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viva-la-runaway · 7 months

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Info about me!

~~ Basics ~~

You can call me Ally, or Viva. Either is fine.

I'm 18, bisexual (taken), and I'm a self-taught artist!

I post fanart as well as oc art. My Discord and Instagram are: viva_la_runaway. It's the same as my Tumblr username, so it's not hard to find! I'm more active on there, if you guys want to check out my art.

Dni: Homophobes, minors, proship, zoophiles, pedos, ableists, racists, etc.

~~ Hyperfixations/Fandoms ~~

Here are a few of my fandoms that I hyperfixate on! I went ahead and put down how common it is for these hyperfixations to be active because sometimes certain ones come back much more than others do. :)

Hellboy (common)

Pacific Rim (common)

Portal (common)

Hlvrai (common)

The Stanley Parable (common)

Fnaf (semi-common)

Jazzpunk (common)

Eddsworld (uncommon)

Undertale (very uncommon)

Arcane (semi-common)

Detroit: become human (uncommon)

Overwatch (uncommon)

Don't hug me I'm scared (uncommon)

Tf2 (semi-common)

Crash box (uncommon)

Creepypasta/Marble Hornets (semi-common)

Ocs (common)

Twd (uncommon)

Mlp (semi-common)

Venom (semi-common)

Punch-Out (uncommon)

South Park (uncommon)

Minecraft (uncommon)

Invader Zim (uncommon)

SCP Foundation (uncommon)

~~ Hobbies/Interests ~~

I'm into arts and crafts! I mainly draw digitally, but sometimes I paint, and I plan to start making fur suits soon!

I love to roleplay and talk about my hyperfixations. Talking about headcanons is an excellent way for me to connect with others!

I‘m a multishipper with most of my fandoms, but sometimes I'm more set and stone, depending on the fandom.

A warning to anyone who may end up befriending me: I go on rants. Typically, they're happy rants about my hyperfixations. For example, my girlfriend had to sit through a 10-minute rant about me explaining all the reasons why Prince Nuada is the best Hellboy villain and even one of my all-time favorite villains.

Just…Don’t mention 2019 Hellboy around me. That sparks a not-so-happy rant session. I hate that movie…….

I fucking LOVE aquatic life. Sm.

~~ Roleplay rules ~~

For those who are interested in roleplaying with me, here's some basic stuff to keep in mind.

I do NOT allow:

Mentions of SA, SH, gr*oming, or anything like that. Dead dove stuff is a no-no.

Acting out domestic abuse. Mentions of it is fine, but I will not roleplay it.

Characters randomly getting terminally ill. I lost my dad to cancer, and believe it or not, people have tried forcing it into roleplays before without asking me about it.

Killing off important characters without asking first.

Controlling my character is a no-no. If you need my character to do something for the sake of your reply, please tell me ooc.

I roleplay on Discord, and I do not roleplay with people under the age of 18.

Script roleplay.

Op characters. Strong, yes, op, no.

I DO allow:

Smut/NSFW. The plot can't surround it completely, though.

Double ups.

Gore and violence (to a certain extent)

Angst.

B x B, B x G, G x G, and Poly relationships.

Canon x Canon is preferred. I only do OC roleplays with people I'm close to.

Etc.

I encourage:

Communication ooc. Talking about plot points, headcanons, and potential scenes is a lot of fun for me!

Expressive roleplay is excellent. Don't be scared to hold back character personalities! If my character says something your character would hate, don't hesitate to have them rebel! I love it when people get super in character during roleplay!

If you want to draw a scene from the roleplay, idm that, too! I may even draw scenes from roleplays!

Don't be shy when talking ooc! I still like to make conversation when I'm too tired to roleplay!

I love creativity and descriptiveness. You don't ALWAYS need to be at 100%, though! Don't feel pressured to write extremely long replies if you're too tired or just don't know what to say.

I think that's about it. Thank you for reading! I hope to make some friends here. ❤️

#about me #profile intro #roleplay rules #roleplay #roleplay request #1x1 roleplay #fandoms

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lynshu · 2 years

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hello!! yes!! im alive!! ^^

im back with a drawing of my oc, jorah. This took me a couple days to complete ahaha T_T my brain is fried

ill probably post something soon again of my other OM oc, kody

#obey me oc #obey me #digital art #art

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blushouyo · 3 years

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Merry Christmas!!!

Have another wip as a present because I still don’t have any time to finish anything orz

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luci-four · 4 years

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Henlis,, May I request the obey me boys in a Hypmic AU,, whichever boys of your choosing,,

A/N: hello “anon” who I totally don’t know and didn’t watch send this to my inbox while you sat across the couch from me, you get the bare minimum

Divisions:

Diavolo (Leader) Barbatos Lucifer

Asmo (Leader) Mammon Levi

Satan (Leader) Beel Belphie

Solomon (Leader) Luke Simeon

#obey me hcs #om hcs #om headcanons #obey me headcanons #got rapping boys on the mind #mixed with some demon boys #beautiful. wish i could draw well enough to make it reality #anyway hi guys long time no see #finally getting stuff in my drafts posted so alskjdfh #ill be working on the few i got left in the box here soon #satans bookmark

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whatdoesshedotothem · 3 years

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Wed[nesday] 8 May 1833

5 3/4

12 1/4

F[ahrenheit] 67° at 5 3/4 and ver[y] fine morn[in]g - ver[y] hot - at my desk at 7 - wr[ote] and finish[e]d

Let[ter] to M- [Mariana] - ver[y] near[l]y 3 p[ages] somehow did not write readily - kind let[ter] of condol[en]ce

writ[in]g on the melanch[ol]y subj[ec]t ‘I can scarce[l]y wr[ite] of an[y]th[in]g else - b[u]t you will be gl[a]d to

‘hear, I like the looks of Thom[a]s, and hope and th[in]k he is ver[y] like[l]y to be the sort of serv[an]t I want

‘one for wh[o]m I shall forev[e]r rem[em]b[e]r my obligat[io]n to you - I shall be anx[iou]s for you to

‘see Eugénie - She nev[e]r wore a cap in her life - I f[ou]nd it will n[o]t do to ta[ke] h[e]r to Langt[o]n

‘w[i]thout one - I am cert[ainl]y n[o]t disap[pointe]d in her so far - are n[o]t men eas[ie]r to manage th[a]n wom[e]n?

‘at all rates, I am forev[e]r oblig[e]d to you for all the troub[le] you ha[ve] tak[e]n for me - adieu -

‘God bless you, my d[eare]st Mary! Ev[e]r ver[y] espec[iall]y and ent[irel]y y[ou]rs AL- [Anne Lister]’ h[a]d Eugénie at 9 -

and young Parsons to cut and dress my h[ai]r - d[o]wnst[ai]rs at 11 - Mrs. Ch[arle]s Robins[o]n and lit[tle] Hugh h[a]d just call[e]d

for 10 min[ute]s - br[eak]f[a]st - wr[ote] 2 p[ages] and end to my a[un]t and th[e]n Steph. D[octo]r B- [Belcombe] call[e]d for

1/2 h[ou]r - th[in]ks he c[oul]d manage ab[ou]t Miss W- [Walker] - could have her at Thorparch very comforta

bly fortnight and then see how she was told him all about the business between π- [Mariana] and me

very good friends but our ever living together at an end explained feared there

might be some pique in her feeling at my three several and serious times preventing her

leaving δ- [Charles Lawton] and some fancies about my better circumstances and society? he seemed sur

prised and sorry but behaved remarkably well told him it was all her own doing and how much

I had g[r]ived over it but Charlotte Norcliffe had done me much good she and my aunt the only peop

le besides himself who knew of it said I should not have thought of this experiment

with Miss W- [Walker] had π- [Mariana] and I been as formerly but no pique certainly on my part but I was dull without

having some interest if Miss W- [Walker] married I would take care she did it nicely and her children

would interest mentioned π-‘s [Mariana] having asked me to live at Speake he asked if I

might not sell Shibden if factories increased No said I not for millions I have

much family pride and sense of duty to my uncle said I should [have] provided more than amply for

π- [Mariana] yes left her a life estate in all I had had she been settled with me but two days but now as I

could not name her in my will as I should have done formerly I should probably not do it at

all I said she had been more worldly than I ever was in my life and less constant too said I would

rather have Miss W- [Walker] than someone of higher rank and more worldly if I did not take her might

do worse he laughed and said you are an odd person too and took his leave th[e]n finish[e]d

the 3[r]d p[age] and wr[ote] one long and finish[e]d my let[ter] to my a[un]t - told h[e]r so th[a]t she, b[u]t nobod[y]else

w[oul]d und[er]st[a]nd, wh[a]t I h[a]d communicat[e]d to D[octo]r B- [Belcombe] on the subj[ec]t of M- [Mariana] b[u]t n[o]t a word of wh[a]t

pass[e]d ab[ou]t Miss W- [Walker] announc[e]d my agreeab[le] journ[e]y und[e]r 6 h[ou]rs - and ask[e]d for Simmens[o]ns

and col[ou]r of draw[in]g r[oo]m curt[ai]ns to s[e]nd to Kendell for the chiffonier - then wrote to Miss W- [Walker] copied

yesterday from my notebook and wr[ote] so far of today - ‘York. Wed[nesday] 8 May 1833. Th[an]k you ver[y]

‘m[u]ch for y[ou]r let[ter] w[hi]ch I can on[l]y regret w[a]s n[o]t writt[en] in bet[ter] sp[iri]ts - I ha[ve] th[ou]ght oft[e]n, and m[u]ch

‘and anx[iousl]y ab[ou]t you - you told me my last let[ter] w[a]s like a sunbeam - may th[i]s let[ter] be like

‘anoth[e]r sunbeam, and a bright[e]r! I determ[ine]d n[o]t to wr[ite] till I w[a]s off fr[om] Shibd[e]n, and am now writ[in]g

‘in the ver[y] r[oo]m where you and I were so comf[ortabl]y togeth[e]r in Oct[obe]r - If you c[oul]d recall th[a]t ti[me], w[oul]d you?

swore Doctor B- [Belcombe] to secrecy both about Miss W- [Walker] and π- [Mariana]

102

1833

May

‘Consid[e]r four-and-twenty h[ou]rs - judge for yours[self], if you can; if n[o]t, ask y[ou]r sist[e]rs’ adv[i]ce,

‘and ta[ke] it - I still th[in]k th[a]t health and happ[ine]ss are w[i]thin y[ou]r reach, and, as I trust, by mo[re] ways

‘th[a]n one - I ha[ve] seen m[u]ch of y[ou]r a[un]t; and we are s[u]ch good fr[ie]nds, I do n[o]t fancy h[e]r opin[ion]s w[oul]d oppose

‘my own - I go to Langt[o]n tomor[row] (direct to me at Mrs. Norcliffes’, Langton hall, n[ea]r Malt[o]n,

‘Yorksh[i]re) and intend stay[in]g a fortnight; aft[e]r th[a]t, I m[u]st ret[ur]n to Shibd[e]n for 2 or 3 days, and shall

‘th[e]n ma[ke] the best of my way to the cont[inen]t - b[u]t, in the meanti[me], you may accomod[ate] y[ou]r plans to

‘mine, or mine to yours, if you please - I told you at part[in]g, th[a]t I w[oul]d meet you

‘on y[ou]r ret[ur]n, if you wish[e]d it - If you ha[ve] energy en[ou]gh to determ[ine], I will ta[ke] you up

‘at y[ou]r sist[e]rs’ own door at Udale ; and, as, dur[in]g the pres[en]t build[in]g operat[io]ns, it is

‘imposs[ible] to accom[oda]te extra peop[le], I c[oul]d, or, rath[er] I mean we c[oul]d, sleep at Inverness - I

‘th[in]k you w[oul]d like Eugénie, and f[ou]nd my man-serv[an]t all we want[e]d - If you dare gi[ve] a

‘fair trail, I am sanguine as ev[e]r ab[ou]t y[ou]r entire recov[er]y - wr[ite] in ans[we]r wh[a]tev[e]r

‘you th[in]k best; b[u]t wr[ite] it soon - Rouse yours[elf] whi[le] there is yet ti[me] - rememb[e]r th[a]t the

‘sun is ris[in]g so[me]whi[le] bef[ore] we see h[i]m, and th[a]t when hum[a]n ills seem w[i]thout remedy,

‘it is n[o]t bec[ause] th[a]t remedy really fails to exist, b[u]t simp[l]y bec[ause] we kno[w] n[o]t how to f[i]nd it -

‘my k[i]nd reg[ar]ds to y[ou]r sist[e]r, and Capt[ai]n Suth[erlan]d; and, be y[ou]r ans[we]r to my let[ter] wh[a]t it may. bel[ieve]

‘me ev[e]r sincere[l]y interest[e]d in y[ou]r welfare, and ev[e]r faith[full]y and affect[ionatel]y y[ou]rs AL- [Anne Lister]

‘am I n[o]t to ha[ve] the kneecaps?’ at 3 55/.. s[e]nt off my let[ter]s to my a[un]t Shibd[e]n, and to M- [Mariana] Lawt[o]n

hall, Lawt[o]n, Cheshire’ and to ‘Miss Walker, at Capt[ai]n Sutherlands’ of Udale Fortrose Ross-shire’

out at 4 5/.. - took Eugénie and b[ou]ght slippers, and silk for dress at Hudsons’, etc and th[e]n took h[e]r to Mrs. Belcombe’s

for Mrs. Milne and Charlotte to see - 1/2 h[ou]r in the minst[e]r court - th[e]n across the wat[e]r to the Duffins’ - 3/4 h[ou]r

and d[i]d n[o]t vent[u]re to go and see her - call[e]d on Mrs. Anne and Miss Gage - at din[ner] so ca[me] away - din[ner] at the hot[e]l

at 6 1/4 in 1/2 h[ou]r - at the Belcombe’s at 7 20/.. to go w[i]th Mrs. Milne to the amateur concert - tremend[ousl]y hot -

Miss Belco[mbe] and Miss Greenup and Miss Bagshaw and Hamlyn and Ch[arle]s Milne of the p[ar]ty - Mrs. Milne and I left th[e]m and walk[e]d

1/2 h[ou]r tow[ar]ds Monk bar - tea and sp[en]t the ev[enin]g at Mrs. Belco[mbe]s’ and ho[me] at 11 10/.. -wr[ote] the last 9 lines ver[y] fine

day - ver[y] m[u]ch cool[e]r th[i]s ev[enin]g F[ahrenheit] 66 1/2° at 11 1/4 p.m.

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myownwutheringheights · 4 years

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Detour: A Mandalorian Story

AN: A Mandomera one shot (for now), that has been spinning in my head for a time. Planning a NSFW sequel, let me know if you want it! #soft

Warnings: TW: pregnancy, and Din in Oberyn’s gold robes ;)

The Crest hadn’t received a message in several months. But that particular day, or night, (time seemed to ebb at a different speed while flying in space), while searching for the Child’s origin planet, he received three different beeps, three different encrypted messages, three different scattered message sources.

To any Imperial, New Republic or Guild fool, it would seem all unrelated. The time the messages were received would show either hours or days between each message, confusing anyone who sought to cause harm or pry to deeply. And they’d only see two messages; the third vanished from the system almost as soon as it had been received by the man who needed to see it.

To a Mandalorian, the messages all came from the same source, one at a time, from the same location and said the same thing; come now.

“OM-451 is in need of care.” The first message read. Din Djarin’s turned his head

“Arrive as soon as possible.” Was the second message. Yes, I’m trying to. Get on with it, he thought. The Child giggled behind him.

The last message was a set of coordinates, that he memorized quickly, knowing they’d vanish and he’d not receive them again.

“Ready for a detour? There’s someone who needs to see us.” He said looking back to the green child, who made a happy sound, it seemed, at the prospect of a new adventure. He entered the coordinates and saw the path ahead. “Batuu.... Outer Rim.” Maybe not his first choice to have resettled the Mandalors, but beggars also couldn’t be chooses; especially since they’d had to move because of him.

The Mandalorian altered the flight pattern and set off into hyperdrive. “Please be alright...” he whispered through the voice modulator as they flew the charted course. The Child cooed at the movement through hyperspace, but the Mandalorian could only think of one thing, and that was making sure that his Mate was safe.

Batuu was an eclectic planet. It was a place where people stopped, gathered supplies, and left. It meant it would have everything his people needed. It was a jumping point for travelers of all kinds. Few stayed. Locals went back generations. And those who were new to settling there were trying to lay low and not be found. It had a bit of everyone and everything, including rumors of illegal Coaxium runs and Jedi lore and artifacts, along with elements of both Empire and Rebel bases. Perhaps it was a better place for the remainder of his people to hide out than he originally thought; Mandalores were a dull afterthought compared to all that.

Even so, after docking his ship and bringing the Child with him and setting out in the market, looking for signs of his kind, eyes turned and focused on him and the shining beskar metal armor. Oh yes, the Mandalorians were here. The eyes said they’d seen others of his kind.

Din made his way through the crowded covered market. Lanterns hung all about casting different colors and glows. Various creature sounds echoed about, and smoke rose up from the cooking of the street food. Everywhere was the sound of machines and droids. He picked up the Child and kept him close in the mass. The best thing to do was wander. His people would alert him at some point and show him the way.

They likely already knew he was there...

He watched the hive mind of the people, and he avoided that path. He saw the route to the cantina and went the other way. If he needed work, then he’d go there. For now, his eyes were on the antiquities shop that had little traffic, but the merchandise shop had a large covered back area, more than what was necessary for the shop. Above the door was a Mandalor crusaders symbol. It was old, and to those unaffiliated, it would go unnoticed. The door hissed, opening, and he stepped inside.

The first thing he noticed were the old Sith and Jedi symbols. And the old languages and images on the wall....ancient things. Things that could send a shiver up the spine. He walked slowly up to the main counter, looking up at all the objects around him and above his head. The Child cooed once more, mouth open to show his little teeth as he looked about in awe at all the items cluttered in the shop.

He recognized the face of the man behind the counter; he was a Mate to one in the covert. The man looked up. “About time.” There were no further statements made. Behind the counter he pressed a hidden button, and a set of stairs descended into the hidden Mandalorian underground homestead.

“Is she alright?” Din asked, voice steady as he moved to the steps and prepared to descend.

“Sickness spread through the underground, as it does when we move the Covert and acclimate. But she will be alright....Winta will be happy to see you.” Din gave one nod and headed down the steps, and as soon as his feet touched the ground, the staircase lifted back up. He walked under the archway with the Kry’bes symbol, and it felt like home.

Mandalorians nodded to him left and right, life bustling here, hidden underground with his people. The ones uncovered were Mates, and all masked and unmasked were at work in some way. Everyone had a purpose and a place here, or the system they had created would collapse. Cooperation was key above all else. He didn’t see Omera, or Winta, and he moved faster. He headed down towards the small apartments, searching for the one that belonged to his Mate.

OM was crudely marked from a knife into the wall. He touched the mark. Omera. He knocked once, twice. He waited for permission to enter or for the door to be opened. A Mandalorian never stepped foot into the housing quarters of another, in case they were unmasked, or their Mate was in any type of compromising position. But he knew this apartment was his when the door opened and Winta grabbed him in a hug he didn’t know how to return just yet.

“You got the message!” She hugged him tight and then reached for the Child.

“Are you alright Winta?” He said touching her shoulders. The young girl nodded.

“I’m fine. It’s mama...she’s really sick....” His eyes tilted towards the ‘fresher, and he handed Winta the Child.

“Watch him, I’ll be right back. I need to check on your mother.” His voice was soft through the voice modulator, trying to be gentle with the girl. He touched her under his chin in a basic caring gesture and she responded gloriously, nodding in understanding and not feeling brushed aside, knowing her mother needed care. Besides, she was eager to care for the small green babe, carrying him to the small dimly lit gathering room. He looked around; the entire apartment was dark and cool. If not for Winta’s laugh and smile, the place would seem empty of all life.

Din stepped into the ‘fresher and closed the door. It hissed shut and he was met with warm steam, and the smell of exotic healing oils. They were highly sought after and valuable; his people were in short supplies. If his Mate had been given some, she surely was considered valuable to the group, but also...she was very ill. On the hooks, he saw two robes; his that hadn’t been touched in months, and hers. They were the finest objects in his possession besides his beskar, that had been a trade object from a mission an age ago that he hadn’t parted with. The second robe had never been needed till Omera agreed to be his Mate. He touched the golden fabric with his gloves, and he heard her heavy cough before he saw her in the tub. “Winta?” She asked, having heard the door. Her voice was scratchy and soft.

Steam pods were going off, resting on the corners of the tub and burning the oil into the warm steam around the room and filling the senses, intended to clear them and calm them. The water was colored with spinning colors of blue and green, and flecks of gold, fizzing from salts put into it, again with the intent to cure and to calm. He saw her long black hair covering the swell of her breasts, but it wasn’t long enough to cover the swell of her belly.

Under the helmet his eyes went wide in shock at the sight and the news that had been kept secret till now. But his presence on the outside was unflinching. His head tilted to the side. “Well. That’s new.” Omera gasped, startled at the voice she hadn’t expected but always longed to hear.

Omera’s hands were rested on her swollen abdomen, moving her fingers over it in a steady pattern, the soft sound of trickling water followed her movements. She smiled softly, and the light of her joy reached her eyes and brought a spark of life back to them. “You found us.” He stepped closer and into her view. She was pale, but her cheeks were flushed from the heat of the water. A blood vessel had burst in her eye from cough, leaving it red. As she sat up to draw closer to him, she was wracked with another fit of coughs and the Mandalorian was brought to his knees at his Mate’s side. She wrapped her arms about him, water dripping over him.

Her hands instantly lifted to touch his helmet, needing to see his face. He touched her hands and put them down and he stood. He gripped the sides of the helmet and slowly unmasked himself. The feeling was still strange, to part with his helmet even in her and Winta’s presence. It reminded him of the first time he had shown her his face, on the day they’d said the words and vows that made her the Mate of a Mandalore, and one of his people. He’d never imagined taking part in the Ritual. She, and their children, were the only ones permitted to see his face. His gaze now settled on her as he undressed from the layers upon layers of gear. Piece by piece he stripped himself down, out of the unnamed Mandalorian gear, to become Din Djarin, her Mate, before her eyes. It took time to remove first the beskar armor, then the protective layers under, and the rest of of clothes. Piece by piece, she saw more of her mate till he was bare before her. Her hands reached out to him, eager, silently asking him to join her, needing him by her side after all these months.

Now fully naked, he stepped into the tub of warm, healing water. Omera’s hands lifted to caress his face. His eyes closed on instinct at the gentle touch. She touched his cheeks, and moved her fingers over his facial hair. Her fingertips brushed over his lips before moving up to comb through his black hair. No words were spoken or necessary as his forhehead touched hers, and they rested there for just a moment. It was their moment, their reunion. But Din needed more contact. Sick or not, he leaned in to kiss his Mate. It was a long time coming, months....her belly showing the passing of time since their last night together on her planet, on his ship, when she’d chased after him with Winta, saying they’d not leave him. In the nights that followed, he’d had to teach her and Winta as much as he could to prepare them for the life ahead. They’d had to rendezvous to a meeting point with other Mandalores and tell them to take her and Winta: that they were part of the Covert, and to keep them safe and valued like any other Mate and offspring, while he continued to travel and keep the Child safe, till every one of his bounty fobs was destroyed, or the Child’s home was discovered. The memories played like a holo in his mind but he came back to the here and now with her. She tasted like medicine, and yet the taste of what was inexplicably Omera lingered. His fingers lifted to tangle into her incredible hair, wet and the ends moving weightlessly in the water. Their tongues danced together as the kiss was deepened and heated, breath mingled and warmed them both up even more. There were soft gasps and sighs of reawakening bodies, yearning bodies. Even in her illness he felt her move closer in longing and stars how he wanted her. But Din finally broke the kiss, and Omera took his hands and pressed them eagerly to her belly.

“Are you happy?” She asked, searching his gaze that he could usually hide behind a helmet.

“Yes. And terrified.” He said with brutal honestly. He’d never expected to claim a Mate, to have children. But Winta and the Child waited outside, and their own babe kicked in her belly under his fingertips. “Are you happy here? And with this?” He said looking around, referring to her new home. She was used to more freedom, to the outdoors. Here, secrecy was their survival. It was so different from the life she and Winta had led.

“Yes, I am.” She reassured him, squeezing his hands. Her smile was warm and he swore it held some type of magic. It was like nothing Din had ever seen. “They did not care that they’d never met us; your people took us in and we were instantly treated as one of them. I’ve never seen such loyalty.”

“You said you would not leave....” He countered, recalling the fight. He always wondering if she would regret her choice to follow the Way as a Mate. She thought for a moment. Yes, she had said that. But her smile only returned.

“Homes change...paths change. Winta is my home. And so are you, Din Djarin. So is this one,” she said, their hands on her belly. “This is the way,” she whispered, hesitant to say it for the first time.

“This is the way.” He answered her with firm confidence in support of her bravely speaking the words. He touched his forehead to hers once more, filled with pride at hearing her initiate the phrase, as was her right as a Mate. He touched the silver ring on her finger, taken from a piece of his beskar breast plate, as was tradition and crucial in their culture.

“Will you stay?” The question every Mate always asked every Mandalorian when they came home. “The medic told me she’ll be the first born of the covert on this planet...”

“She?” Din’s voice was soft, hands continuing to move over the baby bump. She nodded, still searching for his reaction. He barely reacted, it was still just taking in the news. But then he leaned in and he kissed her forehead, and he made it linger, and it was the softest thing she had ever felt.

Omera beamed, and held him as close as she could in the water, her arms wrapping around his strong back. Just as Din had never imagined such a future, she had doubted she’d find love again, and never imagined carrying another child. And so she responded to his touch, despite how weak and sick she felt. But when she coughed again he gave her space and helped her to stand in the tub. “Come, you need rest.” Together, they got out of the swirling colored water.

He wrapped a gold robe about her, and then himself. “I’ve done nothing BUT rest,” she muttered in agitation. The corner of Din’s mouth curved in a knowing smirk.

“But you still need it, and you’re not going out there where you could spread the illness to the rest of the covert and the foundlings.”

Omera sighed, turning off the steam pods and taking his hand in hers as they left the ‘fresher together. “I know you’re right. But you haven’t answered my question. Din...will you stay? I know it will be come and go. But will you stay?”

He caressed the silver band on her ring finger once more, and he gazed down at his own mate band. He rarely saw it, it was mostly covered in his gloves. Din hadn’t been prepared for the joy and pride he’d felt at watching a small piece of his chest plate be cut off and melted to form a ring just for her, and just for him. The chest plate covered the vital organs and the heart and as such was the proper place to take ancient metal for the Mated rings. Omera’s eyes were curious and still very much waiting for his answer. “I’ll stay. Till you heal and after the baby is born, for the first few months....as long as it’s safe -” She threw her arms around Din in joy as the Child and Winta played. It was more time than most Mates got for one stint of time. He held her firmly, protectively in his embrace; of course he would stay as long as he could. Then he hoisted her up into his arms and carried her to the small bedroom, while the two children continued to play.

Omera coughed again, deep and gasping, her hands tightening around the fabric of his robe as he hurried to bring her to the bed, laying her down and propping her up onto the pillows so she could catch her breath. He found the medicine that had been provided and he got her two med tabs. Din found himself looking around; he hadn’t been here yet, it was still unfamiliar surroundings. His focus and gaze turned back to his Mate; he could assess his surroundings later. As Omera’s breath returned to normal, her hands moved over the golden fabric of the robe in a more intimate manner.

“Incredible...I feel like this yet I still want you...” She whispered. Din lifted her hand and kissed her palm intimately with a promise. She closed her eyes at the sweet contact. It had been too long.

“As do I....there will be time. As soon as you are well.” His voice was low, husky in want for the beautiful woman in front of him. Away on the Crest, he’d thought of her more than even he wanted to admit. His work required focus; but now that he was back with the covert, and with her, Din could let go, just a bit...just a bit. And the part of him that let go was all for her, wanting her, wanting to pull the covers over them and rip the robes off their bodies and have her again and again. But not yet. No. Not till she was better. He touched his forehead to hers once more, closing his eyes in longing, before kissing her again. There would be time, he thought once more to himself. There would be time for them to have each other, to celebrate the act that brought forth the little one inside her. His hand coming to her belly, where he felt a firm, strong kick, as if the child was answering his thoughts. The couple smiled together, and he was in awe of what he had and what he felt.

“You really are happy...” Omera said, touching his hand over her, settling back into the bed, letting out a little hum of contentment as the little girl kicked once more announcing her presence in the galaxy.

“Yes. I am.” He answered simply. And it was more than enough.

He heard the Child and Winta giggle...he saw Omera smile and lean back further against the pillows to rest. He would stay, see her healed and see his daughter be welcomed to the covert. He would...he would be a father. And he was flooded with a strange rush of feeling....since he had sworn the Creed he had been on the move. Running, fighting, hunting. Never settling, never staying, never taking off his helmet. The concept of home was both foreign and long past. It had seemed unnecessary, and if nothing else, well out of reach.

But in this moment, hidden underground on this strange planet, Din felt for the first time since he was a foundling, that he was truly home.

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renee-writer · 4 years

Text

Bodyguard Chapter 1 First Client

A/N I know. I know. But I was inspired by Sam's above pic and once a story idea gets in my head, it doesn't let go. In this story, Claire has a chronic disease called Fibromyalgia. I am a real life sufferer of this bloody awful illness and the descriptions are real. As always, let me know what you think.

“She will be spoiled, demanding, impossible.”

“Come brother, it isn't the humble poor that can afford your services.”

He knows his sister is right. A former SAS officer, he has started a bodyguard service. This model/actress, is his first client. He sighs and picks her file back up. Claire Elizabeth Beauchamp, age 29. Needing his special services due to some threatening letters. He will be working with her own security but will be by her side constantly.

Claire sits in the makeup chair and tries to zone out. To get on top of the pain. She has to be on for the next half hour. To get through this morning show appearance to promote her latest project. Then she can go home and curl into the center of her bed and cry.

“Claire, remember the new bodyguard is coming by today.” Mary, her personal assistant and cousin, reminds her.

“God Mar, I can’t handle that today.”

“You must. This creeps letters are getting more threatening. I know you are feeling awful but..”

“Fine. Let's just get through this morning.” Mary slips out to make sure she has a comfy chair as the hair and makeup people finish up.

He waits, talking with her security staff, going over the letters, as he prepares to meet the lass, herself.

“She should be back soon. Had a morning talk show appearance.” Rupert, her head of security, tells him.

“Who is with her now?” he looks up from the latest letter. A psychopath is stalking her. He prays she is not alone.

“Mary, her personal assistant and Angus, one of my best man, wee but mighty.”

“Good and she is due back when?” The phrases jump out at him. ‘I know where you live, where your parents and dear uncle do. No one will see me coming. I can’t be stopped.’ He shudders.

“Should be anytime.”

“Call this Angus. See where they are.” Rupert puffs up a bit at being ordered about so but, this Fraser is the best so he does.

“Pulling in now.” Fraser is up, heading out to the garage the is attached to the house. The car pulls in. First out is Angus, he presumes, a wee man with a fierce look about him. He watches from the shadows as he clears the garage before letting the lasses out. Good.

Next is Mary. He knows her as she had hired him. She leads the other lass out. He is shocked at her appearance. Pale, weak looking. She looks nothing like the pictures that are in her file. What has happened? He steps out of the shadows.

Angus draws om him. “Stay right there laddie. Hands up.”

“Grand job Angus. I am glad to see how fast you respond. I am no threat.”

“He isn't Angus. That is Jamie Fraser, ex SAS. The man I hired as Claire's bodyguard. “Mary explains.

“Christ. Sorry.” He lowers his gun. “It is just..”

“You did exactly what I was hoping you would do. Now, what is wrong with our client?”

“I need a bed. Now!” It takes all her remaining strength to say that and she collapses against Mary. Jamie doesn’t hesitate. He is there, lifting her up in his arms.

“Mary, lead the way.”

When she is laid down on her bed and Mary has her shoes off and a blanket tucked around her, she finally answers his initial question. What is wrong with her.

“This falls under the confidential category.” She explains. She sits beside her cousin with Jamie standing beside them.

“Understood.”

“She has a chronic disease. Fibromyalgia. It causes widespread pain all over her body. Caused by overactive nerves, the pain and fatigue is immense and hard to treat. Today,” she looks back on her now sleeping cousin with deep concern and affection, “well today she is in a flare. It is when the normal symptoms are magnified. Nothing but time and sleep help. She is in unimaginable pain today, Mr. Fraser.”

“Christ. The poor lass.”

“Yes, it is very hard.” She sighs, reaching out to touch her face. “I do all I can for her, beyond what normal personal assistants do. But I must. She has pushed herself to hard with the premier coming up. She will try to sleep it off today and tonight. Back on the PR circuit tomorrow. Mr. Fraser, she is even more vulnerable then you know. Please, see her safe. She is my only family and best friend.”

“I swear it Miss. Hawkins.”

“I need to go handle some things in prep for tomorrow.”

“I will not leave her side.”

“Thank you.”

#my writing #outlander fanfic #jamie and claire #cannon divergence #modern au #outlander fandom #new story #bodyguard #first client

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abloomingperiod · 4 years

Text

junmyeon as a bf

the softest of the softies

kim junmyeon is an old-fashioned guy

and i’m not saying that in terms of being conservative or anything, ‘cuz i really hope he isn’t

i mean in the sense of love

like you know that kind of person who dreams the whole picture

he dates for a reason

unlike other members, junmyeon isn’t the type to not think about the future

being a leader makes you like that

but this gets less harsh on him when u arrive in his life

yk that whole romantic comedy movie where a guy runs into someone and it’s this beautiful woman with the biggest smile and they fall for each other and shit

well.......not exactly your case

he indeed ran into you with an iced tea in hands

except you didn’t smile at him

you basically screamed “SHIT IM SORRY ILL PAY U BACK”

he got so flustered w your reaction like

this really pretty girl just offered me some iced tea”

he was all like nonononononoooo don’t say that it’s fine don’t worry aha

you kept insisting but were late for work so you made him promise to come back to that bakery the day after bcs he WOULD be paid back no matter wHAT

he didn’t feel the need butyou were cute and he wasn’t with a thick schedule so why not right

so yeah ofc prince suho showed up

the next day he entered the place and saw you

you were so pretty watching you crinkling your nose over the hot coffee in your hands was already a payback

a cute one

cmon he’s cringey give him a chance

you bowed at each other and he realized you didn’t mention for Once between the whole minute after the accident and his arrival abt his name or profession as an idol

which for him

was nice

not a big deal, but nice

after you gave him his iced tea he was so polite you actually smiled bcs ajshskjsks cute ?

and then you started talking for a while

you introduced yourself, told him abt your dream to become a writer someday and he !!!!!

okay junmyeon easy on the hearbeats you got it

he just thought of this as such a COOL dream

writing for a living

now he was like this pretty girl... is a poet

i know

lame

but he’s adorable so who cares tbh

he talked to u abt being an idol and how was the position of the leader

you listened to every word and even though you lost a fee of them along with the honey like voice and puffy cheeks of his, you loved hearing abt it

after like 2 hours he had to go bcs schedule

but before you parted your way you had to go to the bathroom

when you went pay for your payback iced tea, you hear a waiter asking “mrs y/n? i believe that for you”

no shit there was the waiter holding a cappuccino

you got like Dude. there must’ve been a mist-

you turn the cup and there it is:

“for y/n

i loved the iced tea but since my goodbyes were a little earlier i most definitely own you a payback too. how abt sushi? xx” and the waiter hands you a note with his name and number

and that’s how you started seeing each other

jun is a quiet person so he won’t be like vocal abt developing a crush on you more and more

it would b like

you guys would hang out sometimes

and little by little he would catch himself getting the heart eyes

like you’re at a coffe shop

you would get passionate talking about some movie or song and suddenly there’s a drop of coffee on the side of your lip. you didn’t notice but he did but he thought you looked so cute popping off about ur favorite music he would just sit there like,,, 💖nvm💖

and with those little stuff he would catch himself thinking yup they’re gonna b mine

so one day he went like soooo maybe i’m catching feelings i didn’t know this was happening sorry??? so i think u should know that bcs it’s abt u... i’m fancied by u i didn’t mean it to happen

like straight up he APOLOGIZED

FOR LIKING U

you were like goshkjsjksj so cute

and decided to play w him a little

“so you don’t want to like me” “NONONOOO THATS NOT WHAT I MEA-” “jk i got it i really like you too and maybe we could kiss to see what happens”

he combusted

so yeah you’re dating that’s what happened

so caring literally sO CARING

calls you on a daily basis when he’s away to talk abt the weather the boys his breakfast how much he misses you how he saw those flowers outside and it reminded of you or how he will bring you to that country when it’s vacations

he’s such a husband material fuck me

keeps notes of things you like so he can hit the high score on important dates

talking abt dates

fancy

i mean he’s bourgeoisie ofc it’s fancy

such a lovely boyfriend i’m actually sad

jun is restaurants with low lights, candles, roses and holding your hand while talking about how he never seemed to figure out the food app to find a cool place to go to so he just asked chanyeol with a pout on his lips

“you’re such an old man” “i’m simple it’s different”

on your 1 year anniversary he took you to a boat ride on a lake witha guy playing violin and wine and cheese waiting for you

simple my ass

keeps bringing coffee and flowers for you every friday night you get together bcs it’s your “tiny vacations” as he calls it

on weekends with you the only ppl he answers is either manager or a serious question from the boys/his family

and it’s always a short “yes” or “no” or “👍🏻”

fuck it he’s with his baby leave him alone

loves cooking with you

like fuck it if it’s not that tasty he just LUUUVES doing it with you

probably because he gets to hug you a lot

like you’re in the stove and he had already placed everything in its own place so he goes behind your figure, hugs your waist and places his lips on your shoulder to give you tiny pecks and praise your cooking

“junmy this is practically burnt” “you’re the best cooker i know”

once you guys were enjoying a whole ass week together and the last time you were together for more than a day were like 6 months before

you were so all over each other he went to do the same thing and you guys ended up making out in front of a precooked pan of french fries

long story short, your toasted it and only saw that coming bcs jun went to embrace your waist and his fingers touched the hot pan

“that happened bcs of you and your teenager behavior” “YOU COULD’VE MOVED” “I WAS TRAPPED”

so guess what you did after you applied some salve om his fingers

he was staring @ u all 💖💖💖💖💖

you were like ,,,what

he just shrugged and murmured “you’re beautiful”

that’s right

you fucked

not fucked in a Fucked way

yall made love

kim junmyeon is all about luv

i remember someone posting here that he probably fucked like white people and i-

that person ruined it for me

i hate yall

i will defend him till the end of time my boi DOES NOT fuck like a white person

takes it very seriously as he sees it as an opportunity to shower u with the love u deserve

on that day you actually convinced him you should do the hard work

HELL YEAH YOU RODE THAT BITCH

jun seems like soft dom for me like just bcs he’s in charge for most of the time doesn’t mean youon get to do a thing

that time as you rode him you got very like Very excited but you saw in his eyes how desperate he was to touch you entirely so you catch his hand and kiss his fingertips slowly

he kept smiling for you saying “god you are so beautiful” “i love you so much”

but you’re a little shit and always tries and bring his rough side out

so you open your mouth and lick his two burnt finger from the knuckles to the tips

he got so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

not really a vocal guy

heavy sighs and low groans are it for junmyeon

very into dirty talk

but a fancy one

“does my baby likes it when i make her beg?” “look at me, love. do you want it from where i can kiss your back or your breasts?” “you’re mine to take and no one else”

we don’t support women treated as objects but this is a sexual environment and you’ve always consented him to say things like that in bed

he’s a gentlemen fuck it

once you were so horny you straight up said “i don’t give a fuck about formality just make me cum at least three times”

he got 😳 for a sec but got your point

not a rough lover but once you get in a fight

bitch

you’re both pretty mature ppl so every rare time you fight it’s very Very serious

will kiss you until your both breathless just so you can not even catch your breath bcs he will be kissing your neck and liking your skin

slaps your butt?

absolutely

a fucking lot

“funny how you turn shut the fuck up as soon as i lay my hands on you”

makes you strip for him

has a thing for watching where your bodies connect

call him baby and he’s got a 3 secs tops soft jun

like a little grin with puffy cheeks

and he’s back with the restless pounding

bathtub aftercare is a must

massages your feet as you talk sweet nothings for him

if you’re feeling feisty might get a romantic round two

loves doing it slowly so he can drag it to the point you get so hot and bothered you beg

“oh god- just please- jun, faster”

likes it when you rub his back after

get a shot of soft myeonie post-sex

lays in his stomach and quietly asks “can you”

you lay there also on your stomach and rubbing his back drawing circles and talking about life

once he got so full of idk emotion?? love?? idk never been there

he just poured a whole “marry me”

like dude.

“WHAT” “not today, like... in a few years maybe idk forget it”

he closed his eyes to dismiss your reaction and just felt a warm peck on his naked shoulder

“of course i’ll marry you a few years”

his eyes shot open like This woman. the loml. dead ass said yes to my hypothetical proposal”

he actually got emotional

“kajsksjsksjsk really?????????v

“yes really”

and there was a teardrop

you felt like dying

i mean I feel like dying rn

doesn’t say it but thinks abt having kids someday

and u know that bcs honestly it’s suho everybody just Knows that

his parents? ofc they know you

exo? absolutely sure they know you

“one day we’re gonna have a dinner on like christmas with my family and yours” “baby they don’t even live in korea” “i don’t care we’ll pay” “STOP”

really treasures your relationship like i’m not here to play games i’m past mid-20’s this is Serious

and because he’s so worried and serious he nevers seems to let loose

which is probably normal since he’s a leader

but it makes him so !! all the time u get worried

once he actually CRIED out of stress

and you ofc were there

you kept hugging him tightly and slowly rocking his body with yours kissing his tears away as he kept softly saying “i’m fine, don’t worry”

you didn’t stop worrying

you said “if you’re fine then i can stay here hugging my boyfriend”

he nodded and kept sobbing for a little while

his head was pounding so you literally laid him down and cuddled him in your arms, fingers between his locks and hot breath on his neck

he once said the sound of your breath calmed him

so that’s what you did

you calmed him

and that’s everything he ever wanted

someone to be there for him on tough times like he’s always there for everyone

he loves the fact you’re always so calm and ready to solve any problem that appears

he loves the calmness and ““““normal”””” atmosphere you bring to him

after all those years of hardship and responsability

you showed him he could be a leader and have more fun on a daily basis

he deadass thinks abt your marriage

like it’s barely 6am, he wakes up and sees you sleeping next to him, hair everywhere on the pillow and mouth open

his heart goes 💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓💓

his arms goes to your sleeping body

& his mind “i’m gonna marry this girl someday”

idk i feel like i could write a whole ass fanfiction of 50 chapters on suho and id still have 100 scenarios of him in mind

i honestly love him sm

such a nice boy

he deserves so much more

give lota of love to him he’s perfect

that’s it i’m done

#kim junmyeon scenario #kim junmyeon imagine #suho imagine #suho scenario #exo headcanons #you can tell hes special to this bitch #i lobe him so bad fuck it #id die for kim junmyeon guardian of exp

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woollyslisterblog · 5 years

Text

1834 May 6th Tuesday (part one)

6 55/60

12 50/60

Ver[y] fine morn[in]g – ready at 8 3/4 and on till br[ea]kf[a]st at 9 1/2 - Pickells and Dick in the morn[in]g and the oth[e]r man (John Ombler, cropper) w[i]th them in the aft[ernoo]n tak[in]g clay out (10 in[ches] deeper) of the n[or]th parl[ou]r – Mallins[o]n and 3 men - hew[in]g exc[ept] 1 man and lastly 2 pull[in]g d[o]wn wall and mak[in]g pl[a]ce for turnstile on rath[e]r lit[tle] turn gates and the door (what stood in coal pl[a]ce n[ea]r embouchure of wat[e]r clos[e]t) in the appr[oa]ch r[oa]d, the gate now being boarded being so heavy in wind if stuck hav[in]g so m[u]ch pow[e]r that so[me] easier ent[ran]ce yet secure ag[ain]st sheep and cat[tle] must be planned – Ch[arle]s and Ja[me]s How[a]rth busy ab[ou]t hang[in]g the gate now door and finish[in]g board[in]g it -

John brought 3 rows (3 1 of a woodrup and 2 plants of yellow jasmine) outsides for wall[in]g up lit[tle] gateways in the morn[in]g and w[a]s mov[in]g flowerb[eds] fr[om] und[e]r draw[in]g r[oo]m and hall wind[ow]s and plant[in]g out 16 rhododend[ro]n Ponticum , 12 laurustinus, and 25 yews fr[om] Throp that ca[me] this aft[ernoo]n - kept Pickells and his men to help h[i]m till aft[e]r 7 and the masons till even aft[e]r that - John ill and bil[iou]s today - Pickells sprained his ankle (done yes[terday], and s[e]nt Matt[hew] ab[ou]t 8 to Mr Sund[erlan]d on the old man, c[oul]d n[o]t walk, w[i]th an inflam[e]d ankle - the young man, ga[ve] an embrogation and s[ai]d it w[oul]d soon be well , b[u]t he w[a]s to go ag[ai]n tomor[row]- out all the day (w[i]th John in the aft[ernoon], exc[ept] from 1/2 to 3 asleep in my study –

din[ner] at 6, my soup and roast mutt[o]n , then out ag[ai]n and ca[m]e in at 7 to rice pudd[in]g and coff[ee] then out ag[ai]n till 9 1/2 - 1/4 h[ou]r w[i]th Mar[ia]n and d[itt]o w[i]th my a[un]t - n[o]te let[ter] this morn[in]g forward[e]d by Miss Walker from Mrs Scott n[o]te GW Ellis, York, Satu[rday] 3 May to say my let[ter] had been so long unans[were]d on acc[oun]t of her husb[an]d be[in]g fr[om] ho[me] b[u]t Joseph w[a]s to be off as today - Miss W-[Walker] fill[e]d up the blank pap[e]r - good acc[oun]t of hers - Sarah a gr[ea]t comf[or]t there – th[in]ks Dr Belco[mbe] h[a]s n[o]t heard an[y]th[in]g particular about self me or if he has he behaves magnanimously -

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an-apprentices-journey · 6 years

Text

Week 8 and 9

I unfortunately forgot/put off posting for week 8 for two reasons. 1) it was very uneventful progress wise 2) we were all busy with other junk.

Greg has been working om changing up/remodling the shop since he bought in in February and he has decided to break down some walls in the back as a chill/draw area and most of last week was cleaning, rearranging, demolition and cleaning again.

Besides all that i had done all my normal duties and a few drawings. My main issue has been my line quality, i have trouble keeping my lines neet and consistant and i have found my technique is to blame. When drawing i tend to only move my wrist and barely move the rest of my arm so it comes out stiff and i dont get much movement. So i have been trying long flowing lines. Tracing then and moving my whole are so that i move smoothly and at a decent pace.

This really has helped me a lot, but practice practice practice is still needed.

This week i should be moving on to doing some small stencils and transfering them onto that fake skin stuff and eventually tattooing it. Im excited to see what i can do, but i have heard its not 100% like skin.

Anyways 😇 that should be week 8 and 9 in a nutshell. Ill be posting pictures of those drawings soon!

#tattoos #tattooshop #slcartist #art #artists on tumblr #apprenticeship #drawing

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whyshanti · 4 years

Text

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go?

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed, academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have.

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway.

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else.

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships.

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc).

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden.

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing.

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho.

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house.

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times.

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me.

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person.

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass.

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s.

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices.

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH.

16. men are trash.

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one.

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over.

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh.

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.

self-love is not a 5-step process.

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings.

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

#2019

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yogaadvise · 7 years

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Yoga Helps Me Stay Grounded and Inspired While Dealing with MS

In 2010, I was stung by a scorpion while instructing a retreat in the forest of Costa Rica. When a student covered a sarong around me, I really felt a hot arrow struck me in the hip. I tossed it off, as well as a huge scorpion landed on the deck with a thud. Feeling like an injured pet, I bowed out everybody to assess exactly what was going on. We were 45 mins away from every little thing, so I had absolutely nothing to do besides wait it out.

As the fire in my hip began to subside, my lips, tongue, hands, feet, as well as shins went entirely numb. I started seeing points, and also discomfort was available in waves as the neurotoxins moved via my system. It lasted with my course that night, and also right into the next early morning. I aren't sure specifically when that ended and when my several sclerosis (MS) symptoms started. Some people claim there's a connection between the shock of the sting and my immune system being taken control of the edge.

Within a few months, I was getting bad frustrations, interior drinking, and also my equilibrium was off. My symptoms were worsened with anxiety. I would look at my body, and think, Where am I? This does not seem like it utilized to feel. I felt like I was constructed from electricity, as permeable as ether. I bear in mind putting some blankets away after a class, as well as seeing splotches of yellow on traits that weren't yellow. As soon as once again I really felt as though a scorpion was stinging me.

After an early morning of teaching yoga exercise, I stood in my home and idea, Something's truly, really off. I called my medical professional with my signs: left side feeling numb, discomfort down my arm, high heart rate-and he told me to visit the ER.

After an upper body x-ray and also other examinations at Do-gooder Hospital, they told me that everything looked fine. My pal as well as I started chanting Om while I was attached to devices to aim to calm me down. When the physician can be found in, I held his hand and also claimed, 'I recognize my body truly well, and something's actually not right.' After a CAT check, he came back in looking sad. 'You have sores on your mind that are not necessarily energetic, however might be a preliminary sign of MS,' he said. All I keep in mind afterwards was my good friend asking me what I required. 'I desire to go to your home and also have salute with avocado as well as butter and also salt,' I stated. Which's exactly what we did.

A couple of days later, I got the main medical diagnosis from my neurologist. My brain was non-functioning in places where there should have been myelin (fat) to help the links in between nerves and also brain. Back then, my signs and symptoms were an overall distressed feeling, muscle weak point, loss of equilibrium, mind fog, and also exhaustion from overstimulation. As a result of the nature of the condition, I have actually ended up being relegated to the whims of my battle and flight response.

I began taking Rebif, a disease-modifying representative through shots in my thigh, arm, as well as belly three times a week to prevent my signs and symptoms from becoming worse. I made it right into a practice, lighting incense and also placing the shot on the church as it heated up. I would certainly bless it: 'I value this selection that I'm making. May it be okay for me to do this.' I began to make use of medicines for the unbearable flu-like signs. At one point, I determined to skip the pain medication to actually feel what this was performing in my body. Less compared to an hour after the shot, my joints felt like they goned on fire. I remember thinking, I can't believe exactly what I simply took is creating this much pain in my body, as well as I'm opting to do this.

The following year, I travelled to Belize and also didn't wish to pack all my medications. I really did not feel any kind of different without them, so I considered options when I came back. The only alternatives were new medicines with possible side impacts consisting of cancer and also death. I asked my physician what would occur if I did absolutely nothing but change my lifestyle. My neurologist recommended that I remain on some type of medicine to ensure that the illness would not progress-mind you there are no warranties, and it's all a gamble anyway. Browsing negative effects, quality of day-to-day life, and also the worry of just what could be at hand is a recurring conversation. At the time, I knew I could not subscribe to the drug any longer. I wished to try something different.

Since then, I've attempted several diet regimens as well as currently deal with an Ayurvedic medical professional. I went to some assistance teams, however the majority of people there were not trying to find means to minimize stress, and also cleaned down their medications with a cocktail. One of the most valuable treatment is creating a low-stress way of life and also setting. Downtime and also privacy is a demand, not a luxury. Tension promptly influences me, through restlessness, rage, balance problems, shivering muscles, or difficulties in formulating sentences clearly. Although I don't really feel like I'm obtaining much better, I am making better choices. Signs linger. The natural route is working to keep me stable, however I want checking out a few of the more recent alternatives readily available in Western medication. A lot is changing with study. I've needed to pay attention to myself a lot more and not feel like I'm letting anybody down by making dedications I could not have the ability to maintain. I've needed to get closer to individuals I like so they understand how to finest stroll this path with me.

My yoga exercise technique has progressed via this procedure. While it utilized to be much more literally extensive, it's currently concerning basing techniques, like a one-minute hold in Downward-Facing Canine. It relaxes my worried system, which is always above alert. Taking a strong physical practice with a based instructor could really feel actually great, as do sustained corrective poses and other solid, securing postures.

It has actually been tough to have this experience as a yoga teacher. Since my medical diagnosis, my teaching has actually reduced. My sequences have shortened, and I'm at my best when I do not have something rigorous to adhere to. I am inspired to obtain everybody to really 'turn up' for practice. I maintain going back to the idea of impermanence, when we can embrace that fact, presence is simply a breath away.

I know my body much better now, even though it feels unusual to me. I composed to Matthew Remski, an instructor of mine based in Toronto, and asked, 'Just how do I reveal up to the mat when I'm continuously being haunted by what my asana technique utilized to seem like?' He composed back, 'There's no then as well as now. Everything is integrated into the existing time. Just what you're experiencing has actually brought you closer to the fragility of the human body as well as experience. The flesh of currently is experiencing this sincere connection.'

I feel like I'm moving into a different phase now. I want to work with my tasks and also proceed to instruct, yet I am really clear regarding exactly what's sustainable for me. My mentors concentrate on yogic living methods as well as discussion, reflection, chanting, and being with the silence after chanting.

In my life now, the natural world has conserved me. I discover ideas in nature because it does not deal with change. The blossoms do not appear any less colorful because they recognize of their utmost demise. There's something inherently calming regarding the force of nature-that existence of continuous adjustment as a reminder of something larger. My dog also motivates me to feel like I could in fact care for one more being that is there unconditionally. My pupils inspire me with their determination and also generosity via all the changes I've made. Memories of individuals that typically aren't with us anymore also influence me, my buddy Bobbie, that passed away of a brain lump, became a growing number of like light as her disease proceeded. She would certainly been involved in method her whole life, so it was noticeable at the end. I even inspire myself sometimes, if I can draw back as well as see the course I've taken.

MS is me. It's exactly what I'm with constantly. I would certainly like it to disappear, yet I simply have to collaborate with it and include it. It's been a genuine teacher, I don't reach really feel invincible. There's a heaviness to this that is hard to tremble around others. When I'm strolling in the woods or on the beach with my pet, really feeling the force of nature that is always so present, I think: I'm well enough to do this. If I could pass along any type of message, it would certainly be to maintain going. I'm reminded of a poem I like from Rilke:

Let everything happen to you: charm and also terror. Just keep going. No feeling is final. (Rilke, Book of Hours, I 59)

Just keep going, whatever happens.

Uma Diana Hulet shared her tale with writer Sophia Emigh, that authored this item. All photography is also by Ms. Emigh.

#asana #ashtanga yoga #prenatal yoga #yin yoga #yoga #yoga alliance #yoga music #yoga nidra #yoga teacher

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