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cinnajun · 2 years

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ᵕ̈ ೫˚∗: something new | ljn

summary | in a freak chance, your boss’ top makeup artist falls ill right before new york fashion week, and you’re the only intern who could even begin to take over for her. so, you spend a couple of days as lee jeno’s personal makeup artist.

genre | lee jeno x fem! reader, idolverse/real world, nyfw! jeno x makeup artist! reader, (emotional) fling-ish…i realized i didn't tag this w an actual genre its like angst-ish with a bit of fluff lol

warnings | there’s like one suggestive line, y/n had an embarrassing kpop phase in high school

wc | 4.4k

a/n: i literally need to be sedated. his heels … his heels … HIS HEELS … i need a lobotomy rn fr. shout out to my bff for life rin for getting me through the past two days

ft. people i made up

YOU FELT LIKE PASSING OUT.

Thank god you were relatively close with Stella, because, if you weren’t, you’d probably have been trampled a long time ago. It had taken nearly an hour to even get into the hotel due to the scale of fame most of its residents had, and, even after you’d made it in, making it to the room where you’d be working was even harder. Being an intern makeup artist for a fashion brand was fun, up until you’d actually had to go to an important event.

Quickly, you took out your bottle of water, taking a few sips before you really did throw up. When you’d originally been told about this, about your emergency subbing in, you’d felt over the moon—now, you wanted nothing more than to go to your dingy little apartment in Newark and watch a random reality TV show.

“I want to go home.”

“Oh, come on,” Stella groaned, looking at you. You envied her nonchalance, but her lowballing of your anxiety upset you quite a bit—she’d been doing this for ten years, and you were an intern who’d been doing it for four months. “Bossman said he was going to give you someone easy, yeah? Probably a guy. Someone who only needs light foundation and enhancement. Be glad you aren’t Yuri.”

Yuri, one of your other superiors, was taking over for the best makeup artist in your lineup. Two days ago, she’d produced a shiny, new, positive COVID test, leaving your entire team in shambles—and, given the short amount of time, they had to fall back on the interns. They had to fall back on you.

Finally, you made it to your destination—the front of a line to get into the hotel room. The security guard motioned to see your IDs, which both you and Stella produced with ease. The moment he verified, he stepped out of the way, allowing you to enter a world of absolute, utter chaos. People ran around with safety pins and eyeshadow pallets, and you could’ve sworn you heard yelling.

Luckily, your boss had been waiting for you both, it seemed. “Girls!” he exclaimed, coming up and placing a hand on both of your shoulders. “So glad you’ve arrived. Welcome to your first fashion week, [First]! Play your cards right and you can get a permanent hire, I’ll bet.”

“Yeah,” you said, laughing nervously. Your boss patted your shoulder twice, giving you an almost nostalgic smile.

“Stella, you’re over with the women, as always. Have fun! [First], you speak Korean, right?”

You furrowed your brows, wondering why this was relevant. “Uh, yeah?”

Your boss removed his hand from your shoulder, clapping excitedly. “Lovely! I’m giving you a very, very special job that not even Miss-COVID-Positive could pull off.”

He sidestepped past you, and you paused, blinking a couple times before you spun around and rushed to catch up with him. He walked right out the door you’d just waited nearly twenty minutes to enter, strutting down the hall in red-bottomed heels and the most expensive suit you’d ever seen. You struggled to keep up, suddenly feeling self-conscious about the less-than-fancy clothes you were wearing (black sweats that looked like dress pants and a loose t-shirt); then again, Stella had looked worse for wear than you had.

“Where are we going?”

“Peter Do has a very special guest this year, and we need a Korean speaker to follow him around and make sure he looks perfect during the whole event. There’s worry he might not have the easiest time making it around as most of the models do.”

You wondered what that meant. Jokingly, you asked, “Is an idol coming, or something?”

Your boss didn’t respond, he just kept walking, stopping once you reached the elevator. He swiftly pressed the “up” button, waiting for the elevator to finally appear. You stopped next to him, more nerves rising in your stomach. “Sir, please don’t tell me I��m going to have to follow a k-pop idol around.”

“Why? Is that bad?”

You cringed, remembering your high school days—you’d been obsessed, listening to every group under the sun and spending your free time tweeting about those same groups. As such, you knew more than a little bit about how idol lives were, and what they had to endure.

“People are taking pictures of them for every single second they’re out and about,” you said, beginning to overthink as you stepped into the elevator. Your boss pressed the 15th-floor button, but you barely cared, at that point. “One mistake, one slightly-off line, and it’ll be documented forever. Forever, boss. What do I do then? Sit and cry? I’ll never survive that. And if people see me with them? What if there are, like…weird rumors?”

“You’re overreacting,” your boss said. The elevator doors slid open faster than you could comprehend that you were going up, and, suddenly, your boss was emerging into the hall. You, once again, nearly got left behind, stumbling out of the elevator to try and stay with him. This floor was incredibly quiet, with not a single sound echoing through the halls. It was eerie. You would’ve thought it would make you feel better, but it hadn’t—at all.

He stopped in front of room 1567 and knocked. You stood behind him, almost hiding as the door swung open to reveal a woman in her early 30s if you had to guess. “Come, come!” she exclaimed, stepping out of the way to let you in. You followed your boss, a sense of dread overtaking you.

And then you made eye contact with Lee Jeno.

He was standing in the middle of the room in front of a huge mirror, with three people fussing over his outfit. You stood there in shock, flashbacks of being a 16-year-old girl and fussing over “Chewing Gum” filling your mind, and your very short time as an NCT fan. He was just as gorgeous as you’d remembered him being, with jet black hair and a physique any man would die for. You looked over his outfit, impressed with what Peter Do had done, and—

He was shirtless.

You looked away almost instantly, feeling your cheeks burn at the realization. You decided to tune into your boss’ conversation with who you’d assumed to be Jeno’s manager as they talked vigorously. “[First] is our best intern, and is essentially already part of our team, so I wouldn’t worry. She’s also fluent in Korean, something Stella was not, and will be able to heed anything the client wants or doesn’t want. I wouldn’t worry at all.”

“Lovely,” his manager said, turning to you. “We have a little area for you to get set up if our preliminary setup wasn’t to your liking. We have a few instructions for what the designer is looking for as well. After his appearance tonight, we’d like you to demo tomorrow’s look so that we can accept or deny anything. He’s nearly done with outfitting, so it shouldn’t be long.”

It was standard protocol, stuff you’d heard every time you shadowed Stella or Yuri at similar events, yet you felt like you didn’t understand a thing. Nevertheless, you smiled and nodded, bidding goodbye to your boss and following her to your station.

They’d set it up perfectly, allowing everything to be easily grabbed among a sea of products and tools. There was a sleek, black chair in front of you, and you were easily able to lower it to a better height for you. His manager left, and you sat in the bathroom, alone.

The first thing you did was take out your phone and enter a mostly unused group chat that hailed from your high school days. The last time someone had talked was last year, and it was discussing how an old classmate was already married with two kids—they were not gonna believe this one.

“My client for New York Fashion Week is Lee Jeno from NCT.”

Instantly, texts began flooding in, ones of disbelief and shock.

“No fucking way, you liar!!!”

“Make him fall in love with you!!!”

“Kiss him for me omg.”

You smiled, giggling at your phone. Then, the sound of heels clacking on the ground like mini-earthquakes caused you to practically throw your phone on the counter. You dropped your purse next to it, standing up straight and hoping you didn’t look too much like a deer in headlights. He walked in, wearing the most intense heels you’d ever seen and, once again, not wearing a shirt.

“Hello,” he greeted, and your mind immediately switched over to Korean-mode. You hoped you wouldn’t fail at speaking it, given you hadn’t spoken it much since you’d started working this job.

“Hi!” you exclaimed, hoping you didn’t sound too idiotic. “Um, go ahead and sit down, and we can start.”

He nodded, following your orders to the T. His manager stepped in, leaning against the door while she scrolled on his phone. You picked up a piece of paper, reading over what today’s directions were.

Natural with a slight enhancement of features, exactly like Stella had said. You could do that easy-peasy.

“Is there anything in particular you want me to focus on?” you asked, picking up the sheerest foundation they had. It was certainly a shade too light—you nearly frowned at this, but kept your composure—but you hoped the transparency of it would obscure that.

Jeno thought for a moment before shaking his head, smiling at you. “Do whatever you think is best.”

“All right,” you nodded. “Oh! By the way, I’m [First], and I’m your main makeup artist for this week.”

“It’s nice to meet you,” he replied, relaxing in the chair. “I’m glad I’ll have one familiar face around.”

“Me too.” You began to paint the foundation onto his face, basking in the moment of shock you went through. You were doing Lee Jeno’s makeup—Lee Jeno, who you’d fawned over and loved all throughout your high school years.

“You’re new to this?” he asked, looking at you while not moving his face at all. You swear your heart palpitated at his question, even if it was a meaningless formality more than it was actual curiosity.

“Um, I guess? I’ve been interning for about eight months now. Hoping for an official position once the year-long residency is up,” you said, laughing nervously for the ninetieth time today. “You’ve been doing this for six years now, right?”

Jeno’s eyes widened for a split second, and you wondered if that had been the wrong thing to say. You doubted he wanted to hear that you were an NCT fan way back when, given how awful the sasaeng presence was for his group.

“Wow, you know?” and a smile blossomed on his face, causing your heart to beat even faster. “I didn’t think I’d run into anyone who knew NCT while I was here.”

“Oh, give me a break,” you said, putting your foundation brush down and picking up an eyeshadow palette. “NCT are huge. Up there in terms of international fame. I’ll bet most—if not all—people here know who NCT are or have heard the name. Plus, a bunch of people will come to see you. Promise.”

God, you probably sounded immature and awful as you said that. You finished lightly outlining his natural features with a very light brown, uncomfortably setting down the palette. Suddenly, an idea came to you, and you hoped it didn’t look too stupid.

“I guess you’re right,” Jeno finally said, his smile dropping in the slightest. He must’ve been nervous; you would have been too. In a new country, alone, with none of the seven people you’d spent your whole adolescence with…you’d be horrified too.

You scoured the cart for any sort of brown eyeliner, feeling a bit calmer knowing Jeno didn't think you were an embarrassing idiot. Taking the brown eyeliner, you paused, biting your lip.

“Um, would you mind if I kind of…held your face for a second? It would just be a second, not too long or anything.”

“No, no.” Jeno shook his head. “Go right ahead.”

Softly, you pressed your fingers against his face, trying to keep your hand as steady as possible. You gently pulled his skin, widening the range in which the eyeliner could reach. His skin was impossibly soft, and you could only begin to wonder how long his morning routines must have been. He was perfect.

As cleanly as possible, you pressed the tip of the eyeliner to the beauty mark right under his eye, filling it in as dark as possible. That was his most noticeable and memorable feature, in your opinion, and having it stand out seemed ideal to you.

You pulled away, staring at his face for a second. He almost looked better before you’d started, but you shook off the feeling and smiled. “I’m just gonna put on some tinted lip balm and you’ll be on your way.”

You picked up the small tube, twisting it up so that the slightest bit would protrude from it. You placed your fingers on his face to steady your hands once again, gently brushing on the light pink gel.

If you were insane enough, you would have kissed him.

“You’re all good!” you announced, smiling. “Go out there and wow the world in your 90cm heels.”

He chuckled at your joke, standing and instantly towering over you. You practically had to look straight up to see him comfortably. “I’ll see you soon, [First].”

He and his manager left the room, leaving you alone. You assumed you should just wait until he returned, so you sat down in the makeup chair, basking in the warmth he’d left behind.

—

To no one’s surprise, you’d fallen in love—or, had a really intense crush on—with Lee Jeno over the two days you’d worked for him.

Every time you were left alone with him, taking his makeup off or retouching it before he went back out into the world, he fired questions at you and you fired them back. You felt like you’d known Jeno for years, even if it had only been two days.

When he left, you knew he’d stop thinking about you, too—in a world surrounded by the country’s most beautiful people, you didn’t stand a chance at occupying even a sliver of his mind. Or, maybe you did; maybe your absolute unremarkableness in a sea of greats stood out to him.

You saw him walk in through his reflection in the mirror, alone, manager not in tow. He wasn’t supposed to be here, so you didn’t move from the makeup chair, simply looking up from your phone and staring at him through his reflection. “Did something happen?” you asked, finally looking towards him. A simple sweep of his face showed no flaws in his makeup, so he had no reason to be here. “I don’t see anything wrong.”

“Will you meet with me tonight?” he finally asked, looking at you with a sort of desperation in his eyes. “I want to see you before I leave. I won’t be back in tonight. My manager’s about to come tell you that you’re free to go home, but…please don’t go home.”

You sighed, thinking about how idiotic it would be to ride the train home, alone, to Newark at night. If you were thinking reasonably, you should’ve said no. If you were thinking reasonably, you would’ve considered the chance that all eyes were on Jeno right now, and being caught sneaking into his hotel room past 7pm would have resulted in your face all over the internet.

“What time?”

“If you’re okay waiting, I’m staying at this hotel, so…I could let you into my room after my manager tells you. Room 1911 on the nineteenth floor. Okay?”

You should’ve said no. You really should’ve said no.

Instead, you nodded, mumbling a quiet “okay.” The smile that appeared on his face after that was brighter than you’d ever seen him smile over the past two days, and, with that, he disappeared from the room. You picked your phone up off your lap, wondering what your friend would say to you after hearing all of that.

“Girl, bring a pen,” she joked, causing you to roll your eyes.

“Nothing’s gonna happen. I won’t be signing any NDAs. I’m not going to initiate anything, and I won’t let him initiate anything. We live thousands of miles away from each other, and I don’t want to kill myself with emotion.”

“You say that…” your friend trailed off, giggling. “Well, I guess I should hang up then. Seems like the manager is coming to let you down gently—d’ya think she knows?”

“I hope to god she doesn’t.”

The line went dead, and you slowly lowered your phone from your ear, staring at the wall. If you could sit down in a room with your sixteen-year-old self and tell her, “In six years, you’ll be having an emotional fling with Lee Jeno from NCT,” she’d laugh and call you too lame for that.

Just like it was forewarned, Jeno’s manager came in with a smile on her face and a small, pink gift bag in her hands. “[First],” she began, watching as you stood up from the chair to face her. She handed you the small bag, which had an interesting sort of heft to it—you wondered what it was. “I’m happy to let you know that we’re done for today, and you’re officially relieved of your duties. I’ve let your boss know that you did a wonderful job for us and for Jeno, and to certainly consider upping your position from intern to an official employee.”

“Thank you so much,” you smiled, half-bowing. “I’m thrilled to have the opportunity, and I had a wonderful time working for you.”

“Well then,” she said, wiping her hands together. “You’re off! Have a safe trip home, and treat yourself well!”

“Thank you!”

And you slipped out the door, practically running towards the elevator. You bobbed and weaved through people in the halls and realized it would be a better idea to take the stairs up, so that’s exactly what you did. The sheer adrenaline of sneaking up to a top idol’s room fueled you to keep going up and up, even if it felt like the air had been suffocated from your lungs.

Each new step made you feel more insane. This bond you’d formed with a boy you barely knew—it felt ridiculous. It felt dangerous. Nevertheless, you kept going—up, and up, and up. Up, towards an impending doom you could’ve avoided.

Reaching the door with the big nineteen on it must’ve been what people felt like when they reached an oasis in the desert. You pushed the door open with ragged breaths and a weak physique, trudging down the hall with heavy legs. You counted the numbers on the doors, finding yourself at the one in the middle of a dead-end hall.

1911. You knocked twice, and the door was thrown up—Jeno grabbed your arm and tugged you inside, slamming the door shut behind you. “Not to hold you captive or anything,” he said sheepishly, looking through the peephole of the door. “But you need to stay here until, um, 7ish? You can watch TV or something. The room’s already been swept for bugs, so feel comfortable…okay? I’ll be back.”

Someone knocked on the door, and you wondered whether or not you would’ve been dead meat if you hadn’t been fueled by pure adrenaline as you walked up the stairs.

“Jeno! We need you now!”

Jeno ushered you out of sight from the door, grabbing his keycard off the decorative table that sat near the door. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, half-nodding at you. You both stared at each other for a second, with you still trying to catch your breath from your 7-flight hike up here.

Then, without any warning, Jeno walked up to you, grabbed your shoulders, and pressed a feathery kiss to your lips. It was fast, chaste, too quick for you to understand what was happening before someone was banging on the door again and he was rushing out to meet them.

The door slammed shut behind him, and you stood there, wondering what in the world you’d done to deserve this.

–

It was 7:30 now, and Jeno hadn’t shown up. You were beginning to get antsy, making sure the curtains obscured the whole room every twenty minutes and attempting to focus on the TV show you decided on. Of course, it never worked, and you were constantly picking up your phone and trying to find anything to keep yourself occupied.

So, when the door opened and a boy with 5-and-a-half-inch heels stepped inside, you felt a sudden wave of relief rush through you in waves. You stood up from the bed, letting your phone fall onto the duvet as you watched him walk deeper into the room. Jeno practically ripped the shoes off, sighing in relief now that he was finally free from the heels.

“Sorry,” he said, a bit out of breath. You would be too if you had to walk in those heels.

“For what?”

“Earlier.” You mentally took yourself through those chain of events, remembering the first 30-minutes of alone time in which you had attempted to process it, and then the succeeding 3-and-a-half hours in which you had tried to forget it. “I didn’t ask.”

“Um, it’s okay,” you said, trying not to shrink into yourself. “I didn’t mind that much.”

If you were more honest, you would’ve said, “It haunted me a bit, but then I learned to live with the shock.” Were you angry? Not at all. Was being kissed by a celebrity, an idol with a manicured personality, that you were in love with in high school shocking and hard to process? Yes.

You sat down on the edge of the bed, turning away as Jeno pulled his fancy polo shirt over his head and opted to change into an SM Town concert t-shirt. When the rustling of clothes was over, you looked to see him in complete lounge wear rather than just a new shirt, and now you were thinking about how Lee Jeno changed in the same room as you.

He took a seat next to you on the edge of the bed, and it was silent again. You could practically feel the warmth radiating off of him, or maybe it was your mind making it up simply because you were so close to him. Your heart was beating out of your chest, and you felt like shoving your face into a pillow and screaming like a teenage girl.

“Look,” he started, suddenly turning towards you. You half-mimicked his action, knowing that, if you looked him in the eye, you’d practically melt. “I don’t know why, but I feel like I’ve known you my entire life. I feel like I was always meant to cross paths with you, like—like it was destined, or something. I know it’s only been two days, and I know I’m flying across the world tomorrow, but can we please keep in touch?”

You cleared your throat and, inexplicably, you felt like crying. This felt impossible—no amount of bad sleep schedules and bad planning would keep you two in the know with each other. And, every time he came back to New York, you’d repeat this cycle over and over again. Even then, you couldn’t bring yourself to say no.

“I guess, but…” you felt bad feeling him relax and then immediately tense up again beside you. Mustering up all of your courage, you turned towards him completely, locking eyes. “You have to promise me you won’t forget about me and leave me cold turkey, okay? My life isn’t like yours. It’s slower. It’s easier to build connections. So, if you…if you just promise—”

“I promise,” he cut you off, faster than you could even comprehend it. Once again, he cupped your face in his hands, looking at you with such gorgeous eyes that you could’ve passed out right then and there. He was the son of Aphrodite, the living manifestation of pure and unbridled beauty, the type you can't contest even if you wanted to. He was everything you were not, and, yet, he still seemed so infatuated with you.

“Okay.”

Jeno pressed his forehead against yours, and for a moment, you just stood there. You draped your arms around his neck, and, for a moment, you just sat there. Basking in the presence of each other, something you wouldn’t get for a long time after tonight. If there even was an “after tonight,” that is—there was always the chance that you’d never hear from Lee Jeno again after this, and you’d fade away into nothing but a memory in his mind.

Or, maybe it was the opposite. Maybe you’d talk every day, sending pictures and calling when viable. Maybe you’d look at makeup artist listings at SM Entertainment without telling, applying and destroying the whole world you’d worked so hard to build here in New York. Maybe you’d send him a picture of you on a plane and a time, and you’d fly, and you’d land, and you’d be met with him in his full glory.

Maybe you’d have one of those romance-movie moments, the type of moment you’d see on a Hallmark Christmas movie, where you ran and hugged each other, where he lifted you off the ground and spun you around. Where you kissed amongst a huge crowd of people, trying to get to their final destination and glaring at you stopping in the middle of the walkway.

Or, maybe you were delusional. You didn’t care, because, as Jeno connected his lips with yours for the second time tonight, much slower and more thought out, you couldn’t help but think that maybe—just maybe—this was something new.

thank you for reading!

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murdrdocs · 3 months

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celeste I’m dying and need help (this is super fucking long I’m actually so sorry)

so this guy that I’ve been friends with since literally 8th fucking grade likes me and asked me to go out with him but I don’t like him back but I’m too scared to reject him because I’m the type of person to feel AWFUL if I hurt someone’s feelings. Everyone tells me that it’s not my problem and that I shouldn’t feel bad but like I CANT.

I really wished I liked him bc he’s super sweet and literally said he’d buy me sour patch kids and give them to me when we go out (but I feel bad when people buy things/do nice things for me too) and I’ve been trying to give him so many hints by either straight up avoiding him when he asks me out (this is all over text btw) and I also told him “if I wanted sour patch kids, yk id get them myself. plus I feel bad when people buy things for me” and he’s like persistent on it.

and to make it worse, he got rejected by a different girl a few months ago and literally cried. me and my friends (cause he’s in our friend group) were like “comforting him” (basically telling him she wasn’t worth his time bc she was kinda rude abt rejecting him) and stuff like that, so I don’t wanna hurt him again.

he knows I had a toxic ex but doesn’t know the full extent, and bc of that ex, I’ve literally not had a crush since him bc he traumatized me.

anyways I genuinely tried summarizing this super quick but I’m sorry it got so long, I understand if you don’t want to respond/read the whole thing, but if you do then thank you!!! <333 (sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes I’m just panicking rn and my autocorrect is working overtime)

-‼️

okay i'm gonna give it to u so straight: u gotta bite the bullet man. i get that ur empathetic but think abt this, if u do go out w him your feelings are most likely not going to change. then you'll be stuck, eventually he'll figure out/find out that u don't rlly like him. and it'll be a massive gigantic shit of a mess.

it sucks and it can be a sticky situation but the only way you'll get out of it is by being honest and putting ur foot down so to speak. plus it'll suck for a little while but if he's a good and true friend, he'll eventually move on and you guys will be just Friends again. and you can't be upset abt it forever like actually. you'll feel bad for a little while but eventually your body/mind will do what it needs to and you'll be okay again.

as for going abt it, avoidance neverrrr works in my experience. (been there trust) you have to tell him straight up that u dont want him. and if he is still persistent, then that's a major red flag (also trust me) and u do not want that in ur life.

also also, ppl get hurt unfortunately that is a part of life. if u don't hurt him, someone else will (sounds bad but it's true) and u aren't responsible for other ppl's feelings/how they react. all u can do is live ur truth and look out for no. 1.

anyway i hoped this helped? i am ... not the best at giving advice pertaining to men/guys/boy species without being a bitch abt it but i truly did try to set aside my erm ... dislike to help u. but get other advice too and ultimately go w ur gut (and ur head be logical but not too logical)

#it'll all work out eventually dw #celeste’s chats #–𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 ‼️

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arkhamknightz · 2 years

Text

i didn’t mean it

↳ in which, after a bad week you’re feeling extra clingy and get into a fight with steve

pronouns: they/them

warnings: death mention, angst, asshole steve but he doesnt really mean it, bad written angst, happy ending everyone is happy kinda mostly

notes: i love like hurt fics like this and wanted to make one move over i will probably make a billion of these. also this was rushed Smile

you had been dealing with a lot. a close friend yours hadn’t seen in months had passed away and with everything with the upside down going on you had been stressed out. your boyfriend steve had been busy as well, you hadn’t seen him for the last two weeks getting nothing but short calls whenever either of you had free time.

steve’s smile slowly faded as you cuddled into him for the 5th time in the last 3 minutes, seemingly trying to get closer to him than you already were. (if that was even possible.) he usually wouldve loved the attention, throwing his arm around you and pressing against you. but, he had gotten into a few arguments with some customers today, leaving him upset.

as you went to lay your head on his chest in a different position due to your neck starting to hurt. he pushed away, and you looked at him curiously. “is everything okay?” something inside him suddenly snapped. “why the hell are you being so clingy? god i don’t need you rubbing all over me every 5 seconds.”

the small smile plastered on your face slowly faded, his words sinking into your skin like tiny needles. “what? im not being clingy a-” he cut you off. “oh cut the bullshit. you’ve barely let go of me since you got here. if i knew you were gonna be this clingy today i wouldve told you i was busy again.”

his words felt like venom. “we haven’t spent time together in weeks?” you looked at him teary eyed. you weren’t sure if it was the look in your were giving him or the mention of your lack of time spent together but he quickly spoke up. “that doesn’t automatically mean cling onto me like some sort of lost puppy! god, cant you just stay off me for 5 minutes?”

without speaking you quickly got up off the couch, tears streaming down your face faster than you could notice. you slipped on your slippers and got in your car. steve quickly getting up to stop you. “wait no i didnt mean it-” but you were already gone.

—

“steve hey! whats going on you look like shit.” robin spoke as he walked into work. “nothing don’t worry.” it had been 3 days since you and steve fought, he tried calling your house but nobody ever picked up the phone.

“oh um alright well theres a pile of tapes that need to be stocked- oh, before i forget tell y/n im sorry about their loss, they must’ve taken the news so hard i mean i only recently found out but-” steve furrowed his brow as she spoke. “what do you mean?” robin looked at him. “you didnt hear? um you remember their friend they had invited to their birthday?”

steve nodded. you grew up an hour outside of hawkins, moving in during 8th grade year. you invited your best friend from your hometown to your birthday where they met all your friends. “well um, they passed away recently.” steve’s face fell. “how long ago was this?” robin sat for a moment. “by now? almost 2 weeks id say.” “shit!” robin looked at steve as he frantically paced around the room.

“whats wrong?” steve looked up at robin, guilt flooded on his features. “me and y/n got in a fight 3 days ago. i was really pissed off cause of those customers who came in and they were all over me the entire time they were over. i mean usually i wouldve been fine with it but i was so pissed off i yelled at them.” his voice got smaller as robin looked at him angrily.

“you didn’t think to fix this steve? god you’re such an asshole- ill cover for you. i don’t wanna hear anything come out of your mouth until you fix what you did. now go.” steve nodded in thanks, quickly running out the store to his car.

he stopped in front of your house, quickly turning off his car and walking to your front door nervously. he knocked on the door and took in your appearance as you opened it. your eyes were swollen, tear stains clearly covering your cheeks. your hair had been styled the way you usually had it when you were feeling lazy.

he pulled you into a tight hug. “im so sorry. im so sorry i didn’t mean it. didn’t mean a single thing i said to you.” his heart ached as your shoulders shook, your grip tightening around him as you cried.

“im so sorry. i heard what happened, im so sorry i wasnt there for you. im sorry it took me so long to come see you, i tried calling but i knew you probably didn’t wanna see me.” he rubbed your back as you cried into his chest. he pressed small kisses to your forehead, continuing to hold onto you tightly.

he heard a muffled. “shouldn’t you be at work?” he chuckled. “robins covering for me. i needed to come see you, can i come in?” you nodded against his chest and he ushered you inside, pulling you close to him on the couch letting you cry.

“i didn’t mean what i said about you being clingy. i was having a rough day, customers were being assholes and i took it out on you and im sorry about that. i cant imagine how you must feel and i never thought to ask you what was wrong and thats my fault. i should’ve noticed.”

you went to speak but he cut you off. “i love how touchy you are, i love getting to cuddle you after work. and im sorry i’ve been so busy the past two weeks with my job. i promise ill try to spend as much time with you as i can alright?” he spoke softly to you. he smiled softly as you lifted your head, letting out a small nod.

“i love you.”

“i love you too.”

“im sorry.”

“was i really being that clingy?”

steve looked at you and saw the sad look on your face. it had hit you harder than he had realized and he took your hands in his, looking at you as he spoke.

“i love you. okay? look at me, i promise you weren’t being clingy. not at all. im just an asshole who took my anger out on you and im sorry. i love how much you touch me, i love how in the car even if we aren’t holding hands properly your pinky’s linked with mine. i love all the little things you do.”

you nodded up at steve with tears brimming in your eyes. he pulled you into a hug and you both sat there in silence. “wanna finish that movie?” he looked down at you. “mmhm”

#steve harrington i love you so badly #steve harrington my beloved #steve harrington angst #steve harrington imagines #steve harrington x reader #steve harrington #stranger things angst #stranger things x reader #stranger things imagines #joe keery x reader #joe keery #joe keery angst #joe keery fanfiction

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girlwithfish · 3 months

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sorry idk if u literally wanted someone's opinion so if not u can ignore this:

imo he's mostly in the wrong but i can see where he's coming from to an extent? not that i condone his behavior or words at all, bc it seems pretty shitty and tone deaf of him from what you've revealed. rather i think it's bound to be messy to rush into a relationship directly after ending a previous one, especially an abusive one. from his perspective i can see that it's probably a lot of responsibility and pressure for a partner to take on so early in the relationship. like u guys are still just getting to know each other, u know what i mean?

but i think that kinda falls on him and he should've known better, bc it seems like he wanted to move things very quickly and rush into gf/bf territory knowing your recent past and vulnerability. and now he is getting annoyed bc it's not the cake walk he thought it would be. i believe u mentioned he's older too which makes it worse. i can't help but be confused by how he's acting... like i agree w/ u that he is unnecessarily making it about him and expecting you to magically get over your trauma after only a few weeks. what did he think would happen?

i wouldn't blame u if u broke up with him bc i think u deserve to be drama free and heal and live ur best life rn. wishing u the best and i hope u don't mind this message.

thanks for the input! yeah i was actually asking haha. just weird bc ive been pretty transparent and open about still dealing w stuff and not being "over" my trauma. i feel like hes underestimating the effects of abuse and thought id "get over it" even saying he thought id get over my ex the more i was with him which is weird. especially in the beginning when he seemed understanding and presented himself that way. and i think that hes conflating me not being over trauma w not being over a typical breakup which is strange to me and i felt he hasnt been very empathetic toward me. i get its a lot of responsibility but idg why he wanted to date me then or he thought itd just be easy.. just weird mixed signals from him and lack of understanding. like him suddenly being upset w me for sleeping when hes repeatedly told me he doesnt mind. and i feel im not asking him for much or i dont use him as emotional support much or really even talk about my trauma or ex this month (in the beginning we both talked abt our past relationships a lot but stopped) besides the one time a few days ago when my exs mother reached out to me and i was upset for maybe 30min to an hr when we talked abt it and he offered his input which i found unhelpful Idk. and this was triggered all by him asking how i am ystrdy and i said im not doing the best but im getting by and said i didnt need to talk abt it tho and then he said hes seeing me decline bc i still ruminate over trauma and said some weird stuff abt how he feels hes contributing and idek i said im just in a weird place rn and im working through it and then also brought up relationship stuff btwn us how i feel hes not putting as much effort to show he cares and he kind of blamed it on my sleep schedule then went on a whole thing abt me and my trauma and how hes realizing its serious trauma i "need to sit with" and idk i dont feel hes being very kind or understanding and just presumptuous about my own situation. if he didnt wanna be w someone in my situation he shouldn't have dated me and acted like he wants a relationship and "loves" me when he barely knows me. also hes the same age as me

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csaventing · 7 months

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hi it’s the anon that keeps blaming themself for online grooming in your asks. i just today realised it might have actually traumatised me even though it feels so stupid because it was just months of online texts when i was 12.

cause like… my attachment style is extremely secure. i draw extremely clear boundaries, do overly honest communication, will actually just tell people head on what i think about them including if i’m crushing on them, but recently someone flirted with me sexually online and i instantly responded positively.

i didn’t say no to a single thing. it got me into so much stuff i’m uncomfortable with, i told them i would try it once and see if i like it to postpone having to say no and almost spiraled multiple times trying to explain myself and have an excuse for why i’m not saying yes and going along with it.

the entire time i was playing out the same intrusive thought over and over and over of them going “you slut, you don’t get to say no when you’ve already said yes” “why’d you say yes then?” “you don’t know what you want” “you’re irresponsible” “blocked” and i have ocd but i swear it never gets this bad and it almost never happens with relationships im so healthy with attachment usually.

so it’s just… sexual issues? caused by my grooming? because he would lash out and argue with me if i tried to avoid being sexual whenever he wanted? and id be too scared to not send sexual texts every single day?? so i guess it’s just sexual trauma?? am i being dramatic??

i’m also sad because the guy from recently was hot. but i feel like i ruined everything by being too scared to say no and now i’m running away from everything. i was so upset that i just kept dodging i swear this isn’t how i usually act. i scolded my boyfriend for crossing a boundary of mine (that was the first time he did it dw) and very clearly communicated just a few days ago and got him to apologise. it’s just sex that gets me to freeze up to a goddamn online text.

i feel so pathetic. i’m sorry for using your blog as my personal trauma diary, like i said my friends see him as just an ex so i only feel safe talking about how it affected me here. i’ll add an emoji so i don’t accidentally ruin anyone else’s image here. stay safe. you guys are cool. 🍡

You are not being dramatic and this sounds traumatic. One of my online grooming stuff was so similar to what you describe and we are really affected by it

#survivor #tw csa implied #tw csa #csa vent #trauma vent #actually traumatized #tw csa mention #tw csa vent #trauma

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self-h-rmageddon · 2 months

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i feel. like bad? i need to get it off my chest!!!!

soo. okay i

i avoided my friends for like.. almost a month i guess. 22 days, the only reason i know that is cuz she counted. i didnt think she would, and i feel.. so much conflict. im avoidant when she brings it up, i dont wanna talk about it cuz i know she wont like what i have to say

she got drunk one night, like *really* drunk and she shared with me some pretty real feelings she probably wouldnt have otherwise. it hurt me, but i know she was hurting too. she *insisted* i speak about it, like. VERBALLY, anyone who knows me knows i fall short there. i

things have just been the way that they were for so long, i guess when it changed it was jarring maybe? ive been the loser. we're all losers, but i was the only one in my entire friend group who didnt have other friends outside of said friend group, but now i do!! and it makes me feel so happy, that i have so many friends i love so dearly yknow? but it makes me feel bitter that she doesnt like that

do you know how embarrassing it was? anytime i THOUGHT i had something good, id go and ramble happily about someone who i didnt realize id be LOSING in the next few months. embarrassing, shameful! but not this time

i guess me talking about it made her feel scared, but it upset me, because she got really upset when i told her i love all my friends equally.. i guess she didnt wanna hear that someone i met less than a year ago could be someone i love as much as her, which i get. i get how it sounds, but its not like that!! i love them UNIQUELY. she brings me things they dont, they bring me things she doesnt, im content and balanced and thankful for all of it

i handled it. poorly, i feel like i handled it poorly but i dont blame myself too much, im not known for this skill i guess. she started crying and it? it was like a joke at first but she was emotional cuz of the alcohol and it very quickly became not a joke, its the first time ive like.. heard her cry? and i felt bad that it was my fault and i really dont know how to comfort someone like that, its not a social skill i have upfront!!! over text its easy to collect my thoughts, but verbally? too much mental energy is being used on holding a conversation alone. but i also dont feel bad because its not WRONG for me to love my friends equally, i dont blame her for how she felt ofc

i didnt think i mattered so much to her, i guess. but she told me about it, and it made me... uncomfortable. like, TERRIBLY uncomfortable. thats why i did it, why i started focusing somewhere else. i came back suddenly, they were in the middle of playing a game and it felt so.. alien? like. it made me feel sick, this is my HOME and i felt like a stranger almost. i know 22 days isnt so long, but. idk, ive tried to keep in better contact, we are playing the games now, as we should!! but the truth is that after knowing it hurt her when i talked about my other friends, i just.. stopped talking about them, but i do things with them EVERYDAY, thats my day!! if i cant talk about them, i have nothing to say i guess

its bittersweet, ive sorta gotten back to being the unhinged loser they enjoy having around ig but i still dont talk as much as before, i dont want to because i dont wanna hurt her yknow? im HAPPY. im happy, so happy

she said she felt ashamed feeling the way she did, said she hates that shit but its still how she feels, i dont blame her. honestly?? its giving bpd like MY PERSONAL OPINION... with the way she described how she felt about me, i think shes one of us but. that adds a whole other layer, the discomfort i felt, is that how i make people feel? when im obsessed with them? when i feel like i cant exist without them? it feels so wrong to say things like this, shes my best friend, ive known her for years.. its just. we dont do emotions, i guess? and i think thats wrong of me cuz she expressed that she wanted it like that, she wanted to be open and vulnerable, and i didnt like it!!! we can do it over text sure, but.. sit and talk with me? she dmed me the other day saying like 'dommm we should vc, i wanna get drunk and have therapy again while you give me good advice'. i ignored her text, on purpose. usually its NEVER on purpose, if i dont respond you can bet like 100% i clicked the message, read it and then went back to what i was doing because i was distracted, or i have a really bad tendency of THINKING my replies and not actually sending them and being like yep. social interaction well done. but no, i ignored it on purpose. anytime she asks us "guys, yes or no..." i say no, cuz i know the question is if she should drink or not. i know she'll still drink anyways, i just leave early, pretend my new sleep schedule is the reason why, pretend im tired because it makes me uncomfortable still

im not good at it!!! i cant give her what she needs like THAT.. i cant have her sit there and tell me all her problems and cry, i CANT because i dont know how to handle it! like i genuinely have no idea how to handle that at all. over text i could probably manage just fine, but she wanted me to sit there, wanted my camera on and everything.. i felt like i really? i mean i TRIED, i did my best, i listened to her, i can always do that.. the problem is she wants advice, you will not get advice from me if im forced to physically speak. so i just feel like i let her down, yknow? i dont know

ive backed myself into a corner probably, im too scared to be open cuz she tends to forget the things she says when shes drunk, so maybe she doesnt remember telling me how she feels about me? i guess theres an added layer of discomfort, because like. when we were 18 i think? she drunkenly confessed that she had a crush on me and it felt really.. ive never seen her differently for that, you can absolutely trust. shes my best friend and i never pushed her away despite those feelings, i just had to tell her i didnt feel the same and it never came up again, and we've been fine! but, knowing how she feels about me now? it makes me uncomfortable because of that, its hard to describe. idk its a lot of mixed feelings!!!! nothing i could ever tell her, probably

and it made me feel horrible for all the times ive ever talked fondly about my friends, or the times i was breaking down so badly over them that i had no choice but to cry and wail in my channel, knowing literally only one of them probably would respond (which was true, they talked me thru it a little bit). thats where our emotional talk ends. i dont want to be emotional with someone i know physically, it stresses me out!!!! yes i love you so much, you are my entire world!! ill kiss yr hair and hands and we can cuddle, we can spend a whole day together and go out to eat, we can sit at home and play games, we can do all of it! but.. online its easy, im words on a screen. physically?

i hate to feel GUTTED. i hate feeling vulnerable, i hate feeling EXPOSED. that first time i went to therapy for fucking GENDER DYSPHORIA and our first session was *wasted*, wasted because i had to tell my mom that i wanted to kill myself. sinking in my stomach. all those times ive had traumatic response to them fighting, the fucking scars because of that, the times my family have seen the scars. IM TIRED imf ucking tired, i hate to feel that way. i hate being exposed i hate having my heart on display i hate it all!!! i hate someone knowing something about me, i wont let myself be pressured into sharing trauma and details, i want it SECRET. share yr trauma with me, thats FINE, but its like. idk i wanted that call to end to fast, it was completely out of my comfort zone and i feel GUILTY for that. im averse to change, i really hate change actually. i made a whole post talking about our dynamic and how i adored it, and then it was sorta flipped on its head? i stopped playing that little dragon game on roblox cuz i was playing that while we were talking and anytime i fly around looking for chests, the memory of that conversation comes back to me. i want to forget

we fit like a glove, we're back to how we always have been when we talk, but.. she mentioned it the other day. thats how i knew i was avoidant for 22 days, she told me she counted. i felt bad, cuz i hoped she wouldnt notice. i couldnt think of anything to say, other than "well.. i was monster hunting idk man" and she sounded upset with me when i said it. we moved on quickly but. im not made for that. what did she want me to say? whatever she wanted, i clearly didnt say it. idk i just feel lost, feel stuck and the worst thing?

i dont want to be exposed to anyone but them. like THATS the thing, maybe if i didnt have them then id be fine with it, but.. it makes me uncomfortable, feels like betrayal. they can see that side of me, no one else can because i dont WANT anyone else to. i trust them, i feel safe enough to be vulnerable around them, its a big step for me and one that i dont take lightly. its not her fault i dont feel safe, and lord knows i trust her!!! its just.. different. opening up is hard, i feel more.. understood? i guess you could say. idk its just. hard to describe. i love my friends so much, but my friendships are all UNIQUE and thats why i love them. talking to either is fulfilling!!! incredibly, in very different ways but still!

idk it just sucks i guess, it makes me sad that me talking about my happiness is a sore spot for her, ive never been happier in my whole life!!! but i know it probably hurts her that it wasnt her that gave me that happiness. theres nothing i can do about that!! she makes me happy in another way, one exclusive to her. we are so sillay in vc, its FUN i have so much fun with her, but i think that.. maybe by telling her that a while ago, i fucked up. i shouldnt have told her she was my BEST best friend, i shouldnt have i just get.. natural tendency to tell people what they want, avoid conflict.

it feels like it established an accidental conflict, one no one else knows about. did i make her think i loved her more than my friend? or my other friend? like it makes me sick, but you cant just BACK TRACK. i cant just say actually? like i love them also yknow. cuz that would hurt her probably, its like im fucked no matter what!!! sure we ahve good chemistry in vc, the best chemistry in that whole friend group when vcing, but? i used to refer to one of them as my spouse like. MUTUALLY, we were married platonically okay. the other one? i love him so much hes so silly and . GRGR like. i just hate this idea, but its all my fault it exists. no backbone. i love my friends EQUALLY. i have a lot of love to give everyone, it would hurt me so badly if i wasnt loved equally, thats why i love the way i do. i even told her, im INSISTENT with it. i refuse to love inequally, it would hurt people and i hate that!!! but. i hurt her regardless, its. IDK man its a lot im just airing this out, she'll never see this, none of them will. good

we can move on from this, we mostly already have. im just scared i might have to put my foot down a bit, and tell her that it made me uncomfortable, i dont want to put her in that situation but if we get there then we get there. we'll be okay im sure

#this is super long im just. need it out #idk how much sense this is making but #its. the whole thing is really mixed and complex alright its like neither of us is in the right #but neither of us is inherently wrong its #too much for my brain unfortunately

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burntoasters · 5 months

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Finally broke up with my POS partner

Tw:talk of s///ide

Awhile ago I started to mentally spiral and I realized it was much stronger than my previous episodes. Usually when stuff starts to get hard again I start shutting off and shutting people out. Deleting social medias, breaking off friendships or just straight ghosting people who didn’t deserve it. I didn’t want to start doing that again, especially to my partner. So I told them I was spiraling and asked if they could come to my house and just be near me so I wouldn’t hurt myself again.

I was met with a no because they didn’t have any gas and promised their mom they would be home for dinner since they never are cause they work a night shift.

Mind you I’m 21 and they are a few months older than me. I have nothing against people who still live with parents, it’s a struggle to live in the economy, even with a bunch of roommates. But that shit hurt me so fucking bad

If the roles were reversed, I would have done anything to help them be ok or at least make sure they didn’t hurt themselves. If I had no gas, I would walk. Even if it’s through a fucking storm. If I couldn’t be there in person then I would be on the phone with them or even on discord. Constantly checking in on them and reassuring that I wasn’t going anywhere. I would drive through the night or even buy a plane ticket if I had to. And we don’t even live that far away from each other, is a 30 minute drive if you get all red lights.

When I tried to bring it up a few days later, they got defensive and started turning things on me. Saying how they tried to make it up later but I wouldn’t let them. Then getting upset and saying it wasn’t their fault (when that’s not what I was saying at all) and asking if they should just quit their job to make me happy.

When I first moved in with my first roommate a couple years ago, I got a call while I was at work one day from her grandma saying she tried to unaligned herself. I immediately walked out of my job and sped to my house. On the way I called my partner in tears explains everything grandma had told me. Without me even asking anything of them, they said they were leaving their house and would be over shortly. I cried so hard that night because nobody had ever done that for me before and I have never felt so loved by another person. A couple months later I was talking with their mom and she talked about how proud she was of them for how they handled the entire situation.

When I brought this up when talking to my partner later their response was “Yes I was able to do that then but I can’t do that now.” I cried myself to sleep that night feeling like the most worthless human on this planet. I just don’t understand how a person can be one way but then completely change and then become so defensive and angry when someone calls them out for it.

All I wanted was someone to be there with me so I wouldn’t hurt myself…

But I guess that’s just too much to ask of anyone and I need to go back to suffering in silence

#why am i even here #tw depressing stuff #dark thoughts #personal vent #vent post #depressing life #why am i like this #why am I unlovable #I just wanted someone to help me #why do I have to do this all alone #I don’t know how much longer I can do this #suffering #suffering in silence #sorry for being depressing #tw sui implied #suic1de

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blue-eyed-bloodstains · 1 year

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1: What would you name your future daughter? Vada. Kairi is a close second

2: Do you miss anyone? so much...

3: What if I told you that you were pretty? I’d say thank you but inside I’d never believe it for a second

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”? not the exact phrase but sort of in other context, yeah

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week? nothing at all

6: Did you go out or stay in last night? stay in

7: How late did you stay up last night? I was up all night till this morning when I finally passed out

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months? my fiance

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon? sleeping

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it? seems like it now looking back, yeah...

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol? FUUUCCCKKKK. NOOOOOOOOOOO.

12: Have you pretended to like someone? no

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette? HELLLLLLL. NOOOOOOOO.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile? a few

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone? very...

16: Think back five months ago, were you single? no

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad? I rarely get mad, I get upset but yeah I have

18: Hold hands with anyone this week? no

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed? no

20: Who did you last see in person? Uber driver

21: What is the last thing you said out lot? *loud, and I’m currently fighting with mom as fucking usual so...

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night? god no

23: Have you ever been to Paris? no I’d love to someday

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings? no

25: Do you use chap stick? it’s been a minute I lost mine but sometimes yeah

26: Who did you last share a bed with? my fiance

27: Are you listening to music right now? no but gonna desperately need to after this call...

28: What is something you currently want right now? AS MUCH ALCOHOL AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE!

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person? yeah

30: How is your heart lately? torn to shreds...not from heartbreak just stress, loneliness, depression, anxiety...

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie? no, sometimes a hat backwards (always backwards) or just hair in a ponytail

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you? last month when he had a week home...

33: What do people call you? Morg for short, usually just fam does that...babe from fiance, babe or boob (pronounced different than the body part) from mom

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t? ohhhh all the time...I slip anyway a lot of times and pay for it but yeah

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life? hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! fuck off

36: What are you listening to right now? ID crime shows are in the background, mom on the phone

37: What is wrong with you right now? I’m breathing...let’s put it that way

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh? when it’s right, yeah

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11? sometimes but don’t make a point of it, never comes true...

40: What is on your wrists right now? bracelet on left, extra hairtie on right

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected? taken

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing? Three Days Grace tour shirt from 2013, it’s my fiance’s

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone? yes

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week? was supposed to...but as usual work fucked that up so no...

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days? unfortunately no...

46: What were you doing at midnight last night? wide awake on the phone with mom

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago? that was December, Zach was home for a good bit of it so yeah

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? someone else for sure

49: Have you ever been to New York? a few times yeah

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it? yeah

#survey #bored #random #about me

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bluetyrantz · 1 year

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Small vent TW!: mentions of self harm, suicidal thoughts!.

So here’s the “Funny” thing, I’m a young girl in high school and I have this friend who we will call David (I don’t want to name call) David was a trans woman, also my best friend, he was really nice but a months ago he had started to hit my chest area (B00bs) I asked him to kindly stop because it was hurting me but he would never listen, he would also kick me and call me names, but I hadn’t asked him to stop with these things because I was scared id lose my only friend, he would also over sexual me when I was saying something making everything I said into something sexual, it wasn’t until a few days ago he had grabbed my sharp ruler and scratched me on my head with it also grabbing my arm and “pretending” like he was cutting my arm (Self-harm reference) that same day I had told one of my other friends about this and they told me this wasn’t okay, The whole time I thought this was just a “funny joke” friends did toward each other, so my friend took me to one of the schools therapists and she told me she felt as if i was in danger if he was doing that to me, she told me calmly to avoid him from now-on, on Thursday he has blocked me from all social medias and left me a message on discord saying. “If you didn’t like me that much you could have just told me xoxo” also sent another message such as “Pussy” calling me a scaredy cat for not telling him early, i have been very hurt by this because he had been my friend for such a long time. his boyfriend also told me to go kill myself as “a joke” but I don’t find that stuff funny at all. David was also very obsessed with his boyfriend, such as not letting him talk to his friends, there was this one incident when David had self-Harmed because his boyfriend hadn’t hugged him because he was busy catching up with his friend he hadn’t seen months- year, David would send me out as his personal messenger to go send damaging things to his boyfriend causing it to break apart the friendship me a Davids boyfriend has, David would also tell me he wanted to k*ll himself multiple times, I had spotted the toxic relationship between David and his boyfriend and tried giving him advice but he would get angry at me and hid me with his legs giving me bruises for weeks on end, I’m extremely upset and may not post for a few days as I need a break from this and I need to focus on school work as graduation is coming up

#vent #self harm #abusivefriends

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princess-pill-enjoyer · 2 years

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Life update: Road trip, R's partner, and other junk

Hi again

I know I was just on here the other day but it feels kinda odd to not post everytime I'm taking pills like I was before. Though I won't lie it's been a lot easier. I try to not think as hard on what upset me enough to take em and it's been pretty nice. Ish

<^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^><^>

This'll be another long one so apologies in advance. Lot of stuff went on theee last few days

I've split the three major points I was talking in color coded sections.

-Green is rambling about a recent trip I went on

-Purple is thoughts on R's recent breakup with her partner of a little over a year

-Red is health shit I've had going on

(Road trip/Indiana trip as a whole)

Anyway. Last few days been slightly hectic. During that trip in Christmas my mom told me about this trip she'd be going on in July to Indiana and asked if I wanted to tag along. I ofc said yeah cause ill take damn near any excuse to get out this funky ass house annnd that was that. She didn't give details fr and up until like a week ago I didn't even know when we were going.

Thooo due to the funerals a few weeks back and her not really having plans plans for my arrival anyway, i was finna get left at the lodge second as she didn't know anyone that was coming to Indiana and my dad was gonna get a rental to drive me down which my mom didn't wanna put on him. So about 3 days before, she just was like oh you aint going lol. I played it off when I was otp with her but soon as she hung up I took R off hold and tried to do the same, only to break down in tears like 5 mins later

I feel bad to keep putting her through that so I calmed down enough to hold it in and parted ways with her bout 30 mins later. Me and my mom's relationship is kind of complicated and I thought this trip could possibly be an opportunity to uncomplicate things you know? So I felt so stuck when just like that, I was to be left after months of thinking id be there

Well in my hiding of my hurt I kinda hid my disappointment which I didn't want her to take as me not caring. So I texted her high high around 3am expressing my salt about not being able to go. Which somehow someway got me a ride to Indiana. I didn't know these people and it was a 4 hour drive (with all the extra they were doing ahit wnd up being like 6 😭) so I was kinda scared. But honestly? They were really cool.

I was slightly gone that entire car ride as I took some shit to mellow out some but I think I woulda been okay regardless. I was tryna avoid talking and I was playing sudoku and listening to music for a good 2-3ish hours. Thennn they started tryna involve me in convos and listening to their music which led them to ask if i smoked.. and I shoulda said no as I barely have experience with weed outside them bootleg delta 8 pens but I said yeah annnd we all smoked. I barely did as I knew I would be entirely too gone and I didn't want my mom to br able to tell. She seems disappointed that I smoked with my aunt that one time so I couldnt imagine how she's see me smoking with complete strangers (to me anyway. They're longtime friends to her)

See okay I know that sounds bad but the weed wasn't why I thought they were cool. They were just real persistent to involve me, even when I was pretty distant off rip. It woulda been so easy for them to just let me sit there silently but they made sure I spoke some and by the end even with me barely knowing them I got to laugh and talk shit with em. It was nice :)

Now with me being there pretty late, I just went to the room under the impression I'd just be crashing. But my mom dipped for some part of the event she came there for and left me with my 7 y/o sister and I think her... cousin? Idfk. Long story short, soon as I got there I was babysitting these kids. I didn't think nothing of it as I am pretty lenient on that sort of shit. Aka, I'm only there to make sure they aren't seriously hurt and not do anything that'll get them in big big trouble. Younger kids yeah, I know I gotta be more hands on as they wouldn't know how to feed themselves, clean up, use the bathroom ya know shit like that. But past that age, I see no real reason to breathe down their necks.

Tho... these kids bruh. I damn near cried out of frustration. They were so loud which I woulda ignored honestly but my mom was telling me how strict this hotel was about noise complaints when large groups/events booked a specific hotel. Like they whole ass had to sign an agreement to not be loud or they'd more than likely just get kicked out. Course, the form said they'd just plain kick em out but I'm sure they wouldn't be that that harsh. Nonetheless, minimal wiggle room as far as noise. So I let them play and shit but I had to quiet them down again and again cause they'd either ignore me or quiet down for two seconds and go back to it

It was a good 3-4 hours of me tryna keep them quiet til my mom came back which made them go to sleep soon after. Then she came back and went to sleep and I just.. broke down. I couldn't stop crying. I was so done and I just wanted to be alone by that point. My mom's a light light sleeper so I accidentally sobbed to hard and woke her up a fee diff times with her luckily being half sleep and not realizing what was happening. It was kinda bad tbr I wss first crying about watched the kids but then I was just spiraling and spiraling until I eventually cried myself to sleep around 5amish. Tho at 6 my mom quite literally shook me awake. To plug in her phone.

The rest of the trip was more of the same honestly. Watching the kids, reprimanding them for one thing or another, crying about it, calming down late into the night and passing out for a bit before being woken up for one thing or another. I wish I didn't even go honestly. I left the hotel twice the entire 3 days I was there. Once to take a walk as im not allowed to when I'm home and I wanted to calm down without taking pills, only to have the kids flung on me anyway lmao. The other was to get breakfast as the kids wouldn't wake up for the free hotel breakfast so we had to go somewhere to get em food. So we went to the McDonald's drive thru. Sooo honestly neither time I really left the hotel.

I thought maybe the last day would be cool as the event and everything was over and the cousin went back with her parents. I woke up late ish as I took dph the night before and I didn't feel like getting up. Thought nothing of it. Only for my mom to inform me that the person she thought would be taking me early Monday morning never came so I would not only be leaving today, I had about an hour to pack up and leave. Which included showering, getting my sister ready and fed, and getting ready cause the people driving me were gonna make a stop that required me to get out the car as well.

I couldn't even hide my anger lmao. That was about 3 days ago now and I am just now answering her calls again. I felt so used and stupid

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Next big thing that's happened is my bsf's relationship officially being over

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(R's breakup)

As I've mentioned before, R and her girlfriend have been on a break for a few weeks. I was under the impression they weren't speaking at all during this all and for the most part, they weren't. She was online playing games making it clear she was purposely ignoring R when she was tryna fix shit a few different times so I thought that was the sign right there. But my bsf recently opened up more on that shit and started talking about how she's changed into someone else lately, being super distant and the few times she'll talk to her she's being mean and yelling about one thing or another

Ah.. there was this one night about a week ago where she was really going through it, coming to terms with everything. She was just saying hoe while she said she'd be there for anything she wasn't her *insert partner name* uh prolly should've made a fake one long before but whatever. Anyway she was crying about it cause ehe felt like her partner changed so much and while she was still in love and still planned on doing everything she said she would, she wouldn't fight for her to do the same for her. It broke my heart just hearing it all. All the nights I've had to console a crying, stoic and at times intoxicated R she still would do it again if it meant going back to how they were. It genuinely made me hate her partner. I hated having to watch her suffer for someone that clearly wouldn't do the same for her

But it all came to a head yesterday. Me and R don't talk like we did before as she's usually busy during the day and I'm off doing my own shit as well. We mostly text lateish at night as the absolute latest she's ever working is 11 and I usually don't sleep til around 2ish so I'm usually free around then as well. But yesterday, we were talking around afternoonish. Initially it was just us checking in with each other but then we started talking shit and sending memes and junk. It went on for a good 30 mins of damn near instant replies as we were both focused on it until after a while R just stopped replying. I wasn't thinking nothing of it I sent a sc from this sudoku tournament I was in and I said something about some song a little while later. Kinda tryna get her attention again without making it seem dire or urgent.

She responded about the song shit like an hour or two later and I aint think nothing of it. The after she said that she dropped the bombshell. Her partner broke up with her. I tried my best to not treat her differently out of pity even though I was sad for her cause I know hearing that shit can make it sting 10x worse. I took it all in and cracked a joke here and there where I could but she dipped shortly after she explained everything

What boggled my mind was that I was just checking R's accs out of curiosity wondering of they had officially broken up and at the time her partner already unfriended her on a few platforms but R still kept traces of her nearly everywhere. Then less than 24 hours later, they're done. Shit was weird. The only real mention of her now is her disc as she left her name as the nickname her partner gave her but tbh I think R likes bunnies anyway so that could be unrelated

We have spoken once today as I accidentally called her when I was half sleep tryna call my mom. I usually don't call anyone but her so I called her out of habit before being like oh wait and hanging up. She had her phone off so it didn't really matter but she texted back just telling me not to apologize and that she understood and stuff. Then she's went back to being silent.

Her disc isn't offline for the first time in forever but it's in do not disturb so it ain't much better. Specially since she ain't signed in on her phone so she's really just ignoring anyone reacting out on there. Though she also could be on vc with her partner and not wanting to be interrupted too so not 100%

In addition to that she unfriended nearly everyone on her insta which is honestly expected. The only one she didn't unfriend is an unactive acc of an old friend. That's a long story but essentially, everyone including me and her partner

I'm not too worried for now. I know it'll be a few days of mostly silence and her ignoring everyone but she did text earlier today and I know she's online at the very least so I'm okay. I'm gonna try to aim for at least getting one response a day from her just to make sure she's alive and shit but aside from that I know she wants space for now and I'll give it to her for now.

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And finally there's smaller news about me

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(My health and stuff)

I've kinda tapered off again. Ish. The trip prevented me from taking all that much for a few days and me coming down from that 1.5 and the 850 made me not too fussy on that. I go a lot longer without dph and I haven't been taking much anymore. I only brought a little less than a gram for the trip so I had to ration it out pretty carefully so I'd have enough to keep me from withdrawing while not taking enough to make me too visibly high. I think I took 250 the trip on there, 450 the second night when I was watching my sister, then 200-300ish the trip back cause I started getting too angry and was crying. Luckily for me the blaring country music the people I was riding with this time covered the noises from that and they were not as keen to get me involved with their conversations but nonetheless I knew I would only get away with it for so long before they started asking questions so I popped the rest of my pills and went to sleep.

Now that I've been back I took 350 the first night I was back and took another 300 yesterday night. I didn't really want to take the 300 but I've noticed there's some days where my heart will feel tight and'll hurt when it's been a while without. Sometimes it's not too bad and ill just ignore and sometimes it's really noticeable and painful to the point I don't care if I want it or not I'll take some just to stop feeling it. I was originally only taking 200 but it still hurt so I just took 50 more every like 30ish mins til it stop hurting

I've been crying a bit less nowadays as well. Which is kinda weird as now I just have the temptation to alot more.. mind is weird ig 🥴

Had a few other issues of varying seriousness

At some point the day before I went on the trip I cut my hand pretty bad tho I forgot about it... then rubbed multiple more than likely not clean dogs with the same hand. Ah snd this ofc was not before I accidentally spilt a baking soda lemon juice in the cut earlier that day. Smh. The cut was so sore and actually the day I got back it hurt to handle anything that required anymore than gentle ass gripping. I was scared to tell anyone in fear of them trying to take me to urgent care over it as I know we can't really afford that shit rn so I toughed it out. It's not too noticeable now so it's probably nothing but those first few days were scary.

It kinda hurts to hold in my pee at times as I hold it for so long I'll forget I'm holding til it hurts to walk. Ive been tryna be better about that as R scolds me all the time and stresses how bad it is for me but I occasionally forget and do it anyway and it ain't fun to say the least. Plus it kinda spooks me to see at times ngl. That period where I was yellow yellow my piss was chronically dark but now it is dark at times but I do more as far as hydration so it ain't nearly as bad. Still like uts weird going from being slightly dehydrated before to now being so dehydrated I'd probably have an iv slapped on me if I went to a doctor. I've also had to be a log better about exfoliation as my dry ass skin will clog my skin in a heartbeat if I dont

Aside from that it's been more of the same. I mostly eat once a day with it usually being cereal or malt o meal as they're quick and easy and comforting for whatever reason. My stomach hurts at times but not much of the burny feeling I used to have a lot. I've been pretty isolated from my family nowadays, even the sister I was covering for a little while ago. I'll talk to them if they happen to be around while I go up there but for the most part I stay quiet in my room and try to avoid going upstairs when I can hear one of them around. I try to talk as minimally as possible with the only real exception to that being with R and wuth me being pretty quiet otp with her as well, she's only partially excluded at that

I remember I used to speak so little that it'd make my throat sore to speak for anymore than a few minutes. It's kinda on and off issue of mine and its kinda exacerbated with any sort of projection/yelling so I did have slight issue with that as well. It's mostly gone away now as I've gone back to no more than like 15 mins of using my voice in a day so that's alr

Uhhh but on that note I think I'm about done. I took another 250 in the middle of writing this as my heart felt eeird again and I wanted to stop that before that got annoying and my tolerance has made that nearly nonexistent feeling. More than likely finna make some malt o meal and take some more. And play the sims.. or download more stuff. I've been hyperfixated on that for the past few weeks smh. Possibly'll post a few on here but more than likely not. For one feels a little inappropriate for the blog and two I dunno if anyone really cares to see that 💀💀💀

Ya know like.. course they're my sims so I don't really need to post them for me. But I dunno. Strong maybe

#update #vent #excessively long

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mccn-bcys · 2 years

Text

🌼 Flower Shop 🌼

Prompt: based on a prompt I found on pinterest a while back but can't find right now

One Shot

Pairing: young!bruno x gn reader

Summary: pepa needs a bouquet of flowers for...something, and while her siblings try to stop her it leads to the buying of another bouquet, for a different reason.

Author's Note: I started writing this and actually finished it in time for Valentine's Day today, so I really hope you guys enjoy this and have a great Valentine's Day ❤ (also pls feel free to leave prompts or even ask questions if you like! the ask box is always open!)

General Notes: reader and the triplets are about 17–20 years old in this.

Warnings: language (pepa curses a bit in this lol) and also my poor Spanish (it's not my first language so I used a translator so pls correct me if any of the Spanish is wrong)

Word Count: 3,745

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the small bell above the door let out a chime, indicating that someone had walked in, while your back was to the door. there were hushed whispers which told you that whoever came in wasn't alone. a small smile overcame your lips as you prepared to face whoever came into your parent's flower shop.

however you weren't quite ready for the hand that slapped money on the counter when you turned around. the sudden sound and motion caused you to let out a small yelp and almost drop the vase of roses in hands. after setting the vase on a shelf, you gave a good look at who was standing on the other side of the counter.

"how do i passive-aggressively say 'vete a la mierda' in flowers?!" the red-head was fuming, a dark cloud thundering above her.

"pepa!" the girl next to her scolded quietly, shooting you an apologetic look. "i told her to watch her language."

"yeah, and i told her that this was unnecessary," the boy on her other side spoke up, sending her a half-hearted glare.

"no, this is completely necessary, brunito—"

"come on, pep, we agreed you wouldn't call me that in public!"

"—and I fully intend to make the burro pay. no one gets away with talking about my brother like that!"

the siblings kept bickering about nicknames and who said what about the youngest sibling. you sat with an amused smile on your face, waiting patiently. to be honest, you had been a little caught off guard when they first came in ordering a vulgar message in flowers, but then again, they were the madrigal triplets and if you've learned one thing about the family, it's that you should always expect the unexpected.

"how big do you want the bouquet?" you asked softly to the boy, who you know to be bruno. he seemed to be slightly frustrated and embarrassed by the whole ordeal, while his sisters argued over pepa's interesting choice of words.

"if i had a say in the matter, id ask for no bouquet at all, but this is pepa and she's gonna want the biggest one you can give us," he sighed with a roll of his eyes. you smiled fondly at him.

bruno madrigal had always intrigued you. when your family moved to the encanto a few months ago, you had first seen him being drug by his sister to do something, though he hadn't looked as upset about it as he appeared to be. he seemed to feed random rats on the streets. you noticed that sometimes before he'd do anything that might get him in trouble, he would throw salt over his shoulder and/or knock on wood. he liked to tell elaborate stories to the children around the encanto.

from what you could tell, he was a nice person, everyone around the encanto liked him. he sometimes had eccentric moments, like carrying stray rats or sometimes he'd get a random vision while walking down the street. but no matter what he did, even if he tripped over his own feet, he always amused you.

"I take it someone wasn't very happy a vision?" you asked as you walked from behind the counter to gather some orange lilies.

"not only that, el hijo de puta decided to call bruno useless and a phony," a small clap of thunder sounded from about the red-headed triplet. "i just can't wait for the day when his hair does fall out."

"pepa! you can't say that about people!"

"why not, juli? you do."

"well, yes, but not in front of people who aren't used to pepa's unfiltered mouth," julieta said quietly, a bashful look on her face, as she gave you an apologetic smile.

you chuckled lightly adding some foxglove to the pile of flowers in your arm. "no, esta bien. it doesn't bother me. i find it kind of flattering that pepa doesn't mind speaking so freely in front of me," you shrugged.

pepa turned to her sister and stuck her tongue out triumphantly causing julieta to roll her eyes with an amused smile on her face. they seemed to argue a lot but you also could tell that they loved each other—for heavens sake, they were buying a bouquet with a vulgar message to defend each other.

it was quiet for a moment, they were watching you gather an assortment of the flowers. casting a glance their way, you smiled and let out a chuckle seeing their curious faces. they all had their head tilted, biting their bottom lip, and furrowed eyebrows. they may look very different at times, but in this moment you found it funny how alike they were in these moments.

"so do you guys have that triplet telepathy thing?" you asked curiously. if they shared the same looks or mannerisms, but they did other things the same way.

"what do you mean?" they all said at the same time, which caused a bought of laughter to bubble out of you, making the youngest triplet to smile.

unbeknownst to you, a certain triplet had been watching you from a distance, just like you had been doing to him. he kept trying to find excuses to talk to you, but nothing seemed good enough of a reason. he hadn't needed any flowers for anything, you hadn't asked for a vision, and you always looked busy whenever he would walk by the shop. and now, his first interaction with you had not been what he wanted it to be at all. he had not imagined his sister would burst into the shop demanding flowers that would be the equivalent to sticking up a certain finger. he was embarrassed, to say the least. more like mortified.

but you didn't seem to mind, calmly going around the flowers and picking up some, a smile on your face. like you didn't mind. the sound of your laughter informed him that you were quite amused by the situation—it also caused a flurry of butterflies to sight flight in his stomach, but that wasn't important. had the flowers not been to give to someone because of him, he would've found it amusing as well, knowing he would've done the same to defend his sisters. not that he wasn't touched that pepa would buy such flowers, it just felt like a little much. your voice brought him out if his thoughts.

"that. you all making the same confused face, saying things at the same time, if one of you is in pain, the other feels it. that kind of thing," you explained.

"i suppose we do sometimes, we've never really noticed," julieta shrugged, giving it some thought.

"although the pain thing isn't true. see, watch this," pepa added, before kicking her brother in the shin with a shit-eating grin. he let out a yelp of pain and grabbed his shin. "see? i don't feel a thing!" pepa said, proudly.

"how about now?" he said with a frown on his face and he punched her in the arm. pepa gasped like 'how dare you' and turned to hit him again before julieta stepped between them.

"behave you two," she said sternly, before digging out a couple beñuelos and handing them to them.

you just laughed again, as you grabbed the last of the flowers you needed, and headed back around the counter to arrange and style the flowers. they were quiet for another moment before the youngest spoke up.

"so why these flowers?" he asked, looking at the assortment. they were all beautiful flowers and the arrangement was looking amazing, but something about them made him also despise it.

"well, flowers can mean different things to many people. however, if you use them in the right way, it'll get the message across, whether or not the receiver realizes what that message is," you started, a smile gracing your lips as you continued arranging the flowers. explaining flowers had always been one of your favorite things to do so you were happy to answer his question. "you see, these orange lilies not only mean confidence but also hatred. they seemed perfect considering pepa seems pretty confident in her choice of message."

pepa grinned but shrugged, basically confirming your statement.

"i added in these geraniums, they mean stupidity. it sounds like someone decided to talk bad about you and that's very stupid. these foxgloves symbolize insecurity, the meadowsweet mean uselessness, and the yellow carnations mean 'you have disappointed me.'" you said, wrapping the flower stems in paper and handed them to pepa.

"it's perfect! they're so beautiful yet i can feel loathing radiating from them!" pepa said happily as she looked them over. "i can't wait to see his face when he gets these. es tan estúpido, he probably won't even realize what they mean! gracías!" she said, a wicked grin on her face, as she raced out of the shop, grabbing her siblings hands to drag them out too. you chuckled lightly, turning to put the money in the register before you heard the bell above the door sound again.

"do you–erm, ho–how did you know all that about the flowers?" bruno asked a small pink gathering on his cheeks, coming to stand in front of you across the counter.

"i read it in a book i got a while back. would you want to borrow it?" you asked him, to which he nodded. you told him to give you a moment while you went to get it, before disappearing up some stairs behind the counter.

when you came back moments later, he was walking around looking at different flowers. you watched him for a minute while he picked a few up to examine them.

"you know that one means peace and commitment," you said when he picked up a hyacinth flower.

bruno let out a yelp of surprise, nearly dropping the flower. you laughed softly as you approached him.

"lo siento, i didn't know you were back," he apologized quietly, his cheeks turning a little pink as he put the flower back.

"no, i apologize. i should've announced my presence a bit better," you gave a bashful smile, coming to stop in front of him.

bruno looked at you for a moment. he's never seen you from this close before. that made him sound like a creep and he internally cringed at the thought. what he meant was thay he'd never noticed the light freckles across your nose. or how your eyes had some sparkle in them, sparks of gentleness and mischief in them. or how you had a freckle that was darker than the others right under your left eye.

"to be honest, something as simple as clearing your throat probably would've startled me just the same," he chuckled nervously, rubbing the back of his neck, as he looked down at you. you couldn't stop the light laughter that spilled from your lips, which, to bruno, sounded like little music, making him smile and relax a little.

now it was your turn to get a good look at him. you never noticed his green eyes before. from a distance, they always looked brown like his mamá or julieta's. he also had a few freckles that splattered across his nose and cheeks. he had a few acne scars, they were faint but you could see them. his hair was neatly cut but fell just around his jaw, his curls loose and free, making a mess on his head, but he made it look just right.

your eyes went back on his and it felt like you couldn't look away. there was so much in those eyes. there was so much he had seen, so much he knows. with eyes like his, there's no telling the amazing and, probably sometimes, tragic and horrific things he's seen. yet there was so much kindness, but there was also a spark of life in them. a spark that radiated the mischief and and fun.

you cleared your throat, looking down at your hands, remembering the book in them, and handed it to him. "here's that book. it's got a lot of stuff in them, like the flower meanings, the best way to care for them, that kind of stuff."

"gracías. ill bring this back soon. lo prometo," he said, a shy smile on his face, as he started walking back to the door.

"your sister should be okay, as long as she doesn't leave a note with the flowers. the message of those flowers is very subtle if the person receiving them doesn't know about flower language," you called to him before you opened the door. he stopped and looked at you. there was a look on his face–was it fear?

"knowing pep, she definitely has a note to leave with it." he groaned. "maybe i can stop her before she tries to fight a priest."

your eyes widened at that statement. "she's giving it to el sacerdote?!" you weren't sure whether to worry or laugh.

"that's why i tried to stop her from getting those flowers. he wasn't happy that I told him that he'd lose his hair as he ages and he told me that id go to infierno for telling such lies, and pepa found out and she..." he trailed off with a fond chuckle. "she can be a little extreme at times. i know she means well."

you looked at him in disbelief. "he told you that?" you asked and he nodded. "maybe he does need that bouquet," you muttered making him laugh.

"not you too!"

"tell pepa if she brings me a list, ill make a bouquet like that for anyone that's ever said something like that to you, and ill do it for free," you told him, a smile on your face but your tone was serious.

"i don't think that'll be necessary, but I appreciate it," he said honestly, giving you a smile.

"lo digo en serio."

"i believe you," he said before remembering he had a red-head to stop. "gracías de nuevo!" he said as he raced out the door.

you smiled as you stood there for a moment, looking at the spot where he just was. remembering there was flowers and orders to take care of you, you quickly got back to work.

The next day wasn't any different from any other normal day. a few people would trickle in and out, placing orders and such. so when the door bell rang out, you weren't exactly in any hurry to wait on them. most people liked to look around some first anyways.

"ill be with you in just a moment!" you called, finishing writing some details down about an order for later. no response was said, making you question whether there was actually someone that had walked in or not. looking around the the corner, you were met with the same triplet you had just spoken to yesterday.

"bruno?" you called to him. he spun around to face you, having been looking at the flowers around him and looking at some kind of list in his hand. "did pepa make the list?" you joked, walking around the counter to stand in front of him.

he laughed a little. "no, i think she's still working on it. wants to make sure she got everyone who she thinks deserves one," he playfully rolled his eyes. "i actually came to return your book."

you furrowed your eyebrows, confused, as he handed you back the book. had he not enjoyed it? of course, he has other things to worry about. he wouldn't waste his time learning flower language. "was there something wrong with it?" you asked softly.

"no, it was a great book. i, um, i actually finished it last night," he said, looking down at his shoes, trying to hide the slight blush that crept across his face.

"you read it all last night?" he nodded, looking up at you with a bashful grin.

"and i–well, i wrote down some of the flowers that would help me get a certain message across and i was wondering if you'd put the bouquet together for me," he asked, getting quieter as he spoke, like he was embarrassed. he wouldn't meet your eyes as he handed you the list. you were confused until you read the list.

you weren't sure why but your heart sank a bit reading the list.

flower list

pink peonies

carnations

alstroemeria

ranunculus

pink peonies meant romance and bashfulness. the ranunculus symbolized charm and attraction. the carnations were for fascination and new love. the alstroemeria were for friendship and devotion.

bruno madrigal had a crush.

you weren't sure why that made you slightly upset. it wasn't like you were close to him. he probably didn't even know you existed until yesterday and now he wanted your help to catch the eye of some lucky person in the encanto.

"well...this is certainly quite the arrangement. they must be for someone special," you said quietly, getting busy with collecting the flowers.

he chuckled nervously, rubbing his hand along his arm. "w-well, i thought about the traditional flowers like roses or lilies, but those tend to come off a little strong, so i tried for something that still showed my...um, feelings, but also show that, should something start between us, we can take things slow, grow from a friendship and so on," he rambled, not sure if he was making any sense.

"i get it. that's sweet," you smiled softly at him, earning a smile back from him.

it fell back into a silence as you finished gathering the flowers. but it wasn't a comforting silence like yesterday. there was more tension in the air. you also couldn't help the sad look on your face as you walked around.

the silence was killing bruno. he had never spoken to you before yesterday and he loved it, even if it was a short conversation. he liked the sound of your voice. he just wanted to keep talking to you, but something seemed to be bothering you as you walked around gathering the flowers. he was nervous handing you the list, knowing you knew what they meant, worrying you'd figure it out.

"to answer your question, yes, the person is special. they're someone ive admired from a far for a while but i think it's time i did something about it," he said, head facing the floor but peaking at you through his eyelashes as you made your way back to the counter. you only hummed, acknowledging that he had spoken, a smile forming on your face disappearing as quickly as it had appeared.

"well, whoever it is, i hope they know how lucky they are," you said quietly, wrapping paper and ribbon around the arrangement and handing it to him with smile.

"gracías," he said, looking over the arrangement, admiration in his eyes. "es bonita. i hope they like them."

"de nada. i hope so, too" you said a tiny bit of sadness leaking into your voice. sure it hurt to see him thinking about someone else, but it wasn't like you two really knew each other. you did know that you just wanted him to be happy.

he gave you another nervous smile before turning and walking out the door. you watched him leave before going to put the book back upstairs with a sad sigh. while you were putting it away, you heard the bell again.

"un minuto!" you called before going back downstairs, but you soon stopped in your tracks, confusion taking over your face.

"is there something wrong with the flowers?" you asked bruno, who was now standing back in the shop, his face a dark shade of pink and a nervous look on his face.

"no, nothings wrong with the flowers. actually, i...i was just delivering them," he said, extending the bouquet out towards you. your head tilted to the side, still confused.

"delivering them? i thought that was what you were doing when you left?"

"w–well, i really walked out so i could have a moment to gather myself. the flowers...theyre for you," he said, his nervousness more apparent as he started to rock slightly from his heels to his toes, back and forth.

"me?" he nodded, his eyes big and hopeful.

he opened his mouth to speak, but the words died before they could come out. he took a couple of deep breaths and tried again. "i don't expect you to return my feelings, and id be okay if we were even just friends if that's what you wanted. but i do know that ive seen you out on deliveries, taking bouquets to people, and i always thought you were muy bonita, and i was too nervous to talk to you. so when Pepa came in yesterday and we got to talk to you, and i just wanted to keep talking to you. even if you don't like me back, id still like to be friends, you're just really cool and funny and smart and prett—"

he was cut off by you suddenly springing forward, hugging him, your hands around his neck. it took him a moment to process it but once he did, he wrapped his arms back you, holding you close, relishing in this moment. when he breathed in, he could help but take in your scent. you smelled like the room full of flowers and it was intoxicating.

when you finally pulled back, you smiled at him with the biggest smile on your face. taking the flowers from him you felt your smile grow impossibility bigger.

"gracías, bruno." you said, going behind the counter and finding a vase to put them in. taking one of pink peonies and handing it to him. his own smile grew, as he recognized the meaning of it.

you liked him back.

"really?" he asked. he had been expecting you to say you weren't interested in him like that.

you nodded, giggling. "really." you stuck your hand out for him, which he hesitantly took, and you interlaced your fingers, making his heart soar. "come on, i can teach some more about flower language. if you'd like."

"i'd like that a lot!" he said, making you both laugh as you pulled him along, as you started teaching him all kinds of things about flowers, and he followed you along with admiration and awe in his eyes as he listened and watched you.

#abuela alma madrigal #bruno madrigal #bruno madrigal x reader #madrigal family #madrigals #the madrigals #encanto #madrigal triplets #pepa madrigal #julieta madrigal #bruno x reader #bruno fanfic #young!bruno

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idy-ll-ique · 3 years

Text

My Little Secret.

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Innocent!F!Reader

Genre : Fluff, little bit of Angst

Warnings: none

Requested: nope

Summary: Y/N listens to music 24/7 on Spotify. At first Ransom is irritated, but now he knows just how to use the application to his benefit. I mean, come on, it can't be considered stalking if it's his wife, right?

Author's Note: Hiya peeps! oml a ransom drysdale fanfiction 😳 if I ever meet this asshole in real life I'd sock him in the jaw but in fiction? mamma mia. enjoy!

---

Does she really love an app more than me?

Ransom scoffed to himself as he opened his laptop, clicking on the music app, Spotify. He rarely used it, but his wife was obsessed with it. She listened to music 24/7; singing along to the soft tunes in her playlists while working, reading, cleaning, cooking, anything. Ransom thought it was insane how submerged she was in the activity.

Until that activity gave him an upper-hand in their relationship.

When he had first opened the app on his laptop, he was a tad bit surprised at the "Friends Activity" feature. He saw her account. Then, as more months passed, he started noticing how when she was happy, she'd always be listening to some happy playlist, when she was sad she'd be listening to sad songs, et cetera. And he started using it to his advantage.

Now, everyday before leaving his office he'd check the app to see what playlist she was listening to. If it was a happy, dance playlist, well and fine. But a sad one? Ransom's mood would also sour because my darling is not feeling okay. While going home, he'd buy something for her; mostly flowers or chocolates, or a nice little trinket that he'd find in the displays of shops that he thought his wife would enjoy.

He never told her about it. What he was doing would be considered stalking but come on, is it stalking if she's your wife? As the app finally loaded, his eyes immediately strayed to the Friends Activity and his heart clenched when he saw her listening to her sad playlist that she had named Melancholy. Sighing, he turned off the laptop and left his office for the night.

As he drove back home, he stopped outside a flower shop and bought an adorable little bouquet of mixed flowers. "She'll love it," the florist assured him, assuming he was buying it for his significant other. He gave her a quick smile and got back into the car, driving home as fast as he could. When he reached home, his heart broke at the sniffle he heard.

"Kitten?" Y/N's head shot up at her husband's voice as she hurriedly wiped her tears, getting up from her spot on the couch. "Hi, welcome home," she whispered, giving him a quick peck on the lips, smiling widely to avoid being caught. "Hello, how was your day?" He wanted to sigh, to chide her for keeping her bad mood from him, but he only smiled at how cute she looked trying to hide her true feelings.

"It wasn't bad! So, shower first and dinner later or dinner first?"

Now was the time. "Kitten, the truth, please. How was your day?" He raised a stern eyebrow when her face fell. How does he always read me so well? Knowing she couldn't hide now, she hung her head low as her shoulders sagged. "It was bad," she muttered. Ransom pulled her close, her head resting on his chest, his chin atop her head. "What happened? I swear if it's those fucking coworkers of yours—"

Her silence gave him the answer. The thing is, when Ransom and Y/N had started going out, everyone in the city was shocked. A cute, innocent little thing like her dating an asshole like him? Why? She had lost quite a few friends when she told them, but Ransom was there for her. "You don't need them, you have me." He was right. While the world saw him as a first-class jerk, he was the softest soul with her.

Her priorities were always placed before his. He took care of her, treated her like no previous boyfriend of hers had, and within 2 years of dating, he had proposed. People were even more shocked. She managed to get him to settle down?! How?! Then the gossip began. "He has to be cheating, I mean look at him. Look at her," she had heard one time after the engagement. That had made her super upset.

"Ransom, they're talking… someone said you were cheating on me…" She had broken down on his chest that night, crying her eyes out. And Ransom had immediately switched off the television. He sat up, holding her close. "You know I'd never do that, angel. Why would I, when you're with me? Do you really think those women out there have the same effect on me that you do? Huh?"

"Well, they said… they said I was ugly."

"What?! Those fucking whores—"

"Ransom, don't call them that," she had chided, swatting his chest. He caught the hand and brought it to his lips, kissing each fingertip. "If it makes you feel better, no, I'm not cheating on you. I love you a little too much to do that. You mean the world to me, Y/N, there's no one on this planet I'd rather be with than you. And you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen, in and out," he told her sincerely.

Her crying ceased. "Thank you." And he held her close the entire night, rubbing her back as she slept on him. People talking about him? He could handle that, God knows he had been handling that for years. But them talking about her? His perfect, angelic, goddess-like fiancée? No, no, he wouldn't handle that. That whole thing was 4 years ago. People still talked.

"What did they say to you, Y/N?" he asked, coming back to the real world.

"They asked me why I was still with you." He exhaled loudly through his nose when Y/N's arms tightened around him. "I told them I loved you. You are nice, you're not what everyone says you are. But then Amy talked about… about how you used to be— what was the word she used? Oh, uh, yeah, she said you were something of a Casanova before you met me. But I told her that was over."

His arms snaked around her waist, his fingers gently dancing over her hips as she continued speaking. "She insisted that people can't just change over a small period of time. I tried ignoring her but then she started gossiping with someone else about you. And then I snapped at her. But you know me…" Ransom hummed, pressing his lips to her forehead.

His wife had a docile soul. Everything from her looks to her mannerisms was soft. She couldn't yell, she couldn't tell people off— she was too pure to do that. The world needed people like her, to be honest. That was also one of the things he liked about her. Sometimes, he thought about how beneficial it would be for her to hold her own in a fight, but his ego shoved the thought down each time.

He liked being her big protector. He loved taking care of her like that. "Yes, I know, angel. You're too good for this world, you know that?" he mumbled, slightly pulling away from her so he could cup her face, looking into her eyes. She huffed and looked away. "I'm too soft. I can't help it. I don't want to be this way." He chuckled and leaned over to kiss her. "Oh no, you should definitely be this way."

"Why?"

"Because it suits you. Don't change for people who don't even care about you. I like you like this; gentle, caring… you have the biggest heart in the world, Y/N. And I want to keep it that way. Don't let people ruin your innocence. Keep being you." He pressed her closer when she started sniffling again. "You're too good to me," she pouted and he laughed. "That's my duty as your husband, kitten. Look, I bought flowers."

He took out the bouquet from his bag, smiling when Y/N's eager hands accepted it. "Thank you! Oh, these are so beautiful! Let me replace the flowers in the vase on the dining table!" Squealing, she walked away from him, leaving him to stare after her with an infatuated smile. You have no idea what you do to me, angel.

---

"Night, Ran," Y/N yawned, keeping her phone away. He held his arm up and Y/N snuggled into his side, allowing him to wrap his arm around her side. "Night, sweetheart," he whispered, leaning down to kiss her nose. He watched TV for some time until the match got boring; then he switched it off and carefully lay down on the bed, about to doze off when Y/N's phone rang. He blinked. Who'd be calling at his hour?

He lifted the phone off the nightstand, grimacing when he saw the Caller ID. Amy. As soon as he picked the phone up, Amy started blabbering. "Hi! Sorry I'm calling so late, Y/N, but I wanted to apologize for how I spoke to you at work today. It was wrong of me, really, I hope you can forgive me!" Ransom stayed silent, his jaw clenched. He had been hearing that line for years.

"Ransom, it's okay, she apologized, she won't be doing it again. She told me so herself!"

It was never the last time.

"Are you done?" he snapped and Amy froze on the other side. "M-Mr Drysdale—" "Listen, I don't want to hear it. I'm not Y/N; she has a heart of gold, God, I wonder why I let her hang out with people whose hearts are made of pure shit. How many times have you apologized for the same thing, huh? Using my girl's pure heart to your fucking advantage like that?"

"You're being—"

"I'm being what? I'm being rude? Who started it? If you ever mention our marriage in front of Y/N again, I'll have your fucking head." Amy bristled on the other side. "Are you threatening me?" Ransom smirked. "If you don't want to be threatened, I suggest you keep your nose out of other people's business. What mine and Y/N's relationship is like is no one's concern."

Amy stayed silent. "Gossiping won't get you anywhere. I have the best lawyers in the city, and I swear, if Y/N comes crying to me one more time about how someone was rude to her, I'll sue. Trust me, I will take legal action. Is that understood?" Amy quaked at his menacing tone. "Y-Yes, sir." Ransom's lips curled into a devious smile. "Great." And he ended the call.

"Ransom, who was that?" Y/N sleepily murmured next to him. She hadn't heard a word of the conversation, but could tell he was on the phone. "No one you need to worry about, sweetheart, go to sleep. I'm here." He lay down next to her, pulling her close. "You know, I have a question." He nodded at her to go on. "How do you always know when I'm going to be in a bad mood?"

"What do you mean?" he smiled, knowing exactly what she meant. "I mean, I have been wondering for years! Everytime I happen to be in a bad mood, you bring home a gift. It's like— it's like you can read my mind! How?! It can't be a coincidence, it has happened a lot of times for it to be a coincidence," she rambled and Ransom's heart fluttered at how innocent and adorable she looked.

"I have my ways," he teased, lightly poking her nose. "You're not gonna tell me, are you?" she pouted and he couldn't help but lean forward, pressing his lips to hers. "Nope, just so I can keep surprising you." She giggled, snuggling further into his arms until her face was pressed into his bare chest. "I love you so much, Ransom," she whispered. "I love you more, my sweet little angel."

Both of them went to sleep with giddy smiles on their faces.

Oh, and the Spotify thing? That was his little secret. Shh, don't tell anyone!

---

A/N: Leave a like if you enjoyed, thanks for reading!

#ransom drysdale x reader #ransom drysdale x you #ransom drysdale x y/n #ransom drysdale x female reader #hugh ransom drysdale #ransom drysdale fluff #knives out #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x female reader #chris evans characters #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

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parkerslatte · 3 years

Text

Years Passed [Chapter Three]

Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Part Summary: After Spencer asks Y/N our for coffee, the two share about their unlucky love lives.

Warnings: mentions of death, mentions of maeve, mentions of surgery

previous chapter / next chapter

Years Passed Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Taglist

***

CHAPTER THREE: CASE CLOSED

In the days following since Spencer showed up at Y/N’s apartment, she had been quite lonely. Harper’s school had started back up so she was gone the majority of the day leaving the house in silence. The constant giggles of her daughter were absent for six of the twenty four hours. Of course, Y/N took this as an opportunity to finish a commission she had been working on these last few weeks. The smell of paint was evident in the air causing Y/N to open all the windows around her. Y/N enjoyed painting very much but she missed the smaller version of her by her side, questioning everything she did and copying it to her best ability.

The slip of paper that Spencer’s phone number was written on was sitting not too far away from Y/N and she would find herself occasionally glancing over to it. She did want to call Spencer but she didn’t want to seem too eager, and besides, he was working a case, there was no way he had the time for her.

Seeing Spencer again wasn’t exactly on Y/N’s bucket list. Ever since she moved back six months ago, she hadn’t run into him once and he never even crossed her mind. However, once she saw him just days ago, she thought about him at least once a day. None of the thoughts were exactly bad, she just wondered if he had a family. If he was still interested in the same thing he was thirteen years ago. If he was the same Spencer she loved thirteen years ago. Shaking her head clear of any thoughts of Spencer, Y/N continued to paint the canvas that stood in front of her while softly singing along to the music that drowned out the silence.

Y/N had only been painting for what she guess was another fifteen minutes before her phone started to ring from across the room. Groaning, as she had just gotten into a rhythm of painting, she walked over and looked at the caller ID. The number didn’t have a name but she recognised it - it was Spencer’s number.

“Hello?” Y/N answered.

“Hi, Y/N. It’s Spencer.”

“Spencer, hi. What’s up?”

“I was just calling because we caught the guy who abducted Ava.” Spencer said.

“That’s good. Is she okay?” Y/N questioned quickly.

Spencer paused, “She’s alive, she’s in hospital currently. If we didn’t get to her in time there was a chance that she wouldn’t make it.”

“But she is alive.” Y/N clarified.

“Yes, and the doctors say that she will make a recovery.”

“Thank god.” Y/N said, placing her hand over her heart.

“You okay?” Spencer questioned.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine. I’m just glad that Ava is okay.” Y/N replied.

“We all are.” Spencer responded.

The two fell into a long silence, normally if this happened someone would hang up however neither of them did. Y/N wanted to say something but she didn’t know what to say. She did want to continue speaking to Spencer but she didn’t exactly know how to approach the topic. Luckily she didn’t have to say anything.

“Do you want to go and get coffee, um, with me?” Spencer asked.

“Um, sure, when?” Y/N asked, suddenly feeling a weight lift off her chest.

“Now? Only if you’re not doing anything, if you are we could always reschedule and have coffee another time.” Spencer rambled.

Y/N couldn’t help but let a small smile appear on her face, “Coffee sounds great Spencer, text me where.”

“Okay, okay, I will, I’ll see you soon Y/N.” Spencer replied, suddenly sounding perkier.

“See you soon.” Y/N responded before hanging up

***

As Y/N stepped through the doors to the cafe, she immediately looked around for Spencer. She found him sitting at the back corner of the cafe. As their eyes met, a wide smile spread across Spencer’s face as Y/N began to walk over. When she was finally standing at the table Spencer’s gaze didn’t move from Y/N for a second.

“Hi.” Y/N greeted with a smile.

“Hi.” Spencer responded, his smile that Y/N could recognise anywhere still evident on his face.

Y/N sat in the seat across from Spencer and got comfortable. Once she looked down she noticed that there were two cups of coffee on the table.

“I don’t know if you still like your coffee like that but if you don’t I can always get you another cup.” Spencer said nervously.

Y/N smiled, touched at the simple action, “You still remember my order?”

Spencer felt his face heat up slightly, “Yeah, I do.”

Y/N smiled at him, causing Spencer to clear his throat, “So how have you been?” He asked, changing the subject.

“I’ve been good,” Y/N responded, “I’ve been settling in since I moved back here six months ago from England. Normally I would settle in quicker but Harper took a little longer to adjust.”

“Why did you move back?” Spencer asked curiously.

“I loved living in England but being away from my family and friends was always hard and I couldn’t exactly afford to keep coming back and I couldn’t keep taking Harper out of school to have a small holiday to visit her family. I wanted her to get to know them in person not just through a screen,” Y/N explained, “Harper has loved being around her family since we moved.”

“She seems great,” Spencer said, “Harper that is.”

Y/N smiled at the thought of her daughter, “She is. Harper is the greatest thing to ever happen to me, I don’t know what I would do without her.”

“How old is she?” Spencer asked, genuinely interested.

“Seven, she’s eight in a couple weeks,” Y/N said, “I can’t help but feel a little sad about it. Like I know she’s going to grow up but these years seem to have flown by. I feel like it was only a week ago she learnt how to walk, now she’s practically running everywhere,” Y/N was lost in thought for a quick moment before she snapped herself out of it, “Anyway, that’s enough about me for now, how’s the FBI been treating you?”

“It’s been treating me fine.” Spencer said, the grin on his face faltering.

Y/N narrowed her eyes momentarily, “Are you sure? I may not be a profiler Spencer but I can tell that you’ve been through a lot,” Y/N said as Spencer made eye contact, “You wanna know how I know that?” Spencer nodded slightly, “It’s your eyes, they used to be so innocent, now they’re filled with sadness.”

Spencer cleared his throat, breaking eye contact, “I, um, I’ve seen a lot and I’ve been through a lot.”

“I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been through,” Y/N said sympathetically, “Thirteen years working for the FBI. I can’t even wrap my head around how long it’s been.”

“Me neither,” Spencer agreed, “You have a sadness in your eyes too.”

“Excuse me?” Y/N questioned.

“You have sadness in your eyes too,” Spencer repeated, “The only time it disappeared was when you were talking about Harper.”

Before Y/N could stop herself, she nodded her head, confirming Spencer’s comment, “I do. For the last eight years everyone has commented on it - around this time of year too.”

Spencer could tell that Y/N was abou to tell him why she felt the way she did but he was quick to interrupt her, “You don’t need to tell me Y/N.”

“No, it’s fine, seriously, practically everyone knows,” Y/N said before taking a deep breath, “My husband and Harper’s father, Owen, well he was in an accident and had to have surgery. We were told that there was a seventy-five percent chance the surgery would be successful. It was successful for the most part, he was like himself, always around Harper, playing with her.”

Y/N found herself smiling at the memory of Harper playing with her father, “However, after a couple of weeks, he began to find himself getting more tired than usual. He just thought that it was the stress of work but he began to get worse to the point that he couldn’t get out of bed without him being in constant pain.” Y/N stopped her story for a moment, she never had a problem explaining this story before, but being the time of year it was, she was having a hard time.

“He was on so much medication just so he could actually walk around. Both of us knew that he didn’t have long left. I never wanted to make peace with that, I kept denying the inevitable saying that he was going to get better and we would be the happy family I always wanted. Deep down I knew that would never happen but I couldn’t help but lie to myself,” Y/N took a deep breath, by now her eyes were glossy with tears.

“The one thing Owen wanted was to make it to Harper’s first birthday,” Y/N said, “He died four days before.”

“I’m sorry Y/N.” Spencer said sincerely, he contemplated reaching across the table to take her hand and give her a bit of comfort but thought better of it.

“It’s okay,” Y/N said, “Normally when I tell people about Owen, I don’t normally get this upset about it, at least I don’t anymore. But since it’s coming up to the anniversary of his death, I guess I just can’t help myself from feeling this way. Sorry for dumping all of that on you, I don’t know why I did it.”

“Y/N, it’s fine, seriously.” Spencer said.

Y/N gave Spencer a tight lipped smile, “So what about you Spencer Reid, do you have a family?”

Spencer shook his head, “If you mean an actual family as in a wife and kids, I don’t.”

“Why’s that? Do you ever want a family?” Y/N asked.

Spencer nodded, “I’d like nothing more in the world,” He said, “You don’t mind if I talk about something personal do you?”

“I mean I just did so I’m sure it’s perfectly reasonable for you to share too.” Y/N said.

Spencer cleared his throat before speaking, “Well a few years ago I had a girlfriend, Maeve. She was being stalked so we only communicated through phone calls,” Spencer began to explain, “We never saw each other but I fell in love with her. The only time I saw her was when she was killed in front of me by her stalker,” Spencer paused, “I thought that when we could eventually see each other then we could start a family, get married, have kids. Of course that could never happen but I could only think of what would’ve been.”

“I’m sorry Spence,” Y/N said, unconsciously reaching across the table and gently placed her hand on top of his. Neither Y/N nor Spencer thought any different of it and Spencer squeezed her hand as a silent thank you.

“I haven’t really felt a connection to anyone after Maeve, not enough to fall in love with.” Spencer said.

Y/N nodded in agreement, “Ever since Owen died, I haven’t really had a long term relationship, none of them lasted more than a few months at most. Some of them just thought of it as a fling, some of them couldn’t handle the responsibility of being a parent and some of them were scared off by the thought of me being a mother.”

“You’ll find the right person eventually.” Spencer said.

“And you will too Spencer, and you’ll get to start your family.” Y/N said, offering a small smile to which Spencer returned with one of his own.

Looking down at her phone, Y/N’s eyes widened slightly, “Is that the time? I’ve got to go now, I need to pick Harper up from school.”

“Of course.” Spencer said, removing his hand from Isla’s after he had noticed that they were still connected.

Y/N stood up, slinging her bag over her shoulder before turning back to Spencer, “This was fun, we should do it again soon but I’m buying the coffee next time.”

Spencer let out a quiet chuckle, “That’s only if you’re here before me.”

“Oh I will be,” Y/N said, “I’ll see you soon Spence.”

Y/N gave him a parting smile before turning and walking out the cafe to go and pick up her daughter.

PERMANENT TAGLIST

@spenxerslut @averyhotchner @drayshadow @moviequeen51 @spencer-reid-am-i-right @ssavanessa22 @amurderofcrowsinatrenchcoat @mbjackie @jklemps @reformedmoneyshovel @nomajdetective @jesuisbenny @jooniehomie @spencerreid-187 @onyourfingertips @uhuhuh @rubyhi208-42 @archer561 @c0rpsecore @sweetandsunny @zoeygraygubler @algonsa @jswessie187 @shemarmooresfedora @kaz-2y567 @alfonsais @aikrus @nani-2305 @death-becomes-her @sarejane @isabelle-558 @measure-in-pain @the-nerd-gang @manuosorioh @luredwithpretzels @ceeellewrites @totallyclearwitch @jekkles @this-is-doctor-and-its-calm @sarahpaulsonlov3r @periwinklemax @kuolonsyoja @heartmira @hoodpankow @parahmur @happymangospot @beepbooptoop @ilovespencerreidmarryme @spencesoulmate25 @bloodyxheaven @nyx2021 @morganwilliams @malindacath @pastelbabygirl19 @doctorspenceryeet @reidsbookclub @pinkdiamond1016 (will be continued in reblog)

SERIES TAGLIST

(Will be added in reblog)

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid series #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader

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