#gods picking out those to succeed them

[ocrystal]

Okay guys, hear me out. Stella is Etro. Or, a variation of Etro.

#etro died generations ago but someone must fill this position so #etro vets a suitable replacement and the cycle of revenants turned deity continues #stella as etros chosen has to fight noctis because he aims to destroy the gates of etro #hence lovers turned enemies and im 👀👀👀 #if anyone has ever played dragons dogma #its the ending of that! #gods picking out those to succeed them #those with unrelenting will #so esentially stella knew she would fight him eventually BECAUSE she chose him #and noct ends up killing her and taking her place as god of death without the true role because he fucked up those gatessss #so after versus xiii hes a reaper that fragmented reality and split universes due to his rage #SOOOOO thats how he can easily access different ff verses while remaining true to his canon #anyway thats my take on it because i always think about stella meeting noct and guess what #shes looking at her own damn portrait and tells noctis she can also see the light #so he is very naive and assumes she also had a near death experience but n0pe shes A LITERAL GODDESS #and she handpicked u my precious reaper baby to succeed her and change this cycle ✨️✨️✨️ but nOT IN THE WAY SHE INTENDED ALKSHFGIUERBEILR #also i had this drafted for days and just forgot to post until now aaaaaaaaar #tbt

[vickyvicarious]

I know it's been said before, but... I'd like to take a little time to really point out all the many ways the locals are trying their hardest to be kind to Jonathan and to help him however they can, even at risk to themselves.

The innkeeper's wife breaks her silence enough to tell him not to go, and when he won't agree, to warn him about the eve of St. George's Day and ask him to delay. When that fails too, she gives him her crucifix. That's probably her personal protection she's giving up to him.

She's not done. She tells the driver of the coach about Jonathan, and I think asks him to rush through the pass so Dracula can't pick him up tonight.

The people nearby who overhear her look at Jonathan with pity. While they don't directly try to assist here, I can't help but notice that they're on the bench "which they call by a name meaning "word-bearer"" and talking loud enough/repetitively enough that Jonathan is able to look up their words about various supernatural threats. They outright say the word for "vampire", making it the first mention in the book. If we assume they subscribe to a belief where you don't name the evil lest it come after you, that could be them trying to indirectly get him some warning.

The whole crowd try to protect Jonathan from the evil eye when he's about to set out.

That one guy pointed out God's Seat to Jonathan... maybe trying to bring his attention to something nicer, maybe some kind of religious protection? A kind gesture regardless.

The driver makes a fairly black humor joke about dogs that seems to be hinting at wolves coming after them. I wonder if he's half-expecting Dracula to send wolves to hunt them down. Regardless, even though he arrived late to pick everyone up, he pushes really really hard the whole time to try and rush them through before Jonathan would be picked up. He succeeds well enough that they're a whole hour early, even.

As it gets dark, everyone else on board also starts urging the driver to go faster, and watching out the windows for Dracula's approach. They're invested in this too.

When they enter the Borgo Pass, they all start giving Jonathan protective gifts. I suspect those were meant to keep themselves safe as they pass close by Dracula's castle, but they insist he take them all instead.

They sigh in relief at their early arrival, and not seeing Dracula. The driver does the smallest most halfhearted pretense of trying to get Jonathan there, before declaring they'd better leave now since he's not getting picked up.

They obviously can't directly oppose Dracula when he arrives, but I have to mention the guy who quotes Lenore. That's maybe stupidly open about what Dracula is but it's still pretty ballsy even if he didn't really expect the Count to hear him.

They're just... doing their absolute best to help him. I love them so much.

#dracula daily #dracula locals #jonathan harker

[herlondonboy]

trust, clarisse la rue

summary: how can she trust you again after you let everyone think she was the lightning thief?

warnings: break up, it’s rushed, child of hades!reader

wc: 1.0k

being the cousin of percy jackson would have it’s perks, if it weren’t for being his paternal cousin. sure, the gods have no dna, meaning you’re not technically related, but that didn’t matter to either of you

his father is poseidon, and yours, hades. you were cousins, if not by blood, by love for each other.

you’d only known percy for two weeks, but being on a quest with him taught you a lot. there was nothing he wouldn’t do for those he loved. grover, annabeth, his mother, he’s fight the gods for them. you admired that about him. he was twelve, but ready to humble the gods, days after finding out that he was a half-blood.

he was doing what you wanted to do your whole life. you wanted to scream and curse your father for being absent for so long, and he was doing it for you.

now that you have a family, consisting of a cousin and two little siblings (annabeth and grover, though annabeth hadn’t accepted it quite yet), all you wanted to do was go home into the arms of your girlfriend. you missed falling asleep in her arms, waking up to her scent, and just overall annoying her.

you wondered if she was mad at you, for taking longer that you said. she didn’t know you had been stuck in the lotus hotel for a few days and missed the solstice. all she knew what that percy failed the quest.

the underworld was your least favourite part of the quest. seeing your father, face to face. you scolded him as he tried to offer your friends pomegranate juice and he backed down, shrugging. then you left.

percy and grover followed you shortly, and you were once again face to face with ares.

gods, how you wanted to rip that smug smirk off of his face. he didn’t deserve it after what he said about his children, after what he said about clarisse. nobody forced him to reproduce, but he did, and now he blames them for being born.

despite being a god, and the one of war at that, ares lost to percy. you felt proud, like a parent watching their child succeed. ares was gone in a flash, and it was replaced by your fathers helm.

the children looked at you, so you stepped forward to pick it up. it was heavier than you had expected.

“percy, i-“ you turned around to see him walking into the small bungalow not far behind. sharing looks with the other two twelve year olds, you decided to follow him.

there, you met alectro. she took your father’s helm and percy made her tell him that you wanted your mothers back. hades wasn’t going to let your mother go, though. he needed you, and he’d lose you if you got her. sally jackson, however, was a different story. you prayed that he’d give her back to percy. he was just a kid, he needed his mom.

“no,” you heard, making you turn to see annabeth looking at percy.

“you’re not going to stop him,” you murmured, making them turn to you. “he going to olympus, whether you like it or not.”

percy nodded at that. “you three need to go back to camp. i have to talk to zeus. i have to.”

it took a little convincing, but eventually annabeth and grover agreed to go back. then all eyes were back on you.

“i’m going to olympus, too,” you told them. “my quest was protecting percy. if that’s where he’s going, that’s where i’m going.”

there was silence for a few more seconds before they accepted that.

-

you were finally back at camp. with percy walking next to you, you felt relieved. you’d met your uncles as poseidon defended his son against his brother’s wrath. now that you were back, you could hug and kiss clarisse all you wanted.

walking into camp, most demigods clapped for percy as you slowed down to let him relish in his glory. you were looking out for the one person that wouldn’t be clapping, and when you found her, her arms were crossed as she glared at you. you wondered if it was because you walked in with percy.

excusing yourself, you diverted from the path and towards your girlfriend with a smile. she scoffed and rolled her eyes at that and stormed off.

you followed her until you were far enough into the woods that no one would hear your conversation.

“hey, you,” you said softly, reaching out to touch her shoulder, but she spun around.

clarisse's eyes blaze with betrayal as she confronted you about the rumors circulating, questioning, "how am i supposed to trust you if you let everyone believe i was the lightning thief?" you're rendered speechless, struggling to find the right words.

in an attempt to defend yourself, you stammer, "i didn’t." but clarisse remains unyielding, her anger palpable.

“then why did you let luke believe it?” you stayed silent and she realised. the tension thickens between you, and the air becomes charged with unspoken emotions. she snaps, "oh, you think that because i crave my dad’s validation so much that i’d start a world war?" your heart sinks as she delivers the words with a bitter edge.

"i thought you, of all people, would understand," clarisse adds, her voice filled with disappointment.

desperation sets in, and you try to explain, "clarisse, it wasn't my intention. i would never intentionally hurt you. you know that.”

“do i?” she asked.

“i love you,” you tried.

but your words fall on deaf ears. she scoffs, shaking her head. "i can't trust you anymore," clarisse declares, breaking up with you. without looking back, she leaves you behind. tears well up in your eyes, emotions overwhelming you. the breakup is abrupt, and the pain lingers as clarisse walks away, leaving you alone with shattered emotions.

#clarisse la rue #clarisse la rue x y/n #clarisse my beloved #clarisse la rue x reader #clarisse x reader #clarisse x you #clarisse pjo #pjo x you #pjo x reader #elijah writes #please reblog

[kiame-sama]

Warnings; bg3, full party (because I want them all there to talk), Druid Tav*, Slight druid path spoilers I guess?, Owlbear, Protector type Tav, yandere companions (ALL of them), basic identity spoilers for first act followers, slight early story spoilers, they/them reader, yandere Raphael makes an appearance too.

* Tav is the name that always appears in the character generator first, so technically Tav is the unofficial term for the player character- or Reader in this scenario.

~~~~~~~~

The large owlbear lumbered slowly amongst the fallen undead, using the sharp beak to pick around the bodies for anything useful. Of course, not everything picked up by the defacto leader of the group was typically deemed useful. Such was the way of the unusual soul the group found themselves following the every whim of.

Countless battles had been won with their leadership and each companion had true respect for their leader, even if respect for the other companions was variable. To take them from desperate and hopeless about their plight to truly believing they could succeed their impossible mission. Each odd soul brought in to the fold by the odd druid may not believe, but they believed in how much their leader believed. For them, this was enough.

This meant that when their trusted leader wandered around as a creature that could feasibly carry three of them, they just followed along and grabbed what they wanted if their leader didn't pick it up first. They trusted their leader to distribute loot and treasure adequately based off of who could best use what was collected. Still, that didn't make the experience any less surreal, even for those who were familiar with druids that favored their bestial forms.

"Astarion, do you ever feel like we, as a group, just adapt to everything around us a little too well?"

Gale, the wizard of the group walked next to the rogue vampire spawn, his arms crossed in a contemplative way. Never before would he have imagined himself having light banter with such a being without bloodshed, but here he was regardless.

"Do tell me you are joking, right?"

"No, should I be?"

"God's, Gale, we're all stuck here as a group with only one thing in common- the fact that we're facing impossible odds to simply survive- and we can barely keep ourselves from killing each other. On top of that, just what do you think we're doing right now? Hm?"

"... Collecting the spoils of our battle?"

There was a distinct moment of silence as the beautiful vampire spawn stared at the wizard with a look of disbelief and disgust. The apparent pause catching the attention of the rest of the party- minus the owlbear lumbering ahead of the group- as they all decided to listen in. It was good fun to hear the others squabble and it gave a sense of comradery despite the situation they were in, misery loving company in most ways, though things weren't seeming too miserable now.

"We are in a temple that is inside of a crypt- some depth underground- picking amongst the remains of reanimated corpses that have all been stomped to death by our Owlbear leader. Not to mention this leader who just so happens to be the most balanced person among us and somehow isn't corrupt as all hells while doing it."

Some of the others nodded along in their own ways, knowing Astarion's assessment wasn't too far off from the crux of the situation they found themselves in. A few cast glances at the afore mentioned owlbear leader who seemed rather content rooting through what little remained from their earlier rampage.

"And they're hot as the hells while doing it."

Karlach, the literal flaming tiefling barbarian, commented, putting herself in the conversation with a wide grin.

"You're one to talk, Karlach," Wyll playfully jabbed back, "You've literally got fire coming out of you!"

"You know I'm right though!"

"Well, I didn't say you were wrong."

Before the two could continue, Astarion cut them off, bringing the now group conversation back to Gale.

"Anyways, my point still stands. We are not the ones who make this all work. They make it work for us. We are stuck together- like it or not- and they call the shots. We can get used to anything because they can get used to anything. Don't pat yourself on the back too hard now, it might get you excited."

Gale slightly winced at that jab, given the fact that he was the most obvious about being smitten with the group leader, and yet his beloved was completely unaware of how hard he had fallen. How hard they all had fallen.

"Are you all fools," Shadowheart hissed in a low voice, "you know they can hear us, right?"

It was Lae'zel's turn to bark out a laugh, her lips curled in a sly grin as she regarded the Sharian cleric. It gave the Githyanki soldier a sense of satisfaction to know something about their leader the cleric didn't.

"They can't understand us in that owlbear form. Why else would these fools talk so plainly?"

Unknown to them, their leader could understand them, but simply didn't want to cause in-fighting or favoritism to arise. So they simply carried on as if unaware of the conversation, just trying to focus on finding what was salvageable.

Unknown to them all, a demon watched from the rafters. His arms were crossed and a grin played across his lips. He had to admit, that druid was certainly a fetching prize as they clearly enamored not only their mismatched companions but him as well. Time would leave him the last among them by the druid's side, he would ensure it. Besides, he had plenty of time to wait.

#kiame-sama #yandere #x reader #yandere x reader #reader insert #tw yandere #yandere bg3 #yandere astarion #yandere Raphael #yandere gale #yandere lae'zel #yandere shadowheart #yandere karlach #yandere wyll

[thefallennightmare]

Just Pretend-Twenty One

*gif created by me. feel free to use, simply give credit*

Parings: Noah Sebastian x Musician! Reader

Warnings/Tropes: language, angst, fluff, smut, star-crossed lovers, right person/wrong time, cheating, talks of mental abuse.

Summary: “I can wait for years, heaven knows I’m not getting over you.” A story about two star-crossed lovers, that always find their way back because their souls are entwined. The universe desperately attempts to bring them together, no matter what the cost.

Authors Note: This entire chapter will be in Angel's POV! Hence the gif! Now before any of y'all ask, no! This isn't a love triangle chapter. Its about a girl who meets someone that has gone through the same thing she has and they have a moment together where they help each other over come those evil parts of their pasts (Platonically) Two people finding their "friendship" soulmates, if ya will.

FUCK YOU. EAT SHIT. KILL GOD. DETHRONE.

We are Fallenvvitch. Goodnight.

Collaborating With: @thescarlettvvitch(better give her all the love as well)

Tags: @thescarlettvvitch @ozwriterchick @waake-meee-up @notingridslurkaccount @niicoleleigh @sammyjoeee @xxrainstorm @dominuslunae @notmaddihealy @malice-ov-mercy @crimson-calligraphyx @iknownothingpeople @writethrough @thebadchic @blackveilomens Claudia on Tumblr @tobe-written @blacksoul-27 @loeytuan98 @loverofagoodbeard @comfortcharactercraze @lma1986 @plutonikchaos1 @spicywhenspeaking @lyschko666 @somewhere-diamond @hi-fancy-seeing-you-here @koskeepsake @bngurngheart @shilohrosechicken @emzandthevoid @casangel1986 @qualityvoidcollectorsblog @myownthoughts12 @jilliemiw86 @bellaboo967 @halloweenaesthetic @collapsedglasshouses

READER

I sat on my bed with the notebook perched on my lap with papers and discarded pens all over my bedroom. Salem curled up on my pillow next to me, his purring an eerily calm background noise as it combined with the scratching of my pen on paper. 

“I know it’s colder where I’m at,” I muttered in a soft tune. 

Ew, no not that. 

I scratched through the words with such force it ripped through the paper. 

“Fuck,” I cursed while tossing the book onto the floor then rubbed ink-stained hands over my face. 

I went through four different pens by now and changed the paper from my spiral notebook to printer paper. I had been held up in my room all night writing, not wanting to be bothered. With our tour starting in a few days, we needed to leave tomorrow which meant I spent most of my day and afternoon packing and getting things in order. 

For the last few days, Hollow Souls had been working tirelessly to practice our setlist and make sure all of our visuals were spot on. It was our first tour of just the three of us and my nerves were taking over every aspect of my life. I couldn’t even enjoy the fact that I was about to spend the next two weeks with my favorite artist. 

nothing, nowhere. 

Joe’s music had been a huge part of my healing process for years so when he reached out with the idea of opening up for Hollow Souls, immediately we agreed. Even though the nerves were still there, I couldn’t contain my excitement. I couldn’t count how many times I picked up my phone, wanting to text Noah, but always backed out. I told him I needed some time, truthfully I think I needed it to remind myself I could be my own person and succeed with this band for a little while. 

Maybe I needed to prove to myself that I was able to take the lead of this band without anyone pointing the finger, thinking it was someone else behind the curtain. There wasn’t someone else. It was me.

My heart began to stutter in my chest, blood running cold, so I took a deep breath while counting to four; exactly like Dr. Poulos told me to do. Soon, I felt heat spread within me as the image of Noah danced behind my eyelids. I missed him and yearned for his presence. My stomach was in knots since the second I left his house a few days ago. 

“I know it’s warmer where you are,” my eyes snapped open as the words fell from my lips. 

Fuck, that's good. 

We confessed, we told the truth. A weight was lifted off me. Noah loves me. 

He fucking loves me back. 

“I know it’s warmer where you are, and it’s safer by your side,” I sang while quickly writing it down on a fresh piece of paper.  “Right now I can’t be what you want, just give it time.”  

I began to ache at times, my stomach was sore, and my head would pound. It was often like this that I began to think I’d caught a cold. I wasn’t- it was just me feeling empty. I knew whatever this moment of self-reflection was, it was worth it. I love Noah and he loved me back.

We’d be together; soon. I had to believe that. I knew in my gut. I trusted it but I hope he trusted me.

“Cause if you and I can make it through the night,” my voice was loud now as I felt comfortable with how the lyrics were now pouring out of me. 

But there was this nagging feeling inside of me that I couldn't ignore. We last texted each other at 10 p.m. that night saying we loved each other. The invisible string that always seemed to connect us was urging me to text him. This was something else I couldn’t ignore. 

It was important to me that with this new love, the love for Noah, we have made the effort to fully heal first so we do the inner work that is required to become a whole person once more. All born into our era, our family, our body. We can only be ourselves and accountable for ourselves. He needed to know I loved him, and that I’d come to him. 

Was it selfish of me to walk away after we confessed our love? I wasn’t sure. I just knew it was important for us both to grow from our experiences. So be that rare kind of true love and this bond will be eternal. That I promise him.

With a deep breath, I shifted my attention to my phone and decided to send the message before I doubted myself again. 

Me: I love you, mochi. 

Before I could even set my phone down, it buzzed in my hand with a new message. 

Mochi 🍡: I love you, angel.

The crushing weight that I felt gripping around my heart lifted as I read Noah’s message over and over again. Although we were apart for the time being, we would be alright because we loved each other. I lay here in deep thought and my mind wandered back to my primal need for intimacy.  There is that feeling of maturity, the admittance of being in love with Noah. It arrived without fanfare. Our souls were humble travelers and I could feel the bruise begin to form on my shoulder, so desperate to feel him again.

Salem rubbed his head against my arm and I brought him into my chest, peppering his face in kisses. 

“We can meet in the middle, body and souls collide. Dance in the moonlight,” I muttered to myself. 

Noah and I have a long road together, and it’s one I wanted to last. 

A knock sounded on my door before it opened slowly, Chase's stern smile on his lips. 

Uh oh. 

He leaned against the door frame. "Sweets, I love you. You know I do. But you're fucking killing me with the paint on the carpet in the dining room." 

I knew it. 

"I'm sorry! I know, I know.” I nodded with a long sigh. “It's just the lighting in my bedroom sucks compared to the light in the dining room. I'll put down a drop next time."

Malcolm came into my room, laying a kiss on Chase’s cheek before falling onto the end of my bed somehow missing the mess I created with my writing. 

“Don’t be so hard on her, Chase,” Malcolm said before motioning to my bed. “How’s the writing going?” 

I shrugged. “It’s going, I guess. I think my mind is so preoccupied with the next few weeks that it’s hard to focus.” 

“Excited?” Chase questioned. 

“Excited?” I scoffed. “I’m fucking ecstatic. In less than twenty-four hours I’m going to meet one of my idols and tour with him for two weeks.” 

Malcolm spoke next. “Feeling confident with the setlist?” 

“Yeah! I think we’ve got a good amount of songs and I’m stoked to perform Eyelids live. I think it will be a great way to tease the new album.” 

I’d been very apprehensive to put one of the newer songs on the set list only because some fans weren’t supportive of Eyelids or St. Patrick when they first came out. But Hollow Souls were evolving into a new era and we couldn’t continue to be stuck in the past. 

“Ethan said the bus will be here to pick us up by noon tomorrow,” Chase informed. “Are you all packed and ready?” 

I pointed to the three suitcases at the other end of my room but as Salem jumped off my lap to go lay with Malcolm, I realized something important. 

"Oh, shit. I forgot to see if someone can take care of Salem,” I chastised myself. 

I didn’t miss the glance the two of them shared and raised a brow as Malcolm spoke up.  "Already taken care of."

“You asked Noah, didn’t you?” I couldn’t help the smile that crept on my face. 

“Maybe,” he shrugged while giving Salem some belly rubs. 

Chase rolled his eyes before pushing himself off the door frame and sitting next to Malcolm. “Of course we did. Who else would you ask?” 

“I could have asked Jolly or Jesse. I didn’t want to put this on Noah,” I admitted with a shaky breath. 

“Well, he’s basically Salem’s dad now,” 

“Malcom!” I smacked his shoulder. 

“I’m just saying,” he chuckled while rubbing his arm. 

“We’re not official yet, guys,” I ran a hand through my hair before pulling my knees to my chest. “Please don’t do that.” 

“No way,” Chase shook his hand as Malcolm rested a hand on his thigh. “We’re not doing that. You need to think of the positives. You two said you love each other. Soon you will find your way back to one another.” 

“I love your optimism,” I said while playfully rolling my eyes. 

“Hey, smart ass. We know these things,” Malcolm snorted while still playing with Salem. 

“You do, huh? Do you have connections to the other side?” I teased. 

“We were watching a show last week about alternate universes and shit. It made me think that maybe there’s more of us out there, ya know?” he squeezed Chase’s knee. “Who the hell knows, maybe you and Noah fucked one night, magically fell in love, and went on the road with him. By the end of it, you moved into an apartment that’s right across the street from his house because you couldn’t fathom being away from him,” Chase spoke with a smirk.

My face reddened as I shifted my gaze downwards. “Wow, that’s-uh-you really thought about that.”

Malcolm laughed. “Or what if in another life, Noah walked through literal flames for you.” 

I snorted at that thought because there was no way Noah would risk his life to walk through a fire to save my life, even if I was hanging from a building. 

“Now you’re talking about shit people read in romance novels. Did my long-lost brother start the fire as well?” 

Malcolm narrowed his eyes at me. “I’m just saying, the two of you will find your way. We’re proud of you and how far you’ve come. You and Noah will grow together.”  

My heart jumped in my throat at how sincere Malcolm sounded and the way Chase’s eyes danced as he stared at me. 

“Thank you guys. That means a lot to me,” I smiled. 

“Always sweets, always,” Chase kissed my forehead. “You’re the miracle Noah needed, you know?” 

“I think he was the miracle I needed as well,” I admitted. 

READER

“Wow, Dallas. You are all such beautiful souls tonight. I cannot express our gratitude for all the support we’ve been getting this tour. We’re only four shows in and we’re having the best fucking time. Thank you,” I smiled into the microphone while tucking a long strand of blonde hair behind my ear. 

The crowd cheered wildly as Chase pounded the foot pedal of his drum, the beat making my heart thump hard in my chest. It was night four of the tour and even though it was straight show after show and I was exhausted, I let the energy from the crowd up me hype to finish tonight strong. 

The support of this tour had been fucking outstanding. Every show was sold out and we even had to move our last show into a bigger arena due to high demand. The three of us were so unbelievably proud of the direction we were headed and we didn’t want to look back. 

“Before we play our last song, I think we need to show our opener some love!” I said into the microphone. 

The crowd clapped and screamed but I frowned while shifting my weight on one foot while shaking my head. 

“That’s pretty weak. I want the fucking roof to blow off of here. Let’s hear it for nothing, nowhere!” 

Chase and Malcolm played an in-sync beat as the crowd screamed, cheered, clapped, and jumped up and down. 

“That’s better.” I nodded with a smile while adjusting my guitar. “Not many know this but I’m such a huge fan of nothing, nowhere so to be here touring with him has me fangirling pretty hard right now.” 

I peered over to the side stage where Joe was leaning, watching our set with a smile. We met a few days ago and even though I did my best to keep my composure, I was a giddy girl on the inside. He and Malcolm had a lot in common which made them click almost immediately which made tour life easy for all of us. 

“So,” I cleared my throat while staring back out toward the crowd. “Our final song is a new one and I’m so excited to perform it in front of all of you. Our new album White Noise will be released in a few months. It’s different than our first three but we promise that it’ll be worth it.” 

As the crowd clapped and cheered, I smiled. “My friends, thank you. This song is   called Eyelids.” 

As we began the song over the loud cheers of excitement, I let my eyes flutter shut as yet again, memories of mine and Noah’s night flashed in my mind. 

"Noah," I breathed while breaking apart from the kiss.

He buried his face into the crook of my neck to breathe me in. "Say it again."

I did, over and over like a mantra, as he left a mark on the skin of my neck while his hand switched to the other breast, mimicking his actions from before. The wetness that pooled between my legs was almost a new feeling, never been this turned on.

With one touch I could have sworn he entered my soul. As if my body was his key. He entered me and it fit, pun not intended. Not a thing of metal nor gold, Yet a sensation of love that came.

"I want to hear you," he left a gentle bit on the inside of my thigh

I used the small break-in lyrics to let out a deep breath, doing my best to remain centered so I could finish the rest of the song strong

Noah was in every aspect of my mind, no matter how hard I tried to focus on the song. 

His fingertips, his eyes, his lips on every inch of skin, or the way Noah steadied our breaths. “Breathe through it with me.” 

I did as he said, both of us breathing out my orgasm as our eyes locked intently with each other. I writhed against him, my arousal soaking the condom and parts of his hips. It was such a simple action but the way it set my body on fire intensified the aftershocks to something I'd never experienced. Noah stared down to the place where we met and with a noisy moan, he wrapped an arm tighter around me to pull me flush against his chest as his hips stilled for a second before he emptied himself inside the condom.

Through his sweet words and the resolution of my survival self to never let anyone else sit at my core. He was already there.

As the song ended and I thanked the crowd with a bow, I thought how relieved I was to discover my pure self. That this with Noah could be real love. There was no temptation to change because it was our real selves that bonded us. It is our real selves that each other loves.

That night, I walked away from him without listening to his pleas but now, we were different. We had grown together, for each other.  

Tonight, I vowed then and there under the bright lights of this stage that I’d stay.

I would always stay with Noah. 

“Kick ass show tonight, guys!” Joe cheered while giving us a round of high-fives. 

I smirked while whipping out my phone. “Thanks, Joe! Give me a few minutes and we can head to karaoke.” 

Malcolm rolled his eyes. “Whose time zone is it tonight?” 

“Mine” I smirked into my phone while I quickly typed out a message. 

 Me: I love you, mochi.

“Oh,” a hand with a rose tattoo waved in front of my face. “Who has you smiling like that?” 

Playfully narrowing my eyes at Joe, I stuck out my tongue at him. “Someone is nosy.” 

Just then a new message popped up and my heart fluttered when I saw Noah’s response. It was the same response for the last week but every time, my smile spread wide on my face. 

Mochi 🍡: I love you too, angel.

When I went to put my phone back into my pocket, it vibrated with a new message, this time it was a video from Noah of Salem lying on a couch, one I hadn’t seen before. 

“Salem, say hi to your mom. She misses you,” Noah’s voice came from the background. 

I broke out in an even bigger smile and giggled when my cat did not move, didn't even bat an eye as Noah scratched behind his ears. But the music playing in the background suddenly caught my attention. 

The lyrics sounded so familiar. 

“Gave you way too many chances but it wasn't enough.” 

I replayed the video a few more times to make sure. 

“No way,” I muttered, not paying attention to the conversation behind me with Joe, Malcolm, and Chase. 

I quickly sent a text to Noah. 

Me: Hi Salem baby! Mom misses you! Also, I hear something in the background. Is it..?

Mochi 🍡: He’s napping. He had a long day of playing outside. 

My brow peaked. 

Me: You took him outside?

Mochi 🍡: Don’t worry, angel. We had him on a harness and leash. He loved laying in the sun on the back patio. 

“Sweets, let’s go!” Chase called from behind. “The karaoke place closes in like an hour!” 

I waved him off before texting Noah back. 

Me: I trust you with him, Noah. But what’s that playing in the background of your video? 

He responded with another video and when his face graced my screen, my heart jumped into my throat. 

Fuck. Me. 

Mochi 🍡: I can’t wait for you to hear the final version. 

“Well, who’s that?” 

Joe peered over my shoulder causing me to jump slightly while clutching the phone close to my chest. 

“Geez, can’t a girl get some privacy?” I asked with flushed cheeks. 

The image of Noah in that video played in my mind on a fucking loop and I suddenly did not want to go out with the guys tonight. 

Joe raised a brow. “Oh, that’s him?” 

Malcolm looked between Joe and me, noticing how red my face was. “What the hell did Noah send you?” 

“No-nothing. Just a video of Salem,” I stammered at first but was quick to recover.  

Chase’s mouth parted to speak but soon his eyes turned dark, jaw clenching as he stared past me. 

“What’s wr-,” I didn’t get a chance to ask because an all too familiar voice crept deep into my bones, ripping me apart from the inside out.

“You still have that fucking cat?” 

My heart sunk low to the depths of my stomach and I let my eyes flutter shut, all the breath leaving my lungs. 

No. No. No. Please, not here. Not now.

“He can’t be,” I shook my head while keeping my eyes trained hard on Chase, doing my best to stay centered. 

Do as Dr. Poulos says; deep breath in for three seconds, long breath out for four seconds.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Malcolm spat while stepping in front of me. 

“I needed to come to check out the new Hollow Souls,” the deep voice chuckled darkly. 

I didn’t miss the venom in his words. 

But I never turned around, simply kept my gaze straight on Chase who still refused to look at me; his own hard gaze was trained on the man behind me. Joe noticed the sudden tension and rested a gentle hand on my elbow. 

“Y/N?” His words were white noise. 

I’m imagining this. He’s not here right now. There’s no way. 

“You looked good on that stage, baby. Although, I bet you’d look even better in the back of it.” 

No. No. No. 

A sharp whistle. “I know you hear me.” 

“What the hell are you doing here? Why are you here?” Chase’s voice was thick with anger. 

The voice that I spent so many days in therapy talking about let out a low scoff. 

“What? I came to see my protégé.” 

Malcolm pushed me towards Joe. “Can you take her back to our bus? We’ll be there soon.” 

I shook my head feverishly with tears brimming in my eyes, my back still to the one I refused to look at. 

“No. It’s not worth it. Please guys,” I begged while Joe wrapped an arm around my shoulder. “Please come with me.” 

Chase’s eyes softened when he finally peered down at me. “It’ll be okay, sweets. We’re just going to talk; promise.” 

“Come on,” Joe urged my frozen state a few steps. 

Until that darkness pulled me back into the place I spent many days dragging myself out of. 

“Oh, it seems as if you’re back to your old ways. Fucking the opening act, huh? How does good ‘ol Noah feel about that?” Trey did the jerking-off gesture at Noah’s name.

“FUCK YOU!” I screamed as I spun on my heels, Joe’s arm falling away from me. “Don’t you dare say his name. You haven’t earned the right to talk about him!” 

Those cold eyes that I swore at one point I’d have a future with bore into my soul as he ran a hand through the curly locks on his head. Trey smirked wickedly at me. 

“I should call him up. Better yet,” He stuck a cigarette on his lips. “Maybe I’ll send him the video I took of you two ogling each other while you were on stage.” 

I took a step towards Trey but Malcolm held out his arm to stop me, only for me to push it away. 

“Go ahead! You have absolutely no fucking idea what you’re talking about. We should have had you fucking blacklisted,” my upper lip curled, barring my teeth. 

“Good luck, baby. My name gets me places, I can’t help it. Plus, I needed to come see my protege. Since I fucking made you,” Trey twirled his hand towards me with a snide smirk. 

“MADE ME?!” My eyes doubled as my voice roared through the dwindling venue as fans slowly took their time leaving. 

The stagehands and crew members paused their work to watch my outburst. 

I took a deep breath to center myself again, not wanting to create a scene right now when there were still so many prying eyes.  “Well, I’m glad you enjoyed the show. We’re doing fine without you.” 

Turning my back to him yet again, I allowed Joe to lead me away with a hand ghosting over my lower back; until Trey’s voice stopped me. 

“You’re so broken you don’t even trust yourself.”  

“Y/N,” Joe’s voice was soft as he shook his head. “It’s not worth it. Come-.” 

“Excuse me?!” I turned swiftly on my heels, hair whipping over my shoulder. 

Trey shrugged while reaching for a strand of my hair, twirling it between his fingers. “You heard me.” 

I smacked his hand away, the noise echoing loudly backstage. “No. No, I don’t think I did. Say it again.” 

“You’re broken.” Now his hands were in his pocket, a lit cigarette hanging loosely on his lips. “That uh- that new song? That's about him, isn’t it? Where is he?”

Trey made a show of looking around backstage. “I don’t see him anywhere. Oh, let me guess. You demolished it right? ‘Cause we all know you can’t have a perfect thing without doing that.” 

My hands curled at my side, knuckles turning white from how hard my nails dug crescent moon shapes into my palm.  

“You don’t know a fucking thing about me, Trey! You never did and you don’t know a fucking thing about Noah, okay?”

“I don’t need to. I know enough,” Trey blew the smoke towards Malcolm. 

Before he could take a step towards him, Chase wrapped an arm around his chest to pull him away. 

“You know he has asthma, you piece of shit!” I pushed Trey hard in the chest. “No. No! No! You’re not going to do this.” 

“Do what? We both get off on hurting other people,” Trey snickered while taking a step toward me. “I tell you the fucking truth. You’re on the stage singing your pretty little lullabies and maladaptive daydreams because I let you! And you know what else? That little Sykes wanna be?” 

When he made the gesture of sucking a dick, I nearly gagged in my mouth at how disgusting and vulgar Trey actually was. 

Anger filled my veins as he continued to spew his venom. Every single thing Trey said was meant for one thing; to hurt and destroy. He’d spent years perfecting it and before, I’d swim in it. 

Now? Now I was different and I wasn’t afraid of standing up to him. 

“No! Shut the fuck up!” I ran a wild hand through my hair before pointing a finger at him. “You were such a poison that I should have avoided. Every single part of you. I thought you wanted to save me but in the end, all you did was break me!” 

Tears fell from my eyes and I was quick to wipe them away. I refused to cry in front of everyone; especially Trey. He didn’t get the privilege to break me. Not again. 

“How dare you reach out your hand? You said you loved me but acted like you hated me,” I choked on a sob. “I should have run but I didn’t.” 

Trey flicked the ashes on the ground at my feet with a fake pout on his lips but before he could say anything I pointed another finger into his chest causing him to stumble back.

“No! I have to get this off my chest! There’s more shit I have to say!” 

I could feel the proud smiles of Chase, Malcolm, and even Joe as they all flanked behind me. Not stepping in but still wanting to be close in case they needed to. 

“You’re not half the man you think you are! You’re not! You’re abusive, an addict, and I hated the way you would make me feel. Everything I did was under a constant microscope with you.” 

I began to list things on my fingers. “I couldn’t dress the way I wanted. I couldn’t talk to who I wanted. I couldn’t even fucking talk about things that I enjoyed because if it didn’t involve you, it wasn’t important. In the beginning, you needed to know my every single fucking move. But the one night you went out with your friends and I asked where you were going, you thought it would be funny to choke me!” 

“What the fuck?!” Chase roared while stepping up next to me. 

I placed a hand on his chest but kept my eyes on Trey. “I’ve outgrown you, I fell out of every trace of love and respect for you, Trey. I’ve moved fucking past you. Yes, in the beginning, I thought that maybe there might have been a chance for us. But you found yourself on drugs and nicotine. A hollow body like a figurine and I always felt like an accessory.” 

Joe turned his head towards me with a small smile on his lips. 

“Looking back now, I can see it. You always tried to put me in the background. I wasted so much fucking time on you and you wasted so much Hollow Souls time. You held us back for so long because you thought you knew what was best for us.”

A muscle in Trey’s jaw ticked. “I fucking made you. I made this band.” 

I rolled my eyes while crossing my arms over my chest. “Oh, please. Everyone knows that Hollow Souls was my idea. I was the one who asked Chase and Malcolm to join. I wrote the songs. I wanted to produce our songs but you immediately shot that idea down claiming it was too much work and not worth it.” 

Thankfully, it was long after our show ended and the main part of the venue had cleared out but there were still workers backstage as they tore down our equipment. They acted like they weren’t listening to our fight but I knew that with the glances our way every so often, they heard everything. 

“You always wanted to change shit that didn’t need to be changed,” he snarled. 

I held my arms out wide. “And look where I’m at? Every show on this tour is sold out. We had to upgrade to a bigger venue because of high demand.” 

“What?” Trey tossed his cigarette to the ground. “Do you want a fucking medal for that?” 

I stepped on the bud of the cigarette, stepping right up into Trey’s space. “You fucked with my head knowing that I couldn't take it and for that, I can't forgive you. I’ll never forgive you.” 

Chase waved over security as my final words relieved the weight that I didn’t know was on my shoulders. I thought that the last time I saw Trey I wouldn’t need to say my peace but saying it now, I felt as if I could breathe easier. 

“I don’t need you to forgive me, Y/N.” He scoffed. “Noah will never love you and that you won’t blame me for.” 

My lips twitched in a smile as I breathed through the last of my stray tears. “You’re wrong, Trey. He does love me, and I love him. You won’t disturb my peace anymore, never again. I’m moving on, and I’m happy. You should be sad, and truly I feel sorry for you.” 

I took a step back to stand in between Chase and Malcolm just as security snuck up behind Trey. 

“I hope you choke in your sleep while you're dreaming of me. I fucking hope when you suffocate in your sheets that I'll be the last thing you see. Goodbye, Trey,” 

My hands shook at my side, something that Joe noticed so he gave them a reassuring squeeze. 

One of the security guards grasped Trey’s elbow to drag him out but he ripped it from the guy's grasp. Trey eyed all four of us, his gaze lingering on me a few seconds longer than the others before he spat on the ground at my feet. 

The old me would have let that bother her. But the new me simply smirked as I watched security escort Trey out of the building. 

Ethan came up to us in haste as he looked back towards Trey. “What the fuck was he doing here?!” 

Malcolm made sure that Trey was out of sight then turned towards Ethan, pointing a stern finger at him. “Do whatever you can to get that piece of shit blacklisted from any Hollow Souls shows in the future.” 

“Bad Omens too,” I nodded firmly. 

Chase cupped my cheek. “Sweet, are you alright?” 

Through tears, I nodded. “I’m okay. I didn’t realize how badly I needed that.”

“How do you feel?” He had a faint smile on his lips.

I gnawed on my bottom lip, really thinking about Chase’s question. 

Relief. 

This felt like a new wave of freedom. Something I’ve yet to experience in a long while. A new form. 

I looked back at my new friend and then at my brothers; my family.  Those who bring a sense of love into my life. We can make choices to care for the self and still be kind. I had so much to say to him. It felt good to release it- yet; still I killed him with kindness. Something he’d never dare show me.

You can care better for others from strength than weakness. 

At the expense of my own comfort. It’s a prudence with integrity that awaits the right moment to be brave. I felt brave. 

I was ready for my new beginnings.

Joe motioned behind me. “Come on, I’ll walk you to your bus.” 

While Malcolm and Chase hung back to talk more with Ethan about what happened I allowed Joe to lead me outside. The cool night air danced around me with a comforting touch and I let it ease my heated skin. As I made the walk towards where the bus was, Joe had other plans and dragged me to a bench at the back of the venue. 

“What?” I asked. 

“Sit.” When I didn’t move, Joe nodded to the bench behind me. “Sit down, Y/N. Take a breather. I can see the rage in your eyes and the vein in your neck is doing a weird twitch thing.” 

Instinctively, my hand went to my neck, rubbing at it, before sitting on the bench with a long breath; Joe doing the same. 

We let a long beat of silence fall between us and with the sudden breeze of cold air, I shivered and covered my bare arms suddenly wishing I didn’t wear the dress with skinny straps. 

“Cold?” Joe wondered. 

When I nodded, he handed over his jacket which I took gratefully. “I’ll make sure to give it back to you.” 

“Good,” he snorted playfully. “Because it’s my favorite.”

I chuckled while easing onto the bench, now warm. “About what happened inside with Trey-.”

Joe bumped his shoulder with mine. “Don’t even worry about it. I’ve been through something similar. I did love how you threw in lyrics from Clarity in Kerosene. ”

I rubbed my hands on my thighs, suddenly nervous. “Uh, yeah. Your album Reaper means a lot to me so it felt therapeutic in a way.” 

We sat for another long while, enjoying the quiet that shocked us for being in the middle of the city. It was in the middle of the night but neither of us was complaining. 

“It’s an honor doing this tour with you, Joe. I’ve been a fan for so long.” I smiled at him.

“Hey, the honor is all mine,” he ran a hand through his hair with a sheepish smile. “Hollow Souls has been on my playlist for a long time.”

A familiar memory of long ago crept into my mind of someone saying the same thing. 

“We're huge fans of Hollow Souls. Noah has your music on the playlist we play during the wait time for our shows.”

 “Ya know, someone else told me the same thing the first time I met him,” I said with a warm smile. 

Joe’s brow peaked. “Yeah? Seems like I’ll have to meet this someone.” 

Noah flashed in my mind now; his infectious smile, his bright almond eyes, and the sound of his laughter made my heart flutter. Even though he was hundreds of miles away, our souls were always connected. It was as if he was sitting right here with me. I could feel the ghost of his hand on my thigh and his lips on mine. 

“I love you, angel,” those eyes glimmered as he watched me. 

“Hm,” I hummed while bumping my shoulder with Joe’s again. “Maybe someday.” 

READER

As I stepped out of the bathroom, towel-drying my long locks, I sighed in content and made work of getting ready. It was an off day but I had no plans, something I intended to keep so much so that I was dressed in a pair of Bad Omens joggers and a black crop top tank. My typical stay-home outfit. 

Just when I was about to load up my laptop to continue writing, there was a persistent knock on my hotel room door. It wasn’t Chase or Malcolm since they mentioned to me earlier that they were spending the day doing a joint interview and then getting something to eat. 

Some would think it was weird that I wasn’t going to an interview with them but Hollow Souls were all for doing our own separate interviews or joint. I did my fair share of solo ones, the same with Chase and Malcolm. I actually had one planned in a few days so I wasn’t too upset about skipping out on this one today. 

“Joe?” I asked while leaning against the open door. “What’s up?” 

He smiled while giving me a once-over. “Good, you’re dressed. Grab your things and let’s go.” 

“Go where?” My brows furrowed. 

“We’re not going to waste the day away inside. I have our whole afternoon planned,” Joe adjusted his hat. 

“You do, huh?” I chuckled while leaving him on the threshold of the open door so I could grab my things, not wanting to forget the small camera I brought along for this tour, and slipped on a pair of white Converse.

With the door closed behind me, I let Joe lead me toward the elevator where we waited for it. 

“There’s this sunflower field I was thinking we could check out,” Joe said. 

“That sounds nice,” I smiled while we both stepped into the elevator. 

“Hilary sent it to me this morning and said it would be a great place to clear your head with what happened last night,” he informed. 

“Did you tell her-?” I chewed on the inside of my cheek as the elevator descended. 

Joe quickly shook his head. “Nope. I only mentioned how you needed to clear your head.” 

“Thank you,” I breathed when the doors opened. 

For the next few hours, Joe and I enjoyed the peacefulness of the sunflower field. We laughed, we joked, and he told me about his life growing up as I did the same. He also told me about an ex of his that messed him up mentally causing him to hide away for a year. 

“I had to cancel shows because the depression and panic attacks were so bad I had to seek treatment,” Joe said as we neared the end of the sunflower maze. “I went to hospitals, sat with monks in Buddhist temples, and went to therapy. I was so mad that someone took years out of my life.” 

I smiled solemnly. “I understand what that’s like.”

“Therapy told me that I need to stop hating the world and hating myself. I found someone who showed me what love is and I’ll forever be grateful for her,” Joe said. 

“She sounds like a lovely person, Joe. I’m glad you were able to find your happy ending.”

We came to a stop in front of a large patch of sunflowers with him a few spaces in front of me. 

“Hey,” I called after him, beckoning him to turn around so I could take a picture of him. 

His black hood was pulled over his hat and a small bag crossed over his chest. Although he didn’t smile on his lips, I could see it in his eyes. 

“It seems like you found your own happy ending,” Joe noted. 

My cheeks burned as I waved him off. “Oh, no. Not yet. We’re not official.” 

“But you text each other every night at 10 o'clock to say I love you?” 

“It’s-,” I pursed my lips while looking around the field. “Complicated”. 

Being in an open field like this, the breeze blowing through my hair, made me remember the last time I was in a place of solace like this. 

Earlier that day. 

"Noah?" I asked while looking up at him through lashes.

"Yes, angel?"

"You have a cute nose," my voice was quiet. 

Noah tilted his head to the side. "My nose?"

"Yeah. It's just the perfect size for your facial structure," I booped his nose. 

"Did-did you just boop my nose?" Noah chuckled with a scrunched face.

"See!" I pointed to him. "You look so fucking cute; it's insane."

"Angel, literally.” 

"Mochi, literally," I mocked while sticking out my tongue. 

Joe’s soft voice brought me out of the memory and I blinked at me. “Hm, I’m sorry. Did you say something?” 

“Do you want to be with Noah?” He asked his question again while gripping the strap of his bag. 

“More than anything,” I answered without missing a beat. 

He shrugged. “Then what’s holding you back?” 

I licked my lips while shifting on my feet. “It’s not as easy as you think. After that party, so much happened and things were said that I can’t exactly forget. I was hurt and needed time away.” 

“So you just left?” 

Hearing the reality of what I did from someone else made the guilt eat away at my insides and my heart sunk low. 

“I needed to get my head together,” I defended while adjusting the black beanie on my head. 

“Do you guys even talk? Besides the usual 10 p.m. texts?” Joe asked. 

Not wanting to speak, I shook my head with a long breath. 

“Y/N, this might not be my place, but that wasn’t very fair of you to do that.”

I bit my lip, not trying to snap at Joe because all he was doing was being a good friend; something I needed. 

“My therapy session is tomorrow. I didn’t need it today,” I sighed while running my hands up and down my thighs. 

“My friend, you do,” Joe snorted. “Why are you so afraid of committing to this?” 

I played with the string of my joggers, really mewling over his question. Noah and I moved past all the bullshit and we’re ready to finally be together. So what was I so afraid of?

With a wobbly lip, I let out a shaky breath and met Joe’s eyes. “I just don’t want to disappoint him, I don’t want him to ever feel like I don’t support him or something.”

He squeezed my arm. “I don’t think you can. If you’re both more than aware that you’re human beings, Y/N.” 

“Understandable,” I nodded. “But I don’t want him to know how flawed I can be.” 

“It’s vital to face hard facts and choose to be present, honest, and mindful of what’s happening in the life of your relationship. You guys aren’t even official yet and you’re worrying about shit that you don’t need to.”

Birds chirping were muted by the sudden commotion of a group of people arriving at the sunflower patch but neither Joe nor I moved from the end of the maze we finished a while ago.

“You’re not robots, Y/N.” He began. “Erase any confusion or doubt surrounding your needs so you can learn to powerfully communicate your needs. You both need to talk. Get it out of yourselves, don’t curl up with shit alone. Don’t do that to him. Don’t assume the worst about him, especially when you haven’t even discussed things properly.” 

I crossed my arms over my chest while shifting all of my weight to one foot. “I never even noticed. In hindsight, I thought I was doing something validating. Turns out I hurt him numerous times, and he still did nothing but try to love me. Even when I wasn’t perfect. I left him alone in that hotel room because things became to real. I left him the night of the party because we both admitted we love each other. And I do. I love him, Joe. I love him so much. I want us to work. But I don’t understand why I keep leaving him. I don’t want it; I just do.” 

Joe gave me a warm smile. “I know, Y/N. You should talk to your therapist about this. I think she can give you more insight than I can offer but just know I understand. You need to approach Noah and this relationship with a loving spirit, believing that he will love you and we want to satisfy you in every way. That he is deserving of your love and kindness even if things feel too good to be true. Feel it out, you’re probably that good of a fit.”

I playfully rolled my eyes. “Joe, I don’t need another therapist.”

He snorted. “No, you don’t, but I’d like to think I’m your friend and I’m telling you, that doing this to someone you love isn’t fair. Noah deserves to communicate with you too. I haven’t met the guy or seen the two of you together but from what you told me I already know.  He fucking loves you, Y/N.”

“I love him too, so fucking much, okay? I do,” I admitted with tears in my eyes. 

“I’m not saying you don’t/. I don’t know everything but, from my experience and what I’ve learned, shit like this can ruin a perfectly good relationship because we simply don’t tell ourselves the truth.”

I cocked my head to the side confused. “Truth about what?” 

“About why you’re subconsciously running,” Joe said. “You’re scared shitless and this avoidance can lead to procrastination that delays dealing with damaging stressors on or within your relationship. It did until the pipe finally burst at the birthday party.” 

“Should I be paying you by the hour?” I joked with a small chuckle.

“If you want to,” he snorts. “No, but come on. If you want him to be there for you, to be your everything, then you have to give half as well.” 

“I know. I want to. I’ve been feeling so sick lately without him.” 

It was true. 

Noah and I seemed to have been brought together by this unknown force. The universe? Maybe: we didn’t believe in high powers, yet also knew we weren’t alone. 

Staggered over weeks, months, or years. In this time the pain of our separation was an act as a focusing lens. The point was to give each other time to see the purity of our love, to be sure that there can be only one lover for this lifetime. 

Seems silly, especially in this era. Yet, it’s how I feel. I just know.

I get almost neurotic to my knees. I know that I must get enough sleep. He made a sham of my pain. I feel like I blew a hole in my heart with an ice-cold magnum. 

Why, when he’s not around I feel lonely when there’s company around. I’m not lost, but I have been found. That level of emotional indifference is not a mark of superiority, but the reverse. I was always worth more, I just needed to educate myself as to how and why.

It hit me. My body yearned for the other half of me.  The lovers who are right for one another take away the other pain naturally, by virtue of who they are the strength of their loving bond.

I couldn’t wait to embrace him again.

Joe peered over his shoulder, noticing a group of people slowly reaching us so he motioned for me to start walking in step with him. “Of course you do. It’s like half of your entire body is ripped apart and begging for the other half back.”

I smacked his arm. “Yes, exactly like that! Even though we’re far apart from each other right now, I still know subconsciously what he’s doing without actually knowing.”

“Exactly. So you two need to talk together about what you’re facing. Discuss the realities and your key concerns. Listen to each other and reflect on what you hear for optimal understanding. Be curious and open-minded concerning each other’s ideas and solutions for relief and change. If you love him, meet him in the middle like you’re saying in the song, Y/N. Don’t just use words, act too.”

We reached the rental car and Joe leaned against the driver's door. “What do you want this song to do; to say?” 

My forehead creased as I put deep thought into Joe’s question. “I think I want to expose the vulnerability. I’m kind of like star light. Maybe it can guide the way to the ones who must travel by night. The ones who don’t know that there is something special waiting for you if you keep pushing forward.” 

Joe bumped his fist with mine. “I love that, a reminder for people. However, it’s not just about that.”

“No, no it isn’t,” I chuckled. “It’s special that we aren't so different, him and I. Somehow together we are balanced. As yin and yang, but a perfect match. All I want is for him to ask me to stay again, and I’ll always say yes.”

JOE

The conversation between Malcolm and Chase was muted as we sat at the hotel restaurant, my food going cold a while ago. After my afternoon with Y/N at the sunflower field with our conversation and everything that happened last night, something was weighing heavy on my mind. 

Malcolm must have sensed it because he waved a hand in front of my face. “Everything alright?” 

My eyes snapped up towards him and I nodded. “Oh yeah, yeah I’m good. I’m just reflecting on that whole interaction last night. 

Chase hummed while resting an arm over the back of Malcolm’s chair. “We’re sorry Trey pulled you in the middle of it.”

“It’s fine but he’s a fucking piece of work,” I said. 

Malcolm took a long drink of his beer. “Yeah. He’s always been a piece of shit. It was like that for fucking years. Trey tried to dictate everything she did. What the band did. He was off doing what he wanted when he wanted. Y/N would fall into it time after time until-.” 

“Til Noah?” I asked with a hint of a smile. 

“Yeah,” Chase spoke next. “Have you  ever heard of Bad Omens?”

“I’ve heard their name and listened to a couple of their songs. But I’ve never seen his face until recently,” I said. 

“Did he send her a dirty photo?!” Malcolm’s eyes widened. 

“No!” I shook my head with a chuckle. “Y/N showed me a picture of him in braids.” 

“Oh, that picture,” Chase snorted. 

I continued again. “Noah has a great range and a good ear; talented guy. He seems crazy about Y/N from what she said.”

“Oh, he is. Shit, he’s over the fucking moon and back and everything fucking else. They have some otherworldly shit going on.” 

“Oh yeah? Think so?” I asked Malcolm. 

He shared a look with Chase, both of them smiling. “We know so. Noah made her fucking smile again. Laugh in a way we hadn’t heard in so long. He gave her confidence when she desperately needed it. Y/N became herself again. It’s been so beautiful to watch her hatch from the sick cocoon she was in. Last night was a terrific example. We’re so proud of her.”

“Yeah, that was something; the way she stood up to him. She kicked his ass. I may not have been around or anything for long, but that was awesome to see. I’d like to talk to Noah about it.”

Chase and Malcolm shared yet another look, the former's brows raised as he looked at me.

“You want Noah’s number? That’s a bit random, no?” 

“I just want to formally introduce myself,” I assured them. “To let him know how Y/N was last night and how awesome your record is.” 

“Is that all you want to let him know? Or do you want to make sure Noah knows that you’re not a threat? Because he knows you aren’t. And he also knows that Trey hasn’t come near her,” Malcolm reassured me. 

“No, it’s not even about that,” I leaned forward on the table to rest my arms on it. “I want to keep him in the loop, I have a feeling they’re still working out this what do I say or not say phase. Y/N’s become a friend now, and I’d like to also reach out my hand so he knows things are cool on our end.” 

I shrugged. “Plus, Noah deserves to know how badass she is and that she can take care of herself.”

After dinner, on my way back up to my hotel room, I had my phone in my hand as I worked out the message to Noah. 

Me: Hey Noah, this is Joe. I got your number from Chase and Malcolm. This is a little awkward but I wanted to introduce myself. I’ve actually listened to your band- you’re really talented! The acoustic version of If I’m There was killer, seriously. 

Now in my room, I sat on the edge of my bed to send another text. 

Me: I’m texting you because I’m sure you saw the video of what happened with Trey and Y/N. I will firstly say, she’s fucking awesome! And I’m honored to be on this tour with her and the guys. Incredible musicians and incredible people. Gearing back to the whole Trey situation, he showed up out of nowhere; but I feel it’s important to let you know, at least from my side, that Y/N kicked ass. She stood up for herself and I could see she felt a world of relief.

Only a few minutes went by when Noah texted back. 

Noah Sebastian: Hey Joe, it’s Noah. I’ve heard a lot about you as well. Y/N has been a huge fan of yours for a long time. She was stoked about this tour, and yes she is awesome. Y/N’s special to a lot of us. She’s a genuine person and has a heart of gold; Chase and Malcolm as well. I appreciate your kind words. That means a lot. You know how it is- especially in this industry. And I did see the video, unfortunately. You were there?

I quickly responded to Hilary’s text before typing out my reply to Noah. 

Me: In case she needed support.

Noah Sebastian: Right, thank you for that. I hated what Trey said, I wish I could have stopped it myself but I also know how important it was for Y/N to have closure. I’m so fucking proud of her. 

I let out a loud laugh when I saw the meme Y/N sent me but swiped away the message for right now, continuing to text Noah. 

Me: You should be proud. She’s awesome and she’s over the moon about you. From what I’m told you really lit a fire inside her, and that seems to be shining through. My partner did that for me when I found her and I’m sure it’s the same for you as well. So I just wanted to pass this along and formally introduce myself. I’m sure Y/N will bring this up to you but I wanted to show you how I saw it on my end. I hope we can meet soon.

Me: Oh, also. Hollow Souls new record is going to be sick. What they’ve been working on is sounding great.

I busied myself the next long while getting myself packed since we were planning on leaving in a few hours to head to the next city. Once finished, I realized that Noah texted me back almost instantly after I sent the last text. 

Noah Sebastian: For sure! Thank you so much. I wish I could be there. But, I understand it’s not the right time. I do hope soon we can chill at my place to shoot the shit. Thank you again for sending me a text. Very kind of you and I’m sure we’ll talk soon. I can’t wait to hear her new album. We’re all very stoked about it. We’re also close to releasing our record, I’d love for you to check it out! 

Me: Hell yes!

READER

“And if you and I can make it through the night,” I hummed while sitting in my bunk on the tour bus. 

My laptop was perched in my lap as I loaded up Zoom, clicking on Dr. Poulos’ contact. It wasn’t our usual appointment day or time but with what happened the other day, I felt as if I needed an emergency session. It wasn’t because of the negative parts but for the first time in a long while, I felt good. My spirits were high and nothing could wipe the smile from my face. 

“Well someone seems like they’re in good spirits today.” Dr. Poulos’ voice sang through my speakers. 

Her graying hair was pulled back in a tight bun and she had black glasses perched high on her nose. 

“I am actually,” I smiled, the kind of smile that made the corner of your eyes crinkle. 

She tilted her head. “Care to elaborate?”

I began telling her the entire story of Trey and my afternoon with Joe from top to bottom; from that night up until now. 

“I’m very proud of you, Y/N for standing up for yourself and closing that chapter in your life. And Joe seems like he’s becoming a great friend in the aspect of telling you things you need to hear.” 

“Yeah, he is.” I nodded. 

Although I was in high spirits before this meeting, something shifted in my brain and I began to stare at the keyboard of my laptop. 

“What’s the matter Y/N? You’re slipping into disassociating thought,” Dr. Poulos’ voice brought me back.  

“Nothing,” I had a tight lip smile. 

“Y/N,” she warned. “We’ve talked about this; you need to be open and transparent.”

Reluctantly, I nodded with a sigh. “Okay, well-.” 

When she motioned me on with a nod, I continued. “How- fuck this is embarrassing. How do I stop running away?” 

“Do you grasp that’s what you’ve been doing to Noah?” 

“I do,” I admitted. “But it hasn’t been intentional. I love him, I’m- I just don’t want to become my parents.”

Dr. Poulos’ gave me a small smile. “It’s great that you’re seeking to address this pattern. Building healthy relationships often involves understanding and addressing the root causes of our behaviors.” 

“I’m trying.” 

“It might be helpful to reflect on past experiences and identify any underlying fears or insecurities that may be contributing to your tendency to run away from relationships,” she adjusted her glasses. 

“I know it’s my mother, I know it is. Noah seemed to know it too since he was there that day she reamed into me,” I said. 

Her eyes lit up. “Yes, I remember that day. You were very grateful for him being there weren’t you?” 

“More than anything. He’s my safety when I feel like I have none,” I answered. 

“That’s wonderful Y/N. In Addition, I suggest practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and communicating openly with Noah as your partner, rather than your friend, which can help build a foundation for more fulfilling and lasting connections. I remember you telling me you finally admitted your love for each other,” Dr. Poulos couldn’t hold back the wide smile on her face now. 

“Yes. I do, I do love him and I don’t want to do anything to hurt him. Noah’s already so hard on himself with everything.  I don’t want to be one more thing he’s hard on himself about. I want to help, be his escape, and his safe haven. I want him to trust I’ll stay because I want to; I will always stay.” 

She wrote something down in her journal before resting her chin in her hand as she looked back at me through her screen. “I know, Y/N. You’ve spoken about this often.  Seeking support in this form can also provide valuable insights and strategies for breaking this pattern. I believe the two of you can and you won’t run.”

I ran a hand through my hair, the length becoming a big annoyance lately. “You know so much about this, Dr. Poulos. I don’t know the first thing. I want to be able to communicate with him. Not do what I have been doing.” 

“Y/N, it’s normal. It’s critical that before you speak to Noah, you suspend any assumptions or conclusions that put you at odds with him. You absolutely need to approach him by making a generous assumption; and by giving him the benefit of the doubt. This is what it means to be a team, even when you’re feeling distant. You keep loving even when you are feeling as if you are unloveable. You’re not going to do what you did with Trey.”

“Trey.” 

His name still tasted bitter on my tongue. 

“Yes,” Dr. Poulos nodded. “You got your closure on that chapter. Now this is a new one.

“I can’t shake the fear sometimes. The fear of the feeling coming at me all at once and messing it up,” I shifted in my bunk. 

“What I suggest doing when you are feeling upset or angry is to own your emotions and realize that they stem from your interpretation of the situation, not from the facts of the situation. Your fears and deep-seated beliefs about your own sense of inadequacy, unworthiness, or unlovability often lie at the root of all those negative stories you tell yourself about why life is happening the way that it is.”

“Woah,” I blinked. “That’s-uh-a great observation.”

Dr. Poulos narrowed her eyes at me while steepling her fingers under her chin. “I have an assignment for you.”

“Oh, come on! You know how busy I already am,” I joked with a wave of my hand.

She let out a soft giggle. “Yes, well, this will be fairly simple.”

“Take a moment to challenge your assumptions, and allow the possibility that something completely different could be true. Like that, you are loved! And that with patience and respectful communication, you can experience something exceptional with Noah. You said his album is coming out soon, this party could be a great way to try this. Have you thought about going?”

“Of course! I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said without missing a beat. 

“Wonderful Y/N, see this as an opportunity to vulnerably share something about yourself with Noah, be curious so that you, through this experience, can learn something with him, too.”

I’d be the first one to admit that at first, therapy wasn’t something I thought I needed. It was a waste of time to talk about my feelings with someone who didn’t understand. But right now, I was eating my words. 

“Joe was right,” I said after a few beats of silence. 

“About?” Dr. Poulos shook her head with confusion. 

“Discussing this further with you, thank you it helps,” I ended our session with a large smile. 

READER

“Not to be overly dramatic. I just think it's best. 'Cause you can't miss what you forget.” Joe sang into the microphone. 

I sat in my spot on the couch in the interview space, watching and singing along with a bright smile. 

“So, let's just pretend everything and anything between you and me was never meant,” he finished the song with a long breath. 

I, along with the interviewer, Jackson, clapped as Joe took a seat next to me on the couch. 

“That was phenomenal. We appreciate you being here with us,” Jackson beamed. 

My phone buzzed in my lap and with a glance downward, I felt my face warm at the name. 

Mochi 🍡: You look phenomenal, angel. 

“Thank you,” Joe nodded with a faint smile. “I’m sure I can speak for Y/N that we’re both glad to be here.” 

“It seems like the tour is going pretty well. Every show is sold out. How does that feel for you, Joe? I know Hollow Souls are used to this feeling,” Jackson said while fixing his notes, not looking at me. 

I tilted my head to the side, tongue brushing over my bottom lip. “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

He finally looked my way and shrugged. “It's just that Hollow Souls is already pretty popular. You guys are used to playing in front of a sold-out crowd.”

“Are you saying that nothing, nowhere isn’t? Or did you forget that his last headlining tour had three back-to-back sold-out shows?” I questioned with a raised brow.  

“Well,” Jackson shifted in his chair across from us and looked at Joe. 

He merely ran a hand through his hair. “Number one fan.” 

“So,” Jackson cleared his throat. “Everyone online is begging me to ask you two this but what’s the dating situation? There’s so much chemistry between the two of you in the behind-the-scenes clips you guys post on Instagram. Everyone wants to know; are you two dating?” 

Joe and I shared a look then I made a show of rolling my eyes while crossing my legs. “Just because a male and female artist tour together, doesn't mean they’re dating.”

My phone buzzed again but this time, I opened the message to read it fully. 

Mochi 🍡: Tell him who’s boss, angel. You know who you belong to.

I cleared my throat while setting my phone screen down in my lap just in time for Joe to speak. 

“No, no. I’m spoken for.”

Jackson looked at me. “Y/N?”

“That’s my name, yes. Do you have a question about Hollow Souls or the tour?” I said with slight venom in my voice. 

Typically I didn’t mind interviews but every once in a while, I’d get an asshole of an interviewer that asked all the wrong kinds of questions. 

“Video surfaced online that Trey was at the show a few nights ago and it looked like the two of you were having an intense conversation. Is there a chance he’s joining Hollow Souls again?” 

My face twitched as something inside of me burned. I leaned towards Jackson with narrowed eyes. 

“Here’s what we’re not going to do; we’re not gonna focus on my love life, or personal life. I make art, not headlines. I’m cool because I'm me, and my band is cool. The art is what’s the focus, not anything else. I do feel as if people need to understand that having a private life is my right. I don’t feel comfortable sharing every aspect. Like I said, I make art, not headlines.” 

“That’s a bold statement to make. It comes with the whole fame territory,” Jackson tried to joke. 

“I refuse to allow this time in my life to be touched, tainted, or bastardized by anyone,” I finished while crossing my arms over my chest. 

While Jackson changed his direction and tone of questions towards Joe for the next couple of minutes, I bounced my knee as the anger continued to fest low in my gut until another text came in. 

Mochi 🍡: Fuck I love when you put douchebags in their place. You’re so sexy, angel. Fuck. I’m going to think about you bossing me around all night.

A hot flash of arousal took over every inch of me as I shifted in my spot on the couch, clenching my thighs together to curb the itch that burned there. 

“Everything alright?” Joe wondered when he saw the warmth on my cheeks. 

I cleared my throat. “Yep. Totally fine.” 

It would be so easy to call Noah to have our first phone sex but the thought of messing with him later sounded more fun.

“So, Y/N. I’d love to know what the future of Hollow Souls looks like?” Jackson questioned with a different tone. 

“See? It’s not that hard to ask questions that actually matter,” I teased with a smile. “But I don’t think we found ourselves because we always knew we wanted this style and this direction but we never really had the confidence to do that.” 

“With this record though, we finally have the assurance to know that we can make it work.”

“Is there inspiration behind this new album?” Jackson wondered. 

“I've always been really inspired by dark things and the supernatural for some reason. Ghosts, paranormal stuff, death, anger, sadness.” 

I gave pause when I realized that this wasn’t exactly a happy inspiration. 

“Well, anything that’s not happy basically inspires me, which sounds kinda messed up,” I admit with a laugh. 

“A lot of the new record, I wrote when I was having a really bad time mentally. I don’t like calling it depression but it seemed like that and I couldn’t pinpoint what my issues were, or what was wrong with me but I knew there was something wrong.” 

Joe watched with a proud smile and I knew that there were a few others back home watching with their own proud smile; my heart could feel it. 

“My problems weren’t tangible things, they weren’t things I could see or explain to people so in a way it was like they were ghosts or spirits that were haunting me,” I continued. 

Jackson rubbed his chin. “Why do you think that is?” 

I pursed my lips, thinking about my answer deeply. “I think a lot of people are afraid to put it out there and talk about it but we weren’t. I think that might be a big reason people have connected to the songs that have been released so far. I feel like for anyone who’s sharing feelings of topics like that, it’s a little bit scary but I feel it's more therapeutic and cathartic to write about that stuff, to talk about that stuff and put it out there. You feel better about it. To know that other people can connect to that makes you feel even better. As scary as it at first, it eventually just pays off and turns out to be good in the end.”

“Why do you think people can relate to it?” 

I shrugged. “I guess because our new album is pretty raw and honest. There’s a lot of topics people can relate to and I think it sounds pretty great, if I do say so myself. We’re pretty proud of it.”

Jackson leaned into his chair. “I would like to jump back to the haunting aspect of this album. Can you elaborate on what exactly is haunting you, if you don’t mind.” 

We’d be here all day if I did and frankly, it wasn’t his or anyone who was watching business. 

“I’m becoming a very private person as of late so I don’t need to go into the personal aspects of my life. Just know I’m moving past things, and I’m very content. Dare I say happy with where the future will be.”

Jackson nodded. “Fair enough. Would you say you’re hopeful for what the future will bring?” 

With a bright smile, I looked directly at the camera that had been pointed at us the entire time and winked. 

“Oh yes, more than hopeful.” 

Later on that night, when I was in the solace of the bathroom of the tour bus, I wore the skimpy red lace teddy I bought earlier. The necklace and bracelet glinted under the dim light as I extended my arm to take a variety of pictures; the sly smirk never leaving my lips. 

With four different pictures attached, I quickly typed out a message to Noah right on the dot at 10 p.m. 

Me: You were bold to text me earlier like that, mochi, I could barely contain myself. Here’s a little payback. Hope you’re all flustered and bothered, whatever you’re doing I suppose will have to wait. Dream of me. I love you.

Almost instantly, Noah texted back as I was swiftly changing into my pajamas for the evening. What I thought was one text became four right after the other. 

Mochi 🍡: Matt’s right next to me, angel. What if he saw this?

Mochi 🍡: fuck, my dick is throbbing right now but I can’t do shit about it. Consider this my karma.

Mochi 🍡: I can’t stop staring at the picture. Fuck, you’re gorgeous. Beautiful. A true definition of an angel. 

Mochi 🍡: I’m going to call you in a little bit. I need to hear your voice. I need it. 

Switching off the bathroom light, I walked across the narrow hallway to climb into my bunk and under the covers

Me:  I’m going to bed early tonight. Maybe we can talk on the phone tomorrow. I love you.

By the time Noah responded, I was already in a peaceful, dark slumber.

Mochi 🍡: Fuck, I love you too angel. So fucking much. 

READER

"Wait," Joe shook his head at us. "You guys do this after every tour?" 

Malcolm nodded as he held the door open for all of us. "Every tour. It's become a Hollow Souls tradition."

As we all crowded into the small tattoo shop’s lobby, Joe's eyes brightened with the realization. 

“Oh, so that's why you got the tattoo of the anime character on your ankle.” 

"Yep, I smiled brightly. "Noah and I got them together on my birthday." 

The buzzing was loud in the tattoo shop as I waved at the owner who had no problem staying open late for us tonight. We finished the tour strong tonight with a hype crowd and with the adrenaline still buzzing through us, we decided to get the tattoos as soon as we left the venue. 

Joe shifted on his feet while running a hand through his hair. “You’re positive you want to get the Reaper album art tattooed?”

"This album helped me through some dark times in my life. I need to do it, especially with what happened last week. It’ll be a great way to remember a great tour and the new friend I made,” I answered while bumping his shoulder with mine. 

After we all checked in and waited, Chase ruffled my hair. “It’s almost 10 p.m LA time, sweets.”

"Shit!" I cursed while quickly whipping out my phone from my pocket. "I can't believe I almost missed it!"

Me: I love you, Mochi. Last night of tour went off without a hitch. Currently getting our typical tattoos. I can’t wait to show you what I get. 

I sat on the bed, exposing my left thigh to the artist after she laid down the stencil, and struck up a conversation with everyone as I waited for Noah to respond. Surprisingly, tonight it took him a long while to text back which made my mind wander to what he was up to. My heart didn’t ache and my stomach wasn’t filled with nerves which meant it wasn’t anything terrible. 

After my risque picture I sent him the other day, we never had the chance to talk on the phone, but I knew that it still affected him because any chance he could, Noah would send me risque texts throughout the day.

“Thank fuck,” I breathed when my phone buzzed next to me. 

Mochi 🍡: I can’t wait to see it, angel. Also, sorry it took me so long to respond. I may have taken Salem to the pet store to spoil him with a few things. I hope you know I plan on keeping him for a bit once you’re back home. Mal said you guys will be busy in the studio so no need for Salem to be home alone. I love you too, angel. 

“I would ask who has you smiling like that but it’s pointless. There’s only one person who can do that,” Malcolm snorted while his artist wrapped up his tattoo. 

I stuck out my tongue at him. “Noah told me he took Salem shopping.” 

Chase rolled his eyes playfully. “And you say he’s not Salem’s dad yet.” 

Before I could set my phone down, another message came through; one I read with a fast beating heart. 

Nick R : February 23, 2022. 929 Angelus Street. Turn Right on Luna Ave. Overnight valet is already handled. No, Noah doesn’t know when to expect you. Don’t be late, Cinderella.

Nick R: The theme is red. I think you know why. Do with that what you will.

Oh shit, that was in just over two weeks. Which meant I needed a dress. And new shoes. A new hairstyle wouldn’t hurt either. 

With a smile, I responded back to Nick. 

Me: We will be there! Unlike Cinderella, I have no intention of losing my shoe and missing my Prince Charming.

Nick R: Oh good! We are merely the mice. 

CHASE

I grumbled under my breath as I scrubbed out the fresh red paint out of the dining room carpet. How many times have I told her to put a damn drop down? Y/N’s lucky I know my way around cleaning supplies and know how to get a stain out. 

Malcolm clicked his tongue against his teeth as he leaned against the wall, staring down at me as I continued to scrub on my hands and knees. 

“I must say, I love this sight of you. On your knees.” 

I snapped my eyes up at him. “Not fucking funny, Mal.” 

“I think she’ll be really excited for what Noah has planned,” he noted. 

“Oh she’s gonna lose it! In the best way,” I agreed while continuing to scrub. 

 “I think so too.” Malcolm placed a kiss on my lips before sauntering into the kitchen to get things ready for dinner. “How long do you think Y/N will be?” 

“Not sure,” I ran a hand over my buzzed head then threw in the towel; literally. 

“You know how she is when she’s let loose in the art supply store. I’d be shocked if she made it back before dinner,” I continued while hopping up on the counter. 

Malcolm began setting out the variety of ingredients and I reached for my phone next to me. 

Me: Noah, beware of paint all over the carpet.

Noah S: Already taken care of.

I showed Malcolm the text to which he smirked. “Did we expect anything less from him?”

Me: Good. Because even though I love her to the ends of the earth, paint is a fucking bitch to clean. 

Malcolm handed me a beer, one I took with a kiss of thanks, and slowly nursed it as Noah texted me back. 

Noah S: Here’s the address. I would love it if you and Malcolm come check it out. 

Me: Definitely. Let's plan for Friday?

READER

Standing in front of the bathroom mirror, eyes locked on the things scattered all over the counter, I found myself dissociating into thoughts of earlier today when we were in the studio. We had one last song to record before we started the final touches but this song was the most important. It needed to be perfect. 

I needed to be perfect. 

Which is why 

“Sweets you’ve gone over the verse we can meet in the middle at least ten times now. I think it’s good.”

Chase reassured me as I came out of the vocal booth with a scrunched up face. I did not like how my voice sounded which prompted me to do vocal take after vocal take. 

I fell to the couch in between him and Malcolm. “I need this to be perfect. I hate how my voice is sounding. It can’t sound like this. It can’t.” 

“It sounds amazing, Y/N! I promise,” Malcolm said. 

“I just-,” I ran a hand through my long hair and groaned. “This is so important to me. I want him to know I’m here. And I’m not going to leave him.”

“Noah knows sweets, he knows. He’s so stoked for this record. You know he’ll love it.”

I tossed my hair on top of my head in a messy bun, exhausted with the length. I needed my neck to breathe. It felt as if I was suffocating under the weight of it. 

“Fucking hormones,” I eventually chuckled while wiping tears from my eyes. 

Malcolm gave me a weak smile while rubbing my back. “Any pain today?” 

“A little but not much. It’s bearable.” I informed them. 

Chase nodded while squeezing my knee. “Ok, if you need a break let us know. Don’t push yourself too much. You sound beautiful.”

Salem jumped on the counter, breaking me from my thoughts, and immediately I brought him up in my chest. His green eyes stared up at me in wonder and maybe a little bit of confusion with what he saw.

“Did you have fun with Noah?” I missed you so much,” I cooed. 

Noah dropped him off while we were in the studio, us just missing each other by mere minutes. 

My fingers scratched at Salem’s neck, now realizing the bright red collar and new tag. 

“Oh, dad did in fact spoil you while I was gone. New collar, new tag, a bunch of new sushi toys. Not to mention the bed that can fit a 20 pound dog,” I chuckled. 

My shoulders went rigid when I realized what I just said. 

Dad. 

I just called Noah Salem’s dad. 

Swallowing thickly at the acceptance, I then looked at the new tag and felt my heart jump into my throat; heat spreading from the tips of my toes to my scalp.

Oh my heart. 

Salem Sebastian-L/N. 

And on the front of the tag were symbols I’d never seen before. “Huh, that's weird. What’s with the yin yang and eye symbol?” 

Biting my lip, I set Salem down on the counter and picked up my phone instead, quickly dialing the number I had memorized so long ago. 

Noah picked up after the second ring. “Hi, angel.” 

I twirled a piece of fresh hair around my finger while leaning against the counter. 

“Salem Sebastian-L/N huh?” 

A quick beat of silence. “Yeah. Figured he needed a collar with his full name. I think he likes me, he was quite needy. Is that alright?”

“Definitely alright, mochi,” I smiled into the phone. “Do the symbols have any meaning?

“You’ll know soon, angel.”

“Okay then. Keep your secrets,” I groaned. 

Noah’s infectious laughter made my stomach flip. “Will do, Frodo.” 

“I think we are due for a Lord of the Rings marathon soon. You down?” I bit the inside of my cheek, hopeful for his answer. 

“Always down, especially with you.”

I did my best to hide my excitement and was thankful Noah wasn’t here to see the way I jumped on the soles of my feet. “Wonderful.” 

There was a long comfortable silence before his rich voice came through the speaker. 

“I miss you. I love you.” 

I played with my necklace. “I miss you too, Noah. I love you.” 

“We’ll talk later?”

It was now him who had the hopeful tone. 

“Always,” I nodded even though he couldn’t see me. 

“Okay.”

I could hear the smile in his voice.

“Goodnight mochi”.

“Good night angel.”

As I hung up the phone, Chase and Malcolm both popped their heads into the bathroom. They had an approving smile on their face. 

“Does it look bad?” I asked self-consciously. 

Malcolm was the first to speak. “It looks really good, sweets. We’re proud of you.” 

“New Era coming, huh?” Chase asked. 

“Yeah,” I nodded with a smile. “Yeah I think so. I’m ready for it.”

“Well good. Because we are too,” he knocked on the wall before the two of them disappeared in their bedroom. 

Hooking up the blow dryer, I began to dry my now darker and shorter hair, humming along to a song that had been stuck in my head all day. 

“I was lost but now I’m found.” 

Salem jumped up onto the closed toilet seat, watching me with bright eyes.

“We’re not perfect but we’re proud of who we are,” my voice echoed in the confines of the bathroom.

#noah sebastian #noah sebastian and reader #noah sebastian x reader #noah sebastian reader insert #noah sebastian smut #enemies to lovers #right person wrong time #starcrossed lovers

[ckret2]

Chapter 31 of human Bill grudgingly enduring being the Pines' prisoner because the Henchmaniacs won't take his call: Summerween night! Everyone gets ridiculous costumes!

The Summerween Trickster's buddies are attempting to resurrect him. Robbie's making a music video. Bill's attempting to woo Ford back into friendship, to terrify Dipper with cursed knowledge, and to recover his dignity from THE most gentle chastising imaginable, and he only succeeds in 1 out of 3 of these endeavors:

It's not this one. He's just gotta process these emotions while wearing that stupid wig.

####

Soos was putting the final touches on his cosplay (the suave and mysterious Masked Guy In A Suit, love interest of the heroine from the classic anime Teenage Planetary Soldier Girls) when he heard the phone ring in the office. "Hold on, I'll get it!" He hurried downstairs, ducked under a construction paper chain Mabel had strung over the door, picked up the phone, and said, "Hello?"

A mysterious voice droned, "The sun sets a deep blood red."

"Oh, no thanks, we don't want any." Soos hung up, sighed happily, and said, "Ah, Summerween. Always brings out the weirdos."

"Hey Soos!" Mabel ducked into the doorway. "Where's the candy bowl?"

"Oh, hey Hambone. It's in my bedroom." He put on a stage whisper. "I put it in there so Bill couldn't steal it."

"Thanks Soos!" She ran upstairs.

Dipper and Bill waited downstairs, the tension thick between them (on Dipper's side, anyway; Bill—watching a black-and-white horror movie, sipping at a can of cider, and brooding over going to voicemail—didn't notice). Dipper was waiting by the door in a folding chair; but he kept glancing toward Bill in the living room. When the silence got too much to bear, he asked, "Okay, what are you dressed as?"

Bill was wearing a brown bedsheet toga (the most historically-accurate part of his costume); a cheap wig of a teased mullet that had ended up mostly red with yellow streaks, forming a plume of hair right over his head and then a long straight tail he'd draped over his shoulder; and a bunch of paper faux-Greek homes taped all around the hem of his toga, forming a ring around his calves.

"And are those my sandals?" Dipper asked.

"Take it up with Mabel, she loaned them on your behalf," Bill said. "I'm not telling my costume. You have to guess it."

"Seriously?" Dipper sighed. It had to be a god, gods towered over their mortals' temples. What god would wear brown? "I don't know—Demeter?"

"What? No. Do I seem like the Demeter type? Pathetic." Bill waved off his guess. As Mabel ran downstairs, Bill said, "Hey, Shooting Star, you haven't made your official guess yet."

Without hesitation, Mabel said, "A time-traveling hair metal singer touring the Roman Empire and trying to find a way home before his hair dye runs out."

"Wrong, but I would love to live in the world you've dreamed up." He meandered into the entryway to join Mabel as she plopped down in the second chair by the door.

Dipper screwed up his face. "Are you helping us answer the door?"

"No, you're helping me answer the door. I'm cursed, remember?" Bill leaned over Mabel's shoulder, dug into the candy bowl, and popped a lollipop in his mouth. "But you're not getting rid of me, if that's what you're asking."

Soos headed to the door, cape billowing dramatically behind him. "Hey dudes. Hey Bill." He paused in the door, studying Bill. "Hey! Is that a Bobo the Uncouth Berserker cosplay?"

Bill blinked. "Who?"

"Bobo the Uncouth Berserker! You've gotta read Bobo. He's this primitive hero descended from lost Lemuria who goes on daring adventures through the lush impenetrable jungles of Central Europe. He's got this comic that was so popular it spawned an anime, which got an American movie adaptation, which formed the basis of a second comic continuity that isn't as critically acclaimed as the original but has drawn in a lot of new fans... and..." Soos petered out. "You're not Bobo, are you."

Bill shook his head. "Thanks for playing."

"Aw." Soos's shoulders slumped. "Anyway—me and Melody are gonna be at the cosplay contest at the theater. I'll keep my phone on in case of monsters."

"We'll be fine!" Mabel said. "Go have fun!"

"You too!" With a dramatic flourish of his cape, Soos disappeared into the night.

Bill watched Soos go enviously. He could have been given a human body that looked that good in a suit and top hat, but was he? No. It wasn't fair. And Soos didn't even wear the right hat size.

Dipper glanced sideways at Bill. "Hey. Is... Lemuria real?"

"Not anymore." Bill perked up as Stan passed by, dressed like Frankenstein's monster. "Hey, Stanley! You haven't guessed yet. What am I?"

Stan surveyed him. "White columned buildings, Statue of Liberty dress, and a red clown wig. I dunno, the American government?"

Bill squawked in laughter. "That's my favorite wrong answer so far. I like you, Stanley." He fished a chocolate bar out of the bowl and held it out.

Stan grunted in disapproval, but accepted the candy. "If any of you need me, I'm gonna be up on the roof, terrifying kids." He held up a boombox and a cassette that said "Spooky Sound Effects of Halloween". "If you hear screaming children, don't worry: that means I'm winning."

"Where's your brother?" Bill asked.

"Avoiding you." Stan passed through the living room and left.

Bill's shoulders slumped; but he just dug into the candy bowl for more chocolate. Then the first trick-or-treater knocked on the door, and Dipper jumped up in relief to answer it.

The shack didn't attract quite as many trick-or-treaters as the houses closer to the center of town, but they got a steady stream of children, and more than they'd gotten the year before. Between visitors, Bill dug into their candy stock, gleefully ignoring Dipper's complaints. After the fourth or fifth visitor, Dipper and Mabel realized that Bill was covering up the amount of candy he'd pilfered by meticulously re-folding the empty wrappers and putting them back in the bowl.

"It's fair play," Bill said. He untwisted one end of a Twisty Roll tube, squeezed out the candy, blew into the wrapper to re-inflate it, and twisted the end shut again. "The kids are trick-or-treating, right? Sometimes they get treats and sometimes they get tricks."

"Come on, seriously?" Dipper said. "Even for you this is low. You're literally taking candy from babies."

"The babies are trying to take candy from us. I have no sympathy." With the precision of an origami master, Bill refolded a paper fruit chew wrapper into a box and dropped it back into the bowl.

"They're supposed to take candy from us, that's how the holiday works." Dipper looked at Mabel for support.

But she was holding up an empty 3 Fencers wrapper and squeezing it lightly between her fingers. "Wow. How did you make the wrapper puffy again? It's so convincing."

Bill shot Dipper a nasty smile, then turned to Mabel and said magnanimously, "I'll teach you everything I know." He twirled a glue stick between his fingers.

Another trick-or-treater knocked, and Dipper answered.

"Trick or treat! Please give us the worst candy you have."

Mabel blinked, leaning around Dipper to see who was outside. "Wait, what?"

Outside stood a purple-furred monster with a dozen limbs from a dozen different creatures. He gasped in surprise. "Ohhh, twin costumes! That's so cute! What are you two, haunted dolls?"

Dipper took a surprised step back. "Limby Jimmy?"

The monster was silent a moment, taken aback. He took off a bear mask he'd made out of a paper plate. "Is it that obvious?"

Mabel asked, "Have we...?"

Dipper said, "Oh! Sorry—Mabel, this is Limby Jimmy, I ran into him last year in the Crawlspace under town when I was trying to get your face back—"

Helpfully, Bill threw in, "He's Gravity Falls' most accomplished arms dealer. And legs dealer, and tails dealer, and ears dealer..."

"Limby, this is my sister Mabel. Actually, I don't know if I ever introduced myself—"

Limby Jimmy cut in, "Ohhh, yeah, I remember you! You're Troll Boy, right?"

Dipper winced. "It's—it's Dipper, actually." He paused. "Wow. We meet a lot of weird people."

"Nice to meet you, Jimmy!" Mabel held out a hand. After a moment of thought, Jimmy elected to shake it with a tentacle and a dog's paw.

"What are you doing up here?" Dipper asked. "Is Summerween the one night of the year that Gravity Falls' monsters can walk among humans without fear?"

"Oh no, I'm terrified. I wouldn't be out here if I wasn't collecting donations," Jimmy said.

"Donations?"

Jimmy hesitated, then lowered his voice. "You've been in the Crawlspace, so, you and your sister are cool, but is the lady...?" He wiggled a hoof toward Bill.

Coolly, Bill said, "I'm actually an ancient interdimensional energy being cursed to wear a human form."

Dipper and Mabel flinched in alarm and rounded on Bill, hissing, "Bill!" "Shhh!"

Ignoring them, Bill said, "So, continue."

"Oh," Jimmy said brightly. "That's all right then, yuk yuk." He wiggled his multitude of right arms. "I don't know if you humans have heard yet, but the Summerween Trickster got eaten to death last summer! It's really sad!"

Dipper and Mabel, who had watched as he was eaten to death, stayed quiet.

"But probably happy for him?" Jimmy mused. "Since I think that's what he wanted? But it's sad for the rest of his poker group, we all miss him! So I'm out here with Doug—"

"Who?" Dipper asked, looking around the porch for a second monster.

"Oh, he's back there." Jimmy pointed toward a tree at the edge of the clearing around the Mystery Shack. The tree chittered unnervingly. "We're going around collecting donations to resurrect the Trickster! Or... re-summon him? Or however this works. We never really asked him how he came to exist, it seemed rude."

"Naturally," Bill said. "You can't just ask a freak what made him so freaky. It's a sensitive topic."

"Right! You understand," Jimmy said. "Anyway, we need a lot of crappy candy!" He looked at their bowl. "Which pieces have the kids been ignoring this year?"

Mabel had started bouncing on the balls of her dusty Victorian ghost shoes; and the moment she had a turn to speak, she squealed in excitement. "You're the Summerween Trickster's friend! That's perfect! Stay here, I'll be right back!" She shoved the candy bowl into Bill's arms and zoomed up the stairs. "I've got some stuff for him!"

Bill looked at the bowl, looked at the stairs, shoved the candy in Dipper's arms, and followed Mabel. "Hey, Shooting Star? What are you doing?"

Her voice drifted down the stairs: "Getting a donation! I'll be just a minute!"

"Hold on, you're actually helping that guy?" Bill laughed. "Why?" He climbed high enough to poke his head above the attic floor  and lowered his voice so Jimmy couldn't hear. "I wasn't paying that much attention last Summerween, but I got the impression from your little costume store brawl that the Trickster was trying to kill you kids. Am I missing something?"

"I mean, yeah, he was—but he was in a really bad place back then, that doesn't mean he deserves to be dead for it. And now he knows someone out there wants to eat him, so maybe he'll be less insecure and evil." Mabel laughed, "Anyway, the Trickster isn't that bad! He didn't try to kill me half as hard as you did!"

Bill froze a couple of steps from the top of the stairs. He didn't move for a few seconds; and then wordlessly, he slunk back downstairs.

Dipper watched as Bill, face beet red, trudged into the living room. "Hey. What's Mabel...?"

"How should I know." Bill curled up on the couch, picked up the can of cider he'd been drinking earlier, shotgunned it, and glowered at the horror movie on TV.

Dipper considered Bill—all alone in the living room and not doing anything important—and considered Mabel, upstairs; and said, "Hey, Jimmy. Do you mind waiting out here until Mabel gets back."

"Sure! I don't have any plans." Jimmy rocked back on his many heels.

"Cool. Thanks." Dipper shut the door.

He sidled oh so very casually into the living room and leaned against the TV. "Guess it's just the two of us right now."

Bill's gaze didn't waver from the TV. "Terrific counting skills, Troll Boy." He popped open another cider can.

Dipper grit his teeth. Let it go. "Sooo! You're from the second dimension, huh? What's that like?" (His voice cracked embarrassingly on "that.") "Just—just curious. Making friendly conversation. Caaasual conversation." He flashed a pair of finger guns at Bill, to underscore just how casual he was. "Yyyep." Witness the junior paranormal investigator in action.

Bill turned the cold, empty eyes of a killer on Dipper. He took a long, slow sip from his cider. And he asked himself: what can I say that will make this stupid boy regret ever daring to speak to me?

Bill smiled. "Yeah. Sure. Okay," he said. "You wanna know what it's like? Have you ever read the Allegory of the Cave?"

Dipper hesitated. "By... Plato?"

"That one. You know—ignorance is like being a prisoner chained in a cave, watching shadow puppets being cast on a wall, and thinking they're reality; and having knowledge is like being outside the cave in the sunlight, seeing the real shapes that are casting the shadows—"

"I have read it, actually," Dipper said, a tad defensively. "It was for extra credit in—"

"English class, I know."

Dipper frowned; but he soldiered on. "So... living in the second dimension is like being chained in a cave, staring at the shadows on the wall, and thinking that's reality? Bleak."

Bill laughed so loudly that Dipper started. "Wow, you're so dumb! Use your brain, kid: it's the second dimension. You're not the prisoner: you're the shadow on the wall." Bill's lip curled in a sneer, "An illusion in somebody else's allegory. And the only one who can see the cave's exit... is you. That's what the second dimension is like!" He laughed again. It sounded forced.

"Oh," Dipper mumbled. He tried to wrap his head around the idea of being a living metaphor for ignorance. "Sounds... pretty bad?"

"Awful," Bill agreed. "Doesn't hold a candle to what your dimension has going on, though."

"Wh... why, what's going on in the third dimension?"

Bill gave him a malicious smile, and Dipper had the sinking feeling he'd just walked into an obvious trap. "You idiot, you still think you're in the third dimension? Really?"

Was that a trick question? What answer was Bill looking for? What could this be if not the third dimension? "Nnooo?"

"Wow. I can really see why you're a straight-A's honors student," Bill said. "You're so good at figuring out what answer the test wants and regurgitating it—even if you don't actually understand it at all." He heaved himself back to his feet; and Dipper was sure there was something threatening in the movement—something that reminded Dipper that he was talking to a dangerously unstable extinction level event precariously packed into an unsteady human body. "Although copying the year of the Louisiana Purchase off of Brandon's test in fifth grade  probably didn't hurt, did it."

Dipper's stomach dropped. The secret shame buried beneath the foundation of his honors roll-worthy record. Pull that out and his entire academic career came toppling down. He'd get kicked out of the honors classes. He'd go to jail. Was cheating against the law? "H... how did—?"

"What year was the Louisiana Purchase?"

Dipper's brain immediately went blank. He was silent, trapped in the paralyzing intensity of Bill's gaze. After several terrifying seconds, he croaked, "1803?" and hoped he was right.

"Attaboy. Too bad you couldn't have learned that a little sooner, isn't it?" As he spoke, Bill had closed in on Dipper until he'd backed him into the corner behind the TV set, filling Dipper's exit route with one hand on the TV and the other on the wall. "But we were talking about dimensions, weren't we! Whaddaya like to read, kid," Bill asked too casually, "do you like cosmic horror? Do you know what real 'cosmic horror' is?"

Dipper regretted this conversation completely.

"It's having an eyeball on the inside of your body, and seeing another dimension through it. And ohoho, I think you'd be amazed at the things I can see from here—"

Dipper got the distinct impression that if he didn't get out of this conversation, he would only hear things he'd be telling his therapist about for months. "Cool! Good talk, man. Hey Mabel?" (That was an absolutely humiliating voice crack.) "How's it going?"

A pause. "I think I need help!"

"Coming!" Dipper ran behind the TV to escape Bill and gratefully bolted upstairs.

The kid had caved so fast. And Bill had only just been getting started. He smirked, sat, and turned back to the movie.

A moment later, Mabel and Dipper came back downstairs, carrying four bulging plastic grocery bags. Mabel set one by her feet, opened the door, and shoved the first bag into Jimmy's arms. "Here! You can give these to the Trickster!" She shoved over the second bag.

Jimmy stumbled back under the weight. "Whoa there! What is this?"

"Candy chalk-hearts! I completely bought out the leftovers after Valentine's Day," Mabel said. "I wanted to make sure that if we met the Trickster again, I could let him know he's loved and appreciated as the terrifying avatar of spooky holiday spirit that he is! And that I also respect that he's made out of gross candy nobody likes to eat." She picked up a chalk-heart box and waved it in Jimmy's face. "So here's a gross candy that expresses love! See, the little hearts say things like 'You smell nice' and 'I heart ur face,' but they taste like if dehydration was a flavor."

Dipper handed his bags to Jimmy. "Wait—Mabel, that's why you got all these? You've been planning to help the Trickster since February? I thought you were gonna build a chalk-heart house or something."

"Oooh, that's such a good idea. I should do that next year!" To Jimmy, she said, "I was gonna give these to him personally, but if he's still dead, I guess you can add it to his candy sacrifice pile or whatever? And make sure he gets this!" She handed Jimmy a store bought Shimmery Twinkleheart Valentine's card. It read, "I BELIEVE in our friendship! Happy Valentine's Day!" Mabel had scratched out "Valentine's" and written "Summerween".

Choked up, Jimmy said, "Oh—wow. That's the nicest thing anyone's done for us all night. I'm sure the Trickster will really appreciate it when he's not dead anymore."

Dipper was a little more vengeful. Dipper didn't want to do anything for one of the many guys that had tried to kill them last year. But, on the other hand, Mabel had just gone all in on this, and Jimmy seemed nice enough, so... Dipper sighed. Whatever, it was Summerween and this was a trick-or-treater. "Hey," he picked up the candy bowl. "There's really only one bag of good candy in here. The bottom of the bowl is filled with after-dinner mints our great uncle's been stealing from restaurants for the last six months. The Trickster would probably love that, right?"

"Aww—thanks so much, you guys! We'll have the poker group back together in no time!" Jimmy dug past the good candy and started scooping mints into his bag. "Oh—since I'm here, can I ask about our other poker buddy? Do either of you know Mr. What's-His-Face? He disappeared around the time you were visiting the Crawlspace, maybe one of you saw something? Any information would be helpful." Jimmy looked at them with weird, plus-shaped, but very hopeful eyes. "Between the Trickster's death and Whatsis disappearing, the local paranormal community's been hit hard. Especially us guys in their friend group. I'm—I'm not gonna lie," Jimmy heaved a sigh, "It's been a really hard year."

Dipper and Mabel, who were directly and personally at fault for Mr. What's-His-Face's disappearance and knew he was frozen in stasis in Ford's bunker at that very moment, exchanged a look and came to a silent agreement.

"Nope, don't know anything," Mabel said.

"Sorry, buddy," Dipper said.

Like the Summerween Trickster, Mr. What's-His-Face was a weird faceless shapeshifty monster that had tried to kill them. But they felt like that was where the similarities ended.

By the time of the Trickster's death, Mabel and Dipper had realized that his deepest inner longing was to be called good enough to eat. Mr. What's-His-Face's deepest inner longing was to steal innocent people's faces. If Mabel and Dipper helped resurrect the Trickster, he'd probably go back to ensuring everyone displayed sufficient holiday spirit, while hopefully mellowing out about eating people now that he'd been consumed once. On the other hand, if Mabel and Dipper helped free Mr. What's-His-Face, he'd probably just keep stealing faces.

And on top of all that, they could help resurrect the Trickster without admitting they knew the guy who ate him. They couldn't really lead Jimmy to Mr. What's-His-Face without admitting their great uncle was keeping him captive. And that would be a problem for the whole family.

"Oh," Jimmy said. "Okay, that's fine. Thanks for all your help. You know where to reach us if you hear anything."

Mabel shook her head. Dipper nodded. "Yeah, we'll let you know."

Jimmy hopped off the porch, shouted, "Hey Doug, can you help me carry these?" and chucked a couple of bags of chalk-hearts toward the tree line. Dipper and Mabel stared. Nothing emerged to pick the bags up.

They shut the door.

"Man," Dipper said. "We kinda devastated the paranormal poker group last summer, didn't we?"

"Yeah." Mabel sucked in a breath between her teeth. "Wow. Feels... kinda bad."

Dipper offered her the candy bowl. "Drown our feelings in chocolate?"

"Please."

They grabbed a piece of candy each, tore open the wrappers—and frowned. Mabel stomped a foot. "Dang it—Bill!"

"Hm?"

"How many of these wrappers are empty?!"

Bill poked his head out of the living room and said, smugly, "Like candy from a baby!"

####

A knock, and Dipper opened the door. "Wendy! Hey! Good timing—"

"Hey." Wendy lowered her voice. "Quick question—this is super important—is Goldie here?"

"Uh—yeah, why—?"

"Yello?" Bill carefully wove his way out of the living room, already less steady on his feet than when he'd sat down. "I heard my name, who's summoning me?"

Wendy pointed over the twins at Bill and turned to shout into the dark, "Ladies and gentlemen! I present to you! Live and in person... Toga Lady!"

A half dozen teenagers immediately went bananas. Hooting and hollering and cheering and whistling: "To-ga! To-ga! To-ga!"

Bill's entire face lit up. Without missing a beat, he pushed past the baffled twins out onto the porch and spread his arms wide, basking in the cheering. "That's right, keep it coming! Worship me! I'm the greatest!"

"Yes!" Robbie pumped a fist in the air. "The legends were true!" Nate immediately added, "The prophecy! The prophecy!" Tambry snapped photos of Toga Lady's fresh look as fast as her phone could save them, muttering, "Everyone's gonna flip when they find out you're still in town."

Wendy waited, grinning, until her friends' faux hysterics had died down. "Okay—okay, after getting you hyped up, I should probably say that Toga Lady is actually Toga Guy." She glanced questioningly at Bill. "I think?"

"Eh, I'm not picky."

"Anyway this is Goldie, he was stuck in another dimension for thirty years, it's crazy, and now he's like my illegal backup cashier. He actually... doesn't usually wear togas?"

Bill laughed. "If you can't wear a bedsheet on Summerween, when can you?"

Lee said, "Thompson wore a bedsheet to homecoming."

"Hey."

Bill pointed at Thompson. "A man of impeccable fashion! I like it!" Thompson gave him a look of eternal gratitude.

"And Goldie, this is the gang! That's Thompson, he's the guy with the van; Robbie and Tambry, they're like, gender-swapped versions of each other, they even share their hair dye..."

As Wendy did introductions, Mabel whispered to Dipper, "Did you know she was gonna introduce Goldie to everyone?"

"No! This is bad, I told her not to trust him..."

Bill was responding to a question, "No, no, you've gotta guess, I'm making everyone guess!"

The teens considered the question. Robbie offered first, "Punk caveman?"

"Nope!"

Hesitantly, Thompson tried, "Nero fiddling over the burning of Rome?" He winced when Lee laughed.

"I like where your head's at, but no! I can't fiddle."

"The gremlin king from Huge Maze?" Tambry said.

Mabel piped up, "No, but the wig came from a gremlin king costume and I appreciate you for recognizing that!" Tambry nodded in cool approval.

Bill dispensed of Lee, Nate, and Wendy's guesses—Greek Christmas tree, that one guy who keeps painting burning banks, and hair metal Hades—before Robbie loudly cleared his throat to cut in. "Anyway, would love to stay and chat, but we've gotta move if we wanna be in position before sunset. Dipper, Mabel, you ready?"

"Ready to ghost it up!" Mabel said, squeezing around Bill with Dipper onto the porch.

Robbie surveyed their makeup—deathly white skin, ashen grey lips, and dark circles around their eye sockets. "Yeah, that's pretty good. Could use a little color, maybe. Like bloody tears?" He turned toward Tambry.

She said, "I think I've got some red eyeliner."

"'In position'?" Bill asked, giving Dipper and Mabel a questioning look.

Wendy said, "We're helping Robbie film this music video tonight."

"We're the creepy ghost twins!" Mabel announced proudly. "We get to sing the chorus."

Robbie said, "Yeah, the song's about childhood and growing up, but like, with ghosts? Because once you've grown up, your childhood is all dead? It's metal, but introspective. I'm calling the genre 'intrometal.'" He flipped his bangs dramatically. "It's a super deep song. Metaphorical layers."

"Oh yeah?" Bill stared Robbie down. "Sing some of it."

Robbie blinked. "Oh. Yeah, okay uh, I haven't warmed up my voice but, the hook is like—" He pantomimed playing a guitar and whisper-screamed, "'BABY DOLLS! BASKET BALLS! BASKET CASE! HUMAN RACE!' Like that."

Bill nodded slowly, face expressionless. "Ah, yeah, I see. Really deep stuff. Makes you think."

"Thanks." Robbie looked at Dipper and Mabel. "Anyway, if we're gonna get any footage in the graveyard before the jack-o'-melons start burning out, we've gotta move. Let's go, Creepy Ghost Twins."

"Wait, you're going out?" Bill asked Mabel. "Like out-out? Leaving me here? By myself? On Summerween?"

"Wh—yeah, we're only handing out candy for half the night," Mabel said. "I told you that."

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"When?"

Mabel thought. "No I didn't," she admitted. "Sorry!"

Wendy punched Bill's arm. "Sorry to steal them. We'll be back in a couple of hours," she said. "Or you could come help—?"

"No!" Dipper and Mabel both shoved Bill back into the house before he could accept. Dipper said, "You've gotta—guard the house." Mabel added, "And hand out candy!"

"Right," Bill said flatly. "Yes. That. Ha."

"See you later!" Mabel said, and then shut the door in his face.

The last thing he heard was Wendy explaining to her friends, "He's on house arrest for, like, academic plagiarism and war crimes or something..." and then they were gone.

Bill's shoulders slumped. Well, now what? He couldn't celebrate a holiday by himself. What was the point of wearing a costume if no one sees you in it. He picked up a piece of candy, discovered it was one of his decoys, and picked up another. 

Someone knocked on the door.

"Yeah, yeah," Bill sighed. He picked up the candy bowl, turned toward the door, and paused. Ah. Right. What was he supposed to do with this impenetrable portal-blocking slab of wood.

Who was left in the house? Stan on the roof, Ford in the basement, Abuelita probably already in bed... were any of them worth harassing to help him answer the door? Maybe Stan, he'd gotten all dressed up, he liked the holiday even if he didn't like Bill—

The trick-or-treater knocked more insistently.

Or. Or.

He could pick up the bowl, peer out the small window in the door, and make direct eye contact with the children outside while he ate candy.

As a piece of mid-tier chocolate melted on his tongue, he saw three trick-or-treaters' faces fall as their faith in a kind, caring universe died. He grinned at them and ate another chocolate.

Oh yeah. He grabbed the rest of his cider from the living room and set up post next to the door. This would keep him entertained the rest of the night.

####

He made seven small children cry.

####

Stan watched from his post on the roof as yet another sobbing kid ran away from the shack. "HA! Gottem! Sucker!" He affectionately patted his boombox. "Creepy ghoulish laughter, you never disappoint! Terrifying moochers since 1989!" He paused the cassette and rewound it a few seconds to replay the best part.

He heard a scraping sound above him, and looked up just in time to see Ford sliding down the roof to join him. "Oh, hey! I didn't think we'd see you again tonight."

"Mabel made me promise to celebrate Summerween a little."

"Good for her!"

Stan had already claimed the sun lounger, so Ford brushed some dust and leaves off the roof's cooler and sat. "So, what are we doing? Scaring trick-or-treaters?"

"Yep. This year I'm taking a more atmospheric approach." He gestured at his boombox, which by now was playing haunting organ music. "Nothing like screaming zombies and rattling chains from nowhere to freak out the kids."

Ford nodded. "Psychological torment. I approve."

"Not quite as good as getting to see the terror in their eyes, but." Stan shrugged. "Bill was hanging out with the kids. I didn't want to put up with him."

"Mm. There's a reason I was spending the holiday in the basement."

"Heh. Well, there's always Halloween."

They were silent for a moment, listening as the cassette moved on from organ music to werewolf howls. Stan asked, "Think we'll be rid of him by then? I know we were hoping to be done with him before the Fourth of July—but since I haven't heard anything lately, I figure you hit a roadblock."

Ford winced. "Guilty as charged." He was still relearning how to keep other people in the loop. Even Stan. "You're right. I have a weapon that can destroy him, but I can't find a fuel source without restarting the portal. I'm hoping Fiddleford will come up with a solution I haven't."

Stan nodded. Ford had told him he was getting Fiddleford involved; even as reluctant as Ford was to admit how little progress he'd made, he wasn't going to tell someone outside the family about Bill without letting Stan know. "Any breakthroughs on his end?"

####

During the credits between episodes of the retired samurai period drama (most recently, the samurai had been asked to use his sword to help cut flowers for a bouquet), Fiddleford leaned over and whispered to Ford, "So I've been a-lookin' at those blueprints you left me."

"And...?"

"And I've constructicated a power adaptor. Just jimmy out the fuel tank, swap it for the adaptor's cord, and you can power that weapon by pluggin' it into the wall! It'll just drain all the power from the town for a few seconds, that's all."

"Fiddleford, that's amazing—"

"Now, hold on. There's bad news," Fiddleford said. "Try as I might, I can't quite get it to draw enough power to activate those energy-destroying features what you'd need to disintegrate Bill. It'll work like a powerful laser, but nothin' else."

Ford sighed. "It's a starting point, I suppose."

"I'll send you home with the adaptor anyway. Never know when you'll need a big laser."

"Very true. Do you have any promising leads on other alternative fuels?"

Fiddleford shook his head. "It's the NowUSeeitNowUDontium or nothing. But I've got a hunch we could synthesize it under lab conditions. I'll letcha know in a few days."

And then the next episode started, and they dropped the conversation.

####

Ford let out a heavy sigh. "He's only had a partial success so far. But I'm hopeful he's on the right track."

"So, if he's working on this weapon, what are you doing?"

"Waiting, mostly. I don't know what else I can do."

Stan frowned. "What—that's it? You've been downstairs all day every day—if you're not figuring out how to destroy him, what are you doing?"

"Passing time somewhere I can be on call if he gets up to something—but I don't have to look at him," Ford said wryly. "And—as long as I'm waiting to hear back from Fiddleford, I've been... picking apart that list of spells Bill gave me. To see if any of them are tricks or traps."

Stan couldn't say he was surprised. That was his workaholic brother. A pamphlet of demon magic was like catnip to him. If anything, Stan was almost glad Ford had that letter to distract him. Over the past year...

Well, Ford was fine on land—when he temporarily had a mystery to solve, an adventure to pursue, an anomaly to study, a distraction to fill his time—but at sea, when his mind was unoccupied, he was listless. He had books he didn't read, field notes he didn't enter into his journal, games he didn't play. He fed himself and exercised and did chores around the ship like a robot programmed to take care of itself, and he stared out at the sea.

Last summer, Ford hadn't seemed happy but he'd seemed alive. Tired and angry, but alive. But after Weirdmageddon, a light in his eyes went out. Stan didn't know if it was the end of summer, or guilt over the memory gun, or the gap between finishing a thirty-year-long quest and discovering the next one. All Stan knew was the light hadn't come back on until the moment Bill Cipher, clad in a new body and a purple cartoon bedsheet, tried to cave Ford's skull in.

Ever since they were children, Ford had had a tendency to develop obsessions. It was somehow simultaneously both what made him most interesting and what made him boring. Depended on the obsession. But these all-consuming interests had always tended to last a few months, at most a year; and he'd never seemed to be without one, much less for nine months. Stan had no idea what carrying a single obsession for three decades might have done to Ford's mind.

Stan was glad something had woken Ford back up, and he worried that losing that focal point again might leave Ford permanently adrift. But another part of him worried that, this time, Ford wouldn't let the object of his obsession go. He tended to collect things related to his obsessions.

But then, he usually tended to like his obsessions. He hadn't seemed bothered to burn the contents of his creepy Bill shrine last summer. Ford wouldn't do anything stupid, Stan told himself. Ford hated Bill. "So? Were any of the spells traps?"

"Not... so far, no." Ford sounded irritated by this.

Stan shrugged. "Makes sense. He's trying to butter us up. If that idiot thinks being nice to us for a week or two is gonna make up for the years of grief he's given us—"

A loud rattle-clattering below made them both start. Stan sat bolt upright. "What the—?"

Ford inched to the edge of the dormer roof, knelt down, and leaned over the edge just far enough to see the window.

Bill's face was pressed to the glass, eye rolled up toward the roofline. He grinned in surprised delight and shouted through the glass, "HEY, STANFORD! What are you doing up here?! I thought you were downstairs!"

"Ugh." Ford turned to grimace at Stan. "Speak of the devil."

Bill pounded on the glass again. "Hey, Sixer! SIXER! Open the window!"

"Why?"

"I wanna talk!"

"No."

"Come ooon, the kids ditched me and I'm bored! There's no one in the house to talk to! The old lady's asleep and Stanley's on the roof, so—" He abruptly fell silent, squinting with deep suspicion at Ford-who-should-be-in-the-basement kneeling on the-roof-where-Stan-should-be, and said, "Wait. Are you Stanley right now? Show me your hand."

Ford did not. "Go away, Bill." He left the edge of the roof for his cooler seat.

"Get back here!" The pounding redoubled. "I don't care which Stan you are! If you don't wanna talk, I can always go wake up Dolores!"

Ford looked at Stan. "Mrs. Ramirez's name is Dolores?" He had gotten used to everyone calling her Abuelita.

Stan stomped on the roof, "Shaddup!"

Bill did not shaddup. "Come ooon!"

Stan sighed in defeat and heaved himself to his feet. "If he keeps that racket up he's gonna break that window, never mind that hex you put on him." When they'd taken out the original Bill-shaped window, Stan had replaced it with the cheapest window he could find. He didn't think it was very durable. "How much trouble can he get in with one open window twenty feet above the ground and both of us watching him?"

Ford Frowned.

"Don't gimme that look. Do you want to pay for a broken window?" Stan flipped through his keys for his key-shaped emergency lock pick, leaned over the edge of the roof, and wedged the pick into the window frame. The latch popped open. Lucky this window was so cheap, that wouldn't have worked on one with deluxe features like "airtight weatherstripping" or "a properly-fitting frame." Stan swung open the window. "Okay, you have our attention. Now what's the fastest way we can get rid of you?"

Bill clumsily climbed out to sit on the windowsill with his legs in the shack, and leaned back so he could see up onto the roof. "Hiya Fo—" He lost his balance, flailed, and yelped as he toppled backwards.

Stan and Ford lunged forward to seize an arm each. Stan snapped, "What are you doing, you maniac?!"

Bill stared up at them both in wide-eyed amazement. "You do like me."

Stan made a noise of disgust, let go, and wiped his hands on his pants like Bill had cooties.

Ford said, "We like you trapped in that body and not free to cause the apocalypse."

"I heard 'we like you'!"

"Shut up." Ford managed to haul Bill back upright. (Touching Bill felt wrong—all soft flesh and skin and the suggestion of bones underneath. Even when looking right at Bill's human body, Ford still expected him to feel like heavy shadows and heatless flames.) From this close, Bill reeked of cider. "Just how much have you had to drink?"

"Not so much I won't remember whatever you say in the morning, so be nice to me!" Bill laughed. He leaned back, this time hanging by one hand off the window frame to precariously maintain his balance, and grinned up at Ford. "So! The least fun person in the house has finally emerged from his lair? And you didn't even come into the house to join in the Summerween festivities! 'All work and no play'..."

Ford had to crouch at the edge of the roof, hovering nearby in case Bill lost his balance again. "I wanted to participate in Summerween, actually. It just so happens that the last person I'd ever spend a holiday with is in the house."

"Listen, Stanford. I know you're holing up in your study for days on end just to hurt me. But let's be honest, you're hurting yourself more! When's the last time you saw the sunlight! Look at how pale you're getting, you look like a vampire."

Stiffly, Ford said, "It's costume makeup. That's my vampire costume." Stan laughed.

"It what." Bill flipped up his eyepatch and squinted blearily at Ford's face.

Wordlessly, Ford bared his teeth to show off his plastic vampire teeth.

"Oh." Somewhat deflated, Bill said, "Nice work, it's convincing."

"Thanks," Ford said grudgingly. Giving in to his curiosity, he gestured toward Bill's (somewhat disheveled) reddish-yellow wig. "What are you."

"Oh!" Bill perked back up. "You've got to see the whole thing. Hold on—" He turned around in the window, ignoring how Ford half reached for him in case he needed steadying, until he got his legs outside to dangle on the roof. "What do you think!"

Ford looked over the brown toga flared out like a cone, the eruption of red hair, the small paper city below, and said, "Mount Vesuvius and Pompeii? Very clever."

Bill's face lit up. "Finally! You're the first person all day to get it!" He smoothed out the skirt proudly, his jerky gestures just a bit more exaggerated than usual. "Do you know how long I've wanted to go to a costume party as Vesuvius? But nobody off Earth would get it! And now that I'm finally here, I can't go to parties and I'm shaped more like a mandrake than a volcano." He flung up his hands, wobbled, and caught himself before Ford had to intervene. "But at least you got it. I knew I could count on you, IQ."

He sounded so sincerely grateful. Ford regretted calling the costume clever. It was, but Bill didn't need the ego boost.

"Oh! By the by—I didn't think you'd emerge before the day was over, so I saved this." Bill fished around in his toga until he retrieved a mini pack of jelly beans. "Here!"

Ford eyed the pack. "Why is it open?"

"Because you only like the weird-shaped jelly beans, so I ate all the normal beans and saved the weird ones in one bag."

"I don't want this. You touched every one of the beans, that would be disgusting even if they weren't coming from you," Ford said. "Anyway, this is a patently transparent attempt to buy your way into my good favor—"

"It sure is, Ford, and if you don't accept it I'll get to be annoying about your ingratitude for weeks! Is that what you want? You know I'll do it. Everyone will be on my side—"

Ford sighed, but snatched the bag from Bill's hand. "Fine. Now drop it."

"That's more like it!" Bill favored Ford with an approving smile. "Anyway, it's just about the only candy left in the house, I ate everything else—hey, have you ever been cross faded on cider and a sugar rush?"

Ford was still trying to decide whether he wanted to engage in this one-sided conversation enough to ask Bill what "cross faded" meant when Bill moved on without him: "It's—not that interesting, actually. 6 out of 10. Anyway, all that's left in the bowl is mints and wrappers. And Mabel even managed to give most of the mints away—hey, she's so nice, did you know she's helping to resurrect the Summerween Trickster?"

She was doing what? "No. Why?"

"She's so nice."

"You just said that."

"What is she so nice for. What's she getting out of it," Bill asked, more to the universe at large than to Ford. "If more humans were half as nice to freaks as she is, your rotten planet wouldn't need people like you and me to save it."

Ford didn't even know where to begin with that. He looked to Stan for help.

Stan was sitting straddling his lounger, elbow on one knee and chin in his hand, watching this exchange like he was watching a weird bug on the wall try to navigate around a picture frame. At Ford's glance, he rolled his eyes and pantomimed sipping from a drink.

He could say that again. Ford cleared his throat. "Bill, maybe you should..."

"Hey," Bill said. "Great talk, we really should catch up more sometime. And pull your weight next time, I always have to do all the talking. But right now, I'm..." He gestured vaguely off to the side. "I'm gonna lie down and try not to throw up. Ciao!" He swayed as he tried to get back in the window, tumbled backward into the shack, and thudded heavily on the floor. "Ow."

Ford gingerly shut the window.

Stan turned up the boombox. "Chatty drunk, isn't he."

"He's chatty sober, too." But in front of the kids? Neither of them saw Bill as a role model, but they still didn't need to be exposed to that kind of behavior. Especially when the responsible adults were outside or asleep... "Did we really leave Bill alone in the house with the kids?"

"W—I—" Stan shrugged defensively. "They were all right! They can take him! They're doing karate or whatever! You didn't see how Mabel flipped him at the mall! It was like David wrestling Goliath."

"David and Goliath didn't wrestle."

"You know what I mean."

Ford supposed he didn't think Bill was any threat to the children. At least, not right now, and not physically. He felt like he'd know if Bill was about to try anything.

He looked at his open bag of gross felt-up jelly beans. Speaking of trying to butter them up... Ford wound up and chucked the bag as hard as he could.

He stared into the dark after it.

A small part of him was beginning to wonder whether this wasn't all just an attempt to get Ford's guard down. The gifts, sure, that was as clear-cut a case of bribery as you could get. Nothing ambiguous there.

But the endless chatter... Back when Ford had called Bill his Muse, this was exactly how he'd wanted Bill to talk to him. Not in the flighty half-distracted way of a friendly businessman catching up on a work project's progress before hurrying on to the next meeting; but just talking for talking's sake, talking for the company.

Getting what he once had longed for made his skin crawl. And he couldn't even tell if Bill was acting.

The boombox let out a ghastly banshee shriek. Ford and Stan both jumped, then laughed awkwardly.

Ford sat on the cooler again. "Is it just me, or... did Bill completely ignore you as soon as he realized I was up here."

"Well. I wasn't gonna mention it. I didn't wanna sound jealous of the attention. But yeah—he's been doing that since he got here. If you're in the room, he tunes everyone else out."

"I thought it was in my head." And he hadn't wanted to sound like he wanted to imagine Bill was favoring him.

"And you do the same thing around him," Stan said, and laughed at Ford's flinch of alarm. "It's—it's fine, I get it. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer, right? You've got some kind of superhero-supervillain nemesis thing."

Ford got the distinct impression that Stan was offering him a convenient excuse for the tunnel vision. He took it. "I suppose that's true." The way his jaw clenched and his shoulders tensed around Bill certainly felt like a "nemesis" reaction.

But if Stan thought Ford was a bit too preoccupied by Bill... well, maybe he was right. Once Ford had gotten over his initial wave of fear, of despair, of outrage at the injustice, at finding Bill was still alive—there was a part of him that was almost relieved. A part of him that had been on guard against nothing for the past year, twisting around looking for an absent threat. Now that it knew where the threat was, that part of him could finally settle down and watch Bill with steady, certain eyes. Having nothing to worry about made him more anxious than having one thing to always worry about.

(Maybe Shermie's kid had been on to something when he suggested Ford might benefit from therapy.)

Knowing Bill was back didn't put the old starlight and awe back in that hole Bill had left in Ford's chest. But dread could fill a hole all the same.

Ford tried to push Bill out of his mind and the conversation. "You think I'm like a superhero?"

"You run around fighting monsters with a space laser. What else would you be?"

"Huh." Well. That made his night.

"Just as long as you don't pull that 'hero spares the villain to show how good he is' shtick."

"Never." Ford laughed ruefully. "I think I left 'good' behind a few felonies back." He'd probably left "good" behind the night he accepted the portal blueprints.

"Couple stragglers," Stan said, nodding out into the dark. It took Ford a moment to spot the costumed kids and remember it was Summerween. "I recognize those costumes, I scared them off an hour ago. What are they doing back?"

Ford squinted at them. "Are those toilet paper rolls?"

"Wh—Hey! What are you little runts— Hey!" Stan leaped to his feet, shaking his fist at the kids below. "Get away from my car! Stop that! I'll have you know that's a classic— No, not the eggs!"

Ford slid out his freeze ray, turned down the power, and offered it to Stan. "Here. At this power and distance, it'll feel like getting pelted with invisible snowballs."

Stan snatched up the weapon. "Eat this, twerps!"

The Summerween night air was filled with the screams of terrified children and the evil laughter of an old man.

####

Wow. It sure sounded like everybody was having fun. Outside. Without him.

Bill was nauseous.

He stared at the spinning ceiling, flat on his back, one leg on a cushion and the rest of him on the floor. 

Bill was nauseous and alone. The loneliness tore at his throat. Even Mabel had ditched him. Of course she did—he'd tried to kill her. He'd barely even remembered he'd tried to kill her until she brought it up. Had he tried to kill her? No, surely not—he liked the kid, he'd always liked her—he'd been faking to force Ford's hand, he never would have gone through with it. He would've teleported her into another room and pretended he'd disintegrated her. She didn't know he hadn't meant it. She was just mad he'd scared her. She couldn't take a joke.

But, Ford talked to him. Ford even liked his costume. It wasn't much, but it would get Bill through the night.

When he saw Kryptos again—when, not if—he was slicing him into a jigsaw puzzle for not taking Bill's call. The nerve of that guy, hanging up on a human without even waiting a few words to see if they had anything interesting to say. 

(What if it hadn't been an accident, he wondered? What if Kryptos had realized it was Bill and still hung up?)

(No. Of course it was an accident.)

He shut his eyes. He was probably too drunk to dream tonight. Well, he could try again tomorrow. His little lucid dreaming guide was currently teaching him to influence the next night's dream by focusing on a topic before sleep. Maybe tomorrow he could dream about the Nightmare Realm.

He missed home.

####

(Congratulations to the approximately 50% of respondents who correctly figured out Bill's costume when I posted the art on Halloween, you're officially smarter than everybody in Gravity Falls except Ford. This is one of those chapters with a whole lot going on so if you enjoyed, I'd love to hear your comments!!)

#(tbh that's the best Mabel & Dipper I've ever drawn) #bill cipher #human bill cipher #mabel pines #dipper pines #(for both the art & fic) #grunkle ford #grunkle stan #(for just the fic) #gravity falls #gravity falls fanart #gravity falls fic #my writing #my art #fanart #bill goldilocks cipher

[dmwrites]

It had been long enough now that the pattern was familiar. It started as a gnawing emptiness, looking for something that wasn’t there yet. It was apparent on every face, the need for a task, the greed and satisfaction that came with reward.

The rules were simple- Grian had explained them when they had all shown up in this new world. Get a task. Keep it a secret. Do the task. Succeed. Don’t die, even though you will. The feeling of incompleteness while waiting for a task hasn’t been in the explanation- or, at least, Martyn hoped it wasn’t just him who felt this way.

Martyn kept to himself a lot this season, and it was in a cave that he received his next secret task. Martyn often wondered how the book that held his task got to be in his pocket. The tasks were delivered timely every week, with no apparent source. Martyn suspected that whatever, whoever was giving them these tasks did not appreciate people dwelling on the source, as Martyn always got a headache when thinking about it.

Martyn felt a heaviness in his pocket- a new secret task delivered. He stepped back, finally striking down the zombie that had climbed quite a distance to get to him. Martyn went into a small alcove in the cave, well-lit already from his exploration. Just to be safe, he boarded up the gaping opening in front of him, so no mobs could possibly do a lick of damage to him. He’d already suffered so many hearts lost with his recklessness.

Martyn opened the small book, which glowed a slight purple, held it up to the torch light to read his task.

Find RenTheDog

Martyn’s breath stilled in his chest. It was two words, two very simple words, and he read them over and over again like they were a hymn, a passage he failed to really comprehend.

“He’s not-”

Martyn hit a button on his communicator, scanned through the names listed, every participant in this game. Ren was not among them. Martyn knew that. Martyn knew that. This was the second game in a row the dog had been absent from, which tore Martyn’s heart in ways only Ren could, but it was fine. Or, it had been, until now, until this task stared him in the face.

Martyn let out a choked laugh.

“It’s… this surely would be a hard task, first of all.” The hollowness in his voice kind of dulled the joke into nothingness. “He’s not here. Ren is not… here.” He tried to emphasize his point, put his finger to his name, but it ended up being more of a caress of the name on the page.

No one answered his open-air monologue, which he’d expected. So, with nothing to go off of, besides those two taunting words, Martyn dug his way to the surface.

He soon stood before the secret keeper, before that damned mark that he knew, by god he knew none of it was just mere coincidence.

“So I’m guessing you just want me to have to pick a harder task, is that it? Hoping I’ll fail big time and you can get me out of your hair faster?” Martyn snarled at the stone before him. “Well, baby, I’m a cockroach, so good luck with that.”

He pressed the button before him, with the sign under that read “reroll for a harder task”. There were whispers, some kind of poem that Martyn, in his anger, didn’t bother reading, and then a book appeared in mid-air, a deep red this time. Martyn caught it before it fell, ripped the cover open.

Find the Red King.

“Fuck you!” Martyn yelled, outrage and mourning and yearning pouring out of him all at once. “I can’t… why? Why on earth are you doing this to me? I can’t do this… I can’t-”

He could see people coming, whether to complete their task or to see what the yell had been about, and he ran. He didn’t know the land, having spent so much time underground, so it was a blind dash towards the tree line. His heart was thudding, his mind a mess.

There was, however much he tried to tamp it down, a blossom of hope. He slowed down eventually, when he hit a world boarder, thinking hard. Twice now, the secret keeper had told him to find Ren. They must know who Martyn was, who had held the axe. No one better to find him.

Martyn looked for RenTheDog. He built a tower of cobblestone to the sky, scanning the land far below. He ventured into the deepest caves, calling out Ren’s name and hearing it echo back to him with more and more desperation.

But the day was only so long, and, eventually, Grian’s message in chat confirmed what Martyn had already known.

<Time is up. Anyone who hasn’t completed their task yet has failed. Meet at the secret keeper.>

“So, did anyone fail their tasks this week?” Grian asked to the gathered group.

Martyn strode forward in the silence that followed, hit the button that said “fail”. He bit back a pained moan as a row of hearts was taken from him. He could hear sympathetic groans and gasps behind him, others trying to share in his pain. But they didn’t know, not really.

“What was the task?” Grian asked curiously.

“I’d rather not say.” Martyn said. He turned and walked past his friends, out towards the setting sun. It hurt. It all hurt.

#secret life #inthelittlewood #trafficblr #renchanting

[the-final-sif]

Okay, insane worldbuilding baby god c!Dream time now that I'm doing a bit less dying. You were warned about the worldbuilding.

To start this off, I have to introduce the nonsense deity system that this universe has running in the background.

Humans exist, hybrids exist, gods exist. Gods are not quite immortal, but they're close to it. Gods are separated out into different factions or "titles", there's quite a few factions with different corresponding hybrid groups. Some titles must be held by a hybrid from a certain group, some titles can be held by anyone from anywhere. More than one god can exist for a single title, and the inter-faction relationships vary.

Ex, there can be 2 death gods, and how they work together will be different depending on their personalities. Each god will have a specific role usually assigned at their ascension.

For a very long time, gods existed in a natural cycle. They would be born when a hybrid or human was chosen by the universe to be a prospective god (nicknamed "baby gods" or "godlings"), they would be marked from birth, but gods are generally unable to pick out godlings until they start to grow up, usually between 6-10. A baby god will be compelled to undergo a set of trials depending on their prospective title.

A baby god failing could have a range of consequences, from death to simply losing the prospective godhood. It mostly depends on the requirements of the trial. The trials have been set in place by a force that existed prior to the gods, and they have no control over it.

There will only ever be one baby god at a time. The universe picks one for the current title, that one is given the ability to attempt the trials. Upon success, the universe moves to the next title. Upon failure, there's often a waiting period of 50-100 years before the universe picks again for another prospective of the same title. The universe will not move on until a new god has joined the ranks of the current title.

When a baby god succeeds, they ascend to godhood. They're gifted a new name offering them a specific role under their title. Most gods also keep their human names in some capacity, although those are reserved for a chosen few. Some ditch their human names. Some pick new names. Some tell other gods their role, others do not.

Ex: Kristen (Human Name), God of death (title), Soul guide (Role)

Another example would be XD, (human name unknown), God of the End (title), Claims his role was given as "XD", lying.

Gods obviously have a lot at stake for helping out the best of their own titles, so they have agreements in place and rules about what sort of help can and can't be given to godlings. Unlike human agreements, gods are bound by their word (with one exception), so these rules maintained a fair process for a very long time. Right up until they didn't.

See, I mentioned before that gods are mostly immortal. There are exactly two things that can kill a god. Expulsion or an End God.

Expulsion is a process that requires all other gods to agree that the chosen god needs to die, that not doing so would threaten the universe itself. If there is an agreement from all other gods, then the god in question is stripped of their godhood and killed. While modern gods aren't entirely sure why this works, the best evidence suggests it is due to a very old pact made at the start of the universe that almost all gods are bound by.

The other exception are End Gods, also known among gods as "The Unbound". They possess a simple yet devastating ability that no other god has. They can lie.

It's generally assumed that this ability is why End Gods retained the ability to kill other gods. Either that or they were given the ability to lie in order to retain that ability. It's unclear which came first, or if it even matters.

Because End Gods can lie, they remained unbound by the pact of the other gods, and can kill as they like.

In fact, not only CAN End gods kill, but their trial requires them to do so. In order for a godling to complete their trial, they must slay two fully fledged gods.

This complicates the End gods relationship to other gods. On some level, End gods are much needed. While gods of various titles don't die naturally, they do age in a way, and they can lose themselves to madness. The older a god is, the more likely they are to lose themselves. It can be extremely difficult to gather and convince every single other god that one god is beyond saving and has to be stripped of godhood.

Still, other gods regard End Gods with a level of fear. It's only natural to fear something that can kill you. Beyond that, trusting an End God is always a gamble. Any promise made to them must be fulfilled, while they aren't bound in return.

Despite this or perhaps because of this, End Gods still generally maintained good relationships with other gods. They usually honored their word unless they had been slighted, and killings were generally well justified.

End Gods create a natural cull, and they also act as balance keepers. They tend not to bother with humans much if at all, and instead focus primarily on other gods. As such, they remain relatively unknown or misunderstood by humans. On the flip side, other gods often sought them out as peacekeepers or to provide an unbiased opinion since End Gods stood apart from other titles that were often tied up in promises, obligations, loyalties and favors. They had their role and they played it well.

The birth of a new End God was considered both the end of the prior cycle and the beginning of a new one. It takes quite a long time for new gods to be born when considering a human time scale, so gods started tracking the birth of end gods to mark passages of time for them.

Or they did.

See, the problem was that XD was born.

That wasn't the only problem, there were a lot of problems, but the tipping point was XD.

XD was one of two gods of the end. He had killed one of the prior End Gods to obtain his godhood, the younger of the two, and he took up his mantle with pride. XD was a bit of an oddball among end gods though. Not that that shouldn't have been expected.

End Gods tended not to interact with each other much. One liar was enough, and many saw it as their duty to maintain distance. When End Gods did interact, it was generally in conflict. They were considered unbound after all, and it wouldn't do to break that status.

XD didn't believe in that. He was taken with the other End God and persistently followed them around until his efforts were rewarded with a reluctant friendship. The other god was much much older, and to some degree they were worried about leaving such a young End God to their own devices. They saw their own end coming, and didn't forsee the damage this would cause.

Things were good, for a time. Some of the other gods were unnerved, but others saw it as necessary. After all, XD managing to kill an End God in their prime had also been concern. Signs were there for the eldest End God being on their way out, and having a trained replacement was better.

Because of the danger they pose if they lose themselves to madness, End Gods chose their own deaths. Some claim that the universe told them it was time, others simply said they were done putting up with the other gods. But each End God would know when it was their time, and they would pick how they wanted to go. None ever seemed sad, they were unbound to the world after all.

But XD... XD changed that for his elder. Maybe it was a mistake. Maybe it was purposefully ignoring the signs. But the closer XD grew to the Elder death god, the less they found themselves willing to leave.

The madness set in quickly, and XD did the one thing an End God should never do. He hesitated. He couldn't bring himself to kill his elder. He let himself be bound.

When a vote was called to revoke the elder's godhood, XD had to agree. And again, he hesitated. That hesitation proved to be a grave error.

For the gods, it was a blink of an eye before nearly half of them were wiped out in the mad rage of the elder End God. No title was left unscathed, although thankfully no title was left empty.

XD acted the moment he found himself again, he took the other End God's life and put an end to the carnage. Not before irreversible damage was done, and XD was now left alone.

The incident scared the other titles deeply. It proved just what could happen if End Gods were let unchecked. Many blamed XD, others blamed the fact that two End Gods had been allowed to exist at the same time.

After a heated discussion, an agreement was made between the other gods that this could never be allowed to happen again. End Gods needed to be kept under firm rule.

XD would be allowed to live (if only because not having at least one god for each title could cause major destabilization) but no new End God could be born until his time was up. If XD refused to comply, he would be killed. If he attempted to kill another god, he would also be killed.

There was a newfound fear of death in the gods, and they would not allow themselves to be slaughtered again.

Some even saw this as a method of obtaining true immortality. Of breaking beyond their former limits. They saw a chance for power.

The current cycle continued until it reached it's end, where a new End God should've been allowed to have been born. Tension had been building for what all the gods knew would come next.

End Gods had specific requirements. They had to be born from Ender Dragon hybrids, a race that was generally reclusive and isolated.

The gods merely... increased their isolation. Separating Ender Dragon hybrids from the rest of the universe until they became a myth.

Every time a new End Godling was born and began to show signs, the child was killed before they could truly begin their journey or pose a real threat to the gods. It was cowardly. Pathetic.

And so a new status quo was born.

XD watched as child after child was slaughtered, never given a chance to put up a fair fight. At first he considered it his punishment for hesitating, but over time he watched as the other gods grew... complacent.

He overheard discussions that maybe there should never be another End God. That they should just be rid of them. That the gods shouldn't have to live in fear. They should be above it.

Even as he overheard this, he saw some of the older gods begin their decent into madness. His own ability to act halted by the fear that if he did, if he killed, then he would be killed in turn and no end Godling would be allowed to take his place.

XD watched this go on for a very, very long time. He watched so many children get killed that he couldn't remember all of their names anymore. It broke something in him. He stopped speaking to the other gods. He withdrew.

Finally, he decided he'd had enough. He entered the human world and worked tirelessly to create something new. Something that broke the rules the universe had laid out. Something only an End God could create.

At the end of his work, he had a simple white mask and a plan.

The mask was the cruelest thing he'd ever created, and it was also the only way out. If it worked as he intended, it would hide a godling from the universe itself. Separating the godling from their budding powers and letting them grow strong enough to complete their mission.

It would hide what they were almost entirely, and if XD kept them close to him, any little trickles of godly power that came out could be disguised as his own.

He stalked the remaining colony of ender dragon hybrids for years until finally he found the next godling.

They were only 4, and they had been born very early. It had only been 40 years since the last one.

XD took it as a sign from the universe that he was in the right. The other gods wouldn't really begin their search until it hit 50 years, and they wouldn't really worry until nearly 100 had passed. More than enough time for this little one to grow up and claim their place.

Under the cover of night, he stole the little one away. He pressed the mask onto their face, and took them to a server near where other humans and hybrids were. The child would need to blend in with them eventually.

Although the child protested at first, they eventually understood that XD had taken them for their own safety. That it had to be done. In time, the child began to forget where they came from.

As a part of the process, XD found himself tasked with renaming the little one.

In the end, he chose to share part of his own name. One that he hadn't shared with anyone else. When he'd taken up his own godhood, he'd been given the role of "Dreamer". It was a role he still didn't understand. But maybe his future companion would?

Dream loved his new name, and XD loved him in turn.

Now he just needed to make sure that he kept Dream alive.

How hard could that be?

Anyways the next part of the godling c!Dream AU is just "XD, a god who never talks to humans now has to try to keep a human child alive and also Badboyhalo believes he may be co-parenting with the moon". So stay tuned for that.

#dreblr #dreamxd #c!dream #ender dragon dream #godling dream au #dreamwastaken #dream smp #dsmp #mcyt #Dreamwastaken #Dream smp #godling c!dream au #sif speaks #my headcanons

[ruified]

i just finished reading osamu dazai and the dark era and now my eyes are stinging with the feeling of tears attempting to crawl their way out from behind them, and they may just succeed in that endeavor so let’s see how much i can type out with tears in my eyes

i miss my wife (oda bsd)

Somebody probably should've tied him up, pried his chest open, and stuffed a vacuum cleaner inside. Then, as he screamed and cried until they needed to punch him to shut him up, they'd suck every last bit out of his chest and stamp it into the ground.

But in reality, such a vacuum didn't exist. Chests don't open up like that, and no one is capable of such feats. What we see is every-thing, and everything we see, we ignore. All we can do is stand before the deep ditch between us and others and keep silent.

the way oda talks about dazai is consistently heart wrenching, he knows that despite all of dazai’s maturity, because he was forced to grow so fast, he’s still a child

just a child protecting his fragile little heart the way an adult would, simply replicating what he’d seen others do and what he’d been taught and expanding upon it

That was when Dazai first realized: Sakunosuke Oda understood him much more than he'd ever imagined-right up to his very heart, almost to the center of his mind. Dazai didn't realize until then that someone had known him so well.

it’s as if oda never realized that he knew dazai better than anyone, that he’d successfully reached out and touched the child protecting his heart

oda mentioned regretting not getting closer to dazai

The reason why Ango and I were able to be by his side was that we understood the solitude that surrounded him, and we never stepped inside it no matter how close we stood.

But in that moment, I kind of regretted not stepping in and invading that solitude.

but in his final moments, that child in dazai reached out and asked for guidance, asked for oda to take his hand and point him in the next direction he believed was right because he trusted him

dazai thought so highly of oda because oda was always rather up front about everything, his feelings, what he was thinking, all of that. not once did oda try to use dazai, we find dazai sort of realizing this in the day i picked up dazai (which i read online not too long ago), and that’s what makes dazai like oda so much

they’re so important to me guys btw

With trembling fingers, Odasaku reached for the cigarettes in his pocket before sluggishly placing one in his mouth. By the time he pulled out a match, his fingers were too weak to hold it anymore. Dazai took the match and lit the cigarette for him.

Then Odasaku closed his eyes, smoking the cigarette as he smiled, filled to the brim with satisfaction.

The cigarette fell to the ground.

Dropping onto his knees by Odasaku's side, Dazai looked up to the ceiling and closed his eyes. His tightly shut lips faintly trembled. The smoke from the cigarette rose straight up to the top.

Nobody said a word.

READING THIS SHIT HITS HARDER THAN WATCHING IT THE ANIME FR DOES NOT CARRY THAT SAME IMPACT

something else they never included in the anime was THIS?????

In the middle of a verdant mountain trail atop a hill overlooking Yokohama was a cemetery with a view of the ocean. There were many new graves lined up-among them a small white burial marker without a name.

Dazai stood before the burial marker, dressed in black mourning clothes and holding a bouquet of white flowers.

"…….”

He squinted as the strong sea breeze suddenly gusted past.

The white flowers fluttered in the wind.

"I'll leave this photo here."

He took out a picture and placed it before the burial marker.

Frozen in time were the smiles of those three men.

"I really wish you could've tried that hard tofu I made..."

Dazai closed his eyes, then stood absolutely still, rooted to the spot.

GOD I FEEL ILL I LOVE YOU SO MUCH DAZAI OSAMU

Dazai didn't say a word. That was just about the first time he'd ever been unable to articulate his feelings.

"I..."

this is like one of the first, if not the only time, we get a glimpse into what dazai is thinking and it’s honestly so important that we did it this moment

the anime doesn’t convey it as well just how emotionally driven dazai is in this moment, like, yes you can tell, but his struggle between what he knew was logically correct and what he felt is so important to know about

it also makes this part that he said to ango really ironic

"I always lose the things I don't want to lose the most. That's why I don't feel anything anymore. The moment you get your hands on something worth going after, you lose it."

"When I first saw him over in the slums, I was horrified. His talents are extraordinary, and his skill is extremely destructive. Plus, he's stubborn. If I'd left him to his own devices, he would've ended up a slave to his own powers until he destroyed himself."

Dazai didn't freely make people work under him, period; much less a boy on the verge of starvation in the slums. But Dazai seemed to have his own reasons for doing it.

the way dazai talks about akutagawa here is so interesting and you really gotta take it at face value because he has no reason to lie to oda, especially not about this

here’s dazai being oda’s number one fan

"Sakunosuke Oda... I know that guy," the subordinate with sunglasses added hesitantly. "Dazai, sir, I don't mean to be rude, but...I saw him sweeping behind the office the other day. A man of his status isn't qualified to be your friend, let alone contend with an enemy like this."

Dazai stared, flabbergasted, at his underling.

"Are you joking? Odasaku's not qualified?" Dazai asked, thoroughly surprised.

he’s so cute

now for some silly stuff

here’s oda describing things in terms of cats

Searching for a Mafia informant is on a completely different level from locating a missing pet cat (which I've actually done before, so I say this with confidence). If a cat runs away, then you can stake out a local feeding ground, but there was no way for me to even guess where Ango's "feeding ground" might be.

I had placed a foot on the staircase to the second floor, which looked as if it could come crumbling down at any moment, when I heard a sound coming from somewhere in the building. It was very faint, only about as loud as a kitten rolling on its back.

he’s such a guy

"I am André Gide. We ghosts came in search of... the one who will free our souls," the leader claimed.

…

"Well, I know this guy who works at a funeral home. I'm sure he'll give you a discount if I put in a word for you."

"Anyway, I feel for you, Odasaku. Not only did you run into the enemy's boss, but he made some serious advances toward you, too. At this rate, you guys will be married by the weekend."

"That's not what happened." At least, I hoped not. "They're just a group of weirdos who start wars for the sake of it."

"Oh? I think it's kinda cute, going to such lengths to plan another person's death. I never would've thought of doing that." There was more than a hint of amusement in his tone.

“at least, i hoped not” ODA 😭😭😭

i just love dazai in this specific moment, he’s so silly

"I found a handkerchief at the site of the explosion." Dazai grinned fiendishly. "There was a napkin from this place wrapped inside. It was completely obvious. Who would've thought spies used such dated methods, huh?"

Now that he mentioned it, I remembered lending Ango my handkerchief before I passed out. That must've been when he slipped the napkin in. I just thought I'd lost it.

BRO THOUGHT ANGO JUST LIKE GAVE HIM BACK THE NAPKIN TOO

"Man, that was hot. Why does curry have to be that hot?

Does it have something against mankind? More people would eat it if it were less spicy. This is negligence in food culture." I thought about it for a moment before answering. "If more people ate it, then nobody would eat anything else, thus completely destroying food culture as we know it."

"Makes sense." Dazai nodded, seemingly convinced.

"You hurt yourself on a block of tofu?"

He must have been in desperate need of some calcium.

"...Odasaku, that's exactly the problem right there. You're enabling Dazai. You don't speak up, and that's why he goes off the rails."

I see. So this was what Ango meant by "enabling" him. You learn something new every day.

i love how funny oda is without meaning to be like he fr just says shit 😭

anyways that was a really good read uhh made me really sad, also better than the anime ngl, oda was so much more badass and cool

#ෆ┊¡ notes from val #bungou stray dogs #bsd #bungo stray dogs #bsd dazai #dazai osamu #bsd odasaku #oda sakunosuke #dark era bsd #dark era dazai #bsd buraiha #buraiha trio #ango sakaguchi #bsd ango #bsd analysis

[fracturediron]

I enjoy 'I support Non/Phee/New/masked killer murder rights, get those assholes' jokes as much as the next person, but from a narrative perspective, I truly don't think DFF is going to be a tale about the triumph of revenge and the punishment of the 'deserving.' Not when almost everyone's some shade of grey, with the more villainous characters having redeeming moments (or at least moments that make them human and understandable) and the more sympathetic characters having moments of being shitty.

Even if the killers succeed in their revenge, I don't think they'll get a happy ending (at best, it'll be bittersweet).

On a personal level, I don't think revenge as a concept is inherently wrong. God knows I've fantasised about revenge against the people who've wronged me. It all depends how proportionate it is to the wrong committed, how far you go and whether you end up harming innocent parties in the process.

All the characters are shown to be some shade of grey, with even indisputable assholes like Por and Tee having softer moments, or moments of vulnerability that make you understand where they're coming from without justifying their actions.

And some of the most sympathetic characters have ugly moments where they hurt others, whether it's Jin's filming of Non or Phee telling Non to get lost and die.

In ep 4, although we have yet to see the backstory that'll really make you hate on these kids, there have been enough context clues to pick up they did something BAD, as well as general behaviour.

In ep 1, Por's already illustrated to be a bit of a smug, rich dickhead before his impalement. But when Por dies, it's not played as something just or deserved; it's tragic. His friends are absolutely devastated, and not just I think from the horror and brutality of the whole situation. For all his flaws, Por was their friend, someone they knew since they were kids, someone they knew as a kid. Someone they had a laugh with, hung out with, had fun with, someone whose parents they knew. Por was their friend, and now they'll never see him alive again.

And when these kids die or end up paying for their actions some other way, their deaths will bring suffering and anguish to each other on a personal level, as well as to their families, just like with Non.

White is the closest thing to a completely innocent character we have so far. Much as he'll likely be horrified by everything Tee's done, when Tee's downfall comes (because surely it must; he's one of the biggest players in Non's misery), I can't see White rejoicing in it. It's not so easy to switch off your feelings for someone - even in the wake of ugly revelations - and White just also seems like a decent person, who takes no pleasure in seeing other people hurt.

Whatever happened to Non - whether he's dead or so damaged that he's no longer the same - even if the killers triumph, at the end of the day, Non is still dead (or in a bad state), and he still suffered all the things he went through.

If Phee and Tan (actually New) are the killers, then Phee's been lying to Jin this whole time about his motivations. Not only that, but poised to betray him in the most horrific way possible and harming their supposed friends. And if Phee's inadvertently developed feelings for Jin, then that's a sacrifice he must pay if his revenge is to succeed, tearing his heart out in the process.

TLDR; Most of them aren't getting out of this alive, no one's getting out of this happy

#dead friend forever #dff the series #dff #dff meta

[mikobeautifulheart]

5 stages of grief, 3 Bargaining

Satoru Gojo x reader

Tw: Mentions of death and depression.

"Yuji, make sure she stays healthy, sometimes she forgets to eat." He manages to grunt out lying in rubble.

"Satoru please" You held is hand to your face, crying as he said his last words.

"She also needs to laugh alot. Doctors orders" He smiled before he set his eyes on you.

"But for god sake Yuji, don't steal my girl." He said before his eyes lightened and his chest stopped rising.

"SATORU!" You screamed as his arm fell limp and slipped out your grasp.

"Y/N YOU NEED TO LEAVE" Yuji said as he heard a building collaps.

"S-s-satoru no." You closed your eyes this can't be happening.

"He put up a good fight, just not good enough" Sukuna's deep voice said from behind you.

You didn't care if you lived of died anymore, Satoru, the love of your life, he was dead. You just sat there, tears falling onto his corpse.

Yuji turns around to look at Sukuna seeing his arms crossed looking down at you and Gojo.

"Be glad I gave him the joys of having last words." Sukuna said a smile spreading across his face.

Those next few days were a blur, you didn't know how long had passed since Satoru had died. All you knew was that you tried every ancient method and mix of techniques to bring him back. Being one of the only people left to use reversed cursed technique you worked tireless and continuously around the clock trying to bring him back.

"Y/n, I'm sorry." Shoko said putting her hand on your shoulder. "There's nothing we can do." She said.

"No...No he's not dead Shoko, he's waiting, waiting for us to find away to bring him back." You said frantically grabbing lose papers around you and scanning them for anything you haven't tried.

"Y/n you need to stop, you'll die if you don't sleep or eat something-"

"I don't care if I live or die Shoko, I care if I succeed or fail." You said not turning away from the papers.

You gave it your all but nothing worked.

"Go home." Shoko said to you as you silently cried over his body.

You don't even remember driving home, you opened the door to a clean house.

You stumbled inside looking at the floor, you couldn't bare looking at all the pictures of him hung up on the walls. You walked into your bed room and sat on your side of the shared bed. You sighed and let you body sink.

Suddenly something glistened catching your attention. Your eyes were draw to a small box on your bed side table with a gold bow on top. Next to it was a card. You hesitated before picking it up and opening the card.

Inside the card read:

'To all the precious things that slipped through my fingers'

There was something else to, a ring. It had a beautiful sparkling blue stone in it. Even though you knew it was probably the most expensive thing you owned, it wasn't because of the price tag but because of the day, the plan, the words.

The day Satoru died was on your 4th anniversary. He planned to surprise you when you got back home from the 'quick' mission. Even after being freed from the prison realm he still remembered the day.

You slid off the side of the bed and held your hand on your mouth, trying to muffle your cries.

"Mommy" A little boy stood at the door way, no older then 5.

"Are you okay?" He said before moving toward you.

"Yes, yes baby I'm fine, I just hurt my arm that's all" You say through sobs.

"Mommy, when's daddy coming home." He asked.

Your heart tensed making your whole body act in agony.

"He'll be home late" You said. You couldn't help but cry more as you were reminded that Satoru was never coming home, ever.

"He'll be home some time."

Life continued on and you found yourself watching your son leave for school from your front door. He grew to be a good kid to.

"Hey, mom."

"Yes."

"Dad's not coming home is he?"

The silence stabbed your heart.

"...No...He's just on a long job, he'll be back one day, were just not sure yet." You replied.

Your son wasn't a kid anymore, he grew and understood that his dad would never be back, but he also understood that you hadn't accepted that yet. He saw you every day muttering to yourself that if you tried some sort of tactic or method and even technique, he would be there today.

"Okay" He said before walking out the door.

"When are you going to tell him?" Satoru asked leaning at the end of the hall way behind you.

"I-I don't know. But you might come back to me, to us. I found this book under jujutsu high that might work on you." You said turning to him.

"Y/n, I'm gone, there's nothing you can do now." He said

"I can try" You said.

"Its been 10 years y/n, he know its and he accepted it, he's being strong for you." He said

"You need to stop trying, i'm sorry but i'm not coming back."

"No Satoru, don't say that" You turned and wrapped your arms around his figure.

"I can do something! I'm not useless, I won't let you die!" You said desperately digging your face into his chest.

"You need to" He said.

"Y/N I love you and our son, I might be dead but i'll always be yours and i'll be waiting for you. When the day comes i'll be here waiting with open arms."

"Satoru..." you cried.

"Don't let the precious things slip through your fingers." He said pulling away and gesturing toward the family photo with Him, you and your son.

"Good bey"

THANK YOU FOR READING ♡

AUTHOURS NOTE: AH NEXT IS DEPRESSION WITH NANAMI SO HOLD OUT FOR THAT. Anyways I cant believe the series is nearly over now. Feel free to request any of the stages for the same or different characters, have a good what ever time and reblogs r welcomed.

#jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk fluff #jjk x you #jujutsu kaisen x you #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo #gojo satoru #gojo #gojo saturo #jjk satoru #jujutsu gojo #jujustu kaisen #satoru gojo #satoru x reader #satoru x you #Gojo satoru #gojou satoru x reader #jujutsu satoru #satorugojo #gojo jjk

[mybelovedwoo]

a hero can save me now

seonghwa x f!reader

fluff, angst, forbidden love/ wc: 1.4k

warnings: drinking alcohol, oc being tipsy, a very annoying guy, seonghwa being a savage

note: seonghwa is literally what we all need. it is impossible to not fall for him TTTT please tell me all you thoughts about this drabble. thank you for reading it!!

seonghwa masterlist - main masterlist

Being drunk with "friends" you're not really friends with wasn't the best idea you've ever had. But what could you do when you're classmates from university invited you to have a couple of drinks with them as you all finished your exams, it was supposed to be a celebration or whatever, but it turned around real quick when a group of guys joined you all. Not gonna lie, they made you feel a bit uncomfortable with their nagging. They wanted you to drink more, when you were already tipsy enough to feel unsafe with them. You've already had enough for today.

You tried to grab your phone from your pocket, but it was quite stuck there. It took you a couple of tries to actually succeed with this easy task. You scrolled through your contact list, looking for who would be the most worthy to call at this late hour, because you're sure it's not a good idea to go home like this all by yourself. Your hands stopped at Yunho's name, you probably should not call him, because the moment he tells your sister about it, your screwed. But your finger already pushed the call button, he is kinda like your big brother and probably your safest option right now, you trust him.

When the phone rings, all you can think about is that you have to end it before he actually picks it up, he's probably already fast asleep and you should not bother him. But before you can do that, a voice speaks from the other end "Hello?" But it's not Yunho's, although it's a very familiar deep voice. "Y/n is it you?" asks the unknown person on the other end of the line.

"Who is asking? And where is Yunho?" you are very confused and the alcohol in your body is not helping either to understand the situation. "Look, I don't know who you are, but please give him the phone, it would be very important."

"I can't, he's in the shower, that's why I picked it up." Great, then you can't ask him either to come get you. "And I'm Seonghwa by the way. Is everything okay tho?" Oh shit, not him, please. You literally can feel your whole face heating up, it feels like it's a hundred degrees inside suddenly.

"No- I mean yes- But not really. I should hang up the phone, it's pretty late already." You're stuttering, this god damn alcohol is not helping you hide your nervousness. After your last encounter, you've been thinking about him a lot. He was just so nice to you when he didn't have to.

"Y/n, did you drink?" Now you're speechless, suddenly you don't know what to say. Should you tell him the truth or just lie to him and let this thing go in peace? But before you could say anything, one of the unknown guys interrupted you. He crawled into your privacy, putting his arms around your shoulders when he sat down next to you. You gave him a look of disgust. "Who are you talking to? Your boyfriend maybe?" Now he's not just being disrespectful, but also embarrassing you. You try to shove his arms from you when you hear Seonghwa talk again.

"Tell him it's your boyfriend! I'm on my way, just tell me where you are!" And before you could process what he said, your mouth acted before your mind and told him your location, then he just hung up without another word. Now this didn't turn out the way you've planned. Instead of your big brother, your crush is coming to get you, and he's gonna see you like a mess.

-

You decided to wait outside instead. To be honest, you couldn't endure the presence of those annoying guys anymore, also you felt very hot, you felt like your whole body was boiling from the inside, so it seemed better to wait in the fresh air. You sat down on the windowsill, where people usually go out to smoke and have a conversation with their friends. Luckily no one was there right now.

You didn't have to wait long before you saw your savior in your sight, hurrying to the pub. You buried your head in your hands to sober up a bit, since everything was spinning around you. You still couldn't believe how you ended up in this situation.

Seonghwa's eyes already found you sitting there by yourself. He never saw you in such a vulnerable state, and to be honest it stressed him out a little. He didn't understand this feeling, but the moment he heard that you were not safe on the phone, he ran out the door, he wasn't even thinking about it, god he even forgot to tell Yunho about the situation.

You felt a pair of hands stroke your hair, so you took all of your strength and raised your head, only to find Seonghwa tower over you. Suddenly you felt so small next to him, he felt like a shield from everything that possibly can harm you. "Hey there." Now that reality hit him, he didn't know what to say or do, he acted before thinking, and now he don't even know what he's doing here. "Can you stand up?" He asked you.

When you didn't answer him, he held out his hands to help you, but you didn't take it. You braced yourself on both sides of you and struggled to stand up, but eventually, you were standing in front of the taller man. But he still kept his hand there, in case you still needed his help.

"Seonghwa why are you here?" It just came out of your mouth, you couldn't think of anything else since he hung up on you. You had so many questions that were confusing you. Maybe it's just the alcohol, but suddenly you feel very brave, that you can ask him all your unanswered questions.

This caught him off guard, he didn't know what to say either. "I just want to help you. You don't want me here?" He could only think of the worst, what if he is the one that ruined your night and made you uncomfortable?

"That's not what I'm saying, I'm just asking you why are you here? I mean why did you come here to help me?" You accidentally lost your balance when you wanted to go a little further from him because being this close to him made you a little nervous, but luckily he reacted quickly and caught your hands, so you could stabilize yourself once again.

It didn't turn out the way you planned, instead of getting further away from him, you're now literally in his arms. You quickly pulled your hand away so he wouldn't notice how sweaty it was.

"Because ever since we last met, I think of you sometimes." You can't believe what you're hearing, you must be hallucinating. "I realized how cool you are. I like you, I really do and I would like to hang out with you more." You're just dreaming now, right? This isn't reality. Why would a guy like him want to hang out with you? This doesn't sit right. 

"Ohh there you are. And I can see the boyfriend has arrived too." Not this man again. Why does he keep following you, not even speaking about embarrassing you in front of Seonghwa? You roll your eyes at him. "He is not-"

"Yes, that's right, I'm here now."The tall man next to you cut in your words, surprising everyone, even himself, but on the outside, he stays confident. He takes a step forward to stand between you and the man. "So why were you looking for my girlfriend?" He asks him.

You can feel your face heating up, you must look like a tomato right now, luckily Seonghwa cannot see you at the moment. You know he's just lying, so the man would finally leave you alone, but it still feels strange hearing this from him.

The man was speechless, he clearly wasn't expecting this to happen. "I- The- Yes, the others were searching for her, so I thought I'd come find her." The man was stuttering, making up an excuse.

"Now you know that she is with me and we're already leaving, so you can go back, buddy." The man can't do anything, just turns around and goes back to where he came from. Seonghwa turns back to you, just to check on you, he's really worried that his actions made you uncomfortable. But little did he know it did not, in fact you thought it was kinda hot.

"So can I walk you home?" He asked you nervously, making sure he doesn't do anything you're not okay with. You nodded to let him know, you're completely okay with it. 

-

#ateez #atz #ateez scenarios #ateez x reader #ateez fluff #ateez imagine #ateez fanfic #ateez imagines #seonghwa x reader #seonghwa fic #seongwha #seonghwa #park seonghwa #forbidden love #fanfic #seonghwa forbidden love #ateez seonghwa #seonghwa x you #seonghwa x y/n

[bronx-bomber87]

Happy Saturday fandom :) Already onto episode 2. We get to see some new challenges for Tim and lots of work flirts because well it’s s4. These two are emotionally dating whether they realize it or not haha. Not a ton in this ep for them but just enough goodies possible with them riding apart. Off we go.

4x02 Five Minutes

We start our ep off with Nolan helping out with paint samples. Tamara has moved in (yay I love this) and they’re trying to decide what color. Tamara says she doesn’t care it’s Lucy's apt. Seemingly resigned at this point. Lucy doesn’t agree and says it’s her room though. Tamara says it’s not hers it’s…she trails off before mentioning Jackson's name. Lucy realizes this and cuts it off before she gets emotional. My heart. Nolan tells her they have to get ready for work.

They leave Tamara's room and Lucy asks John if they’re being silly about the color? That they're taking this long to pick one out? He’s says it’s not 'We' but her. Lucy gives him a look. She knows what he's implying but isn’t ready to talk about it yet. So she hands him his bag instead. She notes it’s super heavy. Asking what’s in it? Apparently Tim gave him ton of books to read for being a T.O. Nolan asks if it’s weird for her Tim's not a T.O. anymore?

Lucy acting all civil and grown up or trying to. Saying no he’s moving on with his career. So will she. I mean deep down she's gotta be happy with the fact that she was the last rookie he trained fully. End on a high note and all that. That high note being her. She continues on that she hadn't even thought of him being a rookie Sergeant. The look on her face betraying her words. She's failing terribly at containing her excitement at what she's done haha

As we can see in this next scene Lucy is a lying liar who lies. We cut to Tim looking fine af in a TIGHT red t-shirt. Sweet baby James those guns should be illegal. Look at his bicep as he opens that locker. My god. Walking thirst trap and I'm here for it. He’s all happy walking up to his locker. Then he opens it and finds her note with a bunch of small boots LOL It’s amazing and glorious. His face kills me. I love her knowing the combination to his lock in first place to plant these. Ahh the work flirts between these two never cease to amaze. Pranking is one of their love languages hehe

Tim enters Grey’s office to officially get his Sergeant’s badge for Mid Wilshire. He’s so excited it's adorable to watch. Telling Grey he won’t let him down. Wade says he will. Tim looks crushed poor love. Grey telling him he’s going to fail just as much as he succeeds. Interesting to watch Tim stumble off the blocks a bit with this. The entire episode is him feeling out being a Sergeant for the first time. Naturally he’s a little cocky. He's always puffing his chest out more around others that aren't Lucy heh

Tim is thinking he can just apply his T.O. Tactics to this and Wade isn’t about it. The little wink above. Have mercy sir ... Learned all that sass from being around his girl haha Grey is not amused. Tells him he can easily remove those strips HA I love it. So much growth to be had in this new role of his. Always love watching him stretch himself. Grey tells Tim he’s going to be leading roll call today. He is so amped. I love this sfm.

Grey announces Tim being the station's newest sergeant and Lucy is aglow with pride. Look at her. She is so damn excited and proud of him. She's been on this journey with him since day one. Ready to make a big deal and celebrate him. Even when he won’t. Especially when he won’t. This reaction is proud wifey status right here. Her pre clap is so cute. She is ready to celebrate him and his achievement before anyone else is. Lucy notice's no one else is as excited as her and has to rein herself back in LOL The minute it's announced she is filled with pride and glee. It's written all over her body language and her need to want to clap for him before it's time. You know he made eye contact with her for that little smirk. I love them.

Also let’s talk about the heart eyes/little eye sex Lucy is giving Tim during his first roll call he's leading Look at her in the beginning. Keep it in your pants Officer Chen LMAO You are in public madam. Tim is shocking everyone but Lucy with his rant. Just a normal day for her when he talks like this. It's too funny. He is shocking everyone else though. Even Grey is thrown back by his words. Not his girl though. There’s nothing he can say that’ll throw her. Look at her smile as she leaves the roll call room. She is bemused he just went on a 'Tim Rant' in his first roll call. I love it so much.

We rejoin Lucy with Nolan in their shop. She is asking about wallpaper and what he thinks? Nolan pokes the bear one more time. Saying she’s the most insightful person he knows. Lucy has to see why she is delaying picking out a color. That Tamara can never accept the room as her's till Lucy moves on from it being Jackson’s. Before she can answer a car races by them. They pull them over immediately.

Nolan asks if he can practice being a T.O. With her? Lucy gives him some crap then says yeah show me what you got. He calls her boot and lives to regret it so very much. I love the absolute sass in her body language alone. Like you best walk that back LOL She barely let Tim call her that let alone you Nolan haha

Grey and Tim are riding together today. Wade going over not arriving to a scene right away. How it hurts the officer's confidence when you do. You can see Tim squirming in his seat with all this haha It's the very opposite of being a training officer. This is where this position makes him grow. It’s forcing him to do things he normally wouldn’t. Honestly riding with Lucy prepped him for this in a way he doesn’t understand just yet. Taught him all the things he needs to be a good supervisor.

Doesn’t mean he won’t have growing pains along the way though LOL Before he can reply Nolan contacts them about the driver he’s pulled over. Nolan ran her ID and finds out she is a white whale. Claire Ivy. Been suspected in multiple heists dating back 20 years. How Lopez almost caught her in 2016. Grey tells him to cite her and let her go. To inform her she’s on their radar though. To leave town ASAP.

Nolan returns to Lucy and Claire. She is a complete bad ass. Not taking Nolan’s warnings seriously at all. She even winks at Lucy before taking off. Nolan asking her what she thinks? Lucy having the funniest reply. Saying she has a girl crush haha I love Lucy so much.

Tim and Wade show up to Nyla’s scene. Her first call with Aaron is a murder. Grey asks her where her rookie is? She point to him on the sidewalk sitting. Looking pretty shaken up. Tim asks if he puked with a smile. Heh you’re terrible you handsome devil. She says yes but it’s more than the gore. That he was having some PTSD. Then tells Grey it’s almost like he shouldn’t be a cop…. Harper was so harsh with Aaron in the beginning. Grey notes it’s a good thing he has the best T.O. In the business to help him then.

Tim needing to give Nyla a hard time says his line above. I love the constant teasing between these two. It’s so funny and a delight to watch how they’ve developed. Her face is everything haha The rivalry between them is the absolute best. Wade tells Tim to stay on task.... Tim tries to canvass and Grey stops him. Saying he’s there to supervise not canvas. Poor Tim its a default gear for him. So he tells Harper to take her rookie and do as such. She gives him a smile saying 'Yes sir.' hehe

Lucy gets home and has a heart to heart with Tamara. She knows she can't avoid having it any longer. It makes me emotional to watch Lucy struggle with talking about him. Then Tamara gets emotional as well. Getting me right in the feels ladies. Lucy apologizing for being so manic about the color. That when they do this it'll make all this real. Even months later she will have to face that fact that he's never coming home to this room. Which is rough for both of them to deal with. I mean Tamara is feeling guilt for even taking the room let alone altering it. Lucy is struggling changing it as well for her own reasons.

Tamara feeling hesitant to make it her own. Because anytime she changes anything feels like she erasing him. Ugh my heart. This is such a good scene for them though. I love Lucy telling her Jackson would’ve loved her staying here. He would've wanted something good to come out of this. This is Lucy’s official moving on moment. Not letting this weigh her down any longer. So Tamara too can move on and not feel guilty making this room her own. Guess Nolan was right. Even a blind squirrel finds a nut every once in awhile eh?

We find Lucy and Nolan next day camping outside Claire's hotel. They're talking about his date with Bailey and her breaking up with him via text. Before they delve any further Tim calls in asking for a status update. Lucy lets him know no activity on their end but what about the rest of her team? I love this mini moment of theirs. Their banter over the radio. Them talking this situation out. Like Nolan isn’t even there. Theorizing together like they’re in the same car. Their work chemistry isn't missing a beat in this scene. Also lets admire his bicep in this scene. Straining against that sleeve.*fans self* It's like he wants me to comment like this LMFAO

Tim telling Lucy his thoughts is my fav part. Being vulnerable with her saying he’s nervous. Only Lucy gets this side of him even when they’re not in the same space I love it sfm. There is growth in this moment. Normally he would just say or direct an OP like this. Wouldn’t need anyone else’s input. But now he’s post-Lucy being his rookie. We see the impact she’s had on him. How he’s relying on her thoughts and relaying his own. Doesn’t seem like a big moment in grand scheme of things. When we know the cuteness at the end of this episode. But I love underrated moments and this is one of them.

Grey finds out Tim was apart of the OP who took down Claire and her team. He is none too happy about it. Tim is confused saying he used his skills in the best way possible. Wade calls him out for it. Telling him no. He just couldn’t trust anyone else to get it done right. That control freaks don’t make good sergeants. It’s a rough first go for Tim. He has a lot to learn about stepping back and his need to control. To trust those around him. It’s something we will see him grow in this season.

But we can’t appreciate such growth unless we see him start at square one. Just like with S1 Tim. If we didn’t see him at his lowest how could we truly appreciate the depth of his growth when it happened? It’s the same with his new role as sergeant. He does stand his ground saying he needs to find his own way as a sergeant. He asks Grey if there is anything else? He adds on praise is important. An 'Atta-Boy' from the boss goes a long way.

Lucy is trying to sneak more booties into Tim’s locker when he catches her. Tim acting like he’s shocked but I don’t think he really is haha Asking her what she's doing? Lucy telling him how she’s paying him back. That word haunts her LOL She has to remind him he is a 'Boot' now. Getting immense joy out of teasing him. They are so married in this scene it’s unreal. Naturally he has to chastise her doing the same prank twice. Wouldn’t be him if he didn’t. His way of flirting right back. These two idiots in love.

Lucy hands him the booties and says she’s going to leave him to it then. Not expecting more out of this moment than this mini banter. Tim doesn’t let her get too far before giving her that compliment. He's so uncomfortable about saying it you know she is soaking this up. Enjoying him being uncomfortable so much.

Lucy is also stunned he’s giving her praise so freely when he finally gets it out. Her face says everything about her disbelief. Tim sees it instantly and tells her Grey suggested he do so. Like it's such a hardship to praise her like this heh. Lucy seeing he’s trying to grow and thanks him with that cocky smirk we know he loves so much.

Although Lucy can’t pass up the opportunity to push his buttons. Has to see if she can’t get him to spill more since he is in a sharing mood. About her specifically of course haha One of her love languages is receiving those words of affirmation and praise from him. She laps it up like a thirsty dog hehe She’s comfortable enough ‘Push her luck’ as Tim states above. Tim of course stops Lucy in her tracks. Knowing exactly what she is up to.

I love her awkward exit when she knows she has pressed her luck. The pointing and backing out is so adorable I can not stand it. We know he loves her goofy dorkiness. It's that dorky sunshine he falls in love with in the first place. You know he misses riding with her so much in this moment. He holds his ‘serious’ face till she leaves. Shakes his head so bemused by her actions.

Then when she’s out of sight his true colors come into play. Look at this man. Tim looks down at the boots with a happy smirk. He is so smitten and happy she did this prank. Why you ask? Because it meant she was thinking of him. Thought of his special day and did something to commemorate it. You know he actually loves how thoughtful she is. How she always makes him #1. Makes him feel like he’s #1 in her book. Something that is so very foreign to him.

Just like Lucy adores his praise. He soaks up her affection and putting him and his accomplishments on the front burner. Never lets Tim pass by with anything less than a Lucy worthy celebration. Like I said earlier pranking is a love language of their's. This is her way of saying she cares. Does it in a way he can handle but knows her intention. Tim has never had someone like her before. He is very smitten and that wall of his is damn near rubble at this point. We’re not there yet but it’s on it's way to utter ruin. Thank you Lucy Chen haha

Tamara finally finishes up her room. She’s nervous to show Lucy. It’s so cute. I love what she did with it. So very her and I love it. Lucy giving her stamp approval is just what she needed. This is such a cute moment. I love their chosen sisterhood so much. Gives me warm fuzzies for days. How far they’ve come from Tamara stealing Lucy’s car heh Tamara finally having her own safe space and having it with Lucy is the best part.

Cute little episode for them as we enter full into this season. I always love when we get little work flirts with them. They’re dating and have idea about and that’s the best part of the the whole dynamic.

~~~~

Side notes non chenford-

The introduction of Aaron. I wasn’t sure about him at first but ended up adoring him. He won me over fairly quickly.

Wes and Angela spending the only time Jack sleeps theorizing about Aaron’s case instead of sleeping LOL I love them sfm.

Thank you as always to those who continuously like, comment and reblog these reviews. Makes my heart so happy. Shall see you all in 4x03 :)

#Caitlin Rewatches The Rookie #chenford #chenford hiatus #waiting on s6 #winter rewatch #s4 #4x02 Five Minutes #the rookie 4x02 #otp: doing my job #otp: you know me so well. too well #otp: some things matter more #otp: you did good #tim x lucy #tim bradford #lucy chen #lucy x tim #the rookie #eric winter #melissa o'neil #tim bradford x lucy chen

[sunflower-fields070]

so- I found this song and decided that I was gonna cave and do a breakdown of the lyrics and why it's c!Icarus coded.

The song chosen is "This Is Love" by Air Traffic Controller.

(THESE ARE ONLY THE LINES I HAVE CODED MYSELF)

“You're no good, you're no good

You could kill me and you should”

This during the season 2 prison duo incident, with Icarus keeping Centross in the prison. Centross saying that Icarus isn’t a good person and so is he, and that Centross should be killed by them based on everything that’s happened.

“I'm an idiot for thinking

This was anything but blood”

Centross again, and still in that prison incident from season 2, where it’s Centross realising the reasons why Icarus was doing what they’re doing. Can also be taken as season 3 current brothers, where Rae is realising what Icarus is doing with Fable.

“You must like being the victim

You've done nothing to get out

Of this pattern of pain”

Icarus still being stuck in the cycle of pain, and sometimes not bothering to get out of it and just moping around.

“You'll forgive me if I promise

And do nothing but the same”

Icarus saying that they won’t do those things again, and yet still doing them again and again, breaking everyone’s trust.

“This is life until death

Could be my last dying breath”

Centross saying during the drunk stream that he won’t be around much longer, this turning out to be true from the Cathedral stream.

“Forget everything you used to know

I think you better tell your friends to go

Stick around 'cause I'm about to show you

The beginning is the end”

Each reset, and when a new villain arc happens for Icarus, everyone else has to scatter and try to figure new things out because it didn’t work like the first time.

“Yeah, I know wrong, I know right

But I just love to pick a fight”

Season 3 Icarus saying they know what the wrongs and rights are of what’s happening, but they prefer the fight as a main solution (which the arguably never succeed in)

- Can also be taken for season 1 corrupt!Icarus, how they always fought with everyone except a few (Easton, occasionally Athena, Momboo, etc.)

“If there's any sleep at night”

Season 3 Icarus, and how the nights seemed to be sleepless once Centross died.

Again, can be taken as season 1 corrupt!Icarus, and the fact they never really slept during Ominous bane, or throughout the time of corruption in general until they were broken out of it.

“I got my knife, got my gun”

Corrupt!Icarus talking to Athena (or Ominous Bane) before the Three Strikes stream, and the “knife” being their sword, with their “gun” being their bow (which I believed was named “Gun” in season 1? I may be thinking of another time thought)

“Let’s see how fast you run”

Three Strikes stream, Icarus chasing after Athena and threatening to shoot their arrow at him. (I think that speaks for itself, yeah?)

“You might think that you can hurt me

But the damage has been done”

Icarus talking to Rae or anyone trying to “hurt” them during corruption, saying they can’t be hurt more as whatever damage spoken had already been dealt.

“If I was sorry for my actions

Would I ever stoop so low?”

Icarus saying that if they were sorry they wouldn’t be stooping down as far as some of the things they’ve done. Probably current Icarus/season 3 Icarus.

“I was good but then I quit

Everyone that tried to fix me

Knows that I can't change a bit

I've got no shame, got no pride

Only skeletons to hide”

Icarus saying that they tried to be good, they tried so hard but it ended up in them still being a villain, no matter what everyone did to try “fix” them. Everyone (Icarus and the things + maybe fable and/or coworkers) knows that they don’t change no matter what, and the “skeletons” being those they’ve killed. Momboo, Haley, all the gods, and technically Centross though that was more Fable’s doing.

#fable smp #fsmp #icarus morningstar #centross #prison duo #fablesmpblr #fsmpblr #fsmp icarus #song breakdown #analysis post #song analysis #i have so many thoughts you guys #please help my brain won't stop with these thoughts

[panda-of-the-trash]

Drabble 3: Inner voices

Nightmare had this power.

A power where he could speak in the minds of others, his voice echoing among their thoughts. It was mostly an intimidation display, a tactic to spread fear among people.

It was small compared to his other powers but it was affective. And he still had his fun with it.

A little too much fun if you asked Cross.

The god could admittedly be quite the asshole. It happened often that he suddenly but randomly used his power on an unsuspecting castle inhabitant that was in the middle of performing a task and they ended up getting spooked by him.

And to say he abused his power with Cross was a bit of an understatement.

Everytime they greeted the new recruits, Nightmare would try and break Cross out of his stoic demeanor by telling him jokes and ridiculous nonsense, but he had yet to succeed.

Whenever Nightmare caught the guards training, he´d tell Cross how good he looked and how he couldn´t wait for him to join him in their chambers so he could tear the guard´s remaining clothes off and do unspeakable things to him. That, on more than one occasion, earned the king a deep blush from Cross.

Sometimes, when he was walking through the halls, Nightmare´s voice would boom inside of his head all of the sudden. The physical appearance of the god Cross could handle. Whenever the god approached him, he could feel his presence. But hearing his voice out of nowhere without feeling his presence? He was a little ashamed to admit that a couple of foul words left his mouth when it happened.

So whatever chance Cross had to take a little revenge on the god, he took.

This was such a moment.

Cross put away the practice spears. He had just finished a training session with some guards. There was a new guard that had been a little too eager to spar with him, ogling him whatever chance he had. He was indifferent to it, he had Nightmare after all.

He closed the weapons cabinet when a shadow fell over him. Cross slowly turned around to meet the eyes of the new guard, grinning at him. Cross gave him an unimpressed look. "Can I help you?"

"You most certainly can." The guard winked at him. Cross gave a little huff of disbelief at the utter audacity he had. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. You say I couldn't help but see how fast you were on your feet and I was wondering if you could show me..maybe one on one?"

'Who the hell does this buffoon think he is?'

Cross gave a little snort, picking up on the tone Nightmare had.

"We´re alone at the moment, what do you need me to show you?"

'Cross, Cross what in the gods´s names are you doing.'

The guard grinned, putting a hand on the wall next to Cross. "Well I was offering you an opportunity to meet when we were less sweaty but this´ll do." Cross crossed his arms.

'You cannot actually be serious. Are you really entertaining the likes of him??'

The guard started leaning closer and Cross quickly put a hand on his chest to push him away. "Are you going to tell me about the move or can I get on with my day?"

The guard smirked at him. "I think you know what move I'm talking about." He again walked closer, Cross taking a step back. "With you down on your knees~"

"Am I interrupting something?"

Both Cross and the guard turned to the doorway, where Nightmare looked at them with a stern eye.

"B-boss! No of course not. Captain here just helped me with a move." Nightmare walked closer, looking neutral to those who didn't know him, but Cross saw the subtle signs that the god held no patience.

"Aren't you supposed to be at dinner? Go on, I have things to talk about with the captain."

The guard quickly and nervously bowed, half running out of the training room. As soon as it was just the two of them, Nightmare turned to Cross, looking pissy.

Cross grinned up at him. "You said we have things to talk about your grace?"

"You did that on purpose-"

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you're not." He gave a huff, paling around the room with a pout. "He tried kissing you! He wasn't even being subtle about it!"

"And you know that how?" Cross raised a brow.

"Oh let's cut the crap, you knew I was watching. You did that on purpose to make me jealous."

Cross gave him a wide grin. "Did it work?"

"Wh-you! Of course it worked! I don't like anyone touching what´s mine-" Nightmare growled, pouting like a child.

Cross chuckled softly, walking up to him to wrap his arms around his waist. "Oh Nights, i´m yours for a thousand planets and a thousand stars."

Nightmare huffed softly, cupping Cross´s cheeks, making the guard melt into his hands. "I know…I just don't appreciate someone trying to take you from me."

"Let them try, they'll never succeed." Cross kissed the palm of his hand. "I'm forever yours."

Finally, a small smile graced Nightmare´s face and he pressed a kiss to Cross´s forehead. "Forever mine."

#panya writes crossmare #crossmare #crightmoss #nightcross

[shentheauthor]

That last ask got me wondering...can I request headcanons for how the Harbingers would react if their S/O gave them flowers? 👀💐

Hell yeah let’s go (slight angst on Signora’s)

Pierro: thanks you softly and sincerely. Those flowers will be put in the nicest spot in his office for everyone to see. I hc that he likes gardening, so he would try to plant them and regrow them if he can. He is not immune to old timey rizz

Capitano: Honestly he would not expect it at all. He isn’t really the type people are “soft” for, but by god he is soft for you. He’s on the move constantly, so he doesn’t really have a safe place to put them, but he’ll keep them safe as long as he can

Dottore: “Hm, fascinating” headass NRKHKEKG. He would press the flowers and dry them to keep them as bookmarks. He might also cast them in resin as paperweights. Living things don’t tend to stay living around him for long, but he’ll preserve them in his own way. He will also lecture you on their exact classification and how the flowers’ structures work, whether you want him to or not

Columbina: weaves the flowers into a flower crown and has you wear it. She would love to see them catch the eye of other people. She isn’t easily jealous, so she takes pride in people seeing that you’re hers. Shockingly sweet for someone who keeps her emotions close to her chest

Arlecchino: she also displays the flowers in her office. She’ll snap at anyone who so much as breathes on them. A recruit lost his fingers bc he dared to touch the flowers. Arle isn’t the romantic type, but she cherishes any gift you give her

Pulcinella: another old timer, also not immune to old timey rizz. He has a big ol nose for a reason, and he will use it. Those flowers will be well cared for, and he will be v happy that he got them

Scaramouche: He’s the tsundere of the bunch, so he won’t accept the flowers if they’re given to him around anyone else, but if you’re alone, he’d give a quiet, flustered “thank you.” Followed by some narcissism bc “of course this offering won’t suffice in the future, but this is fine for now.” Asshole (affectionate)

Sandrone: She also preserves the flowers, but she’ll find a way to turn them into machines… somehow. You are very, very lucky if she hasn’t turned you into a puppet as well. Still, she appreciates the gift, and she WILL murder anyone who touches the flowers (unless it’s you) without hesitation

Signora: Rostam used to give her flowers. It would take a lot of effort to get her to open up her heart again, but if you succeed, the relationship will always have a hint of sadness behind it. She cherishes every gift, bc it may just be your last. She will keep those flowers alive at all costs, bc she doesn’t want to lose anything that has to do with you

Pantalone: money is the most important thing to him (besides you, hopefully), but he loves gifts anyway. It strokes his ego, but it also comes from a place of love he isn’t used to receiving. He especially appreciates it if the flowers are hand-picked and not bought from a store. Time is money, and taking time out of your day to do smth so small for him is touching. He will spoil you after

Tartaglia: MAN. This man is cheesy. He is CORNY. He will write you a love poem in return, deadass. He will take you flower picking. He will serenade you. This man canonically does theater, you CANNOT tell me he wouldn’t be the corniest motherfucker in a relationship (I’m projecting onto him). He will wear the flowers in his hair until they shrivel and die, and then he’ll just ask you for more so he can wear them again. He’ll take them out on the job so they don’t get ruined (and also for his reputation), but away from prying eyes, those things will not leave his hair

Hope you like these! I’m thinking ab opening up an ask blog tbh, just to reduce clutter here. We’ll see if I get the motivation and time to run it!

#genshin impact #harbinger headcanons #Shen’s headcanons #fatui harbingers #Pierro #Dottore #capitano #columbina #Arlecchino #pulcinella #scaramouche #sandrone #Signora #Pantalone #Tartaglia #hope to god I didn’t forget some wooh that’s a lot of tags #x reader #I think I’ve gotten specific enough to deserve the x reader tag 😭😭