#i am a lesbian but sometimes fictional men can get it so to say

[variousqueerthings]

the fun of having put out the "bj's moustache is gay culture" post while also headcanoning first and foremost that whatever bj is, it's not actually gay but something way funnier and more fucked up

#what im saying is that hawkeye is sometimes bj's wife but not in a gay way #it's the opposite in a way of how frank burns desires hawkeye carnally and is so mad about it being really gay #and that hawkeye is queer in a gender and a sexuality way that means he can slide into whatever mold someone else desires #and margaret is a transmasc who will give herself that crew cut when she's in her 60s #and everyone will mistake her for a lesbian but actually she's gay for men #but hawkeye can be a girl for her if he wants #bj and frank both represent the lie of the american dream but in different ways #(that is they both went to war on a promise about smthinsmthin american duty masculinity etc) #but while I'm absolutely on the frank is gay choo choo train #idk with bj it just seems a bit boring as a read to end it there imo #especially as it's generally agreed upon that his character was so broadly written #i prefer to play in that broadness personally but hey if u wanna tag that post as gay bj i get where that comes from #ilke yeah for sure the moustache is gay culture - 70s gay culture #also tbh to get serious for a sec it was very weird getting into the mash fandom while this whole thing was going on #and i think it kept me from getting totally into it from the first jump - lot of judgement on headcanons #lot of *this is all of fandoms opinion on xy thing and if you say something different you're wrong* #lot of treating headcanons and meta as serious discussion pieces rather than just... engaging with a piece of fiction #(this not about analysing outdated elements of the show am talking the character and not-so-serious meta) #all of this to say: pls dont be weird on this post they're called headcanons for a reason #it's 2pm and i am pulling an all-nighter to hit a deadline #we're feeling fragile gents

[alchemiclee]

if I had money, I would pay someone to rewrite heaven official's blessing, but lesbian. if I was rich, i'd pay someone to turn it into a whole manga

#words #i want strong beautiful hot woman hua cheng. i dont find him *that* interesting now tbh. but if he was hot girl.... #im still aroace i promise. i just appreciate pretty girl fhjdjjsksks #in general i find strong cool mysterious etc girl characters more appealing #and the whole story would be fun to see as lesbian. how would that play out hmmmm #imagine men flirt with girl xie lian and girl hua cheng just hot girls his way onto their throats #yeah im aroace but id want woman hua cheng to be my fictional gf. cool strong mysterious woman who can protect you #but is also a bit of a pathetic wet dog sometimes. why is hua cheng kinda boring to me but if you change his gender id love him 🤣 #i dont get it. i think its funny. where was i going with this???? i was goijg to say something else and went off track and now i forgot #anyway im still waiting for someone to turn the last book (i think thats all thats left?) into am audiobook #the one i was listening to isnt finished. the person hasnt uploaded any for like 5 months. the only other ones ive found are not finished #or they are read by ai robot goofle translate sounding voice and i cannot stand that shit lmao #its impossible to listen to. why would anyone do that. #i just want to finish it. let me finish it!!!!! i dont have the brain power to read it myself so i meed to listen

[writers-potion]

Hi, I am trying to write a homosexual book that takes place in the 20s. I am unsure where to start and how bad the 20s was for homosexuality so if you have any tips it would be appreciated. Thank you for reading.

Homosexuality in Historical Fiction

I'm going to answer this in two parts: (1) Tips for writing queer historical fiction, and (2) the 1920 gay culture.

Get Your Language Right

Vocabulary is key to capturing how homsexual people identified themselves and interacted with one another at the time. Consider:

The kind of language/code used at the time. For example, gay men in the 1950-60s would have spoken Polari to skirt UK’s strict anti-homosexuality laws. This might mean your characters say seemingly ridiculous things like, “Bona to vada your dolly old eek!” (good to see your nice face)

Authenticity vs. Sensitivity. We don’t need to perpetuate old slurs just because they were used “at the time”. Would the readers of today (your target audience) be accepting towards use of such language? 

Is it really necessary? Just like in the case of foreign languages and dialects, it may be better to just refer to the code/secret language being spoken rather than overdoing it in dialogue. Also, does your character identify themselves as a part of this community at all?

Balance Between Struggle and Hope

Often in historical LQBTQ+ fiction, if the conflict is badly written, the readers are just going to feel angry and frustrated. Because:

Even the likable, otherwise reasonable characters won't be able to accept homosexuality easily, often opposing it downright.

Homosexual characters may be confused, struggle with self-doubt and self-hatred (which can't be fun to read, obviously)

The norms of the time make any “resolution” rather disappointing (compared to modern times).

Your goal is to juggle between these strong negative emotions to convey the central message and let hope shine through. Linger too much on negativity and your novel will be dark, but treating these themes 'lightly' will make you sound shallow.

So, treat oppression just as you would write a physical antagonist. It's powerful and a possible life-threatening opposition to the Lead, but it has flaws, loopholes and needs time to regroup before it hits our Lead again with increased force.

+ General Tips

Beware of giving your characters hindsight. As a writer, we know what happened both before and after the time period the characters live through, but they don't! The characters not being able to predict what comes can be a good tragic element.

The word “homosexual” wasn’t coined until 1869, and didn’t become common parlance until the early 20th century. From at least the very early 17th till the mid-19th century, the most common term for women was “tribade,” referring to the act of tribadism (scissoring). Some people used the term “fricatrice.” In the 18th century, “lesbian” and “Sapphist” started to become more common terminology. Men were called sodomites and pederasts (a word which didn’t have the paedophilic connotation it does today). The word “homophile” was coined in 1924 and was most commonly used by gay men and lesbians in the 1950s and 1960s.

“Gay” didn’t take on the almost exclusive meaning of homosexual until the 1960s, and even then, it was still used in the old sense of “merry” more than a few times. Only in the 1970s did it finally emerge as the most popular, mainstream word.

Less suspicions were aroused by a lesbian couple living together for decades than a gay male couple. Many people assumed they were just two very close spinster friends, not that it was a Boston marriage. There were many more questions about why two men would want to live together.

To avoid the very real risk of jail, lobotomy, conversion “therapy,” or the loonybin, sometimes a gay and lesbian couple would enter a ménage à quatre. Though it appeared on the surface as though two straight couples lived in the same duplex or right next door, they were actually just lavender cover marriages. Some had children (through various means) and co-parented.

Photo booths were seen as a safe space where a same-sex couple could kiss, cuddle, and embrace without fear of arrest or public suspicion.

Some lesbian couples were able to adopt children as single women, in jurisdictions which permitted that. More daring couples underwent artificial insemination and then went abroad to give birth, coming home with “adopted babies.”

Similar to the handkerchief code in the BDSM community, some gay men signalled to one another with red neckties and green carnations. Parisienne lesbians signalled to one another with violets in their hair.

There’s a long history of gay bathhouses, dating back centuries. Since male homosexuality was illegal and severely punished, a bathhouse was among the few places it was safe to meet potential partners and engage in sexual activity. Even the very real fear of police raids didn’t deter patrons. Manhattan, Paris, and London were home to many famous (and luxurious) gay baths, but there were plenty of lesser-known ones in other cities.

While not everyone was lucky enough to have a lavender ménage à quatre, many people had individual lavender marriages. Sometimes the spouse knew s/he was serving as a cover, sometimes not.

There were also more “traditional” ménage à trois marriages, composed of the lavender couple plus the true same-sex partner all living together. Sometimes these arrangements were composed of a bisexual plus a partner of each sex.

People did NOT casually out themselves! They could only confide their secret to other confirmed friends of Dorothy and extremely radical allies who had proven they could be trusted and wouldn’t turn on them.

You don’t have to make your straight characters raging, violent homophobes, but it’s completely unrealistic and historically inaccurate to show them all immediately, unquestioningly, lovingly accepting their friends’ homosexuality if the secret comes out. They might agree to not let anyone else know, but the friendship would probably be over. Other people, a bit more open-minded, might eventually reconcile but never be able to completely shake the belief that their sexual orientation is unnatural, strange, or wrong. Some people might only come around after decades of estrangement and realising gays and lesbians are just like everyone else.

To avoid discovery, some lesbians called one another by male names in their letters. Some liked those nicknames so much they continued using them in real life.

1920 Gay Culture

The United States - The Roaring Twenties 

As the United States entered an era of unprecedented economic growth and prosperity in the years after World War I, cultural mores loosened and a new spirit of sexual freedom reigned.

Harlem’s famous drag balls were part of a flourishing, highly visible LGBTQ nightlife

"Pansy Craze”: gay, lesbian and transgender performers graced the stages of nightspots in cities

lesbian and gay characters were being featured in a slew of popular “pulp” novels, in songs and on Broadway stages (including the controversial 1926 play The Captive) and in Hollywood—at least prior to 1934, when the motion picture industry began enforcing censorship guidelines, known as the Hays Code. Heap cites Clara Bow’s 1932 film Call Her Savage, in which a short scene features a pair of “campy male entertainers” in a Greenwich Village-like nightspot. On the radio, songs including "Masculine Women, Feminine Men" and "Let’s All Be Fairies" were popular.

On a Friday night in February 1926, a crowd of some 1,500 packed the Renaissance Casino in New York City’s Harlem neighborhood for the 58th masquerade and civil ball of Hamilton Lodge.

Nearly half of those attending the event, reported the New York Age, appeared to be “men of the class generally known as ‘fairies,’ and many Bohemians from the Greenwich Village section who...in their gorgeous evening gowns, wigs and powdered faces were hard to distinguish from many of the women.”

The tradition of masquerade and civil balls, more commonly known as drag balls, had begun back in 1869 within Hamilton Lodge, a black fraternal organization in Harlem. By the mid-1920s, at the height of the Prohibition era, they were attracting as many as 7,000 people of various races and social classes—gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender and straight alike.

London - Balls and Adverts

Like other large cities at the time, London was home to many drag balls and nightclubs where the gay community could express themselves. 

"Lady Austin's Camp Boys" (1933): At a private ballroom in Holland Park Avenue, west London, 60 men were arrested in a police raid after undercover officers had watched them dancing, kissing and having sex in make-up and women's clothes. But despite facing a lengthy prison term and disgrace, the organiser, "Lady Austin", told officers: "There is nothing wrong [in who we are]. You call us nancies and bum boys but before long our cult will be allowed in the country."

Other gay men found partners through personal advertisements, which could be an equally risky strategy. 

In 1920 the publisher of a magazine called the Link and three gay subscribers were each sentenced to two years of hard labor on charges of indecency and conspiring to corrupt public morals.

Some adverts even appeared in the national press, such as the Daily Express, although they were not quite so blatant. People would ask for 'chums' of their own sex and offer to take people on holiday.

One man responding to an advert in the Link wrote that he was "very fond of artistic surroundings, beautiful colours in furniture and curtains, and softly shaded lamps and all those beautiful things which appeal to the refined tastes of an artistic mind". He added: "All my love is for my own sex", and wrote that he longed to give his love "in the most intimate way".

Gay adverts often had references to Edward Carpenter, Oscar Wilde and Walt Whitman, or would say 'I have an unusual temperament'.

Berlin - The Weimar Republic

The Weimar Republic, Germany’s first parliamentary democracy lasted from 1918 until 1933 and was a time of progressive cultural renaissance from cinema, theater and music, to sexual liberation and a flourishing LGBTQ scene.

Berlin was home to around 40 known queer bars, a number which had doubled by 1925. The cabaret bars and clubs like Eldorado were packed to the brim with lust, tassels, glitter and flamboyance.

Drag shows were the norm and stars like Marlene Dietrich (a Berlin-native) and Josephine Baker who were icons for the queer community, performed regularly in Berlin’s lavish halls.

Kiosks sold an array of well known queer publications like Die Hoffnung (The Hope), Blätter für Menschenrecht (Leaflets for Human Rights), Frauenliebe (Woman Love), and Das dritte Geschlecht (The Third Sex).

As homosexuality was still illegal, Berlin’s Tiergarten and other parks, Nollendorferplatz as well as train stations and the infamous octagonal public bathrooms

Underground spaces flourished.

Here's a list of books with an LGBTQ+ POV character, set at least partly in the 1920s:

Self-Made Boys: A Great Gatsby Remix

Dead Dead Girls (Harlem Renaissance Mystery, #1)

In the Field

The Lady Adventurers Club

Last Call at the Nightingale (Nightingale Mysteries, #1)

A Good Year

The Last Nude

The Sleeping Car Porter

Once a Rogue (Roaring Twenties Magic, #2)

Slippery Creatures (The Will Darling Adventures, #1)

Crazy Pavements

References

https://www.bbc.com/culture/article/20180212-polari-the-code-language-gay-men-used-to-survive

https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2004/jul/03/gayrights.world

https://www.history.com/news/gay-culture-roaring-twenties-prohibition

#writers block #writers and poets #writing #creative writing #writers on tumblr #creative writers #helping writers #poets and writers #writeblr #resources for writers #let's write #writerscommunity #writers #writer #write #female writers #writer things #how to write #author #write every day #write it #write anything #write up #write that down #writing advice #writing community #writing tips #writing inspiration #writing prompt #on writing

[utilitycaster]

In the end, it is misogyny but in the form of that Imogen (and most of the female cast, if we are being fair) gets reduced to just being a woman to the point that criticizing any real flaw, wrong doing, or "hey i personally maybe perhaps don't like that she did this" is turned into an attack on her because she is a woman, because after all, all women are perfect and so so dainty they must be protected (sarcasm)

Without mentioning the attacking real women in the name of the fictional one

It really is the "God forbid a woman do anything" but in it's worst form

Sorry for venting, been having thoughts about the fandom for the past 5 years

YUP. I do recommend Unlikeable Female Characters by Anna Bogutskaya which I devoured in like, one sitting over my winter break and posted a bunch of excerpts from but this discourse is extremely not limited to the CR fandom. I mean, think about all of the endlessly churning nonsense about the women of Gone Girl and Midsommar. I am going to see Love Lies Bleeding tomorrow and have steered well clear of really any discussion because I simply would like to see buff lesbians in a crime drama but apparently the discourse is rancid.

Of course there are people who assume ill of female characters while excusing men. That is absolutely a big problem. But again, we can barely talk about that. I recently made a post about how Laura is not a particularly chaotic player, and indeed is one of the most cautious players in actual play, and again I think there is a serious and important conversation to be had about how there's probably a reason why, say, Travis and Taliesin are more likely to make extremely bold moves, because they didn't get raked over the coals during C1 for stealing a cool broom from a guest character! I actually think Marisha has managed to hang on to some of her boldness and it makes her a stronger player but I would not have been surprised if she retreated after the hate she got from Keyleth. But yeah, in actual play, bold moves are pretty important. We can't even talk about how real-world misogyny holds back the actual actors without some moronic wretch being like "FIGURES THAT A MISOGYNIST CUNT LIKE YOU LIKES A MALE ACTOR."

When a character who is a man - or in some cases, characters who are not men but are played by men - does something people don't like we can say "wow, I didn't like this, but it was an interesting choice by the actor!" but we aren't allowed to either talk about the reasons why a real world woman might hesitate to play a character who does ugly things - because of the misogynistic backlash that will land specifically on her as a real person - nor can we compliment her for going for it and playing a complex flawed character, because how DARE you say a woman is anything less than some kind of Divine Feminine ideal. At best you're allowed a two-dimensional caricature of She's So Sweet And Good But Sometimes Gets Angry (this also happened to my friend Keyleth).

And this might reveal my own biases but like. I as a woman don't love being called self-centered, but that, personally, would probably lead me to some reflection. If you call me a girlfailure, even jokingly, I am going to break your nose. It's really telling that like...one of the absolute no-brainer "hey stop calling grown women girls" feminist tenets has gone by the wayside particularly with the set of people who think that meta that fails to put women on so high a pedestal they are untouchable is misogynist. They are awful towards women, fictional and real.

A line that always stuck with me from, bizarrely, a book about wordplay, was that Victorian men would treat women of their same classes as their superiors, but never their equals - they would coddle them and protect them but they wouldn't actually engage with their thoughts and foibles. (This happened to my friend Jester).

Anyway my personal solution is to keep going. On some level, as my previous post indicates, while I don't want the harassment it also only underscores my point, that a lot of these people are way more invested in being a dick to women on the internet than writing meta about the pretend women they think they like. I have to imagine they're doing this because either think they're entitled to meta they like from people who can actually fucking write it because god knows most of the people making this complaint have the most "if you can't dazzle them with brillance, blind them with the most purple-prose bullshit you can muster" attitude; or because they literally are just champing at the bit to attack women online with the ostensible veneer of "but it's FEMINIST to call THESE women cunts because they said my blorbo wasn't saintly and flawless." However, again, I know that I'm pretty bullheaded and forcibly unlearned the uh, patriarchal idea that women should not be confrontational. I do not blame people who look at this whole situation and say "I'm going to keep my thoughts to myself because this is so unpleasant."

#answered #Anonymous #i got a ghost message too that i only assume is for the same reason as my previous anon #and like. ngl. i'm THIS close to naming suspected names. like i have tried to keep quiet but *rashinna voice* can we take out the trash #i'd love to see more meta about imogen but again i don't blame the people who are like nope not worth it. #cr tag

[daydream-aroace]

I'm not aroace, so I don't want to be rude or anything, and I apologize if I end up being rude... But I am genuinely very curious...

If you're aroace and want neither a partner nor sex...

Why do you think of the dirtiest jokes?? How??

Is it boredom??? Curiousity??? A vivid imagination?????

I'm just absolutely puzzled by the fact the people who actively have said they do NOT want to fuck, are somehow the kinkiest???

Ooh! I appreciate this question! (Prepare for a long rant, lol.)

In my bio, I say I'm Aego/Ficto AroAce for context (so I generally only feel attraction to fictional characters and I can enjoy it in media, though I don't like being the object of sexualization). I'm also Apothi AroAce which is just repulsed AroAce (I'm repulsed by anything sexual or romantic in real life and cannot stand the thought).

I don't speak for all AroAces but this is just my explanation.

When in fiction you're okay with romantic pick-up lines, and dirty jokes, and all this content is shown all over the media, you tend to store it in your brain. And sometimes it's like bottling up your emotions so bad, but in this case dirty jokes and such, you can just unleash a whole load of things.

If it's the right setup and the right situation with the right backup, you can make something amazing. For example, I have an enemy of mine I call M for privacy. One day in class he exclaimed, "I'M A BICYCLE!" My immediate response? "So that means you want someone to ride you?"

It was the perfect setup, and I had so many jokes in my catalog that I can't miss out on using. Imagine having so many filing cabinets full of papers, just STUFFED (not intended...) to the brim, and whenever you get the chance? You can't help but use them.

And sometimes I tell dirty jokes by accident! For example, I was talking to a friend of mine (I don't exactly remember what it was about but it went something like this), "Blah blah blah, it was hard... Like me." And it was just out of nowhere, I didn't even intend it, it's like a muscle memory almost.

Boredom? Yes. You can spice up your life by doing the most dirty jokes ever. It's fun! It almost feels like you have no repercussions for doing so. You make fun of the fact that sex, relationships, and desires like that exist, and that's part of it.

It's also can be such a power move. M once said, "YOU'RE A MEANIE!" Making a sexualized pose, "No, I'M A BADDIE~"

Being AroAce just means you don't experience attraction in any way. Some AroAces do want romantic and/or sexual relationships, some like me don't, and some like me are okay with it in fiction/media but repulsed in real life, and so many examples I can't list because there are so many ways of being AroAce. Being AroAce is just not feeling sexual and romantic attraction and nothing more.

You can have a dirty mind, but it's not directed towards anyone, and that's being a dirty-minded AroAce. You can have a pure mind and be Allo, and that's being a pure-minded Allo. Saying your attraction is just that, attraction. Lesbians can make dirty jokes with men, are they attracted to them though? No. Gay men can make dirty jokes with women, does it mean they're attracted to them? No.

AroAces can make dirty jokes with Allo people, does it mean they experience attraction? No.

This experience is all subjective though. But this is how I feel about this topic (and I tried making it as objective as possible). I don't speak for all AroAce people though.

#aroace #asexual #aromantic asexual #aromantic #ace #aro #aspec #arospec #aromantism #asexuality

[zvtara-was-never-canon]

Why is Azula fandom so uncomfortable with idea of Azula being bisexual or heterosexual?

(Disclaimer: I am literally a bisexual woman, so if anyone complains I'm being "homophobic", I'm gonna punch them)

For a few reasons:

1 - The Avatar fandom in general has the bad habit of thinking their personal preferences are not just the only valid fanon content, they are the only valid interpretations of canon even when actively contradicting it. To the ones that already decided, for whatever reason, that Azula is a lesbian and is dating Ty Lee, Katara or whoever, pointing out that other people are allowed to disagree with that headcanon, and that there's zero chance Nickelodeon was genuinely hinting at a non-straight character existing in a kids show in 2005, is the same as saying they're not allowed to like that headcanon/ship anymore.

2 - Some lesbians relate to Azula to the point of hardcore projecting onto her, so they take someone pointing that she only ever canonically shows interest in boys makes them feel like their sexuality is being questioned. Because some of these people are also VERY biphobic, they also tend to get mad when "Bisexual Azula" is presented as her actually being bisexual instead of just having her prefer women and have a lot disdain for men/only having bad experiences in relationships with guys and thus only dating girls.

3 - Some people think that insisting an obviously straight fictional character is actually gay is the same as fighting for gay rights in real life.

4 - Radfems/TERFs unfortunatelly exist and their whole thing is "Women are inherently good while men are inherently evil, all on the base of gender", so they latched onto the tragic female villain that is messed up in the head because of her abusive father and decided to project their bullshit onto her to make her their "lesbian radical feminist icon" even though Azula's life canonically revolves around Ozai and ocasionally Zuko because, even though she loves her two female friends, she loves her male relatives A LOT more.

5 - Not everyone is as chill with incest ships as I am, and, like I said, the only two characters that are not related to Azula and that she actually has a meaningful relationship with are her two female friends, so they're the only logical shipping options, so Azula HAS to be into women for that to work.

6 - Her attempts of flirting with Chan were so bad and he is cringe himself, so some people thought she HAD to be a lesbian trying and failing to hide her true sexuality to screw up that badly AND go for a guy no girl in her right mind would like, but I can assure you: sometimes girls just have awful taste in men AND are social disasters.

#azula is not a lesbian #azula is straight

[frecklystars]

i think im a lesbian and thats been making me cry in the middle of the night every night for the last umm i dont know. week. couple of weeks maybe. i dont want to be a lesbian bc ive been bi for so long and i dont want another sexuality crisis. but at the same time the idea of being with a man makes me feel so fucking repulsed and i dont know if thats bc ive just had multiple experiences of a male friend making inappropriate comments toward me when i used to trust him OR if its bc i am genuinely realizing i have never. never. never. never. never had strong feelings for a man the way i do with a woman. like i saw a cute customer today who was a guy but i wouldnt date him. i thought he was cute but i wouldnt do anything about it, like if he asked me out i'd feel uncomfortable. but then i saw a blonde woman walk in and i thought to myself, god she's gorgeous and if she asked me out right now i'd say yes when and where!!

i only feel "i'd kiss him i'd date him i'd hold his hand" with fictional male characters and male celebrities. not real/obtainable people. would i still feel that way if they were physically in front of me? i think i would, i think if ken were in front of me calling me sweet girl i'd never feel repulsed. i think if a guy who looked and acted exactly like ryan gosling was in front of me asking me out i'd consider it maybe? but i know i feel genuine love for my F/Os. my feelings for them are 100% real and pure. i hear that could possibly be an aromantic thing, to be genuinely attracted to your F/Os but not real people. but i feel genuinely attracted to real women!! sometimes!! half the time!!! not ALL the time and i don't know if i'd be willing to be in a relationship bc i'm so detached to the idea of a relationship but like... the attraction is absolutely there to some degree and it seems to be that way strongly for women

and then i thought, ok well, bisexual means being attracted to two or more genders, right? and i'm attracted to (probably) anyone who isn't a man, though my strongest feelings are for women. but then someone else told me that the lesbian label would still include people who aren't strictly women, so?? like?? i'm just confused i was hoping lesbian meant "just women" so then i can tell myself "oh i cant be a lesbian then because i've felt attraction to nonbinary/genderfluid ppl as well who don't identify as women at all" but if the lesbian label includes that, then uh, maybe i'm? a lesbian?

but god i have felt so uncomfortable around a man who's been making me feel unsafe lately, and it's just making me wake up and realize i've never been genuinely wholeheartedly attracted to men, period. not once. i've had small fleeting little crushes but if that crush asked me out i'd say No Get The Fuck Away From Me. there was actually an instance where i had a small "crush"(?) on a male coworker when i was 18 years old for a few weeks, but then he asked me out, and i felt so disgusted and uncomfortable that i went to my car and cried. and then i had a crush on a nonbinary person years later and that felt. so. fucking good. that felt so whole and so real to me. and then i had a crush on a woman years after that and i would lie awake at night with the most pure beautiful feeling in my chest. and when they asked me out i didn't feel grossed out at all, i felt wonderful, i felt amazing, i was shaking because i was so happy

but i have never ever ever once felt that way with a man. and it makes me sad bc i spent so long calling myself bisexual but i dont think that fits me anymore and i dont think some of my family members would really love me anymore if i came out as a lesbian and i just. dont want to think about it too hard but its all i can think about. i dont want to label myself right now but i dont feel good if i dont have a label. like, i can stick with bisexual just for the sake of a label making me feel comfortable but i dont feel bisexual if that HAS to include men. does bisexual HAVE to include men, if youre a cis woman identifying as bi??? can me being bisexual be attraction ANYONE EXCEPT a man??? with just a very very very very strong preference for women????

i just wish my F/Os were real, i would just be with them and forget labels entirely and just get tf outta here. i know if my male fictional others were to come to life, it wouldnt repulse me. i've asked other lesbians "if YOUR male F/O was real and in front of you with a bouquet of flowers asking you out, would you date him" they have all said "no not at all, bc he isn't a woman. i am only attracted to him fictionally but if he were real i'd feel nothing". so like. i dunno. because if ken or plankton were real i'd feel everything.

im so sick of being here im so sick of men making inappropriate comments about my body when theyre supposed to be ppl that i trust and im so sick of wanting a girlfriend but not wanting a relationship, yearning for women but not wanting anything to do with actually dating somebody. exhausting. all of this is exhausting. am i aro am i a lesbian can i be bisexual i dont feel bisexual anymore i'm dragging that label's dead weight on my shoulders and i want to replace it i WANT a label but i dont know what my label is and im tired. i dont think my family members would accept me being a lesbian and that hurts. i tried telling my dad yesterday and he was like "no you don't know what you are, you don't have enough experience to know if you like men or not. i think you'll marry a man one day" no the idea of marriage repulses me too actually. im indifferent to sex, i dont want to get married, i dont want a relationship. but god i want a woman in my life who i can kiss and come home to and hold and ask her about her day and slow dance with in the living room. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. can barbie be real i just want to date barbie. she's human isn't she. c'mon barbie where are you girl you gotta come and rollerblade to my place so we can forget everything and be aromantic lesbians together

#vent #delete later #SORRY it is 8am i need to sleep but i cant sleep and i am spiraling a little bit ;-; #nobody has to feel obligated to read/respond i just needed to dump this somewhere!

[angelosearch]

Favorite's meme!

I've been tagged by @cynic-view-ahead and so I must!!

I am really bad at picking favorites so the addendum to all of this is that these are my favorites as of right now, all time favorites is a whole different ball game.

Favorite painter: I actually don't know many painters by name, but I do really like Jane Wilson. Her impressionist landscapes are so beautiful, atmospheric, airy, sometimes haunting. But also, I love that she is an American woman doing big landscapes because the wall-sized landscape paintings in the US have always been dominated by men and she subverts that.

Favorite poet/writer: This is such a big question but I'm just going to say Tamsyn Muir and be done with it. I love The Locked Tomb Series! If I was going to try and describe the series I would say... a murder mystery in a post-apocalyptic society involving swashbuckling Necromancer lesbians... in space.

Favorite band: Hmmm, even just narrowing this one to right now only is hard! I've been listening to The Last Dinner Party, Mother Mother, and Cavetown on repeat lately. I am seeing Cold War Kids on Wednesday and The Rocket Summer (I went SUPER HARD for this band in high school) on the 17th. ABBA and Death Cab for Cutie are on permanent rotation!!

Bonus: A fictional band that will be featured in an upcoming chapter of Chaos Theory - Wimbly Donner and the Soldiers. There's three sentences about this band in my fic and I have two pages of headcanon about them.

Favorite meal & drink: I am very mood/situation dependent on my food choices. I am not picky in the sense that there's food I won't eat, but the vibe has to right for every meal. There is only one thing I can eat under any circumstance or time of day and back-to-back and that is a huge bowl of popcorn. Specifically, popcorn stovetop-popped using canola oil and white kernels. I top it only with salt. It was the first thing I could cook for myself and the only thing I could have for dinner for a while so my brain has just adapted to crave it 24/7. I like it warm, burnt, even stale. My favorite drink to pair it with is a smooth iced Americano. That sounds weird but the bitterness of the coffee highlights the sweet and saltiness of the popcorn!

Favorite outfit aesthetic/style: My favorite outfit is my causal Squall outfit (the Squoutfit)! But my style usually consists of bright colors, sequins/shiny things (Cher-core), busy patterns, and tons of accessories. I like playing with layering and trying to make myself look taller. I am a bigger person who is not always on good terms with my body but ironically I really like wearing crop tops. I just can't expose my biceps.

Favorite singer: Today it is Xana. I am OBSESSED with the song "Better Kind of Best Friend." Normally I do not listen to songs on a constant repeat but I'm probably pushing on listening to this one 30 times in the last 12 hours.

Favorite item you own: You mean other than my copy of Final Fantasy VIII? Hmm, it's a tough one. I just got a hot dog bookmark. And someone else gave me a glasses-cleaning cloth that looks like a hot dog. And then there is my hot dog sculpture. Probably one of those perfectly normal things to own.

Favorite perfume: I don't really do perfume these days because my husband is allergic but I have this mint and cinnamon soap that I absolutely adore. When it comes to fragrances, I generally like notes of lemon balm, flowers, cedar wood, rosemary, or vanilla, but I am very picky about how these scents are presented.

Tagging people I didn't get in my other tag game this evening: @gardengalwrites @redfoxline @sevlinop @thewillroar @mathiwrites

#tag game #favorites

[bengiyo]

The Warp Effect Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Happy New Year! It feels significant that our first show of the year should be from Jojo.

Last week, Jean was experiencing painful cramps and Kat suggested she go see Alex because he is considered to be a very good gynecologist. Because Alex knows nothing, we and he received a lesson on proper procedure for a pelvic inspection. Jean panicked as she thought about the last time she was this vulnerable with Alex and fled the office.

Elsewhere, Alex has reunited with his high school friends, Ew, and Nim. Ew is into puppy play, but it seems his girlfriend is not. Nim is seeing another woman, whose name I don't know yet, who wants to have a baby. Foreshadowing says Nim is going to carry that baby.

Also, we watched Army get head in a car, which is significant because anal requires too much planning for some of the spontaneous sex BL likes to use.

I like present-day Army. He sees Jean running from Alex and knows it's definitely his fault, and then immediately vents how frustrated he is with Alex, too.

Wow, I think this is the first time I've seen a Thai drama, of any sort, voice the opinion some of us have that gays and straights cannot be friends. (I don't personally believe this, but I completely understand where it comes from).

Army is also right to feel like Alex is being hypocritical when his current reputation is one of a player.

Nim's girlfriend is Bew, and she's got big dreams. I love lesbians. Excited to see Nim come to grips with carrying a child.

I think Sing is perfectly cast for Eiw. You need someone who can seem a little silly, and also who can be extremely heartfelt. His hurt at his own friends calling him abnormal hit perfectly.

Oh no, Army. Please vet this boy. Don't have sex with someone underage.

Jojo said, "It's 2023. We all vers now."

Nothing but praise for this rejection scene. Love that Army had to say no more than three times, and held firm despite his own arousal. I'm sure this boy is going to cause more problems later, but super glad Army is sensible.

That's right, babies! The laws about age of consent are designed to protect both parties! Don't endanger yourself or others by lying about your age!!

Sincerely, I don't think Joe overreacted here. Given Army's reputation and his apparent personal experience, it is the right response to protect your student when you see signs of danger. If Joe is also queer, this is especially important.

Why are fictional lesbians consistently so demanding when they want a close friend to be their donor? I'm not complaining, but it's very specific. Also, poor Eiw being rejected out of hand as a donor.

Okay, Mollie! They have also figured out some things in the last ten years.

I'm still not sold on Joong, but Fah is good with almost any scene partners.

Yes, Mollie! You better crush this role!!

Love Mollie's and Jean's integrity.

I'm so nervous about these cramps for Jean. They serve as a convenient plot device to force Alex and Jean back together, but I'm also worried about her health and the health of women like her.

Ice is correct to call his friend out about being rude to Kim. She doesn't need to reveal the interior aspects of their sex life to their friends to sate their curiosity.

They're not backing down in this show. Now we're discussing men's sexual health and the dysmorphia about penis size.

This scene between Ice and Kim is important. It's important to understand that people want different outcomes from sex sometimes, and that the opinion that most matters regarding sex is that of your partner. Ice does not need to worry about what his friends think, because he's got a partner who wants him in Kim.

Raw?? IN THIS ECONOMY???

Okay. I am glad they showed Army reflecting back to a time with Joe while masturbating in the shower, but did they really have to make him run his hands through his hair IMMEDIATELY afterwards??

Cannot overstate how relieved I am that this show is going out of its way to show that Jean and Kat do not have any beef with each other.

I don't think it's smart of Army to go looking for Joe on a school campus. He clearly has sexual intentions, and they should not do anything at a school. The risks are too high.

Love that this isn't BL, so Joe is just closeted for professional reasons, and also pissed at Army for the unknown infraction.

Again, it's like Jojo has been listening to our complaints about spontaneous gay sex. Making out and jerking with clothes on in a locker room is the exact kind of thing gays would do. Army jerking Joe off and begging him to forgive him might top end of the year lists and it's only the second day of the year!

Still, I'm glad a student showed up looking for Joe. Let's not forget that it is a terrible idea to do this at a school.

Fluke Pusit... I see you, sir. Good job.

#the warp effect #thai drama #Ben watches

[docholligay]

Lone Women

Non-spoilery: I wanted to like this, and the blurb made me think I really would, but boy is this book equal parts mind-boggling, boring, and pandering. It makes PERFECT sense to me that most people who have read this got a free copy or a Book of the Month copy.

Spoilery:

OY and also GEVALT. Jesus herschel Christ, okay so, first of all this book is a textbook example of what I’m talking about when i say sometimes representative fiction and media risks becoming a Pokemon ‘gotta catch em all’ situation. The story centers around a Black woman, Adelaide, which is fantastic and absolutely relevant to the story given that Montana was very “sure fine whatever” about giving Black homesteaders land. But then, it just...keeps adding up. Another Black woman and a Chinese woman who are also lesbians, obviously, and lesbianing together join up with Adelaide and her new friend, a single mother with a young trans son that she is 100% accepting of. This is in a 250ish page book, and at a certain point you just start sighing because it’s this author is just ticking stuff off a list at this point. This would be very doable in a longer book or maybe a better written one, but this is a piece of genre fiction par excellence, and none of that is on offer here, so you end up just trying to figure out how he’s gonna shoehorn in another minority. Because none of these minorities have problems with each other, by the way. Obviously. There is no such thing as inter-minority oppression and hatred, there is “majority” and “minority” and the white straight people who are the villains are truly mustache twirling in a way that is damn near hilarious. I think that actually identifies a big problem: None of these characters feel like people. I was sitting here thinking about having read and interacted with MANY other properties that play the ‘gotta catch em all’ game, and as a person who can often be included in ‘em all’ I am often not bothered, but the issue here is none of them FEEL like more than the Minority Experience he has highlighted for each of them. The villains have no internal life. Everyone is the flattest possible version of what a person can be.

That’s all very truly annoying, but I think I could forgive it if the horror was good. I have forgiven MUCH MUCH bigger sins in other books because the horror was enjoyable. Please don’t let the above make you think I am discerning in my horror tastes.

But oh my god. what the fuck.

The whole story centers around Adelaide having this secret she keeps locked up in a trunk with her. It’s heavy and burdensome, but she MUST carry it with her. It contains a murderous thing, a thing that killed her parents, and she dreams of being free of it. It nearly kills a man she falls in love with, and he goes away. Sounds great, right? Me sitting here wondering what I think this whole thing could be a metaphor for, for generational trauma or what have you. When it killed some mean white people I thought maybe it was a metaphor for Black anger. It’s a faceless monster described only in terms of its sharpness and its lust for men and horses (which did throw my theory about black anger out the window.)

But, at the end, it turns out the thing she’s been carrying around was born at the same time as she was and is, I shit you not, a literal dragon. Lavalle has intentionally avoided ever calling it a dragon throughout the book, I suppose because he thinks this twist is exceptionally clever. The dragon is Adelaide’s sister, and the secret is for her to learn to love her sister and also after they beat the bad guys--where, it must be said, they attempt to hang the lone women on the stage of a grand opera house-- everyone goes and lives in a secret town for “lone women” where everyone gets to be happy.

I read that, reread it, and quietly uttered “What the fuck”

I would be much angrier about it if I were a slow reader, but I’m not, so I don’t care. Read this if you’d like to read a book that feels like a bold attempt to cash in on people’s desire for representation in stories that also understands very very little about racial and social politics in the American West, which unfortunately I know a lot of, and also the big twist is SHE IS CARRYING AROUND A LITERAL DRAGON WHO IS ONLY DANGEROUS BECAUSE IT DOESN’T GET LOVE.

#doc reads

[enbyleighlines]

Super touchy subject buuuut…

I’m unsure if this is a recent trend or I’m just getting exposed to it now, but I’m kinda sad about how much people are dumping on the “fantasy racism” trope.

Like I know the trope has problems but I also believe that it still has value.

The main arguments are that, 1. It usually doesn’t do a good job of portraying IRL racism due to the oppressed group usually being animalist, possessing superpowers, or overall just being a complete different species (think the x-men or zootopia), and 2. What’s the point of including racism in a fantasy story if you don’t have to?

And I’m not going to argue with the first point because it’s completely valid. It IS incredibly problematic.

The second point assumes that all fantasy stories are meant to be escapist fiction, which I disagree with. Fantasy stories can be escapist, but they don’t HAVE to be. Personally, my favorite fantasy stories involve forbidden gay or lesbian romances set in medieval-inspired times. For me, the appeal is that it feels familiar, yet removed enough from my life that the sympathy pain I feel is cathartic rather than overwhelming. Different stories appeal to different people for different reasons.

And again, I believe that, despite the inherent problematic nature of the fantasy racism trope, it still has value.

I am currently reading the first of a trilogy called The Broken Earth by N. K. Jemisin, and oh boy. The fantasy racism isn’t just a feature of the series; it’s the core theme. The oppressed group, called the oregenes, have the terrifying ability to manipulate thermal and kinetic energy in order to cause seismic events. They have this power from birth, and have to learn to control it at a young age, lest they slaughter people by complete accident. As such, they are treated in such horrific ways that I constantly find myself nauseated by reading the book.

They are even called by a slur, which despite being a complete made-up word, I find myself hesitant to type, because it is a clear reference to the n-word.

Is this a problematic use of fantasy racism? You can make the argument that, yes, because the people of the world have a legitimate reason to fear and oppress the oregenes. All stereotypes about certain ethnic groups being more dangerous or more prone to commit crimes are complete nonsense. But I feel like it makes the message even more abundant: Even if all the stereotypes are true, even if a group of people do pose a higher theoretical threat, that STILL doesn’t justify oppression.

Plus, isn’t it also a bit of a power fantasy? Isn’t that why so many queer folks are monsterfuckers? Don’t we see ourselves in the monster?

And yes, some people find empowerment in saying, “no, I am not a monster.” But some other people find empowerment in saying “so what if I am a monster? Am I not still deserving of love, respect, and humanity?”

I think we need to take a more nuanced approach. Fantasy racism works best, in my opinion, when it isn’t a one-to-one comparison to any one minority group. Rather, it works best when it functions as a theoretical thought experiment on the nature of prejudice as a whole. Yes, the oppressed group in a story might be a different species, with a completely different biology, but instead of thinking of it in terms of “real life racial/ethnic groups are all part of the same species, and therefore this portrayal of racism is irredeemably flawed,” we can ask questions like, “how does this explore how different groups might have opposing needs? What problems arise and what solutions can be found?”

It may be exaggerated, and it may not always line up with real life situations, but it’s still a valuable exercise on the nature of prejudice.

Sometimes, stripping abstract themes from their real-world contexts allows us to look at them with fresh eyes, to deepen our understanding while keeping that protective barrier of fantasy in place.

#long post #fantasy racism #i feel like maybe I’m setting myself up to be harassed #the broken earth trilogy #n k jemisin

[ladyblueberrymuffin]

Media literacy doesn't just mean "I can enjoy a problematic thing in fiction that I know would be bad in real life". Media literacy also means you can pick up when a non-racist writer writes a character as racist to make a statement, and when it's just the writer's own racism slipping in. Hell, sometimes it's very complicated, sometimes a writer criticizes racism while also having their own internal biases slip in (The way B'lana Torres is written on Star Trek Voyager makes my blood boil, it's like the writers are criticising her for her internalized racism while also validating her, it feels like a biracial person written by a white writer. They wanted to talk about internalized racism, but it feels like they didn't realize just how over the top racist they made B'lana. If she was talking about any real life race and not Klingons, you'd be horrified).

Stories reflect the people who made them. Which makes them hard to evaluate because people can be full of contradictions. A sexist guy can criticize a more blatantly sexist guy, hell, he can use the fact that the other guy is more sexist to convince himself, and you, that he himself isn't.

"How can the MCU be military propaganda, it shows military characters as villains". IT CAN BE. Blaming the problems with the military on pantho villains, individuals, bad eggs, shifts the blame away from the system. It's Illumination's Lorax with O'Haire. "I can never be this guy, he's evil, and I'm not, so I am not doing anything bad by supporting capitalism."

And here's the piece of advice that helped me: You can be wrong, and that's okay. It's a learning experience. You don't have to get it on the first try. And you can still enjoy stuff like MCU, the reason we're saying this stuff is not to forbid anything or call for a boycott (except for a few extreme examples where the money goes directly to evil organizations and we have more control over it), but to make sure that if you watch it, you don't fall for their traps. And if any of this stuff makes you not enjoy it anymore... is that a bad thing? It means your tastes have changed, you are now free to explore other things. It doesn't mean someone ruined a work of media for you, it means you grew as a person, and the stuff that's been in there always is no longer acceptable to you.

And this can be wrong too, you can grow further and come back to it, and recognize the bad elements, but still enjoy the good, or you can never come back to it, and ahift to other things that you enjoy even more, than you might have never discovered, because you devoted yourself to that one thing.

We are changing constantly, constantly learning, but being on the lookout for problematic things is helpful when evaluating media. Sometimes it can go too far, but that's also part of the learning experience for many people, they mellow out with time.

And lastly... stuff like Sokka being made not-sexist and removing lines from Ursula's songs shouldn't be blamed on consumers, on "Tumblr kids with no media literacy", or even on idiots on he internet who grasp at straws to prove modern media is racist or sexist in some silly attempt to make progressives out to be hypocrites (Like those people who jumped through hoops to make She-r out to be homophobic for making a lesbian a villain). This is shifting the blame away from the system, that doesn't listen to us as much as we would like to believe it does. It should be blamed on the fact that these projects are still written by white male writers, who know they're not part of the minorities they represent, so they try to be as unproblematic as they can be in fear of getting judged, when the solution would be more women in the writers room, and more research, and those men actually being allies and consuming media made by women. Because then, you actually get stuff like She-ra, where lesbians aren't these unproblematic, sterilized perfect beans, but actual human beings, with problems, and flaws, and corruption arcs, and redemption arcs and just... good stuff!

Lastly, you don't fucking need permission to write your fanfiction where the guy is kinda sexist, and it's enemies to lovers and it's hot. By all means, be in control of your narrative, clap back, but don't be afraid to tell your story from your perspective. No matter how hard you try to educate people, there will be idiots who hate you for what you're doing, so we will have to find other ways to deal with that. I say we, because I am struggling with it too.

We're constantly learning.

#writers #booklr #writeblr #media literacy

[byrhop]

What I think stranger things characters’ sexualities and mindset would be if they lived in 2022

ofc this is valid for the 80s’ just not expressed

just to mention this is my opinion, they are fictional characters and if something isn’t canon already, everyone is allowed to have a headcanon

lets start with the one and only:

Will Byers

he would be THRIVING, living his best life, comfortably and openly being gay. Will is one of those ppl who understood that he is not attracted to the opposite gender from a very early age. Joyce would be supportive and Jonathan even more, and he probably wouldn’t even need a big coming out because it’s just a normal thing in his household and everyone is just kinda aware already. i think he would be fully out to his friends and family already in like middle school. now im sad he deserves this so damn much.

Robin Buckley

similar like will, she would be open about her sexuality very early on, but i feel like she’d go full lesbian during that 2020 era when everyone just started hopping on the imma let ppl know im gay and i don’t give a shit trend. she’d cut her own hair and make bangs during quarantine. in 2022 she would just be fully open with everyone about being a lesbian and that would be known from the very beginning of getting to know new ppl, you either accept me or i don’t want anything to do with u vibe.

Mike Wheeler

it’s always hard for me to decide if i think mike is gay or bi. after a lot of thinking i would maybe go with bisexual but with a high preference for men. i feel like mike would have a typical case of: i had a crush on a girl in middle school but now i came to high school and am crushing on a boy, but am i just doing this for attention, im not sure, but i do like him but what if i don’t -> very confused, tons of gay quizzes… but then he’d have a heart to heart moment with will and fall madly in love with him and will would help him understand his sexuality better and then he would fully accept himself and be happy.

Eddie Munson

okay i would say this legend is pan, but eddie gives me the vibe of someone who just doesn’t care about labels. his attitude is like “whatever happens happens, we’ll see where the future leads me” he just doesn’t think or stress about it. he would definitely hang out with the gays and shit on the painfully straight and boring ppl.

Lucas and Dustin

in my opinion they are both straight. i know there are quite a few ppl who are going to disagree with me, especially about lucas and that’s okay. idk for me i just don’t get the feeling and i feel like internet sometimes forgets this these days but being straight is also okay and if dustin and lucas are straight, they are definitely big allies. you say anything against lgbtq+ near them and u are dead.

Max Mayfield

literal bisexual icon. i feel like she would be the protector of the rest of the gays of the group. she isn’t scared of expressing her sexuality and if anyone tries to say anything bad about her or her friends, she’ll scare them shitless and they would never dare to say anything bad ever again. she always had more of a masculine vibe but can fully pull of fem is she feels like it. basically not much different than in the show just she kisses girls. she doesn’t go around pointing out that she’s bisexual but she doesn’t hide it, she’ll just randomly mention it in a convo one day and make sure that a person knows that there is no option to not be accepting.

Steve Harrington

he def started questioning his sexuality in his 20s. in high school he was one of the straight boys but as he grew up and changed friends he started realizing that liking guys was a possibility and he wouldn’t get judged for it. when he started thinking about it and exploring he realized he liked guys as well. bestie hooked up with a few dudes and is totally chill about it. i feel like he also wouldn’t really care about labels, but i would say bisexual.

Eleven Hopper

honesty i’m not sure. i feel like after all these years we still know very little about el, and so does she. i think first she needs to find herself, things that she loves and finding out her sexuality is part of that journey. in the end she’ll be happy and comfortable with her sexuality. can i see her dating a girl? totally.

Nancy Wheeler

similar like her brother, i think she’s a bisexual with a preference for men. She totally had a girlfriend at one point and u can’t tell me otherwise. that’s it, idk what else to say.

Jonathan Byers

bestie is straight, but goes to pride every year as an ally to support his brother.

#mike wheeler #will byers #byler #stranger things #eleven #nancy wheeler #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #eddie munson #steve harrington #robin buckley #jonathan byers #max mayfield #lgbtq characters #lgbtq

[the-sappho-of-lesbos]

Have you ever considered that in your extreme desire to be into men you might actually be into men as well as women? Idk it’s not shameful or anything. A lot of women like men. A fair deal of em like women. Some even like both.

I am just some dude that saw this but I have never once in my storied life seen a lesbian hate being a lesbian so much while also running a blog that shows so much women-inclined imagery. You need to step away from the keyboard and figure yourself out because you’re the most confounded lesbian I’ve ever met.

I appreciate you taking the time to write this and reach out with advice, that was super kind of you! And I can see how you would have reached that conclusion.

But I’m pretty certain in my lesbianism. I wouldn’t have a problem if I discovered I was bisexual - but I’m like 100% certain that’s not going to happen.

In terms of my internalised homophobia, I just genuinely have a lot of trauma surrounding my sexuality and because of things that have happened to me from it I have been diagnosed with PTSD. So it’s hard sometimes when something that is my personhood is also something that’s triggering for me , because I can’t really remove myself from that situation. And seeing the lives that those straight people around me get to experience can make me feel very envious at times. Not to be too TMI but I feel like this is an important thing to say, after recently having sex for the first time I can say for sure I am extremely sexually attracted to women and would be sick at the thought of doing that with a man - not because I hate men but because I’m just not attracted to them. Me having a breakdown and mental health spiral after those events doesn’t really detract from that I don’t think, because it came from a place of internalised homophobia and PTSD.

And OCD can be really confusing for some people, so I don’t fault you at all if you didn’t understand what I meant by that. And I won’t go into super great detail because it might upset me, but essentially it involves me getting a lot of intrusive thoughts and doubts on things that hold no logic or value to my life and make me fear and question myself and doubt my own understanding of who I am. And I find that very distressing at times. So putting all that together I’m not SURPRISED I am having the reaction I am (especially given it’s this time of year too and it’s my most common time for ending up at a mental health inpatient program at hospitals).

So I’m definitely a lesbian. And there are times I do feel a lot of pride and self acceptance around it. And I enjoy sharing parts of our history and reading fiction about it and engaging with others like me. But there are also times where my mind is rather mean to me, and makes having those good feelings really hard and confusing.

In all honesty , and I truly mean no disrespect when I say this, I think these feelings are ones that might only make sense to other gay people, because it’s a very specific set of circumstances that leads us here. So it’s okay if you don’t understand it. But thank you again so much for popping in, I hope you have a nice day ☺️💫

#asks #anon #answered #I’m not angry or anything so I hope it didn’t come across that way #minors dni #minors dni please #tw ocd #tw internalised homophobia

[wulvert]

SHE'S SO ELEGANT,,,PICTURE PERFECT GRACE. THROWING UP GARLIC BREAD LIKE A CAT HACKING UP A HAIRBALL. she looked so comfy in that one panel being held (🏳️‍🌈) i think thats her peak. i wana be as sleepy as her,,,snnnnzzzz

ALSO IM LOOKING THROUGH THE COMMENTS TO SEE IF I MISSED ANY DETAILS. WHY DO SO MANY PEOPLE THINK AVERY IS A MAN. ITS BEEN 53 PAGES????? I LOVE ROTATING GENDER CODED AVERY IN MY BRAIN AS A SILLY SELF-PROJECTION HEADCANON BUT THIS IS BEYOND ME. WHAT DO THEY NEED TO MAKE IT CLICK. "HI ITS ME, AVERY, WOMAN FROM HIT LESBIAN (NOT HETEROSEXUAL) VAMPIRE SERIES PAPERTEETH"??? theres somethign deepr 2 be said about this tht pisses me off nd im too tired to express it correctly. im goign insane sorry. anyways

scarlet's t-rex hands at the end mean so much 2 me!! thnak u,,,i have seen them in ur comics before nd they r so important as someone who does them 24/7. this may also sound weird but i like the extra detail u put into the legs. i do NOT mean this in a strange way oh god. um. u get it i hope.

awesoke page in general im gnna eat it.!!!

literally so sleepy and is held. sure she passed out from fear but thats irrelevant now bc shes unconscious I want to be that cozybut i dont think i ever will be

yeah! uptick of ppl who think shes a man this page- Ig it got featured on a banner again the other day so a few new ppl probs skim read past the part where shes outright referred to as a woman idk. I think the reason it bothers me a bit is bc avery is a character im rly overly attached to bc shes pretty pathetic like me and shes the same flavour of girl as me, which i dont rly relate 2 a lot of fictional women as someone whos kind of a struggle, so its like nice to make them for myself i guess? idk having her makes me feel better. is that a comfort character. i dont know. i care her.- so i feel like ive failed a little when ppl just look at her and go oh, this character is clearly intended by the author to be a man.

I cant rly b mad at ppl who honestly just dont realise though, I'll admit i commit the crime of mistaking cartoon men for cartoon women sometimes- I am a little mad at ppl who say things like its hard to believe shes a girl when they find out .like. shes a vampire. you can suspend ur disbelief far enough to believe shes a vampire. but not enough to believe shes a girl... interesting ...hm ....funny how that works anonymous webtoon commenter.......................

TL;DR: Averys my bbg and im too attached to her.

& no of course! i like giving characters raptor hands, I am for serious when i said i injected the autism myself. & ITSNOT WEIRD DW i like drawing legs even if i make them far too long.

&thank you!!

#asks #avery is vry self projectable onto

[sexybabystevie]

✨ So in (positive) response to your lesbian label & liking fictional men post- That’s way more than okay!!! I mean, how many times do straight people say there’s one person they’d go gay for? Sexuality & Romance are all super fluid, like a sea. You can have a pink sea with just a couple food dye drops of blue if you want ☺️ It doesn’t detract from how you identify at all! It’d still be a pink sea! Even though I’m asexual, I find that I like ladies more in real life and men in fiction (but that might be cause theres tons more men lol, and the ones I like tend to be written by women even) But I’m still ace, no matter what anyone else believes. So if you say you’re a lesbian, then I’m the supporting “Let’s go lesbians!!!” fan from behind :)

thank you so, so, so much 😭 i truly cannot explain how much i needed to hear this. for years i've flip flopped between a few different labels, bi and lesbian being some of them, and every time i identified as a lesbian before i just felt like i was lying to myself or to others because i thought maybe one day i would find a guy that i would like. but there are just so many instances where i COULD have been with guys, i could have pursued them or more, but i never did because something always made me feel off and sick about it in a way i can't really explain.

the thing now is that i don't think i could see myself with a guy at all. and yeah, maybe that will change, but i just really do not feel or get what other people who are into guys feel about them. i've only ever fixated on fictional men and sometimes actors, but it's always unattainable and also i really do sincerely think that that wouldn't make me bi, because i'm at a point where calling myself bi doesn't feel right because of all of this.

i don't know, lol. girls are always just easier and can only ever imagine myself with a guy if it's for the purpose of others (as in like societal norms). and i do think a huge part of me being so confused is that i just wanted to be with a guy, even if it didn't feel right to me, because it would be so much easier than being who i really am. it was always just the idea of it rather than my reality, i think.

anyway, sorry if i rambled a lot because i absolutely did not intend on that lol, but i am so incredibly grateful to you and i thank you a lot for sending this in!! <33 i'm sticking with the lesbian label for now and seeing how things go :))

#em speaks #✨ anon #asks #dear anons #<3333