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#i still mask up at work and in public so im rather happy that i didnt bring it home

floppydiskettess · 11 months

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CYPHER SFW ALPHABET

HIII THIS WAS MADE FOR MY BESTIE!!!!!! HAPPY (early) BIRTHDAY MAN! :D. I HOPE THIS QUENCHES THE CYPHER BRAINROT :))

(ps, i am still working on requests! i have two atm that im working on and i apologize for the delay!!!)

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

at first he is hesitant, he is filled with insecurities. but once he becomes more comfortable he will be extremely affectionate. he will call you petnames constantly (my love, dear, angel, sweetest, etc.). also this man LOVES behind hugs, he loves to suprise you with a hug from behind as he rests his masked chin on the top of your head (he is a tall mf and he will rub it in)

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

he is a quiet person, at first you two would simply sit in comfortable silence, but he will soon be more talkative with you once he knows he can trust you! being his best friend would involve a lot of nights spent in his workshop watching him work. he would totally make you upgrades as a gift too.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

he hasn't recieved physical touch in a long time. you will notice him tensing up at each touch at the beginning. but don't assume that means he doesn't like it. he really feels comforted by your gentle touches but he just needs to readjust to being loved in a physical manner.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

yes, he definitely is dating to marry. he will cook meals he used to make all the time for you! he is an amazing cook too, expect him to cook you fancy foods and serve you exquisite teas. bbbuuutttt he is not the best at cleaning however...(just take one look at his workshop for gods sake.)

E = Emotions (how well can they handle their emotions? what affects them the most?) (i changed this one !!!)

he has a lot of trauma, he doesn't really have any coping methods for it though besides pushing it (and others) away. he will need time to emotionally recover from the loss of his family. but with you by his side he feels more hopeful than ever.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

he was married before, he would be willing to tie the knot with someone of which he is deeply bonded too. he would likely wait for you to propose, he doesn't want to rush you. and if you see a wedding ring sitting waiting on his desk? you saw nothing :)

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

soft boi....he cares so much for you. he couldn't bear to lose you like he lost nora. he is physically and emotionally gentle. he is constantly careful of your personal boundaries and makes sure you are taking care of yourself. he treats you as if you are the most delicate piece of china on a shelf. absolutely nothing will be hurting you as long as he is there to protect you.

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

oh yeah he loves hugs! whenever you come back from a mission he is waiting at the loading dock to welcome you back with a warm hug. he prefers to give hugs rather than to recieve them, but if he is having a really stressful day he longs for a hug..

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

he would say it fast, he probably was so caught up in the moment that he just said how he was feeling. he truly loves you and he wants to make sure you know how much he cares. after that, he will say it confidently and in public. he wants you to always remember how loved you are.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

he generally is not a jealous person, but if someone decided to try and take what isn't theirs he would definitely become jealous. he fully trusts you, but he just does not trust the person who is bothering you to take the hint and back off. if someone began to get really persistent? he would be pissed. this man will protectively stand in front of you, looming over the stranger.

"don't go sticking your nose where it doesn't belong....the walls have ears my friend. they know just what you are."

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

with the mask on? the cheek! he loves cheek kisses. without the mask? he loves cheek kisses, temple kisses, and a simple kiss on the lips. he also loves his chest and shoulders being kissed (/nsx you horndogs 😡). he will kiss you whereever he can get too. neck, arms, palm, cheek, forehead, you name it. anywhere he can reach? its gonna be kissed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

he has...experience... with kids. he knows how to raise and treat them. this man is the absolute best with children, he goes full father figure mode and absolutely loves to just pamper the child. he would love to have kids one day again....

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

you curled up into his chest, his mask thrown lazily on the ground beside you. you can feel his soft and steady breaths on your face. his curly dark brown hair completed mussed up. you can feel his prickly shaved chin leaning against your forehead as you softly kiss his hand which had migrated to your back.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

at night, he probably is up working while you are in bed. once he finished his work or you successfully convince him to join you. he will hold onto you until you fall asleep. on some nights however you may wake up to an empty bed, due to his sleeping issues and occasional nightmares he sometimes wakes up in the middle of the night. he can usually be found in the kitchen space though, drinking tea while reading a book.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

he is scared to let you in, lets be honest. he doesn't want what happened to his family to ever happen to you. he cannot go through that pain again. he is very hesitant and it takes him a while to open up, but he will eventually. he just needs time.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

he is super patient, if something was wrong he would he waiting by your side for you to be ready. if someone was being rude to you? he would tell them off in a calm manner as to not create any issues for you.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

he pegs me as the kinda guy who keeps like a google doc of everything you like (i do that-) he wants to make sure he remembers what you like and dislike and what you say! he loves when you remember the small things he mentions, it makes him feel cared for.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

your first date. it probably went to shit because the other agents kept interuptting and messing around with you two. but he will never forget the afterwards. you both had gone up to the rooftop to escape the younger chaotic agents when you noticed a gorgous star show in the sky. when you sat down together, you had half his jacket draped over you as he huddled closer towards you shyly. he watched your features glow under the moonlight and that is when he fell HARD.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

protective as fuck. he lost his family to kingdom, he refuses to lose you as well. he doesn't care if it means he has to sacrifice himself to protect you. as long as you are safe. he definitely watched from afar to make sure you are safe and well.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

he puts a lot of effort in. he meticulously plans each date and activity you two do together. of things are not perfect he fears you would be dissapointed, but he just needs some reassurance that any moment spent with him is perfect enough. (thats so cheesy ewww)

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

he gets super competitive...in chess he absolutely loves to destroy everybody and rub it in. if he loses (to phoenix especially..) he will definitely be pouting for a while and you will have to comfort him.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

he is not so much concerned as he is insecure. he has a lot of scars and emotions etched into his skin. he is scared you would be frightened of him. the mask will be staying on for a while until he fully is able to feel comfortable revealing such a big insecurity to you.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

yes. you are everything to him. if he lost you he would have nothing left for him. he would probaly leave the protocol if he were to lose you..

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

he is taller than you, hes probably like 6'5 or something. he loves to tease you for it and likes to display the height difference (ex. he puts his chin on your head, he will cradle you with ease across the base, he will wrap his arms around you and fully engulf you.)

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

i feel like he wouldn't like a cocky and flirty person. (flirty as in, if you flirted with someone else even though you were dating him.) he is terrified you will leave him for someone else.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

insomniac....need i say more? he definitely will stay up all night if you allow him too. if he is really crunched for time on something he likely is going to forget to sleep...

THANK YOU FOR READINGGG i wrote this at 1am on a school night omg. writing this made me realize how much i want a bf/gf 😭😭

anyways happy birthday to my amazing valorant duo!!! your literally the sweetest person ever and i really hope you enjoy this and have a lovely birthday when it arrives!!

#valorant x reader #fanfiction #valorant #valorant brainrot go brrrrrr #valorant fanfiction #valorant x y/n #valorant x you #cypher x reader #amir el amari #you x cypher #cypher x you #i wrote this instead of sleeping #birthday gift #cypher valorant #i hope you enjoy #happy birthday

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mylasttwobraincellsandi · 1 year

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I have lately been rather afraid of living in my own country for a multitude of reasons. One is the government. Im not Hindu and the government's literal policy is hindutwa. I don't see the full effect of it because I'm lucky enough to be from a well to do household but I do see women coming to my grandmother's house saying that her slum was razed and children beaten.

Less than a year ago Hijabs were banned and students went to the supreme courts to fight but were denied. That begs the question, how long until all our rights are denied?

They perhaps didn't look at the implications of banning hijabs but it will definitely lead to a lower literacy rate within the group with the lowest literacy rate.

They are erasing our identities or at least trying to yet they forget that before Pakistan was a country, those who are now Pakistanis were Indians too.

The other is the education policy. I don't deny the fact that reservation is important but I still fear that I'll never be able to pursue higher studies despite working hard since as long as I remember

I want to leave India, I want to go to another country to study but that makes me feel guilty because how can I say that I love my country if I leave ir

https://www.tumblr.com/mylasttwobraincellsandi/711638452959133696/i-think-i-wanna-bring-this-post-back-into?source=share

Anyway I saw this and got inspired because I fucking hate Modi so much its unreal

I am glad people like you speak up. It makes me so fucking happy. My hatred for Modi and BJP runs deep. I won't go on a rant, but they pose a very real and very active threat to our democracy. As a law student, it is downright horrifying to see what they are doing. The public is too blinded by their own prejudices to see the authoritarianism that the bjp is breeding in the country.

I am sorry you feel unsafe but never beat yourself up over it. A country has a duty to care for ALL of its citizens. And our current government displays a blatant disregard for the well-being of anyone who is a conservative cis, straight, Hindu, Hindi-speaking able man. That is the only category of people they care about. You might think otherwise, but the party is an openly misogynistic, conservative, right-wing Hindu nationalist party. Literally. And not so fun fact, the RSS can directly trace its origin to Nazism. NAZISM. If anyone can turn a blind eye to that (I have heard many excuses.) frankly, I don't feel safe around that person.

The hijab law was the single most absurd law to pass in a while (Which is saying a lot considering what the BJP has been going on a central level.). It served no purpose except to single out and discriminate against the rights of some. What is a hijab doing to hurt anyone? Additionally, at the time, I heard a lot of ridiculous justifications like "Oh but the use it conceals their identity! What if they are a terrorist?". I am sorry; your Islamaphobia should not prevent children (CHILDREN) from going to school. And what exactly does that imply? Anyone who wears a mask or a hoodie is a terrorist now? Does it mean someone who drapes their saree over their head is a terrorist? If your logic is that an act, when done exclusively by one group, is bad, then you need to reconsider your views. In my opinion, everyone should have the ability to practise their religion freely. Similarly, I don't think anyone should be forced to follow or identify with any religion (It always annoyed me that I couldn't simply state that I was agnostic. I will always be tied to my family's religion.).

As for reservations. *sigh*. I have complicated feelings. I don't think it should be thrown out entirely. But the system needs a lot of work for it to actually do what it is trying to do. But I hope you don't stress too much. I will admit that I remember being disappointed with how my clat results turned out. My rank was around 4700, but I knew that, being from gc, I had no chance. But I had to watch people with much lower ranks get in. But truly, I never felt bitter. While my family doesn't have any real generational wealth (but *knock on wood*, we are financially good thanks to my parents' hard work and my granny's years of dedication.) but I must acknowledge my family's privilege. My granny was born in the 1940s. A time when cast-based discrimination was rampant in Kerala. Additionally, it was a time when most women would be married off by 15. Hell, my grandma has siblings who were married off that early. But she went on to study and become a doctor. Which is the result of nothing but the privilege she was born into. And That is why I don't ever feel angry about reservations. Additionally, I am in a good place now. And I am more or less happy (well, depression and OCD is a bitch, but what can I do.).

On a lighter note, please don't worry too much. You will do well. Work hard and focus on becoming the best version of you!. All the best.

And as for immigration, I really don't understand why people hate it so much. We are a country of 1.4 billion people. We have a massive population of well-educated young people. The honest truth is that we can't employ everyone. So why not immigrate? Do what's best for you. As a queer liberal, I plan to move permanently. It doesn't mean I hate my roots. Just that this isn't the best environment for me to thrive. Additionally, NRIs generate plenty of wealth for India. As a Keralite, I know from first-hand experience how much money comes into my state from our expats. Additionally, Immigration grows India's soft power. I don't believe in Nationalism. And if criticising our shitty government and their awful policies makes me un-patriotic then I am fine with that title.

All that said, I hope with all my heart that we will see the rise of a real liberal movement in this country. And unfortunately, I don't feel confident in the INC. They are too afraid to make any statement of real consequence (well, I can't even fault them for that since the BJP seems to have abandoned all pretence of democracy and have just moved to prosecuting their opponents now.). I want a youth movement. A movement to push out these old conservative men (and the few women.) from their cushy desk jobs where all they do is loot, plunder and oppress everyone who they see as less than themselves. I want a vibrant, diverse and free future for my country. When I do leave this country (and I will.) I hope to watch it prosper from the outside, not turn into an authoritarian wasteland. I would stay and fight if I didn't feel like I would be jailed or worse killed for merely being who I am by vigilante groups.

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attemptsonherlifepdf · 3 years

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bojack horseman and bo burnham: the art of acting like you’re acting and the comedy of misery

at the core of bojack horseman, raphael bob-waksberg’s 2014 comedy, is a story about the relationship between performance and depression. the protagonist of this renowned tragicomedy is best described as a sympathetic villain; he is shown to clearly be in the wrong across various events of the show, and is explicitly referred to as a bad person, but the audience is granted deep access to his personal struggles, resulting in some portions of the audience finding themselves on bojack’s side. the duality of his character is complex, but can be broken down into some core components, that all stem from the impacts of stardom and performance. the standup comedy of bo burnham arguably echoes this sentiment in real time. having been a performer from a young age, burnham creates work that serves as a satirical commentary on the life of entertainers. he uses original songs to explore the reliance upon and resentment for his performative nature both onstage and within his personal life. both the comedian and the netflix show are widely understood to be thinly veiling their critiques of the entertainment industry behind a particular brand of witty and absurd humour.

both bojack and burnham’s content openly criticises their audiences and explicitly states the manufactured nature of the narrative the audience is fed. in the fifth season of bojack horseman, the show satirises itself by having bojack star in a police procedural drama, parts of which are actively written by other characters to reflect events of bojack’s life. the titular character he plays, philbert, is the epitome of selfish male angst, and an example of what bob-waksberg’s show could have been; another story about a sad and angry man whose guilt supposedly makes up for the people he has hurt. according to bojack, philbert teaches us ‘we’re all terrible, so we’re all okay’, an interpretation that is harshly disputed by diane: ‘that’s not the point of philbert, for guys to watch it and feel okay. i dont want you, or anyone else, justifying their shitty behaviour because of the show.’ this moment is a direct reaction to some of the online reception bojack horseman has received. various circles of the show’s fanbase have found themselves relating to the protagonist to the point of defending his untoward behaviour, a response not intentioned by the show’s creators. this is not the only example of bob-waksberg’s ability to make his work self-evaluative. in season six’s exposure of bojack and sarah lynn’s problematic relationship, characters question their sexual encounter from the first season. the writers use this as a way of examining their own choices, and the harmful tropes they played into when using this exploitative sexual encounter as a gag. this self-evaluative quality is what sets bojack apart as a show that assesses the performance it participates in, much like the comedy of bo burnham.

bo burnham is known for directly addressing his audience, particularly in terms of discouraging idolisation and parasocial relationships. some examples of this manifest as responses to hecklers rather than a planned bit in the show, for instance:

heckler: i love you!

bo: no you don’t

heckler: i love the IDEA of you!

bo: stop participating!

he actively addresses the issues posed by being an entertainer, and encourages the audience to understand and recognise that his onstage persona is just that: an exaggerated persona. not once does burnham claim to be fully authentic onstage, and even moments of authenticity we see in his latest special, inside, are staged. we make the assumption that having the physical setting of a stage stripped away grants us a more personal look at the entertainer’s life, but he makes it clear that even in his own home we still see the aspects he has carefully constructed rather than the full truth. arguably though, parts of the show really are authentic; in his monologue during make happy, bo deconstructs his own show in a way that is similar to bojack horseman’s later seasons, admitting that all he knows is performing and thus making a show about the more mundane and relatable aspects of life would feel ‘incredibly disingenuous.’ in his attempts to separate himself from this onstage persona he actually manages to blur the lines between what is acting and what is now part of his nature as a result of his job. this notion is echoed in bojack horseman as bojack’s attention seeking nature is attributed to his years acting in front of a camera every day.

bo suggests that the era of social media has created a space in which children’s identities mimic that of an entertainer like himself, describing the phenomenon as ‘performer and audience melded together.’ in this observation he criticises the phenomenon. bo attempts to force the audience to recognise the ways in which their lives are becoming shaped by the presence of an audience and to some extent uses his own life as a warning tale against this. he points out the way in which the ‘tortured artist trope’ means that your cries for help or roundabout attempts of addressing mature themes such as substance abuse, mental illness and trauma become part of that on stage persona and therefore become part of the joke. both bo and bojack address these topics in more discrete manners earlier in their careers, but this eventually becomes expected, and thus they are forced to explicitly detail their struggles with these topics in order to be taken seriously. even then, portions of the audience are inclined to see it as part of the persona or as something that fuels the creators creativity and thus does not need to be addressed as a legitimate issue. the emphasis on creating a character or persona promotes the commodification of mental illness: any struggle must be made into a song or a joke or a bit, must be turned into part of the act in order to have value. this actually serves to delegitimise these emotions and create a disconnect between the feeling and the person, as it becomes near impossible to exist without feeling as though you are acting. even when an artist’s cries for help become blatant, they continue to go ignored because now they serve the purpose of creating content that criticises the industry they stem from. online audiences can be seen as treating bo burnham and his insightful work as existing to demonstrate the negative effects entertaining can have, and because this insight is useful or thought-provoking to audiences, he is almost demanded to keep entertaining and creating. in response to this demand, his work becomes more meta and his messages become clearer, and the more obvious his messages, the more people he reaches. this increases audience demands and traps entertainers in a cycle fraught with internal conflict.

during bojack’s second season, bojack’s date asks him, ‘come on, do that bojack thing where you make a big deal and everyone laughs, but at the same time we relate, because you're saying the things polite society won't.’ this moment exemplifies how aspects of his genuine personality have now become a part of his persona and this is demanded of him in genuine and serious situations, undermining the validity of his emotional reactions. he immediately makes a rude comment to the waitress at the restaurant they’re in and satisfies his date by performing that character he has set himself out to be. some circles of the fan base have argued that bojack is written as a depiction of somebody with borderline personality disorder, offering a psychoanalytical lens through which to view this notion of performance. a defining symptom of borderline personality disorder is a fluctuating sense of self; having grown up on camera, being demanded to perform to others as young as six years old, bojack’s sense of self will have been primarily dictated by the need to act. whether this acting is for the sake of comedy, or as a representation of masking his mental illness, when they need to act is taken away bojack entirely loses his sense of self and relapses into his addictions: ‘i felt like a xerox of a xerox of a person.’ burnham’s depictions of depression run along a similar vein; in his new special he poses the idea that his comedy no longer serves the same personal purpose it once did for him. he questions ‘shit should I be joking at a time like this?’ and satirises the idea that arts have enough value to change or impact the current global issues that we are facing. burnham’s ‘possible ending song’ to his latest special, he asks ‘does anybody want to joke when no-one’s laughing in the background? so this is how it is.’ implicit in this question is the idea that when the audience is taken away and there is nobody to perform his pain to, he is left with his pain. instead of being able to turn his musings and thoughts into a product to sell to the public, he is forced to just think about them in isolation and actually face them, an abrupt and distressing experience.

the value of performance and art is questioned by both bojack and burnham, particularly during the later years of their respective content. burnham’s infamous song, art is dead, appears to be a direct response to the question ‘what is the worth of art?’ he posits that performing is the result of a need for attention (‘my drug’s attention, i am an addict, but i get paid to indulge in my habit’) and repeatedly jokes throughout his career that the entertainment industry receives more respect that it deserves (‘i’m the same as you, im still doing a job or a service, i’m just massively overpaid’). his revelations regarding the inherent desire for attention that runs through all entertainers is frequently satirised in bojack horseman. bojack is comically, hyperbolically attention hungry and self-obsessed, and the show has a running gag in which he uses phrases along the lines of ‘hello, why is nobody paying attention to me, the famous movie star, instead of these other boring people.’ his constant attempts to direct the focus of others towards himself result in bojack feeling like ‘everybody loves you, but nobody likes you.’ his peers buy into his act and adore the comical, exaggerated, laughable aspects of his character, but find very little room to respond to him on a genuinely personal level because of this. interestingly, bojack appears to enjoy catering to his audience and the instant gratification it produces, whereas bo burnham becomes increasingly candid about his mixed feeling towards his audience. ‘i wanna please you, but i wanna stay true to myself, i wanna give you the night out that you deserve, but i wanna say what i think and not care what you think about it.’ he admits to catering to what audiences want from him, but resents both the audience and himself in the process as it reveals to himself which parts of his character are solely for the sake of people watching him.

within bojack horseman, this concept is applicable not only to the protagonist, but to the various forms of performer demonstrated in the plot. towards the show’s end, sarah lynn asks ‘what does being authentic have to do with anything?’ to which herb kazzaz responds, ‘when i finally stopped hiding behind a facade i could be at peace.’ this highlights the fact that because entertainers are demanded to continue the facade, they do not receive the opportunity to find ‘peace.’ this sentiment is scattered throughout the show, through a musical motif, the song ‘don’t stop dancing.’ the song stems from a life lesson bojack imparted to sarah lynn at a young age, and becomes more frequently used as the show progresses and bojack’s situation worsens.

sarah lynn is also used to explore the value of entertainers; in the show’s penultimate episode, she directly compares her work as a pop icon to the charity work of herb, arguing that if she suffered in order to produce her work. it has to mean something. she lists the struggles she faced when on tour: ‘i gave my whole life...my manager leaked my nudes to get more tour dates added, my mom pointed out every carb i ate, it was hell. but it gave millions of fans a show they will never forget and that has to mean something.’ implicit in this notion is the idea that entertainment is the epitome of self-sacrifice. there is a surplus of mentally ill individuals within the industry, largely due to the nature of the industry itself, but some may argue that the cultural grip the industry has, and the vast amounts of respect and money it generates annually, gives the suffering of these prolific individuals meaning.

the juxtaposing responses entertainers feel towards their audiences manifest as two forms of desperation: the desperation to be an individual who is held accountable, and the desperation to be loved and validated. we see both bojack and bo depict how they oscillate between ‘this is all a lie’ and ‘my affection for my audience is genuine’, or between ‘do not become infatuated with me im a character’ and ‘please fucking love my character i do not know how to be loved on a personal level.’ bojack explicitly asks diane to write a slam piece on him and ‘hold him accountable’, similar to bo’s song ‘problematic’ in which the hook includes the phrase ‘isn’t anybody gonna hold me accountable?’ for his insensitive jokes as a late teenager. their self-awareness is what enables their self-evaluative qualities, but self-awareness is its own issue. bojack grapples with a narcissistic view of his own recognition of his behaviour before settling on a more nuanced, albeit depressing take. originally he makes the assumption that in recognising the negative aspects of himself, he is superior to those who behave similarly: ‘but i know im a piece of shit. that makes me better than all the pieces of shit that don’t know theyre pieces of shit.’ eventually, during his time at rehab he is forced to reconcile with the fact that self awareness does not, to put it bluntly, make you the superior asshole, it just makes you the more miserable one. the show does, however, make a point to recognise how the entertainment industry protects ‘pieces of shit’, prioritising their productive value over how much they deserve to be held accountable, demonstrated using characters like hank hippopoalus. the show itself obviously stems from the entertainment industry, as it is a form of media produced by netflix, one of the most popular streaming platforms available. bojack horseman and bo burnham represent the small corner of the industry that is reflective enough to showcase the damage it inflicts. this is powerful in terms of education and awareness, and urges audiences to question their own motives and versions of performance, but the reflection alone is not powerful enough to help the artists in question. burnham’s candid conversations surrounding his mental health continue to reveal a plethora of issues somewhat caused or sustained by the nature of his career. within bojack horseman, bojack is only able to stop hurting other characters when those characters construct a situation that forces him to face consequence, his introspection alone is not enough. while bojack ends on a message of hope, suggesting to the audience that reverting back to the status quo is not the only acceptable way for events to end, it leaves stinging lessons and social commentary with the audience regarding the unnatural and damaging narrative that performers live through. on a similar but markedly different note, bo burnham’s work and personal progression is playing out in real time, and not in a way that is as raw and genuine as it appears. each bit is planned, even the most vulnerable moments that appear unplanned and painful. his latest special is not entirely devoid of hope, but does translate to audiences as a somewhat exaggerated look around the era of social media and the development of performance, using himself as an example.

the absurdist humour that often acts as a vehicle for poignant statements or emotionally provocative questions is very specific to each media creator. bob-waksberg’s use of puns, tongue twisters and entirely ridiculous circumstances served to simultaneously characterise his points as an expected part of the show’s style of humour, similar to bojack’s emotional instability, but also to make them appear gut-punching in comparison to the humour. burnham’s work is similar in that poignant but blunt statements are often sandwiched between absurd and exaggerated jokes, making them stand out via contrast but not giving the audience too much time to dwell upon them as they are said. performance art is second nature to entertainers, and is presented a an issue that is infiltrating the general population via social media rather than solely affecting the ‘elites’. bojack horseman and bo burnham present the duality of artists simultaneously attempting to level the playing field and increase their chances of survival in the industry, and encourage audiences to know that everyone is bluffing and you’ll never have the right cards anyway.

i.k.b

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joontier · 3 years

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“V” | part one

synopsis: You zinged. With the captain. Who was human.

pairings: kim taehyung x female reader

rating: R (18+) | genre: smut, fluff, angst, crack, minor angst (as of now) ,fantasy, (unknowing) enemies to lovers trope; captain! taehyung x vampire! reader, based off Hotel Transylvania and Girl’s Trip! | warnings: plenty of sexual innuendos, explicit sex) (groping, fingering, exhibitionism,

word count: 13.1k

g/n: im splitting this into a two/three shot because i really wanted to post this bc the coward in me is afraid that if i finish and post the whole thing this app might crash on me ajfoiawjefiajwfa n e ways, enjoy this first part and please let me know what you think!

one. | two. | three.?

navi | m.list

Albeit recorded as one of the smallest countries in terms of area and population, the country of Tersnoa proudly boasts its multiple attractions and rich culture. As the nation’s economy depends heavily on tourism, Tersnoa is considered a hidden treasure amongst the genuine travelers - human and monsters alike.

Santa Shelea - the monster capital of Tersnoa, is located beneath the lush woods of the small country, hidden to the human eye. Entrance to the city you grew up in is a privilege given only to monsters, though it wasn’t always like that.

The city used to nurture human and monster liaisons, with relations surpassing mere diplomacy. Humans and monsters shared friendships that run deeper than their contrasts in physical attributes and their innate characteristics. It was a time when both parties realized they were so much alike in plenty of ways and respect was observed by all despite the differences in appearances and culture. Admittedly, monsters had more to sacrifice with these accords due to your more primal urges, but your kind made it work, for the sake of peaceful coexistence.

The other party, however, did not seem to share the same sentiments for long.

Santa Shelea was one of the few places left on Earth where monsters sought refuge as your kind of people were constantly drawn out of the places they used to peacefully live at by the humans themselves. You thought Santa Shelea was different - that these people you once even considered family wouldn’t push you away just like what the others did, but it wasn’t before long that the human citizens of the once-glorious city were going to change their minds.

These selfish, pompous humans conducted an uprising to protest against the presence of monsters in ‘their’ land. It was an awful time to have grown up in, being called a ‘monster’ in all senses of the word, especially from those people you have even considered friends. The human citizens conducted an uprising in Santa Shelea, protesting the presence of monsters in ‘their’ land, ultimately disturbing the peace of the city.

Humans burned your houses down to the ground, including your helpless mother in their supposed quest for peace. After having kept the harmonious liaisons for quite some time, your kind had gone back to your primitive instincts, fighting for your rights along with an army of beasts, hybrids, witches, and members of the undead. It was catastrophe epitomized, a day that no one wishes to relive.

It isn't fair to say that the monsters emerged victorious when so many had perished, your mother included. Eventually, these mortal beings realized there were no match for formidable creatures and soon took their leave of the once prosperous city. Soon enough, humans became history to monsters and vice versa.

Rebuilding your beloved city from scratch was no easy task, proving to be even more difficult with the agony that came with burying the past. To prevent any more man-made disasters in the future, the witches had agreed to cast a spell over Santa Shelea: that your city will forever remain invisible to the human eye.

And it has remained such until the present, appearing as part of the picturesque mountain ranges Tersnoa has to offer. Far from the city and beneath the mountains of lush forestry, Hotel Tersnoa stands tall in the middle of Santa Shelea - the city where monsters thrive. If you could only speak for yourself, the city could easily pass as the eighth wonder of the world.

Hotel Tersnoa isn’t the only legacy handed down from your great-great-great-grandfather (“G4 for short”, he’d offered one day, explaining that he had to ‘blend in with the now’). During the past millennia, he had also established a conglomerate of enterprises across the world. He’s even founded BloodHub, an international focus group centered on blood diseases and blood donations but you wouldn’t want to delve on the beginning and end of that.

The responsibility of taking over the hotel had been passed on to your father since then and his ardency for the hotel was unparalleled, the bequest of the hotel has surpassed the original Hotel Tersnoa of which your grandfathers had initially envisioned it to be. Your father would spend hours on end surveying every detail, nook, and cranny of the beloved establishment, barking orders left and right.

On top of being a father, he had busied himself with the responsibilities of a hotelier. Yet you knew deep down it was all but a façade to mask the void that your mother left in his heart. There were many nights you’d caught him staring into the distance in a secluded place, away from the hustle and bustle at the hotel. You loved your father dearly, wanting nothing else for him but the happiness he truly deserves.

When you had turned of age, you insisted on taking over the hotel in your father’s stead. You knew that your mother’s passing had been a toll too great to bear for your father, especially in a place where he is constantly reminded of her. You wanted him to enjoy his life, to bring back the life in his eyes, however ironic it may sound as part of the undead.

Your father had disapproved of the idea at first, reasoning out that it was too big of a responsibility to hand over. He’d told you that you were still young and he wanted you to enjoy your life while you still could. With your adamancy and endless prodding, you had finally convinced him to cave in. Besides, you’re pretty sure you’ll stay young for a long time.

As you have taken on the commitment of being the lady of the house, or hotel rather, your father spent his time moving from one place to another, taking on different identities so as not to reveal his real one. When you were just starting out with your duties as the new hotelier a few years back, he couldn’t leave you behind for a day, checking up on you every two hours just in case an emergency occurs. As if something drastic could happen when more than half of your customers are already dead.

Years pass by and hourly check-ups became daily ones and then weekly afterwards, until he calls you from halfway across the world every once in a while, just to tease you if the hotel was just as great as he left it. You hadn’t actually seen him in a year, apparently ‘busy’ with his new business venture in Amsterdam.

That’s why when you pick up his scent nearby, you momentarily stop in your tracks. It isn't exactly unusual for your father to have impromptu visits, but you’ve learned that it’s highly unlikely for your father to drop by at such a time like this.

He avoids peak season at Tersnoa like the plague, let alone a Friday the 13th special like today, in addition to the most anticipated week-long celebration of the hotel’s six hundred and sixty-sixth anniversary. Your father steers clear of times like these at all costs, always making up excuses to avoid the crowd and the stress that comes with it. So much for being the past manager.

You can’t really hold it against him, as it surely has been an arduous feat having run the hotel for almost two centuries. Even though you both laugh it off whenever you tease him about it, you know deep down he genuinely enjoys attending to his customers and making sure they get the best customer service.

A scoff escapes your lips when you see the infamous Drac-cape nearing. You’re mildly tempted to ignore him altogether, not wanting to be involved with someone who wore something that has run out of style decades ago. Secondhand embarrassment is a thing, and it’s very real.

You have already lost count of the times you’ve told him to get rid of the ridiculous piece of clothing, yet he dismisses you every time, clinging onto the nostalgic feeling that comes with the cape. In consideration of your request, your father had gone so far as acquiring the services of a handful of stylists to make some alterations to the design, and you have to say you’re pretty impressed with the outcome. What else could you have said? The Drac-cape was old but gold.

You’re about to greet him when a staff approaches you, holding out a folder with papers that require your signatures. Your father stands a meter away with a proud smile, watching you with fondness in his eyes. Once you finish with the papers, he calls out, “Ah, my princess,” arms wide open to greet you with a hug. He’s the first to pull away, hands still resting on your shoulders as he takes a good look at you. “You grow up so fast!” he says jokingly with a wide smile plastered on his face as he pinches your cheeks.

There’s something off though, something suspicious behind that painstakingly dubious grin on his face. Smiling wasn’t something your father was fond of doing especially in public - too deep into portraying the character of the dark and brooding Dracula depicted in human children’s stories. Plus, your fangs sometimes get in the way, so smiling isn’t really a preferable option.

Before you get the chance to ask about his sudden visit, another staff member approaches you, another folder in hand. Your father shoos you away before you object, dragged away by your duties for the millionth time tonight.

“What is it now?” you ask the skeleton beside you, every sound of his movement resembling that of a marimba. “Your presence is being requested by Ms. Catherine at her party, Countess.”

You’d almost forgotten your cousin Catherine had rented out the hotel’s rooftop to celebrate her engagement to her long-time boyfriend Jericho. You’ve already congratulated and apologized to her plenty of times prior to this day, already knowing that you won't be able to celebrate it properly because of the events being held at the hotel. With the hectic schedule you were running on, you just realized that you hadn't visited her all day.

It had been a very long week, and you were tired to the bone, but the guilt of not being physically present at her party was gnawing at you endlessly. Almost reaching the point that you forgot your father was just in front of you mere seconds ago - and now he’s disappeared, again.

Heeding to your cousin’s call, you decide to leave the area, leaving a puff of smoke behind you. You reappear the same way at the rooftop, just beside Catherine herself, who looked like she was hiding from someone, crouched behind a table.

“Who are you guys hiding f-” Unable to finish your sentence with Cat shushing you, you crane your neck up a little, glancing at the others who were in similar dispositions. Weren’t they all too old to do this in an engagement party? Or was this a new trend Cat wanted to start?

Your heart clenches nevertheless at the hilarious attempt to hide from whoever or whatever it is they were hiding from. It was quite the scene: an orange tentacle slithering its way to steal a cupcake by the buffet table, Barry Blob thinks he can camouflage as jelly, and Bigfoot was… well, let’s just say he was never meant for a game of hide and seek. The only monster one would have expected to be good at this was your uncle Griffin who was born invisible but he was always the one first spotted because he thinks wearing disguises like a hot pink wig (his choice of the day) would make him unnoticeable.

And yet this is what they supposedly call ‘hiding’.

“Is this the new norm during engagement parties? Hiding from the responsibilities of married life I see,” you suppress a snicker with your palm, and when Cat looks back at you to shut you up, she screams with such fright, alarming everybody on the rooftop.

“Surprise!” Mandy Mummy, one of your closest friends, appears from the other side of the table.

“You guys were meant to surprise me?” Your brows furrow. “Are you all sure? What’s the occasion?”

Frankie Frankenstein emerges from behind the bar, throwing a suspicious look at you. “You’re kidding me, right?”

You look at the others in the hopes of finding a hint behind what was really going on, but Cat beats you to it, extending her arms out as she beckons you closer, “I don’t know how a monster could possibly forget the day she was born, but we’re here now so, happy birthday my dearest forgetful cousin!” Cat gives you an extra slap on your ass in greeting.

Realization finally hits you, reminiscing the short moments throughout the day that had hinted on your birthday. You did see a few of your staff nudge each other in your presence, but you only thought it was because they were hesitant to say something when they knew that it had been a hectic week so far, tight schedules and all.

The rest of the crowd clear out, revealing themselves from their hiding places. Your father appears from one side, carrying a dangerously huge three-tiered cake.

Mandy approaches first, narrowing her eyes at you, “Wait, you seriously forgot your own birthday?” Cat answers in your stead, “She did,” while she points a finger to her temple, reiterating her capability of subjective precognition to the rest of the group.

“Uncle Drac! Can you remind me again how are we related?”

“I wanted to ask the same thing!” Your father exclaims, grabbing a glass of champagne from a gargoyle waiter and trailing off to greet his friends.

“Cat, you know I’ve been busy for so long, I don’t exactly have a birthday countdown every year to remind me of something that is...not really that significant.”

“______, I know we’re practically dead, but that doesn’t mean you have to live like one.”

“Why don’t you try living in my shoes then, hm?”

“I would, if they were Valentinos.” Unable to rack your brain for a smarter response, you roll your eyes at her instead. The guests start singing happy birthday in chorus as they near you. The night continues on a light note, people wishing you another year of happiness and prosperity, likewise congratulating your cousin for her engagement and her soon wedding.

As the conversation eventually moves on to wedding preparations, Frankie spills on the details of Cat’s plans for her bachelorette party. You weren’t so keen with the idea - not when this was the first time it had been offered by the people closest to you.

Bachelorette parties were primarily a human thing - some sort of commemoration of debauchery as you had understood from Google when you had looked it up a few years ago. These kinds of celebrations weren’t exactly included in your traditions but judging by the photos you’ve seen online; you’re sort of glad this wasn’t classified as the norm in your world yet.

Cocktail parties with half-naked bartenders? Masseurs drenched in vaseline? Topless butlers serving dinner? What was with having male nudity as the baseline for such an occasion?

You didn’t think this was going to be a trend in the monster-verse anyways, as your kind comes in different shapes and sizes and these parties just might end up with one seeing a lot more than necessary.

When you try to confirm the plans with Catherine, she just shrugs at you three, telling you all that it was going to be a surprise. You, Mandy, and Frankie groan in unison at her reply.

“Impatient much? You still have the whole day tomorrow to pack your things.”

“We’re going on a trip?! And you’re telling me about this just now? A day before our leave?!”

“Yeap. How long does it take you to pack your clothes?”

“Do you not realize that I have a whole ass hotel to manage? I mean it’s not like I don’t want to go but surely, all my responsibilities cannot be handed over in a span of twenty-four hours? Plus, our week-long six hundred and sixty-sixth anniversary special isn’t over yet! You could have at least told me two weeks ahead?”

Someone places a hand on your shoulder, and you look up to see your own father smiling at you. “You’re just like your mother, darling. Stop worrying so much!”

“Exactly why I told him instead,” Cat raises her eyebrows at you as she points to your father. “Catherine’s right. So, I’ll be taking care of the hotel while you girls have some girly time by yourselves,” he says, taking a sip of his drink.

“Are you sure you can handle Hotel Tersnoa?” Your father almost spits out the champagne as he looks at you incredulously. “Excuse me? Need I remind you who handed the hotel over to you?”

“I know, it’s just… a lot has changed. We’ve expanded the hotel, there’s now a theme park, and a new island has just been opened… it can be a lot…”

Your father dismisses your worries with a wave and a kiss on your forehead. “Nothing I’ve never done before. You’ll be back before you know it. What could possibly go wrong?”

Right. Your father’s words echo in your head.

What could possibly go wrong?

“A cruise?!”

You’d gone through hours of travel, your ass was hurting from the prolonged sitting, and Catherine had not once told you where you were headed, mouth zipped shut. And yet here you were, mouth agape in shock – the betrayal, the treachery, the deception.

Docked in front of you is a humongous white ship, honking its siren with all its might. You’re struggling with attempting to even comprehend the entire situation. Your cousin did not just drag you out of your hotel to another… hotel...on water.

“Welcome to the Bermuda Triangle, where you’ll embark on a monster cruise of a lifetime,” announces a fish-man or man-fish creature clad in a sailorman’s outfit (well he was definitely a fish, but had the limbs of man). All your expectations for this trip had just been obliterated by a singular monotonous, unidentifiable being.

“Psst. Why is your face like that? I heard the fare was astronomical!” Frankie whispers when Mandy squishes between you two, trying to get a brochure from a stall nearby.

Everybody knew Cat was more than willing to spend her money on anything she has set her eyes on (just like that exclusive collection of Hermes bags she has back home) and actively looks for other ways to spend her money (such is a costly cruise) so this trip didn’t surprise you as much as it did Frankie. You’re wondering though, how she found out about this cruise and why she intends to celebrate her bachelorette’s party here.

If a disinterested man-fish was tasked to welcome its guests, well, you can tell there’s really nothing much to look forward to here. You just hope this cruise will give her money’s worth, or rather, at least half of it.

“Hey! This looks amazing!” Mandy exclaims, flipping the colorful brochure over a couple times. “There’s even a waterpark, multiple dining options, bowling alleys, a theater…”

“Sounds like everything you can do…at the hotel!” You can’t help the rising pitch of your voice by the end of your reply while your friends laugh at your indignance. Mandy and Frankie ignore your protests, while Cat whispers near you, “Wait ‘til you see the itinerary!”

“Not you too?! Seriously though, I don’t get why you’ve chosen to do it here, instead of our own hotel…” you pout, head hung low.

Cat pulls you aside, letting the other passengers move forward, “Listen to me darling, alright? All these months, years, all you did was work and work and work again, we barely had any time to hang out together just like the old times, so I figured a break from all your customer service shenanigans and let yourself be served for once. Take a vacation from running everyone else’s vacation. Is that alright with you?”

Giving her an apologetic smile, you pull her into your arms for a tight hug. She wasn’t lying though when she said you had barely spent time with each other. Back when your father was still running the hotel, you’ve spent your early years always practically attached at the hip: from crying over your first boyfriends, through that emo high school phase, to pursuing several degrees, and to spontaneous trips halfway across the world when you were bored.

“Plus, Jer and I intend to start a family as soon as we get married, so these girl trips won’t come by often all the more.”

“You know I love you to the moon and back right? And will you stop making me feel like an aunt when I’m not yet one?! But, to be honest with you, that would be really cute though! Little you and little Jerichos running around… but you know, if Jer will come close to laying a finger on you, just say the word…”

“We zinged, darling. You have nothing to worry about. Maybe you’ll find your zing on the cruise too.”

You roll your eyes at her fondly. As if.

It doesn’t change the fact that you still have second thoughts about this trip. Begrudgingly, you climb up the stairs, sulking as you watch your friends and the rest of the group of the monsters huddle in excitement as they ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ at the cruise’s features.

When you spot a few of Hotel Tersnoa’s beloved patrons in the group that arrived with you, your heart sinks a little, refusing to believe a fancy cruise could ever question their loyalty to the greatest monster hotel known to your kind. Guess nothing ever truly lasts, even with the undead.

You had initially expected the ship’s interiors with no sort of identity at all, resembling an array of badly mixed cocktails, individually appealing yet when put together looks like a lousy rainbow (you swear it’s not the spiteful hotelier inside you that’s speaking). Much to your chagrin though, the imaginary cruise you had inside your head was definitely not the case at all.

The rest of the monsters behind you continue to marvel at the cruise ship. And, quite frankly, you too are quite impressed yourself, as much as you hate to admit it. You’d never though such modern, minimalistic styling could fit a hotel on water but this cruise just seems to carry it pretty well.

The moment you set foot on the carpeted floors of the cruise, you’re awed at what seems like a celebration of the beauty of mother nature with nearly all furnishings made out of organic materials and colors exhibiting earthly hues. To add to the experience, preserved palm tress line the corridors and chandeliers made of LED lights litter the varnished high ceilings. It was like land on water – if that made any sense at all.

Man-fish continues to lead your group through the hallways, until you arrive at the main deck, just as picturesque as shown on the brochure Mandy held onto earlier. You were starting to realize why your cousin was into this whole cruise.

The creature half your height goes on to share a little history on the cruise ship – known as the Legacy. Similar to your hotel, cruising lines was also a family business for decades but it was only this year that the owners decided to extend the lines from taking human passengers to making a whole ship exclusively for monsters.

As this was the vessel’s maiden voyage and with your group being the first batch of guests to ever board the ship, a welcoming event was to happen tomorrow night, and the creature mentioned something about having the official invites placed in your rooms along with your luggage.

Right on cue, the moment you lean on the railing to overlook the deck below, a marching band appears from the side – a whole parade of man-fishes clad in band uniforms and red and gold. There’s even a few of them who start doing acrobatics, the sight of which has Frankie giggling to herself as she comes up with the term ‘fishcrobats’. She claims she’s the punniest monster in the universe.

The lights on the deck dim suddenly, and bright bursts of color start shooting up from a deck above you, fireworks lighting up the evening sky. It was a breathtaking display, with the others spiraling upwards while the rest exploded into a thousand more sparks. The display continues for a few more minutes, until the band makes a drumroll and a spotlight moves across the length of the ship and points at someone across the deck.

“Woah…” Mandy gapes, words drawling out to a low whistle. “Who. Is. That.”

A man in an all-white dress uniform emerges from the upper deck. “Ahoy there! Welcome aboard! Bienvenido, Zdravstvuyte, Guten Tag, Bonjour! I am V, captain of the Legacy…” Applause follows as the fireworks die down completely. “And yes, I’m human, but don’t hold that against me.” The captain’s eyes scan the crowd until they meet yours. He winks.

As soon as the blonde-haired captain looks away, Frankie squeals in your ear. “He totally just winked at you!”

“No, he didn’t,” you retort, never having been so grateful for not having a pulse, else Frankie would have your heart beating out of your chest.

“Yes, he did.”

The two of you were about to start bickering about the wink when the captain continues, “I’m very excited to have each and every one of you onboard for our very first monster cruise!” As unusually graceful as nobody else could probably do, he slides down the railing of the stairs as if he were just gliding through thin air.

“You’ll enjoy gourmet dining, thrilling adventures, and non-stop entertainment – all on our way to our final destination: the lost city that isn’t lost anymore – Atlantis!”

Your jaw drops – not because Atlantis had ‘apparently’ been found, in fact, it was never lost in the first place; they just cut ties with surface dwellers because of damage brought about by water pollution. In your defense, it was the humans were uncontrollable with their despicable habits but you can’t really put the blame on the Atlantians. It was their home after all, and they only wanted to protect it. Just as you would with Tersnoa.

What truly surprised you though, was how he managed to snag a partnership with them when you had vying for one since you took over the hotel. Well, your business proposition was never officially offered on the table, but still! Perhaps, if you made an entrance as grand as him, you would have succeeded though.

It was getting crowded where you stood, and Mandy tugs at your hand, pulling you down to the lower deck. Begrudgingly, you go down the stairs, sulking as you watch your friends and the other monsters huddle in excitement. You even recognize a few of the other passengers who are likewise patrons of Tersnoa. Or at least they were, now. Guess nothing truly ever lasts, even with the undead.

He reaches the lower deck in no time, greeting the other monsters with a wave and a smile. When he nears and you get a better look at him, you feel your entire body shudder – in a strangely delightful way, wave after wave of this electric feeling reaching until the very tip of your toes.

It feels as if every vein inside of you is pulsating, despite being practically dead. You felt…alive. A million thoughts rush through your head, with your gut feeling telling you something that is almost unmistakable. You have never, ever felt this way before but your intuition tells you this is the exact embodiment of the stories you’ve heard so many times in your lifetime. Could it be? Was it even possible?

The sensation was inexplicable, foreign too, yet it felt right. Like… like it was meant to be, perfectly destined in the most peculiar of ways. Digging through your purse, you retrieve the small mirror inside made specifically for vampires. Taking a quick glance of your reflection on the glass, you take notice of your irises that have turned purple, almost lavender in color. Gulping, you return the mirror into your purse at once, confirming your suspicion.

You zinged.

With the captain.

Who was human.

Frankie nudges your shoulder when she notices you stiffening beside her. “Is everything okay?” You feel your friend’s blue, stitched hand land on your shoulder. Giving Frankie a short reassuring nod in response, she shrugs it off, not before hearing her mumble about noticing something different with your eyes. Thankfully, the manifestation of the zing comes in different ways with every monster specie, so Frankie wouldn’t get the hint that you’re in deep, deep trouble.

Years of listening to stories of your culture and traditions rush to your head, all with the same words resonating throughout your brain. ‘It can make you cry; it can make you high; but, one thing a zing never does is lie – for it stays with you until you die.’

Shaking your head, you attempt to rid your thoughts of this man. He shouldn’t be your zing; he can’t be your zing. This was a huge mistake. The must’ve made a mistake. How could the very kind of people who murdered your own would also be the one designated for you – a soulmate, in human’s terms. You don’t even know how you're supposed to react to such a thing. Was it a curse? A blessing perhaps?

You continue to watch the man in silence. Sweet baby Jesus, the visuals this man was bestowed with. Maybe the man up there was real after all, and he had spent all seven days to craft this ethereal being. Even if he was meters away, his mere presence already makes you weak in the knees – considering the fact that you really haven’t officially met the person.

With his almost unrealistic face, you’re left wondering if your bodily reactions were caused by your zing or the captain really holds such prowess over creatures of all kinds. You wonder if it’ll be easy to forget your painful past and move forward? Trust the zing like all monsters do?

After promulgating the greatness of the monster population and how big of an honor it is for him to hold the first ever monster cruise, he also apologizes afterwards on behalf of his fellow humans for the mistreatment of your kind, drawing nearer and nearer to your group, eyes trained on you when he’s not busy welcoming the other monsters.

In an attempt to keep yourself from trembling, you clasp your hands together. Momentarily taking his eyes off you as he greets another guest, Mandy leans toward you and nudges your rib, “That, my friend, is what you call: a hottie. Go get him, tiger!” Blinking your eyes, you recollect yourself, giving her a dubious look, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Honey, anyone with a single working eye can confirm to themselves that the captain has been hand-sculpted by the gods themselves. And don’t tell me you don’t notice the bed eyes he’s giving you the whole time,” Mandy chortles bandaged shoulders bumping against your own as she does. “Deny it all you want now, darling, but I have this gut feeling that the love boat will be sailing very soon.”

Just then, as if on cue, the captain makes a beeline for your group, a small sultry smile playing on his lips. You feel like your insides wanted to crumble into sand and disperse into thin air. God, the things this man does to you…Rather, the things you want him to do to you. Now, your own brain betrays you with inappropriate thoughts and he’s currently in front of you looking like a whole course meal. He has such pretty eyes too and oh- this is bad. This is very bad.

“Ah, if it isn’t the one and only Countess Dracula,” he says, voice low as his eyes bore themselves into your soul (as if you still had one). “May I?” The captain takes your hand in his and gingerly places a kiss on the back of your palm. You’re rendered speechless by the small gesture, while the rest of your friends gape at the captain like he had suddenly grown three more heads.

“I’m known as V around here,” he keeps your hand in his, and you’re instantly all too conscious of everything – what if your hand was too cold for him? Or too clammy perhaps? All your worries are diminished when he doesn’t seem to take notice of any of your present worries, tugging you closer to him as he inches towards your face, warm breath fanning against your cheek, “but you can call me Taehyung.”

He pulls back just as slowly, sending you and your friends an innocent boxy smile. “Guess I’ll be seeing you lot around! Please enjoy the cruise. And remember, if there’s anything you need, feel free to approach me anytime.”

Walking away to attend to his captain-y duties, the three other girls gather around the moment he’s out of sight. “What. Was. That.” Catherine questions, punctuating each word with numerous blinks.

“I’ve already sent a prayer to Anubis to take care of our dear ______’s departed soul,” chimes Mandy, waving a hand in front of you in the hopes of taking you out of your shock.

“Whoosh! There goes _______’s undies!” Frankie adds as she throws her head back in laughter. Your cousin tsks at them to get them to stop teasing you, but with the smirk she’s sporting on her face, you’re certain she’s going to bring this up sooner or later.

With a deep sigh, you hang your head low. This was going to be a long vacation.

Right after Taehyung stages the entrance of the century and greets the cruise’s guests, he discreetly makes his way to a less crowded part of the ship and walks briskly along a dimly lit hallway. Pushing forward an inconspicuous panel on the wall leading to a secret passage, Taehyung silently makes his way done to the lower level of the ship.

The stateroom is almost pitch black as he enters; Taehyung feels his way through the room, solely relying on muscle memory to head to the bedroom. When he turns on the light to check on his great-grandfather, the old man squints, croaking out Taehyung’s name. Rushing to the elder’s side, the dutiful great-grandson pours water on the glass by the bedside table.

Taehyung perches himself on the edge of the bed, taking his great-grandfather’s frail hands in his own. “Dracula – is he on board?” the old man rasps, voice almost whispery. “No,” the younger man shakes his head in denial, “but his daughter is.”

The former winces a little when he tries to shift in his bed, “Even better. Tear him apart by slowly taking his loved ones away from him one by one. Let him feel the pain we had to go through.”

The blonde-haired captain sighs when his great-grandfather coughs again, wheezing as he does. “Promise me you’ll avenge our family, Taehyung. I’m not sure if I’m going to make it any longer, but if I won’t…” he coughs, the strain on his voice evident. “Grandpa, it’s okay, it’s going to be okay.” The old man waves his hand, dismissing Taehyung, “Promise me…for your mother, for your father, and the rest of our family. You and I are the only ones left, my dearest great-grandson. We have no one else to rely on but each other.” The old man’s hand clasp weakly against Taehyung’s.

He tucks his great-grandfather in his bed, and waits patiently for the old man to fall asleep before leaving the room.

You and the girls roam around the deck for a little longer, before deciding to call it a night and head to your rooms. It’s quite the walk all the way there, but as you get farther from the hustle and bustle of the crowd and onto a more secluded part of the vessel, not to mention the rooms are getting father apart from each other, you suppose Cat had picked the best suites available on the cruise. Typical.

Not putting much thought into it with exhaustion taking over your body, you tiredly take a half body bath and head to bed.

Rising a few hours later, you plan on checking out your cousin’s accommodation choices. Just as man-fish had mentioned the night before, there was in fact an invitation placed on top of your bedside table, the gold linings too attractive to miss out on. How could you have possibly missed it though, is all up to your fatigue last night, far too tired to even scan the room.

Heading to the kitchen first to make yourself a cup of coffee, you’re greeted by the beautiful glow of the sunrise as you exit your bedroom. You’re momentarily stunned by the beauty of it, as it was your first after a long time to see the sun, or at least a quarter of it. Contrary to popular belief, sunlight doesn’t incinerate vampires, nor does it make you vanish into thin air. In fact, the closest stories had gotten to your biological truths was that sunlight made you weaker – sort of, because the only explanation for it was that you get really bad sunburn under its rays. But that’s nothing a small bottle of Witch Republic’s Suncream Lotion SPF 5000 can’t fix.

Equipped with a 60-inch smart television mounted on a wall, an equally large painting was hung across the room, serving itself as the background for the sitting area.

The fittings are generously provided for, if the room truly claims it to be a suite for couples: a settee is placed in front of the television for viewing purposes, and another is placed vertically across for lounging and enjoying the view of the balcony.

The balcony – was magnificent in all senses of the word. From a picture on the tiny ‘Legacy’ booklet you grabbed from the table, there really wasn’t much to a panoramic view of the sea but as you pass through the wide windows, the beautiful orange glow from the dawn adds a lovely burst of color in the predominantly monochrome furnishings of the room.

You inhale deeply, breathing in the fresh sea air. You spend a few more moments there, leaning over the balcony until Frankie ruins your moment from a couple of meters away, calling you loud enough for the rest of the ship and the Atlantic Ocean to hear. She drawls your name out, screaming her excitement over your rooms. “I haven’t slept like this since I got my arm re-stitched!” You laugh at her before waving and returning to the sitting room.

A part of you was taking mental notes – possible additions and improvements to your hotel, yet the other half of you wants to allow yourself to enjoy small pleasures like these. Maybe Cat was right all along, that you needed a break from running the hotel and truly relax for a while. With the size of this suite though, you can’t help but wonder if Cat got you all the couple suites solely for your enjoyment or hers.

You decide to take your mug of coffee with you to the balcony and breathe more of the satisfying sea air until the sun rises in its entirety and you retreat back to your room, wanting to sleep in the warm duvet of your bed once more. Maybe this vacation won’t be that bad after all.

Shopping with Catherine was never an easy task. If you could say so yourself, shopping with your cousin was a whole workout on its own.

It’s been three hours since she’s dragged you, Mandy, and Frankie out of your rooms and offered you a shopping spree and free lunch. Who was one to deny such graces? Even when all three of you knew you all would end up following your cousin wherever she went until you’d all complain about how she has to take too long when she always ends up buying everything she sees anyways.

As you stare at your seated self by the full-length mirror, you start to have second thoughts about discontinuing that beginner’s program subscription in yoga before you let Catherine drag you out of the comfort of your room. Sighing in defeat, Frankie turns to you with a similar expression on her face.

Starving, the three of you leave Cat momentarily to look for something to eat, and at the sight of a frozen yogurt stall across the hallway from where you’re seated by the Chanel windows, you and the rest of the girls immediately saunter towards the quaint stall.

While you wait for the girl to finish up your orders, your eyes are busy wandering all over the place in an attempt to count how many shops and boutiques they managed to allocate inside the cruise ship. Guess your hotelier side is already one with your true self.

As you watch a loud group of male monsters exit the arcade nearby, you catch sight of someone awfully familiar: the last face you’d want to see when you’re stuck inside a cruise ship for a few weeks.

Your eyes follow the group, wanting to make sure your eyes are not playing tricks on you. Like a hawk, you watch the group closely – one man in particular, yet he won't seem to look in your direction. You wanted to forget all about it and pretend you didn’t see anything, but you figure this is going to cause you a number of sleepless nights if you don’t. Quickly, you resort to a plan that will have to cost you more energy than just observing, but you were determined to make sure that it was really him.

Focusing your vision on a nearby potted plant, you make the clay vessel move an inch as you try to catch his attention. The first try doesn’t work and neither does the second. Hell bent on your resolution, the third time works the charm (obviously with a more significant amount of distance the plant has moved).

Your suspicions are confirmed – it’s truly him.

Just like that, all sorts of emotions course through you and you feel the corners of your eyes starting to well with tears. He laughs at something one of his companions say, and you feel your heart clench as you look at the same smile you fell for years ago.

It’s takes you a while before you process somebody has been calling you name several times, then you see Mandy waving her hand in front of you. “You okay there? What happened?”

Etching an ingenuine smile on your face, you turn to face her as she hands you the dessert, “Nothing…just thought I saw someone familiar…”

“Mhmm,” Frankie hums, scooping a large portion of yogurt into her mouth, “as long as it’s not you-know-who, then it’s irrelevant,”

“Actually, I think it is him.”

Frankie chokes on the sliced strawberry topping she just ate. “What?!” Mandy places a hand on your shoulder, an apologetic look on her face. “Don’t tell me that fucker is also here?!” Shushing her quickly, you reach out to her to tug at her arm to keep her quiet.

“What fucker are you talking about?” Catherine questions, approaching the three of you with two extra paper bags in her hand. Frankie keeps her mouth shut, thankfully while Mandy comes in to the rescue. “Frankie was just talking about how fucking tasty this froyo is. In fact, I think so too – would you like to try some?” The girl offers her cup, eventually feeding Cat with a spoonful of fruity toppings.

The subject is quickly diverted and as your cousin rummages through her bag to look for the cruise’s official pamphlet, both Frankie and Mandy give you a knowing look.

“Lunch anyone?” You propose to the other three, already wishing you’d soon be forgetting about even seeing your ex-fiancée earlier.

You’d gotten back to your room around half past five, nearly collapsing to the floor after hours and hours of shopping with your cousin. The girls had agreed to use your room to prepare for the party later (one discussion you don’t remember agreeing to) and had gone around the sitting area, placing their bags done and going through their purchases.

You, on the other hand, had gone straight to the kitchen to look for something to drink. Besides, you just know they’re going to ask for something too later on, so you just grab a few bottles of water for the girls. As you rested against the cool fridge while opening a bottle of your own, you spot a punnet of strawberries sitting on top of a counter.

“Did any one of you bring strawberries here before we left?”

When they chorused their replies of denial, you check the strawberries warily, lifting them off the marble top. You hear something slide down when you open the container. A card came in with the strawberries.

Returning to the living room with strawberries in one hand and the card in the other, Frankie stands from the settee and snatches the card away from you. She waves the small piece of paper in the air, claiming it was a love letter. “Dear _______, I really think you’ve got a wonderful smile, but it’d be better if it was the only thing you’ll be wearing tonight!” she says, pretending to read the note.

“What?! You’ve already made a move without telling us about it? Lemme see!” Mandy exclaims, running after your stitched friend.

“Oh!” Frankie says, pointing to the sky, “Looks like we might be expecting a few inches tonight, hmm?” she adds, snickering as she pokes the inside of her cheek with her tongue repeatedly, and rather inappropriately.

“Y’all disgusting really. ‘M going to shower.”

“Make sure you don’t have too much fun with the showerhead!”

“Fuck you Mandy!”

“I would if you were my type!”

Catherine waits until she hears the water running before turning to her two friends left at the sitting area. “I’m worried.”

“About?”

“My cousin.” The eldest of the girls says, tapping her nails against the couch – a nervous habit. Frankie sets the card back down and nests herself on the carpet just across Cat. “What is there to worry about?”

“This thing between my cousin and the captain?” Carding her fingers through her hair, she closes her eyes before continuing, “Does the fact that he’s human not bother you…at all?”

“The dude’s harmless! And he better think it through when he tries to do something – he’s literally in a ship full of monsters. Do something dumb, he can get his head bitten off in no less than two seconds.”

Catherine is not convinced.

“Plus, I’m sure it’s just a one-time fling – surely, ______’s smart enough to know that. I just firmly believe that one must get laid regularly because penetrative sex is medicinal. And who knows? There might be cobwebs down there already!” Frankie adds.

Cat flings a brochure at Frankie before scrolling through her phone’s gallery then stopping at a portrait of you and her. “I’m just concerned about _____’s wellbeing. This is the most time we’ve spent together for the past two years, and I’m not even sure if she’s fully recovered from what she’d been through with you-know-who.”

“Even worse, what if she falls for the dude? Or she zinged? Or they both zinged?!”

“Hey, hey…” Mandy scoots over to Cat’s side and wraps an arm across her shoulder, “you’re overthinking now babe, and! This is your bachelorette party, stop worrying about stuff. _____ is a strong, independent woman. If she can handle the best hotel in monster history, then handling a man will be too easy.”

“Come out already!” Mandy whines impatiently from outside, knocking impatiently on your bathroom door. You smooth a few creases on your dress before you open the door to reveal your outfit. Shock was a heavy understatement. Cat’s usually beautiful features twist into one of distaste, Mandy pretends to gag at the sight, and Frankie avoids your gaze as she purses her lips.

You can’t help the nervous laugh that escapes your throat when they look at you up then down, scrutinizing your fashion choices.

“What. The hell. Is that?!”

“Why are you too covered up?”

Their hostilities continue as you give them a twirl, genuinely confused with their reactions when there’s absolutely nothing wrong with choosing a long-sleeved rayon blouse with ruffles in the front and a green pleated skirt.

“You didn’t tell me you’re meant to apply for the queen’s secretary?” Frankie questions, rummaging through your luggage.

“You mean Queen Elizabeth I?” Mandy adds, snickering along with the rest of the girls.

“Hey! G4 says she was pretty! And educated for her time too!” you cry in protest.

“Same with you darling. But it’s a party we’re attending and not a royal appointment, so will you do me a favor and wear this instead?”

Your mouth falls agape in shock.

“What?! This dress is… is barely covering anything!” You look closely at the satin blood-red piece of clothing as Catherine hands it to you. Needless to say, just looking at it was a cultural reset.

“Glad to know you’re unaware of that point.” Mandy butts in, “you’ll be happy to know that this dress will get you a man in no time either way.”

“Either way?” Frankie questions before leaving your room to looks for heels to go with your dress.

“Yeap,” the mummy replies, touching up her make-up, “Either you get a man who will cover you up or you’ll find one who will gladly take it off for you later tonight

Catherine coughs, “The captain,” winking at you while she pushes you towards the bathroom, “Chop chop now dear! We still have a party to attend to tonight!”

The party is already in full swing by the time the four of you arrive. The crisp, chilly air hits your face as you get to the main deck, and as you wrap your arms around yourself, you know you're already regretting having worn Catherine’s dress. Arms bare, half of your back out in the open, and a thigh-high slit? Really? A towel could’ve afforded you more modesty than this dress.

Mandy immediately heads to bar, leaving you all to ‘pick your poison for tonight’. Pursing your lips at your mummified friend, you trail after your cousin as she looks for a table to settle yourselves in. You scan the crowd, watching the other monsters move to beat of the music, and also, just in case someone you don’t want to see decides to show up again out of nowhere.

Mandy finds you shortly afterwards with a waiter trailing behind her, carrying a tray of ambiguous looking chalices. Oh boy.

This night was headed straight to hell.

Nearly an hour later, you practically waddle back to your table, breathless and throat parched as the desert. Catherine clings onto you like her Hermes Himalaya Birkin, just as exhausted as you were. Why do you always seem to forget that Mandy dragging your asses to the dance floor has never been the smartest choice?

The moment you get back to your table, you reach for the bronze goblet and down the rest of your drink. The distinctive burn has you keening, tightening your fingers around its stem. Beside you, Catherine coughs after she takes a sip of hers – “What the fuck is in this drink?? Methane?!”

“Throat…on fire…I feel like a fucking dragon,” you attest, voice raspy.

“That, my dear girlfriends, has been mixed by yours truly,” Mandy announces with a proud smile on her face. “I call it the Devil’s Piss.”

You shake your head at her, rubbing at your temples. Starting to feel the sweat break at your hairline, you want nothing more than to return to your suite and sleep the night away. Closing your eyes, you draw a calm scene inside your head: watching the sun set by your balcony as you sip on your hot chocolate –

Your dreams of orange skies and the soft breeze are cut short when you feel a tap on your shoulder. “Countess, the captain requests your presence on the bridge.” Your eyes follow the direction of where he was pointing and see a pair of eyes staring back at you.

Perhaps sleep could stay second on your list tonight.

Cat wiggles her eyebrows suggestively as you bow your head in embarrassment, your cheeks flushing when the rest of the girls whistle and howl as the man-fish stoically escorts you to the bridge. Once you arrive at the top of the stairs, the man adjusts your grip on his elbow as he gently takes your hand and stretches it forward for you to continue on by yourself. “The captain will be waiting inside, Countess” He bows curtly, and your left on your own to walk towards the bridge.

“Countess.” There’s the low timbre of his voice again, sending shivers down your spine effortlessly as you close the door behind you. He doesn’t speak after that, just taking in what you’re wearing tonight, subconsciously biting on his bottom lip as he takes in the outfit your friends have chosen for you.

Every step you take is wobbly, like your legs have turned into goo. The chilly breeze up here is likewise not helping your skin already prickled with goosebumps.

“_______,” Taehyung grabs your hand and gently places a kiss on the back of your palm. Another strike of electricity shoots up your spine at the small gesture. Goodness, what the hell was going on with you?

“Y-you don’t have to do this e-every time we meet.” Inwardly cringing at your shaky voice, you look away and exhale deeply in an attempt to calm your nerves.

It doesn’t help.

Especially not when the captain is less than an arm-length away, and being able to see him this close is doing dangerous things to you. “This is the first time I’ve been on a ship’s bridge,” you comment lamely, keeping the conversation on a sane note. The thirsty ass hoe inside you doesn’t seem to approve of the idea though, unfortunately.

“Really now? How is your first time on the bridge then?”

“It’s…different.”

“Different? How so?”

“Different from trying to run a hotel I guess, which was all I was doing for the past few years…It’s an unlikely comparison, I know, but being here…it’s like you get to oversee everything from the bridge, which I never get when I’m back home, like…you know you’re in control?” You were merely blabbering at this point, but then again, your brain loses control of your bodily functions when you're in close proximity with this man.

“You like being in control then?”

The tiny creaking sound coming from the floor tells you he’s taken a step closer to you, and the warmth coming from him is driving you insane. Damn this bloody dress of Catherine. You’re at a loss for words, neurons short-circuiting at both his question and how it’s equally chilly and hot at the same time in this small space.

It’s too much for you to handle, too much that you can't seem to find the appropriate words to voice out a reply, instead, you just turn around to face him. A gasp escapes your lips when you accidentally bump into his chest when you do so.

“Oh! Crap! I-I’m sorry…” You apologize meekly, fiddling with your hands and refusing to meet his eyes at all costs. The captain places your chin between his fingers and lifts your face for him to look at. He doesn’t say a word either, instead, just leans down and captures your lips in a feverish kiss.

Surprised – was an understatement. You hadn’t really expected him to call you over to the bridge and the next thing you knew he’s already kissing you. He immediately pulls away when you don’t reciprocate, apologizing profusely and mumbling about misplaced affections.

“No!” You exclaim, causing the captain to jump a little. You gather your courage and rub at your temples. “I mean…Captain V, your affections have not been misplaced, it’s just this…monster thing that has me acting like this the whole time, and I really have zero control over it and…”

You don’t get to finish your sentence as you feel his warm, moist lips on yours again. His strawberry-tasting lips glide over yours smoothly that you find yourself leaning towards him as you melt into the kiss. You’re first to pull away this time, breathless. “Forgive me, Countess…I’ve been wanting to do that since I first laid eyes on you on this ship,” he says, cupping your face as he rests his forehead against yours. “So beautiful,” Taehyung whispers against the shell of your ear and trails a finger from your cheek and eventually down to your collarbones as he ogles the cleavage Cat’s dress had generously given you tonight.

“Taehyung.” He places a lingering kiss on your shoulder. “Call me Taehyung, please.” He smooths his hand over your hips, tightening his grip as he pulls you closer and kisses you once more. You feel something hard against your stomach – oh. Your mouth parts when he starts to grind, slowly and devilishly against you and he takes this opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth, deepening the kiss.

His gaze darkens when he sees the expanse of skin the slit of your dress reveals as you shift your legs, thigh now out in the open. Attaching his lips to yours again, Taehyung distracts you from the way his slender fingers dance their way up dangerously near your core.

Your head bows in embarrassment when you remember Mandy checking if you’d worn the right underwear earlier, ‘If they’re not lace, they have to go.’ So when she busted inside the bathroom as you were changing into Cat’s clothes earlier and saw your favorite cotton panties (with an embroidered flower on the front), she quickly rips the material in distaste, strongly suggesting that commando is the way to go. It won't be long until Taehyung discovers –

“No panties huh?” Taehyung observes, voice low and deep. “Yes,” you reply breathily, closing your eyes as you ignore how you're throbbing all over in such a short period of time. You try to regain your wits back, your first zing too overwhelming that everything seems like a haze.

With a new, albeit questionable, surge of courage, you move your hand to palm him through his pants. When Taehyung bares his neck to you to elicit a groan, your head subconsciously dips towards the spot where you feel his pulse the strongest. In an instant, your primal instincts begin to take over you, baring your fangs and grazing them dangerously against his skin.

Holy fuck.

This man was going to be the cause of your death.

It’s been a while since you’ve been in close proximity with a human, and being this close to the captain has stirred up something inside of you that you never knew still existed.

Back in the days when humans had mingled freely with your kind, witches had placed suppressants in the Tersnoan atmosphere so that a monster’s primal instincts won't ever be able to take over your diplomatic selves.

Now that you were much older with fully developed senses, being this close to a human with no suppressants whatsoever had inevitably awakened your inborn vampiric tendencies.

Needless to say, your generation of vampires had gone ‘vegetarian’ in a sense. Your lifestyle no longer consisted of hunting down people for food, but you opted for a healthier alternative and a more convenient source of food: coconut juice. Besides, human blood never really came in highly recommended by the older generations, claiming it tasted like loneliness and despair.

What they failed to warn you of, however, was how intense the urge was once you were only a hair-breadth away from a human being who is very much alive. The temptation was getting stronger by the second, and the pulse coming from Taehyung’s jugular vein was ringing loudly in your ears.

Both the desires of hunt and lust were slowly taking over you, your judgment, and your irises, and your lips quake ever so gently at the excitement coursing through your veins. As you feel your irises change its color from their natural ones, to purple then to gold afterwards, the surprise in Taehyung’s eyes has gotten prominent, yet, with astounding self-control, he manages to keep the rest of his body calm and collected.

He gulps at the small smirk that plays on your lips, “To answer your question, I like being in control,” you say lowly, grazing the tip of your nail against his jawline, “but only when the need arises so.”

For a moment, you sense his fright with your golden eyes and fangs on display, but you feel it dissipate quickly when you bunch his shirt in your fists and pull him closer to you. Taehyung then takes this as a cue to continue his torment of his featherlight touches, causing you to lean against the wheel as your head falls backward at the sensation.

Brazenly, he hooks a hand under your thigh and wraps your leg around his hip, allowing himself to grind harder against you, the friction of his dress pants against your bare heat sending you to a state of near delirium. The moment is cut short however as you both hear footsteps approaching the bridge. The captain puts your leg down as abruptly as he hooked his arm underneath it earlier.

As you wait for the two man-fish creatures to pass by the wheelhouse, you and the captain keep a modest gap between each other, letting the staff move across the bridge and until they take their positions by the front portion of the deck. Just as if the captain wasn’t groping you merely seconds ago.

The moment they’re out of sight, Taehyung closes the distance between the both of you, resting his weight on you as he presses you further onto the wheel of the ship. Subconsciously, you bite your lip as you feel his boner practically begging for your attention.

His actions are hastier this time around, and quite frankly, you're glad he has managed to equal the same level of urgency you had. You don’t know how long you’ll be able to hold onto your sanity with the heat pooling in the pit of your stomach. Else, you’d be taking the matter in your own hands.

Every contact of Taehyung’s skin with yours has you skin ablaze, and you’re unsure if it’s due to the (partly) shameful fact that you haven’t been this intimate with someone for the past few years that you're this responsive. He’s fondling your breasts with one hand, unabashedly tweaking and playing with your nipples. The other hand is busy squeezing your thighs, fingers dancing lightly across the exposed skin of your leg.

Your breath hitches as he unexpectedly cups your bare mound, digits swiping against your folds. Body quaking at the feeling, your body leans forward, but Taehyung has other plans, tugging you back harshly to his chest. “You think you can stay still for me sweetheart? You wouldn’t want my staff to think we’re christening the bridge, do you?”

Maybe, just maybe, the thought didn’t sound so bad?

“Oh?” Taehyung hisses when he feels your quick intake of breath at the thought. He finds your clit seconds later, rubbing the nub languidly, “you seem to like the idea, hmm?”

“Taehyung, please,” you beseech, leaning towards his touch and grinding your hips against his palm in desperation. You’re uncertain if this was an effect still caused by the zing but at this point, you just wanted a release from his relentless teasing and you’re more than willing to work for it if you have to.

The captain revels in your responsiveness and as a reward, he complies with your request, quickening his pace and toying your clit with more vigor than ever. Your hands, previously just as busy groping Taehyung, now shoots out to grip at the helm, your high approaching rapidly. He inserts a long, dexterous digit to accompany his other hand, helping you reach your climax faster. A second finger has you reeling, gripping the helm even tighter than before, knuckles turning white at the sheer strength. One kiss on your neck is all it takes, orgasming so hard that Taehyung has to hold you still lest you lose your balance.

You're still panting a minute later, having turned around and resting your hands on Taehyung’s chest for support. You both stay like that for a moment in each other’s arms, until you’re brought back to reality by the captain’s boner brushing against your tummy. “Can I?” you ask as you look up to him, thumbing the waistband of his dress pants.

“_______, darling, as much as I’d want to you right here, there’s too many of my staff roaming around the bridge for the night. And if these creatures walking about isn’t bothersome enough, it’s the fact that fish don’t blink either…so there’s that…” Taehyung states before placing a kiss on your shoulder. “If you desire so, I’d gladly continue this in my room…” the captain offers, looking at you expectantly as another pair of the fish men round the deck.

“I think we should go with that.”

He nods briefly, placing a wet kiss on your temple before taking your hand in his. Giddy as a teenager at the sight of her crush, you let him lead the way to his stateroom, unable to hide the shy smile on your lips. Once he leaves the wheelhouse to one of his first mates for the night, he squeezes your hand and continues on, palm contrastingly warm against yours as you walk to his room together.

“Did you enjoy the strawberries I had sent you earlier this evening?”

“Definitely. They’re one of the sweetest bunches I’ve tried in my life! Thanks for them by the way.”

“You did? They’re handpicked from our very own greenhouse on the ship!” Taehyung looks back at you with the brightest smile, eyes crinkling with the purest delight. Your heart crumples at the sight. How could the zing have possibly chosen this man for you – or worse, how are you supposed to deal with this type of duality?

One moment he’s brazenly fingering you inside the wheelhouse with blinkless staff roaming about and the next he’s talking about growing strawberries and how farming has been therapeutic for him. How is one man so devilish and wholesome at the same time?

Just like that, conversation flowed natural between the two of you: the similarities of having to run a hotel (as well as a heated debate on whether or not a hotel on land or on water is easier to manage), hobbies you enjoy on a spiritual level, and a few bits and pieces of him as Kim Taehyung and not the captain of The Legacy.

You’d just learned he doesn’t drink coffee, nor does he drink alcohol; he plays the saxophone and claims he’s pretty learned with the instrument; and that he loves taking photographs. In addition, he’d also told you about how he was born and raised in Korea hence the faint accent, but he’d grown up moving from place to place with his great-grandfather due to their family business, and that’s how their voyages helped him practice his English and even pick up a few foreign languages.

Your getting-to-know each other session is brought to a pause when the blonde-haired captain stops in front of a door in a dimly lit corridor. Quietly, he fishes for something inside his pockets, takes out his keycard and taps it against the door lock. Taking a peek from outside, you wait for him as he turns the lights on before following him inside.

Mouth agape as you enter, your eyes wander around his stateroom, marveling at the sheer grandeur of the captain’s living space. Just when you thought Catherine had given you and your friends the luxury of staying in a suite large enough to house a family of five, the captain’s stateroom on the other hand could easily pass for at least ten people.

Taehyung’s suite exactly looks like it came from a magazine spread, akin to a million-dollar apartment…at a high-rise residential tower…located in the middle of the busiest city in the world.

The captain lets you roam around his stateroom, a small smile playing on his lips as you gape over every detail in the room. It was modern interior design taking to a whole new level.

Monochromatic in a way, yet for some reason, he had it strategically designed to make it look more dynamic, alive somehow. You were no expert in the field of interior design, but with your modest experience in running a hotel (from choosing what type of cotton will be best for the beddings to organizing parties with more than a hundred participants), you could easily tell every nook and cranny of this room was heavily planned out.

Pointing at the stairs, you wordlessly ask for his permission if you could go up and check out the upper level. Taehyung doesn’t follow right after, momentarily heading to his kitchen. Significantly smaller than the lower floor, the second level houses his bedroom, with a heap of curtains serving as a divider and cover from those staying below.

His bedroom speaks more of him than any other part of the stateroom. Just as he mentioned earlier, there’s an open saxophone case on one corner, next to another black violin case. You also take notice of the makeshift tie hanger he’d made using the coat stand.

What truly catches your eyes though, is the array of photographs hung on the walls. It’s a mosaic of some sort, with photos spread from a corner then occupying half of the adjacent walls. Some are framed, some are printed on canvas, and a number are on photo paper and pasted on the beige wall. They’re caught on film, you reckon, with the distinct grainy resolution common amongst the photos.

Swiping your finger against the wooden frames of the pictures he’d hung, you study each photo thoroughly, trying to figure out the story behind each picture. There’s three more situated on his bedside table, Picking up the one with Taehyung smiling widely beside a boat’s mast.

“Ah, my first sail,” Taehyung says, taking a step near you. The tiny hairs on your nape stand at the feeling of his warm breath against your skin. All of a sudden, you realize he’s standing too close – too close for you to remain sane.

You keep the framed photo in your hands, yet your thoughts have ultimately flown far away from whatever story was behind the picture; like how you hear his heart beat a little faster.

“Enough about me, countess,” the captain whispers as he places a hand over yours and guides yours back down to the bedside table. For a second there, you’d forgotten

For a second there, you’d almost forgotten he literally had the same fingers inside you just a few moments ago and that you’re now reminded of the main and sole purpose why you’re here in his bedroom.

“What about you?” Taehyung sets the strawberries down next to the photograph, then tucks a few strands of stray hair behind your ear. Each teasing touch is driving you closer to madness, like every move of his is calculated as if he knows he has this effect on you.

Lamely, you echo his words, “What about me?”

“Do you still want to look at more of my photographs or shall we continue what we started earlier?” It’s so awfully quiet inside the room that you basically hear yourself gulp at his proposal.

Weren’t your bodily reactions enough to serve as an answer?

You wanted to act less naïve (and appear a whole less desperate) that you’d imagined giving him a proper answer in your head, but here you were, stiff as a gargoyle statue, cowering beneath the warmth radiating off Taehyung.

Thoughts too haywire, you're unable to rack your brain for an appropriate reply, so you return the question to him: one with a double purpose – for him to ponder on and for you to recollect yourself. “What do you want?” Slowly, you turn to face him, bracing yourself for the hormonal uproar you are to experience.

The captain pouts cutely while in thought before darting his tongue out to lick at his lips. Taehyung gently brushes your hair over your shoulder, fingers subsequently tracing the outline of your collarbone. “I want,” he starts off, toying with the strap of your dress and wrapping it around his finger, “to take this off.”

Letting him slide the straps off your shoulders, you inhale deeply, anticipation doubling by the second. With your shoulders tense, the straps fall only until your elbows. Taehyung notices your hesitation and tenderly takes your chin between his thumb and his forefinger, tilting your head up so he could face you properly.

“Hey, we don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

Feeling sorry for him having to deal with your worries, you cup his beautiful face in your hands, “I want to. I really do – it’s just…it’s been a while.”

You're grateful when he leans toward your touch, sending a soft smile your way. “Of course, darling, we’ll take it slow.” Relaxing your shoulders, the thin straps of your dress fall down the length of your arm with the rest of the fabric following shortly after.

Core throbbing immensely with want, you take initiative this time, claiming his mouth with a newfound sense of courage and urgency. Your knees threaten to give in when he matches the intensity of your kiss. With haste, you thumb at the zipper of his pants, causing him to trip on his own feet and fall forward.

The blonde-haired man brings you down to bed with him, stretching his arm out just in time to break his fall, making sure he’s not resting too much of his weight on you. “What happened to taking it slow?”

Taehyung is just as breathless when he helps you with your predicament with his pants. “Fuck it, there’s plenty of time for that later but I need you,” you pant, unable and unwilling to keep your hands to yourself – brushing against his clothed erection, sliding them against his defined chest, wrapping your hands by his neck to pull him closer to you…

“I need you now, inside me, please Tae…”

He withdraws from your body and kneels by the edge of the bed. Legs already shamefully spread and ready, Taehyung rummages through the drawers of his bedside table, looking for something. At the mention of condoms under his breath, you wave at him, trying to catch his attention.

He turns to you, eyebrows raised. “No need. Human sperm can’t get us pregnant anyways. Are you clean?”

“Got checked three weeks ago, that good with you?”

You nod your head, beckoning him over. Taehyung wastes no time, taking his boxers off to free his dick from the confines of his underwear. He crawls over to you and places a kiss on each of your thighs before taking his cock and sliding it against your wet folds.

He uses yours and his essences as lubricant, jerking himself off first before pushing the red tip of his shaft slowly. In consideration of your own pleasure, he doesn’t rush his entrance, just pushing slowly then drawing it back to prep you properly.

Taehyung continues with that, until your hand shoots out to grab him by his wrist, giving him a tug to let him know you’re ready. Silently, he nods, this time pushing his cock inside until he’s fully seated inside your warm walls. “So t-tight.” Taehyung shivers when you experimentally clench around him.

“Babe,” the captain breathes out while heat rises to your face at the term of endearment. “Please don’t do that again, fuck, I might just cum early if… if…” Taehyung falls silent again, groaning as you clench one more time, “you're just one naughty girl aren’t you?”

When you shrug your shoulders in reply, it’s like something inside Taehyung snaps because he gives you a playful smirk before thrusting harshly. You mewl at the feeling, fingers tugging at his hair in encouragement.

“Y-you're so big,” you cry out as he ruts his hips, the tip of his cock deliciously brushing against your sweet spot with every thrust. “Fuck,” Taehyung hisses, continuing the fluid motion of his hips, “your pussy was made just to take me then.”

He goes almost animalistic, thrusting even deeper, stronger as he chases his high. “Think you can cum with me sweetheart?” Taehyung queries, pushing his hair back when he feels the edges of his fringe tickle your cheeks.

Taehyung deftly finds your clit while he’d continued his torment with his hips, a single moan coming from your mouth is all he needs before proceeding with abusing your nether nub. It doesn’t take you both much after that, both your orgasm crashing over you like a tidal wave, one after the other.

A few more hours into the evening and you find yourselves still tangled in each other’s bodies, worshipping each and every inch of skin as you get overcome by lust over and over again.

Taehyung collapses to your side after what seems like… in fact, you’ve actually lost count of how many times you’ve climaxed. Panting, he looks at you with a smile reaching his eyes, “That was…” He’s at a loss for words but when he hears laughter bubble out of you at his cuteness, he joins in.

The laughter dies down, yet you’re still staring at each other – no words needed to explain what had just transpired between the both of you tonight. You stay still and contented, basking in the euphoric bliss. He says he can't stay awake any longer, bidding you a good night’s sleep and sweet dreams.

You manage to stay awake though, on the contrary, swearing to yourself you’d just seen his eyes flash lavender before falling into a deep slumber.

�� joontier 2020

Send me your thoughts? x

#bts smut #ficswithluv #bangtanhq #btsguild #btswritingcafe #ksmutclub #btsghostie #houseofddaeng #taehyung smut #taehyung x reader #kim taehyung #kim taehyung scenarios #bts x reader #bts imagines #bts scenarios #bts au fanfic #bts fluff

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monsterqueers · 3 years

Text

Nonhuman Still A Decade Later - An Essay

So ive been identifying as a therian for around decade now, and otherkin and fictionkin about 6-ish(7?). I never made huge amounts of insightful posts, and I don't have any hot takes to add to other people’s. My internet presence is largely a fandom one with a side of social justice things, and thus even if I did have something I felt worth saying on the topic beyond yet another awakening story or an explanation of my past lives and whathaveyou, the viewership would be small and those who might find worth in the post wouldn’t see it.

I am no greymuzzle, no queer elder, no ‘fandom old’, I was 12-ish and heard ‘therian’ on a furry podcast and went ‘oh, thats the word for how I am. Everything makes sense now’ and proceeded to lurk mostly thereafter. I don't have all that much wisdom, im just vibing over here. But, I can talk about what its like, ten years later.

'Growing Out Of It'

I mean, you might. You might realize you aren’t a wolf, or a angel, or a pikachu or whatever. You might work through your misanthropy and gender dysphoria and trauma and internalized woes and fraught teenage experiences and come out the other side finding you aren’t these things. There's no shame in that, and it does happen.

These no shame in having a past life that you used to ID strongly as, but don't anymore, or you find you were a different kintype than you thought, or that you were human all along, even years later.

You could still ID as the thing but its not as bright anymore- but rather how humans view being human; barely of note most of the time. You may go from shifting every day heavily to being slightly shifted at all times and spiking rarely.

BUT

But, not only does that not make your experience in-the-moment any less real, but it also could just never happen. You might never have how you identify fade or change.

It might sound scary, it might be scary in the moment, even, but there is nothing truly to fear from change like this, nor from discovering what you are, really. It is a new evolution of you. It may be sad, to say goodbye to a label you've had for so long, that helped you find friends, or got you through tough times, but it doesn’t fit anymore. Marie Kondo has the right of it- thank that label, that community, that identity, and move to what does fit- what helps you.

It might also sound scary, that you will be a nonhuman thing in a meatsuit that doesn't fit until you die, that you might not ever grow out of the uncontrolled shifting and the aching dysphoria and homesickness for places you have never been. And maybe it will never go away, but it will get easier. You will find coping methods, supportive people, have access to resources and help. Eventually, these things hurt less. You get used to it. You settle into your skin, even if it isnt the right one, its still yours.

Cringe

At this point, I am immune to cringe. You will get there too, probably. Im a plural, nonhuman, neurodivergent, furry, fictionkind, genderqueer and regular queer magic-using, anime-watching, kinky fandom freak of a pagan and im living my best life. I wear a collar in public every day. My face mask has a cat face on it and I plan to get more just like it. Im going to be adding a tail and claw gauntlets to my itinerary of everyday wear once I get something properly washable. At some point you just stop caring as much about how others perceive you. So what if what you do is embarrassing and weird? It makes you happy, right? You aren't going to get hurt wearing it? Then go for it! You have nothing to lose but your shame. People will try to shame you, that is true, but as time goes on, you will find you give less of a shit about if people laugh or stare. You can bottle it up, or you can be free. Just be sure to be safe.

The Disk Horse

Once you’ve been here awhile, drama becomes the same cycles- the same drama llama, different day. You’ve already seen that argument, years ago. You’ve read that thread, you were there for that community debate that settled how the forum would do things. You’ve seen the same types of trolls, the same bad actors pop up. It gets old, after awhile.

Maybe you used to have the energy to debate and discuss and keep up with all of that, but you probably don’t now. Or if you do, its simply to inform and lurk and not to debate anymore.

Your love of debate will fade when you have the same one every six months for ten years. Trust me.

Dunking on trolls and rude assholes and debating with KFFs and anti-kin and having intra-community fistfights is going to lose its shine, especially when you look back at the posts years from now and see how many hours you wasted typing at people who aren’t going to listen to facts and certainly wont listen to you.

Daily Life

Its- normal. I am a dragon, I am a cat, I am living life.

Personally, I have some past lives I no longer identify as that I used to- even though the past life is still there. I have kintypes i've since learned I had kinfeels of only because of other identity relations (paratypes, I believe the new word is called). I used to shift often, I don't much anymore, its a low-grade 20% all the time. Since figuring out and coming to terms with our plurality, some kinfeels were found to belong to people who are not me. We have access to buying things that alleviate dysphoria, we no longer have the horrible emotional state we had in high school that exacerbated nonhuman difficulties.

Life is good, strangely enough. And I am still a cat and a dragon in a human meatsuit (with some other folks in here with me!), and that is just how I like it.

All and all- whats being nonhuman like after ten years of having the same label? Normal. It feels comfortable. Like living. I have always been these things, and I very likely will always feel this way. I no longer feel shame for doing things I used to be scolded for, I no longer feel quite so discontent with my physical form, I feel whole (ironically, being many people in one body).

Its just...Living, but as a nonhuman. There isn't much more to say.

#therianthropy #therian #otherkin #alterhuman #alterhuman stuff #long post #hey look I actually have a post for once just being real nonhuman on main this week huh #rebloggable #idk what tags are in use u can tell how not connected we are lmao

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the-bjd-community-confess · 3 years

Text

More Divaz confos

Mod: Round two of these, previously: link. There’s some interesting customer reviews in this batch (5 and 8) which may be useful to readers.

1.Vic3mage "the secret bjdivaz vip group is just pictures of boxes coming in and going out". Yeah, between the bitching about d0llshe, asking people to post on doa for them, dunking on ex-customers, posting pics of random doll parts that they can't identify which doll they're supposed to go with, whining about how little money they make, whining when ppl e-mail them, whining. Yeah, other than that it's just boxes, and alpacas u can buy off amazon anyway lol.

~Anonymous

2.The butthurt users crying and guilttripping under every Divaz confession who have never been seen before elsewhere on this blog are extremely unsuspicious and unproblematic and definitely unconnected to Divaz and unbiased in every possible way

~Anonymous

3.idk shit abt bjd1vas but v1cemage i can absolutely tell you the shit about ch0o is 100% accurate, fucker's got a long, long history of being an awful little man that stretches well beyond his involvement in the doll community. between the two i'd still trust bjd1vas over ch00 ch00 the fool any day!

~Anonymous

4.The Z3st and Div4s thing is really silly and both entities were being shady but did they really have to take the DZ waiting room down with them? :( He had even made a separate thread about it......

~Anonymous

5. RE: BJD Divaz

I’ve been a customer of BJD Divaz since they first started, when it was only run by Chart3rline. I even contacted other BJD companies trying to persuade them to work with Divaz as their US representative. Most declined because they didnt like D's commission fee, but I was able to persuade a few of them.

I asked them to purchase a doll off DOA because I couldnt afford the asking price, and while they did, I found out later that instead of agreeing to purchase the seller's price, they negotiated the price to be lower. This significantly cheaper price was not passed down to me. I paid the full price +the commission fee based on that full price. I am disappointed I was not told this. This is when I stopped viewing them as a "friend" and instead, as a business. I dont hold this against them, it’s context to what Im going to say later.

I’ve stopped purchasing from D after my recent order from them. This company usually takes 3 or less months to make a doll. I’ve ordered the doll from D and it took 11 months. They let me know it arrived to them in March and that it will be shipped soon, except it only shipped on July, and only after I sent them several "reminder" emails. Before people in the comments try to put the blame on me for not sending a reminder soon, please keep in mind that I acknowledged the email in March and confirmed everything and they keep stressing to not send them emails because they are busy, I’ve emailed once every month since. I’ve since switched to ACBJD and Ive been happy with communication and the dolls ordered. I imagine ACBJD gets the same amount of emails, but they dont berate their customers if they email more than once.

I regret when people wanted a D0llshe, but not deal with him, I always recommended D. I would warn people of ordering directly and instead go through D. They assured buyers they would be handling communication and all the efforts so they wouldnt worry, except they didn’t. A person that I’ve recommended D to, who surpassed 2 years, keeps messaging me for help because D wouldnt reply to their emails. She is respectful, sweet and a timid person, not a Karen. This person, emailed D without a reply so would email a week later, only to be told that their email would be pushed down to the bottom if emailed again. No response, so she goes to FB and IG, who both tell her to email because they arent the person running orders. Finally got a response that they would get their refund, after D0llshe sends D's payment, but minus the PP fees. 3 months later and theres no refund, only a promise of them getting it later. Why is the customer missing out on fees when they have no doll? Customer emails d0llshe and he says he cant offer refund, because they didn’t order through them, which is understandable, but when all options are out for a customer, do you blame them for chargebacks?

If anyone files a chargeback, D will be blacklisting them from every company they rep, as in blacklisting you from buying direct from those companies. I urge everyone who has negative experiences with D to email the companies they rep instead of venting on confession blogs, and writing your experiences on social media. Make it count and send letters to the companies they represent, and please provide proof because they will try to make you out to be a liar.

Speaking of, they made vague posts on cl0ver singing for charging paypal fees, and that they offer guarantees as an official dealer, except when offering refunds, to non delivered products I might add, they are keeping the fees, and offered no help with d0llshe, even before they ended their dealership with them. Someone on DOA was told to not email them unless the wait time surpassed 1.5 years. They are even so petty that they post screenshots with the full name and address (dox) of the customer on purpose and then delete it out a day later as if they just realized their "mistake".

Before you try to make excuses for them about the fires, keep in mind, I am dealing with a business. The lower price negotiation with the DOA sale, I am in no way obligated to give them a pass or treat them as a friend when they made it clear that our relationship is strictly business. Their issues, are not my issues. D0lk got dragged for not shipping in time, others, including artisans, got dragged for being so late with communication and sending back refunds for cancelled orders. Why does D get to be exempt?

The supporters are the worst part of this, because of instead of being honest so D can improve, they support them for being "real". For example, look how micemage words it, to make it seem like this criticism is from one person, when there are people on addicts who didn’t have good experience. Check the bjd dealers tag here, you will see the supporters in the comments going off on any and all criticism of D. Some have sane comments, but the majority are cult like and try to identify the person venting as if it’s one person. Addicts deletes threads with criticism asking people to instead direct it to their feedback group; which lets be honest, no one is going to do because its "not that bad", and most dont want to join a new group, which is mostly dead.

This is my first and last confession on D, I’ve emailed each company they rep and told them my experience as well as contacting the 3 month wait company, with screenshots of my order, how they handled it, and the excuse they used to put blame on the company for being so late (package arrived march to D, 4 months to be shipped is on D, not the company). I’m not using company or order details because I know they are petty enough to try to identify me and publicly shame me like they have to others. This and the threat of suing is why not many people like to go public with their experience. They just keep feedback neutral, move on and never deal with again.

~Anonymous

6. Listen, I can't take you seriously in regards to BJD!vas because you're posting on a confession blog. If you were serious, you would have posted in buyer beware groups, DoA reviews or the board to get things resolved, or you would have made a complaint to the BBB. And your language makes you come off more as someone with an agenda rather than someone who is trying to warn people. If shipping is the issue, stop buying with standard shipping and pay the extra price for express shipping. I saw one of you complain that it sat with them for 20 days; that's probably because you're not the only one and they more than likely have a queue to check and then ship out. Do mistakes happen? Yes, because we're human. I've been in this hobby for a few years now and it seems like most people know you're going to have to wait, sometimes even outside the expected wait time. And shipping something as big as a doll is a timely endeavor. I shouldn't have to say that.

My point is simply to stop complaining on an confession board and either take it to the places previously mentioned. Posting here behind the anonymous mask makes you sound like a petulant child who didn't get their way right away.

~Anonymous

7.My only issue with BJD Divaz is how I never get any updates. Every email, they tell me to join their facebook page for status updates. I dont have a FB and I dont want to create one. I bought my doll through their website, updates should be posted on their website, or they could send me an email. That isnt asking much.

~Anonymous

8. Since there seems to be a lot of either "completely negative everything sucks" or "everything was sunshine and rainbows" confessions about bjd!vaz I thought I'd chime in with a neutral review.

PROS

-They were always polite and professional in their emails, and gave me very detailed answers to my questions.

-I got exactly what I ordered, so no mix ups or missing parts or anything like that.

-I think them being forthcoming about personal issues (only one person on staff, illness, the flooding isue etc.) on social media is good, since it keeps customers updated as to why there might be delays.

-If you live in the US their shipping is very reasonable.

CONS

-Reply times were varied. Sometimes it could take over a week, sometimes a couple hours.

-My order took about 10mo which, when comparing to other people who ordered through the same company around the same time, was about 3x as long as if I bought it direct and 2x as long if I had gone through a different dealer. I get some of the waiting time is out of their control, but it was kind of ridiculous.

-They dont necessarily ship the same day they send you a tracking number. I wish they said something like, "Here's your tracking number, our pickup is Xday so it should start moving after that" just so I could be aware.

All in all no major complaints. I got my doll and all that. Their lone employee is clearly overwhelmed. I hope they hire another person, if only to give the one a break.

Truthfully, I most likely won't buy through them again. I'd rather pay the international shipping and go direct, than deal with the extensive wait time. I'd still recommend them to someone looking for a very long layaway, though. I paid in full, but if I had a 12mo layaway I would've never known they weren't ready to ship my doll until month 10.

~Anonymous

#BJD #ABJD #BJD Confessions #TrueBJDConfessions #BJD Dealers

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no-gorms · 3 years

Note

Ok so like, the HAHH AU would be like this post but Tony gets grievously injured post IM 1 rather then in captivity?

Also, is Tony assumed dead or missing at this point? Or has he been like, I’m totally having a great time on some luxury private island/space cruise later losers- when really he’s in hiding? Because if he’s still supposed to be around I think Steve would catch on that this mysterious genius, that once you get them going, is so quick with a quip and has a wit like maybe one person he’s meet before and also works with Rhodey mmiiiggghhtttt be someone he knows lol. Or he thinks Tony would NEVER so even tho other people might be like “oh gosh who is this mysterious masked man 🙄” Steve is like, “I know, who COULD he be??😮”.

Also you’ve probably answered this but I forget, the Serum was still lost in this AU after Steve got it, right? Like no one else can get it?

(following up on this)

Oh yes, just like that awesome fanart except with 200% more trauma on Tony's side (Pepper & Happy are still gone) plus the whole thing where Tony's still pining after Steve and believe the best/worst decision he ever made was turning Steve done so he (Steve) is free to live his best life.

You bring up interesting questions! Off-planet travel is possible in this universe, so yeah I'd lean to Tony & Rhodey (& Fury) as part of the War Machine agreement make it seem that Tony is off being a space tourist in regions unknown and he quickly fades from the public consciousness. There's barely any news about him for years, so there's not much for Steve to search for when he comes back to Earth not that he's looking. I don't think I had details about the serum, though! I left it kind of open-ended, since in this AU whatever procedure they used on Steve is modelled after Carol.

I honestly can't decide which would be better, if Steve suspected all along that Rhodey's man in the chair was Tony, or that he has such a mental block on all things Tony that he discards the possibility entirely. Maybe a more fun way to do it is that Steve immediately guesses that the man in the chair is Tony, but he plays along pretending to be clueless as though he buys whatever half-truths Rhodey & Fury give him. So he and Tony are both trying to stay professional for different reasons, where Tony is pretending to be someone else and Steve is pretending he doesn't know, but then the more Steve talks to Tony the more thinks it actually can't be him because why would Tony be doing this kind of work? Available at all hours for any kind of task, not just emergencies? And although his sense of humour is similar in places he's also quieter, he stutters sometimes, he doesn't snap back whenever Steve loses his temper, and his jokes get dark. So Steve realizes that he's not so sure that that's Tony, after all.

#scaramouche answers asks #anonymous #superhusbands for ts #verse: half agony half hope #sort of

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mypimpademia · 4 years

Text

Bakugo, Todoroki, and Shinso quarantining w black s/o

Bakugo x Todoroki x black!reader x Shinso

TW: Swearing, refers to sexual activities at the end of each of them

Note: Yes, I did do most of this stuff in quarantine. [And they're aged up as always]

BAKUGO

He honestly feels like he's losing his shit

And he probably would if he did have you with him

You guys are staying up all night and watching Wild n Out, Basic to Bougie, 90 Day Fiance, all that shit

And of course Bad Girls Club

He claims he hates 90 Day Fiance and BGC, but he stays watching that shit, even if he has the remote or youre on his phone

His sleep schedule is fucked up

And by fucked up, I mean its a few hours past the old man's bed time

He goes to bed at 1 am now instead of 9 pm

But still wakes up at 9 am

He took a leave on hero work because of covid

He loves his job almost as much as he loves you (aw💖)

But hes not gonna risk his health for it

"Fuck all that bullshit, as much as I love my job, I'm staying my ass in this house. And you are too. I'll be damned if you catch it, especially if its from me."

Yall only go out once a week

He could minimize it to once every other week, but he tried that and it almost drove him crazy

There aren't any exceptions unless there's an emergency

Makes you wear gloves and use a reusable mask that he washes as soon as yall get home

And you get mostly essentials but he'll ask you if you want candy or anything and he'll buy a big box of brownie mix if you like brownies just to hold you over for a while

Also stocks up on meds like pain killers and allergy pills

No fucks given, he will hit up different stores for toilet paper

"WHY ARE ALL THESE FUCKIN IDIOTS TAKING THE TOILET PAPER?? I KNOW DAMN FUCKIN WELL YALL DONT SHIT THAT MUCH, AND HALF OF YALL PROBABLY DONT EVEN WIPE."

Hes gonna experiment with cooking more now that he has time

Writes down all the recipes that work out

Youre his taste tester so you best believe you bouta be eatin good 😌

If you want your hair done he'll order it online unless yall are already out

Hes gonna make sure that you're eating good and feeling okay because these are tough times 🥺

But hes gonna do it in his own way and act like he's not concerned

"Hey idiot, do you wanna pass out? You haven't been drinking water today, I can tell. I'm getting you a full cup, you better drink it all."

"You haven't eaten anything today, I'm making you dinner."

"Your hair is dry, come here so I can help you put oil on it. I keep telling you to take care of it, ill laught at you if you go bald." He wont

Also has you work out with him do you can stay in shape

Libido?

Yessir

Every other day, anywhere (except in public because hes not about to get sick), at anytime

It goes 50/50

Sometimes its just because hes in the mood

Other times hes feeling really soft and wants to show you that he loves you

All in all its a mixture of Bakugo losing his shit and loving you all in one

TODOROKI

He's pretty chill about it

Just super bored

Starts watching BGC, binges Basic to Bougie and 90 Day Fiance

Oddly enough he really enjoys watching Love & Hip Hop????

He finds it interesting

Especially likes Cardis season because its funny and hella memes came out of it

Don't get me wrong tho I aint a Cardi stan but you gotta admit that she's mad funny im a barb at heart tho

His crackhead really comes out over quarantine

He'll start referencing random ass memes

Hes mostly on leave for hero work unless they really need him

In that case he wears a mask and gloves out

When he gets home the first thing he does is reference BGC

"WHATS UP BAD BITCHES"

And thats how you know he's home

Goes to bed at like 1:30 - 2 am

Only because he doesn't want to be passed out if he's needed for hero duties

Goes out every other week

Mainly for basic essentials, but if you want a little extra he'll buy it

Anything else he'll buy online

Also goes to other stores to buy more toilet paper

Figured out that hes really good at crochets

So if you want your hair done he'll order any crochets you want off Amazon and do them for you

Takes care of you and makes sure your doing well all together

"Did you eat today baby?"

"How much water have you had today?"

"Have you been putting oil on your hair?"

Lotsss of cold soba

But he cooks a few other things so that its not the same thing 24/7

Asks Fuyumi for help when he doesn't know how to cook something super well

If you're the type to go to bed hella late, he'll make sure you sleep a full 8 hours

Even if you wake up after 5 he'll ask you to take a nap with him

Has you work out with him every now and then so you can both stay healthy

Not too much libido

He didn't get in the mood like that even before quarantine

Its not every other day like Bakugo though

More like twice a week

Anymore than that and it'll probably be because you needed it rather than him

If its after a mission it'll be slower just so he can show you how much he loves and appreciates you for being someone he can come home to and just being you

If its more spontaneous he'll be slightly rough but still a pretty slow

But it's a lot of crackhead Todoroki and soft Todoroki

SHINSO

He's doing fine

Just more bored than usual

I feel like Shinso likes cartoons so hes rewatching a bunch of childhood cartoons

Steven Universe, Adventure Time, Regular Show, all that good shit

Lotsss of cartoon quotes

Yall are having a pillow fight and he grabs 2 pillows and claps you?

"Cheatin ass bitch."

"Street rules, man." (Regular Show quote for those who don't know)

Please sing the bacon pancake song (Adventure Time) with him while yall make breakfast

He'll be so happy

If you do something stupid hes gonna do a lemon grab (Adventure time) quote

"UNACCEPTABLE"

On leave for hero work

Really doesn't care about getting himself sick unless he gets super sick or dies

But hes not about to get you sick

He'd genuinely rather get himself sick and die than get you sick

Yall go out twice a week

Once to get essentials and another just to get out

I feel like shinso is a decent cook so he'll cook for you

Write down recipes that you like

Also gets some off the internet

Works better with natural hair than braids and crochets

So he'll do slick backs for you and maybe give you a ponytail or something if you ask but he'd rather do 100% natural just because hes better at it and he likes natural black hair

Can also do half wigs

Takes care of you more than himself

So you have to take care of each other

"Did you drink water today, Doll?"

"I did, did you?"

"Did you eat today?"

"No, and you haven't either. What should we eat for lunch?"

"You havent been putting oil on you hair. Do you want me to help you, kitty?"

Small work out sessions

Maybe like 15 min a day

Full body tho because hes too lazy to split up days

Does to bed at like 4 - 6 am

Mostly just watching YouTube and binging cartoons and eating

Insomnia Cookies? (If you dont know, its a cookie place that delivers till 3 am and theyre so good-)

YESSIRRR

Yall gain back any weight you burned off from exercising earlier that day

Pizza, cookies, chicken nuggets, fries, fried chicken, etc.

Basically just a constant sleep over

Libido to the max

Once or twice a day

Nothing public because germs

Normally rough

But every now and then he'll get soft and just tell you how much he loves you and appreciates you

His aftercare for times like that consists of a bubble bath, lots of hugs, food and cartoons😌

233 notes · View notes

megalony · 4 years

Text

After the show

This is a Harry Styles imagine that I hope everyone is going to enjoy, feedback is always appreciated.

Taglist: @lunaticspoem @butlegendsneverdie @langdonzvoid @jennyggggrrr @rogermeddow @radiob-l-a-hblah @rogertaylorsbitontheside @chlobo6 @rogertaylors-lipgloss @sj-thefan @omgitsearly @luckytrashgooprebel @scarsout @deaky-with-a-c @killer-queen-ofrhye @bluutac @vousmemanqueez @jonesyaddiction @ambi-and-sunflowers @milanosaurus @httpfandxms @saint-hardy @7-seas-of-fat-bottomed-girls @mrsalwayswritex @rogerina-owns-me @peterquillzsblog @im-an-adult-ish @crazylittlethingg @allauraleigh

Masterlist

Summary: Harry and (Y/n) finish up a show and he helps her when she doesn’t feel very well.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With a sigh of utter relief, (Y/n) moved her hand to rub at her neck where a particular muscle was beginning to tighten like it was on a string that was being tightened.

The heels of her shoes clicked against the metal stairs she descended down, trying to hurry and get herself to the dressing room and change before it was time to disappear from this venue and get some much needed sleep. She couldn't have been more thankful that there was no meet and greet after this particular concert, in fact, a lot of the shows on this tour didn't have a meet and greet after the show and it was a God-send to (Y/n). As much as the fans meant to her, the concerts always took every ounce of energy and reserves she had left and trying to keep up the act of pretending to be okay wouldn't be easy after a concert.

It took all (Y/n) had not to grimace and groan in discomfort when the tightening feeling in her neck spread up until it spiralled around her jaw that was becoming very tense as of late. The aching in her jaw felt like someone was hacking away at the bone with a hammer, chipping little pieces off and causing (Y/n) the most pain but also drawing that pain out to make it last.

The ending of the concert couldn't have come soon enough for her liking. Being out there performing to the crowds was something she knew she wanted to do for the rest of her life because it was everything (Y/n) ever wanted. But doing this for the rest of her life didn't seem like a possibility when finishing this current tour was turning into a difficult task in itself.

When (Y/n) turned a sharp left corner and headed into the dressing room backstage she just caught sight of Harry following her and she shivered at the sympathetic look she could see in his eyes.

The pair had been doing this joint tour for two months now and Harry could never quite seem to be able to overcome the sadness that washed through him whenever he saw the pain (Y/n) went through. When he saw her coming off stage looking like she was about to cry from pain was not something he thought he would ever have to witness. It made Harry sad that doing the job she loved gave her so much pain because if singing gave him half as much pain as it did her, he wouldn't know if it was truly worth it.

Harry had done many tours so he knew how much they could take out of a person. He knew it took a lot of energy to go on stage for two hours and dance and sing and be happy and try to interact with everyone. But he didn't know how (Y/n) did it when she had a muscle disease that made singing painful after a while.

(Y/n) had muscular dystrophy which affected the muscles and it made them weak and deteriorate and it affected her heart too. The type she had was affecting her upper back, neck and face first and it would spread in years to come. Knowing it spread very slowly over time didn't help (Y/n) when the disease had gone for her neck and face first which affected her career. She could still speak properly, she could sing, she could move her head and her neck and jaw perfectly. But the disease made her affected muscles tense and pained because they were growing weak and it meant that singing hurt after a while.

The rushes of adrenaline and the music and crowds didn't help her heart either but (Y/n) couldn't quit. Music was her life and performing was what she loved and was good at, in a few years time it might not be a possibility anymore and so she needed to make the most of it now whilst she still could.

"Are you okay?" Harry tried to keep his tone light as he entered the dressing room behind her before shutting the door so no one else would come in or hover around like the crew sometimes did.

He watched (Y/n) look around for some clothes to change into and he almost felt bad for asking but he couldn't help it. She looked like the pain was worse tonight and he wanted to make sure she was okay and see if there was anything he could do to help. They had been a couple for a few months now and it was very clear to Harry from the beginning that (Y/n) didn't like admitting when her condition was flaring up or starting to get her down. He had to guess when she was trying to hide it and wear her down until she finally talked to him and let him help any way he could.

"I'm okay, just want to get back to the hotel."

"You can say if you're in pain you know. Two and a half hours of that surely can't feel amazing." Harry changed his shirt before his eyes locked with (Y/n) who looked like she wanted to admit how much pain she was in but was deciding against it.

She had to put on a mask when on stage and force herself to smile whenever she felt any kind of pain because none of the public or the fans knew of her condition and she wanted it to stay that way. Plus it wouldn't be very nice if she was frowning or hissing in pain or looked angry like she wanted to leave when she was performing a concert.

"Everything feels like it's on fire and my heart is burning from the adrenaline." (Y/n) saw the look of sadness in Harry's eyes because he couldn't imagine how that must feel. He knew the feeling of his heartbeat pulsing in every vein and artery in his body but that didn't hurt, it just made him feel alive. For (Y/n) it felt like each beat of her heart was becoming harder to do and it felt like she was going to be sick or faint.

(Y/n) held her hand out for Harry so they could go back to the tour bus, the sooner she had her medication and got back to the hotel, the better she would feel.

As they headed back out into the corridor and started to head down to get out into the car park, they felt the crew following them. There was their tour manager, a few bodyguards for precaution and a few other crew who had to tag along. It always felt strange to both singers when they were followed by an entourage wherever they went, it didn't seem right when they had both grown up as part of normal society where bodyguards had never been needed up until they became noticed by the world. Not to say they weren't thankful for the crew, it was just strange, even now after years of going through these tours.

When they got down to the last corridor that led out into the car park, Harry turned to look at (Y/n) when she started to slow down

"What's wrong?" Harry leaned his head closer to her own so he could whisper the words in her ear without anyone else listening in but he felt his anxiety growing when (Y/n) looked like she was about to pass out or fall asleep standing up.

A sudden flurry of white spots danced across (Y/n)'s vision when she felt her heart shuddering in her chest, a familiar feeling signalling that the impulses in her heart weren't working properly. Her body gave way for a split second as her mind felt like it had some sort of glitch, as if she was about to pass out but stopped herself at the last second.

Her knees caved in and her head was suddenly too heavy for her to hold up causing her head to snap back which felt like her neck had broken when the muscles started to scream. Her breathing stuttered as a burst of agony flooded through her whole body.

Turning his head so quickly he almost got whiplash, Harry stumbled to a stop when he felt (Y/n) crumble beside him. He watched as her head fell back and her eyes fluttered like she had blacked out for only one second. Harry let go of her hand so he could wrap his arms around her to stop her from falling to the ground. (Y/n) managed to move her shaking hands to grab onto Harry's arms for support and she tried to force her knees to straighten out when Harry gently pulled her up so she was standing again.

He took most of her weight before moving her backwards until she was leaning up against the wall. He turned her head so she was looking up at him, noticing it took her a few seconds to focus her eyes on him.

"(Y/n), you with me?" His tone was concerned yet sweet like it was dipped in honey. He leaned his head down a little due to the height difference so he could look at her properly, brushing his thumb across her cheek as she managed to nod, lips twitching from the pain the movement caused in her neck.

"J-just my heart." She responded, breathing through the words as Harry watched her come back to Earth rather quickly. In any other situation Harry would have commented on how she spoke like that was a normal thing, but then again this was sort of a normal occurrence for her.

Harry knew he needed to get her back on the tour bus so she could get her meds and get her back to the hotel quickly.

"Do you think you can walk, we need to get you to the bus."

(Y/n) took a deep breath before nodding and she pressed her head into Harry's shoulder when he took her weight again, pulling her from the wall and into his chest. His arm secured around her waist keeping her glued to his side as he guided her down the corridor with everyone else following behind, unsure what was happening.

Harry opened the door in front of them to get them outside, noticing some of the production crew were already outside and waiting nearby or already on the tour bus. They all looked over at the pair with rather confusing looks when they noticed how unwell (Y/n) looked. Harry glanced wearily at the crowds that were beginning to flood around them outside, clearly wanting an autograph or to have a chance to meet them both which clearly wasn't going to be an option tonight. He felt a surge of relief when the crew seemed to understand something was wrong and they made sure there was a barrier so none of the fans could get close to the tour bus.

It didn't take them long to get to the tour bus and after taking it slow up the steps to get inside, Harry kept his arms tightly around (Y/n) as he guided her down the bus. The crew on the bus started to crowd around them, asking if they needed anything or what was wrong and it made Harry want to snap. Surely they knew (Y/n) wasn't very well but Harry and the crew were the only ones who knew of (Y/n)'s condition so it wasn't as if they hadn't seen her in a similar state to this before.

"It's alright, let's just get back to the hotel." Harry stated, making sure to keep any annoyance out of his voice because he didn't want to be rude.

He sat down with (Y/n) at the seats at the very back of the bus, watching with sad eyes when she started to subtally shake which made him shake when she wrapped her arms around him like she was trying to disappear.

Their eyes met when he held her hands and moved them to rest in her lap, his eyes telling her that it was alright as he kissed her temple. Harry's eyes told everyone else on the bus to leave (Y/n) alone and to stop pestering her with their persistent questions of 'are you alright' and 'what can I do'. He knew what he was doing and them fussing around her wasn't going to make things better because they weren't doing anything to help, they were only making her anxious and overwhelmed.

He watched (Y/n) in slight pain as she curled up in the seat against the window, tears silently falling down her face as she watched where Harry was going.

The first time Harry had witnessed (Y/n) be in pain from her irregular heartbeats or when she was in pain from her tense, sore muscles he didn't know what to do to help. But now he had come to know which medications she was on and what they did and he tried to figure out different methods and things to do that could help alleviate her symptoms and her pain.

Walking over to the seats that held all of the bags, Harry rummaged around, grabbing the small black bag with the rough exterior material that scratched at the skin. He unzipped it and grabbed one of the many medication bottles before he grabbed a bottle of water and an ice pack from the cooling bag beside him.

Harry sat back down beside (Y/n) and placed the bottled water on the table before he undid the medication bottle and took out two beta-blockers which would help calm down (Y/n)'s heart impulses and muscles. (Y/n) gratefully took the tablets from him and took them with a large gulp of water before she wiped at her eyes with her sleeve to rid her face of the tears she had started to shed.

(Y/n)'s eyes darted up to look at Harry when she felt a sudden shock of cold on her neck. He had his right arm resting o the back of the seat they were leaning against as his left hand was holding the ice pack to her neck to try and calm down the tense muscle. It was a ritual for (Y/n) to grab an ice pack after every show and sit with it plastered to her neck for the ride back to whatever hotel they were staying at. She hardly went anywhere without the cooling pack that was a medication in itself to relieve the pain she always seemed to be getting now as medication simply wasn't doing enough for her weakened muscles.

Leaning over (Y/n) rested her head on Harry's chest just under his chin, relaxing against him when he said nothing in protest against her actions. His hand keeping the ice pack pressed to her neck as he pressed his lips to the top of her head.

Neither of them could wait until they got back to the hotel and got some peace and quiet.

#harry styles #harry styles x reader #harry styles imagine #imagine #one direction

222 notes · View notes

tiggymalvern · 2 years

Text

I posted 1,163 times in 2021

33 posts created (3%)

1130 posts reblogged (97%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 34.2 posts.

I added 912 tags in 2021

#hannibal - 238 posts

#fanart - 200 posts

#hannigram - 89 posts

#us politics - 79 posts

#photography - 73 posts

#pretty places - 65 posts

#meta - 57 posts

#will graham - 47 posts

#lol - 36 posts

#signal boost - 28 posts

Longest Tag: 109 characters

#it only becomes about politics because republicans would rather suppress voters than let them elect democrats

My Top Posts in 2021

The Pornbots are Evolving

I've been followed by three different pornbots today. In every case, the first one or two posts in their dash were inocuous - landscapes or kittens. You had to scroll down to the second or third post to find the naked women fingering themselves or shoving their arses in your face. A new cunning plan is afoot!

11 notes • Posted 2021-07-28 04:48:24 GMT

Amyiah described her experiences, first telling followers she was forced to “self-quarantine” due to “having the Covid-19 virus”. Hospitalised overnight because she had difficulty breathing, she posted again, this time a selfie in an oxygen mask. After receiving calls from members of the public, county health officials referred the matter to the sheriff’s office. It sent a deputy to the Cohoon household, where Amyiah’s parents were told to have her remove the post or the deputy would issue disorderly person’s citations “if not start taking people to jail”. In his ruling, issued on Friday, Ludwig wrote: “Defendants may have preferred to keep Marquette county residents ignorant to the possibility of Covid-19 in their community for a while longer, so they could avoid having to field calls from concerned citizens, but that preference did not give them authority to hunt down and eradicate inconvenient Instagram posts.” Good going, Wisconsin. So has the judge now ordered the arrest of the sheriff and the deputy for massive abuse of power and threatening innocent people with false arrest? If these people still have their jobs, WHY do they still have their jobs???

11 notes • Posted 2021-09-28 04:46:54 GMT

New Year, new fic! Or maybe it's more of an old fic. It's both! War and Peace. Fandom: Gundam Wing Pairing: Duo/Heero, or 1x2x1 if we're going old style. That's two teenagers shagging each other, for those who don't care for that sort of thing. Summary: Duo Maxwell looks back on the war. And on Heero Yuy. Turns out he spends a lot of time thinking about Heero… This is the fic I started back in 2003, and then went back to and finished in 2020. It's also by far the most rambling, info-dumpy, monologue-y story I've ever written. Duo likes to talk and I never found a way to stop him. Canon compliant for the series, AU for Endless Waltz. It follows the story and emotional arc of the series, so you know what you're getting! Only the first chapter's up so far, I'll be adding more as I work through the final editing pass. Happy New Year!

14 notes • Posted 2021-01-01 17:16:43 GMT

Title: Fulcrum Fandom: Tenet Word count: 3000 Rating: General Summary: He goes back. He builds Tenet. He recruits Neil. The ending is nearer than you think, and it is already written. All that we have left to choose is the correct moment to begin. Here on AO3.

16 notes • Posted 2021-06-01 14:37:23 GMT

Hi. Ok do you know why Will imagines himself killing Molly (and even Alana in one scene) while taking the Red Dragon case? This never happened before with other cases, like in other seasons he slipped into killers mindsets but he never looked at people and imagined killing them. Seems like a plot point to make Will give up on his family, I wish his return to Hannibal was more organic and not just because other people were poisoned to him :/

I’m sorry it took me a while to get to answering this, Anon, I had a very busy week.

Season three wasn’t actually the first time we see Will imagining himself killing someone he cares about. Back in just episode three, he dreams of slitting Abigail’s throat, when earlier he’s been to visit her in the hospital trying to reassure her. Then he visits her house with her because she wants to go and needs to have people with her. Alana and Hannibal seem like entirely adequate emotional chaperones for that visit. There’s no need for Will to be there too, but he still goes, because he wants to help Abigail.

At that point, Will is showing the first signs of his encephalitis, waking covered in sweat, and we could perhaps attribute his imagining killing Abigail to a simple nightmare, if it wasn’t a thing that recurs again later, as you say, long after his encephalitis is cured.

So I think the question more realisitcally becomes, ‘Why does Will Graham sometimes imagine himself killing people he cares about?’ There’s never going to be a definitive answer for that, all we can do is speculate, so here I go, speculating away! I’m going to leave Hannibal out of my speculations, because Will does imagine himself killing Hannibal during the honey trap phase of season two, when we know he’s already falling in love with him, but at the same time he still hates Hannibal for framing him and having him dumped in a mental institution. The internal conflict there thoroughly muddies the waters, so I’m going to stick with Will’s visions of killing people like Abigail and Molly, people he only wants to protect.

I would say from the start that stress seems to be a triggering factor for it. Will imagines killing Abigail not long after the first time he kills someone, in the form of her father. We know from what Jack says that Will has been actively trying to avoid killing people, that he left the police because he didn’t want to use his gun. He’s long suspected that killing a person would unleash something within him, and now he’s done it. When Abigail says that she’s worried about nightmares, Will replies, ‘I’m worried about nightmares too.’ The thing that Will had been trying to avoid for at least a decade has finally happened, and he’s scared of where it will lead him. And sure enough, he’s dreaming of murder.

In the Red Dragon arc, the thing that Will has been trying to avoid for three years is Hannibal. He’s put that life behind him - he moved away, stayed out of law enforcement, married a lovely woman, and worked so hard at being ‘normal’. And then the thing he’s been avoiding happens - Hannibal is back in his world. Will tells Molly he’ll be different if he goes; once again he’s scared of where he’s headed. So there’s an obvious parallel there - Will imagines killing Abigail, and later Molly, when he’s having to face up to a reality that he’s been trying to ignore.

On the most basic level, Will imagines killing people because he wants to kill people. He’s known that about himself for a long time, which is why he was so determined never to do it. After he kills Hobbs, it’s not just a theory any more, he knows he likes it, and then the temptation to do it again becomes so much worse.

But in the real world, Will only wants to kill bad people. He wants to kill the murderers, the people who threaten and harm the innocent. He wants to be a protector and an avenger. He would never harm Molly, or Abigail. And I think the fact that he imagines himself doing that is a sign of his internal conflict.

Will Graham is scared of what he wants. He doesn’t want to enjoy killing people, even bad people. He was lecturing in a classroom to avoid any risk of violent situations, because he’s worried about the slippery slope. If he kills one person, he’ll want to kill more (he isn’t wrong about that). And I think that decent, moral part of Will is terrified of how far he might eventually go. If he starts off killing bad people, might he eventually end up killing less bad people? What if his urge to kill keeps increasing and he becomes one of the bad people who hurts innocents? I think it’s all part of his struggle with accepting the reality of who he is.

So any time Will Graham knows himself to be starting down the path of the killer - after he shoots Hobbs, when he goes back to investigating murders and discussing them with Hannibal - his mind shows him the worst case scenario, the thing he fears most in the world. The potential monster inside himself. And in Molly’s case, there’s the added guilt that Will knows he’s placing her in danger, because of Hannibal, a guilt that manifests in her imagined death at Will’s hands.

And so I come to the last part of your ask: I wish his return to Hannibal was more organic and not just because other people were poisoned to him

This takes us back to what is really the over-arching theme of Hannibal. It's clear that Will would never have chosen Hannibal as the love of his life. Will doesn't want to love Hannibal, any more than he wants to love killing people. But the facts don't change because they're inconvenient for Will's moral compass.

The world has effectively been poisoned for Will his whole life. He speaks to Hannibal of his isolated childhood, the boy who never fit in. He lives his adult life alone, surrounded by dogs, with acquaintances, not friends, because everyone around him considers him somewhat odd. His potential 'normal' romantic partner, Alana, has been avoiding being alone with him. With time, he learns to 'pass' as normal better, to the point where he can marry Molly and appear to be a typical family man. But that's what it is - an appearance. Will isn't fulfilled in that life. He wants to be, but he's not.

Hannibal is right for Will because neither of them fit in the 'normal' world, and the way they don't fit is the same. Hannibal isn't a show about Will accepting that he loves Hannibal - it's a show about Will accepting that he is who he is. And when he accepts the things he doesn't like about himself, only then can he accept that he loves someone who shares those traits.

Hannibal isn't the consolation prize for Will, because nobody else will have him any more. Hannibal has always been the only person who can understand him, and Will has known that for years. He just has to stop hating them both for it before he can decide to live with it.

(And it was all written by a gay man, and it's an obvious metaphor for growing up ostracised for being gay, and hating yourself for being gay, and having to accept and embrace gayness before you can accept loving another man, but that can go off on a very long tangent!)

58 notes • Posted 2021-02-15 15:42:20 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #long post

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junosartsthetic · 4 years

Text

Rohan Headcanons

Here’s eight pages of Rohan shit I wrote late at night. I should stop doing that. But alas, I won’t.

Okey

HeS a lil shit

That’s canon

But

He’s also kinda 🥺🥺

Heavens door also is 🥺🥺

if Rohan isn’t in the mood to give affection heavens door will gladly hug you for hOUrs

It’ll just nestle up against your chest and sorta,,,, fall asleep almost?

N ur like Rohan it’s asleep on my tits

N he’s like,,,, god I wish that were me…. I mean,,,, uhh,,, fuckin sucks 4 you guess you’ll just suffer

he likes drawing you

lol sketches on napkins n such

He just likes lookin at ur face

🥺🥺🥺🥺

He also has a pen somewhere lost in his hair

He keeps it there just in case his other ones get lost

Somehow

Even tho he’s got so fuCKin many

Also he lovEs learning things!

He’ll pick up a book about anything and read it just because

He’ll try to impress u with weird n random facts

Most of the time it doesn’t work

he likes when you mess with his hair

On the outside he’s like

DOnt fuckin touCh me but on the inside he’s like,,,, oooo head scritches r niceeeee

He believes he has an exceptional sense of style and doesn’t take criticism

He wears silk pajamas

But only sometimes

99% of the time he sleeps in his clothes because he passes out from exhaustion mid-drawing

Rohan also likes writing

Just lil things

Poems n such

He’s rather sentimental about certain things

He likes to go to libraries even though he’s got a bunch of books at home because he believes it allows him to better absorb the information he needs

He hates off brand things

It’s a maJor pet peeve

“What the hell is this?”

“What do you mean? They’re pop tarts?”

“THESE ARE NATURALLY FLAVORED FROSTED BROWN SUGAR CINNAMON TOASTER PASTRIES GREAT VALUE BRAND��️!”

“Yeah, pop tarts.”

“JAHDHWHXUWUDUWHDGWG”

He likes to wear slippers

Bunny slippers

They’re cute

He got heavens door a lil pair of them

Gotta match, ya know?

He picks at his eyelashes when he’s nervous

You gotta tell him to stop or else he’s gonna have to wear falsies

That makes him quit for a little while at least

He once accidentally stabbed himself with a pen but refused to go to Josuke for help

He’s still got a scar from it

his house has a basement but he’s never gone down to it

Too scary

He just says he has no use for it

Lies!

He’s a scaredy-cat

He can play quite a few instruments

He can also sing

He sings in the shower

It’s not half bad but his song choices tend to be awful

“STOP FUCKING SINGING ‘I KISSED A GIRL’ IN THE SHOWER OVER AND OVER! ITS SEVEN IN THE MORNING AND IM SICK OF IT!”

He’s got an embarrassing tattoo somewhere

Probably something stupid like a butterfly on his calf

He pretends it doesn’t exist

He used to read random people’s memories with heavens door when bored or uninspired but after a mortifying memory he read he stopped doing that

He once had a coo-coo clock but smashed it because it was getting on his nerves

he hates the sound of gum chewing

It’s the worst™️ to him

he sometimes forgets to shower

Nasty

But when he does shower it is extra™️

He takes reaaaaally long showers

And sings, as established

what the fuck does he even do in there?

Idfk

It’s a secret

He orders takeout because he can’t fucking cook

He’s trash at it

He tries

But he just can’t do it

he tends to make faces when he draws

It’s hilarious

He once drank 17 five hour energies to see what would happen

He doesn’t remember what happened

He awoke 2 days later in the hospital

he enjoys playing scrabble but only because everyone who plays against him ends up crying in anger when they lose

He owns a bunch of record players for the aesthetic™️

Doesn’t use them like ever

Owns like 3 records that he will play once in a blue moon

Everything he does is for the aesthetic™️ tbh

He likes to be held

But only under certain circumstances

Do nOT touch when he is in the middle of drawing something intense

He will turn around and sMAck you with his pen (on purpose or accident? Idk)

He’s clingy

He’s needy

He’s whiny

He’s like a puppy

But with the ego of a cat

He’ll be actively spooning you but assures you he is nOt having the time of his life

Eventually he admits he likes hugs n human contact

But at first it’s like trying to give a cat a bath

Yikes™️

Speaking of baths… bath time!

He likes baths

They’re nice

Bubble baths

They help him think

And he likes to mess with the bubbles

He likes the smell of candles too

You normally buy him candles in special occasions

He loves them

Most of the time

Occasionally he will despise the scent but keep the candle around anyway because he feels bad throwing away a gift

Well, a gift from his s/o

Anyone else he’ll tOss that sucker into the trash

The gift— not the gift giver

Maybe

If it’s Josuke— he’s in the dumpster

Uhhhh

Slightly nsfw but uhh,,,

Boob stress balls?

Nice

It’s a win-win situation tbh

soft, moldable, attached to someone he loves

Amazing

You’ve gotten used to it tbh

Whatever calms him down

Also he likes when you kiss his forehead before going to bed

He’ll be staying up to finish something and you’ll kiss him good night and leave your chapstick on his forehead and he just—

Makes him feel loved

He won’t admit it though

you usually initiate the affection

Sometimes he’ll hold your hand or something in public

In private he’ll be more outgoing but deny it means anything

“What, no I didn’t mean to touch your ass it was an accident”

“You’re still touching my ass”

“It’s still an accident”

you two also get in realllly stupid arguments

“Did you open this door?”

“What?”

“Did you open it?”

“Why would I open the basement door?”

“Did you?”

“No!”

“Liar!”

“Why would I lie about that?”

he’s a blanket hog

Also loves his pillows

He wears a lil sleep mask to bed

It’s cute

he unironically has a hydro flask

It keeps his water cold

He finds the jingling of the ice in it annoying though

I think he wouldn’t enjoy digital art because he can’t feel the paper and the ink and it’s not as personal

he likes eating ramen

Even though it’s terrible for him

If you look closely there are little stains on his papers

It’s ramen broth

But it’s convenient and he can’t cook for shit so it’s what he eats

He acts all refined but he’s not if you look closely

He’s got a reallly messy closet I bet

He tries to keep organized but it’s difficult!

He likes drawing birds

Idk why

Birb

He’s got a framed picture of you on his desk

He looks at it when he’s feeling stressed

It usually calms him down and gets him ready to work

you’ve nude modeled for him a couple times

Half the time he’s not even sketching

You don’t care though

Seeing his suave facade and expression be replaced with red cheeks and stifling coughs is cute

By the end you just give him a kiss and then it leads to—

The nsfw is for later

anyway

He’s tried to get you to draw

But anything you draw he criticizes so harshly that you’ve sworn off showing him your drawings

You know he’s doing it to help you

But it still hurts

you’ll sometimes help shading things in his manga

It’s the only thing he trusts you to do

But only on minor panels

And in small patches

But you still get credit as a background artist so you’re happy

You paint his nails a lot

He doesn’t mind

his favorite color is a dark green like his hair, though he also enjoys gold to match his stand

#this also hasn't been looked over #so uhhh good luck reading it #jjba #jojos #rohan kishibe #rohan #rohan x reader #rohan kishibe x reader #jjba part 4 #jojos bizarre adventure diamond is unbreakable #jjba diu #jjba x reader

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erizee · 2 years

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7, 8, 20, 22?? :o

7. if you could remake a horror movie of your choice, which one? and how would it look like?

one option that ive thought about before is definitely saw 3d, i love that movie but theres so much lost potential too. heres a way too long list :)

- i want more scenes where the cops are shocked/feel betrayed hoffman is the apprentice, they worked together for literal decades and yet we see no one’s reaction except gibson, who weve never met before, and hes not even that surprised. theres so many more characters they could bring back (besides the fucking unnamed coroner guy lmao), like the one bald guy they kept bringing back since iv. all of his scenes have been with hoffman, let him be SHOCKED (or not shocked!! that can work really well too!!!) i need More Betrayal lmao thats literally one of my favourite tropes. it could also be used to talk about police corruption/brutality too eye emoji

- i want consequences for amanda’s scene at the end of vi (”dont trust the one that saves you” @ corbett denlon) because they really teased that that scene would be important and then it never was :( and i also just want amanda to be involved in hoffman’s downfall because he’s the one that got her killed. its nice he got consequences for killing jill & all but i simply care more about amanda

- i want wayyy more involvement of lawrence gordon into the case or just more scenes with him in general. i dont think we ever got a canon explanation for why he joined jigsaw and ive seen some fanfics that do that reallyyyyy well but these movies are so good at making everyone feel human and everything connected so i think they should have done more with him too. im really happy his reveal was teased since the second movie but i need More. i still want him to be revealed only at the very very end but they could have teased it more

- i want more scenes with the support group slash jigsaw cult. literally imagine if the movie addressed how most survivors became apprentices by showing more of the other victims (do malick and brit feel grateful they were brought together?) and more of the general public’s reaction to jigsaw that wouldve been amazing). the reason why i like the scott tibbs documentary so much is that it shows how regular people think about it so pls movies do that more im begging you.

- also who the FUCK are the other two ppl in pig masks?? i need a canon, non-script-only answer to this

- it also kind of sets up more sequels/didnt finish the series tbh so they either should have made more sequels then or really set that movie up as The Last One much better than they did

- id also change how the women in that movie are all helpless/dont get a chance to save themselves lol thats less of a plot/character thing because it actually bothers me

8. answer for real life vs if you were a slasher movie character: the local movie theater is showing your favorite horror movie but you've heard that something really fucked up happened at the theater in the town over; somebody got stabbed mid screening, apparently- but people are arguing about whether that was actually real or just some sort of publicity stunt... - are you still going to watch your favorite movie?

in a slasher movie yea im definitely going but to be fair if i was in a slasher movie id hope im a villain so i was probably the one who did the stabbing lmao (even though my more realistic role is the loser psychiatrist in halloween 2018 lol but hey still a villain)

in real life it depends? id probably weigh my options for literal hours and then decide to go but be super paranoid and suspicious about everything

20. would you rather summon candyman or open the box leading the cenobites to you?

oof thats hard theyre both hot lmao (/hj) but it would probably be candyman because id rather die quickly than be tortured for eternity plus maybe ill have a gothic romance with him <3 hed be my excuse to evilly go off the fucking rails in a way the cenobites cant be because they just take you to hell instead of framing you for murder as a way to get you to actually kill people

22. there's a rip in the fabric of the universe and you find yourself warped into a horror movie. which one is it? pick a movie you actually find interesting enough to want to be a part of, maybe one you've already imagined yourself as a character in- not one you just think would be easiest to stay alive in. the rules to your current situation are unclear; you don't know whether this is one of those "if you die in here, you die in real life" scenarios or not- so let's just aim for some fun.

hmm i think ill choose behind the mask the rise of leslie vernon solely because if i get to be in a horror movie and have fun there, i want to be a slasher villain! and even though the amount of exercise and planning he does sounds exhausting lmao hes the only slasher villain i can think of thats genuinely joinable. like he just has other slasher friends he hangs out with let me be one of them. rip to the documentary girl but id simply join him instead of becoming his final girl

#thank u!!!!! :D #these are so much fun omg #im genuinely considering rewriting 3d as a fanfic but idk if im a good enough writer for that lmao i dont want to disappoint myself #also i already want to rewrite some of the earlier movies for an apprentice rigg au so thats just too much work at some point lol #i was really hoping to get the candyman vs cenobite question so thanks rjhgbrbg #is it a red flag that i want to be a slasher villain so bad lmao who knows #side note why does my last sentence abt candyman sound like im talking about hannibal.#hm. anyway id still rather join candyman than hannibal bc a) candyman is hotter & b) candyman is magic so he cant get in trouble w authority #slash the cops #edit LMAO i meant slash the cops as in / not as in what the rest of this answer would suggest jrgrjgsn #unless.....

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memoriashell · 3 years

Text

with age comes wisdom ( or at the very least, entirely unneccessary celebrations )

Characters / Pairing: Fukawa Touko / Naegi Komaru ( focused ), Syo / Komaru, Warriors of Hope

crossposted on ao3

Notes: happy @tokomaruweek week everyone!! i love these funky wlw so i am going to try and have some stuff up this week, but i probably won’t manage to do the whole week / i'll go back to do the ones i miss afterwards? we’ll see.

for today i decided to combine the birthdays + warriors of hope prompts.

i’m also just ignoring canon’s timeline bc god knows i did not want to figure out that bs sorry dr3 ily but i dont love you that much just know it is somewhere post sdr2 / pre dr3 probably?

i also use they/them for syo ( nonbinary hc ) and while there aren’t any specific trauma mentions, given the group of characters this revolves around, there’s refrences to the fact they have shit lives. and some lighthearted murder jokes and self-deprication?

Summary: nothing says happy birthday quite like babysitting her ( favorite ) group of brats

It’s just her luck that this would happen— a coincidence for sure, but that doesn’t make Touko any happier about the whole thing.

This is the situation: they don’t usually see the ( former ) Warriors of Hope much. The kids stay on their side of Towa, and her and Komaru tend to stick closer to the adults. The adults are the ones that need to be kept under supervision, in her opinion. Not that the kids are blameless, but is there much reasoning with brainwashed kids? No. Of course not. Are the adults also practically brainwashed and hard to reason with. Yes. Would this all be easier if Future Foundation was involved? Yes. Yes it would, but for obvious reasons they are not ( they have all agreed to omit some information from public record for the sake of those involved, and right now Naegi’s stunt with the Remnants have Future Foundation’s attention away from them ).

Sometimes Komaru takes some of the things that they get over to the kids because things are rough enough as it is, and Syo will go with her because they can keep the Monokuma off their tracks better. Or you know, because Syo is generally more helpful to Komaru when it comes to things like that. She’s not jealous.

Allegedly— Touko does not know this for a fact herself since she hadn’t been fronting, and only learns this second hand while she is in the middle of typing up a report to send back to the foundation— Kotoko is the one to bring it up, casually handing off some of her share of the cookies Komaru had made for them, to Jataro. An early birthday present, she had said ( pointedly ignoring Nagisa, who’d pointed out she had given Jataro the ones he hated ), before turning to Komaru to ask if they could throw a party. A small one. With no murder, because that would be ‘totally not adorbs’. And no adults, because they stink ( it goes unsaid that Komaru and Touko themselves are the clear exception to this rule, which is some kind of progress, supposedly ).

That seemed like a fairly reasonable request, according to Komaru, who’s only response was to ask when his birthday was. And then accidentally lets it slip that hey, that’s the week that Touko-chan’s birthday is! And that’s how Touko finds out that apparently, she’s having a joint birthday party with the kids because Masaru managed to turn a party into a competition, somehow? Touko has no clue what that actually entails, because Komaru refuses to elaborate.

( Also, at one point before leaving, Komaru had tried asking Jataro if there was anything she could get him; to which he’d remarked, “A new mask?”

...Yeah, Touko can’t blame her for not knowing what to say to that, even if Komaru had spun it as not the most self-deprecating thing he could have said, which was an improvement? She personally disagrees, but whatever )

Here, she should point out the obvious fact that she does not want to really celebrate her birthday, let alone have a party for it. Because those kind of things lean so far into the zone of things Touko doesn’t really know how to handle, that it makes her close to uncomfortable. And if— if she had humored herself in imagining how she would ideally spend her birthday this year; quite frankly, it would be very quiet and boring and only with Komaru. Not with a group of ten year olds. Ten year olds that she might think of rather fondly, but ten year old brats all the same.

( It’s not like she has any alive friends: if Touko acknowledges the other survivors, justifiably they are too busy with more important matters to fuss over a birthday. They aren’t kids anymore. Some of them hadn’t ever really been like normal kids to begin with, but that’s besides the point )

“Look at the bright side,” She starts, and she bites back a snide what bright side and remark about how that’s all Komaru’s good at ( it’s not. She’s more talented than she gives herself credit for ). “None of you probably have really positive memories when it comes to birthdays or parties, so even if it isn’t the greatest, at least the bar to please should be pretty easy to clear!”

Touko thinks she probably gets the point she is trying to make here, but Komaru’s complete and utter lack of tact doesn’t make for the best delivery. “Are you trying to...to make me feel bad? S-So sorry my life was complete sh-shit growing up.”

“No! That’s not what I meant at all!” Komaru pouts at her. “Does that mean you’re not interested in having a party?”

It’s not like she’s so cold-hearted and selfish that she’s going to say no to that. Well, no, that’s not quite true, Touko might be just that; but it doesn’t really matter either way, because Komaru gives her best kicked dog impression, so she says ( a less than enthusiastic ) no, she doesn’t mind, yes you can have a party; even if she thinks she’ll probably regret that choice.

Okay, if you are to be honest with herself, some part of Touko that never got to be a normal child doesn’t entirely mind the thought of a party, even if it’s...not the most ideal scenario, the impractical fantasy situation that lives in her head. But if she says that aloud, Komaru will either take it too seriously, use it as an excuse to celebrate things more often, or something else that probably has consequences that she doesn’t want to think about. And also admittedly because if she says it aloud, she has to acknowledge it, and maybe she doesn't want to get her hopes up over something as stupid as a party.

( There’s also the fact that, deep in her extremely repressed memories of Hope’s Peak before the tragedy, she does remember parties. Birthdays. Celebrating things with her classmates, if somewhat forcibly so. She has no desire to remember those things, so those feelings remain repressed with most of her trauma )

It’s easy to not acknowledge any of that when she has to deal with the sudden onslaught of a headache that is Syo forcing themselves into their shared headspace, hand rubbing at her temples. Not trying to co-front, she can tell they aren’t trying to snatch control from her ( for now ), just forcing her to pay attention to them. It works, even though Touko has told them to not do this specifically because of how irritating it is for her.

I could scare the kids into cooperating? It’ll save us a headache and a half! Syo offers, maybe too eagerly. Their ideas of scare and cooperate are probably different from her own. Still. She also knows Syo is aware of more than they are letting on, given that they had been present when this conversation had occurred, but she doesn’t think she’ll get much out of them in that regard.

No. Touko tells them firmly. It’ll be counterproductive, Komaru won’t let you do that, and they’re all traumatized enough without you adding to that.

Boo, you sure about that? Consider it a birthday gift from me!

No. She repeats herself sternly, and she feels them withdraw a bit after that. Ugh, Syo hasn’t had a chance to front much recently, now that she thinks about it. Since they usually only take over when she’s in danger, and she hasn’t really been in ( as much ) danger now that things are starting to calm down. Well, relatively speaking. Syo is probably just looking for an excuse to be allowed to front, since it’s probably rough going from being very present to rarely getting the chance to be out: akin to going cold turkey on an addiction. That’s not exactly her fault ( or theirs ), but maybe she’ll ask Komaru if she’d be okay with hanging out with Syo more, if only to placate them a little, before they try something more drastic.

“Everything okay? That was Syo, right?” She hears Komaru ask after a few minutes, and Touko rubs her eyes and blinks. “You looked a little frustrated.”

She considers telling her the truth, but no point in getting her concerned over nothing. She’d like to figure out what she wants to negotiate with Syo firstm so she’ll leave that conversation for another time. “Fine. They just...ugh, just wanted to make sure I was okay with it.”

“And you are okay with it, right? You aren’t agreeing just because I asked?” Touko thinks she begged more than she asked, but she’s pretty sure Komaru will only sulk if she brings that up.

“I wouldn’t let you if, if I was really opposed to it.” Probably. She...trusted Komaru, or something like that, so she figures she’d probably be more honest with herself and not mentally torture herself by putting herself through something she has no interest in. “But...what are you even planning on doing to celebrate? I can’t im-imagine we’ve really got much around here that we can use for a party.”

“Ah. Uhm.” Komaru looks a little embarrassed at that. “About that. I was kind of hoping you and Syo might help pitch in. You don’t mind, right?”

You’re hopeless, she wants to mutter, but—

Yeah!!!! Syo wakes right back up upon being mentioned, no sense of self awareness at all, much to your annoyance, but it’s not like you completely disagree with the feeling that is shared between you two.

“You— You really bit off more than you could chew, hm...? Good thing this wasn’t supposed t-t-to be a surprise.” She quips, leaning over to peer at the paper she’d been making her notes on. “We’ll help, just tell us what we...what we need to do.”

“Thank you, Touko-chan! And Syo too!” Komaru sounds somewhere mixed between grateful and relieved, and casually plants a kiss on her cheek as if it’s no big deal—

She said my name last, so the kiss was for me! She knows Syo is intentionally trying to provoke her and get a rise out of her ( yeah, a rising sense of jealousy ), but puts that aside for the time being because Komaru’s blabbering on like nothing happened.

“I know we probably won’t have the whole day to ourselves to do whatever—” Correctomundo, Dekomaru! “— but I’ll make it up to you on your birthday, okay? We’ll do something that you want.”

“You don't...there’s no need for that.” She forces out between gritted teeth, trying to ignore the flustered feeling in the pit of her stomach, chewing around a fingernail ( what an unattractive sight to follow that ). “Because— ugh, don’t repeat th-this, okay? What I want to do is spend time with...with you. That’s all. So don’t go...you don’t need to go out of your way trying to do s-s-something over the top. Stick to being normal.”

“Really? You’re sure?” Komaru sounds a little uncertain, but happy enough to pull her into a hug, despite her grumbled complaint. “Oh, but Syo has their own birthday, don’t they? So I should probably ask them what they want as well, right?”

“Don’t make me repeat m-myself. It’s embarrassing...” Touko huffs, but lets herself be held against her side, just for a moment. It’s nice, though she won’t admit it ( it is better than any real gift that she could receive ). Syo is kind enough to back off long enough to let her have this moment. “You can ask them later— focus on, on what you need to plan.”

By something short of a miracle, they are able to pull together a party that is not a complete disaster, even if Komaru probably has a point when she says the bar to clear is a pretty low standard for all parties involved. The closest she has to an actual concern is the very narrowly avoided fight that almost breaks out when Masaru and Kotoko fight over which one of them should give their present first— which is apparently the competitive aspect of the party? It’s probably meant to be heartwarming, if it were not such a foreign thing to Touko. Which Nagisa is quick to put an end to: because this is how they would treat Monaca, which is not inherently healthy, and she’s glad that at least one of them can recognize that fact now. Jataro spends the entirety of the fight trying to hide behind her long skirt and, relatable kid, and rubs the top of his head while Komaru tries to both scold them for fighting and appease them because they’re, well. Kids. Who still need to learn some things and have time to unlearn things.

So yeah, it’s a good party— for not being on her actual birthday, she’ll consider it one of the better memories Touko has associated with the day. The start of many, she’d like to hope.

#tokomaru week 2021 #tokomaru #toukomaru #komaru naegi #toko fukawa #touko fukawa #danganronpa #udg #dr:ae #* zhi writes #glad to have the excuse to finally post something w/ these girls.#i have several long wips w/ them w/ no motivation to finish :/

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kizykinz · 5 years

Text

My Opinion on Shawn Right Now

Warning: I’m probably going to cry and I have a feeling that this is going to make me very vulnerable. Also, if you disagree, that’s fine, but please keep in mind that it’s an opinion and there is a person behind the screen. <3

Here it is. Here is what I've been dying to say for a long time. Can I just start off by saying that I love this boy so much? Like literally so much. I know everyone says it, but he’s helped me a lot. He’s inspired me to be a better person (not physically because I don’t work out smh). I remember being nine or ten years old (op, age reveal if you do the math) and scrolling through YouTube and finding a video of a boy with a hat on singing Wanted by Hunter Hayes. I remember Shawn not being that popular. I remember Magcon and the vines and I remember thinking that this kid right here. He’s going to change the world. I remember when he posted prom photos with Lauren and I remember him being active on Tumblr. I remember him being young. God, I remember when him and Lauren were a big deal.

IKWYDLS was a huge deal. It was a great song for it’s time and was played everywhere, every minute. I remember watching videos of Shawn and Camila and not shipping them because I didn’t get that vibe from them. they seemed like genuine friends. Time skip to when Senorita came out. None of us was expecting it to say the least. When I first watched the video, it was 12 a.m. in Colorado. I was with my sister and she said, “they seem awkward.” and I didn’t really pay attention BECAUSE SHAWN MENDES MADE A STEAMY MUSIC VIDEO IM SHOOK was still running through my veins haha. I also thought of how crazy stan twitter must of been going. (Im not apart of stan twitter anymore. It’s a long story. And a story for a different time). I seriously didn’t think anything of shawnmila. I was just proud of my bambi. Then, shit started going down real quick. But you guys know the story. Let’s go to Shawn performing in Denver. I watched him perform Senorita/IKWYDLS and when he opened his eyes they were glossy, and almost looked dead in a way? (this was after the kissing video got leaked) No one else really noticed. But there were a couple of fans that did I bet. Then, he asked how many people had watched/listened to him since his first album and even before that. Not a lot of people cheered, but there was still some, including me. He looked up and he just smiled. It was a comfortable smile too. One that said he knew that we know a lot about him, if that makes any sense. And honestly, he seemed so happy and he looked so refreshed. It looked as if he dropped the mask and he let it go. And it was like 16 year old shawn was sitting there, about to play some old songs for the crowd and that C was just a friend. Almost like he could’ve just stopped the concert and had a real talk right there. I honestly didn’t care about him and Camila that much. I didn’t care if it was for PR or not. I wanted a fic where the reader teaches him how to kiss instead though smh. I just thought, well, as long as he’s happy it’s none of my business what’s going on behind closed doors. The past couple weeks, I’ve noticed something. The bags under his eyes are growing and he’s always drinking tea or his leg is always bouncing. His anxiety is getting to him. Then, I heard a rumor that he went backstage after a show one night and had a breakdown because he felt like he was letting us down. Then, yesterday when he wouldn’t take a photo with a fan when C was there, even though he loves us and loves taking photos with us, put me on edge a bit. Ngl. When I heard about the qna and him not answering a simple question that has NOTHING really to do with C, sent me. I was so fucking pissed at Shawn for doing this. For not listening to us and lying to us and all of that. But then I thought, he doesn’t hate anything more in the world than lying to us and keeping secrets. He doesn’t hate anything more in the world than saying no to photos with fans because he genuinely loves us to death. All of it is slowly killing him. It’s so obvious. He’s not being Shawn at the QnA’s, his eyes are either always puffy and red or always black with the bags. He’s constantly drinking calming tea, his leg is bouncing a lot, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s taking his meds that slow his heart rate again. I bet you he’s closing us out because he doesn't even know what's going on. He’s hurting us, and he knows it. It’s killimg him. C is killing him. He’s tired and he’s upset and she’s probably pushing him to do more, PR or not. God, I love that kid so much. and here we go. I’m crying smh. He deserves all the happiness in the world. He deserves a girl that treats him right. I’m not being “a jealous 15 year old girl” because honestly. I don’t want to date Shawn Mendes. I don’t. At all. I want to be his friend and go on tour with him. I don’t want to go on book dates and make out with him in a restaurant. I’ll happily be a fan rather than be with him. He deserves gluten-free blueberry muffins at 10 a.m. He deserves to go home after a long day to whoever he wants. He deserves to go on tour and meet the fans. But, this girl is killing him. It’s pretty damn obvious. Even though he’s not off the hook with me about what he did at the QnA, he still deserves everything this world has to offer him. And god dammit, I was pissed for a hot minute at him. If he doesn’t want questions about it, don’t do it in public. I get that it sucks but it is his life too. @serendipitousshawn ‘s inbox was probably filled with me ranting about it haha. but, he’s not even 21 yet. He’s a celebrity. He’s a full grown fucking man and he made an oopsies. He apologized on twitter (even tho he deleted the tweet smh) and I bet money he’s going to apologize at the QnA today. If he doesn’t, I might lose it. So Long fucking rant short. He made a mistake, I’m still kinda pissed at him?, and @serendipitousshawn would’ve made a better explanation than me and thats the tea.

#shawn mendes #shawnmila #rant #tea #imreadyforthehateletsdothis

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

Text

834.

How have you been feeling lately? Have you been doing ok? >> Eh. As long as nothing unpredictable happens, I’m mostly fine... but I’ve also had at least two meltdowns in the past week, so “mostly fine” is obviously a cover-up of some sort. I don’t really know what to do about it, so I am kind of just holding my breath through every day, hoping I don’t lose it over something trivial.

Are you currently in quarantine? >> No, the stay-at-home order has been lifted. Still not really going anywhere, though.

Do you wear a mask when you go to the store? >> We didn’t this past weekend, which I don’t feel great about, but I ordered a bandana yesterday so I’ll hopefully have it before this coming weekend.

Does your state require people to wear masks in stores? >> Well, they say they require it, but we were definitely not the only people in stores without masks on. So I don’t know what the deal is with that. I think maybe stores are weighing how much it’s worth having to deal with irate customers who can’t stand being turned away for not complying with the mask rule (Michigan is, after all, the state where armed protesters stormed the capitol building to harass the governor for extending the stay-at-home order...). Regardless, now that I will actually have a face covering next time, I’m going to use it.

Do you know anyone who's had the coronavirus? >> No.

What was the last sweet treat you ate? >> I ate part of a lemon coconut cookie.

Was it a nice day out today? >> It’s pretty nice, yeah.

Is the weather nice where you live usually? >> Usually? I wouldn’t say that. Winter lingers around here for a long time, and winter does not usually bring pleasant weather (in my opinion). Also, we get a lot of wacky lake-effect weather.

What was the last thing you ordered online? >> A bandana. It has a Baphomet on it, heh.

Are you expecting a package right now? >> Well, yeah, the bandana. Should be here Thursday or Friday (it’d better be, considering I paid extra for quicker shipping).

Have you ever ordered anything from Wish? If so, what did you buy, and did you feel it was worth it? >> I haven’t, but Sparrow’s ordered stuff from them. I think she likes everything she’s gotten (although she hasn’t gotten everything she’s ordered, which is annoying).

Are you a youtuber? If so, are you consistent with uploads? and how many subscribers do you have? >> I am not, nor would I ever be, a youtuber.

What is one thing you hate about summer? >> Heat waves. I like warmth, but too hot is too hot.

Did you go outside today? >> Not yet.

What is the name of your youtube channel, if you have one? >> ---

What was the name of the last store or restaurant that overcharged you? >> I can’t recall being overcharged anywhere.

Is your room more often messy or clean? >> On the cleaner side than the messier side.

Who is someone you miss? >> ---

What is something you miss? >> ---

Do you feel like your emotions are often haywire? >> I feel like that pretty frequently, yeah. I’m either having no emotions or having a veritable perfect storm of them, and I’d really like to find a fucking balance at some point.

Have you ever received a misdiagnosis from a doctor? >> I’ve mostly received misdiagnoses from doctors.

Have you ever been "diagnosed" with a mental illness from an online friend? who is not a doctor? If yes, isn't that frustrating? >> Nah, I’ve not had that experience.

Do you have any friends that you can trust and tell everything to? >> ---

What was the name of your favorite roommate you've had? >> ---

Do you have a favorite book that you've read multiple times? >> Yeah, there are a few books I’ve read multiple times.

What's one book or book series that you've read multiple times? >> I’ve read Dreamcatcher by Stephen King at least twice.

Have you ever had an embarrassing bathroom accident? >> Yeah.

What was the name of the funniest kid you've ever babysat? >> ---

Do you enjoy babysitting? >> Never done it.

Do you have any big regrets? >> No.

Are there things about your past that bother you? >> I mean... I’m post-traumatic, lmao.

What was the last thing you saw or read on social media that made you angry? >> That doesn’t really happen to me.

Do you often post about controversial topics on facebook? >> I don’t post on facebook at all.

Do you think it's a good idea to post about serious topics on social media? or do you think that it's better to discuss serious topics in person? >> I think that a lot of misunderstanding happens on social media that could possibly be avoided or at least worked through with more efficiency in person. I do say possibly, because like, who knows, really. But there are many discussions I wouldn’t bother getting into on social media (especially where other people can see it and jump in with their two cents), that I might be more willing to discuss one-on-one with a person in a controlled environment. Which is why I hate that people don’t use IM/DM functions more often for working through sensitive topics (like “I have a problem with something you said in [x] post and I would like to work it out with you” or whatever), instead of turning it into a public fucking debate.

What was your favorite book you had to read for school? >> Their Eyes Were Watching God.

Have you ever failed a class and had to repeat it? >> No, I got no credit for a class and had to repeat it.

What class in school did you hate the most? >> All of them lmao

Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? >> Fuck no.

What's one childhood dream that has stuck with you, and one that has not? >> ---

Would you want to re-live your childhood over again if you could? >> FUCK NO.

Which do you like more: being an adult or being a kid? >> I vastly prefer being an adult where I have at least some semblance of agency and control over my own life, instead of being subject to the whims of people who don’t actually care about what I want or need or feel but are mostly thinking about what they want out of me.

At what age were you when you started to feel like you were mature enough to offer others advice? >> I don’t recall having this thought, like, ever. I offer advice when someone’s asked for it and I feel like I have some to offer. I don’t give a fuck what my age is.

Did your parents smoke or drink when you were growing up? >> No.

Do you enjoy bonfires? >> Yes.

Have you ever stepped on a sparkler? >> No.

What, do you know of, are you allergic to? >> Nothing.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulence? >> Yep, front and back.

What is your favorite version of the Bible to read, if applicable? >> I prefer the NIV for just regular reading, but ngl, the KJV has some turns of phrase that can be really poetic-sounding in certain verses.

Do you follow trends? or are you a trendsetter? >> Literally neither. I just do what I want.

Has anyone ever described you as a trendsetter? >> No.

Do you know anyone who used to be loving, but then turned cold? List three people you've known whom this has happened to. >> I don’t know anyone like that, which is good, because that is definitely red-flag behaviour.

What SAT subjects, if any, did you get a perfect score in? >> ---

What were your best subjects in school? and what was your favorite subject in school? >> ---

Have you ever been abused by a parent or legal guardian? >> Yes.

Do you have a lot of wounds from your past? >> Nope. Not a single one.

Has anyone ever called you a jerk? >> Probably.

Are you a jerk? >> Probably.

What color were your bedroom walls in high school? >> I assume they were the Nothing(tm) colour that is standard in apartment complexes.

Is there a girl or guy you wish you hadn't let slip away? >> No.

Is there an old friend that you miss and would like to reconnect with? >> No.

Who has hurt you the most? >> Sigh.

Have you been bullied? >> Yes.

Which talent show, if any, would you most like to audition for? and have you auditioned for one? >> I would rather die.

Do you know anyone who's auditioned for American Idol? >> No, but I know someone who auditioned for X Factor, which is largely the same concept.

Is there someone you think should audition that hasn't yet? >> No. I don’t think anyone should audition for those stupid ass shows.

What time of day do you usually feel your best? >> There is no time of day when that’s likely to happen. It depends more on my actual mental state than what time of day it is.

What's one way in which you've changed within the last ten years? >> Oh, you know, stuff.

Do you feel like time goes by fast, or slow? >> To me, it just... passes?

Who do you know who has died of cancer? >> No one.

Has there been cancer in your family? >> I don’t know.

Have you ever stayed overnight in a hospital, and if so, what for? >> Yeah. For being suicidal, or for being self-injurious, or because people just plain thought it’d be a fun thing to do to me, I don’t fucking know.

Have you ever been a victim of police misconduct? >> No.

Have you ever been so angry you wanted to sue someone? >> That... would be such a strange response to being angry at someone. For me, anyway. I don’t know, maybe it makes sense to other people. I stick to Old Reliable -- wanting to beat them to a pulp or something.

Have you ever been a victim of racism? >> I mean, probably.

Have you ever deleted a friend on facebook for making racist comments? >> No. Luckily, that’s never happened to me.

What was the last thing you ate? >> Veggie burger and chips.

What was the theme of your senior prom? >> Damned if I remember, that was like 15 years ago.

Did you go to prom? >> Yeah.

Have ever been engaged or married? >> Yeah.

Are you an aunt or uncle? >> Technically.

Do you live to glorify God and to do His will? >> No.

Are you happy with the way you are living your life day-to-day right now? >> I mean, there are worse ways to live. At least I get to decide for myself what I do with my day.

Do you feel like your life was better or worse six years ago? >> It was definitely worse. That’s not even something to question.

Have you ever made a huge, catastrophic mistake? >> I don’t think any of my mistakes qualify for such a dramatic adjective.

What's one need of yours that is currently not being met? >> ---

Do you feel like you are currently in a state of suffering? and that not all of your basic needs are being met? If so, how long have you been in a state of suffering? >> Not that kind of suffering, no -- I’ve been in that state, where most of my basic needs were not at all being met, and I’m very grateful to not have to live like that anymore. Unfortunately, living like that for extended periods of time tends to have lasting effects, which is [part of] what I’m dealing with right now.

Do you hate social injustice? >> Nah, I love it. It’s just great. It’s the best thing ever--

Are you happy with the current social class you are in? >> I’m in that strange limbo where I, as an individual, am poverty-class, but since I am part of a household where the other person works a relatively okay job for a living, I get the benefits of being working-class. We’re still low-income by modern urban standards, though. Anyway, I’m fine with that for the most part, but that’s also because I’m used to being literally penniless so anything is better than that.

Do you feel like you are being given what you deserve right now? >> What the fuck do I deserve? What does that even mean? No one owes me anything.

Life isn't fair. True or false? >> I mean, true, I guess.

Do you hate that life is so unfair? >> I don’t really think about life that way. It’s people who have the option to be fair or unfair (and who have the option to perceive of things as fair or unfair); life is just... life.

Name a few people who seem to have everything handed to them. >> I don’t know anyone like that.

Who do you go to when you're upset? >> Can Calah.

Do you pray less or more than you did 5 years ago? >> I didn’t pray then and I don’t pray now, so... the same.

Do you pray a lot? >> No.

Do you frequently have back pain? >> No.

What's the worst side effect you've experienced for a medication? and what's the worst withdrawal effect you've experienced from a medicine? >> The last time I recall having side effects to medications is when I was being put on various psychiatric drugs as a teenager, but I don’t really remember any of the specifics except... being exhausted all the time (because I remember falling asleep in classes and being reprimanded for it like I’m doing it on fucking purpose).

Have you ever used an epi pen? >> No.

What's a name that you like but probably wouldn't use for one of your kids? >> ---

What's you name, and do you like it? >> Mordred. Of course I do.

Would you prefer to give your kids common names or unique names? >> ---

Do you feel like anybody values you in the way that you deserve? >> There’s that word deserve again. Anyway, yes, I’m sure someone values me well enough. Probably.

Who have you felt the most valued by? >> I guess Sparrow values me, or we wouldn’t be married. That’s how that works, right?

Have you ever been treated like you were inferior? >> Yes.

What was the name of the biggest bully in your high school? >> ---

Do you ever sleep outside? >> I’ve slept outside before, yes.

How many siblings do you have? >> ---

Are you the oldest, youngest, middle, or only child? >> I was raised as the only child in the household. I was the youngest of my father’s children.

How many kids do you want to have? >> Zero, ideally.

Do you want to get married? >> It’s already been done.

Best date you've been on? >> ---

Dream date? >> ---

Ever kissed someone on New Year's? >> Yeah.

Have you ever had an experience so good you felt like you were flying? >> Probably.

Have you ever been in so much pain you prayed that you would die? >> Yep.

What brings you the most joy? >> Uh... hmm. Good question. I’ll get back to you on that. Someday.

What is your passion; what is it that would bring you the most joy and fulfillment in life? >> I don’t think I have any passions.

Have you ever laid your dreams aside because someone else wanted you to? >> Well, fortunately for everyone else, I don’t really have any dreams.

Who supports you in everything you do? >> Sparrow is pretty supportive when I bother to do stuff.

Who always tries to stop you whenever you try to go after your dreams? >> ---

Do you believe in following your heart, in going after your dreams? >> I think that if someone has a dream, then sure, they should try to see it through. But I also think that sometimes it just ain’t worth it. It’s up to the person to make that determination, though, not me. Personally, I don’t really know what it’s like to have a dream, so it’s not like I can relate or anything.

Do you wish other people would want you to be happy? >> I don’t think people want me to suffer or anything. I think that in general, people aren’t really thinking about me at all.

Do you wish you had someone who loved and supported you? >> I do. I wish I had the capacity to feel loved and supported.

#surveys #survey #random survey

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