#and no I'm not saying that he doesn't struggle with guilt and self-acceptance at all

[kamariya]

i know the fandom loves to pretend that xie lian doesn't take care of himself but let's really think about it for a second. he doesn't have a penny to his name, he has no luck, no spiritual powers and no friends and family left in the mortal realm. how exactly should he take care of himself?

he eats food off the floor because it's better than going hungry. that's how many people in poverty live. he doesn't think twice before touching something that might poison him because when you don't receive medical attention for centuries, you're naturally going to adopt an "it is what it is" mentality about your health. he probably didn't get treated by a healer the first few times he got corpse poisoning because he didn't have enough (or any) money to pay them with. he's humble and ignores however which way he's slandered because what can he do? he's heard things like that and worse before.

800 years of poverty will teach anyone humility as well as strip them of it. 800 years of poverty and solitude can make anyone into a complete cynic, an abuser and/or worse.

but xie lian didnt break, not permanently. what jun wu put him through is nothing compared to what the world put him through. tell me this: is jun wu truly the real villain of the story? or is he a micro manifestation of all the other systematic issues in the TGCF universe, wrapped up into a shiny, evil package that's easier to hate, easier to digest and easier to fall for?

know that even though jun wu "set up" the fall of xianle, it was corruption and imperialism that truly brought the kingdom to its knees. know that teen xie lian truly fought for his people, be they patriots or rebels, and that the reason his efforts could never come to fruition was the corruption of the royals and the nobles.

in a world as systematically corrupt as that (much like our own), how easy do you think it would have been for a poor, homeless and friendless man to live a happy, fulfilling life (which he never lived)? and how much easier would it have been for him to gradually give away his morals and principles in favour of a better meal for once, for a better bed for the night? considering his martial skills and vast knowledge of cultivation, would it not have been easy for him to take a path like jun wu himself? like xue yang, even?

and do you think that xie lian did *not* do all these things just because he had "self-sacrificial" tendencies? after centuries of being only a little better than a beggar, do you think the reason he wants to help the common people is because he feels Rich Prince Guilt?

don't you think that the act of preserving oneself here, the act of not sacrificing onself for a cause, is actually whenever xie lian decides to keep following the path of justice, his Third Path? does self preservation only count when it's your body you're preserving, or your material wealth, or your name? surely your own principles matter more. surely you mean more than a fancy title on a tyrant's mouth.

place yourself in xie lian's shoes, and answer this: if you were to go through all that, even if you were to not become a horrible person, would have found and maintained the courage, time and time again, to keep being kind, to keep taking care of yourself, to not become heedlessly reckless, to not become a walking corpse with a noose (ruoye) wrapped around your neck?

in my opinion, xie lian is a hell of a lot positive for a man who's been through so much and never heard a "it's okay, you can rest now" once (until hua cheng came along, at least).

do you think xie lian doesn't feel bitterness towards lang qianqiu, who buried him with a stake through his heart for gods know how many years, because he just... hates himself? or do you think it's because he helped raise lang qianqiu since childhood and earned real respect and admiration from him, after so many years of being spat on, cursed and ultimately turned invisible? do you think he begged to be banished once again only because he felt guilty (although yes, he did feel very guilty) for the terrible fate that befell lqq's family, or because he also genuinely cares about what happens to his people --- he protected the xianle remnants by setting himself up as a cold-hearted murderer, and he protected lqq by refusing to fight him.

do you think that being so old and having seen so much, xie Lian can't tell danger when it's looking him in the eye? he's not stupid. he doesn't neglect his safety until and unless it's to protect someone he cares about. e.g., when he tried his level best to protect shi qingxuan during the Blackwater arc, knowing that he's fighting things and people beyond his control. my point: it didn't matter if he failed. he had to try, just like he tried with his kingdom, and the kingdom that came next. sqx was the first person after hua cheng to befriend and defend him in a long time, and he wanted to show him the same courtesy. can this be reduced to "self-sacrificing" tendencies or "playing the hero", too?

when xie lian stepped out of that bridal sedan, he knew he was playing with fire, but he's not stupid. if he hadn't stepped out, who is to say that crimson rain sought flower wouldn't have entered on his own, or dragged him out forcefully? xie lian isn't a "you only live once, let's make bad decisions" person. xie lian is a "no matter how many lives i live, i will not change" person.

#why do so many people think that xie lian is stupid or just trying to die when he does Literally Anything? #like i promise you people like him have existed and do exist IRL #real people do fight for humanity real people do fight for their loved ones #real people do fight for their fellow citizens ... people are capable of doing Good Things #without just being “people pleasers” #xie lian couldn't be further from a people pleaser ... that guy practises radical love and acceptance #that's the point !! that he cares for humanity in all its forms !! #and no I'm not saying that he doesn't struggle with guilt and self-acceptance at all #he def does!! we see him do that !! #but i dont think it's fair to reduce every good thing he does to him “compensating” for when he couldn't save his falling kingdom #tgcf #mxtx meta #tgcf meta #heaven official's blessing #天官赐福 #swan stuff #tian guan ci fu #xie lian #long post

[borderlinereminders]

you push so much about self soothing instead of getting reassurance from people. are you saying that it's not ok to get reassurance from others? because that sounds pretty toxic

Hi anon,

I'm really sorry to give off that impression. That's not at all what I meant to convey. What I'm trying to suggest is that before asking for reassurance, we first try and self-soothe.

The truth is that for a lot of people, giving reassurance constantly is exhausting. It can lead to issues in a relationship over time, and negative feelings on both ends because they may end up avoiding the other person. This is especially true if someone doesn't ask for reassurance directly but hints at it with things like "No one cares about me."

My advice is if you are finding yourself struggling, to first try and self soothe either with skills or things that have helped in the past. Some examples.

Keep screenshots, letters, cards etc that affirm you are cared about by your loved ones. You can even ask someone to give you a recording of them saying it that you can listen to. Bonus: Keep these things in a self-care box that you can use in times of crisis and pull out that has other things in like affirmation cards, favourite treats, self care items, etc.

Examine the evidence. By this I mean try and keep a list of things they've done to show they care about you. For example, I have a list of things my partner has done for me besides saying "I love you" of both big things and little things that I can read when my brain decides to be rude to me and make me doubt he cares.

If the other person has done something specifically to make you feel they don't care, it's important to step back and look at the situation and check the facts. There's a difference between someone lying to you or doing something intentional and someone not replying to you because they got busy.

ACCEPTS is a really good skill for distractions! Here's a post on it.

TIPP is a good skill if you are needing to calm down in immediate crisis. Here's a post on it.

If you're having urges to accuse your loved one of not caring, consider Urge Surfing (here's a post on it) and then using a skill or plan that helps you.

If you aren't able to self-soothe that's so valid! It really is. I recommend trying it because sometimes you will be able to. But then sometimes you won't be able to and that's okay. In this case, if you need to get it from someone, ask directly for it instead of doing it in a guilting/passive aggressive/hinting way. You might say "Hey. I know you care about me, but my brain is being rude. Can you please give me some reassurance?" instead of "Sorry I'm such a bad friend/person/burden/etc".

It might also be worth having a conversation when calm with the other person to establish some boundaries and ideas for communication.

For example, if your friend regularly feels drained by you asking for reassurance, they could set boundaries on how often they're okay for you to ask for it.

You both might decide that they will try and message you randomly to offer reassurance because it can mean a lot when that happens.

This might be where they send you messages/recordings/etc that you can read in times of need.

If the friend is doing something specifically, even unintentionally, that makes you question things then it's really valid to have a discussion about it! I recommend using some I-Statements or other communicative skills to talk about it. Even if they aren't doing something wrong, it's still valid to talk about your feelings and see if you can come up with a solution. For example, maybe it's really hard on you that they disappear randomly for a couple days when their energy levels plummet. And this causes you to spiral and think they're ghosting you or etc. In this situation, maybe you and your friend come up with a solution where you establish a single emoji (specific for this purpose) that the friend can send with low energy that says "Hey. It's not you but I'm feeling drained and need to not reply for a bit."

TLDR: I don't think it's never okay to ask for reassurance, I just think it's important to self-soothe and not bombard people for reassurance because that can put strain on your relationships in the long-term.

#april answers #faq

[sillypiratelife]

Falling for zosan and namivivi because I am a sucker for parallels and relationships that are not what people would expect of them.

For example, I prefer when Zoro and Sanji don't get together because they are sexually attracted to each other, but because there is literally no real reason forcing them together but they choose to be together either way.

Why do they fight? Why each other?

There's nothing about fate or blind love in there.

Loving Sanji is a decision for Zoro. He picks Sanji. He decides he wants to tease Sanji and fight with him and offer to Sanji those parts of himself that no one else has seen. Zoro loves deliberately, with all his being. He knows what he's getting into and he accepts it, a promise made to last forever. He did the same with Kuina and Luffy, so it doesn't make sense to me to have a version of Zoro that loves romantically 'cause there's no other option. Remember when he preferred to die over denying his ambitions? Or all the times he has sacrificed himself expecting nothing in return? Or the fact he is praised for following no one he doesn't want to and nothing but what pleases him?

And Sanji can only choose to love Zoro. It'd be a fight with his traumas and the persona he created to keep the hurt at bay, you know, "the romantic cook that loves and lusts for women". It wouldn't be fair or pretty either if Sanji was forced into it. I'm not saying he can't be sexually attracted to Zoro —and I must clarify, for me Zoro is fully on the asexual spectrum— but ultimately, I think that Sanji would never dive on it if not fully conscious about what it entails. Sanji has a lot of issues he must start working on before involving himself in anything romantic or sexual with a man. It's the guilt? The shame? The way he represses himself and denies himself happiness? The way he thinks he needs to fake an easygoing persona so that others wouldn't worry? The self-loathing? Zoro sacrifices himself because that's his duty and he knows himself and his wishes— he'd die to be the best swordman and he'd die for Luffy to be the pirate king and he'd die for his crew. He doesn't wish death, tho. Sanji? His self-sacrificing is born out of suffering and self-deprecation. Loving Zoro would be a choice, no doubt.

With Nami and Vivi, it's that the circumstances make them perfect for each other, just to later keep them apart.

Vivi and Nami fit together. It took Nami one single night and she knew she'd sacrifice anything— that they would sacrifice anything to help Vivi. Nami saw her own fear and loneliness and guilt and desperation reflected in the way Vivi made her lip bleed from her bite while the Igaram ship was on fire. They were "cursed" to survive. To fight and struggle and survive, because no one else could face Arlong or Crocodile. Little girls —kids, then teenagers— sailing to a world of crime where they got claimed by the organizations they hated the most, the one they wanted to tear down because they were hurting their home. Young attractive teen girls who turned their bodies into weapons to distract and surprise their enemies so they could have a chance to defeat them.

Girls who know what it's like to smile when you want to break down, what it's like to kneel out of frustration and scream and feel useless helpless.

The strawhat girls were to fucking hell as mere children and got out of there walking, okay?

What allowed the princess and the burglar to find companionship within the other were those things like the trauma of being the only one who could reclaim back their home or the fear of being alone against a situation bigger than themselves. Being honest, I'm not sure if they'd have clicked without it. In the end it's a bit funny, isn't it? Alabasta is the reason Vivi met the strawhats and the reason why she can't sail to go on adventures with them. In fulfilling the promise of saving Alabasta, Nami made it so that Vivi wouldn't be able to leave with them. Well, she could, but not really. Vivi is a good princess and she wouldn't abandon her people = her country.

Vivi suffered for being a rich princess, but saved herself + her people 'cause they underestimated how influential and powerful she could be. On the other hand, Nami suffered for being a poor no one first, then for being too important for Arlong to discard, yet they never expected that Nami would have so many people willing to fight for her.

Like a moth to flame, a girl reflected on water.

Vivi and Nami are an echo of each other, one that rings clear and true across the seas. For me, there could be no one else for them. Who else would get it? Who else could understand what they can't explain? What they've lived through? Who held Vivi and swore it'd be okay that night at Whiskey Peak? Who took care of Nami when she was at death's door with fever for days? All the moments become a giant picture with them at the center of it. There's no one else. It couldn't be.

#zoro and luffy are queerplatonic to me and they deserve their own posts #no romantic no platonic but a secret third option (an aroace relationship between a captain and his first mate) #ANYWAY #shan blogs about one piece! #one piece anime #roronoa zoro #black leg sanji #zosan #one piece nami #cat burglar nami #vivi nefertari #namivivi #vivinami

[ihni]

Things I love to read in Billy and/or Harringrove fanfiction:

(Inspired by @grey-sides and in the hopes of spreading some love)

Billy and Max overcoming their problems to form a united front and start working together, and become better siblings to each other.

Realizations. The "oh" moments. The "oh shit" moments, the "oh fuck" moments, the "oh no no no..." moments. ALL the realizations! (So, like ... the boys finding out they're into each other, anyone finding out about Billy's home life, Billy finding out about monsters, both of them finally seeing another - more vulnerable - side of each other, etc etc etc)

This whole post

Billy getting to fight monsters too, especially if he can use it as an outlet for all that aggression and be badass and save people's asses and then be all blasé about it like "what? it's not like it's hard" *hair flip* (also Billy and an axe will NEVER be over-played!)

Physical whump (bruises, blood, hiding injuries, fighting, being pushed up against surfaces, threats, hands grabbing faces and throats and hair, being made to kneel, incapacitation, fighting through exhaustion/illness, manhandling, etc etc. I'm a whumper at heart, I want to inject all these things into my veins).

Emotional whump (being left out of things/ostracization, feeling lonely, overhearing something hurtful, keeping a straight face even though you're hurting inside, not expecting someone to come and save you when you're hurt/captive etc etc - ie my bread and butter).

Billy patching himself up (BOTH phisical and emotional whump, so, like a double-whammy!)

Billy in the upside down, as a very capable survivor. Give me Cast Away, only with Billy, and the Upside Down instead of an island ... ALL THE VERSIONS of that. I like my boy capable, and fighting for survival (I'm normal, I swear)

This post

Billy being touch-starved. I eat that up with a SPOON, all versions of it but especially the ones where he gets touch (angsty version; it's not a good kind of touch but he seeks it out anyway, fluffy version; he gets all the pets and hugs!)

The boys coming back from the upside down and having gotten used to being close, so they get anxious when they don't have eyes on each other (yes I've written it. yes I've read it. yes I love it)

Having to share a room/doing a project togehter because their last names both start with H. Like forced proximity, school version. Mmmm, delicious.

When Billy is ridiculously weak for Steve and would do anything for him (especially if Steve has no idea about he power he wields). Basically Steve as the Billy-whisperer.

Billy getting good parents. I don't even care who at this point, I'll read all of them: Joyce, Hopper, Claudia, Mr Clarke (Mr CLARKE <3), Bob, Flo, that grumpy librarian ... Just give him good parental figures (and let him STRUGGLE with accepting that he's finally safe!)

Scars. All the fics about scars. Angsty scars, proud scars, mental scars, scars on the skin, first time someone is allowed to touch someone else's scars. Just, <3

Badass, BADASS moments, by both Billy and Steve. Smashing demodogs to pieces, rescuing themSELVES from bad situations, etc.

Guilt. <3 That usually comes after the realization moments, but mmmmm, a side of guilt to that? Fucking delicious, I will live off that for weeks. Like, having someone realize what Neil is doing and then feeling GUILTY about it (maybe they caused Billy to be hurt, or maybe they made it worse, or maybe a beating could have been avoided if they'd acted differently), that's my JAM.

That moment when Billy/Steve start calling the other by their first name instead of their last name ...

Self-sacrifice (filed under whump, but can be both physical, mental or simply implied). There doesn't even have to be a real threat of getting hurt, the self-sacrificing idiot (I prefer Billy) just have to THINK there is.

Basic needs not being met ... until they are. (So, say ... Billy being hungry, thirsty, tired, thrown out of the house ... and then finally getting to eat, drink, sleep, get inside)

#tropes #harringrove #billy hargrove #fanfiction #things I love in fanfics #ihni loves #this is just a selection btw #I don't have time to add more to it but this is a TINY part of what i love to read

[bugtastic]

Please spill the modern au thoughts, I'm hungry for any takes of the characters in a happier setting

i had to edit this cuz i accidentally posted this without a check up first- anyways-

vash is my first victim. >:)

tags: fluff, a little bit of angst on vash's side, gn!reader.

warnings: none i think!

modern!vash, who is unemployed due to his reputation as the "humanoid typhoon". he causes disaster at every job he worked at. broken machines, gadgets, you name it. he was cursed out by his bosses many times. almost the whole city knows about him at this point.

"All you do is bring bad luck everywhere you go!"

modern!vash, who spends his time at your shared home, waiting for you to come home like a pet waiting for its owner.

modern!vash, who feels guilty that he can't lighten the stress off your shoulder. you have been working overtime again, just so you're able to afford a place for you and him.

modern!vash, who feels guilty that he can't lighten the stress off your shoulder. you have been working overtime just to pay the bills and to keep the small apartment you've both been living in. you're struggling and he can see that. he sees it every night when you go to bed and he feels you fall asleep in his arms.

modern!vash, who cleans the house and cooks for you both because of said guilt. you told him many times that it's okay, he doesn't need to clean the whole apartment just for your sake. he is stubborn, let me tell you. he will become the ideal malewife.

modern!vash that decorates the place to feel like home. trinkets he collects from his walks with Meryl and Wolfwood end up somewhere on a shelf. you swear that every day you come back home from work you see a new pebble in the plant vase you gifted vash before you started dating.

modern!vash, who texts the group chat with his friends, asking if anyone has free time for a short walk.

modern!vash, who looks at Wolfwood and Meryl as they bicker once again. Wolfwood pokes Meryl on purpose and he laughs silently to himself. The only thing missing is you. The four of you would be out hanging together. He misses holding your hand when he goes outside. But you're not here because of him.

modern!vash, who cries in your arms when you comfort him. you say you're more than happy to work overtime for both of your sake until he finds a stable job. he can't help but clutch the fabric of your shirt tighter, thinking 'I don't deserve you' and 'How selfish of me'. But now that he has you, you can't help but keep you to himself.

"How selfish of me. But I love you too much to let you go, my Mayfly"

modern!vash, who refuses every job offer his brother gave him. he doesn't associate with him anymore, not after what he did to you and his friends after rem's death. he will accept any other offer, but not Nai's.

modern!vash, who looks at the clock, hearing every tick the clock makes. you were already supposed to be home. it's past 9pm. where are you? did you get in trouble?

modern!vash, who worries and runs to the door, putting his shoes on as he speed dials your number on his phone.

-

You huff as you carry 2 heavy bags. After work, you went shopping for some supplies to make dinner. Vash has been cooking dinner every single day and the moment you protest and want to cook him, he hushes you and kisses you with a giddy smile on his face. You noticed when he gives small pecks on your lips, he giggles softly to himself.

Ah, if you only saw that smile turn into a small pout the moment you leave for work.

You swore that if he gives you those puppy eyes again, you will fight your inner self and be stubborn. You wanted to make him dinner too after all the hard work he's doing around the apartment. Cleaning and cooking, you're sure it must be tiring at some point for him.

After walking up many stairs you arrive at your door. You put the bags down as you reach for the keys to the apartment in your jacket. As you were about to put the key in its hole, the door suddenly flew open.

Vash stared at you in shock. His phone was to his ear and barely dressed to go outside. Wearing a gray tank top and black shorts are not ideal for going outside at night.

"Vash, what are you doing?" you asked. The blond registers your appearance, the shock fading away and for pure joy to replace it.

"YOU'RE BACK!!!" he picks you up in his arms and hugs you tightly. You yelp as you feel the air in your lungs slowly running out from his death squeeze.

"Where have you been? You were supposed to be here an hour- mmmmf-!" You press your lips to Vash's, successfully shutting him up.

"Stop worrying, I was out shopping. Now put me down, I need to cook dinner." You pat your hand on his shoulder signaling him to put you down. He slowly starts putting you down purposefully, he wants you in his arms juuuust a little longer. You sigh and wrap your arms around him. He feels your arms slowly envelop him. His heart might have just skipped a beat no biggie hahah. "I missed you too Sunshine." you say as you finally feel your feet touch the ground. You look up at Yash and you can tell he's not on earth right now. He's in a daze with a goofy smile on his face. You couldn't help but mess his hair up a bit, ruffling his fluffy blond locks.

He snaps back, finally registering what you said before. "Wait, dinner? But I'm supposed to make you food!" He exclaimed as you took the grocery bags and ran into the apartment before Vash to stop you.

"I'M MAKING DINNER AT THAT'S FINAL VASH! YOU CAN'T STOP ME FROM SPOILING YOU!" you yell down the hallway as you make your way down to the kitchen. Vash dramatically gasps and slams the apartment door shut.

"You have been working all week! You should rest Mayfly, overworking yourself just to make me happy... I don't deserve-" He gasps lightly as you pull him down by the collar of his gray tank top and kissing him. You were going to make the kiss short just to stop him from degrading himself.

That didn't up happening.

Vash hurriedly cupped your face with his hands and desperately pulled you closer to him, deepening the kiss.

He's been waiting all week for you to come home and kiss him properly after all.

You are the first one to break the kiss and take deep breaths. Vash was silently looking at you, just staring at you. His eyes softened as he leaned in for more, only for you to stop him by putting your hand over his mouth.

"This won't stop me from cooking, Vash." You scold him. Truthfully, that wasn't his plan to begin with but he'll use it as an excuse for now to hide his neediness. He laughs a bit, his face painted red.

"Can we cook together at least? Please? Preeeetty pleaseee Maaayfly?" He's giving you those puppy eyes again. You huff. You can't fight against that.

"Fine, let me do the main part at least." you say with a sigh. You can practically see the nonexistent tail wag behind your boyfriend.

"Okay! I'm happy with anything, really, as long as you're with me." Vash picks you up again and sets you on the counter. He goes through the grocery bag to see what you've gotten. His eyes shine brightly as he sees fresh doughnuts you've bought for him. After a while, you two end up talking about your day. He talks about how Wolfwood and Meryl fought as usual as you laugh with him. You can't help but stare Vash as he's talking. His energetic movements when he talks about the simplest things, his bright blue eyes, his smile. You can't get enough of that bright, gorgeous smile.

You think to yourself...

If you were to choose who you could spend your life with, you'd choose Vash Saverem in every universe. No matter who he is.

#meryl stryfe #trigun x reader #vash the stampede #vash the stampede x reader #vash x reader #wolfwood #trigun stampede x reader #vash x you #vash the stampede x you #nicolas d wolfwood #nicholas d. wolfwood #trigun #trigun x you

[pholiabanna]

Mike and expressing feelings

Maybe this is controversial, but a very popular take in the stranger things fandom is that Mike has trouble communicating his feelings. Melvins use this as an excuse for him not saying ily to El, but some bylers also seem to believe he does have trouble.

However, basing myself on what I've seen portrayed on the show so far, I don't think that's the case. Ever since season one, Mike has been very vocal about expressing his discomfort or disagreement. From confronting his own dad ("I'm the only one who cares about Will") to screaming at Hopper (when he hits him and calls him "liar", he didn't precisely struggle with letting him know how frustrated and angry he felt). He also has no trouble standing up against authority figures (Hopper when he said they couldn't look for Will, Owen's agents who he didn't trust enough to stay on lockdown...).

My point is, him rarely opening up about his feelings hasn't been established on screen for his character either. Since he's the leader of the party, that role can only work if he expresses how he feels about plans or situations, which he does in all seasons.

The only feelings he's having trouble communicating are his love for Will and his lack of (romantic) love for El. But in my opinion, this isn't because he's a person that normally struggles with voicing how he's feeling.

It's a really hard situation for him because to begin with, being in the process of accepting your queerness in 80s America had to be terrifying, so things like being scared of El's or Will's reactions definitely come into play.

Also the guilt. He can't tell El he doesn't wanna date her, because seeing her cry in front of him while asking him why he doesn't say he loves her, knowing what she's gone through, breaks his heart. He's a compassionate person, and even if he's not in love with her, it doesn't mean that he doesn't care about her, and given she's going through a terrible time with the loss of Hopper, he puts her before himself and tries to be the best boyfriend he can for her. But the heart wants what the heart wants, so he can't say "I'm in love with you" because he isn't. He can't express his romantic feelings for her, but not because he's a boy that struggles with expressing his own feelings, but rather because those romantic feelings don't exist. And his true nature would be telling her the truth (and in my opinion, all of his talks with Will in season 4 were about him building up courage to eventually tell her that, because again, he's a boy that likes to be vocal about his opinions and he's trying to overcome the fear of rejection in this particular case, which is what's holding him back from his natural state).

He's also not opening up with Will at the beggining of the season for this particular reason. He's coming to terms with the fact that he loves him, and he seems like he's bursting with it. That's the thing, Mike has always been very vocal about his feelings, and with Will particularly. This has been portrayed on the show many times ("I'm gonna stay by you no matter what, we'll defeat the mind flayer together, meeting you is the best thing I've ever done..."). He opens up his heart to him with no problem. His behavior in season 3 and the beggining of season 4 was about him not acting like his usual self. In those scenes where there's clearly something that he's not telling Will, it's been established that he's acting as someone he isn't. So when he's not expressing what he's feeling, that's not his normal self. That's not his core trait, he's acting out of character. And that's because the feelings he wants to scream and yell are being affected by external reasons (fear, self acceptance, internalized homophobia...). Still, after spending some time with Will in season 4, he slowly goes back to his real self, and he starts to let him know what's worrying him ("El and I fought, it was a bad fight, I feel like a random nerd"). He has no trouble opening up with the right person. He's in the process of reverting back to his true self, the guy who has no problem being vocal about his thoughts. The reason why he still hasn't been fully honest about his romantic feelings with both Will and El is because of the misscommunication trope, the painting fiasco and the fact that season 5 is planned to be a continuation of season 4, so they dragged the storyline for a bigger payoff, where Mike being completely honest about his feelings will make him come full circle, and go back to being his true self, once all the obstacles are overcome.

So in conclusion, Mike is not "so in love with El but he has trouble telling her because he's a boy who has always struggled with communicating his feelings". Instead, Mike is a boy who's always been blatantly honest until growing up and his own personal battles have made him stop himself from doing what he wants more than anything (being honest) and his journey consists of overcoming those obstacles, because his honesty wins over his fears.

Anyways, that's the way I've always seen it. I'd love to hear more opinions in this topic and I'm completely open to discussion! Let me know what you think.

#byler #byler tumblr #mike wheeler #will byers #analysis

[whiskey-bumblebee]

whatever that means

Pairing: Aaron Hotchner/Reader

Word Count: 1537

A/N: not part of I'm on Fire, but it's touch tank compliant! just a little thing that had been swimming around in my head. The article text is taken from a 2004 copy of Psychology Today so it's a little bit early for my Hotch (c. 2007) but I did my best y'all. Also not that anyone cares but the movie they're watching is 10 things i hate about you <3

Warnings: sex? but not... steamy sex? like... plot sex. Hotch is insecure but there's a lot of comfort <3

faceless hotch still courtesy of @lesbianhotch <3 <3

The bed shifts slightly and you feel a rush of cold against your legs as Aaron lifts the duvet and the heavy winter blanket. You reach for him blindly, too tired to open your eyes and accept the chilly morning.

You mumble his name, and he kisses your cheek tenderly.

"Go back to sleep honey, just going to the bathroom," He whispers, and you nod, pulling the blankets up to your chin and pressing your face deep into the pillow.

When you wake up an hour or so later, you open your eyes properly, and take in the cosy sight of your partner lying in bed with you, skimming through a magazine. You reach over and nudge his hand slightly so you can see the cover.

"Psychology Today?"

You laugh lightly, and move closer to him, resting your head on his shoulder so you can see what he's reading.

"Have to stay up to date," He jokes dryly, and you kiss his cheek, feeling filled to the brim with love for him. That's your man, this reading-psychology-magazines-in-bed-on-a-Sunday man, this mussed hair man, this man who's brushed his teeth so he doesn't feel like he's contaminating you by kissing you. You open your mouth slightly and he pops a mint into it, knowing what you're asking for.

"Any sexy articles you want to read to me?"

"Well, according to Arlene Goldman," He murmurs. "Good sex is about having the right attitude." He flicks a few pages back to where he'd briefly skimmed that article.

"Read to me?" You ask sweetly, letting your eyes close so you can focus on his low voice, feeling the way it makes its way from his chest out of his throat, over his tongue, between his lips.

"Give yourself permission to completely experience sex and its pleasures. That means you must let go of guilt, self-consciousness, judgments and personal hang-ups. Also, forget about your to do list and be prepared to fully experience the moment, says Goldman," Aaron reads.

"Are you feeling," You run your hand up Aaron's bare chest. "Hung up?" Your tone is teasing, and he drops the magazine, turning towards you to press a kiss to your lips.

You reach down to feel him, and feel that he's already rock hard.

"Aaron," You breathe. "Damn."

"Want you," He says, leaning back in to kiss you again.

It must be your fourth or fifth round when you press your hand softly to Aaron's chest.

"It's starting to chafe, baby," You say softly. "I can blow you if you want to come again?"

He shakes his head, breathing heavily. "I'm okay. Want me to stop?"

You nod, and he rolls off you immediately, springing up to fetch you a warm washcloth. He's gone for a while, presumably waiting for the water to warm up enough that the cloth will retain the heat (your water heater always seems to struggle on these cooler mornings).

"Do you want some juice or something?" He calls.

"Yes please," You reply. "Do we still have cranberry juice?"

He returns a few minutes later with the juice and the washcloth.

You thank him and rest the warm cloth over your pubic area, letting it ease the slight pain there. It's nothing too awful, just the result of continuous stimulation.

"Was that good?" He runs a finger over your eyebrow, where the hairs were sticking up at all angles from how you'd thrown your hand over your face in the throes of pleasure.

You nod. "Yeah, not for every day, but it was good," You smile.

After drinking your juice and going to the bathroom, you settle back into bed, encouraging Aaron to wrap his arms around you so you can spoon with him.

You press your ass back towards his hips, and he clears his throat, shifting his hips uneasily. You feel his erection pressing against you.

"Are you still hard?" You ask softly.

"Yes," He breathes.

"I'm sorry," You say. "I can't go again yet."

He kisses your temple tenderly. "Don't worry. It's not bothering me."

x x x x x

"Could you fetch a cough drop from the medicine cabinet? I don't feel like getting up," Aaron says, and you nod quickly, standing from the sofa.

"You okay?" You ask, and he nods.

"My throat's just a bit dry," He says, pausing the movie you'd been watching.

There's a silence that comes over the house, and it doesn't lift when you walk back into the room, a cherry cough drop in one hand and a bottle of pills in the other.

He freezes when he sees what you're holding, and you quickly go back to the sofa to sit beside him, setting the bottle aside as you give him the cough drop.

He's quiet for a long time, his face reddening with each passing second. It's so silent that you can hear him passing the cough drop from one side of his mouth to the other. In the end it's you who breaks the silence.

"I know it's none of my business, but... Has this been a problem for you?"

He shakes his head quickly.

"It's nothing to be embarrassed about," You say. "A lot of men take it."

He says your name softly, looking at you for any evidence that you're passing a secret judgment about his sexual performance.

"Is this why you were hard for so long the other day?"

"Yeah," He breathes.

"Was that the first time you've taken viagra?"

He looks down at the floor, suddenly incredibly attentive to the pattern of the rug. He'd never noticed that there were so many different shades of green in it.

"Aaron, I'm not trying to embarrass you, it's just that there are side effects that I can keep an eye out for if I know you're taking it," You explain. "And if you want to have less sex, or you're not feeling it, we can always slow down."

He shakes his head. "It's not that, it's just... I know sex is important to you, and I didn't want it to be a thing. I thought I'd get a prescription so that it didn't have to be a problem."

You breathe a sigh of relief. "Okay. Please tell me if it is ever too much for you. It is important to me, but I don't ever want to have sex if you don't want to be having it."

Noticing how he's slumping into the couch and avoiding your eyes, you take his hands in yours.

"Hey, I love you. You don't have to take this stuff for my sake. Have there ever been times that I've wanted sex and you haven't been able to get an erection?"

He shakes his head, chuckling to himself. "No. You make me so hard," He glances at you as he says the last part of the sentence, and you beam.

"I know that you like having sex on Sunday mornings, and I was just worried that you might want multiple rounds and I wasn't lasting like you wanted me to. Especially since I'm not as young as I used to be..."

"No!" You exclaim, louder than you meant to. "Oh my god, no, Aaron. You're perfect. If we were having more sex I think we'd run into problems. I worried I was going to get a UTI if we went much longer."

You straddle his lap, the paused movie behind your back completely forgotten.

"I love your stamina. I find it incredibly sexy that you fuck me the way you do. I love how you can always talk to me about what you need. I love your cock, but most importantly, I love you, Aaron. The sex is fucking incredible, but it's incredible because it's sex with you. It's sex with your hands, and your voice, and your body, and our relationship, and all of this love I have for you," You ramble, pressing your hands to his cheeks and your forehead to his.

You laugh to yourself, happiness flooding your veins. "All of this love. I'm amazed that I can fit all of it in one body."

When you lean back so you can look at him properly, you see that his eyes are watery. He cups the side of your face with his left hand, and you lean into his touch, closing your eyes with a small smile.

"I love you, honey," He says softly, running his thumb over your cheekbone. "Thank you."

You shrug. "It's nothing. I don't mind if you keep them, and if you ever do need them, but tell me if you take them, okay? There are some side effects that I'd want to look out for."

He nods. "Promise."

You look at him and feel love blossom in your chest again. "I'm gonna marry the hell out of you one day."

He laughs, and the sound makes you feel like you've sprouted wings.

"Alright. C'mon, I wanna see if the guy gets the girl," He says, slipping you from his lap into the space beside him. You rest your head on his shoulder.

"You know that he does," You say quietly. "You've seen this one before."

He kisses your forehead. "I know."

#aaron hotchner/reader #aaron hotchner #aaron hotchner x reader #hotch/reader #hotch #criminal minds #my writing

[levmada]

idk how else to phrase this so i'm just gonna ask it as it is: how do you think reader could help to rebuild/boost canon levi's self image and self worth in a way which makes him not solely reduce his self worth to how strong he is/how good of a fighter he is? i don't mean in a sexual way. but maybe more so through acts then words of affirmation? i just think poor guy shouldn't be so hard on himself :( like post-war levi's self worth must be so low now that he's (mostly) physically debilitated

//internalized ableism, self-hatred

This is really sad... but consider Levi has thought of himself more or less as a weapon or tool to be used the same way for the vast majority of his life. He has been abandoned so many times.

And then, basically his cause for living is achieved. His job is done. He can live for himself now... but after a whole life of reducing himself and self-neglect, there are some things he can never accept or believe. Even consciously, using logic, it's one of the hardest things in the world to change your entire belief system, in this case that Levi has worth as a person and not just as a tool used to fight. To gain self-worth. The guilt.

No matter what, the last thing he wants is to be a burden or need someone take care of him. He was so strong and independent for so long :( which is why it’d probably offend him to have you do things for him that in the past he could do himself. Like just. Pour tea. Turn the pages of a book. Deal with his bad knee when he has to navigate stairs or the shower. And you know he’s going to refuse the wheelchair every chance he gets.

And yet he doesn’t accept a glass eye, any treatment for tinnitus or headaches from the explosion, or prosthetic fingers. Part of it is his stubborn pride, but he doesn’t feel like wearing aesthetics to mask what’s already broken.

He feels broken. Like he’s done his duty and all that’s left is his scars, his disabilities, and an unspeakable amount of grief. Mirrors remind him. The cleft in his lip when he eats, drinks, kisses you, remind him. The bad dreams. The one thing he doesn't dread about it all is the fact that he carries on the memories of his comrades. He takes their hearts with him wherever he goes, so to speak.

Needless to say, it’s really fuxking difficult for him :( And healing isn’t linear. I think he’d prefer it if you didn’t acknowledge when he needs help with something, and you just do it. He hates himself for needing help, so it takes time, with a gentle smile on your face reassuring him that it has to be no trouble to you. Staring at him fondly, and kissing his scars so he can accept your love easier with the knowledge that he’s not hideous like he thinks of himself.

You don’t ask him to talk about it. Sometimes, you converse about the good memories. Levi gets nostalgic for the past, and it helps if you were beside him for all that time. You tell him it keeps their memory alive, but he struggles to find the words. So he starts writing.

Memories and moments he refuses to forget. Random nothing-details that he finds most important; like the way Hange would wear their goggles shoved up on their forehead and their crooked glasses slipped halfway down their nose; the times he would drop a bib on Sasha’s head for obvious reasons; the time he picked up a coin in the street, and that day being when Levi learned Erwin kept a coin collection of all things.

You get Jean to mail some drawings of people whose faces were important to Levi, and he pastes those drawings in. Just everything.

It’s cathartic and becomes a comfort to him, but sometimes a dreadful thing when he’s having a bad day and feels the need to write anyway, because it’s become routine. He’s going to become emotional and sometimes overwhelmed, and stare into space without really thinking or feeling anything. It’s always a good thing never to leave Levi alone unless he explicitly asks for it.

He would probably refuse physical therapy, let alone seeing a regular therapist or psychiatrist. He doesn’t want to deal with the effects of medications or become reliant on them… and he’s not about to open up to someone paid to get him to do just that. He’s stubborn on that. If you really went about suggesting it, maybe you’d work together on the physical therapy thing. He’d be in less pain, and it’d feel like he’s achieving something.

It takes time, and being gentle. Soft compliments which he learns to accept, even if some are impossible for him to believe. Stroking the flesh where his fingers used to be when the phantom sensations of tingling or pain appear.

Most importantly, giving him opportunities to do things for you so that he feels capable, and less of a burden (even though in your eyes he could never be).

It’d be nice to take innocent baths together where you can relax, and be exposed about his body which can’t move like it used to, where softness and scar tissue has replaced the old muscle and skin. The indentions from the ODM slowly fading away. It makes him uncomfortable, and then sick with love when you show affection to the ugliest parts of him. It feels better when he can do it for you.

For an example.

Some things Levi can never open up about again, even to himself. If you made yourself vulnerable a little more often, it’d be easier for him to follow suit. Quietly, in private, within the clutches of comfortable silence. For him to work through things that happened… and maybe even accept that now that it’s all over, it’s okay to have regrets. The past can’t be changed, but it doesn’t always have to hurt.

🏷: @ackermendick | @midtwenties-angst | @sckerman | @halloweenmedic | @katty | @jayteacups | @notgoodforlife | @peace-for-levi | @chaotic-nick | @b-o-n-e-daddy | @levisbrat25 | @oh-my-bakura-akefia | @happybird16 | @svftackerman | @galactict3a | @s0levis | @rouge_variant | @sparkywrites25 | @levisgreyeyes | @go-bonkers-go-foolish | @clusiesuzie | @that-1-levi-and-bkg-simp | @littleagxs | @spouse-of-the-rulers-of-hell | @rmylovely | @oldtownwonderland | @youre-ackermine | @mokkely | + link to sign up

#i teared up writing this goodbye #levi ackerman x reader #levi hurt/comfort #levi ackerman x you #hurt/comfort #aot headcanons #levi fluff #levi ackerman fanfiction #levi ackerman drabble #levi.thoughts

[irenespring]

House MD Characters and Their Mentors

Oh look it's more of this very niche character analysis. This time I'm looking at which of @lorata's District Two Victors would be good mentors for House characters. House fans reading this: you would really like Lorata's writing. Only limited Hunger Games knowledge required (basically you need to know the premise); lots of messed up people making the best of things, found family shenanigans, emotional angst, and queerness.

Anyway, time for mentors!

James Wilson: Devon. The essence of a Devon tribute. Really wants to make the world better. Fairly messed up and depressed, but does genuinely care about the district, and even the kid he volunteers for. The one bit of really key information we are provided about Devon's tributes is that Devon's dreamers burn bright, but flame out as the reality of the Games shatters their world view. This reminds me a lot of how House says that "Wilson thinks that if he cares enough he'll never have to die" contrasted with Wilson's feelings of betrayal and devastation that he, a oncologist who gave his life to treating cancer, is dying of cancer. He served the Capitol, believed everything the Center told him, and the truth of the Games ---the pain and the guilt and the injustice of it all--- is a sudden betrayal that completely unbalances him. The only way he wins is through temporary Arena madness, the kind of desperation that caused him to double his dose of chemo in a last ditch effort to survive and make the world make sense again during canon. Devon's main challenge post-Arena is helping him rebuild his shattered sense of self: Wilson thought he was a good person, but you can only win the Hunger Games by being vicious. Devon, as someone who had a similar break, is the best choice to help him form a cohesive identity. Devon can see him for who he actually is, all of it, and still say he cares. Devon can cite his own struggles with accepting care without "enough work" in return to get Victor!Wilson to step back from compulsively ignoring his needs to "earn" affection. Devon can pull him out of spirals about how his mental state is worse than his brother's now and show him how there is a way forward. The Victory Tour almost kills him, all those people hate him even though he only ever did what was asked of him and what he thought was right. Along with Devon, there is probably only one other person who could help him embrace that he does not need to be perfect or liked by everyone, which brings us to...

Gregory House: Adessa. I went through multiple avenues with this one. First I thought Callista, because viciousness and unapologetic attitude. Then I thought Lyme, because abusive childhood, resentment of the rules, and attachment issues. So we had option A and option B...and we somehow landed around option L. I dismissed Callista because of the reasons I thought Lyme. I moved away from Lyme because she works best with tributes who want to open up but can't until after they win. Claudius wants a family, Misha wants affection, etc. House wouldn't want to open up--- he would want respect, validation, and someone to make everything make sense. The reasons Adessa wasn't a good fit for Nero would make her a great fit for Victor!House. Nero wanted to be told Adessa loves him, but House wouldn't trust any obvious display of affection---instead perceiving his mentor's care for him through nonverbal actions she takes: exactly what Adessa expected to be true of Nero. Adessa can make recovery and all the chaotic, swirling feelings fit within a reasonable framework. She can answer his questions and treat him like someone with a rational mind. She knows that if he opens up, he probably doesn't want to be touched. She understands why he doesn't want the cuddly relationship that Victor!Wilson would have with Devon. She wouldn't pressure him to talk about feelings before he was ready and would give him space when he was ready. She understands his intellectual curiosity. She's probably the only one who could get him to invest in therapy. He wouldn't go based on "I've been there" talks or "I care about you" talks, he would go because "after a significant trauma the logical course of action is to seek medical care, so that one can be assigned medications to regulate neurotransmitters, and to remove unwanted chaos so one can better focus on more important matters." Oh, and also if John House every showed up to take credit for shaping his son into a Victor, Adessa has a briefcase full of knives and decades of fantasizing about taking revenge on behalf of her Victors. They would find his body in pieces...probably. If Adessa was feeling nice and wanted Blythe to have closure.

Devon is terrified when Adessa requests a meeting with him. Misha asks him what he did like fifty times and he doesn't know. He almost calls his mentor, but doesn't because he's a mentor too now, dammit and Adessa totally shouldn't scare him anymore. When he shows up she opens with: "Our Victors appear to have significant romantic attraction to each other. Shall we hasten their union via jointly planned manipulation, culminating in an arranged one-on-one meal over candlelight, perhaps involving the exchange of flowers?"

Lisa Cuddy: Nero. This one is hard. Cuddy is a lot more difficult to analyze than House and Wilson even though I actually prefer her over House (Wilson is my favorite, he just has so many problems, weird habits, and hidden depression). She has a lot of contradictions. She's manipulative, but empathetic. She genuinely advocates for the rules, but allows for crazy ass things to take place. She seems to argue for the rules because she has to, but is inherently drawn to the more chaotic, vigilante tendencies of House. She puts on a show of obeying regulations set by those above her, but seeks power so that she can facilitate what she thinks is right (she repeatedly says she's the only one who would employ House). This is reflective of a Nero tribute. She doesn't know why she is drawn to violence and competition of the Centre, but she is. She completes her kill tests with the highest scores in her year, but she mainly only feels guilty for not feeling guilty. She doesn't have a rationalization for why she is like this the way someone with House's history has. She should want to join the Peacekeepers or be a medic. But the more time passes in the Centre, the more she wants to win the Hunger Games. She goes into the Games a year early, the youngest District Two volunteer in history, and even though she knows the killing is wrong she still wants to win because why shouldn't it be her? She's better at this than the others. However, the inner conflict causes problems post-Games, as the criticisms from other districts actually hurt her, because she agrees. She knows there's something wrong, she fears she might secretly be evil. Nero, with a lifetime of dealing with conflicted, crazy tributes, knows how to reassure her that even if that something is actually wrong, she still has people who love her.

Bonus! Ducklings:

Foreman: Brutus. He's just here to do his job. He knows he's better than his Centre rivals, so his job is the Games. Trying to make it right or wrong will only drive you crazy.

Chase: Lyme. Daddy issues, alcoholism in the family history, wants the authority to like him. Lots of weird hidden triggers.

Cameron: Emory. Wants to be a decent person, just kept going in the Centre because she figured no one would pick her and she owed it to her district to keep trying. She had a baby Victor crush on House and Adessa had to take Emory aside and be like "the baby is making my Victor uncomfortable, tell her to calm down."

Thirteen: Misha. Rules are for suckers, enjoy your life while you have it, desperately try to find meaning in the world while pretending you don't give a shit.

Kutner: Lyme. Wants to find a place to belong, shoves his emotional issues down because he thinks nobody cares. Thinks outside the box, but still responds well around authority he respects.

Taub: I have no fucking idea. Seriously, the more I try to think about this the more I have no thoughts, head empty. Maybe Odin? Odin has a "do what you're supposed to do no matter what, no matter the cost" ideology that would cause a mentor mismatch like Adessa and Nero but at least that mismatch is something.

Anyway if one (1) person requests a Victors!House/Wilson I will write scenes so you have been warned.

#house md #gregory house #james wilson #lisa cuddy #the ducklings #the hunger games #district two #lorataverse #we must be killers: tales from District Two #mentor meme #character analysis #like really niche character analysis #a longwinded piece of character analysis that will make no sense to anyone? me? you must be mistaken #but anyway I have Thoughts and I'm making it everyone else's problem

[sokkastyles]

Do you think Zuko was being hypocritical in TSR when he confronted Katara? I read a post saying that even though he acts humble about not deserving the Gaang's trust, he still feels entitled to Katara's trust, which makes him a hypocrite. Idk, what do you think?

No, it doesn't make him a hypocrite, because there is a difference between being humble and self-flagellating, just as there is a difference between being entitled to someone's feelings and trying to figure out why they feel the way they do and offering to help.

And Zuko has come a long way in both respects, because at the beginning of the series he was both entitled and carried a huge amount of self-loathing. But his actions here show that he's learned more healthy behaviors, because even though he does start to give in to his own guilt, he doesn't just accept it when Katara makes a mean remark. What she says in response to him saying he doesn't deserve praise, "yeah, no kidding," is rather cruel because Zuko's remark comes from genuine guilt and a desire to atone, as well as that struggle with his own self esteem that he's had for a long time due to his history of abuse.

Katara doesn't know that, and of course her feelings of hurt are understandable, but at the same time, that doesn't mean Zuko needs to just take mean remarks directed at him, especially being kicked when he's already down. That kind of behavior is neither healthy for Zuko nor Katara. As I said above, it's healthy for Zuko to stand up for himself and develop relationships where he feels like he can do that after his history of abuse (and the fact that he feels like he can highlights the difference between his relationship with the gaang and with Azula/Ozai.)

But it also is healthy for Katara that Zuko wants to find out why she is acting this way, and guesses that it has something to do with her own hurt. Of course he is angry about her mean remarks, but he very quickly figures out that her distrust of him comes from feeling personally hurt by him, and owns up to it.

Let's look at the context, because it isn't just that one remark from Katara that clues Zuko in to what's going on with her.

Aang: Wow, camping ... it really seems like old times again, doesn't it?

Zuko: [Jokingly.] If you really want it to feel like old times, I could, uh ... chase you around a while and try to capture you. [He smiles and the rest of the group laughs, except for Katara.]

Katara: [Sarcastically.] Ha, ha.

This tidbit from the transcript is super interesting, because I didn't catch Katara's sarcastic "ha ha" at Zuko's joke. This isn't the first time she has responded sarcastically to Zuko's jokes, but her reaction to this particular joke is interesting. Because Zuko is joking about how he had hurt them before. Zuko's delivery is rather shy, like he's not sure if it's too soon, but then the joke lands...for everyone except Katara.

Because Katara doesn't just distrust Zuko, her feelings come from seeing him "change" before. She is genuinely hurt by Zuko's joke, because she's still not convinced he might actually decide to chase them again for real. Then the scene continues with the rest of the gaang praising Zuko, oblivious to Katara's feelings.

Sokka: [Holding up his cup.] To Zuko! Who knew after all those times he tried to snuff us out, today he'd be our hero?

Team Avatar: [Everybody except Katara holds up their cups.] Hear! Hear! [Aang nudges him with his elbow, before Toph lightly punches him.]

Zuko: [Smiling.] I'm touched. [Stops smiling.] I don't deserve this.

Katara: [Angrily.] Yeah, no kidding. [Walks away.]

Sokka: What's with her?

Zuko: I wish I knew. [Follows her.]Cuts to shot of the entire campsite.

Sokka: [Voice-over.] What's with him?

Again, everyone praises Zuko except Katara. Then Zuko says his thing and again looks shy and a little guilty for being praised (because abused kid) and Katara makes her comment and walks off. In the show, Zuko does look angry and defensive when Katara says what she says, but notice his response when Sokka says "what's with her?" Zuko says "I wish I knew." He doesn't say, "I don't know why she's acting so irrational" or something that would otherwise imply that her feelings are not valid. He says quite seriously that he wants to know what is wrong. Because at that point he probably already has an idea that it has to do with what happened between the both of then in the caves. And he goes to confront her, because he knows that this is something that they need to hash out between the two of them.

Sokka's reaction is also meant to be funny, but I've talked a lot before about how Katara feels hurt by Sokka not understanding her feelings, and frequently gets frustrated by him because of that. The camera focuses directly on Katara's hurt face when Sokka is praising Zuko, and then Sokka acts like he has no idea why Katara reacted the way she did, and acts flippantly like there is something wrong with her, in contrast to Zuko saying he wants to know what is wrong. Then Sokka humorously repeats his comment about Zuko when he walks off, which also underlines that this is a conflict between Katara and Zuko that only the two of them can work out.

I know Zuko also gets flack for what he says when he confronts her in the next scene, but again, he's allowed to be angry and hurt when Katara is deliberately trying to get that reaction from him, and quickly understands why she feels that way towards him, and his expression when she tells him explicitly that she wants to trust him, but he betrayed her, is one of admission of guilt. But then he offers to help, and doesn't stop trying to help even after she rejects his help.

Of course, he looks hurt, but again, he is allowed to be, and the fact that he still tries to help her and resolve things between them shows a difference between entitlement and genuinely wanting to repair the relationship. If Zuko were entitled to her kindness or trust, he would not try to repair things after she told him there was nothing she could do. He'd act like she was just acting irrational and ignore it like everyone else does, or hope that she'd come around eventually, or offer her things without really trying to get to the bottom of her hurt feelings.

Moreover, continuing to rehash a conflict that has already been resolved in canon and imply that Zuko's feelings towards Katara are not sincere also implies that Katara's forgiveness of him is not sincere. Is Katara a hypocrite for deciding to trust and forgive Zuko? Or is it a repeated theme of the series that people are allowed to change and grow, and that growth is necessary in order to be a better person?

#zuko #katara #zutara #the southern raiders #sokka

[kisses-for-you]

Guilt - Conner Kent

Conner Kent X GN!Reader

Summary: Conner blames himself for Hank's death and you're his only source of comfort during this time.

Word Count: 915

Requested ✅ (i accidentally deleted the question so sorry whoever requested this 😭)

In the aftermath of Hank's tragic death, the solemn atmosphere hung heavily over the whole team. Conner, wracked with guilt and grief, found himself caught in a web of self-blame. His abilities and strength seemed useless in the face of the loss he felt, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he could have prevented it.

As Conner grappled with the weight of responsibility, you became his refuge. You've always been the one to offer a kind word or a reassuring smile, and in these dark times, your empathy shone even brighter. you recognized the torment in Conner's eyes and understood the guilt he was feeling, having gone through something very similar before.

Late one evening, you find Conner standing alone on the rooftop, his gaze fixed on the city below. You approach him silently before gently speaking, "Conner, it wasn't your fault. I know you tried your best to save him."

Conner turns to face you, his eyes betraying a mixture of sadness and frustration. "I should've been faster, stronger. Hank wouldn't be gone if I had just been better."

You move closer, resting a hand on Conner's shoulder. "You're not alone in this, Conner. Just know that blaming yourself won't bring Hank back."

In the days that followed, you became Conner's confidant. Late-night conversations turned into shared silences, where your presence alone provided a comfort that words couldn't express.

As the team struggled to cope with the loss, conflicts arose within the team. Conner's guilt manifested in moments of frustration, and he distanced himself from the others. You, however, refused to let him isolate himself, making sure to always be there for him.

One day, after a particularly heated argument with Dick, Conner found himself at a breaking point. You went to look for him, finding him in the training room, fists clenched, and jaw tight. Without saying a word, you approached and wrapped your arms around Conner in a comforting embrace. He didn't hug you back but he didn't push you away either.

After a couple moments, you pull away, looking up at him. "I know you're hurting, Conner," you say softly, "but shutting everyone out won't make the pain go away. Hank's death wasn't your fault and it never will be. You tried your best to save him."

Conner's gaze remains distant, his eyes reflecting the storm of emotions within. He sighs heavily, shoulders slumped with the weight of guilt he's unfairly carrying. "But it wasn't enough. I could've saved him if only I was faster. So, yes, it is my fault, Y/N," he finally spoke, his voice strained.

You put a hand on his arm, feeling the tension in his muscles. "Conner, blaming yourself won't bring Hank back. You did everything you could in that moment. Jason is the one responsible for what happened, not you."

Conner's jaw clenches as he struggles with all the different emotions he's experiencing. "I just can't shake this feeling, Y/N. Every time I close my eyes, I see it happening again. I should've-"

You cut him off, "Conner, stop. Blaming yourself won't change the past. I'm here for you and pushing me away isn't going to change anything." You squeeze his hand gently, trying your best to comfort him, but unsure how.

He shook his head, struggling to accept your words. "I should've saved him, Y/N. I'm supposed to be a hero, and I failed. I couldn't stop his death."

You meet Conner's gaze, unwavering. "Conner, being a hero doesn't mean you can control every outcome. There'll always be someone you can't save, no matter how hard you try to prevent that."

Conner's eyes bore into yours, grappling with his internal turmoil. "But I could've done more, Y/N. I can't just accept that I couldn't save him."

You maintain your steadfast gaze. "Conner, accepting the reality doesn't mean giving up. It means finding a way to honor Hank's memory and move forward. Blaming yourself won't do his memory any justice."

He takes a deep breath, a mix of frustration and resignation in his expression. "I just don't know how to let go of all of this guilt."

You place a gentle hand on Conner's cheek, meeting his troubled gaze with unwavering support. "Letting go doesn't mean forgetting, Conner. It means accepting that you did everything you could. Hank wouldn't want you to carry this burden."

Conner's eyes soften as he searches your face for reassurance. "I don't want to lose you too, Y/N."

You smile, a mix of love and understanding. "You won't. I'm here for you, Conner, no matter what happens. We'll face it together."

Conner's shoulders slowly relaxed as he absorbed your words. The weight on his chest didn't lift entirely, but your unwavering support provided a momentary respite from the storm inside him.

"I don't know what I'd do without you, Y/N," he admitted, a hint of vulnerability in his voice. You brushed your thumb gently across his cheek. "You're not alone, Conner. We'll find a way through this together."

As the days unfolded, your unwavering support began to chip away at Conner's guilt, creating small pockets of space where he could breathe without feeling the crushing weight of responsibility.

One evening, as the sun dipped below the horizon, casting long shadows across the room, Conner turns to you with a soft smile. "Thank you, Y/N. For everything. I don't think I would've made it out without you being there for me."

#conner kent x reader #titans!conner kent #dc titans #imagine #conner kent #superboy

[streettealee]

Personally, I don't really like the idea of James having to forgive Grace or anyone thinking that he does and needs to/will at some point.

Characters can be redeemed by the narrative, but that doesn't mean all characters need to forgive them. I do think some of the attitude toward Grace turned quite assholey during ChoT, but James was impacted in a huge way by her. There's a difference between accepting what has happened to him, thereby making peace with himself (who else is guilty of beating themselves up by remembering negative experiences in an endless replay cycle and wondering why it happened or how else it could have gone so you could have avoided it or certain aspects of it?), and forgiveness. You can accept an event happened, or in some cases, a person happened, but that doesn't mean you forgive them or condone or excuse their actions. You simply acknowledge within yourself that you don't need to keep beating yourself up over it and even if things could have gone a hundred different ways, it happened the way it did and there's no changing the past.

Sometimes, we think we've made peace and then an experience comes back to haunt us weeks, months, years later, maybe even decades, and often without much warning. And you're left reeling, lost, wondering what's wrong with you "because I thought I was over this?" You could have undergone incredible healing, but suddenly you're trembling like a leaf in the wind again, short of breath, unable to sleep, unable to think, unable to feel, reduced to a robotic sort of state that a lot of people might not notice you're in. You keep thinking of a situation. It comes over and over, no matter how much you try to block it out, tell yourself you're okay with it now, there's no other way it could have been and you're done.

James Herondale has gone through trauma. I recognise that even canon didn't address it very well. Hell, I don't think even I can do it, but I'm trying where fanfic allows. I've seen others attempt it too, which is something, and more than CC did on the whole. I think some of us need to step back and realise that just because we like characters, it doesn't mean characters need to like or forgive each other. A redeemed antagonist's past does not disappear. Things aren't neatly tied up with a bow. I've done things I'm not proud of to people who didn't deserve an ounce of it, and I have to live with that guilt, and remember that they don't need to forgive me. They definitely don't. Just as I wouldn't forgive some of the people who did wrong by me in life, who leave me for periods of time a shell of a human being.

James doesn't need to forgive Grace. It wouldn't surprise me if, years down the track of his fictional life, he began suffering nightmares of a demon on his back, claws in, again, struggling to pry it off. If he saw silver bracelets and skipped hastily over them immediately because he doesn't want to think too deeply about the doors it might open. If he avoids the area around the ruined Blackthorn Manor or compulsively visits there, trying to unite his past self with who he is now. If he felt mostly indifferent just days ago but suddenly can't think about Grace without imagining methods of revenge, memories of time spent together tinted by bitterness, can't look her in the eye for weeks at gatherings.

James could say he does not blame Grace to ease her mind on one of his better days, but it is unrealistic, in my view, to believe he truly forgives her even if he's accepted what happened. A part of him might always blame her, be despairing at her, because of the years he lost because of her. He can know it was Tatiana's commands, her influence, but it doesn't remove the fact that Grace carried these things out and was the face James attributed to his pain. James can be okay, and still suddenly experience it all again years down the track, and Grace being redeemed does not mean he has to forgive her or never blame her. So long as he doesn't act out of malice or cause some intentional harm to her, James is justified. He does not need to forgive.

I hope all of that made sense. Most of this was just rambling thought.

#james herondale #grace blackthorn #tlh #the last hours #chain of thorns #trauma #forgiveness #or lack thereof

[brandnewhuman]

Once again I'm writing shit no one has asked for but I want anyways so:

SLASHERS X READER GETTING OLD TOGETHER (Gentle giants edition)

INCLUDES:

Headcanons of Thomas Hewitt, Bubba Sawyer, Jason Voorhees growing older with their s/o

Tw: possible mention of cannibalism, murder, mentions of toxic households, some angst. If I missed anything you can say it!

A/N: listen, I just want to have my old age domestic bliss with this babes so this is going to be shameless self-indulgence. Also if you like it I can do it for the other slashers too.

THOMAS:

You two obviously have moved out after luda mae and hoyt died. You actually tried to go as far away as possible to be able to have a fresh start.

Probably married at some point. He may not say it but being able to call himself your husband makes his heart melt.

With so many years of being under your care and love he eventually feels less self conscious. He doesn't struggles that much anymore to believe he's worthy of your love.

That doesn't mean he takes your love for granted or that he has grown used to being with you. He's still shy as ever, he's a mess everytime you look at him smiling. He can swear that everyday he wakes up next to you he falls in love all over again just by looking at you in the eyes. He will never stop to feel butterflies inside his stomach everytime you're around.

He eventually found a normal job. Town folks were surprisingly accepting once they discovered how nice thomas actually is and what a lovely couple you two make. He even managed to make a few friends. Proving hoyt's theories about Thomas never being able to have a normal life wrong. Hoyt you can suck on a big fat toe

You both had made a good reputation for yourselves in town. and its actually really refreshing for Thomas to being able to live and not survive. Like really being free from the guilt, the violence and the horrors of what he had to do to maintain his family.

He is going full on with the old man life style once he retires. We're talking about keeping sweets in his pockets, holding hands with you while taking your daily walk around the neighbourhood and sitting on the couch cuddling with while watching cheesy sitcoms

Now that he has free time he's finding new hobbies to do together and his favorite by far is cooking and baking. He's taking it very seriously, has even bought aprons for him and you.

Now that he doesn't have to kill anyone to have something to eat he finds it really relaxing. He enjoys every part of it, even buying the groceries.

If you two had kids and/or grandchildren he will 100% bake and cook with them. He'll probably give too many sweets to the kids so try to keep an eye on him if you don't want your kids/grandchildren to get diabetes in one day

The part he loves the most about his new life is being able to see how you change throughout the years along him. Your greying hair, the marks on the corners of your mouth cause by a lifetime worth of moments smiling and laughing together, your beauty never withering only growing more mature.

And he's not ageing bad himself at all. Tommy is still the big strong boy you've met years ago. That hasn't change even now that he's old, the only visible change in his physics being a few wrinkles and white hairs.

But if we talking about age problems you can't see? Oh boy, buckle up.

Both of you are experiencing the joys of feeling aches everywhere. Getting up? Your knees are aching. Bending? Your back is killing you. Every bone in your body rattles from time to time

Now if is him hearing his back cracking because he just got up from bed then his only going to let a subtle grumpy grunt of annoyance

But if it's you? Bro is going full on panic mode thinking you just broke your fucking spine. He's never going to get used to it and will always fuss about it

Years of neglecting his health and forcing too much his body has took a tool on him though so make sure his getting checked from time to time and that he takes his medicines

Besides you too have to get checked cause, even if less serious than his, you still have your fair share of things to watch out for.

He reminds you of your medicines and you remind him of his.

He loves taking you to little dates like going to get ice cream together, taking you to a nice dinner out ecc

He has now no shame in kissing you, cuddling ecc. He's a serial smoocher

Dinners together are always romantic, it doesn't matter if there's no special occasion both of you will always make it nice with candles and music ecc

He loves to sit on the porch with you after breakfast or lunch.

He's definitely going to bring you flowers everyday.

The only bad thing he sees on getting older together is that the idea of losing you becomes more real everyday. He knows it's something normal and tries to not think about it too much. He only hopes that, if you two can go out together, he's the first to go cause he won't be able to be without you.

Overall his life is going to be much more happier and healthier. It was already happier the day you appeared in his life but now is really everything he wished for and more.

BUBBA:

Much more like Thomas his life with you will start to be much more happier and easier without having his family around to manipulate and beat him down.

It's a 50/50 between Drayton and his brothers dying or you being able to convince him to leave wit you.

Either way he's just so happy of been gifted the opportunity to spend so many years with you ♡

Bubba, unlike Thomas, still likes the idea of a house far from the town, with a nice garden ecc

Both of you would find a job and will still going to town for groceries ecc but he just prefers the calm and privacy of not being around people too much. Years of always being isolated are not going to heal so easy.

He's still as bubbly as always, maybe now with age his less energetic and more toned down but he's still a gentle giant full of joy.

Every night before going to bed he puts the radio on and has a cuddling session with you while listening you talk about anything you want to say

Now that he's a retired old man he doesn't has much to do so he takes this free time to engage in his passion for crafts ecc.

He's that type of old people who are always checking the whole house to see if something needs to be fixed.

He loves to have breakfast with you in the garden. Or to have cute picnics outside.

He's definitely going to have a dog and by the time you wake up in the morning he has not only take his daily walk with the dog, brought you flowers but he has made breakfast too.

He has learnt to drive eventually but if he was a danger behind the wheel when he was younger now that he's old he's a complete fuckin menace. Please don't let this man drive more than what's necessary

He has found he really enjoys reading and probably had to start using glasses but being the old man he is now they're probably atrociously ugly. Somehow, though, he manages to make them look cute on him.

You have to remind him to take his medication if has to take any. You would always leave it in his nightstand for him to take first thing in the morning with a note to make sure that if you're still asleep he will take them anyway.

He still acts like a teenager with a crush around you and his love has never lessen or toned down with the years.

This poor man health is a mess so yeah, have fun having doctor's appointments as dates

Anything you buy, make or bring for him he's going to treasure it like it's the most valuable thing he has. You both probably have a memory boxes

To make bubba happy you don't need to do much, you're both old and don't really have the energy to be doing crazy stuff so just sitting together on the couch and cuddling is more than enough for him

JASON:

I mean, you already kinda live the old couples life. The only difference being that now you both can actually call yourselves old

Jason out of the three gentle giants is the least likely to move out of the woods. He doesn't sees the need to leave if you both are doing just fine, plus this is his home and the only place he has known since he was a kid.

If it's normal jason he might consider it though, cause he's not getting any younger nor you and he worries about your wellbeing. Be it that you may need medical assistance or that someone hurts you ecc he doesn't want to putting at risk your life now that he's not that able of protecting you

If it's zombie Jason then he's likely to not give in. He loves you dearly but he could never be comfortable around people nor he would fit in enough to live a normal life. Plus he's not going to get old nor die, you're the own starting to look like a raisin here. He's only concern is to spend as much time as he can with you. He will try to slow down the whole killing thing, might settle to just scare people away just for the sake of not wasting time he could use on being with you

Normal jason it's a garden grampa. He's got the hat, the flannel with overalls, the gloves ecc... you even bought him a utility belt to keep his gardening tools at reach without him having to bend down or forcing his knees to get them.

Is always growing new flowers just for you, gets all giddy everytime you both go out to get groceries and you tell him he can buy new seeds.

If he has budge about living somewhere else the first years are going to be hard. Pam wasn't exactly happy about it, but she knew his darling was not going to be able to keep going with this forever and she didn't want to put you in danger neither so she gave her approval. He was actively terrorise everytime he had to interact with someone.

With time and patience and so much love and care from your part, he has grown used to be around people again. Even Pam was helping you in calming him down

After all this years he's still so careful around you. If he treated you like you were going to break before now he's even worse.

You have to talk to him about it cause he ends up neglecting and hurting himself by doing this.

Unpopular opinion but he's not going to be a early morning person anymore. With nothing to worry about and no responsibilities of staying alerted in case a trespasser gets close, all the lack of sleep and years of not resting are catching up on him.

He's not going to be grumpy but will probably sleep as much as he wants and that means that you're going to stay in bed until he doesn't wakes up

Again, like Thomas he's too going to have aches everywhere.

Mostly on his knees and arms from years of hunting down people. His muscles are sore most of the time

He loves having time to actually sit down with you to have meals together or to just watch TV without the thought of having to leave you at anytime to do something.

He's actually pretty healthy and makes sure you are too. His body has only softened a bit from having a more laid back lifestyle. He now eats better and doesn't has to worry about getting hurt ecc anymore

If you're with zombie Jason and you start to feel insicure about you being old and him staying the same he's going to do everything in his power to make you feel loved and comfortable. From his part his love has never changed in any shape or form. If anything it has been getting stronger day by day. The only thing that has changed is that he's now more careful with you and is more protective cause you're more fragile. But other than that everytime he looks at you he only sees his y/n, his little flower beautiful as always if not more

If you had kids and grandchildren he's the grandpa of grandpa's. Pam is over the moon seeing how your family is growing and how happy jason is around all of you

He's always going to carry some sort of sweet with him for the kids, takes them to eat ice cream and play outside, takes them after school if they want to spend time with him and you. He's always giving them money to buy something and it's like the sweetest old man in this world.

He has a thing for taking candid photos of you. You may find photos you didn't remember to take around the house.

Please learn with him how to crochet things so you can both make sweaters for each others.

His favorite part of the day is kissing and admiring you before falling asleep knowing that the next morning he's going to see you again. He's never going to grow tired of having you in his life

#slashers #slasher community #slasher fandom #horror movies #slasher fanfiction #slasher x reader #slasher imagines #slasher movies #slasher x you #slashers headcanons #bubba leatherface #bubba sawyer #thomas brown hewitt #thomas hewitt x you #thomas hewitt x reader #jason voorhees #jason vorhees x reader #jason vorhees x you #tcm fanfic #texas chainsaw the beginning #texas chainsaw massacre #friday the 13th #friday the 13th fanfic

[livuvur]

Favorite Edwin moment? Either 03 or BH?

Oh god that's a hard one... Considering I love every moment the two of them are on screen together but I will try, (also note I'm not including the most well-known, iconic moments aka gun scene/proposal, etc.) Just to keep the variety a little, I'm gonna focus more on moments that I believe have very high significance to their relationship but simply don't get talked about nearly enough. (Not in particular order)

1. This moment, especially in the manga makes me very very soft, in the page before this one we see ed being all miserable by himself, he goes to call winry (who is also being all miserable by herself) and I really do love the approach of this moment as it is not Ed trying to comfort Winry after Hughes' death nor bringing up the topic at all, since he himself doesn't know what else he could say about it, on top of the fact that he feels responsible for what happened to him, instead, he just tries to make sure winry doesn't go without eating because it would do her no good, and attempts to leave, but then she just takes his hand and leads him into her room and his face as she does so is just so utterly adorable... I love how soft that panel is, and how despite Ed not being one to comfort her she is still non-verbally asking him to stay, because she needs him by her side in those moments, and his presence alone is enough, and then, despite how he had just eaten he still accepts the apple pie Winry made because she put so much of her heart and her effort into it. And once he sees the tears gathering in her eyes he is simply physically incapable of saying no to her.

2. I think I've talked about these panels before on here, something very interesting to me is how the first panel shows ed admitting he always saw Winry as someone so upbeat and cheerful, to the point it is easy for him to forget how much pain she's actually been internalizing the whole time, and then scolding himself for not understanding her feelings at all. And then you have Winry seeing right through Ed, saying she knows he is just trying hard to be tough (and that he is an idiot, *cough*). The thing is, Winry has seen Ed at his worst, she was there taking care of both him and Al when they had lost everything and Ed was struggling under the weight of his guilt and pain, she saw him crying and sobbing everyday, she even mentions that at nights he just couldn't stop moaning from the pain and fever automail caused him. And on the other hand, Ed had been thinking quite the opposite about Winry, because she was always there being a rock for both him and Al even after having lost her family herself, she was there, always smiling for them and supporting his every step with such strenght he couldn't even imagine she was simultaneously grieving as well. Ed always saw Winry's strenght, but she always knew his weakness all too well.

3. Self-explanatory, I'm a sucker for edwin parallels: she thinks of him while she's dying, he thinks of her while he is fighting to stay alive. They are obsessed with each other, next one.

4. THIS MOMENT, GOD. “seeing it made me realize I couldn't go home”, “I want to be able to help you, so your road's not so hard” this whole scene is just so overlooked it hurts, cause it just goes to show Winry's love and dedication to Ed, and how his determination and resolve inspire her own, she is always looking to improve in any ways she can to help him, Ed literally is able to walk and to continue his journey because of her, (and he reminds it to her in one of her darkest moments) and I just think it's amazing how they're both always challenging each other under different circumstances, this is just one of them, with Winry declaring she is gonna push herself to be the fucking best she can so she can be there for him. (Also his sudden self-awareness and blush when he realizes he is staring at her smile... *blows them up with dynamite*)

5. Again, self-explanatory. Absolutely fucking love some good male rage when his boo is threatened, Bradley didn't even have to lay a finger on her and this guy was ready to strangle him right there. (Also Olivier's entire speech in BH saying Ed's eyes were “desperate” and of “a boy who would do anything to protect the things he loves” when he refused to tell her anything about the homunculi because Winry was a hostage, even tho he knew Olivier could have chopped him in little pieces just because of that. <3

6.

Damn apparently I can't add more images lmao but basically this whole thing they unspokenly have going on where they give each other an item that belongs to the other so they keep it as a reassurance/promise they will see each other again: Ed giving winry his red coat after the gun scene, Winry giving Ed her earrings and asking him to keep them safe for her, and even in their very last scene, Winry keeping Ed's white hoodie, the one he wore when he came back home to her. Just. They are so. Yeah.

Believe me I have many more I could go on for hours, I wanted to include some 03 moments too, but it's 1 am and I need sleep so yeah (also forgive any grammar/spelling mistakes on this I really do need to 💤)

thank you for the ask !

#fullmetal alchemist #edward elric #winry rockbell #edwin #ed x winry #fma #fmab #answered

[ragsy]

47-60, and 66-70 for Beloved Dogmark, Beloved Dillion and Agent Hill because I think she’s hot

AUGH LIGHTNING ROUND. okay. rapid fire.

47. favorite type of cheese?

Mark: lactose intolerant :( Dillion: doesn't know what cheese is. WAIT, unless his people traditionally milked whales?? and made cheese from whale milk??? those are the only mammals that he would conceivably encounter. oh no. now i have thoughts. Hill: pepper jack. but like. the painfully hot kind

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

Mark: don't call him a fruit, he'll cry. but also-- peach. fragile and easily bruised, but has a hard center if you dig for it. Dillion: some sort of near-extinct heirloom apple variety that was only grown on some rich guy's lawn for a single generation before he went bankrupt and the variety disappeared Hill: beefsteak tomato. spiteful and acidic, but robust and tender.

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

Mark: oh fuck what a horrible night to have a curse. what a complete dogshit ass night for a curse. god what a fucking night, my dude. for a curse i mean. fuck this. Dillion: MY BOY, THIS PEACE IS WHAT ALL TRUE WARRIORS STRIVE FOR-- Hill: act first. apologize later.

The rest under the cut 👇👇

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

Mark: probably one of those things where he had just gotten out of a potentially very dangerous situation (a mugging, a car crash, a fire, etc) and, once he realized he was safe and everything was fine, all he could do was laugh. and laugh. and he doesn't laugh a lot. so people get very concerned. Dillion: over a meal with his party members. someone's just said something clever. he can't remember the last time he shared a moment like this with someone who cares for him just as much as he does for them. Hill: she just told someone to fuck around and find out. they just found out. she didn't even have to lift a finger.

51. current stresses?

Mark: has no job. has no money. has an anxiety disorder. is a dogman. doesn't know where he's sleeping tonight. Dillion: on a self-destructing planet with the distinct possibility that he can't save everyone Hill: has a malignant curse that is slowly turning her body into a mass of tentacles with minds of their own. also probably under investigation by the IRS

52. favorite font?

i'm gonna be real with you here, i don't think any of these three people have one. i don't even know if dillion knows what a font is

53. what is the current state of your hands?

Mark: nicked and scraped, dirt under his nails/claws. currently shoved in his pockets. Dillion: as manicured as he can manage, given his circumstances. currently gripping the hilt of his sword. Hill: scarred, knuckly, bruised. she keeps her nails as short as they'll go. currently only one of them-- lost the other one to the aforementioned curse.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

Mark: you are a peon whose only purpose is to keep your head down and do what you're told. Dillion: you are the specialest boy in the whole kingdom because you paid us a lot of money for this job title Hill: if you see someone shoplifting no you didn't

55. favorite fairy tale?

Mark: beauty and the beast Dillion: the little mermaid (or, rather, the undersea perspective version of it) Hill: little red riding hood

56. favorite tradition?

Mark: going camping in june for his birthday (which is actually in december) Dillion: traditional dishes from home. you KNOW cooking in a culture that spends 100% of its time submerged in water has gotta be some wild delicious shit Hill: new year's. it's the only holiday she ever really gets off, anyway

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

Mark: escaping a toxic relationship, surviving on his own, accepting himself for what he is Dillion: overly high self esteem, survivor's guilt (kinda still working on this one but he's made a lot of progress), speaking openly about his feelings to another person Hill: mostly extremely large monsters trying to eat her. there's been a lot of those

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

Mark: pretty good at making a campfire, has some sort of 6th sense for knowing if there's poison ivy nearby, has a bite force of 330 PSI and can run at about 30mph on all fours (idk if he's actually proud of those last two but he deserves to be) Dillion: big arm muscles. big abdominal muscles. big leg muscles. big heart. which is also a muscle. Hill: can keep a cool head in a dangerous situation, really good at arm wrestling, is a pretty good shot (was better when she had two hands, but she's still pretty good), encyclopedic knowledge of american sitcoms from between 1980 and 2005

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

Mark: "uh. uh-oh. oh no." Dillion: [clipping the microphone] "ONWARD, MY FRIEND!" Hill: "Alright, shitheads. Get on with it."

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Mark: slice of life romance (but with monsters) Dillion: i mean he was literally isekai'd, so, Hill: some sort of dark, mature, traditional cel-animated seinen

66. favorite flower(s)?

Mark: he doesn't think he has one, but it's totally magnolia blossom Dillion: anemones. but not the animal, the actual flower anemone Hill: sunflower

67. good luck charms?

Mark: his wristwatch. he's not sentimental with a lot of his belongings, but he will never, ever part with that watch. Dillion: the halberd cozy that Midas made for him Hill: the front door key to her house, from before her home town was destroyed by a monster attack

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Mark: he has NO spice tolerance. so literally anything remotely spicy Dillion: candles, before he learned that you're not supposed to eat them (even though they are on the table) (they don't have tables OR candles underwater) Hill: she's not one to waste a drink, but she tried an IPA at a bar once that was so gross she took one sip, stood up, and drove to the next state over.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Mark: the fastest way to hook up with someone is to go to some sort of queer meetup and yawn just enough for someone to notice his sharp teeth Dillion: he can swim with full plate armor on. don't worry about it Hill: vampires and draculas are two separate, convergently evolved species

70. left or right handed?

Mark: lefty Dillion: righty Hill: was a lefty, but that arm's the bad one. she trained herself well enough to be a righty though

#ragsycon exclusive #entropyking #WHEW good questions thank u #sir dillion #dogmark #agent hill #(who is also called sloane but i never made that publicly official)

[givemearmstopraywith]

Hi! I hope you're doing well! I was wondering if I could ask something about religion since you know much more about it and you have your own relationship with God but if you don't want to answer it or can't that's completely okay too, no pressure <3 so I've been battling with my own belief in god for a while now and i still don't really know how to answer the "do you believe in god" question and I've come to terms with that. But whenever I think that it would be nice to convert to one of the Abraham religions, I always stop myself because I can't reconcile religion with my lesbianism. It feels like I'm not allowed to believe in god or to be a part of a religion bc of my sexuality and I'm afraid that when people say that queerness is a sin in the eyes of god, they're right. The holy texts after all are against homosexuality or at least against the homosexual acts. I don't know how else to interpret them. It feels like I'm a doomed case and I don't really know what to do with this. I'm sorry if this is a lot, you don't have to answer of course if you don't want to. Thank you anyway, I hope you have a nice day <3

my queerness (i am a lesbian as well) felt like a huge impediment to my finding a place for myself in theology. then i realized that god calld me to theology because my voice was needed there: because change for the community doesn't happen without risk to the self. islam, judaism, and christianity are all historically kinder to queerness than they initially appear, or at least than it appears their current adherents would make them out. for instance in classical arabic and islam there existed mukhannathun, gender-variant people, without shame or guilt, accepted as innately queer and made this way by god; and there are eight genders in the talmud, six in rabbinical literature, and halacha recognizes intersex and non-conforming genders. the long thread of homosexual condemnation in the hebrew bible is, in all actuality, a condemnation of rape and incest. the events at sodom involve the people of sodom desiring non-consensual sexual contact with angels. the word angels in genesis 19 is malak, a messenger: this would be an act of defilement which, in hebrew esoteric tradition, is akin to that which caused the fall of angels from heaven. similarly in the new testament allusions to homosexuality are made in the context of worshipping other gods, participating in temple prostitution, or incest; it is not the act itself which is condemned because it is inherently homosexual or deviant, but rather the intention behind the act that is wrong.

contemporary praxis has lost this ease with bodies, although contemporary theology struggles to retrieve it. if god is calling you to faith, he will not ask you to abandon your body- nor your desires, your love, your pleasure, your instinct, your intuition. these too are holy. misuse and abuse is not. god made you in his image. no person can truly deny the goodness of god that is present in you. they may attempt it but such is only words and inherently loveless. the apostle paul writes that if i speak in the tongues of men or of angels [if i now all the scriptures and they are inscribed on my heart] but have not love, i am only a resounding gong or a clanging symbol. if i have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, i am nothing. go where you see love reflected to you. god is there. if you see love in personal study and belief, god is there. i am not part of a formal religion for reasons other than my queerness, and i don't feel this inhibits my relationship with god; i know i will get there someday. but if organized religion is something to which you strongly feel god is calling you, trust him: in a very practical sense, there are lgbtq affirming churches, mosques, and synagogues that will identify themselves as such- i highly encourage you to see if anything like this exists in your area, or if there are any that offer online worship. reach out to religious leaders here and talk to them: they will always, always, be happy to speak to you. anyone who is without love does not know god.

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