#ill be sad to leave his practice and hope that my next doctor is as good a guy

[ah-ga-seven]

No More Pain | Jung Jaehyun

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x Fem!reader 

Synopsis: The lingering wounds of your miscarriage have reopened. Now that you are broken up, an unforseen change in Jaehyun’s life has brought him back to your doorstep. Will he be able to fix you this time? Or will he fail just the same as before?

Genre: Angst, One Shot. 

Warnings: mentions of the reader having a miscarriage, depression, alcohol addiction and heartbreak.

Word Count: 2.8k

A/N: Probably one of the heaviest angsts I’ve written. I know the subject is rough but the idea came from a dream so I just had to write it down.

This was a different kind of pang to your heart.

You’ve had your fair share of tragedies, heartbreaks and disappointments, but this…

This feeling was nothing like anything you’ve ever felt before and quite frankly, you wouldn’t wish this upon your greatest enemy.  

It was a Thursday night, one like many where you decided to stay in and recharge from a busy day at your demanding job.

You were seated on your couch with a hot cup of tea as you mindlessly scrolled through your Instagram feed. Completely wrapped in the warmth of your favorite fleece blanket. But even the thick fluffy material couldn’t protect you from the cold shivers that ran down your spine.

You blankly stare at the post your best friend forwarded to you via dm and stiffened.  

Memories of the night you miscarried 4 months into your pregnancy flood back to you as you stare at his comment.

You remembered how broken he looked when the doctor couldn’t find the baby's heartbeat anymore.  

You remembered how he held you as you cried in his arms, promising that he’d love you just the same as he tried to console you to his best ability while suffering himself.

You remembered the pain and the relief of having Jaehyun by your side through it all. Glad that even though your life was about to change forever, he’d be the one constant thing you could rely on.

You remembered all of these moments like they happened yesterday, wishing future you could mentally prepare past you for what was going to be the hardest time in your life.  

The man who swore never to leave you did just that, and not even 6 months into his new relationship, your biggest insecurity was made into a reality.  

He had moved on for good, and even though you have no ill feelings towards him, you can’t help but feel anger over sadness right now.  

It was that easy to replace you. And that easy for him to find someone that could give him what you couldn’t.

Even though your miscarriage wasn’t the direct cause of why he left, the effects of the incidence on your mental health dragged him down with you. So both of you felt it’d be better to part ways for the sake of not wanting to hate or resent each other in the end.  

But God…you hated and resented him now more than ever.  

It didn’t matter to you that both of you started to date new people, because a part of you always held on to the fact that you’d somehow find your way back to each other, though the probability of that ever happening again turned to ash.

Your miscarriage broke you.  

No appetite for weeks, no motivation to get yourself out of bed and no cure for the monsters in your head who told you that Jaehyun was only sticking around out of pity for your broken state.

That same insecurity is what drove him into the arms of the women he told you not to worry about, and now they’re having a fucking child together.  

Knowing that that should’ve been you was a thought that was just too much to bear right now. You suddenly feel sick to your stomach, tears prickling your eyes as you rub the spot on your belly where the mini bump used to be 8 months ago.

You were finally doing better, thriving in your job and social life. Meeting new people and dating a few loose ends here and there, but you can already feel yourself spiraling back into old depressional habits as you stare at the picture once more.  

You pettily decide to like it, hoping it would spark interest from none other than your ex, and much to your surprise, it did.

Not even 20 minutes later your phone started to buzz on the counter as you poured yourself a glass of wine. You mindlessly retrieve it, expecting it to be your best friend but when you see his name as you take a sip you almost choke.

Is he serious?

You try to come up with what to say for the next 3 to 5 minutes but nothing in your head seems to translate your exact feelings to your fingertips.

You sigh in agony while leaning over on your kitchen counter with your phone still in your hands, reading his messages over and over again. You subconsciously start to bite your lip in deep thought, getting startled by your ringtone as your phone starts to ring in your grasp.

“Fuck,” you mumble to yourself, taking a big chug of the alcoholic beverage in front of you, putting on the bravest face and straightest posture to make yourself feel better before accepting the call.  

You knew you didn’t have to answer, but you were dying to hear what he had to say under these circumstances.  

“Y/N? Is that you?” His voice was unchanged. You didn’t know why, but you expected him to sound different, be different. Yet the same worry he’s always had for you was evident in his tone this time as well.

You clear your throat to avoid a voice crack and sigh. “Congratulations,” you tried to sound as genuine as you could, but you knew you sounded like shit.  

You start to play with the ends of your hair out of anxious anticipation, waiting for him to respond on the other end of the line.  

“I meant to tell you,” he starts. “I just…I didn’t know how and Chaeyoung suddenly uploaded the picture and-”

“Jae…please spare me the details,” you interrupt him. Saying his name like you used to felt like speaking a foreign language. He stayed quiet upon hearing your voice again and let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you still live in the same apartment in Itaewon?” he suddenly asks, immediately alerting you to stand up straight because he could only be asking for one reason and one reason only.

“Y-yes.”

“Good, I’m on my way.”

Just like that, he hung up and just like that your heart rate starts to race uncontrollably.  

You down the remnants of your wine glass and hope he’s isn’t too close because your place looked far from neat. For the next 15 minutes, you run around, shoving things into random cabinets. Whether those items belonged there or not was the least of your concern and just as you fluff the last pillow on your couch, your doorbell rings.

You take a deep breath, calming your nerves as you walk up to your front door, taking it off the lock before you open it with a dramatic swing.

There he was. Jung Jaehyun.

As beautiful and put together as he always looked, no matter the circumstance. You forget how to breathe when you lay eyes on him and gulp. It’s actually him.

His big dark orbs widened as he laid eyes on you after months of not seeing you. His facial expression softened, slowly parting his lips to speak but you beat him to it when you broke out of your trance.  

“What are you doing here?” your shoulders fall as you look into his eyes for answers. The same eyes that once looked at you with so much love and adoration, but right now his pupils were stressfully darting back and forth, trying to read you like he used to be able to but he had no idea what you were feeling right now.

“Because I feel like shit y/n. Please let me in and let me explain,” he pleaded with a defeated tone.

You scoff, rolling your eyes. “What is there to explain? You knocked up your girlfriend and finally got what you wanted. Why bother coming here? To rub it into my face?”  

Your plan of staying calm and collected went completely out the window just now and you could tell by the shock on his face that he did not expect you to be angry with him.

He took a step forward, backing you into your own hallway. His height towered over you when you stepped back and without looking back he closed the door behind him.

“Y/n. I would never purposely do that to you. Ever.” You ignore his statement, narrowing your eyes at him.

“I don’t remember inviting you in Jaehyun. Does she even know you’re here?”

You hold your ground, crossing your arms over your chest as you wait for him to counter your attack, but he simply shook his head. Knowing damn well that you’re acting tough just so you won’t get emotional.  

As he’s scanning the premises, his eyes linger on the red wine bottle on your kitchen counter and with a look of utter disbelief, he averts his attention back on you.

“You’re drinking again?” he asks with an almost condescending tone.  

“Did you come here to practice your parenting skills because no thanks Jae, please leave,” you bite back as coldly as you could, but he wasn’t having it.

“That shit almost killed you and you’re just casually drinking again?” He runs his hand through his locks out of pure frustration, not knowing what to do with the misplaced feeling of still caring for you just the same, while also knowing he has no business to tell you how to live your life.

The truth is, Jaehyun had no idea what he was doing here. Everything about the situation felt wrong and he couldn’t lie to himself any longer. Ever since Chaeyoung told him she was pregnant; he couldn’t be fully happy about it. He couldn’t commit to fatherhood knowing how much it broke your relationship. How much it broke the women he loved most to this day.

“A little red wine didn’t hurt anyone,” you mumble under your breath and that comment alone send Jaehyun’s emotions into overdrive, unable to hide his disappointment and worry for you any longer.

“IT HURT YOU Y/N. DAMN IT!” He raised his voice at you as he roughly grabbed your arm to make you look at him, which is the last thing you expected. He wasn’t mad at you. He was mad at himself. Mad at the fact that he wasn’t there when you needed him most and mad at the fact that this is what your lives had come to.

You might have previously dealt with your pain by drinking, and you might have mindlessly mixed your anti-depressants with your drink once, which…just might have earned you a trip to the hospital, but that was your lowest low and you made sure it’d never happen again.

You beat your demons by yourself when he had already moved on, so he had no place to waltz back into your life when he felt like it, just to judge you.

You’re absolutely fuming by now because of that same reason and much to your dismay you feel new tears well up in your eyes.  

“NO, YOU HURT ME!” you yell back at him as you smack his chest, the salty droplets streaming down your face as you kept hitting his chest to make him feel your pain. “YOU LEFT ME.”

Your knees got weak and you knew you looked absolutely pathetic as you crouched down in front of him. Shock took over his features as he got down on his own knees just as quickly, pulling you into the comfort of his arms. The warmth that you used to call home and the warmth that always seemed to calm you down engulfed you completely, a feeling your favorite fleece blanket from before could hardly imitate.  

He patted your head with assuring strokes, whispering sweet nothings to you as he held you on the floor of your apartment. Letting you sob the pain away in his black shirt. “Shhh, it’s okay…” he kissed the top of your head, caressing your cheek as he wiped away your tears.

You calmed down slowly, ignoring the suffocating ache in your head and heart while he made you feel safe and sound like he always did. You sat there like that for God knows how long, letting your minds go into overdrive as silence comforted the both of you.  

Ironically enough, this scenery was the exact same as the one in the hospital 8 months ago. You cried in his arms just like this when you had lost your child, but now you were crying because you had lost him. For good now.  

“I would never purposely plan to have a baby this quickly y/n, you have to believe me. Chae was on birth control but it just…happened,” he whispers, finally breaking the agonizing silence.

You stay quiet, closing your eyes to the sound of his low voice, letting his words register. “I was going to tell you. I was planning to ask you out for a coffee but as soon as she passed her first trimester, she was just so excited and made the announcement…it was just bad timing.”

“All of this is bad timing,” you mumble, which made him nod in agreement. He sighed into your hair as he continued to explain. “Y/n, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t care for you anymore. I wish things were different, but they simply aren’t and I’m sorry.”

You sniff, dabbing your tears and your nose with the sleeves of your blouse before looking up at him through your lashes.

“You don’t have to apologize for moving on and being happy Jaehyun. It’s all I ever wanted for you.” You wipe the single tear that remained on the corner of his eye, not having realized that he shed a few tears himself too.

He leaned into your touch as he looked into your eyes before closing them, leaning his forehead onto yours while taking a deep breath.  

“I just want you to be ok.” He says suppressing a sob. “I can’t live this picture-perfect life knowing that you’re in pain y/n. It makes no sense; you deserve so much more it’s not fair.”  

Your lip starts to quiver as his words hit you, and you build up the courage to look at him again.  

He stared at you longingly and lovingly for the first time since forever and you knew a mistake was about to be made when he inched his face closer to you, but it was too late.

His lips made contact with yours and you completely gave in. Letting him lead you into a slow yet passionate kiss that took both of your breaths away.  Before things could get more heated, you realize what was happening and froze.

You take a hold of his wrists as you pull away, your eyes staring into his equally electrified ones as you recompose yourselves.

“I-I’m sorry,” he started. “I should’ve never confused you like that. Fuck. What the fuck am I doing.” He covers his mouth as he got up. Frustrated with his own behavior, he digs his fingernails into the palms of his hands to suppress the urge to swing at your door or any other object in sight for that matter.

You get up just as quickly as well. Straightening out your clothes before shaking off the nerves of what just happened.  

You take a deep breath followed by a shaky exhale as you opened your front door, turning around on your heels to look at an equally distressed Jaehyun.

He was about to speak; about to confess that he still loved you, but you stopped him by raising your hand, motioning for him to keep whatever he was about to say to himself.

Your eyes find his own and you take one last glance at the man that was supposed to be the pillar to your family. The man you used to call yours, and the man that you had hoped to still have a future with, despite everything.  

But you knew better.

You knew what was right and you knew what you had to do before things would start to spiral out of control again.

You stepped aside so he could pass by you, trying to avoid eye contact all while you could still feel his burning stare lingering on your fragile state.

You swallow harshly, licking your lips before you spoke as clearly and steadily as you could.

“For the sake of your family, please leave Jae…and never come back.”  

#jaehyun angst #jaehyun scenarios #jaehyun imagines #jaehyun imagine #jung jaehyun imagine #jung jaehyun imagines #jung jaehyun scenarios #jung jaehyun angst #jaehyun x reader #nct imagines #nct smut #nct angst #nct scenarios #nct 127 scenarios #jung jaehyun #jaehyun #jaehyun au #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop angst #jaehyun fanfic #kpop fanfic

[space-helen]

‘Meet My Sister’

Words: 986

Pairing: Pavel Chekov x Reader

A/N: Hope you enjoy!!

Request:  Oh I may have a Pavel Chekov request... reader is Pavels sibling and visits Pav on board of the Enterprise. He is VERY exited when he shows reader around the ship and "presents" them to his crewmates. He is very proud bc reader was the one who discovered time traveling which is now used in Starfleet (or will be used soon, whatever makes more sense). Does this even make sense?🤔 I hope so.. something cute with Pavel as the big teddy bear brother he is... I hope it's possible 🌹 - @hunters-rose

______________________

“Y/N!” you heard your brother call as you materialised onboard the Enterprise. 

“Pavel!” you called back and the two of you were crashing into each other's arms. You’d been separated for a long time.

“I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” you replied, pulling away and giving him a smile.

Someone clearing their throat caught your attention and you smiled at the man.

“Oh.” Pavel realised “This is Mr Scott, head of engineering.” 

You shook the man’s hand and he greeted you warmly. “Hi I’m Y/N. Pavels sister.”

“Y/N’s been heading the research into time travel.” Pavel blurted out and you felt your face get warm.

“I’d love to learn more. I’ve been following the progress.” Scotty admitted “However I need to get back to Engineering before Keenser blows something apart.”

You smiled “I’ll be sticking around for a while. I’m sure we can discuss it at some point.”

“I’ll catch you later.” 

You watched the man leave before speaking again “So when can I see my room?”

“I need to introduce you to others first!” before you could react his hand was around your wrist and he was dragging you through the corridors on the Enterprise. 

“Slow down.” you cautioned him.

“Doctor McCoy! Doctor McCoy!” he called down the corridor. The man in questioned turned around with a slight scowl on his face.

“What is it now?”

“Don’t be so grumpy Doctor.” Pavel tried to calm him “I would like you to meet my sister Y/N. She is heading the research and development of time travel technology within Starfleet.”

“Don’t you ever think that it’s going a bit too far?” the man questioned you with a raised eyebrow.

“Nothing is too far” you laughed “it will allow certain personnel to go back and review history and collect information as needed. Of course it needs to be left to the people most trustworthy.”

“Don’t you think the collection of information could be detrimental in some cases? Have we not documented things thoroughly enough?”

“As of the past few decades and possibly centuries we have. However we’ve seen certain illnesses or diseases return from seemingly nowhere especially on new planets. Take this for example, we could travel back to the british middle ages and take samples of the plague and study them properly in the future. Then if we come across something similar we have a base line and possible more effective cures. This isn’t a great need for planets like Earth but new planets we come across.” you paused briefly “Similar to how we meet planets that still have the common cold. We give them our cures and vaccinations to help out. Just because these thing don’t affect us anymore doesn’t mean it doesn’t affect others.”

“You’re a red shirt speaking like a blue shirt… are you sure you’re in the right colour?” The man joked.

“Well my original education was in medicine but I excelled at physics and engineering. You know Pavel graduated early and … well I also fast tracked through.”

“Of course you did.” he rolled his eyes “Well it was lovely to meet you but I have patients to see too. I’ll see you both around.” the man spoke quickly before fleeing down the corridor. 

Pavel stood next to you beaming. “What?” you questioned the man with a smile.

“The Doctor likes you.”

“He practically just ran away.”

“He told a joke. He likes you.” the man grabbed your wrist again “Let's go meet the Captain.”

“Woah. Not yet.”

“Why not.” the man continued to drag you through the corridors.

“He might be busy.”

“He’s not busy or doing anything important. If he was the Doctor would be on the Bridge.”

“What?” you asked, puzzled by the mans words.

“Doctor McCoy is always on the bridge when the Captain is in fear he may do something stupid. Since the Doctor is not on the Bridge the Captain is probably free and not dealing with important matters. He’s probably bickering with Spock somewhere.”

You laughed “I’ve heard a lot about everyone but this makes the ship sound crazier.”

“That’s because it is” he admitted. “Captain Kirk! Captain!” 

You sighed and looked up to see the Captain walking towards you. You knew the man’s face, there was no way you couldn’t know it.

“This is my sister-”

“Y/N” Jim held out his hand to you.

“Yeah” Pavel said puzzled “How did you know?”

“I stay up to date with her research. Who do you think okayed her coming on board?”

“That did not cross my mind. I was just excited for her to meet everyone.”

“Hi” you spoke “It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“You two know each other?” he looked between the two of you.

“We’ve had some meetings together to discuss bringing my research and development onto the Enterprise.” you looked at your brother and raised an eyebrow “Did you think I was here for a vacation?”

His mouth was slightly agape “Yes I did. But if you’re staying longer that’s even better.” the man began to beam with a smile once again.

“I was going to tell you when I got here but you decided to take me on a wild ride around the ship.” you laughed.

“He’s just doing what big brother’s do best.” the Captain laughed. “Anyway it was nice to meet you and a bunch of us are grabbing drinks later you should join.” 

You agreed and the Captain re-admitted himself to the bridge.

“Do you have any vacation time?” Pavel questioned “I took a couple of days off to spend with you.” his eyes looked slightly sad about not being able to spend whole days together.

“I do. I don’t officially start work on the Enterprise for four days.”

“Excellent because there’s more people I want you to meet.” you smiled and rolled your eyes. Allowing your brother to lead the way.

Tag List: (open)

Star Trek AOS: @spaskaalekha @obiwansjedi

All Star Trek: @morganofthecoves1  @livenerdyandprosper @allthetrek​ @mrs-l-mccoy @huntheimpossible

Pavel Chekov:

#pavel chekov x reader #chekov x reader #star trek x reader #star trek aos x reader

[cosmiclatte28]

Nightmare (Mark x reader)

Angst, major character is terminally ill (no need to proceed if you’re not comfortable with this, head to masterlist and see other works instead)

a/n : I swear this started as just a fluff or comfort for mark with a bad dream, but it took a toll and I ended up with an angst.. but ofc the end is not sad. I tortured you enough with the storyline. 

warning : language and illness

Prepare to slap me with keyboard smash as I once again tried to make an angst but it’s not enough to make you cry...

tagging @neopalette 

-- here we go --

“Shh, it was just a bad dream. Just a dream,” you shush your first and last as he shakes under the moonlight clinging into your shirt for dear life. “None of it was real Mark.” You run a hand on his hair while the other rubs soothing circles on his back.

His shoulder stops shaking but he’s still sobbing and controlling his breath.

“Sorry, I am so sorry.” He buries his head into his palm and sobs louder. You feel your heart aches as you see your love just cries there because of another bad dream for the fourth time this week but you cannot help him other than calming him down.

You’ve known Mark for six years, lived with him for three years and this is something you’ve never seen before.

“Calm down, follow me breathe Mark,” you squeeze his hand to get his attention to start copying your breathing.

“There, there.” You pull him to your hug and he leans into your shoulder like he really is afraid something will just snatch him away from you.

“Drink first?” you bring him a glass of water you kept on your bedside and Mark slowly gulps the water down.

“Thank you-“ he whispers with his croaky voice hoarse from crying.

You want to ask him what is it about, four consecutive nights with Mark just waking up in the middle of the night crying because of his dream. You know better not to ask for he will answer you and that will make him harder to sleep.

“I am messed  up, sorry (y/n),” he looks up to you with his red eyes and you see fear in them.

“It’s just another nightmare Mark, don’t give it a damn.” You smile and half lay down your body on the pillow before pulling him to rest his head on your chest so he can listen to your steady heartbeat. His eyes are open, piercing to the ceiling. Your fingers still run over his hair as you calm him down.

“I am afraid,” he murmurs after some time of silence.

You hum, so he knows you’re still awake and attentive.

“Afraid of what? You prepared a lot for your comeback, you’ll do great.” You smile feeling proud whenever you remember how hard he works for the coming project.

Mark’s lips tremble, for the last four days he always sees the same scene playing in his head. Something that makes him cry and jumps up awake lately.

There in his dream he vividly remembers you being snatched by a white light while he is forced to leave with a black shadow dragging him away from you even when he tries to take himself off and hold on to you, he can’t. He feels himself dragged into a dark pit where he can’t see you and before he knows what happens next, he always wakes up crying and panting. Then you would wake up and do the same cycle, calm him down, give him water, and stay up with him until he sleeps.

“Let’s get married.” Mark impulsively says and you shoot your eyes open, before giggling “What kind of joke is this again? Is this April fools?” you stop playing with his hair and instead runs your hand slowly to hug his waist.

Mark shakes  his head as he moves his body so he is facing you and your eyes. He scoots closer and you can see his eyes glassy “I said, let’s get married.”

You shake your head “We can’t,”

“Why?” he cuts you in before you can say anything.

“Because-“ you bite your lips. No, you cannot tell him why. He won’t like it. You look down to the sheets between you.

“Why? Why (y/n)? We’ve been wanting this since forever!” Mark frantically touches your face so you can keep your eyes on him.

“You just woke up from a bad dream Mark, we’re not talking about this now. Please go to bed. You’re not in your right mind. I’ll see you tomorrow.” You break your eye contact and turn your back on him

Mark freezes on his spot when he sees how your small shoulder looks weak and starts to shake slightly. Did he make you cry? His hand longs to touch your hair and rakes them like you did to him, but he remembers the day you told him you don’t feel comfortable with it. So he pulls his hand back.

He tries to reach for you but you pull the blanket to cover your body more before he had the chance.

Mark finally falls back to sleep after trying to figure out his dream which he gives up after ten minutes.

You cry in silence, afraid that Mark will see you sobbing alone. No, Mark should never know how much time you have left.

--

“Doctor, can I skip today’s session?” you quietly make a call to someone early in the morning on the kitchen before Mark wakes up.

“I have something more important to do.” You lied. Well you have no plan, you just don’t feel like taking in more chemicals into your body despite the experts saying it will saves you by some months.

“Please, I’ll be back for the next session. Promise.” You close your eyes as you feel your head spins again.

“Thank you-“ you say before quickly pushing the phone off and taking several pills into your mouth and pushing them with water.

“Honey? You okay?” Mark asks when he sees you gripping on the sink in the toilet with your phone on the floor.

You shake your head and fake a smile and look at Mark from your blurry vision full of tears “I am okay. Just washing my face.” You quickly pretend to splash water to your face.

“Oh, okay. Just let me know if you need anything.” He gives a small smile before leaving you alone.

Mark glances one more time to the pillow you slept on tonight, that’s an unusual amount of hair loss. Are you stressed? Why did he find a lot of hair falling on your side of the bed?

“I’ll be home for dinner.” Mark says before tucking on his shoes.

You nod “What do you want to eat? I don’t really want to cook maybe we can go out?” you ask, hoping he has the time.

Mark thinks for a while “Sure, I can do that. Where do you want to eat?”

You smile “Our first date place?”

Mark giggles “Sushi? You love that so much! Okay book a place for two for seven?” Mark asks and you nod. He presses a kiss on your lips before raising his hand to ruffle your hair only to pause mid-air when he remembers you also asking him to not play with your hair.

“See you, love you!” Mark kisses you one last time and then disappearing behind the door.

You finish your breakfast and gulp some more pills. “For Mark,” you whisper to yourself as you refill your medicine box with pills.

--

“It’s the same nightmare hyung-“ Mark shares his thought again to Taeyong today when the leader notices something off with their Mark.

“Have you tried asking her? Maybe she knows something about the dream?” Taeyong tries his best to help his brother. Seeing Mark sad and frustrated is hurting him.

“I can’t, she is also weird lately. Look, she doesn’t even want to answer my invitation to get married.” Mark suddenly changes topic and their leader is shocked about this.

“Woah that was fast. Maybe she wants a romantic one, not an impulsive one like what you did.” Taeyong shrugs his shoulder.

Mark nods “Maybe, you’re right. I’ll do it rightly. Thanks hyung.”

“Anytime Mark.” Taeyong forces a smile before burying his face to his palm after the guy is out. Did you really not tell him about your condition?

“(Y/n), as much as I love to cover up for you. You have to tell him. He’s your lover, he deserves to know it” Taeyong calls you the second he assures himself Mark is not around to eavesdrop.

“I will hyung, thank you just wait for some more time.” You bargain.

“Okay, just… I am sure he will be sad if you never tell him the truth.”

--

“Where is Mark?” Taeyong asks when he gathers the member to evaluate today’s practice.

“Gone to buy a ring.” Johnny shrugs his shoulder and Taeyong just lets him be.

Meanwhile Mark is rushing through the mall to get a diamond ring you’ve once mentioned to him. Taeyong’s right, he thought. You’re not answering him because he is not holding a ring. How silly of him.

You put on your first date dress, style your hair slowly and you put on your smile before finally taking a cab to the sushi place you first met Mark.

He was already seated in your reserved place. He looks stylish in his light blue shirt and his hair styled nicely.

“Hey, sorry for waiting.” You take your seat across him.

He doesn’t mind waiting for you. Both of you start talking about what happened today. Mark tells you about the practice and you just tell him you’re staying at home enjoying your day.

“I have something to say-“ both of you confess at the same time and stop at the same time “You first-“ both of you say that again and chuckle in embarrassment.

“You go first-“ Mark lets you have the chance and you contemplate. Should you tell him the truth? But if not now, when? What if time is cruel to you?

You take a deep breather and open your eyes “Mark, I am so sorry.” You start off.

He looks at you with a questioning face, “Sorry? What for?” he suddenly feels nervous, is this the part where you’ll confess you don’t love him anymore or maybe you cheated on him? Or he sees you walk with someone else and accuse him of cheating and then breaking up? Is this it? Mark has so many in his head but he’s nervous as he sees you also nervous to confess.

“What for sweetie, tell me..” Mark tries to reach for your hand but you hide them in your lap.

You close your eyes and spit the truth, (here goes nothing, you thought) “I am dying Mark.”

He opens his eyes wide, mouth shutting and opening like a fish, are you joking right now, is this a payback

“What? No- you’re-“ he stutters when you pull out your medicine box and show him your arm you’ve been hiding under long sleeves shirts.

Mark reaches out for your hand and examine the traces of needles on your skin. He shakes his head, is this what he is seeing in his dream? Is this the answer to the nightmares?

“I am so sorry-“ you weep, trying your best to not break down in front of him, but you can’t… not when you see how broken he looks like right now.

“Why? Why didn’t you tell me?” he asks softly, still remembering how you don’t like to get yelled at.

You feel tears falling, “I knew them too late Mark, stadium 4.” You try to smile from your pain but you can’t stop crying not when Mark starts to cry too.

“No baby, no  no you-“ He squeezes your palm when he sees you cry louder

“You can get treated, come on we’ll find the best doctor.” Mark already stands to your side and sits on your empty spot and hugging you close and tight.

He feels how skinny you’ve changed and his hand brushes your hair before noticing them falling down. He curses at himself for not noticing this sooner. You suddenly avoiding foods, not wanting him to touch your hairs, the fallen hairs on your bed side, your morning routine in the toilet. Your constant disappearance when he has tight schedules or tours. You must’ve been on the hospital when he has tours. That’s how you are always homed when he is home.

Mark feels his world falls apart. How come he did not know this. How come he lets you walk through this alone.

“How long baby?” he asks and you whisper “Last year I was diagnosed.”

He curses in his heart “Why didn’t you tell me sooner? You were fighting alone? If I know, I’d fight with you honey.” He tries to stop his crying but his tears can’t stop falling down.

“Sorry. I am so sorry Mark. I love you, I don’t want you to worry.” You hug him tighter.

Mark pats your back “Hey, you not telling me just makes me worry more. I even got bad dreams about this.” He shakes his head “Honey, tell me you’re doing something to cure this?”

You nod “I did, but they can’t. I just have months Mark.” You cry louder and that hurts Mark’s heart more than getting scolded by his trainer.

“Hey, don’t say that. Miracles happen. We’ll get through this. You’ll have more than months. I am here for you always.” Mark squeezes your shoulder as he sucks his tears in. No come on mark you got to be strong.

“I am not going to lose you honey. Tell me what we can do, I’ll do it with you.” He pulls back to see your face.

“Stop crying, we’ll get through this okay?” he wipes a tear that falls from your eyes.

You nod, though you know there’s not much left and nothing else can be done… you nod so Mark lee can be happy again.

“Now, as a promise. I will give you this.” He pulls out the box of ring he bought earlier, and you gasp “No way,” you close your mouth.

Mark smiles “Come on, I got the ring.” He pulls out the perfect diamond ring and slip it into your finger “I promise to be by your side as we both fight together.” He kisses you knuckles, and you cry louder. He pulls you to another hug “I heard people survive this when they have hope, faith and supports from their loved ones. Let me be in your survival story, I want to cross out our bucket list we made together.” He squeezes your hand, and you force a smile to your face. Mark totally makes you feel better. You will be ready even if you have to die now.

“I don’t deserve you, Mark.” You murmur.

He shakes his head “You deserve me, I deserve you. We are made for each other. Now, we will promise each other to walk together through storms and rainbows side by side. Don’t leave me and I won’t ever leave you, my first and last.” Mark kisses your temple, and you melt into his touch.

He is indeed something you’d never trade for in this world. Even if someone offers you a longer life, you will not ever trade it if Mark is not there.

end.

epilogue??

#multifandomnet #mark x reader #mark x you #mark lee x you #mark lee x y/n #mark lee x reader #mark angst #mark lee imagines #mark lee scenarios #mark lee oneshot #mark oneshots #mark imagines #mark scenarios #mark lee angst #mark lee fluff #mark lee fanart #mark fanart #nct angst #nct fanfic #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct soft imagines

[bloodredx]

Day 4: Medicine

It had been centuries since she first took up the practice, and if anyone knew the truth, one might argue that Lady Serena had invented the concept of modern medicine in Glacidea. She of course, would deny that if pressed, but fortunately no one would know to bring up the claim in the first place. One would just need to take one look around her office’s “collection of antique medical equipment” to see how things have changed over the years. Of course, these were really just a collection of favorite tools she herself used, some more delicate than others. Still, even knowing the good memories of helping people, saving lives, and removing pain from those who so desperately needed the care, the lingering knowledge of death would forever chase her.

Perhaps when she was younger, and felt more guilt over her position in unlife, particularly over the damage she had past caused, that death’s hand being right next to her own would have made her quiver. No longer, for Serena was now quite confident with the fact that Adamsa Frisay often accompanied her on her lonely walks down the hospital’s hallways. The God of the End was the most mysterious of the pantheon, but that never changed the sad kinship she felt when reflecting upon that inevitability, even for herself. Though she’d been plenty successful in not meeting him just yet.

Still, she was no god. And no matter what, people died. Her eyes scanned the test results quickly, keeping pace with the strip of paper the blood chemistry machine was printing out. “Lymphocytes dangerously low…” The doctor pulled up her patient’s chart as she remained unsurprised. His blood smelled that way, even as she loaded it into the machine. “Ketone high as well. Just into the brink of acidosis.”

The Lady took a sip from a coffee mug, cheekily printed with a label to “Donate Blood!” Of course the substance within was the result of such generosity, but the taste of good blood still didn’t overpower the smell of her patient’s blood. “Creatinine is also sky rocketing.” She tutted her tongue as she made notes in her precise cursive.

Icarus, who never felt truly comfortable in the lab, seemed able to put aside his general discomfort for once to take interest in his mentor’s work for once. “Do you always talk to yourself this much while working?”

Serena shot him a look with targeted precision. “Does it bother you?”

Her ward nearly recoiled, lifting his hands in defense. “Not at all. I meant to ask, does it help you?”

“Organize my thoughts, yes. I suppose it’s more routine at this point.” She laid her pen down on the counter, and pulled the read out of results from the printer. Another sip of her mug as she crinkled her nose. “Does the smell not bother you?”

“Of that man’s blood?” Icarus raised his brow. “A little, now that you mention it. But it’s still so intoxicating in any other way.”

“Hmm.” Serena noted his response before turning to face him, a stern expression on her face.

“What’s wrong with him?”

“He’s dying.” She took another measured sip of blood. “Critical failure of his kidneys and liver to an extent that he would not survive the wait list for a transplant. For either organ.”

Though it had been years that he’d known the Lady now, her bluntness never sat easy with him. Even more so at the weight for a potential death. “Anything you can do?”

“An ignorant question.” She concluded quickly. “There is much we can attempt, dialysis, intense regiments of drugs that would otherwise cause innumerable side effects to his overall quality of life. But the fact remains he was rolled into my ER unconscious and so affected by jaundice that even running these tests for a few minutes has cut off the effectiveness of any treatment by hours. Days even.”

“So you’ll let him die?” Icarus stood up, feeling heat coursing through his veins. Though he wasn’t sure what the cause was, certainly the Lady could be cruel, but she wasn’t heartless. At least not to that extent.

“Everyone dies, Icarus. Even us.” Her voice was icy, flat against the sterile lab environment. “But that being said, I have ideas of options for his family. Ultimately, that’s their choice, his fate. And you had best believe I’ll go through with any plan they approve to my best ability. I’ll move mountains, drain seas, and plug volcanos for them. But I am merely a medical tool, I can no better stop the inevitable than you can stop time eroding history.”

A silent standoff went off within Icarus’s mind. She was right on one level. But she did have other choices. One that most other doctors didn’t. “Have you ever thought about embracing someone?”

He regretted the question the second it left his lips, wincing reflexively to avoid the sour expression and lecture his mentor was sure about to bury him under. But after a few moments of extended quiet, he cracked an eyelid to see what stopped her from her relentless fury.

Instead of the traditional scowl, her face was heavy with an emotion he hadn’t seen on Serena. Was it sadness? Remorse? He couldn’t tell, but her lips frowned in a softer angle than he had seen before, and for once she had broken her near constant, near dominating eye contact. No, she was staring squarely at her own wrists, eyes following the too dark veins that crossed under her pale skin. She a drew a deep breath, one that both of them knew was unneeded, but still an element to any conversation, no matter the need of oxygen, before opening her mouth slowly to speak.

“I would love to lie to you and say no, it hasn’t.” A pause, unlike her. “But I am many things, a liar is not included amongst them.” A finger traced alongside the veins as she continued. “It would be very easy, the most perfect cure to illness, and a near perfect one to death entirely. And though I am quite content with my existence, I cannot find nor guarantee that anyone else would be. To be thrust upon bloodlust without even knowing it, to be so sick and nearly gone to meet the gods again, and then be thrown back to the world with such darkness taken within them. I cannot ordain such behavior.

“There was an opportunity long ago where I could have done so to save someone I loved above all else at the time, to change the entire history of my world. But I wouldn’t, no, couldn’t do it. And the world has never been the same for me since.” She stepped away from the counter, taking a few stride to where Icarus was sitting, all in order to place a calm hand on his shoulder. “I cannot ask someone to follow me to where I am, but I have thought of it. It’s almost a feature of the blood; that we make more of ourselves to survive. However, I only ask that if you come upon the chance to find yourself in my shoes, that you won’t fall back to the easy fix, the snake oil cure. Vampire blood does much, but it takes much more than it gives. Practice good medicine in all that you do. I would hope I’ve rubbed off enough on you to leave you with that guidance if nothing else.”

Icarus felt himself frown as he tracked the glow of light in her brown eyes. What could he say in response to that? Certainly nothing snippy as he normally would, no. Heaviness sat in the air a moment, lingering like cigar smoke before he broke her gaze. “Of course, Lady Serena. I won’t do anything to disappoint you.”

Her hand dropped down to his, lifting them to chest level as she squeezed them tightly. “I know you won’t.”

The tenderness struck him, but then again so did everything else about this exchange. And he knew a little bit better the exact person his mentor was. While he could do little in the nature of medicine that she could, he could at the very least go on with the same grip on existence. “You have a life to fight for.” He returned the squeeze to her hand before letting go with a little push.

Her normal features snapped back into place, resetting the scene as if it had never happened in the first place. “That I do. Please excuse me.”

(OC-tober challenge by @oc-growth-and-development can be found here)

#Lady Serena #Icarus #vampire #oc-tober #oc tober #blood #medicine #death #dying #writers on tumblr #bloodredx writes #embrace #hospital

[heavenunderthemoon]

Doctor, Doctor- Luke Alvez x Reader

Summary: Luke gets injured on a case and you’re his doctor

warnings: mentions of assault

The team had found themselves on a rather hard case, harder than most. Those that were in their home territory tended to do that.

Cases at home meant that, suddenly, that tiny, invisible, practically none-existent barrier between them and the monsters was ripped away.  That fine layer of protection that seemed to encase them every time they got off the jet, stepped off that plane and hailed their cabs back home, back to their family, back to their safety, was gone. Every twig snap, shadow, and eerie noise had their senses on edge. Not only did it cause the team to become more tense but it also awakened a protective rage. Monsters weren't supposed to follow them home.

But this one did.

A man, of course, white and in his mid-forties, avenging a mistake his mother made long ago. The team had split up, attempting to cover as much ground as they could in the abandoned warehouse. That was how they had caught him, the unsub leading them to a rather dilapidated part of the building. The floorboards creaked under his weight, and the team had shuffled in to follow uneasily. Distracted by the seemingly unstable building, they hardly had time to react when a blur of movement halted them in their tracks.

Luke had been the unlucky one to be closest to it. The hammer in the unsub's hands rained upon his head with a sickening crack and he collapsed to the floor with a groan. Already, his head was pounding, eyes fluttering in an attempt to shut them but he forced himself awake. His survival instincts kicked in, ignoring the team handcuffing and escorting the unsub out, only focusing on his breathing.

The team had been worried, extremely so. They practically had to hang up on the technical analyst, the Garcia woman  screaming into the phone as the team forced the former ranger into the ambulance bay and shuttling him off to the hospital.

He had protested the entire way. Sure, his head hurt, but he wanted to go home. Besides, it was a tiny little cut, how bad could it be?

After hours of pacing the waiting room and too many cups of cheap, hospital coffee, the team was informed by a nurse that they could see the man once more. With spirits high and hopes higher, the group made their way into room, surprised to hear a familiar laugh roaring through the space.

Sitting up in a hospital bed, gown disheveled and far too small on his muscular body, Luke wore a large, woozy grin. His hands clutched two slender fingers, his eyes never quite leaving the y/e/c orbs before him.

The room smelled like most hospitals, like sterilization and freshly laundered beds. The walls were covered in a pastel green color, as if reflecting its patient's illness on the walls. The tv played a re-run of FRIENDS, but the volume was almost non-existent, closed captioning dancing across the screen.

Beside the bed sat a small table, a small clipboard of notes lay across it, and a pen scribbled against the paper before the hands were returning to Luke's face. Y/n's hands floated before Luke's eyes, her soft voice telling him to follow her fingers before she was nodding with a smile, scribbling down something else.

With a lopsided grin, the man was speaking again. "How am I doin', Doc? Are you gonna need to amputate?"

From the minute Luke had been wheeled into your examination room, the man hadn't quite stopped looking at you like that. The way he looked at you made you blush, which was rather juvenile and not entirely something you would admit aloud, but true all the same. He looked at you as if you were wearing designer clothing rather than the two day old scrubs you had on. The scrubs you hadn't had time to launder because you had been working for thirty four hours straight, ones that had a stain on the sleeve that you weren't entirely sure what it was from.

Your hair had been thrown into a messy bun, the fast paced environment not giving you time to do anything fancy. And your makeup- well, you weren't wearing any.

But still, he looked at you as if he couldn't quite take his eyes off you. And it wasn't in the creepy, stalker way you had experienced men doing so before. No, because Luke was different. Just the man's demeanor told you so. The way he talked, voice slow and steady (maybe that was just the pain meds), or the way his eyes, two pools of melted chocolate, reassured you that being around him was probably the safest you'd ever be. You didn't need to see his badge on his hip to know that.

At the man's words, you let out a chuckle, clicking your tongue and sliding your pen back into your pocket. "I don't believe we'll be needing any amputations today, but keep landing on the wrong end of a hammer and we might have a different story."

Turning to the large group walking into the room, you smiled warmly. They were a large bunch, the jackets they adorned matching the one Luke had worn before he had been forced to change into a hospital gown. 'FBI' the breast pocket read. Briefly, you wondered what they did, but realized it didn't quite matter. They were here because they needed you to do your job, not to learn about theirs.

Patting Luke on the shoulder to indicate he could sit back, you grabbed your chart, going to stand near the team. They stood adjacent to Luke, and the small room allowed everyone to be in talking distance.

"I'm assuming you're the family? I'm Doctor Y/F/N Y/L/N, head of Neuro." Your easy smile was enough to release the tension from the team. Seeing Luke crumple the way he had made them worry, but the bright smile on your face reassured them.

"When he came in, the wound was looking a bit nasty." They listened intently while you talked and they didn't seem to miss the way Luke's eyes never quite left you as you spoke. "The swelling went down with some cream, and we took a CT to clear him of anything internal. Now, there was a small hemorrhage-" You watched as the team's eyebrows furrowed in concern, and you brought you hands out, a gesture for them to calm. "But his symptoms were small. Once we got the scan we saw that the bleed was tiny. Most bleeds will actually resolve themselves, so no need for me to go in where I'm not needed."

"Doc, you're welcome in my brain any day." Luke smiled cheekily, and your lips quirked, eyes narrowing playfully.

"I'm who you call when you need the big guns, you don't want me in your brain, Agent Alvez." His lips twitched when his last name rolled off your tongue and you would be lying if you hadn't gained the tiniest bit of satisfaction at the reaction.

He clicked his tongue, playfully grabbing his chest. "How you wound me. We went over this, it's Luke." He corrected, and he realized how desperately he needed you to say his name. He needed to say his name whether you were angry or sad or happy or excited. He needed you to say anything at all to him because your voice was something he hadn't even realized he needed until he heard it and now that he had he wasn't sure he would be able to live without it.

His actions made you chuckle, shaking your head at his antics. "Alright, Luke," You conceded, going to hang back up the man's medical chart on the bed. The nurses would take over from here, the former ranger only needing to be discharged after the rest if the pain meds wore off. The ones you had given him weren't too strong anyways, it wouldn't take much longer. "Try not to piss off anymore toolboxes, your head isn't as hard as you think it is."

The man smiled and just the sheer brightness of it made you suck in a breath. "I don't know, the screwdrivers in my shed were giving me a funny look the other day, I may have to teach them a lesson." He quipped smoothly and you rolled your eyes despite the large grin that grew on your features.

When you turned back to the door, the large group of agents seemed to be split between giving knowing smirks to Luke and impish looks to you. A certain blonde adorned in extremely bright colors seemed to want to interject, but the only other blonde clasped her hand onto the woman's shoulder tightly, stopping her from whatever she was going to say.

"I suggest that he doesn't go in the field for at least three days, and I would like to see him in a week for a precautionary scan to check and see if the bleed resolved itself. Other than that, he's good to go.  If you all have anymore questions feel free to ask Nurse Cassidy, she'll be in in just a moment to help you with discharge paperwork and medical prescriptions."

They nodded and, before they could respond, your pager was chirping, signaling the need for your presence elsewhere. Your hand grabbed at the pager clipped onto your waistline, eyes scanning the message before your eyes were flickering back to the agents.

"Duty calls. It was nice meeting you all." You gave a final nod, moving to leave the room, but just as you were about to exit a voice stopped you.

"Hey, Doc!" Luke called out, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

You turned, one hand gripping the doorway as your head peeked out from the side. You hummed in response, eyebrows furrowing.

"See you next week!"

Maybe it was childish, or unprofessional, or wildly inappropriate. Perhaps it was the fact that you were sleep deprived, hungry, and running on fumes, or maybe it was just the charming nature of the Alvez man, a gravitational pull toward the comfort he naturally exuded, but you found yourself smiling widely, a pink tint covering your cheeks.

"See you next week." You nodded in confirmation, leaving before you could say anything else.

#luke alvez x reader #luke alvez #spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #Criminal Minds #Spencer Reid fic

[ethalipyrou]

I got somethin'

I'll leave u with this, let's see what u do with it bestie 👀

when amane was younger, like 7, he'd sneak out to go to the park and he'd go on the swings late at night just to be by himself and sing little kid songs that he learned in class.

This would probably be when he's still expected to die young. (Sure sure the heart disease thing stopped when he was 4 canonically but shhhhh)

He would convince tsukasa to go with him instead of not letting him go and they only stopped because amane almost died and it scared their parents and tsukasa.

YAY, my first request on Tumblr!! Thank you so much for requesting; I appreciate it! I typically write headcanons, but I thought that a one-shot would fit your request better. I hope you like it! :D

WARNING: Briefly mentions Amane's illness.

Amane and Tsukasa; To the Moon

The stars were shining brightly in the sky as the cool night air hit Amane's skin. He sat on a swing, quietly humming to himself until he started to sing.

"Twinkle, twinkle, little star..."

He pushed his feet off of the ground.

"How I wonder what you are..."

The swing flew higher and higher into the sky.

"Up above the world so high..."

He looks up at the stars before closing his eyes, the wind rushing through his hair. It felt like he was in a rocket ship that was blasting off into space, heading closer and closer toward the stars until-

"Like a diamond in the sky...right?"

Amane abruptly stops the swing as he pushes his feet into the ground.

"Tsukasa?"

Tsukasa grinned before running toward his brother, practically knocking him off of the swing as he ran over to hug him.

"Amane! What are you doing here? Were you the one singing?"

Amane nervously scratched the back of his head before speaking. "Yeah...I was singing one of the songs that we learned in class."

Tsukasa looked at him with curiosity. "All by yourself? That sounds kind of lonely..." Tsukasa stopped hugging Amane and sat on the swing beside him. "Oh, I know! Why don't I sing with you?

And before Amane could respond, Tsukasa continued to sing the lyrics of "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" with him, kicking their feet into the air as they swung on the swing set. They sang a few other songs together, and then the swings came to a stop.

"We should probably go back home soon, it's getting late."

"Aww, do we have to?" Tsukasa whined.

Amane smiled. "We can come back here tomorrow, okay? I'll bring you with me next time."

Tsukasa grinned. "Okay!"

A few days later...

Amane wakes up in the middle of the night, sitting up to cough. He feels dizzy and nauseous as sweat drips down his forehead. "Not this again..."

His parents rush into the room, hearing his coughing from the adjacent bedroom. They give each other a worried look before his father speaks.

"Try to take deep breaths, Amane. Lie down and I'll get the doctor, okay?"

Amane gives a slight nod before he lies down again, his breathing harsh and irregular.

Tsukasa walks into the room, his eyes half-closed as he holds a teddy bear under his arm. "Amane?"

His mother gives a quick glance to Tsukasa. "Your father and I will figure this out. Could you please wait outside, Tsukasa?"

Tsukasa gives a tired nod and sits on the floor outside the entryway as a doctor rushes into the room. "What's wrong with Amane? Why is he breathing like that? He'll get better soon, right?"

Tsukasa rests his head on his knees, holding the teddy bear tightly as he overhears bits of the conversation in the other room.

"It seems that Amane has been going outside every night...not good...lots of rest...not much time left..."

After what feels like hours of waiting, Tsukasa's mother walks out of the room.

"You can't keep going outside with your brother."

"Why?"

His mother nervously bites her lip. "He's not feeling so well right now, and he needs to get lots of rest, okay?"

Tsukasa frowns. "Oh..."

"You should try to get some sleep as well, Tsuka-"

Before she can continue speaking, Tsukasa walks into the room and sits on the bed beside Amane.

"Mom says that you can't go outside anymore..."

Amane's breathing has finally calmed down. "I'm sorry, Tsukasa" he replies weakly.

"Will you be okay, Amane?" Tsukasa looks into Amane's eyes with an expression so sad and scared that Amane feels pressured to make him feel better. He hates seeing his younger brother upset, and he doesn't want to tell him about his illness, so he gives him a smile before petting his head.

"I will. And when I get better, we can go outside and travel someplace far away from home, and go on all kinds of adventures."

Tsukasa's sad expression quickly changes to reveal a huge smile as he lets out a small gasp. "Really?!"

Amane grins. "Yeah!"

"Okay, then let's go to the moon when you feel better!"

"To the moon..? But isn't it impossible to go to?"

Tsukasa shakes his head. "Not if you come with me! We'll do something that no one else has ever done before, Amane!"

Amane sighs at Tsukasa's optimism. He knows how slim the chances are of his condition improving, but he can't help but hope for that wish to come true. He closes his eyes, resting his hand on top of Tsukasa's little one.

"Alright...to the moon it is!"

#tbhk #jshk #hanako #hanako kun #one shot #one-shot #toliet bound hanako kun #jibaku shounen hanako kun #yugi tsukasa #amane yugi #yugi twins #yugi amane #tsukasa yugi #amane and tsukasa #hanako and tsukasa #twins

[yeahimaloser]

Pedals

Hi! So this is a Hanahiki disease kind of story. I don’t really know why I wanted to make this (it was probably because I had a bad day and I wanted to hurt :)). But honestly, It was kinda fun! I apologize if it isn’t very good like my other works, I did just write this today! But it was still really fun!

Summary: You felt it in your chest, not only your physical reaction, but your heart felt it too. For the love you felt for Hawks.

Warnings: blood, coughing up pedals

No pronouns mentioned for the reader

You stared down at your hand in horror.

No, this couldn’t be happening. This had to be some sick joke or some sort of dream. This couldn’t be real.

 You felt your body become light, your eyes glued to your hand. Your head was spinning, “No,” your voice sounded so out of touch, so far gone, it surprised you. You couldn’t even recognize it, it didn’t sound like you, you practically mistook it for someone else’s. It was so scratchy, so raw, it didn’t feel right coming from you.

You shake your head, no, this was wrong, it had to be. There was no way you had fallen in love, it was impossible, how could you fall for someone? 

But the pedals sat there, bloody in your hand. No matter how much you wanted them to just disappear, for this feeling to leave you, you knew it was impossible. 

Your lungs filled with pain, your mind was practically numb, it hurts so bad. But not as bad as your heart. It felt so hard in your chest, like lead. You felt like your heart was sinking deeper down in the pit of your stomach. 

You knew what this meant, yet you hoped it was just some sort of coincidence, some sort of weird happenstance. 

The way your heart would flutter when he gave you that hero winning smile, the way your thoughts would numb whenever he talked, the way your eyes always landed on his lips. But you just pushed it away, you tried to convince yourself you just loved him as a friend. 

But the evidence was right there, right on your palm, bloody and painful.

You were in love with Hawks.

And the only way to get rid of this disease? To get rid of your feelings. 

Anxiety flowed through you, you didn’t want that, you didn’t want to get rid of your feelings for Hawks. 

You loved the way your heart leaped when he would joke with you, the way you got butterflies in your stomach whenever he looked at you with those piercing golden eyes, and the way he smiled at you, it just made your mind go numb. It made you feel like you were the only person in the world like you were floating on a cloud in the sky.

You knew it was idiotic, but you couldn’t help it. You loved Hawks, and you didn’t want your feelings for him to go away.

But it hurt, it hurt so damn bad.

___

The only problem was, Hawks was so perceptive.

When you started to get more sickly, he picked up on it immediately, “Hey, is everything ok? You’re not getting’ sick on me are you now,” he smirked.

You rolled your eyes, “I’m fine, your just overthinking things you dumb bird.”

But Hawks could see through you, he didn’t know what exactly was going on, he just knew that something was wrong.

But then you started having bodily problems, stomach aches, mood swings, and even panic attacks.

He started to get so worried about you, he kept persistently asking, but you just blew him off, telling him it was nothing. That it was just seasonal allergies, and even when he had even offered to pay for a doctor's visit, you declined. “Really, Hawks, you're just overthinking. This happens to the rest of us sometimes, we can't all be perfect like you,” you smiled at him.

But even your smile seemed hollow.

He told you that he did his own research into your symptoms, he found different illnesses, but each one seemed to be different than what exactly you were experiencing.

He was stumped, “I couldn’t figure it out, I’m supposed to be a hero, I’m supposed to protect people, to help make them feel safe. So what kind of hero would I be if I can't even protect my  best friend?”

You just shrugged, “Just stop worrying about it, I promise I’m fine.”

“Yeah, but I hate it. I feel so stupid, I feel like I can’t protect you.”

Your heart fluttered at his words, he was worried about you. The sentiment was just so… cute. It was one of the reasons you didn’t want to get rid of your emotions, you liked feeling around Hawks. It just felt so right.

And if it caused you pain, so be it.

____

Your throat felt so sore.

It was getting worse day by day, not only the hurt of your lungs being filled by flower petals but also how your heart was breaking.

You hated not being able to tell Hawks, you really did. He was your friend, he cared so much for you, but it just made the realization that he wasn’t yours so much more daunting.

But you knew he would never reciprocate your feelings, you just did.

The way he flirted with other people, the way he would always be so charismatic with everyone. So, out of everyone he had to choose from, the beautiful models to the strong, confident hero’s he knew, why would he even consider you?

You sighed, currently, you were in your bathroom, coughing and crying, wishing for the pain to just go away.

Yet still, you loved feeling this way about Hawks, it just made you feel so amazing. 

The only comparison you could make was, he was like a drug to you. You couldn’t stop it, he was your addiction, and you didn’t want to get rid of it, not yet, not ever.

____

But Hawks figured it out.

You two were getting take out, planning to just hang out and watch bad movies.

But you started coughing, and it didn’t stop.

“Y/N! Wow wow, ok, just breathe. What, is it some sort of allergic reaction? To the food ma-”

The pedal, in your hand, red from your blood. 

You saw his eyes fill with shock, “wha-” he looked at you, “what is this?”

You sighed, “I’m sorry, Hawks, I should have-”

“Who is it,” his hand clenched into a fist, “did they reject you? Why haven't you gone to get it removed? Do you need money? Why didn’t you tell-”

He stoped talking when you started coughing again, a hard, pianfill sounding thing., he held you as you coughed into your hand, blood splatting the pedals.

“H-Hawks please,” your voice was so weak, so frail. He nodded, leading you into his bathroom, setting you down on the floor. He sat next to you, rubbing your back as you coughed. After you had stopped, you finally answered his questions, “I haven't gone to the doctor because… I don’t want to.”

He looked at you, in shock, “What? Why not? You would rather die?”

You smiled, a sad, hurt, smile, “I suppose, I mean, it hurts, but I love him.”

_____

You tried to get better, for Hawks’ sake.

But you didn’t get the procedure, no matter how much Hawks begged, saying even if you were the most heartless person after, he would still be with you.

But you would just smile at him, shaking your head, “I told you, I love him. I don’t ever want to stop loving him.”

You two were on the rooftop of Hawks’ penthouse staring up at the stars when it happened.

You coughed, so hard.

Hawks was by your side in an instant, but you were too weak, too weak to even sit up. So Hawks just cradled you against him, holding you to his chest.

You had never seen Hawks cry, but here he was, under the beautiful stars, crying, begging you not to leave him, saying he would do anything to make you stay.

You reached up, wiping away his tears, “Don’t cry. You’ll be ok, I’m sorry we couldn’t spend more time together. I wish we could have, we could have traveled the world together, stayed together. I’m sorry.”

His tears still streamed down his cheeks, “Please Y/N, you can’t leave me, please.”

You smiled at him, feeling the end nearing, “It was you Hawks, I love you. I love you so much, it hurts but I never wanted to stop loving you. But I knew you never felt the same, but it was ok, because as long as I got to see you and spend time with you, I was happy, so happy. I love you, Hawks, and I’ll never stop loving you. I made this decision,” you stroked his cheek as his face turned to one of shock, “so please, don’t blame yourself.”

For a moment, everything was still, then he spoke, “I LOVE YOU TOO! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, DON’T GO! PLEASE, STAY!”

But it was too late, you were gone, you didn’t even hear the words of his confession.

#bnha hawks #hawks x reader #hawks x y/n #mha keigo takami #keigo takami #mha keigo x reader #keigo takami x reader #keigo x reader #mha fanfiction

[alwaysmychoices]

Is This Goodbye?

 Synopsis: Charlie and Ethan are running out of time, and if they don’t hurry, this toxin will take everything from them. But with so little time left, is it more important to keep barriers or to finally say how they feel?

this is the final part of the chapter 11 rewrite but is not the end of the series.

Chapter 17 of the “with and without” series

Previous Series: “a weekend with dr. ramsey”

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)

Words: 7.2k

Rating: T (language)

The second Charlie saw Ethan approach her hospital room, she knew he had bad news.

She had seen him give bad news hundreds of times. Every time, he had the same expression, though the degree varied. He walked with determination, yet there was a silent reluctance in each step, like he would be happy to walk just a touch slower. The skin between his eyebrows crinkled together, and his lips formed a hard line. And his eyes…

They were particularly sad today.

In the short time before Ethan reached the glass, Charlie panicked.

She imagined a million scenarios, each worse than the last. She grieved each of them for her friends, her family, and herself. Even Ethan, too.

But once he reached her, she was relieved to see him. Happy, even. Especially because this could be the last time that she would face him like this, before this toxin had taken everything from her.

She paid a great deal of attention to him. He didn’t look like the same man who had kissed her goodbye this morning, and it was so hard to reconcile the two conflicting versions of Ethan. The one from last night had this radiance about him – like, for the first time in a very long time, the world was beautiful and full of possibilities. That man was happy. He made an extra cup of coffee in the morning and sacrificed his morning rituals just to stay in bed with her a little longer.

This man…

He wasn’t happy.

He was devastated.

His life had shattered. His world was chaos. And faced with the most important case of his career, he was failing.

And he was failing the woman he loved…

Looking at him, it was hard to imagine that the Ethan from this morning could ever come back. He was this now – and maybe even forever.

Ethan didn’t know how to begin. He imagined that there were eloquent, efficient words that could professionally and carefully inform her of the team’s new breakthrough. If he had an eternity, he wouldn’t have found them, though. The truth was that he didn’t want to begin. He didn’t want to tell her. He didn’t want it to be true.

Charlie took a moment to weakly approach the glass, and when he remained silent, she offered a kind of sympathetic smile.

“Would it help if I guessed the bad news?” Charlie offered.

“Who said it was bad news?” Ethan asked reflexively.

He didn’t like the knowing smile she offered or how effortlessly she had read him.

He didn’t like that he wouldn’t be able to keep secrets from her in the coming hours. She deserved the luxury of compassionate lies and well-meaning falsehoods. She deserved to be spared, if just from the psychological toll.

“We’ve discovered the type of toxin,” Ethan finally elaborated, watching her intently. He told himself he was looking for new symptoms, but he wasn’t. He was studying her reaction and hoping that she could take it.

Ethan didn’t know Charlie’s limits like he knew his own, not really. She toed the line last year with the combined trauma of Mrs. Martinez, the ethics hearing, Naveen’s illness, and Landry’s betrayal. She got herself off that ledge somehow, though a few cracks remained. But this? Could she take this?

But truthfully, as her doctor, it didn’t matter if she could take it. She would have to.

“You have?” Charlie asked apprehensively. She was looking for the trick, for the subtle clue that would put everything together. Because, at first blush, this was good news, wasn’t it? They were one step closer to treatment if they identified the toxin. They might even have time to save Raf.

What was she missing?

How could this discovery earn Ethan’s somber expression?

Ethan took a deep breath and gave her one last moment of innocent hopefulness before he told her.

“It’s a maitotoxin,” Ethan explained, “One I’ve never seen before. And it’s still present and active on Danny’s body postmortem, including the surface of his skin, which means it’s still dangerous.”

It took Charlie about fifteen seconds to understand why Ethan had hesitated for so long.

There was no cure.

Charlie felt like the wind was knocked out of her, and she stumbled back, almost as if she were fighting this new information. She knew it was true. She had no doubts, yet… she couldn’t accept it.

So, she had to say it.

She had to announce it to herself and to the world. She had to make it real.

“I’m going to die,” she said it softly, so softly that Ethan almost didn’t hear through the glass.

But he did. She kind of wished he hadn’t.

Charlie belatedly realized that Ethan was talking.

No, he was talking to her.

He was saying something about how this wasn’t the time to give up because they were actively working on an antidote, but his words were so distant—nearly white noise.

All she could think was that she was going to die.

She would never keep her promise to Raf. She would never make it out of this room. She would never tell Kyra all the scandalous and sordid details of her private life. She would never sit on Ethan’s kitchen barstool and watch him make coffee in the morning. She wouldn’t even find out if they messed this up again or if, magically, it all fell into place.

All of her dreams and plans meant nothing now.

They would just be the private thoughts of a dead girl.

She could have wallowed in that for the rest of her life – it’s not like she had a lot of time left, anyway.

But she didn’t. She couldn’t.

And once she escaped those horrible thoughts, something worse occurred to her.

Charlie knew that Ethan Ramsey would never forgive himself for this. When she died, she would live on through his self-torment. He would twist and turn her memory until it became his personal hell. He would convince himself that he deserved it, and armed with his stubbornness and a conviction of his inherent badness, nothing could stop him.

She couldn’t fathom the thought.

Yet it felt so real, so decided, that she couldn’t stop thinking it.

It was there. It was true. It was practically inevitable.

And she felt some sense of responsibility in all of it. Like maybe it was her fault. Like she had sealed his fate with her own impulsive need to save others. Like she had betrayed him without even knowing it.

She couldn’t look at him when he was like this, eyes so wide and sad as he pled for her to maintain hope and ignore her own mortality. And she certainly couldn’t listen to him.

His voice didn’t even sound the same. It was too desperate for her agreement. Too grave. Too anxious. He needed her to live the same lie. It grated on her ears.

“Stop talking,” Charlie demanded breathlessly. She sounded like she had run a marathon just to command him. In her mind, she had raced miles and miles just to hold on to the world. But for Ethan, who watched her sway slightly with dizziness, her breathlessness was just another reminder of the horrible truth he couldn’t yet acknowledge.  

He didn’t dare speak. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t think of anything to say.

There was a pause.

Charlie realized she didn’t actually want to talk.

She didn’t want to do any of this.

She wanted to crawl back into bed. She wanted to fall asleep. She wanted to wake up tomorrow morning.

“Ethan,” Charlie began, her voice shaking. She silently started to count, promising that she would say it again once she reached three. She didn’t actually do it until she got to five, “I’m going to die.”

“Charlotte, don’t say that,” Ethan’s response was quick and desperate, so much so that the words blended together a little bit.

Charlie’s vision was hazy from the tears building in her eyes. Even then, she could see how intensely he needed her to pretend none of this was happening. She hated herself for not letting him have that.

She hated herself for being sick, for dying, for walking in this goddamn room and ruining everything. She hated herself for needing more, for loving him so much that she had to hurt him. She hated this illness. She hated Travis. She hated Senator Farrugia. She hated Raf for taking the brunt of the toxin and for leaving her here alone.

She hated everyone but Ethan.

But she really hated what she said next.

“I have to say it,” Charlie asserted, “Because it’s true.”

“Charlie, you can’t give up,” Ethan’s voice cracked, and he moved as close as he could through the glass. He was looking at her intently, searching for something familiar to latch on to in her green eyes. All he found was resolute determination.

It crushed him.

“I’m not giving up, Ethan,” Charlie told him. What little control she had over her body seemed to disappear. She was shaking. Breathing was harder. Tears prickled at her eyes. Everything hurt. “But we have to face this. You have to face this.”

“Am I not facing this?” Ethan retorted incredulously, looking like he had been insulted, “Am I not here, Charlie?”

Charlie shook her head vigorously, “No, you’re not facing this. You still think I will walk out of here unscathed, Ethan, and I won’t. Not even I can work my way out of this. I know that. I need you to know it, too.”

“Why?” Ethan snapped, “Why do you need that?”

Ethan seethed.

How could she ask this of him?

How could she give up when he needed her? When he was doing everything he could, how could she not just hold on? Why did she need him to face the one thing that would break him?

“Because I care about you, Ethan, and I need to know you’ll be okay.”

Ethan scoffed.

“I promised Naveen I would be there for you if he died,” Charlie explained forcefully. The way she spoke demanded his attention, and he begrudgingly gave it. “I need that same assurance, Ethan. I need to know that, when I’m gone, you will be okay. That you’re not going to waste years blaming and hating yourself for something that was never even your fault. I got myself in this mess. Blame me,” Charlie’s voice had changed subtly as she spoke, but it was clear now.

She was just as desperate as he was.

He felt it in her stare. He heard it in her voice. It surrounded her.

And it killed him.

When Ethan didn’t speak, she begged, “Please. I won’t let you use my memory to torture yourself.”

Ethan still didn’t say anything.

He didn’t need to. The look on his face told her that he could never agree.

It hit Charlie like a blow, and she stumbled back just a bit. She looked betrayed, even disappointed in him. Ethan felt the urge to avert his eyes in guilt.

“Do you promise?” Charlie was very close to a new emotion – one that she couldn’t quite put her finger on. She heard it in her tone, though. It wasn’t quite angry, not fully disappointed. But it was certainly commanding.

Ethan had to answer her. He knew he did.

But he didn’t.

He was so mad that she forced him to sit in this, that she broke down his carefully constructed barriers. He couldn’t save her if he felt the full weight of what was happening. His grief, his adoration, his fury – it would bury him.

He told himself that he was doing what was best for her.

But there was a small voice in the back of his head that said he was just running away.

“I can’t do this, Greene. I can’t have this conversation,” Ethan announced, evading eye contact. He was too ashamed to look at her, “I’ve been here too long. I need to get back to the team.”

Then he left – so abruptly and dramatically that Charlie couldn’t even get a word before he was too far away to hear her.

Charlie watched him in disbelief.

He… left?

She was dying, and he fucking left?

Charlie didn’t know what she was feeling, but it was something close to anger, fear, and sadness.

She couldn’t believe he would allow his stubbornness to deprive them of what little time they had together. It was one thing for her to not let him hide from the truth, but was it the same for him to run away? Could he do that?

Was there a right way to do any of this?

If there was, Charlie was convinced he certainly hadn’t done it.

She fumed. How could he leave when they were already running out of time?

Quietly, she remembered the spring when she sneaked out of his apartment in the early hours just to avoid saying goodbye. Was he doing the same thing?

Charlie thought of the note she wrote the night she left. She had written, “I love you,” and then crumbled the note up and taken it with her instead of letting him read it.

Once again, when this could be goodbye, she hadn’t told him.

She might never.

Charlie paced as she tried to clear her mind. She stumbled every other step, feeling increasingly dizzy, but she kept trying. If she kept moving, she wouldn’t have to face the silence again.

She had to keep going because, if she didn’t, she would hear Danny’s final, ragged breaths. She would see Raf’s exhausted, pale face as he mumbled his last words. She would hear her own screams…

And now, she would also see Ethan storming away from her in her final hours.

It was too much.

Charlie felt lucky when she heard someone approach the glass. It meant she would have a distraction.

But when she realized that the noisy steps came from her all her best friends coming to check on her, her feeling of good luck wavered.

They all looked so…

Sad. Aware of the threat. And politely trying not to talk about it.

Sienna’s face was red with tears, and something stabbed at Charlie’s heart as she realized that her friend had lost the man she adored and would likely lose even more friends by the end of the night.

Sometimes, it was easy to forget that Charlie wasn’t suffering in isolation. Everyone she loved was also suffering, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.

“I saw Dr. Ramsey storming down the hall. Is everything okay?” Bryce asked as soon as he was in Charlie’s earshot, obviously apprehensive and drained from the traumatic afternoon. Charlie had never seen him not smile when he approached. It broke her heart that he only frowned.

No, Charlie thought, Ethan can’t handle his girlfriend’s mortality, so he’s acting like a dick.

But she didn’t say it. She didn’t want her last memories with her friends to be tainted with calling Ethan a dick or complaining about how ridiculous he was.

Instead, Charlie shrugged, “I don’t know, but they’re making progress. They’ve figured out the toxin, so that’s good news.”

“Really? That’s amazing! What is it?” Sienna’s face perked up with hope for the first time since the whole ordeal began.

Charlie hesitated and reluctantly admitted, “Maitotoxin.”

“Oh,” Sienna exclaimed with surprise, and it only took a moment for her face to fall with recognition, “Oh…”

An awkward silence fell between the friends, and Charlie’s eyes fell to the floor. She didn’t like the way they looked at her now, like they were memorizing her so they could remember once she was gone. Elijah’s face was soft with sympathy, a stark contrast to Jackie’s distraught and angry frown. Bryce was trying so hard to be positive that it seemed to break him.

And Sienna…

Charlie knew that, if she looked at Sienna right now, she wouldn’t be able to stop from crying, so she selfishly looked away.

But she couldn’t maintain it. She had to look. She had to connect.

She had to let them know how much she loved and appreciated them, even if they weren’t ready to acknowledge these as their final hours.

“I love you guys,” Charlie sniffed, wiping at her eyes before anyone could see her cry, “I’m so happy I met all of you.”

“We love you, too,” Elijah’s voice hitched, and Bryce put a sympathetic hand on his shoulder.

“It’s really good that they’ve identified the toxin, Charlie,” Jackie spoke up, nodding firmly, “We’re one step closer.”

“Yeah,” Charlie agreed weakly, “One step closer.”

“You’re going to be okay,” Bryce added, trying to keep everyone optimistic, but not even his bravado couldn’t save the day.

Charlie nodded, “You’re right.”

Everyone tried to stay positive, including Charlie, and she hid her growing tears with awkward sniffles and wiping her eyes. They pretended not to notice and ignored the increasing pain in their hearts.

“How’s Kyra?” Charlie asked.

“She’s good… She made it out of surgery, and she’s recovering,” Bryce clumsily added, “We haven’t… we haven’t told her about this yet. We didn’t want to stress her, but…”

He trailed off before he could say that they would bring her to say goodbye if it became obvious that Charlie wouldn’t survive the hour.

It stung. It was just another reminder that she was actually going to die.

Charlie nodded her approval and expressed relief that Kyra was okay, and she didn’t make Bryce explain. She didn’t need him to tell her. His obvious discomfort and nervousness expressed everything she needed to know. As long as she could say goodbye to Kyra before the end, she was happy to let her stay blissfully ignorant.

She wished she could give all her friends that gift.

As they continued to talk, Charlie found the effort to stay strong for them exhausting. A dark, quiet thought whispered that at least her impending doom meant she could rest after taking blow after blow.

Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the diagnostics team coming down the hall, and she released a tiny sigh of acceptance.

She knew they didn’t have good news. There was no good news to be had. Whatever it was would be traumatic at worst and depressing at best.

Charlie was so tired.

She longed for her bed so much that she was fine with the fact that she would likely never get out of it. She was ready to let go. She was ready to give in, if everyone would just stand back and let her.

But they wouldn’t.

Charlie’s friends moved to allow June, Baz, and Ethan to face Charlie through the glass. Ethan was staring at her with eyes that begged her to look at him. She didn’t. She was too close to crying already. Instead, she looked at June.

“How are you doing, Charlie?” June asked, and once again, Charlie was comforted by her no-nonsense approach. It was nice to not be causing someone pain for once today.

“Okay,” Charlie shrugged, “No significant changes.”

June nodded considerately, “You know it’s Maitotoxin?”

“Yes.”

“And you know what that means?”

“Yes.”

June looked away just for a second – a second to brace herself. When she looked back, she was stern again.

“I brought some files if you would like to look through it.”

“I don’t want to,” Charlie rejected the offer, “But thank you.”

June nodded understandingly and handed the folder to Baz, who wiped a tear from underneath his glasses, “We’re working on it, Charlie.”

“I know, and thank you,” Charlie acknowledged.

She couldn’t help herself.

She had to look at Ethan.

Her muscles burned with the effort of looking away. She couldn’t fight it. She had to see him.

And she did.

And it…

It broke her and healed her at the same time.

Her Ethan.

She could see him now – the Ethan she loved, not just Dr. Ramsey. He was so sad… So devastated. And so eager for her to glance in his direction.

She loved him. She loved him so much.

In that moment, he felt like the only thing worth looking at. Her heart swelled so much that it felt like it might just burst. She couldn’t imagine staring at anything else.

“This isn’t the time to give up, Charlotte,” Ethan asserted, but it was a plea, really.

He hoped his voice still mattered to her. He hoped he still mattered to her after how he treated her.

“But,” Charlie spoke softly to the group, though she only looked at Ethan, “There isn’t an antidote.”

“Yet,” Ethan emphasized, “We’re going to work around the clock to synthesize one.”

“And you won’t be alone.”

Everyone’s head jerked in the direction of the familiar voice.

For a moment, Charlie wondered if she should add delusions to her growing list of symptoms. She looked at her friends’ expressions for confirmation that they saw it, too, and to her surprise, they did.  

But… how?

Aurora approached quickly, flanked with a team of doctors on either side. Just a step ahead of her was Tobias, and it was only then that Charlie recognized that he was the one who spoke.

And just like that, everything was different. Hope rushed down the empty corridor to the sound of a dozen footsteps.

Everyone gaped as the doctors approached. Everyone from Edenbrook was too shocked to say a word, so it was Aurora who spoke next.

“The best doctors and resources Mass Kenmore can offer at your disposal,” Aurora affirmed, and the doctors behind her nodded their agreement.

Charlie was stunned to silence.

“Tobias?” Ethan’s lips were parted in a silent gasp. He couldn’t believe it, and right then, he decided he didn’t care about anything in their past anymore.

Tobias was here now, and if he could save Charlie, Ethan would forgive and forget anything.

The only thing that mattered was Charlie.

“This is bigger than any rivalry. Greene’s not dying on our watch,” Tobias looked at Ethan like he understood.

Normally, this would have terrified Ethan. He would have wondered how Tobias knew about their relationship and if he would dare use it against the two of them in the name of their ongoing competition.  He would have feared for Charlie’s career. And he would have hated Tobias for pointing it out.

But Ethan felt none of that.

Instead, he said, “Thank you, Tobias.”

This startled Tobias, but after a beat, he accepted the thanks.

“Yes… Thank you. Both of you,” Charlie echoed, looking between Aurora and Tobias with shocked gratitude, “Aurora… I don’t even know how to express… I …” Charlie stumbled through her words, struggling to express her love for her friend and her gratitude and her relief to even know her.

“Then don’t,” Aurora cut her off, “Thank me by hanging in there, okay?”

Charlie nodded weakly, “I’ll try.”

“We've set up basecamp in the laboratory. We can take you there now,” June offered.

“Anyone else who wants to join us is welcome,” Baz added.

“Count us in. Chemistry was always my strongest subject in college,” Elijah said, earning a nod of approval from Baz.

Sienna pushed her way to the glass, her teary eyes fierce and piercing as they found Charlie, “Don’t you dare die. No comas, either. Just… hold the line, you hear me?” Sienna demanded.

“I hear you,” Charlie confirmed as strongly as she could.

Aurora pulled Sienna from the window and gently lead her away. The others said their goodbyes and hurried after June and Baz to the lab.

Only Ethan stayed behind.

Charlie stared at him in surprise.

“What are you doing?”

“I realized you might need me here more than you need me with them,” Ethan confessed, taking another step towards the glass – towards Charlie.

He didn’t quite know where to start. He was ashamed of his behavior – of his rude cowardice. He was haunted by that last look she’d given before he left, like she knew he would let her down.

And he didn’t want to be that man.

He wasn’t that man.

He might not be able to save her, but that wasn’t what she needed from him. He knew that now.

“I’m so sorry, Charlie,” Ethan said it all at once, like a deep sigh he needed to release. And he did. He had to apologize. He needed her to not hate him.

“For what?” Charlie asked apprehensively. She realized that she was holding her breath as she waited. She wanted to forgive him so very, very badly that she was terrified he wouldn’t say the right words, that this would somehow be ruined.

But really, even if he had made every wrong move, she wasn’t prepared to let him ruin it. She would have forgiven him no matter what he said.

“For everything,” Ethan swallowed heavily, casting his eyes low with humiliation, “For storming off. For not listening to you. for hiding when I should have stood with you.”

He twisted his face, trying to hold back the floodgates of emotion as he added, “You’re asking for something that’s very hard to give, Charlotte.”

Charlie was crying.

She didn’t bother wiping away the tears as she sadly smiled, “I know.”

“But you deserve to ask,” Ethan made himself look at her, even though he wasn’t sure if he even deserved to, “Because you’re right, Charlie. You’re always right.”

Charlie laughed softly. That was the kind of thing she always wanted to hear. If he had told her any other time, she would have stored those words and brought them up time and time again. She wouldn’t get to now, though.

“I forgive you, Ethan,” Charlie quickly corrected, “Actually, no. I don’t. Because I don’t need to. I don’t care. You were a dick, but I… I don’t blame you. I’m just happy you’re here now.”

Ethan shook his head, knowing he didn’t deserve anything she said, “You’re too easy on me.”

“No,” Charlie tentatively held her hand to the glass, “I’m not.”

She offered a small, playful smile – the kind that always filled him with happiness, even now. She whispered, “I knew you were an asshole when I picked you, Ethan.”

He didn’t deserve Charlie.

But he placed his hand on the glass and smiled anyway.

He was supposed to leave now. They both knew it.

But he stood still.

He was devastated to look at her like this, alone and scared. He could see the exhaustion etched in her face, and he knew she hadn’t slept. He doubted she had sat for more than hour all together today. She was so stubborn… And so isolated…

“Can I stay?” Ethan asked impulsively.

Charlie jerked in surprise, instinctively taking a small step back. He missed her proximity immediately.

“Won’t the team miss you?” Charlie asked.

“I don’t care. I want to be here with you.”

Charlie hadn’t thought that there were right words to say. She thought that this situation was too shocking, too dramatic to have anything “right” about it. But she felt differently now. Because those were the right words to say.

She didn’t speak immediately. She didn’t know how to. She was too overcome with emotions she didn’t even recognize. It was harder to breathe. She felt like something was breaking inside of her – some resolve, some barrier. It flooded her until her limbs felt heavy and her mind exhausted.

She was falling apart. She felt it. Ethan saw it.

“Please,” Charlie begged him to come inside.

Ethan nodded emphatically, and he assured her it would be just one minute. As he rushed into his hazmat suit, he was tempted to be reckless with the remaining procedures. Time with Charlie was precious, and one minute felt like too long to wait.

It took about 65 seconds for Ethan to safely enter the hospital room.

Ethan only took one of the following seconds to complain about how slow he moved and how much faster he needed to go to get to her, but he was quickly distracted from those criticisms.

Because Charlie was there.

After hours of staying apart to maintain boundaries and leaving her to struggle on her own, Ethan could finally hold her.

Ethan wordlessly enveloped Charlie in his arms, and she fell deeply into his embrace until he was the only thing keeping her up. She shed the pretense of strength and stability. When Raf crashed and abandoned her in this room, she almost wallowed in the full effect of the night – the pain, the sorrow, the fear. But there was still a part of her that pushed Ethan away for his own good, sacrificing what she wanted for the greater effort. Now, even that was gone.

Charlie succumbed to the darkness.

And really, it was kind of a relief.

She sobbed into his chest, and Ethan held her as tight as he possibly could without breaking her. He wished he could give her all of his remaining strength. She needed it more than he did.

“It’s okay,” Ethan whispered, tracing a soothing pattern on her back, “I’m here.”

“I missed you so much,” Charlie managed breathlessly.

He squeezed her, but he wasn’t sure if he did it to reassure her or to prove to himself that she was really there.

Once her sobs grew softer, Ethan pulled away enough to wipe the tears off her red-stained cheeks. He hated the hazmat suit for keeping them apart. He wanted to feel her skin, her warmth.

“I wish you could touch me,” Charlie told him, a spare tear rolling down her cheek. He caught it with his thumb.

“So, do I,” Ethan affirmed with a sad smile.

She swayed softly in his arms. Her dizziness, coupled with her exhaustion, made it hard to stand. Her eyelids were heavy, and her eyes were bloodshot from hours of tears and not a minute of sleep. She demanded a lot from her body, and it was determined to get its revenge on her.

Though he knew she hadn’t, he asked, “Have you slept at all?”

Charlie shook her head, “I tried, but um…” Charlie had to stop and hold her breath for a minute, too choked up to continue. For anyone else, she would have left it at that, but for Ethan, she bore the pain and explained, “I tried after Raf crashed… And I… I was too afraid I wouldn’t wake up again, and I wasn’t ready.”

Oh.

Ethan swallowed heavily and nodded thoughtfully. He didn’t dare speak. He knew he would break if he did.

His beautiful, wonderful Charlie didn’t deserve this…

“How is Raf?” Charlie asked apprehensively. She doubted she would like his answer.

“He’s holding on,” Ethan told her, “He’s in a coma.”

Charlie knew that was the best she could ask for, so she accepted it quietly.

“Are you tired, Charlie?”

Charlie let out a deep breath as she admitted, “So, so tired.”

Not just physically, either. She was drained completely – emotionally and mentally. The only thing that kept her going was her determination, and even that wore thin.

“Come on, let’s get you to bed,” Ethan suggested softly. When she hesitated, he added, “I’ll be here to make sure you wake up.”

Charlie knew he couldn’t really make a promise like that, but she believed it anyway. She needed it.

Charlie accepted his hand and allowed him to lead her to the bed. As she sank into the mattress, he carefully followed. His arms encircled her, and her head fell comfortably and familiarly to his shoulder.

If they pretended, it almost looked like a normal night in his apartment.

“I think your bed might be just a bit more comfortable,” Charlie whispered playfully, earning his chuckle.

She liked to watch him laugh, even through the bulky hazmat helmet. In fact, she liked almost everything about him.

“Can I tell you something I regret?” Charlie asked, much to Ethan’s surprise.

“Do you want to?”

“Yes.”

“Then, yes, you can,” Ethan affirmed, hiding his own anxiety.

Everything about this night felt final, like the last chapter of his favorite book. Every time they had a “last” anything, Ethan felt closer to the edge.

“If I could go back, I would pick you all the times I almost did.”

“I wouldn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t care,” Charlie shrugged. She was smiling, but it didn’t reach her sad eyes, “You don’t have to deserve me, Ethan. I wasted so much time thinking that, if I couldn’t have you, I had to stay away until I moved on. And I never moved on, not even for a minute.”

“You shouldn’t have had to,” Ethan felt like a fool for all his stubborn, ‘ethical’ arguments. He’d just been hiding, and because of it, they were deprived of so much. “I wish I could take it back, Charlie. I would take a million more months with you.”

This time, when Charlie smiled, he knew it was real.

And she knew she had to tell him. Anxiety built in her chest, and for a terrifying moment, she wondered if she as alone in loving him, if she had always been the foolish, love-struck girl. If he still didn’t need her like she needed him.

“Can I tell you another regret?”

Ethan nodded his consent.

“I should have… I should have told you I loved you the second I felt it.”

The world stopped. Time wasn’t counting down.

Now, it was Ethan’s turn to stop breathing.

“When was that?”

“The spring, the night I left you before you could leave me. I wrote it on a note that I was going to leave for you, but I took it with me instead. I thought it help me move on if I never told you,” Charlie admitted.

She was very aware that Ethan hadn’t said it back yet, and she watched his lips intently, waiting for three words to fall out of them.

But Ethan was distracted.

Because, if he had known, everything would have been different. If she had left that note, he wouldn’t have been able to stay away. He ran away and hid from her for his own safety, to keep him away from her. If he had known that she was suffering, too, he would have stayed.

He could have been happy with her all this time.

All it would have taken was for one of them to say that they loved each other.

“I knew then, too…” Ethan still seemed lost in his own head as he spoke, “I spent every night in the Amazon wondering if I would ever stop.”

“Did you?” Charlie was so afraid of his answer she almost hoped he wouldn’t say anything. That way, she ran no risk of being crushed.

“Never.”

He loves me.

Charlie shouldn’t have been shocked, but she was.

And she was so… so…

So in love with him. So overwhelmed.

Charlie began to cry, hiding her face in Ethan’s shoulder as she mourned. She cried because of how much she loved him. She cried because they had all this time and never told each other. She cried because she wouldn’t get to love him for decades. She cried because this was still the end.

Ethan held her tight and fought off his own ragged, dangerous breath. He didn’t know how to breathe anymore. He was so sad but so happy. So distraught and so relieved.

He should have told her before. In his apartment, on the balcony with a bottle of wine. When she was smiling at him. When her eyes reflected the glimmering cityscape and stars. When she was happy and safe.

“You know,” Ethan murmured, “My dad says I would be an idiot to ruin this because you’re the best thing to ever happen to me,” Ethan wasn’t quite sure why he told her this story, but he just knew he wanted to make her smile, “I told him that I already had once, and he said I was an idiot.”

Charlie laughed softly through her tears. She could imagine it, and she didn’t disagree with Alan.

“My mom found a picture of you on the internet after I moved here. She warned me not to get too close to you because you were too handsome and smart for your own good,” Charlotte murmured. He could hear the exhaustion in her voice, but he was relieved to have the distraction.

“You know, it was pretty strange you claimed to be such a ‘fan’ but had no idea what I looked like,” Ethan teased.

“I was a fan of your research. Was I supposed to keep a poster of your face on my wall?”

“I’m just saying that my picture was in the back of the book.”

“I was too busy reading it to check you out, Ethan.”

Charlie rolled her eyes, and Ethan smiled.

They didn’t say a lot after that, just a few murmured words and the occasional joke. Despite her best efforts to stay awake and enjoy her time with Ethan, Charlie fell asleep. She finally felt safe enough to sleep.

Even after he realized Charlie was asleep, Ethan held her. He wasn’t ready to let go.

He wanted to hold her through the night and keep her safe. He wanted to keep his promise and make sure she woke up in the morning.

But he needed to get back to the team and fight for her while they still had time left.

Ethan reluctantly untangled himself from Charlie, and before he left, he whispered gently that he loved her.

Ethan followed the decontamination procedures methodically. It gave him something else to think about, somewhere for his mind to hide. Once he was done, he slid back into his white coat and started walking down the hall to the lab.

But he didn’t make it there.

Every step, his feet felt like lead. His heart raced. His eyes watered. His breath was irregular.

He had to stop. He had to… crash.

He fell to the linoleum floor with a thud that echoed down the empty hall. He leaned his head back to the wall and begged his body to stop, to just let him focus. He searched for those barriers that kept him safe, but they were gone now.

He loved Charlie.

And she was going to die.

Ethan succumbed to the weight of it all as he sobbed into his hands. It took everything from him, so when the tears stopped flowing, he felt hollow and empty. He was alone. And he missed her.

As soon as he could fathom it, Ethan stood. He walked into the bathroom and splashed his tear-stained face with water. His reflection was so unfamiliar – so distraught and devoid of life – that he avoided looking at it at first. He forced himself to level his gaze with his reflection, and he commanded that he get his shit together and be a good doctor. It didn’t matter if he was sad. All that mattered was that Charlotte survived. He would give anything for her.

Using that as fuel, Ethan marched into the lab.

Everyone was surprised to see him, and they hardly kept it to himself. Even June gaped in alarm. No one expected him to leave Charlie’s side, and they worried what it meant that he had.

“How is Charlie?” Baz asked immediately.

“She’s resting. Heart rate still normal. No obvious deterioration,” Ethan ignored their astonished stares and walked to the half-empty pot of coffee in the corner of the make-shift lab. He poured himself a cup and winced at the taste, “Who made this?”

“I did,” Tobias confirmed.

“Makes sense,” Ethan muttered. If Tobias caught it, he let it slide.

He forced the rest of the cup down, reasoning that he needed the caffeine more than his taste buds needed satisfaction.

As soon as he finished his coffee, Ethan asked for an update and where he could help. Tobias told him about their progress and invited Ethan to work with him. Ethan obliged and fell into the project quickly.

The team benefited from his presence, even if they couldn’t believe he was there.

As they worked, Tobias finally said, “So, the resident, huh?”

Ethan shot him a warning look, “Shut up.”

“I’m not judging.”

“You are, and I don’t care. After we finish this antidote, you have all the time in the world to judge me. Save it for then.”

Tobias raised his hands in surrender and got back to work.

---

Charlie woke the next morning to a sharp, stabbing pain ripping through her stomach. She yelped in pain and instinctively doubled over, silently begging her body to just release whatever the fuck this was. She reached for Ethan beside her but found the bed empty.

As another wave of pain hit her, Charlie longed for Ethan’s reassuring presence but was quietly relieved that he didn’t have to see her bitter end. And anyway, he kept his promise. She woke up this morning.

“Charlotte!”

She recognized Ethan’s voice, but her vision was too blurry to recognize him on the other side of the glass. He was just an outline, but he was the tallest outline out of the group. So, Charlie reasoned it had to be him rushing through the decontamination tent to get to her. A handful of people followed.

Charlie dug her nails into her arm to distract from the pain, but she only ended up drawing blood.

Once it was finally over, she fell back into the bed feebly.

Ethan anxiously approached and demanded, “Are you okay?”

Charlie faintly nodded her head in response, and Ethan released a sigh of relief.

“What’s going on?” Charlie murmured, struggling to keep her eyes open. She needed sleep. She needed relief.

“We did it, Charlie!” Charlie recognized the voice before she recognized Aurora’s form in the glass.

“What?” Charlie’s mouth felt dry, and the word came out cracked.

“We have an antidote, Charlie,” Ethan explained. While she tried to identify Aurora out of the crowd, he had made it to her bedside and was sitting in the chair beside her, holding out his hand for hers.

Charlie didn’t understand.

She had to be imagining this.

But people were talking. They explained the miracle of the formulation and how the antidote worked. She only picked up every other word, but she got the gist of it.

It was real.

They did it.

“Did you give it to Raf?” Charlie breathed as soon as it all clicked together, cutting off someone else. She looked to Ethan like he was the only one she trusted.

“We did,” Sienna confirmed, “We haven’t seen any change. It may have been too late…”

“But we haven’t seen a decline, and that has to mean something,” Elijah chimed in.

Charlie fell back into the bed just a little bit farther. She was relieved he was still alive, even if he might not be by the end of the day.

“Charlotte,” Ethan’s voice was tender, nearly begging as he asked, “Give me your arm.”

Charlie obliged, but her body was so weak that it shook when she held it out. Baz came to her side and steadied her as Ethan prepared the shot.

As Ethan smoothly slid the needle into her skin, he told her, “It’s going to be okay.”

And for the first time, Charlie believed him.

TAG LIST:

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#ethan ramsey #choices #choices stories you play #play choices #open heart #ethan ramsey x mc #open heart 2 #angst #dr. ramsey #dr. ethan ramsey

[miss-kittys-magical-library]

Can I request a Vladek fic with the prompt “i want you to forget everything and everyone else but me.” from the NSFW list please?

Shake It Out

(Vladek Klimov x Fem!Reader)

Word Count: 1k

Warnings: language, mention of ritual and indigenous practices, vaginal penetration, minor strangulation

A/N: Vladek never had to do this on his own, but every demon wants his pound of flesh. Even if the tides were never going to turn.  

Part One: The Drumming Song  Part Two: Seven Devils

You followed Vladek and the doctors down the hall with Freya on the gurney. She was small and frail as they hooked her up to oxygen and shoved tubing down her throat. It wasn't that you didn't care about the woman Vladek tried to satiate over her illness. You just cared for the shaman more.

“She is sick, I'm not sure what.” The nurse simply stared.

“It's ALS,” you shouted in the commotion.

“Are you her children?”

Vladek chuckled but there was a sadness in his voice, “No. But her own should be so lucky.”

They carted her off. Vladek hastily grabbed a bag and stuffed it full of medical items before he bypassed you. One last sorrowful glance as the door closed behind everyone else.

“Where are you going?” you slipped into your native tongue.

“I must do what every witch doctor in my family before me has succeeded in.”

“Min kjærlighet,” my love, “what does that mean. What are you doing with those things? Where is the demon?” you queried in your struggle to keep up with his long quick strides.

“Gone. Escaped. She came and lit it all on fire. It's my failure though, not Freya’s.”

Finally you managed to grab his free hand, “VLADEK KLIMOV!” He turned sharply to face your outburst. You softened under his hard gaze, “I am speaking to you.” Soft didn't mean gentle. You burned as hot as he did.

“I hope your next words are chosen carefully,” Vladek’s bright green eyes darkened to almost black.

Not wanting to carry on in front of any staff that may happen by you dragged him into an empty room. You turned and faced him again. You stood tall and thought damn his warning.

“Til helvete med Fortitude” To hell with Fortitude. “These people don't care. Not about you or being saved! Fuck them and your mission!” Your voice raised again. “Let the demon tear them apart.”

In a fury, Vladek wrapped his hand around your throat. He shoved you up against the wall, his grip tight but not enough for your breath to be cut off.

“It is my destiny. The ancient gods have chosen me to protect these people. If I must sacrifice myself, that's my role to play. I have killed to get what I need. I won't hesitate to end you too.” His fingers dug in only a little deeper.

You laughed. Whether it was out of nerves or desire you couldn't tell. The aching between your legs pointed towards the latter as you began fumbling for the button of his pants. You unzipped them and slid a hand inside to grab his cock. You squeezed, tighter than his grip on your neck. Your hand on the length of it as it immediately hardened. The breath from Vladek’s nose came out in a short burst as his eyes closed.

“This doesn't belong to them,” it was a command.

You started to twist your fingers around the shaft. Loosened them to caress more than mistreat it. Your thumb traced circles around the head to elicit that first stage of climax. How easy it was to make him cum after just a few minutes. With your hand or mouth or sex. You could manipulate this powerful shaman as you worked your hand faster.

“It doesn't belong to them,” your voice soft now as he lets you go all together.

Down on your knees in front of Vladek your mouth replaced your hand. Your tongue ran up the length and other the tip. It's motion mimicked your thumb. You licked and sucked at him, alternating between taking him completely in your mouth and stroking his member. Your thumb now sliding over the head once again, then a twist down the shaft with your tongue repeating the gesture until Vladek couldn't take it. You could taste the salt. Over again in a frenzy, you kept at it.

Then, it stopped. You stood and clamored awkwardly out of your boots and layers of clothes. You were naked, exposed to him. Vladek's eyes blazed bright now, his cock erect and pulsing like you were.

“I want you to forget everything. Forget everyone. Only me. Let them all die.” You put his large hand between your thighs. Pushed his fingers inside of you.

“You.. are a distraction,” Vladek struggled. His words thick in your ear as his hair fell in dark waves on your neck and chest. His fingers pumped inward dangerously. Slowly.

Again. Until he understood, you closed your fist around his cock. “This belongs inside of me. Not to them or the demon or the Gods who play games with innocents. Fuck Fortitude.” You raised your leg around his thin waist, “Fuck me instead.”

With one swift motion, Vladek hooked his arms under both of your thighs. You wrapped them around his body as he plowed into you causing you to gasp. The jerking of his body, pelvis that slammed into yours. Your back rubbed raw on the stone wall that supported you while Vladek crashed angrily deep inside.

You knew it wouldn't last long once he started to pound against you. He was already on the verge as you sucked his cock. What you weren't expecting was the unified explosion you both created. That you would cry out loudly to his animal growl. That he would leave you there, knees weakened from the climax, unable to protest.

Vladek would still fail at saving Fortitude.

Tag: @slutforrobbiebro @sean-falco @super-unpredictable98 @robertsheehanownsmyass @bisexualnathanyoung @nightmonsters

#robert sheehan #robert sheehan character fic #vladek klimov #vladek x reader #request ☺️

[marybethsjournal]

Fare You Well, Dear Sean

Summary: Karen finds out what happened to Sean in Rhodes

Pairing(s): Sean Maguire x Karen

Warning(s): kidnapping (Jack), major character death, religion talk, reference to vom!t, vague thoughts of suicide, super vague implication of pregnancy(?)

Word Count: 1749

A/N: To the anon that asked for Karen x Sean fluff, this is not it lol. Yours is coming, but this is just pure sadness

Also, here’s the link to the song from RDR2 that inspired my title: https://youtu.be/S5N-nLY32KA

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29829786

Today was absolute chaos. It had started out normal enough. Karen had woken to Sean shaking her wildly just like she always did when he actually made himself useful and went on a job outside camp. He thought she cared so much about what he was doing for the day. He hadn’t gotten the hint that she didn’t care. Well maybe she cared just a little… but not much! She knew that he wanted her to be impressed and think that he was some sort of hero, but Karen had a strict rule against getting impressed by stupid men. Especially stupid men named Sean Maguire.

“Miss Jones! Wake up and give your suitor a kiss goodbye!”

“In your dreams, Sean.” Karen mumbled, opening her eyes and swatting her hand at him.

“I always was told I’m a dreamer. My da-”

“No, not today. Too early.” Karen cut him off. Sean’s face fell for half a second, barely detectable, before a smile was plastered on his face again.

“You’re right, it is early. You know what they say, though, the early bird gets the worm! Sad to say that my worm-” Sean was going down a path that Karen did not like the looks of.

“Sean! That’s disgusting!” Sean laughed, glad he was able to get a reaction out of her. Any attention from Karen was good attention, at least in his mind. 

Karen patted the ground next to her, signaling for him to sit. “Where you boys off to today, then?”

Sean's face lit up as he sat down next to her, happy to be able to tell of the important job that he was going to go on today, “The Grays need security so naturally they called upon Dead Eye Maguire. Nothing gets past me! I could do it by myself, you know, but I decided to let Bill, Micah, and Arthur on the job. Poor boys needed something to do.”

Karen rolled her eyes at the inflated story Sean just told, but upon hearing that Micah would be there, she felt her instincts screaming that this job wasn’t such a good idea. All of Micah’s plans were terrible, truth be told, but Dutch thought differently, for some reason. “Be careful, alright. I don’t trust Micah as far as I can throw him.”

“Ahhh he’s a bastard but he ain’t got nothing on ol’ Sean Maguire. Don’t you worry your pretty little mind about that.”

Karen sighed, remembering that anytime she expressed any concern, Sean’s ego grew. “Forget I said anything.”

A silence, neither particularly comfortable or uncomfortable, grew between them. Karen thought that for once, maybe Sean was just going to leave her alone and go on about his business. But then he wouldn’t be Sean.

“Can I have my kiss now?” Sean puckered his lips and leaned forward. Karen could hardly find it in herself to not slap him.

“Hell no. Go bother someone else.” She tried to shoo him but he wouldn’t leave, not that she particularly expected him to.

“I know you love me, you should just stop fighting and admit it. I’m irresistible”

“I wish I was resistant to you” 

“You’ve got to stop wishing such pain onto yourself,” Sean paused for a second before remembering something that he apparently deemed far more important than further pumping up his ego. “You feeling better today?”

Karen sighed. No she was not feeling better, not at all. She’d been feeling worse and worse every day since she had first fallen ill a little over a week ago. She appreciated Sean asking but didn’t feel like worrying him (and she especially didn’t want to confide in him about what she thought may be causing his illness). “Maybe a little. I’m fine, I promise.”

“Karen, you puked on my shoes last night.” Sean pointed out. 

“Ugh, okay, maybe I’m not fine, but I will be. I’ll be alright, Sean.” Karen’s tone grew softer at the end.

“I’ll pick you up some cola syrup in town. Maybe that’ll help?” 

“That’s not gonna make me kiss you, Sean.” Karen teased.

“I know. Just want to help, is all.” Sean took Karen’s hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles. “Cause I love you, I really do.”

Karen sighed, feigning exasperation. “Oh alright, come here, you.” She pulled Sean in for a quick kiss. It lasted no more than two second but it was more than enough to make Sean happy.

“See everyone, she loves me!” Sean yelled way too comfortably for Karen. He was practically floating on air, skipping across camp. 

Sean had already gotten up onto his horse before Karen yelled back at him,”I do not, you ass!”

Several hours later, the whole gang had turned to chaos. Something had happened to Jack, he was nowhere to be seen. Karen had thought woefully that when no one was watching, maybe he had tried to go swimming in the lake and had drowned. The thought sickened her. But soon enough, Kieran came forward and said he had seen some men come by and had thought they were coming for a meeting. Since no meeting had taken place, it was then assumed that someone had taken Jack. Karen hoped against hope that he was safe.

Karen, trying desperately to comfort Abigail, barely noticed when Micah, Arthur, and later on, Bill returned to camp. And she certainly didn’t notice that Sean didn’t join them. It wasn’t long after Bill returned, however, that Reverend approached her, a solemn look in his eyes.

“Miss Jones, I need to take you somewhere private to talk.” he grabbed for her hand.

“Are you crazy, you drunk bastard? Jack is gone! We all need to help look.”

Reverend’s face changed to a look of pity, which made Karen’s heart sink. She didn’t know what had happened, but something was terribly wrong.

“You’re right, we need to look for Jack, but I still need to talk to you first.”

“Alright.” Reverend led her over to one of the far sides of camp, next to a wagon. Karen grew more uncomfortable with every passing second

“Karen,” Reverend started, “The boys went into town to see the Grays this morning.”

“I know that already!” Karen interrupted impatiently.

“It was a setup. They shot Sean.” Reverend bowed his head.

“Well where is he? I’ll go to the doctor to see him, right now. I’m sure he’ll want to see me.” Karen rambled quickly.

“No, you don’t understand. He um, well he passed. Bill told me earlier and said there was nothing they could have done.”

Karen backed away from Reverend, her hands shaking. “No, no. That-no” She didn’t know what else to say.

“I’m really sorry, we all cared so much about him.” Reverend awkwardly hugged her. She normally didn’t like physical affection, but she didn’t want anyone to see the tears that were streaming down her cheeks. This couldn’t be happening. Sean hadn’t done anything to deserve this. 

“Bill buried him, nice and proper, he said. I’m going over there now. Couldn’t read him his last rites, but hopefully I can still pray over him for a safe journey to Heaven. I’ve got to at least try. I’d like for you to come along, if you can find it in you.”

“Of course I can find it in me!” Karen cried.This was her last chance to say goodbye and there was no way she was going to pass it up.

Reverend helped Karen up onto the wagon and they went on their way. They sat in mutual silence, save for Karen’s soft crying, for most of the ride. Karen didn’t feel up for conversation, understandably. 

When they were getting close to Sean’s final resting place, Karen finally broke the silence. 

“God, I hope he didn’t hurt for long.”

“Bill said they blasted a bullet straight through his skull, so I’m sure he died immediately. Didn’t see it coming.” Reverend responded, without thinking much over how his words might impact Karen.

“Oh my god don’t tell me that!” Karen sobbed, placing her hand over her face.The sentiment made her feel sicker to her stomach than she already had been that morning. This had to be the worst day of her life, no contest.

“I’m sorry Karen-”

“I think I’m gonna be sick” 

“Hold on, we’re almost there.” Reverend assured her.

A moment or so later, they arrived at a little patch of grass, shaded by trees that overlooked Flat Iron Lake. 

“Sean! No no no!” Karen jumped off the wagon and ran to the grave before the horse had made a full stop. She collapsed in front of the grave and cried harder than she had ever remembered doing in the past.

“I know it’s hard, but he’s in a better place now.” Reverend said in an attempt to console her. “You think?” Karen asked between broken sobs.

“Yes, I really do.” Reverend told her, kneeling down and patting her on the back.

Karen, while sitting through Reverend’s prayers for Sean, recalled how poorly she had treated him. She was the worst girlfriend, or whatever she was to him, in the world. No sooner had Reverend said “Amen” before she looked at the cross, which had Sean’s name engraved on it and began rambling.

“I’m sorry I called you an ass. I really didn’t mean it, I swear. I love you, I can’t believe I didn’t tell you, God I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Karen, he knew. If there’s one thing I’m sure of, it’s that he knew that.” Reverend assured her genuinely.

“You promise?” Karen looked back at him, her eyes full of tears and puffy from crying.

“Of course. He’s probably watching over you right now. And I think he’d want you to be strong.”

“I don’t want to be strong. I want to be with him.” In fact, the last thing in the world that Karen wanted to be was “strong”. She was pretty sure she didn’t even have it in her.

“Here, Bill found Sean’s satchel. You can keep it if you like.” Reverend picked up the small bag from the other side of the tree and handed it to Karen.

Karen's hands shook as she opened the satchel. Inside was a wad of money, a half eaten chocolate bar, an unfinished letter he’d written to her that was dated back when he had been taken prisoner by Ike Skelding’s bounty men, an Emerald ring, and the Cola syrup he’d promised her that morning.

#rdr2 #RDR #rdr2 fic #sean maguire #karen jones #sean x karen #Red Dead Redemption #red dead fanfic

[mypimpademia]

Yukio getting caught making out w s/o in his classroom

Yukio x GN!reader

TW: Maybe some swearing, suggestive

Note: another one for the amazing @imaginesbyhev

"Yukiiii." You groaned, for what felt like the thousandth time. "Y/n, I swear I'll hangout with you as long as you'd like as soon as I finish this paper work." Yukio said, eyes never leaving the the paper in front of him.

"You said that literally an hour ago." You complain, looking at the clock. It was about 5 pm, you'd been in his room since 4 like usual, hoping he'd have time to hangout with you. But instead, you've been aimlessly wandering his class, the only sound being his pen moving and the occasional sound of paper on paper.

Of course you knew Yukio was busy, he's an exorcist, a doctor, and teacher all at once. But he was still your boyfriend, and you often missed him. The most time you got together was in class, when he was teaching. And him being the straight edged person he is, kept it professional during work hours no matter what.

"Y/n, after I finish my paper work." Yukio repeated, still not looking in your direction.

You didn't say anything for a few moments, walking up to his chalk board and picking up the chalk that was on the small shelf. "I should draw a dick on your board, just so you can be reminded of what a dick you're being when you have to erase it." You grumbled, loud enough that he could hear it as you grew petty in impatience. .

You expected him to say that you're starting to sound like Rin, but instead you were met with silence.

You sighed, stating at the mud green colored chalk board in front of you when something caught your eye. A small doodle, on the bottom right corner of the chalkboard.

"Don't work too hard, Yuki. Hope to see you by the shop again some time soon!" Signed, Shiemi, with a small happy face next to it.

You let out a small exhale through your nose, feeling your lungs deflate in defeat, as you looked at the tall stack of unfinished papers next to your boyfriend.

"You've even been spending more time with Shiemi than me.." You mumbled. You didn't think that Yukio heard you, so you were surprised to hear his pen stop moving.

Turning to look at him, you found your boyfriends features twisted into a slightly sad expression. A look that said "I'm sorry.". He was still facing his desk, head cranked down towards his paper work. But his eyes were on you.

You expected him to quietly apologize, say that it was only for work, then continue what he was doing. But this time, he moved the paper he was working on to the side, pushing his chair away from his desk.

"Come here." He beckoned you, a small smile on his face.

You practically skipped over to him, standing in front of him as you hoped up onto his desk. Kicking your legs back and forth happily as you grinned down at your handsome boyfriend.

Wheeling his chair back towards you to fix himself between your legs, he tilted his head up to meet your lips with his own.

Starting off with small and hasty pecks, Yukio places his hands on your knees.

You were smiling like an idiot as you brought a hand up to hold his cold face, feeling it warm from the heat of your hands.

Yukio stood from his chair, letting out a small breath of relief as he felt tension leave his back.

"You really missed me, huh Yuki?" You teased, sticking out part of your tounge as you gently tugged the back of Yukios shirt collar.

Looking at his face, you saw him looking stoney faced as usual. The corner of his mouth just barely lifting up, to the point where you almost didn't see it.

Catching you off guard, Yukio went back in to kiss you.

Yukio wasn't usually the one to be extremely bold in your relationship and do things like spontaneously make out with you. So when he gets those moments and takes the first step, you relish in them.

You shuddered slightly, feeling Yukio grabbing your waist in an almost bruising grip. As he leaned forward, you leaned back in response, kiss never breaking.

"Oh my~" You heard a vaguely familiar voice say from the direction of the door. You and Yukio cautiously flicked your eyes towards the door, lips still pressed together, bodies frozen in shock.

You were met with Mephisto and a giggly Rin. The two of you quickly fix yourselves up, flustered messes as you straightened your clothing.

"DAMN BRO, YOURE ACTUALLY GETTING IT IN? IM SUCH A PROUD BIG BROTHER, YOU LEARNED FROM THE BEST." Rin spoke through, a burst of laughter. "Rin, aren't you still a virgin?" Yukio retorted.

You covered your mouth to muffle a snort, as Rin immediately stopped laughing. "Y'know what-" Rin began, only to be cut off by Mephisto. "Now now boys, settle down." He cut in.

"Mr. Okumura, I'm sorry to have caught you at such an... intimate time." Mephisto said, a small giggle slipping out when he paused. "I only came to remind you about the staff meeting at 7:45 today." He informed.

"Because of the meeting ill allow you to hold off on your paper work, that shoud give you enough time to finish other..." Mephisto looked you up and down, sending a wink in your direction upon meeting your eye. "Work." He finished. "Thats all, au revoir." Mephisto bid goodbye, dramatically spinning as he dragged Rin away, as Rin was still yelling about Yukio commenting on his virginity.

"So; your dorm?" You offered.

Yukio looked at you with an uncharacteristicly smug look on his face.

"Yeah."

#blue exorcist headcanons #blue exorcist yukio #blue exorcist #blue excorsist #yukio okumura #rin okumura #okumura #mephisto #mephisto pheles #ano exorcist

[itefi-n-ferlet]

how would you envision a kid or kids that freed and laxus adopted? I just need fraxus daddies in my life 💞

Hi! Sorry that it took me time to answer this, Fraxus is not one of my usual ships, so I did not know whether to answer or not. And well, I didn't come up with a design for him, I'm not good at drawing, but I said to myself, my strong point is writing, 🤔 after all, I'm a fanficker, so I decided to respond in this way. I hope I do not offend any Fraxus shipper with this headcanon, 🤞 even if it is not one of my ships I think it is a nice ship and I treated it with all the respect it deserves. 🙌 I apologize for any typing errors as English is not my first language. 😅

💛 FRAXUS ADOPTIVE SON HEADCANON 💚

》The first time they meet the boy was in a town were they were on a mission, the boy saved them from drinking a poisonous beverage.

》The second time they found the boy, he was lying on the street unconscious.

》They took him to a doctor and learnt from the village people that the boy is homeless and a orphan. A Dark guild killed his family when he was three (right now he is seven), that Dark Guild used people as experiments to practice forbidden spells and curses, the dark guild was taking down by a group of braves and unknow mages, Laxus realizes it was Crime Sorciere who defeated them.

》The doctor says to them that the boy has an strange disease and he doesn't know what to do.

》They decide to take the boy to the best healer they know: Porlyusica.

》Even sick, the boy talked a lot with them during the trip. The only way to stop his chattering was when illness caused him to pass out, or when Freed taught him to write letters using his magic, or when Laxus loaned him his headphones.

》The boy decides that he wants to have long hair like Freed, but he gets sad thinking how many years that is going to take and that maybe he doesn't have that many time. Freed and Laxus feel their heart ache a lot.

》Porlyusica receives the request in her usual bad mood, but agrees to treat the boy. Obviously, she throws Laxus and Freed out of her house, but first, the weak boy, between sobs, asks Laxus to lend him his headphones, Laxus agrees immediately.

》Freed decides to camp outside Porlyusica 's house still defying the healer's bad mood.

》Laxus is the one who brings his meals every day.

》Evergreen and Bickslow offer to fetch whatever rare medicine or herb Porlyusika needs.

》One day the boy gets really sick, Porlyusica asks them to prepare for the worst in the next days.

》Freed cuts his hair as an offering to the gods for the boy to get better.

》Seeing the sadness of his friends, along with Freed's hair, Bickslow offers one of his "babies/dolls" as a sacrifice on the altar of Kardia's cathedral and Evergreen her most favorite fan.

》Laxus asks his grandfather for help. Makarov sees how desperate he is and advises to find Wendy and bring her back immediately.

》Like a miracle, Team Natsu arrives a few hours later to town, Wendy goes to help the boy but she can only help alleviate the symptoms a bit, but when Porlyusica leaves her alone for a moment, Wendy asks Irene's soul piece inside her if she can help the boy, Irene feels sorry for the boy and analyzes him and realizes that the boy is actually linked to a curse, if they could find out what curse it is, she could remove it.

》Wendy says this to Laxus and he remembers that Crime Sorciere took care of that dark guild, so he looks for Erza to communicate with Jellal, again, luck is on his side (or rather Freed's offering continues to take effect ) because Jellal is with Erza in the guild and informs him of what happened years ago in that town and that he knows pretty well wich was the curse that those dark magicians were perfecting using the citizens.

》Upon receiving the information, Wendy and Irene can remove the curse, Porlyusica takes care of the last symptoms with her herbs.

》Laxus can't help but feel a lump in his throat when he arrives at Porlyusica's house and is given the good news, Freed breaks down in outrageous tears and Porlyusica throws them all out of her house again.

》The first thing the boy asks Laxus after he fully recovers is if, now that he is no longer ill, he can no longer use his headphones, Laxus smiles gently and tells him that those headphones are already his, that he gave them to him as a gift.

》Makarov seeing his grandson so happy and relieved asks Laxus if he is going to follow in his grandfather's footsteps and take children without families into his care, to Makarov's surprise, Laxus smiles warmly.

》When Laxus tells Freed about the idea his grandfather gave him, Freed tells him that he had already sent Evergreen and Bickslow to get the adoption papers in the boy's hometown and he just had to sign. Laxus is surprised, but then he just lets out a long sigh and signs the papers.

》The guild throws a big welcome party for the boy.

》Aside from the great news that he already had amazing parents, a loving grandfather, and a large family by his side, the boy's favorite gifts were the huge cake Erza bought for the party, and his parents' request to Lucy to use the Cancer's key to growing his hair long and beautiful like his father Freed had before offering it for his salvation.

》His favorite way of wearing his hair from then on was in a high ponytail with his father Laxus' headphones decorating it.

... FIN...

Hope you like it!! Btw, I didn't give the boy a name cause I am really bad at choosing names. 😅

#ask #fraxus #laxus dreyar #freed justine #raijinshuu #fairy tail

[hieludoboi]

A List of Things I’d Like to do With You (Pt 4/9)

A/n- hahahahahah this got deleted but I had it saved on my grammarly and prowritingaid accounts so we’re gucci. Just gotta proofread now 

A/n- this is just me indulging my Bokuroo fantasies tbh 

Links- Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 5

Summary- Cute little carnival/amusement park date

Pairing- Daichi/Fem!Reader

Word Count- 6,000+

Trigger Warnings- Sick reader, terminal illness, vomit, blood, pretty sad, crying

________________________________________________________________

Daichi’s mother sighed as she sat on the park bench, a watchful eye over her three-year-old son. Daichi was running as best as he could through the sand, finding joy in kicking it up as he ran. The park was empty, filled only by Daichi’s occasional giggles and the creaking of the swings gently swaying in the evening breeze. 

Daichi wasn’t always the most social of children, being too shy and scared to play with the other children, and his mother desperately hoped that bringing him to the park would help him open up. It was rare that Daichi would want to play with the other children, preferring to observe them instead. But then she had shown up to the park.

A younger woman with a chubby little girl who couldn’t stop laughing or smiling. From the moment she had wobbled into the park, it seemed to grow brighter. Daichi was instantly drawn to her, his eyes following her all over the park while she ran around with different groups of children. 

Though, Mrs. Sawamura had to admit that the little girl had quite the character. It seemed like an eternity before Daichi stopped staring and finally walked towards her. The little girl was running around with a group of kids, giggling and laughing while they played tag. Daichi’s mother watched her son, smiling as he slowly started walking towards her, a shy smile on his face. 

And then he stopped in his tracks, eyes wide as she ran blindly towards him, head turned to the side to look at her mother with a wide smile. In two seconds they had knocked into each other, falling into a heap of limbs onto the sand. The little girl cried, face scrunched up while one hand covered the bruise on her shin. Mrs. Sawamura ran towards the children, looking up in time to see an apologetic and sweet-faced woman rushing towards the children. 

Before either of them could get to the children, Daichi had leaned forward, his forehead bumping against the girls with a soft ‘knock’. Both women stood in shock behind their children, watching as they looked up and giggled, wide grins and closed-eyed smiles as they bumped heads again. In the amount of time it took them to realize what had happened, Daichi had stood, helping up the little girl before she pulled him off to her group of friends. 

“Oh. Well, that went better than I thought.” Mrs. Sawamura giggled at the stunned look on the woman’s face. 

----------------------------

“All together, we have...... around 580 yen.” Daichi sighed, leaning back on his palms. It was cool outside, the spring breeze wafting between the trees and grass while Daichi and Y/n sat on Y/n’s porch. The convenience store wasn’t too far away, and their parents wouldn’t be home for another hour or so. As two fourteen-year-olds, they didn’t have too many options. It was either wait and starve or walk to the convenience store down the street and bicker over what they would share. 

“That’s enough for some onigiri and drinks!” Y/n determined, placing her fist in her hand, a grin on her face. Daichi groaned, shaking his head. He was not in the mood for onigiri. 

“It’s enough for some meat buns and drinks.” Daichi corrected a satisfied smile on his face. Daichi could practically feel Y/n’s entire face scrunch from beside him. 

“Onigiri.” Y/n grumbled, glaring at the side of Daichi’s face. Daichi scowled, turning to look at Y/n, a dark look on his face. Y/n’s eyes widened, her body trembling. Daichi’s ‘serious’ face was scary, but she would not waver. 

“Why don’t we just do one meat bun and one onigiri, problem solved,” Daichi suggested. Y/n groaned, dragging her palms down her face.

“We discussed this already! Onigiri is like 100 yen each, which leaves 280 yen for drinks and maybe chips! Meat buns are 200 each, that leaves only 180 for drinks and snacks! Onigiri are cheaper and yummier!“ Y/n argued, huffing when Daichi rolled his eyes.  

“You two are ridiculous. Just get one meat bun, one onigiri, and you’ll have enough for drinks.” Y/n and Daichi looked up, momentarily breaking their staring contest to see Suga shaking his head above them. 

“Suga, one onigiri will not be enough to pull me through the day!” Y/n explained, an exasperated look on her face. Daichi nodded, agreeing with her for once that day. 

“Yeah, one meat bun will not be enough!” Daichi echoed, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“I think you’ll survive. Besides, your guys’ parents will be home soon to make dinner.” Suga reasoned. Y/n hummed, deep in thought. Daichi narrowed his eyes, seeming to contemplate Suga’s words.

“You may have a point.” Y/n mumbled. Suga smiled, reaching down to help Daichi and Y/n up from the porch.

“Let’s go then, yeah? My friend’s grandma runs the convenience store down the street and said they’re having a special on onigiri, so let’s go!” Suga whined. Y/n giggled, standing up and sticking her tongue out at Daichi. 

“Told you Onigiri are more cost-efficient!”

“Those were not your exact words!” Daichi grumbled, standing up to trail behind Suga and Y/n. 

-------------------------

It was one of those rare Saturday afternoons that Ukai had given them off. With nationals inching closer and closer, their free time seemed to be growing thinner. Practices took up most, if not all of his time. Yet still, he made time to go visit her. With the winter fast approaching, and the snow threatening to fall, Daichi found himself bringing her fresh flowers as often as he could.

Walking into the cemetery no longer had the effect it once did. The smell of chrysanthemums still stung his nose, but his rage was becoming less and less. He had taken Suga’s and Asahi’s advice, keeping her alive through his memories. It was a nice sentiment, and maybe it wasn’t how he wanted to spend his life with her, but it was much better than acting as if nothing had happened. Yet still, he was running out of things to talk about with her, the only things left being her list and her death. And while Daichi was happy to laugh and talk about their air balloon ride and their night under the stars, he was still not ready to remember how she died in his arms, face scrunched in agony, eyes glassed over as she realized her death was inching nearer. He didn’t want to think about the way she screamed, squeezing his hand purple while she begged the doctors to make it stop. Daichi sighed, pinching his temples and shaking his head. Not yet. He still had good things to talk about. 

Daichi took in a deep breath, relishing in the way the crisp December air stung his nostrils and chilled his chest. Lately, there had been no one to greet him at her grave, only flowers left by the other boys who would come on their free time, even some things from Bokuto and Kuroo who had been friends with her when her family moved to Tokyo for a few years before coming back, their friendship being rekindled at the training camp. 

He had recently become friends with the owners of a small flower shop. They were quite the pair, the old lady being very brash and opinionated, keeping the old man laughing and on his toes. The old man was serious, her exact opposite. He seemed to keep her grounded, stable, and unwavering. In some ways, Daichi could see Y/n in the woman, and himself in the old man, and it made his heart ache. He wondered if they would have led a life like that. Old and wrinkled, yet still full of life, a little shop all their own crawling with grandchildren every Saturday, their children coming in every Monday to help carry heavy vases.

This time, Daichi held a bouquet of yellow tsubakis in his hand. He grunted, settling in the cold and stiff grass, placing the bouquet next to the purple bell flowers that he could only assume one of the boys had brought her. 

“Sometimes I feel stupid for coming to talk to you. You’re dead, donezo as you would say... Sometimes I come and see Suga sitting here just talking the day away, telling you about everything and I feel stupid. I just- I don’t know why everyone’s okay with it and I’m not. You’re not suffering or anything anymore, but-” Daichi could feel his jaw clench, his eyes snapping shut to prevent any tears, but they fell. They spilled as if fleeing from a broken damn, dripping down his face onto his pants and shirt. He felt stupid. 

It had been so long, and he thought he was getting over it. Just last week he had sat with Asahi and talked to him with a smile on his face. He attended practices and acted as a good captain should. He felt fine, so why was he crying? Why did things suddenly become hard? How come all his progress seemed to get washed away by tsunamis of sorrow?

“Kou, she doesn’t like bell flowers!”

“Tetsu- yes she does! Which one of us did she go to school with, hmm?”

“Ugh, you, but-”

“Exactly! I know her better than you do!”

Daichi looked up, his vision blurred by his tears, his body trembling and weak. Hurriedly, Daichi wiped at his eyes, hoping to wipe away any traces of his pain.

“Huh, Daichi? Are you okay?” Bokuto’s voice was soft, full of worry and sympathy. His eyes were rounded and soft, a small frown tugging at his lips. Daichi nodded, sniffing, and turning to look at the trees behind him. He was fine. It had been months, he had to be fine at this point.

Daichi could hear both captains huff before plopping down beside him, the bottom halves of their faces covered by scarves. Bokuto turned to look at him, his smile hidden behind his scarf but present in his warm eyes. Kuroo offered Daichi a smile, reaching over to place the purple bell flowers beside Daichi’s bouquet. 

They sat there in silence for a moment, Bokuto twiddling his thumbs while Kuroo stared off into the distance, eyes focused on nothing in particular. Daichi could hear Bokuto fiddling beside him, humming while he played with his scarf. Who knew encounters outside of the court could be so awkward.

“Hey, uhm, not to be rude, but are you feeling okay?” Bokuto asked, his bottom lip caught between his teeth in worry. Daichi looked up in surprise, his eyes locking with Bokuto’s. 

“Uh, yeah. I’m pretty okay, I guess. It’s just hard...” Daichi mumbled, his hand holding onto the back of his neck, cheeks dusted over with a soft blush. 

“Well, at least two of us are doing okay. Bokuto seems to bawl his eyes out every other day just by thinking about her. You’d think they were soul mates with the way he cries.” Kuroo scoffed, leaning back on his palms, gazing at the clouds in the cold and gray sky. 

“We weren’t! We were just good friends, and it hurts to lose someone you cared about! I may not have been as close to her as Daichi, but she was still my friend and I miss her. A lot, okay!? And at least I process my feelings instead of being a jerk like you!” Bokuto retorted, tears pooling in his eyes, his hand reaching up to pull down his scarf so he could yell at Kuroo. “Maybe if you had an Akaashi, you would know how to process your emotions in a healthy way!” Bokuto added, turning his entire body, his lips in a pout while he sniffled. Daichi’s eyes widened as he looked between both males. What happened? 

Kuroo’s eyes seemed to soften, a soft sigh escaping his lips. Daichi chuckled when Kuroo gave him an apologetic smile before crawling towards Bokuto to sit next to him, his arms wrapping around Bokuto. 

“Kou, I’m sorry, bro. I know it’s hard, and you’re doing a great job. I’m proud of you, bro, so forgive me?” Bokuto wrapped his arms around Kuroo, nodding his head before pulling away to wipe his tears away. 

Daichi couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face and the laugh that left his lips. Their bickering reminded him of the way Y/n used to pick fights with him when she was bored. It made his chest fizzle with warmth, his cheeks feeling warm and pink with joy. He understood why she adored those two as much as she did.

“What’s so funny?” Bokuto huffed, his mitten clad hands still wiping at his eyes. Daichi shook his head, the grin still on his face.

“It just reminds me of the way Y/n and I used to argue.” Daichi chuckled, staring at the silver bracelet on his wrist with fondness. 

“Tetsu! What if we’re soulmates!” Bokuto gasped, his hands gripping Kuroo’s shoulders, shaking him. Kuroo groaned, but couldn’t stop the grin that spread across his face.

“You’re my world, bro!” Kuroo declared, laughing at Bokuto’s antics. Daichi felt his smile drop a bit. They thought Y/n was his soulmate? Was she? Daichi stared at the flowers, deep in thought. Perhaps they were soulmates. 

“Oh! That reminds me! Y/n promised to tell me about the carnival! But, you know...” Bokuto mumbled, his eyes focused on his crossed knees. Daichi looked up, his eyes seeming to twinkle a bit at the mention of the memory. 

“Oh! Yeah, for sure, She got a spike to the face that day...” Daichi admitted, a bashful smile on his face.

---------------------------

Garbage. That’s the only way she could describe the way she felt. Her face clung onto a sickly pale and yellow undertone. The meat that used to reside on her bones had become a snack for the reaper that loomed above her head. Her eyes were like grainy and murky pearls resting in the deep and hollow pits of clamshells, and her cheekbones spiked through her skin like mountain peaks. Okay, so maybe she didn’t look that horrendous. In reality, she had shed maybe ten pounds? But she felt disgusting, her body wasting away into nothing. At her doctor’s appointments, she was told that she was surprisingly healthy, told she was fine, and maybe it was because they weren’t living with death that they didn’t see what she saw. 

Yet, even with the constant threat of death, she found something to keep her happy. At the moment, it was her relationship with Daichi. As promised, they tried. It wasn’t all kissing and cuddles; it wasn’t just romantic, but Y/n liked it. She liked the warmth that spread across her body whenever Daichi held her hand. She lived for the way he gazed at her. She adored the massages to her scalp, the kisses to her knuckles as they laid in his bed. The study dates, each celebratory hug after each game that was won, the little bits of intimacy that suddenly were sprinkled all throughout their interactions. It was subtle, nothing to hoot and holler about, but it made her happy. 

As per Daichi’s request, the events on her list were now planned, having a time and date. Though she lived for the spontaneous moments in life, she also liked knowing when things were happening. Even a person as chaotic as she could enjoy stability from time to time.

Y/n hummed to herself as she rolled in the five-gallon cooler filled with water. Kiyoko trailed behind her, checking things off of her clipboard and occasionally shooting Y/n a question or two. 

“Y/n-San!” Y/n looked up in time to see Noya and Tanaka running at her, hands outstretched to try to catch the volleyball that Asahi had accidentally sent flying her way. She couldn’t move, her feet practically glued to the ground. Before she knew it she was stumbling and tripping over her feet, her body falling onto the hard gym floor. Y/n groaned, holding the side of her head, her vision out of focus and her temples throbbing. Everything was spinning, and the familiar burn at the base of her throat began to bubble. Before Daichi or anyone could react, Kiyoko quickly helped her up, rushing Y/n to the bathroom. 

Y/n cried as she hunched over the toilet, Kiyoko rubbing her back to comfort her. It hurt, it hurt so bad, and all Y/n could do was sob and heave as the sick and blood flew from her lips. She hated that Kiyoko had to see it, hated that someone knew. No one was supposed to know. 

“Y/n...” Y/n looked up at Kiyoko to see her hand covering her mouth, tears welling in her eyes. “W-we need to call an ambulance, or-or take you to the doctor-” Kiyoko stuttered, her hand shaking as she reached for her phone.

“No! N-” Y/n heaved, gagging and wincing as nothing came up. “Please, no. I’m okay. I-” Y/n shuttered as she wiped the blood from her lips, looking down at the back of her hand to stare at the blood. “Sit.” Y/n patted the floor next to her. The bathroom floor was filthy, but she couldn’t find the strength she needed to stand. She still felt so light-headed, her vision going in and out of focus. Kiyoko nodded, sitting down beside Y/n, her hand still gripping her cell phone. 

“Please. Don’t tell anyone, I- I don’t want anyone to get upset.” Y/n stuttered, wincing as she hiccuped, the taste of sick and metallic blood coating her mouth and tongue. Kiyoko stared at Y/n, her eyes soft and sad. Though her hand was still trembling, she reached out, gently taking Y/n’s hand into her own. 

“I have terminal stomach cancer.” Y/n whispered, her hand gripping onto Kiyoko’s with a vice-like grip. It was the first time she had admitted to anybody that she was sick. It was the first time she had acknowledged she was sick. Y/n looked away, covering her mouth with her free hand to muffle the soft sobs that spilled from her lips. She was sick. Dying, she was dying and there was nothing that could cure or save her. No amount of treatment in the world could kill the cancer that was already spreading through her body, tearing it apart like a rabid and hungry animal. She was dying.

Y/n shook her head, her body trembling violently, the sobs spilling from her lips growing in volume. Oh god, she was sick. Kiyoko sniffled, pulling her into a hug on the filthy bathroom floor, holding her tightly against her body as she sobbed into her shoulder. Y/n was heaving, crying and practically screaming into Kiyoko’s shoulder, the hurt reverberating through her chest, filling the bathroom with a solemn haze. Soon, there was nothing left of her voice, her mouth meekly hanging open in a silent scream, her erratic breathing rocking her body to the core. 

It’s not like Kiyoko hadn’t seen it. In fact, most of the other boys had probably seen it too. Her eyes, though still bright, were now dull. Her body seemed to be subtly wasting away, the fullness of her face subduing. She wasn’t gaunt; she wasn’t terrible, but anyone who knew her well enough could notice it. 

----------------------

Daichi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose while Asahi, Noya, and Suga bickered in the background. Noya had been teasing Asahi for the past fifteen minutes about how his spike knocked Y/n to the ground. Suga had kept telling Noya to leave Asahi, but Noya was relentless in his attacks, leaving poor Asahi sulking and damn near close to tears.

“Short stack! Leave Man Bun alone or you’ll be running laps!” Ukai screamed, his eyebrows furrowed with anger. Daichi laughed, shaking his head as Noya instantly stopped, practically trudging back to the court to work on his receives. While they were poking fun at Asahi, Daichi couldn’t help but wonder how Y/n was doing. She had taken a spike to the face, and was struggling to get up, her face going pale while she stumbled over her feet. 

Speak of the devil, Daichi thought to himself, breathing a sigh of relief as Y/n walked back into the gym, Kiyoko right by her side. Daichi stared at her as she walked by, his eyes raking over every detail of her face. She seemed a bit dizzy, her eyes glassed over and her skin a little ashen, but nothing seemed too out of the ordinary. He hummed to himself, his eyes focusing on the redness of her eyes and the swelling of her cheeks. Had she been crying? Daichi turned around, eyes meeting Ukai's, silently asking for permission. Ukai gave him a curt nod and Daichi silently thanked him before jogging towards Y/n who was sat next to Kiyoko on the stage.

"You okay?" Daichi asked, taking her hands in his, his thumbs brushing lightly over her knuckles. Y/n sniffled, leaning forward and letting herself be caught against Daichi's chest. Daichi grunted, chuckling as she buried her face into his chest.

"Did it hurt that much?" Daichi teased, bringing a hand up to gently massage the back of her head. Y/n huffed, pulling back to butt her head against Daichi's. 

"Jerk. If you caught one of Asahi's spikes with your face you'd be crying too!" Y/n retorted, sharply turning her head so Daichi could only see her cheek. 

"Wow. So that's how it is!" Daichi huffed, leaning forward to nudge his nose against her cheek. He laughed as Y/n gasped, eyes going wide with embarrassment. He loved seeing her get all flustered. She obviously wasn't doing too bad, but Daichi still couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

"It is! Now hurry so we can go on another escapade! You take way too much time in the shower to be idling by!" Y/n said, pushing Daichi away from in between her legs so he could join the others.

----------------------

"Okay, can you tell me where we're going?" Daichi asked, leaning slightly to the left to lean his head against Y/n's shoulder as she drove. Y/n huffed, shrugging his head off of her shoulder before pulling into a relatively empty parking lot. "Is this- are we at an amusement park?" Daichi stared at Y/n with disbelief. An amusement park? 

"Yes, sir!" Y/n chirped happily, unbuckling her seatbelt to practically jump out of the car. Daichi sighed, dragging himself out of the car. It's not that didn't want to be there, but the smell of hotdogs and grease, fried foods, and the occasional pile of vomit were not the least bit appealing to him. But the smile on her face was all he needed to look at to go along with her plan. 

She called them escapades, little adventures they took based on her bucket list. She always seemed to be teeming with glee whenever they completed one. Her eyes regained their usual glint, her smile was no longer restrained, and the color even began to seep back into her skin. It was the only reason Daichi let himself be dragged along. 

"So... Games or rides?" Y/n questioned, taking his hand in hers as they walked into the park. Daichi hummed, looking around the park and contemplating his options. 

"Games first. I wanna be corny and win you a huge stuffed animal." Daichi said, nodding his head with determination and placing his fist on his palm. Y/n laughed, shaking her head in amusement. She was relaxed, leaning into Daichi's side and playing with his hand as they looked for their first game. 

"Bet you I can win you a stuffed animal before you can!" Y/n teased, pulling away from Daichi, a sly grin on her face. Daichi tutted, staring at her in surprise. Her competitive streak hadn't shown itself in a while.

"Oh? How much do you wanna bet?" Daichi questioned, leaning close to her face, a smirk on his face. 

"If you lose, which you will, we go get onigiri!" Y/n grinned, leaning forward, almost closing the gap between them.

"Fine. If I win, which I definitely will, we go get meat buns." Daichi declared, closing the gap between them to capture her lips in a playful kiss. Y/n pulled away, casting her gaze off to the side while her fingers played with the bottom of her shirt. As flustered as she was, she would not lose!

-------------------------

It took a while before they finally settled on ring tossing. It took a lot of bickering and convincing, but there they were, glaring at each other as they practically ripped the rings out of the poor worker's hands. 

"I'm gonna beat you, Sawamura." Y/n threatened, her gaze still locked onto Daichi's. 

"That's rich coming from you, L/n." Daichi's voice was cold with a playful lilt, the same smirk still plastered onto his face. Y/n tutted, breaking the staring contest to instead focus on the game. Not because Daichi's smirk made her flustered, totally not because of that, not at all...

Daichi laughed, practically throwing his head back at the scowl that adorned Y/n's face. Y/n could feel her face scrunch, but she paid no attention to Daichi or his antics. She took a breath before throwing her first ring, groaning as it clung to the rim of the bottle before slipping off.

"What'd you say, L/n?" She could hear the stupid smirk in his voice. God, she wanted to punch him in his stupidly handsome face sometimes. Daichi gave her a smug look, tossing one of his rings and waiting for it to land. Only it didn't, not even close. It flew short, falling before it could reach it. Y/n could feel the laughter burst from her chest like water flowing from a broken dam. 

"Dude! Oh my god! You should see the look on your face right now!" Y/n was cackling, doubling over and holding onto her sides, wheezing while tears pooled in the corners of her eyes. Daichi was hunched over, eyes locked on the fallen ring on the dirt floor. He? Missed? Daichi watched as Y/n stood back up, her cheeks glistening with tears of laughter. He had four rings left, he still had a good shot of getting all three bottles. 

"Doesn't count," Daichi grumbled, scowling when Y/n continued to tease him.

"Daichi! Watch this!" Y/n called, easily tossing a ring onto the rim of the bottle. Daichi stood straight, eyes locked onto the rims. He was going to win. He wasn't the most pride obsessed person on the planet, but he'd be damned if their dinner wasn't some tasty, big, and juicy meat buns. Y/n straightened after leaning over to throw her third ring, visibly deflating when it missed. She had two more rings, and only two bottles left. Daichi still had a chance.

Daichi cleared his throat, standing tall when Y/n turned to look at him with confused eyes. He made sure to make a grand display, picking up the ring with exaggerated gesture and leaning over with his butt sticking out before daintily throwing the ring, watching with a smile as it spun around the rim before falling in place around the neck. Y/n groaned, turning away instead to focus on her bottles. She was a prideful person, and losing a bet she made did not sit well with her at all. 

"And we have a winner!" Y/n looked up in surprise, mouth hanging open as Daichi smugly stood with his hands on his hips. 

"Take your pick, Y/n." Daichi's smile was wide, spreading across his face and leaking into his eyes and the red tips of his ears. Though her pride had been badly bruised by the loss, she couldn't help but feel giddy as she pointed to the massive frog that sat atop the rest of the plushies. Daichi thanked the man running the stall as he gave him the frog, turning to place the stuffed frog in Y/n's open and waiting arms. 

"Thank you." Y/n murmured, leaning forward to place a chaste kiss to Daichi's cheek. She could feel the warmth rush into his face the moment she pulled away, his mouth hanging slightly open.

"It was nothing,” Daichi admitted, rubbing the back of his neck while he looked around the rest of the park. 

"More games? Or do you wanna go on rides?" Y/n asked, her chin resting on the top of her frog plush. Daichi tapped his chin in thought. They had many options here. They could waste their money on more games and probably not win prizes because let's face it, these games are rigged. They could use their bracelets to their advantage and ride every ride they had to offer, which probably wasn't a good idea as both of them had really bad motion sickness. Or they could gorge on all the greasy and fried foods until they were stuffed sick.

Daichi loved food, adored it, but he knew he wouldn't be ab;e to enjoy the soggy grease smothered fried food on sticks without Ukai yelling at him. The games, though fun, would only cause an argument. For as much as he loved her, sometimes he just wanted to shove her into a pit. Daichi was a bit of a sore loser, and Y/n an even bigger one. Some rides weren't too bad, not all of them were roller coasters that would make them throw everything back up. 

"What if we ride the carousel?" Daichi suggested, wrapping an arm around her shoulders and pulling her into his side. 

"We'd look like idiots." Y/n deadpanned, looking up at Daichi with a serious expression. Daichi rolled his eyes, sighing through his nose.

"Since when have you cared about looking like an idiot?" Daichi shot back. Y/n scoffed, turning her nose upwards. 

"Excuse you, but I am a very dignified person!" Y/n retorted. She watched as Daichi laughed, his eyes crinkling at the corners, his head tilting back. Did he really think of her that way? She knew he was joking, but she couldn't help but bite the inside of her cheek with worry. Did he think she was an idiot?

-----------------

Y/n laughed wholeheartedly as she hoisted herself onto the metal horse, watching as Daichi situated himself on the horse next to her, sitting straight and tall, mimicking some fake posh pose. 

"Madam," Daichi said seriously, pretending to tip his 'hat'. Y/n stifled her laughter, trying her best to curtsy on the horse.

"Good sir," Y/n replied, the grin creeping back up onto her face. 

-------------------------

Daichi hummed to himself happily as Y/n pulled him around the park, going from game to ride to food to game. She was buzzing with energy, pretty e/c eyes glimmering in the red, blue, green, and orange light of the park. At this point, they had gone on almost every ride, save for the rollercoasters. The only ride left was the Ferris wheel.

"C'mon!" Y/n tugged at Daichi's hand, pulling him closer to the giant and lit up wheel. They were some of the last people left at the park, and the lines for everything were now a lot shorter. In a matter of minutes, Daichi was sat next to Y/n, the giant frog on the ground next to the operator. Y/n looked up at Daichi, a grin on her face as she leaned into his side. 

She felt happy, warm, and safe. She felt it all the time, bubbling in her chest and fluttering in her stomach like butterflies. But she was tired, drained, and depleted. It took everything in her to not fall asleep on Daichi; it took all her energy to smile and giggle. She felt joy; she felt as if she were basking in a clear pool of nostalgia and warmth, but the irritation seemed to find a way into the pool to taint it. She felt nice, so why did she want to scream? Why did she want to cry and curse the world and everyone in it? 

You're so stupid, you're going to die, idiot, Y/n thought to herself, sinking further into Daichi's side, her gaze focused on the moon that began to rise. Was it really that late? The ride came to a halt, the carriage that Y/n and Daichi sat in stopping at the very top. Y/n looked over the side, gasping as she surveyed the park, eyes skimming over various stands and lights. 

Pretty. It was one of the few ways Daichi could describe the sight. The various colors of lights that bathed the park in shades on blue, green, red, and orange shone like a soft glow off of Y/n's s/c skin, reflecting on her cheeks like little ponds of light. Her eyes were open and round, mouth slightly agape. Pretty.

Y/n turned to look at Daichi, a wonder-filled grin on her face. Daichi smiled, his eyes tender. He leaned forward, one hand cupping her face, his thumb gently stroking the skin beneath it. Y/n relaxed under the touch, leaning into it. They stayed like that for a moment, Daichi stroking her cheek while she sat relaxed and still with closed eyes. And then Daichi was leaning in, pressing a warm and slow kiss to her lips. Y/n could feel the fire prickle underneath her skin, crawling to the tips of her toes and fingers. She could feel a buzz prance on her face, she could hear her blood rushing and heart beating. Daichi's hand dropped to her neck, giving it the lightest squeeze, his palms feeling like silk draped against her neck. 

Y/n pulled away, pupils blown and lips parted. She could feel Daichi's eyes studying her entire face, taking in every dip and angle, memorizing every beauty mark like they were constellations in the sky. Before she could steady her breathing, Daichi was dipping his head, pressing his lips to hers once again, gently nipping at her bottom lip before pulling away.

"Is this okay?" Daichi whispered, his eyes closed, lips closer to her jaw now than they were before. Y/n gulped, her gaze flitting down to Daichi before nodding. Daichi stayed still for a minute, relishing in the heat of her skin. Then before he could think, he was peppering kisses along her jaw, gently working his way down to her neck. Y/n gasped, body jolting when Daichi's lips brushed against her neck. Daichi chuckled, brushing the area with the tip of his nose, a smile sneaking onto his lips when he heard a giggle slip past Y/n's lips. 

Tenderly, he pressed a kiss to her neck. Nothing more, nothing less. He stayed still, the silent question hanging in the air. May I? He could feel the way her breaths became just the slightest bit sporadic, he could feel every jolt, hear every gasp and giggle. Could he? And then Y/n was holding his hand, giving it a soft squeeze. Daichi pressed one more kiss to the area before giving it a swift nip, quickly pressing his lips to it to soothe the soft nip of pain. Y/n giggled at the sensation, her laughter quickly being drowned by soft gasps as Daichi began to bruise the skin with his lips and teeth. Daichi pulled back, pressing one final kiss to the patch of skin before lifting his head to give Y/n a soft smile. 

---------------------------

Daichi had been scrolling through his phone, waiting for Y/n in the truck while she made a quick trip into the convenience store to pick up the meat buns they had bet on. She had insisted on going into the convenience store with her giant plushie, stating that it was because she was in love with it, and not because she wanted to show a friend of hers who just so worked there. It had been well over fifteen minutes before Y/n stepped into the car again, a sour look on her face and the bag with the meat buns in her hand. Daichi didn't even have to ask her what was wrong. As soon as she sat down she was going off about some lady in the store.

"She called me childish! Said I was probably irresponsible and then lectured me! Stupid lady, ruining my night." Y/n grumbled, giving Daichi his meat buns and leaving hers in the bag so she could drive. "You don't think I'm childish and irresponsible, right?" Y/n asked, her eyes focused on the road. Daichi stilled, his face shoved into the savory pork bun. He did not want to answer that. "Daichi?" As much as he loved her, even Daichi could admit she was a bit of a handful sometimes. She managed to get in trouble wherever she went, and there wasn't a day that went by where Daichi wasn't dragging her out of that mess. But Daichi adored it. Even if it meant getting in trouble with the neighbors and his parents. She was his constant reminder that life was meant to be lived. 

"I think you can be all those things and more, but it's charming," Daichi responded truthfully, chuckling when Y/n perked up in her seat. 

"Thanks, Dai," Y/n murmured, keeping her eyes on the road as to not make eye contact with Daichi.

"Meat bun?" Daichi offered, pulling one of the buns from the plastic bag, unwrapping it, and holding it to her lips.

"I prefer onigiri." Y/n teased, leaning forward to take a quick bite from the bun.

------------------------------------------

Bokuto leaned back on his palms, a soft smile on his face. Daichi sighed, his eyes focused on the hem of his coat. He wondered, what happened to her frog? 

"It's comforting to know she was happy those last few months," Kuroo admitted, his hands on his knees. Daichi looked up to see Bokuto and Kuroo gazing out at the sky, eyes focusing on the different clouds that billowed across the cold, grey skies. 

"It is, huh..." Daichi agreed, allowing himself to relax and smile. It was nice to think she had been happy. At least for a little bit.

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