#i made this while eating a whole box of mac and cheese by myself

[cowardlycowboys]

#omg kiera no one cares #i made this while eating a whole box of mac and cheese by myself #i will be sooo proud of eating healthy small things today and then I'll make my favorite thing and eat it all #each bite has huge guilt but mac and cheese with hotdogs so so good #i wake up take my silly little weight loss pill and then i pig out for dinner and then i take my silly little weight loss pill again #anyway slayyyyy #my memes

[ayearofgoodfate]

i’m staying awake making sure my roommate doesn’t start showing od symptoms. we tend to take things too far. i have my hell day later and it’s all i can do not to fall asleep but i miss my parents house even though they didn’t always know how to be parents and i miss my little brother and sister and my dog and my bookshelf and the wall i would tape up magazine articles and photos to whenever i got sad. and i think that college fucks you up a little bit. there is so much love here. there’s also so much trauma.

when i was about nine my dad decided that he and i were going to read every single book in the middle grade section of the library. my dad had a lot of passion and not a lot of ways to harness it so every saturday he would drive me to the library and he had this old grey car that he could never tame enough to follow the speed limit. and we’d just spend hours there. my dad never talked to me a lot, we never had conversations that weren’t in a group setting. he never told me things or asked me questions but i was a talker so he learned what would work to work around that. he read to me. he’d always read to me. we’d knock out a book or two in the library, literally just sitting there for four hours straight on the old blue carpet while he’d make up voices for the characters, then we’d take about twelve more books home for the week. I’d read most of them on my own, but we’d go through one or two together throughout the week before bed. when we left the library he’d always buy girl scout cookies in quarters from whoever was outside the library selling. we’d eat the whole box. dad never made it feel like we had less than. he never ever told me that we were as poor as we were. he has done a lot of things but i will love him for that forever. i will always defend my dad.

we stopped reading together after a while. he got tired or i got old and he’d joined the church and my siblings weren’t babies and suddenly there were littler kids that needed reading time too. we didn’t finish the entire middle grade section of the library. i don’t think we even made it halfway. i don’t think dad has gone to the library since. the last book we read, we didn’t finish, and i was a bitch about it. it was this big collection of science fiction short stories and the girls in my class had been telling me that stuff was for boys and i simply wasn’t having it. dad wouldn’t have that. every book is every book, so we trudged.

i got really sick that fall. i slept for days straight. my parents couldn’t afford doctors and probably wouldn’t have taken me anyway but dad was really good at taking care of sick people. he’d sit there and watch me breathe and make me mac and cheese and read to me and i’d be half asleep. this one story was about solipsism. i was delirious, drifting in and out of his voice, letting the idea of me being the only real person in the world marinate in my mind. i woke up three days later like i’d never been sick. i needed to read that story again because i needed to know it existed because, mainly, i needed to know that dad did and mom did and baby sister and brother and my friends and the book was gone.

i looked for it for years in different libraries. big. silver. i resigned myself to the fact that it was a fever dream and then like magic it popped up on the library shelves again. i took it out and renewed it for months on end and drew in it with the invisible ink pen I stole from office depot’s back to school sale. i marked it with my name and annotated it with notes on how dad read it when i was little and it was mine until it was overdue. years later i bought a used copy i found at a yard sale. annotated. i play around in my mind with the idea of trading the books out, as if i still live in a place where i could. the point is, it’s real. we’re real. dad was real, our library trips that had been half forgotten were real, and isn’t it nice to feel real and to know everything else is too?

I miss dad. my roommate’s breathing heavy and in a few hours she will wake up sick. between my classes i’ll raid my drawers and wallet for enough coins to run to cvs and buy her some mac and cheese because that’s what we both crave when we’re not doing too good. i will never tell her i paid for it in coins and i’ll never tell her i stayed up to make sure she’d be okay. we’re a lot alike and so i’m not even mad at her for what she did tonight. she just wanted to know she was real. she is my best friend and she has a lot of passion. i take to people like that, latch onto them like a leech because i was taught to feel deeply and anyone who doesn’t i seem to repel. i will go to class and not fall asleep, and i’ll wear cute clothes and there will be circles under my eyes and no part of me will match but that’s how i am and i can’t ever in good faith tell anyone why. i play around with calling dad a lot. I look at his contact but i can’t bring myself to hear the silence. i think that’s why i went to book school in the first place. i think it’s why i’m writing this.

#it’s 4:18 in the morning #and i might be delirious #but this #is my favorite #thing #i have #ever #posted #so slay #riley never shuts up

[hyephyep]

its a small thing, but i think the thing from hunger games that's stuck in my brain most is the "hollow day". at some point in the first book, while katniss was in the game and trying to survive, she had a day where she realized she'd eaten more than usual and was still really hungry. she said she's having a hollow day, a day where for no clear reason you will not feel full no matter how much you eat, and moved on to "how do i deal with this without expending my limited resources."

idk if hollow day, as a phrase, existed before hunger games or if suzanne collins made it up. but its been part of my vocabulary since. sometimes im just really hungry and i eat a lot and stay hungry and i go "ah, okay, hollow day." sometimes a headache is involved, though im not sure which causes the other. having a hollow day right now. chocolate, salad, toast. made a bowl of broccoli to go with mac n cheese, ended up eating it on its own and then making a second bowl. ate the whole box of mac n cheese, which usually fills me up. still hungry. currently pulling whole, length-of-a-forearm carrots out of the fridge and munching them down like bugs bunny. might end up cooking myself some wontons and rice or something.

[430amalarm]

I remember feeling alive.

I remember you hitting the highway ramp so hard i thought the car would flip.

I remember knocking the whole shed down, just to two of us, collapsing a building in our backyard with just our four hands.

I remember finding a desiccated animal underneath and debating whether or not to keep it.

I remember the square of dirt under the kitchen window where i planted parsley under the butterfly bush i always dreamed of having like my grandmother had that attracted catterpillars whose bodies i found in pieces after the birds found them.

I remember Alladins, i remember my first time eating grape leaves and baba ganush.

I remember wrapping my legs around you in the pool like i did to my parents when i was a child and you pushing me off you like id done something dirty in front of your parents and the strange and disturbing crushing weight of realizing that i was no longer a child.

I remember standing in the backyard, picking up the shed debris, talking to you about whether or not I should tell my therapist about how your kids made me feel and how much anxiety it gave you but i needed someone to talk to.

I remember sitting outside the bathroom door while you used it, shitting.

I remember sitting outside the hotel bathroom door, while you used it, loud shitting, anxious, apologizing, anxiety shits. I had just sucked your dick, any dick, for the first time.

I remember sitting in my mother car on the way to my first semester of college, listening to Homewrecking, thinking about how you were going to leave your kids and devote everything to making me happy.

I remember coming up with a game to make your kids eat broccoli.

I remember trying countless different recipes to make your kids eats vegan mac and cheese.

I remember teaching your kids yoga.

I remember teaching your toddler how to walk.

I remember your kids meeting our dog before adopted her at the shelter. I remember how she barely acknowledged them because she was so fearful and shut down. I remember being alone when i held her through seizures for two hours before finally begging my mom at 2am to drive me to have her put down.

I remember the bathroom in the apartment with the baby blue toilet and tub that was always freezing.

I remember the first time i did anal, in that apartment. I remember i didnt like it. I remember thinking i hope i dont have to do this forever.

I remember asking you what you thought about me bringing a girl into the relationship, i remember i had no one in mind.

I remember you asking me what I thought about bringing a girl in the relationship, i remember knowing you had someone in mind.

I remember putting a box of seed outside the aparment window. I remember learning what a titmouse was, how they were like the baby versions of my favorite bird, a blue jay, with that crest on their head but much more common. I remember learning to be happy when they visited me, with blue jays being so much more rare.

I remember how my grandmother use to feed squirrels out of her hand. Ive still never fed a squirrel out of my hand.

I remember hating the date you proposed to me. I remember thinking i wish i could do it over. It was cold, i was uncomfortable and i didnt like the jam and bread in the picnic you prepared and you gave me a blue feather in a frame because i said i didnt want a ring and it was a reference to my favorite video game where the character proposed to each other with blue feathers but the feather was synthetic and dyed and cheap looking and it was sweet but. Not magical. And i felt so ungrateful. I just wanted it to be magical. I told myself life isnt magical and this is good enough. And it stayed framed in our bedroom for a year and I dont remember what happened to it but it doesnt really matter because it was just a cheap frame and cheap craftstore feather.

And i got a job because you asked me to and i though everything was headed in the right direction and the job gave me anxiety attacks but i liked my coworkers and I remember not knowing how to quit a job and showing up just to say theyll never see me again and them asking if i could finish the week and me crying and saying 'no, no, i have to pack'

and i dont think you realized like i did that life isnt magical and i wasnt magical and you wanted something magical, like Twin Peaks something. Fantastical. Something horrible.

I remember holding you close as we layed in the floor in the "magic room", your office, my art studio. Singing "You and I, we were born to die." And thinking, I will remember this forver and never feeling so alive.

#more poetry for my therapist #trauma poetry

[the-learning-bri]

It’s early early Monday.

A transition period.

Moving from one week to the next. 

Last week was my first week of nothing and it was great and full of things.

I can’t believe its only been one week. It was drawn out in the most beautiful of ways. Days didn’t matter and their names were forgotten.

I think I’m establishing some habitual notions.

I’ve been reading (more than one book). I read Divergent in the bathroom mostly. I’ve been writing. Not every day but more consistently than ever. I’ve been doing hip mobility exercises with a weird determination. I’ve been gradually getting my room together. The past few days I’ve been drinking smoothies.

I’m proud of myself.

•

Yesterday I slept from midnight to 4ish am. Woke up on the futon and talked to Z who was aderallishly awake. We * around 06:30. * beautifully and it put us to sleep.

I woke up to her peoples saying good bye and went back to sleep till about 13:00.

I dragged myself out of the bed around 15:00 with the intention to make and eat a sandwich but there was bacon already so I ate waffles and made a smoothy.

Mommy said there was too much banana or something but there was no banana.

I put my side table together and put things on it. The room is coming along. I just need to find a place to put all of these book bags.

I watched Cam play beat saber and teied to understand the body language of Mushu.

There wasn’t much more to the day. Mommy made a delicious dinner with crab cakes and mac nd cheese and green beans and mashed potatoes and chicken I’ll try tomorrow. I had grape juice.

The whole family was down there while we ate and it was nice as always. Apparently you shouldnt joke about how many wives a Mormom man has.

I played Ms. Pacman and lowkey beat my high score. Apparently there’s a strategy to Galaxian. Daddy doesn’t know it but apparently Mommy wasn’t doing it.

I lost Spades. Won Spades. Won Hearts.

I finally got up from my futon. Used the bathroom and read. Brushed my teeth. Washed my face.

I straightened up a little bit then lay out my mat and did somw hip strengthening. I couldn’t pick my back leg up for shit. I did another hip opening yoga video but would only give it a 5.4/10.

•

Tomorrow I have a CJ maintenance appointment finally at 10:40. So I’ll set an alarm for 08:30.

I want to keep straightening up my room and maybe start pulling more clothes from boxes.

•

This week starts Mother Daughter Taco Tuesday. And on Wednesday I have a virtual date.

I need to figure out when to see Dr. Strange with Uncle Allen. I have to make sure the car is fresh.

This week I want to respond/ reach out to people. Start on my expenses list. Start on my thank you cards.

Good job with the habits.

Lets see if I can incorporate…

more water drinking. A workout or two. Some programming.

Overall I’m feeling confident about the week. Excited to see what I do. At peace with life.

•

Let’s see how long it takes me to fall asleep since I woke up 13 hours ago.

TIL: Smart phone cameras are valid cameras for many things especially if you are not down for the learning curve of a DSLR or mirrorless.

05/16/22 02:01

[digital-corruption]

I'm not too late! It's still 2021 somewhere in the world! Ahem... this New Year’s one-shot was requested by a lovely reader who was looking for something to brighten their day. So I rolled my sleeves up and said, "Challenge accepted!"

This is dedicated to everyone who could use a pick-me-up! May your New Year be a little bit brighter each day! 😁

A Duskwood New Year

MC: Damnit! 😣

Jake: What’s wrong?

MC: I just missed the train! 😓

MC: If I wasn’t such a klutz I would have made it!

MC: But no, I had to slip on my arse! 😤

Jake: Can you take the next one?

MC: No, that was the last one to Duskwood today.

MC: First my car, now this... 😩

MC: Looks like New Years alone again. Yay me! 😞

MC: I don't even have any champagne and the shops are already closed

MC: And all I've got at home is mac and cheese

Jake: I like macaroni and cheese :)

MC: SHIT! 😡

Jake: MC?

MC: Sorry, just realized I'm bleeding

Jake: From the fall?

MC: Yeah

Jake: :(

Jake: MC, I have to go, but I'll be back as soon as I can.

Jake: I hope I can get back in time for your New Year.

Jake: Please take care until then.

Jake is now offline.

Of course I missed his final messages as I was searching my bag for band-aids. I had found some, but applying them to my elbow was a whole other story. It took 4 in the end, 3 to cover the scratch and the 4th... we don't discuss the 4th. Because of that, I didn't get a chance to say good-bye before Jake logged out. Now I was worried sick as he left urgently, which was never a good sign. Please universe, forget everything else, don’t let him get caught. I can’t afford to lose him. I sent a quick text to Jessy to let her know I wouldn’t be coming and to give everyone else my regards.

I shuffled home to my apartment building carefully to avoid further slippage on the ice. Despite having two roommates, tonight they were out at their own parties so the apartment was quiet. The kitchen was a madhouse as washing up had been neglected again, but there was no way I had any energy to do it. I dropped my bag on the one empty spot on the table and walked off to the couch.

The area around the TV was a disaster with rubbish everywhere. I pushed it all aside to collapse on the couch face first. I should’ve been driving into Duskwood right then if everything had been going according to plan. We were all going to meet up at Hannah and Thomas' house and ring in the New Year together, it was going to be great. We hadn’t seen, well, I hadn’t seen them for so long. I missed their crazy hijinks and after the stress of the holiday season, I really could have used it.

Thinking of them, I pulled out my phone and checked my contacts. Of course none of them were online right now. They were probably all sitting around the table chatting away. Had they finished eating yet? Or maybe they were already digging into Cleo’s cake since they no longer would feel obligated to wait for me.

Well, if I was going to be stuck at home alone for New Years, I was going to do it in comfort. I rolled off the couch and dragged myself to my bedroom to change into my lounge pants and my sweater. Oh and of course, my fluffy slippers.

After getting changed, I searched around the kitchen for a clean pot and my back-up reserve of boxed mac and cheese. I picked up the box and found it empty. There was a note inside, “Sorry, I'll buy you more tomorrow! I promise!” The note did not look new, I wondered how long ago my mystery thief had stolen the contents.

Then I spotted it in the back, a lone can of pumpkin soup. I did not dare check its use by date. Surely pumpkin soup never expires.

Having prepared the soup in the only clean pot in the apartment, I sat back down on the couch with the last remaining clean bowl and spoon to eat. As usual, there was nothing worth watching on the TV, but I left it on for the noise while I ate.

The only solace I had that night was the knowledge that I could go up to the roof top just before midnight and watch the fireworks from there. Maybe Jake would be back by then and I could at least share the moment with him. Maybe the day wouldn’t be a total waste.

Having finished my most luxurious meal, I left my empty bowl on the coffee table, leaned back and kicked my feet up with my fluffy slippers. The broadcast on the TV was displaying the celebrations around the world. Maybe that was enough. If Jake didn’t make it back in time, it'd just be me alone. If no one is around to celebrate with you, what’s the point. I was so lost in my thoughts I hadn’t noticed it was already 10. I checked my phone again and still nothing, but looking at Jake’s last messages gave me an ounce of hope again. I'd be there waiting for him at midnight so hopefully he would be there.

However as time past and the clock turned 11:46, hope started fade again. Still no sign of him on my phone. Please don’t let today be the day he gets caught. That is not how I want to start the new year.

Outside in the hallway there was a sudden whirlwind of loud noise and voices. Someone else on the floor must have been having a wild party and it just spilled into the hall. I groaned at the thought of having to listen to them all night long. The voices though just kept getting louder and louder.

“Here it is!” a female voice announced enthusiastically.

Suddenly there was a frantic knock at the door.

“MC! Hurry up! It’s almost time!” a male voice shouted.

No, it couldn’t be. I stood up shaking nervously.

“MC~! I need to use the toilet!” another voice butted it. There was a sound of a slap behind the door. “Hey! Ow, that hurt!”

I couldn’t help, but laugh even as tears started to well up in my eyes. I opened the door slowly and sure enough they were all there waiting on the other side.

Dan pushed past me wearing novelty 2022 glasses, a multi-coloured top hat, green feather boa, and carrying a half empty bottle of whiskey shouting, “Wooo! Finally! I was busting!”

Thomas went after him mouthing, “Sorry" to me as he went.

“I-I don’t understand,” I looked back at the others.

“The strangest thing happened! We were all about to start eating cake when a limousine showed up at the door! Then there was this strange message on all of our phones,” Lilly winked.

“Yup, it asked us to get in!” Hannah beamed.

“Well actually it said, ‘Get in the limo,’” Richy clarified. “How strange that someone could arrange for a limousine last minute on New Year’s Eve though.”

No one pointed out to Richy the obvious explanation. Doing so would bring up further questions with likely dubious answers. We all silently agreed it was better not to know.

“So, are you going to invite us in or not?” Jessy tilted her head and smiled.

I suddenly remembered the state of everything, “But I'm not dressed and my place is a mess.”

“Uh, did you not see Dan?” Jessy giggled. “He's already won the worst dressed award for tonight.”

“Yes, and your fluffy slippers are too cute,” Cleo pointed at my feet. “But you know, this cake isn't going to eat itself.”

Before I knew it the others had pushed their way in. Cleo and Hannah went to the kitchen and started to dig out some plates and cutlery to wash up for serving out the cake. Jessy and Lilly tidied up around the TV. Richy went to assist Thomas with a very drunk Dan, who was trying to get out onto my balcony. I do not have a balcony.

“You guys,” I sniffed. “You didn’t need to come all the way here for me.”

“Uh, yeah, we do!” Jessy turned to look at me with the biggest smile. “I don't know how you do things here, but in Duskwood we always go to our family in need and tonight that's you!”

“Hey, everyone! Sixty seconds!” Richy announced.

“Wait!” I called out. “We have to go to the roof! Trust me!”

“Rooftop party!” Dan cheered.

I quickly grabbed my keys and led the way out of the apartment and to the stairs. Thankfully it was only one flight of stairs to the roof.

“Hurry!” Lilly yelled. “There’s not much time left!”

I looked back and saw she had her phone out with a countdown open on the screen.

“10!” she announced.

“9!” the others joined in.

“8!”

I fumbled with the keys in the dark stairwell trying to find the right one.

“7!”

“6!”

I barely had the roof unlocked before Dan burst past me.

“5!”

I stepped aside while holding the door open to let the others through.

“4!”

Everyone was through, I turned back and marvelled at them standing on the rooftop of my building with the city’s lights behind them.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” drunk Dan shouted at the top of his lungs with his arms stretched out on the edge of the rooftop clearly too early.

We all laughed as the clock struck 12 and the city’s sky lit up with fireworks. The laughter soon turned to singing, well more mumbling, as we desperately tried to remember the lyrics of Auld Lang Syne with our arms around each other. As soon as we finished, we started to exchange hugs and wish each other individually a Happy New Year.

But something, no someone was still missing. I glanced at my phone and still there was no update from Jake. My heart sunk again. My thoughts were interrupted though a strange sound. The others were too occupied to notice, but I heard it. I turned to look back at the door for the building and in the darkness, I could see a hooded figure in the shadows trying to catch his breath. I smiled and left the group to walk over to him.

“Happy New Year, Jake,” I grinned.

He lifted his hand to wipe my tear-stained cheek with his thumb, “Happy New Year, MC.”

#duskwood #duskwood fanfiction #duskwood jake #duskwood dan #duskwood richy #duskwood thomas #duskwood hannah #duskwood jessy #duskwood cleo #duskwood lilly

[fandom-imagines-stories]

No Worse Company

gif credit: @holylulusworld​

Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 2385

The Deal S2 E2: Series Masterlist

Summary: The reader copes with her return while Jody tries to get a hold of the boys. Cas deals with what Lucifer did while possessing him. 

Notes: Here’s the next part in Chapter Two of the Deal Anthology! I hope you guys enjoy it. This one feels a little like a filler, but I’m really excited for the next part. 

-

He couldn’t stop looking. After everything that happened- all of the pain and the anguish, all of it his fault- he couldn’t stop looking. He had to find Lucifer and he had to put him back in hell. He owed you that. 

Driving down the road in his stolen truck, Cas’ eyes fell on the passenger seat. He frowned. That drive to St. Louis didn’t seem so long ago anymore. Sam and Dean’s cries as they watched the hellhound tear you apart were still fresh in his mind. He had turned away. At the time, he thought it's what you would have wanted. For him to have his final memory of you be one of your smiling face, content with the family you had found. Now he felt like he had turned his back on you. Now he was cursed to see your screaming face forever. 

He had to find Lucifer. 

Cas glanced down at his cellphone and sighed. Multiple missed calls and unopened messages from Dean filled his screen. He couldn’t face them. Not until he found the Devil.

-

One Week Ago

The police officer that found you had found some clothes that were two sizes too big but you took them gratefully nonetheless. You were sitting at her desk, staring blankly at a photo beside her computer. Her big happy family smiled over a picnic table on a beautiful sunny day. You wanted to put your fist through it. 

“Alright sweetheart, I’ve got someone on their way to pick you up.” The officer gave you a small smile. 

“Did you find Dean?” 

“Not exactly.” She pulled up a seat across from you. “It’s a good thing I was the one that found you. I don’t know much about those Winchesters, but I know that if any other cop in this joint put them through the system, they’d probably take you in for questioning. Fortunately for you, I have a friend up North that told me to give her a call if I ever heard the names Sam or Dean Winchester.”

“Look, I appreciate your help, but I can’t stay here.” You stood up, but she blocked your path. 

“Well you’re certainly not going out there on your own.” Her expression was caring, but stern. “I don’t know what happened to you, honey, but I know that going out alone will only make things worse for you.” 

“Believe me, I can handle myself.” Nothing in this woman’s imagination could even remotely describe everything that had happened to you. Still, the officer stood her ground.

“Right now you’ve got two choices. You can either stay here and one of the other officers will take you to a hospital, or you can come with me and we can meet Jody half-way.” 

“Wait… Jody?” Your face softened, the idea of seeing a familiar face warming your cool exterior. 

“Yeah, Sheriff Jody Mills up in Sioux Falls.” She put her hands on her hips. “Do you know her?” 

Jody, even though she wasn’t much older, was like a mother to you. She helped you and boys out when you needed and had saved your life on more than one occasion. You pictured being enveloped in one of her hugs and a small smile crept onto your face. 

“I used to.” 

“Then let's get moving. We can get you something to eat on the way there.” The officer grabbed her keys and started towards the parking lot. As you followed her, something caught your eye. Your face reflected back at you in the glass of the window and a moment of panic nearly took you off your feet. Your eyes were black. 

-

Now

You could tell that Jody had been walking on eggshells for the past week. After everything that was going on, you couldn’t really blame her. When she saw you the first time, she tried to kill you, thinking you were a shapeshifter or some other kind of monster. When she realized that it was really you, she was speechless for the entire ride back to Sioux Falls. 

Jody had been trying to get a hold of Dean for the past couple of days, but to no avail. The longer you waited, the more and more you debated running away in the middle of the night. Could you face him? Jody said that you’d been ‘dead’ for three years. A lot had changed. You knew that you were his Y/N anymore. Maybe he wasn’t your Dean. 

“Coffee?” Jody offered, holding a mug in front of you. 

“Thanks.” You took the warm ceramic mug and held it between your palms. The heat spread across your skin as the smell wafted up to your nose. Who knew a cup of coffee could hold so many memories. Sitting across from Dean in the kitchen of the bunker or looking over a case with Sam in the middle of the night with only caffeine to keep you going. 

“I might be a little later at the station today. Do you think you’ll be okay here?” 

“I think I can handle a few more hours of daytime television and boxed mac and cheese, Jody.” You smirked. She shook her head with a light chuckle. 

“I have to say, I missed that snark of yours.” She finished her own coffee before putting on her coat. “Now you call if you need anything, okay? I’m going to try and get a hold of the boys again.” 

“Jody…” You started, but looking at her hopeful face, you couldn’t bring yourself to say anything. Of course she would think that reuniting everybody would solve everything. She didn’t know what was lurking under your skin. You put on a smile. “Have a great day.” She put a hand on top of yours.

“You too, sweetie.” 

She glanced back at you with a flash of concern before the front door closed behind her. 

“I thought she’d never leave.” The voice made you jump out of your seat, the coffee mug sent shattering on the floor. A woman walked in from the hallway with a smug smile on her face. You lunged across the table, reaching for a knife from the counter. She grabbed your arm and pinned it to the table. With a single blink, her eyes turned jet black. “Boo.”

“Lavina.” You gasped, trying to yank your arm away. 

“Aw, you missed me.” She laughed, raking her nails across the back of your hand just deep enough to break the skin. “So how’s my little protégé doing back up top?” 

“How are you here?” She let you go and you examined the scratches. 

“What? You think the security in Hell is really the top priority right now?” She wandered around the kitchen, picking up the knife you had been reaching for and twisted it back and forth in the light. “Don’t worry, I’m not here to kill you. That’d be too easy.”

“Then what do you want?” 

“I’m just checking in to see how you’re holding up.” Lavina flipped on the radio and laughed at the tune. It was just the last few seconds, but it still sent a chill up your spine. 

“You know that you’re the only one to say okay. But you’re motorin’ yeah motorin’.” 

“I remember this one.” Lavina smirked. “Didn’t this used to be you and dreamboat Dean’s song?” 

“Shut up.” 

“What? Aren’t you excited to see your sweetie-pie Winchester again?” She read the fear behind your glowering eyes and chuckled. “Or maybe you don’t want to see him. Maybe you know.” 

“I have no idea what you’re talking about you black-eyed bitch.” 

“Maybe you know that whatever soul you’ve got walking around in that meat suit isn’t all you anymore.” The song on the radio ended and you recognized the next song as Bad Company. “Man, this station is on fire this morning! There’s no worse company than yourself when you’ve become what you have.” 

You tried to block out her words, but you knew that she was right. So you turned away so she wouldn’t have the satisfaction of seeing your fear. Your fists clenched at your sides. 

“Get out.”

“Sooner or later, you’ll be begging to come back to me. Begging to finally tear all of those souls apart. Begging to embrace what you really are. Let’s just hope you realize it before your precious Dean gets hurt.”

Bad, bad company til the day I die

With an angered scream, you grabbed a plate and hurled at Lavina’s head. She caught it and held it out in front of her. Clicking her tongue, she let it fall to the floor. The sound of the ceramic shattering made you jump. 

“Don’t worry. You’ll know how to find me.” The pieces cracked under her boots as she walked across the kitchen and vanished down the hall. 

You were shaking- from rage or from terror, you didn’t know. The image of your reflection back at the police station had been haunting your thoughts ever since. You had yet to look into another mirror out of fear of what you’d see. Lavina was right. Whatever Amara had brought back, it wasn’t you. 

-

Sam was surprised when Jody told him to meet her at the station rather than at her house. Maybe Dean was right. Something just felt off about this whole thing. Dean’s whole body was tense, his eyes scanning every part of the room, expecting to see a monster ready to pounce. 

“There you boys are.” Jody let out an exasperated sigh and pulled both Winchesters into a hug. Both could tell how freaked she was. Sam pushed back and put his hands on her shoulders. 

“Jody, what’s going on? Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. There’s just… there’s a different problem back at my house.”

“Is something wrong with Alex? Or Claire?” 

“No, no. It isn’t them. Alex has been taking a nursing course in Rapid for the past two weeks and god knows where Claire is.” She ushered them into her office and closed the door. “No, this is… weirder. It’d be best for you guys to just see for yourselves, but I wanted to prep you first.” 

“Prep us for what?” Dean asked, that deep feeling in his gut returning. Jody looked at him with sympathetic eyes. 

“For what you’re going to see.” 

“Jody, what are you talking about?”

“I can’t explain it. I don’t know what happened. One minute I’m dealing with a couple of pot-smoking kids and the next I’m getting a call from a friend of mine saying that…” She took a deep breath to keep from rambling. “Like I said, it’s better for you to just go and see her yourselves.” 

Sam and Dean exchanged a look and Dean’s forehead creased with confusion. 

“Her?” 

-

Cas stood alone, looking out on the vast lake before him. His search was getting him nowhere and nothing was helping with the visions. Everywhere he looked, he saw hands slick with your blood. Every car horn or singing bird was replaced by your screams. He was supposed to be your friend. Lucifer used that against him. 

“Cas, please I know you’re in there somewhere.” You cried, just earning another punch to the gut. 

“I’ve got to admit, you’re holding up a lot better than Dean ever did down here. Only took him 30 years to give in. It’s been, what, 300 for you?” He blew out a low whistle. “For a while, I liked having Crowley as my chew toy, but when I found out you were down here, man I just couldn’t resist.” He laughed as he ran his finger down your bloody arm. 

“Cas…” You pleaded, screaming when he drew a blade down your face, just missing your eye. Blood dripped from your temple, making it hard to see You were used to pain by now, but this was different. This was looking at the face of your friend and seeing only malice. 

“Lavina told you about good old Dean getting ganked by Metatron, right?” Cas’ gave you a fake pout. No, not Cas. Lucifer. “I mean, come on. Metatron? Of all the angels in heaven that’s the one that quote-unquote ‘Michael’s Sword’ bites the bullet for?” He laughed picking something up from the table. “I guess that’s not really the right expression, right? His death went a little more like this.” 

He shoved the angel blade deep into your chest and your mouth fell open, but no scream came out. He grabbed you by the hair and lifted you up so his lips were by your ear. 

“All of this- the suffering and the torture- was for nothing. You saved Dean only for him to die a few months later. You’re death meant nothing. You mean nothing.” When he let you go, you fell to the floor, held up only by the chains on your wrist. Your blank eyes stared back up at him. Not that it mattered. You’d be awake soon enough for him to start over. 

-

When they got to Jody’s house, Dean had one hand on his pistol and the other clenched at his side. Sam stood up a little too straight, clearly on edge from whatever lay beyond that door. Jody turned the key and the three went inside. When Jody got to the kitchen, however, her face fell. 

“Damnit.” She muttered, pulling out her own weapon. The boys joined her, looking down at the shattered plate on the floor. Sam and Dean went to search other rooms in the house while she cautiously opened the back door and peaked out into the yard. With a sigh, she holstered her gun. “Out here, boys!” 

Sam was first, but he froze on the spot. He just stared, eyes wide and heart pounding. Dean had to push past him to get out the door. When he did, that feeling in his gut made him sick to his stomach. The last time he saw that face, it was being torn apart. 

You dropped the whiskey bottle into the grass and felt tears welling up in your eyes. He was finally here. 

“Dean…” You gasped, wanting to reach for him, but you couldn’t move. You were frozen under his glaring eyes. It wasn’t until his pistol was aimed at your head that you snapped out of it. 

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks; @kendahl0216​

Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624; @halesandy; @livshaes; @d-whinchestergirl87; @mrspeacem1nusone;  @crist1216

The Deal Series: @writeroutoftime; @ minninugget; @mia-ono; @erule; @ dannyo000

#dean winchester x reader #the deal #bad company #sam winchester #jensen ackles #supernatural imagine #jody mills #supernatural #castiel #lucifer #dean winchester #the winchesters #demons #hell #the deal anthology

[innocent-chris-evans-slut]

The Assistant - Part Two

My Masterlist ✨

Series: Personal Assistant - Part Two

Summary: Y/N is Ransom Dysdale’s assistant. She’s the closest person to him and spends everyday with him at his house. Usually she gets in at nine o’clock and makes sure everything is perfect. One day he doesn’t want to get up and Y/N goes in his room. She finds a surprise.

Type (this part): smut, maybe a little of fluff!Ransom at the end

Words count: 3,7k

Warning(s): fingering, sex toys, dirty talk, overstimulation

“F-fuck…” you moaned as you felt his tip pressed against your folds, “Please”, you shut your eyes when he entered you -slowly, yet firmly.

His palms were placed at the sides of your head and you could feel his eyes on you face, inspecting your facial expression as he buried himself inside you -deeper and deeper. He filled you so well. It was nothing like before. You had never tried anything like that.

“M-more..” you asked and the man accomplished you, hitting your g-spot again and again, filling you up perfectly.

“Say it, baby girl”, a slow, deep thrust. You knew that voice, it was so familiar, yet you didn’t know who was talking to you -being unable to open your eyes. “Say that you’re mine. Only mine. None touches you as I do. None knows your soft spots. I’m the only one. Be a good daddy’s girl”.

Something switched in you; now you recognized the voice.

His voice.

Ransom’s voice.

Before the alarm could go off, you opened up your eyes and sat up against the headboard of your bed. You were short of breath and sweating, as if you had been running a marathon around the city. But you were not.

You decided to get up and head to your bathroom in order to splash fresh water against your hot face, yet, when you took your first step, you felt your inner tights being sticky. You looked down and your skin was completely covered by a warm and slimy liquid. You closed your eyes and took a few deep breaths.

You’d just had a wet dream.

A wet dream about Ransom Drysdale -also known as your boss.

A couple of hours later Sam -Ransom’s chef- and you had breakfast together, since Ransom wasn’t at home that morning, and you two had a moment of relax before going back to work. You liked talking to Sam; even though he was a lot older than you, you had always had topics in common. Not to say the friendly relationship you had -being the only ones to have resisted the temptation of quitting the job after only a couple of days.

“He’s mentioned something about a package incoming”, Sam made a small piece of paper sliding across the marble surface up to you, and you picked it up, reading it, “That’s for you”.

I want you at home until 9:30. Feel free to buy dinner with my credit card.

You crumpled it and threw it in the trash. “I’ll be in the office if you need me”, you threw him a kiss and grabbed my bag, heading to Ransom’s office.

As you entered the room, you smelled its typical smell: good old wood. The old library, given to him by Harlan, was the oldest furniture piece in the entire house. Entering the office was like entering in another house, an older house -just like Harlan’s- and you hated to admit that, but you actually liked it.

Probably it was your favorite room to stay. The piece of furniture you loved the most was the visibly expensive mahogany desk with golden finishes where usually Ransom worked -when he was in the mood of actually working. On the top of it there was a green lamp and a pen holder, made of the same material of the desk. Since you firstly came in there, it had always been messy -just like him.

Right next to the door, there was yours, instead; it was a little bit smaller than his but was certainly better arranged and on the top, there was a glass-made vase with orange and yellow tulips. According to you they brought a little bit of joy in that place.

As you were about to switch on your personal computer, Sam called you back in the living room. There you found a black box, with little purple sketches on the extendable side, placed on the table in the left part of the big room.

“What’s this?” you spoke up just enough for the man in the kitchen to hear you, “What do I have to do with it?”

“Is there any card?” he shouted back, while drafting the shopping list for the week, “Search for it!” And you did it. Yet there wasn’t anything for you. Since you couldn’t figure out if you were supposed to move it or not, you thought of moving it to Ransom’s bedroom on the first floor. You placed it down onto the coffee table in front of his bed and sat down on the white leather pouf armchair.

You stared at the package, wanting to unwrap it, but knowing that Ransom wouldn’t have liked it. You had always been a curious girl, since you were a child -a meddler, as your mother would have called you. You couldn’t help it.

Maybe it had been exactly that characteristic of yours to push you to start a life in Boston, away from Belmont.

Away from those who had turned their backs at you.

At the end you decided to go back downstairs and return to your jobs for the day. You didn’t leave the office until lunch -which you spent together with Sam in the backyard. Only the two of you, eating a dish of mac ’n’ cheese.

“Can you lend me your recipe, please?” you took another forkful in your mouth and shut your eyes as you tasted it, “That’s so good”.

“I don’t thing you’re able to cook without set your flat on fire”, he laughed as he took a drink of water, “But you’re welcomed to grab dinner with me and my wife, if you want”.

You smiled and thanked him for the invitation, asking him how Eve was doing. You had been knowing them for two years -since Ransom had hired you.

He was about to answer your question when you both heard the engine of a car being turned off and a door being violently closed.

Ransom was back.

You quickly recollected your dishes and glasses from the backyard and made your way in the kitchen, through the back door -not wanting to be seen, and then scolded, by your boss. You helped Sam cleaning them and putting them in the dishwasher.

When Ransom entered the kitchen, you were sat on a stool, reading some papers about a new Thrombeys’ purchase in the city.

Ransom’s lawyer had already read the contract and he had also specified on the paper where the man had to sign. Being it your job, you handed Ransom a pen as soon he had sat next to you on the stool and told him to sign.

“Whose?”

“Your mother”, you replied, knowing what he wanted to know. You watched him nodding and rapidly putting those signs she needed to buy the estate. “Are you hungry? Anything to eat?”

Being the asshole he was, Ransom turned to you and, placed his face on his fists, he stared at you. His unbearable smirk showed up. “Sweet like you or salty like me?”

He wasn’t even trying to hide the fact he was provoking you. You knew he just wanting to see you embarrassed and stumbling over your own words. But you couldn’t give in to him.

You took a deep breath and stood up, fixing your long beige dress as it raised when you’d sat down, “Excuse me, I have work to do”.

While walking out the room, you overheard Ransom’s giggle and Sam trying to get his attention. You felt his eyes on you -especially on you butt.

For the whole afternoon you and Ransom had shared his office. He had been doing everything, except working. And what got you on your nerves was his constantly moving on his chair, tapping with his fingers on the surface of his desk. You didn’t want to raise you head, yet you knew he was staring at you while typing on the keyboard. You glanced over the clock and noticed that there were left still three hours before you could actually walk out of Ransom’s house.

All of a sudden, he got up and approached you, bypassing the desk and placed himself behind your back. You shivered as you felt his hot whisky breath crashed against the back of your neck, pointing out that he was closing every kind of distance between the two of you.

“Hugh, there’s anything you want me to know”, you tried to stay calm and not to let him notice how nervous you were.

From that night, you avoided any kind of contact with him, trying to stay away as possible from him. The day before he had never showed up; Ransom had stayed in his bedroom the whole morning and, in the afternoon, he had been with his friends. But the next day he seemed not wanting to let you breathe. Since he had got back from Harlan’s mansion, Ransom had been stuck to you -in the kitchen before and in the office then.

“There’s something I’d like to ask you, but I answered myself”, he placed his hands on both the armrests and leaned closer to you. His lips no more than an inch away from your neck, “You know what?” Ransom saw you swallow and lift your shaking hand from the keyboard, “I’ll go open the box from this morning”.

You let out a deep breath as you saw him leaving the room; you breathed in and out heavily and tried to keep calm, before going back to work.

“Mr. Drysdale, I’m done for today”, Sam said entering the living room and stopping his walk once in front of Ransom, “Anything you need?”

“Nope, you can go.”

The man quickly thanked him and left the living room, he came back to the kitchen -where you were ordering Ransom’s and your dinner, “Still working?”

“I think so. See you tomorrow”, you winked at him and looked him leaving the house, directed to his own house -to his wife.

As he had shut the door behind him, you heard Ransom calling your name. You panted and got up, you opened the door that divided the kitchen and the living room and found your employer sat down on the couch, arms rested on the headboard and legs partially opened.

As an arrogant King would sit on his golden throne.

“Is there anything I can do for you, Hugh?” you hoped he would ask you to bring him a glass of water, that’s why you didn’t bothered to bypass the couch to look him in the face. You just hoped Ransom would leave you eat in peace and go home at half past nine.

Little did you know about the plans he had in store for you that night. And none of them included you leaving his place.

“What am I going to have for dinner?” he asked, taking a sip of whisky from his glass. When you told him that you had ordered from his favorite bistro in town, he showed you a little smile and his focus went back to the television, “Why don’t you stay here with me? I’m bored”.

“Y-yes. Just…let me take my book from the kitchen”, dazed with his behavior, you took a step back and headed to kitchen -again. This time you stayed there for a couple of seconds -just enough to grab your book from the counter- and headed back in the living room.

Ransom noticed how you carefully looked at him, before taking a seat on the nearest armchair, “Are you afraid of me all of a sudden?”

He knew it wasn’t like that. Actually, you were the only person who could fall him in line with a single look and the power you had always had over him was frankly shocking. It took Ransom a week to understand that he would ever impose himself over her, because he knew he would fail miserably.

The first time you said no to him, it was a proper first time for him. Ransom was used to ordering people what to do and he was used to girls falling at his feet as soon as he talked to them, but you had never given him the power to let you down. Instead of having an intense discussion with him -with the danger of being fired-, you preferred silently to walk out and managed to solve the problem according what was better for you -knowing that eventually Ransom would have agreed.

“What have given you this feeling?” you asked never raising your eyes from the book you had been reading in the past half hour. It wasn’t the first time Ransom had seen you studying at work and it was okay with him, as long as you had finished all your tasks for the day, “But not”, you finally met his light blue eyes, “I’m trying to summarize the last few pages, but I can’t understand a word…” you gently throw the book on the little table and gently pressed the tips of your fingers against the base of your neck.

“You know that there’s a simpler and more natural way to release your stress, don’t you?” those words came out in a very serious way, though he had his usual filthy smirk on, “I can help you”.

“I would have accepted, if only you hadn’t added the last sentence”, you put away your MacBook and definitely closed the book, letting it slip in your backpack.

“C’mon! You know I can help you feeling better”, he stood up and gradually came closer to you. Once again, you felt his hot breath on your collar bone and -just like in the office no longer before- he had placed his hands on the armrests of the chair you were sat on, “If only you could let me slip my fingers under this dress”, Ransom softly moved one of his hands to your knee and slowly rose it up to your middle thigh, “Just like the other night. Oh God, I still remember your taste. Juicy and sweet”.

You tightened together your thighs -in order to ease the pleasurable ache between them-, hoping that he wouldn’t notice the movement, “Hugh-“

He cut you off, “I know you’re dropping. Don’t think you can hide your arousal from me”, this time he lifted your light beige dress and slipped his fingers underneath it, “I’ve also bought a new toy to play with”, he moved even closer to you. Without any warning Ransom placed his lips on your collarbone and kissed it.

You noticed how soft his lips were and how skillfully they were moving on your skin, as if they have been trained for it, “Ransom…” you whispered, directly into his ear.

A shiver ran down his spine and he stopped for a moment, just enough to glance at you -eyes closed and mouth partially opened.

“Do you wanna try my new toy?”

As if you were in trance, you agreed to follow him in his bedroom -like the last time he invited you to his room- and, once you had taken off your boots, you walked a step behind Ransom. In front of his bedroom’s door, he quickly looked over his shoulder, to check on you, and non-verbally asked you if you still were with him.

You weren’t blindfolded; you knew how he liked to play with girls, how he liked to tease women only to make them weaker. Yet you decided to step in his bedroom and, once there, it was impossible for you to turn back.

“Sit down on my bed. In the middle”, he ordered, and you complied, raising you dress up to your hips and sitting down, waiting for him, “I’ll tell you only once: you’re allowed to call me Sir. Purely and simply Sir. Do you understand?”

You swallowed while staring at his broad shoulder handling something in his wardrobe. You couldn’t clearly see what he was taking with him, but you were sure the sheets would have become wet, if he didn’t hold his promise in the following two minutes.

“I haven’t heard an answer yet.”

“Y-yes, Sir.”

And again, he felt goosebumps as he heard you calling by that name: “Good girl”, he hid his new toy -as he liked calling it- behind his back as he walked towards the bed, on which you were quietly waiting for him, “And I see you’re still dressed. You can keep it, I like it, but you gotta me those pretty claret slips of yours”, he pointed at your core and stood up until you hadn’t given him what he wanted. Once done, he sat behind you.

Your legs were forced widely opened by his, wrapped around them, and both your arms were on his thighs.

“Since we’re here to let you release your stress”, Ransom left another kiss on your shoulder and kissed all the way up to your jaw, “You’re allowed to cum…every time”.

You were about to reply when you felt his fingers make their way to your core, between your folds, and your clit being gently rubbed by his thumb, “S-sir, please…”

“I know. I can’t help but teasing you”, and then he revealed the toy he was going to use on you: a vibrator.

Before you could see it, you heard its buzz against the mattress, and you shivered, “Are y-you…are you going to use it on me?” you felt your back being pressed against his chest and it was surprisingly soft and comfortable, yet strong enough to keep the both of you up.

“You don’t get to talk so much”, without you realizing it, he held the silver vibrator in his hand and took it near to your entrance, “So now…shut. The. Fuck. Up”, and a moment later you felt the cold round tip of the toy hitting your core.

The toy slipped on your clit and between your folds pretty easily -being you completely wet- and you closed your eyes as the wave of pleasure hit on you. You suddenly felt all the stress collected in the last days being wiped out of your body, “R-ransom”.

“Not my name, sweetheart”, he didn’t look at you while answering, he kept his focus on what was going on between your legs, “Then, I stop when I want to”, having said that, he pressed the vibrator harder against your clit, making you shiver.

Your hand gripped his knee and you threw your head back, laying it on his shoulder, “P-please…” the pain you felt soon became pleasure again and you exploded against the cold metal. Your breath became heavier and the knot in your stomach grew harder.

When you came a third time, you moved your hands up to his biceps and stuck your nails into them, “I c-can’t do it”, you whispered to his ear, jaw clenched and eyes shut together as you begged him to stop.

You couldn’t define it a torture because the pleasure Ransom was giving you wasn’t anything you had seen before. It was like he knew which buttons press in order to make you release. But the awesome sensation soon turned into pain as the vibrator against your clit intensified its pace. It went from level two to level four in a matter of seconds.

“I’m sure you can handle this. Especially because you handle me every day”, he wiped away one drip of sweat from your temple and cupped your face, “Just one more”, he smirked and said: “Maybe two”.

With his left hand, Ransom pressed the toy more against your core and two fingers slipped inside you. Just like the other night, he felt your tight walls clenching around his fingers as the climax approached, and he tried to push himself upper in your channel and, the more his fingers went up, the more your walls were tight.

“Do you feel my fingers, deep inside of you”, Ransom left a kiss on you shoulder, where a reddish mark was showing up, “God, I can’t wait for me to be buried inside you. Entirely. You will take my cock so well, all of me”.

The dirty talk was making its work, and the fourth time you cum, the releasee was stronger than ever. You felt so overwhelmed. You only wanted to close your eyes and fall asleep on those perfumed sheets, yet you were one orgasm away from your peace. And you wanted to feel the knot in your stomach again. Ransom’s fingers inside you, hitting your g-spot and providing you a wave of pleasure.

“Once more, baby girl. Do it for me. Do it for your Sir.”

As he pronounced that word, you emitted a long racking scream and you came undone around his fingers.

“That’s it. That’s all I’m giving you tonight”, Ransom looked at you as you tried to catch your breath, still shaking from the orgasm he had given you. Eyes completely opened -staring at the ceiling-, red cheeks and lips partially opened.

Face was his off-limit zone; he had never kissed his one-night stands. But that night he felt the urge of kissing you, crushing his lips on yours and explore your throat with his tongue. He wanted to give you the best kiss you would ever receive, and he wanted to taste your mouth, see if it was soft and sweet as he had imagined.

Yet he knew the next day would have your mouth over his cock and that image was enough to let him stop, before he could slip his lips on yours.

“I’m tired”, you said when you felt him standing up. You laid your head on the first pillow you’d found, and you closed your eyes, falling asleep.

When Ransom came back into the room from the bathroom, he found you crouched on the right side of the bed. He was holding a hot towel, with which he cleaned your inner thighs and your worn-out core, and then wiped away some drips of sweat running down from your forehead. But he didn’t limit himself there; he took off your beige dress -stating that it wasn’t comfortable to sleep- and put you into one of his t-shirts. Once he had done it, he took off his grey-blue sweater and tossed it on a chair, then got under the sheets and stared at the ceiling for a moment, before turning on his left side and falling asleep at the sound of you breathing.

Tag List -open-: 

@sinner-as-saint

@andreasworlsboring101

@hazmyheart

@this-is-serenaa​

@constantlywishingonstars​

@captainchrisstan​

@im-married-to-chris-evans​

@stargazingfangirl18​

@aurorajuarezwolf​

@vivien-1211​

@beepbeepbop​

@peaches-roses-sins​

@marvelbrat I’m sorry, i wasn’t able to tag u

#ransom drysdale #ransom thrombrey #ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x y/n #ransom thrombey x reader #ransom drysdale smut #knives out #imagine #smut #chris evans #chris evans imagine #chris evans x reader

[bedboat]

I can't actually eat it myself, because fodmaps, but apparently I achieved something magical with my Comfort Combo Mac & Cheese-- a recipe I definitely made up on the fly, half panicked because the proportions kept having to be re-mathed, but somehow it turned out perfectly in basically every way it was meant to, blessing of all blessings.

honestly, if you are less than 4 - 6 people you can probably halve this recipe, it's a lot of food. make substitutions! get messy! enjoy

1 box pasta, 500g (400 or 450 will be plenty) (we used the twisty kind with the ridges-- cavatappi-- but you can use classic macaroni or whatever)

-- first step is to boil this, drain, rinse w cold water to stop cooking, and set aside.

1/2 cup butter, and

2 cloves garlic & 1 large shallot (or 1/2 sweet onion)

-- second step is to melt the butter on medium-low heat (use whatever giant pot you'll be using for the whole mess, and when in doubt stick to lower heat until whichever thing reaches its desired state), and cook the onion/shallot in it until translucent & then add the garlic for another 1 minute.

6 TBSP flour -- add this slowly, mix thoroughly and evenly, to ensure no clumps. if it's getting too thick too fast, add a little milk in to help it out.

4 cup whole milk -- I figure other milk would work pretty much the same, this is just what we had. add the milk in slooooowly, while stirring. again, this is about making sure there are no clumps of gunky flour.

I don't think I actually measured the cheese tbh.

LOTS of cheese (grated, not pressed down or anything, for the sake of measuring. also important not to get pre-packaged shredded cheese because it has weird starches and messes up the sauce) for the main sauce, probably about

1cup havarti,

2cup mozzarella,

2cup cheddar.

ad the cheese slowly/incrementally to the sauce, again while stirring, if it all goes in in one clump it'll be really hard to melt and stir.

(set aside another 1/2 cup of mixed or favourite cheese for the top, after its all in the pan.) you can use whatever cheeses you like, doesnt have to be these that I listed-- though it does seem like the havarti had something to do with the magic of the texture.

Congratulations, you made it to noodle time!

now you can add the noodles you drained earlier into the vat of cheesey sauce. throw in some spices if you like, this is where I added pepper/paprika/salt (other ideas, not necessarily together: chili powder, mushrooms, oregano and sage... the list is pretty endless. I personally find bacon to be too strong a taste but I know many others love it dearly, so throw that in there)

I added about 2 cups of shredded chicken (I just got it from the safeway deli tbh, it's from a rotisserie chicken), some paprika & salt/pepper to taste. a little extra garlic salt.

once it's all stirred up and you're happy with the taste, dump it all into a big baking pan, sprinkle remaining cheese and/or cracker crumble over the top, and the bake time is 350 for 20min (or until the top looks tasty, basically).

for the cracker crumble top, I smashed up some ritz crackers in a ziploc bag and then mixed them with some melted butter (makes it good when it bakes) before spreading it out.

this can feed a few people for a number of days (should reheat well), or it will feed several people at once! it makes a giant pan of pasta.

maybe y'all out there can enjoy

#recipe #food cw #mac and cheese #comfort food #cooking #homemade

[prettyinlimegreenboots]

It’s been a long time since I’ve put fingers to keys. I’ve had some amazing cheerleaders here on Tumblr who have helped me get out of my writer’s block and actually put pen to paper. As always, feedback is most appreciated!

Warnings: cursing

Prompt: my neighbor’s at my door asking if everything is alright because it smells like something is burning and I was only trying to cook for once and this is embarrassing but they decided to help me fix this mess.

The fire alarm blared as he opened the open to check on the chicken. Smoke billowed out as a cuss word escaped his mouth. Between the blare of the alarm and the choking smoke, his heart beating loudly in his ears as the panic started to creep up his back.

Grabbing the pot holders, he reached into the oven, grabbed the glass pan, dropping it on the stovetop with a groan. “Great.” He muttered, shaking his head as he made his way over to the blaring smoke alarm.

Waving the pot holder in front of the blaring alarm, he sighed as silence enveloped the apartment.

The silence was interrupted by a hurried knock on his front door. Another groan escaped his mouth as he tried to figure out who could be on the other side. Mrs. Wilson was a crotchety old woman who lived two doors down from him and always tried to bring him stale cookies and always told him he could stand to “eat a bit more”. Or it could be the cute boy who moved in the month before. Albert didn’t want to get his hopes up but he was praying that it was the latter rather than Mrs. Wilson.

Walking over to the door, he hurriedly yanked it open as the cute stranger quickly lowered his arm. Albert pushed a sheepish grin onto his face as he leaned against the door jam. “Hi!”

“Everything okay?” The cute boy asked, raising an eyebrow in question. “It smells like something is burning and those fire alarms do tend to blare pretty loudly.”

“Just trying to attempt to cook dinner.” Albert scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. “Sorry about the disturbance.”

The cute boy smirked. “I’ve seen food being delivered at all hours of the day. Why mess up the system you so clearly have down pat?”

“Do you have a name? I can’t keep calling you cute boy in my head. And for your info, I was told by a very important person to quit wasting my money on takeout and learn how to cook.” Albert shrugged. “Clearly it didn’t go well.”

The cute boy chuckled, shaking his head. “Cute boy, huh? It’s Thomas but all of my friends call me Finch. And for the love of everything holy, don’t quit your day job. Also, if you need help, I could help you - that’s kind of my job.” Finch rambled on as a smirk crossed Albert’s face. Finch grinned, shifting his weight to hold out his hand. “And cute neighbor boy, what’s your name?”

“Name is Albert, but a lot of my friends call me Red.” Reaching over, he put his hands in Finch’s, shaking it. “If you’re offering, I’d love some assistance.”

Pushing open the door wider, Albert waved his hand as Finch slipped past him. “So what were you attempting to cook that ended in this disaster?”

“Chicken - thought a nice meal of chicken, mashed potatoes and broccoli. I wanted something that reminded me of home. Didn’t know this whole cooking thing would be so hard.” Albert groaned. “Why do you enjoy it so much?”

Finch chuckled, leaning against the cupboard. “It’s relaxing and you can create a good meal and afterwards appreciate your hard work.”

“Whatever you say.” Albert rolled his eyes as Finch rolled up his sleeves and quickly washed his hands before raising an eyebrow in Albert’s direction. “What are you in the mood for? I’d say your chicken isn’t salvageable.”

Hopping up to sit on the countertop, Albert smirked, giving him a challenging look. “What’s your favorite meal to make?”

Reaching to open the cupboard next to him, Finch chuckled. “Well, now I know why you like to order food in so frequently.”

“Grocery stores scare me. They’re overwhelming.” Albert shrugged. “And most of the time I don’t know where half the items I’m searching for are located within the store.”

Finch nodded, continuing his search for whatever was going on in his mind. “Make sense. That’s why I use a grocery app to get food delivered - problem solved. But you don’t have much here. Let me go grab some supplies from my place and I’ll be right back.”

Albert watched him walk out of his apartment with a shake of his head. He tried to figure out what the hell had just happened and if his life had just changed for the better. Before he could move, Finch was back with some items in his arms, dropping them on the counter to Albert’s right.

“Now where are your pots and a strainer?” Finch asked, looking over at Albert.

A wicked grin crossed Albert’s face. “Why do you assume I have pots and a strainer?”

“Well in my search, I found a zester so if you have that fancy piece of equipment, I’m assuming you have pots and a strainer, smartass.” Finch raised an eyebrow. “Now where do you keep them hidden?”

Pointing to the cupboard below his hip, Albert smirked watching Albert crouch down, ruffling through the cupboard for the requested items. “So . . . uhhh do you have a significant other?”

Filling the pot with water, Finch snorted. “That’s the best conversation starter you could come up with?”

“I mean, I hate awkward silence so yes.” Albert defended. “My brain is all mushy since you’ve taken over my kitchen. So . . .”

Finch put the pot on the stove with a nod of understanding. “Painfully single for the last three months. I had a bad breakup which left me searching for a place. You?”

“No, I haven't had one for a while. Constantly looking though.” Albert grinned, eyebrows raised. “So, what are you making me for dinner?”

Finch rummaged through the cupboard again, coming out victoriously with a grater. “Figured you can’t go wrong with mac and cheese . . . unless you’re allergic to cheese or wheat?”

“Nope and nope. You’re good there. But I am allergic to shellfish.” Albert grinned, as a phone dinged with an incoming text. They both moved to look at their phones. Albert groaned, letting his head hit the cupboard behind him.

“Duly noted. You okay over there?” Finch said adding some salt to the pot watching lazy bubbles bubbled in the water.

Albert threw his phone down on the counter with a sigh. “Big family to do this weekend that I’m slightly not looking forward to.”

“Big family?” Finch asked, opening the box of noodles before pouring them into the boiling water.

He nodded, flipping through the photos on his phone before stopping at a family photo, showing it to Finch. “Adopted family. Jack and Race are my older brothers. Romeo is my younger brother and Smalls is the only girl and my younger sister. Jack and Race’s significant others will be there as well. It’s pure mayhem and craziness.”

“Wow big family. Any nieces or nephews?” Finch asked, quickly stirring the noodles before turning the heat down slightly. “Also, make yourself useful and grate the cheese.”

Albert grabbed a plate from the drying rack before starting to do what he was told. “Jack and his wife Katherine have a little girl named Emmie and they’re pregnant with their second; they’re not finding out the gender because they want to be surprised.” Albert rolled his eyes. “Race and his husband Spot are in the process of adopting a little girl named Noelle. They’re hoping to finalize the adoption in the upcoming weeks. So it’s even more mayhem with littles around.”

“That’s gotta be fun. It’s just me and my younger sister so there’s not much mayhem when we all get together.” Finch shrugged, watching Albert for a second. “I don’t even want to ask but you do have butter in the fridge, right?”

Smirking, a chuckle escaped Albert’s mouth. “Yes, I have butter and milk as well for your info.”

“So when you referenced that a very important person told you to stop wasting your money on take out, who were you referring to?” Finch asked as he drained the noodles in the strainer before dumping them back into the pot. He quickly grabbed the milk and butter from the fridge before adding a bit of both to the pot as Albert dumped the cheese in.

“That would be my sister-in-law, Katherine.” Albert said with a roll of his eyes. “She stopped by last week and couldn’t believe all of the takeout containers in the trash and fridge. One hastily worded text message was sent to my momma and I got a strongly worded lecture on how I’m 25 and should be able to cook and fend for myself.”

Finch threw his head back laughing loudly, taking a brief pause from stirring the mac and cheese together. “Well, I’m 26 and I get the lecture all the time about dusting and vacuuming.”

“So you feel my pain.” Albert exclaimed with a grin. “But I’m thankful for all that momma has done and will happily take her strongly worded lectures on any given day, even if they’re a lil intense and leave me a little bit frightened for my life.”

Finch nodded, and with a final stir, he clapped his hand together. “Alright, I think this is ready. Bowls?”

Albert grabbed two from the drying rack. “Alright, here’s the truest test - fork or spoon?”

“Spoon, why kind of heathen do you think I am?” Finch exclaimed as Albert shook his head.

“The kind that uses a spoon in mac and cheese rather than a fork.” Albert deadpanned, giving him a look as he drew out both a spoon and a fork from the drawer. “You’re an absolute heathen and I’m almost ashamed to know you.”

Finch dished some up in each bowl with a smirk, handing one to him as he grabbed the spoon from Albert’s hand. “Almost ashamed? You mean our beautiful friendship might live to see another day?”

“I mean, we’ll see how you did with the mac and cheese but I’d say this could live to see many days, weeks, and possibly years.” Albert said, stabbing several noodles with his fork before putting them in his mouth. He wasn’t ashamed that the most ungodly moan escaped his mouth. “Holy shit, this is amazing.”

Finch laughed, spooning some into his own mouth. “Want to amend your words about keeping me around?”

“How about you go on a date with me first and we’ll see where things go from there?” Albert raised an eyebrow in a challenge.

Finch nodded. “That can be arranged. What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Apparently not getting take out and going out with you somewhere?” Albert bit back, before stabbing additional noodles and continuing to eat.

Finch grinned. “It’s a date.”

Thank you for reading! Many thanks to @cutesiewooren for being the ultimate cheerleader! So what did you think? If I was to continue this, what would you like to see? Any feedback would be lovely and would make my day!

#newsies fan fiction #writing #Drabble #writing prompt #newsies drabbles #albert dasliva #finch cortez #shamelessly flirting #Albert can’t cook

[descendantofthesparrow]

Encore - Part of your world - Part 21 - Valentines Day

*posted two hours after the day ended but i count it!!!!*

=

Harry slowly slipped out of your shared bed at 4:30 am, carefully pulling the black and red duvet back over your shoulders. He pressed a soft kiss to your exposed cheek and snuck over to his dresser, taking out his clothes and changing in the bathroom.

20 minutes later he was finally ready and left a small note on your side of the bed, giving you one last kiss before sneaking out of your room through the portal.

Hours later, you finally woke up, your jaw clicking as you let out a deep yawn and sat up, groaning a bit as you stretched and your back popped comfortably “mmm” you turned to look at Harry's side of the bed, raising your brow to see that he was gone. “Harry?” you called out, slipping out of the bed and walking to the bathroom, checking inside for your handsome pirate fiancé “you here?”

When no response came you sighed, turning back to the bed to go back to sleep for a bit when you noticed a note on the nightstand next to your side of the bed, Harry's handwriting just barely visible.

You walked back to the bed and picked up the note, letting gout a small coo as you read the note.

-good morning my love, happy Valentine's day! I got some plans for us today so just get dressed in something comfortable (bring a jacket) and I’ll come back to pick you up at 2! - your pirate

You glanced at the digital clock on Harry's side and nodded, it was only 9 am so you had 5 hours to kill.

Time to take a bath with your new bath bombs~

-

And with the last touches on your (light/heavy) makeup, you were ready for whatever Harry was planning.

You had decided to wear a combo of comfortable formal yet action ready clothes.

A loose red and black patterned shirt, your favorite pants, your comfortable worn-in ankle boots, and one of your red jackets Evie had made for you that complimented Harry's iconic one.

You glanced at the clock, the red letters reading 1:58 pm, nodding you grabbed your keys and attached them to your hip. As you grabbed your bag which held Harry’s gift, the door to your room glowed and opened, Harry stepping through a moment later.

“yer prince is here…ta…wow” you snorted, shaking your head a bit as you turned to look at Harry, leaning against your dresser and crossing your arms. You smirked as his eyes drifted up and down your body “uh….wow” you giggled to yourself and pushed yourself off the dresser, walking over to Harry and wrapping your arms around his waist, admiring the full black suit he was wearing, thin lighter black stripes on his jacket.

“not so bad yourself babe~” you giggled as his ears turned red at the pet name, you sometimes cringed when you heard yourself say it but watching his ears and face turn red was too cute not to do it.

“Thank yeh” he said quietly, eyes locking with yours for a moment before he quickly pecked your nose and tugged at your hands. “come on, I gotta whole thing planned” you laughed as he tugged you through the still-open portal and into Auradon.

You stepped out onto the deck of the docked lost revenge 2.0 and Harry led you off the ship and down to the docks, nodding towards the forest trails nearby “it’s a bit of a walk, is tha’ okay?”

“Good thing I wore my comfortable boots” you joked, squeezing Harry's hand and swinging them between your bodies as you walked towards Harry's plan.

-

15 minutes of walking and talking, Harry covered your eyes, gently pushing you towards the spot “it's just right ‘ere, don’ worry yeh won’ trip” he whispered in your ear, smiling as you grabbed his biceps and whispered right back.

“I trust you mo leannan*” Harry bit his lip as Scottish Gaelic easily rolled off your tongue and pressed a quick kiss to the back of your neck in thanks.

“Thank yeh bonny, now jus’ a couple more steps” he helped you down a couple more steps and pulled his hands from your eyes, setting them on your shoulder and setting his chin there as well “open”

As you opened your eyes you let out a small gasp.

Harry had taken you to one of the clearings in the enchanted forest near the docks, a midsized wooden table sitting in the middle, a pinkish-red table cloth resting over it with white plates and silverware, two thin candles ready to be lit. your eyes drifted to the two large ice boxes next to the table, one you guessed was filled with the drinks the other food.

“Harry this is amazing~” you squealed, spinning around and pulling him into a gentle kiss, smiling as he quickly wrapped his arms around you and hummed into it. You pulled away, smiling at the pout that quickly appeared on his lips “thank you so much”

“yer welcome my love” he muttered with a dreamy smile on his lips, his eyes drifting back to your lips. You took a step back with a teasing smile and turned, walking over to the ice chests and flipping the right one open, humming happily as you took in the multiple types of soda, juice, and other drinks. You picked your (fav drink) and skipped over to the table, setting it next to one of the plates and turning back to Harry, who was digging through the other ice chest and pulling out the food. “oooh what’ja bring?”

“(fav food)” Harry beamed, bringing over the black food boxes and setting them on the table “serve yerself, imma get the sides n shit”

You happily did so, having not eaten since your small snack in the morning to prepare for the possible large meal Harry was going to give you. Harry was back moments later, setting down a box of mashed potatoes, seasoned rice, shrimp stir fry, baked mac, and cheese, corn, and oven-baked Brussel sprouts “but you don’t like Brussel sprouts?” you laughed, picking up the box and shaking it in Harry's face. He leaned back and pushed it back towards you.

“aye but yeh like em” you let out a small coo and set the box back down, watching Harry go back to the food box and pull out a tall container filled with gravy “’ere we go, a meal fit fer a goddess~”

You looked around, pursing your lips “so then where Uma?” Harry let out a small snort, shaking his head “sorry but you gotta admit Uma is fucking beautiful” Harry laughed again, grabbing a root beer and sitting down, looking up at you with a fond smile.

“aye, she is, but righ’ now I’m takin’ bout yeh my love” you smiled back and sat down across from him, popping open the mac and cheese and scooping some onto your plate. Harry served himself some (fav food) and mashed potatoes, scooping some shrimp stir-fry and rice as well.

You took some of the stir fry, Brussel sprouts, and mashed potatoes. Sticking your tongue out slightly as you poured the gravy on top. You and Harry glanced at each other for a moment before you dug in.

You danced in your seat as the delicious taste of the (fav food) hit your tongue. Harry smiled as you danced, licking his lips clean as he watched you continue to eat and dance “do yer little dancy dance” Harry sang, yelp-laughing as you kicked his ankle gently.

“shush~” you stabbed a shrimp and popped it in your mouth “I’m enjoying myself”

“as yeh should”

-

An hour later and you had finally finished your late lunch/early dinner, Harry doing a quick clean up and packing the food away to retrieve later. He held out his hand for you, and once you took it he lead you to back up the trail that guided you to the clearing.

You stepped closer to him, wrapping your arms around his arm and laying your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes and trusting him not to let you trip or bump into anything.

Harry hummed a tune in his throat, filling the comfortable silence as you walked. Soon you were back at the ship and harry told you to go to his room while he got the last couple of things he needed, as you walked to the set of cabins near the back you turned to see Harry going down into the kitchen.

You opened the door of Harrys room and gasped, Harry and decked out his room to be the ultimate comfort zone, he had several fluffy blankets piled on his bed, multiple pillows, hanging sheer blankets that blocked out the remaining sunlight of the day, and soft led-fairy lights strewn across the walls.

You kicked off your boots and jacket and flung yourself onto his bed, giggling as some of the blankets folded onto you. You burritoed yourself and waited for Harry.

A couple of minutes later the aforementioned pirate stepped through his door, kicking it closed with his foot. “well don’t yeh look all comfy~” he purred, setting down the large bowl and bag on his desk and leaned over you, his arms caging your head.

“I am~” you laughed, reaching from your burrito blanket and pulling Harry on top of you “and you will join me!”

He smiled, pulling your hands off his jacket and pulling out a crystal rose from his inner pocket. You gasped and took it, twirling the fake rose in your fingers “I will, jus’ need ta set up our first movie”

“otay” you chirped back, setting the rose on the nightstand next to Harry's bed and pulling your hand back into the blanket, and watching harry take off his suit jacket, shoes, and grabbing a remote.

He grabbed one of the blankets you hadn’t commandeered and settled onto the bed next to you, wrapping his arm around your shoulder as you snuggled into his side.

“sooo” he licked his lips, going through Netflix to find a movie the two of you would enjoy “what are we watchin’?”

You were silent for a few moments as harry scrolled through his suggested movies before a grin spread on your face “Shrek the musical” Harry paused, looking down at you as you just giggled to yourself.

“is it good?” he wondered aloud, going to the search bar and typing in your request.

“it's so fucking good, absolutely amazing” Harry snorted, clicking onto the movie and letting it play.

He grabbed the popcorn and bag of snacks and set them to your left, leaving you to grab what you wanted. “alright, let's watch.

-end of part 21-

* mo leannan = my sweetheart

permtaglist

@queer-cosette @sephiralorange

@lunanight2012 @daughter-of-the-stars11

@musicarose @descendantsobsessed

@remembered-license @random-thoughts-003

@thecaptainsgingersnap @rintheemolion​

@verboetoperee​ @imtryingthisout​

#disney descendants #harry hook x reader #harry hook descendants #harry hook #harry hook imagine #Descendents #descendants #encore #part of your world #reprise #valentines

[canyouhearthelight]

The Miys, Ch. 121

Insert Winter Holiday is here, again!

I’m queuing this ahead of time, and I originally had a really cute message about the end of the year. Then, I realized what year this is and said “Yeah, nope. Not jinxing it, will not have the actual end of the world be my fault.”

I am going to leave it at this: thank you to @baelpenrose, @raven-fae, and @charlylimph-blog for all your help with this story in 2020. Thank you to every single one of you who bombed by notes this year when you found The Miys. Thank you @janeshadow for talking me into getting off my rump and making the story easier to navigate.

Standing to my feet after putting the last dish in the oven, I couldn’t help but smile as I looked around my quarters. Despite the fact that we had forgone a tree this year for Insert Winter Holiday, there was a definite festive feeling as everyone packed themselves in as much as possible. Derek had clearly found my lights again, as they circled every public space in my quarters, including the kitchen.  Furniture was pushed as far against the walls as possible, and everyone had been advised to bring their own cushion to sit on.

In the two celebrations since waking up on the Ark, dinner and gifts had largely been a smaller, more typical dinner-style affair.  However, without my noticing, my family had grown exponentially since then, and this year finger foods passed from hand to hand as everyone relaxed and chatted. Charly, Tyche, and I took turns in the kitchen, with Hannah waving us all three to sit while she checked on something in the oven so that we could rest and enjoy ourselves, too.

“Where’s Derek?” Charly asked as she approached me to take her shift watching the last batch of food bake.

“He isn’t great with crowds, so he and Sam already came for lunch and to exchange gifts,” I explained, stroking the scarf they had given me. “They already left and took Mac with them.”

“Aww, they’re hogging the Christmas Cat… No fair!” she pouted comically.

“Eh, Mac’s not a fan of crowds either. Besides, I’m pretty sure someone gave him cheese - again - so I’d rather the little gas bomb not be here tonight.”

“Fair enough,” she laughed before popping me with a tea towel. “Go! Your turn to socialize and cuddle!”

I held up my hands in defeat before carefully picking my way around people. Coffey was gracious enough to take my hand and guide me around him and over to where Conor and Maverick were guarding the astonishingly huge pile of gifts. Arthur was nearby, arguing with Conor and trying to drag Simon into it every chance he could. The topic sounded like a rehash of the one regarding fortifications, only this time it was Fortification Redux: The Plant Edition. “We’ve already confirmed there are no megafauna on Von!” Arthur exclaimed wearily. “Not even vegetarians. Why would we need fortifications?”

I could tell Conor was just provoking him when he lazily waved a hand. “It’s psychological, to make people feel safe. Besides, agriculturally, it serves as double duty.”

“He has a point,” Simon conceded, wincing when Arthur turned a playful squint his direction. “He does!”

“Whatever,” Arthur surrendered with a mock-sulk. “Sophia…”

“You know where I stand on this argument, don’t even try it,” I laughed as I dropped in between my partners.

“You wound me! I was going to offer to whip up some goulash, but now I don’t think I will since someone thinks she should accuse me of such atrocious crimes.”

I rolled my eyes at his theatrics. “Whip up whatever you want, I’m done with kitchen duty, and so is Tyche. Charly’s on her last lap.”

“I sincerely doubt that,” Maverick laughed, catching Coffey’s careful eye on his beloved bundle of energy.

Arthur practically leapt to his feet. “That decides it. I am so offended by Sophia’s accusations that I am going to share the kitchen with Miss Chaos Incarnate and leave you all to wonder what wound up in the food.”

Tyche tipped her head back to scowl at him from where she was draped across Antoine’s lap. “If I find a single eyeball…”

Muttering something suspiciously close to “Dammit”, Arthur prowled across the room as though the entire floor wasn’t draped in legs and people.

I opened my mouth to whine about how he could do that, only to be cut off when a piece of pastry was stuffed in my mouth. Grievances forgotten, my eyebrows shot up as I chewed. “Tyche! When did you make donuts!?”

“It may have involved time travel,” she waggled her fingers at me. “But no blood magic or ritual sacrifices, swear.”

I could see Antoine shake his head before responding over his shoulder. “She made them this morning.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Travelling forward through time is still time travel, mon coeur.” He tapped the tip of her nose with one finger, eliciting an expression from her that promised swift and painful retribution.

A soft rustle of fabric caught my attention, and I turned to see a pile of purple and jade-green silk land beside me before a long, dark braid came into view. “The donuts are quite delightful,” Parvati declared as she yanked Xiomara down beside her in a graceless heap. Grabbing a dark brown one from the plate, she popped it in her lover’s mouth just as Xiomara was about to complain. “That one is a Black Forest, I believe. You’ll love it.”

“Careful on those,” Conor warned. “I think they’re half booze.”

“I only soaked the cherries in kirsch,” Tyche corrected. “Not the whole thing.”

“So yeah, half booze,” I corrected.

Giving her most fearsome scowl, Xio snatched the rest of the Black Forest donuts off the plate and balanced them in one hand.

A squeal of laughter interrupted our shenanigans, and we whipped our heads around in time to see Hannah holding a plate of mini-Wellingtons over her head without even looking, while Charly struggled to get up from where she was sprawled across both the other woman’s lap and Coffey’s.  Zach stared at Hannah like he just saw his first sunset, and Maverick snorted behind me.

“He is such a goner over her,” I heard him say, followed by a light smack.

“Because I have certainly never seen you look at Conor or Sophia in such a way,” Parvati added lightly. “And obviously not when Conor is baby-talking to the plants around the ship, or when Sophia is so busy working she will eat whatever is handed to her.”

He buried his face in the back of my hair before squeaking. “Nope. Never!”

I twisted around so I could see them both. “Wait. When did this happen?”

“Three times a week, in your office,” Tyche interjected in a bored tone. “And pretty religiously.”

I felt my face heat up. “Does everyone know about this except me.”

Xiomara nodded furiously, cheeks plumped out and a suspicious number of donuts missing from the pile in her hand. Parvati shook her head at the antics and smiled gently. “Someone needs to make sure you eat… He brings you gyoza, and you don’t even notice. It’s quite adorable.”

Conor laughed. “She’s got you there, love.”

Eyes flashed as four heads snapped around to him. “Oh, don’t think you’re off the hook, mister!” Charly scolded at him. “He does the same thing to you. Those little pasties you like so much, with the potato and onion.”

Maverick groaned his embarrassment into my shoulder, while Conor’s smile faltered. “I would remember that,” he insisted.

“Not even once,” Charly confirmed.

Rather than being embarrassed, Conor just laughed again and reached to drag us both over to him. “I don’t know how someone so tall can be so sneaky, but I won’t argue.”

That moment was when Arthur decided to return, a trail of slurps in his wake as he handed out goulash. “No eyeballs,” he sighed dejectedly as he handed one to Tyche.

“You guys are no fun,” Charly muttered as she took her own bowl.

Poor Simon eyed the offering hesitantly. Arthur gently wiggled the bowl at him. “I promise, you’ll like it.”

Carefully, as though it would explode at any moment, Simon took the dish and managed a small bite.  After a few seconds - presumably to confirm there was no trick - he chewed and immediately started bolting it down at a rapid pace. “I thought it would be spicier,” he admitted as he snaked a hand out to grab another.

“That would be the paprika.  Really red, not really spicy.”

Maverick laughed as he took a bowl, but poked it with his fork before wrinkling his nose. “Sorry, Arthur, not happening.” No sooner had the words left his mouth than Simon’s hand darted out again, eliciting laughter from everyone.

Arthur shrugged, well aware of Maverick’s food aversions by this point. “It’s not for everyone. You keep your tofu, I’ll keep my goulash.”

Not long after that, the last of the food was gone and dishes were cleared. Hot drinks were handed out by Zach and Conor, and then it was finally time to exchange gifts. Baked goods from Tyche made the rounds, along with beautiful accessories from Parvati, carefully curated books from Alistair, plants from Conor and Sam, and more.

At one point, Arthur was staring at his gift from Charly like it would bite him. “It’s… a pen?”

She nodded, producing a small jar of black ink from somewhere. “A fountain pen, with black India ink. I made them both myself.”

Arching an eyebrow, he brought the pen closer to examine the engravings. “An otter… with a sword?”

“With a saber,” she corrected. “I tried to make it look like yours, but do you know how hard you make it to get a good look at that thing!?”

“It’s literally on display in my office when I’m not practicing with it.”

“And how am I supposed to get in there when you aren’t? You booby-trapped the door!”

“Wonder why….” he mused with a small smile. “This is very intricate,” he finally admitted.

“Consider it an apology for the other ones.”

“Oh!” I realized.  “Give me just a second, everyone.”  Scrambling, and with nowhere near Arthur or Tyche’s grace, I managed to make it to our bedroom to grab an armful of boxes. Once I was back at the doorway, I peeked around the stack and smiled. “These are from Derek, with a little bit of help from Hannah.”  Checking names, I distributed the boxes before making my way back to my spot.

“This is… It’s so soft!” Parvati exclaimed. “And the colors are beautiful!”

I smiled as I rubbed the scarf I wore. “He wanted to show his appreciation for how welcome he feels, even if he was overwhelmed at the idea of being here.”

Hannah nodded as she brushed her scarf against her cheek. “We worked on these for months, but I didn’t realize he found time to make one for me… All the colors and patterns are different for each person, by the way. They’re meant to show us how he thinks of us.”

Conor held up the green and orange fabric that his box revealed. “I love it, but I’m confused.”

She rolled her eyes, and tapped her own scarf. “This goldish-brown is my eyes, and this olive green are the clothes I usually wear.”

Coffey’s laughter rang through the room as he unfolded his to see a pattern like Neapolitan ice cream: Rich brown, bright pink, with white swirled throughout. “I think he nailed it.”

Antoine’s head tilted until it almost met his shoulder. “Our eyes… Every single scarf has the color of our eyes in it.  That must have been so hard for him to do.” I could see what he meant - Derek did not look people in the eyes, as a rule.

“He wants us to know that he sees us, and that he likes that we see him,” Zach shrugged. When we all stared at him, he just blinked. “What? You don’t work with him as much as I do without figuring those things out.”

Without exception, everyone wrapped their gifts from Derek around themselves before the next set of gifts were handed out. “These are from me,” Arthur explained. “Hopefully I got it right.”

Like Alistair, Arthur had gifted everyone a book, but rather than a book that furthered a current interest, he had sought out historical insights into extremely niche topics for everyone. Some made pretty obvious sense - a book on the historical events leading to and the impacts of the Harlem Renaissance for me, a book on the evolution of law in various cultures for Xiomara - but some were far less obvious.

“A book on Roman law?” Charly asked, confused.

He reached over and tapped on the cover. “Specifically, this is about how much of Roman law was the result of litigation, with some pretty hysterical results. I think you’ll get a huge kick out of it.”

She cracked the book open to a random page and looked at it. “If you weren’t home when you were subpoenaed as a witness, you didn’t have to testify, but if you didn’t the person could stand outside your house and - “ she snorted before continuing in a fit of giggles. “Yell at you… for no more than three…. Three hours a day, three days a week - “ another snort “for up to a year!” She wiped a tear from her eye and surrendered to her giggles. “Oh that’s amazing! Thank you!”

Charly wasn’t the only one laughing. Even Xiomara was snickering. “That is an incredibly specific law.”

“Absurd laws are best laws,” he shrugged.

Eventually, all the gifts were distributed, but nobody was in a rush to leave. Instead, we lounged around, quietly catching up and talking about our plans for the upcoming ‘year’. At some point, Insert Winter Holiday had, unanimously and without fanfare, become the end of the year celebration on the Ark, even as far as the Council made plans. With that in mind, we were taking a chance to celebrate our continued survival for yet another cycle, and tried to look forward with optimism toward the next one.

I just let the feelings sink into me, enjoying the presence of the people who moved into my life.  Had I been asked fifteen years ago where I saw myself in the future, ‘on a spaceship, as the last of the human race, about to colonize another world’ would have been nowhere on that list.  But here I was, with a larger family than I had ever dreamed.

Despite all that we had been through, I couldn’t wait to see what the future would bring.

 (A/N: Keep your eyes out for an announcement on New Year’s Eve!)

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#the miys #humans are weird #humans are space orcs #found family #original science fiction #learning to write #aliens #apocalypse #earth is space australia #learning to live #humans are space fae #humans are awesome #humans are strange #hfy

[adultingautistic]

My whole childhood I remember constantly getting in trouble because I “just forgot” to do things that were asked of me. Since adolescence, it’s changed to “why didn’t you do [x supposedly obvious thing]?!” - “I just didn’t think to.” I also forget literally everything now; I’ve developed CPTSD which has made memory a lot worse but still, this is like, wildly unusual. Could this inability to retain tasks or “think” to do things be caused by my autism?

Yes!  This is called executive dysfunction.  From this article:

Executive Function can be considered  the “epi-center” of the brain; it controls the integration of cognitive processes such as planning and prioritizing, accessing working memory, directing attention, problem solving, verbal reasoning, inhibiting extraneous ideas, mental flexibility or shifting thoughts, multi-tasking, time management, and initiating and monitoring one’s actions (metacognition). Together, these skills allow all individuals to solve problems, organize a plan of action, and control emotions and behaviors throughout the day.

In other words, it’s not a memory problem, it’s a planning problem.  

Here’s an example, that happened to me ALL THE TIME as a kid:

Mom: “I’m going out to run some errands.  When I get back I want to see the dishes washed.”

Me: “Okay.”

Mom, two hours later coming home: “Why aren’t these dishes washed?”

Me: “I forgot.”

“I forgot” is the best words I could come up with to describe the situation, but that’s not actually what happened.  The real failure was “My brain was unable to plan when to start doing the dishes.”

For a person with executive dysfunction, if you leave out essential details, such as when to do the task, we are doomed to never do it.  I fully intended to wash the dishes, just as soon as the TV show I was watching was over- but by the time it was over, the idea of dishes was gone from my mind, never to return. 

As an adult, I know this about myself, and so I have learned to accommodate my brain.  I know that it will not remember.  I can count on it not remembering.  And so I must build things around that fact.

So when I must do something, I set alarms on my phone.  Your phone is one of the best assistive devices your brain will ever have.  I have trained myself, through hard self-disipline, that when a task is given to me, I must set an alarm immediately.

So for example, if I am talking to my mother on the phone and she says “Why don’t you come over on Saturday?” I say “Okay”, and immediately, while still on the phone with her, pull up my calendar, put at 8am on Saturday morning, “Seeing Mom Today” and set an alarm.  Then I also set one for the time I have to leave the house.

If I’m cooking and I see I’m low on milk, I set an alarm for two hours from now that says “order groceries” (I order my groceries online).  I pick two hours becuase by then I will be finished cooking and eating, and will be free to do the task.

I also use other physical reminders.  For example, I bought some cold cuts the other day, and then kept “forgetting” to eat them (I wasn’t forgetting, my brain is unable to plan to eat them, which is executive dysfunction).  Instead, I kept eating macaroni and cheese for lunch.

So I took a sticky note, wrote on it the words “EAT TURKEY”, and stuck it on the front box of mac and cheese, then closed the cabinet door.  Stickey notes can be very poweful BUT, you have to use them in a way that you only see it WHEN IT’S TIME.  Executive dysfunctional brains cannot plan.  They can only do it NOW.  Literally all tasks are “now or never”.  So the sticky note must be in a place and situation where when I see it, I can do it now.  Otherwise it is useless.

I also have a pile of objects always blocking the front door.  These are items that I need to take somewhere.  For example, I got a letter addressed to my mother in the mail.  I put it on the floor blocking the door.  This is important!  I literally cannot leave the house without touching those items, which triggers in my brain “I need to carry these things to my car.”

So I use all of these accommodations, because I have learned that my brain CANNOT plan.  It can’t.  It never will.  Yelling at it is useless, all that does is make me feel bad.  Yelling at a fish a lot doesn’t make it climb a tree, because it can’t.

So it’s not your fault that you have executive dysfunction.  Accept that you have it, and then begin building around it, to help it, so that you can complete the tasks.  

I still never remember anything.  Ever.  My phone remembers it for me.  It just beeps and tells me where to go.  But I am in the place I’m supposed to be, at the time I’m supposed to be there!  So it doesn’t matter that I can’t remember.  Use the tools around you.  Use the world to help you.  

It’s not your fault that your brain can’t do the thing- but you can still do the thing, if you allow yourself to give your brain the help it needs. 

#actuallyautistic #actually autistic #executive dysfunction #planning #organization #ask

[anotheronechicagobog]

The Crackship Sails to Molly’s

Sylvie Brett x Jay Halstead

1

written by @anotheronechicagobog​

Warnings: swearing, implied smut, Daswon sibling bashing, background manstead

A/N: Please comment :)

Jay was on the floor, in pain. The area around his socket was throbbing in pain, and his lower back was definitely going to have a bruise. He didn’t have time to react before Antonio was back and punching him in the face again. “Oh my god, Antonio stop it!”

He wasn’t fighting it, he just didn’t have it in him to try and stop the man he called his friend, though Jay supposed they wouldn’t be friends much longer. 

Antonio had managed to get in a few more punches before he was hauled off of Jay by Voight and half of the members of 51. Jay exhaled and went to close his eyes, but was interrupted by her entering his line of vision.

Sylvie.

Her mouth was moving, and Jay could vaguely hear her speaking over the shouting men and women. “Sylvie? Are you okay?”

“Me- What? Jay, I’m not the one who just got mauled by Antonio.”

“So you’re okay?”

“Alright get up, I’m taking you to med now. No arguments.”

“Okay.”

“Oh pickles, you’re actually agreeing to go to the hospital, something must be really wrong with you.”

“As long as you’re okay.” His voice was so hoarse he almost didn’t recognize it. Sylvie sighed as he looked at her dazedly while she buckled him up in her car. “I’m okay, I promise. I just have to make sure that you’re okay too.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

SIX MONTHS AGO

It had been months since Erin left, and months since Sylvie had to dump Antonio because of his ex-wife. Jay and Sylvie ended up at a table together, neither one was feeling particularly happy at the moment and didn’t want to be around their romantically successful friends. So they sat together, nursed their drinks, and talked about Harry Potter. They’d bumbled around in discussion for a while, not having a whole lot in common, before finding out they were both Harry Potter fans. Will, the rest of the intelligence unit, and 51 weren’t big fans of the book series, sure they’d seen the movies but that was about it. They both found it relaxing to just talk about something that wasn’t about their important work or love. 

They started to spend more and more time together. It started because Sylvie mentioned how she hadn’t grown up in Chicago and was so busy she never got to see the sights, so Jay took it as a challenge and started showing her his favourite parts of the city. Restaurants, theatres, parks, museums, galleries, all of it. He even took her to a restaurant in Canaryville where everyone who worked there had known him his whole life. Sylvie was enthusiastically told stories from Jay’s childhood. Hiding behind curtains buck naked, exposing everyone on the street to his six-year-old butt while he and Will shook in giggles. Block-wide water gun fights. Years of ding dong ditch. Sylvie was in stitches before she even got her food.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THREE MONTHS AGO

There was a fire. A bad one. And after receiving a patient on a gurney, something in the basement exploded, Sylvie and the patient were thrown several metres away. No one else had been injured, but Sylvie wouldn’t wake up, was bleeding profusely out of a cut on her head, and she had shrapnel in her back. It didn’t look good.

“Alright everyone, gear up. 51 just responded to a fire at a suspected meth lab, it was confirmed five minutes ago by an explosion. A paramedic, Sylvie Brett, was critically injured and is currently fighting for her- Halstead? Halstead where do you think you’re going? Halstead get back here!” At the words ‘Sylvie Brett’ Jay’s blood ran cold. At ‘critically injured’ he went into autopilot. Just stood up and left. Didn’t even grab his jacket. He ignored his boss’s enraged screams. He just got in his truck and drove to Med.

He ignored the odd looks he got from those at 51. He ignored his coworkers and boss when they came by to talk to their witnesses/ask him what the actual fuck was going on. He ignored his brother and sister-in-law when they asked him why he was there. He just stayed sitting in the uncomfortable chair for hours, watching nurses and patients flitter between the doors to the ED. It had been six hours when Platt came by to yell at him too only to be interrupted by Dr. Rhodes. “Sylvie is awake and stable, I expect her to make a full recovery. We can only allow one visitor at a time, and she has been asking for Jay since she woke up, she’s pretty frantic, so you’ll have to come quick.” He stood up and almost ran past Rhodes into her room, ignoring the confused looks from everyone at firehouse 51 and Trudy Platt.

“Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay, Jay-”

“I’m here Syl, I am right here.” She sobbed as he wrapped her hands in his. “I am right here, and it’ll take an army to get me to move. Or you, but that’s basically the same thing if someone denies you chocolate.” The laugh that briefly interrupted her sobs made his day, releasing the tension he’d been holding all day. Jay sagged in relief, and just held one of her hands as he used the other to gently hug her, hold her as she cried, sobbed, hiccuped and, whimpered from the physical pain expressing her emotions was causing her. “I thought I- w- was goi-i-ing to-o die-e.”

“I know,” he choked, “I thought you were going to die too.”

Jay had refused to leave the hospital until Sylvie ordered him to. “At least shower and change, ooh, get something to eat too.”

“You just want me to bring you mac and cheese don’t you?”

“You know me so well.”

“Alright, I’ll be back in an hour, don’t watch ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ without me.”

“You will take at least three hours to come back here.”

“Sylvie-”

“You have been sitting and worrying for the past three days, take some time for yourself. Don’t make me get Maggie involved.”

“Okay, fine, I will be back in three hours. Can you still wait to watch ‘Say Yes to the Dress’ with me?”

“Duh.”

“Okay, see you later.” He kissed her on the side of her forehead that wasn’t bandaged, and left, starting an alarm on his phone for three hours. He would be back on the dot.

The second he got to the lobby, however, he was met with all of firehouse 51 and the 21st district standing up, expecting news from him. “I’d love to stay and chat, but I have orders to shower and change from Syl. Apparently I smell.” Trying to use his charm to get out of a situation he didn’t feel like explaining. But, he knew everyone glaring at him well enough to know that they needed some kind of answer. “Sylvie has become a very important friend to me, that day was one of the worst I’ve had in a long time.” Fewer glares, more confusion, and a free Jay Halstead.

He returned to his favourite person on the planet exactly three hours later with two containers filled to the brim with homemade macaroni and cheese, his laptop, and a box set of the Harry Potter books. “You, are an absolute angel, Jay Halstead.”

“No more than you, Sylvie Brett. Here is your food.”

“Oh, it’s still warm. Okay, time for bridal drama and lots of carbs!”

Sylvie was still in the hospital with Jay at her side as much as possible for another week. When she was given the all-clear to leave, no one seemed satisfied with the answer that Jay was taking her home. “Gabby I’ll be fine! Jay is one of my best friends, okay? He’s gonna drive me home, insist he stay longer than he needs to, before eventually leaving me with Otis and Cruz.”

“Okay, seriously, when exactly did you become friends with Jay Halstead? And are you sure that’s all you are?”

“Three months ago, and yes, I am sure that we’re friends. I am gonna hang up now, because I really do not appreciate the third degree.”

“Oh, come on Sylvie, I’m just looking out for you and Antonio, I just want to make sure Jay’s not moving in on you guys.”

“Gabby, there is no me and Antonio. And there hasn’t been for a while. He was great, Eva and Diego were great, it was fun, but he in no way protected or prepared me for Laura. He kept from me how erratic and impulsive and rude her behaviour was. He told me that she knew about me and was fine with cause she’d dating a few guys since the divorce. But it turned out a lot of that wasn’t true. He lied to me, leaving me to fend for myself when she came barreling in on a warpath, and then yelled at me for reacting in a scared and shocked way. He was actually the one who suggested we break up. Whether he likes it or not, she is still a significant part of his and his children’s lives, as well as a significant hindrance. And please, don’t act like we’re getting back together. I loved him, but I’m done with him.” And she slammed her finger on the touch screen much harder than she needed to. “Gabby again?”

“Yes, I love her, and I know she means well, but she doesn’t know everything.”

“And she has a lot of audacity trying to tell you she does. It’ll be okay, I think that everyone is just really stressed out and confused. I think that if we just tell everyone that we bonded over Harry Potter they’ll understand and leave us alone pretty quick.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE MONTH AGO

Intelligence had set up a meet with a coke dealer to arrest him and get some intel. The buy wasn’t until 1 am and they didn’t have to start gathering equipment and double-checking everything for another three hours, so everyone was just going to eat and try to relax until then. But then Jay’s phone rang. Luna appeared on his screen with a picture of Sylvie staring at a tank of baby jellyfish with complete and utter fascination. “Hey Syl-”

“I need your help.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I know you’re working tonight, but- oh I probably shouldn’t have called-”

“Sylvie, what’s wrong?”

“The blind date I’m on right now? I- he was fine at first but I’m scared. There are red flags everywhere and I’m afraid I’ll end up in a ditch.”

“Marco’s Bistro, right?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll be there in ten minutes, you’re hiding in the bathroom, right?”

“Yes.”

“Good, stay there until I get there.”

“Of course.”

He nodded at Voight and ignored a livid Antonio. When he got to the restaurant, he told the hostess he was here to rescue his friend from a dangerous date and she didn’t even blink. “She’s still in the bathroom but you might wanna deal with her date after, he’s getting agitated.”

“Green dress shirt by the painting of the heron?”

“Yup.”

“Got it, thanks.”

“Hey,” he knocked on the door, “Sylvie I’m here.”

She exited and before he could even make eye contact with her she wrapped him in a bone-crushing hug, despite her shaking body. “I am so scared. He picked me up, saying that I couldn’t refuse him, he knows where I live.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll handle it.” 

 Jay watched her until he could see her in safe his truck before he approached the man, and he knew that Sylvie had every right to be worried. Sharp eyes, nasty temper, tan line on his ring finger, and he looked one second away from just grabbing the next person and caving in their skull. “Excuse me-”

“And just who the fuck are you pal? I’m here on a date so leave before I kick your ass.” Jay pulled his badge out from underneath the collar of his shirt and sat down across from him. “Give me your driver’s licence, please.” The douche (as Jay would call him for the rest of his life) handed it over pretty damn quick, he waved the waitress over. “This man is going to need his bill immediately, please.” She nodded quickly and darted off, then Jay pulled out his phone. “Hey Burgess, I need you to run a name for me. Arthur Garrett. Two t’s. Okay, thanks. Can you send down a couple of officers for me?” He waited until the bill was paid and backup arrived before speaking again. “Mr. Garrett, stand up and turn around. You are under arrest for failure to pay child support and failure to attend court. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.” After the handoff, he saw his least favourite thing in the entire world. Sylvie crying.

“He had an arrest warrant out, he’s being taken to detainment now. I’m sorry this happened to you Syl, you don’t deserve it.”

“I just feel so stupid.”

“Well don’t, you weren’t even the one who set up the date. Can I ask you a favour though? Let me do a check on everyone you go on a date with, please. I’ll worry a lot less.”

“After tonight? You have a deal.”

“Oh thank God, I was worried I’d have to try and convince you.” He leaned over the console to kiss her cheek, he looked into her expressive eyes and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears. Neither of them realized how close their faces were until Jay went to speak and their lips brushed together, in a feather-light touch. “We, uh, we were going to order a bunch of pizzas for dinner. It doesn’t look like you got to eat, would you like to join us?”

“That sounds great.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THREE WEEKS AGO

Sylvie had gone back to Fowlerton to spend the holidays with her parents and brother, and Jay stayed in Chicago to celebrate with his brother’s family. Will was in the kitchen with Helen, he and a very pregnant Natalie were watching the looney tunes version of ‘A Christmas Carol’ in the living room with Owen. It wasn’t until Jay thought, about ten minutes into the movie, that Sylvie would love to watch this and he’d have to add this to their movie marathon lost for when she got back that he realized just how much he missed her. Her demeanour, her personality, the way she made him feel warm and fuzzy without much effort. And then he had another, much more startling realization. “I’m in love with Sylvie.” Beside him, Natalie snorted and Helen called from the kitchen “congrats on being literally the last person to know.”

“What? How did my brother’s mother-in-law-in-law know before I did?”

“She follows you on Facebook, remember? Basically everything you post is Sylvie, about Sylvie, or Sylvie related. And vice versa, I see the way she looks at you, she’s into you too.”

“It’s only been a few months, how am I in this deep?” Jay completely ignored his brother’s observation, he could barely register his feelings, he didn’t want to get his hopes up about hers.

“Take it from me, Jay, when the right person shows up it doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them or had a bond with them. If it feels good, go with it. It will only cause you pain to move away from it.”

“I don’t know if either of us are ready for that. The timings just not right.”

Nat covered Owen’s ears, “timing is a bitch.” She released a confused Owen who immediately zoned out looking at the tv again with a kiss on his tiny head, “if you don’t think that you’re ready, that’s fine. But don’t put anything down for timing or the universe, they’ll just mess you up.”

“Yeah... I’ll think about it.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ONE WEEK AGO

Sylvie had been all set to go camping with Gabby and Stella, she’d been so excited and Jay had spent the last three days with her helping her pack and hanging on to her every word. Watching flit around in a flurry of excitement for a girls week. He was sitting on her bed rolling up her light blue sleeping bag with white polka dots when she got a call from Gabby and her face fell. Lines and bumps moved their way on to her face which was carefree and bright only seconds ago. “Okay, Gabby. I hope you and Matt and Stella and Kelly have fun.”

“She cancelled the trip? Or cancelled you out of the trip?”

”She decided to make it couples only. She also took the opportunity to tell me that Antonio’s single again.”

“You know what? You are not going to be sad. Because you have a week off of work, and so do I because we worked too much OT the past two months. Let’s go to Universal studios, I hear they expanded Harry Potter world.”

She smiled again. Bright and beaming and in a way that was just so, so her. “I’ll look at flights.”

Thanks to a bunch of last-minute deals, coupons, and first responder discounts they were on a plane bound for Florida in three hours. And when they got there, they went into prep mode for the next day, making sure that everything was ready to get up and go to the park, and they were so busy that neither of them noticed that there was only one bed until they were both drifting off to sleep, centimetres apart.

Waking up entangled in each other hadn’t been as awkward as either of them thought it would be. It was nice, warm. And it only got better as the week went on. They spent three days at Universal Studios, three at Universal Island Adventure, and one at Disney. Taking as much time as they could at each place. They went on every ride they could, multiple times, enjoyed all the themed food, took far more pictures than they had ever taken in their entire lives, and waited until the last day to buy any souvenirs because of how expensive everything was. They even held hands every day, Jay’s reasoning was so that Sylvie wouldn’t get separated from him but because of the time of year the population of the park was sparse compared to what it could have been. Sylvie knew this, knew that she didn’t have to hold his hand, but she wanted to. Badly. She didn’t care if it was only for while they were in Florida, she could pretend while they were there that they were more than friends. Because once they went home, she had to pretend that she didn’t love him with all her heart. But honestly, they had the time of their lives. Fun, food, and unresolved romantic tension. What could be better? It was their last day in Florida, their rental car was already loaded up with their stuff and after the fireworks display at Disney they were headed back to Chicago. 

Sylvie’s hair was mussed from the long day, and while she looked tired, she couldn’t take her eyes off of the display. And Jay couldn’t take his eyes off Sylvie. The multi-coloured lights were reflected in her eyes and the wind was blowing her hair gently. Sylvie could feel him staring at her and when she turned to ask him was what wrong, she stopped, her words dying in her throat. Jay’s entire soul was playing through his eyes. It was as if there was a tether connecting the two of them. Neither of them could turn away or blink. And Jay just went for it. He leaned down and kissed her with all the emotion his body possessed. The kiss making Sylvie feel weak in her knees. She wrapped her arms around his neck in part to stabilize himself, and in part to pull him closer. They’d missed the rest of the display just holding each other, but neither of them could bring themselves to care.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

PRESENT DAY

Dr. Choi had been assigned to Jay. He raised an eyebrow at Sylvie seated on the bed beside him but made no comment, paying heed to the words of wisdom Maggie had just bestowed upon him, “she’s the only reason he’ll behave and accept treatment.”

“Alright, while I’m happy you’re not here with a bullet wound detective Halstead, coming back after a fight wasn’t exactly what I had in mind when I said ‘avoid lead’.”

“And deprive you of my charming personality?”

“Yeah, yeah. Now follow my finger, let’s hope you don’t have a concussion.”

It had only taken about twenty minutes to determine that Jay, miraculously, didn’t have a concussion or any broken bones. Just a lot of swelling and bruises. “Thanks, Choi.”

“No problem, while you are discharged and free to go, you can’t travel yourself, I’m actually you can see with how swollen the areas around your eyes are.”

“That’s no problem, I’ll drive him home.”

“Alright, good. Remember Jay, desk duty for a week.”

“Ugh, I’m already bored.”

“I’m sure you are, now let’s go. I want to leave before a Dawson comes barreling in here, cause I might start swinging punches too.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The next week Jay avoided Antonio, not intentionally though. After hearing what happened Voight decided to keep Halstead in the basement as much as possible for his desk duty. While it was boring and agitating not being in the field, Sylvie made sure to send him as many hilarious snapchats as possible, many of which consisted of her hiding in ridiculous places to avoid Gabby. The photo that had offended the Dawsons so greatly sat framed on his temporary desk. Apparently, the people behind them at the fireworks display their last day there thought they were so cute that they took a couple of pics during and after their kiss, but the new couple had left before they could be asked for contact info for the pictures. Luckily, they’d overheard them before the fireworks display talking about how while they were sad to go back to Chicago that night, the fire and police departments desperately needed them to keep their partners in line. It had been an amusing joke to Sylvie and Jay, but a way to post the photos for the people behind them. The Dawsons were already pissed that Jay was ‘moving in on Antonio’s girl’, but when they saw the photos on Facebook, with that mother posting the, admittedly gorgeous, pictures with the tags for CPD and CFD, looking for them so that the ‘adorable couple’ could have pictures from their first kiss, they were both livid. Gabby unleashing all of her fury, most of which was for unrelated things, on Sylvie at Molly’s, while Antonio just started punching.

It all came to a head when Jay was picking up Sylvie from her shift after he had finally been cleared to drive and go back to work. “Hey, you.”

“Hello, gorgeous.” Their quick peck was stopped by Gabby darting in between them and physically pushing them apart.”How can the two of you do this to Antonio? He still loves you Sylvie, even after all this, how can you-”

“Okay, you know what Gabby? You need to shut the fuck up.”

“Brett-”

“Uh-uh. I am talking now. Antonio screwed up. He lost his chance with me. So not only do you need to stop trying to meddle in my love life, but you need to stop feeling entitled to it. You have no say in who I do or do not date. End of discussion. No, ifs, ands, or buts. I am honestly at my wit’s end with you. I don’t even consider you a friend anymore because of how poorly you’ve been treating me.”

“Bu-”

“And don’t pull any more of that ‘but you dated my brother’ crap. I only did so at your encouragement. And I seriously regret dating him because of how much trouble you two are causing for me now because I choose to have a life and not let the end of my relationship with Antonio be the end of me. You need to leave me alone. I’ve already reported you to HR. I had no other choice after you locked me in the ambo for hours today without my phone or radio and wouldn’t let me out unless I got back with your brother. Goodbye Dawson. I’ll see you next shift.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

THREE MONTHS LATER

Sylvie and Gabby were finally back on speaking terms, but took them a while to get there. Natalie and Hailey had become her best friends. They both understood how awful it was for someone to feel entitled to your love life, and how much gossipy coworkers who were closer than peas in a pod knew how to affect you more than anyone else. 51 had originally been avoiding taking sides, something that Sylvie was grateful for, and she made sure they knew she’d never ask them to choose. Everything, barring their relationships with Antonio and Gabby, went back to normal. Stella was asking for details about Jay, Cruz, Otis, Hermann, and Boden cornered him at Molly’s one night and threatened him, Upton told Sylvie plainly that she wasn’t allowed to hurt Jay, and the two made each other their emergency contacts. Jay also made stops by the firehouse with doughnuts from the place just around the corner from the 21st district. Sylvie, a secretly amazing cook, also dropped by the station with homemade food for the unit and Trudy on long nights.

Molly’s, in a bid to get more customers, started having trivia nights. Sylvie and Jay were practically vibrating in excitement because the trivia night that night was for Harry Potter.

“What did Draco steal from Neville during flying lessons in the first movie?”

“A remembrall!”

“What was the name of Hermione’s cat?”

“Crookshanks!”

“What was the device Hermione used to go back in time during the third movie?”

“A time turner!”

“Okay, and the winning pair is... Sylvie Brett and Jay Halstead! And can I just say that even though I work at 51 and not at the 21st district, I feel like I should have known that detective I-am-a-badass-army-ranger-and-can-kill-you-twelve-different-ways-with-a-pencil-eraser Halstead was such a nerd!” There was a roar of laughter from everyone including Jay. “Laugh all you want, being a nerd is how I got my amazing girlfriend.”

“Damn right it is.” A celebratory kiss was met with cheers from the tipsy group. “Alright, alright, stop making out with my honourary sister and come get your gift card to the aquarium.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

EIGHT MONTHS LATER

Jay was trying to be sensitive to Antonio, really, he was. He put his photos of Sylvie in his locker, not on his desk, he took calls from her in another room. He didn’t talk about her with anyone from the unit. Sylvie was like an entity of golden light, anyone would be a fool to mistreat her or let her go, and Jay knew that both of the Dawson siblings were beating themselves up over their mistakes. But now Jay was pissed. Did he really think that Jay was so stupid he wouldn’t spot him at the table three rows down from them? That he wouldn’t make sure to take a closer look at the man sitting alone in a restaurant designed for dates, wearing all black, with a baseball cap and shades? And that was seriously the worst disguise, too. He could see numerous other couples and the staff take notice of him and they all looked concerned. Hell, even Sylvie noticed him the second he walked in! So they had decided in a little bit of revenge. They normally wouldn’t display PDA above hand-holding or a quick kiss, but tonight they’d made an exception. They were going all out, even choosing to sit on the same side so not only did Antonio have a clear view of both of them, but Jay would lean down and nibble on Sylvie’s neck, Sylvie would lean close to his ear and whisper in his ear, far, far too much physical contact. Oh, and kisses with tongue, can’t forget those when trying to make someone immensely uncomfortable.

They kept it up all throughout dinner and dessert. At some point in between appetizers and receiving the dessert menu, the PDA stopped being an act. They started riling each other up, enjoying what they were doing to each other. They finished dessert incredibly aroused, and paid the bill as quickly as possible. Jay was vaguely aware of Antonio following them but he couldn’t bring himself to care.

They made it to Jay’s apartment in record time and started ripping off each other’s clothes the second the door was locked. Jay lofted Sylvie up and carried her into his bedroom with Sylvie distracting him, kissing and biting his neck. Once they made it there everything happened slow and steamy, with Sylvie screaming Jay’s name multiple times, Jay purring and growling in her ear. They were vaguely aware of someone pounding on the apartment door, whoever it was (Antonio) had been doing so since Jay and Sylvie locked the door. But they didn’t care. They only focused on each other. They let him knock.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*Brring, brring*

“Mhm, Halstead.”

“Halstead, we caught a case in Humble Park. Meet Upton there.”

“Sure thing Voight.” He hung up and stared at Sylvie for a moment, taking in her soft skin, mussed hair, and even breathing. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes as he wrapped his arms around her. “I love you, Sylvie Brett.”

“Mmm, I love you more, Jay Halstead.”

“Did I wake you?”

“Your phone did. You want me to make you some breakfast while you get in the shower?”

“That would be great.” He kissed her, revelling in the feeling of his naked body against hers first thing in the morning.

Jay walked onto the scene with a spring in his step, homemade breakfast in his stomach, and a reusable take-out cup filled with amazing coffee. “You’re looking happy Halstead. How’s Sylvie?”

“She’s great. She made these egg muffins, they’re really good, she sent a few in a container for you if you want them.”

“I absolutely want them. Sylvie is so sweet.”

“She really is.”

“You are so smitten.”

“I am, I uh, I’m actually thinking about proposing.”

“Oh my god, that’s huge!”

“Do you think she’d say yes?”

“Oh, she definitely would.”

“I haven’t had a chance to talk to Nat yet, but would you come with me to help pick out a ring?”

“You got it.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Jay was beyond nervous, but he was ready. He was ready for Sylvie to be his fiance, then his wife, then the mother of his children. Sylvie was just getting dressed and then they were heading to the park for an Irish festival, which would end in green fireworks. “Hey!” Sylvie jumped out from their bedroom in a deep green knee-length dress. “What do you think?”

“You look absolutely gorgeous. Seriously, I have absolutely no idea how I got lucky enough to date you.”

Later, just before the fireworks were about to begin, after they’d spent the whole day dancing and eating, Jay led Sylvie to a spot on a hill that two officers had been guarding for him, courtesy of Trudy. “This is an amazing spot, Jay. What did you have to bribe Trudy with to keep it?”

“Permission to take pictures and a speech if you say yes.”

“Yes to what- oh my god.”

“Sylvie Brett. You are the light of my life, I have never been this happy before and it’s all because of you. I love you so much and I want you to be my everything for the rest of our lives. So please, Sylvie, will you marry me?”

“Yes, of course, YES!” Jay slid the ring Natalie and Hailey had help him choose onto her finger, then he jumped up, wrapped her in his arms and twirled her in the air. He stopped, still holding her, Sylvie caressed his face lovingly before leaning down and kissing the love of her life. Completely ignoring the fireworks behind them, and the camera shutters in front of them. They were getting their happy ending, and they were going to love every second of it.

#One Chicago #Chicago Fire #Chicago PD #chicago med #jay halstead #sylvie brett #jay halstead x sylvie brett #gabby dawson #antonio dawson #antonio dawson x sylvie brett #brettonio #hailey upton #Natalie Manning #will halstead #will halstead x natalie manning #manstead #brettstead #brettstead fic

[booksalwaysandforever]

Holding on to the Memories Chapter 3

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Summary: Lauren’s life was a perfect dream, until one day it wasn’t. Cutting can distract you from life, but it can also take life away. Can Lauren get back home, or has it all been taken away from her?

Tag list:  @kai-unknown​

Length: almost 3000 words, it’s pretty long!

I’m so sorry, it has been forever since I posted. This chapter took a long time to write and I have had a rough couple weeks. I absolutely love this chapter and I hope you do too! I will try and get the next chapter out a lot faster than this one.

The darkness was all consuming. There was no way out, and no way to tell how long I had been here. It could’ve been 5 minutes or a month. I didn’t know. 

All of a sudden, the darkness lit up with millions of colors. At first, I thought the light was back, but as I watched the scene in front of me unfold, I quickly realized that wasn’t it at all. 

“Please, take care of her,” a woman, my birth mother, said as she handed a baby to Carlisle. 

“We will take care of her and give her a life as grand as if she were a princess.” She smiled at the answer and closed her eyes as her breathing stopped. Carlisle turned to the baby in his arms. “Welcome to the family, Lauren. I promise to love you as if you were my own daughter, as I’m sure Esme and the rest of your siblings will as well.” With that, he turned and rushed away.

This was a memory. It was mine, but at the same time, it wasn’t. I was too young to remember this. It must’ve been Carlisle’s. It was the day he found and adopted me. Carlisle had been hunting nearby and could smell the blood. He came as fast as he could to see what had happened and if he could help. Sadly, my dad was killed on impact and my mother was severely hurt. Carlisle couldn’t save her, but before she died, she gave me to Carlisle, in hopes that he could give me an amazing life. 

The memory quickly faded into another one.

“Everyone, I have some news,” Carlisle said as he walked through the door. “Meet your new little sister. Her parents were in a car crash and she has no other family, so she’ll be staying with us.”

Everyone piled around, getting a good look at their sister.

“Nessie,” Edward said, “she looks a little like you. And a lot like you did when you were human, Bella.”

“Yeah, brown hair, brown eyes, so similar.” Renesmee said, rolling her eyes as she moved closer to me. “Hi there girly. I’m Nessie, your big sister.” The little baby giggled and stretched their hands out to grab at Renesmee’s hand. When she got a hold of it, she pulled the fingers into her mouth and began sucking on them.

“I think she’s going to start using us all as teething rings,” Esme laughed as she reached her hands out to Carlisle. “Come here girly, Mommy wants to meet you.”

The moment Esme got her hands on the little girl, she began swaying side to side and humming to her. The baby was asleep within a minute.

“What’s her name, Carlisle?” Rosalie asked.

“Lauren Lee Stoel. She is about 4 months old I do believe. I have yet to see her official birth certificate, but I’m sure I will soon. The adoption process starts on Monday.”

“Wait, we’re actually adopting her?” Esme asked with a huge grin on her face.

“Yes dear. In a matter of months, she will officially be ours. She will officially be a Cullen.”

The scene faded again as another one began appearing. Renesmee was showing me as many memories as she could find, memories from my life, taken from the rest of my family, trying to help me wake up.

Esme opened the door to a room and walked in. I followed her in, but it was so dark, I couldn’t see anything. As my eyes adjusted, I realized it was the nursery. A baby, little me, was lying in a crib with Jasper sitting in the rocking chair nearby, reading a book.

“Jasper, what are you doing?” Esme quietly asked.

“I’m tryin’ to get used to her scent and calm ‘er down. She was fidgeting and having a nightmare, I think. I was gonna try and calm her down.”

Ever since that day, Jasper had been my best friend. Slowly, he had gotten used to me and every time I hurt myself or couldn’t sleep, he calmed me down.

The next memories were like pictures. There wasn’t much for talking, but there were short snippets of my life as a baby, captured like a picture.

Jasper was holding me and singing me to sleep while rocking in the rocking chair.

Rosalie was feeding me some mashed peas, which I had effectively flung back into her face. Everyone, including Rosalie, laughed.

Edward sat me in his lap, and was playing the piano. After a moment, I recognized the tune as my lullaby. I was banging on the piano as hard as I could, making it impossible for him to play.

Alice had dressed me up like a princess, practically in a ballgown. Baby me did not like that. I was screaming my lungs out and trying to pull it off. 

Emmett was lying on the ground beside me, playing with me. After a few moments, I yawned and fell asleep. Emmett appeared not to notice and continued playing with my fascinating baby toys.

As I watched these pictures, I realized that Renesmee wasn’t in all of them. She must have talked to everyone, asking them to tell her about some memories they had of me, and she painted the picture in my head. It was almost like I was there with them, watching myself grow up.

“Oh Lauren! Look at you! You’re so grown up,” Rosalie cooed. Emmett was holding onto my hands, helping my almost one year old self walk across the living room floor. “Come here, come to Rosy”

I let go of Emmett’s hands and walked the small three steps into Rosalie’s arms.

“Oh! Lauren, you did it!” she gasped.

“Yeah, you can walk now!” Emmett shouted

And another memory. A birthday no less.

“Happy birfday to me!!” I cried as I shoved my entire face into the birthday cake Alice had made for my first birthday.

“See, this is why we had to strip her before we let her eat it,” Carlisle said. “Lauren, do you like cake?”

“Oooooh, cake. I like cake,”

“Esme, I don’t think a bath is going to clean her. We’re going to need a garden hose.”

“I’ll go get the power washer!”

Everyone laughed. “Emmett, no! You do not get to hose down your sister with the power washer.”

Images of my second, third, and fourth birthday all passed by, along with many different images of me playing games with my family, meeting the wolves and playing with them, and other random memories. None of them were very long, just a moment or two, but that didn’t mean they weren’t important to me.

“Emmett, Jasper, can you guys take Lauren and go shopping for food for her this afternoon? Your father has to work and the rest of us need to go hunting,” Esme asked the boys.

“Sure thing, Mom,” Jasper said as he grabbed the keys. Emmett helped me put my shoes on and buckled me into my booster seat.

“So, what do you want for supper Lauren?” Emmett asked, turning around in his seat to look at me.

“Pancakes. And Mac and Cheese. Oh! And chicken nuggets.” Jasper laughed.

“We’ll see what we can get you squirt.”

When we got to the store, Emmett and Jasper followed me around the store and let me pick out anything I wanted. The best part of being the youngest kid was that all of my older siblings didn’t have the ability to say no to me. After 30 minutes of following me around the store, we walked out with several bags, mostly consisting of sugar, and brought them to the car. 

After spending the afternoon playing games and running around the house with Emmett and Jasper, everyone came home.

“So, how was shopping, boys?” Esme asked.

“Good, we got everything Lauren wanted.”

“Oh no. No no no.” Esme put her head in her hands. “Please tell me you bought more than just donuts, ice cream, and candy bars.”

“Don’t worry, we did. We also got her some fruit snacks, fruit roll ups, juice boxes, popsicles, and chocolate milk,” said Emmett with an innocent grin on his face.

“And some Mac and cheese, chicken nuggets, yogurt, fish sticks, and stuff for pancakes and waffles. Don’t worry, there is some actual food in there,” Jasper said, laughing at Esme’s horrified face. 

“So Lauren, what do you want to be for Halloween?” Jacob asked me.

“That’s a secret. You’ll just have to wait and see.”

Jacob always took Renesmee and I trick or treating. Renesmee was only one year older than my four year old self, so she passed for a young teenager. People still gave her candy when she was with me, so we always went together. Most of the time, it was too sunny out when we started trick or treating so none of the rest of the family could come.

A week later, it was time to go trick or treating. Alice was in my room helping me get ready. 

“Lauren, are you almost ready? We need to go before all the good candy is gone,” Jacob called from down the stairs. 

“I’m coming. I’m coming,” I shouted back. As I walked down the stairs, Jacob started laughing. I was dressed up as Little Red Riding Hood, and Renesmee and I convinced him to be a wolf. Renesmee was dressed as a grandma to follow along with the whole scheme.

“See, we match!”

From that day on, Jacob always called me Little Red. My Halloween costumes had earned me several nicknames. I dressed up as a bear for Emmett one year and he had begun to call me “brown bear”. I became known as “spider monkey” to Edward because I dressed up as a spider monkey one year for him, and the fact that I would always climb on everything when I was little. To Jasper, I was his “mini major”. I had dressed up as a cowgirl once and I often had a bit of a temper and was pretty sassy. The best Halloween costume though, was when I dressed up as a vampire. Alice and Edward helped me get red contacts, fake fangs, a cape, and everything else to help me look like a vampire in movies, even some fake blood and red juice to drink. Everyone loved it. It was by far, the best Halloween costume ever.

“Can I please know what my birthday present is?” I asked. Jasper had blind folded me and had slung me over his shoulder while he carried me somewhere. 

“No. It’s a surprise.”

“Come on, please? Pretty please? I’m seven now. I should get to know.”

“No.”

“Wow, this is one of the first times you’ve said no.” Jasper laughed.

“We’ve all had a hard time saying no to you since you’re so cute.”

“I’m not cute,” I exclaimed as I hit him as hard as I could without hurting myself. “Rosalie says I’m beautiful. Also, your shoulder hurts. It’s too hard. I’m going to break my hand one of these days from smacking you or Emmett.” Jasper laughed at me again.

“Then maybe don’t hit us.”

“But you deserve to be hit.”

“I agree with Lauren.” Rosalie said, standing somewhere beside me. Jasper set me down on the ground. I could tell we were outside due to the sound of the creek and the breeze blowing my hair.

“Okay, are you ready to see your birthday present?”

“Yes. I’ve been waiting a whole year!” Everyone laughed.

“Okay then.”

Rosalie untied the blindfold and everyone at the party began singing happy birthday. My family, the pack, Grandpa Charlie, Grandma Sue, Grandpa Billy, and even my aunts and uncles from Alaska were there. Alice had made this a huge party, with fairy lights hanging from the trees, a huge banner that said “Happy 7th birthday, Lauren” in fancy calligraphy, and a huge birthday cake. But the coolest thing I saw was a swimming pool with a diving board and slide, a trampoline, and a tree house in the climbing tree. 

“A tree house, a pool, and a trampoline?” I exclaimed, jumping up and down. 

“Yes dear,” said Carlisle. “You’ve been begging us to get at least one for a while and you’ve been doing amazing in school, so we decided to let you have all three. 

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!” I shouted as I gave him and Esme hugs. I ran over to the trampoline, and Seth, Jacob, Emmett, and Jasper followed me.

“Boys,” Esme called. “That is Lauren’s gift. Let's not break it on the first day.”

A billion more memories went through my head. Memories of riding on Jacob’s back through the forest and going on runs with all of my siblings and the rest of the pack. Memories of playing tons of board games and video games with Emmett and Jasper, learning to play piano with Edward, and learning to dance with all my brothers and Dad. Going shopping with Rosalie, Alice, and Bella, spending the night at Renesmee’s house and her spending the night with me. Having sleepovers at Grandpa Charlie and Grandma Sue’s house, sleepovers with the pack at Sam and Emily’s house, and even sleepovers in Alaska with Aunt Tanya, Aunt Kate, and Uncle Garrett. Making a flower crown for everyone in the Volturi when they came to visit, making Marcus smile for the first time in a very long time, pretending to be a vampire princess when I visited their palace. Singing and dancing for my entire family, playing tag with everyone, only for it to end with someone catching me, throwing me in the air, and tickling me. Memories of things like going tubing, or to an amusement park with Renesmee, Jacob, Seth, and sometimes the rest of the pack. Even just simple things like blasting music in the car on the way to school, or seeing everyone in the front row at one of my dance recitals. Every one of those billion memories reminded me of why I needed to fight to stay. I needed to hold on to these memories and go home. But how?

One last memory plays in my mind. This one definitely wasn’t mine, but it was everyone else's.

My entire family was there, standing in a hospital room, crowded around a bed. My bed. Renesmee was sitting next to me, on my right side near the window, holding her hand to my cheek. Jasper was sitting on my other side holding my hand, while Alice was standing behind him. Esme and Carlisle, Rosalie and Emmett, Edward and Bella, and Jacob were all standing around my bed. Edward spoke first.

“As you’ve realized, Renesmee has been playing as many memories as she could find for you to try and wake you up. So far, it hasn’t helped. I hope this does. We need you to come back, Lauren.”

“Brown bear, come home,” Emmett whispered just loud enough for everyone to hear. “We’ve got to play Cards Against Humanity.”

“Lauren, we found your gifts,” Rosalie said, reaching for the locket around her neck. “I love it. And I promise,” she said, opening the locket to reveal the picture inside. “I didn’t put anything embarrassing in here.” 

Esme’s crying was worse than it had ever been. Her body was shaking with sobs, which was very unusual for a vampire. She was turned into Carlisle’s body, who was holding her, but he looked like he was going to collapse himself.

“Princess, please. We need you,” was all he could choke out in a hoarse whisper. My dad was never like this. He was always cool, calm, collected. Right now, he looked like a mess. I had broken my Dad. And that broke my heart.

“Little Red, the pack needs you too.” Jacob said from behind Renesmee. “They’ve all been a mess. Especially Seth and Leah. They haven’t slept or eaten in days. We need you. Fight. Please, please fight.”

“Lauren, I need my best friend. I need help eating all the candy and ice cream at home, help beating the boys at every video game we own, help pulling all nighters and watching every movie for the six millionth time. I can’t do that without you. I can’t do it without my best friend and sister.”

Both Bella and Alice couldn’t talk, they were sobbing too hard. I left Alice speechless for the first time ever. 

“I love you too.” That was all Jasper could say. I had never seen him cry. Jasper did not cry. Not once. But now, he was. My big brother, the Major, the strongest of us all, was crying, no, sobbing. And it was all my fault. Slowly, Jasper leaned forward and kissed my forehead.

That kiss was true love. My brother loved me more than anything, and that was what fought the darkness. The feeling of his lips leaving my head were the first thing I could feel. That and his cold hand in mine felt amazing against my burning skin. Now, I could hear the sounds of everyone's sobs in my own ears. I was regaining consciousness! I had fought the darkness and now I could go home. I forced my eyes open and looked at my family, who, other than Alice and Edward, had no idea I was awake. Alice had gasped the moment Jasper had decided to kiss my head, so everyone turned to look at her.

“Jasper” I croaked. Everyone turned their heads to me as fast as they could, disbelief filling their eyes. 

“Lauren!”

#twilight #twilight imagine #Cullen Family #carlisle cullen #esme cullen #edward cullen #bella cullen #renesmee cullen #jacob black #jasper hale #jasper whitlock #rosalie cullen #rosalie twilight #alice cullen #Emmett Cullen #twilight imagines

[dashboardcat]

I Try One of Everything at Salt City Market (Part 2)

Remember like 3 weeks ago when I did a write-up of a food hall in my hometown, guaranteed to attract the attention of like, 2 people?  Well, it’s time for more of that! 

Attempt #1

While there wasn’t a line outside this time, the market itself seemed just as busy as it was the day after the grand opening.  I also tried to make a point to take in more of the decor, but I don’t think I really have anything new to add other than the fact that I watched not one but two people struggle to stuff the big paper bags their food came in into the trendy, tiny-opening trash cans.  More importantly, I forgot that like, half of the stands are closed on Mondays, meaning I would have to come back another time to finish my quest. 

ERMA’S ISLAND- Jerk Pork (half portion)- $10

I want to say right off the bat that of all the things I’ve tried from this market, this was hands down the best smelling.  And thankfully, the pork pretty much tasted as good as it smelled.  It was tender and juicy, and the sauce was complex, with a good amount of heat that didn’t overpower the other flavors.  The rice and beans that it came with, on the other hand, was a little bland, but that’s nothing that mixing the sauce into can’t fix.  

Unfortunately, I can never show my face there again, because when the cashier asked me if I wanted the half or whole portion, I said “Yeah,” and made her repeat herself like 3 times.

MAMMA HAI- “Marco Polo” Banh Mi- $10

Yes, that’s pepperoni on a banh mi.

The roll was nice and crusty, and to be honest, that’s like 90% of what makes a good sandwich for me.  Unfortunately, the pickled veggies and cilantro (and this blog is pro-cilantro, get over yourselves, haters) sort of overpowered the pepperoni and the char siu pork, which is a shame because I wanted that pepperoni to shine.  If this was a $5 banh mi, I wouldn’t have a problem with that, but at $10 I would have liked a little more meat, or at least for the already existing meat to make its presence felt.  The pate and mayo kinda also get lost, but do present a bit of richness in about every other bite (and, for another controversial sandwich opinion, I don’t necessarily think that every bite of a sandwich has to have an even distribution of everything, otherwise the flavors sort of just blur together after a while).  Overall, it’s a fairly decent sandwich, but left me longing for something more.  They also have a curry chicken banh mi, maybe that one has a better balance of flavor.

CAKE BAR- Locus Cake- $6.50

One thing about Cake Bar that isn’t made apparent by looking at their stand is that, according to their website, it’s meant to resemble a Vietnamese cafe.  In hindsight, this kinda explains the wide variety of specialty teas (specialteas, if you will) they also had available.

The chocolate cake was moist and had little crispy bits running throughout it.  At first, I thought it was eggshells, because I’m an idiot and always assume the worst.  After picking out an especially large chunk, I realized it was broken up bits of Biscoff cookies! (Further research has shown me that the parent company that makes Biscoff cookies is called Locus, thus, y’know, the name of the cake.  Probably should have put that together sooner, it literally says “Locus” on the cookie, one of which was lodged into the top of the cake.)  The buttercream was surprisingly light, and the caramel on top had the perfect consistency, gooey enough to stay put but not so gooey that it turned into a stringy mess after running your fork through it.  The only negative thing I really have to say about the all-around experience was that the box they used made it kind of difficult to get the slice out of it (as you can see, I ended up just tearing the sides up).

Attempt #2 

Since the market is relatively close to my work, I figured I would drop by after work one day to bang out the rest of the list.

BAGHDAD RESTAURANT- Beef Shawarma- $6.99

At first, I laughed to myself upon seeing it in one of those gas station sub bags.  The laughing faded pretty quickly, though, upon seeing it was, in fact served on a sub roll. I'm not a shawarma expert. maybe that can be an acceptable way to eat it? The beef was well spiced and that perfect sweet spot between tender and still having something to sink your teeth into.  Unfortunately, that’s more or less where my compliments end.  What little sauce the menu promised (just called “sauce,” don’t ask me what it is) has soaked into the bread and completely disappeared, making the whole thing somewhat dry and lackluster.  Also, they didn’t cut it, which was fine with the heartier banh mi’s baguette but with the softer sub roll didn’t have the structural integrity to be picked up whole without a struggle.  My biggest gripe with it is mostly on me, though, as the juice from the pickles tainted most of it with pickle stank, which could have been avoided entirely if I had just ordered it without.  

SOULUTIONS- Mustard and Berbere Fried Chicken ($6) and FIRE MAC ($4)

(Note- the $6 order of chicken comes with 2 of these chicken cutlets, but I carelessly ate one before taking the picture.)

I do want to clear the air here and say that yes, I did accidentally order fried chicken and mac and cheese from both of the soul food places.  I was originally going to get the burger, at my friend’s recommendation, but the menu board by the register suspiciously didn’t have the burger on it, so I panicked and ordered the fried chicken again.  

While the breading was stained yellow from mustard, the honey mustard taste was very subtle.  I also have to admit to not knowing off the top of my head what berbere (I had to google it, it’s an Ethiopian spice blend) tastes like, so i can't tell you if this tasted like that.  But, despite not being especially strong in either of the namesake seasonings, it definitely is a flavorful piece of chicken nonetheless.  Flavors work that way sometimes.

The Fire Mac may not have delivered as strongly on cheese as I may have liked, but it definitely did deliver on the fire, drizzled with a tangy buffalo-esque sauce.  And Topped with crumbled bits of fried chicken skins? Can’t go wrong with that.

JUICE AND FLOWERS- “Root | 12” Juice- $8

Misleading name, I didn’t see any flowers anywhere.  Zero stars. 

The beet and lemon were the most pronounced of the flavors, with the ginger lingering on the palate and, unsurprisingly, the apple and carrot mostly being there to round the whole thing out.  The employee that waited on me was very passionate and knowledgeable about the juice, informing me that 2 pounds of produce had gone into this little bottle, and that it’d have a shelf life of 3-5 days.  Which is good, because I put it back in the fridge after I got home to chill it back down, and then proceeded to forget about it for 3 days.  It’s also a very thick and hearty juice, so it doesn’t feel that weird to only want to drink half a bottle in one sitting and, y’know, make this $8 bottle of juice last a little longer. 

Attempt #3

Knowing fully well that I was going to have a long night shift ahead of me, I decided to check out the Coffee Bar side of the market for what would be my third trip over the course of 5 days.  I feel like I should also point out that the Coffee Bar, as its name literally breaks down as, serves coffee during the day and a full bar at night.  I also noticed during this visit that the Coffee Bar has a patio seating area under construction, cheesy string lights and all, that I am looking forward to.

Fruity Pebbles Latte- $6

Against my best judgement, I got it “for here” for the sake of the pic, even though a.) I had to break my rule of not eating in places because this fucking pandemic isn’t over yet and b.) I was nervous about being late for work the whole time (I did, in fact, get there on time).  As I waited, I could see their secret recipe fruity pebbles milk sitting on the counter.  It was, in fact, fruity pebbles and milk.  

I didn’t really think the Fruity Pebbles would work with the espresso, having had been burned before by places that just dump them onto things with no regard of the flavor profile just for the sake of the burst of color.  But, somehow… it did work.  Maybe it’s because cereal milk is never quite as strong as some might hope, but the subtle fruitiness of the milk played well with the chocolatey notes in the espresso.  The espresso itself probably also had the best crema on it that I’ve ever seen on a latte (and yes, I had to google the pretentious espresso-snob term for the foam that floats to the top).

Also shoutout to the pour over, which on their menu board is priced at "4-ish"

I’m so glad I’m living with my parents again at the moment.  Otherwise, this whole thing would’ve been like, a month’s worth of my food budget.

#food #restaurant reviews #salt city market