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saranghae-hoe · 1 year

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SILENCE [jujutsu kaisen fanfic]

Pairing: itadori yuuji x fushiguro megumi

Rating:M (depictions of violence, blood, sex, trauma)

Summary: Fushiguro Megumi never had an easy life. There was moment he thought he could turn it all around, but it's too late. Having been stripped of most of his humanity, he is now the perfect bodyguard. Finally free from unending training, he's been assigned his first client: the actor Itadori Yuuji. He had hoped his first assignment would be easier than a hopelessly famous person, but he didn't have the bandwidth to care anymore. Itadori was more than willing to push all his buttons, slowly but surely prying the lid off Fushiguro's emotions that he had carefully bottled over the years.

Itadori Yuuji usually got whatever he wanted, and Fushiguro Megumi the moody, brooding bodyguard definitely wasn't it. He didn't want a stranger prying into his business and he really didn't need to be 'protected'. Unfortunately, his company put their foot down on this one. His life was in danger, or so they claimed. He planned on making the poor guy's life a living hell, in hopes that he'd quit. But Fushiguro had much more brimming beneath his surface than Itadori expected and soon he was looking at the man beside him with different eyes.

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Ch 1 - LOSER

As childish as it may be, Fushiguro Megumi believed in destiny. Not the rosy and romantic kind of destiny that movies chose to focus on, that really was for actual children. Instead, he subscribed to the version of destiny that everyone's life, everything they did until they drew their last breath, was already set in stone from the minute they were born. There is no coincidence, there is no happenstance, there is only your destiny. That job you didn't get, your cat that got hit by a car, all of it came from the cards you were handed. His cards? They showed time and time again that he was destined for a life of misery. He was always going to be like some snot-ridden kid with his nose pressed against the candy store glass, desperate to somehow get inside. Megumi was alone in the world. Whomever gave birth to him had decided he wasn’t worth raising and dumped him at an orphanage. No note, no baby blanket, nothing.

Well, if he knew his kid was going to lead such a shallow and horrible life, he probably would have just pawned them off on someone else too.

The people at the orphanage were nice enough. He didn't have any problems with the staff or other kids, he knew everyone was just trying their best to get by. His issues stemmed from the looks people gave him once they realized he had no parents. On field trips, the workers wore bright shirts, the name of the orphanage scrawled proudly across the front and back. They were heroes to the world, truly selfless people who took care of children that no one else wanted. But the kids that towed behind them? They were pitiful. Megumi saw it in their eyes. Eyes that brimmed with resigned sadness, shame causing them to eventually look away. God forbid one of them should fill out adoption papers. He used to beg the staff not to wear their shirts. Just for one day. He wanted to at least be able to pretend that he had a real mother. Just for one day. He wanted to escape those looks he hated, those eyes that looked down at him, that pity he didn't need.

Like most kids in the orphanage, the more time he spent inside of its walls, the colder his heart and the shorter his temper grew. As he came closer to aging out of the orphanage, Megumi lashed out over and over and over again. His court-appointed therapist said he was just crying for attention. Every time he yelled, hit people, or broke things, he knew he was making a fool of himself. But he couldn’t control himself. He couldn’t control anything.

School was basically hell on earth for someone like him. People only cared about how much money you had, who your parents were, and what designer clothes you wore. As someone who had none of that, he was the target of any bully that had eyes and half a brain cell. Megumi, of course, defended himself. He had the right to do that much, didn't he? No, as it turned out, he did not. Such vulgarity and violence was expected from a kid like him, everyone liked to point the finger at him and blame him for starting a fight. That was rarely the truth, he was just an easy scapegoat for rich kids to cry about to their parents. In the end, Megumi was the one who had to apologize and also the one who got expelled. No one was ever in his corner.

Due to his many expulsions and indiscretions, he was bounced from school to school, classroom to classroom, and, as he neared the end of high school, he had garnered quite the reputation. A kid from one school always knew a kid from another school, and so the rumor mill spat out tales of murder, guns, drugs, and tattoos covering his back. These stories were so hysterically untrue, but he actually didn't mind them. They just meant that most kids avoided even breathing in his direction when they saw him, which suited him just fine.

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It was yet another unfortunate Monday morning at his latest institution of learning when Megumi spotted a group of jockstrap-wearing rich kids stomping their way down the hallway, their four-wide breadth clearly blocking his path. “ Move, move, move… ” he muttered, unsure if he should glare straight-on or avoid eye-contact altogether in order to prevent them from deciding to provoke him. He truly wasn’t in the mood to fight today.

“Ow!” One of the kids shrieked as they made purposeful contact with Megumi’s shoulder, immediately cowering to nurse his arm. “What are you made of, rocks?”

His gaggle of friends cackled wildly. It wasn’t even funny. “No,” Megumi replied curtly, wanting to cut this 'conversation' short.

Another kid made a show of sniffing the air. “Kinda smells like he’s made of dog shit.”

Megumi grit his teeth. Of course he shouldn’t say anything. Of course he should nod and agree that he does indeed smell like dog shit, tell the rich kid what an astute observation he made. Of course Megumi wouldn’t do that. “And how would you know? Spend a lot of time smelling dog shit?”

The group looked scandalized. “What did you just say to me?”

Megumi shrugged. “You seem to know a lot about dog shit, is all I'm saying, you fucking moron." A growing crowd of fight-hungry students gathered around them. He glanced around, trying to find his exit. He really couldn’t afford another physical altercation. Graduation was so close…

“Whatever bitch didn't try to scrape you out of her with a coat hanger is the real moron!” one of the kids screamed, garnering gleeful gasps from the encircling crowd. They were glad they stayed, they were getting quite the show.

Megumi balled his fists. Fuck graduation. “You get one chance to take that back," he hissed from between his teeth.

The kid’s lip curled into a snarl, his eyes mocking. “Bite me, you orphaned piece of shit.”

With an invitation like that on the table, Megumi didn’t hesitate before launching forward, easily tackling the kid to the ground. Everyone in the hallway began yelling and screaming, both in terror and excitement. “You should have thought twice before opening your stupid fucking mouth,” he growled, gnashing his teeth at the boy’s exposed neck. He wanted the taste of blood in his mouth.

Pinned underneath the weight of Megumi’s rage, the trust fund kid howled in fear. “Get off me!” He cast desperate eyes towards his so-called friends, but they were like statues of cowardice. Megumi's teeth latched onto his neck, finally able to draw liquid, he bit down harder and harder.

Before he could reach the kid’s jugular, several pairs of rough hands latched onto his shoulders and started yanking him away. Raw emotions still clouding his brain, he fought against the school security guards’ vice-like grip. “He started it!” Megumi howled, kicking his legs. “He fucking started it!”

No one cared what he had to say. A suit-clad adult quickly swooped in and helped the crying drama queen to his feet before rushing him off to safety, his dim-witted fake friends trotting after. In one last spurt of insanity, Megumi lurched towards their retreating backs. If he could just get his hands on them…

“Someone call the cops!” Someone from the still panicked crowd cried out. Yes, call the cops. Lock him up. Lock him up so he wouldn’t have to deal with these kids who didn’t care and the adults that only pretended to do the bare minimum. Lock him up somewhere far, far away so he could finally just be alone.

Wise to his plan, the security guards maneuvered Megumi's hands behind his back and began shoving him in the opposite direction of his victim. "Everyone return to your classrooms immediately!" a teacher pleaded. No one listened. They were busy waiting to see what Megumi would do next, but the show was over. His anger cooled considerably now that the rich kids were out of his sight. Now, he could only think about the consequences he was about to face. The security guards led him like a prisoner to the principal's office, shoving him down into the chair across from her desk once they arrived.

"Thank you, gentlemen. You can wait outside," the principal said.

The guards looked at each other. "But ma'am…" they began, but the principal held up her hand and made a shooing motion.

Megumi slid down in the chair so that he was basically out of the woman's sight. He had been in contact with her several times already and he didn't like her. He felt like she could see right through him.

Leading with a heavy sigh, the woman leaned over her desk so she could meet Megumi's eyes. "Fushiguro Megumi, we meet again." He grunted something unintelligible in response. "Don't you think it's high time you found a more productive outlet?" It wasn't the first time someone had said those words to him. The people who tried to have heart to hearts with him always meant well. He just couldn't stand the pity in their eyes while they said it.

“It probably is,” Megumi responded with sarcasm.

The woman, whose name he couldn’t honestly remember, looked at him with a warm sternness. The look, he supposed, a mother or father would give their unruly child. “This is your third high school just this year, Fushiguro. You're not going to be able to graduate."

He nodded. That...was not what he wanted. He wanted to graduate. “I know.”

“You’re going to be 20 in a month," she said, forcing him to look at the calendar. December 22nd. The day the orphanage decided it was his birthday. “You won’t be protected by the law anymore.” The woman’s face held genuine concern as she said, “I’m serious.” Megumi stirred, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as the weight of her worries settled on his shoulders. "Where are you going to go now? Not a single high school in the city will take you at this point.”

“I…uh…," he stammered, his skin felt clammy, sweat forming on his back and between his brow.

“You haven’t even thought about it, have you?” The woman’s tone was cutting, but a sense of motherly fondness was behind her words. “You act first, think later. If you keep going like this, you’re going to get into real trouble very soon, Fushiguro. I’m talking about prison. You’re smart. I know you are. Your grades are pretty good despite your behavior. If you acted right, you could achieve a lot.”

It was the first time in his life that someone had ever called him smart.

She stared at him while she closed the book-like file that was his permanent record. “I can sense that I'm the first person to ever talk to you like this, which is disappointing to say the least. I’m sorry that the adults in your life have failed you. You deserved better, and you deserved it sooner.”

Megumi's brain shut down. He wasn't wired to accept this kind of sentiment. He could tell the woman wasn't lying, she meant what she was saying and she was right. He had needed this type of reality check sooner. It was too late now. For the first time in life, no one was yelling at him, no one was hitting him and so, he had no idea what to do. His expression went flat, his mind went blank.

The principal took Megumi's silence for a willingness to listen and kept talking, calmly explaining the changes that he could make and the help that teachers could give him. He tried to listen, but it was like a white noise fizzled in his head, leaving him unable to comprehend a word she was saying. “Can I go now?” He interrupted roughly, his voice sounding strangled.

The principal stopped, her mouth still poised to continue. She shut it quickly and gave him a pitying stare. The kind of look he hated the most. It only made his sickly feeling grow stronger. “You’re free to go.”

“Thanks.” Megumi grabbed his stuff, tripping over himself in his hurry to leave the office. He couldn’t breathe. The school and all the people inside of it were suffocating him, placing their expectations and pretenses on him. He felt claustrophobic, the walls around him were much too close. He had to get outside, had to see the sky. His vision blurring, Megumi sprinted blindly in the direction of the school's exit. He finally burst through the doors, collapsing to his knees on the front steps. He gasped in as much air as his lungs could hold, tears finally falling from his eyes. A scream was forming in the back of his throat but he tried to choke it back. “What the fuck is wrong with me!?” he cried, slamming his hands against his skull.

“Would you like me to list them alphabetically?" A mocking voice cut through his cries and Megumi's head snapped up. He snorted his snot back into his head while a tall, broad-shouldered man watched him from a distance. He was dressed all in black, a hood covering his head and sunglasses hiding his gaze, despite the day being neither cold nor sunny. Megumi immediately felt on edge. The air felt different with this guy standing nearby.

“What did you say to me?" Megumi asked, rising to his feet, though they still wobbled and struggled to support him.

Sharp incisors peeked out of his confident grin. “Relax. No need for the hostility. I'm no one bad." Megumi scowled at him. Seeing that he wasn't going to let his guard down, the man held up his hands as if he were approaching a wild animal and walked closer. "I'm here to offer you a deal. Here’s my business card," he said.

Megumi took the card that the man had extended, scanning it quickly. “Black Cross Protective Services. Times are changing," he read aloud. “What the fuck does that mean?” On the back of the card there was just a name and a phone number. “Gojou Satoru."

“In the flesh."

“Are you...kidnapping me?” he blurted, knowing how dumb that sounded.

The man laughed, “God, no," and then he grew serious. "Listen kid, I’m not here to fuck around. I’m here to offer you a way out.”

Megumi got that wary feeling again. “I don’t need any help.” That wasn't true. He did need help, but he didn't need it from someone like Gojou Satoru.

“Sure," he said, that smarmy, toothy grin making another appearance. "That’s why you just got kicked out of your third high school this year.”

The chill that was growing on his neck traveled down his back. “How do you know that?”

“I know everything there is to know about you," the man said. "Not that there's much to know." He shrugged. “That’s my job. And it could be yours too.”

“What do you mean?”

The man moved in close, staring Megumi down from over the top of his sunglasses. His eyes were a piercing, terrifying ice blue. Megumi instinctively leaned away, his body stiffening as his chills overtook every inch of his skin. “I’m a bodyguard. I protect people and things. I’m here to recruit you," he explained. "We like to nab stupid kids like you, kids with nowhere else to go. You make perfect employees.”

“I’m not stupid," Megumi grumbled, realizing that by saying it, he was only proving the man's point.

“All kids are stupid," Gojou Satoru said blandly. “I’m here to show you how to be smart. Come with me and we’ll train you. We’ll house you. We’ll feed you. We’ll teach you everything you need to know. The pay isn’t bad either, depending on the client.”

Money. That word alone instantly cleared some of Megumi's apprehension. “All I need to do is go with you, protect some people, and I’ll get money?” There had to be a catch somewhere.

The man’s expression didn’t change. “There’s a bit of training involved. But yes.”

“What if I don’t like it? Can I quit?”

Again, the man's face was impassive, but his haunting eyes flashed with something…something Megumi couldn't read. “Quitting is not something people do.”

He shuddered at the man's tone. What did that mean? Megumi looked hard into the man's eyes, desperate to find answers in their glacial depths. But it was like looking into a mirror, only his weak, miserable self was reflected back. He blinked, looking away towards yet another school he could never return to. It wasn't like he had anything to lose. "Can I think about it?”

Gojou Satoru nodded, his air of nonchalance returning. "Of course. If you call me before the week is over, you can still join the new class in time.”

Megumi acted like he had someone to confer with. "All right, I'll get back to you.”

Seeing through him, Gojou Satoru smiled. "All right, then. Try to stay out of trouble."

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