#but it is embalming. it is a seal around us

[starredforlife]

we need to have an intellectual movement we need to start educating ourselves as critically and urgently as possible and by we I need American youth teens adults. we have to cover as much of the breadth of knowledge we can that is granted to us freely in the form of books and podcasts and articles and essays and zines like we cannot spend so much time Consuming Content. I’m tired of it. I understand the desire i really do I have Chopped on in the background right now. But what is the point if we by position in such privilege, in such an age of individual potential of discovery, literally unlimited resource, refuse to read and learn and connect some dots and make conversation about it all. With personal education comes a fierce want for someone to discuss it with and so we get community and then probably a podcast or two but that’s good that’s for the better. Can we turn away from industries (mind, not the people) that have clearly and wholesale rejected the premise of art and storytelling that isn’t nostalgia bait and empty cash grabbing and can we start relying on ourselves to make it. Can someone less irritated than me make memes, or something, that’ll make people interested in the frankly obscene wealth of literature and history we have at our fingertips. We have always had a responsibility to keep learning, but that doesn’t mean we doomscroll and feel bad abt it and escape into a comfort show and call it a day it means we shape a way forward through relentless pursuit of knowledge, through creation of our own ideas, with community. It means we need to read these books into our souls because it’s possible for them to be taken away from us before we get the chance to

#DO YOU HEAR ME DOES THIS MAKE SENSE. #i too love art made by Hollywood I have CONTRIBUTED to this industry in minor ways #and by art I mean content I mean franchise I mean billion dollar productions #at the same time I hate it deeply and I want to disavow it entirely as art #it’s made by labor often with artistic intention it can be pretty it can make you feel good #but it is embalming. it is a seal around us #it all starts to feel like a bandaid. I am itching. #star’s thoughts #misc #i would love to go back to college but I can’t afford it and am not in a location I’m staying in for long enough

[narutodivorcearcreal]

Marla told me that when she died she wanted to have her body embalmed.

She told me she wanted to be like one of those Catholic saints whose corpses they have on display in European cathedrals. The nuns dunk them in acid and pour a thin layer of wax over their skin, then put them in an airtight glass coffin and call them incorruptible. Eventually their fat breaks down and beads up on top of the wax so the nuns have to wipe it off with a rag.

By that point, she couldn’t get up from the stale mattresses they had at the clinic. I could count the bones in her hand without Tyler’s kiss. There was a third lump in her breast. The doctors said there was little that could be done at that point.

If only she’d come in before there was a third lump in her breast.

If only she’d noticed when her skin started to turn yellow.

If only she’d reported to the clinic that she’d been coughing up blood.

If only.

They still recommended chemotherapy, but Marla didn’t have health insurance and she said she couldn’t stomach being bald when she already looked like a shrink-wrapped skeleton.

She said that maybe if I hadn’t used her collagen trust fund for soap, it could have been used to give her a touch up before her funeral.

.

Evacuate soul.

.

The day after she died, I was the one making the arrangements since her mother could only afford to fly in for one day and Marla would rather have her be at her funeral than see her like this, and she didn’t want her mother to plan her daughter’s funeral. Embalming a body to last for more than a year would cost two months of rent for Marla’s crummy apartment. The mortician asked me if I had a wedding ring for Marla to wear during the service, and whether I’d like her to be with or without makeup.

Two days after she died, Marla was given an open-casket funeral with her mother and I attending. The mortician dressed her up in a frilly blue dress and kitten heels. Afterwards, Marla’s mother took her to be cremated and gave me a dainty little egg-cup full of Marla. The rest of her she took. I put the cup on the shelf next to her mattress still covered in slippery plastic. I don’t know why she kept it sealed when I didn’t see her bring anyone home during the last months. She told me that since Tyler, other men felt mediocre by comparison.

Oh Tyler, even now I’m thinking of you.

Three days after Marla died, I went to a gun shop where a man with a split lip and bent nose called me sir. He asked, “What is Tyler Durden planning?

“What’s next?

“What’s happening?”

I told him that the first rule of project mayhem is to not ask questions and he gave me a handgun without registration and three boxes of ammunition. Tyler’s been dead for years and he’s still getting me free stuff. Marla would’ve loved this.

.

The tub in Marla’s bathroom has a clog and her hair sticks to the porcelain like black cursive so I sit on the toilet lid instead. The corners of my mouth rip a little as I stretch my jaw around the gun. My demon smile never healed right since I kept biting the stitches open in the mental hospital. It tastes like rust and the barrel knocks against my teeth that didn’t get blown out the first time. This brings me back.

I think about how all the melanomas, brain parasites, bowel cancers, all the people on the roof that night are dead by now. I think about Marla in the little egg cup and Bob with his brains blown out and Tyler gone.

Tyler, is this what you wanted?

Tyler, I miss you.

I click the safety off.

After they’re done scraping my brain matter off the tile, my father will probably be the one to identify my body. I wonder whether I’ll join Bob as one of Project Mayhem’s martyrs, or if that title doesn’t include suicides. They wouldn’t be saying my name either way.

His name is Tyler Durden. His name is Tyler Durden. His name is Tyler Durden.

I tongue at the gnarled scar tissue of my cheek. Second time’s the charm. Was it you who missed, or me?

Tyler, Tyler, Tyler. You should have aimed straight and saved me all this trouble. Few more years and I’m right back where I was. Ground zero. I think this is bottom plenty.

I think of the New Zealand on my foot. I think of my father. I think of my boss and the mayor’s special envoy on recycling and my job. In a few seconds I’ll look like one of the car crash victims whose rear differential locked up and sent them careening into an 18-wheeler.

Oh Tyler, deliver me.

Pull the trigger.

Evacuate soul.

#tw sui #my first time writing feedback welcome #i was delivered some devastating news jn the middle kf this which helped me get into that mindset #fight club #tyler durden #narrator fight club #soapshipping #marla singer

[a-typical]

Indonesia

I had heard of mummification occurring in very dry or very cold climates, but the lush, humid air of Indonesia hardly fell into that category. So how did the dead of this village become mummies? The answer depended on who you asked. Some claimed they would only mummify the body in the old way—pouring oils into the person’s mouth and throat, and spreading special tea leaves and tree barks on the skin. The tannins in the tea and bark bind with and shrink the proteins in the skin, making it stronger, stiffer, and more resistant to bacterial attack. The process is similar to how a taxidermist would preserve an animal hide (hence the word “tanning” in leather).

The new trend in Torajan body mummification is none other than good ol’ embalmer’s formalin (a solution of formaldehyde, methyl alcohol, and water) injected into the body. One woman I spoke to did not want her family members to receive the more invasive injections, but said in a conspiratorial tone, “I know other people are doing it.”

The villagers in this region of Toraja are amateur taxidermists of the human body. Given that the Torajans now use similar chemical formulas as North Americans to mummify their dead, I wondered why Westerners are so horrified at the practice. Perhaps it is not the extreme preservation that offends. Rather, it is that a Torajan body doesn’t sequester itself in a sealed casket, walled in a cement fortress underneath the earth, but instead dares to hang around among the living.**

— From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death, Caitlin Doughty

#Indonesia #Torajan #mummification #taxidermy #Caitlin Doughty #Ask a Mortician #From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death #From Here to Eternity #books #bookblr #death positive #death positive movement #nonfiction #science #history #travel #anthropology #memoir #sociology #atypicalreads #deathcare #cw death #death acceptance

[hiemaldesirae]

Human Alastor slowly slithering into madness after his wife/muse has been killed, hunting down Vox's killers, chasing them with the fury of a unleashed god.

Would he keep Vox's corpse? I feel like he would. Like, he'd have it taxidermied, or put in a glass case and it vacuumed sealed and all that, have Vox well preserved.

Also, i think he'd definitely talk about his wife a HELL of a lot more on his radio show, even if they were never married. Like, Vox being the turning point to him falling and becoming the serial killer we all know he is--delicious.

I think even in hell, when/if they're reunited (cause if Vox was a starlet/or famous in a different way she/he could be a winner and in Heaven. Although I'm sure Vox would fall for Alastor.) I think Alastor would talk about his wife. Like constantly. Idk.

oh yeah al would DEF keep a reminder of vox. i think in the scenario i thought up, vox had her head crushed by a tv sooo embalming(im assuming thats what u meant by taxidermy lmao)/preserving the body would be difficult, so al would probably keep her ashes or maybe a piece of her favourite outfit in a locket. like those hair lockets they used to do in the victorian era!

certainly LOL. i think in general al isnt much of a romantic but i think in the case where her wife is murdered and shes still searching for the killers, a lot of her subsequent broadcasts would be centred around keeping her wifes memory alive bc by killing vox, her murderers meant to try to take away her fame in the tinseltown stardom scene

(also i cant imagine a world where vox doesnt go to hell. tbh. i feel like here, she'd indulge in a lot of vices and fuck over other people without even giving a second thought to it, and even though she'd inevitably have a pretty horrible past courtesy of being a female hollywood star, it wouldnt be enough to excuse her of the actions that got her to the top. but the idea of vox falling from heaven just to reunite with al..... hm. uve intrigued me nonny)

(loud correct buzzer noises) YEAAA al talks about her wife all the time once they're reunited in hell. sections of the radio broadcast is dedicated solely to vox and she plays a new song for her every time

#ran rambles #radiostatic #hazbin hotel #general asks #this is for that yuri radiostatic au btw #which is why im using diff prns here #urgh im having trouble keeping track of everything lawl #radiostatic life partners au

[blueiskewl]

The Oldest Known Ancient Egyptian Mummy that is Covered with Gold Discovered 

An ancient Egyptian mummy is the oldest covered with gold, but it's not the oldest ancient Egyptian mummy on record.

Archaeologists in Egypt have uncovered a series of tombs dating back around 4,300 years at Saqqara, including a sarcophagus holding the oldest known ancient Egyptian mummy that is covered with gold.

The record-breaking tomb had a sealed sarcophagus containing the mummy of a man that a hieroglyphic inscription identifies as Hekashepes, and whose remains were found covered with gold.

"When the sarcophagus was examined, it was found to be completely sealed with mortar, just as the ancient Egyptians had left it 4300 years ago. When the lid was raised, we found the mummy of a man covered with gold leaf," the team said in a statement posted on the Facebook page of Zahi Hawass, a former minister of antiquities who led the team that made the discoveries.

However, while other news outlets are reporting that this is the oldest Egyptian mummy known to archaeologists, that's not the case. Rather, "This mummy is the oldest complete mummy covered with gold," Hawass said in an email.

Many Egyptologists agree Egypt became unified around 3100 B.C., when the pharaonic state started. However, humans lived in the region as far back as 400,000 years ago. The oldest embalmed mummy in Egypt predates the pharaohs; the remains of a man who was placed in a fetal pose about 6,000 years ago. Meanwhile, the oldest known mummy in the world may be the 8,000-year-old remains of a man found in Portugal.

There is little information about Hekashepes, but it appears that "he was wealthy," Hawass said. Hekashepes' mummy was mummified using artificial methods, is intact and is covered with gold. There are older ancient Egyptian mummies — such as several mummies that date back more than 5,000 years at the site of Gebelein, about 25 miles (40 kilometers) south of ancient Thebes (modern-day Luxor) — but those are not covered with gold.

According to images posted online of Hekashepes' remains, it appears that his mummy is wearing clothes and doesn't have bandages, Francesco Tiradritti, an Egyptology professor at the Kore University of Enna in Italy who was not involved with these excavations, said in an email. The deceased seems like he was buried wearing a tunic with a belt and large necklace. This may be an attempt "to preserve as much as the living appearance of the deceased," Triadritti said, something that might shine light on religious beliefs at the time this man died.

Tomb with paintings

Another important tomb belongs to a man named "Khnumdjedef" who was an "inspector of the officials," who served the pharaoh Unas (ruled circa 2353 B.C. to 2323 B.C.), according to hieroglyphic inscriptions found in the tomb. His tomb was decorated with wall paintings depicting "scenes of daily life," the statement said. One painting depicts five jars lined up on top of what looks like a table.

From a released photo, it appears that some of the paintings were drawn with "elongated proportions," Tiradritti said. Paintings with elongated proportions became popular long after Khnumdjedef lived, during the First Intermediate Period (circa 2150 B.C. to 2030 B.C.), Tiradritti said. During the First Intermediate Period, a transitional time between the Old Kingdom and the Middle Kingdom, the region experienced a major drought, the central government in Egypt collapsed and the political structure changed.

The newly found paintings "are interesting to understand the evolution of [Egyptian art]," Tiradritti said.

More tombs

Another tomb found in the cemetery belonged to an official named "Meri," whose hieroglyphic inscriptions say held a number of titles, including "keeper of the secrets" and "assistant of the great leader of the palace."

Another tomb belongs to a priest, whose name may have been "Messi," alongside his wife. It contains nine statues, some of which represent servants and one that represents the priest and his wife.

Additionally, the archaeologists found a shaft 33 feet (10 meters) deep that had a stone sarcophagus belonging to a man named "Fetek" at the bottom. He was buried along with three stone statues depicting him as well as an offering table.

Royal transition

From the information released so far, "it looks like the Egyptian mission found a necropolis that can be related to the pyramid of [Unas] and his cult," Tiradritti said. Unas was the last king of the fifth dynasty and it's possible that the newly found tomb may shed light on the transition between the fifth and sixth dynasties of Egypt, Tiradritti said.

After Unas died, a pharaoh named Teti (circa 2323 B.C. to 2291 B.C.), who was not a son of Unas and may have married into the royal family, came to the throne, starting the sixth dynasty. "The reasons for a changing in the royal line is still only a matter of guess," Tiradritti said. The tombs may also help understand Egypt's economy at this time, Tiradritti added, noting that Egyptologists usually see this as being a time of economic decline for Egypt.

By Owen Jarus.

#The Oldest Known Ancient Egyptian Mummy that is Covered with Gold Discovered #Saqqara #Hekashepes #Zahi Hawass #archeology #archeolgst #ancient mummy #ancient grave #3ancient tomb #ancient artifacts #history #history news #ancient history #ancient culture #ancient civilizations #ancient egypt #egyptian history

[the-manors-writer]

im a bit goofy :D

can i req andrew n aesop with a s/o (gn) who knew them in the past and when they meet again its just kind of like. cute bc they missed eachother greatly. perhaps a confession even giggle

I may have gotten a little ham with this request so enjoy I suppose :). - Mod Aesop

Request: Andrew and Aesop with s/o who they've met in the past

Pairing: [Andrew Kreiss] Gravekeeper and [Aesop Carl] Embalmer x gn!reader

Warnings: None

Andrew Kreiss and Aesop Carl

Was everything truly a mere coincidence? To think they'd meet you at a place like this.. Forever trapped within it's walls, forced to play it's games.

Aesop and Andrew didn't think they would see the other in the manor as well, it came as a shock when they laid eyes upon each other for the first time again in a long time.

There were two then. Now there were three. When you made yourself known to everyone, those two stared at you with a look one normally wouldn't see on their faces.

Aesop approached you first when everyone finally left, followed by Andrew soon after. Both men pulled you into their arms for a tight embrace as their warmth and scent filled your senses.

You missed them dearly and so have they. To think you'd end up here as they have since a long time now.

They looked so much different and yet the same. Andrew was much taller now, Aesop? Well Aesop looks like how he was back then, though a bit older and mature one could say.

With you around, Andrew was much talkative and active - A smile is always on his pale face now, cheeks occasionally flushing a light rosy tint.

Aesop on the other hand, preferred to sit by and listen to the conversation. Occasionally joining in with his quiet laughters or knowledge of certain topics.

Everything felt livelier now between the three of you, with you around. The two most soft-spoken and timid survivors of the manor were now seen almost everywhere.

Of course, everywhere and anywhere with you, literally clinging next to you and caging you between both of their slightly taller frames.

The down side to this for them, was having to experience the pain of not being able to protect you.

You would always return fine, without scratches but it hurts them each time anyways.

Same could be said for you to them during matches, but you know they'll be fine so you aren't as worried as they are.

Though of course the up side to this is being the trio that you guys have always been in the past. Everything was happy and sunshines for the most part.

You are literally the light to their darkness and it was more than clear to anyone else.

Both men loves dumping their flower collection at you, mostly consisting of yellow roses and irises of course!

You're not sure why they do it but you love collecting them anyways so it's a win-win for both sides.

Andrew and Aesop knows that the other has a crush on you - One would think they'd have an argument and the trio would then break.

However the two survivors have came to an agreement to perhaps.. Share you. It's really not too bad of an idea after all.

And so, they've been acting a little.. More touchy and affectionate at times. You questioned it to yourself but never verbally to them.

You'd like to think it's their way of telling you just oh how much they've missed you.

That went on for a long while, a very long time.

Fancily wax sealed letters then appeared at your doorstep one day, there were no name of the sender.

They were filled with poetic words, usually short and just enough to make you smile.

Then came the long one, the paper was filled with tons of words, only then have you finished the confession of a letter - There at the bottom was the sender's initials.

Or well two of them. Realisation hits you and you hurry off to find them.

Andrew loves cuddling you in bed at night, sometimes he's the little spoon, other times he's the big spoon.

Aesop on the other hand would rather not initiate in a cuddle session just yet, perhaps some time in the future when he has gotten more use to this romantic polyamorous relationship.

Though, he is alright with holding hands with you, without his gloves. It took him a while as well but it was worth the wait!

Aesop is always the first one to awake from his slumber, followed by Andrew and then you.

Andrew at times would continue staying in bed with you though, mostly to continue cuddling you and keep you warm.

And if you're lucky enough, he'll even pepper soft kisses all over your face. A great feeling to awake from, no?

[ art credit - unknown ]

#headcanon.txt #letters.txt #anon.txt #identity v #identity v x reader #identity v writing #idv #idv x reader #idv writing #andrew kreiss #andrew kreiss idv #andrew kreiss identity v #andrew kreiss x reader #idv andrew #identity v andrew #gravekeeper #gravekeeper idv #gravekeeper identity v #gravekeeper x reader #idv gravekeeper #identity v gravekeeper #aesop carl #aesop carl idv #aesop carl identity v #aesop carl x reader #idv aesop #identity v aesop #embalmer #embalmer idv #embalmer identity v

[architectuul]

Magnetic Attraction

Wandering around Paseo del Prado in Madrid, on an area named as the Golden Triangle of Art with the vertices settled at the Prado Thyssen-Bornemisza Reina Sofía museums – furthermore can be found a singular smaller museum The Caixa Forum (in a literal translation a bank safe-box), designed by Herzog & de Meuron symbolically inaugurating the new millennium with grandiloquent aspirations at the Spanish capital. 

Belonging to a banking company, also converted into an arts patronage foundation, that novel and emblematic museum’s building assumes the character of a bank safe-box in which those cultural investments are deposited, preserved as tax-exempt financial assets, and also being exposed to the public. Since the Renaissance and baroque the subjective high value of art-works began to be used for those purposes, also being increased and magnified by a competitive furore between capital cities as “attractive poles” for “finantial investors”.

Those attractive aspirations seem to be implicitly figured in the character of the building, both conceptually and materially, a magnet as its authors characterised it: “The CaixaForum is conceived as an urban magnet attracting not only art-lovers but all people of Madrid and from outside. The attraction will not only be CaixaForum’s cultural program, but also the building itself, insofar that its heavy mass, is detached from the ground in apparent defiance of the laws of gravity and, in a real sense, draws the visitors inside.”

Being sealed to the outside-world in all exhibition floors, also justified for avoiding natural lighting due to conservation requests of some art-works, the building merely opens fiscally and visually to the city respectively below and up: by the street level, where all that constructive mass rises up as if levitating, for sitting a discrete entry below; and on the rooftop, in the restaurant and cafeteria, opening to the panoramic views over the city.

The intended magnetic character of the building, starting at the street level and driving the visitors to the inside of that massive corps(e) –lodged and filling an ancient industrial building, like an embalmed corpse, of which only his bricks skin remains– by walking through a short but in-tense promenade, that leads to a cavernous public entrance and the following ascendance by those cinematic staircases as if levitating to the reception hall on the upper floor, are the subject and the focus of this short writing quest and of this photographic record. 

Cinematic motion in space (and in spatial) representation

A century before, Marcel Duchamp presented one of his most emblematic paintings "Nude Descending a Staircase, No. 1" (1911) and the version “No.2” (1912).

Marcel Duchamp's Nude Descending a Staircase, No. 1" (1911) © Philadelphia Museum of Art

At that time Duchamp’s work was ridiculed for not fitting either into futurism or at cubism movements. Against a dark background the figure is represented by multiple triangles with hinges, trailed through a sequence of overlaid images like frozen in time (photograms / frames) transmitting the impression of the descending movement of a body, traversing a given space –a fragmentary representation of a staircase. 

Marcel Duchamp's Nude Descending a Staircase (No. 2), 1912 © Philadelphia Museum of Art

On one hand appears to be a cubist representation with multi overlayed viewpoints, at the represented background space of action. On the other hand it re-presents a trailed figure with a vibrant combination of reflected lights and projected shadows emphasizes a futurist motion action. Despite those allusions, the alluded motion is not linear as in the futurism speedy representations but rather circular, as an elliptical motion on space over time –as well can be seen on the vertical accesses of the museum – more in accordance with an oriental conception of space-time that just was admitted in Western culture after Einstein’s theory of relativity (first proposed in 1905) with the refutation of an absolute linearity of space and time.

Eadweard Muybridge's Animal Locomotion: Plate 92 (Nude Woman Ascending Staircase), 1887 © Huxley-Parlour

Those Duchamp art-works seems also to be implicitly in line with the primordial photographic studies on locomotion behind the beginnings of cinema, still so far as in 19th Century, mainly with Eadweard Muybridge’s female nude motion study (Woman walking downstairs, 1887) or the Horse Racing (1887) considered the first movie ever, based on the zoetrope and praxinoscope animations, or as well with the wonderful works of Étienne-Jules Marey on cinematic movement of different animals including man. 

The Horse in Motion by Eadweard Muybridge show a sequential series of six to twelve "automatic electro-photographs" depicting the movement of a horse (1878).

Nearby Caixa Forum, crossing the great avenue just 500m away at Museo Nacional del Prado, can be found a major painting of Diego Velazquez, “Filipe IV, by horse” (1635), in which the horse's legs are represented with a sequence of faded frames alluding to motion in space-time, on that two-dimensional representation. Leonardo da Vinci on a commissioned project for an equestrian monument (1482) also produced a series of study sketches (1488-90) with a cinematic like representation of a horse, trough overlapping layers.

At Caixa Forum’s staircases not a simple person multiplies in mirror reflections while ascending or descending, as in the magnific Loos Haus staircases in Vienna (also completed in 1912 like the described Duchamp’s painting), but rather the stairs and surrounding walls de-composing materially in space (with multiple folds and angles) as well perceptually in the promenade’s time with a changing game between tangible matter (steps, and steel walls bent into triangles) and the given illusion by reflection of lights, shadows, and color nuances, while as/descending that staircase.

#architecture photography

[thegodthief]

The good thing about being a lucid dreamer: No matter what is happening, you know it's a dream and that you're going to wake up, eventually.

The bad thing about being a lucid dreamer: Super fidelity experiences, to the point where they feel more real than the memories that spawned them.

This didn't happen. This is a mashup of memories, but this didn't happen. My fellow church goers are kneeling around me as I'm laid out on the bench seat. It has been decades and I see their faces as clear as the day I walked away. They lay their hands on me, on my arms, on my legs, on my feet, on my shoulders, on my face. The pastor proceeding over this matter tells them to ignore any sound I make because the possession has me in full and until I am purged, nothing I do can be trusted.

She did say that a lot after I called her father out, didn't she. She tells them to pray for the release of my spirit, even if it took killing the flesh so that my soul could be whole. And she said that, too. I stuck around for how long? Bloody hell.

The fit threatening to dismantle my joints is quiet this time. Just a lot of contortions and muscle cramping from the demand to hold longer than the body has reserves to fuel. It's very unsettling to look at. The odd croaking and cracking from my mouth doesn't help. If they would just leave me alone, the fit will work itself out in just a few minutes and then I can rest.

But they don't leave me alone. I have no medical history of epilepsy, after all. When the fits started, I was encouraged to seek medical help, until that night I fell into trance at a home session and said some things about the head pastor that made all the dogs howl. Just because I was right didn't mean I had the right to say it, except he had been herding me into leaning into it. He kept telling me that as long as I was yielding to holy authority that it was okay to let go, okay to let the power flow, okay to be used as a mouthpiece for something that terrified me each time I felt it approaching.

It was okay until he heard something he didn't want to hear and now it's not okay and the mongrel has to be chased out before the disease spreads.

The fit eases and I'm able to move at will. Well, as much as I can with the twelve people pushing against me to hold me in place. I look up and see the glint of polished steel. A... Dagger?! Well that never happened ever! She's holding a dagger over me while preaching to the gathered congregation about the necessity of throwing the flesh to the flames of hell so the spirit can be saved. But I know I'm dreaming, so I try to see which memory this is a riff of.

In a flash I remember the memory represented by the dagger. The cold steel would hurt less. What will not yield to power, will be destroyed by power. She lays a hand on my chest and a lightning bolt flashes through the ceiling, through the suspended dagger, and into my chest, shattering my awareness.

The burial cloth is tight against my dead body, holding me in place. I am angry because they didn't bother to complete the rites and embalm me. So desperate to get rid of the seed of dissension that they skip treating the flesh in lieu of sealing the spirit in a leaking vessel. This didn't happen. I'm dead? Da fuq? Oh yea, dreaming still.

But it did happen, just not physically. I didn't have fits until I started going to that church, and it has taken a lot of work to undo the bindings and mental damage inflicted upon me there. In a way, they did succeed in killing me. I guess it's a good thing their burial rites were as shallow as their faith.

But why am I dreaming this now? Why like this?

My wrapped body lies still in a shallow grave dug in a ditch just off the dirt crossroads. One path is the back way to get to that church, but the intersecting path didn't physically exist. Without sight, I know that this area is visible from the back doors of the church, but only if you know where to look. They buried me here as a warning to the others.

Day becomes night. While I know I am dreaming, I have not attempted to free myself from the bindings, the grave, or the dream. Too many wounds in my soul have been ripped open and I am struggling not to suffocate in them.

In the sky, a figure ascends even as they descend. Forever suspended between heaven and earth, they watch. With my dream-sight, I see them and I am transfixed upon their being. They reveal themselves to my horror and I become as stone in my fright.

"How long do you intend to lie there, [Redacted]?"

I remember. I remember everything. I remember all that happened between the brutal beatings exorcisms in that church to what happened before I went to bed last night. All of it.

"Rot. Or not. But choose before the choice is made for you."

I feel the decaying burial cloth tighten around my thickening body. My death is being unwound and the fluids lost from decay are solidifying into flesh and veins again. Just because this was my past, doesn't mean it has to remain my present.

I have everything I need to move on, to dig out of the grave they left me in, to get away from the fate they wanted for me. I just have to accept it and go.

I am suddenly more afraid by the choice than I am by the one offering it. What will happen to me if I choose to live?

"You will be made a sacrifice, same as if you didn't. But you choose what you will sacrifice yourself for. That is the difference."

I'm so tired. So very tired. Tired of fighting for the right to sit in the same room, to be seen as an equal, to be regarded as anything but a plaything and a toy, to BREATHE. If I remain in this grave, I won't have to fight ever again.

But I know that not all dead are at rest. Every time I yielded control to someone who promised to protect me in life, I was made into a fetish by the one I yielded to and forced to fight for my freedom.

Not this time.

Not ever again.

I said nothing to the figure above me. Instead, I pushed out with reformed arms and dug up with filth stained hands until I was able to rip the soggy remains of the burial cloth from my face and fill my lungs with the sharp currents of the cold night air.

I looked up to the sky and saw them hanging from the stars. Their visage terrified me and comforted me at the same time.

"I choose to live."

"Then get up and go, [Redacted]. Leave this grave, and those who put you here, behind."

I pulled myself out of the shallow grave completely. My naked body was stained by the scars of exorcisms and marked by the mud I was reformed from.

I stood there, unsteady on remade feet, and looked down the path to the building that I know no longer exists and a field that was paved over a few years after I left. I knew I was dreaming, but I also knew I had to start leaving the past in the grave it dug for itself or I would be buried in it again and again.

I turned to look down the path that never was. The landscape shifted and rewove itself even as I attempted to fix it with my gaze. "Welp, the only way out is through." I stumbled from the grave onto the uneven and rocking ground that was the crossroads and then with great determination, left the crossroads along the path that never was.

The moment my feet left the path of my memories, the dream collapsed around me and I knew nothing more.

#dream #To say that I am a bundle of fury rage and sorrow is a vast understatement. #I have so many more words and none of them can be written.

[scourge-lover]

Presents

Presents for Winter’s Veil

Today was the day. 

“Presents! Presents!” Chompers cackled as she ran around in circles. Arthas stood there as she circled him energetically. She wore a little red hat over her ears. Her little paws clawed at Arthas’s leg. He reached down to try and shoo her away, but Chompers started at his hand before quickly chomping down on it.

“Ow!” Arthas hissed out. Chompers then licked his hand apologetically. Arthas picked her up and cradled her in his arms. Her little tail wagged.

Arthas sat down in the Shadow Throne and looked at the offensive tree sitting smack in the middle of the floor seal. It was ten feet tall, with wide branches that made the whole room smell of pine. While not the biggest tree found in the Grizzly Hills, it had been impressive enough to cut down and use. Lights of blue, green, red and yellow glittered amongst the needles.

Glass ornaments hung from most of the tree. Chompers broke most of the ones in the lower branches, so the first two feet of the tree was bare of decoration. 

Piles of presents covered the base of the tree. Most of them were wrapped by Sapphire, which meant they were wrapped poorly. Bows were haphazardly tied around a few and it seemed Sapphire had given up for the rest. 

“Presents! Presents!” 

Arthas groaned as Sapphire came running into the throne room, ornaments swaying from her antlers. Ethan came rushing after her. Sapphire rushed toward Arthas.

“Present time!” Sapphire screamed.

“I get the point,” Arthas grunted. 

Ethan gave Arthas a smile before nodding. “I think we’ve waited long enough. Chompers, you can start.”

Chompers hopped out of Arthas’s arms and sprinted toward the tree. She snatched up one box with her mouth and shook it like a rat, tearing the bright green wrapping paper of it. She clawed open and pulled out a teddy bear.

“Yes, a victim!” She said savagely. 

Sapphire picked up on of her own. “My turn!”

Almost as savagely as Chompers, Sapphire opened her present, revealing several pairs of socks.

“Oooh,” Sapphire said in awe. Chompers pulled out a bone from another of hers and immediately chomped onto it. 

As the two girls opened their presents, Falric and Marwyn finally joined them. 

“Sorry, there was a bunch of mistletoe over our door,” Marwyn said mischievously. 

Falric bared his teeth into a grin. “Can’t imagine how it got there.”

Chompers suddenly gasped and brandished a new knife.

“Cool!” She squeaked. Ethan looked on in horror and rushed over to take it away from her.

He looked at the three adult men. “Who got this for her???”

Arthas smiled. “No clue.”

Chompers hopped up and down in an attempt to take the knife from Ethan, but the boy was firm. He pocketed it out of her reach. Chompers stamped her little foot, but was distracted by Sapphire lifting up another present for her. 

Marwyn dug out a present for himself and Falric, then scowled in confusion. He picked up one of the messily wrapped present, with bright blue paper. He came over to Arthas.

“This is for you,” He said, holding it out. Arthas stared, uncomprehending. He took the present. It was heavy and shaped like a box. He slowly tore the wrapper off, finding it to be a painted wooden box with the Alliance lion carved into it.

Sapphire came over, looking a bit bashful. She clutched the moonkin plushie that Arthas had quickly gotten for her. 

“I know it’s not exactly what you asked for-”

Arthas tilted his head. “I don’t remember asking for anything.”

Her little blue eyes twinkled. 

“You did! Remember, after you drank all that embalming fluid and snapped at me.” 

Arthas opened the box’s clasp and lifted the lid. Dozens of little painted soldiers lined the inner velvet. Most of them looked like a typical member of Stormwind’s royal army. There were a few soldiers with epaulettes and unique helms that denoted rank. A few even looked like SI:7 agents.Some of the figurines were even gryphons with little riders. Arthas picked up the one that clearly was the General. 

“You asked for an army, one that is unyielding and tireless. I think little wooden soldier who don’t sleep count!” 

An unwelcome feeling came over him. Arthas tightened his grip onto the small toy, at risk of breaking it, but it was not anger. Sapphire crawled into his lap. She then pulled a red and white hat out from behind her back and put it on Arthas’s head and kissed him on the cheek.

“Happy Winter’s Veil! And thank you for Laurence!” Sapphire chirped, holding up her moonkin toy. She then slipped out of his lap and ran back over to where Chompers was sitting in a pile of chew toys. Sapphire pointed at one. Chompers said something, and Sapphire then picked up the rubbery toy and started chewing on it like a dog. Or a gnoll. Chompers held open a children’s book, filled with bright colors. 

Ethan pulled out some new fur lined gloves and immediately put them on. He smiled brightly. His smile looked very much like his mother’s.

Winter’s Veil was not the worst holiday it seemed.

#short story #fanfic #OC #Arthas Menethil

[heximagines]

Chapter Synopsis: As you begin preperations for Chrissy you consider your past with Eddie and the possible outcome of him being caught. These thoughts spur you to action. 

Chapter Warnings: corpses, medical, death, hard drug use allusion (can be skipped by only reading below the cut),  

2,266 words

a/n: 2 chapter day? 2 chapter day. 

Devil’s Claw, WA

December 12th, 1980

Your mother stood at the sink, the water running so hot it fogged the kitchen window in your icy home. The gas had been off for a few months now. You and Daniel watched her warily as her body sagged forward before jerking back up. “Is mom okay?” You looked up at your brother who only shook his head and turned to go back to his room without a word. Frowning you left the doorway to cross the kitchen and place a hand on your mother’s arm. She looked down at you with glazed eyes. “Mom, are you okay?” She gave no response, her body sagging forward again. This time the dish she’d been trying to wash slipped from her hand and shattered on the floor between the two of you. This seemed to temporarily startle her out of her stupor. You looked between her and the shattered plate and she did the same before rubbing a wet hand over her face, smearing her makeup. You watched as your mother backed away from the sink and with halted, jerky motions, stumbled off towards her room. You turned off the sink and grabbed the broom.

Eddie Munson, a name you hadn’t thought too much about since graduation, was now the talk of the town. While there was no official word from the police naming him as a suspect in Chrissy’s death they were looking for him. She’d been found dead in his trailer after all. You switched off the portable TV your uncle had placed in the prep room and gave Chrissy’s corpse your full attention. You decided to begin with her eyes. The sockets were empty, making her lids sag inwards like soup bowls. You grabbed 2 eye caps and a roll of cotton, you’d need to make up for what wasn’t there. As you set to work you could hear quiet footsteps approaching. You didn’t have to turn around to know that your little cousin, Violet, was now lingering in the doorway. “What’s up?” You didn’t look up from your work, stuffing tufts of cotton in Chrissy’s empty sockets. “Were you friends with Eddie Munson?” You shrugged your shoulders. “I didn’t know him well.” You heard the click of Violet’s ever present camera, the flash nearly undetectable under the harsh fluorescent lights. “Did he kill her?” The question actually made you snort. “No. He didn’t.” You listened as her polaroid spit out the photo she took and you glanced behind you to watch her place the picture in her bag to develop. “How do you know he didn’t?” “Because,” you turned back to the corpse, “what killed Chrissy wasn’t human.” “Riiiight,” Violet pursed her lips at you, “Just like Max’s brother.” “Bingo. And I’ll tell you something now, this girl won’t be the last and no bullshit curfew is going to stop what’s happening.” Seemingly satisfied with your answers Violet turned on her heels, mousy brown hair flipping over her shoulder as she did. “Don’t spend all night down here. Mom, put your dinner in the oven.” 

Once Chrissy’s features had been set, empty eyes sealed and gaping maw now closed in a neutral line, and her biological fluids drained and replaced with embalming fluid, you pulled the sheet back over her with a sigh. You’d delayed your dinner long enough. You climbed the stairs up from the basement setting course for the kitchen. As you did you thought back to high school for the first time in a long time. You’d transferred to Hawkins High in October of 1983. ‘Exactly a month before Will Byers went missing,’ your brain buzzed at you. You weren’t lying when you said that you didn’t know Eddie that well, but honestly you didn’t know anyone that well. You were uneager to make friends here. You kept to yourself at every possible turn, a task that Eddie Munson had been dead set on making impossible for you. Where most other people were eager to pick on you for being the new kid, or worse the creepy funeral home girl, Eddie was drawn effortlessly into your orbit. When he’d first sat down at your barren lunch table to ask you about the family business you were convinced he just wanted to pick on you, but when you looked up you were met with large brown eyes that sparkled with genuine interest. So you indulged him. No you weren’t Eddie’s friend, but you gladly answered all his questions and maybe, just maybe, you didn’t find his presence unwanted. You picked at your food with a frown. Wherever Eddie was now, you hoped he was okay. 

This thought kept you up the rest of the night, tossing and turning in your bed. You knew Eddie was no murderer but given his already bad reputation there was no doubt the police would pin it on him. How if anyone found out where he was, wherever he was, there would be a mob. Earlier that morning a young man pounded on the doors of the mortuary. When you answered he shoved you hard and darted in through the doors. “Where is she! Where’s Chrissy, I know she’s here!” he yelled. His wild eyes landed on the door to the basement stairs and he started forward. You cut him off and slammed the slightly opened door closed. “Whoa, whoa there! You can’t just barge in here like this!” The commotion drew the rest of your family into the foyer. The kid made a grab for you but your uncle quickly intervened, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and the arm. Violet was by your side in an instant and your aunt went to hold the door open as her husband escorted the intruder out. He kicked and flailed as your uncle shoved him outside, threatening to call the police. “Fuck you!” You watched as he kicked over an angel statue that adorned the front path and smashed it before jogging back towards a car full of other boys. After he was gone Violet told you all that he was Chrissy’s boyfriend. 

With a resigned sigh you threw your covers off and your bare feet met the chilly floor. You would not be sleeping tonight. Instead you took the steps down from your attic bedroom to a door that led directly into your office. Switching on a single lamp your eyes darted over the wall, as if suddenly a missing piece would fall into place. You leaned in to look at the yearbook photo of Eddie you’d cut out to add to the college, a club photo. Beside him stood a familiar face, you flipped through the yearbook until you located him. Gareth, during your senior year he was a sophomore. Yes, you remembered him, he’d hang around Eddie a lot. You wondered if he still did. You eye the clock on your wall. It was late but fuck it. You found the phone book and began to flip through it, however Gareth’s name was absent. You hummed to yourself, doing some quick math. It was likely that he hadn’t even graduated yet. So instead you found his last name. There were 3 numbers. You grabbed the phone and began dialing. The first came up empty with no answer. The second did answer but with the earful you received for calling so late you couldn’t get a word in edgewise before you were hung up on. Finally you called the last number. As it rang you anxiously chewed the end of your thumb. It didn’t take very long for a confused but not overtly hostile voice to come over the line. “Hello?” “Hi, sorry to be calling so late, I was hoping I could speak to Gareth?” “This is him. Who is this?” It took a little to jog his memory but Gareth did indeed remember you too. You explained to him your theories as much as you could without sounding completely insane and to your immense relief he told you that you weren’t the only person worried about Eddie and that others were looking to help him too. “So, you think that Chrissy died of natural causes?” You chewed your lower lip, “Not exactly, but I don’t think there is any possible way that Eddie did this. Unless he’s gained super strength or psychic powers since we last talked. There’s not even any self defense wounds on her. It just… It makes no sense.” After a long pause Gareth spoke to you in a quiet voice, “Okay listen, I think I might know where Eddie is. I’m not positive though. Honestly, I’d rather not know where he is at all. But if you find him, promise me you’re not gonna turn him in.” Your own voice dropped even though you were most definitely alone. “I totally get it man. I promise I only want to help. I won’t turn him in.” You could hear Gareth swallow on the other end. “Do you know Reefer Rick?”  

  You placed a 20 dollar bill and a bottle of Advil on the counter of the gas station and the attendant eyed you, still dressed in a hoodie and sleep shorts. “The rest on pump 6 please.” “Anything else, miss?” After a short pause you nod, “Yeah, and a pack of Marlboro reds too.” He turns to grab your cigarettes down from the wall. “You work over at the mortuary don’t you? I remember you from my aunt’s funeral a while back.” He scanned the cigarettes before passing them off to you and taking your cash.  “Must be a real stressful job, especially in a small place like this… Where we all know each other.” You didn’t need him to clarify. You knew what he meant. “It’s easier when you stick to yourself.” You give him a tight lipped smile, “Good night.” You rush back to your car and you see the attendant watch you from the window as you gas up and take off in the direction of Lover’s Lake.  

As your beat up Cavalier puttered up the laneway to Rick’s house you cut your headlights to avoid drawing attention. You knew he wasn’t home, he was in jail, locked up for possession with intent to sell just months before. You exit the car and begin to circle around the building. There are no signs of movement or life inside, but that didn’t mean Eddie wasn’t here. You turn your head and notice that tucked behind the house is a smaller boathouse. Curiously enough the light out front is turned on. Sure maybe Rick didn’t have time to shut it off with being arrested and all but you had a gut feeling. You returned to your car and searched your glove box for a pen before reaching to the floor of your car and grabbing a crushed and empty pack of cigarettes. You scrawl a note across the foil wrap inside and fold it down, you then fold a corner up and leave a small doodle there to draw attention. Ripping open your new pack you place a handful of cigarettes in the old one. Finally you take the pen and tuck it between the cellophane and the box. If people were going to believe that Rick had forgotten a light on, chances were maybe he’d forget a mostly empty pack of cigarettes too. You light one for yourself and tug your hood up  before getting back out of the car and quietly making your way to the boat house. As you approach the door you’re almost positive you hear movement from inside, though it could just be a raccoon you try to reason with yourself. You place the pack of cigarettes casually by the door and hesitate before giving a small knock. You don’t wait for an answer, instead you turn around and quickly jog back to your car. You climb in and drive off, you weren’t trying to stick around and possibly scare an already vulnerable man. But as you drive you can’t help but glance in your rear view. You saw the door crack open and a hand emerged to grab the cigarettes. 

Eddie pulled a cigarette from a worn in pack and placed it between his lips, lighting it. “Well, looks like you guys aren’t the only ones who think I’m innocent.” The group eyed each other warily, having just returned from grabbing supplies. “How do you know?” Max asked. Eddie held up the pack and shook it as he took a long drag. “These were left for me last night.” He flipped the top back open, first showing them a little doodle on the insert then he flipped the foil up to reveal a note written in delicate swirling letters. ‘I know you didn’t do it.’ “And,” he reached into his back pocket to pull out the pen, handing it to Max “this.” Max turned the pen over in her hand and read it. “Hawkin’s Mortuary?” She looked over to Dustin, “You know Violet? Her family owns this place.” “I know her cousin,” Eddie cut in, “We were supposed to graduate the same year. She works there now.” Robin gripped Eddie’s shoulder and shook him lightly, looking almost as relieved as he felt. “Look at that! You still have friends.” “Yeah, I guess I do.” He looked down at the note for likely the thousandth time since you’d left it and recalled how you ran back to your car. For the first time since he’d witnessed Chrissy’s death Eddie allowed himself a small smile.         

PART 3

#Hell is a Small Town #eddie munson #eddie munson x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine

[olightsource]

Helen design notes. Where Hell Ends is one of several creatures that antagonize the village in thee mountains. It is said to be an oni, however scientifically, she has DNA that is in close relation to many land lizards. She exhibits complex comprehension, classifying her intelligence level very close to humans but still quite low. She is incapable of speech, however can mimic few human sounds if trained.

"Helen" is almost always crouched over as this is most comfortable for her, but standing upright is not impossible for her and can be done on occasion to find food in large trees. Her hair is loose and spiky, almost like a bush. Physically, Helen is extremely cut, rocking large defined biceps and a full 8 pack. Anatomically speaking, she is mostly humanoid save for her lack of ears that are replaced with 4 fin-like appendages. She also has 3 clawed toes instead of a traditional human foot. This paired with her tail give her a very lizard-like appearance.

Her horns are made of hard bone but are covered in flesh, so she is able to feel any physical harm done to them. Her tusks are large and protrude out her surprisingly full lips. Said lips are often painted purplish-pink from the berries she eats.

The Village has chained her down numerous times in hopes of finding ways to penetrate her hide. In one of these endeavors, they managed to pierce one of her ear/fins with a chain making it look like an earring when broken away from the rest of links. After being nursed to health by a good sanitarian, she was covered in bandages soaked in balm around the larger scars on her body.

Her vagina is home to a creature known as the Jelly Rabbit. At an undetermined time, it took up residence in her body and since then has refused to leave. The creature itself is one of immense power, and in fear of bringing about calamity, the villagers sealed it in the oni's body using an embalmed leaf. The leaf itself is enchanted, making it so the oni can perform acts such as urinating and reaching orgasm without the the beast inside slipping free. It gets by on the liquids of the oni'd body and excretes via urination when she does. If the seal should break, the Jelly Rabbit will "undo" it's destruction using its powers being that it has become extremely comfortable in it's new home.

Due to her faces lack of features to fully emote, I usually draw Helen with a face bubble nearby that conveys the emotion she's really trying to show. I wanted Helen's face to be very unconventional/beastly in contrast to her voluptuous+built body.

#helen #oc #ref #where hell ends #oni #demon #titan

[gwenataraxia]

"Let’s play Devil's advocate and say for arguments sake that there really was a Jesus who was crucified. Using the bibles own words and what we know of Roman practice, here is why the resurrection could have never happened.

Death from crucifixion normally took several days but Matthew 27:46 says "Jesus" was taken down after only six hours and Luke 23:44-46 says he was taken down after only three hours. This suggests that the person being referred to as Jesus did not actually die from crucifixion but only appeared to be dead. Even Pontius Pilate in Mark 15:44 doubts that the man being crucified could already be dead so soon and the soldiers had to break the legs of the other two men to speed up their deaths before the Sabbath day.

We also know according to the story in the bible that the person referred to as Jesus was not clinically dead anyway when he was taken to the sealed tomb since the herbs Joseph of Arimathea brought to the tomb were aloes (John 19:39-40). These are healing herbs, not embalming herbs. There is no reason for such herbs if someone is already dead. The original Greek scriptures speak of a resuscitation, not a resurrection, and the person was simply resuscitated with the healing herbs and not resurrected from the dead as most Churches preach today. After being healed and resuscitated the “man” in the story likely fled and spent the rest of his life hiding from the Romans which is why the tomb was discovered empty. This scenario makes much more sense than a dead corpse (of a deity no less) coming back to life, walking around while zombies leapt from their graves amidst an earthquake (Matt 27:52). Of course, the story only proves once again that it came from a very fertile imagination since the Roman’s never took down the bodies they crucified anyway. These rotting corpses were in almost every case, left to the animals and the elements to be viewed by the citizenry as a warning.

“Despite the fact that the ancient Jewish historian Josephus, as well as other sources, refer to the crucifixion of thousands of people by the Romans, there is only a single archaeological discovery of a crucified body dating back to the Roman Empire around the time of Jesus, which was discovered in Jerusalem. However, it is not surprising that there is only one such discovery, because a crucified body was usually left to decay on the cross and therefore would not be preserved.” New World Encyclopedia

Add in the fact that the "ascension" to Heaven was never a part of the earliest copies of the gospels and it becomes obvious that the entire story is a Christian myth that could have never happened even when taking much of the bible at face value." - Michael Binetti

#religion #christianity #belief in jesus

[inventors-fair]

Tapping the Vein Commentary

This was such a weird contest. The request was something very specific that every player is familiar with, but at the same time isn’t very popular. This was one of the first times I ended up picking winners more because they fit the contest than that they were particularly well designed. The goal was to make a constructed-playable creature with a tap ability while still feeling like a tap ability, and I don’t know how well that came across.

There were a few trends I noticed. First, there was a ton of vigilance. I think that was people’s way of trying to find something to interact with vigilance, though I was a little saddened by it because it removes one of the core aspects about tapping. It also doesn’t affect constructed viability that much, since you’re usually either playing it for the tap ability or not, and attacking isn’t common. Realtedly, lots of white cards. I guess just because white likes to be fair, and giving your opponent time to react seems fair. Also also, lots of white 2/3s. What a weirdly common trait. There were also a lot of uncommons, which I don’t wuite understand. That’s been happening a lot lately, but I wish I had seen more rares to really seal the fact that they were meant for constructed.

So with that, on to commentary!

@ahhnutbunnies​ - Devoted Reanimator

Art direction: Scene is a dim ceremonial chamber, mood is mysterious and reverent. A thin Ibis-like Aven in white robes stands over a table, on the table is the impression of a body covered by a sheet. The Aven holds one hand open palm down above the body, the other hand holds a bundle of burning herbs, the smoke swirls around the aven and towards the covered body.

This reminds me of those cards you see in core sets or returns to planes where they can’t just use an ability so they have to spell it out. Part of me wishes you had just given the creature embalm to makes things simpler and trigger “when you embalm” effects, but there aren’t as many of those as I thought, and you probably made the right decision anyhow. I’m a little worried about how it skirts past color restrictions, but not any more than any other reanimation effect. I also like how you indirectly support white as the low-mana-value reanimator color because the embalming gets cheaper the cheaper the creature. You aren’t using this to cheat out a reanimator target, you’re just using it for value. Honestly, the ability feels good. The only thing I think it really needed, even at rare, is to be sorcery speed. I don’t think this is the sort of thing you’re going to want players activating at instant speed to block with, nor do you want to let players wait until right before they untap so they can utilize their creature immediately. The body is also something I’m not fond of. Flying feels very strange here. Maybe it’s just a flavor thing, since I think of reanimation being a very down-to-earth thing in white, but I also can’t really see using this as a flying blocker or to get in damage. Perhaps the other reason for that is it’s cost. A 2/3 for 4 is pretty flimsy, and the flying doesn’t help as much as you’d think. It can’t block much by that point in the game, on the ground or in the air, so it’s just going to sit there and wait to activate. I think it could maybe be a mana cheaper, or have greater toughness. I still like the card as a whole. Make it sorcery speed and toy the with body a bit and you’ve got something real good. I think the basis of it is spot on.

@azathoth-the-bored​ - Long tongue Mole

Art Direction: A large, brown mole with a frog mouth and eyes sits in hole, stareing ahead with a blank expression, feathers are sticking out of its mouth.

I understand where you were going with this card, but I think you took green’s interaction with damage a little too much at face value. Tapping to deal damage to a flyer is probably fine. We’ve see a few cards with this effect, and when it’s all the creature does, that feels fine, if a little weak. Tapping to fight a creature is not really how green is supposed to work. Repeatable fighting is something that WotC has been trying to avoid because of how close it gets to removal, especially on big creatures. Ulvenwald Tracker was about the best we got. Most other repeatable fight effects on creatures are tied to something very specific, like casting another creature or a werewolf transforming. This creature, though, is just a bit too close to tap: destroy target creature. At that point it kind of stops feeling like a green card. I like how you juxtaposed the two types of fighting by pairing the better form with the more appropriate target, but I think the second option is breaking the color pie too much and is dangerous to print.

@bread-into-toast​ - Miservines

This is such a unique card effect, and I think it’s really cool. It’s caring about something that is very rare. It feels like it’s a green thing to care about, but the effect it generates is blue. The tap ability is one of those things where it’s completely optional, and clearly the deck is going to try and trigger the top ability elsewhere, and the bottom one is a failsafe. That top ability is so dependant on format that it makes this card hard to judge. If scrabbling claws or relic of progenitus is in the format, this is absolutely crushing. If not, maybe the effect only triggers once or twice every turn in a dedicated deck. That’s still super annoying to play against, but maybe a good creature deck can overcome it. I also wish there weren’t so many weird cases where it’s confusing if it counts or not, like how flashback doesn’t trigger it but embalm does, but that’s not really your fault. I think what could have helped this card stick to what it’s trying to do is either a “once per turn” or “one or more cards” or even just specifying a graveyard. I think this card needed something to dial back on that trigger to make it not se easy to just blank your opponents attacks the whole game. If you make a change like that, then the card feels more complete and less like a trigger and some other stuff. I love how these two abilities interact, I just wish there was more of a reason to focus on it. Oh, and another mod pointed out to me that the flavor text is very very good.

@demimonde-semigoddess - Kaalia’s Informant

Exalted is a really clever way to encourage a tap ability. It means you’ve got a reason to not attack with it and therefore can more easily justify using the tap ability. The tap ability itself is an interesting one. The best use for it is saving a creature, as with most self-bounce effects in white, but the little bit of scrying is cool. It’s also a failsafe in case the thing you were going to bounce gets removed or something. However, I think it plays poorly with exalted. If you’re going to save a creature, it’s probably because it was attacking. If you only attacked with one creature, you’re negating a whole attack step. If you’re bouncing a non-attacking creature, you’re missing out on the free attack it otherwise would have gotten, since you’re going to bounce it anyway. Speaking of, I worry a bit about how good this could be in a blink deck, but that’s less your fault and more based on how good ETB triggers are right now. Still, maybe add a little mana to the activation cost? And on that note, I feel like the creature could be cheaper. If you’re mainly playing this for the tap ability, then you don’t really care about it being a 2/3, but you do care about it being three mana. Maybe drop it to two and make it a 1/3? Or maybe make it bigger, like a 1/4. Something to help keep it around. 2/3 is just such an awkward size.

@dimestoretajic​ - Bloodsource Gestalt

So, a blood creature is a good way to enter this week’s contest, but that first ability is really distracting me. It is not something black red should be allowed to do. It’s straight card advantage without any sort of alternate payment like losing life. This card also is missing blood’s signature ability. It’s not inherent to the type, you need to spell it out, like on gingerbrute or parcel myr. I think the actual tap ability it does have is fine, but nothing special. There’s lots of more fun, creative, and synergistic ways to make blood tokens, whereas just tapping a creature kind of limits the potential. I wish it had some condition on it or something to make it more interesting. Right now you’re only playing this for that bonkers, color-breaking first ability.

@fractured-infinity​ - Watchful Trapper

Trapper, more like tapper! I jest. This card is pretty cool. Vigilance plus a tap ability is always cool, and having one that affects combat is especially cool. The two abilities are cool ways to make the card act both green and white, along with the two evergreen abilities which are white and green. I think there may be a little too much overlap on the activated abilities. A lot of the time they’re going to act very similarly. However, the more I thought about it, I could see when it matters. Obviously the white one is good when they only have one blocker or you need to get through with other creatures, and the green one is good for picking off utility creatures or times where firs strike will matter… or to make that creature not block one of your other creatures. Lastly, I’ll say the power level is a bit of a miss on this card. This card feels like it’s straight out of khans block, but creatures have gotten a little more efficient since then. I think this could have probably been four mana, especially if it was 1WWG, which I think matches the fact that this card feels more white than green. As a whole, I like this card. It’s cute, it’s quaint, and it really brings me back. I hope that doesn’t come across as a complaint, it just means that this card needs a bit more to keep up with today’s game, but still feels very much like a magic card. I don’t do judge picks but if I did this might be one.

@gollumni​ - Naktamun Repairsman

I like this card, though it’s a shame MH2 beat you to the punch with sac abilities and unearth. Still, this is different enough from Priest of the Fell Rites that I don’t think you’re stepping on toes. I think reanimating the artifact tapped is almost not necessary, both because artifacts usually can’t block, and because you need the mana to do it and have to wait a turn, so it’s not like you’re surprising anyone. With unearth you are, but either that is already in the graveyard so they still see it coming, or you’ve put it in the graveyard the same turn as you’ve unearthed and activated it. If that’s the case, you’ve earned that untapped artifact! I think the body on this guy could afford to be a little bigger, maybe four toughness, but other than that I think this card is fine. It’s maybe playable depending on what’s in the format, but I think it maybe needed something else going for it to really make it there.

@grornt​ - Caprin Sky Steward

Short, sweet, and to the point. It’s also quite good. A lot of players underestimated outlast, and I think you may be one of them. This card can so easily get in for damage, then when it no longer can, pumps itself up for a very small amount of mana so it can get in for more later. This would be an absolute house in most limited environments. For reference, in MH2 there was a 2/2 for 2 with outlast and reach but lifelink instead of vigilance. Vigilance I think is a little stronger on an outlast creature, so yeah, I’m saying this card is maybe stronger than an MH2 card. Playing this on turn two could snowball really hard. I think making this a 1/2 might have done enough to curb its power, but right now I think it might dominate the format more than you’d think at first glance.

@hiygamer​ - Forgotten Lorekeeper

It’s not just a creature with tap ability, it already starts tapped! I really like this card in theory, but I think the play pattern on it isn’t as cool as it sounds. I think the counter ability is really cool but I don’t know how many people would take advantage of it. For example, if you play this on two mana, then on turn three leave up the mana to activate it, I feel like you’re going to activate it no matter what. It’s just a slow anticipate effect, which I think is cool! It’s like a watcher of tomorrow but with a little more risk, which brings it out of modern horizons power level. The counter text is just annoying from both sides, though. Your opponent knows you have an ability to counter a spell for one mana, but only if you picked the type of card they intend on playing. I like that minigame in theory, but it’s so all or nothing. Your opponent either gets countered or doesn’t. Either way you get the card, so you’ve got no skin in it. It puts your opponent in a situation were they just sort of have to guess. I think if the activation required more mana or didn’t let you put the card in your hand if it countered the spell, then your opponent would have more of a reason to play into it. My worry with the card as it stands is that the counter text is either ignored or free, which leads to a frustrating experience. But I like using hideaway with a tap ability, I think it’s a cool combo.

@i-am-the-one-who-wololoes​ - Ursine Geochanneler

A 3/3 for three with trample is already a good start. The body is decent, so the tap is a relevant cost. And what is the tap ability? It turns a creature into a beanstalk giant! Or a Molimo, if that’s your point of comparison. So, before getting further, I just want to ask why you let it target other player’s creatures. Unless you’re playing armageddons or your opponent is severely mana screwed, you usually aren’t going to be shrinking your opponents creatures. There’s some multiplayer applications, but even in that case would it not be simpler to just say “lands you control” and shorten the text? It would also make math a little simpler. As for the intended purpose, growing your own creatures, I like it, but worry a bit. As I mentioned earlier, most creatures of that size are around 7 mana. This is available by turn 4. Of course, the pump is less powerful when you have fewer lands. I think this could mostly be forgiven, but I think what makes this card especially scary is that it’s instant speed. This means you can attack with a bunch of 1/1s and then get your pick of which one beceomes a 6/6 after blockers are declared. Or, worse yet, when blockers are declared. I think there could have been some fun in limiting what it can target. You could limit it to bears, or to land creatures, or to attacking creatures (though that wouldn’t have meant much). A mana cost might have also helped, probably like 3 mana? Then you’re at least being set back more than a single attack. Lastly, and I almost missed this, the templating is buggy. Right now, it says it wears off at the beginning of the next ens step. That would means that the creature would shrink before end of turn, while it still has damage on it. So a 1/1 that turns into a 6/6 before being dealt 1 damage would die right after the beginning of the end step. You just want it to say end of turn like most pump abilities. I think this is a cool ability and one I could see being put on a creature some day in magic’s future, but I think it needs to be scaled back a bit from where it is now.

@kamoegoi​ - Priest of the Final Peak

I am very, very curious if you knew that Lowland Oaf and Stone Giant existed. This is another good take on the idea, with a lot more going for it. It often takes the form of a fireball by way of fling. I think this is more powerful than it looks. At the minimum, the creature itself has a great body. A 5 mana 4/5 with menace at uncommon is playable in almost any limited format, and this has a significant upside. Flyers win games, and the fact that you could turn any old goblin into a giant flying fireball that can’t be chumped is incredibly powerful. I think this is a really good thing to use as a tap ability, since this should be a costly effect, but I don’t think it’s costly enough. I think XXR or maybe XRRR would be better. Or, you could have tied the X to something static, like devotion to red, which would fit the theme. Something to make this not such an easy way to win a game of limited. I love the idea and I would enjoy playing it, but I think you underestimated the strength of the ability.

@kavinika​ - Caravan Harrier

This feels like a very strange card to me. It’s a defender that can’t really block well, but can deal damage. Not only that, but it deals a TON of damage. A one mana card that taps to deal one damage, even to specifically tapped creatures, is way better than you think. Even if it was only hitting attacking creatures I think it’d be good. This card basically just makes it impossible for your opponent to get through unless they have vigilance. However, I do like the flavor. I also like that you incorporated the sand creature type. It makes me think it’s like some sort of sand elemental. I think if you removed the +1 to X, this might be a little safer.

@misterstingyjack​ - Dominating Sliver

Seeing the textbox made me very concerned, but then I remembered I clarified that slivers specifically are allowed to do this. In fact, you could have skipped those first four words and just said “slivers you control have.” I think this card is a reference to dominating lucid, which is funny to me, because that’s such a weird card. I like the effect this has as soon as it hits the board, since it lets your other slivers immediately steal stuff, but for this contest specifically I want to judge it on its own, and there it’s significantly weaker. A 6 mana 4/4 with not protection that needs to survive a turn and is only useful until it dies is not great. The phrasing on the tap ability is also not in line with other cards with similar text, as those specify that you also need to control the tapping creature. I think this still works, but I would stick with what exists. I also think effects like this have gone out of favor in recent years because of how weird and complex they make the board state. You have to remember not to untap, remember which one is controlling which, and your opponent has to remember to. I think the effect is neat, but the card has complexity and playability issues.

@morbidlyqueerious​ - Keeper of Blossoms

Art description: a heavily-armored dryad carefully bending down in a field of various flowers, carefully cupping but not picking one of them.

This is a very straightforward and I like it. I worry a bit that it may be too strong in limited, but perhaps I’m being too cautious. We’ve seen this text on plenty of effects, but few of them have tap in them. Most are four mana and don’t have  the sorcery restriction, so maybe 2 mana is fair. I kind of wish it were only other creatures, so it can’t just sit there growing itself until it can’t be killed, but perhaps psuedo-outlast is fine. I keep trying to find more to say about this card, but it’s exactly what it looks like. I suppose there’s counters synergy sometimes? I think what’s keeping this out of the top spot is that there’s not much to do with this card, and I don’t see it being competitively viable, which is more of what I was hoping to see. This is still a well designed card.

@partlycloudy-partlyfuckoff - Abstractomancer

So, for those not aware, this card functions even though it may not appear to. If a card refers to “equipped creature” or “enchanted creature,” rules-wise it’s only really referencing the permanent it’s attached to. So even though the cards wouldn’t read correctly, it would technically work within the rules. You can even do this in black-border with the card bludgeon brawl and turning an aura into an equipment. However, I think it’s a bad idea to exploit this rule. It has this weird thing where newer player will assume it works, then experienced players will assume it doesn’t, then very advanced players will know it does. In general, I don’t think it’s a good idea to design a card that feels like it’s trying to trick players. If I ignore that, I think the card is cool, but needed more going on. Currently it requires a lot to go right. You need an aura in the graveyard, you need this creature in play, and you need it to survive a turn, then you need the extra mana to equip and hopefully have a useful effect. The upside is that the aura could be a really good one, like eldrazi conscription or colossification. I think the payoff is pretty cool, but just feels so flimsy. Lastly, there’s some templating fixes. You checked to make sure it had enchant creature, but you need to remove enchant creature from the copy. The copy also need to be a token. As in, “Create a token that’s a copy of the exiled card except it loses enchant creature and is an Equipment artifact with Equip 3.”

@piccadilly-blue​ - Legion Saltscourer

This is a wild card to read top to bottom. Vigilance always makes tapping easier, but in this case it’s necessary. When you start reading that tap ability it’s scary, then you read the condition and it’s less scary, then you see the last part and it’s less scary, then you read the whole thing and you’re like okay, this is weird. This card’s main use is color screwing your opponent. That isnt something that’s super useful, I think. You wouldn’t be able to kill any lands until turn five, which seems like a really late time to do it. You also need to attack and get through, which is not easy to do by turn five with a measly 3/2. If you’re playing a removal heavy deck and can get through, maybe, but then is this the guy you want? What I’m trying to get at is that this card is cool and flavorful, but I have trouble picturing a world where you would play this. If your opponent has lands you really want to kill, chances are you’re going to need to do it faster than turn 5, which you can do with everything from straight land destruction to other lands like ghost quarter. If the idea is that this is a card you can get in some damage with and just use the ability to pester them, like famous white cards like leonin arbiter or aven mindcensor, then it’s too hard to get in with. This guy’s just going to be sitting around, waiting to get in most of the time. Also, I don’t know why this is black instead of red. Red just feels more appropriate and has better combo potential. I think the basic concept of this card is okay, if a little too inconsequential in the grand scheme of things, but the body and cost sort of makes it irrelevant.

@simsarwel​ - Cisti, Pearl of the Stage

Art direction:

Place: Ravnica, in a Rakdos theater

Object: A ballerina, Cisti, is performing in the light of candles. The point of view is set from backstage. The audience composed by Rakdos cultists (fiends, imps, threatening shapes,...) can be seen, captivated by the performance.

Main subject: Cisti, dancing

Mood: "Something so pure it can make the devil cry"

A rakdos ballerina is a cool idea, though I don’t know why it’s white. Is this meant to be some cross-guild thing? Mechanically, I think I understand why the white’s there, since redirection is a white thing. The first ability on her is kind of cool, though the templating is off. Since it needs to be a replacement effect rather than a trigger, you can’t target, so you’d have to say “If damage would be dealt to Cisti, Pearl of the Stage, instead that damage is dealt to another creature you control.” Also, assuming you still want her to get hit if she’s on the stage alone, you might want to proceed it with “as long as you control another creature.” Now, as for the tap ability, I think that’s a cool tap ability to put on a creature. It’s the sort of thing you want to limit to once per turn cycle. It also has good synergy with her first ability, since you can steal a creature right before she’s dealt damage. I kind of worry about that, actually, since it means that she could block a creature, then steal a second creature and let all the damage move to the second one. That means that as long as she’s untapped your opponent can’t attack or burn her without losing one of their own creatures instead. With powerful effects like that, it’s usually a good idea to give players a way to get around it. This is why I might suggest putting a mana cost on the ability. Another change I might suggest is specifying that it has to be something your opponent controls. This way she isn’t just going to be used as a way to untap and give haste to your own creatures. I think it might be okay if she did, but I think it makes the card spread a little too thin. It would also make it so she can’t target herself infinitely. I don’t know why you would want to do that, but might as well not make it an option. Digital players would probably appreciate that. Lastly, I know she’s a ballerina, but noy is she tiny. A five mana 1/3 is a pretty high price for a small body. Yes, the ability is good, but that doesn’t matter much if it dies to a last gasp or a bolt when it’s the only creature you control. I think this card is going for a very specific flavor and I think you carried it out nicely, but the mix of a body that’s very fragile and an effect that’s very powerful leads to a technically balanced card that, when played, leads to games where it either dies quickly at a huge cost or wins the game nearly on its own. In general that’s something you want to avoid.

@snugz​ - Chorus of Kruphix

Old man of the sea is now a bird-man. Typical old timers. I love the flavor here, we’ve seen sirens with mind control effects before, even on Theros, and chorus is a cool way to refer to a Siren. I like linking the ability to devotion, it’s a good way to not make mind control effects a get-out-of-jail free card like lots of mind control effects are. You need devotion and this creature to stick. However, I think this design is kind of dated. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen an effect like this because of a few reasons. First, it’s easy to forget, either accidentally untapping it with the rest of your permanents, or not realizing that you’re down a creature to block with when evaluating the board. There’s also the confusion over if the devotion count needs to be consistent. If you have a Thassas’s oracle in play, then steal a 5 drop, then your oracle dies next turn, do they get the creature back? The answer is no, but it’s not obvious. Lastly, it’s just cumbersome. It requires paying a lot of attention to things. Most effects like this have been turned into ETBs to make all of these issues more straightforward. I think the balance, the body, and the flavor are all good on this card, I just think the effect is not something magic wants to bring back.

@walker-of-the-yellow-path​ - Kadena’s Recruiter

This one’s tough to judge. First, I like how it’s clear what to do with this card. You play it in a morph deck, or in decks with face-down synergies. The activated ability seems to be trying to do that, but there’s a lot going on with it. Targeting your own creature I think is the intent. It lets you re-trigger morph effects, but the cost of it makes it a little tough. I know it’s meant to mimic the cost of playing a morph card, but I think that it’s too restrictive. If it weren’t a tap ability, maybe, but with the tap I think you want it at two or maybe even one mana. The other way to maybe make it worth it is to give it the new morph cost no matter what. Using this as a combo to get cheaper morph abilities, like with hooded hydra or kheru spellsnatcher. I also don’t know how this interacts with megamorph. I understand the desire to not give the players a choice of multiple morph costs, but it’s a pretty small complexity bump when one’s pretty much always better than the other, and you’ll often know how you’re going to do it before you’ve even build the deck. However, is the fact that it can target your opponent’s creatures worth the extra price? Again, I don’t think so. Flipping creatures face-down is annoying, but not really that good. Outside of ETBs, it’s basically a worse bounce effect. And bounce delays death, but not by much. But it still annoys players. I think you needed to decide whether you want this to target your or your opponents stuff from the start and limit it to that. Probably just your own stuff. When you’re trying to do both, you end up with an overcosted ability where a deck doesn’t really want the utility. If you have a morph deck and you have this but nothing to trigger it with, is targeting your opponent’s stuff really going to help? If you’re using it as a piece of removal, is paying three mana a turn really effective? I think the concept is great and the execution of it in it’s current form is really well done, I just think it would have been a better design if it focused on one side or the other.

@whuh-oh​ - Azure Sanctum Warden

I’m terrified of what this guy is protecting. He’s a powerhouse. For the cheap cost of two mana and getting through blockers, this can recur any spell. It can also just recur it slowly by just drawing that card each turn. I worry about any card that can let you cast the same card over and over again. It can easily lead to stagnant games. The most terrifying is an infinite combo, like with time warp, but even just continually recurring a murder or fatal push can annoy your opponents to death while also boring the player casting them. This also doesn’t get to do the tech of exiling the card because it’s putting the card on top. I think the closest way to get around that would be exiling spells after they are cast, sort of like abandoned sarcophagus or cauldron of eternity. But I don’t want to ignore the synergy of this card. Combining an ophidian effect with putting cards on top is cool. Even without that, a vigilance ophidian is cool. There’s a lot of cool things you’ve done here, I just worry that the play pattern induced by it’s main ability is going to lead to boring, repetitive games.

@wolkemesser​ - Rakdos Effigy Mage

I really like what you’ve done here. Hellbent plus a discard effect is great synergy but also nothing new. The hellbent effect itself is pretty cool on it’s own, it’s a cool way to allow players to play more defensively once they’re out of action. Your opponent won’t be able to hit you without risking a creature and possibly not make you lose life. The discard ability I like as well, especially the fact that it can’t go face. That would definitely be too much. As it is, it just snipes permanents, but requires a pretty good thing to discard. There is a little anti-synergy there. Hellbent really wants you to be able to dump your hand, which usually wants cheap cards, which won’t be good to discard. It also doesn’t really do anything with lands, which is one of the hardest card types to get rid of. You do still  let players discard lands if they want to, though, which I have some mixed opinions about. I worry that newer players would think that 0 deathtouch damage still counts. I think this card is also terribly scary. The fact that it can block, pitch the last card, deal a bunch of damage, and essentially be a very efficient 2 for 2 could easily be overpowered. But maybe that’s what tap abilities need in this day and age. I like this card and the cool combos, but I worry you might have gone overboard, and there’s some awkward anti-synergy.

~

Hello! Did you read to the bottom? Cool! Hopefully I didn’t sound too harsh with my feedback this week.

-Mod Mr. ShinyObject

#commentary #tapping the vein #mtg #magic the gathering #custom magic card #inventor's fair

[ren1327]

Screamtober 2021: Day 7

Day 7: Plague

Fandom: Wooden Overcoats Apocalypse AU

CW: Body horror, bad puns, a poor attempt at comedy

When a terrible virus sweeps across the earth, it finds itself in Piffling, the whole town is safe at Chapman's funeral home. Well, except for a certain man who was forgotten in the excitement. Well, and his best friend who may or may not be writing another best selling novel.

--------------------------------

Rudyard Funn had some regrets these last few months.

Most to do with his business.

But even he did not know what to do when in the process of getting the body in the coffin in the ground on time, the body would awake.

He at first thought it was a matter of family believing the family mistook a nap for death. But this man was a newcomer. Someone who had died at sea on a rowboat and found himself on the beach of Piffling.

Yet Doctor Edgware had pronounced no heartbeat or pulse.

So how did he bloody get out of the coffin?!

Then suddenly all the bodies were up and Chapman had locked his morgue up tight and evacuated everyone into the other wings of his funeral home where there was plenty of food and water.

Antigone had been at Chapman's with Georgie; getting them money for food by selling Chapman some of her pumpkin spice scented embalming fluid (much to his distaste).

Now Rudyard had to make it to Chapman's and he was sure that big oaf would allow him shelter.

Because he was so infuriatingly kind.

But also...because he and Rudyard had maybe...snogged here and there in the graveyard...and a closet of Piffling Village Hall...and behind the counter...

He had yet to tell anyone save for me, bestselling author of Memoirs of a Funeral House Mouse volumes 1 and 2, along as his most trusted confidant.

"Oh dear...quite a mess we're in Madeleine...Do you think Chap-er...Eric and the girls are okay?"

Squeak squeak

"Yes, you're right. Antigone would blend right in among these...things..."

He saw a one legged corpse hopping around.

"Hm...Mr. Sprat is much more spry with one leg..." He hummed.

He sat behind the counter with a cup of hot water.

"Suppose all we have to do is wait it out."

Squeak squeak

"Either." He said. "As long as we stay mum, we shouldn't have any problems."

Unfortunately for us, when Rudyard threw his hand behind his head and reclined, the saucer went off the counter and rolled to the door, pinging against the the glass.

"...Don't suppose they heard that?" Rudyard whispered.

He peeked over the counter and saw the door open, three bodies blocking it.

"Run, Madeleine!" He yelled, despite scooping me up and leaping out a still open window.

He groaned and sat up, only to whimper and take off in a sprint towards Chapman's.

"Chapman?!" He yelled and banged on a window.

Village Constable and local sweetshops owner Agatha Doyle looked out at us.

"Rudyard Funn?"

"Yes, yes, Agatha! Let me in!"

"You are aware there are creatures out there, yes?"

"Yes, yes, let me in!" He yelled.

"I'm afraid I can't. We sealed the windows."

"Rudyard?!" A panicked voice called.

Chapman switched with Agatha, placing a hand on the glass.

"Oh god, there you are!" He yelled. "Go to the back, I'll come get you."

"Why cant you..." He felt a hand on his shoulder and gasped, turning to see a walking copse.

Rudyard let out a scream and took off to the back of the house, hiding under the bushes. He felt the weight still on his shoulder, and held in a shriek when he saw the hand was still clutching his coat, minus the body. He hurled the coat off and down the hill, a few corpses following it and leaving him to sink into the flowers.

"Rudyard."

A pale hand slapped over his mouth and Antigone stood next to him, holding a rope.

"Here." She whispered and tied it around his waist. "They'll pull you up."

"Me, what about you?"

"They think I'm one of them." She groaned.

"Hm, good thing you can't blush or tan."

"Oh, shut up!" She hissed and tugged the rope twice. "Go on. I'll meet you in there."

Rudyard was pulled up, up and to the third floor into strong waiting arms. His nose was squished up against a very worried Eric Chapman's chest.

"Stop, stop that!" Rudyard groaned.

"Sorry. I was so worried, but I had to finish assigning rooms and then we had to throw the other bodies out. It'll rain soon, so we wont be cooped up long?"

"Now look here. What are you on about rain?" Rudyard asked, pushing himself away.

"Well, you've noticed the bodies are falling apart?"

"Yes, very easily."

"The rain will speed that up." Antigone muttered and Rudyard yelped, jumping into Chapman's arms.

"A bit anti-climatic." Georgie hummed. "I wanted to use crossbows or something."

"That sound like a fun game..."Antigone murmured.

"Fourth floor, west ring, all the way down the hall." Eric supplied and the two women went off to shoot rapidly decaying corpses.

"I'm afraid I gave up most of my guest rooms. So...are you opposed to bunking with me until the after the rain and clean-up?" Eric asked.

"And what about Madeleine?"

"Georgie made her a little bed in her room." He purred. "Come now, dinner and a little...Funn?"

"I suppose." Rudyard said, rolling his eyes, but cheeks heating.

I decided to leave my beloved friend and his sweetheart to thier night as thunder cracked far away and below many people laughed as they ate and drank in safety.

Some millionaire shortcake and a soft pillow were calling to me along with the manuscript of my new book "I survived the plague of Piffling Vale".

#screamtober 2021 #wooden overcoats #chapyard #rudyard funn #antigone funn #eric chapman #georgie crusoe #wooden overcoats madeleine #madeleine the mouse

[hereissomething]

SO ive seen some fellow hammer blogs postin abt the christ imagery in the drac death scene of Satanic Rites

and i wanted to post my own thots on the subject🤓

more under cut

tldr: Drac is definitely not a jesus boy

After reading approximately two whole chapters of Richard Cavendish's book on The Black Arts (a good beginners read so far), im learning that satanists have a contrarian method of reversing christian and "white magic" symbols in like any way possible (ex: turning the star of Solomon's seal upside down to turn it into the fallen star of satan; turning crosses upside down, tho that is also a catholic symbol for St Peter's crucifixion as he insisted he wasnt worthy to be killed upright)

fra angelico's crucifixion piece as an example

Dracula's deathscene after stumbling out of the hawthorne bush, said to have made jesus' crown of thorns

the majority of this sequence is shot with one important detail: Dracula is on the ground, upside down.

he is bound head and FOOT with nature's wooden nails but still loose enough to swipe blindly at Helsing

Lorrimer Van Helsing grabs a sharp spear-like fencepost. Drac is still shown upside down with a thorny crown. A ghoulish reversal of jesus rolling in the dirt and gnashing beastly fangs in his final moments

He places it under his ribs on his right side and uses the force of gravity to pierce DOWN into drac's heart. This is what KILLS drac. crucifixion relies on gravity to slowly asphyxiate you from a high up place until you die. in the christian lore, jesus was long dead before the executioners pierced his left side to be sure he had died.

jesus' stabbing was done upwards with little effort, and with much less empathy. as horrible as drac was, lorrimer seems to pity him in his wretchedness.

Drac expires brutally but rather quickly. There's not enough time to rub embalming fluids and myrrh on this sucker (besides, salts and spices are ABHORRENT to demons bc of their preservative/disease preventing qualities)

and no one around except helsing to tend his remains (snatch his signet ring). (image source: @canolacrush 's legendary post

Tho like christ, Dracula's death saved mankind from certain doom, DRAC WAS TRYING TO CAUSE THAT DOOM WITH HIS 4 HORSEMAN PLAGUE PLAN IN THE FIRST PLACE🤪

so in a nutshell, i feel that im def reading a lot more into this shit than i should be! but wouldnt it be interesting if the writers were bookending their satanic panic drac movie with dracula dying in a pseudo-ritualistic-reversal of christ just as a double irony twist? i have NO IDEA what that would accomplish but 😆

those are my thots! had to put that catholic college diploma to use somehow, preciate yall readin!

tldr: Drac is definitely not a jesus boy

#satanic rites of dracula #my satanic ramblings of dracula #hammer dracula #christopher lee #peter cushing #dracula #lorrimer van helsing #cw christianity #cw blood #cw violence #long post #movie analysis #black magic #satanism #dark arts #MY THOUGHTS #ON CHRIST DRACULA #my mind has been abuzz with all this stuff #and i had to share whether it was read or not #phuz rambles #my gifs #canolacrush #pls dont think im some xtian wacko #i was raised xtian and have since used my knowledge for #other purposes #😇

[historicalgram]

🔴The Khufu Ship 🔴 . ⚫The intact full-size ship from Ancient Egypt was sealed into a pit at the foot of the Great Pyramid of Giza from around 2500 BCE(4500 years old). ⚫Khufu's ship is one of the oldest, largest, and best-preserved ships from antiquity ; It measures 43.6 m (143 ft) long and 5.9 m (19.5 ft) wide. ⚫It was identified as the world's oldest intact ship and has been described as " A masterpiece of woodcraft " that could sail today if put into water. ⚫The history and function of the ship are not precisely known , it is known as a "solar barge" a ritual ship that carry the deceased king with the sun god "Ra" across the heavens. ⚫However, it bears some signs of having been used in water and it is possible that the ship was either a funerary "barge" used to carry the king's embalmed body from Memphis to Giza, or even that Khufu himself used it as a "pilgrimage ship" to visit holy places then it was then buried for him to use in the afterlife. . . FOLLOW me @historical_grams to enjoy more and more posts about our world's marvelous History.❤ thank you in advance 😘 . . #boat #ship #barge #water #khufuship #pharaoh #khufu #pyramids #egypt #monuments #archaeology #historic #history #architecture #photography #historical #travel #art #travelphotography #photo #architecturephotography #nature #photooftheday #landscape #old #preservation #culture #historical_grams #explorepage #featured (at Pyramids Of Giza, Cairo) https://www.instagram.com/p/CQNHuSen4rH/?utm_medium=tumblr

#boat #ship #barge #water #khufuship #pharaoh #khufu #pyramids #egypt #monuments #archaeology #historic #history #architecture #photography #historical #travel #art #travelphotography #photo #architecturephotography #nature #photooftheday #landscape #old #preservation #culture #historical_grams #explorepage #featured