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linkspooky · 2 months

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The Death of Kenjaku

So I was planning to write this meta the week that Kenjaku died, but decided to delay until we got full confirmation of his death. Something I didn't believe in even after Kenjaku passed the merger onto Sukuna. However, watching this video about death in Jujutsu Kaisen inspired me to finish this post. Not because I disagree with anything the YouTuber is saying, but because they can speculate on the meaning of so many deaths in Jujutsu Kaisen but can't find the meaning in Kenjaku's sudden death. This has led me to speculate why Gege made the choice to kill Kenjaku in the way that he did. What meaning is there in Kenjaku's abrupt and unsatisfying death?

Who is Kenjaku?

The first step in understanding Kenjaku's death is of course understanding how he lived. We actually know incredibly little about Kenjaku's character by design. Despite the fact he's literally in Geto's body, he's not meant to have sympathetic or human motivations to his actions (though hold onto that "human motivation" in your head for a moment). No flashback sequence shows the audience why this guy is the way he is, no single event seems to have driven him to do what he did.

This is what we know about Kenjaku in brief. He is a sorcerer who is over a thousand years old who was around in Sukuna's day. He once had a friendship with Tengen, but found her original self boring and unambitious. He also contrasts heavily with Tengen, who lives outside of humanity, because he has lived among humanity for 1,000 years. One of those lifetimes was Noritoshi Kamo who violated a woman and conducted heinous experiments. He produced ten children in his one thousand years, the nine death painting siblings and Yuji Itadori. He considers the first children boring, because human and curse hybrids turned out too normal.

He also partially blames himself for how boring they are, because he can't create anything that will exceed his expectations, the only thing that can exceed his expectations is born in chaos. He spent a thousand years organizing the culling games, and wants to use the games to create a merger, because he thinks creating a merger between Tengen and Humanity will create something entirely new and interesting. He also believes the way towards the future lies in further optimizing cursed energy, not in breaking away from it the way Yuki Tsukumo tried to do and Maki has.

The only people whose word we have on Kenjaku's motivations are Kenjaku himself, and Tengen's word and Tengen themselves who claims to not know what goes on in the human heart.

From all of the above Kenjaku seems to be a shallow character who's motivations can be summed up as "because I can" and "I want to see what happens." This shallowness is intentional however, as Gege who once praised the minimalist storytelling of Nasu and Evangelion likes to pick and choose what crumbs of backstory he gives out for his characters. We've never gotten any exposition on the Gojo clan, but we have an entire chapter about Takaba's failed career as a stand-up comic. This isn't a judgement of good or bad writing, this is just how Gege writes as minimalist as possible. This is in line with how Gege writes the ancient sorcerers as well, they are all much more shallow driven by instinct or Freudian Id (I desire) rather than the higher reasoning of modern-day sorcerers. Takaba uses comedy as a means of communication and bridging the gaps between people, Higuruma's backstory is the critique of the modern day justice system. Ishigori apparently lived a satisfying life where he was succesful and had good women, but that wasn't enough so he wants to get into a fight with Yuta to satisfy his hunger and feel like he's eaten desert.

It sounds shallow when I summarize it in text, but in the context of the fight with Yuta, it's a challenge for Yuta who for the most part only cares about his loved ones and sees the world through his love goggles to be more selfish and fight for his own desires. It's also reflective of a more basic and instinctual kind of thinking, as opposed to the higher reasoning and logic that modern-day sorcerers apply.

I'm keeping most of this first part to text for this reason, like go back and read the fight with Ishigori and Yuta. If I summarize Ishigori's character reasoning out of context it sounds stupid, but read the fight and it works because it's ID (I Desire) vs. Yuta's superego in not only having to collect points to help rescue Tsumiki, find a way to protect all the innocent people in the Culling Games, and also collect enough points to take on Kenjaku himself so Gojo won't have to. Meanwhile Ishigori's just fighting to get some of that sweet desert, the shallow works in contrast to the more layered motivations of our heroes.

Kenjaku is a shallow archetype fighting to satisfy his baser impulses (in his case curiosity) in comparison to the main characters who are fighting for more complicated reasons and often people besides themselves.

The question then becomes what archetype is Kenjaku. In that case answering who Kenjaku is is quite simple.

Kenjaku is a clown.

It might be more accurate to say that Kenjaku embodies what's commonly known as the "trickster archetype" but I'mma go with clown.

The most obvious example of a clown villain is what most consider the joker to be, that is a silly little clown man who challenges the straight faced and grim batman and sews chaos where Batman attempts to establish law and order in Gotham and make the city into a better place.

From the book Batman and Psychology:

More than any other villains, the Joker and Two-face reflect Batman himself as funhouse distortions, converses of who and what he is. The laughing, jesting, brightly colored Joker contrasts with grim, dark Batman. The Joker is the Joker. No alter ego. The film's opening bank robbery shows him wearing a clown mask over clown makeup, Under the surface there's only more Joker. He gives no history except inconsistent lies. When he finally considers the impact of his demand Batman unmask, he retracts the threat and demands that Batman's identity remain undisclosed. He wants a batman who has no other self, a Dark Knight whose only deeper layer is further darkness.

Is there a better descriptor for Kenjaku then these words?

Kenjaku is Kenjaku. No alter ego. A clown mask over clown makeup., Under the surface there's only more Kenjaku.

In other words, what you see is what you get.

Kenjaku even mirrors Joker's opinion of Batman, he thinks people should be more like him, not the other way around. He's not the outlier, he's being true to humanity's basic impulses of curiousity and discovery.

A more apt comparison as a clown though would probably be Loki, one of the most classic examples of clowning in the shared mythology of humanity. The character who challenges the common wisdom of gods like Odin who suspended themselves from the world tree for eleven days in order to gain wisdom. Loki, who through his trickery manages to bring about the events of Ragnarok for no deeper reason than because he can. Everyone swore not to harm Balder and Loki goes to find something that can harm him because BET.

Mythological Loki doesn't need a deeper motivation because what he represents in the mythology is someone who challenges authority and brings about a change, because in Norse Mythology nothing lasts forever and no era is permanent. Jujutsu Kaisen is also a story about how things should not in fact stay the same and tradition is bad sometimes.

When Kenjaku finds Tengen's true body he's curled up in a tree root in the fetal position, and he killed what is basically the all-knowing, all-seeing supposedly immortal sorcerer that maintains the status quo of japan, it's not exactly subtle.

Kenjaku is a clown, and clown's gotta clown. We don't need any more explanation that, it's more about what he does for the story. However, what he represents, the deep intellectual curiosity, and also a drive to disrupt the status quo in an attempt to see something more interesting can also be analyzed more deeply because they are human emotions that motivate us as well. The same way that Mahito is an inhuman monster, but he's created and motivated by the fear of other humans, something all of us have. '

Before moving onto his death though, I wanna hammer in how Kenjaku really is just motivated by these two things, a desire to see something interesting, and intellectual curiosity by comparing him to other characters.

The Clown in Fiction

I've already compared Kenjaku to Loki and the Joker, but when it comes to someone who wants to disrupt the entire order of the world simply because they're bored we've got to go to the original girlboss.

So there are plenty of villains who go "I'm evil because I'm bored" but they usually tend to be pretty shallow, either shallowly written for the lulz evil characters who just exist for shock value or just kinda dull. No one has ever done it as good as Junko Enoshima and no one ever will again.

For those who need context DanganRonpa is a death game series where the main villain basically has caused the apocalypse, wiped out most of humanity, and then induces survivors in a bunker to kill each other in a death game, where if someone commits a succesful murder they can escape the bunker, but if they're caught in a trial they're executed. Also, if they're not convicted in the trial everyone else is killed, motivating the jury to find and execute the guilty murderer.

Junko Enoshima the main villain and orchestrator of this death game ended the world because despair. She wants to inflict despair on everyone because despair. Because hope sucks and despair is where it's at.

It sounds shallow and it is and Kodaka has said in interview he wrote Junko to be a villain character with zero redeeming character traits, and no sympathetic backstory to describe why she is the way she is, but there is still something motivating her.

If you go a bit deeper into the lore and read Dangan Ronpa Zero, there is an entire book which explains the lengths which Junko goes to feel normal human emotions. The thing is much like Kenjaku Junko is too smart for her own good, everything is predictable and therefore everything bores her. Once in an attempt to live normally, she literally lobotomizes herself, makes it so that she can't remember anything and has continual amnesia constantly forgetting what just happened to her, because that's the only way she can live without knowing everything that's going to happen and constantly predicting everyone's actions.

Junko has whatever her universe's version of the six-eyes is, but instead of lording it over other people like Gojo and basking in her superiority she wants to feel normal, and connected to the world. If she can't have that she tries to make the world as unpredictable place as possible so she can experience it the same way that everyone else does.

Hope is harmony. A just heart, moving toward the light. That is all. Despair is hope's polar opposite. It is messy and confusing. It swallows up love, hatred, and everything else. Because not knowing where you will end up is despair. Despair is even what you cannot predict. Only despair's unpredictability can save you from a boring future.

I'm still not describing it properly because I don't want to go into a Danganronpa essay in this post about Jujutsu Kaisen, but one example I always use is two characters from American Dragon Jake Long. They're a pair of twins who see the future, one always sees happy things, and one always sees sad things. The one who has happy visions is a goth who's very depressed and the one who sees disaster is an incredibly peppy girl.

Jake is so confused as to why the twin who always sees good visions is so depressed, and she basically tells him to imagine having every good thing, every small little surprise, every pleasure taken out of life.

Kara: When you only see good things, nothing's special anymore. All the pleasant surprises are taken out of life. Sara: But, when you only see bad stuff, even the smallest bit of good news makes you happy!

All of this to say what Junko feels isn't just boredom, or a desire to commit evil for evil's sake, but also a full on existential crisis where she's simply too smart so she doesn't feel any connection to other people or the world around her. In order to feel that connection, that connection that everyone else has, to feel like she is actually a participant in her life not an observer she's willing to go to extremes to make the world a more interesting place, to therefore make her own life feel satisfying.

Kenjaku vs. The World (Kenjaku Pilgrim's sad little life)

To connect all this back to Kenjaku imagine the profound existential despair of a person who's lived for a thousand years, and felt bored all that time. Sukuna is at least a hedonist, he gets his fun by getting into fights, humans might be bugs to him but they're tasty bugs.

Kenjaku goes to similiar motivations and has similiar extremes, he's uninvested in the world around him, he's lived a thousand years but has no attachment to the world, to life, to the people around him. I said that Junko wants to be a participant in life not an all seeing observer and that was purposeful language because to bring back an old post. I rambled on this post about Gojo that part of Gojo's problem is that he only experiences observer-to-object relationships or I to it.

Ich and Du, translated as I and Thou is a book by philosopher Martin Buber. His two main porositions is that we may address existence in two ways:

The attitude of the “I” towards “it” towards an object that is separate in itself, which we either use or experience.

The attitude of “I” towards “Thou” in a relationship in which the other is not separated by discrete bounds.

In Buber's terms, those who only experience the first type of relationships are only observing the world around them not relating to them. Kenjaku doesn't relate to other human beings because they are objects, he only experiences subject -> object relationships and never subject -> subject.

Buber also goes on to theorize that meaning in our lives comes from subject -> subject relationships we form with other people.

Kenjaku jokingly says that to be his friend you have to never bore him and be his equal, but there's no one considers his equal because he's the subject and everyone else are just objects.

He regrets he can't sit down and talk theories with Tsukumo Yuki because she's one of the few people who think like him.

Kenjaku is a paradox of an incredibly brilliant man who is also shallow as a puddle that you can stand in and not get your socks wet. However, he tragically can't really form a more complex identity because our identities are formed by our relationships to other people and Kenjaku doesn't relate to anybody.

That's basically the theme of the whole Choso and Kenjaku fight, Choso is a weird aborted fetus of a curse who still has a strong identity and is able to feel unconditional love for Yuji because of the connection of family and the ideas of brotherhood that binds the two. Kenjaku is a bad father who abandoned Choso because they were "boring" but also never really gave them a chance to grow up or be interesting, he just dismissed them offhand and moved on to the next weird science project.

However, his reason for dismissing Choso isn't Choso's fault but rather a case of Psychological projection. It's not Choso who is boring, but rather Kenjaku himself, he said so earlier.

"What I can create, does not exceed the bounds of my own potential. The answer is always flickering darkly in chaos."

Kenjaku cannot look within to find anything satisfying abput his life because there's nothing inside of him. He doesn't have a fully formed identiy he's just ID, and because he tramples all over other people to form his desires he also cannot ever form a full ego. Just like Sukuna and most of the ancient sorcerers he's a paradox of being all ego, and yet having an underdeveloped ego with shallow motivators.

Kenjaku cannot look within because he's a boring person, and he cannot look for other people to find worth in his life because they're just objects, so instead he looks into the void, he tries to change the world around him by spreading more chaos hoping that it will make something unpredictable happen in front of his eyes - and that will give him the meaning and investment in his life he's deprived himself of because he refuses to form relationships with other people.

It's the Gojo problem. It's the Kashimo problem. It's not the Sukuna problem, because Sukuna admits he doesn't care about and rejects things like love and meaning.

If Kenjaku makes the world around him a more interesting place, he will be able to live in it. It's the same as Gojo trying to raise people up to his level by creating stronger students.

So after going to great length to demonstrate how powerful and all-consuming Kenjaku's boredom is, and how cut off he is from his own humanity, here's the part where I sort of defend his death.

Wouldn't it be funny if the joke character killed the main villain?

Let's be honest it was Takaba's kill here, Yuta just camped and killstole. I think part of the problem with people not understanding the meaning behind Kenjaku's sudden and unexpected death is attributing the death to Yuta cutting his head off out of nowhere, and not Takaba's thematic victory over Kenjaku.

Takaba represents a blindspot for Kenjaku which is why the main characters use him as a weapon against him, and he also calls out in a fashion Kenjaku's hypocrisy. First and foremost, Kenjaku presents himself as an agent of change, but he actually has no interest in many of the modern sorcerers and holds a bias towards the heian era as the peak of sorcery. He even says that he's going to bring back the Heian Golden Age to Sukuna at the end of Shibuya arc.

Because that's what Chaos is Kenjaku, things being the same as they were 1,000 years ago. Kenjaku is an agent of change and chaos and somehow his definition of change is... resetting things back to the past because the sorcerers of the past were so much better than today.

Kenjaku goes out of his way to awaken hundreds of modern day sorcerers, and then dismisses literally off of them except for Hiromi because they don't have enough potential for him compared to ancient sorcerers. He essentially did the same with the Death Painting Bros, he went through all of the trouble to create them, then dismissed them as not having enough potential BEFORE THEY EVEN GOT THE CHANCE TO GROW UP.

Kenjaku has a habit of just going BORED NOW and leaving before he even gives things the time to impress him. He does the same with the Culling Game, he set up the death game to push sorcerers to fight each other and bring out their powers, but he never actually intended to watch the sorcerers evolve. He just wanted to slaughter everyone inside to start the merger.

He goes through a lot of potential to set up these situations and then abandons them before they have the chance to even evolve, because they do not have enough "potential" in his opinion, but like his opinion is often shown to be wrong. Takaba represents that blindspot because he was one of the modern sorcerers that Kenjaku underestimated and dismissed offhand as boring without giving him a chance to shine.

That is the joke that Takaba introduces himself with "Wouldn't it be funny if a random comic relief side character suddenly defeated the big bad?"

He's immediately pointing out a blindspot, because Kenjaku automatically believes himself to be an important character, he underestimates Takaba because he's a side character, one of the people Kenjaku has dismissed as boring and uninteresting (before they even had a chance to evolve into something else). Like that's the other thing Kenjaku wants things to evolve but he doesn't... let them. He abandoned Choso and the rest before they even grew up, they were literally fetuses and he threw them away. Kenjaku is the protagonist of reality, and Takaba is a side character, and therefore Takaba couldn't possibly harm him because Kenjaku and his boundless curiosity are the center of the world.

It's not just about subverting the audience's expectations to have the main villain die in such an anti-climactic way before the final act even starts, but it's pointing out how narrow Kenjaku's viewpoints really were all along. He wants everything to be surprised but he never lets anything surprise him, because either he gets bored right away, or he looks down on others before giving them the chance to evolve, or the third thing he just straight up has to control everything. He can't let the culling game evolve naturally he's going to slaughter all the players by hand so he can move onto the next part.

It's the contradiction between a schemer who needs to control everything and everyone to bring about his intended result and everything needs to be a part of his big plans, to someone who wants to be surprised by others and have things go off the rails. You can't have both of these things at once, Kenjaku cannot have things surprise him if he rigs everything to go his way with his overly elaborate schemes and his tight-fisted control of everyone in the story.

Like, in comparison to Kenjaku the joker just blows things up and sprays people with laughing gas. They're both playing the same game but the joker is having fun and Kenjaku isn't.

Kenjaku wants an unexpected future, but he doesn't care about any of the modern sorcerers and has a bias towards the heiean era that he considers the height and wants to reset things to bring back the heian era. He wants to be surprised but won't give up control.

Kenjaku's boast is that unlike Tengen he's spent a thousand years living on the ground instead of lording up on them from above like some deity, but is that true? Has Kenjaku lived? Has he engaged with the world? Formed relationships with people? Or does he just sit in the corner rubbing his hands together menacingly and scheming his schemes.

Takaba unironically gives Kenjaku what he wants, something he's never seen before in a thousand years, and it's from a place Kenjaku never expected. Some random guy, who he dismissed as one of the boring modern sorcerers with no potential like Higuruma.

Takaba not only exists in Kenjaku's blindspot, he almost immediately points out Kenjaku's second hypocrisy. If he's willing to resort to mass murder just to feel entertained, then if he found something else to entertain him there'd be no reason to get violent and scheme his schemes.

In other words Kenjaku hasn't really gone looking for other places to try to find what makes life worth living, or at least enertaining, he hasn't really tried any alternatives to finding joy in life because Jujutsu is all he cares about. Takaba says that if he found something else even more entertaining than the merger there'd be no need to go through with the merger, and he turns out to be right. Kenjaku could have found meaning and entertainment with the world someplace else, he was just too narrow minded and never looked anywhere else.

As I said from the beginning Kenjaku's existential crisis comes from his inability to relate to other people and viewing them all as objects, but in Kenjaku's mind of course he can't relate to others they're too boring, so therefore it's the world's fault, and the fault of others and not himself.

However, right away one of those boring people starts relating to Kenjaku.

I joked about how we know nothing about the Gojo clan but Takaba gets an entire backstory chapter about his failed comedy career, but this chapter is plot important because jokes are the way that Takaba relates to and forms relationships with other people. Takaba makes jokes to relate to others but has a fallout with a comedy partner and has never been able to form a lasting relationship with a comedic partner because comedy doesn't mean the same to them as it does to him - because to Takaba comedy is about forming relationships with people. Which is why he thinks he's failed if he's failed to make everyone in the audience laugh because he wants to make comedy that will make other people relate to him and understand him.

However, he almost gives up on comedy because he's afraid that he might fail on that endeavor. He gives up on striving to make everybody in the audience laugh, because of self-affirmation and a desire to protect himself. He didn't want to fail so he started distancing himself from the audience under the excuse "Well, I can't make everyone laugh so it's okay if not everyone understands me."

Takaba at some point gave up on trying to use comedy as a means of understanding and relating to others, because of his fear of failure and at that point he nearly lost - but he rallies himself by saying that he won't give up on making someone like Kenjaku laugh. If his comedy is about connecting to others, about understanding others and having others understand him then he can't just give up on Kenjaku and say it's Kenjaku's fault that Kenjaku can't relate to his sense of humor. He's got to try even harder to make Kenjaku laugh.

This is also pretty much the opposite of Kenjaku's point of view. For Kenjaku it's everyone else's fault for being so boring that's why he can't relate to them. Wheras, Takaba takes personal responsibility, he wasn't funny enough, he has to try harder, he's the one who's going to make Kenjaku laugh by improving himself. Takaba looks inward, and Kenjaku looks outwards because there's nothing inside Kenjaku.

This is a parallel to this.

The difference however, is that Sukuna did not betray his ideology. Sukuna lives for the kicks that battle provides him and wants to face strong opponents so he can eventually devoured them and be momentarily entertained.

Like Sukuna is not bored the way Kenjaku is. The world is his playground. He may refer to living as just killing time until you die, but he also says that there's an infinite variety of humans to entertain yourself with. The world is Sukuna's toybox and he's satisfied with just that. In fact he doesn't even care about the merger, until his frustration with Yuji makes him think a little deeper about himself.

Kenjaku is not the Sukuna in this scene, he's the Gojo. He believed he was above others, only to be reminded suddenly that he was just the same as everyone else and brought back down to humanity. I mean, they even die off panel the same anticlimactic way. Gojo's infinity meant nothing in the face of one surprise attack a world-cleaving slash Gojo didn't see coming. All of Kenjaku's backup plans meant nothing in the face of Yuta camping and kill-stealing.

Kenjaku didn't lose because Yuta's plan of camping and killstealing was simply too brilliant for him to prepare for however, we're given the exact reason kenjaku lost - because he was having too much fun with Takaba.

Which meant what Takaba said earlier was true, if Kenjaku found something funnier, something other than the merger that could make him laugh there'd be no need to go through with the merger to begin with.

Kenjaku loses because all along he could have related to people, formed meaningful relationships with others, looked for meaning in life outside of Jujutsu but just chose not to. Which is also a parallel to this.

Sukuna says that Kashimo and Gojo both lost because they were greedy. They already received love in a way, they had the love of everyone who regarded them as the strongest, they had people who earnestly wanted to challenge them and respected them - which Sukuna sees as a form of love, and yet they still wanted more.

They were the ones who put themselves up on that pedestal and decided to stand above all of humanity, they don't get to whine about being lonely on top of that.

To add my interpretation to Sukuna's speech, what he's outlining is a general conflict in Jujutsu Kaisen, you can choose to be all ego to put personal development above everything else but it comes at the cost of not being able to form relationships. Maki's as powerful as Toji now, but the sister she always wanted to protect is dead and basically committed suicide. Meanwhile Noritoshi Kamo didn't participate in the final battle, but he reconnected with his mother and half-brother.

There are plenty of characters who die and suffer in jujutsu kaisen because they chose to value other people above themselves, because Jujutsu Kaisen rewards selfishness and punishes selflessness / having an underdeveloped sense of self.

I'll pick Mechamaru as my biggest example, he lived to protect Miwa, and not only does he die an unsatisfying death, he also breaks her heart.

However, at least Mechamaru experienced love. His desire to protect Miwa is granted, because Miwa is also out of the final conflict. Mechamaru is one of the most miserable characters in the manga, and yet he experienced love in his life for someone else that made his brief life meaningful. The characters who choose love, and other people over strength tend to get stepped on, but they at least had that love in their life to begin with.

It's a having your cake and eating it too situation. Kashimo chose strength over love, and he got to be so strong he was unbeatable and lived to old age, but not only is he unfulfilled but he whines about being unable to relate to the people around him - you're the one who chose to step on everyone like bugs.

Characters in Jujutsu Kaisen don't just experience death when they try to be selfless however, like yeah there's a disproportionate amont of selfless minor characters who die, but like Yuji is the most selfless character in the manga and he's continually punished for it and yet he's the one referred to as a person with an unbreakable will.

Rather instead of Jujutsu Kiasen preferring the selfish side on the scale of selfishness / selflessness, the kind of messy, deaths that get handed out to people like Mechamaru happen when you betray the ideals you were living for. Whether they were selfish or selfless.

It goes back to Toji's internal monologue. You lose when you lose sight of yourself - like there's some deaths that don't fit the mould but for the most part, Gojo, Kashimo, Toji's and then Kenjaku's deaths all follow this pattern. By coincidence they also all take place offscreen for the most part (I suppose we see Yuta cut off Kenjaku's head but it's quick and unsatisfying compared to all the rest).

Kenjaku died because he betrayed what he was living for and he temporarily lost sight of himself. As I said Kenjaku's airtight principles were that everyone was boring and people weren't worth relating too so the only way to find enertainment in life is to cause chaos - but he found himself relating to some nobody he wrote off as a minor character Takaba and having fun with him. Which meant the belief he was false, he could have tried relating to other people all along he just didn't.

He warped his sense of self to reaffirm his identity. Takaba almost did that too, he tried to blame other people for not finding him funny to protect himself, but he moved past that and redoubled his efforts to make Kenjaku laugh.

There's also the added layer of irony that Kenjaku's sudden death brings about, the person who spent a thousand years trying to make the merger happen doesn't get to see it.

However, here's my assertion on why Kenjaku's death before the merger always had to happen.

Because, even if Kenjaku had seen the merger he still would have been bored.

Literally everything about Kenjaku's character and previous actions shows that even if he made his big scheme come true, he would have gone "meh" and moved onto the next scheme because that's how he always reacts.

He got bored of the death painting siblings, he presumably got bored of Yuji, he got bored of all the ancient sorcerers and new sorcerers he made for the culling game, he worked with the disaster curses and got bored of them and dismissed them as inferior primitive curses, he goes out of the way to engineer these chaotic situations and then never feels any satisfaction from them so why would the Merger be any different?

Not only did Kenjaku die before he saw the merger, he was basically doomed to never see the merger, because it would not have fixed whatever is wrong inside of him.

Because it's not the world that's boring, it's Kenjaku himself.

He gets a brief glimpse of what he could have done in life, that he could have tried to forge connections with the people around him and related to them on a personal level - and then he dies the way he lived, in a kind of boring and unsatisfying way.

It's the narrative punishing him in a way, the same way it punished Gojo, and Kashimo, by not letting him see the big explosion after he went to all the trouble rigging the bombs. It's punishing him for the same reason too - by deviating from his true self and showing what he thought were his reasons were shallow all along. Gojo could have always related to people he just chose to stand on his pedestal alone, and Kenjaku could have always found the world to be more enertaining he was the one dismissing other people as boring without giving them a chance to grow.

Takaba confronted his beliefs and then stayed true to his ideology of making everyone, 100% of the people in the crowd laugh. Kenjaku didn't confront his beliefs, he strayed from them because he didn't have the strength of character to evaluate himself the way Takaba did.

Hence, he's finished off by one of those boring people who used their power in a way he never expected. The main villain is defeated by the comic relief character and it's hilarious.

#jjk meta #kenjaku #fumihiko takaba #ryomen sukuna #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen theory #jujutsu kaisen analysis #jjk spoiler #jujutsu kaisne spoiler #big spoiler actually

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bluehwale · 1 year

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okay so idk if you’re taking requests or not, BUT BUT BUT could u please write ateez as chb demigods (kind of like the jongho one), the scream i let out when i read demigod on the post was a bit embarrassing tbh

also hi new follower 👋 gonna go stalk ur masterlist/s don’t mind me :))

the rainbow thief | demigods! poly ateez au

02 / ‘the rainbow thief’ masterpost / prev / next

summary. eight demigods find themselves ecstatic over finally mustering up enough courage to let you know about their unbridled feelings for you, only to find a threat looming upon them; a rainbow thief that's set out to steal you.

or alternatively,

your best friends are oblivious to your reciprocating feelings.

pairing(s). ot8 demigods! ateez x daughter of iris! reader (son of hades! hongjoong, son of athena! hwa, son of apollo! yunho, son of poseidon! yeosang, son of zeus! san, son of aphrodite! mingi, son of dionysus! wooyoung & son of ares! jongho)

word count. 3.1k

genre. pure crack, angst if you squint real hard until ur eyes close, tons of fluff, literally the dumbest thing i've written help, basically idiots2lovers, ateez are chronic simps to the point where it's hard to watch, borderline unhinged behavior, they are also himbos!

warnings. alcohol intake (wooyoung and his wine), cursing, not proofread sorry </3

note. hi! this has been sitting in my drafts for a long while and i'm so sorry it took so long to be posted (almost d worded bc of my assignments) anyways, i kinda added a spin on this req by making it a poly fic, i hope you don't mind! thankyou so so much for being my first ever request<3 hv a great day!! ily ^3^ ++ feedback would be greatly appreciated pls i need to improve my writing

masterlist

San thinks this is definitely a level nine code red.

To give you an understanding of San’s Catastrophe Indicator, here’s some scale to context; a level eight would be Wooyoung somehow finding out his deepest darkest secret— that he still sleeps with his plushies every night; and a level ten would be getting zapped on the ass by his dad’s lightning bolt (and potentially having to stay in the infirmary for a week). So yes, a level nine is alarming, if not, exceptionally lethal.

It’s been exactly 53 minutes and 46 seconds since San has been watching you enthusiastically converse with an unfamiliar boy who’s sitting a little too close to you for his liking. His heart aches at the way you throw your head back as you let out your endearing giggles and how you teasingly shove his arm while the boy looks over to you with a grin, probably proud of a joke he told that made you laugh.

(It has also been 53 minutes and 46 seconds since the pink haired boy remains frozen behind a tree— the perfect hiding spot, he mused— all the while trembling like a leaf as he struggles to resist the temptation of flying in your direction curled up as a ball to hopefully cannonball the boy off the bench beside you.)

San huffs, he won’t let this be! It’s supposed to be the special day where he and the boys finally let you know about their feelings, and he would rather backflip off a cliff than let this undeniably handsome, seemingly perfect, flawlessly flirty guy who looks like he jumped out of a popular romance anime seduce you!

He falters, however, when he sees you stand up and grasp the boy’s hand to rise along with you.

The poor boy’s eyes almost popped out of their sockets when he sees you inch closer to the blue haired boy, a pretty smile evident on your face as he then wraps an arm around you, pulling you close while whispering something into your ear that makes you blush.

This can’t be happening!

San’s hands turn jittery as he unconsciously moves away from his hiding spot, needing to get closer to you, his best friend that he’s been hopelessly in love with for years, but he can feel his heart finally breaking when you excitedly pull the boy into a warm embrace.

Snap!

Your head looks up to see San pausing his steps after accidentally stepping on a tree branch with eyes as wide as a deer caught in headlights. You innocently wave at him and San prays that the ground would swallow him whole.

He feels his hands grow clammy as he ungracefully dives behind a trash can to (unsuccessfully) hide himself from you and the unfamiliar boy walking together towards his direction. But of course, with the unmistaken pop of his pink hair, it’s hard not to notice him— especially for you.

“San!”

The demigod curses under his breath when he sees you in front of him and sheepishly stands up to meet your amused eyes. The blue-haired boy beside you stifles a laugh with an unconvincing cough and San thinks he hears the male mumble, “Oh, is this one of them—” before you elbow him on the stomach, cutting him off as he groans.

You pay no attention to the boy beside you as he doubles over in pain to clutch his gut, you turn to brightly grin at your best friend instead. “Meet Yeonjun! He just got here yesterday and, oh, he’s an Aphrodite kid! I think you both would get along pretty well.”

San feels his eye twitch. He tunes out your voice that rings throughout the air as you introduce him to your new friend.

A son of Aphrodite. Your new friend.

Aphrodite. The goddess of beauty and love.

His heart sinks into his stomach.

This might be even worse than a code red level nine.

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“There better be a good reason for San to drag me here in the middle of drafting up my Capture the Flag strategy plans.” Seonghwa, the brain and only hope of the group, crosses his arms and tsks.

The state of an emergency calls San and Mingi (an Aphrodite kid and the first San ran to for consultation) to round up everyone in the infirmary, an unfitting spot to hold their “emergency meeting” but the two boys couldn’t wait for Yunho’s healer shift to end. Mingi taps his feet anxiously when it looks like San’s unwillingness to speak due to his sullen mood means that he will have to be the one to break the news.

Ever the poster child of rationality, he slowly starts, “We think… _____ might be interested in someone.”

“You mean some people,” Wooyoung cackles, sipping his wine from an ‘I LOVE DIONYSUS’ mug as he gestures to his best friends sitting around in a circle. “There’s nothing to worry about, everyone in camp told me she’s 100% gonna accept our confession. They even think we’re all already dating.” The boy proudly smiles, taking another sip of his wine as his stomach flutters at the thought of you.

“She’s in love with an Aphrodite kid,” San blurts out.

Splatters of red wine burst out of Wooyoung’s mouth when San’s words finally registers in his mind, leaving him to stammer and gape wordlessly as chaos ensues with the rest of the boys.

“What are you talking about?!” gasped Seonghwa, any previous thought of his strategy plans immediately forgotten.

“But— but we were supposed to tell her today!” Yunho, ever in tune with his emotions, wails while his hands slap his face to cover his already leaking eyes. “What are we gonna do with the humongous bouquet I requested the Demeter kids to make last night?!” He reaches out a shaky finger to point at the flower bouquet and an equally large teddy bear taking up a whole corner of the infirmary.

Amidst the commotion, Mingi locks his arms around Yeosang who seems to have resigned from his body completely and looks like he’d willingly give himself up as lunch for any nearby sea monster. “Guys, calm down, maybe this is all just a misunderstanding—”

“An Aphrodite kid, you say?” interrupted Jongho, already rolling up his sleeves to relieve his bulging biceps from ripping his shirt apart. “What’s this guy’s name and what does he look like?”

“Jongho, you’re not killing anyone—”

“Mingi’s right,” Hongjoong sighs, eerily calm besides the smoke fuming from his nostrils and his eyes that glint devilishly. “Instead of killing him, making him suffer throughout his afterlife sounds much better, I’ll make sure my dad takes note of him.”

“That’s not what I meant!” interjects Mingi who, still grasping a Yeosang who’s ready to jump up and dash off into the ocean, shoots a desperate look begging for help to the eldest.

“Maybe he’s trying to seduce her into a pyramid scheme?” Seonghwa supplies weakly, brain racking to find any other reason to support the idea that maybe you’re merely close with this person as friends and not because you’re in love with him.

“And why the fuck would he do that?”

“We demigods aren’t immune to capitalism.”

“It’s hopeless,” counters San, shutting everyone else up. They look over to him with furrowed brows and trembling lips, one that matches his own. “You weren’t there– you didn’t see what I saw. She looked so happy.”

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The eight sulky boys toddle around mopily as they pick apart the romance-themed decorations littered around the hidden area you all claimed as your group’s private hangout place. They can’t help but feel dejected over the fact that you— their best friend who they’ve been in love with for years, like someone else.

“Thought I’d find you guys here.”

Speak of the devil.

Their heads snap to find you walking on the path of rose petals they prepared earlier today, dressed in a baby blue mini dress you reserve only for special occasions instead of your usual get up of the orange Camp Half-Blood shirt and jeans. An easy smile rests on your face as you greet your best friends and they can’t help but feel their hearts grow heavier at the sight (except for Yeosang who is too busy panicking over you possibly noticing the ‘We Love You _____!’ banner that is still on display).

“______, what are you doing here?” The glint in your eyes visibly falters at Seonghwa’s question, your excitement twisting into unbridled nerves that settles uncomfortably in your gut when you notice everyone staring at you as if you shouldn’t be here.

Word spreads crazy fast in camp and it didn’t take long for you to overhear about the surprise the boys had planned for you. Although it unsettles you that the boys might be upset at their spoiled attempt of surprising you, you can’t help but feel giddy at the thought of them liking you back after all these years of you believing that your feelings went unreciprocated.

So imagine your confusion when none of your best friends showed up to lead you to your surprise and that, after happily skipping all the way here, you find them hostile in your presence.

“Uh,” you trail off, nervously picking at the skin around your fingernails as you try to gauge their reactions. “It’s just… I didn’t see any of you today except for San. I missed you guys.”

It seems like that was the wrong thing to say as the boys, to your confusion, suddenly broke in tears.

“You can’t say things like that!” Yeosang hiccups, bringing a hand to his face to wipe the steady stream of tears falling from his eyes and earning broken mutters of agreement from the other boys.

"Wha—What?" you stammer, surprised at their reactions. What’s going on?

“You shouldn’t say things like that when you know we can’t have you.”

“What do you mean? Why can’t you?”

“Because you’re in love with someone else!”

You pause. “Huh?” Any trace of your previous nervousness vanished, instead replaced with rejoicement at the thought of them being jealous over you with someone else. You restrain the urge to giggle.

“It’s okay, ____. We understand,” sniffles Seonghwa, clamping his hand over Wooyoung’s mouth who was clinging onto his arm while yelling: ‘NO, WE DO NOT UNDERSTAND!’ It took awhile for the eldest to eventually tackle the younger to the ground, suppressing him by placing his weight over him while Wooyoung continues to let out muffled yelps as he struggles. Seonghwa turns to you and offers a weak smile, the usual shine in his eyes nowhere to be seen. “We’re happy for you.”

You try to contain your amusement. “You are?”

“We are,” Yunho nods, hastily wiping away his own tears to hold both of your hands in his (you can distinctly hear Wooyoung’s muffled scream of ‘WE’RE NOT!’ in the background). “We’ll always be here for you. We’ll always be your best friends.”

“That’s gonna be a problem, though,” you chide lightly, feeling the smile you’ve been trying to mask creep up to your face. “I want you to be more than just best friends.”

It took a couple seconds for the sulky boys to register what you said and when they did, you’d think they’d won the lottery or something (you’re pretty sure Jongho leaped three feet up in the air).

“But what about that Aphrodite kid?”

You turn to Hongjoong in confusion. “What Aphrodite kid?”

Everyone turns to accusingly look at a certain pink haired boy.

San gulps. “Yeonjun,” he mutters. It comes out sounding more like a question than a statement.

“...Yeonjun?” you burst into laughter, uncontrollable giggles escaping you from how ridiculous this is. “We’re just friends and he has a boyfriend. I was even talking about you guys all day to him!”

“Y—you were?” San stutters, already feeling the pointed glares burning on his back. “I—I thought you liked him…”

“I don’t,” you reassure them with a smile. “How could I when I’m in love with you guys?”

Mingi lets out a relieved scream, enveloping you in a tight hug to bury his face in your hair and inhale his favorite scent— the sweet smell of coconuts; you. “You don’t know how happy I am to hear that. We’ve been in love with you too.”

You take a peek from Mingi’s embrace to see the other boys celebrating; Wooyoung’s already chugging down a freshly opened bottle of wine while the rest of the boys are simultaneously doing tiny hops in a group hug and letting out excited yelps. Your cheeks ache from grinning too hard at how cute your boys are.

“_____! We need to go to the infirmary, we prepared something for you!” Yunho excitedly pulls at your arm, just remembering the bouquet and teddy bear for you, separating you from the blonde giant who’s now sporting a pout at you leaving him.

You and Yunho both merrily skip your way to the infirmary with your hands intertwined and pink dusting your cheeks, unknowingly leaving a pink haired boy to meet his doom.

“Aha, who would’ve thought that she’s not actually in love with another guy?” San forced out a nervous chuckle, slowly backing up from his best friends and wishing he could disappear just about right now. “No hard feelings right? Everyone makes mistakes—”

“Shut up. Come here.”

Not too long after, a loud scream rings throughout the camp.

(“That sounds so much like San, don’t you think?” you worriedly ask the boy beside you who’s dwarfed behind the huge teddy bear he’s helping you carry to the Iris Cabin.

“Nah, that’s not San.” Yunho calmly shrugs, his smirk hidden behind the gigantic bear plushie as he thinks of his own revenge against the culprit for his whirlwind of emotions he went through earlier today.)

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INTERLOGUE

BEFORE THE EMERGENCY MEET UP IN THE INFIRMARY…

“Mingi.”

“Huh?” The blonde boy in question looks up to see San barging into his room, looking as if he ran a marathon to Aphrodite’s cabin (which is exactly what he did). “How did you even get inside?”

San ignores his question. “You have a new brother?”

“Oh, Yeonjun?” Mingi nonchalantly asks, missing the way San’s figure goes rigid at his name as he returns to applying black polish on his nails. “Yeah, he just got here yesterday. Cool guy. What’s up?”

“I think _____’s in love with him.”

“What?!”

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thesparklingwriter · 1 year

Text

a gift from a dragon

"Was I ever going to be told about this, or was I supposed to accidentally discover it myself?"

tags: pet names, fem!reader, established relationship, reader is preganant, dragon!zhongli doing dragon!zhongli things because im a simp, nesting, tooth rottingly fluffy

ao3 link | taglist | masterlist | next

hello everyone ^^ this segment of the zhongli flufftober that is now just 31 fluffshots is inspired by this ask! i recommend checking it out so you know what the original context was :) i had so much fun writing this, i was literally kicking my feet and giggling like an imbecile... anyway I've been told by a couple of betas on some other works that i may have a slight over reliance on dialogue so I've been working on setting the scene a bit more through description, please tell me if this slays or not.

i am down so astronomically bad for family man zhongli be still my beating heart and ovaries cause wtaf

Zhongli's favourite part of the day is easily six pm when he can hurry home from the funeral parlor to see you. But over the few weeks, he's been becoming more on edge as the clock tends to the end of his work day. He's never particularly enjoyed being away from you for long, granted, but he always wants to be at home now.

On his way home, he passes through the market stalls and finds himself drawn to a couple of stands, musing over how the wares would suit your home perfectly. Before he knows it, he's bought a ridiculous amount of goods and is staggering under the weight of it as he returns home to you. He'd only meant to buy the vase, but then he'd been drawn to some woolen blankets and pillowcases with golden threads, and how could he ignore his instincts when they were calling out to him so loudly?

"You're finally home," you smile when he comes through the front door. You dare not ask about the ridiculous amount of things he's been buying recently–when you do, he looks at you with confusion, as if you're supposed to know what he's doing. You don't. At all. When it comes to Zhongli and his instincts, you've learned to ride the wave and accept whatever you're told.

Zhongli lowers his head to kiss you, manoeuvering his pile of goodies out of your way. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm great. How are you?" You shoot back snarkily. You know that's not what he's asking—he's asking about whether the baby's been good today or whether you've done anything particularly exciting with the sudden excess of time you've been granted since taking maternity leave.

"I'm well, thanks," he replies, chuckling at your evasion of his question. You do this almost every day, withholding the details of your day from him until he sits down and gives you his full attention—something he can't do while carrying a whole mound of knitted goods.

"I'll tell you more after you put that away. Where are you stashing all that stuff anyway?" You ask, and Zhognli shrugs.

"Places." he smiles, heading upstairs. The aforementioned place is your room—not that you spend much time in it. In fact, Zhongli's been in your old room more often in the past three months than you have since you moved in. As your pregnancy progresses, you seek him out more than usual, desperate for his comfort. And so, his room has become a shared room. Not that he particularly minds.

When he returns downstairs, he lies down, resting his head in your lap, and you tell him everything you've done today, absent-mindedly braiding his hair as you talk. He likes being close to your stomach, even though you're barely showing, and listens attentively, asking questions about your adventures. Nine times out of ten, you both fall asleep like this, and you awake in the morning in your bed. But today, you wake up before Zhongli does, having napped earlier in the day, and carefully slip away from him, slipping a pillow under his head where you once had been.

The sheer amount of knitted things Zhongli brought today has made you want to revive your old hobby of crocheting in the hopes you might be able to make something for the baby. If you remember correctly, the last time you crocheted anything was when you still used your room for its intended purpose—and not as a walk-in wardrobe. And so, you march yourself to your room, ready to check under the bed for your trunk of supplies.

Or rather, you would be if Zhongli hadn't replaced your bed with what feels like thousands of pillows and blankets.

Oh, Li, you think, wrapping a blanket with golden threads around your shoulders.

Sometimes, it's easy to forget that the man wasn't always human—that even though his body is that of a man's, his mind and soul aren't, and that sometimes old instincts kick in. Was he embarrassed? Was he worried that you'd think he's weird?

You walk towards the large pile of comforters out of curiosity. If he put this much work into it, you might as well test if it's any good, right? You sink into the blankets, curling up with one of the pillows in your hands. It feels like every part of your body is being hugged by him and you can swear the blankets smell like him. Before you know it, you've fallen asleep, a golden pillow clutched close to your chest.

When Zhongli wakes up and finds you replaced by a pillow but the house silent, he's slightly concerned. Have you injured yourself while he's been sleeping? It can't be. He would have woken up. And so he decides to search for you. Just to make sure you're alright. He can't be too careful. But you're not in his bed, and you're not in the bathroom, the study, or the small makeshift library he'd put together for you.

The final place to look is your old room, but you'd had no reason to go in there before, so why would you go now all of a sudden? But of course, that's where he finds you, curled up in the middle of the sorry attempt of a nest he'd put together to try and curb his urges. He wishes he'd had enough time to finalise his preparations, but seeing you sleep so happily makes his heart swell. He sits on the floor beside the bed, carefully taking your hand in his as you stir, resting your hand on your stomach as you sit up.

"Good evening," he smiles, and you stare at him blankly as if you don't understand, a sign you've slept well. "Are you alright?"

You nod, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him into bed with you. When you've finally woken up enough to talk, you look up at him and ask: "Was I ever going to be told about this, or was I supposed to accidentally discover it myself?"

"I had intended it to be a gift for you and the baby when you were further along, but I have no objections to you getting an early present." His smile is excited and bright as he pulls you closer to him, suddenly overcome with the feeling that you can never be close enough.

"This is not what I expected when I found out dragons nest." You smile against his chest.

"Well, I can't exactly bring you feathers, can I? You'd slaughter me the minute I step over the threshold, so this will have to do."

"I can think of worse places to sleep," you smile, kissing him lightly. "Thank you. I love it."

taglist: @ainescribe @thelonelyarchon

#tswzhongliflufftober #zhongli #genshin impact #zhongli fluff #genshin fluff #zhongli x reader #fanfiction #zhongli fanfic #zhongli flufftober #flufftober #genshin impact fluff #genshin impact fan fiction #genshin fan fiction #genshin zhongli #zhongli genshin x reader #zhongli genshin impact #genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader

294 notes · View notes

mysticalsoot · 6 months

Text

reconciliation and forgiveness

part 2 of 'peer pressure and canned beer' // bs au

➸ note; so- it's not Halloween themed but it is a fic I've been procrastinating finishing for five months (basically no motivation for it-) but it's now complete and I have some more wips for this au that I'm working on!! i couldn't keep it to myself any longer so- yeah here I am!! also!! please let me know if you want to be added to the bs au taglist or my main taglist

➸ pairing; bs!au wilbur gold/soot x gn!reader

➸ summary; after convincing from your other crew trainer and a couple weeks of a break; you finally decide to talk it out with wilbur on what happened that night (can be read as standalone but context from part 1 would be good as well!)

➸ warning; angst, hurt/comfort, I easily forgive Wilbur, that's my own problem, kissing, mentions of being drunk/hungover, probably swearing, tension but not good tension

➸ age-rating; 15+

➸ wordcount; 2.9k

part 1

main masterlist

---

Your hope somehow turned into a manifestation, and thankfully, Wilbur got stuck in sickbay--after Grace had dragged him there, of course following a very very long drawn out lecture that he most definitely deserved. You wanted to lay in bed and rot, you didn't want to talk to anyone, speak a single word or even open your eyes. You managed to get away with that for the first half of the day, and you hummed when you felt the bed dip beside you. Your dad was here.

"Kiddo.. how are you feeling?" You open your eyes, watching as his lips curl into a solemn smile.

"I'm not the one with a hangover." Your tone is flat and dry, you could care less for inflection at this moment. You'd rather be left alone to wither away to dust, but your dad is insistent. He isn't going to let go, he'll want to be there for you, and he always has.

"Yeah, well, when he's out of sickbay I'm going to have a talk with him and then his parents," He pats your knee, sighing before looking down and folding his hands in his lap.

"Is he.." Your voice falters as you take a deep breath and curl onto your side, "Will he get in trouble?"

Your dad shrugs, looks over at you and let's a soft smile curl on his lips before speaking, "A bit. He did break curfew, sneak out and consume alcohol. But I do know him, and I know it wasn't his idea. I'm not going to punish him as if it was his idea."

"You know it was- It was them, right?" Your father nods at your inquiry.

"It was obvious that it was, this isn't the first time they've pulled such a thing," he pauses, thinking for a moment, he rubs your hair and then sighs, “I think you should go ahead to breakfast, yeah?”

He stands up, nodding at you, bidding to see you later before leaving the room. You groan in annoyance before standing up and heading to your dorm to change. It doesn't take you longer than a few minutes to do so, not bothering with your hair before shutting your dorm door and hurrying down the stairs.

It's a Saturday morning, at least lucky for you. And perhaps for Wil too. He stays in sickbay and doesn't miss any classes. You don't have any classes to attend and you can just flee back to your room to rot, like you intended to.

Your mind sort of shuts down on the walk over to the cafeteria, numb of thoughts and feelings as your eyes drop carelessly. It's relatively bare of students, which isn't a surprise for eight in the morning on a Saturday, most kids wake up around nine or ten and don't bother to eat until lunchtime.

Unlucky for you, you're a morning bird and so is Andy. So even if you didn't sleep in his and your father's dorm, you'd still wake up to have breakfast with him.

The moment you step into line, grabbing your tray after you sanitized your hands, your mind then fell to thoughts of Wil. Mornings where you'd both stand in line and talking about everything and nothing while grabbing your food and sitting down together. Laughing and smiling and going about your days together. Something you can't quite do now, and you aren't sure if you even want to. Do you even want to be around him?

It's a valid question that you asked yourself, although you're sure in a week you'll have forgiven him and forgotten about last night. But for the moment, you feel more hurt and angry than he's ever made you. Maybe it's the fact he let himself get pressured, or maybe it's that he didn't stop May from kissing him or the words he used when you tried to help him. It was probably a combination of things, but lucky for him you can't seem to be angry at him for long.

Your tray fills up, or at least somewhat. The star hashbrowns and the pancakes shaped as moons seem to be your choice for the morning. You find a seat at your usual place, staring out the large windows and watching students and teachers walk by. Some museum guests too, admiring the newly remodeled Pathfinder. It only took them four or so years to get it fixed, so might as well admire their work.

What feels like miliseconds but was probably minutes passes by, and Andy fits a seat in front of you, smiling softly with almost a hint of sadness to it.

"How are you feeling?" He speaks so gently, like you were a kicked puppy completely incapable of doing anything.

"Why do people keep fucking asking me that? I'm fucking fine," You seethe, and you catch a glimpse of Andy almost flinching and then his mouth curves down into a frown, "Sorry," you mumble the simple apology, looking down and sighing.

"I'm just worried about you, kiddo. Y'know? We all are," He almost reaches forward to rest his hand on yours, but he holds back realizing it may not be the best idea. Words will simply have to do.

"Everyone heard, huh?" you scoff, rolling your eyes at the thought as you mess with your pancakes, not bothering to eat them quite yet.

Andy nods gingerly, "The whole floor probably."

"That's my fault, I shouldn't have provoked a drunk guy," you put down your fork, glancing up at Andy as he gazes at you, worry etched on his features.

"It's no one's fault, okay? It happened and things will be handled accordingly. Your father and I have a meeting with Evan and Cati, and the trainers for that other team. Hopefully we'll come to an agreement on what happened before we get leadership involved," He takes a bite of his own food after speaking, hoping that it'll somehow indirectly encourage you to eat. It's worked before, so why not now?

"Keep dad in check for me, yeah?" A soft smirk plays on your lips at the thought, your dad can be decently protective of his kids and sometimes gets a bit heated. He's a good teacher though, and Ethan is the same way. Cati and Andy have a handful today.

"I'll do my best, lucky for me, he's short and easily containable," He pauses, sucking in a breath as his eyebrows raise, "Mostly."

He keeps quiet for a while, watching you every now and then as you slowly eat your breakfast. Your mind wanders where it shouldn't, dabbling in thoughts that should never see the light of day, but yet they do.

Thoughts and regrets bubble up, swirling together in a dangerous concoction. Maybe you should have just kept your mouth shut. Or perhaps it would've been best if you fought him on going. The mature thing to do is to talk to Wilbur, get it over with and come to a kind agreement. But what you want to do is never speak to him again. You know you're probably being overdramatic. That it isn't worth your breath to ponder over it or be so pissed off about the situation. It wastes more energy than it's worth. Yet you can't help it, you're hurt and you're angry and all you want to do is scream at the moment.

"You should go visit Wilbur, talk to him," Andy finally speaks up, his tray already taken care of and the team's teacher binder set in front of him.

"I don't think it's a good idea," A deep sigh slips past your lips as you chew on a hashbrown you grabbed a moment ago.

"You'll never know if you don't try," He pauses, hesitating and thinking over whatever he has planned to say next, "It may be your last time to see him in person for a while. He's probably going to be suspended."

You weigh the thought in your mind, considering his words and your own thoughts and worries. It takes you a few minutes before you nod, surrendering, "Okay, fine," you let out a gentle breath, playing with your food again.

Andy smiles, nodding before standing up and taking his binder with him. He begins to walk away before stopping beside you, resting his hand on your shoulder to encourage you to meet his eyes. You do.

"I love you, kiddo. Remember that," His lips curve up softly, a warm smile meant for you. The intention meant to solidify his words. He loves you, and you're thankful of that.

"I know," you smile softly, nodding as you keep your gaze up at him, "I love you too."

He nods again, patting your shoulder before walking away and then you're left with your thoughts yet again. Letting them run wild won't do you much good, even if wallowing and rotting seems the most appealing, it isn't the best plan of action. So you take a deep breath, and stand up, walking over to take care of your tray. You run your fingers over the concrete walls, letting your mind numb itself for the walk over to sick bay.

You pray and hope this isn't a bad idea, that Wilbur won't be against seeing you. That he won't view you in the way he seemed to last night. That he'll hear you out for once and perhaps rectify what he messed up. You have responsibility in the matter as well, and you have every plan to apologize yourself. Where you can, at the least.

It's fall now, the chilly air filling your lungs and what leaves have changed now fall from selective trees. Alabama Octobers are like that, selective in its weather and what leaves fall, and what trees turn. But it's nice, it's relaxing and it gives something different even if it's annoying.

You pass underneath the Pathfinder, gazing up at it as you venture through the courtyard it's placed in. There's not many students out today, or at this hour at the least. But a few wander the campus, speaking amongst one another. A few couples make out behind bushes or behind aircraft. You turn into the covered opening, pushing the door open and entering sick bay.

A younger nurse sits at the desk and looks up at you, "What can I do for you, hun?" Her smile is sweet and soft, it's welcoming and she seems decently spry for how early it is.

"I'm here to visit Wilbur Gold?" Your voice lilts at the end, raising in question as you fidget with your fingers.

"He's over there, bunk two," she smiles and nods and you make your way over, knocking on the walls separating the bunk areas.

"Hi," you whisper, eyes glancing down at Wilbur where he sits on the bottom bunk. He looks up at you, eyes widening in a combination of shock and worry.

"Hey," he mumbles in return, putting down the textbook he had in hand and shutting it.

You hold your breath for a moment, mind wandering for a few more seconds as you wonder what to say and then it slips out, "I'm sorry, about last night."

You step into the small bunk room, fingers wringing together and tapping your fingertips together. He shakes his head, a wry laugh let out at your words.

"It's not your fault,"

You stop him short, "but I did antagonize you."

For some reason that you cant quite place, you don't have it in you to be angry, and instead you're just in a state of guilt. You should have stopped him from going, even if it wasn't your job to protect him.

"So? I was the drunk asshole who kissed another girl. I'm sorry, y/n. It's my fault." He pats the spot beside him, pulling his legs up against his chest to make room for you on the small bunk.

You keep quiet, not sure what else to say as you take a seat on the other side of the bunk, keeping your gaze on the wall. Wilbur mirrors your silence, chewing on his lip, his eyes boring into the side of your face.

"I'm only getting a two week suspension," he finally breaks the silence, trying desperately to grasp at something, anything with you.

You nod softly, taking in a deep breath, you turn to him yet don't make eye contact, "Good," you stop again, standing and beginning to walk out.

"I forgive you, but- I need a bit. if that's okay?" You step through the doorway, over the threshold and turn the corner. Wilbur doesn't respond, he just lets the vacant sound of your footsteps retreating out of sickbay.

He doesn't know what he'll do with himself when he's gone, yet he's sure some wallowing will be involved.

You, on the other hand, spend the rest of the day hiding away in the Davidson center. Wilbur is on the other side of campus, packing for his two week suspension back at home. You're sure his parents had a few colorful words for him once they were called and that you were right about. His father had more things to say than his mom, of anything his dad wasn't as aware as her on how susceptible Wilbur could be to peer pressure. Wil wasn't sure if his dad even knew him anymore, and sometimes you wonder if you would have felt the same, if your dad hadn't adopted you. Maybe Charlie feels that way.

You kept to yourself for the following two weeks, talking with your sister and some of your friends but mostly keeping to yourself. You spend so much time to yourself that you're ahead with your work, which isn't too out of the picture since you mostly are on track but with the extra time to yourself; you get ahead.

As usual, your dad is proud of you, showing that outwardly but also keeping his worries to himself, watching you closely and almost acting as if you'll break if he breathes too hard. And maybe you will, you're not even sure yourself.

Sometimes you feel like a live fuse, ready to burn and implode, but other times you just feel numb, unsure on how to process things. Yet as the day he comes back crawls closer, you find yourself growing at peace with your situation, still missing him but almost forgiving him through his absence. You kept in contact with him, but it was far and few between given your schedule with school and him sort of being a bit grounded. He did explain that was his father's doing, it made sense to you how it was.

You woke up that morning, reaching for your phone just to see the excited messages he left for you. How he was finally looking forward to seeing you again, and the plans he had for you both.

You knew he had apologies attached and that he only wanted to mutter them in person, for that, you were thankful.

You managed to go about your day quietly, tidying up your bunk before heading over to the library on campus, returning a few books you borrowed for a project, and then walking back over to the main museum. Wandering through the halls and exhibits, admiring them as if you don't pass by them hundreds of times a day. It kept your mind off everything.

Somewhere between them and now, you'd walked back to your dorm, turning into the room only to see Wilbur unpacking. You stop in the doorway, watching him make his bunk and put away his bags.

"Hey, Wil," you finally speak up, greeting him and he immediately turns to face you, smiling happily at you.

"Hey," he whispers, walking over to you and offering a hug, which you gratefully take, falling into his arms and hugging him tightly around his waist.

"I'm glad you're back," you mumble against his chest, holding yourself tighter against him, reveling in his warmth; something you didnt realize you missed so much.

"Me too," he breathes, kissing your cheek before pulling back to look down at you, "I'm sorry, genuinely. I shouldn't have let her kiss me, and I sure as hell shouldn't have snapped at you how I did. You didn't deserve any of that, and so I'm sorry."

a small smile creeps up on your lips as he speaks, rambling at a speed faster than what should be humanly possible. so once he takes a breath, you lean up to press your lips to his, letting his mold to yours as you kiss one another, the exchange beginning to build in tension. he holds his hands on your hips, pulling you flush against him as you reach your fingers to sift through the curls on the back of his head. soft whimpers and hums are shared between your mouths, his grip getting tighter as you lift yourself higher on your toes.

you take a few more moments before you both decide to break for breath, eyes meeting before you both smile and laugh, "so, am I forgiven?" he whispers against your lips, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth before swiping his thumbs over your hip bones.

"mmm.. yeah, I think so," you giggle, standing back flat on your feet before you begin to tug him towards the door.

"where are you taking me?" he speaks through soft laughs, quite happy with how things turned out, even if he got his ass handed to him.

"our spot."

he smiles at the mention, nodding as you drag him away; most likely to make out. regardless, you're both happy with how things turned out and are sure to move forward from here. you forgave him, so all that needs to happen is for him to forgive himself.

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tarotnoob · 2 years

Text

PAC: August 2022 predictions (or next 3 months from when you read this)

Choose a '90s early 2000 movie and scroll for your predictions for August (or next few months from when you read this).

Pile 1

My intention was to keep the format short but with any readings, if you want to read superficially you could. I don't really like to do that because I feel like there's always more to a situation than the first few cards you pull. Like when he clarify, it's like adding a whole other detail of importance to a sentence. Like I could be so I saw this dog. Okay well you get the idea but what if I said so I saw this dog today it was a young Labrador puppy with golden fur and it belonged to my neighbor but it escaped out the backyard because one of the kids left the door open.

So I mean you get the story that I saw a dog but if I told you all of the rest of the information you would have more of a story about context and the background. I saw a dog but it was a lost dog. You get the idea so I feel like tarot can be like that. I could be like hey eventually you're going to meet the love of your life. But what if I left out that before then you're going to have to date two other jerks that you should look out for and you're also going to lose your job and take a long vacation before you find this person and by the way you're going to find this person while on your vacation.

I guess it depends on what you want to know and how much you want to know. So I'll try to do a superficial take. I started this pile last night and then I was tired and then I kept feeling like it wasn't talking about the pile but was talking about a specific event that's coming up but I don't really want to go into that so I'm going to keep it as a general blog reading.

That's the other weird thing about Tarot is like you can ask a question and the cards won't listen and they will tell you something that is more important but you don't know that because it happens in the future so you have no way of knowing other than a feeling.

So what I will say in a superficial and general sense is that in August or the coming months from when you read this to keep it timeless, I see a lot of change. After a really tough time. It's a long time as in could be years of struggling about something and carrying a lot of weight and responsibility but being determined to get to where you need to go or to finish the task.

Because to clarify some really strong cards like the chariot which represents cancer energy and the wheel of Fortune which is Sagittarius or fixed sign energy and then the six of Wands, we have some difficult cards like nine of Wands, 10 of Wands, 10 of swords.

The other interesting thing is how many tens you received in the only six cards. 10 is cycle completion. So it is to me the end of a very long and tough cycle that could have been going on for years or even up to a decade or more. But you got through it and I was going to keep this the superficial portion lol. So I'll just say an end to a tough and stressful cycle and now you're feeling very determined, there is change on the horizon like not even far away. Sometimes you get these in your life okay change is coming but it'll be like another couple of years. This feels like literally it's already starting to happen and should process within the next few weeks or months.

There is strong indication of travel. Especially for long-term trips or long distance trips. Particularly if you are traveling to somewhere like Egypt or somewhere it kind of exotic for you or traveling across a continent. Because there's a lot of indication of a long period of time elapsing. I think that's not just the struggle of your path for the last several years but that now you're moving into a cycle that will be long lasting but full of blessings.

I just see really really significant change for you. The six of Wands is the card that kind of made me feel funny because to clarify I got a ten of swords. But that can just mean again that a tough cycle is ending and you're approaching a time of success. Sure, it could be literal success and public recognition of some kind for whatever you're going into, which could be career or schooling of some kind. But, I see this more as like an emotional or spiritual triumph that you pushed through something and then you were able to come out of the other end despite all of the difficulties.

I should also mention with the clarification at least that I did today and last night, the planetary influences could be anything in cancer, anything Venus is up to, especially in relation to Taurus. Leo energy came up and the new moon and Leo is about to happen and we just entered Leo season.

Yeah, I don't know what kind but whatever you pushed through to open up this change for you, there will be a lot more focus and clarity and abundance. I feel like there will be more new adventures, there is happiness, potentially love. It just feels like somebody who goes through something and what you get on the other side is a lot of wisdom and maturity.

I feel like you know where you are headed now. Because if you look at the chariot which is all about having things under control and determination and moving forward, it's almost like Jupiter or just this wheel of Fortune card is coming through and pointing with its compass to where you need to go, and then since the 6 of Wands follows it's clear it indicates that you are being propelled very quickly toward a path of success but it wasn't an easy path at all. It looks very tiring. If you're going from the nine of Wands to the 10 of Wands, it's kind of like okay there's s*** ahead but we push through it and then on the other side there's 10 of cups.

The Oracle cards indicate that there will be some things in your life that fall away. It could be by choice or maybe not choice or maybe you still have to let go of a couple of things but it appears that whatever those old things are are crumbling. I don't take this as seriously as a tower situation but towers create change. And certainly if you went through some type of tower whether it's recently or over the years, you got through it because nine and 10 of Wands and 10 of swords indicate tough but guess what it's over because it's a 10. It's a 10 but it sucks lol

But this doesn't take that you have ancestors who are watching over you and trying to help guide you. I think that if you want to believe this, you could that they are probably the ones who have helped open these doors for you and supported you along the way. I don't know if that helps to hear it but that seems to be a message.

So, besides having the wheel here it does give a sense of destiny that the difficult times that you went through served some type of purpose to either line you up with your path or to provide you some kind of spiritual wisdom or maturity that would help you be able to handle this level of change to your life when it does come. Like maybe 10 years ago if you hadn't been through some difficult stuff you wouldn't know how to manage stress or work through conflict, but now that you've experienced that, you would be able to handle a higher level of change to your life instead of it breaking you down with anxiety.

So, that's the general sense but like I said specifically this could be related to a long distance relocation or long distance trip or I guess it's general again but a very long path that you've been going through that's finally seeing the clearing. Like if you or just going through a forest and it felt like forever any thought you would never get to the other end and see light again, you would probably be like half a mile away maybe less than that.

It's also possible that if love is on the horizon, you could meet this person online or they or you have some type of following. I don't know if that really matters but I'll throw it out there since I see it. As a person, what I'm seeing and it doesn't have to be a love interest, this could just be you or the only part where I feel like maybe there could be another person or the cards around the six of wants.

Because the empress came out for clarification when I wanted to understand the ten of swords and king of swords that popped out but anyway. Somebody very intelligent, somebody very attractive, somebody very successful either at work or like I said they might have some type of online following. Or this might be who you become if you're working toward those kinds of things. And maybe it felt like you failed a few times in doing this, but I think things might change shortly. But also this could generally be the influence of Venus. I feel like Mercury Venus Mars are the energies coming up for this pile so those current planetary transits might be influencing you a lot right now or influencing everybody I should say. Since Taurus came up I think it's Uranus is in Taurus as well so that one's just hanging out there always influencing things.

Yeah, there's some type of new adventure on the way and it could lead to love or just greater emotional maturity and the 10 of cups definitely indicates a lot more moments of joy. I would just say to sum up for this pile it's like hard work pays off is the motto happening here.

So if you put in the work and do you struggle through the long haul, I would expect it to show some results very quickly here. Like really big results. Maybe even some type of fame.

Can I read anything any other way to help with specific instances? Well determination is the first part. Again, determination and carrying on a lot of responsibility by yourself which seems to be related to a destiny thing as well as pushing towards some type of change. I would even expect sometimes for this person that changes quite difficult or it feels like you always have to be the one to do everything to create opportunities in your life. Because I feel like this ten of Wands person is struggling by themselves to create change or make change but it could also represent somebody who is determined to fight against change at times.

Like it works both ways that there was probably a time where you struggled with change but I feel like that phase is over which is why the crumbling is here. You're about to get rid of that responsibility or that weight that makes you anxious. Because now it's like that anxiety has turned into determination instead of fear. Or you could just be at the end of that type of phase and working through that. It's okay to still have fear and anxiety about anything but it doesn't look like it's as crushing or crippling as before.

I think the crumbling card is interesting when I talked about the opening in the forest because you see the door is slightly opening and it's like get ready to start your horses. So there's the opening, beyond as this beautiful field, if you go through the gate, I think there's something really great there. It feels like the message is also when you are determined and you are strong, the universe will end up seeing your efforts eventually and will reward you. Also technically in theory abundances always there for you but maybe you have to access it by changing the frequency of your brain to something higher before it comes to you.

I suppose since numbers seem significant here we should talk about those real quick and then end it. So like I said there are three tens. Tens indicate a cycle ending or cycles in general. You also have a nine a three a seven and six. I think back of the deck was a six.

So, I would read this as some cycles that involve finding and creating harmony in several aspects of life, there were also lessons involved for you that were probably karmic and that there seems to be abundant says the reward since a three showed up.

To me, it feels like a path about a lot of inner work and working through conflicts and challenges to determine I guess how strong you are or to make you strong and this feels a strong part of your destiny and path. I don't know what it means when people have different paths but sometimes it's very clear that there are different paths people might be assigned to before their incarnation. Some of those paths might be external as in a person could be born to create some kind of mass change for the collective.

Although I think you can do both you can have a collective responsibility and then you have your soul work I guess. In this instance, it could be something like you could become somebody famous and influence others but the more important level seems to be the interchange that's created by going through struggles and how and going through that, you do get to a place where you will probably get everything that you wanted because you deserve it.

But why souls have those constant phases where it's like building up your strengths and integrity. Like what does that actually do for a soul end game. If we all started with one source as one source and then split off to have these human or being experiences, like what does that do in the end? Like what is the point? But certainly it does read like souls go around collecting traits from experiences just like in video games lol.

Like you level up as you struggle and then as you persevere through that struggle. It seems kind of monotonous to me lol but I didn't start it or technically I guess I did if I'm part of it but I think it's fascinating to think about one source and then that one source splitting off into kajillions of little bits of energy that can absorb experiences and eventually bring it back to source but then each of those beings could have completely different opinions or experiences or observations. But it's like I am you you are me lol. Isn't that what they say in Alice in wonderland? I am you and you were me and we are all together. It's also a serendipity thing lol

Anyway, I know it's not simple but this isn't really a simple read other than to say that it feels like August or the next few months of when you read this you'll see drastic changes in what comes next. But I also feel like you're aware of these changes at the point of reading this that they've already kind of started but it would be like right before it takes into effect. Like if you just found out you got a job and then you haven't quite started it but you are about to or you just started it a week ago.

Just because I have to read everything, there is something a little bit worrying about the six of Wands but I feel like this would be more of a world event. It just bothers me because I could also read it as something potentially happening to a celebrity but that's because when I see six of Wands and a ten of swords clarifying it you would be like okay well this could be somebody famous and then guess what they get stabbed in the back about 10 times. Like hey Julius Caesar moment.

But not really related to your reading It's just something that keeps bothering me. But then when I further clarified, I got empress and the back of the deck head good cards so I think it's more like a repeat of 10 of Wands and wheel of Fortune as in difficult times but guess what success and good fortune is next. Even 9 of Wands clarifying a chariot is like that. You go from being on the defense and determination to rolling right through to success.

I would also note that even though eventually good things will come about from these changes, the initial start of it could be a bit bumpy. But that tends to happen as we transition to new cycles.

10 could be significant in terms of dates as in October or the 10th of August or some month. Especially since I'm getting 10:10 a lot and I saw 1010 as an expiration date on my Jungkook vanilla latte bottle today and I remember thinking oh that would have been funny if it was 10:13 since I tend to see that number a lot. And then I was like oh 1010 that's Naruto's birthday lol. My point being that it's interesting I saw all that before I sat down to analyze the cards so 1010 could be significant for you.

Or 10-6 or August 10th or 6th etc. Or if you aren't reading this around August then the 10th of a month in the next few months. 10 just seem so strong here doesn't it so let's watch out for August 10th and October 10th in the collective. Because besides this rating, there could be something significant that happens on those dates that comes as a bit of a shock to people.

---

Pile 2

It's funny how pile one so clearly got the tens and this pile clearly got the fours.

August 4th or the 4th of the month could be significant for you. Or fourth house. 4th month. Whatever depending on when you're reading this.

So, I hate to say it because nobody likes that okay I'm stuck and I need to not be stuck and go with the flow lol but you have a reverse hanged man and a four of pentacles. This could be a stuck in the comfort zone thing because four is generally could be about stability or something that would represent the fourth house which is cancer, so having to do with the home and you know where we feel comfortable or family etc

There does seem to be a reluctance to take risks and start something new because what's clarifying this for of pentacles is the fool and the magician, both obviously mean a new start, manifesting new opportunities, taking risks and doing so. But there seems to be something that you're holding on to. It could be that this new venture might take money for you to do and that's an issue and you don't want to spend, it could be other things that you're holding on to that aren't material, but you know on the other side what it could indicate is if you were to take some risk and try to manifest this thing, you could make money from it. Or save up I guess I could say. But that's only if you open up to the opportunity first.

And speaking of I have a couple of cards that indicate that. The four of Wands is clarified by a page of cups, so there is an opportunity or invitation for something that would bring you joy, which could be romance or it could be other things that just bring you emotional fulfillment. If that's some type of social situation, it could definitely be an invitation to a wedding or other celebration that's coming up for you.

It could be that you are somebody who is saving up for a wedding soon or in the present. Or party.

But another opportunity that's coming out with this page of pentacles is clarified by a three of pentacles, so this could be an opportunity to work together with other people. It could be a job or a project, but you're definitely being offered something that would allow you to create and build with another person. This could be a relationship again like a romantic one or even a friendship or it could be a new job opportunity that's about to come in.

However, the hangman reversed is clarified by a knight of swords reversed. This could indicate two things, it could be a stuck momentum from an external situation that has you stuck or it could be a sense of thinking or perspective that's keeping you from going forward. It could also be a reluctance to make some type of decision. But to me, it's looking more like a devil situation where there's something spiritually or intellectually going on where you are holding yourself back from new things. It could be the usual fear of change, could be being lazy, it could be not wanting to leave your comfort zone.

It almost feels like maybe somebody invites you to something or offers you something where you would definitely be working along or interacting with other people to do something, but it's like you have doubts maybe. There's some reluctance. Maybe because it's new. Maybe you need more information. Maybe you need to process what's being offered. But, it seems like you brought it to yourself. It looks like you manifested this thing but now that you have it or have the opportunity it's like okay well it's here now but do I really want it lol

So, I would say the cards say process the information think about it because that's what the hanged man is doing but the hangman if he was upright would be going with the flow and not overanalyzing so much but in this pile, there's overanalyzing being done. That's fair. If it's a new situation, you're going to be relying on other people, it's pretty human to think about it a little bit.

But the invitation seems to be nice. It's from the four of Wands, so it feels like a party or a social invitation or an opportunity to be happy so I don't really know what the reluctance is besides what the four of pentacles might say for you which could be a money issue or holding on to something else that's not material.

It could be holding on to a certain outcome or like waiting for a better offer. But, I mean it doesn't really say yes or no if this would bring you happiness. I mean for wands you could look at and be like well yeah.

But every opportunity is simply what you make of it. The universe gives them out, if you take them cool if you don't well you don't and you'll never know.

But I don't see any red flags here for it. The only red flag here is about the way you're thinking about it or talking to yourself or crippled by some type of decision that you would need to make to accept the offer.

Sometimes when I see a knight of swords reversed besides it being about a stall of some kind, it can be a negative way of thinking or talking. Almost being kind of bitter or hard on yourself and since it's around a reversed hanged man it also gives up feeling of being anti-spiritual I guess. Like getting away from that path and going into a place that's not really beneficial for you.

But once you clear that out, I don't foresee anything negative here besides any minor whatever that might come from anything new that you start. But I will say the other advice could be in this star mother card that says how can you mother yourself. And my guess is maybe you're being hard on yourself or negative in some way in the way you're thinking. Maybe you think you aren't good enough for this opportunity or you can't do it or whatever doubts you may have, this could be a sign to go easier on yourself.

Or it could be advice to be more social or accept more offers as they come when people want to hang out with you instead of questioning why they want to hang out with you, go ahead and do it. Or do whatever you need to do right now to take care of yourself if you need permission for that to focus on you and work out what's going on inside your mind right now. Because you seem maybe a bit confused and there's not as much clarity so maybe focusing on you will help work through that.

And not to say that relationships couldn't be involved at some point here or in addition to work, but it does look like it could be career-oriented since I do think the new opportunity will present something financial so that you can start saving. As if you're going to manifest money. It could even be done in a strange way or new way. It could be through stocks or some type of more risky ventures even. But at the same time, it looks like somebody could be blocking that. Like they are afraid to bring this new thing in and take a risk and try it out but like I said that seems to be the result of the reversed cards.

So, I see opportunities and invitations but I don't know if you'll immediately take them or there's a possibility that you are expecting them and they might be delayed. But they will be situations like social invitations and opportunities to collaborate or work with others. You might have to save up for these things or you might have to let go of something in order to make something happen, you might also have to take risks in order to do that as well.

And pay attention to what you're thinking and what you're projecting with your energy because it's bordering a bit on going negative. And the solution there must be the star mother card which is saying to nurture and take care of yourself.

And in terms of energy, I would say Pisces is here but it's kind of blocked and then Uranus and mercury or Gemini and Virgo.

Numbers or dates that could be significant could be April or the 4th of some month. Especially April 4th if that's a birthday or anniversary. I would also pay attention to Gemini and Virgo seasons depending on when you read this or those transits. Plus like I said Pisces.

I wouldn't be surprised if somebody reads this more toward winter because I feel like there's a lot of energy around early part of next year especially around Pisces to Taurus season. So if you read it around then, definitely pay attention. But there is still that Virgo energy hanging about here so timing wise for people who read this now, I would expect these offers an opportunities to come around then or maybe even I don't know when or ever that Uranus might go into Virgo or Gemini but that could be a prediction for much later into the future since I think that's far off.

Or I guess if you happen to have Uranus in those in your chart. I don't know the timing for those so sorry.

But I could just say maybe Mercury and Uranus are going to have a bit of influence on you at this time or Neptune as well since I think Neptune has been in Pisces for a while although it goes retrograde so oh I guess I should say that since it goes retrograde soon or already did, when a card comes out reversed and it's obviously related to a planet. And everybody knows hanged man is Neptune right. It's upside down so I would also pay attention to what a Neptune in retrograde might mean for your chart or energy.

Maybe this retrograde will delay some type of information or is a signed to stall on some type of decisions until the retrograde is over. I don't really put much stock into that but if you do, it's there. It could also just be a way for the cards to indicate timing saying that these opportunities and whatever are going to happen during the timing of this transit. Which is going on now, I don't know when the Neptune retrograde switches again so you can look that up for timing.

And one last look, it is interesting how the pentacle the four of pentacles is holding and then the light around the head and the hanged man and then the pentacle that the page is holding feel connected. From that perspective, it's like the four of pentacles is holding on to something in terms of a dream or goal. Like clinging to it and not wanting to let go and this could be related to a certain outcome expectation.

But it would make sense because when you have the magician and the full hanging about it's like manifesting a new adventure and holding on to this or whatever and trying to create something new. And it even looks like let's say this person is working the pentacle and creating it with their mind and spirituality or energy since the hangman now has that energy around there head. And then from that, it's like the magician is working to bring it into the material because now the page of pentacles has this thing that you held on to and wanted to form and bring into existence.

But it seems like it's related to something you want to bring into existence that would require other people to help you. Maybe that's what is stalling the manifestation. You have to wait until the right people come in to help you. Whoever these people are in three of pentacles. It could also be that you have a bigger project so you might need money to do it and then when you have the money you can hire these other people to build it if it's like a really big dream.

Like if you want to build a house or become somebody famous or write a book. You would still need money for some of that and then you could hire or invite the right people. That's just an example, it could also be in a spiritual way as in you want to build something and have this certain lifestyle but your soul tribe hasn't come in yet. Well I would say it looks like they're delayed in coming. But there's a reason for it because this hanged man situation shows that some type of perspective needs to change before the opportunity can come in to have these people involved. It could also just be a universal delay due to divine timing.

Because something spiritually and mentally has to be aligned and worked out. I mean beyond this just being about a Neptune retrograde energy whatever, it should still also be about something needing to line up spiritually and mentally. As if like someone's trying to figure out or analyze if this thing is in alignment or meant to be. That's what's interesting about getting a spiritual and a sword card because it's like the human side and the spirit side are both either colliding or like working together in a process that has to happen before this page of pentacles can come in.

And I also think the page can be about learning something new as well so it's like something has to align for the collaboration to happen but also to be able to learn some type of lesson. It could be a lesson about working together or being more open to being with other people as well. Maybe you usually like to work alone or something or can be quite stubborn and you need to figure out that it's not a good thing for you. Like maybe ask other people for help or go ahead and work with other people. So those are all the potential things I see for this pile.

---

Pile 3

Interesting. I saw several of these cards as I was shuffling and then I came out. And also the way they came out with strange and kind of confused so I'm not surprised to see reversed things indicating a lack of clarity or what to do about something.

I would also not be surprised if you were drawn a bit to pile 2.

So, like I said with pile two, there could be upcoming retrogrades that might cause a situation to stall or this is in general about something being delayed.

Before clarifications, the cards definitely indicate maybe some confidence about a love relationship being an issue or even heartbreak that leads you to feeling insecure about a relationship with somebody. They can also be, not feeling confident in who you are in general. It could be the result of other people. Because this five of Wands could be other people that are negative in your sphere, bringing down how you feel about yourself. It could also be that it's an internal conflict but I can't imagine a random internal conflict making somebody feel insecure, it would probably be brought about by some type of conflict.

I can definitely be a situation where you were disappointed. But it could also be lacking the confidence to move forward or make a decision about something that is true to who you are or would have to do with relationships since the lovers is hanging out here.

What's sitting on your three of swords is a seven of pentacles which is all about waiting in patients and then the queen of swords reversed, which can indicate a lack of clarity or harsh words or thoughts or a lack of decision over a long period of time and then constantly being disappointed or being heartbroken about it.

Specifically for some if this is a relationship whether it's romantic or friendship or whatever it is, you are this person could be a fire sign and maybe it's like your butting heads over something. Or it could be that there's a lot of emotion involved and not a lot of rationale. Because I see a lot of strong energy with the queen of Wands and then we know that there's some type of conflict or competition going on and then we have like impatience.

So either something has taken too long and it's weighing on your confidence or you're getting impatient and picking fights or someone is picking fights with you.

To me it reads a lot like impatience is the issue here. Somebody not willing to wait the time to create this garden or whatever. But if it were a relationship I would say that it could also be something where not thinking clearly and letting emotions take over but the answer seems to be patients.

Three of swords can also indicate a time of not speaking with somebody. It could be not communicating with someone for a long time over a conflict. A situation where things got pretty heated. Especially if one particular person was very bossy.

Because it's almost like maybe the queen of swords and the queen of Wands went head-to-head and maybe things were said that shouldn't have been said. But that's a specific situation.

On the other side for the lovers a lot of cards came out. Lovers is Gemini energy by the way and then we also have fire energy coming out. So maybe a Gemini is involved and that's who the queen of swords is. Or a Gemini with fireplacements or fire person with Gemini placements.

With the lovers, we have Ace of cups and then Ace of Wands reversed, a seven of cups and eight of pentacles. Again it's giving off the vibes from the previous pile but there is an offer right. It could be an offer from this person to reconcile. It could be a new offer that has to do with anything. It does seem to be indicating relationships because of the lovers and cups but it could also be some type of offer that could provide emotional harmony and different aspects of your life. There is an indication also of work here with the eight of cups.

The last pile had something similar because it had three of pentacles. So again it's like there's doubt or an unwillingness to move forward around an opportunity that would involve building something with another person or persons. But it's like you don't know what to do, or you don't feel inspired or there's still this lack of communication I guess or harmony between the other person. I think it could also be a situation where somebody is trying to put out this offer of help or affection or whatever but maybe you are too busy or you would prefer to do it alone.

Or there's just too much going on because the seven of cups can be wow I just have a lot of things on my plate and 8 of pentacles there could be like I'm just too busy with work right now for a relationship or it could be a four of cups situation where you're so busy and you have this opportunity in the cup is right here but you just don't see it.

I would guess like the previous pilot has to do with a mindset that's happening here. There's something else you are focused on mentally that's preventing you from opening up to certain opportunities with people. Now if it's a reconciliation that's up to you especially if you had a previous conflict but that could be something that comes through. During retrogrades especially mercury they say that people come back around this time. I've had a couple of people who I haven't spoken to in years or a long time suddenly come back lately and apologize or suddenly sent me money on Kofi after years of not talking.

So I think sometimes the energy aligns for certain things and people start reflecting and they want to contact you again. So it's up to you whether you want to reply or not. I mean you never have to do anything you don't want to do.

But like I said there seem to be things on your mind and they don't feel very positive. It's kind of like things are happening but I don't know what's holding you back. It will be different for every person. Another way of looking at it like I said with the previous pile is that there is something that you are destined for and it doesn't have to be meeting this person. It's just that the lover sometimes can be about bringing two people together especially soulmates, but it's also more a card about intellectual or spiritual harmony within oneself. And if those things aren't aligned obviously all these other things will be thrown off in reversed in these cards.

Because there is a lot of conflict and doubt and uncertainty here. Even like a lack of inspiration or spark to get something going I guess. And so that can apply to a relationship or any situation like a job or school. But there is some delay here. And it could be that there is waiting on some type of communication.

Maybe there's a universal glitch right now where there are plans that were being worked out for a lot of people in the collective and maybe something big happened that wasn't really expected in the plan even though everything in the plan is always expected but some things for some people might be pushed back for a reason. So if something doesn't happen when you want it as you want it, don't feel like it's not coming. Because the last two piles have shown that there might be a delay here. Or you might have to wait a bit longer. Pile one wasn't like that at all but the second pile was.

It could also be trying to divine the plot of save the last dance though too lol

It wouldn't surprise me given that you got the dance with life Oracle lol. I will tell you with Tarot sometimes it's so literal that you want to do a reading about something and you use these placeholders as inspiration for people to pick the card file but then what happens is the cards will also read the plot or the emotions behind the thing that you're looking at. Because I look at the posters to make sure that I'm connecting the right energy.

On the other hand though what happens is more than likely somebody intuitively connects with a poster because of the feelings that movie gives them so it would make sense that a person connects with the movie for those reasons if they know that movie and then within that reading, those same feelings from the movie and then the person end up being in the reading lol. Because in that movie you know there's this very confident creative ballerina girl who has conflict with her father and then conflict with other people as she moves into the new school and her mother passed away a long time ago so there's this long-standing heartbreak and she's kind of very emotional rather than logical in a lot of her interactions. And then she meets this guy but there's some conflict there blah blah blah. I know this movie is cliche now but it was pretty cool when it came out.

Anyway point being that probably a similar situation as being played out where there's some external conflict happening that's also affecting some in our stuff for you in terms of confidence and patience. There may be a stall to your plans or there may just be an offer of any kind in which you are kind of conflicted on what to do. Or how much you want to invest long-term. It could be like an offer but you're just not that excited about it or you need more information or clarity. Or you might not even see it because you're busy with other things.

I think it's a mixture of job and relationships but it will depend on the person. Anyway so the oracles dance with life says do something to change your energy so again we know that there's something a bit off about your energy and how you're processing a situation or your perspective right now spiritually.

The other Oracle says your guidance is divinely guided. Well that certainly fits the image on the lovers card so there is something coming your way that seems to be divinely planned out for you. But I would guess that there's a bit of a delay or stall or even issues if you want it or are excited about it or maybe it's just doubts.

I would also suggest maybe doing something active to take your mind off of it. Like go outside and have a walk or go do things with friends that gets you active. Because it's like you're so focused on this one thing that maybe if you go do something to take your mind off of it that would help provide clarity or just give you some relief.

So I don't see a specific situation here except as I said it could be relationship but it could be a general offer that has to do with anything like a job or it doesn't matter but there seems to be a lot of confusion and delays and maybe some miscommunications involved here. But the oracles make me think that you need to do something different here to change the way you go about it or the way your perceiving it or also maybe spending too much time dwelling on it has led you into a bit of a spiritual sinkhole.

As a prediction, if you are starting a new job soon or at a job in general, there is the potential that you will meet this person through work or school. I'm leaning more toward work but it's just this last part with this random eight of pentacles, it makes me feel like it hasn't happened yet but you could meet somebody because it's divinely guided. There will be some type of offer but I think it wouldn't happen immediately. Like it's there maybe it will start as friendship. But it doesn't look like there's a spark at first. But the fact that the wand is reversed here could just mean that in terms of timing, you haven't met this person yet. Because when you do meet them, the wand might flip.

And the seven of cups can just indicate there's elements of the unknown. Like the plan is still sort of being worked out. And then the aid of pentacles could indicate it happens at work or when you're studying so at a school. But it's like it just hasn't lined up yet lol. They haven't worked it out quite right on the other side and there have been some delays for a long time.

But part of it I think had to do with you. Not to say you're being punished but as in there were delays on your part where you had to work through some conflict whether internal or external before you could get to this point. But you're still not even there. This would definitely not be a person you've met. So maybe scrap the reconciliation thing although that's something I'll just say to bring up because it does give rebuilding vibes. Like I don't know if I want to rebuild with this person who contacted me but yeah.

However for others I would say the Ace of Wands being flipped indicates you haven't met the person yet. And then seven of cups is almost like there's a fog around it which I read as timing hasn't been figured out but the lovers shows that it will happen lol like there's an angel above bringing these two people together. And it can be a friend or a special mental where I guess but yeah.

On a spiritual level it looks like it's like sorry about this but we had some delays so yeah. Kind of like when a pilot comes on and it's like yeah we can't take off for another hour because whatever. That's kind of like what it's saying like lol sorry about that bro

And then the dance with life is kind of like hey how about you just distract yourself with the movie or something until we get this plane off the ground. Like it's basically saying chill out we're working on it technical difficulties.

Meanwhile put your energy into things that are productive. But it will come eventually.

Gates-wise what can I say with the numbers we have a couple of ones, 2 7s, and eight, six a five, a 9 at the back. Yeah so there's like you're somewhere in the middle and then there's an end point and it's like there are gaps between. Although I mean you do have a five six seven eight nine

So it feels more like in the middle to end which is not very helpful and then there are ones here. But like I said it feels like the ones are far away. You know when you get a 10 and a one so you know a cycle has ended This feels more like there's a way to go until the cycle ends for this pile but way ahead there are new things but like I said this feels like a relationship of some type in the further future after some delays

But there is an eight so in terms of dates August 5th through the 9th could be significant or those dates depending on whatever month you read it. Or Gemini season or a Gemini Transit.

I don't know why but I get the feeling that current retrograde transits which at least are Neptune and I don't know what else is in retrograde are creating some type of electromagnetic fog of some sort. I don't know what that means astrologically speaking that's just the sense I get from the last two piles. And it does give retrograde vibes of things being sort of cloudy and needing to reflect on things. And delays.

And I think I said this for the previous pile as well that this could be a serious fallout or verbal conflict with a friend or someone else as well. Like if you are in a relationship you might have an argument with your partner and then there is some offer to reconcile or the potential to but you don't really know how you feel about it or if you want to work on this or if you want to let it go I guess especially if you've already invested a lot of time into it. And I can go for a non-relationship situation. If it's a job and there's a lot of conflict and then maybe they offer you a measly raise to get you to stay but you're like I don't know.

But something has to change because your energy seems a bit low vibrational during this time and I would suggest going with your intuition if something doesn't feel right. Like things that fall away are going to fall away for reasons so you don't need to chase them if the universe is trying to get you out of them. That will be my final advice for you.

Also sorry for typos It's way easier for me to interpret if I do voice to text but voice to text gets every other word wrong.

---

Pile 4

Interesting. I was just thinking okay well pile 3 and pile two were similar and I made sense both of those movies had Julia stiles some maybe somebody would be drawn to both of those based on that or those movies being somewhat similar. This movie is different than that. Although I guess I chose movies that were romantic drama comedies kind of that have the same type of plot so maybe the cards pulled from that energy.

Because those movies are all about love and will they or won't they get together and some heartbreaks along the way before they do get together. And the cards keep kind of portraying that energy lol but maybe there's a reason I picked those as my theme. I just watched drive me crazy because I was feeling nostalgic and it was one of my favorite movies back in the day because it's the same plot as a lot of movies but I felt like the characters were a bit more realistic because Melissa Joan Hart isn't like you know a model but she was pretty don't get me wrong I'm just saying that I thought the characters weren't so awful. Kind of like in she's all that. I don't really like that movie.

Anyway, I say that because everybody's getting three of swords lol but keep in mind that I also read three of swords as retrograde or miscommunications or going out of contact with somebody. It doesn't necessarily have to mean a specific heartbreak or disappointment but certainly it can.

Especially because we have the empress here and she represents Venus, the hermit well that certainly could read us having to go into isolation or potentially a difficult thing that happens with a friend or partner and so you have to do some deep thinking about something. But that's kind of what we do during retrograde so that three of swords could indicate okay this is retrograde and this is a time where we're going to think about things related to Venus, which could be self-love or romantic love or abundance or even our physique. Like our physical aesthetic. Which could be related to self-love as well.

So there can be all kinds of things where it's not a specific event but the energy of the universe and the transits and everything is affecting all of a similarly right now. So I would look at things that are in Virgo or what Venus is up to. What retrogrades are happening. When I see the three of swords I think of Mercury as well. And Mercury retrograde but it any retrograde

There does seem to be a pause where a decision needs to be made or some type of crossroad. I was picking up this theme for the last three piles. I thought pile one was a bit more advanced beyond that. But there was the tiniest hint of things falling away.

Like I also said with the other piles there could be a delay of some sorts with that retrograde energy especially when it comes to travel because I see the page of Wands.

And on top of that there's a good sense of timing here for this being Virgo to Libra season. There seems to be maybe travel or the start of something new during this time but you may experience some type of delay or a tough decision that you have to make about something. It could just be that you have to make a tough decision to do something new. Like if you're going to switch jobs or if you're going to move somewhere, it could be a tough decision where you have to give up something in order to gain something. And it looks like you'll have to do a bit of thinking about that.

So with that two of swords and hermit here it's like okay I have to sit and I need to think about what I want to do and then I need to make a decision where maybe both decisions or opportunities are a bit difficult to choose or no matter what you kind of lose something here or you'll be sad about something. Or it could even be that you require a bit more information from somewhere before you can make the decision to do something.

But it does seem too involve a new opportunity with this Ace of pentacles. Every single pile had this show of new opportunities coming through but then they're being a stall or doubts

You have these leap card which reminds me of the fool and then I think it pairs well with the page of Wands because this is somebody who takes risks and just goes with it. But I think you're not probably going with it. There was another pile that had the hanged man in reverse and this is that similar energy in that and maybe something mentally or just externally has caused a delay here for taking this new thing. It could be a fear but I also would totally believe that something gets in the way. You know if you have travel plans and then the plane gets delayed or the flight gets canceled.

But I want you to know that I feel like with every pile that this has come up, that there is a reason that this delay happens. So even if something doesn't go as planned, it's going to happen for a reason. For example, my mom has been trying to get this surgery scheduled for the last 6 months. She had to go to a second doctor because the first one randomly canceled and they started to set up the surgery but then yesterday she got a call from the insurance that this doctor is no longer in the network even though he was when she started the search and they made the plans for this. Which made me really pissed off I'll tell you. Because otherwise she would have to pay $8,000 out of pocket for the surgery lol Even though when she started talking to these doctors in this hospital, it was in network

But that's the American health system for you It's a piece of s*** just like our government. That aside, my point is that can be the kind of delay. And she said last night when I was getting frustrated with the system and I was like who do you need me to call and yell at because I can't believe that you went through all of this for that time and this person was in the system and then randomly they're not in your network and you have to suffer a penalty for it and do this all over again.

But she was like well maybe it happened for a reason and I should go to this doctor. But then she said she really liked the doctor that she was supposed to do the surgery with lol. So on the one hand maybe that would have gone wrong and this one will go better but then what about the other side of it where because of this insurance company the surgery goes funky and something happens to my mom because of this change then essentially this insurance company is responsible for whatever happens there but yes there are things we don't know.

Anything could have gone wrong if she would have stayed on that path and now maybe going to this one will be something different. Or that's what we want to think it's also possible that the world is just s***** and likes to inconvenience everybody and nobody actually cares about anybody.

But that way of thinking would certainly be a hanged man reversed situation if you kept that perspective. If you keep my mom's perspective, you would probably be an upright hanged man

Anyway so all these cards fell out at the same time which is a bit strange. The other piles didn't do that. I guess that could indicate that something might come as a shock or come out of nowhere or happen all at once. And this could be that three of swords two of sword situation where something get started but yeah there's a delay or hiccup

Like me moving out to Nevada and then at the last minute my Airbnb person will call and be like Yeah I'm going to have to cancel lol which happened the last time I used Airbnb

But so let's talk about how we start with hermit which could be Virgo right so in Virgo season you could travel, you could start off some type of journey or adventure something new is happening here.

But potentially by the time Libra rolls around, there could be some type of crossroads here or some decision you have to make and It feels like a hard or heartbreaking decision. But since the ace of pentacles follows, I can't tell if the tough decision will lead to an opportunity or what is offered is the thing that causes some disappointment or heartbreak here. It could also be like I suggested for the others that if you go radio silent with somebody after a conflict that there might be a period of time where you lose contact and aren't communicating but then later on there is an offer of some kind.

So it's very strange because the last three piles are definitely very similar in that there is something new starting, there are opportunities and chances for abundance but then it's like you have to make a tough decision to get there or it's like you do get something but at a cost.

And it's like there's risk involved so you really have to do some deep thinking about what to do or if it's right. And what it looks like all together really is a tough decision. But it can be anything like you get a job opportunity but you have to move away or you lose a friend but then you end up making another. Things like that.

And at the very least, I just see a delay in something maybe because you have to think about it. That seems to be the very least bit of drama I can think of.

It could be that you experienced some type of conflict with someone and are disappointed in them because Libra is also the house of relationships right. So a disappointment with a new relationship or something and you really have to reflect about what you want to do here or what you want to say or a decision you have to make.

That's kind of strange to think about if the thing is new because why would there be so much investment and disappointment with something that is new. So it's more like probably before the opportunity even comes there are a lot of things you have to think about. Including how this decision will affect relationships in your life. It could be a situation where you want to be fair to everybody but I don't think you can. I think it's going to be a situation where somebody's going to be unhappy

But that aside you know if you're looking for advice this is where I picked Oracle cards here and it does say you go first the universe will catch you. So I would guess that a lot of people's doubts seem to be about decisions that would require some risk on your part like the fear of the unknown but the advice is to go for it. If you leap the universe will catch you no matter what you do even if there's some fear here.

I see you reflecting on it and trying to figure out which way is right and they're being some type of emotional thing that's holding you back or causing you pain but the page of Wands is here this leap card is here, I would say do whatever is best for you Don't worry about hurting other people's feelings.

The empress would do her own thing, she does what's right for her. You know all about self-love and taking care of yourself so I would put yourself first in whatever situation that may come up where you have to do a bit of thinking and tough decision making. Because like I said if you lose something, that's the universe's way of cleaning out your social closet or whatever. And when you do let go of somethings, other things will come in because you made room for them. And that could be what that Ace of pentacles is at the end after some decisions and heartbreaks but after you're done thinking about it I would say at the end the universe says go for it. It's scary to take a leap but it seems like the payoff will be worth it in the end.

Also for validation, you might have Venus in Virgo or Virgo or Venus sitting in your 7th house. Or if it's a relationship situation, one of you could be Libra or Taurus and the other Virgo. But I think it will come down to the planetary transits more than anything but those are there. But for me overall there's a lot of Virgo and Libra or Taurus energy here with a hint of retrograde.

#tarot #pick a card #predictions #august 2022 #tarot reading #tarot reader #pick a pile #pac

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soleminisanction · 1 year

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How did Steph become Robin and how did she become fired? I know it was her starting a gang war but how exactly?

I had this whole thing typed up last night with citations and everything and then the post editor glitched and I lost the whole thing. :/ So, take 2:

Around Robin issues #124-125, Tim's father Jack discovered that he was Robin and went to Wayne Manor with a gun to threaten Bruce over the whole thing. To keep the peace, Tim volunteered to step down as Robin and promised his dad that he'd give that life up forever.

Shortly thereafter (Issue 126), Steph was stalking Tim at his school because if she doesn't see him every day she immediately assumes that he's cheating on her. She arrived at just the wrong moment to witness his classmate Darla plant a kiss on him, took that as proof that he was cheating, and ran away without bothering to wait the ten seconds it would've taken to see Tim push Darla away and tell her, again, that he has a girlfriend, sending her off in tears.

Steph went straight home, made herself a Robin costume, then went to the Bat-cave and told Bruce she would be the new Robin now. And Bruce agreed to let her try.

It's never actually defined what Stephanie's motivation for this is, BTW. We're left to pick it up from context clues -- like the fact that she was perfectly happy being Spoiler and had zero thoughts or plans in this direction until she saw Tim "cheating," and the fact that she then immediately ghosted Tim for what's implied to be weeks, potentially months, with no explanation.

It is, however, implied that Bruce might be going along with it all as a -- quoting Alfred -- "scheme to lure Tim back." Which, yeah, is not great.

So Bruce sets Steph up with a non-homemade Robin costume and a stupid new haircut (it only looks passable when Damion Scott draws it, everyone else needs to stop trying) and gives her this ultimatum.

Remember this for a later post, this one got too long. This arrangement of theirs lasts for a grand total of two full issues.

Seriously. Steph is hired as Robin at the end of issue #126, and she's fired at the end of #128. She appears in, I think, one or two issues of Cass's Batgirl, maybe the same months' corresponding Detective Comics and Batman issues (I don't really care to look them up to double-check), and a single B-plot appearance in an issue of the contemporary Teen Titans mostly dedicated to Superboy calling her a backstabbing wannabe poser and telling her she'll never be welcome at the Tower because she's not the real Robin.

That is the only time those two have ever spoken, BTW. Which is why a lot of people have been annoyed that they're suddenly being written as buddy-buds in the recent continuity for no reason.

Anyway, the point is, Steph's Robin career lasted a grand total of 3 months out-of-universe and forty-nine days in-universe, which we know because she started calling her diary-based narration her "War Journal" and counting the days there. This was recently re-confirmed in 2021's Robins miniseries.

Which brings us to how it ended, which is where I need to correct you slightly, anon. The gang war wasn't the cause of Steph's firing, it was the result.

The cause was an encounter with a powered-armor-wearing assassin called Scarab, who'd been hired by an old enemy of Tim's to kill black-haired, blue-eyed boys in Gotham in the hopes that she would eventually kill Robin. Encountering Steph with Bruce convinced Scarab that she must've killed her target ("resulting in the need for a replacement") and she was preparing to leave Gotham when Bruce & Steph tracked her down.

Bruce suited up in some power armor of his own and went down to fight Scarab, giving Steph strict orders to stay in the Bat-plane and not touch anything. Over the course of the resulting fight -- in which Bruce does seem to struggle a bit but never loses his cool and never seems to be in more danger than he would be in other fights -- he repeats these orders to Stephanie no less than five times.

Stephanie does not listen.

Stephanie rushes into the building, continues to disobey orders once she's there, and immediately gets herself taken hostage. Her life is threatened by the bad guy and Bruce lets Scarab go to save her.

That incident is what gets Stephanie fired.

Interestingly, despite what Bruce said about this being "the precise moment [Stephanie's] out," he actually waits until his injuries from the fight have recovered to drop the bomb, and it's implied that he stretches that out longer than he usually would -- out to a full three weeks -- to give her time to stew. Which I find very interesting, I'll talk about it more in the later post.

The gang war comes in because he gives her some privacy in the Batcave to collect her personal belongings before she goes, including her personal files off the Bat-computer. While doing this, she decides it's a great idea to steal one of Bruce's, quote, "contingency plans" to "wipe out all crime in Gotham... if worst came to worst." This particular plan involved bringing all of the Gotham crime families under Batman's control, and Steph figured that if she could "set that in motion, show she could help him" then he might "take her back."

Unfortunately, one of the "Big Secrets" that she wasn't privy to as a result of being on probation was the fact that Matches Malone, the guy on whom the entire plan hinged, was actually one of Batman's secret identities, so when he didn't show up to the meeting she arranged... boom. A bunch of mafia heads ended up dead, and that led to retaliation from their subordinates. Cue War Games.

#stephanie brown #bruce wayne #robin #batman #meta #dc comics meta #dc comics asks #kinda critical I guess?#mostly because I'm not going to pretend that Steph isn't responsible for getting herself fired #or causing the gang war #it's not like bruce doesn't share in the blame #he loaded the gun sure but steph's the one who pulled the trigger #after she broke into the gun vault to steal it from him #and she's not some innocent widdle kid who couldn't know any better she's 17 #18 if people kept better track of her age relative to tim

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chaoschaos1 · 1 year

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hey uh. more echo lore please

*pulls up fifty slide powerpoint presentation* well I'm glad you asked!

So, potential TW cause Echo's backstory is pretty dark.

(For context, Echo is the child with bandages in this post.)

Their story starts in a small town. It's the average, run of the mill kind of village you'd see in the countryside. The townspeople themselves are quite poor, and most families are struggling. By this point, they're four years old and have a different name, that as of right now I haven't decided on, partially because it's irrelavent to the lore anyway.

A group of scientists visit the town in search of children they can use for some experiments. Of course, they don't tell the parents this. All the townspeople know is that these people have offered to give their children a better life, and many of them give their children away. Echo was one of the offered kids.

For the next nine years of their life, they grew up in a lab, mostly unaware of their previous life. The lab is split into four sectors. Each sector contains five blocks, and each block contains ten children. Echo was in Sector 2, Block 1, and their assinged number was #56. To keep track of each child's number, they had them either carved or branded onto their left cheek, just under their eye.

The lab itself was focusing on creating the "perfect army". Echo was part of the earlier experiments, which were less broad and more so about creating the perfect soldier than a whole army.

Echo was one of the more promising results among their block. They had a shard of a Dynite implanted in their chest.

I might make a seperate post for Dynite lore, but to put it in simple terms: it's something the Gods use to store power, remain eternal, switch between human and god forms, and some other things I can't think of right now.

So, because I don't want to get too graphic here, a God's human form can't handle a Dynite shard's sheer power without their body quite literally melting. On top of the fact that the Dynite is what grants the Gods immortality, you can probably imagine how badly that went for Echo.

After all these tests and adjustments, the Dynite finally began to become comfortable with Echo as its host.

(Small note that isn't really to do with anything, I just wanted to mention it: Echo was AMAB, but obviously dysphoria is a thing and the Dynite picked up on that, so it changed their body to be fully androgynous. We stan a suppprtive gem.)

Once they had recovered, Echo became part of a group that was regularly taken to an arena of sorts. Their "task" was to test the strength of the true "perfect soldier" that the scientists had managed to create. This was a boy named Aeste, and he was what you'd expect from a fully grown soldier, but in the body of a thirteen year old.

The majority of the group was no match for him, and under the influence of the observing scientists, he disposed of every child that was pitted against him. Except for Echo, no-one could last more than a few minutes.

Over time, because Echo managed to survive each fight, the pair began to form a sibling bond, and eventually destroyed the facility together. They were seperated for a while, but Mai found Aeste, and then a week later, she found Echo.

And then the three of them became a found family. So yay, happy ending, at least until I get this book written!

I'm not sure if I missed some stuff, but if I did it was likely either spoilers or irrelavent to the story anyway.

#text post #long post #oc lore #oc #lore dump #echo lore #my child #answered

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picnokinesis · 2 years

Text

Ad Noctum - Thoughts on Chapter 6

We got chapter six of Ad Noctum this week, WITH REWRITES – and so you all know what that means! Time for another cwr essay with Taka, hooray! Next thing you know, I’ll be forcing @taardisblue to make a cwr podcast with me. I’m thinking we could call it ‘CWR Didn’t Give Us a Comment Section’. Very snappy.

Anyway, let’s get to it – as usual, it’s all under the cut

I’m not gonna structure this with anything fancy – I’m just going to go through the chapter in order, discussing the rewrites. But I’m also going to throw a thought in at the very end that I missed out on my previous Ad Noctum post (which you can find right here). As with that post, I’m going to be mentioning parts of the chapters of Ad Noctum that haven’t actually been posted on the blogspot yet (chapters 7 and 8), which I expect anyone who is reading this has already read…but if not, and you want to avoid spoilers, then turn away now.

The first section of this chapter – from Volker sitting with Rush in the ring room to them leaving to go to the Second House base – has only got a few small changes in, and none of them are really anything of note. But, for the sake of completeness (and because most of them amused me), I shall briefly go over a few of them. We had:

In Telford’s note to Volker about Rush, everything is the same except that he’s now underlined: Don’t let him do anything stupid

Volker upgraded himself from being “…the space pirate lab technician of a crazy person…” to “…the Space Pirate Lab Manager of an eccentric egomaniac.”

Volker’s list of ‘Ways To Not Die’ has more question marks in it (and a title)

The chapter list in Jackson’s has three extra chapters: Chapter Eight—Directions. Chapter Nine—So You’re About to Be Made A Host. Chapter Ten—Bargaining. We also get some footnotes!

Telford actually explains what an X-302 is

Volker gets much further into his book in the new version, making it all the way to chapter six rather than chapter four when Rush snatches the book off him in the ring room before they transport down.

Obviously not much to comment on, but I do like that we can now draw parallels from AdNoc!Volker to Math!Volker. I feel like Math!Volker had something of an advantage over AdNoc!Volker, since I think we can assume that he had some knowledge of the Goa’uld and the Lucian Alliance before being kidnapped through the gate – although, that said, maybe he didn’t, since we know that he only joined the SGC programme more recently, thanks to them discovering about his genetics. So maybe he doesn’t know that much about everything. But anyway, regardless, the point is that when we see Math!Volker in chapter 60 and 61, it’s after a good few weeks/months with the Lucian Alliance. He is, as Telford describes him: “…the kind of guy who can make it through the LA’s initiation ritual and a genetic modification bath while still holding onto his sanity and his astrophysics PhD. You’re the kind of guy who can learn to fight. Who gained twenty pounds of muscle and a mean right hook…”. Comparatively, when we see AdNoc!Volker, he’s just been dragged into this with absolutely zero context and knowledge about anything – so he’s definitely on the back foot, here. But what I love is that we get to see the start of what makes him the person we see in Math in this chapter. We see him make these decisions that, no, he’s going to do everything that he can to survive. And he’s going to do that by doing what he does best – learning. Gaining knowledge. Because he knows that knowledge is the thing that is going to save him the most, in this situation. And, I don’t know, I just really like that, in this fic, we’re seeing this process of him becoming this character we see in the latest chapters of Math. And I think that’s emphasised by cwr adding things like having him get further into the book on goa’uld. And we’re also going to see that ‘mean right hook’ in Chapter 7, of course, which I’m looking forward to because I love that scene for many reasons. (I’ll talk a bit more about that scene later, though)

The only other thing to really highlight is those extra chapters of Jackson’s book, namely chapter nine – because, considering the way that Telford uses Volker as goa’uld bait in chapter 8 of Ad Noc, I think that ‘So You’re About to Be Made A Host’ is a bit on the nose and that’s probably very intentional on cwr’s part hahah. And we also get some footnotes – which I think, along with Telford explaining what the X-302 is, might be partly because cwr is realising that not all of their readership are that well-versed on Stargate lore, and so don’t have things like ‘Jaffa – KREE!!’ imprinted into their brains hahaha

There are a few more dialogue changes too. When Volker and Telford are talking, and Volker asks if he thinks Rush has been brainwashed, which doesn’t really change much but I think the little added extra line is very nice and also painfully true, so I wanted to highlight it:

Original

"Do you think he got—" Volker trailed off, the words dying as Telford turned to give him an intent stare "Well. You know. Brainwashed."

"There would be," Telford murmured, "Almost no way for us to tell."

"Yeah," Volker said dully.

"But, for the little that it's worth, I would say no."

Rewrite

“Do you think he got—” Volker trailed off, the words dying as Telford turned to give him an intent stare. “Well. You know. Brainwashed?”

“There would be,” Telford murmured, “almost no way for us to tell. He’d probably figure it out before we did. Don’t think he’d take it to it very well.”

“Yeah,” Volker said dully.

“But, for the little that it’s worth, I’d say no. He hasn’t been brainwashed.”

There’s also this minor rewrite from when Rush woke up that makes me very sad and also even more concerned about what Rush has had to deal with than I was before:

Original

"Metaphorically fucked," Rush said in one slow, derisive pull.

"Well—hey. I mean—you were—um? I was just concerned that—"

"Stop talking."

"Okay."

Rewrite

“Metaphorically fucked,” Rush said in one slow, derisive pull.

“Well—hey. I mean—you were—um? I was just concerned that—”

“Not unreasonable. But stop talking.”

“Okay.”

We’ve also got some dialogue in goa’uld, which was there in the original, but I thought I’d tell you guys what it translates to. Actually, I should probably briefly go over the Ancient in the other recent chapters too, although I imagine most people were able to figure it out purely from context – in Chapter 61 of Math, Sheppard’s little foray into Ancient is just the lyrics of ‘Call Me Maybe’, and then in the prologue of Ad Noc, Rush just says ‘no one smokes in space’. Goa’uld is a bit trickier because you can’t just stick it into a Latin translator, but this website basically has all the phrases that cwr used in this chapter.

Gal al’quel – an order to hand over an item

Shak’na kree – an order to surrender or die

Shal’nok – never

And then, there’s one key one that I’ve left out, and that’s:

“How are you feeling?” Volker asked.

“Ona rak ja’do,” Rush sighed, and, while the words were dry, there was an undertone of regret there.

(Please note – in the original version, we just get the dialogue, and the description of how Rush says it is only in the rewrite)

Ona rak ja’do – There is nothing you can offer to change your fate. I will destroy you

Which, um, is a lot – especially with an undertone of regret? And this brings me to wonder about, for the millionth time, what Rush’s plan is regarding Volker, and why he kidnapped him in particular. That’s something I’ll get onto a bit later, but Rush saying this sort of thing suggests that he has a pretty clear idea of how things are going to end up playing out, and knows that Volker isn’t ever going to go back to his life from before – that’s he going to come out of this completely changed. And that makes sense, considering those ‘extra’ excerpts of Ad Noctum that CWR used to post on their tumblr blog, which showed that AdNoc!Rush and Volker both end up on Destiny.

THEN.

We start getting into the second section – aka, the rest of the chapter, when they start their mission in the Second House base. The first thing I want to talk about isn’t actually a rewrite, but rather something I’ve been pondering for a while – which is, namely, what is with this Kassa dust stuff? Because the really interesting thing is that it only seems to be affecting Rush and Volker – and Rush and Telford seem to have a good idea as to why. Consider:

Chapter 6

“We need to abort,” Rush hissed, his tone edgy. “Modified X-302s aren’t the only thing being manufactured here.”

“You worried about the dust?” Telford asked softly. “We’ll be fine.”

“Oh yes. You’ve convinced me with your baseless fucking assertion.” The words were clearly meant to be delivered in a dry, sarcastic manner, but there was an undertone of unease that brought a sympathetic chill to Volker’s bones.

Telford heard it too. He looked over at Rush, the movement sharp in the darkness. “You think it’s affecting you?”

“I know it’s affecting me, David, you should fucking well realize—“

“Hey,” Telford said, his tone deliberately soothing. He raised a hand, palm out. “I do,” he whispered. “Okay? I know. This won’t take long,” he whispered. “You can do it. And, if everything goes well, you can set this shit on fire on our way out. The whole place. I’ll even help you.”

“All right.” Rush sighed, readjusting his glasses. “All right.”

I have to wonder – because we know that Rush must know something about his unique genetics (and I can really argue this now since he talks about DNA later in the chapter, thanks to the rewrites), and we know that Volker also has the Ancient genes. But Telford does not. And Telford is the only one who isn’t affected. So, then, is there something in this dust which is related to identifying those who have that gene? Because if it is, you know what that reminds me of? The gas in Math that the Lucian Alliance pump through the SGC. The gas that only affects those with the Ancient gene, causing a physical reaction – which is what results in Math!Volker getting captured by the LA in the first place. Of course, I could be completely wrong, but the implication here, to me at least, definitely seems to suggest that the reason they’re affected is because of the gene.

And then, after they leave the main room and head into the corridor, we get some rewrites – which I was absolutely delighted about, because this whole part proved me right about what I said in my last post about this chapter before it got posted. The main thing is that cwr makes it much clearer that Rush puts his glasses back on – and the interesting thing is that the part where Telford asks Rush if he’s seeing or hearing anything suddenly comes over completely differently to how it did in the original version, because Rush saying ‘not exactly’ now feels like it refers to the fact that, yeah, he has been seeing and hearing things since he pulled himself out of that gel, but those things are real ascended beings, it’s just that no one else can see them. Interestingly, the line where Telford asks Rush if he’s sure he can do the mission has been cut out of the newer version – I suppose it comes over as Telford being more prepared to call off the mission if Rush is compromised in the old version, whereas in the new version, he seems more determined to push him on anyway. Maybe? It’s a very small change, so maybe cwr just felt like the new version flowed better without that line.

That said, I forgot to show in the previous post on Ad Noctum – the thing with the glasses. Because now we know that taking the glasses off means that he can see any ascended beings in the vicinity – and Maddy (@taardisblue) very kindly found all the places where they’re mentioned in the new version of the fic. And each time, a couple of lines were added in after Rush took his glasses off:

Chapter 2 – Original

"Many reasons." Telford said shortly. "For one, the initiation procedures for outsiders are—extreme."

"Extreme." Volker couldn't help the sudden chill any more than he could help glancing at Rush.

The mathematician's expression was utterly neutral, his stance uncharacteristically still. He did not look back at Volker.

Chapter 2 – Rewrite

“For one,” Telford said shortly, “the initiation procedures for outsiders are—extreme.”

“Extreme.” Volker couldn’t help the sudden chill any more than he could help glancing at Rush. The mathematician’s expression was utterly neutral, his stance uncharacteristically still. He didn’t look back at Volker. He seemed to be studying empty air.

Chapter 3 – Original

Rush stood, entirely still, staring into the air in front of him, as if it could save him from whatever it was that was going to happen when he met Kiva. One hand came out to press against the nearest wall. Volker had never seen anyone so clearly terrified. He couldn't help the sympathetic thrill of horror that seemed to constrict like a band around his lungs and his throat. Rush didn't seem like the kind of person who would scare easily.

"What—" the word was inaudible. He tried again. "What is this Kiva-person going to do to you?"

"I guess we'll find out," Rush said quietly.

Chapter 3 – Rewrite

Rush pulled his glasses off. He stood, frozen, staring into the air in front of him, as if it could save him from whatever it was that was going to happen when he met Kiva. One hand came out to press against the nearest wall.

Volker had never seen anyone so clearly terrified. He couldn’t help the sympathetic thrill of horror that seemed to constrict like a band around his lungs and his throat. Rush didn’t seem like the kind of person who would scare easily.

“What—” the word was inaudible. He tried again. “What is this Kiva-person going to do to you?”

Rush didn't reply, just continued to stare into nothingness. Like there was something there he could see.

"Rush, Volker insisted. "What is she going to do to you?"

“I guess we’ll find out,” Rush said quietly, slipping his glasses back into place.

Each time, he’s studying the air. He’s seeing something. And, of course, we can guess what that something is. But I do have to wonder – is he seeing fod!Rush or fod!Young? Or is he seeing the ‘locals’ – the Ancients and the Ori who are so interested in him from his own universe, or maybe even beyond. I said in my previous post that I was pretty sure that the other ascended being – the blonde one in the Air Force uniform – was probably ‘Riley’, aka the ascended being who we see in Force Over Distance who comes from a d-brane where the Ancients became observers and protectors of the multiverse. Someone suggested the idea that it might actually be Math!Volker – which is a pretty good suggestion because it would explain the one thing that’s really bugging me, which is that the ‘Air Force uniform’ that he’s wearing is different to FoD!Young’s, which doesn’t really make sense because if he looks like how he appeared in Force Over Distance – i.e. looking like Riley, in Icarus uniform. Because, well, from Ad Noc, we know that Telford has spare Air Force fatigues, so it’s quite possible that before the end of Math, we’ll see Volker wearing something like that. I think the main thing that makes me think that this isn’t Volker is the way fod!Rush seems to group him with the other two, calling them ‘the locals’ – and the fact that there doesn’t seem to be any interaction between Rush and this blonde ascended being, despite the fact that we know from Math that fod!Rush and math!Volker have interacted a lot. Which suggests to me that there’s a lot more distance between these two – lending itself more to multiverse!Ancient!Riley instead. Of course, as always, I could be wildly wrong about this!

But anyway, the point is that we know that Rush in Ad Noc has been seeing ascended beings intermittently – and that they, presumably, are interacting with him enough to be distracting when he can see them (unless Rush just likes having staring contests with ascended beings…which is possible).

And then, we move onto the biggest set of rewrites – which was where I expected to find rewrites, but not NEARLY as many as we ended up getting – the scene where we see Ad Noctum Young for the first time.

I’m not going to copy and paste all the rewrites, because I would basically have to copy the entire scene, the whole thing has changed quite dramatically. But let’s consider what these changes mean for the dynamics between the different characters compared to the original, and what my theories were before that I mentioned in the previous post I made:

Rush and Young (and also Rush and Telford)

So, thanks to the prologue, we now have a very different context for Rush meeting Young in this chapter than we did in the original version. In the original, as far as we can tell, this is the first time that Rush has seen Young. He seems to be focused much more on the fact that Telford knows Young, which means he’s from Earth – and therefore poses an opportunity to communicate to the Air Force that they’re in this situation when they shouldn’t be, in the hopes that maybe someone can get them out. He seems to act in a way to make himself memorable, presumably with the purpose of getting Young to remember his face, and actually looks into who he might be. In the rewrite, however, this scene feels completely different – it’s no longer about Young being from Earth so much (although that is definitely there as an undercurrent), but predominantly about the fact that it’s Young. It’s the person he saw in the prologue, the person he wants to find, and he suddenly has a chance to find out who he is because he doesn’t even know his name. And the intensity of his desire to find out who Young is gets ramped up, which results in him staying longer even after Telford tells him to go, and also results in Telford threatening to kill Young just to shut Rush up – because Telford recognises that it’s about Young, specifically. I am so so interested to see Chapter 7, because I’m pretty sure that there are going to be some more rewrites in the first scene where Rush and Telford have a bit of a standoff after Volker tries to attack Rush for what happened, and I can’t imagine that the strangely intense exchange between Rush and Young isn’t going to come up, considering how Telford ended up reacting in the new version compared to the old version.

Also, just as FoD!Rush said in the prologue – AdNoc!Rush definitely sees Young as his ‘mythic romantic ideal’, what with the whole ‘my love’ and that little wave that he gives him, and then of course the whole ‘cosmically assigned significant other’ thing, which made me nearly choke when I read it (and I was at work, for the record, so THAT was a mistake). The fact that AdNoc!Young also seems to be somewhat amused at Rush is also absolutely killing me – I absolutely cannot wait to see how this dynamic ends up developing. I’m certain it’s going to be completely volatile – and I’m also 100% expecting Rush to actually frame Young for murder, or more likely blow his cover somehow, considering the conversation in the prologue again. I just think that would be perfect and also very in character – and I also am banking on these two having their own version of “…we’ll never be done…” since all the other version of them in different d-branes got theirs.

And on a more emotional note, I honestly just wanted to cry for Rush in that scene – his desperation to find out who Young is, and for him to know who he is, is just so palpable and so much more so than in the original. That look he levels at Telford, which Volker describes as “…with more naked hatred than [he] had ever seen on a human face.” It’s just….augh. He’s not okay, in ANY way, and he’s just so desperate for a way out, and Telford won’t let him go.

On that note –

Young and Telford

So, in my last post, I said that when I first read Ad Noc, I thought that Telford was still working with the SGC, whilst also definitely working with the LA, but that I’d changed my mind and decided that, at the divergence point we get in the prologue between the different d-branes, that Telford must have blown his cover and ended up working solely with the LA.

I have now definitely changed my mind back again.

For sure, Telford is still considered ‘in deep cover’ within the LA. From the way he interacts with Young, and the way Young reacts to him, we can see that the animosity between them is definitely more for show, rather than something more genuine. There’s a little more silent communication between them, and a little more evidence of comradery. Telford definitely seems to be invested in Young not knowing who Rush and Volker are – which he is in the original too, but (possibly because of how Rush’s dialogue changes) it seems to be even more crucial to him here, which suggests that he doesn’t want the SGC to know what’s been going on. So that’s really interesting. It’s also very interesting that Young is undercover here – I know he was in the original, so this is more of a general note, but compare this to what goes on in Math, where Young ended up going on a mission to rescue Telford – a mission that clearly hasn’t happened in this d-brane, presumably because of Telford kidnapping Rush, and the attack on Anubis’ lab that we saw the aftermath of in the prologue, clearly made things go down very differently.

Anyway, I’m really hoping that some day we get to see at least some of what the conversation is that we don’t hear between Young and Telford when Rush and Volker go into the other room. Like, what on earth does he tell him to gloss over what’s been going on? And does Young believe it? I really hope that some day we get an AdNoc!Young pov chapter because I am just so fascinated to see what’s happening on his side of things.

After this, we get the scene with Rush and Volker, which also contains a bunch of rewrites, some small and some bigger. Obviously, there are a BUNCH of lines that are related to what we saw in the prologue – with Rush clearly recognising Young to be his version of that ascended being he saw before. His panic is much more potent here, to the extent that he ends up kneeling on the floor, and Volker wonders how on earth he’s going to get Rush to calm down enough to do what they need to do. It’s also interesting that in the original, the moment where they decide to make the nonogon out of fire changes slightly too:

Original

He tried to get a hold of himself, tried to think of something.

"If this Everett guy is with the SGC," Volker said, "Telford won't kill him. Probably."

"Probably not," Rush whispered.

"Which means he'll report back. Can we—somehow—"

"Yes," Rush hissed.

"Something he'll recognize," Volker murmured. "Something that will mean something to the SGC."

"A nonogon," Rush whispered. "For the gate."

"That would do it," Volker replied. "But how do we construct it?" he asked.

"With fire," Rush hissed. "With fire."

Rewrite

Volker tried to get a hold of himself, tried to think of something. “If this Everett guy is with the SGC,” he said, “if they know each other—Telford won’t kill him. Probably.”

“Probably not,” Rush whispered. “Not a given, but probably not.”

“Which means, if Telford lets him live, he’ll report back. Can we somehow symbolically—”

“Not a bad idea.” Rush looked up, detangling his hands from his hair, clearly hopeful.

“Something he’ll recognize,” Volker murmured. “Something that will mean something to the SGC. Something associated with you. Why were they trying to recruit you?”

“A nonogon?” Rush whispered. “For the cyphers?”

“That would do it,” Volker replied. “But how do we construct it?”

“With fire,” Rush said. “With fire.”

In the original version, it seems more like an idea that they come up with together – or, rather, that once Volker starts to suggest it, Rush takes the idea and runs. Whereas, in the newer version, a lot more of it seems to come from Volker. Rush is a lot more wrapped up in his panic. I also think it’s really interesting that cwr changed it from ‘nonogon = gate’ to ‘nonogon = cyphers’ – I’m not sure if that’s just because it’s clearer (since Rush was initially asked to help the Air Force figure out the cyphers), or because cwr shifted focus more onto the cyphers after writing the original version of this chapter. But it’s interesting.

There are also a few lines added that relate to the changes that Rush has gone through, thanks to the gel, such as the one about him being better at estimating arc lengths, but also more crucially the one about DNA being a kind of crystal, and Rush musing about whether he’d be able to learn to hear it. I can’t help but wonder – can he already hear it? Either way, he’s clearly aware that it would be an advantage to hear DNA, suggesting that he knows what he’s listening for – namely, the Ancient genes that both he and Volker carry. Because I’m pretty certain that the main reason that Rush went for Volker, rather than any other scientist, was not just for his dataset. As Volker asks himself, why didn’t Rush just steal the data? Why take Volker too? And I think it’s got to be because Rush knows about his DNA. Possibly, he finds out the same way that Telford found out about him (and, presumably, how the SGC found him in the other branes) – through the national bone marrow registry. This would make sense, because it would explain why Rush would target Volker specifically, and then decide that he can use his data as an excuse for why he needs him – but then, surely, Telford would recognise the name from the list as well? However, there’s also the possibility that Rush didn’t know – that he went to meet with Volker to steal his data, and that he sensed those genes, somehow? Heard them, like he talks about here? And then decides to kidnap him because of that, perhaps? Not sure, I just think the fact that cwr specifically adds this line about Rush hearing crystals and DNA being crystals is kind of crucial – because we know Rush was in that stuff for way longer than he should have been, and that it’s had a serious impact on him physiologically. I also don’t trust him not to lie, especially in THIS d-brane.

There’s a bunch of other changes in this scene as it continues into the part where Rush makes Volker figure out how to open the door. Volker thinks things like ‘just when he thought he and Rush had some common ground’ compared to ‘just when he thought that Rush wasn’t psychotic’, and Rush’s line in response to Volker about proving that he’s not afraid/that’s he’s a pathetic excuse for a human being is met with the response “…I’m not trying to prove anything…” compared to "…do I really need to prove that to you?". The changes are quite subtle, but to me they seem to make the whole thing read less as Rush just being an asshole (although, it DEFINITELY still reads like that) and more him being quite…laissez-faire with his life, especially in the context of the line from the previous section with Young, where he says that shooting him would solve a lot of problems. It’s almost like a retaliation against the thing that’s been made abundantly clear to him – that he has no control over his life. That Telford is in control of what happens, even as he fights against it with everything that he has, even if those ways are not the best thing to do.

Another change is that, in the new version, Rush goes back for the crystals. Not a surprise, considering what happens in the prologue, and the fact that we know he can hear them. And then, of course, Rush laughing the way he does when Volker decks him is completely new – in the original, Telford just pulls Volker off him and drags them both out of there. Again, I think cwr is just emphasising here how Rush is just…not okay in any way at all, rip. But then we also get this interesting bit with Telford taking the cigarette off of Rush and crushing it under his boot, which cwr added into the rewrite [to note – the cigarette was there in the original, just not Telford grabbing it off him]. Now, this is probably me reading into the whole thing too much, but there’s like…I don’t know, this nice recurring motif of Telford, Rush and cigarettes across the three fics. We see it in Force Over Distance, where Telford gives Rush a pack of cigarettes as a power play when they manage to successfully dial Destiny; and then, of course, in the shared prologue of Circuit, we have Telford smoking whilst leaning against Rush’s car. It’s just a little detail, but I love this repeating motif of Telford trying to control and manipulate Rush coinciding with the cigarettes. In Circuit and Force Over Distance, he’s trying to get Rush to do what he wants, to work with him. In AdNoc – especially in the context of this chapter – he’s trying to keep as tight a grip around him as he can, and keep him under his thumb. The way he tells Rush that no one smokes in space – the way he crushes Rush’s cigarette before dragging him away…I don’t know, like I said, I’m probably reading far too much into it. But I really love it. Especially considering how much more Rush seems to be Not Dealing Well With Things in the rewrite (not that he was doing well at all in the original haha).

That’s all I really have to say on Chapter 6! I just wanted to throw the last thought that I had at the end about the prologue that I forgot to talk about before, and that’s Rush speaking Ancient. First off – I think it’s weird that the genetic changes mean that Rush develops the ability to speak another language? Because, obviously, in FoD he ends up speaking Ancient, but I honestly assumed that this was because Destiny dumped the language into his brain when it trapped him in and did the genetic changes. But maybe it was the changes themselves that did something? I also wonder if what the chair did to Rush on Destiny is actually continuing the process that got started (and interrupted too early) in the Force Over Distance brane…and so, therefore, would AdNoc!Rush need those changes, when he ends up on Destiny? HOWEVER, we do know that this is a thing that Ancient tech has done in the past. It came to my attention the other day (thanks to Maddy, who is less well-versed in all things stargate since I dragged her into this fandom by shoving Force Over Distance in her direction before she’d even seen SGU, let alone the rest of the show) that there’s a bit about Rush speaking Ancient in chapter 7 that might be confusing to people. There’s a bit when Rush yells at Volker in Ancient under duress, and Telford immediately latches onto it and seems very unnerved. And I think the reason for this, for those who don’t know stargate so well, is probably because there are multiple occasions during SG-1 where the team have run into some rather aggressive Ancient technology which has downloaded a ton of information in someone’s brain, resulting in them gradually speaking Ancient and being unable to understand English at all, before gradually their brain stops functioning properly entirely because the information in there is too much. Obviously, this is not what’s happening to Rush here, but I think that Telford would be thinking of these scenarios, and that’s why he’s so worried. I also wonder if maybe the reason Rush can speak Ancient has something to do with where he is on the ‘ascension spectrum’, as FoD!Rush calls it – like he can see all these ascended beings, so maybe there’s some kind of…I don’t know, a psychic overlap which means the language is just…in his brain now? I have no idea. We’re probably not meant to think about it so hard hahaha – but I do really love it when Rush and other characters start speaking Ancient, especially when they start struggling with English too. Don’t ask me why, I just really love that particular arc in Force Over Distance haha

Anyway, hope you found these thoughts interesting! I am afraid I am quite tired, and as a result I’m not proof reading this thing at all. I hope it is not riddled with errors, but if it is, I apologise. And feel free to send me any thoughts!

#taka rambles #taka writes meta #cwr #cleanwhiteroom #ad noctum #sgu #stargate universe #this one is only 5.7k so i'm counting that as a win #i am also very tired so this is probably NOT COHERENT I'M SO SORRY #also sorry for not pulling all the quotes #but there are just SO many

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smokeybrandcompositions · 8 months

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Family Matters

I always find the generational gap between perspective to be interesting. Like, my extended family is having a birthday party for one of my mom's aunts and a celebration of life for one who passed this year. She's very adamant that i participate but i don't see the point. A little context, my mom has these awesome memories of her time hanging out with her family. She has stories for days about her cousins and aunts and everyone. That's fine. I do not. I did, early on, but after my grandma died, it's like all of those relationships went with her to the grave. My grandma died when i was around twelve years old. I turn thirty-nine tomorrow. I've not had a relationship with these people (or the ones my age, to be honest) for two and a half decades. I've lived an entire life away from these people so, when they have get-togethers like this, I'm just there. For my mom, this is a big deal. It's family. It's all of those memories she has, given form. For me, it's basically a bunch of people I've seen a handful of times since my grandma died. I just don't care.

My mom subscribes to the Boomer notion that you can't choose your family. Blood is thicker than water and all that. I do not. I learned much later in life that the full quote is "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." Basically, the actual saying means that you choose your family, that those bonds aren't tied by relation. Why would i want to spend time with people who basically threw my entire family away the second my grandma passed away? To be clear, this isn't me holding a grudge. I wasn't hurt that they stopped coming around or calling. Hell, i didn't even notice until one of my kid brother's pointed it out when i was well into adulthood. Like, i don't have a desire to stick to these people for leaving me out to dry or whatever. I sincerely don't care. I have my tribe. I've had my tribe for decades now at this point. I'd choose any of them over time with my extended family, any day of the week. And, in absence of one of mu chosen, i default to me.

I have very limited time for myself. I work a regular nine to five, but really i start at five so it's more a five to five. Get off work and then i take care of my mom. She's in bad shape so i tend to do the heavy lifting for her. Take out the garbage, walk her dog (which i do in the morning before i go to work, too), clean the kitchen, and whatever else she needs. I generally knock out by about nine or ten. I have around four hours to myself when i get home, and even then, I'm still kind of at the mercy of my ma's beckon call. Saturdays, i tend to sleep in because, of course, but those are the days where i have to run her errands. My ma refuses to drive because she's scary so that falls on me. Generally, from ten to twelve on a Saturday, I'm doing sh*t for her. Thems is part-time job hours, bro. Afterward, I'm still on the hook for all the sh*t she needs me to do during the week after work, too. Sunday is the day i reserve for myself, as much as possible but, even then, a third of it it is filled with my chores. Grocery shopping, cleaning, clothes washing, and i still have to walk her dog twice a day. I don't begrudge my ma for this at all. She's old and needs the help. That's fine. This is just context for why i don't want to do "more" than i have to do. Sh*t eats into my "Me" time.

I write. I draw. I game. Hell, sometimes i just want to throw my Spotify on shuffle and vibe. What's that sh*t called? Self care? There is value in that for me. Much more so than spending time with people I've seen less than my best friend, and he's been dead for four years. That's not hyperbole at all either. My best friend passed away in 2019. I'd known him since the eighth grade so, what is that? 1998? We had been in each others' lives for twenty years. I talked to that man multiple times a week, even when i moved to Arizona. Even when he got married and disappeared for a year. Even when i moved to Houston, we stayed in touch. We hung out for a few hours two weeks before he passed. He changed my brakes, we drank a carton of Newman's Own Lemonade. We blasted Du Hast at three in the morning. It's one of my happiest memories and the last one we shared. I don't have one like that for any of the people I'm expected to hang out with today. None of them. But, for some reason, in my mom's eyes, the non existent relationship i have with them, should carry the same weight as the one i had with my best friend, just because "family."

That sh*t doesn't make any sense to me. It feels like her definition of family is basically just obligation and i disagree. I don't owe anyone, anything, ever, and i don't think setting that boundary is such a terrible thing.

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smokeybrand · 8 months

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Family Matters

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mariacallous · 8 months

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In the 560 days since Russia launched its full-scale assault on Ukraine, daily reports produced by the Washington-based think tank the Institute for the Study of War have become some of the most widely cited authorities on the state of the conflict. ISW’s maps, which are updated daily to reflect needlepoint changes on the front line, have been used by the Wall Street Journal, the BBC, the Washington Post, and CNN in recent months.

Detailed battlefield updates were once the sole preserve of militaries, intelligence agencies, and embedded journalists. ISW’s Ukraine updates underscore how open-source intelligence has drastically changed public understanding of war. The team’s analysts, many of whom were not yet out of high school when Russia first invaded Ukraine in 2014, methodically mine the internet on a daily basis to build a near real time picture of the war’s progress which has been used by the media, governments, and humanitarian agencies in understanding the war’s progress.

“It allows people who don’t have access to classified information a much deeper understanding of what’s happening at a tactical, operational, and strategic level in Ukraine,” said retired U.S. Navy Vice Admiral Robert Sharp, who served as the director of the National Geospatial Intelligence agency, speaking about ISW’s work.

ISW’s map of the front line, a frayed red line scored across southeastern Ukraine, is made up of thousands of coordinates of Russian and Ukrainian positions, each one painstakingly identified, verified, and continually updated by the ISW team. Beyond the media, their work has been cited by researchers with the demining organization the Halo Trust, U.N aid agencies, and NASA Harvest projects, which seek to calculate the war’s impact on global food supplies.

The man behind the map is 26-year-old George Barros, who leads ISW’s four-person Geospatial Intelligence Team. Sitting in a spartan office in Washington, D.C., on a Friday afternoon in mid-August, Barros whirls the wheel of his computer’s mouse, deftly navigating between villages that most Ukrainians, let alone others around the world, likely had never heard of before the war.

Maps by the Institute for the Study of War show the assessed control of terrain in Ukraine and the main maneuver axes (left), as well as the assessed control of terrain around Pyatykhatky and Robotyne, as of Sept. 5 at 3 p.m. ET. Institute for the Study of War

The bread and butter of their work is open-source geolocation, a technique brought to prominence by groups such as Bellingcat, which uses context clues from images and footage of the conflict—a bend in a river or the markings on a tank—to pinpoint when and where an image was taken. Systematized and coupled with other powerful tools, such as NASA’s real-time map of global fires and commercially available radar and satellite imagery, the mix has enabled Barros’s team to build out a sophisticated picture of who controls the terrain in an ever-shifting battle thousands of miles away.

The approach is not without error. “The process is not about producing the perfect map every time. It’s a process about producing the best map that’s possible given the evidence and information that’s accessible at the time,” Barros said.

The early days of the conflict were the most chaotic as Russian forces advanced rapidly along numerous lines of attack, coming within nine miles of central Kyiv in the early weeks of the war. But as the fighting has concentrated in eastern Ukraine, it has become easier to trace shifts in the front line. “The kind of debates that we’re having, it’s about not kilometers. The debates are like, ‘what’s happening at the hundreds or tens of meters level?’” Barros said.

While ISW’s work has become a go-to source for maps and updates on the conflict, some seasoned military analysts, who declined to speak on the record for this piece, find them to be overly bullish about the performance of the Ukrainian military. They also criticized the media’s over-reliance on the institute’s battlefield updates, noting that analytical misfires by the young team have ended up being replicated many times over in the press.

In May, following a drone attack on the Kremlin, ISW’s daily report speculated that it could have been perpetrated by the Russian authorities as a false flag operation to set the stage for a wider social mobilization around the war effort. In a thread on X, formerly Twitter, Nathan Ruser, an analyst with the Australian Strategic Policy Institute, said, “it’s irresponsible to throw these largely baseless theories out there knowing how they’ll be consumed.”

“These updates … have become incredibly incorporated into the process that media uses to write the first draft of history for this war,” wrote Ruser, who did not respond to a request for comment.

Sharp, the former director of the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency, said that the critiques from experts with deep experience in the subject matter are likely valid, but that there is still value in providing detailed updates for those without access to classified government reports. “There’s value in being that aggregator, and putting that together. And they’re making it widely available,” he said.

The institute’s Russia team lead, Mason Clark, is the first to acknowledge that the reports are often based on incomplete data. “So much of what we write is a medium confidence assessment,” he said, using language borrowed from the intelligence community. “It’s a running joke on the team that if you [type] Control-F, the most common thing in our updates is, ‘ISW cannot independently confirm this report at this time,’” he said.

In many ways, Clark shares the frustration of ISW’s critics at the way in which the institute’s assessments are picked up by the media, often shorn of their carefully worded analytical caveats. “We actually published a statement on our methodology back in May, making clear that none of our work should ever be quoted without those probability statements,” he said.

One of the team’s first major analytic misfires was over the question of whether Russia would invade Ukraine at all. “We thought there was no way the Russians were going to invade because they would be moronic to do so,” Clark said. “We were looking at their force deployments and saying, there’s no way the forces deployed in Belarus would be able to capture Kyiv, this is a terrible command structure, they’re going to face long, hard fighting,” he said.

The underlying analysis was right: Russian forces were kneecapped by poor planning in the early days of the way. But their ultimate conclusion failed to account for Russian President Vladimir Putin’s obsession with bringing Ukraine to heel at any cost.

When the invasion began, ISW’s Russia team consisted of three people: Barros, Clark, and Kateryna Stepanenko, who graduated college just the year before. What started that day as a quick four-page update spearheaded by Clark on the state of the invasion, as Russian forces streamed across Ukraine’s borders, has since evolved into an eight-person team and a meticulous production process that runs seven days a week.

The team’s day begins around 8 a.m. with collection, sifting through an extensive list of more than 100 online sources, including Twitter and Telegram accounts as well as updates from various parties to the conflict. By lunchtime, the day’s collection document has grown to 41 pages of color-coded notes on every major dimension of the conflict.

The sense of mission is palpable as the team works in near silence at two neat rows of white desks in ISW’s office in central Washington, D.C. One point of levity: The meme wall, which was dominated by pictures of Russian mercenary boss Yevgeny Prigozhin, whose brutality and public outbursts cast him as one of the arch villains of the conflict. A whiteboard keeps track of bets cast as to when Prigozhin would “fall out of a window,” established months before he died in a plane crash last month.

Aside from their maps, ISW’s monitoring and translation into English of key accounts on Telegram, a popular messaging app in Russia and Ukraine, has been some of their most widely cited work. Stepanenko, who originally hails from Ukraine, initially began scouring Telegram for updates on the war to make sure her family in the country were safe. “That’s where I noticed we have a big gap in our information,” said Stepanenko, who began systematically building a database of Telegram accounts related to the war, collating them by their various ideological affiliations.

With no content moderation in a realm already awash with disinformation, Telegram can be a swamp of speculation and falsehoods. But it nevertheless plays a powerful role in shaping public perceptions of the war and can offer a peek into power struggles within the Russian system.

In Russia, where the media has been tightly muzzled by the Kremlin, hawkish military bloggers such as those active on Telegram have largely remained free to provide some of the most vocal criticism of the war’s progress. Russian officials have also been suspected of using the platform to leak information and stir up scandal amid bureaucratic knife fights.

“We severely underestimate the power and importance of the information space to Russian officials,” Stepanenko said. She summarized her work: “I just really like Kremlin drama.”

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temeikawilliams · 11 months

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Exercise E (6)

What idea are you trying to communicate?

The concept of these images is landscape photography with long exposure. I plan for this series of landscape images to depict the reality of urban lifestyle. In other words, I want to view and capture everyday life scenes through the lens of capitalism. Reflecting the common notion of being “Stuck in the rat race”.

Why is it important to you?

I grew up in a low socioeconomic area where money was scarce for my family, and many others in the area. I went to school a few suburbs away, in a higher socioeconomic area. During this time I discovered the ways in which money offered freedom, rather than restriction. From there on out, I have pondered the ways in which this notion is an illusion. Money may offer a degree of freedom, such as food choices, vacations, activities, vehicles, housing, et cetera; however, we are still controlled by it. In most cases, the only way to reach financial freedom is to "work like a dog". If you do not conform to this lifestyle, you'll have restricted access to necessities, such as housing and food. Either way, our lives are controlled by money or lack thereof. Unless you are born into money or thoroughly enjoy your career, capitalism is a lose-lose scenario.

What landscape category is the work engaging with?

This project can be classified into multiple categories. Firstly, the series of images engage with politics and propaganda, as it captures life as a by-product of capitalism. Secondly, this project engages with the category of documentative photography. None of the scenes were manipulated by me; I was simply capturing what had presented itself.

Reference - minimum 3 artists that influence my work & how each is significant (what did I draw from each?)

1. Christina Fernandez:

I appreciate this artist's use of long exposure and dim lighting. In my opinion, this produces a melancholic effect which I would like to re-create in my own work. I especially like the storefront scene and its reflection of everyday life in urban areas.

2. Daido Moriyama:

I have drawn inspiration from this artist's street photography. Especially the photos where he documentary-style photographs of large groups of individuals bustling by him. I aim to incorporate a landscape version of this theme into my final project.

3. Niccardo Mag:

I absolutely love this artist's style. The long-exposure shots with people blending into the environment. Also, I believe public transport adds amazingly to the vibe being created in this piece.

Site and connection to country What/where will you photograph? Provide a brief context to the site from which you will create your photographs. What is the history of the site? What is your connection to the site? How does this site relate to your project issue? Why is this important to your project?

I took this series of photographs in Dharug country. I don't have a specific location in mind, other than Central train station. I simply plan on wandering through multiple areas in Sydney. This is because Sydney city is densely populated with people living and working on top of each other.

Light What type of light will best suit your approach? How/why is this the best approach? What is your rationale?

I will be taking these photographs during nighttime. This is so I can showcase the city lights and traffic to exaggerate the concept of capitalism. For example; lit up offices, apartments, and vehicles, reflecting off of huge buildings.

Outline your shooting plan: - Where/location(s) - When (what weeks of class) - How (photographic approach, resources needed, production issues)

I plan on photographing in Sydney City between weeks nine and ten. I will need to borrow a camera and tripod from the university.

UPDATE (1):

I realise I need a longer exposure on photos I took so people in other background are more blurred out.

I could not find the scene at Central Station that I planned on capturing.

UPDATE (2):

I found the scene I was planning on shooting, however, I couldn't get the image because the tripod did not reach high enough.

I did not take many photos this week because the camera battery died shortly after arriving in the city. Next week I will make sure everything is charged.

UPDATE (3):

I didn't get to rent a camera and tripod in time Friday afternoon. Instead, I borrowed my mum's camera and had no tripod. I did not take any good landscape photos. Next week I will get in earlier.

UPDATE (4):

I have taken 3 of my final images and all that is left to do is the rest of the theory work, which I have designated to finish in the last tutorial next week.

I will take the remaining photo before next week so I can edit everything in my final class.

UPDATE (5):

I lost my SD card and didn't have any photos backed up. I had to retake the final photos and because of this, will submit my assignment late.

I misread the instructions and thought I could submit the photos together as a pdf. I am not in Wollongong and do not have access to Photoshop until the 7th, hence my submission of the photos will be three days late. This is really upsetting after working so hard on this project all semester. Everything else is complete, I just need to hand in the images.

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dailyaudiobiblechronological · 1 year

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3/30/2023 DAB Chronological Transcription

Judges 1 - 2

Welcome to Daily Audio Bible Chronological. Today is the 30th day of March and I'm Jill, welcome. It's so good to be here with you as we travel through the Word of God every single day here. And we do it in chronological order. We've turned the page in the story of our own lives. We've turned the page in the story of the Word. We've ended one chapter and we begin a new one. Such is the story of our lives, right? Necessary endings, sometimes unforeseeable endings. But here we are. As one thing comes to a close, it gives way for something brand new to be born. So with that being said, today we begin the Book of Judges, reading chapters one and two. And we're reading in the Evangelical Heritage Version, Judges, chapter one.

Commentary

So with the turn of the page today in a brand new chapter, we also have a very brand new concept of leadership that we have not experienced before. So we went from leaders. We're heading towards kings. Not to give too much away, but we're in a period where the rulers that led were referred to as judges. This is the Book of Judges. This is all about the leaders, the rulers, the judges of this time period after the leadership of Joshua and what we find, and boy, it did not take the people very long before they started worshipping other gods once again. And what's funny is, when we're reading this in context from day to day, the redundancy of the same warnings over and over and over again, almost wear you down where you're like, I get it. It's like me trying to talk to Ezekiel, my ten year old, about things he does not want to hear about. And I get so frustrated because I'm like, but if I wouldn't have reminded you ten times consecutively, you wouldn't have done it because you didn't want to do it. Which is why I had to remind you the nine other times. And he just doesn't get it. He just feels like, if I could just stop talking and I'm like, If I could just get you to brush your teeth. Now, teeth brushing and worshipping God are not in the same category, but hopefully you get the point that I'm making. It can sound so redundant to where we're going. We got it. I hope they got it. And then how quickly we see they didn't get it. And it makes me wonder if we're not a bit of the same way. We got it. We got it, Lord, I got it, lord, I got it. God, I got it. We don't got it. Or just how we think. It's funny that the same thing that God is asking of us comes up three different places in a week and we still go, do you think he's speaking this to me? Do you think he's not? And yet I'm guilty. I am so guilty. Many times it's just something I don't want to do or giving up walking away from something I don't want to give up or walk away from. We like our comforts. We like our comfort zones. We like our vices. We like the things that have become so familiar, so routine to us that we're on autopilot. We don't even realize what it is that we're gravitating towards until we get three Blatant signs in one week that we will still question. Maybe I'm not really seeing that. Maybe I'm just a little bit crazy. Or maybe God really is doing absolutely everything he can to put something in our path, to get our attention, to get us to turn our focus back to Him. We can't be all that appalled reading this until we look in the mirror and realize it may be our story that we're reading from a really long time ago.

Prayer

Father, we thank you for your word. We thank you for how it transforms us. We thank you for how it convicts us. Even though we do not like conviction, our offense is usually because there's a tinge of truth. We are not willing to come to terms. We're not willing to look and face it head on. We have done everything we can to avoid it. And that offense should bring us to a place where we look in the mirror and say, is there truth to this? Is there truth I'm willing to not look at? What am I doing to push this aside? What am I doing to avoid this instead of facing it head on? Knowing that you'll be there with us, knowing that you are kind in your delivery, you are kind in how you teach us and correct us and lead us to a choice where we can choose repentance or we can choose more of the same. And as we repent, Father, may we be reminded to turn around and walk in the opposite direction of where we have been walking. That is true repentance, changing the pattern so that we do not continue in the same cycles, the same curses, the same patterns of destruction. And I thank you that it leads us into your loving arms. Thank you for this truth today. Thank you for this reminder today and we pray this now. All in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, amen.

Announcements

Daily Audio Bible that is home base. Check it out. If you have not take a look around. That's the website as well. It's the free app. Download it, if you have not. Share it with a friend and take a little tour. If you would like to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, thank you so much for your partnership. We could not do this without you. If you're giving by mail DAB PO Box 1996, Spring Hill, Tennessee 37174. Or if you are utilizing that app, hit the Give icon. It's up at the top right hand corner of your mobile device. And lastly, look for the Give icon on the website if you need prayer. If you would like to pray for someone that's previously called in, several different ways for you to do so, 800 583-2164. Or once again, utilizing that mobile app, hit the red circle button up at the top right hand corner. You have two minutes on the prayer line. Really important step here at Chronological, hit Submit, and then turn that wheel over to Chronological. Also, make sure you're talking clearly into your phone or your device. Whatever you're recording on that would be ever so helpful. That's it for me today. I'm Jill. We'll turn the page together tomorrow as we're winding this week down and heading into just a beautiful week called Holy Week, where we celebrate as believers the greatest historical event in all of history. That's it for me today. I'm Jill. We'll turn the page together tomorrow, and I look forward to it. Until then, love one another.

Community Prayer Line

Hello, my DAB family. This is Covered in His Blood and I listen to today's podcast March 24, and I just want to lift China up. Father God, I lift China up. I just pray we all just pray for a healthy baby and a good, clean pregnancy from this day on. Father God, I just pray that everything just goes smooth. She has no pain, just full of energy, just comfortable. Father God, she is carrying a wonderful gift, a gift that you have given to her. And Father God, we just lift China up to you. Thank you guys for all you do. Thank you for this podcast. And everybody having an awesome day. This is Covered in his blood. China, I believe that we're having a little DJ. I believe that this is a little boy. It might even be little twin boys. Have a great day.

Hey, my precious DABC fam. This is kingdom seeker Daniel and lady of victory. We just want to stop by and pray for a couple of marriages. This prayer is for Jody's husband, who has walked away from the family and potentially God as well. God would come to me on behalf of your daughter and your son asking, Father, that you would open up the eyes of Jody's husband and cause him to see what the truth is. God, you said that he whom the Son says free is free indeed, God. And somehow he has been lied to once again by the enemy, who is so cunning, God, and believable at times, God, that he tricks us into his schemes. And God, he has left you and his family believing that there is something else out there, something else better, God, because that's what the enemy has told him. But Satan, you are a liar. And we come against every attack that you have against this marriage and against this family and against her husband's heart, God, that is causing him to turn away from you. We are asking you, God, that you would show yourself mighty that you would show up. And we ask that you would just keep Jody up on the wall. God, don't let her give up on her husband or her marriage, but God are able to stand in the gap for him. In Jesus name and Lord, we also lift up Kim from California, who has been experiencing a lack of power and strength in the marriage and just praying that you would speak to both of Kim and her husband and help them to be kind. To one another, but to also to press in to you so that you will be able to empower them to infuse the love that has gone by the wayside. Would you do a new thing in Kim and her husband's marriage to your glory? In Jesus name, amen, amen. Love, you family.

Good morning, my DABC family. This is Yvonne from Hilo, Alberta. I asked to be called his beloved, but I'm sorry, I didn't realize there was already a beloved. So I'm going to ask instead that you please call me his little song bird. I had my surgery and the healing process so far has been rough and. I'm having problems with my temper. Yesterday I had an absolute meltdown. Like, I have not had in over ten years. To the point where not only did I scare our dogs, but it scared me as well. And this getting upset and yelling, it puts pressure on the ear that I just had surgery on. And I know it's a ploy of the enemy. So could you please hold me up in prayer that the Lord would help me to deal with this anger that's still inside me. Thank you.

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socksjinie · 2 years

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wonder: chapter 02 | bts

synopsis. she had forgotten all about her favorite idols from her teenage years, but a reminder came to her through email format. the content of it? simple: working with the idols themselves — bts. how wonderful could that be?

✿ main chapters of the wonder drabbles; read them here

pairing. bts x oc's

genre. idol au + fluff + slice of life + smut

word count. 1877

warnings. lots of unseen glances and tension :/

A couple of weeks had gone by since the first meeting Carolina had with HYBE’s representatives. Since then she had been very busy with all the formalities required for the production of the new highlight reel for BTS. She had to sign a series of different contracts, half of them being confidentiality agreements.

Today, as agreed before, her day would be packed with meetings. Starting at nine, she would have an hour with each individual member of BTS. Like Bang Pd had previously stated, the company did nothing without the boys' consent when it came to their own productions and concept, so this was a way to brainstorm with them different scenarios for the highlight reel. And it was true, they all had very different visions for what they wanted, but in the end, they fit together like puzzle pieces.

Jin was the first member Carolina met with. Once she arrived in the open space auditorium, at the very top of the building, he was already waiting with a coffee in hand. Once he noticed her, he stood up and bowed politely, and she mimicked his actions.

They began discussing Jin’s ideas right away. She had noticed he wasn’t one to beat around the bush with introductory talking, and she liked that very much about him — she too hated small talk. In brief seconds he had confided he wanted to do something different from what he had always done.

“I think people perceive me as being old-fashioned just because I’m the oldest… Or that I’m maybe too old to be acting as the youngest,” Jin explained, making her laugh alongside him in understanding. “I want to change that.”

Carolina kept scribbling in her notebook, little fragments of what he was saying.

“And what do you have in mind?” She asked curiously as to what he was thinking giving the context.

“Well, I for once would like to be seen doing things I really enjoy doing, like… Hmm, amusement parks! Since it’s a highlight reel, I think it would be fitting, right?” He pondered. “You can add whatever you feel that would give off the ‘youth’ look to it,” Jin suggested and Carolina wrote everything down. An idea popped into her head almost immediately.

Their meeting was briefer than she had expected, Jin really didn’t waste time showing his preferences and giving her the free pass to do what she felt would match the concept he was going for. A little before the clock hit ten, signaling it was Namjoon’s turn, Jin received a text. It was the boy himself saying he was a bit late, so the oldest invited Carolina to the cafeteria right across the room, which she politely accepted.

Namjoon came in a rush, which she found extremely cute. He apologized for his tardiness and explained he hadn’t taken the path with his bike to work for a while. Their meeting went by flying, his train of thoughts was so interesting that Carolina lost sight of the time, only being reminded of it when Jimin came in giggly announcing he was already on the wait.

Jimin was overly excited to be working with someone new and he listened more than he gave ideas. He was charming and very receptive to every suggestion Carolina gave him. Working with someone like him was a blessing, she concluded.

After him, she went to grab a quick bite in a nearby cafe. Her journal in hand, trying to connect everything she had written down until now into a bigger plot. The meetings returned again at one o’clock with Yoongi. She saw herself standing in the same auditorium, relishing the view before her, before realizing it was already fifteen minutes past the scheduled hour and still no sign of the boy in question.

Once he finally appeared, apologizing for being late, Carolina could notice he hadn’t been up for too long. It was written all over his puffy eyes and messy hair.

He grabbed a quick coffee before they finally started talking. And they talked, how they talked… About everything but the highlight reel. They started on the music subject and the piano. Carolina admitted she didn’t exactly know how to play it but her grandmother was a true master of the instrument, which peaked Yoongi’s attention the minute she mentioned it.

Unfortunately, time flew by fast, and before they noticed, someone was clearing their throat to make himself announced. Turns out Jungkook had been standing close by but they were so absorbed by their little chat they didn’t notice his presence.

“Well, it was nice talking to you,” Yoongi said sheepishly while standing up. “Even though we didn’t really discuss much the highlight video.”

That made Carolina genuinely smile. “I got you covered, don’t worry.” She assured him, and he showed a gummy smile. “But we can always schedule another meeting sometime this week. If you’re free, of course!”

“Or maybe I could get your number? To discuss the ideas for the video and stuff…” Yoongi trailed off awkwardly. It was quite the sight. He had his left hand rubbing his neck, biting down a shy smile.

Jungkook who was watching this whole number silently, suddenly got impatient and made himself known once again by bluntly passing by in the middle of the other two on his way to sit down.

“Oh- yeah, sure!” Carolina responded, her eyes burning the back of the maknae’s head for interrupting the moment.

She quickly typed her phone number on the device Yoongi gave her and offering a last smile he left. Her attention was completely on Jungkook now, who was already watching her attentively with arms crossed.

He somehow was a completely different person from the last time she saw him. He gave a million different ideas, including photography-wise and camera work — and that surprised Carolina a lot — talking about it non-stop. She was kind of amused by his new attitude.

The only member left to meet now was Taehyung, since Hoseok was having a few days off because of family matters — she was planning on filling him in once he came back. Carolina and Jungkook were still debating on scene composition when Taehyung arrived like a pile of energy. And somehow Jungkook kept lingering in the room.

Like the other members, Taehyung spoke his heart out. But he was the one giving the most out-of-the-box ideas, some made Carolina laugh out loud, beyond entertained.

“What?” He asked the girl, lighthearted, “You don’t think that’s possible?”

“It isn’t.” Jungkook scoffed.

“On the contrary. I just think it’s unpredictable.” She explained herself. “But I like it! That’s why I started photography in the first place, to challenge myself.”

And that made Taehyung’s smile grow wider, and Jungkook looked at her with curiosity.

“I was actually looking at your photographs the other day, and you have a real gift. They’re beautiful!” Taehyung complimented, and Jungkook was caught once again as being an observer, never fully participating in the conversation, just waiting anxiously for the next reply. “We could go out sometime to take some shots if you’re not too busy?”

“Aren’t you?” She giggled. If they were preparing for the comeback, their schedule should be more than full.

“Not really, we have this week free because of all the meetings and stuff.” He shrugged, but contrary to the action he seemed way happier. Probably to be having some free time away from all the tiring dance practices every day. “You want to go on a surprise ride with me tonight?” He now directed the question to Jungkook who was startled by the sudden attention.

“Me? Oh no, I have a- A thing to do today, hyung, I’m sorry.” He lied.

“Some other time then,” Taehyung said not losing his spirit. “What about you? If you’re free tonight… I have my camera with me!” He asked Carolina instead, in expectation.

Jungkook’s eyes were also on her, expectant, but she didn’t notice that. And there was no way she could say no to Taehyung, especially when it came to photography.

“Sure! I’m always up to adventure!”

Surprised by her answer, Jungkook’s mouth opened and closed to say something. But he didn’t.

It was six o’clock when they left the building. Jungkook had stayed behind, watching as they went away overly cheerful while he was doomed to get bored in his own house, not doing a thing for the rest of the evening.

As for the other two, they took pictures for a long time next to the Han river, as the sky colors were starting to fade away into a deep blue, almost black. Once the street lamps started to light up, the duo decided to go and have dinner together. The restaurant was chosen by Taehyung, claiming the space was usually frequented by his close friends.

The place was beautiful, Carolina could see why Taehyung’s friends would come so often. It had a cozy feeling to it despite being fancy and well furnished.

They ordered and began looking through their phones and cameras to see the photos they had snapped throughout the whole evening. As they were excitedly comparing the quality of the pics, someone called for Carolina, interrupting their chat.

“Carol?”

Carolina looked up at her name being called. Since she was in South Korea, it was almost impossible for the calling not to be meant for her. Her eyes widened when she noticed who it was.

“Deo?!”

And at that Taehyung’s eyes left his vintage camera to look up as well.

Carolina quickly got up from her seat, with a big smile on, and the girls hugged each other. They kept looking at one another incredulous. What were the odds of running into a college friend, years later, in Seoul out of all places?

“What are you doing here?” Carolina asked amused by the universe’s tricks.

“Long story short, I live here now! I’ve been living here for the past three years,” Deo said, giving a quick glance at Carolina’s company on the table. “You’re doing photography?”

“I am! But what about you?” Carolina questioned excitedly. She would never believe to meet again her once best friend miles away from home.

“I work for Gucci actually. I’m the store director here in Seoul.”

The girls kept chatting completely unaware of Taehyung’s gaze over them.

“Oh, and this is Taehyung,” Carolina introduced him, mouthing a quick ‘I’m sorry’ to the boy who reassured her with a smile. “This is Deo, an old friend of mine.”

Taehyung got up from his chair to bow and Deo did the same, only slightly.

“Want to join us?” Carolina asked absentmindedly, not reading the room because of her sudden euphoria. Both of them seemed tense.

“Oh, no, I actually have to go! I’m on a date.” Deo deviated her lingering eyes to look back at Carolina, “But here’s my number.” She extended a business card to her friend who gladly took it. “Text me later, yes?”

The girls hugged each other once more and said their goodbyes. Deo only waved awkwardly to Taehyung and he offered her a small smile, seeing her go.

Sitting down, Carolina focused her attention on Taehyung once more.

“So, speaking of Gucci…” She started, and his heart did a loop inside his ribcage.

✿ next chapter >

if you want to be tagged for the next chapter, comment bellow!

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wheelsup · 3 years

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the taming of the shrew | one

he is more a shrew than she

penelope reveals her plan to get you and spencer together. unfortunately, her plan has a few hitches.

A/N: again, big thanks to @homoose for being my helpful beta reader, and to YOU for reading it now.

category: fluff, spencer reid x fem!reader, series

wc: 4.1k

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Penelope came back to your place the following night, bearing a new bottle of wine and a collection of materials she mentioned were integral to executing the plan.

Very quickly into Penelope’s explanation of this Genius Plan –– her words, not yours –– you remembered what it was she did for work. Officially, she was some sort of technical computer-y person for the Federal Bureau. As you knew her, she’s a danger to society and anyone with a traceable digital presence.

She managed to construct a comprehensive list of every place in D.C. and Virginia that her friend liked going to, along with the approximate times in which you were most likely to find him there. Approximate meaning, exactly which days he visits and the roughly time of day, down to a mere one hour margin of error.

You scanned the list over, shocked at its detail. Where he cut his hair, got his coffee, bought his books. His favorite restaurants, the chess clubs he’s a member of, his local hospital.

His local hospital?!

“I’m not going to need to know that, am I?” you paused.

“Probably not, but it comes in handy with this job,” she shrugged with a nonchalance that was rather alarming.

There had to be a dozen more places on the sheet –– ranked, in order of his (assumed) preference for them. Penelope calculated it based on the frequency of his visits, their average duration per session, and how often he’d mentioned about the place.

“What?” she tossed her palms up, taking offense when you asked her if she had evil plans to take over the tristate area. “Hang out with him long enough, you tell me if you pick up a knack for researching or not.”

Researching. Mining private data through questionable methods. It’s a small difference to Penelope.

“Remind me not to get on your bad side, Penelope,” you muttered under your breath, flipping the sheet back and forth. “You could ruin my whole life with ten minutes on a computer.”

“I wanted to be thorough,” she defended, shrugging. “And I’d only need five.”

You laughed through your nose, giving the paper one last scan. “You left out one important thing, though.”

“No, I put his home address on there,” her brows wrinkled together as she pointed it out on the sheet with one hot pink polished finger.

“His name,” you berated. “Jesus, you think I’m going to show up at his home?!”

“Again! I’m thorough,” she cried at your accusatory tone. “His name’s Spencer. You’ll like him when you meet him.”

You didn’t doubt that Penelope’s friend was a likeable guy, but you weren’t exactly dying to go out of your way to meet him. You told her that you’d get around to it when you had a chance and left it at that.

And two weeks later, you found yourself in need of a caffeine fix that your tea kettle wasn’t strong enough to satisfy. You started on a new piece late the previous night, and midnight rolled into four in the morning, which pushed you into the arms of seven o’clock. Reinforcements were needed.

Throwing on a large sweater to cover up your messy clothes and grabbing the closest pair of shoes you could find, you originally planned on heading to your usual spot just around your street corner. Just as you were leaving, the list, still sitting untouched in the exact spot that Penelope left it in, caught your eye.

It’d been a while since you told Penelope you’d help her out. Enough time had passed that you now felt like there was an invisible deadline over your head.

Maybe it won’t hurt to try something new?

Besides, meeting someone at a coffee shop seemed like an easy, foolproof way to go about this. From all the movies and romance novels, you knew that cafes are the pinnacle of meet-cute situations. Or, in your case, a meet-forced.

Regardless, it should’ve been simple enough, and it would’ve gotten the favor off your shoulder.

You scanned the sheet for the cafe Spencer would be at on a Thursday at 8 a.m., and got there with barely five minutes to spare before he was expected to show.

It was just your luck that he had to pick a cafe practically as far from your home as he could get, and the transfer train had to have a delay that made you walk the last three-quarters of a mile there. Call it crazy, but you didn’t expect to actually have to put in work for this. You expected it better be worth the hassle.

You took a seat in the back of the cafe to catch your breath as you waited for him to show up. Sitting in the booth, with your head down so you coudn’t be seen, the plan started to feel stupid all over again. You were running around the city, spying on this stranger, and for what?

The silver bell hung over the door frame interrupted before your thoughts could travel down that path of questioning. It rang each time a new patron enters, and within the next twenty minutes it rang only eight or nine times. None of them appeared to be Spencer.

You were prepared to call this one a failure and leave, when you realized your colossal mistake. You only had his name, and no idea what he looks like. So unless he happened to wear a name tag around you could’ve already missed him. You realized then that there were more than a few flaws in this plan.

Keeping an eye on the door, you dialed Penelope’s contact as a swarm of new patrons flooded in.

“How am I supposed to know what he looks like?” you whispered into the phone, failing to cover it with a hand cupped over the speaker. Penelope was confused for only a second by the apparent lack of context.

“Oh! He’s tall, has mousy brown hair but he cut it recently. It’s like… missing on the sides, but it’s all there in the front!” she explained.

What the hell does she mean missing?

“Pen, brunette? That’s like all the guys in here…” You took a look around the full cafe; various men typing on computers, taking calls. All of them looked the same, from their brown hair to their khakis and puffer coats. “You’re going to have to give me a little more than brown hair.”

Penelope struggled to explain and with each new feature she gave you, your mental picture of him got more clouded. “He’s skinny! Dresses like a vintage teddy bear!”

“Does he have kind of like… a hot English teacher vibe?” you quirked your head, spying a man approaching from the sidewalk and drinking him in with your eyes. Tall, brunette, clad in corduroy head to toe with a plaid sweater vest underneath. Vintage Teddy Bear F/W 1978 collection.

“Yes! He teaches sometimes! And you think he’s hot?”

Your mouth gaped even though she couldn’t see you. “No, I - I didn’t say that. I said he had the vibes of a hot teacher.”

“And how different is that from saying he’s––”

“Pen, I gotta go. Your guy’s walking in.” You put the phone away before she could pick apart what you said.

The bell on the front door rang as he came in and you stared intently at his face. If this was like the movies, he’d turn his head right then, at the perfect time, and make eye contact. He’d fall madly in love from the first look, and your work would be done. You sat at the edge of your seat, burning holes into his skull, waiting for that moment.

But alas, he never looked up from the linoleum flooring as he walked up to the counter. With a groan, you slid out of your booth and quickly hopped into the line before anyone else could claim the spot behind him.

New plan: eavesdrop, order the same coffee as him, and pretend to go for the cup at the same time. Laugh about the coincidence, how if you share the same coffee order you must certainly have a lot in common, and have him fall in love with you.

But you overheard him rattle off his order and were absolutely horrified. Black coffee, extra sugar. Like, extra, extra sugar.

You were going to need a second change of plans.

You eyed him up and down, searching for something you could approach him about. He was donning black converse under a fitted pair of dark brown corduroy trousers, with a blazer to match, and a deep green plaid vest underneath. On paper, this outfit shouldn’t work. In practice, it… really did.

A little too well, given how good he looks in it. More fashionable than a federal agent ought to be as required by dress codes, right?

“Can I help you?” you heard, and it poked the bubble of your thoughts. Your head shot up to meet his for the first time, eyes wide as heat crawled up your face.

“Uh. No ––” Shit. You didn’t even realize how long you were staring at his legs. Long, long legs. And shit, why did you say no? That was your opening to talk to him.

The man –– Spencer –– nodded his head slowly, uncomfortably, and turned away with a forced grin. He grabbed the coffee cup placed on the counter and you thought now was the time to say something. But by the time you thought of it, he’d already picked up his cup and made his way to the door.

The stupid silver bell mocked you as he left.

The first attempt left you slightly jilted, but a few days later you found yourself in need of a few grocery items. You just happened to be in his neighborhood that day, and though it was very much out of the way of your own, you didn’t plan on it being a problem. He’d never see where you lived anyways, and he’d never need to know how unlikely this chance encounter really was.

You had Penelope text you the address of his regular grocery store, and upon arrival, felt immediate concern. It was not a grocery store. It was a convenience mart slash liquor store at the corner of the street, below a building of worn apartments.

As you walked through the aisles, the only things you found were a large assortment of wines that took up half the small store space, an aisle of candy packets and chips, a section for household supplies, and one measly aisle for canned and boxed foods.

Cereal, instant noodles, soup cans, pancake mix… nothing very fresh.

Spencer seemed like a pretty scrawny guy. You now believed it might’ve been from the fact that his food choices were so off-putting that he simply didn’t eat. It wasn’t your place to be concerned, but you decided that if you ever ended up taking him out, a farmer’s market might be good for him.

You loitered around for perhaps longer than necessary. The inquisitive shop attendant asked if you need help –– as in, why are you still here, get out of my store –– and you told her you were just really conflicted on which detergent brand you needed. Finally, the man you were after arrived at the scene.

“Hi, Dolores,” he greete with a small wave. The attendant, Dolores, greets back with a positivity that she sorely lacked when talking to you. Dolores has favorites, apparently.

An unexpected panic settled in your stomach and you quickly turned back to your selection of fabric softeners. You weren’t hiding, you just didn’t want him to catch you staring again. You picked up your two props, pretending to read the labels on the back and compare the chemical formulas on each of them, when you saw him out of the corner of your eyes.

He went into the aisle in front of yours, and over the short shelves you saw the back of his head sweeping over the modest food section. He turned around to inspect the other side of the aisle, and you ducked your head even lower. It was in vain. He spotted you anyway.

You fixed your eyes even harder onto the bottles, afraid to look anywhere else. He shuffled out of his aisle and turned the corner into yours. You started sweating a little.

“Uhm. Excuse me,” he said.

“Yeah?” You looked up from your bottles, putting on your best caught-off-guard face. Like you were a girl in a movie, reading a book on the beach (not detergent labels in a liquor store) and your romantic interest just noticed how beautiful you looked doing it, deciding he had to introduce himself.

“Can you… can you move…” he asked, gesturing to the section of cleaners that you’re blocking.

Never mind.

“Oh! Yeah, sorry.” You burned up, moving out of his way. He reached for what he needed and you peeked down to inspect the contents of his basket. Organic whole wheat bread, cream of mushroom soup, and somehow, he’d managed to find the only two apples this place must carry. At least there was light at the end of the dark, dark tunnel.

He tossed a bottle of Snuggle fabric softener and you raised your brows. Given that he was “grocery shopping’’ in a three-piece suit –– a good one, too, black trousers, vest and blazer with an eggplant purple shirt and lavender tie –– you would’ve expected him to simply send his clothes out for dry cleaning.

“Snuggle, huh?” you said. He gave you a confused look. “Oh, uh. I was looking at these. Couldn’t pick between the two.” You raised your two bottles of softener; Snuggle and Tide.

You needed him to know you weren’t just saying Snuggle to insinuate that you would like to do that to him. You remembered Penelope telling you he had a degree in chemistry or some sort of science field, and asked, “Is… is that one like, more organic? I was trying to read the formulas but I don’t… I don’t recognize the chemicals,” you trailed off. You could see yourself losing his interest the more you spoke. He barely looked at you as he grabbed whatever else he needed.

“I don’t know… I just like it,” he bristled. You looked down at the bottle and flipped it over to the front. It had a drawing of a teddy bear on it. How fitting.

You go to comment on it but yet again he’d made an escape, already at the checkout counter and unloading his basket by the time you looked up again. You rolled your eyes, wondering if it’s even worth it to follow him into line and see if he sparks up a conversation this time.

You could tell that he wouldn’t. So you gave him the space to buy his items and leave.

You didn’t really need the detergent, but Dolores gave you a pointed look before you could even think about putting it back on the shelf. You ended up buying the detergent, a loaf of bread, and two packets of sweets out of guilt.

As you took the train home, digging into your packet of sour peach rings, you began to doubt if you can carry out Penelope’s request.

After two failed attempts, you were prepared to tell Penelope that this just wasn’t going to work out. You didn’t expect it to be this difficult to talk to Spencer nor did you see yourself getting closer to him anytime soon. It would be best if she just found someone else to do it.

You caught her in the hallway, leaving her apartment just as you came home from the store. It seemed like as good of a time as any to let her know how unsuccessful your escapades were going. With your tail between your legs, you approached her with the intention of breaking the plan off.

But the second she saw you, it was like she could read through you. She clocked what you were about to say and before you could, she gave you a warm hug. It was the first one you’d ever received from her, actually. And she thanked you for trying.

It didn’t make you feel guilty, per se, but it definitely made you feel weird about telling her the news. So you bit back on telling her what you were really going to say. She didn’t need to know the details of your failure, or the fact that you were seconds away from giving up on her friend.

Maybe you didn’t need to give up right away.

After all, you did only talk to the guy twice. Don’t they always say the third time’s the charm?

You left the conversation at just that –– letting her know that you’re happy to do this for her, even if you aren’t really –– and slinked back into your apartment. The list, buried under the magazines and paint tubes and half-full cups of cold coffee on your table, called for you.

If by any stroke of luck you happened to share one interest with this guy, you promised yourself to give it one more try.

According to the list, that overlapping interest was the wonderful world of Gatsby Books –– a small, locally owned bookstore residing in the heart of D.C. ’s arts district. That neighborhood was smack in the middle of your’s and Spencer’s, and it was where the gallery you showcase at was.

You’d been meaning to get down there for a while now, anyways. It really was the cutest bookstore in the world; inside it lived a white, bushy-furred cat named Gatsby, and he was always there. After all, it was his bookstore.

It wasn’t such a burden to make your visit fit Spencer’s schedule, really. And it would make Penelope happy if you did. So on Saturday afternoon, you took a lovely walk through the sunny arts district of D.C., a smile on your face and a tote in hand for all the books you were planning on hauling back.

The smell of paper and coffee greeted your nose at the door, and you practically fell into a trance, letting it lead you through the aisles of the store without much thought of where you wandered. Not that it mattered, you could’ve roamed the shelves aimlessly all day long.

In the mystery and thrillers section, you found Gatsby. He jumped down from his perch on a step stool and weaved between your legs, greeting one of his long-time regulars. He was such a good shop owner.

“Hi, Mr. Gatsby.” You smiled and bent down to give him a little head scratch when he started running off in the other direction, taunting you into following him.

He rounded the corner and came to a stop at a pair of boot-clad feet; your eyes moved up to find your favorite employee (after Gatsby, of course) restocking the shelves.

“Miles!” you whispered, but he still jumped out of his skin. He turned around, hand still over his chest, and sighed when he realized it was just you. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you,” you laughed.

“Hey, long time, no see. Back for some more recommendations?” You ‘ooh’ed at his offer.

“I was just gonna say, the ones you gave me last time were so good. I finished them in, like, a week.”

“Really?” He smiled, brows happily up his forehead. You nodded in assent. “Okay, well I’ll give you more this time, see if the list’ll last you a little longer than that.”

You grinned eagerly, following him to the shop counter where he pulled out a stack of bright green post-its and a pen.

“I’ve actually been waiting for you to come in, I already had these in mind for you,” he mumbled, scrawling across the paper quickly. He handed the note over, and it took a moment to decipher the chicken scratches.

“Okay, first you gave me Al-Shayk and Bradbury. Now you’re giving me Chaucer, Dickens, and Doyle,” you recited the note, giving him a teasing look. “Are we just going through the alphabet, Miles?” you joked.

“Honest mistake. But I’d be happy to give you all the other twenty-two letters of the alphabet if needed.”

“I might hold you to that.” You nodded, folding the post-it in your palm to prevent the sticky backing from gunking up. It’d make quite the good bookmark for later. “Thanks for these!”

“No problem, just a part of the job.”

Nonetheless, you thanked him again before disappearing back into the aisles. You found Miles’ books as well as a few of your own and nearly lost yourself in the rows of floor-to-ceiling bookshelves, until you made a turn. Standing in the middle of the next aisle was Spencer.

A week ago, he was the whole point of coming to the store. That day, you completely forgot about it, and it stopped you in your tracks to see him there. He was just standing in the middle of the walkway, staring blankly at the shelf in front of him.

“Excuse me,” you grinned, “Could you move?”

You thought it was a cute reference back to the laundry detergent fiasco, a chance for you to turn the tables, but he had no reaction to it whatsoever. His face was straight as he merely pivoted his shoulder out of your way as you reached for the book you needed; The Narrative of John Smith.

His eyes narrowed at you and his nostrils flared, and you wondered if it was called for because you grabbed the last copy they had in stock.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did you want this?” you asked, waving the book in his face. He was just standing there for so long, you didn’t think he actually wanted anything since he never picked it up.

“No,” he said coldly.

Contrary to Penelope’s review, he didn’t actually seem that warm of a person. But you smiled tightly at him, letting a forced laugh fill the stale air.

“I… I swear I’m not stalking you,” you laughed, rubbing the back of your neck. Technically it was a bit of a lie, but he didn’t need to know. It’s just something people say when they have the happy coincidence of running into a stranger so often.

“What did you say to me?” he bit. His tone was sharper than you felt like this conversation deserves.

“I mean, I’ve just been seeing you around a lot… it was, like, a joke? Like, ‘ahh watch out, I’m stalking you!’ you know?” With each second he stared you down, you felt your throat dry out, getting more flustered as you felt the need to over explain yourself.

“Maybe you should work on your comedy routine,” he barked, his voice just faintly cracking. He shoulder-checked you as he rushed out of the store in long strides and a brisk pace.

What in the absolute fuck.

You couldn’t stay in the shop for another minute. You dropped your stack of books at the counter with Miles, giving him a rushed apology for leaving them behind as you stormed out of the shop and headed in the opposite direction of where Spencer ran off to.

The air outside was now frosty as the sun disappeared behind the horizon; the wind nipped at your hot cheeks as you charged home. There weren’t enough words to quantify the anger you felt. Your mind ran rampant with how much you now hated this man.

Not only did he bite your head off for no good reason, but he publicly embarrassed you at your favorite place and had gone so far as to bruise your shoulder to make a point. And you know what? If he really wanted you out of his way, you were more than happy to leave him the hell alone for the rest of your life.

You reached into your jacket pocket for your phone and dialed Penelope.

“Hey! How are––” she cheered.

“It’s off.”

“What?”

“It’s off. I’m not dating your fucking friend.”

“What happened? I’m sure it’s just a misunderstanding––” she started in a panic. She pleaded that you overlook whatever went wrong and promised that she’d have a talk with Spencer about it. She’d try to encourage him into the direction that you need.

None of that registered in your brain, hot blood filling your ears instead of her words.

“He’s a fucking ass,” you spat. “The more I see of him, the less I like him, and… I’m pretty sure we’d rather kill each other than date at this point. So yeah, I’m done.”

☆

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