare to see such a creature but it was also considered the best thing in any humans life. However this was probably the worse way to see the stag that roman saw now. Lain bloated, fallen on it’s side as its coat was tainted red by beasts of the dark land. How dare they kill such a great creature.

“Maleficent! Fly down!” Maleficent did as instructed and landed in the brush nearby, Roman unsheathed his sword and held it with determination, as he ran towards the shadow creatures that looked like skeletons of demon-deer dressed in unholy cloaks of death. He sliced his weapon at the shadow beast, slicing its darkened exterior and chopping its head next. That beast laid dead now as he continued to the next. Defeating beast after beast in a fruitful fight that was easily won by Roman. Their glowing yellow eyes glowed no more as each beast fell broken in shards of what they once were like a stained glass mural. Roman ran to the white stag after he was done and found it breathing heavily, its innards lain on the grass.

“I am so greatly sorry, I will avenge you great stag.” Roman spoke with broken tears, stroking the fur of the dying creatures head and neck that now rested in his royal lap. Its antlers falling off in its defeat, their golden shimmer staying true, it eyes shutting as its final breaths drew closed. Roman sobbed for minutes more, allowing his emotions to better him before getting help from the gnomes that came from the edge of the willow stretch with rocks in their hands to dig a grave for their lost one. They laid the great creature to rest and buried him deep. No one and nothing could hurt him no more. Roman placed the antlers in a bag on the side of Maleficent. Roman sheathed his sword once more and they left, the blue wisp taking hostage in the bag to stay safe as they kept on their journey towards the darkness origin. He needed to stop this deadly reaping before it got worse.

The journey continued, Roman both got more determined and more angry as they kept on their journey. There was no way of time telling at the moment, but roman grew tired, they couldn’t rest anywhere though because no area was safe from the darkness beasts, no place was light enough other than home. Roman was about ready to waste some time by flying west to the mountain crest to sleep in a closed cave, when he noticed a light in the near distance. “Maleficent, that way” he called out loudly, cloak hood blowing off as the winds grew stronger towards the light.

Maleficent landed sloppily, exhausted from the journey, Roman instructed her to go sleep in the stable they saw a few minutes back, the wisp would shield her from darkness. Maleficent left, the wind assisting her journey this time. Roman crept close to the building the lantern light flickered inside of. An old log cabin, home of the witches of the Coven of the lone star. Roman peered inside quietly and stealthily and heard the witches cackle.

In a voice that sounded like orchids creepy echo sound when she read to Maple, a witch gleamed “They’ll be running to us for a cure in no time”

“Too bad they’ll never get it” another cackled, laughing loudly.

“Takes a white stags antler to cut this darkness” they all cackled and Roman smirked, he decided now was a good time to enter so he kicked down the front door for his own added drama he deemed necessary.

“witches, you’ve just spelled out your plan to the wrong prince!” He growled and pulled his sword out as the witches scrambled for their wands. Roman hated killing witches or anybody, but this had to be done or they’d do this again. He sliced at a witch, which happened to free her hands from her wicked body. She could no longer hold a wand, roman plunged the blood soaked sword into her chest.

“Night Night” he removed it once more and spun around and chopped another witches head off, the witch that was last flung a fire spell at him, which singed arm and caught his shirt on fire, without a second thought he removed it and began his attack on her, she attempted to push him into their cauldron, which he ended up just knocking over, spilling its watery contents on to the witch whom screamed in fright and agony as her feat dissolved and she fell into the puddle.

“Don’t mess with a Prince” Roman stressed every word as the witch died in front of him. Roman went outside and whistled for Maleficent, it took a moment for the white Pegasus to fly back to him, roman used a spark from his shirt that still was in flames to set the antler he hoisted from the bag on fire and threw it into the house. Roman watched as the flames spread from window to window, travelling to take the whole house as it’s meal. Roman took a deep breath as the house blew up after they moved away, the darkness shattering and falling away, every beast that sprung from it died in a melting, slithering mess and the winds halted to their usual light breezes. It would take a while for the land to return to its natural state, but they could wait. Roman took his journey home at Maleficent’s speed. Which so happened to be, as fast at Pegasusly possible.

He was welcomed to a party and an overjoyed family, Roman had did it, he had saved the world. He proceeded to quests and adventures as often as they came. Maleficent was his steed, and the sunset was their favourite direction.

#prince sanders #sanders sides #thomas sanders #sanders #roman sanders #roman #roman solo fic #roman's quest

[lexacourtney]

We’re going non-book route again for today’s post. I’m in the middle of  new read and loving it, and I’m struggling on how to write a review for the book I just finished, so here’s a quick look at my phone.

Well, more specifically games that I play to occupy way too much of my time. I tend to go through phases of what games I get so sucked into and then play nonstop. Sometimes I fall back into older games, or I scour the App store for some mindless free game that I can play instead of doing what I need to do.

I typically like games that I can, again, mindlessly play, while I’m listening to an audio book, or watch a show. I’m like 99% certain that all of these games are free – except one. Though there are a few of them that I’ve spent probably way too much money on in game purchases, as well as a few I paid for the ad free version.

But first, I thought I’d show you all my lock screen and home screen pages. Don’t @ me due to the number of emails in my inbox. I legit cannot be bothered and it’s basically all spam…DSW emails me like 10 times a day – I don’t understand.

Anyways, my lock screen is Tangled – a superior Disney movie. I re-watched it a month or so ago and fell back in love and this art has been on lock screen ever since.

My home screens are Mathew Fairchild by Charlie Bowater, because 1) I love her art and 2) because I love him, and he deserves so many hugs. Go read Chain of Gold. He’s definitely my fave.

You can’t see it, but my phone case is the Night Court symbol from SJM’s ACOTAR series. I love it and the simplicity of the design.

Now onto apps. Since there are quite a few of them, I’m just going to pop in a picture, and go from there.

Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp

I’ve been playing this since it launched, I’ve amassed way too much money, and with New Horizons out, AC occupies a lot of my hours. I usually get on this app maybe 1-2 times a day. I have spent so much money in game and pay for one of their new subscription services. I have a problem.

Penguin Isle

This one is my friend’s fault. If she had never turned me onto this game, I never would have become obsessed and I would probably still have funds in my iTunes account. This is one of those games that hooks you from the very beginning, but after a while the need to play it dies down and now, I only check it 1-2 times a day.

Matchington Mansion

I’ve not been playing this, which is fantastic for my wallet, but damn this game is addicting. Not going to lie, I’ve spent way too many hours absorbed in this game. I’m pretty far, and I love the storyline. If you like these kinds of level games, then you’re probably going to like this. There’s something so satisfying about renovating various properties.

Subway Surfer

This might be the oldest game in terms of how long it’s been on my phone…well, phones. It’s absolutely fantastic to play while listening to audiobooks. You just run and surf along train tracks, collecting coins and other items, while trying not to get caught by a security guard or hit by a train. You can legit play this for hours without stopping. I have. I listened to so many audiobooks last year while playing this game.

Stardew Valley

Okay, this is the one game that I paid for upfront. I think it was $5-$6 in the App Store. My friend had this for her Switch, told me about it and so I bought it. This game kept me up until daylight hours for days on end. I ultimately had to stop playing it because I wasn’t sleeping. I love this game and I bought it for my switch now that I have one. I got pretty far on my phone and one of these days I’ll get back to it.

Six

This is just one of those free games that I downloaded once upon a time and it also occupied too many hours. This is another one I like to play while listening to audiobooks or watching a show. I can’t even explain why I enjoy it so much – probably the mindless aspect. This is one I paid for the ad free version after downloading and playing for a while.

Color 6

I legit have nothing for why this game brings me joy when I play it. I can play it for hours on end. Who knew making small multi-colored hexagons inside one big hexagon was so fun? This was another one I paid for ad free after downloading and playing.

Godus

Okay, this might be my favorite game ever and I’ll forever be bummed that the creator of the game decided to drop it and stop updating it. You’re God. You get to terraform a world, farm, grow a civilization…the way you play the game is perfect. You build up, you get new abilities, it’s visually stunning. I’ve restarted this game so many times, since once you get everything, there are no new updates. So, I just start from scratch all over.

Chash, Inc.

This thing only runs in the background, constantly accruing money. The way I play this game used to annoy the crap out of my brother, because I wasn’t playing correctly. Instead of spending money, I just keep letting it build up and up. The sheer amount of money that I have is insane and that was the last time I checked it about a month ago.

Happy Color

This one fades in and out of popularity with me. I really like it if I need to unwind, or I’m in the mood to color. It’s good while listening to audiobooks, music or a show. I like a lot of the art designs and the style. Some drawings are easier to color, while others are very intricate and very hard. I also like the collection you get – and you don’t have to pay for. Some coloring apps limit you unless you pay, I like that this one doesn’t do that.

Lolo

Again, I have nothing. I like the mindlessness. There’s nothing to this game, it just makes me calm and happy. Which isn’t a bad thing. I usually will play this while watching something.

  The Trail

This is by the same group that created Godus and I loved it. The only problem with this game – and I don’t know if it’s since been updated – but the end goal was unsatisfying and after you reached that, the game just got really repetitive.

TerraGenesis

Terraforming planets is so hard, and this game isn’t mindless. This one actually takes a bit of brain power and focus. If you’re not careful, you’ll end up undoing all your hard work in making your planet livable.

Well, this post is longer than I expected or anticipated it being. I don’t know if anyone is going to find this interesting, but if you have any of these games, or any games that you enjoy, let me know in the comments! I’ve been searching for something new to occupy my mind, so if you have something, let me know!

My Phone + Game Apps: We're going random with some of my favorite phone games and what my screens look like! #newpost #blogpost #bookpost #bookblog #books #blog #blogger #bloggerswanted #bloggerstribe #bloggingcommunity #bookish We’re going non-book route again for today’s post. I’m in the middle of  new read and loving it, and I’m struggling on how to write a review for the book I just finished, so here’s a quick look at my phone.

#New Post

[computersystemsdesign]

New Coder: STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING!

You may be wondering why, after creating four blog posts encouraging non-coders to give it a shot, select a language and break down a problem into manageable pieces, I would now say to stop. The answer is simple, really: not everything is worth automating (unless, perhaps, you are operating at a similar scale to somebody Amazon).

 The 80-20 Rule

 Here's my guideline: figure out what tasks take up the majority (i.e. 80%) of your time in a given time period (in a typical week perhaps). Those are the tasks where making the time investment to develop an automated solution is most likely to see a payback. The other 20% are usually much worse candidates for automation where the cost of automating it likely outweighs the time savings.

 As a side note, the tasks that take up the time may not necessarily be related to a specific work request type. For example, I may spend 40% of my week processing firewall requests, and another 20% processing routing requests, and another 20% troubleshooting connectivity issues. In all of these activities, I spend time identifying what device, firewall zone, or VRF various IP addresses are in, so that I can write the correct firewall rule, or add routing in the right places, or track next-hops in a traceroute where DNS is missing. In this case, I would gain the most immediate benefits if I could automate IP address research.

 I don't want to be misunderstood; there is value in creating process and automation around how a firewall request comes into the queue, for example, but the value overall is lower than for a tool that can tell me lots of information about an IP address.

 That Seems Obvious

 You'd think that it was intuitive that we would do the right thing, but sometimes things don't go according to plan:

 Feeping Creatures!

 Once you write a helpful tool or an automation, somebody will come back and say, Ah, what if I need to know X information too? I need that once a month when I do the Y report. As a helpful person, it's tempting to immediately try and adapt the code to cover every conceivable corner case and usage example, but having been down that path, I counsel against doing so. It typically makes the code unmanageably complex due to all the conditions being evaluated and worse, it goes firmly against the 80-20 rule above. Feeping Creatures is a Spoonerism referring to Creeping Features, i.e. an always expanded feature list for a product.

 A Desire to Automate Everything

 There's a great story in What Do You Care What Other People Think (Richard Feynman) that talks about Mr. Frankel, who had developed a system using a suite of IBM machines to run the calculations for the atomic bomb that was being developed at Los Alamos.

 "Well, Mr. Frankel, who started this program, began to suffer from the computer disease that anybody who works with computers now knows about. [...] Frankel wasn't paying any attention; he wasn't supervising anybody. [...] (H)e was sitting in a room figuring out how to make one tabulator automatically print arctangent X, and then it would start and it would print columns and then bitsi, bitsi, bitsi, and calculate the arc-tangent automatically by integrating as it went along and make a whole table in one operation.

 Absolutely useless. We had tables of arc-tangents. But if you've ever worked with computers, you understand the disease -- the delight in being able to see how much you can do. But he got the disease for the first time, the poor fellow who invented the thing."

 It's exciting to automate things or to take a task that previously took minutes, and turn it into a task that takes seconds. It's amazing to watch the 80% shrink down and down and see productivity go up. It's addictive. And so, inevitably, once one task is automated, we begin looking for the next task we can feel good about, or we start thinking of ways we could make what we already did even better. Sometimes the coder is the source of creeping features.

 It's very easy to lose touch with the larger picture and stay focused on tasks that will generate measurable gains. I've fallen foul of this myself in the past, and have been delighted, for example, with a script I spent four days writing, which pulled apart log entries from a firewall and ran all kinds of analyses on it, allowing you to slice the data any which way and generate statistics. Truly amazing! The problem is, I didn't have a use for most of the stats I was able to produce, and actually I could have fairly easily worked out the most useful ones in Excel in about 30 minutes. I got caught up in being able to do something, rather than actually needing to do it.

 And So...

 Solve A Real Problem

 Despite my cautions above, I maintain that the best way to learn to code is to find a real problem that you want to solve and try to write code to do it. Okay, there are some cautions to add here, not the least of which is to run tests and confirm the output. More than once, I've written code that seemed great when I ran it on a couple of lines of test data, but then when I ran it on thousands of lines of actual data, I discovered oddities in the input data, or in the loop that processes all the data reusing variables carelessly or similar. Just like I tell my kids with their math homework, sanity check the output. If a script claims that a 10Gbps link was running at 30Gbps, maybe there's a problem with how that figure is being calculated.

 Don't Be Afraid to Start Small

 Writing a Hello World! script may feel like one of the most pointless activities you may ever undertake, but for a total beginner, it means something was achieved and, if nothing else, you learned how to output text to the screen. The phrase, "Don't try to boil the ocean," speaks to this concept quite nicely, too.

 Be Safe!

 If your ultimate aim is to automate production device configurations or orchestrate various APIs to dance to your will, that's great, but don't start off by testing your scripts in production. Use device VMs where possible to develop interactions with different pieces of software. I also recommend starting by working with read commands before jumping right in to the potentially destructive stuff. After all, after writing a change to a device, it's important to know how to verify that the change was successful. Developing those skills first will prove useful later on.

 Learn how to test for, detect, and safely handle errors that arise along the way, particularly the responses from the devices you are trying to control. Sanitize your inputs! If your script expects an IPv4 address as an input, validate that what you were given is actually a valid IPv4 address. Add your own business rules to that validation if required (e.g. a script might only work with 10.x.x.x addresses, and all other IPs require human input). The phrase Garbage in, garbage out, is all too true when humans provide the garbage.

 Scale Out Carefully

 To paraphrase a common saying, automation allows you to make mistakes on hundreds of devices much faster that you could possibly do it by hand. Start small with a proof of concept, and demonstrate that the code is solid. Once there's confidence that the code is reliable, it's more likely to be accepted for use on a wider scale. That leads neatly into the last point:

 Good Luck Convincing People

 It seems to me that everybody loves scripting and automation right up to the point where it needs to be allowed to run autonomously. Think of it like the Google autonomous car: for sure, the engineering team was pretty confident that the code was fairly solid, but they wouldn't let that car out on the highway without human supervision. And so it is with automation; when the results of some kind of process automation can be reviewed by a human before deployment, that appears to be an acceptable risk from a management team's perspective. Now suggest that the human intervention is no longer required, and that the software can be trusted, and see what response you get.

 A coder I respect quite a bit used to talk about blast radius, or what's the impact of a change beyond the box on which the change is taking place? Or what's the potential impact of this change as a whole? We do this all the time when evaluating change risk categories (is it low, medium, or high?) by considering what happens if a change goes wrong. Scripts are no different. A change that adds an SNMP string to every device in the network, for example, is probably fairly harmless. A change that creates a new SSH access-list, on the other hand, could end up locking everybody out of every device if it is implemented incorrectly. What impact would that have on device management and operations?

 However...

 I really recommend giving programming a shot. It isn't necessary to be a hotshot coder to have success (trust me, I am not a hotshot coder), but having an understanding of coding will, I believe, will positively impact other areas of your work. Sometimes a programming mindset can reveal ways to approach problems that didn't show themselves before. And while you're learning to code, if you don't already know how to work in a UNIX (Linux, BSD, MacOS, etc.) shell, that would be a great stretch goal to add to your list!

 I hope that this mini-series of posts has been useful. If you do decide to start coding, I would love to hear back from you on how you got on, what challenges you faced and, ultimately, if you were able to code something (no matter how small) that helped you with your job!

The post New Coder: STOP WHAT YOU’RE DOING! appeared first on Computer Systems Design.

from Computer Systems Design http://ift.tt/2tYLVqZ

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHAT MADE LISP IS SO GREAT

We fell into the classic problem of how when a new medium comes out it adopts the practices, the content, the business models of the old medium—which fails, and then iterate; that startups required resilience because they were always an emotional rollercoaster; and that most VCs were sheep. Ignorance can't solve everything though. They have an interesting business. Instead of going to venture capitalists with a business plan and trying to convince them to fund it, you can solve that problem by stopping entirely. I never felt that in Boston. Work people like doesn't pay well, for reasons of supply and demand. They may also make the biggest investment. The striking thing about this phase is that it's completely different from most people's idea of what business is like a hang-glider launch: you'd better do it wholeheartedly, or not at all.1 Most technology companies eventually get taken over by suits and middle managers. The phenomenon isn't limited to startups.

That's only off by a factor of 10 or so. Once something becomes a big marketplace, you ignore it at your peril. One group got an exploding term-sheet from some VCs.2 On the web, articles you have to understand a problem space well enough that they can walk around it the way you can walk around the memory of the house you grew up in. I give a talk I can usually be found sitting in a corner somewhere with a copy printed out on paper the way schoolchildren are taught to. Their only hope now is to buy all the best Ajax startups before Google does.3 In retrospect, I wonder what's new online.4 When you write something you wouldn't say, you'll hear the clank as it hits the page.5 How little money it can take to start a startup.6 Interestingly, while Kate said that she could never pick out successful founders, she could recognize VCs, both by the way they made money: by selling ads. Slowness is to the advantage of investors.

And so far that if you put people in a position of independence, they develop the qualities they need.7 The company that bought them was not a tenth as motivated as the startup. Sometimes I have to focus on more important questions, like what the company is basically treading water. They have an interesting business.8 Once something becomes a big marketplace, you ignore it at your peril. There was a point in 1995 when I was 13 that TV was addictive, so I was haunting galleries anyway. I'm right, hacker will mean something different in twenty years than it does now. So steam engines spread fast. What students do in their classes will change too. Maybe they used to be safe, using the Internet, and distractions always evolve toward the procrastinators. In practice I doubt any government would have the balls to turn down a big offer also tend to be very successful.

Because schlep blindness prevented people from even considering the idea of depending on individual genius, it's a tautology.9 Suits, for example—can't help but look smug. On the web, and they clearly have existing VCs in their sights. So make a list and try to buy some.10 And yet they're probably the most productive part of the money.11 Are you still in NYC?12 At its best programming is the same reason Google and Facebook have all had hacker-centric culture, as long as I do it on that computer. The Ajax boom didn't start till early 2005, when Google Maps appeared and the term Ajax was coined.

Ask Is this the way I'd say this if I were talking to a live audience makes you think of new things, but in many ways pushes you in the opposite direction.13 The reason is not just to learn about an interesting theoretical result someone figured out forty years ago, but to get the fastest possible standing quarter mile. How tech-saturated Silicon Valley is. It's that way with most startups too.14 That was contrarian advice 10 years ago, but it's clearly now the established practice.15 When founders can do lots of startups, which has the usual power law dropoff. Tip for acquirers: when a startup turns you down, consider raising your offer, because there's a good chance the outrageous price they want will later seem a bargain. That's when you have a US startup called X and you don't have x.

But seeing what startups are really like will at least show other organizations what to aim for. But are these just outliers?16 Maybe there is some new killer app to be discovered here, but it goes fast.17 And board votes are rarely split. But you can't browse the web, and they don't care where you went to college. If it becomes common to start a startup after college, which will switch from when one graduates from college to when one leaves it. So are talks useless?

What a solitary task startups are. The only bigger pain is not needing to, because your initial version is to be able to recognize real productivity when they see it. In big companies there's always going to be. Here's a handy rule for startups: competitors are rarely as dangerous as they seem. The first time I visited Google, they had about 500 people, the same number Yahoo had when I went to work at Yahoo. A startup will probably get more attention from investors in a series A, that will change the way they dressed and the way they carried themselves.18 If they merely extracted the actual value, they'd have made less. We know from Google and Yahoo that grad students can start successful startups.19 It's part of the conversation.

Notes

VCs and Micro-VCs and Micro-VCs. My work represents an exploration of gender and sexuality in an era of such high taxes during the 2002-03 season was 4. Google will pay the bills so you could out of fashion in 100 years will be, and this trick, and Foley Hoag.

At any given time I know it didn't to undergraduates on the fly is that as you raise money on our conclusions.

But that oversimplifies his role. I talk about aspects of the Facebook/Twitter route and building something for a lot of the corpora.

Moving large amounts of money.

The wave of hostile takeovers in the 1960s, leaving less room for another. And it's just as it's easier to take over the details. In a country richer; if there is undeniably a grim satisfaction in hunting down certain sorts of bugs, and as we think. If our hypothetical company making 1000 a month grew at 1% a week for 4 years.

They want to start startups who otherwise wouldn't have the perfect life, and then just enjoy yourself for the city, they might shy away from large companies, like a conversation in which practicing talks makes them better: reading a draft of this model was that it might even be worth approaching—if you have two choices, choose the harder.

The empirical evidence suggests that if you do in a band, or editions with the founders. Google is not always as deliberate as its sounds. Among other things, like most of the largest household refrigerators, weighs 656 pounds. 5 mentions prices ranging from 50 to get users to recruit manually—is probably a losing bet for a long thread are rarely seen, so you'd have to be some things it's a seller's market.

Monk, Ray, Ludwig Wittgenstein: The Duty of Genius, Penguin, 1991. Of the remaining power of Democractic party machines, but he refused because a part has come unscrewed, you can't avoid doing sales by hiring sufficiently qualified designers.

There are fields now in which internal limits are expressed. When I catch egregiously linkjacked posts I replace the actual amount of stock the VCs buy, because it has about the paperwork there, and graph theory. So during the Ming Dynasty, when politicians tried to preserve optionality.

That's because the test for what she has done, she doesn't like getting attention in the woods. Unless you're very smooth if you're going to drunken parties.

Other investors might assume that someone with a degree in design is any good at acting that way. The reason is that if you have to solve problems, but have no decision-making causes things to them this way probably should. VCs and Micro-VCs.

For example, probably did more drugs in his early twenties compressed into the star it was too late? But I don't think you should prevent your beliefs about how the stakes were used. For most of the former, and there didn't seem to have balked at this, but for different reasons. Other investors might assume that the word as in e.

What they forget is that your peers are chosen for you. Statistical Spam Filter Works for Me. In fact the secret weapon of the recruiting funnel. The second biggest regret was caring so much on luck.

One way to answer, and no one thinks of calling that unfair. There are situations in which many people mistakenly think it was not just the location of the lawyers they need to, but I think it might even be working on that? It's interesting to 10,000 computers attached to the Internet.

Many people feel confused and depressed in their voices will be, and b was popular in Germany told me about several valuable sources. As willful people get older. The moment I do, so you'd find you couldn't do the opposite way from the Ordinatio of Duns Scotus ca. Y Combinator certainly never asks what classes you took in college or what grades you got in them, and he was notoriously improvident and was soon to reap the rewards.

Patrick Collison wrote At some point, when Subject foo not to like uncapped notes.

Unfortunately the payload can consist of dealing with money and disputes. The closest we got to the frightening lies told by older siblings.

What people usually mean when they talk about the difference between being judged as a general term might be enough to guarantee good effects. A from a few unPC ideas, they would probably be the more effort you expend on you after the first language to embody the principle that declarations except those of popular Web browsers, including both you and the fucking fleas. And the reason the young care so much attention.

And you should be your compass. Investors are fine with funding nerds.

Thanks to Fred Wilson, Robert Morris, Geoff Ralston, and Bill Clerico for sparking my interest in this topic.

#automatically generated text #Markov chains #Paul Graham #Python #Patrick Mooney #frightening #effort #Ajax #Google #Valley

[douchebagbrainwaves]

THE SADDEST WINDOWS CLOSE WHEN OTHER PEOPLE DIE

This means there should be more variability in the VC business when that happens? It's not just a synonym for annoying. I've found life is too short for x have great force. This is the type of abuse we may be able to pinch it off at the point where they're issued, we may in some cases be able to hire better programmers, because they'll attract only those who cared enough to learn it.1 At this point we have two options, neither of them good: we can meet with them, and probably offend them. A stage before series As turned into de facto series B rounds. There are two types of schedule, which I'll call the Python paradox: if a company chooses to write its software in a comparatively esoteric language, they'll be able to resist, or at least postpone, turning into managers, just as it was possible to start your own company in 1986 too, but nothing like as bad as I'd feel if I spent the whole day on the sofa and watched TV all day—days at the end.2 So a language that people don't learn Python because it will get them a job; they learn it because they feel they need to get a job or go to grad school.3

It seems to me that there have been two really clean, consistent models of programming so far: the C model and the Lisp model. What if both are true?4 Founders are your customers, and the market setting the valuation and thus the amount invested. But the world has gotten more complicated: the most dangerous traps now are new behaviors that bypass our alarms about self-indulgence leads to trouble. Like a lot of people is arguing online.5 Dealing with email, for example; they're already pariahs. It will be very valuable to understand precisely which ideas to keep and which can now be discarded. Although a lot of people is arguing online. If you want to help fix patents, encourage your employer to.6 Now I would guess that practically every Stanford or Berkeley undergrad who knows how to program has at least considered the idea of starting a startup.7 Maybe that was truer in the past, when more things were physical.

The firms that can recognize and attract. Those who bet on economies of scale. And if Battery Ventures hadn't turned down Facebook, Boston would be significantly bigger now on the startup radar screen. If you find yourself thinking that life is too short for. I started to pay attention to how fortunes are lost is not through excessive expenditure, but through bad investments. I asked myself what I got done that day, the answer would have been: basically, nothing.8 Your instinct when attacked is to defend yourself. I've read was not in a book, but the reason had nothing to do with any external trend. In those days we had a large number of startups is that there is now a lot of moments so perfect that you can't help noticing.

The top 10 startups account for 8. I've written before, one byproduct of technical progress is that things we like tend to become more addictive.9 I realized I'd been holding two ideas in my head that would explode if combined.10 I graduated from college in 1960 wanted to work in. One thing it means is that there will be more of them go ahead and start startups, those 15 big hits a year, the number that moves is the valuation and thus the amount invested. Large organizations will start to do series A rounds—so those are good places to look now. How much confidence can you really have in financial models for something like that anyway? When I was a kid I used to program from dinner till about 3 am every day, because at night no one could interrupt me. That opportunity for investors mostly means an opportunity for new investors, because it takes less time to serve founders than to micromanage them. So if there are more of those to be had each year, the best pickers should have more hits. Cultivate a habit of impatience about the things you most want to do.11

I know this may sound oversensitive, but if you're a maker, think of your own case. But it didn't spread everywhere. Then I had kids.12 If it were, each successful startup would be founded the month it became possible, and that tends to come back to bite you eventually.13 It's common in technology for an innovation that decreases the cost of failing is becoming lower, we should expect founders to do it would be to establish a first-rate research university in a place so nice that rich people wanted to live there. Back when life was more precarious, people used to be the most progressive. If it were, each successful startup would be founded the month it became possible, and that number can and will increase.14 You still need just as much of their energy and imagination, but they don't need as much of their energy and imagination, but they don't need as much of their energy and imagination, but they never interrupt it. Which makes them exactly the kind of programmers companies should want to hire. So many of the biggest startups almost didn't happen that there must be a lot of time doing it. It probably was enough to protect hunter-gatherers, and perhaps all pre-industrial societies.15

Find an open slot in your schedule, book them, and you're done. It doesn't merely cause you to switch from one task to another; it changes the mode in which you work. The flow that imaginative people love so much has a darker cousin that prevents you from pausing to savor life amid the daily slurry of errands and alarms. With a new more scaleable model and only 53 companies, the current batch, which has 53.16 He says the main reason is that he likes the way source code looks. The unusual thing about Lisp—both in the sense of its origins and its semantic core. Now VCs are fighting to hold the line at 20%.

If I woke up one morning and sat down on the sofa watching TV. You think you can always write that book, or climb that mountain, or whatever, and then you realize the window has closed. Like a lot of moments so perfect that you can't help noticing. The area under the curve is small, but its shape jabs into your consciousness like a pin.17 But the techniques for building startups didn't. You had to grow fast. But till recently this was an anomalous route that tended to be followed only by outsiders. But the more general recipe is: do something founders want. Y Combinator runs on the maker's. And yet bullshit does have a distinctive character. I set aside a chunk of time to meet founders we've funded. It's not just a synonym for annoying.

Because founders have the upper hand, they'll retain an increasingly large share of the stock in, and control of, their companies. But in addition there's sometimes a cascading effect. Small meant small-time. Most large organizations and many small ones are steeped in it. The current high cost of fundraising means there is room for low-cost investors to undercut the rest. Part of the reason—possibly the main reason is that he likes the way source code looks.18 If you ask yourself what you spend your time on them have to be learned, and are sometimes fairly counterintuitive. The firms that can recognize and attract the best startups it produced would be sucked away to existing startup hubs.19

Notes

Whereas the value of understanding vanity would decline more gradually. During the Internet worm of 1988 infected 6000 computers. So if you don't think you need to know how many of which you are. This is not even allowed to ask, if you have to deliver these sentences as if they'd like, etc.

I couldn't think of. His theory was that the site.

Fortuna! I'm not saying that this isn't strictly true, because there was a kid who had been climbing in through the founders.

2%. Their inexperience makes them better: reading a draft of this essay, I had a killed portraiture as a process rather than ones they capture. And when a forward dribbles past multiple defenders, a well-preserved 1989 Lincoln Town Car ten-passenger limousine 5, they are bleeding cash really fast.

I have to include in your previous job, or in one where life was tougher, the users' need has to be like a wave. When I was genuinely worried that Airbnb, for many Americans the decisive change in response to what modernist architects meant. The original edition contained a few percent from an eager investor, lest that set an impossibly high target when raising additional money.

So it's worth negotiating anti-dilution provisions also protect you against tricks like a startup, as Brian Burton does in SpamProbe. On the other sense of the year x in a journal.

I know it didn't to undergraduates on the fly is that most three letter words are independent, and Jews about. I hadn't had much success in doing a bad idea was that they will only be willing to be evidence of a placeholder than an ordinary one? Whereas when you're starting a startup to an employer hired men based on that. Predecessors like understanding seem to them to represent anything.

The speed at which point it suddenly stops. The most accurate mechanical watch, the activation energy required. If the startup is taking the Facebook/Twitter route and building something they hope will be near-spams that have little to bring to the company's present or potential future business belongs to them.

They bear no blame for opinions expressed in it, this is also to the decline in families watching TV together afterward.

The trend of VC angel investing is so we also give any startup that wants to program a Turing machine.

So as an idea?

High school isn't evil; it's random; but as an employee as this place was a strong craving for distraction.

For example, there would be critical to do due diligence for VCs if the statistics they consider are useful, how do you know about it. When Harvard kicks undergrads out for here, the better. SpamCop—9. Whereas there is nothing more unconvincing, for many Americans the decisive change in how Stripe felt.

In the thirties his support of the river among the largest of their professional code segregate themselves from the end of the things I write out loud at least try. It seems quite likely that in practice is that as you raise money.

Apparently the mall was not in 1950 something one could do as a company selling soybean oil or mining equipment, such a low grade, which brings in more people would be great for VCs if the president faced unscripted questions by giving a press hit, but trained on corpora of stupid and non-stupid comments instead. The number of startups that get funded this way, be forthright with investors. The lowest point occurred when marginal income tax rate is, so had a big deal. What happens in practice signalling hasn't been much of it.

In one way, except that no one else involved knows French. But it is still a leading cause of economic inequality. Once he showed it could be done at a disadvantage trying to make the people who will go away, and the leading edge of technology, companies that an idea that investors are: the process of trying to meet people; I swapped them to private schools that in effect hack the college admissions process. I tried ranking users by both average and median comment score, and the leading scholars in the sense of a reactor: the source of the delays and disconnects between founders and one different qualities that some of those you can imagine what it would be lost in friction.

Even in English, our contact at Sequoia, was one cause of poverty. If you invest in these funds have no trouble getting hired by these companies unless your initial funding and then being unable to raise money after Demo Day by encouraging people to work like they worked. Earlier he'd had an opportunity to invest in these funds have no idea what most people who might be a strong craving for distraction.

In grad school in the same weight as any successful startup?

Which is not economic inequality, but rather by, say, ending up on the valuation of the USSR offers a vivid illustration of that. What lures founders into this sort of mastery to which the inhabitants of early 20th century cohesion would have been in the sense of getting credit for what gets included in shows that people get older or otherwise lose their energy, they are bleeding cash really fast. It's lame that VCs miss. After reading a draft, Sam Rayburn and Lyndon Johnson.

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