#i really abused the hyphen in this but oh well | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

angelguk · 3 years

Note

omg so i sent in an ask re angst jock jk n oc ! but then i also realized its highly possible these 2 break up at one point while in uni mostly bc of the "are we dating bc its convenient" kinda dilemma and then it just pushes them apart bc they think theyre losing theirselves while being in such a close relationship,,,cue save ur tears by theweeknd BUT i just know when they grow up a lil bit more, theyll end up together <3

here we go! (the beginning of the end....may be...)

didn’t include save your tears as the soundtrack but may haps for the follow-up :3

pairing: jock!jk and oc

warnings: angst, yes the break-up scene, jaykay being an ass (a very huge one motivated by his own insecurities and selfishness – translation: he’d rather break her heart and carry that weight than be the heartbroken one), chayoung is no longer Seed of Doubt but something else (still up for debate but she’s fairly nice here), not edited but hey atp that’s part of my branding (also i would like everyone to consider that oc is not the greatest gf ever like guys don’t hate jk alone!!)

soundtrack: bags, clairo + stay, gracie abrams + say you know, alina baraz

(titled — honeymoon fades)

Jeongguk’s contact name hasn’t lit up the screen of your phone for six days now and you haven’t seen his face for just as long. It’s weird to go from constant incessant communication to complete and utter radio silence. Not a single meme deposited in your Instagram inbox, no random notification from his Twitter. Just silence, quiet brewing silence.

It breaks two days later when Chayoung finds you coddled under your duvet, mouth stuffed with the saccharine sweetness of mint chocolate. (Jeongguk kept a stash of it at your place but who was around to eat it anymore apart from you?).

“And why do you look like you live in a dumpster?” She’d hummed, ripping open the curtains you’d involuntarily welded shut.

“Because that’s how I feel inside,” you’d retorted, pushing aside your laptop. The screen is stuck with an image of an idiotic character named Nabi kissing the spawn of Satan. You hope for her sake it works out. Chayoung had huffed at your response, fondly whacking your head with a stray pillow.

“Well get over that feeling cause we’re going out tonight.” A declaration, the fierceness in her feline eyes a warning that you’re not allowed to even think of saying no. That doesn’t mean you hadn’t tried – sorrowful eyes and pouted lips as you begged her to spare you. But Chayoung is a force of nature, one that could easily wreak havoc on your delicateness. And she does though, with a string of comments that propels you out of the miserable burrow you’d dug up.

“You’re killing everyone, you know?” She’d supplied, yanking open your closet. “You’re sulking, Jeongguk is shutting down. He’s said like five words since this whole...thing...you have going on.”

You couldn’t help but scoff at that, toying with the corner of the large grey shirt donned on your body. Jeongguk’s shirt. One of his favourites actually. You’d thought about stealing it after spying it on his obsessively neat laundry pile, but after seeing your wandering eyes he’d given it to you instead.

“He always does that,” you’d said after Chayoung had whipped her head in your direction, curved eyebrows perplexed. “I mean, shut down. It’s his emotional response to things that bother him. Complete detachment so it hurts less.”

She had just stared at you, a long meaningful look at left your skin prickled.

“Huh.”

“What do you mean ‘huh’?”

A measured step forward, her body weight sinking into the edge of your mattress a moment later. “I mean, you know him so well.”

“Of course I do he’s my best-friend,” you’d said, indignation coating your words

“No–No you're not getting me. You know him. You know he wouldn’t make the move to reconcile–”

“But he should!”

“You told him to go away! He’s trying to listen to you even though he’s hurting!”

And maybe that was it, that simple implication that you were causing him pain that had you pausing, reviewing the things you’d said to him – the things you’d felt.

“But,” a timid rebuttal, “I just–I just need him to show me that he cares.”

“He does,” Chayoung had returned. “So much. And he misses you. He’s probably just afraid that you don’t feel the same.”

“But I do! He knows this.”

“Does he?” A question in her eyes, one that you’re afraid you know the honest answer to.

You say things and never mean them, he had said, eyes hard.

That had hurt you but perhaps he was right, there are things you hadn’t told him, feelings you hadn’t truly expressed. And Jeongguk had always been good to you, so understanding and caring, trying to fill the places were you lacked. Wasn’t he the one who planned the majority of your dates? Remembered all the important milestones of your relationship while you contributed the bare minimum. You hadn’t even told Chayoung about the surprise he had planned for your one-year anniversary, the shame of your own choice hanging heavy over your head.

So that’s why you’re here, staring at the back of his head forlornly as the music drifts around you, flashing florescent lights bathing him a hazy glory. He hasn’t seen you yet (something you’re thankful for because oddly enough you feel sick to your stomach). It feels like you’re skating on thin ice, waiting for the impending crack to sound through your heart, ice water swallowing you whole immediately. Chayoung is the one who pushes you forward, gingerly plucking the idle drink from your hand, Jimin aiding her efforts with a soft smile your way.

It’s time for you to try the way Jeongguk has, put aside that bumbling ego that oversees your actions and adopt the humility he’s always granted you.

“Go,” she murmurs. “He misses you.”

And God you hope he does because you’ve missed him too.

Except the moment his honey eyes land on you you know he hasn’t.

“Jeongguk,” you mumble. Yoonoh is frozen beside him, concerned gaze flicking between your faces. Your own eyes are stuck on him, the shape of his nose, the curve of his lips, the subtle hint of the dimple in his cheeks.

You’ve missed him, and it slips from your heart and brims in your eyes, vision blurry as your blink those stray tears back inside.

“Hi,” you add, when his silence doesn’t break.

“I should probably go,” Yoonoh lets out, awkward words bumping into the wall of tension standing firm between you to. He settles a hand on Jeongguk’s shoulder, sending him a look that feels loaded. “See you guys later, right?”

You nod, finally noticing the lump clogging your throat. “Yeah, sure.” Jeongguk just hums, the edge of his cup caught between his lips. Yoonoh flees within seconds, leaving you to wade through this alone.

“I–I know you’re not happy with me right now, but please, can we just talk?” He blinks at you, it feels like a premonition. “Please?”

“Okay.” The simple word fills you, like a hollow you weren’t aware of finally found the cure needed.

“Okay,” a small smile on your lips. Jeongguk’s face is still unreadable. He guides you up and away from the deafening sound of the song bleeding from the speakers, into an empty room, the door closing behind him muting the music and giving way to the own pounding in your head. Nobody says anything for a second, both of you navigating this uncharted territory of animosity. Until Jeongguk sighs, melting into the bed at the centre of the room. You follow suit, allocating enough space between the two of you. You’ve ever had to do that before.

“You said you wanted to talk?” Jeongguk finally cuts through it, eyes unforgiving when he glances at you.

“I did! I do–Just Jeongguk,” you can’t help it drifting out. “I miss you.”

Nothing, not even a flicker in his eyes. He eyes shift to the floor instead. “Okay. I that what you wanted to say?”

“No–No not just that! I’ve missed you Jeongguk and I’m sorry. I’m sorry that i went off on you like that and I’m sorry I haven’t been the best towards you and I’m sorry that I’ve made you feel like I didn’t care about you–or made you feel like the things I said or did had no meaning behind them. Because they do–they do because I love you. I love you so so much and I’m sorry if I made it seem like otherwise.” You automatically extend out for him, hoping to grasp on his thing floating to fast away from you. Jeongguk shifts and you hand tumbles down to the empty space between you instead, halted by his hesitance.

His head drops into his palms a second later, a broken exhale leaving his lips. The motion cause the silver bracelet on his wrist to slip down the length of his arm. It jolts something in you. Jeongguk had given you a matching one but you’d ripped it off after the last argument and hadn’t considered putting it back on. But Jeongguk was still wearing his.

“Do you really?”

“What?” He’s staring at you know, doe eyes cloudy.

“Do you really love me?” There, that stupid evil vile question that you thought you had the answer to but the words vanish in your head the longer he looks at you.

“I do–what? What are you implying? Of course, I do.”

“Of course, you do,” Jeongguk echoes. His eyes turn to the window located over his shoulder. You can see his head working through something, and you’re suddenly terrified fingertips itching to wander through his curls and coax those thoughts from his head.

“Jeongguk? What the hell are you talking about? Talk to me, please.”

He sighs again, at it feels like your heart splinters. A sudden shake of his head and Jeongguk twists back to face you, a silent tear falling down his cheek.

“You don’t love me.”

“Wh–What are you talking about? I do! And how can you decide my feelings for me?”

“No. You don’t love me the way you think you do–the way you should.” It feels like he’s saying it to more than you, like he’s saying it to himself. “Maybe this the wrong choice to make. You know. Maybe we shouldn’t have done this.”

You shatter just like that, shards on the floor as you stare him, this person that you thought you knew. And maybe the feeling is mutual because Jeongguk is staring at you in a similar way, searching for the courage to say the words you know lie in his heart. Like a loaded cannon, waiting for the match to strike and leave you lying in pieces.

“I think we should break–"

“No,” you cut him off with an adamance that you didn’t know existed until right then. “No, you’re not gonna say that and we are not doing this.”

His eyes narrow then, jaw set. “This is not about ‘us’, I’m doing what’s right for me.”

“How is that right? Huh, Jeongguk? Don’t you care about this? Don’t you care about me?”

He looks away then, ignoring your questions, his throat stuck.

“Jeongguk...” You reach out again, and he allows it, shoulders sinking with the weight of your hand on them. “Don’t you care about me?”

Another heavy exhale, his eyes blinking hard. “I do. And that’s why this won’t work, not the way it should at least. I really think we should end this, or at least reconsider the reasons why we’re together. You say you love me–you say you always have but really–really think about it. About me and us and what we are. I’m sorry, I really am but I just can’t do this anymore.”

He rises then, your outstretched hand tumbling down to the empty space he’d left behind. You can’t move it, can’t breathe, your heart hurtling out of your chest and onto the ground where it lies, fragmented beyond repair and bleeding bare. You glance up through tears, watch him open his mouth and then it and look away.

“Do you mean it?” You finally ask, and his eyes snap to you. He knows what you’re saying. There’s a pause that stretches out for eternity, coloured by the sound of the ringing in your head.

“Maybe.” It cuts right through you, lodging itself deep with intent. And then you just have to nod, swallow the scream clawing at your throat. He murmurs one more apology before his feet carry him away, and you watch, forlorn as you burn his frame into your memory, as your whole world walks out the door.

#jungkook x reader #jungkook angst #au: jock!jaykay #i really abused the hyphen in this but oh well

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morganofthewildfire · 2 years

Text

Same Time Thursday Part 11

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masterlist

CW: mentions of abuse, depictions of abuse, discussions of sexual assault, mentions of drugging

~ 5k words

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They decided to elope, much to Aelin’s original chagrin. She’d always expected to get married at a temple, with hundreds of high society people there, in a poofy white gown while her parents praised her for marrying a man from such a well to do family. She would be happy of course, and dreadfully in love, so in love she didn’t care about anyone else there.

But she’d always expected there’d be at least someone else there. Instead, there was no audience to celebrate with her, there was no poofy gown, and there weren’t any parents. Arobynn was estranged from his parents, who lived thousands of miles across the ocean, and her parents - well, they weren’t exactly able to attend.

Aelin technically did have a dress, though it wasn’t the fairytale ballgown of her childhood dreams. She’d let Arobynn pick it out, and his style wasn’t quite the same as hers.

None of that really mattered though, she was just happy to be there, in a small scenic temple on the edge of Adarlan, a private jet ready to fly them to the Southern continent for a romantic honeymoon. It was a different sort of glitz and glamour, and Aelin was completely enthralled by it. Completely enthralled by him.

The ceremony itself was quick, and Aelin was left smiling after it as she realized what that meant for her. She wasn’t alone anymore, which meant everything.

His private jet loomed before them, but she wasn’t on it, wasn’t walking toward it. Instead, she was leaning against the railing overlooking the coastline. They were perched up on the cliffs that lined the pebbly beach in Adarlan, but it was no less beautiful than some of the picturesque destinations they would be at in a few hours.

She sighed happily, the sound of the ocean almost drowning out the sound of the airplane hum. She’d always liked the ocean, and the beach, though she hadn’t been to one since her family vacation more than five years ago. There was something soothing about it, something that seemed to counteract the fire in her blood that sometimes made her unbearable restless. She was at peace there, and that was a feeling she missed.

Arms slid around her stomach to hold her from behind, and she hummed, leaning back into the body behind her.

“Hello, Mrs. Hamel,” he crooned, and she smiled again, turning her head to look up at him.

“Galathynius-Hamel,” she corrected fondly, “I’m hyphenating it, remember?” Arobynn leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek.

“I already filled out the forms, hyphenating it is unnecessary.” Ice flooded her veins.

“Oh.” She knew she sounded dejected, confused, tense, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “But that’s what I wanted to do,” she protested, her brows furrowed. “Why did you just decide to ignore me?” A weird feeling was crawling over her, a feeling she didn’t quite know how to describe.

No longer a Galathynius, but a Hamel instead. She should be glad to get rid of that lingering stain of her parents, glad to spite it all and dissociate herself from the people who’d wrecked her life. But it still felt like a loss. A loss he’d caused.

“You don’t need both names,” Arobynn replied, his arms tightening around her. They suddenly felt like a vice-like grip around her and her breaths quickened.

“Why didn’t I get a say in that, though?” Aelin asked, tensing and turning her face back to the ocean. She tried to push free of his arms to face him properly, but he kept his grip.

“You’re not thinking properly about it,” he said, a brow raised, “Your input is biased, and dare I say, invalid.” She bristled, and opened her mouth to respond to the insult wrapped in pretty technical terms, but he shushed her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Come on, let’s just forget about it and go enjoy the beach, hm? You’ll forget about this in no time.”

Aelin’s brows furrowed at the phrasing of the sentence, but didn’t protest as he grabbed her hand, ignoring the warning signs in her head as he led her to the plane.

---

Her shopping bags crinkled in her arms as she maneuvered them to open the front door, smiling and beating Mullin to the chase, who tried to open it for her.

“I’m rich, yes,” she joked, “but I can still open my own doors.” Mullin smiled back, like he was laughing at the joke, but Aelin glimpsed an odd light in it that made her uncomfortable, so she just kept going into the house, letting him close the door behind her. She dropped the bags with a huff, the sound echoing through the grand foyer of her new house.

She didn’t know where Arobynn was, her husband. It was still so new the word still surprised her. Maybe he was still at the office.

Aelin had recognized his name when he finally told her that first day they met; he was in the same business as her… parents were in. Real estate. Something she didn’t have much interest in, but she’d come across his name when her parents used to talk about the business, still hanging on to the hope that she’d change her mind. She hadn’t, and now it was too late.

But real estate meant money, and money meant -

“Shopping, hm?” A familiar voice said, and she turned around, smiling. But while his voice sounded light, his face was tense, and her smile faded.

“Yeah,” Aelin said, trying to sound cheerful. “I didn’t have anything to do today, so I figured why not?” Arobynn’s face was unreadable as he stalked over to her, leaning down and snatching one of her bags off the ground.

“And what did you buy?” He asked rhetorically, taking the first item out of the bag. It was from a high end store at the Rifthold mall, they all were really, stores she’d shopped at since she was big enough to fit in them. It was a tradition she used to have with her mom, going on monthly shopping trips and spending whatever she wanted. Granted, it wasn’t with her money anymore, though she supposed it kind of was. Her inheritance had been absorbed into Arobynn’s bank account, her parents’ company now signed over to him.

She didn’t know what to do with it, and he insisted that he did, so she just let him have it. All she needed was his credit card.

He scoffed as he held out the first dress she’d bought, a dress she rather liked. It was floral and loose, made from a flowy material that made her feel like she was floating on air, perfect for the upcoming spring season. It was whimsical and light and -

“Childish,” Arobynn spit, and she flinched, “this is childish, Aelin.” He held up the dress, and she averted her eyes. “How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you wear things like this?”

“I -”

He ignored her, dropping the bag as he picked up another one, pulling out the black dress she’d bought. It was short, and practically backless, with a halter neckline and a golden embroidered dragon climbing up alongside the hem. This one was definitely not childish, it was -

“Whorish,” he decided, “you’d look like a slut in this. Is that what you want?” He leveled a dark stare at her. Aelin blinked, her mouth turning down into a frown.

“No, but I don’t thin-”

“Who took you shopping? You can’t drive, who went with you?” Arobynn asked, snatching up the rest of the bags, and snapping his fingers at Mullin, who took them without another twisted smile, disappearing with them into another room.

“Ben did,” she answered, naming the chauffeur. “He offered to when I said I was bored.” Her hands clenched in fists unconsciously, tucked by her sides. He let out a snort of derision.

“Ben, huh,” he said, his voice dripping with condescension and anger, “well I’ll have a little chat with him.”

Aelin stared after him as he stomped away smoothly, left alone once again in the grand room.

She never saw Ben again.

—

Aelin couldn’t deny that she was a tad nervous as she walked into Arobynn’s office building, the man himself at her side. It was his company’s end of quarter cocktail party, and for the first time, Aelin got to see where he spent his days. And who he spent his days with.

She was draped in a dark red dress, professional looking but not too dowdy, edging the line of appropriate and not. He’d picked it out, ever since her shopping trip she just let him dress her. Saved herself an argument.

“Are you nervous, darling?” Arobynn asked her, picking out her thoughts with precision, and she nodded, not finding it necessary to lie. “Don’t be, if you keep your mouth shut you’ll be perfectly fine.” The words were said warmly but Aelin just felt cold.

She didn’t speak again as they walked into the lobby. It was already an upscale building, with marble and glass characterizing the space, but it was even more dressed up now, with white covered tables, soft lighting, light jazz music, and waiters carrying around drinks and appetizers.

Arobynn used the arm on her lower back to guide her, and she followed willingly, having nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. He took them up to a man she’d never seen before. He was on the shorter side, with ruddy brown hair and a plain brutish looking face.

“Tern,” Arobynn said, reaching out to shake his hand. “Nice to see you here.”

“Same to you,” Tern said, a tilted smile on his face like there was something she didn’t know. “Though this party could be a lot more fun.”

“Oh?” Her husband asked idly as he snatched a glass of champagne from a waiter. Aelin was craving one, she wanted that bubbly burst of warmth in her stomach, but she was waiting for him to say it was okay. She wasn’t legal yet after all, and while she drank plenty at home, Arobynn was odd about her drinking in public.

It was fair, as if anyone questioned her it could be bad for both of them, but it was still disappointing.

But she didn’t dare say anything about it, not when last time she ordered a drink at a restaurant, they ID'd her and he’d been visibly upset. He hadn’t let her drink at all for a week after that. It’d been utterly miserable.

“Yeah, there’s not nearly enough women here,” Tern said, chuckling like it was a joke between the two of them, and to her dismay, Arobynn laughed too. “Speaking of women, who’s this lovely lady?”

Aelin looked up, aware he was talking about her, but when she went to answer, she was cut off.

“This is Aelin Galathynius, my plus one.”

Galathynius. His plus one. Her polite smile faded, a queasy feeling replacing it. It was his turn to lie apparently.

“Galathynius, huh?” Tern asked, looking her up and down in an appraisal that made the queasy feeling grow. “Interesting, you being here at a competitor’s party.” She’d be confused if she could direct any energy toward the feeling. Did no one know she didn’t own the company anymore? “No matter though,” the man added with a twisted smile, “the more the merrier.”

She managed to nod, her lips pressed together in a thin smile, a smile that remained for a good portion of the evening. But the more people she met, the more Arobynn introduced her like that, the harder and harder it was to keep the tears at bay. She just wanted to go home.

When Arobynn saw her glistening eyes, his mouth tightened, and he used his hold on her to direct her out into a hallway, away from the party.

“What. is the issue,” he asked tensely, and she used the privacy to wipe her eyes, shaking her head.

“Nothing,” she insisted, “nothing’s wrong.” He surprised her by grabbing her arm and shoving her up against the wall. Her face paled at the show of aggression.

“Obviously something’s wrong,” he said, his teeth gritted, “otherwise you wouldn’t be standing here looking like your dog just died.”

“I just don’t understand,” she decided to admit, albeit hesitantly with the way she was pinned against the wall. Apprehension rolled through her.

“Enlighten me to your struggle then,” Arobynn replied, a dangerous light in his eyes. She clenched her jaw, lifting her chin in a show of strength, though she didn’t feel very strong now. She hadn’t felt strong in months.

“You changed my last name yet you refuse to use it,” she said, letting the words fall out of her mouth, “you also married me yet you refuse to acknowledge it to anyone. It’s like you’re ashamed of me.”

Her heart was pounding as adrenaline raced through her veins.

“And why shouldn’t I be?” He spit. “You’ve embarrassed me enough this evening.”

“Embarrassed you?!” She replied incredulously, suddenly frustrated. “I haven’t done anything but shut up and smiled, just like you asked!” She blamed that frustration for her next words. “If anything, you’re embarrassing me.”

Aelin didn’t see the slap coming, but once she did it was too late to avoid it. Stinging spread across her left cheek as her head ricocheted to the side, leaving her breathing heavily, her eyes wide. She brought her hand up hesitantly to cover the pain, looking at him slowly.

“You… hit me,” she said slowly, trying to comprehend what just happened. “You hit me.” Her words were a bit more firm. “How could you do that?” She truly didn’t understand, but there was too much yet not enough running through her head to even say anything beyond that. She was in disbelief. “Why would yo-”

“Let’s go home,” Arobynn said firmly, not looking the least bit remorseful. She hesitated, and he dragged a hand up her bare arm, in a show of soothing her. It didn’t. “Come on,” he smirked a bit, changing his tune, “I’ll make it up to you I promise.”

Aelin hesitated at that too, knowing what he meant. And she wasn’t sure that would accomplish his goal. It’d been good at first, great even, but lately, she’d felt a little less desired and a little more used.

But when he grabbed her arm and led her to the exit, she didn’t protest.

-----

Her head ached like crazy, that was the first thing she noticed as she blearily blinked her eyes open, a tired sense of terror in her veins. Lingering more than tired really, like the last vestiges of it quickly slipping into resignation. And realization.

It was Arobynn, of course it was Arobynn. There was a slight chance it could’ve been some random guy in the bar who thought she was attractive and paid the bartender to drug her, Fenrys, which she’d have words with Rowan about. But she didn’t talk to anyone besides Rowan, she didn’t even see anyone besides Rowan.

So it was him. He’d done it before even, and she admonished herself for not recognizing the feeling when it’d been happening, but it hadn’t felt the exact same way. Before, there’d been at least some preparation, she was aware of it; this time she was blindsided purely for his own amusement. Just because he could.

Her gut sank and she rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling of her bedroom. She wasn’t surprised she was here, she recognized Rowan’s voice now as the one who’d called to her as she fell unconscious and he’d probably gotten her back safely. But where was -

“Elia,” she managed to say, her throat unbearably dry. Aelin pushed herself up in bed, squinting at the bright light. “Where’s Elia?”

She didn’t know who she was talking to, there was no one in her room with her, but when Rowan walked in, she knew she’d really been asking him.

And he looked absolutely wrecked.

He was still in his outfit from the night before, though it was all wrinkled, and his hair was all over the place, like he’d strung his fingers through it an infinite number of times. There were dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept all night. He probably hadn’t. But those eyes lit with relieved surprise when they landed on her.

“Oh, you’re awake,” He said, loosing a breath as he walked over to her, setting a glass of water down on her nightstand.

“Where’s my daughter, Rowan,” she asked urgently, “Emrys doesn’t watch her overnight.” He nodded, sitting hesitantly down on the edge of her bed.

“Yeah, after I got you into the car, I picked her up and took her to Elide and Lorcan’s apartment,” he answered, and her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off, lifting his hands in supplication. “Before you murder me, know that I never would’ve left her there if I wasn’t one hundred percent confident that she’d be safe there.�� She narrowed her eyes but let him talk. “I’ve known Lorcan for ages, and I trust Elide even more than him, and they’re going to take perfect care of her.” She hesitated, but met his eyes as he said, “Trust me.” And she did.

So she nodded. “Why though? Why not bring her here?” She questioned, even though she pretty much knew the answer already.

“I wasn’t sure what was wrong with you,” Rowan answered honestly, and she picked up the glass of water, draining the whole thing to soothe her fiery throat. “Well at first I didn’t know if you needed to go to the hospital or what I needed to do or if you were even going to be okay, and I couldn’t take care of her at the same time as I was figuring all of that out. I knew she’d be better there for the time being.” He looked at the clock on her nightstand. “I told them I’d come pick her up at noon, is that okay?”

That was about three hours from now, gods she’d been out for a while. She tested the idea in her head for a moment, but eventually nodded. “That’s okay, as long as you trust them.”

“I do,” he replied, “wholeheartedly.” A quiet moment passed, until she winced at a sharp pain in her head. That seemed to spur him into action, and instead of the bed, he sat in the kitchen chair conspicuously placed right by her. Idly she realized he must’ve sat there the whole time she was asleep. A strange sensation grew in her chest at the thought, rushing through her body and filling every inch of her veins and taking her breath away. She shoved it aside for later examination.

“How are you feeling?” Rowan asked, his brows furrowed, and she chuckled drily.

“Pretty shitty, I can’t lie.” She dragged a hand down her face, sliding down until she was wrapped in the covers again. “I haven’t felt this bad in a while.” He made a hum of acknowledgement, looking concerned when she tilted her head his way. “Do you know what happened to me?” She asked, almost like a test.

He sighed, leaning forward to brace his arms on his knees. “I do,” he said, clearly upset, “and I'm going to have words with Fenrys, believe me.” He huffed. “The audacity of some people, it’s absurd. Who actually thinks it’s okay to drug someone, just because they think they’re attractive?” He was on a rant now. “I will never understand, it’s just horrible and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that, that anyone has had to deal with that.”

Aelin stepped in then, voicing what she’d wanted to say since she woke up. “That’s all true, but it wasn’t some random guy,” she admitted, “it was Arobynn, I’m sure of it.” He froze, lifting his head slowly to look at her, horrified.

“Arobynn?” He asked, and she nodded, her jaw clenched.

“I don’t even need to think about it,” she added, “it was definitely him. I’m glad you were there,” she continued, her words vulnerable. “I’m glad there was someone I could trust to get me home safely. Otherwise… I don’t know what would’ve happened.” Their kiss flashed in her mind, kisses, and everything they still hadn’t said to each other. But they’d worry about that later.

“It was terrifying finding you on the floor like that,” he said quietly, his eyes haunted, “I - don’t think I’ll ever forget that feeling.” Aelin wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand, but she didn’t, just staring at him instead. “But I’m also glad I was there, I’m glad nothing worse happened.”

“Yeah,” she rasped, “If he’d gotten to me, that - wouldn't have been good.” An understatement.

Rowan froze, icy rage etched into his statuesque features. “Has he-” he began, searching for the words. “Did he used to-”

“Rape me?” Aelin filled in for him, her voice hollow. She fidgeted under the covers, fighting the pounding in her head as she pushed herself up to a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. She turned her head to face Rowan where he was perched on the edge of the bed, wariness overtaking his face, like he was scared of how she’d react to the question. Scared, and concerned for what that answer would be.

She sighed, dropping her head back against the wood veneer. “Depends on your definition of it.” Her voice was weak with her tiredness, her exhaustion, her flickers of trauma sparking through her nerves at the faint thought of what happened. “I wouldn’t say so at first.” She shrugged. “As repulsive as it is to think about now, I wanted it.” Maybe if she wasn’t so drained the words wouldn’t come out with such nonchalance, but she couldn’t even find the energy to care.

Not with what had happened.

“But?” Rowan asked, and she sighed again, patting the bed lightly to gesture for him to sit there fully. And he did, scooting over so their shoulders were brushing. His arm immediately went to drape over her shoulders, and the way his fingers combed through the ends of her stringy hair soothed her in a way she didn’t think was possible. It gave her the courage to keep speaking.

“But,” she continued, eyes flicking down to look at the comforter. This was the first time she’d ever uttered these words. “As things got worse and worse, well, it had never been about me to begin with. And I think maybe he started to enjoy toying with me more?”

Aelin took Rowan’s other hand with both of hers, just to have something to do with them, to mess with his fingers to vent her nervous energy.

“It got more - painful,” she admitted, looking everywhere but his face. “And he seemed to enjoy it more when I-“

“Didn’t?” Rowan supplied quietly as her words failed her and she nodded stiltedly.

In almost a whisper, she said, “that’s how I know without a doubt it was him who’d drugged me last night. He’s done that multiple times before.” He stiffened next to her. “One of his ‘experiments’ I’d complied with just to make sure he didn’t lash out at me.” Her voice got tighter and tighter, a lump stuck in her throat. “But even then, I didn’t realize - I thought I was happy because I was making him happy.”

She shook her head, her voice practically gone as she forced out, “I was so wrong.”

Rowan sighed, his arm a soothing weight on her shoulders. With his free hand, he tilted her chin gently to make her look at him. She did, albeit warily.

“Why did you want to sleep with him? Originally?” He asked, and she furrowed her brows.

“What?” She was dumbfounded. “Why would you-“

“Why did you want to sleep with him?” He repeated, and she jerked out of his hold, indignant.

“I don’t know, Rowan,” she spit, suddenly defensive, “why does one normally sleep with someone? Because they’re hot, or they’re a good kisser, or they just want to, I don't know. I regret it now, obviously, I’m disgusted, but I just wanted to then.”

“Did you?” Rowan continued, looking calm and collected in contrast to her sudden fire.

“What do you mean? Of course I did.”

“So there was nothing off at all,” Rowan spoke, and she tried to stutter for an answer before he continued, “it was that straightforward. There was no underlying feeling of coercion, no part of you that felt like it wasn’t right, or a part of you that felt like you owed him that to fulfill some sort of debt you thought you had?”

“He…” she trailed off, trying to orient her memories.

“Where were you the first time?” He asked. “When was it?”

“The cabin he bought up in the mountains,” she answered, feeling small at the thought. She wanted to sink into the mattress. “He told me we were going on a vacation the same hour that we left. And then we… and he proposed too.”

Rowan’s mouth tightened. “So he surprised you with this trip, isolated you, after spoiling you with a bunch of clothes and other stuff you said,” she nodded to confirm, “and then he slept with you, full well knowing you were barely legal and had just gone through a major trauma. And then proposed to make sure you’d only ever be turning to him. And you’re sure there was an equal balance of power there? You’re sure that in the beginning it was okay?”

Aelin blinked. And then blinked again. “Oh.”

Her chest felt too tight. Rowan was waiting, waiting for her to speak, so she did. “I guess I - knew that?” She tried to explain, “maybe? Somewhere I did. I knew it wasn’t right, I knew I was too young, but I just am struggling to grasp that my memory could be lying to me. That I’m lying to myself.” She blinked rapidly, her voice as tight as her lungs. “It was always assault.” The words tasted bitter.

“Am I supposed to feel like this, Rowan?” She asked, looking at him and his eyes that held infinite sorrow. Not pity, sorrow. And anger. “Am I supposed to feel like I’m being eaten from the inside out by this creature stitched together with my stupidity, my suffering,” she shook her head, her lips trembling, “and my shame.”

Rowan wrapped her in his arms quickly, squeezing her tight and letting her shudder into his chest. “I’m falling apart,” she whispered into his shirt, “I’m falling apart but I can’t because I have Elia. And I can’t because being in pieces would mean I crawl back to him to fix me, when he was the one who shattered me first.”

He pressed kisses to her neck, to her jaw, to her face. Not languid ones, quick desperate ones, like he was trying to put her back together with just his lips. But still, she didn’t cry.

She just clutched his shirt, trying to keep afloat, blaming her addled state for the words she let leave her mouth. “He’s been here the whole time,” she admitted, feeling Rowan tense.

“What?”

“He left me that note,” she said, not daring to look, “he keeps texting me, he never stops, he sends me pictures of me, harasses me,” she shook her head, growing frantic, “he hacked my bank account, gave me money and paid my rent but didn’t let me buy groceries one time, and now this. I’m just so scared of what he’s going to do, I’m scared of what he’s thinking, I’m scared of him.” The words were an admittance, something she hadn’t said out loud. “I’m scared of him, and I don’t know what to do.”

Aelin pulled back a bit, a wave of dizziness hitting her. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck. Rowan was silent as she leaned back against the pillows, his face twisted into one of anger, more anger than she’d ever seen from him. Logically, she knew he wasn’t mad at her. Right?

Was he mad she’d lied to him? Mad she hadn’t trusted him? Hadn’t told him when his safety was possibly in jeopardy? He should be mad. It would only be what she deserved.

It was those thoughts circling her head that made her do what she did. Those thoughts controlled her movements to the point where when he leaned over, getting closer to her … she flinched.

She fucking flinched.

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room, Rowan’s eyes wide and her own frozen.

“I was just fixing your blankets,” he said quietly, lifting his hands up. She looked down slowly, seeing her comforter all twisted, half falling off the bed. “That’s all.”

A noise close to a sob escaped her, her throat tightening until her eyes began to water. And for the first time in years, she cried.

Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed, simultaneously feeling like her soul was breaking apart and also being freed at the same time. Rowan responded faster than she could blink, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Aelin buried her head in his chest, his dress shirt getting wet as she spilled out every single emotion she’d buried deep inside.

“Why did he treat me like that, Rowan?” She asked through her tears. “What did I do to deserve it?”

One hand was looped around her back, and the other landed on her head, smoothing back her hair. “No, don’t think like that,” he insisted, “you didn’t do anything to deserve that, there’s no way you could even deserve that.” He sounded close to tears himself. “He’s just cruel, and heartless, and a sorry excuse for a human being, and he took that out on you.”

“But why?” She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. “Why me? Why did he have to break me?” He combed through her hair, almost like a massage, and she sighed. “He took everything that was still normal about me after the crash and wrecked that too, and now I’m just left with nothing.”

“You have Elia,” Rowan reminded, “and you’ll always have me.”

Her eyes were swelling with the force of her tears, but she didn’t care as she looked up at him. She lifted a shaky hand to his cheek and moved closer to press one soft kiss to his lips. He let out a shuddering sigh, their eyebrows touching as they breathed the same air.

“You’ll always have me too,” Aelin said quietly. “To whatever end.”

“To whatever end,” he agreed, and that was all she needed to hear.

---------------------------------------------

taglist:

@lexflame @in-love-with-caramel-macchiato @shecriesallthetime @rolltide7 @sleeping-and-books @tottenhamboys20 @firestarsandseneschals @yesdreamblog @jlinez @superspiritfestival @courtofjurdan @booknerdproblems @1islessthan3books @ireallyshouldsleeprn @imaginedhaven @fangirlprincess09 @lauraisfae @claralady @sassys-world @booksbqueen @aelinashryvergalathynius18 @sexy-dumpster-fire @http-itsrebecca @perseusannabeth @throneofmak @emilyoftheshadows @poisonous00 @thegoddessofyou @highqueenofelfhame @chieflemming @thesurielships @annejulianneh111 @tomtenadia @aflickeringsoul @woollycat22 @empire-of-wildfire @jesstargaryenqueen @gracie-rosee @wanderingjpg @cicada-bones @shyvioletcat @thewayshedreamed @rowaelinismyotp @rowaelinrambling @grandma-noob-lord @myworldofbooks @danibutterr @wordsafterhours @vanzetanze @dangerouscherryblossompenguin @sailorsassley @rainbowcheetah512 @live-the-fangirl-life @rowanwhitethornisbae

#rowaelin fanfiction #rowaelin #rowaelin au #throne of glass #throne of glass fanfiction #throne of glass au #stt #same time thursday

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wittykitty21 · 3 years

Text

Falling Together

//Shanexfarmer HarveyxFarmer Sebastianxfarmer??

TW !! Talk of self harm, suicide, drinking, abuse, death!!

Chapter Two; Warm and Cold Welcomes

As I walked into the Stardrop Saloon, Emily immediately ran over and hugged me.

“You’re here!! You’re really back! I knew it was you the second I felt your energy hit the earth here.” She beamed. I hugged her back, I felt so accepted and warm here. She began introducing me to everyone, including a hot lean alternative guy with black swooped over hair, grey eyes and dressed all up in black along with a girl with purple hair and dressed in a black shirt with a frog printed on it. I assumed he was Robin’s son she had previously told me about.

“Heyyyyy Guns n Roses, nice taste. I’m Sebastian and this is Abigail. Abigail smiled and waved a little shyly at me. Sebastian continued,“ Sure mom’s told you about me. What’s your name?” he looked flirtatious towards me, but before I could tell him, a flash of blonde hair ran over to me and i was immediately lifted at least two feet off the ground into a hug.

“EVIEEEEE!!!!! I can’t believe its you!! We have so much catching up to do since we last made mud pies together. ” He smiled and put me back down. Me being slightly startled from his energetic golden retriever personality. Sebastian was laughing at the startled expression I had.

“Awww Sam, missed me pushing you over and you crying when I beat you in video games? “ I smirked.

“You know it! I’ve gotten pretty good over the years, you owe me unlimited rematches. And - Hey, I don’t think you’ll be able to push me over anymore, short stack. “ Sam was around 6′0 ft, and I had stayed at a measly 5′3 and a HALF since I was 13. I was happy Sam was the same overly optimistic ray of sunshine he had been since a kid.

“Jeezzzz Sam give her some breathing room. Sorry about him, he’s always like this” Abigail chuckled.

Sebastian slid back into the conversation, “So, Evie, is that your real name or is that your nickname?”

“Oh, yeah. I just go by Evie. My full name is Evangeline Eliza Jones-Destriu. I hate how long my name is.... and the fact my parents chose to hyphenate my last name.” I smiled weakly.

“Well a cute name to match a super cute girl with awesome fashion sense! “, exclaimed Abigail. “You have to show me where you get your clothes from.”

“As long as you show me where you got that frog shirt from, frogs are like one of my favorite animals.” I said excitedly.

After playing a little bit of pool with my new friend group, everyone else from the town started pouring in. I went up to Marnie, who was talking to Lewis. As I approached she immediately recognized me and hugged me.

“Evangeline!!!! Oh my goodness. You’ve become quite the beautiful young woman. You look so much like your grandpa. I’m sure hes so proud of you for taking over the farm. I’ll be here to help you as much as you need getting started. When Shane gets here you should say hello to him.”

“Shane? “ I squinted a little, confused.

“My nephew, you two were best friends whenever you spent the summers here.” she said a little worried. She noticed the bruise too, I tried to hide it behind my hair but I was starting to think it was inevitable.

“I’m sorry Marnie, I have memory problems. I’ll talk to you more about it in private when we catch up, but if you point him out to me I’m sure I’ll remember his face. I’m just not good with names. “

Marnie seemed a little sad that I hinted at the fact life hadn’t been very easy for me. “He’ll be here in a bit, he’s almost always at the saloon after work. He’s usually over there near the fireplace and bar. If you want you can come over for dinner on Sunday, I’m sure you havent had a good home cooked meal in a while since living in the city.”

I smiled widely “I’d absolutely love that. I was just telling Lewis today about how much I missed your cooking.”

As I said that, a man in a tattered up hoodie, dark black-purple hair, who was quite broad shouldered and had a dad body walked inside the saloon. He looked void of emotion and tired. Emily wasn’t phased by this, she smiled and treated him like everyone else in the warm happy way she did. He looked almost angry at her for her being nice to him. That’s when Marnie said “Well there he is, that’s my Shane.”

Maybe he just had a bad day, I thought. I thought about getting him something to eat to maybe cheer him up a bit. After all, I knew all about having bad days. So I walked over to Emily, and he peeked up at me, seeming annoyed. This built up anxiety in me, but my therapist said I needed to overcome my fear of upsetting people after all I’d been through. So I asked Emily,

“Hey what’s Shane’s favorite food?”

“Oh, he loves pepper poppers. Um.... Evie, hes a little..... rough around the edges.” she smiled “but he has a good heart. He has a goddaughter named Jas, and he took her in.”

I nodded, and she handed me a plate of the spicy food. I walked over cautiously to him, he smelled like beer and whiskey. I slid the food beside him and he looked up at me kind of dazed, probably from the alcohol.

“Hey, I’m new in town, I don’t know if you remember me but I’m-”

“What the fuck do you want? I don’t fucking know you, so piss off and leave me alone.” He spat at me and didn’t even look me in the eyes. I stood back shocked, feeling tears well up. Emily went pale, Marnie, Sam and Sebastian saw the look of hurt on my face. I immediately turned around and went back to Emily.

“Hey you okay? I’m sorry, he’s not normally that harsh. Here,” She said as she handed me a bottle of wine. “its on the house. I should’ve told you he’s uh, an angry person.”

I couldn’t speak, the feeling of panic and tears welled up in my throat and I knew it was visible on my face. I just looked at her and nodded. “I’ll be alright, thanks Emily. I just wasn’t expecting that. I’m gonna head home.”

I took the wine and Marnie tried to stop me and talk to me, she saw the tears starting to come down and gave me a quick hug. As I turned to leave I felt like i was being watched, and I locked eyes with him. A sudden wash of recognition and regret hit his face. He saw he made me cry and i knew now he knew who I was. He put down his beer and looked like he was about to walk over. I almost ran out the door, and started sprinting towards the forest with the wine in hand. As soon as I knew I was out of earshot, I broke down. I looked for the pond my grandfather used to take me to when I was sad.

---Back at the Saloon while Evie is in the woods, Shane POV--

Marnie walked over to Shane. “What has gotten into you? You grew up with that girl!!!! You made her cry after she wsa just trying to be nice to you.”

“I-I didn’t recognize who she was until she left. I’m going to find her and apologize, I’m sorry Marnie. I’m just--” he sighed. God. I always fuck up. He thought.

Marnie patted him on the shoulder “I know Shane. Just-- try to remember you’re not the only one who’s been through a lot. Okay?”

He nodded and left the Saloon to find and apologize to Evie.

--Back to Evie in the woods, Shane POV--

I sat down at the edge of the pier and downed the entire bottle of wine. I hadn’t imagined something so small would make me relapse. The alcohol made me feel warm so i took off my long sleeve shirt and kept on my large band tee. The bandages and stitches itched with my mistakes. So I took them off. They probably needed a little air anyways. The vertical cuts that were held together with thread still looked pretty bad and they bled a little as I unraveled the wrapping, but they were at least mostly closed up with scabs. Around the wounds were bruises from Daniel, my ex -fiance. I could still see the finger marks were he had grabbed me on my arm. I cried somewhat loudly and just laid and looked up at the stars for a while. I started feeling dizzy, and tired. And the comforting numbness washed over me as everything faded into darkness. I thought I heard someone walking towards me but I didn’t care. They could kill me and I’d die happy right there.

--Shane’s POV finding Evie--

I knew where she was going, the same place she went when she snuck out of her gradfathers when she missed her dad. I heard loud crying, like someone was in pain. It had to be her, I was already tipsy and quickened my pace towards the loud cries. Suddenly it stopped. Oh Yoba. Oh no. Why did it stop?

I didn’t want to frighten her, so I tried to walk a little loudly. I saw a figure laid out on the pier, close to the edge of the side, she was about to roll off into the pond. “Evie? Hey.”

No response. Oh fuck. As i got closer I saw the empty wine bottle, and i felt a pang of guilt and worry.

Wait. What the hell? I turned on my phones light and shined it on her, she passed out from drinking. But- what was......

I saw cuts on both her wrists that were obviously a previous suicide attempt, they were stitched together, but she also had dark bruises of all colors on her arms, and she had cried off her makeup, revealing a darkened eye as well.

I felt like I had just walked in on a crime scene. I never thought I’d meet someone more messed up than me, much less a childhood friend. What the hell happened to her? I tried shaking her awake and calling her name but she didn’t wake up. More panic and anxiety came over me. I picked her up gingerly in my arms to bring her to the clinic, she was so small and soft. She smelled like strawberries and vanilla. Shane studied her features. She had the same freckles, same button nose, same long eyelashes and dark hair as he remembered her having as she had when they were little. She was gorgeous too. How could anyone hurt such a beautiful fragile girl? What the hell is wrong with me? Why am I thinking this way? Get a grip Shane.

I called Harvey, “Hello?” A groggy mans voice answered.

“Hey uh Harvey, the new farmer girl, she’s actually a childhood friend of mine. I found her passed out drunk on a pier and she looks like she’s already been in bad shape. I can’t wake her up, I’m bringing her as we speak. She already has stitches and-- She’s just in a really bad way.” Shane’s voice quaked a bit at the end of his sentence.

“Okay, oh Yoba, thats not good. Hurry here as fast as you can okay? I’ll get things ready for her so I can immediately work on her. Is she breathing? “ The words Harvey said made me panic more. Fuck. I didn’t even check to see if she was fucking breathing. I looked down and she was breathing gently and normally.

“Yeah she is, I think she’s just really drunk. I’m not sure.” I said back.

I carried her in, set her down on the hospital bed. Holy fuck. I hadn’t noticed how bad she really was hurt. She hid all of it with clothes and her long hair. She looked like she had been beaten over and over again over the past month. Even her eye and jaw had small bruises that had healed. Who did this to her? Then I saw the cuts. They were worse in the florescent lighting. Those were definitely on purpose.

Harvey looked pale at the sight of her. “Okay, here, see if she has any emergency contacts on her phone. I’m going to get fluids into her. Aside from that, looks like all of this was from previous incidents.” and he closed the curtain leaving shane in the little area next to the room. She didn’t have but a few contacts saved. One of them was Daniel, as I selected his contact I noticed the number had been blocked. The picture of him was a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes, the athletic type. Looked like a general douchebag. A text came in from a random number.

“What the fuck? You think you can just run away from me? Restraining order is just a piece of paper. I’ll find you. I know you’re probably shacked up with some scumbag, you whore. Not even your father wanted you, your mom died and its your fault. You’ll never find anyone better than me.” It read. That had to be him. The whiskey helped fill me with rage, I typed the number into my phone and left to the lobby to call it.

It rang a couple of times before a condescending voice answered,

“Come crawling back already psycho? You should’ve done a better job at trying to off yourself bitc-”

I cut him off, “Don’t contact her ever again. Or I’ll fucking kill you.” I hung up. And blocked the number. Why was I doing this? She was practically a stranger to me now.

I shook my head and left her phone with Harvey. I needed to sleep. I’d have Marnie call Harvey tomorrow to check on her. I looked at her one last time before I left, I remembered we’d have sleep overs, and she still slept curled up on her side.

I went home and told Marnie, she shook her head.

“I’m sorry, Shane. I should’ve told you. Her father deserted her, he mother fell into drinking and killed herself. Evie found her when she was 18. Her grandfather died the same year. She has no one. I don’t know why she has bruises, but I suspect thats why she came here so far away from the city. Please be kind to her. ” She looked worried.

“I-I...... yoba. I had no idea. She hadn’t-” I said then Marnie interuppted me.

“She didn’t come here probably because I wanted to run away from whoever hurt her that bad.”

I hardly slept that night, I got up for work in the morning and looked at the clinic on my way.

I’m so sorry Evie. I need a fucking drink.

#sdv #shane x farmer #stardew valley fanfiction #stardew valley #stardew #shane stardew #shane fanfiction #fanfic #fanfiction #series #writer #stories #angst #TW #read with caution

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flatstarcarcosa · 3 years

Note

Reese... i am absolutely clueless but i don't WANT to be. so. please explain to me who Zaeed is. i wanna know everything. what's his story. where is he from. what does he do. what is he like. literally use this as an excuse to talk about him at length and also tell me how he came into your life, pls and thank u!!! -heavenshipped

@heavenshipped

he's an old pissy mercenary with a fucked up face, a fat ass, and one good eyeball.

"isn't that just slade?" you may be thinking and the answer to that is........

no, but actually, yes.

also there do be light mentions of drugs and general Junkie ShenanigansTM below

he's a dlc squadmate that shows up in mass effect 2. unfortunately being dlc means there's a lot of content and ideas that were originally cut, and there's not as many dynamic conversations w him as there are with others. he's also not romanceable but it works for selfshipping because any of the romanceable characters (and one other who isn't) are too tied to my shepards for me to ship with them.

i've actually been Looking Respectfully for a while but it was before i started selfshipping so i didn't really do much aside from curse bioware and the home of phobia of not letting us romance him.

i'm still fleshing out the details of our ship but i'm thinking i grew up on earth, it was inherently BadTM so i jumped at the first chance to hit up a colony. it did not go any better, and i just spent a lot of time hopping from place to place, causing mild chaos and abusing Many, Many substances.

when we do meet it's because i was running a con/hustle to get some quick credits, and zaeed thought i was a Literal Child that was about to Get Murdered by some pissed off aliens and intervened. i lost out on my money marks, he discovered i was actually An Adult and it left us in an awkward position of 'well, what now?'

for reasons he cannot immediately parse, he decides to give me a place to crash, initially just temporarily. we're having a grand ol time when i suddenly inform him mid sentence that i may have Taken Too Much and proceed to hit the floor and have a mild drug induced seizure in the middle of his kitchen.

for reasons he also cannot parse, he decides against his initial thought of dumping me in an alley and instead locks me in his bathroom and proceeds to detox my ass after he digs through my bag and sees just how many drugs i have on me.

(later on we pointedly ignore any medical professional who comments that detoxing someone in this way is dangerous as hell and you're more likely to kill them anything else because like. we know. it was fine. move on, we sure did.)

i spend the first three and a half days beating on the bathroom door and telling him all the ways i'm gonna eviscerate him if he doesn't open the door and give me my fucking shit back.

all total it takes about 10 days to clean me out, with him opening the bathroom long enough to make sure i'm at least drinking fluids if i won't eat. withdrawal kills your appetite, and makes you prone to puking for no reason.

the 11th day, i'm sitting at the table in the kitchen of the shitty rental apartment on whatever crappy colony we're on while he scrambles eggs and fries bacon and i ask him why the hell he bothered with any of this.

"beats me," he says. "i'm normally not one for doing anything that doesn't have a payoff in the end."

"i guess it beats waking up behind a dumpster again," i say.

after that we kind of just fall into a natural rhythm with each other, a weirdly comfortable fit despite his usual aversion to others and my inherent skittishness around them.

it takes a while for him to think about it, to realize that maybe it was just the timing of everything. maybe even he of all people was tired of never being able to put anything back into the galaxy. maybe the way i just calmly announced 'oh shit, i'm ODing again', with more annoyance and exhaustion in my voice than panic just stuck out to him. made him think of all the people he's run into before, lost and strung out and on their own.

all of them dead or dying and none of them knowing it yet.

maybe he just wanted to know if he could even keep someone alive, rather than being a walking curse and death sentence for anyone he meets.

maybe he was just lonely, and figured i was too.

he never really settles on one single answer that seems like it fits, and after a while, he figures it doesn't matter. what happened, happened.

and more importantly, it happened exactly the way it needed to, and thats all that really matters.

by the time the events of ME2 start, and commander shepard comes to recruit zaeed, i'm figuring him and i have been together about 5-7 years.

after the events of me2 and 3, and after the reaper war is over, zaeed uses his money he's been hoarding all these years and we buy a plot of land of bekenstein. the only thing on it is a dock on a lake that needs some TLC.

we build a two story cabin bit by bit, and zaeed of course builds a weapons bunker underneath, "just in case". there's a porch on the second story, a hot tub in the back yard, and a fireplace in the living room.

he spends the mornings drinking coffee and watching the sunrise, and the evenings with scotch and a cigar, watching it set, and every time he's amazed the both of us lived long enough to get to settle into something as mundane as this.

there's also stuff obviously related to me2 and 3 that i'm fleshing out of course.

also, this is some of the best content of the whole game and it's a simple fact.

also related to the above video:

i have a cheap ass, well worn, purple plush krogan toy that probably ended up costing him as much as a case of heat sinks and a whole fucking box of other prizes from the same claw machine.

oh!

we both got drunk one time and ended up at a vegas style space chapel, and neither of us have any recollection about it. he doesn't even know until he's visiting the citadel one day and the citadel tourism VI has his name hyphenated to massani-wilson.

"fuckin wot did you just call me?" "records indicate you and reese wilson-massani were married three years ago at-" "the goddamn hell we were-" "-Slicky Rickys Love Shack" "oh goddamn it. well, that explains the matching rings."

i also love the idea this comes out after shepard's recruited him, and shepard is just like

"wait you two have had matching ring for three years and didn't wonder what it was about?" "reese gets sentimental about weird shit, i figured it was just that." "well, cerberus didn't hire you for your critical thinking skills, i guess." "keep talkin' shepard and you'll be learning to do it out your arse." "i do that well enough already." "fair enough."

#txt.txt #*asks #ship: stubborn goddamn jackasses #drugs tw #im also not entirely sure how hyphenated names really work i just like the idea for this and reelix our original names #are first and the married name second. also god i sure hope this doesn't show up in the tumblr search hhghghfhf #if it does: please be nice i'm just minding my own business

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exhaustedauthor · 4 years

Text

Spreading like Poison Ch. 3

Hello hello my friends! Been a while, hasnt it?! Heres the next chapter, and watch out for self harm in between the hyphens at the end, please. Also arguments that escalate quickly and arent paced properly! Please also note that Janus is the victim in this story. Ch. 1 Ch. 2

Remus and Roman were wrestling on the floor when Janus and Virgil came down stairs. Virgil immediately got on the defensive, seeing Roman in a chokehold with Remus smiling good naturedly.

Virgil pried Remus off Roman, who fell to the floor, half laughing.

“Remus! You dont choke people!”

Remus giggled. “I know, especially not in front of buff frog daddy~”

Virgil screeched, lunging over and covering Patton's ears. “Stop that! You're going to corrupt him with your sick shit!”

Janus watched in mild bemusement. He learned that the others stopped worrying about cussing in front of Patton after hearing him say ‘FUCK’ after dropping a block of cheese on the ground.

Remus was slowing down his happy wiggles, which he did in a play arguments. “Corrupt him?! ExcUSE ME-”

Virgil took his hands off Patton's ears to jab Remus in the chest. “Yes, corruption, just like how you corrupted Romans brain so he split with you!”

Remus glared at him. “SHUT UP! PATTON DID THAT, SORRY TO BREAK IT TO YOU-”

“DON'T SAY A WORD ABOUT PATTON! HE DID NOTHING WRONG!”

“Oh, gee, sorry, I just realised that you’re a selfish jerk who only cares about the ‘perfects’ now,” Remus said sarcastically.

“Thats not true and you fucking know it.” Virgil growled in his tempest tongue.

“Oh, I know alright! I know Janus kicked you out for being selfish and toxic and unsympathetic!” Remus howled, pushing Virgil backwards.

Virgils breath hitched, and he shoved past Janus going up the stairs.

Romans frown turned into a glare that he directed at Janus.

Patton also gave him a disapproving look. “Is this true?”

Remus sucked in a breath, leaning away from everyone.

Patton stepped forward. “Answer me. Did you kick Virgil out, or not.”

Janus blinked. “Yes, but-”

“Get out,” Roman snapped.

“But-”

“GET OUT!” Roman pulled out his katana and pointed it at Janus.

He stormed up to his own room, slamming his door. Something felt off, but he couldn't place what. Grabbing one of his many snake plushies, he shook it furiously.

"Idiot!! Remussss really doessssnt know when to shut hissss mouth!!" He told Helix.

She didnt reply. He didnt expect her to.

He sighed. He shakily took off his gloves, inspecting his hands.

As soon as Janus scratched one of his scales, a cold peirce of fear shot through him, and he sat straight up, looking around.

A knock sounded on his door and he scrambled for his gloves. "C-coming! Just a moment!" He hated the tremble in his voice, but he was just too shaken to properly do anything about it.

He opened the door to see the others. Remus had his arm slightly raised, so Janus assumed he was the one who knocked. He looked somber for once. "Yes??" He purred, leaning against the door to hide how his legs were shaking.

Patton looked like he was the most shaken, but he still sounded mad when he spoke. "You're going to apologize."

"To who? You guys? Ha! Sweetie, I dont do apologies."

Patton grabbed his arm and dragged him out to be face to face. Despite both being the same height as the two shortest, Janus felt small under the Moral sides stare. "Not to me, you jerk, to Virgil. And we're here to make sure you dont hurt him worse than you have."

That hurt. "I'm offended, do you really think I would hurt Virgil? We're dating, may I remind you."

"Yes. Yes I do think you would hurt him. Ever heard of abusive relationships?" Roman growled, making a sick, mocking sneer.

That took him by surprise, so Patton used the opportunity to drag him to Virgils door.

"Now make it right." Patton snapped.

Still half in a stupor, he knocked on the door. "V-virgil? Its Janus." He called. "Hey, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. Can I come in?"

No reply.

"Well, I tried." He stepped back, but then paused when Logan held his arm out.

“Stop.” Logan studied the door for a moment, then knocked swiftly. “Virgil? Is everything satisfactory?”

A small whimper seemed to come out from under the door.

“Virgil, are you all right in there? Kiddo, answer!” Patton pleaded, all traces of anger gone.

Roman tried the door, seeming calm and collected. Then again, he was an actor. The door swung open, and Janus was horrified.

----

Blood was coating the floor, clinging to carpets and pillows. And Virgil was in a pool of it.

Janus was the first one to react, stumbling forward and hitting the ground on his knees, ignoring the feeling of blood soaking into the knee of his pants. “No no no no, Virgil, no!” Janus took Virgils head in his hands and stroked his hair.

Virgil opened his eyes a slit, and Janus could see how glassy hollow they were.

He didnt see much else though, since Patton shoved him away so he could kneel in front of Virgil.

“My baby, what happened?!” Patton sobbed.

“R.. Remus reminded me about.. About how Jannie kicked me out… and… it was just- it was just too much to know that he probably actually does hate me and I am so toxic and so fucking selfish and I just- I cant- I couldn’t handle it anymore! And I know how you guys must hate me and I’m so sorry I’m just a fucking burden on all of you guys, you shouldn;t have to deal with me and I-” he choked. “I understand if you dont accept me anymore-” He broke off, cryin, and Patton cradled his head to his chest.

Roman stood over them all while Logan attended to several cuts up Virgil's right arm. In a split second, almost like someone had flipped a switch, Roman turned to Janus and yelled, “LOOK WHAT YOU DID, DECEIT!”

Remus didn’t say a word.

-----

The only thing Janus could think about when he ran out was Remus’s cold, angry eyes staring silently at him from the doorway.

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ardentaislinn · 4 years

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Yuletide Letter 2020

Hi! I am also ardentaislinn on AO3. Thank you so much for volunteering to write one of my chosen fandoms! I really can’t wait to see what you come up with. Most importantly, I hope you have fun writing whichever of my fandoms it is. Any suggestions I make here are optional.

Here you’ll find:

My general likes

My DNWs

And prompts for the following fandoms:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2 (2020) - Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

Stranger | 비밀의 숲 - Hwang Si Mok, Han Yeo Jin

Kingdom | 킹덤 - Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018) - Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

A quick note on the Korean names - I’m fine with however you choose to transliterate them. Hyphen/no hyphen, Shi Mok/Si Mok, etc. Just do what you are comfortable with and I’ll adjust no problem. No need to add the honourifics, though

My likes:

I love getting together fics most of all. I love almost every kind of trope (fake dating, slow burn, rivals-to-lovers, “unrequited” pining (that is really requited), found families, etc.) Also, casefic, epistolary fic, consent, forbidden pleasures, beta heroes, bed sharing, masquerades, military kink, physical imperfections, ladies being badass and female relationships (whether romantic or friendship), relationships that build tension before exploding, equal relationships, trapped together, competence, communication, U/RST, positive endings.

You may notice from the below that my ships mostly involve sweet and occasionally broken men being head over heels for awesome ladies, (and usually not feeling worthy). So that dynamic is strongly encouraged.

I also like smut, but it certainly isn’t a necessity. For smut, I’m (sadly) fairly vanilla. But I like light bondage, cunnilingus, shower sex, and accidental/consensual voyeurism, (Particularly guys taking matters into their own hands when they think they can’t be with their lady, and the woman stumbling across him mid-act. Possibly my favourite kink ever? Writer’s choice whether the woman joins in or gets embarrassed)

Happy endings (or at least hopeful endings) are preferred. Like, super, super preferred. I don’t mind angst at all, but it kinda has to be on the way out of the darkness by the end.

Dislikes/DNWs:

Miserable endings. Major character death. Baby/Pregnancy fic. Humiliation. Drug use/drug mentions/addiction. Self harm/abuse. Non-con/rape. Heavy kink. A/B/O. M-Preg. Incest. Bestiality, animal harm etc. Underage sexual content. 1st person POV (unless for epistolary). Not big on high school AUs or Rock band AUs. Unbalanced power dynamics in ships without acknowledging/exploring that. (This effects one particular ship below, which I’ll discuss in more detail in the fandom section).

I think that’s it?

And so, to the fandoms, in no particular order:

Peninsula: Train to Busan 2

Jung Seok, Min Jung, Joon Yi, Yoo Jin

While maybe objectively not as good a film as the first one, I still enjoyed the hell out of it. Given that it was essentially a cross between Escape From New York and Mad Max, what isn’t to love? I loved the expansion of the world and the clever uses of zombies in the chase scenes. And I loved that the message was that being logical and self-sacrificing isn’t always the right choice - sometimes you should be driven by heart and empathy. And I really liked the idea that anything can mean happiness when you love and are loved in return - particularly in regards to Joon Yi, but also Jung Seok (and his found family?).

What would interest me the most in this fandom is post-movie fics. But if you wanna do a canon divergent/au thing, I’d be cool with that, too. Some prompts:

Joon Yi struggles a lot more than her sister to readjust to a “normal” life

In order to stay together after being rescued, Jung Seok and Min Jung have to pretend to be married

After four long years of loneliness, Min Jung just wants to be touched

Jung Seok isn’t surprised to find himself in love with Min Jung - and wanting to be a father to her girls - but is he good enough for them? He’s left them behind once - can he forgive himself? Can Min Jung?

The zombie plague escapes from Korea - and Jung Seok, Min Jung, and her girls are the closest thing to experts on how to fight back and contain it that the authorities have. Will their nightmare never be over? Or is this a chance to end it once and for all?

With Min Jung in hospital while her leg heals, Jung Seok suddenly finds himself a surrogate father to two very unruly girls.

Stranger | 비밀의 숲

Han Yeo Jin, Hwang Si Mok

This show is just so good, and Si Mok and Yeo Jin - and their relationship - is a big part of that. He’s logical and doesn’t feel things the way most other people do, but that doesn’t mean he’s given a free pass to be an asshole. He’s a good man who always does what’s right. And Yeo Jin is just as smart as he is, and equally committed to doing what’s right, but in a different way. They make a perfect team.

I love how much they absolutely, completely, trust and respect each other. Si Mok cares about her as much as he is capable - probably more so than he cares about anyone else. There isn’t any drama or jealousy or anything like that in their relationship. They are both practical adults. But it doesn’t mean they don’t have a deep bond. I do ship these two - and would love getting together fic if you can!

Prompts:

Yeo Jin will probably have a tough time of it from now on. How will Si Mok support her through it?

How will Yeo Jin and Si Mok keep in touch now that he’s moved away again? Late night phone calls that slowly become more intimate? Texts or emails (epistolary style)?

In the last episode, there was a hint that Si Mok had a prophetic dream. What if he really did develop a power? And Yeo Jin was the only one he trusted with the truth?

What if Yeo Jin and Si Mok had to travel somewhere for an investigation - and there’s only one bed…

Si Mok isn’t incapable of noticing when a woman is attracted to him. But what if that woman is Yeo Jin? Do they try to make a friends-with-benefits arrangement work? Or do they like each other two much for that?

Everyone already knows Yeo Jin and Si Mok are close - but why do their friends suddenly think they are dating? What’s changed? And how do they stop the rumours - without disappointing all the friends who were hoping they’d finally become a couple?

Yeo Jin had drunk one too many shots of soju and thought she might never see Si Mok again - so she’d jumped his bones and snuck out before he woke, full of regrets. But what happens now they have to work a case together again?

Feel free to bring in the other characters, too, as long as Yeo Jin and Si Mok remain the focus! I love the various dynamics they have with the people around them.

Kingdom | 킹덤

Prince Lee Chang, Seo Bi

Like with Si Mok and Yeo Jin above, so much of what I like about these two is that they are great characters separately - but work so well together as a team. They trust each other. He has great faith in her abilities and respects her so much. And she is loyal to him and respects him in return because she knows he’s a good man and a good leader.

I also love how the show uses both politics and horror elements, both to best advantage. It’s so well-written and compelling.

Now, I can see how this ship skirts close to my “no unbalanced power differentials in relationships” DNW, since he’s a prince, and she’s very much not royalty, so I thought I would clarify my position on this. I would most like fic set after he gives up his place in the royal family, since I think that mitigates basically all the issues. Even though I don’t think he would have intentionally abused his power over her, and Seo Bi was never particularly deferential to him, it still would have effected the relationship. Now that they are on more equal footing, there may be some lingering, residual issues surrounding this, but I feel like it’s at the level of bringing some interesting angst into the equation without feeling icky, if that makes sense.

Prompts:

Lee Chang and Seo Bi are somehow transported into modern day Korea. How will they adapt?

Both Lee Chang and Seo Bi have seen horrifying things - and they have the nightmares to prove it. How do they help each other through?

I feel like there are a million stories you could tell within the time jump at the end of the second season. Seo Bi and Lee Chang are travelling together, but no doubt keeping their mission to find the resurrection plant a secret. Are they pretending to be married? Is there anything Lee Chang has to adjust to now that he’s no longer, technically, the crown prince? How are they making money? Is Seo Bi hiring out her medicinal knowledge, while Lee Chang sells his sword? How far will they go to find the answers they seek?

The properties of the resurrection plant are still largely unknown. What horrors will they have to face next, now that another outbreak is looming?

Lee Chang decides that Seo Bi needs formal fight training - and takes it upon himself to teach her.

What moments of levity can they find together amongst the horrors?

Lee Chang knows he shouldn’t think of Seo Bi in that way - they are colleagues, and despite everything he is still from a royal family. He needs her too much to risk everything because of his desire. But oh, how he wants her…

Illang: The Wolf Brigade | 인랑 (2018)

Im Joong Kyung, Lee Yoon Hee | Kim Seo Hee

So much about this movie is absolutely my jam. The action scenes, the exploration of what desperation can drive people to, the unclear loyalties that are slowly revealed. That whole sequence when they first meet and spend time together is like a distillation of so many of my favourite things. He sees her and is just instantly gone on her. And she for him. And from then on it’s just a quiet, intense longing between them. They are so aware of each other, every sense drawn towards the other. But he’s so broken, and he sees himself as more animal than man. And it’s revealed that she has equally deep wounds, too.

An argument can be made that at least some of it was an act, of course. They were both trying to deceive each other after all. But I think it’s pretty obvious that there were real feelings there, particularly because she tries to warn him that he’s walking into a trap, and he comes back to save her. Maybe even they don’t know how deep their feelings go, or the other’s feelings, but the audience knows.

And yet...I’ve seen it twice now, and the ending is still no clearer to me. Like, is he dead? It doesn’t seem like it, since both she and her brother saw him at the train station. But maybe he’s like a guardian angel now? And if he’s not dead, where did the shot come from? A hidden gun? The sniper? And most importantly of all, if he’s not dead...why aren’t they together??? Like, aren’t all the potential impediments to their relationship gone by that point?

So, I guess most of all I would like fic that makes more sense than that ending - preferably by giving them the happy ending they deserve.

Prompts:

Joong Kyung watches over Yoon Hee from the shadows - but she always knows he’s there. How can she convince him to come into the light, and back into her life?

Yoon Hee’s brother gets himself into trouble, and the only person she can turn to for help is a man she hasn’t seen in too long - Joong Kyung.

Joong Kyung now walks the line between the living and the dead, but he can’t stay away from Yoon Hee. (Paranormal/magic AU?)

Has there been too many lies between them to make a relationship work? Neither think they are worthy of the other, but when they are pulled back together (to give evidence for an official inquiry?) they can’t quite keep their distance.

Joong Kyung is on the run, and he doesn’t know who to trust - except the one woman he’s never forgotten.

Misunderstandings and lies abound between them - but what happens when they are trapped together and must wait for rescue?

If you don’t want to do a post-canon fic, how about canon divergence? What would have happened if the phone hadn’t rung in that warehouse at that moment? Might Yoon Hee have told herself that she could use her body to prove her loyalty to him? And might Joong Kyung have told himself that it couldn’t hurt to succumb - that it didn’t mean anything?

I think that’s everything. Thank you so much!

#yuletide 2020 #yuletide letter 2020

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williamismyhomeboy · 4 years

Text

Interview from www.popmusicfan.com 2005

If you only choose one new band to listen to this year, don't let it be anyone other than The Academy Is. With a brand new debut CD out on Fueled by Ramen records and a tour with labelmates Fall Out Boy and Gym Class Heroes, this band is ready to show everyone that they take their music seriously -- but still have fun while doing it. We hung out with lead singer William Beckett on the April 14th stop of their tour and somehow braved the freezing Florida weather.

How's the tour going so far? William: Well, the tour has been pretty spectacular so far. This is our first tour having had the record out and it's been really overwhelming, the response from people and from the other bands as well. We're good friends with all the bands on tour, we didn't know Silverstein until like two days ago, but they're really cool guys. But yeah, it's been great, I miss Midtown... but there's always next time. If you had to choose three bands for the ultimate tour, either to go see or to play with, who would you choose and why? William: Fleetwood Mac because I love Fleetwood Mac, they're one of the great rock bands that did it in a pop way, in a really classy way, too. Led Zepplin.. to go see or to go play with? Jennifer: Either one. William: Oh, yeah, it'd be the same anyway. Pink Floyd, I wouldn't want Pink Floyd because it'd be bad to play with them, they're just too conceptionally profound. Their show is far too extravagant, we'd look like amateurs. Jennifer: Well, if you were just going to see them... William: Oh, yeah, so Pink Floyd. What are your pet peeves about the other guys in the band? William: I've never been asked this before, this is interesting. Yeah, there's a lot. It's a cool thing about being in the band, you never spend that much time with anyone ever. Even married couples don't spend that much time together and that's not even just one on one, that's seven or eight dudes sleeping on a bus. So yeah, we have our differences, just being different people, having different personalities. One day we'll be in a bad mood, one day we'll be in a good mood, one day someone will smell bad and we won't, you know... But for the most part, it's a really brotherly love/hate relationship like most brothers and sisters. For us, we're like a family, the way that we sort of stick it through, for the most part. If you found out you were adopted and you had two celebrities as your birth parents, who would you want them to be and why? William: Wow, I haven't been asked these questions before, this is really cool. If I found out I was adopted... do they have to be like during the same time? Jennifer: Nope, whoever. William: For a mom, I'd probably go with Audrey Hepburn and I'd probably go with... this is tough. I should pick someone like Abe Lincoln or someone crazy. Yeah, I'm gonna pick George Bush. Jennifer: Which one? William: GW, I'm gonna pick GW. Jennifer: Do you like Bush? William: I don't want to talk about it. But his kids seem to have a good time. [everyone laughs] Jennifer: True! William: Right? So there we are.

What's the most embarrassing CD you have in your collection? William: Well, I have a lot of guilty pleasures, stuff most people would think is like, 'What?' Like Rod Stewart and Prince, a lot of stuff that you guys probably don't like or listen to. But my first hip hop CD that I ever bought was Ginuwine so bad. Jennifer: That's not that bad, it could be worse! William: No way, that's so bad, that's so terribly bad. Jennifer: What about Sisqo or something? William: Well, that's... wait, is that you? Jennifer: No! [everyone laughs] Well, I do have his CD, but it's from like seventh grade! William: Yeah, Ginuwine... well, Sisqo's probably worse. But at any rate, I'm a big opera fan, too. That's not really an embarrassing thing, but yeah. Jennifer: Have you seen Phantom of the Opera? William: Yeah! Jennifer: Was it good? William: Uh, no. I've seen the actual opera before... Jennifer: I did, too! On Broadway? William: Yeah! And it's amazing, I was raised on the Andrew Lloyd Webber performance disc and then I saw the movie and it was cool, but they changed some lines and it was just really Hollywood. The singing wasn't great, all the actors actually sang so it was cool but they just didn't do it very well, I don't think. Who's the most famous person that you have in your cell phone? William: Probably, like... I don't like name dropping. Jennifer: You can do it, we'll forgive you. William: [laughs] I should make a joke... Pete Wentz, and that's a joke, but Pete's getting pretty famous. That I actually talk to? Jennifer: Um... yeah. Or do you have any random people in there that you just got from a friend or anything? William: Yeah, I have Jakob Dylan's number but I never use it. I have, I don't know, I don't really look for famous peoples' numbers but the most famous person I have is probably Lyor Cohen, you probably don't know who he is. He owns Warner Brothers and Electra and Atlantic. He's like a multi-billionaire and he's one of the coolest guys in the world. I've met a lot of label people before but yeah, he's probably the most admirable one. If you had to describe yourself in five words, which ones would you choose? William: Myself? I'm really bad with self description, I'm really good with self reflection and creation and song writing and things like that, but actually flat out 'this is who I am?' Honest, passionate, polite, moderately-conservative... hyphenated! And, uh, sexual. Jennifer: Oh, that's a good one! Just kidding. William: I'm actually kidding, that wouldn't be my top five. Jennifer: None of them? William: No! None of them wouldn't except for sexual. Kidding once again, there we are! There we are, just joking. So there's my four. What's the biggest purchase that you've made since getting signed and everything? William: Other than my laptop... uh, yeah, it's my new Mac G4, I don't know I feel like a nerd talking about it. But yeah, my new laptop, probably. I try to conserve, to save my money, I don't really like to spend it on a lot of things. What are one of your favorite lyrics from one of your songs? William: It's really hard because... I think you'd have to take each song for it's whole, the song in it's whole is the work, you know what I mean? But I guess in the bridge of "Down and Out," I don't know if you know which song that is, but that song is the closest to me personally. The bridge is really cool and really close to me and all of our friends, just because we name dropped all of our good friends who really helped us and who we wouldn't be here without, and a bunch of records that we were influenced by during the writing process. Like, uh, Johnny and Tony, if you know the lyrics, they started a small record label called LLR and we had our EP on there. I had a solo project in high school.. Jennifer: Wasn't that Remember Maine? William: Yeah! Wow! You did your homework. So that was sort of like the moment in my life where I was making the decision to do music versus going to school, and no one believed in me really except for me and Johnny and Tony. It was a little bit later on that Tony came into the picture but Johnny was and is my best friend and the reason why I'm here, so he helped us get our foot into the door and we've sort of had this success since then which surpassed what they did for us. But we kind of took them with us, like now Johnny is head of retail at Fueled by Ramen. We were like, 'Hey, Fueled by Ramen, this dude is awesome, pick him up!' And Tony is our tour manager, on tour with us, so it's great, it's awesome. That's pretty much the bridge. Jennifer: We were kind of talking about that last night, about how random all the names are and stuff? We were wondering about that. William: Well the song sort of starts with this story about domestic abuse and escaping and getting away from something that you're afraid of or harmed by, it's sort of really dark. But the whole essence of the song, we didn't want to just focus on that, we wanted to focus on the ups and downs of life and growing up. The second verse says a lot about that growth process and friends and coming to that realization that most of your friends in high school, you're going to have to say goodbye to relatively soon and that's something that's hard for everybody I think, to say goodbye to anyone, be it death or be it whatever someone chooses or ends up having have happen to them. But for us it's not about like finding a dark corner and hiding and blaming other people and getting angry and aggressive, it's about accepting darker times and sort of welcoming those things when they happen, you know, to better understand and appreciate the great things in your life and the people that love you. Are you okay? Jolene: Uh huh! William: You're just cold, aren't you? Do you want my jacket? Jolene: No, it's okay. William: Are you sure? Jolene: Yeah, I'm fine! William: So yeah, for us it was really fitting to make the song about more than just that instance, you know, to make it a little more well-rounded so that was just, yeah.

What's something that people would be surprised to learn about the band? William: Probably our seriousness and what we're trying to accomplish. We have a lot of fun, we do, we indulge but our main scope isn't to be a big band and get famous and get chicks, or to get drunk and do drugs and be like this icon. Like, no one will tell you that unless they're just straight up rockstars, but for us, we really want to help people and change the world in the smallest way or globally and that's really what our end of the road goal is. To transcend age, to transcend sex, to transcend race, to transcend languages. Bands like U2, bands like Pink Floyd and bands that I was talking about earlier, bands that shaped generations and shaped people. It's like, 'You're playing these indie tours, you're playing to these young kids, how are you supposed to change the world?' But for me, I see that as an opportunity also. I also want to appeal to older crowds, I want to appeal to people our age, or maybe people that are a little bit older, like twenty-six, twenty-seven years-old and I think that our record does and will once they hear it. But for the future, as we expand and grow and as our minds grow and as our musicianship and our scope and those things grow, we want to be one of those bands that can make a difference and can help people. We want to be that band that you saw when you were fourteen, like our parents loved the Beatles or whoever when they were fourteen years old and they still love them today, and they're like fifty or sixty years-old. That's the band that we're going to be, because we're going to be the band or the songwriters that stick with the generations. I think the way you do that is being fucking straight up honest and genuine and unselfish. If you write about things that are self-loathing and very trendy and very high school angst, those are the people you're going to appeal to and that's it. You know, your mom's not going to listen to a band that sings about slitting their own throat or hanging themselves or crappy metaphors that are in like, Goosebumps books, you know? I think being genuine and honest and smart and unselfish and really looking at the world in a different light... if you have a minute, I try to do this exercise every morning. I think about people's minds, in this example let's think about the musician or whoever that's on a label that's writing these lyrics, okay? I sort of think of their creative mind as a room and let's take one of these singers that sings about one of these things like self-loathing or slitting wrists or something. So they're in this room and it's totally dark, and they have this candle in front of them and it's creating this light that they can only see like three inches in front of their face. They can only relate to those three inches in front of them which is their own little isolation bubble where they can't relate to anything beyond that because they don't know it exists. So they're so wrapped in themselves, writing about how much life sucks and how much it's unfair and about how much they've been mistreated. Or also things that are very self-righteous, like, 'I'm the best, this is how you do it,' things like that. There are those people everywhere, they're in high schools, they're parenting children, they're on their death beds... they're everywhere, you know? These people, I think, especially these artists are too wrapped up in themselves to realize that there might be a wall behind them with a light switch and if you flip that switch there's this whole room around you that illuminates. And for me, that's the world around me, that's everything. That's this tree, that's you guys, that's my family back home, that's this show, these people that are here, the people that are staying at this hotel. It's how it's cold and you're cold and I'm sorry that you're cold, you know? It's the world around you. Every morning I try to wake up and turn on the light, I try to turn on my creative room light to make sure that I'm always viewing the world in the way. I think if more people did that, a lot of things could change for people in their own lives and in other people's lives. That's one of the main things that I'm trying to convey, especially in our newest stuff that we're writing for the next record, so yeah, that's sort of something that people probably don't know about me or us. Jennifer: You're awesome, I decided that. Just now. What's the strangest voicemail or answering message that you've ever received? William: Received? I've given a lot of crazy ones. Probably the strangest one I've ever received... man, it's on the spot, you got me again. I'm tongue tied. Ohhh yeah, this is awesome! [everyone laughs] There was a point when I got a lot of prank calls when people hated me and stuff, it was that stupid, like... Jennifer: Jealousy? William: Kind of, but it was before I had really any success, it was just myself going for what I believed in. Since I was doing something different and not going for a screamo band or something, so it was a big deal when I was playing an acoustic guitar and singing melodies, so it was like 'What the hell?' It was a big uproar. So I got like crazy ones like, 'You're a faggot, you should kill yourself,' stuff like that. Jennifer: That's so mean! Jolene: That's terrible! William: Yeah, but it's awesome, though. No, for real! It's so funny, I know for a fact that that person has grown up and has seen me live by example and that I went for my dream and it's totally paid off, and it's going to pay off in the future more fruitfully than ever. Instead of me feeling anger and being like, 'Fuck that guy, I hope he's burning in Hell' or whatever, I hope that he realized that the way that he was living and the fear that he had about being his own person, I hope that he turned that around, so yeah, it's kind of funny. Jennifer: What about one of the funny ones that you've left people? William: Oh, man, there were some nights that I just called people singing crazy songs that I totally made up at four in the morning, I don't even know, man. I can't really get into too much detail, there were some wild ones. I do voices, I'll be like, 'Hey, yo-a, it's Johnny from over at Auto Repairing, I got your car and it's looking sweet.' [everyone laughs] I have this British voice and this gay voice and some other shit and it's hilarious, I would leave people messages like that and not tell them who I am. What's the last movie that you saw? William: Last movie? Oh, man, that's bad, that's terrible. I had a journal that I write on the website and I actually just talked about this. I'm on this weird horror movie kick right now, and I'm into crappy old horror movies right now. Not even old, like eighties or nineties. I don't recommend them to anyone, it's like Pet Sematary and From Dusk Til Dawn. Well that's like a Quentin Tarantino movie so that's actually a good movie, but the last movie I actually watched was House of 1000 Corpses. [everyone laughs] Jennifer: Oh, God. Jolene: Did you like that? William: I think it's great! For two reasons, alright. One, it's not original by any stretch of the imagination as far as a horror film, it's like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets something vile, you know. It's basically like Texas Chainsaw Massacre meets a strip club, that's what that movie is. But, BUT-- Jennifer: Oh, I want to hear the but, because I don't think there's any defending this movie. [everyone laughs] William: The way that the movie is edited and the way that the movie is shot, with the color contrast and the way that it looks is just fucking phenomenal. I think the movie is so cool purely because of the way that it looks and because of the cinematography of it, but I'm just a geek like that, those are the kinds of things I look for. But if we're talking about movies that are actually good, go buy Big Fish, it's a great movie. Jennifer: Is it good? I heard that it's really depressing. William: Did you? No way. Jennifer: I work at a video store and that's what everyone's told me, I haven't watched it. William: But those people that told you that mind be those people-- Jennifer: Oh, the close minded ones, yeah. William: The people with the light off! If you watch that movie it's so cool because it seriously confronts some issues like death and memories and relationships being parents and fathers and mothers and their children. I thought it was a really heartwarming movie, especially at the end. It's not this cheese fucking Hollywood ending that everyone wishes would happen but doesn't, you know, but yeah I think it's a great movie. Jennifer: Have you seen I Heart Huckabees? William: I have not, yet. Jennifer: It seems like a movie you'd like. William: I'm sure I would like it. Jennifer: It's kinda like, off the wall, it seems like one you'd like. William: My girlfriend got it and said that it was pretty cool and I'd probably like it. Yeah, I should probably get it. Jennifer: Yeah, I didn't like it that much. William: You didn't? Jennifer: I like my stupid girly movies. William: Like what? Like what? Jennifer:: Like, have you seen the Notebook? William:: I haven't seen that one yet! Jennifer: What?! It's so good. You will cry, I bet. William: I'm one of those dudes that cries in movies, like seriously. Jennifer: Everyone cries in that movie! William: Dude, I even cried in, this is so embarrassing, I even cried in A Walk to Remember. Jolene: Oh, I cried in that one. Jennifer: That movie is so sad! William: I cried like seven times in that movie ALONE, I was alone! I have a huge crush on Mandy Moore, too, like a Hollywood Crush. Jennifer: That one was really sad. William: But at the same time, you know, it's also very... Jennifer: No. William: You don't think so? Jennifer: No! She should've lived. William: But she did through him! She changed. Jennifer: I know, I know! But wouldn't it have been better if she just lived forever? William: Well, it's not Hollywood. Jennifer: I know! What's in your pocket right now? William: Like, seventeen cents in change and a guitar pic, and that's it. Oh, and my cell phone is in my jacket, if that counts. Jennifer: It counts! William: These are cool questions! Did you make them up, too? Jolene: No. [laughs] William: Maybe you should let her make some up next time! Jennifer: I tried! I was like, 'Jolene, help me think of some questions.' She said, 'We're going to do it on the way there.' Two and a half hours later, oh no, no questions. [everyone laughs]

What's in your CD player right now? William: I have an I-Pod. Jennifer: Well what's on your I-Pod that you're listening to a lot lately? William: I'm just going to be difficult. No, I have an I-Pod, sorry. [everyone laughs] I listen to tapes, I don't even have a CD player. No, uh, what am I like loving right now? I'm loving Ryan Adams right now. I'm loving Muse. Jennifer: Oh, they're so good! William: I was on this huge Muse thing and I totally forgot about it and didn't listen to it for forever. I listened to them again today and I was like, AH! I was like, [does Italian voice] yes, yes, yes, this is so good. [everyone laughs] I'm listening to a lot of Radiohead, I'm always listening to Simon and Garfunkel, I'm a huge Simon and Garfunkel fan. Prince, I'm listening to a lot of Prince, a bit of Bowie. It's sort of today's little shuffle encompassed, so that was that. What's the last concert you've went to, other than one that you've played at? William: Damn... I was at South by Southwest but I didn't see any bands, I was just wandering throughout the streets. Last time I was at a show, watching bands... oh, yeah! it was an acoustic show in Chicago, it was Bob Nanna from Hey Mercedes and Justin Pierre from Motion City Soundtrack. They just played acoustic, it was really cool. What are some questions that you hate hearing in interviews? I probably should've asked you this at the beginning so I wouldn't have asked you any of them. William: [laughs] Yeah, right! There really aren't any questions that I really hate, I encourage tough questions. I enjoy people asking tough questions. Hard hitting questions or ones that are condescending because it's their right as journalists to ask those questions. I wouldn't ask somebody, 'What songs do you hate? And I won't write those.' No, I wouldn't ask anyone that, I would just write what I love and write what I want. So yeah, that's my answer. What's a question that you've been wanting an interviewer to ask you but they haven't? William: I haven't thought of one because with every interview, with a few exceptions, I've been asked new questions that I haven't heard before, like today for instance. That's enough for me to keep interested.

#the academy is #william beckett #2005 #interview #text #early 2005 #no specific date #mine

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heamatic-a · 4 years

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questions for authors.

Are there any rules you find difficult, grammatically speaking?

To be honest, I’m pretty sure I break all the grammatical rules ever within one sentence lol It’s been a long time since high school and delving into english classes. Most of what I know is on instinct these days, the same way I can make the distinct difference between words like your and you’re, there, their and they’re… Those are obvious but yeah, it’s just an example. I’m fairly certain I abuse the semi-colon and the hyphen WAY too much, but well, it’s become an integral part of my writing. I don’t really care if my sentence structure is acceptable to a scholar: I express myself the way I want and that’s that.

Do you prefer long or short sentences. Why?

I don’t really have a preference with sentence length. Sometimes I can write a whole sentence that will last three/four lines, other times I’ll put out a two word sentence. It highly depends on what I’m trying to convey at the time. Long sentences are good for in depth descriptions, even fight scenes, but then shorter sentences can also have an impact on the seriousness of the situation, or put emphasis on something specific. So it’s really all about the feel of the scene to me.

Do you enjoy your own writing, why or why not?

Oh boy that’s a heavy question. Do I enjoy my own writing? Not while I’m writing my reply no. I feel it’s too simple, like a fourth grader could create something so much better without much thinking. But then a few days later I come back to it, read through it and I’m like: I wrote this??? Suddenly it doesn’t seem so bad. But then I’m my own worst critic. I analyze everything and often feel like I’m not giving enough. I’m fairly certain it’s not the case, but it’s hard to get that idea out of my head. Yet sometimes I feel like my old writing from a couple of years back was so much better. Mm...

@shotbled

#shotbled #╰ *:･ﾟ❤ ──❝ e-mails ❞ ❪ asks. ❫#╰ *:･ﾟ❤ ──❝ a wild jester appears ❞ ❪ mun things. ❫#[ thank you for these questions! :D ]

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purplesurveys · 4 years

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778

Do you have unlimited texting? This is normally the case but because of the quarantine and school closing down, I’ve had no reason to keep texting people. But yeah, I used to get unlimited texting at the start of the week.

What are you listening to right now? I can hear my dad chopping in the background as he’s making dinner, and the dining room TV playing on my right.

Whose bed did you sleep on last night? My own. The first good sleep I’ve had in weeks, and I actually pulled out my blanket.

Have you ever slept a whole day away? I have but it’s very seldom. I hate wasting away a whole day, no matter how tired I was the day before.

Will you keep your last name when you get married? I’ll hyphenate so that I keep my middle initial and last name, and I’ll be able to get my new last name as well.

Do you think you’ll have the same best friend a year from now? Idk man, crucial times ahead what with growing up and the possibility of taking grand opportunities and stuff. For the first time ever I’m not so sure I’ll still keep the same friends I have now.

Have you ever thought about getting your tongue pierced? I’ve thought about it as a rebellious, angsty teen lol but I was never hell-bent on getting one. I remember leaning more towards a lip ring or nose stud.

Does it matter to you if your boyfriend/girlfriend smokes cigarettes? It used to until I realized that I didn’t want to be that girlfriend that prohibits my SO from doing stuff, so eventually I had to let it go. Now the only time it would matter to me is if I notice they smoke one too many cigarettes.

Is there someone you wish you were still close with? Kinda, but I’m not super sad or resentful about it. I miss Chelsea and Kaira, but I’m okay with our only interactions being liking and sharing each other’s posts these days. I’m not desperate to be as close as we were, and all I want is for them to be happy where they are now.

If you could go back in time and change things, would you? This question is very broad lmao and yes, there’s always a thing or two everyone wants to change. I wish I made friends earlier in college so that I didn’t have an awful first year, for one.

Do you want to get married? I do.

How many times have you really truly been in love? Just once.

Do you think you’ve ruined your chances with someone? No. As much as possible I don’t like losing in every sense of the word hahaha, so I made sure I didn’t waste my chances with Gab while they were already in front of me. Whether it turned out for the good or bad, my mindset about it is that at least I got to say “I gave it a shot.”

Do you know what it’s like to be truly happy? Not consistently. I have days where my happiness is through the roof, but they are brief and quick. I still have to work my way around life a bit to figure out how to be happy for a longer time.

Are you able to grab your cell phone without moving from where you are? Yes. I don’t even have to stretch my hand much.

Have you ever stayed up at night waiting for someone to call/text you back? Maybe in high school. I like my sleep time these days lol

Is there something you’re looking forward to? They’ve already loosened lockdown rules in my province and anyone aged 21-60 can go out now provided it’s for an essential errand. Now I’m just waiting for something urgent to come up and I’m back on the road aaaahhhhh.

Is there someone you’re attracted to? Yes, very.

Was yesterday/last night enjoyable for you? It was different and quite enjoyable, yes. The weather was a lot colder last night because a typhoon that briefly passed by, which meant it’s the first time we got cold air since like February. I felt more relaxed than usual and I even watched a couple of episodes of Descendants of the Sun hehehehe

Want someone or something you can’t have? I want things to be back the way they were, but that is obviously not happening for a while.

Something that happened today that made you angry? Mmm I guess the time I was venting to Gab about a problem of mine this afternoon and she chimed in with input that I thought wasn’t 100% sensitive and worsened my anxieties. I know it hadn’t been ill-intentioned, but I was still thrown off by it and I called her out.

Is there someone who you’d never thought you’d be friends with, but are now? Andrew. I spent a lot of time avoiding them from 2017-2018 because I found them too extroverted/invasive, but they were very persistent so one day I just gave up and let them into my circle lmao. No regrets though, they’re an amazing amazing friend.

Is there someone you thought you would never lose, but are gone now? Oh yeah. My high school friends and my old best friend, Sofie. I also thought Katreen was for keeps, but she gradually distanced herself from me through college. I don’t resent her for it though, she looks happier now than she ever was in high school and I’m glad she’s that way.

Who did you first see this morning besides family? I haven’t been out today so I’ve only seen family.

Is there anybody you wish you could be spending time with right now? Gabie.

Are all of your friends in relationships? Most of them are single, but a handful are in relationships.

Who is the last friend you saw? Gabie.

Do you have a best friend? Yes.

Where were you at 11 pm? Last night I think I was watching wrestling videos in my bedroom. Right now it’s only 10:09 PM.

Do you believe exes can be friends? They can but most of the time it’s never been the same experience. I’ve never heard of a breakup that was amicable enough that the couple was able to retain the exact same friendship they had before breaking up.

What color do you want to dye your hair? Dark green.

Do you think someone is thinking about you? It’s possible, but I doubt it. I haven’t been talking to people tonight.

Ever talked on the phone for more than 4 hours? No. When I have calls with my girlfriend that last for hours we usually just stay on the line in silence while we do our own thing, and that doesn’t really count as ‘talking on the phone.’

Are you basically a happy person? I’m a put-together person. I know how to look my 100% in public. But I’m not always happy.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? I hope so.

Does the last person you kissed mean anything to you? Yeah, everything.

Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to? I certainly feel this way with Andrew as I find them to be a safe space. But I just choose to not tell them everything since I don’t count them as a best friend.

Are you Asian? Very.

Last movie you saw in theater? Knives Out, last December.

Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? I objectively could. I’m not dependent on it or anything. But it would suck lol

Ever cried while you were on the phone with someone? Many times.

Have you ever slept in the same bed with the last person you kissed? Yes, we get to do that sometimes. But we don’t do sleepovers often at my place so that my parents won’t start thinking that something’s up with us; and we don’t do sleepovers often at her place because I’m on very good terms with her parents and I don’t want to abuse it by constantly staying in their daughter’s room and obviously having sex with her under their roof lol

Could you last in a relationship for over a year? Duh.

Your phone is ringing. It’s your ex. What do you say? No ex.

Do you hate the last person you kissed? Not at all.

In the past 5 months, kissed anyone with the name starting with an J? Nope.

Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes? It’s not my strongest suit so I don’t get compliments on my eyes in general. I do get compliments on my eyelashes because they’re super long, and apparently people are into that haha.

#survey #surveys

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digitalta · 5 years

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4, 9, and 24 for the journaling asks ♡

Amazing, in one go you managed to slaughter all my expectations and select two of the funniest asks on the list.

4. Preferred journal size?

Anything smaller then a standard sheet of paper. I like to have a journal that is small enough that I can shove it into bookbags or various locations/jam it into a suitcase when going on vacation, but not so small I have to worry about disfiguring my poor book when it goes through such violent treatment. This normally rules out a lot of the Moleskin journals due to how thin they are- unless I sew multiple ones together to give it some rigidity. I also prefer more flexibile books because they’re easier to contort to fit around my packing.

Generally, my journals are anywhere from 7-10 inches tall (17.7 cm -25.4cm) and wide enough it doesn’t look stupid with the height.

Normally, these types of journals are Field Note journals for majors like Archaeology, or Geology. If I want higher quality paper because I have a feeling I’m going to really abuse it, I go for sketching paper or low weight watercolour paper.

9. Best writing advice you’ve been given?

Oh ho ho. I get this a lot, and I know you know this too you little gremlin.

I think, that over time my advice has changed a lot based on what direction in life I’m headed. I used to give a lot of advice on how to write well, or how to follow through on your ideas, but now I’m leaning towards the individuality of the writer. Every single person has a unique perspective, something that you can learn from them. I know I’ve said before how you should always take other people’s ideas into consideration, because you can always learn from someone else- but I’ve realized that in society and the framework of conventional literature, a lot of our uniqueness is washed aside in favour of structured writing.

Find something that you do that nobody else does, and never let it go. Find that spark and hang onto it, even if you’re unsure if anyone else will like it. Every writer is unique, remain that way. Being conventional isn’t the only way to be successful. One of my favourite authors has written a story that is only dialogue, another one of my favourite authors wrote an entire novel using no quotation marks and using no names of characters. Was it hard- sure. Was it special because of how different it was?

Find what you love, and keep doing it. I write using lyricism, far too many grotesque or morbid descriptions, and a subconscious fascination with writing about teeth in everything I do. So what if someone doesn’t like it? I do, and I don’t need to change my style to sell a book.

24. Do you name your journals?

You came into my house and stabbed me in my bed.

So, I am horrible with names. I don’t...name them so to speak. I have a strange thing where I mentally categorize people based on describing factors I remember, and obnoxiously include a hyphen in them. I do this for people, things, and you know damn well I do it for my books.

My cat’s name is Fleur, but mentally I always categorize her as Soft-flower-Princess-Queen-broken-jaw. Stupid? Yes. My classmate is Younger-braid-hair-has-kitten-lots-of-highlighters-reads-ahead. I have NO IDEA what her name is but I damn well know her.

My one journal Is a...architect book I think? Or engineering. It’s Rough-Planning-Fandom-Division-Big-Paper.

The one I use for my own personal ventures (my favourite) I made personally so it’s perfect for me. Nice leather cover, brown pages so I can use white ink or chalk. Thick paper. It’s Academic-Study-Writing-Handwriting-Aesthetics.

I have a few others, like my poetry one. It’s Black-small-Mother-of-Pearl-pencil-fancy.

I know, it’s odd but it WORKS.

#ask #journaling ask #writing #advice #writing advice

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lovemesomesurveys · 5 years

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How old are you?: 30. Do you plan on taking your husband’s last name if you ever marry?: I don’t plan on ever getting married, but IF I ever did, I think I’d hyphenate. I like my last name. At what age did you get the sex talk?: I remember in 6th grade it was talked about and I remember having to watch this informational video about the reproduction systems and menstrual cycles. Oh, and my teacher showing us how to use a condom by demonstrating on a banana. I think it was around that same time that my mom talked about with me as well. What’s your favorite kind of alcohol?: None. I don’t drink anymore and I don’t miss it at all. Do you know how to cook?: Just Ramen, ha.

Ever been in a near death situation? Explain: Yes, two. One was my accident and the other was during my last surgery a few years ago.

What is your biggest weakness?: I’m just a weak person. Do you live near the ocean?: About 2 hours away. Do you cry easily?: Yes. How many kids do you want to have, if any?: Zero. Where did you go on your last date?: Dinner and a movie. Are you a virgin?: Yes. Do you smoke cigarettes?: No. What did you last dream about?: I don’t remember. What do you think about long distance relationships?: *shrug* Have you ever been in the “friend zone”?: Yeppp.

What’s your favorite animal?: Doggos and giraffes. Scene kids, opinions?: I don’t care. Do you think objectum sexuals are real, or attention seekers?: Uh. How far out of your age bracket would you date?: I wouldn’t want to date someone younger. I think oldest would be like 5 years older. Have you ever had an STD?: No. What do you think it feels like to die?: Let’s not think about that. Is the area you live in more liberal or conservative?: Liberal. Have you ever intentionally harmed yourself?: Yes. What’s in your pocket right now?: No pockets. I never use pockets anyway. Are you currently barefoot?: Nope. I always have socks on. Eating or drinking anything? What?: I’m drinking a Starbucks Doubleshot. Do you keep anything from a past relationship? (gifts, letters, etc): I have a couple drawings he did for me. Are you tan?: My arms are a bit. I got a bad sunburn on my birthday vacay, but it turned into a tan. Your opinion on capital punishment?: How many siblings do you have? Names?: 2. What would you do if you were pregnant now?: I can’t get pregnant, so I don’t gotta think about it. Why do people stay in abusive relationships? Have you ever been in one?: I haven’t been in that situation. How many piercings do you have?: Just two, one in each earlobe. Does size really matter?: Have you ever tried pho?: No. What’s your favorite day of the week?: I don’t have one. The days are all the same to me. Do you know anyone who’s bipolar?: Maybe? Do you have a lot of emotional baggage?: Yes. Describe the last party you went to. It was a friend’s birthday party 3 years ago. Who knows how to cheer you up?: My doggo. What are you wearing today?: Black leggings and a gray shirt. Will you kiss anyone within the next 24 hours?: No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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calleo-bricriu · 5 years

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What's the weirdest thing you've found in those books so far?

Aside from a whole hell of a lot of casual racism and some bizarre story about how people from the most Northern parts of Norway and Iceland hibernate for 6 months out of the year, come out, "hunt like wolves" (and eat like them), get fat, then go back to sleep for six months and I'm pretty sure he's confusing people who live in cold climates with bears there...

...the coded language.

It's not so much that the majority of it is written in heavily coded language; it's easy enough to figure out what he's talking about via context clues, though it is amusing that he starts them all with some comment about how the writing will be frank and straightforward then goes on to write in borderline code.

I'm sure, at one point, that sort of coded language was common enough to be considered and straightforward anyway. It isn't only Muggles who do that anyway, the vast majority of books on the Dark Arts in general are written in a way that, if you don't already know what you're looking at, it reads like a bunch of nonsense.

It's that he'll be doing that; going along, paragraph after paragraph, chapter after chapter, line after line, in consistently coded language, and then suddenly throws in an actually correct medical term for something--a body part, an illness, a behavioral issue, calling it a hangover instead of rambling on about poisons being stuck in your skin when it's really just dehydration (and that's why drinking water fixes it but, you know, too difficult to connect points A and B, evidently), and it's incredibly jarring.

Ends up being a bit like listening to one of those people who never swear just randomly and sometimes completely out of context saying, "fuck" but will also never acknowledge that they said it.

Like, you could have just been saying that from the beginning and we all knew what you meant with the coded language anyway, so why is 90% of it vague ways of saying the same thing?

Did he forget he was meant to be writing in coded language?

Did he even notice he'd missed one?

If you'd like a more Sinday appropriate example, there's a coded term that you'll find in heavy use in "health" books, nearly all of them written by what passed for actual trained medical people at the time, and up until about the late 1960s when there was a shift from writing those sorts of books in heavily coded language to just saying what the hell you actually mean, you see it a lot.

It's one that you'll even find in actual medical literature and not only in the dumbed down versions of it that were released to the general public.

Not only that, but you'll see entire long chapters and sometimes entire books dedicated it and everyone but, evidently, this particular doctor couldn't manage to keep it consistently coded.

"Self abuse".

Or "self-abuse", he couldn't seem to make up his mind as to whether the hyphen should be there or not and there was no consistency in it. I don't think he had a proper editor.

...or even an editor.

In a modern context, that turn of phrase is generally assumed to be very literal and in reference to doing something that is actually harmful; you're doing something to yourself that's abusive in nature, physically or psychologically.

Anyway, all it means in coded language context here is masturbation, and this guy got through nearly fifty pages of not screwing that up until the hamster in the wheel of his brain failed for exactly one time when he said what he meant in uncoded language, then he went right back to "self abuse" (or self-abuse, I guess) again.

He might have been his own editor or he was just seeing if he could get away with it, banking on the fact that his actual editor was probably only skimming.

Oh, right, and going off of that there was this entire five page rambling thing about how you shouldn't marry a woman who is over 23 because she'll have somehow ruined herself to the point of sterility via that method and I'm not really sure why 23 is the cut off age there.

Like, go wild until you're 22 then stop and it'll be...fine?

I don't actually know how he came to that conclusion, and he never felt the need to explain what bizarre thought process he used to get there.

He said he was going to explain it and the explanation was essentially, "I said what I said, you chronic pervert. I'd say keep your hands to yourself but that's how you ended up like this in the first place, isn't it?"

The constant all caps screaming about how he's not a quack is pretty great as well as it's all in this odd context of, "Okay, I know that what I'm about to say might sound weird but please keep in mind that I AM NOT A QUACK!" and would then launch into some even stranger thing like how you need to oil a horse's joints before a race and that somehow equates to--people needing to get exercise.

Can't say I'd expect more out of someone who thinks sunlight cures smallpox and diphtheria, though.

#long post #questionable medical advice #sinday

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batgirl-87 · 5 years

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For the MC + Jacob asks- how about 1 + 2 if you haven't done them already? :)

Thank you for asking! =) I have not done those ones yet!

(So this got kind of long…Hope I answered them well enough and I’m here to answer any more questions about my characters and their backstory =) )

HPHM MC & Jacob Asks

1. How did you come up with your MC’s name?

Originally my MC’s name was Adira (based on another character I created for something and then never got to really use unfortunately) but then I decided to recreate my original HP character just in this new timeline. And as I developed this character more I knew I needed to have a more Irish name.

I wanted to stay true to the House of Black tradition (which I didn’t do with my original HP character when I should have but she originally was Sirius’ daughter and I doubted he would stick to their family’s tradition) and give her a greek/constellation name based on her Undine genetics, but much like Tonks wouldn’t go by her first name. And then seeing how her mother is French and Irish, and hyphenated names are common in French, I wanted her to have names that honored both those heritages and I wanted one to start with an ‘A’ for some reason. And I wanted one to sound like Adira so maybe that’s why I wanted the ‘A’ name? =p

After lots of research on names I eventually decided to just use my (omg I think my first ever that, tbh, I just alter as needed for most of my own main OC’s =p) original character’s name although I was trying to avoid it but changing the spelling (Kiara to Keira).

Hence Nereida Adelyn-Keira Black (Lafontaine - her mom’s last name and last name of the character I didn’t get to use for something else =( She went by that until she embraced The House of Black side of her)

Nereida (Greek) - Nereids are sea nymphs, mermaids, etc. in Greek Mythology, daughters ofNereus and Doris, often accompany Poseidon. Can be helpful to sailors,symbolize the beauty of the sea, possessed melodious voices, depicted with redcoral crowns and white silk robes trimmed with gold

Adelyn (French) - Noble

Keira (Irish) - Little dark one/dark haired

Goes by Keira, Adelyn, Ady, Reida

So pretty much put way more thought into this than necessary =p

2. How did you come up with your MC and Jacob’s backstory?

As mentioned before, Keira was originally Sirius’ daughter (and with the name Kiara) but that wouldn’t work in this timeline because Sirius is like 13 years older than her and while I can see Sirius having some illegitimate child at like 16, 13 is way too young! Then the addition of Jacob, clearly couldn’t be Sirius’ kids. But I wanted her to still be related to Sirius, not just because Sirius one of my favourites but personality wise I, and therefore my OC =p, are very similar to Sirius and look wise she also looks like Sirius and a member of the House of Black and who doesn’t want to be a member of the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black?! (okay probably plenty of people actually…) And I already had this character created that I love and wanted to use who was related to Sirius.

Anyways, so I adjusted (because I’m flexible and adaptable!) my original HP OC to be Sirius’ and Regulus’ little sister; however, my original HP OC was actually part Veela, like Fleur, and, as I also mentioned before, I created this other character, Adira, for something I never got to use (can you tell I’m salty over it?) and she was part Undine so I made Keira part Undine because, yep, never got to use that character and I worked hard and was excited to so dammit it’s happening!!! Plus who doesn’t like to have something different and unique to them? (In my defense I had no idea MC in the game was going to be Legilimens which is clearly unique but I was never going to my make my character one so I will not feel bad and be called some mary-sue or some shit like that)

Therefore, Walburga couldn’t be her mother, nor did I ever want her to be her mother anyway =p (crazy portrait bitch =p) and since we don’t know much about Orion or his relationship with Walburga (I did lots of research people I’m not just bs’ing to get what I want) besides that they’re second cousins (ugh…) I felt it was completely plausible for Orion to step outside his marriage, especially if there’s a pretty young woman, since would one really be all that happy and comfortable being married to their second cousin? And they technically fulfilled their pureblood responsibility by getting married and bearing children so if he found another woman outside his family who he developed feelings for I could see him straying. However, he’s accustomed to a certain lifestyle and has an image and reputation to uphold so leaving his wife (if he actually wanted to) was not going to be an option, so even though his mistress got pregnant (twice!) he wasn’t going to leave Walburga.

Maybe I also just like a good scandal and some drama? (House of Black and their drama, right? =p) Anyway, obviously to have them be able to attend Hogwarts they have to be from the UK or Ireland, right? And being of Irish and French heritage myself, (and I loved visiting Ireland and can’t wait to go back), I had them born in Ireland and live there for a bit but after their mom dies (partially because she’s part Undine and they give up their immortality and live shorter lifespans when they fall in love with a mortal, and I personally believe their lifespan gets shorter when they have children and pass down their Undine genes) they move to Canada with some close friends of their mom’s who unofficially adopt them (this is sort of based on a family I’m close to who I feel unofficially adopted by =p) Plus, although they love their ‘adopted’ parents and appreciate all they’ve done for them, it really solidifies Keira and Jacob against the world because they’re all each other really has now and makes his disappearance more angstful for her.

And maybe also because I have been teased for talking funny with a weird accent (don’t even get my started) I wanted to put my MC through the same thing (because we love torturing our characters) so if I had her grow up in Ireland and Canada she would also have a weird accent and talk funny compared to the other students =p

I also wanted her to move into 12 Grimmauld Place, maybe do some redecorating and remodeling, but mainly because I liked the idea of her taking it over after Walburga passes and making it sort of like this hangout/safe place for her friends, mainly Barnaby who pretty much hangs out there all summer between 4th and 5th year and officially moves in summer after 5th year, and making this once abusive, toxic, prejudiced household into a place where anyone was welcomed and could find sanctuary (probably much to the rage of Walburga’s portrait bahahaha). Plus it’s closer to Diagon Alley and her other friends than living in Ireland or Canada, obviously.

Remus becoming her guardian while over in the UK was sort of something that just happened and wasn’t planned but I realized she probably needed someone over there since Jacob is gone, everyone on her mom side that she knows of is dead, and she doesn’t know much of the House of Black besides she is apparently one but they refuse to acknowledge her existence, and while she could just live in their house in Ireland they still have, and she is quite independent, an 11 year old living alone probably isn’t the best idea… (and I’m sure Andromeda and Tonks would take her in in a heartbeat but none of them know about each other since Andromeda was disowned so she doesn’t know really what’s happening with the rest of the family and all Keira knows about is Orion, Walburga, Sirius, and Regulus. She doesn’t learn of others, like Bellatrix until she sees the tapestry in 12 Grimmauld Place where Andromeda is burned off so still didn’t know about her and Tonks until Tonks told her Bellatrix was her aunt).

So I honestly couldn’t think of anyone else to take her in and take care of her and then thought, well, Remus has nothing to do =p And since clearly he’s one of Sirius’ best friends knows of his illegitimate siblings (Walburga was going to find out, please, we all know that, but they did their best to keep that secret in the immediate family and not let it out but then Jacob has to attend Hogwarts and be a butthead and inform everyone he’s a House of Black bloodline because he’s done being some shameful secret and even when it’s proved he and Keira do have House of Black blood still not acknowledged from that family) and being a good person he can’t let some eleven-year-old live alone! And she is like Sirius, and Jacob is like James, so it’s sort of bittersweet like hanging out with his friends again…Plus I hate thinking of Remus living in poverty on the streets all alone all the time until he gets his job as Hogwarts so... We all know Remus deserves better! (I have like a whole thing about Remus and Keira’s relationship for another time)

Oh! And as for Keira and Jacob’s relationship with each other I sort of based in on a couple people who were like older brother figures for me, one good, close friend I have primarily, and I guess what I imagine having an older brother would be like? Honestly always wanted one so I get to create one I’ve always wanted =p (is my life sad and lonely, oh yeah… =p)

Thank you again for asking! =)

#fandom-penguin #hphm #hogwarts mystery #hphm mc #my mc #hphm jacob #thank you for the ask!#asks #ask game

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