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#i listened to mitski while writing this
mikareo · 6 months
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⌗ TWO SLOW DANCERS ₊ ˖ ་. gojo satoru x fem reader (1.2k)
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⊹ ⠀⠀why doesn’t he love you?
contains; angst, rejection, reader just wants to be loved, gojo's kinda a dick, mitski did this to me, not proofread author's note; i'm thinking abt the guy who didn't want me rn sorry
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“Can I ask you something?” you murmur, your voice nothing above a faint whisper. Fear of judgment is laced within it, something you can’t help but wish you could get rid of. “It’s going to sound ridiculous, and if you think so you can just ignore me.” He’s going to ignore you.
However, Gojo sits up straighter. His eyes are intending to focus on you. “Nothing you say is ridiculous. I’m always here to listen.” You want to believe him so badly. There’s nothing else in the world that you wish for. All you need is a confession, him reciprocating the depth of your feelings, but you know that’s impossible. If he felt the same, he wouldn’t have started seeing that girl; no matter the fact that she’s wonderful for him, amazing, and kind. If she’s so amazing, what are you doing wrong? What is it about her that you can’t compare to? You know you’d be perfect for Gojo. He’s your best friend. He’s the person who knows you better than anyone, so why is it that he doesn’t love you the same way you love him? It doesn’t make sense. 
What are you doing wrong?
“...am I difficult to love?” You feel like you already know the answer. It’s a pointless question that’s been eating you up inside for years, ever since you first met and he instantly treated you as a friend when you wanted to be loved by him. “I know it’s silly, but I feel so helpless.”
Without realizing it, your words flow from your lips like a river streaming downhill. Not even the largest dam could hold in your insecurities. “I try so hard, everyday to be kind and patient and perfect; but no one seems to notice. Is there something that everyone else has that I don’t? What am I missing that makes me invisible? Why do I feel so stuck while the world keeps moving and progressing and making changes that I can’t keep up with? Why don’t you love me?”
There it is. 
There’s the question that you’ve swallowed down for the past ten years of knowing Gojo Satoru…and somehow…
…it seems that he already knows the answer. 
“I do love you.”
In half a second, your heart beats faster. It swells with an overwhelming pink feeling that practically causes it to burst. You almost see stars. In your imagination you’re flying through the night sky, weaving constellations together as you hold Gojo’s hand and ask him what he’s wishing on that shooting star, oh so close to you. So close, yet so far. So far, that it never reaches you; because nothing is ever as it seems. It isn’t a wish racing your way, it’s a meteorite. A meteor thats target is the home in your heart that you’ve made so lovingly for your best friend. The flaming rock finds your weakest point and begins to wither it away into nothing but hopeless shreds of dreams. In a half a second, you’re on the top of the world. In a half a second, your world is destroyed. 
“I just don’t love you in the way you want me to.”
You’re a fool. You knew this was coming.
“I can’t imagine my life without you.” Shut up. Why can’t he just shut up? You don’t need these filler words, these empty statements that he’s only saying to make you feel better about your worthless self. “You’re such an important part of my everyday.” Shut up!
It’s so hard to hold in the tears. Your dam already burst— but instead of a river, it seems that you’ve got an ocean of feelings. This ocean is polluted, though. It’s littered in trash and oil, after years of wanting something that was never yours. Other men have thrown their waste in your waters and Gojo’s always been the one to clean it up. He’s always made you laugh…made you smile…made you believe that everything is going to be okay as long as you trust him. Now, you’ve made the mistake of trusting him with your heart; when he’s never cared if it shatters. 
“Please don’t say those things to me.” It’s pathetic, the whimper shaking from the tip of your tongue. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
Gojo isn’t even replying to you. He’s simply staring with the most pitiful look in his eyes, as if you’re a dying animal that he’s just shot with a rifle. How do you make him stop looking at you like that? You’re better than this! Just suck it up and smile!
Somehow, you find yourself laughing. “Don’t worry about it, Satoru. I’ll be fine, it’s just a silly little crush.” You’re lying. 
It’s so obvious you’re lying. 
He’s never been a crush. If he was a fleeting crush, then you wouldn’t spend your nights thinking of how you made him smile earlier in the day. You wouldn’t know his favorite place, song, and movie at the top of your head. You wouldn’t imagine his face whenever you picture your wedding day— at the end of the aisle, smiling at you with tears in his eyes. If he was just a little crush, it wouldn’t feel like your entire world is ending. 
“I know you’ve liked me, it’s a little obvious.” He shrugs. “I just assumed you’d get over it?” 
He knew? He’s known all this time?
There’s a war raging between your heart and your mind. It’s a battlefield with logic on one side and love on the other. The rational part of you knows that he can’t help his feelings. He can’t force himself to reciprocate something that he’s never felt before. That’s unfair to him, and you can’t make him love you…
…but the other half of you can’t accept that. 
After all these years of waiting for him. Years and years of watching your closest friends find love, be loved, and experience all of the firsts that you’ve always wanted to experience with him by your side. He doesn’t love you. You’ve known Gojo Satoru since you were ten years old. You’re twenty now and still so delusional that you believe he can feel the same way. Why can’t he, though? Gojo knows you from front to back. If there’s anyone in the world who could write an encyclopedia titled with your name, it’s him; and he still doesn’t love you. You’re the person who’s been there for him through countless breakups and temper tantrums. You’re the one who he trusts most in this world, yet he will never…ever…want you back. 
Someone is writing the story of the world. Someone is tying the strings of fate, the line of destiny, or whatever you want to call it; and that someone isn’t on your side. They never have been and they never will be…
…at least not in the case of Gojo Satoru. 
“I’ll try my best.” A phony smile graces your face and you’re now realizing that he’s never once called you beautiful. Yet, you still want him. Perhaps it’s human nature to wish for the things that are terrible for you. “You don’t have to worry about me, Satoru. I’ll be fine.”
Yeah, maybe in ten years. 
“I’ll be able to forget about this.”
You don’t think you will.
“I didn’t mean to inconvenience you.”
Your feelings are an inconvenience.
“It’s nothing.”
It was love.
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⠀ ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⊹₊。 reblogs are greatly appreciated! ˚₊⊹
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dewdrops-whammy-bar · 28 days
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Dewther angst, hold onto your taints everyone
Note: this is kind of an au where the ghouls are treated much harsher than the general fanon. Better for angst that way.
CW for mention of blood, accidental SH, and human sacrifice.
Thinking about Aether knowing he'd be Banished before the rest of the pack did.
Sister Imperator pulls him aside one day and tells him he'll be "retiring" from the band. Aether knows what that means- it's been made clear that the ghouls are replaceable. Just a backing band for the real star of the show. It's a privilege to be Summoned to serve the Father on the surface world.
Sister tells him to get his affairs in order. She doesn't tell him when he'll be Banished, just that it'll be soon.
He tries to put the thought aside and continue on as if nothing is wrong. Dew of course, being his mate, knows something is up almost immediately. But no matter how much prodding he does, Aether doesn't open up. He feels like it'll be easier if no one else knows.
Aether and Dew start having fights. Dew is hurt that Aether seems to be keeping something from him, and Aether wants to bottle up his fear and grief.
One night, after one of these fights, Dew decides to sleep in Rain's room for the night to let himself cool down. He's prone to anger as an outlet for emotion and he doesn't want to snap at his mate. Especially not with the current strain on their relationship. Weirdly enough, he has a gut feeling that he should stay with Aether that night, but he resists. He'll apologize in the morning, he's had a change of heart about a couple things and wants to try a different approach with the conversation. He goes to bed with Rain, still fighting off the sinking feeling of dread in his stomach.
Which is why he doesn't hear Aether being dragged out of bed by Imperator's personal ghouls.
He's jolted awake by a cold stab of fear, felt through his mating bond. He bolts out of Rain's room soon enough to see Aether being dragged out the door of the den. Judging by the deep claw marks in the walls, Aether had been fighting hard.
Dew yells for the rest of the pack and runs after Aether. Imperator's ghouls are fast, whisking his mate down the corridor faster than he can run.
Dew and the rest of the pack only catch up with them at the Banishing circle, deep under the cathedral. Aether is fighting his captors, but they obviously have some sort of magick bindings on him. Dew darts over to his mate and holds his face, locking eyes.
"I'm sorry," Aether says in a resigned voice. "I'm so sorry, Dew. Take care of yourself, okay love?"
"Aether- did you know?" Dew asks, tears streaming down his face. "Is that- is that what-" he can't finish the sentence, already knowing the answer.
"Yes. I thought-" Aether lets out a choked sob. "I'm sorry," he repeats before he leans forward to kiss Dew.
The kiss is desperate, their teeth knocking together. Both ghouls trying to convey their love as much as they can before they can't anymore.
The blood of the sacrifice flows into the engravings in the floor. Dew feels the portal to the Pit opening behind him and he sobs. The pair of Aether's captors push Dew aside as they guide Aether into the circle, toward the portal.
Dew is frozen in fear. Aether looks back at him, equally fearful but resigned.
"I love you."
Then Aether is gone. The portal closes. Aether's clothes drop to the floor, as lifeless as Dew now feels. He scrambles to the center of the circle, falling to his knees before the last remnants of his mate.
Dew screams, a sound of pure despair that echoes around the chamber. He claws at the ground as if he could dig his way into the Pit, back to Aether. He doesn't realize he's worn his claws bloody until Mountain's hands are on his, gently stilling his motions.
The pack surrounds him, joining his primal cries of grief. Dew barely registers them. He pulls his hands from Mountain's grip and instead sifts through the pile of Aether's clothes. He finds what he's looking for and holds it up with trembling hands.
It's a necklace. Something he'd bought from a store in the mall along with a matching one that he wore. He'd given it to Aether as a half-joking gift, but was pleasantly surprised when Aether insisted on wearing it constantly. The cheap chain had darkened from wear and had misshapen links where it had been fixed multiple times.
It was still warm from Aether's body heat.
He hadn't even gotten to tell Aether he loved him back.
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milks-thoughts · 6 months
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*Me standing very politely and patiently for a pt 2 of the future apprentice fic (it has not left my brain since you posted it and has consumed my entire being)*
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*Me answering your patient waiting with heartache and pain*
this is from Juniors pov for a while but the switch is obvious
TW: death, murder, abandonment, brief suicidal thoughts , attempted murder
Take My Fathers Conscious From Me
“ Where had they gone? “ The only question in Casey’s head while he tore through the base. Not stopping until he heard the commotion of someone arriving and then..well, after that was a blur. All he remembers is his mentor covered in blood and holding his friend’s necklace. He had trained with them, they were close…where were they.? Four months had gone by without an answer, he wanted to ask sensei..but the way he’d shoot up every night and hold their necklace and weep…Casey already knew his answer. They died. He just couldn’t believe that, it’s impossible. His friend wasn’t that friend, but he knows deep down, his sensei’s guilt killed his best friend.
Casey knew what he knew, and he needed to see it. Proof that he wasn’t insane. When he fled the camp in the middle of the night and found where the accident had happened…it was bone chilling. His best friends leg was the only thing left but it was purposefully cut off. He followed the very stale blood trail and found nothing. A dead end, when he investigated the alleyway he saw a picture on the floor. Him, sensei, and his best friends first time outside the camps watchful eyes. His friend found a camera, probably the last camera that still had anything still in it. They snapped a picture of Casey and Leo, that was their most prized possession. And they left it. On the back was written “ don’t trust him “ and Sensei’s face was crossed out..all the marks were covered in blood. When he explored the city more he started finding more stuff like that. On the walls, written in white paint “ don’t trust the turtle “. Casey gripped his hockey stick and turned around, unaware of the eyes watching him.
They left me. I was still alive and they left me. They’re traitors- you can’t trust them. Those were the only thoughts running through your head, sure you were very slowly bleeding out after you sloppily closed your amputation but, that’s just that. Your eyes narrowed as you wrote another warning on a brick wall. The kraang dogs had learned to ignore you, too injured to be a good host for the kraang. You held a sword tightly in your hands, that’s the weapon he trained you in. You won’t ever say it but…the way your heart cracks whenever you think about it is a clear reminder of what he did. Your eyes watched the resistances lookout camp. A side camp that…He, redirects survivors to that are unfit to fight. So what made you fit? Or were you just a lamb to the slaughter this whole time? how could he do that to a child?
You slowly crept to the camp, using your code to sneak into it. Master Donatello takes days to stop a code from working so..you have time. slipping between the camps different tents and areas you finally found what you were looking for. Their plans, and some spray paint. Grabbing them both you quickly left. You never wanted to see that familiar symbol, the familiar saying, the familiar everything. You didn’t want to remember how He would train you for hours until you got it right and then reward you with canned fruit as a treat. He manipulated you for YEARS so he could leave you to die when things got scrappy. You hobbled, your makeshift prosthetic pushing into your sloppily healed leg. You needed to get that cleaned..
How could he? He was the leader. Was Leonardo’s only thoughts. How could he leave you? He was supposed to protect you..and now Casey is distant…everything is falling apart. He stared at Casey Jr as he deflected any conversation…has he found out? Leonardo will NEVER live with himself “ Casey- “ he started before stopping, letting the boy walk off without a word. He was a pathetic leader.
You grabbed your weapon tightly, watching as a patrol went out, it was perfect. He was on the patrol..and so was your friend. His black hair curling at the ends as the dry air was a smidgen humid today. You gripped a firecracker you found and lit the end with your campfire, angling it so it’d shoot and hit a building. It rumbled and dropped slabs of concrete, blocking the patrols exit and crushing a person who was straggling in the back. He looked mortified as the noise rang through the empty city, yipping of kraang dogs filling the space as they altered the kraang to the patrol’s location, you slowly made your way down the building pulling your body, forcing it to contribute. You’ve lost so much blood and you’ve been weakly fighting an infection. If you were going to die- if time allows so- you’ll pull down the devil with you.
You watched the carnage, in the heat of battle there’s two faces you’re looking for. The devil, and the dove. You find the dove quickly, he was limp. Half his body pinned by a slab of building side, his head bleeding. The dove refused to fly away and died. You wanted to wail, but in your exhaustion you couldn’t. Your hands clammily held your weapon as you walked towards The devil, swinging your sword and missing by a bit. Your prosthetic was weak and snapped, you fell with it. The devil turned and stared at you. His face pale and horrified, you swung your sword up, slashing his arm and cutting through the muscle. The devil hissed and grabbed his arm, not making a effort to hurt…you..
You growled and pulled yourself up “ Fight me-! Or would you rather just leave me somewhere!? Like you left-.. “ what was the doves name..? you couldn’t remember. You fell again, your body shaking from force and exhaustion, your brain running like a hamster in its wheel. The devil fell to his knees and picked up your body and held you close to him. Your hands weakly pawing to get away, he was murmuring something but it was all white noise. You barely made out the “ I’m so s- “ it all went deep in noise at that. Your body begging to just rest. You couldn’t, “ I gotta- I gotta.. “ you felt yourself whisper before a harsh spike of white, hot PAIN filling your chest and soon your whole body. You gripped at his arms, at your sensei- no he wasn’t your sensei…he wasn’t-
Your coughing and begging finally stopped ringing in his ears, your hot blood coating his green hand as his katana was wedged in your chest. He couldn’t- you were suffering. But he put you down like a dog…he was a monster. Maybe he should lodge your sword in his neck? make it so you in a way, finally killed him. You were dead, Junior was dead, Raph was dead, Dad was dead, April was dead, Cass died, Draxum is dead, and Donnie is…dead..- he’s lost everyone. His thoughts were interrupted by orange chains and a orange cloaked figure staring at him
“ Leo….what have you done..? “
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rodolfoparras · 3 months
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Cw: 18+, blowjobs, anal play, old man price, mythological world, ritual sacrifice, virgin! Price, bottom!price, centaur!male reader
For @lieutnt 🫶🏻
Thinking about old man Price who lives in a little town terrorized by what’s known as an evil creature. In order to keep the creature at bay the towns people sacrifice a virgin every year.
However throughout the years the population has decreased so there’s just one virgin left and it’s Price, but he’s a man, and an old one at that.
But he willingly agrees to the ordeal because he doesn’t have anyone left - no friends no family so might as well end his misery.
The towns people prepare him in the best way they can; they groom him and feed him whatever he wishes to eat, all while he pretends that they aren’t setting him up for his death sentence.
The day finally comes when he is to be sacrificed and he is absolutely terrified. What if the creature thinks they’re mocking it by bringing an old man?
But Price tries to tell himself that this - death- is what he wanted in the first place so he shouldn’t have a reason to be scared.
But he can feel himself shake as he approaches the place where he is to be sacrificed. It is a dense wooded area with a small lake laying nearby, along with that it’s eerily quiet but Price sits down on his designated spot and waits for the creature to come.
He waits and waits, hears his heart beating in his chest, fingers nervously fiddling with the grass under him
All of a sudden he hears steps, that sound something akin to galloping and he freezes in place, doesn’t even dare breathe as he hears the creature approach him.
The steps come to a halt and he feels someone’s hot breath washing over his skin, can smell an earthy scent surrounding him, can even see a shadowy figure reflected onto the grassy field.
His eyes squeeze shut, fingers clutching onto tufts of grass while he silently wishes goodbye to whoever might hear or see him now.
But instead of meeting his demise he’s being flipped around and met with the sight of a man, no half man half horse. This must be the creature that’s been terrorizing his town but you don’t look anything like what he’d imagined and you certainly don’t act anything like it, when you gently cupping his cheek, eyes trailing over him as if taking him in before a contented hum escapes your lips.
Slowly but surely you’re stripping the clothes off of him, before laying him on a tree stub- the stub used for sacrifice, all while keeping a gentle hoof beneath him, essentially cushioning him from the rough surface.
He feels exposed like this, cold air caressing his bare skin and raising goosebumps all over his body.
But he doesn’t feel scared, not when you’re gentle as ever as you drag your hands over his rib cage, down to his hips before stopping at his thighs, big strong hands firmly pinning him to the stub.
You don’t say anything, maybe you don’t even know how to speak but Price likes to think that maybe you’re admiring him, that you aren’t as disgusted as he thought you’d be at having an old splayed out in front of you.
He doesn’t get to dwell on it any longer before he feels your long wet tongue languidly dragging along his shaft, and Price cries out, so loud he scares the birds that had been resting in the trees nearby. The small animals swiftly fly away as you drag your tongue across his slit, before suckling on his tip.
Your mouth is hot and ever so eager as you suck on his dick, a mess of slick and spit collecting on his skin, eagerly devorouing him like he’d devoured his last meal and Price looses himself in the feeling.
He thought that he’d be here to please but instead you’re the one buried between his thighs, taking care of this old man and he could almost cry- from pleasure - from relief and he does, fat tears rolling down his flushed cheeks as he claws at the stub beneath him.
“Please, please-“ he pleads, hands desperately reaching out as he feels you pull away from his cock.
But within seconds he’s being flipped around on the stub, ass in the air, head buried in the ground as he feels cold wet fingers caress his spine.
“Please, take me please,” he’s not even aware what he’s saying anymore mind hazy and lost in please and eager oh so eager for more “please,” he cries out into the sky, looking up at what appears to be blurry stars in his teary eyes .
You grant him his wish, working one- two- three fingers inside of him, but it’s not enough, even with the pleasant burn and strech that comes with it. He needs more, starts clawing at your hooves in desperation while muttering the words “please take me please take me,”
But you ignore his please, continuing to scissor your fingers inside of him, stretching him til he starts feeling empty even with four thick digits fucking into him,
For a second Price thinks you won’t accept him as your offering, maybe you’d gone this far and decided he wasn’t worth it and he almost breaks down right then and there, mind distraught while also hazy with pleasure, desperately fucking himself back on your fingers, and chasing whatever crumbs of pleasure you’re willing to give him.
But just as he’s about to tip over the edge you pull away but only to line up your cockhead with his entrance, before you push inside of him.
You had accepted his offering.
You had accepted him.
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kaixserzz · 6 months
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eons adrift ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ wanderer x gn!reader
˗ˏˋ꒰ 🎐 ꒱ "i'll come and find you in every life celestia will give me." "that's not possible, you and i both know that." "watch me!"
 ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚ cw: character analysis-ish, mildly proofread, drabble but it's kinda messy, its more like an idea than a fic LOLLL im sorry, hurt/comfort
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scaramouche took you for a naive fool, just as he was when oh so stupidly believed those words as kunikuzushi.
you are but a human. a mere breath of his everlasting eternity. a few hundreds of years and he would forget everything about you.
insignificant, you humans were.
frail.
vulnerable.
so so easy to break.
as he walked into the path of darkness; consuming him and turning him into someone he doesn't recognize in the mirror no longer—kabukimono, kunikuzushi, the love of your life, was long gone. memories like the leaves that turn yellow and crumble to ashes as winter approaches.
yet the winter will remain in his empty chest for as long as he walks teyvat. churning into a blizzard of ice cold pain, destroying everything around him as it grows. he continues to walk this wretched path he chose.
but then he met someone, rekindling the spark that was once there beneath his porcelain skin. trying to light up a burn out wick, to bring an end to his winter and bring forth the beautiful spring he was once.
scaramouche never thought he'd love again.
even after all through the pain he went from the doctor's experiments, after roaming the great expanse of the abyss, after becoming the balladeer, the 6th of the fatui harbingers, he still felt.
love.
happiness.
pain.
sorrow.
and regret.
he hates it, but he loves them, just as much as he loved you.
though he allowed someone new worm their way into his heart, he kept them in arm's reach. he cannot bear to be vulnerable to someone else. they were human, they were to die; he is a puppet, he is meant to live on forever.
but then he heard them say things only you would say. giving him lavender melons you bought off the market, accidentally calling him names only you would know.
he remember that promise you made him before you died.
"i'll come and find you in every life celestia will give me."
scaramouche did not understand what he felt when he realized that his new lover, was in fact, just a reincarnation of you. and just like that, your name burns back itself into his mind—a name he thought he had erased into obscurity, along with his past.
he was a fool, scaramouche thought. he laughed at himself, a laugh void of humor, nor joy.
it was your name, your first incarnation, just in a different language.
it appears that scaramouche didn't like this feeling. of bitter butterflies in his stomach, the familiarity when you try to get close to him, the same smile you had, the light full of love in your eyes—it was all too much for him.
so he left you in the snow of his ever growing blizzard. buried under the thick layers of freezing ice.
and again, to your next reincarnation. a fatui, a vendor, an adventurer, a knight, a scholar—male, female, neither, or all of them; tall, short, plump, slim, dark or light skinned,
he cannot bear to lose you just as he first did.
slipping by his fingers, to the one thing he is not affected by.
death.
he doesn't accept the fact that your love has led you back to him, again and again.
why do you even keep coming back? don't you know he's part of the fatui? don't you know what he has done? don't you know what he has become?
and yet you'd knock on his door, calling his name with your voice full of warmth, arms wide for him to take and allow himself to be called yours again—all he had to do was open the door.
he has kept a lock on it ever since he met you again.
worn down and rotten; chains all rusted, handle jammed and barely working. he approaches the door once again. this time, as wanderer. a better version of himself,
one that's finally willing to open the door to you.
but you weren't there anymore, waiting for him on the other side.
how could you? you were never there in the first place.
not with this version of himself.
not as the wanderer.
and maybe that was for the best. even though he cries himself to sleep at night for all the things he has done to you. weeping, as he curls onto the sheets, praying to the stars above in hopes you'd hear his heartbroken apologies, yearning for your love, your touch, your smiles—
this was his punishment for hurting you, for being a fool. he was underserving of your love, after all.
"hey, wanderer, was it?"
a new voice, someone unfamiliar. he refrained from sighing, for buer's sake, and instead took a deep, refreshing breath. he turns, and the stranger smiles brightly at him.
immediately, as if the winds of spring has hit him all so suddenly in the face. the fragrance of blooming flowers that was once buried under the snow, the sun shining brightly in the skies, and birds chirping symphonies.
like the mornings brimming with new found hope, the smell of dew sticking onto his clothes as he trace his fingers all over the a tree's trunk. like the the juices of a fruit he sank his teeth into, dribbling down the corners of his lips and down his arms.
warmth tingled on his skin, and his heart leaps.
"nice to meet you!" you say your name, a name he has heard hundreds of versions before, all so different and yet they all felt and tasted like honey dripping down his tongue. "i hope we get along."
"yeah," he says, almost breathless, as the tears begins to well in his eyes. his fingers tremble, and his smile grew wobbly. tipping his hat down to avoid your gaze, his voice cracks. "i hope so too."
his door was wide open, waiting for you come in.
you grin, and take a step inside.
 ˚ ༘♡ ⋆。˚
author's note: "i thought this was a dottore only blog? SHUT UP!!!!! SHUT UP!!! 🥹🥹🥹🥹 IM MAD AT MYSELF TOO BUT THIS IS FOR @fatuismooches also new format because im too lazy to open my files :/ not back yet, i just wanna write this for the pookie 💗💗 ty for listening to me ramble like a madman ur single handedly gettin me thru it ong LMAOOO /lh
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nudibranchz · 24 days
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Happy Nudibranch Nursday!! =D
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Today's nudibranch is the frosted nudibranch! They kinda look like they're glowing, which is super fantastical. These guys are beautiful, they remind me of angels. Biblically accurate angels? Nono, nudibranch angels.
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hertas-funger-blog · 2 months
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Bleh my mind had been plauged by thoughts about D'arce and Samarie being parallels to each other.
Brainrot under the cut. Said rant is very mean to Samarie so sorry in advance I guess.
Like imagine D'arce meeting Samarie, sam being scared shitless by D'arce is like "I mean no harm" so they hang out together and D'arce learns about Sam's backstory and it reminds her of Le'Garde and she's like "omfg, is this what i actually am, this shivering husk of a person?".
Cause to both of them, their loves are pillars of moral virtue, and so they cling onto the as a coping mechanism (D'arce not so much, but my point still stands. To her her love of leg guard is an expression of her loyalty and holiness etc). Even though both of them are completly different they both have such similar ways to centering themselves on another person.
And D'arce evetually realises this and sees Samarie as this sort of dark reflection. That if you remove all the holiness and world uniting stuff you end up with Samarie, who is this pathetic stalker character.
Or D'arce would kill her because Samarie is fucking crazy. Pick your poison ig.
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succulent-ghoul · 11 months
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More sad. This time with secondo
Secondo x gender neutral reader. Hurt comfort,, nothing specific mentioned I think. I'm to sad to be sure. no beta to sad.
A quiet drizzle covers the ministry, it's cold perfect weather for everything and yet you still can't get away from that dark cloud hanging over your head. It's one of those days where the sight of another person makes you rocket into your room crying. And Maybe that didn't go unnoticed, cause there's a slow but firm knock on your door. Half of you is screaming to open it, and the other half wants to tear apart whoever is on the other side.
So when your door opens while your still under your sheets and it's one of the grumpiest people in the ministry your maybe a little surprised. Secondo on of the retired papa's visiting a random sibling he doesn't even know. But before you can speak he's sitting on your bed and asking if your alright. You don't speak, you just look down hoping one of you would disappear.
The rain thida against the glass window as you both sit in silence. Secondo waiting and you hiding, from him or from your feelings or maybe the big bad wolf. Who knows you don't and that's what's so scary, not knowing why you feel like this. Not understanding why you took such a turn. and while your lost in thought secondo takes your hand in his and rubs his thumbs over your knuckles as he reassured you that 'everything will be fine, fratello.' and that I don't have to talk but he will listen if I want too.
After that the dam breaks. Feelings flood as you start to cry, slowly secondo pulls you into a hug as you sob. Maybe it's cause it's been years since you've felt like you could cry around someone. Or maybe it's cause you were to tired of holding it in anymore now that someone was willing to listen.
The two of you sit like that for awhile. You crying into his shoulder, him rubbing circles into your back and whispering sweet reassurances, his words a warm respite from the cold and cruel world.
Before you know it your out of tears to cry, and with that you slowly pull away from secondos warmth. But before you vanish back into your own little universe he's kisses the top of your head and tells you that 'hes so very proud' and maybe after you fall back into his arms and drift off to sleep, he'll hold you just a little longer before having one of his ghouls tend to you.
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akucat · 2 years
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i love you, haven’t i always? where various bungou stray dogs characters react to you saying that you love them for the first time
❥ note: PLEASE NOTE there are manga spoilers in tachiharas part (which also happens to be my fav part, listened to a pearl by mitski while writing it... you can do the math), also ik this is such a weird collection of characters (kinda?) but i thought welp if im writing this for myself i might as well write my fav characters ! enjoy <3
❥ pairings: chuuya dazai nikolai tachihara fyodor tecchou x reader (separately)
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chuuya
he feels like the luckiest man in the world, he finally understands all those cheesy proposal speeches 
it happens as you’re cleaning up some of his small wounds, a scrape here and there after his job
“you should really take more care of yourself, chuuya,” you say, dabbing away the dried blood on his forehead (to be honest you weren’t even sure if it was his)
“i could say the same for you, you know, too busy cleaning up my mess when you should be focusing on yourself”
“oh hush, i’d much rather spend time tending to the man i love than doing paperwork for mori”
you were expecting a witty remark, but instead he went silent, removing your gaze from your delicate work to watch his mouth form an ‘o’
your cheeks went red as you finally registered the words that came out of your mouth, but chuuya was quick to calm your worries
“took you long enough,” there was the snarky remark he probably could’ve pulled off the nonchalant act if he didn’t have the biggest shit-eating grin, eyes glistening with awe
“i’m taking it back, lose the ego”
“im kidding! i love you too!”
he may be damned wasting his life away to the port mafia, being abandoned by those he cared for, but he was pretty certain loving you was going to make up for it, he knew it would
it was hard to finish cleaning the rest of his wounds when all he wanted to do was kiss you a million times over
dazai
his first initial thought was that you were lying to him 
hes been used his whole life, he really just thinks youre playing with him
was this a prank chuuya put you up to? he doesn’t rly think its funny :[
but he watches as your eyes quiver with uncertainty- why would you be nervous over such a silly prank?
“ah you don’t have to say it back dazai! i just wanted to tell you..!” youre playing with your hands in your lap and then it hits him
youre not like those horrible people who used him, you’re his darling partner and you love him
he feels his heart shatter and he can’t tell if it’s because of his initial reaction - believing you would ever want to cause him harm - or because he’s overwhelmed with so many emotions that he just can’t contain them
you’re nearly as shocked as he is as you watch him wipe way the tears under his eyes, and you’re quick to apologise, you weren’t expecting him to be so upset over your confession 
“oh belladonna don’t worry about me! i love you too, my darling” 
he swears he can feel his heart slowly heal all its cracks and bruises as youre smiling the prettiest smile he’s ever seen, moving to kiss his tears away
tachihara
he doesn’t want to believe it at first
it’s not that he doesn’t trust you, it’s just that his work is dangerous and accepting his feelings about you would end up only causing you harm, in reality he should’ve pushed you away ages ago
but that’s exactly the problem, he was too selfish to push you away, and here you are, in his shitty apartment with that goddamn bandaid over his nose and you had finally told him those words
he doesn’t know how to feel- he feels guilty because of course you feel this way, he has been leading you on for months knowing full well that commitment wasn’t possible on his behalf, but he also hates that you’re telling him when hes like this - this isn’t him, this is mafioso tachihara, this is hunting dogs tachihara simply acting a part, a part of a greater, grander scheme that is supposed to result in the downfall of the port mafia; the downfall of you
he wishes you could’ve told him when he was simply just tachihara; before he joined the hunting dogs, before he joined the port mafia as a mole, before his brother died, but to be honest he wasn’t entirely sure that you’d tell him those few words - i love you, tachihara - if he was still that version of himself
so instead he decides that he’s going to be selfish just once more; the world had taken so much from him, surely it would be okay to take something for himself just this once
he closes the gap between your figures, resting his forehead on yours as he swallows his emotions, his regrets and burdens
“i love you too, y/n”
the world could take everything from him, but he would never let it take you
nikolai
he’s ecstatic, you’d think he was a teenage boy thats just heard his crush likes him back
“really! you do!?”
he’s grabbed both your hands in his, and you can only smile as you watch him struggle to contain his utter bliss; grinning so hard the corner of his eyes were crinkling, eyes shining with what could only be described as pure adoration
“of course i do, kolya, i love you”
hes just so elated he doesn’t know what do do or say, and you giggle at his reaction because hes so happy and you’re so happy and being in love with him, you think, is the best feeling ever
nikolai eventually decides the only thing he can do is tackle you in an embrace, smothering your face with kisses and he holds you tight in his grasp
his entire life had felt so purposeless, he’d never known what to do with himself, but he truly, finally felt as though he’d found his freedom
you were his freedom, you introduced him to so many colours, so many emotions he hadn’t even known existed before he met you
he’s not the insane, apathetic man everyone had made him out to be, he was nikolai gogol, a man bursting with so many feelings and emotions who’s only reaction was to pepper his lovers face with kiss after kiss after hearing such a beautiful confession that he had completely forgotten to-
“oh right! i love you too, y/n! i love you!” 
he was nikolai gogol, the man who had the blessing of loving you
fyodor
it’s like every nerve in his body is telling him: NO, this is a HUGE red flag, abort immediately
and i mean, this is the fyodor dostoevsky we’re talking about, when is he ever wrong?
he know’s he isn’t wrong, either, and that’s whats eating at him
he knows he’s right but he so desperately wants to be wrong, just this once
he knows he cant accept this, no he cant hear you out this once, you’re wrong about all of this, you’re wrong and he’s right
you dont love him
it just isn’t right
but his body seems to be doing the exact opposite of his intentions, and he has absolutely no idea why he feels his cheeks warming up
he has to control himself, because god forbid he go against his intuition, he’s the genius after all-
“fedya...?”
how could he ever say no to you
you’re his everything, his darling, his light in this plagued world, how could he ever possibly hurt you?
he wants to be chased by you, eluded and teased and adored; he wants to drink tea beside you in 10 years while you laugh about the problems you were once so troubled over
he wants to dream of you, keep all of you inside his mind, his physical, personal mind
he wants you
he softly chuckles at your desperate demeanour, how could he be so cruel, keeping you waiting for so long?
he moves his hand to cup your chin, tilting your face upwards to his own
“i love you too, milaya”
you fool he thinks, why couldn’t he just follow his intuition?
tecchou
he short circuits, poor him, you’ve broken him
he literally struggles to conceive a proper thought let alone speak a coherent sentence
“tecchou...?”
“say it again”
“i love you?”
congrats, you’ve killed him
he feels like his heart is beating out of his chest, he’s certain you could even hear it from this distance (he’s so happy jouno wasn’t there, he could not deal with the teasing, not today)
and then something clicks in him and everything comes crashing down at once
you love him you love him you love him he loves you he loves you he loves you
he does what he first thinks to do, pulling you in close by the waist and kissing you and ohmygod you can feel him smiling against the kiss
to be honest you don’t even want to let go to catch your breath, you’re certain you’d be happy dying like this- being kissed to death by your lover, tecchou
he finally lets go of you and you watch as he stares at you for what feels like an eternity- and you don’t complain, how could you? 
"i”  kiss “love” kiss “you” kiss “so so much” kiss kiss kiss
you’re a blushing mess and youre certain you both look like a bunch of giddy idiots who are so enchanted by the other that all you want to do is kiss forever and ever, and you’re pretty sure tecchou would do exactly that if he could - goddamn humans and their need for oxygen
tecchou always was misunderstood for the most of his life, his special ability certainly didn’t help his case of alienation either, but he was more than happy to catch up on all those years with loving you
he pulls you in for another kiss
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w3bgrl · 4 months
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universal deviation
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synopsis: changbin and juyeon officially deny their dating rumors; now it’s time to talk about it privately.
date: april 5th 2019
era: miroh
word count: 2.3k
featuring: kang juyeon, seo changbin, jyp, bang chan
warnings: n/a, just angst! maybe hinted misogyny at the end?
a/n: lied in that ask lol merry binchumas to those who celebrate! ps this occurs after their music bank performance! also ummm calling jyp ‘jinyoung’ is so weirddd (°_°)
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“so…i’m sure you both know why i called you in today,”
changbin and juyeon sat anxiously before their boss in the jyp entertainment conference room with sweaty palms, tongues nearly bitten in half as he spoke.
“but, i wanted to get on top of this issue before it could get too out of hand. especially since you’re in the same group. firstly, however,”
they swore they could guess what was coming next.
“congratulations on your first win yesterday!”
juyeon and changbin let out a breath they had been holding since the moment they entered the room and smiled with the relief of some weight being lifted from their chests, thanking him humbly in unison.
“i have high hopes for the future of stray kids.” jinyoung eye-smiled in the same kindred way he always did to make others feel more comfortable in his authoritative presence. “i believe your time to really shine will come sooner than later, and i look forward to watching you all grow as artists.”
his smile fell now, replaced with that stone cold expression they had become quite familiar with during their trainee days. “but, all of that starts with maintaining your images for the fans. so, i’d like to get a direct quote that explains the situation and clarifies the status of your relationship with one another.”
“before we begin,” jinyoung slid the notepad beside him closer to where he could write “i’ll remind you that the company dating policy states that romantic relationships are strictly prohibited for the first 3 years after debut. in your case, this will be in 2021. i think as idols, the first three to five years after debut should be focused purely on promoting. so, with that said, is there anything in particular you would like to be cited?”
for the first time since sitting down the accused pair now looked at one another with knowing eyes. it was a good thing they read each other better than jyp because obviously they saw right through the others feigned innocence. juyeon was the first to turn back to their boss, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear before she spoke.
“um…i know to be more subtle showing affection to my members for the public eye, so i apologize for acting without thinking. i will be more careful with my actions moving forward.”
the older man nodded approvingly and began to transcribe her account on his notepad. at this same time, changbin nudged her foot with his own under the table, eyes meeting from the corners of their vision. his eyebrows just barely knitted together like he disapproved of what she said, and as jyp looked back up, juyeon shifted to cross her legs.
“so,” he sighed and clicked his pen a few times “i’m just gonna go right ahead and ask; are you two in a relationship?”
changbin was the one to speak this time. “no.” he said stolidly, his tone flat and almost disinterested. “we’re just friends.”
“close friends.” she added
there was a moment of scrutiny from the man across the table who stared at them with narrowed, unmoving eyes. to be completely fair, both of their answers did sound a little uncertain, like they weren’t on the same page about where they stood. yet, jinyoung simply nodded and jotted down their words.
“that is good to hear, teamwork is an important piece of the puzzle. i hope this incident won’t impact your friendship.”
it was a blessing their boss wasn’t paying them any mind when he said this. even the most oblivious person in the world could have noticed the thunderstorm that brewed between them, growling and snarling as lightning struck with his words. they shared another knowing glance.
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the trip home was quiet.
changbin and juyeon walked side by side with an unfamiliar distance between them, sullen eyes wandering from the cold tile flooring every few seconds to get a glimpse of the other. neither dared to mention the dark clouds that hung over their heads and instead fell head first into the busy swirl of anxieties, only starting to get dizzy once they arrived at their front door. changbin prayed that someone - anyone - would be home to ease the aching tension between them but all hope was lost when he wiggled the handle to find it locked.
the younger boy sighed heavily as he fished in his pocket for the key and hurriedly unlocked the door, obviously frustrated and yet he still held it open for her.
once in the entryway they both turned away from one another to take their shoes off and throw their stuff down haphazardly by the door. from his spot on the ground to unlace his boots changbin could see juyeon face him for only a moment before she left to disappear around the corner of the living room, a heavy thud followed by a grumble echoing off the wooden floors. he finally worked the shoe off his heel and meekly followed after to find her slumped into the couch.
juyeon looked up at him through her dark lashes and, though her features were tainted with woe, she offered him a weak smile. changbin felt a kick to the chest and left a noticeable gap as he sat down beside her, his mannerisms and movements now much softer than just a few moments ago.
there was a good long pause where both of them searched for something to say. anything would have sufficed, honestly, because this melancholic silence was really starting to eat away at their shared sanity. or what little was left of it at this point.
“please say something.”
she’d never heard his voice so frail, so weak. like a child asking for reassurance that things were okay. and unfortunately, the older girl didn’t have anything reassuring to say. she opted for another approach instead.
“sorry for getting you caught up in all this.”
changbin habitually reached out to tuck the stray hairs behind her ear so he could see her face but decided against it halfway. he sat back. “it’s a two-way street, joong. you can’t take all the blame.”
“but i am to blame.” she hummed, her gaze everywhere but him “we wouldn’t be here if i just…didn’t do…what i did...”
“…ju.”
finally she looked back over at the delicate flower beside her who blinked away tears as he shifted in his seat. “i’m glad you did. if not i would’ve spent the rest of my life wondering what it would be like. whatever it—”
he stopped himself. he knew what it was. they both did. and it was a part of the past now, there was no point in weaseling around anymore. still, he couldn’t put the word to it.
“—it was nice. and for what it’s worth, i wouldn’t change anything. if given another chance i’d do it all again. i’d rather die at your hands than never have felt them at all.”
she couldn’t help but smile at his words. he was always so poetic.
“you’re really special, you know that? i don’t know if anyone’s ever told you. i don’t know if i ever told you. but i hope you know. there is no one else in the world that even comes close.”
while the older girl rarely allowed her painful emotions to be shown in front of anyone else, changbin was someone who wore his heart on his sleeve - feelings displayed before him for anyone to bear witness. so when he finally gave up on fighting the tears and let them fall in thick streams down his cheeks that met at the scar on his chin, juyeon had to look away.
“don’t do that.” her voice was shaky as she nudged him with her foot “i’m not going anywhere — neither are you. i’ll be right here for a long time.”
he finally broke his gaze from her figure to wipe his wet face. “i know - i just…i just wish things were different. i don’t want this chapter to be over yet.”
there was a beat before her response.
“i’ll keep the corner folded on your page.”
her words resonated a bittersweet song that played on his heartstrings and when he was finally able to convince himself to look back over at the close friend beside him, there was already that familiar doting smile on her lips. he could feel his eyes getting wet again as she reached out to wipe the overlooked tear on his cheek and, for the first time, her touch left a sting.
“i know your feelings are locked up tight and all but…” he winced “how are you so okay?”
juyeon took a deep breath, subconsciously self-soothing. “i have to be. at least on the outside.”
“you can’t keep that up forever”
“it won’t be forever. just for…” her comforting smile became muddled as the timeline began to unfold before her “…for a while.” she said. her mouth tasted bitter.
he wanted to refute her claims - to tell her that it was okay to show them (him) how she really felt, especially in the privacy of their own dorm. but as he took just a second longer to think about it, he realized she was right. they weren’t just automatically in the clear once the statement came out, and though he’d certainly have to make some adjustments, juyeon especially would be scrutinized far worse than he ever would. or any other member for that matter. it happened before for less. he just couldn’t stop wishing that things were different; the people and the standards and their boss and —
“hey,”
her soft hum pulled him from the spiral.
“one day we’ll look back and laugh about this. and things will be different, but it’ll be okay. it is okay.”
changbin caught her fingers to pull her hand away from his cheek, deciding instead to cherish how perfectly the puzzle pieces of their palms fit together just one more time. he watched his thumb trace over the tattoo on the back of her hand and spoke so softly it was almost like he didn’t want her to hear him.
“i’ll ache over you until then.”
juyeon gave his hand a squeeze, and in that soft voice he used to adore, she put the final nail in the coffin that sealed their fate. maybe it was cruel of her; finally putting a word to it now of all times. but to her it was more like a secret message to the universe. like folding the corner of a page to revisit it later.
“the love isn’t going anywhere, bin. it’ll always be here.”
without the context she kept hidden inside, her original theory was correct; it was cruel. and her choice of words hit him like a truck. though he’d never been stabbed before, changbin could imagine that it felt pretty similar to this. and just as the tears began to fall again, there was a commotion on the other side of the room.
the pained pair whipped their heads in horror to see what it was - who had just stumbled upon something they definitely shouldn’t have - only to find chan waddling out of his room, eyes bleary with sleep. his hair stuck up in all places and as his focus zeroed-in on the recently accused chan was quickly brought back to reality.
“hey — are you okay? the meeting?”
changbin still hadn’t gotten past that word yet; love. it rang in his ears like his morning alarms, jarring and above all else, frustrating. that just left juyeon to handle the damage control and thankfully she was quick to jump into action.
“meeting went fine, binnie just felt bad i got in trouble.” she feigned nonchalance and fluffed his hair while he wiped his tears “but it’s okay, nothing’s changing and there should be a statement soon.”
changbin sniffled and plastered on a weak smile with a thumbs up to help the cause. it seemed to work as chan nodded with a yawn.
“well, i’m glad it went well. sorry you got in trouble, biya.”
she stood with a shrug, finally leaving the younger boys’ side to lighten the tension she felt with a joke as she grabbed a drink from the fridge. “it’s fine. just can’t be friends with my friends on camera, that’s all.”
chan chuckled dryly, “you’re funny, but that actually makes me very sad.”
“want a hug?” she offered over her shoulder as she unscrewed the lid.
“of course!”
the leader (who seemed like both the oldest and the maknae at times) giggled and happily bounced over to her, arms wrapping around her waist to lift her off her feet in a tight bear hug. he made incomprehensible squeaky noises as she wheezed and set her back down with a pat on the head.
juyeon laughed breathlessly as a result of having all the oxygen squeezed from her lungs. “better?”
“for now.” chan beamed. the chirp! of a twitter notification made his phone vibrate in his pocket and upon checking it he looked back to changbin, tears gone but the emotion still prevalent. “the rest of the boys should be bringing food home soon and then we’re going to the studio. you guys coming?”
both parties hummed in response.
he nodded and began to backpedal toward the bathroom. “kay, then i’m gonna go take a quick shower before i have to fight for it.”
“don’t slip!” juyeon called after him
“we’ll see!”
chan entered the bathroom and made sure to lock it behind him before looking in the mirror to find the natural perplexed expression he had been biting back. did they think they were slick? juyeon and changbin may have been able to fly under the radar to their boss, but really, how could they ever deceive someone who knew them as well as chan did?
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snowtrapped34 · 1 year
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I have a drabble request... Smg3 finds out that Smg4 is getting bullied by some random jerk that doesn't like his video and Smg3 protects Smg4 when the jerk tries to physically hurt Smg4...
Candy, you frickin genius (is it okay that I call you candy?)but, hear me out: High school.
It's cannon that Three and Four went to the same school when they were younger, right?
SOOOO:
Three didn't have any friends at school, but he was still jealous of Four. We know this. BUT.
What if people at school found out that Four posted his memes online and was gaining popularity?
And Three wasn't the only one jealous of him?
Like, Three would be on his way to class or smth and he overhears some kids talking down a hallway. He would've probably ignored it. But then he heard Four's voice.
He decided to check it out and saw Four getting cornered by two other guys. He figures "Hey, free entertainment!" and stays to watch.
So, these two guys are backing him into a corner and Four is trying to reason with them like "Hey, I have no idea what you're talking about. I'm just trying to get to class," And then one of them lifts him up by the shirt.
Three has a sudden feeling of panic because "Holy shit is he about to get beat up?" But he doesn't know why. This guy that he's jealous of, that he's talked about several times of why he's jealous of him, is about to maybe get beat up, and he's worried? What the fuck man?
At this point, Four is scared out of his mind, Three is having an internal conflict, and these two guys are still asking him about his channel.
And then Four gets hit.
Three does a double take and almost laughs but holy fuck is he bleeding?!
Turns out, Four got clocked right in the nose and was currently getting blood all over his face and clothes.
Three decides then and there "Okay, intervention time" and he's still confused as all hell, but he goes through with it anyway.
He yanks one of the guys backward, and by some form of luck, gets him to knock over the other guy with momentum. Four gets dropped and is very confused when he saw Three standing there. Like, he'd never really interacted with him before this, so why was he helping him?
On the other hand, Three is currently having an internal yelling match because "Bro, take him to the nurse's office, he's bleeding!" But the other part of him says: "No! Why the fuck should we help him?", so the two just kinda stare at each other. Four is about to say thanks, but the two guys get up, all their attention on Three. And they're very clearly pissed.
Three's only instinct? Run.
Three got chased through 5 different hallways before a teacher stopped them, and he didn't know if he regretted it or not.
When asked about it in the present, Three denies all of it, but Four clearly remembers thinking "Did he just save my life?"
God- There's so much you could do w/ this idea and I love it
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chaosyippee · 2 years
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I feel like people do not talk enough about how Lou Jitsu had saved the brothers. I have not finished the season yet, though him giving up fighting and trying to keep his composure even when things are not going the right way . I am so. He was in the battle nexus for ten years. The person he thought he would marry betrayed him. I know it may be a kids show but the angst???? I am so. He seriously lost so much yet him caring for his sons is what kept him going I need a minute. Yes, Hamato Yoshi is not the perfect dad. He is flawed. Though he is trying and working to improve. I just can not get over that he swore not to fight again, though chose to fight for his sons. I am so . IT JUST ??? HIT ME . He has been through so much. There is probably even more. It just makes me so sad he went through all of that. Be as that may he still managed to have compassion in his heart. That is what really gets me.
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f3arow · 6 months
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EAT IT EAT THIS. i think zorales should be looked at all the time actually. and if you don't ummmmmm shut up :3
One has to wonder, when it comes to good and evil, how to wrangle it into your soft hands. How it writhes and wriggles and wrecks, because its sole mission is destruction of all you hold dear.
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suhnshinehaos · 1 year
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growing pains : the playlists
series synopsis : people say that you’ll experience three kinds of love in your lifetime. the first is an idealistic love, the kind that feels straight out of a fairy tale. the second is the hard love, the kind that will leave you with lessons about yourself and the love you want and need to experience. finally, the love you never see coming. this is the story of your three loves. pairing : svt 97 line x gn!reader genre/s : non-idol au, coming of age, angst, fluff, my attempts at humor
growing pains  ➤  masterlist
i. the idealistic love — the love that looked right
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" i've been afraid of changing cause i built my life around you "
ii. the hard love — the love you wished was right
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" go and break my heart in two... there's worse things i can take "
iii. the unexpected love — the love that feels right
** coming soon **
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takalzuoom · 2 years
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idk i literally just spat this out on google docs
The thick wooly towel did nothing to stop the scorching sand from heating your skin. Neither did the umbrella shield you from the belting sun, shining brightly for all to see and feel regardless if they wanted to bask in its warmth or not.
The cawing seagulls, steady breeze of wind and sand nipping towards you caused you cuddled yourself deeper into your own blanket, the one filled with old stains and had that one ripped piece caused by ace a while back. funny story, really.
The familiar sound of yells, shouts, screams, and howls of delight were heard all around you. 
Laughter, joy, you could name it all.
Yet.
Nothing felt as isolating as this.
The beach, filled with thousands and thousands of people per square inch. your friends, splashing along into the water without a care in the world. Yet you felt lonelier than ever.
like a ghost among the living.
better yet, a fish out of water.
Like a speck of sand being tossed around carelessly by the wind. Like your mind, it was off to god knows where.
It’s been 5 months since you’ve entered the world of twisted wonderland. Since you’ve stopped multiple overblots, made new friends, had excited adventures, tried new food, new fashion, learned new things and got a once in a lifetime chance in living in a world filled with magic.
It’s been 7 months since you’ve lasted saw walked the halls of your (old) school with your friends, complaining about those stupid kids with speakers playing the most annoying songs ever, laughed with your friends at the lunch table over the newest episode of that one show, since you last gazed longing at that cute girl across the classroom, since you’ve last shot milk up your nose from laughing too hard at a penis joke, since you’ve last went to the county fair with them, holding in your pee as you accidently drank too much of that way too salty lemonade they’d sell for $5.
Been 7 months since you last had a fight with your dad about him being an asshole, your dad trying to get you to watch his football game,  about scolding your mom about calling your ipad a ‘lap top’, your mom laughing a little too hard when she saw a cute dog video on ‘tiik tawk’, last had a movie night with your sibling, though secretly shit talking your parents. you couldn't even remember the last time you told your sibling they could go ‘fuck themselves’ for taking the car when you needed it, since you last had that picture perfect dinner with your family. The ones you would see in those mac n cheese commercials where the family would be laughing contagiously, where they had all the lines planned out for them, getting the timing right every time.
Even when those rose colored glasses shattered and you were met with the brewing discovery that that was it. That dinner was a one time thing and you’d never get that again. 
the gentle knock on the door when your partner would try to make it better, only for you to blow up at them, cursing them out so much that it’d make a sailor blush, or your late grandmother roll in her grave. only for everything to go back to normal the next morning. 
Yeah, you missed that. them .
It’s been 2 weeks since you last felt alive.
Since you’ve felt anything other than emptiness, hoplessness, that the world swallowing you and leaving you for dead in its acidic stomach, alone, in the dark.
your friends didn’t care. Well, they did.
Just not about you.
And look at them, why  would they? Ace, Deuce, Jack, Epel, Sebek and Grim? Look how much fun they’re having. Without you.
You’re the one who brought them together, so why were they bonding and having fun without you? Why were they brushing you to the side when you were their shoulder they cried on.
why were they pretending that you didn’t exist? 
Was it because they had a penis? Is it because they were all straight? You liked girls too, so why? Why were they not even glancing in your direction? Grim was a cat! So how come he was apart of the fun and not you? Why was he happy and not you?
Why were you suffering all alone when they were able to simply press a button and be met with their mothers sweet voice, dad’s bad attitude and their sibling’s snarky replies? 
it’s not fair. it’s not fair it’s not fair it’s not fair!
why do they get to feigned knowledge about the murder in the west campus’ bathroom. why does grim get the position of student due to the principle's fucking ‘benevolence’
You were tired.
You thought this was the life
Thought this would be a dream come true
What happened?
Oh right. They killed you last week.in the male bathroom in the west campus.
all because they couldn’t bare you having an ounce of happiness... of freedom.
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I tried writing a bit of pirate au but I thought it was a tad bit boring to read so I deiced to do some writing exercises instead : ie this and maybe some requests lol
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hadesfromspace · 1 year
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jrwi riptide ep 94 spoilers
I've been thinking a lot about Gillion and his relation to art and this episode felt like a gut punch to me because of this line:
"I'm bad at drawing and writing and creating."
I understand the artist's imposter syndrome of "i'm bad at drawing and writing i can't do good art" but he's saying that he's bad at CREATING. And I firmly believe that he was taught that by the elders.
Because we know that Gillion does art! Canonically! It was for one episode only (i think) but in episode 17 he pulls out a water-proof scroll and starts drawing the jellyfish! That is a sign that he's drawn before, he's used to drawing under water with scrolls but he just doesn't anymore! Why?
Yknow i'm still not really sure on how Gillion's backstory works and when exactly he was taken by The Elders, but i imagine that he got into art while training under The Elders, around the same time when he still took lectures and studied. Water-proof scrolls filled with notes and doodles of leviathans and cool sea creatures, sometimes whole scrolls dedicated to just drawings. Maybe not straight-up masterpieces at around 10~12 years old, but he drew a lot and put a lot of work in them. He had a hobby that he enjoyed.
And this did not go well with The Elders. They couldn't have a Chosen One who didn't spend every waking hour of his life training, and instead wasting precious scrolls on drawing pictures. So they start critiquing him on them. Discouraging him from drawing at all, telling him to use his time on something useful like training and practicing. Soon they start telling him that he's just not cut out for it. He's made to be a warrior, not an artist. A soldier, not a poet.
He's bad at creating.
And he doesn't pick up the pen after that. He discards his scrolls, probably throws out his artworks. Every single one of them. Tears them up, shreds them to pieces. He doesn't want to be reminded of another one of his failures, he doesn't want to be reminded of something that he thought he was good at. But after he gets kicked out by them, he goes to pack his things in a hurry. And he takes the scrolls out of an old habit from around his school days, stuffs them in his bag and rushes out, not thinking about it further.
I really want to see Gillion start to embrace his artistic side more and more once time goes on. The picture book was such a big step in that direction, and I think that the two rolls on performance really felt realistic; he drew the first one and he immediately felt that it was horrible, and he rips it off. The second one was a little bit better, but he still insists that "If you don't like it we'll just burn it." when he hands the book over, because he doesn't appreciate his art anymore. He doesn't appreciate the things he does because in his head, he can't create. He's bad at creating, he's a soldier and not a poet. A warrior, not an artist.
And I want him to find that spark again, to create and do art. Shitty art, mediocre art and good art. I want to see him create more things, slowly but surely getting out of the mindset that he's not good enough to create anything. Because that's not true.
TLDR; i get emotional over fish guy having creative imposter syndrome, something something he's a poet forced to be a soldier, i am going to strange every single one of The Elders fuck you you gave a perfectly good fish anxiety
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