#i need to read the manga to give myself the content i a craving
chocoenvy · 6 months ago
*Gives you a chocolate milkshake*
I am CRAVING SAGAU Collei content.
(And yet, I'm too lazy to write it myself--)
AAA THAMK YOU FOR THE CHOCO MILKSHAKE (im tempted to make one now)
I'm afraid I haven't read the manga yet (i need to though) but I know about Collei and <333 It'd be so nice to have sagau content like aAA
BABE/p IMAGINE MEETING COLLEI WHILE THE BOTH OF YOU ARE TRAVELING and you're both like squinting at each other because Collei is wary of you and you're like "why does she look familiar?"
And eventually you both walk up to each other and you're like "Hi! Nice to meet you!"
And at the same time Collei says, "The hell do you want from me creep?"
And it's such dichotomy you both just have to stand there stunned for a moment looking at each other until you break down in laughter, apologizing for staring so much.
Collei is just 0-0 standing there, confused.
"you looked familiar, that's why I was staring, sorry."
And somehow you both get onto why and where you're traveling to and you both start shit talking the fatui
and that's how your friendship started!
Collei doesn't really question why people hate you, she doesn't want to pry as she understand what it's like. SO IMAGINE BEING BESTIES WITH COLLEI and you're both avoiding civilization like the plague and eventually you both find out you're fucking god.
And Collei is just so shocked because she hated gods, and she hated gods with you. Do you hate yourself??? Why did you not tell her??? Wouldn't it have been fun for a god to punish some dumb kid shit talking you?
You're just, "Collei, chill." because you still love Collei
But Collei can't just CHILL you're GOD and probably BLEEDING OUT GOLDEN BLOOD. She tries her darndest to heal you or smth and gets golden blood everywhere until someone finds your two dumbasses and possibly assumes Collei hurt you.
So you have to defend Collei while you're bleeding out and being frantically healed by vision-wielders, but you're crying for Collei to not be hurt and you're all emotionally damaged afterwards :>
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Headcanons of what life in the Devildom would be like if my best friend and I were both exchange student at the same time:
Heads up! This is completely self-indulgent content. I made this as a gift for my best friend: @beel-is-a-snack love you bitch 😘
- Lucifer would probably really hate us at first.
- It’s feels to him like everywhere we go together, something really weird will happen
- It’s things he cannot link to us, but he knows it’s because of us because these things never happened before
- At first, we probably wouldn’t listen to his orders, we didn’t leave a controlling household just to go to another one
- A single punishment (and not the kinky kind) would be all it takes for us to never disobey his orders again
- It would come at no surprise that I would immediatly have a fat crush on him and that I would talk about him all the time to you, even though you wouldn’t understand what I see in him at first
- The more you would notice how much he cares about his brothers, the more you would like him. You two would developed a mutual understanding about taking the role of the parent by default even if that wasn’t your choice
- You two could probably also relate to each other’s daddy issues sorry love you
- With time you two could be really close friends, but probably not more than that, because he’s mine
- Don’t worry we’ll find you a more suitable boyfriend
- He definitely wouldn’t try to come between our friendship and would never be jealous of it either
- He would give us plenty of time alone, but even if he didn’t, we couldn’t even try to speak French around him because I’m 100% sure he also speak French as a second or third or fourth language
- We would probably found out about it the hard way while I would either tell you how handsome he is or you telling me he’s a control freak and he would just reply to us in perfect French
- Yeah we would only make that mistake once
- Mammon also hates us at first, he has to take care of TWO humans?? That’s asking too much of him, he can barely take care of himself
- After a while, it would probably be the other way around as we would be the ones taking care of him
- He cannot decide which one of us he loves more (probably the one who gives him the most attention and positive reinforcement)
- He quickly becomes jealous of our friendship and tries to hangout with us every chances he gets
- It can be a bit awkward when we’re trying to talk about boys, since we’re likely talking about his brothers
- We would need to have codes to refer to the brothers or we could use French when we don’t want him to understand what we’re saying, since he’s definitely too dumb to understand French
- It was 100% clear in our minds that neither of us would end up dating Mammon as we both need someone who could mentally stimulates us
- Also he would for sure steal our stuff out of our rooms and try to sell them
- After a full week of silent treatment from both of us, he wouldn’t ever try to steal our stuff again
- He would try to trick us in participating in his shaninagans, but we would probably report it to Lucifer just to see Mammon get punish (ok mostly me, but I would drag you with me to see the aftermath)
- Never suspects us of being the one who snitch him all the time to Lucifer, he probably thinks it’s Levi
- Oh boy. Opposite to Lucifer and Mammon, it’s us who hates him at first
- What the fuck is that hair style, why is he always screaming and talking an hundred miles an hour rambling about animes and Ruri-Chan, who’s Ruri-Chan??
- Probably calls us normies until he finds out you had a Naruto collection when you were 13 years old and that you used to love mangas
- And that I now enjoy some animes and mangas myself, so now he calls both of us weebs, which isn’t much better honestly
- We would TOLERATE gaming with him if he isn’t screaming all the fucking time
- We would immediately leave any room we’re in everytime he says “Woooooaaaahhhh”
- He needs to shut up or else we can never be friends with him
- He also gets jealous of our friendship, he wish he had a best friend with such a strong bond, yeah he has Henry 2.0 but it’s just not the same you know
- He wonders if his friendship with Ruri-Chan would be similar to ours if she was real
- He tried to become really close with Solomon to recreate our friendship, but Solomon spent his time trying to form a pact with Levi so he ended it
- I have to say that I think that Satan and I are the most similar
- We’re both intelligent, independent and observant individuals who do not tolerate dumb people, we both enjoy reading a bit too much, we’re both messy, we’re both way too honest and we’re pros at hiding our anger (especially towards stupidity)
- Ok, so I’m not saying you wouldn’t get along with Satan, I just think you wouldn’t have much in common with him and by that I mean that’s he’s a very rational being and the best form of art in his eyes is writing
- I think what would make it or break it for both of you is his and your knowledge on all forms of arts and the history being it. Satan would probably test you and if you pass in his eyes, you can be friends, otherwise he would consider you unworthy
- Yeah I know it’s rough, but you don’t need a friend who needs to test you on your knowledge about art to see if you two can be friends
- Even if you pass the test, I don’t see you two being super close as he is mostly in his room reading and you would be in your studio, doing all of your art projects
- In any case, you guys would have to get along somehow since he would probably be the one I would be closest with and you’re my best friend so obviously you two would have to hang out by default quite a lot
- When you would be in your studio, I would probably be at the library or in Satan’s room reading
- We would also all study together and use Satan as our tutor for classes were we have more difficulty (but you’re lucky, there’s no French class given at RAD so you should do fine)
- If we push aside the lust part of him and focus on his other personality traits, Asmo would like us from the start
- Two best friends how fun! He would probably tell us how Solomon is his best friend before finding out later by Solomon that it isn’t true
- Asmo is a lonely demon, sure he gets plenty of physical attention, but no one cares about him past his beauty
- We would be the one to change that, we would both see further than his beauty, but also further than his narcissistic ways to find out who the real Asmo is
- He’s the insecure one who only wants to be love. We would both act as his therapist. Sometimes he would confess to us while doing our nails and makeup or sometimes he would just start sobbing on my lap or your lap, pouring his heart out and telling us his deepest fears and secrets because he finally feels safe enough to say these things to someone
- He would probably crave our attention and comfort the more and more we listen to him. We would need to set boundaries or else we would feel like we’re suffocating. We both need our space and Asmo would have to understand that fact
- We would rub on him and he would slowly stop going out so much, instead appreciating his alone time the better he feels about himself
- At first I would be a bit scared of him, he’s big and he keeps making comments about how delicious we look (and again, not in the kinky way)
- You on the other hand, would probably feel that he isn’t a bad guy at all and you would definitely see more than his angry looking face and his never ending comments about food
- Just a few conversations with him can tell how much he cares about his family and his twin in particular
- That man is such an himbo, but he also have a big heart just like you and you’re both so cute together
- Everyone ship the both of you even though you’re both emotionally dense and it would take a while for you and him to FINALLY be together
- It’s not that you didn’t love each other, it’s just that you never took the signs that the other one was sending you, mistaking it for simple kindness and nothing more
- He would probably have to just straight up tell you l that he’s in love with you for your relationship to go anywhere
- Basically everyone’s like “FINALLY” the moment you both annonce that you’re officially dating
- Wedding and kids would come shortly after that
- You’re both very family oriented and are both super vanilla so that’s a winning couple if I’ve ever seen one
- Ok first of all, if we were the MC, Belphie would 100% still be locked in the attic
- It would only take one warning from Lucifer for us to never go up those stairs again
- But for the sake of this, let’s say you knew this was Beel’s brother and you loved Beel so much that you were ready to face the consequences to save his brother
- And let’s say I wasn’t aware of this, because if I were and we both decided to go up the stairs anyway, it wouldn’t take me long at all before realizing that Belphie is lying to us and that we cannot trust him
- If I wasn’t aware of you going up the stairs by yourself, you’re so trusting of everyone that you would for sure do the same thing as the MC and free Belphegor just to get yourself killed. I told you dozens of time, don’t trust everyone!
- Anyway, let’s say we both died somehow (I probably got killed by Lucifer once he found out what you did) and Barbatos and Diavolo brought us to a timeline were we didn’t die
- Well, let’s say the saying “I forgive but I never forget” would represent me 100%
- I would be forgiving for the sake of Beelzebub, but Belphie and I would NEVER be close, whether it appears to be the case or not
- I might let him sleep on my lap or listen to him talk about how he loves his twin, but don’t get me wrong, I would never trust him or be his friend
- In your case, you would either be like me or you wouldn’t ever forgive him
- Forgivness isn’t always something you can control and you might always hold a grudge against him after what he did
- That could either destroy what you had with Beel, because he cannot date someone who hates his brother so much, or he could also understand how you feel, but he would still try to make you and his brother friends good luck with that
- Oh boy that’s my type of man right there
- What a fucking piece of ass
- Ok back on track, Diavolo would obviously be the one who’s most excited to have us in the Devildom
- He would always invite us for tea, asking us questions about the human world and laughing at our dumb stories
- We would troll him with human traditions that don’t exist like how you need to pray before eating chocolate truffle or how humans eat St-Hubert (a rotisserie restaurant comparable to Nando’s) every Sunday and how What Makes You Beautiful by One Direction is the national anthem of our country
- I can imagine him watching the video clip of What Makes You Beautiful that same night and being like “wow! That is beautiful!”
- Lucifer would be so mad at us, but it would be worth it
- We would also tell him that “thug life” and “yolo” are commonly use expression in the human world when you’re excited about something and he would start using them at the most random moments while everyone is like “???”
- We would totally hate every party hosted by Diavolo and we would 1000% leave to explore the castle only to get lost and then brought back by either Barbatos or Lucifer (lord have mercy)
- It doesn’t matter, we would do it everytime, choosing a different path everytime until we’ve explore every part of the castle (which would realistically never happen)
- Diavolo would probably give us a plan of the castle behind Lucifer’s back so we can explore the castle however we want. He himself, isn’t a fan of these events and would much rather hang out with us than be stuck making conversations with nobles he doesn’t care about
- Other than that, you would have to listen to me talk endlessly about how it isn’t fair that I cannot date both Lucifer AND Diavolo until I actually do
- This one is a difficult one, since we basically know nothing about the Butler
- We would probably have a good grasp of who he is if we were in the devildom, since we have pretty good intuitions on people
- I would probably talk to Barbatos about baking and all the different variations of tea, probably dropping way to soon a reference to Black Butler like he never heard the comparaison before
- Much like his devilgram story, he would probably invite me to get some specific type of tea that can only be purchase out of town, never implying that it’s a date even though he qualify it as one in his head
- There’s not much more to say about him, I think you would see him as Diavolo’s Butler more than a potential lover or close friend
- Ouf poor sweet angel. Let’s state the obvious first, he would probably be very disappointed in me and my very obvious lust for certain demons
- Wouldn’t be happy with me straying further away from god each passing day
- I would defend myself by telling him I do pray and go once a year to church to ask God for forgiveness for all of my sins
- Yeah if I was in the Devildom, my list of sins I committed during my stay would be particularly long
- Still, I would have no regrets
- Ok, I have to say it, this angel is shady. I think we would sense that something isn’t right with him. His smile and energy are a little off, he’s definitely hiding something but what?
- If we had time to kill we could do some research on the matter and ask people around about what they know about Simeon, maybe spy on him while he’s out in town?
- We would probably get caught and ask by a very scary Simeon, to stop whatever we are doing
- Yeah let’s take the wise decision of staying away from him from now on
- He would need to understand that it’s not because we’re all humans that we NEED to hang out together
- I would have to keep you away from him, or at least not let you hang out alone with him. I don’t think he’s evil, but he might use you as human experiment for his potions and spells and I don’t want you to accidentally be turned into a pig or something
- I’ll accept the occasional vines references wars and the team up to tell Diavolo even more made up things about the human world, but that’s all
- I would probably compare him to Harry Potter all the time
- Let’s just stay far away from the shady sorcerer
- I have no motherly instincts, but I would protect this child from all of the brothers teasing, but that’s about it. I really don’t care about this child, SIMEON COME PICK UP YOUR SON, HE POOPED HIMSELF AGAIN “Stephanie that’s not true!!” Luke would bark back as he tries to hide the streak of poop on the back of his white pants (sorry I don’t know why this came to mind, but I have this headcanon that sometimes when he’s afraid, Luke will poop his pants and this boy is VERY scared of Lucifer, so it happens quite often)
- You would probably be way more motherly towards him than me and you and Beel would basically adopt Luke as your own child
- Just always carry baby wipes and a clean pair of pants with you at all times and you’re all good
- I hope you like baking sweets, because your son will surely want to spend some bonding time with his mom over baking time, and of course you have to enjoy the sweets you both made over a nice cup of tea that Barbatos made for you two
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realcube · a year ago
not a request but a question. how are u my boo ?? 😼😼
hiya! and thank you for asking 🙏 allow me this time to go on somewhat of a rant lol
physically, i’m alright. mentally, i’m good. and i hope you are too!
emotionally though...
(in the everlasting word of cardi b: i’m glad you brung it up because i’ve been dying to talk about it for a fucking hot minute - first of all)
 i’m a mix of both disappointed, disgusted and revolted. for an array of reasons. 
the first - and least serious - being the promised neverland. though i am delighted season two is coming out but upon going on tumblr, i’m disappointed to see that they cut many interesting aspects of the manga plotline out of the show. but i mean, it didn’t bother me too much. ig i can just save up to buy the manga then 🤷‍♂️
but that was more like a step of irritation leading up to a more serious issue, that being racism/ableism/general bigotry. i was scrolling through two of my favourite writing blogs and similar events happened on both accounts, both of which were extremely sickening things to read.
one of the blogs got hate for writing a bnha x blind!reader and the other got hate for writing a bnha x poc!reader. as a poc myself (south asian)... i can’t help but wonder, why are y’all so mad?
as i’m fairly able-bodied but when i scroll passed a (character) x blind/deaf/any other disability!reader, my first instinct isn’t to send anon hate to the writer about how ‘(character) would not date someone like that! it’s just not their type! (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻’ but rather, i’d be happy that this group of ppl is finally getting the representation they deserve and move on with my day - like it ain’t that deep.
and this isn’t me putting myself on a pedestal of ‘i’m morally superior’ bc i am well aware that there are many lovely people on this website would do the exact same thing as me. but to the few who feel inclined to hate on a content creator bc they are writing for a specific group of people who are known to be underrepresented in the media; you need to revaluate yourself 💗 maybe find a fucking hobby or sumn 💕 perhaps go look on another site for someone who’ll give you the validation you so desperately crave bc you’re not going to find it here 💞
anyway, rant over. how are you, bb? (´▽`ʃ♡ƪ)
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Koi to Producer 7 | HGPC 3 | V-CRX Panel for Ex-Arm | BnHA OVA | God of High School 3
(re: V-CRX notes) I jotted these down at 6 am, local time, so if they’re not particularly coherent, then I blame my sleep-deprived self (...well, at least it wasn’t as bad as the person who said they got up at 5 am - now that’s a bona fide Saito Soma stan!). Instead of leaving the formatting until the last minute, I added in dot points while watching and so the formatting looks different (because the version of Word I have on the computer I’m using now does autoformatting). Some of the content from the panel reappears in this Anime News Network article.
(re: BnHA OVA) This OVA, the one about the survival training, is behind a paywall. I started a free trial on my regional Funimation sublicensor, due to a huge coincidence regarding Human Lost which ended with me shutting up and giving my money.
Koi to Producer 7
Does Victor like persistence, or…? He’s the master of mixed signals, that man…
That second eyecatch was…Gavin? Hard to tell, the dudes look fairly alike and even have the same hair colour (bar Kiro).
Why do even little kids have to manspread?
Looks like even Victor uses Windows 10, except the “window” is arched on the top and straight on the bottom. (see 12:07 to the end)
This is almost painful…seeing Protag-chan being spoonfed like a baby bird…
…way to point out the love interests mostly look the same, Koi to Producer. Lucien and Victor’s only differences are the slight change in hair colour.
Going back for the rest of HGPC.
Kawai (river + well (for water))...that’s what I assume. Likewise, Sawaizumi seems to be made of the characters for “wetland” or “stream” (for water) and “spring” (for water).
Ex-Arm Panel (VCRX)
-          It was easier to follow the Japanese audio for some reason for me, especially with Saito.
-          It is a sci-fi/action at heart, but has various elements to it such as romance
-          It was decided to be 3D with a live-action director from the beginning
-          “new story” Kimura “received [the creators’] blessing” to do
-          Akira is an excellent cook, but not adept with machines – ideal protagonist, but mentally a high school boy – starts being hit by a truck – he doesn’t try to act cool – comical scenes between Minami and Akira, lots of trust between them so they can be friends – connects with Alma to fight at times – Minami is a “friend”, Akira is a “partner”
-          It’s clear the host Siobhan recorded her lines separately and her questions were probably asked by a person adept in Japanese and English at first – it seemed like she was reading from a teleprompter
-          Recording Akira’s lines was “something fun and new”, being conscious of breathing and human movements (e.g. breathing in, turning around when startled by something) was critical
-          “I wanted to include action that had never been seen in an anime before” – Kimura – production also used techniques that they’d never used before
-          “Freedom from gravity” was the biggest thing for Kimura that differed between live-action and anime, also the lack of Akira’s body
-          “I don’t get along with machines very well” – Saito – he still likes tech though!
-          This seems like – to me – a modern anime for the modern world.
-          “a device that allows you to communicate without opening your mouth” – it sounds like Harmony (No Guns Life)
-          Action scenes in 3D for the audience’s perceived involvement  first, get live-action footage, then turn it to 3D
-          There was (is?) an “action team”
-          I woke up at 6 am for this, so getting to know a seiyuu I’ve been stanning recently…it’s like a dream, but also a bit disappointing that the distance is a bit troublesome
-          Saito would want to be an electric guitar and team up with a guitarist (because he does his own songs), Kimura wants to be a drone
-          Both enjoying the original manga and the anime have their advantages. – Saito
-          Story about the protag’s growth
-          The special announcement was that some of the additional characters’ voices were announced
-          “sekai to seifu ni sensen”/”declaring war on the world [of SF]”
I got a subscription to my local Funimation sublicensor to get ahold of this OVA…make my money worth it!
Geez, the characterisation of Bakugo did a massive snapback…
…Someone ships Deku x Uraraka on the production team…
God of High School 3
Sometimes you just get tired of over-advertising and need a break from the one simulcasting anime. That’s what I was doing with this, but then I started craving magical girl anime and needed something different to back it up with, so here I am again.
Chibis, huh…?
Yup, I hear ya Miseon! You go girl!
I still think Crosshead here (Mujin Park) looks like Chrollo from Hunter x Hunter.
The saying reminds me of this song by the Presets.
There’s power behind every move…I can tell, because I’m an action writer and fan of action anime myself.
Hmm…”I can’t afford to lose!” Time is money. I think the subbers noted that with the translation.
Mori reeeeeeeeeeeeally likes bananas, huh?
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joshuakiryusmom · 2 years ago
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All I need is to simply call out your name And look I can’t help but loving you the same “What’s that face?” As we sit in this empty room You turned to me with that playful smile you do Today as well, I have fallen here for you
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buri-art · 2 years ago
May 10, 2019. A crack fanartist of the Tumblr AkaYona community disappeared.
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While some have accepted her prior statements about “being busy moving and starting a new career” and “wanting to focus on writing original novels” her other statements about “craving a mental juice cleanse from social media” leave the impression that she went willingly. Rumors state her ghost made an appearance, and even skeptics have noted the evidence left in her March 2020 archive.
Today, we bring you the latest update.
June 26, 2020:
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( ° ∀ ° )ノ゙‘Sup~~~~ Well, it’s been a year, and the Ask Box is back open, but don’t get excited yet, I’ll come back to the art topic in a moment. I have indeed been happy with being a social media hermit, but it’s not bad to drop in here and there. Here’s a general update:
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No, no, I haven’t totally quit writing! But it would be totally dodging reality if I didn’t come out and admit why I am currently unable to produce any original or AkaYona content. 
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You guys, I’ve got it so bad. Like, this is the most mainstream thing I’ve been into since Digimon was on Fox Kids, but it is seriously everywhere. Not only does that keep it on my mind almost constantly, but I have money now. All a candy company needs to do to get me to buy something I had no interest in is slap a favorite character or two on the package (and those candies were disgusting, yet I did not regret that purchase).
Now, besides giving myself permission to set aside the writing I made progress on, I have generally been on an art slump. I still doodle, but I feel like my art has gotten much worse. Back when I was active drawing for the AkaYona fandom, I never had a lack of things to draw; no matter how dumb the joke or uninspired the art, I always knew I had an audience. 
Now that I have chosen generally not to have any social media audience, there is some pressure to draw “nice” art with wide appeal that I could show anybody. And I’ve drawn, what, maybe three pieces like that? In general, even if I do want to draw, I just don’t have any ideas, and I feel very out of practice. Now, yes, that does bring me back to KnY, but hold your horses, this isn’t turning into a KnY Tumblr!! My watchers are here for AkaYona, not sudden KnY spoilers!! But, yes, I did get a few dumb ideas, and when I get dumb ideas, I draw them, and I made a separate Tumblr to post them so that no one would get spoiled. Now, the really funny part is that my KnY art has virtually gone completely unnoticed for most of its existence out there on the web. XDD Which is fine, there is a lot of good content out there for this fandom, and I’m not used to drawing these characters, so it felt awkward anyway. Let’s return to writing for a moment. Seeing as I have been obsessed with KnY but also generally not getting involved in fandoms, that leaves me to scream at people who know me irl (teeheehee, sorry) about how much I love it, and while telling a friend how much I suffered after reading Chapter 201, and a few ideas I had on how Shueisha might drag the series out or force a sequel, she gave me a tiiiiiiiiiiny bit of encouragement that she would be an audience if I wrote that AU, and 10 days later, I HAD THE WHOLE 60K+ FIC WRITTEN BECAUSE I AM A MONSTER. No, seriously, I didn’t even think for the first couple days that I would actually write it, and then I got a slew of more ideas, and then when I hit my stride, I HAD A DAY WHEN I AM PRETTY SURE I WROTE 20K WORDS WITHIN 20 HOURS AND I AM SO UPSET I DIDN’T PAY MORE ATTENTION TO MEASURE THAT BECAUSE I’M PRETTY SURE THAT WOULD BE A PERSONAL RECORD.
Phew, so anyway. I would like to say I was human again after finishing BUT NOPE, I WAS STILL IN THAT HEAD SPACE AND STARTING COMING UP WITH STUPID JOKES TO BREAK THE TENSION IN MY OWN FANFIC and then I started drawing dumb omake. And then as I kept drawing, I found it. I found my flow again. I actually put some effort into some of those omake. I really liked how they came out. I mean, no one cares about silly omake doodles for an AU fanfic, but I HAD SO MUCH FUN, and that is what McFreakin’ counts.
And that is what brings me back here.
If you are a Kimetsu no Yaiba fan and have read the whole manga, here is my canon divergent AU fic, and there are links to my other Tumblr in each chapter. I’m a liiiittle eager for comments because I am a monster and this is part of what social media does to monsters, but the whole dang thing is already written and I love it anyway even without an audience. But for those of you who would just like to see AkaYona art, or more general Buri-art, that is why I will probably occasionally pop back in here. Like I said, the Ask Box is open, but I won’t check it regularly and will only draw things if I feel inclined. I am also playing with the idea of doing Inktober again this year, and since I have zero interest in Twitter or Instagram, the art would get posted here.
┐(︶▽︶)┌ That is all. Thank you for reading my rambles! See you around a little more at random?
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makeste · 2 years ago
BnHA Chapter 246: Plot Whiplash
Previously on BnHA: Hawks handed Endeavor a copy of Re-Destro’s NYT bestseller and was all “ಠ_ಠ READ THIS!!” He then flew off back to the PLF and was all “hey guys just got back from handing out free copies of Destro’s book to everyone in a 1000-mile radius, which absolutely nobody asked me to do, well anyways you can thank me later” and they were all “SWEET.” Back at the Endeavor HQ, Bakugou got all fired up to BUST SOME HEADS but Endeavor’s sidekicks were all “WAIT FOR THE PLOT YOUNG MAN.” Meanwhile in his office, Endeavor discovered a secret code in the book Hawks gave him, which basically read “HEY WHAT’S UP THE LEAGUE HAS TAKEN OVER THE MLA AND HAS AN ARMY OF 100,000 PEOPLE” and Endeavor was like “!!!!” And then we cut to the League and Toga was all “IN FOUR MONTHS TOMURA IS BLOWING THIS SHIT TO KINGDOM COME” and then the chapter just ended. Sometimes it be like that.
Today on BnHA: Tomura sits down with Ujiko who monologues a bit about Quirk Singularity and then starts some sort of quirk-upgrading process which will apparently take four months to fully set in. And also he’s like “oh btw let me tell you about One for All” so THAT’S A THING NOW, GREAT. We then cut back and forth between Endeavor and Hawks, who both somehow come to the weird conclusion that THE INTERNS ARE OUR ONLY HOPE NOW using logic that is hard to explain on account of THERE ACTUALLY ISN’T ANY LOGIC BEHIND IT, SHHH. But anyway, so Endeavor figures out the rest of Hawks’s message and he knows that Hawks is trying to figure out what the League is up to, and something something that’s why the internships are so important. Like, I get that the Terrible Trio are future legends in the making, but these guys are seriously like “well okay let’s just go ahead and rest all our hopes on them” out of the blue, and Hawks has this big monologue about how “THINGS WON’T GO ACCORDING TO YOUR PLAN, VILLAINS” and okay then!! And then the last two pages are basically just DID SOMEBODY ORDER SOME HYPE with more shit going on than I can possibly sum up so I won’t even try lol. But damn.
(All comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.) 
okay guys, I’m feeling kinda under the weather today, but I know this chapter’s gonna be good so lesssssss gooooooo. bring me back to life Horikoshi
(ETA: lol well there sure was a lot happening in this chapter, that’s for sure. my head hurts.)
oooooh it’s a sexy Jump cover celebrating season 4!
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I really need the anime team to step up and give Ochako and Tsuyu some more screentime in the Basement Arc since the manga did not do them justice. there’s only like a 20% chance of that happening, which is depressing, but it’s 2019 and the winds are slowly changing, albeit at a geriatric pace. so I’ll allow myself to have some hope. you never know
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hello I love everything about this. the colors, the focus on our best girls, Deku’s bizarre-yet-awesome assorted sci-fi accessories (Deku do those headphones let you communicate with space or what), and of course, the five million TVs in the background which for some reason all appear to be from the 70s. all of this to remind us to TUNE IN TOMORROW FOR THE LONG-AWAITED SEASON 4 DEBUT. I will definitely tune in! the first episode is just gonna be the usual half filler/half clip show, but honestly season 3 was so good that I could sit through a whole hour of nothing but highlights and still be thoroughly entertained
anyway let’s move on because there are GAMES AFOOT, and we’re hopefully about to learn which direction this arc will be headed in!
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yep, that’s him. Shigaraki “destruction incarnate” Tomura. I see we’re getting our weekly dose of “just a reminder that WE ARE SCREWED” even earlier than usual this chapter, huh
so does anyone else get a chill up their spine every time Ujiko makes an appearance, or is that just me? like, god. he may honestly be even creepier than AFO. he’s just completely soulless, this guy. he’s got like this Mengele vibe to him (though that may be kinda dicey to compare horrific real-life atrocities to fictional ones in a shounen manga, but I’m just trying to explain why I find him so disturbing) and it really freaks me the hell out, ngl. anyways so him wearing a surgical mask and standing in front of this weird examination chair is pretty much the last thing I need right now. go away Ujiko
so Tomura is all “I want it cuz you promised, so pay up jackass”, and like. fair, though
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I really like this new art style Horikoshi’s been using for him since his Awakening. kinda curious how it’s going to translate to the anime, or even to a color spread. but at the very least in black and white it looks siiiiick
smh look at this little punk trying to downplay how insanely freaking overpowered his quirk currently is
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okay first of all, “President Baldy” is only alive because you left him alive. and he also had to chop off his own legs to stay that way. like, what kind of argument is this, Tomura? “this power is far from invincible, all my enemies have to do is amputate their own limbs and then they’ll have me right where they want me.” you know what, just go on and destroy the world right now kid. you’re getting greedy now and it could be your undoing
that is a nice parallel between him and Deku there, though. now I’m craving some Symbolic Artwork of them standing back to back each holding out their scarred right arms. maybe with their respective mentors in the background. here at BnHA we prefer our parallels nice and dramatic
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son of a bitch. I really wish he wouldn’t say that with such utter certainty. “the next conflict will be our last.” cue me flipping through the BnHA table of contents and trying to determine just how far along we actually are here, because this is veering dangerously close to Final Battle signaling, and like, ALREADY?? TOMURA ARE YOU JUST BEING THEATRICAL OR ARE YOU FOR REAL OMG. motherfucking DARK LORD’S LIPS curling into the WICKEDEST FUCKING CRESCENT I’VE EVER SEEN, fuck me
(ETA: it occurs to me on readthrough #2 that “the next conflict will be our last” could be interpreted to mean him and All Might specifically. like, the last conflict between the two of them. and that might very well be true, and would not surprise me at all. shit.)
fjsgk now Ujiko’s talking about research. and quirks!! glkjlkl
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fully expecting the camera to cut to some NOUMUS any second now oh my god. also trying not to think about how crazy ominous that fucking chair looks. and how many people this maniac has probably strapped down to it and done god knows what to them. hey Horikoshi you know what, I’ve had just about enough of this dark shit, can we please cut back to my kids now I’m feeling too unsettled. goddammit
anyhow of course we are NOT cutting away, and Ujiko is continuing to talk about quirk evolution, and now segueing into a speech about that quirk singularity thing. -- which he apparently named?? wow
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is he actually going to do something to Tomura? holy shit?? this whole time that they’ve been talking about this “power” I’ve just been assuming it was something external, like some other handy dandy villain resource that AFO’s just been sitting on or something. this is not where I expected things to go. didn’t he just get an upgrade??
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anyway so here’s a brief summary I just wrote up of The Past Six Months of BnHA:
Deku: [gets a new quirk]
everyone: bruh. Horikoshi really out here giving Deku AFO Powers while Tomura just sits around starving to death on a couch. what the heck
Horikoshi: [powers up Tomura to the point where he can destroy anything just by it being in contact with something that Tomura happens to be touching] [has Tomura use this power to level an entire city]
everyone: -- oh. okay, you know what, never mind --
Horikoshi: [gives Tomura an army of 100,000 people] [also gives him command of 11 extremely lethal and nigh-unstoppable killing machines, just one of which was almost enough to take out the number one hero, LITERALLY THE STRONGEST GUY THE GOOD GUYS CURRENTLY HAVE IN RESERVE]
everyone: okay we’re sorry we get it you can sto --
everyone: [curled up in fetal position sobbing]
starting to think the mangaka might be the actual final villain here. hmm
anyway. so I guess we have four months until Tomura ascends to Actual Godhood and proceeds to rain hellfire down upon the world. what are you all gonna do with your four months. I personally have a lot of stuff to binge, but knowing me I’ll probably just waste all my time reading fanfic while youtube videos play in the background which I’m not paying any attention to. what am I doing with my life
oh were we not done hyping him up? there’s more??
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(ETA: I got so caught up in the OFA comment I didn’t pay attention to Tomura becoming a beautiful decayed butterfly in this exquisitely creepy panel here. but damn.)
-- HOLD THE FUCK UP. does Tomura know about One for All??? because I was under the impression that AFO hadn’t told him? this would change a lot if he knew this entire time, holy shit?!
aaaaaaaaand exactly one panel later Horikoshi is all “no he didn’t know calm the fuck down” lol
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okay then. so he didn’t know, and he’s only just finding out now. well tbh that’s still worthy of a smiling crying emoji face though :’) this is fineeee
shit here we go oh shit
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just. come on dude. AFOFA 2019! let’s make it happen! dammit
sigh, so looks like it’s back to the admittedly-still-epic “Hawks passes down secret information about the villains to Endeavor” plot. I guess we’re not exactly hurting for good plots all around. I may complain but honestly we are spoiled
so Hawks is saying that he actually doesn’t know the specifics of the villains’ plans yet. well shit
apparently his feathers can only pick up sounds from short range, and the villains keep escorting him away whenever they get to talking about the good stuff. well at least that explains that potential plot hole from last week. Hawks’s feathers may have a short range, but Horikoshi’s plot hole caulking gun can fill in leaky plot holes from fucking miles away. amazing
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don’t mind me I’m just sitting here fretting about Hawks continuing to be in mortal danger and risking his life to gather information in a race against time against the end of the world. Horikoshi out here piling up stakes like a freaking vampire hunter
but in the meantime, everyone please stop what you’re doing for a moment to look at this absolute unit of a bellhop slash security guard
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apologies Lord Vader he was just trying to get to the dining hall. my bad. as you were
and holy shit I hope you enjoyed that light comedic break because two seconds later Re-Destro has dropped in to fixate Hawks with one of those Lightly Menacing Smiles he’s so infamous for. so that’s just fucking great!
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omg. imagine, a showdown between the two stealth murder MVPs of the series, Yotsubashi “Sleeper Hold” Rikiya (yes I did have to look up his real name just now) and Takami “Tag Em And Bag Em” Keigo. true, RD may no longer have legs, but he didn’t need them to choke out our little mouse buddy now did he? anyways speaking of which I just remembered that I fucking hate Re-Destro and I honestly hope Hawks does kill him. it’d be pretty easy to fit him into a bag too. he’s basically just a torso and arms now
oh sure Horikoshi go ahead and spring this on me after all of that ranting why don’t you
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by the way does Re-Destro have Robot Legs now, or
looool he does
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I will say this for Horikoshi, he knows my weaknesses. more robot limbs please. either badass or memeable ones, either is fine
meanwhile I skipped over this panel of Hawks and Twice being buddies in order to get to the legs, and shame on me for that. let’s go back
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Twice is a genuinely good guy and I hope Hawks can tell. I wonder how fake this smile is. I feel like it’d be easy to relax around Twice regardless of how tense you are about your secret spy mission which could go south at any time. anyways this is wholesome
and now we’re cutting back to Endeavor who is taking his sweet time reacting to this whole thing. Endeavor can you fucking chill with the poker face already geez
okay wait, what
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are you serious?! I fucking can’t with this lady. “now make sure to throw these children directly into the line of fire! it’s good for them and builds character!” I’m sorry, I thought this was the Hero Public Safety Commission, not the Putting Juveniles Directly Into Harm’s Way Commission?? at least change the acronym to something more appropriate then. Heinous Pathetic Soulless Cowards. just a suggestion. jesus
anyway so for a moment I got confused as to whether this was implying that she’d told Endeavor about Hawks’s undercover mission. but it seems like he’s still unaware. shouldn’t be too long before he puts the pieces together though at this rate
lol in the very next panel, even
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meanwhile you’re just sitting on your ass reading a book! FUCKING DO SOMETHING ALREADY, ENDEAVOR
so he’s thinking that the “preparation” part of Hawks’s message is referring to the interns. let me back up a sec and write down the entire message as he’s read it thus far
“four months from now / rising to action / until then / will send / signals / in case / of failure / preparation / numbers”
...read like that, it really does sound like Hawks is advocating to get as many soldiers ready as possible. even if that includes actual children. including Endeavor’s own son. shit. I mean, I get that they don’t have much of a choice, but that’s still so fucked up. sure, we as omniscient readers know that Deku is their one and only hope, but they don’t know that. as far as they know these are just a bunch of teenagers with less than a year’s worth of experience that they’re propping up on the front lines. and the plan is then... what? hope they don’t die too quickly?? fuck
Hawks is out here having an argument with me in his thoughts. you wanna play it like that, Hawks? fine
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I don’t know what kind of “but” you can tag on to the end of that paragraph that could possibly win me over, dude, but go for it I guess
and we’re finally cutting back to the kids in question now! with Burnin’ casually trying to crush Kacchan’s hopes and dreams
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okay but I love how both Deku and Shouto are like “easy there buddy, we got you” and trying to keep Kacchan from having a fucking aneurysm sob. JUST TRY AND HOIST HIM ONTO SOME DUMB SIDEKICKS, LADY. YOU’VE MADE A POWERFUL ENEMY HERE TODAY
oh shit
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oh my god. are we going to get our first actual interaction between the three of them that doesn’t consist of them grumbling annoyed introductions at each other and then running off to fight an old fortune teller omggggg
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I love how Deku and Bakugou look weirdly intimidated by him lol. Bakugou where did all that “YOU’RE KIND OF A JERK” confidence go all of a sudden
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so Ochako and Tsuyu did indeed go back to intern with Ryuukyuu again! makes sense, she is a top ten hero after all. who’s that with them, though? almost looks like Yanagi from the hair and the mask, but the costume looks different? hmm
whew! anyway. they’re all still screwed, but by golly that was nice to have that little invigorating breather of life and hope
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okay, SOMEONE TELL ME RIGHT THE FUCK NOW WHAT ALL MIGHT IS LOOKING AT OR I’M GONNA LOSE IT. holy shit. he was researching the past users of OFA, wasn’t he? WHAT DID YOU FIND OH GOD. he’s not just upset, he looks one step shy of fucking crying?? did he learn about what happened to Nana’s son and his family, maybe? shit shit shit
so Yanagi is interning with Kendou then? so who was that with Hadou and Ryuukyuu and the rest. one of Ryuukyuu’s sidekicks?
y’all. this chapter was like plot whiplash. this went in so many different directions and hinted at so many different things that I’m at a complete fucking loss as to what to process first. but I guess the interns are gonna save us all, somehow. lol okay then
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blooming5th · 2 years ago
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fill out & repost ♥ This meme definitely favors canons more, but I hope OC’s still can make it somehow work with their own lore, and lil’ fandom of friends & mutuals. Multi-Muses pick the muse you are the most invested in atm.
My muse is:   canon / oc / au / canon-divergent / fandomless /
Is your character popular in the fandom?  YES / NO.
Is your character considered hot™ in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.
Is your character considered strong in the fandom?  YES / NO / IDK.
Are they underrated?  YES / NO.
Were they relevant for the main story?  YES / NO.
Were they relevant for the main character?  YES / NO / THEY’RE THE PROTAG.
Are they widely known in their world?  YES / NO.
How’s their reputation?  GOOD / BAD / NEUTRAL.
How strictly do you follow canon?  — Pretty strictly, I think? I mean... I do always try my best to stick to canon events because although I am a big fan of AUs, I absolutely suck at writing canon-divergent characters. I also look out for possible dialectisms that come from Hinamori & put some work towards Hinamori’s personal development; all of this according to whatever has happened to her in canon / is shown by her in canon.
SELL YOUR MUSE! Aka try to list everything, which makes your muse interesting in your opinion to make them spicy for your mutuals.  —  There’s an entire world waiting beyond Hinamori’s pretty face? She’s still pretty much just a baby when in comparison to many other Lieutenants (being the second youngest, right after lil Yachiru), which makes her super innocent and funny. She’s also very upbeat, easy-going, and friendly! She’s such a devoted Lieutenant and honestly a great worker? Super strong with her kido spells, too! A great student?! A very, very good girl, honestly! She’s the greatest person you will ever meet, I swear to GOD !!
Now the OPPOSITE, list everything why your muse could not be so interesting (even if you may not agree, what does the fandom perhaps think?).  —  Most of the people, from what I can perceive from reading different opinions and have read through my years in Bleach forums and such, is that she’s pretty mentally weak. Hinamori seems to be extremely unbalanced and the previously mentioned devotion actually becomes... a weakness? Although I don’t agree with it ( mostly because I do believe her devotion towards Aizen was induced and not... something natural ), I can understand what people mean by this. Also, she mostly uses magic spells and keeps herself at a certain distance when in combat;; which people might easily perceive as her being weak when it’s just... her fighting style and body stature.
What inspired you to rp your muse?  —  I have roleplayed Hinamori for over 6 years now? almost 7, actually. I made this blog in 2014, however, I was supposed to be writing Hitsugaya. I ended up changing my entire blog’s aesthetics, not even a week later, to match Hinamori and decided to try her out. Why? Well... long story short... the fandom was full of Hitsugaya blogs. asjhdfasjdhfg I didn’t want simply be just one more in the ocean of amazing Hitsugaya writers;; so I decided to write someone who gave me access to heavy development ( because there was so little content back then ) and fun times ! lil peach was the obvious answer!
What keeps your inspiration going?  —  Most of the time its music? Whenever I decide to focus on an rp blog, I create a go-to playlist that helps me channel the muse’s traits and helps me write with more ease! That... and re-reading manga pages that might make me come up with headcanons, which I, later, always tend to apply to threads. Oh yeah, uh... LMAO! How could I forget? Talking to friends and discussing things with them, also often lets my creativity soar and helps me channel my muse’s persona. uwu
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Some more personal questions for the mun.
Give your mutuals some insight about the way you are in some matters, which could lead them to get more comfortable with you or perhaps not.
Do you think you give your character justice?  YES / NO.
Do you frequently write headcanons?  YES / NO. 
Do you sometimes write drabbles?  YES / NO. 
Do you think a lot about your Muse during the day?  YES / NO.
Are you confident in your portrayal?   YES / NO.
Are you confident in your writing?  YES / NO.
Are you a sensitive person?  YES / NO.
Do you accept criticism well about your portrayal?  —  Honestly, yes? I am a person that needs to receive constant criticism & is very open about it, too. I often find myself asking for criticism & find myself craving for bigger improvement.
Do you like questions, which help you explore your character?  —  HELLS TO THE YES !! But then again... who doesn’t? It makes me so so happy whenever I receive a question or a simple message that might help me develop Hinamori’s character traits or behaviours? I love my girl so much;; knowing that others want me to gush about her amazingness & make her grow even more is nothing but an honour to me, tbh.
If someone disagrees to a headcanon of yours, do you want to know why?  —  Well... yeah? But not in a bad way, of course! I absolutely love discussing headcanons and getting different points of view from things ( such as headcanons, in this specific topic ) so I can center myself and find a clearer way to analyze things! Discussing headcanons is dope, man!
If someone disagrees with your portrayal, how would you take it?  —  This is going to be a pretty short response cause ;; I don’t care? I’m not here to really... please others. I’m here to have fun for my own self and to enjoy writing with other amazing fellas. Ain’t nobody gonna rain on my parade with unnecessary negativity;;
If someone really hates your character, how do you take it?  —  I haven’t ever seen many people hate Hinamori’s character? However, I do have seen quite the few people disregard her as the important character she is, or reduce her to a level that doesn’t... entirely fit the reason why she was created. Still, it’s none of my business. I don’t let it get to me or feel... the need to do anything about it? Or even talk about it? I can’t really change people’s views, so I often would just rather love my baby peach and let others do as they please.
Are you okay with people pointing out your grammatical errors?  —  ABSOLUTELY? It’s even part of my rules like ;; please tell me if you ever find a grammatical error ANYWHERE in my blog. English isn’t my mother tongue and thus it can be very difficult for me to keep up with fancy writing while also sticking to correct grammar? idk if this makes sense but... yknow.
Do you think you are easy going as a mun?   —  I do think I am very easy going kind of fella? Sometimes it takes me forever go get to messages ( both through discord & IMS ), but I think that’s because lately I’ve been feeling super emotionally drained ;; I haven’t been out of my goddamn house for three months and I sincerely miss seeing faces that aren’t my parents. I did take a drive the other day but... sobs... it left such a bittersweet taste. ANYWAY !! Yes. I’m very easy going and talkative. Also a big, big enthusiastic? And positivist! I am someone who always prefers to stick to the bright side of life and ignore anything that might be the least problematic so yeah ~ I am uwu. Come meet me. I’m cool. I swear.
That’s about it, congrats for filling out!
Tagged by: @hirako5hinji​   ( aka the greatest taichō ever. uwu go to bed harder next time, Anna. ♡ ) Tagging: ANYONE WHO WANTS TO DO IT !! just steal it from me. be gay. do crimes.
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misstinfoilhat · 2 years ago
Whumptober 2019 #19: Muffled Scream- Bungou Stray Dogs
I was finally able to tear away from the in-laws! This is the first holiday I've ever had a serious boyfriend and coming from a really small family myself, it's super strange to suddenly be a part of his enormous one. I went to him on the 25th, thinking I would stay over the night. Now, four days (and three family-gatherings later, with another two or three to go) … (and that's only his family)... I'm still here.
But, I was able to sneak off into the guest room where I have my computer and a bottle of wine, and now I'm itching to write!  So, this chapter is dark; consider yourself warned. Also, there’s a lot of character study (I guess?). Especially concerning Kenji, who is usually very under-represented in the fics I’ve read. That made me curious since after watching the anime and reading (most of) the manga, I still haven’t created a clear image of him. Read the first part of this story here ---
“These are all just spanning missions,” Tanizaki complained, sighing as he rested his chin in the palm of his hand, putting away yet another mission file from a suspicious spouse or a businessman, paranoid about his associate's intentions. “They always take up so much time and involves traveling and every time they are grossly underpaid!” He tiredly stretched out onto the hardwood table and buried his face in the fine-grained timber, groaning as his joints creaked with fatigue.
“None of these cases seems urgent enough to spend time on right now,” Kenji agreed solemnly, picking a random manila folder from the pile, opening it up in his lap.
“Maybe we can make something up. Like a missing person's case somewhere in the Caribbean,” Naomi suggested dreamingly, turning the page in her own file absentmindedly.
“Talk about wasting time,” Tanizaki responded a bit agitated and shot a glare towards his sister. “Besides, we wouldn't get paid to do that.”
“I just want a vacation,” she smirked, hand reaching out and making its way underneath the redhead's shirt. Tanizaki blushed violently and immediately tried to fight her off.
“That's so disrespectful to Dazai-san! This is a matter of-”
Ignoring the Tanizaki-sibling's bickering, Kenji's eyes trailed intensely over the new binder at hand, reading it quickly with great vigor, before he tried to break into the slightly disturbing fight going on at the other side of the counter from him.
“-life and death and we don't have time for a freaking vacat-”
“Relax brother, I'm just messing around. What's with you-”
“Hey, guys?”
“...you're never any fun anymore.”
“I'm trying to focus!”
“Guys!” Kenji finally raised his voice. Not loudly; he wouldn't do that. His mother had raised him right, and shouting the loudest was not part of his gentle demeanor. But, the good thing about always being the jovial one, was that once he did speak up, everybody would hold up and listen. This time was no exception. The Tanizaki siblings turned, Naomi having nearly crawled under her brother's shirt and Junichirou trying desperately to keep her out.
Kenji paused for a moment to take in whatever was going on in front of him, eventually shrugging it off as being some big-city thing that he didn't quite understand yet. He hadn't seen anyone else try to crawl up someone else's shirt in the middle of a heated argument before, but he also didn't have any sisters... Maybe he could ask them about it later.
Satisfied with that, he slid the piece of paper over the table towards them.
Tanizaki picked it up and read silently before handing it over to Naomi, who had finally taken a seat at the chair her brother had initially set out for her.
“Niko Saito,” Junichirou mused while Naomi finished skimming through the papers. “Why does that sound so familiar?”
“It's the kid that we were looking for when Dazai went missing,” Naomi reminded him. Kenji nodded affirmatively.
“Six months ago, it was their mother who requested our help to find her missing daughter. But this time, it's her older sister. Look at the date,” Kenji instructed, pointing a chubby finger, nail coated with dirt from his small vegetable garden, towards the top of the page.
“That's only two weeks after Dazai went missing,” Tanizaki noted.
Kenji nodded again with a slight furrow between downy eyebrows, wrinkling his freckled forehead.
“Yeah... and two weeks after they recovered Niko Saito's body.” -------
The tray stood in the corner of the room, mocking him. Dazai hadn’t known that he was able to feel hunger anymore. He could go for days on end forgetting to eat, and only remembering when close to passing out. He didn't know how long he had gone this time, but apparently, longer than he used to in his life before. Maybe he had passed out already, but he couldn't be sure. Sleep and unconsciousness had always been two completely different things to him, but at this point, he took what he could get. Anything to get away, if only for a couple of minutes.
He wasn't even actually hungry anymore. It had gone far, far beyond the craving for food. If he closed his eyes, he could imagine that he felt his body eating away through the thin layer of fat he had, devouring away at his muscles instead.
It wasn't going to break him though. They would not make him get down on all four and eat from that tray like a dog. Not again.
The first time he had gotten to a point of hunger where pure animalistic appetite made him desperate enough to degrade himself to that extent; ignoring how they had literally glued the bowl to the floor and only tossed a scoop of an unidentifiable paste onto it- that’s when he had found out that whatever that pulp of brown puree was- it could not have been considered food for several weeks.
Anyone who truly knew Dazai could testify to that he had always been hyper-sensitive about what he ate and that he had a very weak stomach. For a moment, all he could do was to gorge into it in blind mania; desperately filling his gut with long sought-after nourishment. Then, after a short while, as the first bite where he could feel the maggots squirming between his teeth finally registered, he had instantly hurled out all of his meager stomach’s contents back into the bowl.
They left it there, deciding that he was ungrateful and needed to finish his meal before he could get a new one, and he had sworn that he would never eat anything ever again.
He hadn't been able to hold that promise to himself. He had failed, several times, and it had made him horribly sick. But after a while, they had started to replace his “food” more frequently. Dazai figured that they had noticed how sick he was, and figured that they would have to make some changes to keep him alive.
This had only fueled his determination to not eat. It was a small victory, but he took what he could get.
The sound of heavy boots echoed outside his isolation, and he felt his body tense up instinctively. He held his breath, praying they would pass him by. As they stopped only a small distance away from him, he started wracking his brain about when he had showered or been to the toilet the last time. Maybe it was time for that? Usually, nothing too bad would happen then. Only a couple of half-hearted kicks or whacks over the head if he was unable to pay attention.
...but he could remember the last time they had taken him out for that. He had no idea when it was, but the fact that he remembered at all was a bad sign for what was to come.
It creaked in a high pitched noise as the lock on the other side of the door he was shackled to slid open, and Dazai held his breath in anticipation for the pain to come. He wasn't actually afraid of the pain- it was simply something to be endured. Sometimes it would be gone in an instance and sometimes it would start small and gradually increase to a climax where it would absolutely suck- but it was still nothing to be afraid of. Other times, it would only be a dull, slightly irritating ache, and sometimes it would never truly go away. In the end, even if he hated it, it was the promise of it that was worst.
Suddenly, finally, he was yanked backward by his neck. The wounds on his knees were once again reopened as his scattered knees raked across the floor while a dizzying, immeasurable pain wracked through his body from his dislocated hip. His air supply was cut off right as the door was wrenched open and it felt as if his windpipe was being crushed by the force of it.
A strangled gasp swirled around in the cold hallway for a moment as he tried to catch his breath. He was getting lightheaded; he wasn't getting enough oxygen and he felt his whole body shudder with the effort it took just to draw a breath.
Half-aware, he could hear someone talking to him. Dark pants and combat boots were crowding around him, their prods lingering threateningly and close to him as they kept throwing commands at him, waiting for him to react.
Even if he couldn't make out what they were saying, he knew what they wanted and it made him want to chuckle. Because he couldn't get up on his feet even if he had been trying, and he wouldn't be trying even if he had thought he would be able to. Giving him a shock in the state he was in, would only make him less coherent, and make their job that much harder and make it absolutely hopeless to try and make him talk- yet again because he wouldn't be trying even he thought he would be able to.
A faint memory of an old folk tale about a snake eating its own tale came to mind. The ouroboros, he remembered. It was supposedly meant to symbolize life, death, and rebirth, but to Dazai, it had always seemed like it was a tale of a double-edged sword. People doing stupid shit and continuing doing stupid shit without gaining anything. Because no matter what, the snake would end up cannibalizing itself.
He wasn't sure if the snake was him or them in this scenario, but it didn't matter. None of them were getting anywhere anyway.
The sharp pain of electric shock pulled him out of his musings, aimed at his bare ribcage. Dazai was hardly able to react before his head was forced up by a death grip on his hair.
The man that spoke faded in and out of focus and his voice was nothing but a muffled sound that told Dazai absolutley nothing about what was going to happen next. Two strong hands were grabbing onto his skeletal arms and hoisted him up between them and started carrying him through the hallway, towards his inevitable doom. ----------
“Kunikida-san, we found something interesting,” Kenji announced as the three teenagers came rushing back into the office. A single casefile was fluttering in the blonde's hand and quickly, it was resting on his idealistic elder's arms that were still lingering at the keyboard connected to his computer.
Kunikida's hazel eyes slowly trailed down from his screen and onto the file, a small irritated nerve twitching at the edge of his eye.
“Yes?” he answered darkly before he shifted his attention to the eager fourteen-year-old. He was clearly trying to suppress his anger at being interrupted in the middle of work by yet another impatient teenager. But looking into those hopefull emerald eyes, his fury quickly diminished, albeit reluctantly.
Being mad at Kenji was much like holding a grudge to a puppy. In the end, it would only make him feel like a heartless monster.
He took a deep, steadying breath, mentally sifting through different voices and reactions, once again realizing how big of a void the loss of Dazai had left. 
With him, it was so easy. No matter how Kunikida reacted, how much abuse and rage he subjected the glorified toilet-roll to, it would just roll off his back as if the reaction to his antics hadn’t been (slightly) unreasonable.
It was just so liberating. Kunikida always had to censor himself around other people, in fear of hurting them. In the end, that had been his downfall as a teacher. But that was mainly because kids were just so damn stupid. There were so many feelings all the time; so many feelings that always seemed to get hurt by him. In the end, that hurt him as well, but that didn't matter much when he was called into the principle's office for a tongue-lashing or a peace offering to the student he had offended's parents.
Admittedly, he respected all the brats he worked with at the agency, and things had been going well while he had his verbal punching-bag there, with him. Now, however, he found himself stepping over the line more often than not.
He needed to do better, if not for himself, then for the kids and Dazai. Because Dazai cared for those brats. Often, it seemed like Dazai even cared about him, which... felt strangely nice. Because people didn't usually like him at all. They thought he was too stubborn and rule-abiding and mean.
But not Dazai. If Kunikida hadn’t known any better (which he absolutely did) he would have thought that Dazai was slightly stupid, accepting a bitter and angry man like himself for who he was just like that. There was simply no logical reason for it if he couldn’t think of one.
“A-are you okay Kunikida-san?” Kenji suddenly asked, bringing Kunikida out of his toxic train of thoughts. Moss-rimmed eyes stared at him with a concerned squint to them, and the frost that had crept up on him seemed to melt away in a moment.
“Yes, Kenji-kun. I got lost in thought for a moment, that's all. Don't worry about it,” Kunikida answered, slightly surprised by the softness of his own voice. As the worry slowly vanished from the boy's face, Kunikida continued just as calmly, “what is it that you've found?”
The teen's face lit up in an instant and opened the file for him, pointing towards the page where the applier had to register their personal information.
“This case came in just two weeks after Dazai-san went missing,” he explained eagerly.
“It's about the same girl he was looking for, except this time, it's from the girl's sister,” Tanizaki shot in.
“But they found her, didn't they?” Kunikida asked as he read through the first page, scratching the small stubbles on his chin.
“Yeah, unfortunately, they found her washed up along the Yokohama river, but that's not actually the point. Dazai-san went missing just a few days after she was found dead-”
“It looked like a drowning, but the girl was an excellent swimmer,” Ranpo interrupted Kenji, stepping forward between the three teens and gaining their attention.
“Her sister, Hinata, said that Niko was captain of the swimming team when she and her mother came by when the girl initially went missing. She held a record for holding her breath the longest on her swimming team,” he reminisced.
“I remember that,” Kunikida murmured thoughtfully.
“So, when she was found, the police decided it was an accidental drowning and closed the case. Apparently, the sister must think otherwise,” Ranpo deducted.
“Do you know what she was wearing when they found her?” Kunikida asked.
“She had stripped to her u-undergarments,” Ranpo said shyly, blushing as he remembered the crime-scene photos he had gotten a small glimpse of while helping the police with a different case.
“It was in the middle of summer. She might have felt like a spontaneous swim,” Naomi pointed out.
“But she had swim practice every day. It seems unlikely that she wouldn't have her bathing suit with her,” Kenji retorted.
Silence fell upon the room for a while as the five of them thought. Eventually, it was Kenji who broke the silence.
“So, what do you think Kunikida-san? Is this a lead we should be looking into?”
This time Kunikida didn't miss a beat. If anything, he was kicking himself for not having doubted the outcome of the case that Dazai had gone missing after sooner. When did he start trusting that the police knew what they were doing if not Ranpo had aided the investigation anyway? Those lazy bastards were getting way too comfortable these days.
This was new, and new was never good. Not in this place, anyway.
Dazai was strapped to a table he recognized from his days in the Port Mafia. It was a surgical table, there was no doubt about that. But not the soft leathery ones, covered in blue or green rolls of paper. This was made of steel and felt unyielding and chilled down his bare back and every part of his body that could possibly move was strapped down by belts with big buckles that buried painfully into his skin as he tried to move.
His eyes darted from one side to the other- trying to get just the slightest of hints about what was about to happen to him. Slight recognition of the room dawned upon him, but he would only wake up there when he was at his weakest; at the absolute brink of death. That gave him a faint hope of not getting out of there alive.
That made him calm down a little, with the hope that this could possibly be the last stop; the stop he was getting off on after an endless train ride with a long-expired ticket.
An apparition appeared at the edge of his vision. He expected that it would be Dr.You-shall-no-pass, as he had nicknamed him, inspired by a long-ago memory he had after being forced to watch a strange movie at the cinema as an important client's date in his Port Mafia-days.
Dr.You-shall-not-pass would make sure that he got the life-saving treatment each time they had pushed him too far (or as of late; when he had pushed himself too far), but this time, that was not what met him.
It was Him. The middle-aged guy with the smoker's laugh. Icy blue eyes stared down at him with a satisfied grin, uncovering his yellowing teeth. Without meaning to, the small amount of air Dazai was able to inhale got caught in his throat and if he wasn't so dehydrated, he would spit into that smug face.
“Now, young man,” the man said with his graveled voice. The parting nicotine-stained teeth revealed a souring breath; not being able to breathe properly while having his nose stuffed with sickness after days, weeks or months of malnourishment was all that kept Dazai from vomiting. 
“I heard that you haven't been eating the food I've prepared- just for you. Now that just breaks my heart.”
'Food is a strong over-statement,' Dazai wanted to say, but as he opened his mouth to speak, two calloused hands abruptly appeared, seemingly out of nowhere and hastily made their way between his teeth, forcing his jaw open.
He immediately started to struggle, but his limbs were held down tightly and he could hardly move millimeters from the table. Dazai arched his back and bit down as hard as he could, but the hands that held his mouth open hardly seemed to flinch by his futile efforts.
Amidst his desperate fight to gain some control back of his own self, he could hear the venomous voice of his captor.
“If you won't eat, I guess we'll just have to feed you, won't we?”
A pale yellow tube closed in on him and his jaw was forced even wider. A small click sounded from somewhere close to his temples, and he wondered if his jaw had been dislocated. The hands holding the tube didn't relent by this, and Dazai stuck his tongue out to make yet another hinder for the feeding tube to pass, but all that left him was blood coating his gap as the sharp edges of the tube cut into if before the device was forced down his throat.
Panic like Dazai had never felt panic before hit him; something feral; animalistic providing him with a strength he didn't know he had. The bands against his right wrist suddenly snapped and immediately, he went for the tube, trying to tear it out from his throat.
A guard was quickly grabbing onto it, forcing it back far enough that they could hear the bone snap. Dazai let out a choked cry of anguish before several crackling prods were pushed into his line of sight.
He was able to feel a nauseating sensation of something filling up his gut before the shock-sticks shot him from several different angles. His vision was tunneling, and hicks for air ravaged through his entire body from the offending article forced into his insides while a muffled scream tore its way through his broken form, and he finally lost consciousness.
Oh wow. That is becoming darker than I had anticipated. This story will be in several parts! So stay tuned!
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i7scenarios · 3 years ago
(1/?) Hello! Okay... whew. I’ll start by saying I had a really hard time typing this up and made an ordeal of it because I struggled to actually write anything positive about myself (which I think must be telling of my personality lol!). That being said, I’m really excited to see what you have to say. I apologise if it seems overly negative or if I didn’t give you much to work with despite how dang long this will be! ( I’m embarrassed about the length. I am SO sorry!) Okay here I go pfff 🙈
(2/?) I guess before I inevitably say anything heavy about my personality (pff) I will tell you about my hobbies. I don’t have many outside of playing i7 and watching anime to be honest (I’m probably super boring). I have a very obsessive personality and tend to spend long chunks of time with just a few hyperfixations and will be content with those same things occupying my time. (For example, I’ve been watching [Musical+Anime] Touken Ranbu for like... hours a day since June last year 🙈).
(3/?) I do love watching new anime as it airs though, especially because it’s something routine week to week and gives me something to look forward to or something I know will be there. Aside from that I do play a few video games (mainly animal crossing and harvest moon, but I also like persona 5, the BNHA game, and other rhythm games like hatsune miku). I love to sing very much, but I don’t think I’m good at all haha. I also love to create things when I have the energy or drive to do it.
(4/?) I’ve kinda lost motivation to do anything, but I used to loooove making AMVs and drawing and generally being artistic. At least now I still do artistic things like make funny/dramatic Instagram videos or occasional cosplay! I used to be an actress and dancer (though I was kicked out of hip hop because my movements were “too fluid” LOL so I stuck with ballet) and still enjoy dancing, but not... the professional way I used to lol.
(5/?) I had to quit because of compound injuries, and then I got real chubby haha. I think by now I must have lost all of my skill in both dance and theatre (I still very much have the theatrical and entertainment driven mindset, but I don’t think I could ever get on stage again.) I love to read as well... less books and more manga now though. I don’t often have energy to do it (I struggle really, really hard with executive dysfunction in both self care and hobbies ^^;)
(7/?) Tying in with that, I love to collect things! You know this probably because we’ve done box splits together before hehe, but I have a very treasured collection of goods that I recently got a glass case for. Decorating my home and displaying my figures (which I only this past year started collecting) or posters/straps/etc is something that really brings me joy, and I guess I do consider it a hobby. Does napping count because I’m also an expert napper! Hehe okay enough of hobbies I think.
(8/?) As for my personality.. I’m a very loyal person, although sometimes to a fault. I rely heavily on my intuition for everything, but mainly when it comes to people and determining the depth of relationships. I’m super contradictory to myself tho, so I will have no trouble cutting people from my life if I’ve decided I don’t need them anymore, but then I’ll have people that I allow to walk all over me or that I will allow to have a hold on me long after I’ve managed to get away from them.
(9/?) I know that I am a handful and people only have so much patience. I don’t want to force anyone to deal with me for very long. It really doesn’t matter how good someone is to me or how much they express unconditional love.. I can’t quite stop thinking that I’ll be abandoned sooner or later, and that affects every part of how I live. I struggle to allow myself to accept love and kindness because I don’t think I deserve it, and I don’t want to get used to it because it won’t last anyhow 😅
(10) All that being said, I guess I do crave affection and love... though I tend to be a bit of a tsundere about it. Okay I’m a massive tsundere unfortunately LOL I’ll just admit it. I’m afraid of it, but I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. I’m very soft and easily hurt even though I try to be tough... I’ve experienced a lot of various abuse at the hands of men and my mother throughout my entire life, and I try to say that I’m immune to things by now, but I’m not 🙈
(11) I’m very much a crybaby and I probably always will be. (No really. I cry at the drop of a hat!) But yeah.. because of all that stuff, I find it difficult to speak to men sometimes, and I have mild touch-aversion especially with men (this is probably why I find so much comfort in seiyuu and 2D boys, but this isn’t a therapy session lololol). I DO like physical affection like hugs, but I’m a little slow to get used to it I guess ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Ironically though, I do get lonely very easily.
(12) I like to be alone, but I also get incredibly sad quickly when I’m alone. I’m introverted and picky about who I can spend extended physical time with. My only close friends live rather far away from me, but as long as I can text or be on the phone with them I’m okay! So...I CAN enjoy physical alone time as long as I can still be in contact with loved ones even when we can’t be in the same room (if all that makes sense. I’m rambling).
(13) I’ll try to get my bad traits out of the way quickly and end with a couple positive things about myself.. ah I’m sorry. Let’s see.. I’m very easily annoyed. I don’t know if it’s a side effect of my mental illness or if it’s just a negative trait I have, but I’ve been like that as long as I can remember. I’m very picky and particular about most things, and if I feel out of control in a situation I WANT to control, I tend to snap and lash out.
I pair you with .....
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Momo is very sensitive to your past trauma, even if you have a hard time being physical with someone, Momo’s upbeat personality and nature are like a warm hug itself. The fact you were injured and had to stop dancing is something Momo can relate to. He struggled really hard when he got injured and his career in soccer was over. You understanding that pain means a lot to him. He is totally cool with you being an anime/game fangirl. After all, after his loss with soccer, he found Re:vale to fill that void and became a massive fanboy himself ^^. He loves to sing with you, helping you with lessons like how Yuki helped him. After all he struggled a lot when he started as well ^^ Momo is extremely loyal and is always thinking about others over himself. You can trust him fully, and know that he isn't going to go anywhere. He will always show you the brightest smile when he sees your face
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kwamiwayzz · 3 years ago
Citrus Fanfic (Rec-ish) Masterpost
Hello Hello! It’s been about two weeks since the Citrus manga ended and while it leaves some of us fans thirsty for more content, Saburouta did say she’s planning for a spin-off that’s coming up in Winter 2019 :D 
But since that’s 4 months away, I figured I could create this fanfic list that could keep y’all busy in the next few months ^^ 
Keep in mind, I actually haven’t read some of the fics on this list, but have added them here since I’ve heard good reviews from other people and thought why not add them on here too~ 
Also, if any of y’all are starting out reading Citrus fic you should definitely start here lol I actually have this a top rec on this list and have recommended it before but everything smx writes is absolutely amazing and in-character
Alright, I’ll possibly add some of my thoughts and opinions on some of the fics included in this list so...here we go~ 
Valentine’s Day by mikotyzini
Citrus: Fantasies by epitomeofdisaster
Milk and its Derivatives by Joebagadonut & WhyMeiTalksWithPigeons
Warmth by Ennju
Into the Gremlin’s Den by AlexIsOkay
A Fresh Coat by mizutanitony 
Citrus - A Compilation by mikotyzini 
My Papa by Shmehua1
Sweet and Sour by Cynical-Banshee
Tenderness by ArcanicSoul 
Market Fresh Citrics by MCMulch
Dates Like Detentions by AlexIsOkay
The Price of Pretending by AlexIsOkay
[More under the cut since I know it’ll get really long]
Citrus schtuffs by angel0wonder - Yeah, I know I’ve recommended this before countless times in the past, but honestly, I can’t help it. I love it too much and it was the Citrus fic collection that introduced me to Citrus fic and eventually inspired me to write my own. Every chapter has nice little moments of fluff and comedy that the manga is in dire need of and every character included is in character that I can almost imagine Saburouta writing this herself! There’s some angst in it too, like chapter 41, but even those ones are a great read! If you want to know my favorites to start with, I can suggest reading chapter 9, chapter 16, chapter 25, chapter 33, CHAPTER 39 (pls read this one), chapter 41, and chapter 43. There’s a lot more and I love this collection dearly, but those chapters are my absolute favorites ^^ 
Uncomfortable Truths by mizutanitony - Okay, so confession time. I was actually really, and I mean REALLY hesitant to read this fic at first because of the premise. It’s basically a sequel to a bad end if Mei chose to marry her fiance Udagawa, leaving her and Yuzu separated for almost 2 years. The fic itself actually takes place 5 years after those events transpire and Yuzu and Mei are engaged and taking care of their son who’s the biological son of Udagawa. One thing I can say to why I was hesitant in reading this at first is because I thought the drama would be way too drawn out and/or I thought the premise was mostly going to heavily focus on flashbacks that have Yuzu and Mei still be separared and Mei trying to deal with herself being married to Udagawa. But when I did give this fanfic a shot, I was surprised and honestly glad I read it. The characters are all in character, and while there’s heavy drama here and there I feel like with the situation presented, it’s necessary and justified without being too overblown. Much of the focus on this fic is Yuzu and Mei trying to manage their relationship as adults, their respective jobs, and how to take care of a child. I could actually see this be a potential route if Mei did end up marrying Udagawa at the end of the manga and did try to do everything she could to win Yuzu back. And honestly, the parts where Mei and Yuzu talk out their relationship, the parts where they’re struggling mentally (especially) in figuring out where to go from where they are, especially knowing how much their past still hurts them, is the best thing I love out of this fic. Also 12/10 the smut scenes are hot. The fic itself is almost over but the chapters themselves are really long and can give y’all something to keep yourselves busy! Give it a shot! 
Skipping a Beat by BluBerserker - I binged this fic during my stressful first week of school and I really like the direction the author is taking this story! I’m not really sure how it’s gonna pan out, but I was interested in the premise. Yuzu being sick and learning how to deal with living with a heart condition? Mmmmyes I can feel the angst. One thing I love about this fic is the chemistry established between Yuzu and Mei, especially after Mei finds out about Yuzu’s brugada syndrome and ends up feeling guilty for causing her more pain than necessary. She really starts to loosen up around Yuzu and comes to terms with her feelings a little faster and earlier than where the manga went ^^
Neapolitan Ice Cream & Secrets by DoorIsAjar - aAAAAAAAAAA, this one!! I love this one! This is the kind of fluff that I used to write during my earlier days getting used to writing Citrus fic for this fandom. It’s basically about Yuzu taking care of Mei after Mei gets her wisdom teeth pulled out and is loopy on nitrous-oxide. There’s just a charm and endearing appeal to this fic in particular, and while Mei has a more childlike demeanor because of how loopy she is, it’s actually very in character and just absolutely adorable. I’m just surprised Yuzu didn’t drop dead after the many times Mei has been too cute for her! >u<
Grandes Esperanzas by YuzuAihara1993 - I actually have not read this for the sole reason that...well, it’s in Spanish and I can’t read Spanish ^^; BUT don’t let that stop you! The reason I’m adding this on this list is because I’ve heard from different people, mainly smxmuffinpeddling, how amazing this fanfic is and how it made her cry. She actually translated a portion of this fic and even said she’s in the process of translating the fic itself! As for those who already can read Spanish, try this one out!
Studies With Wolves by punklobster - I just really like this one, okay? i wrote a gigantic ass review on AO3 detailing how much I loved it. It’s basically a Wolf Children-esque AU where Yuzu meets Mei in college but notices she’s not a student there. Just read it. Please, it’s amazing 12/10 in character and 20/10 would read again.
Dinner at Aihara’s by fishnspice - This was one of the very first Citrus fanfics I read on AO3 and it has this nice atmosphere established between Yuzu and Mei that I sometimes find myself reading over and over again. 
Daughters and Lovers by LittleElisa - Okay, I need to recommend this one. This one, while kind of intimidating to read at first because of the formatting, is actually really nice and really in-character. I found myself re-reading this fanfic about 4-5 times after the first time I gave it a chance. It takes place around Volume 3 (back before we knew what the heck would happen, so this fic is pretty old), and takes a route where Ume finds out about their relationship pretty early on and...does not take it well, leading her to separate Yuzu and Mei. She doesn’t play the “non-understanding” parent and does actually feel bad for separating her daughters like that, but realistically I felt like this is what she would do after dealing with the shock that...well, her two daughters are making out behind closed doors. Everything else about this fic is actually amazing. I think I even remembered smxmuffinpeddling beta-ing this fic at one point! Give this one a shot! Unfortunately, the fic is unfinished and hasn’t been updated in years so like...if you like cliffhangers, well...good luck ;u;
Love Like You’ll Never be Hurt by vyoria - This one takes a bit of a different route compared to most other Citrus fics I’ve read so far. It’s basically where Yuzu and Mei don’t meet until they’re much older, like possibly in their late 20s, early 30s, and Mei is married to Amamiya. Unfortunately, because of the author’s busy schedule, there’s only been 1 chapter out so far. But the premise is nice and even if it is just one chapter I suggest y’all check it out! 
i have died everyday (waiting for you) by forbiddenquill - This fic...boi, back when I read this fic I didn’t really know what to expect from it aside from it was named after a really cheesy and endearing love song from Twilight. I think the thing that gravitated me the most towards this fic was the atmosphere the author set up between Yuzu and Mei. It had been a couple months since they’d last seen each other, and you can really feel for that sense of longing they both crave while also understanding the tense atmosphere they feel around each other because of the awkwardness from being apart for so long. You know Mei wants to be with Yuzu but doesn’t know how and yet Yuzu still reaches out to her one more time just to talk. Honestly, I don’t know where this author has been but they pretty much predicted the last chapter through this fic (almost). Spoiler alert: you kinda have to read it through to know what I mean XD 
And that’s the most I could think of so far! ^^; If you guys have any other fics you feel should be on this list let me know! 
I’ve also written my own Citrus fics, but like...it feels weird self-promoting myself XD. I’ll just say that if you’re curious to read some of my stuff, I’m Zoop Top on fanfiction.net and Rolex on AO3 
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gintamajustaway · 4 years ago
What will do you if GinTsu is end game? I'm scared.
Okay, this is the last time I’m going to answer this question in detail. From now on, whenever I get an ask like this, I’m going to link it straight to this one.
What will I do? Absolutely nothing.
I don’t care enough to do anything, to be completely honest. If Sorachi wants to follow the typical trend of Shounen manga and hastily add a het pairing at the end of Gintama, that’s his choice! I may not agree with it, but eh, it’s Sorachi’s story and he can do whatever the hell he wants with it. 
Gintoki and Hijikata are my favorite pairing in Gintama, this is true. I love their relationship, I love their dynamic, I love the evolution of their friendship -- the two of them inspire me. I don’t read Gintama because I’m secretly hoping for the two of them to get together, especially when there’s no way that would ever happen in such a genre. I read it because I love the story and its characters. I’m also not straight and I’m desperate for quality representation, so I use Gintoki and Hijikata to create the content that I seek. I won’t give a shit if Gintoki ends up with Tsukuyo and okay, maybe 10 year old me would get upset over it, but I’m not 10 anymore and I see things differently now.
I think being a writer is what has changed my viewpoint on this. I create original characters and plots and on top of that, I give myself and others the representation I seek. It isn’t Sorachi’s job to give me what I want and when I say, “I’m exhausted and turned off by heteronormativity,” absolutely zero content creators have to take that to heart. My wants and needs do not have to be met by other people, but I sure as hell can create stories and write books about all the things I crave. Representation for myself, ace characters, bi characters, pan characters, nonbinary characters, characters with disabilities, etc etc -- I can take everything I want to see more of and use my work to normalize it. 
Sorachi can tell his story any way he wants and I’ll enjoy it because it’s his story and I love his work! I don’t personally feel like Gintama needs any pairings at the end ((I think Gintoki learning to love himself and being happy with his kids as the Yorozuya and having those he cares about most nearby -- the Shinsengumi, Otae, Otose, Tama -- would be a more suitable ending)), but it’s Sorachi’s choice! I feel like most people assume that because GinHiji / HijiGin is my preferred pairing, then I’m going to go ballistic and be all sad and hurt if the story ends with Gintoki and a female character. What people don’t seem to understand is that I prefer male/male and female/female pairings because I’m looking for representation and as someone that rarely, if ever, gets quality representation in anything, I fully expect heteronormativity to come bite me in the ass. But the end pairing, if there is one, won’t change how I feel about the story and everything it has done for me since I got into it. 
tl;dr: I don’t care if Gintoki gets paired with Prince Baka or a parfait in the end. All that matters is that the story ends the way Sorachi wants it to and I will always be grateful for the work he has done because he has inspired me and influenced me in so many incredible ways. 
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fyrapartnersearch · 2 years ago
An everlasting roundabout
Hello internet friends,
I extend to you my warmest regards. You may call me Gil. I am a 20+ year old writer by hobby, a full-time student at a university and soon to be management assistant in sports and fitness. One of my greatest hobbies are roleplaying and drawing, sometimes even doodling my own characters for my book or the roleplay itself. A few things about me:

I am a mature writer with no inhibition when it comes to adult themes, meaning that I will only accept partners at the age of 20+ and up. Though if convinced, I am also willing to take 18+ partners as well, depending on how compatible we are or not. I have been writing for ten years or so and made my fair share of experiences. My timezone is CET in case you are wondering, though I couldn’t care less which timezone my partner has. I am happy to accept anyone who is able to uphold a stable partnership with a steady replying rate, someone who puts in an equal amount of effort and dedication. My tastes vary, though what I find most fascinating are dark, supernatural, thriller and sci fi themed plots. 

What I’m looking for is someone who shares great passion and love for roleplaying and creative writing. This is very dear to me, so if you’re someone who’s in for a casual run, you might out of luck.

I have a strong penchant for original characters and ideas that could be added to a pre-existing canon plot. But I am also open to something original in case we aren’t able to find any suiting fandoms for both of us. 

Before I go and include the fandoms and topics down below, it would be greatly appreciated if you’d read through my set of rules, guidelines and limits. 
What it takes:
I write in third person perspective. Concerning length and frequency, my writing is wide-ranging and flexible, which means that frequently the word count can rise to 1000+ words per reply. But it is also very reliant on the given situation and my partner’s length. There should be a balanced outlook on quality vs quantity. I love both, so there’s no need in keeping things curt. Detail in description is a definite. If you are someone who rather glosses over things, you are talking to the wrong person here. I am actively seeking someone of the same infamy. You should have a basic grasp on grammar, punctuation and a bit of an interest in knowledgeable writing. With that being said I am by no means a cunning linguist, rather a simple mortal who enjoys venting in a creative way. I also prefer to double, so I hope this is something you are also okay with.
This entails a lot of mature and adult content. If you are rather squeamish or someone who is not comfortable with gore, violence, physical brutality, foul language, horror, monsters, sexual as well as erotic content, do not contact me. I respect my partner’s boundaries, however, I am not someone who is interested in fluff or slice of life stories, sorry. But what I do love is good dialogue, strong chemistry, drama and intrigue, sometimes even political intrigue. Usually I do not fade to black, unless it is a scene of little importance that we can skip to further the plot. My only limits are pedophilia, necrophilia, toilet play, the list goes on.
My line of interests are quite dynamic and colourful when it comes to genres. I love conceiving my own lore inside a story, be it an original or a canon universe. Gothic fantasy among others are one of my favourites. I am not opposed to tapping into some science fiction, action, romance, crime, action or thriller genres, in fact I encourage it. Sometimes I draw my inspiration from Lovecraft for the most part, but there many other authors I have grown to adore. Perhaps we could have a conversation about our favourite authors and share some inspirations.
It should be very character driven, that in itself is self-evident. However, this doesn’t mean the world around our characters should be neglected as a result. We should both take equal parts in shaping and building the world, making sure the environment they interact with feels lively and large. Discussing plots and such during and before the roleplay itself is always welcome! However I am also always happy to be surprised by my partner. There’s no need to lay out all the cards on the table… keep it a little mysterious and suspenseful. Just enough so we can work with the given ideas, but not completely kill off the suspense.
One thing that has come time attention quite frequently is the communication between partners and compatibility. I encourage chatting outside of the roleplay as I always love making new friends and getting to know the person I am sharing with. If there is something that does not fit with the roleplay setting, may it be an uncharacteristic behaviour, a senseless situation or over and all, some issues that need fixing, I happily like to discuss and give some constructive criticism. And I love to receive vice versa! If there is something that is bothering you, TELL ME. It won’t be taken personally, by all means, if there’s something on your mind, share it with me. We can discuss matters in a rational manner. Too many times I’ve had encountered the issue of someone taking it as a personal attack when it really wasn’t. When there are flaws inside of the RP’s logic, story or character, I would like to point that out or have it pointed out to me before it is too late. I am very chill about it.  Another thing which is pet peeve of mine, is when people ghost you without warning, may it be because of the previously mentioned point or other reasons outside of the roleplay. If you need the put the RP on hold, or if you are simply busy for a longer period of time, I fully understand. I myself have a life outside of the roleplay, so there’s no need to be shy about it.
Pairings and romance is an open book for me. I am fine with all sorts of pairings, be it purely male romance, female romance or the classic m x f relationship. Though I have more experience with m x f pairings, I am happy to take on any role, be it male or female. However it also highly depends on the chemistry between the characters, and if they compel me, I ship them as much as I can. Concerning sexual scenarios and intimacy, I’d like it to be tastefully written and not have it fall into the vulgar category.
So I hope you survived my tedious guideline paragraphs, lol.
As promised, the various cravings and fandoms I am aching to roleplay:
Jojo’s Bizzarre Adventure: This anime surely has made it’s impact on me. Especially the vast world and endless possibilities, it offers a great hotbed for original ideas as well as OC’s. I am willing to play every season up to part 5 which I haven’t watched yet, sadly.
Castlevania: I am open to either the Netflix version or the game series. Castlevania is so beautiful and intricate, yet so mysteriously dark and dripping with style.
Star Wars: Okay this one is bit of a tricky one. I am not interested in the latest SW films. I find the film / cinematic universe rather boring and have found more interest in the Clone Wars series, but even more the The Old Republic series. I am also very much craving something original! Somewhere set a thousand or a hundred years prior to the Skywalker saga with purely original characters. This could be a fresh new concept that we could mould and experiment with!
Devil May Cry: One of my favourite games of all time! Honestly, I would love you to death for this! I have played through every game instalment there is, and even read a few of the mangas. Yes, I am that kind of nerd. I don’t care which version rather suits your fancy, as I am eager to explore every version and willing to play any character.
Harry Potter: Perhaps a next gen? And no, I am not talking about the cursed child saga. I find it rather interesting to have the next generation of characters be our OC’s. For further discussion, let me know what your inspirations are.
Marvel / DC: Although I have pretty much distanced myself from the superhero genre after seeing Endgame, I am still open to accept some partners. (Although I am not as enthused about it as I used to be.)
Other mentions (my lesser cravings):
The Witcher
The Tudors
Game of Thrones
Dragon Age

As for roleplaying method, I mostly rely on Email or Googledocs. This is non-negotiable, sorry. Other platforms have proven to me to be a bit of a hassle. 

We can also chat on Discord after establishing everything else. To contact me, use this email address here: [email protected] Give me a little introduction of yourself, what your cravings, pet peeves as well as fields of interest are. You can be descriptive about it, it would only stoke my excitement, making me want to get to know you even more. 

Should there be any further questions, ask right away. 

Till then, I am looking forward to meeting you! 

Cheers, -Gil
0 notes
linkspooky · 5 years ago
Touka and Mutsuki, setting up foils and conflict
What you said about mutsuki and touka how they are both fixating on the same thing kinda like a dream was really interesting and true to me. It makes the whole touka mutsuki kaneki/haise conflict even more complex would love to hear more about that from you 
Alright, since I’m the one who brought up this idea and also I’ve seen it go around in others inboxes, I’m going to devote the Touka and Mutsuki comparison to its own Meta rather than just having it as a point in a shared meta. 
To clarify, what do I mean when I say that both Touka and Mutsuki fixate unhealthily on the idea of Kaneki/Haise? Also, why does the narrative set this up?
To begin with, I’ve received several asks as to what I mean by Touka is obsessed with Kaneki, and I’ve also seen other people point out that Mutsuki’s love for Haise is way different and much more violent than Touka’s all accepting love for him and therefore there’s no point in comparing them. However, I raise that this seemingly total opposite difference is exactly why we must compare them. Let me demonstrate to with another chart:
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The two are in opposite directions, and Mutsuki is much more extreme yes. However if Mutsuki were not compared to Touka in this moment, you might mistake Touka’s own devotion as healthy if it were not being flagged like this. This is literally the origin of the term foil, which is a foil placed on a stage to highlight something, its something used to call attention to something in someone else.  Let’s elaborate under the cut though. 
Which means this right here: Is an extreme image that serves as a red flag to return the fandom’s attention to Touka once more. 
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Foiling though, does not mean equation of two separate things. Which is why saying that Mutsuki’s love for Haise and Touka’s love for Kaneki is not the same, is not really an argument against their foiling. In fact, Mutsuki’s extreme version of love in comparison to Touka’s much more soft spoken and accepting love is deliberately pushed to extremes to serve as an attention getter. 
To quote an old meta from @hysyartmaskstudio​ [x]
See, despite the fact that Tokyo Ghoul is billed as a horror manga, Ishida never uses things just for shock value. Not Yamori’s torture, not Kaneki’s abuse, and not even Torso, sick fuck that he is.
The chapter this meta was written in reference to is Chapter 73, Flower. Which featured Torso and Arima as the main highlights of that chapter. In particular there was this scene where Torso’s narration transitioned back to Kaneki and Arima’s fight in a meaningful way.
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The boxes are Torso’s narration, promising to take Mutsuki to a field of flowers, which transitions to Arima quite literally making a Torso out of Kaneki as is Torso’s signature habit, in a field of metaphorical flowers. 
The question is why draw out this comparison? On a surface level there is no way to equate Arima or Kaneki to Torso, while both of them are killers neither of them enjoy it or find the catharsis needed to survive out of it like Torso does in his predation. While figures that have turned abusive in the past, neither has ever subjected a prolonged violent abuse to the point of dehumanization for the sake of making another love them like Torso has done to Mutsuki. 
If you discount the extremities there are similarities between the two of them you might not have recognized were it not for the comparison, though. Look at the narration in the last page:
Connect, his words, his kagune... they cannot reach him.
 Page 19, Ch. 73
Unlike Yamori Torso’s fascination was not with strength, it was with love and connection. If you read the extra material, that gives a window into torso’s mindset, he craves connection and love while at the same time not understanding those concepts. 
A lonely pillow is difficult to sleep on. If I’m not embraced by that kind of smooth flesh, it feels as though my mind will become very strange.
For me, there is no way whatsoever to understand the hearts of humans.
Why they are happy, angry, sad, I cannot imagine. How must I act so that they do not leave me, I fail to grasp.
Since souls cannot be seen, at any rate, speaking to people besides myself, I think of them as automated dolls, crammed with meat.
Which sounds like the basic concept behind Haise Sasaki’s own birthday poem. 
…But how is someone who has never been loved be capable of loving someone else?
A child who wasn’t able to receive the minimal love they required at the time they needed it the most will continue to gaze at the illusion of affection and never know how to love until the day they die.
Both of them have a desire to be loved, but also a cluelessness of understanding what that love actually means. The desire for love is not in and of itself unhealthy, but Torso illustrates what can happen when this desire is pushed to extremes. Something that Kaneki also experiences in extremes from time to time.
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Then, what in this situation where he is paralleled to Torso is his love forcing him to do? The answer lies in the next image in which Kaneki himself gets torsoe’d by Arima. Having one’s limbs torn off is a really quick and dirty visual symbolism for a limiting of agency. 
This entire chapter ‘flower’ is about Kaneki’s attempt to connect to Arima and want to understand him, but Arima’s answer to this is ‘Don’t play around,” and to cut his limbs off. The question is why is that? Why does Kaneki fail to reach him? The answer lies in Torso, because through Torso the audience realizes that Kaneki’s intentions are not in the right place. Just like Torso, Kaneki is manipulating others passively and limiting them of their agency in order to fulfill his need to be loved. Both Hinami and Arima, Kaneki is reaching out to them in the form of this grand martyr plan he’s set himself up for, he plans to save Hinami and then die at Arima’s hand saving Hinami, and in both situations he doesn’t really care that much about the feelings of the others involved in his martyr plan. 
He didn’t take into account how Hinami would feel watching her brother die, nor did he think of how Arima would feel having to kill his son. Yet at the same time Kaneki claims he wants to understand Arima’s feelings, that’s why Arima says “Stop playing around”, because Kaneki isn’t doing this to love Arima but rather to be loved by Arima. 
Therefore we get two characters who go to extremes to draw love out of others, but do so by limiting the agency of those that they wish to be loved by, because they see no other way of achieving that love. Two character motivated by a fundamental misunderstanding of what love is.
That foiling can apply even further to Arima, a character we see in the next few chapters express true love for Kaneki, but then take his agency away right in front of him by forcing him into the role of Arima’s killer, and one eyed king. In dragging the quinque across his neck he takes away Kaneki’s choice of whether or not to kill him. In it he also takes a way a part of Kaneki’s identity as well, because from now on Kaneki has to conform to the lie that Arima told, that he was the one who killed Arima Kishou. Kaneki after his brief moment of realization and personhood once again finds himself conforming to an idea again becoming the “one eyed king” shortly afterwards. 
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So with what has been established so far, attempting to gain love from people by limiting their agency 1) often perpetuated by characters who misunderstand love 2) is inherently dehumanizing and often reduces people to ideas 3) can be done actively (torso) and also passively (kaneki) but the passive variant while harder to notice and less extreme, does not equate to healthy. Showing the extreme version also is a way narratively of pointing out the passive and harder to notice passive version, and call into question the healthiness of the motives of a character practicing this passivity. 
With all of that established, let’s return to Touka and Mutsuki. First, for a narrative foiling to take place there has to be some similarities between their situations. 
Touka and Mutsuki share three major similarities. First, they have an ambivalent attachment to a father and family structure that was suddenly cut out of their lives. 
For Touka this is in Arata. Arata however, was a healthy father figure that disappeared suddenly, hence the source of Touka’s ambiguous connection. I’ve seen comparisons that Touka takes after her mother more than her father, but that’s not the point really, Hikari died when Touka was too young to remember her face, all of her formative memories (IE, in a freudian sense the ones that dictate how she sees attachment from then on) are of her father. 
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That’s why she flashes back to her father, or more specifically her last memory of her father leaving when she thinks of the loneliness she feels or her inability to connect with Ayato from this point forward, because to her the inciting incident of all of those subconscious fears stems from her father’s disappearance. Touka also has a lot of subconscious motivators for her actions that arise from the way Arata rose her. Touka finds herself compelled to eat human food even when she does not have to, something that will intentionally make her sick and weaken her because her father convinced her it was necessary to fit in. 
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Before the reason is revealed to us though, we see this behavior demonstrated to us when Touka eats Yoriko’s food, above and beyond what is necessary to pass as a ghoul. It even becomes a problem in the final fight against Tsukiyama. 
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When Ayato is criticizing Touka for her ideals, her pacifism and want to pass as human he says she is being “Just like Pop”.
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Which is also a behavior learned from Arata, and further from Yoshimura that ghouls should be content to just blend in peacefully to the human world and observe. 
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So yes, Touka does physically resemble Hikari, and have her courageous demeanor but most of her the unconscious motivators for her behavior come from her upbringing from her father and not her mother who was not around to raise her for most of her life. 
Mutsuki is also someone who came from an unstable home, and lost a father figure, but Mutsuki’s case is more extreme. One Mutsuki is responsible for both his brother, his father, and mother leaving all at once by being the one to kill them. However, losing them still had an affect on Mutsuki. One of his first internal narrations is that he wants to meet his family, even though his life is not pretty. 
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Mutsuki’s family was abusive and horrible though, so this urge can rather be read as Mutsuki simply wants to have a family. The same way that Touka longs for the return of Arata after he was suddenly cut out of her life, (Ayato too) Mutsuki wants to experience a stable father and brother figure after being denied that by being born into a family of horrible abuse. 
 Mutsuki still displays a lot of unconscious behaviors from the way he was raised the same way Touka does. Mutsuki’s however are based upon appeasing individuals rather than trying to fit into a human society. Mutsuki’s are individual, Touka’s are societal. Mutsuki while being drowned by his father and later abused had to shout out that his father was the best, in order to get the violence against him to stop.
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One of Mutsuki’s main coping mechanisms after that is simply to appease to try to get himself out of tough situations. There are times where it’s minor, like Mutsuki simply trying to avoid conflict. Mutsuki has a habit of reading the mood and trying to go with the flow in the room, rather than standing up on his own for what he wants. He doesn’t speak out against Urie until Shirazu throws a fuss.
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There are other subconscious times where this passive behavior is pushed to extremes, and Mutsuki ends up taking and forgiving abuse from male figures in his life as a way of pacifying them. We see this with Mutsuki bringing Urie back from his freakout.
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What is textually a heartwarming scene, and subtextually a bit horrifying as it signals what abuse has done to Mutsuki, made him so passive to the abuse of male figures that he is literally willing to forgive immediately being stabbed by them. Moreso than that though, Urie deliberately led Mutsuki with him into a trap in order to gain a promotion when Mutsuki was harmed and in need of a safe place, then left Mutsuki behind and Mutsuki instantly forgives him. Mutuski also lies to Torso in order to pacify him. 
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Mutsuki’s words here “I guess this is my destiny, always stolen away by men... completely ” means that he feels compelled to surrender his agency to men in order that they might not harm him.
Mutsuki surrenders agency to men, Touka surrenders agency to humans, two different flavors of the same action, and both from the same source their fathers.
Second, both of these characters find a substitute for their father figure in Kaneki. 
I’ve heard it argued in the past that Arata is meant to resemble Kaneki from Ayato’s point of view only, but there’s too many similarities between Kaneki and Arata not to make the comparison. 
It’s brought up first here:
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Arata is brought up again while Kaneki is fighting Shinoara while wearing (surprise) Arata armor. 
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A third time right before Kaneki fought Arima: 
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Also in the context of a ghoul cannibalizing to gain great strength in order to save his loved ones, only for that strength to become his downfall. Sound familiar? 
Besides that though the way Kaneki enters the scene when Arata is first brought up is him physically forcing himself to become a substitute for Arata.
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When Touka says don’t leave me alone here, she’s specifically talking about her family, not Kaneki. Yet in Kaneki comes, assuming it’s about him or otherwise making it about him by fulfilling that promise.
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At the end of the arc, we see Touka holding Arata’s wedding ring mentioning her mother and father but thinking of Kaneki, which means that Kaneki was sucessful, he’s become a standin for the kind of love that Touka wants from others.
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Then we have Mutsuki, once again Mutsuki’s example is different and more extreme. Mutsuki does not so much slowly grow attached to Kaneki as Touka does, but rather gets attached to Haise because he is the first real stable familial figure after coming from an extremely unstable home environment and mistake that for love. 
It’s made very obvious in 114 Dear, where what earns Mutsuki’s supposed love is just Haise providing for him a safe and stable home to wake up to. Even within the context of the chapter that it’s revealed though, Mutsuki’s love is questionable. 
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Phrasing it as a question provides room for the itnerpretation that what Mutsuki is doing is feeling attachment to a familial figure and mistaking it for love primarily because he himself has no experience with love. It’s different from Touka because Haise doesn’t physically resemble Mutsuki’s father at all, but rather he’s the first healthy father figure Mutsuki allowed himself to get attached too. Even before this chapter, Mutsuki and Haise were set up as having a familial bond.
In the first arc, Mutsuki and Haise spend the entire time on each other’s sides. Mutsuki was also the first Q to act cooperatively with Haise, while Shirazu, Urie, and Saiko all were off doing their own things.
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Haise protects and reassures Mutsuki, here, here, and here.
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In the rose arc, Suzuya specifically asks why Mutsuki of all people only refers to Haise by his last name and Mutsuki says that he was used to calling him that after attending one of his academy lectures. In other words he’s used to seeing Sasaki in a formative position. 
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There’s also the fact that in this case Haise deliberately inserted himself into the position of father too. It was his decision to play family and care for all of the needs of what were essentially work assocciates.
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Now the third and most important similiarity is that Kaneki/Haise after assuming this roll of surrogate father/family member, then deliberately abandoned both of these people “for their own good” in his mind. This abandonment also comes after promising to be their for them. 
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This abandonment leaves both of them fixating on the idea of Kaneki or Haise (because the real one is not around for whatever reason) in his place, to fill whatever emotional need that Kaneki was trying to fill for them. For Mutsuki it was safety and for Touka it’s more ambiguous, but Kaneki has at least taken the place of the loneliness Touka felt towards Ayato. 
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Both of them also fixate on a past version of Kaneki, or Haise that they knew. 
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In Mutsuki’s case it’s more obvious though because the person named Haise never existed. He was Kaneki’s dream. 
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Mutsuki’s obsession is also telegraphed far better because it’s hyperviolent. It takes the form of selfish, possessive love, the same kind that Torso displayed. The want to just make sure Haise never leaves again by rendering him unable to. This:
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Is very different from this:
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But if the two of them were not compared, you might mistake the latter for looking healthy when it’s not. It’s not for several reasons, one and most apparent is that Touka only knew Kaneki consistently for two months, then he abandoned her for six of which she only saw him once during that time, then he died. Yet she’s devoted three years of her life to the creation of RE:, which is stated textually and explicitly to exist for the sake of Kaneki, maybe, if he wants to come home eventually. 
The reason I phrased that last sentence so iffy is because Touka also says that she doesn’t even want Kaneki to come back in the same sentence that she also says that :RE exists as a place for Kaneki to come back to. So, which is it? Touka’s actions while entirely selfless, are not based around romantic love. They’re based around fixation, or obsession the same way that Mutsuki’s are for Haise. The reason why they are based around obsession is because of this extreme amount of selflessness. Real love requires give and take, an element of selfishness. Touka’s love is akin to projecting love at Kaneki from afar, but you can’t love at a person only an object.
In terms of Tokyo Ghoul itself used though, Human relationships are chemical reactions. (Hello Jung, we’ve only been talking about Freud up until this point).
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In other words you can’t react with a noble gas, you need the other person to participate in the reaction. You need to want them to be with you, putting them on a pedestal and sacrificing yourself in the name of them just denies them their agency. 
So while Touka’s actions may seem selfless and noble, it’s comparing them to Mutsuki that makes the reader go “Hmm, something’s not right here.” Which is also what the focus of the next arc seems to be setting up to. As you can see, Touka’s broken family has resolved itself the best it can, Ayato and Yomo have both returned. 
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She still has a “thing” with Kaneki that will be unresolved, and will also continue to be unresolved as long as she continues to render herself passive and resign herself to just crushing on Kaneki from afar. 
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As for what idea that Touka sees in Kaneki, that’s also unspecific. It’s really specific with Mutsuki, Mutsuki sees Haise as the stability and also self control from his bloodlust that he’s never had. That’s why he associates Haise going out of control with his ghoul powers as fear, and also why he says he needs Haise to stick around while violently dissociating and stabbing him. 
I would say that if Mutsuki wants Kaneki to stay around to fix himself, that is to fix Mutsuki. Touka wants to be the one to “fix” Kaneki. Which is also why Touka makes it her job to be the one to call Kaneki out, and also after the fact the one to provide a home for Kaneki.
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Which seems heartwarming at first, but reminder she knew him for two months. Imagine spending three years of your life searching for a coworker at target that you knew for two months and worked the same shift with.
Both of these desires to fix are freudian ones as well. The flaw, Arata disappearing on Touka, Mutsuki being denied a stable household by his father, is sought to be fixed by romantic connection to another similiar father figure, Touka to Kaneki and Mutsuki to Haise. 
It’s a complex that both of them will have to get past if they ever want to connect with Kaneki the person, rather than the idea of Kaneki that exists within their head. 
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