#ive been so upset lately so i guess i needed to take it out somewhere

[dokpetra]

Ive def been in a slump lately and its hard to admit that :(

I had a mental breakdown following my birthday, I've had to move apartments, and I've had some intense family stuff going on. Helps to externalize it.

It's weirding me out to confront all the stuff I had my identity tied up in, that isn't carved in stone. Like I am not my bedroom. I am not my job, I am not my biofamily. Idk. Identity is seedy territory for me in a pretty lifelong way, in this age of identity I think it's come front and center for me that my self concept is like a piece of swiss cheese. I attach parts of myself to people places and things around me, and when those things change, so do I, and changing hurts sometimes.

But a lot of that has been in flux for me, for a minute I was unable to work and worried I might not be able to come back to it, I hadn't ever lost my mind as bad as I did a couple months ago, it was really frightening to be newly limited in my daily functioning due to my mental state.

Coming back to a new normal now, and idk, everything in my life is in relief, I'm looking all around me and feeling the ever faster passage of time, looking at how much energy I have in a day, and just going "how am I going to build the life I want?" And feeling like the numbers just don't add up.

But I'm not giving up on myself. I don't do well with change, I gotta be gentle with myself through that. And I can get to a place where I have more energy, and I know steps I can take to get there. And I can accept also that I have lifelong depression etc etc, and to some extent this may put a cap on my energy level.

Part of it is, before everything went topsy turvy, I was making a really concentrated effort to work on composing music daily, releasing stuff for the first time too. As far as things that I take on as part of my identity, this is an important one, and I haven't been giving the time I need to it. For sensible reason, moving sucks, especially in your 30s it turns out, and starting job again and being there for my family. And as was saying earlier, I want to make sure I don't push myself too hard, have tendency to do that. Still, it's feeling like, urgent to get my studio station set up and get right back to it. I don't expect anything from the music I release, I just need to do it, it's who I am and when I'm not doing it I'm not being myself.

Guess part of this puzzle for me is reckoning with how I am both bigger and smaller than I used to see myself as. Like, the combo of ego problems and low self esteem is so ironic. And the process of breaking down your ego while building your self esteem, it feels so wonky. But yeah, I matter. I only matter as much as the next person, but me and the next person both matter. And someone who feels like they matter is more likely to treat others like they matter. So it's important work.

Couple months ago I spent the better part of a week in my bed, not able to eat or sleep, on an internal manic fugue, lost myself on a fundamental level. To be back from that, I wish I felt more triumphant, but I'm just tired and sad about it. I can't glorify that suffering. It happened and I came out the other side a different iteration of this person. I saw how traumatized I actually am and idk, I'm more determined than ever to come up to bat for that person. My self.

So I may have felt like my ideal life was in closer reach prior to all this upset, but I don't think that's true. I believe that I believed it, but it wasn't accurate.

And what good is my dream room when it's packed with plenty of heavy memories and too expensive for me? Could it be better to be in a smaller, brighter room I can actually afford? I'm still resistant but I know it's true.

Healing can be humbling and the humbling factor can feel unfair when you're already down on yourself but... Idk! If my spirit made it through the trials of that week in bed hell, it can get through these transitions.

It's okay to be in limbo because limbo can lead you somewhere new.

So I feel kinda crappy at this juncture, and also, I believe in myself going forward, I know I can make my life into what i dream.

#personal #long ramble

[theshippingqueens-blog]

A/N IM BACK BABY! ive been studing for exams and finally got a break s heres a dnf fic for yall cause we all need dnfies rn

This was fun to write especially since I had a horrible February and March due to drama so please enjoy!

The spring fair wasn't something I had on my agenda for the day but Dream insisted I get out of the house and stay away from social media. Hopefully, this will be a good day and a break from the Catti situation. 

The fair was crowded as we walked all four of us. Sapnap and Punz decided to join us since they had nothing better to do. "Hey Georgie you good?" Dream whispered squeezing my hand. I never realized our hands were linked together I squeezed back. "Yeah I'm ok" I mumbled watching some kids tossing a ball around. They looked so happy. One day I planned on having little kids running around the house laughter filling the house. "Hey George" Sapnap yelled snapping me out of my train of thought. I realized Dream was gone along with puns. "Hmmm? What's up?" I said joining him on a picnic bench.

"I just wanted to ask if you're ok...I know this last month wasn't all that good for you and I can tell you are not doing ok...Well, Dream saw it first but whatever."  He said giving me a small smile. Did Dream notice first? I mean sure we have spent a lot of time cuddling and he would make sure I was okay- He just cared about me he cared about me more than a friend didn't he? "Sap...I think Dream loves me..." I whispered more like a confession to myself than anything. He started laughing "What whats so funny?" I asked feeling a tad bit upset. "Geoge has always loved you stupid! everyone knows it even his mom! And I'm laughing 'cause I asked you if you're ok and you say that?" He said wiping a stray tear. My face flushed "O-oh im doing fine now I guess" I muttered.

The rest of the day was a bit better now that I knew Dream loved me. 'OOH! look they're doing a three-legged race winner gets a $75 gift card to the cheesecake factory!" Sapnap pointed out Dream looked at me the sun hitting his hair making it look light brown. "you wanna team up?" He asked giving me his dopey smile. I smiled he looked so adorable like that. "Let's go kick punz and sapnaps butt."

Teaming up with your 6'3 best friend and long-time crush isn't such a good idea when entering a three-legged race but I didn't know that until it was too late. Dream had his are wrapped around my waist and mine was on his shoulder we were beating Sapnap and Punz but it was a struggle. "C'mon, we need to hurry!" I said glancing and the two who were slowly catching up to is "Well if you weren't so short we wouldn't have this problem!" He joked laughing a bit "Not funny!" I yelled. My foot got caught on his next thing I knew im fell to the dirt Dream came down along with me. "OH SHI-" Before I could fall Dream caught me by the waist. I opened my eyes to see two pools of honey looking into my eyes and small dust of pink on his face and a small smirk "Woah Georgie dont  fall for me." He said awkwardly chuckling lifting me to stand. 

Turns out neither of us won the race a pair of siblings won. We spent the rest of the day hanging out getting food and playing games. Dream even won me a small black cat plush. This was honestly the best day ever.

As the sun slowly set we started heading back. "Wait...you guys go ahead i wanna take George one last place before we leave." Dream said grabbing onto my hand "Yeah ok have fun lovebirds!" Sapnap teased making me blush a little. "were are you taking us?" I asked as Dream led us somewhere. He looked down at me and smiled. "it's a surprise you'll see."

Turns out the surprise was the fairies wheel. Dream paid for our ride. "why did you take us here?" I asked as we slowly descended upward. "it's the best place to watch the sunset." He said grabbing onto my hand. I looked at our hands then up at him then out the window The veiw was pretty. "thanks" I whispered leaning my head on his shoulder. "for what?" He asked leaning his head against mine. "for this...For helping me when I was at my lowest point...for caring about me more than anyone else has ever cared about me. For...loving me." I whispered that last part under my breath. He looked up at me "Oh baby (it's a pet name he uses in irl so I thought I'd use it lol! Now finish reading! -cupid) I have always cared about you." He smiled at me and cupped my cheek. "You are my everything George you're my moon my stars my whole world I have always loved you even if you never saw it." I smiled tears of happiness spilling down onto my cheeks."I love you two." I said giving him a soft kiss on the cheek "I'll love you forever." I said cuddling into his chest as we watched the sunset.

I can't believe I fell for my best friend

~the end~

HI! Thank you for reading this!! the story itself is 878 not including this A/N and the one at the top. A thank you to my girlfriend Angie who has kept me on my toes. A thank you to Finley   who convinced me that no matter what I write I'm still a writer and to all of you who have read this it means the world to me that I can share my fanfiction without getting hate. So thank you!less

#dreamnotfound #dnf

[toomanyfandoms-help]

some of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions ive been experiencing lately. merely needed a place to write this down and get it off my chest, so please feel free to scroll on

not fully sure exactly how to describe. depressive spiral? self-fulfilling prophecy? simply an unhinged, unhealthy person chattering away and scaring those close to them? something along those lines.

cant pinpoint where exactly it started either. i can give guesses, but its definitely something thats been building, rather than something that snapped.

im thinking somewhere in june. too good to be true, too much going right that i got suspicious. or maybe i was picking up on stuff i shouldve picked up on, did pick on earlier, and ignored.

it certainly started to crumble, starting with the trip. havent spoken to one of them since. its been 2 months. never really liked him though, and im quite assured in assuming the feeling's mutual.

then everyone got busy. and work got worse. and more busy. and even worse. hyperbolic, maybe a little. even still.

i dont push. i hate pushing. whenever i do even a little bit i hate myself for it. i take up other's offers gladly, but it gets further between. it feels less like friendship and more like im merely the person these people vent to every few weeks.

the one time (several times, i just stopped asking) i did ask, it got cancelled severely last minute with a half-assed apology. well, no. it was understandable. but still incredibly frustrating.

been spending more time with my family as a result. its familiar, in a tangy, bittersweet way that nostalgia is. we're closer than most, i know that, given the unique circumstances my and my sister grew up in. she knows me well.

everything took a turn when i quit though. on a whim (stressing all week and all day the day-of) setting my key down and leaving with head held high (shaking like a leaf and turning my music up too high on the drive home). combined with the stress of the previous day (shit going wrong with the house and my sister telling me she was probably minutes away from killing herself several years ago (something i already knew but somehow it hit harder (i can guess why))) it all just hurt

i also was with a friend. the day before i quit. kinda.

he helped me, sure. as in he helped with the house issue. but he didnt really talk to me. he tried to show me tiktoks on his phone (i spotted a groupchat with my friends without me in it (the old one with me hasnt been touched since june)) but they were all so. mindless.

we havent hung out since. he tried, twice. the first time i asked how many people he asked before me (its been a reoccurring problem, actually, where i am the last thought of) and he said i was the first. i didnt believe him. he tried again the next day, but i was actually looking forward to hanging out with my family so i declined.

he hasnt reached out since.

i sometimes think about how it makes me upset i cant be angry. im not really allowed to be. which is a weird thing to think about. what do i mean i cant be angry. but i think i mean it in a way like. my anger burns so deep and hot and fast, and its never good. its never for a good reason. being angry feels good, sometimes, but i cant revel in the feeling because i should not have been angry. i did things i regret.

i dunno. anger is a good emotion to have. i know that. it feels good, to feel your blood boiling just a bit and steam clouding your vision. its the one way i can really lose myself.

but its aimless. im usually angry at things i cant counteract or control or do literally anything against. it builds up. i cant release it. and when i do get angry at something i can do something about, well. it usually gets much more than deserved.

but how do you apologize for that. im not sorry for my anger, i was rightful to be angry. but my actions were maybe over the top. maybe i let out too much. maybe im not communicating at all. i dont know

how does one just. stop. not in a suicide way, but also not not in a suicide way.

i cant just go. not right now. my birthdays in 2 fucking days and i cant do that to my family. so maybe after. but we've got a vacation in 2 weeks and i dont want that to be canceled because its supposed to be the last family vacation we have.

but i cant last that long. im in limbo right now, and every single second is tearing at me and i just cant fucking feel anything anymore.

theres things i want to experience and be around for but the price of being a human being is just so fucking high that i cant fucking do it anymore. why do i exist on this miserable mortal coil and drag people down with me. why am i here

can it just stop, please

#personal #vent #suicide mention

[madame-fear]

omg im soo sorry to hear about what has happened with your crush! the situation is so horrible and your frustration is completely valid! i hope your okay. crushes get can complicated ive given up on them now tbh. listen to loads of music, watch shows and films you like and just do loads of things you enjoy thats how i heal! i heard somewhere that like starting a new hobby or like game or something can also help cus it takes your mind off things and gives you something new to focus on. so like idk maybe read a new book or knit something or paint something. (personally i like sculpting and playing with clay i find it very therapeutic) (even just like play-dough) always remember your brave, strong and super cool.

~🦈🗯🧍‍♂️(me shouting at him)

🦈👯‍♀️🐈(us dancing off into the sunset together cus men suck)

Hi hi my dearest, lovely Sharky anon!! 🥰❤🙏 It's very pleasant to see your message in my ask box once again!! :D

Thank you so so much, i really needed to hear that 🥰🥰🙏 I've lately been listening to 3 particular songs that currently relate to my situation:

1 ) Du Lügst (You Lie) – OOMPH!

2 ) The Hills – The Weeknd (the slowed version always gets me...it's so intense somehow :"))

3 ) Labios Compartidos (Shared Lips) – Maná

These 3 songs have helped me feel related with what's currently going on, and somehow, even if I relate to them, they still help me chill & get a bit distracted from all the tension & the upset/overwhelming feelings i've been dealing with. I've been doing just as you said! Crushes are so messy sometimes, and only make you feel overwhelmed...so!! I decided to learn new things such as maths, physics, forensics, read books about the topics i like the most, i even began writing some requests in my draft once again!

The same day i found out about this situation, my dad and i began watching GoT and we got so hooked up on it! It helped me forget about the frustration and annoyance, and entertained me a lot :) So, it's definitely nice to learn new things and watch good shows & movies while eating garbage food, definitely takes your stress out.

Have you heard of Art Therapy? I've done it and, hell, i never realised how therapeutic and relaxing painting could be. I need to read more about it, but it's basically focused on painting and drawing and it helped me so much to get my mind off these things.

It's...confusing as hell, and certainly disappointing, but I guess it's healing, and rather quickly, i'm glad to say :) I guess it might be because not only i know i don't stand a chance w/him (which is irrelevant at this point considering what i'm about to say rn lmao), but because now i know he's got a whole family with a wife that recently she said on her profile that she now wants a baby girl, and instead of focusing on them, he's focusing on some random girl he barely talks to and just stares at...

i guess, things happen for some reason, right? Maybe, this happened for a good reason, and spared me some (awful and inconvenient) trouble! So the best i can do for now, is turn down all his staring and non-verbal flirting and begin to focus on myself & my well being. I realised, some crushes are lame and not worth the pain.

Thank you so so much for your nice words!! ❤❤❤💕😍😍 I will keep finding new hobbies like you said, and I'm going to try new things and forget about all this unnecessary mess. 🥰

(p.s: honestly? Dancing off into the sunset doesn't sound bad at all! Might as well need it, and forget about the world 😂💃💃👭💕)

#i feel cheated #cheater boyfriend #sadbeautifultragic #big thanks to my beloved sharky anon who never fails to make me smile <3 #He cheated #Cheater bf #Self healing #If sad check this tag #Self love #Cheater husband #Sad poetry

[coffee-randomness]

Jason for the arcana prompt?

The Tower: destruction, sudden, flames, fear of change

Word count: 164

I really wanted to make this happy and original because Jason deserves it, but 🤷🏽‍♀️

———————

Orange dripped from the edges of the world and casted weird shadows in the corners of his good eye. He couldn’t keep the other one open, it ached and he was pretty sure it was swollen.

Jason crawled through the room, forcing the gears in the back of his mind to work. There had to be a way out of this, a way to save his mom and maybe, if he got lucky, himself.

Manic laughter filled his ears and made them ring and, while Jason imagined there could not be a sound as horrible as that one, the world flashed in bright orange and red.

In the back of his head, Jason thought of how much the woman he believed to be his mother was shaking and of the exam he had to take next week. Then, as everything was covered in a black curtain he could barely see through, of how mad Bruce was going to be when he found him.

#ive been so upset lately so i guess i needed to take it out somewhere #sorry #angts #jason todd #red hood #batman imagine #jason todd imagine #dc imagine #my writing #red hood imagine #jason dies yet again #i wanted to write really badly and this is what i got #this is probably bad and definetly unoriginal #meh

[hangovercurse]

Ice Cold Pool

Part v of the Without You series: Colson and Y/N try to return to normal, but they still don’t know what normal actually is.

Colson x Reader

Warnings: Cursing (as per usual), substance use, people not following social distancing guidelines.

A/N: Seriously guys, wear your masks, social distance, etc. I really wanna go to a concert sometime in the next 2 years.

Word Count: 2743

| i | ii | iii | iv | vi | 

masterlist

It had been 4 weeks since you and Colson had made the agreement to just be friends. Obviously, there were some hiccups in this plan. Most notably that hanging around Colson reminded you of all the reasons you loved him in the first place, and thus all the reasons you shouldn’t hang around him.

You were glad to be back to somewhat normal. You could hang around your friends without feeling too much tension, you could talk to Casie (who wanted to know everything that happened), and you could smoke again.

That last one you probably shouldn’t have been so happy about, but after a month without weed, you needed it.

Of course, not everything was back to normal. You and Colson weren’t technically… speaking. Yet.

You said simple things to each other, “excuse me,” “thank you,” and even the occasional “bless you” after a sneeze. But you had yet to have an actual conversation since that night. When hanging around the guys, you tried to be as normal as possible, interacting with Colson as little as possible. You didn’t want anyone else to think you felt awkward, because then they would feel awkward and it would be a whole awkward mess.

Tonight, you were hoping to ease some tension between you and Colson. Trippie was releasing the deluxe version of his new album and was having a “covid safe” album release party. All that meant was they would party outside rather than inside and only invite half the amount of people that they normally would.

Against your better judgement, Slim and Baze convinced you to go.

“There’s not even gonna be that many people there.”

“And Trippie would be so upset if you didn’t come.”

“If I go, will you two shut up?”

“Yes.” “Yes ma’am”

“Don’t call me ma’am ever again, Slim.”

So, you made a plan to talk to Colson at some point that night about something other than all of your problems with each other. If and only if the opportunity presented itself.

So, there you were in an oversized Misfits T-shirt that looked like a dress on you and shorts that no one could see, a beer in one hand, and a blunt in the other. You were sitting at the pool edge, your feet dangling in the water, as you talked to Iann Dior about cheese.

You may have been pretty tipsy, but he was worse.

“Cheddar cheese is the worst possible flavor of cheese.” Iann shook his head, laughing.

“Absolutely not. You can put cheddar in dishes, and they taste great. Cheddar makes things taste better. Brie cheese is the worst cheese. It’s literally fucking moldy.” You giggled, taking a swig of your drink.

“You’re both wrong. Feta cheese is the absolute worse and no one will convince me otherwise.” Colson chuckled, sitting next to you.

“There is nothing wrong with feta cheese, you two are just uncultured.” You laughed, the opportunity you needed apparently presenting itself. You took a quick glance at Colson, who was about to dip his feet in the water. “Colson your shoes are still on.”

He looked at you confused, and you realized just how high he was. “So?” he asked and Iann laughed.

“Dude, if you’re gonna put your feet in the water you gotta take your shoes off.”

Colson broke out laughing at Iann’s comment, his whole body shaking with joy. He slipped his shoes off once he finished and dangled his feet of the edge.

“So, you really think cheddar cheese is the best cheese?” He asked, taking a sip of his beer.

“Noooo.” You whined, “I just don’t think it’s the worst kind of cheese. But obviously there are better cheeses.” You kicked your feet up, splashing Colson on accident.

He looked over at you, a mischievous glint in his eye. He reached his hand into the water, splashing water towards you. “Colson!” You squealed, laughing.

You returned the favor by flicking water at his shirt, at which point Iann left. “You get me wet and you die.” He said with a laugh.

Colson then cupped his hands together, bringing water up to your shirt and pouring it all over you, much to your dismay. Luckily, your shirt was black, but the water was still freezing. “Bro.” You pouted, looking over at Colson. He was smiling, but soon mimicked your pout.

“Aww, I’m sorry. Did the little princess get wet?” Your eyes went wide, and you slapped his chest. He grabbed your hand, pulling it up so you couldn’t hit him and accidentally pulling you closer to him. “I didn’t mean it like that!” He laughed, his hand intertwining with yours as he brought it back down.

“Colson…” You trailed off, warning him. He pouted, a sigh leaving his lips as he unlocked your fingers.

“Sorry, forgot I’m not supposed to do that.” You smiled a little, glad that things were slowly becoming normal. “I wanna go for a swim.” He changed the topic, standing up and pulling his shirt off.

“Colson it’s freezing. You’re gonna get sick.” You looked at him with wide eyes but a giggle falling from your mouth.

“Guess someone has to come in to keep me warm.” He shrugged, tugging his shorts down his legs so he was just in his boxers.

It was only at this point that you realized he was very drunk. A few moments later you felt the cold water splash your face as Colson jumped into the pool near you, coming up and running his hand through his hair.

He made his way back over to you, reaching for the beer that he left on the side of the pool. He half-stood in front of you, a needy smile on his face. “Get in the water with me Y/N.” He dragged out the last syllable of your name, causing you to roll your eyes.

“There is no way in hell I am getting in that water.” You chuckled, taking a hit of the joint in your hand.

Colson pouted, taking the blunt from you and smoking it himself. “I guess I could always just pull you in.” He grabbed your thighs and you moved backwards, fighting him.

“Colson, I don’t have a change of clothes, I’ll be cold.” You tried to squirm out of his grip, giggling.

“You can just wear my shirt or something. Someone will have something.” He shrugged, pulling you into the water.

“Colson!” You squealed before your entire body was encased in the cold liquid.

“Too late.” He said, a cheeky smile on his face. His arms wrapped around you as you turned to face the edge, ready to get out. “Noooo, you’re already in here.” He whined, dragging you towards his chest.

“Colson, it’s freezing. We need to get out.” You said, turning your head to face him.

“I don’t want to. This is the closest I’ve been to you in weeks. I just wanna enjoy this for a moment.” His head rested on top of your head, and you let yourself fall back into his chest.

You had to admit, you did miss his playfulness and his touch, and you really hadn’t been this close to him in a while. But you knew he wouldn’t be doing any of this if he wasn’t both drunk and stoned out of his mind.

You sighed, knowing you needed to end the moment, if not for your own sanity. “C’mon Col, we can’t do this. Let’s get out.”

He groaned. “We did this when we were friends before, how is this any different from that?”

You made your way to the edge of the pool. “It just is Colson.” You sighed, trying to mask the anger in your voice. You tried to pull yourself up to sit on the edge of the pool, but you couldn’t quite make it the first time. Colson, of course, took it upon himself to help you, grabbing your hips lightly to lift you up. He got out and sat next to you, both of you soaking wet.

He reached over and grabbed the shirt he was wearing earlier, passing it to you. “Here, so you don’t get sick.” He seemed to be sobering up, probably due to the cold water.

“Thanks.” Your voice was hushed, your cheeks burning with a blush that you couldn’t explain. It’s just a shirt, you told yourself. You stood up, preparing yourself to find somewhere private to change.

“Where are you going?” Colson asked, looking up at you.

“To change.” You said bluntly. “I can’t exactly strip in front of 40 people.”

Colson nodded, standing up next to you, pulling his shorts on. “Where are you going?” You asked him, a small smile on your face.

“Wherever you are.” He smiled and you rolled your eyes.

“Okay, I guess I can use you to clear my path inside.” You chuckled, starting to walk towards the crowd of people near the doors of the house. As you moved through the crowd you found yourself instinctively reaching back for Colson’s hand, not wanting to lose him as you moved through the crowd. He happily took the hint and moved closer to you, his free hand resting on your hip to help guide you to the doors, though you didn’t mind as much as you should have.

You made your way through the open glass door, suddenly very self-conscious about the clothes you were wearing and the fact that you were soaking wet. “Bathroom is this way.” Colson mumbled into your ear as the loud music blasted around you. The hand on your hip led you down a small hallway until you found the open bathroom.

You went in, turning to close the door when you saw Colson had followed you in. “I gotta change, Kells. You can’t be in here.”

“Woah woah woah.” He started, clearly offended, “You never call me Kells. That’s not allowed.” You giggled, rolling your eyes. “And I’ll just… look away.” He covered his eyes with his hands, moving his fingers to form a gap.

“Colson, seriously,” You laughed, “turn around.” He thankfully did as told, and you quickly removed the Misfits shirt you were previously wearing and replaced it with his long sleeve pink shirt. It wasn’t quite as long as the other one you were wearing, but it still went down to your upper thigh and the sleeves went far enough past your wrist for permanent sweater paws. Unfortunately, this meant you would have to keep your wet shorts on.

Upon realizing this, you let out a sigh of disappointment. “What?” Colson questioned, still facing the wall.

“You can look now.” He turned around. “It’s not as long as mine.” You pouted, stretching your arms out for him to see before flopping them back down to your sides.

Colson chuckled, “I really don’t see the problem, Y/N.”

You glared playfully, “I have to wear my wet fuckin shorts.” You whined, a pout on your lips.

“I meannn, you don’t have to.” Colson said, playfully. “I’m kidding, I’m kidding! But I don’t know what to do to help you.”

You let out a dramatic sigh, looking off into the distance. “I’m not giving you my pants, Y/N.” Another dramatic sigh. “Okay fine we’ll just go to his laundry room and through them in the dryer, okay?”

“See, you do know what to do to help me.” You smiled, grabbing your wet shirt and pushing Colson out of the bathroom.

The laundry room in Trippie’s house was surprisingly small, given his house was a small mansion. You were able, however, to close the door and pull off your wet clothes. Colson threw your shirt in the dryer as well.

You hopped up onto the washer, your legs dangling off. “You don’t have to stay, Colson.” You told him, knowing he probably wanted to rejoin the party.

“I’m good. This is much more fun than whatever’s going on out there.”

You laughed, “waiting for my clothes to dry? Whatever, loser.”

He moved towards you, his stomach touching your knees. “I’ve missed this.” He said, softly. You met his eyes with your own. “Just us doing stupid shit. Being friends.”

“We’re still friends, Cols.” You smiled, tilting your head to the side.

He sighed, “Yeah but we haven’t really been friends since…” He trailed off, but you knew what he meant. “Not real friends, at least.”

You sighed, trying to decide what you wanted to say. “I’m sorry about that. I just needed a little bit of space and it never felt like the right time to… talk. Like if we started talking in a group everyone would just think it’s weird.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” his hand reached out to touch your waist. “If anything, I should be apologizing. It’s my fault we’re stuck in this weird limbo shit anyways. I was honestly afraid the guys would kill me if I talked to you.”

“Well, good thing it’s not up to the guys anymore.” Your voice got soft as you realize how close your faces had gotten. “And we can be normal friends again.” You added.

Colson looked down. “Yeah, normal friends.” He tried to hide the disappointment in his voice but failed miserably.

“Colson, we’re just friends, right?” You asked, trying to convince yourself more than him.

He nodded, “Yeah, we’re just friends.” He looked up and met your eyes, and you could see the emotions in his crystal blue eyes. “But I don’t know that I can just be friends.” His voice was soft, making your heart sink deeper.

His head was inches away from yours, his nose almost touching your own. He leaned his head to the side, his eyes traveling your face. His lips were millimeters from yours. “Tell me that you don’t want this, and I’ll walk out right now.”

“I…” You couldn’t form a sentence with his lips so close to your own. “We shouldn’t.” You whispered.

“That’s not what I asked.” He paused, touching his nose to yours lightly. When he spoke, you could feel his words on your lips. “Do you want me to kiss you right now?”

You couldn’t answer him for a few seconds. “I don- I don’t know Colson.” You breathed out, leaning your forehead against his.

Part of you was hoping he would take matters into his own hands and just kiss you, but the other part of you knew you would regret anything that happened right now.

He jerked his head away from you, a frown etched across his face. “When are you gonna make up your goddamn mind? I can never figure out where I’m at with you.” His voice raised slightly, making you jump. “One minute we’re not even talking and the next you’re holding my fucking hand at a party. You say we’re just friends and then don’t say no when I ask if you want me to kiss you. Like what the fuck is this?” He ranted, causing your grip on the edge of the washer to tighten.

“Colson, I told you. I need time to figure all of this out. It doesn’t just happen overnight.” You tried to keep your voice calm.

“It’s been weeks, Y/N. How long do you need?”

Confusion took over your features, and then anger. “Colson do you even realize what you did? Honestly, you’re fucking lucky I even wanted to be friends. You kind of screwed me up, really bad. So, excuse me for needing time to figure out if you’re worth it or not.” Your eyes fell to the floor, suddenly very self-conscious of all the things Colson had said to you 2 months ago.

Colson scoffed, backing away from you, “Well honestly it would be a lot easier if we weren’t friends.” His words were harsh, and you were reminded that he wouldn’t change, not really. “Y/N I didn’t mean it like that.” His voice became soft, but it was already too late.

You hopped off the machine, pushing past him and pulling your damp shirt and shorts out of the dryer. With your back facing him, you pulled your shorts on and then took his shirt off, replacing it with your own.

“Y/N I’m sorry I jus-“

“No, Colson. I’m sorry. I keep forgetting that my existence seems to be the bane of yours.” You shove his shirt into his chest. “You don’t have to worry about me anymore.” You walked out of the small room and through the house, determined to call a cab home.

#mgk #mgk imagine #mgk angst #mgk fluff #machine gun kelly #machine gun kelly imagine #Colson baker #colson x reader #colson baker imagine #colson baker fluff #colson baker angst

[lunarecat]

My Problem with the Arbiter Vildred Skin…

First, I want to preface this up front:

This is a rant essay and it is just MY personal opinion and you do not have to agree. I am also in the minority here, so you should not take my opinion on the skin as a point of elitism or attack on your tastes, especially when most people are likely to agree with you lol. i think its a good design on its own and that you are completely valid if you like it, and this is not meant to be a judgement towards anyone who does like it. Vildred is a character that matters very very much to me, however, so i just really needed to just release my emotional distress about the skin somewhere, so if my being negative about it would upset you in any way, please do not read and please surround yourself with positivity about the skin<3

(Do NOT read beyond this if you dont want to see the negative takes, just warning you cuz I’m scared the “read more” feature wont work anymore lkjdhfg)

That said, here we go:

Why i really fucking hate this skin lol

1. This doesn’t look like a Vildred design to me at all. This looks like a general “insert cool edgy anime villain here” design and it looks like little was taken into account about Vildred himself as a character. This is actually baffling to me because super creative tries to be so thoughtful about their character designs, so Vildred looking like this as an end result is just… weird to me. If its the tragic end result of his story then I guess that makes sense but they had no reason to turn him into a whole other character without any fashion sense.

I am aware that in the original story, the “Straze” design was based on Vildred’s designed before being scrapped. This was a fuckin wise decision in my book because Vildred is such a strong character on his own that stringing him out to suit a much more boring and less appealing narrative than the tragic and packed one he already had wouldve been cheap and risked a badly written end result.

Regardless, that is no longer the current canon so the fact that this design just took various elements of straze and plastered them onto Vildred, whose episode 1 design does not lend itself at all to that aesthetic, nor did it even with proto-straze’ s design, just comes off as fucking lazy. I will come back to this point about laziness later…

First though, lemme Segway into number 2 with my next point

2. This design looks like characters who already exist in the game. Ive already talked at length about how it looks like straze but it also looks like Ran. I like Ran a lot, i like his history with Vildred, i also like how close they were in that history and the idea that Vildred took a lot of aesthetic inspiration from Ran is very nice and all. However, here’s the result of this: I dont see Vildred anymore. I see someone i used to love lost in a mess of too many other clashing elements. It’s unnecessary.

“That might be the point tho”, you say! Well, thats a good point! The tragedy of Vildred’s story is that he was a victim of so many other people’s schemes, manipulation, and influence. He was a pawn, so desperate for anyone to just be honest with him and treat him like someone worthy of respect, someone who *mattered*, that he opened his heart one more time at the last minute. And it was *only* because Ras was 2 seconds late in noticing Meru that he died, because Vildred dared to give someone 1 last chance to do right by him. Vildred as a person was thus lost in the tangled webs of so many others around him, no matter how hard he tried to control his own destiny and save others.

But here’s why that still doesnt fucking matter regarding the design of this stupid rta skin lmao:

This is a gacha game. A gacha game based around anime with high quality art. This is a gacha game that many people, like me, spend money on regularly, because we fall in love with the characters, and the first impressions we get of them are always gonna be their designs. *VISUALS. ARE. A TOP. PRIORITY.*

SO THIS IS A *BAD DESIGN NO MATTER HOW YOU SLICE IT*. HERE’S A SHORT LIST OF REASONS WHY.

1. Silhouette is WAY too similar to other existing characters in the game. Mort, Straze, Garo, Daydream Vildred, Dark Corvus, Ran etc. This already hurts his presence as a design because he’s gonna blend in too much with other units.

2. Color scheme is WAYYYYY too similar to other existing characters, for the same reasons as 1, hes gonna blend in too much but also (see 3)

3. Color scheme is also BAD. It’s good to have a skin color scheme/silhouette contrast with the original, because it creates a really strong design to juxtapose with the old one. It’s why spec tennys design is so fucking great. I appreciate that they tried to do that here but it was done SO BADLY OKAY DFKGLJH its monotonous, its not striking, it too dark so its blurs too much, and the way it looks in the animation? IS AWFUL. The specific shades they chose for his gray hair next to his skin/fur are not distinct enough, they blend awkwardly and cause a really unappealing clash with the monotonous black and purple things going on below.

4. What the fuck is this outfit its so ugly and bad i dont even know what exactly to say cuz I’m baffled they really let this leave the drawing room??? What the fuck is the spider man chest nonsense, he looks like Venom, i dont understand why they would make this visual which looks so out of place in this grandiose anime setting such a prominent focal point of one of their most popular and most marketed characters in the whole game?! Why is he wearing furry boots that look like the kind of trash high school kids throw away when they get over their Lolita goth phase. Why does he have 2 capes? Why does the second cape magically appear when he strikes with his sword? Why do they turn into demon wings? Youre already here, why couldnt he just have wings? Why’d you give him 2 capes at all? He didnt even need 1 cape lmao. His hair already acted as a pretty dynamic visual in the bg of his art. Why’d they even touch his hair also, that was the most important visual element of Vildred’s design cuz it set set him apart from other Ezeran characters and added so much more animation his actions. Imo thats just way too important a feature to risk potentially ruining it by messing with it. They also gave him furry shoulders again, i have NO idea why they did that, i dont think ive heard a single positive review about the shoulder fur on his otherwise decent rgb skin lmao.

5. YOU COVERED. VILDREDS. ARM MUSCLES. YOU COVERED THEM UP. YOU TACKED NEEDLESS JUNK ON TOP OF THAT TOO, WHY DOES HE NEED THE DRACO SCALES???? THIS IS VILDRED DAYERN. THE SWORDSMAN. VILDRED WHOSE RGB S3 DIRECTLY SPOTLIGHTS HIS ARM MUSCLES. VILDRED WHOSE ML PORTRAIT SHOVES HIS ARM MUSCLES RIGHT IN YOUR FACE. WHY IN THE *FUCK* WOULD YOU HIDE THEM?! I talked a lot about that but this is similar to the hair thing, NEW DESIGN REMOVES THE KEY FEATURES OF HIS ORIGINAL DESIGN AND REPLACES THEM WITH BAD SHIT THAT IS BAD DLFJKGH. I think they were so desperate to make the titty and happy trail window work that they thought they had to cover his arms to “balance out” the design? But if you ask me? That means youre making a bad design? Fucking try again? You literally just needed to give him a low cut shirt that could flap up to show his stomach later, what the fuck is with this full front window lol. This goes for the bad ML Luna design too btw, why on earth they thought the correct thing to do on Luna Big Titty Dragon Bianca’s ML design was to hide her titties inside some ugly boob socks is beyond me lmao. Is this how spec tenny simps felt when they took away her feet? Cuz god i feel your pain bro dlfgkjh

TLDR ITS THE MOST LAZY AS FUCK DESIGN EVER

I could probably go on but I’m tired of thinking about just how ugly this skin is so I’m gonna just hurry up and get to major point number 3:

I do not think this skin was meant to appeal to me or my demographic at all. This skin was meant to appeal to dudebros lmao. Dudebros being the short version of “horny cissexual hetero male gamer audience” for anyone not savvy to this new discourse slang lmao.

The chest and abs window might be meant for us???? but… that doesn’t matter when the rest of the skin looks awful sorry lmao.

Here’s the appeal of Vildred to the people outside of the dudebro fandom who adore him. The queer and fem audience. The non normative audience. The audience who makes fan art, fanfic, fanimations, cosplays, and community projects that SG both desperately wants to milk for free advertising but also shuns and ignores and fucks over constantly cuz we dont fit the straight bros only brand theyre trying to pander to.

The appeal is that VILDRED. IS. FUCKING. BEAUTIFUL. INSIDE AND OUTSIDE. HE’S GODDAMN PRETTY, HE HAS A FACE THAT IS LITERALLY DRAWN THE SAME WAY THE WAIFUS’ FACES ARE DRAWN, HE HAS LONG GORGEOUS HAIR, A SENSE OF HUMOR, AND A WARM SMILE, AND BIG BUFF ARMS THAT WOULD HUG YOU NICE AND TIGHT.

Why does this matter you ask? CUZ THIS IS WHAT SEPARATES HIM FROM YOUR STANDARD SHONEN GENRE BEEFCAKE HUSBANDOS!!! This is what makes *VILDRED* stand out from so many in his own gender category. He’s strong but not a huge beefcake. Dont get me wrong, my bi ass LOVES me some beefcake but if i wanted beefcake when i play this game, I’d play ML Ken (as i have many many times), I’d play Straze, I’d play Ran, Corvus, etc, OR I’d log out and play another game with a beefcake i love in it, cuz do you know who i play e7 for?! MY GODDAMN BEAUTIFUL GENDER NORM-DESTROYING HUSBANDO VILDRED FUCKING DAYERN.

I play for Vildred because Vildred has a tragic queer narrative that speaks to me, he has a painful angsty story that hurts my emotions cuz he was being used and manipulated for so long, yet he still finds a way to make you laugh with his sense of humor and his open heart. I play for Vildred because he makes me feel less alone in this miserable life and he fills me with inspiration for creative works. This is what’s called a comfort character and e7 actively panders to dudebros for this (ie their “feel less alone at christmas with us :3” stream) as does a lot of the anime industry, thats why mascots are so big in japan, they make u fucking happy when the real world fucking sucks.

So with all that said: WHY DID THEY EVER THINK THE CORRECT DECISION WAS TO MAKE VILDREDS EPIC SKIN THE POLAR OPPOSITE OF WHAT MAKES VILDRED SO SPECIAL AND APPEALING???

Oh right I guess cuz my demographic literally doesn’t matter to smilegate lmao. It doesn’t matter how much money *I’ve* spent on the game, or how much time I’ve given, how much creativity I’ve devoted to it, how much i participate in their community events, how much i recommend the game to other people cuz I WANT the game to be successful and make MONEY.

I’m not part of the dudebro collective that funds the majority of the game’s profits, and i *especially* am not a dudebro who can play on the region locked japan server lmao.

So no matter how much Vildred Dayern means to me, no matter how much i cherished him over the past few years, no matter how much he comforted me when i was at my most dysphoric, when i was most depressed in school, or when i was most miserable at work… it doesnt matter what i wanted for him. 8’)

But guess what this is my blog lmao

So here’s what they SHOULD HAVE DONE, according to me, one of Vildred’s most devoted simps lmao:

I figured there were basically 2 SAFE options for this skin, safe as in you’d have to *really* work hard to fuck them up, they are no brainer husbando types that you cant possibly do badly.

Option 1: Demonic Husbando Vildred

Option 2: A pretty kimono Vildred (this would probably be like a “in death i long to have walked the path of light with you after all…” kinda narrative, a similar ‘saint afterlife’ thing as ruele/kise if they didnt wanna pretend vildras doesnt exist anymore now that they have violulu to pander with, but they also literally could have just stuffed him in a pretty outfit like they did with tenebria and it’d be goddamn FINE)

Demonic *Husbando*:

i realize thats technically what the actual skin was but i mean a GOOD demonic husbando, the kind we would WANT to marry, i mean a fucking PRETTY, HANDSOME, ALLURING demonic husbando, not the ugly tragic husbando they made cuz they actually thought what we wanted was to play with sad vildred for the next 10 years at the absolute *worsT* point in his miserable life.

The RIGHT way to do this:

-dark robes with a BRIGHT accent, usually red but purple couldve still worked

-a color scheme with STRIKING contrast. See above point^ that accent color needs to POP against the dark design

-SHOW THE SCAR IN SOME WAY BUT NOT IN AN UGLY WAY YOU DUDEBRO PANDERING MOTHERFUCKERS SLDFJKGH

-H O R N S. The current design does have these, GOOD FUCKING JOB YOU DID ONE THING RIGHT!<3

-dark hair cuz this is Vildred and thats one of those key elements i said they need to leave alone but ADD A POPPING ACCENT!: either bright colored hair tips (like spec tenny’s) or some popping hair pieces (big fan of bright colored eastern hair pieces, gold is especially nice) or add bright ombré colors to his horns (make them glow red/pink/purple at the end or something)

-NO EXTRA BULK ON HIS DESIGN, he can be shredded, just dont add any heavy or busy design elements cuz we’re trying to stick to vildred’s type here and avoid the bulky beefcake aesthetic we have with dark Corvus or ml ken.. or straze..

-I’d personally have the robes or capes drape entirely behind him so hes got a skirt silhouette but his front and legs are totally visible, mostly because thats the Ezeran style he seems to favor but if youre a demon lord we need some formality and we need to unify his rgb skin with the rest of his designs in some way

-add some loose areas to his clothing to reveal peeks at any non-human skin changes like we have on the real skin (they know exactly how to make it look cool on tenebria there is no reason for arby to be ugly about it lmao)

-if you still want the window on his whole front, thats fine, but here’s how to do it: literally give him a robe or shirt.. and have it be completely open lol. He does not need to be Spider-Man 3 to showcase his scar for people.

The corrupt Vildred thing can be just fine for this too, he can have dragon/demon arms and skin now but you have. To fucking. Think. PRETTY about it dfkgljdlkfjhg.

Option 2:

This idea is a little more vague cuz i wasnt actually sure how they SHOULD do this one since it depends on so many factors, namely whether they even wanted to do this over the more obvious archdemon option or if they wanted him to be reborn saintly like ruele or just hot like tenebria. The basic idea tho, is literally just design a pretty vildred in a kimono lmao why a kimono? Cuz we’re in natalon, we’re trying to appeal to Japanese players, we’re trying to appeal to anime fans, we’re trying to compete with Genshin who released inazuma last year, BUT IT DOESNT EVEN HAVE TO BE THAT DEEP OKAY, IT IS THE SIMPLEST THING IN THE WORLD TO TAKE A PRETTY MAN AND DRESS HIM PRETTY I AM NOT ASKING MUCH LMAOOO

If he does need a narrative tho, here’s one: The basic idea is design a Vildred who regret what he did or at least died at peace in his heart, so he’s now on a light path again in this new life after he died, despite the archdemon corruption. This means he still looks tragic but much more willowy and sympathetic way rather than a tragic sexy way like hed be in option 1 (tho this will still be a sexy style trust me).

-dark robes, (most likely one of those kimono-remixes he had in his rgb skin again just cuz the aesthetic suits him and it looks nice for a premium skin after years of using him in a western looking suit), with purple/red colors that appear at the ends and such

-some sort of halo behind him reminiscent of arch meru’s tho in this case it indicates a saintly vibe over a devilish one

-horns are still very fine i will never complain about giving my waifus and husbandos horns its my favorite thing dlkfjgh

-a nice slender and sleek silhouette, DO NOT BULK HIM UP I SWEAR DLFGJH this is especially important here tho cuz we wanna emphasize the tragic aspect which means the less powerful/hulky he looks aside from muscles, the better

In summary: just dont take a Bishonen man and turn him into an ugly monster man idk how thats so hard dlfkgjh

I also wanna complain about how rushed this skin feels, the animation looks so BAD?! WERE THEY EVEN DONE SHADING IT???? The english voice acting is also BAD (and i do NOT think thats his va’s fault, i think they just didn’t have this design finalized when he came in so there was a lot of ????? As to what to do for it???? No idea but its bad and they didnt even take the time to proof read the translations lmao “There is no light. All there is, is silence and regret.” I HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS, COULD YOU LITERALLY NOT HAVE RUN THIS BY A SINGLE OTHER TRANSLATOR DLKFGJH “There is no light… There is only silence and regret.” THERE I FIXED IT, IT TOOK 0 TIME DFLKJGH.

My final complaint for now:

I stayed up for this announcement like an idiot cuz i wanted to see the Vildred skin so bad… and not only did they reveal *this* lazy ass design, but also, Mashuu and Geguri spent the whole stream bro-ing out about their waifus for valentines, which is COMPLETELY fine, I’d be doing that too if i hosted cuz I’m bi for the women’s too. But because of the Vildred skin now being the biggest disappointment for me in this game so far, it just made me feel that much more erased, like this game is just 110% not for me lmao. It’s a horny cishet man’s game and they are just allowing me to exist near it. I’m just so glad to know exactly how little I and anyone else in my position matters to them because all they see is profit and only profits from the loudest, safest, most obnoxious majority to pander to. I feel awful for any queer person or woman who has to deal with the bullshit of working there, and i hope you find a better place to be, and i hope this IP finds a better company willing to respect its integrity.

OKAY I THINK IVE ROASTED THIS WHOLE THING THOROUGHLY ENOUGH NOW, GOOD NIGHT~

#catext

[oboevallis]

who is he pt 4

BESTIES!!!!! it’s been tooooooo long ive just had no motivation 🤪 but today we had parade rehearsal and they didn't really need me so i had time to write this, sorry its been so long!!! i hope everyones doing well and staying safe

part 1 part 2 part 3

“Is link your boyfriend?” Scout asked as his mother cut his waffles.

“No, he isn’t. We’re just friends.”

“Why do we spend so much time with him?” In the following weeks of the zoo excursion, the trio had done countless things with one another.

“Just cause.” Amelia quickly said, starting to get nervous, hoping her son wouldn't ask to elaborate.

“Okay.” Scout shrugged, dropping the subject. Eliciting a sigh of relief from his mother. “Is he coming to my softball game tonight?”

“Yeah, I think he is.”

“Oh.”

“Do you not want him to?”

“Well, he works for baseball players, and they’re all really good; what if he thinks I’m a bad player?”

“Oh babe, he won’t think that at all. I’m sure he’ll be very impressed.” It took a lot of begging for Amelia to allow Scout to play softball, but the more she watched her son played, the prouder she was of him. He was a good player for a kid his age.

_______________________________________

“Mom? What are you doing here?” Link asked as he opened his apartment door.

“I came to visit you since you never come to see us.” His mother brought him into a hug as she walked further in.

“A little notice would’ve been nice.” The man sighed, picking up the mini cooler that was on the counter and his sunglasses.

“Oh, I’m sorry.” Maureen realized her son was getting prepared to leave. “Are you going somewhere?”

“Uh, yeah, I am.”

“There’s no baseball game today, though.” Maureen had checked before she came to assure her son would have time to spend with her.

“Yeah, I’m just going out; I’ll be back in maybe two hours? Just entertain yourself, and the guest room should be clean if you want to stay in there.” Link pointed across the hall.

“Okay, thanks.” Maureen sadly smiled, slightly offended at her sons' offish behavior.

________________________________________

“You look like your gonna throw up.” Link chuckled as he sat down next to Amelia handing her a water from the cooler.

“I’m just terrified he’s gonna hit his head in just the wrong space and immediately die.” Amelia quickly ranted as she watched her son step up to the base; this was her usual freak-out routine when her son would be playing.

“He’s gonna be just fine, Mia.” Amelia quickly diverted her attention to the man; he hadn’t used the nickname in 5 years. “Sorry I-“

“Shh.” Amelia shushed him as their son hit the ball and start bolting for the next base, standing up when he fell face-first as he tried to reach the base. “Crap.”

“Hey, it’s okay.” He grabbed her arm, seating her, when he got up and kept running. “He’s okay.”

“Okay.” Amelia shifted awkwardly, putting her hand on her chest to try and control her breathing. “I hate this.”

“Look at how happy he is, though.” Link loved his son, even if the boy didn’t know he was his father. But that fact broke his heart; to the little boy, he was just a friend.

“He’s getting suspicious.”

“Hmm?” Link hummed, shoving some peanuts in his mouth.

“He asked if we were dating; I said no, obviously.” For some reason, this stung the man. “But he’s smart; he’s gonna realize eventually, so maybe we should talk about telling him.”

“And you're okay with this?” Link asked hopefully.

“He’s gonna find out eventually.” Amelia sighed, picking at her nail. “I mean, I don’t really have a choice; I’ve already messed up too much. Depriving both of you of a relationship from each other.”

“I don’t blame you, not anymore.” Link whispered. “You were protecting him, and yourself. I mean, I’m upset I missed so much, but I get it.” Amelia looked at the man and genuinely smiled.

“Thank you.” The woman whispered with tears in her eyes.

_______________________________________

“Mom, did you see that?” Scout cheered as he ran into his mother’s arms. “I made a home run!”

“I know, I’m so so so proud of you.” Amelia laughed as she spun the boy around.

“You did really great, bud.” Link smiled, patting the boy's back.

“Thanks, Link.” Scout smiled brightly.

“I’ll have to take you to a Mariners game sometime.” Link smiled, thinking about bringing his son to a game and introducing him to the players. “If it’s okay with your mom, of course.”

“We can work something out.” Amelia reluctantly smiled.

“Can we get donuts?” Scout asked, jumping on the balls of his feet.

“Sure.” Amelia laughed at her sons' excitement over donuts, reminding her of how her ex-boyfriend used to act.

“Can Link come?” Scout asked.

“If he wants to.” Amelia smiled at the man, who eagerly nodded.

“I’d love to; donuts are my absolute favorite.” Link smiled, knowing that his son loved his favorite snack as much as he did. “You know they have a Gotham Donuts in Seattle now?”

“I didn’t,” Amelia said, taken aback, thinking back to the New York fiasco, and how she was falling in love with the man.

“Let’s go!!!!” Scout said, starting to get impatient, pulling his mother’s arm.

“Alright, alright.”

________________________________________

“They don’t taste exactly like the ones in New York, but they’re still my favorite.” Link said after he shoved a whole donut in his mouth.

“Everything pastry wise is better in New York. Especially, bagels,” Amelia remarked.

“Yeah, my mom won’t let us ever get bagels. Only when we’re in New York.” Scout laughed, making Link smile. The man recalled one morning when he brought home breakfast bagels for the two, and she refused to eat them.

“She’s very dramatic, huh?” Link smirked, making eye contact with the woman.

“Hey! Am not!” Amelia playfully defended.

“You are, though, mommy.” Scout agreed with the man.

“Alright, I guess just a little bit.” Amelia caved, running the boy's hair through his fingers, noticing the boy's eyes start to droop the longer they sat. “You getting tired, bud?”

“Mmmhmm.” The boy nodded, snuggling into his mother’s side.

“Okay, let’s get you to bed.” Amelia helped scout out of the booth. “Thanks so much, Link.”

“Yeah, of course.” He’d been trying to keep his tears at bay as he watched the interaction between the two. “Great job today!”

“Thanks.” Scout waved as the two walked off.

________________________________________

When Link arrived back at his apartment, he found dinner in the microwave, and his mother fast asleep in the spare bedroom. The bedroom that should be Scout’s. He remembered the night the couple crashed at his apartment, and he took her into the room, and they mapped out how the nursery would be set up. The orthopedic surgeon shook the thought of his head and went into his room, quickly finding his bed and falling asleep.

“Link.” His mother’s soft voice jutting him out of sleep.

“What?” Link asked, somewhat shocked to of been woken up, almost forgetting his mother was even there.

“You left your phone in the kitchen, and someone called Meredith keeps calling.” Maureen raised her eyebrow, trying to determine if this was a possible love interest.

Link took the ringing phone from his mother while trying to contain his eye roll. “What’s up?”

“Don’t freak out.” Meredith’s shaky voice rang in his ears.

“What? What happened?” Link sat up abruptly in his bed, his mother perking up at her sons' nervousness.

“There was a car crash.” Before she could continue, he jumped up from his bed and started to get dressed, trying to calm his shakiness. “Scout is fine. Maggie is with him, and he just has a tiny laceration on his forehead, which is being patched up as we speak?”

“And Amelia?” The man's heart dropped at the hesitation, suddenly regretting everything that had not happened between the two, especially not fighting to be in her and her sons' life.

“She was unconscious when they brought her in; Koracick is bringing her up to CT. He’s the best.” Link could sense the woman’s pain with saying that; he knew she’d prefer her late husband. The one who Amelia would talk so fondly of, and aspire to be.

“And the other person?” The man asked, heading to the door, his mom following him and confiscated his keys. He was about to yell at her until he realized how shaky his hands were; it was probably too dangerous to drive himself.

“Tox screen came back; he was definitely intoxicated. He should be fine, though.” Before he knew what he was doing, he abruptly hung up, regretting that he even asked. Once the pair got to the parking lot, everything seemed to be in slow motion. He remembered his mom asking for directions, and standing outside of the hospital, unable to find the strength to walk in.

#amelia shepherd #amelink #atticus lincoln #baby amelink #greys anatomy #greysanatomy #greys fanfic #greys anatomy fanfic #scout lincoln #Maureen Lincoln #maggie pierce #meredith grey #tw car crash

[oimoi-op]

when were you diagnosed with t1d?

Ok, so storytime! Short answer is, as of today, barely over two months ago. 

(Very long post warning y’all, contains hospital mention and extensive, possibly upsetting descriptions of health conditions, specifically DKA)

My family doesn’t really have a history of T1D or even T2D, though my second-cousin-once-removed has had T1D for over a decade now. So, there was never any reason for me to try and get tests done for it. The only sign I really had up until last semester was two copies of a variant of an HLA gene that I knew about from a 23andMe report (which, according to the report, put me at a higher risk for celiac’s and nothing else), but of course at that time I had no idea that that could mean anything serious; after all, that sort of thing only happens to other people, right?

My college started in-person classes in the latter half of August. By October, I started feeling tired, having a lack of appetite, and needing water very, very badly. I actually went to my school’s clinic, and my erratic heartbeat prompted the doctor to recommend me for a Covid-19 test. My school’s protocols meant that I had to quarantine at my home (since I live within two hours of campus) until I got a negative test result. At home, I was drinking water all the time and sleeping constantly, and my parents had commented on how I’d been losing weight. I thought these were all good things. I had been slightly overweight at my high school graduation, and I’d always heard that drinking a lot of water is good for you, so I thought I was actually in excellent health even if I kind of felt like shit most of the time.

Well. Uh. I was wrong.

When finals came around in mid-November, I was just fucking tired. I’d get a decent eight hours of sleep and still have to take naps during the day. Hell, I was even late for work because I slept through one of my nap alarms. Studying was a pain in the ass. Attending classes was a pain in the ass. Staying awake for Zoom classes was a pain in the ass. I was waking up at 5 am to go to the bathroom, and then I would drink the rest of my water, refill it, drink half of it again, and then go back to sleep. Finally, November 20th rolled around, and I got to leave campus. It was my birthday (yeah I am a Scorpio and that weirds all of my friends out lol), and my parents took me to Fusion. And I just...couldn’t eat at all? I love hibachi, but I couldn’t even eat half of my food. The chef even got me a delicious banana split that I had to basically bully my younger sister into eating with me.

For the next week, I was sleeping about 18 hours a day. I didn’t think this was weird because I’d just had finals so yeah, it makes sense that I would be tired after exams and whatnot. I went shopping with my mom, sister, and sister’s bff. We were only out for a few hours, but I was fucking wiped out y’all, like in pain. Thanksgiving arrived, and again, I love food, I love eating, but I was not hungry in the slightest. I basically had to force myself to eat some of my favorite holiday foods just so I wouldn’t offend my mom, and then I didn’t eat for the day.

The very next morning, I was puking my guts out.

This started a pattern for the next few days: I would eat chicken noodle soup or some other food, sleep like the dead, and throw up every morning and every night. I started chugging large bottles of Gatorade constantly (which, if you know about diabetes and its health complications, did not help my situation in the slightest). I started breathing erratically after very little exertion. Like, I’m talking standing up and stretching brought about heavy, labored breathing. I weighed myself on my parents’ scale, and I was under 130 lbs. Now, for some people this might seem like a lot, but due to my height and build I could fucking see some of my ribs. That was when I started to realize that something was very, very wrong, but “losing weight is good” and I didn’t want my parents to laugh at me for voicing concerns (though, for all their faults, in hindsight, I doubt they would’ve). Yeah. Don’t do that, folks, that’s not a good mindset to have. 

On Sunday, my mom took me to town to get tested for Covid. This was despite me saying that I didn’t have symptoms (which I knew very well due to some of my friends catching it at school). Rapid test came back negative, so I did a culture test. Hell, while I was sitting in the damn chair, I was about to pass out. I asked for a nausea pill but my mouth was too dry for it to dissolve. I got a cup of water, downed it all, and felt like my throat was on fire. For the rest of the day I felt so, so awful. At some point I was walking toward my bed in my room and I fucking fell. I’m fucking lucky there was carpet. 

Regarding the rest of that night, things start to get blurry, for the lack of a better term. I legitimately cannot recall everything that happened that night or the following two days, so I will just try to explain it in the way I remember it best.

Around...midnight or one??? I was on fucking fire, so I went to my bathroom and decided to lie on the floor. The floor was hardwood and not at all cold, and it wasn’t fucking comfortable even in that state, but I was just in so much pain I didn’t even care. My mom must’ve heard because she found me there and asked me what I was doing. I said something about the floor. She asked me to go back to bed, but I must’ve scared her because she asked me if I wanted her to lie in the bed with me. I don’t remember what I said to her, but we were in the bed and she was trying to hug me, but she was too warm and so I told her to stop. I kept feeling this burning just below my chest, like there was acid in me (which I guess wasn’t too far off), so I would randomly sit up to try and alleviate the pain and not cry. I remember asking my mom to take me to the hospital in the morning.

My mom put me in the truck (I think around 5 am is what she told me). I remembered hearing my dad. I was lying down. Then I was awake, but I was on the floor. I thought this was wrong so I tried to tell my mom that but I guess I couldn’t talk. Then I was in a hospital bed, the ER I assume. My mom gave me some water with a sponge, and I was just so fucking thirsty. Then I was in the ICU hooked up to a bunch of machines. I didn’t know what was going on, but my mom kept giving me water with that sponge. That is all I remember from Monday.

I remember a little bit more from Tuesday. My mom said something about diabetes, but that didn’t make any sense to me because I wasn’t “fat” and I’d been losing weight, even! What had I done to get diabetes? I was thirsty and tired, so I slept a lot. At some point I really needed to use the restroom so I unhooked my IV???? (I mean I must’ve disconnected myself somehow but I can’t remember the details) which set off a shit ton of alarms and people were Very Concerned and kept asking me Why Did You Do That? But I just needed to go to the restroom, and they told me to use the Red Button to Call the Nurse (it was already there, and I now realize that we’d probably had a similar conversation about the Red Button to Call the Nurse possibly multiple times before this) in the future. A Chopped Teen Tournament from 2017 was playing on the TV nonstop. There were commercials for CGMs. I thought that God wasn’t being very funny about the whole thing.

As of now I remember even less of Wednesday, but I know that felt better. There was this diabetes specialist who kept talking about insulin and life at college moving forward, but I wasn’t really there, either because of being so out of it for health reasons, disassociating, or a combination of the two. My mom told me she had emailed a professor so he would give me an extension on an assignment that was due by then, and I remember crying because I thought that was just so nice of him. That night, this guy got me in a wheelchair and put me in another room, which I would later learn was the ACU. My night nurse was this nice woman named Tanya, who had a very thick Eastern European accent. She got me orange juice to take some potassium pills, but it felt like swallowing rocks. I didn’t really get a lot of sleep, so I was awake when the nurses changed shifts. I remember one of them expressing surprise that I was out of the ICU so early.

My mom took longer to come that day because nobody had told her I’d been moved. I’d had plain Cheerios and orange juice for breakfast, but I couldn’t really eat because my throat hurt so badly. I talked to a lot of doctors. I guess at this point or somewhere near it I accepted that I had diabetes, but it wasn’t really real until the same diabetes specialist was going over carbs. I thought I was never going to eat shit I liked ever again. I really wanted a fucking McChicken sandwich. I signed some papers for Medicaid because I had aged out of the CHIP while in the hospital. I finally texted my friends and explained to them what had happened. I was so fucking tired.

I got out the next day, so that was Thursday. Normally, I would’ve been in the hospital much longer (especially because my Medicaid hadn’t been approved, meaning no insurance had approved of my insulin yet), but Covid cases were on the rise and the hospital wanted me out of there. The diabetes specialist and one of my nurses snuck me two fast-acting and two basal insulin pens, and I was out. I ate half a McChicken, a small fry, and drank my first Diet Coke. It tasted like diesel mixed with piss. 

That’s the gist of it. The hospital staff was very nice and thoughtful the entire time, I think. I felt as though everyone involved cared about my health a lot. 

For those of you who aren’t T1D or just don’t know, what I experienced is called DKA, short for diabetic ketoacidosis. To simplify, I was very close to entering a diabetic coma. My sister later told me that our dad had said (I assume a doctor had told my mother, who, in turn, had told him) that I was “approximately 45 minutes” away from death. DKA happens when a diabetic (usually a T1D like me) has too much blood sugar in their body due to them lacking the insulin necessary to break the sugar down, so their body breaks down their fat reserves and muscle to get the energy it needs. This is why I lost around 50 pounds over the course of a few months (I was 118 lbs. when I entered the hospital, the lowest I’ve been since grade school). I was officially diagnosed with T1D on November 30th, just ten days after my 19th birthday, which is a little older than normal I believe. It’s...well, it’s not fun, but I feel very grateful for my large support system, and tomorrow I’m trying out a CGM for the first time and applying for both it and a pump, so things are really looking up 

#personal #iamapincushion #t1d #type one diabetes #type one diabetic #dka #diabetic ketoacidosis #tw hospital #tw dka #i don't think you meant me for to respond with such a long answer #but #well #it's something i've been wanting to post for a while now and this seemed like a good opportunity

[skywalkersthelimit]

Okay so I'm super nervous to post this but I wrote this one-shot for the #trikey fandom. Ive had this idea for awhile but I finally got around to writing it. It's based off the song Lips of an angel by Hinder. I think its perfect for Michael and Trevor lol so please let me know what you think and I hope you enjoy!

Honey, why are you calling me so late?

It’s kinda hard to talk right now 

Honey, why are you crying, is everything okay? 

I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud 

Michael woke up to his phone ringing on his bedside table. He knew who it was before he even looked. He didn’t know how or why because it could have been a number of people. He reached over and grabbed the phone. His eyes squinted from the bright light. Trevor. He was both glad and disappointed he was right but he supposed he might have willed it to be. His thoughts had been filled with his crew mate, best friend and sometimes more, but that was before Amanda and the kids. Well that wasn’t entirely true. Every time they went on a job together, they fell into each other as soon as they were alone in their hotel room. Michael just couldn’t help himself. 

It had been a few months since he had seen Trevor though. He tried to put distance between them. He knew that Trevor had a hard time just sleeping together on occasions and understanding Michael had a family to go home to. Michael wanted nothing more than for his friend to be happy but he just couldn’t be the one to give it to him.

He stared as the phone rang and debated answering but he pictured Trevor’s face the last time he had seen him with tears rolling down his face, begging Michael to stay. His heart clenched and he answered.

“Hello?” he whispered. He looked over at Amanda still sleeping. He had to be quiet. He didn't want to wake her and have her find out who he was talking to. He didn’t feel like fighting tonight. 

“Hey." Trevor’s voice rang out on the other side of the phone. 

“Jesus, Trev. Do you know what time it is?” He flinched as the words left his mouth. He didn’t mean to sound upset but he did. 

Trevor laughed dryly. 

“Oh I’m sorry, Princess. Am I interrupting your beauty sleep? I thought I might call my best friend who hasn’t talked to me in months” he said coldly. 

“Trevor, if you want to talk you can call and you can call during the day.” Amanda moved next to him. He had to be quiet. 

“Works both ways. If you wanted to talk you would have called. But you didn’t.” His voice cracked and ended in a broken sob. Michael hated himself a little more. 

“T, why are you crying? Is everything okay?” he whispered. He wished he was there with Trevor right now. He would pull him into his arms and hold him until the tears stopped like he always did. 

“Speak up M. I cant hear you" 

“I have to be quiet or I’ll wake up-" he let his sentence go unfinished, trying to be careful not to set T off. 

“Ah, of course. Wouldn’t want to wake the Mrs. I’ll let you go." He could hear the anger, the jealousy, the sadness, and the pain in Trevor’s voice. 

“No!” he said rather loudly. He snapped over to look at Amanda, who just turned over on her side away from him. He sighed. “Don’t go. Just- Hang on.” He got out of bed quietly and snuck out the room. He grabbed his cigarettes off the counter and sat down on the couch, lighting one up and taking a deep inhale and exhale. He wasn't supposed to smoke in the house, but fuck it. 

Well, my girl's in the next room

Sometimes I wish she was you

I guess we never really moved on

It's really good to hear your voice saying my name

It sounds so sweet

Coming from the lips of an angel

Hearing those words - it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye

But, girl, you make it hard to be faithful

With the lips of an angel

“Now tell me what’s going on, Trev. I can't be too loud. Mandy and the kids are in the other room asleep" he explained. 

“I-I don’t know. I just needed to hear your voice.” Trevor replied quietly, his voice soft and tight like he was trying to stop himself from crying. Michael wondered what had him so upset. He had heard he had a boyfriend of sorts from Lester and apparently they’ve been doing jobs together for L since Michael saw T last. When L told him, he saw red. He got wasted and wound up outside screaming and crying at the night sky. Trevor was his, but he wasn't and he never would be. He didn’t want to but he hoped Trevor was calling to tell him he left that guy and to ask when Michael was coming back to work, to him. There was also a chance Trevor was calling because he was drunk and cranked out. Either due to said guy or something else or even for the hell of it. He might be in trouble or lying somewhere drugged out.

“Is it that guy you’re with?” Michael realized how incredibly jealous he sounded but maybe he was. Maybe he missed being on the road, never staying in one place too long. Maybe he missed the thrill of the job, and maybe he missed looking over in the middle of a heist and grinning at Trevor who was grinning just as hard back. Maybe he missed pulling Trevor into a hard kiss as soon as their hotel door shut and having the most passionate nights of his life, and then falling asleep in his lover’s arms. Maybe he even missed the times they just sat on the bed and talked for hours about any and everything. Maybe sometimes he wished it was Trevor who was in the other room, waiting for him to come back to bed. 

“How-how do you even know about that?” Trevor asked, sounding surprised. 

“Lester.” 

“Of fucking course. Well not that it’s any of your business but he's asleep. It ain’t like he’s my boyfriend or anything. You know I ain’t they settling type. There’s only one exception. Fuck. I miss you, Mikey.” He sobbed. 

“Trev-" 

“It's okay. I understand. It’s just so good to hear your voice, Mikey.” There goes that nickname again. A nickname only Trevor called him. A nickname that sounded so sweet coming from Trevor’s lips. Like an angel. A fallen angel maybe. 

“It's really good to hear your voice too T. Mikey. That’s a name I haven't heard in awhile” he said fondly. 

“What, too good to be called Mikey anymore?” T said annoyed. 

“No, not at all. Although you are the only one who calls me that, but I like it.” He felt his cheeks flush and his heart flutter as he spoke. 

“Yeah?” 

“Yeah. Now tell me what’s going on please."

“When are you gonna do a job? It’s been months. We miss you out there. I miss you. I-I need you, Mikey. Please come back to me. I can't stop thinking about you. You haunt me every waking moment, and even in my dreams. Do you dream of me?” Hearing those words made Michael feel weak. He almost told Trevor he was on his way, grabbed his car keys and left without a second thought, but he couldn’t. He wouldn’t leave his children. He might do a few jobs now and then but he wouldn’t choose that life over them. No matter how bad he craved it, craved him.

It's funny that you're calling me tonight

And, yes, I've dreamt of you too

And does he know you're talking to me?

Will it start a fight?

No, I don't think she has a clue

“Trevor, I-I want to be there. You know I do, but I got Tracey and Jimmy to think about, but I think about you too. All the time. Especially lately. It’s funny you called. And yeah, I’ve dreamt of you too T.” He didn’t know why he was being so open about this, about whatever it was between them, but hearing how broken Trevor sounded and how it matched how he felt inside, he knew they both needed to hear it. To hear that Michael cared about him, that he missed Trevor just as much as he missed him. 

“Oh yeah? What’d you dream about, cowboy?” he asked and Michael could picture his thick eyebrows wagging. He laughed, genuinely laughed. Something he hadn’t done since the last time he saw Trevor. 

“It wasn’t like that. Well not all like that.” Now it was Trevor’s turn to laugh. 

“Tell me.” He told Michael. 

“We were in a nice house, our house. We were happy.” He whispered, afraid of the way his dream made him feel. He didn’t want to dream of Trevor, of their future that would never be. He wished he could let Trevor go, but he didn’t think he ever fully would. 

“It doesn’t have to be a dream, Mikey. The kids can be in your life, our life.” Trevor pleaded. Michael had to change the subject before he agreed. 

“What about that guy you've been seeing? Does he know you’re talking to me? Won't he get mad?” 

"I told you he's not my boyfriend. I don't care if he gets mad, but no, he doesn't know I'm talking to you. He doesn't know anything about you except you're the great Michael Townley, expert thief. He actually wants to meet you." Trevor laughed dryly at that. "What about Amanda? Does she know you're talking to me? Does she know anything?" 

Does she know anything, meaning does she know when Michael goes away to work he all but forgets about her? Does she know that his nights with Trevor are filled with more passion than their whole marriage has ever seen? Does she know that Michael's heart will never fully belong to her?

"No, no I don't think she has a clue, Trev." He sighed. The guilt constantly ate at him and he tried so hard to be the husband she deserved, the father his children deserved, but he never would me. He belonged to the game, to Trevor, but it didn't matter. How he felt didn't matter, couldn't matter. He would push his feelings down to the bottom of his heart with a smile. 

"Mikey. I miss you so much. So much it hurts. I can't get you out of head, out of my heart. I've tried drugs and alcohol. I've tried fucking anyone in sight and even getting a wannabe you, but nothing works. I've tried telling myself you're better off with her, but you're not. You're miserable and so am I. Please just do the best thing for you, for us." He begged through sobs. Michael could hardly make out what he was saying.

He felt tears rolling down his face. He felt Trevor's words stab his soul. He tried to drown Trev out too. He drank so much even he was worried. He smoked several packs of cigarettes a day. He went to strip clubs almost every night and almost every time he brought one of the girls to his car or a hotel for a quick fuck. He just wanted to feel numb, to never know the pain of loving someone you could never be with. What was that saying? It's better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. He wasn't sure if he agreed, but inevitably he did. He would feel this pain a thousand times just to know what it was like to love and be loved by this man. What it felt like to lay in his arms as he rubbed his back and kissed his head. He couldn't give that up. He wasn't ready for that. 

"I'm gonna call Lester tomorrow and get a job set up. I'll let you know where to go. Everything will be okay. I'll see you in a few days. I promise. Okay?" 

"Yeah okay, but what about-" Michael cut him off. 

"We'll talk about everything then." He knew he was lying and Trevor probably did too. They both knew he would never be able to leave his family and that pretty little white lies would have to suffice them. 

"Okay Mikey, I'll see you in a few days. And you better show up" he threatened, half jokingly. 

"I'll be there, Trev. And Trev?" 

"Yeah?" 

"Next time call me during the day" he said chuckling. 

"Yes princess. See ya soon Mikey." He said before hanging up. 

Trevor just makes it too hard to be faithful and Michael was weak. 

#trikey #michael de santa #trevor philips #gta v #Spotify

[bakugoubabygirl]

           okay before I start she going to choose one. Don't worry if its not the one you wanted her to choose bc its going to be  a Roller coaster  of emotions and a lot of back and forth for awhile  BC I FUCKING LOVE BOTH  OF THESES BOYS. also  there will be smut soon and it wont be vanilla .  

                                                        YOUR POV

          "Lets go before they find us" I whispered tugging on Bakugou arm.  He didn't say a word and followed me.  " Lets get some food at the stand" I gave him smile. Bakugou followed me he seem kind of moody though more moody then usual .           " Are you going to say yes?" Was he asking about tododroki. I didn't give much thought to that . I like him  a lot but if I was being honest with myself i had feelings for someone else.       " I dont know I like him a lot and i think it would be amazing. But i also think I have feelings for someone else. To be fair they haven't shown no sign of returning this feeling. Maybe I ought to say yes and forget about the other guy like that" I admitted.        " Who is this other guy" He asked. Why was he so damn interested and how can i tell him its him.         "Not telling" I felt my face getting red. Next thing I Knew I was getting pinned against a wall.           " Tell me" He growled. Why was this bothering him so much. If only he knew that telling him would ruin our friend ship . He would never look at me the way I look at him. because I was made to  be the villan.  Bakugou strive to be perfect at everything and I was not perfect.           " Bakugou Its you stupid" Then I broke free from his grasp . I didn't want t o know his reaction or have him mocked me. I hurried and disappear into the crowd.    Still haven't found any thing to eat my tummy started growl. When I heard my name being called out, The next thing I knew someone dragged me off  somewhere quite. I'm so sick of being pulled around today. It was my dad, Honestly I was relived that it  wasn't Bakugou .        " Hey  I know you and how your going to give it all but You need to make sure your head is clear. Ive been studying and your powers  feed off you emotions.  I want to make sure you have a clear head" he said worriedly .  OH god I'm screwed my head is far  from clear.         "  Yeah I'm not focusing on anything right now except for winning" I said and I fake smiled.          " that's Great I Know your going to make me proud. I may be rooting midoryia but Your my number one and I hope you win more." He smiled. Pulled me and for a hug.           " Thank you dad and don't worry Ill cut all there throats open" I laughed.      Then it was time to to go back to the arena.  Time  to face bakugou mental and physical . I think mentally would be harder to do.  Midnight call me and bakugou to fight first.  I try not to think about what had conspire between us earlier. I need to focus to keep my head cleared.              We both step into the ring. Bakugou goes to attack me and I dodge it just in time. Then I Blast one of my purple fire balls at him and he dodge to . This was really upsetting, and I  Take one of my shadow hands out and it wraps around his body. I started to think about how he never loses. He was perfect and every way and would make a fine super hero one day.   something you'll never be  the voice was back again.  

                                                 Bakugou  POV

She had her hand wrapped around me. I  had to escape and then I saw  Her starting to levitate off the ground. Her eyes flash purple there was a gasp from the crowd.  She slam hard into the ground  with the shadow hand. She was Going to kill me.        I jump up and fired another explosion at her this time using more force.  She shield it and then made a big shadowy fist at the ground causing it to erupt . I almost fell but then I caught my balance.  This time I used my full force now that I knew it wouldn't hurt her too bad.       The explosion was so big she couldn't shield it. She was on the ground and lay there for several of seconds.  I walked over her to see if I have won and if she was okay. She started to get back up again and she grabbed a whole of me again.      She grabbed me so tight with the shadow arm I couldn't breath.  My face started to turn purple I was pretty sure I was going to die.  The crowed was screaming to let me go But she wouldn't listen.   " Y/n Please let me go I cant breathe" I try to say but she didn't hear or listen. She wouldn't do this on purpose.  Something was seriously wrong . this was not her. " Y/n Please I love you" at that point I didn't fucking care if the whole crowed thought I was a simp . I love her and I need her to came back. Her eyes turn back to e/c when I said that.    " Bakugou" she gasps and then dropped me. I could barley move I'm pretty sure she won but she just stared at me. Her eyes started to tear up. " I give up" she yelled. Then ran out of the arena . They announced me winner and The nursing girl came to heal up my minor wounds.  I was livid that I won that way. She threw the fight.

                                                                   Y/N POV

     I Brought shame on my dad and my school. I brought shame on myself. The whole world watch it happen too. They watch me turn into a monster. I almost killed bakugou and He never going to want anything to do with me again. I sat outside the stadium on the ground.  I'm no hero I cant even go and face what I done.       I must of sat there for hours and hours. It was finally dark and everyone left. it started  to  pour down rain.   I decided to go back into the arena to pick up my bag and stuff.  It was dark except for a couple security lights. I found my bag when I heard a familiar voice.       " Tch where did you go?" Bakugou asked. Was he still talking to me.        " heard you won congratulation"  I gave him a smile. The air was so cold I could see my own breath. 

                                            BAKUGOU POV 

 " THATS NOT HOW I WANTED TO WIN" he yelled. " YOU GAVE UP THAT FIGHT WAS YOURS"        " I almost killed you .  I was created for one reason and one reason only. The whole now know so to. I let you guys down and I let my dad down. How can I be the princess of peace when I cant even find peace in my own head.  I'm done," I said  tears started to pour out my eyes.        " IF i was the bad guy you would of won. Your powerful and just because its hard your going to pack up then Your not who I thought you were " he scoffed.         " I almost kill you and maybe next time I will. I care about you too much for that to happen" I cried. I started to turn away.  He grabbed my wrist and pulled me agaisnt him.        " I know you wont. You stop because your good and you over came it. we just have to work on it. Please stay if not for yourself then the million you could save with that power.         " I dont know how I stopped myself. All I remeber is blacking out and then waking to see me almost killing youself." I explain.             " I said something to you and then you just snapped out of it" He said nervously .              " Oh well what did you say" I asked.  This could help me find the answer.      " I told you I Love you"  He blushed. This was a side of him I never seen before. I think im falling to. Todoroki was important to me but in the end bakugou been here.  I wasnt sure if I was ready to say it back. I grabbed his face and kiss him. He started kissing back first it was soft but then its starts to get more rough and passionate. He grabbed my ass and pulled me agaisnt him. despite the freezing rain , I felt warm.               He pulled away but remain eye contact with me as he pulled something out of his of his jacket. It was a small box and he handed it to me. " I wanted to give this to you when I ask you out after I won the festival correctly . That didn't go as I plan but I still want to win your heart. please accept this and be my girl. I never done this soft shit and I'm sorry if it not something I'm going to show everyday. Your worth taking my pride down a little I guess" His face was red.       I open it up and it was a sliver bracelet with his name on it and diamonds. It was beautiful and way too much. I had no idea what to say. " Yes Ill be yours" he pulled me into a tight  hug.      " lets go to my place you need to get out of the rain and getting late" he said gently. It almost scared me the way he was being so kind.                                                                      Bakugou POV         We arrived at my place. She look like she was about to past out. Today was a lot on all of us. I didn't really won the sports festival but at least I won the girl. I just got to keep that damn icy hot away from her. I wanted to rip the necklace off of her that he gave her. She mine now.        " Hey you stupid bitch your late" my mom bitch. No good job bakugou or nothing.         " Fuck you too hoe" I said back flipping her off. She was about to really yell, until she saw Y/n  come in after me.             " Hey Y/n nice to see you again. I saw you tonight you should of just kill him and not worry about it' she laugh. The fucking old hag meant as a joke. Y/n face turn white though.  I grabbed her hand and lead her up to my bedroom. She seem like she was still half in a daze.        " Lets get out of these wet clothes. You can wear anything of mine for now." I said awkwardly. I knew we were dating but I didn't know her boundaries . There so much I want to do with her. She needed sleep tonight though. we both did.   she started to strip off in my room.  Oh, she wasn't paying attention to anything really. I couldn't help but to watch in amazement though. She took  off her clothes and strip down till she was naked. I had to use all my self control to not do anything. then she put on one of my T-shirts that looked like a dress on her and then a pair of my boxers.  I strip down to nothing and but my boxers and laid on my bed.     " come here princess" I yawned. She crawled into bed and laid on top of me. She feel asleep instantly but then here phone started going off. I  Pick it up and looks at it.  Deku: hey are you alright. Me and your dad are really worried.    Damn deku fucking worrying about my girl. I didn't want to give her a dad the pro hero a reason to hate me though. Me: yeah I'm fine just staying at a friend house. I'm really sleepy so I'm going to go to bed.   Then there was other messages on the screen so I looked. Todo: hey  Y/n I'm so worried about you. When you see this please answer and I was wondering if we could meet up tomorrow to talk about today and I have something I wanna ask you. I hope your safe and sleeping well beautiful. Oh hell  no. She mine and he going to back the fuck off.  I took a pictures of her sleeping on my chest and I sent it. Me: she mine and she sleeping fine thank you. Back the fuck off  she mine now!!!!!! Todo: I see for now that may be it. I don't give up and I especially wont stop until she mine. You well slip and when you do ill be there for her. Your impulsive and abusive and don't deserve her. Me: You come any where near her your dead I blocked his number from her phone.  I wrapped my arms tight around her and I pass out.    The sun filled the room waking me up. She was still asleep. She was so beautiful and peaceful when she sleep.  Her phone started buzzing causing her to wake.   " Where my phone" she sat up straight looking for it. I handed it to her. The number didn't have a caller id. She scrunch her nose in confusion.     " Hello who is this " she answered.      " Todoroki, are you alright?" I heard him answered.  Great rich boy has more then one phone.     " Yes, what happen to your old phone number?"      " Long story, where are you at?"     " Bakugou house, why whats wrong?" she asked worriedly     " Ill be there In 20" he said and then hung up.  " Do you have anything else I can where by chance?" she asked   " I think you look fine in that Idiot" I snorted grabbing her wait.   " I cant go out like this" she said digging though the bag of mina and kiri clothes that they leave here.      " Your not going anywhere with him and no way in hell wearing that" She hold up a short pink dress of mina. Mina was shorter then Y/n so this dress was gonna not cover anything. She took off my shirt and put on the dress anyways not listening to me at all.    She grabbed my hair brush and tied it back out her face. she look stunning even though she didn't try and its for him.  " I fucking mean it your not going anywhere with him" I yelled.   " Chill out you have to trust me. He one of my friends and I'm yours so don't worry" she said try reassuring me. I almost lost her to him though. He going to try all Kinds of flirty shit. I cant be okay with this but I have too. She will leave if I'm too controlling.   " One hour then come back" I grumbled.  " I have to go home afterwards and talk to my dad" She sigh. She was right even though I wanted some time with her. The door bell ring and I hurried up to open it. IT was half and half baster.   " Leave your hands off of her and no flirty shit or I will Murder you" I screamed and then Y/n push me put of the way. I grabbed her and kiss her so fucking hard in front of him. She push me away and laughed.     " I'm sorry about him" she said. Walking out of the door with him. I kept trying to talk myself out of following them. I decided to invite shitty hair over to distract me.

IM open up to ideas and or request for my one shot books I'm doing. Thank you for read part 7 will be here Thursday at the latest

#bakougu #bhna #katsuki bakugou x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bnha shoto todoroki #bakugou x reader #izuku midoria x reader #midoriya izuku #dekubaku #allmight daughter #almight #smut #fluff #angst #lovetriangle #jelouse katsuki

[kandyklancing]

klance fic | mini skirt lance 🔞

lance loves showing off his leggy body when he wears his mini skirts. so when he saw a tiny black one hanging in the window of a store in the space mall he couldn't resist. the team had gone there under shiro's command to "stock back up on essentials" he knew a mini skirt wasn't exactly something he *needed* but he had missed dressing up nicely like he sometimes did back on earth. he couldn't resist the opportunity to snag the little black number. "lura! let's go in that one!" he called excitedly, snagging allura's hand. her eyes lit up as she caught sight of the clothing store, and lance looked back to the others. "we'll be back, he called." starting towards the store. keith's eyebrows rose questioningly, but he said nothing, turning back to pay attention to shiro who was beginning to lead hunk slowly toward the grocery store, reading from a list of things they needed. lance knew he had been getting on keith's nerves lately, with him exasperatedly telling him that he never took their tasks or missions seriously. he tried not to let it get to him, but it was becoming increasingly more difficult to do. who says just because they're fighting in an intergalactic war that he can't be cute? besides, pidge wasn't even around right now, she had dragged coran with her to the nearest video game store, and allura willingly came with him, also interested in buying something to wear. so if keith wanted something to bitch at, he'd have to take it up with all of them. that was only somewhat reassuring to lance though, he didn't enjoy upsetting keith as much as he was sure keith thought he did. but it wasn't enough to stop him from walking through the doors of the store, albeit slightly sulkily. "oh my god lance!" allura squeeled. "look at this!" she said, holding up a purple strappy and sparkly crop top. "that's pretty lura. you should try it on" he encouraged weakly, lacking his usual vigor. he knew it wasn't gonna bypass allura, how his mood had been dampened. the two had grown close since he practically got plucked off earth to fight battles in space. they were best friends. her eyebrows furrowed, and she looked at him caringly and cautiously. "are you okay? what's the matter?" she asked. he sighed. "keith's still on my ass. i know he's wondering why i'm wasting time fucking around in a clothing store rather than helping them buy food and supplies" allura took his hands in hers gently, looking into his eyes. "listen" she began. " i love keith, but just because they boy doesn't know how to unwind that doesn't mean that you shouldn't. we've all been working so hard lately. it's not unwise to treat yourself." "you're right, i know" lance sighed. "it's just that..." he turned his gaze elsewhere, cheeks slowing becoming alight. "i just...want him to understand me..." he sulked. allura smiled softly. she knew about lance's personal feelings toward keith. she also knew that keith had his own feelings about lance, he just grew frustrated with himself at not being able to express them, and often ended up projecting that frustration onto lance. he didn't know how to properly express himself. "listen. how about you show him the good that comes out of an impromptu shopping trip? force him to get it!" she smiled cheekily and excitedly. "oh please! he doesn't look my way except to complain about something ive apparently done. give it up allura, he's not into me." it was a conversation they had had time and time again. allura was convinced that keith digged him just as much as lance was into him. she rolled her eyes. "then do it for yourself. buy something you feel good in!" that he could do. he hightailed it over to the mini skirt in the window, allura in tow. "OH. that's the one lance. he won't be able to take his eyes off you" she smirked. lance bit his lips to hide a smile, rolling his eyes at her and signalling for the salesperson at the front.

-2 weeks later-

the team was exhausted and exaxperated. the battle with the galra they had just returned from was a long one. they had won, yes, but not without completely draining themselves. they were a lot of close calls, and things felt dismal. "listen up, team. we're taking the day off tomorrow. we've been working tirelessly, and i know we're all feeling weighed down. so relax tomorrow. do something you like" he told them. it served to be a giant relief to them all, even keith let go a placated sigh. lance woke up with a smile on his face the next day, ready to pamper himself. he spent time doing his favourite skincare rituals and singing to himself. when finished, he walked over to his closet, staring longingly at the mini skirt. "fuck it" he said to himself and put it on. lance trailed into the kitchen where the others sat, already eating breakfast. allura looked up, whooping loudly upon his arrival. "you look amazing lance!" she encouraged. he smiled at her in response. he felt shy under the rest of the group's gaze. shiro only smiled, telling lance to sit and have some breakfast. "lance! bro! you look good!" hunk told him around a mouthful of his food. "thanks buddy." lance smiled genuinely. pidge was fiddling with some game console in her hand, having thrown lance a small smile when he walked in. coran dove estatically into a story about how he used to wear his own fair share of skirts back in his day. and keith... keith is keeping his eyes resolutely on his plate. lance felt a pang of sadness but he quickly pushes it down. he looks GREAT and they finally have a day off. he's not gonna spend time thinking about his unrequited crush at all. he dove into his food. later on in the day, after lazing around and playing dungeons and dragons, lance suggests a game of hiding seek with the castle lights off. shiro and coran have retired to their rooms, so he insists they won't be slowed down by the "old people" allura, hunk and pidge say they're in, and keith does too, albeit reluctantly. "this is...juvenile. but i guess i don't have anything better to do" he says, shrugging. lance looks at him closely. keith hasn't looked him in the eye all day. still he pushes down his disappointment. "okay i'm counting! better go hide you bastards!" pidge yells out excitedly. allura runs in a circle for a solid minute, panicking and giggling before she takes off to the left side of the castle ship. hunk runs to the right, and keith slinks off somewhere stealthily. lance knows exactly where he won't be found, smirking to himself and taking his time walking there. he knows he won't be found in the "secret" door in the back of the library. it's an inconspicuous looking door, in the back left corner. the only way he'd found it because he was sulking one day alone, sitting on the floor of the library thinking about his family back home, resting his back against what he'd originally thought was the wall. it felt different, and after running his hands over it, he came across a doorknob sized button, and upon investigation, found that if pushed it the "wall" slid up to reveal an open room. in it was a massive floor to wall window, where he'd sat many nights gazing out at the stars. "fucking altean technology" lance mused to himself, stepping through the space upon arrival. he hurried over to his favourite spot where he liked to perch by the glass. except, he tripped over some lump like object. "shit!" he hissed palms slapping onto the tiled floor. "what the fuck man?" a disgruntled voice called. "keith??? how the hell did you get in here!?" lance asked, infuriated. "how did YOU get here? how do you even know about this place?" keith demanded.

#text #klance fic #klance drabble #klance smut #klance #kl #voltron legendary defender #voltron smut #voltron #vld smut #vld #keith #keith kogane #top keith #lance #lance mcclain #bottom lance #smut

[anythingandeverything1d]

Surprise

You followed Preston down the hall anxiously awaiting the moment you had dreamed of for months. It had been almost 4 months since you had last seen Harry and you were so excited to finally surprise him on tour, part of you was a little nervous though. Distance wasn't the easiest thing... both you and Harry had been struggling and the past few weeks Harry had been extra distant and almost completely absent aside from a few texts here and there. “Harry’s dressing room is the one on the left” Preston said with a smile. “Good luck kid.” 

You smiled back and mumbled a quick thank you while walking to the door. You could hear Harry inside talking to someone and your heart fluttered up into your chest just thinking about him. You knocked quietly and walked in. The scene before you was not what you had expected to see. Harry was sitting extremely close to a tall blonde haired girl. She was very clearly flirting, running her fingers up and down his chest and he was leaning in to what looked like was about to be a kiss. His eyes shot up and he jumped off the couch. “(y/n)” Harry yelled moving towards you. You backed against the door you had just come through and he stopped. Your heart was beating and tears were forming in the corner of your eyes. You couldn't breathe. This was not the surprise you had planned. You grabbed the door handle and opened it. “(y/n)! Wait!” Harry yelled but you were already running down the hall. You could hear Harry following and you had no clue where you were going but you turned left and right into Louis. 

“(y/n)!” he happily greeted with a warm hug. “I didn't know you were coming love. How are you?” He finally moved back and took in the scene. Tears running down your face, Harry yelling for you somewhere down the hall. He grabbed you and pulled you into the door behind him. 

“(y/n)?” Niall said standing up from the couch to greet you. “Whats wrong?” He looked concerned. Louis pulled you into his bathroom and motioned for Niall to stay quiet about it. No sooner than Louis had shut the door had Harry burst into the room. 

“Niall have you seen (y/n)?” Harry asked out of breath. 

“(y/n)’s here? Where is she? Id love to catch up with her.” Niall answered calmly. “Wait..why would she be hiding from you?” Niall stood up defensively.

“Well she came into my room and well that girl from the other night was in there and then she turned and ran.” Harry answered. “I need to find her though. I need...I need to...I just need to talk to her.” He answered sadly.

“Well she isn't here mate.” Niall said sitting back down clearly annoyed. Louis looked at you with empathy and wiped your cheeks. Once Harry had left he opened the bathroom door and sat you on the couch. 

“Quite the way to start a surprise huh love?” Louis asked trying to cheer you up. You shrugged as more tears fell. “Im sure it was a misunderstanding (y/n)..”

“Harry hasn't even texted me today. Nothing, no good morning, how are you, what's up, miss you. Just silence. He's barely called the last few weeks and now I finally get to show up and surprise him and he's with some blonde hair blue eyed model. I feel so stupid” 

“Harrys the dumb one then.” Niall said scooting closer and putting an arm around your shoulder. “Nothing to feel stupid about. Its all on him.” At that moment the door burst open and you cowered into Nialls arms. 

“Hey does anyone know why Harry is running around like crazy right now?” Liam asked confused. You breathed a sigh of relief and ran into his arms. “(y/n)?” He asked confused but held you tight none the less. “I guess you're my answer huh?” You nodded into his stomach and held on tight. Liam was always kind of like a big brother to you. He was there before anyone else and he watched everything happen with you and Harry. You felt safe in his arms and reluctantly pulled away as the door opened again. This time Harry’s green eyes caught yours and he grabbed your arm. 

“We need to talk.” He grumbled trying to pull you from Liams grasp. Liam held on tight and shook his head.

“I think you need to go Harry. Clearly she's upset and doesn't want to go with you.”

“Liam back off and let go of my girlfriend.” Harry nearly yelled as he pulled your arm again. Harry dropped your arm and shoved Liam back, causing you to flinch and fall forward out of his arms. Harry stopped after seeing the expression in your face and took a step back.

“You're scaring her mate, stop.” Liam moved between you and Harry and you peered around his back to see what was happening. The rage in Harry’s eyes had disappeared and sadness had replaced it. 

“(y/n)...please. I’m not going to hurt you. I’m sorry I scared you...I just..we need to talk..” Harry stumbled his eyes begging you to come forward. Reluctantly you moved around Liam and towards Harry who was holding out his hand. You gently took it and let him lead you out of the room and into the hall. Harry dropped your hand and anxiously ran his fingers through his hair watching you closely. “Its not what you think okay? I promise what you saw was nothing. I just need you to believe me (y/n) please... I love you so much and Im so happy you're here and all I want to do is kiss you and-” 

You stopped him there. You knew you would need a better explanation later but for now you just wanted him. Your lips crashed against his and he pushed you back against the wall. Your legs went around his waist as he picked you up, his lips never leaving yours. After a minute you were both gasping for air, Harry hadn't set you down, and your forehead touched his, his gentle breath hitting you softly. Everything had been momentarily forgotten and you smiled running your fingers through the curls in his hair. “I missed you Haz..” you mumbled dropping your head to his shoulder. He sighed and set you down.

“I missed you too beautiful...” You didn't dare move, afraid that if you did the moment would fall apart. Harry didn't move either, he just kept his arms around you and his forehead on yours while his breathing slowed and settled. “Listen (y/n) that girl..”

“Can we do this later...please. I’m so tired, I want a shower, and I’m not ready to argue anymore with you..” Harry nodded and placed his hand out. 

“You can shower and nap in my room.”

“I-uh I think I would rather stay in Liam’s...” Harrys whole demeanor changed. All of the confidence he normally had was gone and he just looked away and nodded before taking your hand and walking into Liams dressing room. You sat on the couch and Harry stood in the door.

“I’m going to go get ready...if you need anything I have my phone.” You nodded and he left. You drifted off into a deep sleep, only to awake hours later to Harry’s gentle shaking. “Baby wake up..” Your eyes slowly opened and you held out your arms. Harry took them, snuggling with you for a minute.

“How was rehearsal?” you mumbled.

“Good. Would've been better with you there though.” you grinned and kissed him. “Can we talk now? Ive been sick to my stomach all day.” You nodded, not letting go of him but letting him continue on. “That girl was an interviewer..she was doing a piece on me and she was flirting and I may have flirted back but only because I felt like I had too for the interview. I didn’t mean to upset you. I never should've done it and I’m so so sorry. But baby I never would've cheated and I’m sorry I haven't been replying to you lately. I was so upset I hadn’t seen you in a while I was just becoming distant. I never meant to make you think I didn’t want you. I’m so so happy you're here and I can't even begin to tell you how much I needed this.”

“Shh...it’s okay Haz. I overreacted. I was so tired. I know you wouldn't cheat. I love you and I’m excited for everything tonight and this weekend.” Harry smiled and kissed you. 

“You're the best (y/n).” You kissed him again, pulling him on top of you. 

“Get a room!” Liam yelled covering his eyes as he walked in. You laughed and Harry slowly slid to the floor. “Not my room either, seriously I’m glad you worked things out but get out.” Harry pulled you to your feet and to the door. You winked at Liam, still laughing and followed Harry into the hall. 

“What would you like to do before the concert?” Harry asked looking at you.

“I have some ideas...the first involves a shower.” You wiggled your eyebrows and pulled him close. 

“Sounds great to me.” He kissed you before laughing and dragging you into his dressing room. You smiled, glad things were finally turning out the way you had imagined.

---

So this was one of the drafts I had saved from 2016 lol. It’s not the best but figured might as well post it.

#one direction #directioners #one direction fanfiction #one direction imagines #Harry Styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines

[monaisme]

Day 26: recovery

*TRIGGER WARNING: Features major depressive episode, suicidal thoughts, and self neglect

Day 26: recovery

No one was quite sure what Peter was feeling, if Tony was being honest.

On the first day after—well, Tony guessed that it could be called the confrontation, no one had really approached him at all. He’d been in the med bay first for his own treatment, and then to wait on word about May. Once he’d heard the prognosis, he was out of there like a flash and in his own room in the tower. They’d figured that he needed that time to process.

None of the Avengers had heard of this Green Goblin character before, but he’d apparently been an old nemesis of the Spider-Kid and had a vendetta against Peter personally that hinged on psychotic.

Peter had thought he was gone; had assumed that the quiet had meant he’d curled up and died in a hole somewhere, but he’d been biding his time. He’d been waiting.

It broke Tony’s heart to do it, but being Tony Stark meant that he needed to take care of things that someone like Steve couldn’t manage. He had to go. SHIELD wasn’t asking.

But Pepper said she’d check on him.

Pepper had noted how sullen and withdrawn he’d been when she brought his breakfast to his room. She had knocked and then waited... and waited. When he didn’t answer, she’d asked FRIDAY to confirm that he was okay. The AI informed her that his stats were within normal parameters but that he was unmoving in his bed, and Pepper had freaked. Visions of Peter falling unconscious during the night flashed through her mind so she’d used her emergency override and stormed in, breakfast tray and all— but he was fine. He’d covered his head with his blanket and decided to hide away from the world.

After taking a minute to calm down from her scare, Pepper had been certain she heard him crying. She’d tried so hard to comfort him, of course, but he’d pulled the blankets tighter around himself. Pepper figured she’d respect his need for some time alone so she’d patted him on his good arm and left him to it.

After thinking about it, she wondered if Peter needed someone from the team to lean on—someone who understood what he had gone through. She spoke with Steve who swore he’d take over. She could put it out of her mind.

She thought of all the meetings she still had pending on her list and Steve was Captain America, so she did.

Yeah.

Steve had gotten a completely different reaction from the kid. It was a quick and clear rage. Steve was bringing dinner. He’d knocked and then entered carrying a tray of sandwiches and some bottles of juice. Peter needed to eat, and they’d left him alone for lunch at Pepper’s request so...

The lamp flying through the air and striking the doorframe only inches from Steve’s face had been unexpected. The shrieks of ‘Get out!’ over and over and over again had been unnerving. The hate-filled stare from the red-faced Peter was more than upsetting.

And Steve had no idea how to deal with it.

Steve put down the tray of food with an apology and backed out of the room.

Things hadn’t gone well, and in a fit of emotional constipation, Steve Rogers chose to delegate.

Tower staff were recruited to drop meals off at the door until further notice.

No one ensured that they were eaten.

It was the fourth day after when Tony finally had his chance to come. He’d been busy dealing with Damage Control, inventorying an evil goblin lair, and a gaggle of idiot politicians who were demanding answers that he didn’t have. He’d realized too late that having a debrief with Peter after the confrontation would have been a good idea, but that was neither here nor there.

This was a new day and it was going to be great. Tony knew that Pepper had some trouble with Peter that first day, but he was here now. Peter just needed someone he was comfortable with to bring him out of his funk. Tony was bringing news of his aunt that was tentatively promising and he’d managed to get a buttload of bacon croissanwiches from Burger King, the kid’s favourite. The medical staff had even mentioned that Peter could potentially get his cast off today, so it was going to be a good day.

Tony arrived at Peter’s room clutching the brown paper bag, knocked out a ‘shave-and-a-hair-cut,’ and waited for Peter to open the door.

No answer. That was weird.

Tony knocked again. “Peter? It’s Tony. Open the door!” He waited a few seconds. “Peter, I brought breakfast sandwiches!”

Still nothing.

Tony thought for a second and wondered, “FRIDAY, Peter’s still in his room, right?”

“Yes, Boss. Peter Parker is in his room.”

“Perfect. Tell the Spider-baby to let me in. The sandwiches are getting cold.”

The AI responded in an unexpected way. “I’m sorry, Boss. Peter seems to be unable to respond.”

“Excuse me? Did you say ‘unable to respond?’”

“Yes, Boss.”

“Dammit, FRIDAY! Emergency override Alpha-1-1-9-Charlie. Open the damn door!”

The lock on Peter’s door unlatched and Tony rushed into the dark room, adding his bag of breakfast to a pile of uneaten and rotting food.  Tony half-registered what that could mean before rushing to the barely conscious boy.

Tony knelt on the floor next to the bed. “Pete? Hey, kiddo?” Tony tapped his gaunt cheek. “Can you hear me?” He ran his calloused fingers through Peter’s unwashed hair. “Kid?”

Peter blinked. “Tony?” he whispered.

Tony smiled. “Hey, Pete. It’s me.” He noticed the smell in the room. When was the last time someone had checked on him? “Are you sick, bud? Do you need me to call the med bay?”

Peter barely shook his head ‘no.’

That was when Tony saw the profound sadness in his eyes, “What’s goin’ on then?”

Peter shook his head again and closed his eyes. “No more.”

Not know what the boy was talking about, Tony pushed, “What do you mean ‘no more,’ Peter? I’ve been away, kid. You’ve got to give me more.”

He opened his eyes again, struggled to focus. “Can’ hurt ‘em an’more.”

At that, Tony scanned the room, wondered who ‘them’ was, and really took in what he was seeing. The food in the corner—Pepper had tried to bring him breakfast that first full day. She’d mentioned leaving the tray that he recognized. It was untouched. Tony assumed that the fact that there was no plastic wrap anywhere that the sandwiches had been left, too. This didn’t make sense. “Peter, when did you eat last, bud?”

Peter pulled the blanket over his head with his good hand, just like he’d done with Pepper, but Tony couldn’t allow it. He pulled the blanket from Peter’s weak grasp and took his hand in his. “Peter?” Tony felt the weight loss before he saw it, but then saw how bony and frail Peter’s wrist looked. “Peter, I’m gonna take a look at you, kiddo.” He pulled the blanket back and gasped.

“FRIDAY, contact Bruce, tell him to get here now!” Tony barked, “Let him know we need an IV and nutrients, ASAP.”

It had been at least three full days and the weight loss was already visible and disturbing, even through the sweat soaked pyjamas. “Pete? What’s goin’ on? Why aren’t you eating?”

He must’ve been delirious because he started babbling. “I can’t anymore, Ms’r Stark. They all die... ‘Cuz I‘m Spid’man.”

Tony thought he’d understood what he was saying, but why would Peter think...? Who died? Because he’s Spider-Man?

“Pete?” Tony leaned in closer. “Peter, I don’t understand, sweetheart. Please tell me.”

He looked like he was trying to cry, but was too weak or too dehydrated. “I can’t keep hurtin’ ‘em, Mis’r Stark...” Peter became more agitated as he listed the names, “Cap’in Stacey... Gw-Gwen... Ben...“

“Peter. Those aren’t your fault. I promise.”

Peter didn’t hear him, “Mis’r Stark, I killed Gwen! An’ I hurt ‘em... Co’nel Rhodes, Liz... an’ May’s gonna hate me. I know i’s true.” Then he looked Tony is the eyes, need Tony to believe him. “’S true, ‘cuz I hate me, too.”

A knock on the door interrupted Peter’s confessional. Tony looked up at Bruce as he let himself in. “Thank goodness! Bruce. He hasn’t had anything since before the Goblin. Can you fix him up?”

Peter whined at the additional intruder in the room and then closed his eyes.

Concerned, Bruce rushed over and took Tony’s place by the bed. “What do you mean by anything?” Bruce took a quick glance around him and then focussed on the boy. He started pulling supplies from his large duffle bag. “Has he been sick? With his enhanced metabolism, going that long without eating could be--”

Tony knew exactly what it could be, and that was why he couldn’t bear the burden alone. “Bruce, I think he’s suicidal.”

And Peter started hyperventilating.

Tony realized what he’d done right away. “Shit. Peter, I’m so sorry. That was a real dumbass thing to say and I shouldn’t have, huh?” He didn’t want to move Bruce, but Peter needed him, too. “Here, I’m gonna just...” Tony rushed around to the other side of the bed and climbed on and over to Peter. He rested against the headboard, nudged up right next to Peter and started running his hand through Peter’s hair again. “I’m here, Pete. I just don’t quite get what happening, but I need you to be okay, and Bruce here is the best so...” Peter wasn’t focussed on much of anything, but Tony kept trying. “Did you know that Brucie here has seven PhDs and not one of them gives him permission to do stitches? Pretty incredible, right?” Tony hoped distraction would work.

It didn’t.

Peter tried to grasp at the covers he’d hidden under before, but his strength was leaving him.

“It’s okay, Peter, we’ve got you,” Bruce caught on to Tony’s train of thought. “And I promise no stitches.” He thought he understood what Peter was trying for and reached over the boy to pull the blanket over his legs. “You must be kind of chilly, hey?”

Peter tried to reach for the blanket again, but he was losing his battle with his panic attack.

“Hey, hey, Peter. You’re safe here.” Tony soothed from beside him. “I know you’re feeling pretty bad right now, but we’re gonna help you, okay?”

Peter shook his head ‘no.’ “I can’t—I can’t—I can’t—“ Peter’s eyelids fluttered shut and his head lolled to the side.

“Bruce?!” Tony called out.

But Bruce was already on it. He grabbed Peter’s wrist to check his pulse. “It’s there, but fast. Let me just...” Bruce was off and doing his ‘not a doctor’ doctor thing and that was all that mattered to Tony. Blood pressure, lungs and heart were checked. “He’s weak, Tony, and definitely needs medical intervention.”

Bruce dug through his bag again, pulling out an IV bag and assorted wipes and tape. He reached up behind the bed to place the bag on the hook all Avengers Tower superhero quarters had for exactly this reason and got to work.

“He’s really dehydrated, Tony,” he said after his third attempt at finding a vein. “If I can’t get this one then...” Bruce held his breath, checked the line, and then checked it again. “Oh, thank goodess! I’m gathering that the kid would prefer to be here in his quarters right now so...”

Tony nodded. “Yeah, and I’m not so sure I want SHIELD involved in something like this anyways, at least not yet. A broken bone is one thing, a shrink is something else...”

Both of the men thought of their “mental health assessments” and the stigmas they still fought back against. Hell, even Steve has shirked the whole assessment thing. Those SHIELD folks were hacks.

Bruce had to ask, though, “Tony, can you tell me how the hell this got so bad?” He was so confused. “I mean, we dealt with that other green guy a few days ago, and everything was fine.” Then Bruce thought of Peter’s aunt, still in the med bay while the doctors figured out how best to help her with her arm... “Okay, not fine, but still? How did we get from there to this?”

Tony seethed at the question. “I don’t know, Bruce. I thought I’d left people in place, but I guess I was wrong...” He wasn’t looking forward to those conversations. “When I find out, though, I’ll let you know.”

Bruce pressed a tender hand to Peter’s forehead to check for warmth, then kept it there for a beat longer. “We probably have a bit of time before he wakes up, but I’d like to monitor him for a while and maybe come up with a plan before then.”

Tony agreed. “Grab a chair, Brucie. I need to figure some things out, too, so you may as well be comfortable.”

“What do you mean?”

Tony sighed, “Before you got here, he was upset. I mean, he’s upset about his aunt, but he started listing other people that he’s hurt... and he said he’s killed—which we all know is total bullshit, but there’s something in this kid’s head that isn’t telling him the truth and it’s killing him.”

Bruce looked at Tony, “Well, then I guess we have some questions to find answers for so we can heal the kid.”

“I guess we do, Tony replied, “FRIDAY, who the hell is Gwen, and how is she connected to our Peter?”

FRIDAY responded almost immediately. “Sir, one match has been found for a Gwendolyne Maxine Stacey; born September 6, 2001 in Manhattan, New York. She died on August 14, 2015. Cause of death was reported as blunt force trauma to the head. Would you like me to continue, Sir?”

Bruce and Tony shared a glance. “Hit me, Girl.”

“While there were no witnesses to the incident, the autopsy report details evidence that the fatal injury occurred as a result of a fall from an estimated 170 feet in a campus clock tower.”

“Damn.” Tony ran his hand down his face in frustration.

“Sir, there is more.”

He almost said no. Almost. “Keep going then.”

“Yes, Sir. There is a note in the report that was not released to the public. The cause of death may have been a broken neck as both injuries would have been fatal and appeared to have happened simultaneously. Police reports indicate that a single strand of webbing was found on the victim’s torso. This, in conjunction with injures found on the body indicate that Spider-Man was on scene and had attempted to prevent a negative outcome. With the estimated velocity of the fall, the sudden stop from Spider-Man’s effort resulted in extreme cervical recoil, resulting in a broken neck and severing of the spinal column.”

Both men blanched.

“The Green Goblin was found on scene and confessed to being responsible for the death of Ms. Stacey, Sir. Would you like me to continue?”

“No thank you, FRI. That’s enough.”

They stood there, lost in their thoughts and staring at the boy who tried so damned hard all the damned time.

“2015 was just after Ben died and just before May sold their house to move to the apartment in Queens. He started going to Midtown around then, too.” Tony was recalling the basic information he’d looked at when he’d been searching for the kid for Germany.

Bruce was upset. “And neither of them ever mentioned this?”

Tony shook his head. “May has only just stopped spitting every time she says my name,” he joked weakly. “And the other is a teenage boy with abandonment issues. What do you think?”

Bruce smiled a little, “Got it.”

Tony paled further, “Oh, no. May.”

Bruce turned green, in a safely nauseous way. “He must have been trying to catch her in a way that would keep that from happening again. When Goblin tossed May off the building, he must have panicked.” Bruce was visualizing the confrontation, “And then with the greater height, plus Peter dealing with blood loss and a concussion—Oh, Tony! He did the best he could!” Bruce felt his pulse start racing, stopped speaking, took a calming breath, and resumed. “May should have been dead.”

Tony sighed, “We know that, but does he? ‘Cause he’s ended up with a broken arm and his aunt may never fully use her own arm again... Shit.” Tony rolled off the bed and paced. “This kid never gets a break, does he?”

“It doesn’t seem like it, but we’re gonna change that,” Bruce promised. “I know someone, he helps me with my, uh...” Bruce caught himself, and blushed as though embarrassed. “He helps me with my stress and is just a really nice guy. I bet he could help out with Peter.”

Thinking back on all that Peter said, Tony added, “I bet he could help May, too.”

They were quiet again, then Bruce had a thought. “I’m not a psychiatrist, but I’m guessing this is major depressive disorder. I’ve done some research for my own...” Bruce stopped himself again, then rephrased. “Okay. I’ve researched it some, and I’m concerned about the whole not eating thing. I believe you when you say he’s suicidal, but starvation is not a common method for teenage boys. It may be a separate symptom. What do we do about that?”

Tony was already feeling overwhelmed by the situation as a whole. Find a solution to it was beginning to feel insurmountable. How could they do this?—Fix this boy while keeping prying eyes from discovering? And who could they trust? And how could they explain away so many people coming in and out of the tower? And...

“The cabin.”

“Sorry, Tony, you’ll have to explain that one to me. I’m lost.”

Tony stopped pacing and grinned big at Bruce. “I just bought a cabin! It’s supposed to be another engagement present for Pepper but, well...” Tony wondered again where she’d been these last days. “Well, maybe we can use it as a home base. The kid needs a break—hell! I think you and I will conveniently need a break, too. We can all head out, relax, enjoy the fresh air—and Peter can just rest. We’ll be close by. It’s only 45 minutes from the city if you drive like a grandma. We can have people come to us and no one will be the wiser!” The thoughts were flying. “I can get FRIDAY prepped for integration before too long and between the three of us, we’d have a busy work project and could have the cabin inhabitable in no time.”

Bruce just stared at Tony.

“Was that too much?” Tony seemed unsure.

Bruce’s mouth opened... and then closed, and then finally, “I think that’s perfect. And after she’s better, his aunt can come out for a bit. How would that work, space wise?” If they were talking logistics, he was going all in.

“Oh, there’s room. She’ll need to take some time off of work, and her boss is a real—“ And there, reality kicked Tony in the teeth. “Shit. Wait. We’re going to have to make some arrangement for the two of them. Get rent paid up for a few months, utilities, and so on.”

“Tony?”

“May is a nurse... was a nurse. We’re gonna have to work from the ground up on this—and we’ll have to tread lightly. May is as stubborn as they come, but she’s a mama bear if ever there was one, so she’ll do anything to help Peter.” Tony felt tired. “It’ll be a balance, but we’ll get them help, whatever they need.”

Peter stirred so Bruce took the time to recheck his blood pressure.

“It’s better. The fluids are helping... and between the two of us, we’ll figure out the rest. I promise. Okay, Tony?”

Tony thought of all the things this boy... his boy had already been through, and how he’d been alone against the world. He maybe thought of Bruce and himself, but only a little and how they’d been alone, too. There was no way Tony would allow that to happen for any of them again, and so he replied with an emphatic nod, “Okay.”

 @febuwhump

#febuwhump #febuwhump 2021 #fanfiction #tw suicidal thoughts #tw self neglect #tw depression #irondad and spiderson

[beautifulbuckys]

(Animal) Crossing Bridges

Word Count: 2.1k

Ship: Bucky Barnes x Y/N (platonic to romantic)

Description: You introduce Bucky to Animal Crossing!

Warnings: swearing, fluff :)

A/N: hi sorry ive been dead, enjoy

"Buckyyyyyy!" You groaning, shaking the sleeping beefy figure. You'd been doing this for ten minutes. Every thirty seconds, you'd give him a shove to wake him up. However....he wouldn't seem to budge. Deciding to wait a few more seconds, you gave him a final shove.

"Bucky!"

Suddenly, the brunette's eyes shot open. He let out a heavy sigh, covering his face with his hand. You knew it wasn't too bright because you hadn't drawn the heavy, grey curtains. The room was still dark, just light enough to make out all the objects in front of you. Bucky liked his room, it was his querencia. He felt safe inside his room because it's somewhere where he can control everything. That's exactly why you're waking him up too! Today is March 20th, and the new Animal Crossing game came out! You wanted to introduce Bucky to the game, as he'd been searching for a new hobby. You'd been playing the game since you were little. The thought of running a town with cute little animals was like heaven to you. Just strolling around, chatting with adorable Isabelle and hitting villagers with nets was entertaining.

Glancing at the clock, you felt a spike of panic. You were running late! You yanked Bucky out of his plaid comforter.

"Ow, Y/N! What the hell is going on?" He barked. You guess you accidentally shoved him into something, because he was rubbing his bicep was he approached the bathroom.

"No time to get dressed! Brush your teeth and then we're out of here, pretty boy!"

You could hear the dull groan from the bathroom. Chuckling, you left the room and jogged down the steps. Once you made it to the living room, you bolted to the shoe rack to grab your sneakers. Humming as you tie them, you heard footsteps coming from the stairs.

"Ready to go?" You asked, turning around. You clearly expected it to be Bucky, but it wasn't. You were greeted with the tall, blonde, god who'd been roaming around since 5 this morning. Thor was grinning at you. His eyebrows were raised in a questioning manner. He was wondering where you were rushing off to at 8 in the morning.

"Morning, lady Y/N! Where are you off to in such a hurry?" He asked, beaming at you with curiosity.

"We both have the same question, pal," Bucky said as he approached the two of you, "Where are we going this early in the morning? Gonna miss the new Starbucks drink or something?"

You sighed, "No! We're going to GameStop!"

"GameStop?!"  Both the men exclaimed in confusion. You figured they were confused for different reasons.

"What in the heavens is GameSt-," Thor began to ask until you shoved Bucky out the door.

Once you made it outside, you felt the apricity. It was a charming morning, the temperature was slightly chilly, the wind nipping at your nose. The mix of the bright sun and the crisp breeze was selcouth. You were from the west, where it was practically always summer. No cold weather. As you and Bucky made it to the streets, you marveled at the way the sun hit the buildings towering above you. It reminded you all over again why you moved out east. Feeling the cold wind yet again, you tucked your hands into your jacket pocket.

"So, Y/N, care to explain why we're going to GameStop at approximately," He looked down to check his watch, "8:13 in the morning?"

You looked up at him with a grin. "Bucky, do you not know what today is?" You asked. He shook his head, his face displaying a puzzled look. You giggled.

"It's March 20th! Today's the day that Animal Crossing: New Horizons comes out! Isn't that exciting!?" You shouted with excitement. People looked at you, clearly judging your excitement at such an early hour. To be honest, though, you couldn't really care.

"What the hell is Animal Crossing?" Bucky asked, taking you to no surprise at all. You'd been waiting for him to ask so you could spend the rest of the walk explaining.

That's exactly what you did.  For 30 minutes, you two walked, you explained the game in its entirety. You didn't forget about Bunny Day. He asked numerous questions, varying from villager questions to questions about Isabelle. You described your favorite character, Sherb, a goat introduced in Pocket Camp. He didn't find it funny when you told him some people will beat up their villagers. You seemed to get him excited. He was walking with a pep in his step, each stride getting him closer to GameStop.

"Y/N, what do I need to play this?" Bucky questioned, now interested in getting the game for himself.

"You need a console called the Nintendo Switch. It's handheld, but if your old man eyes can't see it, I can hook it up to the TV for you." He giggled at the quip.

As you began approaching the store, you noticed how empty it was. Either it was closed or you and Bucky were very lucky. Bucky approached the door, opening it for you. You thanked him and practically skipped into the store.

"Hello!" The older man behind the cashier cheered. He seemed to be the only worker in the store. The other employees might be outback. His wide smile invited you and Bucky into the GameStop. "How can I help you two younglings today?"

"Hi sir, me and my friend here were just wondering if you had a switch in stock?" You asked. You purchased the switch as soon as it came out. You'd played so many other games on it, it was your love. The other switch was for Bucky.

"Do you want a lite, regular or do you want the special edition switch?" The worker, who's name was Ken, questioned. Bucky asked the difference between the three. Ken was a big help to Buck, explaining the differences and why there's a special edition.

"He'll take the special edition," You cheer, with much approval from Ken. "Can we also get two copies of Animal Crossing: New Horizons please?"

Ken quickly helped the two of you. He checked you and Bucky out, which you paid for. Bucky was unhappy you paid for him but there was nothing he could do about it. You two were off to the compound, picking up some coffee on your journey back home. Both you and Bucky were looking forward to playing together. Bucky had so many ideas for clothes he wanted to make himself. He even offered to try to recreate a dress from your closet. Now, Bucky had a distraction. When he was upset, he could play the game with or without you. With that being thought of, you were happy to introduce the game to him. He was clearly so excited to play a game with no violence or scary noises.

Once you made it home, you were greeted with Sam on the couch., "Motherfucker! Get this ugly ass ape off my island!" He yelled. He was clearly the only one on the main floor.

"Gee, you oughta think Nick was paying us a visit," Bucky laughed to himself. He always found jokes about Nick were hilarious.

You immediately scurried to the couch to see what Sam was doing. He was playing Animal Crossing! You sat next to him, immersed in watching him play the game. Sam was wacking the ape character Al with a net. Bucky seemed to notice what Sam was doing and began to walk away. You noticed he was uncomfortable and walked away. You figured you'd tell Sam about you and Bucky's adventure later.

Following Bucky into his room, you carried your bag with you. Once you made it to the familiar dark room, you plopped the bag onto Bucky's cluttered bedside table. He reached into the bag and pulled out his special edition switch.

"You ready to play?" He asked with a smile on his face. You nodded and retrieved your switch from your room. You popped the cartridges into your consoles and began playing.

You both were silent for a while until Bucky looked up at you. "What two villagers do you have?"

"Antonio and Wolfgang, what about you Bucky?"

He turned his screen to show you. You saw a greenish elephant with purple eyeshadow and recognized her as Opal immediately. The winged eyeliner helped you identify the sassy and snooty villager. He walked closer to the famous green tent that belongs to Tom Nook and saw a lovely brown doe. You smiled at the fact that Bucky had one of your favorite villagers, Fauna. She was always so sweet and generous. At a young age, she had your heart. He turned his screen back to him, and you listened to the noises his switch made. You could hear the sound of him weeding, which put a smirk on your face.

"Whatcha smiling about over there, cutie," He said.

"Once you finish weeding, sell it to Tom Nook. You'll find the bell count funny,"

"Tom Nook is a capitalist crook!" Sam said as he passed Bucky's room. Both you and Bucky laughed at Sam's comment. The comment also helped you realize the door was wide open. Bucky leaped off his bed and shut the door. Returning to his bed, he whelved in his blankets. Not because he wanted to hide from you, he just was so focused.

The next few days you saw Bucky less and less. He was cooped up in his room playing Animal Crossing. The only time you really saw him was to grab snacks. So, you had an amazing idea! Animal Crossing sugar cookies! You knew Bucky would love them. He has a massive sweet tooth, and he'd love the Animal Crossing crossover! With the idea in your head, you got to baking. You snuck off to Tony's lab to 3-D print a cookie cutter. While that was printing, you began the baking. You found a simple sugar cookie recipe and followed it to a T. When you got to the part where you needed the cookie cutter, you asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to have one of the agents on the training floor run it up to you. Once the agent, who ended up being a baker herself, ran you up the cookie cutter, you cut them and began baking them. When you popped them in the oven, you immediately began working on the two colors of green frosting. You squealed you were so excited! Later on, you finished the cookies. You asked F.R.I.D.A.Y to let Bucky know you're coming up and began your trip. You carried the cookies, frosting and all, and knocked on Bucky's door.

"Come in!" Bucky yelled.

You walked into his room, and to much surprise, his curtains were drawn! "Animal Crossing change your mind on the light?" Bucky laughed at the comment and looked up at you. He gasped at the sight of the cookies.

"Oh yeah! I made these for you," You laughed, handing him the glass plate with the vibrant cookies. You watched Bucky immediately shove one into his mouth and moan with delight.

"They good Buck?"

"SO GOOD!" He yelled, viciously chewing on the cookie. You scrunched your nose at the sight of him chewing while talking. You slowly backed to the door and walked away. While you were walking, you heard a muffled 'thank you!' and some mumbling.

On your way downstairs, you checked the time. It was almost 8 at night, and you still hadn't had dinner. You approached the kitchen and made a quick salad. Once it was prepped, you made your way into your room. After you made it, your phone buzzed on your bed. Hustling over to check it, you realized it was a text from Buck!

Bucky Boy: check your inbox thingie on animal crossin

You quickly grabbed your switch and selected Animal Crossing. Getting gifts was a great part of Animal Crossing that you loved! It was always so fun seeing what people decided to give to others, it was really kind. Once the game loaded, you made your character run to the inbox area. You found a postcard written by Bucky.

To the beautiful Y/N, Thank you for the cookies. They were amazing and I have to return the favor once I figure out how to turn on the oven. JK I know how to turn it on, but I can't bake. I'm sending you this here instead of talking in real life because honestly, I'm shy. Long story short, I love you. You introduced me to this escape and I'm grateful. But I liked you before that too...I promise. Um...enjoy the gift. -Bucky

You teared up at the sight of Bucky's sweet yet awkward words. Quickly, you accepted the gift and opened up your inventory to get it.

There it was. A dress from your closet made in Animal Crossing. Made by the sweetheart Bucky Barnes.

And you loved it.

#bucky barnes #Winter Soldier #bucky barnes imagine #bucky barns x reader #bucky barnes x y/n #bucky barnes x you #marvel #mcu #fanfic #marvel fanfic #marvel studios #captain america #marvel cinematic universe

[acequidwrites]

For someone who’s spent their life frozen, heat is intoxicating. (Only, it’s not quite heat, but something more like hate. It feels good.)

Tory brings out the worst in Sam. Sam doesn't mind.

FANDOM: Cobra Kai

PAIRINGS: Samantha LaRusso & Tory Nichols (romance if you squint)

Sam is well and truly a LaRusso, which means she doesn’t get mad. It’s not that she doesn’t want to. It’s that she’s not allowed.

Sam is well and truly a LaRusso, which means from birth she’s been raised with a one-word mantra: Balance. Her childhood was her father reciting meaningless lines that she was expected to internalize: endless variations of, “Remember, Sam: if your whole life has balance, everything will be better.”

Balancing physical and mental health. Balancing her school and social life. Balancing her emotions. Don’t get angry, don’t get overwhelmed, don’t get fiery; Sam is well and truly a LaRusso, which means she is supposed to be ice.

Somewhere along the way, balance becomes stagnation, becomes repression, and Sam starts hauling around a frozen core. The thing about being ice: it comes with inevitable numbness.

She is no longer just Sam. Her name becomes worth only as much as the appellation that follows it. She is “Sam the Peacekeeper” to her family, “Sam the Prize” to the boys, “Sam the Floormat” to the people she calls friends. She doesn’t do anything about it. Not because she doesn’t want to. Because she’s not allowed.

Her subconscious hums a little tune when the red creeps into the edges of her vision. (Yasmine, I told you you shouldn’t be on your phone—we have to call the police!) A little incantation that keeps her grounded, (Sam, you shouldn’t lie. Kyler told everyone what happened at the theater) just to remind herself not to lose her temper. (“The enemy”? Do you even hear yourself? I-I don’t even know who you are anymore.) Don’t get angry, Sam, remember: your life is better with balance. Keep your cool and everything will work out exactly the way it should.

She doesn’t get upset, doesn’t get passionate, doesn’t want change, doesn’t want revenge; she doesn’t want.  

(Tory wants.

She always has. And what she wants, she takes.)

Sam has been a LaRusso her whole life; she has been ice for longer than she can remember. With seven words, she starts to thaw.

“Listen, I didn’t rob your mom, bitch.”

Seven words chip a hole right out of her center, drop a burning coal in and leave it to smolder.

She is no longer just Sam. She is “Princess,” or “LaRusso,” or “Bitch,” and with every word, Tory is driving her mad. It’s the way she shows up out of the blue, taking everything that used to be Sam’s: her best friend, her boyfriend, her self-control. Tory doesn’t give a shit about balance. Tory is hot-headed and stubborn and impulsive and everything Sam has forgotten how to be. Tory is an IV drip of gasoline driven deep into Sam’s chest, making her volatile. Combustible.

Tory knocks her down; Sam fights back. She’s not supposed to. She’s not supposed to, but there are floor burns on the heels of her hands and a fire sparking somewhere inside and she’s been skating since she was six, so she sweeps Tory’s legs in a move so very Cobra Kai it would have made her father cringe.

Tory challenges her; Sam accepts. (Except, it might be that Sam challenges Tory, after all.)  “You sure you wanna do this?” Robby asks, all sweet and noble and concerned.

And Sam snaps, “What, you don’t think I can beat her?” because he doesn’t get it. She’s not trying to prove herself. This isn’t an honor thing. There’s a heat spreading along the length of her spine, and Tory smirks at her, and this is, wholeheartedly, a spite thing. She wants to see Tory fall.

For someone who’s spent their life frozen, heat is intoxicating. (Only, it’s not quite heat, but something more like hate. It feels good.)

Fact: Sam doesn’t drink. Not much, not often.

Fact: this is a goddamn balance game and Sam isn’t about to lose.

She steels her face against the bitter taste of each swallow, crushes the Solo cup a little more forcefully every time. One. Two. Three. She starts to feel it by four, but, How you doing over there, LaRusso? And, well. She’s not about to stop.

“I could do this all day,” she says, slurring only slightly, and Tory tilts her head like she doesn’t believe it, and someone hands her a shot of vodka.

The smell throws her—sharp, like nail polish remover—and she starts to shake. Tory watches her, smug, expecting her to fall and that’s all Sam needs. She draws on a lifetime of practice to center herself, meets Tory’s eyes, and downs the shot expertly. Tory’s smirk disappears, and Sam’s just thrown a significant amount of alcohol directly onto the nascent blaze starting to spread through her body, and it feels really good.

Tory falls. The fire starts scorching Sam’s skin.

“Guess somebody couldn’t hold their liquor, huh?” and Tory’s eyes are staring unadulterated hatred, and God, she wants to feel like this all time.

She’s winning, that’s what this is. She’s striking harder. The world is spinning and her vision’s blurring, but whatever, she knows enough about winning to know you have to press the advantage when you have one.

Of course, that’s when she goes too far.

She’s drunk, and Miguel is there, and that would be the ultimate final point, wouldn’t it? Stealing Miguel away, taking him back? Showing the whole world he never loved Tory, and because Tory never really had Miguel, she never really had anything in the Valley. It would destroy her. It would destroy her. Sam kisses him.

And it feels wrong.

It feels cold.

Cold like all-too-familiar liquid lead sinking from her lips to her stomach, sapping the heat from her bones. It’s not Robby who she thinks about when she pulls away. It’s not anybody, at first. She’s just focused on the way her fingertips have suddenly stopped tingling, why her limbs feel heavier, why her thoughts are sluggish and her face feels like stone.

Robby comes next: sweet and noble and concerned, yes, but also handsome and trusting and steady and funny and what has she done?

Miguel has time to say, “We shouldn’t have…” before she thinks about Tory. (It would destroy her.) Tory, and how she doesn’t want to end it—this, whatever this is, that’s made her feel alive for the first time in years—she doesn’t want it to end. Not truly. Not permanently.

What have I done?

She doesn’t know it yet, but her regret comes too late.

(Tory hates. And when she hates, she fights.)

#cobra kai #cobra kai fanfic #cobra kai fic #acequidfics #sam character study