#catholic grief

[howlingtothevoid]

Begging God to fix you!

(And other tales about religious trauma)

#web weaving #web weave #on grief #on love #webweaving #childhood grief #oc story: pathdog #Pathdog!Catherina #oc webweave #on religion #religious trauma #tw religious themes #catholic grief #no hate like christian love #happy valentine's day #i guess #queer tragedy

[crismakesstuff]

cast out of paradise

#please see my vision here #PLEASE #sorry for injecting my catholic trauma into the silly superhero show guys I can’t help it #the fallen angel #invincible #invincible show #invincible fanart #omni man #omniman #nolan grayson #mark grayson #debbie grayson #crismakesstuff #the original painting ‘the fallen angel’ is just SO HIM #the grief the despair and anger about his own choices #ITS NOLAN! #ok but if you guys let me ramble if I had to assign biblical roles to the graysons #i can see nolan as god himself (or lucifer but more so god tbh) debbie is mother mary and mark is jesus #the whole ‘lamb of god’ motif just fits mark wayyyy too well #also I saw someone make art of debbie and mark as ‘la pietà’ and I’ve been a changed person since #AGAIN SORRY FOR THROWING CATHOLIC IMAGERY AT THE SUPERHERO SHOW #this is how my brain wants to cope w it ig ;-; #catholic imagery

[pleaseletmecomehome]

AN EFFORT AT A PLEADING

I'm not usually so directly vulnerable--but the time has come for me to make the most of my time on Earth and reach out to my fellow human beings in order to achieve what I long to;

I do believe God calls me to do this--and I don't know what will happen in the wake of sending this out into the interwebs--maybe nothing--maybe a lot--maybe my life and my spirtual outcome can be entirely changed--maybe I'll become a miracle.

Look, I don't have a way of explaining all of this, but the most important fact is that five or maybe six years ago--I met someone who was the messiah in a different reincarnation and I was meant to fufill a prophecy--doesn't matter the reason I was chosen or the prophecy went unfilled, but the prophecy was laid into place and I chose to ignore it and changed its path. After much dissernment, of course.

Anyway, I digress. I have recieved new instructions on the course of direction that the path is taking and I'm asking for help here--it is simple, I need good vibes, loving worship, witchcraft--whatever you've got--I need you to direct (at least a portion of it) at the Big Man Himself on my behalf.

I am waiting for an important sign, usually reserved for saints, or otherwise holy people. I am waiting to recieve the stigmata--it is part of a really complicated plan and honestly something I'm only a small piece of on a cosmic scale--for maybe, just maybe (if all the pieces fall into the right places) the saving of multiple universes or timelines...

Look the stigmata signals I have passed the test and the next phase may go down--and so, while, I don't normally wanna talk about the stuff outloud (or as it maybe online in a assumed username and a blog)--this crap is heavy, I understand that--but I'm not asking for anything but a few prayers, vibes, offerings, etc be thrown upstairs on my behalf--I'm doing my best here, but I really need help.

Anyway--do what you must or what you feel compelled to do to in order to let me be granted the stigmata--it might be the beginning of everything and it could save us all (not to be dramatic)--so please, just at least consider it when you see my post.

Thanks--D'ARC

#catholic #catholic church #catholicism #jesus christ #god #messiah #christianity #faith #jesus #prayer request #stigmata #theology #religion #bible #christian #suffering #loneliness #grief #prophecy #desire #need

[many-sparrows]

Stephen Colbert for GQ in 2015, Anderson Cooper and Stephen Colbert in 2019

#help girl!! #thinking about this again! #what punishments of god are not also gifts #stephen colbert #what a good kind man #grief #faith #hope #catholic #quotes #on humanity #its all a gift!

[caritasangelus]

i would do it again, just for you— no matter what— i would follow you into the end, even if it means following your command to betray you.

the last days of judas iscariot by stephen adly guirgis // the betrayal of jesus // judas by k. wright // the judas kiss by nicodemus silivanovich // judas' kiss by peter koenig // state of siege by albert camus // 5th sunday, judas leaving dinner // mary at the foot of the cross // ring finger by @caritasangelus // litany in which certain things are crossed out by richard siken // jesus is arrested by doug blanchard // the poem where judas iscariot learns forgiveness by @caritasangelus // the fall by alans stephens foster

FOR CLARIFICATION: i am NOT catholic, nor am i a catholic based blog. i am AGNOSTIC. i simply enjoy the aesthetic and i have tremendous amounts of catholic trauma as a queer youth. thanks <3

#blood #catholic #web weaving #web weave #web weavings #betrayal #grief #judas and jesus #the last days of judas iscariot #poetry #words #prose #richard siken #litany in which certain things are crossed out #mary magdalene #paintings #art #albert camus #judas' kiss #sometimes it do be like that #my writing #homosexuality #gay #lgbtqia

[orca-soup]

To the spider

And God,

You are a trespasser that does not belong here.

Maybe ignorance is all it takes to coexist.

Not your fault, not mine, just is.

We will never truly know each other,

My veins laced with deadly venom.

But, isn’t bite also touch?

This still seems to me a good question.

Ignoring the rudeness my kindness was repaid with,

I get the most

peaceful weapons I can find.

I have always been too sensitive,

But I was born this way,

Begging to be believed.

Lord, I worry

You remember too much.

I keep searching for proof,

As I was punished for the sin of trying to do the right thing.

Freak of nature.

The shadowed creature in the corner of the room.

You’re a sinner too.

And, I hate you.

And, I care if I am guilty.

I suffer in my loving,

Convinced that was devotion,

That love is violence.

God suffices as a companion

But it's getting harder.

I could die for you,

And get swallowed whole.

Maybe you would've shown me mercy

But you are still standing, and I am still sorry.

And

He is still God.

(Rudy Francisco|l, e|Anne Carson|Katherine Fabrizio|‘Attar|Margaret Atwood|Natalie Diaz|Althea Davis|Ada Limón|Laura Gilpin|Joshua Tree|José Olivarez|Frank Bidart|Melody S. Gee|Willa Cather|John Keats|Avain Blue|Kristin Chang)

#centos #cento #poem #poetry #spiders #spider poem #catholic guilt #words #lit #writing #grief #literary #literature #loss #sorrow #love #religion #god #I think I can format this better given a chance

[brother-emperors]

Hey Cardinal, you ve talked a little bit about Crassus tending to open his house to all levels of society and his treatment of his domestic staff and slaves, and I would love to hear more of your thoughts about it?

OH BOY. Okay. So I had to think about this one for two months, because the first attempt to answer this resulted in about ten pages of writing and that’s. arguably too much. I’ve attempted to condense my thoughts down here as much as possible, but. we’ll see how it goes! somehow this is still over a thousand words!

Gonna start this off by tacking this at the top of it.

The Cambridge World History of Slavery, Volume 1: The Ancient Mediterranean World, ed. Keith Bradley and Paul Cartledge

To follow that up though, there was no cohesive slave identity shared across the broad scope of people who were slaves in ancient rome, because the lived experiences of each group (agricultural, domestic, freedmen/women, gladiatorial, etc) were so different (for example, freedmen could go on to own slaves themselves, slaves in the mines and working in rural agricultural conditions were the least likely to have a shot at gaining freedom because that would be a loss of income for the roman that owned them, etc) that to associate it all as a uniform identity-experience is also Not Good.

(ibid)

ANYWAY. So my focus on Crassus here has three sides to it.

for the sake of simplicity, we will be using The Cambridge World History of Slavery, Volume 1: The Ancient Mediterranean World, ed. Keith Bradley and Paul Cartledge (unless otherwise cited), at the end, I'll tack on some other reading outside of the body of text that I've written.

The most immediate side is that I’m interested in the lives of slaves in the Late Republic, but in a broader scope than the handful of individuals who have historical prominence, you know? Slaves and freedmen occupied a unique social space in the Late Republic, and had a political-social prominence, and I’m curious about which politicians recognized them as a block worth paying attention to. I want to see what they have to say in the absence of a voice.

you can see that the potential social flexibility of the slave was a problem for the Augustan Age/Early Empire by laws that were passed to curtail this, which in turns says something about their role in Late Republic life and society.

So, slaves are an extension of the house they belong to, which is a deeply simplified understanding of all of this so bear with me a little! There’s a social contract, so to speak, that when granted freedom, the (now) freedman has a patron-client relationship with his former owner, who has an obligation to maintain this dynamic.

Freed Slaves and Roman Imperial Culture, Rose MacLean

ALRIGHT. We’re getting to the point where this involves Crassus, hang on.

So Crassus in Plutarch’s bio sounds off that he’s got a lot of slaves, and a lot of mines, but the ones of most value are his slaves in Rome specifically, because they were trained (some personally, by Crassus himself) and skilled in high demand areas, and were sought after. Aside from the obvious, the part that strikes me as interesting is that this is not. an insignificant number. Plutarch says five hundred. That’s a recognizable amount of people in Rome who have a certain amount of social flexibility (the slaves of upper class or political heavy weights had less in common with the urban poor, and frequently interact with other houses of political influence) and all of those people are attached to Crassus.

This would extend even further to any of them who gained their freedom, because that would continue over into a patron-client relationship, and those five hundred slaves mentioned by Plutarch are all in a group that are the most likely to have a chance at buying their freedom. Whether or not this was the case is a huge Who Knows! because Plutarch skips over huge chunks of Crassus' life to get to the political machinations of conspiracy.

Less abstractly and more straightforwardly: Crassus and Clodius were well aware of the political-violence potential of slaves

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

This contrasts heavily against, say, Pompey, who has several named slaves/freedmen in his biography that indicate levels of a personal relationship or friendship (we cannot use the mentions of individuals in Pompey's biography to assume that he was inclined to giving his own slaves freedom), and Caesar himself seems to have been even more insular than Pompey in this.

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

There’s an underlying thing happening, though, later in Pompey’s life: Pompey (and Caesar) later rival Crassus in terms of wealth, but the difference has to do with location, land distribution, and slaves. Crassus seems to have most of his wealth concentrated in or near Rome (slaves, architecture, renting properties, the fire brigade, etc) with less of a focus on agriculture-mines for an income and more on. this. I'm still going through a couple of books for more on this vague train of thought, but its. something to think about.

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

Pompey and Caesar seemed to follow the trend the rest of their military-senatorial contemopraries were following, which. would have inadvertently led to a worsening economic disparity in Rome (the urban poor + displaced farmers being driven off their land and forced to go to Rome for work because the influx of slaves from military conquests was a source of income that slave owners would have hated to give up)

there’s. some kind of additional thought in here about the crucifixion of the six thousand as a display of power and a threat to anyone else who was thinking of revolting against rome. Crassus seemed to have forgone the idea of taking anyone after the battle as a slave and opted for total annihilation, which falls in line with how he could be a ruthless motherfucker when it came to establishing order and did not apparently view this as an economic opportunity.

which moves on to my second thing about Crassus, I think that part of why he had his house open to people across different social classes and wasn’t prone to lavish displays of whatever had to do with how he grew up. I also think that it ties back to Crassus honing in on groups of people and realizing that they had political importance in some way. Plutarch’s bio makes note that he spent time advocating on behalf of anyone who needed it, even on cases that Caesar wouldn’t touch. That is an absolutely KILLER way to build up your reputation in a way where you would not necessarily need to traditionally align yourself with either of the two major political parties, and would lend you a lot of good will with groups of people who are not given voices in historical accounts. An absence of voice does not mean an absence of body!

Which ties into the third thing, Crassus occupies a third space in politics. Crassus specifically appears to drift around without much harm done to his reputation where it counts (Cicero gives him shit for it, but he still managed to get out of several sticky situations mostly unscathed) (Crassus’ appearances in other biographies indicate someone who is not firmly aligned one way or another politically as well, which is fascinating for other reasons).

I think generally, Crassus had his finger to the pulse of the many beating hearts of Rome's groups and understood on some level, the potential power of each one.

Those are my thoughts! also I’m going back in time to the Augustan Age and putting thumbtacks into all of Octavian’s shoes!

ADDITIONAL READING

Freed Slaves and Roman Imperial Culture, Rose MacLean

Roman Freedmen in the Late Republic, Susan Treggiari

The Cambridge World History of Slavery, Volume 1: The Ancient Mediterranean World, ed. Keith Bradley and Paul Cartledge

my point of contention with the last one is that Crassus didn't go on enough military campaigns to rival the other men in this group for it to be an even comparison, especially since he had an opportunity with the Spartacus Revolt and executed six thousand people instead.

#ask tag #long post #good grief is it long #hopefully any of it makes sense. im an artist. i draw comics. the only thing ive taught as an instructor in a classroom was catholic #catechism lmaoo and that was half by accident #book club tag #tris homines

[jaimeluvr]

i miss you, judas

- the last days of judas iscariot

#web weaving #catholic guilt #judas iscariot #the last days of judas iscariot #grief

[please-dont-pet-the-okapi]

"The Only Thing" by Sufjan Stevens // The X-Files, "All Souls // "Hear Me Lord" by George Harrison // Katharina & Martin Luther by Michelle DeRusha // Hebrew 11:1, Douay-Rheims Version // "Heat Lightning" by Mitski

#i thought i was going to go to bed but instead i made this #anyway i am going ahead and claiming 'heat lightning' for the christians. #additionally there is. a very particular irony in using a detail from the life of the og protestant #(in the eyes of many anyway; luther was hardly original or unique in his quarrels with catholicism) #when dana scully is a catholic #but there's something about the bitter grief of the luther family that reminded me of this episode #grief is an awful thing to live with #and i can't imagine how agonizing it would be to lose a child in any time period #@jae enjoy this the fruit of my labor #the x files #rachel yells about religious themes in fiction #red string and thumbtacks

[soldier-poet-king]

Jesus wept.

#i was reading more of that aids and catholics book over lunch #i am so fuckin angry. and i am weeping with rage and sorrow #yeah yeah i KNEW i didnt get it and I'll never really get what it was like. #i was born in 96 at the final peak of aids deaths before we see a downward trend #ofc i dont understand. not really #but i am full of so much anger and grief and i am sick with it #for the longest time i have thought of the sacred heart inextricable from the hozier lyrics from foreigners god #now my heart is heavy with the hate of another mans belief #and ryan McQuade has a piece like this i adore. the sacred heart framed by the pink triangle #if i wasnt yknow. in thee glass closet. i would buy and frame it #anyway. i have to go cry in the work bathroom for 5 min before i can. get back to work #i picked up the grief of stones again. im going to need it.

[pleaseletmecomehome]

Prayers 03/27/24

I don't know if doing this blog publicly is the right thing to do. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing anymore. I've been reading The Venerable Madeleine Delbrêl's meditations in The Holiness of Ordinary People all night, and now--I'm sure that I'm supposed to be working towards saving the world in my small actions and I'm supposed to be a part of the world not apart from it--but I don't know what I believe. I don't know if I'm pharisaical for doing this. For posting my prayers. My plans. My beliefs.

Maybe I'm a heretic. I'm certain that I do hypocritical things. I'm in a queer relationship. I don't identify by the gender binary. I'm in love with at least two priests. And I'm so scared all the time. I want to be holy. I do I do. And I love my partner, I love them, and it doesn't feel right to abandon them after over a decade of being together off and on. I love them.

I'm scared. I'm scared I'm gonna go to Hell. I'm scared I'm gonna send other people to Hell by preaching my beliefs. I don't know what to do--I know what The Church says about this stuff--but I didn't choose it. I've just been trying to be a good person--I've never really managed it.

I miss when I knew God loved me. But since 12 on I just--know I'm not a good person.

Please God, why can't you fix me? Why won't you?

You send me visions and signs and everybody else tells me they're wrong or that I am crazy--do you know how fucking lonely I am? Please God--please just love me. Please just love me.

I'm so sorry God, I'm sorry for what I am--please tell me it will be alright...

#catholic #catholicism #catholic church #god #messiah #jesus christ #faith #jesus #christianity #prayer request #tw grief #tw religious trauma #religion tw #tw non canon teachings/beliefs

[george-harrisons-last-biscuit]

Phrases I’ve said/thought in the last couple of days as Ringo Starr tweets

TW for Death, Alcohol, and Religion (Catholicism).

The original text that started this:

Headed to the funeral home peace and love ✌️☮️✨😎

I can’t believe it really was Grandpa’s last Christmas. ✌️❤️Peace and Love❤️✌️🐙☮️🐇🎶✨😎

If you have the option don’t look at your grandpa’s dead body. Peace and love 💗 🐇🐙🦀☮️🎶✨

My grandpa would be pissed if he knew we were donating his shit. ❤️✝️Peace and love ✝️❤️🎶✨⛪️🩸👏😎🐙

Why is there yogurt in his florist’s refrigerated flower case? ❤️🎶Peace and love 🎶❤️💐✨🐇✝️💗

I impulsively told the transphobic person at my church that she almost made me not get confirmed. Peace and love ✌️🤝🏳️‍⚧️✨🐇🎶⚧️⛪️☮️💗

On my way to go see my grandpa’s body part 2 but this time there’s going to be a bunch of random people I don’t know. Peace and love 💕 🎶🐇✨✌️🙃🐙😎💐☮️

We have been socializing since 11:30 am and it’s 5 pm. Why the hell are we still going? I’m gonna strangle someone. Peace and love ❤️🐙🎶✨🤝✝️✌️💐😎

My grandma tried to talk the priest into letting me take communion early. Peace and Love. 💕☮️💐✨⛪️🎶🥰🍷

Please Lord, I need to drink asap. Peace and Love.🍾✨🥂🍻🎶🍷❤️🍺☮️🥃💕⛪️🍸🙃🍹🐇🍶✌️

I think I am seriously feel like I am losing my mind. Peace and love. ❤️ 🐇✨✌️✝️🐙😎🎶🍆🐰

During Mass the mic and speakers starts going crazy with feedback. We joked that it was my grandpa. The saints/those in heavens celebrate the mass with us and I think he was telling us to hurry up. Peace and Love. ❤️ ✝️🎶🍷🐰⛪️✌️✝️🐇✨💐

We live in a terrifying corporate landscape that feeds off the innocence and naivety of the youth. - I’m watching my little cousin watch YouTube. Peace and love 💕 🎶👍🐇🍷✝️🐙🤝✨

I am so grateful that I kept my faith. I almost lost it due to transphobia. Peace and Love. 💗🎶💐✨⛪️🐙🥹👍☮️

#ringo starr #the beatles #beatles #death #catholic #grief #tw alcohol #tw religion

[raayllum]

i find it so interesting that in the letter, rayla never says that she wants to stay. she says she wants to be stopped. it just further tethers ttm to 1x02 with the assassination mission (“i have to do this. i’m sorry, i don’t want to, but i have to”) and 3x08 (“you and ezran should take zym, but i can’t leave [...] so i have to stay and defend the dragon queen”). like she knows this is something she cannot fully put down, but callum has been so good at talking her out of things, at finding solutions, and she desperately wants that to be the case here too. she can’t get rid of this part of her but she also knows he’s the only thing that’s ever been able to settle it, to give her a path, to give her peace. but she can’t do that - because when has what rayla’s wanted ever truly mattered to her, at all?

#through the moon #tdp shorts #rayllum #raylangst #caylangst #tdp rayla #little details #arc 1 #mini meta #analysis series #mine #text post #this is not the big boi meta btw #just a musing #anyway rayla being mentally ill just keeps on jumping out #get her some antidepressants and grief counselling please. no more catholic guilt/martyrdom #dear callum

[momentsbeforemass]

“You will grieve…”

Think of all of the sources of grief in life. Some of them have to do with things. But the ones that hurt the most? The ones that involve people.

Whether it’s death, divorce, betrayal, abandonment, it really boils down to the loss of a relationship. Whether it’s the end of something genuine, or the realization that someone wasn’t who we thought they were. The things that hurt the most involve the loss of a relationship.

Because those losses hurt us so deeply, it’s easy, kind of natural, to think that we’ll always feel that way. That we’ll always be grieving.

In the Gospel, Jesus tells the Apostles about His own impending death. Jesus is very blunt about what His death is going to do to them – “You will weep and mourn, while the world rejoices.”

If you were trying to pick a way to make something hurt even more, this would be it. Having other people rejoice at your loss.

But Jesus tells them something else – “You will grieve, but your grief will become joy.”

Even though it hurts. Even though people are trying to make it hurt even more. It won’t always be that way. Grief will end. And it will end in joy.

Jesus is telling the Apostles how grief will work for them with His own death and resurrection. But Jesus is also telling us how grief will work in our lives. That we will have grief. But that grief is not eternal. That if we draw close to God, God will replace our grief with joy.

That can be hard to see when you’re in the middle of grieving a loss.

On the Saturday morning after the Crucifixion, the Apostles weren’t saying to themselves “I can’t wait until Jesus comes back tomorrow.” That Saturday, the Apostles had no idea about Sunday.

Even though Jesus told them what would happen? Yes. They were too lost in their grief to remember any of that.

We’re no different. When you and I are in the middle of grieving a loss, it’s easy, kind of natural, to think that we’ll always feel that way. That we’ll always be grieving.

Thank God we’re wrong. Grief is unavoidable. But it’s not permanent.

It can be hard to see that while we’re lost in grief on Saturday. But the truth is that God has already prepared a Sunday of joy to follow our Saturday of grief.

Stay in faith. Saturday’s almost over.

Draw close to God. He’ll bring you through to Sunday.

“You will grieve, but your grief will become joy.”

Today’s Readings

#Grieving a loss #Grieving #God #Jesus #Catholic #Christian #Church #Loss #Faith #Lost in Grief #Permanent #Moments Before Mass

[moonah-rose]

My first attempt at a Ghosts fic, one-shot.

A fix-it to the Bone Plot and En Francais. Alison happens to meet the last ghost she expected to find while on holiday.

Relationships: Alison/Mike, Alison & Sophie Bone, Alison & her ghost family, Robin & Sophie, Robin & Kitty (Humphrey & his brooding, I guess).

#bbc ghosts #ghosts fanfic #angst #emotional hurt/comfort #dealing with grief and catholic guilt #found family #alison cooper #humphrey bone #robin ghosts

[aimmyarrowshigh]

sometimes you read a post and go, "man, OP has truly never meaningfully met a jewish person, huh."

#this is about that post going around about how #'western culture' has no identity around communal mourning/grief #or rituals around death/grief/mourning #i suspect OP has also never met anyone catholic tbf