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#have been dealing w personal and health issues etc

prince-liest · 22 days

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Why is it that Vox is bad at setting boundaries?? Is that a trait specific to his relationship w/ Alastor or could it be applied to others?

In my interpretation of his character for 666, it's an issue he has with Alastor and Valentino, though in different ways. He has a very obsessive personality and an anxious attachment style, and one of the problems that causes for him in his relationships is that when something happens that makes him genuinely uncomfortable, he has to weigh the pros and cons: do I draw a line in the sand and stand up for myself... or do I tolerate this, like, one thing in favor of keeping my dream come true (Alastor) or the longest, closest relationship I've ever had with someone I've been through all kinds of shit with that knows me best (Valentino)?

He's bad at making the choice that's better for his own mental health, because Alastor is mercurial and a shitty communicator that (from the POV of Vox's in-the-moment anxiety) might ditch Vox at any moment, and Valentino is great at making it sound so reasonable for Vox to just calm down, stop being so dramatic, it's not that big of a deal, he doesn't know why Vox is throwing a fit when they were having such a good time... weren't they? Because Val was having a good time, and he can promise that Vox is about to... besides, doesn't Val always come through?

I also think it mostly comes up when he's already feeling vulnerable, or when Val decides to make a whole situation out of it. When Val or Alastor are just being annoying, or it's something he's confident he's right about, he's happy to make fun of Alastor being "not drunk" or Valentino making a mess chasing after Angel Dust, etc, etc. He also has a lot more experience handling Valentino and has had a lot more drama with him (and thus knows that they'll make it through and come out the other end just fine), so he's more willing to push back; but on the other hand, Val has a lot more practice at circumnavigating Vox's boundaries when he really wants to.

As for the source of this character interpretation: mostly I cobbled it together from Valentino's tendencies as a character + the natural consequence of Vox's psychosexual obsession with Alastor being one-sided. Canon might joss it later, but I like the contrast between a Vox that's a domineering mind controller in his work life vs that behavior being turned on him, in a way, in his private life. There are not many people that he cares enough about to actually see as people, but he's vulnerable to the ones that he does.

#ask #personal #Anonymous #666 live on air #hazbin hotel #my writing #this was a fun ask thank you!!

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galene-gothic · 9 months

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𝖡𝖺𝗋𝖻𝗂𝖾

୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅* ‧₊ I hope this reading found you in good health, every reblog is appreciated and thank you for everything :) ˖♡ ˎˊ˗ ꒰ 🐇 ꒱

˗ˏˋ༻ʚ♡︎ɞ༺ˎˊ˗ PAID SERVICES

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 1 ꒱

꒰ Connecting with your inner child ꒱

Mentally, you were not doing very well as a child. You were raised in a way where your family or caregivers made you feel like it was alright for you to be mistreated. Due to how you were treated at home, people treating you unfairly in other environments, such as, school, etc. felt very normal to you, ofcourse, it hurt you but you knew that your family would not have your back so you had to stay quiet about it. You chose to live in a lie, you were in denial of your parent or whoever raised you being a bad person. You idolised them throughout your childhood and let them get away with everything. They didn't even apologise when they hurt you, they didn't take accountability for their actions, they made you feel like everything was your fault. When you made a mistake, even if it was a tiny one, you were heavily criticised. For most of you, you were even called names, names that no one should call anyone and especially not their children. You were extremely critical of yourself, this is heartbreaking. You likely grew up in an environment where, people were hypocritical, for example, your parents are both alcoholics who curse a lot and are abusive (this is a similar situation to most of you) but they expected you to be nice, gentle and you were not allowed to make mistakes. I'm crying, I cannot deal with how heavy this energy is. Your childhood was so lonely but you chose to blind yourself to that by idealising it.

Your family members might have used you to lie to others, lied on your name, etc. and you were a child, twisted the story whenever you tried to stand up for yourself, etc. Some of you had a single parent, divorced parents or just problematic parents which caused you to be exposed to alcohol, sex, jails, etc. quite early on in life. Physically, you were a good kid. You wanted to get good grades, have a good reputation and you worked hard on it. However, it was not a natural wish, it was forced upon you so that you could gain your parents approval. You were not loved even when you achieved things but you kept on pushing. Your parents might have told you things like "you need to work hard so that you can clear ___ exams and then become a successful government servant/doctor,etc." and you heard it so much that you naturally thought that your parents would only love you after you achieved that milestone. You enjoyed it because that was the only way you could possibly have hope for the future. You were so young but you still tried to have routines, etc. Honestly, you were the parent here. You were working hard so that you can provide for them in the future and you were just 9 years of age at that time. You were considered to be a gifted kid or a trophy kid and you enjoyed that validation because you were denied of basic emotional nourishment, validation and affection that a kid should receive.

No one could've guessed that you were struggling because not even you were aware, you seemed to be doing really well physically, achieving your goals and looked happy while doing so but you felt empty on the inside. You were critical of yourself, including your appearance and picked out every flaw of your body. Emotionally, you had issues at school too. Even though, on the surface you seemed very confident, that confidence was solely reliant on the validation that you would receive for accomplishing something. Your parents seem to have been very serious about your future, they probably enrolled you into a good school where kids with rich parents also used to go and you felt really inferior to them. You became emotionally reactive and immature as the years progressed because you were just a kid who didn't have their needs met. No matter how hard you worked, you felt like you were an underachiever. This makes me sad, I'm getting the vision of a kindergarten student receiving silent treatment from all the other students around them and then going home, studying, probably taking care of a younger sibling and having the mother come home and beat the child over a small disagreement at dinner. You deserved better, you really did. You deserve all the love in the world. Please take good care of yourself. Physical or emotional abuse and neglect seem to be a theme here.

꒰ How did your inner child imagine your teenage and young adult self to be like ? ꒱

'You can be anything' is the slogan of Barbie and as a kid, there are so many possibilities, we're more imaginative than ever. We imagine what our teenage and early adult days will look like. We'll look at who they (your inner child) wanted to be, how they envisioned your teenage and young adult self and days to look like.

Your inner child expected you to have romantic experiences. They imagined that you'd have a crush on someone and receive proposals. They imagined you as someone who had beauty and style on their mind, almost 24/7. They imagined you wanting to buy make-up products, clothes, bags, etc. and actually receiving them. They imagined you as someone who could do something artistic like play instruments, dance or draw. They imagined you as someone who is caring and has a gentle attitude. They imagined love letters, friends and just a lot of emotional involvement. They imagined you being able to physically cry to a friend or a lover who will actually listen to you. They imagined you feeling content in life and gaining a lot of wisdom. They imagined you being able to let go of anything that has ever hurt you. They imagined you living a life full of hope. They imagined you feeling loved, happy, going to bed after having a good time with friends or partner and tired after such a fun day and wanting to wake up every morning. They imagined you having a lot of passionate experiences and knowing how to let go of anything that makes you feel stuck. They imagined you to look to your past and life lessons to help you gain clarity. They imagined you as someone extremely successful too. "I'll have my life figured out by the age of 18." They imagined you as being composed, forgiving and decisive. They imagined you kind of making a change or something. Maybe, just being a good influence and having a good character. They imagined you having a lot of experiences and learning from them. Knowing how to live life. They imagined you being able to release past guilt and grief, they imagined you having a healing group environment. They imagined a 'happy ever after'.

꒰ What kind of a Barbie have you become ? ꒱

The kind of Barbie that you've become is kind of reckless. You've become kind of impatient too. You've become very cautious of things and end up projecting a foolish or immature image in order to be underestimated so that people don't try to get between you and your goals. You are kind of a thrill chaser as a Barbie but it's because now, you understand that you are more than just the expectations placed upon you. You've become a Barbie who can sometimes be overly optimistic. Your Barbie's name would likely be something like 'create your own identity Barbie' or 'self love/respect Barbie'. However, you're also a Barbie who's accepting themself or has already accepted themself. I think you're going through some sort of a reality check just like Barbie did or you've already undergone it. You've become the cycle breaker Barbie of your family. You're an independent Barbie. You're a Barbie who's focused on shadow work and healing. You've grown to be extremely courageous and are little by little, letting go of the limiting beliefs placed upon you. You're a Barbie who breaks past the identity that others had made for you to fit into. You have a focused mind and have self respect. You are a self controlled individual and try to be as accountable as humanly possible. You're a truly lovely Barbie.

꒰ Messages from your inner Barbie ꒱

"Always take time to be grateful for yourself, your body, your heart, your life. Fill your cup first and this will extend outwards."

"Be so graceful and beautiful, inside out that everyone's eyes will be on you and they'll see you as an inspiration."

"Reconsider."

"Ask yourself if the highest version of you would do that."

"Participating will help you learn better."

"You deserve everything good and divine."

"Your actions and priorities should align with your needs and desires."

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 2 ꒱

꒰ Connecting with your inner child ꒱

I think for most of you, a male figure really affected your mindset as a child especially. You used to think about this man a lot, maybe it's your father or grandfather. They taught you a lot about power and social status. They might have told you things like "be friends with this kind of people, don't be friends with this kind of people." This man was definitely very ambitious though. However, your mental well-being as a child seems pretty good. Situations at home seemed to be under control, nothing for you to worry about. You really respected this man though. They made you feel safe and protected. They taught you a lot about discipline. Mentally, you were able to grow and flourish because of the environment. You were pretty logical, even as a child. You set out goals for yourself that you wanted to achieve, even if it was something as simple as "I want to be able to take a bath by myself." You learnt how to be firm and decisive. Either, you were a single child or just not willing to share your things, food, snacks, toys, etc. Did you come from a wealthy family? You might have been kind of a show off as a kid, no shame ofcourse, you were a literal child. You were physically and materially taken care of though. You knew how to flatter your parents in order to get what you want and often, you did not even have to flatter them, they just wanted to give everything you wanted. However, sometimes you had to do things by yourself or you actually wanted to? You wanted to be self reliant or were forced to be.

Your parents might have been really busy or even away from home, your needs were taken care of but there were times when you felt lonely. However, because of the support of your parents, you dealt with it pretty well. For the rest of you, you might have had major issues emotionally, I heard 'seperation anxiety'. Maybe, because you were a rich kid who used to show off your wealth, others used to leave you out or tell you hurtful things and you'd be really sad about it. Some of you likely struggled with insomnia quite early on in life. You might've witnessed a death or a loss of a loved one quite early on too, before that you might've been really happy but temporarily, you were really hurt and sad. Oh, also a financial downfall might've occured. There were also some family feuds, I think it could be over inheritance or money. You felt quite bored though, like you had money but it failed to entertain you. Maybe, whoever this male figure was, had to move away and you were left feeling really anxious. You could've been quite cold and for most of you nepotism or connections did help you. As, you were a child, your decisions were definitely influenced by others. You might've been mean to others too. Emotionally, you started being more comfortable as you continued growing. You felt quite excited about life and started being more optimistic. You were inspired by the people you watched to become successful and happy. You were excited about possibilities and were passionate about almost everything.

꒰ How did your inner child imagine your teenage and young adult self to be like ? ꒱

They imagined you starting over. They imagined you confessing all the bad things you've done and being able to move on. Did you watch a lot of shows like 'mean girls'? They imagined you being kind of two faced. They imagined you facing a lot of betrayals. They imagined you not being able to trust people easily and letting people into your life only if they deserve it. They imagined you watching what you'd say to others, it's because you've been taught to care about reputation. They imagined you hearing rumours and gossip about yourself and going "and I was like, why are you so obsessed with me?" They imagined you taking responsibility for your own actions and apologising to those who you've wronged. They imagined you having your life together, and being able to take care of yourself and responsibility over your finances. They imagined you treating everyone equally and with respect. They imagined you sharing your wealth with others (charity, etc.) They imagined you being grateful for what you have. They imagined you having others try to help you financially too. They imagined you as someone generous and compassionate. They imagined you being at peace with yourself and being able to reciprocate others' love and affection. They imagined you being really kind and taking care of others out of goodwill. They imagined your life being extremely dramatic. They imagined people being exposed and you having to remove them. They also imagined you making assertive decisions and being able to see things clear. They imagined you being open-minded and taking time out to sort out your feelings and confusion. They imagined you knowing and setting your boundaries. They imagined you being able to be really calm about decision making. They imagined you having a purpose, a direction in life and going after that. They imagined having to let go of a lot of emotional ties and you being calm despite all of it.

꒰ What kind of a Barbie have you become ? ꒱

Mentally, you have a lot of thoughts racing which cause you to lack balance. Your thoughts don't seem to be organised. You tend to be overwhelmed quite quickly and are prone to impulsive behaviour. Your time management skills seem to be lacking too. Maybe, you're burnt out and really need a time out. You seem to be quite abundant financially or will be. You're quite confident and boastful too. You know how to value yourself and take good care of yourself, physically. You are grateful for everything that you've achieved so far. You seem to be quite content and satisfied, especially financially or achievement wise. You seem to have success in all areas and might be quite popular among others. Your wishes seem to be fulfilled and even emotionally, you're quite happy. You are an entertaining person and have entertaining people around you. Whenever, you're feeling sad, you always find something or someone to be grateful for, to be happy about. Emotionally, you've grown to be accepting of loss and change. You might be adjusting to a different way of living life. You have a lot of hope for a fresh start and are healing as a person. You've let go of the past and don't let it affect your present, any longer. You're resilient, and know how to overcome your problems and rise to the top. You know how to learn from the past, even though you might've struggled with complete ruin at some point. I wonder what your Barbie would be named 'learnt her lessons Barbie' or something along those lines.

꒰ Messages from your inner Barbie ꒱

"Don't take action just for the sake of taking action."

"Maybe you expected a lot because you were willing to do that for them."

"The grass is greener where you water it."

"Be honest with yourself."

"Don't worry about things that will never happen."

"Happy heart, private life, peaceful life, abundant pockets."

"Dopamine detox is important for you, having a phone addiction will not help."

⸼ ۫ ︎︎⊹ ! 🪡︎ Pile 3 ꒱

꒰ Connecting with your inner child ꒱

Mentally, you were suffering. You might've been a child who worried a lot. You felt lost and might have even had anxiety that might've not been diagnosed. You felt like none of your wishes came true and used to have moments when you used to lose hope. "I used to pray everyday but my life just kept on getting worser." You were a child so ofcourse you didn't know yourself but the loss of purpose that you felt made you feel miserable. There were events and occurrences that led you to feel insecure about yourself. People used to have unrealistic expectations of you and when you failed to match up to them, you felt awful, they made you feel like it was your fault. You might've spent your childhood in a very monotonous manner, go to school, come home, study during holidays and go back to school again. At that time, the only thing that kept you going was the blind faith that things would eventually be alright. Some of you used to have suicidal thoughts, some of you used to wish that you never woke up. You are really courageous. You might've had to travel sometimes but it was still kind of monotonous

You were just going to the same place again and again, every vacation, just rotting in a house at that place. You were very restless physically, while some of you took up sports or something like that, some of you used to just walk around a lot, could not sit in one place for a long time. This is actually truly depressing, you used to wait for things that you never received, the help that you never received. Emotionally, you repressed a lot of trauma. You used to be really guarded as a child, so, I'm not getting what exactly happened. You used to be very forgiving though. Any expression of pain and anger caused you to undergo even more pain and sadness so you naturally started suppressing all of it. You kind of stayed stuck to those heartbreaks and suffering, you've just internalised and kind of saved all of it. It's like, you saved something to a private file but forgot the password and it turned out to have a deadly virus. You've always let go and forgiven but it took a toll on you mentally and emotionally especially since, it resurfaces as you continue growing. I think inner child healing is extremely essential for you.

꒰ How did your inner child imagine your teenage and young adult self to be like ? ꒱

BLAIR WALDORF !! They imagined you as being kind of selfish. "You need to be cold to be queen, forget boys, keep your eyes on the prize, Jenny Humphrey. You cannot make people love you but you can make them fear you." They imagined you partying and stuff. They imagined you as someone who respects themself. You might've sometimes fantasized about hitting people who tried to mess with you on the nose. They imagined you as someone quite courageous, someone who runs after their goals. They imagined you accomplishing things after things. They imagined you having a dramatic life though, heartbreaks, mental illnesses, etc. They imagined you undergoing life changing events and gaining morals. They imagined you as someone really loving and compassionate too, when needed. They imagined you having a lot of inner strength and being able to overcome self doubt. They imagined you as someone with a strong sense of responsibility. Even as a kid, you were aware of the demons inside, you imagined being able to tame them through your experiences in life. They imagined you always winning. They imagined you receiving romantic proposals. Being invited to lunch, parties, etc. They imagined you following your heart and being really chivalrous. They imagined you being quite sensitive emotionally and also graceful in everything you do. They imagined you being swept off your feet and having a lot of warmth in your life. They imagined you meeting people who you're attracted to, etc. They imagined you having an active imagination, and using your charms and emotions in order to attract partners. Maybe, your inner child is in love with the idea of love. They imagined surprising and exciting events occurring in your life. They imagined you exploring your passions. They imagined you having a good nature and falling in love with people with a good character.

꒰ What kind of a Barbie have you become ? ꒱

'Never gives up Barbie' that's what most of you have become. You guys have a poor work ethic and no motivation or discipline. You should try to set out goals for yourself. You also struggle with teamwork and might be going through a rough patch currently. I'm getting loneliness and misalignment here. You want to grow but do not have the commitment to. You have been left out quite a lot and might be used by others. I think that this is not your true essence, you're just going through a really rough patch and have been in this energy for so long that, you aren't sure about who you are. Some of you are very young so naturally have not started working on yourself, yet and most of you come from a place where most people never tap into their full potential. You come from a place where if you are trying to get better people get offended, like, "who do you think you are?" You kind of let others take advantage of you. Shining bright means receiving hate and hate scares you. If not, atleast, you tend to be overwhelmed by other people's opinions. You seem to have a history of having gotten ganged up against and it's so scary to you. People who see your potential and see you rising, try to intimidate you. I think you are working on building stronger boundaries though, at this point. You might've or still struggle with people pleasing tendencies, so, you tend to compromise a lot for people who do not deserve it. Most of you are burnt out too, maybe, you worked so hard in school or whatever for your entire life but now you just cannot find yourself being able to do anything anymore. This is changing though, you are changing emotionally and it will start to affect the way you act too. You're shedding your old skin right now, most of you are done with being in the sidelines, you wish to be a winner. One thing about you is that you never give up. You're constantly evolving yourself and pretty much being born again. You are going through a hard ending that is starting to feel easier now that you can see it as a new beginning. Take care, rooting for you !!

꒰ Messages from your inner Barbie ꒱

"Not sacrificing will sometimes be your biggest sacrifice."

"Be afraid not of going slow but of standing still."

"Negatives count."

"Slow progress is still progress."

"It's never too late to start."

"If grief is the price of love, tears should be your only proof."

"Maybe, you expected a lot from them because you were willing to do the same for them."

#intuitive readings #pac #pac reading #pick a picture #pick a gif #astrovations #pick a card #pick a deck #pick a photo #astrology #astro notes #astro observations

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sapph1cyearning · 3 months

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Wilhelm's Mental Health; Autism or Borderline Personality Disorder?

Wilhelm’s mental health status is a complex issue that has been heavily commentated on by the fandom, from what I've observed within the YR fandom, a large number of fans headcanon Wilhelm as having autism but I hope to explore autism and it's symptomology outside of the white male perspective that is defaulted upon in autistic representation by overviewing symptoms that contribute to the interpretations of Wilhelm having either Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) or Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). These two disorders can show up in similar forms, and often get misdiagnosed (especially women and non-white people are immediately pointed toward the BPD diagnosis rather than ASD due to assessor’s prejudice and society's higher expectations for minority groups to mask autistic traits while in public). A key difference between the two is that ASD is a genetic disorder while BPD is a disorder that develops due to childhood trauma. Both disorders have a high likelihood for comorbidity with other mental disorders such as depression, anxiety, and PTSD.

Content Warning: Frank commentary of symptoms associated with Borderline Personality Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder, including: self-harm, substance abuse, and emotional dysregulation.

Disclaimer: I am not a mental health professional but I am autistic, and I’ve known quite a number of people with either BPD or autism [In my teenage years, I stayed at a long-term DBT-based treatment center, a therapeutic specialty for created to address BPD that has been expanded to treat other mental health struggles and disorders that go hand-in-hand with BPD symptoms (Substance abuse, self-harm, OCD, etc.)]. This is also solely based on what is seen in the show, not actors' interpretations that are expressed through interviews.

Throughout the series Wilhelm (W) is seen engaging in a multitude of behaviors and experiences feelings that he expresses verbally that could be interpreted as fitting as symptoms of both.

Notably the scene where W is seen smacking his temple with his palm (1x05) can be interpreted as either: purposeful self-harm (a common self-destructive coping mechanism for overwhelming emotions in BPD; his alcohol and drug use could be described similarly) or a self-stimulatory behavior (stimming), a characteristic of ASD to aid in regulating or expressing intense emotions (while W is engaging in this with a “negative” emotion, stimming is used with all emotions), other example include his chest-rubbing, and frequent caressing of different textures.

Intense mood-swings, anger, and difficulties with emotion processing, this is quite evident in W's actions, emotional responses, and feelings he expresses verbally. Both disorders have been observed to have intense changes of emotions at a “drop of a hat.” ASD mood-swings are typically related to exposure to sensory input that is quite uncomfortable, overstimulation, and/or meltdowns (breakdowns due to a culmination of intense feelings, sensory input and/or overwhelming experiences). BPD mood-swings and impulsive actions are more related to triggers of trauma responses, and a lack of regulatory measures

Symptoms Specific to Each Disorder:

BPD:

Attachment to Favorite Person (FP), a symptom of BPD where one idolizes one person in their life to an extreme degree, wanting to spend all their time with their FP, and intense anger and despair with perceived betrayals/slights against them/mistakes. W goes through 2 FPs (Erik and Simon). He adores Erik, and feels betrayal when Erik leaves him at Hillerska. Simon quickly becomes a FP, seeing him as perfect and feeling betrayal when Simon messes up (drug dealing) and the utter despair and hopelessness when Simon needs space and starts dating Marcus; “It feels like I’m going to die” (2x04) (Could be a consequence of being utterly isolated due to being Royal and latching onto anyone who shows care to him)

Unstable / Ineffective Relationships (Simon, Kristina, Minou, and other hierarchy figures): BPD is often associated with people with the disorder lashing out against "completely innocent" people for "no reason", while this can be accurate, it does not account for the triggering of such episodes (See above)

Substance Abuse: People with BPD may utilize alcohol and/or other substances to "numb themselves" from BPD symptoms or distance themselves from harmful memories (autistic people also experience substance abuse and addiction at higher rates than the general allistic population but it is often seen as a crutch to cope with the constant stress of existing in an allistic world which is not implied in what pulls W to substance use throughout the show)

ASD:

Expansion on Sensory Issues: W seemingly wears the same sweater-button up combo often, just with different sweater colors — Grey, teal, and that god-awful bright orange — ensures safe textures when buying new items but he might just have a clothing stylist with horrid taste. W's struggles with the suffocating feel of the suit (2x05). He rarely utilized the overhead lights in his room, instead relied on his string lights, lamps or natural lighting (Florescent and LED lights can trigger light sensitivity and contribute to sensory processing difficulties in autistic people)

Preoccupation with the concept of normalcy (1x01), as a kid being autistic often ostracizes you from your peers, being deemed the “weird kid” is very damaging thus W may have been enticed by the prospect attending a regular high school to like "normal people" (this concept is intrinsically tied to social class throughout the show, W wants normalcy of a lower class while Sara wants conform to a higher class but that's a different spiel). This can lead to masking; the act of forcing oneself to hide their autistic traits in order to fit into Allistic norms. (My one dispute to this interpretation is he's seemingly more disgruntled by the pomp and circumstance of being Royal that "others" him rather than peers judging him)

Lack of social cues (Not even going to waste my time explaining this one, the man had no game, absolutely none, it’s a wonder that he pulled Simon)

This far from a full list of symptoms seen in W's characterization but it's a broad overview of the signs I saw from an autistic lens. I lean towards Wille having Borderline Personality Disorder based on the fact that significant aspects of Autism Spectrum Disorder can be correlated to his unfortunate circumstance of being royalty.

#young royals #young royals analysis #prince wilhelm #wilmon #Was this entire thing inspired by a Wille / BoJack Horseman edit I saw on tiktok? Yes yes it was

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clockeyedtoy · 19 days

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So disgusting how this fandom dogpiles on ppl like tomb n many others who have spoken out abt the bullying n ableism angelwowings/tulip and outkast has done against them, but ignores the real ableism happening. U guys were so quick to turn on tomb for lacking empathy, yet u support ppl who have openly n repeatedly emotionally abused ppl w mental health issues. How quickly u guys believed lies abt tomb how hes an abuser, nazi, ableist, etc while supporting the same people who MANY mentally ill ppl have spoke out against.

Tomb took responsibility for his actions. Tulip is doing nothing but lie n avoid accountability. U didnt let tomb breathe after 5 months of constantly stalking n harassing him w obsessive behaviour towards him, u insulted ppl dealing with paranoia, bpd, npd, u dehumanized and insulted those who lack empathy. Learn from n own up to ur mistakes. U dont get a free pass after all the harm u've caused.

We have literally been given proof from her old associate that tulip didnt gaf abt the real issues w/ tomb or actually wanting to see improvements, she was freakishly obsessed w deplatforming him n causing drama. Tomb has improved. N even if he hasnt, mentally ill ppl do NOT fucking owe u recovery or to be fucking consumable! U wouldn't shame a schizophrenic person for having delusions or a borderline for having mood swings? This is so disgusting to see ppl jump on the bandwagon n then turn a blind eye when multiple ppl have come out abt tulip and outkasts current n genuine ableism. It wasnt js a one-off or jokes in bad taste.

And for everyone who blindly believed cropped screenshots, twisted context, n straight up lies, shame on u. Go ahead pick ur sides but we can all see how u react in the face of the same mental health issues u guys love to romanticize in the creepypasta characters. Do better.

And before anyone says shit, yea we tried to "talk it out" but get over urself. U cant "talk out" rampant ableism w ppl who dont gaf abt u or ppl like u. Tomb is kindhearted forgiving and mature enough to talk it out but tulip only made her friend act like a messenger to avoid responsibility.

#srsly pissed #disappointed in this fandom sometimes oml #creepypasta #creepypasta fanart #creepypasta fandom #ticci toby #jeff the killer #creepypasta jtk #creepypasta clockwork #ticciwork #cluster b #aspd #npd #bpd

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ethereallyjade · 1 year

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Pick A Card: What Your Body Wants to Tell You

Choose a photo that calls to you and the cards will tell you a message that your body would like you to know right now. This is just for fun. Do not take anything seriously or above legal or medical advice. Masterlist

1 - 2

3 - 4

Images Not Mine

⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻⸻

Pile 1

Channeled Message: Stuffed, Clogged, Ridgid, Resisitant

Your body is encouraging you to branch out and try new things. I'm hearing try new foods. If you've been thinking about trying out new recipes, your body's giving you the green light to do so. If you've been thinking about adapting new habits and exercises, it's also a go. Even if it doesn't work out, you will learn to adapt and make adjustments along the way, but you need to try something other than what you've been doing. It's time to use your enegy more effectively, and if you don't have energy it's time to treat yourself/eat/move better so you can start making that energy. Having that said, don't get too caught up in trying to find a perfect routine. You may have a habit of trying to do too much research, and although that's still important (don't put your body through potential harm w/o research obviously) make sure you're doing as much as you're thinking. Just let loose, have fun with your health practices, be in the moment with your body and don't think too much, just do. You're in a period of change and old habits are needing to be left behind and walked away from. You're so close to becoming that person you want to be. The time is now.

Pile 2

Channeled Message: Clashing, Deep Breath, Judging, Slow, Waiting, Patience, Observe

Okay, like I figured from the channeled messages, your biggest issue rn may be your own mind. As in, judging yourself too harshly that is. You may be quickly losing your patience with waiting and waiting for results to show on something. You want to stay calm about it, but inside your timer is ticking away. You're being asked to sit and take a deep breath. Perhaps you don't fully believe in your results. You want it bad, you may even need it, but deep down maybe you don't really believe this will/can happen for you or that you deserve it. I'm seeing this type of mentality is what's truly stopping you from transforming and being offered amazing gifts in life. Give yourself a chance at happiness. On a lighter note, I believe you are starting to realize what's actually important to you. Maybe you placed too much importance on having the best/most expensive food, equipment, medicine, clothes, etc. for your body and you're coming to the conclusion that it's the little things or the things on the inside that matter most, or for some of you the things you put inside your body. Things will start looking up for you, but you have to believe it.

Pile 3

Channeled Message: "Work with me". not listening, "there you go, you're getting there", distracted

You are in the midst of discovering something about yourself, but I'm seeing mood swings, tough love, and running away from the real issue. You're body may be changing in ways you didn't expect and you don't know how to deal with it. Maybe you want your body to go back to how it was, but the cards are saying to be present with your body and focus on changing your mentality to adapt to the now. Don't repress these feelings in you, but also be okay with keeping the past in the past. You are a new you and time needs to be set aside to explore this new you and to find happiness in it. Even if you don't look, act, feel, etc. how you used to, there's still so much you can do, if not new things you'll find you can do. TW: I'm really getting that for some of you this could be a weight related issue, but regardless of what it is, don't give up on yourself. You're still beautiful and worth it no matter what.

Pile 4

Channeled Messages: Mistakes, My fault, "it's just who I am", exhausted, "I can't do this right."

Both cards I pulled are Aces, which is giving me the impression that you've discovered something about yourself recently and are currently trying to become a new you. I'm not picking up anything inherently bad though. Honestly, I think you found a new talent or something good that can really change your life, but you're scared. Scared of what it means going forward. This discovery has brought out insecurities in you because you don't know if you can do it. You may be reluctant to tell others about this new thing and you're finding ways to implement it into your life in a quiet but successful way. I'm seeing that whatever this is for you could also lead to some financial gain. Your body's asking you if this is what you truly want? And since it already knows the answer is yes, it's saying to set goals and just go for it! It's time to be clear about your wants and needs and not be shy about knowing yourself. Slight TW, but obviously if the reason you're hiding this is because it could potentially put you in danger then obviously do what you need to do to keep it hidden as long as you can, but the cards are saying not to let great opportunities pass you by out of fear.

#tarot #tarot cards #tarot reading #body #pac reading #pac #food #health #pick a pile #pick a card reading #pick a picture #pick a card #spirituality #intuitive readings #intuition #message

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lackablazeical · 4 months

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💚🐉Ishida Miyamoto🐉💚

Specific trigger warnings -

Masochistic behavior, self hate, body hate, chronic/degenerative illness, medical malpractice, medical tools (i.e syringes, blades, etc), experimentation, objectification, anger issues, emotional dependence

Specific boundaries w/ this character -

Ishida is a disabled character. Please treat him thus. Do not say he does not 'look disabled', etc etc.

General info -

Ishida's birthday is April 18th. He is an Aries ♈️

Receives love through Words of Affirmation, gives love through Acts of Service and Quality time.

Ishida is bisexual with a preference towards women.

Ishida has BPD (Bipolar Disorder).

Ishida has ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder).

Ishida has MD (Muscle Dysmorphia).

Personality traits -

Ishida is impulsive, determined, friendly, adventurous, clingy, trusting, gullible, and open-hearted.

Ishida tends to do things on a whim, for the excitement or rush of it all. He then has to deal with the consequences of it, which he greatly dislikes.

Ishida never gives up once he sets his mind to something, no matter if he hates it or not.

Ishida loves meeting new people and making friends, and can talk to anyone, anywhere.

Ishida is clingy, especially to Donnie. He loves having the attention, and often feels extremely down when Donnie ignores him or doesn't want him around. Same with Usagi, as well.

Ishida is a bit too trusting, and will often believe things Donnie tells him immediately. He also trusts the people around him not to lie, and takes what they say at face value.

Ishida is very open with his love and affection, and voices his care and support of his loved ones often.

Important details -

His Health -

Ishida has conditions including hemophilia, asthma, POTS, low blood sugar, chronic fatigue syndrome, anemia, and poor circulation.

Ishida has a detached 'Ki', or soul. His soul is not bound to his body properly. This makes it so he is mostly unaffected by mystic spells, but is also connected to why he is so ill and disconnected from his body. Mystic magic does not work to improve his health because it tries to heal him through his Ki, which doesn't work. Donnie's medical practices only focus on his body, which make them more effective.

Donnie uses extreme medical practice to help Ishida, making Ishida much more energetic, strong, confident, and healthy. If Ishida didn't have his meds, he'd have about a month before he'd be right back where he started.

His beliefs -

Ishida's element is fire.

Ishida feels a strong connection to fire, ash, marble, and dragons.

Ishida will burn things like paper, old clothes, or bites of his food and pray over the ash. He doesn't burn meat or pictures with peoples faces, as he finds it disrespectful.

Ishida will pray/pay respects to buildings or structures made of marble, he will do the same if he's eating/drinking from a marble bowl.

Ishida will doodle dragons often, and finds great value in art of them. He gets very starstruck around yokai that look like dragons too.

His beliefs about Usagi's death -

He believed Usagi was dead, and felt heavy guilt over it. He wished he had been healthier/stronger, to be able to protect his brothers.

Ishida was often helping comfort Kenichi, and he tended to 'feed into' Kenichi's idea that Usagi was still alive.

His dynamic with Donnie -

Ishida considers Donnie his best (non-blood related) friend.

He trusts Donnie with his life, and listens to whatever Donnie says. Donnie has a say in everything Ishida does, including what he eats and how he spends his time.

Ishida may occasionally call Donnie out for his bad behavior though, telling him if he's being an asshole or going too far. Donnie doesn't really care what Ishida has to say.

Ishida allows Donnie to run experiments on him, to test his pain tolerance and allow Donnie to gather data.

Ishida enjoys snuggling with Donnie, because of the vibrations from when Donnie churrs.

Ishida loves to spend time in Donnie's lab, and often goes in there to draw, work out, or just generally hang.

Ishida holds Donnie to a very high pedestal because of how Donnie had helped him, so may also brush off Donnie's outbursts/general rudeness because of this.

Ishida learned some sign language to be able to communicate with Donnie when he is overstimulated.

Fun facts -

Ishida's favorite food is bananas, and his favorite drink is coke.

Ishida's favorite animal is a dragon. He likes to doodle them occasionally.

Ishida heavily dislikes plans changing.

Ishida has very few sensory issues, but notably he hates 'light' sensations (elbows brushing, gentle breezes, etc.)

Ishida has a talent for pickpocketing/ sleight of hand. He is also good at magic, like card tricks.

Ishida isn't a morning person, but still always wakes up early.

Voice claim [Ross Lynch] -

Tags that include Ishida -

#addams! Ishida, #addams! Donnida, #addams! Miyamotos

#addams! tmnt au #addams! ishida #addams! donnida #addams! miyamotos

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eisforeidolon · 9 months

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One incident I can think of that would be considered "toxic" by todays standards was way back when Jared was having some personal issues, Kripke told him "man up" basically. Mark has spoken about his issues w/ some writing in S12. But he's also said that when he asked for a rewrite some of dialogue in the finale, Dabb obliged. Despite the acrimony in the wake of his leaving, per Mark all that is under the bridge now. He had his issues, & like an adult he got over them. Fans could take a cue.

Yeah, I think fans have a problem with distinguishing between "toxic" and "not perfect". Any workplace is going to have some conflicts and issues where things ultimately could have been handled better. There's a big difference between conflict and mistakes happening and a general, ongoing, pervasive atmosphere of toxicity. Where those in charge just don't give a fuck or are actively malicious and the rest of the people follow suit or raise no objections.

In Jared's case, I think it does not help that even now - let alone then - mental illness issues tend to be poorly understood and not given their due consideration. Kripke saying that was inarguably insensitive and very clueless, but in an unfortunately very typical way. As a mindset, it surely is toxic. But in terms of characterizing the entire set as being toxic because of it? Unless my memory fails me, Jared didn't say that Kripke badgered him repeatedly over it, mocked him for not being able to just do it, talked him down in front of the cast & crew, tried to fire him, etc. He also says in a Variety interview that when he broke down on set Jensen and another person came to check on him, then called in a doctor who diagnosed him with depression and put a temporary halt on production for him to start dealing with things [X]. That's part of the set atmosphere, too. And ultimately? Jared was able to get the help he needed to find ways to manage his mental health and continue on with the show for another decade+ without it having any consequences in terms of his position on the cast or his character's on the show, which I feel is not something that would have happened in an environment that was fundamentally toxic rather than one which bumbled a bit through a particular challenge. Like, compare it to what happened to Nicole Beharie on Sleepy Hollow who had a different type of illness. Sure in an ideal world SPN could have done better, but considering the stigmatized issue at heart and Hollywood in general, they also could have done so so much worse.

I think the Mark S. thing is even more clear - he had a lot of issues with the writing for his character and some with the showrunners more generally (in terms of contracts and payment), but that did not carry over to the day-to-day environment on the set itself and the people he was working with there.

So yeah, they weren't skipping through fields with linked hands and hugging puppies every single day. There were some conflicts and outright fuckups. But calling a set a toxic environment is a whole different, much higher bar IMO.

#askboxery #anonymous

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idontevenlikehim · 2 months

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Continuing with humanstuck i just know Eridan falls first but Sollux falls harder. I think of eridan as a person who doesn’t have that much trouble showing how he feels and expressing love, and by that i mean he’s not emotionally unavailable. unlike sollux. that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have tons of issues tho

Sollux has more romantic experience and has been in relationships (i just think that eridan is very conventionally attractive but he ruins it with his terrible personality which is why he has next to zero romantic experience) but when they get involved w/ each other Sollux has definitely not experienced anything like being loved by Eridan. He has been loved, yes of course, but not like Eridan loves him. They are both changed in different ways by loving each other and being loved by the other

Also, Sollux's life strikes me as more boring or rather monotonous while Eridan’s is more dynamic, which is why I think he has more time to marinate in his own feelings and stuff. Sollux has an older brother (mituna ofc) who has his own life, he doesn’t go out that much, he doesn’t… i dunno, really occupy his mind in health ways

neither does Eridan BUT ok he does have many hobbies, he’s the type of person who tries everything once and i mean everything: reading, poetry, photography, acting, pottery, swimming, etc. he contains multitudes. and although they deal with their issues in similar fashion Eridan’s way definitely works better.

+ to me he also has two older sisters (Vriska & Aranea) who are always nagging him or making him tag along with them, mainly Aranea who is like a mom to vriska and eridan. this is key to me because even if both eridan and sollux have a strained relationship with their parents, Eridan has his sisters (and Fef who’s his best friend and is fed up with him soo bad)

He’s also filthy rich so he can do whatever he wants to entertain himself lol

#izzzas tag #mine #hcs #text #my humanstuck #humanstuck #erisol

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khamomile-kitty · 8 months

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Long ass rant abt tumblr under the cut lmao I’m feeling pissy and I need to get this out

Deadass thinking abt just. Filing away or screenshotting anything important in my blog (likes, reblogs, etc) and then just. Deleting and never coming back lmao. Staff are clearly so far up their own ass they make a donut and I think the only way to get their head back out is to blow their brains out tbh. I mean they are racists, terfs/transphobes, amd neo nazis (or at the very least do nothing to stop them, and well. You know what they say abt sitting at a table w a hate group.)

Amd then there’s the issue that even if they were none of that, they run the site like children. Constant tantrums when they don’t get 100% overwhelmingly positive feedback, outright ignoring or hiding critique of any kind, and make constant little “non-updates” to give the impression of progress when all they’re doing is the equivalent of a kid pretending to clean up their room by picking and putting down a toy and squeaking floorboards when they think mom’s listening.

Like idk who told these guys that trying to make a “cool guy” persona and attempting to facilitate a parasocial relationship w their userbase meant that they were gonna unconditionally get the entire site to turn into yes men to slobber all over every stolen merch drop isn’t gonna work the way they want it to. They SUPPOSEDLY run a professional social media company, there’s gonna be ppl not satisfied with crumbs. And there’s gonna be ppl who are rude abt it or aren’t happy no matter what! It’s a fucking huge website that’s just gonna happen! Taking those criticisms personally and shutting down is a sure sign that they cannot run a large platform effectively At All. Part of being able to run a social media website is being able to accurately sort through feedback to find major issues, and prioritize fixing them from order of importance and feasibility. For example. Getting a bunch of complaints that you have, idk, a huge and thriving nazi community on the site that openly targets ppl? Set that on number 1 priority and get to work updating site policy and community guidelines to clearly reflect that they are not welcome here, and set a team of moderators (who should have already been alerted to the issue) to crack down on deleting and banning blogs that align or display with that shit. (There is the company issue of making sure that the moderation team has sufficient support for all the horrible shit they’ll have to sift through, compensating w company paid for mental health services available during all work hours. But tbh, every single social media site needs to do this. Moderation is exhausting and can be traumatizing. Make sure to make those conditions clear, and to hire enough moderators that no team has to work on sorting through heinous, traumatizing shit for more than they should.) Get a a bunch of complaints that the search bar is a few inches lower than it was last update and it’s throwing them off? Set that priority lower, but communicate clearly in update logs that it is low on priority lists for now, and not to expect an immediate change. I could give at least 100 more “hypothetical” issues and how to at least give the bare minimum at dealing with them. Getting complaints that the new ads are seizure hazards? Prioritize high. Getting complaints that ppl would like the ability to have animated blog backgrounds? Prioritize lower. Experimental or new features can begin to be implemented when there isn’t a leaning tower of stinking shit threatening to rot the website from the ground out. Hire enough ppl to be able separate significant work into teams; new features and bug fixes team, moderation team, networking team, etc. I’m sure if they read this they’d have a thousand excuses for why they don’t do this, but I highly, highly doubt any of them actually hold up. The fact is that it’s common sense, and Tumblr seems to exclusively hire ppl who don’t have that. And sadly, there’s no fucking fix for stupid. And I’d rather not be caught off guard when this place inevitably goes up in flames and eats it’s own code like an ouroboros snake.

#kitty talks #should probably start soon so that I’m ready in case they see this. bc I am 99% sure they’ll just try to nuke me

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moodr1ng · 1 year

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not to start shit lol but some of you saw people with schizo-spectrum disorders, did, personality disorders, and other very stigmatized/misunderstood/underresearched and undertreated mental illnesses say that the mental health care system and the professionals therein often are only equipped to handle disorders that are more widespread, more recognized, less stigmatized (which doesnt mean NOT stigmatized), such as depression and anxiety (which are the common examples because... theyre very widespread disorders known to affect much more of the general population), and took that as an attack on you personally and as them saying that you dont struggle and youre not really mentally ill and youve never faced ableism and depression and anxiety arent a big deal etc, which is just not what (at least the vast majority of) people were saying at all.

and like. it is simply true that most mental health professionals are taught about treating depression and anxiety as a baseline of mental health care education (which does not mean theyre all good at it or that medical abuse or neglect does not happen) while they are often not taught about more stigmatized disorders considered rarer properly unless they specialized in those fields, often hold prejudices against those disorders which come from that lack of education as well as the general social stigma against them, dont know how to recognize or treat those disorders, or in some cases straight up do not believe that those disorders exist despite being medically recognized and therefore misdiagnose patients and treat them for the wrong illness or treat them as fakers.

and people with those disorders pointing out the inequality in treatment is not an attack on people who "only" suffer from depression or anxiety, and frankly it feels very disingenuous to claim it is, because, like... these very stigmatized and severe mental illnesses are very, very comorbid with depression and anxiety (just one example, personality disorders are evaluated to be comorbid w depression at a rate of 50 to 90%). a lot if not most of the people who are talking about this will also suffer from depression and/or anxiety. they very likely KNOW what it feels like to deal with those and how professionals react to those disorders. their opinions may often be informed by seeing themselves the difference in how theyre treated when professionals are addressing their depression or anxiety vs when theyre addressing stigmatized symptoms. so like. im sure people have been callous in how they talk about this or been dismissive, and that is shitty, but maybe priorities could lie in the systemic issue of mistreatment and neglect of people with particularly stigmatized illnesses and not on how evil they are bc some of them are flippant about addressing their frustration and pain and may say stuff thats hurtful. whatever though

#97 #long post #i say 'some of you' but idk that any of my current followers say this or believe this to be clear LOL #i mean i am aware of those takes from having seen them on my dash but i dont necessarily follow the same people etc anymore #this is phrased as addressing people as if theyre reading this even tho its not rebloggable but im mostly just venting #so. not directed at anyone

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b1each3da110ver · 2 years

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introduction 🌟

hi everyone <3 i’m sabrina

she/her/any

i’ve been on and off dealing w disordered eating and my weight has fluctuated anywhere between ~190ibs (~86kg) to ~130ibs (~59kg) and it’s always been especially hard to maintain weight loss bc of personal health issues 🌷

now, i’ve decided it’s time to practice self control and restart my journey to back to 130ibs (+ less!!) i’ve never been apart of an @na community but i thought it would be nice to have people to support me and help me keep going <3

my scale is currently fucked up so take the stats w a grain of salt hahaha

SW: ~170ibs (~77kg)

CW: ~170ibs (~77kg)

GW1: 150ibs (~68kg)

UGW: 110ibs (~49kg)

i’m always open to dm, get advice, find friends + mutuals, etc. 🌷

happy diet coke drinking!

#@na coach #@na buddy #eat1ng d1sorder #i will be skiny #pro @na #ana tiips #pr0ana diet #only pr0 for myself #pr0 ana diary #pr0 3d #pr04ana #shtumblr #eating problems #tw ana thoughts #tw ed diet #tw drugs #ed diet #skinnyyy

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sizzlingpatrolfox · 2 years

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I can't believe that jimin put his forehead against jungkook's and jungkook didn't flinch or move away.....this is huge like? If this happened even like 3 months or so ago jk would for sure move away but this development is recent. I wonder what happened. But also feels like their interactions has become like everyone else too? I mean jk reciprocating and even initiating things also doesn't feel right ahhhh I don't know how to explain sorry english is not my first language.

I'm trying to clean my drafts and this ask has been saved for the longest time, but for some reason I can never bring myself to put it together nicely and eloquently, so I've decided to just post it as it is.

~~~~~

A big deal but doesn't feel meaningful at all for some reason if it happened other years but jk has been doing the same every concert not only during the concert but also hoseok Instagram

everything always seem to come at a slower pace w Jimin

Didn't think that jk would become so interactive with everyone

At times he even seems to have more fun with other members than with jm

This was the kind of progression to their interactions i was expecting in 2020 but they weren't quite there

Never associated the progression to Jimin or his relationship with Jimin or Jimin's health issue it's just a Jungkook Thing, this jk was already there in November 2021 and even before now it's more obvious looks like he's happier than ever

"insecure jikookers" people ask why not vmin, and I've said before it's bevause they're not as constant look for these past 4 concerts and there's taekook in maybe every song while vmin crickets

I was sure that he looked at Jimin a certain special way, and for a while that was true then noticed that he had started looking at everyone the same. Didn't invalidate the moments that had happened it just meant more about jk's personality and growth. Getting closer to jm he softened a lot plus other external factors i think people in general overlook the influence that jm had on everyone in BTS giving presents his gender expression

If i were to try and explain it in a way it's like jk in 2019 jikook but now with everyone else too very similar feeling of softness and attention and care for all the other members too

I think there's a possibility they're together but because I've been watching them for years, i was thinking the other day and if i were to become an army now I just am not sure that i would think they're anything special to each other some sus moments sure, but everyone has of those

Not much content maybe the only content we get to watch is aimed especifically to get fans reactions bc of members interactions like recent concerts before there was more live content so their interactions were logically more spread out right now it's all old recorded content so all the interactions get accumulated

Whenever something is released or showcased feels like a lot but it's only a couple of minutes of these men entire lives makes me think twice a lot of things there's a lot we just don't know and never will

Lack of regular live content missed opportunity to follow on members changes and dynamics etc not only jikook but everyone else

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mainthinglayouts · 2 years

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please read (tw for mentions of health issues, mental health issues & addiction/alcoholism)

hi it's nikki here. i am coming back to this blog and gonna start really trying at it! i also will be attaching links to my paypal and cashapp below bc i want to consider expanding this blog to accept tips, commission, or whatever i can. money is tight and i'm a closeted irl (mostly) bisexual 20 something girl living w my parents still n only me and my stepdad have jobs but my stepdad has been out of work recently due to health issues so i'm the only one bringing in money rn and i work a minimum wage retail job and i'm barely getting by rn. i give at least half my paycheck to my parents to help them out and help w bills but i barely make enough money to get thru to the next week. both my parents have health problems and i have my own mental health issues and am currently not in therapy (though i realize i should be but i can't afford it) so i'm just trying to make it from one day to the next. i recognize the privliege i do have compared to others and know it could be worse tho. if anyone wants to send anything i would appreciate it but even if u don't i appreciate every person who views any of my blogs, this one included, every like, every reblog etc. i hope at least one person finds some enjoyment in this blog anyway. below are my paypal and cashapp links. no pressure at all tho. i just want to consider my options for more income bc my living situation and work situation rn are very stressful and i knew some positive outlets. i am trying to deal w work and my mental health, as well as trying my best to recover from a bout with alcoholism. i'm doing this entirely on my own however, my parents are not aware of my addiction and i am trying my best to keep it that way. this blog is a good outlet for me and i want to make a return to posting. here are the links for my paypal and cashapp. i look forward to returning to this blog and putting more effort into it. thank you if you read all of this - nicole ❤

#text post #mine #important #signal boost

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vizthedatum · 5 days

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just another vent about my ex-spouse because I'm processing my triggers from Monday

So Monday was a very bad day for me, and I think I figured out why (IN ADDITION TO THE STUPID PMDD).

My landlord at my current place (literally the best apartment I've ever rented so far, and it's affordable) does annual pest maintenance. Like he hires an external company to come and check with us about any concerns we're having, and they do the necessary work.

I did deal with some mice earlier this year (I think I caught and killed them all, and the maintenance man helped me seal any points of entry with steel wool).

I do try to keep my current place clean - even if it gets cluttered and unvacuumed. (I am working on that clutter right now).

It is EXTREMELY better than how I was living with my ex-spouse.

The appointment with the pest maintenance person went so well! We didn't really see any major issues, I asked about how I've been growing my plants and if that could be introducing pests, and he laid out some preemptive traps.

I don't have pests or mice or anything.

My place is clean and not dirty.

I was triggered though. And I went into a spiral about how I was going to be alone, financially broke forever, etc. (I mean, these are still my fears...)

As I've mentioned earlier in the blog, my ex-spouse purposely kept me in a long-term living situation that had a severe mouse infestation (they were everywhere, and I was desperately cleaning all the time when I had the energy, and I was in complete and fucking dysregulation). AND I SHOULD HAVE FUCKING KICKED THEM OUT, CALLED AN EXTERMINATOR LIKE I WANTED TO, AND DEALT WITH IT.

I am one of the more peaceful people with animals you may ever meet, but I WILL STILL FUCKING KILL WILD MICE IN MY HOME. Judge me all you want.

Asshole didn't even understand how much fucking health risk they were putting us in while talking about how covid was going to kill us (again, note: said asshole did not have any healthcare experience or know-how - nor did they really listen to me.).

We had hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of traps, did you know?

The ones that I got (that I had to get approved by them - to be safe and non-lethal... even though I ended up getting lethal ones later), I really did try to deploy them and use. We caught and released a few, but it was overall a worthless effort.

It's just all triggering to me, even though I'm so safe right now.

My apartment (even if it's messy right now) is SO MUCH CLEANER AND WELL-ORGANIZED than how I was living with them.

I am literally suffering from flares and fatigue right now, and I can still manage it all so much better. I am more functional than I was two years ago.

I remember one time, I went out TO FUCKING RECHARGE MY SPOONS BY HAVING NECESSARY SOCIAL INTERACTION (THAT I ALSO CLEARED WITH THEM BECAUSE THEY HAD SUCH BAD CONTROL ISSUES) BECAUSE THAT IS ESSENTIAL TO MY FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH, and I came back, and they were crying on top of a pile of cardboard boxes saying that I was just going out and not helping take care of the household.

HOW COULD I TAKE CARE OF THE HOUSEHOLD WHEN YOU ANTAGONIZED EVERYTHING I DID ALL THE FUCKING TIME?

I BEGGED YOU AND SHOWED YOU THE THINGS I COULD NOT DO.

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH IT AFFECTED ME THAT I COULDN'T SAFELY COOK IN OUR OWN FUCKING KITCHEN?!

DID YOU LIKE SEEING ME IN PERPETUAL FUNCTIONAL FREEZE GETTING SICKER AND SICKER?

LOOK AT OLD PICTURES OF ME THROUGHOUT THE RELATIONSHIP AND KNOW THAT YOU DID THAT. YOU TOOK AWAY MY YOUTH, MY BEAUTY, MY HEALTH, AND MY SANITY.

YOU REDUCED ME TO FUCKING PROP WHO YOU THOUGHT WAS SILLY.

TELL EVERYONE I WAS A BAD PARTNER - TELL EVERYONE I WAS THE ABUSIVE AND UNHINGED ONE - IT'S EASY TO DO, ISN'T IT? It's sooooo easy to call me crazy, huh?

I'd rather be crazy and unhinged than ever be with someone remotely like you ever again. Because my level of "crazy and unhinged" is living a peaceful, pest-free life where I (and my friends and loved ones) can do something meaningful with our lives. I might be messy. I might have really bad executive functioning skills. I have legitimate life challenges. I might need help from my friends from time to time and be demanding in my relationships. I might be super verbose and dramatic/quirky/whatever... but I don't think I'm crazy.

#vent post #vent #cw vent #trauma #mice #pests #healing #neurodivergence #heartbreak #harm #pest services #i know this is a repetitive vent but it had a huge impact on me

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mentalhealthmantra · 5 months

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Mind Matters: 5 Daily Habits to Boost Your Mental Health

Mental health is an important part of overall well-being, but it can be difficult to maintain. Fortunately, there are some simple daily habits that you can practice to help boost your mental health and keep yourself feeling good. Here are five daily habits that will make a positive difference in your life:

Exercise – Regular physical activity helps reduce stress and anxiety while increasing energy levels and improving moods. Try going for a walk or jog each day or doing yoga at home if the weather isn’t cooperating outside.