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diaryengene · 2 months

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୨୧ Your makeup did not turn out as expected. ୨୧

Enhypen maknae line reaction.

Enhypen x reader.

𝜗𝜚．．．pairing: Jungwon!bf ; Ni-ki!bf ; Sunoo!bf x reader!gf 𝜗𝜚．．． contains: kissing, Princess treatment, attention.

=͟͟͞⋆ ࣪.⠀Yang Jungwon ( 양정원 ) ᵎᵎ ⠀

You had spent most of the afternoon watching tutorials on TikTok about how to put on makeup. A particular makeup caught your attention so you set out to do it!

“douyin makeup” - you told your boyfriend jungwon, who had barely understood what you told him. He only saw how you passed several makeup brushes over your eyes, how every time you finished something you quickly took your phone and watched the video repetitively and copied exactly everything that was shown in that video tutorial. He looked like a confused kitten looking at his owner.

Once the makeup was finished, you quickly grabbed a mirror to see the result, which you didn't like at all. Your face was very red due to excess blush, the eyeliner on your eyes looked crooked and you didn't like how your poorly painted lips looked. you tossed the mirror to the side and made a disgusted face at your makeup.

"Are you done, love?" — Jungwon spoke, appearing in the room. — "Don't look at me, I look horrible!" you said covering your face.

"what?" he asked.

He quickly walked over to you and gently removed your hands from your face so he could see you better. — "What are you saying? You look beautiful" — he smiled and approached you to see your face better.

"You lie" - you reproached, looking to the side angrily. He shook his head and smiled. —"You look beautiful, even if you think your makeup didn't turn out well, even if you take it off, you will still look beautiful to me."—he clarified and then kissed you on the tip of your nose in a tender way.

=͟͟͞⋆ ࣪. Nishimura Riki ( 西村リキ ) ᵎᵎ ⠀

You invited your boyfriend to go to the movies which he accepted. it had been a while since you had last gone out on a date somewhere since he was mostly at work, so you decided to dress up a little more than you usually do.

You had chosen a nice outfit that you planned to complement with your makeup, which, however, didn't turn out the way you wanted it to. you were frustrated and about to cry because you knew that at any moment Ni-ki would arrive to pick you up and go to the movies.

it didn't take long for the tears to appear. You had spent half an hour trying to redo your makeup but it only seemed to get worse making you even more depressed.

"y/n?"- oh, no. ni-ki was already here.- why aren't you ready? what are you doing on the floor? - Ni-ki started asking you questions that only made you cry even more. She put her jacket aside and walked over to you, getting down to your level and started wiping your tears with her hands.

"Honey, what's wrong, why are you crying?"-he asked in a concerned tone.

"m-my makeup"- you managed to say while crying into your boyfriend's hands.

"What's wrong with your makeup? You look so pretty."

"Liar! I look awful." - You reproached angrily. Ni-ki laughed a little at your state but immediately removed his smile when he saw your angry expression.- You look beautiful, love. i mean it. my girlfriend is too perfect even if her makeup looks horrible!- he spoke proudly while nodding his head. his way of talking made it seem like he was joking. but he wasn't joking, he just wanted to make you smile, which you understood.

"You're a fool"- you looked at him angrily and then smiled a little and hugged your boyfriend.

That night you both opted to stay at home and watch a movie from the couch.

=͟͟͞⋆ ࣪. kim seonwoo ( 김선우 ) ᵎᵎ ⠀

After a long day of looking at beautiful girls with their perfect makeup and perfect outfits on Pinterest and wondering why you couldn't look like that, you decided to try to look like those gorgeous girls on the internet.

Your self-esteem lately wasn't the best. You knew your boyfriend would always be there for you and love you just the way you are, but still, the thought of not being pretty enough to be with him was on your mind.

You knew Sunoo would be here in a few minutes, so you wanted to look beautiful for him. you grabbed what little makeup you had and started applying it!

as you did so, a thousand scenarios formed in your head where your boyfriend saw how beautiful you looked and complimented you on your extraordinary makeup. you felt like you could finally look pretty enough for him and that made you excited.

Although... you didn't look it. You didn't manage to look pretty, you couldn't even get your makeup right.

You ran to the bathroom and washed your face, rubbing it several times with your hands as your tears fell and you saw your reflection in the mirror. With your eyes red from crying, your lipstick and mascara smudged and your clothes wet, you certainly felt terrible.

"Princess I'm here" - shit.... Sunoo arrived. Seeing you like this in the bathroom, he ran to you and turned you around to look you in the face - "What happened honey, are you ok, did something happen to you?" he asked totally worried and agitated. - he asked totally worried and agitated.

"I'm so ugly," you said in a whisper, dropping your forehead on Sunoo's chest, who immediately wrapped his arms around you and started stroking your hair.

"My God, what are you talking about, who said you're horrible, huh, whoever told you that will deal with me!". - He said as he cradled your face in his hands.

"I..." - You whispered as your tears fell down your cheeks.

Sunoo swallowed saliva and shook his head at what you said.

"You're not horrible, don't say that. Otherwise, you would be insulting what I love most in my life and that hurts me. do you understand?". - he gently squeezed your cheeks. "now repeat after me: I'm beautiful and my boyfriend loves me very much" - she smiled and you just stared at her without saying anything. - "what are you waiting for?"

...

Sunoo literally spent the whole day hugging, kissing and caressing you. She didn't go more than five minutes without telling you how beautiful you looked and how much she loved you. Plus, he treated you to mint chocolate chip ice cream!

Sorry if there are spelling problems!!! you can place orders if you wish! ८ ◞ ◟ ⑅ ა

#enhypen #enha smut #enhypen x reader #kim sunoo scenarios #kpop #jungwon #ni ki fluff #enhypen imagines #delulu #enhypen hard hours #enhypen scenarios #enha fics

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sk3tch404 · 1 year

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ℍ𝕚, 𝕀 𝕟𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕚𝕕 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕤 𝕓𝕖𝕗𝕠𝕣𝕖, 𝕤𝕠 𝕀'𝕞 𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕕𝕒 𝕟𝕖𝕣𝕧𝕠𝕦𝕤, 𝕙𝕒𝕙𝕒. ℂ𝕒𝕟 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕕𝕠 𝕒 𝕄𝕠𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕟 ℂ𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕣 𝕩 𝕐𝕒𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣𝕖 𝕎𝕦 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘? ℂ𝕒𝕦𝕤𝕖 𝕀'𝕞 𝕒𝕝𝕤𝕠 ℂ𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕖𝕤𝕖 𝕒𝕟𝕕 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕒 𝕤𝕖𝕖 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟. 𝔻𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕔𝕒𝕣𝕖 𝕚𝕗 𝕚𝕥'𝕤 𝕒 𝕕𝕠𝕠𝕕𝕝𝕖 𝕠𝕣 𝕒 𝕙𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟, 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕔𝕒𝕟 𝕕𝕠 𝕚𝕥 𝕙𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣 𝕪𝕠𝕦 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 :𝔻 𝕋𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝕪𝕠𝕦!!!

Yandere Wu Chang with a Chinese reader who is from modern day

Reaction and a little bit of headcanons!

Also tysm for sending an ask in! If my reqs are ever open, feel free to just go for it ^^ Ik how scary it is to send one in. Especially if the creator has other asks they've been working on, and the paranoia of breaking rules. But you're fine!

Also please correct me if i had gotten anything wrong about Chinese culture. I had only retained some information from a historical accuracy review video and somewhat prior information. Please educate me if you can or like to!

"My, isn't that interesting?" Bi'an walks over and sits next to you, placing his umbrella to the side, "Tell me, how has society progressed through the years? You said your original time was 2023 right?"

You nod, slightly flustered from his sudden interest. Bi'an is suddenly dropped over with a black liquid, and then appears Wujiu, "It seems the rumors are true. Do tell us more Y/n."

Both are ECSTATIC

There were rumors floating around that you were from the future when you first entered. Considering that they're in a manor containing all sorts of supernatural occurrences and people, they weren't all that shocked by it.

Not to say they weren't incredibly curious though! Though Wujiu was more excited than Bi'an hehe.

They talk extensively about you and what the future may hold. What kind of inventions have been made? How have clothing trends changed? Is this person still popular or at least known? How would the people of your time feel about this certain social custom?

What was your daily life? Did anybody give you trouble? Why was this "internet" filled with such strange and quite frankly disturbing content? (Oncler simps /j) Is this why your posture was so bad? Douyin makeup and fashion? Wow they look like dolls! But they amount of product they use in order to attain such a look is quite much sometimes haha.

OH MY GOD THE CHINESE FANTASY/HISTORICAL DRAMAS? They're absolutely entranced by it. Bi'an mostly comments on how historically inaccurate they are, and how outrageous the characters are.

Bi'an: Ah no, this is incorrect as well. The main lady should not be in such fine condition after such a dilemma. I'm surprised she had not been given rags to wear and executed by the emperor instead... What an interesting tale.

Wujiu usually makes passing comments on how they're all attractive, and talks as if he was in the drama itself.

Wujiu: HOLY SHIT IF YOU DON'T JUST FIGHT THIS MISTRESS, WOMAN IM GOING TO DO IT FOR YOU.

Takes everything seriously there 😭 Bi'an has to switch in order to apologize to you and tell Fan he's scaring you.

Since you adorn such simple clothing, they question you about Chinese culture a lot. Had such articles of clothing been lost to time? What traditions are still practiced? Wait, the average are allowed people cut their hair? How shocking! Isn't that disrespectful to their parents? Er, which ruler is in charge of the north now?

Once you tell them all of the things that connect you to your chinese heritage, they will try and do EVERYTHING you used to do.

New Year's was it? Ah they have been on a westerners calendar for a while, so they have not been up to date. Well, this calls for special red envelopes and beautiful clothing does it not?

Adorns you only in the most beautiful traditional clothing. Hanfu's are flowy and can be quite modest, but Qipao's can be intricate and beautifully simple. Oh but you could also wear a Tangzhuang. Matching with them, what a dream come true! So cute you are... Agh, they just can't pick! Why do you have to be so beautiful?

They are also surprised by how modern traditional clothing has become. Clothing like that would've been years worth of salary for the average man! How lucky you are to be able to wear such things for a price.

Although they doll you up and celebrate with you, you aren't allowed to do anything more than to stay with them and obey the usual rules during all of it.

Damn, you don't even get anything of real material value in the red envelope. It's a love letter and a small gift. Usually jewelry or something of that minimal sort. (The gift is meaningless to you as you receive all kinds of unwanted things from them 24/7)

They are glad you are of the same ethnic background of them! You both may have not been from the same place or time, but you two both have a personal understanding of each other's identity.

Partaking in various conversations about culture, technology, celebrating traditions, partially speaking in similar language... All and more of these things have them head over heels for you.

You're just perfect! How could they ever have been so lucky to encounter someone like you in this afterlife? Although they wish not to have experienced such past hardships, they're glad all of that had amounted to this moment.

It thrills them to know that they understand you more than anyone else in this manor. No one else could spend time and appreciate you like this here. It's only them who can truly make you feel at home. A home with them. Your lovers.

Perhaps being in this wretched manor has brought something worthwhile after all. Even if they don't win, at least they have something they can bring back with them.

#yandere #yandere wu chang #yandere identity v #identity v #idv #yandere idv #male yandere #wu chang #x reader #wu chang x reader #idv x reader #identity v x reader #yandere x reader

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star-hoon · 5 days

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i did my makeup today & it genuinely came out soooo good im so happy 🥹🐈‍⬛

shoutout to pinterest/the douyin girlies for teachin me how to do a smokey eye on my asian features

#star hoon ramblings #enhypen #enha

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twsthc · 8 months

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twst makeup styles ✶

unmentioned characters are headcanoned to have light/natural makeup, or no makeup at all ^_^ also tumblr only allows 30 images per post, part 2 is linked at the end !!

⚠️ warnings: none

last updated: feb 29, 2024

RIDDLE ROSEHEARTS : douyin natural / uzzlang makeup

his mom didnt want him using makeup (it would ruin his skin or smt)

imo natural makeup is the easiest to do so she was able to pick it up quickly at nrc (as someone w no previous makeup experience)

douyin aegyo sal hides the eyebags also lmao

DEUCE SPADE : beabadoobe makeup

idk its simple its easy its deuce

this style also goes really well with the style i hc him to have so

plus the eyeshadow carries over from his delinquent asshole era methinks

CATER DIAMOND : y2k makeup design

i already mentioned genderqueer super expressive cater let me bring it back

the rest of her face would be basic y2k but i imagine she goes crazy w the eye designs

LEONA KINGSCHOLAR : dark eyeshadow

NOT a full face just the eyeshadow and maybe some highlights

based off of scar from the lion king meowmeowmeow

AZUL ASHENGROTTO : drag / unconventional makeup

we musnt forget azuls ursula roots

he is literally based on a character based on a drag queen ok

how did they fuck up and make him so basic in-game???

FLOYD LEECH : banba gyaru / scene makeup

floyd mentioned once (one time) that he likes colorful things n i went crazy

also floyd is a scene kid TO ME so :3

JADE LEECH : metal / heavy punk

you already know why.

i also think it would be funny because i headcanon jade to have a yama girl/mori kei style, soft style + hard face is always nice

KALIM AL-ASIM : kogal / hime gyaru

i dont know myself what i was cooking here... but uh

here is a cute tiktok that inspired my lesbian gyaru kalim agenda

JAMIL VIPER : smokey eye makeup

uses kohl

no one knows how they get both wings right every time

part 2 here !!

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst headcanons #riddle rosehearts #deuce spade #cater diamond #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #floyd leech #jade leech #kalim al asim #jamil viper #makeup #twsthc

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princessprettyprivilege · 2 years

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Entry 1: Discovery

I have discovered who I truly am.

I am a siren to the everyday man I cross paths with

I evoke wonder & fantasy in the everyday person’s mind.

On the surface level, you [may] wonder why an everyday/average person’s stare mean to me. It’s like having a secret superpower you have to hide, and can’t control when or where it works.

A few nights ago, I believed I wouldn’t be considered a siren since I’m not extroverted, popular, the center of attention or overt with my sexuality.

So, I learned about sirens from a historical perspective even though I could not imagine myself luring anyone psychologically. I’ve been doing it unintentionally!

[I have been a wallflower] for 19 years, until I realized the power of accepting my inner siren tendencies. I can command attention, but to transmute it into something tangible calls for confidence most women feel ashamed to wish for.

Becoming Unrealistically Realistic

2022 is the year for aesthetics, and so was 4,000 years ago. For a visual, I view copying someone else’s appearance at the bottom rung, aesthetics as a surface level facet,

a high maintenance image as the 2nd to last facet, a spectacle as a moment before a person’s aura (and 1st to last piece),

and finally an ensemble as an encore with many standing ovations. What do I mean by these scales?

Copycat appearance. There’s no imagination or creativity in copying another’s makeup, mannerisms, outfits or poses. Wearing makeup that doesn’t fit your features looks like you’re playing in mommy’s makeup, while copying the other modes make you look like a caricature.

Aesthetics. Aesthetics are like props in a stage setup. They only lie on the surface while being consistent in becoming one with your character is the spectacle.

High maintenance. Anyone can become high maintenance since it’s meaning is maintaining something highly frequently.

Spectacle. A spectacle is a dream figure that leaves a lasting impact on someone for a lifetime and generations afterwards. These people are highly imitated and romanticized; figures in history books.

Ensemble. Ensembles are just like spectacles, also ahead of their time/timeless.

How I’m Becoming Unrealistically Realistic:

Jumpsuits and long leg pants with pointed toe heels. Also, dresses with peep toe heels. Soft toe shoes cut off long legs. In renditions of goddesses being seen on the streets, they resemble average women, yet their legs and stature are abnormal to the point of looking humanoid.

Wedges. Wedges & platform heels give “goddess legs” to me faster than heels do since the arch of your feet mold to the incline of a wedge when heels exaggerate your arch, which looks artificial. From a distance, wedges blend into your height.

Unlimited confidence. Please identify yourself if you were knocked down pegs in your childhood for taking pride in your being because “that’s only for boys.”

Retiring my overly “innocent” behavior. I HATE I was conditioned to know going against the “golden rule” is bad and if anyone disagrees with me, I have to compromise or apologize for my beliefs. Also, assuming the best and nicest in every single person. Once I achieve my goals, the latter are side missions. Side note: I’m sure if I were in a community where feminine women were prized, I wouldn’t feel as forced to change.

Being able to tell myself, “no, wait,” instead of feeling entitled to buy a material item as soon as I see it.

View every occasion as an opportunity to become a “spectacle.” Being a spectacle does not mean wearing formal makeup and clothing as everyday wear.

On my Pinterest boards, I save douyin, webtoon and almost natural makeup looks because makeup collages I had on my mirror are too heavy on my eyes and don’t match my eye shape. Instead of wearing ball gowns out, think outfits you wouldn’t feel embarrassed wearing if you were on TV.

Luxury

Feeling!!

#femininity #high maintenance #high standards #pretty privilege #femininity tips #level up

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bizarrequazar · 2 months

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GJ and ZZH Updates — March 3-9

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This is part of a weekly series collecting updates from and relating to Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan.

This post is not wholly comprehensive and is intended as an overview, links provided lead to further details. Dates are in accordance with China Standard Time, the organization is chronological. My own biases on some things are reflected here. Anything I include that is not concretely known is indicated as such, and you’re welcome to do your own research and draw your own conclusions as you see fit. Please let me know if you have any questions, comments, concerns, or additions. :)

[Glossary of names and terms] [Masterlist of my posts about the situation with Zhang Zhehan]

03-03 → The whaler MistyRose posted a screenshot of account stats that can only be seen by the account holder for the official Ranyi Music YouTube channel (associated with the Zhang Sanjian songs.) This suggests that at the least she has some insider connection with the scam that allowed her to receive the screenshot personally, and it's possible that she's the one running the account herself.

→ 361° posted two photo ads featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ Za posted another teaser photo ad featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ The Instagram posted six photos of "Zhang Zhehan" and "Zhang Mama" and four of an aquarium.

03-04 → Gong Jun posted a commercial for the makeup brand Za, announcing that he is their new global spokesperson. This was reposted by his studio.

→ Za posted five photo ads featuring Gong Jun. [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] (1129 kadian on the first)

→ The Instagram posted a video of the most recent scam concert.

→ Za held a livestream to promote the new endorsement with Gong Jun. During this, a number of people with obviously CPF usernames won several giveaways, and the streamer reportedly said "Oh [you're] also a fan of Zhehan" to one of them. Sources: [1] [2]

→ 361° posted a promotional video featuring Gong Jun. Fan Observation: The video shows him colouring flowers in with red. In the final shot one flower is still left uncoloured, recalling Zhou Zishu's plum blossom mural in Word of Honor.

03-05 → Za posted a promotional video (1129 kadian) and two photo ads [1] [2] featuring Gong Jun.

→ 361° posted three photo ads featuring Gong Jun.

→ Za posted three wallpapers featuring Gong Jun.

03-06 → Gong Jun posted five photos ads of himself for L'Oreal.

→ Za posted a promotional video featuring Gong Jun.

→ Some of the old essays posted by Zhang Sanjian at the very beginning of the scam (early 2022) were reposted, but edited to remove the implications against Gong Jun and CPFs. It's been discussed quite bit by now that trying to appeal to solo fans at the expense of CPFs so early on was the scam's biggest mistake, as it caused CPFs to become sceptical and begin investigations. This is not the first time that the scam has shown signs of wanting to backtrack on that move.

03-07 → The Fox Spirit Matchmaker Weibo posted a promotional image of Gong Jun's character to celebrate the show reaching 4 million viewer reservations. Caption: "Refreshing and clear, with eyebrows like poetry. Dongfang Yuechu @ Gong Jun Simon seems to be the person in the painting."

→ Gong Jun posted a short commercial for Za to his Douyin. Fan Observation: The product is called Magnetic (贴贴, tietie) Powder, the same word fans use for how Gong Jun and Zhang Zhehan would often bump against each other when they were working together. I could be wrong, but I couldn't find any evidence of this product existing prior to Gong Jun's endorsement.

→ Gong Jun's studio posted a little video celebrating Fox Spirit Matchmaker's milestone. Caption: "Pure fire is invincible🔥Candied haws never leaves the hand✌️ #Fox Spirit Matchmaker: Red Moon Chapter has more than 4 million reservations#, @ Gong Jun Simon's new mission props are now distributed!" The same was also posted to the studio's Douyin.

→ Za posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

03-08 → Gong Jun posted four photo ads he did for L'Oreal to his Xiao Hong Shu.

→ GXG posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ 361° posted a video voiced by Gong Jun for International Women's Day. (1129 kadian)

→ Za posted a behind the scenes video of their commercial featuring Gong Jun. (1129 kadian)

→ Gong Jun posted four photos of himself. Caption: "Happy holidays! Also share my half-day leisure 😌"

→ Za posted a photo ad featuring Gong Jun.

→ Gong Jun posted a silly video of himself to his Douyin. Caption: "I heard that this is how millions of people move their mirrors 🤳" BGM is What You Won't Do For Love by Bobby Caldwell.

03-09 → The scam announced a short film entitled "August" directed by "Zhang Zhehan", using footage that the scam gang took during the bike trip in August 2022. The intention of this is very obviously to have search results for the film come up with information about 813.

Additional Reading: → N/A

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#Zhang Zhehan #Gong Jun #Word of Honor #woh cast #lld timeline

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nanacornerbeauty · 1 year

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What is Douyin Makeup? A Guide to Trends, Looks, and Products

If you’re curious about how long a makeup trend will last, just check out TikTok! Some makeup trends are only popular for a short time, but others are more long-lasting. Douyin makeup is one of those long-lasting trends that you might have seen on your TikTok “For You” page. It’s so popular that the hashtag has over 1.3 million views on TikTok.

Makeup artist Lewis Chia has made several Douyin makeup videos that have gone viral. He loves how Douyin makeup enhances your natural features while still letting them shine through.

Another makeup artist, Taylour Chanel, thinks Douyin makeup is great because it’s soft and gentle, which is different from the edgy, cool makeup trends we’ve seen recently. Chanel says that Douyin Makeup is answering a call that people are looking for in the beauty world right now.

What Is Douyin Makeup?

Douyin makeup is a trendy makeup style from China that’s becoming more popular in other parts of the world, especially thanks to TikTok. The look is all about a natural, glowing complexion and uses shimmery eyeshadow, pink blush, and soft lips.

Some people have been confusing Douyin makeup with Korean beauty, but it’s important to remember that they’re different styles from different cultures. Douyin makeup was created by Chinese makeup influencers and emphasizes glittery eyeshadow and dramatic lashes, while Korean beauty uses a more minimal eye look.

Even though it’s a traditional East Asian look, people around the world are starting to take inspiration from Douyin makeup and make it their own. Makeup creator Kamille Gregory was curious to see how the style would look on her, and now she loves it too!

How To Do Douyin Makeup Step By Step?

Read now: https://nanacorner.com/2023/04/28/what-is-douyin-makeup-a-guide-to-trends-looks-and-products/

#douyin makeup #makeup tips #makeup looks #makeup tutorial #asian makeup

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necrogfie · 1 month

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got 1 like on my post abt it ,, so my transition plans for my different ids (that i plan to transition to) under the cut ⁓ ♪ !

first the basic easy stuff where my plan isn't long :

transweight ( to [readacted] kg ) -> lose weight

transprogrammed -> ... find someone to program me and get programmed

trans cane user -> get a cane !! and learn how to use it

others transharmed/ful ids -> try to get into a conabusive relationship to relieve my dysphoria related to those ids (can't be too descriptive)

noow the more 'complicated' stuff to transition to

trans-polish -> learn polish first obvi, learn more of polish history and culture (in a more first hand way - directly from polish ppl) and just do the general stuff u do to connect to ur lineage. and i'd like to go and experience poland for an extended period of time (when the situation get better, which will be soon i hope!)

trans-chinese -> now. i have no hope of learning chinese (mandarin) to the point of being fluent but i have hope to at least be able to have small casual conversation and be able to read basic stuff in chinese. again, learn more abt the history and culture (in this specific region !!), aaand very silly but doing douyin makeup (not ... asian fishing) ++ getting traditional chinese clothes

transgender -> uhrm yes this go there too so woo. get on T is the first goal and the easiest one, then get my tits chooped off (and like . no nipples graft bcuz reasons) and maybe get bottom surgery because having a dick could be fire but that more for when i will be like . 35 years old. also growing out my hair (yes this count as transition) very long, because 1. i wanna be a man w long hair 2. i'm shen and in source i am a cis man with long hair soo

trans-NPD -> ... lie. lie to get diagnosed w NPD. because realistically there is not way in hell i can transition for that, ill just have to lie thru my teeth and as they say, fake it until you make it, maybe i can't like trick my brain into thinking i have NPD

trans-HoH -> (disclaimer !! not encouraging anyone to do that, thats bad for you) learn LSF and destroy my hearing in my right ear by listening to music way too loud

trans-incomplete legs paralysis -> this one is one, i don't think i'll realistically be able to transition to, but this is a case where i'll have to do drastic stuff myself (which ill probably never do bcuz im a pussy) or see a professional for my BIID and try to get arrangement and like get allowed to get my legs chopped off (because i don't know how it's possible to just have incomplete paralysis be ... happening on my legs ? thru surgery ? maybe it's possible but i will have to see) but for this one i just try to ignore that my legs are working (whenever it's possible) and as i said before see a professional for my BIID and see if something can be done to transition.

#rambles 🧸#some of those are so silly im crying TT theyr rlly simple too #++ there is a few others ids i wanna transition too but its just like ... ill act as if im this and woo (for my transsev ids)

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linisiane · 8 months

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Cant stop thinking about that time I went on Reddit to ask for makeup advice, hoping to achieve that kbeauty soft makeup look (as in making me look soft, not as in more natural looking) and instead got replies telling me that I looked like a model, that people would get surgery to have eyes that looked like mine, that the makeup in the photo is unattainable.

The thing is that I don’t look like a model at all. I just look like a young Asian woman. It reminded me of when make up artists started saying fox eye make up was in style now and then started pulling their eyes back.

A dissonance of understanding that they didn’t mean any harm, but caused it anyway because of the system of beauty they work under: one where parts of our body come in and out of style.

From small butts to BBLs. From big eyes to fox eyes. White to tan to black to white again. Our culture rewards them for finding new features to exotify.

Let me walk it back. Why did someone calling me a model feel like a micro aggression?

Well, the advice they gave me on the subreddit was all very centered around western beauty, so I think it was less a matter of false flattery and more a matter of them having genuinely no idea how to frame my face in western beauty standards.

The photo I used for my bare face vs the advice they gave me.

Similar to the way people say Asian women date ugly white men and white men date ugly Asian women—it’s not that they’re fetishizing the other for their race (although sometimes they indeed are doing that), but that what they each think of as beautiful is different based on exposure.

So my eye shape is a unique (exotic) feature to capitalize on to them, but to me, I look like a normal Asian person.

This was reinforced by the model they said I reminded them of: Devon Aoki.

I totally get where they’re coming from with this! I do look similar to her in face shape, but I think it’s really notable that Devon is Wasian. Half white half Asian, which is pairing a lot of people say makes the prettiest babies.

What I hear when they say that, however, is that racial ambiguity is beautiful.

“The Instagram look is racially ambiguous, as it includes many features commonly found in Black women, Indigenous women and other women of color. However, BIPOC women who naturally have these features, compared to rich white and white-adjacent women who have gone through cosmetic procedures to achieve the same features for aesthetic’s sake, are rarely given the same level of acclaim or endorsements for their natural beauty.”

Again, it’s about a system where parts of our body come in and out of style, where proximity to whiteness is really key to determining what part is just an ‘ethnic’ feature and what will be trendy. So although what’s on Devon makes her look like a high fashion model, my features will always read as an un-notable Asian woman.

Ariana Grande was accused of Asian fishing. I don’t think she was doing this on purpose. It’s just that she likely got a face lift done that, as a side effect of pulling her face back, reduced her upper lid crease, making her look more Asian.

So yeah, I don’t doubt that people would get surgery to get eyes like mine. But that’s a monkey’s paw! One where, even though people are literally getting surgeries to have the “privilege�� of having feature like mine, those features on my face will never have the same appeal.

The last thing is the idea that this makeup is unattainable. I find this very sweet to say, as obviously took my wording to mean I thought she had very little makeup on and wanted to reassure me that she was artificial.

However, most times when people talked about this style of makeup, they use soft to mean “looking sweet” rather than literally a soft amount, so it was really frustrating to see a cultural barrier hamstring the advice I got. Again, most of it was along the lines of the Western Baddie look rather than the more ‘soft’ makeup tutorial I was looking for (which I later found when Douyin makeup tutorials got translated).

The image I asked for advice on, the "soft" pic I posted for their reference, and a later, more skilled try (that I figured out myself by watching Douyin makeup tutorials).

It also reminded me of the way people jump on anything vaguely positive about China as a ploy by Chinese spies or propaganda by the coerced citizens. The way they pit China against America and use them as a measure of 'real' state propaganda.

Obviously it’s not the same—she clearly was wearing filters and they were misunderstanding my language in the first place—but it also made wonder about how much they’d have said had I asked about advice on getting a more Gigi look or a more Kardashion makeup style?

Sure, there would’ve been people calling out their photoshop/surgery/filters, but would their advice also have been more actionable? More understanding that I was interested in the technique of their makeup, like the Kardashian contour or the 2016 brows or Gigi's fox eyes for instance, rather than assuming that I’d been brainwashed by extreme Asian beauty standards?

I understood, even then, that her look would be unachievable on account of my face shape and skin color (and whew boy that’s its own can of ‘Eurocentric beauty standards and colonialism’ worms), but I also knew that my makeup skills were beginner at best, and that I could be achieving more similar results with the right advice, which I later did.

Anyways, I appreciated all of the advice!!!! They were all super nice, and some of the tips I did end up following!

But America's beauty culture makes it impossible to conceive of beauty unrelated to whiteness -- Western/white beauty tips, Wasians are the prettiest babies, I am a 'high fashion' model, surgery to have my eyes, extreme Asian beauty standards -- like the way orientalism fails to conceive of the East beyond a reflection of the West.

#orientalism #my thoughts #imperialism #asian american #beauty standards #chinese american #ABC #colonialism #eurocentrism #eurocentric beauty standards #undescribed

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reggieservices · 1 year

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Hi! I was wondering if you still do bowers gang ships and if I could get a ship :)

I am an Asian girl about 5 feet I have black hair medium length hair and brown eyes. I wear douyin makeup. My style is either soft style or big shirts, flannel and jeans. I love making people laugh and am funny, and use sarcasm. I like listening to music and have mommy issues

no hate all y'all short as fuck i feel like a giant😭

I pair you with...

⭐Henry Bowers⭐

⭐Okay so I knew I had to pick Henry the second I saw flannel and jeans im sorry-

⭐He’d constantly give you his clothes, despite you being a literal foot shorter than him

⭐Parades you around school with his baggy ass flannels which end at the end of your thighs

⭐Likes your makeup alot, thinks you look so cute

⭐Dont even think about asking to put it on his face

⭐He doesnt care he will DECK you (or so he says)

⭐He will eventually let you do his make up

⭐But only if you'll sit on his lap while you do it (nasty ahh mf)

⭐Make sure you dont snap a picture he will hunt you down

⭐Sarcasm you say? this man will win that fight every time, dont even TRY

⭐Will play with your hair all. the. time. not even joking he just wants to feel how soft it is 24/7

⭐Most likely listens to the same music as you, I imagine him as one of those people that listens to everything (yes even country, Ian Noe is his shit)

⭐Would even listen to your music if he didnt like it, as long as he could spend quality time with you he doesnt care

⭐Mommy issues? something for you 2 fellas to bond over ya welcome

My bad for being dead y'all lmao the comeback boutta be crazy (it wont im probably gonna be gone by tmrw)

#reggie services #bowers gang #henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #reggie huggins #victor criss #bowers gang x reader #henry bowers x reader #it 2017 #henry bowers imagines #vic criss #bowers gang imagines

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chowaya · 10 months

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Monoma headcannons :

— as much as most people think it would be toxic with dating Monoma, they would be wrong. I can see complications but that's all settled if the chance to communicate and set boundaries was given and taken.

— forces you to watch the Lord of the rings franchise and the hobbit but still talks over the movie. ( probably to explain some heavy detailing and differences between the books )

— had a weird style phase, he finds it embarrassing but shoves it off by saying it was a needed canon event to develop such expertise and taste as him. So he finds ways to match your outfits even when your styling and aesthetic is different from each other.

— is more likely to have piercing than tattoos.

— has sticky notes all over his room that contain context from all sorts of quirks and the techniques to use them, mathematics formulas, history notes, lyrics or poems, favourite lines from books he's read or some incoherent affirmation that he's the hottest and the best.

— hated conflict as a child now, now he stirs all the pot that is available to him. And does he give a sht? Not really.

— popular among the girls because of his eyelashes. They're somewhat in love and jealous at the same thing.

— not a dog or cat person but a bugs and snake person. Had hyper fixations on moths and reptilians— he will talk to you about them if he trusts you enough to not make fun of him. But will elaborate with heavy detail if you find either of them disgusting or scary— just to annoy you.

— doesn't like gift giving that much. Prefers forms of affections from physical touch ( secretly ) , acts of service ( high on this) and lowkey quality time. He prefers giving words of affirmation rather than receiving only because he doesn't know how to react.

— but if gift giving is someone's love language who is he to give that person an opinion of his. He's not hellbent on hating it. Truly adores it if the gift is well thought through or handmade— he values the time and soul of others that put into it.

— finds waist beads, belly cabins and belly piercings hot.

— has this concept that pale skinned people and dark skinned people look best under moonlight while tan and brown skins look best under the sun.

— a Swiftie that relates to 🧺🩹🗝🧸🪞🌿 but prefers 🍾💫🫧🎟🥂📸 music

— also listens to chase Atlantic. A blonde arrogant mean cocky guy that we all would know would totally be a flirt? It fits.

— if he would get a tattoo of his significant other, he would get a tattoo of their eyes.

— wants love, affection and attention and receiving it without having the feeling that he asked for it.

— sucks at mobile games, he's not interested in them that much.

— he prefers to not be around children, he thinks he isn't so experienced or good with them but he's literally a toddler magnet. Especially the real ones who spout whatever they think and the ones who're extremely quiet and shy.

— has divorced parents and is thankful for that everyday.

— will let 1-B girls or his significant other do his makeup, much more prefers if it's natural and enhances his features but he doesn't mind douyin or k-beauty makeup. He likes the glitters but hates heavy matte looks.

— amazing time management and is always early to things. That's canon at this point.

— and last but not least, he's the most amazing, spectacular, outstanding, gorgeous, pretty, ethereal, intelligent, showstopping boy. And I'm sad I don't have him 🫠

#monoma #monoma neito #headcannons #monoma headcanons

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inndelibles · 4 months

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I don't remember if it was said anywhere in-game but I am of the opinion that Baxter absolutely knows how to do makeup and wears it often. Not like full glam of course, but with how much he cares about his appearance, he would totally have that skill in his arsenal.

Like I'm sure he wears subtle foundation and concealer daily (and with that man's sleep schedule you KNOW he would have eye bags that he wants to cover up), and he'll put on the teensiest bit of eyeliner to make his eyes look sharper. All of the makeup would be subtle enough that you wouldn't really notice it if you weren't looking for it, but you would notice he looks slightly different without it. I'm also sure he plucks/shaves his eyebrows to have a perfect shape considering they're described as manicured.

But I also like to think he practices more noticeable makeup on himself, even if he doesn't end up wearing it out. Smoky eyes? Fox eyes? That super pretty Parisian style? Hell yeah he'd be so pretty.

And are you gonna try to tell me that teenage Bax didn't even try out 2000s emo liner??

Nah that man can do a look. And even if he doesn't use that skill much for himself, he would do it for you if you requested. You want a simple daily look? He's got you covered. Going on a fancy date and want full 2016 glam? It'll take his perfectionist ass a while but he'll be so happy to do it. You've been down a rabbit hole on tiktok and now you want to wear douyin makeup just because? He's never done it before but he'll watch so many tutorials and have so much fun doing it.

Ngl this was spurred on by this picture I saw on pinterest, like IMAGINE Baxter on top of you with his stupid ass smirk and a brush/pencil in his hand looking at you like he's about to pounce????? I've ascended.

#our life beginnings and always #olba #baxter ward #olba baxter #our life headcannons

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saddest-clown · 5 months

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Nannie’s Love..

Warnings: violent actions/thoughts,mental illness(bipolar disorder and ocd),delusions,sexual content ,kidnapping,cursing,and other things (this chapter will contain some very graphic descriptions of sexual abuse so please read with caution!! And also I only colored the conversations with multiple people in the room so you guys won’t be confused!)

Small Summary: You were a college student trying to live a normal life until you meet a popular pro Hero couple that needs help watching their children while they’re out doing hero work…nothing bad will happen right?

“I hope you’re taking your medicine as the doctor told you. I wouldn’t want to have a repeat of 10 year old you-“

“Yes yes grandma I hear you gosh.”

“Well missy I can’t hear you with that a damn “something in the way” playing in the back. Turn that shit off!”

She can’t tell me what to do. She’s an old bitter bitch to be frank. I’ll just turn it down.

“But what did you want to tell me exactly grandma?”

“Oh yeah. The doctor told me you have information on a good plastic surgeon. Make sure you contact me first before you go getting any ideas of actually getting this surgery done on you.”

“And why would I need your permission again? I remember me being 20 aka a damn adult?”

“That can’t drink legally. Don’t go getting disrespectful with me missy! I’ll come and spank your grown ass. Don’t play with me.”

She thinks she’s so scary. Her and my grandpa. They’re just annoying, if my parents were her with me it’d be different. Fuck them too

“What happened to you being a grown ass adult huh? I thought the call hung up you got so damn silent.”

“…”

“What I thoug-“

I can’t take her berating me right now. I should be in a good mood. I’m getting ready to have my interview with the Midoriyas.

I decided to go with douyin makeup for today. It’s cute and easy. I can’t focus on my bottom lashes if she’s bitching on MY mobile.

Okay that’s pretty good.. I look really nice. I finally found time to buy me some clothes. I decided to wear a off the shoulder knit shirt with a frilly black skirt. I also recently bought a black shoulder bag too!!

*Ring Ring*

Oh? Some is calling me.. it’s Izuku!

“Hello?”

“Hi Pearl how are you doing right now?”

“I’m doing amazing right now! I’m done getting ready and is finna head to the train station right now!”

“Oh no I couldn’t ask you to ride the train. I know of the men on there and I won’t be letting a beautiful woman get attacked on the train.”

Oh my god be just called me beautiful I might faint.

“I-okay!! Umm I live near Toden Arakawa Line where the Omokagebashi Station is. You’ll see Weave Place – Waseda Park!! When you’re here just give me a call.”

“Okay I’ll be on my way! See you soon.”

He hangs up first good. But to put myself and grandma at ease I will take my medicine. I hate how big they are like I’m some sort of horse.

I put my essentials in my bag. Definitely putting in the new perfume I just bought. It smells so good but it was pretty expensive ٭(•﹏•)٭

I lock my door and get on the elevator. I’m super nervous about this. I get to sit and have a chat with my celebrity crush for crying out loud!? People just don’t get this opportunity everyday. Well commoners like me don’t.

I look into to the lobby to see some some what familiar faces. I don’t really talk to my neighbors. Never been interested in it.

I sit on a bench outside and patiently wait. Normally there aren’t so many people out but it is the weekend.

A car pulls up and when I tell you it’s really nice. My apartments may be nice but no one would be casually driving in that. These apartments are nice but not that nice.

*Ring Ring*

“Hey I’m here.. wait is that you on the bench?”

“Oh yeah it’s me!!”

“Okay cool!”

He hung up the phone and got out the car. Damn.. he’s so sexy. Shit.. I can’t be getting all excited out here.

“Hi there stranger!”

“Hi Pearl!! How are you?”

“I’m doing just fine. My morning has just been divine since it’s the weekend.”

“Well that’s nice. Let me open the door for you!”

He opens the door for me and I sit down. He’s so considerate. The seats are warm and comfortable. It smells so good in here! I need to get a quick look of the scent I’ll put it in my future car.

“Well umm welcome to my car. And my I hope this doesn’t come off weird but when I opened the door I got a whiff of your scent and your perfume smells amazing.”

“Why thank you sir. I really appreciate it because it was like really expensive haha.”

We were talking until my phone went off. I don’t own a fancy phone.I actually like collecting vintage flip phones weird huh?

“I’m sorry about this. I have head phones so I won’t disturb you!”

“Oh no your fine you wouldn’t disturb me at all!!”

I smile and look at the contact name. Of course it’s my damn grandma.

“Hello grandma? I’m kinda busy right now..”

“Girl you’ll never be busy when it comes down to me hunny. Where the hell are you actually?! Me and your grandpa were riding around and he had to piss and we came to your apartment but you aren’t here? Where the fuck are you?”

“I’m out doing my own things okay? We have free restrooms for everyone to use why did you have to go to my apartment?”

“Because we want to. Are you questioning me now huh?! I don’t give a damn where you are and who is around you I’ll whoop your slut-“

Nope no was is gonna shame me on my own phone not in front of him.

“Look Mr. Midoriya Im so sorry about that.. I didn’t think she would act like that.”

“Oh yeah you’re fine… um are you okay? She was being really mean to you.. I know she’s your grandma but you still have to let her know how her words hurt your feelings.”

“That’s a really nice gesture but she doesn’t care about how I feel.. it’s fine anyways! She doesn’t call me back when I hand up on her. So it’s fine. If she does call back I’ll put my phone on silent.”

The car gets a little silent the only thing you can hear is the radio playing. It was pretty awkward. My grandma had to ruin it. She ruins everything.

“U-um I noticed you have a interesting phone! I haven’t seen someone use a flip phone in ages actually.!”

“Oh yeah! I love collecting vintage flip phones. This one is the Sharp SH-048 in Melty Bitter! My grandpa bought it for my mom when she was young and she didn’t like it very much so he saved it for me and gave it to me when I was younger and I’ve kept it ever since.”

“Oh that was nice. Do you have a good relationship with your grandpa?”

“Oh.. umm it’s better than my relationship with my grandmother. He speaks to me through gifts and such more than words. She’s more vocal than him. He only disciplines me when my grandma tells him to do it isn’t that bad I guess.”

“Yeah I’m so sorry, I think I’ve made it awkward enough.. so why don’t we just drive in silence.”

I lowkey thank him for suggesting that. Now I get to think of some lies to tell them. Like for instance my quirk.

I’m pretty sure with a quirk like mine no one would want they’re kid around them.

What my quirk you ask? It’s nothing important right now（╹◡╹）.

We arrived at his house. I know he’s like loaded but like 2 cars..? Who else is here..

“Hey Mr.Midoriya I know that you’re rich and everything but like that’s also your car?”

“Oh yeah I’m so sorry I forgot to mention my parents are here to give you a little interview as well. You know? They just want to make sure whoever is watching their grandkids are suitable for it.”

“Yeah Of course I understand I’d do the same if I was in their position right now.”

He gets out to open my door. I hate old people. My grandparents really fucked up my perception of the elderly. Really bad actually. Now I only think of them as old bitter coffin holders.

“Well welcome to my neighborhood! I hope everything goes smoothly.”

I smile and walk with him into his huge house. As we walk in I look around to see all the photos he has with Uraraka it made me want to sob.

Their photos look so nice. They look so in love. No man had ever looked at me like that genuinely.

We almost reach the dining room when we head heavy peddling feet running our way.

“PEARLLLL YOU’RE HERE OMGGGG. I MISSED YOU SO MUCH!!”

I smile and catch him in a hug as he runs into me.

“Haiii sweetie. I hope you’ve been a good boy while I wasn’t here.”

“Mhm-mhm! I was the greatest boy.”

“That’s good to hear sweetheart. But where’s your little brother?”

He points at the tall but obviously fake plant.

“He’s hiding behind there.”

I nod and take a couple steps closer to the plant and squat to his height. I can see in the corner of my eye the adults making their way to us.

I point at the plant suddenly.

“Plant.”

I can feel the eyebrows turning up in confusion.

“Fake.”

Another one word. I can see that Inase is starting to understand a little bit.

“I’m sorry he doesn’t really talk much not even with his parent-“

She was cut off with a unexpected sound from the youngest child.

“Fake plant.”

I smile as I got him to talk

I push my hand towards him.

“Hand.”

Then I proceed to move it in a shaking motion.

“Shake.”

Suddenly to everyone’s surprise he repeats the same thing as me but instead he grabs my hand as well.

I stand up properly and he comes form behind the plant and hugs me just like his brother. The adults clap and smile.

“Wow Pearl was it? You are good at what you do!! We haven’t got him to take in forever. Not for anything. It’s amazing seeing him talk.”

“Thank you. Since I study child behavior and development, we’ve learned that non verbal kids speak faster and better when you ease them into speaking.

“Wow let me just say that was amazing! I’m Inko Yagi! Izuku’s mother. And this is my husband Toshinori Yagi!”

“Hello miss,can I just that I’m so thankful for your help on giving us a start to having Inase speak.”

“Ofcourse! It’s no problem!”

“How about we get started with the small interview. Saku and Ina you two can come only if you behave.”

“YES! We promise mommy. We’ll be on our best behavior.”

He shows his brother his palm and demonstrates a high five. I giggle seeing how fast his brother caught on to my teaching methods.

We all head to the dinning table and all sit. The kids run to sit with my. Ina laying his head on my chest and Saku leaning on my side.

“Okay so my first question and most simple question. Can you tell us your full name please? First and Last preferably.”

“It’s Kashvi Pearl Dahlia. I know it sounds foreign cause my mom named me after her first love. A girl she meet when visiting Indian for the first time.”

“Oh really? That’s interesting. Did she know your mom named you after her?”

“No she died before I was born.”

“Oh…I’m sorry about that.”

“Oh it’s fine I didn’t know her. But anyways next question please.”

“Yeah umm Do you have any past experience with addiction. Like drugs or alcohol?.”

“No ma’am Iived with my grandparents my whole life so I didn’t have much time for things like that. And my college does drug tests on us every week.”

“Interesting. Do you mind if I could also view the results. It’s nothing against you ofcourse I just want to know that you’re sober when you are watching the boys. There’s nothing wrong with drink or so. Just want you to make the best sober choices.”

“That’s fine I completely understand.”

“Okay well I don’t really have anymore questions.”

“Okay well next person please.”

“That will be me dear. I want to know if you are certified in CPR perhaps? Or any medical practices for like injuries around the house.”

“Oh yeah I actually do have a certification in CPR. Since my professor has us to do many active assessments with children we had to learn it and more things. Like I have a med kit with many things for day to day injuries and more!”

“That’s good to know. Okay my next question is do you mind helping the kids with their homework or engaging in educational activities with them? Like being a chaperone on field trips?”

“Yes ma’am. I talked to my professors about me switching to night school and online lectures so I can give them all my attention.”

“Well I only have one more thing and it’s more of a request. Can I have a number of someone we can call just in case we can’t get in touch with you?”

“Oh yes ma’am. My neighbor’s number is ###-####-####.”

“Thank you dear. That is all I need.”

“Mr.Midoriya I’m guessing you have some sort of questions?”

“Oh yes! Umm I really don’t have many I really only have 2. The first one is about your quirk?”

“Oh I don’t have one. I was born with a quirk but it got took from me.”

“Oh my! I’m so sorry that happened to you… one of my friends lost their quirk as well so I could just imagine how you felt.”

I smile at him. He’s so sweet,thinking of others all the time.

“But honestly I don’t have another question. I trust you Pearl.

“Thank you Mr.Midoriya I appreciate it.”

“Well I guess that’s all the questions. Dad do you have one?”

“Umm no to be honest. If her body language was amazing when questioned. That’s one thing that caught my eye. I can tell Miss Pearl will be amazing with little ones.”

Honestly it went smoother than I would have thought. After all the questions we had dinner and played games. It was amazing.

Me and Izuku were having an nice conversation the whole car ride not once did it go quiet.

“Like I would have never thought that’s how the series would end! I hate cliffhangers to this day because of that show.”

“Same!! The creators are the reason I have trust issues now haha!”

“Well sadly this is your stop.”

“Aww man well I had a lot of fun with you guys. Once again thank you for giving me this opportunity!”

“No problem Pearl thank you for taking the job for us. Well have a good night and I’ll see you tomorrow morning!”

I wave him goodbye and head in my apartment complex. I failed to see the familiar car in the lot.

I opened my apartment door with a satisfied sign.

“Hello apartment! I hope you had an excellent night because I did! I can’t even say I missed you a tiny bit.”

As I made my way past my counter island something yanked me by my hair.

“OH YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE GOING TO GET AWAY WITH THAT DISRESPECTFUL ATTITUDE OF YOURS?!”

She punched me in my face as she screamed bloody murder.

“OH IM BUSY GRANDMA. LIKE I GIVE ONE FUCK ABOUT YOUR LIFE SWEETHEART?!”

She throws me to the ground while I was still trying to recover from the hit she gave me.

“So rude to your own grandmother! Someone who took care of you when your own MOTHER didn’t want you!?”

I let her talk to herself while I tried to crawl away from her while holding my face.

“OH GET YOUR SLUTTY ASS BACK HERE!?”

She grabs my skirt pulling it down in the process. Now I’m only in underwear and my sweater.

“Granny I’m sor-“

She grabs my shirt so hard it rips leaving my partially naked.

“Now you’re sorry? Well I doesn’t fucking matter does it huh little Y/n!? You never seemed to understand when you disrespect your elders you get punished Y/n?!”

She drags me to my bathroom. We past my balcony to see my grandfather smoking a cigarette. Trying to focus on something other than his wife abusing his granddaughter.

“You are easily the biggest disappointment of our family. To think my daughter birthed a lunatic. A disrespectful one at that.”

She elbows me in my face darkening my vision. Until my vision is complete took. I can tell she put a blind fold on my face.

I could feel air touch my nipples. So I was completely naked now. I didn’t hear anyone talking or making any kind of movement.

I make an effort to move but is restricted. What the hell did she tie me up?!

Suddenly I hear a jingle of a belt buckle.

“Wait granny is that yo-“

A sudden slap of a belt brings a yelp out of me.

“You just had to do this to yourself. You decided to treat the only people that love you like shit. I’m really getting tired of having to do this when you’re a “grown up”. “

She just starts hitting me with the belt everywhere. My breasts,my face, legs, even my cunt for crying out loud. And that’s what I did,scream and cry. Was all I could do is voice my apologies for being rude.

When I finally pissed myself she stopped. She finally decided that was enough.

I just sat there in my own piss. Mascara smudged on my face from my constant crying. The truth is I don’t know why I’m crying. She’s always like this. One time when I was 14 she let our pervert neighbor have his way with me after I got sent to the principal’s office. She continuously denied letting him in but I just can’t find myself to believe her.

A boy kept bothering me about my skirt and how slutty my legs looked. He even grabbed the inside of my underwear after he had snuck into the girls bathroom! I bit him and threw him against the sink.

They had the audacity to call the police on me?! When I was the one attacked. They said I was “having hallucinations” because of my mental illness.

My grandma was livid. She beat me to black and blue after that. She had to write a letter to the parents of the boy to not be upset with him because I was mental.

She didn’t even let me rest after she beat me half to death…

(WARNING R4PE FLASHBACK)

I remember sitting in my bed shaking…

Then suddenly my door opens

“Hey kiddo… I hear you got into a bit of trouble at school today.”

The mysterious man comes up to me and starts rubbing circles in my back. This action immediately makes me tense up.

Tears build up in my eyes and I start to silently cry.

“Shhh honey I know… I know you’re in pain. I know you’re in trouble..but me. I believe everything you said.”

I looked up at him still crying.

“…..Really?”

“Oh of course honey, teenage boys are horrible little creatures who only think with they’re teeny tiny little cocks. But me? I’m all grown up and I can help you.”

“how?”

“Well when I’m hurting really bad I use sex to get rid of my frustrations. I think it could help you too..”

I didn’t know what sex was. I’d never had the talk. My grandma just said if I was to have it I’d be sitting on the concrete with some crackhead.

I lost my train of thought when he started to kiss my forehead. He mumbled sweet words and praises in my ear.

My tummy filled with butterflies. No one has spoken to me like that Ever

The way his hands sneakily moved down my body caressing my private and chest. I couldn’t help but make small noises.

The way he kissed me so passionately. Every moan I let out he got more excited. He taught things about my body that I never knew of until he came in that day.

“That’s it fuck! Honey I never thought you would be so good at this for a virgin.”

He was referring to my ability to make him feel good. He told me that all the women he’s been with they’ve never made him feel that good.

In that time it felt amazing. His finger inside of me feeling the hole of my privates and of my heart.

“Okay honey I’m gonna put it in now. Brace yourself.”

I’ve never felt anything like that. It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever had to experience. It hurt like hell but it felt good. I didn’t think about what happened earlier. After a while the pain turns into Pleasure

It lasted a while until he had to take it out. There was a little blood but he said that’s what happens.

Before he left he kissed me on my lips and rudely let his white stuff or as he told me it was called “cum” get all over my face.

(FLASHBACK OVER)

My grandparents only found out when my grandpa hit his car and he got angry. He threatened to fuck me much worse if he doesn’t pay for it.

However it was different. My grandmother was gone on a girls trip and so he was the only one watching me. If it was my grandma she would’ve beat my ass but this time it was different. He beat the NEIGHBOR’S ass instead of mine.

My grandpa brought me to my doctor and explained to him that I was taken advantage of and that I needed to talk to someone because he couldn’t help with that.

My neighbor didn’t go to jail though. He had too much dirt on them to let them go to the police. Before he left he looked at me through the window I was watching him from. He said to me

“Remember what I taught you honey. Please yourself rather than your frustration and problems.”

And that’s what I did.

After my grandparents made their leave. I finally decided to get up. I cleaned out my tub from all the nasty smelly piss from out my tub.

I turned on the hot water and stepped in. I haven’t taken a bath in so long. I’m usually using the showers but tonight I needed a stress relief.

The burning sensation of the boiling water made me feel clean I guess.

I feel my head immersed into the water. I open my eyes to see the ceiling. Today I don’t know what it is. Usually if things like that happens I touch myself. Taking away from the sensation of feeling hurt or in pain. But I wasn’t feeling it.

When I do that it makes me sluggish so I’m gonna make the choice to make a different approach. A better approach.

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