#it clearly hurt them and i don't see the point of dismissing that or how it helps anyone who's 'had it worse'

[theghostofashton]

.

#i just got my hair cut and my hair stylist is indian and we got to talking #and she was telling me how her daughter is being heavily bullied in school rn #how kids tease her bc she has hair on her face and her food smells and all this other stuff #and it made me so sad like this baby is 11 years old and this is the shit she's dealing with in 2023 #nothing has changed from when i was in middle school like a decade ago how is that even real #and it makes me so annoyed to think abt some of these big indian influencers on twitter and ig who scoff at discussions abt this #'stop going on about being bullied for your smelly food you're not special it happened to all of us it's not trauma' and it's like. #that shit has always rubbed me so wrong bc it feels so needlessly dismissive #someone talking about the shit they faced in school being othered by white kids even if you don't find that serious or a big deal #it clearly hurt them and i don't see the point of dismissing that or how it helps anyone who's 'had it worse' #but idk like. i feel like the actual problem has not been addressed at all but now it's embarrassing to talk about it #like who is this helping brown kids are still hurting still being targeted still dealing with all of this #it hurts to be made to feel like you should be ashamed of your culture and where you come from #especially bc the white western world exotifies us and steals our cultural practices ato profit off of #like that's at an all time high rn but white kids are still bullying brown kids like this #it's just. it's so sad my heart hurts so bad for that little girl #i wish this world was different lol #delete later

[oozedninjas]

Can I please get some headcanons of the bayverse turtles and how they act when they see their s/o starts hanging out with a friend who clearly has feelings for them but s/o is a bit oblivious🙏

Ooff! I smell trouble! Can someone keep them away from the knives? Also, I'd like to clarify that I support Donnie in his rights and his wrongs.

Leo

He's initially too cocky to be jealous.

And then you start bringing this person up all the time.

You have a friend whom you watch movies with? Cute.

Oh, you went to a bookstore the other day and then got ice cream Fun! They can take you to public places, haha, not wrenching at all.

He's totally chill about it!

He would be so passive-aggressive about the matter 💀

It's pretty funny watching him struggle to keep composure when all he wants to do is swift his katana across their throat.

"Wait- are you jealous?" you ask at some point, in disbelief.

He snickers.

"Me? Of course not. But you do realize they have feelings for you, right?"

He's so bitter

You snort. "What? No! They're just a friend."

"He looks at you like you're a snack," Leo insisted.

"And am I not?" you tease.

"Yeah, but you're my snack."

Raph

Breaking news! That guy's not your friend anymore.

At least not if you wanna keep him as a boyfriend, because how are you gonna go around hanging out with someone who has feelings for you?

"Come on babe, you're overreacting. He's just a friend."

Oh, he will freakin' lose his cool. Narrowed eyes, deep frown, clenched jaw. All the package. How can you be so oblivious?

"Look, I know it sucks for me to ask this, but, would you stop seeing him?" he would ask, cringing at himself. "It makes me uncomfortable," he added, for once in his life following Donnie's advice, as he was working on being a healthy boyfriend for you.

You smile, touching his cheek, "I would never do something that makes you uncomfortable, Raph. I'll talk to him. I can't promise you I'm cutting contact from one day to the other, but I'll do my best."

Yeah, that's enough.

Donnie

Donnie doesn't follow his own advice.

That guy was glued to your side all the freaking time.

"He's just a friend!"

"Please, even Casey can tell he has feelings for you. You're smart. I don't know why you're the only one who won't see it," he grumbled.

You dismissed it, but Donnie had a master plan to get rid of that prick.

"I'm building this new machine to prevent electrocutions in areas with protruding wires in the lair. I just need to test if the insulating materials work," he tells your friend casually. "Do you want to help me test it?"

And what you see in the future of that interaction is your friend electrocuted.

"Donnie, hun, can we talk?"

After you distance yourselves a couple of meters you begin:

"Please tell me you weren't planning to electrocute him."

"As I said, I was just testing my new creation. Any side effects it may have caused would have been a sacrifice for scientific purposes."

"Donnie!"

"Alright! I'm sorry. It bothers me, okay? I can see him lusting for you, and it bothers me. But I didn't want to appear controlling, nor did I want to hurt you by forcing you to cut off a friendship."

You sigh. "No, I'm sorry. I should've known it made you this uneasy. I won't keep it up." you assured.

He gives you a tiny smile. "Thank you."

"No need to. Let's go back," you say before chuckling. "I can't believe you were gonna do that."

Donatello scoffs. "Please, it wasn't gonna kill him."

Mikey

Your best friend is fun to be around! :)

But he has feelings for you :(

And you haven't noticed! Mikey doesn't want to have that conversation just yet.

Yeah, it doesn't sit well with him, but Mikey, you know, he has excellent self-esteem, and he's sure that you love him and him only.

So, while it isn't the most fun situation, he's willing to tolerate this friendship as long as you always give him his place as your boyfriend.

And as long as you and your friend don't hang out alone. Not because he doesn't trust you but because he wants to avoid this friend making a move that might make you uncomfortable.

Such a sweetheart, 10/10

But don't betray him bc he'll dump your ass.

#tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt bayverse #tmnt 2k16 #tmnt x reader #bayverse donnie #bayverse leo #bayverse raphael #bayverse mikey #bayverse turtles #tmnt leo x reader #tmnt raph x reader #tmnt donnie x reader #tmnt mikey x reader #tmnt donatello #tmnt raphael #tmnt leo #tmnt mikey

[litnerdwrites]

Feyre betrayed Nesta in the worst way...

It's a common stance that many people, regardless of if they love or hate Nesta/Rhys/the IC, seem to have, but I don't think it is. Was Nesta complacent in keeping it from her since she found out? Yes. Was that wrong of her? Yes again. Was blurting it out the way that she did also not ideal, to put it mildly? Absolutely yes. But was it out of malice? No.

And Nesta didn't care. Couldn't think around the roaring. 'Have any of them told you, their respected High lady, that the babe in your womb will kill you?' Amren barked, 'Shut your mouth!' But her order was confirmation enough. Face paling, Feyre whispered again, 'What do you mean?' 'The wings,' Nesta seethed. 'The boy's Illyrian wings will get stuck in your Fae body during the labour, and it will kill you both.'

The idea that this was all said in malice just never sat right to me, and after scrolling through some comments on a video discussing the matter, the pieces finally clicked into place. First, let's talk about the hike, though.

Her breakdown after that hike wasn't a moment of catharsis and letting walls down. It was a weeks worth of exhaustion, dehydration and depression that resulted in Nesta giving in to the torture she was put through just to end it. It was a pivotal moment in the IC's efforts to break and then reconstruct her to their liking, or rather, to Feyre's liking. However, a vital stepping stone in reaching this point would be for them to gaslight and isolate her until she truly had no one. I mentioned before that I didn't think anyone in the NC would chose Nesta, and this is an example of why I believe that.

Nesta snarled, but Feyre stepped between them, hands raised. 'This conversation ends now. Nesta, go back to the House. Amren, you...' She hesitated, as if considering the wisdom of ordering Amren around. Feyre finished carefully, 'You stay here.'

Nesta is clearly upset and hurting and Feyre disregards that entierly, not even offering to discuss or find out why Nesta is hurt or feeling the way she is. Feyre didn't bother to try and understand Nesta before and she isn't bothering now. Either Feyre assumes she knows what Nesta is thinking/ feeling, or she just doesn't care. She dismisses her, telling her to go back to her prison, disregarding Nesta's choices, autonomy and opinions again.

If I recall right, it was Amren who informed Nesta that she was free to go where she wanted if she made it down the ten thousand steps. Feyre wouldn't order Amren, even to stand up for her sister, but happily go against Amren's own words to punish Nesta? Hypocrisy at it's finest.

All of this leads to one outcome: Nesta feeling trapped. Cornered and without a single ally in the whorld who would defend her properly. Isolated from anyone who'd be willing to treat her with decency, while believing she doesn't even deserve the basics of kindness. It leaves Nesta more prone to actually going through with committing suicide, since the behaviour of these people, mixed with her own self hatred, sets a precedent for how Nesta believe she'd be treated.

We see this when Nesta first meets Emerie, thinking to herself that 'the invitations would stop' when Emerie learned what nesta was really like. Or at least what Nesta perceived herself to be like.

Even though Nesta has Emerie and Gwyn, she has no reason to think, based on what brainwashing the IC has already done coupled with her self deprecating mindset, that they wouldn't side with the IC. This isn't to say Emerie and Gwyn are like the IC by any means. I think they're great friends to Nesta, and if that changes or not later on is more so up to SJM and her writing, rather than their characterisation. It's the reality that the IC have created for Nesta through abuse, gaslighting and borderline torture that's wound up feeding in to Nesta's already existing trauma and self worth that has lead to her becoming isolated this way.

And Nesta didn't care. Couldn't think around the roaring. 'Have any of them told you, their respected High lady, that the babe in your womb will kill you?'

The comment on the video I saw explained that, while Nesta was angry when saying this, she wasn't trying to hurt Feyre or take her anger out on anyone. Nesta was angry because she wasn't told that she made a new trove. She was angry that these people had the audacity to vote on her life, and take bodily autonomy from her. She was angry that Feyre wasn't acknowledging or even trying to understand how Nesta was feeling. She was angry that she was treated like the bad guy- or more like a petulant child in this scene, I suppose- and had her feelings dismissed again.

Dismissed the way her mother/grandmother used to when she was trained. The way her father did when he refused to hunt. The way the Mortal Queens did when Nesta merely asked them to save her people. The way Feyre did when she asked for Nesta's help again, and again, and again during the war, only for it to never be enough in the eyes of other. The way that Elain did when she got upset at Nesta time and time again for how she handled her trauma or how she wasn't over her trauma or how Nesta tried to protect her. The way Cassian dismissed her feelings when he got mad at her for having an opinion of Rhysand.

Nesta was angry. She had every right to be angry. Most people would be angry, and alone, and if they already had suicidal thoughts like Nesta, having been abandoned by everybody while gaslit into thinking it was fine, and then only called upon to be used for the benefit of others while the snickered behind her back and dismissed her again.

As the commenter put it; She was trying to find someone who would relate to her anger. Nesta wanted an ally, someone who wouldn't leave her alone. Someone to be by her side and, perhaps subconsciously, thought that Feyre, who'd hunted for them and helped look after them for years, would chose Nesta's side.

The parallels between Nesta and Feyre's situation here are clear, and I think Nesta understood that when she said what she said. I think that Feyre believing Nesta said it to hurt her was a gross misunderstanding on her part, but it's not like she ever asked Nesta how she felt. Now that I think about it, for all that Feyre talks about Nesta feeling too much, and taking everything to heart, she never once confirms with Nesta. Never asks how Nesta feels.

Since coming to the Night Court, Nesta's feelings and traumas have been twisted and spoken about only in relation to how Feyre feels.

'Do you know how embarrassed I was when we got the bill this morning and my friends-my family- had to hear all about it?'

The intervention began, not because of Nesta doing something to risk hurting herself, but because Feyre was embarrassed and started crying into her breakfast.

'All of it pains me… It pains me that Nesta has become… this. It pains me that she and Feyre are always at each other’s throats. It pains me that Feyre hurts over it, and I know Nesta does, too.'

Cassian is pained, not because Nesta is suffering so greatly that she isolated herself for her own sisters (who didn't really act like sisters between the end of ACOWAR to... well now, so it's understandable), or because Nesta felt her only reprieve from her pain was in sex and alcohol, but because Feyre hurts over it. He knows Nesta does (but he doesn't know she hates fire? Or is uncomfortable at their social gatherings, since in ACOFS he somehow hoped she wouldn't take the bribe money and say she enjoyed their solstice party??? Because...Why?) But, of course, it's Feyre's feelings on the matter that are prioritised.

'Nesta is Nesta. She does what she wants, even if it kills her sister.'

Rhysand, not that I expect much from him, honestly, is utpse, not because he can't find a way to help Nesta. Not because his court is actively cruel to Nesta, hell, he joins in. Not because Nesta is in pain, in no small part because of him and his court. Not even because Nesta is spending his money. Because she's upsetting Feyre. Because, god forbid, Nesta have trauma and handle it in a way that doesn't make his wife happy.

Feyre tells others how she thinks Nesta feels, the others go with it, or just come to their own conclusions, not sure which is worse, but nobody stops to consider how she feels. Feyre feeling like Nesta said it to hurt her, I think, is simply proof that she doesn't understand Nesta.

Let me ask you, if you found out you were lied to in a way that affects your ability to make informed decisions regarding your own body, by someone you were supposed to trust, and who should've had your back, and that your own sibling has been betrayed by the same people in a very similar, if not identical way, and yet you're the one being turned into the bad guy, and dismissed, would that not make you feel isolated and frustrated?

It's understandable that Nesta tried, either consciously or subconsciously, feel less alone by appealing to common ground to find an ally. Nesta mentions at the end of ACOSF that she believes Feyre loved her from the start, and after those years in the cabin, I think Nesta sees Feyre as someone reliable.

This scene doesn't feels like Nesta trying to hurt Feyre. It feels like Nesta trying to reach out to the one person she could rely on; Feyre. Her mother was abusive, her father was a deadbeat, Elain was her ward, and the IC hate her.

'Nesta studied me for a long moment. And then she said with equal quiet, though we could all hear, “I can’t get into a bathtub, anymore. I have to use buckets.” I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging water…'

Amren tells Cassian to keep reaching out his hand, even though Nesta has reached out her own time and time again. Esspecially to Feyre, as she was the one Nesta relied on before. Possibly even the only person Nesta has ever relied on, and Fyre was the one she was trying to rely on now.

Nesta relied on Feyre, and needed to rely on her again. To have strength together, in a situation where they both lost their choices and autonomy to Rhysand and his (cause don't pretend it's even slightly Feyre's) IC.

It may have been wrong to say it in that way, at that time, under those circumstances, but this, to me, feels like Nesta's way of reaching out her own hand only to be misunderstood, punished, and dismissed again. And again. And again.

In a way, I think Feyre might have, unintentionally, betrayed Nesta in a worse way than Elain ever has. Elain was a ward. Almost like a child, to Nesta. They were never on equal footing. Moreover, Nesta was never punished if she upset Elain, no that she should be, or if Elain misunderstood her. Nesta never relied on Elain the way she relied on Feyre. She never trusted or had faith in Elain, the way she clearly trusted Feyre. She had thought she'd found an ally, with similar pain, in Feyre, in the moments she spilled the secret, but Feyre didn't care.

When I was reading the scene where Cassian told Feyre his idea to take Nesta on a punishment hike, she sounded all too gleeful when telling him how miserable Nesta would be. That, in my opinion, is the worst betrayal of all.

#anti ic #anti inner circle #pro nesta #anti rhysand #nesta deserves better #anti acosf #pro nesta archeron #anti amren #anti mor #anti feyre #anti cassian #anti morrigan #anti rhys

[lazyjellyfish300]

Traitor💔

Miguel O'Hara x Spider-Woman Reader

Synopsis: A blurb detailing your heartbreak from Miguel inspired by some breakup songs. Word count 1.5k ish. Meant to be a one shot. (JK, I MADE AN EPILOGUE)

A/N: had this idea after @prettyinpink350 commented that The Woman He Didn't Choose part 1 reminded them of All Too Well-10 minute version by Taylor Swift. I imagine getting your heart broken by him would SUCK. The man has such a tragic backstory, it would take a long long time to get him to be comfortable with getting hurt again and vulnerable, possibly hurting whoever he's dating or seeing in the process if their expectations don't align. I think that ATSV and the comic version of him are different however, it's possible some of the personality traits would stay consistent and so as a result he might struggle with infidelity. I think he's had his fair share of experiences.

BUT I do still write sweet, fluffy soft Miguel, though. Because I do believe he has a soft side that exists and it's unfair imo to write him off as completely incapable of being a good partner because I believe he can. I imagine it'll be a tough road but he would eventually get there. He's a complex man and I love him anyway. 🫶🏽 Working on DD part 9 and the woman he didn't choose I promise, I've been dead lately in terms of motivation.

TW: MINORS DNI, ANGST, CHEATING (I DON'T CONDONE THIS), HEARTBREAK, BREAKUP, MIGUEL IS MORE COLD IN THIS, SMUT ( IT'S BRIEF, P IN V, DEGRADATION, SPANKING), age gap(reader is 26, Miguel is like 34-35), no happy ending

The songs that inspired this(all rights to rightful owners, some of the lyrics were tweaked slightly):

----

It was her. It was always going to be her.  

🎶I was just the villain built to come between you two. 

I'm just the other point of view. 🎶

It's the movie where the guy gets the girl in the end. She's the one that got away but then comes back into his life, lighting up his world, making him realize his new girlfriend would never come close. 

That all too familiar shift in the way he acted when she moved back into the city. When you noticed how he started looking at you with a gaze that was clearly being stolen by someone else. You decided to ask him about it and he dismissed you with a shake of his head, calling you paranoid. 

🎶Brown guilty eyes and little white lies

Yeah, I played dumb but I always knew🎶

Now he brings her around, almost as though to shut you down on purpose. Showing her off like a brand new trophy. 

If any of the sweet nothings he told you were true, there's simply no damn way that he could have fallen in love again so quickly...

🎶Ain't it funny....🎶

----

But months later

🎶You call me up again just to break me like a promise.🎶

The 1 am call you know you shouldn't answer but you do anyway. 

"She's not here.......Please, I need you."

And there you go, jumping in the shower for a quick rinse and brushing your teeth, speeding towards his apartment like a dumb ass. 

------

"Fuck......FUCK! God baby...so fucking tight.....I missed this pussy, fuck...." 

A shower of sharp spanks land on your ass, one after another, after another as Miguel thrusts his cock into you from behind. 

"Yes.....harder, baby.....HARDER!" 

"Yeah?....You would fucking like that, wouldn't you....Needy little slut....mmmm you like it when I fuck you like this, huh? Can't get enough can you? "Had to come crawling back for more of this cock?"

Every word stings harder than the slaps he's giving you but it's a sick, twisted, erotic feeling. You actually love it. The fact that he's still craving your pussy even though he's supposedly with his dream woman. The fact that you're still on his mind as soon as she leaves. 

The fact that you're in his bed right now, not her. Even if only just for tonight. 

"Fuck....yes.....baby.....can't get enough of you....mmmmm fuck I missed you so much....." 

"Say that again." 

"Missed you so much Miggy...." 

"¿Cuánto?..." (how much)

"So fucking much....I crave you all the time....." 

Miguel lets out a loud groan and you practically scream as he pounds you without mercy into his mattress he shared with the other woman.

Shortly after, you're laying all fucked out, panting as you close your eyes, decelerating from the heavenly orgasm he pulled out of you, only for it to shrivel up when you feel your clothes land in a pile next to your head. 

"She'll be back any minute....you gotta hurry." 

"What?" You sit up, confused. 

Miguel's too busy taking a shower, trying to rid himself of your scent. The damning evidence of someone else in his bed while she was gone. 

You immediately regret ever coming over. 

You're about to rip him a new one but your spider senses tingle. You can feel her ascending the staircase. You throw on your leggings and hoodie and swing away into the night without saying goodbye. 

-----

You let him have it on the phone later. 

"I wish you thought through all of this before you strung me along and made me fall in love with you..." 

Miguel stands outside his apartment, he had to sneak down to take your call as soon as he was sure she was asleep. He tenses his jaw. He feels guilty but there's not much he can do about it now.

"She's older...more mature. I need to be with someone who's able to understand and live with my responsibilities. I shouldn't have given us a chance, but I did because I needed to move on from her.... I can't help that I've known her since we were kids. She gets me."

🎶So casually cruel in the name of being honest. 🎶

"Oh and I don't? I don't Miguel? So all those times I stayed up with you, crying, holding you and promising you I wasn't going anywhere, those didn't happen? Or the fact that I saw you lose it completely multiple times and still called you the next day? The fact that I was willing to let go all the times you let me down because I knew it wasn't your fault and the fate of the multiverse comes before everything else? I literally loved you at your worst, but that didn't matter?"

Silence. 

"Look, I just think that maybe if we had been closer in age, we would've been fine." 

🎶And that sentence made you want to die. 🎶

"That's not fucking fair, Miguel! I'm 26, not a baby! And we spoke CANDIDLY about this when we got together. I NEVER had, not even a HINT that this would be a problem for you, and now you drop it on me right as you tear my heart out?! And it's not even something I can change!" 

You pause, more sobs erupting deep from within your soul. 

"I'm sorry, that the stars didn't align and the timing wasn't perfect and my dad didn't fuck my mom around the same time as yours so I could've been born at a better time. I'm sorry that I tried so fucking hard to be the chill girlfriend who lets you do whatever even though I'm not. I'm sorry that I kept my fucking mouth shut when I knew damn well you were talking to her when we were together just so I could keep you around. I'm sorry that I'm not her..."

The line is painfully silent. 

🎶The idea you had of me, who was she?🎶

"So who's this version of me in your head you envisioned, huh Miguel? The perfect me that would've made you stay. Do I even know her? She's me, but she's not. She's not needy like I am. She's perfect. Has the perfect body, perfect hair, doesn't ever look bad for you. She's intelligent and has all the maturity you claim I don't. She reflects back on you perfectly every little thing you just LOVE about yourself because let's face it, that's the only person you really ever gave a fuck about."

Loud beeps assault your eardrum and you scoff in disbelief. He hung up, and who knows how long you were just talking to a wall. You hurtle your phone at the ground, letting the screen crack as your knees buckle beneath you and hide your face in your hands in despair. 

🎶When she's sleeping in the bed we made, don't you dare forget about the way you betrayed me. 

Cause I know that you'll never feel sorry, for the way I hurt, yeah. 🎶

----

Trying to forget him as the weeks passed by ,albeit agonizingly slow. You find yourself weeping in the HQ bathroom, some girl asking you what happened: 

🎶You. That's what happened, you.  🎶

A few weeks later, a package with all of your clothes arrived at the post office for you so he didn't have to see you face to face. It even contained all of the pictures you took together and the letters you wrote him. He didn't keep a single one. 

You sat in the parking lot for a few minutes as you clutched the Disneyland tickets to your heart, sobbing. The cruel, cruel irony of remembering how you were in the happiest place on earth with him, the place that planted those dreams of happily ever after in that little girl's head, only for her to be crying over a man that stomped it into the ground years later.

Remembering how you walked back, arm in arm to your hotel room together as you leaned into his chest, giggling when you finally got him to admit the park wasn't as dreadful as he thought it would be, despite the ridiculous price tag. He only wanted to make you happy. 

🎶I remember it all too well. 🎶

Your lip trembles when you find the Mickey Ears you bought for him lying in the box. "Miguel" cross-stitched in curly gold writing on the back. 

Your red scarf from that first week together hung in the corner of his closet until your scent wore off. He would eventually have the gall to offer it to her one December night when she was shivering, saying that it was his mother's. 

----

Your tears make your vision blurry as you drive down the dark, rain soaked streets of Nueva York. 

You know his street is coming. 

When you do finally pass it, you use all your strength to keep your gaze straight ahead, the faded letters on his street sign disappear rapidly behind you as you take a deep breath, and head on home. 

----

Epilogue

#miguel o'hara #miguel atsv #spotify #miguel ohara #miguel x reader #miguel o'hara x reader #atsv miguel #miguel o'hara smut #across the spiderverse #miguel o hara angst #miguel o'hara angst #miguel o'hara imagine #miguel o hara x y/n #miguel o'hara x fem!reader #miguel ohara x fem!reader #Spotify

[etaleah]

Absolutely sucks that your blog is ravaged with proshipping apologia. Like yeah enjoying dark subject matter in fiction doesn't mean you condone it IRL (I myself am an avid gore and kink fan and use that to express my feelings in art) but uhhh there's a difference between depicting pedophilia in a story and actively jacking it to child porn which is what most if not all proshippers are trying to justify.

The Venn diagram between proshippers and anime lolicons is a circle. "Ohhh it's not real" yeah sure technically but that's still very much a child being raped on screen you're getting your rocks off to. Being in the second dimension doesn't negate that.

Most proshippers don't actually care about properly depicting complex subject matter in art. They just wanna write their incest rape South Park fics and call anyone who calls them out on it "puritans." (I doubt any of you really understand what that word means. If not liking child porn makes me a puritan then call me the Virgin fucking Mary.) It's all excuses, excuses.

Fiction affects reality more than you think. It's why propaganda is so effective. It's why Jim Crow and minstrelsy was (and still is tbh) so harmful to African Americans. Why do you think POC care about how they're depicted in media so much? It very much influences thinking, how people see the world.

(There is an argument to be made about the rampant racism in fandom, but that's a whole other conversation.)

Don't dismiss this ask. I want you to read it very carefully and get yourself out of the echo chamber you've put yourself in. Consider the points made at the very least. Use the "critical thinking" you claim to love so much.

I have considered the points you made and read them very carefully, and I have found them incorrect, relying on faulty logic, and full of unverified assumptions and false equivalences. I now bring you a full breakdown of exactly why, though I’m putting it under a cut in case anyone wants to avoid the Discourse™ because this breakdown is a long one.

*cracks knuckles* Here we go!

You clearly have a different definition of “proship” than I do. I and those that I have reblogged or liked (as far as I can tell) are “proship” in the sense that we’re arguing for the freedom to read what you want and write what you want because thoughtcrime isn’t real, no one gets hurt inside your head, and the ability to read and write what we wish is vital to a free society. That’s my definition of “proship,” and if you have a different definition and are determined to stick to it, there’s not much I can do about that. I can only tell you what my definition is so that you know what I’m referring to when I talk about it in this post or reblog posts mentioning it.

If you’re referring to what’s on AO3 (which is what I am mainly concerned with, as I don’t talk about other fanfic sites on my blog), that is not child porn. It’s not. The term child porn refers to sexual photos and videos of real children, not text-only stories about fictional ones. AO3 does not allow users to upload videos nor does it allow users to upload photos except for their profile pictures, and it is literally written into their Terms of Service that they do not allow child pornography on their site. You couldn’t put child porn on AO3 if you tried. Text by itself with no photos or videos accompanying it is not child porn, and that’s true no matter how disgusting and immoral you find it. I don’t support or justify child porn because I don’t support or justify real children being hurt, which is what actual child porn involves and requires.

What I do support is the freedom for everyone to read and write what they want, and I am not going to stop supporting that.

How do you know that the people reading or writing a fic are “getting their rocks off to” or “actively jacking it” to what's in it? Did they tell you? Have you developed telepathic powers and read their minds? How do you know that people “don’t actually care about properly depicting complex subject matter in art?” Don’t dismiss those questions, answer them. You don’t know why someone is reading something and you don’t know why someone is writing something. I have no idea whether the person checking Mein Kampf or Birth of a Nation out of a library is a racist who agrees with everything in both works or a scholar doing research for a paper on racism or just an average joe who wants to see what’s in there for themselves and form their own conclusions, which is a perfectly fine and intellectually healthy thing to want. I don’t know which of these is the case and I’m not going to automatically assume the worst-case scenario, nor am I going to demand that the person checking out those works provide me with an explanation because they don’t owe me one. You don’t know why someone is reading or writing a rape or incest story. Maybe they find it sexy or maybe they’re a victim themselves, working through their trauma by expressing it via the written word. You don’t know which one it is, and they don’t owe you an explanation. I’d advise you not to automatically assume the worst-case scenario either.

Because you know what happens when people assume the worst of an author’s intentions and assume they know what a work is doing? You get situations like Isabel Fall’s and Lindsay Ellis’ where people were sure they knew that the former was being transphobic with her short story and that the latter was trivializing rape with her “rape rap.” They were so sure, as sure as you are in your ask, not a doubt in their minds, didn’t think it was possible for there to be any other reason or interpretation, and so they felt totally justified in harassing those women. I’m sure each of them convinced themselves they were doing this because they were an ally who just cared so much and that those authors deserved the hate they were getting because (gasp!) they wrote something bad and if you write something bad, you should expect to be called out. And then they found out—oops! Turns out Isabel Fall was a trans person and not a cis person being transphobic after all, and was actually writing a story about a subject she had plenty of experience with, and—oops! Turns out Lindsay Ellis was an assault victim herself and she was coping with her trauma in the best way she could because making a lighthearted rap about the subject made it more accessible, easier to deal with, and not as scary and she wasn’t making fun of victims after all. Whoops!

How do you know the people writing these fics you find so horrible aren’t doing something similar to Ellis and Fall? How do you know they aren’t victims working through their grief and trauma in a way that helps them? How do you know you’re not misjudging and assuming the worst of them just like Fall’s and Ellis’ haters misjudged and assumed the worst of them? Don’t dismiss those questions, answer them. How do you know?

Why do you get to be the authority who decides what “properly depicting complex subject matter in art” even looks like? Maybe someone else read it and decided it was properly depicted; why does your opinion and interpretation matter more than theirs? Why is yours the correct one? Don’t dismiss those questions, answer them.

I don’t know what anime lolicon is, so I’m not gonna comment on that, though I will say it disproves your point about the Venn diagram being a circle since I am technically a proshipper and yet I don’t even know what that is. I’m sure if you look hard enough, you can probably find someone using the proship label who has done something bad or supports something bad, but the same can be said about antis. You get assholes in every group. Doesn’t mean everyone in the group is a bad person.

(Also I know this isn’t the most important point here but the fact that you’re more worried about the content of South Park fanfics rather than the South Park show itself says to me that you care more about finding an easy target than about minimizing harm because that show has plenty of racist and anti-Semitic “jokes” in it that are being fed to a much larger audience than any fanfic of it could ever have, yet I don’t see you being worried at all about that. Wonder why.)

(Another less important point but one I’m still going to indulge in: I find your line about “if that makes me a puritan then call me the Virgin Mary” funny in an ironic way because in trying to claim that people don’t know what the word puritan means, you proved that you yourself don’t know what it means by implying that puritan = virgin. Puritan and virgin are not the same thing. Virgin is a state of being that could be voluntary or, if you want sex but can’t find anyone to give it to you, it could be involuntary. One could be a virgin and still be sex-positive just like one could be a religious fundamentalist with ten kids who’s had all the sex required to make those ten kids but still be sex-negative and think that only the straight married baby-making kind is okay and all other kinds are impure and gross. Unlike virginity, puritanism is a mindset, not a state of being, and therefore it is always voluntary. You can be one without being the other. Again, not a super important point, but I thought the irony of that line was funny.)

You do know that Jim Crow was a set of laws and policies set down by the government and enforced by police and courts and not, like…a dirty fanfic or book, right? You do know that? It was and still is a legal framework that’s baked into the justice system and has been the driving force behind everything from mass incarceration to drug policy to redlining and housing to voter disenfranchisement. Bitch, I fucking wish that Jim Crow was nothing more than a bad fanfic or a bad story; that would make it a hell of a lot easier to fight! Acting like any one (fan)fiction writer or any one piece of (fan)fiction has the same amount of power as the fucking US government is some insane false equivalence.

As for the representation argument, you’re misunderstanding what that movement is about and why the founders of it cared about the state of media. We Need Diverse Books and organizations like it did not start their campaigns because they were disgusted by what White writers were doing and wanted to stop them and make sure they could never do it again. They started their campaigns to empower and encourage authors of color. It began when a few Black mothers were looking for books for their kids and realized they couldn’t find any with a Black child on the cover, not because they read something a White person wrote and were so horrified by it that they had to put a stop to it. Being so horrified by something in a story that you have to put a stop to it is what Moms for Liberty does. The goal of the representation matters movement is to diversify the publishing industry since it’s still majority White, to publish more authors of color because most of the authors being published are still White, and to update school curriculums so that students of color can read about and study characters like themselves. All of which are good and reasonable goals. It is not and never was about telling people what they were and were not allowed to write or read, or saying that they’re bad people because of what they write or read.

“Influences thinking” and “affecting reality” are not the same as controlling or determining thinking and reality. If fiction really does affect how people see the real world, then why, in a time when we have more positive books/movies/TV shows/plays of and by POC and positive queer books/movies/TV shows/plays than ever before, are we still dealing with vicious racism and homophobia? If fiction influences thinking and affects reality and how people see the world so much, then why, in a time when we have Drag Queen Story Hour and trans characters are being featured positively in popular TV shows and trans actors are winning awards, are we still dealing with some of the worst transphobia we’ve ever seen? Don’t dismiss those questions, answer them.

Fiction doesn’t make things happen. Playing violent video games doesn’t make a person violent. Reading or writing about an immoral act does not mean you agree with, get off to, or are going to do the immoral act. And that’s true regardless of what the immoral act in question is, whether it's gore or kink or rape or incest.

The problem with “you can read/write what you want except for X because X is gross/morally wrong” is that the bigots and mean-spirited folks of the world will find a way to make anything they don’t like into X. That’s the part antis don’t think about. But we’re already seeing it play out in school board meetings.

“We don’t want to ban Maus because it talks about the Holocaust, we want to ban it because uhhh it has pictures of naked prisoners in the camps and therefore it’s pornography.”

“We don’t want to ban Beloved because it talks about slavery, we want to ban it because uhhh it has a slave getting raped in it and therefore it’s pornography and sexually explicit and won’t someone think of the children!”

“We don’t want to ban all of these books because they have Black kids on the covers, we want to ban them because uhhh they’re critical race theory and indoctrination that teaches White kids to hate themselves!”

“We don’t want to keep drag queens out of libraries because we hate them and are transphobic, we want to keep them out of libraries because uhhh they’re sexualizing minors and teaching them to mutilate their genitals!”

Those are real examples. And they will happen to fanfiction too if we’re not careful. Someone doesn’t like Sonadow? Well they’re not against it because they’re homophobic or just don’t like the ship, they’re against it because uhhh it’s pedophilia since Shadow is 50-65 depending on how you count it and Sonic is 15. If it can happen with books, it can happen with fanfiction.

We’ve already seen cases of people running for board positions on AO3 who talked about “cleaning up the site,” and each time it turned out they were homophobic and were very much including queerness in what they considered “dirty.” That’s going to keep happening because antis keep falling for it and getting swept up in a manufactured moral panic without thinking through what the enforcement would be like. The whole reason AO3 has the policies that it does is because these kinds of purges happened regularly on other sites. Every time, people insisted it was “just the bad ones,” “just the immoral ones,” “just the underage ones,” etc. And it never was. And after every purge, there’d be a lot fewer queer love stories in the world.

How are you going to make sure that doesn’t happen again? How will you decide whose definitions of terms like “pedophilia,” “grooming,” “underage,” “sexualizing,” “fetishizing” get used? That’s the part antis never think about, is what enforcement of what they want would actually involve. Some people think “underage” is anyone under 25 or under 20 and some think it’s anyone under 18. Which one is right? Who gets to decide? Which country’s age of consent is the correct one that fanfic writers around the world all have to abide by regardless of where they’re from, and why is that country’s age of consent the correct one? Whose interpretation of a work is the correct one? And whoever ends up making these decisions, how will you stop this decision maker who gets to say what counts as “properly and improperly depicting complex subject matter” and what doesn’t from shifting the goalposts and abusing their power? How will you stop them from applying those negative labels to just any work they don’t like? What checks and balances will be put in place to keep whoever does the fanfiction gatekeeping from abusing that position? Don’t dismiss those questions, answer them. I’ve yet to see an anti have an answer to these questions.

I know propaganda is effective because you’ve fallen for it. The idea that peoples’ ability to read and write what they want must be restricted because Think of the Children™ and because “only bad people would ever want to read/write something bad” is the same talking points used by Moms for Liberty, Ron DeSantis, the people protesting Drag Queen Story Hour, and so many others. Every single time an attempt is made to restrict the freedom to read and write, it is always couched in the paternalistic language of protection, safety, just looking out for kids, and the fearmongering language of “that stuff is freaky, dirty, and gross and only a pervert would ever have a problem with it being banned.” Every time, it is discussed with the language of protection and safety, and every time, it is a lie.

I support the right of everyone to read and write what they want because I don’t know their situation, don’t have the right to demand an explanation of their situation or a detailed account of their very private and personal traumas, and have seen what happens when people try to excuse banning and censorship of written text or harassing authors with the excuses of “it’s just the bad ones,” “we’re just protecting kids,” “we just have a few concerns,” “we’re just being good allies,” and “if I wrote something gross I’d expect to get called out!”

So. Now that I have responded to your points, I hope that you will very carefully read and consider my points at the very least and get out of your echo chamber and use some critical thinking too. The fact that you put the phrase critical thinking in quotes like it’s a fake thing that doesn’t exist instead of a real and very important skill reveals a lot more than I think you meant it to, but still I hope you try.

I’ve disabled anonymous asks because I want to see if you’re brave enough to respond without hiding behind anonymity. I’ll be interested to see if you or anyone who agrees with you actually provides thoughtful, well-reasoned, and well-articulated answers to the questions I’ve asked instead of replying with a thought-terminating ad hominem like “That was a lot of words to say that you’re a [insert bad thing here]!” or “Just say you [insert bad thing here] and go!” And if you can actually provide evidence for your claims, if you can provide non-anecdotal, verifiable studies and data that are not from a religious or rightwing think tank that prove your points about proshipping and proshippers, then I’ll really be impressed.

I’m not holding my breath though.

#anti nonsense #anti censorship #my thoughts #book banning #fandom #ao3

[citadelsanchez]

Heyyy could you possibly do one where Rick loves to surprise hug the reader from behind. I love your work so much😭💝Thank you<333

Alright, couple things! Firstly, thank you for the kind words! Secondly, I've had writer's block for this past week or so, my apologies to everyone. This is a bit short as a result. And lastly, I'm not sure that I followed the request to its full extent as I still picture Rick as being unrelentingly stubborn. (But still slipping his sweetness in there.) Okay that's it, thanks for reading!! Xx

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You strummed your fingers along the dilapidated work bench and bounced your leg in annoyance. You suppressed a sigh and checked your phone mindlessly once again. You'd been waiting for Rick in this same spot for over an hour.

[Meet me in the garage at 8. No exceptions.] he'd texted earlier, making you scoff. It wasn't very often that he didn't just jump straight to the point in his endeavors. When this happens, he's clearly got something up his sleeve. And he always strings you along this way, kicking your adrenaline into overdrive and then making you stand by until he deems the right time. You can't stay upset for long though. Especially when sometimes you're so baffled at how you managed to claim a spot in his whimsical world, even if it's not a big one.

Although recently Morty and Summer have been trying to convince you that you're special to Rick, claiming that he only shows moments of vulnerability with you. You recall the conversation from a couple of days ago.

"Oh my gosh, Y/N, you're totally just ignorant if you don't see how Rick thirsts after you" Summer sassed.

"I hate to agree with that but y-y-yeah Y/N, he really seems to care for you" Morty says, nodding with his sister.

You'd blushed bright red and physically facepalmed at both of them. "He's- no, we're just good friends. Or like, allies. Really."

Summer rolled her eyes. "You're insane, he is in love with you Y/N."

"L-like come on, he checks in on you at night and kills anyone w-who hurts your feelings when we adventure. H-h-he even hugs you."

You shake your head. "He's just nosey! And that 'hug' was one time Morty! Or, twice. I can't remember how many times. And it was because he was blinded by the Galorp haze. I-it wasn't like it was him actually wanting to."

You dismissed their ramblings as teenage nonsense alongside the fact that Rick isn't emotional with anyone- why would you ever be the exception? A pang of hurt singes your chest at that thought. You can't deny the ever growing euphoric feeling of being around Rick. It started with the harsh insults that turned playful and insolent glances that are now tolerant. And now as of late, accidental grazes of your arms or waist and hugs that were "uncontrollable" and not of his own accord. True Rick fashion.

You're so far into your thoughts that you don't even hear the sound of Rick entering the garage and brushing himself off with a defeated, somber look on his face.

You're also stood with your headphones in, slightly dancing to the beat coming through, with your back to the usual portal sound. Since Rick was inconsiderate and late to his own meeting, you've been indulging in one of your favorite past times, which is snooping through his newest inventions.

You place a strange hat with several antenna back into the box. "What the fuuuck even is that?" You speak out loud, still unaware of his presence.

Rick is watching you rummage through his drawers blankly before a small smile starts appearing on his face.

You stop to change the song playing on your phone when you feel two arms envelop your frame and a head resting near the top of yours. You gasp in surprise but know who it is immediately from the slight green apple smell mixed in with alcohol.

"Rick.." You speak out softly, feeling both surprised and overwhelmed with bliss. "This can't still be the Galorp haze."

His hands rest on top of yours as his chin digs into your head some. "We're not gonna talk about it."

#rick sanchez #rick and morty #rick and morty season 6 #rick sanchez x reader #morty smith

[lihhelsing]

Hate That I Loved You

Now complete on AO3!

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 ↓ | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

"There you are," Lou's voice send shivers through Eddie's body. Bad ones, the kind that makes him want to go into flight mode. Eddie's never been much of a fighter anyway. "Are you done overthinking it?"

Eddie huffs and soon Lou's in his space. Chrissy side eyes him as if ready to intervene but Eddie nods to let her know it's fine. He's the one who invited Lou, and he knew exactly what he was like. 

"Is that because you missed me?" Eddie gets into his game because he knows better than to fight it. He can't show vulnerability when Lou's always ready to tear him apart. 

"I'm gonna go make sure everything is ready for us to start," Chrissy informs and gives Eddie another pointed look. 'Don't fuck this up' is what she means. 

Then it's just Lou and Eddie and Eddie is terrified of that. 

"You've performed at the Grammy's before. This won't be that different," Lou says and it's true. It won't be that different except that to show vulnerability Eddie will be essentially naked behind his guitar. 

Lou also fails to notice he's not nervous about performing, he usually never is, as arrogant as that sounds. He's nervous he will get sucked into his orbit again. He can't have that, he knows he won't survive a second time. 

"You look good," Lou says and Eddie knows the way his voice dials down, too low to be casual. He's flirting as he approaches Eddie and grabs the lapels of his jacket. 

Lou is gorgeous, blonde hair always carefully set to look messy, blue eyes that shine and pierce through Eddie's soul every time, and there's this undertone of relief coursing through him because this move, this classic Lou move, makes Eddie's stomach churns with something bad. 

He feels queasy and it's a good thing because it means Lou doesn't hold that power over Eddie anymore. Eddie might still hurt from what Lou put him through because it was a really low moment on his life but he doesn't hurt anymore because of the feelings he had for Lou. He doesn't have feelings anymore, there's just this empty sensation of indifference. Lou is gorgeous and it's like Eddie's brain is just ignoring this and looking at all the the ugliness underneath the surface. 

"Sorry to interrupt," there's a sound behind them and Eddie's head whip faster in that direction just to see Steve's wide eyes as he looks at the two of them, looking cozy and intertwined, unable to know Eddie's real feelings towards that man in front of him. "You, uh, forgot this."

Eddie's eyes slip from Steve's terrified expression to his hand, where he's holding his bow tie, crumpled up as if Steve had been squeezing it. How long had Steve been there? 

Lou is the one that moves, snatching it from Steve's hands and moving to put it on Eddie. Eddie tries to push him away, but Lou holds still, his hands already laced around Eddie's neck. 

"You can go now," Lou says in Steve's direction, dismissing him without even looking and Eddie is too overwhelmed to find words quickly, so Steve is through the door before Eddie even opens his mouth. 

x

The shoot is… Less painful than Eddie expected it to be. The realization that he has no more feelings for Lou is liberating, but the fact that Steve clearly got the wrong idea is eating at his insides and Steve doesn't seem to be anywhere during the shoot so by the time they are done, Eddie's anxiety is through the roof. 

The worst part of the day was having to watch Lou give his Grammy speech again, with Eddie standing right behind him, being the one who announced the winner, as Lou thanked everyone and their mothers and casually forgot Eddie's name. 

It seems so petty, now that Eddie is looking at things with a clearer mind, but it doesn't hurt less. They filmed everything as it happened and then went over it again with Eddie and his guitar as he stood naked, all his feelings on display, especially after their big blowout that ended up with Eddie being framed as hysterical and unprofessional in every gossip magazine. 

All that to say Eddie and rock bottom are more than acquaintances at this point. 

Lou flirts and smile and touches him and all Eddie can feel is a mild annoyance and a bit of repulse. He's almost happy when things are over, as someone rushes to him with a robe for his modesty. 

"You did good," Lou says, as if Eddie still needs his approval for everything he does. He doesn't. 

"Again, thank you for agreeing to this," Eddie replies, trying his best not to look at him. Gareth and the boys are over at the food table, chatting excitedly as they get ready to shoot their scenes for this part before the Grammy's stage has to go. 

"I was hoping we could grab a coffee," Lou says, flashing him that smile that used to melt Eddie's inside. 

"Can't do. Gotta be here for the rest of the shoot," Eddie explains, motioning around them as the set keeps going even though they both seemed to be stopped in time. 

"That's ok. My driver can pick you up later and bring you to me. I'll have wine and sushi ready for you, babe," Lou says in a sickeningly sweet voice and Eddie hates it. 

"What happened to coffee?" Eddie quirks an eyebrow. Lou is so sure of himself and Eddie is so easy that all he has to do is offer him a good time and Eddie will come running. 

"I can have coffee for later, I know you like to stay up all night," Lou winks, and Eddie wishes he could see how ridiculous he looks. It's almost pathetic, especially because Eddie knows he gets a thrill out of all this. Of trying to be better than everyone to hide the fact he's just a narcissistic piece of shit. 

"No thanks, I'm good," Eddie shrugs and he does what he should've done at the Grammy's. He walks away. 

Before he gets too far, he looks back at Lou, smiles big and says "Oh, and lose my number."

Quick Author's Note: This is getting bigger than expected as ALWAYS. Things have to get bad to get better so please don't hate me. I think it's probably going to have 6 parts in total! Hope you're still with me, xx

#steddie #steve x eddie #Hate That I Loved You #Steddie fanfic #steddie fic #Steve harrington #Eddie Munson #Rockstar AU #second chance romance

[verycharismaticdragon]

Okay, so I went a lil overboard with a reply to LBH criticism over at @controversial-blorbo-bracket, and I figure 4.5K words that probably should be put under a community label are a bit too much for a reblog, so I'm posting it separately.

CW for general discussion of sex, and for rape mention (assumption of rape is discussed and rebutted).

------

You know what, I was going to reply to this the usual way, you know, 'oh look at that, another person with surface level reading who hates binghe!' because fr every single binghe disliker has the same talking points - which, you know, individually were long discussed (and disproved) by ppl in fandom - but then I was suddenly hit with a spoon beam so now I'm writing a long-ass answer.

Starting with the most glaring, this sentence:

Their dynamic ended up coming off more as SQQ tolerating this unmanageable man-baby and letting him fuck (and hurt him in the process, and then cry about that, more than SQQ himself did) him just to get him to shut the fuck up sometimes, like giving a toddler a biscuit to appease them.

has clued me in to the largest thing anon has missed. Remember how I said "surface-level reading"? Let me explain. There are great many avenues for analyzing a book, especially one as crunchy on a meta-level as svsss (you'll see what I mean by that later).

But the most basic thing - the LVL1 if you will - is asking yourself the following questions: (1) whose POV is the book written from? (2) is that POV omniscient or limited? (2.1) are there cases where the POV character doesn't know something we, the reader, have inferred? (3) if it's limited, how reliable is their narration? (3.1) are there cases of their actions not aligning with their narration? (3.2) are there reasons for them to lie to themselves and/or the reader?

For SVSSS, the answers are: (1) mostly Shen Qingqiu's POV; (2) limited; (2.1) e.g. he doesn't know what's going on in Luo Binghe's head (we'll get back to this more in-depth later), most notably not realizing Luo Binghe is in love with him for good 2/3rds of the book; (3) unreliable; (3.1) think him insisting he is fine when he's clearly grieving post-Abyss - which we can see both from other characters' reactions, and from stray thoughts that he himself has and then dismisses (eng.edition chapter 4: "No! Bah! Shen Qingqiu mentally slapped himself. Who are you calling a grieving widow?! Whose husband died?! That's not something you should just say--you're really getting worse by the day.") (3.2) off the top of my head: the trauma SQQ is going through, with his two coping mechanisms being 'not thinking about it' and 'making light of the situation'; internalized toxic masculinity - as in, the idea that it's shameful for a man to have emotions; internalized homophobia - as in, being unable to examine his attraction to men (evident from very early on, actually) without having a knee-jerk 'it's wrong!' reaction.

To sum it up: Shen Qingqiu's POV is limited and his narration is unreliable. What does this tell us? That we should take what he says in the narrative voice with the grain (or like, a spoonful) of salt, and that it's worth to close-read him. Don't just believe him when he says something; look for evidence!

Going back to anon's words, saying that SQQ appears to just 'tolerate' Luo Binghe tells me that you have not caught SQQ's lies at all.

(cont. under cut)

SQQ is, pardon my language, fucking obsessed with Luo Binghe - just in a different way than Luo Binghe is with him. He is constantly thinking about Luo Binghe even when the latter is not around! (Contrast it to how he thinks about his family from his og world like, 3 times over the course of the book, despite loving them.) And when LBH is around, SQQ can't go a page without mentioning how incredibly beautiful he is! (And then blames it on Luo Binghe being a protagonist, like, of course the protagonist is the most beautiful person in the world, that's natural!.. We later get the POV of a literal author of the world, btw, and he says he wrote LBH as a conventionally beautiful prettyboy type, and his own ideal man is completely different. Which is how we know that SQQ going on about LBH's radiant showstopping obvious-to-anyone beauty is really only his own opinion that he's trying to sell to us as a universal truth.)

And, speaking of LBH's crimes anon mentions (I will not be calling them 'warcrimes', sorry, none of the very few less-than-moral things he does can be classified as that) - you may notice that, for both actual things LBH did and for things SQQ attributed to him mistakenly, those never changed the way SQQ feels about Binghe. He thinks LBH killed his kinda-friend and still jumps in to sacrifice himself to save LBH's life. He sees the guy LBH mutilated, and is disturbed by that... but still continues to protect LBH. Gives him a lil forehead kiss like 20 minutes later.

Oh, and let's not forget the scene where SQQ is punished with a hyper-realistic dream of original LBH tearing off his limbs, and his reaction to that is "I need to see my Binghe asap immediately like rn, I need my cute version of Binghe to feel better about this."

This all is to point out that SQQ continuously fails to be normal about LBH. That's a feature! That's what makes their relationship fun! "Clearly you are perfect for each other pls dont involve anyone else in whatever the fuck is wrong with you" kinda situation.

But you must look through the cover of SQQ's misdirections for it - like again, trauma! toxic masculinity! internalized homophobia! It's difficult for him to admit his feelings even in his head, but he is getting better about that. In Mei vs Ge extra, SQQ admits he wanted LBH to push a little more about them sharing a bed and that he would have agreed. And is kinda put out that LBH simply accepted his refusal. Then in Deep Dream extra, SQQ is literally the one to jump LBH. And in Wedding extra, he almost manages to look directly at the fact that he's very happy that LBH is proposing to him! So yeah, he is getting better at admitting it too. But honestly, his feelings about LBH were always really intense. In different ways over the course of the novel, but he adored LBH from before he transmigrated, and that adoration never lessened, despite everything that happened between them. You just gotta look at his actions and not his 24/7 mental stand-up routine.

All right, next, in the same paragraph the previous thing came from, I'll abridge and highlight for relevancy:

Their dynamic ended up coming off more as SQQ tolerating this unmanageable man-baby and letting him fuck [...] him just to get him to shut the fuck up sometimes, like giving a toddler a biscuit to appease them. And it came off very gross, especially in the epilogue, when Luo Binghe was blatantly manipulative about that, pushing and cornering Shen Qingqiu into doing more than he already was, and using his tears to his advantage, in a way that was clearly in the text not unintentional.

...Listen, for someone claiming to hate how one-dimensional LBH ended up, I'm seeing a distinct lack of effort at actually understanding the character. Luo Binghe's teary act (in the moments when it is an act, because there are also many moments when his tears are genuine, we'll get to that later) is, first and foremost, for Shen Qingqiu's benefit.

Shen Qingqiu admits it himself that he finds it easier to be "frank" with Luo Binghe who is "willing to cling to his legs and throw a tantrum to seek comfort" (Return to Childhood extra). It's the internalized toxic masculinity and homophobia thing again. It's actually pretty interesting how he rewires his brain from its knee-jerk reaction of "homosexuality wrong" by mentally comparing Luo Binghe to a girl - like calling him Bing-mei, thinking he's acting "like a lovesick maiden", etc. God I want to study this man like a bug. Anyway, yeah, the point is that LBH acting cute and whiny helps SQQ be more comfortable with giving affection to a man, something that he struggles with because of his personal issues.

And Luo Binghe, while not aware of the exact nature of SQQ's issues (having grown up in a world where homophobia doesn't seem to exist), does understand this - that Shen Qingqiu’s thin face and pride make it difficult for him to show emotions. And it's not something LBH intrinsically knows either; he has to figure it out (not without help, everybody say thank you papa Airplane), confirm it for himself (the "But other than hearing Shizun crying..." - "Who was crying?" - "Other than hearing someone crying, [...]" scene comes to mind), and then accept it as truth (which he doesn't seem to fully do until at least the Maigu Ridge, and Shen Qingqiu outright saying "I do it for you and only you!" - if not even later.) It takes him time to learn how to work with this knowledge too...

And, to be brutally honest, how blatant and over the top he gets with the act is entirely due to how SQQ keeps rewarding the behavior.

Now... you might consider this a conjecture, given how we only get the tiniest glimpses into Luo Binghe's mind - in the rare moments the author shifts out of the primary POV. But fortunately, one of those moments can be used to prove that Luo Binghe is not, in fact, "pushing and cornering" Shen Qingqiu into doing things Shen Qingqiu doesn't want to do.

The moment I'm talking about is in the Mei vs Ge extra: Shen Qingqiu, having agreed to "do some exploring together", sees LBH's giant 🐓, goes "absolutely not" out loud, and attempts to give him a handjob instead — which also doesn't go too well. Bringing us to (LBH's POV emphasized):

No matter how calm Shen Qingqiu kept himself, he couldn’t stop his expression from twisting. Luo Binghe had secretly been paying attention to his face the entire time. At this moment, he carefully said, “Then, Shizun, how about… you do it?”

LBH is attentively watching SQQ's reactions to figure out what he's thinking and feeling. The moment Binghe comes to the conclusion that SQQ is uncomfortable with bottoming, he offers to let him top. Notice how he doesn't start crying or whining to get his way, when it's something that might be a genuine hard line for SQQ?

And it's actually the same in the Regret of Chunshan extra: when SQQ shot LBH's idea down, LBH "looked a bit disappointed, but didn't push the issue". Yes, later SQQ will say LBH was "putting on a pitiful act"; but if you read the scene carefully, LBH did not do anything but look a bit disappointed - and SQQ just walked himself into feeling bad about refusing completely on his own.

Now, when does Luo Binghe use crocodile tears then? Well, the answer seems to be: when it's about small things. Like wanting to do it face to face (after they've already agreed on both sex in general and on who will top), or begging SQQ to call him 'husband' (after they have gotten married). Ultimately inconsequential things, and, likely, things that he suspects SQQ is avoiding only because of embarrassment and not anything more serious.

So, to sum up this section: Luo Binghe's crybaby act is for Shen Qingqiu's peace of mind first and foremost, and Luo Binghe does not actually use it to coerce Shen Qingqiu into anything he wouldn't be willing to do. LBH is not responsible for the fact that Shen Qingqiu has no bottom line when it comes to him and can't handle seeing him even minorly disappointed, let's be real.

Okay, last thing from that paragraph (yes there's another thing):

and letting him fuck (and hurt him in the process, and then cry about that, more than SQQ himself did)

See, with the way anon describes it here, I can't even tell which scene this references, but luckily I have a rebuttal for both options.

Like, is this about the Maigu Ridge? Aka the scene where LBH is not in his right mind (literally hallucinating, among other things) - and then comes back to consciousness to see that he, by all appearances, had brutally raped the person he loves with all his heart? No fucking wonder he starts crying?!.. And to clarify, he did not rape SQQ, because SQQ had given informed consent here. If anything, there was nobody in that scene less consenting than Luo Binghe himself.

Or is this about the scene in Mei vs Ge. Which is like. Entirely on SQQ, who decided to keep quiet instead of telling LBH that it hurts. Like, whatever that was about! It's only, oh, one of the major themes of the novel that hiding your feelings and struggles is bad, and will hurt not only you but people who care about you.

...Btw, if someone not in fandom is reading this with increased befuddlement for why those two are having so much painful sex. Well, aside from the scene where LBH is tripping balls because of a cursed sword, and the situation is forced by the literal will of the narrative (more on this later), our couple are two adult virgins with no sex-ed, and one of them is in possession of (canonically) the biggest dick in the world. Given those factors, it would be weirder if they were able to have flawless sex right away. (And it's a meta-commentary, something we'll also get to later.)

Speaking of the cursed sword, it's somewhat amazing that anon says all this

Why did they make him become this? I understand what he went through, I'm not asking about cause and effect, I'm saying the effect could have been so much better and more realistically (in my opinion and from my personal experience with trauma) written. I'm not saying he couldn't be burnt or bitter or jaded, nor that he couldn't be clingy or overly emotional or manipulative, I just think it could have been done better, and I HATE what his character became for the second half (realistically, most) of the story.

and completely fails to mention that between LBH's return from the Abyss and the end of the main story, LBH's actions are severely affected by a cursed sword that amps up his emotions with the express purpose of destroying his mind. Seems somewhat relevant to why his behavior isn't written as a realistic trauma response? And instead as a trauma response amped up to eleven and set on fire? And that's without even getting into LBH giving himself supernatural brain damage as a form of self-harm. Which uh. doesnt simply map onto any irl concept really.

Continuing from this, I think it's time for me to expand on one of the points from earlier: about how Shen Qingqiu doesn't know what's going on in Luo Binghe's head for most of the novel. It will be tied to this particular bit of criticism on anon's part:

I feel like the author utterly assassinated his character in the 2nd half of the novel (ever since he came back from the abyss) and turned him into a one dimensional caricature of himself, and I HATED IT.

What I want to suggest here is tied, once again, to how Shen Qingqiu’s POV is limited and unreliable. So, a new batch of questions: (4) is our understanding of other characters' actions affected by the limited POV? (5) is there a particular reason for the author to keep other characters' motivations opaque to the POV character? (6) can anything be gleaned by reconstructing other characters' perspectives?

The answer to (4) is a yes so resounding the POV character himself admits it: "First, he'd thought Luo Binghe was unbelievably cruel and evil, then he'd thought Luo Binghe was unspeakably strong and bright." (ch.21) Shen Qingqiu has the very same problem as anon does: he sees Luo Binghe as one-dimensional, making assumptions about how he's supposed to act - instead of trying to understand what's there.

Which leads us neatly into the answer to (5): people making assumptions about what's best for the other person instead of asking them what they need, and hurting them as a result, is also a major theme, present in many relationships throughout the novel! And that's only half of the answer.

The other half will require us to go a little meta. You see, BingQiu's relationship, among other things, are meant to echo the relationship between the reader and the character. The reader loves the character, but they are also the reason for their suffering - as for the story to go on, the character must continuously face more and more difficult obstacles. Shen Qingqiu both loving Luo Binghe and causing him unspeakable amount of trauma is meant to mirror that. Shen Qingqiu's expectations for how Luo Binghe should act, and attempts to fit him into one or the other archetype, are also, yknow, reader behavior.

And... are we not also readers? Are we not expecting Luo Binghe to act a certain way (for example, when I first read the novel, I fully expected him to keep being a classic ML: to swallow all his grievances and keep being unquestioningly and ardently devoted to MC. Which, once articulated, is such an unfair expectation!), and feel it's "character assassination" - to borrow anon's words - when he does not adhere to the role he's supposed to inhabit, based on our idea of his personality and place in the story?

So: is there a reason the author seems to deliberately make Luo Binghe hard to understand, irrational, or one-note, to both Shen Qingqiu and us? Making it harder to sympathize with him? For example, can it be commentary on oversimplifying complex characters to just their role, or just one aspect of their personality...

As for the answer to (6), I ultimately want to leave it for you to try it out and decide. I'm literally the person who wrote a 90k character study fic to try and figure out the minutiae of Luo Binghe's post-Abyss mental state, so my answer is I think obvious. He has a lot going on!

Which kind of brings me to another of anon's gripes:

And actually that made me really sad because I wanted to enjoy it so much, because I LOVED the beginning, and I love Shen Qingqiu, but the evolution of Luo Binghe and the refusal to let him KEEP evolving inescapably ruined the story for me. He was insufferable, and I kept hoping he would grow and get better, but he just never did.

Look, I simply cannot agree that Luo Binghe did not grow and get better; it just largely happens at the very end of the main story and in the extras. I know anon has missed that, since they missed the more obvious things like Shen Qingqiu being obsessed with Binghe right back and Binghe using the pathetic act to help Shen Qingqiu feel more at ease, so I'll get to that in a bit. But first, I want to make sure we are on the same page about everything before that.

The part of Luo Binghe's arc between the Abyss and the Maigu Ridge is a downward spiral. He's going through the corruption arc, just as the original version of him did; the narrative demands it.

And it's not like 'the narrative' is a nebulous force here; there are literal actors of its will in the story, the System and Xin Mo sword. Like, in particular, the Maigu Ridge sex scene is a perfect example of how those two actors push Luo Binghe and Shen Qingqiu. The System literally withholds a key item that can help Luo Binghe regain his conscious mind until Shen Qingqiu has sex with him - you know, until the demands of the narrative of a romance story are fulfilled. And Xin Mo literally corrodes Luo Binghe's mind so that he acts like the original version from PIDW, because the truth is, SVSSS Luo Binghe would rather die than actually force himself on Shen Qingqiu. (Binghe's first reaction to seeing what he'd done is to ask "Why didn't you kill me?" and like. understandable. im crying also)

Oh, right, I promised to explain how bad sex is meta, this is a good spot for that. You see, it's a commentary on the 'flawless first time' trope, and also 'sex is a cure' trope. The author posits that two virgins having sex would naturally be awkward and not magically good. And that having sex in a highly stressful situation where one of the parties is not in control of their faculties would naturally be really fucking bad, and also not magically good.

But back to narrative demands. The point is, Luo Binghe simply cannot get better until "the story" ends. He can't heal while the world around him is literally deadset on dragging him down to become a bloodthirsty, sex-obsessed tyrant. The only thing that saves him is Shen Qingqiu managing to get them into the happily ever after zone by the skin of his teeth. There's a reason the main story of the book ends with: "The story circulating through the world might already have ended. But the story between you and me has only just began". 'The story circulating through the world' is the narrative the characters were trapped in; only once it has ended can Shen Qingqiu and Luo Binghe be allowed to go free, to actually live their lives and be happy. (This novel is very meta, I'm telling you.)

All right, now, back to how Luo Binghe actually did grow and get better! We're almost to the end! I fear to see how long this post is, at this point!

Now, I could be pointing out specific details, like Luo Binghe letting SQQ be brought back to Cang Qiong because he thinks that's what SQQ would want - when his whole breakdown before was about how he couldn't keep SQQ with him. Or I could be reminding you of the second section of this post, and saying that Luo Binghe learning to bypass SQQ's embarrassment by playing cute is actually also character development, even if you didn't like it.

But I think we should go for the heart of the issue. You see, yet another prominent theme in SVSSS is toxic masculinity. It's baked into the setting, with the "original" book our MC transmigrated into being a heterostraight harem novel; it's something our MC struggles with, when his learned toxic behaviors screw over both himself and the person he loves; and - most important to our current topic - it's the chief source of tension within Luo Binghe's character.

Literally, there are even names for two polar axes of his personality in the story: Bing-ge (ge=big brother), coined by in-story fandom to describe original Luo Binghe of PIDW, and Bing-mei (mei=little sister), the nickname SQQ comes up with specifically for "lovesick maiden"-acting Binghe.

"Bing-ge" side, of course, represents toxic masculinity. Extremely obviously in OG!LBH's case, what with him being the protagonist of 'male wish fulfillment and misogyny: the novel', but if you think about it, SV!LBH also demonstrates toxic masc behaviors, starting post-Abyss and up to Maigu Ridge. Noticeably, exactly when he had Xin Mo fucking him up - Xin Mo in general is symbolic of the "original" narrative, pushing SV!LBH to replicate the OG's behavior. And also it's a sword. The symbol of toxic masc version of the narrative is. A sword. RIP Freud you would've loved Scum Villain.

But what does "Bing-mei" stand for, if we detangle it from SQQ's 5D chess with his own sexuality? We know Bing-mei cooks and cleans and gives waist massages. We also know Bing-mei shows affection freely, and isn't embarrassed to cry, and has a sensitive heart. A man who is caring instead of controlling, a man who is not afraid to be vulnerable and emotional... Bing-mei side is meant to represent the healthy / soft masculinity.

And Luo Binghe's arc is rooted in the struggle between healthy and toxic sides of masculinity. What I think is tripping up a lot of people is that he starts at the healthy place, in his "white lotus" days. He is caring, he is affectionate, he shows the full range of emotion.

Then, the world comes for him, and he falls (or, yknow, is pushed) into toxic patterns of behavior. He hides his vulnerability, the only show of emotion he allows himself are outbursts of anger, he tries to control the person he loves... and thus hurts people around him and himself. His breakdown at Maigu Ridge is about thinking he can never be good enough, no matter what he does - see, the very idea that there's some level of achievement that can make a person unequivocally lovable is a toxic masc mindset!..

But the thing is, him breaking down here - admitting that he can't "win", showing the messy, undesirable, emotional side of himself - demonstrating that he can't be the Bing-ge version - is what opens up a path for him to communicate with Shen Qingqiu. Giving him the genuine connection he needed, that Bing-ge could never have. And thus allowing him to destroy the toxic-masculinity-representing sword.

So, the evolution path the author charts out for Luo Binghe from there on is him growing into the healthy masculinity patterns. Starting with, again, putting caring about his partner above controlling him and letting SQQ be brought back to Cang Qiong. Which SQQ didn't actually want, but we've already covered that he's his own kind of freak(affectionate). And continuing to try to do better by SQQ and listen to him (eg the whole SQQ refusing to share a bed and LBH acceding so easily SQQ was left reeling, because he was planning to agree once LBH pushed). And learning that he can show emotion and be validated for it (see Return to Childhood extra with its "if you are unhappy, say so"). And accepting that he doesn't need to be perfect to be loved (the guy faceplanted trying to propose and still got his man...). And, hell - count 'doing his best to learn how to pleasure his partner in bed' with this as well!

So, once again, as a closing note: I simply can't agree that Luo Binghe doesn't grow and evolve. You just have to let go of your preconceived notions of what his character should be like, and learn to see, understand, and appreciate what's there. The same arc Shen Qingqiu, his most faithful reader, goes through.

For a book as meta as SVSSS, that's obviously no coincidence.

#cw rape mention #(assumption of rape is discussed and rebutted) #luo binghe #bingqiu #svsss #svsss meta #scum villain's self saving system #scum villain's self-saving system #mxtx #danmei novels

[m-y-fandoms]

(NEW!) Super Danganronpa 2 boys reaction to: their S/O thinking they were going to hurt them - COMMISSION

You feral beasts have been asking for this for like two years LMAO. Someone finally commissioned me to do it so let's get it!

V3 boys version link

The reader's pronouns are never mentioned, so anyone can read this with themselves in mind!

Word Count:  13k words!! 4.8k of those words are Nagito's section alone, as the commissioner requested for Nagito's to be longer than the rest (Please show this some love my hands hurt)

Trope/Scenario: A couple is in an argument or stressful situation. One partner moves suddenly, maybe to ruffle their hair or wipe sweat from their face, maybe grab something or gesture as they yell, but their S/O cowers/flinches at the sudden movement, and braces themselves or cries out, thinking their partner was about to hit/hurt them. Then, the angst ends in fluff with the other partner expressing that they would never hurt their beloved. I will make variations to this base concept to spice up the piece and fit the characters because we DON'T do O.O.C. here!

WARNINGS: SPOILERS FOR ALL OF SDR2/SDR2 CONTEXT NEEDED TO UNDERSTAND SOME SECTIONS - additionally, SFW sexual content-wise, but mature themes are explored like explicit language, possessiveness, abuse, and unhealthy relationships. Remember, the games themselves are rated M.

Nagito Komaeda

It all happened so fast. You’d begged them not to do it. It didn’t need to go down that way. This never would’ve happened if they’d just listened to you.

It all happened so fast. One second your friends, your best and only friends, were piling onto your boyfriend, pinning him to the ground of the hotel lobby and the next, the world became an explosion of fiery red. A loud blast rang in your ears like a flash bomb or a gunshot fired off right beside your head without protective equipment. Kazuichi went flying, the back of Akane’s clothes were aflame. Fuyuhiko took on an expression you’d never thought you’d see from the resident tough guy of the group: eyes wide in genuine terror, mouth agape as he dove forward and away from the blast.

You begged them not to do this. Don’t corner him. Don’t force his hand. You knew him better than anyone else. And they didn’t listen to you.

You’d all grouped up before hand (minus Nagito of course) to discuss what to do about him. He was getting more and more unhinged as the days went on. Before the funhouse, everyone except for you saw him as a bit crazy, a nuisance, a freak but safe at a distance. Now… he was clearly a danger to himself and others. He knew something you all didn’t, and it was sending him into the self righteous hope power trip of the century. Something was so very different from the Nagito you knew and loved.

You’d warned them that it wouldn’t be like last time. He wouldn’t submissively let them tie him up in the old building and wait to be fed or released by Monomi. He was on the warpath now. You knew him. Once he got an idea in his head, that was it.

Fuyuhiko and Kazuichi had dismissed you immediately. You loved him. You’d do anything to protect that freak. They weren’t gonna heed your warning, because at the end of the day, you cared about him just a little more than you cared about the rest of them. Hajime and Sonia, even Chiaki - the more compassionate members of the group - had looked at you with pity in their eyes. They knew the last thing you wanted was to see your boyfriend tied up or hurt, and they felt for you, but at this point, the main focus had to be figuring out who put them on this island so they could escape, and preventing more death. Nagito was getting in the way of that. He needed to be restrained.

You never thought it would be like this, though. You knew he’d retaliate this time, that he’d resist, but maybe in the form of a struggle with his attacker: a punch, a kick, running away, hiding… not a fucking bomb.

As the explosion rang out from behind you, sending you leaping forward defensively, the world seemed to move in slow motion.

How could he do this? It’s one thing to fight off those who are actively trying to subdue you, but to blow up the entire hotel? He was really willing to hurt or even kill everyone too close to the blast, even those with little to nothing to do with the plan? What about you, who he claimed to love, who was his shining hope, who had been the only one in his corner at all times? He was willing to just blow you away as well?

Time sped up again, and you sat with your legs crossed in the rubble, ash and sweat smearing your skin. You just sat there, breaths hitching in your throat as you held back tears that threatened to fall. It felt like you were in a trance as you sat and thought this all over. Nevermind the flames at your back or smoke in the air. Why, why, why???

It wasn’t the little bit of blood running down your arm or the ringing in your ears that broke through your haze, but the clap of a hand on your shoulder blade. You turned and looked up at Hajime, dust in his hair and a cut on his cheek. The white uniform shirt he always wore was stained up and torn in one area.

“Hey, (Y-Y/N)!” He coughed, soot in his throat. “Are you alright? Come on, we gotta get out of here! Smoke’s not-” a beam collapsed behind him, startling him as he hooked his hands under your armpits and lifted you from your seated position. “Come on, this smoke’ll kill you!” You stood with his help, still halfway in a state of shock, and in truth embarrassment that the one you constantly defended from your group of peers had done all this…

“Is everyone…” you spoke weakly, your mind flashing to the safety of your friends.

“Everyone else is out. They’re safe, let’s go!” Hajime guided you out the way he came in looking for you, past a flipped couch and under a fallen beam. Once out in the fresh air, you regrouped with the rest, all in various states of shaken up.

Sonia immediately rushed over to you, ripping the red bow tie from her neck and dabbing the cut on your arm with the fabric before wrapping it around the wound. You thanked her with a nod. Akane, usually a bit scantily-clad anyway, had most of her remaining clothes singed off or torn. She looked more defeated then you’d seen her since Nekomaru’s death. She’d probably bounce right back soon though, knowing her. Fuyuhiko looked more pissed than usual, sitting by the pool alone. Kazuichi was being tended to by Chiaki. You overheard her saying Monomi would be bringing medical supplies and helping transport those seriously injured to the hospital for a quick check up. The students protested, however, wanting to stick together in the resort and heal up in their cabins. Your eyes bounced around the group, looking for someone in particular, though you didn’t know why.

Why? Were you truly that delusional? You must’ve been under some type of love hex. Had you Stockholm Syndrome’d yourself into being blind to his every fault? You couldn’t help it - you couldn’t deny the feelings you retained.

“Where’s…?” Your words faded off, thinking better of it. Maybe this was the wrong time. They probably didn’t want to hear about the dude who just tried to send them on a one way trip to heaven. It was too late, your words had been picked up by Fuyuhiko’s relatively undamaged ears.

“Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” He scoffed, yelling over from the pool. “He ran off as soon as he got the chance. Didn’t waste a second to make sure you were okay. You’re still worried about that asshole? He just tried to fucking kill us! You must be as crazy as him. I’m starting to think so, at this point…” 

“Fuyuhiko…” Sonia warned, a small frown creasing her porcelain face. Fuyuhiko sighed deeply, backing off the attack. He didn’t mean that last bit, he was just frustrated. He threw in the towel, too tired to continue putting up a fight. The old Fuyuhiko would've laid into you a little longer. True to his word, he was a changed man. He shook his head and went silent, disappointed in you to say the least.

You were a bit disappointed in yourself as well, frankly. Why did you still want to see him so badly, to make sure he wasn’t hurt, to make sure he knew you still cared? You didn’t know what you’d even do if you saw him again. The mix of fear, confusion and foolish adoration was potent within you right now.

After assessing everyone’s needs and injuries, it was decided that you all were to go to your cabins and rest for the night. Tomorrow, you would go as a group to the new island unguarded by its Monobeast and resume the search for the truth and freedom.

“Everyone just… yell as loud as you can, or run out of your cabin and alert the others if… if anything happens,” He looked you in the eyes as he spoke those last few words. Hajime chose the phrasing carefully but you all knew what he meant:

If Nagito came around looking to further this deranged and deadly plan of his. 

They said as he ran off he was blabbering on, yelling about the “end of Jabberwock Island” and such. It was pretty clear to the entire group that whatever he had in mind would mean chaos and peril for everyone still left alive.

~

Now back in your cabin, the sun had long since set as you continued to pace back and forth across the floor, from the full length mirror on your sliding closet door, to the entrance, then over to the small bathroom area and back again. You’d not even taken the time to shower and change your clothes. You were still a mess, your thoughts too busy to care about the blood and grime coating you.

Your mind raced, taking in everything that had happened so far in this nightmare of a class trip, taking in everything that could happen fairly soon. 

Your mind bounced to Nagito, purposely being coy when you all needed his mind desperately during trials. 

To Nagito, who actively tried to hurt someone in the very first trial, who offered to help a blackened if they ever needed him.

To Nagito, who held you close at nights and who you could open up to for hours. The same Nagito who you’d fallen for, body and mind, and who now was an object of fear and anxiety for you.

Were you really scared of him now…? Your Nagito?

A quiet knock at your door shook you out of your pacing routine. You figured it was Hajime, arranging another group meeting or maybe sweet Sonia coming to check up on you. Rushing to the door, you opened it just a crack and peeked out.

Your blood ran cold, a shiver shot down your spine. You’d never reacted to seeing him like this before. Not even close.

“Hello there, (Y/N). Oh wow, you look awful…” Nagito smiled gently at first, then the corners of his mouth slightly drooped, downturned at the state of you. You looked yourself up and down once quickly, now acknowledging that you had in fact forgotten to wash up, overwhelmed by the day. A moment passed with your heart beat picking up quickly, and you began to merely stare at him silently through the crack, unsure of how to proceed. Should you scream? Should you warn the others? Even if Nagito wouldn’t hurt you, what if he made his rounds to the other cabins and hurt the others? He wouldn’t hurt you, right? That assumption of yours was correct, right? You weren’t so sure anymore. “Well, are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna let me in?” He smiled innocently again before pushing his way past you and into the expanse of your personalized cabin. Your safe space.

“Nagito…” You let yourself exhale the breath you’d been holding in, turning to close the cabin door behind him. You hesitated on the door knob, contemplating making a break for it right then and there. “What are you doing here?” You tried to keep your voice steady and even, even as your chest thumped.

“What?” His brow furrowed, rounding on you as you closed shut the door and turned to face him. “What do you mean? I always hang out with you here!” Was he just not going to acknowledge today, when you literally could’ve died due to his actions? “I kinda missed it, you know, the smell of your cabin, your smell. Being in the funhouse all those days was such a bummer.” Approaching you in two strides of his long slender legs, he took you tightly into his arms, nevermind the dirt and ash that transferred from your clothes to his.

“N-Nagi-” your words were muffled into the fabric of his green jacket, and for a moment your spine stiffened, not sure how to receive the hug. You corrected yourself though, and relaxed, embracing him back. Nagito was volatile right now, extremely unstable, and you didn’t want to be perceived as disloyal, untrusting. Nothing to trigger him. He was clingy and needy with you quite often and that part you didn’t mind. You cared for him the way he was… but who he was had slowly been changing. Ever since he entered that damned Final Dead Room.

Nagito didn’t miss a thing, however, and you knew that. Your hesitation to hug him back made a blip on his radar.

“Is everything alright? How is my little ray of hope tonight?” He pulled back a bit, holding you at arm’s length to observe your features closely. This was so uncomfortable: the scrutinizing gaze, the sorry state of your body at that very moment, the sweat that began to bead on your forehead.

“Well, Nagito, you…” you wanted to soften the blow, and so took the initiative to this time hug him first, leaning your head onto his chest. This is what he wanted, right? Play along, don’t slip up. It’s funny, when your head rested flat against him and you inhaled his familiar scent, you felt that warm feeling that made you fall for him for just a second, until you began to finish your thought. “... today… earlier today… why did you do that? I mean… how could you, to me of all people? What if… I mean what if that explosion killed me?” Your heart beat sped up.

“Oh, silly, it wouldn’t have!” He replied as if the answer were obvious. “You’re my shining hope, my everything, and that bomb was only intended to disrupt the plans of those who were there to trap me! I was one step ahead my love. You were never in any true danger.” Ironic, as he ran a hand up and down the arm with the deep cut on it.

“Well, how would you know for sure? What if I were standing where Kazuichi was? He got the brunt of it…” you asked, but you knew whatever answer he had for you wouldn’t calm your aching heart.

“I relied on my luck, of course! It’s all I have to rely on now: you, and this useless ‘talent’ of mine.” His tone was bittersweet. His luck? He really left your safety up to his luck? Sure, you’d never seen it fail him before, but seriously…

“About that… Nagito,” you pulled away, expectantly unsatisfied with his reply and no less terrified of the inner workings of the man in front of you, “what’s made you feel this way, all of a sudden? Sure, our classmates were a little wary of you, but we were friends, all of us. You had them, too. What changed? In the funhouse you - well ever since the Final Dead Room, you’ve changed. In the trial, you said you’d learned about Hajime and how he doesn’t have an ultimate talent, and the secret behind the funhouse’s design… but there’s more you aren’t telling us… I can feel it.” Walking over to a chair beside your bed, you sat down, wrapping your arms around your middle defensively. You felt small and vulnerable under his gaze, which followed you like a hawk.

He didn’t like hearing that - that he’d changed - not from you. You were the only one exempt from his plans, even if you didn’t know it at the time. He loved you and you loved him, and he didn’t want anything to change about that. This couldn’t be just another thing that his miserable life ruined for him. For now, he ignored it, deciding that maybe letting you, the only one he could truly trust, in on his little plan would ease your mind and bring you back to him whole.

“You’re right as usual, my love.” He stood in the center of the room, gesturing as he began to get off of his chest all that he’d gleaned from his time in the funhouse. “How perceptive of you. My little hope is so incredibly smart. It’s one of the reasons I know you’ll guide this useless pack of idiots, including myself, to the highest potential our negligible little lives could ever reach!” How could you have guessed at that time that he meant when he and all the rest he deemed unfit were long gone, wiped from this world by his own will? “I’ll let you in on it, if my little bird promises not to chirp to the rest of the flock, of course…” He grinned at you as if he were a mischievous little kid about to announce a school prank and not a man dead set on getting his classmates killed. You nodded instinctively, not prepared at all for what you were about to hear. “Well it’s quite simple, really. We’ve known about the existence of a traitor for awhile now, right? We thought this entire time that the one of us who was not like the others was to blame for this entire thing, that the despair that ensnared us and caused death after death was caused by this ‘traitor’, right?” You nodded again, wanting desperately to appease him in any way you could. “Well, we couldn’t have had it more wrong, and as my reward for winning the ultimate roulette in the Final Dead Room, I was allowed this knowledge to share - or not share - as I please.” He was smirking now and your heartbeat began to pick up once again. You did not like that look in his eye. The pale planes of his cheeks began to get rosy with that self-satisifed expression he often donned when he knew his plans for hope were on track.

“W-what do you mean, Nagito?” Your voice shook and you sat up in your chair, shifting uncomfortably in place, a motion he noticed immediately. Again, he didn’t appreciate that reaction from you one bit. Why were you so uneasy around him tonight? His mind couldn’t comprehend it.

“Turns out, this whole time,” he held his arms out to each side as if surrendering himself to the powers that be, “It was us! We were the wicked ones. We were the despair, the disgusting evil that clouded all hope.” He began to chuckle at the irony that only he understood in his words. “This ‘traitor’ is the only one who can stop us! They are meant to save the world from the plague of our very existence!” He began to chuckle, a devious and unstable sound emanating from his core.

“H-how could you mean - I mean… Nagito, how could we be evil? Why would you think that? We have been working together to stop Monokuma this whole time. It couldn’t be -”

“Does it really matter how? It’s the truth! I know it is!” He cut you off, startling you as he approached and sank to his knees in front of your chair. Leaning in, he took your hand in his clammy, translucent one. He kissed the tops of your knuckles sweetly - a gesture he often did when you were alone together - and you went rigid, unsettled by his manic words. Another reaction he frowned at. “I mean, you believe me, don’t you? Have I ever been wrong before? Every time I tell you who the blackened is, I’m right! Every mystery I’ve uncovered on this island, every deduction I’ve shared with you and only you, has been correct! Every time I’ve been ‘wrong’ to them, I’ve chosen to play dumb. I’ve never lied to you, I wouldn’t!” He looked frantic, his eyes darting back and forth between yours. When you didn’t reply, he continued. “The traitor, they are the one, true hope for our vile and corrupted lot!” He smiled, again, as if this were the obvious conclusion one should draw from his words, but you just couldn’t see your friends as the monsters he portrayed them as. You couldn’t even see him that way. It just didn’t make sense. Maybe whatever he read in the Final Dead Room was just more lies, planted by Monokuma as a motive to sow more division. Nagito was too smart to fall for that…

“So, what is the solution, then… your plan?” You were almost too afraid to ask, having a good idea of what it would be. His frenzied grin softened into a straight and very serious line. You felt your stomach twist itself into knots.

“Well… we have to go, of course. All of us, except for the traitor.” He stated plainly. Eyes widening just a tick before going neutral again, you tried not to convey the abject fear in your heart. “We all have to die, it’s the only way. The traitor will go on, as the only ray of hope we have left.” With that, you yanked your hand from his grip, and his eye twitched in response.

He was willing to kill you all? All of your peers, your innocent peers who had been through so much already, together… snuff them out just like that?

“Nagito… you know who the traitor is, then…?” His head tilted at that, like a curious puppy confused at his owner’s words. “The one you’re going to spare, you know who it is?” Did it even matter anymore? At this point, the Nagito you loved was long gone. You needed to warn the others. His answer mattered to you personally, nonetheless. Your brow furrowed, your psyche overstimualted by this entire conversation. You pressed him. “Nagito… you know who the traitor is, right?” A little sterner this time, you waited for an answer that would never come. Almost as if he were too prideful, or maybe too ashamed to admit he would have to rely on his luck yet again to meet his goals, he ignored your question.

Chills running throughout your body, you quickly shot up out of the chair. Standing abruptly and causing the slender man to stumble back a bit, you steadied your shaking hands by balling them into fist at your side.

“(Y/N) -” Nagito began as he stood to meet you. Why were you acting like this? Didn’t you have the same goals as him? Didn’t you see the necessity of this plan? Didn’t you love him as much as he loved you? Didn’t you know that know that you - his unbreakable hope - the only pure thing on this miserable island, had to be the traitor? How could it be anyone else? He couldn’t be one hundred percent sure, as the file in the Final Dead Room didn’t name you specifically, but it just had to be you. It had to be. He would delude himself until his last breath.

“O-okay, Nagito, I agree! Yes, y-you’re right of course!” Play along, (Y/N), play along, your survival instincts screamed at you internally. Now it was Nagito’s heart that began to beat fast. He could sense a lie a mile away, and you knew that. Was he truly losing you? “Tell you what, let me shower, I can’t stand this filth on me for one more second.” You forced a nervous chuckle. “After that, I’ll meet you somewhere, um… away from the cabins so the others don’t find out, and we can discuss this further.” In reality, you were hoping that as you showered, he would leave to find a meeting place so that you could run to the other cabins and warn the others. He took a step toward you, and you took a step back in turn. He cringed at that, a hand reaching out weakly for your touch. It fell to his side when you backed away until your back was at the bathroom door and you reached behind you for the handle. “Okay? You go scope out a safe place for us to meet!” You looked for confirmation, fake smile still plastered across your face until your jaw hurt from clenching so hard.

“Okay, (Y/N)...” his heart broke at your willingness to lie straight to his face. You’d never done that before. You would always be honest with him, even with the silliest thoughts. You nodded in reassurance, slipping into the mini bathroom afforded to you by Monokuma and closing the door. It was a modest thing, a small alcove in each cabin with merely a shower stall, sink with a mirror, and toilet all snug into one tiny area. You undressed like the wind, ready to take the quickest shower of your life. Just a rinse for the blood and dirt, running the water long enough to be convincing and you were out. You needed time to run to at least a few of your classmates' cabins before Nagito got back. Whoever you got to first could spread the word. You slid the glass shower stall door open and jumped inside, not even waiting for the water to warm up.

Soaking yourself promptly, you began to scrub off the day you’d had with a small wash cloth nearby. Mere minutes into your shower, you heard the small bathroom door slam open. Freezing instantly, you halted all motion and stared at the figure in the doorway that was a blurry mess of greens, creams and whites through the frosted glass of the shower door. Without a word, the figure approached the shower door and you felt your body go into fight or flight mode, adrenaline kicking into high gear.

This was it… you thought. You were sure that if you were the traitor, you would’ve known. The traitor was still out there, hiding their identity, and now Nagito was going to do exactly what he said he was going to do. You had to go… hope for the world was the end goal that superseded romantic feelings. Your life flashed before your eyes, and you thought of your friends, and how you failed to save them.

Nagito threw open the sliding door, and you fell back against the beige tile behind you, hands flying up to protect your head and face. You didn’t know how he would kill you, but braced for an expected blow. Exposed, defenseless and naked, vital organs unprotected, you began to sob.

“No! Nagito, please!” You screamed at the top of your lungs as he entered the shower stall in a panic, clothes and all. He clapped one cold hand over your mouth, a hand that was shaking. Instantly, tears sprang forth from his own eyes. Were you really that scared of him?

“No, don’t scream, please! Please, (Y/N)!” He released your mouth, throwing his arms around your shoulders in a crushing embrace. The shower head continued to spray down, soaking him now along with you as he clung to you like his life depended on it under its stream. His wild, long locks clung to his neck and forehead and his wet jacket weighed him down. You both stood weeping onto each other freely, Nagito from a broken heart, and you from shock. You were too terrified to move, to care that you were completely nude. He didn’t seem to care either, crushing you in his grip. He was a lot stronger than he looked.

“Nagito… Nagito please…” you pleaded, still not entirely sure these weren’t your last moments.

“I can’t bear to see you terrified of me. You’re… you’re the only one…” He could barely speak through his choked out sobs. He shook his head vehemently, needy for your touch. His hands roamed up and down your back desperately. He needed to feel you there, to know you were real.

“What…?” You didn’t understand.

“You’re the only one,” he sniffled, “who shouldn’t be afraid of me! You’re my shining hope. You’re my light in this darkness!” Tears wracked his body. “Why would a complete and utter nobody like me, talentless trash undeserving of your love ever try to hurt you? I wouldn’t even dream of it. (Y/N), please don’t hate me. I couldn’t bear it!” His finger nails dug into your spine. He was conflicted, and couldn’t fight the swell of anger that contended with the sadness in his chest. It felt like you didn’t know him at all to think he would hurt you. You weren’t the despair he sought to end. You had nothing to fear.

“But, y-you said- !” You began and he interrupted, unable to hear any more doubts of his loyalty to you.

“I know you’re the traitor. I just know it! You’re too good, too perfect to not be…” You’d never heard him so unconfident in his own reasoning before.

“You can’t possibly know that, Nagito!” You spat back, limp in his arms.

“I do know it. I know it. I’ll bet my luck on it. I want it so badly, my luck has to come through. It’s you, it has to be! I could never kill you. I could never get you killed. The others are the despair, you’re the solution. I know it’s you. I’m gonna make it all right… just watch!” He stepped back, taking your puffy face in his hands, staring directly into your eyes. “You’ll make it out of here! You’ll survive the last trial and go on without me, my love. I know it’s you!” He was deceiving himself once again, daring to want something so badly, so selfishly.

He would never live to see just how wrong he was.

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu

You, your boyfriend Fuyuhiko, and your best friend Peko went way back. As a kid growing up on Fuyuhiko’s side of town, everyone knew to avoid Kuzuryu property. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately looking back at it, you were a pretty reckless as a kid, even if you weren’t now. You used to to slip through fences and past security cameras all the time to play with the blonde fuzzy-haired kid and the girl with the cool sword. Your parents scolded you when you came home, not knowing where you really were, but you always found your way back. The boy, who always had a temper, and the girl, who was the calm to his storm, repeatedly called you names, told you to never come back or his family would kill you, then played with you all day anyway. You had no idea what his family truly was, what the word yakuza really entailed, only that everyone said that part of town was dangerous. You didn’t see it that way, not when you played cops and robbers or samurai and peasant with your two best friends nearly every day. The boy, Fuyuhiko as you’d come to learn, would always rush you off the property if his father was coming home or when less friendly clan members came around, and you didn’t learn until years later why.

By that time it was too late for you to be scared of his yakuza status or Peko’s true strength now revealed to you. You were besties, and nothing was ever going to change that. Through middle school, you formed quite the crush on the petite bad boy, and although he still had a nasty temper and could be quite aloof at times, you wanted him all the same. A lifelong friendship bloomed into a romantic relationship - with hesitance on his part - and before you knew it, you were set to attend Hope’s Peak together. You kept your relationship secret from everyone save for Peko. Fuyuhiko insisted on this, for your own safety.

Now here you were, on this mysterious tropical island with all of your memories of Hope’s Peak wiped clean. You found that in general, many memories of your past were wiped clean, save for those few precious and essential ones. You remembered growing up with Fuyuhiko, your relationship with him, and Peko who you loved like a sister. Everyone else were strangers, strangers who seemingly also couldn’t remember how they got there or how you were all connected. You were all freshmen it seemed, and that was were it stopped.

Almost immediately after Monokuma’s appearance and monologue, Fuyuhiko had pushed both you and Peko away. He demanded you both pretend like you didn’t know him, treat him like everyone else and if need be, you’d meet in secret and away from prying eyes. This was to be a killing game with rules and trials, and no one else here seemed to know each other from their past. If the others found out you three were connected, you would no doubt all be dragged down if one of you got caught up in something nasty. Allies, a package deal and all that. He didn’t want your connection to him to put you or Peko in danger. He knew you’d both die for him, and he for you, and he wouldn’t let any of these idiots use that weakness against you.

~

The cat was long since out of the bag. Peko was gone and you’d helped Mikan nurse Fuyuhiko in and out of the hospital after his near-fatal wounds from trying to save the swordswoman from her from execution. Everyone knew of your relationship now, which meant no more sneaking around behind everyone’s back, but Peko’s life wasn’t the price you ever wanted to pay for that freedom. Along with Peko’s passing additionally came a visible change in your boyfriend’s soul. Though he still had that fiery temper, he controlled it with great effort now. He tried harder with people, forgave easier, loved better, appreciated more. The days of reflection in the hospital stirred something in him.

Weeks passed, and it was one tragedy after another. From the group giving you hell about keeping secrets, to tending to Fuyuhiko’s extensive wounds, to now finding Ibuki hanging from a rope and Hiyoko posted up against a pillar with her throat slit, your group couldn’t seem to catch a break.

Though Mikan and yourself begged him to get some rest - as his wound had already reopened once - Fuyuhiko insisted on investigating in preparation for the trial with everyone else. He was as strong-willed as ever. You searched the hospital with him for clues or evidence the blackened may have sloppily left behind. He was on edge, and you couldn’t blame him. Everyone was, these were the fifth and sixth classmates dead in the blink of an eye, and the killer was still on the loose. Your skin crawled and you were extra jumpy today. Every corpse you had to look upon took a little more of your innocence and vitality from you, and this maniac had already killed twice. What was to stop them from killing again?

Fuyuhiko insisted that he wasn’t scared of the blackened, quite the opposite. It was his rage aimed at them that would fuel his strength to move on and identify them. You knew him well, and knew when to back off when he was in a mood. Everything seemed to annoy him at the moment. It was hard to search with him and cooperate when he got pissed off everytime you fussed over his healing injuries. He kept swatting you away then apologizing for being irate and short-tempered. He just wanted you to stop babying him.

Just now bending over to search near a hospital bed, Fuyuhiko shot upright, jumping at a sudden sound that startled him.

“What the fuck-?!” He turned to the source of the loud crash behind him. You were splayed out across the floor behind him, a deep gash on your cheek spilling blood down your face as you sat up. “What the hell did you do?!”

“I just tripped! I’m fine!” You gestured with one hand to a small table you’d toppled over, holding your bloody cheek with the other. The contents on said table, various sharp little medical instruments and tools, were strew about and on top of your body. Fuyujiko glared at the hard counter top of the cabinet you’d hit your cheek off of on the way down. Now you knew how Mikan felt, always making a mess of her clumsy self.

“You’re a fuckin’ idiot! Why don’t you watch where you’re going?! We’ve got enough shit to deal with right now!” He kneeled down to your level and started rapidly picking up the various scalpels and knives around you.

“I’m sorry, ‘Hiko…” the shame was setting in. He was already ornery today and you’d somehow made it even worse. He leaned over your body, reaching for more of the small instruments.

“Sorry’s not gonna cut it! You-”  hovering over you, he lifted one of the razor sharp tools above his head in a clenched, angry gesture. You turned your head, gasping slightly and flinching away from him. Your free hand came up to cover your face with your eyes shut tight in a grimace. Upon seeing you recoil, cowering away from him like that, he halted, the rest of his complaint dropping off into oblivion.

He didn’t want to be like that anymore, remember? He reminded himself of his temper, of his talks with Hajime in the hospital, of Peko’s memory urging him to do better, of his display of humility to Hiyoko in the hotel restaurant.

He cleared his throat awkwardly, putting the instrument aside and gently pulling you to your feet alongside him.

“Come on, sit down. Let’s get you cleaned up.” He pushed you gently down to sit on the hospital bed and reached for some simple disinfectant, a cloth to put it on, and a large bandage. He began to pat the blood away. “We’ll have Mikan look at this later to see if it needs stitches, but this is the best I can do for now.” He noticed you avoiding his eye contact and his heart sank. “Hey…” He held your chin, titing your head to look up and meet his gaze. “I’m really sorry, okay. I would never lay a hand on you. That is a fact. Please… know this for certain.”

“I know, I just… I don’t know… I’m sorry I reacted that way.” His apology helped, but you still felt a little foolish.

“No, it’s me who should be sorry. There’s no need to get that angry, especially at you, especially for an accident.” He sighed, running a hand down his face. He had a long way to go. “Please slow down. Be more careful and worry about yourself as much as you worry about me. I can’t lose you, too.”

Hajime Hinata

You’d closed yourself up in your cabin for good, with no plans to go out in the foreseeable future. Every few minutes you checked the locks, on both the doors and the windows, biting your nails down to nearly bleeding. In addition to shutting yourself in, you’d shut the world, the island, and all your classmates out. You were a nervous wreck.

Mere hours ago, Nagito had blown the hotel lobby and everyone in it sky high. He’d finally lost what little marbles he had left. Nobody knew fully why, but he’d snapped too far beyond repair. Both you and poor Kazuichi were very near to the blast zone, and even now you felt a dizziness and slight loss of hearing. You were sure that over in his cabin, Kazuichi was feeling the same way. You wanted to pass out, to scream, to topple over in exhaustion but refused to let yourself leave your post. As much as you were tired and dizzy, you were equally as terrified. What if that maniac Nagito showed up again to finish the job? Though the vertigo threatened to take you down for the count, you were determined to stay vigilant. Your mind grew more and more dull and hazy by the second, though.

Hajime and the others wanted to go to the new island in the morning, and as far as you were concerned, they could search until their hearts were content. You’d given up. You’d been broken. You’d been beaten by Monokuma and this killing game. Why go to a new island? Every time you guys went to a new island to explore, someone died. Everyone was dying. There was a psychopath hell-bent on blowing you up - or worse - on the loose. You were content to stay in your cottage and rot away. Paranoid and eroded away from trial after trial, you’d refused to let anyone in, even your sweet boyfriend, Hajime, who’d already tried to come check on you several times that night. Even as the rain poured down from the night sky and lightning cracked consistently, he kept coming back. He was extremely concerned about you, but you just couldn’t do it anymore. You didn’t trust anyone anymore. You couldn’t.

You trusted Teruteru, and Peko, and Mikan, and Gundham, and Nagito… it was all too much. Who would betray you next? Who would stab you in the back when you least expected it for a chance at freedom as a blackened who got away with it? It could be literally anyone. Sonia had a country to get back to, an entire country waiting for her. Fuyuhiko had an empire. They all had a reason to live and you’d be an easy target in this state of barely conscious, injured and mentally broken.

You’d almost fallen asleep when a knock came at your door, again…

You almost chose to ignore it, but figured getting your body moving would keep you awake, so you forced your feet over to the door.

“Hajime…?” You assumed, your voice weak.

“Man…” he sighed loudly, muffled by the rain and the barrier of the door, “(Y/N)... you sound terrible. I really do think you have a concussion. Please let me in. I’m worried sick.”

“Please go away, Hajime. I’m sorry… I’ll be fine. I just -”

“I know you’re scared. You know you can trust me.” There was that word again… Moments passed in silent contemplation. “... I’m gonna keep coming back until you let me in. I’m soaked… please…” he whined, jiggling the door handle on his side. Now it was your turn to sigh. You rested your head against the door, senses dimming fast. He was probably right, you most likely did have a concussion. Your head ached, your vision was a bit blurry, the light of your cabin bothered your eyes. “You can’t just stay in there forever, you need medical atten-” The door swung open before him, and you hurriedly signaled for him to come in, swiftly locking the door behind him.

“No sudden movements. I’m a bit confused right now… everything’s a bit slow…” Your words slurred out but he seemed to catch them all.

“Yeah, no shit. You were blown all the way across the hotel floor. Come here, let me check something.” He took your wrist and stood you in the center of the room in front of him. He pulled a small flashlight he won from the gacha machine from his pocket and flashed it into your eyes slowly. “Try to stand still.” You were trying to, but swayed and stumbled regardless. “See, you can’t even do that much. Look, since Mikan is gone, we gotta let Monomi help us out. Let’s get you to the hospital.”

“What?! No, no no…” your heart beat quickened, feeling that paranoid panic set in again. “I’m not leaving this room.” The confusion was hitting again as you stumbled backwards a step and your back met the side of your bed. Was this a set up? You already let him in, now he wanted to get you out in the open? “Something’s gonna happen! I won’t go!”

“(Y/N), I promise I’ll get you to the hospital safely and I’ll stay with you the whole time. I know you’re scared but you’re being irrational right now!”

A thunderous boom sounded outside as high above your cabin the lightning cracked. In an instant, all of the lights wavered and went out. You cried out into the pitch black. You couldn’t see even a foot in front of you. This was definitely a set up. It had stormed plenty of times on this island, and the lights never went out like this.

Hajime reached out for you in the dark, and you screamed even louder at his touch. This was it, the betrayal. It was inevitable on this hell of an island. No one could truly be trusted.

“(Y/N), stop! Stop yelling!” Hajime grabbed one of your wrists in the dark, and you sank to the floor, too dizzy to stand any longer. He heard the thud of your butt hitting the ground, though he couldn’t see it, and sunk to his knees beside you.

“Please… don’t hurt me, Hajime…” the words tumbled out of your mouth lazily. You wanted to pass out so badly.

“Hurt you?” He sounded incredulous, almost scoffing. Turning the screen brightness all the way up on his e-handbook, he set it on the ground beside you both for some type of light, as meager as it was, and sat the flashlight beside it. He grabbed your face in his hands, gently shaking you to alertness. He’d heard it wasn’t good to let someone with a concussion fall asleep. “I’d never hurt you.” He stated almost matter-of-factly. “You’re just going through a rough time right now... Don’t talk like that. You know I’d never hurt you. I care about you, a lot.” He adjusted your position so you were sitting up a little straighter.

It pained him to see you this way. This killing game was stealing your luster, your goodness, your spirit. He’d noticed that your smile - a smile he loved so very much - grew smaller and smaller with each trial. Now it’d come to this. You were frightened of even him…

“I’m so scared, Hajime…”

“I know. I know you are.” He spoke with compassion in his voice. “Will you let me help you? Please…?” He waited for your nod of confirmation before continuing. “Come on,” he scooped one arm under your legs and the other under behind your back and stood with you in his arms. “We’re gonna get you the help you need. I know it’s hard, but we are a team. You, me, Chiaki, Sonia, Kazuichi, Fuyuhiko, Akane, we need to do this together. I know it’s hard to trust after all that’s happened, but I’m gonna keep you safe, and we’re gonna survive this, together.”

Kazuichi Soda

Kazuichi sat in front of the busted funhouse elevator, ass nearly numb from sitting in that position for hours. He was squatting before, until his knees began to hurt as well. You sat behind him, handing him tool after tool when he needed it and offering encouragement and advice when you could. Still, he was being testy and very short with you and the two of you had gotten into it several times today already. Nothing big, just a few little spats. You had to keep reminding him that you were only trying to help, but nonetheless he was in a foul mood.

You knew he was truly mad at the situation, not you. His anger was misplaced but it still hurt. You’d all been locked up in the funhouse for days without food and with minimal sleep due to Monokuma’s interference and everyone was on each other’s last nerves. Now the elevator was broken, and the Ultimate Mechanic was expected to be the one to fix it. He’d been at it all day, and with each set back or miniscule perceived failure, he got more and more irritated.

You handed him a wrench you’d gotten from the hidden room beyond the Final Dead Room. All the tools he was currently using were from there as well. Oh yeah, that was another reason he was so pissed off. He’d never admit to it, but the fact that you were smart and brave enough to pass the Final Dead Room’s test unscathed and here he couldn't even fix this measly machine irked him like nothing else. He felt like the word useless might as well have been stamped onto his head. After he let out yet another frustrated groan, stretching out his sore wrist, you sighed and spoke up:

“Hey, Kaz’, it’s okay if you can’t get it done today. Let’s get some rest. We need to conserve energy.” He looked at you as if you’d just called him the biggest loser ever.

“That’s easy for you to say! You’re actually contributing to the group! You don’t have the burden of feeling like a failure on your mind!” He gritted his sharp teeth.

“You are contributing by even trying to fix it!” You retorted, not appreciating his tone or him starting an argument with you yet again today.

“Oh, don’t patronize me! You just don’t get it! Everyone likes you and you’re good at everything you try! I can’t even do what I was literally born to do correctly!” He spat.

“Oh, Kazuichi, give me a break! It is not that deep! Nobody even needs to use the elevator at this very moment!” You shifted your position right next to him, crossing your arms over your chest in a pouting display.

“If you’re not gonna help, then just go away!” He leaned forward toward you, raising the wrench in his hand in exasperation. You jolted backwards, leaning away from him with a fright.

…

Things got really awkward, very fast. The air went dead silent and all anger drained from his face. He lowered the wrench as a blank expression took over, followed by one of slight embarrassment. Did you really think he was gonna hit you with it? A moment passed, and you both looked away from each other, refusing to make eye contact.

“H-hey…” Kazuichi hesitated for a second, then made up his mind. Grabbing your shoulder, he seized you into his chest and held you tightly. His mind flashed back to his years in the family shop, to glimpses of his dad screaming whenever he angered him, even hitting him sometiimes for fucking up on a car. He might have even deserved it - he thought - but you didn’t. For sure, you didn't. He respected but feared his father, and he didn’t want to make anyone feel like that, especially not you. “I would never hit ya like that! Y-you gotta know that, right?!” His voice broke as he fought back tears. “I’m sorry for being an asshole today. This place just fuckin’ sucks you know? I can’t take it anymore!” You felt wetness soak through your shirt on your shoulder though you couldn’t see his face. You returned the hug, pulling him tighter into yourself. You two sat like that for a long while, resigned to give the elevator another try sometime later.

Nekomaru Nidai

You and Nekomaru were kinda… a thing? It was complicated because you were two very different people, but there was a little spark, a mutual crush that was known of and whispered about by the other students. It was weird, because you two flirted with each other, but nothing really ever happened because when he was around, you felt like a flustered mess, a puddle of mush. He was an intimidating, extroverted mountain of a man, and it was easy to become nervous in his presence. It’s like you were touch-starved, head over heels for your handsome classmate and yet the thought of him touching you turned you into an anxious idiot at the same time. You spent a quite lot of time together but there was rarely any touching other than a motivational clap on the back or the slap when you made a good joke, maybe even a very platonic-feeling bear hug as a greeting every once in a while.

In fact, you saw more chemistry between him and Akane, or even him and Hajime, two people he hung out with all the time. Heck, he touched Akane a lot more than he ever touched you. It made you feel a bit jealous, even. You felt silly even admitted this to yourself, as he wasn’t even your boyfriend and could do whatever he pleased, but it was frustrating nonetheless.

You wanted to be mature, to be honest and communicate your feelings with him once and for all because the pining, the unfulfilled feelings were driving you crazy but it had totally blown up in your face. Turns out your relationship with him was a lot more complicated than you originally thought. The talk ended up as a bit of an argument… well, it felt like you were arguing and stumbling over your feelings while he didn’t seem to be upset at all, which made you feel even more overwhelmed. You felt childish, unable to express yourself in a way that didn’t feel humiliating. He always seemed willing to talk something out, but at the same time didn’t really seem to understand how you felt in any other way than on a platonic level. He motivated, talked to, trained, and fixed people for a living, but maybe sports and romance were just too different for this conversation to click in his head. Or maybe… you were reading the signs all wrong. Maybe he didn’t like you back at all. Maybe you and your peers had misinterpreted his fondness for you as flirting, and you decided to accept that. You respectfully asked him to forget about everything you said, and apologized for the confusion and awkwardness, making your swift exit.

~

Sulking, dejected and needing some alone time, you walked along the lengthy bridge that connected Jabberwock Park to the island that housed the supermarket and resort. The sun was in the process of setting, leaving the island nearly dark with last last bits of daylight.

“(Y/N)!” You looked up from your navel-gazing to see a large figure bolting toward you at the speed of light. Nekomaru’s sudden appearance startled you even though you knew the guy to be loud and over the top. At that distance, you may not have been able to tell it was him in this little lighting if he weren’t yelling out your name. You’d recognize the voice from a mile away. As he finally approached, not the least bit out of breath, he began to speak immediately.

“Hey, (Y/N)!” He seemed a bit different, a bit less charged-up than his usual state. It was like a calm state of focus.

“Hey… Nekomaru.” You smiled weakly, still extremely nervous standing in his shadow. You had to tell yourself that you only felt this way because you liked him, and you had to let go of those feelings. “What’s up?” You twiddled your thumbs timidly, eluding the eye contact.

“I wanted to talk to you about earlier. When we chatted… well, I’ve been thinking about it all day. It’s been bothering me! So…” His brow furrowed. It wasn’t often he was speechless. “Uhhh..” he stalled in his deep rumble of a voice. He took a step closer to you, and you took one skittish step back. It felt weird having him in your personal bubble. It bred butterflies in your stomach. You began to shiver. It was partly because of the chill in the evening air, and partly because you dreaded confrontation like this. You feared he would make this more painful and awkward than it already was. Why couldn’t he leave it be? You weren’t his type, you accepted that! You took another self-conscious step back.

“We don’t really need to talk about it. I get how you feel, it’s fi-” a gasp passed through your lips as his massive hand suddenly flew down toward you. You flinched backward just a tad and felt your heel slip off the edge of the bridge. His hand found its desired destination around your waist and he pulled you in snugly to his wide, warm chest.

“W-why did you do that?” You looked up at him, your face pulsating with warmth just underneath the skin. He raised a brow apphrehensively at your reaction.

“You were shaking, so I figured you were cold. Plus, you were about to fall off the bridge. Two birds, one stone! Bet you’re warmin’ up now, huh?” He grinned down at you briefly before the wary expression took over again. “Hey, I know I’m a big dude an’ all, but you don’t need to be afraid of me or anything…” he mumbled and you could feel him speak from your position smashed against his chest. You looked down now, a bit ashamed that you made him feel that way. You didn’t know why he cared what you thought of him, but you could hear the slight hurt in his voice.

“I’m not scared of you, Nekomaru… quite the opposite…”

“Whaddaya mean?” What did he mean what do you mean??? Was he really that clueless? You literally had a whole conversation about this earlier today. Did the meaning of your words fly totally over his head… or were you just not clear enough?

“Nekomaru… I’m not scared I just…” you paused, debating just shutting up then and there, “I just get really nervous around you because… I really like you. Like as more than a friend…”

“You do?” Why did he sound genuinely surprised?

“I told you so earlier…”

“You did?!” He donned a puzzled look, and you looked up at him, incredulous. “No way!”

“I told you how I felt earlier, and you didn’t seem to feel the same so I let it go!”

“See, I told you it’s been bothering me, because I couldn’t for the life of me understand what you were so upset about earlier!” He threw his head back in one of his endearing, hearty laughs. What was that stereotype? Dumb jock?

“I mean, I tried to tell you, without being too forward or blunt. I was afraid you’d reject me…”

“Haha! Next time, why don’t you try to be more straightforward and honest with your feelings? It feels good!” He flexed the arm that held you close, giving you a good squeeze. You felt your cheeks warm up sheepishly.

“Like I said… you make me nervous…” you chuckled diffidently.

“Well, what do you say we try that talk again?” He began to resume the walk across the bridge, with you under his arm. “This time, we both be clear adn honest with each other?” His eyebrow wriggled rather mischeviously. “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results.”

Twogami / Ultimate Imposter

You’d spent nearly all of what little time you’d been on the island with Byakuya. You were starting to form a little crush on him, and he was rather fond of you as well (not that he’d ever openly admit it) so he allowed it. You of course knew about the Togami family’s power and influence, everyone did, so you found yourself a bit shy around him, but having fun at the same time getting to know him. You were a bit of of a people pleaser, both curious about him and eager to help if he needed it. There were times when you two simply hung out, like two normal people, and sometimes he even seemed to find you as fascinating as you found him. When he found himself asking one too many questions about you, however, he always seemed to reel it in, pulling back like he had some type of wall up.

You were fine with it. You’d just met a few days ago after all, and the friendship… or something more, would form when it formed. You didn’t want to force it. You were already feeling a bit silly and about wanting to connect with the Ultimate Affulent Progeny in the first place. Someone with his wealth and status could probably spend his time with anyone he wanted.

The threat of the start of a potential killing game was putting everyone on edge, even the scion himself, though he carried it better than most. He genuinely looked like someone your class might be able to look to as a leader.

The group had decided to throw a little party later that night, and you offered to help Byakuya tick off and confiscate all weapons or even potential weapons in the old building that would house this party… for some reason. Every loose wooden plank, every butter knife, every pointy object had to go. It felt like he knew something no one else did… but, you happily followed along, helping him with this task. Honestly, though, on the inside, you feared he was being a little too uptight. How would he enjoy the little get together tonight in this state of uneasiness?

In between locking up items he dubbed nefarious and double checking every corner of the building, you two actually got to know each other a little better. After hours of work, he was satisfied. All the while, he seemed to be watching Teruteru and Nagito like a hawk as the two shuffled in and out of the building preparing tonight’s dishes and cleaning respectively. What was Byakuya hiding from you? Why all the suspicion? Did he genuinely think one of your classmates would kill someone tonight? That was just insane to even think about.

Trying to ease his mind, you started up an innocent conversation.

“You shouldn’t worry so much, really! Tonight will be great! I know it. I brought my good luck charm and everything!” Smiling and seeking to distract his tense mind, you brought a little trinket out from your back pocket. In your flattened out hand you displayed a little baby blue pocket knife, barely the size of your palm. “My dad gave it to me when I was really little, and I -”

“What is wrong with you?!” Byakuya’s hand shot out toward you to grab the small blade and you flinched backward, holding your hands up defnesively and dropping it onto the floor in the process. The sudden, angry movement had frightened you, especially coming from a man who knew how to hold an intimidating presence.

The silence then was palpable as it hung in the air, and he, the real him, wanted to apologize, to explain himself and express regret for overreacting. He wanted to say that you’d been a joy to hang out with these past few days and that he’d never raise a hand to you, but Byakuya Togami would never lower himself to say these things… and right now, he was Byakuya Togami. He steeled himself to speak.

“I was merely going to confiscate the blade from you. What a gross overreaction…” He spoke condescendingly. “Do you really think me some animal, some lesser beast who physically assaults people? Don’t insult me so…” He scoffed, plucked the blade from the ground and pocketed it. “I don’t know what kind of men you’ve dealt with, but clearly you’ve been hanging around with the dregs of humanity.” Crossing his arms nonchalantly over his chest, he left you there without another word, satisfied that his facade had remained in tact. Inside, it burned, it hurt to be so cruel to such a sweet person like you. He left to make final preparations for the party tonight and you stayed behind, offering to help Teruteru and Nagito since you were already there. It would take your mind off of the humiliation you just suffered.

~

Early into the next morning, when Monokuma dismissed the survivors of the very first class trial back to their cottages at last, you’d nearly missed it as you crawled onto your bed in a tired, traumatized ball:

A rectangular black box sat on your bedside table. It wasn’t yours, and you were sure your cabin door was locked. How did it even get there?

You opened it cautiously and found the most expensive looking, elegant, and elaborate looking pen in the world within. On one side was the Togami family crest, engraved delicately and masterfully. Tucked under it was a small note. You read it, tears welling up immediately.

A replacement good luck charm - T

Gundham Tanaka

Gundham felt totally secure with you, a feeling he’d never truly felt with anyone else. He’d never state it in plain words, but it was true nonetheless. You’d always been accepting of him and his rather eccentric ways. He didn’t need to feel like an outcast around you. He felt completely seen, understood on a whole new level. He could’ve sworn you cast some sort of spell over him, the way his cheeks and the tips of his ears would feel like they were on fire when you complimented him or held his hand. He nearly burst into flames when you once pecked his cheek with your soft lips after he carried a bunch of stuff back to your cabin for you as a favor.

You two spent nearly every day together. Everyone knew you two were a thing and you didn’t mind the teasing. You had no reason to be ashamed of how you felt about Gundham. He was the kindest soul you’d ever met, it just took a little digging to figure that out. Other than Hajime and Sonia - the only other two who really tried to get to know him - you were the only one who he’d let tend to the Devas. You often held them, fed them, watched them in your cabin when Gundham showered or needed a short break. The hamsters and Gundham himself provided a much needed light for you in the darkness of this killing game. The little things you did with him mattered so much to you. You appreciated every moment when in this place, you could be very much dead the next day. You swam at the pool and went shopping at the supermarket together on the main island, ate at the diner together on the second, hung out at the music venue together on the third, and now, trapped in the funhouse with starvation as the motive, Gundham insisted that you share the sound-proof, luxury room with him.

You’d initially gotten extremely flustered by his request but eventually accepted. Gundham didn’t seem to think twice about it. You supposed he was so naive to romance that he saw nothing wrong with you two sharing a bedroom at all. Maybe he did know, but cared more about your safety than the embarrassment. You knew he’d never do anything without your express permission anyway, so after deliberating, decided it was a non-issue. It was unusual for Monomi not to pop up to protest, however.

~

Days into being trapped in the funhouse, you sat at the small desk in your room feeling like a total asshole. You’d been in an argument with Gundham earlier, one that you’d totally started and knew you were in the wrong for. You rarely ever had a disagreement with him, much less gotten into a full-on fight. It was a bit one-sided however, as you yelled and complained while he just tried to reason with you and ultimately ended up leaving you alone in the room for some space. You regretted it the instant he left, and had made up your mind to apologize the second he returned. You were miserable: starving and dead tired from Monokuma Tai Chi every morning, but that was no excuse for your behavior. Everyone else was hungry and cranky, too, and you’d taken your anger out on Gundham for no reason.

You pulled out the headphones and small MP3 player Hajime gifted you when you hung out a few weeks back and slumped forward on the desk, moping as you put the headphones in and blasted the music as loud as the cheap earbuds would allow. You had to pass the time somehow, and walking around looking for Gundham when he’d eventually come back here to sleep would waste what little energy you had left. There was a small part of your mind that wondered: what if he didn’t come back? Your heart ached. Everyone was starving… someone would have to kill soon to get out of this hopeless situation. You could only hope and pray that the last thing you said to Gundham wouldn’t be that hateful nonsense. You let yourself zone out, head down on the desk and eyes closed lazily. You began to doze off and wouldn’t know how long you were out.

You awoke to the music still blasting in your ears and a tap on your shoulder.

“Hmm?” Groggily you turned to see Gundham behind you. Gripped tightly in his gauze-wrapped hand was a large, sharp knife the length of your forearm. Your eyes widened and you screamed, taken off guard by the frightening sight. “Gundham, please, no!” It was a bit odd that he looked more shocked than you did as you backed away from him, falling off the chair and onto the floor behind it with a thud. Tears began to stream down you face. 

You didn’t think it would end like this, but it was kinda of the perfect location. The room was sound-proof, after all. You just never expected a betrayal this cruel. Maybe you should’ve. After all this time, all of these deaths, it was naive to truly trust anyone on this island. Why did it have to be him though of all people? Maybe he had to do this. After all, the Devas were starving, too, and they meant the world to him. Getting out meant saving them as well.

Tossing the knife onto the bed, he rushed over to you, kneeling to the floor and tearing the earbuds out of your ears.

“What sort of demon has possessed you?!” Confusion coated his visage and the Devas hopped down from their master’s scarf and swarmed you, sensing your distress.

“What do you mean?! You just scared the shit outta me!” Fresh tears sprang forward with your frustration.

“That was never my intention, my beloved…” he shook his head apologetically.

“Well you can’t just pop up out of nowhere with a knife like that, especially in a situation like this! I thought you were about to fucking murder me!” 

“I assumed you knew that I would never do you harm, so I didn’t see an issue with my approach… These other peasants would do well to fear my dark powers, but I thought you knew that my loyalties lie with you, dear one!” He pulled off one of his dramatic gestures. You pulled your knees up into yourself, suddenly feeling very stupid.

He proceeded to explain that while he was gone, he’d decided to take on the Final Dead Room in hopes of finding a route of escape from the funhouse because he couldn’t stand to see you suffer like this for a single day more. Instead, he came upon a cache of weapons of every sort and size, and begged you to keep that fact a secret. Pulling you to your feet, he sat you down on the bed and handed you the knife.

“Since I can not spirit you away from this hell, I have chosen to provide you with the means to defend yourself should I ever fail to. Hide it somewhere that is always accessible to you and no one else. And my darling, I beg of thee,” he pleaded, “cease all usage of that wretched machine!” He pointed to the MP3 player discarded onto the ground. “You must be on your guard at all times in this place, especially if the Devas and I are not there to guard you.” Your bottom lip quivered, heart swelling at his concern for you, even after you screamed at him earlier. You sat the knife down and threw your arms around him, collapsing into his chest. You didn’t deserve him.

“I’m so sorry, Gundham! After I sat here and bitched at you for no reason, you went out and still thought of my safety? I’m so, so sorry!”

“Think nothing of it, dear one…” He mumbled, burying his red face in his scarf.

Teruteru Hanamura

Most of the your other classmates were repulsed or at the very least annoyed by Teruteru’s antics. His behavior: overtly flirty and forward, even to the point of perversion, was a major turn off for most of the people he talked to, but you actually really liked him. You found his one-liners funny, his pick up lines amusing. He was genuinely fun to hang out with, in your opinion. He complimented you a lot, and you would playfully tease and flirt back. He really seemed to enjoy the matching of his energy, and though you’d only known each other for about a week, you spent a lot of time together. He was usually showing you some simple yet delicious recipes and letting you taste test his meals (of course with a lot of innuendos built in) and you would share your interests with him while you cooked together. You noticed, also, that the more time you spent with him, the less time he spent bothering the others. Maybe all he needed was a little positive attention all along.

Tonight, all of your classmates would be attending a party, both to socailize and ensure that nothing could happen because you’d all be in the same place, which would leave too many witnesses, therefore making a killing unlikely. Teruteru of course was excited to do what he did best and provide the meals for the party, but his mood seemed to be like a rollercaster that day. As you spent hours helping him cook, sometimes leaving to take breaks or talk to the others, he seemed to go from flirty to worried, salacious to nervous, confident to angry. His mood seemed to turn foul when Nagito would waltz by the kitchen, passing through as he did his assigned cleaning duties in the party building. You noted this, but it was strange, as you hadn’t known Teruteru to particularly dislike any of your peers… Did he have an issue with Nagito? But Nagito was so chill…

No matter the reason for his mood swings, you took them for what they were and tried to help out by offering an extra hand (which he made a dirty joke about) or changing the subject when he got gloomy. You could only do so much to stabilize his mood, however, and eventually he seemed to just be barking orders or frustrated with you. He was already in a bad mood and you didn’t want to contribute to it. You weren’t a true chef anyway and you were probably just getting in the way, you figured, so you took a big tray of finished dishes and began to make your way out to the dining hall.

Your shoe caught onto a thick chord just outside the kitchen door, just a piece of junk Nagito hadn’t gotten to yet and you tumbled forward, spilling the entire tray onto the floor. You gasped as you hit the floor, your knees stinging with the impact. Teruteru, who witnessed the whole thing, ran over to you with a shriek to make sure you were okay. The melancholy melted away, and checking on you was all that mattered.

“(Y/N)!” Mistaking his tone for anger because of his previously existing foul mood, you were startled by his approach, flinching away, shrinking backwards slightly. You fucked up, you ruined the dishes he spent hours making. He was probably furious with you. He stopped dead in his tracks, shocked by that instinctual response from you. With your reaction, he finally realized how rude he’d been to you all night. It wasn’t your fault Nagito was up to no good, and even knowing what he knew, he shoudn’t have taken his mood out on you. He was pushing away the one person who treated him with such kindness and respect on this island. His mother wouldn’t have been proud of that. “Take my hand.” He extended it to you and helped you to your feet.

“I’m so sorry, Teruteru, your food-!” You began to apologize profusely but he cut you off.

“I can always make more. I enjoy making more. Are you alright? You took quite the spill!” He smiled warmly at you. “I shoudln’t have been so… intense earlier. My apologies.”

“Oh I’m fine! It’s okay. But, about the food… are you sure it’s gonna be okay? Can we really make more in time?” He nodded enthusiastically in response. When you beamed back at him, he felt his inside twist into a knot.

He had to stop Nagito tonight. It was decided. He didn’t know how, or the extent of Nagito’s plans, but he couldn’t let him start the killing game with that knife he’d caught him taping under the the dining hall table earlier that morning.

Because… what if Nagito chose you, as his victim?

#nagito komaeda #hajime hinata #teruteru hanamura #byakuya twogami #gundham tanaka #kazuichi soda #nekomaru nidai #fuyuhiko kuzuryu #x reader #danganronpa #sdr2 goodbye despair #sdr2 boys #angst #fluff #s/o #y/n #trigger happy havoc #v3 killing harmony #oneshot #fanfiction #reader insert #fanfic #imagines #danganronpa scenarios #sfw #scenarios #writing commission #commissions open #ultimate shsl

[clavissionary-position]

What Emma Would Do

Ignore me. This is just me working through my own thoughts and feelings on this. Also I'm an idiot.

***BIG EDIT: I misread and misinterpreted. Azel was nearly drugged and SA'd, so his reaction, however cruel, makes complete sense to me. If he was real I couldn't apologize to him enough.

Moving @/caffedrine's billion-dollar comments up here.

My original, misguided post is below the cut if you're interested.

I have to ask myself what Emma would do. Within reason. And only within the scope of this fictional game, because I'm not about to touch this topic as it exists in the real world. That's for people much smarter than me.

But for the game, my dismissing of Azel as a cruel misogynist without seeing his circumstances and worldview shuts down the conversation the same way it does when Azel dismisses a woman as a slut without seeing her circumstances and worldview.

(Did he actually use the word 'slut' or did google just translate 痴女 like that for me... I should double-check... edit: oh my bad, he calls her a "female molester", which... I can't say he's wrong considering she tried to give him an aphrodisiac...? The word also means "stupid woman", so he could very well have meant it that way too, especially for some reasons I get into later in the post.)

Soooo, he didn't actually call her a slut. I'm an idiot 😌 I'm sorry, Azel. Dunno if any of my points below mean anything, but I'll leave it here anyway:

The running theme in Ikepri is to look beyond the beast and see the human inside. To meet them halfway. To see their heart. And that heart is always so very terribly scarred. All these guys have gone through their own traumas and come out the other end behaving in ways designed to be armor, to protect themselves from any further pain.

I can only speculate about Azel this early in his story arc, but being showered with the same adoration and reverence that people only show a god, day in and day out, probably fucks with your mentality a bit if you are still only human at the end of the day. Having women try to seduce you only because you're The Living God, well, we saw what that kind of shallow treatment did to Silvio. Women see you as an object and so women become objects to you. You want to be loved, but you don't want to be hurt.

That might only be scratching the surface with Azel, though. He's also clearly jaded from listening to the same old interpersonal problems people have when in relationships. Love is actual trash to him, not even worth a single penny. It's trash because the very people who follow him prove it to him on a daily basis, I imagine.

Yet that's still not the full picture. I mean, we obviously won't have the full picture until his main route drops, but there's another key factor to consider with Azel.

He quotes Pascal in Licht's sequel. "Man is only a reed, the weakest thing in nature; but he is a thinking reed." The full quote goes onto say:

"All our dignity consists, then, in thought. This is the basis on which we must raise ourselves, and not space and time, which we would not know how to fill. Let us make it our task, then, to think well: here is the principle of morality.”

(Did I read the entire context of the quote? HA! What do you take me for? A scholar or something?)

Free will and independent thought is arguably the most important thing to Azel. He has no respect for the sheep who flock to him for direction (though he'll happily take their money and tributes). Even with the dancer who tried to seduce him in the prologue, when he tells her to lick up the food she dropped after he tripped her, he presents it as a choice. Nevermind that the staggeringly unequal power dynamics at play made it so this was nothing short of coercion in the end; there was no way the dancer was in a position to stand up for herself and say no, even if that's exactly what Azel wanted. But from his perspective, defiance would have been welcome. That's why he phrased it as a choice. That she started licking up the food only solidified in Azel's mind that this woman is an unthinking reed without dignity. If you're going to act like trash, he'll treat you like trash... maybe that was part of his thinking.

On a slightly different note, I think another reason he hates the idea of love so much is because love makes people lose their ability to reason, to think. I believe he outright says as much, iirc.

In the end, I don't know from where exactly Azel's fury and cruelty comes from. It could be all of these things, it might be something else entirely. All I can think is, you can't be 'God' everyday and not be scarred by humans.

In conclusion, I can't excuse Azel's behavior. I don't excuse it. But I think Emma would try to understand the why of it, like she does in any other route. The other running theme in Ikepri is that, as a certain someone would put it, the essence of all people is love. It's their environment that twists them. Somewhere in Azel is the purest kind of love. A kind that would make any god look away in shame. That's what I want to believe in, anyhow.

Also, I need stress that I was SO wrong about whether he actually called the dancer a slut or not. Google fucked me over by translating it that way! Ah, Azel, I'm so sorry!

#ikepri jp spoilers #ikepri azel #ikemen prince

[shantechni]

One thing I greatly appreciate about the 2012 series is that Raph's temper is rarely ever shown to be entirely on him, which might be hard to believe, but it's true.

Pivotal episodes that focus on Raph's temper are Turtle Temper, Slash and Destroy, The Good, the Bad and Casey Jones, Newtralized!, and Mutant Gangland.

Turtle Temper

We get our first front row seat to how Raph tends to let his anger carry him away to the point that the mission and his brothers became an afterthought, and everyone is right to be upset with him. A random, smacktalking slob isn't the end of the world, but after 15 years of hardly interacting with anyone other than your family, it only makes sense for him to be angry that this total stranger is managing to tick him off. But no one downplays the situation or tells him to just, "stop getting mad," they more or less told him to stop letting his anger do the work. Splinter said it best: "It was I who made his [Shredder's] words into weapons. That's the choice I made. What choice will you make?" Translation, you're allowed to be angry, but it's what you do with that anger that determines the outcome of things.

Slash and Destroy

This will always be in my top 10 favorite episodes solely for being such a good scenario of Raph's anger being a poison to someone he cares for, not just his family, but Spike. Firstly with his family, he's right to get mad when his comics are ruined, or when Leo constantly sticks up for Mikey, or when Donnie's experiment gets out of control and nearly hurts Spike. It's the accumulation of those things that makes him lash out and eventually take the mutagen to his room, greatly to the dismay of an already apologetic Donnie. Anyone who lives in a full house knows: he feels disrespected and stifled, going so far to wish he were out on his own.

Now for Spike, we obviously know the mutagen messed with him in more than a physical sense, but it's clear that Raph's angry venting didn't help either. Not only did Raph push his brothers away when they weren't intentionally agitating him, namely Donnie, but he's largely responsible for Slash's desire to get rid of his brothers. Slash thinks his and Raph's tempers are what make them stronger and better than the others, that they could be doing so much more without them. Raph doesn't agree with him, not even a little, because for as much as his family gets on his nerves, he'd miss them way too much to ever leave them.

When Splinter told him to meditate on it, he wasn't dismissing the fact that Raph was rightfully upset, but that he was letting his anger run on again. He needed to stop and think about why he was angry, and understand that Donnie didn't mean to nearly hurt Spike. That even though he treasures those comics, they're just comics at the end of the day. Whether or not he would've reached that conclusion without the loss of Spike is up to interpretation, but Splinter reminds Raph that he still has his brothers.

The Good, the Bad and the Casey Jones

It's a tried and true concept, but it never fails to be a good concept when Raph and Casey's tempers clash. Before that though, we once again see Raph lose control of himself due to his family and he's clearly bent out of shape over his lack of control, the guy attacked Leo without warning and has his brothers flinching away when he yells at them. His statement is an interesting one: "This always happens. I'm fine until those guys push my buttons. It's not like I was trying to hurt Leo. They just don't get it." Now couple it with this one from Leo: "What are you saying, Raph? It's not that you are angry, but we make you angry?" Raph goes on to refute that question before somewhat proving himself wrong when he snaps at their teasing.

The situation is never truly resolved because Casey leads some Foot Bots to the lair, but it's clear that Raph is half accepting and half in denial of having anger issues, and his brothers don't quite understand it themselves (explained by why they teased him and unknowingly made him feel like they weren't taking him seriously). But Leo seemed to get an idea from the earlier teasing when he tells Raph they were just "busting his shell." He doesn't say it with malice or like he was wronged, he's fairly apologetic despite the humor written all over him. And, in a way, Donnie and Mikey alleviate the situation in their own way by not reacting too much to Raph's outburst, or even when he returns. Donnie slips out a short quip and leaves it at that, because they know Raph just needed some time to himself without them messing around.

Newtralized!

The bigger focus of this episode is obviously the Newtralizer's plot for the Kraang and Slash's redemption, but Raph's temper is still front and center from the first minute of the episode. Though it's a fact that we've seen on display before, Raph getting angry because someone he cares for isn't being careful enough is still an important point, especially now since Raph is close enough to Casey to be angrily worried about his wellbeing. Though it's never directly addressed (Raph's argument is that Casey is holding them back and getting in the way), Raph learns over the course of the episode to not exclude Casey just because he's not as skilled as them.

Mutant Gangland

Lesgooo another favorite--starts rubbing my hands together. It might even be slightly higher than Slash and Destroy because Raph is less angry and more frustrated that he's stuck in the training phase with his brothers, feeling like they aren't doing any better when they can't go all out on each other. It's understandable, they just barely saved Earth from the Triceratons but most of that can only be attributed to Fugitoid's "sacrifice", then the Triceratons were the ones who finally put an end to the Kraang, not the turtles, and Shredder is still out there somewhere with his henchmen roaming the streets. Outside of feeling outclassed during their conflicts in outer space, Raph feels like they aren't doing enough.

But, since Raph pinned the blame on Splinter taking Leo's side, saying he's forcing them to hold back and that they clearly don't understand how he feels, Donnie saw an opportunity and shot back at Raph with the usual insult of him complaining about Leo all the time. That obviously makes him feel worse, and he storms out in typical Raph fashion. Splinter sets the boys straight though; aside from telling them that he won't always be there to play mediator, he tells Donnie straight up that he should grow up and could've responded in a more mature manner. They all need to learn to stop feuling the fire that is Raph and understand where he's coming from, and Donnie sees this in person when him and Mondo go after Raph and Raph doesn't immediately accept his apology.

(Excuse me as I geek out over season 4 being the season where we see them grow out of their bad habits, like Leo rushing Donnie to do something, the guys unnecessarily angering Raph, them underestimating Leo, and not taking Mikey seriously. Like, they still happen, but the boys quickly recognize when they've messed up and I just-)

Don Vizioso and his gang blows a hole in everyone's day of course, but by the end of the episode, Leo and Donnie apologize to Raph (who wasn't used to getting so many apologies at once), and Splinter reminds the turtles to not let their conflict separate them from each other.

-----

...So yeah I just really like that Raph's temper is handled nicely when it's threaded with the conflict of the episode, idk lol-

#sweats profusely as i hope no one notices this post was inspired by the Splinter comp posted to the tmnt channel #analysis #tmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt 2012 #tmnt 2k12 #tmnt raphael #tmnt leonardo #tmnt donatello #tmnt michaelangelo #tmnt splinter #tmnt raph #tmnt leo #tmnt donnie #tmnt mikey #2012 raph #2012 leo #2012 donnie #2012 mikey #2012 splinter #hamato yoshi

[moosieart]

Alrighty, here's more notes from my Jason Gotham Knights playthrough. I'm not finished yet, but what I've found so far is interesting. Also here's the link to my other post about the Labyrinth which I'll be referencing.

Starting off with basic observations:

When Jason first encounters and Owl's nest he states "Hello? I'm selling owl scout cookies.

Jason can somewhat play the piano. We only encounter playable pianos in Gotham Knights whenever you're infiltrating either an Owl base or the Monarch Theater, regardless both are one time story plots, making the the ability to play them very limited. While I haven't tried this with Babs and Dick yet, Tim can't (or won't) play. He just takes his hand and swipes it down the keys, whereas Jason plays a small part of a song. I don't know which one though.

The cutscene where Jason and Tim are bonding and working on Jason's weapons. This one is pretty familiar, Jason's weapons are leaning a little to far on the dangerous side of non-lethal. When Tim brings this up Jason dismiss it, stating most of their enemies wear heavy armor so it's fine. To make his point, Tim gets in front of Jason when he goes to shoot at a practice dummy, stating that if he really believes they're safe then to shoot him. Now the major thing people will notice with this scene is that Jason hesitates for a moment (I think he's remembering something, perhaps Titan's Tower if that happened in this universe?) before pointing his weapon away. Another interesting thing I noticed in this scene is that after he points his weapon away, Jason goes as far as removing the clip and also removing the rubber bullets. It's possible he's just doing this so they can work on it, but I think Jason is going to these lengths to show to Tim he won't hurt him (again). It's clear from an earlier cutscene where Jason had a knife and he absentminded pointed it at Tim to make a point about the conversation , but Tim flinched back and Dick subtly intervened. Something along Titan's Tower happened here, but to what extent I have no clue.

So far during my League of Assassins stuff they've not ambushed Jason. If you've played or watched the game then you might remember The Court and the League sometimes set up little traps to attack you while you're patrolling. Sometimes it's a hostage, but mainly it's a few dead bodies of the local gangs and a trapped chest with a bomb. In my other play throughs I've encountered a lot of this from both sides, but Jason's a little different. The traps are still there from the League, but nothing happens. I open a chest and it doesn't go off, it's a normal chest. And it's clearly the LOA because you can see black smoke hanging around the scene, which indicates their presence. With Jason they just back off and only interact during the main storyline. Is this perhaps because he was in the League of Assassins after his little bath in the green jello? Or maybe I'm not far enough in the plot for the League to really start attacking me, or maybe I'm experiencing glitches. Whose to say, but I found it very interesting.

I was kinda disappointed with Harley's and Jason's interactions. I mean, Jason was pretty chill and civil around her which is totally fine, but I was hoping for a bit more backstory nods. We have a lot to assume about the Gotham Knights universe, so any little bit helps. But nothing really was mentioned between those two. Even stuff with Talia hasn't been very fruitful so far. If cutscenes don't show me anything I'll have to do a deep dive in the audio files, codex, wiki, and any written materiel about GK. I need to know these people's back stories!

(A small side note of how I had this whole theory written out on how Tim might have been apart of the family before Jason died based on a cutscene, but then I remembered that Bruce's audio files explicitly state otherwise. Also that'd make my Titan's Tower theory have to many holes.)

Now for my favorite part, The Labyrinth!

(This is where my previous post mentioned before comes into play)

Now, during my last few playthorughs I've been trying to map out the reason behind how certain hallucinations happen, whether it's truly random or if it depends on which direction you take in the labyrinth. I haven't cracked it yet, but I hope that after playing as Dick and Babs I'll figure it out. Right now this is just my observations.

Everything in general has stayed the same, except for the order of what happens. Here's how this time went: Turned right at the Spike room, turned left at the phonograph room, weird floating vision, (accidentally walked into some spikes and got sent to the beginning but it lead to the next room without backtracking), turned right at Bruce's Grave, turned left at the Table Room, Vision of Jason in an Owl mask, Turned right at the Pit Room, vision of Bruce and the ending sequence. I got a couple of things different then my last analysis for Jason, but I'm leaning more on the different paths direction then the randomized. We'll see though.

As for the things Fake!Bruce says, it's pretty much the same thing as he said to Tim, only in a slightly different order. The only thing that was different was in the Pit Room, where he says "You were the worst Robin, no better then a killer. Now you're just nothing."

Anywho, I'm not done with Jaybirds playthrough yet, so I'll add to this post if I find anything else.

#dc #batfamily #Jason todd #red hood #gotham knights game #gotham knights #game notes #game analysis

[emmabirb8]

As much as I absolutely adore the Nandermo relationship dynamic, it can be so frustrating sometimes.

Like, Nandor loves Guillermo so so much, but he is too emotionally stunted and repressed to actively show him that in ways that Guillermo can understand, so Guillermo believes he doesn't feel the same way he does. That disconnect becomes even stronger with Nandor's tendency to reject Guillermo's efforts to show him how he feels, especially when he denies Guillermo's attempts for something as simple as a hug every single time. Because of this frustration and because Nandor is often dismissive, aloof, and emotionally closed off, Guillermo lashes out and strains what intimacy they do have, not even realizing how he's hurting his own chances of forming a deeper connection by doing so.

Meanwhile, Nandor does actually express his feelings in LOTS of different instances in his own himbo way, but because Guillermo isn't responding positively to those ways Nandor has found, Nandor is likewise led to believe Guillermo doesn't love him back. (Most everybody has figured this out, but that's why he's held out so long on making Guillermo into a vampire - in Nandor's mind, if Guillermo doesn't love him, he won't stay, but he will stick around if he wants Nandor to sire him.) It's a quintessential version of "the love is requited (very, very requited), they're both just idiots" trope. It's just that the "idiots'' part stems from a total lack of proper communication, both verbal and nonverbal, on both ends.  

See, these bitches are so intensely in love with each other, but they haven't quite figured out that they speak different languages when it comes to attempting to express that love. And I don't just mean that they utilize different love languages either (though Nandor tends to gravitate toward gift giving while Guillermo goes for acts of service). Both of them have actually expressed some form of each of the five love languages to each other at different points through the series. No, what I mean is that, being as repressed as they are, they each are at a point where they need direct, explicit, and blatantly obvious signals from the other to truly believe the love is requited. Buuuttt neither has yet found what those signals should be, partially because they each struggle with verbalizing their feelings (esp to each other's faces) and partially because they each require different signals to really get it. 

Nandor focuses on gift giving and taking action, such as saving Guillermo's life on multiple occasions and trying to make him more happy/comfortable in his role as familiar and bodyguard in various ways. And for someone so repressed and hesitant, that's great! He's at least developed some techniques over the years of showing how he feels. However, in order to convey those feelings to Guillermo clearly, he needs to be more emotionally vulnerable with him and express himself through words as well as actions. Stating his feelings directly is key for Guillermo in particular - it's been shown/implied at least a couple of times when they've had arguments that Guillermo would prefer Nandor be up front and direct about what he's thinking and feeling. And obviously, another important step would be for Nandor to stop his habit of rejecting Guillermo's advances and allow him to follow through on attempts to show his affection (such as through hugging - damn it Nandor, let Guillermo fucking hug you). 

On the other hand, Guillermo focuses on acts of service as well as taking action, such as becoming a vampire slayer in order to keep Nandor safe despite the fact he loves vampires. The problem with Guillermo's expressions is that for the most part, Nandor doesn't perceive his service and actions as indications of love. Nandor thinks Guillermo is only fulfilling his familiar and bodyguard duties and doesn't know or understand the full extent of how above and beyond Guillermo has always gone for his sake out of devotion and love. So for Guillermo to really get it through Nandor's head that he loves him, he needs to make a point to do activities with Nandor outside of his working hours as a familiar/bodyguard, and verbally say that he wants to spend time with him as a "friend" and not just go through the motions of his usual duties. This way, Nandor will (hopefully) understand that Guillermo values their time together and wants to be around him even outside of performing as a servant. And ofc, he ALSO needs to be more emotionally vulnerable and talk more openly with Nandor.

I'm obviously not a therapist, but I think this would fix them. At the very least, it would finally set them in the right direction of realizing and accepting their love for each other and doing something about it. Preferably in the form of Guillermo railing Nandor against that snazzy new bar of his until they both see stars. 💖💖💖

#what we do in the shadows #wwdits #wwdits fx #nandermo #nandor the relentless #guillermo de la cruz #nandor and guillermo #wwdits nandor #wwdits guillermo #wwdits analysis #wwdits meta #my posts

[dirtytransmasc]

^^ screenshot. blends in on mobile/dark mode ^^

that wasn't why she was mad though, well it was and wasn't. it wasn't that she had sex necessarily, but more the weight and nuance of it all, of Rhaenyra being the princess, who Alicent had been trying her best to serve the best interest of and protect in terms of betrothals and Viserys, having sex in a very public place. she was clearly upset and holding back tears when she confronts Rhaenyra that first time, but she isn't especially angry. she's angry when Rhaenyra lied to her face on her dead mother's name, going so far as to act upset and offended Alicent could ever insinuate anything about her, played the victim, had sex with two separate people in one night and said she was still a maiden (from Alicent's perspective she couldn't have known Rhaenyra only tried to have sex with Daemon and was unsuccessful, she could only believe that she had sex with both Daemon and Criston), and then used her power to have her father (the only person Alicent had) banished from kings landing, all the while she had put her ass on the line for her in front of Viserys, who never believed Rhaenyra to begin with. it wasn't simply the fact that Rhaenyra had sex, she's mad because Rhaenyra used her, hurt her, did harm to her name and the work both she and Viserys had put towards giving her a choice no royal girl, especially a princess, could ever imagine, and she spit in their faces.

there's also the fact that Cole admitted IMMEDIATELY what had transpired, asked not for forgiveness but for death, and admitted that it was dubcon. it's a very different situation. she also sympathized with the fact he felt great remorse for both the act of sleeping with the princess but also his breakdown that lead to the murder of Joffery. all we see is her stopping him and then a near decade has passed and they are close friends, we know nothing of how this friendship evolved, when she fully forgave him for his acts, what it took for him to earn her trust and forgiveness.

not saying either of them are saintly and perfectly correct in that situation, but you boil it down to the point that the situation is unrecognizable. you ignored all of the nuance on both sides. Alicent was never mad about the sex, upset yes, mad no, she was mad at how Rhaenyra could hurt her so horribly (amongst many other things. I don't think she, someone who shared her grief with Rhaenyra over their dead mother's, could ever get over how Rhaenyra lied on her name. me personally? I'd be sick to my stomach every time I looked at her for the rest of my days). Cole was coerced into sex, which he was honest and seeked death for repentance, had a breakdown and murdered someone (I won't defend this, you can't, he did murder an innocent person, that is a fact) but felt so guilty he tried to kill himself and seemingly spent the last 10ish years making up for it (where as I can name multiple people Rhaenyra outright in level head and mind maimed/murdered/otherwise allowed or dismissed the deaths/injury of, for her own goals and didn't give a second thought to so.... girly walks atop barely cooled corpse's time and time again).

#again #Alicent and Cole are not angels #as much as I love them I could never say that #I will say their situation is very different from Rhaenyra's #especially in how they handled it going forward #one side felt great remorse the other... not so much #one side had many justifications for their anger (even if it doesnt excuse all of their behavior) the other dug most of her own grave and #then did harm to others around her to cover it up (some blame can go to Daemon and Viserys. I can and will say that) #stop boiling down the situation to make Rhaenyra a saint and alicent the devil its tiring #alicent hightower #criston cole #rhaenyra targaryen #pro team green #anti team black #anti rhaenyra targaryen #anti team black fans #not gonna comment on the choice words they used for alicent. I don't think I can be that kind nor patient today #pro alicent hightower #my girl wasnt wrong for being angry #I would have been fucking feral #hotd #house of the dragon

[cinamun]

One thing that I think I've noticed as this story has progressed, and in general, is that we always expect and or look for reason in men's bad behavior. There is always a reason for them to do bad things, outside of them actively choosing to be a bad person. Someone must have failed them, she must have failed them, she must have failed him, etc.

Elliot tried to kill Hope. He tried to drag her with him into the abyss, and yet he was not viewed as an attempted murderer, but instead as a friend who had gone astray. Someone who needed more support or more attention. At his funeral, people wept over the fact that he couldn't be saved! It is always tragic when someone makes a fatal decision that harms themselves and others around them, but I notice that, especially in the black community, black women's victimization takes a backseat to the pain of black men.

Now we see something similar with Bishop. While it's interesting to ponder the complexities of why he is the way he is, Mercy is being preyed upon! She sets boundaries, and he crosses them, always with an undertone of violence. There is talk about whether he cares or if he can change, and it falls into that same line of thinking. "If I love him more, then he'll do right." "I can fix him" "He just needs..."

Anyway, let me know if I'm way off the mark, but it seems like women tend to take on far too much responsibility for the feelings and actions of men, to the point of forgoing their best interests.

Yes... and

That's society for you, amirite? Always prioritizing the needs of men.

But I'm going to challenge that..... as I do. Spoilers below the cut.

Yes I believe that, in the case of Elliot and Darren, there was absolutely a reason for them to do bad things and some have chosen to dismiss those reasons. Elliot was actively mentally ill, but rather than address mental illness, we chose to throw him away. We literally witnessed this young man's decline and if we can't separate his actions on the pier from his diminished mental state, what does that say about us and how we perceive mental illness?

In fact, when did Hope take a backseat? Once Elliot was collectively thrown away, all eyes centered on Hope's healing and rightfully so! But one thing I'm not gonna do (I feel it would be irresponsible as a Black woman writer) is stifle Hope's healing to uplift the man who hurt her. Hope was wrapped in love by everyone, including her husband (a Black man).

Why didn't we throw Indya away for the nasty shit she did like taking a baseball bat to Darren's nose? Or throw Jerri away for the literal attempted murder of Juan? If I do nothing else, I want us to think about things like this and force questions that we wouldn't ask ourselves otherwise.

I've opened up a space in this current arc to look at a very clearly damaged individual (Bishop) through multiple lenses. I don't think acknowledging Bishop's humanity (pixelness) necessarily means "I can fix him". Like, at all. I think our readers are smarter than that and only recognize nuance. Some of y'all be trippin tho ngl lmfao

Not everyone saw Bertie as preying on a drunk Jackson but she was. The reason no one really flipped it is because Jackson is a man. But he was a man who was not capable, in that kitchen, of making a wise decision; so he made a horrible one.

Men irritate me just like anyone else but one thing this story has tried to do is simply acknowledge the humanity and capacity for growth within all of us.

#good morning y'all #busy day today so #update coming shortly and then I gotta fly #love y'all!! #story stuff

[spacemonkeysalsa]

Any opinion on a character that focuses too much on approval/disapproval, I tend to dismiss. You know, unless it leads them to conclusions that I think are right for other reasons that they just didn't explore. Or, I would feel that way if I'd seen that, but I haven't.

If you're whole theory of the character is based off the approval system and doesn't take their actual story into account, you tend to be wrong.

Partly, this is because it's tricky to confidently know why a character reacts the way they do, though that's a fun exercise on its own. Every once in a while I'll read an explanation that completely nails it, but for every one fandom theory written by someone who actually sounds like they get the characters, I read about twenty from people who sound like they are maybe 12 hours into the game, or even familiar with the characters purely from marketing material they saw on Facebook.

Like, I do think speculating about certain moments of approval/disapproval is fun, and also, totally inevitable, but I only consider it on a case by case basis and not when it's extrapolated into something immutable.

IE - I think it's interesting that when you find Halsin in the bear cage you can throw rocks at him with the Goblin children and a) no one disapproves of this, including our animal lovers and our Halsin saviours and b) Astarion approves.

A bad example of analysing this would be "well b) Astarion is just evil and I guess a) the other characters think the bear is in jail for good reason" or more likely "idk a) it's not that deep unless its Astarion then its b) definitive proof he's irredeemable"

So,

a) I think they each have their own individual reasons for tolerating it, and its first important to note that at this point, none of them know the consequences of you doing this, because if they did, you'd see some disapproval for sure: Shadowheart appreciates subterfuge and commitment to it, so even though she doesn't like to see animals get hurt, she doesn't react and also has a high tolerance for situations in which a group mentality forces you to do something cruel. She has to. Karlach wants to give you the benefit of the doubt, so she probably tells herself that it was just a mistake. If you'd known what would happen, you never would have done it, maybe you thought a little extra pain and rage would motivate the bear, she knows something about that.

Wyll I legitimately think that when surrounded by Goblins, Wyll's ability to power through unpleasant situations and his rage goes way way up, and empathy consequently goes way down. He only ever gets nasty when it has to do with them. He's too focused on his enemies to consider much else.

Gale may love animals, canonically, but like I remember one time I was talking with someone who told this story about having to shoot a feral dog on his property when it went after his chickens, and this guy was clearly traumatised that he had to do this, but our clueless acquaintance just dismissively said "well you did what you had to" and proceeded to kind of invalidate the conflicted feelings our buddy was having about it. Gale is somehow both of them. I don't think he'd throw the rocks, unless forced. I think he'd be upset at having to hurt an animal under any circumstances. But I don't think he'd feel much if someone else did it. Bears are capable predators, bears can handle a few rocks.

Lae'zel doesn't disapprove because violence, pain, cruelty on its face aren't offensive to her, and she doesn't have a particular love for animals. Alternatively, I also think it makes sense she doesn't approve either because although she does approve of some acts of cruelty, I think she prefers when there's a discernible purpose to it, or something impressive about it. and

b) Astarion approves because he begins the game in the paradigm that acts of cruelty are how you gain and demonstrate power, and that being kind gets you punished. You can either prove him right or prove him wrong through your choices in the game, but I don't think it's an accident that these moments become less and less frequently as you progress the story, regardless of the path you choose. You can challenge Astarion, and even shift that paradigm for him. Takes time though, and at least when you first meet him, he's very comfortable with you being a bastard because it affirms that paradigm and the dynamic that he's used to. It's notable then, that on the flip side, he's vocally uncomfortable with you being kind, but his approval still steadily climbs if you keep him in your party and don't treat him poorly, even if you are kind to everyone you can possibly be kind to, and you always have him with you, his approval still climbs at a regular rate. Basically, I think its reductive to say that he's just entertained by violence and cruelty. Like, yeah, one point awarded for noticing that about him---he absolutely is evil aligned, gold star. Why's that? Why does he approve of cruelty? And what does it say that as he finally spends the first weeks of his life able to make his own choices, he seems less and less inclined to approve of the cruel acts that you commit? There's loads of these moments in act one, less in act two, and in act three you have to go hunting for them and mainly find them in big story events that you will only find when you are RPing evil.

I think it supports the theory that he's got a kind of mechanically enabled redemption arc, but it doesn't prove it. The game is meant to embody 15K different realities and AUs, they had to make it so that the character would have different version of themselves for you to interact with, depending on your choices.

And I guess that makes the emphasis on NPC choices that much more interesting to me. Removed from Cazador, Astarion's arc naturally bends away from cruelty, unless you act as his new master which you are totally permitted to do.

#bg3 #baldur's gate 3 #astarion ancunin #astarion #baldur's gate 3 astarion #bg3 astarion #baldurs gate astarion #baldurs gate 3 astarion