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funkymbtifiction · 3 years

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Hi Charity!

I hope you’re doing well 😊

I’m the INFP who wrote the post about Dean.

I read the post about the different communication styles between feelers, and I found it very interesting and thought-provoking. Your reply really resonated with me. I know the original poster said they weren’t replying to me, but I still felt part of the conversation and wanted to respond to it, but then I got a bit carried away, so I tried to synthesise my thoughts as best as I could (so not that well haha). Here it goes.

Since you said I could edit / shorten it if I wanted, I'm going to, because if I don't, this conversation is just going to keep going in circles with me in the middle. But I'm going to keep what you said about Dean, because I think it's important to discuss.

In my original post I didn’t mean to speak for all Fi users, and didn’t mean to definitely exclude Fi when it comes to Dean, just Fi-dom. I didn’t mean either that if he were an Fi-dom he would behave exactly as I would have in the same situation, and I probably carried on too much about myself but I meant that if he were an Fi-dom, to me he would have enough emotional subtlety to understand that people are different, they react differently to things, and he would have given Rory the space to react in her own way. Maybe she didn’t feel it, but then again maybe she did and it was hard for her to express it, or maybe she needed time to figure things out and wasn’t sure of her feelings, which is fine too, especially at sixteen! Maybe he would have asked questions and been more curious about the reasons why she didn’t say it, instead of assuming that it must mean that she doesn’t feel it if she doesn’t say it back straight away. I just felt a lot of harsh energy coming from him, which I didn’t think matched that of a Fi-dom, but then again maybe I self-inserted too much, maybe it has to do with him being a sensor or unhealthy or his enneagram… It’s just, I look at Jess and Dean and I just don’t see the same type. Dean has that sort of traditional aura about him, like “this is what things are supposed to be like when you have a girlfriend and this is what society tells you needs to happen” and stuff, that Jess completely lacks, and that I don’t think is very Fi. But again, I could be wrong. It could also be that his characterisation is just not that great.

You did raise a good point, and I think you are right. Dean has a lot of expectations about what a relationship should look like, and the gender roles people should play in them. Do you remember that episode where Rory and her mom were scoffing at an old TV show? I think it was Donna Reed? He got a little offended, and said he thinks it's "kind of nice" if a woman wants to take care of her husband, and cook, and clean, and look nice for him, and both of them gave him a dirty look -- but then Rory went and dressed up in a 50's outfit and fixed him dinner to "try it." And Dean kind of liked it. My point is, I could see an ISFJ for Dean now that I think about it more. He takes his role as a boyfriend seriously and he wants to do it "right." He is overall tolerant and good-natured, and sometimes makes selfish decisions (but so does every person on that show :P) but you are right, he expects an immediate verbal response in a way an IFP might not. Compare him to Jess, who told Rory "I love you" and then ran away. Left. "The ball is in her court." He got all hurt that she didn't respond immediately or chase him down and tell him, and left / sulked. (Cue Luke going: you're an idiot. You wait around for an answer! You don't just make a declaration and run away!) Then there's the fact that when his marriage falls apart, Dean goes back to Rory. His old girlfriend. It's "going back" and "not moving forward." So your two cents is appreciated and I think you're right and my initial assessment was wrong.

I admire people who are so confident as the poster, because one of the reasons why I didn’t use to share my feelings with other people was in part because it was hard, in part because I didn’t think they were interested. I didn’t think it mattered, I didn’t think I mattered, in any case that I mattered enough that they would want me to bother them and take away from their precious time to have that conversation. I really don’t want to bother people. I’d rather just go away and lick my wounds in private and analyze it and learn from it and eventually be OK with it. (What makes me and my views and my thoughts more important than others’, why should they want to read about it? Answer: nothing, and they probably don’t, so I don’t say anything or send anything.) I’m working on it and doing better!

This is very 9. And it's true, 9s have trouble "taking up space" and feeling like their voice even matters. I also struggle with this a lot, and I just have a 9 fix. I want to do / say things and then think: but no one cares, so why bother? 9s shrink their space instead of expand to fill it.

To sum things up, as you also tried to convey, I think, Charity, I don’t think we can determine people’s communicative styles “once and for all”. Irrespective of type, people are complex and communication depends on many factors: the level of intimacy of the relationship, the presence or absence of conflict, the actual personality of the person in front of you, your history with that person, how you’re feeling in that particular moment, are you tired, anxious, busy, hungry… Your communication style is also likely to evolve back and forth, in one direction as you grow and mature, or in the other when you go through stressful times. People are complex and I don’t think they fit into neat little boxes.

Agreed, but I think some people are naturally more straightforward than others, and others send mixed messages. I had a relationship end last year and then received a Christmas card from that person over the holidays, followed by them wanting to be included in an ongoing multi-person project I had going on about two months later. They were sending me a lot of mixed messages (why are you here? is this you trying to talk to me?) because we had ended our friendship, so I mustered up the nerve to ask: "Does this mean you want to talk?" and the answer was "No."

This is pure attachment type behavior: I'm not sure what I want. Do I want to be friends again? No? But I need to feel still connected to you in some way? Yes? But it's also painful to be around you, and recall that we are no longer friends? Yes. So why am I here?

About a month later, they pulled out of the project, because... I guess... they realized the above. But that is my point: sometimes attachment types (3, 6, 9) don't know what we want, and we send mixed messages, and other people ask us directly what we're up to, and that forces us to think about it, and THEN we make a decision. So I may not like Rory all the time, but I understand why she does the crap she does and all about having to learn to be assertive in a relationship. That Dean thing really upset her, because one minute it was all fine and they were happy and the next, he was mad at her for not instantly saying "I love you." And she reacted largely how I'd expect a 9w1 to act -- what the hell just happened? He tore himself away from me, because I didn't have an answer for him?!

I'm also considering sx2w1 for Dean. Lots of (unhealthy, cuz no one on the show is healthy) intensity, emotion, and expectation that me doing nice things for you means I love you, and you should know that, and I need to hear it from you in return.

Thank you again Charity for being the catalyst for so much interesting thought and introspection! I don’t think I’ve ever written so much on the topic and I am in awe that you are doing it daily and still running this blog after all these years. Sending many good thoughts!

Thanks for contributing! :)

#submission #question #dean #gilmore girls

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supernaturallysweetened · 4 years

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Change of Heart (part 2)

🐺Hey all! Finally back with a part two. My lungs betrayed me during the last week of the semester and I’m so sorry this took so long to get done! I may need to edit it a bit more this weekend, still feeling a little wonky so I may have missed some stuffs. I really hope you enjoy! If anyone ever wants me to write them some words, feel free to ask! I’d love to create something for you! Thank you for stopping by!🖤

Derek Hale x Reader (part 1)

~2,000 words

This story is a continuation of Change of Heart, it picks up right where the last left off. Derek tries to be smooth, and isn’t as subtle as he hopes to be.

Derek felt his heart warm as he watched you and Rowdy play rock, paper, scissors as he pulled the popcorn maker down from the top of the fridge.

“One big bowl?” Derek asked as he debated how many kernels to pop.

Rowdy looked up to you then back over to Derek, concerned. “But what will you guys eat?”

Derek bit back a smile, “Right, what was I thinking?”

Rowdy gave a relieved sigh, “Better make it three big bowls.” He looked over to you for backup.

You nodded your agreement. “He’s right, popcorn is serious business, you know.”

Derek laughed as he looked in the cabinets for bowls. “Fine, three it is.” Or…maybe two will do…he thought as he had an idea how to ease into his confession.

He popped one big bowl for his son and one markedly smaller bowl to share. “Rowdy, get settled where you’re gonna watch from.”

Rowdy pulled two chairs over in front of the television and struggled to get his blanket draped over the top. You got up and helped secure the blanket before setting about putting the DVD in and taking your normal spot on the couch.

“Thanks, Y/n!” Rowdy climbed into the fort and Derek placed the bowl in front of his son and laughed as he watched as his tiny arm snaked out and the bowl disappeared into the fort.

You hit play and settled back while Derek went to retrieve the rest of the popcorn. When he came back and sat down you saw he only had one bowl and so you stood up to go get yours, pushing aside the twinge of disappointment you felt.

Derek’s hand, warm on your wrist, stopped you and you turned and lifted an eyebrow in question. “You want me grab you a drink?”

“Where are you going?” Derek gestured with the bowl toward the table. “I brought us drinks already.” You glanced down at the one bowl and he continued, “I thought we’d share a bowl. Make a good influence on Rowdy and all.” He smiled, popping a piece into his mouth before raising the bowl to you and turning on the Hale charm. “Sharing is caring.”

You made a point of looking toward the tiny dino den where Rowdy could clearly not see that you two were sharing. “Uh huh…” you turned back and sat back down on the couch, confused but curious enough to play along with whatever Derek is up to.

The second Derek sat down he scooted over so that you were close enough that you could feel his warmth seeping into your skin. You hoped he didn’t feel the shiver that ran through you, and made every attempt to maintain your poker face.

Derek placed the bowl so that it balanced on both of your legs. “So we don’t get anything on the couch.” His eyebrows drew together and a look of concern passed over his face. “You OK?”

Say something…come on brain…make words happen…It doesn’t matter how good your poker face was if you were going to just sit and stare at the bowl between you, or rather at where your leg lay snug and warm against his. You’ve never sat so close before. The unexpected contact had your heart racing, and if your face hadn’t given you away, your heartbeat would be easily heard by him.

Damn wolves and their hearing.

"Y/n?” Derek waved a hand in front of your face. “Is this OK? Do you want me to fix you a bowl of your own?”

Suddenly you snapped out of your daze. “No!” If he hadn’t had a hand on the bowl you would have knocked it to the floor when you shot your hand towards the bowl to grab a piece. “Sharing is good.” Sharing is good?? Breathe…calm down…You turned toward the television and closed your eyes, trying to focus on your breathing and getting your heart rate to come down.

When you felt more back to normal you reached a hand over to the bowl and nearly jumped out of your skin when you accidentally grabbed his hand instead of popcorn. You turned and gave him a sheepish smile, “Sorry, go ahead.”

He returned your smile and shook his head and gestured for you to go first.

You grabbed a few pieces to hold in your hand and work on and turned back to the documentary. You almost knew it word for word by now, it was Rowdy’s favorite. You wondered if he somehow sensed his connection to wolves.

It wasn’t too long into the film before you heard his soft snoring coming from his fort. Derek handed you the bowl and stood up. He grabbed the blanket and threw it over one shoulder, then bent down and picked up his son, careful not to wake him.

You put one of the chairs away and pulled the other in front of you to put your feet up on, and waited for Derek to put Rowdy in his bed.

You switched back to the TV and just surfed the channels until he came back and sat down next to you. “Here, you wanna pick?” You offered him the remote but he just placed it on the coffee table.

He never even glanced at the TV, he just looked into your eyes, shook his head and said, “This is perfect, love this show.”

You could have pointed out that it was on a commercial, but you weren’t ready to break his gaze just yet. He looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. “Yeah, it’s good.” You started to feel heat creep into your face and looked back toward the screen.

You both sat, watching in silence. Your hand brushed against his a couple more times as you shared the bowl. After the fourth or fifth time, you began to think that maybe he might be doing it on purpose.

You hoped he was.

It was as though he was waiting for you to reach for the bowl and he would reach his hand out to brush his fingers against yours. You noticed the bowl wasn’t really getting any emptier considering you had been at this for almost an hour, so you decided to test your theory and you would reach your hand out and when he would too, you noticed in your peripheral vision that he wasn’t taking any popcorn.

He was just reaching out as if he were going to and then took his hand back when you moved yours back. You scooted the bowl off your leg onto the couch to the left of you, and continued feigning as though the bowl were still there. After a few minutes, you were ready to call him out. “How’s the popcorn? Good?” You tried to watch his face without making it obvious.

"Mmhmmm, delicious.” He looked content, grinning like an idiot.

You shoved the bowl at his chest, forcing him to grab it so it didn’t fall and see that it was nearly full. “Alright, what game are you playing at, Hale?”

Derek looked nervous and laughed as he placed the popcorn on the table. “Guess, I’m busted, huh?”

You crossed your arms and raised and eyebrow. “You think?” You couldn’t help but laugh. “I’ve had the popcorn over on the side through two sets of commercials now. You wanna fill me in on what you’re up to?”

He turned off the TV before turning back to you. “I have to tell you, I kind of heard what you said earlier.” He must have seen the confusion on your face because he continued on, “I walked in and heard you talking to Rowdy.”

Your mind raced as you struggled to remember exactly what you had said and then it clicked. “What…um…and so what are you doing then?” You could hardly string a whole thought together. “Are you making fun of me?”

Derek made a face at that. “Y/n, have I ever once struck you as the type of person to make fun of someone?”

You sighed, “No, of course not.” When you first moved in you didn’t even think he knew how to smile, let alone make jokes or tease someone. “I’m sorry, I’m just not so good at reading people yet.” You raised your eyes to his, and waited for him to explain himself.

“Clearly, I’m not so good at it myself.” Derek turned to face you. “I haven’t ever been good at sharing my feelings. That’s why it didn’t work out with Jess and me.” He paused for a second and a you could see the sadness wash over his face. “If I had been more up front from the beginning, Jess might have at least told me about Rowdy, instead of taking off without a word.”

You knew how much it pained him, having missed out on so much time with his son, though it didn’t occur to you until now that he also might have regrets about missing out on time with Jess too. “Do you think you would still be together now if things had been different?”

Derek laughed lightly at that and shook his head, “I doubt it, looking back I think we needed each other, we found comfort in each other. I just wish I could have understood how I felt then, so I could have avoided hurting her. It was never my intention to cause her enough pain that she thought she had to hide the pregnancy from me.”

You nodded, unsure what to say next. You had questions but this was new territory to you. You thought about the evening so far and decided just to ask the first question that came to your mind, “I don’t know any other way to ask, than to just ask straight out. Do you have feelings for me?” You stared at your hands, waiting for him to answer.

There was no hesitation. “Yes” Your eyes shot up to meet his honest gaze. “I didn’t want to scare you off by just coming out with it, so I thought I’d ease into it.”

"So wait, was that your way of flirting with me?” You had seen him flirt to get answers from people and you knew he was charming, but this had been anything but smooth. Not that you had much of a frame of reference, but still. “If you wanted to hold my hand, you could have just asked, you know. You had already heard me, you obviously knew that I have feelings for you.”

He was silent for a beat too long so you snuck a glance up at him. He looked nervous as he slowly stretched out his left arm and traced his fingers lightly over your wrist before lacing his fingers through yours.

“Over the last couple of months, I’ve started to…feel things for you.” He pulled your hand closer to him and started to rub his thumb over the skin where it lay. “At first I just brushed it off as a sexual attraction, but it didn’t take long for me to realize that it is more than that. When you smile I can’t help but smile, when you’re sad, or sick, I want to be the one to cheer you up and help you get better. I’m sorry, I’m not good at expressing myself, but I want to spend more time with you. I want to get to know you.”

You reached your left hand over and placed it over your intertwined hands. “You’re doing just fine.” You hesitated slightly, “Derek, you do know me, you know everything there is to know. Before Deaton found me, I don’t…remember much of anything. Occasionally, I get a flash of something, but I can’t seem to hold on to it. He says the group that held me had wiped my memory. So I’ve been getting to know me, just as you have. I don’t have any quirky stories, or any childhood anecdotes to share. I…”

Derek’s hand tightened around yours. “Then we will just have to make memories and stories of our own. I’m in if you are.” His face read cool and collected, but his eyes betrayed that confidence and gave away his nerves. Despite him knowing that you also shared feelings for him, he was scared that you were going to reject him.

You removed your hand from his and he looked crestfallen, but then you turned and held out your hand as though you were making the deal of a lifetime and gave him the answer he was hoping for. “I’m in.”

🐺Thanks again for giving my stories a chance! I have more stories in my drafts for this reader that I can flesh out if anyone wants to read them.🖤

#derek hale x reader #derek hale fanfiction #derek hale fanfic #teen wolf fanfiction #teen wolf fanfic #derek hale

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local-femme-gentleman · 4 years

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10 things I’ve watched in the quarantine (so far)

1. Dazed and Confused 1993 ‧ Comedy/Indie film ‧ 1h 43m

So, I kicked off the apocalypse lockdown with Dazed and Confused - and yes, even though the movie made me realise I was going to have to survive literal months without my usual amount of marijuana consumption, it also filed me with that warped sense of nostalgia and longing for a bygone era that Dazed and Confused always leaves me with - especially a deep yearning for seventies music because the soundtrack of this movie may be one of its best aspects. It is equal parts kinda stupid, ridiculously fun, and wholly introspective, and at the end of the day I love this movie for helping me see what my boomer parents - and their whole generation - were like as teenagers more than anything else.

2. 2001: A Space Odyssey 1968 ‧ Sci-fi/Adventure ‧ 2h 44m

2001: A Space Odyssey has since its release become an absolute classic, and I for one adore it to absolute death. This was one of the first ‘adult’ movies I watched, I was 11 years old at the time - and although I didn’t understand it then, and frankly got a little bored, revisiting it now (after having rewatched it many many many times, and as a slightly older, well, kid) I’ve come to absolutely love it. I personally was looking for some slightly longer movies for the lockdown - considering I have more than enough time, and if you are too then this one may be just what you’re looking for - even if you’ve seen it already. There’s always more to discover in a movie like this one.

3. Okja 2017 ‧ Adventure/Drama ‧ 2 hours

Of all the movies on this list this may be the one I recommend the least. Not because it’s a bad movie, because it honestly and truly isn’t ( Bong Joon Ho still definitely came through for this one), however, this movie is, in my opinion, far too heartbreaking for this exact moment in time. If it was any other period in history I would be overwhelmingly promoting this movie, because I honestly and truly loved it - but it made me want to give up meat in a period of time where I simply do not have the resources for that to be an option. So if you’re down with your day just getting a little bit sadder, albeit in a not entirely bad way, I’d say watch Okja - if not, then I’d say, just for now, maybe stay away.

4. Spirited Away 2001 ‧ Animation/Fantasy ‧ 2h 5m

Okay, I love this movie, my parents love this movie, your parents love this movie, your sister loves this movie, your best friend loves this movie, you’re-cousin’s-nephew’s-dog’s-best-friend’s-owner loves this movie - and, if you don’t love this movie, well, each to their own but you’re kind of a monster. Spirited Away is one of those universally agreed upon masterpieces, everything about this movie just makes you feel good, from the colours, to the world, to the characters, to the animation. Spirited Away wraps you up in a blanket of all things warm and comforting in this world - if you’re looking to just feel better, which given current situations you probably are, this is the one for you.

5. Before Sunrise 1995 ‧ Romance/Drama ‧ 1h 45m

I’ve always loved this trilogy, yes, it may be one of the most teenage girl things to ever exist, the ultimate teenage girl fantasy, but what’s wrong with that? Before Sunrise, at every watch and rewatch, makes me want to meet a stranger on a train and just wander somewhere in europe for a single night. I’m fairly sure this will never happen, but this is the perfect time for daydreaming and so I will. Honestly, this movie truly is good, the amount of angles explored in Jesse and Celine’s still forming relationship over a single night is fascinating and it’s a very pretty film. If you’re just looking for something light and easy to watch - that gets you just the right amount of emotional, this is the one for you.

6. The Royal Tenenbaums 2001 ‧ Drama/Comedy-drama ‧ 1h 50m

Oh so you thought I’d go one recommendations video without mentioning Wes? Ha. Okay look, The Royal Tenenbaums is probably my fifth favorite Wes movie, but considering I love basically every Wes Anderson movie that isn’t not saying much. The Tenenbaum siblings stand as some of my favorite Wes Anderson characters and I love Angelica Houston no matter who she plays. The Royal Tenenbaums is just a good Wes Anderson film, and you get exactly what you’d want and expect from it - whip pans, impeccable wardrobes, symmetrical shots, a Wilson Brother, a sugary colour pallette, the futura font, and rich white people, well, being rich white people

7. American Vandal 2017 ‧ Satire ‧ 2 seasons

Ok I’ll say it, this is the perfect quarantine show. It’s completely stupid in the smartest way possible, absurdly funny, and overall one of the best shows netflix has ever produced. If you’re looking for a laugh, and I know I was when I clicked on this, then this is the one for you. American Vandal is satire at its peak - and I can officially say that both seasons hold up at a third rewatch, because yes, I’ve watched this entire show three times over. If you like true-crime series, or The Office and Parks and Rec (and yes I see the disparity in genre) then you will absolutely adore American vandal - and the fact that this show didn’t get a third season is a whole tragedy. Shame on you Netflix, shame on you.

8. Marriage Story 2019 ‧ Comedy-drama/Drama ‧ 2h 17m

Again, considering current times Marriage Story may have not been the best choice, but hey, I love this movie, and as sad as it makes me, it also makes me incredibly happy in a bittersweet sort of way. The good thing about marriage story is that it’s one of those films you truly get lost in, when I watched it just a few days ago, I truly and honestly, for just those few moments, forgot about everything going on right now, and - i say this at a risk of sounding selfish, I know - it felt good. Marriage Story is by far one of my favorite movies of last year, the writing is gorgeous, the editing is genius, and although the movie isn’t intrinsically happy in nature, it may just be what you need right now.

9. Every John Mulaney Special New in Town ‧ The Comeback Kid ‧ Kid Gorgeous ‧ etc.

So I, in true Gen-Z fashion, have watched every John Mulaney Comedy Special many many times. I love these specials, they truly mean quite a bit to me. I like playing these in the back while I do other things like cleaning my room or cooking. I think I watched him so much that his voice has become almost comforting - I may have formed a bit of an attachment. Chances are you’ve probably seen at least one John Mulaney Special, if you’ve only seen one watch the rest! And if you’ve seen the all then rewatch like I did! For me, this is the perfect time to just watch some good standup, so even if it isn’t John, just watch a comedian who makes you happy - trust me, it’ll help.

10. Tangled 2010 ‧ Animation/Musical ‧ 1h 40m

Ok so honestly my friends put this on together on Netflix Party to watch that first song and get some self-quarantine ideas - but then we just watched the whole movie so, yeah. I do love Tangled though, it was one of my favourite Disney movies as a kid, granted I’ve always been more of a Pixar girl (speaking of which this is the best time to binge on Pixar movies!!!!). Honestly, this is just a solid disney movie, it’s cute, it’s adorably animated, I properly adore Pascal and Maximus because no matter how old I get I will always adore a fun animal sidekick. Honestly, now is just a good time to watch a good disney movie, I had fun with this movie okay, no lie it was great.

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cycat4077 · 4 years

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Rollisi?

Ok, first off as a disclaimer: I’m “new” to SVU in the sense that child me watched it a long time ago, then stopped watching it THEN, thanks to re-runs on tv, got into “newer” shows from season 15(?). One thing lead to another and I was watching a few new episodes from season 21.

AND I fell in love with Carisi. I’m currently doing a watch from season 16 onwards to catch up. (Just finished season 17.) One of the other disclaimers I should mention is that I tend to have a type when it comes to favorite characters on shows. I usually root for the underdog or the character that tends to get overlooked. Most times this is a male character who is a big family-oriented sweetheart with a strong moral code who likes to take care of people: BJ Hunnicutt from M*A*S*H and Edwin Jarvis from Agent Carter are two of my beloveds besides Sonny Carisi. And upon “adopting” these characters I have a hard time pairing them with any other characters UNLESS there’s a deep and trusting relationship there. That’s because I don’t want my baby to get hurt. I go all protective momma bear over them and I want only THE BEST for them.

Now that that’s out of the way, here’s what I think about Rollisi. I “get” it. If I was only tuning into season 21, it would be a different story. But having watched the mid-season finale, while I do my catch-up watching, I can spot some of the subtle hints and things. And I understand why the writers keep hinting at it.

Sonny and Rollins have a pretty trusting relationship. We get to see that especially when Sonny guesses that Rollins is pregnant with Jesse. Sonny is kind and understanding. She confides in him. He’s a non-judgmental ear, which is something she has been lacking. He’s there for her and is genuinely concerned for her whenever complications arise, etc. He makes her dinner and spends time with her and Jesse when he gets a chance to. Sonny is a giver who doesn’t expect anything in return for his kindness. And I think Rollins really values that in him.

The trouble is that Rollins has never been one to be sure of what she wants. She’s hot-headed and non-committal. That’s how she ends up with two kids from two dads and I think she’s secretly afraid that people will judge her on that. That’s why she’s afraid to tell Carisi when she’s pregnant for Billie. But Sonny doesn’t judge her. He never did, never will. And I think that kind of love (be it platonic or romantic on Sonny’s behalf) scares Rollins. She’s used to people not giving a sh*t what she does or for her decisions to be judged (especially by her own family). But Sonny cares. So when she has that outburst at him in S21 where she’s mad that he left, it’s because she’s scared to lose that unconditional “love”. Maybe her head has been pushing her away from letting herself get close to Sonny romantically, while her heart is telling her the opposite. Rollins seems to have a lot of inner conflicts that she has a hard time resolving and what exactly her relationship with Sonny IS could be another one of those conflicts. We get more of that in the therapist’s office last episode.

On Sonny’s side, let me take a quote from Peter from one of the podcasts:

“There’s a private life of Rollins & Carisi that kind of exists outside of the show […] Carisi can be a version of himself or a more open version of himself, I think, with Rollins in a way that he’s not with other people. And I think that’s a very close relationship that’s awesome to have.”

Of course Peter can’t either confirm or deny Rollisi, but I think this quote gives insight into who Sonny is. He started as the new guy trying to prove himself. Usually he’s pretty serious on the job and very passionate about his work. But we do get small glimpses into how sweet and caring he is, especially with family and by how he interacts with Rollins’ kids. We don’t get a lot of that “open version” of Carisi unless he’s in the above two scenarios, especially with Rollins. And I believe that’s the basis of a healthy relationship. You need to be able to be yourself.

And this is where my conflicted feelings about Rollisi arise. I want the best for Sonny. I want him to have a relationship where he can be himself - like what Peter describes is the case with Rollins. But I’m not sure Rollins is ready or will ever be ready to give all of herself over to another human being in that way. She’s very guarded and I’m not sure she can open herself up to Carisi in the same way he has opened up to her. In part, I feel if Rollins decides to get together with Sonny she might see it as “settling”. A good dependable choice for herself and kids. BUT, Sonny would not see it that way. I think he does love her. He loves her kids, he admires her devotion to the job and to being a single parent. He loves her for who she is and doesn’t try to change her. So, while Sonny may be thrilled if they got together and takes on the paternal figure plus doting boyfriend instantaneously, Rollins may end up having feelings of regret. Was this the right decision for me? And I don’t want Sonny to ever be placed in a one-way relationship with ANYONE. He deserves the world and I feel extremely protective over him and his heart. I want him to have a family, but even though he looks perfectly natural with Rollins’ kids in his arms, I don’t want him to be locked into something that eventually turns loveless on Rollins’ end.

I guess we’ll see what unfolds tonight. If the writers are going to make a Rollisi move, it’s now. One of them will have to inadvertently say their true feelings in the heat of the moment/threat of losing one another. Maybe it’ll be Sonny saying something like: “I don’t know what I would have done if I’d lost you” or Amanda saying in some roundabout way that she loves him. Who knows.

Do I ship them? Maybe. But they still have a lot of growth to do if I’m going to believe it. Rollins needs to get a grip on what she truly wants and Sonny can’t let her have his heart if she doesn’t know what to do with it.

Sorry for the long post. All this has been tumbling around in my noggin’ for a while now.

EDIT - post mid-season 21 premier. Spoilers ahoy

I think this episode confirms that Sonny does indeed care deeply about Rollins. He’s ANGRY™ when he finds out she’s been kidnapped. He blames himself for it too. You can tell how conflicted he is since he’s essentially powerless to help her directly.

I think that the writers did make a Rollisi move in terms of Amanda herself. And this is what I had mentioned above: I’m not going to buy into shipping it, unless Rollins does some soul searching. When she was in that motel she spilled some pretty deep seeded fears. She grew up believing she did not deserve to be happy. That’s what she saw from her mother. She believes she doesn’t deserve nice guys. But she’s terrified that her daughters will grow up that way too and I think this is the push she needs to finally put her happiness first. And who has always been there for her, unconditionally and without judgement? Who is a nice guy? Dominick “Sonny” Carisi Jr. The foundation is there, they just need to build on it. Have Rollins change her attitude and views about herself and grow that self-confidence. Sonny’s the type of guy who will wait for her, however long it may take.

The big hint at Rollisi was at the end. If you don’t ship it, then the elevator scene could be interpreted as a very healthy friendship where two people trust one another and have each other’s backs. But if you put on some shipper goggles, it could definitely be considered the wind to get that ship a-sailing. Amanda holds herself together until Sonny and her are alone and he asks if she’s ok. Then she lets her guard down and says no, crying. She’s done that in the past with him too. But Sonny cradles her and says multiple times: “I got you.” And that could be the defining line in the script. Anyway, it’s some type of love, regardless if you’re wearing shipping goggles or not.

I really hope that if they are heading down the Rollisi pathway, we start to see more growth on that front. More giving from Rollins and Sonny finally being able to accept something in return. It’s a lovely friendship no matter what and I’d love to see it grow. And because it’s a friendship and I firmly believe that frienship should be the basis of any romantic relationship, I wouldn’t be necessarily opposed to Rollisi becoming more someday in the future.

Just don’t break my Sonnyshine’s heart

#law and order svu #Rollisi #sonny carisi #dominick carisi jr #Amanda rollins #SVU #Tiffany rants #SVU meta #SVU Spoilers #For now I shall continue to pair Sonny with a reader I get to create in fics who will love and cherish this boy for all of who he is #Sonnyshine of my life #I want one of him by the way #He be out there ruining my expectations of men

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jeanvaljean24601 · 4 years

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Teen Mom: Ranking the Most Insane Feuds of All Time!

From on-camera brawls to social media feuds and legal threats, the cast of Teen Mom and Teen Mom 2 sure know how to go hard. Moments that made you cringe 'cause they were so painful, or smile ear-to-ear. Scenes that were fights, or made you fight back tears.

The franchise really does have it all, and as such, it's become one of the most entertaining in the history of the reality TV genre.

Below, we look back at some of the MTV gang's most explosive feuds, and however you might rank them, this much is undeniable: Way back then. Not so way back then. Last year. Last month. Last week. Probably right now. There is no shortage of beef.

NOTE: We’ve saved the craziest for last, so we suggest that you a deep breath, sit back, grab a hat and hold the f--k onto it …

When Briana DeJesus joined the Teen Mom 2 cast in 2017, she was not welcomed with open arms. In fact, she quickly became persona non grata at her first get-together with the cast - with one exception. Jenelle Evans, Briana said, “is the only one who was acting like her s--t ain’t stink. Plus she was the only one who wasn’t acting fake and choosing sides.” Leah Messer’s response was to “pay no attention to those who try to bring you down … they’re just envious of where you are and how well you’re doing.” As we'll get to in a bit, relations haven't exactly gotten more amicable since.

Maci Bookout and Taylor McKinney's relationship has produced three kids, and they seem very happily married ... most of the time. Like, 85 percent of the time. Bookout alarmed fans with the confession a few years ago that revealed some trouble in paradise: “Eighty-five percent of the time we’re good to go … Fifteen percent is hell. All of our stress and emotions, we take out on each other. When the cameras leave, we’ll drink and freak out. It’s always literally the smallest things. It’s such small stuff but it blows up. It’s not going to go away.” Yikes ... but at least they've had plenty of time to work on things?

So Jenelle has this weird thing about Chelsea -- she accused her of copying her because she made a website for herself after she'd already made her own, because making a website is something totally special and unique. She also kind of accused Chelsea of copying her when she gave birth to Watson the day after Jenelle gave birth to Ensley, which is just wild. On another occasion, Jenelle went off about Chelsea ignoring her older daughter, Aubree, after having Watson, insinuating that she's a bad mother. Chelsea liked a tweet from someone who called Jenelle "pathetic" for bringing up Aubree, which is pretty much the most she's ever participated in this feud.

This one is pretty weird -- one time Babs "jokingly" threatening to "kill Kail" during an Instagram Live session with Jenelle. Lowry was understandably not amused and threatened to quit the show over Barbara's threats. That didn't happen, of course, and it's no longer an issue since Jenelle and her family are no longer on the show, but how bizarre, right?

Brooke Wehr was never a Teen Mom 2 cast member, but due to her mercurial relationship with Jeremy Calvert, her impact was felt just the same. A few years ago, the couple's engagement ended after Brooke accused Jeremy of cheating on her with multiple women, one being a Teen Mom 2 producer, another being her best friend, and a third possibly being his ex-wife Leah Messer. Brooke even shared a screen shot of a text message conversation between Jeremy and the best friend as proof, while Calvert responded in a drunken stupor that yes, maybe he did sleep with Brooke's best friend, but ... only because Wehr slept with some other guy first. Or, as he put it, Brooke was "f-cking his brains out, every day," and he was single, so "my dick was happy to do whatever the f-ck it wanted to do, and it did." Shocking that these two didn't work out ... but neither party was completely off base with their allegations. Just saying. Jeremy and Leah did hook up.

Briana hooked up with Luis in a bathroom while she was drunk, and she got pregnant. They tried to make a relationship work, but he cheated on her and was generally just not great. He's never really been around for their daughter, Stella, but he did come back around last year for a bit. Briana even decided to give him another shot -- except this time, she got the clap. So yeah, they're not on the best terms.

Devoin is the father of Briana's first child, Nova, and they haven't gotten along for many, many years. Briana says that Devoin is a deadbeat dad, Devoin says that Briana won't let him be an active father, it's this whole thing. However, things got especially bad last summer when Briana let him take Nova for an overnight visit and he ended up getting drunk while he was with her alone at a pool. More recently, she criticized him for not giving her any money to help with Nova.

This feud has been going on for years, but has taken on many new forms due to ever-changing circumstances and new tensions. The main point of contention for awhile was Javi's relationship with Briana DeJesus, who came on board the cast of Teen Mom 2 in 2017 amid a lot of controversy. Bri and Kail are bitter rivals (more on that later), so it's not surprising that Ms. Lowry would take issue with DeJesus hooking up with her ex ... or proposing to her. Kail was so salty over Javi's new relationship that she even canceled plans to collaborate on a pair of memoirs with Marroquin. android tv boxThese days, the two of them seem to be doing OK for the most part, but of course that could change at any moment.

Jenelle and Leah used to be friendly, but then things changed -- possibly because Leah became so close with Jenelle's mortal enemy, Kailyn Lowry. Jenelle has thrown plenty of jabs at Leah on social media, like the time she claimed CPS removed the twins from Leah's care and that there were more shocking details about all that that no one knows about. She's also criticized Leah for allowing her daughter to wear makeup and short skirts for cheerleading. As for Leah, she doesn't really seem to pay too much attention to anything Jenelle's ever said about her, although she did speak out after David killed Nugget, Jenelle's dog.

There was a time when Jenelle and Farrah were friends, but no more -- to be honest, both ladies seem to have trouble maintaining friendships with anyone. Jenelle has made remarks about Farrah's plastic surgery and her adult entertainment ventures, and Farrah has called Jenelle out on her bad parenting and her horrific taste in men. After Jenelle left David last year, Farrah offered her support, then ultimately decided to block her on social media because it's none of her business.

Jenelle didn't like Cheyenne from the moment MTV announced she was joining the cast of Teen Mom OG because of some tweets she'd made about white people several years ago. But the feud really started last year when Jenelle made a comment about Amber Portwood's assault charges -- Cheyenne tweeted that Jenelle "should be the last person throwing shade." Jenelle told her that she had no clue what she was talking about, then Cheyenne hit back with "Coming from the real racist, dog killer, abuser and honestly the most unstable individual I’ve witnessed.. GREAT STATEMENT.. get custody of ALL your kids and stay out of court before you talk about me." Jenelle tried to come back from that by calling her a "replacement," but Cheyenne said "And you're fired... soooo?" Beautiful.

Mackenzie has often criticized the network that made her a D-list star -- she once blasted both MTV itself and Teen Mom viewers who have been critical of her relationship with Ryan, particularly her decision to let him drive to their wedding while he was so high that he lost consciousness behind the wheel. "It’s easy to show the ‘half truth’ and portray it as a whole," Mackenzie wrote in a lengthy social media tirade. "But that’s ok because regardless of what happens, whether right or wrong, you’re considered scum.” She's also accused MTV of making her and her husband look bad with editing, but we'd argue that Ryan has always made himself look bad just because of who he is as a person. android tv box

Jenelle Evans' relationship with David Eason has been suspect from the start, even to members of their inner circle - and their own families. One of the loudest voices of disapproval of Jenelle is David Eason's sister. Her complaints were nothing new - Jenelle's a bad mom, a violent criminal, a drug addict, etc. But just because Jenelle's heard these criticisms before, that doesn't mean she took them lying down. In a public Facebook exchange that was at once amusing and horrifying, Jenelle tore into Jessica Eason Miller, accusing her of child abuse and hard drug addiction. Jess shot back by accusing Jenelle of going to great lengths to keep her numerous abortions a secret. Needless to say, these sisters-in-law won't be meeting up for cosmos anytime soon.

Following a slew of gossip stories shared by her co-stars a few years ago that she deemed unflattering, the Carolina Hurricane unleased her legal fury ... to widespread mockery. Jenelle sent cease-and-desist letters to a number of her co-stars, including Leah Messer, Chelsea Houska, and Chelsea's father, Randy Houska. She also took legal action against peripheral friends such as Ryan Dolph, and even her own mother, Barbara Evans. It's yet another reminder that Jenelle is not someone you want to mess with. Not because there's any legal merit to what she was alleging, but just because she's certifiably bonkers and when you kick a hornets' nest of that size, you open yourself up to all kinds of mayhem, bedlam and chaos.

Farrah hasn't gotten along with her former co-stars for years, but on one memorable occasion, she hopped on Instagram to allege that Lowell is a closeted pothead and Baltierra is secretly gay. Yes, for real. Catelynn was unable to defend herself as she was in rehab at the time being treated for various emotional issues; Tyler simply dismissed Farrah's claims as the ravings of seriously unstable woman. Probably the best way to conduct one's self in that situation, but they don't always brush it off. Tyler later stirred the pot once more when he said MTV was right to fire Farrah for her porn career, to which Abraham responded with an iconic word salad in the third person. android tv box

Catelynn has also attacked Farrah over the years - who could forget when she called her fellow Teen Mom a "hoe bag," or when she pretended not to know who Farrah was and instead started talking about Farrah Fawcett? What about the time that she charged out during Farrah's reunion fight with Amber yelling "TRASHY BITCH"? And then there was the time that Catelynn posted this just before Farrah's canceled boxing match with Hoopz. Stay classy, everyone!

This was a feud no one saw coming. Apparently Ryan was active on the dating app Tinder, despite the fact that he's, ya know ... married. When Mackenzie found out about this RIGHT AFTER they tied the knot, she was understandably not pleased. Catching your husband swiping and chatting with other chicks after you married him days earlier? Insane. But, instead of taking out her frustrations on Edwards himself, she decided to let loose on a random girl he was chatting with online. Edwards' Tinder Girl was the undisputed victor in this one, destroying Mackenzie's argument simply by stating, “Your husband is the one on Tinder.” Enough said, really. Incredibly, they stayed married, Mackenzie got pregnant ... TWICE. To quote the legendary Kieffer Delp, "You know how choices be."

Jeremy has never been a fan of David and Jenelle -- he spoke out against the homophobic remarks that got David fired, and he got into a spat with Jenelle after she was shown pulling a gun on that guy (he called her a "dumb bitch" in case you forgot). Later, David commented on a photo that Jeremy shared to tell him that he looked "like a bitch," and Jeremy went off on him in a long rant that concluded with "keep f-cking with me and I'll fly my ass to nc and I'll show u what kind of bitch I am pretty boy." So yeah, they don't like each other.

Where do you even start with these three? Ryan and Maci have experienced their share of rough patches over the years as they've struggled to peaceably co-parent their son, Bentley, but in the past, they've always been able to sort out their differences eventually. But then Ryan started doing heroin and brought Mackenzie into the picture, and that's not really the case anymore. Maci thinks that Mackenzie enables Ryan, Mackenzie thinks that Maci stresses Ryan out -- it's a mess. The two ladies have said plenty of nasty things about each other over the years, while Ryan went in and out of jail and rehab. Like we said, it's a mess. Poor Bentley.

Farrah has said a lot of things about the network that made her famous, like that time that she bizarrely claimed that MTV forces stars of the Teen Mom franchise to continue having children, even when they'd prefer not to. Abraham also accused the producers of encouraging Amber Portwood to attack her during their reunion show melee (more on that later), and even claimed she was fired from the network for partaking in "adult" pursuits on the side. Even more amazingly than the fact that she threw around the term "hate crimes" to describe how MTV treated her? The apparent fact that the folks who made her famous are actually willing to continue working with Farrah. Or were, until she finally got fired or quit, depending who you believe. With Farrah, every day is another day in the Post-Truth Era.

Where do we even begin with this. In late summer 2019, a 911 call was placed from Javi's home, following a dispute there. No charges were filed, but the truth came out. You see, Javi had recently gotten engaged to Lauren, with whom he welcomed his second son. Not long after that, he got busted cheating on her, banging one of the members of his CrossFit gym ... IN HIS BATHROOM while Lauren was asleep (or so he thought) IN THEIR HOME. As if that weren't crazy enough, he then called Kailyn to mediate; Kail later put him on blast, claiming he'd been cheating on Lauren back when she was pregnant and chastising him for wanting her to "clean up their mess." Don't worry, Javi posted a cheesy apology on Instagram, for everyone to see, and it was all good with Lauren after like 12 minutes.

There's always been some seriously bad blood between Farrah and Debra -- remember that time that she hit her in the early days of Teen Mom OG? Deb forced Farrah to become a mother when she insisted she wasn't ready, she didn't support her after Sophia's father passed away, and she was just generally awful towards her. Things got so bad between them that at one point, Farrah said that she'd wished that her mother would "just f-cking die already." They've been estranged for a long time now, although Farrah does sometimes allow Deb to see Sophia.

Jenelle Evans and her mother, Barbara, have always had a tumultuous relationship, with Babs unafraid to dish it out as much as she's forced to take it. In previous years, they would fight a lot and trade zingers (such as this classic image), then eventually put it behind them. For a good long while, Jenelle and Babs were at each other's throats more often than not, and the stakes couldn't have been higher. Barbara now has permanent custody of Jenelle's oldest son, Jace, and Jenelle has mostly come to terms with it. Thankfully, they're not fighting so much these days -- yep, they're actually managing to get along. For the moment, anyway.

Things neared a boiling point between Amber Portwood and Matt Baier after he vowed that would never marry her ... because she wouldn’t marry him on the spot in Las Vegas, obviously. “I will not marry her,” he said. “I will not marry her now, ever! I’m not gonna let her [brother] dictate my life. That f—king f—got. She wants to marry her brother. That’s who she wants to marry. F—k her. She just humiliated me on TV. I’m done!” Matt, who was livid at Amber’s reasoning for not eloping in Vegas - her brother Shawn not being present - went on to tell a producer, “I don’t care who you have to give oral pleasure to, keep the Amber and Matt wedding thing off [the air]. She just embarrassed me in front of 12 million people.” We’re pretty sure you did that to yourself, Matt …

As if it wasn't bad enough that Matt Baier offered Catelynn Lowell a Xanax before a press event, casting serious doubt over whether or not he remains drug-free, he ultimately took a lie detector test to prove his faithfulness to Amber Portwood ... and failed. The polygraph revealed that Matt made sexual advances toward other women during his relationship with the Teen Mom star, and that was it for her. "Trash! TRASH! I got you money. I got you deals! And you tried to f--k her! F--K YOU!" Their breakup, which was a long time coming, was not undone despite a stint on Marriage Boot Camp ... though she did meet crew member Andrew Glennon while on the set and went on to have his baby. Matt also got married (seriously) to Jen Conlon. Funny how life works out. h96 max tv box

Perhaps the longest-running feud of the franchise, Chelsea Houska and Adam Lind face off mostly through their lawyers these days, because the derelict of society can't stay out of trouble or pay child support. In recent years, he's failed drug tests with meth in his system, and he's also been arrested more than once for domestic violence. Because of all of that, he's only allowed to see his daughter with Chelsea at a visitation center (which he rarely seems to do), and he gave up his parental rights completely for his other daughter, Paislee.

Amber and Jenelle have never interacted all that much since they were on different shows, but still, Amber felt the need to speak out after one of David's many abuse scandals -- she ranted about it on Instagram, calling him names like "bitch" and "disgusting clown." Jenelle told her to leave her family alone, and she also said "You’re the one who went to jail for domestic violence but you’re sitting here pointing fingers at my husband?" Amber then threatened to beat her up, because of course she did. Their feud was reignited months later when Jenelle started saying that it was unfair that she got fired when Amber got to keep her spot on the show. Amber never responded, but a source did report that “She doesn’t feel the need to get into a feud with Jenelle with everything going on in the world right now."

This feud has been going on for a long, long time, and it started back in the day when Jenelle needed Kailyn to post bail for her, but then she never paid her back. These two have traded insults over the years, and Jenelle was actually low enough to leak the news of Kail's pregnancy with Lux. Since then, they've been making snide remarks about each other on social media, with David even joining in to insult her about things like her weight and her sexuality. Most recently, Jenelle took a break from her newfound body positivity to call Kail "a giant compared to me," and Kailyn hit back by saying that at least she has custody of all of her children. Classic stuff there.

Nathan and Jenelle were terrible together, and things didn't change after they broke up. The big issue was that she didn't waste any time in getting with David, and David has always hated Nathan. Like, a lot. The feeling became mutual after a while, and Nathan started claiming that Kaiser had told him that David was abusive. Nathan once even tweeted photos of some suspicious bruises on Kaiser that he said were from David hitting him with a stick, but Jenelle turned it around, suggesting that Nathan was the abusive one. Nathan has been talking about getting custody of Kaiser for a while now, but of course he has his own issues on top of everything else.

Amber Portwood and Farrah Abraham’s iconic beef may never be topped, at least in terms of how it came to a head on an MTV reunion special with the cameras rolling. It was pretty standard - or at least it was until Farrah said that Amber's then-boyfriend, Matt Baier, looks like a pedophile. With Farrah and her then-boyfriend, Simon Saran, just trolling Matt incessantly, Portwood hit her breaking point off camera. She stormed the stage, trying to fight Farrah, hurling insult after insult at her rival, and even throwing a punch that missed. Baier and Farrah's father, Michael, then got into it physically, forcing security to break it up. Crew members stormed the stage to pull Amber away from Farrah and it was all a mess. An epic, chaotic and glorious mess. h96 tv box

The bad blood from their epic reunion fight lingered long after the dust settled and only worsened in the years since.. Farrah said Gary Shirley should have full custody of Amber’s daughter, and that Amber needs to stop "using me to get attention … I want nothing to do with [her] criminal behavior or lying evil groups of people [she associates] with.” Fast forward to 2019, in the wake of Amber's arrest for assaulting Andrew Glennon (below), Farrah said again: "I do not speak to others who are very vulgar and abusive. I haven’t spoken to her. I feel that children, adults, family members, everyone associated should be treated with care, love. And that’s where the society and the world is going. I really hope that, not only Amber, but I hope Catelynn, I hope Maci… gets some help. They seriously need it." Vintage Farrah word salad.

This feud never really stops, but boy does it take more twists and turns than we can even count. Most notably, Javi started dating Briana, and even proposed to her in 2018, resulting in a lot of bitter feelings from Kailyn. THEN, he broke up with Briana and started dating Lauren Comeau ... who quickly became pregnant with his child, prompting more feelings from both Kailyn and Briana. THEN Kailyn revealed that after his split from Briana, but prior to him impregnating Lauren, Javi tried to bang Kailyn repeatedly. After that, it came out that Javi was actually juggling all three women at the same time. Who has the energy?

One of the best, for obvious reasons. As we mentioned, Bri's was dating Kailyn's ex-husband, Javi Marroquin, a move that effectively drove a dagger into the heart of their friendship - whatever that consisted of. They had a very heated argument at one reunion, and at the next, they wanted to physically fight each other. First, Kail invited Briana for a private chat in a room backstage, but Briana left before things could get bad. Later, when it was time for all the girls to to onstage together, Briana tried to attack Kailyn, but security guards were able to keep them away from each other. They don't do reunions together anymore, but they do get sassy about each other on social media!

There's a lot here, so let's just breeze through, all right? Kailyn met Chris at college, she slept with him when she was still married to Javi, and he ended up impregnating her when the marriage was over. He was never around throughout the pregnancy, and she even said he had another girlfriend, though he did show up for the birth and for a little while after. Kail has said that things went bad a few months later, and she's even claimed that he broke into her house and broke a window in her bedroom at that time. Still, she had a big thing for them, and they hooked up every now and then. Eventually, he got her pregnant again, and she soon got an order of protection against him. Right now, she's nearing the end of that pregnancy, and things don't seem to be much better with Chris.

Nothing funny about this one. On July 5, 2019, Portwood was arrested and charged with two counts of domestic battery and one count of criminal recklessness with a deadly weapon after she struck her boyfriend, Andrew Glennon, in the neck as Glennon held their son James in his arms. She then threatened to commit suicide by overdosing on pills, and used a machete to attempt and break into the room where Glennon was hiding with their son. She was convicted on felony charges of domestic battery and intimdation, and she's currently on probation. Later, audio recordings were released in which Amber could be heard verbally abusing Andrew, and in one she even admitted to punching him in the face. There's no contact between them now, and Amber has been allowed visits with their son. h96 tv box

Where do we even begin? Jenelle and David have always gotten in awful fights, and they've only gotten worse as time has gone on. In the beginning, they argued a lot, but a couple of years ago, she called 911 in hysterics, claiming he pushed her down so hard she thought he'd broken her collarbone. She called again a few months later because she'd locked him outside and he was beating the door down. Last year, she left him for a while after he killed her dog, which resulted in them losing temporary custody of the kids, and she even got a restraining order against him after telling a judge she feared for her life. She went back to him, but things definitely haven't been good -- she recently left him again and threatened to get a restraining order. She didn't, and we guess things are supposed to be OK right now, but it's only a matter of time until things get bad again.

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maximumcatfeels · 5 years

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Hey, so I’m looking for a beta to read two things for me:

1.) A story I already posted : Floating Vials (found here on Ao3)

And 2.) a new story which is mostly humor and semi-crack that I haven’t posted yet. It’s centered around Moira, McCree, and Reyes (non-romantic In all directions) and her choice of weapon when coming into Blackwatch.

Mostly I’m looking for someone to help me with tenses (sometimes I slip out of the correct tense), the fact that my spell check HATES Moira’s last name, and just another set of eyes.

Both are completed stories. Both Floating Vials and the new work are about 6k words in length.

I don’t know what I can do in return, but talk to me and we’ll figure somethings out.

Or if I don’t find a Beta I’ll just post it as edited as I can in about a week.

Here’s a sample of the new story:

———————————————————————

Jesse’s gut feeling was rarely wrong (except for when it came to certain foods – why his stomach hated the Strike Commander’s cooking was anyone’s guess, but it never failed to force him into camping in the bathroom for a day afterwards, no matter how good/inoffensively bland it tasted.)

Right now his gut was unhappy with boss’s new… “doctor”, Moira O’Deorain.

Ok, maybe putting doctor in quotations was a bit much (as far as he knew, this spindly, beanpole of a woman DID actually have a doctorate in… something? Something medical based, he was sure, but he had been spacing out when the boss had gone over her credentials.)

Reyes had been cagey about why he wanted this giraffe-human hybrid to be in Blackwatch, which was setting off all sorts of warning bells in Jesse’s head and guts.

“We NEED her, Jesse.”

“For what, exactly?”

“To patch up your sorry ass during a mission, ingrate. Or do you not remember the time in Cairo?”

“I was fine! It was just a graze!”

“A graze that required 35 stitches and a blood bag when we got back to base?”

“Yeah, exactly. A graze.”

Reyes’s eyebrow arched at him.

#overwatch #overwatch moira #overwatch fanfic #looking for beta readers #well just one really #ow moira #ow reaper #overwatch reaper #ow mccree #overwatch mccree #ow blackwatch #overwatch blackwatch #blackwatch moira #blackwatch mccree #blackwatch reyes

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movie-reviewer-perhaps · 5 years

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THE ART OF SELF DEFENSE

is this an independent movie? maybe. is this a good movie? also maybe. it was weird and confusing so lets discuss.

right so we cant discuss this movie without mentioning Jesse eisenberg and his character which is basically the only character he only plays. im not saying this as a bad this because he definitely knows what hes good at and has carved out quite the niche for himself but this particular role felt almost too perfect for him. it was a great performance but one he could do in his sleep. like him. this movie has a very particular audience it wants to appeal to, and its determined to find is cult following somewhere. the whole movie is very stylized. the script is extremely stilted which translated to artificial performances as well. the direction was actually pretty good except for one badly done fight scene which stood out like a sore thumb. the cinematography was ok i guess but nothing new or particularly memorable. the editing kept an odd but fitting pace the whole time and mostly achieved what they were going for. the humor was dark and dry but it was certainly there and it was filled with gratuitous violence at times but it was all intended. the score was exactly what the movie needed and sounded how the acting in the movie felt. it ticked all the boxes it wanted to but was weak with follow throughs and low on energy. it was missing something and because of that im left feeling lukewarm at best with a movie that had so much potential to be the next big cult classic but missed by that much.

its a well done parody with dramatic and thriller undercurrents that took some big shots but landed just short of greatness. still a decent movie with good if not great acting and a very fitting score but its still not the hilarious and endearing hit it had the potential to be. keep it on your radar once it hits streaming platforms if you like niche movies like this or if you enjoy jesse eisenberg but other than that you wouldnt be missing anything special if youd skiped it. 5/10

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larenoz · 5 years

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Roswell New Mexico - Live Rewatch - Ep 3 - Tearin' Up My Heart

What matters is the science

The power to heal or harm. Hhhhmm, I wonder who else that might apply to in the future?

Hey lab rat!

Subtle, Liz. Real subtle.

No, he's not just stressed Liz

It's all a plan to get Max to get his gear off.

His heart isn't racing because he's scared of Liz. Neither of these people has a subtle bone in their body.

Die Jesse Manes Die

Hey there Kyle.

Alien hunting buddy, four war hero sons.

"Are you calling Alex faint of heart?" You go Kyle.

Die Jesse Manes Die

See now I think this is where Jesse made his biggest mistake. Threatening Kyle's life is one thing, but threatening his friends. That just kicks his protective side into high gear. Especially when it comes to ALex who he feels he owes. Probably gets his competitive side going as well

OMG Kyles face as Jesse walks away.

"I don't need an Airman, I need a Valenti"

"The light show whenever I feel anything" Yeah, we know what your talking about Max

Yeah, we know why you didn't Iz and Michael about the experiments.

So that's a yes then.

"Please don't touch me". Oh, that's gonna hurt the feels

Busted. Not sure how I feel about that shirt Iz is wearing though. I think we might be trying a bit too hard for the New Mexico aesthetic.

"We have a connection, we did, I think" Not too sure there Max

OK, now that's just mean Iz, with the Kyle/Liz hookup.

Especially when you know it's gonna hurt Max.

Now here we have on rewatch the first scene where I'm not sure if it's Iz or Noah??

Where she talks about his hand print on Liz's chest, just seems a bit Noah like??

Which would also explain the meanness?

Arguements about who knows each other best and relationships built on lies.

That's a set of criteria where everyone is on pretty shaken ground at this stage.

Max as golden retriever or X-file. Kyle being all caregivery. Fuck, I would give anything to see him in a nice white shirt. Sorry, I digress.

Provocation. Another theme we see again and again through the show.

Not a fan of this whole treasure hunt storyline tbh

Yes Kyle, we all love Max because he's tall.

OK Nancy Drew"

Fuck, you cannot just cut to THIS scene like that. Fuck me.

The song, the hand caressing that skin.

Fuuuuccck

Once again I am not emotionally prepared.

"Your awake"

"You staaayed"

God, such little dialogue that just tells us so much.

That Michael isn't used to Alex being there in the morning. That he leaves.

The way Michael looks over at Alex. So soft and happy.

Alex's barely there smile as he looks at Michael.

They just break my heart these two.

Fuck me.

The physical intimacy in this scene is just.... I don't even have words for it. It's so soft and gentle and ...

Michael's face.

It's just such an amazing scene especially for a queer couple.

The chemistry these two have as actors is insane.

God fucking damn it Isobel.

And fuck here it comes.

"it's just Isobel"

"Does she know about us?"

"would it be so bad if she did?"

"Yeah"

"Nah, don't worry about it"

Fuck me. Michael goes from being so happy to being someone's dirty little secret in seconds.

Now I'm pretty sure that's not what Alex thinks, but that's sure as shit how Michael interprets it.

All his insecurity and self-loathing just brings his armour back up.

oh shit yeah

It applies just as much to Alex as well.

The thing that hurts to the most is that Michael is so resigned to it. Like yep, this is how it always goes.

And I think that might apply to not just Alex, but other people he sleeps with. Good enough to fuck, but not good enough to be seen with. And that's just fucked up.

Especially for someone like Michael who is so tactile. That his way of connecting with people is so distained.

And Alex's face. He know's he's hurt Michael, even though that wasn't his intention.

But as they say, about paving the road to hell.

Tbh honest, I didn't notice until it was discussed in another channel that this ISN'T the morning after "I never look away" and that the Airstream has moved.

I blame opening the scene with all that golden skin. It's very distracting.

I offer that line as public domain to any fic writer that wants it!!

God how I hate that Michael is probably alot of people's dirty little secret. Fuck them.

"He's letting Liz experiment on him"

"Please say sexually"

Not gonna lie. THat is one of the best lines ever on tv.

Also Michael with no shirt.

Also if they ever get Michael in a nice white button up I'm gonna die.

Yes I have a white shirt kink.

Iz's face. :laughing:

Kids, kids kids. Have we learned nothing?

Plans involving Liz never end well.

Secrets, always about the secrets

Mix cd

Clues, Nancy Drew

Teen melodrama is our thing.

So cheeky Liz. It's a good look on you.

Liz is wearing armour lipstick.

Of course Maria is coming on the treasure hunt.

Cam buying Max a first edition. Nerd boner. Don't ever change Cam.

Max, max, max. It's not the time.

Don't dig into the past. HOld onto the good memories. Exactly the advice Kyle gave Liz last ep.

And he doesn't listen either. Lucky he's so pretty.

I really hope we get to see the hold your hair while puking, slash your exe's tires Rosa in S2. It's such a great description by Maria. Gives a great sense of the real Rosa.

"She's isn't what leftover in the dirty crevices of this town." That is such a great line - gives a great insight into Maria.

which in no way makes up for that fucking powder blue skivvy he wore!! Jesus that was ugly. So I need more white shirts to balance it out. Bonus points for linen.

But more likely on Kyle than Michael, not that I wouldn't be cool with that.

Ophiuchus

Liz's don't lie to me face.

And here we go with more heart break. THis show never stops.

I love so much that in this fandom a dark green and black flannel shirt is what constitutes the "slutty" outfit.

I love that he is alergic to buttons.

Scared of not being the number 1 person in Max's life. Tbh. he's not wrong.

Michael and his touching people to check in with them.

Annnd here comes the start of more pain.

Not to be shallow, but Alex's outfit in this scene is interesting. I know we haven't seen him in civies much yet, but even so this stands out. It's such a light palette. So different to the dark colours we've seen before and everything that we see him in after.

A reflection of the lightness he feels from reconnecting with Michael? That disappears after the drive in and never really returns for the rest of the season?

Maybe? I lean towards more unconscious choice.

A willingness to be seen?

Which then is picked up later with his "can't be seen with a criminal" comments.

Where he goes back to not standing out, even in civies

Gods, the looks on their faces. They just love each other so much but Alex is still struggling.

Alex's smile when Michael sits down.

Kyle you are so gonna get busted.

Your mum is the sheriff dude.

Seriously Max. take a fucking chill pill.

I know it's the overpower but seriously. How do people not notice?

Yes Kyle, this massive over reaction is about Liz.

OK, I know Kyle is doing it on purpose, but that is cold.

Kyle, Kyle, Kyle, alot of people want to hit you, don't encourage them.

And even if he was human Max has height and weight on him as well.

That smart arse smirk of Kyle's.

Damn, Jenna looks good with her hair like that.

Damn Kyles eyes.

And Kyle's little puff after Max leaves. He knows how close he came to getting his arse kicked in some way.

Die Jesse Manes Die.

Alex, ALex don't listen to the evil man. Please!!

And what about Michael, sitting so close to the man who mutilated him? Any person would have trouble keeping their cool.

Knowing Jesse is around is one thing, but what must it do to Micahel to see him like this?

"Can't lie to a psychic, hmm mmm"

Liz, spying on Max and Cam is a little bit creepy. Jealous much?

Not sure why Iz sees Rosa when trying to influence Liz??

Oh, Rosa's saying the lines she says to Iz later on after Noah is exposed.

Run and puke face.

Don't be a douche MIchael

Might not be a high school crush. More paralleling.

Max, don't be a dick to Cam. More than just try. And don't make it sound like a burden for fuck sakes.

"xenophobia sells more tickets"

I have Maria boot envy

And here comes the heartbreak

"I was dating a Chad"

"All the Chad's end up being Chad's"

That is some grade A dialogue right there.

Poor Diego

2 min break, I need a hot drink to stop myself coughing.

BRB

Could be. Might also be that Noah's blocks are weakening?

You go for it Cam.

Oh OK. Max you fucking dork.

OMG Liz, not cool.

Cam shutting this shit down right now.

Max making possibly the worst life choice ever seen on tv

Kyle Manuel Valenti!

And the most shit I'm busted face ever seen on a grown man.

Kyle why did you say love triangle? Don't say that.

Totally, he's hopeless but extra hopeless when your Mum is sheriff.

Sheriff Valenti has Jesse mans sussed out.

Tbh, I feel Max's pain as Liz reads out that letter. I found some stuff recently that I wrote at that age. OMFG, it was pretentious and oh so serious.

I like the hot sauce homage to OG

And then Liz just goes all in.

Don't do it Alex.

Fair warning I'm about to say some stuff about Alex that people might not like.

"I'm an airman, I can't be with a criminal".

Gods, Alex, no. You just let your Dad win.

You just told Michael he isn't important.

"All my life, the system has put me at the mercy of ciminals"

This line. FUck me.

Just another example of Michael flat out telling people the honest, painful, fucking private truth about his life and people then just blowing him off.

He just does it over and over again and then people have the fucking gall to say "we didn't know" How the fuck did you not know?

From anyone else it's bad but from Alex? Alex who knows Michael, who knows Michaels life, who has seen more of the cruelty of the world than anyone else in the show, from Alex it's a betrayal.

Yep, and using that as an excuse just compounds it. Because he's using the actions that Michael takes in order to survive against him. Compounds that betrayal.

And for me, if any action by Alex could be described as being a dick move, it's this one.

And I know why Alex does it, I really, really do, but fuck, it's still really, really bad.

And, And, all this happens in Michael's truck, his home, that Alex fucking knows he lived in during high school.

"Just trying to survive it"

Again, truth.

Not live, not escape. Survive.

Exactly.

Yes, he is Michael.

Fuck no, Alex. You don't get to say that. You don't get to blame Michael for your choices.

And Michael's sigh. Not even disappointed. Just resigned. Same ole, same ole.

Fair cop Liz. You don't really think Max killed Rosa.

But I'm also sorted glad they didn't make Liz into the sort of person who dismisses her own experience and world view just because she likes someone.

Max, it's not you place to decide what Liz can handle.

"That's what everything is about for me". Max, Max, Max. I'm impressed you could say that without coming off as a creepy stalker type.

You know what Max, now would be an excellent time to come clean about everything, just sayin'.

true

Noah, Noah

"I knew what I was marrying into" we now know what an understatement that was from Noah.

Gotta be honest, telling your husband that someone else is your person is a bit harsh.

You have two unhappy brothers Iz, pay attention.

True, but also Michael's abuser as well? I sort of read it as they both know the other isn't OK and they just don't talk about it with each other?

Noah, I'm trying really hard to block out that you are not a good guy.

Maria - "Max is so harmless" and Liz's face.

Kyle, Kyle, Kyle.

I really like how they actually have the smart person (a doctor) actaually be smart? He knows Jesse has power.

Paul Ryan comment

He cooperates just enough. Though I think part of that is he still doesn't trust Max.

Oh yeah

Max loosing his shit

Shut up Jesse, just shut the fuck up.

Yeah, not subtle but still good.

Overall not a bad episode.

As I said, not really a fan of the treasure hunt storyline.

I'm really happy with the way they handled Kyle dealing with Jesse. Again another example of a storyline that would drag out for seasons on other shows.

More backstory for Alex and Michael. My poor boys.

Love Maria giving us a more balanced view of Rosa. Who I am really looking forward to seeing in S2.

Yep, so many examples of how out of the loop people are keeping Maria. And we know it's just going to get worse. I really need for them to give her an opportunity in S2 to really rip into everyone for keeping her in the dark.

And Jesse fucking Manes. Just about everything he says makes sense. He's actually right about aliens. Even right about there being bad ones. But we also know that he's a violent, vindictive dick.

#roswell new mexico #Roswell Nm #roswellnm #rewatch-larenoz

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winstonhcomedy · 5 years

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“Dope A-F” - 1/28-1/30- “I Think I’m Going to Lose It”

What’s up baybees!?!? I’ve got a lot of shows to cover in a short amount of time. We’ve got a couple good ones, but for the most part this week has been a struggle. Definitely some super trying times, and I don’t know exactly what to do. I figured it’s time to share with you some of you laydees! So let’s get to it.

1/28

We had a twofer Monday night. I was super excited about it. For a lot of reasons. I had a spot on the showcase at Bottom’s Up pizza hosted by Patrick Buhse, and then I was going to go do a set at Jkogi’s open mic run by five comics (Brittany Andersen, Mu Cuzzo, Rick Williams, Beau Troxclair, and Kate Carroll).

So the Bottom’s Up showcase is going to be interesting. It will be the first show there in like 6 months. It used to be an open mic every single Monday hosted by a comic who is no longer a part of the scene. He lost the room after some accusations came out about some misconduct. I am not going to comment too much on it because I know there are some court proceedings going on/about to start going on.

Needless to say most people thought comedy would never happen there again. Thankfully Patrick Buhse got the room, and he booked a pretty dope lineup for the first showcase. I invited some people from work, and made sure to share the event info quite a bit. I thought this was going to be a dope show, and people would be excited for comedy to be back.

I get to the show a couple hours early and try to get some writing done. As we get closer to the show there is only two audience members. I am starting to get worried. I always do. Which is dumb, and I need to work on it. I just freak out about attendance for every show I am at. It is a dumb fear, but for right now I can not help it.

Jesse Jarvis shows up and sets up the PA. He and I start to move the tables and get the room set up. Buhse, James Muñoz, Kate Carroll also show up. After a while some people start to filter in. I have about three people from work come out (thankfully they haven’t seen a lot of my comedy so at least it will be new to them). We keep pushing the show back waiting for a crowd. It never happens. We have 8 audience members who aren’t comedians. They are all spread out, and usually this means the show is not going to be fun.

Buhse goes up and has a good hosting set. The people there are actually laughing. I realize they all have good energy and this is actually going to be pretty dope. After his set he brings up Jesse Jarvis who keeps the train rolling with a. strong set. Kate Carroll followed him and we get more of the same. The energy in the room is great for such few people. During her set Francesca Lyn comes in and we have the full lineup there.

It is my turn. I go up and I see a lady in the front row. I ask her name, and after she tells me I say, “ok cool now I officially know everyone in this room.” That gets a good laugh and I go into my material. I do about ten minutes featuring bits I have been working on for a bit. I feel like this chunk is taking longer to get finished than most. I think I’ve been lazy which is on me. Also the topics are a little more sensitive (race, gay conversion therapy, politics) so that also makes them tougher to sell. The set goes really well. Honestly I’d give it a solid B. I felt really good about it.

Afterwards Francesca goes up and has a dope set, and James closes it out with a hot one. He had manic energy while he read off a huge list of jokes. he was like a human Twitter stream. Everybody had a good set, and the show was fun. it was fun enough that I hope Buhse can start to pack it out and turn it into something awesome.

I hop in my car and drive to do a spot at Jkogi. There is a pretty good crowd, but they don’t seem super into it. I walk in and the PA sounds pretty busted. It keeps cutting in and out. I walk in during a dude bombing and see my buddy Alex there. We talk for a bit and then he goes up. He has an amazing set. He caught some lightning in a bottle. All of his riffs on the PA not working killed. His jokes worked as well. It was definitely the best set I saw of the night. He did so well he made it really tough for Jameson who had to follow him. He didn’t have the energy to really follow the type of set Alex had. You really had to grab the dingy and ride the wave.

Jameson bails early and I find out I am on stage next. I don’t even have time to grab my notebook so I just go up and do my set. I don’t even remember what I did. I am a little out of it and that’s to my detriment. Some of my jokes do ok, but I never really capture the audience the way I want to. I get a couple pops but thats about it. It is also distracting because to my left Jameson is just talking about how his set went. It wasn’t loud enough to distract the crowd, but he was close enough to the stage that I could hear it so it just felt like voices in my head. It is also weird when a show has multiple hosts, because most of them are lighting so I have to acknowledge like 3 different lights. I’m like I GET IT I’M BOMBING! I’d give this set a D+ or C-. Idk it was fine, but I didn’t love it.

I go outside and talk to Alex, and Mike Engle for a bit. We get a good riff session in and Alex walks me to my car. We talk about bombing, and how his set went. Alex also tells me that even though he doesn’t read it he is proud I am keeping up with the blog. Which is as nice and honest a compliment you can give someone. It was a good talk. I hop in my car and head home.

1/29

So this is where it starts to get juicy. This is one of those rare nights in Richmond where you have the opportunity to get up not once, not twice, but three times!!!

I pick up Alex Castagne and we go grab a bite to eat before the shows. I take my goPro in and we make a video. I came up with my new video series called the Lunch Boiyz. We went to Golden Corral and Beau Troxclair joins us. We end up shooting a super funny video, and have a really great time.

After this we head back to Alex’s place and meet up with Paige. We all head down to Mojo’s to find out where we are in the lineup. We were going to do Mojos, City Dogs, and then end at Fallout. We talk to Buhse and find out that won’t work so we reassess and head to City Dogs first.

We get there and the host Benjamin Braman is setting up. There is like 4 audience members, and only like 5 comics total on the list. Kenn Edwards and Liz Carr show up, and we make up the 5 comics.

Braman goes up and does a short hosting set before bringing up Paige. Paige is working out a new chunk of trans material and he has ben nervous to. try it in RVA. It goes ok. Not a bad set. I go up next and honestly have a really hot one. All of my stuff is really hitting and the four audience members are super into it. I am able to riff some new lines which feels really good. I’d give this set a B. Honestly I don’t know if I could have done better with my material in that room.

After me Alex goes up and has a good one. He does a bunch of crowd work and works out his new shit as well. They dig it and a few more people walk in during his set. I wish more people did this room. It is a humongous shame that people have a chance to get a lot of stage time and refuse to do it. A lot of people talk about grinding and trying to make it but I think only the three of us ended up doing all three open mics. They also aren’t even that far apart and the timing is perfect to do all three.

Before Kenn goes up I head over with Paige to Fallout. We talk in the car and head inside. Beau is there and so is Kate. Kat Malone is hosting and she gets us a good spot so we can also make Mojos.

Alex goes up after the same comic who did a street joke at Hof Garden two weeks ago. The PA is absolutely garbage for Alex tonight. Every time he moves he gets crazy feedback. Then he riffs on the bad PA and this time unlike Jkogi it doesn’t work. So he gets some laughs but all in all it is a rough set. Paige then goes up and he tries some stuff and gets some laughs. He works on his trans chunk again (I'm proud of him for doing it in RVA). After his set I go up and proceed to eat a fat one. I can’t connect. Some stuff does ok, but most of it falls flat. It’s like idk wtf I'm doing anymore. I’d give this set a D. I needed more energy and needed to sell it more.

We finally head over to Mojos. The hang is fun. I am up in like 8 comics but I really am exhausted so Paige and I switch and I get to go up a few comics earlier. Alex goes up and is getting nothing. We watch a few more comics bomb. The crowd was kind of dead. They were all in the back of the room and either comics or just people that don’t give af about comedy. I tell myself I am just going to do my material.

I go up and bomb harder than I did at Fallout. I did my set and kept working on the wording, but it felt awful. Legit it felt like I was just like staring into the eyes of 30 people who have just started comedy looking at me thinking, “how the hell does this guy get booked on anything.” It sucks. I’d rate this a D or D- as well. Maybe one thing worked, and it wasn’t what I really wanted to work. I mopily walk to my car and drive home.

1/30

I have a solid day of work. I get to go to the Science Museum which was super dope. I am trying to destress after a rough night of comedy. I edit together my Lunch Boiyz video and I am crazy happy about it.

After work I do some relaxing with friends, and then grab dinner with Alex. We go to this Philly Cheesesteak place next to Garden Grove in Cary town. It is pretty good. I show him the LB video and he loves it.

There is two shows tonight. Home Sweet Home hosted by Jacob McFadden and then Nuevo Mexico hosted by Moe Singleton. HSH is a pretty fun hang. Tons of new comics, but also some of my buddies show up. The show starts and I’m going second. Jacob starts us off and there is an ok sized crowd upstairs. So I am anticipating having an ok set. I’ve got about five new minutes on teaching that I want to work on.

Jacob always does a joke intro for people. They’re always funny, and can put you in a weird spot on stage because the audience has no idea that it is a joke. He really got me this night. It was a perfect aligning of the stars. I get brought up to, “this next comic used to do this super offensive character where he pretended to teach autistic kids, but thankfully he stopped Winston Hodges.” So now all my teaching stuff is out the window and I just work out other material.

I BOMB SO HARD HERE. Like according to Alex I did better than I think, but I felt like legit nothing was working. There was a dude there who was doing comedy for the first time as a punishment for fantasy football, and he came up during my set and he is just talking. I can’t shit on him because he brought the crowd, but I truly feel like I am floundering. I feel like nothing is working and I want to bail early. I do my time, but do not feel good about it. I’d give this set an F. Alex goes up and has a hot one. Gets lots of laughs, and everything at least hits a little bit. It is dope to see.

I walk outside with Alex after and I am furious. Like legit am having a breakdown. I feel like all of the newer comics hate me, they think I’m unfunny, and they’re just staring at me because I’m a hack. This kills me. The bombing hurts so bad. I feel like all of my jokes are trash and I legit feel like I can’t remember what a good set feels like or how to do crowd work. I don’t see the point in continuing to work out new material. We have a nice talk. I am in my feels, and am devastated. I decide I am not going to Nuevo Mexico. I can’t do it. I am defeated. Alex says let’s go inside and say bye to Jacob. He goes in and I sit down to talk to Beswick and wait for Alex.

Beswick and I have a good talk. He understands where I am coming from. He gets what is going on, and he knows it is tough. He reaffirms what I already know. That I have to keep doing new, because that is how you get good in the first place. Him and Alex both remind me we don’t need to impress anyone, this is all about working on our acts.

It has been like 15 minutes and I don’t see Alex. I assume he is upstairs. He calls me and then texts me asking where I am. I tell him I’m driving. I figured it’d be a good gag because I’m his ride. He’d rush downstairs and we’d leave.

So like another twenty minutes goes by and I go upstairs to watch Brown Frown the Clown ( a character portrayed by Mike Shea). It is insane. It has ballads about poop, jokes about rimming, and Brown Frown eats shit on stage (literally). It is nuts. Mike does a lot of characters. They are always insane sets that change the energy in a room. I respect what he does a lot. I could never do it. It is so different from what I do on stage it is kind of astounding to watch. Audiences are always trying to figure out what is going on and that is the beauty of it. Super funny and fun set.

I finally text Alex did you leave? He says yes. I go outside and we talk on the phone. Apparently it was a miscommunication. He was outside waiting at my car when he texted and called. He thought me saying I was driving was me telling him to screw off so he got a ride to Nuevo Mexico. I am pretty furious. Not at him but at the situation. I wouldn’t have sat in the room where I bombed so hard I wanted to die in for an additional 40 minutes if I had known he left.

I say screw it. I get in my car and drive to Nuevo. I don’t care if I bomb again. I legit refuse to let comedy beat me. I get to Nuevo and as I walk in Alex told me he was texting me it was good I didn’t come there. Super light and drunk crowd. Super talkative. Alex said he did pretty well with crowd work but you really had to work it.

Ben Oliver, Nathan Carlson, John Marg, Rebecca Hyman and Moe were all there. I get to see John and Ben go up. There are some moments in each set that are dope. Marg had a strong set. First time I’ve ever seen him do crowd work and he weaved his jokes in and out. Definitely a good thing to see. Ben did some as well. He is still working on being comfortable on stage, but I love that he isn’t afraid to do the tough rooms to try to figure that shit out.

The it is my turn. Even more people have left at this point. I look at Alex and we both share a side eye. The look that this might not go well. We start laughing. I see Moe has a shit on that he made that says “embrace the bomb”. So I decide to just go up and do my thing.

I have an incredibly hot set all things considered. I do about fifteen minutes. Most of it is crowd work with some rowdy hecklers. I really go in on this guy and he loves it. I get a few applause breaks (weird with only 7 people) and some super good pops. I feel so good during this set I don’t want to stop. I do about three actual jokes and they both kill. I ended on an applause break. I know this might mean nothing to most people but this was one of the most validating sets I’ve had in a long time. I’d give myself a B+ or A-. It was a reminder of what I can do when I am not in my own head. Bombing is part of the process, and always will be. I just have to keep working on accepting it and accepting that it doesn’t matter what anyone thinks about my act other than myself/audience.

I stay and watch Rebecca’s set. She closes on her song and I dance and sing every word to the delight of Alex. It is super catchy and I memorized it fast. I had a blast. I give Alex a ride home and then drive back to my place late and pass out. I needed this week. This feels like a big moment for my growth comedically.

So that’s it folks. We are all caught up finally. WOOO HOOOO. Yall’re the kindest laydees who have ever lived and I love you so much. Check out the Lunch Boiyz on Youtube! XOXO love you

#comedy #lunch #vlog #dinner #jokes #standup #improv #richmond #character #hilarious #bomb

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littlemessyjessi · 3 years

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“Chasing Jessi”: A Sirius Black Story: Plus Size OC: Chapter 8: “True Happiness”

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Sirius Black Imagine Turned Story

Re-Written and Edit of an old story of mine I had on Mibba that deserved some more love and attention, lol.

Sirius Black x Jess Scamander (OC, OFC, PLUS SIZE OC, PLUS SIZE OFC)

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The day was November the second. The time was precisely 11:53 p.m. Just a few more minutes, the day would change over and it would be the birthday of none other than Sirius Black. Who, coincidently, lay no further than three feet from the current all out war raging in James Potter's bed. War you ask? What's the matter, you ask? Jess happened. At ten til twelve, Jess had snuck into the boys dormitory with full intentions of being the first to tell her boyfriend happy birthday. However, her plans were foiled when she saw JAMES sitting up in his own bunk. Just waiting... "No." he had said to her when she entered. "I've been the one to do this for the past six years. It's my right." "I'm his girlfriend." she had whispered. "I'm his best MATE." he had countered. "Well, I'm prettier!" she argued quietly. "Says who?" he challenged her in a harsh whisper. Her full lip had curled into a snarl before she shoved him into his bed. She jumped on top of him before she promptly tried to suffocate him with his own pillow. Eventually....their 'quiet' scuffling awoke everyone in the room. "What are you two on about?" Remus groaned as he turned on the light. "What now?" came Sirius' groggy sleep deprived voice as he pulled back the curtain of his bunk to see his girlfriend straddling his best mate in his bunk. He lifted a dark brow. "Not exactly the way I'd like to start out my birthday, but ok. I'll give you a chance to explain before I blow my top." he said trying to wipe the sleep from his eye. "Hap-" James started but Jess clapped her hand over his mouth. "Happy Birth-" she got out before James did the same and the wrestling began again. Eventually she bit him and they went tumbling off the bed and she kept trying to choke him. "Guys." Sirius said tiredly. "You stupid black haired, four eyed, quidditch playing little -" she said hitting him with each insult. "Guys." Sirius repeated rubbing his eyes. "Oi!" he defended and tried to shove her off. "Nothing about me is little!" "Guys." he said again. "That's not what I'm going to tell, Lilypad..." she grinned evilly as she socked him in the arm. "You wouldn't-" "Hey!" Sirius snapped. "Happy Birthday to me! There, problem solved. Now, neither of you were the first." "Awwww." Jess and James said in unison. Sirius rolled his dark grey eyes at the both of them. "It's midnight. Please just go to bed." he said, so tired with the both of them. Clearly, he wasn't THAT much of a morning person. And it was only further proven when he laid back down and ripped the curtains shut around him. Jess eventually got off James and he got back in his bunk. The two of them glared at each other momentarily before Remus turned the lights out again and she turned to leave. However, before she did, Sirius felt something soft press against his cheek and a sweet little, "I love you. Happy Birthday." was whispered in his ear. Soon followed by the undeniable sock in James' arm judging by his groan and a faint, "Ha!" And then she was gone. Sirius couldn't help the smile on his lips as he drifted back off to sleep. As crazy as they all were....he was so lucky to have them all in his life. Several hours later, the four Marauders were heading down to the Great Hall for some breakfast. James' felt like he had been justified since he'd actually given Sirius his first present on his actual birthday. However, when he saw that crazy girl sitting at the table waiting on them....he felt a little nervous. She had Lily on one side, Alice on the other and a pleasant smile on her face. She was quietly eating her pancakes. Now, those that knew her knew that there was very little that she actually did quiet....and pancakes and syrup were not one of them. Pancakes were an event. Pancakes were a celebration. Pancakes were, to Jess, life. So, to see her so composed....well it made the Quidditch captain a bit uneasy. But as they approached, she leapt from her seat and fled the Great Hall. At first, no one really paid that much attention....because sporadic events such as that were common place with a girl like Jess Scamander. However, as the day progress and the hours passed...Sirius felt a bit down. Most of his birthday had passed now and he'd barely seen her. He didn't expect her to dote on him but....he cared for her deeply....and he'd thought that maybe they'd spend time together on his birthday. He knew the deal with Jess. Sure, he knew she was wild and that she loved to explore...and that a great deal of her time she spent covered in mud, searching for some odd little creature. He supposed he just missed her was all. Their relationship was rather fresh after all. Officially, only a few days in but he'd felt like it was much longer...mostly because he'd spent so much time pining after her. However, apparently their short lived honeymoon phase was shorter than normal. Needless to say....he was moping around the castle. He ACTUALLY went the the library and when he got there he knew something was wrong with him. Since when did Sirius Black actually go the library...out of boredom?! He was in desperate need of some firewhiskey and he knew just the person to get it for him. Off he went in search of a few Ravenclaws he knew he buy some off of. However, at each source he was turned down. The more he tried to cheer himself up....the further down he got. People kept avoiding him. James had already blown him off for a quick game of Quidditch. Remus had to study...which wasn't all that unusual to be honest. Peter claimed he had already made plans with someone else. Eventually he found himself in front of the entrance to the kitchens. With a sigh, he tickled the pear and let himself in for a snack. However, upon arrival he was a little shocked to find the house elves in full motion, preparing as if dinner was near. Which they most certainly were not since it had been a few hours ago. As he looked around he noticed how much of his own favorite food littered the space before mysteriously disappearing. "Hello, Master Black." came the voice of a tiny elf he knew to be named Posey. "May I help you?" "Er, yeah. Where's all this food going?" he questioned carefully. She shook her head, "I mustn't tell anyone that, Sir. Terribly sorry bout that. Would you like a snacker or something?" His curiosity having peaked he waved her off and he left the kitchens in search of where that food had mysteriously disappeared to. Eventually, having searched corridor after corridor, he bumped into Alice. "Oh, hello, Sirius. Sorry." she smiled apologetically. "No problem." he said softly. Alice tilted her head, "What's wrong, Black?" "Nothing." he faked a smile. Alice gave him a rather pointed look. Sirius sighed. "It's just....I feel like everyone's been avoiding me today. I mean, I don't expect anything special or anything for my birthday but it just seems like- oh, bloody hell, this is ridiculous." Alice smiled, "It's not ridiculous, Sirius. I'm sure there's a perfectly good reason." He just nodded...not entirely believing her attempts to make him feel better. "Well, if you'd like I'm looking for this so called Room of Requirement. You can tag along if you'd like and we can see if we can find it." she offered. "Oh, I know where that is." he said with a shrug. "Come on. I'll show you." Alice smirked as the boy turned and walked in the other direction before looking back at her. "Coming?" he asked with raised brows. "Yes." she smiled and fell in step with him. Alice played dumb and let him lead her to it before he turned to her. "It's pretty simple." he said nodding his head to the blank wall in front of them. "You just have to visualize what you want and then just walk back and forth three times. To put it plain- if you should need a toilet." he said and demonstrated before a door popped up and revealed a toilet. "Cool." Alice smiled. "Try it." he said. Alice smirked and visualized what she wanted before another door appeared. Sirius stepped up and opened the door to what appeared to be a dark room. He peered inside and yelped when she shoved him in. "Oi! Alice, what the bloody-" "Surprise!" His gray eyes were as wide as saucers as wands lit the room and many smiling faces greeted him. Complete with party streamers, balloons and confetti. Good music, all his favorite foods, a table full of gifts and plenty of room to dance. His face was priceless as he stared around the room. A surprise party....for him? His eyes searched the faces of his friends before they landed on one in particular. Jess stood there in a rainbow stripped dress and a grin a mile wide. Unbeknownst to her, James, Peter and Remus were pointing at her behind her back. Sirius strode right to her, pulled her into his arms and planting her with a massive kiss. Eventually they separated for air and she gasped. "Well, Merlin's Beard, Snookums!" she giggled. "If I knew a little party would produce that reaction I'd have told you this morning!" He pressed his forehead against hers, "I fucking love you." Her eyes sparkled as she grinned at him, "I love you too. Now, let's party! There's cake to be had!" The evening progressed with ease and happiness. A lovely meal, the opening of presents and plenty of time to dance. It was a blast...unforgettable. As the people began to disperse, Sirius pulled Jess out onto the dance floor. He was no Sinatra but one perk of his upbringing required him to know a handful of ballroom dances. Although, a basic slow danced worked just fine as he held her close to him. Sirius stared at Jess with his steely dark grey eyes. "You're staring me, Sirius." she pointed out with a smile. "You're beautiful." he said honestly. She smiled, "Thank you." "Thank you. For all of this, Jess. Really it's the best present I've ever received." he told her. "Well, you're welcome but this isn't your present." she said. "It's not?" he questioned. She shook her head with a smile. "Follow me." she said taking his hand. "And also, I plan to rub what you just said in James' face later...so just prepared for him to mope." Sirius snorted and tossed his arm around her shoulder so he could kiss her temple. She lead him out of the castle....pulling some rather sneaky maneuvers to get past curfew, mind you. However, eventually they made it to Hagrid's empty hut. Only vacant because the half giant was currently still in the room of requirement....presumably drinking himself silly. "What are we doing at Hagrid's?" he asked curiously as she wove through the pumpkin patch toward something covered in a large tarp. She turned around and smiled, "Oh, so she still needs some work and I'm thinking a fair bit of magic might really make her extra special. But I'm telling you, she's a real diamond in the rough, Siri." Sirius couldn't help the smile tugging at his lips, "Jess, what are you on about?" She ripped the tarp off to reveal a beautiful motorcycle. Shock covered his features as he made his way over and took it all in. "Like I said, she needs a little love but I've done a lot of work on herself myself so she rides pretty smooth. She's just not as easy on the eyes." Jess rambled. "Although, I think I've worked out a fair few spells that will really make a -" Sirius cut her off but cradling her face and giving her another passionate kiss. It damn near flushed the air from her lungs. "Why did you do this?" he asked her. He just couldn't understand why and how he'd been so fortunate to have her. "Because I love you." she said softly. "And I thought it would be something you'd like. Do you like it?" "I love it." he said. "Almost as much as you. Almost." She patted the seat of the bike affectionately with a smirk. "You know." she grinned. "I'm betting I could place a silencer on it for now....if you wanted to go for a late night ride...." "I don't know how to drive it." he admitted. "I do." she grinned. "I can teach you. It's pretty easy and not that much different than a broom. Get on." She hopped on first and he slid around behind her. "Ok just reach around me and we'll do it together." she said looking at him over her shoulder but he was already staring at her. She bashfully looked away as she cast the charm on the bike and cranked it up. It roared to life beneath them and she popped a wheelie...just to mess with him. However, the laughter that came from him made her soul shine. He was happy....truly happy and that was all she had ever wanted.

Chapter Seven

Chapter Nine

Hello, loves! How do we feel about this chappie? Sirius’ surprise party and his bike! Squee!!!!! The boy is in love!!!!!!!

I’d love to what you think! Please feel free to hit up the ask box, blast the comment section or reblog with your thoughts and feelings! Next chappie coming soon!

All my love darlings!

Kenny

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@frankie2902

@pleasantdreamqueen @becrazy–beyou

@littledeadrottinghood @blackirisposts

@therealmrshale @woodworthti666@thegreatirene@fanfictionandjunk

@angelus320

@alanlizzingtonshore@buriednurbckyrd@disneymarina@tubbypeachwriting

@sullybot @georgiagrl1990 @whenallsaidanddone

@mischiefnevermanaged94 @inumorph

@congurl

@centerhabit

@bubblymusiclover13

@qtmeryr

@thisismysecrethappyplace

@tnupsweetpie

@alisoncdariel

@hannahloveslife

@wormyboi

@blackirisposts

@maggyme13

@amethyst09

@ibenkastberg

@fanfics1717 @mrscasnovak

@thickemadame @babygirl-barnes

@theladyofmasks @aengsty

@kalliravenne

@witchygagirl

@gruffle1

@writtenbywolfie

@kribbydahhufflepuff

@leah-halliwell92

@thelastwildangel

@silent-browser

@simplymagical@simplymagicalwritings

@lilacflicker

@malulucifer

@minxyvixen

@moncheriemoony

@queenlexusloverofbts

@criminalyetminimal

@plus-size-reader

@owenniasstars

Love, Kenny

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teakiii-archive · 6 years

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wow ahh eek okay !?? 2k? that’s insane wowow ily all sm

tbh i think im always a bit of a flop so a huGe thank you for making me feel so loved + happy ♥

but...ofc i have to mention people that have always stuck with me + go on tangents about how much i love these simblrs !!

@surreysimmer aH OK wOW molly *sweats* you are such a great friend + i love you lots !! you always make me smile and you make my day on the daily, a few months ago, we probably had no idea we were going to get so close but im so thankful that we’re just good friends i mean wowza your blog is top notch all the time. not to mention ahem my otp poppy and august (i can fight nicola thanks) is acc the cutest thing i’ve ever seen like???? how??? ilysm ♥

@honeyiko eek you know how much i love kate diego ! you are such a funny person to be around and you make me laugh so hard i can’t breatHE,,,,and like amara + zaRA gorgeous goddesses wow i love them, you make me feel better when im sad :’) idk what i would do w/o you tbh not to mention you pushed me to broaden my cc horizon ( i have 9 gbs now diEGO) thank you for being the diego to my dora, ilysm

@littlemissnellie eL ah where do i begin? i remember meeting you back in around maybe august? and we talked about roast dinners and how adorable you and your accent is! i know youre not too happy abt your blog currently (psa: go send el some love !!) but i loVE it lots and the daleys kill me everyday ♥ ill miss them for sure; but you + your health come first! so never forget that. you are such an adorable lil bean and it really sucks for us to start drifting apart a bit eek!! i hope we get to catch up on the weekend a bit more ♥ always remember that i love you lots!

@rosypyxels wOO rose omg ! even though sometimes we go days w/o talking we just fall back into it immediately! you are so incredibly talented and sweet (um not to mention gORGEOUS) i know you’ve been going through a hard time recently; but i love how we constantly fan over how hOt all those models on pinterest are i mean wOWZA ! you never fail to amaze me with those crazy good makeup skills + your style?? where do i even start??? its so great??? ilysm + even though you don’t post much here; im glad to have you in my life :’)

@tiredtoothache saV oH my goodness gracious !! your blog like how??!! your sims are so prettY?? and i cant handle it?? and ken?? wow?? wcif that talent???????? i remember coming across your blog around hmm maybe late july/ august and thinking wow her story? john? i cant deal!! you are also v kind + super sweet, even though we don’t chat too much im v glad that we’re friends ! (ps we really should chat more but i suck at carrying conversations rip) ilysm sav!

@okyio chrisTy im sobbing where do i even begin? im still insisting that you were sent from the gods to make us cry bc of those dazzling editing skills (not to mention how cute sage + mu are ) i know recently things have been happening but im sending never ending love n support! (let me know if im overbearing) but seriously; you never fail to wow me with how gentle and patient you are. you are so kind and nice to everyone, i hope you feel a lot better soon but until then make sure to take care ♥ ily!

@dust-bubbles albertaaaa !! you are such a fun, genuine person to be around. you are so talented and not to mention super modest ♥ you are too sweet !! your cc is always top notch (i cant deal like actually) i hope we get to know each other better bc wowza you are such a cool bean and im glad i’ve gathered the courage to talk to you a few months ago because i’ve gotten to know one of the sweetest beans on the planet ily!

@citruswhims caL omG i was there back in the day with little callia bean !! and i remember i texted you to ask if you were doing okay and then blossomed a beautiful friendship filled with a lot of dog pictures and talking in all caps! you are unbelievably vibrant and just a bright person overall ! im glad we got to know each other (even though sometimes we don’t talk too much) i love you sm + im just so haPPY that we’re friends ♥

@amessofsims LINA LINA LINA you are such a spontaneous bright ray of sUNSHINE!!! exCEPT for the fact that we all know we pour the cereal first, then the milk (take notes lina) you always make me laugh + wow i just love you ok??? never forget that !! thank you for always making me smile ♥

@vvindenburg jiLLS!!! i remember finding your blog through i think a giveaway in june? (when i only had a cc finds blog that only tumblrbot followed omg) i fell in love with gem and julia the moment i saw their adorable faces !! and now we have delos + delphi (sorry phi; but delos is just the better twin :/) you always make me laugh through funny posts that reference memes oR your editing bc thanks for making me crY jiLLS ilysm ♥

@brndletonbae hILLS! (as you can see it rhymes with jills) but yes i remember i think in july?? i jumped up and starting screaming bc yesdarlingsims had followed me. (ahem nodarlingsims now) but you-POPPY- OLLIE sO mucH lOVE im going to cRY, thank you sm for inspiring me to make this kinda mess of a blog, even though we dont talk too much; im glad we chat through asks sometimes! ily hills ♥

@idioticjenna (jenna ok i had to move you down for the gifs im sorry)

people i love lots:

@alwaysimming (can we talk about how nice and supportive you are?) // @vvatore (ok but your textposts just make my day)// @simsluname (hello you beautiful gif queeN ily) // @tea-sims (your blog?? is goals? wcif all that amazing talent??????) // @sammyshuno (where’s bella is and always will be something that is worth staying up still 6 am to read) // @cellblocksimmer (betH omg can your sims kill me please) // @simshuie (tbh lauren we aLL know that lorcan + elide are the cutest + thank you for being sweet n great) // @smubuh (abby, your tutorials are the bEST and idk what i would do w/o you or your blog; your willingness to help never fails to astound me) // @sandy-sims (amazing poses?? great sims ?? phenomenal stories?? yes please!! ) // @thisk (your sims are my weakness wOW! your townies !!? i love!?) // @ahhkaitlyn (you are so sWEET??? i love your blog??)// @domiella (domi ily!!? sm!! wow you are so beautiful inside and out!) // @whiisker (you know i love frankie bc she wOW !! i love your aesthetic skdjf)// @woohoodlums (crazy gorgeous sims + edits?? sign me up) // @meisiu (your houses !! slay me!?) // @grapfruit (your psds !! your edits!!! wow!!) // @panda-plumbobs (ahh amber !! i love your blog?? sm?? we should def talk more ♥) // @tigerellasims ( i crY i love your legacy !! so much!! ) // @cowplant-pizza (your legacy *ahem* those amazing spICY posts !! your poses! ) // @sundaessims (quinlin!! ily!! your tags give me life + your bio too) // @mooon-sims (your lookbooks!! i die!) // @faeflowr (your gameplay pics! and your cc finds ahhhh) // @kiwiikio (im crying bc your blog is just so perfect and i love it so much im going to cry wow) // @harrybuts (you know ily mack ) // @ridgeport ( i LIVE for nES and your mind-blowing cc) // @rosetrii (your dOODLES I caNNOT) // @roseyki (your cc and your sIMS ahhh) // @starryllamas (jESS your sIMS i and your edITS ily) ps gotta spam your blog soon so watch out ;)

side note: i tend to forget things a lot!!! so if you think i missed you, message me ♥ (im vv sorry)

@idioticjenna even though our friendship didnt exactly start off on the right foot, im glad i’ve gotten to know you better! jenna you are hiLARIOUS omg i just love it, you have so much talent like wth ??? thank you for being so sweet n kind ♥ have a gif:

thank you all for all of this, i couldn’t possibly ask for anything better than this ♥ please take care of yourselves, i love you all so much. please dont forget that my messages and inbox are always open if you ever need anything !!

#thank you!#woW #♥#nonsims #elys.txt #2k

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sophieebdaily · 3 years

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Sophie gave a really strong and powerful interview for today’s edition of ‘You Magazine’ talking about her book ‘Spinning Plates’, out on October 7th. She looked back in her old days and there are some deep relevation she’s never talked about before and personally it shocked me a lot. Read the article below, written by Hattie Crisell:

With six albums, five children, a podcast and her fabulous lockdown kitchen discos, SOPHIE ELLIS-BEXTOR appears to lead a perfect charmed life. But as she tells Hattie Crisell, writing her new memoir took her back to much darker days.

This is the second time I have interviewed singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor, and she is exactly as I remember her. I’m not referring to her appearance, although of course she’s memorably striking – tall, green-eyed and beautiful, and today wearing a typically colourful floral jumpsuit that she picked up for £20 at a festival.

But there’s also something distinctive about her manner, which I admired last time, and even find myself envying. Sophie puts it best in her new memoir, Spinning Plates: Music, Men, Motherhood and Me. ‘It’s been my goal to be unapologetic. Kind, considerate, but clear with my boundaries.’ And that’s exactly how she comes across.

It’s not always easy for women to maintain those boundaries, and I include myself among them – traditionally, we’ve been encouraged to ease social encounters by being obliging. But while Sophie is polite, friendly, and prone to bursts of raucous laughter, she also projects a steady, low-key faith in who she is and what she thinks. Interviewing her is straightforward precisely because her boundaries are clear: I know that if she objects to a topic, she will say so. Yet when I warn her that I have questions about the more difficult parts of her book, she assures me that she feels fine talking about any of it.

Because the thing is, the 42-year-old woman I’m having lunch with today – an artist who has released six studio albums, produced five children and entertained the nation through lockdown with her famous kitchen discos – is in a much happier place than the girl I’ve been reading about in her memoir, who perhaps didn’t have that confidence. While Sophie always felt she was destined to be famous (‘Cringy to write but also true,’ as it says in the book), she went through a number of deeply unpleasant experiences in her late teens and early 20s that have shaped who she is today.

It started, she explains, with the ladette culture at the end of the 1990s, just as she was emerging from adolescence. The ladette ‘drank pints and had one-night stands, she could talk the talk and walk the walk, she wore a Wonderbra and could banter with the boys. She was ‘who I was supposed to be,’ writes Sophie. It was all about showing bravado when it came to sex and booze; but there wasn’t space to let on if you were uncomfortable or felt vulnerable. ‘It was intimidating and I felt way out of my league.’

Sophie joined her first band, Theaudience, aged 17, and soon started to be interviewed by male journalists, all of whom were older. They asked questions about her favourite sexual positions and commented on her breasts. During an early appearance on Never Mind The Buzzcocks, she was mocked humiliatingly for being the daughter of a Blue Peter presenter (Janet Ellis), and told ‘You’re not cool.’

And then there was her image, which was treated just as brutally. One photographer took an upskirt photo of her without her knowledge and sold it to the papers. Later, when Theaudience’s second album had faltered, she took work as a model. During a photo shoot to promote a hair salon, she was pressured into posing semi-topless, despite this being against the terms she’d agreed with her agency. Those photos – ‘me with sequins barely covering my modesty and the saddest eyes ever’, she writes – were eventually sold to Heat magazine.

None of this seedy treatment should be surprising to anyone who remembers the late 90s, yet two particularly damaging experiences stand out. At 17, Sophie met a man in a club and went back to his flat. They started kissing, but when she told him to stop, he didn’t. This rape – a term she took a while to recognise, because consent wasn’t such a hot topic at the time – is how she lost her virginity.

The second experience began shortly afterwards, when Sophie was studying for her A-levels: it was a relationship with an older man that lasted for several years and was increasingly abusive. ‘Teeny tiny, almost imperceptible shifts that make you think it’s normal to be routinely humiliated in public, or to be told you’re an idiot when you make a mistake, or that you’re past it and wrinkly. Before you know it you’re being threatened if you try to show independence,’ she writes. At its worst, her boyfriend wouldn’t allow her to walk down the street alone or look out of the car window. During one argument, he twisted her wrist so hard that the next day it was too swollen for her to put on a watch. She’s opened up about this now simply because a publisher approached her about writing a book, and lockdown seemed as good a time as any. Still, there was plenty to fill her autobiography, including tales of teenage rebellion, a rise to major pop success, an unexpected baby in her mid-20s, and life with a large family – so why did she choose to include these very personal traumas?

‘I think firstly, those things are really quite common,’ she says, as we dig in to lunch at a restaurant near her home in West London – a tiny eaterie where Sophie is such a regular the waitress already knows her order. ‘I think a lot of people have those experiences, and I’m hoping they resonate and reassure them a bit. I remember, in the midst of writing, I read Candice Brathwaite’s book I Am Not Your Baby Mother, and she talks about a similar experience for her. I thought, “Wow – actually seeing it written down by someone else, I find that reassuring.”’

Part of the reason the abuse was so insidious was that her ex’s constant criticisms and put-downs were so casually delivered. ‘You just think, “Oh, this must be what a grown-up relationship is like, this must be how people talk, this must be normal,”’ she says. ‘So much so that with my husband Richard [Jones, bass player in The Feeling], I almost thought, if I did something silly, “Why are you not calling me an idiot? Oh, OK, is that still passionate, then?” And actually yeah, you don’t have to go around punching people to be an amazingly strong person.’

What she went through, she thinks, has helped her to call out abusive behaviour in other situations. ‘Certainly, I’ve been straight-talking with girlfriends about things I think aren’t very healthy. Hopefully, I’ve done it in a way that’s tactful, but sometimes you just have to say to people, “You don’t seem very happy, and I’m just going to repeat back to you the things that you’re telling me,” and hold a mirror up to it, really. Then people make their own decisions.’

Though most of the book is more lighthearted, these two painful events were the chapters she wrote first. ‘I thought, I really want to tell those stories now. It was going back to give myself a voice, the times when I didn’t say something. And also I thought, if you’re going to write a book, what’s the point? To me being brave and bold and honest is all part of it.’ She’s keen to show her fans that an abusive relationship doesn’t have to dictate your future. ‘You can still end up somewhere happy and not be defined by things that weren’t great. Plus, I suppose it was a way of coming to terms with it myself, because you contextualise it in a different way than you did at the time – particularly the dynamic of how women were being written about back then, and what was seen as the goal of how to be a successful young woman. I think that was quite damaging for my generation.’ The ladette stuff? ‘Yeah. I think among my peers, we’re probably all able to say, “What was that about? Thank goodness we don’t have to think about that any more.”’

Though she’s been married for 16 years to Richard and seems to live a largely happy life, what she went through left its mark. She writes in the book that she recently went to a boxing class with her husband, and when the instructor suggested they spar and Richard raised his fists in preparation, she burst into tears: ‘It took me completely by surprise. The sparring had reminded me of something I’d put in a hidden corner of my memory.’

Her ex sounds vile, I say, and she nods. ‘You do crazy things, don’t you? You give so much of yourself. I tried so hard to turn it into something it was never ever going to be. But I did get out. I did change it.’

She talked the book over with her husband before she started it. ‘Richard was incredibly encouraging,’ she says. ‘And we’ve been together a long time now, so there were no surprises. I think he understood the reason why I was motivated to write it; to maybe reach other people in similar situations. He thought it was important for me to do that.’ Her parents, Janet Ellis and the film-maker Robin Bextor, have both read it. ‘Most people that know me, of course, they know bits anyway,’ she says, then laughs, ‘and they also focus on all the stuff that involves them.’

Her kids – Sonny, 17, Kit, 12, Ray, nine, Jesse, five, and Mickey, two – were another reason for writing it. ‘They can start thinking about how they feel about those sorts of things as they get older,’ she says. The book explains that she taught them about consent early on: ‘When they play we use the words, “Stop” and “No”, and they are powerful. No matter how much fun they’ve been having up to that point, if one of them – even laughing – says “No” or “Stop”, then they must stop whatever they are doing. I want to raise considerate, kind people who can take other people’s feelings into account.’

None of them has read her memoir, but Sophie has already told her eldest son what she went through. ‘You gauge it on each child. It might be that it’s not right to talk about it at the same stage with the next child down, but certainly with Sonny I felt like he could understand. I did it in a way that was appropriate – I just told him, “I spent a lot of my time in something that wasn’t great, and you don’t have to do the same.” I’m selective, but I try to give them the insight of whatever I’ve learnt – it’s part of raising someone.’

Beyond that, she’s not worried about their reactions to the book. ‘I don’t think there’s anything that I would struggle to talk to them about. In fact, if I’m perfectly honest, I think they’re going to be pretty uninterested in the whole thing!’ She laughs. ‘My mum’s quite an open person. I’ve learnt things about her from what she’s said on the radio. That’s how she’s comfortable talking about herself, and it’s never bothered me, so my kids have just got to deal with it. They can cope with knowing I’m a whole adult person who lived a life before I was with their dad.’

Her life involved a lot more than the bruising experiences mentioned above. Sophie writes about her parents’ split when she was four, but also about the playground kudos that came with her mother’s presenter role on Blue Peter. Sophie talks fondly of the step-parents she acquired as a child – her mother’s husband John Leach (who died last summer) and her father’s wife Polly Mockford. And she charts the arrival over the years of her younger siblings: Jackson Ellis Leach, 34, who is a drummer in Sophie’s band, Martha Ellis Leach, 30, Dulce Bextor, 24, and 23-year-old twins Bertie and Maisy Bextor.

But perhaps the most heartwarming section of the book is devoted to her husband. It’s a love letter of sorts, that details the kindness and respect he has always shown her, and the easy friendship that evolved into more. She met Richard towards the end of her relationship with the abusive ex, when he auditioned to join her band. She recalls that the first thing she ever said to him was, ‘Nice amp,’ which was surprising, she writes, because ‘it is the only time in my life I’ve either a) really looked at an amp or b) complimented anyone on one.’ At home, they now have a neon sign bearing the words ‘nice amp’.

Things moved fast. She found out she was pregnant six weeks into their relationship, when they hadn’t even yet exchanged ‘I love you’. Shocked, Sophie considered terminating the pregnancy – ‘but I couldn’t get to that headspace,’ she writes. ‘As my tummy grew, so did the love that Richard and I felt for each other.’ Then, nine months after Sonny was born, Richard proposed to her – though she blurted out ‘Yes!’ before he’d even asked the question.

When I bring up this high romance, she becomes a bit awkward. The chapter on Richard was the hardest to write, she admits. ‘I’m not very good at that kind of thing. But I was much better at writing it down than I am at talking about it.’ She knows he liked it, but he didn’t say much, which she seems relieved about. ‘He’s much more likely to be romantic than I am, so he probably didn’t want to embarrass me.’

Whether or not she can say it out loud, her book suggests they are very well suited and deeply devoted to each other – but that’s not to say they haven’t been through some tough times. During Sophie’s pregnancy with Sonny, and even while she was still in hospital after his birth, she was trying to untangle her finances from those of her ex. Despite being given her home studio equipment and a brand-new car in the split, he felt he was entitled to more. Her pregnancy was also mysteriously leaked to the press, leading her to worry about who she could trust with personal information; it later emerged that her phone, as well as her mother’s and Richard’s, had been hacked.

Then at 28 weeks pregnant she was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia, a condition which causes high blood pressure and meant that Sonny needed to be delivered by caesarean two months early. Sonny stayed in hospital for six weeks, with Sophie and Richard visiting twice a day. But it’s what happened a couple of months after he returned home, when the new family had settled into a happy routine, that makes for the most alarming reading. Sophie woke to find that Sonny had slept through his usual feeding time, and had a temperature of over 41C. He had meningitis.

Thankfully, the doctors were able to treat him quickly and his temperature was back under control later that day – ‘but I think the jolt of fear and adrenaline took a while to process,’ writes Sophie. ‘For years after I would freak out if any of the kids had a high fever.’

She’s typically philosophical now when she reflects on the stress of that period. ‘The main thing was, we didn’t know any different, and I’m quite an optimistic person anyway so I didn’t go through it all in a state of panic,’ she tells me. ‘It’s more that I look back and think of it as quite an intense period of our lives. Richard and I deal with quite a lot all the time and I think that was what forged our ability to cope – because there was not any let-up.’

Perhaps it also primed them to cope with the wobble in their marriage that was to come nine years later – during Sophie’s 2013 stint on Strictly Come Dancing, in which she was a finalist. She doesn’t mince her words about this experience in the book: ‘It was the best of times, it was the worst of times,’ she writes.

Her opinion of the show is based on that series, so it’s hard to know whether it would resonate with more recent participants – but I suspect much of it would. She believes pastoral care is lacking, and that there should be a counsellor on board to make sure everyone’s coping. ‘Everybody’s dealing with really big, real-life things, and it takes over probably like nothing else you’ve ever done,’ she says. ‘So much of it is ridiculously wonderful – the sets, the lighting, the music, the costumes, the make-up. I just think if there was a bit more emotional support for the people in the midst of it, it would at least be a nod to the fact that they’re thinking about it.’

She points out how demanding the schedule is, with rehearsals or recording six days a week for up to 13 weeks. The professional dancers, she believes, shoulder more strain than they should: ‘I think I was very unusual in that I never cried in front of Brendan [Cole, her dance partner]. But they’re like counsellors as well. I heard stories about previous contestants. You know, imagine the confessional at the hairdressers, and then pretend you’re doing a paso doble with your hairdresser.’

Richard (who gave his blessing for her to write about this) struggled with her involvement in the show. ‘At the TV studio everything was adrenaline-fuelled and exciting but at home things were strained and I was finding it hard to give Richard the reassurance and support he needed,’ she writes. It took a while after the show finished for their marriage to recover.

She also found the judges’ emphasis on sexual chemistry deeply uncomfortable. ‘When we did the Argentine tango, all the comments were about whether it came across as a man having an affair with his other woman, because that’s apparently what that dance is about,’ she says, still a little incredulous. ‘And I’m like, “I’m not sure I want an extra couple of points for looking like I’m having an affair, because my grandpa’s watching, and my husband’s in the audience.”’

Did she expect Strictly to have an impact on her marriage? ‘God no! I had no bloody idea. I’d never seen it.’ Though she doesn’t name names, it’s well documented that two celebrities’ marriages ended during that series. ‘That’s not a small-fry thing,’ she says. ‘If I go on tour and there’s 15 of us in a crew bus, I don’t have two of them leave their partners at the end of the tour.’

Speaking of tours, her next one as a headliner – the Kitchen Disco Tour – has been pushed back to March next year. In the meantime, she’s promoting the appropriately titled Spinning Plates in between recording episodes of her podcast of the same name, performing at festivals, gearing up to support Steps on tour, and dealing with her toddler’s nocturnal wanderings (the week I meet Sophie, she and Mickey had spent a night sleeping on the floor outside her bedroom). She likes to be busy, but is glad the book allowed her a moment to stop and think.

‘My 40s are a good time to reflect on where I’m at,’ she says. ‘I’m clear in my mind about what I want, but also a lot more open, and more aware of where I’ve been in the past. For me the book is all part of taking stock, and thinking actually, I’m quite a happy person.’ She does seem happy – and refreshingly unapologetic, too.

Photos: Laura Lewis

#you magazine #photos #sophie ellis bextor #spinning plates

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100percentjazzedtomeetyou · 6 years

Text

THIS IS SO LONG I’M SORRY

*There are many spoilers in here for Pitch Perfect 3 ok*

Here's some thoughts from me fresh out the cinema that I'll probably feel were too emotional and incorrect after a while as I always do, but here we go...

***Warning, this got really long! ALSO A THOUSAND SPOILERS***

Let’s start this off by saying that it wasn’t a bad film. Not at all. Was it amazing, maybe not, but I had fun watching it and i’ll see it again, and i’ll buy the dvd and i’ll continue to listen to the soundtrack and love everyone who was in it, because they’re beautiful, wonderful people who were amazing in it and fought really hard to get the movie how it is.

First of all it didn’t really feel like a finale, especially one that was supposed to be about them being a family, (YES I KNOW THEY SAID THEY WERE A FAMILY AND OTHER PEOPLE SAID THEY WERE A FAMILY LIKE 20 TIMES, but they didn’t show it like they really did in the past two films in my opinion) like they had like 2 and a half scenes where they actually all spoke to each other and about life. There were really sweet interactions by people we don’t usually get the see interact, and i’m glad they carried on the beca/amy friendship, because that was lovely to see in the second one, but like, and i know i’m a bechloe shipper so i’m biased here, but beca and chloe didn’t really interact at all, neither did chloe and aubrey (DID CHLOE AND AUBREY ACTUALLY SPEAK TO EACH OTHER???i can’t even remember) and so much of the other films had a lot in about their friendship, the second one especially, and now i’m thinking back to this one and wondering if they even had a one to one conversation other than the boob grab (which was shorter than the trailer one ugh) and Beca calling her ‘sweetie’ in their apartment, which came off 98% less sarcastic than when she calls theo ‘honey’ later on which i loved.

The editing felt kinda heavy handed to me, like they had to put in all these silly effects around chloe and chicago stuff to make it overly obvious to us that she liked him. And cut to him and theo so so often i actually started rolling my eyes at it, because it made it look like chloe and chicago had been dating for years when at that point they didn’t even know anything about each other. Like, i’m not one to say no to watching chloe be all bashful and bite her lip and play with her hair, but it seems like exactly what Kendrick said she didn’t let them put in for Beca, the tripping over her feet kinda crushing, was put on chloe instead. And chloe is the confident, sexual, ‘i get what i want’ kinda girl who literally barged into someone’s shower because she liked the way they sang. This chloe didn’t make sense to me. She doesn’t even know anything about the guy other than his name and she’s talking about commitment. (Like okay, that scene was funny and Brittany was amazing in it and, like i said i love a flustered chloe because she’s adorable and it was like all the fics where she acts like that around beca, but it felt really strange in this position) Chicago just showed up, said a few things that didn’t really matter and we were supposed to be all the way in for their relationship. Like, a relationship storyline wasn’t necessary at all. It was actually more distracting than anything else, i’d rather have no relationships at all. The bellas and their friendship is all we need.

I felt like you could tell more than one person wrote the script and you can tell it was changed a lot. The lack of chemistry i felt was between chloe and chicago was actually funny and maybe that’s why they made chloe be extra lusty, ditsy, flirty and add those slow motion and sound effects......... And interestingly to me or hilariously so, in a sad way, chloe and Chicago and beca and theo are filmed/edited so similarly, other than the weird slow mo chloe stuff, yet one is absolutely not gonna happen and one does and it's so heavy handed and they're so similar that neither of them really work. (That credits scene felt stupid to me, the only reason it was okay was that we didn’t get to really gauge beca’s reaction to it, but it wasn’t overly positive i don’t think) I also hated that beca and theo still came across all flirty, because it was similar to how she was with jesse, but at least they didnt happen. I am so glad Kendrick fought so hard for it, because I actually don’t think I would sit through the film again if they had. I’d just download my favourite scenes and make a whole other movie out of it for myself to enjoy. HEY THAT’S WHAT FANFIC IS FOR.

On to bechloe for a bit i guess,

The thing with bechloe was that it was always just fun for me, they’re fun movies and an amazing cast that I loved for shipping the characters as well as us, understanding the importance and never making fun of us (and they still don’t, see brittany’s build interview for recent stuff and kendrick all the damn time). We had (and still have OF COURSE) our own little community and we didn't really have to think about what it would mean to us for it to be canon because we never ever thought it would be! I never ever imagined it could be canon until they started really leaning into it. And when the ads started well that was just too much.

It just became a marketing ploy for a movie where the couple barely speak to each other. The film wasn't even really about the bellas, not really.

I don't know. Maybe I would have enjoyed it so much more and not picked up on all the stuff i’m saying if I didn't feel like I'd been played the whole time leading up to it. Even yesterday with the ads saying 'will bechloe ever happen'.... No wonder the ads are full of clips from the old movies, because they don't really interact in this one at all. It was the type a example of queerbaiting and i really hate them for that.

I'm sure I'll watch it again and have different thoughts and again, it wasn't not enjoyable, I just felt like the baiting without any intention for them to at least be sweet to each other throughout the film and talk to each other was extra extra wrong, and actually having a canon love interest for chloe all the while doing this..... it’s really not okay. And there must have been a hell of a lot cut for the way the cast was talking and why did they have to stay in the giant water tank for two days when there was literally ten seconds of them in the water I don't understand.

Anyway, I was there for the bellas and I don't feel like I got them. It was funny yes, it really was and i smiled throughout most of it. The baiting just dampened it a lot for me.

NOW LET ME BE MORE POSITIVE - here’s some things i liked:

- AMY WAS BADASS, really, i’ll watch a bellas action movie anytime - there was more aubrey and she was funny and cute - background jessica and ashley was adorable and some of the actual best hilarious one liners/moments comes from jessica which is amazing - THE MUSIC WAS SO GREAT -OMG THE DANCING WAS INCREDIBLE LIKE HOWWww - little drunk chloe in the bg of aubrey talking about the USO tour was adorable - the fact that chloe gives speeches like those all the time and the bellas roll their eyes at her everytime but you know they all secretly love it - the off hand comment about there having been a sexual encounter between some bellas (by chloe, probably including chloe) ‘one time’ is the stuff dreams (fics) are made of - kendrick looked so good, like extra good - chrissie got to sing more which makes me happy - emily still felt like emily and she GOT A HAMSTER (aca-child is overwhelmed by hamster) - beca telling theo he looks like a turtle - the other performers in the tour were awesome, really awesome - kendrick is super gay in the riff off - cynthia rose got to say the word gay which was cool - there were def some bechloe glances that will make wonderful gifs (not enough tho) - lilly (/ester) got an okay amount of screentime and we got to hear her speak properly finally even if only for a few seconds - the scenes with all the bellas in were actually beautiful and funny and made me feel good - also the stacey baby thing was the most cliche, but adorable and i’ll admit i got a couple of goosebumps at that cliche, sweet, loving naming moment

In conclusion, the film was fun. The bellas were great in it. They kinda forgot about all the other characters other than the men after the riff off which was stupid because they were so much more interesting and charismatic and musicians, which the films are supposed to be focused on... Couldn’t the film have focussed more on the tour and them working and fighting for their place, i get that that’s the plot of the others, but that’s what they do and it wasn’t broke so why try and fix it

I do not want to take away from anyone's performance because they were wonderful. Kendrick was amazing and so sweet and gay and it felt right for beca for the most part, you could see the character development. The rest were not given enough time really. I know most of us were there because we care about these characters and not getting a chance to hear them speak and get to know them a little better because thats what the films have been about so far was sad. It still feels open ended to me. It doesn't feel like it was wrapped up. I don't know anything more about any of them really. I don't know. Again, I didn't hate it, I didn't even dislike it. What I dislike, what I feel really emotional about, is how they exploited us, how hard Kendrick had to fight for bechloe and for beca to be who she should be in this film, something that should be so obvious. And how little time we got to see our bellas be bellas. it had a really different feel to the other films, and i hope that i watch it again and feel differently because i wanted so much to love it and i was so nervous going in.

It all just feels a little strange, maybe that’s just because it’s supposedly the end and it doesn’t feel like it should be at all. I can’t wait to be all over those dvd extras and am hopeful for another Kendrick book where she can tell it all.

THANK YOU to the cast and crew and everyone. This isn’t the end, i’m writing like 3 bechloe fics as we speak and the community of amazing people and artists and writers who make me laugh and cry and grow to love these characters more and more each day will still be here and i am so happy about that. Thank you to rebel and brittany and kendrick for how they’ve spoken about bechloe especially, it really means more than i think they know. AND TO EVERYONE ELSE IN THE CAST I LOVE YOU SM.

I have to stop now, but i may update after i see it again. This is a little in the heat of the moment.

If you’ve made it through my 2000+ words of mess then i thank you and also apologise to you.

bye.

#bechloe #pitch perfect #pitch perfect 3 #pp3 #anna kendrick #brittany snow #rebel wilson #beca mitchell #chloe beale #anna camp #chrissie fit #pitch perfect spoilers #pitch perfect 3 spoilers #spoilers #pp3 spoilers

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