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orbitvenus · 3 years

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this post is inspired by this reblog of mine <33 check it if you want to!!

Pairing: timeskip!Tendou x fem!Reader

Genre: fluff and drabble

Warning: grammar errors, its uhhh cheesy ig, bland dialogues because I suck at them, ooc??? and maybe some swearing

I hope this won't plop😭 also someone help me how to describe other gestures besides the forehead kisses,knuckle kisses and hugs that I always include in my writings

You and Tendou have been together for a long time. When he asked you to join and live with him in Paris, you immediately said yes knowing you'll be fine with him even though you have to leave your home country behind. Moving to another country is pretty tough at first, but slowly the two of you began to adjust and create a routine.

Now, you and tendou are about to celebrate your anniversary. He asked you to dress up prettily. You asked why he just smiled and said this anniversary is much special so its important. You raised your eyebrows as if every anniversary you had with him wasn't special. To you all the anniversaries you had were always special, each one is unique filled with happy memories and for this year you still look forward to what he had prepared.

He told you he will be picking you up later while he will be doing some business. He pulled you close to him and nuzzled his head to your neck like a cat which made you chuckle.

'Keep safe okay.'

'Yes yes no worries babe.' He spoke, muffled because he's still nuzzled on your neck.

He pulled away and looked at you lovingly before leaving. You stood there dumbfounded until the door is shut. He always looks at you with adoration that you never fail to send back at him but you noticed that his behavior today is....quiet weird. You decided to shrug it off.

You took a shower and stepped out to go to your bedroom. In your bed is a box with a note that came none other than from Satori.

'wear this for me.'

-satori♡

You smiled and opened the lid of the box. You pulled out the dress and admired it. Realizing it was the dress you mentioned to him that you've been dying to get. You felt fuzzy and warm with your heart fluttering in your chest realizing he remembered it and got it for you. You made a mental note for yourself to repay him. Snapping out of your daze, you hurriedly dressed up yourself as you saw the clock nearing to the time where Satori promised you to pick you up.

You were still trying to wear your shoes when you heard knocks behind your apartment's door. After finally wearing your shoes, you turned the doorknob and met your boyfriend all dressed up as you.

'There's my baby, I knew it would look perfect on you.'

His words always make you blush even though you two are no longer teenagers.

'Thanks you too.'

You walked near him and fixed his collar, inhaling his perfume as you come closer. You rested your hands on his chest. Taking a look at his form, he looks handsome as ever.

'Babe if you kept staring at me I will definitely melt.'

He teasingly commented. You playfully rolled your eyes at him and grabbed his hand to leave even if you don't have any idea where he will take you.

'Lets go now, don't want us to be late yeah?'

You were met with the breeze coming from the sea while walking, hands in hands with Tendou. Looking around the place is quiet with only the two of you walking towards a boat. The boat is decorated with flowers and battery operated candles we don't want any incidents to happen don't we. Tendou was first to step inside the small boat and held out his hand.

'Hop in my lady~'

He said it while looking at your eyes and grinning. You took it and stepped in with him while he's keeping the boat steady.

'Careful..careful okay there'

You got in and he gestured you to sit down. You sat opposite of your boyfriend and beside you is a picnic basket with wine and two wine glasses along with some food inside. Satori pushed the boat so it will move further to the sea and began rowing. While he was rowing you took the time to admire everything including him. He's still pretty muscular even if he already quitted volleyball but he continued to maintain his physique by exercising from time to time. The sun is beginning to set, casting the skies a beautiful orange glow.

Satori stopped rowing the boat and looked at you. Seeing that awe struck expression in your face, he knew he succeeded again. You felt his eyes on you and faced your body towards him.

'So....where did you learn how to row?'

'One of the locals who rents boats taught me how, to be honest I thought it was gonna be easy but I was wrong.'

You laughed lightly and continued to chat with him. While talking you two also started to drink the wine and eat the food that was prepared on a small table he brought out.

The amount of happiness you felt at this moment will never compare when you celebrated your first anniversary together. You continued laughing with Tendou when a latern caught your attention. You stopped and observed. Satori also kept quiet to observe you to see how you will react to his surprise.

It already got dark, luckily the candles and the street lamps are kept the place illuminated. That later changed when the laterns began to come out and light up the sky. Your eyes followed the laterns. At that moment it was so beautiful, you don't know if its a coincidence or part of your boyfriends plan.

You felt as if you were in the scene from Tangled. You were far too amazed to even notice your boyfriend. While you were excitedly admiring what he prepared, he took his time to prepare himself on the question he's been dying to tell you.

He knew it's about time for you to know when he was sleeping beside you one night.

He was just staring at the ceiling and he can't sleep while you were peacefully sleeping on top of him. He looked at you and realized after all you two have been through you still stuck with him. He remembered how you listened and comforted him from his insecurities. How you greeted him with a hug everytime he returns home from work. He even remembered how you kept practicing to cook for him. He remembered how he met you and how you got together with him. Everything, you're always there with him. He doesn't want to let you go and felt that he needs to confirm that you and him will be with each other forever.

He looked at the calendar besides him and saw your anniversary date. He thought about it and realized he had enough money to buy you the ring you wanted. Funny how it seems the universe is inclined with his intentions. He will have to start planning to propose to you but first he needs his sleep while keeping his arms around you.

'Y/n...'

'Hmmm?'

You responded but still enraptured by floating lanterns. He coughed and caught your attention.

'I know it was a big decision when I asked you back then to come with me here in Paris. I was prepared to hear your rejection back then but your excited yes shocked me a little.......'

He continued to say what he had always wanted to say to you. You started to tear up feeling overwhelmed by his confession. Somehow this scenario feels oddly similar to his first confession to you and hit you with nostalgia.

'Now I wanted to ask you to um...'

He felt flustered and his heart beating. He sighed before continuing and brought out a small box out of his pocket. He placed it on his palm and slowly opened it. Now is the time to ask the big question.

'Y/n L/n will you marry-'

'Yes!'

You happily interrupted him and threw your arms around him, burying your face to his neck to avoid seeing you in tears. Tendou is shocked and happy at the same time now that you said yes, you still have to wear the ring which you haven't done yet. He was about to take your hands and slid it on your finger when you hugged him.

He patted your back and smiled also starting to feel his tears build up when he realized you were crying.

'Hey- come on now I don't want to see you crying.'

He shushed you softly. You calmed down and backed off. You were still wiping your tears off you cheeks with your other hand when he slid the ring on your finger. You kept rubbing until you peeked your eyes open and saw the ring.

The tears began to build up again and you cried. Thinking what you did to deserve such man like him, he surprised you too much today you can't help but feel overflowing joy and love. You try to form words but the hiccups are preventing you and trying your best to wipe off the endless tears from your eyes.

Your attempt to dry them off fail until you felt Satori your now fiancé, use his handkerchief to help you. You finally looked at him through blurry eyes and saw how he was also crying while looking at you. Your hand reached out to his face to dry his tears.

He held your hand on his face and brought it near his lips to kiss your ring. His gesture made you cry harder.

'Damn it Satori! Stop making me cry you dummy.'

You finally spoke again. You made him laugh and stop his tears. Tendou tried to help you clear the tears from your cheeks again until its gone.

When you two both calmed down, he pressed his forehead against yours and connected his lips to yours while both of his hands are cupping each sides of your face. The kiss made you feel like fireworks soaring in the sky. He stopped and murmured against your lips.

'I love you so so much, thank you for being with me and loving me I promise to cherish you for eternity my paradise.'

'I love you so much too Satori...more than you would ever know.'

He let out laugh from your words. His laugh made you feel giddy. His yours and you are his officially.

'You know babe our setting really reminds me of that scene from Tangled.'

'Well...where did you think I got the inspiration from?'

Notes:duck im tired im also on low battery bye now- I have to rush the ending because I was at like....5% 😭😭😭 anyway thank you for reading!! Feel free to like and reblog if you like it <33

content by @dreamingkita pls do not repost or plagiarize or else I will hunt you❗

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verobatto · 3 years

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Destiel Chronicles

Vol. CI

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Wrong Words

(13x14)

Hi there! I will talk in this meta about miscommunication, but mostly, about how Dean can't use the right words with CAS, which had been always our struggle as fans hahaahhaa.

Let's start this!

Fire and Fear

At the beginning of episode 13x14 'Good Intentions' we have Jack being manipulated by Zachary . The angel uses the fear to try to get some info from Jack's head.

Fear is the same tool Michael will use to try to break Dean, but it won't work just like I'd doesn't work with Jack.

Another interesting dialogue piece that shows us what Chuck appearance will mean in season 14 and 15 is the following...

CASTIEL: I wanted you to see the natural world before… before it was spoiled. Humans have good intentions, but… they never truly appreciated the gift they were given. Left to their own devices, humans… they would destroy everything.

This is fake Castiel in Jack's head and it's the way writers link AU!Michael with Chuck. It's the same thing like say HUMANS DON'T PLAY THEIR ROLES AS THEY SHOULD. DOESN'T FOLLOW THE PLAN. It will be the final plot of season 15. It speaks about how Michael and Chuck see the free will as something dangerous and destructive for their plans.

Two Hearts and the Wrong Words

The hearts of Gog and Magog was the fake ingredient Donnie asked for the spell.

DEAN: Okay, so we’re supposed to find these guys and cut out their hearts? How?

The symbolism of cutting hearts are linked to the incoming Destiel break up that will start in season 14 and then will find its climax in season 15.

When Donatello mentions that it will be dangerous... This is what happens...

CASTIEL: Then I’ll do it.

DEAN: I’ll go with you.

Dean won't let nothing bad happen to his angel. That's a fact that repeats all along in this season. Dean trying to protect Cas from danger. Dean going with him everywhere. Dean trying to get a bullet for his angel, as we will hear from him in Scoobynatural.

Then... The wrong words...

Pay attention to this dialogue here...

DEAN: How are you holdin’ up, Cas?

CASTIEL: I’m fine.

DEAN: No, I just mean with, you know, everything you’ve been through. And… I know you really wanna find Lucifer.

Dean is trying to find out how Cas feels, this is a very nice gesture from him, but also, he is worried about how CAS could feel after being kidnapped, he just wants to talk about that, because it's a heavy weight he carries, the guilt of not seeing Asmodeus was playing him. So he feels he failed him. Plus the fact that Cas had been dead, knowing that had been a blast in Dean's life... But at the same time, Dean tries to avoid that topic which is, the elephant in the room. But CAS will direct his answer to that elephant...

CASTIEL: No, it’s not that. It’s about… well, it is that, but it’s also I… Dean I was—I was dead.

DEAN: Temporarily.

Here is again Dean trying to avoid the topic as if it never happened or if as it was nothing. Is his way to avoid it, to keep going. Because the memory of it is too painful. And because it's still a knife in his heart. It's part of his most horrible fears. To lose Castiel again, unbearable. So, it's better not give it too much attention. 'Temporally' as 'It was nothing, it was just for a few days, we are fine, don't talk about it.'

But Castiel insists...

CASTIEL: And I have to believe I was brought back for a reason.

Gif set credit @subbydean

Cas feels that he came back and nothing had changed. Because they didn't speak about it. Because he doesn't know if Dean missed him. He knows Sam and Dean need him for battle. But, he has to find something else in this. There's something else. And he feels maybe is Dean the one who has to say it. Something. Something that gives him a more deep meaning. But Dean can't speak about it. Dean can't recall the pain. Dean can't express what is in his heart... So he shifts the backpack, avoids eye contact and lies, he just go with his usual avoiding self, and gives the "FAMILY NEEDED YOU" NEED vs WANT again. WE instead of I/Me.

DEAN: You were. Okay, Jack brought you back because we needed you back.

CASTIEL: Right. And how have I repaid him? I promised his mother that I would protect him, but now he’s trapped in that place while Lucifer is here, who’s… I mean, he’s getting stronger and more powerful by the day. And if Michael really is coming, maybe I was brought back to help prepare.

Castiel doesn't find a propose in Dean's words, doesn't find what he's looking for from him. The 'Right' is dated with disappoinment in his eyes, with sadness, looking at the man he loves. The unrequited love strikes again. So he changes to Jack, if Jack needs him, he will be there. Soldier Mode and the mission and the promise to Kelly come to his rescue. Castiel changes to soldier mode again.

DEAN: Prepare for what?

CASTIEL: War. War is what Michael does.

If there's nothing else there for him, then there's his mission. The war. That will be his porpoise. And Dean's words will be what Cas will have in his mind the rest of the season.

DEAN: Well, then we do what we do. Whatever it takes.

After this, we have their fight with Gog and Magog, but first, let's see this dialogue over here, it seems something fun and married couple thing, but it has a very deep meaning, according to what we were talking about so far.

DEAN: Well, Enochian’s kinda tough. Maybe you got a word wrong.

CASTIEL: I don’t get “words wrong.”’

Castiel says this with annoyance. Why? Because he tries to transmit a second message behind his words. How could Cas use his first language wrong? It's impossible. But is not impossible to Dean to use his wrong words even using his first language. Cas knows Dean didn't say what Castiel needed to hear from him. I don't get my words wrong, but you do. I always say what is in my heart, you don't.

We had some fan service when Gog and Magog called Dean and Cas beautiful.

'They are equally pretty.'

Is something all the fandom knows hahahhahaa.

Another foreshadow and Castiel soldier mode

When Michael decides to bring Jack with Mary, Mary recognizes why he did it.

MARY: He’s not gonna hurt you, Jack. He’s gonna hurt me. Why do you think he brought you here? So that we would meet, so that we would talk. And then when he comes back, if you don’t do what he wants, he’s going to kill me.

This is what Michael will try with Dean too. Once Michael will left Dean's body in 14x02, as an attempt to make him believe he was free, with his family. Giving him fake hopes, that's the way Michael will try to really break him. That's why he did this with Jack.

Do you remember when Dean used his wrong words with Castiel and he switched into soldier mode??

SAM: What are you doing?

[CASTIEL walks down the hallway towards where DONATELLO is. SAM and DEAN follow him.]

CASTIEL: What I have to.

He will fried Donnie's brains to get some info, after the boys tell him Donatello doesn't have a soul and after Donnie used a spell that almost drowned Dean. (Dean drowning was another foreshadow for his possesion, is how he described to Sam how felt to be possesed the first time.)

CASTIEL: I’m sorry, but I’m not going to let you or anyone hurt the people I love. Not again.

Castiel's reaction was drastic after Donnie attacked Dean. He didn't do this after knowing Donni had attacked Sam, even if Sam is parto of THE PEOPLE CAS LOVE. But his violent reaction is linked directly to Dean almost drowing.

DEAN: Yeah, but who gets to make that choice? You? What exactly gives you the right?

CASTIEL: Nothing. I took it. And if I hadn’t acted, we would still be sitting around and talking about what to do next. We would be wasting time. And it’s time we don’t have, Dean. I told you, war is coming. War. And I did what soldiers do. Now we needed the spell to open the rift, and I got it.

The words whatever it takes is resonating in Cas' head. He is focused again, as a soldier should be, focused in war, in the mission. Dean allowed that.

To Conclude:

This episode showed us a couple of more foreshadows for Michael!Dean but it also talked about the 'wrong words' and 'misscommunication'.

How the wrong words made Cas to turn into his soldier mode, and that's the mode will last until the end of the season.

Hope you like this meta! See you in the next one!

Tagging @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weird-dorky-little-d @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @authorsararayne @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester @horsez2 @qanelyytha

@destielle @spnsmile @shippsblog @robot-feels @superlock-in-the-tardis @superduckbatrebel @2musiclover2 @madronasky @anon-non2 @cea1996 @lisafu02 @asphodelesauvage @destiels-canonahhhhhhhhhh

If you wanna be added or removed from this list just let me know.

If you wanna read the previous metas from season 13 here you have the links:

Vol. XCIII, XCIV, XCV, XCVI, XCVII, XCVIII, XCIX, C.

Buenos Aires, February 20th 2020, 2:30 PM

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kez2402 · 4 years

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50 Days of Lockdown

Bird.

Definition: warm-blooded, egg-laying, vertebrate animal distinguished by the possession of feathers, wings, a beak, and typically by being able to fly.

Flying.

Definition: floating, fluttering, waving, hanging, or moving freely in the air.

Freely.

Definition: Not under the control of another; as one wishes.

Example: "I roamed freely".

Life.

Definition: the year 2020.

Example: "I cannot roam freely".

*************************

Dear Diary,

Its day 50 of lockdown.

Weeks seem like days, days seem like hours and hours seem like minutes. The time continuum seems to have stopped. The Earth is standing still. Although time moves on it feels like we are stuck in a loop where everything has simply stopped moving. Nature is finally flourishing, the Earth is healing and people are experiencing the Great Realisation.

I write to you from the deep, green heart of the forest. The green leaves of the trees blanketing me from the sun as it begins it's journey to disappearing upon the horizon. The world has been silenced, but nature is signing louder than ever. The sound of songbirds echo through the grassland, a small bird with a distinctive bright blue crown and a tail with a yellow underside landed in front of me, cocking it's head at me before flying off.

I watch as the yellow of it's wings soar freely from tree to tree and I thought about the times where I, too, was free. As of today, May 4th 2020, I am not free. I am a bird in a cage, unable to roam freely, live freely. Unable to leave your house unless necessary, no social interaction, stress and uncertainty, life is tough.

The Covid-19 pandemic has taken the world by storm. Something that seemed so far away, is now on our doorsteps. Some closer than others.

This morning, I discovered my Nan was admitted to hospital for what they thought was pneumonia......it wasn't.

Covid-19 now threatened the life of someone I love.

While I am aware she is doing well I can't help but find myself preparing for the worst. This pandemic has now hit home and it made me realise how important family is. We often take it for granted and show more care for materialistic things, but the greatest gift of all isn't something you can buy; it's the love of family.

I have abandoned all school work and exam preparation, landing me up here; on a tree trunk in the middle of the forest. The world has become chaotic, stressed and anxious. We often forget about the nature of our planet and the beauty it holds, but we also forget how it harmonises. There are so many different species, predator and prey, but yet there is balance, harmony.

When I enter the avenue of trees the outside world disappeares; its just me and nature. I describe it as a sanctuary of peace. I find the same tree trunk every day and sit there; it was my tree, my space, my safe haven. When I'm here thoughts of the Leaving Cert, death and chaos all disappear and the only thing I have to focus on is the song of the birds, the shades of green.

If only it were real.

For now, it is only a pigment of my imagination and memory. I sit here, the glass of the window standing between me and the outside. The restrictions standing between me and my tree. There is nothing I want to do more than hop the fence of my back garden and run for the trees, standing tall, creating a wall of nature. I envy the birds as they fly free over the emerald kingdom, while we are caged inside.

If anything positive is to come out of this challenging time is the lessons it has, so far, taught us.

Lesson number 1: Be there for each other.

Lesson number 2: Its okay to not feel okay.

Lesson number 3: Nothing lasts forever.

These lessons have also been realisations.

Realisation number 1: We need to be there for each other.

Realisation number 2: Not everyone feels okay all the time and that's okay.

Realisation number 3: Nothing ever last forever.

Not only has our lives changed, I feel we as the Human race have changed too. We had lost sight of who we really are and now, now we have become grounded, realising the things we had prioritised in our lives were, in fact, only temporary. I suppose you could say we only realise what we had when its gone. Things have been put into perspective. This whole situation and how it affects you is all based on your perspective. One might look at this and think of how bad it is, how it has disturbed the flow and routine of our lives, while another might look at this and see it as a way of nature telling us to heal, to find the harmony that it has.

The Leaving Cert is slowly creeping up on me as the motivation to work has completely disappeared. Classes and workloads have continued and will continue into the time frame that I have labelled 'summer'. That summer before college has been cancelled for the 61,053 students who are expected to sit exams, that determine their future, in the middle of a global pandemic. At the moment, for some of us, there are more important things than the Leaving Cert, such as family. By July, some of us will be grieving, we will be scared and we will be expected to preform our best performance when their are people dying all around us. We are risking our health, both physically and mentally, because tradition is more important than us.

There is no point in complaining now, I suppose, it is what it is. The future will be what it will be. The biggest achievement in a time like this, is surviving and coming out the other end of it. In a time like now where everything is uncertain, there is one thing that is certain:

We will get through this.

Not I will or you will.

We will.

Its been 50 days since it started.

Its been 50 days since I've seen my family, friends.

Its been 50 days since life as we knew it, would change.

We can count the days that have passed since we were first caged by the virus, but we cannot countdown the days until it ends.

Until we fly free again,

-K.

#wattpad #wattpadauthor #quarentine #lockdown #quarantine 2020 #april 2020 #june 2020 #may 2020 #ireland

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forthewoolfy · 5 years

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well i'm already hooked and loving it. i can't tell if the person will turn out to be the hero or the villain but i found that short part hilarious, especially with his (perfectly reasonable) panic over 'breaking time.' that was great.

Thanks! Dallas is sorta the villain, but for reasons he’s TRYING to just be a normal citizen, but he struggles a bit with the grey area. I’ll put up the second chapter and some pics I drew below

Chapter Two - Cyrus

Dammit, he was late! He couldnow control time and he was stillsomehow going to be late! Cyrus ranahead, more concerned with staring at his watch than at where he was going.3:46pm.

Why couldn’t time just stayfrozen?

He glanced around, doublechecking he was in the right place. It was a decent neighbourhood, perhaps alittle more on the bad side of town than most would have liked, but he had abudget to keep. Maybe with his new job he’d have a better income, but he hadn’treally talked with his new employers about it.

How much did a superheroget paid?

Right, Cyrus was nowtechnically a superhero! It had been a bit of a mix-up, but he’d promised to dohis best and it’s not like they could takeaway his new magical time powers…Well, the time powers would be more usefulif he could actually get time to remainstopped.

He tried again, clapping hishands together forcefully while screwing up his face in concentration. Theenergy whipped through him like a hurricane, leaving him temporarilybreathless, and when Cyrus opened his eyes again the world was frozen.

What really bothered him wasthe silence. He’d never realised just how noisy the world was until that day.It was so quiet he could hear his own heartbeat, thumping noisily against hisribcage. He continued to run, trying to hunt down the apartment complex fromthe small sheet of paper he’d ripped off the noticeboard a week ago.

Finally he recognised the signon a graffitied wall and knew he was in the right place, just as time resumed ofits own accord. Cyrus bit his lip. Why did it keep doing that? Had they givenhim dud powers? Was he accidentally restarting time himself? Or could it be…Him?

Yes, Him…The reason the scientists had needed a superhero with timepowers. Chronos was a feared villain across the town. No store was protected.No bank was secure. No wallet was safe.

Cyrus pulled his winter jacketclose as he shivered. Right, being a superhero meant having to face him…That was the entire reason they’dcreated his power. Now, if only Cyrus hadn’t been a moron and given that guya lift, he wouldn’t have such a horrible confrontation lurking in his future.

“I have superpowers,” hemumbled to himself, “and I can’t even be happy about them…Why’d I even use mypowers? Now that guy knows I exist! So much for the element of surprise.”

Cyrus noticed an empty shoppingtrolley beside the apartment complex and he immediately crinkled his nose. Whowould steal a trolley and then just abandon it like that?

The front door suddenly opened.

A man stormed out, beeliningfor the trolley, but he stopped as he locked eyes with Cyrus.

He was an older man, maybemid-thirties. His raven hair was shiny with gel, slicked originally to the sideyet with the appearance of being recently dishevelled. The man’s face washandsome, if stern and tired, with a beauty spot just beneath his lips. His piercingblue eyes seemed to dance with murderous intent…wait…

“You,” growled the stranger,his face screwed with annoyance.

Cyrus blinked. He pointed athimself, “Me?”

The man looked pissed and heforgot about the trolley entirely as he turned on him instead. “Do you realisewhat time it is? You are Cyrus,right?”

Cyrus just wanted to rewindtime, but he had no idea how. “You must be Mr. Hall,” he said with a forcedsmile as he held up the flyer stub with the address on. “We talked on thephone.”

Mr. Hall did not look impressed. He checked hiswatch, “You were supposed to be here at 3pm, Mr. Robinson. Do you know whattime it is now?” Cyrus made a move to check his phone, but before he could theman waved his watch in front of his eyes. “It’s nearly four!”

Cyrus held up his hands, “I’msorry! I got held up at work!”

“Why didn’t you call me?”

Cyrus froze. Oh dammit, whyhadn’t he? The thought had never even crossed his mind after the day he’d justhad! He wasn’t supposed to worry about being late ever again! Not that he coulduse it as an excuse with the mad bull in front of him. He’d probably throw him ina crazy house if he started talking about time powers!

“I ran out of credit,” he lied.

Much to his surprise, the manpaused. He looked Cyrus over and let out a strained sigh as he said, “If youdon’t have enough for phone credit, will you be able to pay rent?”

Oh damn, now the guy was goingto think he was a charity case! “I’ve budgeted everything, Mr. Hall! I swearI’ll get rent to you on time, even if I have to skip meals!”

Mr. Hall finally relaxed. He lookedeven handsomer when it didn’t look like he was mentally gutting you. “First youshould check the place out. It’s pretty small, and it might not be what you’relooking for… Call me Dallas.”

“Like the city?”

Dallas looked glum. “If I had adollar for every time someone said that I’d have enough money to change my name…”

“Well all my buds call me Cy!”

The older man raised his noseand led him into the building. “I think I’ll stick to-” Dallas was cut off by adefault ringtone. He pulled a phone from his front pocket, checked the callerID and shot him an apologetic look. “I’ll show you up, but I have to takethis.”

“Don’t let me stop you.”

Dallas answered the phone.Cyrus thought the voice on the other end was female, but aside from that hecouldn’t understand what she was saying. Did he have a girlfriend? “Now’sreally not the best time, Elizabeth. Is this important? No, I’m showing apossible tenant around the apartment. Don’t you dare.” His pace on thestairs sped up and Cyrus hurried up to match. “You do not, I already told you never to- I did. No, if I get up there and find you raiding my pantry againI’ll-”

He pulled the phone away and ared icon on the screen made it clear the woman had hung up. They reached the 5thfloor and Dallas finally stopped and turned to him. Cyrus was still trying tocatch his breath from the stairs. Didn’t this place have an elevator?

“Sorry, I have an unexpectedguest,” said Dallas, clearly embittered. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Is she like a clingyex-girlfriend or something?”

For a moment, the older manactually looked amused, but then he recalled his predicament. “Something likethat.”

Cyrus couldn’t help but feel alittle disheartened. An ex-girlfriend didn’t bode well for him, but then againmaybe it wouldn’t be a good idea to romance his potential roommate, especiallyafter the horrible first impression he’d given. Maybe with his powers he couldrewind and redo everything, but he was still struggling just to pause time andhe didn’t need any butterfly-effect-shit on his conscience right now.

Dallas led him to a door marked5-14. “So,” said Cyrus, “when will she be over?”

In answer, the door flew open.Standing in the way was a small woman with short hair that had been extensivelydyed pink. Her clothes could be described entirely with the word ‘punk’, with aleather vest and fingerless gloves and a tattoo of a star under her left eye.“You took your sweet time!” she said with a toothy grin. Chocolate was smearedaround her mouth, and as they watched she devoured a chocolate-chip cookie. Inher hand was an entire box, already half empty.

“Elizabeth!” called Dallas ashe stormed inside his own apartment. “That better not be mine. I just did thegroceries!”

“Really?” she asked as shedevoured another cookie. “You forgot to get cereal.”

Cyrus stepped inside as well,and although he was brimming with questions he kept them to himself. Questionslike, how had the woman who’d supposedly called less than a minute ago reachedthe apartment before them, or why did she still have a key to the place if shewas an ex, or perhaps the question that most burned inside him: how the hellwas this tough woman the ex-girlfriend of such a straight-laced guy?

Perhaps there was a wild sideto Dallas he couldn’t even begin to imagine!

Elizabeth finally noticed him.“Oh, he’s cute!” She waltzed over and sized him up as she ate two more cookies.“I’m Liz. Dally and I go way back.” The small woman offered him herclean hand and Cyrus went to take it automatically, but Dallas quickly grabbedhim by the wrist and pulled his hand away before he could.

The younger man was takenaback, but Dallas was glaring at the woman. “Why’re you here, Elizabeth?”

The ends of her mouth curled upin a peculiar smile and she slunk away and fell down on the couch. Right, hewas there to check out the apartment, but it was difficult to concentrate whenDallas was still holding his wrist. He had large hands and damn was this aninappropriate time to notice that. “I, ah,” weakly started Cyrus, “need to usethe bathroom.”

Dallas released him at last andpointed to the back of the room. “Through that door, last door on the left.Feel free to have a look around while I get rid of this pest.”

Liz smiled wryly. “Pest? I’vebeen upgraded!”

Dallas shot her a warning lookand Cyrus didn’t look back as he beelined for the distraction. This was anargument he wanted no part in!

Liz is one of Dallas’ villain friends. Guys should NEVER shake her hand =‘D

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awed-frog · 6 years

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So, the cuestion about writing it's just... I love writing, I love reading, I love my ideas and I really believe they're good ideas, but I can't finish them and I really don't know why. I thought maybe it was bc I had to plan them better, or bc I had to let myself just write and see what happens in the moment; I thought maybe the problem it's that I should tell them in a different way (like for a comic that then I could draw) but nothing I do works and it really hurts

Hi there! Thanks for writing back! So, what you’re describing is really a common feeling - I think most writers or artists have felt this way and can recognize what you’re describing. I’m going to talk about my experience, and I hope you can find something that you can relate to and that can be helpful to you.

The tl;dr part is, I think there are many possible causes for not being able to finish a story. Here are a few of them:

you’re having technical problems

you’re too much of a perfectionist

you can’t put on paper what’s in your head

you’re having what I call ‘the Vermeer problem’

you have too many ideas for other stories and can’t focus

you’re experiencing a lack of support for your writing

you are bored with your own story

you’re afraid to finish the story

you can’t finish the story

you can’t tell these things apart

Let’s have a look at them, and remember - I’m talking about my experience here, so this might not apply to you at all. I’m just talking into the void hoping this will help you in some way.

1) This is the most common problem for someone who’s only just starting out. You know your beginning should capture the readers’ attention, but you don’t know how to make that happen. You know the ending should be spectacular and magically solve every issue, but you don’t know how to get there. Since we are rarely taught creative writing in school, this is completely normal, and there’s no easy way to get past it. Like for everything else, you’ll need a lot of practice, and maybe some kind of formal instruction (for instance, this is a good book, but there are many more). So, you know - do what works for you. Maybe join a writers’ club, or an online challenge. Read and reread books you like, and remember to read them ‘with the mind-set of a carpenter looking at trees,’ as Terry Pratchett put it. If you can, write every day - I find codas are a great way to practice, get better and get read (and if you’re comfortable to, you can ask your readers for pointers or criticism). Not being very good at writing is a big problem, but it’s also a problem you can solve.

2) Being a perfectionist is one of those things that often trips you up more than it helps you, and there are some areas of your life - relationships, foreign languages, writing - where you have to let go of it. If this is an issue for you, remember that everyone is crap when they start out (do you know the original lyrics to Beatles classic Yesterday? ew!) and maybe experiment with breathing exercises, with yoga, or try writing with a soundtrack to get out of your mind a little. So, really - I’m not saying perfectionism is bad, but save it for your baking efforts and last drafts - your first draft gets to be as crappy as it likes.

3) This is a very common problem. When you do creative things, be it writing music or quilting, there’s often a great deal of anxiety and dissatisfaction in finally starting a project because the more your work, the less it looks the way you’d imagined it would. Sometimes I write something that’s supposed to be sad, or that was hilarious and sexy inside my head, and the I reread it and it’s just - flat. This happens to virtually everyone, but there’s something very important we need to remember: in the words of Jim Sollisch, “Writing is the art of figuring out what you know, not the process of recording what you already know”. Think about it like this: the inside of your head is a different country. Writing down a story is like finally getting to that city you’ve been wanting to visit for ages and ages - sure, you’ve seen all the IG pictures and you’ve planned your visit and you’ve fainted and drooled over museum websites and recipes of traditional dishes, but now you’re here, and it’s real, and it’s different. You’re here, and maybe it’s raining, and maybe that famous art gallery is closed on Sundays, and maybe that blueberry pie is way, way too sweet for your taste, but still - you’re here. Isn’t it wonderful? You can smell this city and walk down its street and discover small secret corners you never even knew existed and maybe fall in love with this one person you never ever thought you’d meet. So this, to me, is a necessary step to writing: to accept that daydreaming is good, that planning can be useful, but when the time comes, you have to let go of all of that and discover the reality of what your story is like.

4) I don’t know if you read Tracy Chevalier’s Girl with a Pearl Earring - it’s a favourite of mine, and I reread it a couple of times because I love how she writes UST, how understated and yet vibrantly present the feeling is. And anyway, towards the end of the book, the portrait is finished - this one, I mean -

- and everybody says Vermeer should finally sell it and start painting something else - only, Vermeer is not happy. He takes to spending hours in his studio - not painting, not working - just staring at the thing, because it’s beautiful and balanced and textbook perfect, but something is missing and he doesn’t know what (if you haven’t, please read the book and find out how he solves this, because it’s really beautiful). This is a feeling I often have when I read a first draft - everything that I wanted in there is in there, but something still feels - off. And here, I think, there’s no magic way of solving the problem - you can either ask a beta for help, and hope they see it, or you can keep working on it (and reading other stuff, and practicing, and getting better) until you see it yourself.

5) This is another familiar feeling: you start writing something and BAM, you’re distracted by something else. And here, you need to find out what kind of person you are, because some blessed people can work on two projects at once, and others just can’t. Me, I always fool myself and think, ‘I’ll just work on both things, a week has seven days, how hard can it be’ - but nope. Right now, for instance, I’ve got about thirty books of Roman history on my desk because there was this story screaming at me and deafening me and I really wanted to get it out of my head, but today I’m finally giving up and bringing all that stuff back to the library and accepting this is not going to happen - not right now. Not as long as I’m writing a different story and I’m in a completely different headspace. And if you’re the same way - just keep a folder, or a notebook, and fill it with these half ideas and pieces of dialogue and then put them out of your mind. One story at a time - that’s a good and reasonable goal. Because another problem of a beautiful and tantalizing scenario popping into your mind when you’re struggling to finish a chapter for something else is - that other thing is automatically going to look more appealing, because it’s not real, because it’s untested, because you haven’t ruined it yet. And that’s why you’re tempted to abandon that stupid thing you’ve got in your hands that’s not working and go pursue something else. But, again, that’s probably not the best idea. Sometimes you just need to see a story through, no matter what.

6) That said, it’s hard to finish a story when you’re keeping it to yourself. I used to be paranoid about sharing things, but fanfiction helped me to appreciate the importance of feedback. So even if you’re writing original fiction, it could be a good idea to give fanfiction a try - signing up for a bang could help you to stay motivated and focused (you’ll have a beta, and maybe an artist!), and writing codas will usually get you some attention, because many people will automatically look for codas and ‘missing scenes’ after the end of an episode. If you’re not interested in that, consider sharing your work with a friend, a teacher, or a writers’ group.

7) This is a tough one. Maybe you’re writing fanfiction and fall out of love with the show. Maybe you’re writing original fiction but you’re no longer interested in the story. It’s okay - not every story is meant to be. You’re allowed to give up (and you never know - there are writers who go back to their manuscripts ten years later, so I would advise against burning everything in a fit or rage). The trick here is giving up for the right reasons, so before you decide to walk away, look at your story again and ask yourself: what is it that’s not working? Could this get better with a new, exciting character? Should I drop this stale plot twist? Go with a different ending? If you can get your mojo back by shifting the pieces around, give it another try; but if the whole thing’s just a chore, and you simply lost interest, move on.

8) Many of us have a problem with endings. Ending a story usually means leaving your characters behind, and close a period of your life. If you write longer stories, fics and novels are like songs - they’re usually tied to very specific moments, and in letting them go you also let a part of yourself go. Plus, there’s always a lot of pressure on getting the ending right, because that can make or break a story, and it’s often the moment when big things happen - maybe there’s a slowburn that’s getting real, and you’re afraid the long awaited kiss won’t measure up to the fireworks display you implicitly promised your readers. Or maybe someone’s dying, and you’re not ready to say goodbye. Or maybe the big plot twist you’ve been teasing forever and ever just seems childish now, and you’re not sure how to make it more impressive. Whatever the reason, endings are hard. But, again, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. A lot of things can change between your first and last draft, so you have some time there. If you’re writing fanfiction, your readers will appreciate to finally know what happens, and if you’re hoping to publish your manuscript, an editor will probably help you to shift things around and make them better. Plus, as difficult as it is to say goodbye to this world you know intimately well, there’s also a sense of relief in finishing anything that takes up so much of your time and soul. It feels good. So: breathe. Relax. Write.

9) A distinct problem is that you objectively can’t finish the story, or even get past the middle, or past two pages of heartbreaking dialogue, because you simply don’t know enough about that world yet. You have this great idea but you’d need to be an expert in microbiology, or cordon bleu cuisine, or deep space, to make it work. Or maybe you’re daydreaming about your very own Westeros, but your writing keeps getting interrupted by stupid, yet necessary details (how far away are these two cities? how fast can horses travel? what kind of swear words would a character with a made-up religion use?). If you’re devoted to your story, and determined to make it work, you’ll need to do research and plan and get answers to your questions before starting to write too extensively, because the wrong scientific detail can make your entire plot collapse. And the thing is, doing research is not always possible. Maybe you don’t have time right now, or access to the right resources (speaking of, there are some excellent blogs here on tumblr that will help you with making stuff more believable - a favourite of mine is @howtofightwrite). So, it’s painful, but there are some projects that need to be postponed, and others that will probably never happen at all.

10) Finally, a big problem is that sometimes it’s hard to tell these things apart. Are you bored with your story because you can’t write a certain scene, or is it just a boring story? Are you being a perfectionist, or is this chapter actually out of balance and weird? Is this ambitious story too much for your current skills and knowledge, or are you just giving up? There is no easy answer to these questions, which is why I think it’s important to not walk away too easily - maybe come back when you’re in a better mood, or change your writing soundtrack, or set up a fake interview with yourself explaining why you’re so happy your novel is now taught in every school in America. If you can’t write, try drawing. If you can’t draw, create a moodboard for your characters, or a fake Wikipedia entry for your imaginary country. Play around with your story. Switch POVs. Create walls. Write scenes you won’t necessarily include in your final draft - get your characters trapped in an elevator, have them fired, have them hurt someone, or reminisce on childhood memories, or trudge through a really bad day. Go through writing prompts or shower thoughts or creepy Wikipedia entries and write something about that. Try to truly be honest with yourself, day after day (maybe keep a diary?), so you can get better at understanding whether it’s time to power through or time to take a break.

Finally, I think that engaging in creative activities, whatever they may be, should be a way to make your life better, not worse. There are times when you’re just not inspired, times when you have zero ideas and zero wish to write or art or do anything, times when it’s actually better to focus on other things - your studies, your work, traveling, relationships - so that one day you’ll have something to write about. And that’s okay. Writing is like life - it’s messy, and it changes, and you change, and you just have to be patient with yourself and find a balance between loving the hell out of it and not take it too seriously. I hope this could help with getting you started, and I wish you all the best for your life and those stories crowding inside you, waiting to be told.

#ask #writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing is hard #and lonely #imo you're amazing for even trying it #pat yourself on the back #and be kind to yourself #you can do the thing #<3

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recoverymatters · 6 years

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Hi... I'm not sure if you are okay with people talking about their feelings/issues by ask, but I kinda need to talk. I am in a depressive phase again, and I feel like nothing can put me in a good mood. I am exhausted and having an hard time in school (i just can't concentrate) plus I'm dealing with obsessive thoughts that really hurt me and even though I know they're just intrusive thoughts and are not real, I can't push them away and I feel like if I verbalize them they will become real :(...

Hi there,

Thank you for reaching out to me.

I’m sorry you’re going through such a difficult time. It sounds like you’re having to cope with a lot of scary and distressing thoughts and feelings right now.

Firstly, depression can cause a multitude of symptoms, such as exhaustion, lack of concentration and feeling like nothing can get you into a good mood or make you happy. As you describe. So, please remember that this isn’t your fault, nothing is wrong with who you are. Depression can be treated with the right support and it can get better.

It is important to reach out for help for depression. If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or having suicidal thoughts please go to your local emergency department or contact your local suicide hotline. I have made a post on self-harm alternatives so please check that out if you need it.

Obsessive thoughts are scary. They can be debilitating and crippling to live with. I completely understand why you feel fear of them becoming real if you verbalise them. That is how they grip you and make you feel afraid. However, obsessive thoughts are just that, thoughts. I promise you, they cannot hurt you. They can say the most distressing, hurtful and scary things, but our brains are like that, they can come up with the most imaginative and odd things at times. But, it doesn’t mean that they are true and it doesn’t mean that they are going to happen.

Our brains are weird and wonderful things. We have thousands of thoughts a day and unfortunately, some aren’t very nice. However, you are not in control of the thoughts you have. You are not a bad person for having them.

Obsessions/Obsessive thoughts can occur when we try and control what thoughts come in and out of our heads. The more we try and stop them or prevent them from happening, the more likely they are to come. I know you’re scared and I know it isn't easy, but when you get an obsessive thought, notice it, breathe and let it go. Try not to get wrapped in it, try not to question why its there, try to act as an ‘observer’. Observing thoughts rather than getting caught up in them. For example, when you get an obsessive thought that isn’t very nice, think to yourself ‘Oh that’s a bit odd and strange’, acknowledge how it is making you feel and then let it go. Do not avoid them or try to push them away.

Managing obsessive thoughts -

1. Notice and accept that they are there

2. Acknowledge that they are just thoughts and cannot hurt you or anyone around you

3. Breathe and ground yourself - Focus on the sounds, colours, objects and smells in the room

4. Let them go

Of course, this is easier said than done, however, I can tell you through experience that the less you try to control them, the less power they have over you. Thoughts will come and they will go. A lot of thoughts we have are not accurate at all and make us feel very worried and anxious. This is because our brains are wired to look out for danger so they may think of every possible bad thing that could happen to try and keep you alive, even when it isn't necessary.

Please do not push them away. Accept they are thoughts and they will eventually pass. They cannot come true, they cannot hurt you or your loved ones and our thoughts are notoriously inaccurate 99% of the time. Our thoughts run haywire because they are constantly going, it’s no wonder they sometimes come up with ridiculous and scary things sometimes.

Things that can help:

Meditation - Honestly, very helpful when wanting to learn and accept to let thoughts come and go. Also very good if you want to try some breathing exercises. Apps for meditation - Headspace and Calm. There are lots out there.

Read

Colour

Relax and have a pamper evening

Watch a movie

You can get through this. Do not give up.

If you are worried about verbalising them, try writing them down first. For example, start with the first letter, then the second, and so on. Then when you have managed to do that and see that nothing bad has come of it, then you can begin to verbalise these thoughts. And each time you do, you will recognise and find out that these thoughts did not come true and that nothing bad happened. I know this is hard. Challenge yourself to start off and take it step by step. Please remember that you are not alone. Many people suffer from obsessive thoughts and I understand how tough it can be.

You are very, very brave and I commend you for managing so far.

I recommend you seek professional support, both for the depression and obsessive thoughts. A doctor, family member, friend, teacher or whoever you close to can help. You can get the right help and support and begin to feel free from the chains of this. You deserve a happy and fulfilled life, so please take the first step and seek support for this.

Some links that may help:

https://www.7cups.com/

https://www.calmclinic.com/anxiety/signs/obsessive-thoughts

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/dealing-with-depression/

http://thequietplaceproject.com/90seconds

http://thequietplaceproject.com/thethoughtsroom/

Stay strong, keep going 🌟

Thanks

RecoveryMatters

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benjabrownie-blog1 · 7 years

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I can't change much about this imperfect world, but I can change how I act in it.

When I was younger, medical technology hadn't really established much about Celiac. This made me one of many undiagnosed cases nationwide, which actually makes me feel a lot better about how my teenage years went, all things considered.

I was in so much pain so often, and I suffered from severe clinical depression (as a result from the gluten tearing its way through my GI tract, drying up the serotonin that should be preventing things like DEPRESSION) but I didn't know why. I had no explanation for the excruciating pain I felt that no one else could see, nor did I have a practical REASON for struggling just to get out of bed each morning. This can often complicate things when you live with (and under the authority of) people who don't understand or acknowledge such things simply because they themselves have never experienced or heard of it.

After being diagnosed, when I would mention it to people, they would always bring up hospitalization, and that never made sense to me. It certainly felt like I should have been hospitalized, but as far as I knew, I just had a low pain tolerance and was bellyaching. Before I ever got tested, my dad would always encourage me to "suck it up" (a valuable lesson I still carry to this day on how to accept and handle pain, and that nobody wants to hear you complain) and my mother would either say something about how she wished she could take my pain for herself, or if I had complained a lot that day or week, a mere (sometimes begrudging) acknowledgement. In high school, my friends would notice me run out of breath just from standing, and when I would double over in pain, a simple, "I'm fine." would be my response to their concern. I had no choice but to assume everyone lived with such "discomfort," if that even begins to describe it, and that I was just weak. I was a wimp. A pussy. So slowly, I stopped complaining as much about it. Nobody understood because nobody could possibly have understood.

Along with my depression came a few of its friends; irrational fear, anger, and frustration. My parents didn't like them, and I didn't know them well enough to explain that they had never been invited in the first place, and certainly weren't welcome. Due to my extreme right-wing Christian upbringing, my parents chalked it up to a "heart issue" and pursued "holding me accountable" (see also: obsessive scrutiny and micro-managing). Sometimes I was convinced I was just crazy. "That has to be it," I would tell myself, "it's me. Something is wrong with me." But, again, out of ignorance I assumed it was my "sin" or my lack of "spiritual conviction"; regardless, I had the overwhelming impression that I wasn't doing things the right way, and that this was the natural result (see also: Christianity). Needless to say, I developed a pretty strong case of generalized anxiety and a deep sense of paranoia over my teen years. Along with mental health factors, the villi that lined my small intestine had been completely wiped out (due to the gluten) and daily re-application of this deadly poison (breakfast, lunch, dinner, etc.) only exacerbated my already injured state, leaving holes in the organs that process everything I consume. This is called "leaky gut syndrome" and, as I'm sure you can guess, it occurs in situations akin to my own. Every time I would eat, the food would leak out into my bloodstream; since food (digested or not) doesn't belong in the bloodstream, my body's white blood cells would attack it as the deadly threat to my body that it was. This too, is incredibly painful, as if the initial pain of decimating my insides with every bite I took wasn't enough. From there, I would slowly become weaker and weaker, as my body literally didn't have the means to absorb or collect nutrients from any of the food I was eating. It was a vicious cycle: I would constantly be starving because my body would be craving something to fuel itself for every day activities, but every time I ate something it would exponentially compound the pain and difficulty to think clearly. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention, when your insides are tearing themselves apart and you live with depression, anxiety, or any form of mental health, you tend to have difficulty thinking clearly. It's not a matter of low brain capacity, just the opposite in fact. When you have too much going on at once, it can be overwhelming and... unsettling, to put it mildly. So that was my life during high school. I was involved in and excelled at academics, music, sports, and church, so I never made excuses, but this is what I experienced nearly every conscious moment.

College brought a new chapter to my life: finding out I have celiacs disease. When my mom called to tell me, I didn't understand. I asked her if I was going to die, and she assured me that fortunately, it was just a matter of sticking to a diet. Unfortunately, that diet involved eliminating one of the most widespread ingredients in average American food, especially in the South. I didn't really understand what it meant, but I tried to stick to a gluten free diet... sort of... I was lazy, and it seemed such an impossible task, not to eat only foods without wheat, rye, or barley, but to scrutinize every ingredient and preparation step of every item of food I ingested. To a college kid, that was apparently too much to ask for in addition to my studies, music, and (again...) church involvement. I became more careful with each passing year, but never careful enough. I would feel the familiar pain in my stomach, like I swallowed a bag of rusty razor blades, and know I messed up but not know when or how. It was so regular, I couldn't distinguish the progression of one sickness cycle from another.

It always starts with depression. I become not myself, moody, emotional, and I have a very short temper when I'm depressed. That shortly (less than a week after the depression begins) is joined with the pain. By then, the gluten has successfully infiltrated my small intestine and is wreaking havoc, so feeling my organs start to corrode from the inside out... well, it hurts a bit more than a pinch. From there, the symptoms worsen. Maybe a week after the pain begins, the exhaustion sets in. Think: if the part of your intestines that processes food into fuel to keep your body working properly is in the same state as Hiroshima after meeting Fat Man, your body is going to rapidly lose strength and energy (see also: running out of gas on the interstate miles between exits). Exhaustion, coupled with pain, coupled with depression, all compounding one another. My Venn diagram from hell.

Now let me ask you something, did you know that? Any of it? About the disorder? About me? Whether you did or you didn't doesn't change the fact that most people who don't subscribe to "alternative facts" (my parents often called it "lying" before they bent me over their knee to address it) would have to say no. I learned that not everyone can understand or will be sympathetic to what you're going through, and that's ok! It doesn't mean you're the only person who hurts, but it does mean that not everyone hurts in the same ways. This is a two way street though. I'm not saying any of this because I think what I go through is so important, everyone needs to know so they can feel sorry for, or cater to, me. I'm saying it because I feel it's important to remember that everyone has tough shit to deal with on the daily that you and I don't know about or may not understand or see as a difficulty, but that doesn't make it any less real to the person experiencing it.

In case it isn't obvious by now, it isn't easy living with Celiac disease; every day presents an obstacle of some sort or another that sometimes feels impossible. There are a lot of things that I can't help, but that doesn't detract from reality that says there will always be things I CAN help. I can't help that I get pissed off over trivial things sometimes, but I can help what I say and how I act in response. I can't help how people look at me, but I can choose to stand straight and confident with my head up. I can't help how people treat me, but I can make the conscious decision to look everyone I meet in the eye and treat them with the same kindness and respect I would hope for myself.

I can't change much about this imperfect world, but I can change how I act in it. Not everything is going to be able to be controlled, but our choices and how we act on a daily basis absolutely is. So instead of worrying about the way others express their lifestyles or beliefs, consider focusing on being the absolute best representation of your own. Be the change you wish to see in the world, and the rest will follow.

Actually, probably not, but being an ass just because everyone else is still makes one an ass.

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