#i feel in a different reality

[uncanny-tranny]

The hardest, but most important, part of my transition has been untangling what my personal dysphoria is, and what is more a result of cissexism.

What I mean by this is that I learned that I am not dysphoric about certain aspects of myself, my body, and my life, but my discomfort in these aspects was influenced by the cissexist culture I live in which told me I couldn't exist as myself.

It's definitely a slow process, but I have found that it helps me self-actualize and actually see myself instead of what others demand of me.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #dysphoria #and what makes this really tricky is that often it isn't clear-cut as to what makes you dysphoric... #...versus what makes you uncomfortable due to your culture or environment... #...i still experience dysphoria but now i find that my motivation isn't to please the people around me... #...if i truly wanted to please the people around me then i would cease to exist altogether... #...and once i truly recognized that and came to terms with this reality i stopped feeling like i owed the world everything... #...i stopped feeling so disconnected with myself... #...i don't think this will be useful for everybody but i want to offer a different approach to it... #...by no means do i think that this is a 'cure-all' in fact it's not even close... #...because what i found that this has done is bring me *closer* to my trans body and my trans soul... #...i have found that my dysphoria has narrowed (especially since going on testosterone) and i feel more at peace

[ruporas]

feast (ID in alt)

#vashwood #vash the stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #trigun #trigun maximum #tw blood #im posting this so late because october escaped me Suddenly.. hello.... #i wanted to make it a photoset with this other vampire vw wip but i don't think i'm finishing it any time soon and the mood of it is #completely different anyway. also i don't think i ever shared anything about my vampire au on here !!! it's all old art by now so im shy lo #but maybe i'll do a photodump of it. long story short vash is a vampire since birth and ww is a human vampire hunter that turns during thei #travels together due to EoM experiments + getting vash to drink from him at some point. #humans turn once they get bitten but bc ww has been experimented on #& got bitten by a bunch of human turned vampires thruout his hunts he thought it wouldn't be a problem for vash to drink from him but alas. #theyre both ok though theyre traveling together definitely not hating themselves for what theyve become and feeling guilty for what theyve #done to each other. theyre completely normal about it. the biting part is really appealing to me in vampire aus so i draw it a lot but #in reality vash only drank from ww once and ww mightve done it twice under the realization he might actually die otherwise #since he wont drink from humans after being turned.... he's combatting the 5 stages of grief at all times #if this is all nonsense im sorry DMGKSDF I'M NOT good at explaining and this au came from nowhere in the depths of my mind its a mess #ruporas art

[autoraton]

same as it never was.

#variant + wip under the cut! #back to the future #bttf #marty mcfly #fanart #my art #illustration #having big lone pines timeline feelings. can you tell #tfw when you're you but you're not You. #you're not the You they know and you're not the You they grew up with or raised and you're not the You who belongs here #tfw everything is better but nothing is right #but if you're the only one who knows any different #then is it really everything else that's the problem? #tfw you overwrite your entire reality but in doing so you created a world you don't and can never belong in #tfw you alone remember a childhood that never existed because you destroyed it #tfw you technically committed temporal genocide but your mom needs you to make space on the table for the turkey #as you can see i am normal about marty mcfly

[catboy-quackity]

Real girls(boy) sleep to sneegsnaag's criminology analysis

#i literally had such a long nap as well #i feel in a different reality

[julijbee]

girlbossing too close to the sun.

#art #ive literally just been treating this game as a library simuator #i walk from bookseller to bookseller opening up all of their books #vivecs sermons are either a highlight or the point at which i stop reading #ive been trying to convince the ordinators that imitation is the highest form of flattery but it hasnt been working #let me wear your helmets please theyre so funny.. #posting morrowind in 2024 isnt a cry for help but youre not wrong to be concerned. #morrowind #almalexia #vivec #im going to explain the chitin armor give me a moment #so the bonewalker nerevar on the shrines is adorable and it was only after drawing it however many times that i realized #it looked relatively close to a modified chitin armor #and so i modified chitin armor a few times and this was probably the cutest result #i also know i drew almalexia relatively pristine and untouched by years and vivec not so much but my thought process was #vivecs role as if not a favorite then the most accessible divine or the most “hands on” in a manner of speaking #acting in ways visible to the general population or actions explicitly brought to their attention #like not that almalexia isnt doing anything she is #but the dissemination of information regarding that is very different etc etc etc #anyways to a certain extent a god is the face on a shrine or in art or upon a statue or carving #but vivecs presence is interwoven with the geography of vvardenfell especially and his actions and writings with pubished materials #and the arts and culture and customs etc etc etc #so to me the face of a god you know and feel a commonality with or a god that walks alongside you is a face you would recognize #and vivec is already otherworldly looking enough #the simple mark of the years on his skin in some way grounding him in reality felt more right #that and i think the ways in which he and almalexia care about outward appearance are slightly different- they prioritize different things #and the ways they present outward power and their embodiment of their respective attributes share some similarities as they both have that #important preoccupation with physical power and physical strength to a certain degree #oh my god nobody read this i am yapping so bad. #tes

[egophiliac]

HAVE YOU SEEN MALLEUS DORM UNIFORM CARD????

I didn't get him. :( ...so I looked up his dorm story and it is incredible, oh my god. if you haven't noticed by now, Malleus doing the absolute stupidest shit with the best intentions is my favorite, and this is pandering directly to that part of me. I can't pick a favorite part.

(wait, actually, yes I can)

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #also containing copious amounts of my second-favorite thing which is malleus vs technology #i can't believe it's literally canon that malleus 1) does not attend meetings because he can't figure out how to open his email #and 2) therefore GUESSES when and where the meeting is and will just. sit in the fucking library for two hours wondering where everyone is. #mal. honey. you can be all '~fae and humans have such different senses of reality~' #but i think you might just be a doofus. #also canon: malleus powerwashes his phone and then is like 'i didn't do anything it just broke' #and don't forget my THIRD-favorite thing which is malleus trying very hard to be a good host and being extremely bad at it #this story really has it all huh #everyone's super mad and screaming at him and he's just like 'feel free to have some cake } :)' #yep. definitely a doofus.

[lgbtlunaverse]

Most annoying NMJ or JC take is when someone that dislikes them is like "oh you're a fan of him? *scoff* Well obviously you've only seen cql, where he was super watered down. In the novel he's a dislikable asshole and that's the objectively superior canon I'm working from instead of your woobified fanfic." Meanwhile your main canon is novel canon and you genuinely find novel Jiang Cheng and Nie Mingjue complex sympathetic characters.

#complaining and whining about fandom #mdzs #cql #the untamed #nie mingjue #jiang cheng #WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING TO THEM #it's quite funny because in nmj's case i actually see shit from cql being carried over to novel canon to hate on him #for example my's treatment under the nie was explicitly much worse in cql because they transplanted the langya captain to qinghe #while the worst we see post-promotion in the novel is cultivators (WHO AREN'T EVEN NIE!) wiping ther teacups #(they're visiting from other clans like xichen. That's also why none of them had seen meng yao before.) #you can absolutely choose to interpret that worse things were happening to him at the hands of the nie off-page #it's definitely possible! but cql has people acting like it's objective canon #also the thing about empathy being inaccurate and biased in nmj's favor #that's another cql thing. in novel canon wwx can and does see things nmj does not notice (like the teacups!) #so even if he has some insight into nmj's thoughts and feelings it quite literally can't be showing things exclusively from his perspective #it was a pretty cool ceative decision from cql! gave us some very interesting character moments! #but sometimes i see people discuss the novel going 'and this was warped by nmj's bias i bet he was even worse in reality' girl wrong medium #in jiang cheng's case a lot of hate seems to be coming from the corner of cql!mains too #so clearly it can't be *that* big a difference in likability

[sadisthetic]

BURST💥

#get fucked eardrums #first caption i thought of was 'music's too loud' but like it didnt have the punch. #anyways i keep on doing terrible things to this man youre welcome btw #hi fi rush #chai hi fi rush #hi fi rush chai #my art #this is a side comment but i bet chai could still fight to the music even when deaf (temporary or otherwise) #bc im sure he can like Feel the music through his body even when his ears are out of commission #like not only is that the case for a lot of Deaf people in reality but also #as a headcanon i think his player in his chest would let him feel the beat even better so #so i think if this were a permanent thing hed be super bummed and uncomfortable with the silence at the beginning #feeling weirded out by how he has to navigate the world now #but i think he'll adjust and come to terms with it with only mild difficulty #music is still a part of him (literally) #its just different now #(though language is another matter entirely)

[gothic-mothic]

how did narr even managed to survive outta there irl world before he found stanley again..? bet was confus- anyways, UR ART IS SO SILLYYY N SKOINKY /pos

CW: Panic attack, overstimulation, depersonalization, eyestrain

Begging tumblr to not send this post to the void again

Anyway, The Narrator wasn’t left alone for as long as Stanley was. He followed a familiar stream of thought to safety shortly after he arrived.

To say he was confused would be an understatement to say the least

Also thank you :]

#.exe #.png #the stanley parable #tsp #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tspud #the narrator tsp #cw eyestrain #cw panic attack #cw depersonalization #cw overstim #<- I really hope that’s a sfw tag. #anyway umm I tried something a bit different this time #I wanted to show the narrators inicial disconnection from his body and reality in a interesting way #to visualize his feelings more than his perception #bc he has a lot of feelings #so many. #anyway I’m decently proud of the end product and I hope you guys like the style switch too #post parable au

[bythepen98]

More Tomarry doodles 😌✨️💚❤️

Au where Harry is constantly struggling bc of Tom's good looks and gestures of affection. He totally has a crush but really REALLY doesn't know how to deal with it.

He's seen either frowning or looking constipated whenever he's by Tom's side and people naturally mistake it as distate/hatred (which technically wouldn't have been wrong back in his old timeline).

In reality, Harry is so down bad for his past nemesis that he's always close to hyperventilating at the proximity between them. With Tom manoeuvring situations behind the scenes so that they can constantly be near each other/are partners in every class they're in, Harry has no chance to relax his heart at all and thus, suffers. It just so happens that his face, misleadingly, reflects that pain. Lmao.

-end (tbc?)

▪︎

Probably my last doodle (of them?) for awhile bc I really need to finish my other wips and I have an upcoming bday project to work on hhhh. Like I'll still make time for them but right now? it's a challenge. /n

#doodles #fanart #tomarry #tomarry fanart #harry potter #harry james potter #tom riddle #harrypotterfanart #tom riddle fanart #hp fanart #peep abaraxas in the back looking shook af 😭 #rbf Harry #he's just as gone for Tom okay #but the feeling is so intense that he ends up lashing out and becomes a brat insteadhfurkr #'throwing' away Tom's gifts and gestures of affection to his face #but secretly and gently hiding it away in his box of treasures when he's alone 🥺 #no fr all those little trinkets from Tom? puts it all next to his invisibility cloak and photo album of his parents #yes the irony is hilarious i know. Harry knows but he dont care bc ITS A DIFFERENT REALITY LET HIM LIVE #tom buys all these gifts with abraxas' money btw

[hooned]

heeseung & jungwon ✧.* R U Next

#*jelly's #enhypenet #kpopco #enhypenetwork #enhypen #yang jungwon #jungwon #lee heeseung #heeseung #these has three different colorings bc my laptop decided to restart three times while making this set #i really have to learn how to save colorings bc dear god #anyways look at how cute they are huhu #now they're guest mcing at reality shows #it feels just like yesterday when they were screaming about seventeen coming to iland #i love them i am sososo proud

[canisalbus]

I just recently started following you so i don't have the full lore of your murderous gay religiously traumatized doggos, BUT, from my understanding, they are Italian and i don't know what part of Italy they are from, yet i can't help headcanoning Vasco as Tuscan, while Machete is probably from some part of Veneto. And as an Italian who has heard Tuscans and Veneto dialet, well it's an hilarious mental image.

Vasco is indeed Tuscan, Florentine to be specific. He comes from a wealthy and influential noble family that has lived in Florence for centuries. He's proud of his roots, and it's usually easy for strangers to tell where he's from. He's a resonably successful politician and has worked as an ambassador and representative of Florence on numerous occasions.

Machete is originally Sicilian (ironically about as far from Veneto as possible), although he was taken to mainland at young age and has lived in several places since then, before ending up in Rome. The way I see it, he exhibits very little local color, his demeanor and (even though Italian hadn't become a standardized language yet) way of speaking are formal, neutral and scarcely give away any hints about his personal history, at least in the 16th century canon.

#I tend to take the easy way out with the various Italian dialects/languages and temper their effect on how the dog world works #even though to my understanding in reality they differ drastically from each other even today and they aren't always mutually intelligible #especially when you compare northern and southern ones #I know at least Sicilian is so different from modern day Italian it's considered a separate language entirely #it isn't the only one but I'm not a linguist and not even Italian so I'm not really qualified to be explaining any of this to you #main point is that my dogs are well traveled educated and adaptable so I'd like to believe that they manage #otherwise making this whole scenario work would become very complicated #language barriers aplenty #Machete is a fast learner with a natural knack for languages so he absorbs/decodes new ones easily #and I can see him acting as an interpreter if necessary #which is a valuable trait for someone working as the secretary of state I'd imagine #a lot of people he ends up dealing with speak at least passable Latin so at a pinch they might perhaps try switching to that? #Vasco might have a Tuscan flavor but Machete is more of a blank slate (at least in public and at work) #answered #fallenoftheromaempire #feel free to correct me if I've gotten something wrong I'm not an expert and this stuff is complicated for an outsider

[tealty]

Posting it on its own as well cuz there’s something about Danny being naturally quite creepy in ghost form, just left of human shaped and unhinged about it too

Inspired by this thought by Paenling

#Danny phantom #dp #based on a prompt #but seriously what if how he’s seen in the show as just an inverted colour scheme is just how he views himself #and the reality is that no one recognizes him because he does not even present human when in ghost form #like hearing all languages as your personal one and responding like that but everyone else is hearing their language back #the perception is very different based on who you’re looking at #to Danny ghost behaviour is wired into him on a dna level #that he doesn’t even notice when it changes #probably has never thought about it and thinks he acts the same as when he’s human but he doesn’t #it’s not bad #but sometimes it could be #I bet his concept of death and danger is far more skewed as a ghost #and time far more loose #most people begin to feel the years getting in later in life #Danny doesn’t #to him it’s all the same #Sae has thoughts

[the-magpie-archives]

You know when you've been thinking something for ages and it feels normal and then you say it out loud and it sounds so odd and unbelievable that you physically wince but you have to keep going because it'd be embarrassing to backtrack at that point so you just speak it into being normal again?

Yeah I think that's what the supplementals were like for Jon.

#You know what I always say! Anything can be normal if you ramble on for long enough! #But this sorta cycle is very real in tma... Because there's continuous odd happenings and constant doubt that dance around eachother #It makes you feel crazy eventually because you make claims‚ face disbelief‚ then get evidence for something different altogether! #The paranormal likes to play with it's food before it eats it basically #(in fiction and in reality 😌) #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus institute #jonathan sims #tma memes #tma season 2

[shorelinnes]

The sky is still blue, but why is everything blurry? Within my blurred vision I can only see you clearly

#createskz #staysource #bystay #melontrack #usersemily #adriblr #dreamytag #thestephtag #meltracks #usersa #hyunjin #lee know #stray kids #skz #*intro:gifs #lmao this is such a self indulgent set djfshdkfjh #oh well I hope it makes sense at least #I got the feeling that part of hyunjin remembers lee know even though it's a different timeline/reality from their mixtape mvs #just the way hyunjin was staring at lino in the video and the look he gave him after lee know missed the basket #also hyunjin running after lee know at the end there 🤔 #idk I don't think they'll ever give us concrete answers anyways jsfhjkdshf #but it's still fun to speculate 😊

[astarlightmonbebe]

the appeal of yeojeong as a normal guy who’s just a little bit off. not enough that you would notice when talking to him, of course, but it’s just there, under the surface. a disturbance. and i think it’s interesting because typically you have two types of guys somewhat adjacent to this: guy who seems totally normal but is secretly sadistic/a psychopath, and then guy haunted by a traumatic/troubled past, who has that secret layer of torment running beneath the surface of their image. but yeojeong breaks through these archetypes, and i think part of it is because he’s just so...calm. it’s not that he’s living a double life (kind doctor by day, killer by night) or hiding part of his past (everyone he worked with knew about what happened to his father, and watched his downward spiral during his college days). he’s not the typical male character who is, at every attempt, trying to outrun his tragic past (even though he does run once or twice); he’s not haunted by flashbacks, or suffer from PTSD in the way that is usually portrayed in dramas. and i think part of that is because the glory is a story about victims. it’s dongeun’s story, first and foremost, even though it is also yeojeong’s story, and hyeonnam’s story, and sohee’s story. but it’s a story about dongeun’s pain, and when it’s not about her pain, it’s just about the pain of victimhood - unlike other dramas, this isn’t a show where male pain outweighs the rest.

so yeojeong is just a normal guy. he’s handsome. he has a good career. he’s a plastic surgeon, an interesting choice when both his parents were/are hospital directors, and his father seemed to have worked in the er or something of the sort prior to his death (or at the very least wasn’t a plastic surgeon). something could be said here of yeojeong choosing the ‘safe’ path as a doctor, a path where he cures pain and makes people happy without the added risk of being attacked by one of his patients. there’s no proof of that in the show - why he chose to be a plastic surgeon - but it’s an interesting thought path to travel. 

dongeun says he must have lived a good life. that he’s never had to worry about the path that he’s on. and that’s true, to a certain extent. to everyone, including her in the beginning, yeojeong is perfectly friendly. he’s perfect, but not the perfect that people perceive as too perfect (i.e. the guy who’s hiding things); he has his moments where he spazzes out, gets into fights, goes crazy over dongeun texting him back, teases his mom. he’s perfectly well adjusted (a perfect contrast to dongeun’s ‘maladjustment’). he wears flip flops to work and gets the same coffee order daily. he plays go with old men in the park.

he likes to listen to the fizzing of vitamin tablets in water because it calms him down. is this a strange thing? only because he thinks it’s important enough to mention to his therapist. he does it at work too - drops the tablet in, closes his eyes, rests his head. he does it at home - drops the tablet in, opens the drawer, draws a knife. it’s about the noise. bubbles rising to the surface, like bubbles rising from underwater. he stays underwater until the last possible moment, when he has to break the surface in order to breath. dongeun makes him feel like he’s at the eye of a storm - a deceptively calm center, while everything else rages outside. and i think it’s kind of important that he makes that comparison, when he’s someone always seeking that calm. the soothing noise, that makes him feel lonely.

so he’s just a normal guy. a normal guy who receives letters on a regular basis from the prisoner who brutally murdered his father. he doesn’t like letters, he tells dongeun. who knows what he does with the letters - does he keep them? does he throw them away as soon as he sees them? he must have read some of them; maybe you only need to read one to know what is in the rest. maybe he’s still reading them; maybe he keeps them without reading, an invisible torment. it’s not what he does with the letters that matters, but that he receives letters at all. 

can you still call it a haunting if you’ve almost made your peace with it? if you’re living with it? 

he’s just a normal guy, who looks his therapist right in the eyes and tells her that she couldn’t fix him. he diligently attends therapy for years on a regular basis, even though it doesn’t work. he finally abandons it when he moves to semyeong, because he chooses to embrace dongeun’s revenge. he chooses his own revenge, too, in a way. the dark part of him that he can’t escape. the one that makes him pick up the knife, who asks dongeun who to kill before she even tells him she wants any of them dead, even when he’s a doctor from a family of doctors, and doctors don’t kill - they save lives instead. 

you couldn’t fix me, he tells his therapist calmly. so calmly. as if there’s not a bloodied man sitting next to him, a man he dreams of killing. the man is just life to him, just like the letters are life to him to. a dulled numbness. an acceptance of it. 

is your son going through hell? can you even tell it’s hell, if it’s what you’ve become used to? is it hell when you’re a doctor dreaming of murder? is it hell to no longer be tormented by dead men and living murderers who send you letters? is it?

#star stumbles #my thoughts #the glory #the glory 2022 #netflix the glory #kdrama #joo yeojeong #hmm. yes. how long has it been since i made a very long text post analyzing a character? quite a bit #he's just under my skin #it's the normalcy and then the just...tad bit off uncanniness to it all #like staring at a room and feeling as if something is wrong but you can't pinpoint what it is #until maybe you finally discover there's a book out of place or something missing or something unaligned #and it's not even psychopathic. seen a lot of people say that but like...it's not #it's a slightly different vibe from that #it's like dongeun staring at the boiling kettle and reaching out to touch it #the dissociation from reality #when you hurt yourself and marvel at the wound before feeling the pain #the fizzing of the vitamin tablets got me first & the letters #but mostly - what really wormed into my core - was the way he stared at his therapist and simply said 'you couldn't fix me' #'after all this time you couldn't fix me' #the dead acceptance. #feeling so mentally unwell about him i can't even describe it #the way his character was designed to be dongeun's (romantic) partner in crime