#its finally done! after a While of work and so many triangles

[shoot-the-oneshot]

BEST OF MOTOGP

Marc Marquez x reader x Carlos Sainz love triangle.

Read Part 1 here

3 years ago

With every step towards the garage your heart beat faster and faster, you have been working with the brand for what felt like forever and you finally got it. Redbull social media specifically focused on MotoGP you honesty would’ve been happy with any type of racing but you were ecstatic with your placement.

You don't know why you were nervous everyone has told you again and again how kind Marc was but you’ve had some unsavory experiences with other athletes coming up that didn’t understand or appreciate the new way of technology and in turn you.

You tried to keep your head up walking into the Repsol garage being amazed by the fast past everything was moving at. Being so caught up you jumped when a hand landed on your arm.

“I’m sorry, I’m Marc didn't mean to scare you.” He spoke holding a hand out for you, happily taking it. “Hi I'm Y/n, a part of the media team, its so nice to meet you”

Marcs eyes widened. “A new member of the family! please allow me to show you around.” He lead you all around the paddock introducing you to everyone you passed. Ending back at the Repsol garage he left you to a meeting with your boss wishing you good luck before he sped off to practice.

“He’s really nice right?” You spun to the right at the new voice seeing a slightly older than you blonde woman, who nodded to where you were watching Marc leave.

“Out of all the people I’ve worked with this team is by far the best and most welcoming, I'm Susan by the way while I'm technically in charge as long as you do the job and don't cause havoc we won’t have an issue.” She winked making you drop your shoulders and let out a breath you didn't know you were holding, making her laugh.

“Come on, I’ll show you the best spots for content during the race.”

1 year later (2 years ago)

“I’m really glad you let me come.” Marc spoke almost shyly with a red dusting across his cheeks as he followed your lead down the streets of your hometown. “How could i not, you practically begged.” You teased, smiling as you looked up at him as you stopped walking now there was only a few inches between you both.

“I’d beg just to learn your favorite color if that’s what it took.” He whispered, his fingertips grazing your cheek as he moved a strand of hair out of your face. Marc wishes he remembered the moment he fell for you, when he stopped seeing only the color of your eyes and started seeing his everything in them. But it's times like this he almost doesn’t care when, just that it’s there now.

“It’s red.” You answered breathlessly almost speechless from the was he was gazing at you. Your heart started racing as you noticed how close he’d gotten, his breath fanning across your face. “Tell me to stop.”

“I don't want you to.” Clutching his shirt in your hands to keep him close. Marc laughed lowly brushing his noes against yours, “Then tell me to kiss you.” He had to hear it, he had to know you wanted it as bad as he did before he did anything that couldn't be taken back.

Tired of waiting you pulled on his shirt crashing his lips against yours, Marc got over the shock instantly, pulling you tighter against him, so close you couldn’t tell where you ended and he began . Pulling away only when the need to breathe became overwhelming, even then he didn’t move away far.

“I really wish you would’ve done that sooner.” He smiled against your lips, and reluctantly stepped back remembering you were in public. Not before taking your hand in his. “Where’s that cafe you wanted to show me?” At his words you lit up practically dragging him in your excitement “Oh it’s right around the corner come on!”

During the season you shared many moments like the one shared then, getting closer and closer to each other and after the season you and Marc found yourselves back in your hometown it was just small enough that no one bombarded him plus he had never seen you so relaxed than when you were there. So his pushed to come back during the break.

“Come on champ i thought you were an athlete!” You shouted behind you where Marc was, you wanted to show him one of your favorite hikes it was rough but the view up top was worth it.

“I’m just making sure you don’t fall behind amore.” Marcs words dragged making you look back seeing his eyes locked on your butt, he only smiled being caught making you laugh.

Reaching the top, you shouted in excitement spinning around “we made it! Marc quickly wrapped you in his arms spinning you around kissing all over your face. “Marcy!” You giggled meeting his lips as he set you down.

“Come on we need a picture to remember this great feat.” You cozied up to Marc as you held out your phone being sure to get the view behind you, and capturing Marcs wide grin.

“One last photo together hm?” He said, looking everywhere but at you, sighing you rubbed his arm “It’s hardly the last time we will see each other, I’ll only be gone one season.”

“Practically forever.”

Present

Out of all the things you expected to see once you turned the corner was to see Marc and Carlos in some stand off their respective teams separating the two men. “What’s going on?”

Carlos who was just shaking out of Charles hold looked like a deer caught in headlights. “Nothing”

You looked to Marc knowing he would tell you the truth. But he just walked past you pausing once your shoulders met staring at the wall ahead. “I take it back, don’t pick him.”

Spinning around you grabbed his arm not at all finished with the conversation.

“You always tell me what to do first, not to fall for you now, don't fall for him what do you want!” You exclaimed not able to handle the mixed signals it nearly broke your heart when Marc told you nothing could happen between you two all those years ago because you worked together.

Flashback 1 year and a half ago

You and Marc layed by the pool soaking in the sun, legs tangled together. Smiling as you felt him press small kisses leading to your neck from your shoulder. “Stop” you laughed softly. Pushing him away just making him tighten his hold even more ensuring you couldnt escape. Caressing his face when he pulled away from your neck running your thumb over his cheek bone as he gazed at you.

“What color tie are you going to wear to the gala this year.” You asked out of the blue making his brows furrow and pull away further, making your hand drop. “Probably black why?”

“I wanted to make sure my dress matched.” Being a part of Redbull socials you were invited anyway and thought it would be cute to tie together. But seeing the look he got on his face you were starting to second guess yourself.

“You know no one can know we’re doing this right?” Your world screeched to a stop like a scratched record at his words. “What?” You breathed out. Marc sat up pulling away from you and sighed. “I don't want it to look bad on you if it got out, i care about you and don't want you to get all the hate you’d get for being with me. But we can still dance at the gala.” He spoke cuddling back into you, which you were gad for so he couldn't see your eyes glassing over. “Yeah” your voice cracked “yeah we can.”

(Flahback over)

Marc sighed. “We both knew being just friends would never work.” He grabbed the back of your neck pressing his lips against your forehead. “I’m so sorry for what i said before but i was always yours and i hope you’ll be mine one day.”

With those as his parting words you found yourself alone, needing time for your thought you decided to walk through the paddock to clear your head. Your heart eached seeing Ferrari red everywhere. After Marc shut down any chance of being serious, you begged for a change of scenery landing a place in F1 more specifically Toro Rosso whatever pain you felt Carlos helped you overcome and then you went back to MotoGP and everything got complicated.

“Y/N! Y/n wait!” Your body froze before you could think Carlos stood in front of you the next moment his eyes begging you to hear him out.

“I’m sorry you had to see that, you weren’t supposed to.” He breathed out, hands twitching like he fighting the urge to reach out. “Didnt apologize for doing it” he everted his gaze at your words before straighting up taking a deep breath.

“I know you have feelings for both of us, and i know i can’t do anything about it. But i just want you to remember who broke your heart and who picked up the pieces.” Carlos squeezed your hand that you didn't know he grabbed before turning to walk away,

You sighed falling onto your bed at the hotel, you knew it wouldn’t be smooth sailing with Marc showing up at Carlos race but you didn't expect this much trouble. Carlos was right he did pick up the pieces of your heart after Marc broke it, but part of you wondered what would’ve happened if you didn't run to F1 after that conversation.

During that season Marc didn’t disappear he made his presence known despite the unopened text from him in your phone he still sent flowers to every race and invited you back to Spain for the summer, perhaps he was right. Being just friends would never work

Your inner monologue being cut short by your phone going off, leaning over with a groan your brows furrowed at the text.

Carlos: check your email.

Ignoring the message you open your emails seeing a brand new one from Ferraris head of marketing personal email.

“Hello Y/n, it has come to our attention you were looking at other options outside of your current employer, you have come highly recommended from some of our employees during your time in F1 a few years ago and we would love to add you to our team. Given your close relationship to one of our drivers we think you would make a wonderful addition.

We have reviewed your current contract with Redbull and would like to offer to buy it out and add a 20% raise to your salary plus benefits. No need to interview please get back to us at your soonest convenience.

Scuderia Ferrari, Social media, Marketing team

Practically throwing your phone across the room your breathing picked up. While it was a fantastic offer and one that would definitely keep you and Carlos together it wasn’t what you wanted, wasn’t who you wanted.

Rushing from your bed you pulled open the door to your room and ran through the hallway stopping abruptly as you nearly bumped into Marc a few feet away.

“What’s wrong?” What are you doing out here.” You both spoke simultaneously.

“Ferrari offered to buy me out of my contract.” You rushed out making Marc roll his eyes and chuckle humorlessly. “So that’s what he meant.”

“You, you knew?” You stammered over your words. “That’s what he told me earlier” you’ve never seen Marc so withheld before, at least not with you.

“And you didn't tell me!” You exclaimed, Marc sighed running his hand over his face. “If it’s what you wanted i didn’t want to stop you. Would it kill me, yes, but all i want is for you to be happy even without me.”

“How good is the contract?” He asked before you could say anything, keeping a good few feet between you.

“Really good.” His face hardened at your words nodding his head he made a move to turn away before you stopped him.

“But not good enough to leave you.”

Marc spun back around so fast though thought he would’ve broken something making you giggle. “Really?” He asked needing to be sure it wanted to his imagination. “Ever since that kiss you’re all i wanted.” You whispered being afraid any louder tone would break the spell.

Marc quickly erased the distance between you and wrapped you in his arms nuzzling his nose against yours.

“Tell me you’re mine.” He smiled against your lips reminding you of the first time.

“I’m yours, i pick you.”

That next break you found yourself back sun bathing with Marc at your home in Spain, the sun shining off his wedding ring from its place on your thigh. Your husband sending daggers at stitch who was lounging in your arms.

“I never thought id be jealous of a dog.” He grumbled laying his head back down on your chest when you giggled. “Aw poor baby.” Rubbing your hand through his hair, feeling him smile against your skin. While it was a rollercoaster getting there you wouldn’t change the life you had for anything.

Woah what a ride i hope you guys liked it let me know in the comments Carlos’s part will be out soon check out part one and Carlos part here

Best of both worlds prt1

Best of MotoGP Marcs ending

Best of F1 Carlos ending coming soon

check out my master list for more

Tag list @starxqt @motylekrozi @yeolsbubbles @laura-naruto-fan1998 @mooone90 @damianodavidhands @zig-zzag @its-astrotea-love @peakywitch @obsessed-fan-alert @lenniebordeaux @marelovesf1 @capela-miranda @enjoymyloves @amsofftrack @coffeehurricanes @speedysimp @jasondeservedbetter @chilwell-mount @buendiabebeta @dan3avacado @valkyrie418 @ricsaigaslec @idkiwantchocolate @mydutchproblem @thercher @blckgrl-sunflower @xjval @downinroma @pleasantducktimetravel @princessria127 @caidi-paris @mehrmonga

#formula 1 imagine #f1 imagine #f1 x reader #carlos sainz imagine #carlos sainz x reader #marc marquez imagine #marc marquez x reader x carlos sainz #marc marquez x reader #motogp imagine #motogp x reader

[supercantaloupe]

The Rent Post™

aka, a lengthy screed on how rent the musical goes about adapting la boheme, where it fails, and what can be done about it

so i’m admittedly a reformed Theater Kid™. and tbh i still very much am a Theater Person, even a Musical Theater Person, i’m just in my 20s now and my taste has shifted away from what’s mainstream on broadway right now and closer to the world of opera. but there absolutely was a time in my early teens when i was Really Into Rent, as many Theater Kids™ were…and there was also a time in my later teens when i thought about it and realized that rent was not only just not my thing, but that there were some significant Problems with it, as its own work and as an adaptation. now, having finally seen boheme for myself, i feel like i’m really in a place to piece together how the two works compare to one another, and why/how i think rent falls short of success (as a piece of theater anyway. obviously rent is not lacking in commercial and popular audience success, for better or worse).

i knew years ago that rent is a direct adaptation of la boheme, but wow, only after seeing the opera did i come to realize just how closely rent follows boheme: in plot beats, in character names, even borrowing a couple of lyrics and musical motifs here and there. 

but it also changes things from the original opera -- namely, it adds things -- and i think this is the first place where rent runs into trouble. now i am by no means such a purist that i think no work should ever be adapted unchanged (more on this later...what’s the point of adaptation if not to change things to make the work resonate with a new audience anyway?). however, any and every change made to an existing work in adaptation should be thoughtfully made and motivated, because every single change has an effect on the whole product in some way, and many small changes can add up to create a rather different final product than a creator might realize. 

(and this goes both ways, i think -- both in a work where a more flawed source material is adapted into something new and better, and when a superior original work is adapted into a worse new creation.)

definitely some of the changes made in rent while adapting la boheme are due to the change in medium. opera and musicals are both theater, sure, and more similar in many ways to each other than either is to straight play or film perhaps, but it’s still like a spanish speaker and an italian speaker trying to have a conversation with one another. the languages are similar and there might even be a bit of crossover in mutual intelligibility but they are still ultimately two different languages with different grammars and vocabulary. opera in general tends to have slower pacing than book musicals, fewer plot threads of equal importance. that rent is specifically a musical adaptation of la boheme, rather than a true rock opera, demonstrates this well. the mimi/rodolfo relationship is still front and center (americanized of course as mimi and roger), with marcello and musetta close behind (though expanded in rent as more of a love triangle among mark, maureen, and joanne, the latter being an invented character for the musical who i think embodies the original marcello as much as mark does). but rent adds a lot of stage time and focus to a new couple, collins and angel, who are directly lifted from colline and schaunard, who are essentially secondary comic relief characters, whereas collins/angel are arguably as important plot wise to mimi/roger and mark/maureen/joanne. 

(and i’m not gonna get into the level of #problematic there is to the depiction of maureen as an overly promiscuous bisexual or discuss why colline and schaunard can’t have been a gay couple the whole time or whatever because. wow i do not care. there are more important things to complain about here c’mon)

first big addition to rent that wasn’t original to boheme is that increased stage presence/focus for collins and angel. it's not inherently a bad addition, and for its time the open depiction of multiple queer romances onstage was still kind of groundbreaking. and yes, rent having a longer runtime than boheme should give it the opportunity to flesh this relationship out more as well as the other two to make sure they all have an equal chance to develop and end in a satisfying way. hell, they don’t even all have to be equal in stage presence/focus/importance to be a positive addition to the show (and how can it be when angel dies halfway through act ii? then again, the character dying doesn’t exactly mean the relationship loses its importance in the plot…) but despite the extra runtime and faster storytelling pace, rent doesn’t actually develop angel and collins all that much, especially not before angel dies. this isn’t an issue with colline and schaunard, of course, cause it’s obvious they’re not important characters in boheme. but collins and angel are arguably more important in rent than even mark/maureen/joanne. and angel dies halfway through act ii…meanwhile, mimi survives the end of rent, when she very pointedly does not in boheme.

and…oh, mimi. she is probably the biggest and most problematic adaptational change in rent as compared to la boheme. on the surface she (and roger/rodolfo) seems the least changed of all the opera’s characters, her name not even undergoing the same americanization treatment as the others. but there are just so many small details that add up and up until she’s a fundamentally different character in rent. i don’t even begrudge the change in occupation: her becoming a stripper/exotic dancer/possible sex worker(?) rather than a seamstress does bring with it some cultural baggage, but i am not personally interested in reading any morality into her choice of occupation, and i choose not to read her line of work as having any implications for her “innocence” or moral value as a character. nor will i read her addiction or disease as being moral qualities either. however: there is a big difference between tuberculosis in the 1840s and both AIDS and drug addiction in the 1980s. neither boheme’s mimi nor rent’s are morally responsible for their illnesses. but there is absolutely nothing mimi could do about her tuberculosis in boheme except die, because it was france in the 1840s and nobody knew what an antibiotic was. in new york in 1989, there were rehab clinics and there were medications for HIV. these things were expensive and hard to access, yes, but rent really goes out of its way to show us that mimi had the resources to access these things -- she is able to afford AZT in act i on her own (and the fact that she’s on AZT is used as shorthand for her HIV+ status, as opposed to other characters about whom we are told outright)...

… and her relationship with benny (the much-expanded counterpart to boheme’s benoit the landlord character) in act ii, who verbally offers to pay for her admittance to a rehab program.

yet the next time we see or hear anything of her, her loving mother is calling to ask where she is as she’s presumably gone missing…

…and then discover she has been living on the street, dying from exposure/disease/addiction. 

did she do this willingly? did benny refuse to continue supporting her? we don’t really get an answer to any of this; rent isn’t really concerned with why mimi is in the position she’s in, but is rather entirely preoccupied with staying true to boheme -- up until mimi’s death, anyway. because mimi doesn’t die in rent, she is saved, and says that angel told her to keep on living (as though it were a choice). why? we can only speculate. really, if any character embodies the same “dying tragically in a world too cruel for them to survive” theme as mimi in boheme does, it’s angel. and her death is honestly used as a tool throughout the rest of the show: a purpose for kindness, community, life.

is this a bad “bury your gays” kind of thing? i don’t really know, i’m inclined to believe not. but i do think angel’s death is more thematically akin to mimi’s death in boheme than the actual (near-)death of mimi in rent. 

and this is the biggest difference between rent and boheme: boheme is not about hope. boheme is a tragic romance about how important relationships are among people in disadvantaged communities/situations, but it does not say that love will transcend or materially improve those conditions. rent, by contrast, does. rent suggests that the love of partners and community (even if filled with complications and tensions) is lifesaving. 

(and i know rent’s stated thesis is “no day but today,” i.e. live and enjoy every day as though it could be your last, but i think thematically all the characters and their interactions overall suggest a theme of community just as if not more strongly, whereas “no day but today” is more limited to the HIV+ characters and has little to do with the mark/maureen/joanne subplot. mimi's outlook on "no day but today" changes when she chooses to stay alive on the urging of angel from the other side.) 

now i don’t think this is altogether a bad moral to have in your theater piece. especially in one of the first major pieces of theater centered on marginalized queer characters. i will not deny how important and cathartic it can be, both now and especially thirty years ago when rent premiered, to end on a hopeful note rather than a tragic one. but i have a couple of issues with how rent goes about making this its central theme. for one thing, mimi has frankly too many Things affecting her health in the end for her survival to be realistic, and absolutely nothing up to this point in the show has suggested a setting of magical realism or pseudofantasy; everything has been as grounded in real life as possible, until finale b, when mimi suddenly and near-inexplicably survives. it feels like it comes out of nowhere tonally and thus isn’t very satisfying an ending when put to scrutiny. for another, angel has already died, and angel is, compared to mimi, a much more beloved and uncomplicatedly positive force in their community and relationships. angel’s entire stage presence (while she’s alive and when her character is invoked or referenced after her death) is a positive one: caring for collins when he’s injured, providing food and funds to the group, placating arguments, etc.

and the fact that angel has no concerned parents leaving her voicemails, unlike mark, roger, and mimi, underscores that she has no one else to lean on for support except her community of bohemians. and we’re not given a reason to believe one way or the other about her home life or financial stability outside of today 4 u when she got a sudden windfall for killing a dog (whatever; schaunard did the same thing to the parrot in boheme). in contrast to mimi, roger, and especially mark, who are clearly shown to have family who care about them and want to support them, yet they choose to live in romanticized poverty anyway. mark even gets a good job in filming and still finds a way to complain about it.

really, except for angel (and arguably collins, too), it’s difficult to totally sympathize with the characters in rent and care fully about their plight because they’re just…not depicted as particularly likable people. maureen is an unfaithful and kind of manipulative partner, and her approach to “protest” is really just bad self-absorbed performance art. roger just kind of sucks at songwriting (how is your eyes the song that he’s spent the whole show writing? it’s the worst number in the musical lol), and he’s quick to anger…his decision to leave mimi makes even less sense here than rodolfo’s decision to leave her in boheme, where at least he did so out of genuine concern for her health (also why does he leave mark? rodolfo embraces marcello as a friend still after mimi leaves in boheme...act iii of boheme is the least closely adapted in rent by far.). wheras in rent roger seems to be both genuinely jealous of mimi interacting with other men and upset by her continued drug use. although this last one i don’t begrudge him for, since it’s made clear he’s a recovering addict himself…although it does make mimi’s relationship with him all the worse, considering that mimi’s take on the whole “no day but today” theme is to throw caution to the wind with her actions and not worry about the future at all, and her interacting with roger is directly tempting him back into addiction which he clearly does not want. (and roger’s rejection of her in another day is framed as him being in the wrong with mimi being backed up by the life support chorus…)

while mimi as we’ve seen is reckless and throws her life away even when people try to help her (very very different from boheme’s mimi, who makes no particularly reckless choices, and accepts help when it's offered). and mark is entitled and uses his film as an excuse to disengage with the real world, even exploit it (see: the way he films the life support meeting without permission, or the homeless woman, which is never really confronted elsewhere in the show…)

the inclusion of a homelessness subplot in rent is particularly strange to me. it shows up a lot, especially in act i: the threat of homelessness for the main characters should they not pay their rent or come to some kind of agreement with their landlord; the vague future threat of benny’s “cyberarts studio” getting built which is implied would evict those living in tents on the lot; mimi being found living on the street in the finale; and the chorus/ensemble who show up periodically, as above. homelessness is an ever present element of set dressing/conflict in rent but it’s never really addressed, no points are ever made about it, which is in my opinion kind of wild and very unsatisfying. the above scene especially, considering how direct of a callout it is towards the show’s own characters and writing, yet it is never addressed afterwards, and this conflict is never really resolved. 

one could take similar issue with the choice to swap tuberculosis in boheme with AIDS in rent. though in my opinion i think addiction is as much as if not more rent’s analogue to boheme’s TB, since that is a much more acutely seen disease for mimi and only mimi while there are multiple characters (main and chorus) living with HIV…then again, angel is the character who gets the real tragic death analogous to mimi’s in boheme, and angel dies of complications from AIDS, so i suppose it’s open to debate. regardless, there’s a significant contextual difference between TB in the 1840s and HIV and addiction in the 1980s: there was no system, political, social, or medical, that could truly heal someone of tuberculosis in boheme’s setting. but there very much was a medical and social system in place to help people with HIV and addiction in the 1980s; systems which were aggressively denied to those who were suffering by the political system. and for as much as the characters in rent like to sing about revolution, protest, and activism, not a single one actually challenges the powers that be or call out by name those responsible for the systematic denial of healthcare to the marginalized. activism and artistic revolution is hollow and meaningless in rent, they never name a real enemy, just a vague sense of “the man.” but it’s a story set in a real and still recent historical time period, the effects of which we still deal with today (and i’m sure even more acutely so back in 1996); it just feels disrespectful to me to use those crises as such important set dressing for your musical which positions itself as a “fuck the man” revolutionary kind of piece of theater and yet do or say absolutely nothing about the real world issues it is appropriating. for more information i highly recommend checking out lindsay ellis’ video on the topic. 

so is all this to say i think rent is an irredeemable, fundamentally broken work? actually, no; i think it has a decent foundation and some solid music. i understand the reasoning behind and appeal of updating an old work to a new time period/setting for a new audience, and i think trading 1840s paris for 1980s nyc is an interesting and workable substitution. but when i look at rent as it is now, i just do not see a finished product. 

and i think this is the most frustrating and disappointing thing about rent to me: rent is, quite literally, an unfinished show. its composer and librettist, jonathan larson, died suddenly the day of its first preview performance. and for so many developing (off-)broadway shows, previews are when the actual finished product is crafted, as the show is revised based on audience reactions. of course audience and critical reception to rent from the very beginning was positive, but i can’t help but speculate how much of that is influenced by the mere fact of its creator’s untimely death. and i wonder what changes larson would have made to his show if he had lived, and been able to hear the audience’s reactions, and revise the show accordingly. i wonder if he would have thought it worked. i wonder if he would have seen the same cracks that i see in it. i don’t think rent is inherently unsalvageable, but it is so far unsalvaged. 

and frankly i don’t know that it ever will be salvaged; not for many years, at least. not until copyright and licensing in musical theater changes, and not until broadway audiences get more comfortable with the idea of altering beloved and familiar classics (the 2019 revival of oklahoma! was, in my opinion, a work of genius, but i’m well aware my opinion is not universal, and especially during its national tour the show’s entire concept has been extremely controversial). do to rent what bartlett sher and aaron sorkin are doing to camelot right now: keep the heart and soul of the piece intact, but rewrite what doesn’t work. or do something even more drastic, cut subplots and change character traits, i don’t know. maybe mimi should die; maybe it really is important that she survive! maybe rent shouldn’t have been based on boheme at all; hell, what would rent look like if it was based on la traviata instead? (well the answer to this one is “a different show entirely,” most likely, but if you want to write a poignant and tragic love story based on a romantic opera and set in 1980s nyc featuring queer and/or HIV+ characters, well…it could work and i’ll leave it there.) maybe that’s going too far, i don’t know, but the point is, i want to see directors and writers have the freedom to try that stuff out. because i don’t think rent is unsalvageable; i think it’s unfinished. 

but rent is far too popular and beloved for anyone to dare touch its libretto with new ink. the memory of jonathan larson is held far too preciously for anyone to allow such debasement of his work. when searching online for libretti to reference when writing this essay, i found one transcribed script with this at its heading:

and i think that about sums it up for me. “may he be friggen worshiped!” him and all his creations, holy and untouchable.  it’d be tantamount to theater sacrilege at this point to try and change it. how dare you sully larson’s good name by thinking you could “fix” his masterpiece…the masterpiece no one wants to admit he never got to actually finish. well, i don’t know, maybe it’s me being jewish and sentimental here, but if i have enough respect for a piece of work i want to be able to engage with it and question it and interpret it as i think it best ought to be. (jonathan larson was also jewish. would he agree with me? i don’t know. but i think he’d want to see the best of his work, just like i do.) live theater is inherently participatory and dialectical. and it ought to be alive, not carved into stone. neither immovable nor under threat of utter annihilation should someone come too close with a chisel. rent has potential. la boheme is still as affecting today as it was a hundred thirty years ago (did you know rent premiered almost exactly a hundred years after la boheme?). rent could be the same. and it does have emotionality behind it as it is now, credit where credit’s due. but it could be more than just that. if we could just let someone finish the thing already, even if larson himself couldn’t.

#sasha reviews #rent #<- afraid of putting this in the tag. rent fans please be cool. just scroll past this if you don't wanna see me being critical ;; #la boheme #this took so long to write. please enjoy #tldr; rent isn't irredeemable or unworkable but it is unfinished #i think it ought to either just let itself be closer to boheme (the 'keep it simple stupid' approach) #or let itself stray from that source material more and give each of its subplots the full attention it deserves (and needs) #(and maybe cut one or two of them...) #and be more of its own thing already #i don't know. who knows what would work best? no one does. cause no one's tried it yet. that's the bottom line i guess

[mysticstarlightduck]

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

Thank you so much for the tag, @clairelsonao3!

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers?

Hmmm. I think my advice, if any, would be this:

Don't get too caught up on what others tell you to write, or what you "should be writing because its popular". Write what you want to write, write the story that ultimately makes you so excited about writing it that you can't imagine getting bored, writing something you love. Because, even if it doesn't seem mindboggling original at first, or if it feels just too weird, or if you feel like no one will read it, loving what you write is the first step to writing any good book, no matter the genre, and when it comes down to it, having fun is one of the most important things a writer should strive for, for you own happiness. And if you do have fun while writing your book, your readers will feel it, and if they are your target audience, they will love it too.

No writing is bad writing in the first draft. Those first few iterations of your story aren't meant to be perfect, they aren't even meant to be extremely cohesive - they're meant to make your story finally exist outside of your mind. It's meant for you and you alone, as the writer of the book - your first draft is yours, and you can make as many mistakes as you need to in order to improve it! If you get too caught up on being perfect on something you still need to practice, you won't be able to write anything. Needing practice isn't a bad thing - it just means you have still a long road of interesting things to learn, and that every single word you write down on that formerly blank page will be another step on the ladder to achieving the writing your dream of making. Don't beat yourself up if it doesn't come out perfectly in your first, second, third, or even tenth time - those "imperfect drafts" are each improving your own writing skill in one way or another, and one day, you'll look at your writing and see how far you've come after finally pushing through all that self-doubt.

TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!! I mean it. A healthy mind is a MILLION times more creative than a tired and stressed-out mind. Find the sleep schedule that works for you. Eat healthy things according to your personal dietary needs. Go for a walk. Be responsible and proactive when it comes to your scheduled activities, don't procrastinate. Follow a schedule of your own. Get things done. Watch a movie with popcorn and relax. Laugh, smile, have fun. Do the things that make you happy. Talk to your friends. Enjoy some sunlight. Talk to a therapist, if you need to! All those things that make you feel refreshed, happy, and ready to take on more challenges. As someone who battled quite a few physical and mental health problems this past couple of years, I find that self-care is the root of any productive writing session and that I write much better now that I am happy, rested, and healthy than when I was really exhausted, sick and depressed and had to force myself to write. I really, really mean it. Take care of yourself, and practice self-compassion. It may not be easy at first, but you'll see how much it makes sitting down to write much more easy and joyful in the long run <3

42.  How do you feel about love triangles?

I already got that one, here! (:

43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline?

Good question! Especially since I'm constantly dealing with this, as my outlines turn into drafts. My latest experience with characters rebelling against the outline has been Ambrose Prosper - I had a specific, detailed idea of what I wanted his past to be, but then I wrote him, and he started to develop and change until the character was basically like "nope, I do what I want" and I had to revise his whole backstory to fit this new version of his character - but honestly, it was for the best. I like this new version of Ambrose's character and backstory way more than the original one!

What I do in this situation is to let it flow - I realize that, if a character isn't following the strict outline, it's because of specific personality details, intricacies and growth that have happened thus far, and that is good. I tend to then bend the outline for the character. I think "Well, if this character wouldn't do this specific thing, then what would they do in this situation?" and 9 times out of 10, the answer to this question is more original and truthful to the character than the initial outline, and so I go with this new version! I find that being flexible with your characters makes for way more organic and meaningful stories than breaking characters to fit a specific scene just because "it needs to happen" - if a character doesn't work with a scene, I'm always positive that it's the scene that needs rework and change, not the character! (:

#writing #asked and answered! #ask games! (: #writeblr #writers #writerblr #my wips #character writing #writers on tumblr #my characters #my writing #asked and answered

[dorkynerd23]

Honestly, this is something that's been on my mind for a while now almost ever since about episode 3 of the show, but now with the recent episode out, I honestly fear for the show's future and how people could end up viewing it, at least when it comes to its love triangle. So, it seems the show is now definitely hinting at a love triangle (Which is something some fans have hinted at beforehand, but it seems common now) especially after the events of episode 5, and that does worry me when it comes to MD..because I really don't want the show to be ruined by romance and shipping, and I especially don't want shipping to overshadowed the show and the stuff we're supposed to be focusing on.

I've never been a fan of love triangles and it's a trope that has honestly annoyed me and something I've never been a fan of. I'm sure everything will be okay and Liam knows what he's doing, but I'm worried about how it'll be handled and how people may view the show, I mean I remember back when Episode 4 was released, some on Twitter admitted to wanting to leave and stop watching the show because of Nuzi being hinted at and the many scenes with the two or there was just more shipping wars happening which made the fandom more toxic and such a mess.

But anyways, I know it sounds like I'm complaining and worrying too much but as I've said this is an issue I've been fearing for the show and it's future for quite some time now, I'm worried because of how shipping has ruined other shows in the past and dragged them down and can often be frustrating and can take away from the elements from what we should be focusing on or just end up taking over the show completely. There are many examples I can name when it comes to shipping taking over a show like Regular Show, Miraculous Ladybug, Legend Of Korra and TDI, but the main one that's a huge example of this and what most people talk on when it comes to this topic is Star Vs/Star Vs The Forces Of Evil. That show started out so well and good in the beginning and had good elements in it from its characters, and world-building and it just had so much potential and could've even been up there as one of the best cartoons, maybe on the Gravity falls level...but sadly, things took a huge turn sometime after S2 and they really started to drag things down with not only other things that were causing the show to go downhill, but it's shipping especially and it felt like a fanfic. I mean seriously, the shipping wars for Star Vs were the most toxic and brutal l've ever seen for a show and in the end, I don't think anybody was happy. I've even seen Starco fans feel unsatisfied for how their relationship was handled and forced at the end and let's not forget the show had one of the most underwhelming and rushed finales I've seen for a show. To this day, People still shit talk and rant on how horrible the show was handled in the end and how forced it's romance was, it still saddens me for how Star Vs was done because the show did have potential and could've been better!

Now let me just say that I've got nothing against shipping and see no harm in participating in it (Just as long as it isn't problematic)(I'm a shipper myself and have a love and adornment towards shipping, especially when it comes to Oc's + Oc X Canon) and finding investment and wanting to see certain characters together and be something more and I've seen some people state that the love triangle is common in Liam's work and it's not something new, so maybe I'm just missing something, I didn't know much about Liam and what he's done before he did MD.

But overall, I'm just worried and fear that this love triangle between N, V, and Uzi could end up pushing people away from the show and dragging things out and taking away from what we should be focusing on in the series. I mean, some are already losing hope for the show for other reasons and the shipping wars in the Murder Drones fandom are already toxic and out of control, so that doesn't help. I just fear for how this will be handled because most love triangles I've seen in media are handled and done poorly and terribly, and just end up causing unnecessary drama and same goes for other romances I've seen.

Again, this is only MY OPINION and something I wanted to discuss about, this isn't me trying to hate and shit on the show or the crew, I've adored and love Murder Drones since the Pilot and the show has kept me more and more invested and interested with its story and characters and it's honestly a comfort show for me, I truly love MD very much, I'm a huge fan of the show and consider it not only as one of my favorite shows, but also one of my favorite webseries. But I do wanna admit that the show is flawed and isn't perfect and some things can improve in the future, this post was just me wanting to give my thoughts on this situation (I've seen some fans also give their thoughts and concerns for the show when it comes to the romance) and none of you have to agree with me. You can disagree and give your own thoughts and opinions, but please try to be respectful in the comments though and don't be hateful and rude to each other, please. ♥️

#murder drones #liam vickers animation #glitch productions #random post #my thoughts #love triangles #critical thoughts

[nittroy]

In anticipation,, a bit about this blog

You might have seen my art and been wondering wtf is happening in it. Well, tbh sometimes I also have no idea. But most of the time it's my OCs from one of my stories!

This blog is like a larva… It's just been lying there but soon enough it will just stir and become the strange creature: a blog for both serious long posts about my story and some absolute shitposts.

I want to do this post to talk a little bit about the process behind the stories I'm planning to tell: how they were created at first, what are they called, and how I'm gonna try and organize this blog! :D

Below is a long post with me talking about my stories and what I plan to do with them!!

DOZENS OF ASPECTS

"Dozens of Aspects" (or DA) is the main story that I'm currently working on. It's a detective fantasy story set in space!! It's also got lots of fantasy science and cosmic ace lesbians.

The supposed form for it is an illustrated book. The stage I'm at — character designs & script preparation!

It takes place in the year of 3012 in the cosmoopera-like universe, and the main characters are scientists who work with anomalies. One of them, Eli makes a particularly strange acquaintance (well, tbh, they kinda randomly adopt a kid. He is called Kayleigh and he has a secret. A secret anomaly friend...)

That gets them on a trail of a pretty strange series of events…

It's a story about different societies, plants, flowers' memories, red skies, and many other strange things... There's a detective story that has a complicated plot and shows life inside some of the planets in this universe.

Funnily enough, originally it was supposed to be a prequel to the DLG (the next story this post tells about), but the plot grew so complicated this story became its own thing. I've been working on DA for like 4 or 5 years now, but I haven't done much, as a couple of years of work have been taken from me by depression and health complications… Right now I have finally started somewhat digging the vibes again and, hopefully, I'll be able to progress with it soon! :D

Main tag for this story: #da_nt

DOPPELGANGER

"Doppelganger" (or DLG) is the next in line after the DA story, it follows the life of one of the main characters - Kayleigh. In DA they were 12 yo, and DLG tells about their adulthood after the DA events.

Supposed form of the story — maybe a comic? Or also an illustrated book? Idk I need to write DA first. The stage I'm at — idk I just draw OCs from there sometimes :D

(No, the tattoo-ed person is not grown-up Kayleigh, that's Qiyong, she is just very hot so I love to draw them A LOT) The events take place at 3019, Kayleigh, now grown up, goes back to Alta-Costar, one of the cities where DA events took place, to dig up more info. He makes some new friends and meets some older frenemies… And btw also there's a revolution boiling up in Alta-Costar.

While DLG is kinda frozen at the moment, it has the coolest cast of characters and immense vibes, so I still feel like drawing it sometimes... ;w;

Main tag for this story: #dlg_nt

GREAT LIVES

"Great lives" (or GL) is a story (it is frozen for now) that happens in the other corner of the same universe as the other two stories. It's a series of cosmic road-movies following one spaceship captain and her new alien girlfriend. Just fun and gay stuff.

Supposed form - a comic? Also illustrated book? Idk!! I haven't been working on this story for a while but one day I will!!!!

Old art!!!!! Not finished art!!!!! ARRRRRrrrrrr

Fun fact: I've invented GL when I was like 12, and I felt that this story can be REALLY COOL, but I'm not cool enough to tell it yet. So yeah, about 7 years later, I'm still waiting to become cool enough. But the main characters already went from a messy triangle to an nb lesbians polycule, so I think we are getting somewhere-

Main tag for this story: #gl_nt

That's all for now, hopefully, I'll work out the tag system here and will be able to post some lore soon! Other tags I have for now: #my art / #my OCs- for art on acc, as usual #generallore_nt - info for all stories, a bit about their universe maybe #kbnq_nt - Kayleigh, Benji & Niquole, very specific part of DA and DLG + name tags for characters that will appear later!

#ocs #original character #original story #DA_nt #DLG_nt #GL_nt #my art #my OC info #generallore_nt #my OCs #kbnq_nt

[purpledaisiesthings]

I’m sorry but I can’t see Conrad being with Cade after that kiss with Billie. I know the show doesn’t want to tell us before the episode airs so they are being careful with what they reveal but come on now, there’s no scenario in which Conrad decides to be with Cade after being in denial all season long about his feelings for Billie, finally giving into those feelings by kissing her, only to say my bad, I made a mistake, I want to be with Cade. Yeah ok. There was time to not go in for the kiss before he did, so it wasn’t a decision that was made lightly. It’s crazy to me some comments I saw that claim that they were upset that Conrad “cheated”, that it was ooc yet turn around and say that he’s gonna stay with Cade bc that’s who he originally chose. Huh? So they’re not ok with him cheating on Cade but are ok with him doing Billie dirty and staying with Cade although he cheated on her, hmm very interesting.

Crazy how that works for them right?

If it was ooc for Conrad to kiss someone else while being in a relationship, then it most certainly is ooc if he then decides to go back to Cade after saying all that to Billie. In that case, he would have done two women dirty.

Whatever they want to call what he did (cheating or not, ooc or not), Conrad is most certainly not one to go back on his word.

He doesn't act without thinking. That man thought about it and knew exactly what kissing Billie would mean. He's a grown ass man who understands the consequences of his actions. He said one of the best things he could have said to her in that moment and then paused before going in for that kiss.

The funny thing is the kiss wasn't the first time he "stepped out." IMO, he also did in that dance. The way they were dancing without a care in the world, wasn't he also with Cade then. You don't dance that close and intimate with your friend. If he cheated, then he has been emotionally cheating way before that kiss. But I guess they draw the line when the act of kissing is involved 🙄

The thing is, the writing has always been written on the wall for Conrad and Billie. It's soooo obvious they are happening. Just look at the way they've portrayed them so far. It was intentional that they made Conrad and Cade get together off-screen. We didn't get to see how they started their relationship. The season started with them already together, but then that wasn't the end of Conrad's love journey. What was the point of doing a love triangle when he had supposedly chosen someone. There was still something going on with Billie.

Lol its hard to accept things when they don't go your way. I get them. But with shipping, you win some and you lose some. I've been burned so many times that I know when to give up and stop being delusional.

Billie and Conrad are here to stay, and they should start accepting this before its too late.

#anonymous asks #answered #billie x conrad #the resident #the resident fox #ship rants

[slowips]

I saw your post about your planned works for 2023! Ngl I may end up stealing that idea (if it's alright with you). Maybe putting the word out that I'm working on things will give me the motivation to finish HAHA. I'm excited for your Gorou one! o3o

Your answer got the darkest themes was really interesting though! With the push for everything to be like... idk. Moral? A lot of more sensitive topics get pushed to the side bc we don't want to seem like we condone those things even though we find them interesting to explore and write about. It kinda sucks at times. That being said. That first one is one I'd never be able to write. LOL Not because of my personal feelings on the matter, but because I'd be writing it like, "If they just COMMUNICATED, this WOULDN'T have HAPPENED." Miscommunication/lack of communication is my pet peeve. LOL Granted, it's not always that simple, alas, I oversimplify things uwu

((Also the funny thing abt the third one. I actually have a non dark fic abt something similar. For shock factor, something sorta similar ends up happening in the fic, but you find out that the person/reader has been consenting to it for literal years. It's an Albedo fic lol. Idk how I'm gonna post it tho bc I'll probably have to make a cw, but idk how I'm gonna do that while also conveying the message that it's a completely PG story))

I write my stories the same way though. Like I have a general idea of what I want to happen, but I need to write everything chronologically. When I can't write the next part, the story ends up stuck in the shelf for months... Or sometimes I don't know what to write next so I write multiple routes and then everything gets mixed up lol

You're very diligent with getting into character's heads though! I kinda do the same with my research, but I don't have a written psychoanalysis of them. I mentally compare them with my experiences irl with ppl, etc, and then use that to make assumptions. As for voice, when I'm thinking of making them say something, I try to imagine the VA saying it. If I can't hear it, I change the wording. LOL

I'm looking much forward to Kaveh's release though!!! I want to see what he's like away from Alhaitham. Seeing him in Alhaitham's story quest just made me... sad. But take your time playing it! Also no worries on replying to my long replies too! LOL I can only reply when I'm mentally ready which sometimes takes weeks haha... Or like you, after I've done the appropriate research. Like I still need to reply to that ask you sent a while back. Still trying to figure out how to word myself at one part.....

feel free to share with ur your wips! i'm not the first to do it, and i LOVE reading people's wips. something about seeing it grow to its final form... (emotional). can't wait to see what you'll be giving us for 2023, hehe.

i think another reason why writing of such themes is not prevalent is because (1) it's mentally draining to write, (2) it's hard to gauge a stranger's threshold for such things, and most importantly (3) people who write fanfiction are just here to see their favourite characters in scenarios they like—for tooth-rooting fluff or gut-destroyer angst.

but, yeah, it sucks that people assume you support such things just because you write them. personal take is that writing is powerful because, if an author plays their cards right, it makes you think. it's a great way to explore the grey areas of life. can be very dangerous if consumed thoughtlessly though.

i scream at miscommunication when the thing that happens as a result of it doesn't do anything to move or develop a character. just. drama. i believe that's what ruined the love triangle trope for many? correct me if i'm wrong, lol. but as much as i find the trope annoying too, i have my own fair share of miscommunication. (at least it gives me character growth, LOL.)

a rating tag will definitely help. marking it as teens and up or mature with cw is already a warning that the fic heavily deals with the themes, but if it was pg i would assume it's just a brief mention. (can't wait to read it... even if i know about the shock factor so it's not shocking anymore, haha)

LOL the alternate endings... so true. right now my cyno fic has 3 routes. thankfully, i've narrowed it to 1... the problem is the scenes needs to be re-arranged with the scene i've not written being the introductory scene. if that's the case, i might as well rewrite the whole thing, right? (my brain doesn't work normally, help). on the bright side, i can say i wrote a lot this year, lmao.

i like the idea of comparing characters with your personal experiences! i saw you compare kaveh and alhaitham's relationship with your own, and that was so mind-boggling. it gives a unique spin to each character. (adopting your headcanon, sdfds)

thank you for your compliment, though i can't say i've been diligently jotting down notes. i only have cyno's for the longfic i plan to write for him. you gave a nice tip for writing dialogue. will think about it for my next fic except... sometimes i think about their dialogue in chinese-ish sounds, and then i don't really know how to translate it, HAHA.

if kaveh is a 4* star i'll cry because my luck with them is horrible. (i only got gorou last patch. unforgivable.) i hope he gets a hangout. i want to know what he does in his spare time, on his understanding of kindness, etc. you're right we should get more kaveh development outside of alhaitham. so far, he's just been That Character that sells alhaitham.

haha, i prefer thoughtful replies so i don't mind the wait :3c thank YOU for sharing with me your views. it means a lot to me, hehe.

#with love. #q: with thoma. #/ #gorou one gonna be kinda dark if i feel like adding major character death #like you predicted in anon analysis‚ i try to put in effort in replies so it's rather draining. #i think it's perfect u take longer to reply so i can gain energy while waiting LOL

[connorumodeling]

DFX 452 Post 7: Revisiting Window Model (Mar 11, 2024)

Yesterday I was deciding that I should touch up on the window and make it look better so I can properly put it the wall for the final modeled scene. I was focused on working on it, so I didn't get to blog post about how I was tackling remodeling the windows, that I wasn't able to blog post about it till now. Why Remodel the Windows? After taking a look at the windows and receiving feedback I decided to remodel the windows. The windows of the Judgement Hall are very important for many reasons. One of those reasons is that they span the whole hall, on either side, this causes them to need to look good for certain shots in the storyboard. Here is a render of the old window:

Remodeling the Base Frame: Before I remodeled them, I had windows that looked barely connected at the top, and no wire/spider/stained glass frame in the middle. The reference images have the "spider web frame", as I call it, in them so I wanted to try to make that for my windows. It also had more of a bell sort of shape, so I started with the initial frame.

2d Game Reference:

I used reference image planes and scaled/moved/translated parts of a cube, that I extruded, to slowly build the shape of the frame. I then target welded the vertices, at each end, to for the top. It turned out pretty successful.

Remodeled frame:

It got that sort of bell shape that I want and is diffidently an improvement on the old one.

Making the "Spider Web Frame":

Next up was making the, what I would like to call, spider web inner frame. Making this would allow the patter to be shown when rendering it. When I render with lights, the casted shadow would have the pattern in it. I started using a cube and made a part of the pattern, I later duplicated it and rotated, edited it to be another part. I later connected each part and, after taking a render, ended up with this:

This looks great on its own, but needed some scaling, combining into a group, and needed to be added into the initial window frame. different pieces are larger than others so that that way it shows the depth between certain parts of the patter. I could have also extruded out the pattern, but I thought it would be faster to just make it in parts, then group it together. I made sure to align the piece together to make the render seen above. It took some time, but I did finish it. It would need to lose some thickness when put together with the window frame, but I did that after assembling that part of the model.

Assembling the New Window Model:

After getting both parts done, the window frame, and the now grouped together pattern/spider web. I assembled them together. I put the patter in and edited the ending vertices to align with the window frame, while also making it less thick of a model. That took a good chunk of time since my perfectionist brain wanted to keep editing the vertices till they perfectly aligned with the frame. I do need to watch myself with that because I am on a limited time schedule and nothing is perfect so I should just make it look as good as I can, with the time I gave myself, before moving on to the next model for the scene. Here is the render of the assembled window:

The model looks good, but incomplete so I finish it by putting on the window accessory, the iconic, Deltarune!

Final 2d Render:

Conclusion: I had to fix the triangles, and manually readjust the parts of the symbol when I transferred it to the updated model. The took a good amount of time too, but I did do it. I am sure there are a few more things to touch up, and some texture to add, but the updated model looks leagues better than the old one, from last semester. I will have to test how the lighting looks going through the window before the demo reel, but it is mainly done. It looks more like the reference, and way more detailed, than the old model, and the next step is to be able to place it into the wall so that light, from the outside, can shine through, in future renders, instead of me trying to use surface shaders to emulate the light. Next step, with the windows, is figuring out how to put a hole in the wall, shaped like it, so I can fit it, and duplicates, into the wall of my 3d modeled Judgement Hall.

#undertale project #dfx452 #judgement hall

[carica-ficus]

“Fourth Wing”

25/12/2023

Reading progress: 105/498 (21%)

Read through since last update: 105

I'm not going to lie, throughout this last year or so, as "Fourth Wing" reached the height of its popularity, I kept thinking whether or not it would even make sense for me to give it a chance. Sure, I do like a good YA novel, and I am a huge lover of dragons, but I know this book would potentially not be cut out for me. Still, when I noticed my library finally had a copy available, and when I heard my friend actually liked it and thought of it as fun, I decided to give it a chance. I don't expect this to be my favorite book. Far from it. But I do hope it's at least going to be entertaining. So I'm staying positive! I actually do hope I'll like it in the end. And I do hope I'll like the romance part of it!

And so, without further ado, the notes so far: (Spoilers ahead!!!)

I hate when female characters, especially teenage or adolescent ones, are portrayed as if they hate their perfect, curvy body because it's not up to another character's standard. It's such a pet peeve of mine. If you want to have an unattractive or flawed character, at least try to make one. Don't try to sell me a beautiful girl that somehow doesn't understand she's beautiful. We've been over that trope one too many times.

The dialogue is so tacky. I feel like I'm reading a fanfiction made by a 13 y/o.

She's surprised she passed the physical even though her mom mentions she was one of the top applicants?

Wait a second. The riders quadrant is the only sector that takes up only volunteers. But what about Xaden then? And the other rebels?

Chapter 1 is done. It's extremely info-dumpish. Too much is said, as if the author wasn't ready to let go of her first draft and was concerned her bland characters wouldn't keep her reader's attention, so she compensated by revealing too much, which, in my case, didn't work. I started reading this with low expectations, but seems like they weren't low enough...

At least three people have asked her if she's really the General's daughter in the last 5 pages.

Maybe it's because I just read "Gideon the Ninth" and was blown away by how realistic Muir portrayed physical exertion, or if it's my own experience in sport, but I don't vibe with the way Yarros writes about Violet's training and her approach to high stress during some performance (like walking over the parapet). It feels so... Plastic. Unrealistic.

Things are looking up after chapter 2. Even though I feel as if there's still too much happening, it's at least becoming more interesting. But I am yet to find a character I actually find likeable. All of them are so bland...

It gets a little better, then it gets a little worse. That scene with Xaden on the rotunda and Dain trying to protect Violet is so forced. And for what? And now she's running? And for what? Is Xaden really this animalistic to hurt Violet in broad daylight, without being provoked? (Going back to this after continuing with reading and I still don't really understand the point of it?)

I hate how easy this romance is structured. Xaden is the bad guy that secretly probably has the hots for Violet, while Dain is the "good guy" that seems to be the right choice, but is way too overprotective. And Violet is the token beautiful, snarky female protagonist that doesn't comprehend her worth. It's like they were picked straight out of the "generic love triangle mold".

I do wanna read this book. I wanna know what comes next, I'll confess that much. But the balant info-dumping that happens in every chapter... Not to mention the incredibly poor worldbuilding... It sticks out too much for my own liking.

Okay, okay! Now we're talking! That Battle Brief class was actually very well constructed! Much better that what I've seen so far. Now that was a good scene where I got a lot of information in a very interesting and entertaining way!

As for stuff that's been revealed. I like the idea of wards. I like the idea that they're faltering. I like how Violent used her chance to prove she's cunning! Nice nice nice.

Okay, I'm 50/50 on the sexual talk. Sometimes it's fine, sometimes it's so forced. The fact that guys train without their shirts? Idk, weird and yucky in my opinion. I know this is a romance, and I'm no prude, but like... Not liking this choice. Mostly because it's kinda stupid. They don't wear shirts cause they fear someone is gonna grab them by it and use it as their advantage? By that logic, they should be completely naked? (You could say I'm nitpicking, but it's weird. And I'm entitled to my own opinion. 🤷)

The training montage was cool! I really like how brutal Imogen was with Violet. Made the ending so much more effective. And painful. That's going to hurt for a while.

Can Dain just fuck off already?! I know he's worried, but damn. Leave the girl alone! She doesn't know what she's doing, but she's smart enough to push through anyway.

I do love the relationship Mira has with Violet. And I like how they kept that one little memory of Brennan. Yes, it's useful, but it's also obviously comforting, and I love how that feeling was portrayed in the text.

I get you, Violet. I'm not keen on names either. I suck at them. But still, Yarros really doesn't have to keep making a background out of every single character that appears in this book. Violet doesn't know their names because she doesn't have to. Like, come on, just say it's some guy and move on with the dialogue.

I really liked that snarky little remark from Xaden when he says she should go back to bed. 👌

Speaking of which, glad to know the separatists are teaming up and scheming. Because now I'm wondering what they're scheming about. What's the catch here? 🤔 I'm guessing that there's more to the rebellion that meets the eye. In other words, the Naveare ain't as guiltless in the whole thing as they present in Basgiath.

Yoo, Rhiannon and Tara?? Nice. Knew there was something fruity about her.

Oh, stuff is cooking. I like the whole part with Brennan and Naolin, the former rider of the black dragon, though there's something left unsaid here. It's unlikely he wanted to revive Brennan just because he wanted to win a favor with the General. Something else is at hand here. Maybe love? Maybe treason?

Violet really put herself into deep shit by going a little too far with her concoctions. Fighting Xaden next? What an ending to a chapter.

Okay, I'm done for now. Probably gonna continue tomorrow (especially because I got sick and now I'm bedridden :<).

After a very rough beginning, this book started to be really fun and I'm glad I kept reading! It is generic, but at least things are finally starting to fit into place and it seems like Yarros finally grew into her style. (If that makes any sense.)

#reading journal #reading #dnevnik čitanja #dnevnik citanja #dnevnik #journal #fourth wing #rebecca yarros #fantasy #romantasy

[sharksfood]

Harbor the Hammerhead Shark - BLFC 2023 Fursuit Dance Competition

While I'm not entirely happy with my performance this year, I am proud of myself for competing despite everything life threw at me up to this convention.

Before the con, and I'm talking like 2 months prior, i started my second job, which meant i was working 18+ hours twice a week, and i only had 1 day off from any job. I had no time to practice my dance save for in the shower (i come up with most of my choreography this way lmao) each morning and occasionally at my full time job between rushes.

when i wasn't working i was building a fursuit head, at first it was just a refurbishment but i realized the foam sculpt was salvageable. And this was my monkey fursuit, Christian, who I primarily wear and dance in. I had actually started fixing them up in February but had to stop May-August do to me moving house. So that left September and some of October to make an entire fursuit head. This is also my very first time building a fursuit (ive done small refurbishments before).

Working on Christian was extremely tiresome and I could only do it for 4-5 hours Mon-Wed and then all day Sunday, which logically should have been enough time, but it turned out not to be. Having ADHD and being fatigued from work made fursuit work slow and tedious. I was more focused on building the fursuit I would dance in than my actual dance. I figured so long as my fursuit was compete I could wing the dance and everything would be fine.

Anyways, I plan to elaborate more on my fursuit building once I complete Christian's head (ive paused for now), but know this was the major reason why I didn't practice.

Additionally, Harbor is very hard to dance while wearing. Her head is heavy and wide, her tail is heavy and long, and her paws are too big on me, so these things all hinder my movement and expression. It hadn't occurred to me that I could just... not dance in the competition. I felt6 if I dropped out I'd be disappointing myself and those who care about me and wanted to see me dance. Considering I don't like my final performance I shouldn't have danced in the competition (i did dance in the battle after all...) but what's done is done.

Everyone is their own worst critic! Many folks told me I did a great job and it was a unique performance to witness. Unfortunately, my audition was actually much better. I blame that on nerves, being tired from the rest of the con, and getting into my own head. Also, the stage they had us dance on fucking sucked. It was a triangle! We had no space to move around since the huge DJ booth couldnt be moved! I seriously hope this isn't repeated next year (too bad all of the recent BLFC dance comps had something wrong with them).

Brenda Banks said I did a good job at my audition, but she had nothing to say to me after my final performance, which did kill my ego a little. I didn't really want to go back on stage when the judges deliberated since I would just look silly after my dance. I don't mind not placing, but what's the point being up there if I knew there was no chance?

This just goes to show, Harbor is not a competition-wrothy suit, even though the audience liked her. And I need to actually practice next time. I don't know when my next dance competition will happen, since im not going to ANW this year, its unlikely LVFC will have one, and I'm judging at Furlandia again and feel awkward doing both.

I don't mean to be this negative, but I needed somewhere to share my thoughts. It was hard to tell people how I felt like i sucked, right after they told me "good job". Oh well, at least lots of people liked seeing Harbor at the con.

#fursuit #fursuiter #fursuit dance #fursuit dancer #furry #furries #Youtube #the read more is long and negative so i apologize

[amyperalta1]

TIPS TO PLAN A MODULAR KITCHEN

If you’re a first-time homeowner or you’ve been planning to renovate your kitchen, then installing a modular kitchen is perfect for your home. A kitchen is the heart of the house, it’s a place where we spend most of our day. Therefore, it has to be effective and organised so our day runs smoothly. Installing a modular kitchen in your home can be a blessing in your life as it comes with many benefits.

 What is a Modular Kitchen?

 The modular kitchen concept came out in the 21st century. A modular kitchen is a modern kitchen and better than a traditional one. A modular kitchen consists of units/cabinets mass-produced in the factory. They have special compartments for different things like spices, etc.  The modular kitchen setup can be done in some steps, it’s a bit complicated but the modular kitchen setup can be completed with a good plan.  

 How to plan a good kitchen?

 To make a kitchen functional and durable, it has to be designed well. There are some tips to keep in mind to ensure a well-organized, durable and functional kitchen.

 A Modular kitchen plan:

 Space: There has to be     plenty of floor space so that no one bumps into each other, this reduces     the number of accidents that take place in a kitchen.

Work Triangle: If you     follow the work triangle principle, you’ll have a great time in the     kitchen every time you cook food. A work triangle is also known as the     kitchen triangle, the stove/hob, sink and the fridge form a triangle, they     are also the three primary workstations. You also need to ensure that the     proximity between them is less as there won’t be any chaos.

Work     sequence: While planning a kitchen, also give a thought about the work     sequence, it includes the different tasks that have to be done to prepare     food as you come from the market you need to unload the groceries and     store, after that it is washed and you start chopping or mixing and then     finally you cook it, you serve it and then the plates are cleaned and you     repeat the whole process. So you need to plan smartly.

Ventilation: The kitchen     also needs to be ventilated properly, so that there are no persistent     aromas in the house.

Lighting: Proper lighting     needs to be installed so that your kitchen is well-lit. You can also     install under cabinet lighting so that your counter space is illuminated.

Kitchen Layouts: There are     many layouts to choose from depending on your budget, area space and floor     space.

There are 6 popular layouts:

●     Straight modular kitchen

●     L-shaped modular kitchen

●     Parallel modular kitchen

●     Peninsula Kitchen

●     Island Kitchen

●     U-shaped kitchen.

 Different kitchen layouts provide you with different benefits. Each layout has its unique purpose.

     7. Cabinets: There are three types of cabinets, base cabinets are found in all types of a kitchen, they are vital as they hold up the counter-space. The addition of a tall cabinet in your kitchen can provide you with ample space. You can segregate your cabinets into two zones:  

 ●     Consumables: Reserve an area only to store  perishable items like spices, lentils,        veggies, etc. Keep the consumables cabinets next to the preparation zone (near the stove) so that while preparing you get everything easily.

●     Non-consumables: Set aside a place to store non-perishable items like knives, plates, pots, pans, etc. The non-consumable cabinet should be ideally near the sink so that you can wash and put it back.

      8. Materials: There is a wide range of materials available like Wood, Steel, PVC, etc. It is   crucial to select the correct material so that it is long-lasting. The cost of each material varies.

       9. Colours: Modular kitchens come in a variety of colours. You can choose a colour or go for two colours. You can even match it to your home colour palette.

      10. Counter-top: There is a vast range of materials for countertops. But the most popular one is Granite. The height of the countertop is an essential element to take into consideration as it should be of proper height. The ideal height is 34 inches. If it’s too tall you could face a lot of problems.

      11. Backsplash: It is a component of the kitchen, it lies between the counter space and the upper cabinet. While cooking, a lot of food keeps spluttering so it’s essential to have a wall that can be cleaned easily, so going for a putting a  backsplash on the wall is an excellent choice as it’s easy to clean. It is also pleasing to the eye.

 A good Modular kitchen plan consists of the steps that are mentioned above. It’s necessary to follow these steps so you don’t have to face any difficulties while cooking. If the modular kitchen plan is done properly you’ll have a well-organized kitchen.

 Modular kitchens come in different styles which will suit your house decor, budget and personal preferences.

 Modular Kitchen Styles:

●     Modern Modular Kitchen Style

●     Contemporary style

●     Scandinavian style

●     Rustic style

 There are also kitchen catalogues which provide you with many kitchen modular styles and make it easier for you to choose. It has modular kitchens in many colours, materials, etc.

  In conclusion, You have a basic understanding of how to plan your kitchen and what are the things required for a modular kitchen setup. The cost of the modular kitchen depends on factors like materials, brands, colours, and layouts that you choose. The above steps will help you plan a good kitchen. A well-planned kitchen will provide you with plenty of space and it is easy to maintain. The best part of installing a modular kitchen is, that it is highly customisable as per your needs and you can install it in the kitchen within 2 days. You won’t even have to go through all that construction noise or dust as it is built in the factory and assembled on site. A modular kitchen comes along with many perks, so installing one is a must.

#modular kitchen plan

[the-ipre]

The Tea20! Ft. Dodecahedron Cups

#dnd #dungeons and dragons #ash creates #its finally done! after a While of work and so many triangles

[hyunnows]

SUGAR SUGAR | LF

Teamed up for the annual Bake-Offs, your ex-boyfriend Felix and you have to work together to win while rediscovering your past love for each other.

PAIRING: Felix x Reader, slight Chan x reader (do i even know how to not add some sort of love triangle for skz lmao)

CONTENT/WARNING(S): angst, fluff, slowburn, baker!exboyfriend!manager!Felix, baker!reader, lowkey mean felix, conest!au, bakery!au (cameos of baker!Minho, baker!Han, baker!Jeongin, baker!Changbin, announcers!Hyunjin, announcer!Chan, announcer!Yeji, storage-manager!Seungmin)

WORD COUNT: 23.7k+

RATING: pg13

 A/N: here it is! my longest fic ever 😩 thank you to my betas @heejojo​, @masterninjacow​ and @dreamwrld(@xgrhee​) for helping me out with this so much, im literally so thankful to you guys 🥺💜 anywho, i hope you all enjoy this as much as i enjoyed writing it! please leave rbs/comments of your thoughts, they make my day! i hope you have a great day, night, month, year, and life! stay safe, happy, and healthy <3

DAMN IT I POSTED IT 1 HR AND 30 MIN LATE--

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“We should break up, he said, no hard feelings, he said,” you mumble, sweeping under yet another table. “We'll still get along great…! That lying son of a gun.”

You dust off your hands, propping the broom in its corner and quickly vacuuming the collected dust and trash. Cracking your back, you groan and straighten up. Maybe now you could catch a break…

“Oh, you're done. I need you to mix three medium-sized bowls of batter for red velvet cake,” the freckled boy instructs, catching you off guard. He doesn't look at you and turns away when you give him a tired look. “Hurry up, you have to whip some cream for Mina after.”

With a roll of your eyes, you silently trudge past him, purposely bumping against his shoulder.

You loved baking, it was your favorite hobby, and lucky for you, your job too. Much to your dismay, your ex-boyfriend was also your boss, which wouldn't have been a problem had he not been on a power trip—you as his target.

You two had a great three years, the two of you sharing countless memories, the good ones outweighed the bad. Some would even say your relationship was too good to be true, two bakers who fell in love during school, worked together, and had a pleasantly smooth ride.

But during the last couple of months, the two of you had been drifting apart. There wasn't a particular reason you could pinpoint, besides simply being too busy for each other and too tired once there was time. Not to mention the rumors floating around the bakery, some about Felix and the recruit, others about you two breaking things off. It was all too stressful.

It was the first day off the two of you had in weeks, you cuddled up to his side as you drifted off slowly to the quiet humming of your TV in front of the couch in your shared apartment. You were filled with peace and comfort.

Until he said it, “[Y/N], I think we should break up.”

It'd been shocking, and you couldn't count on your fingers and toes how many times you'd cried after coming to a (not so) mutual decision that it wasn't working out anymore. You'd wanted him to stay and hold you, say it was all a joke; instead, he began packing immediately, giving you a final kiss on your forehead before disappearing out your door.

Cursing yourself for having ever fallen for and crying over Felix, you growl at the memory. Since that day seven months ago, he'd denied your overtime pay, made you work double shifts, and given you the crappiest jobs in the bakery a chef could do. You couldn't even understand why, considering he'd been the one to break up with you.

Feeling dampness sprinkle your face, you realize you were mixing much too aggressively, moving to the last bowl of ingredients and trying your best not to glare at his honey brown hair. How could he treat you like this after loving you for so long? Unless it hadn't been love at all, and you'd been utterly blinded by your feelings—

You cut off your thoughts, huffing. Placing the stirred bowls on the counter for Felix, you shuffle to Mina. She was the recruit that had been involved with the early rumors surrounding Felix, his supposed “secret girlfriend” on the side. The rumors hadn't been true—you knew that much—but he still had you run errands for her, just to mess with you.

“How much do you want me to make?” You glare, gesturing to the whipping cream beside the pretty (pretty annoying) barista. If she had a nicer personality, she'd be a great catch.

She rolls her eyes. “Enough for me to make two dozen cups with freshly whipped cream… Like usual.” She scoffs quietly at your growl. The worst part was that she didn’t even like Felix, the two of them just enjoyed taunting you.

Biting your lip, you resist the urge to growl, and begin the whipping, muttering to yourself angrily. You couldn't care less who Felix favored or dated, however, hand-whipping cream was just embarrassing. You take a deep breath, deciding your health was more important than being angry at an annoying coworker and your ex.

After all, it wasn't like this behavior was going to stop anytime soon.

Felix hurriedly steals the cream from you, handing them over to Mina, then pointing you in the direction of the overflowing sink. You wish you could rip his hair out, because you already washed the dishes today, and you were not up for the second round of eggshells and flour stuck to plates.

Glaring at the baker, you shake your head. “No.”

Surprised at your sudden defiance, Felix raises his eyebrows at you. He knew he was being unfair, and you didn't want to do any of these jobs, except he was your boss, and you weren't one to disobey authority, “No?”

“I'm not doing the dishes a second time today. Get someone else to do it. Mina’s been on her phone for the past forty minutes, why can't she?” You barely stop yourself from sticking your tongue out at her when she smirks at you, continuing to click away on her new phone, which she bought with overtime pay you deserved.

“You are doing the dishes, because it's your job, and you don't want to lose it, right?” He crosses his arms as if to challenge you.

Your eyes widen in shock. Did he just threaten to fire you? He'd never done that before, and that was because you were a valuable baker and barista, but the look in his eyes let you know he wasn't joking. He was dead serious.

Slumping your shoulders, you bite back tears. This wasn't fair. You didn't deserve this kind of treatment because you two broke up. Everyone knew it wasn't your idea, and you clearly remembered Felix suggesting it in the first place. What happened?

You sniffle quietly, turning on the faucet and grabbing the sponge, scrubbing down the first dish.

——

Propping his feet up on his desk, Felix sighs. He knew deep down that he was being unreasonable to you, and he knew he couldn't continue this kind of behavior for much longer, or someone would end up turning in a complaint or two.

Still, he was the highest-ranking person at the bakery, and he doubted anyone other than yourself paid any attention to how much work he gave you. He peeks through his blinds, watching you scrub the dishes angrily, leaning against the counter in anger. Rolling his eyes, he knocks on his window, your confused eyes meeting his tired, annoyed ones and quickly hardening.

It isn’t until he hears a crash from the kitchen that he leaves his quarters, strutting out to find you and Mina face to face and a broken mug between the two of you. He takes in your appearance, shirt slightly damp with what he assumes is coffee from the strong smell and sepia color staining your clothes and the floor. Then he looks at Mina, her shirt drenched in the liquid and a deadly look in her eyes as she glared at you.

He feels his stress rise, crossing his arms tightly, his deep voice rumbling out angrily, “What…” he steps closer, “Did…” his voice dropping an octave, “You…” his face hovering over yours intimidatingly, “Do?”

Eyes wide, your jaw drops. He just got here, and he thought this was your fault? Just when you thought Lee Felix couldn’t get any more unreasonable, you’re proven wrong. “You think I did this? She ran into me with her cup—”

“Y’know what? I don’t care for an explanation. Get Mina another shirt and clean the floor now, okay?” sighing tiredly, ready to walk away from the situation when he hears you growl.

Clenching your fists, you glower at him. “No, she made the mess, she should get me a change of clothes and clean the floor,” your voice stern and face hard. You were not going to keep putting up with his crap.

The entire room goes silent, the surrounding employees drooping their heads and staying so incredibly still and quiet you can hear everyone's breath. Your hands are sweating and you can feel your knees struggling to stay straight against his steely gaze.

“Y’know what? Don't clean it.” He smiles menacingly, leaning down to your eye level. “From now on, we're no longer on the same team. You're not a baker or barista anymore, no, now you'll be under Seungmin’s managing.”

Seungmin was the strict but kind head of ordering for the bakery, and while the two of you got along, ordering the baking supplies was not what you wanted to be doing. You wanted to be a baker, even a barista, but not a supply worker. You needed to be in the kitchen—it was the reason you had started this job in the first place. “You’re not serious.”

He pulls a stern expression, “Yes, I am.” His once bright and playful eyes now dark and intimidating. He lifts his head, a stressed sigh leaving his lips before he continues, “Shows over, back to work.” and clapping everyone back into their positions. He points to you. “Give me your apron and go see Seungmin.”

Your eyes tear up a bit, untying your black apron and shoving it aggressively in his awaiting hand. Gritting your teeth, you scowl at him through your blurry vision, and stomp off. Seungmin was confused to see you in his department, crying and all, but he gave you enough simple work to keep your thoughts busy for the time being.

Felix was so sweet and kind when you were dating, what had happened?

——

“What were you thinking, Felix?” Seungmin scolds the chestnut-head, pinching his nose. “[Y/N] is one of our best bakers, you can’t transfer her. We’ve literally had people specifically ask for her to bake for them. I’m sorry, but she has to compete in the Bake-Offs, and she has to work in this department.”

Felix rolls his eyes, “We can manage without her. We have Minho, I’m still the best baker in the establishment, and the others do well enough,” a growl in his deep voice at the thought of Seungmin picking your side over his. “And she’s been incompetent lately anyway.”

Seungmin shakes his head. “Firstly, we can’t train anyone else to her level by tomorrow. And secondly, you’ve been unreasonable ever since the two of you broke up. Which, if I recall correctly, was your idea,” he stops for a second, “Why did you two break up anyway? You were the perfect couple.”

Felix shuts his eyes, breathing in deeply through his nose. “It might’ve seemed that way, but things weren’t as smooth as they used to be,” his voice growing thick in his throat.

“So things got hard and you ran away?” the younger presses on, arms crossed and lips pursed.

The baker glares. “Shut up Seungmin, you don’t get to judge my decisions.” He grits his teeth. When put like that, Felix feels like the bad guy—but Seungmin knows nothing of your relationship outside of work. He didn’t know how you functioned alone. “I’ll let her compete with us, but she’s not transferring back here.”

“Fine.”

“[Y/N]!” a voice booms the moment you enter the Cafékery, Jeongin racing to you happily, “Thank goodness you’re here! Mina’s sick and Sungjoon’s running late!” You stare quizzically at him, confused as to what that had to do with you. Jeongin’s head tilts. “Don’t you know what today is?”

You scratch your head, puckering your lips and shaking your head. “No…?”

The young baker sighs, “It’s the first day of the Bake-Offs. Y’know, like it is every year?”

Your eyes widen in realization, because you had been planning for this a week prior, and somehow you managed to completely forget about it. Smacking your head, you snap your gaze to Jeongin. “Wait, what does that have to do with me? I’m not even a baker anymore…” you trail off, your eyes saddening at the reminder.

Jeongin cocks his head to the side, “What do you mean? Your name’s on the list and they've been waiting for you for thirty minutes. Even Felix is waiting for you.”

Your ears perk at that, confusion and excitement flooding your veins at the same time. You were going to participate in the Bake-Offs, your favorite event of the year—not counting holidays—and you may have kept your position as a baker. The thought brings a small smile to your lips, and you quickly make your way over to the small crowd of bakers.

Minho greets you, “You made it! Thank goodness, please tell Cookie Crumbs over there to chill out,” jabbing his thumb in the direction of Felix.

You chuckle at the nickname, pulling Felix’s attention from Seungmin and directing it to you, a scowl on his lips that almost makes you want to shrink. You see Seungmin whisper something to him, making him roll his eyes as he approaches you. “So, we need you to fill in for some bakers today. Are you in?”

His words are casual and had they been said by someone who wasn't currently out to get you, they would've come across as calm. But since this is Felix, he growls them at you, a slight mumble in his words from his grit teeth. Put off by his still negative attitude—seriously, what could you have possibly done—you decide to irk him. “I don't know, you don't seem to want me up here…”

He glares at you, putting on his sickly fake calm expression, “[Y/N], would you forgive me for yesterday's events and help us with the Bake-offs?” His tone drips with passive aggression, and you're almost surprised how fake it sounds.

You agree, sighing because he didn't look in the mood for your antics, and you weren't up for his anger or outbursts. “Yeah, fine.”

He smiles dangerously at you. “Thank you.” The words somehow manage to sound mean, sarcastic, and even a bit genuine all at the same time. It’s startling to know that this stranger was once your “one and only”. You wish you could smack young you and convince her to never allow Lee Felix and his perfect freckled cheeks, beautiful smile, and round, big eyes into her heart.

You all hop into the Cafékery’s food macaroon yellow truck—or as the side read, “Yellow Wood on Wheels!”—and your delivery Priuses, packed in with baking supplies (not including ingredients), attire, and whatever else you might need, driving off to the park that held the annual event. The perfectly trimmed bushes surround the park in a maze fashion. The tables get set up in a uniform fashion, all facing the stage, with an outdoor oven, sink, fridge and freezer about six feet behind it. The sun’s not too hot, but you’d be lying if you said it was enjoyably hot.

Seeing the lineup, your favorite competitors smiling from their booths, you felt the nostalgia of when you and Felix were together. Quickly, you shake it off, not wanting to feed into the feeling and give it power. You couldn’t fall back in love with Felix—not that you ever really fell out.

And within ten more minutes of preparation, the competition was on.

“Nice to see you all here today! We’ve got some fresh meat—or, batter, I guess—including Knead to Know Bread, Flour Bakery & Café, and Hole in One Doughnuts, along with some past champions! I’m looking at you Yellow Wood and Sweet Revenge!” From the stage, the announcer, Hyunjin, smiles at you with a friendly glint, his voice animated perfectly for his job, just the right amount of theatrics and humor, “To kick off the event, we’re starting today with “Signature Dishes”! In other words, you may bake anything from your bakery’s “Signature” or Specialty” menu to wow the judges, one of which will be me!”

“You all have an hour and a half to bake something that’ll knock our socks off! Begin with the buzzer in three… two… one! Go!” The buzzer sounds and everyone is running towards the shelves stocked with the most popular baking necessities and the rarest finds in this field.

You try to avoid bumping into anyone—especially Felix—as you dart between your baking table and the ingredients racks, taking generous amounts of whatever you can get your hands on. A pound of flour, a half-pound of sugar, a bag of baking powder, a small bowl of baking salt, unsalted and softened butter, cocoa powder, vanilla extract, brown sugar, a dozen eggs, a cup of chocolate chips, and tartar. Your eyes light up at the sight, the perfect three dishes popping into your mind as you get to planning. One Minho-original sponge cake, a tray of Felix’s signature brownies, and your famous chocolate chip cookies. Oh, you had this round in the bag!

Notepad in hand, you rush over to Felix, hurriedly trying to cut into his conversation, “Hey Captain! I’ve got a plan,” the words draw his attention immediately, and he has no argument against your brilliant baking skills. All the ingredients were there, and you had just enough time to get everything done, make it look gorgeous, and maybe even throw in a little extra if you wanted. “Perfect, right? If I could just get Jeongin’s assistance, I’ll be good to go!”

Felix hums in agreement, the competition bringing out his more reasonable side as he sends the boy over to you, trying to fight the happiness that bubbles in his heart when you gleam at his positive reaction. He calls Minho over quickly, his lips moving miles per second, nodding with the older when they come to an understanding, “Han, I need you to assist Minho. Changbin, you’re with me.”

They all give him some variation of a salute, following his orders confidently without question. Felix may have been a pain since your breakup, but if there was one thing he didn’t allow his emotions to affect, it was winning this competition… or baking. One of the two.

Making your cookies was one of the things you loved most. Something about mixing your original dough, baking it to perfection, and being able to call it yours made you feel beyond important. You could practically feel the dopamine dripping, your hands whisking the eggs violently, only to realize you forgot the mixing technique Felix had taught you back when you first started working at Yellow Wood. Letting out a stressed breath, you decide it’s best to get it over with and head over to ask him.

He’s sweaty, honey skin glistening under the sun as he awaits his melting butter patiently. You assume it’s all the whisking he’s done, both he and Changbin shiny while they hover around the outdoor oven and stove.

Heart beating rapidly, you almost feel nervous to approach him, your cheeks flushing lightly when his head turns to you. “Hey, I forgot that mixing technique you showed me, mind giving me a refresher?” your voice strained and somewhere between giddy and irritated.

He rolls his eyes, coming behind you to re-teach you the technique you’d mastered after seeing it done twice originally. His lean arms encase your own, his chest to your back, while he takes your hands and guides one to mix aggressively, and holds the other in place sturdily. It’s nostalgic, the way he holds you, firm yet gentle, just like he used to. Your heart jumps into your throat, and you try your best to ignore his breathing against your cheek, reminding you of mornings when the two of you would bake gourmet breakfasts together just for the fun of it.

“Okay, I think I’ve got it…” your voice fades away, catching in your throat the moment you turn, coming face to face with Felix, your noses almost touching. His hands stop guiding yours, and you can feel his breath hitch, eyes trained between your eyes and too-close-for-comfort lips. You seal your ajar lips, breaking eye contact and clearing your dry throat, “Um...”

He steps back abruptly, keeping his semi-aggressive stare beside you, careful not to look at you. Quietly, he apologizes, stepping away and continuing his own baking project. He has to calm his own heart as he turns his back to you, an uncomfortable flit settling in his stomach.

Ninety minutes later, you’ve all managed to complete your deserts, plating them to perfection and ready to present. “So, what do you have for us, Mr. Lee Felix of Yellow Wood Cafékery?” Hyunjin interrogates, a wide, handsome smile on his features as he observes the three platters in front of him.

Happy to present three of the Bakery’s best-selling items, Felix grins, his smile genuine and warm. “Today we’ve baked three signature dishes, one from each of our top three bakers. I present you with my signature brownies, Minho’s locally famous sponge cake, and [Y/N]’s delightful chocolate chip cookies!” Finishing with an expectant smile when Hyunjin takes a cut of his brownies, a slice of Minho’s cake, and sticks one of your chewy chocolate chip cookies into his mouth. “We hope you enjoy every bite.”

“Mph!” Another judge, Chan, exclaims as he takes another bite from Minho’s cake. “This is a winner!”

You nudge Minho in congratulations, him flashing you a sheepish grin in return.

Hyunjin agrees, humming in delight at your cookie, “First place, hands down!” Moving onto the third bakery’s dishes, downing yours happily.

You watch the other judges taste your work and their reactions, high-fiving each other when another judge leans over to whisper to you three that you “had her vote”. All three of you turn to each other with content looks, confident with this round’s results.

“Success is assured,” you all laugh at Minho’s robotic impression.

It’s only when Felix’s happy stare finds your own that your mood drops, both of your smiles faltering as you high-five, your palms lingering a little longer than necessary. You chuckle awkwardly as you pull your hand back, his warmth engraved into your hand where it had touched. He coughs awkwardly, bringing his fist to his restless heart, willing it to relax whilst glaring at you. It was just a memory of the love he’d once held for you.

“First place, Yellow Wood!” You all cheer, Jisung “whooping” and Jeongin doing his famous “dolphin scream” loudly.

“Second place, Hole in One Doughnuts!”

“In third, Sweet Revenge!”

“In fourth, we have Knead to Know Bread!”

“And in fifth, Flour Bakery & Café!” The judges announce one by one, Hyunjin keeping his mic at his mouth while the other four drop theirs to their sides, “Our last two places will participate in a face-off elimination match, where they will each chose a signature dish from the other bakery’s specialty menu to the best of their abilities and hope they either pleasantly surprise our judges, or that the other bakery underperforms!”

You’re even more grateful for being in the top spot when you hear the elimination challenge. Yeah, you may have been an outstanding baker, but you were no Gordon Ramsey and you took time to learn other’s recipes.

“Those who managed to place in the top three may pack it up for the day and return tomorrow!” Chan grins, his Aussie accent peeking through his Korean pronunciation. The slight slip up makes you bite your lip, eyes downcast, when you remember how Felix would do the same when you two had dated. These days, you were almost sure he never messed up—though you didn’t have much to go on due to your lack of communication.

Clearing his throat, Felix’s deep voice cutting through the air, “All right, great job everyone! Let’s pack it up and do it all over tomorrow,” He said, hiding his chuckle when the staff groans.

Assuming the bakers were off the hook for their hard work, Minho invites you to relax with Han and himself. You’re about to accept when a small hand grasps your shoulder, and you’re met with an icy glare you’re sure you don’t deserve. “Yes, Felix?”

“Where do you think you’re going?” He lifts his right brow, eyes dark and stern as they bore into yours. “You have to clean up with the rest of the crew,” his tone dripping with that malice reserved for you. Seriously, you wondered how he managed to stay so angry at you for absolutely nothing.

Your jaw drops and you search his face for any sign that he’s joking. Sadly, he’s entirely serious. You frown. “But I was a baker today… I even came up with a plan—a plan that made us win first place!” you argue, unwilling to give up without a fight.

“You did, but I’m still pissed at you for yesterday. Get out of your apron and get to cleaning,” he orders, leaving no room for debate. Something in him is pissed about how you’d made him revisit those old, mushy feelings he’d shoved down when he broke up with you.

As he turns away, you growl, mumbling a curse at him, and untie your apron. No matter how unfair Felix was, he was your superior, meaning you didn’t have a say—at least not one as important as his—and you were obligated to obey his orders as long as you were on the clock. “Damn you, Felix.”

You finish packing away the last of the supplies, thankful for Changbin and his strong arms, who’d decided to hang back and help you out. All that’s left is for you to load it into the truck, which would’ve been easy, had Felix not chased your muscle away after he’d caught him helping you. You groan, straining your free arm and leg muscles to carry the heavy box into the truck’s trunk, almost collapsing before you’ve even made it halfway there, spilling the plates and whisks over the park’s brick-patterned pavement. “Damn Felix, always giving me more work than I should have. He doesn’t even have a reason to be mad! He broke up with me!” Scowling as you recollect the supplies grumpily.

Your loud complaining draws a chortle or two from beside you, Chan holding his fist to his mouth to cover his amused smile.

Flustered, you drop your box—the same box—accidentally in embarrassment. “Can I help you?” Your voice unconfident and your face aflame. You’d just argued about your ex, out loud and imaginary, unaware of the judge who’d heard it all. “Chan, right?”

The ginger nods, his prominent dimples showing in his big smile, “Yep! And you’re [Y/N], right?” his smile widens impossibly when you nod, “I was wondering if you’d like me to help you finish up around here?” Of course, you tell him yes, thanking him over and over and complimenting his strength repeatedly.

“Thank you so much! I don’t know what I would’ve done without you and all your buff-ness.” You were partly joking but mostly serious because everyone knew you did not wield that type of strength in either your upper or lower body. “Seriously, you’re a lifesaver!”

He laughs, loading the last box into the truck and rolling down the door. “So, what’re you doing packing all this up on your own? I mean, the elimination round is already over and almost all of your team has left already, and you’re a baker. I would’ve thought you’d be home by now,” he finishes, curiosity in his slight accent.

You sigh, visibly deflating. “So you know Felix, right?” You wait for him to nod, urging you to continue. “He’s my annoying, jerk boss… and my ex-boyfriend.”

“Oh…” Chan cringes, understanding immediately.

“You know what the worst part is? I didn’t even break up with him! He broke up with me!” your hands flailing in the air to add to your dramatics. Chan’s eyes show confusion, and you nod as to say, “I know right?” making him laugh, “Don’t laugh at my misery! He never lets me relax. He never even told me why he wanted to break up.” An angry pout forms on your plush lips.

“Yikes,” the ginger winces, trying to hide his smile. You get it, if the roles were reversed you’d probably find it oddly amusing too. You shove him lightly anyway, shaking your head when he breaks into a fit of laughter, “Hey, sorry! It’s just weirdly funny. I mean, he’s a complete jerk for doing all that, but it’s still kind of ridiculous.”

You nod, agreeing. You two sit like that, leaned against the truck for a solid ten minutes, playfully arguing about trivial matters and laughing at Chan’s enormous collection of pick-up lines until it’s disturbed by no one other than the bane of your existence. Felix strolls up to the two of you, putting on that same smile he gave to customers just after he’d ordered you to clean the bathroom floors—despite the fact that the café had its own designated janitor.

“Hi, Chan! [Y/N].” He gives you a curt nod that makes you roll your eyes. How fake could he be? “I was coming to check if you were done yet, since the last of us are going back to the bakery, and I was wondering if you could work the afternoon shift today?”

Your jaw drops, already imagining the pile of dishes you had used to bake today, and those the bakers who’d stayed behind had probably sullied. You hang your head, agreeing because you know that he’d get you to do it somehow, be it through a cut paycheck or a job transfer. “Yeah, sure.”

Chan frowns. “But she’s been working all day? Don’t you have other staff that can cover for her?” Felix’s fairy-like eyes darken imperceptibly, and you urge Chan to let it go. Seeing the look of tiredness in your orbs, he sighs, “I guess if she’s up for it, I can’t stop her.” A feigned smile appears on his lips.

“Yep, that’s [Y/N]! I can always rely on her to be ready to work,” flashing a much too forced smile your way, the crinkles beside his eye phony and almost seeming sarcastic. Of course, Felix didn’t want anyone outside the bakery to know how cruel he was. He had no power over anyone who didn’t work for him, and you were sure he didn’t want to get reported and fired. “Nice seeing you, Chan! Maybe we can get something to eat sometime!”

Chan smiles at you, “Bye [Y/N], see you tomorrow, I hope!” ignoring Felix’s offer entirely and giving your hand a chaste peck, a flirty yet friendly grin on his thick lips when you flush.

“Haha… Bye Chan! I hope to see you too,” You giggle slightly as you pull your hand from his, only to groan as Felix tugs you towards the truck door.

Surprisingly, the freckled boy manages to have some gentlemanly qualities left in him, opening your door for you and helping you climb in before shutting it. It almost gives you whiplash how quickly his attitude has changed from overly happy to completely done once he closes his door, “I need you to wash the dishes and mop the floors when we get back. Any arguments and I’ll cut you from the rest of the event.”

You give him a dirty look, leaning over to rest your head on your palm to stare out the window for the rest of the ride.

Tomorrow comes faster than you’d expected, and before you know it, you’re already unpacked at the park, preheating the outdoor ovens. Mina’s returned, and even so she’s not a very good baker (dare you to say, a bad barista too), and Sungjoon’s absent over some familial matters, so you’re still on the roster.

“Alright, everyone! Welcome back yesterday’s winners, Yellow Wood Cafékery, and the remaining contestants, Hole in One Doughnuts, Sweet Revenge, and Flour Bakery and Café!” Chan cheers, starting the day off strong. He sends a wink at you after calling your team’s name, inducing a red hue to take over your cheeks that evokes an annoyed groan from Felix. “Today we will be judging your best pastries! You have half an hour to make something that’ll blow our minds!”

“So I was thinking we could do some nice strawberry roll cakes, and then something new,” Minho suggests, earning a nod of approval from Felix. “I was looking up some new stuff for the bakery and I found this thing called a Franzbrötchen. It's German, so it’ll most likely be something new for the judges, and the others shouldn’t see it coming.”

You tap your chin. “Alright, I’ll take the two roll cakes, and since you know the recipe, you can take the Frankenstein or whatever you said.”

“I’ll help [Y/N] with the roll cakes. We all know she can’t roll one for the life of her,” Felix provokes, his face neutral as the gears in his head turn.

“Alright, go!”

The three of you rush to the ingredients tables, bumping into a minimal yet still significant number of bakers from other teams. It seems that after yesterday, nobody cares about chivalry or manners, roughly shoving each other out of the way to get to their desired ingredient.

You’re reaching for the strawberries when someone thrusts you out of the way, throwing you into an unsuspecting brown you just can’t seem to avoid getting in trouble with, “Hey! Watch it!” he growls, catching you. You scoff, freeing yourself from his hold on your waist, ready to retort when you notice he isn’t glaring at you, but the older girl who’d so rudely thrown you. She ignores his warning, rushing off to find whatever she was looking for, leaving Felix holding you salsa-dip style. “Are you okay?”

The sincerity of his concern almost scares you, but you don’t say anything about it and assure him you're fine with an awkward smile. Felix hadn’t shown that kind of emotion to you in a while, something other than hostility and feigned positivity, since your still confusing fallout. “Yeah…”

You turn and grab the last box of strawberries, running off to look for whipping cream and steady your frantic heartbeat. When was the last time Felix had you feeling like this? Well, yesterday, but before that, you couldn’t even recall it had been so long.

The three of you regroup, Minho summoning Changbin and Jisung to be his helpers and Jeongin volunteering to whip your cream for you. You and Felix dance around each other the entire time, a thick awkwardness filling the air around you two and your baking. Within a good twenty-eight minutes, you were the first team done, stacking your cakes and German sugar buns creatively on a cupcake stand.

The female judge from yesterday, Yeji, is the first to try your Franzbrötchen, staring at it quizzically before taking a bite. “It’s so good! Hyunjin get over here and try this…”

“Franzbrötchen,” Minho interjects, smiling politely at the younger brown.

“Franzbrötchen! Thank you,” she smiles back, eagerly beckoning the other brown-haired judge over to have a taste of the lesser-known pastry, “I’ve never had this before! Points for creativity!”

Hyunjin agrees with her, as does Chan, who makes sure to take an extra-large piece of the roll cake you’d made. Felix hates to admit that the scene of you two eye-flirting makes him feel things he’d lost the right to experience when he… Well, you know, silently hoping another team finishes up soon and cuts the interaction as short as possible. Geez, maybe it was a bit more than a mere “memory of the love he’d once held for you” as he assumed before.

Soon enough, this year’s top rookie finishes, giving your long-time rivals Sweet Revenge a run for their money by taking one of their famous classics and revamping it, creating the best version of their crème brûlées and macaroons ever tasted before. Then, Sweet Revenge follows two simple and unimpressive rice cakes, and Flour Bakery and Café not far behind with a much more notable parfait and a pastry.

“Tied for first, for taking an unforeseen approach, Hole in One Doughnuts!” You all cheer, impressed with the inexperienced team of fresh-faced bakers who jump in excitement, “And yesterday’s number one, Yellow Wood, for their pleasant surprise!” Chan finishes.

Yeji picks up her mic next, confidently smiling at the medium-sized crowd, “And our two who will be participating in a face-off elimination, Flour Bakery and Café, and Sweet Revenge! Stay tuned to see who will be moving on to the next round and who will be going home!”

You hear Hyunjin’s voice begin to explain the elimination round, although you can’t focus on the details as you march over to your tables and begin packing everything away like yesterday, guessing Felix was going to tell you to do it soon anyway. Once all the boxes are ready, you notice almost all the teams have gone home, and the results are out, Sweet Revenge moving onto the next round—though you’re sure they only made it due to experience with working the time in their favor.

Lifting the heaviest box first, you groan and wobble towards the open truck, only to have the weight removed by none other than Bang Chan. “Whoa there, you’ll throw out your back if you keep trying to carry things you don’t have the muscle for.”

“Are you trying to say I’m scrawny?” you gasp in mock offense, a dramatic hand on your heart to add to the scene. “I’ll have you know these biceps are toned to perfection!”

“I’m sure mixing all that batter has certainly built quite a bit of muscle, but allow me to do the really heavy lifting for your sake,” he smiles, the warm apples of his cheeks squishing his eyes.

“Fine, but only because I’m already tired.”

“Of course.”

The same as yesterday, you two sit on the truck’s back, laughing hysterically at a bad baking experience Chan was telling you about, “And the cookies, oh my gosh, they were absolutely horrible!”

“Y-you mean to tell me that you—one of my esteemed judges—can’t bake?” A hand grasps your ribs so that they don’t burst, “That’s gold!”

“Anyway,” he chuckles one last time, still infected with laughter. “Why’re you here again? Isn’t there someone else to pick up the slack?”

You suspire, shaking your head. “There probably is, Felix just likes to pick on me these days. He’s always overworking me, trying to get rid of me. Honestly, I’m not even sure he ever loved me.” You frown, and then cuss quietly when your eyes start to water. “It’s like he’s my bully, and I’ve gotta do his, and whoever he wants homework all the time.”

Chan nods, patting your back gently, “I’m sorry, you don’t deserve that.”

“And what’s worse is that after all this time, all the bad blood and everything… I still love him,” you say, squishing your brows as you try your best not to cry. You recover soon enough though, wiping the wetness of your eyes and putting on your best smile. “Wow, it feels good to get that off my chest,” laughing to lighten the mood.

“I see you’re here… again.” A few minutes later, a familiar, rich voice interrupts, Felix’s unamused face appearing before you and Chan. “I’m not feeling up for any conversation, so if you two could quickly wrap this up, please? I’ll be waiting in the car,” a poorly faked smile on his perfect pink lips as he gives a brief hand motion and enters the large automobile.

Chan smiles nervously at you, “He doesn’t look too happy to see us together…”

“It’s not like that, he’s just unhappy to see me.” You don’t catch how Chan shakes his head at your explanation. “Welp, I’ve gotta go. See you tomorrow, Chan!” You hop off the back of the truck and wave goodbye. Immediately as you enter the truck, you sense the downcast mood, wiping your smile off your face and sighing, “To the bakery?”

He’s thinking about your parting words to Chan, “You read my mind.”

“Great,” you scowl, crossing your arms and sinking lower into the stiff seat material. Felix seemed to have a way of killing your mood, always bringing you down from cloud nine to misery.

The two of you sit in silence for a good ten minutes, before Felix speaks up. “I don’t want you alone with Chan anymore,” his tone is stern, though he’s saying it quieter than usual, almost as if he’s unsure of what he’s saying. “He’s being too… friendly.”

The comment that follows the already absurd order makes you furrow your brows, confusion painting your face. “So? We’re both single, and I like hanging out with him. What makes you think you get to dictate who I get to be friendly with, hm? ‘Cus I’m pretty sure you relinquished that sort of say when we broke up.” You’re angrier than you want to be.

He stays silent, eyes trained on the road, mixed emotions swirling in his stomach. He resorts to glaring, his knuckles turning white as he grips the wheel, “Whatever.”

“Yesterday, one of our rookies came out on top, let’s give a big hand to Hole in One Doughnuts!” Yeji cheers, standing confidently. Maybe confidence was the key to looking great…

“In second place, Yellow Wood!” Hyunjin smiles, “And our elimination round winner was Sweet Revenge!”

“Today, we will be holding a technical challenge. Those of you familiar with our Bake Offs should know that means we will have three dishes for the contestants to choose from. Whoever succeeds in not only baking the dish, as well as plating it and making it presentable within the time limit will move onto the next round unscathed. The other two teams will face off in an elimination round,” Chan explains, discreetly reading the cards between his hands. He sends a wink your way, and grins when you flush, just like yesterday. It’s repetitive, you admit, but it felt nice to be getting positive attention from a guy.

Felix crosses his arms, clicking his tongue at the noticeable exchange. Chan’s far too flirtatious for his taste, and he hates how your blush has him feeling butterflies.

“Alright, the choices are Angel Slices, Fig Rolls, and Miniature Pineapple Upside Down Cakes. Since Hole in One Doughnuts won first place yesterday, they get to pick first, then Yellow Wood, and lastly Sweet Revenge.”

The rookies pick Fig Rolls, leaving you with the choice between Angel Slices and the Upside Down Cakes, and you choose the latter. Your team pretends not to notice the death glares from Sweet Revenge, knowing they didn’t know the first thing about making Angel Slices and Felix happened to be one of the best Upside Down Cake bakers in town.

The three of you decide to make three separate cakes, opting for three different styles and three chances for the top spot.

“Alright, now that we’ve gotten the recipes sorted, you may start your dishes! Go!”

There’s somehow even more pushing and shoving than yesterday, even with the dwindling number of bakers present. You crash into someone, and you can’t believe your luck when it’s Felix you crash into again, except this time he holds you to his chest. “Are you okay?”

You can feel his voice reverberate through his chest, and it’s something you didn’t think you’d hear from him ever again. Worry. “Yeah, I’m good…” you say, dizzy with confusion.

He nods, still holding you to his chest. “Be careful,” his tone softer than what you were used to hearing him use with you. His eyes are soft and averted, and they hold something tender in them. With one more deep inhale, he releases you, almost hesitantly.

When you walk off to find your ingredients, heeding his words and avoiding any more contestants, he misses your warmth. He misses holding you, and keeping you safe. Then he gets distracted, remembering the conversation you’d had with Bang Chan, oblivious that he was listening.

“He’s always overworking me… I’m not even sure he ever loved me…”

“And what’s worse is that after all this time, all the bad blood and everything… I still love him.”

Felix may not have been the type to eavesdrop, but when he’d heard you and Chan’s voices, he couldn’t help himself. He’d heard the whole thing, but something about these phrases had stuck. He didn’t make you do that much, just a little extra here and there when he felt like it. And of course, he loved you! You two had dated for years, how could you think that he never loved you? Heck, he still—

And that last sentence, even after he admittedly acted like a complete jerk to you—and a lot of others post-dating your breakup—you still had all the same feelings for him. He doesn’t like how the thought brings him happiness, or how it has him questioning his feelings about you. He was over you, right? Done with your relationship—that was one of the reasons he’d ended it.

So then, why did one quick glance from you make his heart stutter as though he was the same eighteen-year-old you’d caught the attention of three years ago?

“… lix? Felix, hey! Are you with me?” Minho snaps his fingers in front of his face, concern in the older man’s eyes. “You zoned out for a bit. Don’t worry, we got all the ingredients, and we didn’t lose much time.”

The competition. Right, he was competing, not debating his thoughts of (read: love for) you! “Yeah, I’m here. Sorry, I got distracted.” Minho nods, dragging him back to your station to start.

You’re used to Felix criticizing your baking techniques, but what you aren’t used to is him trying to help you. He’s got his hands over yours again—this time of his own accord—and he’s guiding you in placing your pineapple slices. You know perfectly well how to do this on your own, but he insists on showing you. “Alright, I’ve got it now.”

Hearing the tone of your voice, he sighs, releasing your arms, so you can continue to place your slices in your pan. You space them less than you had in Felix’s, and stack them a bit to give a bit of variety. Once you’re done, you call for Minho, “Hey, can you get me some pineapple juice-water mix?”

Before the oldest has time to respond to your request, Felix pushes a small pitcher towards you. “Here, use some of mine,” a bright pink on his cheeks that you luckily miss, taking the mixture and pouring it onto your pan.

“… Thanks.”

You almost swear he’s smiling, quickly beginning the next step of the process, “No problem.” For once, his tone lacks all hostility. The table goes quiet for the majority of the round, an awkward and fairly uncomfortable silence between you two, which Felix decides he’s not too fond of. Trying to ease the tension as your cakes bake, he leans towards you. “Want a brownie?”

You quirk your brow at him, utterly confused, “What?”

He looks at you this time, gesturing towards a box under his table, “A brownie, do you want one?”

“Um, sure.” As long as they aren’t poisoned. He hands you a larger one, and somehow it’s still warm. Getting a whiff of it, you sigh, biting into the delicious treat. You almost don’t care why you’ve been gifted this delicious piece of unhealthiness, but your curiosity gets the best of you. “Why are you being so nice to me today?”

He stiffens slightly, unsure of how to answer. “I can stop if you want—” he says, reaching over to take your brownie.

You snatch your hand away, hugging the delicacy to your chest protectively. “No, no… It’s just odd…” you reply hastily, quickly becoming attached to your brownie. You won’t acknowledge how you like the sweeter behavior, because if you do, you won’t just be swimming in love for Felix, you’ll be drowning. “Thanks, these are just like I remember them.”

“Yeah…” he murmurs, smiling gently as you reach for another brownie. He had made them in the morning before leaving the bakery after mulling over your interactions the day before. “I actually made them for you—to say sorry for being a jerk, of course!” He adds that last bit a little too quickly to sound natural.

You nod awkwardly, finishing your brownie just as the oven timer goes off. Checking your work—like the fantastic baker you are—you poke a toothpick through the middle, a satisfied hum when it comes out perfectly clean. When you unstick the sides, you’re surprised to see Felix has already unstuck one and is working on unsticking yours.

Minho stares at the younger just as confused, before shrugging. As long as the work’s getting done, you suppose, standing to the side with nothing to do. You decide to make yourself useful, grabbing three decorated plates and placing them neatly in front of the three of you, ready to flip the cakes. Felix rushes to hand you oven mitts in an out-of-character way, but you think it’s sweet nonetheless.

“Three, two, one!” All three of you flip your cakes, watching as they slide out perfectly, and you’re sure you’ll win again this year. They didn’t call Yellow Wood the “Best Baker in Town” for nothing. “Alright, great job guys! Let’s call the judges over.”

Each cake had a slightly different tint, yours is more orange and bright than the others due to the higher concentration of oranges, while Minho’s is closer to a caramel color--you assume he added brown sugar to the mix. The caramel has faded, the bubbles that once resided inside now pooped, leaving the cakes with a transparent olive look. All in all, they’re absolutely gorgeous.

Yeji bounces over first, ready to taste the amazingness you’ve baked up for her. She squeals in delight, beckoning Hyunjin over before shoving a bite in his mouth. He doesn’t care to get upset, too enamored by the sweet and tangy flavors dancing harmoniously in his mouth. “Oh man, unless the other teams are cheating, you’ve got our votes,” he mumbles out, muffled by his stuffed cheeks as he continues to try the other cakes. He marvels at how you all managed to bake the same dish in such different ways and end up with three amazing and unique tastes. “Seriously, like, I might have to swing by the bakery later!”

You all laugh at his commentary, bowing thankfully as Chan approaches, eyes bright and trained on you. “Ah, what have I done to deserve a job where I get to see you and eat your fantastic baking for a week in a row?” His grin stretches ear to ear, and it only widens after he takes a spoonful to his mouth and savors the taste, “[Y/N], I love your baking too much to live without, I just might have to marry you.”

The joke makes Felix freeze for a moment, thinking of a time when you two were seriously thinking of getting married and spending your lives together. How you used to cuddle into his side talking about your future as husband and wife, both of you so sure nothing would ever break you two up.

He used to always imagine buying your first house with you, picking your ring out. It was always the biggest predicament whether he wanted to help you choose a dress or if he wanted to see it for the first time at the wedding.

“Hm, do we want a big, extravagant wedding or a small one?” You hummed, twirling his sweater drawstring in your fingers, eyes staring at Felix’s with nothing but love.

He looks up, scrunching his face up in deep thought, before leaning down to peck your nose, “We’ll do whatever you want. How does that sound?” his cheeks squishing up to his eyes in happiness when you lightly push him, then hug his arms to his sides.

“Are you sure about that? What if I want dancing worms to perform?”

He bursts out in laughter. “Then so be it.”

He comes back to his senses in time to see you flush. He laughs unnaturally, “Get in line, mate,” an almost intimidating drip in his voice as he urges Chan to try the others. Get it line? What line was there for Chan to get in? You give Felix a suspicious look, not too happy with how he seemed to be unpredictable today. Chan shoots Felix a look when you’re not looking, then heads off to judge Sweet Revenge, who’d just finished. The younger boy rolls his eyes, turning to you with a glint in his eye. “That Chan seems friendlier than friendly…”

You stare at him, baffled. “What’s wrong with that? You might find this hard to believe, Felix, but some people still like me.” And with that, you turn away from him, leaving the surprised baker kicking himself.

About twenty minutes later, this year’s newbies finally finish up, and a few more after that, the results are in. Chan stands with Yeji to announce them, both of them sending bright smiles your way, “Once again, Yellow Wood has won first place for their outstanding work! Three unique and dazzling cakes of the same type, congratulations on moving onto the finals!”

Yeji pipes in, “And in second, we’d like to congratulate this year’s fresh-dough, Hole in One Doughnuts!”

The small crowd cheers, along with your teams, as Sweet Revenge bows, and thanks everyone for another great competition. Felix doesn’t get as excited as the rest of you, still focused on your earlier words that were stinging him more than he’d like. You thought he didn’t like you? How absurd—

There he was again, forgetting that all these new opinions you had of him were with very good reason. He hadn’t been particularly nice or caring after breaking your heart, and now he was getting upset that someone was showing you some interest, how rude of him.

He remembers when he was sweet, always bringing you flowers, gifts, and reassurances of love, all the sweetness. Not only that, but he remembers the day all the sugar dissolved into the bitter coffee, and he was no longer staring at you with dark, deep admiration and love. He remembers taking your heart in his hand and crushing it between his fingers, watching your love ooze out like batter to an unfinished, half-raw cake.

And, like a bad chef, he never cleaned up the mess he made. He watched you come into work, heartbroken and tear-stained, every day and did nothing. No comfort, nor space.

Sniffing, you waddled into the bakery, catching the eyes of your coworkers and friends. Minho was the first to check on you, confused and slowly becoming more pissed as he realized those were breakup tears. “Did he do this?”

You'd waved him off, barely holding in your tears. “It's not his fault. It just wasn't working out for him anymore,” biting your lips, they tried to console your tears.

Felix had walked in a few moments later, confused as to why everyone seemed to be crowded together—except him and Mina who'd happened to walk in at the same time. “What's going on?”

Then he'd caught a glimpse of your crying figure, feeling the guilt start to eat at him until Changbin spoke up. “How could you break [Y/N]’s heart? You jerk!” Angry with the brunet the moment he sees him.

Felix’s face hardens, and suddenly he doesn't feel so bad. “I did what was best for me. We agreed on it, she's just making a scene,” venom drips from his voice, and that was the first time anyone had witnessed the new, cold-hearted Felix.

He saw how you shrank at his words, pushing everyone away to run to the bathroom. When you came out, you didn't look at him. When he called you, you didn't make eye contact, but you tried to talk to him, and all he did was send you off to clean angrily. What had happened to him?

He sees you talking to Chan, and notices you haven't started cleaning yet. In other words, he sees an opening, a chance, to be nice to you again. Even if you two weren't together and madly in love like you once were, he at least wanted to be on good terms with you again.

He speedily begins putting away all the supplies, pretending to ignore your shocked expression, when in reality that was exactly what he was hoping for. If he wanted you to know he was genuine, he couldn't be openly looking for your validation. When he's done, he packs the boxes neatly into the truck and waits patiently for you to finish your conversation and enter, all the while wearing a small smile.

“Sorry for not picking up, I got distracted. It won't happen again though,” you apologize robotically, allowing Felix to realize how practiced your apologies to him must be.

He waves it off, giving you an understanding look as he starts the ignition. “Don't worry about it. I'm sorry I've been making you take care of all that alone.” he frowns to himself, guilty. “I'm going to drop you off at the café, okay? Don't worry about the evening shift today, just go home.”

What's he up to? You wonder, subtly eyeing him with a nod, confused by his extremely understanding and—dare you say, nice—behavior today. Hadn't he hated your guts just yesterday?

Not enjoying the awkward silence, Felix turns up the radio, an all too familiar song filling the truck's low-quality speakers. It's your song, the one you two had first kissed to, back when you won your first Bake-Offs together.

He's about to switch the station when he hears you humming the melody, and a small smile takes over his freckled cheeks. He begins the chorus, voice low and smooth, the deepness reverberating through your ears down your spine in nostalgia and comfort. You try to contain the way your face flushes and contorts into a happy expression, but something about how he sounds just like he used tickles your heart. It feels like when times were simpler, your boyfriend and you singing your hearts out to your “song”—

Your smile slowly falls, and you stop your quiet singing, feeling tears well up.

Felix doesn't notice at first until he realizes his voice and the singer's are the only ones he hears. His chest stutters in the worst ways when he sees you, downcast and frowning at your lap, and he remembers that your current relationship is not okay. He switches the station, and mumbles out a quiet apology.

“Alright, today's the big day! To spice things up a bit, we'll be having pair competitions! That's right, two bakers from each establishment will be chosen to represent their team against the other team's pair,” Hyunjin announces brightly, and you wonder if he was born with the ability to have all eyes on him the moment he entered an area. “They will be creating a pastry of their choice that represents our theme, which in today's case, is love! Each team will have two hours to perfect their creation.”

Chan steps forward. “The time starts in three… Two… One!”

“Okay, we're all fantastic bakers, but we have to pick our best,” Minho reasons, huddled around a table with the rest of you. “I think [Y/N] and Felix are our best bets. I know you two aren't on the best terms or anything, but I've seen you two recently, and I think you guys can pull it together long enough to win.”

You wave your hands in front of your face. You were almost sure that if you and Felix were alone in a high-pressure situation, one of you would end up in the hospital and you'd lose the competition. “I don't think that's a good idea—”

“I agree with Minho. Mina got back yesterday, and she might get along better with Lix, but we all know she can't bake to save her life. Plus, you two have worked together and won before,” Changbin cuts you off, which is surprising because Changbin isn't one to agree with Minho easily.

Felix turns to you, “If you're okay with it, so am I.” Curse his starry eyes and freckles akin to the constellations.

You sigh, giving in. “Fine, but if he starts acting like a jerk and we lose, don't blame me.”

You both run to the ingredients, and you can't help but notice that Felix is hovering around you, blocking other contestants from bumping into you. Chivalrous, really, but you still haven't forgiven him for his behavior for the last seven months.

You bite your cheek, eyeing the shelves as you think of a plan. “I think we should go with a Persian Love Cake. Nothing says romance like a cake with love in the name, right?”

Felix nods. “But I don't know how to make that—I've only had one that one time when—,” we were together, he stops himself from saying it, but with the way your face contorts, he knows you already knew what he was going to say. “You're going to have to teach me as we go.”

“That's fine, it's not too difficult. Preheat the oven for me, one-sixty degrees Celsius fan-forced, I'm gonna start greasing a cake pan,” you direct, not noticing the glint of happiness in Felix’s eyes. He thought you were cute when you took the lead, one of the reasons he had asked you out all those years ago.

After you've prepared that, you push him towards the electric mixer. “Now, I need you to beat butter, sugar, vanilla, cinnamon, ginger, cardamom, and rosewater until it's pale and creamy, okay? I have to mix some almond meal and flour.”

He does as he's told, though he does waste a bit of time looking over at you with soft eyes when he sees you've covered most of your apron and your face with the powders. He wasn't going to lie to himself, he really missed baking with you, side by side, just the two of you. It was one of the things he missed most after the breakup—but he couldn't admit that. Not after what he'd done.

As he finishes up, he sees you already ready to take the bowl from him, cracking eggs and beating them into the mixture one at a time before slowly folding it into the powder cocktail, then spooning it into a bowl. Felix wonders when you got so efficient at working alone in silence, recalling how you used to waste so much time cooing at him and chit-chatting when you two had dated. Then he remembers everything had changed since then.

It was a truly odd sensation, the way his heart shrivels as he realizes he had broken you and left you to pick up the pieces, except now it seemed all the little ones were missing from the puzzle of you. You used to socialize all the time, until he started having you take shifts with people you didn't know, and you got used to being alone. You'd stopped talking as much when he'd told you to stop being so loud. He hadn't heard you laugh freely around him since he decided to be a complete jerk.

Man, he really messed up.

Now that he thinks about it, he didn't even have a good reason to have broken up with you. The bakery was having you both work overtime and more than usual, but you two were still in love. You were trying, he should’ve been trying; you two would have made it work.

But just like Seungmin said, things started getting difficult and Felix ran away.

There were rumors, you two were both tired, and things were becoming a bit distant between you two, and Felix thought that meant your time was up. That your relationship had run its course, and this was the end of the line before it got rougher. Now he wishes he could punch his slightly younger self, tell him to man up and just work through it all with you instead of being a pissy jerk who lost the best thing he ever had.

You quickly begin preparing more cakes, figuring that it would look better if you had more than the other team done in the allotted time. Besides, more cakes meant cuter plating possibilities.

You fail to notice how Felix stares at you, until his warm, slightly calloused palms come to wipe your cheeks gently. He keeps his eyes focused on yours as he performs the affectionate act, successfully making your heart skip a beat (or two).

With a shy lump in your throat, you find yourself unconsciously leaning into his touch as he brushes the flour off your cheeks benevolently. Your eyes glance from his chocolate ones to his heart-shaped lips, and you wonder what could possibly be holding you back from kissing those perfect lips like you had so many times before?

And with a jolt, you remember where you are, who you were, and who he is. You’re in a serious, high-stakes baking competition as a finalist, with your mean, unfair, ridiculous ex-boyfriend, who is also your boss. Pull it together, [Y/N]! You needed to keep your head in the game.

You push Felix away, muttering a quiet and sharp “Excuse me,” and continue kneading your batter into the powdery concoction. If you had been any less determined, you would’ve noticed how the hearts in the brunet’s irises shatter. Oh, to go back to the time when things were easy…

Felix’s arms brush over yours as he kneads another ball of batter beside you, his gaze directed on your pursed lips whilst his hands do the work. He’d been so close to your face—how could he possibly forget how damn gorgeous you were? Now, all he wanted was to kiss your lips like he once did, soft, gentle, sweet. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” You raise your brow, turning to face him—maybe your vision darts down to his plush lips for a second before refocusing on his face. Was he apologizing for a moment ago? That would mean the odd tension wasn’t just in your head, and he felt it too. Still, you didn’t want to let your heart lead the way—it’s what had made you date Sir Angel Dust in the first place—and would rather forget about the encounter. “Don’t dwell on it, just keep kneading.”

He sighs, his nerves building up slightly as he has to explain himself. Gosh, he felt eighteen again, nervous to ask you out and get rejected. “I meant for breaking up with you, then acting like your enemy. I told you we’d stay friends, and I never explained myself. I’m sorry for all of that.”

Even if hearing the genuine apology from his deep voice made your stomach do flips, you weren’t ready for this or the feelings that came with it. Right now, you need to focus. “Whatever, it’s in the past now. C’mon, spoon it into this pan then put it to bake,” you direct, voice wavering slightly with every syllable that leaves your throat.

He does as he’s told—making sure to help you as well, so he can score points and speed up the process—and then he resumes his earlier speech. “Seriously, I’ve been horrible to you, and I’m sorry. Can we please talk about this?”

You clench your fist, breathing deeply as you move to step away from him, except you can’t. He has a careful and firm grip on your wrist, almost as if he was holding a fragile glass he was afraid to drop, and he holds you in front of him, gaze boring into your own. “What’s there to talk about, Felix? You’ve said it all.”

He shakes his head. “No, I don’t want us to be left like this, as enemies. I want to make it right, please don’t walk away.” You shouldn’t still fall for the pleads in his voice, but it’s always been your weakness. You sigh, nodding and leaning against the fold-out table beside him. He nods, thankful. “Thank you.”

“Just say what you need to say, so I can go.”

He frowns. “Did I really ruin everything to this extent?” You nod. “Then why are you still here—at the bakery, I mean?”

“Because I loved my job—which I’m not even sure I still have anymore. I know you’ve been nicer, more reasonable these past couple of days, but that doesn’t change the fact that you hurt me, really badly.” You feel the tears begin to well up. “You even started making me do stuff for Mina, knowing about the rumors and how they made me feel. It was as if you never loved me…”

Don't say that. His throat tightens at both your tears and your words, I've always loved you. “I'm sorry, [Y/N].”

Padding your face with your fingertips and fanning yourself, you shake your head. “Sorry doesn't fix everything that you did, Felix.” You stand straight, breathing in and out deeply, “I can't do this right now with you.”

Keep your head in the game, you tell yourself, ignoring the emotions stirring in the pit of your stomach. Felix didn't deserve your tears—and he definitely didn't deserve your time and thoughts. Screw being hung up on Lee Felix, and screw him.

“Alright, we know everyone was expecting this to be the big finale,” Chan starts off, looking less enthusiastic than usual, somewhere between tired, annoyed, and even amused. “But we've decided to mix it up a little. The two pairs that were picked today will be competing tomorrow in a series of challenges, and a winner will be declared overmorrow. Courtesy of the anonymous suggestions last year who thought our event was too predictable.”

You freeze, unsure if you can bear being alone with Felix in a competition any longer. You didn’t care if he was “different”—technically back to normal—he’d hurt you too much.

“This round along with the next two will add up to points, which will determine the final elimination!” Yeji booms, explaining the competition's new twist, “Whoever has the most out of three points wins this year’s Bake-Offs! Now, without further ado, let’s judge this round! These cakes look amazing!”

You and Felix present your cakes, plated to perfection, with every crumb, petal, and nuts placed with precision to make it as appealing as possible. You, to be quite honest, outdid yourself. Your cakes were absolutely ethereal with their white milky white glaze, glittered with crushed pistachios, rose petals, and candied ginger that let the cake be anything but boring. You almost wanted to keep one framed—especially the silver edible glitter, absolutely breathtaking.

Chan comes over first, taking a bite into his mouth to get the judging portion over with to talk to you, since Hole in One Doughnuts was still busy baking their mystery romance cake. “As always, I don’t think I’ll be able to live without your baking after this,” he flirts, his words implying something a little more than platonic. “Maybe you can bake for me outside this competition sometime?”

Your cheeks pinken, and you reply with the same coquettish tone, “Maybe. If we get first place,” you joke, laughing softly at his faux disapproving handshake.

“Speaking of your “we” situation, how are you doing?” he nods in Felix’s direction, eyeing the baker as he talks with Minho about something on the other side freshly pruned hedge that separates you. “I’m sure it hasn’t been the smoothest between you two.”

You scrunch your brows, a weird and confused look. “Oddly enough, he’s been really… pleasant these past two days. I think he’s either realized he’s been a jerk, or someone threatened him,” you say that last part as a joke, and thankfully Chan shares your lighthearted humor.

“Or he’s realized he should’ve never broken up with you,” he shrugs, and you have the feeling that he’s not joking—not for the most part. He waves his hands, “Just speculation, of course. Although, if I were him, that’s what I’d feel like right now.”

“You are such a flirt,” you snort, pushing his chest—maybe you feel how toned his chest is, but that’s not important. “Anyway, how long until the next round?”

He senses you want to change the subject, so he allows it, and answers you honestly, “About thirty minutes after this round. The same goes for the last round. Oh, and we won't be announcing winners today, but tomorrow after we sit with the other judges and come to an agreement.”

You nod, feeling anxious. How long could you two actually last in this situation? What if Felix suddenly decides he hates you again and you rip each other's throats out? Why that's what you thought of, you didn't know, but it was unpleasant at the least.

You and Chan chat for a bit longer, before the other team finishes and Felix is back at your side wearing a look that almost seems nervous. “… So you and Chan?”

You shrug. “I don't think it's like that. I think we're definitely flirting, but I don't think it's going further than that. I wouldn't want to be the ex of not only my boss, but also my competition judge.” You laugh at your own joke, Felix giving an awkward chuckle at the joke.

He never wanted to be in the same category as Chan in your eyes.

“So, since we have some time… can we talk now?” He asks, his voice deep and quiet, like if he was mumbling, except he pronounced every syllable clearly. You sigh, nodding, and he proceeds. “I never meant for things to get like… this. I just saw you crying the day after, and I panicked. I didn't want everyone knowing we had broken up, but they did know, and I snapped—at you. I shouldn't have ever done that.”

“Damn right,” you mutter. “The thing I never got was… why did you break up with me? Was it something I did? Or did you get tired of me?” Pain, both new and old, seeps into your voice in the form of tone cracks and soft speaking. “I think I deserve an explanation.”

He sweats. Even with his earlier conclusion, he didn't feel confident in telling you he was “just scared your relationship would only go downhill”. He knits his brows, the shadow they cast over his eyes making the light brown reflections of light even more prominent. “I thought… I just thought it was time to end it…” His sentences drag out oddly, as if he has more to say.

You nod, deciding that maybe that was a good enough reason for you. You light up with another question soon after, tapping the table absentmindedly as you continue your interrogation. “What made you want to make amends?”

His heart aches because he doesn’t know. It wasn’t like he had just started missing you out of nowhere, right? He didn’t even realize he was being a jerk until you pointed it out. His eyes trail over to the other team, and he sees Chan, which makes him feel sick. Maybe Chan wasn’t the entire reason he wanted to get you back, but he was certainly part of it. If you started liking, maybe even dating him, Felix couldn’t pretend like he was okay without you. He’d have to let you go completely.

But hadn’t he already done that?

Felix’s mind darts back to the first day, when he’d been reteaching you his mixing technique—how he’d held you and how close you two had been, how it made him feel. It was just like when you two would bake together as a couple.

No, he’d been holding onto you by a thread this entire time.

He needed to win you back before you were done with him for good—if you weren’t already. He needed to fix all his mistakes and, maybe, he’d get the chance to love you again.

He tries not to smile at the resolution, and it becomes easier after a second when he remembers you still thought he hated you, and you hated him. He had dug himself a six-foot deep hole, and now he had to climb out of it. Fantastic.

He notices your confused staring, which baffles him for a moment. Oh, right, you asked him a question. “I… I just realized how much of a jerk I’ve been, and I felt bad…” He lies through his teeth, scratching his neck nervously as he hopes you’ll believe him. “Again, I’m so sorry about all that.”

“Yeah… okay,” you mutter the last word, looking down as if you were thinking. Was he being genuine? Or was this so that you wouldn’t bail on him for the competition? If that was the case, he could stop, because you loved baking too much to throw in the towel this early in your life.

He frowns. You didn’t believe him, did you?

Your conversation is put on hold when Chan steps on stage, holding a small card in his hands to read off of. “I just want to say, you’ve both impressed me with your outstanding baking. But, we can’t choose a winner based on the one round, so we’ll be starting round two in fifteen minutes. To give you time to prepare, we’ve decided to tell you the next challenge.”

“The next round will be… different,” Yeji starts, a slight difference in her voice when she utters the last word. “You will be tied to your partner with one hand and will have to bake a summer theme pastry of your choice. Exciting, right?”

Hyunjin nods beside her. “You will be able to choose what side you’re tied on, but you will have to be tied at the wrists, no higher. Anyone caught slipping out of the binds will be disqualified immediately.”

You all nod, and you turn to Felix, less than excited to be attached at the wrists with him. “So, what side do you want?”

He almost does a double-take at your tone, upset at how it had gone from the slightly personal and almost casual timbre to the harsh and distant one you used now. He deserved it, he supposed, but it was still disappointing. “I want to be on your right, I’m awful with my left hand,” he chuckles, trying to lighten the mood.

You nod, “I know,” and the words make his heart flutter. At least you still remembered some little things about him, he muses. “So, I was thinking of making a strawberry tart, with toffee strawberries.”

Felix’s eyes launch to yours in recollection, “Like the one you made for our anniversary?” He says before he can stop himself, the words spilling from his lips naturally. He feels his stomach twist when your face drops, and curses himself for blurting that out. Why was he so awkward now? This wasn’t what he meant when he wanted to be a teenager again.

“Yeah, one of those. I think Mina attempted one with you last week, right?” you furrow your brows, irritated. You were contemplating forgiving him, and he just had to hit a sensitive spot, didn’t he?

You note how his face contorts into something you can’t quite put your finger on. Felix still baffled you, as he had for the past several months. This competition has only confused you further. What baffled you more was the prospect that perhaps, he had wanted you back, and maybe you wanted him too.

No, Felix can’t happen again, you reason with yourself, biting your cheek. As much as your heart yearned for him, it could never beat with him again. He’d hurt you too much, and even if you did decide to forgive him, you could never fall back into his hold. The risk of getting hurt again was too high. Never again…

Fifteen minutes fly by before you know it. Chan stands at the head of the park grounds again, broad-shouldered and beautiful, and you won’t lie, you may have stared a little longer than you should’ve. “The round starts now! Someone from your team will come to tie your hands together with a silk rope—so no excuses to get out of it.”

Minho comes over, smiling mischievously, “Ah, the lovebirds tied together by the red string of faith once more,” he jokes, waving the red silk rope before tying your wrists together. You shoot him a half-hearted glare and he brings his hands up in surrender. “I'm kidding, I'm kidding.”

And from then on it's just the two of you again.

The past three days had their fair shares of strange encounters with Felix, but today was taking the cake. Within the first five minutes, you and Felix had accidentally gotten into the famous “kabedon” pose, him gently hovering over you with his hands on either side of your face because you'd pulled him too hard towards the flour shelf. Now, five minutes later, you were half leaning on Felix, chin just above his forearm, as he cut the strawberries into slightly thick slices.

It wasn't a very compromising or affectionate position, but it had been a while since you were practically hanging off of Felix like that. You thought it was a good idea, so he'd have more room to move his arm, but after feeling the effects of being in such proximity with Felix, you decided it was a dumb thought in general. Damn him for being so beautiful up close.

Soon enough, he starts the next step, and you begin your own work, which proves much more difficult than you originally anticipated. The both of you are tugging in different directions, yanking each other away from their task as you both try to complete your own.

You decide to pull a little harder than either of you had before, pulling his wrist to your side of the table, happy with the result. Felix's face hardens, and no matter how many adorable freckles he has, he still manages to look threatening. Not that you can tell, though, because you're too busy working with flour to receive that dandy texture you're going for.

You’re so preoccupied, you don't notice that he's about to tug his arm and yours back to his side until he's done it. The movement startles you and causes you to drop your ball of dough into a bowl of sugar, and you glare at him. He shrugs and continues molding his own, hiding his playful smirk.

You remove the sugar–which wasn’t too hard since the dough was relatively dry and not sticky—and continue kneading your ball into the shape you want, then just as you finish, you bump your hip into him. He drops his, and you shrug, trying to suppress your giggles. “Hey, I’m just getting you back since you dropped mine.”

He pokes his cheek with his tongue, unable to help his smile as his eyes turn to crescents happily. He hasn’t seen you genuinely smile at him in what feels like years, and he’d be lying if he said he didn’t miss it, or that it didn’t make his heart palpitate three times faster. “Fair enough,” he watches you for an extra second, taking in the moment. His ball is finally in the shape of a disk too now, and you help each other wrap them in saran wrap and plop them into the fridge.

You start on the filling, and Felix takes to sitting beside you, doing absolutely nothing, so you can pretend your wrists aren’t currently conjoined. He decides now is a good time to observe you, leaning on his free hand to watch your features adoringly. If anyone were to look at you two, they’d probably think you two were the sweetest couple ever–except you’re not a couple anymore, and nobody was watching you two for anything other than keeping an eye out for cheaters.

Felix gazes at you so lovingly, he can’t even believe there was a time when he looked at you with spite—even if it was only a few days ago. He starts softly, nervously, “You look good, y’know… I’m sorry I wasn’t a good boyfriend towards the end of it. You were amazing to me, and I just… wasn’t.”

You try to stay focused, only nodding at him and quickly muttering something along the lines of, “The past is the past,” trying to convince both yourself and him of the line. You two happened, and now it was over—that was just the way it was. Now, you just needed to get to a place where you didn’t wish it wasn’t over.

“Yeah…” but what if I don’t want it to be? The words linger on his tongue, but he doesn’t say them. No, what does come out of his mouth is, “but I feel bad. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, or been a complete a-hole after breaking your heart, it wasn’t fair to you.”

You sigh, dropping your whisk and staring straight into his sparkly, rich brown eyes–a mistake on your part. With a deep breath, you say, “Felix, it happened, and I’m over it. Let’s just be friends, and forget about it, yeah?” Not that you’d be forgetting any of it, really—you just didn’t want to keep talking about this with him. “Please stop bringing it up, so we can move on from it.”

He nods hesitantly, frowning a bit. He wanted you to forgive him, and to forgive him, you needed closure, right?

You start to boil the custard filling and forget Felix’s hand is stuck to yours, despite the weight, and fail to warn him when you turn on the flame. Luckily, Felix’s skin is semi-sensitive, and he jumps away from the heat before it can do any real damage–besides the ghostly-burning feeling that hangs around his knuckles.

Unluckily for you—Felix could argue this was pretty good luck for himself—he accidentally yanks you back to, your weight tumbling back into a bag of flour and towards the ground. Just before you can fall to the floor, your body freezes midair, and you dare to peek out of your screwed shut eyes.

Felix hovers over you, lips just above yours and eyes boring into your [E/C] ones, and you’re breathless. He glances from your eyes to your lips, and thinks about what it would be like to kiss them again, to kiss you again. He searches your features for something—you don’t know what, but you know his face when he’s looking for something—and blinks, breaking the long, far too romantic stare for ex-lovers. “Are you okay?” His voice is low, and despite the words, he doesn’t sound extra worried. He sounds like he’s got a heavy heart, or he’s contemplating something.

His gaze makes you feel a way you never thought you’d feel because of Felix ever again, and you find yourself breathless. “… I-I’m fine,” you barely get out, your eyes still stuck on his, and you hate that you have the urge to kiss him. To be held by him, loved by him, to be his again. You almost want to curse with how hard your heart is beating.

You stay like that until you accidentally inhale some flour and burst into a coughing fit. Felix stands you up, wiping the flour you accidentally dropped on him off his face. His heart beats hard and fast, and he’s sure that if you quieted down enough, you’d hear how it thumped in his chest, for you.

Neither of you realize you’ve locked hands until you finally regain your composure, going back to boil the custard when you make sure he’s not close to the flame or the pot. It’s quiet until the mixture is finally ready five minutes later, and you ask Felix to whip some egg yolk for you as you carefully spoon one cup of the filling into the yolk-filled bowl with one hand, mixing them thoroughly before moving them to a saucepan.

It simmers for a bit while Felix whisks it constantly to thicken it up a bit more. Then, like the true baker he is, he wipes a bit off the whisk and tries it, marveling at the flavor. “Damn, this is pretty good!” He grins at you, gesturing for you to try the mixture as well.

You nod, picking up a bit from the whisk and trying it, humming proudly in response. He smiles at you, and adds the butter and vanilla, and stir until the butter melts entirely. He pours it into a perfectly sized bowl, covers it in plastic wrap—to stop a skin from forming—and places it in the refrigerator.

“And now we wait,” you sigh, leaning against the sink with Felix at your side.

He takes his chance to admire you once again, “You have flour all over you,” he laughs. Wetting a rag, he brings it to your face, wiping your cheeks and forehead, before quickly running it down your face. He bursts out into chuckles at your faux angry pout, “There you go, all clean!”

“You’re a menace, Lee Felix,” you mutter, wiping your face off gently and throwing the towel onto his face. He catches it, laughing heartily, and throws it beside him, enjoying this moment with you.

You catch yourself grinning, your heart racing in the most enjoyable way possible until you will it to calm down. Felix didn’t feel that way anyway, and you couldn’t break your resolve. Still, you can’t help but enjoy the feeling of being at peace with Felix, smiling and laughing.

“So… I was wondering–” A loud ding interrupts him, which he decides is for the better, considering the idiotic question he almost asks. Do you think we could get coffee together, sometime? Yeah. That hadn't been a good idea.

You two pull out the cake trays, allowing them to cool in the cooling rack for a few minutes before placing them on your table. With a smile, you roll off the cling wrap and hand Felix the custard. “Time for the fun part. Here, take this and spread it over the crusts, while I cut some fresh strawberries.”

“I cut some earlier, though, why are you cutting more?” He quirks his brow, wondering if you had just forgotten.

You give him a look, one that’s almost mischievous, and he knows you have some sort of baker-trick up your sleeve. “You did, and by the time the judges get to them, they’ll be super sweet. But, we want to blow their minds, so I’m also going to have some fresh ones mixed in. It’ll give it variety in both taste and texture!” You cheer, slicing through the strawberries.

Felix smiles, his eyes unable to look away from your grinning lips and determined eyes as he glosses the crusts with the filling. It had been so long—too long—since he’d been able to bake with you peacefully. How could he ever think to break up with you?

You both carefully line the strawberries up in a spiral motion on each tart, being sure to mix between the room temperature and fresh berries throughout the process. Then, you pull out a small jar, filled with an almost clear yet foggy liquid with a slight brown tint.

At first, your ex-boyfriend is beyond confused, and not just because it looked like piss. Then, a lightbulb goes off in his head and he understands the mystery liquid. Sugar-water syrup, made of both ordinary white sugar and brown sugar that had been mixed with water to form a syrup of the sort. “You baking genius,” he remarks, wide-eyed. He never would’ve thought of that.

You drizzle it artistically over your tart, then hand it to Felix. “I really am, huh?” you laugh, sprinkling the tiniest bit of salt to counter the natural bitterness in the crust while amplifying the best flavors. Then, like the professional you are, you dip your finger into the now useless bowl of custard, humming in delight as you sprinkle crushed pistachios over the delicacy. “And we’re done!”

You call over Hyunjin, urging him to try your tart, and he groans at the flavor. “You are quite possibly the most wife-material person I’ve ever met. I might have to slide you my number after this,” he jokes lightheartedly, and you laugh because no part of your little friendship was romantic at all.

“With that face and that attitude, I might have to slip you mine,” you laugh back, and he gives you an eye smile before happily trying Felix’s. Then Chan comes along, dimples and all, as he beams at you. “If it isn’t my favorite judge.”

Hyunjin throws an offended “Hey!” over his shoulder, which makes Chan shake softly in laughter. “And my favorite baker. Tell me, what do we have here?”

“Strawberry tarts, perfect for summer because of its cool temperature, and sweet flavor. Plus, I gave it a bit of a kick,” you boast your baking, proud of the response you’ve given and the one you received from Hyunjin earlier. “Tell me how you like it.”

Chan takes a large slice and bites nearly half of the slice off in one go. “Wow, this somehow tastes exactly like summer. Chan wants more.”

You cut another slice, and giggle at him, “So Chan speaks in the third person when he’s hungry, hm? Cute.”

He nods, taking another monstrous bite as he hops over to Felix, taking note of the slight glare the younger boy gives him. Yeji comes to your stand next, loving your food as she whispers that she’ll definitely vote for your victory. Oh, you have this competition in the bag.

Your competitors finish quickly after with a blueberry pie, which you’re sure is less than refreshing for a summer recipe.

Yeji gets up on stage, reading from a card as she gives that bright, show-biz beam. “Both teams have impressed us greatly, and it’s going to be a tough decision. Thankfully, we have one more round to decide the two bakery’s fates.”

“Like one of the first rounds, you will be making a signature dish,” Hyunjin stands beside her, tall and confident, “but, you will be recreating the signature dish your opponent made that round instead of picking your own.”

Chan is the last to step up. “Since you will be recreating these dishes, we are giving you the same amount of time the original bakers had in the first round. In other words, you have an hour and a half. Your teammates will bring you a card with the dish, plus the standard recipe, in a few minutes. When the buzzer goes off, the round begins.”

A few minutes was an overstatement, because Jisung and Jeongin rush over to you in what feels like seconds, shoving the recipe cards into your hands and running off. You glance at them, a carrot cake and a tuxedo cream dessert. Simple enough, you hope.

The buzzer rings loudly, and the final round begins.

“Okay, you take the tuxedo thing, and I’ll handle the carrot cake. Got it?” Felix orders, already pulling you towards the ingredients, sounding both stern and pumped. You don’t mean to, but your mind thinks about how attractive Felix is, covered in flour and all concentrated–probably because this was how you usually saw him while you were dating, and it was just messing with your heart again. He waves his hand in front of your eyes, waking you up to confirm the plan. “Are you cool with that plan?”

“Uh—yeah, totally!” You reply stiffly, rushing to hastily grab the ingredients, and you don’t notice how nobody dares to get too close to you. Felix was a great bodyguard, it seems.

You rush back to the table, your mini hand-held cart stocked with your ingredients, Felix trailing not far behind. You both unpack the carts and don’t dare to waste your baking time—mostly because you’re not too great at carrot cakes, and Felix had barely even heard of a tuxedo cream dessert.

Before you know it (aka fifteen minutes later), you've finished the cake part, and you slide the pan into the oven to bake for the next 40 minutes. As you start on the icing, you mix cream, butter, and cream cheese into a blender, then drop in the perfect amount of powdered sugar and blend it.

It would be delicious, sure, but would it win you the competition? After all, you were just making a simple carrot cake at this point–nothing special to guarantee that top spot. Naturally, you turn to the nearest person for their opinion, except that person is usually Minho or Changbin, and right now it’s Felix.

You tap him nervously, and blurt your question before you have the chance to back out of it, “How do you think I can make the cake special? I don’t want to be the reason we lose,” flushing red when you finish because you’ve become so vulnerable you actually care for Felix’s opinion.

He taps his cheek, then smiles. “I ate at their bakery once, and I remember they had some brown sugar in everything. So try that,” he thinks for a moment more, before raising his finger, “Drained pineapple and cinnamon are part of some recipes too!”

You bow slightly in gratitude, thanking him and moving to turn around when his hand comes to your hair. “Besides, there’s no way we’d ever lose because of you. You’re the best baker around, right?”

You flush, because Felix hasn’t complimented you like that since you started dating, and the sparkle in his eye makes your heart stop most amazingly. You nod, saying something like, “Duh!” in response, before you focus on your project.

Felix has never made a tuxedo cream dessert, and right now he wishes he were at home in his bed, clean and in fresh pajamas instead of sweating flour in a sticky apron. Still, even with his discomfort, being with you in a happy environment is enough to keep him persevering–he wanted first prize too, of course.

His boring wait is finally over after twenty minutes of allowing his gelatin creation to refrigerate. In a small saucepan, he brings one cup of cream and sugar to a simmer in the gelatin mixture, stirring it to help it dissolve nicely. When it does, he adds vanilla and some cream he prepared earlier in the round, mixing them beautifully before spooning in a chocolate layer.

Then it’s back to the refrigerator for the majority of the round as he works on blending purée strawberries with sugar and brown sugar, using the tip he gave you to spice up his work a bit. He’ll also be adding whip cream later, so he’s confident in your team.

With the spare time, he thinks about how he wants to change your current relationship. It was cool that you two were friends again, but he’s rapidly learning that he doesn’t want to be just friends with you again. He had already gone down this road back in his shy days of avoiding asking you out, and he wasn’t getting stuck in the friendzone because of his cowardice.

But, is he ready to move forward with you again?

And more importantly, are you?

What if you didn’t really love him anymore, and you just said that to Chan because of the moment? What if you just rejected him for the jerk he’d been? What if–

He stops his thoughts, because this was exactly how he used to coax himself out of confessing. He’d give all the (bad) outcomes, and decide he had no chance, and your love was once again postponed. If he asked for another chance, and you said no, he didn’t have much to lose other than his pride and dignity—though, after his behavior, he didn’t have much of either left.

It’s almost jarring how quickly the last round seems to go by because you recall the first had felt at least a good thirty minutes longer, but a perfect hour and a half after the first blaring, the buzzer goes off once more.

You and Felix manage to finish just in time, but you two aren’t nervous because Hole in One Doughnuts seems to have barely finished your three recipes.

They judge the rookies first, building up your anticipation and nerves when you see the team smile. Then, the judges come your way, asking about the recipe, and how you both managed to get such a killer flavor when cooking the other team’s dishes and adding your own flair.

Chan leans towards your face, rubbing your cheek. “Seriously, I think I’ll have to marry you if it means I get to eat this good,” he flirts, then backs off, hands raised in surrender at Felix’s glare. “Don’t worry, Sprinkles, I’m not trying to steal your partner.”

You snicker at the nickname to hide your flusteredness, but you can’t help but feel a sense of pride wash over you at the thought of Felix still caring for you as you did him. It didn’t matter if he did—obviously… right? You were just… curious. Note the uncertainty in your inner statements. Please.

“As we announced earlier, we will be giving the final verdicts tomorrow. For now, please feel free to pack up and head home for the day! Thank you all for coming, and remember, you may interact with the bakers, but you are not allowed to crowd them, or you’ll be escorted off the premises. Have a great day,” Chan states sternly, before switching to English and using his thick Australian accent to translate for himself.

He hops off the stage not long after, heading to you with his buff arms and charming smiles. You grin too, cleaning hurriedly. “Hey Chan, how’s the best judge ever doing?” You say, using a tone that lets him know what you’re getting at.

“It almost hurts that you’re buttering me up, just to win,” he chuckles, lifting one of the heavy boxes as you two fall into conversation as if Felix isn’t even there. This must’ve been what it was like to be stuck in a room with him and Mina. “Anyway, we don’t know yet either. We have to discuss it, so you’ll just have to wait like everyone else.”

You pout at him, handing him another heavy box to put in the truck. “Eh, it was worth a shot.”

Before you can put another box into Chan’s beautifully toned arms, Felix appears in front of you, taking the heavy container and putting it into the truck with faux ease. He wanted to appear as if he could do what Chan could effortlessly, even if it took a lot of effort in reality. “I’m sure we’ll win, [Y/N].”

You shudder at how rich and smooth his voice is, and you’re reminded of how it was so easy to fall in love with. Recovering quickly, you nod, stuffing another box closed and placing it in Felix’s arms—he practically lifted it off the table—and smiles. “Yeah, I mean, the bakery had a great run this year.”

The younger boy tries to hide his disappointment—he meant that you two would win because you were a great pair, not because the bakery just had talented bakers—and thankfully, he succeeds. With a nod, his eyes become sideways moons. “Yep, so it doesn’t matter how much you bribe Mr. Bang over here.”

Chan rolls his eyes and gives you a look that says, “Is he serious right now?” as you two watch Felix use all his mighty strength to just barely get the last box into the truck. You nod, barely concealing your giggles when he turns around. Chan stares at you for a moment, before he finally decides, “Hey, can I talk to you privately for a moment?”

You nod, opening your mouth to say yes, when Felix suddenly revs the truck, “Hey, we really have to get going.”

You sigh, hugging Chan and giving him an apologetic smile as to say, “Next time”, though he knows that was his shot and he failed to shoot it. “See you tomorrow, Chan!” you throw over your shoulder as you jog to the passenger side, climbing in.

Felix sits there awkwardly, chewing his cheek as he contemplates his words. With a deep, scared breath, he starts, “He was going to ask you out.”

You stare at him, “No he wasn’t, Chan and I are just friends,” you argue, eyebrows furrowed. Chan wasn’t into you that way, right? Besides, why was Felix so concerned?

Felix nods his head, “He was. I know when a guy’s going to ask a girl out. It was obvious with how he looked at you,” like I used to, he finishes his sentence in his head, sighing audibly. “He likes you.”

You shake your head. “No, he doesn’t.”

Felix shrugs, then turns to meet your eyes. “If he did ask you out, would you have said yes?”

The mood you two had going on earlier, light and fluffy–like a cloud–had disappeared, instead replaced with this fog of seriousness that made both of you feel unsettled.

You search Felix’s face, as he does yours, and you wonder how you forgot how his freckles looked like stars on his cheeks with imaginary constellations. Looking from one of his eyes to the other, you shake your head. “No.”

Felix can’t help the smile that ghosts over his face, and his eyes are so much brighter and filled with that emotion you hadn’t felt from him in so long.

“Why?” Now it’s your turn to ask the questions, except the air around you isn’t as suffocating anymore. “Why don’t you want me to go out with Chan?”

He holds in his breath, eyes slowly dropping from yours to your nose, chin, then his lap–his head falling a bit as well. He obviously knows why, it’s so blatant that he’s almost completely sure you know why too, the innocent and curious look in your optics the only thing telling him otherwise. “Because I-I…” He doesn’t get the words out and changes his answer. Maybe he wasn’t as ready as he thought. “I just don’t think he’s a good fit for you.”

You scoff. “You don’t get to have an opinion on that, Felix,” you remind him. What was up with him thinking he had any sort of authority over your relationship?

He starts the car, turning up the radio to a low pop song. He wants to ease the mood, make you laugh, or smile. He wants to say he still loves you. So he cracks a joke, “What does the baking soda say when he gets sad?” He waits for your confused shrug. “I'm sodapressed.”

You can’t help the snort you let out from suppressing your laughter. Felix feels thankful for the cheesy joke website he stumbled across a few days ago, because it allowed him to make you glow. “Jeez, that was so corny.”

“I’m just trying my best to make you loaf,” he says so smoothly that you don’t realize he’s made yet another pun until you think about his words, covering your mouth to hide your giggling fit. You weren’t one for cheesy jokes, but they were funny sometimes. “Hey, don’t cover your mouth, you’re pretty when you smile.”

He doesn’t realize what he said, focused too much on driving, but you do. It’s not the first time he’d told you those words, and you get the same fluttery feeling in your heart.

“Hey, don’t cover your mouth, you’re pretty when you smile.” He moved your palm down from your face. You were in your senior year of high school, and he had yet to ask you out.

You had flushed, giggling girlishly at his action. You had gotten used to covering your mouth because you were self-conscious about your smile, but Felix made that all melt away.

“There’s that beautiful smile!”

He asked you out later that day.

You had arrived at the bakery earlier than usual, taking the orders of the regulars. It had been a while since you’d worked an early shift–you weren’t even completely sure you were allowed to, but you’d missed it.

Minho arrives a quarter of an hour after you, pleased to see you, you assume from how he grins at you. “Nice to see you here early. Unless you’re working extra because of that polka-dotted ex of yours.” You can tell he’s still joking, so you laugh.

“Nope, I’m here of my own free will!” You grin, before thinking, “Actually, I don’t think he’s here yet.”

Minho nods as if that explains the bakery’s peace.

Not long after, Felix arrives, confused at the sight of you in your apron. You immediately freeze—forgetting about your mended relationship, your fight, or flight response activating because of the environment. It's almost as if you thought he'd just snap the moment he was in the bakery with you—but then again, that was the only way you'd seen him at the bakery for months now.

Felix notices your stiff behavior and drooping head, trying to make your hair cover your face as you continue working. So he does the most logical thing in his opinion—walking up to you to say hi.

“Hey [Y/N], good morning!” He smiles, hand on your head, gently petting your hair. He senses your uncertainty, and frowns, “I'm not mad, and you're not in trouble… I'm not like that anymore.” Read: I'm not a jerk who tries to deny his love for you anymore.

Your shoulders relax a bit, and you girl your head up to meet his eyes, your nerves disappearing when he smiles genuinely at you. “Yeah… right,” you chuckle, letting out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

Usually, Felix would just head to his office, work on some paperwork or bake in the back, but today he decides to mix it up. Today, he decides to change into his apron, and join you at the front, placing out cupcakes and muffins in the displays. He stays beside you, helping you take orders and giving you those shy, blushing smiles you hadn’t seen since before he asked you out.

Calm down, heart!

Of course, it doesn’t listen to you, continuing to palpitate double-time every time Felix looks at you.

You two keep that positive attitude, up until there are less than ten minutes before you all have to leave for the park, and Jeongin’s nowhere to be seen. Still, you know he’ll be there on time, so you don’t worry too much, at least not about that. Instead, you worry about after this competition. Would Felix go back to being a jerk once it was over? Would he hate you if you lost?

You’re stressing, hanging around, waiting for Jeongin to hurry up and arrive. Of course, you’re calmer than Felix, who’s yelling into his phone, enraged. His freckles are almost red with how furious he is.

“You have five minutes, or I swear, I don’t care how much our friendship means, I’m firing you!” He growls, and if it wasn’t so threatening and downright terrifying, it would be so damn attractive. “Don’t you dare disappoint me, Jeongin.”

He roughly clicks off the phone, slamming it down onto the truck hood. He runs his hand through his soft locks, tugging at them in hopes to relieve some stress—to no avail. When his eyes droop closed, only then do you realize how the circles under his eyes are darker than usual, and the color in his cheeks isn’t as golden as it usually is. Was he sick? Sleep-deprived?

You can’t help it when you shuffle over to him, “Hey, he’ll be here, don’t worry,” your soft, quiet voice trying to give him the reassurance you knew he needed.

He stares down at you in awe, and he hopes you can’t hear his heart pummeling in his chest. His eyebrows relax, their harsh arch disappearing under your gaze, and his scowl fades, instead replaced with wide eyes and barely parted lips. You’re so close to him, looking at him with those big, sparkly eyes of yours, and he thinks maybe Jeongin running late and getting pissed to the point his ears had turned red, might’ve been good luck in disguise.

He releases the breath he didn’t know he was holding, he nods, holding back his smile at the way you look concerned for him. How was he ever able to let you go? “Yeah, I know… Thanks.” He grins softly, flushing under your gaze.

You pat his shoulder gently, nodding. “Relax then,” you laugh, sensing his stiffness. He chuckles, and releases his tense shoulders, “There we go.”

He thinks, maybe now is a good time to pop the question. You’re both in good moods, and you seem to be giving him positive attention, those were good signs, right? He goes for it, taking a deep, shy breath before starting, “Hey, [Y/N]—” but starting is all he’s able to do, before he’s interrupted.

“I’m here! I’m on time!” The fox-like boy yells, out of breath and sweaty as he arrives. Ironically, the freckled baker thinks his timing is horrible, despite being there in two minutes out of the allotted five.

The shorter brunet nods disappointedly, “Fantastic. Everyone on board, we have less than twenty minutes to arrive on time. Otherwise, we lose by default.”

At that, everyone gets into their respective vehicles (trucks, cars, Han’s bike), and heads to the park. The ride is faster, Felix driving as fast as possible within legal limits, and you can’t help but think about how adorable he looks, concentrated seriously and dressed in a soft off-white apron with “Yellow Wood Cafékery” printed on it in yellow-brown vinyl. You’d never seen someone look both intimidating and sweet at the same time.

You two come to a red light, and Felix builds up his courage once more, pink cheeks and shaky voice in all, “So I was wonde—”

You slap his shoulder rapidly, “Hey, green light! Drive!” unaware of what he was about to ask you. Maybe that bit of luck he had earlier with you was the last of his supply. He sighs, stepping on the pedal and refocusing on the road, deciding his confession could wait.

It’s not more than five minutes when you two arrive, the others trailing behind you. There’s no time to waste as you rush up to the crickety, old stage, standing side by side with Felix, Han, Changbin, Jeongin, and Minho, the other bakery across from you. This was it, you’d finally know who won this year’s competition.

Hands interlocked, you all stand side-by-side, and you try not to think about how Felix’s fingers are almost interlocked with yours. Instead, you focus your attention on Chan and his beautiful bare face that you’re seeing for the first time. How could someone look so stunning without makeup on?

Chan feels your gaze and turns back to wink at you—a gesture that you’re accustomed to by now with how often he does it—-and smiles. He waits for you to give him one back, and once you do, he faces the front of the stage once more, taking his microphone simultaneously as the other two judges.

“Welcome back Bakers and our esteemed audience! Our annual competition has finally come to the end of this year’s season. We started with five bakeries, and cut it down to our two finalists. Give it up for Hole in One Doughnuts—this year’s extra-talented rookies—and Yellow Wood—our always surprising returning competitors,” Yeji announces animatedly, her smile radiating off the stage so brightly the front row can barely see.

Chan lifts his mic to his lips next, “After hours of comparison, contemplation, and decision-making, we’ve finally come to an agreement. But,” he pauses, “Before we get to that, we’d like to give a few observations we made throughout this past week.”

He turns to the other team first, greeting them quickly before starting his evaluation, “I don’t think any of us were expecting rookies in the top two, but you all surprised us. We’re glad to see how far you’ve come, and wish you the best of luck after this competition, with the hopes that we helped get your names out there a little more.”

They all nod, and you honestly hope they win for a few seconds. Then they all bow to Chan, thanking him for his kind words, and it’s Yellow Wood’s turn.

You feel a slight pressure on your hand, and you realize Felix is trying to reassure you, and that you had started to fidget with his fingers subconsciously out of nervousness. You squeeze him back, signaling something between “I’m fine” and “thank you”.

Chan steps in front of you, giving you his perfect eye smile that makes you wish you could fall in love with him. Unfortunately, he’s just too good to be true, and your heart seems to know that, as you don’t feel anything more than a slight crush for him. “Yellow Wood Cafékery has always been regarded as unique for its food and concepts, and it’s proved itself worthy of the good words once again. We hope we get to see you for a long time, inside and out of the competition.”

You all bow in thanks, and watch as Yeji passes Hyunjin the “Letter of Truth”. He opens it gracefully, staring happily at the words, “We are happy to announce that Yellow Wood has won once again, and will be receiving this year’s check of twenty-thousand dollars, as well as complimentary kitchenware, and an article about their win in the newspaper. As our second-place winners, Hole in One Doughnuts…”

You don’t hear the rest over the cheering crowd and your overjoyed teammates as you all jump around, hugging each other in glee. Say goodbye to the creaky bathroom floorboards and hello to the check bonus you always get after a win. You’re so caught up in the moment that it's only after he spins you around twice and hugs you to his chest that you realize Felix has separated from your group slightly.

His chest heaves from the exertion of spinning you in the air, and he’s too happy to care. “We won! If it weren’t for you, we couldn’t have done this. I’m so happy I could kiss you!” He beams, unable to hold in his pure feelings of love and happiness.

You freeze up in his arms, suddenly noticing how close you two truly are and how Felix seems to be leaning in. Closer and closer…

… Until he’s stopped for what feels like the millionth time today by your coworkers, who run to tackle you two in a tight bear-hug.

You can’t get how his lips were practically centimeters from each other out of your head, though. You had promised yourself that you wouldn’t go back down this road with Felix, but you wanted to, so, so badly. You wanted to push Han’s shoulders out of your way and pull those freckled cheeks to yours and just love Felix again.

But you don’t. You just watch him laugh and smile in accomplishment with expressions you know you’re making as well. You’d all worked so hard, and what better reward than it all paying off in the end?

Changbin whoops chaotically, barely catching his breath as he struggles to get his words out, “Do… D’you guys… wanna… eat out tonight…? I’m paying…!” all of you laughing at his lack of air in unison. Of course, none of you are about to turn down free food, especially because you all knew that Changbin was practically loaded.

——

Two hours later, you’ve all changed into more comfortable and presentable clothes. You all decide to carpool into two cars, Changbin with Minho and Jeongin, and Han driving you and Felix.

Felix feels his heart leap out his chest when he pulls up to your apartment complex, the familiar setting giving him butterflies. It gets even worse for him as you descend the stairs, jogging to the curb, dressed in your almost skinny jeans and a cropped t-shirt that fit you perfectly.

“Hi…” He flushes, breathless. You're not in anything fancy, but it had been so long since he'd seen you dressed casually with your hair and makeup done that he's completely enamored at the sight of you.

Jisung snickers in the back at Felix's pink cheeks, “Wow Felix, I haven't seen you look so flustered in a long time!” The boy's faux innocent tone eliciting a hearty giggle from you and a glare from Felix. “Hi [Y/N]!”

“Hey guys,” you smile, sliding into the passenger seat comfortably. You mentally thank Jeongin for giving it up, so you could sit in it. You may or may not check Felix out as well, wondering when he decided to get so toned that you could almost see his abs through his t-shirt.

Felix smiles as he notices you looking him up and down, deciding that if nothing else, you at least had some appreciation for his looks. “You ready to go?” and with a nod from you, Han revs the engine, taking off toward the restaurant,

Although everything is so different right now, he can’t help but remember your first date—before he had a car and his mom drove you both around. Your first date had been nothing extravagant; just a simple diner and worn-out jeans, but as two broke high school students, you thought it was the best. He remembers how you were too shy to hold his hand during the free screening of “Grease” at the park. If he could only turn back time…

Clearing the thoughts from his mind, he shakes his head. He can’t turn back time, so there’s no use in thinking like that. What he can do, however, is ask you for a second chance. He just hopes you’ll say yes.

You never really realized how loaded Changbin must be until you pull up to a Michelin-star rated restaurant and the men at the front are valet drivers. Why was he working at a bakery when he could afford this without breaking a sweat? “Wow, this place is… flashy. But, like, in all the right ways. I feel like I’m in a palace or something,” you gush, eyes sparkling at the intricately designed white walls and live classical orchestra.

Felix nods beside you, “Yeah, I think I’m underdressed,” he jokes, running a hand through his hair. A receptionist approaches you shortly, and he gives her the name of the hour, “Seo Changbin, party of six,” his voice smooth and deep, but you can hear the slight discomfort you associate with feeling almost out of place in this luxurious place. The lady nods, checking her list and guiding you all to an empty table by the windows, but not before sending Felix a more than friendly wink.

You shake your head at her not-so-subtle flirting, but seat yourself anyway. You were not going to get worked up over Felix, and you were not going to let the waitress’s flirting ruin your night.

The table has a gold chain chandelier you’re sure costs no less than four-thousand dollars on its own. The table itself is decorated from the legs up with intricate wood carvings and subtle marks of a metallic sheen, giving it a unique look of both metal and dark sepia wood. While the table-top is glazed in resin, an enhanced wooden pattern showing through the clear substance.

You look through one of the menus, gulping at the prices, before remembering that this won’t even dent Changbin’s wallet and ordering what your heart desires. You’d baked so much, it felt way too good for someone else to be cooking for you for a change. It’s only when you hear a familiar “Hey, [Y/N]!” that you tear your eyes from the pricey and absolutely gorgeous gourmet food.

“Chan? Hey! What’re you doing here?” Missing the way Felix’s expression drops at the other Australian’s arrival, you jump out of your seat. Of course, Chan just had to be here too, he thinks. You’re rather excited to see him, though, tugging him to sit with you.

The male chuckles and takes a seat beside you, waving at both Felix and Jeongin before answering, “The other judges and I always eat here after the competition. They’re just taking a while to get out of the car. Something about needing a better hair part or something,” and that makes you snort in utter amusement. “I didn’t expect to see you guys here, though. I mean, this place is super expensive.”

You nod, “We know. Luckily, we have a pretty rich friend treating us all to dinner tonight.”

Chan nods in understanding, about to leave when you stop him, “Do you guys want to join us? We have a few extra seats with your names on them.”

Please say no, please say no, please say no… The younger man’s thoughts yell. He had a foolproof plan, and now that Chan was here, he might as well toss it down the drain. Now Chan had the chance to ask you out, and Felix couldn’t stop him.

Despite his desperate pleas, the judge shrugs, and nods while muttering something along the lines of, “Sure, why not?”

Because I don’t want you flirting with the love of my life right beside me, Felix growls mentally. He backtracks for a second and scowls at the slightly shorter Australian when he realizes just how much he still loved you. If only he had better timing and had never left you, you’d be kissing him lovingly or holding his hand right in front of Chan’s annoyingly handsome face.

Regardless of his mental begging, Chan stays seated beside you, falling into conversation with you so easily that Felix is almost jealous. But, he wants to show you only his positive sides and tries to ignore it, playing a game on his phone instead to distract him. He doesn’t even notice Changbin’s arrival until they’re sitting in front of him and ordering. “Oh, I didn’t see you guys come in. Are you sure this is where we want to eat?”

They nod, your less than rich friends sending him silent death stares—they didn’t want to miss out on the chance to eat food they were otherwise unable to afford. “Yeah, I’m sure. Why? Do you not like it here?”

It’s only when Felix realizes that Yeji and Hyunjin are there too that he knows he’s not getting out of this situation—the situation being you stuck in a conversation with Chan that would likely last the entire night. He sighs, “No, this place looks great. I was just making sure.”

A Michelin-star restaurant was quite the experience, to say the least. Your drinks were constantly filled, and your plates were made to perfection in both taste and presentation. You were almost positive they had robot chefs at this point. “Wow, this is amazing!” You cheer, mouth stuffed full of naengmyeon, humming at the taste.

Felix beams at your happy expression, and for once, he doesn’t feel threatened or insecure around you, or anyone else for that matter. He doesn’t care that Chan stares at you the same way he does, or that you’re laughing with the others. All he feels is complete euphoria with just being around you—and he looks down at his lap, still grinning to himself.

And the dinner continues like that, light-hearted and friendly… until Hyunjin gets the bright idea to play truth or dare.

Now, you’d originally said no because who wants to play that childish game, right? Unfortunately, your entire table was curious about everyone’s darkest secrets and how far each other would go to complete a dumb dare. Who knew all your friends were fifth graders?

“… I dare Changbin to throw this dinner roll into that woman’s purse,” Jeongin snickers, pointing to a random, unsuspecting old woman’s fancy purse.

Changbin shrugs his shoulders, picking up a roll, aiming, and tossing it into her bag perfectly. With a proud smirk, he turns to you, “[Y/N], truth or dare?”

You freeze up, not only surprised he chose you, but startled because you were hoping to stay out of the game for longer than three rounds. preferring not to get kicked out of the restaurant, you settle with truth. “Truth.”

His eyes dart to Minho’s for a split second, but you catch it and quirk your brow, about to interrogate him when he stops you. “Are you in love with anyone?” The table erupts in a chorus of oohs, and you flush. So that’s why he looked at Minho—that punk. You shake your head no, but nobody believes your low-effort lie. “Ah ah ah, you chose truth, don’t lie to us.”

You glare at the second eldests, and sigh, nodding, “I am.”

Jisung pipes up, and you’re almost sure that your coworkers were born solely to be the banes of your existence, “With who?”

Your eyes instinctively glance at Felix, and you curse them for that when you hear Han and Changbin make sounds of realization, while the rest of your table stares at you expectantly. You shift uncomfortably, stammering, not ready to reveal your feelings, “Uh… um…”

“C’mon [Y/N], it’s not like we’ll make fun of you,” Minho pushes, his sly smirk making you wish you were anywhere else because you just know he knows. “Is it—”

“You already asked her a question,” Felix blurts, but his deep voice masks the awkward tone it carries. He clears his throat, “Changbin already asked her a question, she answered. It’s her turn to ask now.”

You secretly thank him, because you didn’t know what you would do had Minho finished. You could practically hear him taunting you with Felix’s name. Even if now was a good time to get revenge on one of your annoying, pain-in-the-behind friends, you’re tired of their childish antics and you’d be damned if you weren’t beginning to miss your bed. “Actually guys, I think I’m gonna head out. I’ll see you all at the baker tomorrow.”

They all frown, hugging you goodbye—save for Chan, Felix, Hyunjin, and Jeongin—and wishing you a safe trip. Felix can’t help but think it’s his fault you're leaving as his eyes trail after your figure. He doesn’t even notice Han’s curious voice talking to him until they wave a hand in front of his face, “Truth or dare?”

He barely mumbles truth, his vision still trained on your slowly fading shadow around the corner, and doesn’t hear the question as he grabs his jacket, throws down a few bills, and heads out after you. He does, however, hear the table’s wolf whistles that make him flush.

He jogs after you, sighing in relief when he sees that you’re okay, and offers his jacket to you. You jump, startled, a hand on your chest and the other in a fist, ready to square up with whoever wanted to try you. “Felix! You scared the crap out of me!”

His resonant laugh fills the cool air around you, and he motions the jacket towards you once more. “Aren’t you cold? Your sleeves are pretty short,” he urges, unfolding the article and placing it gently over your shoulders.

You pick at your nails, nodding, hoping your cheeks aren’t as red as they are warm, “Thanks, but what are you doing out here? Why aren’t you in the restaurant?” confusion overtaking your tone as you stroll beside him. You almost forgot how tall Felix looked beside you.

He shrugs his shoulders, lacing his arms behind his head in a carefree way, unintentionally flexing his gorgeous arms you had yet the pleasure of staring at. “I wanted to walk you home,” he says honestly, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. “It’s fine if I do, right?”

Arms crossing to hold his jacket tighter on your shoulders as you enjoy the warmth and shyly bask in his scent, you nod a bit too quickly. It was almost like you two were together again. You let out a gusty bit of air, loosening your hold a bit, your gentle smile waning at the recollection that you two aren’t close friends, lovers, or anything besides exes who came to a recent truce, and you remind yourself of your “No More Felix” resolution—meaning no more Felix romantically, of course.

You stare at the concrete under your shoes, kicking rocks as you walk atop it. “Hey Felix, what did you pick in there?”

“Hm?”

“I heard Han ask you truth or dare, what did you pick?” you clarify, biting the inside of your cheek as you peer up at him, scanning his face for something.

He thinks for a moment and snaps his fingers when he remembers his half-conscious response, “Truth. Why?”

“What did they ask you?”

“I don’t know,” he studies your expression, puzzled by your sudden interest in the game he recalled you saying was “immature and dramatic” once while you two were dating in college. “Do you want to ask me something?”

You nod. “Why did we break up? I know you answered this before but… that was a lie, right?” Is that genuine hope in your voice, in your eyes? What are you hoping for? He wonders if his answer will let him know.

He sighs, smacking his throat with his palm whilst clearing it. “I…” he trails off, eyes directed at the sky as his mind turns up empty because, in truth, he had no idea. He’d never thoroughly thought about why before, always giving half-baked answers and chalking it up to the most common reasons, but none of them were true.

Despite the bumps and difficulties, everything was still just as good as it was when you two started dating. So then, why had he done it?

He sucks in a breath, searching every inch of his brain until the rumors come back up. He never paid them too much attention because he knew they weren’t true, but something about them tugged at his chest in an extremely uncomfortable way.

Most of them had surrounded him and Mina, some bakers suggesting that he had either left you for her, or that he was going behind your back. And while they were untrue, they always made him question your relationship—or more accurately, question whether you were still confident in him. He always had the nagging feeling that you believed part of the rumors, that you had less trust in him than when they first arose, and one day he snapped when he heard a new one.

Someone had been whispering about you and one of the baristas being into each other, and that you were only holding back because you were loyal to Felix, and he couldn’t take it anymore.

No matter how hard he tried to forget, not to think about it and told himself it was just gossip, he couldn’t get any of it out of his mind. This… insecurity of his was deeply rooted in him from the start, and he concluded that ending your relationship would be better than being surrounded by tidbits and scandals.

You sigh loudly, kicking a stone into the storm drain beside you, “You don’t have to answer. I mean, you saved me from answering back there, so you have no obligations to.”

He pulls himself out of his thoughts, watching the ground with shiny eyes—the guilt and anxiety from his assessment bringing up bottled and buried emotions. He swallows deeply, “Let’s make a deal. If I answer your question, I get to ask you something. Deal?”

You stop walking, still in your spot a few steps ahead of where his feet were grounded firmly on the sidewalk, hands tucked in his pockets and eyes fixed on you. You nod slowly, your curiosity outweighing whatever he may ask, “Deal.”

“I broke up with you because of the rumors,” he starts, fingers pulling at the loose threads inside his jeans. “I thought that maybe you didn’t trust me anymore because of them—or that you wouldn’t eventually. And there was one about you and some guy, and I just broke. I knew none of them were true, but I thought that maybe it would be easier to end it all by ending us… Long story short, I was insecure about where we stood with each other.” He finally finishes, sounding almost mournful. He wipes his eyes, drying them before a tear has a chance to slip out, and breathes in a calming way.

You nod, knowing that it was no longer a mystery to you why your first love broke your heart. You take a small step towards him, rubbing your hands over your arms from the chilly breeze that gushes over you. “You know I never doubted you or us for a second, right? The rumors bugged me too, but I knew they were just lies someone made up.”

He nods, smiling bitter-sweetly because he’s both enthralled by the way you stare at him and humiliated to admit why he ruined the best thing he ever had. With a sniffle, he starts again, “I know, thanks.”

“So, what did you want to ask me?” you wonder out loud, restarting your relaxed trek to your not too far apartment.

He prepares himself and opens his mouth to ask when a car skirts by, honking loudly as to warn you that he may accidentally steer off the road—and considering his pace, you both jump back, Felix shielding your body beneath his without a second thought. When the engine’s loud roaring finally fades out, you two separate, chests thumping from exhilaration.

You hold your hands to your chest, right above your heart, and let out a loud breath, laughing, “Sorry, I didn’t catch that. Can you repeat your question?” adrenaline still pumping through your veins as you grin and huff, all but excited from your close encounter. Call yourself crazy, but hearing someone speed by you with their music blasting was one way to get your heart pumping.

Felix shakes his head, “I’ll ask you later. For now, let’s get away from this street,” chuckling and running down the street with you next to him, real smiles on both your faces.

You two throw short stories and odd memories with each other the entire way to your building, not even batting an eye as you trod up the stairwell to your apartment in the corner of the hall until you see the large, bold numbers above your door.

“So…” you sway back and forth on the balls of your feet, “I guess this is the end of our little walk, huh?”

Felix nods, his cheeks in pain from smiling so much in the fifteen minutes you two took to walk you home, “Yeah… I guess it is.”

“Well, I had a lot of fun hanging out with you. I’m really happy we’re on good terms with each other now,” you muse, unlocking your door and standing in the doorway. “Oh, we almost forgot. You still have your question.”

He gives you a soft look, and steps closer to you, hands retracting from their denim confines and twiddling each other’s thumbs as his lips part in an awkward laugh. “This is kind of a weird question… but do you think we’d work out if we gave it another shot?”

Your eyes widen more than Felix believed humanly possible, and he’s about to take back his question when you respond, “I don’t know… but I’d like to think we would,” cheeks rosy as you look into his dark, cocoa-colored irises. To heck with your “No More Felix” resolution. Your heart didn’t want to listen to you anyway.

He closes the gap between you two, looming over you like he had so many times while angry—except this time he’s nervous and giddy like a teenager. Licking his lips and releasing one more nervous giggle, he finally pushes out, “Would you go out on a date with me? I promise I won’t mess it up again, if you give me one more chance.” His eyes are big and begging.

You nod, and he hesitantly places his hands on your biceps, checking your face for any looks of disapproval. When he doesn’t find any, he leans in, finally taking your lips in his for the first kiss he’d had since you broke up.

It’s sweet, innocent even, yet slow and full of emotions—mostly positive ones that give Felix the confidence to wrap his arms around your back and hold you close, smiling into the kiss. Eventually, you two pull apart—courtesy of Felix’s uncontrollable giggles and grins.

Instinctively, your finger comes up to graze your bottom lip, and you pinch yourself to make sure this isn’t a dream you’d wake up from in the morning. The tiny sensation of pain tells you it’s real, and you silently squeal in happiness. Maybe you didn’t mind being hung up on Felix anymore.

His hands are still on yours, where they’d found warmth sometime within your kiss, and he gradually releases them, sighing in content. “Well, I’ll pick you up at five tomorrow… See you then!” he kisses your forehead one last time before he turns to leave, covering that spot that used to remind you of painful memories, ready to replace them with new ones.

You wave to him girlishly, the same feelings from your high school years of crushing on him taking over your personality as you nod cheerily, “Okay! Goodnight!” waiting for his jovial response of “Goodnight [Y/N]!” before shutting your door and sliding down the back like in all those rom-coms.

At the sound of your shut door, he allows himself to jump and punch the air in victory, his eyes squishing into sideways parentheses in bliss.

He’d have to thank Seungmin for knocking some sense into him.

Positive note | Navigation | Taglist

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[octerminal]

Avoiding the ME1 LI Romances

...And also what to do if you’ve already triggered them.

This is a post I’ve been wanting to remake forever, and with the remaster around the corner I thought now was a good time to finally get on it.

A few things first: I say “avoiding the ME1 LI romances”, but in reality this is mostly going to be about Kaidan and Ashley. While there are a few ways around Liara’s romance I’ve discovered, I have never been able to find a simple way to avoid triggering it. (I’ll get to that later.)

This post will be split into three sections: Kaidan, Ashley, and Liara. Kaidan and Ashley’s sections specifically will go over how to avoid triggering their romances entirely, and then the dialogue choices you need to take if you want to end the romance if it’s already been triggered. I have also included a few bonus things for the both of them, such as avoiding the flirting during the scenic view cutscene in the Citadel Wards. For Kaidan specifically, I have also included content about his mechanics in ME3.

Please note that most of these have been accomplished on console. I have gotten several PC users who do attest that, at the very least, Kaidan’s portion works for them. But on the off-chance that platform influences other parts of Kaidan’s, or Ashley and Liara’s, I thought it was worth mentioning. It should also be said that, obviously, these are all using the original games as a basis, though I am not expecting MELE to change any of this.

I will also be using both my Kaidan transcript and Ashley transcript as reference for their dialogue. I recommend following along there if you find Tumblr’s formatting confusing.

Final note before we begin: this post is not an open invitation to hate on any of these characters. ME1 is turning 14 this year and ME3 recently turned 9. Anything you have to say about these characters and their romance mechanics has already been beaten to death, brought back to life, and beaten to death again. No one wants to hear it, least of all me. Please keep your comments to yourself and be civil.

KAIDAN

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Kaidan’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Kaidan will prompt the conversation, as he will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as his romance remains active. This conversation will be about his time at Brain Camp. You can read the conversation in his transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

KAIDAN: Commander, do you have a minute?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

KAIDAN: Off the record, I think there’s something wrong here. This Saren is looking for records on some kind of galactic extinction, but we can’t get backup from the Council? Sorry, Commander. There’s writing on the wall here, but someone isn’t reading it.

SHEPARD: (Again, you may choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: I hear ya. It - It just seems like a group that’s been around as long as the Council should see this coming. It’s funny. We finally get out here and the final frontier was already settled. And the residents don’t even seem impressed by the view...or the dangers.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Zip it, Lieutenant.): I’m sure your letters home are very poignant. Just keep this kind of sentimentality out of the CIC.

KAIDAN: Yes, ma’am. Sorry to have wasted your time. I’m right about the mission, though. I know it. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

SHEPARD (Paragon - Cute way to look at it./Neutral - An old-fashioned view.): Well, well. You’re a romantic. Did you sign on “for the dream,” Alenko? Secure man’s future in space?

KAIDAN: Heh, yeah, I read a lot of those books when I was a kid. Where the hero goes to space to prove himself worthy of a woman he loves. Or, you know. For justice. Maybe I was a romantic in the beginning. But I thought about it after Brain Camp - ah, sorry, “Biotic Acclimation and Temperance training.” I’m not looking for “the dream.” I just want to do some good. See what’s out here. Sorry if I got too informal. Protocol wasn’t a big focus back in BAaT.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just be ready.): I trust you won’t have any questions when whatever’s coming hits the fan?

KAIDAN: None. I’m not questioning the mission. I’m just concerned. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation will end here and his romance will not trigger.)

The final chance to cut off Kaidan’s romance before it triggers happens after Shepard asks him about Brain Camp. This opens up a lot of investigation options and you may exhaust all of them. If you want to avoid hearing Kaidan imply that he thinks your Shepard is attractive, avoid the “Time to talk, then./Time to “get physical,” then.” investigation options. Once Kaidan is done speaking about Brain Camp, you will get one final chance to avoid his romance.

>THIRD CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

KAIDAN: Anyway. This was supposed to be a casual debrief, not a bull session about stuff that happened years ago.

SHEPARD (Renegade - You’re right.): I pretty much gave up waiting for the good part.

KAIDAN: Bad habit, ma’am. I do tend to run off at the mouth. I will work on it for my next review. Sorry to have wasted your time, ma’am. It won’t happen again. (The conversation ends and his romance does not trigger.)

You will notice all of these are renegade options. There is literally no way around this if you want to avoid triggering Kaidan’s romance. You don’t get any renegade points from them, and Kaidan does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Kaidan’s romance remains active. Conversations between him and Shepard will end like this:

SHEPARD: We’ll talk later, Kaidan.

KAIDAN: I’d like that.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

The good news is that getting out of the romance is fairly simple. The game gives you a lot of opportunities before it triggers the love triangle with Liara (assuming her romance has also been triggered, anyway).

If Kaidan’s romance was triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of his second and third post-main mission talks. These are a bit more complex to transcribe, so I really recommend just reading them in my transcription if you need the exact dialogue options to understand.

But the gist: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end his romance. You are almost never going to end his romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. He will always prompt this conversation by wondering if he’s gotten his signals mixed up, if there’s someone else you’d rather spend time with, if he’s being too casual, etc. Once he does this, just shoot him down with a renegade dialogue option.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. He will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an example. This one occurs in his second post-main mission talk if Liara’s romance hasn’t been triggered:

KAIDAN: I’m just saying...try to leave yourself a way out. I’ve seen what cutting corners can do and I’d hate to have that happen to you, Shepard. Commander.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I don’t need approval.): I’m your commanding officer, Alenko. Are you questioning the way I handle things?

KAIDAN: No, Commander. Just concerned about the reception of the brass if things go sour. I apologize for bringing it up. I know we’re getting the job done.

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever response you like; they all lead to the romance ending.)

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Kaidan after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Kaidan’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “renegade” Kaidan’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go like this:

KAIDAN: So yeah, I hated that turian. But he wasn’t “a turian” to me. He was Vyrnnus.

SHEPARD (Renegade - All turians are the same.): You can’t deny the turians are imperialists. And the asari, the salarians - they’re manipulators.

KAIDAN: Shepard, I outgrew the blame game years ago. If the Alliance is missing its chance, it’s because of men like Udina. Not the rest of the galaxy holding it back.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’m not so sure.): When anyone out here listens to us, the Council starts up with their treaties and heel-dragging. We can only rely on ourselves.

KAIDAN: We’re not doing the galaxy any favors if we try to force our way into a seat at the grown-up table. They aren’t - malicious. They’re just slow to change. My story doesn’t get any better if Vyrnnus is a good guy.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Whose side are you on?): I don’t need you kissing the Council’s asses, too.

KAIDAN: Look, Shepard. You’re in command, and we’ll all follow your lead. But don’t ream me out for having an opinion. I thought we respected each other more than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I can’t respect this.): I can’t believe you’d side with aliens over your own kind. I think we’re done here.

KAIDAN: Yeah, I think we are. It’s--It’s too bad we...It’s just too bad, Commander.

This argument will end his romance. He will also not be renegaded. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end his romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious, and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Kaidan will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, his romance. It is entirely possible to not have him flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want him to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Kaidan’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Kaidan’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Kaidan for the rest of the game.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIM FLIRTING WITH ME IN THE HOSPITAL THOUGH?”

I have tested both of these personally multiple times and they have always worked for me, but again: see my warning about different platforms at the beginning of this post. If it doesn’t work for you, please let me know.

If you have not romanced Kaidan previously: don’t buy him the alcohol as a present. That’s it.

If you have romanced Kaidan previously: on Mars, tell him your relationship is over. It is a renegade dialogue option, but it is necessary to avoid the flirtation in the hospital. This route also means that you can buy him the alcohol and he will still not flirt with you.

Please note that going renegade on Mars does not lock you out of his romance. It merely prevents him from assuming you’re interested during your hospital visit.

ME3 BONUS: “OKAY, WHAT ABOUT HIS APOLLO’S PROPOSITION THOUGH?”

This only happens if you have not locked in your romance with your preferred love interest first. For Garrus, this is the bottle shooting date. For Tali and Traynor, it’s inviting her up to your cabin. For Liara and Miranda, it’s her Presidium date. So on and so forth.

This means there is no way around it if you romanced Jacob or Thane and do not want to pursue a different romance after them. If you do get this scene: again, just turn him down. It is never brought up again. He does not act like he’s in love with you going forth. You will get his unromanced date in the Citadel DLC, as well as his unromanced London goodbye.

ASHLEY

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

Ashley’s romance can be triggered after the first main mission has been completed. For many players, I imagine this is Therum, but it really doesn’t matter which mission it is.

Ashley will prompt the conversation, as she will for every other post-main mission conversation so long as her romance remains active. This conversation will be about her concerns about the aliens aboard the Normandy.

Note: Ashley has one less opportunity to avoid triggering her romance in the first post-main mission talk compared to Kaidan. You may also read the conversation in her transcript if you find it easier to follow along, though I have done my best to format this post as cleanly as possible.

ASHLEY: Commander. You have a minute to talk?

SHEPARD: (You can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It makes no difference yet.)

ASHLEY: I know things are different aboard the Normandy, but - I'm concerned about the aliens. Vakarian and Wrex. With all due respect, Commander, should they have full access to the ship?

SHEPARD: (Again, you can choose whatever dialogue option you want. It still makes no difference yet.)

>FIRST CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: This is the most advanced ship in the Alliance Navy. I don't think we should give them free reign to poke around the vital systems. Engines. Sensors. Weapons.

SHEPARD (Side - You're out of line!): That's enough, Chief. You always second-guess your superiors?

ASHLEY: Sir! No, sir! I'm sorry. I was out of line. I'll get back to my duties, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

If you do not pick the above option, Ashley will elaborate her stance further until you get to the dialogue wheel with the second (and final) chance to avoid her romance.

>SECOND CHANCE TO AVOID THE ROMANCE<

ASHLEY: My family's defended the Alliance since it was founded. My father, my grandfather, my great-grandmother - they all picked up a rifle and swore the Oath of Service. I guess we just tend to think of Earth's interests as our own.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Just shut up.): I expect you to keep your family politics to yourself, Chief. The mission will be difficult enough without you picking fights with aliens.

ASHLEY: Aye, aye, Commander. (The conversation will end and her romance will not trigger.)

Note: You can still pick the investigation dialogue options that discusses her service and family history. You just have to pick the renegade dialogue option outlined above afterward, instead of any other option.

Like with Kaidan, you do not get any renegade points for picking this option and Ashley does not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

Here is an easy way to tell if Ashley’s romance remains active. Conversations between her and Shepard will end with the following:

SHEPARD: We'll talk later, Williams.

ASHLEY: Looking forward to it, sir.

“I’VE ALREADY TRIGGERED IT, HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS?”

Admittedly, you have fewer easy opportunities to end Ashley’s romance than you do Kaidan’s, and most of the early game ones require Liara’s romance also being active. You are still offered multiple different opportunities out before the game ends, however.

If Ashley and Liara’s romances are both triggered, you will have an opportunity at the beginning of Ashley’s second and third post-main mission talks to end the romance. The gist is the same as Kaidan’s: You can’t go wrong with choosing the renegade dialogue options. This is always the dialogue option that will end her romance. You are almost never going to end her romance with a paragon or neutral dialogue option. She will always prompt this conversation by bringing up your relationship with Liara. Once she does this, just shoot her down.

Again: you get no renegade points from this. She will not treat you negatively in the ensuing post-main mission talks.

In both the second and third post-main mission talks, the conversation will go something like:

ASHLEY: Surprised to see you here, sir. Thought you’d be chatting up what’s-her-name. T’Soni.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here; they both lead to the same dialogue branch.)

ASHLEY: Scuttlebutt says you’ve got a bit of a thing for her. I could understand why. The crew’s off-limits, with the regs against fraternization. And at least she looks like a woman.

SHEPARD: (Pick the neutral or renegade dialogue option here. They both end the romance.)

One of the easier exceptions to this that doesn't require Liara’s romance being active is in the second post-main mission talk when Ashley gets Sarah’s vid-mail. It will go like this:

SARAH: - Oh, before I go. You said you’re serving with Commander Shepard now? We saw him on the news here. He’s cute! Later, sis.

ASHLEY: Tell me you didn’t hear that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - That’s unprofessional.): I don’t need to tell you it’s inappropriate to gossip about how “cute” your commanding officer is.

ASHLEY: No, sir. You don’t. Sorry about that. It won’t happen again. (Conversation and romance ends.)

Please note, however, that this will lock you out of the remainder of the conversation and you will not learn about Ashley’s family.

If you have repeatedly not broken off the romance with Ashley after a certain point and Liara’s romance is also active, it will trigger the love triangle scene. This is one of the last points you have to break off Ashley’s romance, but it will lock you into Liara’s romance instead. If you are wanting a no-romance run, I recommend choosing one of the other options instead.

There is also a separate way to end the romance outside these three opportunities. In the third post-main mission talk, you must pick the dialogue option that triggers the argument that can “paragon” Ashley’s opinion on the Council. You must not choose the charm or intimidate option here, and you must then pick the renegade dialogue options. The conversation should go something like this:

ASHLEY: But hey, once we save the galaxy, maybe the Alliance will get its act together. Start acting like an actual government.

SHEPARD (Paragon - The Alliance is all right.): The Alliance isn’t perfect, but it does well enough.

ASHLEY: Have to disagree with you there, skipper. Giving aliens the run of our most advanced ship? Kowtowing to the Council?

SHEPARD (Paragon - It’s not like that.): The Alliance should be able to stand on is own. We can’t. Yet. Why not learn from the races that have been standing for the last thousand years?

ASHLEY: How can you say that, given everything we’ve seen out here? They’re already acting like Saren is our problem. Already siccing us on the bear. The Council races will always think of themselves first. It’s - human nature. We can’t afford to trust them. Not if the survival of humanity is on the line.

SHEPARD (Renegade - I’ve heard enough.): Whatever feelings I might have for you, we have to work with the Council. I can’t let you second-guess our superiors.

ASHLEY: Shepard, I’m a soldier. You’re my commander. If you give me an order, I’ll follow it. I don’t expect you to treat me differently from anyone else under your command. And if you have been - quit it. I thought you knew me better than that.

SHEPARD (Renegade - Do I?): Seems like every time we run up against aliens, you whip out the “Earth first” card. I can’t have my authority undermined.

ASHLEY: I never intended to “undermine” you, Shepard. I believe in you. I wish you’d believe in anyone but yourself. With your permission, sir, I’ll return to my duties.

This argument will end her romance. She will also not be paragoned. This is obviously a much more convoluted way to end her romance, but I’m throwing the option out there because it’s 1) hilarious (that final line, oof), and 2) way more dramatic, if you want to roleplay ending the romance for whatever reason.

MISCELLANEOUS

Like with Kaidan, depending on the dialogue options you take for the scenic view on the Citadel, Ashley will always flirt with you. This does not lock you into, or even trigger, her romance. It is entirely possible to not have her flirt with you at all in this scene, and still initiate the romance later. But if you do not want her to flirt with you, simply do this:

[image ID: ME1’s subtitles showing Ashley saying “Or maybe they just don’t like humans.” with the dialogue wheel below it giving the following dialogue choices, starting from the top: “What’s not to like?”, “Let’s move out.”, and “That’s enough, you two.” end ID]

When you get to this part of the scenic view cutscene, choose any dialogue option but the top “What’s not to like?” one.

Also like with Kaidan, even if you’ve already avoided or shut down Ashley’s romance, Liara will still ask if there’s something between the two of you if her romance is active. Tell her that there isn’t (because there isn’t). Her saying this does not re-trigger Ashley’s romance.

Congratulations, you have now survived ME1’s romance mechanics. Enjoy experiencing unromanced Ashley for the rest of the game.

LIARA

“I WANT TO AVOID TRIGGERING IT ENTIRELY, WHAT DO I DO?”

As I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I have found no easy way around Liara’s romance. If anyone else has, I genuinely mean it when I say I would absolutely be open to you telling me, because I would love to know.

The only way to avoid triggering Liara’s romance that I have found are the following:

Simply not talking to her for most of the game (not ideal)

Completing Therum only after you’ve done at least two main missions (also not ideal since it will require Noveria being completed without her)

Completing Therum only after all the other main missions have been completed (again not ideal, though every player should at least do this once if only for the unique content you get from it)

Okay, so what if you want to complete Therum first but still avoid Liara’s romance? I have found one way to accomplish this, but it requires you to be in a romance with Kaidan (or presumably Ashley, but I have only tested this with Kaidan).

After you recruit Liara, you may check up on her in the med-bay but do not initiate conversation after that. If she prompts you by saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander,” do not pick the yellowed dialogue option:

[image ID: ME1′s subtitles showing Liara saying, “I get the feeling you want to ask me something, Commander.” with the dialogue wheel showing the following options: “Investigate”, a yellowed option above “Investigate” labeled “I’d like to talk about you.”, and “Goodbye.” end ID.]

After you complete another main mission, you can check back in with Liara and speak to her normally. This conversation should be the one you’d normally get after Therum, where you learn about why she likes archaeology and how she finds Shepard fascinating.

After you complete another main mission, you must talk to Kaidan or Ashley first. To clarify: at this point you should be at the post-third main mission mark. For Kaidan, you will be getting the “Vyrnnus and Rahna” talk that you can read in his transcript; for Ashley, you will be getting the “Williams Curse” talk that you can read in her transcript.

After you speak with Kaidan or Ashley, you may speak with Liara as normal. This conversation should be picking up on where you left off last time. Liara will talk about how she’s looked into Shepard’s history and Shepard can press her for why she’s so interested in them. Liara should then say something like the following lines:

LIARA: I admit, your connection to the Protheans had something to do with my initial interest. But it has grown beyond that. My interest in you, however, is strictly professional. I want to make that clear. It is obvious you and Lt. Alenko already have some type of relationship. I would not want to come between you.

Her romance will not trigger for the rest of the game.

Please note: Again, I have only tested this with Kaidan. But it should, in theory, work the exact same for Ashley considering many of hers and Kaidan’s other romance mechanics are identical.

“THAT’S NICE, BUT HOW DO I END HER ROMANCE IF IT’S ALREADY TRIGGERED?”

You will follow the same steps as in Kaidan and Ashley’s portions. When she prompts you with whether or not there’s anything between the two of you, you must turn her down. You can never go wrong with the renegade dialogue options here. Again: you get no renegade points for it, and Liara treats you no differently going forth.

She will also usually bring up Kaidan or Ashley depending on what Shepard you are playing, and mention that it seems like there’s something between the two of you even when you do not have their romance active. If you aren’t romancing the VS, just tell her that she’s got it wrong, because...she does. It does not re-trigger either of their romances.

YES I AM ALMOST DONE TALKING

The game really does give you ample opportunities to avoid or end the romances (which is only fair considering how easy they are to trip), so hopefully I have outlined at least one you are comfortable taking.

There are other ways to end both Kaidan and Ashley’s romance that I did not mention (such as during the locker scene, or if you try to un-paragon/renegade) - the point of no return you mainly have to worry about is en route to Ilos. I imagine most players will have their romances sorted out by then, though, so I’m not sure it’s worth mentioning unless you’re wanting to do it purely for roleplay reasons. (In which case: you may read those in their respective transcripts if you’re curious.)

I cannot say I have tested every single romance cut-off, but I have tested most of the important ones players are most likely to take. I am assuming the romances are cut off based on the fact Shepard and the VS’ farewells will change depending on their romanced status (as I outlined in their respective sections), which I do feel is a safe bet. But if you try one of these and find that it did not end the romance: I’m sorry, and please do let me know (and also what platform you play on).

If you read all of this: thank you for your time, and I hope you find this guide useful!

#mass effect #kaidan alenko #ashley williams #liara t'soni #shenko #shepley #shiara #okay perhaps this post will show up in the tags eventually but it certainly is not for now #which makes this post utterly pointless but whatever hopefully it still gets spread around #edit: this post is showing up in the tags now thanks everyone who reblogged!

[aspoonofsugar]

Why don't you like how Sun and Blake's relationship has been handled?

Hello!

Well, simply because it has not really been handled (at least imo) and that is the problem :’’’)

I think Sun as a character suffers from the same problem Adam has... aka they could not decide what role they wanted him to have in the story and so it ends up damaging the character.

Or to better say, they probably knew what kind of role Sun (and Adam) had to have, but they tried to convey/realize too many things with him and the end result is not the best.

First of all, I think Bumbleby was supposed to be the end result since the beginning:

Black the beast descends from shadows. Yellow beauty burns gold.

The Beauty and the Beast motif is linked to Blake and Yang since the red trailer. Moreover, Yang losing her arm because of Adam is something foreshadowed in the Yellow Trailer:

Scathing eyes ask that we be symmetrical, one sided and easily processed. Yet every misshapen spark's unseen beauty is greater than its would be judgement.

And in general, the Black and Yellow Trailers set up Blake and Yang’s foiling. Blake runs away from a conflict and disappears as a shadow, while Yang runs into a conflict and rises as the sun:

To top it off they are also each other’s partners, so there is no reason to think their fight with Adam in Mistral and its implications were not planned since the beginning.

And I am not even mentioning all the songs like BMBLB (vol 4 I think) and All That Matters (volume 5).

That said, Blake and Sun do receive a lot of romantic teasing, which is never really solved, was unnecessary and imo blurried both the set-up of Bumbleby and Sun’s character arc.

BLACK SUN - ROMANTIC TEASING

A quick recap of the romantic teasing between Blake and Sun, just in case.

Sun starts flirting with Blake the moment he sees her, Blake goes to the dance with him and blushes at him during the Vytal Festival (while a love song is playing, but we’ll get back to this song later):

After this, we have Blake and Sun’s interactions in volume 4 and 5. In these volumes, Blake stops showing any form of romantic interest in Sun (I think, it has been a while though), but it is implied Sun still has feelings for Blake:

Every smile, every glance Could be another chance That you'll finally see The love that is me So until that time I'll follow every day Every step of the way And continue to say Go where you need to Know I won't leave you I'll follow you like morning follows night

At the same time, though, their interactions are full of jokes/tropes usually found in slap-stick comedies...(btw this is also why the discourse about Blake “being abusive” for slapping Sun or Sun “being creepy” for stalking Blake is missing the context imo). Like, meeting the parents with the mother teasing the relationship and the father disliking the partner is a romantic trope.

LOVE TRIANGLE OR UNREQUIRED LOVE?

I don’t think the problem is that there is romantic teasig between Sun and Blake, but that nothing is really done with it.

The way I see it, there could have been two ways to solve this.

1) The classic love triangle.

You have two characters fall for the same person and in the end the person chooses one.

This trope is often considered cheap, but it really does not have to be. The way to have it work is to actually give the choice of the partner a thematic meaning... basically the protagonist of the triangle is not just choosing a partner, but a specific ideal or way of living.

For example, in the Twilight Saga (yep, we are using Twilight examples) Bella choosing Edward over Jacob is not just about choosing a boyfriend. It is about choosing the life of a vampire over that of a human.

Similarly, Katniss choosing Peeta over Gale in the Hunger Game is her choosing a specific ideology over another.

Like, triangles are actually pretty common in narratives, even when they are not romantic. In Arcane, we have Jinx having to choose between Vi and Silco and Vi will probably have to choose between Jinx and Cait. Similarly, in the X-Men- Days of a Future Past, there is Raven that must choose between Doctor Xavier’s way of life or Eric’s.

Now, the problem with the Blake-Yang-Sun situation... is that Sun does not really represent an alternative way of life compared to Yang. If anything, Adam does and Blake chooses Yang as a sign of her growth.

So, I think the point of Sun and Blake is actually the trope of unrequired loved.

It is actually pretty much stated in the two Black Sun’s songs mentioned above.

In Like Morning Follows Night, there is this:

See, you'll never understand What I feel, what I see (...) Trying to search for this happiness Lost in the lights But it seems that it's all Just out of my sight Just out of my reach, Can't seem to get it right Like I'm cursed with this turbulence (...) Yet I still believe in you Every breath, every word Every smile, every glance Could be another chance That you'll finally see The love that is me

While Not Fall in Love with You is basically an unrequired love song:

Girl of my dreams you would make my life complete But you're a distant dream to me Then I know and I know that you're-- Out of my league How could it ever be? What am I supposed to do- Just sit here and not fall in love with you?

The theme of unrequired love is also the one that fits Blake’s story the best. She is recovering from an abusive relationship with a possessive boyfriend, who is ready to kill her and her loved ones. Because of this, someone like Sun that openly flirts with Blake, but who is ready to help her selflessly and lets her go once he realizes Blake has feelings for another person... could be a great part of Blake’s healing plot-line (and he still is).

However, even if this is clearly what the authors were aiming for, it still does not come across as strongly for two reasons.

a) At Beacon Blake shows some kind of interest in Sun.

b) Sun’s unrequired feelings and him giving up on Blake are never fully addressed.

a)

Ok, here we arrive at what I mentioned at the beginning aka how I think that the writers tried to do too many things with Blake and Sun’s relationship. They should have probably only focused on the unrequired love trope. However, they chose to do two additional things with Black Sun (imo).

TEEN IMMATURE LOVE

I think the writers have decided to use the Vale arc as some kind of happy childhood/adolescent phase arc:

Ren: It's been a long time. We've all grown in our own ways.

Ruby: You really think so?

Ren: Well, think back to when we were all at Beacon, would you say you ever did anything foolish or embarrassing? Or do you think you were perfect?

When it comes to love, they probably wanted to explore the idea of teen love and crushes, both very common in adolscence.

Have you noticed that (with the exception of Renora and maybe Emercury) none of the characters actually go to the dance with their true partner/love interest?

Jaune tries to go with Weiss and finally asks Pyrrha out. However, despite their relationship being deep, Pyrrha dies in volume 3 hence if Jaune has a final love interest, it won’t be her.

Ruby goes alone and states she dislikes dances.

Weiss shows interest in Neptune, but their relationship has not been mentioned since then and I am fairly sure Weiss is not ending up with Neptune.

Finally, Blake goes with Sun even if Yang is clearly the reason she goes in the first place. Moreover, she and Yang still dance together.

So, it is as if Beacon is a time to explore different partners and love stories, while they are still all growing. Honestly, it is the same idea behind how love stories are handled in the sit-com Alexa and Katie :P. Both girls there have two different boyfriends. The first one is puppy love, while the second one is linked to more serious issues the two characters have.

Here, it is the same, but while it works well for Jaune and Weiss, I am not sure it works as well for Blake.

I mean, Pyrrha is a central character in Jaune’s arc, but her premature death makes so that if Jaune were to finally find a new love interest... it would not feel forced or cheap. Especially because narratively a lot of focus has been given to him grieving Pyrrha and his arc keeps echoing Pyrrha’s throughout the narrative. Even if Jaune were to find a new love, his love for Pyrrha would not become meaningless.

When it comes to Weiss instead, Neptune is so not important to her arc and they have basically zero meaningful interactions (the only important one is actually about Jaune actually), that it is easy to read their relationship in volume 2 and 3 as a superficial crush.

However, Sun is an important character in Blake’s storyline and his feelings for her are not really solved in a meaningful way.

Moreover, we do not even see Blake’s relationship with him change. It is not that it is given space for the audience to see Blake develop a crush for him, get over it and truly fall in love with Yang. Everything happens all together and it is not elaborated on. So, we see Blake going to the dance with Sun, but also dancing with Yang and being desperate when Adam hurts Yang, etc.

This happens because of my next point.

PLAYING WITH BIAS

As many people have noticed, Blake’s story is basically a deconstruction of the cute kitty girl stereotype (and this is awesome).

She is a cat faunus and her story is full of romantic tropes...

She has an ex and mysterious boyfriend who is initially presented as a an anti-hero.

She also meets an energetic selfless guy who falls for her on sight and follows her around to help her.

These are two very common romantic storylines set-up, but they are both subverted. On one hand Adam is not a broding anti-hero Blake has to heal, but an abusive and manipulative stalker. On the other hand Blake does not have to fall for Sun as a reward for him helping her.

Blake instead falls in love with Yang and both characters grow on their own as people, so that then they can be together despite their past traumas.

The idea is great really, 10/10. However, the execution is not flawless. Like, subversion is actually hard to make. You have to build things up and to play with people’s expectations.

Blake’s arc has a lot of romantic subversions and they were supposed to be all strongly set-up in volume 1 and 2. We are talking of the narrative setting up 3 (Adam, Sun and Yang) and I say 3 romantic relationships at once. In the two shortest volumes. With eps that are 5 minutes long. In an ensembled cast show.

A really ambitious project :’’’)

I would not say the end result is terrible (a 6-7/10), but it is not even as strong as say... She-ra’s handling of hetero-ships... that is an example of a successful play with people’s bias and expectations. It is smart, tongue-in-cheeck and meaningful. The hetero relationship as treated with the same care of the queer ones in the series. They even foil the queer ones. But in the end the same sex coupld all kiss, while none of the hetero ones do. It is a way to convey how it usually is for LGBTQ people to see their ships built up, but without a final cathartic kiss XD.

Anyway, I think Black Sun as a relationship wanted to do something similar, but I think it is not so neat.

b)

SUN’S ARC

The problem with filling Blake and Sun’s interactions with romantic tropes is that they take away screentime that could be used to actually give proper development to Sun.

Like, I think Sun and Blake’s time in Menagerie is not really used effectively when it comes to Sun’s character. This is probably partly because volume 4 as a whole is the weakest one and has some structural problems (basically I think they tried to adapt the same structure of their shortest eps to longer ones and it failed).

Anyway, the point is that in volume 4 we could have had Sun’s arc set up in a much stronger way than it is in the series.

We could have had a moment where Sun is openly turned down by Blake. Or a moment where Sun realizes because of something Blake does or says that she is in love with Yang. Both situations would have >>>

1) Cleared the Black Sun confusion and changed people’s expectations

2) Driven home the point of Sun’s character in Blake’s story more clearly - he is not the brave love interest that wins his lady’s love, but a turned down boy who is still a good person and a loyal friend

At the same time, we could have had Sun’s flaw which is hinted at in volume 6 and explored in Before the Dawn explored more.

In BTD we are said this:

Sun didn’t rise to Scarlet’s bait, which was pretty strange. But it also wasn’t his style to devote himself to a cause like this. He usually went wherever his whims took him, whether that was across the sea to help a friend or to get noodles at three in the morning. To pledge to fight a big cause with no clear solution or end in sight? That really didn’t sound like Sun. Maybe his time with Blake in Menagerie had changed him.

This is an example of telling and not showing... really in the series this never comes up nor it is ever explored. It does not contradict the story. It actually makes sense when considering what little we know of Sun and if we reread some interactions with Blake using this interpretative key. However, it is surely not one of the main topic explored in Blake and Sun’s relationship, while I think it could have been great if it were.

And these are my main thoughts on the whole Black Sun/Sun Wukong topic. Like with Adam, I don’t think the end result is terrible or the basic idea is not good. But I also think this is not where the series writing shines and I am not surprised people invested in a ship that was teased and never properly addressed are angry for how things turned out. You should not give people a reason to care if you are not going to pay off the build up. In this case paying off did not have to be a SunXBlake is canon, but a way to solve their bond similarly to how Jaune’s crush for Weiss is solved in volume? Yep, I think that was due and would have made things less blurried. People would still be disappointed probably, but at least they might have felt less cheated.

Of course, since Sun’s story is not over we might discover some other reason behind the choices made. Still, in an ongoing series pacing is still a thing, so...

Thank you for the ask! Analyzing Black Sun has actually been rather fun and it made me appreciate it, Bumbleby and Blake’s arc more tbh :’’’) 

#rwby #rwby meta #blake belladonna #sun wukong #black sun #asksfullofsugar #stormmodblog #bumbleby

[hxneekyuu]

accidental kiss || tsukishima kei, ennoshita chikara, miya atsumu, lev haiba

request :  Hey Can I request a headcanon or one shot with Haikyuu characters (any of your choices) having an accidental kiss with their crush, you know, the cliché romance scene in drama's where the girl fell and male catches her and end ups kissing, or something when the girl turn around not noticing the close distance between the male, and their lips touches. Anything that is accidental

warnings : miya atsumu, Suna Gets a Haircut

a/n : so i did one of those random hq generator things bc i could only decide on one boi and that was tsukki,,, the results made me laugh so here you go -- btw these are all gonna be pre-dating bc thats just wonderful we love that

tsukishima kei

this is definitely all tsukkis fault

you two are at your house just vibing and at some point you head into the kitchen to make food

and hes leaning against the counter right in front of the cabinet you need to get to

but he has the audacity not to move the fuck outta the way when you tell him you need to get past 

so youre like ok fuck it and just reach around him to open it 

but the bowl you need is pretty high up so youre like on your tippy toes tryna get the damn thing and hes just sitting there watching you struggle 

instead of helping you like he isnt damn near 6′3″

but riiiiight as youve got the bowl, you end up grabbing it a little too forcefully and you bring like a million dishes down with it 

so ofc even though he definitely deserves it, youre not trying to concuss the poor guy with literal ceramic dishes raining down on him 

so you kinda lunge forward to stop them all from falling 

and, hearing the crash of dishes over his head, he naturally ducks because he doesnt want to die

honestly,,,, its more of a crash of your noses and foreheads but theres such chaos of like,,, trying not to die?? 

that at some point you just feel his mouth on yours and it deadass just stays there while you both are figuring out what the hell is happening 

eventually he kinda pulls back but only a little bc he knows youre struggling to hold onto the dishes and he doesnt wanna screw that up

and he doesnt even say anything he just reaches up awkwardly and helps you set the dishes back on the shelf

and then he grabs the bowl youd been trying the get the entire time and hands it to you with a completely blank face 

its a very awkward dinner im not gonna lie

mostly bc at some point he just starts cracking jokes about it and refuses to acknowledge it seriously bc he sucks

ennoshita chikara

ennoshita’s taking a break from studying with the second years on the team

mostly bc he never gets any studying done with them 

so youre studying together for a test at his house

and its just been many many hours of studying so ofc youre both exhausted

so its not surprising to him when you just pass out on your notes

but the thing is,,, your heads right on top of a sheet that he needs

and for a while he just kinda studies without it

he studies other stuff and tries to remember it on his own so he can fill in the gap in his notes

but eventually hes like fuck i really need these notes

so he just,,, tries to slide it out from under your head really carefully

and it involves a lot of him getting really close and trying to lift your head and a bunch of really soft cute things that would be super embarrassing for him to be caught doing

like,,, if you happened to wake up

which of course, you do

and youre really confused bc you can feel his breath fanning over your face and his eyes are really close but not focused on you, theyre focused on smth under your face

so you lift your head to see what hes doing

but he freaks out and moves his face when he notices youre awake

and its just a litto brush of your lips over his as your faces are passing each other

but the poor bub jumps back like you just shocked the crap out of him

and then he apologizes for like the next ten minutes and its impossible to get back to studying bc youre both just panicking internally

miya atsumu

this literally happens like it does in the movies

it all starts with a chase scene

that really you should never have been a part of

youre just minding your business walking down the hall after school on your way to get your stuff

and its pretty empty bc you had a club thing so its late afternoon and no ones around

and you just hear it

men screaming

and then he appears, barreling around the corner like his life depends on it

and youre like

this cant be good

and when he sees you hes yelling out for you like HELP ME 

but you somehow always manage to get caught in the miya twin antics so youre like

fuck no im out

but apparently youre not out bc atsumus grabbing your arm and dragging you behind him yelling smth about scissors and a haircut

and when you look back you just see suna rounding the corner, half of his little triangle haircut chopped off so he looks like a sad half onigiri,,,

but you know it was atsumu and that this man is definitely dead when suna catches him

so youre like okay fuck it i guess im helping him AGAIN 

and you get outside to a section of the school where theres still sports teams practicing and lots of people around so you hide in a corner together

but the Suna Energy is approaching so atsumu fuckin freaks and does that cheesy movie thing where he ducks his head down so he wont be seen 

but theres like a group of guys passing by and one of them just bumps into atsumus back and that shit just sends him right into you

and all he can think is “oops”

he only has one brain cell give him a break

but he just stalls completely and forgets about the whole suna thing

but ofc his hair is fucking piss yellow and suna has not forgotten

he ends up totally getting his ass beat  but after that little smooch atsumus definitely a bit keen to see you more often 

lev haiba

i fucking love this gif look at the litto shoyou go

this tall babie does not know the meaning of personal space he has no functional understanding of a Bubble

honestly he probably gets dangerously close to kissing you on a regular basis, considering you’re seatmates in class

he’s just ALWAYS in your space

at first he’s probably shy bc he doesn’t know you

but once you become friends he’s like THIS IS NOT YOUR DESK THIS IS JUST MY SECOND DESK

so every day there’s always one thing that’s super dangerous

last week it was him looking over your shoulder while you did work silently

yesterday it was him reaching across you to open the window on your left side

today he just really wants a bite of the bread you bought and are currently already eating

and when he wants smth, he gets Very Whiny

he’s so clingy and adorable that you can’t ever get mad

he’s like a little puppy how can you resist him

so when you’re finally like okay fine you can have a bite he’s like

MONCH

he doesn’t even wait for you to tear off a piece he just leans in for a bite

but you had said yes while in the middle of biting it so he essentially does that thing where you’re both biting it at the same time

but, again, he doesn’t know what personal space means

so he also doesn’t have the ability to gauge distances well

so he straight up just meets you halfway and presses his mouth to yours while he’s biting down

the boi probably doesn’t even notice

he just pulls back quickly once he has his bite and goes about his life

you literally are going to have to tell him he just kissed you

and after that he’s a total fucking mess

he doesn’t know what to do he never knows what to do

he’s just going to keep causing Chaos while he panics

#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #tsukishima kei #tsukishima x reader #ennoshita chikara #ennoshita x reader #miya atsumu #atsumu x reader #lev haiba #lev x reader #haikyuu headcanons