#im a music enjoyer nobody can stop me

[bakedbeanz]

I call it mind eraser, no chaser at all (On permanent leave of everything) Law abiding, dick riding, fun police, leave us alone (Dulling the edge of a razor blade) What does it mean when the knife and the hand are your own?

#my art #fallout 4 #fo4 #john hancock #fo4 hancock #hancock #tw: eyestrain #tw: drugs #i am ONCE AGAIN putting lyrics in my art #im a music enjoyer nobody can stop me #hancock may not have a nose but he can still snort coke #life finds a way #anyways them crooked vultures is cool as fuck go listen

[sassydiamondgrl]

Giving yourself peace🎀

Living at peace is one of the most enjoyable lifestyles ! When you give yourself the time to be alone and really self reflect, you find yourself being more productive, a better mood, and just relaxation. Don’t know where to start? Let me guide you!

Black Barbie’s tips for living at peace🎀

1. Block anyone that you don’t like/ have issues with or unfollow any account that brings you the wrong energy/mindset.

Once you stop associating with someone, why would you want to keep their number? Or even their social media. That should be an immediate no. For all you know, they could be stalking your page just to find something to use against you! Blocked & deleted. Also unfollow any toxic accounts on platforms. (Instagram, Tiktok, X) etc. Once you start finding peace, you wanna watch videos or listen to advice that is actually useful and will help you in the long run. Follow motivation accounts, iconic quotes, even pinterest can bring you peace just with their visualization.

2. Avoid arguing and drama!

Some may feel the need to argue or step up as soon as someone says something about them & charge. Yes we all might have that feeling (I get it too sometimes) but once you become cool, calm, & collected, (the 3 C’s!) you are unstoppable! Without a reaction people will tell that you don’t care about what they have to say about you because you already know your worth as a pretty girl. So ignoring can go a good way. However, if you find it hard to ignore, just tell that someone (or group of people) that you don’t care & don’t say anything more. If you do need to control your anger when stuff like this happens, listening to meditation videos & music really helps. Most importantly, STAY OUTTA DRAMA. Once you develop this habit, you don’t have to worry about who to defend or even getting yourself involved in a situation that has nothing to do with you, you can get yourself in trouble. If someone is constantly bringing you into drama, consider distancing yourself from them.

3. Drop any fake friends

This kind of refers to step 1. but please drop fake friends! These people just come into your life to make you miserable and look down on yourself. I have had my fair share of fake friends and it’s not pretty. It can even be guy friends, not just jealous envious girls. Sometimes it could be hard to identify who is a fake friend in your life but if you connect the dots, you may have one. Here are signs to watch out for:

• Talks bad about you “jokingly”

• Doesn’t compliment your success/your pics

• Takes it to heart when you have something that they don’t

• Never defends your name

• Doesn’t invite you anywhere

• Uses you (for $$, talking to a guy, schoolwork) etc.

• Always comes to you asking for advice (you end up feeling used)

Of course there could be more signs but just please watch out for them & if they are fake drop them immediately. Once you do, you won’t regret it. Instead surround yourself with more positive friends.

4. Spending time off your phone

(ofc don’t throw out your phone like serena, lol you’re gonna need it sooner or later)

When you spend less time on your phone you won’t believe the things you could get done.

• Studying

• Everything showers

• Cleaning

• Reading

• Baking/ cooking

• Putting outfits together

• Spending time with family & friends

• Working out

5. Writing in a diary/journal

At the end of the day, I just love to write down what i’m feeling and my plans for the next days ahead in my comfy pjs and pink pen (or my notes app) it relaxes me & also helps when i have nobody to talk to about how im feeling because im naturally shy (trying to break this habit lol). But when i do this i always feel 10x better & sometimes i listen to good music too.

But I hope you guys loved reading this helpful advice on how to live at peace!

xoxo, Black Barbie💋

#itgirl tips #it girl #divine feminine #pink aesthetic #becoming that girl #be that girl #self concept #self care #pretty girls #aura

[jvten]

blog intro wahoo

CARRD LINK

MASTERLIST / CREATION LINK PAGE

i'm jay, sometimes JV. they/them pronouns only. i'm a minor for like another month so please caution or ill drop kick you

im neurospicy, bisexual, genderfluid, nonbinary and aroace if you have a problem with that it's treason then (/ref)

im legally married to boromir son of denethor captain of the white tower who is definitely not dead nope not at all 👍

my side blogs are @rexxmako @echosodapop and @studiodojo

here's an ask/question list i made, and my answers for that lol-

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

✿ what to expect on my blog, you may ask?

all of the everything most of the time /ref /j

when I don't reblog other people's cool stuff, i often post my own art (of my own OCs), and some general shitposts. keep in mind i can be extremely erratic and weird and i dont mean like in a "ehe im quirky uwu" way. i mean like in a "i desire this man carnally, it's a problem that i do not intend to solve, nobody fucking stop me" way.

✦ stuff i like / am currently into

liminal horror / liminal spaces / dreamcore / weirdcore

dark fantasy / sci-fi fantasy / basically anything in the fantasy genre tbh

art / digital art / aesthetic art / character design

writing (but do i do it? not really no)

acting / theatre

alt rock / rock / metal music

dilfs

men

boromir

fuck man. just sean bean

❥ fandoms I'm currently in and/or media I currently enjoy

i should probably note that i'm more of a passive enjoyer of some medias, and i don't interact with other fans nor do i make a fuck ton of fanart/content

Studio Ghibli

Lord of the Rings / The Hobbit

Star Wars (The Bad Batch, The Clone Wars, etc)

My Friendly Neighborhood

The Amazing Digital Circus (not as much tho)

♫ my current projects (as in, writing)

Beast (first volume in Tenverse Saga) (fantasy steampunk)

Love, Decay and Mayhem (ninth volume in Tenverse Saga) (apocalyptic fantasy)

ReAnimate (cyberpunk/science-fiction dystopian)

Star Guardians (alien/space science-fiction)

Project LIMINAL (thriller/horror dreamcore)

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

DO NOT INTERACT

If you are homophobic

If you are transphobic

If you are queerphobic

If you are ableist

If you are racist / sexist

If you have any intentions to harass / assault / bully / discriminate me for any of my beliefs, my gender and/or sexuality, the things I like, the things i create or make, etc

If you are someone who ships problematic ships

If you are an NSFW blog

If you are an empty blog (because I'll mistake you for a porn bot lol)

if you support isra3l, gen0cide, etc

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

if you made it to the end you're gay

#intro post #blog intro #pinned intro

[aestheticsuwu]

⛓Ladies first, baby, I insist [I could be a better boyfriend than him ]⛓

Sam LaRusso x Tory Nichols

I will be posting all my work soon, since I might stop writing and making moodboards .

~~~~~~~~~~~

The universe works so many ways ,and outcomes are all different, She wouldn’t have expected it to go her way tonight.

The night was like any other night at a club. Packed with people dancing to the rhythm of the music and drinking to fulfill one’s enjoyment . It’s not a club without random strangers or couples who are practically had their tongue down their throats and grinding against each other.

Lust lingering in the crowded air. It seem people were inhaling desperately .

She had two of her close friends doing the exact same thing . She wish she had bleach for her eyes for every time it happened. Tory honesty thought they were 10 times worse than any sex deprived stranger , She really regrets introducing those two.

But nothing could ruin her night . She sat against comfortably in her booth , a half-empty glass in her hand , and her eyes focused on her .

The dim-light against her skin and the low cut dress made her look like the greatest sin and well Tory was up for adding her to her list.

It had been a month that the blonde made a choice to keep coming to the same overpriced club where the drinks were far from cheap and had a snobby-rich crowd. ‘Swayze force her to tag along, and she was not impressed until her eyes landed on her.

She is not usually like this. But something captivated her attention and there’s no going back ,and by now Tory doesn’t want it to. The girl wasn’t her type, far from it .

The petite brunette held her self like a princess , all soft and delicate . A sugary smile that would nauseate Tory if it was anyone else . Curly hair that framed her face perfectly .Blue eyes that made her want to take a leap and make a move, she would’ve but the beau has a boyfriend.

Every night she watches the couple order drinks , the guy would grab her to harshly and let her dance by herself and at the end ,the idiot would get all winded up and ruin her night and the brunette always runs after him with a prominent scowl .

You can tell the guy didn’t care about her, but himself . Tory would know how to treat her right. Having her around her arm , Showing her off to the world because that’s what the brunette deserved. She would treat her like a real princess and not like a side piece like the turd that she calls boyfriend.

Plus, My clothes would fit her. Bet she would look hot.

“ You know, Stalking isn’t attractive not even if it’s you.” Robby says breathless like he ran a marathon and all sweaty . He wipes his face with a towel from his bag and plops down beside her.

She pushes him away with a spare napkin making him laugh . Flickering her hair away with a bit of attitude, a habit she picked up on from her, ,” It’s not stalking. Im here with my best friend who has spent all night grinding up on his boyfriend while I sit here comfortably drinking and saving myself from the embarrassing sight and if it’s conveniently where I can -“

“Stare at Sam .” Robby cuts her off with raised eyebrows . It turns out they knew each other . She was like his step sister , Tory didn’t get to meet her when they were younger . At the time maybe Tory wouldn’t give her time of day since she was dating Aisha , who also knew Sam. Everyone knew her even Rickenberger ,but to be fair the guy knows everyone.

I’m I really the only one ? That can’t be . She been single multiple times and nobody even introduced her to Sam. And here she was introducing Robby to his boyfriend. ughhh .

“ She’s going to break up with the guy. She told me . I heard because Brian has a small dick or maybe because he treats her like shit , I don’t remember.” Robby finishes with a fit of giggles and topples over the table.

No more drinks for this little guy.

“No more drinks for you , Robby.” Doug helps Robby move off from the table and fixes him to lay back against the leather cushions . She watch how her friend stops giggling and gets a sad look.

He pokes his boyfriend chest with his finger .”I’m not Robby. I’m Baby !”

“Of course. You’re my baby. And I think is time to head back home.” Doug smiles fondly at his drunk boyfriend . Robby covers his face bashfully. He turns to look a her for confirmation , she agrees immediately .

“Give me your card so I can pay the tab.” She helps out her hand out .

“I pay all the time .”

“I introduce you to the best thing in your life .That’s a debt you will pay me for life.” She smirk triumphantly when she’s handed the credit card. It always work. Although right now Robby is not proving her statement right now . Acting like a kid trying to get out of showering.

She helps her short friend out of the booth and until she makes sure he’s glued to Doug hip like a koala ,she heads the other way to pay .

Finish dealing with the bill , she pockets the card and makes a turn to leave when she halts . She was five inches away from the brunette , all alone but a empty drink in her hand . Robby drunk words echoed in her brain . Everyone kept dancing all in their own world while Tory felt time stopped.

Take Swayze home. I have business to take care of.

She puts her phone away and heads towards her. Taking through her brain to come up with the right way to approach her . The female looked bothered, her usual bright smile and her stupid boyfriend didn’t make any appearance tonight . Maybe the new red dress that hugged her right , her hair straighten and red painted lips were the signs she ditched the loser.

Tory walked up to the bar , standing near her, her hand sought out to her wrist to grab attention and reluctantly letting it go to not scare her away.

“Can I buy you a drink .” For the first time , Tory is making eye contact with her and it felt thrilling .She hoped she wouldn’t get rejected but even if she did , Tory won’t give up. She would try next time .

“ No Thank you.” Sam stands up smoothly and her dress down her pale thighs and pushes back her hair away from her face. Tory pulls out her poker face to not show her disappointment , she nods and bites her lips but keeps her eyes on the shorter female .

She makes a move to leave but to her surprise Sam continues, “ But you can invite me to dance .”

The invitation sounded enticingly to Tory’s ears. She stands in front of her , she notice quickly their height difference , and Sam notice too . Tory pulls her by the wrist and she feels her smooth skin against hers , leading her to the dance floor .

Pulling her body closer , enough to feel her but not that close to make her feel uncomfortable but she is surprise when Sam pulls her in closer and wraps her arms around her neck.

“ I warn you I might not let you go tonight.” She whispers to the shorter female ear . Fixing a stray hair behind the same ear.

“ Then this might be your lucky night , Tory.” Sam grins with a gleam of mischief in her blue innocent eyes. Maybe Tory hadn’t been to subtle about her intrest but she didn’t give a fuck since now she had her in her arms .

She will show LaRusso what a better boyfriend she can be ,not like any other guy she had in her life. She will start with tonight. Making her regret not dumping the guy quicker .

#samtory #sam larusso #tory x sam #sam larusso x tory nichols #sam x tory #tory nichols #peyton list #mary mouser #moodboard #boyfriend dove cameron #robby keene #doug rickenberger

[actualbird]

Polyam NXX where they all fuck the depressing thoughts out of Luke? Marius fucking his ass, Artem riding his dick, Rosa riding his face, and Vyn kissing and caressing him all over, all at the same time.

n/s//f///w text in response (and also in the ask itself kjdsbfj) and oh god again why is this response so long, it is 1k words

HHGRHRGRGHR ANON....this caters to so many things i love so much, 1) luke being fucked to the high heavens, 2) LUKE TERRIBLY DEPPRESSING THOUGHTS ON HIMSELF, 3) nxx investigation polycule <3!!!

i can sense that this ask wants me to focus on the smut aspect of this and i will get to that but first i wanna talk about like. man, luke, in his relationship with the other four, would have his self doubt and self loathing magnified fourfold than if he was just with one person, i think.

he'd think terrible things like how hes dragging so many people down, how hes a greedy person, letting his life touch so many people's lives and fill their lives with sadness and worry. the other four know that luke has thoughts like this, and they all do their part in reassuring and comforting him and being there for him when hes put himself in a dark place. and it helps. it really, really helps to have people who love you, even the sad parts. but relationships also dont "fix" a person, they cant just magically get rid of doubts and insecurities. nobody in the group is under the impression that love is going to "fix" the sadness luke has, but thats not going to stop them from loving him anyway. luke is grateful, luke pours his love out to them back times a hundred...

but deep in his heart, theres a cruel voice that sounds like his own telling him it's never going to be enough, what he gives. that nothing he will do will ever make up for the fact that he's him.

still, after a while of dating the others, after a while of being steadily encouraged little by little to reach out when he needs help and comfort, luke hazards a chance to ask one day. for the first time ever.

i can imagine the scene something like this:

the whole team managing to find a space in their busy schedules to meet up together outside of nxx business. theyre at mc's apartment maybe. artem is cooking dinner while marius commentates the cooking from where he's seated at the dining nook, "when onions hit the pan, the panties hit the FLOOR." and artem throws a dishtowel at marius' face fondly. softly, music plays from some speakers hooked up to somebody's tablet, some calm old song. vyn and mc are being horrendously romantic, idly dancing to the music and laughing when marius squawks at artem's dishtowel attack. and luke sits on the couch, looking at all of them, feeling such a burst of light from his heart. these are his partners, silly and loving and wonderful, and he wants to give them all the love he has in his heart.

but the thing about luke is that his happiness has always been annotated with doubt. in the footnotes of all his joys is the dark voice inside of him, the voice that sounds like his own, telling him he doesnt deserve this.

but he can see them though. he can see how brightly they all shine, how they always coax him to stand in the light. so after dinner has been eaten (it's delicious, obviously, artem wing homecook masterchef), after the movie they picked out has been watched (it was marius' turn to pick the movie and he picked something stupidly trashy yet raucously enjoyable to watch with others), after they start retiring to go bed together (GOD, im assuming they all get like, bigger beds sjkdbfkjd, marius is the wallet of this polycule, it's fine, he'll cover it), after all that, luke asks.

he asks for help. he trembles ever so slightly as he does it, looking away, and the rest of them can see that him doing this is something agonizing for him. that admitting that hes hurting and asking for comfort is something that seems to pain him, not because he doesnt like them and the love they give, but because he doesnt like himself, because he doesnt see himself as worthy to receive that love.

"i--i dont know what im asking for, actually," luke lets out a self deprecating laugh as he starts to backpedal back into the shadows, overwhelmed by how in this moment, theyre seeing him. theyre seeing the messy part of him he hates so, so much. "sorry, you know me. my head gets like this. sorry. i'll get over--"

hes stopped before he can continue that sentence. mc is the first one to hold his face gently, to coax him to look at her, and in her gaze isnt the disgust luke was expecting. it's something open and beautiful, and when luke looks at everybody else, the same thing is clear in their eyes.

they see this part of him he hates so much and they dont turn him away like he does with himself. they accept him and their kindness starts to wash over the shores of luke's heart.

i like to think they didnt actually plan to have hot group sex focused on fucking the depressing thoughts of luke pearce. it goes more like... mc kisses luke all gentle and sweet and then marius goes to hug luke from behind and he starts praising luke in a teasing way that makes luke laugh softly against mc's lips. when mc pulls away (and she pulls away with a smile), artem is the one who kisses luke next, passionate and devoted and vyn joins in on the "praise luke pearce" agenda, whispering sweet nothings to luke as luke starts to tremble once more, not in hatred or fear this time though, but in how overwhelmed he is. eventually the reassuring kisses and touches start to get a little bit heated because come on, luke is being held and touched by four beautiful people, it's hard to NOT get hard when that happens, and the rest are also easy to get worked up when theyre all together and close and intimate like this.

SO YEAH, they get to fucking!!!! very focused on luke because the other four reach this unspoken agreement to like, make luke feel so good that his mind can go blank tonight. that he can just let go and let them take care of him.

and take care of him they DOOOOOO. in between moaning against mc's cunt, shaking from sensations of fucking artem and being fucked marius, his body relentlessly touched by vyn, all his lovers taking pleasure from luke and giving pleasure back, luke loses himself. he lets go.

the voice in his mind does not quiet so much as be spoken over by the loving voices of his lovers.

his body submits to their actions. his mind fills with their words. and his heart?

he gives that to them to take care of.

#tears of themis #luke pearce #vyn richter #artem wing #marius von hagen

[abacus-and-paper-money]

YOU FOOLS GAVE ME TEN NOTES ON THE HALLOWEEN POST SO NOW IM DOING THIS ONE AND YOU CANT STOP ME im going to annoy my grand total of 14 followers yet again

(Modern/High school au yknow like just cuz)

Ranking Great Comet characters based on how they would be at a Halloween party

Andrey - 4/10. Andrey doesn't really do shit at parties in general, except stand in the corner and get in fights on twitter. He only does two exciting things all night. 1. scare the shit out of Natasha by holding her head under the water during apple bobbing for a second, just to freak her out. She cried. 2. Got in a fistfight with Dolokhov.

Natasha - 9/10. Definitely set up the party and got Sonya and Mary to help her decorate the back yard all spooky. She goes all-out on her princess costume. Would waltz with you to the moster mash. There's so much candy. She put candy everywhere. All-around great hostess, a tiny bit naïve as always, though.

Sonya - 6/10. Overall usually kind of boring at parties, but she loosens up a bit on Halloween. Convinces Mary to dance a little. Had to be physically restrained by Pierre when Andrey scared Natasha so she didn't get violent. Spends most of the night with Mary near the snacks.

Marya - 6/10. She doesn't really go out in the backyard to party with the kids but occasionally makes an appearance. Just takes a handful of candy, whacks Anatole with her broomstick (dressed as a witch) and leaves again.

Anatole - 9/10. Anatole is always the life of the party, no matter what kind. Dances like it's the fucking end of the world when the Spooky Scary Skeletons remix comes on. Will break it down with anyone and everyone who will let him dance with them. (*cough* Mary and Sonya won't *cough*) Spikes the punch.

Hélène - 10/10. Arguably knows how to work a crowd better than her brother or even Dolokhov. Tells everyone they look great, flexes on everyone with how well she can dance, and drinks an unholy amount of spiked punch. Would spin you so many times you almost fall over and attempt to catch you. It may or may not work.

Dolokhov - 8/10. Always huge fun at parties due to the sheer chaos inside of him that could show itself at any moment. Probably runs the DJ booth for a solid hour and a half before getting bored of just standing there. Hits people with his fake sword and runs away laughing. Andrey did not find it funny. Dolokhov got in a fistfight with Andrey.

Mary - 2/10. Hates parties. Spends the entire night with Sonya hiding in some corner of the backyard with a bowl of candy. At least that was the plan, until Sonya dragged her over to dance. The most enjoyment she gets out of the party is whenever Marya shows up and smacks Anatole with her broom.

Old Prince Bolkonsky - 1/10. Falls asleep on the back porch. Somebody stole Dolokhov's pirate hat and put it on him. It may or may not have been Sonya. The small amount of time he was awake was spent complaining about 'kids these days and their soulless, awful music.'

Pierre - 6/10. Dressed as William Snakespeare and literally only speaks in Shakespeare quotes all night. Which is funny at first, but eventually after he's gotten drunk on spiked punch it gets annoying. He's said "How now, a rat?!" And tried to stab somebody with a plastic knife at LEAST four times. Still, occasionally entertaining.

Balaga - ??/10. How did he get here. Nobody invited him. Where did he get the small horse. Why does he have a small horse. These terrible questions.

#great comet #natasha pierre and the great comet of 1812 #nptgc1812 #andrey bolkonsky #natasha rostova #sonya rostova #sonya #marya dimitryevna #marya d #anatole #anatole kuragin #helene bezukhova #helene kuragina #dolokhov #fedya dolokhov #fyodor dolokhov #old prince bolkonsky #prince bolkonsky #princess mary #mary bolkonskaya #pierre bezukhov #halloween partyyyyy #ranking characters #balaga #andrei bolkonsky #broadway #musicals #musical theater

[ezginthegetawaycar]

Delayni: I love taylor because she is single handedly the most gorgeous person inside and out. I feel like she has been there for me in a way that nobody else was and that's never going to change. I love her music and her lyric writing abilities. She is flat out amazing💗

@daisyadorestaylor : she’s my world and i love(r) her 😌��

@bbswiftieforlife: Dear Taylor, I have been by your side and a fan for a long time I look up to you so much keep doing what your going love you!

@yourmybestfriendd: hey taylor!! 💌how are u doing?? i hope you’re doing well!! i just wanted to say that i love you SO much and thank you for being my idol for almost nine years!! you’re so kind and generous and i love you!! take care of yourself!! -Livvie ✨🦋💌

Aleisha: I love you Taylor because you are a source of inspiration for me and also for other people. Thank you for teaching me so much Taylor. I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART 💖

@faithlovestaylor : “thank you for everything you do ❤️🥺”

@drunkonswiftxo: i love you taylor, thank you for being a constant in my life for the last 12 years! here’s to 12 more!

@cruelsummerx89 : You're my inspiration to be a better person. I would love to meet u💘

@alltootaylorswt : Heyy Taylor I just wanted to let you know that I love you so much and I'm so thankful for everything you've done!! I will never stop supporting you and I'll always fight for you as much as I can. Love u - Kaya

@tayloroftodayy : ‘thank you so much taylor helping me through all my highs and lows, i love you unconditionally - hunter 💗’

@naomilovestay : hi taylor it’s naomi!! i love and miss you endlessly. thank you for writing daylight because that’s my baby. i hope you’re doing well and i’m sending you the biggest hug❤️❤️❤️so proud of you and stay safe lovie!

@allisonworshipstswizzle : dear Taylor, I can’t put into words how much I love and respect you but you have impacted my life so much! love you!!

@whoscountingswift : she’s the most beautiful girl! :)

@lyssaswiftie : “You inspired me to write my own songs

@gemmaheartstaylor :Hey buddy, it’s Gem. I just want to let you know how much of a huge part of my life you are! I can’t imagine a world without you or your music and I am so proud to call you my role model💘💓💗💕

@ashleylovestaylor13 : I love Taylor with my whole heart. She has inspired me in many ways. She is an absolute ray of sunshine. I will forever be thankful for her.

@meganstanstaylor : To Taylor💘You mean so so so much to me and i’m so proud of you. I will always support you every step of the way and i stand with you! Thank you for making my life so much more enjoyable with your tours, personality,easter eggs,music videos,award speeches and of course music and love!! I LOVE YOU -Megan💗

@georgiaadorestaylor : i’m so so proud of you @taylorswift!! i love u so much and i’ll always stay by your side💘

@indifferenceswift : hey taylor i love u!! thanks for always being there for me

@newromanticsss89 : taylor thank you for being an amazing role model to me! i am extremely proud of everything thing you do! thank you for your amazing music that i can dance to and cheers me up when i’m upset! i’m really hoping i can give you the biggest hug in the world soon! i will always stay by your side! i absolutely love you with my entire heart! -priscila💗

@taylorismygod-13 : Taylor Alison Swift I just wanna thank you for being in my life for all these years and inspiring me to be the best version of myself💓

@onlyseedayylight :Taylor, I’m Sophie and I love you SO much. Daylight is literally the best song you’ve ever written. Thank you for being such an amazing role model!

@kayleeheartstay : hi taylor!! i wanted to thank you for being my best friends for the past six years. i am so beyond grateful to have you in my life, i don’t know where i would be without you. i love you endlessly and im so proud of you and I will always have your back!! love kaylee 💞🧚🏻‍♀️🧸💌

@kristinarain13 : taylor, thank you so much for being not only my biggest inspiration and my idol, but my best friend. you’ve taught me and showed me so much and that you for all you have done. you mean so much to me and i love you endlessly.love, kristina 💌

@i_was_born_in1989 : Thank you for writing Back To December!💕

@eliselovestay : She means the world to me

@lookatyounowswift13 : “hey taylor, it’s lexi, thank you so much for being there for me over the past eight years. you have shaped me to be the person i am today. i admire your selflessness and your work ethic. i am so proud of how far you’ve come, and i love you so much. thank you for making me so happy, i promise to always stay and support you💗”

@megan-swiftie :“hey taylor! i just wanted to say thank you for being such a light in my life and inspiring me so much. i love you endlessly and hope we can hug someday soon💓🧚🏻‍♀️✨”

@claudialovestay : hi taylor! i’m so proud of you and love you endlessly! 💞

@tswiftenergy : I love you so much thank you for changing my life and making the BEST music to blast!💗💗💗

@leaadorestaylor : There are 171,476 words in the English dictionary and they're still not enough to describe how much you've affected me, inspired me, and healed me, in so many ways... I love you, thank you for everything 💓💖

@dont_blame_emma :My note to Taylor: thanks for everything you have done and continue to do thanks for changing my life ILY Taylor xo Emma

@iolalovestaylor : hi taylor is me (( your supportive icon )) iola !! I love you with my entire heart <3 I hope you are doing well angel 💋

@natalialovestay : hi taylor buddy! I love you so so so much and I hope you are doing well. You’re my biggest inspiration and I honestly don’t have a clue where I’d be if I didn’t find you or your music. thank you for everything, I love you more than words could ever say 🥺💓

Hira: I love you very much taylor. You are a very successful singer. We love the songs. so glad that I have you💓

@anastasialovestay : Taylor I love you so much and I’m so proud of you!! I’ll stand by you forever💖

@asdfghjklswiftt : Hey, Taylor! Just wanted to say how much I love you and how you’ve been my motivation to do music as a career :) can’t wait to see you at Hyde Park Lover Fest 💕

@lucythirteenswift : Dear Taylor: Thank you for playing such a big part in my life! Will always love you 💕

@ezginthegetawaycar *ME!* Hi Taylor!! i love you so much you have always been an inspiration for me you're music is my everything i hope you are stayed safe buddy we always supporting you!!! 💓💗🥰💌

@sophiaswiftiee13 : “ t i love u so so so much. thank you for inspiring me everyday ♡ “

@taysdead :“hey taylor i just want to say thank you SO much for everything you’ve done! you’ve made me so much happier since 2008, and i can’t wait to keep to see you again live, i love you💕”

@jaylinlovestay : Hey Taylor!! Thank you so so much for being such an amazing role model! I love you!! xo Jaylin

@livel0vetaylor : Taylor, I am so proud of everything you accomplished and I can’t wait to see what’s ahead. Thank you so much for everything you have done for me I could never thank you enough!

@frustratedswift : "i love you all the way from the Philippines🇵🇭, 𝓛𝓸𝓿𝓮, 𝐀𝐥𝐲𝐬𝐬𝐚"

@ellaswift13 : “she is my best friend and biggest role model”

@iwillholdontoyoutay : Hi taylor, I’m Rana!! i just wanted to say that your heart is the kindest and like.. we don’t deserve you. Thank you so so much for being so kind and thoughtful. I’m sending you the biggggest hugs & i love you so so much🥺💗💗

@hearthandsswift : Hii! I’m Marisa and Taylor has helped me so much. I’ve been a Swiftie for 10 years and throughout the years Tay has inspired me to be brave and to be kind. She has been so inspirational and strong and always talks about stuff that’s important to her. She has helped me through some very dark times and means the absolute world to me. Love you so much Tay 💞💞💞💞💞

@deathbyathousandcutsx :"Taylor please come to Mexico, many people love you in this country" 🇲🇽

@zoelovestay13 : Taylor, I just want to say that you changed my life and inspired me in so many ways! Your music is inspiring and I don’t know what I would do if I never discovered you and your music. Thank you💗💗 Zoë🌹

@sparklesswift13 : My message: Taylor has changed my life forever and who I am today ❤️

@tswiftnme : I am very proud of her and I love her so much

@tswiftenchnated13 : Thank you Taylor for being such an amazing songwriter and having the sweetest heart ❤️

@jaslovestaylor13 : Taylor swift helped me be ME! Taylor is the best, i love her Soo much!

@foreverandalwayswithtaylor : you're my happiness ❤️

@enchanteddreamsswiftie : Thank u so much Taylor for always helping me when I most needed someone to understand and help me, I love you so much💕💕💕

@brisalovestaylor : I love you so much Taylor you are my world ❤️

@swiftcutiepiee : I love you Taylor stay safe!

@alicelovestaylorsblog : Taylor you are amazing people in the world. I love your music and your voice. You are the most beautiful girl in the world and you very kind to everyone. You are the one of my favourite women in the world and no one can be like you because you are so special to us. I love you so much Taylor 🥺❤️. - Alice

Ceren: Taylor i love you so much, you are one of the most perfect people in the world 💛

@cuttyswift : Hii taylor, How are you? you have been my inspiration.. lots of love and support to you 😘

WE LOVE YOU AND WE WILL ALWAYS SUPPORT YOU! 💗💗💗

LOVE, SWIFTIES 💌

@taylorswift

[oh-theatre]

Livin’ It Up: Chapter 1

Chapter title: An Abrupt Beginning

A/N: Me ? Hating every single thing I write?? BUT OFC GOD I HATE THIS SO MUCH IT SUCKS AHAHA. Im so frustrated, I couldnt get Logans end rant to work and its stupid and I just hate everything i hate this i hate my writing hnnng. Can you believe i took an ok concept and and FUCKED IT UP

words: 2614

summary: Roman throws yet another party, and his only true hope for the night is someone to show up. Patton finds himself disturbed, and Logan needs to stop drinking. 

pairings: Eventual logicality, eventual prinxiety, eventual demus, eventual Moceit (Which then goes back to Logicality and Demus)

warnings: Swearing, alcohol, underage drinking, drinking, parties, kissing, throw up

Ao3 Link  

“Thank you, for coming to this party with me” Virgil repeats once more, combing through his hair for the fifteenth time. Patton chuckles from his bed, neatly sitting as he flips through his book, writing down notes in his book. “Have I mentioned thank you?” Virgil jokes, Patton nods, biting his lip as he crosses through a difficult section.

“The golgi apparatus provides transportation-”

“Pat! Shouldn't you be getting ready?” Virgil turns to him, the cheerleader stops chewing the end of his pencil, a sweet smile as he shrugs. He closes his books, stacking them neatly on his shelf, everything organized. Once his homework is tucked away into the right folders and his pencils are safely back in his pencil case he moves to the mirror.

“I'm good to go” He says flopping back to his bed, Virgil scoffs. “Virge, these parties aren't anything formal. As long as you've got your phone, clothes and a swimsuit you're good” Patton assures, Virgil nods sitting on the bed, his shoes lacing as he hums. Patton adds his final bow, putting his boots comfortably on. “Ready?” He questions, Virgil sighs patting his jeans.

“I guess”

~~~

“Hey sorry Cindy you mind if i borrow Logan?” Roman taps on the girls shoulder, she sighs pulling away from Logan's mouth. He waves her off grumpily following Roman into the kitchen. “What's that? Third one tonight?” Roman teases, setting up the snacks

“Fourth” He corrects picking his teeth. “Carter, Fiona, Marty and Cindy” He sits on the stool, stirring his drink, the remaining ice clinking delicately.  Roman wants to push but fears a drunken argument before his gathering so allows Logan to pour himself more of whatever murky drink he had been guzzling down. “Mm, why must we have these soirees” Logan mumbles, spinning around.

“Its a party Logan, i've been attending and hosting them for ages!” Roman argues, he sighs finally finishing his set up. “Look just dont make out with too many people, I don't need a million girls crying at me at the end of the night because they thought you were the one”

“They know im gay right?” He sips, adjusting his glasses.

“Do you know youre gay?” Roman retorts, a glare is his gift in return.  “Why do you do it then?” Roman inquires, moving the pair through the already bustling house.

“Its fun” Logan shrugs, Roman pauses snickering as he carries the chips. “Not fun, but its something to do. Mind numbing and does not require actual intellect” Logan slumps on the couch almost instantly finding himself lip to lip with yet another poor and emotional victim. Roman rolls his eyes walking away from the mess. The door continues to open as more people file in, soon the familiar scent of alcohol and booze fill the air and Roman finds himself taking the tiniest sips from his own drink. With every creak of the door, the slightest hope lights up the man.

Come on

Just walk through the door

Please

~~~

“Do I drink, do I get a drink, what do I do? I got this” Virgil rambles, Patton chuckles, shaking his head. Closing the door behind him he guides Virgil into the kitchen, serving him a club soda. He takes it, almost finishing the entire thing, the sweat dripping his anxiousness for miles. “Thanks, ugh why am i here”

“Because I invited you” Roman chimes in, Virgil practically chokes back his drink, being rescued by Patton. “I'm really glad you're here Virge” Roman smirks, Virgil nods through his ever increasing reddened face. His eyes land on Patton, a slight regret but a neutral respect is shared with a nod.

“Ill be by the pool if you need me” Patton whispers, taking his leave, into the rioting house.

“How are you?” Virgil decides, Roman closes the door behind them chuckling as he closes the distance. “That's not an answer” His nerves seem to calm as his ‘radiant’ sarcasm takes place. Somehow his annoyance for Roman returned, his defenses lifted. “Nice house, mind giving me a tour?” He dances out from the ever closing gap Roman entraps him in, a slight scoff of amusement but the teen obliges.

“Well this is the kitchen, an original model and renovated around 5 years ago” Roman demonstrates, Virgil nods finding it actually quite interesting. A serenity falling over him as he takes this moment to breathe. “Over here is the hallway, leading into an assortment of rooms” He explains, Virgil identifies a name plastered on each. “You've got the bathroom, an office and our library still in its original condition from 1875” He hopes to impress the young teen. Knowing Logan, when he was still fresh, found the room the most enchanting thing.

“And where's your room?” Virgil teases, knowing this apartment was enormous in its own right.

“Upstairs” Roman replies, Virgil bites his tongue. Upstairs, god this apartment was huge. “And downstairs we have the pool and some storage. Nobody really uses the pool to be honest. Mostly people seem to hang out in the living room or-”

“The other living room?” Virgil points as they come into yet another opening, flashing lights, loud screeches and many drunken dancers. Roman and him share an amused laugh.

“Care for a dance?” Roman nudges, Virgil scoffs, taking yet another sip of his drink. Finding the teen to be serious he can't help but allow this to fuel his laughter more.

“Me? Dance? Oh that's not the issue...it's dancing with you..” Virgil carries on, Roman rolls his eyes dragging him onto the floor. Slow but upbeat movements take place and...what's this? Is Virgil having...fun?

~~~

The light splashes and ripples of waves as Patton let his feet dangle felt calming. No part of him missed the chaos upstairs, sure freshman year this kind of thing was at least slightly intriguing. But the parties and the drinking grew tiresome and well...annoying. At least now he knew his way around, no one went near the pool, it restricted them.

So, with his bubbling soda by his side, and his book in hand he just sat. It was almost peaceful, the moon found its way through the window, the muffled sounds of music were present and the water felt cool to the touch, reminding him he was there.

“Are you reading?” A slurred voice requests, Patton squints up watching Logan tumble into the space. His feet repeating a crass and heavy movement.

“Are you tap dancing?” Patton hides his giggle. Logan shrugs dropping what seems to be his hundredth red solo cup of the night. Roman makes it a point to never give him glass ones or anything fancier seeing as his tendency to well...destroy grows heavy.

“Trying to” he continues, practically falling over himself, the pool and him soon to become very familiar. “Why are you reading at a party, it's a party or a social gathering and while reading is generally an enjoyable activity it deems itself unsocial and a bore when surrounded by peers and other things to spark your brain” He rambles, Patton forgot how fast the teen could talk. Logan had not been to debate in awhile. “Captain of the cheerleading squad, I would presume this is exactly your type of event” Logan staggers forward a bit more.

“Observant” Patton mumbles, returning his focus to his book, flipping through the pages happily.

“I mean I did happen to notice some of your team was present” Logan continues, Patton nods.

“Yes, I saw you and Brianna grow very close, I think a spring wedding” Patton jokes, Logan furrows his brows clearly scanning his already jumbled brain for the person in question. “Red head, wearing the green sweater and jeans” Patton reminds, Logan snaps a flash of excitement.

“Ah yes! She was fun, well okay, better than most people I suppose.” He sighs, finally finding himself a ground, he breathes. “I want to swim, so with my capable body and sane mind I shall” He deems, Patton looks up catching Logan as he removes his shirt. Now Patton wasn't invisible and he wasn't one to deny that Logan was well...fit. Hearing the splash as Logan falls into the pool he returns to his book. The water makes a plethora of noises, moving around the pool growing close to Patton. “You're intelligent” Logan pops up, Patton's gaze moves to him. He's closer now, fiddling with the water around him.

“Thank you?” Patton wonders, its random but he thinks its a compliment.

“Straight A’s, you skipped your junior year” Logan lists, Patton knows all this but he hums along, no harm in listening. “Captain of the cheerleading squad, student council president and vice president to the drama cabinet” Logan moves closer, Patton finally understands.

“So this is how you do it?” Patton kicks a tiny bit, the water flicks melting back into the pool. “You root out their accomplishments, find yourself impressed and then suddenly head over heels for you” He laughs, Logan hates the weird sense that floods him as the delicate sound sweeps the room.

“Photographic memory” Logan shrugs, leaning back as his hair washes over, drooping with thick water. He advances, curious as Patton continues to neglect him and read his book. “Im not wrong am i?” Patton shrugs, his eyes averting Logans prominent gaze. “Why dont you get in the pool? Why come down to read and sit with your feet in the water when your body could be submerged, are you so bored?” Logan pushes

“Just here for a friend” Pattons short and quick responses bother Logan, something about their manner itches him. He moves closer, finding himself close enough to feel the warmth upon his tingling skin.

“What, may I ask, are you reading?” Logan inquires, peeking over. He attempts to take the book, the world was his to own, why should this book be any different. Patton pulls away and soon the pair commence in a playful game, Patton tugs his book away as Logan fears no boundaries and continues to close the space between them. Grabbing as fast as he can to try and see what might be so much more interesting then Logan himself. Finally it slows and the pair eyes lock, Pattons arms retire and his body relaxes allowing a mutual agreement to both move closer and lock lips with one another.

He couldn't deny that the hype is not valid, he was a good kisser.

But even with Logan's hands meeting his own, and the perfect way this felt…

This wasn't Patton.

He pulls away, resting his hand on Logan's chest. A tender but bittersweet look to a pouting Logan.

“Sorry Moreno, but I'm not going to be one of those girls or boys” He smirks. The shock runs from Logan's face quickly as he pretends to fall hurt back into the pool. Patton stands finding the clock has run its course, and the night comes to a close. Gathering his things, stepping over Logan's mess, with no looking back he makes his way upstairs.

~~~

“Did you atleast have a bit of fun?” Roman hopes, Virgil and him having reconvened in the kitchen.

“When you were not stepping on my feet?” Virgil teases, pouring himself a much needed glass of water. “Yeah I had fun.” He rests, giving a somewhat anxious Roman a reason to breathe. They seemed to keep their proximity to one another, Virgil leans comfortably on the counter.

“Well good…” Roman whispers, not really paying attention as hes much more focused on the small details placed around Virgil's face. The sweet dimple of his sarcastic smirk, the poorly hidden under bags sleeping below his stormy and ebony eyes. The soft yet controlled way he kissed him-

Hold on…

They pull away both utterly confused by how this night had proceeded.

“You have no idea how long I've wanted to do that…” Roman fiddles with Virgil's hand, ignoring the sweat from both.

“Me too” He smiles under his gloom “I think we’re just drunk” Virgil searches for an excuse, he knows the reality. He's been around long enough.

“I'm not drunk, are you?” Romans voice remains soft, Virgil shakes his head. The only drink he had consumed was club soda and water, both becoming aware as they push on his bladder. “I've had a moderate amount of drinks” Roman cant talk apparently, his ability to communicate normally and with his typical charm had clearly left him. Disappointed at his failed attempts.

“I should go” He decides, Patton appearing in the doorway only furthering that choice. Roman pulls away, biting his lip as he nods. “Thanks for inviting me”

“Thanks for coming” He replies, turning to Patton “Both of you” Feeling Virgil slip away, joining Patton. With a timid smile and wave he watches them link arm, rest tired heads and disappear.

~~~

“Are you going to help clean up or sit there and threaten to throw up?” Roman bites, exhausted he organizes and cleans up the remains of his celebration. Logan groans, his head pounding wanting nothing less then to be useless and contain almost zero information.

“He was different, and I don't understand why or how but he was. He was witty and he said no.” Logan begins, Roman yawns knowing what course this was setting him upon. “But I like him and not just I need to win over him but truly like him. I don't like this feeling, but it wasn't a done deal” He speaks, his words making no sense worrying Roman. “I kissed him, kissed him, and I do that. I truly do. I find some brief and fulfilling satisfaction from performing such an action but when he decided against it I felt not..that” Roman nods, processing his vague and ranting words. “Its not that hes cliche and that hes different but it was, he didn't care, this wasnt a game to him or some quick fling or an experimentation it was nothing” He scrambles hard for an explanation, all this thinking hurting his frail state. “I don't know what I feel, I don't understand and I don't enjoy that. I like understanding, I do, I know things, I'm smart, I got it..” This was Romans cue as soon as the self-doubt and irrationality set in, Logan needed to shut down for the evening. “I don't know what I'm talking about, who was it...Patty? Marlene...maybe Connor” he ponders, his trail of thought gone.

“Your fathers coming home tomorrow, we should get you rested and ready for his meeting” Roman reminds, leading a hyper and ranting Logan to his room. He moans as he falls to the bed.

“I loathe the idea of my father returning, I wish not to see him or meet with him. Its the same thing as always, and I don't mind, I've accepted my path but why must I be continued to be reminded of my lack of freedom and set future. I don't care, I have no qualms but to have to constantly be pushed further sparks a rebellious thought in me and I wish-

“I will smother you with my pillow Logan” Roman interjects “Go to sleep, you'll be back to your normal, cold, and uncaring self in the morning” Logan rolls over, clutching to the pillow beside him “Nothing will matter and you'll have become familiar with at least three new people by noon” Roman decides

“Mm...I very much hope you are correct in your predicament” And with his final words Logan falls into a deep sleep. Roman after much cleaning, passes out in his own manner, sprawled on his bed, hating the night and the way it went.

#livin it up au #logicality #romantic prinxiety #prinxiety #demus #moceit #sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #patton sanders #remus sanders #deceit sanders #virgil sanders #thomas sanders #writing #my writing #ao3 #archive of our own

[netbug009]

thanks for taking it seriously. tbh you talked about how you cared more about the final product even if the creator had questionable morals than who participated in it which made me suspicious. later you talked about how we should hold ben schwartz accountable for music and it felt like you only cared about stopping the support of people or content that only affected yourself. im glad thats not true and that your change is not superficial and am happy for you.

TBH you kinda read my mind of late. The whole situation with Music has been making me think a lot about that kind of thing. On one hand, I’m not sure that’s a 1:1 comparison, because even if you separate Music from its creator, Music itself remains a deeply ableist and bigoted work. I don’t think Music counts as a death-of-the-author issue the way reblogging a benign work from someone without benign views does. On the other hand, for me personally, Sia being ableist definitely ruined all of Sia’s work for me. I will not be able to enjoy her contributions to things I like, such as MLP and Finding Dory, the same way I used to. I’ll probably roll my eyes when her songs come up when I rewatch those films. I won’t pretend it didn’t impact my view and enjoyment of the work she’s in, and it would indeed make me a hypocrite to claim nobody else has the right to feel that way when they find out someone who created or contributed to a work is spreading harmful views.  That said, the way people interact with work is complex. I remain a fan of Danny Phantom despite Butch Hartman’s myriad of concerning views, including the classic “mental illness can be prayed away and is a sign of lack of faith” nonsense that has hurt me personally. I likewise see a lot of LGBT fans taking DP back, because those characters still mean a lot to them and they enjoy the work outside of what Hartman has to say about it. I also see trans Harry Potter fans choosing to distance that work from its creator as well as opposed to shunning it all together, and I don’t think it’s my place to shame them for that. That said, I ALSO don’t think it’s my place to tell people who go “Oh, I can’t enjoy this thing anymore, because of the views of its creator” that they’re overreacting.  Does acknowledging all of that make me a hypocrite for going so hard on Sia? Maybe. I try not to be. That’s kinda why I stressed that I’m upset with people supporting the film and its album specifically, despite the fact that I personally have no intention of supporting ANYTHING Sia makes in the future unless she backs up her recent apologies with actions (so far, it seems she lied about the actions she claimed she was going to take, so... keep digging that hole, Sia.) I’m also in the spot of formerly being a pretty bigoted person, and having people who chose to support my benign work despite it, and... while I can’t say this will always be the case, that gave me the opportunity to interact with a lot of people who made me question and ultimately change my views. I firmly believe that kindness when I might have not deserved it helped set me on the right path better than any amount of anger towards me did. So that’s another element that leaves me a bit conflicted on how to handle things like this. Maybe I was treated with more kindness than I deserved, and I certainly don’t blame anybody who chose to distance themselves from me completely, but I don’t think I would have ever broken out of the harmful mindset I was raised around without that, either. What one person may see as rewarding a bigot, another may see as rewarding someone for keeping bigotry out of what they create, creating a stark contrast between the success of something wholesome and something harmful. Sometimes I flip flop between those solutions myself.  I’m still learning, still trying to understand, still working to be accountable to my own feelings and the feelings of others. I’m still thinking about a lot of these things - I think online, we’re expected to be able to pull a very final and firm statement about what we believe out of a hat at any moment, and I’m not sure that’s always a good thing? Especially on something like this, which I think has more nuance than most people give it credit for, and most people make exceptions to their own rules about?  But I guess the one thing I’m sure of is I’m not going to assume that someone enjoying a work means they agree with its creator's views, and I hope people will give me that same understanding. I think the way a person connects to a work is deeply personal and may not always be consistent. Even if I can personally no longer enjoy anything Sia puts out because it’ll be attached to memories of “The Music Incident” I’m not going to assume anybody who streams Chandelier is an ableist bigot who doesn’t care about autistic people, even if in my anger and hurt that’s an easy kneejerk reaction to feel like jumping to. TBH, maybe saying Ben shouldn’t be allowed to work on other, benign things until he apologizes was a hurt, hypocritical kneejerk on my part. Maybe what I’m really upset about is the general lack of outrage about this film, because it’s just another sign of how little people tend to care about autistic people, and I’m desperately trying to find someone to “pay” for it. Maybe I just want that sweet, sweet validation of someone with a large platform standing up and saying “this is wrong, actually.” It’s a complex issue and one I’m very emotional about, which clouds my judgement, but... My goal when talking about Death of the Author isn’t to dismiss the hurt of people who feel a creator’s views have harmed them - it’s to help fans take back the good things in a work they love. I hope people get that and assume the best of me, even if I seem to be contradicting myself, even if I flat out DO contradict myself in anger and hurt. I’m far from a perfect person. Fandom is deeply important to me, it’s a major part of my life and often something I find beautiful, and at the end of the day I want what’s best for the people in it.  I wish I had a simpler answer for you, anon. 

#tw ableism #tw transphobia #ableism #transphobia #sia music #Anonymous #half the time i barely understand myself but i'm trying my best to be a fair person #i am a tired bean who analysis my own beliefs every day of my life but i swear i'm doing my best

[betweenthetimeandsound]

Three Minutes to Eternity: My ESC 250 (#230-221)

#230: Dschinghis Khan -- Dschinghis Khan (Germany 1979)

"Die Hufe ihrer Pferde, die peitschten im Sand Sie trugen Angst und Schrecken in jedes Land Und weder Blitz noch Donner hielt sie auf"

"The hoofs of their horses, they lashed in the sand They carried fear and horror in every country And neither flash nor thunder stopped them"

One of my favorite songs to jam to is Boney M's "Rasputin". A disco-influenced song about the life of "Russia's greatest love machine", it's energetic while telling that of a myth. I mention this because Dschinghis Khan is compared to this often, in all the ways.

Only this time, it's about the great conqueror Chinghis Khan, who took over the whole universe (and lasted for a very long time). From how he struck fear across the steppe to fathering seven children in one night, he is seen as the embodiment of masculinity.

While entertaining, sometimes I'm put off by the gimmickry. It can be argued that it wouldn't age that well today, because it can be seen as culturally appropriative or mocking Mongolian culture. But for what it's worth, it's enjoyable and still a classic today.

Personal and actual ranking: 4th/19 in Jerusalem

#229: Louisa Baïleche -- Monts et Merveilles (France 2003)

“Oh, mon amour Où es-tu, mon amour?” “Oh, my love Where are you, my love?”

A definite case of love at first listen for me—Monts et Merveilles is a calming ballad, albeit with sad lyrics about the end of a relationship. The instrumentation is quite nice; it reminds me of songs that stood out on the charts during that time. It also had the "ethnic style" percussion in the bridge, which made me think that France Televisions wanted to mix what worked in the last two years (ballads) with the ethnic sounds from the 1990s (as Louisa is half Kablye, an Algerian ethnic group)

Despite it, it got a pretty low result—though it may be because 2003 was a stronger year songwise compared to the two years that came before it. Or it maybe because of the hair getting into her face that took away from the experience...

Personal ranking: 5th/26 Actual ranking: 18th/26 in Riga

#228: Hakol Over Habibi -- Halayla (Israel 1981)

"הלילה, הלילה, יהיה זה הלילה נאמר דברים שלא אמרנו מעולם"

"Tonight, tonight, it will be the night We’ll say things we’ve never said before"

On a random note, whenever I would search up Idan Raichel's "Hakol Over", Hakol Over Habibi would be one of the first search items that pop up. I would completely ignore it until now, when they actually participated in Eurovision!

That said, Halayla is very groovy song which plays with the disco vibe of the 1970s and the highly energetic choreography that would define 1980s Israeli Eurovision entries. The instrumentation is quite awesome, with the mix of piano, strings, and I think accordion setting up the vibe. (And it switches well from minor to major and back again , which can go awry when done wrong).

The members seem to have a ball on stage, and Kikki looks beautiful in her dress, which was fitted that way because she was pregnant at the time!

Personal ranking: 5th/20 (though it jumps around often...) Actual ranking: 7th/20 in Dublin

#227: Wind -- Laß die Sonne in dein Herz (Germany 1987)

"Manchmal bist du traurig und weißt nicht warum Tausend kleine Kleinigkeiten machen dich ganz stumm Du hast fast vergessen wie das ist, ein Mensch zu sein Doch du bist nicht allein"

"Sometimes you feel sad and you don’t know why Thousands of little reasons are making you dumb You nearly forgot what it’s like to be a human being But you are not alone"

Wind has the interesting distinction of participating three times and coming in second twice out of those three. The first one, "Fur Alle" was seen as such as a big contender that there were bets made against it winning. And then it didn't.

Laß die Sonne in dein Herz didn't come that close to winning in 1987, but I can argue it's the better song of the the three.

It catches you right away with the reggae influences, which creates a relaxed vibe throughout the song. It builds up well with every key change--it does get repetitive at times (especially with the choruses), but never boring. And while it shares a similar theme to Fur Alle, it doesn't come off as either derivative or charitys-single like.

(That said, I did grow to like Fur Alle eventually, but this one was more instantaneous.)

Personal ranking: 7th/22 Actual ranking: 2nd/22 in Brussels

#226: Charlotte Perrelli -- Hero (Sweden 2008)

“This is a story of love and compassion Only heroes can tell.”

The better Charlotte song, in my opinion. The song she won with, “Take Me to Your Heaven” is a complete vintage track, almost influenced by ABBA-nostalgia going on at the time. “Hero” , while still on the same schlager vein, modernizes the production a little bit, to the point I imagine it would be a good pop song of that era.

Alongside that, Hero has some compelling lyrics, one which could summarize the hero's journey in general. I wouldn't be surprised if somebody were to write a Eurovision jukebox musical, they would use this in some format.

That may be the case on why l like it better, but it could also be because it should’ve done better in the contest. The fact the jury wildcard saved Charlotte is a reason why they're around, but the fact there was a wildcard which kicked out the actual tenth placer (North Macedonia's Let Me Love You) could be totally flawed too.

Personal ranking: 6th/43 Actual ranking: =18th/25 (with France) in Belgrade

#225: Carlos Paião -- Playback (Portugal 1981)

“Podes não saber cantar nem sequer assobiar, Com certeza que não vais desafinar, Em play-back, em play-back, em play-back,”

“Maybe you don't know how to sing or even how to whistle But you won't sing out of tune for sure, In playback, in playback, in playback”

This is so modern and infectious it’s unbelievable. From the introduction to Carlos’ biting lyrics to the choreography, it makes one wonder why it got neglected in the voting. 1981 was a strong year, sure, but this song is definitely one of the best of that field.

Playback, as the title suggests, is about the pervasiveness of lip-synching in the music industry. One day, nobody will have to learn how to sing because the playback will save them. They can all focus on the performance without taking note of the song.

It's eerily relevant to Eurovision today, considering we don't use live music anymore and backing vocals can be mimed. I have mixed feelings about the latter, because one side argues it allows different genres of music to appear, but the other argues it reduces artistic credibility. I prefer having live vocals; if a delegation wants to use them on the track (e.g. looping), it should be on a case-by-case basis.

Maybe that's why it somehow made the ESC250 the last two years...

Personal ranking: 4th/20 Actual ranking: =18th/20 (with Turkey) in Dublin

#224: Emma -- La mia città (Italy 2014)

“E dimmi se c’è davvero una meta O dovrò correre per la felicità”

“And tell me if there really is a destination Or I have to run for happiness”

The black sheep of Italy’s post-comeback output, and coincidentally the only song completely chosen internally. That being said, La mia citta is still a good song, and for me it’s better than some of the fan-favorites out there.

Admittedly, I prefer the punchy verses to the chorus, with the latter reminding me of something out of P!nk's discography, but I revel on Emma’s energy and her letter to the city of Rome. We have struggles about the place we are from, but still try to sing its praises when we can!

The staging was a bit tacky at times, but I did like the aesthetics of it—particularly her laurel wreath. Her costume had a good concept also, but is also overdone it in terms of the bejeweled top.

(As for the Sanremo winner that year, Contravento, it feels like a bit of a grower. The clarinet intro really takes one in, but there has to be a whimsical, sweet staging to accompany the hopeful song. Had they done so, a left-side finish would've waited for them)

Personal ranking: 6th/37 Actual ranking: 21st/26 in Copenhagen

#223: Brigitta -- Open Your Heart (Iceland 2003)

“Everything you share with me Turns a little darkness into light And that is how we’re meant to be Truth will keep the light shining brighter”

Also known as, the woman who originally came from Husavik! The difference is that Birgitta was the lead singer of the group Irafar. Open Your Heart reminds me of songs that end up on DCOM (Disney Channel Original Movie) soundtracks—it can actually work in the end, but also in the beginning to introduce the characters and/or their circumstances. The random running order really helped it with being first, haha! Beyond that, it's an optimistic song, helped with the guitar influences which ground it in the era. Plus, the production and lyrics add to this feel, encouraging even the shiest to open up their feelings. Also, I like the flowery aesthetic that Birgitta has, from one in her hair to the larger one (which I think is real?) on her microphone. Personal ranking: 4th/26 Actual ranking: 8th/26 in Riga

#222: Tomas Ledlin -- Just nu! (Sweden 1980)

“Han vill dra iväg, kanske ner till Paris Och hitta äventyret på något vis Inte sitta här på stans konditori Och låta tankarna, bara fladdra förbi” “He wants to go away, perhaps down to Paris And find adventure somehow And not just sitting here at the local café Just letting the thoughts flutter by” The 1980s saw the genre New Wave come to vogue, and Just Nu was a valiant attempt on the genre, especially considering the direction Eurovision would go later. From the opening notes, I got the punkish notes from the instrumentation, and the lyrics definitely add to the feeling of being free from societal expectations, crying out "right now"! (which is funny, because I learned Romanian at one point and nu means no in the language. So I keep thinking it's "just no!" against conformity) Tomas also shows quite the attitude on stage--he just struts into the stage with a boyish charm and kickstarts the song. With his looks and usage of the microphone stand, he portrays this rebellious character well, though the orchestration could’ve been improved with the strings and flute. Personal ranking: 2nd/19 Actual ranking: 10th/19 in Den Haag

#221: Lea Sirk -- Hvala, ne! (Slovenia 2018)

“Moje ime je Lea in/Za vas imam nov lik!” “My name is Lea/ And I have a new character for you!”

I love the opening lines for this song—it immediately sets the tone and has a strong statement alongside it. She's Lea, and she won't let anything down on She asserts that she can’t be sold out, and has a great attitude to accompany the trap beat, which reminds me of a K-pop song for some reason. The staging fits the song to a T--though it didn't need any changes from the NF, haha. As for the fake break, I don't have any strong opinions on it, but it definitely kept up interest for the song. A nicer touch was the Portuguese line in the end. Either way, it was a surprise qualifier in its semi that year, and it was one surprise that I greatly welcomed. Hvala da!

Personal ranking: 8th/43 Actual ranking: 22nd/26 GF in Lisbon

#esc 250 #esc top 250 #esc germany #esc france #esc israel #esc sweden #esc portugal #esc italy #esc iceland #esc slovenia #three minutes to eternity #eurovision song contest

[bokutoblivious]

~Tsukishima Kei~

nsfw headcannon alphabet

A is for Aftercare (what are they like after sex?)

Tsukishima may be an ass, but he will take care of you.

He will probably check to see if you are hurting, and get you some cold water and cold/hot towels if needed

He might also get you something to eat (probably a bowl of cereal) if you're lucky

also, he WILL ABSOLUTELY cuddle you, of course making you be the big spoon so he can make fun of your shortness.

B is for Body Part (what's their favorite body part of their s/o, and vice versa)

Tsukishima has 2, your ears and thighs.

You like his long fingers.

The finger thing is pretty self explanatory.

He likes your ears, because of the way they turn red when you blush, and he also likes to nibble on them to tease the hell out of you.

And, it's obvious why he likes thighs. 1 is kissing them, and number 2 is down below

C is for cum (where do they like to cum? also, whats the consistency?)

HE LOVES CUMMING ON THEM THIGHS, GIRL!

He finds it easier to cum on them without aiming specifically, and also he likes to lick it off for some reason.

Also, it's pretty thin but THERE IS SO MUCH OF IT OH MY GOD

D is for Dirty Secret (uh, a sexual experience or encounter that was weird as shit)

Yamaguchi walked in on him

while he was masterbating

Yams forgot about it but Tsukki never will

E is for Experience (how experienced are they at doing the do?)

Not that experienced, but he learns easily.

Back when you first did it, the only thing he was good at was rough, unsynchronized thrusts. He thought, "if it feels good for me, it must feel good to them"

Sooner or later thought, he got better at it.

F is for Favorite Position (what's their favorite position to thrust and bust?)

Tabletop. Since he is (most likely) taller than you, this puts you at a height where you can do missionary without the struggle.

He also loves it when you wrap your legs around him, so this position is great!

P.S, you dont have to do this on a table. Just a surface that puts you at missionary level. Its basically the same but he doesn't climb on you.

G is for Goofy (are they goofy or serious during the act?)

Serious af. The only time he laughs is when he teases you, or when you make a weird noise trying to hold back a moan.

H is for hair (Does the carpet match the drapes? Also, is it well groomed?)

It is the same color, but a little bit darker.

Also, he usually shaves it all off. He doesn't like hair down there. Its a weird pet peeve of his.

I is for Intamacy (are they romantic during s6?)

Im not sure if you can call it "romantic" during it.

Sometimes hes a real sweetie, but mostly he's just either...

An asshole or

A tease.

J is for Jerk Off (do they masturbate?)

Only if he's stressed. He thinks its awkward to just be like, "damn my dick is hard, TIME TO MAKE A PUSSY-"

When he does it, he puts on music to make sure nobody hears the faps.

K is for Kinks (a kinklord or a vanilla bean?)

Praise kink

Also, he likes to pull hair/get his hair pulled

It shows that you are enjoying whats happening, and it makes him put in more effort.

L is for Location (favorite place to do the do?)

Bedroom. Somewhere alone.

If he ABSOLUTELY had to do it in public, he would pick a car.

Its the right place where nobody will hear the noises, but they will know something is going on in that car.

M is for Motivation (what gets them all hot and bothered?)

Praise

Literally nothing more

Just praise.

O is for Oral (do they like giving or receiving?)

To be honest, he really doesnt have a strong opinion on either.

Hes fine on getting head or giving head, but he really just likes good ol' cock in pussy action the best.

P is for Pace (are they a fucking speed demon or a slow and steady type?)

I don't know if this makes sense, but he's really fast, but sensual.

He like, goes fucking speed run in you but he makes sure it's not painful, but enjoyable.

BUT IF YOU WANT HIM TO GO ROUGH, BE CAREFUL.

He will literally make you pass out if you want.

Q is for Quickie (opinions on those?)

ew no

who do you think Tsukishima Kei is?

oK he will give you a quickie with his fingers.

R is for Risk (do they like to experiment or not?)

Yes.

If he hears (or sees) anything that seems like it would work with you two, he will probably ask

But he won't try to convince you if you say no.

S is for Stamina (how long can they go for?)

About 2 rounds, because my bb gets tired easily

He will still tease the shit out of you after, though.

T is for Toys (do they own any? are they for them or their s/o?)

Im just gonna say it.

He owns a whip.

Nothing else but a kinky ass black leather whip.

U is for Unfair (are they a tease or a sneeze?)

Not as much of a tease as Kuroo, but HE IS SO A TEASE

He teases you about anything and everything, your height expecially.

V is for Volume (what sounds do they make? are they loud or soft?)

Tsukishima is a natural moaner, and hes ashamed of it.

He tries to hold it back, but it usually just comes out like a long, soft groan/grr thing.

One time he moaned REaLLY LOUD and it scared you and you had to stop because you laughed so hard.

W is for Wild Card (random nsfw headcannon)

He tried to whip you during foreplay, and ended up whipping his leg sO HArD and he couldn't play volleyball for about 3 days.

Serves him right for trying to pop our ass open like a balloon.

X is for X-Ray (are they packing or lacking?)

Its literally just like him

Long and skinny

Its like, 6 1/2 inches but

THAT SHIT IS SKINNY

the length is all there, but his dick is about as thick and a boiled hotdog.

No, but just saying. The girth isnt there.

Y is for Yearning (how big is their sex drive)

He doesnt have a high one.

His mind is too focused on other things to think about pounding you into the bed

bUT when the sex drive hits him, he's such a fucking horndog istg

Z is for Zzz (how fast do they fall asleep after sex?)

He stays awake for about an hour.

Not because he's trying or he's taking care of you

He was full of adrenaline and he's trying to calm down.

But if you get him to lay down, and snuggle him like a teddy bear, he will fall asleep in like, 30 minutes.

why was this fun to write-

why am i suddenly addicted to writing smut-

#haikyuu alphabet #haikyuu imagines #terushima yuuji #ushijima wakatoshi #akaashi keiji #tanaka ryuunosuke #nishinoya yuu #sugawara koushi #why am i so good at this #haikyuu tsukishima #tsukishima scenarios #haikyuu smau #haikyuu!!

[rustyparker]

Relationship building - All of "em for Sofia ;)

Send ⭐️ (or multiple) for a headcanon about our muses. 

I have a headcanon where she chooses the titles for all of his songs. 

Send ☎ for your muse’s info in my muses phone (name, ringtone, picture, last text received/sent). 

Name: Wifey 😍 Ringtone: In Your Eyes - The Weeknd Picture: 

Last texts sent: 'hey tiny you left your underwear in my room...im keeping it’

Send 🎼 for a song that reminds me of our muses. 

Save Your Tears - The Weeknd (YES it’s another Weeknd song he just has a LOT of songs that fit them ok)

Send 👋 for three things that describe our muses relationship. 

Having bad parents, tons of sex, endless drama.

Send 👂 to overhear my muse talking about yours. 

“I think she’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me man, like I feel high when I’m with her. Well...I mean I’m high, but it’s not just the drugs, y’know? It’s her.”

Send 😍 for my muse to tell yours three things they love about them. 

“Her face, her boobs and her ass. I mean...have you seen her? Oh, you’re talking personality wise...she’s got a lot of that, yeah. She’s a sweet girl, y’know. Will do anything for people. She’s like the opposite of selfish. Very cute too, when she smiles. She has a cute laugh, I love that. And she’s a good mother, prolly the best mom I’ve seen. And- man shut up, I’m not finished! Fuck your three thing rule! She makes bomb ass pancakes, and she’s got good taste in music. She can dance, she’s a great teacher...” *rambles on for about an hour while the interviewer quietly regrets asking the question*

Send 💤 for my muse to say something about yours in their sleep. 

“C’mon baby...just lemme videotape it...I won’t show nobody...I just wanna look at it later...”

Send 📖 for my muse to read out an entry in their journal/diary about yours. 

I don’t like journals but the therapist at the rehab center told me it was good to keep track of my thoughts, thanks Larry, you fucking clown, what if I got nothin to write about? 

I guess I do have one thing to write about, my girlfriend still doesn’t wanna come visit and it sucks, I hate that I did this to her, and I hate that if somebody handed me a pipe right now, I’d prolly do it again. That’s why I’m in here, even tho we’re about to have a baby, I can’t stop hurting her or myself, it’s like something takes over me, feels like there’s somethin wrong with my brain. 

Her aunt does visit me and she said that Sof loves me too much and that’s why she can’t come. That is some bullshit!! How you gonna say you love me but you can’t come see me?? She’s pregnant now too, so I know she needs me to be there, I think she’s doing this to punish me, it’s working I guess, I’m pretty fuckin miserable.

Send ✉ for a written letter from my muse. 

Hey tiny,

My therapist said to write you a letter but I should let him read it before I send it to you. I want to say I’m sorry for getting so angry when you left the facilite facility, I shouldn’t have cussed at you and stuff, I was in a dark place and I took it out on you, but I’m doing a lot better but I’m working on things now and they’re helping me with my anger issues and stuff my addiction. I hate being in here I wanna come home to you and do better, for the baby, to not use drugs as much not use drugs at all anymore to get sober. You should come I want you to come I would love if you came to visit, will you think about it?? And maybe answer the phone, you don’t even have to talk if you don’t want, I will just talk to you and the baby. Miss you both

- Russ

Send📱for a voicemail my muse left yours.

“Are you fucking serious? Voicemail again, really Sofia? Fuck you, you know. I’m trying here. You can take a fucking phone call. You think I’m gonna get better with you ignoring me? It’s been three weeks since we talked, I got shit to say! You don’t even wanna talk to me?! You just gonna ignore me the whole time I’m here?!”

Send 🌀 for my muse’s reaction to getting stuck in a storm with yours. 

*covers her from the rain with his body because he has no umbrella*

Send 🍺 for my muses drunk reaction around yours. 

“Baby...you’re the most hottest babe I’ve ever seen...and I wanna look at you for hours. Matter a’fact, c’mere-” He reached out and grabbed her wrist, pulling his scantily clad girlfriend into his lap. “I wanna touch you for hours too”, he husked in her ear, running both of his large hands down her breasts and untying the little knot that was holding the front of her blouse together.   

Send 💰 for your muse to ask mine for money. 

Pre-fame Russ: “Sorry babe, I’m broke too.”

Post-fame Russ: “Sure, here’s $1000.”

Send ✔️ for a daydream my muse has had about/involving yours.

After struggling to come up with a chorus for his latest song for about an hour, Russ finally put aside his guitar out of frustration. Seeing no other solution than to take a break, he lit up a blunt and leaned back comfortably on the sunken couch in his apartment. He closed his eyes for a moment, letting himself drift away into daytime fantasies. Fantasies of a big, shiny stage with red curtains. He was usually the one up there, but tonight he was watching the show. As the curtains rose, Sofia entered the stage like a true star, clad in a shiny, glittering outfit that showed off every delicious curve on her body. She exuded confidence as she strutted across the stage, perhaps more confidence than even the real Sofia possessed, and he could not take his eyes off this electrifying version of her. As she did her flawless dance routine, clothes were magically flying off her body and she was left wearing nothing but a pair of red high heels. The spotlight followed her every move as she descended the steps from the podium and entered the crowd of one. It was just him, the show was for his eyes only. Just as she was about to finish her routine by giving him a lapdance, his daydream was interrupted by his phone buzzing. “Goddammit”, he cursed under his breath as his eyes shot open and he was back in his room. Back in reality. 

Send 👀 for my muse to compliment yours

“Sof, babe, you’re really skinny.”

Send 💋 for how my muse would seduce/flirt with yours. 

Give her lots of attention, mostly. He knows she likes that the most. Gifts too, and songs, but most importantly attention.

Send 😙 for my muse’s reaction to yours being super affectionate. 

Depends on which time. In the beginning it doesn’t make sense to him, but then when they’re dating and further along in the relationship, it feels more natural and enjoyable. 

Send 🍵 and my muse will reveal one of their biggest regrets involving yours.

“Lying. I lied a lot to her, I guess. I regret that, yeah.”

 Send 😶 and my muse will confess to something they wish they didn’t do that affected your muse.

“I guess I cheated on her. I mean...I barely remember it ‘cause I was fucked up, but...I guess she was real sad about that. So...yeah, if I could take it back I would do it.”

#pomeqraniqht #headcanon #meme

[fart-gate]

SG1

Season 4 episode 16

"2010"

Notes by me

- cant believe 2010 was only about a decade ago. Is this episode about time travel

- ew is sam on a date and its NOT Jack

- "honey" you guys disgust me

- "I thought wed be on our second child" SECOND??? They have a kid???

- im guessing this episodes takes place in 2010

- this guy weirds me out for some reason and I cant watch them kiss

- stargate travel is all the rage in 2010

- why is Kinsey the president. They wanted america to suffer?

- omg is Jack dead

- the Ashen

- ok tealcs mascara on POINT💅

- daniels eyebrows have not parted from each other in 4 seasons. Forever confused

- "to general hammond" nooooooooo

- this future sucks

- he died six yrs ago so 2004?

- someone mentioned Jack is alive and my heart works again

- fraiser is illegally pretty in this episode

- the little kiss Sam gives Daniel and tealc 💖💖

- 3 yrs shes been trying for a baby :(

- her ovaries are damaged but like wouldnt you be able to tell? Weird discharge or no period or weird colored period, something like that? Idk im not a doctor

- this Molem guy is creepy

- no babies!!!!!!

- okay so they met the Ashen in 2000 and they gave them an anti aging potion but it was secretly stopping everyone from having kids? Its evil but hey its a good plan

- THEY MURDERED HAMMOND ITS TIME TO KILL SOME ALIENS

- "we dont even control the stargate" they met these strangers from another planet and gave them control over literally the most important thing on earth smh

- its time travel time! To the batmobile!

- her white outfit🙌

- beard!Jack is hot and u can block me if you think other wise

- P4C970 is where the Ashen are from. When u send a msg back, tell them to delete it from the database or no babies

- jack: let's see how many ways i can say "told you so" without actually saying it

- "and the single most pressing issue I have.....is whether or not to get a dog"

I would pay to see Jack owning a dog

- they could even be a K9 unite for the air force. Bring the dog on missions. He can name him Homer

- he also needs a dog for emotional support

- ok ok Jack being petty and jealous about sams boyfriend is NOT cool

- they turned my mountain into a museum those bastards

- rating the disguises:

Daniels black fedora, black jacket, and dark sunglasses~ 9/10 the call back to Back to the Future was enjoyable but ultimately ruined by the shirt underneath. Never the less, very good

Sam's dark sunglasses~ 4/10. Its just a pair of sunglasses Sam step up your game oh my god

- 27 bucks for a selfie wit the gate what a ripoff

- jacks baseball cap and sunglasses~ 5/10 I gave him an extra point for adding the hat but ultimately still a very poor disguise and realistically they would get caught in seconds.

- Okay how about I give him 6/10 an extra point just for showing up ok are you happy????

- when Walter walks in and Jack pauses for a whole ass minute. 10 bucks he forgot his name

- are they gonna rob the Oval office bc I am here for that shit

- "uh....wal...ter" someone owes me 10 bucks

- "last time i was in the Oval office I got kicked out" aksbsidhrbr what did he do

- how on earth can Daniel recognize his own handwriting??? I cant even recognize when I spelled something wrong

- actually i had a handwriting fight to the death with my dad once and he couldnt even read what i wrote so maybe im just bad at this

- JOES A BITCH I did not see this coming

- the sun table is really cool

- "to who"

"To WHOM"

Grammer Nazi

- OKAY BRO YOU DONT OWN HER. THIS ENTIRE PLAN WAS HER IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE. SHE CAN DO WHAT SHE WANTS. WHAT THE FUCK

and hes talking To Jack like hes in charge and can tell her what to do when hes retired and he literally can't????? And joes talking to him and not Sam as if none of this was her idea?????hello???????

"This is none negotiable " SHUT THE FUCK UP

- "the sun is...beeping" someone help Daniel

- they are trying to be secretive and sneaky and Jack just has a bright ass orange bag full of weapons

- "melon!"

"Molem"

"Oh right"

- "I'm sorry but you'll have to let me have it"

"Very well"

*proceeds to shoot him point blank*

- you couldnt have taken the stairs Jack. You had plenty of time to take the stairs. But no of course mister Drama had to have a ZIPLINE

- oh god???? They all died??? To send this msg back to themselves??? And they sacrificed everything??? Their lives everything theyve done in the past 10 yrs?????? Im having a breakdown

- omg im gonna cry it worked

- the shot of Jack alone in front of the gate 🔥

- "I wonder"

NOTHING. NO CURIOSITY. NOBODY IS REMOTELY FREAKED OUT BY SOME OMINOUS NOTE COMING FROM THE FUTURE. Sam's not wondering HOW their future selves got the note back? Jacks not wondering why the note was covered in blood??? Daniels not wondering what evil could possibly be on that planet that their future selves went to such drastic measures??? They dont have enough questions

~

Whump under the cut

Sg1 team whump: all shot by lasers, all fall to the ground, all death scenes, less than 2 minutes long, overlayed with music, barely any noise from any of them. More emotional whump thruout episode, mostly sam, teary eyed in one scene.

🎶Listening to Give Me The Future by Bastille🎶 just thinking about Sam and 2010!Sam and the latter sacrificed her life for the world and her old self. "Now nothing is certain.....and the song isnt done....."

#stargate season 4 #sam whump season 4 #daniel whump season 4 #jack whump season 4 #tealc whump season 4

[mikumutual]

answers aa themed questions nobody asked because i’m cool and sexy

also i havent played the 5th or 6th games so

YOUR FAVOURITE…? 1. Favourite Ace Attorney game? honestly? phoenix wright ace attorney! everything’s fresh, there aren’t many weak characters, and the plot is remarkable (especially the fifth case). the whole trilogy is really good as one unit though 2. Favourite case? 1-4, 1-5, 2-4, and 3-5 are tied lol, i can’t make a decision to save my life. 2-1 is really really funny tho 3. Favourite defendant? as a defendant, lana skye. as a person, edgeworth 4. Favourite prosecutor? as a prosecutor, franziska von karma. as a person, edgeworth 5. Favourite ship? wrightworth obviously... ive probably put more thought into them over the last 3 years than any other ship 6. Favourite victim? probably mia fey or gregory edgeworth... but for non-relevant victims, neil marshall :( 7. Favourite murderer? shelly de killer, i LOVE that guy. but dee vasquez was very cool as well 8. Favourite assistant? maya fey!!!!!!!!!! but i like kay faraday a lot too (im so sorry ema) 9. Favourite witness? adrian andrews... or maybe iris? i mean i didn’t like iris but god what a person 10. Favourite quote? “It doesn't matter how many underhanded tricks a person uses... The truth will always find a way to make itself known. The only thing we can do is to fight with the knowledge we hold and everything we have. Erasing the paradoxes one by one... It's never easy... We claw and scratch for every inch. But we will always eventually reach that one single truth. This I promise you.” - Miles Edgeworth i made this one of my senior quotes :]

YOUR LEAST FAVOURITE…? 11. Least favourite Ace Attorney game? uh fucking apollo justice. literally what the hell was that 12. Least favourite case? turnabout visitor wasn’t very strong? i guess it’s fine as an intro, but it’s also wonky with the timeline of aai 13. Least favourite defendant? max galactica. he’s better in the anime though 14. Least favourite prosecutor? manfred von karma, obviously. i like every other prosecutor (who i know of) though, even winston payne is pretty funny in hindsight 15. Least favourite ship? “miles edgeworth/female oc”. there are a lot of bad ships though, mostly involving phoenix & his assistants. dont do that please 16. Least favourite victim? zak gramarye for kickstarting that shitty, shitty game 17. Least favourite murderer? again mvk... but also fucking frank sahwit LMAO 18. Least favourite assistant? i guess trucy 19. Least favourite witness? fuck everyone from turnabout big top unless it was the anime episode 20. Least favourite memory of Ace Attorney? repeatedly trying and failing to download the emulator for aai2 hbjsjhdb i eventually got it but someone had to send me the download fully pre-patched and i felt kinda useless DO YOU PREFER…? 21. Phoenix Wright or Apollo Justice? phoenix wright. fuck that “GOTCHA!” mechanic jesus christ 22. Maya Fey or Trucy Wright? maya fey. nothing personal against trucy but i just dont like aj hbjsdjhsdb also maya is really sweet and fun and she has the best sprites. she seems like she’d be a good friend, it’s too bad that she doesn’t have the time for them as a spirit medium and all :( if maya ema and kay got to hang out together itd be wild 23. Investigations or trials? trials are easier in my opinion because investigations have several things you could be doing without such a linear style, so if you miss something, you won’t really know until you wander around forever 24. College Phoenix or Hobo Phoenix? college feenie!!!!! he’s like trilogy feenie but more emotional and less witty. i like to pretend that hobo phoenix doesnt exist 25. Klavier Gavin or Kristoph Gavin? who would say kristoph 26. Ace Attorney or Ace Attorney Investigations? ace attorney but only because phoenix is in it lmao. im actually rewatching a playthrough of aai now, and playing aai2 at the same time, so while it is on the mind, i feel like the cases characters and mechanics - while loved - don’t hold up to the OGs 27. Apollo’s perceive, Phoenix’s magatama, or Athena’s Mood Matrix? i actually kinda like the mood matrix more than anything because it has a really good UI and the magatama is kinda grating. but FUCK the gotcha mechanic it is SO FUCKING STUPID and IMPOSSIBLE TO USE.  where is logic chess 28. Ace Attorney trilogy or Apollo Justice and Dual Destinies? you already know my answer to this one 29. 3D models or sprites? i do like the 3d models a lot but i like the original sprites more! imo original pixel sprites > 3D models > HD sprites. mostly bc the hd sprites are garbage (see here, here, and here) 30. Ema Skye as she is in Rise from the Ashes or Ema Skye as she is in Apollo Justice? rfta !!!!!! shes actually really nice as an assistant, esp considering the fact that we actually see her interact with her sister, which is something maya didn’t have very often. also her random appearance in aai was well appreciated by me

MISCELLANEOUS 31. Did you like what they did to Phoenix in Apollo Justice?

NO I AM SO FUCKING MAD WHY WOULD THEY DO THAT TO HIM ISN’T HE A LAWYER WHY COULD HE NOT JUST DEFEND HIMSELF FROM THE FACT THAT HE “FORGED EVIDENCE” IT WASN’T EVEN HIS IN THE FIRST PLACE SOMEBODY ELSE FORGED IT AND HE DIDN’T KNOW THAT, MANFRED VON KARMA GOT AWAY WITH A FUCKLOAD OF NONSENSE AND SO DOES EVERY OTHER LAWYER SO WHY IS IT THAT PHOENIX CAN SURVIVE EATING A POISONED GLASS NECKLACE AND GETTING HIT OVER THE HEAD WITH A FIRE EXTINGUISHER AND FALLING FROM A BURNING BRIDGE INTO A RUSHING RAVINE AND BEING HIT BY A CAR BUT HE CAN’T FUCKING DEFEND HIMSELF LIKE HE DOES IN EVERY OTHER CASE BECAUSE THAT’S THE POINT OF THE GAME AND ALSO HIS ENTIRE CHARACTER

32. Your opinion on Dai Gyakuten Saiban? haven’t played it! it looks pretty cool though

33. Do you think Dai Gyakuten Saiban and/or Miles Edgeworth Investigations 2 will get localised to the West? doubt it, since the creators have said that it won’t be. but the fan translations are pretty good, so i think it’s okay

34. Do you think Miles Edgeworth should get another Investigation-game or do you think another character deserves a spin-off? i mean he already has two, so i guess he doesn’t need another? like i love edgeworth but he’s not as fun without phoenix around. ngl i would play a franziska game. or a maya game, or any spinoff revolving around a side character. hell i’d play hotti game if it meant it took place in the trilogy era

35. Opinion on the soundtrack of the Ace Attorney-franchise? REALLY good. really really good. i love how each game of the trilogy has different composers but each track has the same theme and feel!!!

36. Do you like where the franchise is heading or did you prefer the atmosphere in the original trilogy? seriously absolutely completely prefer the trilogy. i’m sorry but the rush of youth and trust is way, way more enjoyable than whatever “i’m 35 and therefore middle aged” nonsense is happening in the 2020s

37. Capcom suddenly announces that Phoenix will no longer appear in the Ace Attorney franchise! Your reaction? He’s been replaced by Penny Nichols. Fuck you.

38. Capcom suddenly announces that the Ace Attorney franchise has ended for good! Your reaction? it was me i ended it

39. Would you like there to be another Ace Attorney/Professor Layton crossover game? i didnt play it but i really like the idea!!!!!! aa crossover games are really funny to me, i mean have you seen edgeworth in project x zone 2, lmao

40. Would you like an Ace Attorney anime? we have one now! honestly i don’t think it did a very good job of representing the cases, but it did do a good character remix of turnabout big top so that they’re not creepy anymore. they also did a really good job with the anime-specific cases, like the one on the train! it feels a lot better paced when it’s intended for that medium rather than just adapted.  also the childhood episodes made me cry

41. Opinion on anime cutscenes in Ace Attorney? like in 5 and 6? mm, the art style is kinda weird, and i don’t really like the voices, but i guess not everything can be pachinko and prozd

42. Would you want to play an Ace Attorney game where you take on the prosecutor’s role? YEAH ACTUALLY!!!!!! it might be kinda weird being on the right side of the screen though lmao

43. Do you like having DLC in Ace Attorney-games? uhhh i hate having to buy extra things, but i’ll admit that they are pretty funny

44. Opinion on Lamiroir’s storyline? i only played aj so if shes in other games idk but i thought she was fine

45. One thing you think the Ace Attorney games can improve on? stop having creepy characters please. also jesus christ if phoenix and edgeworth arent wearing rings in aa7 i will become the ceo of capcom myself

46. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you like it to be based on an already existing case or would you like an all new storyline? i mean the musical did a pretty good job of adapting existing cases, so it might as well be new. it would be kinda hard to balance the games’ timeline & character development without being repetitive or an au

47. Capcom suddenly announces an Ace Attorney movie! Would you prefer it being live-action, 3D animated or 2D animated? stylized 2D animation, probably? i would want it to feel more like into the spiderverse than an anime, though. in my dream ace attorney movie, they’d just need a high art budget, several plausible deniability wrightworth scenes, and prozd to voice edgeworth

48. If there could be an Ace Attorney crossover with whatever franchise you’d like, which one would you choose? (Does not need to be a video-game franchise) your turn to die is probably closest in characterization, although its premise is more “locked in a room” than the open-world investigation of aa

49. Opinion on recurring witnesses? (Wendy Oldbag, Lotta Hart, Larry Butz, etc.) honestly, i like them a lot! i don’t know why people hate them so much - i mean, i know lotta lied, and wendy is a horrible old flirt, and larry just kinda sucks all around. but they’re also pretty funny to have around! larry is a constant comic relief who reminds you how much better nick & edgey are in comparison, lotta is likeable as a general character (like in 2-4, although yeah, not remarkable), and wendy oldbag is really funny. she’s so fucking funny. none of you appreciate wendy oldbag’s quirks and you are SLEEPING ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

50. Do you think Dual Destinies deserved its M-rating? no idea, holy shit, it got an m-rating? i mean every game before it has had blood violence and very mild swearing, and since DD probably doesnt have anything too sexually risqué, i doubt it deserves a rating any harsher than the rest of the series

okay thanks thats all

#this was fun hbjsdsdj #yea i love the trilogy #also my theme makes all everything lowercase for some reason? so this is probably easier to read on mobile #ace attorney

[dearsadgoat]

recovery

recently, there was a major fire in my city. a little before the fire happened, i went through probably the lowest point in my life i’ve been in thus far. it culminated into one night of forcing myself to break down a number of walls and fake fronts i put up around me. these stood for about 5 years.

during that 5 year period i lied to myself and tried to trick myself into thinking i was something else so i could fit in with my rapidly changing friend groups, both online and in real life. i started distancing myself from a number of things, including shows, interests, and friends. i pushed away mlp for fear that my friends who were now falling out of it would ditch me if i were still into it. i pushed away my desire to learn music because the relationship between my brother and i only got worse as high school went on. i pushed away old friend groups for reasons so stupid i dont remember anymore.

instead of doing videos for fun and my own enjoyment, i started making them with the intention of becoming popular. i was never good at those and i wasn’t willing to learn to make myself better because i only wanted the success. the worst part about this was the fact that i did it for so long i managed to make myself believe that this was what i wanted, to be making low effort gaming videos on youtube well past its peak. because that’s what I thought I was going to “make it” doing. it should be noted i pushed away a group of youtuber friends before this, who may have been able to talk sense into me.

to this day i have only met one other person who makes videos.

fast forward to a few months ago. back in june, i started a new job, the one im currently working, doing lifeguarding at a pool. in july, my friends and i did our annual trip to anime expo, and aside from some incidents it was fun. i went on vacation with my family to arizona, and we saw a number of beautiful sights. i enjoyed it a lot.

however, this is the end of the fun.

anime expo, as always, brought me the panic of being around so many people. it isn’t the volume of people however, im relatively comfortable in a crowd. its the idea that i can look around in any direction and see people probably way happier and in better places in life than i am. look one way, i see a group of attractive people in cosplay that’s way better than mine. look the other way, i see a group of friends all laughing and clearly have shared interests, unlike my friends where we all have kinda splintered tastes so we don’t spend all the time together at conventions.

i spent a good amount of the convention wandering it with my friend mike. we went as Haru and Rin from Free, him being Haru, me being Rin.

around that time i was having major self image issues. i gained a good amount of weight the months prior, and i couldn’t lose it no matter what i tried, and consistently going to the gym, doing workouts given to me by professionals showing me no change killed my motivation. i couldn’t get myself to even go anymore come june.

so when mike was stopped by 10+ people (i stopped counting after a while) for pictures and to compliment him on his cosplay, meanwhile outright ignoring me, i started feeling like my image issues weren’t just “in my head” like i’d been told. despite this i tried my best to ignore it and move on. except i couldn’t.

the other cosplay i did was a crossplay of Mako Mankanshoku from Kill la Kill. I actually had the right length/hair color for Mako’s hair, so I saved money on a wig and got it cut like hers. the hair actually looked fine in context of the cosplay, however the cosplay in the context of anything was atrocious.

i couldn’t fit into the seifuku i bought, despite being sure to buy a size much larger than what you’d expect. trying to ignore my brain telling me im a fat fuck i improvised with a white shirt and a light blue neckerchief. with the wrong color shoes, basic shirt, neckerchief, basic skirt, and my hair cut instead of a wig, i was the definition of awful cosplay.

i hyped up finally being able to crossdress in public to myself for months. i’ve wanted to crossdress publicly since i was 15. at no other convention in the past did i have the courage. i got rid of pretty much all body hair, and upon finally being able to do so, i thought it was everything i wanted.

looking in the mirror showed me i was nothing more than an ugly fatass trying to look cute. i was the fucking person people at conventions take candid photos of and post on tumblr to make fun of. im sure im gonna one day come across a picture of me in that “cosplay” accompanied with some text about how embarrassing i was.

so with now both my cosplays fun sucked out of them by myself, the rest of the convention went on, but i couldn’t fully suppress the idea that i was unhappy.

the arizona trip i’ll save for another post, it’s a complete offshoot with it’s own backstory.

these are nowhere near all of the events i feel caused enough problems for what happens later, just the major ones. also there’s no way i can write every single thing that’s happened to me and contributed to my sad demeanor over the last 21 years.

after that though, the rest of the summer is a blur, i dont remember anything i did, and i don’t remember starting school again. i just know i’ve been going for almost 16 weeks now.

for some reason, a lot of things that didn’t use to bug me have been bugging me. stuff that I thought i’d grown accustomed to seeing, like the ever poisonous anti-male rhetoric that this site likes to parade. i’ve been on tumblr since i was like 13, i’ve seen it, i should be used to it and know to ignore it, right?

i guess not. every post i see related to something meant to make me feel shitty for being a guy takes another chip at me throughout the day. despite my best efforts i can’t forget them.

i just don’t have the energy to put up with stuff anymore, and it really feels like im out of energy to put into caring about things. i’ve been feeling like this since the beginning of the above five year period of not knowing why i wasn’t happy with what i was supposed to be happy with.

eventually we get to one saturday at work. two pools are being used for an event, the third is being rented out for a kids birthday party. im on the tower supervising the party when my best friend kaylie comes to rotate me. we chat for a sec, and as i start to walk off, she says my name. i turn around and she points at the water. no more than 3 feet from where im standing, two kids are wrestling in the water. except they weren’t wrestling for fun, they were wrestling to get on top of one another and drowning each other in the process. mind you, this is the deepest part of the pool and it’s only like 4 1/2 feet deep. I slide in, hoist up both of them, and launch into the caring procedure bullshit.

i get them out, tell kaylie im going to get a towel, and eventually other guards start asking me what happened. all of the sudden people are toting me as being a hero for making my first rescue withing my first year. you’d think that’s something to be proud of, right?

yeah you’d think that.

i felt nothing. all i had was that i was doing my job, and if it were like ten seconds earlier kaylie would’ve got them. i didn’t do anything special.

of course that ended up as a conflict in my mind, and on the way home i bought alcohol and spent the night drinking alone.

fast forward a few more days, and i get home from work. it wasn’t a particularly hard day, or any major thing happened, just a lot of small little things that chipped away at my patience, a few comments made by coworkers that really weren’t asked for, and this and that ultimately led to me driving home at the end of the night upset.

i get home, and think to myself im going to unwind with some video games. i dont remember what happened or what i was playing, but some major thing happened that led to me calmly turning off the game and turning to my computer to stare at it for the next two hours, only occasionally clicking to something new.

nobody tells you what it’s like to break. partly because, they cant. the way i see it everyone breaks differently. every breakdown i’d had up until that point had been loud, angry, and full of jerky motions through teary, blurred eyes. they were like someone kicking over something i was making in one fell swoop.

this time it felt like i watched someone pick away at the foundation until it all started to slide down like sand.

i broke, at first without tears, questioning what i was doing at that moment, and what i was doing in general. nothing made sense. my head couldn’t keep a thought for a moment. i felt like my chest was caving in. i didnt end up eating anything that night. i honestly can’t describe how i felt and what i did, it was such a blur.

i started going on a nostalgia scavenger hunt. something i had seen recently drove me to want to search out the mlp meetup group i used to be a part of. i found pictures of me and my friends at different events back in 2011, 2012, and i started doing what i can only describe as motioning a whimper. as in, whatever you picture when you think of whimpering, only without sound.

I saw pictures of me being happy, truly happy. i hadn’t been truly happy in the last 5-6 years since these pictures were taken. at least not for more than the occasional time.

as if on queue, a friend from one group of friends i changed myself to fit in with messaged me. i asked him if he wanted to take a trip with me, and i spilled everything.

i confessed to being a liar, a poser, a shitty person who couldn’t even tell his friends that he wasn’t everything he said he was. i told him at one point in my life i had actual ambition and ways to achieve success outside of being the scummy piece of shit i’d become when i became friends with them. (please dont misunderstand, they’re good people, i just had a warped sense of what i needed to do to be their friend back then)

he let me angrily type and rant and have a major breakdown to him without interruption for almost an hour, and finally he paused me and started trying to talk me through this.

after he gave me his piece on the matter, i turned to another one of my best friends, jacob. jacob was one of the irl friends i went to meetups with, and we’ve been friends since middle school. we’re closer than anyone else i know i’d bet, even closer than kaylie and i.

because of time differences, our conversation lasted the next two days, basically telling him everything, that i wasn’t happy with myself, that i haven’t been happy with anything for a long time. the only thing that mattered to me in his response was that nothing was different between us. he said he was going to a therapist soon, and said that i should try it. i have not, and i dont plan to for fear of what i might find out. still, everything he said i took to heart and i thank him for it.

at this point, i decided that i could fix all of this, that i could make myself someone i’d like to be. i was going to work hard and no matter what i wasn’t going to break like that ever again. nothing was going to stop me, no matter the odds.

someone up there must love testing my patience.

a week later, the fire happened. within the span of an hour i had gone from coming home from a test, to helping my mom with the recycling, to rushing home because the sky over our house was brown. the next few hours was me running on no food, a sweaty, ash-covered mess, to get everything of importance out of the house. everything that was too hard to replace was taken. as painful as it was it meant leaving behind just about everything that had value to me, as i took only the things that mattered in a worldly view, not a personal view.

God listened to my prayers that day, and the fires burned half a mile from my house, but no closer. The trail i walked a thousand times growing up was no more. it’s about 4 houses down from mine, to give perspective. everything was black and soot, trees stood with burn marks and missing leaves. The creek was dried up. everything is a mess. i walked out and took pictures of it a few days after, just for memory sake.

that day was a test to see whether or not I was actually going to keep my word. i didn’t break that day, despite wanting to often, and i did what was most important for my family.

since then, i’ve shuffled around a lot of different aspects of my life. a lot of things are changing, and im not comfortable with a lot of them. however, these are good changes. i have to make myself uncomfortable to be able to find what i belong to once again.

and i hope and i pray that this is going to be the time i prove to myself i can break out of this

#text post #dear sad goat

[unproduciblesmackdown]

so funnily enough one of the infinite things that could put you in my moms bad graces was to seem like you disliked being around her ever, so i'd try to find ways to make my Mandated Periodic Strategic Quality Time at all actually enjoyable for me, which wasnt always easy, in part because of my moms random Moral Outrage. like her Bad Moods, the degree to which she responded to everyday levels of pg-13ness (or just pg-ness. or g-ness, if it wasnt papally approved) could vary from "entirely reasonable nonreaction" to somewhere between "pearl-clutching" and "carrie's mom." when she found out my 18 yr old brother knew how to unlock the Parental Controls for the tv that restricted certain types of tv-14 ratings and up, she changed the code for it. my legal adult brother. actually now i remember, when i was 18, i think she had a crisis when she realized i knew anything abt the mechanics of sex or that people had it Before Marriage. wonder how much of a blow it wouldve been if she'd found that out when i was a few yrs younger? terrible news. she was a catholic church choir director (and last i knew, a catholic school teacher) so you can imagine the crushingness

anyways, what im trying to say is that we both listened to npr on occasion, but even that could be too risqué. more than once in the car the boring-toned Hourly News Update man would utter the phrase "same-sex" and she'd be wheel of fortune spinning the tuning knob before he'd finished the word and calling it "vulgar," which in itself is sort of disconcerting. when was the last time anyone earnestly called anything vulgar? its not like she was born in 1880. also disconcerting since none of her kids are straight. but the point is that my mom was very sensitive and very into taking a censorshippy approach to life.

so a few yrs back, i get to take a road trip with her. also, just me and her. for a few days. this is like, worst case scenario. i figure maybe something or other abt the trip might be fun, but overall it'll be misery and she'll get mad at me two dozen times and i'd rather not go at all (this'd turn out to be true of course, i actually didnt even bother picking out a destination i actually wanted to go to b/c i didnt want to ruin the experience for myself). but the most dangerous part is having to be in a car for 10 hrs. i had to avoid conversation in as many ways as i could as it'd just be silence on my part and that'd make her mad, and we could only listen to the music she had so many times over, so i had to try looking for a few hr long episodes of npr podcasts to put on her walkman and take up half the trip over. it was such a challenge finding like, six or seven episodes from the full archives of these public radio shows that i didnt think would offend her. (because also if she thought i was endorsing this degeneration, that could be trouble for me. grounded over all things considered. jk i couldnt be grounded coz i had no friends.)

so anyways im scouring these episodes for shows where nobody swears or cracks a joke abt sex or swears or takes the lords name in vain or talks abt sex as something people have or talks about gay people w/o condemnation and disgust or is gay or has non-christian beliefs and mentions them etc etc etc etc. it is surprisingly difficult to find an hrs worth of npr content i could bring along that wouldnt make me look like i was by proxy approving of something on her Oh No No list. but i managed it and also managed to wrangle these podcast downloads onto her walkman, tho they ended up scattered to the winds of the files and had to be searched out at random

the moral is i started her off on a especially solid radiolab episode i figured anyone would enjoy well enough, and she did like it so i figured it was good, and i liked it to so i could actually talk abt it (coz i'll talk to anyone abt things im interested in, even an abuser of mine, its a Monologue on my part every time anyways) and that was good b/c we were stopping for lunch. but what she ended up doing was quizzing me on where i thought the source of human compassion lay & telling me that it was jesus. so, so much for getting a conversational topic out of it. they still took up the car ride time. and on the ride back she was mad with me the whole ten hrs as i figured she'd be, so it didnt much matter trying to keep her happy.

fin

#i was going to visit a pal i'd never got to see before & only for a few hrs as we ended up cutting the trip a bit short coz she decided to #move an appt up or something. i was actually hugely disappointed but kept that bit to myself & she didnt notice or consider it at all #anyways i knew i'd want to hang out w the friend (and not my mom; which is the opposite of hanging out with a friend) & so when we left she #was mad at me for not paying more attention to her. which would be a tad unreasonable even if she wasnt an abusive fucko #anyways. i got to see a toucan on that trip at least. love em