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watchyourbluesturngolden · 3 years

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my annotations for chappy 11 of ysijwa

this is just for drea and leyla to read so if you're not drea or leyla pls keep scrolling :)

ok this is pretty chaotic and like i said earlier i treated this ike a wattpad comment section so... have fun ig :)

SHERLOCK AND WATSON CINEMATIC UNIVERSE SHUT UPPPPP I LOVE YOU SM DREA

NOT MISS SNAP CRACKLE POP

jealous y/n you say???

now i know why you ignored all my tiktok asks lmao

HELPLESS OH MY GOD

truly madly deeply intended :)

damn he's kind of a narcissist yk? like "I have to be serious my entire family depends on it" shut up mr darcy you're not special

devout in his religion hmmmmmm hopefully we see some more religious trauma content bc me too vampy

awww he wants kids but now he cant have them bc hes... dead :(

AWWW his sister taught him to knit :( if he doesn't knit bloodbag a sweater i swear to god

stuffy moron is correct

"IT'S A FUCKING WONDER HE EVER GOT LAID" OIJRIOJWEIOJIEWOJFIOEJOF

"THE ATROCITY THAT IS BEING ACQUAINTED WITH NIALL AND HIS HORRIBLE AFFINITY FOR CHEAP FLANEL" ORJFOIJFEIOWJ YOURE SUCH A POET

he's so dumb she was with him bc he's hot that much should be obvious to him🙄

FOOLISHLY HOPELESSLY UNMEASURABLY IN LOVE HWAT THE FUCK DREA IM SAD

i love that he remembers the spinal cord dislocation and the dead leaves . like yea im dead rn but the leaves in my hair are really what's bothering me the most

what the fuck is a maw

ok i looked it up i get it now

"attachment is for gullible idiots" yup and youre one of them vampy 😌

"the warmest skin his icy fingers had ever had the good fortune to touch" im so soft rn

oh so now she has "a wholesome beauty about her nature" ? i thought she was just cute enough 🤨

HE THINKS HER SMILE COULD RESTART HIS HEART THATS SO CUTE IM OUHOIJFOEWIJFIOEWJ

"the responsibility of keeping her safe, satisfied, and happy" how 🥺 🥺🥺

"as long as he breathes" i thought he didn't breathe lmao BUT I GET THE SENTIMENT

"always when it comes to her" IM SCREAMING RN THIS IS SO SOFT I CANT

ill never forgive him for being so dense either his brain is basically a rock

HE WANTED TO COMMUNICATE THAT HE BELONGED TO HER IM GONNA HAVE A STROKE

couldnt be me i dont want to be percieved

HE ADDED A FUCKING BUTTERFLY AFTER THE DISCO BALLS IM OIWFJIOEWJFIOEJIOEWNOJIWJ(*H(WUIOFJIOEWJFIOWHVIFUEH)U)($UT

HEY a hamilton obsession is not childish😤

'the only person who was allowed to touch him there was y/n' he's like a little kid who's possessive omggggggg

oh this reminds me i rlly hope everything in that chest was new and had never been used on anyone else owijfowiejfioewj

oh please my irish king can control himself let y/n meet the other vamps🙄

"if they knew all along why did it take so long" yk im wondering the same thing dummy

"every day was a battle to earn her love and affection" wtffff how could she hurt him like that he is just a baby

i think he needs therapy tbh

yes he does deserve to be treated with respect and dignity😤

"supporting and tolerating them despite your differences" exactly unless they're a republican

IM SORRY THAT WAS MEAN OIWFJOIWJFEIOw i said what i said tho

they did everything backwards but it's what baby needed🥺

im literally gonna 🔪 bradley how dare he hurt my favorite ribeye like that

PROPER BOYFRIEND-GIRLFRIEND BONDING PLSSSSS im sure he makes sure to say stuff like "as your boyfriend' or 'since youre my girlfriend' all the time now

"everything that has to do with harry has always and will always make her feel safe and secure" ...who's gonna tell her👀

HE BECOMES CLINGY IVE BEEN WAITIN FOR THIS ONE TURN IT UP

awwww my love language is also quality times bestiesssssss

(this is more serious you might want to change the words to nose kisses or something because esk*mo is a slur)

HE wants to be wrapped in HER arms and get forehead kissies like a little baby🥺🥺

i can tell you wrote this chappy bc leyla would never write about ice cream

IF CHRIST CAN GET A DATE MARKER SO CAN HARRY OIFJOEIWJFIOEWJFWI PLSSSSSSSSSS I LOVE HIM

ALWAYS FOR HER WEJFIOJWEIOFJEWIOFJOIEWJFOIEWJF HES SO IN LOOOOOVE

HE DID IT AND IM SO PROUD OF HIM🥺

omg i have a thot imagine if she got a heart murmur or something and obvi he knows bc he can hear it so now he has to find a way to make her get it checked out out without being suspicious 😭

HE ROCKS HER TO CALM HER DOWN WHEN SHES HAVING NIGHTMARES IJFEOWIJFOIWEFJ

“nearly blinds himself for eternity” what a drama queen i love him

maybe learn how to turn your brightness down grandpa

“can women sense emotional distress” why is this so funny oiewfjwieojfioewj

DEHUMANIZING OWEIJOIAJAKLFSDJLKSDJFKLD

not a psychotic episode 😭😭

crippling mommy issues woejfkljdklsjsdf me too king

awwwww he made her a full buffet i would cry

matchy socks im gonna sob

king is a chef 😌

y/n’s head @ harry’s clavicle rn: 💥

“his plush chest” drea its ok you can say titties

“absolutely flawless”? are you sure shes not just cute enough 🤨

he got her oat milk 🥺the sign of true love

hes such a shithead i love him

SPELLING HIS NAM E ON HER TUMMY IM HAVING ANOTHER STROKE

“I DIDNT WANT TO LEAVE YOU ALL ALONE” HES SO WOIFJSJFSDKJKLSDJF

HE DIDNT HAVE TO DO NIALL LIKE THAT 😭😭

RAPUNZEL HAIR OSIDJSKJKLSJF

she traces a tiny heart on him wtfffffffffff im sad

this… is hot

“theres no room on the counter” owifjlksjfslkfjklsj

HE WOULD WALK THROUGH FIRE FOR HER maybe then he’d be a little less cold

im sorry that was wrong of me lisjfskldjfwoiejewiojrei

OH MY GOD OWEIJFKLJSKLFJL SHES SO BOLD “can’t i?” OSIJFKSLJLKJF

oh boy hes gonna kill her

I WONDERED WHEN THE YOURE HOT WHEN YOURE MEAN THING WAS GOING TO COME UP

literally shut the fuck up mr english major

do it bestie kick him in the balls

SPARE BOOBIES MAAM I CNAT BELIEVE YOU aCTUALLY WROTE THAT OWIFEJWIJEKLJFOIEWHOEWIFEHFLKEWJFKLEWJKLJFL

IM WHITE IM ALLERGIC TO SPICE WEJFLKJFKLEJFLKJSKLJKFSJD

“character development at its finest” what a self aware king

y/n stop being mean to him baby just wants to feel close ☹️

“I’m anemic” ok king whatever u say

“ME AND MY CHRONIC ILLNESS IM SENSITIVE” IJFKLSDJFKLJSDKLJ

ahhhhhhh it’s yoga time

“just ask your cervix” jlksdjflksdjflkdsjflk

“if only you knew” ☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️☹️

yeah y/n isnt like those other girls 🤪 shes different 🤪

yes bestie objectify him

THERE IT IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THIS ENTRIE BOOK

PERHAPS MY FAVORITE LINE IN ANY BOOK EVER

“He hasn't been this stiff since rigor mortis”

i think about this on a daily basis i truly do

grey shorts? what a slut

“call the lapd im pressing charges” me after walking up the stairs

OH SO THIS IS WHERE THE GREYS ANATOMY CHARACTERS FROM THE SPOILERS WITHOUT CONTEXT COME IN

him using his shirt as a towel im BARKING

“I wasnt jealous” yea ok 😃

AGAIN HIM DRAWING HIS INITIALS ON HER SKIN THATS SO WOIJFSKLDJFLSJ

yeah harold she just wanted a little kiss 😤

yeah 😃 its bc he ran track 😃

no bc thats so fucking cute that she pretended she had never seen the show before bc he was excited to introduce her to it 🥺

I would do the same tbh i feel like it would be fun to wash dishes with harry idk why

“that skank” oisjksldfjklsjfklsdjflkd

YOUR THICK SKULL COULD DAMAGE THE MARBLE LSKFJKLDSJKFLSDJFKLSJFKLSJKLSJLDKFJLSKDJF I WOULD CRY

he gets her a cup of water 🥺

ok but like wouldn't she want to wash her hair after it got all sweaty at yoga

awwwww she got his toothbrush ready for him why am i so soft rn

memory foam mattresses sound nice but actually they kind of suck bc you sink down and feel trapped in them 😃

HE WATCHED THE TIKTOK SHE SENT HIM IM HAVING A THIRD STROKE

niall is probably on the dumbest side of tiktok idek what side but it’s probably annoying and he thinks it’s hilarious

noooo baby youre not a monster🥺 someone give him a hug rn

well actually you are kind of a monster but its ok we still love u bestie

I too run on caffeine and pizza pockets 😌

TONSIL HOCKEY WHAT THE FUCK OIEJFLSDKJFKLSDJFLSJLKFJSDKLFJ

chatsnap hes such an old man 😭

true lmao if you dont have social media i immediately dont trust you

not the i just washed my hands tiktok 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

HE FEELS STRANGELY PERCIEVED RN KJFLSJFLKSDJ IDK WHY THIS IS SO FUNNY TO ME BUT IM LIKE LEGIT LAUGHING

DO IT BESTIE BITE HIM CHOMP CHOMP

“my eyes are stinging” hes such a baby 😭

“MY SIGH”TS ALL FUZZY” SJFKDSLJFLKDSJFLKDSJFLK

“are you all right” “I dont know :(’ i cant handle this my face hurts from smiling lksjflkjafklj

he has a kitchenaid stand mixer omg thats so sexy

ok but has anyone ever gotten salmonella from raw cookie dough bc i think thats just a myth

fuck u for that one vampy

wow he could never deal with my chronically ill ass

WAIT IS IT WAP

NOPE ITS BETTER LSDFJSDKLFJDS

I agree body is absolutely an instrumental masterpiece

I KNEW HE KNOWS SOME TIKTOK DANCES I KNEW IT

“I know youre kinda into that (getting smacked in the face)” SHUT UPPPPPPP SKJFSKDLJFDS

NOT HIM TWERKING SLKFJSDKLFJDSKLFJDSKL

YES YN GET THAT VIDEO AND BLACKMAIL HIM

“I think i popped something” ok old man 😭

why is the word wench so funny lkfjslkfjdslkfjsdlkfj

dont hand it over i want to see him snap

OH SHIT HE JUST JUMPED THE TABLE LSDFJSDKLFJLKDNMNXCMNJKHOIUIOEUR

oooooooooooo

OH MY GOD AGAIN SHE REALLY IS BOLD SLKDFJDSKLFJLSKDJFLKJFS

not guerrilla warfare 😭😭😭😭

do it bestie give him a concussion he deserves it

“no piece of art could ever compare to her” 🥺🥺

“remember that time you told me making out was childish” “no” i hate him 😭

THERE IT IS AGAIN “sex isnt the only way he can feel close to someone anymore” SHUT THE FUCK UP IM SOBBING

this reminds me of the dehydrated intercourse with demonrry

“don’t care, relationships are about sharing’ hes so sdjfksldjfklsjf

DO IT BESTIE KICK HIS KNEECAPS IN

suing disney for false advertisement 😭

THIS SCENE IS KILLING ME LKJFKLSJFLDSJ “just pucker your lips over it” “You have actual brain damage, dont you?” DREA I LOVE YOU KSDJFLDSKJFLKSDJ

how do those bubbles taste babe

ok drea wtf i was so happy and now this??????

“everything’s wrong” NO SHUT UP SHUT UP ITS HAPPY HOURS

not the boob privileges 😭

WAIT THIS IS FROM THE BSE MV ISNT IT “dance is just so hot rn” “depressing shades are just so hot rn”

NOT HIM GETTING ALL STUTTERY WHEN HE ASKS HER IF SHE WANTS A DRAWER 🥺

NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN THIS GENTLE WITH HIM BEFORE WTFFFFFFFF IM CRYING

“youre so fucking cute, my baby” me when i see literally any picture of him

JELLO HAS a STRONGER BACKBONE THAN THIS KSFJSDKLFJDSKLFJ

“betrayed. objectified. taken advantage of. used. “ i hate him sm 😭😭

OH MY GOD IS SHE GONNA SHAVE HIS FACE THATS SO CUTE IM

SHE ISsSSSSS IM SQUEALING

stop him worrying she’ll think it's weird and wont want to do it 🥺

“bold of you to assume id ever be convicted” PLS DREA LAKFJDKSLFJ

“the more you talk, the more appealing manslaughter sounds” I CHOKED DLSKFJDSKLFJDKSJFDSKLJ

HIM WHISTLING TO GET HER ATTENTION WHY IS THAT SO CUTE

Im sorry but its really funny to me how you wrote the sentence “wrong metal, he thinks ironically” … get it ? like IRONically lkfjdslkfj im sorry i’ll show myself out

“this boy?” what a fucking cutie i want to kick him

I forgot what a bop helpless is thanks for reminding me im gonna go listen to the entire soundtrack again-

theyre so fucking cute i hate them

so yea bascally this is the best thing ive ever read and i love you so much and my face hurts from smiling :)))

#annotations #ysijwa

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lostinyourparadise98 · 4 years

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Let You Go

a/n: I hope you all enjoy! please like and share this one is kind of long (:

“You know I will always support you but I cannot let you do this.”

I roll down the sleeves of my sweater letting the fabric swipe away the tears that pool from my eyes. Ive told myself over and over again to never let it get to this point. To never let anyone see how much I love him but its too late.

“I can't do this Brooke, its too hard.” My voice comes out as a whisper as Brooke sits beside me on the cold bathroom tile. She rests her head against the wall grabbing my hand in hers and sighing deeply.

“The wedding is tomorrow pet, you cannot just bail he is your best friend.”

Ive spent most of my life convincing myself that one day I would build up the courage to tell him the truth. That one day he would see me across the room, look into my eyes and that would be it. He would smile while walking over to me and kiss me till the world melted away. Sometimes life doesn't work out that way. So, here I am sitting on my bathroom floor with my roommate the day before the love of my life gets married, fighting with what I want to do and with what I know I have too.

“I cant even say his name without crying Brooke ” I rest my head on her shoulder.

“Im going to be honest with you okay? This i going to be the hardest thing you will ever have to do but I promise you, when you look back you won't regret it. You can't just disappear you have to take tomorrow as an opportunity to receive closure. To, to-”

“Let him go?” I finish her sentence

“Yes lovely, its time to let him go.”

The next morning

The sun shines bright today as I stand in front of the mirror. I run my hands along the side of my dress making sure everything is in place. The peach colored fabric runs a couple of inches above my feet. I don't normally wear backless but Brooke talked me into it. My hair is neatly curled falling just below my shoulders.

“Y/n! Gemma is here.” Brooke calls for me.

Taking one last look at myself I head downstairs following Brooke and Gammas laughter in the kitchen. My eyes land on Gemma she looks absolutely stunning she is practically glowing.

“Y/n look at you, oh my goodness you look amazing.” She pulls me in for a hug

“You look incredible Gem.”

“Thank you sweets. Well what do you say are you ready to go?”

no no no no no no

“Yes all set!”

“Have a good time you two. You both look beautiful ill pick you up later Y/N.” Brooke walks us to the door

We make our way to Gammas car. I have to continuously remind myself to breathe. I need to get it together.

“Hey wait.” Gemma lightly grabs my hand

“whats up did you forget something?” I ask

“Are you okay?” Her eyes are filled with compassion and love

“Of course I'm okay why would you-”

“Y/n you're my brothers best friend I have known you my entire life you don't have to pretend around me.” Holy shit she knows

“What are you talking about?” Please don't make me talk about this

“y/n, don't play with me I see you. Its the way you look at him, hell even in the way you say his name. You love him.”

“Please Gemma I can't”

“I know my love, I know. I am so sorry y/n you have no idea how much I am hurting for you, I promise you I will be here for you okay? If you need to take a breather or something is too much for you to handle just tell me and we will get through it together.”

“You shouldn't have to do that Gem its your brothers wedding day. You should be happy celebrating him not babysitting me.”

“I love my brother more than anything on this planet but that doesn't mean I have to agree with everything he does.”

“Gem Emma is perfect for Harry. She makes him over the moon happy that is all I want for him. I guess thats what makes it worse she absolutely lovely, not a bad bone in her body.”

“Don't get me wrong I adore Emma but its always been you two, always. trust me I'm not the only one who thinks so.”

“Who else knows?”

“My mum, well its basically obvious to everyone but Harry. Tell you the boy is clueless.”

“He doesn't love me Gem I have to accept it.”

“You're the strongest person I know y/n.”

The car ride to the church is spent with Gemma filling the air with small talk. I can tell she is trying to distract me bless her soul. There is nothing on this Earth that could pull me away from this pain. I should have told him why the hell did I not take a chance. What if he felt the same way, what if-

“y/n? you ready.”

It takes me a moment to realize that we have arrived to the church. I take a deep breathe and nod. I step out of the car and force myself to smile. This is going to be a very long night.

We step through the doors and I am taken back by how beautiful the church is. We are one of the first people here Anne greets us right away, hugging Gemma first then making her way to me. She immediately wraps her arms around me and whispers.

“He is looking for you I can come up with something if you're not ready to see him.” I pull away

“No, Its okay I'm ready.” Anne leads me to the back room where Harry is we both stand blankly in front of the door.

“I love you my sweet girl let know if you need anything.”

“Thank you Anne I love you too.” She gently smiles and quietly walks away

I can feel my heart fall to my throat. My hand begins to shake as I slowly lift it and begin knocking.

“Come in.” His voice causes my heart to race my mouth goes dry I slowly turn the knob and enter.

Harry stands in front of a tiny mirror adjusting his curly hair. He turns to face me and his face turns up into a bright smile. This is so hard

“Hey, there you are come in.” the sun light streaming through the window causes his skin to radiate a heavenly glow. His eyes, My God those eyes I never want them to leave mine.

“Look at you, you look so handsome ” don't cry don't cry don't cry

He walks closer to me, “Thank you petal, you know its crazy to think that you use to be taller than me.”

“Oh hush you'll shrink down by the time you're forty. You'll probably be balding by then too.”

He dramatically gasps, “Okay now you've crossed a line.” we both chuckle as he walks behind me grabbing two glasses and a bottle of champagne. He pops the Champagne open and begins pouring.

“I don’t think Ive ever been this nervous.” he hands me a glass

“You’ll be fine you have nothing to worry about.”

“I need you to know that it means the world to me that you're here. You're my best friend and I could not imagine doing this without you.”

“Of course Harry what are friends for?” He steps closer to me

“Can you promise me something?” His eyes poor into mine, it takes everything in me not to fall into his arms and confess everything. All I can do is nod as he continues.

“Promise me that we will be in each others lives forever. That we will spend holidays together and our kids will grow up and become best friends just like we did.”

“I promise.” I raise my glass to his clinking it

“Heres to forever.”

“To forever.” A forever next to a man I can never have.

The ceremony begins, I watched Harry step up to the alter messing with his fingers as he waits for his bride. A nervous habit he has never been able to break. Theres a moment when everything goes silent my eyes are glued to Harry. His eyes are wide, his smile the brightest I have ever seen. I can't stop myself from grinning along with him. He looks so happy, Emma makes her way closer to him their eyes are focused on each other. I watch him mouth the words ‘I love you’ and in that moment my heart shatters.

They exchange their vows giving the rest of their lives to one another. I sat in silence counting all the times I could have confessed. Once the ceremony ends I drive with Niall and Louis to the reception. Its nice to get pulled out of reality for awhile. Louis is the best person to go to when you need a distraction. Once we reach the reception I find my name tag and take my seat. I'm able to get through dinner and make polite conversation. The Dj announces Mr and Mrs. styles are about to have their fist dance. I couldn't sit through it, I had to excuse myself.

I tried my best to be inconspicuous as I snuck through the back. The cool summer breeze kissed my skin, the sun began to set as I listened to their song in the background. I have never felt so empty. I couldn't hold back anymore I let myself unravel I let every tear Ive ever held back fall.

I didn't realize how long I was outside till the moon began to rise. I was suddenly pulled away from my thoughts when the back door opened.

“y/n? What are you doing out here I have been looking all over for you.” I can't bring myself to face him.

“y/n? petal its freezing out here.” I feel him begin to wrap his tux around me but I pull away.

“You don't have to do that I'm okay.” he stands closer to me

“Have you been crying?”

“I’m okay its probably just the wine you know how I get.” I try my best to keep my voice calm but the lump in my throat gets bigger and bigger

“Hey, hey, hey look at me. You can talk to me y/n its me.”

“Harry please just go inside Ill be okay I promise just go back and enjoy your wedding.”

“I can't enjoy it knowing you’re out here by yourself crying. You haven't even danced with me yet.” I can't help but chuckle at his concern

“Come on please petal come dance with me I have a song picked out and everything.”

“Harry I can't, Im sorry I just can't.”

“Thats okay we can dance right here.”

“Here?”

“well you won't go inside come on come here.”

He wraps his hands around my waist and I place mine on his shoulders. We slowly sway back and fourth even though the Dj is playing a fast paced song. I can't handle looking at him so I place my head on his shoulder.

“Petal I want you to know that whatever is bothering you will get better. I will be here when you are ready to talk about it. I want you to enjoy yourself tonight I can't stand to see you sad. Emma will be heartbroken if she knew you were so upset.” And with that I lost it again, I pulled away from him.

“I have to go Harry.”

“What why?”

“I can't handle this anymore.”

“y/n please talk to me you're freaking me out.”

“Its too much I will ruin everything if I tell you.” He grabs my hands in his attempting to calm me down

“Please just talk to me I promise you aren't going to ruin anything.”

“You are the most important person in my life Harry. You have been here for me my entire life and your friendship means the world to me. I thought I could push it away, I thought I would be able to do this but its impossible because I'm in love with you. I don't expect you to do or say anything I just needed you to know. I will leave and you won't have to worry about me intruding I promise I am so sorry for ruining everything I just-”

He wraps his arms around me and pulls my body close to his chest. I slowly bring my arms around him, hugging him back. I hear him sniffle and realize he is crying. He pulls away for a moment and puts his forehead against mine

“I should have told you.” he whispers

“What?” This can't be happening

“Its always been you y/n.”

“You can't say that to me Harry this can't happen its too late.”

“I know.” Tears streaming down both of our face

“Its best for the both of us if I disappear for awhile Harry.”

“Petal please don't you're my best friend, I love you.”

“I love you too but this is too hard I can't watch you kiss her its too painful I just need some time.”

“Please don't do this.”

“Harry I have to let you go.”

“I know that you understand that I love Emma with all my heart. She makes me so happy and for a long time I was convinced I would never have that. She is my wife and I will always honor and be loyal to her. But that will never change the fact that you will always be my first. It was you from the beginning, you will aways be in my heart fucking always. Promise me you won't let this change us please.”

“I can't promise that. I just need to go away for awhile please don't be upset with me.”

He leans down and presses his lips to my forehead.

“I could never be upset with I just can't believe we have to-”

“Let each other go.” we say in unison

He let me go.

Hope you all enjoyed!!! sorry if none of it makes sense I never edit my work lol

#Harrystyles #harry styles #watermelon sugar #kiwi #fine line #lights up #one direction #harrystylesimagines #harry styles fanfic #harrystyles2019 #Niall horan #liam payne #louis tomlinson

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heads-in-the-clouds-spacecadet · 4 years

Text

When asked to write a daily diary for anxiety management.

Here are a few days example....

Sunday 24th

Mood/anxiety = numb.

Additional meds =8mg of diazipam.

My whole body aches yet it shouldn't. My stomach is growling yet i feel physically sick.

Things i ask myself....

Q.1 Will i leave my safe space, weighted blanket & mountain of pillows?

A.1 NO.

Q.2 Will i manage my yoga routine

A.2 NO

Reasons....Why

I feel exhausted even though ive not been outside since Thursday. I just want the aching to subside the pain to leave. My jaw is clenched closed making eating an ordeal. I know this needs to be done.

The dread of what passive aggressive message/s ill receive today either in person or written either way im struggling to motivate myself to move.

The Internet has been blocked for nearly a wk now. But i just let it slide as the saying goes choose your arguements "wifi is not the hill i want to die on" quote from TBBT. I hear Luke (my brother) is now in his bedroom and his door is closed. He has been banging around the house sending passive aggressive messages (sms) since 4am. My belongings that i left downstairs were thrown into my room. I'm nervous to leave my room till i know he is asleep.

Flashback/negative thoughts....

1. How can my baby brother be an emotional manipulator.

2. Last time i had to justify my everymove i was in Portugal in a very bad relationship.

*****Ways im looking to excuse his behaviour. Find the cause to my sudden crash of low mood aka depression with a nice battle of anxiety.

---Logically i know its not the same.

---Emotionally it hurts the same.

The way he looks at me with disgust, resentment & impatience is the trigger. I realise this. How someone you love can make you feel this way.

Solution: i decide to find a solution to the sudden conflict of money and i know there is a receipt in the car. I go to the normal place the keys are kept and theyre no where to be found. I look in all the obvious logical places they could be and realise theyre hidden by my loving brother. His Reasons, 1-to stop me buying shit (his words). 2. He has decided its his house, his car so therefore his rules. (Its all my mums btw)

As im downstairs i notice the kitchen is a mess. Pots all over from a feast Luke cooked up the night before. Or should i say 2am.

So i feel defeated. Ive basically been cleaning non stop everytime i use a room as per gov guidelines and he just doesnt seem to comprehend the severity of the situation.

I decide i need to eat. So i opt for Shreddies with Oat Milk (Luke has a serious milk allergy to the milk proteins in cows milk so im not fussed about milk and am happy to use alternatives) topped with vanilla soya yogurt, bannana, a few cranberries, 3 strawberries, sultanas and crushed Almonds. My logical brain is telling me eat well as we are not leaving the bedroom again unless desperate.

I send a few messages to the family whats app (Luke refuses to be a part of this) and receive encouraging and support in return. Everyone is struggling in their own way so i appreciate having a small outlet between us all.

After food i sleep finally.

Trying now to Ready myself for round 2 which i know is coming.

My mum calls i dont want to answer but i do. I explain the situation. She knows, she has dealt with his angry behaviour since he was 11yrs old. She stated she is coming to visit Tuesday as per new gov guidelines and we will meet in the park. She then asks me to pass the phone to Luke which i pointblank refuse. Im not ready for round 2 yet. Especially since he has his own phone he is just not answering making everyone worry about him but he just resents it. Its safe to say im proud i refused to do something. Gold star award ⭐

Monday 25th

Mood/Anxiety - still no change from yesterday but i decide i have to force myself to move. Wash, clean and pack the additional things my mum has requested.

Additional meds - i decided against taking anything today as i need to be clear headed for my appointment Tues and obvs my mums visit.

I check the weather see its a nice day decide washing is task 1. I set a bath running (multi tasking saving time from all the free time) and head downstairs to pop the washing machine on. Before i left my room i checked my phone for messages i have one from my mum telling me she has had words with Luke and that he needs to basically deal with the resentment in a more positive way.

This explains all the banging and loud music yesterday early eve. He decided to actually clean.

Anyhow I head downstairs. Kitchen is clean, messages all wiped from the black board.

I decide i must try and communicate with Luke as we cant take the conflict with us to the park it isnt fair to our mum.

I can hear him moving so send a sms message asking if he wants anything in the oven. No response. ***He did finally get out of bed at 3pm so a peaceful day so far.

I decide food is required. I opt for protein soya burgers x2 with Spinach, tomatos, avacado, sultanas, almond pieces and some crumpets. I sit in the garden to eat.

All washing is out and drying but im to anxiety ridden and unmotivated to enjoy the sunshine.

I head back to my room to sort bits for my mum and throw away my origami collection. It was over taking my room and again causing conflict.

Lukes awake!!!. I decide to say hello. So far so good. He decides to make himself lunch and throws a fit because i ate a £0.45 avocado. I walk away as i know he is just venting and i need to not start the circle of negative thoughts or interactions. This is rewarded with resentment. Luke suddenly decides to do his own washing and cut the grass. Which means my washing is in his way. Before he even starts i am pulling in whats dry mainly because i want to go back to bed and need my bedsheets but also because he wont care if my washing turns green or is damaged. To my delight my sheets are dry but my pjs etc need another 30mins so i leave them whilst i go and make my bed.

Im bellowed at about washing as Luke needs the line. So i head down stairs to reteive the rest of my belongings.

Self soothing thoughts...

Im walking on eggshells trying not to provoke the beast and i need to keep going. Focus on my achievements. I left my room. I cleaned myself, my clothing and my pillow fort which has been my safe zone for the past 4days.

Deep down thought i am disappointed as i know isolation and distancing is not a long turn solution as the yrs pass im becoming more and more isolated and lonely.

Im downstairs again and i ask Luke if he wants anything popping in the oven as i was having toast. He requested 2 burgers and chips but on seperate trays as he was hungry. Easy to do popped into the oven. 40mins later chips are cooked he is plating up and all he says is "why have you cooked so many chips, clearly we now live in a household of wastefulness".

This was the turning point for me id had enough for 1day and just told him to give it a rest and went to my room.

Im dozing with Big Bang on in the backround and Luke is banging on my door. Mums on the phone. Confirming arrangements for tomorrow. I say a few oks with the occasional nod.

I start packing the bits n bobs my mum has asked for and carry then downstairs so theyre ready for the car tomorrow am.

Its PJs and bed time. Luke has other ideas. He is awake and up and about at 4.30am. Having a bath at 5am, doing weights after his bath at 6am then leaves in the car at 7am. He is back around 8am banging has a shower then decides to leave again in the car. He is meant to be house-bound until July 1st. This in itself causes me anxiety as i cant handle watching another member of my family die in front of my eyes.

Thoughts...

Yes this is VERY dramatic. STOP IT BRAIN!

Take precautions all will be ok.

Tuesday 26th

Mood/Anxiety = No change

Additional meds = 4mg diazipam but late afternoon as i couldnt stop shaking and fidgeting.

My mum is coming to visit. Im trying not to think about the fact Luke is out of the house.

We are having a picnic social distancing style.

We head to the coop as Luke has decided even after knowing our mum all his life never be on time, we have to be early. I buy Costa coffee, fresh bread, hummus, bananas, diet coke and some biscuits the nature valley ones theyre really good. Luke doesnt go into the shop I think at least he is listening to some rules. He rolls his eyes as i spray the shopping with dettol spray and use the alcohol hand sanitizer for my hands and door handle etc. I just tell him its how it needs to be done.

We find a perfect parking spot under a bunch of trees. I notice that all the trees are trimmed in a very even shelf across the bottom. It looked like it was designed perfectly for people to walk straight onto the park from the car park without having to fight with tree branches or go around. But in actual fact its the deer. They eat the lower leaves this made me smile and relax for a moment. WIN.

My mum is late so im nervous that she is

1. Stuck somewhere (over reaction)

2. Lost (over reaction)

3. Just running late (normal reaction)

Im a tad fidgety as im aware i have an appointment in 2hrs. Hurry up MOTHER...

I ponder about work and whether or not ill still have a job to return too. Had an email this am stating theyre cutting 200jobs from the team i work in. So not sure if thats a good thing or not. But its also increasing my anxiety as ive read the email and now have a burning desire to do the research to see what my probability of keeping my job will be. Before my brain can go on a major tangent my mum arrives.

Shes brought Oscar (her poodle) he is so excited to see me. And the big hairy fluff ball gave me the biggest snuggles. He has a major Covid hairdoo. My mum doesnt hug me which hurts but i know she cant.

Picnic time. We sit in the middle.of a field away from everyone. Social distancing 10/10. My mum has made me my favourite cakes, rock buns. (Apparently these are a northern thing) but im feeling the love. Its fairly chilled only 1 disagreement with Luke over blinkin avocados.

Im clock checking and aware of impending appointment, im a little (understated) nervous because ive not had positive relationships with therapists or doctors in the past.

#mental health #lost #hurting #help #self reflection #finelinebetweenloveandhate #still breathing #GAD #recovery #survivor

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thoughtfulpaperback · 4 years

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Charmed 02x08 Review SPOILERS!!!!

Sorry this took so long y'all. Family stuff just blew up in my face this month has been just terrible it's been terrible since the end of november to be honest, so I just wasnt in the mood to review. But I shall starts. In general i liked the episode 8/10 for me. I like the pacing, the general plot advancing. I liked it, but I have some complaints though. So let's just get those out of the way. So I'll do pros and cons by subject since there were things I both disliked and liked about each thing.

1. Hacy

Let's just get this big guy out of the way. So abby and Harry kiss was a big no for me, although it was hot for sure.

Now there has been a lot of back and forth about this so I actually wanted to compare to the things that bugged me about Macyx galvin and where I thought one does better than the other.

Communication

So like Harry and Macy do not communicate well with each other right now. I feel that thier communication issues though are better (or at least make more sense to me) than Macy x Galvin.

Macy while communicating with Galvin, as far as arranging things, was bad, but with her kiss on halloween she did make her interest in Galvin known. They both had an understanding that they were interested. So I thought the whole Summer ordeal was worse in that sense because, while the follow through was poorly done, Macy's interest was stated.

With Harry and Macy, it appears that neither of them have stated any interest to one another (neither has told the other thier feelings) and neither is aware. So harry kissing some one else isnt as bad to me as the Galvin x Summer situation because of that (speaking about this area soley).

The passive aggressiveness of Harry and Galvin in certain situation isnt comparable because Harry is doing it more.I felt Harry's reactions are more justified (we will get to the hypocritical portion later) in that he is going through the wringer, is hurting and confused, and self-deprecating and many of us agreed that the thought of Macy preferring Jimmy would be bad and hurtful to Harry and logically make no sense. But harry has more scenes than Galvin did in season one so he feel more passive aggressive than Galvin, but I attribute that to screen time and proximity to the Macy (he always there so more time and chances to interact). But also, for me, Galvin wasnt as passive agressive and his sometimes aggressive or snideness wasnt because of Macy. Outside stuff (problems with summer) would make him snap or his trauma also caused him to snap so the situations are comparable there but, again Harry has more screen time so his snapping feels worse to me because it happens multiple time in one episode versus one or twice in a whole season. Since the situation ( and right now I am speaking soley on the summer x Galvin situation) was different. I am up in the air I as to which was "worse" i think both situations are sucky and i think i am more bothered by Galvin x Summer because again Macy had actually expressed her interest (communication wise) but the hacy situation feels more full of that passive aggressiveness and that will turn it into something I really cant get behind. Right now I feel Harry is in a bad place and probably shouldnt be with anyone until he get himself settled personally.

Love triangle/square or whatever

So like with summer x Galvin it wasnt really a love triangle I mean kind of but not really. Galvin didnt pursue Macy while with summer and was generally nice during that time. Summer wasnt necessarily the jealous girlfriend stereotype she was nice, but did call out suspect behavior.

The abby xharryx Macy x jimmy thing is like aweful. It is the love triangle that I hate most at least where the abbyxharryxmacy part is concerned.

I mentioned it before but I hate when one or two people use another person as a means of getting release/relief when they are actually interested in someone else. I think it is cruel to both the used character and the main LI. Worse when both are using others because twice the cruelty. IDK what was going on in Harry's head. But I have never like that type of love triangle, and worse so because it is possibly the other type of triangle I hate which is (usually guy) caught between two ladies and one is clearly the villian (I thank novelas for this gem *sarcasm*) and it is mostly a lust thing.

Especially given that James Westwell was a serial cheater, apparently, this idea of "I love one person but am in lust with the other despite thier character" is like the worst to me. Abby is straight up an ambitious murder, and like I guess that maybe Harry's default type because Charity had similar qualities, but again for a guy who supposedly has strong feelings for Macy and was so confused and hurt by her attraction to Jimmy (which apparently wasnt attraction at all) the ease of him doing the very thing he was mad about , and the ease of being able to push aside his feeling for Macy and give in to that abby kiss was gross.

Sorry but although they werent together, for me, guys who can do that easily should be on our cheater radar. Knowing that James was a serial cheater just makes it worse imo.

While the summer x Galvin situation felt worse on the communication front (expressed feelings) it was better done than here because there is a lot more grossness in the dynamics of the love shape thing right now.

Overall, I get Harry isnt in a place to be with anyone and it's all confusing and he is lashing out. He has not told Macy his interest and neither has she so he shouldnt be held to the boyfriend standards. But still the writers are toeing the line here. What happens next will actually help me define whether this turns into a Galvin situation where I end up not liking the two characters together. If Harry tries to continue the passive aggressiveness about Macy and Jimmy. I'll be done. I mean if he does have feelings for abby and trying to move on, but still tries to pull that with Macy it will just be straight up manipulative. Right now I am like okay he was lashing out and I get it and the abby kiss is probably a big mistake. He can continue the mistake path if the writers wasnt to go there, but if he doesnt recognize that he did something hypocritical and still comes for Macy about Jimmy it will be very very wrong.

I think they for sure need to clear the air but if the writers wait to long or do too much damage I wont be satisfied with the clearing of the air.

I am not necessarily mad right now over the abbyx Harry thing because I am waiting to see how they will handle and present it, but I mean it is on that line and writers need to watch out. I dont think Harry was trying to be manipulative and the lashing out happened before abby kiss. As long as the lashing out (at Macy) doesnt continue I will watch and support the development and exploration of thier relationship and dynamic with the others.

2. Maggie

So like Maggie shows her naivety here and I am not that mad. Like she isn't pulling a "I am so in love and blind to the world" thing she makes her decision based on what she thinks will do the most good for the most people. It is still naive, but she is still maturing and you can see that. Her wanting her sisters to trust her judgment and not feel like they have to baby her is reasonable although again those insecurities clouded the main issues here. She is growing and I shall see how she continues to mature.

3. Mel

I think they tried to fit some personal development for mel here and it both worked and didnt work. I thought it wasnt done badly but at some points I was like....okay could this have been saved for another episode or done beforehand. I wanted to see it, just didn't think it felt in place, especially after leaving the wedding. She just had some development and then was like welp guess I am gonna stumble upon this amber. Like mel could have gotten her new powers before, I mean I felt they could have made the stumble upon the amber scene and new powers at any point before and it could have been more relevant and interesting placed somewhere else than this episode.

4. Abby/overlord/parker storyline

Abby was probably the best thing in this episode. I love her as a villian. I am here for it and I want it.

Parker got dark real quick and while I think he and Maggie shouldnt be together, I am glad he didnt die. Also glad abby clarified that his actions weren't caused by the apple. Because at least OG with Cole the tragedy (the first storyline) was that he made a choice to protect the person he loved but he ended up becoming the source and actually being taken over by the source so his actions were tinted by his OG love but corrupted by that force that possessed him. Where as abby tells him, that that jealousy and want for blood was all him. Maybe the apple and that power made him more likely to act on it than of he hadnt, but it wasnt the apples fault necessarily so. I am glad for the clarification, makes me not want Maggie and him together, but I like that exploration of power and choice. Even with Macy while the power amplified those insecurities she still was making choice which also made her choice to give up that power extra meaningful. Power is corrupting but you can still choose to fight that corruption or give in to it. I like that.

5. Jordan

I love this character to be honest. I am still figuring him out, but like dude is cursed and has been basically touched, punched, and robbed by these guys. He can't catch a break and like nobody even checks on him. Like he so far is a pretty decent although suspicious (like he doesnt trust others easily not like he himself is suspect) guy and I like him but he is getting some serious Darryl treatment right now. I dont like that, but I like him and want to see more of him. Plus, what the heck happened? Did they leave him passed out in the gym? Did they wipe his memory? What is going on?

Episode highlights

Jordan trying to defend maggie and get parker to leave

The power of Four looking fine as heck for a wedding

Mel as a fly talking to herself

Macy walking in on that kiss

#charmed remake #charmed reboot #charmed cw #the cw charmed #charmed #charmed 2018 #hacy #macy x harry #harry x macy #macy vaughn #harry greenwood #abigael caine #mel vera #maggie vera #jordan chase #paker caine

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ruffiorocks · 5 years

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James Olsen and Why he is a terrible character. (Anti James, in case it isn't clear).

So I've been thinking a lot about James Olsen and the reasons why I don't like him that have nothing to do with him getting in the way of Supercorp.

The truth is I haven't liked James Olsen since the first episode. He isn't James Olsen to me. I know I know they changed up the character and people often do this. But James Olsen is a canon and iconic nerd with a camera. To be honest if I didn't know who the characters were already I'd have clocked Winn as James, Winn is more James Olsen than this James is.

I disliked him almost immediately, he was basically there for a fresh start but he also took it upon himself to keep an eye on Kara. I didn't like the fact that he knew Kara's secret, something she should have control over. Imagine if she had just out right told Winn who Clark was? (OK,she and James kind of did by accident while arguing but that's beside the point).

James also instantly started flirting with Kara, probably not what Clark had in mind. Isn't there a bro code? No sisters or only living relatives?

James and Winn both acted all put out when they realized that they both knew Kara’s secret, ‘you told him?!’ Well actually Kara told Winn, she didnt tell James. Neither one has the right to feel indignant here. Kara is allowed more than one person in the know and more than one friend.

James and Winn started a pointless rivalry over who was going to get with Kara, instead of just being the friends she needed. They both even said that Kara wouldn't be into Adam since she wasn't into either one of them!!

James didn't believe that Kara could deal with issues on her own. He told her that even Clark couldn't beat Reactron, therefore there is no way Kara could. He immediately called Clark when she was fighting him, granted he was worried, but it wasnt his place to decide Kara wasn't capable. Especially when it turns out she was capable.

Then Lucy turned up, Kara discovers this by walking in on her and James. James it turns out hadn’t exactly fully broken up with Lucy. She spent time on her career while he neglected her in favor of being up Superman’s ass. She was understandably upset about this. But he decides they should give it another try! He completely forgets that he had been leading Kara on from the moment he set eyes on her. Now his ‘sort of ex’ turns up and Kara is a distant memory. Or is she? James decides that he is still going to give Kara longing looks, which isnt fair on either Kara or Lucy. Granted he doesn't want to take Lucy to game night, but he does and he spends time bonding with Lucy right in front of Kara, no regard for her feelings, and he gives her longing looks all night.

James then starts neglecting Lucy in favor of running to Supergirls side whenever she needs him. Once again doing the same thing he did that caused Lucy to leave the first time. This eventually causes Lucy to leave again, and i dont blame her. Thankfully she doesnt hate Kara for it.

I think General Lane had it right ‘You’re a glorified paparazzi’ yes, he is. That is James’s strength and he should have stuck to it. ‘You surround yourself with special people but that doesnt make YOU special’. Yes, right again General lane. James does do this, he is always surrounded by Superheroes and seems to leech off of their fame.

Remember how into Kara James was? Up until he realized that she in fact not perfect! After the Red K incident, Kara went to see James and apologize and he didnt want anything to do with her. He realized she had faults, and women apparently cant have these, so he basically gets her to leave. Ill give him kudos for not getting with her when she came onto him at the club though.

When Barry Allen turned up James was once again instantly jealous, even though he was the one who had basically rejected Kara. Kara wasn’t even into Barry, she was just excited to have a new friend with Super powers. ‘Jealousy! Thy name is Olsen’ Yes Winn, you are absolutely right! She is allowed friends James!

Season 2 James isnt much better, he has less redeeming qualities. He is instantly jealous of Mon El. He tells Kara that Mon El isnt a hero, like he gets to make that decision. He basically decides to become a hero because everyone else around him was one, Clark and Kara were super heroes, Alex and Lucy worked for the DEO, Jonn was part of the DEO and has powers, Winn even got brought in to work for the DEO, oh and Mon El was instantly welcomed to be a hero and be at the DEO. I see James becoming a ‘hero’ because he was simply feeling left out. At one point he just turns up at the DEO to see Winn. How is he getting past security? Even Jonn tells him to leave and go back to being a photographer.

James talks Winn into basically stealing materials from the DEO to make him a suit, then he gets all pissed at Winn because Winn is taking his time and he does actually have a job! He doesn't want James to get hurt with an uncompleted suit, but no, James is so demanding and yells at Winn! So desperate to be relevant.

He does in fact nearly get himself killed and Kara is understandably pissed! Yes its not up to Kara who gets to be a hero, James uses Mon El as an example here, The difference is though that Mon El had super powers and James had a tin suit and a black belt. James uses the fact that he ‘has a black belt’ as justification for him being a hero. Sorry, but who doesn't have a back belt now? James doesnt even train, he just gets his suit and jumps straight in. Even Kara and Alex had to train! Remember how cocky Kara was and Alex kicked her ass? Alex wasnt even allowed out in the field until months of training! (Her words) But James apparently can just jump in with no issue. I really dont get why Alex didnt put a stop to this.

Anyone who says ‘well Batman, Green Arrow, White Canary etc’ can do it. Yeah but Batman was was trained by the League of Assassins, same as Sara. Oh and Oliver Queen trained and survived for years on a desert Island. He trains every day honing his skills. Do we ever see James train at all?

Then we have James being instantly against Lena. No evidence against her, just her name and the fact that she is related to Lex. He is so prejudice against her, he even vows to prove to Kara that she is guilty, even though she isnt and he doesnt get to prove this.

James is left in charge of Cat Co? Such a dumb story line, What does a photo journalist know about running a multi media empire? Honestly Kara as Cat’s assistant would know more about it that James!

When Lena saves Cat Co, James is surprised she turns up and is staying there. What did he think was going to happen? She would pay millions of dollars for a company and not care about what was going on? ‘Thanks for saving us, i was thinking of setting up weekly meetings and carrying on running Cat Co the way i want to’. Yeah, Lena kind of shot that down didn't she?! ‘Ill be here everyday’ ‘We dont even have an office for you?’ Well she is entitled to your office now James, but she didn't take it did she?. Yes Lena set up meetings without telling James, which she probably shouldn't have, but maybe she wanted to see what was going on without his influence? Even whens she asked why Kara kept running off on the first day James was rude to her and said ‘She’s a reporter its what she does!’.

Then suddenly we have an awkward flirtation. We have that awkward kiss, then James and his creepy hand on Lena’s bare shoulder. Even she looks uncomfortable and squirms out of his grasp. He looks surprised and a little miffed she isnt allowing this. She calls Kara and James ex and he allows her to believe that, this simply isnt true. They had one date at Kara’s loft, then Mon El turned up and Kara forgot she ever liked James.

James had the gall to tell Lena he knew her better than her own best friend does! I mean What the actual f**k?!! Lena steps down when she is under suspicion, somethng James cant bring himself to do later when he is involved with he COL.

James reveals himself as Guardian, no regard for how this will effect Lena in anyway as his boss and girlfriend. He has zero respect for her as his boss. She tells him to stay the hell away from the Children of Liberty and to do the interview with Ben Lockwood. He completely disregards her and goes off to meet with some random member of an Anti Alien Nazi group. he even told her that her opinion didnt matter. No, sorry James but yes it does! If i was Lena id have sacked his ass!

Lena still saves his ass from going to prison for a long time, all the while he insists he can handle it on his own, how? I want to know how he thought he could do that? In fact he doesn't actually do anything to fix the issue. He then throws it in Lena’s face when she tells him not to go back out as Guardian because he will be arrested. Something he doesn't care about because he is so desperate to be relevant and involved. He throws the fact she worries to much and he sorted the DA problem out, forcing her to be like ‘For Gods sake! I did that you moron!’ (i know she didnt say this). He even has the gall to be pissed she saved his ass and he isnt in prison. She tells him she loves him and throws it in her face!

He decided the Children of Liberty decided to be given a voice for some bizarre reason?! He actually thought that by listening to them he could get to know them and change the minds. What a pig headed and dumb thing to think! Good intentions or not that was incredibly nieve and stupid.

He nearly killed Kara by blowing her up, something that could have been avoided altogether if he had just listened to everyone around him and stopped being friends with COL. But no, he knew best?

Lately, he told Lena he supported her, but he clearly didn't since he looked awkward as hell when he was sat up in bed with her asleep beside him. She gave him opportunity to tell her how he felt but instead of talking to her, he placated her and went back to bed with her!

Last episode, he told Lena their relationship was basically over if she went ahead and took the government contact. Simply because he didn't agree he was willing to end them. It's not like she was about to so something evil! But she has to live up to his impossible standards. The poor girl can't win. I'd of ended it with him to. Again, James's opinion on these things aren't really relevant, he can disagree yes, he can have an opinion. But anything he says doesn't matter, he isn't part of the DEO, he isn't a member of the government. He isn't even Guardian anymore because he's not allowed to be. All he is is a CEO of a magazine. He doesn't get a say. This is very like when he gave up on Kara for a while when she suddenly had faults and she wasn't what he envisioned. Same as Lucy, she doesn't give him the power and eveything he wants and suddenly it's over.

James should have continued to be a photographer and stuck to that. He's at his best when taking pictures. He believes he deserves to be a hero, it's 'his calling'. No it isn't, do you think it would be his 'calling' if he wasnt associated with actual heroes? Of course not. All I see a jealous, immature guy who sees those around him being heroes and being relevant to the defence of the world and he feels the need to be part of it. He could have been a different type of hero with his camera. Once he got some authority he suddenly became even more arrogant and had a sense of self entitliment. He dated his boss and suddenly thought he didn't have to listen to her. He could act on his own accord. Not one thought to what Cat Co's CEO'S affiliation with an Anti Alien Terrorist Group would do his girlfriends reputation. Poor Lena who has gone out of her way to distance herself from anti alien sentiment, James used her company for his own self gain. Then he got pissed at her when she tried to protect him, all the while thinking of him, maybe she was thinking of protecting her company to. He doesn't think of her even once. He actually pushes her so far she had to pull rank on him. Something he still had the arrogance to ignore. It's all about James and what James wants.

James is a fool who thinks he should be a hero. He wants women to be exactly what he expects them to be. If they do things he doesn't approve of he suddenly loses interest .

James should either leave, go back to Metropolis or go back to being the photographer he should be.

FYI, James does have good qualities, but they doesn't outweigh his bad ones.

#lena luthor #supergirl #kara danvers #anti james olsen #anti guardiancorp

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thelucidprophetus-blog · 5 years

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Side Character In My Own Life

People always say that we think of ourselves as the main character of our lives' story. But I don't want to be the main character. All I want to do is be the side character in the back round that occasionally helps or gets a bit of screen time then I go back into the back round. For as long as I can remember I never really had dreams or ambitions. All I wanted was to work a normal decent paying job and get what normal people have with a wife and a family. If you want to call that a dream then go for it but to me it is the bare minimum. I know a lot of people don't have and maybe will never have that. However, I figured I would eventually find that “happiness” I know it isn't normal to feel and think how I do. I absolutely love being alone and spending time by myself if it is watching videos or playing video games I know I’m depressed and oh boy it's not fun. But when I go out with people, I’m always trying to be the “class clown” funny guy. I guess the thing people say about the most depressed people try to make others happy because they know what is like to truly be sad and depressed. I’m selfish, though, because I do some what enjoy the attention. Though when people then try to give it to me, I don't know, it just makes me feel wrong and I dislike it. Then I’ll go and distance myself, because I have abandonment issues, but we will get there. Many people have tried to be my friend and get me to go out with them, but I just refuse. when I was younger i just made excuses but now that I’m older i just tell them the truth, that I don’t want to go out, because I found that totally honesty is the best thing, at least to me. I know I take it to far though and just end up being an asshole. I don’t pretend to try and care about stuff and people when i really don’t, I just tell them that i don’t care and that I’m sorry but they should really talk to someone else. But when I see someone who is truly sad and struggling I cant help myself but try and cheer them up and help them. Usually, I end up pissing them off or scarring them with my brutal honesty and my solutions to their problems, mostly because they don’t like them. Anyways that’s just a little about my character. My actual story is kinda sad, but I don’t see it that way. My family always says I handle things well and make them laugh. I think that’s because all I know to do is joke around and try to make people smile. I have always had a pretty small tight circle. When I was little, I didn’t have a lot of friends but enough to be considered alright. I basically played any sport I was allowed to. So that made things easier to make friends. You know. Similar things to bond over and what not. But I lost many friends throughout life just like most people. Even some of my closest friends. Either from moving away or me messing things up. This is just one part of why I don’t get close, though. Another is because of my father. He passed away when I was eight on thanksgiving morning. I was staying at one of my friends houses that I would eventually loose. Due to me loosing a parent while i was at a friends house for almost a year i refused to spend the night not at home because i was scarred id loose my mother as well. I’m not gonna pretend to remember everything about that day because I don’t. But from what i do remember without peoples help hurt for awhile, hell maybe it still does but I’m just so numb i cant tell. Anyways, after loosing more friends and becoming more and more colder. Plus getting bullied, nothing to serious just normal kids stuff, added to that. Eventually, I made “the friend group” the one that you start spending everyday together along with causing trouble and of coarse getting into it. We were honestly so much alike it was basically like we were the same people. The 3 of us were together for a couple of years, and it was a swell time. I knew that some stuff we got into was just not right and we shouldn’t be doing it. I won't get to into it but fighting, drugs, and crime. I don’t know what else you expect from a teenager raised in the south suburbs of Chicago. But I expected better of myself. Even so, with being burned so many times it felt nice to have a new family that was consistent. Eventually, it expanded as most families do. As boys will, we had some fall outs over girls but in the end we got back together and fixed our issues. The core remained the same for quite awhile. But good things must come to an end. One of the main 3 of us started to break off and we just kind of let it happen. Not long after that I found a girlfriend who was my dream girl. Smart, funny, irresistibly adorable. She had dreams and ambitions. Everything I never had. Much to the dismay of my friends she started setting me straight. No more fighting was rule number one. To be honest I didn’t have that many issues with it because I never really liked it that much anyway. Plus I’m rather short so now that we have grown I know I wouldn’t be as good as I was when I was younger and more or less the same size. Next was crime, I stopped stealing and vandalizing stuff. Also didn’t have a problem with that because again I knew it was wrong but just kind of went along with it. Finally was drugs. I have basically tried everything from cigarettes to cocaine and heroin by the time I was 15. Which was when I met her. Usually, I just stayed to the calmer stuff, though, so I figured it wasn’t that big of deal but to her it was. So for the special someone I thought id never find I figure it was worth a shot to stop everything. To rewind a little bit, before her time, I started to connect really well with my grandpa on my dads side. When my dad was around, we were really close. A distanced between us grew a little after he passed. But because he and my grandmother were getting older and couldn’t do what they use to I was there to help and be there for them. We began to get really close. He had an accident one day and broke his hip, because my grandma was bed ridden and all other immediate family had moved away my mother the saint she is stepped up and offer to help them for awhile. During this time my sister and I which didn’t get along at all lived by ourselves for like 7 months. To her if I was alive and she had an idea of where I was things were ok so I basically lived in the “trap house” of my friend group. After I got my new girlfriend though I didn’t feel right being over there. Most because of the drugs and a girl that was there who was a real problem but that’s a story for another day. Now going back to the present. My girl and I were happy. I had gotten my act cleaned up, and she was the ray of hope and sunshine. After 6 months of being together, we were on the way to visit my grandparent with my mom. My girl had basically already become part of my family. I never have brought a girl around them till now and they all loved her. So we got there to visit and as I usually did I went running ahead to wake my grandpa up and make sure he was decent. When I got upstairs to his room, I found him laying on his bed dead and my grandma barely clinging to life. A week later my grandma passed away when we decided to take her off life support. In the coming weeks she was there for me the entire time even though her mother who absolutely hated me for my past refused to let her see me at times. I was a complete mess and didn’t want to step foot in my grandparents house again. So cleaning it out to be sold was real interesting. As time passed I just distanced myself from basically everyone except my girl. I don’t know, the fact that she was there when I found them and the fact that she could leave whenever she wanted but chose not to was something that stuck with me. For the first time when stuff got real hard and uncomfortable, she stayed so I formed a special bond to her. I started working a couple of months later and making decent money for a kid as a server. Saving for the future and everything. Cause to me I wasn’t just saving for me anymore I was saving for our future. Although I was still a kid and would spend a little to much once in awhile nothing to ridiculous just a big gift or dinner. I just wanted to make her happy, so she wouldn’t leave too. But because of everything that has happened in my life, including some stuff I left out of this, I become such a numb person that I never talked about my feelings or stuff that truly mattered to me, and she hated it. Its not like I was an open book before but I at least told her some stuff. Now I didn’t tell her anything. I tried to do everything normal couples would do of talking bout our days and so on but I never talked about me on the inside. The only time we would ever fight, and I mean ever, was when she would beg and plead with me to open up to her after all we had been together for 2 years. But I wouldn’t. I would give her the smallest thing just to get her off my back. I graduated and knew I had to find a job for the long term that paid really well, so I could work towards our future. Then I did, a great warehouse job moving heavy boxes all night long. I loved it, doing hard manually labor and not really having to deal with people and those I did deal with were quite pleasant. I found it, the job I wanted, being the background character and just working hard. I always knew I didn’t want to go to college. Id just find a good job and be fine for life. But for her that wasn’t good enough her dream of being a vet and going to college was what she wanted to do since she was little so of coarse I encouraged her to go somewhere nice and get a good education. Not because of me but with my support she went and got accepted to a nice vetting school. Of coarse I was proud of her but I couldn’t help but be worried about the future so I began to distance myself knowing thing may not work out and to avoid the heart ache of someone leaving again I wasn’t being the best I could be. While at work one night a very heavy box fell off the top of a semi and landed on my head. Now I played a lot of sports, including football like I said so I thought nothing of it and just went back to work even though others were completely terrified for me I thought I was fine and didn’t want to ruin our safety streak. A week later I started suffering from really bad headaches and began throwing up uncontrollably. Thinking about it I just figured I had the flu, but it wasn’t. After not being able to work without throwing up and wanting to die from my headaches we started going to doctor after doctor and getting a procedure or two done we still had no clue what was wrong with me. During this time I became the most I depressed I had ever been in life. I was bed ridden and could hardly if ever go outside without the fear of puking in public. So I isolated myself in my room. Because my mom the saint is a hoarder I never brought anyone to my house and I mean absolutely never, but being the kind girl she is my girlfriend began coming over and for the first time since before my dad died my family regularly had a guest. Of coarse it was kinda gross to her but she didn’t care she got to look after me and make me feel better. But then the time came for her to leave for college and for the first time since my grandpa passed I shed a couple tears. The things were doing alright for awhile but after finding out a couple of things about what was wrong with me things took a turn for the worse. I found out that I’m allergic to 29 out of 31 main environmentals not deathly allergic but bad enough to cause some of my problems. Which means going outside is actually bad for my health. So I stopped going outside almost all together. This took an even greater toll on my relationship even though she was 5 hours away. I became even more depressed because I could no longer go out and play basketball with an old friend of mine which was one of the things I got to do because I worked so much and could only see my girl on the weekends. I was completely alone the only person who my family accepted into our house had left and I couldn’t really go outside without becoming more sick so I was stuck in my room alone. So I spent my days playing Xbox with close friends I made thought the years. This was the only thing to make me happy and bring me up out of my down mood. Well, my girl didn’t like that I spent all my time out of bed playing video games cause she figured if I could do that then I should be able to do something more productive which she wasn’t entirely wrong but because I don’t open up I never really told her how bad my health actually was. When she was over, I always tried my best to keep in good spirits but I couldn’t hide everything. She caught me throwing up a lot it didn’t seem to bother her. So I can only assume she didn’t know how bad things really were. I was always tired and sad and throwing up. And we didn’t have all the answers yet. so as you probably guessed we ended up breaking up which destroyed me but we did have a couple talks in the psst about how i need to get my shit together but she had had enough and was ready to move on. I cant blame her it must have been really tough being with me. Hell I know it was. Her entire family hated me an wanted nothing to do with me no matter what I did. They were always on her back about me, and I don’t blame them either. I didn’t eat anything for 4 days, and I didn’t talk to anyone except the friend I played basketball with because he was the last true friend I had after cutting basically everyone out. Fast forwarding from that super depressing stuff. A coupe months later we found out what was actually wrong with me. On top of having real bad allergies, which I started getting treated for I also had brain damage from the box that fell on my head. The damage was on the frontal lobe where all of our emotions and responses are held. So they chalked how I was acting up to that. I also suffer from post concussive syndrome. Which I’m sure it didn’t help but it only made how I was already worse. Due to doctors recommendation I saw a therapist for a bit, but I know what is wrong with me and I’m extremely logical so she couldn’t help to much but she did help me get a little better physically. I know that may sound strange but she did. Because of her I moved out of my moms house even though I’m scarred that my sis and mom wouldn’t be able to take care of some stuff the mold and dust which I’m allergic to wasn’t good for my health. Thinking my ex might want to hear all the good news I decided to tell her but she couldn’t care less. The warm caring person who was there for me for so long was officially gone and never coming back. So using the inheritance, I got from my grandpa I’ve been living on my own for a year. Sometimes I still struggle with the fact that I’m entirely alone with having no one to talk to, but I still have my Xbox friends and I try going out once in awhile. Not trying to make new friends or anything but just getting out for my mental health. Now that my basketball friend has gone off to the military, I’m truly alone with no one to talk to. I know I could talk to my mother and family but like I said my sis earlier and i never got along, and for my mom. She may be a saint but this isn’t something for her to deal with. She has her own medical problems going on and for the past couple years I’ve been the rock of the family. The truthful one who would help if you asked but would hide his true thoughts about things. I don’t know why I decided to put my life story on here but if feels good to open up and let everything come pouring out. Hell I don’t know if anyone will even read this or how this site entirely works but it give me a place to put everything, and I kind of like it. Opening up and talking about myself. I don’t think I want to be the background character in my life anymore. Living for other people and not wanting to do anything with myself. I don’t know what I will do with my life or myself for that matter. I’m only 20 so I do have a ton of time ahead of me to decide. Thanks to my grandpa I learned what it was like to be a man and I also learned a lot about myself. If it wasn’t for him, I never would be able to move out and live on my own and start working on myself. I learn so much from the people in my life and tried to imitate them to be normal and live a decent life. But it if time for me to be myself, not forgetting the things I learned or picked up on from other people but building on them and adding my own on top of that. Cause no matter how hard I try I do not believe I could ever forget the people who made me who I am. All of the side character in my life helped shape me the main character.

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tibalt-the-fineblooded · 5 years

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For each fanwalker, they are faced with a large beast (Kavu, Baloth, etc.) How do they handle it?

For Ceral, it depends on whether or not he’s doing field work. Is said beasty in his way, or otherwise preventing him from working? If yes, he can and will fight it. If no, he can easily avoid a conflict with anything that can’t fly, but he’ll probably fight it anyways.

Laan is more likely to fight a giant beast if he’s escorting people that he’s found lost in the wilderness. Ceral has told him several times that its not really fighting if Laan just turns into a giant and throws the thing like a shotput. Laan will usually just make a wall of rock between himself and the beast if he’s alone, letting it go about its way.

Except never has any issues when she travels alone, being able to assume any form she wants. Ceral and Laan will offer to deal with anything that shows up when they’re with her, having Y’lona assist for experience.

As she’s still not used to fighting in general, outside of sparring. Y’lona will usually provide support for Ceral and Laan. She’s getting better at fighting on her own but she’s slightly lacking in the confidence section.

Zoya, not being one to leave Ravnica often, doesn’t usually deal with large beasts. As a blacksmith under the employ of the Boros Legion, any time she would have an issue its taken care of by the closest garrison. She does have a darksteel mace at the ready should she need it though.

As a frequent traveler, Atlan is used to coming up against beasts and monsters of all kinds. He does what he can to avoid conflict, with varying levels of success. His sheer strength mixed with his martial prowess allows him to subdue any that are too aggressive if need be.

Having been a pirate on Ixalan for most of his life, Sturn dealt with more that his fair share of sea monsters and dinosaurs. Its not much of a problem with you have an undying crew of skeletons and can kill something by touching it. He would do what he needed to do as long as it kept damage to his ship to a minimum.

Samuel, being an ancient vampire, doesn’t really notice things like beasts. There are very few creatures that would try to hunt a vampire, and most of them aren’t beasts.

Kitai, with and without assistance from her squad, deals with the more common things that can be found roaming the landscape around Benalia. Being about to fly on wings of glass allows her to avoid things she knows she cant win against, but allows her to give air support when its needed.

That huge beast might already be tattooed on Aseri’s skin. She can just summon one to fight for her if needed, or something bigger if she wants. Aseri’s Nyxborn summons are more than enough for the real things, being boosted by her will and magic to be stronger than they were in life.

Cas knows he can’t take on beasts larger than himself, that’s why is so good at running. His skill set and magics aren't suited for that kind of fight and he’s not reckless enough to fight something that could swallow him whole with basic pyromancy and some reinforcement enchantments.

#yawgmoth-lord-of-sin #Tibalt the fire #fanwalkerasks #fanwalker friday #Ceral Redd #Laan Dovar #Except #Y'lona #Zoya #Atlan #Sturn Dregg #Samuel Dusken #Kitai Skalto #Aseri Kalot #Cas Anova

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lets-talk-nonstop · 5 years

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WHY SAKURA IS NOT USELESS I STILL CANT BELIEVE WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS

let’s talk about the all mighty queen Sakura Haruno.

it is the year 2019 i sit with my family. we talk of the good ol days. Playing sonic watching Naruto.

“My favorite character is Sakura”! I say l

“But she’s useless?”

She’s useless..and I hear this all the time oh she’s useless all she does is cry. But I think to myself have we read/watched the same thing? People say Sakura only got good in Shippuden, and I use to agree with that to. But it has been years and I of course have rethought that opinion. Sakura has never ever been useless and let’s discuss why.

Let’s start from the beginning a 12 year old girl from a civilian family becoming a ninja. No bloodline limit, no special family moves, no unique ninjitsu,taijutsu or genjustu(of course she gets skills unique to her later on). but a totally average girl with crush. I remember a lot of “Sakura is so annoying” expecting a 12 year girl to act like an adult lmao. of course Sakura has done some things that can be quite questionable mostly due in part to the writing. But she is just an average girl, she is a child. She gets annoyed,she can be obnoxious and immature but it seems like people glance over her compassion and determination.

Let’s go way back even more before the beginning of the show. a young bullied girl who became friends with Ino. To me this friendship was the start of what Sakura always wanted to be, a strong confident girl. And people need to understand that she did not become a ninja for Sasuke in any way her crush came later on. Ino is someone she looks up to. Ino who told her not to hide her forehead and to proudly display even giving her a headband to push back her bangs. Sakura eventually feels like shes in Inos shadow, she wanted to be Ino’s equal. The crushes they both had on Sasuke brings a wedge into their relationship but it wasn't everything. Ultimately their rivalry was to be better than the other, to grow.

I think Sakura in general was the most emotionally mature pre teen I’ve ever seen, and as the show went on she only got better and better. Her inner voice was something i loved about her, and it showed that she did pay attention to how others viewed her and how that can shape the opinions of others. She still held on to insecurities as any kid would. The only reason she would feel unconfident to state her opinions was because other people would put her down. She wouldn’t do things unless other people did them first. She didn't have a good support system other than Ino and her parents whom were not ninja themselves so were not able to really understand that part of her life. As much as I love kakashi he payed more attention to the boys and thats just that, the team was made to keep a closer eye on Sasuke in general. She did not think much of her self surely other people’s opinions must be better. I think at first she wanted to be a ninja to prove to others and her self that she could be strong. It was more for herself a bit selfish but I found that part her more interesting than any other goals her peers had because most of her classmates had expectations as clan leaders other than Sasuke and Naruto. But as many arcs happen she realizes how fucked up the ninja world actually is.

On their first mission she does not hesitate in protecting Tazuna even if she knows she can’t handle those two ninja. she’s the first to learn to tree climbing, amazing chakra control. Even that small scene of her giving a child food because who knows when he’ll have his next meal. She empathizes and that’s something that struck me about her bc in the show so far there was a lack of that(other than with Naruto). To me she is the glue and heart to team 7 because let’s face it if she wasn’t there most of it would have fallen apart.

The chunin exams Was the moment she got to truly shine. My girl took that test without a sweat when most people in that room came from ninja families and needed to cheat their way out. Not saying that that’s wrong that was the whole point of the test but she didn’t need to she was just that smart. And she uses the things she learns WELL. she is a genius on the battle field she is a quick thinker and comes up with brilliant plans even if she’s pushed to her end. Lets not forget the part that everyone remembers the most iconic moment where she cuts her own hair. She grew out her hair because she heard a rumor that Sasuke liked girls with long hair, and she cut it. That whole arc Sakura showed so much mental strength with everything going on. Naruto being passed out, Sasuke getting the curse mark, being constantly on edge, surrounded by plenty of dangerous people Attacking teams for fun. But she took charge and took care of her teammates even if she was weaker than anyone else she didn't care. Her fight with Ino one of my favorites from the Exams in general. She makes it clear that this fight wont be about Sasuke which people for some reason seem to forget!! Ino doesn't expect Sakura to even be a match to her and she fights with Equal fever and manages to break out of Inos mind jutsu. If you call her useless after that then idk what you’re watching at this point. That whole arc was just loving Sakura hours.

Getting towards the end of the first part of Naruto, Sakura realizes that she cannot get by merely with book smarts. Not downplay her already very honed skills. It would be a crime to not mention how she notices things (like the genjustu during the chunin attack) extremely quickly with not a lot of prior experience. The tension is rising for her teammates and Sasuke leaves. Even after all that Sakura picks her self up and vows to become stronger. She trains under Tsunade. Shippuden is filled with many more gems on Sakuras part. This is already very long so I’ll keep this short to name a few.

-Her fight with Sasori an Akatsuki member.(she was 15) -Taking the poison out of kankuro when no one else could. - Inner Sakura only makes an appearance once in Shippuden which shows she is much more confident in stating her opinions and reacting more freely. - Feels extremely guilty about Naruto putting his life on the line for her. Tries to confront Sasuke to deal with him herself so Naruto Doesn’t have to. Even if that was the man she has loved her whole life. -Healed Karin an enemy -Became one of the leading members of the war ( at this point I definitely believe she had already surpassed Tsunade) -Noticed that Neji was not actually Neji in like literally under a minute - Mass healing -Physically pumping Narutos heart like holy shit. - Saving Sasuke with he remaining of her chakra -Strength of hundred seal - PUNCHED A GOD IN THE FACE -RAISED A CHILD ALONE -OPENED A CLINIC FOR CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH AFTER THE WAR, AND GOES TO SUNA TO HELP START THEIR OWN METAL HEALTH CLINIC

ALL BEFORE THE START OF EVEN BORUTO, AND HOW MUCH SHE HAS DONE IN THAT STORY ALREADY.

SAKURA HAS NEVER BEEN USELESS. PEOPLE THINK SO BC SHE CARES.

Ninja aren’t suppose to show emotion but fuck that noise Sakura will always be compassionate, helpful, and dedicated, and you can’t stop her. People call her useless bc she wasn't as flashy as the boys and held onto that nonsense thought since the beginning. If it wasn't for her thousands of people would be dead, Including plenty of main characters like Natuto, Karin, and Hinata to name a few. Give her the credit she deserves and stop calling her useless bc she was 12 and was taught basic ninja skills.

#Sakura Haruno #sakura #Naruto #naruto shippuden #Sakura hidden #ANYWAY LOVE THE QUEEN SAKURA #i never mentioned i wish she had gotten with ino lol I only liked sasuke till liek almost halfway of shippuden

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swayinghummingbirds · 5 years

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i feel like i need to blog more stuff out of me to research my own thoughts ignore me or help me either is welcomed.

so like i was diagnosed with mdd , panic/anxiety disorder so i know how it goes and how it feels and all that jazz. used to be on medication and not for almost two years. i can usually cope well since while i was on medication ifound many ways to do so. but now ive come across season affective disorder and i gotta say i am not a fucking fan. i cant bring myself to do the coping mechanisms because im fucking cold and there is no sun ever.

this time last year i felt the exact same way and almost moved back to fl but didnt want to give up on tn yet. but im wondering is it maybe time to give up on it? i have no family here. and my family is expanding and growing without me. which makes it worse.

ive been where i am for almost a year now and its been good. but there are no sidewalks like anywhere? im so tired of sharing walls. sure, its a townhouse and its pretty big and two floors and fire place but my neighbors are so annoying and for some reason in tennessee so many people think its absolutely okay to let their dogs out with leashes?

knoxville is a really cool city and ive loved living here but idk if i can stand the winter. and its just a mild winter, idk how yall in the north handle it. i see now why when i moved abck to pa for 8 months my mom had it by the time march came around and we moved back to fl.

a part of me feels like i might even just get bored with where i am after a certain amount of time considering how i was brought up. i have moved 17 times, which is wild for a child. probably why i have a hard time making friends too.

tried leaving work yesterday after i got my list done (usually isnt a problem for my manager but the ass. manager always fights me with it). i told him three times i already had 2 1/2 hours of overtime and ill be leaving when im finished but bitch never listens to me and acts like he didnt hear me say it to his damn face.Usually i ask just to be polite and make sure but this time im telling him. kind of snapped on him because the day before i just cried all fucking day and had that feeling in my stomach and felt the same way when i woke up. old me would have called out, one because the position i was in was easily fillable but now im actually needed so i go to do my job and if i get done early that means im working my ass off and sweating like a pig to get done three hours early. (and the girl who does the work on the two days im off never gets the shit down or sets the room or anything up in order to have a good morning because the whole thing is very time sensitive and its very frustrating. also she called out like three times this week and made my week shittier than it needed to be.) like bitch no that doesnt mean i want to stay and help with other things after exerting so much energy that i dont even have in myself to begin with. so anyways i cried and then the manager came and talked to me and was understanding because he is aware of my mental health issues and i forgot steve- the ass manager (assistant manager , but also ass because he can be an ass) was not aware. so all in all i talked to my manager and told him and he was very supportive and then i went to apologize to steve and he reassured me i was valued and adored here which was nice. and i had to basically tell him if im trying to leave early it usually means because im feeling like a crazy bitch whos on the break of a mental breakdown so. quit fighting me.

so anyways.

even if i did move back fl ive finally gotten myself where i wanted to be in my job but i guess if it was meant to be the universe will take care of it just like it did when we moved here.

a week before almost moving back to fl my grandparents came to visit and we were in crossville, which is the half way point from here to where we were living at the time and i was like hey lets try knoxville and the next day we went to look at apartments and as we were looking this place went up for rent almost as if the universe here, ask and you shall receive. because i was only looking at places that was in between the three stores that we could have possibly transferred to because i had no idea which one it was going to be i just new it was going to happen. and then when trying to transfer we my fiancees assistant manager knew the manager at this store here and said that he would take both of us and needed help in the area i wanted to be in and i was like wow amazing its all working out. and it did and it was great and then it got cold. and then holidays came. and birthdays came. and i ive learned so much about myself and i feel like yes i needed this part of my life. and now im not sure if istill need it.

we have a vision of owning a little home a nice big plot of land near the mountains with a spring and creek on site with woods around. if we kept it up and really searched when the time came yeah im feel like we could find it. but what if i still feel this way when were there? then weve bought a home and it would be harder to get rid of. i have a vision of my own business with yoga. i find myself in capable of moving between the months of decemeber and march. then what. even when i get on to the mat i cant get into the flow.

and what if we move back to fl. would he resent me for giving up on our dreams? will i be tired of people demanding my time and energy? will i bitch about the heat all the time and the fact that neighbros are every where? probably, yes, yes, and yes.

but will i resent him for not moving back to spend our lives with our families? will i resent myself for not listening to the feeling in my stomach? or would i resent myself if i did listen to that feeling and gave up on the mountainous dreams.

i know we would welcomed back with opened arms and i know not many would miss us here.

the mountains are beautiful and so mystical when there. i wonder how it would be to live there. i always end up feeling so creeped out at some point of hikes because i feel like something is watching us, and i know there is, there is always is whether its and animal or a spirit. but sometimes those spirits, or beings, are just so strong of a force. what if we bought a property with one of those that wouldnt be able to make peace with us? i always imagined if we ended up with a property with strong entities then we would make peace and ring singing bowls and plant luscious plants for them. but what if they hate it all. and what if our neighbors down the street end up being cannabilistic cult people? what if some animal tried to maul my dog (which already happens frequently, shes a chihuahua everything is out to get her). what if something happens at oak ridge? i had no idea i was living next to a giant nuclear power plant thing.

but then its like okay what if theres a giant hurricane that tears my house down (i had a tree fall on my house during matthew which is one reason why we left) or the storm sturge sweeps my house away. trey is scared of tsunamis, not that one has happened there probably ever, idk but it is a weird fear of his. surprisingly tornados do happen in tn too.

and a day like today, where trey is working all day and i have the day off. there isnt much to do. its cold out so i cant sit on my patio for a few hours like i would in the summer. i dont like to go shopping. i dont have a friend to hang out with, which is my own fault people im really not a big people person. i have hung out with a couple a few tiems, and idk ij ust would rather not. but if i were in fl i could go hang out with my brother, or treys sister, or the few friends i have there. or go to the beach and sit on my own, because its not fucking weird to sit alone there and usually you dont have to worry about getting mugged. i cant go to the parks here on my own. i cant take my dog for walks around here because there are no side walks and people just look shady af everywhere.

when i went to visit for my brothers wedding in october i realized how i did not appriciate the plant life naturally around all year round when i lived there for 11 years. i guess mostly because it wasnt until two years ago that i really got in to plants but omg i cant stop imagining what our yard would look like if we were in aplace where things could just be outside all year round. i would take cuttings of my plants andjust put them every where have my own little tropical paradise in my front and back yard.

i know this all is really sounding one sided atm but this time last year i was having the exact same visions and the exact same thoughts. and i thought about how what if my brother has kids and im up here well hello here we are now and thats happening. i feel like i need to be there. theres even a house for sale on the same street as him and all i could was fantasize what i would do to the house and how i would baby sit for them and be able to see my dog that i left with him because ultimately she was is but we co owned her together and just to be there. and be with my mom. shes living in orland with her boyfriend and i feel like the fact shes goingt o be a grandmother might sway him into moving closer, she hates the city and i imagine shes just as depressed as i am to be away and to be in a city where you dont feel safe to go outside alone. we are creatures of nature and both pisces and very sensitive to everything.

and what if trey and i have a baby at some point? we have no one here to help us. i was thinkg about how our wedding date is a year and like two months away and i have no one here to help me plan. and for a long itme i always imagined myself getting married at this place called sugar mill gardens, a botanical garden that i had always loved in my home town there. when trey and i got together we would pokemon go there and take clippings, and i still have those plants today. but then this new vision came where we would get married on our future property. i feel like we are still a long way away from buying a house here though. idk if we would be there in time. and since we went back in october all i can think about is getting married in sugar mill. he reproposed to me when we were there and that was so sweet and just made me want to be there instead for it.

this is very long but these are my constant thoughts that all happen at once and it feels nice to get them out to piece them together and not feel so overwhelmed with all them at one time in layers upon layers of thoughts. sometimes my vision even goes out and i dissociate and just work blurred vision cross eyed for ten minutes, who knows maybe its an hour. im back there by myself for eight hours a day idk.

#v long #nothing to see here #sorry for clogging your dash #idk how to break it

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chimswae · 5 years

Text

Chapter 14

Foreword:

Some stories are better left unsaid.I couldn’t change anything for the world, although the fame part of this industry is tough to handle.Do i have a life? Yes I have my fans.Do i have friends? Yes the members that I cherish. Do i have love? No I have to let go.Life always offers you a second chance. It’s called tomorrow. But do i have any tomorrow?

Pairing: Jimin x OC (Other characters: BTS, OCs, Lee Taehwan)

Genre: Idolau, Fluff, Romance

Word Count: 2,812

Author Note: I crosspost this story from my Asianfanfic account. Mind you, clicheness OVERLOADS

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14

Chapter 14: Hold me tight, trust me

[ +120, -13] Did you see Min Suga flip out? He was trying to be polite to that reporter but guess her questions really tick him off kekekeke The reporter is nosy anyways, so rude. He is just trying to protect his friends.

[+71, -122] Park Jimin really had a hard time, I don’t blame him. Medias are going crazy. I heard they ambushed the girl’s home too. How inappropriate.

[+46, -3] Why cant people leave him alone? It is his life. I feel bad for the girl and the kid, they must be terrified. I am supporting you Park Jimin! Hwaiting~!

[+88, -149] BTS Jimin is a bad influence to teenagers. He made baby when he’s still in school and dumped the girl to become an idol. How horrible is that. I heard they are the president of middle school club something but they don’t act like one. Rip the title off from them.

[+21, -99] That bitch must be after his money. She wouldn’t just appear without reasons. What a disgrace to whole nation.

[+23, -62] He is a scapegoat kekekekkekee What will happen to Bangtan now. Major flop.

[+33, -178] Wow, I knew from start Park Jimin is a trash. Get that asshole out from the group. A bad example to younger fans!!

[+43, -199] Since he cant sing without sounding like a damn penguin, maybe he can reconsider babysitting his son at home kekekekeke

[+64, -15] I heard a wedding bell ringing~~ kekekeeke who’s going to attend a trashy wedding ceremony. The girl is taking gold digging into a whole new level.

Slamming the laptop shut, Taehwan gave Yeoul a look “I told you to stop reading comments, they are judging both of you without knowing the truth. Horrible human being” he sighed.

Wretchedly, she covered her face to hide tear filled eyes. Yeoul was used to bearing pain without showing how much it hurt. However, she cried at last even though it was part her distress. No one with sane mind would be fine after reading such nasty comments.

He shifted closer to where Yeoul sat, embraced the poor girl in a tight hug “I am sorry that you have to face this Yeoul ah, I wish I can take the pain from you” he stroked her long hair lovingly. Taehwan wished he had the ability to erase bad memories from her. Endurance was never her forte.

She cried way too much every single days without failed, that was not a good sign for her health. Another thing was that, she waited for Jimin to come safe and sound as he promised. Of course, she didn’t put much expectation on that since his boss might not let him carelessly travel across the region just to get her. But, having a little faith wouldn’t hurt right?

“OMMA! I SAW APPA OUTSIDE” Minyeol’s squealed returned their attention to the younger boy who was on his toes in front of the window scanning their backyard. Yeoul told him to use a secret passageway behind to avoid the crowd in front of their house. Another commotion was the last thing that they wished to see at the moment.

Taehwan walked up to Minyeol helping the hyper boy opening the door for his dear father and giving no time for Jimin to digest, Minyeol crashed his body against him.

Hugging him tight, Minyeol smiled widely “Appaaa is back.. Minyeollie miss appa so much” he startled at the sudden impact but softened to see his son clinging onto him. One of their managers accompanied Jimin to Busan and though he was well aware of the scandal, it was still amusing to see another side of Jimin. It was unusual.

Jimin picked him up, rocking his body side to side “Appa misses you too, how’s my Minyeol” Yeoul stared at him blankly, part of her soul slowly leaving her body. The sight of Jimin much alive and untouchable was a huge relief.

“Minyeol is terrified. The people outside is hurting omma and yeollie” he pouted.

“Appa is here so I will make sure bad people wont get you and your omma, alright?” smiling affectionately, he squished the younger boy close before setting him down on ground again.

He shifted his gaze to Yeoul sad face, their orbs met, their gaze seemed to concentrate and they stood motionless, as if spellbound. Not to mention, it had been a rough week for both of them, to be in the same room, breathing the same air was almost impossible after the event.

She hung her head and huffed out a sigh, finally meeting his gaze, that one face she missed the most “Hey…” Yeoul broke her silence with a soft voice enough for him to capture. Jimin looked steadily into her solemn eyes, he couldn’t help but feel sorry for causing the pain. It was unbearable to watch his girl cried because of him.

“Yeoul…” eventually his arms crossed over her, embracing her tight and she relaxed against him. Nuzzling her face in his chest, she finally could her the sound of his heartbeat. Calming yet help to sooth away the pain from her.

“I am sorry that it took me so long to come and I missed you” she heard he whispered lowly in her ears. Tentatively, she wrapped her arms around him returning the hug with a wide smile, letting herself melt into Jimin’s strong embrace.

Giving the couple time to catch up, Taehwan brought Minyeol upstairs and the younger boy nodded obediently with a smile. Being in the same room as Jimin was the last thing that he wanted to do today, Taehwan was not fond of that guy just yet. He needed time.

Yeoul pulled away, caressing his cheeks with a glint of worries in her eyes “You lost weight, did Jin oppa even feed you properly?” he chuckled.

“Hyung barely cooked lately, so we just ate takeaways food” she cringed in disagreement.

“That’s unhealthy! I am scolding Jin oppa for feeding you guys unhygienic food”

Grazing his fingertip to tap her nose softly, he shot her a smile “I don’t remember we ever eat an-oh-so-hygienic food either back then? We basically ate ramen and fried chicken” scrunching her nose cutely, she puffed her cheeks.

“That was long time ago. My cooking skills improved over time, so don’t judge.” Yeoul realized there was a tall man far at the corner leaning against the wall, and once in awhile he would steal a glance at them with a teasing smile.

“mm.. Jims.. who is that?” she squished his hand and whispered softly.

Jimin glanced at his manager hyung “Oh that is manager hyung. He is here to accompany me. You know we need to head to Seoul in a bit right” he tilted his head at her direction.

Yeoul nodded “I know.. your manager hyung is too good looking to be one. I thought he is the hidden Bangtan members” her gazed were fixed at him. When he caught her staring, he put a friendly smile with a small bow causing her to flush.

As he noticed the girl in front of him was fawning over his manager, he flicked Yeoul forehead with a frown “Lower your gaze. Manager hyung is taken, so are you” he exclaimed. His manager chuckled in process grasping their conversation, ignoring Jimin death glare.

She rubbed her forehead with a pout “I am being a normal girl! Blame him for having that good look. And who says I am taken?” Jimin squished her cheeks.

“You are taken by Park Jimin”

“I am not”

“Yes you are, you said ‘i love you’ back to me. TWICE!”

“Psh… that is just an ‘I love you’..I can say I love you to anyone that I like”

“Yah, don’t you dare”

“Yes I do.. I am going to say it to your manager hyung now” she teased with a playful smug.

Jimin turned to face his manager who had dumbfounded look on his face “Don’t smile hyung!” he whined almost sounded like a spoiled kid throwing tantrum.

“Manager Oppa… I Lo-” he cut her off with a kiss, muffling her sinful mouth from spurting more nonsense. His manager flustered upon seeing the unwelcoming scene before him and he immediately turned to face the wall.

Holding her body close, he nibbled her lower lips with a smirk ‘No you cant say I love you to anyone’ Yeoul returned his kiss anyway. They pulled away with a stupid smile on their face not long after. The couple didn’t want to prolong their affection not with the presence of his manager.

“Let’s pack, its going to be a long day” she felt his soft lips against her cheeks.

------------

“Appa and omma will be back soon, so for the time being you will stay with Taehwan ahjussi and granny okay? Be a good boy” Yeoul stroked his hair with a motherly smile.

“When will omma come back?” Minyeol fingers fiddled with her lock as his other hand slowly caressed Yeoul cheeks.

“As soon as possible. When omma comeback we will go buy your favorite bunny” his sad smile was replaced with a bright one as soon as he heard the ‘bunny’ part. Minyeol wrapped his arm around her neck, though deep down inside she didn’t want to leave him alone but she had too.

Exposing Minyeol to medias was not a good idea either, she didn’t want public got a hold of her son. He was just a kid.

Jimin knelt beside Minyeol, hugging him “Now, will you promise appa to behave when we’re away?” he held his pinky fingers out as the younger boy excitedly linked his pinky with Jimin.

“Tae-ah thank you for doing this” holding his hand tight, he felt the spark in his heart again.

He sighed softly “Don’t worry, Minyeol and your mother will be safe with me. Come back safely” ruffling her hair, his encouraging smile gave Yeoul strength to face the reality from now. After bidding their last farewell, his manager urged them to be faster since they have a flight to catch. Worries after worries gnashed her heart, would things turn out good as they hoped?

------------------

The journey was rather smooth though from time to time people would recognize them in the flight including the flight attendants, but thankfully they left Yeoul and Jimin alone. Sucks to be an idol sometimes, people pretended that they knew everything about them and quick to judge.

Passing the last security procedure, they were now ready to leave the area but surprised to see the huge crowd formed in front of the arrival hall. Jimin gave his manager a baffle look “Hyung.. I thought no one knew about me going back to Busan?” he blinked.

Scanning the area, Yeoul could feel her heartbeat rate increased rapidly. The last time she was surrounded by human with camera, it turned out badly. Now the size of the crowd in front of her resident was nothing in comparison to this. This was almost like a mini fanmeeting and for some reason it mortified her.

“I got a call from the company, they said someone leaked the news. This is out of control but they have secure the place and the vehicle is ready to transport us back safely. Will Yeoul be okay to walk through this huge crowd?” he shot her a concern look.

Chewing her lower lips, she was unsure how to answer the question. Even though she said no, what could they do? They still had to face these people in the end. Jimin hugged her shoulder with a concern smile “We can find another way, if you are uncomfortable” he assured.

Yeoul was not used to cameras and screaming fans, but she didn’t want to get him into trouble either. She gave them a small nod “I will be okay” unfazed, Jimin eyebrows were furrowed deeply. He knew Yeoul was not okay.

“You don’t have to feel pressured, if you cant do this. We will find another route”

“I am really fine Jimin. Don’t worry about me, just umm stay by my side. I am not used to this” she convinced him with a smile.

“Then you are stuck with me. Hold onto me tight” he nodded at his manager way signaling they were ready to leave the area. Putting his black shade, he interlaced his fingers with her and slowly made their way outside and like a flock of birds fighting for food, they were quickly ambushed by flash of cameras.

“IT IS PARK JIMIN”

“Park Jimin ssi is the rumor true about you and the girl?”

“THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS. THEY ARE REAL”

“Miss Na, how long have you been keeping your relationship from everyone”

“Miss Na and Jimin-ssi we have questions. Wait up”

Petrified, Yeoul scooted closer to his side seeking for comfort, she squished his hand tighter ‘This is scary as hell’ there were press everywhere though they were securities around them blocking their path but some was smart enough to grab her arm once in awhile.

Jimin pulled Yeoul to walk in front of him as he enveloped one arm around her from back “I will be here, keep walking” he muttered close to her earlobes.

Some fans were squealing hard upon witnessing Jimin heroic action. He was being very protective over Yeoul at the moment, since there were ignorant people trying to grasp her at any chance they had. It was sickening.

“JIMIN OPPA WE WILL SUPPORT YOU AND UNNIE”

“IGNORE THOSE MEAN PEOPLE JIMIN OPPA”

Jimin glanced at his fans with a thankful look and continued to pass the huge crowd before the crowd got bigger and suffocated both of them.

“Make way, don’t crowd the area” the securities warned the press who tried to take a clear picture of Yeoul and Jimin together. At one point, they successfully exited the arrival hall and were getting closer to the black vehicle in front of them.

Just few more steps and the nightmare will end, Yeoul prayed in her head.

His manager opened the door, loading a luggage inside and signaled Jimin to walk quickly. Since there were too many people surrounding them, things got uncontrollable at one point.

That include..

A balloon was thrown at Yeoul and burst, she was drenched with red stain from head to toes.

“YEOUL!” Jimin eyes widened his eyes.

The assault continued as there was a group of people throwing balloon contained a kind of red paint at her direction. Jimin frowned in anger and pulled Yeoul into a tight hug, blocking the balloon from hitting his girl.

Everyone gasped at the sight and some concerned fans tried to find the source of the attack to make it stop.

“Over there! They are throwing the balloons!”

“Jimin oppa are you okay?”

“Omo omo omo I hope they are alright”

Yeoul clutched onto his shirt tight and shuddered at the coldness, her tears cascaded down without warn. She felt humiliated but at the same time she worried of Jimin since he took the hit for her. Would this get him in trouble?

Jimin tried to hold back the anger bubbled inside him, he heard people whispered around him with insult. He snapped “YAH YOU THINK THIS IS FUNNY! ARE YOU EVEN HUMAN? JUST FUCK OFF” he turned to face a group of anti fans who were already being captured by the securities there.

“Jimin… don’t..” Yeoul held him back concerned that he said something mean and as a result it gave the medias an upper hand to twist anything that came out from his mouth.

His manager went to their side “Jimin we have to go now, it is not safe. Lets get inside quick” he patted the younger boy, ushering both of him and Yeoul inside the vehicle. The door slid closed and within a second Jimin already took her face in his hand examining Yeoul in case she got hurt.

“Are you hurt anywhere?” he took a clean towel from manager hyung and started to clean the red stain off from her face. Yeoul chose to keep silent as she watched Jimin diligently, her fear subsided.

“I am sorry Yeoul. I am sorry, I should protect you. I am sorry” his indistinct mumble sounded silly but it made her smile.

She eyed him, holding onto his wrist “You got hit too…” snatching the clean cloth from his hand. She dabbed his forehead along his cheek, Yeoul smiled meekly not knowing how to react. Things that they experienced just now was beyond horrible.

“We are heading to the company. Others are there too along with Bang PD” manager hyung broke the silence. The couple nodded with a small smile and Yeoul was mentally ready to face this Bang PD. Anything for Jimin and Minyeol, she would do it without complain.

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#bts #bts fic #bts series #untoldseries #bts jimin #park jimin #jimin #bts v #jungkook #jhope #jin #suga #namjoon #lee taehwan #bts fluff #bts idolau #bts romance

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panda-noosh · 6 years

Note

[1/2] hi hello! i have headcanon request, im sorry if this is a little weird. so you know how bad menstural cramps can get? mines are always so painful that i get very nauseous and sometimes i cry (from the pain not from hormones) and i get really dizzy. sometimes i even faint on multiple occasions per period. but i cant talk about it because i live in the south and im told girls cant talk about *that* issue, and my family is religious and doesnt believe in medicine so i always have to suffer

[2/2] through it because if i complain then someone will call me gross or hysterical. can i request headcanons for the paladins and matt with a female s/o who has this problem and has to stay in bed most of the time and starve herself so she doesnt throw up or get hurt after she faints? she would keep telling its normal and is too fearful to talk about it even in the brink of unconsciousness but i would like headcanons to have some angst *and* positivty. thank you and sorry for my bad english

Shiro:

Shiro would be so damn supportive about this entire situation.

He is an extremely busy man, but he will seriously take the week off just so be with you and make sure you’re okay.

He knows about the issue with your family, how you’ve been raised on the idea that talking about such issues is ‘gross’ and it should be kept quiet, and so he wants to do everything in his power to try and pry that belief from your mind.

He doesn’t do this by force - he doesn’t get mad at you whenever you insist on staying quiet, and he most definitely doesn’t force you to talk to him about it if you don’t want to.

But he lets you know that he’s always there to listen if you need it.

He sits by your bedside, cuddles with you if you need it, lets you cry into his shoulder.

He even brings you glasses of water and heating pads, doing anything in his power to soothe the pain you are going through.

But as I said before, this is the week of the month where Shiro is out of commission until you’re getting better. He doesn’t want to leave your side.

Keith:

Keith would feel very useless in this kind of situation.

Now, don’t get me wrong - he doesn’t think it’s gross for girls to talk about their menstrual pains, and he doesn’t think periods are taboo or anything like that.

But he doesn’t know enough about them to really give you any good advice.

But that doesn’t stop our boi from trying to help you as much as possible, because he truly is worried about you.

Although he thinks he knows too little, he doesn’t want to be that boyfriend that just sits back and lets you suffer.

And plus, he’s a cuddling demon and so this is a great time for him to wrap his arms around you and satisfy his cuddling needs.

He has this habit of rubbing circles into your stomach whenever he cuddles you, especially whenever you’re in this kind of pain.

Even as he slowly drifts off to sleep with you in his arms, he’ll continue to rub those circles into your stomach, almost absentmindedly.

Lance:

Out of all the Paladins, I truly believe Lance would be the best man for this situation.

It’s in the way he can be so blunt with it. The way he looks at you in confusion whenever you claim that talking about your problems is ‘gross’ or ‘unladylike.’

Because he genuinely is confused.

“And who the hell gave you that idea?”

Whenever the pain gets so bad that he can just tell you’re on the brink of unconsciousness, he’ll get a little bit - hostile?

Maybe that’s not the word. But he’ll definitely get a lot more in command, because that’s what happens whenever he panics. He becomes this leader, almost, and his tone gets sharp and he’s ordering you to just tell him what is wrong.

He doesn’t want to upset you or make you angry in any way, shape or form, but he knows he needs to find some way to get you to explain what is wrong, or else he won’t be able to help.

During the days, he’ll make sure you don’t get out of bed at all. He’ll bring you your dinner, your water, he’ll lead you to the shower and make sure you have a shoulder to lean on so you don’t have to straighten up so much {because we all know how much that hurts at this time of month}.

Hunk:

Like Keith, Hunk wouldn’t really think he has the most extensive of knowledge on this kind of thing.

But he’s gonna try and help anyway.

I feel like you’d have to tell him what to do and what soothes your pain, which would definitely be a mild set back since you were never particularly a fan of talking about your issues during this time of month.

But Hunk makes it known to you that he’s there to help, and he will help your pain go away if you just tell him what to do.

He makes you feel comfortable about talking about your problems for the first time in years. He smiles softly at you, and he’s patient with you, and he knows exactly how to comfort you whenever the pain gets too much and you’re crying into his shoulder, begging for the pain to just go away.

And Hunk respects your decision to not take any medication for it - if that’s what you believe in, then that’s your choice and he sees no issue with it.

That just makes him want to find more natural ways to help you, and he will genuinely stay up late into the night researching different ways to help women get rid of really bad cramps.

Pidge:

Pidge is obviously a pro at this, because she, too, is a woman.

I don’t think Pidge is prone to god awful cramps. I think hers are light, and easily dealt with, but she knows how to help somebody whenever their cramps are awful.

Because, as I said, she is also a woman. Knowing how to handle cramps during your period is just kind of screwed into every single womans head on the planet.

Pidge doesn’t even think twice or contemplate what to do whenever she’s grabbing you a hot pack and placing it over your stomach, dabbing a slightly damp cloth over your forehead whenever they get particularly bad and you’re complaining about feeling dizzy and faint.

I feel like that would worry Pidge a lot - she doesn’t exactly know how to handle them whenever they get to the point of you genuinely feeling like you’re about to pass out, but she helps out in any way that she can.

She’s very protective over you whenever you’re in this much pain. I can imagine her locking the bedroom door and closing the curtains and turning the TV on, just so it can be you and her in the room and you and her only.

Because she knows that’s what you want - she knows you’ve never been entirely comfortable with talking about your monthly issues, and so she tries her hardest to make sure that nobody else is putting you on the spot by asking for an explanation as to what’s happening.

Matt:

He would be good, I suppose??

I think it really depends on how bad they get.

He knows the basics of what to do - how a hot pack can help, and how finding the right position to sit in can sometimes ease them off a little bit.

He knows that you like to cuddle during this time of the month, which is a bonus for him.

But then it gets to the point where you’re crying and yelling out and telling him you feel like you’re about to pass out, and that’s when Matt becomes a little stumped.

As I said, he only really knows the basics and medicine. If you don’t want to take medication, and the hot pack isn’t working, then Matt gets a little bit lost.

But god he wants to help so bad, because seeing you in so much pain upsets him to no ends, and he doesn’t like it at all.

He whispers soothing words in your ears, helping you with your breathing, hugging you close to him.

You really have to get yourself through it at this point, but Matt really does help with the solutions he offers up. He lets you squeeze his hand extremely tightly to try and help, and he’s rubbing your back and telling you it’s going to be okay.

And even though it’s clear he isn’t entirely sure what he’s doing, you appreciate the effort nonetheless.

#voltron headcanons #voltron #request

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oh-my-otome · 6 years

Note

I absolutely adore your thoughts on the psychological health within the SLBP characters! If you don’t mind, could you scale MidC, DtL, and IkeSen (pick whichever game you want!), too? If it’s not too much to ask ☺️

Hello, Precious! Let’s do all three!

Again, purely for fun! And, like the last time, there will be SPOILERS!

0=unstable, 50=borderline, 100=normal

MidCin, you’re up!

Louis (65):

Tsunderes, kuuderes and yanderes, by design, are not normal to begin with, because their logic only makes sense to themselves.

Louis being both a kuudere and a yandere are what take his score down.

Frequently thinking it to himself, and sometimes saying it out loud, Louis has obsessive thoughts about wanting to keep his love interest to himself, and fantasizes about keeping her somewhere where only he can see.

He also thinks that acting like a frigid ass, like the nobles, will somehow save her from the nobles.

Even though Louis falls deeply in love with the princess, he will also lie to her face without a hint of hesitation, undermine her hard work, and jeopardize the stability of the monarchy.

He also entertains a suicidal fantasy, and attempts to see it through.

Sid (80):

Even though he lies for a living, Sid praises honesty when it comes to his inner circle.

He has no qualms teasing Louis left and right, because he’s made it known to Louis that he wants to save him from himself.

Finding himself trapped in a loveless engagement, Sid makes sure that his fiancée knows ahead of time that he doesn’t love her and never will. He gives her the chance to break it off, even making sure that she understands that he will take other lovers, and is only with her to get information about her father.

Because Sid always has to be “on,” in order to take advantage of any kind of situation, so that he gets the information he needs to do his job, Sid sometimes has a problem with reigning it in and just being himself– and not his trickster alter ego.

This causes communication problems between him and princess, but Sid always knows how to smooth it over.

In every case where parents are involved, in MidCin, Sid has the most positive and supporting relationship with his.

He is close to his adopted father, who always has his back, and builds a positive relationship with his estranged parents.

Giles (70):

Anything– and I do mean A N Y T H I N G ! –that the princess does, whether positive or negative reflects on Giles. And I mean that the princess’ reactions reflect on Giles as a person and on his capacity as a Chamberlain who knows what he’s doing.

We all give him crap for it, but one small mishap from princess could realistically cost Giles his entire life’s work, since the first thing out of anyone’s mouth would be to question why she wasn’t taught and trained better– which isn’t Leo’s job, but Giles’.

And “well, I told her not to!” isn’t a valid answer. It’s Giles’ job to ensure.

Understandably, we can see why he has a vested interest in breathing down Princess’ neck, all the time. It’s also why he’s always so stressed out, and persnickety.

To add to that, his family life is complicated, leaving him depressed and estranged.

Giles is also sickly, and prone to bouts of fever, so his plate is quite full.

He works himself to the bone, and cant even get a decent amount of rest due to both lack of time, and a weak body.

Fortunately, Giles’ strong character keeps him running, even we he wants nothing more than to crawl into bed and cuddle up with his cat.

Always able to be depended on, one would never know from looking at him that he’s hiding so much turmoil inside.

Alyn (75):

His biggest “quirk” is that he hates tomatoes. who can blame him

He’s pretty damn normal, aside from his random and intense one-sided feud with his twin brother, Leo.

Alyn knows that his brother needs help, but doesn’t really do much to facilitate that, beyond throwing a few words of encouragement at his brother’s girlfriend.

His attitude toward Leo’s anguish is basically the embodiment of the phrase: “like pouring water on a drowning man.”

However, when he’s needed, Alyn will be there in a pinch, ready to make good on his promise to protect.

Although physically strong, he can be a bit of a pushover under the right conditions.

Leo (50):

You would think for someone who has women climbing into trebuchets in order to launch themselves at him, that Leo would be a little smoother than he is.

What brings his score down so low is that Leo’s backstory isn’t just a backstory– it’s right there with him in the present.

He (and Alyn) experience a trauma so deep that it continues into adulthood.

As such, Leo entertains the dangerous idea of pre-meditated murder in the hope of avenging his family, not realizing that he’s also contributing to its destruction.

Byron (65):

It’s supposed to be looked at as a way to get to know him, but not being aware of one’s own feelings– positive, negative, or neutral –and questioning whether it is “okay” to feel them, or express them, is neither normal nor cute.

Byron is also given to whims, either not giving a damn at all what the nobles say, or purposefully putting them in their place with ostentatious displays of affection.

Byron is very sweet to his romantic interest, but is also coldly indifferent to others who are close to him.

He understands that he wields incredible power, but he’s not above making his own brother (Nico), another king (Alyn), and a close friend (Louis) essentially beg on their hands and knees before he’ll lift a finger to help them.

He can also be unnervingly detached, such as when he’s attacked in broad daylight and just shrugs it off while his best friend throws himself bodily in the way to block a sword.

Byron may not like his father, but the apple didn’t exactly fall far from the tree, either.

They may not be exactly alike, as one wouldn’t expect them to be– they’re two different people –but he is definitely Gerald Wagner’s son, by blood and to some extent, personality.

Nico (65):

When the only thing that stops you from murdering a man in the middle of the woods is that your brother and his friend arrived just in time to prevent it, because they didn’t have much trouble following the trail of other people’s blood that you’ve been leaving, have a seat because you’re not normal.

Nico started out his young life as the bastard son of a king, who was forced by circumstances outside of his control to survive on the streets.

Even when he was taken in by his brother, Nico was forced to live in two different worlds: in the light as someone that everyone in the castle can see and here, and know that he’s there, but also in the shadows, as his relationship to the royal family was still kept secret.

In that sense, the sins of the father were carried on by one of his sons, Byron, who wanted to rescue his brother, but also treated him to some extent like the nobles who had chased Nico and his mother from the castle.

Nico says himself that no one really takes him seriously about anything, and that his opinions don’t matter.

Albert is very comfortable with making Nico his whipping boy right in front of Byron.

Byron, for his part, barely ever defends his brother.

All of this can’t be easy for Nico, who confesses to the first person he crushes on.

Not only that, he goes way out of his way, almost killing himself, to protect the person who truly loves him, and risks displacing a monarchy to ensure that he can maintain his relationship.

Albert (75):

Albert’s flippant nature stems from the fact that no one’s checked his ass, before Princess.

If not for her, he would continue on forever, bowing and scraping before his king, without realizing that there can be loyalty beyond fealty, and devotion that transcends admiration and patriotism.

Through love, Albert comes to understand trust and forgiveness, and how to handle one’s emotions.

Albert likes to plan for every situation, but as a tsundere, he is also reactionary.

Robert (65):

Robert’s idea of dealing with the past is never talking about it, ever, which is neither helpful nor healthy.

He also likes to literally run away from his problems, and is just fine with up and leaving at a moment’s notice, with no regard for how that might potentially unnerve, frighten, or traumatize another person– in his case, a group of four specific individuals, all still technically children, who were close to him: Byron, Albert, Nico, and Princess.

While mature in every other regard, Robert is prone to lashing out verbally when people try to talk about his past, even in private.

He also uses stone walling and pretending the incident didn’t happen, as defense mechanisms.

He will also actively ignore any past connections until doing otherwise suits his purposes, leaving the people he used to know in the awkward position of having to guess at whether they’re supposed to try to reach out to him, or go along with acting like strangers.

Now for DtL!

Todo (30):

Todo, first name Heisuke, is the identical twin of Kyo.

Separated at birth, Todo grew up as the wealthy little lord (bocchama) of a crime-ridden family.

At some point, that house fell, and Todo would frequently dream that was in a futuristic place.

In one dream, he discovered that he had a twin, Kyo.

In his dreams, Todo would visit his brother regularly, and that’s when he realized that it wasn’t a dream at all!

Todo possesses the ability to travel across time, backwards and forwards, without restriction– and what he was seeing in his “dreams” was actually real.

Oh, and he’s also a pathokinetic empath who can control the emotions and physical well-being of others, most notably, Kyo.

Apparently, the knowledge that one has powers such as these will mess a person right up, and Todo proceeds to lose his damn mind.

Because time means nothing to him, death and life also mean nothing to him, since all he would have to do is press fast forward or rewind or whatever he does, and “fix” everything.

It would also mean, if he chose to, he could go forward in time and know everything.

Living in an era where superstitions are still deeply rooted in the culture, Todo oscillates between understanding that Kyo is a completely separate person from himself, and thinking that Kyo is literally a part of him that was split off.

Kyo (70):

Pretty normal until he takes his NOTICE ME, SENPAI! act straight into outright threatening others to stay away from the woman he’s crushing on.

He is skeptical and hard-working.

Handsy, clingy and uncomfortably honest when drunk, Kyo is otherwise a good-natured person who enjoys helping others.

Yamazaki (85):

Yamazaki is as popular with the ladies as any other ikemen, but he is also insecure and occasionally distrusting of other’s intentions, particularly around women in the RLD, whom he suspects want to use him (he’s half-right).

He also lets Okita get away with far too much, but he also possesses the power to lay Okita out like a picnic blanket, if he wanted to, so maybe it’s a good thing that Yamazaki chooses to let so many of Okita’s shenanigans slide.

An unrepentant hand fetishist, Yamazaki may look and act innocent, but he’s a beast in the bedroom.

Saito (80):

Saito is secretive and mysterious, but also kind and helpful.

He always keeps his promises, and trains his MC in self-defense so that she has an added layer of protection in an unfamiliar place, beyond ‘I know a bunch of samurai, so don’t mess with me.’

However, he can also be distant and secretive in a negative way, such as getting himself a fiancée when he’s still in love with his MC.

Haru/Kirisato (45):

That moment when the year is 1864 and The Silence of the Lambs novel won’t be published until 124 years later, and you’re talking about someone else’s skin belonging to you– while being completely, creepily serious –is how you know you’re not normal and never will be.

That and the fact that he’s very firmly in yandere territory.

Haru lives a double life as a spy, hitman, and courtesan, who seems to be keeping it all together, until he meets his love interest.

Keiki (60):

Not only does Keiki start out depressed, his own MC makes sure that he can barely climb his way back out, by actively traumatizing him when he needed her the most.

Keiki still carries the pain of watching a friend die in front of him, and as such, dislikes anything that reminds him that beauty– like life –is fleeting.

He is also surprisingly trusting, once he lets his guard down, and very fragile once his trust has been broken.

Kondo (90):

His biggest flaw is that he has no sense of direction, and that he loves animals, but they don’t love him, AND THAT HE DOESN’T HAVE A ROUTE!

Sakamoto (85):

Stubborn and brusque, Sakamoto has a preternatural intuition that has saved him and The Exclusionists more than once.

Too bad it didn’t help in that alley!

Sakamoto is typically chased down and pestered by women, and to that end tries to make himself inconspicuous as much as possible, which is easy to do when you have flaming red hair.

He is thick-headed, but also sensitive, playful but considerate.

Okubo (85):

A graduate of the Byron Wagner School for Robots, Okubo doesn’t know what love is, but wants you to show him.

But look out, because he is chock full of naughty kinks, such as being a very frisky and bold drunk, playing footsie, an unashamed ear kissing and biting fetish, and dominating during sex.

Okubo is very observant when he’s not reading at the speed of light, and his anger is prone to his whims– sometimes he briefly says what is bothering him, and other times he is quite angsty and demanding.

Although he often vague, he is a sincere person.

He is also forgetful, and has no qualms about mooching off of others.

Katsura (90):

Energetic and suave, calculating and capable, Katsura is surprisingly sensitive.

Unable to leave others alone when they need him, he even goes so far as to politely ignore the fact that his former friend’s wife has been coming on to him for years, all because he doesn’t know how to say ‘no,’ without hurting her feelings.

Comfortably open about his hair fetish.

Okita (55):

Okita manages to be both gullible and naïve, which are not mutually exclusive.

His score is low because he is a yandere. He doesn’t find it odd in the slightest that the first thing to pop into in his mind is orchestrating another man’s death, rather than explaining the situation.

Because of his illness, Okita is understandably depressed and anxious, causing him to react to situations in ways that a healthy person wouldn’t.

He is also intensely loyal, and finds that a life spent living without the people he’s close to, is no life at all.

Hijikata (75):

Hijikata likes to take on more than he can chew, but at the same time, doing exactly that frustrates him. He’s super stressed, but finds it difficult to say no.

Like his real-life counterpart, Hijikata believes that someone must go down with the ship, and he has sworn undying loyalty to the Shinsengumi and the shogun, alike.

Because of his workload, and the fact that he is a light sleeper, Hijikata spends his days running on fumes, barely able to get any shut-eye, until he finds his MC.

Although his devotion to Kondo and Keiki is unshakable, Hijikata folds like a cheap suit when Kyo slides up to him and tells him to break up with his MC.

Doesn’t give a damn about anyone knowing that he likes women’s accessories, and wants to dress Yamazaki in women’s clothes.

Yuki (90):

Gender-fluid, bi-sexual Yuki is almost always bubbly and positive.

However, he is not above threatening others when he sees the need, as he doesn’t take kindly at all to having to watch the woman he likes be with a man whom he feels doesn’t deserve her.

His kimono shop is a legitimate business, but also a front where one can buy guns, swords and yes– smoke bombs!

He sometimes pretends to be drunk to get information, or further the romance of his love interest and her chosen partner.

He is stronger than Hijikata and Sakamoto. Combined.

Yuki also has sword skills that make Saito weep.

Takasugi (55):

Retroactively forced into the kuudere box, Takasugi is now a kuu/tsun mix of volatile angst and depression, often using silence as a weapon just as much as his angry retorts.

Takasugi knows that his illness is getting the best of him, and uses others where he cannot succeed on his own.

Stubborn and prideful, Takasugi just wants to be loved, but doesn’t know how to be straightforward about it.

Your turn, IkeSen!

Nobunaga (75):

Nobunaga has inexhaustible trust and faith in his inner circle, and rather than treat them like lesser lords, he treats them like family.

Even as an adult, he still experiences the trauma of a failed assassination attempt, and cannot sleep comfortable until he meets his MC.

He is stubborn about his feelings, denying them and excusing them away, until they become so blatant that he can’t help but act on them.

Ieyasu (55):

Hard-headed and resistant, Ieyasu has a hard time letting others care for him. Quick to try to prove himself, Ieyasu is prove to bouts of seeking vengeance even when the situation is in control.

Obsessed with affirmations of love, Ieyasu is several different dere-types, most notably a yandere.

He takes it personally when people have talent, but squander it.

Hideyoshi (60):

Loyal to the death, Hideyoshi is devoted to Nobunaga with every fiber of his being.

When Nobunaga is believed dead, Hideyoshi proceeds nose dive into a pit of despair so deep that he can barely feel anything.

Mitsuhide (75):

Genuinely believing that there is nothing worth loving about him, Mitsuhide is a sadodere who enjoys teasing others– the closest thing to love that he thinks he’s allowed to have.

Because Mitsuhide keeps his feelings and secrets close to his chest, he is often mistaken as a villain, which exactly what he wants.

Mitsunari (80):

Obtuse and clueless, Mitsunari lovable and pure.

His score is lowered because he actively refuses, at his age, to learn to take care of himself, and has a co-dependent relationship with the other warlords, who merely joke or chastise him about it, rather than taking him aside and demanding that he get himself together, since he is in no capacity a child.

Kennyo (55):

Self-loathing, and chock full of martyr complex, Kennyo goes from murdering madman to regretful, forlorn monk at the speed of light.

His determination to see Nobunaga fall blinds him to the fact that he has other options such as forgiveness.

Shingen (90):

Laid back and chivalrous, Shingen is mature, and dependable to those in his inner circle.

He keeps his illness a secret, which is a personal choice.

Kenshin (50):

A yandere bent on keeping those close to him, Kenshin honestly believes that he cannot die.

The first thing out of Kenshin’s mouth is that he won’t be cowed by a hostage, but the next time you turn around, he’s wrapping himself all kinds of ways around his MC’s (hostage) finger, the better to acquiesce to her every request.

As such, Kenshin experiences the cognitive dissonance of presenting himself one way, but behaving another.

Even knowing that that is how others see him, he is quick to defend himself when made fun of, as he doesn’t like his good intentions joked about.

Battle hungry and single-minded, Kenshin is often in the grip of ennui so strong that only extreme circumstances can pull him out.

Yukimura (70):

The only thing that brings Yukimura’s score down so low is his penchant for joking even when his MC has said she’s had enough, and the act that he’s extremely reactionary under the right circumstances, such as having sex on an unprotected battlefield and leaving his love interest there, deep asleep, with no shelter or anyone/thing to keep her safe.

Masamune (75):

Quixotic and capricious, Masamune is always raring to battle. He is preoccupied with appearing cool at any cost, but is also considerate and thoughtful.

His stubbornness is what cost him a higher score, as he contributes to his MC almost killing a man to prove herself, before he realizes that prattling about his own resolve has an effect on others’.

Sasuke (80):

Sasuke is incredibly smart, but he’s also a bit of a masochist, on top of being a huge fanboy.

He also subscribes to taking forever to notice/confess his feelings, but he is extremely loyal, and down-to-earth.

#q&a #midnight cinderella #destined to love #ikemen sengoku

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itsonlyahiatus-ihope · 3 years

Text

Harry Imagine

Dear Diary, Today I was watching tv when all of a sudden my brother walks in the house with all the boys. They were all laughing and talking and they didn't even know I was in there. Louis was about to say something about me but he stopped as he noticed I was there.

*flashback*

"I mean, be careful Harry. If y/n-" Louis cut himself off as he saw me. "Hey y/n!" Louis shouted. "Hey." I said not looking away from the tv. "Y/n, why don't you get off the couch and come socialize." "Omg... My brother... The Niall Horan... Wants me... To talk.... With his friends.... It's a dream come true..." I said sarcasticly. "Haha very funny! And they are your friends too." Niall said. I got off the couch and said hi to the boys. I hugged them all but as I got to Harry I just put my hands in my pocket and said 'hi'. It was awkward with Harry. I liked him. Niall of course knew this, but he always says things along the lines of, he's way to old for you. He also always talks about how old he is compares to me. He is about to be 20 and I'm about to be 16. Yeah, I know it's only 4 years, but it's still a lot. "Earth to y/n." I was snapped out of my deep thoughts. "You alright? You zoned out for a moment." Niall asked with a worries tone. "I'm fine. I was just thinking." "About what?" Louis asked with a smirk. "Nothing important." "Okay then." "Hey do you guys wanna go in the pool?" Niall asked. Everyone agreed and I went upstairs and changes into my swimsuit. It was a bikini that was white, orange, and yellow tie dye. I slipped on a pair of shorts not really planning on getting wet. I pulled my hair into a messy bun then went downstairs. "Took you long enough!" Niall said joking. I rolled my eyes then we all went outside. I sat down on a chair by the pool and the boys jumped in. "To lame to jump in the pool?" Harry said as he walked up to me. "Well it doesn't look like you have jumped in either." I said sassing back. "Touche." He said as he tried to keep a serious face. I laughed at his attempt causing him to laugh as well. "Why do you come in the pool?" Harry asked. "No thanks, I don't really wanna get wet right now." "Then why are you wearing a swimsuit." "Duh, so I can tan!" He rolled his eyes and said, "please jump in with me." "No harry!" I said laughing. "Well I'm sorry." Before I could say anything he grabbed my hand and pulled me onto my feet. Then he grabbed me by my waist and picked me up. He ran straight to the pool and jumped in with me in his arms. As we resurfaced a hit his arm playfully. "I hate you!" I yelled. "You love me and you know it!" I smiled a bit, and I hope he didn't notice. "What going on over here?" Zayn said as he swam over to us. "Nothing. Just talking." I said. "So not flirting?" He asked surprised. "No, why would we." Harry said through his teeth. "No reason." Zayn said. Then Niall shouted, "Leave the two love birds alone!" I started to blush a little at what Niall said. Then Louis yelled, "Look, y/n is blushing!" I hid my face in my hands and Harry just pulled me close to his body so I could hide my fave into his bare chest.

*after swimming*

We all decided we wanted to watch a movie. "Y/n?" "Yes Niall?" "Could you go get some snacks?" "Sure since your Lazy ass cant." "Harry why don't you go help her." Niall said. I mad an angry face to Nia and he made me a kissy face back. I walked in the kitchen with Harry not to far behind me. "I'd say let's just grab some popcorn and chocolate." "Okay, I'll get the popcorn." "Okay." We got the snacks and as.we walked back to the front room I handed the snacks to Niall and Louis. The boys were already on the couch. Leaving one seat. For the two people left. Harry and I had to sit in litterly the smallest seat in the house. "Seriously guys!" I said. "It's fine y/n. I'll sit on the floor." Harry said. I felt bad that he was going to sit on the cold and hard ground. "I don't mind if you sit here with me. As long as you don't mind either." "Really?" "Yeah, I mean I guess there is enough room for two." I said with a small smile. Harry sat down and I sat in the remaining area. I put my legs over his since that was the. Only way we could sit comfortably. Louis decided to pick out a horror movie. I wasn't too worried. I could normally handle how easily I can get scared by movies. Half way through the movie there was a jump scare and I jumped and latched onto Harry. He let out a small chuckle and I stayed like that for a few minutes. I soon realized what I was doing so I moved back to where I was before, and said, "Sorry, I just got really scared." "It's fine." He said with a smile. We continued with the movie and another jump scare happened. I did the same thing as last time. But as I went to move Harry stopped me. So I stayed like that the rest of the movie. After the movie I was terrified. I looked over and saw all the boys were asleep. The only two people who were awake was me and Harry. I started getting tired so I laid my head on Harry's shoulder and he said, "If you want I can move so you can go to sleep." "It's okay." I said as I looked at him and smiled. We sat there looking into each other's eyes for a few moments until he started leaning in. No way.... He wasn't... He couldn't.... Before I had time to process it his soft lips were on mine. As soon as I realized what was happening I started kissing back. As we pulled apart he looked at me. Then i snapped back into reality. "Um, I'm tired. I think I'm going to go to bed." I said as I fadtky stood up and went straight to my room.

*the next morning*

I was woken up by large warm hands shaking me. "Hey, Niall told me to find wake you up. Breakfast is ready." Harry said in his morning voice. Hard stood up and was about to walk out, but then he turned around and said, "Can we please talk?" "Whats up?" I asked hoping it had nothing to do with last night. But I couldn't be more wrong. "Listen about last night. I really l-" "Harry please stop." "What?" "This... Can't happen. We are basically four years apart. Your 19. And I'm 15." He looked hurt by my words. "That's just a number." "Harry..." "Please give me one chance." "It won't work Harry." "Then I'll wait for you. I wait for you to be old enough. I love you. And I don't want to loose you." "Ha-" "don't try getting out of this. I'm going to be waiting. I promise I'll be waiting. As soon as your old enough, I'll make you mine." I smiled and then he kissed my forehead. Then it was time to go out for breakfast. We walked out and my hand in his. As we got to the kitchen Liam said, "What's going in with you two?" While gesturing to our hands. We immediately separated our hands. I blushed a little.

*two years later*

(pretend all the boys are still GREAT friends and that one direction was still a thing.)

It's my 18th birthday. I'm not gonna lie. My crush on Harry never went away. If anything it got stronger. But since the day after we kissed. We never talked about what would happen for us. Harry has had a few girlfriends. Which I will admit it sucked seeing him with a bunch of other girls. I mean he said he would wait for me to be of age so we could be together. But that didn't happen. But I didn't really expect it to. I mean there are so many beautiful girls out in the world. And they would all be begging to be his. So it makes sense. He could basically have anyone he wants. It makes me sick sometimes seeing him with another girl. Currently he's not with anyone. But he keeps talking about how he really likes this one girl. And I guess all the boys are helping him ask her out today. Oh and I forgot to mention, they all forgot my birthday. Including my brother who I have lived with for 18 years! I changed into a pair of ripped jeans and a white flowy crop top and white high tops. Since I'm going out to hang out with y/b/f/n.

*at the mall*

"So do you think Harry still has feelings for you?" "Of course not. He's asking some girl out today." "I'm sorry." "It's fine." "I'm sure Niall will make your birthday amazing though." "Yeah, that is if he remembers it." "He seriously forgot!?" "They all did. I've been best friends with them for 8 years and I've lived with Niall for 18 years. And none of them remember my birthday." "I'm sorry." "It's whatever." "Well let's go back to your house and we can have a spa night." "Yessss! I've been needing one of those." She laughed and we headed back to my house. I hoped the door and immediately I heard, "SURPRISE!" I was completely shocked, but I saw all my friends and family. Including the boys. "I thought you guys forgot." I said as I hugged each of them. "We could never forget." Niall said. I hugged Harry but it was really awkward. "So how did it go asking that girl out?" "I'm not sure yet." "Well good luck. And let me know how it goes." I said, trying to be supportive. "I will, and I'll need it."

*few hours later*

We were all outside. There was a huge projector and we were watching a slideshow and videos of people saying happy birthday. Then came Harry's video. "Um hi, I honestly don't know what to say. To start off, Happy birthday! You are now legally an adult. About 2 years ago I made a promise. I said that I would wait until you were old enough. After a few months I thought you lost interest. So I tried to move on. I had dated a few girls, but they all said the same thing, they knew I loved someone else. I promised I would wait, and I never planned on breaking that promise. I've been in love with you since day one. Please, help me keep the promise I made two years ago, and go on a date with me?" I huge smile rose to my face as I turned around to see Harry. I hugged him tightly. "I can't believe you actually waited." He smiled. Then before I knew it I pressed my lips to his. Our lips moved in sync. We pulled away after a moment. "So, is that a yes?" "No, it was a no." I said sarcasticly. He faked a frown then I said, "Of course it's a yes." I kissed him again and then just hugged him. "Oh and just since you asked me to let you know how it went, the girl said yes." I shook my head and laughed.

#one direction #harry styles #niall horan #liam payne #louis tomlinson #zayn malik #celebrities #one direction imagines #fiction #fanfic #harry styles imagine #harold styles #harry edward styles #hazza styles #harries

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thedappleddragon · 3 years

Text

last night I dreamed that I was an archeologist tortoise and I was looking at dozens of “human” skeletons in Buckingham palace that was also my backyard. the skeletons all looked like combo human and turtle because the whole torso looked basically like the first google image result for sea turtle skeleton. then my sister woke me up, giving me a comforter and telling me my mom need help with some things. cleaned up around the living room and did some laundry and boiled some eggs and made meatloaf and swept the floor. the meatloaf turned out surprisingly good, idk what I did differently. I evemtually went back to my room and tried to remember what I wanted to do today. last night as I was falling asleep I told myself that I was gonna clear off my desk so I could finally use it, so I moved some stuff around and set up my laptop. I havent been able to sit at a real actual desk in SO LONG and its SO NICE to have just like a space where I can sit down and work and have a chair that will support my back instead of sitting cross legged on my bed or laying down while doing stuff on my laptop. it almost makes me feel productive even I'm just playing the sims. I feel especially cool when im just typing out whatever bullshit because it makes me feel like im at an office job typing up ~important documents~ :) idk man I think quarantine has changed me lmao. if im getting this many emotions from just being able to sit down at a desk and do ANYTHING idk how im gonna handle collage. I keep calling whetever im doing (playing the sims, scrolling through Tumblr, typing up this summary of the day) work because it just. feels nice sitting at a desk and typing. even if it’s dumb bullshit!! idk how to describe it I just feel amazing. it makes me feel like im writing a paper with all the horrible parts like research and thinking. the sound of typing on my MacBook makes me feel like im in school again, but without the horrible stressful parts. idk mn I know I've been going on about this desk and stuff for too long and im gonna hate it if I eventually read back through these daily logs but I just feel so nice. ill change topics anyway. I hung up my calendar again! I literally didn't have any open wall space aside from maybe the wall behind my bed but why the hell would I put a calendar where I can't see it. instead its kind of hanging above my closet. I pinned it to the wooden board in the “doorway” (idk what other word to use) where there would normally be sliding doors that open and shut if they hadn't been taken off YEARS ago. I also played a lot of the sims 4, juggling aspirations for 5 sims. I quit because I got frustrated that all my sims are dumb and the ai Is buggy and doesn't let me do what I want them to do. I also plopped in a house on my family’s old lot and spent some time adjusting the colors and the trees and adding those paper craft cieling things that can either have stars or leaves or snowflakes that came in the free winter holiday stuff pack and holy shit as soon as I found those I think they became my new favorite decoration item. I threw them everywhere but eventually took down most of them, leaving some leaf ones in the bedroom. I was gonna move in a family of a bunch of young adults and children to help with the first kid’s serial romantic aspiration and one of the twin’s social butterfly aspiration, but I ended up not doing that in favor of just decorating more and playing with the family some more. one thing I realized while playing is that there are fucking MICE in my CIELING. well not really in the cieling, in the attic, but I can hear them chewing on shit and its sucks. I would turn on a fan to drown out the noise but my room is fucking FREEZING. I threw the blanket back over my window hoping that it would keep heat from escaping but I don't think that really did anything. so after freezing my ass off I got fed up and put on fluffy socks under normal socks, wore my owl onesie as pants over my shorts, put on my comfy (oversized hoodie), and threw a fluffy blanket over my shoulders. thankfully I was pretty cozy after that, but as I type this after taking off the cosy and blanket, I can feel my toes getting cold again. damnit. ANYWAY after quitting the sims for the night I ate some salad and got a heart shaped crouton :) and I scrolled through Tumblr for a bit. then I decided to finally work on the paws my friend wanted. but I couldn't find the pattern so I instead worked on the brown paws instead. I could only work on them so much, since I still have to finish the lining before I can do much else. I attached the backs of the fingers to the back of the hand. I didnt get much down but what matters is that I did SOMETHING. I'm gonna keep an eye out for that pattern that I need, and if I cant find it, I'll just make a new pattern. tbh I think thad’s be the better way to go anyway since I wouldn't have to figure out how the fuck the old one goes together and I can also have a pattern that perfectly fits the foam underneath. also tbh i have mixed feeling about the white paws my friend wants. I like how dextrous they are and how easily you can emote and move your fingers, but I dont like how ovular I made the paw pads and the hints of black thread peaking out where I sewed the pads from the back. I WOULD just remake them with the free curl works pattern im using for the brown paws but I figure I might as well finish this pair since there’s already one done and the foam interior is already made. whatever. I dont wanna think about it too much. I also dont like the head that goes with the paws, it was a fish job in comparison to my first head and I kinda hate it. but I think I'll eventually get some longer fur for the neck and a hair poof and cheeks (maybe) and do a little refurbishing and give it to my friend if she ever wants it, since it matches the paws and all. I have lots of plans for my 2 WIP heads but not all the materials/motivation. plus I just need to let the ideas stir before I do unything, making sure they’re goof before I act on them. I'm exited that I can shave down fur relativey easily and evenly without an electric dog shaver, which opens up a lot of opportunities. anyway as I was working on the brown paws I had TAZ on in the background and it still baffles me a little bit how different griffin and Matt mercer operate as dms like holy shit. its really funny. and it got me thinking about how I wouldn't mind dming for my friend group if he chance ever arose. I DO have the forgotten realms campaign setting book. I haven't actually looked at it but I assume it has a few pre-built quests and plot lines n stuff in it. I'll probably take a better look at in the morning when it’s not 1:40 am. dang now I'm thinking about my Minecraft dnd idea again. I think the real problem keeping me from being a dm is that I CANNOT keep a straight face when doing improv/roleplaying, so I dont know how well I could hold together a world for them to play in. I would love to give it a try tho. not with the Minecraft idea at the same time, fuck no. I would need to do like. a classic vanilla dnd experience the first time, maybe even using our tiefling family characters since I'm at least a little familiar with them. can you dm and also play your own character? is that fair? is that a think you can do? I think that could be fun but also hard to juggle and also maybe kinda suck because you’d already know all the answers to all the puzzles. meh. actually now I kind of really want to look through thet book tonight instead of in the morning. also I mentioned overnight oats a few days ago I think, and the first morning it was kinda gross, the second time I ate it was still a little gross texture wise, but I finished it off tonight and it was pretty good. maybe next time I'll try it without the banana and a little less milk and maybe slice up an apple into little cubes for texture. hell yeah peanut butter apple cinnamon brown sugar overnight oats. that sound pretty dang good actually. I'll try that some time, but I dont think I can right now because I dont think we have any apples in the house. phooey. I should also probably put this oatmeal cp in the sink before it becomes impossible to clean. holy shit how long have I been writing? SEE THE DESK MAKES ME JUST WANNA KEEP WRITING AND WRITING FOREVER I FEEL SO PRODUCTIVE EVEN IF IM NOT DOING ANYTHING PRODUCTIVE!! I love just typing and typing forever its so soothing just hearing the tapping of the keyboard and getting my thought out without actually having to think that hard about it. goddamn im never gonna read back through this this is a nightmare lmao. no paragraph breaks no capitalization no nothin. I dont even wanna stop typing even though my arm is starting to hurt a little but from leaning the edge of the desk. now im thinking about the movie soul again and the cat as it rides on the escalator to the great beyond and how that dude in the band was the main characters student and how that scene with the girl trying to quit music and then immediately changed her mind didnt make any sense. like what the hell I dont understand that scene at all. also thinking about the transition where he’s like “ok repeat after me” as he’s in the cat and the camera goes over the mom’s shoulder and it’s just him talking, I like how they did that instead of doing dialouge between him and the cat. idk man. I think maybe I should stop typing now since my body is starting to hurt. sorry for putting this H U G E wall of text on your dash but I just like typing out my thoughts :) goodnight!

edit: OH I forgot to talk about something else!! last night I was thinking about valentines day and how cute it would be to have a little overall dress in the pattern on one of my childhood blankets, its like a light pink with white hearts on it so I looked up some fabrics and none of them were the right pattern. I also looked up a sewing pattern that I think would look nice and its on sale right now! I totally want to try and make it, but fabric is expensive so I think I might look at dollar tree for fleece baby blankets because I know they have them there, I bought a few a while ago for some plush sewing projects. they’re decently sized so I think I could do it.idk how many I would need to buy tho. or I might go to goodwill and look for a pink sheet? I have a thin pink blanket that could theoretically work but I want to use a planet im not attached to. or even just find a few big shirts in the same shade of pink? then I could maybe line it with something. I have red purple and white satin but that’s literally the worst fuckin fabric in the world to work with. my first experience with sewing was trying to make plushies out of satin and holy hell idk how I did it. anyway even though I literally never wear dresses I think it would be a fun project to try and make myself a cute little valentines dress. :) I could even give myself POCKETS >:)))

#thanks for coming to my ted talk #long post #I think maybe I should tag my daily shit with something like 2021 journal? idk im lazy so we'll see #January 2021 daily #2021 daily

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