#except theyve went different ways about it

[cometchasr]

Я жду ответа Больше надежд нету Скоро кончится лето Это...

-кончится лето by Кино

i'm waiting for an answer there is no more hope summer will be ending soon this is...

#mine #using omnistar east's translations except i swapped “over” for “ending” #it's the most depressing of kinos songs imo #кукушка isnt really depressing as much as it is emo flowery in the way i like #and муравейник has that same mood #to me they kind of all tie in that they all have the mood of someone very depressed and tired #except theyve went different ways about it #кончится лето is angry about it but also theyve done shit already and theyre resigned to it #(its why i put it here. because the school holidays are over for me and its inevitable. ive resigned myself to it because i cant change thi #кукушка is the emo flowery way like i said #makes you feel things #sad but like in a different way yknow #and then муравейник is resigned depression without the anger #i love the black album so much its just #the most sad #also hi newt i hope you like me rambling about russian songs i do not understand whatsoever #literally looking up translations and copypasting names #most of these based on vibes

[melancholiaenthroned]

BERNARD for the ask game >:)

HELPPP ok

first impression: ok i got into comics right around the time tim came out so my first impression was very much the general publics of "robin has a boyfriend!" i read the urban legends story about that first and thought it was fine! i liked it well enough. then bc it mentioned that bernard was a friend was high school i went back and read his original appearences and idk i just loved him... he was silly and he was posturing and nobody really liked him except tim LOL. his friendship and crush on darla was also rlly rlly sweet and i got rlly attached to the trio of them. i also rlly liked his og design w the longer hair and sunglasses. i thought the conspiracy theorist thing was rlly fun esp w how close hed get to the truth and tim would have to be like "what ur so crazy hahaha where would batman get MULTIPLE robins".

impression now: im gonna be honest my peak bernard phase was before tim drake robin started when i was really really excited to see more of this character id gotten attached to... erm. in a post tdr world ive kind of distanced myself from him bc he feels like an entirely different guy. which is fine! presumably hes aged and i wouldnt want to live like my high school self forever. that being said, the ways that he is the same feel a bit like a parody now. his conspiracies r way more outlandish and supernaturally based than they used to be, and they way theyve kind of written it so seems like he knew he was gay/bi back in highschool which doesnt rlly read as true to me having read those highschool appearances. hes just tims boyfriend, who knew he was gay before tim did and was just kind of waiting for him, i guess. i do like the chaos cult, i like that in the unspecified time away from tim his life was like. completely fucked. but now that tim is there it feels like hes just been flattened back out. the last few issues of tdr actually started focusing more on his issues specifically w his parents and the cult but. you know. cancelled.

favorite moment: he was so so scared to talk to darla he was like "losers like us cant talk to cool girls like her tim... shes friends with jocks" and then tim goes up to her and the jocks are all nice and polite normal guys and darlas like yeah u guys seem fun. and its just like. he was completely overreacting. like so much for his claims of being a social chameleon 😭 and then next issue darlas just a part of their group and theyre acting like theyve been best friends forever. i think for as much as he pretends to be like. a cool guy who doesnt care that he has no friends. its a rlly nice moment of showing that hes actually really anxious and self conscious and he wishes he could reach out to people but once he has the opportunity he latches on to ppl and doesnt let go. and i also rlly like when darla comes back and he finds out she has powers and his first reaction is like. my life sucks so bad can i come and be ur sidekick. like man:-( he was funny for it though! shoot ur shot

idea for a story: ok this is for a hypothetical "possible in comics" story and not like. a fic. so its not super bernard focused BUT they need to bring darla back now im not joking anymore where is she. idk what the status of shadowpact is post rebirth i dont think it exists anymore? but whatever. tim gets a case that leads him back to louis grieve where we can get a recap for ppl who didnt read or dont remember what happened back then. he can be like heres where i met bernard^_^ also the horrors. anyway the case has smth to do w the mob&darlas family and so he manages to get in contact w her and obviously shes like. i have no connection to that life anymore im not helping and i dont want to remember this. but reluctant team up👍 anyway bernard plays into this bc i think tim keeps it from him whats going on in the case bc he doesnt know that bernard was actually the first to know when darla came back and he doesnt want to upset him by bringing up old memories bc they Never talk about the shooting. and laura obviously isnt telling bernard bc she has no idea he and tim r dating so hes kept completely out of the loop and tim and darla/laura r NOT getting along. he keeps calling her darla and hes whinier than she remembers and theyre getting nowhere in the case bc they dont work very well together. i would also rlly want an issue where it goes over how each of them experienced the day of the shooting and there r small differences in each one to highlight how time has warped their memories and how theyre all a little unreliable. and each of them would be done by different artists 👍 anyway eventually bernard stumbles upon the case and hes pissed off at tim for keeping from him "darla was my friend too" you know. and smth he remembers about that day but the others dont (too caught up in the gang war/being robin) helps solve the case^_^ and hes able to help tim and laura get along again and they part on good terms w bernard and laura staying in touch. and at some point while he and tim r fighting he confronts tim for fucking off after the shooting and not reaching out to bernard until years later, and how bernard was completely left alone after one his best friends died and the other immediately moved away.

unpopular opinion: whyyyy does he want to be a chef its stupid sorry. emt or nurse bernard is the most important thing in the world to me i have no idea why they chose "chef" for his career path but it annoys me to no end. its another thing that just feels flat about his new character. like even if instead of being motivated by his history with unable to save darla from the shooting+the cult he was scared of wounds and violence and avoided it... why chef? idk itd be fun if he wanted to be like a radio host or smth that actually fit his personality. i think money should also be a bigger motivater for him bc he always read as like. upper middle class new money to me whos parents cut him off when he came out. like maybe if they showed him working as a line cook or an actual job i could understand him growing a passion for it but hes just like. a rich foodie. like what.

favorite relationship: he and tim i guess LOL who else does he have. him and darla for friendship and also i think it wouldve been cute if they had dated for a bit in highschool<3

favorite headcanon: i think he should be angrier at tim. for missing dates, for not telling him hes robin, for everything. hes too nice. or if theyre set on the nice thing i think it should be framed as him being a bit of a people pleaser/pushover post cult bc hes scared of tim leaving him and either way tim should have to address being kind of a shitty boyfriend. a nicer one is i think duke would be his favorite of tims siblings:-) hes not weird to bernard like i think the others would kind of be (shovel talk from dick would make me kms) and bernard never had any siblings so he kind of treats duke like a younger brother and tries to like, help duke with his homework, despite the fact that duke is definitely doing better in school than bernard did. i dont know if duke like. likes bernard but hell actually respond to his attempts at bonding unlike damian who has him blocked.

#ty for indulging me<3333 #poison.txt #ask #dc

[hasarjunadoneanythingwrong]

Iunno, it’s still static sprites that go on a pre-rigged skeleton. It isn’t that much more work. Source: I’ve literally worked on mobile game that uses similar techniques. That said the characters I worked on aren’t nearly as dynamic as they’re only seen from the waist up, but looking at limbo’s animations they need just a couple alternate arms and hands for the most part. Plus there are three variants it feels like they intended a full separate summer servant and then went with costume instead.

i debated answering this bc if i have to see more posts about this subject ill scream but im tired and petty atm and honestly feel like we're not even asking them to make MORE servants just like

instead of making it so its 7 female summer alts and 3 male costumes just make 6 female alts and one summer male alt as a test drive or something. like its frustrating to see people making posts about how the devs couldnt make more costumes for the men bc of crunch time the extra female costumes are more simple etc etc etc like that isnt really the point? the point is that constantly giving ppl 7 of one kind and 3 lesser versions of the other is unfair and people ARE allowed to wish theyd put a little less effort into one side and more into the other, even if the posts DO get annoying. like the valkyrie welfare has six alts- and yes, yes theyre all very similar with basically only the hairstyle changed but have we EVER had a male welfare with a similar amount of attention given to them? are we now not allowed to be annoyed that they couldnt...idk give tai sui his grown up form as a costume as well (which DOES have a sprite, it shows up in his np, even if theyd have to animate some more movement) without someone coming in chiding us for not being appropriately considerate of how hard the devs work?

i KNOW game development is hard and there's a lot of work that goes into it especially with how detailed and intricate fgo sprites are, but theyve persistently been given feedback that people want this and have done nothing to acknowledge it except doing in-game actions which, to the people who are asking for it, can read a lot like taunting or mockery. yeah, it's nice that they included the extra art hasendow did, but doing it for a wildly popular guy after a tidal wave of people begging for more male alts last year reads a LOT differently than the outfit for shuten douji, who has a welfare alt as well as her 'other self' in the event in a swimsuit. do you understand what im saying? ibuki and douman were released at the same time, and one was VASTLY more popular and profitable, but only one got a multi-ascension alt with a bonus costume and i think it isnt actually unreasonable for his fans to feel put out by that.

like, idk, i just think people are more upset than usual this year bc after all the fallout last year with how bad it was it had felt like fgo was actually getting more equal with how it treated it's cast-and with the announcement that there was going to be three ssrs, i legitimately thought that they WERE going to do a male summer alt, but were worried about the reception so weren't messing with the number of female summer ssrs-and i think other people thought that as well! but instead they continued with the same pattern they've always done, EXCEPT that they made 3 of the summer female alts ssrs instead of 2- which shows they're willing to buck tradition but not in the way people are asking for. the male summer alt thing isnt a new problem, they've had ample time to know that people have really really wanted it, they just dont want to do it, and its really annoying that when you complain about it you get a rush of people coming to defend the devs in various ways-they can't do summer alts of the men NOW bc what about the previous men who already got costumes, they cant do summer alts of the men NOW bc they just changed companies, they can't do summer alts of the men NOW bc they never did before, etc etc etc its just annoying like ok. i get it. you dont want to hear people complain! but if working on all these alts is so hard they can also cut down on the number of female alts...

like does this make sense? i know this is incoherent and probably whiny im just tired of whenever people are like 'hey can we actually change this annoying aspect of the game' people rush in to explain why it's impossible for it to change. they also said that about pity and quick casters and a whole bunch of other stuff that they then changed more recently, people were allowed to get their hopes up even if it was 'premature of them'

#PLEASE dont argue on this i dont want to discuss this anymore rn im tired #neg post #my asks #i know theres lots of ppl who like to gripe here (like me) #and also a lot of people who are tired of the gripers (understandable) #but if this post bothers you just....ignore it pls pls pls

[guideaus]

trigun stampede ep 2 thoughts

with how much it was emphasized stampede isnt trigun maximum the anime, or a reboot of the original, i wonder how much will be similar since the Nebraska family is there

i think its a little boring that vash had nothing to do w plants, when it couldve just been as simple as trespassing or smth. vash also being mistaken for knives feels silly when i dont think theyve ever looked the same except for when they were little, unless knives comitted the crime and went "my name is VASH THE STAMPEDE, DONT FORGET IT!" lol

vash and the kid is soo cute, love vash

the lady deciding to go against vash after ep 1 is disappointing 😭 i'd understand it happening in ep 1 (people who know nothing abt him and dont care using him to get money) but the woman fiercely defending him from reporters only to change her mind the next ep feels weird lol? even if it does go back to the original "wow he saved the town (again, 3 times, in this case)" it feels less like indifferent people changing their initial uncaring attitude w vash being his usual forgiving self, and instead like they can swing any way at any time. like if meryl came in and offered $$6,000,000, then she wouldve been like, oh sure, okay. and honestly more offensive? like vash's encounter w the ppl who offered him a ride when he was stranded, only to rob him and leave him for dead. idk i feel like its different when he has already saved their town twice as opposed to the manga where they have no reason not to chase him for money (when yeah, obviously they have a reason, but still)

the animation is fun, if anyone says theyre stiff lifeless dolls, theyre wrong

i dont really get meryl and the guy's motivation for following him. meryl feels like she has to be shes meryl from trigun, but the guy has made no objections so far??

i think its funny they nerfed the son from being a comically large villain

the birdy is cute <3

i think them changing meryl is interesting. idk if i like it or not, but shes definitely the opposite from her other counterparts, but also i have no clue why shes caring so much

the series seems a bit heavy handed so far, but i guess with some things its ok to be direct about (tho idk if thats indicative of how much time theyre allowed lmao)

i liked the scene where he looked like he was dancing

idk i kinda wish rosa didnt help that guy lmao. they probably had her do it to equal out the whole betraying vash after he's saved her like like 4 times thing, so i guess, but them partying after felt weird lmao. i feel like her cutting them off w a warning to never show their face again probably wouldve made the most sense, with this it feels like she just adopted vash's ideals

that also makes the whole ep feel kinda pointless. like i know it showed vash's conflicting ideals that'd realistically perplex anyone, but then both parties besides him also being ok (esp w/o an answer to either of their inital problems) feels weird. like are they just gonna drink and then go "oh yeah, our plant is dying" and "we have no bail money" right after... back to their original problem, and theyll target someone else or do nothing lol?

the milly replacement man is really annoying to me. he feels boring, doing nothing, and being the cliche secretly super perceptive guy despite being appearing as a drunkard or whatever. like he has me so close to ranting again abt milly being replaced.

idk what to say abt gosef presumably dying lol

#personal #trigun lb

[jeromefart]

ok so update, i just found zee and went back to pyloons saloon. i havent gotten very far but i just have so many things to say!!!!

ok so i dont know if i already mentioned this but i loveee the customization. its so in depth and i really like that you unlock small paint collections with a couple different colors/materials. and from there you can change every individual part and choose how polished they are, then you can change the ware overall. i love the vibrant coruscant color set so first, i made a silvery lightsaber with purple and pink accents with a purple blade. and same thing for bd-1. right now, i unlocked some more orangy colors so right now i have a brownish-orange saber with vibrant orange accents and an orange blade. might fuck around with it some more. and i am loving the tactical jacket that has a CAPEE. my boy is so stylish. i made his undershirt the scrapper one (because it has rolled up sleeves and only one glove) in blue. i cant wait to unlock more things and continue to play with customization. only thing is that i WISH you could save designs you make. maybe you can and i havent unlocked it yet (praying)

i really like the upgrades to the camera feature. i didnt mess with it a whole lot in fallen order but i really like how much more in depth it is. heres a picture i took

i really appreciate how much attention to detail there is. the decoration around the saloon is very nice and it feels very homey there.

also i need to mention that the subtle nods to jokes are so good. greez’s salt shaker, cal’s ponchos, THE LITERAL LIVE SLUG REACTION CREATURE (not the same one but you know.). also i must mention that the bathroom in the saloon is really cool? (and i laughed so hard when cal removed that thing from the toilet). ive never seen a star wars bathroom, except the one in disney land 😭 it was so dirty and ugly in there and it STUNK so bad and there were like 30 people in it. also the sinks were really weird and it took me a hot minute to figure out how to activate the sensor lmao

okay characters. mosey? she is so hot im gonna die. i like doma’s design. OKAY ZEE? i will die for zee. i love her so much shes the best droid ever. i love my high republic era droid and will protect her from all harm.

this game really is an upgrade in all categories. especially in cutscenes and story, it just feels much more polished and smooth. the cutscene after cal woke up was a particularly emotional one, what with the first real dig we’ve seen into cal’s emotions. we see him acting rash and emotionally, getting angry. its so interesting to see how he’s changed. and to see the rift between him and cere especially. he’s clearly avoiding it and i haven’t seen much yet, but im guessing that theyve gotten into more disagreements about how jedi should act. cere is very traditional in a lot of ways, where cal is doing what he needs to survive. from the trailers, it looks like cere’s trying to build up the jedi archives again, where cal is working with saw gurera or however you spell his name and trying to hit the empire where it hurts. cal is a man of action and that can’t be reasoned with. its just how he grew up. with the jedi order gone and him having to fend for himself and protect his identity from the ripe age of 10, he’s definitely not going to be a traditional jedi like cere, who became a master with her own padawan before it fell. she’s had more teaching and learned more lessons and overall taken away more than cal. he can’t just settle down. that’s not who he is. he needs to fight back and help others. he’s active and cere seems more passive. so anyway im excited to see where this goes.

thats about it i just wanted to sit and write my thoughts before i play too much and forget these things over more important things i’ll see later on.

#jedi survivor spoilers

[carmenlire]

aaa happy new year!! 💖 and i was thinking about jangchu for the new year too the brainrot is just too real sdkfj but i totally agree with your point. what i loved about se was that it was more of a rivalry than a typical bullying relationship that most shows do. jaeyoung was like 'im going to annoy you with my presence' rather than aim to humiliate sangwoo (except for the marker scene and even jaeyoung thought he went a bit too far). he was thrilled that sangwoo was going against him (1/2)

+ and became more curious on how sangwoo functions. if sangwoo was the type of person to apologize when jaeyoung confronted him, i think jaeyoung wouldve lost interest because like you said there isn't a challenge!! he would've let it go and went on with his life but sangwoo stood up to him and sparked jaeyoung's interest :') i think a huge part of their relationship is getting to learn more about each other.. and they learn a lot even when theyve grown old together it's so sweet 🥺 -se anon (2/2)

hello dear!! Happy New Year! I hope you had a lovely weekend and that the start of 2023 has been good to you!

and yes!! you get it!! It was a rivalry but what i love is that this is such a low stakes/angst show and i would argue even the rivalry is half-assed. i mean it's literally just 8 episodes of jaeyoung annoying sangwoo and sangwoo realizing he likes it and wants more of it lmao. their rivalry is rather short lived-- once they start the game and start getting to know each other, it very quickly just becomes these two guys who admire and respect each other (professionally for now, at first) and grows from there.

(I think this might've gotten a bit long for mobile so here's a read more lol)

i love the enemies to lovers here especially because it is so light! and you're so right pointing out that the one time jaeyoung does reach a bit beyond what he should, he acknowledges, or at least the viewer sees, that he knows that was a bit too much and from there on out it's very mild and we know confidently that jaeyoung is into sangwoo-- in a healthy way, not a manipulative jerk way.

and yes!! even jaeyoung says at first that he just wants an apology. and he probably would have gotten one from literally anyone else but sangwoo. so the fact that sangwoo is 100% convinced that he was in the right and is so obvious about sparked!!! jaeyoung's interest!! and from there it becomes "oh wow this dude is different.... tell me more" and we see that while jaeyoung's love language is lowkey just annoying the object of his affections, he's very smart (!!!) and so he engages sangwoo to 1) yeah see that spark in his eye and get a reaction and have sangwoo's attention but also 2) to learn what makes sangwoo tick.

Both Sangwoo and Jaeyoung are people who need a challenge and they find that in each other. they both have to learn to work around and with each other but it's a labor of love because they want to-- so yes, i totally KNOW that their entire lives are spent always learning about each other and even after years, that spark and curiosity is still there because 1) people are constantly evolving and 2) there's always something new to learn 3) their attraction to each other is a live thing that they both feed into.

it's seriously so sweet and i'm so happy that you saw my little new year's ramble about these two and agreed/added your own thoughts!! i really do love the show but half the fun of semantic error is just the sheer possibilities of these characters. i just find them endlessly fascinating and have a grand time thinking about them. because on the surface they fit their archetypes! but the actors? the content? just gives them so much meaning and complexity and i can't get enough!

#thanks so much for these messages!!!! #i always love hearing from you! #sorry it took me so long to respond #this week has been kinda full! #asked #answered #anon #se anon #semantic error meta #my writing tag #? eh we'll go with it

[moveslikejaggeria]

i hope the porn bots that follow me enjoy my little self indulgent tirades

i deactivated my instagram accounts the same night i made my last post. i deleted the discord app. why, you might ask yourself, and the answer is just…selfishness i guess. i got tired of the opportunity of people reaching out to me and just, not, so i closed the door entirely. makes it easier that way.

originally i thought i was going to die so returning didnt matter but here i am now, two weeks(-ish) later, still alive. then i thought i’ll watch avatar, and then i’ll reopen the account. except life really isnt that kind.

one of my coworkers—my ultimate favorite—asked me if i had gotten a mole on my face tested. i was confused, because i monitor my moles pretty closely; theyre scary and skin cancer runs in my family. i went home and spent the rest of the day taking pictures and looking in the mirror and poking and prodding and ultimately i was scared. its in my hairline, so i couldnt see it too well. i knew it was there but since i was relying solely on the sense of touch, it didnt seem that bad. its huge. and dark. and also white in some places. not good signs.

i dont like moles. in fact, i hate them. i hate what they represent, how they scare me, and how i cant just pick em off. i had one removed for cosmetic reasons way way back (it returned prepre cancerous, so nothing to worry about, but…not Great) but of course theyve returned with a vengeance and completely covered my body. luckily i got in with a dermatologist so theyll take a look at it and maybe take some of it for testing and hopefully they’ll look at the rest of my body and then look me in the eyes and say “you have nothing to worry about. you are healthy” but like that’ll help calm any nerves.

speaking of cancer, my mom has been updating me on my grandfather since she casually announced he has prostate cancer. i know different people deal with these things in different ways but it just feels so jarring to go from “how are you” to “oh just by the way, theyre testing to see if the cancer spread to his bones” or “we’re getting the whole family together next week bc we dont know if we’ll ever get to truly be together ever again so you should request off work on those days”. im worried about him. im (selfishly worried ~i~ have cancer)

so i delayed my return to social media even though i finished avatar bc i just dont know if i can go out on internet public and pretend that everything is okay. nothing has been okay for three years. im dealing with financial independence from my parents, my rapidly declining health, the loneliness of being away from my friends at school, and crushing mental illness. my mom keeps saying she did it—everyone had to go through this at some point: multiple minimum wage jobs and the stress of school, but she (and a lot of others) didnt have to deal with eating disorders. with a body that doesn’t cooperate. stress excema, stress vomiting, AND stress headaches/migraines.

have i talked about how much monkey pox scares me? im constantly itchy (dry skin) and my brain goes: you have monkey pox. you have it. every pimple is dissected and pinched until im like “okay. fine”. ive stopped wearing my mask at work and honestly its made me give up on covid. props to me for holding out for two plus years, but i cant do it anymore. not when absolutely no one cares. theres a new disease in town, covid, move out the way.

[kerink]

Please talk about Earl and Roger I BEG

bro earls the love of my life. im an earl stan first and a human second. where do i even start? how do i even vomit my entire love of him, all my thoughts of him, into one ask? heres a summary

the vast majority of my time is spent daydreaming about how pathetic he is. about how in love with cecil he is. about how angry he is that his role in cecils life is not to be cecils husband.

hes hundreds if not thousands of years old. he grew up with cecil, theyve been attached at the hip since they were kids. he and cecil were inseparable best friends.

he remembers the abuse cecil went though, remembers the struggles of being raised by abby. he was there when cecil left home and got the best apartment he could afford on an interns salary (not good). he was there when cecil struggled with drugs and alcohol and parties and a rotating cast of older, much older, men. he was there when city council first scrambled cecils brain.

earls parents felt bad for the palmers but were helpless. abby and cecil would only accept so much, and the harlans watched as their deteriorating family pulled earl down with them. earl not only never went to college or got a job or had a family. he got stuck. he stayed 19 with cecil because thats what cecil needed. cecil was grappling with his lost childhood and fear of adulthood and earl refused to leave him. earls life stagnated because earl was too in love to abandon cecil in his trauma

and then city council reset cecil. they couldnt have their Voice, the conduit to their god, so broken

and cecil moved on

but earl had based his life around cecil. his whole identity was being cecils best friend and his main support person. his entire future was based on the idea that he was going to save cecil and they'd get married and itd all be okay

then slowly cecil forgot him and they drifted apart and then earl was the one stuck. the one with the lost childhood and the fear of the future. so thats where he stayed. 19 and the scout master and aimless. for so long it makes him cold and a bit sick to think about

and then he suddenly wasnt anymore. he woke up and the life he never had but maybe could have had was dropped in his lap. he was an adult, presumably had some training or education, had a good job. he was living in a nice enough house instead of the shitty trailer hed been living in.

he had a kid? a kid he wishes he could pretend was his and cecils but looks like him line for line, curve for curve, angle for angle. earl would have thought it was him except he doesnt remember this. maybe this isnt a kid, maybe this is the ghost of the childhood he never had

except this kid seems to actually need and want things and fuck earl can barely take care of himself. he only used to working as a volunteer, then goofing off the rest of the time. hes not used to having sometimes up to 80 hour work weeks. working and then NOT being able to come home and get drunk and fall asleep in front of the tv? hows he meant to cope with it all?

and then he hears cecils fallen in love with another man. cecils thought he was in love with other men before, but this ones different, this sounds different, earl can hear it in the sigh of his voice, the same way cecil would sigh his name laying in their tent at night staring at each other blissed out and exhausted after sex

and he hates carlos. not for being the one cecil chose (no earl hates himself for that. he hates himself for not being better, not being good enough, not having been chosen by god to play that role in cecils life) but for being a workaholic, for leaving for the desert otherworld. earl watched the life cecil had finally built for himself fall to pieces while carlos was gone. and earl was so happy, so thankful, so grateful that things in his own life worked out so he could slot himself back in to cecils life again, could prop him back up, could give him a shoulder to cry on, to be there to bring him food and make sure he hasnt over dosed.

coming to terms with having to accept that loving someone means wanting them to be happy, even if its with someone else. being a good friend means protecting a good thing. means catering the wedding for the love of your life. means giving a speech and being the best man. means truly believing it when you say im happy for you two means accepting that the role you were meant to play was what youd always been: his best friend

#long post / #wtnv #earl harlan #sorry i dont really thinkg about roger that much

[figuringouthowtobehere]

to people with access to high-level education

if you went to/are in college, if you went to/are in university, if you went to/are in any form of high-level educational institution, including taking college/uni courses:

you have an incredible privilege. you are likely unaware of the ways your high-level education has impacted the ways you think about yourself, others, concepts, and opinions. you are likely unaware of how you come off to people less ‘educated’ than you. you likely think that education and ‘educational’ institutions can never be separated. you likely abuse this privilege on a daily basis, and aren’t aware of it; and you likely don’t care to listen when called out. every person i have ever met - except one person who has been doing and is doing a shit ton of work so as to not abuse their privilege - who has had any form of high-level education abuses the privilege the have in having access to high-level education. every person i have ever met who’s had any form of access to high-level education is obnoxious about their opinions, uses inaccessible language, makes their opinions inaccessible and incomprehensible to anyone and everyone without the same level of knowledge about that subject, does not listen when anyone without that same level of knowledge on that subject presents even a slightly opposing opinion, perspective, or experience, AND cannot hear it when anyone - but especially less ‘educated’ people - try to call them out on their behaviour and how privileged, stagnant, reductive, ableist, and colonial their behaviour has been. 

i have called out many people who’ve had access to high-level education on how their behaviour while ‘engaging’ with me as a ‘less-educated’ person (i dropped out of high school when i was 16, i have a grade 9 education and i will likely never return to any form of formal education) was/is demeaning, ableist, reductive, condescending and/or just Awful - i am usually met with insults, yelling, being called a retard (i am Autistic so that one has particularly stung), being told im wrong and i have no place to even discuss x unless ive gotten a bachelors in that subject (which i am literally unable to do for a variety of reasons) - usually the subject is film which ive been studying for quite a while and, in the majority of these discussions, am more knowledgeable than the other person is about actual film crap (idk everything tho and am always quick to say that) - and being ‘one-upped’ with inaccessible language and irrefutable arguments that are only irrefutable because i dont have access to the studies, textbooks, lectures, language, history, discussions, etc that they do. 

if you have/have had access to any form of high-level education:

you are privileged. it is your job, especially if you were recently in uni/college of any sort or are currently in uni/college of any sort, to use the access that you have for good. find ways to make your knowledge accessible to cognitively impaired people, people who are HoH or d/Deaf, poor people, PoCs who have faced violence through education systems, neurodivergent people (autistics, adhders, people with tourette’s, i could go on) who understand the world in ways that theyre made to feel bad or ‘less’ about or that there’s usually no space for them to learn in formal education systems, people who had to drop out of school, people who dont speak english or are learning it as a second language, pretty much EVERYONE who has any interest in whatever youve studied/are studying - your job as someone in uni or college is to do what you can to make your access accessible to the people who the state has deemed unworthy of it for whatever reason. it is your job to bring into your mind and your life and the way you engage with knowledge the Fact that knowledge ≠ bachelors degrees, phds, mds, textbooks, lectures, academia, etc; that there are many different forms of knowledge and each and every one of them is valid, beautiful, important, and worthy of attention. it is your job to listen to people like me, people who do not/will not have that access when we tell you you’re being condescending, or patronizing, or whatever, due to your access and then work to be better. because you can. you can be better. you can do better. you have power. you dont just have privilege, in your access, but you have Power. in pretty much every situation, if both you and i are in a group discussion, the other people in that discussion are pretty much guaranteed to listen to you vs me about anything and everything - given that they know you were/are in higher education and i didnt graduate secondary school - they’re gonna listen to more of what you say and brush me off. it’s likely they wont even be doing this consciously, that its just how theyve become wired to engage with that situation, but they will be doing it. it is your job to make space for the opinions, ideas, experiences, and knowledge of people who dont have access to your ‘education’, because its very likely that nobody else is. but when you, someone who’s had access to a bachelors degree program, or took a few college courses in clinical psychology, or whatever, when you say ‘wait, listen to them, they have knowledge too and its not more important than mine’ people are gonna fucking listen. 

be better. im tired of being brushed off. my knowledge is just as important, valid, and useful as someone with four phds and an md, or whatever the fuck.

be better.

#be better #rant #academia #call out #call in #phd #md #bachelor #ba #degrees #institutions #education #forms of education #actually autistic #cognitive impairment #access #accessibility #do better #you can do better #uni #college #post secondary #university #university education #college education #higher education #post secondary education #post secondary school #school #knowledge

[heyitsyn]

White Carnation

Ex!Iwaizumi Hajime x Reader

a/n: iwa-chan being your ex is so painful and numbing

huhuhu angst isnt my forte but this is an exception bc chi is my sista

anon request: ex-boyfriend/childhood friend iwaizumi would be super angsty but i have no idea what they’d fight about ,, now imagine if after being kitaichi’s manager/medic, reader becomes karasuno’s medic/temporary manager (until kiyoko got recruited),, then she couldn’t come to the seijoh practice match so she has no idea her team fought her ex,,, only to find out during inter-high and everyone’s like wtf??? that spiky haired ace is your ex?? meanwhile kageyama’s like “yall didn’t know?” — chi

ong this finna be painful

so

its always been the three of you

with living across the oikawas came great perks

even way before you could remember, you were always with the 2 other boys: your neighbor across your house, tooru, and his best friend who practically lived there, hajime

hajime first saw you when you were covered in dirt after you were trying to catch a butterfly for tooru at the back and oikawa pushed you out of the way into a puddle of mud when he saw a bug

iwa stared at you then immediately said ‘my name is iwaijumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

yep thats really how it went

and poor babie didnt know how to pronounce his ‘z’s yet so it sounds like ‘j’s :(

while tooru liked you because you werent like other girls who stayed inside and played dolls instead playing outside

you played with him at his back yard with the volleyball he owned and always made him laugh and have fun

iwa liked you because you didnt shy away from bugs, instead you were braver than tooru and even helped iwa look for any beetles and caught them for him to keep as pets

they liked you because you were like them

you were like one of the bois

but that kinda hurt you in the future

as you all grew up, you started going through yanno teenager things

like you started to have crushes

specifically on your best friend, iwaizumi hajime

thankfully tooru didnt see you like that and still saw you as one of the bois and saw you as that annoying twin sister

but unfortunately, iwa did too

every time you made an effort to do something to emphasize that you were, hello, a girl, he would laugh and tease you

‘hehe i didnt think you even knew what a dress was!’

was his comment when you came over wearing a yellow sundress with flats

tooru, who you shared these secrets with, gave you a worried glance but you smiled, covering up the hurt

‘meh. my mom forgot to dry my clothes so i had to wear these old clothes’

no, they werent old

they were just bought yesterday with the intention of finally being recognized as girl and complimented

but the person it was for, couldnt even be bothered to remember that you werent just one of the boys and that you possibly wanted to be told that you were pretty or cute

your other best friend noticed your quietness and he stood up from his crouching position and placed a hand on your shoulder, making you look at him

your teary eyes made him sigh but he grinned at you

‘its really pretty, y/n-chan! you should wear it more often! pretty things deserve to be seen and complimented’

god why couldnt you have a crush on oikawa tooru instead

why did it have to be towards the boy who was too caught up with catching bugs and playing ball to ever see you differently and has never said a single praise towards you?

‘what do you think, iwa-chan? isnt she pretty?’

oikawa hinted but hajime remained his eyes on the tv as the players hit the ball, too distracted to even be bothered to look at you

‘she looks the same’

he mumbled and your nose stung and eyes watered, looking down to hide the wobbling of your lips

‘its okay, kawa-chan. can i wear your clothes for now? i dont like this dress thats why i never wore it’

oikawa tried to stop you but you were already straight up the stairs and towards his room

he angrily stomped over to iwa and slapped his arm, startling the other boy and him snarling in pain

‘what the-’

‘youre so dumb. youre so mean. i wonder where she went wrong and what she saw. seriously’

he ranted and moved to sit back on the floor but not before kicking iwaizumi, making him fall on his side

‘OI KUSOKA-’

‘so whos winning?’

your voice interrupted iwa’s mid-scream and he looked up from the floor to see you wearing an alien hoodie and a pair of basketball shorts that were a little too loose so they drooped by your knees

your originally curled and elegantly braided hair was now pulled up into a bun by a scrunchie that you left around the house from years ago

there was a bit of redness around your eyes and iwa scrambled up to check if you were okay since your face looked swollen

‘oi, did you eat something weird? your face is all red so youre probably having a reaction’

he fretted and you watched as his hands glided across your face and held you by the shoulders to take a closer look

‘yea, a reaction from a bad reaction’

thankfully iwa was too busy checking to hear oikawa snarkily whisper and you sent him a glare that made him quiet down

‘haji-kun, im fine’

you dismissed and side stepped to go sit next to oikawa, completely brushing him off

now iwa was confused

you would usually smile up at him, say ‘aw~ are you worried about me, haji-kun?’ then skip over 

not frown and act so coldly

‘oi, y/n, what-’

‘lets go to the bakery! theres a sale going on there!’

oikawa shouted which made you jolt in surprise

he knew of his best friend’s beginning interrogation but he knew you were too upset to be bothered by hajime’s questions

‘they have a buy one get one sale on milk bread! and those-those treats you like! theyre on sale too!’

omg oikawa is a real one 🥺

oikawa blinked harshly at you to go along with the act and you stuttered and nodded

‘uh-eung! yea!’

that was probably the moment that iwaizumi started noticing

except he thought it was a pining between his best friends rather than you towards him

ofc iwa was a loyal friend

he thought that you and oikawa were two people who were crushing on each other yet too afraid to say anything

tbh he shouldve seen this coming because duh you were an incredibly pretty girl and oikawa was the handsomest guy in the whole area!

it was almost,,, natural for you both to gravitate towards each other

maybe thats why,,,

he started to distance himself to give you both the space and want without him in between

maybe thats why,,,

he started to feel these feelings of,, jealousy?? like he started to feel a little scared and honestly he wasnt sure who to be jealous of bc he knew once you started dating, you’d both be too busy to hang out with him

maybe thats why,,,

he was no longer your friend 

iwaizumi hajime became a simple stranger you would just pass by in the hall

it happened around the 2nd year of middle school

you and oikawa were still close friends but you have drifted away into not being as close while you and iwaizumi became,,,, distant

basically strangers

the boy you used to dream about when you were 8 and dreamt of marrying once you were old enough

he was no longer him

before, you and iwa were actually really close without oikawa

like you would hang out when oikawa was too busy with takeru

you both would go to the arcade and play games with no fear of oikawa whining and complaining to take turns

you had a lot of fun together and yet, all of a sudden, everything stopped

because iwa knew how,,, possessive oikawa was

he thought that if he were to continue being friends with you, he would risk losing his best friend out of jealousy or misunderstandings and he didnt want that precious bond to be ruined by a girl

even if that girl,,,

was you

thats why it was so awkward when you came over to oikawa’s house after so long and seeing him there, eating breakfast in the kitchen

your best friend didnt want to tell you that iwa spent the night bc quite frankly, oikawa was already fed up with this

you think he didnt know?

you think he didnt know that iwa distanced himself due to an unknown misunderstanding?

you think he didnt know that you also distanced yourself due to being hurt as he casted you aside?

and oikawa was also worried

he didnt want to ever bring up your name with iwa bc to be honest, he didnt think iwa even liked you all that much

he thought that iwa only tolerated you for so long bc you were the only girl who wasnt in love with oikawa and knew you long enough to be comfortable w you

but babie oiks is misunderstood that :(

he didnt want to ever bring up his name with you bc he knew how sensitive it was for you and how sad and pained you were when he suddenly stopped even replying to your texts

one time when you cornered him, he looked angry and gently pushed you back and quickly walked away 

no he was scared that oikawa could see you both and misunderstand

‘just,,, stay away from me, okay? its better this way’

god you wanted to scream at him and shout at him and punch him but he kept silent and refused to answer your questions and refused to acknowledge your existence

you were so confused and you were just so hurt and eventually, you became indifferent to him and treated him the same way

anyways

you stepped into the house, not even bothering to shout your arrival and quickly wandered through the hallway before turning the corner to go to the kitchen 

but you stopped, seeing the familiar hair with olive eyes eating breakfast on the kitchen island, also stopping with his chopsticks halfway to his mouth at the sight of you

your gazes clashed and you blinked before your lips formed into a thin line, turning and going to the fridge and look for food

iwa wasnt surprised

he figured you were both getting closer to dating and you were already basically living in his house

it all makes sense

BRUH THEYVE BEEN FRIENDS SINCE THEY WERE LTR BORN LIKE BLS THEYRE JUST SIBLINGS

MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

‘h-how are you’

he mumbled, trying to fix the awkward silence while cursing inside of how long oikawa was taking to shit

you hummed, taking a water bottle and slamming the fridge door shut, harder than necessary

‘oh, now you see me?’

you really didnt mean for it to be a snarky comment but it came out before you even realized what you said

he winced

‘listen, im-’

‘oh? youre here, y/n-chan!’

oikawa’s voice cut him off and he returned back to his bowl of rice, leaving you standing there furrowing your brows

you shrugged, already knowing that hajime was like this, so you turned to look at oikawa with a wrinkled nose at the sound of the toilet flushing

‘tooru, did you drink straight milk again? you know how it makes your stomach upset’

you chided and tooru turned red at the implication of his dookie

‘o-oi! y/n-chan! of course id know if i was lactose intolerant!’

i just think how funny it would be like the irony of his love for milk bread yet being lactose intolerant at the same time 

he huffed and you nodded but not exactly believing him

‘kay kay’

you teased and walked to the living room but oikawa caught you in a headlock and he ruffled your hair while you complained and whined to let you go

you were giggling as tooru was giving you noogies, feeling the tension leave your body

all while iwa was watching

maybe it was because he stopped hanging out with you and havent seen you like this for almost  a year

so carefree and so happy as you scored higher than him at the hoop game and he would begrudgingly let you hug him when he managed to win you a doll from the claw machine

but yea he definitely forgot your smile

he forgot how it looked like bc the last time you met gazes, you sent him a hurt glance and looked away and he knew he deserved that

god he hated it

but no, he was doing this for tooru

he was doing this because his best friend liked someone who actually deserved him

but dear god why did it hurt

iwa was starting to wonder if he made the right choice

he could easily handle you two dating

right?

maybe that was when iwa started to realize,,, he was starting to feel different towards you

the time apart definitely made him remember why he was friends with you

you weren’t like those girls he saw in tv or outside with the frilly clothes and the makeup and the fancy hair

no that wasnt you

you were different

you were too lazy to even pick out a cute outfit, opting for comfort with one of their sweatshirts and sweatpants

you preferred to chase after butterflies rather than sitting inside bc hajime’s adventurous spirit latched itself on to you too

you would usually climb the tree to get the volleyball that got stuck up in the branches bc tooru was too scared of heights and you wanted to prove your strength and capability

god you were so different

what if you liked him instead?

iwa startled himself with that thought in the middle of eating and caused him to choke on his rice

tooru noticed him coughing violently so he grabbed the water bottle from your hand and threw it straight towards the boy

iwa snapped the cap open,not caring where that water came from, and chugged it down before sighing in relief after the quite scary situation

you then realized what happened and you turned red, speedwalking into the living room

oiks totally didnt do that on purpose and he was doing the lenny face at you before switching masks and wearing a worried one for iwa

‘iwa-chan! you need to slow down!’

he chided and iwaizumi yelled at him to be quiet, completely clueless to the fact that he just shared an indirect kiss with you

but you did and lordie did you hate it

from then on,,,

iwa was just seeing you everywhere

iwa saw you from his classroom when you would go hang out with your new friends outside 

he noticed you not even being too loud, only speaking up when asked while the others opted to continue talking about nonsense you probably gave no care about with how you secretly rolled your eyes

those moments made him laugh

the next time you both ran into each other was during his morning practice

oikawa phoned you in the morning while you were getting ready, saying he accidentally left his knee pads at home and he was already at school but you werent so he wanted you to bring them to him

you knew damn well that iwaizumi hajime would be there but you didnt care because youre not even friends anymore after he just dropped you like that

YES SISTER WE DESERVE BETTER

so thats why you found yourself pushing the metal gym door open at 6 in the morning and shouting oikawa’s name

his eyes brightened at your voice and he dropped the ball to run towards you by the door

‘oh my god thank you so much, y/n-chan!’

he shouted and hugged you out of excitement while you cringed and hit him to get off of you

‘ew dont touch me trashykawa’

you mumbled and he whined, finally stepping away with a pout

iwa was watching you both from the side and he blinked, wondering if you were trying a new hairstyle

if not, then you changed something bc currently, you practically glowing to him

he watched you scold oikawa for being forgetful and him begging for forgiveness but also thanking you before he was scoldede again by the coach

but the coach was relieved that he could finally play with the proper equipment and not risk anymore injuries

oikawa was already bidding you good bye and you were about to turn to leave when you finally met the many gazes of iwaizumi hajime

your eyebrows unconsciously furrowed together and your lips turned to a frown then you sharply turned and walked through the doors

unbeknownst to him, oikawa watched as his best friend’s face turned hurt at your expression and remained staring at the door you just went out of even when you were already gone

‘iwa-chan, lets get to practice’

after that 

iwa has concluded god has decided to be mean to him

bc who was giving him these weird heart attacks and tummy aches at the simple sight of you?

literally he ignored you for a good time yet now hes noticing you again?

what kinda unfairness-

but you proved to accept his previous behavior by not even giving him a single glance anymore

that made him sad so iwa would sometimes stop doing what hes doing so he could freely stare at you laugh at something a classmate said during class

thats totally not creepy iwa lol

he doesnt even know hes doing it sometimes bc hes so absorbed on trying to figure out the answers of his questions

but the worst was when he got caught

you sat at the very front and oikawa and iwa sat at the back 

it was lunchtime and you were eating with a few girls and a guy from another class and yall were laughing and talking together

iwa had oikawa and these other guys makki and matsukawa from the class next door to eat lunch with

can i please just dream that our third year seijoh boys were actually friends since the very beginning like pls and thanks

oikawa was rambling about how some girl giving him cookies the other day when he noticed iwa not listening but staring at you while moving his chopsticks around

poor iwa-chan was confused as to how even with messy hair, you still looked beautiful?

like no matter what angle or how you turned, the light always seemed to hit you perfectly to accent out your features

how was that possible?

‘-and she just-iwa-chan? iwaizumi?’

he called out and said boy jolted, eyes widening at the confused, bored, and knowing eyes

‘hm?’

‘oh? were you looking at y/n-chan?’

oikawa teased and the gojira fanboy waved his hands around to deny that statement

but makki chuckled and leaned in

‘hm, wouldnt blame ya. shes really pretty you know? some guy in our class saw the girls ranking and shes in the top 5′

okay iwa was angry

was it because everyone else noticed how pretty you are?

was it because you were part of this list?

was it because his own friend said you were pretty?

why did he even care anyways?!

oikawa smirked at the clenched fist under the table and decided to poke fun even more

‘oh really? well, it doesnt really matter because its always the girl’s decision right? but most of the time, their choice is utter trash’

the meme duo shared a confused look

‘hah? what are you going on about, oikawa’

oikawa internally apologized to you after what hes about to do because hes so tired and exhausted of having to be so careful and walking on eggshells between you two

so he did an oikawa move

‘yanno how y/n-chan and i have been friends since we were little ducklings right? so ages ago, like ages ago, little y/n-chan had a crush on this brute bc for some reason she thought he was brave or something and apparently thats appealing to girls rather than the nice and gentlemanly type. but of course, yanno how this goes, he pooped up and now hes stuck on doing this weird stalking staring thing. right, iwa-chan~?’

okay im sorry i take it back oikawa is a bitch

iwa shook

you,,, had a what on who?!

a crush on him?!

is he the brute?!

so it wasnt oikawa?

it was to him?

then why did you act like that?

why did you both act like that?

‘what’

iwaizumi mumbled and he met oikawa’s pointed gaze

‘hmm,,,, you dont have to worry about it anymore though since theyre not even friends anymore. but listen to me and listen well, makki, mattsun, if you hurt a girl even once, theyre never going to forget it. my sister said that apparently theres this little voice in their head that tells them that theyre going to get hurt again and thats where their trust issues begin to develop and--IWA-CHAN WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!’

iwa was already out of his seat and straight walking towards you and your group before stopping beside your chair

your friends quieted down at the sight of the known boy and you blinked then turned your head to see him, your eyes instantly turning dark and looking away immediately

‘what the hell do you want’

you hissed and natsu almost choked on his rice ball if it wasnt for another girl patting his back

‘it was me, right? all along, not oikawa, but me?’

his meek voice made you look up in confusion

‘what are you talking-’

‘you chose me instead him’

then it was like a click that you realized what he said

‘how did you know’

‘i-i’

he stuttered but was cut off when the teacher finally arrived to announce the end of lunch and iwa was forced to go back to his seat

the whole class time, you would sneak glances back and iwa would be staring at his paper while oikawa would wink at you and give you smirks

OH GOD HE TOLD HIM

after class you stomped up to the brunette haired boy 

‘how could you?! why did you tell-’

‘lets talk, y/n? please?’

iwa was holding your arm and you glared at him before turning away and walking away

oikawa patted him on the shoulder in good luck and whispered,

‘get your girl’

the rooftop ledge looked really delicious right now

no words were exchanged so you were both just silent with you staring at him while he was looking off to the side

‘so what? now you know and so what do you want?’

you spoke first and iwa guiltily met your eyes

‘everything was,,, a mess. i misunderstood and i didnt communicate and i,,, messed up’

he mumbled the last part but you caught it perfectly causing you to scoff

‘damn right you did. so now you know and then youre going to do the cliche thing they do in those dramas where you magically profess your love for me and-’

‘hey y/n lets date’

you froze and looked at him shocked with wide eyes and jaw dropped

‘excuse me? who are you to say that?!’

you shrieked

‘first you think i have some big crush on tooru and this caused you to basically drop me like a damn pencil and second youre asking me to date you? iwaizumi hajime i thought you were always the smarter one. what the hell are you spouting you damn imbecile-’

iwa did the only thing he thought of

he quickly leaned forward and pecked your lips

he saw some guy do it in a telenovela that his mom watched a week ago and that was how the girl got silent so iwa thought it would be smart to shut you up that way

and it worked

bc you were so conflicted: angry, confused, sad, happy

you was the whole range of emotions in one second

‘i was stupid. and i was dumb. i wanted to give you and shittykawa space because i thought he liked you and he would be mad and misunderstand if we continued hanging out without him. but you shouldve told me you liked me, baka. maybe i wouldve come to like you back’

iwa rambled but your eyes watered and you huffed, slapping him across the face but pulled his collar to kiss him again

tbh iwa was shook bc he got 2 kisses in a row today and hes never been kissed before and its from this really pretty girl

‘how dare you kiss me and still not like me’

you seethed when you pulled away

but iwa held your hands

‘im starting to come to. give me time and i’ll accept your confession’

and give him time you did bc you finally were able to try and mend that friendship again and soon, you were already starting to fall back in love with him 

but iwa also

during the end of your 2nd year, iwa nervously tugged you to the rooftop and you smirked

‘what? you gonna profess your love for me haji-kun?’

you teased and expected him to laugh and smack you gently but he didnt

he turned red and he looked down at his shoes as he magically produced a flower out of nowhere

‘please accept me, y/n!’

he shouted while holding out the single white carnation

your eyebrows scrunched and you grabbed the flower from his hands before punching him weakly

‘stupid! stupid haji-kun! i already accepted you! since we were five! how could you not see my feelings’

you whimpered, trying to hide the blush on your face but he smothered you to a hug, making you both topple over in the process

you had the cliched term of ‘summer love’

of course you still hung out with tooru but you both would hang out other days just you both

like you and iwa liked going over to some old playground by your house and you both would watch the sky on top of the slide assembly while talking about stupid stuff and the future

‘haji-kun, do you know what you want to be when youre old?’

you asked and he turned his head to look at you but you were focused on the stars

‘gojira’

he simply replied and you giggled, reaching over to hit his chest

‘baka. you cant be gojira-san’

iwa found himself giggling with you before he reached down to softly interwine your fingers and hold them up to look at them

‘hm, i dont really know. maybe a volleyball player. or someone in the volleyball team, i dont know’

you hummed, knowing him and tooru’s shared love for the sport

‘i wanna be a doctor. i want to save lives and help people and make money too! my mothers friend offered to intern me but apparently im still too young’

you pouted

iwa listened to you but then a lightbulb rang in his head

‘oi, y/n’

he started and you looked at him

‘you can be our manager. or medic. or doctor person. that bastard is going to push himself even harder because naoki-senpai gave him that damn position and he might kill himself trying to beat that farmer dude. besides, shittykawa is going to be the captain next year and i’ll be vice so youd easily get it anyways. so you in?’

you blinked at him before breaking out to a smile

‘eung! i wanna see my baby play what he loves!’

iwa’s face contorted to disgust

‘bABy?! iM nOt a BABY! im A mAn!! mAN!!’

‘mhm, okay. my mans, haji bara arms is my mans’

your relationship is very balanced with the perfect ratio of crackhead and seriousness and understanding bc as we ALL KNOW EVERYTHING STARTED W A MISUNDERSTANDING

like if he accidentally said something that hurt your feelings like that dress incident from years ago btw you brought it up to him and told him you were practically traumatized by that and he kept on apologizing and appearing at your doorstep with a white carnation in apology you would gently tell him bc communication is K E Y and he would tell you sorry and you guys would understand and make up

you guys were so lovey dovey that ltr oikawa would fake gag and throw up to the side when he catches you guys even doing things like holding hands

like bls he sees that flesh to flesh contact and he wretches his breakfast

‘ew, its the settling down for me’

‘its the flatness of the ass for me’

you stuck your tongue out while he pouted and iwa looked so proud like oml

you guys were still at the honeymoon phase where everything was peaches and rainbows and it continued until your 3rd year

as mentioned above, iwa basically gave you the managerial position

like yall were walking to school during the first day talking about how worried yall were at passing your classes when suddenly he was all like ‘ill see you in the gym later?’

you smiled and blinked confusingly

‘hm? you want a cheerleader there, baby?’

he flushed red at the nickname and furrowed his eyebrows

‘baka, stop calling me that’

you giggled and dodged his gentle smack but he grabbed your hand and pulled you close to his chest

‘i thought we already agreed that you would be our medic slash manager? i mean, it could give you experience for the future right?’

you rested your chin on his front to look up at him and your face held a teasing smirk

‘hmmm~~~ haji-kun just admit it. you want me to be there to cheer you on~’

you teased and nuzzled your cheek on him

iwa scoffed but he couldnt help a soft smile appearing

‘i mean-yea, but its for the future so ill help you every way i can’

‘oya? the future? will you marry me in the future, haji-kun?’

‘MARRY?! HOW DID YOU GET MARRY OUT OF THAT, BRAT’

‘AAWWWWW DONT BE SUCH A TSUNTSUN HAJI-KU-ACKDKJFSLKJNOT THE HAIR!!!’

sure enough you were at the gym after school

the coaches knew you werent a fangirl of oikawa bc hes seen you since the very beginning and oikawa clears you are actually a sister to him and you were fit for the job

ofc hes captain and someone as good as oikawa was going to get what he wants

the gym was full of newbies and recruits hoping to get into the powerhouse team and your eyes scanned to find those ridiculously pretty olive eyes that belonged to your beloved-

‘HAJI-KUN~~!!!’

you waved and shouted loudly, gaining his and everyone else’s attention as well

the underclassmen cooed and awed at you bc their senpai who was famous for being really pretty was in the building

‘waaaa its l/n-senpai’

‘shes so pretty’

‘oMG shes righT iN FroNT oF me!!’

yea you get the gist

the poor ‘haji-kun’ was shrinking under the attention and was growling at oikawa’s teasing look but he begrudgingly held his arms out for you to run into them and snuggle into him

‘hmmm i missed you, haji-kun. im really sad we’re in different classes this year. but then again! i can be here with you!’

you pouted and he ruffled your hair affectionately

‘why else do you think i offered it brat’

oikawa rolled his eyes and gagged before taking your arm to the coach so he could sort you out

‘honestly! not in front of the children, okay?!’

but everything was quickly resolved and you were finally officially their manager/medic

you did managerial duties and you were the go-to when someone falls harshly or gets hurt in any way

in between homework, school, reading medical books, and practice, you and iwa havent spent a lot of time together and tbh that was quite straining your relationship??

like it was something that you saw coming and you both even had a talk about it but you still feel like you didnt prepare enough when it did come

one day, it was monday and there was no practice so you and iwa were walking home together

he squeezed your hand occassionally and you would sing and hum while walking

and omg his heart would balloon up when you would smile up at him and giggle when you would catch him staring

he honestly thought youd both hang out and just lay on the couch, snuggle, yanno the routine

but once you pulled out your textbooks, notebooks, and pens, he was confused

like he even held your hands and stopped you from pulling anything else out

‘y/n? i thought we were,, watching a movie or something?’

you blinked and shook your head

‘i need to study for a test and i still need to memorize how to treat a sprain, haji-kun. there’s more important things to do right now. maybe later?’

more important things?!

more important than showering you with love?

more important than even spending a second with him?

now, dont get him wrong, iwaizumi hajime was by no means a clingy and possessive boyfriend

he understood the boundaries and he understood the priorities

but dear god its been WEEKS since he even hung out w you since your entire schedule seemed to throw him out of loop and acted as if he didnt exist

and now, he was aggrivated and irritated and he wanted nothing but to just cuddle his girlfriend

you noticed his huff and pout but he remained silent

you quirked an eyebrow and placed your pen down

‘haji? whats wrong?’

his eyes snapped to you and you knew now he was angry

‘oh? were you able to spare a few seconds for dear old me?’

you were taken aback and you knew there was a fight brewing so you hid your growing irritation and calmly put your things aside

‘hajime, what are you on about?’

you pried and he looked shocked, almost offended

‘what am i on about? what am i on about? y/n, do you know the last time i even came over? the last time i held you and just talked?’

his voice got louder by every word and you quickly stood up 

‘dont you dare raise your voice at me, hajime. if we have a problem, we talked over it calmly. we dont yell or shout, nothing gets resolved. we talked about this’

but he scoffed

‘talked? when was that? when did we actually just talk? hm? because I sure as hell dont remember it’

youve only seen hajime angry once and it was when you lied to him to go spend time with oikawa

okay in your defense, oikawa was having a panic attack and he begged you not to tell iwa because he didnt want to be scolded by iwa even though you kept telling him that iwa wasnt like that

and theres a reason as to why its only been a one-time thing because iwa was known to have patience that was as long as the damn nile river

except for oikawa bc it seems oikawa just cuts that patience by a million

and when he finally snaps, its when he couldnt take it anymore and he finally gets loose

when iwaizumi hajime was angry,  you really done it

you didnt really know how you handled that anger so you were at a loss and you were feeling conflicted and pained at the way he looked at you

‘h-hajime,,,’

you started and he looked at you expectantly

‘well? when did we last actually talk outside the school premises y/n?’

there was that inner witty voice of yours that wanted to say ‘right now?’ but you held it in bc he was completely serious

‘hajime, please understand. i-i dont want to let anyone down! my grades! the team! i-’

‘but what about me, y/n?’

he tiredly asked

‘do those things-those people- matter more than me? and i really really dont want to ask that but im so so confused y/n’

despite sounding manipulative, you knew iwa was feeling defeated and he couldnt help but ask those questions and sound so desperate

so you scrambled to sit next to him on the couch and held him against you

‘of course you matter to me-haji you mean everything to me, you understand? god, if an adult hears me theyd think im crazy but i love you, hajime. i love you and im so sorry if i ever made you feel that way because i really didnt mean to, okay? im so sorry’

you sobbed and he turned to fully envelop you into his arms and he sighed contently, remembering how good it felt to have you right there

‘no, im sorry, doll. i was being clingy and i didnt mean to lash out, i-’

you slightly let go and cupped his face

‘nonono you were perfectly valid. what you felt was perfectly reasonable. i havent been a good girlfriend lately, huh?’

you sadly smiled but he kissed you, holding you even closer

‘youre always a good one to me. always. just with a not good schedule but we can fix that, right?’

SORRY I REALLY DONT KNOW HOW TO WRITE A FIGHTING SCENE BC ITS ANGSTY AND I DONT DO WELL WITH ANGST BC IT MAKES ME CRY 😭

tbh that was really your only big fight

even when you guys graduated middle school, you both were still quite happy and you both worked hard to make time for each other

HOWEVER

when high school arrived, you both had chosen an extremely hard decision

you chose to go to karasuno while oikawa and iwa went to seijoh

which was a,,,, hard and difficult decision

in fact, you both didnt have a fight per se, just a disagreement that ended in like 30 minutes lmao

tbh its so scary and concerning of how rarely you both have bad times and how quickly it gets resolved

BUT THEN AGAIN THIS IS AN ANGST REQUEST SO ILL OF COURSE BRING IN THE SADNESS

you were busy with karasuno and you were actually taking college courses since you wanted to have a good record if you ever wanted to get into a medical field

that meant you had a lot of homework and most of your time was spent with schoolwork or interning for that family friend mentioned earlier

and you were also a manager for the volleyball team bc karasuno is a butt and they require you to have an after school club

so that meant,,,

no time for iwa

and fate just so happens to hate you bc the days you did have off, he would be busy with volleyball and he wouldnt be able to spend time with you

even weekends were like that

eventually, you both went for 2 months with no contact, just a few text messages and calls

and that strained your former strong relationship

and you knew that iwa was getting angry again with how he even typed his responses

‘want me to bring over snacks for the team?’

‘its okay. wouldnt want you to waste time or anything’

like that type of bull

you were getting increasingly worried because you havent had a good proper time to talk to him about it and you didnt want to fight over the phone

your best friend, kiyoko, noticed your anxious ticks and she snapped you out of your current daydream

‘hey? y/n? you okay?’

she gently asked and you blinked before nodding

‘mhm. just,,, thinking’

but she didnt buy that lie because you went back to chewing your lips and eyes even watering

‘i can revise your notes for you, y/n. and the team isnt doing anything big so i can handle it. you just go see him after school bc i cant handle you being sad anymore’

kiyoko gently smiled and you almost cried bc finally! you were able to clear your schedule enough to go visit your boyfriend

at the end of the school day, you bolted out of there and you were running and huffing all the way to seijoh bc you really wanted to talk to him as soon as possible

the gym was clear in view and you smiled, looking forward to seeing your beloved boy, when you saw him and oikawa being surrounded by girls

now keep in mind, youve suffered through middle school with oikawa and you were his best friend and has known him since you were a toddler

so you know of his looks and the attraction it brought him from all the females

so that didnt really bother you 

but what bothered you was the horde of girls that stuck on to your boyfriend and he didnt even look bothered

just,,, blank

not even pushing away or feeding into their actions

just,,, standing there

‘haji?’

you called out and as if he had a built-in sensor for you, his ears twitched and he swiveled to look at you

‘y/n’

he breathed out and you smiled gently

iwa quickly moved away from the girls and he grabbed your hand so you both could go somewhere else to talk privately

the back of the gym was quiet and you leaned against the wall, iwa joining you shortly

‘how-how are you?’

you asked and he scoffed, totally surprising you

‘is this how we are y/n? asking each other questions as if we’re friends who are meeting for the first time in a while? wait--actually we are arent we?’

you grimaced and looked to the side, knowing he starts his stages of anger with being passive aggressive

‘haji,, please understand’

you pleaded and swiveled to stand in front of him

iwa didnt meet your eyes, instead shoving his hands in his pants pockets and eyes trained to his shoes as he kicked rocks

‘y/n, ive been trying,, for months ive been understanding. please dont ask me to understand anymore’

he snipped and you sniffed

‘im doing this because-because my grades are starting to matter! my future is resting on these years! i have to-’

‘dont you think i know that?!’

he cut you off harshly

your eyes were shaking at his attempt to calm himself down and his trembling hands

‘dont you think i know that you are doing this for that? because ive known you since i was five y/n and i know you would push everything-everyone- else aside to reach a damn goal of yours. no matter the cost, as long as you get it, right? well youve always been like that and somehow i still accepted that yet years later here we are’

iwa waved his arms around to accentuate his point and hurt was bubbling inside your chest at a subtle jab at your flaw

‘well im sorry mr. volleyball ace player! im not talented in any area so i have to depend on my studies to get me a future! so fck me for trying to survive and create a life for us!’

‘us?! how is this for us?! y/n we cant even last a single year being apart and youre already thinking ahead of the future?!’

‘im doing this for you! for us! just wait hajime! we will be happy-’

‘I DONT CARE IF ITS FOR THE FCKING FUTURE! I WANT TO BE HAPPY WITH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! AND WHY DOES THE FCKING FUTURE MATTER SO DAMN MUCH WHEN WE CANT EVEN-’

‘BECAUSE I LOVE YOU AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU!’

you shrieked

‘HOW CAN YOU LOVE ME IF YOURE NOT LOVING ME?!’

he huffed and harshly wiped away tears that fell

your lips trembled, hands shakingly reaching out to grasp his arms

‘ha-hajime,, don-’

‘should we break up?’

was he asking you this right now? 

seriously?

‘what?’

you whispered and he finally looked up to let you see his pained eyes

‘y/n do you know what day it was yesterday?’

he asked and you blinked, looking everywhere as you tried to remember any important events

‘t-tuesday?’

that seemed to snap his patience 

with an angry grunt, he turned to punch the wall and crouch to hide his face in his hands

‘damn it, y/n’

he whimpered and your heart broke as you could hear his cries

then it clicked

anniversary

it was your 2nd anniversary

and you completely missed it

completely forgotten

you shrunk back and let out a cry before placing a hand over your mouth to muffle your cries

‘ha-haji-’

you sniffled and you tried to go closer to him but he wiped his eyes and stood back up

‘y/n lets break up’

iwa requested with a cracked smile

your eyes widened and you ran to his chest, wrapping your arms around him as if you let go, he would disappear

‘haji, we can talk about this! we cant-please dont do this-i can fix this-’

‘we will only hurt ourselves even more if we continue this. i dont want us to hurt anymore y/n. so please, for once, listen to me’

your heart shattering cries filled your space and he didnt think it was this hard until he finally said it

it was a decision that he has been hanging around for a while and even consulted oikawa about it

‘iwa-chan, if you love y/n so much, its best to let her go. dont make you both suffer anymore’

‘i cant-hajime youre it for me-please dont leave-’

you hiccuped and continued to sob

but iwa remained a pillar and squeezed you tightly against him

‘darling i believe we were meant to be. but we just did it all wrong. when the time is right, lets start over again’

he whispered, finally breaking down with you in his arms

-------

iwaizumi hajime became a taboo word for you

even with oikawa, he swore and vowed to never say either of your names and made sure that you would not be around the area when iwa would come over

like even when he knew iwa would just stay inside, he would be constantly on the lookout to make sure you both didnt see each other

the last time was when you both saw each other in the morning as you exited your house to walk to school

it must’ve been a few months after the breakup and even oikawa felt the raw pain hovering in the air

it was suffocating and oikawa had to motion you to walk because if you both stayed even a second, someone-or both- would start crying

you continued like that for years until you reached your third year

you continued being part of the volleyball team as the medic while kiyoko was the manager

the new recruits were causing up a storm and you were particularly fond of your kita kouhai kageyama tobio

‘kageyama? kageyama tobio?’

you asked once you caught sight of the familiar looking blueberry

he looked up and recognized you as his former manager

‘l/n-senpai!’

he shouted and you ran up to give the boy a hug

‘gosh! youre so tall now! i remembered when you were wee tall!’

you teased and ruffled his hair

‘uh-you know him, y/n?’

suga asked and you nodded

‘eung! we went to the same middle school and i was a manager there’

‘she was friends with iwa-’

ope

something flashed in your eyes 

kiyoko knew that name bc of how you were so depressed about it for 2 years and she started shouting random nonsense, scaring the 2nd and first years

‘y/n! we got new medical tape!’

she sang out and you perked up

‘finally?! we dont have to use duct tape anymore?!’

you excitedly ran over and everyone was both shook that kiyoko was loud and two, you were actually excited over medical tape

kageyama shrugged and continued on training

he kinda figured something happened so he never said anything or asked you anything in fear of upsetting you

and when it was announced that you were going to a practice match with seijoh, kiyoko actually told you she would cover it to make sure you dont see him there

‘its fine, y/n, i got you’

but ofc, you couldnt skip inter high

ltr an event when anyone in the team could get injured so you forced yourself to just ignore it and go

you did a good job of hiding whenever he was in view until the time they actually faced each other

you were walking alongside kiyoko and settling some things down at the bench when you felt his stare

you grimaced at his intense stare and the entire team mistakenly took it as him being interested in you

‘HAH?! LOOK AWAY YOU BEANSPROUT!’

noya growled

‘YEA! DONT LOOK!’

ofc hinata echoed

the 3 seijoh third years exchanged looks of unease when iwa sighed and looked away

‘oi! dont do that, boke!’

kageyama chided and hit the orange boy with a water bottle at the head

hinata whined and glared at him

‘that porcupine was looking at l/n-senpai! he wants to steal her!’

‘boke-’

‘doesnt matter anyways. we broke up ages ago’

you tried to say it jokingly but they couldnt miss the crack in your voice

‘hah?! he broke up with you?! you?! goddess l/n-san?!’

tanaka raged and noya had his own face of shock

the famous seijoh ace dated you?!

this handsome bara arms muscle buff man had the priviledge to date you and yet broke up with you?!

‘yall didnt know that?’

kageyama questioned and everyone glared at him

‘how do you know’

‘i just did. i didnt want to say anything for this same reason that you guys didnt know and she wouldnt want her business out there’

he simply replied and continued filing his nails

you looked up and smiled

‘it doesnt matter anymore. it was years ago so its fine’

‘L/N-SAN WE WILL AVENGE YOU!’

‘WE WILL! WE WILL!!’

the three stooges swore and you smiled softly, ruffling each boy’s hair

‘then go out there and make me proud’

but we know how this goes

they lost and you were so devastated for the others and you dropped your bag to go and comfort a crying hinata

‘sshh, dont cry dont cry. im right here’

you cooed and he accepted your embrace, hugging you tightly

once he finally calmed down, you were able to get him to a good enough condition to walk to the bus to go home

you went back to get your bag when you found something on top of it

a single white carnation

and a small ripped piece of paper that said,

‘my name is iwaizumi hajime. i think youre really pretty’

a/n: iknowiknowiknow i died but im not back to life and this request was lowkey difficult and i dont think i did a good job w it because angst always gets too angsty for me but i couldnt resist giving this a sad ending like bls!!! and uwu im still working on that oikawa route bc ya girl cant decide how angsty she wants it to beeee and i have like 4 different versions of the route in my drafts hehehe,,,, but i hope yall liked this and uwu ive never been in a serious relationship before so i wouldnt know what to fight about and came up with this:(

#iwaizumi hajime #iwaizumi #iwaizumi hajime imagines #iwaizumi hajime x reader #iwaizumi x reader #iwaizumi imagines #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu x reader #iwaizumi hajime angst #iwaizumi hajime fluff #iwaizumi angst #iwaizumi fluff #haikyuu angst #iwa chan #iwaizumi hajime fanfic #haikyuu fanfic #iwaizumi fanfic #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! angst

[tigerdrop]

a good friend made these horrid beasts in WWE something-or-other and i went fully fucking bananas drawing and writing about them. theres a whole AU and associated erotica under the cut. See ya

im thinking about how fucking butthurt gordon would be at having to be a heel and he sees benrey just fucking eating up all the attention and everybody booing at him and hes leaning into it so hard and gordon gets blisteringly fucking irritable about it. theyre both heels but gordons just mad that benreys better at it than him

goes out there in his bullshit baby slut wrestling outfit and hes already feeling like the world biggest and most embarrassed idiot and then he has to deal with everybody booing him and putting up their fucking signs saying how much he sucks and theyve all  got really funny jokes on them

i want gordon to have a very small but dedicated group of fans that only like him b/c he looks like hes gonna cry every time he hits the ring.....but he doesnt know that they like him b/c hes pathetic. so he gets genuinely heartened to see the one sign in the crowd telling him that he rules

but..........i think he can turn it all around.........if he gets into tag team wrestling. or, more specifically, gets suckered into being teamed up with the one guy he really cannot fucking stand b/c hes got a fuckin contract to fulfill and he cant really be choose-y as the New Guy. i just think it would make sense! as a gimmick!! producers leaning hard into gordons perceived bitch status and pairing him up with his polar opposite in the ring!!! like being suckered into being the straight man of a comedy duo except a lot more personally embarrassing!!!!

what if he didnt even have to wear that obscene baby slut outfit until they got teamed up with each other and they wanted him to match benreys. b/c they literally fucking match in this godawful WWE game. and the one he picked out for himself was equally humiliating but in a wildly different fashion

like. what if he wanted his gimmick to be "science guy.......with a twist" and so he shows up in a lab coat with the sleeves ripped off and also for some reason he decided to wear a fucking hat like the guy from jamiroquai

anyway . i just think. it would be cool.......if benrey......taught him how to lean into being an asshole for the drama of it by just continuing to do his own thing and shoving gordon into the spotlight with him. it feels less fuckin personal when its two of them thatre being booed! and benreys heel persona - aggressively flirty and campy and leaning very hard into the stereotype of the flaming homosexual - is so much different from his like......flat affect, dead-eyed look and bored tone in "real life" that gordon starts figuring out that theyre not really booing him, theyre booing a character

and gordon starts figuring out how to get cocky! and he starts eating that shit up and getting into the role! he starts to feel the fuckin high of performing with somebody in a super physical environment and it finally just Clicks for him and their chemistry goes off the charts and the crowd is so hyped up and engaged b/c of him, b/c of them

i just think its fucking cool. okay. wrestling is intensely physical and involves a lot more one-on-one contact than most other sports. hot, sweaty and thick gordon with his arms wrapped around benreys throat and wrestling him to the ground......benrey slipping out of his grip and reversing it and forcing him to his stomach, sitting on his back with a bicep wrapped around his throat, waiting for gordon to submit.......its dope! whats fuckign wrong with that!!!

and its, yknow, its really fucking cool when theyre bending each others legs back too. like in that one screenshot. the stretch and burn of the muscle.....benrey pushing just a little too far and smirking down at him just to see how gordon will react......the feeling of being bent like that and exposed by a guy hes been having wayyy too many weird feelings about lately......gordon probably never jerks off so fucking good as he does immediately after a match with benrey, riding the endorphin high of a good performance and a good workout

think about it! all the intimate touching meant to be aggressive.....yelling at him while in kayfabe. grappling and throwing him. touching and being touched. ACCIDENTAL RING BONERS. just.....all that sexual tension coming to a head after months of working together and of benreys glances in the locker room getting more and more blatant. months of benrey blandly commenting on his form while twisting his arm back or hooking an arm under his thigh to bend it up to his chest

sometimes its so intense that gordon swears theyre going to fuck right there in the ring in front of god and everyone. them breaking kayfabe in ring and nobody realizing it.....basically flirting and aggressively bantering and having a good time and they know they personally are going off script but they dont know if the other is. and theyre both showing their horny ass in public in front of thousands of spectators

and then on the eve of the best performance theyve ever had, gordons feeling incredible. a little fucking bounce to his step. and benreys trying really fucking hard to sound nonchalant when he tells gordon he did good out there, but its not easy for him, either......hes got to spend all this time with a guy thats thicker than molasses and a whole head taller than him and whos frequently wrapping his thighs around benreys head for the sake of the sport. who he swears is down to fuck but wont ever make a move in return

and.....maybe its the first time benreys ever said such an earnest compliment to him. maybe it goes right to gordons head, makes him flush and prickle all the way to his ears. and they hit the showers but gordon cant get it out of his head. keeps glancing over to benrey across the way, letting himself look for once. letting himself really think about it

and then he gets rimmed and fucked in the locker rooms i dont know. this is the part where i chicken out every time nowadays. Tried My Best

anyway heres gordon freeman getting fucked in the locker room

ThaNks for read

#my art #writin stuff #(honking away in my big ol clown shoes)

[dyketubbo]

theres a lot of people who seem to think that c!beeduo will have some sort of giant argument abt ranboos or quackity will take tubbos last life or something and im just like. no i just want them to talk LMAO can we get a tubbo talking about his problems and have an arc of tubbo realizing that he shouldnt just accept mistreatment and that repressing his emotions is not the same as healthily moving on from trauma. i want him and quackity to be equals with mutual respect (which is where their relationship had already left off), i know realistically theres going to be conflict but like.

ranboo and tubbo both already know theyre keeping secrets, tubbo wouldnt be mad about enderwalk because its not dangerous, ranboo wouldnt be mad because tubbo didnt tell him about his past, at most ranboo would be upset *for* tubbo because like. theres no good reason for ranboo to get mad that tubbo didnt tell him about something incredibly traumatizing, and theres. no reason for tubbo to be pissed about sleepwalking, even *if* ew!ranboo has conmections with dream, tubbo has already expressed that he wouldnt blame ranboo for anything he couldnt control, and tubbo himself knows how easy it is for dream to get under peoples skin

also i feel like some people seem to lean wayyy too far into quackity being a villain to remember what *kind* of villain he is. he isnt like schlatt, who used political and perceived power to get his way. he isnt like dream, who slowly wittled down peoples defenses and convinced others that it was deserved and that he was in the right (to the point where people *still* believe what he said about tommy). he uses similar tactics, yes, but he's still his own kind of villain, and i truly do not believe quackity is going to kill tubbo when theres. not a very big benefit to doing so? at the least he gets the ire of ranboo and tommy. but its very likely that hes going to piss off a *ton* of people, because tubbo is like. very loved among the community, even most of the las nevadas citizens genuinely like tubbo (slime and quackity only being exceptions because we dont know exactly what their opinions are, but its unlikely that they dislike tubbo)

its unlikely for tubbo to permadie, and i think unlikely for beeduo and las nevadas' conflict to be much more than a moral conflict. hell, i think its more likely for ranboos focus on this conflict to cause an issue within the syndicate (ranboo and phil both focusing on tubbo and growing close with him, and weve been waiting for the ball to drop on technos response to it all, and it may come to a head with them all being apart of the las nevadas plot), or to even just tie up a lot of loose ends with various relationships (cough cough fundy and ranboo cough cough)

i also just dont think it works for the characters to have beeduo have a big fallout (or even really a big argument in general) or for quackity to cause such large harm to tubbo. like ive been trying to collect my thoughts on how beeduos relationship will develop for a while and i want to make a post about it but just as a general tubbo is canonically very loved and cared about on the smp, its very risky to cause harm to him and i feel like quackity would know that. also tubbo has never had a problem with people protecting him LMAO him and tommys entire relationship has been based around protecting each other, tubbo himself is very protective, i doubt tubbo would feel much more than annoyance at ranboos meddling and ultimately if he disagreed with ranboos morals i think he'd at least speak up about that (also tubbo honestly follows the "people not sides" thing in his own way, after all he and punz were always friendly, and hes friends with phil, literally married to ranboo, friends with sam, etc etc)

generally just like, i think tubbos story arc would be best if this led into a healing arc, like its very likely that someone will bring up him being a spy before and how it ended badly and tubbo wont be able to avoid it anymore, and with proper pressuring, yeah, i think he'd snap. but itd be cathartic, and also i do not think anyone around tubbo has the heart to just like, watch him break or even truly get satisfaction out of it. tubbo dying would only further his belief that his life doesnt matter, dream wouldnt revive tubbo, thats kind of just a given. canon wise, it makes sense for tubbo to survive (cough cough parallels to how tommy got out of exile, being the only president to live, also like he has a fucking son), and it makes sense for him to be able to genuinely get those around him to question their morals and how theyve treated him and others. i really do think tubbos arc is heading in a direction where hes gonna heal, and i think its absolutely going to be an emotional/moral struggle rather than a physical one

the people around tubbo have already encouraged him to be emotionally open before, just a bit more pushing and i think theres a chance. is tubbo going to break before he gets better? yeah, but i dont think its going to come in the form of him dying or even an argument with ranboo- which i just do not think will happen in the way most seem to think it will. they are genuinely good partners that love and care for each other, they consistently interact and work together on almost everything. yes they need better communication, but ultimately "i went/am going through a traumatizing experience and i didnt want to worry you by telling" is not a relationship breaker, neither of them are dangerous or harmful to each other. i understand the want to have a lot of action but thats likely going to come with the prison plotline, and tubbos relationships with the prisoners is a much different situation than his relationships with ranboo and quackity (INTENSELY different). hell, dreams in fuckin prison and is still a bigger danger to tubbo than ranboo and quackity could ever be

#long post #mask mews #dsmp #tubbo #quackity #ranboo #beeduo #this is very much a bunch of rambling and disconnected thoughts that i put down in a stream of consciousness #this also took three attempts LMAO i kept going onto a bunch of different topics. this is the most cohesive version. im very sorry #feel free to add responses whether through replies or rbs or asks or whatever idc but also you will get a bunch of rambling in response

[dani-luminae]

I always wondered what Mal's actual problem with Audrey herself was because she had the most to say about her when theyve barely talked. She claims that she never intended to hurt her but yet she was always talking ill of her while doing just that and still talking as if she knew her well in her diary while at the same time admitting she didnt know Audrey was hurt. "Not all AKs care about only about looks" Audrey caring about that doesnt mean she solely cares about that. Who told mal that yknow?

No kidding! Their rivalry/relationship/whatever-it-was really seemed like the writers went “okay, everyone’s just gonna expect the daughter of Maleficent and the daughter of Aurora to hate each other, right? Good, so we’re going with that” except they forgot to give us an actual reason aside from Ben. But even concerning Ben, when I look back at the movie... there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of animosity from Audrey towards Mal over Ben before the whole love spell happened, nothing except for that one remark in the beginning (when she remarked on Mal’s mom, trying to divert the conversation from Ben and Mal’s weird staring.)

Mal’s hate for Audrey is far more evident than whatever hatred Audrey has for Mal. Mal won’t shut up about her disdain for Audrey, even in Audrey’s own diary, while Audrey... writes about her feelings in her diary, which is completely valid! Her diary is supposed to be hers. It’s not meant to be read by others! Writing her feelings there is way different than Mal’s comments towards her, which are often spoken aloud and heard by others. (Oh, and don’t forget Mal’s comments degrading Audrey after the tourney game in order to lift up Evie.)

To be fair, though, how vocal each of them is about it is probably indicative of their upbringings. Mal has never had to hold her tongue, she could talk shit about anyone she wanted with no consequences because of her mother’s influence on the Isle. Audrey was raised in royalty, with a lot of expectations, and no one expects a princess to talk badly about another (not excessively, at least.) But this still doesn’t mean that this relationship of mutual hatred is very, very weird.

#disney descendants #descendants #descendants 2 #descendants 3 #audrey deserves better #audrey descendants #anti mal #anti-mal #anti mal bertha #honestly having audrey's diary be a merch book was a mistake

[spidermanifested]

remember when i said in my post about how bido is unappreciated that id talk about why greed/bido is a good and important ship but thats a whole other post. well This is that post

the first and most important reason that greed/bido is a good ship is very simple and that reason is Bido Was In Love With Greed The Whole Time And Nobody Noticed?????? how come nobody noticed. i mean SOME people noticed but nowhere NEAR enough people noticed

when greed compliments bido for successfully proving that alphonse is just a soul bound to a suit of armor, he blushes and acts very flustered and happy. unfortunately this scene is not animated in either show (bido talking to greed is changed to be over the phone in 03, and in brotherhood the scene just gets skipped, HOWEVER theres a single shot of bidos face in one of greeds flashbacks that shows him blushing and looking directly at the camera. ie at greed)

also in the manga his first thought when the military shut down the nest was to worry about whether greed SPECIFICALLY was okay (i used this page in my other post as well but its important)

and in brotherhood he was shown to have actually followed greed through the sewers during his fight with bradley but could only watch from his hiding place as greed was defeated and taken away; remembering this is what gives him the determination to hitch a ride to central to look for him

did i mention he went all the way to central to find him!!! clinging to a MILITARY TRUCK no less. as a very obvious chimera if he had been found by any of those soldiers it would have been horrible for him and every other time we ever saw bido faced with danger he ran away from it. but he was brave For Greed. he went into the labyrinth under central For Greed, and didnt try to escape until he was convinced greed wasnt there. and when it turned out he WAS there (and had lost his memory and had been trying to kill him) he immediately dropped his guard and walked closer to him because that was greed and he trusted him despite everything that had just happened. in the manga he grabs onto greeds coat as he dies and it is just about the saddest thing ive ever seen in my whole life

and then of course greed starts physically shaking because what he just did was so awful his body knows he fucked up before his mind even remembers Why it was fucked up and he cradles bidos body in his arms and screams. unfortunately if we are to acknowledge bido as the gay icon he was, we also must acknowledge that he was buried

(by all rights bido SHOULD have survived. where is the fanfiction where he survives fullmetal alchemist fandom or are you too busy writing the same royai-gets-married-and-has-babies fic over and over again. actually never mind i greatly prefer that to all the pedophilia. but thats another Other post, that unlike this incredibly niche topic some other people have almost definitely made before me)

the thing about grido is you could make a huge tragic thing about it being unrequited and frankly thats Fair, greed does not seem one to settle down in a relationship and bido likely has a lot of self worth issues that would prevent him from confessing his feelings. but you cannot deny that greed cared about him. he praises him, he pats him on the head (!!)

he COMPLETELY breaks down after he realizes he killed him. bido was so important to greed, as were the rest of the chimeras of course but i think theres a valid argument to be made that bido in particular was special to him. theyve got a few things in common actually that i find interesting:

both like to just chill on roofs??? when greed is in lings body he sometimes just hangs out on top of a roof. bido does this too

they could have hung out on roofs together.......maybe thats why greed likes to be up there. because he hung out with bido on roofs a lot. please consider this possibility

both of them are accidentally rude to children. the same children in fact

greed is like 200 and looks 30 while bido is middle-aged and people think he is a baby for some reason?????

okay this is just straight up a headcanon and has no actual basis in the text or subtext of fma but I Think Bido Is Trans and was cast out by his family in his youth and greed would understand that experience!!!! having left his own terrible family because they wanted him to be someone he wasnt

and then there are the differences:

greed is very outgoing and bido is mostly pretty anxious, though he has outbursts of confidence; that might be because greed being nice to him has built up his self-esteem (the way he calls himself cool/awesome when he escapes from the elrics, directly followed by greed complimenting his skills, really makes me think this is the case)

one is tall and lean........the other...is short and fat....... i know its cliche but let me have this

bido overthinks things. greed is a jock. with their powers combined they can do things at a mostly reasonable pace (as long as bido doesnt just go along with whatever greed wants which is probably most of the time what happens)

bido is outwardly inhuman and weird-looking but is incredibly caring and hard-working and loyal and sweet. greed is the sexiest motherfucker alive but hes literally the personification of a deadly sin and at his core he is technically just a rock made of pain. but below these layers both of them want the exact same thing which is to care about others and be cared for in return

also you know that post about how ships between immortal people and super young adults (or worse, teenagers) are OUT and instead we should have stories about immortal people dating 40-something accountants. bido is the 40-something accountant. except not an accountant. you know what im getting at though hes an Established Adult 

and bido DESERVES it, he deserves to be loved by the person he cares about more than anything, he has been through so much and gotten nothing but pain and he needs something good for a change!!! and greed DESERVES someone who will love him with all his heart and make him feel wanted no matter what. just, listen to me okay, they would make each other so happy

so!!! there are MANY reasons this ship is interesting and a million different ways you could go about exploring it and there is just NONE of it out there. for some reason the chimera that gets shipped the most with greed is dolcetto (though ive seen martel as well) and i think that is probably because they are more attractive to people (and also id wager more than a few dollars people simply see a dogman and his boss and go wild for the petplay angle). like you dont see any greed/roa either and thats very telling since roa appears with the other two almost every time and nothing about him is different except hes older and not as. pretty i guess???? in my humble onion hes hotter than either dolcetto or martel but thats neither here nor there

the important thing about bidos relationship to greed is that he might not have been transmuted with an animal with a strong sense of loyalty, but he didnt NEED to be, to be loyal to greed. he loved him entirely because he was human. and in the end he did the most for him out of any of the chimeras. unfortunately it was via dying but through the power of imagination we can collectively ignore that and pretend both he and greed survived, and greed went back to his original sexy, sexy body, and they made out on a roof for several consecutive hours. thats how im coping at least. thank you so much for listening to my unhinged rambling about lizard man who dies of fullmetal alchemist (gay edition)

#fullmetal alchemist (fullmetal alchemist) #bido #fma greed #grido

[grimcatician]

You know what Taishiro needs? A playlist

Oh mannnn yes!! I have such a limited musical knowledge aha 😩

All i got so far is:

Las Flores by Cafe Tacvba—its in spanish but the lyrics are sooo cute and just like, in my head its Taichi being super fkn in love with Kou✨ theres a line thats like “invite me to sit next to you so i can listen to your dreams and gaze at your eyes as though theyre the only things in the country/world” and its just UGH im a sucker for besoted super in love taichi 🥺💖

Time after Time-Cindi Lauper bc i love a good 80’s love song 🥺 also something about them coming together, uh, well time after time ( 🥁) and idk i think of the sady hawkins dance in stranger things ahaha just CHEESE

Speaking of...Just Like Heaven by the Cure bc its so SOFT and im 🥺🥺🥺 like just hng taking the “show me how you do that trick” as the original inspiration which was a magic trick from Smith’s childhood. Both of them look up to the other! Theyre so charmed and in awe of the other and i love that abt them 🥺 mostly Taichi pov bc ii just, he is so in awe of Koushiro im 😭😭

Listen...i know, i know theres some shit with patd, but Always from the album Vices and Virtues is so soft and wistful? and just its about the time before coming together etc?

Summertime by MCR bc that song is just so good and idk its kinda nostalgic and makes me think of the in between times where they have to graple with what theyve been thru and who theyvare/want to be/are becoming and just, knowing they have each other :O

Animal by Neon Trees ehuhuhu like i ju st love the though of them being in LOVE and just trying to navigate those feelings with their friendship and yay romcom shenanigans i just ((also this duet in glee was everything yes i was trashhhhh😖😅))

Maybe not a love song but I Lived by OneRepublic is cheesy af but U KNOW WHAT i like that for them like just think abt all the things they went through together!! I love these boys!! I love these kids! More gen song but still ahaha im aure they hope for these things for the other :O

Still Into You because even after all these years THEY ARE IN LOVE YOUR HONOR!!! also had to add some paramore owo

Only exception bc AGAIN

CHEESEEEEE and paramore also like HELP??? SOFT SOFT SOFT MEGA SOFT SO IN LOVE HNNNG. Also the way they act and behave around each other in the show is Very Interesting and different from how they are around others 🥺 also keeping other at a distance but allowing yourself to get closer and for them to do the same i a m emotionalll???

Shut Up and Dance—IDK i want them to go fancing and be in love and have fun and just BE.

Everybody Talks by Neon Trees, again i love RomCom Taishirou shenanigans

I wanna dance with somebody by whitney huston bc again i love 80’s love songs and this one is SO good. A bop.

If i lose myself tonight by one republic bc 🥺🥺 hnnnn IDK man i think these two see each other as someone who understands them in ways the others dont?? I think Taichi especially bc Koushiro has seen him at his “worst” and most vulnerable—his “ugliest” and his “best”? Hes seen him without the “hot headed, brave leader” hat and its jus t AaaAAAAAAAA

(((And ok for when theyre older, but my favorite love song is Luz de Dia by Los Enanitos Verdes so i just, i have to include it in every otp playlist its so tender and shhsjsjdh)))

Edit: ADDING SUNFLOWER 🌻 TO THE PLAYLIST 🥺🥺

This is hard! Hmmm! I think the vibe is sappy, earnest, and a but nostalgic (bc of the shit they did as kids), and inevitable kind of love 😌

Sorry for the essay ahh

EDIT EDIT:

Its in a kiiind of order ahaha 🤔 🥺

#taishirou #im sorry im blanking instg i listen to music ahahah #i love them i wish i knew more music or that i could remember aHHHHH #all my other ships are angsty or tragic li ke

[drangues]

Here’s! To! Hoping! I mean, I don’t think there’s been anything super bad yet! But I’ve also only taken three or four doses (and I now realized I missed my most recent one but I’ve already eaten and I’m supposed to take it before I eat FUCK-), so I guess? I’ll wait? And see??? Also I didn’t sleep at ALL last night, I am. So tired. I go to work at five in the morning. Please help. But anyways I hope your test goes well!!! I’m rooting for you, buddy!!! (Nyanon, 1/5)

Anyways YEAH they really are, they hate it and it’s hilarious. To be honest, it’s even reflected in their abilities? Uncontainable chaos versus total control, you know? It’s what makes their frenemy relationship so interesting, I think. And listen Akutagawa and Atsushi fight on occasion (re: a lot, they’re vitriolic best buds at some point and I will take that to my grave), but one thing they have in common is Not being able to handle their crush Loving Them and then Proving It. (Nyanon, 2/5)

Like, Akutagawa flops out on Atsushi’s bed screaming into a pillow and Atsushi’s just like “bet you’re regretting teasing me” (watch Chuuya and Dazai pull the exact same thing on the other side of their location). And as sad as it is,, Atsushi has probably not experienced a Number of the things he’s deserved to experience? Being hugged, being given forehead kisses by a parental figure, being able to make a pillow fort, being held when he has a nightmare... (Nyanon, 3/5)

Poor guy needs many, many hugs. (Also its Fukuzawa, what do you expect. Watch Dazai spray himself with catnip cologne or something to see if it has the same effect.) But yeah, that’s! Kinda what I was thinking! I just can’t see him liking the,, Super violent ones after his childhood, you know? Ones where he gets to stroll around in piece and follow a nice story and build himself a sort of home feels like something he’d enjoy more. Also do you think he’d like otome games??? (Nyanon, 4/5)

I feel like he’d either love them, hate them, or find them hilarious. Anyways, onto another Scenario Concept: In honor of my own awful sleep deprivation, I keep thinking about Atsushi not being able to sleep for some reason? Not even nightmares, it’s just One Of Those Nights. I feel like he’d be very spacey and clingy and infinitely to fall asleep in his work the next day. (Nyanon, 5/5)

REMEMBER TO TAKE YOUR MEEDSSSSSS WRITE IT DOWN- oh wait then youll forget you Wrote it down dammit. do you have anyone to remind you?? GSHJDKS also! right now as im typing this, im answering right after i came home from my math test. it went,,,Somewhere. i Answered like, all questions except three and i hope my teacher will be seduced by my beautiful doodle of a cat on the test paper and give me an E. 

i also think it’s what makes their frenemy interesting!! how they just totally work well together despite their,,,Emotions?? towards each other. dazai and chuuya are my ultimate brotp because i kinda project my brotp with my best friend on them- im all cheery and say “HI BRO <333″ and my best friend irl just goes “fuck you” but they love me. i know they do. theyve Slipped Up a few times and show it in different ways layered between insults and roasts

in the hmc universe akutagawa and atsushi Definitely have a some banter here and there since theyre not on opposites ends anymore- they would banter about atsushi’s clean freakness, about akutagawa not taking enough care of himself and excusing it as “ill die soon anyways” in which now bOTH atsushi and chuuya gets mad at, their banter could also be something very pointless as “why is the potions name named yellow stone when it is pURPLE” “it’s just how it Is atsushi” “but it doesnt make any sense, name it something better” “I cant just rename stuff!” “yES YOU CAN-” “N O-”

but ofc akutagawa still cares, and atsushi still cares, especially with how he often helps atsushi up the stairs or looks at him worriedly when his back hurts from rising up the chair. atsushi cares by making sure he takes his medicine and is warm and bundled up and it’s just Sweet

also about atsushi it’s so sad he deserves the world eVERYONE DOES SMH and dazai spraying himself with catnip cologne i- GAKAHGEHEJKSDS

i was gonna suggest otome games!! but then i thought he would just like try them out of curiosity and then feel silly for even playing them so he just leaves it as that. atsushi being clingy and tired after a night of not being able to sleep?? i love it. i bet he would work so hard and then just fall asleep and kunikida might be strict but he definitely lets atsushi have his well deserved nap cus he doesnt make a habit of it unlike a certain someone

#anon #ask #ask anon #anon ask #nyanon #nyatsushi anon #bsd