Come Back Down
Pairing: Benjamin Poindexter x Reader
Summary: You always bring Dex back down when he feels like his world is spinning; tonight you show him a physical way he can find relief.
Genres: Angst, SMUT
WARNINGS: 18+ content, unprotected sex
Words: 3k exactly
“I’m having a bad night,” Dex says to you over the phone as he stands on the balcony of his apartment, leaning over the rail. It’s cold out, nearly forty degrees, and he was out here only in a teeshirt and sweatpants. The cold helped when his body became too hot with anxiety and spiraling thoughts. It tensed his muscles and helped cool him down physically, although mentally he wasn’t doing well still. It’s why he called you—you said he could when he needed to, and now was one of those times. “Do you—“
He pauses though. Blinks hard twice to steady the tremor in his voice. He didn’t have to be embarrassed to sound like this, but he was. As hard as it was all the time to pretend to be a tough FBI agent, the worst was feigning he was okay when he spoke to you. Dex takes a shaky deep breath. “Do you mind coming over?”
There’s silence on the other end of the line. Gut-wrenching, heart-stomping silence. He holds his breath for as long as the silence lasts. God, he’s really done it this time—scared you off with his issues. He felt needy and like an unlucky penny tails up on the ground when he met you. It was only a matter of time until you also pushed him away, like everyone else had in his life.
“I can come over,” you finally say, and he can hear it in your voice that he’s woken you up. You were probably deep in a peaceful sleep when he called you in his terrible state of mind. The worst part of the way you sounded was that he could hear the hint of hesitation in your voice—he didn’t want you to come over unless you wanted to. Not feel obliged, or pressured, but wanted to. Doubt fills his mind again, and Dex runs a hand over his face.
“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Dex says regretfully, even though deep in his heart he wants you here anyway. He’s afraid of where his mind might take him if he stays alone and you’re the only person who can bring him back down and quiet his mind. He had his therapy recordings, sure, but they were nothing compared to your presence.
“I want to, Dex,” you said without hesitation this time. “I was just worried about the time of night and getting there alone.”
“I can meet you,” Dex says hopefully, convincingly. “I can come to your place and we can walk here together.”
“Or you can just stay here,” you offer him. “If you’re comfortable with that?”
Dex paused—this was the first time you’d ever invited him over. The hope he felt in his chest was almost insulting.
“Yes,” Dex says. “I am.”
“Are you sure?” You ask him. “You don’t mind?”
“How could I? I need you, __,” Dex replies, clutching his chest. “I need to talk.”
“Okay,” you tell him. “Come now, then. I’ll be waiting.”
Dex throws on his jacket, hat, and shoes and immediately begins walking down the few blocks it takes to get to your place.
The cold is bitter against his face as the wind blows in the opposite direction he walks. When he finally reaches your building, he presses your apartment number and waits in anticipation for the buzzer to go off. When it does, he immediately opens the door and walks to the elevator.
You heard a faint knocking on your door as you sat in the corner of your couch, a cup of peach tea in your hands. Dex was here. You placed your tea on a coaster and walked over to your door. Before opening it, you looked through the peephole to make sure it was Dex (he often reminded you to do this) and it was. His face was hidden underneath his baseball cap, but when you opened the door, he immediately met your eyes.
“Hi,” was all he said. You opened the door wider.
“Hey,” you replied, motioning him to come in. When he did, he took off his hat and looked around your place. It was about the same size as his apartment except much more colorful. He didn’t spend too much time looking. You shut your door and locked it.
“Do you want anything to drink?” You offered.
“No,” Dex shook his head, “I’m okay. Listen, I’m sorry to call you this late.”
“Don’t be sorry,” you wave his apology off. “I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you called.”
You walked over to him and brushed his dirty blonde hair to the side, fixing it from his hat. Dex fluttered his eyes closed when he felt your fingertips on him. He took a deep breath to refocus. You ran your fingers down the side of his face before stopping at his shoulder.
“I was having a bad night,” Dex finally said, opening his eyes to meet yours.
“Was?” You asked.
Dex smiled a little and looked down at your carpet. He met your eyes again. “I feel better being here.”
“What was bothering you?”
Dex shook his head—what a complicated question. "The same stuff. Bad day at work. Makes me think of everything I’ve been through. I feel like I need this job more than it needs me, and that scares the hell out of me,” Dex confessed feeling his breathing getting faster. You moved your hand from his shoulder to over his heart.
“It’s okay,” you soothed. “We all have bad days at work.”
“Not like me,” Dex gently argued. “No one gets it like me.”
“So if I came to you about a bad day, would you tell me I have nothing to worry about, and I should forget it? Because I don’t have bad days like you?”
“Oh,” Dex shook his head. “I don’t mean it like that.”
“Then you should listen to what I’m saying. It’s normal to have some bad days, Dex. Just breathe. Reflect on why it was bad. And tomorrow, go in with your heart in the right place.”
Dex nods and swallows his response. “It’s just so easy for me to spiral like that.”
“I know,” you said softly, knowingly, feeling his heart begin to steady against your hand. “You’re here now. The day is over.”
Dex looks away from you again—your kind eyes could be so intimidating to him like he’s not sure how to reciprocate the feeling even though he wants to offer you the same. His eyes were always so full of worry. You never looked away from him.
“Thank you,” Dex says, placing his hand over yours, and holding it on his chest. You could see the veins on his wrist travel to his knuckles.
“What happened at work anyway?” You asked him.
“Just the job in general,” Dex shakes his head. “I do what I can and it’s not enough.”
You smile ironically, “a tale as old as time.”
“Yeah,” Dex laughs, despite himself. “I guess so. It can be stressful.”
“I bet it can be,” you agree. “You need to find ways to bring relief to your stress. How do you relax?”
Another complicated question for Dex to answer. He furrowed his brows. The only thing he can think of is listening to his therapy tapes. It never really relieved his stress—it only brought him back down to a level he could manage. He’s never completely been at peace, for as long as he can remember.
There’s one thing that does bring him to that peace, and it’s standing right in front of him.
“I call you,” Dex answers. “I talk to you. You—“ he stammers, looking at his hand on top of yours, “your touch relaxes me. It brings me back down.”
You smile sadly, placing your other hand on his bicep. “Other than me.”
“Nothing then,” Dex instantly replies, like a statement of fact. “Nothing relieves my stress like you.” It was his turn to fix your hair now—he pushed a loose strand behind your ear and dragged his thumb over your cheekbone.
You reach up and wrap your hand around his wrist, holding him there. You turn into his palm and kiss his hand. Dex takes a shaky breath—you’ve never kissed him like that. You’ve never kissed him, period. He wraps his arm around your waist and brings you closer to him so your chests are touching. It’s your turn to feel nervous—your romantic feelings for Dex are hard to hide now.
“Dex,” you say his name, resting your forehead on his chin.
“Do you want me to let go?”
“No,” you shake your head. You meet his dark hazel eyes and hold his intense gaze looking down at you. “I want to kiss you.”
Dex's mouth parts open as you stand on your tippy toes to meet his lips with yours. And when your lips finally meet, a gasp escapes you both. Dex devours the kiss, devours you, wholly. Your tongue dances against him. Dex hasn’t been this intimate with anyone, ever—in a long, long time. In the army, there were encounters in the past, but they were nothing more than something to keep him busy. Kissing you felt different—being this intimate with you felt different. You emitted something in him he didn’t think possible, something he can’t even admit to himself because he’s so afraid of losing it. And little did he know, you felt the exact way.
“Dex,” you pull back out of breath, “is this okay—“
“Don’t stop,” he demands, and it’s the surest thing he’s said all day. “Don’t stop.”
You kiss him again, placing your hands on his neck and holding him still. Dex traces his fingers on the sides of your body, tracing your curves and feeling the softness of your pajamas. He’s hesitant to move his hands anywhere else, even though he so badly wants to. Restraint was something they taught him in FBI training. Restraint is what he’s practicing now. You feel his hesitation in his movements, and your heart melts at how sweet it is—but it’s not what you need right now. You move your hands over his and move them to your breasts. Dex is nearly shaking when he touches you through the thin fabric of your tank top. He feels your nipples in the palm of his hand and squeezes ever so gently. It’s the most delicate thing he’s ever held. You.
“Remember I asked you how you relieve your stress?” You pull back breathlessly. “This is one way.”
Dex laughs. “Show me more.”
Dex shrugs his jacket off as you drag him to your couch and sit him in the middle. Dex is breathing heavily again, but not out of anxiety or worry. Out of anticipation. Out of sheer thrill. His mouth is parted, and even in the darkness of your living room you know it’s the sexiest he’s ever looked. His hair is fluffed perfectly to the side and you take a look at him before you straddle yourself in his lap. You slide your tank top off of you and Dex looks at you in amazement.
You tug at his shirt and he pulls it off over his shoulders. You look at his chiseled body for a moment and run your hands all over his torso, stopping when you reach his shoulders. You lean down to kiss him again. Dex crashes his lips on yours and brings you even closer. He has one hand on your right breast, while the other steadies you on the small of your back. You feel your wetness between your legs as you grind on Dex’s hard cock through his sweatpants. He places his hands on your waist and moves you back and forth against him, feeling his cock throb at the motion. Throbbing at how much he needs that sweet relief.
He looks up at you. You could tell him to do anything and he’d have it done in a second. You both tug on each other’s pants, signaling for the other to take them off. Once fully unclothed, you find yourself back in Dex’s lap, sliding your pussy up and down the length of his cock.
“How does this feel?” You whisper in his ear.
“Good,” Dex says in a low voice. “Really good.”
“Good,” you affirm. “I like it too.”
You continue to move back and forth on his cock, sliding your wetness all over him. You watch him carefully, as his eyes become half closed as he watches you grind yourself on his cock. Mouth parted, a slight furrow in his brows. He’s mesmerized by your movements and the way you feel against him. He’s mesmerized by you and how easily your slick pussy moves against his cock. You place your hands on his face and motion for him to look at you. Dex runs his hand up the length of your torso and stops between your breasts, feeling how hard your heart is pounding against your chest.
He shakes his head in disbelief.
“Are you okay?” He can’t help but ask.
“I’m nervous,” you tell him truthfully.
“It’s me,” Dex comforts. You nod as his hand trails back down to your stomach, close to wear you need to be touched. Dex gently brushes his thumb over your clit before putting more pressure on your sensitive bud. He likes the way you look when he does. He likes the way you sound.
You move a bit to move his cock to your entrance, not before stroking him a few times. Dex takes a deep breath and rests his head on your couch as he lets you take over. You move the head of his cock to your slick pussy and slowly push yourself down on his size, biting your lip from the way his cock stretches you. You and Dex sigh at the same time as you fully sit your pussy on his cock. He looks up at you with intense eye contact, feeling safe with you taking control. You hold it back and watch as he clenches his jaw as you begin to move up and down on his cock.
“How do you feel, Dex?” You ask breathlessly.
“Good,” Dex whispers, chest heaving. “Good.”
“You feel so good,” you say barely above a whisper. You begin to ride his cock faster with each bounce, holding onto his shoulders to steady you. You felt his cock touch you all the way inside, the part of you that makes you moan naturally, the part of you you’ve been needing Dex to touch for so long. You love the way his cock stretches your tight pussy out—you love the look on his face as you continue to bounce on him. Your pleasure was pooling out of your pussy and getting his cock all wet. Only the sounds of both of your pants and your wetness coating his cock filled the silence between you. You kept your half-closed eyes on Dex; Dex hasn’t stopped looking at you since the moment you straddled him.
“I needed this,” Dex says breathlessly, “Fuck—“ it’s hard for him to form coherent thoughts with you looking down at him sensually as you ride his cock.
Growing tired, you lean your body against Dex and rest your head in the crook of his shoulder. Dex holds you tight against him as he thrusts his cock into your tight pussy, feeling you clench onto him with each thrust. Dex holds you as he continues thrusting inside you, but he needs to see you. He pulls you back and rests your forehead against his. You find it in yourself to bounce on his cock again.
“Oh Dex,” you moan, feeling your pussy tighten around his cock as you feel your climax inching on. “Dex.”
“I know,” Dex pants, moving his hands to hold you by your waist. He begins to lift you up and down on his cock, lifting you up slowly to slam you back down all over his length. Feeling your pussy envelope his cock was a way to relieve stress he never thought of. He can’t focus on anything except you on top of him. Dex feels his release coming close, but he wants you to come first.
“Mm, Dex,” your eyebrows furrow as you feel that aching feeling deep inside you intensify with each thrust of Dex’s cock. “Dex!” Soon enough, your shaking from your orgasm as you feel the tip of Dex’s cock touch that spot deep inside at the right angle, making you feel so full and complete. Dex isn’t far behind. Watching you come all over cock and listening to your breathy moans was all it took.
“Fuck,” Dex whispers as he keeps you in place, cock deep inside your pussy, as he feels his cock release his come inside you. You feel the warmth of his seed completely fill you and the feeling alone is enough for you to orgasm again. Dex’s mouth is open as he pumps his come inside you, watching it leak back out all over his pelvis and your thighs. He holds you in place as your pussy squeezes every last drop of his seed and the only thing left filling the air are your breaths, slick skin and beating hearts.
You fall against his chest, burying your face in his neck, Dex’s cock still inside you. Suddenly it feels cold. You’re shivering, and Dex holds you tightly in his arms as he catches his breath—burying his face in your neck, too. Your chests are heaving against each other, letting the other come down from your highs. Dex closes his eyes tight and breathes in the smell of your shampoo, breathes in your skin, breathes in you. He feels completely at peace, holding you like this in his arms. You hold onto him just as tightly, making a promise inside you’ll never let him go.
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there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)
i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.
i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.
and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.
HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.
now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.
my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.
i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.
by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!
keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"
similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."
the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"
if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.
the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.
godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.
the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.
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