#i’d like to make a career of creative work someday so i am sure i will feel differently about this when that starts to come to fruition

[unspuncreature]

Bestie i really really like your art (your trans obikin had me transfixed <3) and i worry cause ai art, you know i remember seeing a post sometimes on tumblr that basically said to add a layer or smth in your art so that ai cant read it/steal it and i hope that post came across you too so you can add that :)

hello!! thank you so much for enjoying my work and thinking of me. that means so much to me ♥️✨

i think you might be referencing the glaze project! which is, as far as i know, not available for mobile devices at this time

i do all of my work on an iPad. my 10 y/o laptop kicked the bucket so i have no way of using glaze to protect my work right now :(

i’ve considered using larger and more encompassing watermarks/signatures in my work, but i find that this leads to less people viewing and sharing my work in the first place

i’m sacrificing some peace of mind for engagement (ew, i know). i’m still very much a small and unknown creative right now so maybe my approach will change if i see more traction in the future and need to reevaluate

this turned into a whole ramble sorry lmao

thank you again 🥹

#i’d like to make a career of creative work someday so i am sure i will feel differently about this when that starts to come to fruition #for now i’m kind of winging it #anyway t4t obikin 2023 LET’S GOOOOO #scout answers #scout.txt

[whoacanada]

Zimbits - Bartender!Jack + NHL!Bitty AU

Prompt: Retired NHL player Jack Zimmermann takes ownership of a sports bar in Pittsburgh and accidentally falls for the Penguins’ (closeted) new left winger.

A/N - just the start, I’d like to get around to more of this; the basic idea was an It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia AU, but I couldn’t manage to make everyone that terrible so Jack owns and operates a gay sports bar and starts crushing on one of his patrons.

“Can’t believe you’ve owned this place since ’89.” Jack coughs, waving the dust away from his face. “Did you ever come back after we moved home?”

It’d be disingenuous to say Jack had been expecting anything other than cigars and whiskey when his father had invited him on a trip down to Pittsburgh to see Mario and glad-hand some Penguins sponsors. In fact, he’d kind of been looking forward to sulking and getting shit-faced, not limping around a condemned building dodging roaches and rats.

“It was an investment opportunity. That was the trend back then, famous athletes buying up restaurants and clubs — I had big plans for this building. Then your mother got pregnant and I realized I didn’t really give two shits about running a nightclub.”

“Realized you were pretty lazy, huh?”

As Bob laughs, Jack picks at the peeling, lacquered bartop, trying not to imagine how many decades of grime he’s just collecting under his nail, the situation made even more disgusting in such close proximity to the glittering gold championship ring his father had insisted he wear to their lunch meeting with the Penguins front-office suits. Jack flicks the gunk away as Bob levels him with a weighty look, hands braced in the air as if outlining a play and not offering a tour of a cobweb-filled dive.

“Here’s my thought,” Bob says. “The bar. It’s yours.”

Jack leans against the counter, taking some weight off his braced leg, and asks, “What’s mine?”

“This place,” Bob gestures around the room. “The whole building. It’s just sitting here, empty, the bar, the liquor license, there’s apartments and office space upstairs, we’d just need to do some renovations and —“

Jack can’t help himself. He barks a laugh and says, “I’m not moving to Pittsburgh.”

“How many times have you and I talked about opening a sports bar? I’d wanted to get this place fixed up so it’d be ready when you retired, but since the final — you could make it a gay bar, even, if you wanted!” Bob says quickly, offering another awkward olive branch. “A gay sports bar. I wouldn’t care.”

“A gay sports bar. In Pittsburgh,” Jack echoes, reaching for a chirp to defend himself, but he closes him mouth as he realizes a sports bar run by a Zimmermann might not be a terrible investment idea. “The building needs a ton of work,” Jack settles. “I just saw a rat.”

“That was a mouse,” Bob dismisses, not bothering to look at the rat still clearly in view. “Nothing that can’t be fixed. Got a dollar?”

Jack pats his pockets, finds a spare looney and hands it over. Bob doesn’t hesitate, pulling an envelope out of his back pocket to exchange for the coin.

“Congratulations. You are now the proud owner of,” Bob looks around helplessly. “I actually don’t know what they call this place now. A Bar?”

“I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” Jack swallows against the tightness in his throat, holding the deed carefully in his hands. “Thanks, Dad.”

Bob brings Jack in for a loose hug and they both ignore the soft squeaking coming from the backroom.

Five Years Later

There’s a man examining the announcement board in the vestibule, and Jack knows that posture: the forward hip cant, thick thighs, a small but definite bubble butt — guy’s a hockey player, and he has been for some time.

“Hey. Hi.”

Blondie spins around at Jack’s address. Not quite startled, but something close enough that Jack feels a twinge of guilt. “You interested in playing in our beer league? You look like you might know your way around a rink.”

The man quickly looks at his chest, as if expecting to find something displayed, but relaxes immediately. Jack fights a grin, he was once old hat at wandering into public spaces decked out in identifiable team merch.

“Bitty.” The man squares up to offer his hand; his accent is warm and distinctly southern, not at all what Jack was expecting. “You can call me Bitty.”

“Oh, with a nickname like that, you have to play, now, no excuses,” Jack gives Bitty’s arm a firm shake, surprised at how complementary his grip is; not just an overcompensating bro who’s walked into the wrong club.

“If only I had the time,” Bitty placates wryly. “Is this place new?”

“Been here a few years, but not long. How about you? Are you ‘new’? In town, I mean.”

“Moved for work,” Bitty’s smile is timid, eyes darting around the room looking for other patrons, up at the memorabilia and the various pennants. “First year. Slowly learning the area.”

Jack doesn’t miss the way Bitty’s eyes linger on the Pride flag draped from the second floor railing, but Bitty doesn’t mention it, and Jack isn’t in the business of prying.

“Let me be the first to welcome you to The Bar.”

“I saw that outside, do you not have a name?”

“We weren’t creative. The owner didn’t realize he was filling in the wrong line on the business license so we are literally called ‘The Bar’.”

“That’s actually pretty solid,” Bitty laughs, the sound lifting Jack’s mood easily. “I’ll have to make sure I come back and patron your establishment at a reasonable hour.”

“What you aren’t interested at getting sloshed before noon?”

Bitty laughs, and Jack is enough of an adult to recognize he’s got a tiny bit of a crush.

______

True to form, Bitty slowly becomes a feature of Jack’s early afternoons. The first few weeks, he does little more than quietly purchase a single domestic beer before tucking himself away in a corner booth, hunched over his phone, ball cap pulled low for discretion. Jack gives him space, and aside from a few curious regulars, Bitty is little more than another closeted young man seeking quiet sanctuary.

That is, until, hockey kicks up and Mario hooks Jack up with season tickets beside the bench. It’d taken time for Jack to get comfortable with being in an arena again, especially without the ability to step onto the ice himself, but he’s acclimated and learned to appreciate his new lot in life. He can be happy for his success and mourn the end of his career with equal measure.

(Doesn’t hurt he still gets asked for autographs on the regular.)

Bittle, the new forward traded out of Columbus, spins to whip the puck between Lundqvist’s thighs and the score is 3-2 with a minute left in the third. Jack stands to cheer with the crowd as Bittle’s pulled into a celly with his line mates, and the new angle gives Jack a good look at the man’s sunny face, complete with a familiar, bright smile and missing canine. Jack’s heart leaps into his throat when he realizes Bittle is ‘Bitty’, and Jack can’t help but cheer louder.

________

After the game, Jack does his homework. Pulls up stats pages and articles on Eric Bittle. Looking to link the quiet hottie from his bar with the energetic man he saw tonight on the ice. If Jack wasn’t in love before, he absolutely is after watching highlights from Bittle’s time in Columbus.

The next time Jack finds Bitty slipping into the bar, probably between practice and a good nap, Jack makes his move; filling a pint glass, wedging an orange slice on the rim, and adjusting his shirt before striding to the corner booth as easily as one can with a titanium femur.

“On the house,” Jack says, setting down the glass gently. “Choice goal, Tuesday. Great bounce.”

Bitty’s grateful smile falters, turning into something guarded.

“What goal?” Bitty asks, voice steady, and Jack’s immediately alerted to his misstep. Jack casts a careful eye around the room and doesn’t find anyone watching, kicking himself for not thinking this through. He’s used to playing this game with guys who aren’t quite comfortable, who might be visiting with the wrong people, but he hasn’t had to do the closeted-pro-athlete dance in a while.

“You know, I must have been mistaken.”

“Happens all the time. Very sweet of you, though.” Bitty apologizes and pushes away the beer, but Jack waves him off. It’s the least Jack can do for calling the guy out.

“I should have known,” Jack tries to recover. “You’ve still got all your chiclets. But, between you and me, Bittle’s a spitfire, eh? Crazy soft hands. I’d like to meet him someday.”

Jack whistles low, rapping his knuckles on the table before turning back to the bar, moving slowly enough he catches the way Bitty’s cheeks flare pink at the compliment.

About thirty minutes later, Jack, half focused on counting down the till, nearly misses Bitty’s exit. He looks up to offer a parting wave, and Bitty returns the gesture, flashing a shy, incomplete smile; one canine missing on the left side.

________

“Anything new to report? Sales look good, think you might be able to take some time off and visit your poor parents?”

Jack slides open a window to let some air into his bedroom, not for the first time wishing he’d taken the chance to tear out a wall and convert a corner of the top floor into a balcony. There’s still time — his father never seems to wary of giving Jack renovation loans — but Jack loves his condo and hates the idea of relocating again, even temporarily.

“New distillery opened, cut a deal on some local gin. We’re working on drink specials, if you have any ideas for names I’m open,” Jack eases onto the windowsill and looks down at the line of people waiting to get into the bar. “And I met someone. Think he might be a hockey player.”

“No shit? Beer-league?”

“NHL.” Jack corrects, an edge of caution in his tone he knows his father won’t misinterpret. “Started coming around a few months ago, gave me a fake name. Went to a game last week, scored right in front of me.”

“Well, you going to tell me who or am I going to have to guess?”

“He’s keeping to himself,” Jack holds the curtain steady to catch sight of a particularly flashy person in a glittering teal gown, texting Holster to snag a photo for the bar’s Instagram. “Don’t go hunting.”

“Well, if he needs any help you let me know.”

“What could you do?”

“I don’t know. Talk to . . . someone. I guess.”

“I’ll keep that under advisement.” Jack placates, smiling at the saucy photo Ransom texts back immediately of Holster lifting their favorite Drag Race runner-up above his head like something out of Dirty Dancing.

“So.”

“Mmm?”

“Does this mean you’ve got a little boyfriend, again?”

Jack leans out over the railing and tries to see if the universe has blessed him with a sighting of his favorite new Left Winger. Sadly, it’s Saturday evening and the Penguins are in Dallas, so no Eric tonight. 

“Working on it.” Jack offers, rapping his knuckles lightly against the window sill and trying not to think about the way Bittle’s face lights up when he sees that Jack is working. “Think I might really have a shot at something.”

“Well, you know what Wayne always says.”

“I do,” Jack breathes, pressing his forehead against the cool glass, taking in his one-of-a-kind view of the city. “I’ll let you know how it goes. Once he gets back.”

“ — You know, I’ve got the game on right now. I bet you $1000 I can tell who you’ve got the hots for. You have a specific type — ”

“Papa.”

“Okay, I won’t.”

“Thank you.”

“But it’s the kid we just got from the Blue Jackets, isn’t it. Bittle? You always like the fast ones — ”

“Goodnight, Papa.”

#bar au #jack zimmermann #NHL!Bitty #zimbits #Zimmermann #retired Jack #zimbits fic #look I wrote a thing #it's only been forever #my fic #my stuff #omgcp #check please

[lilydalexf]

Old School X is a project interviewing X-Files fanfic authors who were posting fic during the original run of the show. New interviews are posted every Tuesday.

Interview with Penumbra

Penumbra has 9 stories at Gossamer and 1 at AO3. You can find her complete catalogue here. If you’ve read any X-Files fic, surely you have read at least one of her stories. If not, why not? Some wondrous places to start are Parabiosis, Contact High, Black Hole Season, and Heuvelmans’ On the Track. Big thanks to Penumbra for doing this interview.

Does it surprise you that people are still interested in reading your X-Files fanfics and others that were posted during the original run of the show (1993-2002)?

In a way, yes. There are no precedents for what happened to us with XF fandom, and in the late aughts it all seemed to be over. I got out and never looked back, haha. What really surprised me was to find, all these years on, that there are still X-Philes, although it does make sense they’d seek out those wonderful old fics we wrote.

What was it that got you hooked on the X-Files as a show?

Let's be honest, in my Penumbra days I was in a bad situation, the X-Files was a coping mechanism, and Mulder and Scully's relationship an idealization. I latched onto it as only a lonely obsessive can. The X-Files withholds; it opens up metamagical voids; it isolates while simultaneously plunging one into an ethereal community. It’s the tattoo I deserve.

Social media didn't really exist during the show's original run. How were you most involved with the X-Files online (atxc, message board, email mailing list, etc.)?

The X-Files forced me to get online. Computers weren’t a part of my life, so I sneaked into the local university comp labs and figured it out. It was absolutely terrifying, like landing a space capsule, and I didn’t have ID and lived in fear of being caught. The first thing I typed into a computer was ‘X-Files’. So renegade! My heart was pounding and I thought sirens might sound and fire doors engage.

The Fox site had an X-Files forum that was utter pandemonium. Glorious and scary. At that time, I was one of the many Starbucks. The people on atxc seemed way too smart and opinionated. It was hard to even get membership in forums; they were heavily moderated. Mostly I remember lots of email friendships. Sometimes a kindly mature Phile would reach down from the ether with some words of wisdom. A. I. Irving was one. She was dealing with M.S., and writing fic while she still could. It is with an enormous sense of poignancy that I think of the people who were the ‘adults’ of the fandom then. Now I’m ancient in Phile years, but at the time I was just a clueless twenty-something, looking up to all those greats.

What got you involved with X-Files fanfic?

Wow, as WE ALL KNOW, discovering X-Files fanfic was a revelation. Whew! I thought: stand back, the professionals are handling this. The authors were about as human as Greek gods. Eventually it dawned on me that anyone could write it.

The first fic I wrote was HORRIBLE. I put a link to it on my site, so that people can get a little hit of schadenfreude. Those early stories were on shaky footing. I had no confidence in myself. I felt intimidated writing about sophisticated, highly-educated career people when I was none of those things. Heck, I was cleaning motel rooms. I'm still none of those things, but, through Mulder and Scully, I've lived that life a little bit, and it was fun.

The third story, 'Contact High', was all sex and drugs. I’d done acid and shrooms, so finally, a subject I could assert some authority over! I decided to just go for it. That abandon was a breakthrough, and Penumbra came into being. But there was so much going on inside me, it was hardly harnessable; as stories like ‘Vespers’ and ‘Black Hole Season’ show, it was like getting on a horse that you can't control and just clinging to its neck as it gallops.

This time around, in my latest incarnation, I feel that I have a better perspective on Mulder and Scully, more of an even footing. I’ve been through a lot, and in 'Hotel-Zero', I wanted to demonstrate not just how to survive, but how to survive as yourself. I wanted to maybe create a sort of handbook for how to keep your head above water. Life is hard for all of us, people are hard on us. You need to keep a singular perspective on yourself, and allow no one modify it.

What did you take away from your experience with X-Files fic or with the fandom in general?

I’ve had two separate experiences, with a seven-year hiatus, and I wouldn't have missed either of them for the world. Belonging to an obscure hive mind has been one of the most interesting and rewarding (not to mention super-secret) facets of my life, and that will always be my overall takeaway as an X-Phile.

However, as the fandom imploded there was understandable backlash against the whole Penumbra thing. The panegyric was just too much, the style definitely overblown. I posted 'Fathoms Five' as things were melting down, and there was real outrage. People were boycotting it as a political statement. Oh, we were all so raw—the X-Files was ending and IWTB was a heartbreaker. At that point I’d been working on 'Heuvelmans’ for a couple of years and was forced to admit I couldn’t finish it, nor would it be well-accepted if I did. So you can sort of see the baggage I was carrying when I left the fandom, not to mention the creative angst.

Three things brought me back:

1. They started filming the Revival. I flipped out at the thought of seeing Mulder and Scully again.

2. @perplexistan contacted me, and I realized there was a frisky pack of Philes on tumblr. Philes are my people, that’s just a fact.

3. I read @teethnbone’s ‘Das Ding’, which zapped at my temples like thunderstorm electrodes. So, there I was, in a trance, making the Devil’s Tower out of mashed potatoes.

Were you involved with any fandoms after the X-Files? If so, what was it like compared to X-Files?

No, I would consider it a sacrilege. I have loved and admired many other television series, but writing X-Files fic for Philes has been too extraordinary an experience to dilute. I have a zillion obsessions, but for only one am I fannish.

Do you think you'll ever write another X-Files story? Or dust off and post an oldie that for whatever reason never made it online?

I just finished up that monster oldie called ‘Heuvelmans’ On the Track’, under the name The Mythopoeic. It’s on AO3. I have a couple of obscure side projects with a writing buddy. And I have another old fic called ‘Blue Ruin’, a cancer arc fic I’d like to finish someday.

What is your relationship like now to X-Files fandom?

It is very nice. People are gentle and welcoming. Philes used to criticize stories mercilessly and authoritatively, but you don’t see that a lot anymore.  I have plenty of outside projects, so I am trying to ease away, you know, like taking off your shoes to slip out of the room after the baby’s fallen asleep.

Is there anything else you'd like to share with fans of X-Files fic?

I’d like each one of you to know that your belief in me changed my life and saved me a thousand times over.

(Posted by Lilydale on December 8, 2020)

#new post #old school x #xfiles fanfic #xf fanfic #xf fanfic author interviews #penumbra

[kookiebunnii]

lucky in love || min yoongi

→ summary: you didn’t expect to start your day with an arrow to the heart, quite literally, but neither did you expect to meet cupid himself. quickly realizing that you aren’t dramatically falling in love from the effects of cupid’s arrow, the two of you unexpectedly team up to solve this curious dilemma. however, at the end of it all, what if cupid is the one falling in love?

→ pairing: cupid!yoongi x reader

→ genre: roman/greek mythology au, fluff 

→ word count: 6.6k

→ warnings: mature language

→ a/n: this is sort of a half-gift to myself and @cinnaminsvga​, the author who actually inspired me to write again. i just hit 200 followers, and i guess i also wanted zee to know that her works definitely motivate and inspire others!

♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡     

Sitting in your armchair, embroidering little white carnations into the hem of the wedding dress in your hands, you truly thought that you couldn’t be any more content. This particular order had recently prompted the idea of “love” into your mind whenever you worked, as your customer had practically beamed with excitement when talking about her fiancée. Although your family and friends seemingly had your relationship status on the forefront of their minds, it wasn’t something you chose to fret about. You’d had your fair share of boyfriends, men you enjoyed spending time with and even one you thought about a “happily ever after” with. But of course, your career and independent personality typically got in the way.

It had led to heartaches and internal turmoil early on in your life, but now you were a freelancer, a fashion designer making clothes from your apartment. It wasn’t the most luxurious life imaginable, but it was the life you wanted. You were able to do what you loved while helping others. Romantic love just wasn’t on this week’s to-do list...orders were.

You set the piece down and slowly rotate your wrists to chase the stiffness away from your joints. Taking a sip of your chamomile tea, you watch as the horizon outside your window lights the buildings aglow with an orange and pink hue. The colors are beautiful, and you’re briefly inspired. Heading to your workbench in the room next to you, you grab your pocket notebook and scribble down the colors you see outside. You always wrote little notes in this particular journal, hoping to use it for your own creative works someday if not for a future customer’s order. Examining the words “pink, orange, yellow blending” in your casual scrawl, you flip to previous pages to reread your past bouts of inspiration.

You sigh, knowing that this wedding dress was your last big order for the month. Perhaps you now have enough time and funds saved up to work on something for yourself next week.

Your discarded cell phone on the couch begins beeping incessantly, so you set your notebook back down and skirt over to check what it’s for. You make a small sound of happiness, remembering that you had ordered Thai food for dinner tonight. Taking off your work apron and hanging it on a hook in your office, you find the warmest coat you own before rushing out the door.

Weather these days is like a finicky child who can’t make up his mind. In the daylight you’d have to pull on a t-shirt and a long skirt to fully appreciate the rare breezes that danced through the open windows. However, after sunset, temperatures could drop quite steeply. You’re reminded of this again when you’re forced to tuck your hands into your pockets and tell yourself to hurry.

The street is lit with soft lamplight and despite the cold and hunger resting in your belly, the artist in you can’t help but appreciate how beautiful this sight is as well. Round circles of yellow going from intense to faded against a midnight blue backdrop fill your thoughts. It’s so distracting that you almost walk past your destination without realizing.

Quickly backpedaling a few steps, you head into Thai Us Together—you must give the owners credit for their pun-tastic name—and greet the familiar worker at the front desk. She engages you in some polite conversation before handing you your usual order and bidding you goodbye.

It’s only when you are a few steps away from the entrance to your apartment complex that you are hit in the chest by an arrow.

You realize this not because you feel any sort of pain from the attack, but because a translucent arrow radiating a pinkish glow is now visibly protruding from your front. Firmly planted above your ribs, you’re momentarily at a loss. Perhaps any normal person would be screaming in terror, but you just stare, wide-eyed, wondering if you were dreaming. Things never got this crazy in your dreams though.

“Why isn’t it working?”

You blink and suddenly there’s a dark-haired, pale-faced man in front of you. He doesn’t look much older than you, as he stands in front of you with his arms crossed. Frowning in discontent, he stares in the direction of your chest unabashedly and you feel that you have the right to be more than a little offended.

“Um, hello? My eyes are up here.”

When his eyes finally find yours, they’re filled with shock with a little bit of fear mixed in. You almost wonder if you’d grown a second head or something, with the way he was staring at you.

“You can see me?” he asks, pointing at himself as you roll your eyes in response.

“Who else is staring at my chest around here? Yes, you.”

The boy starts laughing, his gums showing cutely in response to your curt reply. You can feel your cheeks warming as you wonder whether your statement deserved to be received with this much amusement.

“You’re a funny one,” he finally notes, before a worried expression takes over his features again, “But you’re human aren’t you? You shouldn’t be able to see me.”

You adjust your takeout in your hands before resting a hand on your hip, “Well, I see you very clearly. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have pad thai to enjoy and an arrow to the heart to deal with.”

He grabs your arm, and the touch is so palpable that you know now that you’re definitely not dreaming. You turn to meet the stranger’s gaze again, and the curiosity filling his brown eyes is undeniable.

“You see the arrow too?” he whispers in awe, gesturing to the faint but very noticeable projectile still lodged in your front.

Sighing, you say, “Okay at least I’m not hallucinating this then. Look, I need to try and get this thing out and get to my dinner. If you don’t have any suggestions on how to remove arrows that don’t even feel like they’re actually there, then I suggest you head home.”

He follows you through the gate, matching your hurried steps with ease until you finally snap and turn on him. He almost bumps into you as a result of your sudden halt but quickly readjusts himself and looks at you with an unreadable expression.

After a short glaring contest, he gives you a small smile with a glint in his eye, “I know exactly how to get that out. In fact, I was the one who shot it.”

 ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡    

 Maybe all these years of living alone has finally dulled your warning senses to the point where you were fine letting dangerous strangers into your home. You’d always been too trusting of a person, but you felt too tired and confused to put up much of a fight tonight anyways. You just wanted to enjoy one of your favorite noodle dishes and get rid of whatever black magic was involved in this painless arrow buried inside you. If it meant inviting a random puzzling but handsome individual into your abode, then so be it.

As you dig into your meal, you watch as your guest sips on his glass of water. He had denied your offer of food, but you could at least say you were a polite host. With your stomach now appeased, you take your own gulp of water before launching into an interrogation.

“Who are you?” you ask.

He tilts his head, observing you for what feels like the seventh time that day. Finally, he leans back in his seat in thought. The silence permeates your residence for a good minute before he finally utters, “I’m Cupid, God of desire, attraction, and affection.”

You stop mid-chew to openly gawk at the black-haired male in front of you. This boy, dressed in a large hoodie and ripped jeans, is supposed to be the fat baby featured on Valentine’s Day cards? Maybe you brought a crackhead into your home.

“I know what you’re thinking. You mortals have ruined my image recently and as a result I am no longer receiving the respect I deserve,” he purses his lips before setting his water glass aside and openly observing you again, “But I am in fact Cupid.

“Okay let’s say you are Cupid or whatever and you shot me. Doesn’t this mean I’m supposed to fall in love now or something? I don’t feel anything other than a desire to finish the rest of this delicious pad thai.”

He doesn’t even smile at your attempt at lighthearted humor, instead wrinkling his brow further at your words.

“That is rather curious.”

Fiddling with a stray bean sprout on your plate, you add, “Well, could we start with removing this first?”

He finally gives you an amused grin when you gesture to the faint outline of an arrow above your ribs, which appears to be growing increasingly hard to see as time passes. Maybe you are finally going off the deep end.

“It’ll disappear soon,” and as soon as the words leave his lips, the arrow has faded entirely. He turns slightly, and a quiver suddenly appears on his back. You count 11 arrows before another slowly fills the remaining empty spot to complete the final dozen.

Your jaw is practically on the floor at this display.

“I need to figure out why this is happening,” he muses, resting his chin on his hand and training his unwavering gaze on you once again.

Jeez, you were starting to feel like an exhibit at the zoo.

“Look, as much as I appreciate meeting a god, I have work to do and a deadline to meet. I’m sure this is very fascinating, but frankly I’d rather not fall in love anyways so I’m quite glad this didn’t work,” you stand up to set your cleared dish in the sink before heading for the door to escort him out.

“Why not?” he asks, as if he couldn’t imagine why anyone would ever not want to be in love.

You turn after undoing the lock at your door to find that he still hasn’t budged from his chair. Clearly not on the same page as you are, you saunter over to him and do your best to give him a menacing look, “I’m happy the way I am. Now are you leaving?”

You definitely weren’t usually this rude, but the amalgamation of your anxiety to get back to work and the confusion of trying to understand what was happening to you made for a deadly combo. Today’s events were definitely giving you a short fuse. If this offends him, Cupid sure doesn’t show it, because he just gives you a small tilt of his lips before heading to your kitchen to wash his empty cup.

You watch, mystified, as he sets his cup on the drying rack before washing the plate you had left in the sink earlier. At this point you rush forward, embarrassed, but he simply shakes the excess water off the plate before leaving it next to his discarded cup. You thought Cupid was supposed to be mischievous, and maybe this guy was, but he was definitely going out of his way to be nice to you.

“Thanks” you mumble halfheartedly, suddenly feeling a bit regretful that you were trying your damnedest to shoo him out earlier.

He chuckles, drying his hands on your teacloth hanging nearby before asking, “Can I ask you some questions?”

Deciding that no ill-natured person would go through the trouble of washing your dishes before murdering you, you lead him to your living room where you were previously working on embroidery. The wedding dress is still resting on the arm of the chair you previously occupied, so you briefly excuse yourself to move the large piece back to your workspace.

When you come back, he seems to be running his tongue against the inside of his cheek in thought. It distracts you for a bit until he finally asks, “Are you getting married?”

Sputtering with a bright fuchsia across your cheekbones, you quickly reply, “No! No, it’s an order for a customer. I’m a designer.”

He sighs in relief, “Thank Zeus, I honestly thought I had lost all of my powers including my sense. Maybe it’s just my arrows that are faulty.”

When he notices how you’re looking at him quizzically, he kindly explains, “Usually, getting hit with my arrow means you fall in love with the person I’ve assigned. For some reason that clearly hasn’t happened for you. Besides, you’re definitely not supposed to see me or my arrows unless I will it to happen.”

You frown, worrying your bottom lip between your teeth as you think. If this dark-haired boy is to be trusted, was there actually something wrong with you? Additionally, who had he chosen for you? Maybe if it was meant to be and all that jazz, you could just have Cupid introduce the two of you and he can be on his way. That’d be much simpler than trying to wrap your head around the idea that Roman Gods existed.

“Who’s the person?”

He smirks, appearing to be amused at your shy remark, “Mortals are simple creatures. It matters more whether your significant other is as good-looking as you imagined than the possibility that something is very wrong with you.”

“Hey, I didn’t say that. Besides, you could just wingman me with the guy you picked and then go back to shooting people for fun. You’re acting like the end of the world is coming.”

Lounging on your couch, he grabs one of the decorative pillows next to him and begins playing with the loose strands like an easily entertained cat. You sit down next to him, grabbing the other cushion to hold in your arms for security while he exhales in disappointment.

“It’s not that easy. This isn’t something that’s supposed to happen,” he admits, tossing the pillow aside and training his eyes on you.

“Well, you could always ask one of your fellow gods, right? Isn’t your mom Venus or something? I’m sure she has plenty of experience in the love department,” you suggest, wondering if you were being too gullible by accepting and participating in his fantastical stories.

He scoffs, “If she knew about you, she’d just tell me to kill you.”

“Okay so we won’t be asking her for help under any circumstances. Got it.”

He laughs again, and you can’t help but crack a smile of your own. Maybe in another world, if he just happened to be a random boy you bumped into one day, you’d actually want to be friends with him. But in your reality, he was supposed to be a god. If your lessons in Roman mythology meant anything, humans should probably fear those like him instead of inviting them into their one-bedroom apartments.

“You’re probably one of the more amusing mortals I’ve met recently,” he grins, “Do you still want to know who I chose for you?”

Heart racing, it was as if you could feel your pulse thrumming in anticipation. Wasn’t this what every person wanted? To know who they would end up with, to know who they were supposed to love until their last breath? Even if you were a self-declared non-romantic, the idea was still interesting. Its appeal was still undeniable, even if it wasn’t a priority for you.

But then you hesitated, wondering if it was beneficial for you to even know this. Did you like the idea of this cheeky boy just randomly selecting a guy for you? Maybe free will was just an illusion, but how would you even go about your life if you knew that you were supposed to be with someone—no alternatives? That kind of pressure just didn’t float your boat at all.

“Never mind actually. It’s probably better if you don’t tell me.”

This statement surprises him, because he actually leans forward to rest his palm against your forehead with a concerned expression on his features. Up close, you can see the pretty faint freckles across the bridge of his nose and the small speckles of gold in his irises. No, this boy is definitely not human.

“What happened to Y/N?” he jokes, laughing when you brush his hand away to look at him with a frown.

“Look, it doesn’t mean I’m not curious. Besides, now I can pick who I want to be with without your ministrations being a part of it,” you huff, crossing your arms.

Smirking, you can see the mischievousness lighting up his eyes at your words, “And how will you know that the man you’ve ‘picked’ isn’t just someone else I’ve chosen to hit you through the heart with?”

You don’t respond at his teasing question which causes your guest to lean back once again with satisfaction. If he really was the omnipotent entity he claimed to be, you guess you wouldn’t really know if you liked someone out of your own volition. At least you could now pin the blame of being with some of your past exes as a result of Cupid’s interference and not your lack of good judgment.

“I’m going to have to monitor you for a few days. I’ll head back to Olympus every once in a while, seeing if I can find any answers for this oddity. If anything strange happens, just call for me.”

You pull out your cell on instinct, and he laughs while taking the device and slipping it back into your pocket. Instead, he takes your hands in his and intertwines your fingers together as if you were praying.

“You want me to pray to you and you’ll just show up?” you ask incredulously, trying hard to ignore the way you could feel the blood rushing to your head at his warm touch against the backs of your hands.

He nods, “It’s how it used to be, back when you all believed in us. I’ll be off now. See you tomorrow.”

One second, he’s there and the next he’s not. Standing awkwardly in the middle of your living room, fingers interlocked, you could genuinely convince yourself that you had just had an extremely hyper realistic dream. Unfortunately, the lingering heat of his hold on you remains undeniable.

 ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡    

 Enjoying the tart taste spreading across your tongue from your homemade lemon tea, you set your glass down before admiring the semi-finished piece in front of you. You had set the wedding dress onto a mannequin in your studio after completing the final details to better observe the overall look. You need to pull in the waist a bit more and fix the neckline, so you step forward to remove the dress and get to work again.

“It looks nice.”

The sudden words cause you to almost trip over your own feet and you have no choice but to grab your mannequin for balance. Cupid chuckles from behind you, and you glance at him wide-eyed long enough to catch what look like wings folding behind his back before they disappear.

“Hello,” you squeak, surprised at his random entrance after leaving you alone for two days.

“You’re quite talented for someone who designs and makes the pieces herself,” he muses, stepping closer to you to catch the fabric of the lace sleeve in his fingertips.

“It’s nothing really. I’m just a decent option for someone looking for something original and unique, I suppose.”

He tilts your chin up to look at him and the motion sends an entire series of shockwaves through your system. No one had been this close to you in a long time, so maybe you were just reacting because of the unfamiliarity. 

Yeah, that’s probably what it was.

Cupid hesitates, as if he had lost his train of thought, before quickly recovering, “Give yourself more credit, love.”

Pulling away from you, he leans back against your workbench with his hands in the pocket of his hoodie. Shaking the bangs away from his eyes, he says, “Do you feel any different?”

“No. I had half the mind that I just dreamt the whole thing,” you reply, finally letting go of the mannequin and stepping towards your desk to find some thread and a sewing needle.

He hums in thought, watching your movements as he says, “I haven’t had much luck either. I went to Vulcan, asked him if he could look at my arrows. He said they were in good working order but replaced a few of them anyways at my request.”

“Vulcan? Is that Hephaestus’s Roman name?”

“Yes, I wonder why Greek names are more familiar to you. Perhaps schooling is different nowadays,” he comments, watching as you take a seat across from him and begin making your adjustments.

“If it’s any consolation, they do look shinier than before,” you tease, pointing at the quiver appearing on his back.

He gives you an amused chuckle, pulling out one of the arrows to examine it from its point to the sleek feathers at its very end. When it finally disappears from his hands to return to its home on his back, he quips, “Are you sure you’re not a demigod?”

The question catches you off guard for sure, but you decide to play his game anyways, and think back to your parents. Did they ever do anything that seemed…otherworldly? Did they seem like the type of people to run off and have a tryst with some Olympian god or goddess?

Haha, definitely not.

You shake your head, giggling at the possibility since you knew your parents very well. He takes your answer with a nod and continues looking out towards the large window at the scene outside. The sky is a pale blue today with fluffy white clouds gliding by with ease. You were almost done with this order, and you planned to ship it to your customer this weekend. Maybe you’d enjoy a picnic outside to celebrate afterwards.

“Do you…have another name that you use? Calling you Cupid just seems weird. I still can’t get the name to disassociate from the image of a chubby winged baby in my head.”

He takes your question seriously, a trait you notice by the way he’s seemingly lost in thought. You wait patiently though, continuing to work on your methodical stiches as he ponders.

“Yoongi,” he finally says, appearing satisfied.

“Yoongi? That’s an interesting choice,” you reply, feeling the way this new name rolled off your tongue.

“It was the name of a mortal I knew. I quite like it.”

You accept his choice, finishing your alteration on the neckline and deciding to call it a day. You’ll spend the next few days attaching the sequins, which was bound to be an exhausting task. Just as you’re about to set the dress back on your trusty mannequin, the sound of glass breaking causes you to scream.

A creature seemingly out of your worst nightmares crawls through the windowpane, flames of fire spilling from its mouth. You can’t help but cling onto the back of Yoongi’s sweatshirt once he backs up against you in a defensive stance. The monster looks like a lion from the front, but you notice what appears to be a snake lazily dancing back and forth from where its tail ought to be. Oh, and was that the head of a goat sticking out from its back?

You never thought about how you would die, but this sure wasn’t at the top of your list.

“Fuck, why is this here?” Yoongi growls, and the deep sound that resonates from his chest makes you tighten your fingers on him.

“What is it?” you ask, but the way your voice is compressed in fear barely lets the words escape from your lips. It seems to ignore Cupid altogether, the blazing coals it calls eyes refusing to look away from your fearful expression.

He ignores your question, instead sweeping you off your feet and uttering, “Hold on tight” before skirting around the edge of the room with the creature hot on his heels. You don’t need to be told twice, immediately ducking your head into his shoulder, trying your best to ignore the way the beast sounded dangerously close. When you finally dare to open your eyes, Yoongi has ducked through the gaping hole where your window once was with his hand on the back of your head. He looks down at you briefly before jumping off the ledge.

Your scream sticks in your throat, as you feel the pit of your stomach fall alongside your body. A second later however, the two of you are gliding upwards as if flying. The buildings are a blur with how fast you are going, so you opt to just close your eyes and keep a locked grip on your savior. Even though you had no clue where you were being taken, you sure as hell weren’t about to return to your apartment even if it hadn’t turned into a pile of ashes by now.

When Yoongi finally stops, it feels like an eternity has passed, and your head is so dizzy that you’re forced to lean against a tree for support. As you try to keep the contents of your stomach from making an appearance, you make out the blurry form of your new friend pacing back and forth with his hair a mess. He is very clearly stressed, so you shift to grip the side of his pant leg when he paces closer to you.

“We’re fine now,” you mumble, tugging him closer. You hope he sits down so you could lean your head on his shoulder. It was starting to get chilly and you want to get ahold of whatever warmth was currently available.

Perhaps he can read your mind too because he kneels in the grass in front of you and fixes the locks of hair plastered to your clammy skin. He doesn’t seem the least bit grossed out, instead having what looks like worry in those odd eyes of his.

“I can’t believe you’re reassuring me when I’m pretty sure you would’ve died if I weren’t there.”

The words bring you back to reality as you shudder uncontrollably. You definitely would’ve died. That thing looked like it could rip you in two if it truly wanted to, and you weren’t exactly skilled in self-defense. Maybe you were too dumb to realize the danger of the current situation, but you were more concerned by the fact that Yoongi looked deathly afraid.

“Was that something from…your world?” you ask, grateful for the gentle grasp Yoongi had on your wrists. It comforted you knowing that you weren’t alone in this chaos.

“That was a chimera. Our worlds are essentially one and the same, but yes, creatures like that usually don’t just stop by for a house party,” he grunts, shifting so he can sit in front of you with his legs splayed to corner you against the tree.

You still have your legs pulled against your chest, so you lean your cheek against your knees as you regard him intently. He didn’t look anything like a god, and if you saw Yoongi walking on the street you probably wouldn’t have given him a second look. This whole ordeal balanced on the edge of surreal, but you were sure now that with whatever just happened, you were in danger. You wish the arrow worked on you earlier. You would’ve fell in love with some random person but at least you wouldn’t be fearing for your life. Maybe you wouldn’t have met the living embodiment of attraction, but you would’ve been back to normalcy. Isn’t that well worth it?

Struggling to understand why your heart hesitated at the possibility of never meeting Yoongi, you’re barely aware that he is pulling you to your feet until he has an arm wrapped around your waist to support your weak form.

“Can you stand?” he asks, and his fingers feel like they are burning against your side. Even through your sweater, you clearly feel each indent against your skin.

“Yeah, I’m good,” you give him your best attempt at a smile, following him as he walks you further into the forest. Thankfully, he eventually lets you go when he’s assured that you can walk without passing out. His proximity was doing crazy things to your senses, so you are grateful that he let you process your experiences without distraction.

He’s led you to an inconspicuous cave whose entrance is covered by a few hanging willow branches. He brushes these aside before letting you crawl in. The inside is surprisingly dry and you finally take a seat on a smooth, protruding boulder in the corner to stretch your legs out from the trek.

“It’s not a 5-star hotel, but it should do for now. You’ll be safe here until I find out what’s going in,” he says, and in the darkness you can barely make out his form in front of you.

Snapping his fingers, a fire appears in front of you. As you realize that this fire appears to be without a fuel source, you are once again forced to accept that your life is never going to be the same. Hesitantly reaching out to warm your shaking fingers against the heat, you watch as the light of the flickering flames dance across Yoongi’s face. He looks worried and concerned for you, so you can’t help but look away.

Your hands itch for your notebook, but you simply make a mental note to yourself instead: fire and shadows, a golden-eyed boy, warmth.

At this point, he takes off his hoodie and you can’t help the way your eyes immediately dart to the sliver of skin that shows at his waist when his t-shirt rises alongside his movements. When Yoongi finally emerges, a hand running through his locks, you hope that the heat you’re feeling is only from the fire.

He wraps the garment around your shoulders before tying the sleeves around your arms without a word. Taking one last look at you, he lets his touch linger for a second too long against your thigh before he stands to take his leave. This time, you keep your eyes trained on his as he begins to slowly dissipate. You tell yourself that you won’t blink because as long as you’re looking, he can’t leave. Your weary gaze finally betrays you, and when you open your eyes, he’s gone.

 ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡    

 Turns out you wouldn’t have to worry about food, because every couple of hours, you’d magically find some food appearing by the fire Yoongi had made for you. Your phone had long since died, so you weren’t even sure what day it was. Using the appearance of the regular meals to gage the passing of time, you hoped that Cupid would come back for you soon. Your customer’s order would be due soon anyways. At this, you couldn’t help but giggle when you realized how much your commitments meant to you-- even if you were on the verge of getting eaten by a lion hybrid.

It appears that Yoongi had been more observant that you gave him credit for. Every meal, he has only given you pad thai with the ingredients you ordered the night you met him. It was cute how he went with something he knew you liked, likely worried that he could choose something you were allergic to or disliked. He did alternate between cool lemon tea in the mornings and warm chamomile tea in the evenings, but you are sure you won’t be ordering thai food for a long time after you get out of here.

Just as you finish the last of your tea while pondering actually praying to him to get him to show up, Yoongi appears before you. Without a second thought, you scramble up to give him a hug. It seems that even for a god, he doesn’t expect this. Your tackle causes him to briefly lose his balance.

“Easy there,” he laughs, his deep voice mixing beautifully with his laughter as it echoes against his chest.

“Sorry,” you fumble, pulling away quickly and wondering if mortals were allowed to be hugging Roman Gods.

“Have you been alright?” he asks, ruffling your hair fondly with a smile.

You hum in agreement, relishing the way his fingers felt tugging against your locks, “Might need to take a break from pad thai for a while though.”

Chuckling, he extinguishes the fire with a wave of his hand before tugging you out of the cave. The sudden sunlight causes you cover your eyes, gripping his sleeve instead to guide you as you walk. Instead, he carries you in his arms once again before flying off to god-knows-where. At this point, you simply submit in his hold, as you trust him enough as the only person who knew better than you did at the moment.

You’re pleasantly surprised to find that he has brought you to your apartment, and even more pleased to find that your window has been returned to its original state. In fact, everything inside remains perfectly undisturbed.

“How’d we get in if the window is fixed?” you ask, pressing your fingertips against the glass to ensure that it was indeed repaired.

“I stopped by before the chimera appeared without having to bust your windows open, if you remember,” he teases, pulling the curtains aside to let in some light.

“Fair enough.”

You immediately head inside to ensure that the wedding dress was still in your office. You let a relieved sigh escape your lips when you notice it resting happily on your mannequin in the corner, looking as perfect as before.

“Y/N, we need to talk about something,” Yoongi says, pulling out a chair and straddling it as he watches you work with the bag of sequins you prepared earlier for this project.

“What’s up?” you ask, already getting back to work by sewing each individual sparkle into the layers of fabric.

“The chimera from earlier, it was sent by someone.”

His words cause your hand to falter, but you remind yourself that you have to make up for lost time, so you continue working furiously.

“Who have I angered?” you ask, trying to keep the concern out of your tone.

Cupid sighs, and when he finally replies, you’re forced to drop the dress entirely.

“Venus? So, she found out about me?” you bite your lip to stop it from trembling under this revelation.

He grips your hands in his own now that yours are no longer busy with working. The emotions swirling in his gaze allows the weird feelings to return to your heart once again. When he makes a request of you, you can’t help but take notice of the way he’s practically begging.

“Y/N, please let me protect you. I can take you somewhere she’ll never find you. We can be together, and you’ll be safe for the rest of your life. I promise.”

Of course, the offer is tempting. You aren’t sure if it’s the confusing feelings you’re beginning to develop for him or if he’s working some sort of love magic on you, but you actually consider his proposition for a good second or two. But eventually, the dazzle of the pearl white dress on your workbench breaks you out of your reverie. Did you want to spend the rest of your life in hiding? Would you still be able to do what you loved? Would you still be able to see your family and friends?

“I can’t,” you reply, giving him a sad smile and a small squeeze with your hands. You can’t accept the hurt on his face, so you go back to work so you can focus on the shiny beads on the waistline of the dress instead.

“I can’t let you die.”

His voice sounds so broken, so lost, so defeated that you almost didn’t recognize its owner. Brushing aside the wetness suddenly flowing across your cheeks as a result of his words and your own fear, you try your best not to let your tears fall onto your customer’s order.

“Y/N please. Look at me?” Yoongi begs, and when you risk a look at him, the tear clinging to edge of his waterline finally rolls down his cheek.

When you realize you’re kissing him, the first thought that manages to form is that his lips are so soft. It’s like you pressed your mouth against a carefree cloud, or some bright pink cotton candy based on the gentle sweetness that slowly begins spreading throughout your body. His cheeks are damp, and you can’t help but whisper “please, don’t cry” against his lips. His laugh mixes with a sob, as he tightens his grip on your waist.

You pull back, and for a second you forget that the man before you is an all-powerful god. As he sits in front of you, brushing your tears away with the pads of his thumbs, he is simply a soft-hearted boy crying over imagining a tomorrow without you. You wonder momentarily if it were possible for him to fall in love, because you were already beginning to feel the rush of falling.

“Am I crazy for liking you?” he chuckles, staring up at the ceiling as if the answer were written there, “I make others fall in love for the shits and giggles, and now I’m the butt of the joke.”

“How did I attract a god?” you muse, pinching his cheeks for your own personal enjoyment.

Yoongi falls back into his thoughts again, and you once again wait patiently for him to form his words. You were willing to wait, because you knew that when he finally spoke, it meant that he had truly considered each and every word he uttered.

“You’re witty. You love to crack jokes, especially when the situation turns awkward. It’s endearing, so much so that I just want to kiss the satisfied grin off your mouth. You’re hardworking and talented, placing the needs of others before your own. You commit yourself to your job, creating art as if it’s second nature. Even after your life gets hit with a whole shitstorm, you work on a wedding dress someone else ordered and tell me not to cry.”

A laugh escapes you as a desperate attempt to cover the fact that you’re certain you are as red as a cherry tomato and that you have the sudden urge to kiss Yoongi again.

The two of you decide to enjoy the simple happiness you feel with your newfound feelings for as long as you can without discussing Venus again. Once again, you find yourself working on the silky fabric of a bride-to-be’s wedding dress in your armchair in the living room. Except this time, Cupid has his arms wrapped around you as you sit in his lap. The two of you watch the sunset together after you decide to take a break, and he massages your wrists for you.

“I don’t want to hide, Yoongi.”

He makes a small noise acknowledging your words, seemingly more invested in nuzzling the exposed skin at the crook of your neck. You pinch his thigh to get his attention before continuing, “I can’t live like that. I’d rather die doing what I loved and enjoying every moment than being locked away somewhere—even if I were with you. Does that make sense?”

“Of course, my stubborn Y/N. I’ll do my best to keep you safe from her nevertheless.”

Raising an eyebrow, you shift in your seat so you can finally look at your brown-haired boy with surprise. You almost regret this decision, because the amount of adoration pouring from the personification of affection himself is almost too much for your mortal self to handle.

“I’m your Y/N now?”

He chuckles, smoothing out your furrowed brow with the tips of his fingers, each stroke leaving a lingering trail of warmth against your skin.

“Are you forgetting the vow I just gave you? A god just promised to protect you, mortal. Have some decorum.”

You frown, feeling too foolishly emboldened to be stopped now.

“Yeah well the witty, hardworking, and talented mortal just asked you a question,” you say smartly, playing with the strands of hair at the edge of his ear.

The golden stars in Yoongi’s eyes seem to shine brighter than before as he says, “For as long as you’ll have me. I’ll love you.”

♡ 

#bangtanarmynet #bts #bts suga #bts min yoongi #bts yoongi #min yoongi #fanfic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts imagines #bts reactions #bts x reader #bts x y/n #bts x you #yoongi x reader #yoongi x y/n #yoongi x you #bts one shot #bts scenarios #yoongi fluff #s2l #yoongi ff #yoongi au

[ts-unpopular-opinions]

Side Track Opinions part 5: Roman

(I’ve been saving Roman for a while now and I am PUMPED! So here’s a late birthday present to our royal lad ❤️ It’s also super nice to save the creativitwins for last because both of their playlists reference each other quite a bit 👌)

1) A Gay Disney Prince: I mean... are any of us surprised? This song is basically Roman’s anthem, so it was bound to be on his playlist. I do find it interesting that both Roman and Remus are the only sides with songs made by Thomas on their playlists. I guess it goes to show that having a big ego runs in the creative family 😂

2) Wonderboy: Only two songs in and we already have a song about Remus, or “young Nastyman, archrival and nemesis of Wonderboy” in this case. You’ll start to get the idea from Roman’s playlist that he really misses being with his bro. This song portrays Roman as almost a perfect and untouchable force. He is seperated from all of his nasty thoughts and is the perfect embodiment of what Thomas sees creativity as (“High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds, There sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly. Not much to say when you're high above the mucky-muck.”). I like to imagine that the singer of the song is Thomas, looking to Roman for comfort. Creativity most likely split as a way for Thomas to, not very healthily, cope with his intrusive thoughts (“Wonderboy, what is the secret of your power? Wonderboy, won't you take me far away from the mucky-muck man?”). It’s also interesting to note that at the end of the song, Roman and Remus seemingly join forces very successfully (“Well, Wonderboy and Young Nastyman joined forces; they formed a band the likes of which have never been seen”). Perhaps this is hinting at either Romans want to have his bother back, or possibly foreshadowing to their relationship dynamic in the future. I know I’d love to see Roman and Remus team up together in future episodes, maybe even against Patton and Janus in the next episode?

3) Disney Princess: This song is all about Roman dreaming about being in the lives of different disney princesses. Honestly it’s not super deep, but it does show just how much Roman loves to fantasize about escaping reality and living in his ideal dream world. He wishes his life were more interesting and exciting like what you would see in a movie. Also, Roman is SO desperate for someone to love him... poor guy (“I'd be a handsome man's wife And we'd kiss and we'd kiss And we'd kiss”).

4) Broadway, Here I Come!: (tw suicide) So this song is... interesting. It can be interpreted in two different ways: one being a song about how making it on broadway is a huge leap and very difficult, and another about a person literally jumping off of a building and commiting suicide. I always think of Logic vs Passion during this song because while Roman believes he is acchieving his dreams and is willing to take risks, Logan just believes he’s setting himself up for failure. I think Logan’s view on Thomas’ life and career choice is very hard on Roman and, by the topic of the song, affects him greatly (“The people all are pointing. I bet they'd never guess, That the saint that they're anointing Is frightened of the mess”). He doesn’t know if Thomas will succeed and that makes him doubt himself and causes his work to suffer (“The pressure it increases, The closer that I get” “And the last thing I hear. As the impact grows near, Is it a scream or a cheer?”).

5) Hallelujah: This song, like the one before it, shows a lot of Roman’s insecurities. Roman has a set plan for Thomas in life, but he constantly doubts it and himself due to the comments he gets from other sides (“Somedays I don't think my mama Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar” “Somedays I don't think my daddy Thinks I'm good enough to be a superstar”). I don’t know specifically which sides he could be talking about in these two lines, but Logan is definately one of them. I like to think he could also be talking about Patton. I mean Roman probably worries constantly about being too much like Remus and disappointing Patton. Roman probably literally thinks that Patton doesnt think hes GOOD enough. Despite all of this self doubt, Roman still seems determined to reach his dreams and prove the others wrong (“But one day I will show him I'm a diamond in the rough, I'll be a superstar” “Yeah, there's a crown covered in glitter and gold I'm gonna wear it, whether you like it or not”).

6) Holding Out for a Hero: This song is from Thomas’ perspective! Thomas DOES see Roman as his hero despite what Janus’ not at the end of the most recent episode may have you believe. Roman acts as Thomas’ protection from all of his darker and more disturbing thoughts. Thomas uses Roman, a picture perfect image of creativity to help him escape from all the bad things in life and in his head (“Where have all the good men gone And where are all the gods? Where's the streetwise Hercules to fight the rising odds? Isn't there a white knight upon a fiery steed? Late at night I toss and I turn And I dream of what I need”). Thomas literally created Roman to be a perfect knight in shining armor. The singer in the song shows this by listing off everything that they believe a hero needs to be/have, Similar to what Thomas would have done in the creation of Roman.

7) If I Dare: I’m conflicted about what this song could mean. At first glance it seems to be about Roman willing to do anything in order to get more creative control over Thomas (“If I dare to risk it, then I know that I'm willing to. If I dare to want this, to want more than I have” “I am holding out for more than what I have now”). Roman really wants to be trusted more and would seemingly take huge risks in order to get that. The part that throws me off is this line: “When the room gets dark, and I am quiet. There's a voice that's soft, like someone's silhouette Saying, "Don't let me go yet"”. To me, this sounds like its about Remus. Possibly Remus begging Roman to not get rid of him and to remain as one. What confuses me is that the line felt so out of place with the rest of the songs meaning. I’m not sure what to do with that information, but if anyone has ideas, let me know.

8) Go the Distance: Roman is so patient... and so unrealistically hopeful... He continues to lay down and let the other sides get their ways because he believes that the wait will be worth it when he finally gets his say (“I'll be there someday, I can go the distance” “I know every mile would be worth my while” “And a thousand years would be worth the wait. It might take a lifetime but somehow I'll see it through”). Despite how many times hes been ignored and let down, he continues to hope that his chance may come one day. Theres also this line: “But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part. For a hero's strength is measured by his heart, oh” which makes me think big time of SvS. He gave up his glory in favor of what Patton wanted because he thinks that it was the more heroic thing to do.

9) Flamboyant: The title really says it all. Roman is extra™️ and he knows that all of the other sides think so too (“I'm a very flaming flammable guy. Some say my fire burns way too high. Some say they find me too hot to touch. But I, I think it's not enough”). I also think its important to note that this song feels a bit out if place with the canon Roman that we know. From what we’ve seen of Roman, he holds back a lot. He denies a great deal of his greed and wants in order to make the others happy and fill in his “hero” persona. This song portrays Roman as having no restraint and not wanting the others to boss him around (“Don't tell me what to do, Don't tell me what to say” “Turn down? I never do” “And no time for restraint”). I’d love to see more of this assertive side of Roman in canon, but right now you can tell that he is holding back. He wishes he didn’t have to, but he feels as though it is necessary to distance himself from Remus.

10) Jumpstarted: Let me set the scene. Thomas is just out an about enjoying his day, he holds open the starbucks door for the guy behind him and... omg... he’s hot... he’s the love of your life Thomas! Roman the proceeds to fanticize about marrying and starting a family with this one random guy that they’ve never talked to nor seen before (“The only one I want is you. I hear the bells and the ring and already, Four kids and the big ol' wedding Singing, You” “And how was I to make a long walk home. You got me feeling like I'm overdosed”). This whole song is just Roman singing about his head-over heals love for a guy in Thomas’ head while Thomas has to act normal and even warns the dude to run away while he has the chance (“Take my advice and run while you still can”). Roman’s quite a hopeless romantic.

11) Brave New Girl: Remember how I said Roman has been holding back and trying to be more polite in order to make himself less like Remus? Well this song is the opposite of that. This is what Roman wants. Roman wants to let lose and be his wildest self again (“She wants a good time” “She needs to really really find what she wants” “There's a brave new girl And she's comin' out tonight” “Who knew she could feel so alive” “Won't take a back seat”). I like to imagine this song taking place after the events of POF. I mean if the others are just going to accept that Janus is good now, then does that mean Remus is good too? If that the case, then what was the point of him and Remus splitting in the first place? This song makes me think that Roman and Remus could team up together in either the next episode, or future episodes to come. Roman is lost and doesn’t really know why he is who he is anymore, so he seeks out Remus, the only one who really understands what he’s going through (“So she met this man, He was kinda rough. He said, girl, what you lookin' for? She said, I don't know I go with the flow. He said, let's get on the floor”). The man in this song could also be Janus I suppose. He does compliment the singer and flatter her, but after the events of the last episode, I find it hard to believe that Roman would be willing to fall for Janus’ flattery again.

12) Every Boy: Roman wants to kiss every boy in the world... and it’s never enough. That is all.

13) Primadonna: What a bop! This song is honestly so good! Again with Roman’s songs making him out to be a lot greedier and wild than he actually has acted in canon (“You can count on me to misbehave”). This song is what I imagine Roman would act like if he had nothing to worry about other than being himself. Roman wants a lot of things and he wants everyone to adore him for the beautiful prince he is (“All I ever wanted was the world” “I can't help that I need it all” “When you give, I want more, more, more” “I wanna be adored” “I know I've got a big ego”).

14) King: You can already tell by the name what this song is about. I’m honestly shocked how obvious it is. At this point we don’t know who made the decision for creativity to split, but this song and a couple of others in the playlist seem to suggest that it was the Roman part of original creativity who decided to push Remus out. He felt as though it was the only way to successfully move forward (“I had to break myself to carry on”). The others sides (I’d like to imagine Patton) tried to convince Creativity to split and despite his not wanting to. His decision to split seemed like it was a very hard one to make and left a lot of pain in its wake (“They say it's easy to leave you behind. I don't want to try” “Is it worth the price?”). Original creativity felt powerful and strong when he was whole, so of course he didn’t want to split (“I was a king under your control”). The song seems to suggest that he tried to repress his ‘Remus’ thoughts in order to remain whole and not lose a part of himself, but this could only work for so long (“Don't wanna have to lose All that I've compromised to feel another high. I've got to keep it down tonight”). In the end, the Roman side of creativity finally won out and both Roman and Remus decided to let each other go (“I wanna feel like you've let me go, So let me go”).

15) Cheap Queen: This song really shows Roman’s struggle with his identity. He’s so quick to change for others in order to be accepted by them (“I can be good sometimes. I'm a cheap queen. I can be a what you like. And I can be bad sometimes. I'm a real queen. I can make grown men cry” “I'm gettin' too cocky since everyone wants me, It's harder to be myself”). This convices me that the way that he’s been acting in the last few episodes (not insulting anyone, very opposed to Janus) is soley him trying to prove that he is good and nothing like Remus. He’s been hiding his true self which we see a lot of in episodes before Remus was introduced. Roman doesn’t want to disappoint Patton in fear of Patton wanting him to split again.

16) Humility: ANOTHER song about Remus. This song is really interesting. It shows us that Roman is VERY confused about his opinion on Remus. He’s lonely and feels incomplete without Remus, He NEEDS Remus back (“I need you in the picture That's why I'm calling you” “I'm the lonely twin, the left hand” “I don't want this isolation” “See the state I'm in now?”). Right after Roman has these thoughts and feelings though, he instantly tries to block them out and retrain the idea that Remus is bad (“Reset myself and get back on track”). He wants Remus back so badly and feels some sort of remorse for kicking him out, but then he ignores those emotions and acts like he hates Remus another moment (“If I pick it up when I know that it's broken Do I put it back? Or do I head out onto the lonesome trail And let you down?”).

17) Aint Got it Like That: Roman is greedy and wants a lot of things, we’ve established this. Most of this song is about how Roman wants more than what he has now, but he still believes it will come if he just waits long enough (“'Cause I ain't really got it like that And one day Imma have it like that And I know that it can't stay this way And one day Imma finally get paid”).

18) Dreamer: I’m not sure whose perspective this song is from, but this feels like a comfort song to Roman. We know that he has a lot of insecurities and struggles to create things because he worries that his ideas won’t be good enough or will be too much like Remus’ ideas. But this song goes completely against that mindset. It’s what Roman wants to hear: “Dream little dreamer, Don't care what they say” “You can do anything” “Dream like you won't fail. Sing like no one's there. Dance like you don't care. Dream.” “Don't fear little dreamer, You'll get there one day” “And I know that it's scary, But you'll succeed” “You're exeptional, You're original” “You're magnificent, You're sensational”.

19) Paving the Runway: This feels like a song from Roman to Thomas and gosh it just feels so loving and sweet... Roman has such big dreams for Thomas and he has so much faith in him (“Cause I know that one day you're gonna fly”). He encourages Thomas to go for his dreams and excel, something that he is hardly told himself (“Go after your dreams, Crazy as they may seem. Go chase all the stars in the sky” “You will reach higher than I ever could”). Roman does everythig he can to set Thomas up for success and to help him reach his dreams (“Darling, stand on my shoulders” “Baby, I'll be paving the runway”).

20) Go.: Again, I’m not sure who the singer of this song is, but I can tell its exactly what Roman wants/needs to hear. Roman is very clearly holding back due to his fear of becoming too much like Remus and that is making it very hard to do his job (“The fear within Has held you hostage. Break free and live. GO.”). This is a good song to be Roman’s last song because I think it helps to show us where Roman’s character is going in the future. He is going to let lose and relax eventually. Perhaps this will lead to him creating the better relationship with Remus that he’s been hoping for throughout this whole playlist. I predict that next episode, well start to see some of this newer, less refrained creativity from Roman.

(And that’s that! If you can tell that theres some tension between Roman and Remus from this playlist, just you wait for Remus’! As usual, let me know what you thought of this ❤️ Love you guys!)

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #ts sanders sides #ts roman #roman sanders #ts playlists #ts side tracks #side tracks #ts sidetracks #roman playlist #ts remus #remus sanders #creativitwins #long post

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #348

“nothing will be free  /  nothing will be done  /  black out the sun”

Do you have any famous relatives? My third or so cousin is the author of Not Without My Daughter, but she's not like a smash hit or anything that most people know. I really do recommend the book, though. It's a long read, but a beautiful, true story. Do you care about celebrity gossip? Nah. Have you ever failed a science course in high school? No; I was very good at science. What’s your favorite breakfast food? Cinnamon rolls. Does your house have a basement? No. No house I've ever lived in has had one. Do you like Hot Topic? Well duh. Do you think imagination is valuable? VERY! Just imagine how many incredible things wouldn't exist without it. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? Unspeakably happy, and I felt like I was building a future with someone. I felt like I had purpose, which I should mention to anyone reading is a mindset to NEVER adopt. No one gives you purpose; you're born with it. How much weight can you lift at once? Ha, not a lot. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want a black one with faux snow on the branches, then maybe red ornaments. Kinda look like blood dripping off. Sounds metal. Name three YouTube channels you’ve been loving lately. Lately, John Wolfe, The Dark Den, and Aim To Head Mix. Have you ever bought a designer purse? No. Do you wear jewelry often? No. What color was your senior prom dress? Black. Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Jason's older brother is colorblind to two colors, but idr which. Would you ever consider a career in writing? I'd love to. What was your first favorite color? Red. What do you think about horror movies? I love them. If you love them, what’s your favorite? I really enjoy The Crazies and both The Blair Witch Project movies. Oh, and of course Silent Hill. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I don't have the money to get anyone presents... and while I sometimes get ideas about something I could make someone, then it wouldn't be fair to the rest of my family if I don't make them something, too. What’s your favorite word and why? I really like the sound of "serendipity," as well as its meaning. It's just a pretty, nice word. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Not really... I think the coolest thing I made was when I put the clay heart I made in Art into a shadowbox, and a poem I wrote was in the background. It was a gift for Jason. I remember working really hard on the whole process and being really happy with it. I don't want to know what he's done with it since. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? I don't know. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? Everyone knows about Venus' terrarium by now... Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? No. Ever done drugs? No. Tell me one of your worst habits. Catastrophizing. I take a tiny seed of something potentially bad, and in seconds it's a damn redwood tree. And I do mean "in seconds." What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I don't know, I don't have any particularly unique ones, I think. If you game, what type of headset do you use? I just use earbuds. Do you think you would be a good therapist? You know, it's funny, I've actually pictured myself as one a few times, given my level of understanding and empathy for people, as well as how deeply I want to see others succeed and spread the word that recovery from things like depression is very possible. I've never truly entertained the thought, though, given I'm quite sure I legally couldn't be given my suicidal past and mental illnesses. There is also NO way I could listen to so many people's suffering and manage to stay healthy myself, so, no therapist position for me, thanks. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? Creamy, 100%. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Roman has an adorable navy one with a bowtie. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? Old friends, sure. What is something you want to begin learning? I want to improve my ability to perform what in therapy is called "opposite action," where you do the opposite of what your depression (or other conditions) make you want to do. It always helps me feel good, like when I draw even when I don't initially feel like it, but it's rough to really force yourself to do it. What is a food you find comforting when you are sad? Ice cream is my comfort food. What is a quote you find comfort in? There are really a lot, but none come to mind immediately, gah. What is one Tumblr blog you really appreciate? I actually haven't been on my main Tumblr in months, but oh my god there is a Markiplier blog called "lady-raziel" and she is FUCKING HYSTERICAL. The meme quality is A+. What is a comfort movie/show for you? When I actually liked watching movies, I enjoyed watching Silent Hill when I was down. That whole franchise just makes me so happy. What is a recent creative project that you are proud of? That I'm PROUD of, idk. I'm not that happy with the last drawing I made, and I haven't done any serious writing lately that I find noteworthy. What is a video game that you find comforting? Shadow of the Colossus is probably #1. I find it so relaxing while equally epic as fuck. The soundtrack is to die for, and after playing it a billion times, it's pretty easy for me to kinda breeze through and just enjoy myself. Do you know how to bake bread? If so, what is something you’ve baked recently? No. Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest? THE MOUNTAINS!!! Particularly in the woods IN the mountains! Are you closer to your mother’s or father’s side of the family? Mom's. I don't even remember anyone from Dad's. Have you ever been in a “perfect relationship”? I thought so. Have you ever lost a fingernail or toenail? No. Were you a Disney or Nickelodeon kid? I preferred Disney. Have you ever been inside a jail/prison? No, and I don't plan on it. Have you ever dated a guy with a beard, mustache, or goatee? Jason had a goatee usually. He'd go clean-shaven sometimes. Did you ever name your stuffed animals? I named every single one I got as a kid. Now I don't, really, unless they're really special. What’s the name of the person who cuts your hair? I'd rather not share, given her name is very unique. Do you like cheeseburgers? Yes, they're one of my favorite foods. Do you have a Flickr? Yes, but I don't use it anymore. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Do you drink milk? Yeah, I love milk. Where was your FB display pic taken? My room. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yeah; white rice. My dumb ass didn't realize it had JUST come off the stove. My tongue hurt literally for weeks. Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? No. Do you own any CLOTHES from Victoria’s Secret? Er, are undergarments not clothes? But I know what you mean. No. What are your grandfathers’ names? William and... I can't remember Dad's dad's name. Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Well yeah. Are you against seances? I don't know if I believe in them being effective, but either way, they seem like a bad idea. Even risking luring a negative energy/spirit to you is something I'd stay away from. Do you own any superhero shirts? No, just Harley Quinn ones, some with the Joker on them, too. I need to toss 'em though because I am like, violently against romanticizing their abusive relationship. I used to just like them as a story character couple, but I got to a place where it just seemed... wrong to "glorify" it by wearing merch and stuff. What band has the best guitar solos? Metallica, durrrr. Who is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met? Can you believe that would be my former best friend? Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I've never had an animal in my path. Have you ever grown your own herbs? No. Do you like kissing in public? If you're my serious s/o, I could care less, so long as it's a simple peck. I'm not making out in front of people. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don't know. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I don't know. I'm lonely and love feels amazing, but I need to get my life on track before I can be a good partner to someone and not just dead weight. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Huh, funny, he's the one that walked away. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Uhhh that would depend on how serious we are, where we are, and just what mood I'm in. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? ugh What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? also ugh What’s your dirtiest secret? TMI AHEAD. Probably receiving oral while bare-ass naked on the chaise in the living room while we were home alone. Or having sex in my sister’s bed. Oops. Would you ever get lyrics tattooed on yourself? Yeah. I already do, anyway, and I plan on getting another. Can you photoshop images well? I'm decent at it. Where did you last drive to? Mom and I went to go get our Covid vaccines today. What’s the first verse of the last song you listened to? "I don't know what we're supposed to be, but I know we lost it along the way to something better, something so much more than pleasure that we seek, so blind inside to fill these holes left by these lies that we tell to ourselves as we manufacture our own hell." What do you hear right now? The aforementioned song: "BLACKOUT" by 3TEETH. What was the last thing you laughed about? This is so fucking immature lmao but when we were driving earlier, we passed a gas station that had a sign that was advertising Coke, but due to space limitations, it abbreviated to "2 liter Cok" and I cackled like a child. Mom laughed harder than I did. Do you know any gay people personally? Ye. What was the last thing that startled you? I think it was a car hoonking at somebody the other day. What was the last thing to make you even remotely sad? Today's been a kind of rough PTSD day thanks to Facebook. My old high school friend had her beautiful daughter, a childhood friend just got married the other day, another friend is due to have her baby in just a couple weeks... It's just weird but even more painful to know it was the life I once fantasized about with a guy that just dropped me and made a break for it. I hate admitting that there's this deep, deep bitterness in me about it, like he took my life away from me, even though that's of course very unfair to say. I don't want to talk about this anymore, so moving on with my day.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''blackout'' by 3teeth

[tcheschirewrites]

Hey, are you participating in NaNoWriMo? Have you ever? And what was your experience like? I'm considering it but I feel so intimidated because I know I won't be able to commit to it wholeheartedly. Lowering my expectations and pacing myself would seem like the perfect solution but work kills my creative brain cells by the seconds. I wouldn't be surprised if by the end of November I've only written half of page of alien language. Any advice? Also does Nano have to be a new project?

Oh man, Nano. I’m well familiar with Nano, and I’ve participated a few times (to varying degrees of success). This got very long, so I’m putting a cut.

The first time I attempted Nano was in 2006 for my novel Seerking. I had heard about it from a friend who was in an LJRP I was in, and she encouraged me to try it. I was still in high school at the time, and very frankly I did not have the dedication necessary to complete it. I got a lot of worldbuilding complete, but very little writing. I got about two pages of prose, and three notebooks of character and setting history, as well as a fairly detailed outline. I still have all of this.

The second time I attempted was in 2009, for a story that is based heavily on the Iron&Wine song ‘Boy With a Coin’. I got a little bit further, but I got stuck in a few places. I think it’s because my idea was bigger than my life experience, and I also got stuck in a lot of small details. Additionally, my first Word document (where I got about two chapters in?) was destroyed when my laptop’s hard drive just straight gave up on life - I did buck up and rewrite quite a bit, though it didn’t sing quite the same notes, and I have this handwritten copy still. (It’s possible I tried again with this same project the year after? I don’t remember tbvh)

My third attempt was in 2011, about a goverment operative and a faun. This one I got the furthest, and I still have the original handwritten draft and the typed copy. I pantsed this one, 100%. To this day, I still don’t know how this story ends, but I’d love to attempt a rewrite someday.

Then, unfortunately, from around 2012 until Fall of last year, I stopped writing period. I was in a real bad situation, and just didn’t have the energy for anything, let alone a novel. My most recent experience with Nano as an organization was Camp Nano, which is a much looser structure, and it is in May and July. Rather than the hard and fast 50k, you set your own goal when you announce your project.

I can understand your hesitance to participate, honestly. Nano is a beast of a project – to reach the minimum goal of 50k in the 30 allotted days, you have to produce 1667 words of new content every single day. This is approximately 3 pages, maybe a little more – which is a lot when you’re already stressed! And if you miss a day you have to adjust your daily totals for every following day, and the pressure starts to mount! It’s a lot, even if it is only meant to be a neat little challenge (mostly, I’ll cover benefits a bit later).

Now, my recommendations are going to follow two paths: planning, and pantsing. If you are naturally a planner – that is, you like having rough outlines, refined outlines, you like having character data, history, etc – then I recommend you have as much of your novel planned ahead of time before November 1st hits. Whatever notes or files you need to have set aside before you begin writing those first words, have them ready – read over them, refine them, and have them memorized front to back so that you know what your story is meant to be. If you are a natural planner, and you have not done this by today’s date (it’s 30 October where I am), then I do not recommend participating this year because it will stress you the fuck out and you might even make yourself sick.

The other popular option is called pantsing – essentially, you have a rough idea, and you’re flying by the seat of your pants. (This is literally what it is called on the Nano website, by the by – there are badges for it and everything.) If you are a pantser, then I still recommend a little preparation, but of a wildly different degree and type: find your story’s ambiance. If you are a pantser, think about what sparked the idea for your story? Try to put yourself back in the place (emotionally or physically) where you had the most intense version of the idea, and hang onto that feeling with both hands. This is incredibly important, because it will allow you to harken back to that feeling without chasing the high of first being hit by that feeling. If you are a pantser, focus heavily on the feelings you want to evoke with your story, and let your heart guide you.

Now the third option (I know what I said, I lied all right) is if you are a combination planner-pantser; you don’t want to have the rigidity of the outline, but you also like having a little bit of structure, or at least a direction to go in. If you are a combination planner-pantser, I recommend doing very soft preparation for yourself in the week leading up to Nano. So things like building yourself a playlist, maybe doodle what your main looks like in your head, or small details like character names and short dossiers. If you’re able, I recommend coming up with an ending, so you know what the end-goal looks like and you are able to track your story’s completion in your head.

For all three, I would recommend deciding ahead of time how you want to write your novel – are you going to type it up in a word processor (please make so many backups, do not live the heartache that I had to)? Are you going old school and hand writing it? Are you feeling like a boss that day and maybe want to dictate it into an app on your phone? Pick one, and make a dedicated space for your novel. You can mix them up, certainly, but make sure that you are able to consolidate effectively or you’re going to stress yourself out.

Now, you asked whether or not it has to be a “new” project. There are actually a few answers to this, depending on what you mean. Now, if we are to assume that “new” strictly means a brand new, fresh idea that you have just come up with specifically for National Novel Writer’s Month 2020, then the answer is no; it does not. Back in the day, there were a few purists that insisted you had to have a designated project every year, but like most purists, they’re just being assholes about it.

As a matter of fact, it does not even have to be a brand new project that you have not written any words for at all – however, if you do have an idea that you have already written for, you are not permitted to use any of your previous word count toward your goal. This is definitely a no-no. Personally, I’ve tried this, and I found it rough – I liked having the designated project, and I liked the buildup to it.

If you have, though, an idea that you’ve worked over and you are simply ready to start putting words on a page, this, I think, is Nano’s sweet spot.

Now, I know most of this 1000+ answer has been cautioning and reminders that Nano is tough – because, well, it is. It is a huge undertaking, and I feel like every participant has their horror stories to tell about their experience. But I want to reassure you that it isn’t 100% a hard slog to a dreary end; there are so many tools that Nano themselves provide you, as well as user-run communities and workshops, and even some benefits after the fact. These are the things I want to wrap this post up with.

Firstly, no matter how tired or stressed you are, if you register for nanowrimo.org, you’ll begin receiving daily emails from published authors and past participants. These range from silly and tedious, to incredibly comforting. My favorite one, which I cannot remember a lot of specifics from, was from a man who detailed his experience and reassured everyone that the work doesn’t have to be good – it just has to be 50k words. That’s it. You can have typos and errors all over the place, plot holes of all shapes and sizes, and a main character who doesn’t make any sense at all; it doesn’t matter, because the point of the event is simply to finish. Neil Gaiman has also said a time or two that your first draft’s only purpose is to exist. Just get the words out; you can fix them later.

Additionally, when you are completing your profile, you can enter in your location and there are designated forums for participants in your area. In the past, there have been meetups for group-writes and workshops as well, though I imagine they will be more along the lines of Discord calls this year. If you are a social person who needs a pair of eyes to help you work through a scene, Nano’s got your back. They will also send you statistics for your area for the average word count, daily word count, past winners, etcetera. It can sometimes feel like you are very alone during this difficult project, but a lot of these things bring a very human element to the event.

Finally, what comes after you have completed. A lot of these benefits are newer than my time, but I browsed through them when I did my Camp Project. When you complete the goal in the allotted time, you get a neat little badge for your webpage and a printable certificate for the immediate boost of dopamine. But you will also get discounts to some neat shit, like different word processing applications (I got 50% off of Scrivener when I finished Camp), as well as things like The Great Courses, discounts in the swag store, etc. But more than that, there are partnering websites who want to help you on the road to being published. Wattpad is in this group, but I believe also big name publishers (I might have seen Penguin on there at one point) are willing to work with winners to get their works distributed.

All that said, I recommend every writer attempt Nano at least once in their writing career. Even if I personally have not done so stellar in the past, it is a fantastic learning experience for all of the work that goes into producing a novel from start to finish – it forces you to know your limits, and sometimes to overcome them. I don’t think I will be participating this year – I have so many side projects that I want to get done, but I will very likely drop everything to do it next year. I have two novels that are real roughly built up that I could do for this, though, and I would love the dedicated time to spend on them.

#asked and answered jim #red-write-district #writeblr #writing advice #nanowrimo #i'm actually really fond of every nano project i've ever done #even if i didn't finish any of them #i still go back and read them sometimes #and i still have a lot of like plot details in my head for them

[comradelionheart]

This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress. 

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer. 

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres. 

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her. 

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

[letartisticvisionsarise]

Mental Abuse

Experiencing Mental Abuse

Why and Some Ways to Help

Before I begin, I would like to get across that I am grateful for everything I have, a roof over my head, food and my mother and the memories given. I have never been physically abused but that does not mean that emotional or verbal abuse is any less. Any type of abuse is not to be condoned and anyone suffering from it must know firstly that they are valid and loved.

The Beginning

I always told myself that the only way I'd ever write about myself, it would be a fantasy book. I never imagined that it would be just something I start on a whim of negative emotions. But I have to find a way to tell my story before its too late and no one can hear me. Because I know there has to be, at least, one person that can relate to this story. I’m here to rant my emotions and let someone know, that they are not alone. That the years of pain and tears are not unheard.

Where I live its supposed to be a homey place and it’s known for it’s diversity and acceptance. But from a young age, my mother and I weren’t accepted. In the household where we live, surrounded by supposed ‘family’, we’ve been shunned and cursed at, hated and pushed away from. We are, essentially, the black sheep.

What we go through…

I’m not the most social person, because of these people. They are supposed to be people I can trust and lean on, but instead, on a daily basis, we have to tip toe around them. Because my mother did her best raising me, bless her soul, I’m little different from them. I know right from wrong, I wouldn’t say I’m better than them, I’m just more “literacy” inclined and I try not to take shit from people.

To continue, for years I have suffered under these people’s words and actions. I am not perfect, but that does not mean I do not take responsibility for my actions. Any child has made mistakes but eventually, we all grow out of those bad habits and I am fortunate to have the guidance to grow out of them. These days, at almost an adult, I am blamed for taking something worth five dollars and threatened to be kicked out. If my mother and I try to provide facts and deny these accusations, (because why would we steal something), we are always told the same thing- 'Get out the House, get out my house!'

The people I live with, I do not even consider to be family anymore. Family is supposed to give you advice and help you when you’re down, not kick you. Family is supposed to trust your judgment and see that you have changed. Family is supposed to give you a chance. Family is supposed to give you hope and tell you to pursue your writing career, not laugh and make fun of it or saying that I think I’m better than them. My real family, I have made up from people that understand and accept me, because, if there is one thing I’ve learned from Supernatural, is that 'family doesn’t end in blood’.

I would like to think I have incredible patience but once I saw my mother cry, that’s where the patience ends. My mother is the strongest and most incredible woman in my life. Without her, I don’t where I’d be in life. She has sacrificed and has continued to for me but has to fight every week to simply survive in this household.  But, I at least wanted others to know. I’m not looking for pity or anything, I’m just getting it out there that  I understand what those who go through the same daily emotional and mental struggle. I am with you and wish I could tell you it gets better, but I don’t even know anymore. Most of these days I just sit and ask the same question.

Why us?

Why do people deserve this? What have we done to even be singled out and hated. To be the odd bods. Are we bad people? What did we do? Why is God just not doing anything to help? Why are they laughing while we get threatened to leave? Why are watched every second of the day, anything we eat, anything we do, is measured constantly. Why is our life so bad? Why aren't we good enough? Is it because we don't want to be like you? Because we just want a better life for ourselves than living at rock bottom with you? Why is that so bad? To want a better life? A happier life? Is it wrong to work for that, to wish for that?

The Big Why?

When I was fifteen, I was hit with something big. Not only did I find my passion, but I also answered that question.

Creative careers, here are rare and in between, plus are believed to be a 'waste of time' or 'not a good future job’. Many of my peers were either too afraid to try art or poetry and writing, or, they simply weren’t allowed to. Many of us grew up in very unsupported and mentally abusive homes, or homes that weren’t financially able to support.

The answer to Why, goes in two ways;

They are Depressed or suffering from sort of Mental Illness.

Don’t attack me, hear me out first.

Depression or any Mental illness is not an excuse for a person’s destructive behavior, especially if they are hurting others. But, it could possibly be part of the reason to why. Please understand that where we come from there are strict religious upbringings, so whenever Mental Health is brought up, it’s considered ‘taboo’, so to speak. Many families never receive the right help and tend to blame themselves or others for their problems. Therefore resorting to alcohol or abuse, whether it be mental, physical or emotional, to others or themselves.

*note, this is speaking from my experiences.

Their Upbringing Plays a Huge Part

Whether they come from a religious, strict, negative or even abusive family, that shows in their future. It doesn’t determine that they will become terrible people. They can, in fact, become strong and good members of society. Then there’s others that take their negative experiences and force it on to their families or children. If they are from religious backgrounds, they tend to ignore signs of mental illness or worse, try to ‘force it out' by religious means. If they’d have a negative background as well, this may be portrayed with their bad habits, such as smoking or drinking excessively. This is because of what they saw and experienced when younger and all that they know or chose to know.

*again, this is from personal experience and growth

Now…

Mental Health is so important and is a definitive part of Self Care. People should know that no matter your background, your race, gender, sexuality, religious beliefs and values, your mental health is not to be put aside. If you have to take a day off from work, that is more important than breaking down weekly and wondering what you did wrong.

Some things that I do to take care of myself;

-Write down my thoughts,

-Listen to Music, Podcasts or AudioBooks,

-Watch YouTube,

-Do Yoga in the Morning and before Bed.

So, I have made it my destiny to make sure that others, know that they are not alone and to help them by encouraging to pursue that goal. My sisters know firsthand what it’s like to have no support or motivation from family, including myself. I have witnessed and been the victim of these stresses, knowing that it can place permanent trauma on someone’s self-esteem or future life. I would never wish that on another person and will use my experiences to make sure that, at least someone, knows that they 'can do it’!

Now, I’ve used those method above, to keep sane in my circumstances and I can’t say the same for others. Please, if you are in a situation where you cannot leave, please, find a support system to keep you going. Or message me on Instagram and I’ll add you to a group where we can keep updated and help each other out. If you situation is dire, contact immediate help from authorities or a professional, be it a psychiatrist or councilor. You deserve to be heard and you deserve to be happy and free. I hope this reaches at least one person, someday. Thank you, Jazie.

#mental health #mental health awareness #mental health aware #blog #new blog #new writing blog #freelance writing #freelance write #self care #selfcare blog #selfcare

[wethepixies]

Welcome to the third and final part of our staff interview series! This set of interviews focus on some of our most social staff members - our Discord moderators and our social media team. Once again, these pixies had a lot to say, so we’re tucking all of it under the “Keep reading” link!

WTP’s Discord server is the main place for the community to come together - in fact, we just passed 6,000 members! It’s extremely important to keep the server as safe and friendly as possible, and that’s where our beloved moderators come through. Without them, we wouldn’t have the loving WTP community!

Our moderators are Lila Almondpetal, Gloria Flutterflower, Daphne Moonflower, Anastasia Foxheart, Rose Morningmist, and Kassie.

What are some of your favorite memories about the original Pixie Hollow? And what are some things that you’re excited to see again in WTP?

Daphne: If I had to choose only one favorite thing then it would be shopping in Pixie Hollow especially those GORGEOUS gowns from the Queen's Boutique. It was the luxury store of Pixie Hollow, and the gowns they had were on a whole different level. I used to play Pixie Hollow every day as a kid and I even convinced my dad to get me the annual membership. I was able to make a lot of friends from different parts of the world because of the game. My best memories of the game are of Camp Pixie Dust! As for what I’m excited to see in WTP, I am exhilarated about the Tearoom and Animal Derby coming back since those were the only places you could play with other players. They were always packed with other fairies and sparrowmen and I used to hang out in those two places the most.

In her interview, Daphne sent us some pictures of two of her favorite things in Pixie Hollow - a couple of screenshots of Camp Pixie Dust and her favorite gown from the Queen’s Boutique.

Anastasia: Honestly? As a kid, I spent most of my time attending the parties. The minigames there were always so addicting! Gameplay wise, I loved baking and tailoring! I wasn't as invested in it as other Disney MMOs because I never was able to get a Pixie Hollow Membership, but I still loved to play it! It influenced my decision to play the DS games, as well as the Fashion Boutique mobile game! I will say that my love of the original Pixie Hollow has benefited my life in many ways as without it, I wouldn't have so many memories with friends I've made along the way. Also, I would've never found WTP! I think one of my best memories from Pixie Hollow has to be from the one party where I won almost all of the party games. I was pretty young when I was really into Pixie Hollow, so although it's a bit silly, I just remember feeling super proud and feeling like the queen of the party, haha! As a kid, I never really appreciated the quests (although I did do them), so I am excited for those to come back & relive that experience. However, since WTP will not have a paywall for any of the experiences from the original Pixie Hollow, I am incredibly excited to explore The Wilderness for the first time!

Lila: My favorite part of the original game was honestly how open and free it was! There was always so much to do in the game, but I never felt pressured to do any of it if I didn't want to. I could go crazy one day playing games and doing quests, and then I could spend the next day flying around, just admiring the scenery and doing absolutely nothing in terms of progress. There were no obligations at all - I think that's why I remember the game so well. I was also really invested in it - I actually kept a journal about what I did in the game, can you believe it? I would say it's made my life better in a couple of ways - when the game was still open, it was a fantastic stress reliever, and even now I love thinking about it (plus, it led me to WTP!). As for my favorite memory… well, there are so many! I'd have to say my favorite was the time a Sparrow Man and I flirted in the Tearoom using nothing but those preset Speedchat phrases. I don't know who started it, but I'm pretty sure we were both non-members at the time - maybe we were drawn together by those Arrival Day outfits. We ended up drawing a crowd; I remember seeing a lot of clapping emojis and hearts. It was insane! Sadly, we forgot to add each other as friends, so we never saw each other again. I just got out my old journal to check if I wrote down his name - and I apparently did! Figfig, my guy, if you’re out there, I was either Twilight Olivemist or Karina Lightningflame at the time. As for what I’m excited for, I'm super excited for all of the meadows to come back! I loved just flying around and seeing all of the gorgeous artwork. And multiplayer, of course - Pixie Hollow was such a social game. I loved those little things like sitting on a branch and chatting.

Gloria: My favorite part of the original game was definitely the community aspect! I made a lot of friends in Pixie Hollow that were really special to me. It was so much fun to play games and throw parties with other pixies in the Hollow! I played the original game from January 2009 to its closing in 2013. I was really invested in the game and played very often! It definitely helped me embrace my inner child and hold onto magic longer than a lot of my peers, something I am grateful for. One great memory I have of the game was the events. I specifically loved the Silly Days Event, which allowed users to access the Mermaid Grotto. And Camp Pixie Dust, of course! For WTP, I am super excited for questing! It was a really unique experience every time and led to neat storylines which allowed players to unlock some cool items. I really liked the added structure of quests in game.

Rose: I was mildly obsessed with Pixie Hollow for a good majority of my childhood. I was picked on quite a bit when I was younger, so Pixie Hollow became this sort of safe haven for me, where I could express myself without fear of judgement. I spent a lot of my time roleplaying with online friends, pretending to be waitresses in the Tearoom, or secret agents fighting crime and protecting the Hollow – it was a lot of fun. Some of my first ever story ideas came from some of those roleplays, which lead to me starting a blog and later pursuing a career as an author, so I actually owe a lot to the game and the friends I made there. My favorite thing was probably decorating my home – I loved creating different settings with all the furniture I had, from cafés to ice palaces. It was a lot of fun. I'm super excited for multiplayer – I’ve made so many friends through the PBC (Pixie Blogging Community) and WTP, so I can’t wait for when we can hang out in-game.

Kassie: I played Pixie Hollow starting in late 2008 until it closed! Every day after school I would grab my snack and head to the computer to play for at LEAST an hour. Narrowing down my favorite part of the game is so hard!! But if I had to choose I would say getting creative with outfits and color combos! I loved going to fashion contests and seeing other people's creations- that's actually how I met a lot of my friends. I think Pixie Hollow benefited me as a way to escape from the stresses of the real world. Middle school and early high school were difficult seasons for me and it was nice to venture into a mystical land where I felt people truly cared for me. One of my favorite memories was when I met my friend Strawberry. We were mutual friends with someone and we both went to her house at the same time. However, our friend was asleep (remember the lil z's?) and so we started talking and suddenly we became the best of friends! Over 10 years later we are still friends and catch up with each other once in a while. We don't live far from each other so we hope to meet each other someday! Honestly, I’m most excited to have house decorating in WTP! I remember people would spend HOURS decorating their homes and doing the coolest designs- I always concentrated more on fashion so I'd love the chance to redeem myself and design an awesome home!

How did you first find out about the WTP project and what inspired you to start working as a moderator?

Kassie: A lot of my close friends started up the project and eventually invited me to be a part of it as a moderator! In our friend group I tended to be the one to mediate conversations, so I think it was a no-brainer to ask me to moderate.

Daphne: When I got to know about Club Penguin rewrites, I thought there might be a rewrite for Pixie Hollow as well and I stumbled upon a YouTube video which mentioned WTP. I really wanted to help out with the project in any way I could so that really motivated me to become a moderator.

Anastasia: I actually found out about the WTP project through Teresa, on another Pixie Hollow site where she first posted the Bubble Bounce demo! She even DM'd me about potentially helping out as an artist, which I've always wanted to do! However, due to my schedule being a bit too busy to consistently help out with game art, I never felt like I could apply. However, I've always tried to help out in other ways, such as when I was an Event Manager & hosted movie nights! When it was decided that movie nights were going to take a hiatus, I really wanted to continue helping out in the community, and thus, I became a mod!

Lila: I first found out about We The Pixies when I joined a Club Penguin rewrite. I hadn't thought about Pixie Hollow in years, but then I wondered if someone else had rewritten Pixie Hollow, so I looked it up and found WTP! As for joining the moderation team, I'd been pretty active on the server when the application opened up, and I really loved the community. I figured I'd give it a shot - worst they could say was no, right? Well, I ended up getting the role! It’s been a really great job ever since.

Gloria: I found out about We the Pixies while doing some Google searches and checking out the Pixie Hollow community this year. I definitely jumped at the opportunity to apply to be a moderator because I have so much passion for the project and wanted to help out and connect with others who also had interest. 

Rose: I found WTP through Phoebe Bumbleflip’s blog – she published a post promoting the remake and the Discord back in October last year. I don’t have any skills that can really help with the recreation of the game itself, but I wanted to contribute in any way I could, which is what inspired me become a moderator.

(Phoebe is a member of the WTP Hype Squad, you can find her blog here!)

The WTP community is mostly positive, but have you ever had instances where you felt like server members weren't being the nicest? If so, how do you deal with it?

Anastasia: Since I'm new to the staff team, I've only ever come across a handful of issues involving the members, and most of them resolve with ease. Typically, directing people to the rules and giving them a warning is enough.

Lila: With so many people in the server, it's not unusual to see something that isn't so friendly - usually, if an argument starts up in the chat, reminding people of the rules or starting a new conversation fixes things. If things are really bad, I might talk to someone individually and ask them nicely to be, well, nicer.

Gloria: In my time on the staff so far, we have had a couple trolls and people who haven't complied with the rules, and in that situation, we generally like to calmly message the person and ask them to comply with the server rules. In my experience thus far, this usually sorts out the problem. However, if the issue persists, the moderation team would consult each other and figure out how to deal with it further based on the severity of the behavior.

Rose: They’re very rare, but we have had to deal with some disputes with upset or angry members. Usually us moderators will talk and discuss the issue and then decide the best course of action together.

Kassie: There's always going to be someone unkind who comes across the server every now and then. I think the best way to handle it is to tell them what rule they're breaking and WHY it's important that they adhere to the rule. Ultimately, our rules are about respecting everyone in the community. If we can help them empathize and understand respect I think that's making strides not only in the WTP community but hopefully in EVERY community that individual is a part of.

We've had a few events in the WTP community, how does creating one come about and how do you plan it?

Anastasia: Excellent question! As a former Event Manager, I'm the right Pixie to ask!

It all starts with the approval of administration. Once the admins approve of it (and other staff have no issues with it), you can go forward and begin scheduling a time. We typically don't do events without having a proper schedule or time frame. We also try to accommodate other time zones as best as we can, since we know that WTP has Pixies from across the globe! Then, you need to designate certain responsibilities to people. This was the purpose of the Event Managers, since we were in charge of hosting Movie/Game Night. I have a lot of good memories hosting movie nights with Alchemist (Lavender) and Asteria! With other events, staff members are chosen to have either a leading role or a helping hand in making sure the event goes smoothly. Even if they aren't in charge, it is important to note that all events typically require staff supervision. Now, planning it typically involves a discussion among the staff (and any other WTP players that may be involved in helping out). We usually try to make sure that the community voice is heard, and that they can get involved! Our main goal is always to bring everyone together while having fun, and that is the foundation of all our events.

Daphne: The Hype Squad is the creative mind behind all the events we have. Since we can not have in-game events (which we definitely will once the game is fully developed), the Hype Squad tries to come up with flitterific events to keep us in the pixie hollow spirit while we wait. Our former team of event managers was behind the shorter events such as the numerous game nights and movie nights.

Lila: Starting an event is absolutely a team effort - no matter where or who the idea comes from, we like to talk about it for a while first. For example, I had the idea for Meadow Madness one night out of the blue, and I made sure to run it by the staff and Hype Squad before I started anything up. It ended up being a huge success - we had an average of 200 respondents per round, which was pretty neat for something I came up with in ten minutes.

Rose: There’s quite a bit of planning that goes on behind the scenes for events – a lot of events are actually planned by the Hype Squad (which I am a part of) or our social media team. An idea will be presented by a team member, and then we’ll all discuss it – what our thoughts are on the suggestion, and how we’d go about holding it if it were to become an actual event. If everyone on the team agrees and the staff are okay with it, we’ll then start deciding dates for the event and preparing things like banners and announcement posts. Sometimes we’ll also have one of our members act as coordinator too, to make sure everything is running smoothly during the event itself.

Kassie: I'm personally not one of the head honchos who puts events together, but it comes down to listening to a bunch of ideas and trying to figure out which one best fits the needs and desires of the community!

How do you fit working on WTP into your schedule?

Daphne: I finished high school in April and I can't really start college until quarantine is over, so I pretty much don't have anything to do at home right now so it's easy for me to make time for WTP.

Anastasia: I try my best to moderate whenever I can- usually in my spare time. We get a lot of newcomers each day, so there always seems to be someone who needs help getting verified, or a Pixie who needs some other sort of assistance. That's the thing about having such a large community: we always seem to have some moderating to do!

Lila: I actually have the apps I need for moderation (and social media work) on my phone - now that I'm not in school for the summer, I'm traveling a lot, so I don't sit down and use my laptop very often. I think I use Discord on my phone more than my laptop, actually. Using mobile lets me check the server whenever I have a spare moment, so I can keep up with things wherever I go.

Gloria: I have a really flexible schedule in general as school and life goes, so I am able to make time to moderate and spend a lot of time online.

Rose: Mostly by multitasking – I’m almost always online, even if I’m doing other things, so it’s not too tricky to keep an eye on the server throughout the day.

Kassie: It's hard sometimes, but the easiest way for me to stay connected is to keep my notifications on when I'm not busy with the mandatory things in life like my job, planning my wedding, and investing in relationships outside of the community. Giving myself the chance to walk away here and there leaves me refreshed for the next time I log on!

Two of our moderators, Kassie and Lila, also serve on our social media team, so we asked them a special question:

How do you use social media to grow the community?

Lila: Social media is a great place to post about game updates and community events. I've found that few posts get people more excited than posts about new game features. Update posts also let people know that, yes, we are still up and running! Sometimes people think we've shut down already, and social media helps us keep the project alive.

Kassie: Social Media is all about messages. I think what attracts people to join a community is to send a message they resonate with! In WTP's case, nostalgia plays a huge part in growing our community- we are trying to attract people who are excited about something they wish they had again.

One final question for all of our moderators: what’s your favorite part of your job, and is there a way it’s benefited you?

Daphne:  Definitely talking and getting to know so many people from across the globe. I'm always down for making new friends! For me, the most impact moderating for WTP has had is on my people skills. As a moderator, you have to ensure that everyone is following the rules and sometimes people need convincing to follow a rule. It also involves solving any issues related to the game/Discord server and communicating with the members in general, which really develops your people skills.

Anastasia: Honestly, my favorite part of being a mod is being able to interact with the other staff members. They're a really lovely and creative group of people, and it's fun bouncing ideas off of each other and figuring out what's best for everyone in this community! I wouldn't quit WTP for the world! Working for WTP has benefited me a lot as so far, it's helped me work on the ways I can help organize a community. Also, it is helping me work on my time management skills, as well as my ability to work in a team.

Lila: I think my favorite part of my job is, as corny as it sounds, watching this community grow! When I joined, we had maybe 500 users in the server, and we're well over 6000 now. I never thought that so many people would remember the game, but they do. It's remarkable, really. Working for WTP is probably the best volunteer position I've ever taken up. Moderating has really helped me learn how to think things through and get help when I need it. Working on social media has also been great for my writing and graphic design skills - I've got to say that I've gotten pretty good at color combinations!

Gloria: My favorite part of moderating is helping people in the player server and sparking interest and discussion among users. It's so much fun to reminisce about the hollow with other fans. Though I haven't been on the team for a very long time, it has already been lots of fun and I have really enjoyed connecting with the community even more and getting others interested in the revival project. And the other staff members are very cool people that are really rad to work with.

Rose: My favorite part of my job is welcoming new people to the server! Being a moderator has definitely helped with my problem-solving skills – working out ways to handle situations on the server.

Kassie: Being friends with the staff is my favorite part. It is always a joy to log on to laugh and learn with friends. I wouldn't trade it for anything. Asteria and I have created a pretty strong friendship (hopefully she agrees, haha). We've known each other for about 4 years now. She makes me laugh out loud and we've been there for each other in our victories and failures. Her friendship is one I deeply cherish and I hope we get to meet sometime in the future! I care a lot about connection, community, and friendship, so for me, being a part of this team is a way for me to foster those things and be a part of it! I think I've benefited from WTP by learning how to guide hard conversations and disagreements in a respectful manner. Many people think moderators just manage the community, but a huge part of our job is to aid staff in having constructive conversations. There are definitely ruffled wings here and there, but we always get through and I've really grown through those processes!

__________________

Thank you all so much for sticking with us during our interview series! We had a lot of fun answering your questions, and we hope you had a flaptastic time reading them.

#WTP Staff Interviews #we the pixies

[beastmode98]

Always have been a fan of Choices since I discovered the app about three years ago. While I’m struggling to get behind some of the newer books, The Freshman series will always hold a place in my heart.

With Chris being my MC, I’ve decided to write my ideas about my MC, “Ann” and Chris and write it out. Pls let me know how this one shot is!

This takes place during “The Senior” when Chris took MC on vacation to Cedars Crest. This is their last evening their together

The Future

“What do you think about adoption?” Ann says out loud while her and Chris lay on the loveseat outside of the Condo they are staying in at Cedar’s Crest.

Following their talk the previous night about their future and the things they wanted out of life, this new idea springs into Ann’s mind.

“Adoption?” Chris asks with a raised eyebrow looking into his girlfriend’s coffee brown eyes. “Where did that idea come from?”

“I don’t know,” Ann says with a shrug. “I mean I know we discussed having kids of our own sometime after graduation, but there’s just something about giving someone who needs a family very rewarding. I just want to be able to give back to someone who truly needs it.”

On the verge of being spawned from another woman’s eggs due to her mother and father’s struggle with conception, the generosity that men and women offer is something so courageous and inspiring to Ann.

“It’s just an idea,” she says to him. “It’s not like we’re actively trying for one now and not succeeding.”

“I...I actually think it’s a pretty cool idea,” he says while scratching the back of his neck. A nervous trait that Ann knows all to well from knowing this man over the past three years.

“You’re nervous about it though, aren’t you?” Ann asks.

Chris turns to look at her, blue eyes looking into brown. “I want to give you the world Ann. I couldn’t think of anything more perfect than to give someone who isn’t our biological kids the world also.”

She smiles brightly up at him and pecks him on the lips a few times.

“I knew I chose you for a good reason,” she jokingly says to him.

Chris chuckles and wraps his arms around her as they watch over the bright Autumn October sunset.

“So it wasn’t my good looks?” Chris asks sarcastically raising his eyebrows.

“No that kinda turned me off,” she retorts back scrunching her face. “Ouch,” Chris says putting his hand over his heart pretending to be hurt.

“But I’m serious though, I’m really glad I ended up settling with someone like you,” Ann says. “You offer so much kindness not just to me, but to all the people around you. You give people second chances, even if they don’t deserve it, and you lead by example on and off the field. Someday when they day comes, you’re gonna be a great Dad, and I look forward to that day.”

“I love you so much,” Chris beams. He kisses Ann on her forehead hugs her tight. Ann holds her head close to Chris’ heartbeat to listen to it beat and pound.

“I love you too,” she says back as Chris kisses her chestnut brown hair. “You’re gonna be a great Mom too y’know,” he says back to her.

“You’re acts of kindness extends way beyond mine. I see you being very nurturing to the little ones we’re gonna have soon.”

“Oh of course! You know we do have one son though, and I see he’s enjoying this weather too,” she chuckles as she looks over at the White and Golden Labrador Retriever who’s fallen asleep against the railings of the patio the couple is under.

“Max is gonna be our first baby boy for life,” he says. “Y’know I just can’t get enough of this weather,” Chris says. “I agree, I love Autumn sunsets. I wish it could last forever,” Ann responds.

Fall is always a beautiful season for the both of them. Sure Winter is great and offers beautiful patches of snow to be creative with, Spring offers warm weather with bright flowers returning to bloom, and Summer brings nice days to kick back and relax by the beach or pool, but nothing beats Autumn to the couple.

Autumn offers variety of colors within the leaves that has yet to die off yet. The weather isn’t too cold and isn’t too hot, but just the perfect temperature for long sleeve wear and shorts. And the sky can be painted with different strokes of colors as the sun sets into the nighttime.

“I have a question for you now,” Chris says looking down at Ann. “I suppose I can listen to your request,” she says jokingly.

“What do you think of moving out to a place like Cedar’s Crest, or maybe somewhere like a rural area in Boston?”

“I thought you wanted to settle down in Cherryfield after college?”

“I love Cherryfield, that place will always be home to me, but there’s just not that many opportunities for me, well for us, to shine there. While I am a big fan of the city, I’d like to live in an area that’s just slow and small, but not too small if that makes sense?”

“Oh no it definitely makes sense,” Ann says.

“I want to be able to make enough money to where not only will we have our dream home, but just a few blocks down is where my Mom, Kyle, and A.J. can live near us. I wanna be able to take care of my Mom and repay her for the sacrifices she’s made to take care of myself, Kyle, and A.J. And I don’t care if I get that money from the NFL, or through being a Football coach at Hartfeld, I wanna give back to her.”

An uneasy feeling forms in Ann’s stomach at the NFL comment Chris made. It’s not that she doesn’t support Chris’ dreams, she just doesn’t want to live an unorthodox live where she’s his personal cheerleader traveling with him all over the world watching him living his dream. That, and her being a housewife while he is gone six months out of the year. She thinks back to what Alice said in their first meeting together.

“Remember that you have a life to live also,” she says. “Women of your intellect comes once in a lifetime, so don’t be afraid to step into your own life and have your own career.”

She puts her personal feelings aside for now just to focus on the moment that they’re in right now.

“What do you think,” he asks looking into her eyes. “It’s an amazing idea, I can’t wait to see the fruits of our hard work pay off and show just how possible it was for it to come true,” she says.

“Soon my love,” he says pecking her head and looking out into the horizon.

“Thank you for this trip Chris, I really do appreciate it. It’s nice to be able to disconnect from the world for awhile and just take in the good things that the world has to offer. I don’t know what I did to deserve someone like you, so thank you, and I love you.” She snuggles into Chris’ chest and Chris wraps her into a tight hug.

“I love you too Ann. How many kids are you thinking about having anyways?”

“15,” she says cheesing up at him.

#chris powell #playchoices #the freshmen series #the senior

[rann109]

What the hell happened to Wereworld by Rann?

Hello folks. I know it’s been a long time. The little webcomic I did over on comicgenesis was last updated by me on 1-13-13 and frankly I’m surprised it is still up. I’m surprised comicgenesis is still up.  

I don’t know if the folks in charge there are doing anything now, but last I checked there seemed to be only the barest minimum of maintenance going on. A quick perusal of the forum indicates that not much is working and creators are just kind of on their own. The glory days of the site seem to be long over. 

I am starting this blog to answer questions a lot of my comic’s long-suffering fans might have been asking for years now. 

This is my very first Tumblr post. I chose them because (so far) it’s easy to use, they’re popular, and most importantly, free! I also like the old-school blog feel. I don’t know how many of you will actually FIND it. I’ve planned on doing this for years now and I was going to make the announcement via the Yahoo group but, alas, Yahoo has ended their groups service just as I resolved to do this. Probably because nobody uses them anymore. I can’t really blame them, but as a result I lost contact with all of you.

This is going to take awhile to unpack. It’s been almost nine years, after all. Damn. 

Before going into details, I’ll just say Life happened. It has been a chaotic time for me, as well as, I’m sure, for you. But I’ll get to the first and biggest reason I stopped the comic:

#1- BURNOUT

Yes, the artist’s arch-nemesis, burnout. I got to a point where the thought of picking up a pencil to draw was the last thing I wanted to do. It came as a shock, really. As passionate as I was in the early days I thought it would never end. I loved drawing and creating characters and stories as much as anything I ever got into. As my ability improved through dedicated practice I was proud of the work and loved the feedback. But over time I grew less and less interested in updating Wereworld. I guess about ten years of dedicated work on a project that doesn’t seem to have an end anytime soon and receiving no pay for that work can do it to a person. I really got tired of trying to compose a page, draw it, ink it, update my page using html, and post the finished comic all in the same day. Other days of the week were out of the question as I had little enough free time as it was and I had to, and wanted to, do other things during that time.

#2- FAMILY 

And everyday life seemed to begrudge me even the little time I ended up spending on Wereworld. Like, everything would be going smoothly, but as soon as I sat down, put on some music to get “in the zone”, that’s when life would come kicking down my door to demand my undivided attention. Every Sunday I could count on my phone ringing, family wanting my attention and loading me with worries and problems before going merrily on their way, leaving me in a bad mood. No comic THIS week. AGAIN! My “Why bother?” kicked in and I began to plan on just waiting around, doing nothing, waiting for crisis #2076 to come banging on my door. Nobody except my wife understood how important that little bit of time was to me and how important it was for me to be in the right STATE OF MIND to work on Wereworld. All it took was a comment or a five minute call to screw me up. They are the kind of people who measure a thing’s worth by how much money you’re making because of it. And since I wasn’t making anything on it, they saw no reason not to bother me during my drawing time. The “emergency only” stipulation I made about calls tended to be loosely interpreted. (My sibs are all married with children now, with all the problems that come with it and it has been pretty damn quiet for me here on my end in the past few years, LOL!) 

#3- DEPRESSION

No, not clinical depression. Not the kind that pushes people to the brink and start thinking of ending ending it all, but the combination of little to no time to spend on creating and my growing burnout pretty much marked the end. The situation made me feel depressed. But I have many other activities and a happy life with my wife (who was always very supportive of my various obsessions, including WW) and it was easier to refocus on other things instead of mourning my waning motivation to create new comics.

#4- WORK

Yep, work. Gotta pay the bills and eat. I lost my career job when the place I worked finally shut its doors after a long decline after 9-11. I did a little bit of everything after that and pretty much all of it sucked. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

I’ll end this post for now, as the day is getting on and there’s other things I have to do (yep, still!), but there’s a lot more to this and I’ll be back VERY soon to update this blog. And you CAN believe me this time! 

11-24-20, AAnnd I’m back. On to number five. 

#5- DISCONNECTION

The longer I went without updating the comic, the less connected to it I felt. I had in mind to finish the thing someday but not on the Comicgenesis platform. And time just sort of slipped away. I’d still think about the story now and then, but it wasn’t an all consuming thing like it was before, not even close. And I started working on other stories which I’ll get into later.

#6- GUILT

I still receive a fan email once in awhile, hard to believe. At first I answered everybody, but over time as it became more apparent I wasn’t going to get back to it anytime soon, I stopped replying. I felt guilty about leaving everyone hanging, and the longer it went, the more guilty I felt until I’d wince whenever I got an email concerning the old comic. I was going to send a letter out via my Yahoo group, but like I mentioned before, they stopped the service just as I was about to do it. That added to my guilt even more!

#7- OTHER INTERESTS

I have always had a variety of hobbies and interests and I was good and ready to get back into some of them or start new things altogether. My first passion is knife making and I have been into that in the past years since. Not full time, I don’t want to burn myself out on that too, but I have made and sold a good little amount in the past few years. I took a leather armor maker’s master class and had a lot of fun at that, I rebuild vintage road and mountain bikes, and scour the countryside for resalable items at yard and estate sales. To name a few. I also wrote and published a book on Amazon, so that’s out there. It’s called “Abagail Reese and the Supersonic Witch” if anyone cares to check it out. I had a lot of fun writing that but it hasn’t made me much change so I kinda redirected my creative focus on my knives, which actually does pay. I have a few other stories kicking around in my mind but I don’t know when I’ll ever get to writing them down. I’m sure as hell not going to try to illustrate them myself. As slow as I work and as rusty as I am, forget it. They’d be novels. Unless I found a great, fast artist who worked for almost free, lol! 

#Rann Wereworld webcomic

[swannkings]

Do I want to wade into the murky waters of Ye Old Fanfic Vs Original Fic wars? Yes.

I don’t know who amongst Twitter or Tumblr needs to hear this, but your edgy as fuck takes on whether fanfiction has value or not aren’t new or enlightened. I tend not to get public with my takes on writing, because I was there 10+ years ago doing this exact thing on Quizilla & Mibba, and an individual’s medium of writing and impetus is their own damn business. Any and all writing has value. Sometimes it’s meant for personal indulgence or for small communities or friend groups, other times it has to pass muster for professional publication (which is a whole other shit bag of contention) or mass public consumption.

These arguments (they are never discussions) are also exhausting and pointless. Nobody wins these things.

I agree that Cassandra Claire/Clare and E.L. James are poor examples of professional writers having begun their careers in fanfiction. But, I’d also point out that actual literary agents and publishing houses signed and printed them, and professional editors did at least skim over their works. The authors aren’t the only ones to get blame for shit writing. And let’s not forget Anne Rice, infamously unfriendly toward fanfiction, chucked professional editors out of her equation altogether because she didn’t like them having opinions on her work.

Not all writers want to be published nor want fame.

It does seem to baffle when those words enter the ears of pretentious writers, readers, and others who don’t write at all. Some people write because it’s fun, like a hobby. Sometimes those people, who write for fun, will edit their work and sometimes they let it go as is because it’s just for catharsis.

My big personal project is to track down all digital and hard copies of my writing and catalogue them. I’ve been doing it for 10 years now. I’ve been writing and sharing my writings for the last 18 years. I have a hard copy of the very first major piece of fiction I wrote (a Lord of the Rings fanfic from 2002/2003) and a hard copy of the last piece of fiction I worked on (an AU fic for a Japanese otome game) and a hard copy of my first original novel (a urban gothic from 2017). There is an absolute difference in my writing from age 11 to age 28. And looking at my catalogue of writing, most of it is fanfiction. Do I have original works in there? Yes. Are they good? I think they are, and my friend thinks they are, but whether or not those works are up to snuff for a book deal—that’s up to an agent I haven’t sought out.

Improvements to my writing can be attributed to age (I’ll be 29 in a little over a week), to a university education (a BA in Performance Art from a STEM based offshoot of a way more prestigious school is the most I could afford after 3 years of community college), and alternating writing fanfiction online with a built-in audience/community and sharing original works online (where they got much less attention) and with writing groups/friends.

The truest rule of any endeavor is: you get better with practice.

Does fanfiction enable bad habits? Sure, but so does being educated at an Ivy League school. There’s no shame in acknowledging our own shortcomings. I mean, fuck though, I’d take overusing the phrase “carded his fingers” or inexperienced writers with funky grammar over being a snob with a Linguistics degree and a podcast.

What makes me, an unknown writer, a maybe valuable voice in this here shitkicking?

Because I’ve been doing this for half of my life and because I love stories. I’m an advocate for education and reading, and libraries and accessible information. I’m all for kids (anyone really) picking up comics or graphic novels, or reading fanfiction or webcomics, reading whatever genre or medium floats their boat if it means they’re engaging their minds and imaginations. This extends to film and video games and podcasts and audiobooks too because not everyone has the same level of literacy or ability to physically read or stay engaged with written text.

I don’t have a lot of experience in many things, and I am by no means a fabulous writer, but I am old enough to recognize an old argument and threadbare talking points coming from the mouths of unhappy people.

But is there really merit to writing fanfiction? Yes.

It’s a great way for people new to writing to learn how and practice creating engaging narratives.

It’s a great way for young writers to deconstruct their favorite worlds and characters in order to better understand both the creation of fiction and the types of fiction they enjoy writing. (Heads up: published literary fiction also uses tropes and archetypes)

Fanfiction has a built-in audience. This is perfect for any writers who a) are unsure of their abilities and wish to get feedback, b) wish to remain anonymous for various reasons such as being made to feel embarrassed for writing fanfiction but want a modicum of acknowledgment, c) have rich and engaging lives and just want to share some raunchy fantasies because they most certainly aren’t alone, and d) simply enjoy writing things that make others happy.

Have you seen the goddamned news? Let people have some silly little pleasures.

But what about... you know... brain rot?

That’s a real thing. Twitter has it too (have the last 5 years shown us nothing?) And have you met A Dude From Film School?

Let’s be clear: age doesn’t negate brain rot, neither does only writing original fiction. Young people who are Extremely Online, y’all can have brain rot too, it isn’t just Fandom Olds or your Uncle on Facebook.

You should never let your age dictate whether you are able to engage in fandom or fanfiction, but absolutely should in the ways you engage. Not every piece of fic is meant for you to read and not everyone has to praise the things you write, not even your friends.

For the record: writing tropes, even squicky ones, isn’t brain rot. Not believing fandom is racist or gate keeps is though.

The big take away...

Listen.

If you are a writer who primarily writes fanfiction and you want to someday be a published author of real live books, you do need to create original works and engage with writers outside of AO3, Tumblr, Wattpad, or whatever site is still hosting fic when you read this. It’s imperative you see other parts of the creative world. Stretch your wings, experience other ways of doing. Allow yourself to grow beyond what you know.

There is no guarantee you’ll have a career in writing. There is no guarantee your magnum opus will get you a publishing deal, or will even make it out of the slush pile. Writing to a career endgame can be just as detrimental as writing to a trend.

None of this is even getting into the gate keeping that exists in publishing already and only allows in diverse voices when it’s profitable, making fanfiction and online communities all the more important to marginalized creatives.

It’s perfectly alright to just write because you like writing, and it’s perfectly alright if you like playing in other people’s sandboxes. No one but you gets to place value on your hobbies or take merit from you for not writing like you have a MFA in Creative Writin. Writing a 100k Slow Burn fic takes just as much dedication as writing a 60k original novel, they just stretch different muscles.

#fanfiction #writing #will i regret this?

[purplesurveys]

1029

[found at: zelthie]

What were you doing before you got on the computer? I took a long-ass shower after the humid nightmare that was today.

Is there anything you really want right now? I wish I had some pastry to go with my iced coffee. I miss my studying sessions at coffee shops :( and it’s not like I’ll get to have them again once Covid is over, because I’m not even in school anymore. Sigh. Also, a longer weekend. I can hardly believe it’s Sunday again tomorrow, and that after that will be Monday again. I love my work, but I also want to reeeeeeeeest.

What's the best gift you've ever gotten? Probably the front-row concert tickets my dad got me for Paramore. Outside of my parents, I really appreciated the scrapbook Gabie made for me three years ago. It turned out to be the first and only handmade gift she’d ever make for me, so I think of it fondly.

What's a song you think the world needs to listen to? Idk, people have different tastes and so it may not be possible to name a song that would successfully appeal to everybody.

Has there ever been a person you regret ever being friends with? As much as I like to firmly believe that regretting friendships should be avoided as much as possible because those people made me happy at one point, I’ve got nothing nice to say about Marielle.

Do you think you have a good understanding on love? I don’t know anything anymore.

You just discovered a new color! What would you name it? No thanks, please don’t ask me to be creative any time of the day.

What's your favorite ice cream flavor? Cookies and cream, and recently, chocolate chip cookie dough.

What do you want to do on your honeymoon? I have not had one but should I do, I’d love to go somewhere non-beachy for a change.

What's one thing you remember learning in school? Spelling difficult words. English (the language, not literature) was my favorite subject in middle school and I always liked the pop spelling quizzes we had. There are some words I could still remember getting wrong, like ‘rendezvous’ and ‘coup d’etat’ but I was always excited about learning their correct spellings so that I could start using them on my own time as well.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Dog for sure.

How do you want to be remembered by people? [trigger warning] Idk. Whenever I think about...leaving, I always also think about leaving some kind of note instructing whoever’s in charge of stuff to keep things hushed, because I don’t want the whole thing to be a big deal and for it to spread. I don’t really want to be remembered for anything.

Do you like road trips? Yaaaaaaaaas. As long as I’ve got the right playlist that’s also long enough as well as several seasons of Friends, I’d be good to go.

Do you think Medical Marijuana should be legalized? I haven’t read much about it and that topic in general is still widely taboo over here, but I personally have nothing against it.

If you were forced to dye your hair another color, what color would you get? Brown.

Excited for anything? My first paycheck :D :D

What do you think of your parent(s)? They’re doing their best.

Are your grandparents dead? Just one.

What celebrity do you think should have never become famous? Amber Heard and the Paul brothers.

What's your favorite thing to do online? Watch stuff on YouTube. These days I’ve been revisiting wrestling again so I’ve been watching loads of matches and promos I enjoyed throughout my teenage years. I’m scared to dip my toes into today’s content though, because I barely know anyone anymore and there would be a lot of storylines I’d have to get acquainted with; but idk, I might get there someday.

Are you glad George W. Bush is out of office? I didn’t know his presidency all that well because I was way too young when he was still in office. Apparently he’s not very popular.

If you could appear on any TV show, what show would you choose? I’ve always wanted to try out The Amazing Race. I was definitely hooked to that show as a kid.

What does your full name look like without the letters t,a,i,o,e,l,n or s? Rby.

Your mood summed up into one word? Emotionless. I’m literally not feeling anything at the moment, but this is still a lot better than being miserable so I’ll take it.

How often do you talk to other people about the weather? Only when we’re experience extremes, like if it’s painfully, annoyingly hot out or if there’s a bad typhoon. Otherwise I try to find something else to talk about.

Are you doing anything else besides taking this survey right now? Nope, my full attention is on here.

What's a name you wouldn't mind having? At this point, I’ve learned to be okay with my name and don’t feel the need to whine about it anymore.

What's your favorite thing to wear that you own? My mom jeans or denim jacket.

What do you think of Barbie dolls? Boring, mostly. I grew up with boys, so we had more toys marketed for boys and those are what I ended up liking more.

When you were little, did you ever want to go to Disneyland? Not really.

Do you currently have a job? What kind of job do you *want* to have? I do. I’m already in the job/career I had wanted and aimed to be in.

What do you like to do on your free time? Being on YouTube, playing with my dogs, surveys, eating.

What's your relationship with your parents like? With my mom, it’s permanently strained after years of verbal and emotional abuse, but at some point I just learned to live with the trauma – it’s like, we get along these days and we barely get into screaming matches anymore, but at the back of my head I’m still constantly reeling from the hurt she had put me through when I was younger.

My dad and I act like each other’s buddies, but we silently look out for one another. For example he’ll sometimes make a plate of corndogs just for me while I’m at work, and that’s his way of saying “Are you ok? Here, have this. I’m worried about you” without ever having to say it to my face.

Do you own any pets? Yes, I’ve got two dogs.

How many places have you traveled to? Six countries and all over my own country, except Mindanao.

Do you own a cell phone? If so, what kind? iPhone 8.

What are your goals for the future? For things to fall into place, whatever that would bring me.

What's your favorite kind of drink? Just plain old cold water, or coffee.

Did you ever get into the Twilight saga craze? What about the Harry Potter craze? I was (and am, heheh) into Twilight; I wasn’t into Harry Potter.

Where is your mind at: The Past, the Present, the Future, or all around? My mind tends to make space for all three of these.

What's a really good movie you've seen recently? I haven’t seen any films recently but I am planning to watch Ammonite, which I have high hopes and expectations for.

Are you happy where you are right now? Career-wise, yes. As for everything else...could be a little better.

What's the first thing you thought in your head when you woke up today? AHHHHHHH SATURDAY.

If your best friend confessed that they can see the future, you would...? Ask how they were able to get such an ability.

Write a random quote that comes to your head: I’ve been watching Friends all day so the first set of quotes I thought of upon reading this question was, “I just don’t want to face three failed marriages.” “At what point did you think this was a successful marriage?” hahahahaha.

What's your opinion on milk chocolate? Like it, but sometimes can be too sweet.

What about Dark Chocolate? I don’t like dark chocolate bars themselves – too bitter; but I don’t mind it being incorporated in other sweets, like cookies that have dark chocolate bits.

You do know that white chocolate isn't even really chocolate, right? Yes. But it’s my favorite kind.

Do you get annoyed when surveys mention a band you've never heard of? If they mention it excessively or if they name too many unfamiliar bands, then I’m likely to get annoyed, yeah. But I skim through potential surveys anyway, so if I observe that a survey has too many music references I can’t relate to then I just don’t take it.

What's your opinion about Katy Perry's song "I kissed a girl"? Cool song and ahead of its time tbh, but she has so many other better singles.

What's your least favorite pizza topping? Pepperoni, beef, and pineapples.

What would you do if you discovered the US was now drafting for the war? Don’t care.

Are you even living in America, or are you from another country? Bingo for the latter.

What's your favorite social website? Twitter.

Do you believe in heaven? If so, what's it like? If not, why? No. I associate heaven with gods or higher beings, so believing in it would just kill the point of being atheist. I do like to find comfort in some sort of afterlife where I’m not in pain and am reunited with all my loved ones, though. I don’t necessarily believe in it, but it’s just comforting to think about and makes death a lot less scary.

What's your favorite video game? Super Smash Bros. Brawl would probably be my all time favorite. I do plan to get Super Smash Bros. Ultimate for the Switch, so that might get dethroned soon.

In your opinion, is Bzoink the best place to find fun surveys? Yes.

What's your opinion of high school? It only got fun once I found the right friends. Without them, I’m sure my experience would have been miserable.

Do you prefer the country or city? City.

Texting: Is it fun, evil, boring, or none of the above? It can be all of these things depending on the context of the conversation.

What email service do you use for your main (or only) email account? I’m mainly on Gmail. I have an Outlook account that’s still active, but I’ve been listing it less and less for social media sites.

What's your favorite dumb pick-up line? I don’t do pick-up lines, really. I find the entire concept pretty lame.

What are your plans for the next 48 hours? I got hooked to Friends again, so I’ll probably continue watching for the whole of tomorrow. For Monday, I’ll be at work again.

Did you ever read "Captain Underpants" when you were little? Yes. I lovedddd those books, but I always had to read them in secret (my cousin owned the books and I just asked to borrow) because my mom disapproved of them. My favorites were the Flip-O-Rama sections.

What's better: The old Cartoon Network, or the new one? Or do you not care? I’m not aware of the new version, so that leaves me with one choice. Generally, though, Cartoon Network was my least favorite channel out of the big 3 of kids’ channels.

Disney Channel shows are all pretty cheesy, aren't they? The ones they air today are, but maybe I’m just saying that because I’m already outside of their target demographic.

What's your opinion on the Jonas Brothers? I can’t think of a reason to dislike them. They’ve always been likeable, whether as individuals or as a band.

What are some of your favorite singers/bands? Beyoncé, Paramore, Hozier, alt-J, Coldplay, Against Me!, The Japanese House are the main favorites I like mentioning.

Why do the lead singers in bands always get the most recognition?! Probably because they’re the ones mainly heard. I always recognize all the members in my favorite bands, though.

Did you ever believe in the Tooth Fairy? I did, but when I didn’t receive any money  after placing my tooth under my pillow, my hopes and belief got shattered pretty quickly.

What's your favorite type of weather? Cold, cloudy, and rainy.

What's your opinion on reading books? I think it’s great when people are able to find the time to read books, and lots of them. I wish I didn’t grow out of it.

You're given a chance to act in a Hollywood Blockbuster! Would you accept? Nope.

What it if it was a movie directed by Tim Burton?(He directed Sweeney Todd) He ranks pretty low for me. He’s a great director and I respect his craft, but his filmography is not a personal favorite of mine.

How do you feel about Taco Bell? I wish I can have it more often, but we only have two branches in the Philippines and they are both far away.

Are you hungry right now? I can honestly go for a snack right now :/ Like chicken tenders or pad thai. I’m super tempted to order from Grab since I have more than enough cash on me, but I don’t want to be irresponsible with my money so very early on lol

How often do you go on to Youtube? Everyday, and most of everyday.

It's possible to be addicted to anything... What are you addicted to? Curry.

What's your opinion of Wallgreens? Unfamiliar.

Back when Spongebob Squarepants was famous, were you interested in it? Yes, it was my favorite cartoon.

What's your dream pet? Dogs.

You see a mermaid while relaxing on the beach with friends. What now? Think that it’s probably a social experiment and let them be.

Who's been your favorite teacher growing up, and why? My music teacher always gave amazing life advice alongside her lessons, and she was so graceful and so classy and she simply invited respect everywhere she went. I’ve always wanted to be like her.

When you were little, did you ever like Pokemon? Yes. I watched the anime and collected Pokemon pogs and cards. My cousin had a lot of the video games and I’d watch him play those, while my sister had a couple of Pokemon books that explained each Pokemon.

How often do you get headaches? These days, everyday. Hahaha work is super hectic.

Do you have any songs stuck in your head right now? If so, what? Saw You In A Dream by The Japanese House.

#survey #surveys

[audreycj-things]

[𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓰 𝓽𝔀𝓸]   My Top Five I.T. Career Choices

Are you a current or aspiring student of the information technology department? Are you having trouble with what job to take once you’ve completed your four years of torture college? If that’s two yeses, you’re in luck because in this blog post, I’ll be sharing with you the possible careers I’m considering on taking after I graduate.

But before that, let me share with you how I became a part of the Computer Studies department in the first place!

A Back Story of My Career Dilemmas  

Roughly three years ago, upon approaching my senior high school years, I was dead set on taking the path towards becoming a lawyer. Hence, I enrolled under the Humanities and Social Sciences strand. (I no longer remember why I wanted to take up law though.) A few self-evaluations later, I realized I wanted to become a medical professional, specifically a neurosurgeon. I can attribute this to familial expectations, the many Korean dramas I watched, and my desire to improve the country’s healthcare system, to help people, and to be one of the few doctors with nice handwriting. And so, I shifted to the STEM strand up until I graduated.  

During my last few months in senior high, I underwent personal dilemmas on what I really wanted. Amidst my extended family’s career expectations for me, my wise mother constantly reminded me the reality of medical professionals’ work. She emphasized the importance of your college program being a product of your own choice rather than everyone else’s expectations. And so, I was no longer sure of what program to take in college. At this point, I was already panicking, especially after seeing how confident my peers were with what career they had in mind. All I knew is that I was completely clueless of what to become and that I am a fairly versatile individual who always tries her best in whatever situation and opportunity she’s thrown in. (I’m known to be a jack-of-all-trades type of person.)

Seeing my struggle, my mom recommended me to consider the I.T. field. As a college professor and her university’s official representative to local and international seminars, she has witnessed and understood the potential and significance of professions under this field. Although hesitant at first—mostly because I haven’t been too exposed to opportunities that allow me to acquire advanced computer-related  skills (not including the ones I learned in my basic education’s computer classes)— I gave her suggestion some thought and decided that I shall take up the challenge.

And so, here I am, enrolled as a Computer Science student in the tech savvy Malayan Colleges Mindanao.

My Top Five I.T. Career Choices

Before anything else, allow me to explain briefly about the I.T. field that I plan to be a part of. This is for you to be able to catch up with what I’m trying to say, especially since there are going to be various technical terms from here on. And who knows? I might spark your interest in giving this career path a try!

According to Computer Science Online, the information technology industry operates across a range of industries, such as healthcare, finance, education, and entertainment. Broadly, information technology can be defined as the use of computing via various components (e.g. hardware, services, software) to develop, manage, transform, share and store information in different forms. Careers in information technology deal with the design, creation, management, and maintenance of the varied components of the system, including software, hardware, networks, systems integration, and multimedia.

     [1]   COMPUTER PROGRAMMER

The number one thing that I absolutely want to become is to be a computer programmer.

Following Technopedia’s definition, a computer programmer is a skilled professional who codes, tests, debugs, and maintains the comprehensive instructions known as computer programs that devices should follow to execute their functions. Computer programmers also conceptualize, design, and test logical structures to solve computer issues. Programmers make use of specific computer languages like C, C++, Java, PHP, .NET, etc. to convert the program designs developed by software developers or system architects into instructions that the computer could follow. They often refer to code libraries for simplifying their coding and might build or make use of computer-aided software tools to automate the coding.

I’ve always been awestruck of how coding works. It amazes me how a series of words and symbols arranged in a definite order will result to apps, websites, and other various software—even this word document I’m using under Microsoft Office! It’s surreal how each element of this software functions in such a smart and creative manner, especially when you know it as merely words and symbols in its raw form. I want to be able to do this by developing and learning all the knowledge and skills a good programmer should possess. Afterall, one should aim for excellence first; success will follow.

     [2]   SOFTWARE DEVELOPER

Another career that I would love to have is to be a software developer. 

According to CollegeGrad, software developers are the creative minds behind computer programs. Some develop the applications that allow people to do specific tasks on a computer or another device. Others develop the underlying systems that run the devices or that control networks. Software developers oversee the entire development process for a software program, including testing and maintenance. They design the program and then give instructions to programmers, who write computer code and test it.

Admittedly, I prefer doing the back-end job of a programmer. I don’t really love leading a team in a somewhat creativity-based project. However, the idea of initiating and facilitating the coming-to-life process of a computer program seems incredibly fulfilling. If ever I do become a software developer, I would probably create a computer program that will be of use to hospitals and schools. In fact, my mother encourages me to consider developing an enrollment system someday. No pressure.

     [3]   DATABASE ADMINISTRATOR

My third option is to become a database administrator.

According to Learn How to Become and Wikipedia, database administrators are responsible for establishing databases for organizations in all sectors of the economy in accordance with their specific needs in order to ensure that data is readily accessible for efficient and effective use by anyone with permission to use it. They use specialized software to store and organize data. Their role may include capacity planning, installation, configuration, database design, migration, performance monitoring, security, troubleshooting, as well as backup and data recovery.

A database administrator’s job appeals to my perfectionism. The idea of being in-charge of keeping everything organized is a huge but ultimately fulfilling challenge.  

     [4]   CYBER SECURITY CONSULTANT

Another career I have in mind is to be a cyber security consultant.

Top Universities emphasizes that maintaining cyber security in the modern world has become increasingly important, so a cyber security consultant’s role focuses on understanding the risks to the security of information or data. I would have to analyze where security breaches may occur or have occurred, and restore or reinforce systems against such breaches, to ensure that confidential data is protected. This role could include ‘ethical hacking’, meaning deliberately attempting to hack into my employer’s network to expose any weaknesses. Alternatively, I could work as a computer forensics analyst or investigator to combat the increasing phenomenon of cyber-crime.

I can attribute my attractions towards this career to the movies I’ve watched that portray hacking (or anything of the sort) to be cool. In several action movies, I always felt excited when seeing characters getting out of a tight, life-and-death situation with their cyber security-related skills. Although now I know that there’s more to this job than hacking—which they only do for testing reasons, otherwise it would be a crime—it still appeals to that part of my self that craves for thrill. In hindsight, the chances of coming across serious cyber security situations (like a government cyber security breach) here in the Philippines is quite low compared to other countries, so I guess my thrill-seeking self won’t be too satisfied if I work locally.

     [5]   GAME DEVELOPER

My last and fifth career choice is to become a game developer.

According to Top Universities, game developers produce games for personal computers, games consoles, social/online games, arcade games, tablets, mobile phones, and other handheld devices. This role splits into two main parts. First, there’s the creative side of designing a game and dealing with the art, animation, and storyboarding. Second, there’s the programming side, using programming languages such as C++.

I fit into the second part of developing game—the programming part. Although I’d rather invest on computer programs that are of use to the community, helping create a game seems like a fun way to apply coding. In hindsight, games are not just limited to the “fun” aspect because they offer more benefits than entertainment, so I guess I’m still helping the community in a way. I play games myself, especially the MOBA (Multiplayer Online Battle Arena) game called League of Legends. I understand and have experienced that one can learn, acquire, and hone skills (like strategy planning, enhanced reflexes, analysis) from playing games, especially complex ones. Furthermore, one can create and maintain friendships with games, as well as improve their self-confidence.

OVERALL...

Computer programmer, software developer, database administrator, cyber security consultant, game developer… whatever my career will be, I hope I’ll love what I’ll do and contribute something to the betterment of the community.

I also hope to prove some family members wrong about IT-related jobs being insignificant, that graduates under this program just “end up in computer shops.” While managing and maintaining a computer shop is a noble job, there’s so much more to the professions under I.T. that are constantly being overlooked and taken for granted. We are literally living in the digital age, yet many people still don’t appreciate this field enough. Hopefully, I’ll be able to enlighten and inspire people to try this career path and be a part of the tech savvy community.

Wish me luck in my journey!

#career #computer science #information technology #blog post

[toast-the-unknowing]

Hi there, toast. Cutting to the chase: you're one of my favorite writers — not just one of my favorite fanfic writers. your short stories for the raven cycle are some of the funniest, tightest, emotionally devastating, well-crafted works of fiction i've encountered in awhile — better than a lot """"real-world, published"""" stuff. I kind of want to know more about how you got to this point. I think you've mentioned a background in screenwriting? But I don't think that's your day job? 1/?

2/? Really, I'm asking because you seem to have found a way to write regularly — to develop your chops and publish your art in a way that seems emotionally satisfying for you. to an outsider like myself, you seem to have struck a balance between living a life that pays the bills, and artmaking in a way that feeds your soul. you might not feel that way, i don't know. i'm someone who studied writing in college and am now wondering if and how i can still water that seed....

3/? when the reality is i also need to make money to live. i guess i'm curious about your life model right now, and if you're happy with the way you're currently fulfilling yourself creatively. do you want to be a """""published writer""""" someday? is your job one that is also creatively fulfilling, or is it more to pay the bills so that you can do your own creative projects in your free time?

4/4 I know my question isn't very clear, and I'm not sure it's even one question. the point is, i admire you, and you seem to be in a habit of writing creatively, even though i think you have an unrelated day job, and that balance seems mysterious and desirable to me.

Thank you for your kind words, Anon! I have attempted to write something helpful, but it got very long, so I am putting it behind a cut:

Keeping your art alive when you have to work an unrelated job is not easy. Struggling with it does not mean that you're failing, or that it can't be done, or that you won't get better at it down the road. It's also not the sort of thing where you hit equilibrium and it's all smooth sailing from there. I have gotten better at fitting my writing into my life, and I've figured out strategies and coping mechanisms and how to be better at just making myself do it even if I feel "blocked," but there are still stretches of time where it's harder to manage. Those periods don't last forever, and if it sometimes gets worse, it also sometimes gets better.

I suspect you know all of this, Anon, because you sound like a reasonable person and because you balanced writing and schoolwork, which can itself be tricky. I say it anyway because this is exactly the kind of subject where mean little thoughts like to sneak into your head and make you doubt yourself, and I think we could all use a reminder.

There are many writers who will say that you have to write every single day. Often they will say that you have to write at the same time every single day, or that you need to wake up early to write before work. These writers depress and demotivate me, because I don't actually have a writing "habit" in that there's no schedule or daily goal or set of standards involved. Some days I write a lot and some days I don't write at all. Shaming myself about that fact has never been helpful.

What has been helpful: an increased understanding of my writing process. Realizing I don't have to outline? Helpful! Realizing that generating ideas and fleshing out scenes and shaping the arc of a story and making it pretty are all different skills and some days one comes easier than the others? Helpful! Realizing that I tend to have an "a-hah" moment that tells me what the story is about, after which it's easier to write the story? Helpful! Realizing that if I can't think of an adjective or a line of dialogue or a joke, I can just put an asterisk and come back to it later, instead of halting the entire writing process until I come up with it? Helpful!

I don't know if any of these particular things would be helpful to you, because your writing process probably works differently than mine. Somebody out there absolutely does need to outline before they can write, or so I assume from the fact that it is mandated in virtually every book on writing I have ever read. You studied writing in school, so it's possible that you already have a great understanding of your process; it's also possible you have internalized a lot of other people's ideas of what you're writing should look like. Most of what I know about how I write was learned in the last few years, not in school.

It is also possible that you have a good understanding of what your process looks like when that gets to be the thing that takes up the majority of your time. In which case, you probably need to consider your life and your schedule as it is now. I know, for example, that I don't get much writing done of weekend days where I stay in bed late, even though I still end up with more free time than I'd have on a weekday, so if I want to write on a weekend I need to get up. Are there any times of day, or the days of the week, or the places where it is easier to write? What factors make it harder to write? Can you minimize those factors? When you can't, because you livelihood depends on them, can you acknowledge them as a fact of life and forgive yourself for being affected by them?

It's unpleasant but undeniable that working impacts writing. We aren't able to spend the time we'd like to on writing. We don't have the energy and focus that we had in school, when our writing was our main responsibility. Now our primary responsibility is making enough money to survive, and if that makes us sad to think about, well, it's only going to make us sadder if on top of that we try to hold ourselves to the amount of writing we'd do if that weren't true.

It isn’t strictly a numbers game where more time = more writing, which I think can be reassuring for those of us who don’t get as much time as we’d like for writing. I was unemployed or working part-time for the entirety of 2016 and I did not do more writing in 2016 than I am now. I had more time, but I was much more of a mess, as a person, and I wasn't as dedicated to writing. In a counter-intuitive way, I think it can help to have creative outlets besides writing. It does take time away from something that you already don’t get as much time as you want to do, but it means that you have a place to be creative even when the words aren't coming, a place with less pressure and lower stakes. I've done improv pretty casually for the last couple of years, and aside from the fact that I think improv in particular can be extremely helpful for writers, it means that when I've been unhappy with my writing, I could show up to improv and do a silly voice or shuffle around in a crabwalk and know that I had created something.

These are some things that have helped me write while also working: Improv. Mindfulness about writing. Mindfulness about life in general. Prioritizing my writing (guys, I watch so much less television than I used to). Therapy and medication, to be honest. Remembering why I am excited about the projects that I’m working on. Giving myself freedom to start new stories while also encouraging myself to finish old ones. Having an audience to share things with, because it is hard to write without knowing that anyone will ever read what you are pouring so much of yourself into.

It has taken me a few days to answer this, Anon, because I wanted to give a considered response, and also just because adult life! so busy! I keep coming back to the questions of whether I am emotionally satisfied with the writing I am doing, and whether I have a good balance between my writing and my work. Because I really think that I am creatively satisfied right now, and if I am mostly aware of that most of the time, I don't know that I'd really phrased it like that to myself before. If I had then I had forgotten it. And it's a powerful and wonderful thing to be able to say that to myself.

I have a degree in screenwriting, but I have never made a career of it and am not pursuing one now. The dream used to be writing for television. Before that the dream was to be a traditionally published author. Now...I don't know what the dream is. I would like to do original work again some day. I have a novel in my head that is very important to me, whose characters helped me get through some hard times, and I want to give that novel the life that it deserves. I would like to do something with my screenwriting degree at some point, although it will likely never make me money. Sometimes it feels like failure that I don't have a new dream, and that I gave up on the old ones. But for the most part, for now, I'm very happy writing fanfiction. I've written a lot of stories, particularly in the last few years, that I am very proud of.

But I don't actually have a good balance between art and work, inasmuch as my art makes me happy and my work...doesn't. I have a low-level office job in a field that I'm not passionate about or well-suited for. I don't get out of my job a lot of the things that I do get out of writing -- challenge, investment, a chance to be creative, self-direction, fulfillment, purpose. I have never worked a job where I got any of those things, and it is starting to wear me down.

To be fair: "my job pays me a decent wage and gives me great health insurance but it isn't satisfying" is a privileged thing to complain about, and I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that some people handle these situations just fine, that some people don’t mind a job that demands a minimum of energy and time since that leaves them more to put into their art. You may be one of these people! I am discovering that I am not. Getting no sense of accomplishment from my job contributes negatively to my overall mental and emotional health, which is sucky all on its own, but has the additional effect of impacting my writing.

It's a tricky problem, though. I don't, at present, want to make a living off of writing (and such a career would be precarious), but my current resume and skill set doesn't qualify me for much of anything besides the work I'm already doing (thanks, screenwriting degree). Any attempt to find a job that's more fulfilling would likely involve a big investment of time, money, and/or effort in some kind of school and training, and then...I'd be in a job that demanded more from me, and even if it made me happier than my current job does, how much would that leave me to put into my writing?

I don't know if any of this has been helpful to you. It is perhaps not a clear answer to a question that felt clear when I read it but that my mind muddled up along the way. You may find that once you hit a balance between writing and working, you don't mind the day job grind in the same way I do. You may decide that you do want to pursue writing as a career. You may still be figuring out the employment situation at all and my woes may be worse than irrelevant.

But the timing of this ask is funny; I am soon going to apply to an educational program that would prepare me for a new career in a totally different field, and the thought of how this will impact my writing has very much been on my mind. In the past when I've thought about doing anything like this, that question has kept me from going forward: won't that be less of your time, less of your energy, less of you for your writing? I think this is a real concern with a basis in truth: if I get into this program I am going to have a lot less time and energy for anything outside of it, and I will need to again adjust my expectations of what my writing can look like in my circumstances. But I think that this question is also fear and perfectionism talking, using my writing as a weapon against me, and I'm tired of it.

Balance is a funny thing. I'm actually terrible at basically anything that requires balance: biking, rollerskating, gymnastics, ice skating, you name it. I don't see how anyone pulls it off. You can lean too far one way only to fall over the other way when you try to even out. You can take a turn and suddenly the road is uphill or downhill or bumpy, and whatever you were doing before to stay upright isn't cutting it. You can be going along just fine and then, for absolutely no reason, you're wobbling all over the place. But you can also do a hell of a lot of wobbling without ever falling down.

I think it's just about...paying attention to what's happening around you. Paying attention to what you're feeling and what you want. Not getting fooled by something you're supposed to want if you don't actually want it. Figuring out the things that you need, and the things that would make your life better, and the things that you'd like, and prioritize those accordingly.

I sure hope that's how it works, at least, because that's all I've got. I might royally fuck up my life in the next couple of months, but if I do, I'll adjust and keep going. It can't be any worse than fucking ice skating.

Best of luck, Anon.

#writing #Anonymous