#and since i do believe melina is their other child

[malefilus]

Marika having even the slightest of knowledge that the Night of Black Knives was going to take place makes everything that follows even more messed up.

For the sake of this post let's say that she knew. She knew that someone was setting up to steal the Rune of Death. She also knew that it was either Rykard or Ranni. But instead of upping security, instead of moving it, instead of doing anything to maybe stop this from occurring she sat by and let it happen. Played ignorant to the machinations because she, too, was fed up with everything. This would work into her own distaste for everything happening without her having to lift a finger.

The Rune gets stolen, and Marika is throughout the lore and game as we know presented as an incredibly smart woman. There's no way she wouldn't know that the rune wouldn't be used against one of her own. After all that would make the biggest impact on the way things were going. It would have the best chance of altering things.

That would mean she willfully allowed for something to be taken that would inevitably be used against one of her own children and allowed it. She accepted that that would have to take place for her own desires to come to fruition as well.

So does that make it worse...her actions afterward? Does it make it more understandable or does it make more unforgivable?

#i also kind of believe that Godwyn was her favorite child that she had #because we can see that her marriage to Radagon wasn't really a good one #all lore dialogue we get of her she's mildly dunking on radagon #while her marriage to godfrey seemed a little less antagonistic #so her love for miquella and malenia is pretty much not present at all #and since i do believe melina is their other child #it seems she put a lot on melina to become what she needs her to be for once agian #her own machinations and plans #but godwyn came from godfrey #and he came out flawlessly #no matter which kid had died that night i think she would have still reacted the way she did #because it was most definitely an action she'd been wanting to do for a long time #and now had a very solid reason #elden ring #marika the eternal

[transpersian]

hi, I came to your blog from the masterpost because i was wondering about all the broken links and if you’d deleted the posts. please forgive me if i’m out of line on any of this especially seeing as i’m a stranger, and feel free to ignore this ask if you don’t feel comfortable answering.

firstly, i want to say that i’m so sorry about your situation at the moment and the state of your mental health. as someone who also has bpd i can understand the long term devastation and the piling up of things making that so much worse. I’m glad you made the choice to separate yourself from something that’s causing you more pain and stress, and I hope that it helps you heal. my heart goes out to you.

not gonna dump on you here or anything, but i’m someone who has reached out to an abuser of mine after years had gone by, and reconnected. i forgave this person and we are still in contact. while I don’t excuse their abuse or forgive those actions specifically, I have grown enough to understand that we were both very young and very mentally ill, and we have both grown and learned a lot since then.

i tell you this because i very much empathise with your decision to speak with poppy again. from reading what happened to you, it’s clear you never got any closure and I hope that you at least gain that from her if nothing else.

my take on poppy is that she is very fragile and doesn’t do well coping and treating her mental illnesses. i empathise with her jealousy and feel of being abandoned or replaced. she doesn’t seem to me like an irredeemable or bad person, but she has done some very bad, abusive and inexcusable things that she needs to take accountability for. personally, i do not think she is healthy enough for a relationship at this time and especially not a poly one. she MOST DEFINITELY should not be in a parental or caregiver role to anyone, especially not those significantly younger than her. (zena, on the other hand, gives me huge TOXIC ABUSER DO NOT INTERACT OR APPROACH EVER signals, but that’s just my personal impression.)

sorry, i am rambling at this point but the original point i was trying to get across here is that the anons in your inbox telling you you’re a bad person or an abuse apologist for being in contact with poppy need to try to understand that the situation is so much more complicated and nuanced than what we are seeing from the outside. you’re doing what you need to do to heal and i believe that you should be free to do so without judgement (as long as you aren’t causing any harm, which it doesn’t appear that you are as of right now).

talking to her doesn’t mean you’re excusing what she’s done to you or even forgiving it, and it certainly doesn’t mean you’re excusing the horrible things she’s done to her child.

thank you for sharing your story, and thank you for being a safe space for survivors and others that have been hurt. you seem to me like a very strong and compassionate woman. take care of yourself, melina. your kind heartedness and inner strength have given me hope as a survivor of sa and abuse.

Thank you, anon.

I don't get asks like this very often these days. You wouldn't believe the number of asks I've gotten literally accusing me of betraying all of the people who trusted me (including and especially the survivors) literally just because I "wanted to ERP" with Poppy, which is... mind-boggling.

Even some of my own (former) friends don't understand what you've said here. So I needed this.

Thank you. 💜

#zenaandpoppy #poppy and zena #milena

[carian-noble]

Three Sisters; A Shattered Bloodline

(This a rewrite of the old post; As I've had many changes in understanding and wanted to make a better written post!)

Before you Read:

Most of this post is guesswork. Most if not everything covering the Three Sisters and Caria Manor is entirely guessing due to severe lack of content and information. This is possible to change after a DLC, but that is highly unlikely. But if so, this post will be edited to accommodate or remade again.

Introduction:

The Three Sisters' Rise is a location in Elden Ring in upper western Liurnia. It is the current location of Ranni the Witch and her entourage. It is also the current location where she is plotting her takedown of the Golden Order and removing the Greater Will's connection to the world.

However, most people, like me, were confused. Three Sister's? Who are the others?

Who are the Three Sisters?

To put it simply; there is no information on who the other two are. Quite literally none, but I will attempt to explain.

Ranni the Witch:

To put a long story short, Ranni is the daughter of Rennala and Radagon who took an interest in the moon such as her mother did. From there she had a mentor who was an old snow witch who taught Ranni all about magic, surreptitiously.

From Adulthood, Ranni presumably grew resentful of the Golden Order and especially the Greater Will. She was chosen by the Two Fingers to become an Empyrean, a possible successor to Queen Marika. Since, she has been guided by her own Two Fingers and watched by Blaidd, who is a Half-Wolven man who is also her adoptive brother.

After many years pass, Ranni forms an assassin group of Numen who stealth the Rune of Death from Maliketh. Then the Night of the Black Knives commences in which Godwyn was killed and the Cursemark of Death was carved into his back and presumably at the same time, Ranni committed suicide on top of the Liurnia divine tower and transposed her to soul inside of a doll.

Now Ranni resides at Caria Manor alongside Saluvis, Iji and Blaidd.

Additionally, Melina and Ranni seem to be connected in some way. Which I will get into soon.

Renna:

Renna is a character that is mentioned only once in the entire game, by Ranni when you first meet her. The reason why is unknown, but regardless Renna's Rise is also one of the towers in the Three Sisters.

I've seen people suggest that Renna is the snow witch that taught Ranni, mostly due to the fact the Snow Witch Set is found in that rise. However, I'm not so sure. Renna is literally Rennala with to less letters and something that is very common in Elden Ring is familial names being passed down. (Godfrey to Godwyn to Godefroy to Godrick and Marika to Melania, Miquella, Mohg and Morgott.) So, either it is the largest coincidence in the game or Renna is the child of Rennala, as Ranni is also very similar to Rennala. Same to how Radahn and Rykard are similar. So I have a hard time believing Renna is the snow witch as it's never suggested she is Ranni's sister(mostly because she's described a crone when Ranni was a child.)

Regardless, the question is, do we see Renna in game? And my answer is, no. It's highly unlikely as all of Rennala and Radagon's children seem to be red of hair and the only other one we see not related to Rennala is Malenia but we know she is the child of Radagon and Marika.

Third Sister:

So to start off. This will be the most speculative and guess-filled part of the post. 90% of the information I present is based on almost nothing and might seem ridiculous but it's all I have.

The Third Sister is a character we never hear about. She doesn't even have a name in her rise as it's been taken over by Seluvis. So, what's my guess on who the third sister is...? While I have almost no confidence in this, my best guess has to be Melina. She is the only other character to be shown to know Ranni and seemingly based on wording, Ranni respects Melina to some respect to the point she knows Torrent and Melina can entrust Ranni to give us a Bell.

So, what are my best guesses to explain this? Well, the biggest guess is that it's possible that Melina is the child of Rennala but her memories have been altered. Already, Melina and Ranni have something very special about them in their eye markings, which Melina resemble three fingers and on Ranni, hers also resembles three fingers but even more vaguely. The also biggest connection here is the fact that Melina and Ranni's spectral face match up perfectly.

I feel as if this is almost if not is proof they are familially related. While not a perfect match in the nose or eyes, it's obvious that the intention was that they are supposed to share the same features.

I also am aware this comparison uses the much higher quality Ranni model from the trailer but I feel that further increases the intention factor as if even here they match so well, it's even more intentional.

So if this is the definitive proof we're looking for, why does Melina remember her mother giving her instructions in the Erdtree? Wouldn't her mother be Rennala? Also why is her name Melina, shouldn't it start with at least an R?

And the answer to that is, well, there's only guesses. Anything could've happened here. My best guess is that she was birthed at a time when Marika and Radagon were fused. If true, this puts the entire timeline in question, but it's my only guess since all of this is so confusing.

You could be asking how that's possible and I'll give the excuse that the Marika quote in her bedchamber is just an echo from long ago and long ago could be 20 years or 300 years ago. And the time between Godfrey being exiled and Radagon becoming Marika's second husband is unknown. Meaning anything could have happened.

Yes, I am aware how much of a crackpot theory this is. I'm not even sure I believe it myself. However, I am basing this on literally nothing but guesses trying to make this make sense.

________________________________________________

If you read this, thanks! I'm sorry for such a confusing and seemingly inconclusive post but since release, these characters have been something I've been interesting in exploring so I hope you enjoy.

#Elden Ring #Elden Ring lore #Soulsborne #Soulsborne Lore

[cptn-stvngrntrgrs]

I keep thinking of alexei and Melina interacting with Romanogers babies!!!! 😭😭😭 and yelena as the fun aunt that makes fun of their parents, and I definitely see alexei joining 😭😭 I think Melina would be so gentle with them, teaching them science, showing them animals and I just 😭😭😭

hi anon -YES OMGGG -but was that a prompt because it sure sounded like a prompt!

anyways, here ya go!

Title: turns out i got two

Relationship: Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanoff

Summary:

My whole life I didn't think I have any family. Turns out I got two.

Adventures with both sides of Natasha's family!

ft. romanogers babies, cool Aunt Yelena, Grandpa Alexei and Grandma Melina, and more!

Also on AO3!

“Shhh, don’t wake up your mama!”

Natasha crinkled her nose at the noise around her, still partly muted from the nap she was just waking up from. She wasn’t sure what time it was - just that she closed her eyes in the middle of an old movie and she Steve were watching, knowing damn well it was just background noise while they cuddled in silence. One thing she knew for sure was that she was alone on the couch now but a blanket was draped over her. Giggles erupted next to her ear and she fought against a smile tugging at her lips.

“I think mama’s awake anyway,” a voice answered, an obviously failed attempt at a whisper.

“I think she’s still sleeping,” Natasha joked, peeking an eye open and seeing James right in front of her. He was grinning ear to ear, but there were specks of mud on his face. “James? Did you not listen to Nana and played with the pigs again ?” Fully awake now, Natasha sat up and took James’ face in her hands, leaning in to kiss his forehead. He giggled, throwing his arms around Natasha’s neck for a hug. “Honey,” Natasha pulled away fractionally, “you smell stinky.”

James nervously laughed and tried to explain. “I might have fallen in the pen.” Natasha narrowed her eyes, seeing right through her son’s lie. She didn’t have to be a spy to know that he’s lying - and, judging by the sheepish smile on his face, James knew he can’t fool his mother either.

“Whatever happened to watching him?” Natasha asked Alexei, her voice stern but teasing. No matter how many rules for the kids she tried to establish, it seems that they go out the window once the grandparents are in charge. She knows it should annoy her, yet she can’t help but find it cute. Melina and Alexei are only lenient on the little things anyway, respecting major rules that Steve and Natasha has laid out for their kids.

Looking up from the newspaper he was reading at the kitchen counter, Alexei’s eyes widened. “What do you want me to do! He said he fell! Right, James?” Alexei argued, throwing his hands up and winking - obviously wanting James to make his mom believe that he didn’t deliberately play with his grandma’s experiment - er, pet - pigs. James giggled and nodded, loving his little game with his grandfather. Natasha’s convinced the two of them spending so much time together will drive her to an early grave.

“Yeah, I don’t think even your dad could be convinced of that, bud. Go, take a shower please.” He nodded and ran up the stairs to the bathroom. Yawning and stretching her arms, Natasha turned to Alexei. “What time did you guys get back? And where’s everyone else?” She eyed the clock and saw that it was nearing 7pm. Melina and Alexei took James and Sarah to the Cleveland Zoo earlier in the day, insisting that the kids stop by there before they go back to New York the next day.

Melina and Alexei’s farm in the suburbs of Cleveland became a frequent vacation spot for Steve, Natasha, and the kids. Ever since the Red Room was taken down, Melina and Alexei decided to go back to Ohio and settle down - if that’s what they want to call it. The two have been working with Yelena in tracking down more Widows and other victims of the Red Room - as well as running covert ops in taking down child-trafficking rings - from their farm. Yelena is more of a nomad - being more active in the field by traveling all over the world, although she usually stops by the farm or Natasha and Steve’s house in New York.

“We only have been here for an hour. Steve’s helping Melina with some stuff in the back. Sarah does not want to leave her grandmother’s side,” Alexei smiled fondly. Sarah has thoroughly stolen her grandfather’s heart and it shows.

Natasha nodded, checking her phone for messages. “Is Yelena stopping by? The kids haven’t seen her in a while.”

“Eh, you know her. She might, she might not.” Natasha looked up at that, narrowing her eyes at him. Alexei put his hands up again. “I don’t know. She said she will try. I did not want to put the kids’ hopes up so I did not tell them.”

Natasha smirked. “That sounds like her.” She stood up and headed to the back door to see if she could spot Sarah and Steve. The little girl is sitting on the back of a pony, with Melina standing next to her with a hand perched on her back - although Natasha has a rising suspicion that the pony is a little bit too behaved for a regular farm animal. And Steve is - oh - now breaking logs in half. For what, Natasha isn’t sure, but all she knows is that he makes a damn good sight to see.

“I used to look like that, you know. Maybe even bigger.” Alexei, who Natasha didn’t notice have moved next to her, suddenly piped up, seemingly following her line of sight. “Your mom - you know, those years we lived here - she liked it, I could tell.” Natasha wrinkled her nose, frowning as she looked up at Alexei. “What, what? I’m just saying. He’s not the only super soldier in the house. I’m just saying. I put on some weight but I still look good, no? Melina still thinks so.”

“Okay, calm down. I don’t really need all the gory details.” Natasha shook her head, looking back at Steve. He’s almost through his pile of whole logs, his shirt now almost completely drenched in sweat.

“But that’s my point - there are still gory details,” Alexei winked at Natasha’s overly-dramatic shudder. “You know. If you two need more weekends alone, Melina and I don’t mind having the kids over. You just have to tell us.”

Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, Natasha turned to meet Alexei’s eyes. “Ha ha, I get it. As weird as what you’re trying to say - thank you. I appreciate it, really.” He grinned, his right arm reaching around Natasha to envelop her in a one-arm hug. It took a while for Natasha to let Alexei start hugging her again, and once she did, he never let a moment to do so pass.

Natasha caught Sarah’s eyes when the latter looked up, waving with her free hand. She heard Sarah squeal and say something to Melina, who nodded at the little girl. Sarah brought her arms out and was lifted off the pony by her grandmother before making a mad dash to the back door where Natasha was standing. Alexei slid the door open just in time to hear the “Mommy!!!” screech coming from Sarah, with said little girl running into her mom’s open arms.

“Hi honey! How was your time at the zoo today?” Natasha asked while hugging Sarah tightly. The little girl hugged her back with all her might before letting go, excited to answer her mom’s question.

“I had so much fun! Grandma taught me about animals!”

“Go on, tell your mama which one is your favorite,” Alexei prodded, reaching down to help straighten Sarah’s hair.

“I liked the monkeys! They remind me of Rocky,” the girl replied, making Natasha sputter. Ah, yes. Sarah and her ever-fascination with Rocket Raccoon will never not amuse any of the other Avengers.

“Make sure to tell him that, honey,” Steve suddenly piped up, having walked back with Melina. He stood next to Natasha and planted to swift kiss to her lips.

Natasha wrinkled her nose, flicking his arm. “You stink, go shower after your son,” she waved him off, sending him laughing up to their room to get changed.

“And do you remember what animal group monkeys are a part of?” Melina asked, kneeling on one knee next to Sarah.

Sarah paused for a minute, scrunching up her brows in the same way as Steve often would when thinking - something Natasha would often tease him about - before answering. “Primates!”

This made Melina beam and kiss her forehead before standing up. “Very good, baby! You’re the smartest little girl I know!” she praised, making Sarah giggle. Turning to Natasha and Alexei, she inclined her head to the kitchen. “Come on, dinner should be ready soon.”

Once Steve and James got back and helped set the table, they all gathered around the table to eat. Melina made Borscht and Stroganoff - both of which are favorites of James and Sarah. They were laughing about how Sarah tried to ride one of the ponies at the zoo thinking it would be as tame as Melina’s pony, only to have it get spooked and run away when the doorbell rang. The adults all exchanged a look as Alexei stood up to answer the door.

“Who’s that grandma?” James asked, glancing up before taking a bite of his food.

“Your favorite aunt, it’s who!” A voice bellowed, followed by a tapping of feet.

“Auntie Yelena!” Both children chorused, rushing out of their seats to greet their aunt before she even reached the kitchen. “Fanny!” they squealed once the dog found them and started circling their feet.

Yelena walked into the kitchen with Sarah and James latched on both of her sides, Fanny following right on their heels. “Hello, everybody. Thanks for not waiting for me before eating,” she deadpanned.

“We didn’t even know you were coming.” Melina answered, scooping more soup into Steve’s bowl.

Yelena’s mouth dropped. “Natasha knew! I texted her. This is so unfair,” she huffed and sat down on the available seat next to Steve once the kids let go of her.

“What? I wanted it to be a surprise!” Natasha argued, smirking at her sister. “Isn’t that what you would’ve wanted?” she asked before eating a spoonful of Stroganoff. Yelena pouted, taking a piece of bread and biting into it.

Conversation flowed nicely throughout dinner, and it wasn’t until everyone moved into the living room while eating dessert did Yelena start braiding Sarah’s hair. “Are you ever going to color your hair, honey?” She asked, her fingers swiftly yet delicately weaving through the little girl’s hair.

“Oh please, Yelena, she’s six. Don’t give her any ideas,” Natasha waved her off, passing the bowl of ice cream to Steve.

Melina laughed, getting everyone’s attention. “It’s funny you say that, you know. Considering you would put temporary dyes in Yelena’s hair when you were younger. Not to mention your blue hair,” she nudged Alexei’s side, making him snort. “Remember?”

Steve looked at Natasha, his mouth dropping fractionally. “You had blue hair?” That got James’ attention too, as he turned to them from the TV.

Natasha narrowed her eyes at Melina before looking at Steve. “You’ve seen me with how many different hair colors already?”

“Yes, but that’s different because those are for missions, so it doesn’t mean the same. You had honest-to-god blue hair?” he tried asking again.

“Didn’t you bring the photo album with you, mama?” Yelena asked, looking up at Melina.

Melina nodded and stood up from the couch, plucking the album from one of her bookshelves. “Here, see?” She brought it over to where Steve and Natasha were sitting, setting it on the coffee table in front of them.

The photo album looked worn but the pictures were still clear, surprisingly. It contained the tale of their undercover family in Ohio, yet it all felt very real. Steve smiled softly at a young Natasha - he’s seen some of this pictures before, but the photobooth shots of a young her and Yelena have been new additions to the album. He figured they might have had it restored because it looked crisp and blown up.

“Wow, she wasn’t kidding. You did have blue hair,” he remarked, making Natasha glare at him. “What? It looks good! You looked so… punk.”

“She does have a flair for the dramatic,” Yelena agreed, tying Sarah’s braid in place. “There, all done! Show your mama.”

Sarah skipped to Natasha’s side, showing off her new braid and getting praises from her parents. She looked down to where everyone was looking at, noting the pictures for the first time. “Is that you, Aunt Yelena?” she pointed to a picture of a little girl holding a box in front of a tree.

Yelena knelt down next to the table to look at which photo she was pointing at and stifled a laugh. The ends of her hair in that picture have tints of pink in them, probably from one of Natasha’s so-called “experiments” back then - where she would usually test out a color on Yelena’s hair too before committing all of it on hers. She nodded at Sarah, “Yes, honey, that’s me. That’s your mom next to me.” she pointed at where a young Natasha was smiling brightly at the camera.

“Your hair looked like candy!”

Looking smug, Yelena leaned back to look at her sister in the eye, who was already shaking her head. “Well, honey, it’s a good thing your mom knows a lot about hair colors.”

Steve snorted at the inside joke between them just as Sarah started rattling off a list of colors she wants to try. It sounds like she might just be listing every color she can recall, but Yelena knows Natasha has at least found her new muse to experiment hair colors with.

#romanogers #stevenat #steve rogers #natasha romanoff #fanfic #my fic #post-endgame #black widow #anon #captain america #this turned really mushy #might make this multi-chaptered #if u guys send me prompts for other adventures haha #kinda connects with my other fics #avengers #marvel #yelena boleva #melina vostokoff #alexei shoskatoff #red guardian #iron maiden #mcu #james rogers #sarah rogers #rocket raccoon

[theshipsfirstmate]

Black Widow Fic: No Time Left to Start Again

Post-BW, between the end and the post-credits. Yelena Belova faces life after The Snap.

No Time Left to Start Again (AO3 - wc: 4983)

She looks down to see her hands disintegrating -- fingers floating away like the wispy tufts of the dandelions that grew in their front yard in Ohio -- and Yelena thinks, Is this a cool way to die?

The question is still on her mind when she comes to, even though she’ll find out later that five years have passed since she started wondering. 

She puts the pieces together as fast as she can, even though each one only makes the picture more grim. She learns she was lucky to be in the Widows’ safe house in Istanbul when it happened, even if the rancid smell of the rotted fridge makes her gag and there’s a hole in the ceiling and straight through the floor from a bathtub left running. 

She learns that the best estimates say it was half of the population that floated away with her that day, and has now returned just as abruptly. The world wasn't ready for them to go, and it is even less prepared for them to return. Cities are plunged into chaos in an instant, governments and aid organizations just starting to steady themselves after half a decade of desolation get the rug pulled out from them once again.

She learns that her phone still works, even if internet service is shit, thanks to dwindling maintenance and overloaded servers. She learns that the Avengers are fighting a war for the fate of the universe (again), somewhere in upstate New York. And she learns, quickly, where she needs to go next.

“Малышка.”

Melina greets her at the gate with an unexpected softness -- so different than the last time -- and Yelena wonders if the woman has simply spent the last five years alone with her pigs, if they've felt any different than the twenty before. Then, Alexi steps out the door behind her, and she realizes that they have. 

“So, neither of you…” Yelena starts to ask as they let her in, though she doesn't really have to. She can see the years on them both, and for a moment, she's a child with a family once again.

My mother is going grey at her temples. My father's glasses are thicker than they used to be. 

They both have deeper crinkles at the corners of their eyes and Yelena finds herself hoping that it’s laughter that’s left them there.

“For five years we've been on our own,” Alexi answers, but he can't help himself a little smirk before he continues, “and moss grows fat on a rolling stone.”

He doesn't smell so bad this time, when he wraps her in a bear hug. Mercifully, he's shaved and taken to civilian clothes -- she decides to keep to herself how much she dislikes his new handlebar mustache.

“You did?” Melina guesses, and Yelena nods her agreement into Alexi’s chest before he relents and lets her go.

When she turns back to face the question, she finds herself on the receiving end of a look that feels equal parts discerning and maternal. That too, she remembers from her childhood.

“Are you alright?”

“I seem to be,” Yelena answers, gesturing down to her hands, tangible once more. There won't be an answer that satisfies the woman scientifically, she’ll have to be proof enough. “I don't remember any of it.”

What she truly doesn't expect from Melina is a hug, and it's even more surprising when it’s fiercer and longer than Alexi’s. A beat too long, Yelena realizes slowly. Alexi turns away when she tries to meet his eye, and her stomach turns over with dread.

Something else has happened. Something she doesn't know yet. Something worse.

“The report came over my comms just an hour or so before you got here,” Melina says softly, an arm reaching up to stroke the back of Yelena’s head, just like she did when she was a toddler. “It's over. The Avengers have won.”

There's the sound of splintering wood and both women step back sharply, turning to see Alexi clutching a handful of splinters that used to be the back of a dining room chair. He drops them to the ground and strides back out the door, pointedly not looking at either of them, and Yelena tastes bile in the back of her mouth. 

“What else?” She tries and fails to stop herself from asking the question. It comes out on a choked kind of half-breath.

“Tony Stark is dead.” Melina answers, dropping her eyes, an uncharacteristic waver in her voice. “And it's been... harder to confirm, but we are almost certain that Natasha is too.”

In the Red Room, after the treatments, there would be a buzzing in your ears for days, like static from an old radio. Widows in training were known to be disciplined after missing commands, and would do their best to shake it off as quickly as possible, but Yelena sometimes welcomed the fuzzy silences, the chance to try and focus inward, no matter how painful.

This is nothing like that.

This is a heartbreak in a cry, a desperate, wailing sound that builds and builds, cutting through the quiet isolation of the farm compound like a knife. It's only when it gets muffled by Melina wrapping her up in her arms once more, that Yelena realizes she's the one making it.

“Малышка,” her mother whispers again -- my baby -- and Yelena can’t tell if it’s meant for her or not.

They sit around the table again that night, but dinner consists only of vodka and memories and they all try -- and fail -- not to notice the empty chair closest to the windows, the one with the broken back. 

“Oh, I hated that blue hair!” Melina admits with a watery chuckle, paging through the photo album when their second bottle is nearly gone. “But she was so good at getting what she wanted.”

“You know, I begged her to dye mine too,” Yelena shares, recalling a long-forgotten memory that means something completely different now. “She said no, that she wouldn't let me be spoiled.”

Alexi interrupts the reverie before she goes too deep, laughter overtaking him as he pokes at Melina’s arm. “I remember the night she did it. You came to bed and you were so fed up, you cried! She made you cry!”

“And I punched you for laughing at me, do you remember that too?” Melina fires back, swatting his hand away.

When she was old enough to realize what had happened to her as a child, Yelena remembers scouring her memories for real moments, signs of genuine affection between the family she hadn’t known enough to question. It was difficult then, to believe any of it had been real. But sometimes now, it's not so hard.

“The only reason I was glad we left when we did, was because I knew I could never have handled her as a teenager,” Melina muses then, but there's little humor left in her voice. Yelena wonders if her face darkens in the same way as her mother’s when they think of that day on the airstrip.

It's quiet for a long moment, but Alexi never stops looking at Melina. Yelena's head is heavy from liquor and tears and she rests it on folded arms as she watches them. (Sometimes, it's not so hard to believe.)

“You didn't want to go,” her father says, low and mournful. “I should have listened.”

“You followed the orders,” her mother answers. “What was the alternative? They would have killed us and taken the girls back if we had made even one misstep.”

None of them had a way out, Yelena thinks, they never had. A super soldier and a Widow, weapons both, with daughters destined to follow in their footsteps. Maybe that's still true. Maybe there is no peace when all you've ever known is war.

But they'd had each other.

“It was real,” she murmurs, as her eyes drift closed. “Natasha said it was real.”

-----

A public memorial for Tony Stark is held on the National Mall. Steve Rogers is consecrated at the Smithsonian, again. But no one seems to know quite what to do about Natasha Romanov. The Black Widow, the female Avenger, the Russian-born assassin, only claimed by America, it seemed, when they wanted to accuse her of treason.

Still, Yelena flies to Washington DC, half-curious and half-desperate to burn off the fog she’s been wandering around in since Melina’s suspicions had been confirmed. 

Captain America, the new one, had announced the events on a world-wide broadcast -- making a point to mention Natasha by name, Yelena had noticed -- and so she heads to the museum first, though she's not entirely sure what she hopes to learn. The Avengers have saved the world several times over, but those conflicts are usually reduced to heroic platitudes when it comes to the public, and she expects this to be no different.

She's mostly right, but the exhibit is worth it for a few glimpses of Natasha fighting alongside the Captain, scattered throughout the pictures and video of the Avengers’ years together. That's how she finds herself in a darkened theater, watching a compilation of newsreel footage, broadcasts and shaky cell phone shots, the valiant timeline of Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.

She feels him sit down beside her, catches the glint of metal in the sleeve of his leather jacket before she can even clock his face. Her nerves are instinctively on edge, but if he came for combat, they’d already be in it, so she stays still and quiet, waiting to follow his lead.

“ты сестра?” he asks softly. You're the sister?

Yelena turns to face him, the question and answer on her lips. But the Winter Soldier speaks again before she does.

“She showed me the pictures once. From when you were kids.”

Yelena couldn't count them if she tried, the nights she spent in the Red Room, rubbing a finger along the torn seam of her photo strip, willing the thought that Natasha was out there somewhere, holding the other half, to be enough to comfort her enough to sleep.

She turns away before he can see the tears in her eyes, but it’s no use -- they’re there in her throat when she speaks.

“They didn't even know her.” She nods back to the crowded museum and hopes he can grasp her meaning. There’s no way Natasha can be properly memorialized by government officials, who knew her as little more than a recon file, or the adoring public, who only thought of her when the world was ending.

“She liked it that way.” He means it as a comfort, but still, it makes Yelena flinch.

He notices, and she knows he understands when he tries again. “They were never gonna do her justice.”

The world never would, never could, Yelena thinks. A spy. A sister. A survivor. A lost girl, who fought her whole life for the kind of peace she’d never allow herself. These are not the people who get parades in their honor, holidays in their name. 

“I will,” she says, and the stubborn tears win their battle, spilling down her cheeks. “I will do her justice.”

The Winter Soldier nods, with as much of a smile as he seems to allow himself. “I hope you will.”

Then he's gone, back the way he came, and Yelena thinks it's time to leave this city, with its buttoned-up bureaucracy and privatized secrets.

She doesn't care much about the Stark memorial, but skirts around the periphery on her way back to the airfield, catching a glimpse of the enormous photos and expensive-looking displays.

Natasha’s in these too, off to the side or just out of focus. It's starting to wear on her, the way these people seem to barely even notice the Black Widow, how quick they are to disregard one of their greatest heroes because she didn't fly or transform or wield some mystical weapon.

Shouldn’t that have made her even more impressive?

She's standing in front of a tribute to the Battle of New York just beside the bridge, weighing that unanswerable question, hands clenched unconsciously to fists, when Valentina finds her.

“I've been looking for you.” It sounds more like a taunt. I found you.

Yelena scoffs. “Probably a bad idea, if you know anything about me.”

“Oh, babe, believe me. I know plenty,” the woman answers, offering up that ridiculous name, a business card and a tone that's too familiar for Yelena's liking.

She's not to be trusted. That would be clear even to the Red Room’s youngest and most naive recruit. But it's this gleeful performance of espionage, or maybe villainy, that keeps Yelena from writing her off entirely. From the outfit to the attitude, she's either insane or untouchable. Or both.

And then: “So I have some… let's call it interesting information about your sister.”

Yelena clenches her fists tighter, digging her fingernails into her palm. “I don't believe you.”

Valentina seems to anticipate this, and is already reaching into her bag at the answer. She pulls out a thin, soft-bound book, printed with colorful block lettering: Parkside Elementary School, ‘95-’96.

Instantly, Yelena feels like someone's tightening a vice around her ribcage. “No.”

The woman shrugs, with that haughty grin she's already starting to loathe. “See for yourself.” 

She flips it open, turning only a few pages to find the first grade classes, and there she is. Six years old. An innocent smile on her face and a fake last name beneath her picture. Orange juice spots on the collar of her shirt -- Melina had scolded her when they brought the photos home. 

“How did you get this?” Even if it's a fake, it was done by someone who knows far too much.

“Well, you don't trust me, so I won't bother telling you,” Valentina snaps, taking the book back before she can look for Natasha. “Let’s call it proof that I know a lot of people who have been keeping a lot of secrets.”

Yelena tries to look unimpressed, dropping her shaking hands to her sides when she realizes they're giving her away. “You and me both.” 

“Ha! No kidding,” Valentina replies. It's not actually a laugh. “That's exactly why we're gonna work so well together.”

Maybe it's the grief clouding her judgement or residual conditioning left over in her frontal lobe. Maybe it's the unspoken threat to the rest of her family. Or maybe she was just born for this -- a soldier like her father, an assassin like her mother. Whatever it is, Yelena can feel herself agreeing to Valentina’s “offer” before she's even made it explicit.

“We'll start you out small,” the woman assures, but she knows better than to be comforted. “How do you feel about some light arson? There’s some documents and hard drives at a warehouse in Bethesda that need disappearing.”

“Fine,” Yelena answers, ears already buzzing, as a small voice in her head sings along. Fire is the devil's only friend.

-----

When the money from her first job comes in, she buys an old Chevy C/K and drives to Akron, with a useless hope to disappear again. She's lucky enough to find a modest apartment with a kind neighbor who's always happy to dogsit, which becomes a blessing -- Valentina’s demands only increase as the corners of her fake smile tighten. 

But it's enough. Enough that when Yelena thinks about home, she can once again think of Ohio.

Not long after, Alexi and Melina keep a promise she’d asked them to make, and return for a few days. She picks them up at the airfield, and drives to the spot she and Fanny found on one of their long walks together -- under the trees that are just starting to blossom with pink flowers.

Alexi lifts the heavy gravestone from the back of the truck and places it at the end of a row, under a tree, where the ground can't be dug up anyway. 

“Toughest girls in the world,” Yelena hears him murmur as he runs his hand over the inscription.

Melina hasn't spoken much since they landed. Yelena thought at first that she didn't want to come back, but when she closes her eyes and takes in a deep, shuddering breath as they stand facing the grave marker, she understands that it isn't that at all.

“Big girl,” her mother begins with an uncharacteristic, watery softness, and Yelena is transported back to another lifetime once again. “I’m so sorry...”

There might be more to say, but the long, mournful silence is broken by the sound of another car pulling up. All three of them go on alert, until Yelena spots a familiar flash of metal from the driver's side.

“не волнуйся,” she says, still stepping defensively in front of her mother. “It’s OK.”

The Winter Soldier -- Sergeant Barnes, she reminds herself -- parks and exits quickly, moving to the rear of the car to help an elderly man step out and straighten himself.

He isn't what Yelena expected, but once he's at full posture, it's impossible not to recognize him. He's the man from the news, the internet, all the posters — give or take a few decades.

“Captain America.” Under normal circumstances, she might chuckle at Alexi’s awed whisper.

“Forgive us for interrupting,” the Captain says by way of a greeting. He sounds like him, too, so it must be true. “And, in advance, for not explaining. I just… I thought both of her families should be here.”

“If that's OK,” Barnes adds with a look, first at Captain Rogers, then back at the family.

Yelena nods her acceptance, but feels her heart sink a little when Melina turns back silently to face the gravestone. Only Alexi steps forward, extending his arm, first to the captain, then to his comrade.

“Alexi Shostakov,” he offers. “You probably don’t…”

“The Red Guardian,” Captain Rogers interrupts, and Yelena tries not to let her eyes go wide as they shake hands proudly. “The Soviet super soldier. Of course I know who you are.”

Alexi puffs his chest up for just a moment, and gives himself a pleased nod, before returning to Melina’s side. It's proof of his grief, Yelena thinks, that that's the end of it.

Then it's her turn. “You must be Yelena.”

“Captain.” She nods once and then twice, looking past him. “Sergeant.”

“Buck mentioned you two had run into each other in Washington,” the older man says with a well-worn, knowing smile.

“I would say we're glad to have you,” she offers as a reply, “but now I'm mostly worried that I'm not covering my tracks as well as I should.”

“Don't worry about that,” Captain Rogers replies, with a shake of his head. “I had to call in multiple favors to find you. Big ones, too.”

“Well then,” she sighs, “I guess I should say I'm sorry you went through all that trouble.”

Another small smile, and then the captain steps closer, lowering his voice almost conspiratorially. It strikes her that, while he's likely still one of the most powerful men in the universe, there's nothing about him that feels threatening to her.

“I don't know if you've noticed,” he tells her, “but I'm getting up there in years. Why don't you save us both a lot of time from now on, and only bother saying what you mean.”

He means it as a kindness, Yelena can tell, but there's only one question she wants to ask, and it's screaming in her mind like a klaxon horn.

“Will you...” she begins, stopping to swallow when her throat turns to sandpaper. “Will you tell us what happened?”

“Yelena,” Melina says sharply, and she almost takes it back. But she knows the curiosity will eat her from the inside out if she doesn't take the chance now, when it's literally right in front of her.

“No, I want to know,” she tells her mother before turning back and steeling herself once again. “I want the truth.”

Captain Rogers purses his lips and tilts his head, like he's seeing something different in her now.

“You really are her sister, aren't you?” he muses.

She scoffs, almost reflexively. “There's no family resemblance, if that's what you mean.”

“Isn't there?” She hears Alexi chuckle softly behind her and makes a mental note to elbow him in the ribs later. One super soldier at a time.

“Please,” she asks again, and the twinkle leaves Captain Rogers' eye as he nods solemnly.

“Natasha sacrificed herself to retrieve the last of the Infinity Stones.” Yelena only understands part of that sentence, and she's not sure if it's the important part.

“The stones were the key to bringing everyone back, to defeating Thanos once and for all,” he explains. “We made a plan, as a team. We each had our assignments, but we didn't know the cost.”

The cost, it's evident now, had been Natasha, and it grates again at Yelena that all the other Avengers had returned from this mission for their final battle, while her sister’s sacrifice had merely been part of the unknowable set up. 

But Captain Rogers continues, and she finds consolation in the fact that at least he doesn't take Natasha's death lightly, not in the slightest. 

“I went back, after,” he reveals, sounding close to tears. “I tried-- I tried like hell to get her back. I never should have let her go.”

“You wouldn't have been able to stop her.” Melina’s voice comes out of nowhere; even she seems surprised to have spoken. But they all nod at the truth.

“Clint said he-- she wouldn't let him go in her place,” Rogers adds. He’s turning something over in his hands, but when Yelena looks closer, it seems to be just a simple pack of bubble gum. “She was just too…”

His eyes, cast towards the sky, return to their group, and he speaks first to Alexi, and then to Melina. Yelena reaches out for her mother's hand, and it's taken with a fierce squeeze.

“I'm not sure I ever really understood her until now,” the Captain says. “I thought her strength, her heart, who she was, was in spite of what she'd been through. But I know now, it was because of it.”

Yelena’s eyes have blurred with tears, but she can see him turn to her next. “We fought that war for her,” he adds. “And I think she fought it for you.”

It's the eulogy Natasha deserves, the one none of them could have hoped to give, and it feels both fitting and unfathomable that it comes from Captain America, of all people.

They sit in it for a moment, each thinking of Natasha in their own way, until the silence is broken by two people speaking in unison -- perhaps the two that understood her best.

“She would have hated this,” Yelena mumbles, only realizing after a moment that Barnes had said the same thing.

A reserved chuckle rumbles through the five of them, and then a deep, forgiving breath. It’s time to go. 

But Yelena drops Melina’s hand as the rest of them turn back for the road, suddenly unable to move. She can’t pull her eyes away from the grave, stuck staring at a legacy that makes her feel six years old again, a metaphorical pair of shoes she'll never be able to fill.

When she doesn't hear either car start, she expects maybe Captain Rogers or Alexi, but surprisingly, it's Barnes who returns to her side.

“I haven't… I didn't make a speech or anything,” she admits, gesturing at the stone with her sister’s name and titles, and willing him, once again, to understand the feelings she can’t put into words. “I don't know what to say to her.”

He's quiet for a moment, and when he speaks it's lower than she’s expecting, like he’s drawing the words from somewhere deep. “Nat never shared much with us,” he tells her. “I understood that. It's hard to talk about memories you don't think you deserve to miss.”

Yelena knows she’s felt that too, that kind of arrested nostalgia. And she’s seen it in the Widows she recovered before the snap. It's not a surprise that the Winter Soldier could understand it as well -- what it’s like to be freed from a prison in your own mind, but constantly aware of how easily that door could slam closed on you once again.

“She wouldn't care what you say here,” he continues. “She would care what you do out there.”

Suddenly, Yelena wonders if his heightened senses include a bullshit detector, if he can somehow see the marionette strings Valentina has looped around her conscience.

“I might have lied to you when we met,” she admits, telling him as much of the truth as she can muster. “I'm not sure I know how to do her justice.”

“I think you do,” he answers. “Even if it’s hard. Even if it takes a while.”

She turns to face him, and he’s staring at the gravestone like he can see something more than the paltry words they had paid someone to carve in Natasha’s memory.

“Nat was haunted by the red in her ledger, but she also thought it was what made her a good Avenger. She thought it made her fearless, unbreakable.” Yelena looks down and watches the metal of Barnes’ bionic hand curl into a fist, and then release. “But I'll take a wild guess that she was fearless before that, wasn't she?”

Through the years of mind control and conditioning, Yelena has never forgotten the feeling of Natasha’s arm wrapped around her back on that airstrip in Cuba, screaming and threatening men twice her size to try and keep them both safe.

“You may not know what to do now. You might feel like the things you've done, or the things you want to do, have set your future in stone,” Barnes continues, cutting through the haze of her memories.

“But there's gonna be a moment, maybe in the future, maybe soon, when you're faced with a choice. And in that moment, if you choose to be the person she thought you could be, that'll do her justice.”

Yelena looks up and Barnes’ eyes are there to meet now. Whatever he knows, it’s enough. 

“Thank you for coming,” she tells him. “Truly. And thank you for bringing the Captain.”

“Couldn't keep him away,” the man admits, with his little half-smile. “The two of them...I think that was as close as they let themselves get to anybody. I know he’ll always blame himself, but I hope this helped.” 

Yelena nods her goodbye, thinking idly, mournfully, about the way Natasha never gave any thought to her future -- wondering if that’s something she and her teammates had shared. But as Barnes returns to his car, the back window rolls down and Captain Rogers flags her down with something dark and folded in his hand.

“I found this with her things on the quinjet,” he says as she approaches the window, and her throat is tightening with new tears before he can finish, before she can even reach out to touch the familiar fabric. “Thought maybe you might want it. It’s pretty nice, it’s got a lot of pockets.”

-----

When she returns Melina and Alexi to the airfield a few days later, it's the most Yelena has felt like a real person in a long time, maybe the whole of her adult life.

“You’ll come to visit, yes?” Alexi asks, but his raised eyebrow tells her it's more of an order than a request.

“I will.”

“Come for Christmas!” he booms as he climbs out of the truck. “I will tell Santa Claus where to find you.” 

Melina doesn't follow him out the passenger door right away, turning back to face her and looking for all the world like a typical worrisome mother.

“Yelena…”

“мама, I'll be fine,” she promises, trying not to hear how hollow it sounds.

“I know you will. But please, watch out for yourself.” Yelena’s stomach knots at the memory of Melina telling Natasha the very same. That was the last time they were all together, she recalls. It always will be. 

“And if you need us,” Melina adds, “just come home, where it’s safe. OK?”

It's something about the way she says it that steals Yelena's planned reply from her lips. She doesn't want to lie, not now.

So she ducks forward, pressing her head against her mother’s and willing them both a little bit of peace.

“You are the best of us. Strong like your father, smart like your mama,” Melina whispers. “And like Natasha, through everything, you’ve kept your heart.”

Yelena pulls back then, swiping at her eyes, unable to stop herself from asking. “You don’t think that’s a weakness?”

“Maybe, at one time,” Melina admits. “But now, I think it’s lucky. Because now, you have a place to carry her.”

She can do that, at least, Yelena promises herself, reaching down to tug instinctively at the hem of her vest. Natasha died for them, and so she can live for her. She can do her justice.

“Stay safe, Малышка,” Melina says again, kissing her on the cheek before climbing out and following Alexi towards the runway. They two of them turn back to wave before boarding their jet, and Yelena’s heart knocks in her chest to remind her. That’s my family.

She puts the truck in gear and is pulling out to the main road, brushing away a few stray tears, when she notices it. A cassette, half-ejected from her ancient tape deck, with a Post-it stuck to the end. 

She peels off the note and grins at the mismatched handwriting -- “Love, Mom. And Dad,” both in Cyrillic -- before pressing the tape in and starting to sing along.

“A long, long time ago, I can still remember how that music used to make me smile…”

#first mate fic #black widow fic #yelena belova #yelena belova fic #black widow spoilers #black widow #natasha romanoff #romanogers (if you squint) #post-bw

[allofthefeelings]

Now instead of focusing on bad faith harassers, let's be on brand and talk about Natasha! I'm thinking of how little Nat got a small taste of family experience (even if she knew it was fake), which ended in Alexei and Melina abandoning her back to Red Room torture. In what ways does that trauma play out as she forges found family relationships with Nick, the Bartons, and the Avengers?

Anon, this is mean, and I both like and respect that.

So I was actually really surprised when David Harbour explicitly mentioned that they took the girls out of the Red Room and then put them back, not because we couldn’t figure that out- Nat’s history would be very different if she spent a few years as a murderbaby and then grew up the rest of the way playacting a normal life- but because this isn’t just something we’ll quietly be like “oh fuck” about, it’s going to be, if not an emotional pivot point of the movie, at least something they’re explicitly dealing with.

This- unsurprisingly- gets long.

(Brief digression: It is wild to me that while there has been a lot of speculation and even (supposed) spoilers of plot, I’m still not really sure what Nat’s emotional through-line from the story is, OR major information about how the movie is presenting the Red Room! Obviously some of that is the mystery, but it feels like there’s so much we just don’t have yet, almost 9 months after the movie was supposed to come out. Amazing, and building my anticipation, but also making me even more unsure of my speculation’s grounding!)

So pre-SHIELD, Natasha only knows family as something that gets torn away: her parents, who she never got to know (assuming they don’t retcon that from Endgame), and then this hyperreal family that shatters once the mission is over. And obviously they lose the grown-ups- they’re adult spies- but the evidence seems to indicate that Nat and Yelena didn’t manage to keep their connection either. I mean I realize the Murder Child Factory isn’t like college, where you can periodically message your old classmate on Facebook, but we don’t know- did they try? Were they kept separate by the Red Room? Or did they learn that every connection was dangerous so early that they actively kept separate from each other? No matter what it is, everything Natasha had, she lost.

And how long was the mission? Did she have three or four weeks that they escaped into that stuck so much she came back to it years later, like a deadly summer camp, or was it months or years of her life? This is all SUCH important context: did Nat have so little that a tiny event was all she could cling to, or did she live her life knowing that she could spend so much time on one thing and the second the mission was over it would disappear like it never happened?

But no matter what it is, it puts Nat accepting Clint’s offer in a whole new light; he said “come join our team” after she lost her real family, she lost her fake family, she ran away from the Red Room and spent years as a mercenary- how do you trust that offer when the ground beneath your feet has never been steady? And the answer seems to be Nick and Clint; they were her rock, and they showed her that no matter how much she pushed they weren’t going away.

I want to know how that worked. Did she work to push them away and they refused? Did she try to be exactly who she thought they needed her to be, which we know was her default response as late as Winter Soldier at LEAST?

HORRIBLE DIGRESSION: I’m not sure I buy into this myself, but I wonder if her cold businesslike approach in parts of Iron Man 2 were still her trying to be the perfect objective operative for Nick? Like I really cannot get past that Nat was around 25 IM2, and while we don’t have an age range for the sterilization from AoU, it was Scarlett in young-age makeup and called "graduation”- so coded, what, eighteen years old? Which gives her seven years to have defected (she was clearly not ready to defect before the procedure or she would have), worked as a mercenary, been recruited, and risen in the ranks in SHIELD. Even if she was able to be professionally on point (because the Red Room does not tolerate less than perfection), what if she was still feeling out Natasha As Person by then? I wonder how IM2 holds up under that light, when Professional Nat is Nat She Thinks Nick Wants, and in the four years between that and Cap2 she grows from Professional Nat to the kind of person Nick would have the “keep the circle small” conversation with and I don’t even know if this works but it’s giving me feelings?

And it’s similar with Clint; I’m not sure how to even make the math work where they had more than five years for Nat to not just fight viciously to get him back- we’ve seen she fights for her teams, because it’s the job- but she’s 27 when she shows a ridiculous amount of vulnerability when he comes back (”you know I do”- by then she’s come clean about her past to him).

And Clint’s KIDS, god. We know by the time she’s 30, she’s close enough to his family that Cooper and Lila think of her as an aunt figure and they name Nate after her. And that she lets them? Nat is a character who we know builds up walls, and I don’t think she’d take letting children into her life lightly. It’s not just that Clint trusts her to keep his family secret; she’s attached to them and they to her and she clearly considers Laura and the kids as well as Clint family, when family was something she never had before.

Moreover- based, admittedly, on the tiny slices of life in AoU- her relationship with the Bartons seems pretty normal and healthy. Like, there aren’t artificial boundaries and there also aren’t the weird lack of boundaries that sometimes come from an adult who doesn’t know kids. THAT is what I find myself wondering about a lot: where did she learn that? Was she feeling it out herself? Or did she rely on, say, the way she connected with Nick, as the idea of how a father figure should be?

OH NO NOW I’M THINKING ABOUT ALEXEI AS THE FATHER FIGURE SHE HAD, WHO ABANDONED HER, AND NICK AS THE FATHER FIGURE WHO DIDN’T, AND ALEXEI AS THE RUSSIAN STEVE BUT STEVE DIDN’T ABANDON HER EITHER AND WAS SHE ALWAYS WAITING FOR THE OTHER SHOE TO DROP.

And this is not your question but it just hit me how much, post-snap, when the world was falling apart because half of everyone disappeared, did this feel familiar to Natasha? How much was “Well, of course everyone leaves, it’s amazing it lasted as long as it did?” How much was Natasha not sure of the right way to grieve because she’s never been able to grieve before, losing people was just what happened and you had to push through it? So she just threw herself into her work and threw herself into her work and expected everyone else to also but one by one they peeled away, seeking out ways to escape the darkness, but all she’s ever known is that when you lose your connections you just have to make yourself better and fight harder because that’s all there is left? How much was the idea of bringing family back, even if she couldn’t be part of it, the thing she’d been holding out for forever, since she lost her family and she lost her fake family and she lost the Red Room and Nick and Clint and Laura told her it would be real this time but she was always afraid to believe that was true? How much was this the groundwork that set her up for Endgame?

ANON I AM U P S E T.

#allofthereplies #Anonymous #Black Widow #Natasha Romanoff #Black Widow movie #speculation #long post #i accidentally gave myself feelings

[chayacat]

Devil’s Sweet Star (34)

Fandom: Dead by Daylight

Ghostface x Female Reader  

Rated M for Violence, Language and Smut  

***

Damn it, he can't wait to stop having to play that role. He was starting to get tired of it. this double game took him so much to the brain that at night he no longer dreamed. He was discussing... with himself. This is the only place where you can find Jed and Danny in the same place, at the same time. And we can say that the conversations are... wild. Like that night.

“Hmpf. Do you intend to reprimand me for every f***ing discussion we have?” said Danny with arrogance.  

“And do you intend to act like an asshole at every discussion we have? You know very well that one day it will lose you.” responds Jed.  

“Compared to you, I am real. You are only an identity, a name, and you will disappear soon.”

“I find that for a simple identity, a simple name, I served you well, right? It's not you who had to socialize with people in every city, it's me. You have just taken up your life, at night, to commit your "masterpieces". How long has it been going on between us? You're not tired of it like me? Don't you want to just have a normal life? You've never been caught! If you stop now, no one will ever know that you are Ghostface! Do you think that's what Carla would like?”

“SHUT YOUR F***ING HOLE. Never talk about Carla, don't even utter her name in front of me. If this bastard had cared for her, if he had done what it took to save her, we would not be where we are today. Only he let her die...”

“And you kill him. it could have stopped there. But you wanted to continue. And look where we are today. And you're going to kill again. The worst thing about all this is that you managed to get (y/n) into it.” replied Jed.  

“I stop you right away, she's the one who ended up asking me to kill Hoggins. I only offered her a deal, she could have refused, I didn’t put the knife to her throat. But she agreed, sooner or later we end up doing things that we never dared to do before. Put that in your head.” responds Danny.  

“You're toxic. You're twisted. And one day, you'll regret it.”

“That day, I would be too old for anything to happen to me. And you will be gone long ago. See you later "JED". If you still exist outside.”

It was with this conversation in mind that Danny woke up in the morning. You were still sleeping, clinging to him like a Koala to his tree. It was difficult to get out of your grip and to leave the room for lunch. He looked at his phone, to see if there were any messages. And indeed, there were. From Melina, Mattew, boss, and Wilhelm. The latter wanted to see him in order to get his version of the facts about last night's assault.  

He didn't want to be there, but really not. Having to talk to this guy, who is going to ask his questions all the time, even though he already knows what happened. But the procedure is the procedure. But in a sense, Danny and Wilhelm have been talking to each other for days and days, cooperating. And Danny had to admit that he could have made a good inspector. That it could have been better than being a journalist. But after a while, he would have spotted himself, because compared to a journalist, a cop sees his file transferred from police station to police station.

He had breakfast quietly, even if it is already 9:30 a.m., sipping his coffee while watching the news on TV. Hoggins will pay. Not just for wanting to kill Danny, but for paying these guys to kidnap you as well! He seriously believes that you will fall into his arms by being sequestered in his home? He really believes, even hope that you will be affected by Stockholm syndrome? Asshole, the only thing you're going to receive at home is Ghostface's knife. And not just once. You're going to look like a real cheese at the end.

“I will disfigure you so much Hoggins, that no one will recognize you, they will all have vomited on your corpse before they know that it’s you. No one touches my girlfriend. No one.”  

He finishes his breakfast before going for a shower. Today was quite a hot day, it would be better to put lighter clothes. Fortunately, he had passed by his house before joining you at the apartment last night. And that he had consulted the weather too. He left you a note, next to your breakfast, saying that he was going to the police station to make his deposition and that he comes back right after. Knowing you, if he hadn't, you would be in panic and harassing him with message.

He went to the police station for his statement. Wilhelm had not yet arrived, so the policeman made Danny wait in a rest room and pick him up as soon as the inspector arrived. He took the opportunity to review the notes he had taken. Or rather that JED took. He couldn’t believe that his plan worked perfectly. And the best thing is that Hoggins provides enough to fuel suspicions about him! He has hired people, threatened McKellan and he does everything to suppress Danny, even if it isn’t for that reason. The inspector arrived 10 minutes later, and asked Danny to follow him to his office. The latter sighed slightly before following him into his office and sat in front of him.

“So... I really have to repeat everything? You know what happened last night.” ask Danny.  

“You know that this is the procedure. If I could do without seeing your face for even one day... that would be the dream.”

“And mine.”

The deposition lasted about 1 hour, during which Wilhelm asked several questions to which Danny answered clearly. He knows that it was Hoggins who hired them, one of them made that clear. Or at least he didn't deny it. Wilhelm finished writing Danny's deposition before closing the file and putting it on the side. Then he got up to serve himself a coffee and handed Danny one.

“If you weren't a little asshole journalist, you would make a good partner, Olsen.” said Wilhelm.

“And if you weren't an annoying, and a cop bastard, you'd make a good colleague Wilhelm.” Responds Danny.  

“hmpf. it seems to work well between you and the boss of the Nebula. It's... Is it official?”

“Yes, and how does it concern you?”

“In no way. But hey two aggressions and each time you were together. Plus, I know she and McKellan had had a little different. And obviously Hoggins has a deal with her.”

“Let's say it's more between me and Hoggins. He didn't like the way I did an interview... and I stole his bird of paradise. He imagines that he can coax her and seduce her with his money. As I told you, they did not say it clearly but they did not deny it. In addition, they also had to bring her back.”

“Be careful, Olsen.  Hoggins is not McKellan. When he says something, he does it. Avoid provoking him too much and stay on guard both of you. As long as he is not arrested for McKellan's murder, he is free to do whatever he wants.”

Danny nodded, before noticing a picture that intrigued him. You could see Wilhelm with a baby in his arms. So, he has children, at least one. Who had enough courage to marry and have a child with him? After... Danny must admit that he would like to see how he behaves once he comes home from work. The baby was rather cute, but he is no cuter than the ones Danny wants to have... with you. And compared to his "father", he will be much better than him.

“Elise. Her name is Elise. She is 7 months old. That's why I'm doing my job. I want her to be safe. And as long as Ghostface is free, my little princess will be in danger. You'll understand that when you have your kids. Believe me, its life changing.” said Wilhelm.  

“If you say so...Can I go now?” ask Danny.  

“Yeah yeah, get out of here you little weasel. And try to stay alive, you and you girlfriend. Especially you in fact. You are the champion to put yourself in danger involuntarily.”

Danny got up and, when Wilhelm reached out to him to greet him, which surprised him by the way, he shakes his hand before leaving the room and then the police station. So Wilhelm has a kid. And that's why he insists on stopping Ghostface... Interesting. Danny thought he was doing this just to be famous. After all, he would be the one who finally caught Ghostface! Roseville's murderer! and not only from Roseville for that matter.

Danny took the opportunity to go see his boss and colleagues, just to reassure them. Mattew couldn't help but hug Danny, with Danny patting his back to comfort him. Melina sighed in relief to see that he was fine. The boss didn't let anything shine through him but Danny knew that deep down, he was worried. He asked him to come to his office for a drink, but he politely refused, explaining that he had to join you.

He left the newspaper's offices to return to the apartment. On the road he listened to the radio, the latter announcing thunderstorms arriving on Roseville at the end of the day. Great, he who wanted to take you on a walk tonight ... in the rain it's going to be annoying. You were in your future apartment when he returned. You took advantage of his absence to start doing the work, including repainting the ceilings. He joined you and landed against the front door, watching you from behind, painting.

“Need a hand?” He asks.  

“Jed! How did it go?” you said, by putting down the paint roller to go see it and kiss him.

“That went well, I’ve made my deposition, he asked me his questions... The procedure in short. You should have waited me I would have helped you with the painting.”

“I know. But I could not stay at home without doing anything. And since we have to live here one day, I told myself that it was better to start as soon as possible. You can still help me if you want, I did not make the bathroom and your future office.”

“Thank you. By the way, I wanted to discuss it with you... we have to put a little thing in the right place...”

“I will not enter your office without your permission it is promised. This is your private space and I will respect it. And I know you will respect my private space.” you replied with a smile.  

“Thanks, my love. I'm going to change myself and I'm coming.” responds Danny before leaving.  

He returns a few minutes later with old clothes that are themselves stained with paint. Then he took a roll of paint and a jar of white paint and headed into his office to start working. Fortunately, the material is provided by the owner, it is better to avoid spending money now and save as much as possible. Because unfortunately, a larger apartment means a more expensive rent. Even with your two salaries, saving is a good idea. Hours passed, with a lunch break and, as he was painting, Danny heard a small sneer from you. He pretended not to hear anything, and as soon as he felt the tip of a brush on his back, he turned around and painted your t-shirt.

“Hey!” you said, laughing while Danny laughs too. “You'll see! you'll regret it! on guard!”

“Should not look for me my beauty. Beware I do not intend to let myself be done. On guard.” Responds Danny by putting himself in position like a fencer.

And so began a painting battle between you. And believe me, there was more paint on both of you and on the walls than on the ceiling. And despite Danny being able to dodge thanks to his agility, he took painting several times, especially in the face. You are small, but precise. But despite this, it was Danny who ended up winning the battle. he lay down on the ground, not without dragging you with him. The two laughed, which reminded Danny of the moments he spent with Carla in high school, lying under the trees to dream during the break hours.  

“Can you imagine yourself here? I don’t. I can't believe that we're going to live together...” you said looking at the ceiling.  

Danny nodded and placed a kiss on your forehead when you received a call. It was Amy. And when Danny saw your face decompose, he realized very quickly that something was wrong.

“What’s wrong?” He asks.  

“Wait. Amy...Amy calm down. Take a breath and tell me what’s going on...What?? I coming right now!” you said before hanging up. “We have to go to the Nebula...someone broke in and did damage... Corey managed to master him but... he is wounded.”

Without wasting a single minute, you both change and leave in the direction of the Nebula. When you arrive on site, you both notice that the windows have been broken and that the exterior walls have been tagged. Fortunately, the interior was practically intact, only a few decorative objects had been destroyed. Corey and Amy were sitting with one of the officers and as you walked towards them, Danny noticed one of the inscriptions on the outside walls of the café, at the entrance to the alley. The message was clear: bitch. one thing is for sure, someone’s going to die. The man was also taken care of by the doctors and then taken on board by the cops. The interrogation will be robust. We shall see what Wilhelm learns. Danny took you by the waist and huddled you when he heard you sobbing.

"Why me...I did nothing.” you said, sobbing.

“It’s alright Honey. I’m here.”

Even though it wasn't confirmed, Danny was sure who had made the move. At least who had commissioned it. It's time to take a little visit to this good old Hoggins. It’s time to give him a "gift". A gift that he will deeply regret...  

But that Danny will love to do to him.

***

(Done! Remember when I told you that DSS wouldn't be the first and the last fanfiction that I will write?  Well, that's still true. I'm thinking of writing another one but I hesitate between RE8 and The Boy (which I advise you to look at because it’s a very good movie and frankly underestimated.) I don't know when I'm going to get started, maybe when I'd be further away from finishing DSS which I reassure you won't do 1001 XD chapters. And I admit that recently I watched a let's play of outlast whistleblower and ...how to say... Eddie~ I hope you’ll like this chapter like the others ones! Well, it's time for my brain to rest! Have a great weekend to you all!  See ya!)

#dbd fanfic #dbd #dead by daylight #ghostface #danny johnson #jed olsen

[smellycinnamonthundahfudge]

The Black Widow Essay

one of em anw, lol

i'm just gonna start with the very beginning of the film, cause start to finish, they put so much detail in and you can tell everyone really cared to make natasha's story as full & vibrant as they possibly could.

them showing how early on she liked dying her hair or was used to it, even as a child?

as well as such innocent sweet things as this scene

all possibly subtly hinting these girls’ physical capabilities and their dark upbringing or who they really are as spies???

just, how seemingly normal child like things could be subtle hints toward something darker??

but it was STILL something innocent and sweet nevertheless whether they were able to do that cause of their training??

LOVED THAT.

the fact that NAT HAD FRIENDS??? WHEN SHE WAS A KID???

so important to me...

(cause they didn't really need to add that,... but they did)

how the whole operatives pretending as fake families made perfect sense cause they do it all the time in spy movies…

and how yeah, if there were child spies, then they could be used for spy families,

but this was the first movie that DARED to talk about the complexity of it all…

of a fake family being the only family that you had.

I bring this up because I just fucking love it and it reminds me of what they did in wandavision

rushed holidays and birthdays and normal family occasions all in one, because that was all they could get…

the idea of fake empty families in both bw and wv and jac schaeffer being involved with both of em??? gods im in love hahahah

in other spy movies, it’s just so plot focused…

they’re disguised as this to get to this and blablabla

they don’t dare to talk that they were more than their mission

that they have interests hobbies hopes dreams AND LIVES, beyond their work

(say what you will about captain marvel, but I will repeat, it was the first to show women had lives interests hobbies dreams beyond the work that they had...)

i just... the spy families thing is always so plot-centric, but this one, the infiltration aspect had an emotional side to it since it meant that they could all get a reprieve from their normal horrific lives

that's what i ADORE from this film, when they do something, they always hit for the most emotional, most moving, compelling way it can be told or shown

because, all this time we’ve been told, she’s a child assassin, she’s a child spy, she started when she was young dadadaaa

in other movies, they probably could’ve explored this by showing the violence

what was done to her, to show the meaning of what they did to her…

but you know what I absofuckingtutely die for??

they showed the meaning of the violence through this

that BECAUSE of what was done to her…

she could do that

SHE COULD PROTECT SOMEONE ELSE FROM SUFFERING THE SAME FATE AS SHE DID

all, in the first FIFTEEN 15 FUCKING MINUTES…

I just love how the never endless mention of the child assassin thing

the heaviest meaning of that was so beautifully shown like this…

like, YEAH

THIS.

THIS IS WHAT BEING A FUCKING CHILD ASSASSIN MEANS.

SHE’LL STEAL YOUR GUN, SHOOT TO KILL

ALL TO PROTECT HER INNOCENT, YOUNGER, SISTER

oh wait, I also just love the action of the plane scene

it had so much stakes, I was genuinely panicked and fearing for all of them..

melina was shot, nat was flying the plane, yelena was a terrified baby, alexei was even hanging from the freaking wing…

it wasn’t just weightless action, random kicks and punches on screen…

it was a family fleeing for their lives.

I just wanted to commend the incredible stakes the creatives made sure to put into the film’s first action scene is all.

they could have phoned this in and just have hopper punch some dudes

but they WANTED you to root for this family

they WANTED you to feel scared for them, care about them.

THEY CARED.

the first action scene nat ever did, was to protect her sister…

they could have shown her take down some men following after them…

but they DECIDED for nat to show her full capabilities… when it would matter most.

THEY CARED.

AND… NO ONE, NOT NEARLY ENOUGH PEOPLE ARE TALKING ABOUT IT.

you know what I love about the budapest reveal??

they could have just kept it at the clarifying what actually happened thing

and all of us in the audience can revel in the fact that

shooting it out with the hungarian guard and blowing up a building

was in nat’s eyes

just like a literal alien invasion of floating monsters descending from a portal in the sky

just… bask & appreciate the comedy of this guys…

nat’s so funny, I cant…

no okay, they could have just kept it at that…

but they decided to add WHAT HUMANITY THEY COULD IN THAT BACKSTORY.

and they had nat & clint play tic tac toe in the air vents they were hiding out on…

they didn’t have to do that, but they did…

and not enough people appreciate it enough.

people are already talking about how excellent and wonderful it was, the conversations and commentaries on choice are and I’m only here to say YES MORE OF THAT SHARE IT TO EVERYFREAKING ONE GODDAMN IT

in most marvel movies, the female character & the hero usually just either butt heads or the female just helps out the hero in whatever they need to do, they’re the infallible support structure that keeps the hero up

I think… this is why the dynamic between yelena and nat, hits so goddamn hard…

your pain makes you stronger

so much of this film talks about how their pain made them stronger, the best example of this I believe, is the scene in cuba

what I said about the child assassin repetition all concluding to that “I will kill you all, DON’T TOUCH HER” scene…

her pain was LITERALLY what enabled her to do that.

but I bring back the film’s crux line, cause it’s what I think truly separates and makes yelena and nat’s dynamic so much richer more complex and beautiful to me…

the pain of their past.

nat’s insistence of their time together in america not being real, and her dismissing everything in her past as a widow of the red room as horrible and just something she needed to get away from…

it reminds me of a scene from a show my family watches,

new amsterdam. in it, a woman, escapes a house of neglect and abuse. but she also left behind her younger sister in that household, and naturally, feels deeply guilty about it.

but, her therapist said to her, “you saved the only person that you could.”

and, … I can’t think of anything better to fit nat’s situation.

her dismissal of everything in her past as horrible was a fucking coping mechanism…

it made leaving everything behind, easier…

“it wasn’t real, so there isn’t anything to hold onto” nat herself says

she saved the only person she could… herself.

sigh…

most marvel movies usually just have its theme as “be who you were meant to be”

tony, thor, quill, & rocket learned selflessness

peter parker learned to appreciate what HE had, and not focus on what he was escaping from and to

steve figured out who he was in a new world

t’challa reckoned with the sins of the past

(scott’s just a dad)

carol learned to own her power and who she truly was

but nat??

yeah, sure, she could also fall under that theme.

but I just… I honestly believe the abuse, the pain she endured… makes her arc so much more meaningful and poignant…

because it wasn’t just the hero struggling, then the female side character reassuring them & giving them the strength they needed to be who they needed to be

it was her reckoning with what she did…

it was her shutting off yelena who cared about her, because she didn’t want to think about what she left behind

it was her, keeping her heart… when her mother could not.

how despite melina felt she was a rat in a cage

what SHE taught nat, was what kept nat alive…

the pain nat escaped, still found its way to her, in that because of that pain, she caused pain to the little happiness that she had in her past

she caused pain to yelena, because it was all she could associate to her past, which she NEEDED to escape

pain was inflicted on her, and she inflicted pain too

she also just casually stated her mother throwing her out like garbage

was I the only one who was utterly shaken by her statement??

to only then after say, she thought of her everyday even if she didn’t admit it to herself

(don’t even get me started on this search & importance of her past to her being fucking hinted in the place she died, vormir, where she learned her father’s name.

how even after she defeated dreykov… she still didn’t know it, til then…)

I just…

the creatives put so much effort into making nat’s story so full of heart, humanity, and meaning…

the humanity of tic tac toe over hiding out from an army

playing in the yard and colorful dyed hair hinting the dark upbringing

reckoning with what one did to survive…

black widow, is such a heartfelt humanely painful and beautiful film…

it isn’t just another spy movie

it isn’t just another marvel movie

they talked about abuse in it, guys…

they acknowledged it, unflinchingly

the good, the bad, all of it, the entire truth of it…

that alexei wasn’t allowed a chance to be forgiven for what he did

that he can wash himself clean, and that they give him their forgiveness, for HIS benefit…

that it was the very pain inflicted on them, that enabled them to take their abusers down

You think I can’t take a punch?

it was literally her pain threshold & strength that enabled her to break free from dreykov's control

her capability of severing the nerve borne from the training she endured

her pain was literally what made her stronger

they made sure to show that oksana and antonia wouldn’t be forgotten

they let the other widows do their part

and the ones the family saved, came back for them and saved them too

even antonia, as taskmaster, had someone who cared about her. the young widow who told her to smile, went to her when she was no longer controlled.

it was fighting for control, it was looking & focusing on what WAS there

just like how nat learned to accept that not all of her past was horrible,

I want to show you how this movie shows that not all of how nat was treated in the mcu was horrible

the thank you for your cooperation scene, yes

but, one parallel that I haven’t seen anyone bring up yet is this one…

nat did her job, and it’s how they took down hydra

nat did her job, and that’s how they took down the red room

because of nat’s intelligence, due diligence, they had the intel they needed to take down hydra

and to find and save the other widows…

because that’s precisely why I would die for this film…

they. care.

they remembered that small, for most people forgettable, thing that she did- BUT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE WHOLE THING

AND MADE DAMN SURE TO SHOW & HIGHLIGHT ITS IMPORTANCE IN HER FILM.

(her copying the data needed to SAVE THE OTHER WIDOWS IN THE WHOLE WORLD WAS GIVEN THE FOCUS & ENERGY NEEDED TO HIGHLIGHT THAT SCENE'S SIGNIFICANCE CAUSE W/O THAT DATA, THOSE WOMEN WOULD BE LOST)

they KNEW that HER COPYING THAT INFO in the lemurian star in tws IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE is HOW NICK FIGURED OUT HYDRA’S PLAN

AND DECIDED TO FUCKING PARALLEL THAT TOO IN HER FILM CAUSE THEY KNEW THAT DESPITE HOW SMALL THAT SCENE WAS, IT WAS ACTUALLY THE KEY TO THE ENTIRE THING

they know the significance that nat’s story has, how it’s about abuse, and what it does to people

it makes them want to run away & dismiss everything that happened as purely horrible

sometimes, it makes them betray people (like melina & even to some extent, nat…)

they did all this in a marvel movie

the importance of choice, control, autonomy, of women’s lives, every aspect of it

the mundane, their intelligence, their pain, their relationships, their humor & happiness & love…

this was a marvel movie, starring women, produced by women, written (jac schaeffer, wv creator too), directed (cate shortland), and edited (leigh folsom) by women.

this was an excellent beautiful painfully heartfelt luminescent movie, from start to finish.

so much care compassion complexity & love, woven into the story

they cared about what nat DID manage to do in the mcu, not that she was forced into the sidelines

(though, honestly, I think that line about nat never letting herself be alone long enough to figure out what her story is was such an interesting & cool way of acknowledging it…)

nat never spoke much in the films, and they went with it, she’s not the inspiring speech type, she herself says

behind the scenes, they were making nat look as cool as possible with those poses

but in this film, they made it HER character trait

that SHEEEE, WANTS TO POSE LIKE THAT.

I just think that’s so funny… a cute character trait of her wanting to pose all the time and denying/not acknowledging it??

I think it’s a sweet & funnily humanizing trait of hers :’’’))

they made her funny like that, heh…

most mcu movies, they have arcs, they have great interesting moving stories…

I just think this film is chockfull of love over natasha romanoff, a hero, an avenger’s story…

they put so much in to give her as full of a life as they could… a complex, heartbreaking, painful, happy, tragic, loving, human life…

most mcu movies… they’re so plot focused. find this, follow that.

for me, this film wasn’t.

it was women getting their control back.

behind the screen, and on screen, it was women getting their control back…

after a decade and more of getting bits of meaningful crumbs here and there, the creatives of this film gathered all those up, and built a full complex life and story from it…

it dealt with something so real and tragic but also beautiful and full of love.

I don’t think most mcu movies did this.

and it’s why I wrote all of this.

give credit where it’s due.

black widow is the most heartbreakingly painful and beautiful film marvel’s ever made…

it was a full and concise and finished and complete story, start to finish, about the hero who’s earned it, the goddamned most.

acknowledge what they did with this film.

it’s what they, nat & the creatives, deserve.

acknowledge it.

they didn’t work this hard to give nat such a meaningful loving & complex life and family and story, only for it to be called lesser

than films who tackle their themes in much shorter times

and with themes that aren’t as rooted in reality

acknowledge what they did.

acknowledge it.

I’m not really that knowledgeable over what framing and lighting really means…

but I think those details mean something

how their life at ohio, playing in the yard was flickered with sunlight, and fireflies

how it turned to night when they were forced to flee and return to russia

how it was night when they first entered the red room

but then there’d be more and more light as nat had progressed with their plan, with beams of light, flashing through the window behind her

and then once the dust had settled, the sun was rising on them, the survivors.

but… the most poignant & meaningful of all these lighting shots that I found…

was nat’s endings,

when she said goodbye to her family…

it was almost like, she was saying goodbye to us too…

with daylight, shining all around behind her, as she walked away and whistled her goodbye

this happening with her goodbye to her family

and with her official final shot of her, heading into the horizon, to her destiny

saving the universe, and saving her family

they cared so much to give her these beautifully poetically luminescent images of her, guys…

my heart breaks as I don’t see anyone else acknowledging this…

so please… acknowledge it.

acknowledge, what they did.

acknowledge it.

#*mic drop* #lol hahhahah #black widow #natasha romanoff #love #women #marvel women #women of marvel #scarlett johanssen #cate shortland #jac schaeffer #leigh folsom #marvel studios #marvel cinematic universe #marvel #:') cries #:') #florence pugh #yelena boleva #black widow movie #black widow 2021 #black widow film #natasha and yelena #melina vostokoff #rachel weisz #nat romanoff #ca:tws #captain america: the winter soldier #captain america the winter soldier #long post

[priestessofcreation]

So I actually really loved Black Widow. I liked it a lot because I got to see a side of Nat I've never seen anywhere else. If I've seen it anywhere, it's probably only been in rare moments with with Clint and Steve. She usually comes off as this smooth, elusive, cavalier, confident, mysterious woman. I realize now that this is, mostly, a façade.

Because the real Nat we saw in this movie is actually very introvertive. She's very quiet. She's resigned herself to the fact that even though she is no longer a member of the Red Room, she is still a spy. She will have to disappear sometimes and go on the run and live in crummy places.

But she's also this good person. She's this good person, like all the other black widows, forced into this shitty, awful, horrible situation. What we saw in the beginning, when we saw her as a child, she's got fire in her. She wants to protect the innocent. She is aptly aware of how terrible the situation is, even at that age.

The other interesting thing about her is that she will not allow herself to be anywhere except in the realistic. Dreykov's daughter was collateral damage? It was a consequence of the mission. She had an actual family when she was a child? They were a construct, they were a mission. They weren't real. She does not allow herself to live in a fantasy, because that would mean she would have to entertain her guilt and her pain, and with how much she went through, even looking down into that abyss would probably leave her bed-ridden for days.

I do have some issues with the movie.

That whole avalanche sequence was so fucking stupid. This is a maximum security prison, I am assuming, since they put Red Fucking Guardian there. And these world-class assassins didn't, I don't know, anticipate the ground fire from the fully armed guards in this maximum security prison?? And also they come in on the most noticeable helicopter ever? That thing was fucking huge! Oh, and they didn't think that the large bang from the bazooka would trigger a fucking avalanche? These women were trained for every possible outcome in their missions. The unbelievability of this whole sequence was just bonkers.

Also, the kill count. These people were in prison. They were already paying their dues. They didn't deserve to die. I find it hard to believe Nat wouldn't have a serious problem with that.

The other issue I had, was Alexei and them acknowledging him as family. This oblivious, narcissistic, idiotic cunt left his daughters with Dreykov and the Red Room. They were tortured mentally and physically, physically altered, forced through grueling training from insanely young ages, all with the threat that if they failed, they would be killed off. I don't care if Alexei is sorry. I don't care how much he bares his soul. I don't care how many wonderful memories he had with these girls. He left them to rot for the glory of Russia or what-fucking-ever. He is one of the main reasons these women were abused and are so fucked up now. I think the only way for him to redeem himself is to sacrifice himself for them. If they find another way, I'm all ears. But it will take a boat load to get him good in my book.

Look, the idea of a family being real in the midst of all this evil is a wonderful idea. I am all for it. I just don't think it was executed correctly at all. It was still touching, despite itself. I can forgive Melina a little bit more because she didn't explicitly abandon them and she is also trapped within the system just as much as Nat and Yelena. And the fact that she already jumped on the idea of taking down the Red Room when they showed up also helped.

To leave it on a good note, Yelena is really Nat's heart. She is the only one who can really get Nat to be herself except maybe Clint. Their connection is beautiful and Yelena is really, really good character that can help bear the weight of the trauma with Nat. She gets Nat to smile. She gets Nat to lash out (which is good in my book, since Nat is very introvertive and cold). She gets Nat to allow herself to be just a person. She is Nat's true family among all this.

Also, we got to see what happened in Budapest with Nat and Clint. And I gotta say, I wasn't disappointed.

#black widow #marvel #review I guess?

[gadgetgirl71]

Amazon First Reads for June 2020

I know I say this every single month, but I can’t get over how quickly the last month has gone. Meaning that for Amazon Prime Members we get to choose which Amazon First Read were going to download for free. Again this month as most months there are eight books to choose from.

This months choices are:

Suspense 

The Bone Jar by S W Kane, Pages: 328, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: Two murders. An abandoned asylum. Will a mysterious former patient help untangle the dark truth?

The body of an elderly woman has been found in the bowels of a derelict asylum on the banks of the Thames. As Detective Lew Kirby and his partner begin their investigation, another body is discovered in the river nearby. How are the two murders connected?

Before long, the secrets of Blackwater Asylum begin to reveal themselves. There are rumours about underground bunkers and secret rooms, unspeakable psychological experimentation, and a dark force that haunts the ruins, trying to pull back in all those who attempt to escape. Urban explorer Connie Darke, whose sister died in a freak accident at the asylum, is determined to help Lew expose its grisly past. Meanwhile Lew discovers a devastating family secret that threatens to turn his life upside down.

As his world crumbles around him, Lew must put the pieces of the puzzle together to keep the killer from striking again. Only an eccentric former patient really knows the truth—but will he reveal it to Lew before it’s too late?

Contemporary Fiction

Someone Else’s Secret by Julia Spiro, Pages: 363, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: Here’s the thing about secrets: they change shape over time, become blurry with memory, until the truth is nearly lost.

2009. Lindsey and Georgie have high hopes for their summer on Martha’s Vineyard. In the wake of the recession, ambitious college graduate Lindsey accepts a job as a nanny for an influential family who may help her land a position in Boston’s exclusive art world. Georgie, the eldest child in that family, is nearly fifteen and eager to find herself, dreaming of independence and yearning for first love.

Over the course of that formative summer, the two young women develop a close bond. Then, one night by the lighthouse, a shocking act occurs that ensnares them both in the throes of a terrible secret. Their budding friendship is shattered, and neither one can speak of what happened that night for ten long years.

Until now. Lindsey and Georgie must confront the past after all this time. Their quest for justice will require costly sacrifices, but it also might give them the closure they need to move on. All they know for sure is that when the truth is revealed, their lives will be forever changed once again.

From a fresh voice in fiction, this poignant and timely novel explores the strength and nuance of female friendship, the cost of ambition, and the courage it takes to speak the truth.

Mystery

Never Look Back by Mary Burton, Pages: 332, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: Expect the unexpected in this gritty, tense, and page-turning mystery from New York Times bestselling author Mary Burton.

After multiple women go missing, Agent Melina Shepard of the Tennessee Bureau of Investigation makes the impulsive decision to go undercover as a prostitute. While working the street, she narrowly avoids becoming a serial killer’s latest victim; as much as it pains her to admit, she needs backup.

Enter lone wolf FBI agent Jerrod Ramsey. Stonewalled by a lack of leads, he and Melina investigate a scene where a little girl has been found abandoned in a crashed vehicle. They open the trunk to reveal a horror show and quickly realise they’re dealing with two serial killers with very different MOs. The whole situation brings back memories for Melina—why does this particular case feel so connected to her painful past?

Before time runs out, Melina must catch not one but two serial killers, both ready to claim another victim—and both with their sights set on her.

Thriller

Find Me by Anne Frasier, Pages: 286, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: A bone-chilling family history is unearthed in a heart-stopping thriller by New York Times bestselling author Anne Frasier.

Convicted serial killer Benjamin Fisher has finally offered to lead San Bernardino detective Daniel Ellis to the isolated graves of his victims. One catch: he’ll only do it if FBI profiler Reni Fisher, his estranged daughter, accompanies them. As hard as it is to exhume her traumatic childhood, Reni can’t say no. She still feels complicit in her father’s crimes.

Perfect to play a lost little girl, Reni was the bait to lure unsuspecting women to their deaths. It’s time for closure. For her. For the families. And for Daniel. He shares Reni’s obsession with the past. Ever since he was a boy, he’s been convinced that his mother was one of Fisher’s victims.

Thirty years of bad memories are flooding back. A master manipulator has gained their trust. For Reni and Daniel, this isn’t the end of a nightmare. It’s only the beginning.

Book Club Fiction

The Lending Library by Aliza Fogelson, Pages: 295, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: For fans of Jane Green and Loretta Nyhan, a heartwarming debut novel about a daydreamer who gives her town, and herself, an amazing gift: a lending library in her sun-room.

When the Chatsworth library closes indefinitely, Dodie Fairisle loses her sanctuary. How is a small-town art teacher supposed to cope without the never-ending life advice and enjoyment that books give her? Well, when she’s as resourceful and generous as Dodie, she turns her sun-room into her very own little lending library.

At first just a hobby, this lit lovers’ haven opens up her world in incredible ways. She knows books are powerful, and soon enough they help her forge friendships between her zany neighbours—and attract an exciting new romance.

But when the chance to adopt an orphaned child brings Dodie’s secret dream of motherhood within reach, everything else suddenly seems less important. Finding herself at a crossroads, Dodie must figure out what it means to live a full, happy life. If only there were a book that could tell her what to do…

Historical Fiction

Opium and Absinthe by Lydia Kang, Pages: 379, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: From the bestselling author of A Beautiful Poison comes another spellbinding historical novel full of intrigue, occult mystery, and unexpected twists.

New York City, 1899. Tillie Pembroke’s sister lies dead, her body drained of blood and with two puncture wounds on her neck. Bram Stoker’s new novel, Dracula, has just been published, and Tillie’s imagination leaps to the impossible: the murderer is a vampire. But it can’t be—can it?

A ravenous reader and researcher, Tillie has something of an addiction to truth, and she won’t rest until she unravels the mystery of her sister’s death. Unfortunately, Tillie’s addicted to more than just truth; to ease the pain from a recent injury, she’s taking more and more laudanum…and some in her immediate circle are happy to keep her well supplied.

Tillie can’t bring herself to believe vampires exist. But with the hysteria surrounding her sister’s death, the continued vampiric slayings, and the opium swirling through her body, it’s becoming increasingly difficult for a girl who relies on facts and figures to know what’s real—or whether she can trust those closest to her.

Epic Fantasy

Scarlet Odyssey by C T Rwizi, Pages: 534, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: Magic is women’s work; war is men’s. But in the coming battle, none of that will matter.

Men do not become mystics. They become warriors. But eighteen-year-old Salo has never been good at conforming to his tribe’s expectations. For as long as he can remember, he has loved books and magic in a culture where such things are considered unmanly. Despite it being sacrilege, Salo has worked on a magical device in secret that will awaken his latent magical powers. And when his village is attacked by a cruel enchantress, Salo knows that it is time to take action.

Salo’s queen is surprisingly accepting of his desire to be a mystic, but she will not allow him to stay in the tribe. Instead, she sends Salo on a quest. The quest will take him thousands of miles north to the Jungle City, the political heart of the continent. There he must gather information on a growing threat to his tribe.

On the way to the city, he is joined by three fellow outcasts: a shunned female warrior, a mysterious nomad, and a deadly assassin. But they’re being hunted by the same enchantress who attacked Salo’s village. She may hold the key to Salo’s awakening—and his redemption.

Children’s Picture Book

Kat and Juju by Kataneh Vahdani, Pages: 40, Publication Date: 1 July 2020

Synopsis: An unlikely duo star in a charming story about being different, finding courage, and the importance of friendship in the first book in a new series from an award-winning animation director.

Kat likes doing things her very own way, but sometimes she doubts herself. So when a bird named Juju arrives, Kat hopes he’ll be the best friend she’s always wanted. He’s outgoing and silly and doesn’t worry about what others think—the opposite of who she is. Bit by bit, with Juju’s help, Kat discovers her strength, and how to have a friend and be one—while still being true to herself.

*** Which book will you choose? I chose “Opium and Absinthe” as soon as I saw the cover I knew that was this book I had to choose. Let me know which book you choose. ***

#amazonfirstreads #amazonkindle #amazonprimemembers #bookclubfiction #books #childrenspicturebooks #contemporary fiction #epicfantasy #goodreads #HistoricalFiction #Kindle #Kindlebooks #mystery #suspense #thriller

[takeachanceff]

Chapter 28: Falling Apart

Luna

“I don’t believe this” David said to her. Luna smiled widely looking down at the child before her. “David this is a sign God has blessed us with a baby don’t you see?” She started. “We’ve been trying so hard and now we have what we’ve been wanting so bad and now we do. They just dropped her right on her door step” she said.

She started to cry and squirm in my arms as I held her. I took her out the wet blanket that she was wrapped in. I checked to see if she needed to be changed and that was root of the problem. “David are prayers have been answered” I said with a wide grin.

“Babe how many people just drive through this neighborhood dropping of children? “ David asked her looking at the child. We’ve been trying for months to get pregnant and things just haven’t been working. Now this happens.

“It’s a rarity but it was meant to be” I smiled looking down at her. David shook his head. “Im gonna clean her up. You must be cold being out there by yourself” I said heading upstairs.

.............

A couple hours went by and David ran out to get the baby some diapers and fresh clothes. I couldn’t imagine just leaving my baby but I’m glad someone left this baby on my door step. David came back with everything and sat the bags next to me before sitting on the couch with me. “How old do you think she is?” He asked.

“She’s still pretty tiny so I’m guessing 2 or three months you got the right size diapers right?” I asked.

“Yeah i did um so i guess we gotta go about naming her and adopting her” he suggested.

“I’ve been thinking of a few names but nothing has stood out yet” I said trying to think of a few names for her. “I was thinking Ava or Willow” i said just throwing out a few of the names I was thinking of.

“Hm She doesn’t look like a willow to me” David said as he held her little hand. “I don’t see you coming up with any ideas”

“Peyton, Mackenzie... I don’t know” David laughed. “I’ve never been good with names” he said as the bay looked up them both and her surroundings.

“She’s very curious” I pointed out.

I can’t wait to start this new journey.

Aaliyah

We hurriedly got into the car to catch the flight. I was anxious and I prayed that my baby was in tact. My nerves wouldn’t settle. I felt Trey put his hand on my knee to calm my but when i looked over at him by the way he was clenching his jaw. He was nervous too. The ride to the plane hanger was silent nobody dared to speak. Once we arrived, Trey and I quickly boarded taking a seat anxiously. I put my seat belt on wanting to rush the pilot and skip all the extras. “You got anymore of that weed?” I asked. Trey chuckled some and shook his head.

“I do but I don’t think it’s good for us to rely on substances to calm ourselves” he said as he scratched his beard. I sighed knowing he was right.

What am I thinking? This isn’t me at all.

“I know I’m just everywhere” I admitted before rubbing my temples. Trey nodded in agreement though he didn’t say I knew he felt the same. The plane finally took of and headed to our destination. I needed to see my baby. I needed to hear her laugh, see her her smile. I needed to hold her.

....................

The plane landed in Richmond International Airport where our driver was waiting for us. We quickly got off the plane and headed inside the car. Trey got the details of where Mia could be. They got the address and headed there quickly. The drive didn’t take long surprisingly the neighborhood was in area full of row houses. We pulled up to house where one of Treys spotters saw the car drop off something. We got out the car putting up our umbrellas to go knock on the door. We rang the door bell and knocked a couple times.

“I swear this nigga better be right?”Trey mumbled as we both waited for someone to answer the door. Someone looked out the window before they opened the door. “Can I help you?” An older gentleman asked greeting us.

“Hi this may seem like a weird question but was a baby dropped off her early today or last night?” Trey asked the man. He was hesitant to answer before he spoke up. “Uh yes please come in” he said inviting us in. “Babe who is it?” A female voice asked coming from another room in the house. “Sorry we should’ve introduced ourselves, my name is Aaliyah and this is my husband Trey we’re looking for our daughter. We were told she was here” I said since Trey was always straight to the point.

“Your the baby’s parents?” He asked.

“Yes we are” Trey said trying to hide his frustration. The lady came into the room where we assuming it was his wife she had Mia in her arms. I sighed in relief knowing my baby was okay.

“Can we help you?” She asked as she held Mia.

“They’re the baby parents” he said to her.

“Prove it” she said causing Trey to scoff at her words. “Prove it?” Trey asked before they could say anything I spoke up.

“She has a birth make on her left leg it’s looks like a heart. She has a mole on her right her cheek. She’s allergic to soy and she’s jaundice” I said to her. The woman looked at me before confirming the first two things that i said.

“You felt guilty so you come back after you dropped her off like she was trash” she said instantly pissing me off. I haven’t slept in a few days so both of us were bound to say anything.

“I didn’t drop her off here lady.. My baby was taken out of her crib while she was taking a nap. I haven’t slept in days because I didn’t know where my child was “ I explained feeling myself getting angry before taking a deep breath. “I just want my baby home that’s it” I said damn near begging.

”I’m not just gonna hand her over... unless you take a DNA test” she said to us.

“Bitch what?” Trey said furiously.

“If she’s your daughter take a DNA test�� she shrugged.

“No fuck that give me my-“ Trey started.

“Fine” K said feeling Treys stare on me.

“Liyah you agreeing to this bullshit?!” He semi yelled.

“All we got is time Trey, if she wants science to make her look stupid then fine I’ll take a DNA test to prove that I laid down and conceived her and carried her for 9 months” i said irritated with all this but if this is what it takes to bring my daughter home then so be it.

Melina

It’s been a couple days since Jason was released from jail and it’s been quiet —too quiet. He still wanted us to head out Miami to stay with his uncle while he handled things here. Our flight leaves tomorrow so we just been laying low so no attention would be bought to us. I didn’t want to leave him but there’s nothing I can do. We put Justin down for his nap and he tapped my leg making me look at him. Jason took my hand and guided me to the bathroom closing the door turning the shower on. We looked each other in the eyes as he pulled me closer to him.

“I be so caught up in everything that I never get a chance to really look at you “ he started. “You’re still as beautiful as the day we met” he said running his fingers through my hair.

“When we bumped into each other in the hallway or when I almost hit you with my car” I said making us both laugh.

“Oh yeah you did almost run me over” He said making us both laugh. “Regardless, over time you’ve become more and more beautiful” he said making me blush.

“I know you didn’t just bring me in here to talk” I said to him leaning against the bathroom sink. He licked his lips and smirked as his eyes roamed my body. He lifted me up and put me on the counter. I put his shirt over his head before he threw it on the floor. He then pulled me closer to him by my legs as he began to strip me out of my clothes.

I kissed his lips deeply as he wrapped my legs around him. I unbuckled his pants to release his hard member. He circled my clit with his thumb in making my head go back in pleasure. My hormones were all over the place because of this pregnancy. I ran my hands down his chest lightly scratching it. Jason left kisses on on my neck making me moan. Gradually making his kisses lower he stopped paying special attention to my small baby bump. Feeling his fingers spread my second set of lips anticipating his tongue. I bit my lip as i watched him glide his tongue on my wet center making my head go back in pleasure. He picked me up taking us into the shower as he made love to me. We took it slow it felt different—it was passionate like he usually did it. He fucked me but made love to me at the same time. His strokes were deep and long as held me up against the shower wall. My moans were heard throughout the bathroom but not too loud that they would wake up Justin.

After our session in the shower, we changed and just chilled together. “I’ve been thinking” I said breaking the silence. He looked down at me giving me his full attention “About what?” He asked.

“I’ve been putting our son on you a lot and you’re right I work way too much to even spend time with him. I was thinking that maybe we can start sending him to day care, so he can spend time with kids his own age. On weekends we can both spend time with him ” I mentioned to him making him smile softly.

“You always been a hustler I love that about you. I like that idea I think that be cool let’s take it day by day” Jason said before I kissed his lips. “So round two or?” He asked with a raised eyebrow making me chuckle. “That’s how I ended up pregnant cause of multiple rounds with you” I smiled.

“I don’t see nothing wrong with that “ Jason said with a big grin. Before I could say anything else my phone started to ring, I answered the phone without looking at the caller ID. “Hello?“ I answered.

“May I speak to Melina Hennigan?” The voice asked.

“This is she who am I speaking with?” I asked with a confused look. Jason had a look of concern in his face as the phone conversation continued.

“My name is Jessica Griffith I’m from the coroners office. Mrs. Hennigan I’m calling regarding your father Carlos Perez” she started. I could feel my heart sink into my stomach. “I’m sorry to inform you that your father was found dead in an abandoned warehouse. We’re reaching out to you to see if you could identify the body. Could you come down to the morgue and do this?” Jessica asked as I felt the room go into slow motion.

I couldn’t get words out.

My father is dead.

“Mrs. Hennigan?” She said catching my attention again.

“Y-Yes I can do it” I finally got out holding in my tears.

“Please come by our office in a hour. I’m sorry for your loss” she said before handing up.

“Baby what’s wrong?” Jason asked. I couldn’t answer all I could do was cry. I just wanted him to let me live my life without the bullshit. I didn’t mean anything I said to him now he’s gone....

....

Jason drove me to the morgue to identify my father. He kept an eye on Justin while I headed inside. They took me to the back with Claire whom they called also. Instead of showing us his body they took a few pictures of him. They took into a small room that dimly lit with old green chairs. The table held old magazines from 2008 or something. We took a seat as they placed the pictures on the table just from the first one they sat down I recognized the scar that was on his left arm. He got it in a bar fight while in college. The slightest bit of hope of this being a mistake had been thrown out. Once they were finished, the detective finally spoke up. “Do you guys recognize any of these markings on Mr. Perez’s body?” He asked.

Claire’s crying filled the room leaving me to speak. The tears threatening to fall from my eyes burned the rim of my eye lids. “Yes, yes that’s him” I said getting choked up before I cleared my throat.

“Mrs. Hennigan, we believe your father was murdered. Do you know anyone that would want your father dead? Did your father have any enemies?” He asked her.

I couldn’t even begin to process all of this. I felt like I was going to throw up. “Rickey....” i said getting out as the detective wrote that down. “And what’s his last name?” He asked.

“Rickey... Satchel...” I said feeling myself go numb as they wrote it down.

“What relation did they have to each other?”

“Rickey use to intern for my father when we were in high school... Things were starting to get bad ... I know he killed him” I said. The detectives looked at each other as I continue to stare at the photos of my fathers body.

If they don’t catch him I’m gonna kill him myself.

They let us go and Claire continued to cry her eyes out. I had no more tears left to cry. I got into the car not saying a word. Jason wiped the tears that finally came out. I needed to be open with him about everything.

“Rickey killed my father” I mumbled. Jason nodded clenching his jaw. “I know...” he said tapping the steering wheel.

“I have to tell you something” I started gaining his attention. “I hated my dad for what he made do... I should’ve just told you”

“Tell me what Mel?” He asked looking confused.

“Remember the very first time i was pregnant?” I asked making him nod his yes. “That night you came to see me and you were asking about the baby and I told you I lost it. You asked me how... and I lied to you. I didn’t miscarry....” I said feeling myself starting to cry again. Jason sat back and licked his lips.

“What do you mean you didn’t miscarry” he asked.

“Please don’t hate me” I said feeling my chest get tighter. “I-I got an abortion because my dad told he was gonna cut me off if I didn’t. I also didn’t know if it was yours or Rickeys since it wasn’t long after he raped and it freaked me out” I rambled. Jason was quiet as he looked straight ahead not looking at me which broke me more than I realized. I cried hard clenching my chest.

“Mel...” he started. “I don’t hate you. If I’m being honest with you. I was scared that the baby wasn’t mine became of what he did to you. I just kept my head up speaking it into existence that the baby was mine. Even if it ended up being his I still would’ve supported you because that wasn’t your fault. I still would’ve been with you and my love for you wouldn’t have changed” he said.

I wiped my eyes as he spoke. “I know to pops hated my guts and didn’t want us to be together but I’m glad you stuck with me. You gave me beautiful son and you’re carrying my second child and you’ll be the one to carry our whole football team” he said making us both chuckle. “I’ll always have your back” he said making me smile through my tears.

“You handle the arrangements for your father and I’ll deal with Rickey”

#aaliyah fanfiction #trey songz #aaliyah #aaliyah fanfic #trey songz fanfiction #trey songz fanfic

[felicismagic18873]

Beyond the Blaze (11)

Summary: 4 Years old, Alyssa Potter finds her life taking a magical turn as she steps into a world of cute green giants, talking robots and misunderstood aliens. All of it is almost enough to make her forget the probable destruction of her own world.

"Well, at least she's having fun," Tony commented casually as Bruce fussed over the readings that made no sense. The kid was levitating, levitating, a wrench as if she weren't breaking universal laws of science with no effort what so ever. Anti-gravity. Scientists all over the world would give up anything to see this. And that for one reason or another caused a spark of panic in Tony's chest.

While Bruce was trying to make sense of the readings, Tony kept his eyes locked on the kid.

Tony wondered how the kid could be so demure one second and so excited and chattery the next, maybe it was something every kid did? Who knows.

At that very moment, Alyssa was sitting inside a circle of levitating things. They'd started with a pen, then the small pillows from the couch and now a wrench. She made things move in patterns and was smiling away. Bruce had told her to do whatever she wanted to show them, and this was what she'd chosen.

Alyssa yawned, shaking her head a bit.

"Okay," Tony said all of a sudden almost breaking Alyssa's concentration, "Good job, kid. We're done. You're done."

Bruce looked up with furrowed brow, he looked at Tony then at Alyssa's sleepy face and understanding dawned on him. "Yeah, Tony's right. This is enough for today Alyssa."

Alyssa looked a bit disappointed as she allowed the objects to come to rest on the ground so Bruce decided to comfort her, "We can do this again, soon okay?"

"Yeah, you'll be using your powers everywhere in no time." Seeing the sudden excitement Tony added, "Well not everywhere but around the tower sure."

It didn't seem to matter to the little girl, she was just happy that she could use her magic at all.

Alyssa yawned again and Tony made a mental note to not let her use her powers constantly for a long period of time. She was clearly exhausted, even if she hadn't said anything and perhaps didn't even notice herself.

It was when the kid swayed a bit that Tony strode forward and supported her, "You okay, Kid?" He asked trying not to let his worry seep through. Did they work her too hard? He hoped not, he had after all decided that they wouldn't do anything the kid didn't want.

"Jus' sleepy," The kid rested her head against his leg, her whole body leaning forward and she barely seemed to be able to open her eyes.

Tony looked towards Bruce, the kid was in no position to climb up the stairs and walk all the way to her room.

Bruce raised up two hands in surrender, "Can't carry her. Pulled a muscle,"

Tony rolled his eyes and knelt down to pick up the kid, he missed the mischevious look in Bruce's eyes. Alyssa wasted no time in snuggling up in Tony's arms once she was picked up. She rested her head in the crook of his neck and closed her eyes.

The weight of the kid in his arms felt comforting and once more Tony wondered over his own actions. If he was told a month ago that he'd actually holding and carrying a kid and never want to let her go, he wouldn't have believed it.

His own thoughts almost caused Tony to stumble but thankfully he was able to regain his balance. Never want to let her go? Where did that come from? Tony remained quiet and pensive as they climbed up the stairs and took the elevator to the penthouse.

The door of the elevator opened and the men came to a sudden stop cause there in the center of the penthouse stood one Miss Pepper Potts. Tony tightened his grip on the kid and plastered on a smile.

"Pep, the light of my life-"

"Just stop Tony." Pepper said tiredly, " I didn't believe it but Barton was right." She shook her head, "What do you think you're doing Tony?"

Tony frowned, " What's that supposed to mean."

"The kid, Tony. What were you thinking? Did you really think this was a good idea? You-"

Understanding dawned on Tony, Barton had run his mouth about the kid.

"Look, let me put the kid to bed. Then you can shout at me all you want okay? "

He didn't wait for her answer and moved towards the Kid's room instead, he ignored the fact that Bruce must be feeling pretty awkward down there with Pepper. He gently laid the kid down on the bed and tucked her in the comforter.

Tony ran his fingers through his hair, letting out a huge sigh. If only Barton had kept his mouth shut, they could've avoided this for a few more days, he had no doubt Pepper would've figured it out by herself soon enough but it would've taken some more time. He looked at the kid once more then turned to leave the room, it was time to face the music.

Tired but attentive green eyes stared at his back as he shut the door behind him.

-----------------------

Alyssa pushed off the comforter and climbed out of her bed. After a second of deep thinking, she chose not to put on her slippers cause they might make a sound. She unsteadily walked to the door and opened it, her eyes were tired and her legs felt like jelly but she wanted to know what the red-headed lady was talking about.

She walked out of the room and sat at the top of the staircase on the first stair. She could hear voices from down below quite clearly. The red-headed lady sounded upset,

"You can't just keep a child, Tony. She's not some toy, she is a person."

"You don't think I know that?"

"No, I don't think you do because if you did you would have alerted the proper people by now. God, Tony, " The lady sounded tired, "Did you really think you could keep her here forever and people wouldn't find out? Because they will and the moment they do, it will be a mountain of legal problems for us and the system for the child, "

"The system. There is no way the kid is going to the system, " Mr.Tony sounded horrified and furious at the same time, " There has to be another opt-"

"Tony," The lady cut him off, "Children her age usually get adopted pretty soon. For once at least try to look at things from my view, all of this is just calling for trouble. There is no other option Tony."

Alyssa didn't bother to listen anymore, she could figure out enough from what the lady was saying. She couldn't stay with Mr.Tony, they were going to send her away. To someone new, someone who wasn't Mr.Tony or Mr.Bruce.

Her eyes filled up with tears as she ran back to her room. She didn't cry until she was laying in bed and was able to muffle her cries with her pillow.

Little Miss, would you like me to inform sir of your distress-

Mr.Jarvis sounded worried.

Alyssa let out a muffled 'No' and that was it. For once since coming to this new world Alyssa wondered if it would have been better to have stayed in her own world, at least then she'd have Melina if not magic.

-----------------------

The next morning proved to be confusing and frustrating all at once for Tony. His and Pepper's argument had ended without a winner and two very unhappy parties. Poor Bruce couldn't even get a word in and had walked out after several minutes of them talking around in circles, even then it was clear that he was not happy with the wake-up call that Pepper gave them no matter how logical it was.

As for Tony, Tony didn't even know what he was fighting for but he refused to back down. All he knew was that the system would destroy the kid and he wasn't willing to let it happen, what it meant for him was a separate issue that he didn't want to touch on just yet.

What he was focused on was the fact that Alyssa had been quiet all day, quieter than usual for sure, and he had caught her looking at both Bruce and himself several times with a sad look in her eyes.

She didn't want to watch a movie, didn't want to study with her workbook which was a shocker since the girl loved doing it. She was just laying on the sofa cuddling into a huge pillow.

Something was wrong and he wasn't the only one that noticed it.

Bruce, however, came to the conclusion that she was sick and went to the medical borrow a thermometer (Tony broke the one in the penthouse when he needed mercury for one reason or another). Tony allowed Bruce to pretend like nothing had changed since last night like he couldn't see the stress in Bruce's shoulders and the glances he threw Alyssa's way. Bruce was just as disturbed as Tony was, though Tony knew he'd never accept it.

When Bruce came back, Alyssa indulged both of them by allowing Bruce to check her temperate even though she insisted she was just fine.

"Huh," Bruce checked the readings with a small furrow between his eyebrows, " 97.6, it's normal. She's just fine,"

But that left the matter of why she was acting so weird then. Tony grabbed his tab and sat on the couch, the kid's feet just barely touching his thigh. He hated being alone anytime he was sick (Palladium poisoning being one of the toughest time he had to get through, he was constantly sick) so he thought the kid might enjoy some company if she was feeling sick even if she wasn't really physically sick, perhaps she was homesick.

Bruce went down to the lab after putting something in the oven for dinner.

After a while of Tony working and Alyssa just staring at the ceiling, she finally spoke up, "Its okay,"

Tony's eyebrow furrowed, he lowered the tab and put his full attention on the kid, "What's okay kiddo?"

"If I have to go away, If you have to send me away" The kid was clearly trying to look brave and failing, "It's okay,"

"Who said that to you?" Tony felt furious for a second, why would anyone-that's why the kid-agh.

Alyssa hung her head, hair covering some parts of her face as she peeked at him through them, "The lady with red hair, " She mumbled.

Tony barely stopped himself from cursing, the kid heard them last night.

"Didn't mean to listen," she continued, taking his silence for anger. "But I knew you were gonna talk about me so,"

Maybe the kid saw something in his face or his eyes because the next second she was trying to make him feel better,

"I get why, its not..I'm not..."Alyssa looked lost for words for a second, she sat up properly and pulled her knees closer, "I'm not angry, just...sad." and it showed, it showed how sad the kid was and it made something inside Tony hurt too.

"I'm just sad that I hafta go. I don' want another family. I am happy here, with you, with Mr.Bruce,"

Another family.

Tony took a deep breath holding out his hand, the kid stared at his hand for a second before putting her hand in his.

"We're happy with you around too, kiddo." As Tony said it he realized how true it was. Alyssa being here, after everything, after Newyork was something that brought him happiness. The three of them, Bruce, Alyssa and him had pretty much settled into this new life, they just fit together so well and the thought of that being gone was something he really didn't like. Tears weld up in Alyssa's eyes, she blinked rapidly to clear them.

Tony put his other hand over hers, marveling at how small her hand was compared to his, "Don't worry kid, we'll find a way for you to stay with us. Even if we have to fight everyone for it and honestly I can take em on too because I am-"

"Batman?" The kid let out a wet sounding laugh.

Tony looked scandalized, "Batman. Really, kid, you couldn't come up with anyone else?" He shook his head in a disappointed manner, " Can't believe this. I am done with you, Missy. Go work on your pop references or something." He ruffled her hair, "and they call me the sassy one. "

Tony didn't bother keeping up the act too long, smiling when the kid laughed and got up from the couch to get her books. The slight skip in her step as she walked away soothed away some of the unease Tony had been feeling. Now, how to go about this? Tony scrapped the project he was working on and asked Jarvis to create a new file,

"Let's call it...Project Ohana,"

#Marvel #Harry Potter #Irondad #tony stark has a heart #female!harrypotter #Family #Fanfiction #Beyond the blaze

[hollowedrpg]

CONGRATULATIONS, SARAH! — You’ve been accepted for the role of Charity Burbage. What I loved most about your application was the way in which you gave Charity’s newfound fire a source other than her wife’s death. It doesn’t come from death, but life — her wife’s life and the way she lived, ready to take on her own war of sorts. The little details throughout your application kept it a fresh read from start to finish. I’m so excited to see you continue to develop her character. 

Thank you so much for applying. Please create your account and send in the link, track the right tags, and follow everyone on the follow list. Welcome to Hollowed Souls!

Name: Sarah

age: 24

preferred pronouns: She/Her

timezone: EST

activity: I would say my activity should be a 6-7/10 overall. My life can get pretty hectic from time to time but it ebbs and flows and I’ll be around to plot and check in most days and able to write replies 2-3 days out of the week.

are you applying for more than one character?: Not this time!

how do you feel about your character dying?: I mean of course I would be sad to see Charity go down in this war but provided I was able to have some measure of creative input as well as able to return to the rp as a different character I wouldn’t be opposed to seeing how Charity’s death plays out. She’s not a soldier for all that she’s trying to be one right now and it wouldn’t surprise me if she did end up as a casualty. To be completely honest the angst addict in me wonders how her death would affect the Order and the plot, would her light going out bring more hopelessness or would it spark dying fires of rebellion? A terrible part of me would really like to find out.

anything else?: Nothing except to say that you’re a fucking Queen Janelle and this roleplay is everything I dreamed it would be when you first mentioned it and more.

ic details.

full name: Charity Melina Burbage

Charity: Meaning “generous love” it is hard to imagine a name more fitting for Charity who was born with a heart overflowing with love for the world around her. Although Florence would have loved any child just the same, it was her wish that she would have a child who would give back to the world the joy that she herself had received in bringing them into it and she wrote that wish into her child’s name and delighted to see it come true as her daughter grew. For a long time all was as her mother had wished it. Her family was not perfect but it was defined by genuine love and kindness and for many years that was enough to keep the darkness from slipping in through the cracks. Little did she know that there was something else flowing within her precious child that would open the doors to a darkness more cruel than she could have imagined.

Melina: Meaning “honey.” Although it was Florence who swore up and down that all the honey she ate when she was trying to conceive and continued to crave throughout her pregnancy was the source of Charity’s honeyed tresses and sweet soul it was William who insisted, eyes twinkling with gentle mirth, that they pay homage to her belief with a name that would soon become his favored nickname for his only child.  Although many of his mates at work offered veiled condolences on the gender of his much longed for child William could not have been more overjoyed with his bright young daughter who met him every day upon his return from work with gifts of braided flowers and treats from the kitchen. It had put a chill in his heart the day she disappeared, however briefly, behind a barrier that he could not breach into a world that he could not fully understand. Although his wife’s undaunted faith in their child and Charity’s own eager curiosity won him over at the time and he encouraged his daughter to find her place in this strange new world that was hers by right of magic the chill never fully faded away and in time he would come to see there was more reason than fatherly concern behind his apprehension.

date of birth: 23, February, 1953 (Pisces Sun, Cancer Moon, Libra Rising)

former hogwarts house: Hufflepuff

sexuality: Pansexual Panromantic

gender/pronouns: she/her

face claim change: nope!

more.

how do you interpret this character’s personality? how will you play them? include two weaknesses & two strengths.

Charity was born with a bright seed of light inside of her that flourished in a home filled with love and patience until it glowed with the warmth of a small sun. Secure in her parent’s love she was driven from a young age to share the fount of joyful kindness (+) that sprung from within her with the world around her. She could not bear to see anything or anyone suffer and was ever taking in misfit strays and wounded animals to nurse back to health, baking treats to give to their neighbors, and doing all she could to wipe frowns from any face friend and stranger alike. Even as she grew and found that the world was much colder than the loving nest of her hometown her light remained growing even stronger despite all those who hissed at her that she had no right to shine. There are those who would call her kindness weakness, even she has cursed herself more than once since the beginning of the war for not being stronger or harder, but there is value in the ability to lift others’ spirits. There is scarcely person alive in Godric’s Hollow who has not lost someone or something dear to them and Charity does her best to bolster the spirits of those around her with hope and kindness on the days she is able to. Unfortunately those days seem to be fewer and fewer as time goes on.

Once Charity’s inner warmth and kindness was as constant as the sun, but loss has worn away at it until some days it gives off little more light than a smoldering ember. The truth is that Charity is terribly depressed (-). Following her wife’s death she had rallied bolstered by her commitment to the cause of preventing further atrocities and the bonds she strengthened and formed within the Order. For a few years she found a purpose and despite the mounting horrors of war she held on tight to her belief that good would win out in time. The Massacre and attack on the Order Headquarters has utterly shaken that conviction and set her back into a darkness akin to the one that overwhelmed her when she first lost Althea. There is something even worse about the darkest days of this relapse that are tinged with bitterness and self-recrimination. When people look to her for the light she used to shed so willingly she is beginning to shrink away from them. So many of them are ready to give up and let hatred run free through their world, what makes them think she has anything left to give? Her mind is a mass of contradictions. At times she wants nothing more than to curl up in bed and let the world fade away and others she hates herself for even thinking of giving up or holding back from the people who clearly need kindness more than ever. Althea would have never given up or cast blame on the people she loved for losses that many of them also suffered. When hopelessness and bitterness threaten to overwhelm her she remembers her wife who was so determined to save the world from forces that Charity did not fully understand and she shores herself up, brews a pot of tea, and finds someone who needs a hand to hold or a shoulder to lean on.

Although most days she cannot see it, it is her spirit alongside the memory of her fierce beautiful wife that makes it so that Charity is so determined (+) not to give up no matter how dire the circumstances. When she was alive Althea was the ‘strong’ one in their relationship. Charity was plenty happy with a simple life full of beauty and was content when after many years of working at a small tea shop in Diagon Alley she was able to buy it from the owner and make it her own. She treasured the smiles of her customers and their compliments on her charmed teas and honey cakes. Although she too could be sweet and kind, Althea was more of a warrior than her sweet gentle wife. She was one of many scientists who formed the forefront of a movement to address the effects humanity was having on their planet and spent her days arguing against those who would harm the world she loved. Despite not fully understanding climate change Charity knew that Althea was working against the folly of men that could devastate both of their worlds if left unchecked. It is the fire she saw in her wife’s eyes when she spoke of men who would gladly let the world burn if it made their lives more pleasurable that is reflected now in Charity’s as she is faced with a group of people who would let their hatred and greed blind them to the evil of their actions. She has to believe that, despite all evidence to the contrary, good will win out over hatred and cruelty but she also knows that she cannot sit idly by and expect that to happen all on its own. So she remains determined to stand with the Order and make a difference despite the darkness in her heart and the world around her.

Although Charity’s determination remains strong, the fact remains that she was not born a soldier. In school she gravitated towards softer magics. She excelled  in charms and potions that could impart an extra boost of calm or energy to a cup of tea or cake, heal small minor issues, make flowers bloom and last, and photographs move but she was less interested in dueling or defense against the dark arts. As a result she is weak (-) when it comes to battle magic which leaves her at a disadvantage being as she is one of a few remaining members of the resistance. In the beginning her lack of battle prowess had not mattered as much since the Order was better manned and she had other ways of contributing, but now with the Order on its last legs and beginning to fracture she is beginning to feel almost useless. She has learned to cast a Patronus, but is still struggling to learn enough offensive and defensive magic to make her presence in a fight more of a help than a hindrance.

how has the war affected this character, emotionally and otherwise?

There is little the war hasn’t stolen from Charity. It began as a shadow scarcely noticed in the otherwise blue sky of her life nothing more than harsh words hissed and whispered at her in halls and classrooms. By the time she realized how large and menacing the shadow of war had grown it was too late, it had already noticed her and stolen her love right out of her hands. Although it has been years since Althea’s murder Charity still wakes from nightmares with her wife’s name on her lips and tears soaking her pillow. She knows it was hatred, vile and putrid, that stole her wife from her  but on her darker days it is hard not to dwell on her own part in her wife’s death. If it wasn’t for her Althea would have never been in the Leaky Cauldron that day. Althea never would have known there was a world existing alongside her own or that people might wish her dead solely for her lack of magic and the accident of her wife’s birth. If Charity had only paid more attention to the whispers and dark undercurrents that were rising on the streets of the magical world she had come to love alongside the one she had been born into she could have done something differently. If she had known how bad things were getting she could have taken Althea someplace safe. Even if she had only remembered to refill her floo powder her wife might still be alive and well. If…if…if…if, it was a torturous exercise but one that she had trouble stopping once it wormed its way to the forefront of her mind. Although it had felt like the end of the world when Althea’s bright green eyes drifted shut in a darkened alley way it was only the beginning. After Arthur told her about the war and the Order she had fought her way out of the darkness that had descended on her the moment the light had gone dark in her wife’s eyes to devote herself to helping them in any way that she could only to watch her friends suffer and die and finally become refugees of a bloody war.

Along the way she lost her home. After the Ministry was lost Charity had gone home to her parents and begged them to leave. All she could think of was how their home was linked to the magical world and the war that was tearing it apart from the inside out all because of her and the idea of harm coming to them because they had born a magical child terrified her. In turn they had begged her to come with them and she had tearfully refused them. They were safer without her with them and she could not turn her back on the only people fighting to keep what had happened to Althea from happening to anyone else. Her only concession was to give her mother a charmed envelope one of a set that would allow them to trade messages if they needed to and a promise that she would write them when she could. As soon as her parents were safely away she lit her envelope on fire to break the connection between them fearing it would be used to trace them if hers was ever compromised. It broke her heart to lie to her mother but her desire to protect her parents won out against the cries of a small child that lived in her chest who wanted ever so badly to run to her parents and hide.  After her parents left she packed up what she could not live without, including a box full of photographs more precious to her than gold, and moved into the back rooms of her shop on the edge of Diagon Alley. The beautiful town that she had grown up in, had lived and laughed and fallen in love in, held nothing for her now. It was a ghost town full of lovely memories tinged with the pain of loss and like many things it only existed within her reach in photographs.

The Massacre and the combined failed Malfoy Manor mission and attack on the Headquarters dealt a final harsh blow to Charity’s spirit. It meant another home lost since there was enough to link her shop, sometimes used as a safehouse in the past, to the Order that it was not safe to return to. It meant that even more of her friends were dead or lost in a world that seemed colder and bloodier every day. It meant that they were losing, the death eaters took their losses as well she knows but so with Voldemort still living she knows he can continue to spread his vileness and infect new followers to fill his ranks, and that more and more of them wanted to give up. Once they relocated to Godric’s Hollow, a place so cursed by death that not even Voldemort would think to find them there, the already faded light in her chest began to flicker and bleed out. It’s hard for her some days to continue on surrounded as she is by reminders of their losses both in the landscape of the ravaged village itself and in the faces of her remaining friends.

where does this character currently stand? with those who wish to hide in godric’s hollow until the war ends, with those who wish to rebuild the order and continue fighting the war, or on neither side? Why?

Charity is torn when it comes to the schism that is beginning to tear at the center of the Order. On one hand she fully understands those who wants to do their best to remain safe and weather the war in hiding. She loves her friends dearly and wants them all to be safe and knows that there is no way to ever be fully safe while fighting a war. Not to mention there is the fact that given a chance to turn back time and keep her family together and safe far from the ravages of war she knows that she would very likely make the selfish choice to do so. But she also knows that Voldemort and those who think like him will never stop. She saw it in the eyes of the men who stole her wife from her. They knew that there would be likely be no way to avoid the repercussions of their actions, but it was worth it to them to make her and her wife suffer for the mere accident of their blood. Men like them… people like the remaining death eaters will never stop trying to destroy what they think it unworthy to exist in their world. And so those who would fight to keep the thorny vines of hatred from choking out the good in their world have to keep going as well. So as much as she understands the impulse to give in to hopelessness and hide away she stands with those who wish to rebuild and continue fighting. It’s what Althea would have done, it’s what the remaining spark of light in her soul is driving her to do. Kindness is not always soft. Sometimes it burns with all the bright heat of protective love and vengeance against those who would spread darkness. She does think that a secondary safehouse should be set up for those who cannot or will not fight, but she herself refuses to just stand by and let the evil that has infected their world and stolen so much from her and those she loves prevail.

Character Question: What is Charity’s role in the order? Has she found a place or is she still struggling to find her own way to help?

When she first joined the Order she was able to do enough to help in many little ways. She offered up her shop as a safehouse and a place to meet following missions and kept watch with a cup of soothing tea and a hand to hold for when people began to show up and had to wait to see who else would make it back. She kept an eye on the atmosphere at the edge of Diagon Alley and noticed when one by one her muggleborn regulars began to stop in less and less and then not at all. She hid messages in her daily specials and visited fellow members with baskets of food and flowers when they were injured or lost someone. Over time she established herself as a bright spot of hope in the Order by being ready with a smile and a listening ear despite having faced her own terrible loss before ever having joined the war effort.

Since the loss of her shop and her own mounting depression it has gotten harder for Charity to feel as though she is truly benefiting the order. She wants so badly to help and tries her best to remain a bright spot in the darkness for her friends and allies and to support those who reach out to her but there are days that she feels hopeless about her ability to make a true difference. Worse than that she once more feels stretched between two worlds with one foot on each side of the schism that is shaking the core of the Order. She wants to offer her love and support to everyone, including those who cannot bear to fight any longer, but her determination to soldier on causes tension between her own convictions and her desire for everyone to be safe. She wants to fight alongside those who are committed to continuing on, but she feels like she would slow them down in a true fight. She is torn and hurting and trying so hard to find the right balance to hold on to what remains of her light and keep going forward.

However, in many ways I believe she still plays an important part in the Order. Fractured and bleeding though she may be she is still a sign of goodness in a dark world and for many I believe that is important just to see her surviving. I could see her role playing out any number of ways. She is able to understand people exceedingly well and could play a part in bringing together the two opposing sides of the Order. She could also end up a martyr if she isn’t careful.

extra.

Snapshot HC’s

Hometown- Shere, Surrey, England

Parents- Florence (nee Wells) and William Burbage

Charity’s late wife- Name: Althea Quinn. Occupation: Environmental scientist/activist Appearance: Brunette w/ green eyes. They met following Charity’s graduation from Hogwarts as Althea spent most of her summers in Ireland. Charity revealed her magic to her on the eve of her marriage proposal to Althea explaining that she didn’t want there to be any dishonesty between herself and the woman she wanted to spend her life with.

Patronus: Hedgehog- “Cute and loveable inside and out, those who possess a hedgehog Patronus may thrive on giving and receiving love and may feel they need more of it than others realize. While upfront about their endearment and affectionate personality, hedgehogs are also known to be anxious and overly cautious. They often worry about their own and others of their kind’s safety. Those around must approach the hedgehog with care and precision, though, because when defensive and hurt, hedgehogs are remembered not for their sweetness, but for their sharp spikes.” “The first impression of an individual with a hedgehog patronus can be very deceiving. On the outside, they can first appear happy-go-lucky and kind, as well as slightly naive. They are optimistic individuals in the way they want to be happy and have the feeling rub off on others, but this is not who they are completely. Rather, they actually have a tough personality to them, and have the ability to fight and defend themselves. Do not take the for weaklings, because they certainly are not, and are much more perceptive than they appear. The most common house for a hedgehog patronus is Hufflepuff. The most common signs are Cancer and Sagittarius.”

Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/salexis19/ch-bleeding-light/

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/user/emmavanity/playlist/6yJd5ZF9SMj0Rz3MIuILoe?si=IkH6i6Q9Qq24RYF_p486HA

#hp rp #rp #marauders rp #lsrpg #roleplay #accepted

[allofthefeelings]

PLEASE give us all your thoughts on the BW trailer! I have been looking forward to that!

Okay, I have so many that I keep struggling to put them down in a coherent order.

Like, I just keep starting on the idea that it’s REAL. I know that I’m luckier than most- I saw the SDCC and D23 trailers after all!- but there’s something about the whole internet having it and getting to go back and look closer that just makes everything hit that much harder. And then I start spiraling, and I don’t even know where to begin.

So let me start with a big major one.

Up until this point, we’ve been expected to believe that, at least for the characters on screen, the important parts of their lives have been on screen. That we were able to know them, from what we saw.

I have spent a lot of time paying attention to Natasha’s arc (obviously). But I just assumed that the MCU was setting her up to have cut all her ties elsewhere, that while all of the other Avengers had outside support- we saw Bruce, Tony, Steve, and Thor’s in their own movies, and Clint’s family in AoU- Natasha had no one from outside ‘work’ (being either SHIELD or Avengers). Don’t get me wrong, Nick Fury being the closest she has to family gives me LIFE, but it doesn’t change the fact that Natasha is the only one of the OG6 defined entirely by the contours of her job. And the Avengers all clearly BELIEVE she had no one outside of them, as evidenced by Endgame. Nothing in the text to date has told us otherwise; it was up to us in the audience to either create additional figures in her life, or accept that she lacked them.

It’s not that Natasha didn’t have a history, exactly; while basically every text has skirted over the bulk of it, we do know that she had a Dark Past. We knew that the Red Room had left a deep wound. But the strong implication from the text was that she’d cauterized that wound, entirely cutting it off.

The very existence of other people in Natasha’s life- people who she’ll pull a gun on, aim to stab, but then share vodka with- tells us there’s a whole world we didn’t know about, that was vitally important to Natasha but that we never saw.

At about this point in the analysis, you realize (or at least I did): have we ever seen Natasha alone? Because of where each movie’s POV naturally lies, it’s never been through her eyes, and we’ve seen Natasha in the context of who she had to be to serve Tony’s, Steve’s, or the group’s arcs. We’ve seen Natasha manipulating strangers; we’ve seen Natasha comforting friends; but we’ve always seen Natasha on. The scene in the trailer of Natasha looking in the mirror is, unless I’m forgetting something, the first scene we’ve seen Natasha without an audience (besides, obviously, the at-home audience; the levels of performativity inherent in film obviously HAVE to be part of this discussion, but I think need to be separated out from the way she performs for others within her world.)

She may be performing, in the movie- she may be performing the role of the Natasha that Alexei, Melina, and Yelena know, rather than the Natasha the villains expect or the Avengers know. But we know, at this point, that we get at least one moment of Natasha, staring into a mirror, not being anyone but herself.

Anyway.

The three topics I most want to explore from the trailer (which, I should note, are ENTIRELY speculation and may well be completely outside of accuracy once we have a film!) are:

-mirrors (Natasha mirroring every one of the Avengers through the first three phases, but also Yelena as mirror, Bucky as mirror, Taskmaster as mirror, and then that shot of Natasha facing the mirror from the trailer);

-adulthood (”is that what we are?”, Red Room as suspended adolescence; superheros in general as a concept as suspended adolescence; Alexei, Melina, Yelena, and Natasha sitting around the table like a parody of a family dinner; seeing Natasha bare-faced and seeing actual signs of aging since IM2)

-Red Room as metaphor for an abusive family (Natasha as abused child who works to be perfect; Natasha as adult who got out of the toxic environment at great cost but still carries the scars, and forms a successful life for herself, and then fails and loses everything, and has no choice but to go back to the family and gets tied up in it again; Natasha’s IW/EG storyline of desperately trying to protect her people coming from no longer having that safety net; Natasha’s trauma manifesting in trying to be perfect compared to Tony’s PTSD in IM3 or Steve’s numbness in Cap2)

These are obviously just broad strokes, and there is SO MUCH in that trailer to get to that I’m not even scratching the surface of, and likely I’m not even accurate on most of this, and I haven’t even gotten to the shot of the Red Room, but I’m honestly just.

My girl. My girl has a movie. There’s finally a text in the MCU centering Natasha’s needs and priorites, and it’s real and we get to see it.

Sorry, this is probably not very coherent, but I hope it’s a start?

#Black Widow movie #Black Widow trailer #BW speculation #Black Widow #BW spoilers #allofthereplies #Anonymous #(sorry this is out of order for how I normally tag) #(but I'm trying to be vigilant for people's block lists?) #(like this matters a LOT to me and I know it annoys a lot of people so just. I'm trying.) #(let me know if there's any more I should do.)

[imgilmoregirl]

The Secret Affair

AO3 Link

Notes: Okay, ok, many apologies for the delay and for only answering your lovely coments now. Life got in the way and although I had this chapter ready to go for days I could only post it now, but I hope it is worth the wait.

Chapter Five

William Gold could barely look at Isabelle French for the next few days. He felt ashamed for using the mere remembrance of her angelic face to bring himself off, mainly when he was pretty aware of the rumours the town's folks were spreading about him ever since he brought that young teenager to work on his shop. Milah had heard them too, but he had only used this as a pun once or twice, addressing how wrong everybody was because if he ever tried something, she knew Belle would ran away, screaming in horror. Gold didn't think about himself as a handsome man, not even an attractive one, but he had to admit that his wife's quips made him feel even worse and uglier than he ever thought he could be.

He was missing Belle. Liam had silenced her every single time she tried to start a conversation, kept his distance and freaked out a bit when she started to sing so lovely all of the sudden during her daily cleaning. Staring at her was something he had decided to forbid himself from doing, remembering about the weight of her body above his, was another thing he was avoiding, so Liam restrained himself to staying in the opposite room from Belle. That however, didn't mean his heart wouldn't race when she arrived his shop every afternoon or that in the night he wouldn't accidentally dream of her, he was getting obsessed and he knew it very well.

Gold had been looking for a new pair of shoes for his son on the internet the day after he expelled her from his shop when an interesting link made him end up in a website that belonged to a big bookstore. Liam had only meant to see if they had anything Neal could like when he found himself typing the titles of Belle's favourite books. He bought them and paid for the express delivery, just to find himself marvelled by this fictional world his beloved girl so adored and, of course, now he knew why. The books were so incredible that it only took a day to read each of them and when he finished the second, Gold knew his period of silence with her was definitely over.

In the moment Belle arrived that afternoon, Liam found himself sure of two things. First, what he was feeling for her wasn't just some kind of mad lust or inappropriate desire, it was way more than that, he loved her brain as much as he loved her body. Gold was definitely falling in love with her, like he had never fallen for anyone before. Second, the fact he had read something she liked so much, made him feel anxious and excited because he knew a person's interests touched deep into their souls, even more when it came to a book with such a lovely story.

"She died," the landlord said as soon as the door closed behind the teenage girl, making her arch an eyebrow at him.

He was standing behind the main counter with his document box opened in front of him, fingers dusting the borders of the papers as Belle walked towards him with an inquiring glare on her face.

"Well, good afternoon for you too, Mr. Gold!"

"No, no," he interrupted. "I don't want to talk about amenities today I want to know why exactly you love a book where the main character dies at the end."

Shock passed through Belle's face as she followed the trail of his pointing finger to the two new copies he had on display. Her mouth fell open beautifully, causing Gold to smile a little as he watched her processing the information.

"Oh, you read the books!"

"I did and I'm quite angry," Liam pointed out. "I liked Melina very much."

There was a new, special shine in her eyes that could have made the whole wide world stop to stare and admire its rarity and Gold thought himself very luck to witness - and be the cause of - it.

"Well, so did I, but that's what makes the book special," Belle answered with a shrug, dropping her bag down to a corner on the floor before picking up his books and flipping up some pages as she smiled for herself. "Gideon learned how to be brave and how to open himself up for love when he met his soulmate, Alma. His sister, Melina, however already knew both but she had to be set free and find the hero in herself, so when she made that sacrifice to give her family a better life, she completed her task."

Ah, that was not now Gold had read that ending. Yes, that was what the book said in somehow but he couldn't just interprete Melina's sacrifice the same way Belle did, otherwise it would make him remember about his past and about how unfair everything was and he just couldn't accept it. Liam knew thinking this way made him blind and stupid, but those were not the kind of stories someone looked for when in need of a good romance, like he had thought when Belle first told him their titles.

"That's tragic, not beautiful," he stated, exasperated. "If she was such a good person, then why did she have to die?"

"To show Gideon and the others that the beauty of life is living it to its fullest," the girl replied, simply, laying the book back to its place and lifting up her blue eyes, the twin gems he loved the most, to him.

"It's still a pity that her daughter, Harriet, never got to truly know her."

She tilted her head a little, analysing his face and making Gold's heart skip a beat. He wished to cup her cheeks and caress the rosy flush with his thumb to know if her skin was as soft as it looked liked. Belle sighed softly, the kind of sigh that showed only her deep attachment to the story and licked down her lower lip before starting to speak.

"Gideon and Alma couldn't have children so raising her they had the family they had always wanted," she reminded him. "You know, when my mum first read those books to me, I cried a lot, then she looked at me and said 'Belle, this story is not as unfair as you think, it is just how life happens without the lies of a perfect, fairy tale happy ending' and after that day I never saw things the same way I did before. I think a part of me grew up with this lesson."

"So it seems," Gold answered in awe. "Have anyone ever said you're special, Belle? Fascinating even?"

"No, but I'm flattered, Liam," the girl replied with a giggle.

There was a certain powerfulness in the moment that he couldn't simply explain. They were looking into each other's eyes, grinning like fools and lost in the magic that seemed to be circling the room, however it didn't last long, because Belle bite down her lip and looked away from him, which made Gold feel like he had to do the same and act as normally as possible, after all he wasn't a teenager to be flirting with her, he was a responsible adult, a married man and a father. He needed to give himself some respect.

"Uh, how are you doing at school?"

"Just fine," Belle shrugged pushing herself on her heels as she turned around to look for her usual cleaning products. "I have the best grades, the teachers like me, my friends are excited for the graduation..."

Of course, it was her very last year at High School. Liam didn't know much about how the kids acted these days but when he was her age this was a big thing, even more if you had the grades needed to be accepted into a great university. He had always been smart just like Belle and leaving for college was both exciting for him as a pride to his family. Gold imagined that Belle would do amazing whatever she chose do to and a part of him wanted to see from close sight the successful woman she would become along the years.

"What do you plan to study at college?"

"I was thinking about Journalism," Belle said wonderingly. "My English teacher, Mr. Glass said that he is willing to offer me a scholarship at Storybrooke University if that's my choice, he believes I have a brilliant future."

"I agree with him, but such a smart girl like you could even make it to Harvard if you wanted to," the landlord pointed out.

Her cheeks flushed a bit and she clutched the duster to her chest. Belle looked like a modest lady from decades ago, so sweet and darling the way she was. The girl toyed with the feathers tapping the front of her shoes on the floor as she smiled at him.

"Thank you, Mr. Gold, but I think that it would be too much of a big daydream for me," she muttered, dropping her eyes down to the counter. "I will go wherever a nice scholarship takes me as I have no money for college at all."

"What a pity."

"My father is like the tower in which Melina was locked by the King when he found out that she carried Alfonso's child," Belle told him with a sigh. "The tower took away her freedom and my father took mine when mum died."

Gold's breath got caught on his throat. He could see the unshed tears shining in Belle's eyes, she was fighting against her own will of simply starting to cry and allow herself a moment of weakness. Liam knew how it felt and he had seen many, many people about to tear themselves apart in front of him - and because of him and his cruelty - to know that she should be in agony inside.

"I'm really sorry about your mother, sweetheart," he whispered as tenderly as possible, taking a few steps towards the girl and tilting his head so he could look into her eyes and show some empathy. "She was a kind woman."

"Indeed."

The word came out of her mouth as a weak, trembling sound and she couldn't take it anymore. Belle let the tears stream down her face as her chin wrinkled and her lips wobbled a bit, the weight of her pain, still very fresh, was like a shadow on her face, covering the kind light she used to irradiate with a sorrow that was very unlike her. He knew this kind of sadness, he had felt a great loss too and every single day when he looked at his wife's face and saw nothing, no real feeling, he felt it again. It hurt like hell and he didn't want his reference of heaven to be drown in it this way.

"Dry those tears, dearest," Liam murmured as he lifted up her face with the tips of his fingers. Belle sniffled and swallowed hard, tightening her lips in a silly attempt to show him a small grin. "You look prettier when you smile."

"Do you think I'm pretty?"

She sounded unsure, but almost flattered which made Gold's cheeks burn a bit, so he dropped his hand down, looking away from her to not allow the girl to notice his discomfort.

"Ah, well, I think everybody does," he mumbled almost mindlessly, tapping the pads of his thumbs against the golden handle of his cane. "You have always been a beautiful girl."

Another sniff. Gold fished the handkerchief from his suit jacket's pocket and handed it to Belle, watching as a bigger smile appeared on her lips and she used it to dry her eyes.

"I have never found someone who thought like you, except for Ruby and Jasmine, but that doesn't counts, Ruby is bisexual and Jas is just the nicest girl in town," Belle rambled.

"I bet the boys from your school would agree with them."

"I'm not sure," she shrugged. "The only boy I've ever dated, my neighbour, Gaston, thinks I'm a skinny, naïve fool. He only dated me because he wanted... A night, which he didn't get."

Gold felt a lump appearing on his throat, his hands becoming fists as he thought about another touching that precious girl. He knew he had no right of feeling jealous this way, after all she was nothing to him and he was still a married man, but he felt like he needed to protect Belle and more than that, he wanted her. If she was still a virgin, he had to be her first.

It probably sounded like madness, like the thoughts of a pervert which made him remember about the time he had read Lolita many years ago, however Gold told himself that everything was different. He wasn't using her, she wasn't so young as the girl in the book was and he definitely wasn't a maniac who looked for teens just to satisfy himself. Liam was fascinated by Belle, only her, and he was desperate in need and desire because she was the special creature that inhabited that beautiful body.

Smiling Liam took a daring step towards her and did something he didn't quite imagine himself doing for real. He cupped her cheek, dried her eyes and then lowered his hands to her neck, where he could feel her pulse quickening.

"He is the fool then," Gold said with confidence. "Any man would be lucky to have you, because you're not just beautiful, but because you're amazing."

Where he found the mad courage to do what he did next, Liam will never be able to tell, but he knew that it was there, making his coherent thoughts disappear as he obeyed his body only. Gold bent down and brushed his lips softly against Belle's, however when she responded to that kiss and pressed hers back with urgence, he couldn't help but to open up his lips and allow their thongs to meet as he dropped his cane down to the floor and ran his hands on her hair, then her body. She was all she could feel. Her mouth tasted as cherries, her kiss was passionate and a bit inexperienced, her hair felt soft, the curve of her back perfect for his hands, her bottom...

All of the sudden, Gold pulled away. He had gone too far, he wasn't thinking clearly and he knew that he shouldn't have done this. Belle was panting right in front of him a confused, but still lustful look in her eyes. Gold sighed, already knowing that he couldn't do this to her.

"Liam..."

"I'm sorry," he immediately said. "Shit, I'm so sorry."

"It's ok, I..."

"You have to forget it, Belle," Gold emphasized, taking a step away from her and taking a hold of the counter behind him as he felt his heart beating madly and his lower body starting to react to his desire for her. "We need to pretend it never happened, do you understand?"

Belle nodded repeatedly. She looked slightly scared now and he couldn't even begin to imagine what was going through her mind in that moment, he just wanted her to go away and leave him to his sins.

"Y - Yes."

"I don't need you more today, dearie, go!" Liam demanded but she didn't even move, so he yelled in a rude tone of voice: "Now!"

Eyes slamming shut, Gold heard the sound of her high heels tapping on the floor as she left the shop and he was left behind to work with his needs with his own hand.

...

Belle was shocked. More than that, she was stunned, confused, angry and breathless all at the same time, which meant that she couldn't go straight home, so she headed to Bear's, the biggest grocery store Storybrooke had. Although she didn't have a mirror in hand and couldn't see herself, Belle was pretty sure her cheeks were flushed and her eyes still bulged in surprise. Gold had kissed her, he truly did it but then stormed out and casted her away.

She didn't know what was his problem, why he was always acting on the edge of his feelings, it was frustrating and made her want to slap him as hard as she could. Belle had to admit that she liked the bastard, she liked him more than she should and by the way he made out with her at his shop, Belle was sure that he did like her too. There was only one problem, or better saying, two. First, Liam Gold was at least 30 years older than her, second, he was married and had a son.

From all the possible futures Belle had imagine to herself, this was the only one she couldn't have pictured even if she used all her creativity. She never thought she consider being the mistress of a middle-aged man, nor that this idea would please her so much. Belle had to take a long walk through the store to calm herself down and be able to breath properly again without looking like she had run a full marathon, however, stopping to think about Liam was something Belle couldn't quite do no matter how hard she tried.

She was still worrying at her lip, remembering about the kiss, when she arrived home. Belle didn't see anyone in the living room, so she headed straight to the kitchen and pulled the bags she had brought on the counter, taking the ingredientes for her recipe out of them.

"Little Bee," she heard her father say in a sluggish way that let it clear that he had been drinking more than two bottles of beer.

"Hey dad."

"How was work today?"

Belle swallowed hard, looking down at her paper bags and sighing, finding herself unable to answer the question, otherwise she would break down in tears and her face would become as red as a tomato with shame and desire.

"I'm going to prepare your dinner," was what she said instead. "I bought beef, sausages, carrots and pepper so I'll have your favourite meal tonight."

"How was your work?" Moe repeated.

Another sigh. Belle couldn't even look at his eyes, afraid that he would find out what had happened just by looking at her face.

"I was thinking about some smashed potatoes or maybe some rice too," the girl continued.

"Belle," Moe yelled, slamming his fist against the counter and making her jump in place. "I'm asking you about your damned work!"

"It was ok," she guaranteed, shrinking as she looked up and pulled on her best blank expression. "Why is it so important?"

"I went to Granny's for lunch today," her father said and she already knew something bad was coming. All gossips started at Granny's. "Leroy was there talking with Ingrid and one of her nieces about you and Gold."

"Oh papa..."

"They said he is getting his way with you," Moe continued. "Leroy even suggested that you never really worked properly there that you only pay the rent with sexual favours."

She felt her throat closing and blocking the air. Belle had heard what the town was saying about them a million times but she didn't imagine even for a second that they would reach her father's ears. It didn't matter to her what they thought, however it really seemed to bother her father and more than that, he seemed to believe in them.

"Papa," Belle gasped. "Oh my God! How can you even think that of me?"

"It's Gold, Belle! He is a dangerous fox, he might yet try something," he replied, exasperated. "I know he wouldn't forgive our late rents so easily!"

"Seriously?" Belle asked, arching an eyebrow to him. "Listen to me, dad! I was raised to be better than that, mum always taught me to be a good girl! So even if that was what Mr. Gold expected from me, I wouldn't do it."

"Right," Moe breathed. "Alright, I'm sorry."

Another sigh escaped her as Belle reached for a knife and cutting the ends of each carrot she had bought, a good excuse to not have to look at her father's eyes when he was saying those things and she had been thinking and wishing to do then all the way back home.

"Well, if you excuse me then, I have a dinner to cook," Belle said and saw with the corners of her eyes when he left the kitchen in silence.

...

Months later.

The bag was behind the couch ever since Belle arrived home from Milah's party with a decision made. She had texted Gaston asking where he was a thousand times but had no answer so what she had to do was to wait by the window, hoping to see his car arriving after his fun night at the Nolan's house. Belle was impatient, the fact that he hadn't slept in his own house alarming her a bit. For the past few weeks she had been struggling with morning sickness and feeling anxious didn't help anything with it, which made her decide that slipping out and waiting for him in front of his garage would be better.

Belle took a deep breath, eyes watering at the thought of what she was about to do, the remembrances of her time with Liam breaking her heart more and more as they came up to her mind. She reminded herself that she was doing this for her baby's sake and reached for her bag's handle, picking it up as she opened the front door, prepared to leave, however, her arm was hold back and Belle found herself looking up at her father.

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Papa, I've told you that Gaston and I are going to New York to visit some universities," Belle answered with a roll of her eyes. "We've agreed to that."

"Yes, we did, but that was before I found this," Moe said, abruptly taking a pregnancy test from his shirt's pocket. "Who is the father, Belle?"

Her whole world stopped in that moment, she wasn't prepared for that, Belle hadn't even planned telling her father about the baby in a near future and now he knew it and he was angry. She pulled away from him, covering her still flat stomach with a hand as if she should hide the child from his hateful glare.

"You didn't have the right of entering my room and taking my things!"

"Who is the father?"

"It's none of your business," Belle yelled. "I'll be eighteen in a few weeks and I'll take care of my child on my own, you don't have to worry about us."

Something between a bitter laugh and a grunt left Moe and then the most unexpected thing happened. He raised up his hand and slapped her with all the strength he had, making Belle lose her balance and fall against the window, feeling the mark of his hand burn on her cheek as tears of pain and sadness came to her eyes.

"Do not speak to me like this, girl," the florist said in a rude tone that made her feel like he was a giant, cruel monster. "The rumours are true, aren't they? Gold has been using you! That's where the flowers and the gifts came from and that's why you have been staying at the shop until late, you've been whoring yourself."

"How dare you?" Belle gasped, petting her belly mindlessly. "I love him, alright? And he has loved me and cared for me more than you ever did! I have no shame in saying I laid with him and I'm having his baby!"

"No, you're not," Moe assured, pulling her up from the floor using only one hand which pressed her arm so tightly that Belle was sure it would leave a bruise. "You won't ruin our family's name this way, letting the whole town know you have fucked a married man!"

The hate she was feeling towards him stopped for a moment. Belle stared at her father in the silence of their house - the house she once considered a loving home - and blinked in a painful confusion, a silly disbelief that daughter could only guarantee her father one last time.

"What do you mean?"

"You're getting in the car, Belle, I'm taking you to a clinic in Boston and we are getting you rid of this problem."

She was right, Belle thought sadly, she was right about him, he was the town's real monster.

"No! I'm having my baby, you won't do this to me," the girl yelled fighting to free herself from her father's grip and failing miserably. "This is my life, my body, my choice, papa!"

"You're seventeen, you have no idea how this is going to ruin your life," Moe said, pushing her out of the house and slamming the door shut as he dragged her towards his van. "You'll get in the car whether you want it or not!"

"No," Belle protested, finding herself unable to pull away from his grip. There was no sign of Gaston's car, no neighbours on the street, simply no one in sight, but she had to try, for her baby, so she screamed: "Help! Please, someone, help me!"

#rumbelle #rumbelle fic #mine #writing #Rumplestiltskin #belle french #ao3 #fanfic

[secondary-tomato-potato-blog]

Day 1: First Meeting

Pairing: Germany x Spain // Ludwig x Antonio

It’s family friendly.

He had always been a dog lover. It was not surprising their meeting would occur because of them.

He always went to this park after work, after a tiring work period. It was a dogs' park just before his street. Seeing them made him relax, it made him forget everything bad that could have happened. He knows everyone’s faces and their dogs, they knew him too. It was not unusual to engage in conversation with them every now and then, it was a relaxing time for everyone.

“Oh dear. Have you meet the new guy?” Linda, an old lady with a precious little female Bichon Frise named Lala, asked as she watched Ludwig play with her little girl. A sweet smile curved on her lips every time she saw such a built guy like him playing with such a tiny creature.

Ludwig lifted the tiny creature on his lap, scratching her tummy as he turned to see Linda. He had a raised eyebrow, not knowing what she was talking about. If there were a new guy, then normally he did be first to know but he had not seen any new faces here. Not recently at least.

“His name was...Oh dear, I had it at the tip of my tongue.”

“Please, don’t force yourself.” Lud stopped her, smiling with understanding. His attention was brought back to Lala who kept staring as if she was questioning the situation. “I believe it’s time for you to get home.”

“Is it? Ah, being old is no fun, huh?” Linda chuckled sweetly, the way only old people could.

Lud helped her to stand up, letting her use her free arm as he held Lala in his other arm. When he made sure she had not left anything behind, he put Lala down and did her collar.

“You young boy. Shouldn’t you be getting a partner? Such a good guy you are to be wasted!” She lifted her fist in the air like she was protesting. Lala ran around her, yapping as she did. “You believe too, right Lala? Our sweetheart Lud should find someone to love, right Lala? You believe it too, don’t you? Don’t you?” She spoke softly but playfully, tiny Lala liked it and yapped back at her as if she actually understood what her owner was saying.

“I’m too busy with work. I wouldn’t have time to...make them happy.”

“Don’t say that!” She interrupted abruptly, making Lud look up surprised. She looked back, satisfied to have his attention. “You are a good, good man. Whoever your partner is, they will be happy just having you by their side. I know how caring you are, Lud. Take it from me, I’ve seen nasty people in my life. The little details, that’s what you are good at. Anyone who has a good heart will appreciate those things you do for them.”

He looked away, unable to give her an answer even when she waited for one. He knew who he was and how he did things, what she said...what she said was only partially true. Lala kept yapping, filling the silence that his lack of words created. After some seconds that seemed like minutes, he nodded back not fully agreeing with her.

“I understand,” he said in a dry manner. She noticed for she sighed. “I’ll be heading home too. Please be careful on your way back.”

. . . . . .

“Lud! Lud!” Alex called as he ran to the mentioned one with Bagel, his male Beagle.

“Good morning Alex. Good morning Bagel,” he greeted accompanied with a nod. Bagel tried jumping to him but his young legs were not enough. “Playful as ever, I see.” He smiled, kneeling to pet Bagel and messing Alex’s hair a bit.

“Is he? He didn’t even wake me up today! He just kept sleeping!”

Bagel turned his head to his young owner, not understanding his words.

“Oh! Have you met the new guy? Mommy said to ask you before talking to him. I heard he has four dogs!” He raised four fingers, his expression lighten up with enthusiasm. But soon he looked upset as the oldest shook his head. “You haven’t seen him? But I want to see him.”

“Ask your mom to take you to see him. Maybe he is working when I’m free.” Lud tried shrugging the topic off, as to not upset the child more. It was better before it got too late, he had never been good at dealing with children crying.

“That’s true!” He smiled again, his hopes up once again. “Okay! I gotta go to school now. See you later Lud!”

. . .

“Thank you so much, Ludwig.” The ladies in the coffee shop sighed in relief as the package was handed down.

“It’s okay. It’s my free day anyway.”

“Hah, now you’re making me feel bad to make you run some errands for us.” Melina puffed her cheeks, blowing the air inside it, therefore, blowing the loose strand of hair hanging down her left side. It gracefully floated down. “I’m truly sorry.”

“Like I said, it’s okay.” He smiled, trying to move on to the next topic. He sighed mentally with relief when she nodded, smiling after.

“So I’ve heard you haven’t met or seen the new guy, am I right?”

“To everyone’s surprise, yes, you are right.”

“I’ve only seen him. Looks young, a few years younger than you probably.” She stretched her arms in the air. “So far, those you have met him say he’s such a good guy. Wouldn’t hurt to meet him, right?” She laughed. Her name was called from the back and she apologized.

Lud left not long after.

He was home, without noticing anything peculiar on his way back. Everything was the way it is, maybe a bit quieter than usual but it was fine for a Tuesday.

All he had in mind was the new guy. Everyone had been talking about him and somehow it intrigued him to know him. All he knew was that he was a guy with four dogs and charming, nothing useful to figure out where could he hang around.

In the middle of making tea, the thought of asking people where he was staying did not come to mind. The kettle bubbled away, his attention drifting to look for his cups. His hands moved without his commands, leaving his mind free to think of him. He could only wonder of the kind of person the new guy was.

He sat his cup with the hot tea, letting it cool as he wandered into the living room to pick up his book.

The morning passed quietly. So quietly he soon entered afternoon. His tea was finished and he was near the end of his novel. Deciding to take a walk outside, he put his book down once again. He left the cleaning for later.

His mind was straightforward, following a single path and never mixing two topics. He had to admit his life was the same. Maybe because he was brought up that way, maybe because it was the only way he knew how to live. It was tedious and boring, or that was what most people had told him back when he was still in school. He never saw it in those eyes. He liked it, actually. He never had to struggle with living, his life was one path with a beginning and an end. Worry about money or health were never something he had in mind. It was almost perfect, almost because he still missed something.

“Maybe Linda was right,” he whispered to himself as he pulled his coat over his shoulders. His eyes looked back at his apartment, not too big not too small. Lately, it had looked different but he failed to find a word to describe it. He shook those ideas away, finding them useless and not worth his time.

“Lud! Hey!” A man called down the corridor, waving at the mentioned one with a friendly manner. “Hey bud, are you going out?”

“Hey, Tom. Yeah, I am. Need a hand with something?” Lud turned his way, with a little friendly smile.

“I’m sorry to abuse your kindness.” The man started, a bit nervous as he spoke. Lud was quick to notice, shaking his head slightly.

“I’m happy to be of help.”

“Could you please take Mo on his daily walk? My sister is still and hospital and I need to go check on her.”

“Is she okay?” He nodded, walking to him to pick the Miniature Pinscher dog. Not long after Tom opened his door, Mo came running out to his owner.

“Yeah. She’s doing fine. The doctors want to keep her in few more days. To check everything, you know?” He kneeled to play with his tiny dog, scratching him playfully. “Okay, Mo, remember Lud? He’ll take you to your walk. Behave yourself, okay? I’ll see you later.”

. . .

His walk was quiet, even Mo noticed as he walked quietly too. It was uncommon for Mo to be quiet, maybe animals really possess the ability to sense human emotions. Together they passed other owners with their dogs, neither really paying attention to them. There was one thing in their mind, just to get to the park.

Lud sat down on a bench, letting Mo free to run around and play with the other dogs. Everyone knew him, they knew the dog too so they gave him extra pairs of eyes as he let himself drown in thoughts. Dangerous thoughts.

Ever since then, he was unable to brush those thoughts away and it was getting in the way of his peaceful life. The order of his life was interrupted and he feared not being able to get back to his life. All these years he had pushed those thoughts, those feelings to the back of his mind and the bottom of his heart. He knew he was unable to deal with them, he knew they were stronger than him. He never wanted to be this way but there was no other way he knew how to be.

"¡Oigan! ¡Chicos! ¡Regresen! No me hagaís esto."

Before Lud had time to react, four huge dogs jumped on him. His mind cleared, only wondering what was going on. He tried looking around but the dogs seemed to want his attention and they wanted it badly.

"I'm so sorry about this. I couldn't keep up with them." A young guy apologized, or so he sounded young. Lud still could not see him through the dogs' fur covering his face. "They seem to like you...I guess that's a good thing." Finally, a body came close enough to pulled the dogs away, revealing a new face. The face he wanted to see for some time now.

The new guy sat down, patting two of the dogs and talking to them. He babbled in an unknown language to Lud's ears, although he admitted it sounded rather energetic. His attention stayed fixed on him, the dogs were not pleased with all. They started pulling on his clothing, untucking his shirt and wrinkling it. This forced him to look down to them, they were satisfied.

"What is it that you want, eh?" he spoke softly, playing a bit with them. He recognized the kinds of dogs almost immediately when he saw them but just now he had time to assure his idea. "You two look playful. I don't know if I can keep up with that," he joked with an equal chuckle.

"You like dogs, right? They like people quite a lot but it feels different from you." The new guy commented, looking at him for a bit. He smiled, his dogs resting on the ground.

Ludwig was taken by surprise, blushing when their eyes met but he looked down quickly. His eyes were kept on the dogs, somehow embarrassed to look at his company.

"Ye-yeah...I gu-guess..."

"I'm Antonio," he hummed joyfully. "I'm the new guy on the block, you've heard already, right? Nice meeting you."

"I'm Ludwig."

"Oh! ¡Eres el dichoso Ludwig!" He chirped as if sudden realization hit him, which was pretty much the case. "Uh...I mean, uh, people told me quite a lot about you. Stuff like you are the first I should be seeing before meeting the other neighbors...I tried not raising suspicions until I meet you... Guess the time just didn't come around 'till now."

Antonio fidgeted with his fingers, showing nervousness as he stared at his hands. The dogs resting next to his feet took noticed, snuggling him in the legs warningly. The other two noticed too for they had laid on the ground too, leaving Ludwig alone and free to talk to their owner.

Lud glanced over at him, not holding it for too long. He was a rather calm person, he was known to handle any situations with a steady beat but somehow...he just could not do so now. Not even the dogs, creatures he adored more than anything, could distract him from thinking...They could not distract him from feeling...

"People around here trusts you, huh? It's nice, you know," Antonio babbled more to himself rather than to him. His energetic and easy-going image just disappeared. It just slipped away from him, leaving insecurity behind. "Do...Do I have your approval? I don't...I don't catch how this place goes but I don't want people to worry about me."

'Was he really worried about that?' Lud thought, finding almost funny...almost adorable. He turned to the dogs, scratching their ears which got their attention and brought them to their feet.

"Um-ah...Do I need to pass a test or something like that? It's weird, I mean, not weird in a bad way...Er, is it because there are many kids in this block, right? Um." He continued fidgeting with his fingers, his worry increasing. Unconsciously he was staring his way, trying to find any clue. Anything that could give him any explanation. In his search, he saw him smirking and it did not help at all. "Ludwig? I'm not good when I'm nervous, er, ca-can you tell me anything? Ju-just says anything..."

"Um, actually. There is, indeed, a test you have to pass." The blond finally expressed an answer but it did little to calm the other one down. 'What am I doing?' he questioned himself. "The test will be this Friday, are you free then?" He looked up, finding a worried blushed face. He found it adorable and he knew he was getting into a mess that had no end.

"¿El Viernes? Viernes...Viernes...NO! I mean, yes. I am free! I'm free!" Fast, his heart beat fast. No. It was not beating, it was pounding into his chest with a burning feeling. Maybe his cheeks burned with the same feeling, he just had no name to describe it.

"It's settled then." He set the topic aside, not giving it much thought as he usually would. It was just different. "Are they all yours? What are their names?" he questioned, moving their attention to the dogs. They looked up happily to being acknowledged by them.

"Eh, only one is mine. Until next week at least, then they will all be mine. Right, guys? You'll be staying with me." His world still shaking he grinned. He tried his best at hiding the nervousness that was still left by shifting his attention to his pets. "The Golden Retriever is Max. Australian Shepherd is Lina. Flat-coated Retriever is Riri. And my Carea Castellano Manchego, Toni. They are all the same age. Riri is the youngest though.

You have no idea how much trouble Lina and Toni caused me when they were puppies. Even now they are all...they all enjoy bringing me trouble. And, and. Did you know- I was actually surprised they all got along. Um, maybe they all agree to make my life more lively than it already is and that's why they get along- But you know? They might be playful dogs but they are really obedient. I wasn't too careless to not train them! People say that I would never be able to train them but I did! I wish they could- Oh..."

Antonio stopped mid-sentence at the sound of faint chuckles. He realized he lost hold of reality and just babbled on and on about his dogs. His cheeks were hit with heat, his hand quickly rising to cover them and his mouth. Although it did nothing to stop him from feeling embarrassed, it actually worsens it.

"I'm- I'm sorry. I got distracted and...I'm sorry. Did I bore you? I'm really sorry. Usually I... Lo estoy haciendo otra vez, no? Eh, hablo mucho cuando me pongo nervioso- I mean, I talk a lot when I get nervous..." He was hit with reality again, making him drop his head. He just could not face Ludwig at all, not in this situation he kept ruining.

Lud just chuckled to himself, knowing he was not helping Antonio to get a hold of himself. He heard every word and...he found no reason to apologize for.

Never had he heard anyone talk with so much passion like their whole life depended on it. The look Antonio had when he talked about his dogs, that image stuck in his mind for good. Maybe Antonio was not a bad guy, even with that affirmation he knew he was making a mistake. And he wondered how long will his happy moment last, he wished it would last longer than before.

"It's okay. You sounded like you were enjoying yourself." He replied, softly and calmly. He had control over the situation, he stood on known ground. Before Antonio could find the words to reply with, Mo came running to them and jumped to Lud's lap. "There you are, little friend. I guess I'll be taking my leave now. I should be returning this dog to his owner."

"Ye-yeah. I should go home too. Bet they are tired from playing." Antonio stood up, his gaze still fixed on the ground. "See you Friday then...or when we meet again."

"See you then."

Lud walked away, Mo resting on his arms. He had that smirk. That smirk that meant...He knew he was making a big mistake.

. . .

Antonio raised his gaze, watching him leave. Each step he took, each centimeter away made him crave his company. But his body did not move, it was unable to do so in such a burning feeling that burned his body. His mind was too busy recalling his face, his clean-blond hair slicked back, his beautiful light-blue eyes. His sharp jawline. His built body. His heart still pounding against his chest, suffocating him. Leaving him unable to breathe normally.

He knew it was bad. He knew it when the nerves started going up. He had no reason to be nervous for, he knew he was a good person that could do no harm to anyone. But still, he was nervous and worst he did not notice when he started to act like that. Interacting with people was his strong point, it was a glove in his hand but today was just different.

It was different because he missed him already.

. . .

"I'm so sorry to trouble you, buddy. I promise it won't happen again."

"Like I said earlier, it is fine with me. I love dogs. I enjoy being with them."

He had always loved dogs, they were just perfect in his mind. They loved him back too for they always seem to be quick in gaining his affection. But today he had something else rather than dogs in his mind. He had a new image accompanied by a brand new feeling.

. . . . . .

"You like dogs, right? But you don't have any of your own."

"My apartment is not enough for a dog."

"Then come live with me."

It's okay if it isn't complex, right? This is the first piece of writing about Hetalia I'm publicly 'sharing' online. It was easy to tell, right? This is a rare ship that I thought of when I saw a cute image of Germany and Spain on Pinterest. Lud was sitting on a chair and Toni was balancing a tomato in his head and was like super proud to do so.  And Lud had to put up with it and I thought 'You know what? That's ship material'. (Not to mention the Hetalia seiyuu event too) Hope you enjoy it, I guess.

#aphrarepairsweek2018 #aph germany #aph spain #GermAin?? #I cannot think of anything better #antonio fernandez carriedo #ludwig beilschmidt #I won't be adding tags for a reason #hetalia