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nevenabadr · 3 years

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50 Shades of You! Tom Hiddleston X Female! Reader

Note: This is my first ever fanfiction for Tom Hiddleston. I have not written fiction for ages. English is not my first language.

Inspiration: this is inspired by:

“I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes.”

–Shakespeare, Much Ado About Nothing

Word count: 2660

Warnings: Romance, sweet words, and smut–this is +21 and not for everyone.

Enjoy reading and please comment with your feedback. 💚

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During the summer Cambridge University was having a conference "Gothic Elements In John Milton's Paradise Lost." As you the young professor of literature, the coordinate manager suggested that the University alumnus could join for not just attending, but acting a piece of the tragedy. Amongst the candidates was the Classic department graduate and famous actor, Tom Hiddleston.

You know that he might have scheduled issues or time conflicts, but you suggested the committee email him. To your surprise, he accepted the offer.

The scene of choice was casting the devil out of hell.

On the stage during the conference eve, you did not have the perfect time to watch him, but you took a glimpse of acting from far.

He even caught your show and face attending the rehearsals.

The conference day was pressuring. You were trying to get everything right, in the middle of your so-close meltdown. A voice brought you to reality, "Hello, is this professor Y/N)?"

You turned to find the British handsome alumni smiling peacefully at you. "Yes, how can I help you?"

"Indeed, I am the one offering help." As he adjusted his glasses, I asked the committee manager to take upon some errant backstage. Maybe I can assist with the front ceremony?"

"Of course," you paused for a moment, "can you help me with the dinner's seats arrangement? My assistant is absent and I have to print and arrange them myself."

"Just show me a computer and all will be done."

Both of you took your time arranging an evening missing up some seats.

"Here comes my name. You will be seated with the professors, of course!" He was busy putting name tags over the table.

"Oh! Don't remind me." You replied as if it is a conversation with an old friend and continued "the Classic department and Literature."

"They might start a war." Both of you started laughing

"I have an idea." He took a tag from his table and moved yours next to his. "Now you will be with a friend"

The presentations finished, you had to go for the gym showers to change and wear your conference and dinner dress.

By the time you arrived, the scene from the tardy was about to be played. You took your place in the front seat.

Tom was playing Satan. He noticed that you were reciting the lines with him. He even almost smiles at you. Could not hold himself from looking at you in the front row while playing the scene of...

"All is not lost; the unconquerable Will, And study of revenge, immortal hate, And courage never to submit or yield; (And what is else not to be overcome?) That glory never shall his wrath or might Extort from me to bow and sue for grace With suppliant knee and deify his power, Who from the terror of his arm so late Doubted his empire[.] (I, 106–114)"

Your facial expressions captured his eyes, the movement of your lips and then the flame of your applause.

At the dinner, he was interested to hear all about your work and writings. His eyes could not able to leave you.

By the end of the dinner, he walked you to your car, "this was lovely, thank you for tonight"

You smiled at him, "thank you for accepting our invitation."

You shake hands and opened your car door like the gentleman he is.

"Would you like to go out with me, for a coffee? Books and coffee, maybe." He did not hesitate to ask.

"I would love to. You already have my number within the conference contact information." You raised an eyebrow and smirked.

As your car drove away, he knew he was up for an adventure.

Three months later, you are happily dating and sharing sweet kisses. He suggested a film marathon. Each week one of you chose a topic.

That Saturday's topic was Russian Literature and you had to add: "or inspired by it"

"Excuse me, but Tolstoy has no comparison!" He grimaced

"Shadow and Bones, love!" You teased him, "it the Netflix adaption of the era"

"After Anna Karenina, please," he sounded like an old professor.

"Alright then, deal." You tickled him and kissed his lips softly

Both of you enjoyed Anna Karenina, however, you were crying in his arms.

"That dreadful ending."

He hugged you "Hey, Shadow and Bones will make it up to you, let me make extra popcorn." Once again, he kissed you.

He came back with popcorn that will at least survive three episodes. You snuggled between his arms.

"Look at Alexie, how he said 'Make me your villain.'"

You were swooning as a fangirl.

"I beg your pardon, I am literally a villain," he complained

Oh! I would literally," stressing upon the last word, "let him have me"

His face was irritated and you not coming close to making love made him anxious, that you might not be ready. He never inquired about you.

You caressed his tummy, "hey, a penny for your thoughts, sir." It sounded like one of the Jack the Ripper prostitutes, about which you have constantly been talking.

His voice evolved deeper and his eyes did not leave yours "your deepest sexual desire. What do you crave?"

Comparing to your age, you were nervous and inexperienced. "My life was spent between books. I..."

He did not let you continue speaking and took your lips between his drawing your body closer to him, uttering between his hot kisses "I am not just a villain" his lips made the earth move "I am a God" whispering against the sport skin of your nick " a king" his hands were moving down the same tomes his lips reached the line of your bosom whilst his hand slides prevailed touching down pussy and dug his fingers driving you till the edge.

"I want you," you whispered between your soft moans.

He neglected your cravings and maintained his rhythm, watching your complexion and closed eyes till you arched your back in awe.

You collapsed between his arms heavily breathing "that was extremely wonderful, but I need you"

He kissed your lips playfully. "you are a delicious girl, Y/N, but..."

You hashed him with a kiss that he pulled from "if your life was between books, I want you to write me your deepest desire."

"Darling, it was a series, Alexie is fictional." You wrapped your arms around his neck.

"Fictional or not, he is a man, you are paying for this."

He was deadly serious "write me your longing."

You laugh "What? Like the 50 Shades of Y/N?"

He gazed into your eyes "aiming to please and punish you, darling, avenging my honour"

The next morning when you were with your family on Sunday's lunch, he opened an email titled "50 Shades of Y/A"

The content was as follows:

"You!"

He grinned to himself and determined to show her how fiction can become real.

Your week was busy. He had signed a new contract for a mini-series and was supposed to film soon.

Not replying to your email made you nervous, even went meeting for dinner. He was quiet about it.

You checked your sent box millions of times to make sure it arrived. Still, you knew he was busy working, and you were busy with the finals coming soon.

Thursday’s dinner, nothing yet, nothing but gaggling and discussing your days and current reads.

"Darling, we did not decide this week's marathon"

He did not take his eyes off the menu "Are not you having a big family week, you should go" he was confident and calm.

Deep inside you wanted to grab his neck and jiggle him, but for the lady you are and the restaurant, you were calm.

"Wonderful!"

The dinner was over; he drove you home, kissed you goodnight.

Saturday morning, a ringing at your door. Apparently, you received a package, a big one.

You kept thinking that some books might have come early from your publisher. Unwrapping it to a surprise satin 1950 coat with Ruby red entourage and black heels.

There was also a note, she recognised the handwriting:

"Wear nothing but this for your punishment. If other pieces were found upon your body, then fear my fury and vengeance.

Love,

So, it was her version of Mr Grey. But have you ever been ready to comply with anyone?"

Suddenly, a message arrived on your phone

"Reminder, a black will pick you tonight at 8, don't disobey me, Princess."

Your heel clicked on the floor as a man dressed in an old fashion suit opened the car for you. The windows were blacked out, so you did not see where it was heading.

"Welcome, Princess," he greeted you as if you were royalty, "My master is awaiting your presence."

You took his hands. The place was carved out of one of your favourite dark fantasies, a mansion with gargoyles, dark lighting, and a vast garden.

You could not believe your eyes. Tom knew your deepest desires indeed.

But that is not the end.

The inside was as of a dark enchantment with deep red flowers and candles. The servant showed you the way to a dining room fit for a feast. Tom was not there.

"My master requires you to await his arrival." The servant bowed and left.

You were like a child been left inside her favourite toyshop. The ornaments, the lighting, and even the shapes of the food. That aesthetic you only could dream of but never reach.

"Enjoying yourself already?" You turned to find your man dressed in a black Victorian suit. His face was shaved, shorter hair, no glasses. Just all of the handsome glory.

You took a step forward "no princess, I shall come for you"

He kissed your hand and then sat on the table's head, while it sat on the opposite side and faced you away indeed.

"Are you pleased, princess?" He raised his glass of red wine.

"Yes, my Prince." You smile.

"In here, you shall address me as your king." His eyes lit with fire, and his voice was harsh.

You played along and raised an eyebrow "my king."

"This is not a game, princess, you are my prisoner"

You dined quietly, as he did not drop his eyes from you.

"Enjoying yourself?"

You flirted "deeply, my king"

He left his chair and came closer to you, his fingers left your chain so you can gaze into your eyes.

He asked, "care for a dance?"

You smiled "I would love to."

You stepped forward and took his hand to a ballroom, just for you and him, the dark king.

The following piece of music was sensual and moving.

"The coat, princess, I want to see nothing but heels on your body,"

You obeyed the king, but for a tick. When you took it off, underneath it a short emerald green strapless corset dress tight upon the curves of your body and pushed your bosoms to their glory.

He grinned and his eyes darken "looking for further punishment, I suppose?"

"Anything to please the king." You took his hand and kissed it. He did not expect it.

He turned furiously and the next song was romantic. He wrapped his arms around you once again, waltz, you sneaky woman, deserved joy before being punished.

Twirling you on the dance floor like the earth has no one but the two of you.

By the end, he carried you "to my chambers, little one"

You were nervous and anxious. What if he did not like what was underneath the dress?

He entered a candlelight room with a four-poster bed in the centre. The curtains of the bed were black and emerald.

He laid you in bed, kissing your lips and playing with your hair.

His breathing was heating against your skin.

"You won't miss that dress, will you, princess?"

He did not wait for your reply as he lifted a dagger amongst the layers of his suit and cut the corset down to the last piece of the dress.

You wore nothing else. You were lying exposed as he stood to look upon your naked curves for the first time.

You spontaneously tried to cover your bosom and private parts.

"No, do not you dare" he was angry and you could not distinguish reality from fantasy.

You throw the rest of the dress away. Hands laying by your head and he stood there for a juncture, gazing at every inch of your body.

"Turn," he ordered angrily as if the soul of Loki took over him, "I said, turn"

You nearly dropped tears "here my king"

You felt the softness of his lips upon your delicate shoulders.

Kissing the line of your spine. He knows this will work like magic. You tickle from your back, now trying to lick you, taste you, slap you.

He flipped you to face him. You were sobbing. He could hear it under your moans.

"You are not a princess, you are not a queen."

He wipes her tears from her cheek "you are a goddess and I am your slave."

You giggled between your tears, wrapping your arms around his neck "my king"

"Your, slave" As his voice became softer, he hushed you with a finger.

He kissed every inch of your body. You were playing with his short blonde locks.

"Let me worship your bosom, my goddess" he kissed, licked and played with your nipples and cupped your bosoms gently.

Kissing down till he reached your pussy, "Let me worship your temple" as he licked your clitoris.

You were moaning loader now

“Not this time, my king I want you inside me."

"Alright, as the pleasure of my goddess, I shall obey."

He adjusted his weight on you and asked, "wider for me, my goddess of beauty"

You opened for him as he enters you for the first time. You let out a loud breath "are you alright" he took your hands between his.

"Continue, my king."

He is just thrusting himself gently inside you. Your moans filling the room

"I am a villain, a king, a god, and a man"

Your hands were free to run along his back as he continued, "a man, no, a slave for my goddess"

You were moving with him and moaning louder, "my king, what else?"

Thursinting himself harder and moving with a faster pace.

"My goddess, the sculptures of beauty," between his breathing and moaning "Da Vinci would not be able to capture your grace"

You were kissing as your nail dug inside his shoulders.

His last whispers as moving himself inside your pussy which was clutching around his manhood. He moved with pace, as you rocked your lap against him

"I will live in thy heart," kissing your lips as you bite his lower lip between your steamy breath. "Die in thy lap, and be buried in thy eyes.”

He was going faster now and you were in tremendous awe and your skin was heating up with your pleasure.

"Look at me goddess" you were closing your eyes as you become close to you your orgasm "look at me," he ordered

"I love thee, Tom," you said as your pussy was clutching around his manhood and trembling underneath him. His enormous climax followed your orgasm.

You were shaking. He used his hands to keep himself from crushing you with his weight.

He rested his forehead on yours till both of you caught your breath. Gently took you between his arms as resting on his side "and I love thee, Y/N"

kissed you and as you were falling asleep, yet muttered, "I made you my villain, did not I?"

He giggles, "I beg your pardon, your God, King, and lover"

You kissed for the last time of that night and snuggle between peacefully each other's arms.

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Tag list:

@shafverani

@imsebastiansta-n

@brokenwitty

@221bshrlocked (awaiting your feedback)

@sinner-as-saint

@zemosimp05

@buckys-fairy

#marvel #fan fiction #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston x you #Loki #loki fic #Loki Smut #tom hiddleston × reader #Crimson Peak #Thor #loki laufeyson #Disney Loki #tom hiddelston x reader #tom hiddelston imagine #tom hiddleston fanfiction #tom hiddleston fandom #tom hiddleston one shot #Tom Hiddleston OneShot #Tom Hiddleston x you

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whorror-barbie · 2 years

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Horrible boss (AU! boss salesman x Accountant! fem reader) part 4

Summary: Your boss is an asshole,but you secretly like it.

Warning: profanity, inappropriate work conversation that should never happen with a boss, slight bdsm elements, Power dynamics DO NOT INTERACT IF YOU ARE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, YOU WILL BE BLOCKED, AND IF ANY OF THE WARNINGS TRIGGERS YOU, PLEASE DO NOT READ FURTHER.

A/n: Ive been having issues with my story structure being out of order,part 3 and 4, I fixed it... like what the fuck ? This shit is annoying,but hopefully it's fine on y'all's end, enjoy:)

P.s. : I wish I would of started off part 1 like this, I don't really like how I started this series so far,but it is what it is now lol...

It's been a month since that infamous drunken night, The weather is getting colder as the season is changing into fall. Work has been kinda hectic for you. Seok-woo is a straight edge, very strict kind of boss in comparison to his father. He wants things in a certain way which is not a bad thing necessarily, but he would send back documents that seems ok to you, so you had to redo them sometimes to his liking. Countless night of staying in the office late alone to finish it up, It was a cruel joke. Not to mention, the time you were whispering to Jun-ho in the meeting room, he got stern with you in front of everyone. you were so embarrassed, but also feeling the heat in your core. Something about him being mean or stern to you was a turn on, You just hope he doesn't pick up on that.

Speaking of meetings,there is one today. "Oh,great" you thought as you sit next to Jun-ho. "Can I rest my head on your shoulder? I'm kinda sleepy" asking him sweetly then you yawn. "Of course" resting your head,and shut your eyes for a second. He's admiring your state, smiling warmly at you when All of a sudden you hear a loud slam from your boss that made both of you jump. Well, so much for sleeping" Good, everyone is here" Seok-Woo says with a grin. " Now today, I'll be doing our first monthly employee evaluation, so be ready for that" he continues " I'll be calling each one of you in my office to let you know how you are doing, how you can improve,hell I might even fire you on the spot" he said with no pity.wow,he is truly the devil.

You hear your co-workers whispering, worrying about their jobs being in jeopardy. meanwhile you were admiring how handsome your boss looks in his clean Black business suit accompanied with a red tie , short hair that would dangle on his face on a occasion. "he is so hot"as you bite your lip. As you are daydreaming about him,he makes eye contact with you then you look way and pretend to cough. It's too fucking late, you're caught. " Are you ok? " Jun-ho looked worried, you nodded that you were fine. you hear your evil boss Snicker. "That's it for today, you guys are dismissed."

After organizing the financial records for about an hour or so, you take your break and talk to Gi-Hun, leaning on his desk " how's it going?" You ask him. He smiles at you " I'm doing alright,just trying to get this shit done." his head resting on his hand "I haven't talked to you for a couple of days, I'm sorry about that, I just got real busy" he looks at you with innocent eyes. " Hey, no worries you are going through a lot with your divorce,and your mom. I understand " nodding in response,you were going to say more, but you were Interrupted by hearing a woman crying loudly, she definitely got done with seeing Seok-Woo. You hear your name called from the super model secretary, of course he would have a model as secretary,no not jealous at all. "Looks like it's my turn to get yelled, let's hope he doesn't fire me " you giggle. "Just tell me if he tries anything,ok? I'll still fight him" Gi-Hun said huffing, you trying not to laugh "nah, It will be ok, I'm pretty sure" then you walk off.

You enter his office, and take a seat in front of his desk. you are so nervous right now you play with your hands to comfort yourself. "Hey,darling" looking into your soul. " Why so nervous? You are doing an excellent job as my accountant " you look so surprised even when he made you redo the documents several times. "What, really?" He nods "mhmm" in a deep tone then you see his signature charming smile. in response you cross your legs, feeling your body heat up. "I don't see too many things you need to improve upon. Although, You make constant small errors that do piss me off " he continues while looking at the report and you gulp "I'm sure you're working on that, right" he glares, clenching his jaw. " Yes sir" you bow quickly than you expected to " good, good" he praises you," oh I would like to discuss something else with you that I have been noticing" he gets up from his chair and is now leaning on his desk with his arms crossed, you see his muscles flex in his white dress shirt. The sexy images of him without his shirt is popping up. "Really mind ,not right now ok " you tell yourself.

"it seems like your mind wonders a lot when we are having our mini meetings in the morning. What are you thinking about? " Looks at you waiting for an answer. "Oh sir, I don't know what you- " he interrupts " of course you do, you look at me with those "fuck me" eyes everytime too, you think I don't notice? " he says in amusement. "I'm so sorry, sir I- I'm not trying to I-" you are fumbling your words,he's smiling raising his eye brow. "Oh, you naughty little whore " he said in a deep voice with a laugh. " What?" You look at him with Bright eyes.

He is so close to you now as you look up at him " you like it when I'm mean to you huh?" You looking at with bright eyes once again,well damn he knows " don't act all innocent now "he chuckles" for what it's worth, I would love to see you cry, that would turn me on so much " He whispering, caress your cheek. "Would you like it if I made you cry?" you nodded yes so fast with your eyes closed " mmm I would love to sexually broke a pretty thing like yourself if you allow me to." You pathetically whimper louder than expected which causes the interruption by a knock from his secretary "sir, is everything alright?" he runs through his hair "yeah" He sighs and goes back to position. " You're dismissed, sweetheart " he said like nothing ever happened, going back to sit down . You get up to leave the room,opening the door. It felt like eyes were all on you, it was only your paranoia.so you make it back to your desk, and not saying a word to anyone. Finding your playlist and press play on your phone while you work, calming down from the high. Your phone pings and you see a text message from Seok-Woo,he has never texted you before " we'll continue this conversation another time 😈~" you respond with " yes,sir 😍 " you are not coming down from your high anytime soon.

#salesman x reader #salesman imagine #gong yoo #salesman x you #squid game fanfic #squid game smut #the Salesman

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averykedavra · 3 years

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“don’t overthink it” stfu and watch me: an analysis

this card, in the beginning of the episode, sets the tone for this episode. and it makes sense! such an unofficial video, which was very last-minute, doesn’t necessarily need a ton of context. “wherever it would hypothetically make sense” is the place of this episode in the timeline.

thomas told us that, so if we take that at face value, this could possibly take place at any time in the timeline. he also told us not to overthink this. but uh. shut your fuck.

now, of course, this episode couldn’t possibly take place before the crofters episode. and since logan is shown still eating his jam, most people have reasonably assumed that this episode is chronologically right after crofters the musical. it may have been months in real life, but the tss timeline is separate, so it’s reasonable that this could be a post-crofters video.

and what would that mean? crofters the musical was released in april of 2018. deceit had been revealed two episodes prior, but lntao and the svs debacle was far yet to come. at first, this matches the video. it’s just the core four being friends! and they seem to get along a bit better than they would after pof.

but. “whenever it would make sense for this to happen,” as thomas said. does immediately post-crofters the musical really make sense? the more i looked, the more i found that it could be more complicated than that. in fact, i found some evidence that didn’t match up at all.

it’s likely that this all anecdotal evidence that doesn’t matter, and that i’m overanalyzing this and incorrect, but fuck it. it’s not that deep, but i can convince myself it is. here’s why i think this episode wasn’t that early on in the timeline, and my theory on what really happened.

my first hint was the whiteboard. patton doodles on the whiteboard while logan is talking, and it’s adorable, and i made a post listing all the things he draws. lots of puppies, hearts, and cute little smiley faces. and janus, peeking out from the side and saying “boo.”

which does make sense, technically? deceit did exist by crofters the musical. and he’s shown in a very sneaky, negative way, at least to some extent. he’s definitely not holding hands with the others. so that seems to line up. but then:

in one corner is remus, labeled “smelly.”

and that doesn’t add up. because remus hadn’t been introduced yet. remus was not canonically part of tss at this point. so how did patton know about him?

obvious answer is obvious, of course, and it’s that patton could easily know about remus before dwit. all the sides recognize him when he shows up for the first time.

logan: ah. it’s the duke.

of course, it does the beg the question why patton would include two dark sides but not the third, if there is a third, but that’s a realm of pure speculation. things still kinda seem to add up.

but they’re off just enough for me to dig deeper. why would patton, who barely knows janus canonically and long before dwit, include them on the board?

and then i saw this:

that’s a video game controller, drawn in green.

and again. could be a coincidence. but to me, it felt like a nod to the events of pof, with the video game theme and the green marker, a la his frog transformation. add that to remus and janus’ presence on the board? it’s beginning to look a bit more possible that patton knows more than he’s supposed to.

“whenever it would make sense for this to happen.” but it’s making less and less sense for this to happen when i thought it did.

could this video reasonably be after pof? it seems ridiculous, because the sides get along way better than they should after pof. shouldn’t roman and patton be feuding? shouldn’t virgil and patton be more snappish?

except this video, despite the lack of arguing, is extremely confrontational in other ways. they end up yelling by the end! all four of them! and their ideas, while not outright hostile, are still in contrast. more so than it appears at first.

virgil jokingly includes roman in his ad, while roman chooses logan, and logan chooses patton, and patton chooses virgil. virgil isn’t hostile to roman, besides calling him a nerd, and roman genuinely seems interested in talking to logan. but virgil is extremely on edge with patton, especially at the “kid” comparison, and bristles during the whole scene.

and that lines up with their current dynamic! virgil and patton are currently super tense, which started in embarrassing phases after virgil became uncomfortable with patton babying him. patton stopped calling him kiddo after that. embarrassing phases is after crofters the musical.

return of the jam? no use of the word kiddo, and tension when patton treats virgil like his son.

and! and yes, roman and patton don’t argue, but they don’t talk, either. roman doesn’t put patton in his ad. he chooses logan instead. virgil--who is on good terms with roman after pof--talks with roman, and logan works with patton but barely acknowledges him, acting like he wants to impress patton. these dynamics fit easily into the post-pof situation, or at least, a reasonable imagined consequence.

and.

roman: how does it feel to want?

a joke, maybe, a throwaway line. but it makes me think.

janus: everything has a purpose. and you're denying yours. you want that callback so bad, and it will crush you if we miss it.

selfishness versus selflessness.

thomas: i want to go to the callback... and now i want to lie to my friends, so they don't hate me for not supporting them. i’m a liar.

selfishness versus selflessness again.

thomas: i don’t know when i’m going to know what i want again.

flirting with social anxiety.

roman: i so, so badly want this. i’m desperate for it.

flirting with social anxiety.

roman: you wanted to go to that callback more than you wanted to support your friends. the blame falls to me. if you are missing that do-gooder drive, i think it's because i'm in the driver's seat. and i'm an awful driver.

putting others first.

and, uh, i’m pretty sure i see a common thread. roman mentioning “wanting” like that? roman being so focused, in the jam episode, on “giving the people what they want?” roman consumed by this narrative of give and take? roman in a car?

okay, the last one’s a stretch, but my point still stands! this fits into roman’s characterization! this episode could have been after putting others first!

and then that begs the question: where’s janus? if him and patton are friends in-timeline, why isn’t he here? well, i made a post awhile back about the sunflowers and quote in patton’s house, which i chose to believe meant it was janus’ house.

and yeah, it’s a ridiculous theory, but also? if this is post-pof, it would actually make sense for patton to be in janus’ room. or to subconsciously put reminders of janus around him. the ads are about what they want, right? what they’re comfortable with? if patton and janus are friends now, or at least on better terms, it makes sense that patton would include a hint or two of janus in his ideal scenario.

oh, and there’s one more drawing on the whiteboard i want to point out. as patton is rushing to scribble down logan’s words, more doodles are added to the whiteboard. including this:

of course, it’s hard to tell, but to me that looks like a face with swirling eyes. drawn in yellow. and maybe it’s just representing patton’s overwhelmed feelings--but maybe it references something else entirely.

my first thought? it reminds me of hypnosis or mind control. and if it’s referring to janus controlling patton, why would patton draw that? except: this is the imagination. maybe patton doesn’t control everything. maybe roman does.

roman, who after the events of pof, could reasonably believe that janus manipulated or controlled patton.

and the yellow eyes aren’t the only hint at janus! an interesting thing throughout the whole video? everyone’s extremely blunt. i can’t name a single time someone blatantly lied in the whole video. and yes, it’s super short and fluffy, but that’s still notable! the closest thing to a lie? logan’s line near the end.

patton: we have to say the thing!

thomas: oh! yes, we do! Logan?

logan: i don’t even know what you’re talking--crofters. the only jelly i will put in my belly.

cute moment, right? but logan starts to lie, then cuts himself off before he finishes the lie. like he doesn’t want someone to hear, or he isn’t allowed to lie. throughout the whole video, no one ever completes a lie.

“but,” i hear you cry, “isn’t the whole thing technically a lie? since they’re creating false realities?” well, yes, and also no. to use the series’ definition, acting is not lying, because everyone involved knows that it is a false story. this episode mirrored the am i original episode, in which creating scenarios fell under the realm of “brainstorming.”

which, again, was canonically roman’s idea. and roman’s power to do.

roman: i ask you this, thomas: allow me the chance to really prove myself! grant me full creative control!

thomas: you're my creativity. you have all the creative control.

virgil: no, he’s talking about full-on daydream mode.

the crofters episode is extremely similar to daydream mode. @limitededitionsanderssidesblog even pointed out that roman is the only side who has no animated transition between his ad and the others, showing that he is in more control of the imagination than the others are.

except logan begins the daydream sequence, not roman.

roman even acts upset about this later on, when he takes control of the brainstorm to try his own advertisement. “i’ll show you how it’s done,” he tells virgil, “like i was meant to from the start.” why was he meant to create an advertisement from the start? and then, why didn’t he? why didn’t roman start the imagination sequence?

or maybe he did, and we just didn’t realize.

every conversation the sides have with thomas is, in actuality, imaginary. thomas is sitting on his couch with his eyes closed, like janus pointed out. so there’s a certain level of suspension of disbelief that every episode starts out with. they conjure stuff, create scenarios, interject in the shape of text boxes--you just have to get used to it.

but there are these small details, if you look closely and discount the imagination factor, that don’t add up.

logan starts out the episode eating a jar of crofters jam. (disgustingly, i might add. my man cannot eat jam correctly.) he eats almost the whole thing, then shows up in the next frame with another jar of jam, uneaten.

as logan talks, patton scribbles on the board and tries to write things down. the whiteboard, like i said earlier, gains a few doodles as he continues. we don’t see him pause to doodle at all. we barely see most of the colored markers that he’s used. and he starts with a doodle-covered whiteboard, despite the ad only just starting, but seems to write everything by hand.

nobody is driving roman’s car. it backs up when roman wants it to, and accelerates when he wants it to, but he isn’t the driver.

virgil is relaxed, but he has deep, deep eyeshadow.

logan is excited when there will be more logansberry, but he just finished eating some, and he can summon more. it’s reasonable for him to be excited, but the chronology falls apart if this is close to crofters the musical.

everyone knows what everyone else did in their ad. thomas is aware of everything, but is able to call crofters and negotiate with them while not paying attention. all the sides change the scene at will. in am i original, they all participated at once, and only roman could change it back.

thomas calls crofters in like three minutes and confirms the offer. he doesn’t show up in the imaginary ads. he doesn’t try to stop them from arguing. it almost feels like he doesn’t exist at all.

and on their own, each of these can be easily explained. together, well, they probably can still be explained. but. these little inconsistencies fueled my growing theory.

this episode takes place “whenever it would make sense for it to happen.” it’s after crofters the musical, except it might not be. it’s an am-i-original-style brainstorm, except it doesn’t work the same. all the sides are friends, except they aren’t.

“whenever it would make sense for it to happen”? well, what if it didn’t happen at all?

there are so many little inconsistencies in the timeline. there are so many odd background details. there are so many questions, because if we don’t take this fluffy unimportant video at face value, it becomes harder and harder to understand it. it’s a short ad for jam. and in-universe, it makes no sense.

except it’s an exploration of imagination. it’s roman’s world. and roman, the brainstormer, the creative side, can make anything look like it really happened.

patton: you try to come up with a perfect commercial when you’ve got an extreme teen to deal with.

virgil: pat, none of that was real.

what if roman made the scenario up from the start? what if roman never had to start or end the imaginary segments because all of it was imaginary? because he was in control the whole time?

this episode makes the most sense after pof. roman may have placed swirly eyes on patton’s whiteboard. roman wanted his own jam. roman wanted a comforting, happy scenario, where all his friends got along and liked him. roman has control over the imagination.

but why would roman drag the other sides into it? they aren’t all fake, since they interact without roman there--right?

characterization is a tricky, tricky thing. and to me, none of the sides acted extremely out of character. but patton disagrees vocally with logan, logan is dorky and excited, and virgil is so confident that he reminds me of roman in points. none of those are ooc necessarily. but they’re interesting.

and this entire episode is wish fulfillment for roman, in a way. it’s all about putting up appearances. it’s about doing what the people want and making them like you. it’s about an almost too perfect video where everything ends up fine even when things slip out of control in the middle.

don’t you think that would be roman’s perfect refuge? his own jam, his own ad, and even when the sides irritate him, it all comes back to him in the end. no consequences. just roman, on his own.

because fuck it. what if roman imagined the whole fucking thing?

“whenever it would hypothetically make sense for what’s about to happen, to happen.” the episode itself comes with a justification. it isn’t really canon compliant. it doesn’t fit with the timeline. but it has echoes, echoes of the world and the universe it’s trying to forget about.

roman gets so frustrated when the other sides mess things up. he was meant to take control from the start, he says. the episode ends suddenly. the episode is short and sweet and, in a way, too good to be true.

it’s not hard to imagine roman retreating to a fake scenario after pof. going full brainstorm mode with imitations of his friends and giving himself everything he’s wanted. and i think it’s sweet and sad that he didn’t just give himself a jam. he gave all of them a jam. he made a world where all his friends were happy.

a world where all his friends were happy with him.

and i know this is basically the plot of all i want is serenity. but shut your fuck. i make canon and canon is mine for the taking.

it’s a wild theory. it’s probably not true. but given all the strange contradictions and deeper implications of this episode, it’s at least a theory i can back up with evidence. i can convince myself of it, and that’s good enough for me.

the return of the jam doesn’t take place in canon, in or out of the tss universe. it’s a fluffy side adventure in roman’s head, where he keeps everyone from lying and tones down the fighting and makes up a video where he gets what he wants. roman doesn’t need to start or end each scene. he’s directing the whole fucking play.

and where does he end up at the end of the episode? unconscious on the floor, smiling to himself, saying that he’s got his own jam.

it’s almost an identical position to dwit, when remus knocked him out. and based on roman’s sleep-talking, we know while he was unconscious, he dreamed. he can make things up in his own head. he can indulge in a fantasy or two. he can create detailed, personal brainstorms that nonetheless fall flat in important, logical ways.

i’m not saying that roman did make this whole episode as a comfort after pof. i’m not saying that he did imagine a scenario where he finally got his own jam. i’m not saying that he did imagine his friends happy, joking, and supportive. and i’m not saying that he did fail to fully imagine that, because he lost control, because he couldn’t convince himself.

i’m not saying any of that.

but i’m saying it’s a pretty fun possibility.

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katnissmellarkkk · 3 years

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Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

#thgagain #this is so long I’m sorry #also yes I’m gonna use a Jennifer gif again

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psychedellic-phase · 4 years

Text

Fifteen (pt 14)

A/N: Sorry for the delay! I’m back at college but the next, and final 2 (!!) parts will be up within two weeks! AH! Thank you all so much for reading xoxo

Word count: 6.7k

Tw: angst, cursing, vomiting, mentions of pregnancy and miscarriage

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

“When I got home from Florida the house was even emptier. During the four days I was stuck in a hotel room drowning in my own tears and the minibar, you packed up the rest of your stuff and left. At that point, most of your things were in your apartment, all you had to get was some clothes and books. I wonder how long it took you to pack it all up, pack your life with me up. Did you stare at the walls and cry? The same way I did when I packed today? Did you take your time, go through each room and remember everything we did? Did you take it all in? Admire what we could have been? Were you even a little bit sad about leaving the life we tried and failed to build together? Or were you in and out in ten minutes? Did you shove your clothes in a suitcase, the same way you did in Florida, and walk out like it was nothing? Was it easy? Was it a relief? Were you happy to leave the key, lock the door, and never have to come back?

I know I was devastated when I found it.

It was in the dish we used to put our car keys and ID tags in. It was right by the front door. It was the first thing I saw when I got home. I walked in and dropped my own keys in the dish, and to my surprise I heard them clink as they hit into yours. At first I thought that meant you were there, waiting for me. I thought you were going to emerge from the kitchen with a wide smile and I’d run into your arms. So, I called out for you, yelling like an idiot in the front doorway, but I was only met with silence. The silence that signified the absence of you. The silence I had grown comfortable floating in.

I stared at the key for a while, trying and failing to remember when I gave it to you. I feel like I gave you it pretty early on; you definitely had one before Jacksonville. But I cannot for the life of me pinpoint what day I handed you the key, with the hope that you’d always have it. The hope that my home would always be your home because we only felt at home when we were together.

That damn key, sitting in a dish from Target was your way of saying that your home was no longer my home. It was your way of saying that you were done too, and the storm I had tried to control became a full on hurricane. I was sobbing, sitting against the front door and holding onto your key like it was the life raft that could stop me from drowning.

I’d give you this key as your momento, but I had to give it back to my landlord this morning. And now I have a new set of keys waiting for me in Seattle. Keys to a home that isn’t yours; only mine.”

Spencer sat on the couch now, appreciating the softness of it in comparison to the harshness of the dishwasher and kitchen floor. The boarding pass was burning into the kitchen table, his hands sweaty and trembling as he read and remembered.

He remembered every moment after the breakup more vividly than he normally did. Usually his memories were like film strips that he had stored on a shelf in the corner of his mind. He could pick the one he needed out, kick his feet up in the theater of his mind and watch them back, popcorn in hand. But these memories were different. Memories of you were burned in. His brain was branded with them. It wasn’t a movie he could choose to play or not, it was constant, like a sad song stuck in his head, driving him insane. He never stopped thinking about it, replaying every word, regretting every moment, every yell, every item shoved in a suitcase, every raindrop, every tear stained sleeve.

He hated himself for walking out. He hated that he could leave so easily, after his whole life was plagued with people leaving him too easily. He never wanted to be that man, especially to you. He surprised himself when he grabbed the suitcase, held you tightly one last time, and got in the elevator. He was ashamed to admit that the second those steel doors closed and he could no longer see you crying in the hallway, the first thing he felt was relief. He was finally alone again.

But then he realized he was actually alone. All alone. You weren’t there waiting for him to come back anymore. You were gone, and he was alone.

The whole flight home didn’t feel real, it was like an out of body experience. He felt like a shell of a person, a hollow body merely going through the motions as the events of the last three years played in his mind. How did those people who danced in the kitchen in the daybreak’s sunlight end up here? One of you on a plane to escape the other, who was no doubt drowning themselves in mini tequila bottles and crappy room service food. How did the people who swore to love each other through everything, end up as two lonely hearts wondering why promises and hearts are so damn easy to break.

The numbness first started up there in the sky, with nothing but gray stratus clouds to keep him company. The realization hit him up there. He was wrong. He couldn’t do this alone. He couldn’t be alone. He needed you; you needed each other. He thought about asking the pilot to turn around, take him back to that island so he could save this. He could pull the blue velvet ring box out of his bag and fix everything with just a few words.

But he didn’t.

Instead, he ate airplane peanuts and tried not to cry. When they landed and took the subway out as far as it would go and walked to your house. He hadn’t even intended to go there, it just happened. He started walking and his feet brought him there without his brain having any say. He stared at the front of the house, remembering the countless times he carried you over the threshold because you couldn’t stand. He remembered how he’d decorate for Halloween in September and how the day after Thanksgiving, you’d beg him to take out the boxes of Christmas decorations. He remembered how you insisted on listening to ‘It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas,’ as he strung lights around the front porch and you made him hot chocolate.

The house he saw now was bare. There were no Christmas lights strung on the front step, like they usually would have been by December fourth. There were no statues of snowmen and no wreath. It was just a house that was so clearly devoid of any and all love.

He hadn’t thought about how the weather would be different there than in Florida, but the cold was comforting in a way. He didn’t bother changing. He stood in front of the house he no longer had any right to call his own, in flip flops, shorts, and a dress shirt. He allowed the cold air to bite at his skin until he was as numb on the outside as he was on the inside.

He unlocked the door with his key, and took his time moving around. He started at the front door, where he saw the picture of the two of you at Rossi’s and his hatred for the four walls he used to call home came back. You hadn’t changed much of the place. The ultrasound was still pinned to the fridge with a smiley face magnet. Old flowers were hanging from the wall, case files littered the table. It looked like home, it just didn’t feel like home.

He went through everything slowly, over several days. He started in the living room, where he saw the cave of blankets you’d no doubt been living in and the crack in his heart became a canyon. He should’ve been laying in those blankets with you, staring at the TV and listening to you drone on and on about how much you love Nick Miller. He hated that he wasn’t there with you. He climbed inside, in an attempt to make up for all the times he missed, and allowed the smell of you to envelope him. He dreamt of you.

When he woke up the next morning, he smelled you again and instinctively reached out to pull you close to him, but when he did his hands were met by a mass of blankets rather than your warm skin. He sighed, and went into the kitchen. There he grabbed his favorite mug from the cabinet, filled it up, and sat at the table as he read the newspaper. He imagined you next to him, bringing him the sugar bowl and laughing at the name of the obscure town on the top of the page.

“Where is Biwabik?” You’d say, pushing the sugar bowl over to him as he took two more spoonfuls.

“Minnesota,” he’d say plainly, reading about their local fireman’s bazaar.

“Oh, yeah, Biwabik, Minnesota,” You’d laugh and kiss his forehead before going upstairs to take a shower.

He finished his coffee while staring at the gray sky. He hoped it would snow, so when you came home you’d be greeted by your favorite weather.

He took a blisteringly hot shower and opened up your body wash just so he could memorize what it smelled like, just in case he never got to smell it again. The hot water defrosted his inner and outer numbness, allowing all his feelings to come to the top. The water mixed with his tears, the same way yours had with the rain. He was waiting for the day dream to end, all he wanted was to hear the sound of you opening the shower curtain, poking your head and asking, “Can I join?”

But that soothing sound never came.

He stood under the hot water until it went cold, and moved into the bedroom. He stared at the bed he used to curl up next to you in. He found it hard to even look at, considering the last time he slept in it he woke up to the sheets being stained in blood. He moved to sit on the bed, trying not to disturb the specific way you made it. He looked at the sticky note you had placed next to you. It was from him, saying ‘I went in a little early today, didn’t want to disturb you on your day off. I can’t wait to see you at 6. I love you, Love.’ He smiled, knowing you placed it there so it was the first thing that you saw when you woke up each morning. But then he remembered that you put it there because each morning you weren’t waking up next to him. This note was as close as you could get.

He looked through your drawers, smiling at the CalTech hoodie folded neatly on top. He decided to leave that one in the drawer. That way you’d always have a physical piece of him, even though you’d always have his heart.

He moved from there into the nursery. It was empty. A regular person would just think it was a green spare bedroom, but he knew. He knew which wall the crib was going to go on. He knew that the hook from the ceiling was meant for the mobile Penelope had made. He knew what should’ve been there.

Spencer spent three entire days in the house. He ate there, slept there, cried there. He felt all the feelings he’d been running from, and regretted that he hadn’t stayed with you to feel them together.

Rossi was right, the only way through this was to lean on each other. Spencer hadn’t. He leaned as far away from you as he could. He realized just how lonely that two-bedroom could feel, and he understood how you’d nearly gone crazy in there. He was there for three entire days, and felt like he aged fifty years. Somehow, he felt closer to you than he had in months, even though you were 1,074.6 miles away in a hotel room he should’ve been in too.

He talked to the moon each night, begging it to answer him. He didn’t know what to do. Should he let you go? Isn’t that the saying? ‘If you love something, let it go. If it doesn’t come back it was never yours in the first place’? Would you ever come back? Were you ever his? Was he ever really yours? Should he honor your wishes to break up? Should he pack this life up and leave without any closure? Without a proper goodbye? Or should he wait for you there? Kiss you the second you walked in the door and tell you that he was a fool, an idiot, that no one ever meant as much to him as you do? Should he fight for you?

But then he heard your voice ringing in his ears, “Don’t bother.”

“Don’t bother.”

And he didn’t. He packed his few things up, took one long, final look around with tears in his eyes, dropped his spare key in a dish, and walked home alone.

“You forgot a few things, of course. You forgot the watch. You forgot the CalTech hoodie. You forgot your favorite mug. You can tell it’s well used and well loved because there’s a permanent coffee stain in the porcelain around the top where you always let it sit because it was too hot to drink.

I gave you the mug my first day back to work. I couldn’t stand looking at it every time I opened the cupboard. I decided to be nice, give it to you as a peace offering before we started onto the uphill battle that was working together. I’d also like to consider this whole box a peace offering. I’m not mad at you. I don’t hate you. It’s the complete opposite, Spence. I love you too much to just watch you and not be with you.

Three weeks after Florida, Hotch called me in for another mandatory evaluation. And I passed. I passed because I went to the counselor. I talked to Dr. Stevens for an hour and a half every Thursday and Sunday morning. I’d go in and he’d give me a glass of water and we’d chat. Sometimes it was about work, turns out I have a lot of pent up grief from all the things I’ve seen, but usually it was about us. I think I spent at least an hour and fifteen minutes each week talking about us. I told Dr. Stevens about every memory I’ve included in these letters. I told him about all of it, from the day I realized I love you, to the day I realized that I couldn’t anymore.

It was hard, probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had to pour my heart out to someone who didn’t know me. I had to pour my heart out to someone who wasn’t you. I had to grieve the loss of a child and of a lover at once. But to my surprise, he helped. In a weird way, he seemed to understand. I know that’s just because it’s his job, he is literally trained to understand and help people with their grief, but I feel like he knew me. Not nearly the way that you did, but he knew me.”

A dark green monster formed in Spencer’s chest. The thought of another man learning about you in the way he had was enough to make his mouth taste sour. You let this other man into the most intimate parts of your brain, places only Spencer had ever gotten to go before. Did Dr. Stevens know you better than him? He couldn’t help the envy blooming in his chest at the idea. He wanted to be the person you poured yourself out to, and he had been. He wanted that back.

“I’m doing better. That’s how I passed the eval. A male grief counselor helped me through my grief, which you said wouldn’t work. And you were wrong. I must admit it gives me a little bit of joy to tell you that. For once, Spencer Reid, you were wrong. And maybe if you had just agreed to go with me, you would feel better too. If you had just agreed, we never would have had that fight. You never would have packed a suitcase and gone down an elevator alone.

I was right. For once in our lives, I was right, and you were wrong. I just wish it was about something more trivial than this.

My first day back was a Wednesday, about a month and a half ago. I was terrified. I hadn’t seen you since Florida and everyone knew what had happened. Hell, my first day back in DC after the breakup, Derek sat me down with a bottle of tequila and let me cry until the couch was underwater. I just knew it would be awkward and painful and sad. I knew that our friends would stare at us and ‘pick sides’ as if we had suddenly become enemies. I was scared to sit at my desk across from yours and have to look at you. I was scared of the feelings. I was scared of all the progress I’d made in counseling going down the toilet the second I laid eyes on you, and I was right.

I showed up that morning in my best pencil skirt and blouse and pretty red heels. I did my hair. I put on makeup. I tried to make myself look good, so then I’d feel good. I had to fake it, so you wouldn’t be able to see the real me. I caked on makeup to cover up the bags under my eyes from crying over you for weeks. I brushed my hair and strands kept falling out because my hormones changed and I couldn’t eat most nights. I wore black tights so you wouldn’t be able to see the bruises on my knees from the nights I drank and cried and ended up with my head in a toilet, knees bumping the cold tile floor; desperately wishing it was morning sickness, so you’d be close behind me, rubbing my back and taking care of me.

When I exited the elevator, everyone greeted me as usual. I got hugs from the whole team, but you didn’t budge from your desk. You were staring at a book that I know you weren’t reading because you weren’t turning the pages. You were listening to me say hi to Rossi, tell him I missed him, and I could swear eyes flicked towards me a few times when I hugged Derek. That’s probably just wishful thinking, because I wanted you to look at me. I wanted you to see me, see that I was “fine.” I wanted you to look at me because I couldn’t stop looking at you. You, who I fell in love with over these same BAU desk partitions. I saw the ghosts of me and you three years ago, young and happy, your hair curling over your eyebrow, your pursed lips, the way your tie was just slightly crooked. I saw the you I wanted. I saw the man I stared at with lovesick stars in my eyes as we filled out Hotch’s paperwork. I saw me and you and Jacksonville and Meridian Hill Park and everything that we could have been.

And I cracked.

You didn’t even have to speak to me, Spencer, and I cracked.

I dropped my bag on the floor next to my desk and ran to the bathroom to cry off the makeup. Seeing you felt like I was drowning but on fire at the same time. I swear time stopped for a moment when I exited Garcia’s hug and saw you across the BAU. And suddenly I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t remember a single coping mechanism Dr. Stevens showed me. I just stood there. Frozen. Trepidation. Regret.

I stared at myself in the shitty flourescent lights of the bathroom, tears washing away my concealer and exposing the dark bags that matched my blood shot eyes. I stared at the way my cheek bones hollowed out since I’d lost over twenty pounds. I stared at a person I didn’t recognize, and that’s when I realized that I wasn’t the same person you fell in love with over the BAU partition either. I wasn’t the chirpy girl helping you jump start your car anymore. I wasn’t the same girl who bought your mother’s favorite book just to try and impress her. I wasn’t me. You weren’t you. So how could we possibly be us?”

Hotch had called Spencer into his office that morning to tell him you would be coming back.

“Is this going to be an issue?” He said, Spencer fiddling with his thumbs in an attempt to hide from Hotch’s stare.

“No, no problem.”

Hotch knew he was lying, and Spencer knew Hotch knew he was lying, but he was nice enough to let it go.

He sat at his desk and opened that book on epicureanism with the full intention of reading it. He was going to immerse himself in that in an attempt to avoid you. But when he opened the cover, the letters all jumbled together like alphabet soup on the page. Then he heard the familiar clack of your heels, and he looked up, just for a second. He noticed how beautiful you looked, but he recognized the sadness in your body. It was the same sadness he saw in his own every morning as he struggled to find the will to move from his position in bed.

He hadn’t gone to a counselor and learned coping mechanisms, the only one he knew was avoidance, but how could he avoid you? How could he avoid the way your smell lingered even after you dropped your bag and bolted to the bathroom? How could he avoid staring at the way Derek wrapped his arms around you, wishing they were his instead? How could he avoid the persistent, twisted, aching heart in his chest? How had he managed to avoid you for so long? He saw you up close, in the place you fell in love, for just a moment and suddenly he wanted nothing more than to kiss you.

“When I got back from the bathroom, I knew you could see me. You could see the real me, the me you didn’t want.

I decided I wasn’t going to make this as painful for everyone else as it was for us, so I grabbed my bag, took the mug out and handed it to you.

“I, uh, I found this in the cabinet,” I said weakly, and you grabbed it, our fingertips just brushing each other, an action that usually sent lightning down my spine, “I know it’s your favorite one so I wanted you to have it back.”

“T-Thanks,” You cleared your throat, “I’ll go fill it up with coffee. Want one?”

I smiled through the pain, proud of myself that our first interaction went well, “Yeah, I’d like that.”

You brought me a coffee, made correctly. Cream and one sugar. I took it from you with a fake smile, trying to force back the pain in my chest.

Derek watched that entire painfully awkward interaction, and he pulled me into his office after.

”You good? That was a lot back there.”

I whined, “No. I’m not good. I’m actually very bad.”

He sighed and pulled me in for a hug, “You’ve got this. You and Reid can handle it. We all know you still love each other.”

I started to cry into his chest, just softly. I didn’t need anyone else seeing how broken I was.

“Why did I think I could do it? I should just transfer.”

That was the first time I considered it out loud. The thought had been rattling around in my head for a bit, but saying it made it real.

Derek argued, “No, you don’t need to transfer.”

“Yes I do! Hotch said as much three years ago.”

“Just focus on getting through today, okay?”

I nodded, taking three deep breaths with Derek’s arms on my shoulders, keeping me grounded.

That’s when Penelope opened the door, poking her head in and telling us it was wheels up in twenty.

“You can stay here with me,” She said, coming over to hug me.

I shook my head, wiping away my last few stray tears, “No, I’ve been gone for far too long. I’m coming back.”

She smiled, “I’m so glad you are.”

We all went on the jet, Hotch insisting he’d brief us in the air. I sat at a window seat, next to Derek and across from Hotch and Rossi. You, Alex, and JJ sat opposite from us. I could feel the tension, the passing glances, the sides being chosen, the hushed voice you spoke in so I wouldn’t hear you or even look at you. I felt like an outcast in a plane full of my favorite people.

The case was in Las Vegas. Of course my first case back had to be in your hometown. Of course it had to be in a place that felt like a second home for me.

“Morgan, Y/N, take the latest crime scene,” Hotch ordered me, and I let out a nervous sigh that was much louder than I intended. You all turned to look at me, expressions varied from pity from Hotch to annoyance from you.

Hotch looked me up and down, “Actually, Y/N come with me to the precinct.”

“I-uh-okay?” I said, feeling embarrassed and small and useless and worthless. Because while you got to look at the bodies, I got to look at sweaty Vegas cops.

He didn’t think I could handle it. No one did. None of you thought I could, and guess what? You were right.

I fell apart. That entire case I was a wreck. My brain didn’t work right. I couldn’t profile, crime scene photos made me want to cry, I could barely even look at the family members.

I was actually useless there. I was useless because of you. Because the way the files smelled reminded me of you and I had to watch you talk to Alex and JJ and not talk to me and I had to watch the way you scrunch up your nose and the way your hair falls in your eyes and you brush it away. Because you had all the answers and I had none. Because you were always everything, and I merely accompanied you. Because you’re more of an asset to them than five of me would be.

And that’s why I left.

I left because after that case you stayed back for a day and saw your mom, and usually I would’ve been there with you. I left because that flight home was empty without you, even though you weren’t even looking at me. I left because I don’t know what’d I’d do if you ever got hurt and I wasn't the one sleeping in your hospital bed with you. I left because I cannot live in a life that I shared with you anymore. I left because I love you too much to stay.

When we landed in Quantico that day, I went to the bathroom again to cry. Derek followed me but I shoved him off. I locked myself in a stall and screamed one of those silent screams when you’re too angry and frustrated to even make a noise.

I stared at myself in the mirror again. I wasn’t okay. I hadn’t accepted that part yet. I’d accepted everything else except for the fact that I was broken, and no amount of hugs from Penelope or stolen glances at you were going to fix it. The only thing that would fix it was going as far away from you as possible.

I got my transfer papers from Hotch the next day.

He argued, told me to rethink, told me to take more days off, told me that it would all get better with time.

“Reid’s reasonable,” He said, “And if it’s time–”

“No, I know that I want to transfer. You said so yourself. If it got too hard, I’d have to go. Well it’s too hard, Aaron. I have to go.”

He sighed, “What unit? I can get you a place almost anywhere. Sex crimes? Back in organized?”

I twiddled my thumbs and sighed, “LA?”

“LA?,” He shook his head and gestured for me to sit down, “Sit Y/N. We need to talk about this.”

He went on a very convincing lecture then. He almost got me to stay, but the only person who actually could’ve gotten me to stay was you. At the end he reluctantly gave me the paperwork and told me, “I hope you don’t regret this.”

I really, really, hope I don’t.

The papers sat in a file folder on my desk for three weeks, taunting me. I hadn’t gotten up the nerve to fill them out yet. I’m not sure what I was waiting for. I think maybe I was waiting for you, or maybe I was waiting for it to get better. Waiting for it to not hurt every time I looked over at you or heard you laugh with JJ. But after three weeks, I realized that was never going to happen. It was never going to stop hurting me or stop hurting you, so I filled out the papers last Thursday, and five days later Hotch told me about Seattle. I immediately accepted, and packed up my desk.

Except for this, your item for this letter, my name plate. “Y/N Y/L/N Supervisory Special Agent- Behavioral Analysis Unit” doesn’t really belong on my new desk. The nameplate reminds me of pining over you across the round table and Emily poking my shoulder and telling me ‘just go for it!’ It reminds me of sneaking into your hotel room on cases and double-cheek kisses from Rossi. It reminds me of filling out paperwork to declare our relationship, and filling out paperwork to get away from it. It reminds me of us, all of us. It reminds me of my old life. The life I’d like to leave behind, so it’s yours.”

Spencer’s fingers traced the engraved letters of your name, one by one, his mind far away recalling that case and the few days when he stayed back in Las Vegas. He saw his mom for the first time since everything happened.

The first day he visited and the nurses told him it was a good day, one of her best days in recent history. He smiled sadly, knowing that what he was about to share would make it one of the worst.

He walked into her room, every muscle tensed. Diana smiled, wrapped her arms around him warmly and the first thing she did was ask for you.

“When I heard I was getting a visit I was thrilled! Where’s Y/N? Gosh she must be big by now.”

He avoided her gaze, as if he was a child avoiding being scolded, “Y/N isn’t coming.”

“She’s not?” She asked, and Spencer immediately regretted not telling her about the last two months sooner. He kept putting it off, not quite knowing how to break his mother's heart while dealing with his own.

“No, mom, and I think you should sit down.”

“Sit? Spencer, sweetheart, what is it? You’re worrying me.”

He sat down, knee bouncing and hands fidgeting just to release some of the pent up energy inside of him, “Y/N and I, we–we broke up.”

Her eyebrows furrowed, just as his always did, lips pressed into a line, “Spencer Reid you left a pregnant girl? I raised you better than that!”

He bit his lips, not knowing exactly how to say the words that came next, “Mom, Y/N, she–“ He stopped himself, correcting himself for once, “We lost her.”

Diana’s mouth fell open slightly, “Lost the baby?”

Spencer couldn’t do much but nod, the tears he had been forcing back for weeks flooding his eyes and running over like a waterfall. His eyes were shut, the shame of it all overcoming him.

The next thing he felt were her arms around him, pulling him close as he fell apart.

“Th-there was nothing I could do, nothing anyone could do,” he choked out between ragged breaths, “I-I should’ve been able to do something! I should’ve been able to protect her and I didn’t and now—”

She cut him off, her cold hands rubbing the tears off his hot cheeks, “Sometimes things just, well they just happen.”

He nodded, “And then Y/N…”

“Spencer, how’d you let her go?”

He shrugged, wiping at his nose, “I-I don’t know. I can’t believe I left. I just—“

His voice was getting rushed and his breath was getting quick, like he was drowning in tears and regret.

“Shh, stop,” She said, hands running through his hair the same way they did when he was a boy, “You’ve already lost so much, don’t lose her too.”

When he left his mother that day he took her words to heart. He wasn’t going to lose you too, he was going to make up for those two months. When he arrived back in DC, his first stop was your house. He knocked on the door, go-bag on his shoulder. There was no answer. He knocked again. And again. And again.

You never opened up.

He was expecting you to open the door and smile at him and invite him inside, but the door stayed locked, his key to it being inside. That night he stayed on the step until one in the morning, when he begrudgingly got in his car and drove away. The next night he came back, and the next, and the next, and the next, the door always staying shut. He left each time feeling more and more defeated.

He knew you were in there, he could see your shadow appear and disappear, and every night he’d stay until the January air became too much to bear. He swore he could hear you slide down the door a few times, sitting as close back to back with him as possible.

He went every night until one day, when he was laying against the cold door, half asleep and frostbitten, Derek appeared in front of him.

“Reid,” He whispered, voice sympathetic but also stern, “You gotta stop doing this. This isn’t healthy.”

Spencer stood up, his breath visible as he spoke, “I know.”

“She isn’t going to let you in.”

“I know,” he mumbled, fixing his wool coat and starting to walk away. Derek watched him as he made his way across the snow-covered yard. He turned around and called to him.

“Morgan! Just, just tell her I’m sorry. Tell her I miss her.”

Derek nodded, opening your front door and entering the place Spencer wished he could be: with you.

“I don’t know what happened to you in Vegas, but when you came back, you were different. At work you still avoided me like I was a rat with the plague, but then every night I’d hear you knocking on my door, begging to be let in.

“I love you,” you’d say, “I take it all back.” As if you ever could.

I’d sit on the stairs that face the door, head in my hands, trying to find the willpower to keep the door closed. Then I’d see your key, sitting in the dish you put it in, and it was easy to keep the door closed, because you’re the one who shut it.

You came almost nightly for a week. I’d always look through the peephole. I’d sit with my back to the door the same way yours was. I’d wrap myself in a blanket and sleep there, as close to you as I could, but I kept the door shut.

I know it’s terrible, but part of me wishes that we never met. That instead I stayed making espresso shots in Connecticut and never went back to this life. In this wish, Dave never called me. I never saw your dopey smile and immediately fell in love. Maybe then you wouldn’t be all I think about. Maybe then you’d get out of my head, because as long as I know you, I’ll never love anyone else.

But that way of thinking is behind me. Now, I see you as a lesson I had to be taught. I learned how to love, and how I deserve to be loved. I learned how to smile and laugh and really care about someone other than myself. I learned how to grieve and appreciate my life and I learned what real, true love is. I learned about soulmates and science and how to smile so hard my cheeks hurt. I learned how to let go.

But I learned hard lessons too; like that the Beatles were wrong, love isn’t all you need. You need passion and commitment and happiness and compromise. I learned that sadness can be a greater emotion than love. I learned that heartbreak is real and sometimes the people you love more than anything in this world can hurt you. And I’m grateful to you, for every lesson you ever taught me. I’m grateful for every single second I spent with you. I’m grateful for you, Spencer Reid.

Thank you.”

“Thank you”

He could practically hear you whisper it to him.

He found it funny that you were thanking him for breaking your heart, time and time again, because all he felt was regret.

He glanced up at the clock, realizing that he needed to leave now if he had any chance of making the flight to you. He haphazardly collected the letters and all the objects you gave him from where he placed them around the apartment. He grabbed a duffle bag, stuffing it with clothes and whatever things he thought he may need. He grabbed the ring box, debating for a moment whether or not it was too much, too soon. He decided to throw caution to the wind.

What is it Morgan says? Go big or go home?

Spencer was going big, and you were coming home.

He kicked the front door closed as he left, box overflowing with papers and the ring box burning in his back pocket.

Letter fifteen would have to wait.

Part 15!

—————————

Taglist

@l0ve-0f-my-life @aperrywilliams @helloniallslovelies @random-ravings @ajwantsapancake @andiebeaword @boiled-onionrings @frnks-stuff @icantevenanymore1 @mellifluouswildbluebells @rottenearly @sammypotato67 @blushingwueen @peaxhyjaes @justanotherfangurlz @juniorgman187 @mbowles23-blog @blameitonthenight21 @goldentournesol @rainsong01 @thelifeofadumbbitch @swimmingtrashwobblersludge @youre-a-wallflower-charlie @eldahae

#criminal minds #spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid angst #spencer reid fic #matthew gray gubler #reid #mgg #cm #fifteen

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sukirichi · 3 years

Text

— 💌 ; a love letter from @kyriaan

long post below regarding broken records. cw includes adultery, physical assault, toxic relationships, broken records spoilers, and mature content

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

Okay! I finally had time to actually sit down and properly read chap 5 cause ill be damned and burned if i dont pay special attention to one of my favorite series here! Rather drown or be sting by bees slowly 😒

🙂🙂🙂🙂🙂🙃 I for the first time don't even know where to start so allow me to be all over the place cause my emotions are also all over the place with this chapter ✌️

Ill start by y/n's dad caN GO FUCK HIMSELF? Like okay sir you might have fallen in love with our mom (ill give him the benefit of the doubt regarding his feelings) BUT SIR YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN HONEST? FROM THE BEGINNING? ALSO BRUH YOU KIDDING ME??? SIR YOU LEGIT ABANDONED YOUR OTHER DAUGHTER AND THEN YOU PROCESS TO 'LEAVE US' I- YOOOOO I WOULD BITCH SLAP HIM I SWEAR!!

Also ALSO ILL SCREAM FOR THE PEOPLE IN THE BACK NO KID HAS EVER TO BE BLAMED FOR BEING BORN!! Y/n mom's line: 'we have to atone for our sins' its legit BULLSHIT it wad NOT y/n fault her DAD COULDNT KEEP HIS DICK INSIDE HIS PANTS NOR ITS Y/N FAULT THAT HER DAD CHEATED!!! ATONE FOR OUR SINS MY ASS!! the father is the one that has to take responsibility for all this shitty situation we do NOT nor any kid out there in this situation has to be taken accountable by this!!

And now Suna 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 bruh im just gonna cry... Everything he does just makes me heart swell i feel so cozy when i read his parts like how sweet and present he is I- bruh I never had that... Actually seeing y/n breaking up with him when shes clearly falling in love with him just breaks me cause Girl for real Suna would be there for you... I get it shes afraid and shes acting on that fear but girl... Pls he truly loves you deeply not everyone is like your dad. There are happy endings. There are good people Sunas one of them pls 🥺🥺🥺 also MY LOVE TSUMU BEING A SUPPORTIVE FRIEND EVEN THO SUNA GOT THE GIRL BRUH TSUMU I FUCKING LOVE YOU MY CHILDISH YET ADORABLY SMUG BOY 😭😭😭😭😭

Nagisas a bitch btw ✌️ so far i see no redemption not excuse in what she did so far. I get her reasons but that does NOT excuse her behavior. She has to lash out at her cunt of a dad not at a innocent woman who was also a victim all along. Nor even her half sister. I get her mentality behind this but doesnt excuse her behavior at all- its basically the same as being a victim from a bully and playing bully after aswell.

Overall YOU MADE ME CRY AGAIN SUKI! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS BUT ALSO UGH MY HEART SUKI!

[ from suki ]

BROKEN RECORDS IS UR FAVE SERIES??? babe pls you’re gonna me cry !! nah nah fr his dishonesty caused all this mess. YEAHA SAKLAA tbh I love mama lucy but her words of ‘atoning for their sins’ or her mindset of ‘we don’t deserve to be happy when we’ve hurt others’ really messed up YN. she was only 21 and vulnerable with all the shambles happening in her family + the sudden assault from nagisa, that when her mother said those words, she struggled to let go of it. to her, it became like a final verdict that dictated how she lived her life.

SUNA URGHHH PLEASE GIVE SUNA A CHANCE HE HAS PURE AND GOOD INTENTIONS BUT I CANT BLAME HER EITHER AHSJAKA. and the comparison of nagisa being a bully’s victim only to become the next bully is true. nagisa should lash out at their shitty excuse of a father. ALSO AAAAHH THE NEXT CHAPTER (007) IS WORSE AHSJKAAL

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 005

I know shins attractive I mean mans perfect?? Does he even have any flaw?? And the way he cried when he got his jersey MYGOD FHDHFHFJSKS but I still look at him and im like.... Hmmmm nah i wouldnt date him its just not my... Do i dare say type? Cause i dont think i have a type ghfhfisofbd but like I just 🧍‍♀️

I love him i just dont love him i guess

The makeout scene tho ill give you that 🥵🥵🥵 made me bark (i would still walk out next day like was a good fuck kita byeeee🚉🏃‍♀️💨)

... More drama regarding mari... And you said this will have like 10 chapters... And from 8 on will be angsty.... 🙂 *traumatized noises*

[ from suki ]

YUUHHH KITA IS PERFECT HERE AHSJKAA IDK MAYBE ITS MY SIMPING FOR NAOYA CONVERTED TO KITA ALREADY BEING PERFECT AS HE ALREADY IS AND I AMPED IT UP BCOS THE SIMP MODE IS ACTIVATED AHSKAA. the make out scene !! pls sir i’m on my knees spare some love in ur heart AAAAAAHHHHHH. also. i assure you. businessman! kita got game. he’s gonna make you walk funny if you give him the chance HSJKA

yeah i just finished writing the outline for track7 right now and the drama is HSJKAA it gave me a headache sobs

[ from the ask ] BROKEN RECORDS ; track 006

I want to give you my usual thoughts on the new chapter and at the same ahm...

I just saw myself on Suna... Deeply....and it kinda slapped me harder than i was expecting...there were too many things from him giving himself to mari/treating her like he wants to be treated... To deleting his best friend from social media thanks to his girlfriend... And it really hurt me ahah..

I would vent but.. Yeah

But yes this chapter i saw myself in suna and i had to take quite the long breaks cause it was getting to me 😅😅😅 also if anything i learned from my experiences is that MARI SCREAMS RED FLAGS and even Osamu can see that pls

I would honestly end Mari there, i wouldnt even bother to just retort i would walk my way into to the damn apartment and fucking take Suna for myself cause Mari does not deserve him. Shes manipulative, and in a way abusive.. Not allowing him to keep contact with his best friend his a total redflag and o know its because Suna had feelings for y/n and vice versa but Suna never gave het a reason to distrust him.

The moment he said he was best friends with y/n and was single she immediately clinged himself to him and for what? To then dump him like he was trash...

He gave himself to her, he proved he was there for her he even took her back this boy deserves the fucking world and its not Mari...

I kinda want to say it's not y/n at this point either cause the way she broke his heart was kinda the same Mari did.. Y/n disregarded his feelings and just broke it up.. Mari disregarded his feelings abd broke it up... But y/n stated from the very beginning that she would eventually break up Mari just shrugged and didn't care so i can in a way forgive y/n i cant forgive mari

Besides y/n was supportive from the beginning while Mari was obsessive and controlling.

Another really insanely well written chapter as usual (albeit this one making me ball my eyes off harder because yeah) but yes~ eagerly waiting for the next one~

Take your time tho 😌🙌

Mari can go fuck off 💗💓💞💕❣️❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤🤍💯💝💖💋💅

Suna x y/n pls

Y/n deserves to have a healthy love life with someone she loves (hence why npt Kita) and loves her back

And Suna deserve the fucking world and be treated right

[ from suki ]

NAHHHH cuz when you said suna was treating mari the way he wanted YN to treat her... that’s right. on point. they’re all so complicated sobs. MARI IS A WALKING RED FLAG THAT OSAMU CAN SMELL FROM A MILE AWAY. ALSO yes mari is manipulative and borderline possessive when it came to suna. like yeah, let’s be real, she could tell a long time ago that suna was in love with YN and it made her insecure / jealous, but the whole time, YN kept her distance. she was supportive over their relationship from afar as to make mari comfortable. suna also did everything he could to make sure she was well cared for. for three years, he was focused on her and only her. he gave love a second chance despite being brokenhearted. suna never mari a chance to doubt because he, too, was sure he could be happy with her.

until mari left him.

and now suna is back with YN because they will always have each other. but honestly,,,if we think about it, if mari never broke up with suna or at least gave him the chance to explain himself - if mari didn’t do the exact thing YN did to suna years ago - he honestly would’ve been really happy with mari. they were going well. like yeah mari has always been toxic by pushing suna’s boundaries and asking him to unfollow his own best friend on social media, but he did it anyway. because he trusted their relationship. he wanted the best for them.

also yeah, the parallels between mari and YN were intentional !!

HEHEHEHE THE KITA X YN SHIP everyone loves them im so happy about that bcos kita is so amazing in my eyes. PREACH FOR THAT THO !! SUNA DESERVES THE BEST. SUNA DESERVES TO BE TREATED RIGHT. HE DESERVES THE WORLD AND SO MUCH MORE

thank you for taking the time to send me this, kya, it means a lot to me and it motivates me to work harder on the future chapters !! <33

#asks with naoya's trophy wife #besties #series ( broken records )#tw: physical assault #tw: toxic #tw: toxic relationships #tw: adultery

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spaceorphan18 · 4 years

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Kurt Hummel Solos Ranked

Ever since I finished the Kurt Hummel Meta Series - Finding Kurt Hummel - I’ve been wanting to talk about the music a bit. Well, here we go. I have four different categories -- Solos, Duets, Small Groups Numbers, and Large Group Numbers, and I’m starting off with Solos.

Kurt didn’t have a ton of solos on the show, but that made them special when we did get one. Kurt’s solos are usually integral to his story line, and usually hold a great deal of emotion one way or an other. And while not all of them are 100% tied to his own plot - I think they all show bits and pieces of his character.

As a note - there are a few songs on here that may not initially be counted as a solo, but I’m doing so anyway -- either there’s a studio version with just his voice, or the tiny bit of someone else singing I’m kind of ignoring. For this discussion, I’m counting them as solos.

There are two songs, however, that I should mention first -- two short solos that didn’t have a studio release --

1. Pink Houses (Laryngitis, 1x18)

I still find this number quite hilarious. Kurt’s attempt at emulating his dad, and therefore singing John Mellencamp, to seem more ‘masculine’ is not only a great comedic spot, but shows us really what the opposite of who Kurt is. While, clearly, not a great song for Kurt -- we do at least get to hear Chris’s low register for once, and get a rare moment when we get to see Chris be actually comedic during a musical number -- something that didn’t happen all that often because Kurt’s musical numbers were usually serious in nature and involves a lot of crying. It’s not a great performance - but it’s a damn entertaining one.

2. Music of the Night (Choke, 3x18)

Another non-studio release for what is an extended comedic moment. Kurt’s right - his rendition of this is pretty bland, and you can tell he’s not putting forth his best effort. There’s clearly no emotional connection to the song that is a hallmark of his songs, especially his solos. That said - the scene itself is pretty entertainingly comedic -- from his ridiculous choreography, to Tina’s bored version of Christine, to the massive amount of candles on stage. The scene is a lot of fun - even if it’s not meant to be a serious performance.

So, with those out of the way....

Kurt Hummel’s Solos Ranked:

I should preface this with, these are, obviously, my own objective opinion. While I am taking into account performances and effectiveness of the song, at the end of the day, these are my own opinions, and everyone will have their own version of the list.

17. I’ll Remember (Goodbye, 3x22)

I don’t think that there are any bad Kurt solos. There are ones that I don’t think work all that well, and this is one of them. First off is the fact that I’m not a big fan of the song, originally done by Madonna. While the song does fit the moment lyrically, and I do buy Kurt singing it, the song itself isn’t that great. The performance is fine. Despite all the tears and wistful looks, it’s a bit standard of a performance that doesn’t lend itself to being all that memorable. Also, there’s the fact that this song is dedicated to all the men in the room. Ug, Glee your plot points suck sometimes.

16. Don’t Cry For Me, Argentina (Special Education, 2x09)

This is the first of a few songs on the list that are technically sung by two people, but this has a Kurt-only studio version, so it’s here as a solo. Kurt does relatively well vocally with this song. But it’s clear that it’s not his song at all. This is a Rachel song, which is made clearer as they sing it side by side as a comparison. While Kurt sings it technically and proficiently fine, he doesn’t embody the song the way Rachel does in the scene. (And that’s fine - the point is that it doesn’t fit him correctly.) Kurt is a little stiff and uncomfortable with this song, with a sense of emotion that doesn’t quite connect. And while fine for the scene that they’re doing - it lands this one low on my list.

15. I’m Still Here (Bash, 5x15)

This is Kurt’s last solo of the series, and, unfortunately, the only representative of season 5 (and 6), which is why it really pains me to put it so low on the list, but, also unfortunately, there are a lot of issues with it. First of all, at this point in the series, while old Diva Broadway numbers were his bread and butter - he had been growing past them, and while the song choice works for the story (mostly), the selection feels a little tired. Vocally, he’s proficient enough, though it lacks some of the grittiness and understanding of, say, an actual old school Broadway Diva. (I can see Rachel Berry singing this when she’s 80 a la Elaine Stritch.) The choreography is a little weird at times - but they did let Chris do the choreography of this one nearly by himself, and it shows a little.

One weird nitpick I have about this number is actually a production thing -- it’s clear that in the close ups Chris is doing better acting and giving more of an effort than he’s doing in the wide shots. It’s a weird thing to notice but between that and the tepid performance in general, it brings this one way down on the list for me.

14. Some People (Funeral, 2x21)

This one is a huge step above the others on the list, as the rest of this list is really a bunch of fantastic performances. Chris really brings it in this one (and fun fact, he helped do the choreography on this one), as Kurt’s energy is high and all of his moves here are quintessential Kurt classics. It’s like all of standard Kurt Hummel in one song, especially since it’s a classic old diva Broadway standard. While I don’t have any complaints about the performance, the reason it’s so low is for two reasons. The first one is the context -- it’s for an audition for a solo and not directly connected to any meaningful Kurt storyline. And secondly - it’s just not a favorite song of mine. But, Kurt at least gets to have a peppy and physically entertaining solo, which doesn’t happen very often, so it is worth a watch.

13. You Are The Sunshine of My Life

Honestly, the only reason this as low as it is, is because I’m not a huge fan of this song. There’s actually a lot of great things going on here. For one, this is a really sweet performance for Kurt as he sings a sentimental song for his dad. The choreography is silly, but it’s intentionally childlike as little Kurt came up with this with his dad. Kurt sounds really good when he’s in his lower register (I actually love his lower register - which isn’t complimented enough). And one thing I really like from second half of the series Kurt is that he’s less choreographed Broadway style and more reflective of the quirky weirdo that he is. And this performance is exactly that.

12. A House is Not a Home (Home, 1x16)

This is an interesting one, because there are a lot of great things going on here that bring it up the list, but a few things that very much drag it down. First of all -- it’s the first showcase in the show of something I don’t see Chris get much credit for (outside the fandom bubble). The fact that he’s able to act while sing. It’s a difficult thing that Chris does masterfully here -- it’s not easy to make a solo next to a piano visually enticing but he really sells it. Anyway - the way Kurt’s emotion bleeds through the song is perfect, it’s not too overt or too subdued. And we really feel everything Kurt is feeling in this moment. It feels real, in a way that isn’t apparent in a lot of the other characters when they sing songs (coughrachelcough). This song is a fantastic reflection of Kurt’s emotional stance, and fits into the story wonderfully.

Bringing it down... first of all, technically, Finn sings a verse of this. And while I don’t consider this at all a duet (duets, I feel, are sung together), it’s still there, and still a glaring ear-sore. (Sorry Cory.) It sticks out like a sore thumb that Finn’s voice is not suited for this material, and while I see what they were doing with the story, it’s cringey when it gets there. The other thing about this song is that it’s kind of uncomfortable to watch. Kurt sells all of his emotion, but it’s focus point is an unrequited love, and the discomfort on Finn’s face, as well as a few others, makes it not an easy watch. Still -- overall, this is a great number and a fantastic performance.

11. I’m The Greatest Star (I Am Unicorn, 3x02)

This is kind of an interesting one to talk about because there are a lot of conflicting things going on. It’s one helluva performance, it’s a terrible interpretation of the song, and it’s not a great choice of audition song for West Side Story (all of which was the point), but that doesn’t mean I don’t agree with Coach Beiste, that Kurt made the song his prison bitch. If nothing else -- this really showcases just how talented Kurt is -- not only can he act while he’s singing, he has other talents as well, such as climbing scaffolding and using sai swords. The comedic/tragic element of this song, for me, is the fact that Kurt’s trying to show off everything he’s able to do in one song -- and in effect, while being an incredible spectacle, kind of backfires for him. (If he had done this one for his NYADA audition - I would have bought Carmen Tibideaux’s remarks.) I think this is often an underrated Kurt solo due to the high level of proficiency that’s needed to pull this off -- but it’s also not the best Kurt has to offer.

10. Bring Him Home (Diva, 4x13)

This is another one of those Kurt/Rachel comparison numbers that I count as a solo because there’s Kurt-only studio version and because it’s not really sung together but side by side. What I really love about this number is that subtle delicacy that Kurt brings to the number. It’s sung with a restrained emotion that’s perfect for the number that is a pleasure to listen to when compared to the over-emoting mess that Rachel is doing next to it. The other fascinating thing I’m learning, as I do this list, is that there’s a sense of maturity about Kurt’s voice that I’m finding in the later seasons - which is really neat to listen for. My only real reason it’s as low on the list as it is - is because there’s the song holds no real weight for Kurt’s story. I kind of wish the Midnight Madness song had not been the popular number of the year thanks to Les Mis, but something more meaningful to their friendship - but ah well, for Kurt, it’s still masterfully done.

9. Le Jazz Hot (Duets, 2x04)

This is a fun number that really showcases Kurt’s talents and ability. I really love the moment at the end when he sings his entire range. Like I’m The Greatest Star and Some People, it’s a showoff number, but I think more so than those other two, Kurt really brings it extra in this one as the choreography and costume additions are incredibly inspired. It’s not his greatest vocal solo, or the most meaningful, which is why it’s a little lower on the list, but it’s quite entertaining to see Kurt push in so much on himself, especially when forced to do so by the story, and thus makes it a memorable solo.

8. I Want to Hold Your Hand (Grilled Cheesus, 2x03)

I believe with this one we’re getting into the iconic Kurt-solo territory. The show already knew that Chris was a great pretty crier, and that was used to great affect in this entire episode. The one really great thing that Kurt (and Chris in his acting) does is not over emote. He sings songs with great emotion, but it’s usually controlled and right under the surface, making it incredible compelling. (By contrast - Rachel is always over-emoting, and always giving the same kind of over emoting that feels bland the more you see it.) The fascinating thing is that Kurt draws you into his world and his pain with song, and while he’s not doing much but standing there, he is letting you get a glimpse of what is behind the guarded shield he uses so much. This is why Kurt solos are special, because they’re rare, and a rare glimpse of what’s going on in a character who blocks himself off so much from the outside world -- especially in the early years. While I just happen to like the other solos on the list more, I believe this is one of the best performances on the show.

7. Defying Gravity (Wheels, 1x09)

So. This is the last of the side-by-side comparisons that I have on the solo list. And I want to start by saying that vocally, even minus the intentionally botched note, it’s not very good. Honestly - go listen to the season 5 version, and you hear how much better a vocalist Chris became, and it’s really a treat to hear him grow into his voice. And I do think Rachel won this competition. However... there is something magical about this performance. First of all, the song is deeply resonant for Kurt (and for Chris) and that comes through clearly in the song. He embodies the emotion of the song in a way that Rachel (and I’ll argue Lea) doesn’t. The lyrics are meaningful, and are acted out superbly. And on top of that is a layer where Kurt is debating with himself as to whether or not he’s going to throw the song. The vocals might not be there, but the acting is, and the emotion is, and on that alone brings this song so high on the list. This is a character defining song if there ever was one.

6. Blackbird (Original Song, 2x16)

Do yourself a favor - go on Netflix and watch this one, the youtube version cuts off Kurt’s head, which really is a disservice to the song and the performance, but it’s the only link I could find.

First of all, I’m biased, because I really love this song. Kurt sings it beautifully, too, which helps. But really -- I think it’s an incredible story element on multiple levels. Kurt’s singing a eulogy for a dead bird, which is bizarre when written out. But this moment is perfect. It’s a moment where Kurt’s restrained emotion is channeled beautifully through song, and we see, again, an element of Kurt himself, who has been caged throughout the whole Dalton arc. So, it’s not only about the death of Pavarotti, but about the death of Kurt trying to be something he’s not - and the freedom that comes with allowing yourself to be you.

On top of that, it’s a pivotal moment in the Klaine story, where Blaine finally gets to see the raw emotion of who Kurt is, and realizes he’s in love with him. The fact that this song is so multilayered on top of a great and beautiful performance is really what makes it one of my favorites.

5. I Have Nothing (Dance With Somebody, 3x17)

This might be the most controversial choice on this list, but I’ll stand by it because it is one of my favorites. Yes, Kurt is straining to get to some of those high notes, vocally it’s a bit raw and forced. But my god, it’s one of the most stunning displays of emotion that he ever gets to do. Not only is this song about him, and the type of person he is, it’s also about love, and how Kurt expresses love.

Like so many of his best performances, there are a lot of layers going on here. Not only does it have the emotional intensity that A House is Not a Home did, but it has a razor sharp, singular focus that the other song lacks. Kurt is expressing himself, the best way that he can, to communicate to Blaine -- and the two of them have an unspoken dialogue during the song, which is really incredible. (The acting chops for both Chris and Darren here are really remarkable.) It is the most romantic performance on the list, and one of my favorite moments on the show.

4. The Boy Next Door (Choke, 3x18)

Believe it or not, this is one time I’d actually recommend the studio recording over the show performance. Despite lacking the Gold Lame Pants of Infamy, the studio version really showcases just how amazing this performance is. But anyway - unlike Carmen Tibideaux, who clearly doesn’t know our Kurt Hummel, there is nothing surface level about this performance. And unlike I’m The Greatest Star - this isn’t Kurt trying to shove everything he can do into one performance, it’s showcasing who he is as a person and a performer. Vocally, it’s fantastic, and I’m glad the later seasons allow Kurt to do more songs settled in lower registers - as that part of his vocal range is really quite beautiful. Visually, this is Kurt emulating a bit of Hugh Jackman while retaining some of his own, unique elements. This performance is truly special because it’s a time when Kurt realizes that it’s okay for him to be himself, and lets that shine through song.

3. Rose’s Turn (Laryngitis, 1x18)

Kurt’s first real big solo in the show, and it’s absolutely stunning. The fascinating thing about this one is, again, just how much is going on here. Kurt slowly gets to unravel, shaking off the expectations that he thinks society is putting on him, and blossoming into who he really is. This song is perfect for him as a character in this moment. While the vocals are a little shaky at times (I’m noticing that a lot about season 1 Kurt) the performance is not. We never really get to see Kurt be angry and gritty through song again, but I’m glad we do have this moment to show how it would go. I love everything this number chooses to be, and everything that it says about Kurt, which is why I feel it’s one of his best numbers.

2. Being Alive (Swan Song, 4x09)

There is something kind of magical about this song. And this is the reason that I find it tragic we don’t get an emotionally powerful song from Kurt after this point. (Though - after this point, we don’t get a long going individual Kurt arc either, so I suppose it makes sense.) But here’s the thing about this song... It is Kurt going inside himself, and reflecting on all the pain and heartache that his life has given him, and all the struggles he’s had in the change from child to adult, and almost unknowingly, as the song continues on, getting lost on that emotion as he reflects. It’s very hard for, I believe, for a musical number such as this to work on TV -- that relies on more action and visuals than other mediums. But as I’ve stated in all of these other entries -- Kurt (and Chris, really) is the master of reflecting all these different, conflicting emotions on his face, and making it visually compelling, even if it’s one person in a room, and nothing else going on. The emotion, the complexity, the story is all there in a performance much more mature than anything that had come before it. This is really one of the most beautiful and richly developed performances on the show, and truly one of the best that Kurt has to offer.

1. As If We Never Said Goodbye (Born This Way, 2x18)

I debated for a while which would take the top spot, and what I kept coming back around to was that while Being Alive is the most technically proficient, and deeply profound of Kurt’s solos... As If We Never Said Goodbye is the epitome Kurt’s character and story all wrapped up in one. It is his most iconic solo, and for a reason. It’s all of the emotion, vulnerability, and deeply layered story telling we get so often from Kurt Solos. It perfectly describes the journey this character has been on and where it’s going, as well as just being a fantastic performative piece. It’s helped by the fact that the show allows the whole five minute song to be sung, where we get to follow Kurt as he moves from one stage of his life to the next, again another song about coming out of his shell to reveal his true identity and what is buried in his heart. This song is why I love the character, and why I love his story. The fact that it’s subtle and refined, but having so many layers if you’re willing to look. It’s beautiful and imperfectly perfect, just like Kurt Hummel.

#finding kh #kurt hummel #kurt solos #glee #there ya go!#i'll be getting to the other categories later on this week

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uwua3 · 4 years

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your name (pt. 2)

❄️📚 tsukioka tsumugi

part 1 — part 2 — part 3

summary: you find yourself in a familiar, but at the same time, new place.

author’s note: hi, everyone! :D this is the second part of the ongoing “your name” series~ ♡ this time, from your perspective! please enjoy, have a good day !! ☆(>ω・)

word count: 1,668

You woke up.

It was like a dream, like you had brought something back. You didn’t know what, but you were now awake. As you attempted to adjust to the darkness, all was quiet in the world. Until, you realized you had no idea where you were.

You quickly sat up from an uncomfortable position, the worn sofa beneath you doing nothing to help you feel better. Two separate stacks of unfamiliar papers surrounded both your sides as a T.V. was flashing colors against your shadow. Except… it wasn’t yours, per say. You looked over the sofa at the large shadow, moving your hand to see it do the same. This was real… but, who were you? When you reached into the person’s pockets to find some sort of a phone, you were disappointed to find a vintage, rundown flip phone weighing down the palm of your hand. Great, were you some sort of old man?

Trying not to scatter all the papers onto the ground, you took a careful step off the couch before hearing a sickening crack. This explained why you could barely see, as you crouched down to make out a pair of shattered glasses. You ignored the mess, moving away to find some sort of mirror. Instead, you discovered a barely lit studio apartment with everything wrong with it. The door was closed with a stool, half the lights didn’t work properly, and a distinct smell of cup noodles came from a broken microwave.

As you kept your hand on a wall to navigate, you began picking up small details that made this place home. The heavily marked calendar on the wall decorated the space, multiple photos of what seemed like student graduations neatly framed by the front, and certificates in psychology and education gave insight on who you were living through. It wasn’t perfect by any means, but it felt like a place that made you trust the owner.

By the time you reached the bathroom door, you breathed a sigh of relief that the light didn’t cut out as you flipped the switch. When you looked into the mirror, you expected to see an aged teacher having a rough night of grading. Instead, you could see your expression form into shock at the reflection. You were… a college student? You knew that wasn’t the case considering the multiple Bachelor’s degrees, but you looked so young and old at the same time. It was like the person was physically young, but ancient from the way his hands automatically gripped the sink to keep himself up. You were looking into the eyes of a tired boy, and you could feel it in your bones that no amount of sleep could cure whatever he was going through.

You had to tear your eyes away to turn on the sink, waiting for the water to build up in your cupped palms. The water pressure was barely there, but it was what you needed to remind yourself this wasn’t a dream. For some reason, you had woken up in a random boy’s body in his no-good, terrible apartment. As you washed your face and met your reflection once again, you could sense the determination in the way his mouth formed a line. You were going to find out why you were here.

You took a moment to admire the body you were in. Although the boy seemed to carry the weight of the world upon his shoulders, he was doing rather well for himself. He had long, overgrown dark blue hair that just revealed his same-shade blue eyes. His eyes held the light of a student ready to learn, even after many years of strict academia. His features resembled one of a game protagonist, and you weren’t used to this tall height on your side. Even in just a striped shirt, you could tell he was beautiful in his own right.

“No matter what, I’ll find you again.” You said for absolutely no reason, with no one to hear except yourself—well, him. His voice didn’t take you by surprise; it was expectantly gentle and inherently kind, it was fitting to a light smile like his. You left the cramped bathroom with two goals in mind: 1. Figure out where you were, 2. Decide what to do next.

The room seemed lighter in comparison to before, meaning the sun must’ve been rising. You didn’t have to search long to find a passed-down clock by the sofa’s makeshift nightstand. The lines read it was nearing 5 A.M. as you identified an alarm was about to go off in exactly thirty minutes. Next, you were about to rummage around for any sort of geographic location before a loud car horn cut off your thoughts. Immediately snapping your head towards the opening, you saw a cracked open balcony hidden away behind a bookshelf. As you made your way through, you had no idea how you thought it was quiet. Although it was still the start of the day, you could already see a highway jam packed with automobiles going towards the big city. The buildings around you were nothing compared to the distant skyscrapers, and a realization occurred within you.

You were in Tokyo, Japan.

Before you could go watch what the T.V. was saying, a ring sounded from the flip phone. Hurrying to answer, you stood upon the balcony in an unfamiliar city you always dreamt of visiting. When you finally put the phone to your ear, you noticed how… modern urban accents were compared to your original rural one.

“Heya Tsumu-Tsumu! I knew you’d be awake, you crazy workaholic!” A loud voice made you wince as you flinched back from the sudden volume. Your silence didn’t deter—you looked at the contact—Miyoshi Kazunari as he rambled on. It was way too early for this type of energy, but you could spot college student caffeine addiction from a mile away.

“Lucky for you~,” Kazunari dragged out his vowels when he spoke. Not in a country way, but it was actually a stylistic choice all trendsetters seemed to have. “I’m also crazy! Just finished a project and I got an early morning class.” Kazunari made crying noises, and you genuinely didn’t know if they were exaggerated or he was having his midlife crisis breakdown. Too many things were running through your head, you could barely keep up with the bold personality Miyoshi Kazunari was. How the hell did a quiet person end up friends with an extrovert like Kazunari?

“And because I’m super smart, I know you’re usually grading papers or somethin’. Wanna get coffee today? I need it, bad.” Kazunari invited you to get coffee… but you barely knew your way around your own apartment, nevermind Tokyo. You were so lost in thought that Kazunari took your lack of response as a deafening “no”. A slightly awkward laugh interrupted the twenty seconds of silence, the noise suddenly much less confident than before.

“Ah… sorry, Tsumu-Tsumu. You’re probably too tired, right? You usually don’t want to go anyways, I don’t know why I asked.” Kazunari trailed off in a mumble, clearly discouraged already. Hearing this total stranger give up felt like kicking a puppy. You had no reason to agree, but you did anyway. You don’t know if it was you or “Tsumu-Tsumu” trying to reassure Kazunari.

“U-Um! No, let’s get coffee,” You paused, letting out a similar laugh that was obviously strained. “Kazunari?” It was Kazunari’s turn to be silent on the phone, before exploding into a pattern of shock and disbelief.

“KAZUNARI?! Yo, Tsumu-Tsumu! Are we suddenly BFFS now or what?! You’ve never called me by my first name before, you must be real sleepy!” Kazunari teased, but you could pick up on his revived energy and excitement about the day now. You responded with a laugh once again to show you were listening, and Kazunari took it as a sign to drop the sudden lack of honorifics between you two. As Kazunari said he’d message you the address of the “hottest cafe right now in all of Japan”, you mentally beat yourself up over the slip of tongue.

This Tsumu-Tsumu guy didn’t seem like the type to just call people by their first names. You hoped this wouldn’t severely affect anything for him in the long run. When Kazunari told you to be there by 7:30 A.M., he hung up and an instant message came with a winky emoticon and star symbol. The quiet finally gave you enough time to process everything that just happened.

You had agreed to meet a total stranger—well, to you—at a random cafe in the middle of the biggest city in Japan. You didn’t even know your own name. Staring out at the city you would soon find yourself in, you headed back inside and shut off the T.V. without another word. It was time to get ready and somehow figure out a way to get to… you checked the address again, Omi's House.

You checked the calendar from before and saw neat kanji of a name that felt familiar. “Tsukioka Tsumugi.” You read out loud, subconsciously tracing the characters with your finger. It felt right, you had no doubt it was this person’s name. You were quick to relax when you noticed Friday was the one day Tsumugi had off out of the entire week. You felt pitiful at how the one column of Fridays were being crowded by filled blocks of events, part-time gigs, and more work. When could Tsumugi just get a coffee?

Maybe, meeting Kazunari was a good thing. You found a brown peacoat hanging on the knob of the door and slipped it on. You said goodbye to an empty apartment, and left with no clue where you were going. All you had was a ripped bag and a newfound spark to your eyes.

You were Tsukioka Tsumugi, a random boy in Tokyo, and you were going to make the most of it.

#tsukioka tsumugi #tsumugi tsukioka #a3! act! addict! actors!#a3!#act! addict! actors!#a3! actor training game #mankai a3!#mankai company #a3! x reader #a3 x reader #tsumugi x reader #a3! tsumugi #a3 tsumugi

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aseriesofvariousevents · 3 years

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Earthsinger Chronicles

I started reading this series after I got an ARC of Requiem of Silence on NetGalley, and I am so thankful that I have been lucky enough to read this series. The world was totally captivating and each story introduced more and more amazing and complex characters. Truly a great read from start to finish.

It took a moment for me to get invested in the story, but once I got invested, I got very invested. Earthsong was an interesting magic concept, but more so than it being interesting in it of itself, the complex prejudices and societal interactions surrounding the concept took the story to the next level. Jasminda was a fantastic central protagonist and watching her grow throughout the story alongside Jack was really cute, though a bit insta-lovey for me at times, since I couldn't really get a good grasp on the timeline. Ella and Benn may have actually been my favorite part of the story (other than the collected folktales at the beginning of each chapter) since their arcs were simultaneously very independent from one another while their love for each other was still a perpetual factor below the surface. The religion in this world being tied to physical beings made for complicated interactions between characters, but felt a bit underdeveloped at times. Overall, this was a great start to the series and, despite my slow start, I'm looking forward to reading the rest of the series.

Favorite Quote: A warrior who fights for peace is like a man leaving the shore to climb a hill so he may better view the ocean.

With sequels, there can sometimes be some worry as to whether or not it will live up to the first book, but this book did not disappoint. I loved all of the characters (especially Zeli) and their stories were intertwined in such complex ways while still having their own merit independently of one another. Kyara and Darvyn had such an interesting relationship progression and the dynamic of Nethersong vs. Earthsong was fascinating. I loved getting to spend time in Lagrimar instead of Elsira, and I appreciated the effort that was put into making it a distinct country with vastly different politics and beliefs. I loved that the story was told in-parallel with the first novel because you got to see a totally different side of the events that had taken place. Overall, I'm really excited to finish this series.

Favorite Quote: These words we speak: truth, lies, good, evil, they are merely sounds on the breath.

I started off unsure as to how I felt about this book, but by the end, I was totally obsessed. At first, the switching POVs between so many characters was a little jarring and made the story feel disjointed, but the interconnectedness of the old and new characters' stories made for a really compelling story. I was wary of giving Lizvette a redemption arc, but she and Tai totally won me over. Ella and Benn were welcome as always, but it was Darvyn's story (especially toward the very end) that was the most compelling. His frustration with Oola and people he had known his whole life was really impactful to read and he was just overall my favorite. The political stakes in this book were way elevated and I'm really looking forward to seeing how they are all going to play out in the final book in the series.

Favorite Quote: But cocoons were meant to be escaped. A shelter, too long occupied, becomes a tomb.

This was honestly the perfect conclusion to the series. It was so bittersweet and I may or may not have cried multiple times throughout, but it was also filled to the brim with hopefulness. Zeli and Varten allowed each other to grow in ways neither of them expected and it was really heartwarming to read their stories. Kyara and Jasminda are always welcome narrators, and it was really fascinating to learn more about Oola's and Eero's family dynamics. The political atmosphere of this story was fraught with tension, and the ending didn't perfectly resolve everything but instead made it seem very real. I was in love with the story from the first to the last page and I thought this was the strongest book in the series. L. Penelope created such an amazing series and ended it in such a satisfying way.

Favorite Quote: I have waited lifetimes for you. This cost is nothing in comparison.

The Earthsinger Chronicles were honestly one of the best fantasy series I read this year. It took me a little bit to get into the first book, but once I did, I was hooked for the rest of the series. Everything in the series, from the characters to the countries to the magic, was so well thought out to the point where I felt like I was right there with the characters. If you’re looking for a compelling fantasy series with a fantastic cast of characters, look no further.

Rating: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Books in Series: Song of Blood & Stone; Whispers of Shadow & Flame; Cry of Metal & Bone; Requiem of Silence

Author: L. Penelope

Note: I received Requiem of Silence as an ARC through NetGalley.

#earthsinger chronicles #song of blood & stone #whispers of shadow & flame #cry of metal & bone #requiem of silence #l. penelope #five stars #netgalley #arc #certified nora review

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arcaneranger · 4 years

Text

Final Thoughts - 2019 Long Shows

Dear Lord. This is where all the good shows went.

2019 was absolutely awful on a season-by-season basis (except for Summer, anyway), but that’s mostly because most of the best shows ran longer than what has become the industry norm of a single season. And indeed, heading into the new decade, we seem to be seeing a major renaissance for two- or split-cour shows, given the massive success seen by shows like My Hero Academia, Food Wars, and Haikyuu!!..particularly in comparison to the new perpetual-runners Black Clover (which, despite running for over two straight years now, is still not the most popular show of Fall 2017 by viewer count on MAL, and sits at a ‘meh’ 7.2), and even worse, Boruto: Naruto Next Generations, which is faring even worse on both counts even though it premiered two whole seasons earlier and the fact that it is the sequel to Naruto.

As a reminder of my rules, the shows on this list may or may not have premiered in 2019, but they finished airing this year. The split-cour rule (stating that I judge any show that “finishes” and then premieres a “new season” within six months) didn’t come into play for any 2018 shows, but it will for Ascendance of a Bookworm and Food Wars this year, at the very least.

With that being said! 25 shows running longer than thirteen episodes finished airing this year after being simulcast, and of those…

I skipped 6:

Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure Part V: Golden Wind, Fairy Tail Final Series, A Certain Magical Index III, Ace Attorney Season 2 and Cardfight Vanguard (2018) because I either dropped or have not finished their previous (also long-running) seasons.

Yu-Gi-Oh VRAINS because the simulcast started late and also it was bad.

I Dropped 8:

Worst Long Show of 2019: The Rising of the Shield Hero

It’s always fun to see that a show you hated from its first episode only gets more and more distasteful afterwards, but it’s less fun when a service you have to promote because they’re the legal option is forced to shove it down your throat because they had a hand in making it and it became a massive hit that your friends don’t see any issue with because the author wrote a story that justifies its hero’s patronage of the slave industry. This is my punishment for watching the whole first season of The Asterisk War before I knew better.

YU-NO: A girl who chants love at the bound of this world

A confusing mess from the word go, this ill-fated adaptation of a visual novel from the nineties seems like it was mostly made to cash in on the popularity of the Science Adventure series, but failed to present itself in a way that made an ounce of sense or looked remotely interesting.

Fairy Gone

Am I really the only one that saw potential here? I mean yes, it ended up a boring slog that didn’t care to move its plot in a meaningful direction, but the first episode was at least cool. I guess Izetta: The Last Witch should have taught me better.

We Never Learn

I know that I’m in the minority in terms of the male demographic for shows like this, but honestly, how are bland harem shows still this easy to market? A copy-pasted protagonist with copy-pasted waifus drag down what could be an interesting setup for a story.

Karakuri Circus

The first episode of this one had me excited, the second and third left me bored to tears and wondering if it would continue to look uglier by the minute. I haven’t seen a three-cour show look this janky since Knight in the Area.

Radiant

Having heard good things about this show from my cohorts, I do feel bad for saying I’ll probably never return to Radiant, but when you have a show that’s notably written by a European author...and it turns out to be a frustratingly standard shounen affair with middling production values, well, you can see my earlier annoyance with Cannon Busters.

Ensemble Stars

This one still gets to me. It almost looked like a male-idol show I would finally be able to get behind, what with its rebellious attitude and oddball setting...that is, until the setting got to be too unbelievable and the show began drowning its audience in side-characters because they had to squeeze every husbando from the mobile game into the story, and it all began to resemble UtaPri a little too much...but without the production value.

Boogiepop and Others

This was a hard drop, honestly. I spent a lot of time trying to figure out how I felt four episodes in, before concluding that I was bored and not particularly invested, two things that should never describe the experience of watching a Madhouse show. The fact that this was the project responsible for ruining One Punch Man only made it worse. There’s a slow burn, and then there’s walking away without turning the stove on.

And I Finished 11 (holy crap that’s like three hundred episodes just on their own).

That Time I Was Reincarnated as a Slime (5/10 & 1/10)

I’ll be honest, I had forgotten just how livid I was with the ending (and especially the sad excuse of a recap episode) of Slimesekai, and reading back through my write-up of it, it’s certainly coming back to me. While this year had bigger demons to fight (Shield Hero), the bad taste that Slime left me with hasn’t really faded, and the wasted premise bugs me to this day.

Hinomaru Sumo (7/10)

What Hinomaru lacked in production value, it happily made up for in good execution and earnest heart. I can’t believe this came from the same studio as Conception, Try Knights and 7Seeds, but if they can only get out one good show a year, I’m glad that we got one bringing attention to a sport that many will joke about but few understand, respect and appreciate.

Kono Oto Tomare (7/10)

Speaking of giving love to traditional Japanese culture, here’s a decent-if-unoriginal show about a local high school koto club down on their luck, and the troubled teens coming together under a scrappy protagonist to bring it back to life. Kono Oto Tomare doesn’t have much that you haven’t seen before, but a decently-executed club drama with Your Lie In April-inspired musical performances is more than enough to keep me interested, and since Forest of Piano kinda crashed and burned under the weight of its own self-importance this year, it was nice to have an alternative.

MIX: Meisei Story (8/10)

It’s hard to judge MIX next to the other shows on this list because it’s almost too old-school for its own good, revelling in an eighties storytelling style that didn’t end up jiving with a wide audience this year. But at the same time, its fun character dynamics (and a very good dub from Funimation, despite them saying they’d never touch sports anime again) were very entertaining to watch, even if it didn’t focus as much on the sport it was supposedly about as much as I’d have liked.

Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba (8/10)

I fully admit that I’m very salty about the fact that this won Show of the Decade in Funimation’s poll while it was still on and I thought there were hundreds of more deserving shows, but I can’t deny that Demon Slayer was a very enjoyable experience, albeit one that I had notable problems with. That’s not gonna stop me from getting mad when it sweeps the Anime Awards in a few weeks, though.

Fire Force (8/10)

I was very afraid that David Productions wouldn’t be able to match the energy of Studio Bones’ adaptation of Ohkubo’s previous work, Soul Eater, but I was happy to be proven wrong. Even if the last few episodes contained a bit too much infodumping, it was all sandwiched between jaw-dropping fight scenes that proved that the people who make Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure can still handle the reins of a more traditional action show.

Fruits Basket 1st Season (8/10)

I know that my score for this one is a bit lower than others, but I think that Fruits Basket did pretty well in its first season, considering that it was largely spent setting up future storylines and adapting the part of the manga we’d all seen before, but with much higher production value. I’ve been familiar with this part of the story for over a decade, and the scene with Tohru and Kyo (you know the one) still made me cry. Now, we get the real plot going.

Dr Stone (9/10)

A great start to a totally new spin on shounen, Dr Stone gives me hope for survival in the post-Shokugeki world in which we’ll soon live, as a show that wears its research on its sleeve. A complex plot weaving interesting characters in and out of a narrative surrounding a philosophical battle where both sides actually do have fair points (even if one of them is going about it in a pretty cruel manner). More please.

Vinland Saga (9/10)

Once again, a great start to what will hopefully be years of quality storytelling, Vinland Saga made it seem like it was dragging in the middle only to reveal just what its slow burn had been leading up to, with twist-heavy storytelling and a fantastic cast to match the high visual quality of its brutal battles.

Run With the Wind (9/10)

It’s not often that Production I.G. gets to make a complete, fully-realized show anymore, and this one was a glorious reminder of the potential of the studio in the TV space, and a great rebound for the director of Joker Game. It’s gorgeous to look at, the cast is wonderful, and the story is both realistic and idealistic in a satisfying balance. It’s a miserable process to get to the finish line in real life, but sitting back and watching this was nothing but a treat. At least, until a minor fumble at the end.

Best Long Show of 2019: Dororo (9/10)

Speaking of complete stories, Tezuka Productions and MAPPA teamed up for a breathtaking adaptation of an underappreciated Tezuka classic that expands upon the story in exactly the right way to create a thrilling, savage, beautiful masterpiece that focuses a laser-sharp eye into the relationship between two characters in their journey to, literally and figuratively, become complete people. Also, that opening was killer.

And that’s it! That’s the fun list. Next comes the painful one. Stay tuned for the trash heap.

#final thoughts #year end anime list #long 2019 #dororo #demon slayer #Fruits Basket #vinland saga #run with the wind #Dr Stone #rising of the shield hero #fire force #kono oto tomare!#mix meisei story #hinomaru sumo #hinomaru zumou #that time i got reincarnated as a slime #tensura

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crossroadsfossil · 3 years

Note

Fake titles!!!

"Giving matches to paper dolls"

"Making wishes out of Airplanes"

"For wheat is still wheat when mistaken for grass at a distance."

" you've got time to grow"

"Letters to myself"

"I begged god to spare you, 10yrs later he got the memo and knocked my front teeth."

-im sorry this^ title is so long-

"You and have a long walk home."

"We decided not to cry."

send me a made-up fic title and i'll tell you what i would write to go with it

"Giving matches to paper dolls"

OTGW fic.

When Wirt was finished with high school, he decided to take a gap year, encouraged by his stepdad, who also offered to help fix up an old car. Wirt chose a moped.

His stepfather held up a hand when Wirt wheeled the moped into the garage. Wirt stopped and waited, his stepfather massaging the bridge of his nose before turning around and entering the house. Less than three minutes later he returned with a photo album, an almost manic grin on his face. Wirt ended up learning a lot about his stepfather’s own gap year, and his moped. His stepfather suggested he go south.

Looking back on it, Wirt realized that was probably not a great choice. He might not have ended up going through the kudzu covered wall in the rain and ending up nursing what he hoped wasn’t a broken ankle.

The woods were dark, and oh so familiar.

plot: return to The Beyond. World hopping Wirt and Greg. Eventual Beast Wirt.

"Making wishes out of Airplanes"

Plot: The thing about living in large cities was that light pollution drowned out all stars. The heavens could be raining down wish bearing stars and no one in the city or its suburbs would be able to see them.

That’s alright. Izuku was used to taking terrible situations and transmuting them into success like an alchemist of old. He did it when he was young, he would do it again.

He just hadn’t counted on Tomura being sent back in time with him.

"For wheat is still wheat when mistaken for grass at a distance."

Inko Midoriya could once move mountains. If you gave her enough time and a spoon, she would show you a new valley where it used to be. Marriage and the birth of her son had provided her the opportunity to retire - something she took with both hands and would refuse to give up.

Or it had been until she had seen what Izuku was being sent into, what even the top ten couldn’t prevent from happening to her son. She was... disappointed. She had expected more of them and, well. There were few things that could prompt her into leaving retirement. Izuku was always one of them, and when he asked how to save a person, well.

She pulled out the small black book with her cyphered contact list and began to call in favors and upon old friends.

" you've got time to grow"

One of the first things he was told after being taken in by the commission was that he was to be called Hawks. Which was fine. He liked it. It sounded cool. It sounded badass.

The second thing he was told was that he was being placed in a home. A pair of foster parents, carefully vetted. His mom had always told him to slow down, to not go as fast. Clearly, he didn’t listen to her. He didn’t regret it. Now, now he was forced to slow down. Bandages pulling at his back and shoulders, the echoing pain dulled by creams and medication. That wouldn’t stop him normally but the driveway that was half a kilometer to the road hindered him. The fact that the nearest town was an hour's drive beyond that was another factor. Until his wings grew back, if they grew back, he was stuck at his parent’s retirement home.

“Hawks, honey, the farmhands are almost here.” His mother said, phone in hand. “Your mom says they picked up lunch on the way back. From the glee in her voice, I think she got several buckets. I swear.” She sighed fondly and left. Minutes later he heard the front door open, and the tromping in of several sets of feet. With a sigh, he got up and limped down to the dining area.

At the threshold, he froze, seeing people he didn’t want to ever see again, and especially not with his mothers in the same room.

“Hawks.” Spinner said, surprise written over his face. The heads of the rest of the league snapped hard toward him, surprise and creeping dread over everyone’s face.

"Letters to myself"

If Phalnex could have written a letter to his past self, he would have encouraged another post. Any post. Any position would have been better than where he was currently. Yes, there were benefits but he would not consider this one of them.

A large feline purred as he entered the hanger. It was the largest of the lions- that was what the humans were calling them. He wasn’t sure what their fascination with comparing wildlife to creatures they had on their homeworld. He saw where they drew the comparisons, but still.

“Oh thank fuck.” A familiar voice said. His ears swiveled to pinpoint where the holder of the voice was and he spotted her held between the lion’s front two paws.

“Vin.” He greeted. The Midoan smacked the paws until they loosened enough for her to wiggle out from between them. She offered him a sympathetic look as she sped by him. As soon as she cleared the door, he was being picked up, scruffed as if he was a kit.

Gods, he couldn’t wait until that pilot returned. This lion was ungodly clingy without him.

"I begged god to spare you, 10yrs later he got the memo and knocked my front teeth."-im sorry this^ title is so long-

This would actually be a series, a trilogy to be exact. Age/roleswap.

I begged god to spare you, -

If there was one thing Izuka was worried about, it was this year’s UA internships. Tokoyami was doing his best to reassure him, but even the antics of darkshadow (who was doing her best to imitate an overly fluffy utahraptor) weren’t easing the twisting in his stomach. Something felt wrong. He wasn’t sure what it was, but when the interns had left with his sidekicks, something trilled at him to go with them, even though Recovery Girl had assured him that between herself, Apex and Ravine, they would be fine. There was a knock and then Ochako stuck her head in. She had that look she got when dealing with Bakugo and paperwork in the same room- a mix of exhausted and simmering annoyance.

“Guess who found trouble?” She said. Izuku groaned and let his head thump the table.

10yrs later he got the memo -

The two children before him were pale-haired, short, and one of them was looking at Izuku like he dared the hero to come closer. Toshi was letting Recovery Girl look over his arm, inspecting her work before moving on to Enji. The fire-user was giving a glare towards Toshi that, were his flames capable of shooting from his eyes, his classmate would be ash already.

The smaller of the two children clung to, what Izuku assumed was his older brother. Both were too skinny, and the smaller (younger?) of the two looked several minutes away from toppling over.

“I’m Izuku.” Midoriya greeted. The kid that bit Toshi snarled and reached out a hand, only for it to be grabbed and pulled away.

“Shigaraki.” The smaller sibling interrupted, shooting his brother a look. A silent conversation passed between them, and Izuku let them. No one knew what their quirks were, but judging by the fact that the yakuza had them, he was sure it was powerful and dangerous. Worst case scenario, he asked for Miss Eri and got Tenko in here to provide a pep-talk.

and knocked my front teeth. -

“Babysitting?” Touya asked, dropping his bag and removing his shoes. Tenko nodded. Around him, there was what appeared to be the entirety of Tenko’s comic collection. One child was eagerly engrossed, chattering excitedly at his brother. The brother glared at everyone, tracking their movements. He hoped Tenko had told his boss that he wasn’t keeping the brats overnight. Being roommates with a hero-ling was one thing. Being dragged into a literary trope was another, and as much as he enjoyed his college courses on such books, he didn’t want to live one.

Tenko got up and pulled Touya into the hallway, just far enough that they could talk but not far enough that Tenko couldn’t lean back and keep an eye on them.

“Midoriya-san is working on placement, but well. He was of the opinion that our apartment was the safest place for him. The yakuza are after them.”

Touya snorted. Of course Tenko got dragged into this.

“Well, Deku isn’t wrong. We’ve got what, four heroes and an almost doctor here? If Himiko can make it, we can add one spy to the list.”

“She’s not a spy.”

“Uh-huh. And Iguchi hasn’t adopted half his class.” Tenko opened his mouth to negate that statement but a pale-haired child peered around the corner.

“Who’s a spy?” of course that was what interested the angry child.

"You and I have a long walk home."

This would be a FMA fic, mostly because I want to just have shenanigans as Ed and Al get kicked off a train and have to walk back. Post the end of the series and they go through a town they’ve been through before. Very soft and very sweet. Some Teacher!Edward and alphonse getting to do a lot of things he couldn’t the first time around, like pet all the barn cats and fondle the freshly washed wool and being buried in cuddly sheep.

"We decided not to cry."

"The tears of a mermaid.” Ginko set the small bottle on the witch’s desk. She picked it up, tilting it before leveling a skeptical glare at him.

“These certainly aren’t.” She set the bottle down, but stopped him as he went to put them back in his pack.

“It doesn’t mean I don’t want them. I do want the story. What happened to the real tears?”

Ginko smiled, sitting down. The witch leaned over and lit another stick of incense. He voiced his thanks before launching into the story.

plot: mushishi episode basically. Will contain mermaids, mer-other things, and some potential murder.

#dashboard games #Vin Robles #BNHA fic #FMA fic #Well ideas at least.#dadzawa adopt dabi #Mailbox

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 4 years

Text

“SHOULD I TRY”

Gilly Lopez x Reader

Serie Index. Chapter 3.

Word count: 2.7k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @starrynite7114 💘

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. English isn’t my first language, I’m sorry if I have some mistakes with grammar. The gif isn't mine.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @chibsytelford @mara-mpou @dazzledamazon @sammskellington @arvedua 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

You're nervous.

Gilly is holding your hand, carrying a cardboard bag in the other. You're about to sweat with every step you walk through the alley, on your way to the clubhouse. You look at him, biting your inner lip when you stopped walking. He turns at you with a raised eyebrow. Looking down for a second, you sigh.

“What's up?”

“What if I don't fit in?”

You have your own demons, a past that you wanna hide but sooner or later it will come out. It's not only about what they expected of you, or if you're good enough. It's about your shadow and what it has to say about you.

“Baby, they already love you. You don't have anything to worry about.”

“They're your family.”

“Are you more concerned about them being my family than about what they do?” Gilly laughs loud, you frown upset releasing his hand. “Cariño, come here”.

He pushes you next to his body, holding your waist between his hands. Rising up on your tiptoes and your fingers tangled in his shirt, you kiss him softly. He knows how to calm you down, with that peace only he can transmit to you.

“Shit, I ruin your lipstick”.

“Are you fuckin' serious?” You shout taking the phone of your pocket to see your reflection on the screen.

“Of course not. You're using that one I hate, 'cause it doesn't leave any mark”. He's laughing and you know you can't be upset with him, when he has that kind of smile on his face. He makes you melt every time he laughs so naturally. “Everything is gonna be ok, baby.”

You're not sure about that, but his kiss on your temple relaxed you. With an arm on your shoulders, you two finally arrive to the front yard. It's been three months since you were there last, but seems that everything is the same. You can see Angel taking care of the barbecue near the ring, with a big table full of different types of meat. Some of the guys are sitting around the bonfire accompanied by girls you supposed are from Vicky's place. Gilly told you about them. Good girls, bad life. They're drinking, smoking, laughing, focused on a conversation which is finished when they see you.

“Pretty girl is here!” Coco shouts getting up, walking next to you. “What's up, soldier?”

“Hey”. You say a little bit shy.

“What's that, ah?” He takes the bag in your hand, looking inside.

“Oh, ahm… Gilly told me… Bishop? Is that?” You ask to him, trying to remember all the names. He nods with a soft smile. “Yeah, Gilly told me that Bishop likes to dip the meat. And I made a sauce my mom showed me”.

“Well, lets see what he have to say about it”.

“No, no, wait!” Before you can say anything else, Coco already given him the sauce. Bishop looks at you with a serious gesture on his face. “Shit”. You sigh rubbing your nose.

“He will like it”. Gilly tries to calm you down, while the president walks towards Angel to asks him for a piece of meat.

With the plastic pot on the table, he dips it before eat it. He seems thoughtful, tasting every ingredient of the sauce. Then, you can see how he makes a gesture with the right hand calling someone. An older man walks next to him, while the president dips another piece to offer it to him. He eats it without asking. Gilly is trying to contain his laughs, 'cause he knows what they're doing. You're trembling as fuck.

“Gilly, they're coming”. You mutter at him without turning, with your whole body tensed.

You're about to hide behind your boyfriend when both men stand up in front of you, but you can't move a single inch.

“You made it?” The unknown man is the first one to talk. You nod remarkably nervous. Your hands are sweating.

“My mom… was living in Spain… The sauce is from there”.

“Garlic and oil?” Bishop asks.

“Lemon and salt. It's similar to mayonnaise”. After some seconds in silence, Gilly is who answers.

“Relax, pretty girl. It's fucking awesome, thanks for making it”. Bishop starts to laugh, as Taza does. “Welcome to the clubhouse. You wanna beer?”

“Yes… Sure…”

━━━━━━ ﹅ ━━━━━━

Thirty minutes later you almost feel like you're at home, it has its good things and its bad things. But you like it. You have a burger between your fingers, having a bite of it, while you're listening to funny stories about Gilly that Coco and Creeper are telling. He's ashamed, but at least you're calmer than before. They don't look as the assholes you thought they were gonna be. Men having fun, that's all; enjoying a family dinner.

“So, you work at a preschool?” Gilly seems alleviated when Riz changes the topic.

“Yes”. You nod covering your mouth with a hand, eating one bite. “Since two years ago”. You say after swallowing it. “With children from three years to six”.

“Is it hard?” EZ asks focusing in your words.

“Sometimes. Mostly they're good children, but when they wake up after a nap… Good god, they are like a herd of hungry coyotes”. That comparison accompanied by the gesture on your face seems so funny that everyone laugh.

“Where are you from, (Y/N)?” Bishop asks with a kind of curiosity that makes you feel uncomfortable for a second.

“Mexico”.

“Tijuana”.

Gilly and you answer at the same time.

“Tijuana, Mexico, I mean”. You add. And you can see that the president is thinking about something that you wouldn't like to know.

The night goes on, feeling a kind of strange tension installed between Bishop and you, even if you try to push it away. But your attention travel to a noisy car being parked next to the motorbikes, and you can swear that you heard a “shit” coming from Angel's mouth. Three girls get out of it. Short dresses, exaggerated makeup and smelling like tropical fruits. You turn your face to the men around you, they don't seem so happy because of the new visit.

The girls walk towards the fire, having some beers of the nearest table, believing that they're the divas in the party. You can't handle with arrogance, but you keep your mouth closed.

“Looks like you saw a ghost, what's up, caballeros?” The blonde one shrugs for a moment, before drink of the bottle. “Woah, look at that pretty girl! Are you new? What street do you work on?”

Taza and Creeper snort. Did she call you ‘bitch’? Seems like. You raise a leg on the chair, supporting your feet on the edge of it. Your arm on your knee, the beer in your hand. You adopted that defensive posture, 'cause sometimes it's better let your body talks instead of your mouth.

“She's (Y/N), my girlfriend”.

“Yea' and don' worry 'bout your work, Crystal”. Coco says smoking of his cigar. “She's a teacher. A girl with a real job”.

If it was allowed, you could clap till hurt your hands because of his words.

“A real job is what I did with Gilly. I sucked his cock so many times it has my name on it”.

Now you know what's happening and why the men look so embarrassed. You know well what she's trying, but you're not intimidated by anyone. No longer. Slowly, very slowly, you draw a soft smile on your lips. That gesture baffles everyone. Tangling the fingers of your free hand on your hair, pulling it behind your shoulders, you have a sip of your drink.

“And it only cost me to erase it a quick ride in the shower.”

At first, the front yard is silent. The men are looking at you with the eyes so opened that you're sure they could fall on the floor.

“Yo! She destroyed my ego, but man! She destroyed your existence!” Angel's laughter resounds throughout the place.

At this point of the night, the MC knows they can't fucking mess with you.

You start to think that the blonde girl in front of you thought that she could be an “Old Lady” or however they call it, but she fucked up everything before you came to Gilly's life. You try to remember her name being pretty sure that he talked you about her. Yeah, she was the one who he used to fuck at Vicky's place. But they weren't anything. A girl making a favor. That's all. And yes, of course you believe him.

“He will come back to my bed, remember my words”. Crystal says, proudly lifting the chin.

“Why don' you fucking leave, uh?” Gilly finally talks with anger, gesticulating with a hand for a second. You put a hand on his chest, palming it softly without turning your eyes to him.

You get up of your seat, leaving the beer somewhere on the floor, walking toward her. Face to face. You can smell her disgusting breath of mixed cigars and who-knows-what. Your orbs travel all over her face, studying every inch of it. You can see she's getting nervous, invading her personal space. Cross-armed, you look her from top to bottom slowly.

“You already had your glory minute. Now, leave”.

“Or what?”

“I know you're smart enough to know what's gonna happen' next”.

The three girls laugh, while the others whom were so kind with you are sighing. Seems like it's not the first time she do something similar. The problem comes when she's against someone who's ready for everything.

Crystal pushes you away with both hands on your chest, hardening her face. You laugh softly, putting your eyes on your own feet. Bad decision. Your left fist hits her ribs, causing her to bend forward with a yowl inside her throat. Moving faster, you put both hands on her nape, hitting her face this time with your knee, lifting it up tight. And when you're about to punch her again, hearing the crying, two shoots in the air make you stop. Of course, seeing how fast you move, the Mayans weren't gonna mediate physically. Your chest ascends and descends furious. Pushing your hair away from your face, you turn to the men. They're totally freaking out, but you're not able to look at Gilly. You're fucking ashamed.

The two unknown girls help their friend while Bishop keeps the gun behind his back, walking next to you. You think you fucked up things, before see how he directs his gaze towards Crystal.

“Don't talk about my man like that again, and if you can't respect his Old Lady as she deserves, then get the fuck out of my fucking MC. Or 'am gonna fuck you down and not in the way you would like it, you heard me, querida?” Then, he looks at you. “Come with me”.

Without a word, you follow the president inside the clubhouse, walking the place they call ‘the templo’; a large room with a big table in the middle. He takes a seat on the front chair, pointing with his hand the nearest. You do what appears to be an order. Taking the tobacco pack of his pocket, he offers you a cigar. You light it in your lips having a deepest puff. He does the same. You know that he knows.

“I saw the tattoo between the ring finger and the small one”.

“It's just a tattoo”. You shake your head with pursed lips.

“No, it's not”. He sentences. There's a pause, before he continues talking. “What are you doing here?”

“I'm hiding”.

“From what?”

“From a crazy ex”.

He raises an eyebrow, supporting his arms against the edge of the table.

“You can ask for my medical reports and all the complaints I made”. Your heart is beating faster than you could it's allowed.

“Are you an active member?”

“I've never been. My brother is the president, that's all”.

“You're brother is the president of Los Coyotes de Tijuana, and you say ‘that's all’?”

“Look, I'm not here to… spy or something like that. God! This is why I didn't tell anything about it, Bishop. Why would I have waited two years? It doesn't make sense”.

“Gilly knows?”

“Of course not”.

The man sighs rubbing his temples, throwing himself in the chair. He have a smoke, leaving it out by his nose.

“Your brother knows?”

“Yes”.

“You know you have to request a transfer if you wanna stay here, even if you are not an active member, right?”

“Yes”.

“And you have to tell Gilly”. Your heart stop for a second. You nod swallowing. But then happens something you didn't expect. Bishop holds your hand on the table, urging to look at him. “He's a good man, even if he does what he does. And I know you're telling the truth, but there are no secrets between my crew. And now, you're part of it. If you need protection, we'll give it to you. Although you know how to defend yourself, kid”.

You nod again in silence, while the man is getting up of his chair.

“I'll tell Gilly to come and you're gonna say him who you are, ok? And tomorrow you will arrange a meeting with Los Coyotes”.

Another nod.

The wait for your boyfriend is insanely long, feeling how your heart stops again when the door is opened. You can't turn to him, it's hard to face a situation where you are about to lose the only good thing you have had in life.

“You ok?” He sounds worried, sitting next to you.

“I have to… tell you something, Gilly. And I don't know how to do it”.

“Then make up the truth”. He repeats the words you said in Santa Madre, but you shake your head.

“I wasn't scared of Mayans”. You start, raising your eyes looking for his. “I was scared of what I have to tell you and you don't accepting it, or don't accepting me”.

He's listening only focused on you.

“My brother is the president of Los Coyotes de Tijuana”.

He has an impassive grin on his face.

“I'm not a member, I'm… just his sister, even if I grow up with them. My parents were killed because of their fault, more or less. So, they ‘adopted us’. My brother begun to be a prospect, till three years ago when they made him their president”. You sigh heavily, before showing him the tattoo on your finger. “Look… I didn't tell you 'cause…”

“Bishop already told me your story, before coming in”. He finally talks, and you're not sure what to think. “Are you really here because of me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Do you really feel something for me, or it was just a trick to get closer to the Mayans?”

“Good god…”

“Answer the question, (Y/N)?” His voice is rough, determinant.

“I know it's been three months since we met, but… Shit, Gilly! You're everything I want. I've been hiding my whole life. And yes, I know how to fight, or shoot, or whatever. But being with you made me feel safe for the first time. And it's not only that. You take care of me without expecting anything back.” You're trying your best, exposing all your truly feelings for him. “Gilly, I love you. And I don't wanna lose you. Please… believe me”.

“Arrange the meeting, (Y/N)”. It's all he says.

“Gilly, please…”

“I have to go”.

“No, Gilly, listen. Please!” You're in tears getting up of your seat at the same time he does, trying to stop him.

“Leave me, (Y/N). I need to think and be alone”.

You nod biting your trembling inner lip, looking how he walks out of the Templo.

#mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans mc x reader #mayans x reader #gilly lopez imagine #gilly lopez #gilly lopez x reader

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petekaos · 4 years

Note

What did you think about the last episode!!

hi hi! so uhhh... this is going to get long and i’ve combined like 10 other asks i want to address, so your ask may be answered here! if you want Rahul’s Take On The 2gether Finale, then brace yourself.

...I didn't really like the last episode, I feel like it could've been a lot better/more emotional

I dunno if it's because I didn't like the last 2 episodes but even though the show literally finished I'm not emotional? The last episode I felt actually really happy watching was ep 9 but now I'm just 'ok, that show finished.' I'm sad bc I thought I would have a stronger reaction to the ending and them getting back together but I'm just meh :/

Really don't want to sound like those annoying people but damn really no kiss scene

I liked the ending, it was okay I guess but gmmtv better prepare for a shitstorm bc so many people didn't lololol

Honestly the best and well written episodes were ones where they still weren't a couple, like 8 and 9 were amazing

Although the finale was good, I feel llke in the future when I want to rewatch my favorite moments from this series, I will go for the first 10 or so episodes more often than not. It kinda feels like 2gether peaked around episodes 7-10, which is perfectly fine!! It was all in all a great series that did what it wanted to do and I’ll always cherish it but, I probably won’t rewatch much of the last two episodes

They made pam even worse!! Before she had her talk with tine anyway!!

My thoughts on the finale: could've been a lot better, could've been a lot worse

2Gether really felt like a giant inflatable castle that was carefully blown up for the past 12 weeks only to let it rapidly and poorly deflate in the end

The ending was fine and was expected but for me it's underwhelming in the sense that the past episodes, especially 4, 8 and 9 were really written in comparison so the finale is kinda meh bc I knew there was gonna be a happy ending. But still the YouTube comments and what some people on tumblr are saying is ridiculous, I don't want to even think about Twitter but imo I don't think any of gmmtvs other shows can top dbks ending like that ending was perfect,

i honestly love that 2gether focused so much on the story and the emotion and became so successful without all the usual fan service. i hope the whole industry takes something away from that! but i still felt like the finale was a little emotionally stunted when it came to tine/sarawat. i just wanted a big YES, I CHOOSE YOU moment, and tine's reappearance and the bracelet scene just didn't do it for me. you know what would have, though? a kiss. or a hug, or holding hands, or something sweet

okay, my friends! here is my opinion on the 2gether finale first, and then i’m gonna address what i personally hold of the more negative response the fandom has shown. i generally thought the finale had... a solid ending. i went into it with absolutely no expectations apart from sarawat’s song and a happy ending, because i knew it would be messy and not as good as ep 4 or 9 etc, considering the sheer amount of open storylines that were left to be resolved in one episode. i knew it would polarise the fandom--but i personally thought the ending was fine! a bit cliche, a bit rushed, but it was okay and it was a good enough ending for me to put 2gether behind me, the first season at least. the bracelet scenes and shots were amazing, the song was incredible (although i wish they would have had sarawat sing a bit more), the conversation pam and tine had was solid as well! there were a lot of things i liked about the finale and bright and win killed their solo acting as always. however, there are some things i wanna get into more detail about that i feel could have been done better, not only as a finale but as a show itself.

time allocated for the storylines. or: plotlines in general. this has been my bone to pick ever since episode 10. not gonna lie, this wasn’t good, especially from ep 10 onwards. there were so many storylines and plotlines that were dragged out further than necessary, and so many plotlines that should have started earlier. best example for this is mil and phukong, the mil redemption storyline should have started in ep 10 and should have had him be sincere for once, and the mil/phukong storyline should have actually made sense from the beginning and started in ep 11 at the latest. the mantype storyline should have also started a bit earlier than that and given us an explanation as to why type was crying at the retreat. however, mantype did pull it off!

writing! this ties in with the first point. the writing felt a bit inconsistent in the last two episodes and it’s a pity, really, that this is one of the downfalls :/ all the actors in this series, from the mains (bright, win, mike, toptap, frank, drake) to the side characters (gunsmile, love, gigie, film, etc.) are such good actors and it’s unfortunate that the last three episodes were a bit :// in terms of writing and plotlines. they all did the best they could with what was written and that... yeah.

conflict. this has to do with the first two points. the finale felt rushed. that’s something that i don’t think anyone really can argue? and i expected that, so i wasn’t too disappointed by it or anything. obviously it would have felt rushed considering the fact that they had to wrap up 3 or 4 episodes’ worth of storylines in one episode, which was a blunder on the writers’ part. the conflict fell flat, then. if they had had pam come in earlier and had tine and sarawat spend more time away from each other, we would have gotten an explosive reaction. i really do think that after they got together for real, the writers struggled to find conflict to keep the story going, jumping from tine’s insecurities to mil to pam for no reason whatever. i think it would have been much better done if we had mil as an antagonist wrapped up and on the road to redemption in ep 10 and had pam come in there, with tine’s insecurities as a b plot. i feel that would have been a bit more gripping. but, hey, guess that’s just me!

order of filming. this has to do with people saying that brightwin’s chemistry was off in the finale. i don’t think it was off, per se, but it was definitely lacking when we compare it to their chemistry in ep 4 or 9 or 10, y’know? that’s because i believe the finale was filmed earlier, when bright and win were still getting to know each other and figuring out how well they could improv. and they can improv, from what we’ve seen! so there really is nothing i can say apart from the fact that it’s a bit disappointing that they decided to film such a pivotal scene at the beginning. if it had been filmed in the end, it would have definitely been better!

flashbacks. the finale needed all the time it was gonna get, and i am disappointed by the amount of flashbacks they used, honestly. i would have cut down on the number of sarawatine flashbacks and used them sparingly when they reunited, because that just... makes sense and evokes emotion in the viewer, you know? the only flashbacks that served well were type’s view of everything and phukong and mil, because they were new. it just... felt a bit inauthentic.

pam. or: the girls in general. there is nothing i can do here but SCREAM. pam should have come in way earlier and replaced mil as the centre point of conflict for ep 11 and 12 to have been as good as the rest of the show, or ep 4 and 9 at least. her character fell so flat and the conflict she brought with her fell so flat as well, honestly. the girls should have been done better--more of earn and sarawat! more of pear! they could have tied into the plot effortlessly!

mil and phukong x mil. yeah this is a... whole ass bulletpoint, unfortunately. call me a clown all you want for expecting him to have at least a half assed redemption arc in the finale but goddamn was that... not good. really bitter over the fact phukong was straight up okay with being a “replacement” for tine even though... that doesn’t even make sense. i just... yeah, this wasn’t good. i feel super bad for frank and drake because they deserve a well written show or at the very least a well written storyline for all of their chemistry and work they put in, considering the fact that they are so so young. i could go on about a good mil arc for ages but i just... yeah i’m writing a fic, so y’all will see.

the reunion. this stems from the flat conflict and the rushed-ness of it all, but yeah. it wasn’t particularly hard-hitting, but i still enjoyed it because it’s sarawat and tine. this has to do with when they filmed as well, and just... because the angst didn’t start early enough for it to hit home. and i really do wish we’d had a scene after that with the both of them, alone. a lot of their things happen with a lot of people around them... and nah.

one year later. bro. bro. bro. the music club thing was cute! but i would have just... loved to see them alone, y’know? a scene of them being alone and intimate, just sitting next to each other on the couch or at a football game or sarawat continuing bringing the cheerleaders snacks, even a year later. them going to another concert. anything where they were just... alone. i wanted to see them together! we got that with mantype and we even got that fucking... scene on the roof where mil and phukong were just fuckin around? yeah? i would have loved to see that with sarawat and tine so much. (also btw pretty sure the rooftop scenes with mil and phukong is also where drake and frank took this photo and it made me so happy dhsndh like... the shot where mil took his hand off phukong’s eyes? i called it immediately and my partner was like ???)

intimacy. chemistry. the biggest thing everyone is talking about. now comes the part that y’all all wanted to know if you’ve been reading this far lmfao, my take on the fact that was no kiss in the finale! and my take is... i expected there to be no kiss in the finale somewhere deep within, and honestly i’m fine with not having a kiss. my only problems with all of this are first of all, that we didn’t get a proper kiss in the entire series and had sarawat kissing tine one-sidedly. secondly, i would have loved verbal intimacy as well! an i love you, or y’know, some hand holding, anything! this is also due to the fact that i believe the series was filmed relatively early on. i just wish... again, that they would have been alone one year later and we could have just seen them being domestic, as we have already seen them!

so those are some of my thoughts on the finale. considering the fandom’s response... i can see why people are upset or disappointed but i don’t think it’s, like, that justified to throw the whole show away as well. yeah, the ending wasn’t perfect, but if you’ve enjoyed the show as a whole... maybe it’s okay, y’know? like, personally, i don’t think i’m ever going to rewatch the finale. but i do love the earlier episodes and i am gonna watch them back at some point, probably! it’s all well and good and valid to criticise the lack of intimacy and kissing in the finale i guess, but if you’re a straight girl then maybe... watch your words. 2gether has portrayed a wonderful love story between two men and to see straight people throw it away as “bromance” or say it’s the “straightest bl of all time” or whatever because of the lack of kisses is kind of hurtful. i am completely open to discussing this with lgbt people, mlm specifically, and you can come talk to me about your thoughts if you’re a straight woman as well. all i’m asking for is that you maybe show a little bit of empathy and respect, y’know? i also do think 2gether peaked around episode 9/10 and i’m fine with that! it gave me so much more than characters and relationships--it gave me the fandom and everyone here and words cannot express how grateful i am for all of you. maybe the last few episodes were poorly written and the finale wasn’t everything y’all hoped for... but i did and do love this show. i cannot wait to see where brightwin go next.

#tried to put this under a cut but it gave up on me lmfaooo #also yeah dbk finale was perfect nothing can compare dsmdhs #2gether the series #2gether finale #for my own tagging purposes #ref #rahul answers

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asgardianthot · 4 years

Text

Hunting Season (sambucky) – Part 1

Fake Dating AU

Series Masterlist

Summary: The Barnes family is your average rich people circus. With Bucky’s post-breakup financial depression, and a literal treasure hunt at stake, his best friend Sam finds himself in a mad situation in order to help him. They sure can pretend to be together, but that’s just the easy part.

A/N: You want some clichés? I’ll give you some clichés! Fake Dating, friends to lovers, asshole ex-boyfriend, only one bed, mutual pinning, slowburn, you name it :) Also rich!Bucky headcanon because I can.

Words: 3944

The night before.

"What is it this time?" Sam answered the phone, preparing for the rant he was about to hear.

On the other end, Bucky sighed heavily.

"Everything?"

Sam kept his chuckle in as he poured the freshly cooked spaghetti on a plate.

"That's a new one." He rolled his eyes, "Is he still calling you or something?"

"Yeah, and... God, I think I might take him up on his offer."

Although his friend's tone was extremely off-putting, Sam knew him too well and was certain that Bucky wasn't being serious. He was just saying it to be dramatic because he felt trapped. Still, he needed to be reminded that there was light at the end of the tunnel.

Wilson placed the phone between his ear and shoulder so he could take his meal to the table which was a few steps away from the actual kitchen zone.

"No, you won't." Sam reminded him.

"I might!"

Bucky didn't sound honest, but he sounded desperate. He had broken up with the world's biggest, most monumental jerk a hundred times before, yet for various financial and emotional reasons, Bucky had also returned to the man too many times. Sam knew there was an emotional bond, a toxic one, but never asked to what extent, he just made sure Bucky didn't fall back into his webs. Recently, though, it seemed as if he had come to his senses; hadn't picked up the phone when the devil's name came up on his screen for weeks, didn't even mention the master manipulator in a long time.

Sam sat at the small table and put his phone on speaker, next to his food.

"You can't just go back for his money, man."

"Well, I can't keep crashing at my parents’ house, either." Barnes replied with more anguish than Sam had expected.

He sounded like he was fed up with the whole living situation. Although the Barnes weren't necessarily bad, they were inherently overwhelming and controlling people with whom Bucky had already spent eighteen miserable years; Sam understood how downright exhausting it must be to go back to them for help, and he understood why he hated it there. He probably had just gotten into an argument, but Sam still felt empathy towards his poor friend, because Sam's parents were the nicest people on earth- sure, they pried and judged from time to time, but only the normal parental amount. He couldn't imagine growing up in the Barnes' house.

So instead of spurring out laments and empathic hums, he focused on finding Bucky a solution, reminding him there was a way out of the mansion-trap.

"What about that job?"

"I didn't get it." There was a hearable stop, followed by a groan, "I don't know what else to do, I don't know how much longer I can stay here!"

As he worked his brain, Sam shoved a forkfull of spaghetti into his mouth, using the time he was chewing to concoct a quick solution. His friend just needed some caring aid, and Sam was good with home finances, he's good at being responsible and setting down instructions. He's a college professor after all, so giving orders and helping people in confusing times was wired into his bones.

He swallowed before speaking, "Tell you what, why don't you come over and we'll figure something out?"

Sam was just finished doing his single dish in his single apartment when Bucky got there. He opened the door and found the resemblance of a lost puppy.

"Thank you."

The host ushered him inside, and while Bucky closed the door behind him, Sam returned to the kitchen to finish putting everything away.

"Don't thank me yet. We need to come up with a plan." He turned to him with a mildly disappointing glance, for he was expecting a disappointing answer, "Just to be clear: no savings?"

"Nope." Bucky popped his 'p' with exaggerated defeat.

"Remind me to call you an idiot later."

"Will do." He nodded.

While Sam put away the now clean pan on the bottom counter, James found himself shame-walking to the table. He sat down, extended his arms over the furniture and let his head drop with self-pity.

"What about your folks, are they really not willing to help out?" Sam tried.

"They won't give me a single penny."

"Can't say that I'm surprised."

As soon as Wilson headed towards his friend, he noticed Bucky was waiting for him to be able to stay one hundred percent attentive. He was fidgeting with his fingers and bouncing his leg up and down, looking way too nervous for being around Sam, his best friend whom he trusted more than anyone. So, Sam got the severity of the issue and sat down on the table with him.

"Listen..." Bucky began, although he missed Sam's eye contact on purpose, "I was thinking... and I know that you've already supported me enough, but maybe... you could, uh... Lend me some money?" Suddenly, his face contorted in anguish as he was clearly embarrassed to even ask; before Sam could respond, he started rambling, "Just to get my own place, and I promise I'll pay you back as soon as I get some stability."

Sam tilted his head with sympathy.

"Of course I can lend you some money. But it's still a risky shot, dude."

Seeing him shrug, Sam noticed the evident sadness and surrender in James' face, and Sam wondered if it had been the devil ex or the Barnes who had sucked the hope out of him.

"It's all I got. I can't stand my parents any longer."

Sam nodded, and they fell into some silence. The discomfort coming from Bucky's end of the table was palpable, so Sam attempted to ease some of the tension.

"You can always just leave the country and go live with your sister." He joked.

The way Bucky looked at him with a small smile, Sam could read the gratefulness in his eyes.

"Nah, I could never leave you." Barnes taunted back, "You'd crumble."

"Yeah, that's it." Sam looked away with lifted, disbelieving eyebrows, "Definitely not the other way around."

He got a chuckle out of his best friend, and in comparison to the glim aura that had been surrounding him the last minutes, it was a relieving sound

" 'sides, she wouldn't get off my back either." Bucky added, "Rebecca's not an option."

Once again, silence dropped on them, only this time it was a pensive one. It didn't take long for Sam to have the best idea he'd had yet.

"Drink?" he offered.

"Please."

"I'm telling you, I can't seem to do anything right." Bucky admitted in between sips of wine, "The more I try to fix my shit, the more I mess it up, and that's Brock's cue to jump right back into the picture and offer an easy way out."

"You can't let him control you." His friend reminded him, "You're better than that."

Bucky had heard that speech a hundred times, and a hundred times he had lowered his head with shameful agreement, like a toddler being reprimanded and responding with the generic You're right, I'll do better. However, this time, Barnes was honest. Too honest, for Sam's taste, actually. Staring into nothingness as if illuminated by some divine realization of disappointment, he clacked his tongue.

"See, I don't know that I am."

Sam, on his part, was having none of that.

"Yes, you are. You've just made some very questionable choices." He slurred, and only then did Bucky realize how drunk his friend had gotten over the past hour, "And you wanna know why?"

With the last question went a very unpreoccupied hand gesture, employing the hand which held the glass of red wine like he'd forgotten the wine was even there, and therefore almost spilling it all over his carpet.

Bucky cringed and reached for the now turned dangerous beverage.

"I think that's enough wine for you." He laughed, trying to pry the glass away.

"Because you never listen to me!" Sam ignored him, which was Bucky's cue to effectively grab it and leave it on the coffee table, "I told you not to let him pay for stuff in the first place. Told you if he owns everything you share, he owns you."

The words, Bucky remembered from many times prior. The harsh tone, though, was relatively new.

"It just sort of happened." He shrugged, "I lost my job and suddenly..."

As Bucky lost his trail, Sam filled in with amusement, "You became a housewife from, like, the 1950's."

Barnes smirked in an attempt to lighten the mood, and escape the current lecture he was receiving, "Why is that bad?"

Unfortunately for him, Sam was not playing along.

"Because you can't hand them your independence. Not to your parents, not to Brock Fucking Rumlow, not to anyone. You know what's worth more than money?"

"Let me guess, my freedom?"

"Your dignity." Sam laid out the words with much more seriousness any drunk man should be able to convey.

Silence followed the rough declaration, and Bucky sat back. He pursed his lips at the ground, feeling even more judged in that apartment than in his parents' house. At least, they nagged about things that were insignificant to him, but what Sam had just dropped was a truth-bomb that resonated with his deepest concerns.

"That hurt." He admitted.

He wasn't upset, and even less with Sam. This was what he needed to hear, after all, and he could always trust Sam to be responsible and hones, but that didn't mean he would sleep on that sentence until he made some real changes in his life.

"It's just the truth." Sam grinned with somewhat lament as he reached for more wine.

The day of.

Sam woke up the next morning with the smell of fresh breakfast, and a hangover. When he managed to get on his feet, he walked down to the living room, where he found Bucky preparing something in the kitchen. Last night's events came back to him at the sight of his face: his cry for help, one late night talk and lots of wine. That's pretty much all that came to mind, which made him wonder what his drunk persona had put Bucky through.

"Morning, pal!" the voice made him jump a bit.

Bucky seemed cheery, which meant that he'd woken up hangover-free, and that drunk Sam hadn't been a pain in his ass. Sam felt he could relax.

"Did I really pass out on red wine in my own couch?" he groaned, scratching the back of his head.

Walking closer, he recognized what Bucky was preparing as french toasts, and his rumbling stomach felt grateful.

"Like a grandpa." Bucky confirmed with a mocking tone.

"Jesus Christ." Sam sighed.

"Don't let your dad hear you say the Lord's name in vain."

The warning reminded Sam of Bucky's parental situation. Bucky was one of Sam’s few friends who knew Sam's parents, and they'd gotten along many times, whereas Sam had never even met the Barnes. He knew Rebecca, but that was about it, and he figured they must be real characters if Bucky kept them away from him.

Sam let his body fall flat onto the couch, and covered his eyes with his arm rather dramatically, "I'm slowly spiraling down into a mediocre professor's life."

"You're not a mediocre professor and you don't have a mediocre life." Bucky denied him the right to self-loathe.

"I disagree. Your problems are the highlight of my week."

"Stop moaning and eat up."

As Sam raised his arm to peak, he found a plate of french toasts and a cup of orange juice being offered to him.

He gave Bucky a look of ultimate gratefulness as he mumbled a thank you and received the food.

Suddenly he appreciated more than ever that his friend was good at cooking, even though it probably came from a tragic backstory like his many childhood maids taught him in order to replace the absence of his parents or something.

"Least I could do." Bucky reckoned, meaning the fact that Sam had welcomed him into his home and offered to help him with his financial situation, "This, and dragging you to bed last night."

Sam visibly cringed before taking a big bite, "Did I say really dumb stuff?"

Bucky reflected on that idea for a hot second. Sam had, as a matter of fact, spilled out some truths, but Bucky didn't want to embarrass him, so he simply let it go.

He chuckled instead, "Nah, just the usual stupidity."

On his way to prepare some coffee, he checked his phone and noticed he'd received a text: we need to talk.

He knew what this was about. Which was the reason why he told his parents to meet him for lunch, some place they would approve of, after he'd had time to tidy up and borrow some of Sam's clothes. All just to minimize the judgement he was about to endure.

As soon as he sat down on the restaurant table, Barnes father hit him with that familiar severity.

"Where did you spend the night?"

"A hotel room." Bucky replied.

"You can't afford one."

"And I have you to thank for that." The tone quickly shifted to one of mutual accusations, "You're the one who cancelled all my cards."

"James." His mother joined the conversation in an attempt to get Bucky to lower said tone.

"It’s fine. I'm gonna crash at a friend's house.” Bucky directed the eased words to his mother, "Until I get on my own feet- which I will."

"A friend?" the dad interrupted, "Is that what you're doing now to pay for a roof over your head?"

Bucky raised his eyebrows, unamused, "Are you calling me a whore?"

"James, your father and I are worried." The woman reached over the table for her son's hands, "We want you to get yourself out of this... low spot. And last night, you proved your immaturity to us by throwing a tantrum and running away."

"Wasn't a tantrum." James retrieved his hands from his mother's grasp, "Look, if you're not going to help me out financially, then I see no reason to indulge your criticism. Otherwise it's just free abuse."

The older man rolled his eyes, "Always the drama king."

A cloud of silence fell upon the three people, thankfully soon joined by a waitress who took their orders. After they all delivered their monotone words and handed the lady their menus, Barnes father went back to the same topic.

"So, who's paying for your stuff?"

Bucky sat back on his chair, "Oh, we're still on that."

"Just wanna know how much I owe the poor soul. You keep forcing your financial situation on people, you're gonna run out of friends."

Eventually, James found himself in a tight spot. Whatever answer he gave his father, the man wouldn't be satisfied. His own son begging for money was beyond simple disappointment. The only time George Barnes had approved of Bucky depending on someone was when Brock Rumlow owned his life, because Brock was a family friend and a fine young man. Naturally, an opportunity popped into Bucky's head.

"Well, he's not a friend." He announced, earning attentive looks from both his parents, "He's, uh... we're a couple. He's not lending me money, we're sort of... living together."

Something in their eyes told Bucky they weren't buying it.

"Since when?" the mother asked.

"It's been sporadic. But we're stable."

George Barnes narrowed his eyes, "I take it it's not Rumlow."

"No, I told you, that's over." Bucky shook his head.

"Then I wanna meet this guy."

"Oh, invite him over to Nana's." The woman clapped her hands together.

The simple thought of the upcoming family vacation made him lose his appetite. Every year during spring break, the Barnes would get together for some quality time at their grandparents’ lake house. Bucky figured that this year, he probably would spend one or two weeks there before he could manage an excuse to leave. That was before he made up a fictional boyfriend, though, and the biggest problem was he didn’t have a boyfriend to bring.

"He has plans for the break." He lied.

Winnifred gave him a look that yelled incomprehension, as if she was incapable of fathoming the idea of someone not wanting to join their plans. "He can cancel them, he'll have more fun at the lake house anyways!"

"It's just that-"

"He'd love it.” Her voice began doing that thing where she sounded like she was genuinely begging, instead of simply manipulating, “And maybe you two could win Nana's hunt this year."

Now that caught Bucky’s attention. That actually made him reconsider everything. The Barnes had some very odd traditions, some Bucky loved and some he despised; but there was one in particular he had very mixed sentiments about, and which now presented itself like lifeboat.

"Right. The hunt." He trailed off, contemplating the possibility of participating in the godforsaken annual hunt.

"So what's he do?" his father’s words snapped him back.

"Huh?"

"Your boyfriend. What does he do?"

Bucky swallowed hard. In a moment of complete panic, his blank mind went to the easiest way out: the person who had actually offered his house to him for the night. Sam’s occupation was the only thing that popped into his head.

"He's a... professor.” He blurted out without much thought, “University."

"That's lovely." His mother approved.

Shit. It only then occurred to him that he was effectively making up a boyfriend, job and all, which meant he certainly couldn’t get away from it now. And it would only get worse as he dug into his lie deeper and deeper.

"What do I call him?" the older man asked.

Once again, Bucky found himself gulping.

"You told them what?!" Sam exclaimed.

Bucky sat with his head down in shame, while Sam paced around his own apartment, furiously.

"I'm sorry." Barnes said truthfully.

"You could've dragged anyone along with your dumb plans.” Sam ignored him and continued scolding him. “Why me?"

The appellee sighed, "It was an ambush, Sam, you should've seen it."

"I don't care!"

"They were asking me all these questions, it felt like a fucking quizz!” Bucky’s lamenting state turned much more hectic as he tried to explain his actions, “I panicked, I don't know, it just came out."

A big breath of disappointment shook Sam’s chest. Of course, he tried to understand Bucky when it came to his family. He did his best. But this was too much, for now that pressure had been transported to Sam. The weight relied on Sam’s shoulders as a whole. Still, he figured there was no way out of the hole Bucky had dug for the both of us. If the Barnes thought Sam was their son’s boyfriend, then that’s what he was. At least, until Bucky found an exit for both of them.

Reflecting on how this would be the last favor he would ever do for his friend, and at the same time acknowledging that was just a lie he told himself, Sam sat next to Bucky, who seemed expectant of more judgement. Much to his surprise, Sam’s words weren’t harsh.

"I take it they wanna meet the boyfriend." He said, a lot more nonchalantly than either of them expected.

Bucky looked at him with wide eyes, "Shit, are you serious? Would you do that for me?"

"Yeah, wouldn't be the first time I get you out of trouble." Sam ran a hand down his face.

"Sam, you’re-“

"The best, I know.” Wilson glanced up at the ceiling for strength, laying back on his couch, “So when do we have to put on a show?"

There was a brief silence, only interrupted by the sound of Bucky’s fingernails scratching the back of his head, which dropped another wave of tension upon the pair.

"That's the thing." Bucky cringed.

"What's the thing?"

"You know my family's lake house?" he tempted.

"No. No, no, no!” Sam found himself standing up at the mere thought of what he knew he was being asked, “I am not going to the middle of rich nowhere with you and your folks."

"It would only be a week.” Bucky raised his voice with a plea, earning a look of disbelief from Sam who felt like a week was not worthy of being introduced by the word ‘only’, “But, with a bunch of family members."

Samuel shook his head, clear disbelief plastered on his features.

"You don't realize how insane you sound right now."

"Hear me out, this is a good thing. Just... listen.” Bucky raised his hands in defense, “You know how my grandfather left his fortune to Nana?”

Doing his absolute best to stay open-minded, Sam nodded. Perhaps Bucky was headed somewhere with his explanation.

“Well, she has this... odd way of getting rid of it."

"The hell you talking about?" Sam frowned, growing inpatient.

"I never told you ‘cause it made me sound even more of a trust fund baby."

"Which you are."

"Point taken.” Bucky tilted his head with acceptance before he continued, “But this is good for both of us. She hates giving out her money, but she has no use for it, so she... makes it into a game every year."

Sam remained quiet, becoming more and more upset because he started getting an idea of what this was about: money and his family’s eccentric behaviors. And of course, Bucky meant to bring Sam into both of those things.

"I hate your family."

Bucky couldn’t hold back a tiny smirk, "You won't when you find out how much the prize is."

Suddenly, Sam found himself considering the offer. He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"I'm listening." He said, unprepared for the number he was about to hear.

"Four million dollars.” Bucky laid out like he was pitching him a job offer, which, in some twisted way, it was, “We split it, I can get back on my own feet, gain my independence... and you get two millions for being such a good friend."

The amount of money was too much for a family game. The idea sounded too ridiculous for any normal family. But then again, these were the Barnes. Therefore, while Sam was having a hard time processing the information, he blinked fast, maintaining eye contact with Bucky, almost as if waiting for his friend to break character and reveal that this was all a joke.

"Two million dollars?" Sam confirmed.

"Two million each." Bucky nodded, expectant.

Sam had to sit back down, but not next to Bucky this time. He sat on the coffee table, still digesting it. The prize was more than what he made in a year. And it really seemed like this was Bucky’s best solution to all his problems.

"And it's a game?" Sam asked with that same cautious tone.

"Yeah, it's a... treasure hunt.” Barnes shrugged, “With, like, challenges and stuff. She cooks up the entire thing in her twisted little mind."

Sam nodded, at nothing really, but just as a manner of expressing that he had processed everything properly.

"But we'd have to pretend for a full week and actually win the thing."

"Nana loves me, 've always been her favorite. You butter her up, she'll give us the cheats. Make it easy for us."

The man nodded again, this time with purpose, "Okay."

"Okay?" Bucky raised his eyebrows with hope.

"Okay." Sam raised his voice before he could regret the choice, "Let's get this prize."

#sambucky #sam wilson/bucky barnes #sambucky fanfiction #sambucky au #fake dating au #fatws #ftws #tfatws #the falcon and the winter soldier #marvel fanfiction #sam wilson #bucky barnes #slowburn #only one bed #rich!bucky

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