#but i didn’t go too in-detail because i resent that shit lmao

[unsurprisingly-l]

i dodged a fucking bullet

oh my god guys so the guy i was talking to. SO MUCH!!!!!

1. he was weird and pushy. i made it very clear within the first WEEK of us speaking i made it very clear that i did not want to date him, and that i liked things in the current standing. i. wanted to meet him after i finished work, so we were planning it out and whatnot and he goes “i want to pick u up from work :)” and i JOKINGLY said “my little service sub” IMMEDIATELY FOLLOWED BY AN LMAO. and i guess. that. confused him or whatever so within the next week or so he referred to himself as “your …” something i forgot but like. “i’m your pet” but not. pet it was something else but that’s how it came across and i was like… chill out w that like you are not mine and i am not yours i said i didn’t want to date and he did it again the next week. and i repeated myself. and again. so i cut him off. 2. in the time we weren’t speaking, i was getting my fucking LIFE together and he. well. he got a haircut, went to a party™️ and had sex* with two girls within the same night and posted a bunch of new ..posts on his insta, and unfollowed me. 3. i didn’t even notice he unfollowed me, until the guilt of just. leaving him in the dark (as i would not like to have been if i were him) built up and i decided to reach out and try and apologize and take accountability. i also didn’t hold any resentment towards him or anything like that bc . i know men are just generally shit and i don’t have time to spend being pressed about a boy. so whatever i reach out to him, and we plan to meet at a park to discuss for full closure 4. the WHOLE TIME,,,,,, he was guilt tripping me and being super melodramatic and emo and cringe and UGH!!!!! . but i was Too Autistic™️ to really be affected by it so when he was like “i’ve been through so much like i’m not who i was before and things are really hard for me right now” and i was like. yeah dude me too like i’ve been at such a low point in my life as of late that the time we spent not talking i spent getting my shit together so i didn’t want to go on a mass killing spree every single day so. i feel you and also you cut your hair and posted a bunch of new posts so you obviously are on some new shit. and details details later he goes “do you think you’re good for me?” and i cringed so fucking hard but didn’t show it and i was like “…considering i don’t want to be in a relationship with you, no” and then EYE wanted to ask abt the party™️ but in like a . haha two girls in one night wow type of way not like. are you fucking shitting me dude bc i feel no possessiveness about him. but then i deemed it inappropriate and didn’t but i had already started the question with “do you..” and he said”yes.” and i was like ??? lol and he was like “i do regret.” and so . EMO and i was like “lol that was Not the question i was gonna ask” and he was like “well that’s the question i’m answering” and i was like “..okay..?” and then it got awkward and i tried to make casual convo and he was like “can we just sit in silence for like 10 mins?” and i was like “okay!” but internally i was like seriously dude this is such a waste of precious work time and kinda just looked around and eventually just couldnt take the silence anymore and started talking again and brought the tension down so we decided to just. Walk Somewhere Else so we start going and after a while of him subtly trying to flirt and me just shutting that shit down every time he asks me if he makes me uncomfortable. also for context, when we were still talking, i told him that i didn’t necessarily trust him because i Don’t Trust Men because of how many of the close ones in my life were fucked up to me so it wasnt Him it was just Men and he wasn’t unreceptive but he obviously didn’t want to hear something like that and he said he didn’t understand but it also didn’t really seem like he wanted to understand. so back to his question i said no, but i don’t really think you respect my boundaries either as you’ve already shown (couple-y pet naming thing), so i know that i can expect for you to cross my boundaries, and i’ll know what i have to do when that happens. and he goes silent and doesn’t say anything until we get to a piece of . Sidewalk with benches and he wordlessly veers off to the right towards the benches and i don’t remember the conversation leading up to it but then he CRIED???? and its not that Man Crying its that its literally not that deep bro you thought you could control me (foreshadowing) and got your ass handed to you and you’re upset as a result. and i wasn’t mean to him at all!!!! i was super nonchalant and chill the whole time because im so mature and know how to handle my emotions (hide them). but he only reached out once after that and i didn’t try to reach back out bc i reflected after and realized just how much he was guilt tripping me.

5. TODAY!! i was talking to a girl that knows him and that *sex he had with those two girls at that party, were two black out drunk girls that he definitely did not get consent from, but got head. he forced some girl to make out with him because he thought she was going in for a kiss and she was just leaning over to grab something and he just. held her in place as he tried to pull away, also a serial unsolicited jerking off video sender, plus more and just being an overall creep. so.. I dodged a fucking bullet

[the-cult-of-russo]

Biggest Regret

Pairing: Billy Russo x Reader 

A/N: This one wasn't a request. I have Billy on the brain so much that I literally woke up and this popped into my head as I was laying there trying to fully wake up and I had to write it lmao It's just a little thing. A letter from Billy to you. I know a lot of you guys might want a part two for it, the resolution to the letter and there's a few ways it could go. So if anyone asks for a part two, let me know how you want it. Angsty? Fluffy? A mix? And I'll see what the general consensus is. I already have a slight idea about it but I wanna know what you guys want. 

Also this is my AU dreamland where Billy didn’t betray Frank looool

Warnings: cursing, angst, sadness and regret from Billy. Talks of pregnancy and babies and abandonment.

-----------

Y/N,

I know it's been a while and I don't even know if you still live where you did back then or if you'll get this. I'd say some shit like I hope you're doing well, which I am, but… I know you won't want to hear it. 

I'm overseas again right now with Anvil. Me and Frank are taking point on a serious mission we're doing. Anvil's doing pretty well right now and we just got a contract from the CIA which is how we ended up here. Being out here like this, it reminds me of being deployed. Part of me missed it, I guess.

It's given me a lot to think about. It's funny how life and death situations do that to you, puts it all in perspective. And I know… I know you probably hate me and I don't blame you but I just hope if you do get this letter that you at least read it all. 

I never should have walked away last year. I used to think I was a brave man, I mean the shit I've faced in the marines and with Anvil… I never backed down and I always fought. But with this. With you and the baby, I tucked tail and ran and I'll never forgive myself for that. 

Honestly, I was terrified. I didn't think I could be the man you and the baby needed. I don't know what it's like to have loving parents and I hate myself so much for walking away. I don't want to do to my own kid what my mom did to me. I don't want them to grow up thinking I don't care, that I don't want them. It was never about that. I was never angry you were pregnant, I was never resentful. I was just scared that I'd fuck it up beyond repair so I got out of there before I had the chance. 

I should have been there for you, Y/N. I should have been there to hold your hair from your face when you got sick. To go out at 3am and get you pickles or whatever the fuck it is that pregnant women love to eat. I should have been there with you at the birthing classes and the scans and the appointments. I should have been there to hold your hand in the delivery room, to tell you what an amazing job it is you're doing. I should have been there to hold my kid when they came into the world. To be there for you and them. 

I can't take that back. I can't rewind time and be there and I wish I could. I don't know anything about my own baby which hurts the shit outta me and it's my own fault. I don't know if they're a boy or girl, how old they are. I know they'll roughly be a few months old based on when I walked away but that's about it. Do they look more like me or you? Are they a happy or fussy baby? This is the shit that's been running through my head out here. Fuck… I don't know if…. I don't even know if you kept the baby and that shit hurts too deep to even consider. But I know you well enough. Or at least I think I do. And I don't think you would have done that. As much as it would kill me inside, if you did I wouldn't blame you. I'd left you all alone to deal with it and I know neither of us planned a kid. 

Frankie was the one who told me to write this. He's been putting up with me nonstop the last month of us being out here crying  talking about you and the baby. He and Maria miss you, the kids too. Maybe that alone should have told me back then how important you were to me. I'd never introduced any of the girls I slept with to them, but it just felt natural to me back then. I'd wanted to. I couldn't even see just how much you meant to me. 

It's like they always say, you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone. And I didn't know just how much I cared about you until that day I walked away and I fucking miss you, Y/N. Frank and Maria always ask if I'd heard anything about the baby or if I've reached out and it breaks my heart every time with how disappointed they are. I guess I never really thought they'd be excited for me to have a kid. But they're my family, of course they would be. 

Frank roughed me up, you know that? I didn't tell him right away about the baby. He'd ask about you and I told him we decided it wasn't working like the coward I am. But then a few weeks after I told him the truth. He clocked me in the jaw, yanked me around as he yelled about how stupid and selfish I was. And I let him. He was right and I deserved it. I don't think I've ever seen Frankie so mad before and that's saying something. 

I know I should have reached out sooner, but being out here on the front lines like this, it reminds me of how fleeting life can be. And I wish it didn't take something extreme like that to give me the balls to man up and write this to you but I think we've all established I'm not as brave as I once thought I was. 

I have no right asking you for anything, I know that. But I miss you and I want to be a part of our baby's life. And you can ignore this letter or tell me to go fuck myself and I'll listen. If you tell me to stay away, I will. I owe you that much. But I'd… even if you could tell me about them a little, it would mean the world everything to me. And I know I don't deserve shit but I'm selfish and asking you anyway. 

I've seen and done a lot of shit in my life and your face has haunted me every single night since the day I walked away. I saw how scared you were. You were just as terrified as me about the baby and I wasn't there for you. I didn't comfort you or reassure you that we'd get through it together. Instead I shut down and told you I couldn't do it, I wouldn't do it. And then you looked at me with such heartbreak that it makes my chest feel tight and I fucking hate it. Every time I close my eyes I remember those looks and I know I'm a piece of shit for ever putting them on your face. 

It hurts more that you just accepted it. Like you expected it from me. I guess you knew me well enough to have an idea how it would go when you told me. And then you fucking respected my wishes and didn't contact me about anything. You didn't owe me that. You should have harassed me, called me a piece of shit, fought me, got child support. Fucking something. But of course you didn't. You've always been too kind and caring for that. Always looked after me even when I least deserve it. 

And I guess I'm hoping that even through the hate and betrayal you feel for me, that maybe somewhere in there you still care even just a little. Enough to put me out of my misery. Enough to send even a letter with the bare minimum details about our kid. I'm hoping that I didn't change you because you were perfect as you were and the last thing I want is to have fucked you up because of my own insecurities. 

There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think of you. Think of the baby. I wonder how you're both doing and if you're happy. I know you'd be a great mom and despite it all, I'm glad that if I had a kid with anyone that it was you. I'm coming back stateside in three weeks. It's gonna kill me not knowing if you've wrote back or not but I won't hold it against you if you don't. 

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the pain I caused you. For making you go through all this alone. For walking away from you and the baby like I did. If I was there I'd be down on my knees begging for forgiveness for what I did. All I can hope is that you take some mercy on me, even just a little. 

I miss you, Y,N. I miss you so much it hurts and I'm just sorry. Whatever you decide, I'll understand and respect it. I love you. And yeah I probably shouldn't say that, might feel like a smack in the face after everything I've done, but I do. And I know I never told you that when we were together. We were never really 'serious' or whatever, or at least that's what I told myself. But it was only ever you. When I was with you there were no others. And I couldn't see it at the time but I'd fell in love with you the moment we met in that damn grocery store. I don't know if you ever felt the same about me but I know even if you did I've ruined that. I don't expect anything from you. I fucked up and I know that. But it doesn't change that I want to be there now. I want to know about our baby, I want to be part of their life. I want them to grow up knowing I care about them because I do.

I hope to hear from you when I'm back but I won't hold my breath. I hope… I hope you're both doing okay and I'm just sorry for everything. I hope one day you'll be able to forgive me.

Billy 

#billy russo #billy russo x reader #the punisher #billy russo imagine

[compassion-of-a-lightner]

I guess I'm sleep deprived enough having not slept for 4 days to make a post about this.

People who entirely write off Asgore as a character worth caring about in any respect, what's up?

I should clarify.

This is not directed to people who fully consider his story in UT, or the implications in DR and come out of it going "I don't forgive him and therefore don't like him"

It's more to the weirdly hostile voices I see that are just like, entirely dismissive of his story and just go "Haha, he sucks. Definitely no nuance here! Just shitty! Every other character is worth the world and Asgore is a piece of shit forever and should die lmao" and like, did you play the same game?

Because I feel like you're just robbing yourself of a whole ass dynamic of the story in UT just to go "Haha, he's a lame divorced shithead and murderer, Toriel deserves better uwu" and like, that's not the point? OBVIOUSLY she does? Because she decided he's not for her in both games for different reasons? That doesn't delete his story from the game(s) or make it less valuable to consider?

Also good for her (in UT), the dumbass goes kid killer and you tell him to go fly a kite.

But like, seriously man. Asgore has one of the most hefty 'crumbling under the weight of the world' narratives to his story in UT.

He's in charge of giving all monsters a better life, and he's looked deep inside, witnessed his son killed by humanity, witnessed the (supposed) best chance at peace between humanity and monsters pass with Chara, and he's decided that the only hope to provide for those he cares about is to give up his own 'humanity' and gather the power of human souls to break through... AND HE CAN'T EVEN DO THAT BECAUSE HE CAN'T BRING HIMSELF TO BECOME THE MONSTER HE HATES!

(Yes he kills though, I mean finish the plan, we'll get to that)

Like cut and dry, it's a pretty shit plan bud. But it's born from a place of deep compassion and a sense of significant loss that made him desperate.

(some of these details might be too fuzzy from a long time since playing but the general point remains)

He doesn't know all the facts.

He doesn't know everything about Chara.

He doesn't know that Chara, while fused with Asriel, wanted to commit violence against Humanity for what they did to the monsters.

He didn't know that Asriel died because he fought against this.

He didn't know so much of the story. All he saw was his adopted child dying with a simple wish to see the flowers again, and humanity attacking like the beasts they claimed monsters were when his son attempted to fulfill that wish.

He saw humanity's darkest, and questioned why monsters were the ones locked below. And he saw what Asriel and Chara were able to accomplish together so he made a plan.

His plan rings the same tones of most 'last chance' narratives. There IS no other way out from what he's witnessed. Chara and Asriel WERE the good option out, and it didn't work.

The good ending was attempted, and denied. So he looked at his options and there really weren't many.

Either die underground, or kill to make the surface their home.

And upon finally building up the determination to put his plan in motion, he couldn't do it.

He killed, and immediately had too much regret to follow through.

He shut down, he crumbled under the pressure, he saw the blood on his hands and he realized he wasn't able to hate strongly enough to use the soul to break through and attack humanity as a whole.

As Toriel said in the true end, he could have gone with 1 soul, but he hid away and hoped that no more humans would come.

His true plan was to end his plan. To live in regret of the life he stole and never see another human again, and out of fear of revealing his failure to his people, out of fear of admitting to them that they would never see the surface again, he hid from his responsibility because it would demand he become a true monster. He claimed to need more power, and hoped no one would come to confront them.

He locked himself into the responsibilities of a mad king, to kill and gather power whenever a new human arrives. For nothing.

To continuously bloody his hands in the hopes of never doing so again, all because he's too 'weak' to just go up top and become the Mercy-less monster he truly believed needed to exist to free them.

And all the sadness and regret, but hollow determination to continue on his path is so STRONG in his story, man! It's TERRIBLE!

He hates what he's become; He shows no joy at the thought of fighting Frisk. He's built an empty responsibility all in the hope of never killing again, and the world keeps laughing at him as it tosses more lives his way.

He wants to help his people, but he doesn't want to hurt the humans.

He was a good person presented with a perspective of the 'facts' that laid bare a world of disgusting hate, a world that can't be reasoned with, a world without Mercy. And after having lost his only children to this world, he gave in to his own weakness and decided to play by the rules- to also fight without Mercy.

AND. FAILED.

He's both entirely convinced that the world has no mercy, and is entirely unable to relinquish his own.

All while bitterly tending to an evil he resents to its core, all while hoping to be left alone and never be asked to shed blood again, all while truly believing he must do so- in these circumstances- if he is to protect the lives on the surface and maintain even a semblance of his mercy in the grand scheme of things.

Let them live and risk the humans finding out he killed in the first place, risk the humans coming underground to kill them all. Risk repeating what happened with Asriel, but for them all because of blood on his hands.

Kill them, for no gain, and continue the facade- continue telling everyone you're almost strong enough to kill those on the surface. Continue lying, so that the monsters are safe, and the humans are as well. All at the cost of another child. IT SUCKS IT'S FUCKING BAD MAN.

It's what makes it so touching that you can convince him through your intense determination to break the rules of this mercy-less world! You're unending compassion and inability to accept 'no' for an answer in regards to cherishing life provides him with new hope!

It's a glimpse of a person with true unending mercy that convinces him that the world can be changed- Frisk and the player's actions convince him that he was mistaken. That it never had to be the original plan, and the reason he couldn't think of a new one is because succumbing to the act of murder had destroyed his sense of hope- he wasn't the right person to come up with a plan to free the monsters after that because it was simply too damaging to his ability to hope or dream of a better future.

He needed convinced.

He needed to be shown that the world can have mercy in it, that it can be compassionate.

Things he once believed were possible, and a reality that was torn from him with the loss of his kids- revitalized as you step through to make it happen.

IT'S GOOD, OKAY.

AND ASGORE IS INTEGRAL TO IT AND IS A TRAGIC FIGURE WITHIN IT.

Anyways you can still hate him, you're opinions are you own and he sucks at being a good dude. The dude killed kids (in UT), you remember that? Fucked up.

I've just been seeing a lot of takes on the guy as some nuance-less bad person when he has so many layers of depth going on that it sounds bizarre to hear him summed up as like "Oh yeah, Asgore is a piece of shit, anyways let's talk about the character depth of Pipis"

I mean come on, Ms. Pipis is right there, talk about her, lol.

#Deltarune #Undertale #Asgore #asgore dreemurr #asgore undertale #my posts #spoilers #it's a mistake to ramble about a character without sleep

[idontblushsrry]

Itadori Yuuji Boyfriend Headcanons

A/N: Reader is from America and a black female. Idk why i decided to write this but I think that Yuuji would be a fun boyfriend lmao. I don’t entirely know what the reader’s cursed technique should be so lmk if you have any ideas. Until then enjoy Yuuji and reader being 2 idiots in love. Spoilers for all the eps of jujutsu kaisen up to about episode 11, nothing past that though as I want to finish the show first before reading the manga, so please be respectful of spoilers and label them (and tag if necessary) in the comments. Also srry if this cuts off abruptly bcus of the point the show is at. This is also like, all over the place but whatever.

(also sorry this was posted later than usual oops)

Word Count:  1943

This dork-

He is so sweet and kind and considerate 

But also a dumbass but also like he’s your dumbass

You and Yuuji are both equally stupid like bless yalls hearts

You and Yuuji met during his time at the Tokyo Academy when you transferred from America

The moment this man saw you walk up with Gojo-sensei he was smitten

Like your skin was glowing??? how???

And you had a slight accent but like he loved it too

And when you came up to greet him and shake hands you smelled so good and your skin was so soft

((He would later come to find out that the root of that was the shea cocoa butter lotion you used))

But yea mans was smitten and he is fully in love with you lmao

Will do literally anything you ask

You hungry? He’s prepared a 5 course, michelin star meal

Want new clothes? He’s been training for the day he could hold your bags for you

Ran out of hair products?? He’s already back with a special box of your products that he had imported from America

To this day you don’t know how he was able to get those products so quickly

He is loves when you tell him things about you from your day, to your times in america, to how your cursed energy works

Yall are the couple that does stupid shit together

Like one time you showed Yuuji one of those life hack videos and he was like 

“We should totally do that” 

And you were like “Bet”

Needless to say Fushiguro was very confused at the sight of bandaids on both of your fingers the next morning

“???What happened?”

“Well you see, I told Yuuji that I should use the glue gun because he didn’t even know where to put the glue stick. And he said nah, I got it and um yea so I fell and the glue gun was plugged in and then he tripped over me and so now we look like this.”

Gojo and Kugisaki thought that this was hilarious while Fushiguro decided that he’d store your guys’ glue gun in his shadows from now on

How yall manage to get through missions you go on together alive is a miracle

Speaking of missions, you eventually ask Yuuji what’s his deal because you feel a powerful aura coming from him but he never uses cursed energy, always cursed weapons

Cue Sukuna’s mouth popping up on the side of his face like “Hey mamas”

(You can’t tell me that Sukuna isn’t the type of guy to ask where his hug at)

“YUUJI WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?!”

“Oh, I guess you haven’t met Sukuna yet, huh?”

So he sits you down and explains how he ate Sukuna’s finger and you're sitting there like ‘mhm mhm mhm, sorry you what?’

For like 3 days after he told you that you couldn’t bring yourself to kiss him just because you were processing the fact that Yuuji ate someone’s nasty old ass finger and would have to eat 19 more

And the fact that he’s the vessel of like the worst curse known to man 

During those 3 days, Yuuji’s pouting because he’s like ‘I fucked up, now she doesn’t wanna kiss me let alone talk to me because of this monster inside of me :(’

Meanwhile you’re just like ‘why would anyone eat some random mummified finger?’

Eventually you get wind of Yuuji’s bad mood and immediately, you rush to smooth things over with him.

You knock on his door and hear blankets rustling before he goes, “I’m not in the mood to play fight right now Kugisaki’

“Can I come in baby?”

You immediately hear the most comical almost cartoonish amount of noise ranging from a cup falling over, sheets falling off the bed, and what sounds like Yuuji falling flat on his ass before he opens the door

When he does, you’re laughing and it’s like the sky is no longer grey and the world is filled with color

You smile at each other before your moment is interrupted with Sukuna going “Finally, full offense, his whining was getting annoying”

You step inside his room and apologize for ignoring him, explaining that you just needed time to process things, explaining that you should’ve told him that before dipping

He just grabbed you in a bear hug and lifted you of the ground and spinning you around laughing happily, after all he wasn’t even upset with you, he just missed you

And thus begins the honeymoon phase of your guys’ relationship

Fushiguro is actually really happy for you guys and is the most supportive of your relationship but if anyone asked him to admit that out loud he’d actually apparate to the nearest marooned ship

Nobura doesn’t hate you guys but she thinks all couples are disgusting, so while it’s nothing personal, she does gag when you and Yuuji do so much as make goo goo eyes at each other

Gojo is actually like the main cheerleader of your relationship. 

He is the teacher that changes the seating chart to put students he ships together

He was always pairing you and Yuuji up on missions and placing you as sparring partners like ur not slick

If Gojo is the cheerleader, Sukuna is an actual antagonist

Like the man goes out of his way to CHOOSE violence

Like on time you kissed Yuuji’s cheek on a date and when you pulled back, your lip was bleeding and Sukuna’s mouth was smirking at you

Another thing he likes to do is tell you all of Yuuji’s simp^tm thoughts

Like all of them

Now Yuuji isn’t ashamed of how much he loves you and is in fact very open with it, but he doesn’t need Sukuna telling you that the only reason he bought x mouthwash was because it made your breath smell like “sunshine” and he had to see if it would work on him

Speaking of dates, good luck

Now I stand by the fact that Yuuji would never half-ass a date and things with him are certainly never boring

But he’s also like a country boy in the city and his tourist tendencies tend to get the best of him

Like you’ll be trying to find a spot to eat and when you look back Yuuji’s gone

((Prolly to buy another I <3 Tokyo shirt so you can both match))

He always catches up with you ad you eventually learn that but like the first few times be havin you ready to put up a lost child signal on the loudspeaker

He’s very sweet and this is where his thoughtfulness shines through

You and Yuuji plan dates in the same way one plays bingo

Like because you never know where you’re going to be r when exactly you’ll both be free (especially with Gojo-sensei and his bare minimum ass information) you two tend to go ‘ok well if we’re here we’ll go here and if we’re here, we’ll go here’ and so on and so forth

But Yuuji always remembers such little one-off details about you that make your dates.

Like you mention wanting to try a sushi train and he’s already scrolled through multiple yelp reviews and watched every youtube restaurant review like 9 times

But every high has a low and Yuuji and your’s low comes suddenly and it brings you crashing to the ground with no warning and nothing to slow your descent

When your class of first years were sent to exorcise the special grade cursed womb

When Yuuji’s hand got blown off and he told you to run you froze, your mind racing faster than your legs could even start

“(Y/N) RUN!” Yuuji’s voice broke you out of your fear-based trance

“I- I...can’t...I can’t leave you!” you cried out all your rational senses screamed at you to go, run, he had Sukuna and you were barely a grade 2 sorcerer. But your intuition told you if you left him you wouldn’t see him alive again.

You were trapped in a paralysis of indecision but the choice was made for you when a sticky tongue wrapped around your midriff and you were gulped into the mouth of one of Fushiguro’s frogs

“Goddamn it Fushiguro! Let me go! I need to... save... him.” You were outside the building before you could even finish arguing.

You glared up at Fushiguro but your eyes softened some when you saw how beat up Kugisaki looked.

He gave you this look that said he did what he had to do and he didn’t care what you had to say about it 

You and him waited in the rain for Yuuji or Sukuna to exit the building

You tried to focus yourself and save your negative emotions for your cursed attack

When Sukuna inevitably appeared, one finger stronger, you were fully prepared to fight him

However, he didn’t seem interested in fighting you and more engaged in fighting with Megumi

You tried to urge Fushiguro to wait it out, eventually Sukuna would lose control, but when Sukuna took Yuuji’s heart hostage, you both knew you’d have to fight

You and Fushiguro gave it your all but when Yuuji came back he still died 

It took all your strength to not completely fall apart after his death and the support from the second years as well as Kugisaki and Fushiguro helped

You’d tried to visit him at the morgue but Shoko only told you that she didn’t think it’d be a good idea.

You still slept in his sweaters and the things that smelled like him from time to time, trying to make the idea of him last, but after a month, the smell of him had started to fade

Everything about Yuuji’s memory seemed to become leached away with time, from his smell, to the wear present on things he’d given to you

You couldn’t help but feel resentful towards yourself but also to Sukuna, he’d taken Yuuji from you with the same care that one would throw litter on the ground

The pain in your chest didn’t wane either, it only became ignorable to a degree as training for the exchange with the Kyoto students became more intense

Fushiguro is a comfort to you as well, aside from you, him and Yuuji were the closest to each other and so he gets a lot of what you’re going through and doesn’t push when you become more withdrawn

He also lets you pet his demon dog too but when you ask him why he’s letting you pet it he just says ‘because no one would believe you if you told them’ lies

The bastard really just does it because he knows you’re sad and he doesn’t want you to be sad

Speaking of the Kyoto students, Zenin Mai and Toudou Aoi are permanently on your shit list

You’re relieved that Panda, Maki, and Inumaki came to your guys’ aid but like if you had your way Mai wouldn’t even exist

Anyways Maki has Panda physically restrain you while she tries to calm you down 

“(Y/N), you can kick her ass at the exchange!”

When you calm down, Panda puts you down and even though Mai’s long gone with Todou to go get his handshake, you make a promise that carries through the wind

‘Zenin Mai, pray that the next time you run across me I’m feeling kind, because if not-’, the last word is lost as the wind picks up but Mai feels a shiver rack through her body that more than ensures your message.

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen imagines #jujutsu kaisen hcs #jjk x reader #itadori yuji x reader #itadori yuji #jjk itadori #black reader #x black reader #idontblushsrry

[bangtann-bangdamn]

Summary: After Taehyung introduces you to a new RPG, you find yourself obsessed with it and a certain blond elf.

Pairing: Yoongi x female reader

Genre: Comedy, romance

Prompt: “I haven’t slept in 3 days. Is it that obvious?”

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: Talk of boners because apparently, that’s where my mind went when I wrote this.

AN: This is for the @btsghostiewritersnet drabble marathon.

"I haven't slept in 3 days. Is it that obvious?" You asked as you dropped into the seat beside Yoongi. You felt like you had bags on the bags under your eyes, but you didn’t think you looked that bad when you left your apartment that morning. That was until the sight of you had made some three-year-old on your bus burst out into tears.

Yoongi raised his head from his desk and gazed at you with hooded eyes. "You look like shit," he commented before lowering his head once more.

"Thanks." You relaxed into your chair. You weren't looking forward to the next three hours of class, not after the night you had.

Heck, after the past couple of months you'd had, you were about ready to curl up in the furthest corner from civilisation you could find. You were done.

And it was all Kim Taehyung's fault.

A few months ago he had pounded on your door at three o'clock in the morning with the ridiculous excuse that he needed to introduce you to your new best friend. You had barely blinked at him before he had barged past you and made himself at home in your lounge, patting the space on the carpet beside him for you to join him. When you had made to go back to bed, Taehyung had threatened to take his laptop into your room, and so you had settled beside him as he pulled up the webpage for an RPG he had discovered.

Warlocks and Wendigos. Its premise was similar to that of any other pay to play RPG. You created a character from one of the various options available and built yourself a virtual life. You could create guilds with fellow players, go on exciting quests to new worlds, and even have virtual relationships.

You had shuddered when Taehyung had first relayed the details to you. Who in their right mind would start a virtual relationship with someone in a game?

You. You were that person.

Taehyung had decided that you were to join his guild and you, as a way to get him out of your apartment and back to your bed, had relented. You had created a profile and started a quest with him. You weren't sure when he left your apartment, but by the time you realised you were alone, the sun was well and truly up and you had missed the first half of your lecture.

It hadn't got any better than that afterwards. You had set off on your own quests, had made your own virtual friends and, most surprising of all had started flirting with an elf by the name of August_D.

Of course, you had mentioned none of this to Taehyung. For all he knew, you logged on occasionally to partake in quests with him and resented every single moment. You would rather die than admit that you were slightly obsessed with an RPG.

Or rather, obsessed with a certain blond elf.

"I know why I look like shit, but why do you?" Yoongi stretched his limbs out as best as he could from his seat. You eyed him critically, noticing his lack of dark circles and unblemished skin.

"Coursework," you lied without missing a beat. "What about you?"

He studied you for a beat. "I've been talking to some girl."

If you had a drink, you would have spat it out all across your desk. "You? Talking? To a girl? Is this the twilight zone?"

Yoongi shrugged. "It's not like that."

"Oh really?"

"Yes, really." He rolled his eyes. "Besides, I talk to you and you're a girl."

"Yeah, except you don't see me as a girl."

"I do too."

"Oh really?" You tilted your head as you studied him. "Then, pray tell, why did you think I would know anything about morning wood?"

Yoongi hesitated. "It's nice to get a second opinion."

You laughed. "Yeah, because I'm going to have an opinion on that."

Yoongi opened his mouth to reply but whatever he was about to respond was lost when your professor walked into the room and started the lecture.

That evening when you logged into Warlocks and Wendigos, you were surprised to find August_D waiting outside your door.

"Finally," he typed. "I have an urgent question."

"Shoot." You frowned as you watched the dots appear and disappear several times from the message box. You took a sip of your drink.

"What's your opinion on morning wood?"

This time, you did spit your drink out. Luckily, you managed to spit away from your laptop.

"WHAT?!?"

"I'm trying to prove something."

"About morning wood?"

"Not exactly... The girl I like IRL thought it was weird that I asked for her opinion on it."

"That is a little weird."

"We were talking about horny women, I thought I was safe to ask."

"What."

"So she was saying how cool it was to be a woman and no one to ever know when you’re aroused and so I asked her what she thought about morning wood."

"Why am I getting De-Ja Vu?"

"You are?"

"Yeah! I had this exact same conversation with my guy friend recently."

"What did you say?"

"Depends on the guy."

"So if it was me?"

"I don't even know you dude lmao."

"That's not what I meant!!! I meant if I was asking you."

"Then I'd still say it depended on the guy."

"Oh, that's what you meant."

"Yeh. like if I woke up in bed with my guy friend and I felt his, I wouldn't exactly be hurrying to kick him out of bed if you know what I mean."

"I think I can guess. You like this guy then?"

"Yeh but he likes some other girl.”

“He said that?"

"Yup."

"That sucks."

"IKR, but I'll live."

You stayed up until the early hours of the morning playing. You knew you shouldn't, but you enjoyed the easy banter August_D provided. That and it just felt easy to talk to him about anything and everything. Almost like a certain guy in your real life.

By the time you rolled into class, you were surprised to find Yoongi sitting upright with his laptop out on the desk. You sat beside him, barely glancing at his screen.

"Why are you so perky this morning?" You asked as you settled your notebook and pen onto your desk.

"I'm testing out a theory."

"Oh really? What's that?" you turned to look at his screen and froze. Opened full-screen on his desktop was a site you were familiar with. "You play Warlock and Wendigos?"

"Yup."

"Oh damn, I lo-" You stopped as you caught sight of his character. An elf with long white-blond hair and a vertical scar down his left eye.

Yoongi watched as your gaze shifted from his screen to him and back.

"I've got to go," You announced, hurriedly packing your bag as you prayed for the ground to swallow you whole

Yoongi chuckled. "Fine, so long as we're still good for the quest tonight."

BGW Drabble Master List

Master List

#btsghostiemarathon #btsghostie #yoongi #bts #yoongi x reader #bts au #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #yoongi x you #bts suga #suga #min yoongi

[bonsai62]

Part 1: The Compatibility between Pisces and Capricorn

Hello everyone! Today, since I am hella bored and have nothing to do this fine evening, I am going to talk about the relationship between our two boys; Yuji and Megumi and how much they represent their signs so much.

Before I get started, I am not going to talk about their sex life even though it’s kinda important if you are into astrology, however, for this case I won’t because both of them are minors. But if you want to read more about their comparability then be my guess and look at the underline links. I will provide links in the discussion so you can have a better understanding on how the signs are and use manga pages for you to visually see it.

Also, excuse my English. I am very bad at it! Even though it’s my first language I still have lots of errors in my writing!

Also beware of manga spoilers too!!

Let’s get started on this very long essay!

Traits of a Pisces: Itadori Yuji

Positive: Compassionate (top), empathetic (middle), & creative (bottom)

We also have: Warm/gentle, caring, intellectual, animal lover, and romantic

Here we have the positive side of a Pisces and let me tell you it screams Yuji so damn much. Yuji is such a compassionate guy. I don’t think I have never seen a character who is very compassionate like Yuji (I have but we are talking about Yuji here lol). He can empathize with a whole lot of people and no matter what the situation is he understands. Yuji doesn’t need to have the same experience as someone because he can feel and get in their head to make him understand what their going through. Which brings me to that he has a really high empathy level when it comes to people (I can relate a lot because I have the same thing). However, having a lot of empathy isn’t all that’s cracked up to be but I’ll talk about it soon.

A Pisces is also very creative and they love hobbies. One of Yuji’s favorite hobbies is, I have a feeling is sports but that just based on what his old school thought of him + the baseball game. Plus cooking! Cooking is an amazing hobby and it lets you get creative with your hands and skills! I like to imagine that he is the best cook throughout the school and loves to share with his classmates and have them rate his cooking lol! Cooking is also a relief of stress so I can also imagine him having a bad day and just ends up being in the kitchen.

Now....

Negative: Overly emotional (top), impressionable (bottom), closed off (middle)

I messed up the order lol

We also have: melancholy, lazy, stubborn, moodiness, etc

Yuji is a very emotional person. We have seen him at his best and at his worse. He is such an emotional person that he felt bad for killing Choso’s brothers. His emotions gets the best of him when Junpei died, Megumi was hurt, seeing what Sukuna has done in Shibuya, and Nanamin/Nobara getting destroyed by Mahito. It’s an unhealthy feeling because we’ve seen Yuji get distracted with his injured friends and him kinda fucking up on his fighting. Another unhealthy trait that Yuji had is not talking about himself. We’ve seen him not talk about his feelings and I mean personal deep feelings that’s always going to be in the back of his head. Like when Megumi knows that something happened to Yuji but Yuji simple doesn’t want to talk about and closes it. He doesn’t really like talking about himself and rather hear other people/helping other people rather than face his own demons. If he’s facing his own demons, he rather be doing it on his own.

I also want to point out that many people think that he gets over people’s death hella easily. No... that is not true whatsoever. The boy has been through so much trauma that eventually you just get so tired of crying about it and you don’t have the energy anymore, you eventually start telling yourself “it is what it is” or “what can I do now?”. Noabra is a perfect example. He didn’t need to cry because he had the biggest mental breakdown when it happened. So when he asked Megumi about her status... he just had to say “alright”.

In my theories... she is definitely alive. Again, Gege is playing half of you guys. She is gonna pop out in the next couple of chapters or even the one coming up next.

Another things that I find interesting in Yuji which according to the links I put, Pisces tend to trust people easily:

Ease of being cheated: A desire to see the best things in other people makes the Two Fish very impressionable individuals. They trust others without any suspicions and often suffer from their frivolity. Any pressure of stronger people is accepted as a command for them and they easily agree with them without any doubts.

For instant, Todo and Choso. Those two mf were about to kill him but they didn’t because of what Yuji’s mind fuck did (I know Gege sensei said that isn’t a theory but still it’s mind fuck lol) He instantly call Todo his best friend like I can hear Nobara (Big sis) twitching somewhere lol. Whenever I think of Yuji and Todo’s relationship, I think of Vinny and Paula D from Jersey Shore haha!

Any who, while trusting people isn’t a bad thing, you still don’t know what their intentions are and everything. It’s a very naive thing to do.

But I felt for Yuji and Choso... Yuji didn’t have much of a choice...

I would like to know what changed Yuji’s mind into staying with Choso. I’m curious how Yuji “trusted” being with Choso after everything that went down. Yuji is a very forgiving character too (minus Mahito). But now, I think we can see that Choso has no bad intentions towards Yuji because he “might” be his brother. And their so cute too!!

On to our other boy!

Traits of a Capricorn: Megumi Fushiguro

Positive: Resourcefulness (top), discipline/patient (middle: also thank @pantherbeamish for the photos!), and reliability (bottom)

We also have: Responsibility, loyalty, diligence, team player, etc

Megumi is a very interesting character. Whenever I see him I get more interested in him. He is exactly what you would describe a Capricorn. We have seen Megumi be resourceful when it comes understanding how curse energy works thanks to him. He is very detailed when it comes to explaining and also a very patient man when Yuji, who doesn’t know jack shit about the Jujutsu world. Never, not once, does Megumi call Yuji an idiot for not knowing all these things. That’s what makes him amazing because if it were other Shonen mangas, the “rival” would’ve called Yuji an idiot. The only time Megumi ever calls Yuji an idiot is when Yuji literally does or says something stupid. To me, that is normal and not being a dick about it because we all know that if we had a friend like Yuji we would’ve stared at him like “why are you like this...”

It’s me... I’m a lot like Yuji lol

But no, he is very patient and tries to explain everything to Yuji as best as he can. I have this thing where almost everyone relies on Megumi a lot because he’s a serious guy + very responsible with his tasks. We see Maki trusting Megumi too. Like the time when Megumi was hyping Yuji up saying he can beat everyone in the Kyoto school if they didn’t use curse energy (something like that lol). Yuji also can confirm himself that Megumi is very reliable. He mentioned it while back at the prison because both sibling duo thought they were lost.

Negative: Sensitivity (top), seriousness (middle), reservation (bottom)

We also have: Unforgiving, criticism, suspicion, pickiness, etc

Just like Yuji, we have seen Megumi’s negative side a lot but it’s simply because he’s sensitive and thinks logically. Sometimes, I also feel like he thinks through his heart as well but that’s just me. That is where the sensitivity comes along. Megumi is hella sensitive he doesn’t need to show it because you can feel it.

In the article:

Sensitivity: It is better not to offend Capricorns who are very sensitive people. They can’t stand being laughed at and remain serious in public but feel badly deeply in their souls. Even a minor joke can result in resentment from their side!

In many, many occasions we have seen everyone fucking around or getting on Megumi’s nerves, especially in our recent Jujustroll where Gojo is saying a bunch of nonsense and embarrassing tf out of Megumi. His seriousness gets in the way and that’s what makes him sensitive.

On the side note: I also wanted to add something. As I was reading a few articles, some mentioned that Capricorns are... bland. Please, Capricorns!! No me ataques! I just find it interesting that someone, like Todo, who thinks Megumi is boring. Todo honestly thought he was boring since he first asked him what was his type and while Megumi gave us the best answer, Todo expected something more fun. But no, it was boring. Also, Megumi lives a simple life. Now, I’m not saying that Megumi is boring because as a matter of fact I like how simple he is. He likes to keep things neutral. Personally, on his activities he is considered “bland” and honestly, I can see why but I would still go out my way to enjoy it with him if I was his significant other lol I also feel like he has a good sense of style in fashion. I’m saying that judging from the official arts + “Lost In Paradise” because in that ED Megumi be looking like a bowl of fruits. A bowl of snacks lmao!

But, anyways! Megumi is also reserved to himself. He does not like talking about himself at all (hon hon does that sound like someone?). He doesn’t open up to a lot of people but I kinda feel like he does with Gojo but that’s just because Gojo raised him and he just knows when Megumi is feeling a certain way. Also, I bet Gojo just knows when Megumi is having a bad day too. We witnessed him just being in his own bubble in the current arc that is happened in the anime. Yuji and Nobara calls him out about him being so reserved to himself. He does eventually tells them what is going on, but it takes a lot for a Capricorn to open up and it’s totally understandable. I feel as if you want a Capricorn to open up, you have to let them give you time for them to get to know you. Give them your intentions and put in the effort to make them trust you.

Now in to the fun part!!

1. Trust:

Positive:

Articles 1: They will often understand each other well enough to respect their relationship and keep it clear of dishonesty

I’m a use this imagine again btw because this speaks their relationship clearly

I think what I truly love about their relationship and love the idea of them being an endgame is the trust that they have for one another(even though someone is gonna die). They barely knew each other for 2 months and their chemistry is off the mf charts.

The picture above isn’t just them having an eye opening moment but the fact that they trust each other to save one another.

Megumi had saved Yuji so many time

Yuji had also saved Megumi so many times

Tbh, when I was thinking about Megumi coming in to save Yuji from Yuuta and Naoya, I thought it would be the same as when Yuji saved Megumi and Maki from Hanami, but we got something better. We got to see Megumi never doubting Yuji and always making sure that he gives him as many chances as he gives. I hope that sparks a realization for Yuji because sometimes I always felt that he doesn’t really acknowledges Megumi doing a whole lotta things for Yuji. I’m still complaining about it because if he can say “thank you, best friend” to Todo or “thank you, Kugisaki, for letting me know that I am not alone” to Nobara, then he should definitely see how much Megumi gives a fuck about him.

I expect a “thank for being by my side and never doubting me” for Megumi.

Articles 2: Pisces, who prefers to hand off important decision-making to dominant Capricorn, feeds into the goat’s need to be in control. On the flip side, Capricorn trusts Pisces to attend to its emotional needs—something that can be very difficult to allow at first.

This is interesting because a lot of the time Megumi is always making the plans and the choices. I feel like Yuji tends to rely on Megumi a lot because Yuji respects the way Megumi thinks (I’m not saying he doesn’t do that with anyone either).

Another thing is that:

“Capricorn trust Pisces to attend to its emotional needs-something that can be very difficult to allow at first”

I want to use Yuji asking Yuuta to kill him if Sukuna comes out especially for Megumi’s sake as an example of “emotional needs” because we see that Yuji does not want to be anywhere near Megumi because of Sukuna. In Yuji’s emotional state, he would rather have Yuuta kill him than Megumi. A lot of people also have this head canon that the reason why he asked Yuuta to kill him instead of Megumi is because Megumi already has a lot on his plate or something. I forgot the theory lol

But... I have a feeling that Megumi is gonna end up killing Yuji at the end because it should be him...

But yes,

Let’s see where things end with the current event that is happening now.

But unfortunately, I have to stop right here because Tumblr only allows 10 images in one post. Tragic!

I do hope you guys enjoy and please comment if I’m missing anything with them! Let’s hope I won’t take long with part 2 because I’m hella busy at times! Overall, tell me what you guys think!

#jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen manga #jjk anime #jjk #jjk manga #itadori yuji #fushiguro megumi #anime #manga #soulmates #I love them #our babies #please I’m just rambling and I make no sense #itafushi #fushiita

[mercuryislove]

6 for Anwei, 10 for Yixing, and 30 for Ciaran and Sihla please 😊

once again I feel like I have said a whole lot of words with actually answering any of the questions at hand... please forgive me ._.

6. Do they like being reminded of home?

If by “home” you mean the past or like her childhood home then... only sometimes. Very rarely? It's complicated. Anwei pretends not to be sentimental about what life was like before, but deep down she still longs for that familiarity. She wasn't nearly as close to her mom as Ciaran was (and neither of them were close to their dad because he was um. largely absent), and looking back she still beats herself up about not cherishing the time with her they had. And sometimes in casual conversation, Ciaran will bring things up like “oh, this is just like the time when we were kids when Mom did xyz” or “Mom used to say things like that all the time” or “Mom would have loved this [completely mundane thing lol]” and some part of her gets like... resentful, maybe? She's jealous in a way that he doesn't feel the ache for the old times like he does. She's jealous that he remembers all those little details about their old life, while she only remembers stupid shit written in the margins of her college textbooks or some song on the internet that went viral when she was thirteen or the mnemonic devices she used to learn all the bones and muscles in the human body. She doesn't care about those parts. She wishes she could remember more important things. Like her mom's favorite color or the way their childhood home smelled after a summer vacation or the name of her favorite restaurant down the street. So like. to not answer the question at all, no lol. It mostly just makes her sad to think about home and how she can never go back again :(

--

10. Are they very sentimental, or perhaps just selectively?

Yixing has nothing to be sentimental about in his life. Well, he does have a few things, but he doesn't think so, and all of the things he would get sentimental about are tarnished by the abuse he's suffered at the hands of others. When he hears other people talk about their nostalgic feelings about childhood, he's just like “Hm. Can't relate. In fact, I wish I could erase every memory of my childhood from my brain!” Much like Anwei, he just gets fucking sad about shit instead of ever getting sentimental. Wait, would it be called sentimentality if you're like. mourning for the things in life you never got to have growing up? Like a well-adjusted family and fond memories of your youth? Because if that counts, then he absolutely is sentimental about everything ever. Sometimes he sees fathers with their young sons and sees how much they care for each other and has to like. hold back tears (or go sit on his horse for a minute lol) because that is what his life was supposed to be like. He was supposed to have someone who loved him and taught him right from wrong and protected him from the evils of the world and supported him and nurtured him and showed him how to be a good person, and... well. His father didn't do any of that. If anything he did the exact opposite. And sometimes Yixing gets really bitter about it because he didn't deserve that, and leaving when he did was the best thing he could have done, but still. He likes to imagine what it could have been like.

(Seriously though, the only things he ever truly thinks fondly of when looking back is how on nights when it was cool outside, he would sneak out of the house and go hang out with the horses in the barn and read by candlelight.)

--

30. How do they feel about the passage of time? Do they feel old too soon? Are they content to let days go past without recognition?

I've talked before about how the passage of time makes me personally feel insane and yes I do project all that onto my little fictional gay people because how else am I supposed to cope with the ever shifting sands of time?!

A long time ago, it didn't bother Ciaran. There was a glossy sheen to the realization of “oh fuck I'm going to live forever” and years and eventually decades passed, and it never bothered him to watch the first and second generations of survivors of the actual end of the world grow old in what felt like the blink of an eye to him. He was so distant from people back then anyway. Then the years continued to fly by and immortality had lost its shine, and he had the grim realization that he couldn't keep people at arm's length forever. They needed him and Anwei, whether he liked it or not! So he slooooowly started to warm up to the idea of letting people get close again, and eventually opened himself up to like. loving and caring for people (and letting people love him) in the short time they had to know him. (And as we know, that works out very well for him and everything is hunky-dory for a long time until he starts to care for people a little too much and then he meets a certain someone that really throws a fucking wrench in the works, and everything kind of goes downhill from there lmao) And if you go WAY back to when he like. mortal or whatever, he absolutely led a very yolo kind of life. Like. Oh fuck I will only be young and beautiful and relevant for so long so I might as well fuck up my body while my liver can still handle it!! And god he was insufferable for it. Some of that still comes through but he isn't (usually) as reckless/self-destructive about it.

MEANWHILE Sihla does not even consider time. She used to. She used to be anxious like Ciaran about how she would outlive everyone she ever loved, but then she met Anwei and was like “nevermind lol fuck everyone else I only need her,” which was, well... an interesting outlook on life. And when that ended horribly because [redacted], she got to enjoy the luxury of being trapped alone to die every day for a couple of centuries, and that's when she quit caring about, uh, anything really. (omg she did like spongebob and cleared her mind of everything except fine dining and breathing) Except maybe exacting revenge on the two people that put her there (gee I wonder who that could be). And before this all happened back when she was just a regular person, she was high strung and SCARED of the passage of time. The world as it was before wasn't particularly great, and there were always growing anxieties about the devastating effects of war and climate change and complete apathy from gods who were very real (and who could definitely put a stop to the suffering with the wave of a hand), and she was just an elementary school teacher trying to like. come to terms with the fact that many of her students could hardly afford food and clothing. And she and her wife had their own woes with trying to raise a young child in a world that could barely sustain them. Every day was a fucking struggle but it was also a gift, and she tried her hardest to make the important things count.

#oc talk #once again i am projecting all my ISSUES onto my fictional gay people #how else am i going to work through this shit? therapy??? no way. i'm broke

[beastars-takes]

Zootopia Takes: Darker’s Not Better

The Shock Collar Draft

So, it sounds like people are largely positive on me doing some Zootopia posts on this blog, and I wanted to talk about this tweet I saw the other day:

I’ll punt on explaining why Beastars isn’t “Dark Zootopia”--that’s a great topic for another post. But I would like to talk about why this popular yet stridently uninformed tweet is so, so wrong. Why the shock collar draft was not better, actually.

And obviously, I’m not writing several pages in reply to a single tweet--this is a take that’s been around since the movie came out, that the “original version was better.” It’s been wrong the whole time.

Let’s talk about why!

Part 1: “Because Disney”

Let’s start with this--the assumption that the film’s creators wanted to make this shock collar story and “Disney” told them to change it.

That’s not how it works.

I try to keep stuff about me out of these posts as much as possible, but just for a bit of background, I’ve worked in the animation industry for about half a decade. I know people at Disney. I have a reasonable idea of how things are there.

There is this misconception about creative industries that they’re constantly this pitched battle of wills between creative auteurs trying to make incredible art and ignorant corporate suits trying to repress them.

That can happen, especially in dysfunctional studios (and boy could I tell some stories) but Walt Disney Animation Studios is not dysfunctional. It’s one of the most autonomous and well-treated parts of the Disney Company.

The director of Zootopia, Byron Howard, isn’t an edgelord. He made Bolt and Tangled. He knows what his audience is, and he’s responsible enough not to spend a year (and millions of dollars in budget) developing a grimdark Don Bluth story that leadership would never approve. It wouldn’t just be a waste of time--he would be endangering the livelihoods of the hundreds of people working under him. Meanwhile, Disney Animation’s corporate leadership trusts their talent. They don’t generally interfere with story development because they don’t need to. Because they employ people like Byron Howard.

Howard and the other creative leads of Zootopia have said a dozen times, in interviews and documentaries, that they gave up on the shock collar idea because it wasn’t working. They’ve explained their reasoning in detail. Maybe they’re leaving out some of the story, but in general? I believe them.

But Beastars Takes, you say, maybe even if Disney didn’t force them to back away from this darker version, it still would have been better?

Part 2: Why Shock Collars Seem Good

I will say this--I completely sympathize with people who see these storyboards and scenes from earlier versions of the movie and think “this seems amazing.” It does! A lot of these drawings and shots are heartbreakingly good, in isolation.

I love these boards. They make me want to cry. I literally have this drawing framed on my wall. Believe me, I get it.

But the only reason we care this much about this alternative draft of Zootopia is that the Zootopia we got made us love this world and these characters. You know what actually made me cry?

Oh, yeah.

So let’s set aside the astonishing hubris of insisting Zootopia’s story team abandoned the “good” version of the story, when the “bad version” is the most critically-acclaimed Disney animated feature in the past SIXTY YEARS.

“But Beastars Takes!” I hear you say. “Critics are idiots and just because something’s popular doesn’t make it good!”

Fair enough. Let’s talk about why the real movie is better.

Part 3: The Message (it is, in fact, like a jungle sometimes)

This type of thing is always hard to discuss, in the main--a lot of people don’t want to feel criticized or “called out” by the entertainment they consume, and they don’t want to be asked to think about their moral responsibilities. But it’s hard to deny that Zootopia is a movie with a strong point of view. Everything else--the characters, the worldbuilding, the plot, grows out from the movie’s central statement about bias.

And the movie we got, with no shock collars, makes that statement far more effectively.

To dive into the full scope of Zootopia’s worldview and politics (warts and all) would be a whole post on its own, so I’ll just summarize the key point of relevance here:

Zootopia's moral message is that you, the viewer, need to confront your own biases. Not yell at someone else. No matter how much of a good or progressive person you consider yourself to be--if you want to stand against prejudice you have to start with yourself.

That’s a tough sell! For that message to land, we need to see ourselves in the protagonist.

Judy’s a good person! She argues with her dad about foxes. She knows predators aren’t all dangerous. She’s not speciesist. Right?

Ah fuck.

Let’s fast-forward to the pivotal scene of this movie. In an unfortunate but inevitable confluence of circumstances, Judy’s own biases and prejudiced assumptions come out, and she shits the bad.

Nick, who’s already bared his soul to her (against his better instincts), is heartbroken. But not as heartbroken as he is a minute later when he tries to confront her about what she’s said, and she makes this face:

Whaaaat? Come on, Nick. I’m a good person. Why are you giving me a hard time?

People like to complain about this scene. That it’s a hackneyed “misunderstanding” trope that could be easily resolved with a discussion. They’re wrong. Nick tries to have a discussion. She blows him off.

This isn’t Judy acting out of character, this is her character. Someone who identifies as Not A Racist, and hasn’t given the issue any more thought. This is not only completely believable characterization (who hasn’t seen someone react this way when you told them they hurt you?) it’s the film’s central thesis!

Yes, Nick somewhat provokes her into reaching for her “fox spray,” and her own trauma factors in there, but she’s already made her fatal mistake before that happens.

(As an aside, people also make the criticism that the movie unrealistically deflects responsibility for racism onto Bellwether and her plot. It doesn’t. All the key expressions of prejudice in the film--Judy’s encounter with Gideon, her parents’ warnings, the elephant in the ice cream shop, Judy’s early encounters with Bogo, Judy's views on race science--exist largely outside of Bellwether’s influence. She is a demagogue who inflames existing tensions, she didn’t invent them. Bogo literally says “the world has always been broken.”)

So, anyway. But we love Judy. She’s an angel. She also kinda sucks! She’s proudly unprejudiced, and when her own prejudice is pointed out to her she argues and doesn’t take it seriously. This is bad, but it’s also a very human reaction. It’s one most of us have probably been guilty of at one point or another.

Look at Zootopia’s society, too--it’s shiny and cosmopolitan, seemingly idyllic. Anyone can be anything, on paper. But scratch too deep beneath the surface and there’s a lot of pain and resentment here, things nobody respectable would say in public but come out behind closed doors, or among family, when nobody’s watching. It’s entirely recognizable--at least to me, someone who lives in a large liberal city in the United States. Like Byron Howard.

Wow, this place is a paradise!

Wait, what’s a “NIMBY”?

Part 4: Why Shock Collars Are Bad

So, with the film’s conceit established, let’s circle back to the shock collar idea. Like I said, it’s heartbreaking. It’s dramatic. It’s affective.

It also teaches us nothing.

If I see a movie where predator animals are subjected to 24/7 electroshock therapy, I don’t think “wow, this makes me want to think about how I could do better by the people around me.” I think “damn that shit’s crazy lmao. that’d be fucked up if that happened.” At a stretch, it reminds me of something like the Jim Crow era, or the Shoah. You know, stuff in the Past. Stuff we’ve all decided couldn’t ever happen again, so why worry about it?

The directors have said this exact thing, just politely. “It didn’t feel contemporary,” they say in pressers. That’s what it means.

If anything, the shock collar draft reifies the mindset that Zootopia is trying to reject--it shows us that discrimination is blatant, and dramatic, and flagrantly cruel, and impossible to miss.

And...that’s not true. If you only look for bias at its most malicious and evil, you’re going to miss the other 95 percent.

The messaging of this “darker version” is--ironically--less mature, less insightful, less intelligent. Less useful. Darker’s not better.

Part 5: Why Shock Collars Are Still Bad

So what if you don’t care about the message? What if you have no interest in self-reflection, or critical analysis (why are you reading this blog then lmao)? What if you just really want to hear a fun story about talking animals?

Well, this is trickier, because the remaining reasons are pretty subjective and emotional.

The creators have said that the shock collar version didn’t work because the viewers hated the cruel world they’d created. They agreed with Nick--the city was beyond saving. They didn’t want to save it.

The creators have said that Judy was hard to sympathize with, not being able to recognize the shock collars for the obvious cruelty they were.

Fuck you, Judy!

But we haven’t seen the draft copies. We haven’t watched the animatics. We have to take their word for it. Anyone who’s sufficiently invested in this story is going to say “well, I disagree with them.” It doesn’t matter to them that they haven’t seen the draft and the filmmakers have. The movie they’ve imagined is great and nobody is going to convince them otherwise.

But the fact remains that the shock collar movie, as written, did not work. And, if behind the scenes material is to be believed, it continued to not work after months and months of story doctoring.

There’s even been a webcomic made out of the dystopian version of Zootopia. It’s clever and creative and well-written and entertaining and...it kind of falls apart. The creator, after more than a little shit-talk directed at Disney, abandoned the story before reaching the conclusion, but even before then the seams were beginning to show. How do you take a society that’s okay with electrocuting cute animals and bring it to a point of cathartic redemption? You can’t, really. The story doesn’t work.

Does that mean people shouldn’t make fanworks out of the cut material? That they shouldn’t be inspired and excited by it? Hell no. This drawing is cute as hell. The ideas are compelling.

But I suppose what I’d ask of you all is--if you’re weighing the hot takes of art students on Twitter against the explanations of veteran filmmakers, consider that the latter group might actually know what they’re talking about.

See you next time!

#zootopia #zootropolis #zoomania #zootopia takes #judy hopps #nick wilde #disney #chief bogo #byron howard

[laufire]

Supernatural s3

It’s so unfair that the season that has Ruby AND Bela is so short :(((. I was done with it waaaay too quickly, and now I’m speed running through s4 xD (which, like the first time around, is Strong Mixed Feelings territory).

-My girl Ruby!!!! I was so happy to have her back, I kept grinning like a loon every time she was on screen. It’s quite interesting watching the 1.0 and 2.0 versions so close to each other, instead of as they air. I have... Thoughts, on whether Ruby as a double agent was something planned or that they decided as they went, but that’s for the s4 post. s3!Ruby really doesn’t come across as one (“I don’t believe in the devil” oh I wish sometimes xD, I love my nonbelievers), imo, but the beauty of such a device is that you can rationalize anything she does as devious if you want to xD

And it goes without saying that I love her interactions with Sam. THIS SHIP ISTG. I love how immediately ~attuned to her he is lol, his present and instinctive concern for her even if he tries to mask his interest as “practical”. And all the repeated times Sam’s conflicted between her and Dean -like when he deviates Dean shot (wasting one of the Colt’s bullets lmfao) or during the argument about the virgin sacrifice xD. And the “that’s my boy”/ “little fallen angel on your shoulder” quotes!!! Ruby 1.0 deserved to be railed by Sam too, smh.

My favourite episode of hers is “Jus in Bello” (which would be my fave of the season just by virtue of having both Bela and Ruby in the same episode lol. Not interacting, of course, the world as we know it wouldn’t have survived). I just love that she gets that final moment of I TOLD YOU SO to the brothers xD. I really like how she expands on the demonic lore of the show- I love, LOVE the detail about how all demons used to be humans, how they’re souls corrupted in hell. And that in her past life she was a witch (there was this really good fic in Spanish fandom about it... I need to hunt it down).

BTW, though I think her interactions with Dean in that episode are interesting, it really hammers home how much I hate him sometimes xD. Can you stop saying misogynistic slurs for TWO GODDAMN MINUTES, DEAN (and as we know from as early as this season, only HE can have demon/monster friends!! What a fucking hypocrite xD). I freaking love the moment in the finale when she viciously yells him about how she wishes she could see him in hell lmao (and how it foreshadows that when she shows sympathy later, it’s actually Lilith in disguise lmfao). I hate Dean gets the last word in their dynamic, tbqh. Until the s15 cameo, at least xDD

One thing that’s been bothering me xD: the French fries. Demons are vulnerable to salt, like other spirits, right? (and hey, look what a nice piece of foreshadowing that was). How does that translate to food lol. Because Ruby adores French fries, and they obviously contain salt. It’s like spicy food for humans? Or like pineapple? Inquiring minds etc. xD

-I still cannot believe Bela Talbot was only on the show for six episodes lmao. Her presence still lingers in the watchers’ heads so much?? Which is understandable because she’s Lead Girl Material if there was ever any lol. The care with which they styled her even?? You don’t do that for just any character lmao (I mean, just look at most of SPN’s female characters for comparison xD).

Her ship with Dean could’ve really been something, too -even if I hate Dean in it, I can’t deny it packs a punch, narrative-wise. I mean, the Batcat undertones alone!! The fake married undercover shenanigans!! And I think it’s really interesting that she’s such a blind spot for him; Dean’s unusually intuitive about people, but with Bela he takes everything at face value and she can fool him like no other (while, OTOH, is Sam who questions her facade and wants to see more). If he hadn’t been such an idiot (and such an asshole) he could’ve had a really powerful ship. Sucks to be him lol.

Anyway. Man, I love her. So much. I love how Gordon’s threats to kill her don’t work on her, and I love that the show basically said “Bela killing her abusive parents is good, actually” (I’m so tired of forgiveness narratives, you guys. This entire show is founded on revenge, so let me get my revenge fantasies in peace!!) xDD. And I love, LOVE that she withheld that truth from Dean, that she decided he wasn’t worth it. OTOH, you know, fuck the fans that got her written out, definitely; but on the other, I do love how her story ended (and that it was a clear "fuck you" to shitty fans). Doesn’t stop me for wanting to read and re-read (and maybe write!) even more “Bela escapes hell” fix-its, but still.

Also, very important question: what happened to her cat?? It’s the cat alright?? I’m going to headcanon that she left them with that cougar friend of hers lol.

-So. THE DEAL. Okay. Oof. I love this storyline, a lot. A loooot. I love the conflict it creates between the brothers (as long as there’s still conflict and Sam hasn’t yet started taking everything lying down I can enjoy that part of their narrative lol). I love Dean’s initial forced giddiness about “making the most out of his last year” and I love the moment Dean decides he does want to try to live because it makes the last few episodes all the most desperate and cruel (and hey, I’ve heard he only went to hell because the season was cut short due to a writers’ strike... if that’s true that’s so funny lmao).

My absolutely favourite part however? That you can FEEL Dean’s unvoiced resentment towards Sam. For Dean having to die for him, even if Sam never asked him to. He lashes out to Sam repeatedly through the season, but it really came to ahead in the dreamspace episode, where Dean confronts another version of himself that talks about how Sam was “dotted on” (the revisionism asldfkaf). This show is absolutely ruthless when it comes to showing you its characters’ ugly, unfair reactions to things and it’s my favourite thing evah.

Speaking of the dreamspace episode, OMFG. I loved both brothers there. Dean’s hallucination, seeing himself as a demon? And how he let out his anger about John?? Beautiful, truly (regarding John, I also loved their different reactions when it looked like his spirit had contacted them: Dean jumping on it and Sam detached skepticism). But my favourite part has to be when Sam uses the villain’s abusive father against him. Like. Damn. That was cold-blooded o.0

The second-to-last episode, when Sam tracked down that Frankenstein doctor to try and make Dean immortal was ABSOLUTELY HORRIFYING OMG. I loved that. I love that Sam wanted to use it for both them. It was some scary shit. I also love the scene where the crossroads demon questions whether Sam really wants to break the deal, I’m gathering it’s going to be nice foreshadowing later on in the show lol.

Anyway. I also found Dean’s death scene more impactful than Sam’s. Partially because of the horror of it, but mostly because I think at this type of scenes, Padalecki is better. Sam’s grief felt more real, Dean’s got me out of the scene (it’s the voice, I think. Sometimes Ackles’ voice takes me out of scenes, it sounds... forced).

I also really enjoyed how the time loop episode wrapped around this subplot. It managed to be both heartbreaking and mind-numbly hilarious lmfao. Like?? All the deaths?? Were so pathetic?? I tip my hat to Ackles because I don’t think most actors could carry plots like this half as well lmfao.

Sidenote, it’s always a trip to see The Trickster God knowing that fucker is Gabriel. Archangel “hey Mary do you accept God knocking you up” Gabriel. Which I guess isn’t exactly a thing in this show?? Since according to the wikia SPN Jesus was “just a man” (and let me tell you, I’m tickled pink by the fact that out of ALL mythological figures, specifically all CHRISTIAN mythological figures, the show decided to go “nah” on Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess he’d take away from Dean’s, Sam’s and Castiel’s resurrection narratives, but still. It’s so funny!!).

-Gordon Walker remains a superbly acted and fascinating character with extra racist nonsense alsdkfjasdf. But I can’t deny I loved seeing him as a vampire. He was terrifying. And I’m definitely shipping him with Kubrick, ouch xD

-The Ghostfacers episode is... something. As in, incredibly exploitative and homophobic and with an egregious case of BYG (and the first where I’d say it’s incontestable to claim the trope was used. s1 and s2 are muddy territory given the circumstances, IMO, but this one is 300% BYG), but so successfully manipulative my heart hurt for Corbett and Corbett x Ed still. Fuck them for that ngl. I do still enjoy how anti-Winchesters they all are though xD

-3x01 introduces the one nice marriage of hunters so far, between a black couple. The man dies in a gross, horrifying way within the episode ofc (because he was Mean to the the brothers duh). She makes it out alive, and since she doesn’t reappear in the show she gets to live. So for now black women have a sliiiiiightly better track record in SPN than track guys there: they get to appear in a few more episodes and be more fleshed out (Victor, Gordon), but as long as they’re only in one episode they get to live!! (Cassie, Tamara).

-Rufus and Bobby are exes, right? Right?? Probably still married in some state? You know that post about how when gay marriage was legalized across the USA there were a lot of issues because some couples had split and never bothered to divorce, since it was only legal in one place? That post was made for them. Pity Rufus is a black man, and as such has a limited number of allowed appearances before he’s killed off ¬¬

-I would’ve enjoyed Dean’s moments with Lisa and Ben more (it’s just so RIGHT that in this moment he’d want Ben to be his) if my knowledge of future spoilers didn’t perpetually have me in a state of “pls keep this guy away from kids” lol.

-They had Harmony’s actress (BTVS) and they made her a vampire!! The show’s hard on for the Buffyverse is a bit of a hit and miss but I can’t say I don’t relate xDD.

-I know Jensen Ackles can sing (in fact thanks to youtube I know a few of the actors can... is there a musical episode. Does this show have its own OMWF. I need to know). So why. WHY. Does he sound like that during “Dead or Alive”??? I actually like the scene but he sounds so off-key lmao.

-BTW, I found out that apparently Katie Cassidy and Lauren Cohan originally auditioned for each other’s roles añslkdfjasf. I can’t picture it. Ruby 1.0 is Ruby 1.0 and Bela is Bela xD. Although I’ve seen each playing roles that could meld with the other, just. Nope. Good choice on the casting there lol.

#talking to the void #my thoughts #spn thoughts #supernatural #spnruby #samruby #bela talbot #deanbela #deanruby #sam winchester #dean winchester #gordon walker #ruby 1.0 #spn gabriel #ghostfacers #alan corbett #bobby x rufus #spn s3 #the winchesters get to have a tag I GUESS

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 257: New Year’s Party and All Might Feels

Previously on BnHA: The kids ate some yummy cotton candy and got to demolish a bunch of robots in flashy and expensive ways, because U.A. is every child’s dream school and All Might is getting closer to finally achieving his goal of being The Cool, Fun Teacher. There was also some cute Kirimina and Izuocha stuff, and also some panels of All Might watching Deku with a wistful dad smile which was both heartwarming and also makes me slightly terrified for his chances of surviving to the end of this series, but what else is new. Anyway so after class we cut to Aizawa and Mic who were all “we’re still sad fyi” until the Big Three interrupted them to get Aizawa to come help with Eri’s quirk. Meanwhile, All Might sat down with Deku and Kacchan and gave Deku a notebook all about THE PAST SUCCESSORS AND THE SIXQUIRKS. And we’d better be covering that pronto in this chapter because holy shit I had to wait two weeks after that cliffhanger and that was not fucking fair.

Today on BnHA: Kacchan and Deku read about the one quirk user WE ALREADY FUCKING KNEW ABOUT before they get bored and decide that WE DON’T NEED TO HEAR ANY MORE ABOUT ANY OF THOSE OTHER LAME QUIRKS APPARENTLY. In an effort to console me, All Might reveals that Shimura Nana’s quirk was THE POWER OF FUCKING FLYING YEAH BITCHES, which does admittedly warm my heart. Also Deku and Kacchan have an entire page of going back and forth at each other like the squabbling siblings they are and that helps too. Also we then cut to all of the 1-A kids having a New Year’s party, and yeah, Horikoshi admittedly knows how to play me like a goddamn fiddle I guess. The chapter then takes a sudden swerve for the nostalgic, with Deku and pals reminiscing about how much they’ve grown and how lucky they are, before we cut to All Might who’s sitting on a bench having Winter Night Angst until he’s comforted by Aizawa of all people, because this chapter is actually fucking great. And then we cut to THREE FUCKING MONTHS LATER LMAOOOO [blows noisemaker] SHIGARACALYPSE 2020 COMING ATCHA KIDS. WOOP WOOP.

okay so I have been persuaded to try out the fan scanlation this week! for several reasons: (1) the new scanlators have had a few weeks now to improve their game and I’m curious to see what the quality is like, (2) there are already spoilers all over my dashboard lol and I’m tired of trying to dodge them, and finally (3) I have nothing else to do this afternoon and I wanna read it. SO IMMA READ IT. BRING ON THE SIXQUIRKS OF DEKU THE NINTH

-- GOD DAMMIT ALL MIGHT

I assume that those are the two shadowy ones, then? Bakushadow and PonytailShadow? goddammit. meanwhile even if we didn’t have that whole mystery, the second user would still be the one I’m most curious about, because (s)he was the first one to actually get OFA handed down to them, and to say that I’m curious about how exactly that went down would be putting it mildly. like how the hell did Lil Bro figure out that he could pass his fucking quirk down to people. and what exactly was the trial and error process involved, if any. was he just like. “dude, come here, I want to try something okay? this is gonna sound really fucking weird but hear me out... I want you to eat my hair” 

sob, honestly a time-traveling Bakugou who already knows how The Whole Deal Works might honestly be the least bizarre explanation. I have so many questions ughh

btw I do also want to call attention to the fact that this chapter is titled “make it your own”, a.k.a. the mantra that Kacchan has been trying to get Deku to adopt since the provisional license exam. so this I do like. that is very promising

hmmMMMMMMMM

motherfuckin time travel is starting to sound more and more likely you guys. oh my god. but how?? someone’s quirk?? or maybe they can just get Mei to build them a machine. fuck it, she’s already upgraded Deku’s costume ten thousand times with random crap, what’s one more. you read it here first, Deku’s next upgrade will be gloves that carry him back and forth in time

lmao Katsuki

on the one hand that is very rude, but on the other hand I too would like him to get to talking about the ones whose quirks he actually did learn about. so yeah. [taps watch] we gonna do this All Might, or

lmao Deku’s asking about Blackwhip and meanwhile Katsuki’s just PICKING UP THE NOTEBOOK, WITHOUT EVEN ASKING, YOINK

(ETA: Kacchan with a normal face is such a rare Charizard of a panel that I just have to stop for a moment to appreciate it. take a good look everyone, we probably won’t get this again for another 50 chapters.)

fucking thank you Kacchan. holy shit. I mean All Might worked hard on it, might as well make use of it. and never mind the explicit “FOR YOUNG MIDORIYA” plastered on the cover I guess lol

also!! BALDY FINALLY GOT HIMSELF A NAME OMGGGGG. “LARIAT.” we’ll see how Caleb translates that tomorrow, I guess. I have no idea what it means but I’m excited!!! yay naaaames

OH THAT’S JUST HIS ALIAS HE’S GOT A REAL NAME TOO OH SNAP

(ETA: also there’s the expected “go” since he’s #5. so that’s apparently still a thing, meaning the mystery behind nos. 2 and 3 is still as perplexing as ever. maybe a bit of a stretch, but does anyone suppose that the “己” at the end of Katsuki’s given name could be interpreted as kind of looking like the Arabic numeral for two? eh? eh??)

seems to be causing a whole lot of collateral damage, but hey, price you pay for being a badass

oh my god my sons are bickering

(ETA: but lmao though at Katsuki being all “YOU THINK EVERY FUCKING QUIRK IS AMAZING” because sob it’s true.)

Katsuki please. first of all WHY WOULD YOU ONLY GO INTO DETAIL ABOUT THE ONE FUCKING QUIRK WE ALREADY KNEW, and two, I kinda need at least one of those quirks to be at least a little bit badass, because fucking shit you guys, uhhhh. [gestures frantically to the last page of chapter 255]  nyghhnghh. and also!! [gestures to the last two pages of chapter 245] ...

hmm so All Might says that Kacchan is right, and that it makes sense that most of the quirks would be weak ones because AFO made it his business to stomp out any strong quirk users on account of the whole “he’s fucking evil” thing and all of that world domination biz

look how evil

oh wow

goddamn that’s one hell of an image. all these fallen heroes desperately trying to make sure that their power, the world’s only hope, doesn’t die out with them

so then from the way All Might makes it sound, it seems like some of the successors maybe weren’t carefully selected at all, but instead they were just the ones who happened to be in the right (wrong??) place at the right time. maybe some of them were fellow soldiers in the war against AFO, and when their comrades fell they were there to pick up the gauntlet. that actually makes a hell of a lot of sense

and also the way they seem to be passing on the quirk appears to be the blood-on-blood method rather than the hair-eating method, so that also potentially addresses my snarky rambling earlier in this very recap lol. Lil Bro may not have meant to pass it on at all; he might have just been gripping some spiky-haired passerby’s hand while mortally wounded, and knowing that his time was up, and hoping against hope that this MYSTERIOUS KACCHAN-LOOKING STRANGER would somehow be able to take up the fight and continue what he started. and then lo and behold

-- motherFUCKER HE REALLY JUST PUT IT BACK DOWN ON THE TABLE LIKE

SO, I GUESS WE JUST DON’T CARE ABOUT ANY OF THE OTHER QUIRKS THEN! WELL FINE. let’s just never talk about anything I’m dying to know about again ever!!

“seems they’ve all died young” WELL ISN’T THAT JUST FINE AND FUCKING DANDY. what a wonderful legacy All Might has bequeathed unto our sprightly green protagonist. what a barrel of laughs this has turned out to be

sob my son literally doesn’t know how to take his foot off the gas

but I guess it’s not necessarily a bad thing to have someone there who only relentlessly knows how to go forward, forward, forward

SDFLKSHDOGIHSOGISHLGKSDLFJ

EXCUSE ME, MCFUCKING WHAT DID YOU SAY?! SO YOU’RE TELLING ME MY BEST GIRL COULD FUCKING FLY, IS THAT IT?? AM I READING THIS RIGHT?? WAIT -- HOW DO YOU BREATHE, AGAIN?? OH MY GOD. OH MY GOD, I

LOL WHAT THE FUCK

(ETA: I left the edges of his speech bubble in while cropping this so everyone can appreciate just how spiky it is.)

me too kid!! you were playing quirk bingo, right? it was only a matter of time before someone came along with flying powers and we all knew it. I’ve been saying it and saying it, Deku was born to touch the sky

lulz he’s screaming at Deku that he can already fly with his explosions, so now while Deku works on mastering his own flying quirk, Katsuki will pull ahead of him SO THAT MAKES HIM THE WINNER I GUESS. lol honestly this speech is one of the nerdiest things he’s ever done and I almost wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d ended it with “OWNED!!!” watch him look around for a mic to drop

oh my god

this isn’t even rival energy, this is sibling energy. like, this one panel is some of the rawest fucking sibling energy I’ve ever seen. the relentless shittalking, the competition over absolutely nothing, the ridiculous faces... just, wow

anyway so I have a ton of thoughts about Katsuki’s current feelings toward Deku ever since the Endeavor and Natsuo “you don’t have to forgive me” thing, but the short version is that I think Katsuki lately has actually been really worried about upsetting the status quo with Deku, and, well... “losing” Deku, so to speak. I think during the internship he finally clued in to the fact that he actually had been a real certified jerkweiner to Deku, but more importantly he woke up to the realization that he doesn’t know for sure if Deku actually has forgiven him. like, he’s been going around thinking that it’s in the past, that it doesn’t matter, and then along come the Todorokis with all their drama, and he sees that and he realizes oh shit, sometimes people secretly have tons of resentment that’s just burning away at them underneath and shit!

and so the thought is kind of eating at him now that Deku might not have actually forgiven him, and he’s actually really scared of that, and so he’s reacting in two different ways: one, by being irrationally annoyed/angry with Deku for having that power over him (the power to either forgive him or not), even though that’s his own fault; and two, by trying in his own way to aggressively push things toward being the way they were back when they were little kids before their whole falling out. which, in his mind, means them being rivals. like, in the second character book, there’s a section that’s all about the characters’ relationships with each other, and in for Deku it says he views his and Kacchan’s relationship as “childhood friends”, but from Katsuki’s perspective, their relationship is listed as “childhood rivals.” so yeah

anyway so I guess I lied about this being “the short version” (I’m gonna have to essay about this more in a separate post I think), but basically I think that in Katsuki’s mind this kind of juvenile making-faces-and-egging-each-other-on thing is how he interprets their friendship, and he’s very awkwardly trying to get back to that

anyway! I got hella sidetracked there so let’s get back to the plot shall we. there’s a sweet panel of All Might smiling at the two of them because I think he also sees that this scene is somehow heartwarming in its own bizarre way lol

and then WE’RE CUTTING BACK TO THE DORMS YESSSSSS

(ETA: stray thought -- it’s an absolute fucking delight to see all of the male characters cooking for once while the girls, as far as I can see, are just sitting around chilling in the living area. like I’m sure they are helping as well, but you have no idea how fucking refreshing it is to not have the girl characters be all “WE’LL COOK FOR YOU BOYS SINCE YOU’RE SO HOPELESS AND/OR YOU’RE WORKING SO HARD TEEHEE.” holy shit. it’s great.)

to answer your question, Sero, they’ve been having secret powwows with All Might and discussing things like how Kacchan is objectively better than Deku it’s science, and how to make Deku fly. what have you all been doing

OH I SEE YOU ARE HAVING DINNER

is that Tokoyami running like a Hanna-Barbera character in the background. every time I think I have a handle on his character Horikoshi has a new twist ready to keep me on my toes. also lol at Kirishima remembering how Kacchan did jackall to help during the Christmas party, and making sure he does his part this time IF HE WANTS TO EAT

(ETA: lol so after rereading this that’s clearly Deku in the background. I still think it looks more like Tokoyami though! but obviously the two of them are the only ones still in their uniforms, so.)

OH BOY OH BOY NOW THIS CHAPTER IS CRACKIN’

TODOROKI SHOUTO!! YOU HAVE BROUGHT SHAME UNTO YOUR FAMILY! lmao he’s so quick to answer “IT WAS ME I DID IT” with his two fucking exclamation points too lol. I don’t know why that’s so amusing to me but it is and I love it

meanwhile Horikoshi got a little too playful when drawing that Momochako page there huh. drew the back of her head but was then like “BUT THEN YOU CAN’T SEE HER ADORABLE SMILE” but he couldn’t be assed to redraw it so he improvised. IT’S CALLED ART

ahhhhhhh class B is joining them yesssss!! and Kodai’s bringing a couch oh my god such an excellent and practical application of her Ant-Man quirk to make sure everyone has someplace to sit these children are so cooperative and wise

YAY WHOLESOME NEW YEAR’S PARTY ANTICS

KATSUKI HAS UPGRADED FROM SANTA GRUMP TO SITTING NICELY WITH HIS SQUAD!! SHOUJI IS WEARING ANOTHER OF HIS LEGENDARY PONCHOS!! TSUYU JUST SAVED MINA’S LIFE!! KOUDA BROUGHT HIS BUNNY BECAUSE BUNNY DESERVES TO PARTY TOO!! AND AOYAMA IS PROBABLY WEARING A ROBE, BUT I CHOOSE TO BELIEVE THAT IT’S A DRESS AND YOU CAN’T STOP ME!! NEW YEAR NEW HIM YES CHEERS

oh my god they’re starting to reminisce, no my emotions were not ready for this please chill out kids

look at them talking like they’re all grown up now

you do realize you all are still just babies right. “it was a crazy ride... back then we were so young...” is that Joe Cocker’s version of With a Little Help from My Friends I hear playing in the background. why has the film quality gone all grainy. what is this what’s happening

THANK YOU IIDA

as expected from the resident 40-year-old. please tell these children to get a grip. they’re out here talking about which Roth IRAs they’re going to get and how much their lower backs hurt

also, this scanlation hasn’t been too bad so far, but I feel like knowing it’s “Iida” and not “Lida” is like the bare minimum of translating a chapter of BnHA. like at least get the names right. but anyway I cropped that part of the panel out regardless because Mineta’s face was ruining the atmosphere so it’s all good

oh no. oh shit wait. what’s going on here

do not tell me this is one of those “calm before the storm/AND THAT WAS THE LAST TIME EVERYONE WAS ALL TOGETHER AND HAPPY EVER AGAIN” things. please no. please tell me I’m overreacting and grossly misinterpreting the general vibe here. fuck

also though, you see that bit in the Kacchan panel though lol. so yeah their relationship is just like that. it’s weird but they like it

jesus christ now Deku is sitting there saying “I’m very fortunate” with this face like he’s just DARING fate to come on over and punch him in the balls. DEKU!!

no!!!! [swipes at the air in an attempt to ward off the oncoming plot] go away! shoo!

and interestingly, Tokoyami is watching him!

do you want in on this plot too buddy. is that it. well your mentor has gotten himself all wound up in this spider’s web by this point, so why not. if we’re gonna have angst I guess the more the merrier

LMAO NEVER MIND, THE VERY NEXT PANEL HE’S ASKING DEKU TO PASS THE FUCKING PONZU AGAIN. DEKU COULD YOU FUCKING SNAP TO IT ALREADY HOW MANY GODDAMN TIMES DOES HE HAVE TO ASK

NOW ALL MIGHT IS SITTING ALONE ON A BENCH OUTSIDE THE TEACHER’S DORMS AND AIZAWA IS THERE SUDDENLY

is he going to talk to him about Eri. or the whole Noumu thing. ahhhhhhh

someone please tell All Might he needs to stop acting like he’s about to die. holy shit. this is reaching unacceptable levels. the fond smile while watching Deku’s progress. another fond smile while seeing him and Bakugou going back and forth, perhaps feeling reassured that someone else will be there to look out for Deku once he’s gone. giving Deku a notebook with everything he knows about OFA. and now SITTING ON A BENCH ALONE IN THE DARK IN THE MIDDLE OF WINTER WITH HIS HANDS FOLDED IN HIS LAP JUST THINKING THOUGHTS!! AND AIZAWA’S ALL “WHAT ARE YOU DOING” AND HE’S ALL “NOTHING... JUST...” HOLY FUCKING SHIT ALL MIGHT COULD YOU PLEASE NOT

but anyways so what’s this you say about training Eri now

fffFFFFFS HE’S DOING IT AGAIN

he doesn’t know if he’ll be here come springtime, that’s what’s up. the clock is ticking on Nighteye’s prophecy, and even though he swore he’d live and punch fate in the mouth, you never know though and shit but this is depressing. anyway if my guess is right he may be about to share the secret of OFA with Aizawa though, because that’s what I’d do if I thought I was possibly gonna die and my student might need someone to continue mentoring him once I was gone. so, you know, still a bummer but also YES ALL MIGHT DO ITTTTT

oh nope nevermind he’s just rambling and Aizawa doesn’t have a clue wtf he’s on about

fffff this is some prime grade A All Might angst right here, the gods have blessed us after so long oh snap oh dang

so then maybe he doesn’t think he’s dying lol. well whatever. I think it’s probably a little of column A, a little of column B, that sort of thing but hey

yo you guys, Aizawa bonding with All Might is just. [chef’s kiss] it’s been so long. I don’t think we’ve had a long scene between them since the parent teacher meetings oh my god. Aizawa definitely respects him so much more now and it’s great

totally off subject btw, but the third light novel has a chapter where the teachers all meet up at a local bar and get trashed and talk about all kinds of crap, and Aizawa drunkenly tells All Might he respects the hell out of him, and it’s an absolute delight and everyone should read it. here’s the link to the Viz edition. it’s easily the best of the light novels (though I haven’t read the fourth one which is coming out in March), and an enjoyable read from start to finish. anyways thus ends my unsponsored plug, now back to our regularly scheduled programming

yep. safe to say the days when he thought All Might was an attention-loving media whore are long gone. fuck I love this

oh my god oh my fucking god

wow. just. ...shit. this is a message that I think everyone should hear, first of all, and this is easily one of the most gorgeous and profound panels this manga has ever had. like holy shit I almost cried

and second of all, tell me something, how is Aizawa the most comforting, gentle, supportive, encouraging man in the universe, and how did we get so lucky, and can you believe this man wasn’t even planning to become a teacher holy shit. we can’t afford to lose him, ever

OH FUCK ALL MIGHT, I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU START CRYING HERE --

let me tell you I did not need that flashback panel of Nighteye TODAY OF ALL DAYS, HOLY SHIT. THE HELL KIND OF TIMING IS THAT. HE KNEW WHAT EPISODE WAS AIRING THIS WEEKEND, HE DOES SKETCHES FOR THEM EVERY WEEK, THIS WAS FULLY INTENTIONAL AND I FEEL AGGRIEVED

my god All Might is pinching the corners of his eyes and apologizing I can’t. STOP OFFLOADING ALL OF THESE ALL MIGHT FEELS ON ME. even now, after everything he’s given, he still feels like it’s not enough. it’s in his nature to feel restless, to want to do more. he’s earned the right to rest -- earned it more than anyone in the world -- but he can’t, and he feels guilty and helpless because the burden he shouldered for so long has been passed on to everyone else now, and he knows how heavy it is, and he was so willing to carry it even if it destroyed him, but he can’t anymore! and then to have someone come along and say “it’s okay, you’ve done enough, you’re doing enough, you are enough,” just. shit shit shit shit shit. I can hear Horikoshi’s truck beeping as it backs up to dump YET MORE FEELS all over my goddamn house. there are feels being tossed out of an airplane door overhead with little parachutes. fucking paperboys are riding by on their bicycles and whipping them at my face screaming “EXTRA! EXTRA!” fucking...

-- HOLY SHIT!?!?

well my jaw just dropped. um. [peeks at calendar] do you mean to tell me that we’re just CUTTING STRAIGHT TO THE PARTY NOW, JUST LIKE THAT

WELL FUCK, LMAO. BEEN NICE KNOWING Y’ALL

sDFLKSHGLKH

Horikoshi: [poking his head in the door] hey what’s up guys just thought I’d toss in this panel of Ujiko here to remind you all that Spring is when --

everyone: JESUS CHRIST WE KNOW

-- WHAT THE FUCK

WHAT THE FUCKKKKKK LOL, WHAT

well I guess it’s nice to know that those feelings of impending doom were apparently RIGHT ON THE MONEY sob. NOTHING TO SEE HERE, JUST THE END OF ALL HEROES!! JUST UJIKO ROAMING THE HALLS OF HIS LOCAL HOSPITAL BEING ALL “HO HO” BECAUSE HE’S FINISHED HIS WINTER PROJECT OF TURNING TOMURA INTO ONE OF THE FOUR HORSEMEN AND HE’S FEELING REALLY FUCKING GREAT ABOUT LIFE. JUST THE MANGA JUMPING AHEAD THREE FUCKING MONTHS JUST LIKE THAT, AND DROPPING US BACK IN BARELY A WEEK BEFORE THE START OF THE KIDS’ SECOND YEAR, A.K.A. “YEAR OF THE SHINSOU”, A.K.A. “YEAR THAT KACCHAN FINALLY REVEALS HIS HERO NAME BECAUSE HOLY SHIT SON YOU REALLY FUCKING SAT ON THAT FOR THREE MORE FUCKING MONTHS!?”, A.K.A. “THE YEAR ALL MIGHT BETTER NOT FUCKING DIE”, AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST, A.K.A. “[GESTURES FRANTICALLY TO CHAPTER 245 AGAIN]”

lol. here I was hoping we had at least a little more time before the whole “we’re fucked” thing kicked in, but I guess the apocalypse waits for no one. gentlemen it has been a privilege playing with you tonight

#bnha 257 #midoriya izuku #bakugou katsuki #all might #aizawa shouta #bnha #boku no hero academia #bnha spoilers #mha spoilers #makeste reads bnha #what would you do if I sang out of tune #would you stand up and walk out on me #lend me your ears and I'll sing you a song #I will try not to sing out of key #OH BABY #I get by (AH WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS!) #[montage of tomura destroying stuff] #all I need is my buddies (AH WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS) #[montage of all the heroes dying] #I say I'm gonna get high (AH WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY FRIENDS) #[montage of 11 noumus attacking while deku flies around trying to fight them all with his five other boring quirks] #oh yeah (OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHH)

[sybright]

Grizabella being Munk and Tugger’s sister au

I’ve had this idea brewing in my head for a while and I’ve finally gotten the motivation to write it out. Fair warning, this whole thing is a COMPLETE mess, I have no idea where I was going with this, it got a longer than I thought it would, um, read at your own risk?

I think the “Griz is Munk and Tugger’s mom” headcanon is a neat idea, but it never vibed with me personally. For my “main” universe I see Griz as being unrelated to any of the Jellicles. However, for productions where Griz has a younger appearance (which can apply to both the pre-revival Griz design and the post-revival one), I really like the idea that she’s Old Deut’s daughter and siblings with Munk and Tugger. 

Headcanons:

-She’s the eldest (of the trio at least, Old Deut has obviously had countless children in past lives, but Griz, Munk, and Tugger are his only children in this life), Munk is the middle child, and Tugger is the youngest.

-She was expected to become the next Jellicle leader. I have the feeling that the current life Old Deut is living is his last, and he feels confident in passing the role of Jellicle leader to his first born child in this current life. 

-For a long time, becoming the Jellicle leader was a feeling of pride for Griz, for most of her youth she was excited to take on this role. She was confident, mature, caring, and deeply respected by the tribe, especially by her younger brothers. Simultaneously, she was laid-back, fun loving, and well, glamorous. This only earned her more respect from the tribe, she knew when to have fun, and she knew when to be serious. This is where she got her reputation as “the glamour cat.”

-During her late-teens to early adulthood is when she reached the height of her days as “the glamour cat.” It was around this time that she begun her Protector training, which was sort of like a prerequisite to her Jellicle leader training that would come later on.  

-When Griz started her Protector training, she began to rethink her life goals. She was young, just a little while out of kittenhood, and she reveled in the freedom she had prior to her training. Griz had big dreams, she wanted to see the world, and suddenly she felt constrained by her obligation to stay with the tribe and complete her training. Her life felt caged, like it was all laid-out for her, she was having second thoughts about the whole “leader” thing.

-Griz was too scared to confide her doubts to anyone because she didn’t want to disappoint them or let anyone down. So she continued her Protector training, pretending like everything was fine. 

-Over time, the pent up emotions in her led Griz to start resenting the tribe, she never said anything, but she grew more frustrated with them as each new day passed. The tribe started to see a change in Griz’s attitude, she became more cold and distant.

-This culminated in an argument Griz got into with Munk the day before her Jellicle leader training was going to begin (Munk is a teen at this time btw). Basically, Munk was asking what was going on with her lately, and why she had changed so much during her training. He had asked out of worry and concern, he wanted to help her. Griz snapped at him and a huge argument ensued. A lot of feelings were hurt that day, Munk didn’t know if he even knew his sister anymore, Tugger (who’s around preteen age at this time) overheard some of the arguing, and felt equally hurt by their exchange.  

-The next day, the day she was supposed to start her Jellicle leader training, Griz was gone. She left without telling anyone or saying goodbye. She left to see the world and pursue fame, she walked out on them. This was a massive blow to the tribe, everyone was beaten down by it, Munk and Tugger especially so.  They had looked up to Griz, and admired her for a long time, and this event, what felt like a betrayal, was awful for the two of them. Old Deuteronomy was more worried about Griz than anything.  

-Years passed, Munk took up the mantle of becoming the next Jellicle leader, he started his Protector training and was determined to pickup where Griz left off. Meanwhile, Tugger took on a very care-free and rebellious attitude. 

-Jemima shows up around this time, and it isn’t realized now, but after the events of the musical it’s decided that Jemima suits the role of Jellicle leader much better than Munk. Munk, while responsible, takes on far too much stress from the job, so he remains a Protector and storyteller.

-Everything started out great for Griz, she was free from her responsibilities and nothing could hold her back now.  After a few years, however, it started to fall apart. She fell on hard times and wound up on the street, completely alone. She had too much pride, too much shame, to return to the tribe just yet, so she remained on the streets for a while. 

-The events of the musical happen. Griz shows up after she finally gets over herself, it’s been roughly ten years since she left. Everyone’s on edge, the only one who had seen Griz prior to her return is Demeter, who encountered Griz on the streets many times in the past, and it’s only her, the kittens, and Old Deut who show her any empathy. 

-After the final Memory, Griz is forgiven and welcomed back to the tribe. I haven’t fully decided yet whether Griz should be reborn or stay with the tribe. I’m leaning towards staying with the tribe, because it’s a neat idea that I want to play around with. Griz mending her relationships with the other tribe members and her direct family would take a lot of time, and her getting back into the swing of her old life is an interesting concept, there’s just so much good material in that setup that I want to explore, I’m just trying to decide whether I want to differentiate it from this au or not. 

Extra stuff for this au:

The idea that I was trying to get across with this, is that everything came down to a lack of communication. In reality, no one was ever pressuring Griz to become the leader, if she had said something, the tribe would have supported her decision, but on the other hand no one ever asked her how she felt about it either. It’s the lack of discussion from both ends that causes the misunderstandings and tension, and eventually the falling out. 

As an aside, this whole thing is apart of my “idiot universe.” To briefly explain, I have three distinct Cats universes, (which may or may not have been created for the sole purpose of having all my ships be canon, don’t judge me), they’re all separated by how Macavity is characterized. Universe one is my “main” universe, where Macavity is his typical self, universe two is the “redemption” universe where Macavity is less awful and gets redeemed, and universe three is the “idiot” universe where Macavity is just a dumbass who doesn’t pose a threat to anyone. He’s still a criminal, but only moderately worse than Jerrie and Teazer. So yes, this Griz sibling thing is in the “idiot” universe. 

If any of you are more interested in the three universes Mac’s, here’s a full post on it from like two months ago, it’s pretty shit and there are some things I’ve changed my mind about since then, but it still has some nice details. It’s also from before I had all these followers, so I was still posting to the void lmao. Also, that post was from before storyweaverofgondor made that excellent post explaining Mungocavity, so I was just throwing ideas against the wall for the pairing and trying to come up with a ship name XD. I’m so glad her post made the pairing a bit more popular because I thought I was doomed to be alone in shipping it lol. 

I’ve really been liking the “Tugger and Demeter are siblings” idea thanks to return-of-the-skimbly and thepansexualspoon, and I kinda want to incorporate it into one of my universe’s somehow, but I haven’t decided which one. I also can’t decide if I’d still have Munk as their sibling too if I went that route, but I know for sure that it won’t be in my “main” universe because of Demebombastrap. I’ve been thinking about putting it in the “idiot” universe, in which case I’ll have to edit some of the headcanons in this post. In fact, I’ll probably need to make a separate post explaining Deme’s whole side of it if I do that. *Sigh* there’s just too many fun ideas to work with! 

#cats the musical #grizabella #munkustrap #rum tum tugger #my rambles #my original posts #long post #old deuteronomy #cats headcanons #cats aus #I wanna make more posts about my three universes because they keep getting more elaborate and I need to talk about them ajdsakms #I'm not @ing the people I mention because the @ is at the very bottom of this post and this post is very long #I don't want to put them through the pain of having to read this mess so I'm just not @ing them #might also be because of my anxiety where I want to post this but simultaneously don't want people to read it hsadjjaka #also yeah I know 'idiot' universe isn't the most proper name but I might come up with something better later on

[purplesurveys]

1076

Be honest, did Fifty Shades of Grey arouse you in any way? I honestly never felt the need to see a single page, hear of the plot, or watch any part from any of the movies tbh. I just heard from everyone it was full of smut and it was enough to turn me away from it. Then it got banned in my school which definitely helped in not having to hear anything about it again.

What does your sibling(s) call you? In third-person they refer to me as Ate, which is the honorific for older sister. But my sister usually addresses me simply by looking my way and starting her sentence/question from there.

Do you have any close friends that are the opposite sex that your significant other dislikes? I don’t have a significant other anymore but my ex used to be unnecessarily mean about some of my close guy friends. I didn’t like some of her friends too, but I always had some valid reason behind it, e.g. they were creepy around her, they were aloof towards me, etc. But she didn’t like some of my guy friends by the sole fact that they were guys and she didn’t trust them around me, and like it was just something I couldn’t do anything about tbh. It also hurt me, because I love my guy friends and it didn’t feel right that she hated and criticized them without even wanting to make the effort to get to know them.

Do you honestly believe everything happens for a reason? Why or why not? My life is the grand sum of what I make of things. Idk if that’s able to address the question, but that is how I see the world in general.

Do you believe in reincarnation? Why or why not? No. Doesn’t really sit well with me, simply put. I believe that when I die, that is it for me; same with all other living beings.

The Hunger Games or The Maze Runner? I guess The Hunger Games. I saw the first movie and fairly enjoyed it, but that’s it as far as my interest in the franchise goes. I have never had any idea what The Maze Runner is about, and I honestly keep confusing it for the Divergent series for some reason lol.

Has anyone you’ve known claimed to be psychic? I don’t think so. If I did, I probably have already made the conscious decision not to hang out with them a lot haha.

Did/do you believe them? If I did know someone, I would not believe them.

Is anything annoying you right now? It’s fucking Sunday evening and I am not in the mood to go back to work tomorrow. I’m also staying up late (it’s already past 11 PM) and I know I’m already going to regret this, which is annoying me even more.

Have you ever been ice-skating? Yes! So many times as a kid. We don’t get actual snow though, so some malls have artificial ice skating rinks for those who want to do so. From ages 8-10 my mom would drop me off at the rink for me to practice/play in for a few hours because she knew I didn’t like tagging along in errands.

Does the sound of rain at night help you sleep? I wouldn’t say it helps me sleep since I generally have no issues dozing off, but the sound does make me feel calm and relaxed.

Have you ever seen an albino person, in person? Yes, I had a classmate with albinism at one point.

Have you ever worn a pair of scrubs? I don’t think I ever have. I never had to.

Have you ever walked into a massive cobweb? Probably. Or, at least, shot my hand out in an area where I ended up feeling a big cobweb.

What would you say is your strongest felt emotion right now? Despair. Hahahaha. Give me a longer fucking weekend, universe.

Are you talking to anyone at the moment? No, just this survey.

Do you have trust issues? Well now I do.

Have you ever found an arrow head? I don’t know; I don’t think so.

Who is with you? It’s just me in my room now. Kimi didn’t enter with me, and I think he wants to hang out in the corridor for a bit tonight. He’ll knock once he wants to be in here.

What can you not stop thinking about? How much longer I should continue doing this survey because I need to get sleep if I don’t want to wake up cranky.

Do you forgive easily? No. I tend to hold grudges, and I’d rather be honest and straightforward about my grudges than lie to someone’s face that I’ve forgiven them when I know within myself that I still resent them. I feel like that would be unfair to them anyway so it’s grudges all the way for me.

In what part of your life so far, have you learned the most about yourself? Not sure there’s a most. I possess self-awareness so I continue to learn as I get older. < Yeah I gotta go with this one. In every start of a new chapter in my life, I always seem to pick up new details or lessons about myself.

Have you ever been in a fist fight? I’ve been in physical fights but no fists were ever thrown.

Are your ears pierced? Yes, they are indeed.

What did you last say out loud? Something along the lines of “Not yet? Alright” to Kimi when he decided he didn’t want to enter my room with me.

What are you waiting on? I’m waiting on Friday already -____-

Do you tell people when they get on your nerves? Not usually. I like expressing it indirectly, like having shorter patience with them or ignoring them completely.

Are your feelings hurt easily? This working girl has to sleep, lmao. Catch y’all soon. Okay, where were we... Yeah, I would say being sensitive is one of my main traits. It’s fairly easy for me to get my feelings hurt, and I tend to overthink/overanalyze the simplest of jokes or comments towards me.

What's the most expensive piece of clothing you have? Did you buy it yourself? I haven’t started shelling out when it comes to clothes; like I’ve mentioned before, most of my money goes to food and the rest goes to gas, lmao. My most expensive clothes are probably just my WWE shirts. The merch I own are of the biggest wrestlers during the time I got them, so it was their shirts that cost the highest.

Who is your closest platonic friend of the opposite sex? Probably Hans. The two of us don’t talk much at all, but we always bond super well when we’re together and I can count on him to give me honest, hard-pill-to-swallow advice. Angela has to be with us though, or else I’ll feel awkward and shy.

How do you think your first relationship shaped who you are as a partner now? Yes, but there are good and bad sides to it. I will always be thankful to Gabie for tirelessly encouraging me to try out new things, expand my horizons, and to be unafraid to discover what I am capable of. She was undoubtedly my biggest supporter, especially when it came to going out of my comfort zone. I grew a lot from my relationship with her, so much so that it has definitely helped shape me to be the much braver, risk-taker person I am today. I like who I am now, and I won’t deny that it was she who helped in bringing that person out of her shell.

Bad side...she made me say sorry a lot. For her, she could do no wrong; and even if she did, she was always able to flip a situation around to make it sound like it was actually my fault. And so I said sorry, a lot. For four years. And on my end, I don’t think I received a lot of the apologies I think I deserved. So these days, I get jumpy with people and always feel the need to panic and apologize for the smallest shortcomings. She also always wanted to win arguments. Getting her point across and me agreeing with it mattered more than actually resolving arguments and moving our relationship forward. Bad as it was, it taught me a personal lesson: I learned how to negotiate and communicate better in my other relationships because I wanted to avoid the toxic dynamic I had in my own relationship.

As sad as I am that I lost the relationship and as much as I continue to think of the things that could have been, these days I get sadder instead when I think of how much I allowed myself to be treated that way. Of course, I’m very aware that I had my own set of problematic traits too. I’m not saying I was the model significant other (I was far from it), but the main difference between us is that I was always striving to be better in the relationship. I wanted to address the issues she had with me and to try to be a better, kinder person from it, for her sake and for my own personal growth. Unfortunately, all my attempts at healthy communication with her was always met with, “I can’t change who I am because this is already me.” Anyway, I’m rambling and I’m starting to feel sad again. Next question! Hahahaha.

Who is your favorite protagonist of the same sex? Claire Foy’s Elizabeth from The Crown.

Were you popular in high school? What was your reputation like? I was invisible in freshman and sophomore years, High school was the start of a new chapter, and my track record with new life chapters was never impressive because I take longer than normal to adjust to new environments. By third year I reconnected with Angela, and she hung out with the popular kids, so soon enough I got pulled into that crowd. I’d say by the end of high school I was a solid point on the radar - it was also thanks to my open secret of a same-sex relationship in a Catholic school, if we’re being honest lol - but I never liked having the spotlight on me. I liked that I had popular friends, but I myself never wanted to stir up shit on my own. I was just glad to be constantly invited to soirées and underground parties, lmao.

Have you always known your sexual orientation or did something happen to make you realize it? I’ve always been icky about the concepts of dating and sex. I could never imagine being intimate with anyone, and sex isn’t the biggest priority for me in relationships. The only time it makes the most sense to me is if I did it with someone I’ve built a solid, strong connection with; a close friend that I could trust. Realizing those made it easier to accept within me that I’m demi, or at least dancing around somewhere under the asexual umbrella.

What was the hardest part of your last break up? Coming to terms with how shittily I was treated, during and after. By the end of our relationship, she made it seem as though talking to me and maintaining the relationship was a chore. Every mistake I made sent her into a rage, which always ended in me rapidly apologizing in tears. Then after the breakup, she simply wanted to cut ties with me. She was never willing to allow me to healthily process the situation, and whenever I had questions in mind she would answer them curtly, and not give me reflective answers or perspectives. I begged for a long time to have my questions answered and to allow myself the teeniest bit of closure. 

I had such a shiny, sparkly, perfect, can-do-no-wrong idea of my girlfriend for our entire friendship; so to take my rose-colored glasses off was the hardest part of it all. But taking that hard step was also the first step to healing, so it brought some good too I guess. I just wish getting to the good and easy part didn’t have to be so painful.

What brought you out of the hardest period in your life? The awareness that I had friends who unconditionally care about me. Also if I’m being honest, the Christmas break. I realized I was having such a hard time with my breakup because I was also already dealing with work burnout and the pressure of being in a new position and trying to make as few as mistakes as possible  – so by the time the Christmas break rolled around and I had two weeks of no work, it was enough for me to recharge, realign my priorities, and determine the things and people that matter and that I want to keep.

What's your favorite kind of smiley face? Idk, I guess just :)? I like keeping my emoticons simple.

Does anybody know your deepest darkest secret? I dunno if I have one.

Did you ever watch Rugrats? (the babies) I did, but I never liked it. I remember Rugrats very specifically because this was the show that would be on Nickelodeon whenever me and my sister would be woken up at 5 AM to prepare for school. It came before Legends of the Hidden Temple, which was a lot more fun to watch.

What about Hey Arnold? I caught it often because this was also an early morning show (it came after Legends of the Hidden Temple), but I was never into it either. I also never got to watch the episodes in full because the school bus would pick me up by the time this was on the air.

Do you like pep rallies? Idk what that is.

Have you ever had pneumonia? No.

What do you feel about surgeries? Do they worry you? The possibility of accidentally waking up in the middle of a surgery and being unable to speak out because I was anaesthetized scares me more than anything else. But since I’ve never had to have a surgery before, I imagine feeling completely terrified if the time ever comes for me to have one.

Do you play Minecraft? if so, feelings about servers? I don’t play it. I think I tried it before, but it just never stuck with me. The most I’ve gone with it is to watch several playthroughs by Pewdiepie. I have no clue what you mean by servers.

Do you read creepypastas? No. I’m familiar with some, but I never read any.

Do you think vlogging in public is scary? I feel like this survey contains snippets from many different surveys because I’ve definitely answered this question before...but anyway, I wouldn’t say it’s scary per se but I AM shy when it comes to these things, and I don’t think I have it in me to carry a camera around in public and directly speak to it.

Have you been to an escape room? Was it a success? Mmm no, doesn’t sound like my idea of fun either. I don’t like solving puzzles hahaha.

What social class would you say you're in? Middle class. We live a relatively comfortable life in this country.

Have you ever recorded a cover of a song? Nope. I have never recorded myself singing because it has never been necessary lol.

How do you feel about guns? Not a fan. If I needed weapons for self-defense, I’d get anything other than a gun.

What's the most traumatizing event that ever happened to you? The drunken rages I had to helplessly watch from my childhood years.

Are you faint to the sight of blood? Yeah absolutely. Like I’ve always felt bad about it but I was such a shit helper whenever my ex had her semi-regular nosebleeds. I did help, I just panicked and nearly hyperventilated every time I did so because of the blood HAHA

Do you like spicy food? Love them, but the food has to be meaningfully spicy for me to enjoy it - like curry or laksa. Spicy food shouldn’t just be dishes with sprinkled spicy powder as a finishing touch, because for the most part that just irritates my throat and it doesn’t allow me to appreciate the spiciness.

Do you have good dreams or nightmares more? I think I am back to having simply strange dreams. But in the last few months, my nights had. been regularly plagued with nightmares.

When was the last time someone insulted you? What was the insult? Idk it was probably something my mom said that I had discarded from my memory. I’ve gotten so much better at that now.

What’s your second favorite color? Baby pink/pastel pink.

Do you ever wish you lived in a different country? I think about this everyday. Yes.

Who’s the last person you “pounded” fists with? One of my uncles.

Have you ever been involved in an affair? Nope.

How many times a week do you speak to your boss? I talk to them everyday since we have a Viber chat. I wouldn’t know what tasks to do or prioritize without them, so we need to be in touch all the time.

What do you want for your birthday? I don’t even want to think about my first birthday without her...but anyway, mine and Cooper’s birthday are super close to each other, so I actually want to throw a small party at home celebrating our birthdays haha :) Cooper can get his own doggie cake and cupcakes, heheh.

Have you ever been to a masquerade? I don’t think so.

Is there anybody you think is hot over the age of 40? I’m sure I can think of a couple of people I know.

Who in your phone has a heart after their name? Angela.

Anything you’re avoiding? I wanna avoid work for the next hour or so. Then once I’ve done some recharging, I can continue with a few tasks tonight so that my workload can be just a bit lighter tomorrow morning.

After breaking up, what’s the worst? Depends on the breakup. < Agreed.

Does your sibling have a significant other? I don’t think either of them has.

Do you use Skype? Not since a decade ago. At work, we mainly use Google Meet. Some clients will use Zoom; one client uses Teams.

Are you a fan of acrylic nails? Not yet, but I do want to try it out someday just to spoil myself haha.

Name one happy song that describes you better than any other. Idk if I can call myself happy just yet...hmm. Paramore does have a short song/interlude called I’m Not Angry Anymore, and it’s a happy-sounding song with a very passive-aggressive message hahaha. I’d say that’s me right now. Some of the lyrics go:

“I’m not bitter anymore, I’m syrupy sweet I’ll rot your teeth down to their core if I’m really happy

Depends on the day, if I wake up in a giddy haze Well, I’m not angry, I’m not totally angry, I’m not all that angry anymore” and everything about it is so meeeeee.

Name one sad/mellow song that describes you better than any other. Forgiveness, also by Paramore. Sorry I’m in a music slump y’all. Only Paramore has been able to make my days the slightest bit better.

What is your most used pick up line? I don’t use those, nor do I like hearing those.

Do you like the taste of alcohol? Sure. I like strong mixed drinks the best, though.

What kinds of food make you sick? I don’t have a weak stomach when it comes to food. The only food that has made me sick are expired foods.

#survey #surveys

[mercuryislove]

Don’t hate me but… I kinda want you to answer all of the deep dive WIP asks 🥺 if that’s unreasonable tho, just 2, 9, and 10 please!

I am SORRY for the delay!!! i answered every question for BOTH projects so you're in for like.... several thousand words of shit that makes absolutely no sense, but i hope you you enjoy it! :)

1. Who are two characters that don't like each other? What do they reveal about each other to the readers? Will they ever learn to put aside their differences?

White Crane: okay this is hard because like. so many people do not like each other. (I know I made a post once about how terrible it would be to be one of twenty-eight people that have the power of dead gods but are trapped in stupid human bodies and you're all a thousand years old and hate each other so so so so so much because you all SUCK.) But for the sake of simplicity, I will talk about Ciaran and Sihla who never got along but only played nice to keep Anwei happy. They absolutely do NOT put aside their differences lmao once everything kind of, um, blows up between the three of them, all they want to do is KILL each other. She makes it her life's goal to make him suffer, and he basically loses his sanity in the process of trying to find a way to kill her for good. The beef is unbelievable. ANYWAY, what they reveal about each other is that Ciaran is not nearly as innocent in anything as he likes to pretend and Sihla is not as guilty as everyone says she is. I mean, she is still a terrible person in many ways, but that does not excuse the things he did to her all those years ago. She hates him for many, many good reasons.

Old Blood: Andhira HATES the entire Ekion family, but specifically the oldest son (who does not have an official name yet.... oops). He doesn't much care for her either but is usually too busy trying to better his social standing to worry too much about her. Except when they're in the same room together (which happens semi-regularly because her brother is kind of in love with him lmao). They hate each other for the exact same reason and it's that they're both SO arrogant. They look down on everyone around them (which in Andhira's case is like. fair. She's the firstborn of the two most powerful people on the planet, and the only person that comes close to that level of power is her twin brother who was born a mere fourteen minutes after her) but think the other is completely unjustified in their actions. Really all it reveals to a reader is that they both kind of suck and need to get over themselves because all that behavior does is make people resent you. They only put aside their differences because she does kind of need his help once or twice, but they would gladly spit in each other's face and/or push each other down a flight of stairs in the name of pettiness.

--

2. What do you hope your readers will take away from your wip? Is there an intentional theme to the story?

These can be answered together! I started writing these stories because I wanted to have fun but they've both kind of morphed into a long-winded way of saying that like. it's okay to be messed up and hate yourself and have major internal struggles because there are people who still love you. I KNOW it doesn't sound like that from uhhhhhh literally everything I've ever said about this stuff but bear with me. The BIG theme is that love is EVERYTHING. All kinds of love. It's the reason to keep on going. You are never alone, even strangers can love you in their own way, etc etc etc etc. Also gay love fucking prevails always and forever.

--

3. What do you love most about your protagonist?

Yixing is funny and weird and definitely a horse girl and he kind of sucks sometimes because he's stubborn as hell and has terrible people skills and maybe also a drinking problem, but he is kind and empathetic and despite the absolute hell he's lived through, he still sees the good in people and knows that it's easy to make mistakes and that most people deserve second chances in life. Also I like him because he is without a doubt the ideal man and I made him that way on purpose. And god I wish we could drink together. I'm talking stumbling drunk, crying on the bathroom floor, please-hold-my-hair-i'm-about-to-throw-up kind of drinking. We would have a great time being stupid together I think.

Vera is resilient and mean and stubborn and cold and off-putting and hard to get to know, and she sucks for those reasons but it's also why I love her so much. She has also lived through hell and it didn't make her try to see the good in people like Yixing does. It just made her bitter and resentful. She warms up over time, but she fights tooth and nail against it. I also love her so much because she is the archetype of like. the washed up former prodigy that has to return sort of against her will to her old life, and she realizes that she misses it in some ways but also remembers exactly why she left. I would Not want to drink with her (because she doesn't drink anymore), but I would love to take one of her art classes.

--

4. Is there anything in the story that is implied but not directly stated? Will this become more relevant later on? How perceptive would a reader have to be to pick up on this?

White Crane: This is hard because I'm so invested in my own shit that it feels obvious to me, but I try to lay out a little candy trail that tells the reader that Ciaran and Anwei are Not What They Seem right from the start. It’s hard to explain without specific examples but it’s in the way they talk, they way they interact with other people, the way certain things they say don’t line up, etc etc etc. And there is a Big Hint of what will happen to Ciaran in the second and third installment, but idk if that counts. Also there are definitely implications that Yixing is trans but that's neither here nor there (honestly I’ve gone back and forth on whether or not he should be explicitly trans or if it should be left to reader interpretation because well... I don’t know if I'm capable of writing the nuance of transness because I'm not trans despite my complex and confusing relationship with gender but I'm also not a thirty-something year old Asian man NOR am I a god NOR am I a former vampire hunter NOR am I like. any of the things I write about other than a mean lesbian so. who knows?)

Old Blood: TRUE FANS already know this one, but regular degular readers that haven't participated in funny question friday or read my random late night posting would not immediately know that Josef and the Sovereign were once involved. Basically the only characters in the story that know are Josef, Luka, the Sovereign himself, and Tahire. But there are definitely some hints peppered throughout conversations and perhaps some photos and trinkets that Josef has kept after all this time... It has like no weight on the events of the story but I just think it's fun. Once again I am way too invested to know if it's easy to pick up on or not but I think it takes some theorizing about maybe? Other than that there aren’t any significant secrets.

--

5. Which character has the most intricate backstory? Is this backstory common knowledge from the start, or is it revealed later on? How does the backstory affect the narrative?

White Crane: this is unfair because some of the characters are almost a thousand years old and some of them are like. 35. I DO have a full timeline written out of the thousand years of history that Ciaran and Anwei have lived through, if that counts as an answer. Like it doesn't have every single day and year, but it has all the big events for sure. Barring that, Yixing definitely has a pretty complex backstory. The man gets around lol and I try (and maybe fail?) to make him seem not too complex initially but then things get revealed and you learn more about him and are like “oh my god no wonder this man has Problems.” Also if he was like. “normal” and perhaps “well-adjusted” the story would not exist at all because he is the way he is and makes some of the stupid decisions he does because of his weird little life.

Old Blood: ONCE AGAIN, this is unfair because the Sovereign is like older than god. And Vera is 37. But like. I haven't fleshed him or any of the old ass vampires out nearly as much as Vera so there's your answer I guess? And I guess the important things are known from the start (that she was a prodigy, that she retired because terrible shit happened and she couldn't handle it, that she suffers from significant ptsd because of it, etc), but there is a lot of detail that doesn't come out until much later when she has to confront her Feelings (ewww feelings). Uh... the backstory affects the narrative because it wouldn't exist at all if Vera wasn't plagued by her fucked up blood nightmares lol

--

6. Which two characters have the most complicated relationship? How does their relationship develop over time?

White Crane: Ciaran and Anwei totally. They love each other because they're brother and sister and were all the other had for a VERY long time (and even when they were still uh mortal, they relied on each other constantly), but also they hate each other because they're brother and sister. You know how it is with siblings. I love my brother and sister to pieces but I can't imagine being immortal and having to put up with the both of them for all eternity (sorry guys if you are reading this somehow.... I love you but we are all so annoying god bless). They handled their newfound godhood very, very, very differently and it kind of colors their relationship for the rest of time. There were times where they were extremely codependent and other times where they didn't speak to each other for DECADES. At the start of our story, they're on much better terms and have buried all their hatchets, but it doesn't take much for that to change....

Old Blood: Probably Vera and Andhira? They're only brought together because of their shared fucked up blood nightmares, and neither of them like that thought. They both resent the other for everything they are, and Vera is pretty much completely hostile to Andhira about it for a long time (and Andhira is only just barely cordial lol), but obviously a significant part of the plot revolves around them like. falling in love so they DO get over it after a while :)

--

7. What is the most heart-wrenching scene in your wip? Why?

White Crane: When Yixing fucking DIES. I feel like this one should be self-explanatory. But I mean if you would like further explanation, it's unpleasant and slow and agonizing and nobody can do anything to stop it (haha....... unless?) so Ciaran gets to hold him for a long time and feel really bad about it lol

Old Blood: idk if there are any really heart-wrenching scenes but there are definitely some miserable and uncomfortable scenes like where Vera relives in vivid detail the days that she witnessed the gruesome deaths of her young apprentice and her last lover. They're upsetting because those are the two days that basically ruined her life (and one was the final straw that sent her spiraling completely out of control) and it's painful to watch her have to live with the guilt of what happened even if it wasn't her fault.

--

8. What is a song that you associate with your wip? Explain.

White Crane: not to be basic but absolutely without a doubt in my stupid mind “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” by Tears for Fears lol it's because uh. well. Everybody wants to rule the world right? Basically way back in 2019 when I was crafting the ideas for the dnd campaign that became this thing instead, I was definitely having a metal gear moment (honestly I’m about to have a metal gear moment NOW lol) and was listening to a lot of like. mgs adjacent music and latched onto this song (and also promises, promises by naked eyes lmao) as some like thematic element. Like my brain making amvs. You know how it is. ANYWAY the point is. The concept was originally way different and was supposed to be more about the immediate aftermath of the so-called end of the world (yes Yixing was still there and yes he was still just some guy), and it focused a lot more on power struggles between all of these insane people that were granted godhood in the wake of the dying world. Which........ is something I'd like to write about at some point because it's intriguing in its own way but at the time I was unequipped to write about that when I really just wanted to write about people who are, for all intents and purposes, quite average getting caught up in the batshit drama of higher powers. (fun fact: Ciaran was supposed to be a tyrant king that ran a death cult and Anwei and Yixing were working together to figure out a way to kill him. Which is. Kind of what my dnd campaign is like now lol BASICALLY he's like if Big Boss was unkillable and could also rip souls out of people's bodies and eat them. I absolutely do not remember what this question originally was. Something about a song?)

Old Blood: THIS is the reason it took me so long to answer this whole thing. I thought long and hard and looked through all my playlists and listened to random songs that came to mind but it turns out the song I was looking for was right in front of me the whole time. DUH. It's “Golden Light” by Twin Shadow :) In my humble homo interpretation, I think it's a song about being afraid to fall in love and. Well. That's the whole point. Also #spoilers but the first time Vera sees Andhira and is like “oops I think I have feelings” is when they've just arrived at Andhira's home and the sun is rising and she looks over at her as they stand at the top of a hill and she has her eyes closed to the sun and she's bathed in golden light and OOUGGGGHGHHH poetic cinema. (honorable mention goes to “Groove is in the Heart” by Deee-lite because it’s quintessential early 90s music that Vera would be super into)

--

9. What does your protagonist want most? What would they do to achieve this? What is something they wouldn't do to achieve this?

White Crane: Yixing wants to be happy for once. Like actually really happy instead of just. getting by. There's a scene where they're making wishes for the next seasons during the summer solstice and someone asks what he wants and he's like “uh I guess I want to still be alive at the end of the year?” and the other person is like “isn't that what everyone wants? Raise the fucking bar please. What do you REALLY want?” and he's stands there for a really long time and thinks about it before finally saying “I think I just want to be happy for once” and everyone else is like. wow. Way to kill the fucking mood dude. Anyway. He has had fleeting moments of happiness in his life but wants nothing more than to feel that way forever. It's kind of hard to say what he wouldn't do for that because like. there's not really much you CAN do in the first place, so I feel like there's even less you couldn't do. I guess he wouldn't like sell his soul to the devil or something lmao (though by being involved with Ciaran he's pretty much halfway there)

Old Blood: to be left alone. Vera just wants a normal life. She really truly does want to pretend that none of the horrible shit happened to her and that she was never a world-famous hunter. And she wants to teach art classes and live a quiet life!!! I mean, she is already mostly doing that exact thing when we first meet her, but obviously she has some hindrances (aka fucked up blood nightmares). She is begrudgingly helping Andhira because she assumes that will fix her problem and that she'll be able to get to that quiet living as soon as all is said and done. The only thing she really wouldn't do to get what she wants is like... live somewhere far away from Josef and Luka lol She likes having them close by more than she wants to be left alone.

--

10. Within your story's world, were there any events that impacted every character (or most characters)? How would they be different if this event never happened? (Alternatively, erase an important even from on character's backstory and imagine where they'd be now.)

White Crane: well. If the stupid old gods didn't all kill themselves and almost end the world then I guess none of this story would exist lol But the actual answer is like. If Yixing had never run out on his girlfriend of ten years then he wouldn't have moved across the continent to Jengmi and wouldn't have made a name for himself way out there and wouldn't have been scouted and recruited and wouldn't have met Ciaran or Anwei and wouldn't have gotten in the middle of the batshit grudge between a bunch of ancient petty gay people and wouldn't have DIED and wouldn't have made one of the ancient petty gay people in particular lose his grip on his humanity via a lust for power in a desperate attempt to guarantee his safety and wouldn't have been the reason that tens of thousands of people die in his name and wouldn't have accidentally set off a chain of events that resulted in him having to hunt down and kill the Actual God that started it all in a fit of jealous rage. So like. maybe he should have just gone through with the wedding. All things considered, his life would have been way less stressful.

Old Blood: uhhh, that's tough because the stuff that happens only really has any effect on the mortal characters (I mean yeah people still try to kill the Sovereign but they're too dumb to know the ACTUAL way to kill him.... haha unless??), so it would be more like a what if Vera didn't witness the violent deaths of both her apprentice and her lover and have a full blown nervous breakdown and abandon her career? Well...... I think most things in the plot would transpire more or less the same, except she would be WAY less pissed off about it. In fact, she would probably be hyped as hell to get the chance to make the acquaintance of the Sovereign's family like Josef had before her. The thought of Vera being upbeat and not a sleep-deprived asshole that hates being dragged back to her old life..... ew. Not that I enjoy her suffering but you know what I mean. It just wouldn't be the same.

--

11. What is something from your wip that you just really want to ramble about?

Are you sure you're ready for this. This is going to be so so so so long I'm sorry in advance. It's Saturday night and I'm alone and kind of sad so I'm just going to let loose.

As I hone down plot elements for next two installments in my little trilogy, I have kind of become obsessed with the passage of time and how different it must feel to someone that, well, lives forever. One of the ways I'd written (that has since been kind of changed) for Yixing to start to figure out what Ciaran really is was that he would casually be looking through his bookshelf and find an old photograph of Ciaran, Anwei, and their mom standing backstage together after one of his performances. And when he eventually asks Ciaran about it, he gets upset because how dare you touch the one thing I have left to remember my mother? To remember what my life used to be like? There are so many names and faces and places and foods and sensations that I've forgotten in the 940 years I've lived like this and I would give anything I have to see any of it just one more time because I didn't know that the last time I would ever speak to my mom we would have an argument on the phone about how I need to go to the temple and pray for good fortune on my birthday, or that the last time I would ever see my best friend would be at 6am when we both came into the studio to practice and he asked me to go out to breakfast and I said no because I thought a nap would be more important. And there are so many people that I've watched die whose names I never learned and whose faces I forgot the moment I turned away, and there are so many others that I loved so dearly that I had to leave behind because they grew old and I didn't. And I have lived lifetimes in solitude to keep myself a secret from other people and I have died more than any person should ever have to die and I have witnessed atrocities no one should ever witness and I hate everything about this life so much but I love everything about this life so much and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think I would give it all away in an instant if only to remember the scent of my mother's favorite perfume and I think I would give it all away in an instant if it meant I didn't have to watch you turn to dust in my arms.

ANYWAY. I think a lot about the agony of loving things that aren't permanent and how it really DOES drive you mad because lately I have been unbelievably nostalgic for certain things that weren't even that long ago but..... I didn't appreciate them at the time and I feel so guilty about it. (And like. I too would give up my entire life to be able to remember the scent of my grandmother's favorite perfume.) And all my pent-up sadness is for things that only happened in my childhood. I have pictures and videos and other people to share those memories with, but what does it feel like to be one of very few people that watched the entire world fall apart and rebuild itself and have nothing to hold onto from that time? What does it feel like to foster dozens of generations of children and outlive every single one of them? What does it feel like to have only fragments of memories of entire lifetimes? How lonely is it? I mean, Ciaran and Anwei have each other and that makes a difference but it still has to be the most isolating feeling. And then there's the pain that comes with memories that have faded or otherwise become hazy. I doubt either of them remember their father's face. They hadn't seen him in years even before it all happened. If it wasn't for that single photo he has, they wouldn't remember their mother's face either. Do they still remember her name? Or her birthday? Do they remember anyone else? Cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, coworkers? If they do, do they even want to talk about it? One thing I worry about in my own life (and this is how I know I have Problems) is that I'm so afraid that talking about memories will alter them somehow. There are so many things that I don't even like to share because once the words are spoken the little vhs tape that has all my memories has been recorded over, even if it's just by a single frame. Something about it has been changed forever each time I talk about it. Do they feel the same way and keep things to themselves instead of sharing the sadness? I think maybe they used to talk about the “old days” or whatever much more often back in the past, but as the years went by.... they just learned to keep it to themselves.

I think maybe I have a lot of anxiety about the passage of time and of being forgotten!

Anyway again. The passage of time drives me insane. And I think it would make me even more insane if I had been chosen to carry the mantle of a dead god and would live forever. My dog died a year ago and I still cry like every single day thinking about her. If I was doomed to live forever I don't know how the sadness wouldn't swallow me whole! No wonder all the people in this book are fucking CRAZY!!

And don't even get me started on the Sovereign lol he's like “oh boo-hoo you've lived for not even a thousand years? Bitch they hadn't invented fucking GLASS yet when I was born. The horse wasn't domesticated yet. Cry harder!!”

#oc talk #4000 words later!!!!! #uh i hope this makes ANY sense at all lol #i wrote the responses to all of these at like 1am last night and the night before so. you'll have to forgive me if they're stupid

[laws-yellow-submarine]

Hazel and skyler!! feed us please!! I'm loving Hazel's story btwww can't wait for more!!!!♥️!!!!!

Ahhhhhhh anon that makes me so happy to hear omg (I’m working on chapter 3 I swear I just might not truly get to it until Wednesday when I have off!!)

@charliedoyleloves So I just put Hazel in this post, since I did Skylar for another post over here (and tbh that probably works out better cause I swear the cuts don’t work when I put them on asks and I hate it lmfao)

Full Name: Monkey D. Hazel

Gender and Sexuality: Female, and who fucking knows lmfao I think she’s at least a little ace though (I even thought about making her aro for a while, but decided that didn’t fit as well, but she’s keeping at least demisexual if not full-blown ace, because there should be more ace/aro OCs lol)

Pronouns: She/Her

Ethnicity/Species: Human, and she’s got a light tan from running around outside all the time (like Luffy)

Birthplace and Birthdate: Foosha Village, April 24th

Guilty Pleasures: Cheesy Romance Novels, something she actually shares with Robin, Franky, and Usopp, but the boys haven’t figured out all that out yet (I have a whole headcanon about this lmfao)

Phobias: She has a really big fear of being left behind, of not being needed anymore; that one day the people she cares about will realize she’s utterly useless and a burden to keep around, and they’ll just leave her somewhere (it’s an unfounded fear, of course. Even if she actually DIDN’T have any useful skills, or fighting ability, or any of that, Luffy at the very least would NEVER abandon her somewhere, and that extends to everyone else. But what can I say, Dragon leaving fucked her up 🙃 )

What They Would Be Famous For: Modern setting: Probably for being a famous children’s author. In OP setting: Unfortunately for her, all of her accomplishments mean nothing because they’re overshadowed by who her family is. She’s Garp the Hero’s granddaughter, Dragon the Revolutionary’s daughter, and the eventual Fifth Emperor Straw Hat Luffy’s older sister. Add to that the fact that she’s been through hell and back and still alive, and most people assume she must be some kind of demon (or the more common theory: that there’s something up with that family’s genetics).

What They Would Get Arrested For: General piracy? Honestly she doesn’t even need to do anything specific, look at who she’s related to. The Marines have executed for less :)

OC You Ship Them With: I don’t think I have any OCs that I truly ship Hazel with, so I’ll just talk about canon characters lol I ship her with Ace to an extent, but ultimately they were never “meant to be” (and not just because he dies, though that does affect her a lot later on). I don’t think I ever actually posted it on here, but ultimately her love interest is Zoro (her co-first mate lmfao)

OC Most Likely To Murder Them: Currently? Chester the Jester (who I wanna try bringing back at some point just cause it was surprisingly fun writing a rhyming eyesore lmfao)

Favorite Movie/Book Genre: She’s a writer, so she’s got a range of interests when it comes to books, but given what her guilty pleasure is Romance probably takes the cake (but it could be any genre, so long as there’s a romantic subplot)

Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: “And there was only one bed!” Growing up the way she did means she has zero personal space issues so sleeping in the same bed as someone, even someone she might be romantically interested in, doesn’t bother her at all, and the idea that it might bother somebody to the point it’s a whole damn thing in her romance novels just baffles the shit out of her. It’s sleeping, why is everyone so tense? 

Talents and/or Powers: She’s pretty good at hand-to-hand, and utilizes her legs a lot in fighting (not to the level Sanji does, of course, but that’s where most of her muscle power is), and she’ll eventually learn to use a sword/dagger/thingy at some point as a backup weapon (plus future things that would be spoilers lmao). Also she really does have a talent for storytelling

Why Someone Might Love Them: She’s everyone’s big sister! She’s one of the most mature on the crew, which means she’s got her head on straight (mostly), and is one of the few voices of reason when it’s really needed. She’s also been through a lot, both emotionally and physically, and even though she doesn’t always see it, or feel it, she is one of the strongest just because of how much she’s been chewed up and spat back out but still manages to keep going.

Why Someone Might Hate Them: She’s everyone’s big sister!! She’s very bossy! She acts like she needs to keep everything running smoothly, even when it’s not her job (in fact, she actively tried to get out of being the one who keeps track of everything and yet she still does it all anyway!) She acts like she’s the only one with any sense a lot of the time too, and this leads to a lot of frustration between her and others.

How They Change: The goal is for her to let go of the resentment she feels for how she grew up (not resentment towards Luffy, of course, but she’s got a lot of pent up anger towards certain other family members), and for her to realize that just because she essentially was “mom” (in a way), doesn’t mean she needs to keep doing that. She’s allowed to make mistakes, and do things for herself without any regard for how it might affect other people. Essentially she learns to eventually let go of the past and move forward, with the help of her brother and her friends

Why You Love Them: Hazel is the embodiment of all my “Big Sister” feelings. Being the built in babysitter, not being allowed to mess up because you have to set the example, having to basically grow up early because you aren’t allowed to be a young kid. She’s very cathartic lol I also feel like she fits fairly well into the role I’ve set for her, after all I never planned on actually having a fic for her, but now here I am 2 chapters in and working on more. Everything about her has just kinda fallen into place, and even trying to nail down details (such as who to ship her with) just felt natural, and I never feel like I’m forcing her into situations. She’s just managed to fit herself into this whole world so easily, and I want to do so much with her.

#monkey d. hazel #one piece oc #one piece original character #one piece fan fiction #one piece fan fic #together with fruit #twf #OC stuff lolol #why did this take me until 2 am to write