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oligbia · 3 years

Note

Hi hii~

Could you do a truth or dare (or 7 minutes in heaven) Eijiro Kirishima short story (maybe nsfw if possible heh), please? 🥺

Keep up the great work!! 💕

Of course you can darling! Im super excited to get any and all requests and im really excited to do this one! Thank you so much for your support, it means the absolute world to me. I haven't written a lot of smut with guys recently, ive been on more of a wlw thing, so im a little rusty hehe. . .

I honestly didn't do a lot of editing on this once it was done, I had it going like "all the way" then realized Kiri wouldn't do that on the first day- anyways it'll make sense. If you want more Kiri stuff I can totally give you more, just let me know :)

7 Minutes In Heaven

Pro Hero!Eijiro KirishimaXReader

NSFW, Minors do not interact

Warnings: Sexual behavior, giving and receiving oral, making out in a closet, mild swearing

A hero gala was an event like none other. It was a night were all Japan's hero's and their dotting staff would all assemble to accept awards and receive rankings. It was a night for citizens to see their favorite hero's dressed to the nines and hash out who was truly the best hero on social media.

And, for starter hero's, it's was night to get shit faced, since the likelyhood of them reciving any award was slim anyways.

Pro heroes Red Riot, Pinky, Cellophane, and Chargebolt where no exception to this. They were all still pretty low in the ranks of heroes, especially considering they were all fresh out of UA only a few years ago. The only two UA graduates to jump into the hero world right were no surprise Deku and Dynamite. Deku practically left UA the top hero, entering in at the 5th rank overall. Dynamite took a little work, he still wasn't a fan favorite, but his work was undeniable, he was easily starting in at rank 10.

The formerly-known bakusquad sat comfortably at the back of the gala room, all a little tipsy. They watched as Bakugou was being practically held on a child leash by Best Jeanist, forced to be on best behavior.

Denki watched the room quickly, his shifting glances moving quickly. His eyes landed on your figure somewhere across the way.

"Oh my god, is that Y/N? We haven't seen her since UA!" His voice wasn't at all hushed, people around the table glancing at him with slight disgust.

"Woah, that totally is!" Sero joined in on the ogling. "She's like, totally hot now!"

Kirishima looked your way, practically chocking on his champagne. He let out a few strangled coughs when his eyes landed on your form. The dress you were wearing was long and elegant, showing off your curves and hugging your waist. He was able to see your toned arms and watch as they elegantly moved as you spoke.

Mina poked Kiri's now flushed cheek. "You always had quite the hots for Y/N in UA, huh? And she wasn't even in our class."

Kirishima rolled his eyes. "I didn't 'have the hots for her.' I just thought she was...manly."

Denki and Sero puckered their faces, making kissing sounds, their drunken state throwing them back to a bunch of 14 year olds, rather than the 24 year olds they were now.

Kirishima waved them off, shaking his head. Mina abruptly stood up, waving you over. It was no time before you turned around, your gaze meeting her as you flashed your smile at her.

Kirishima swatted at Mina, trying to pull her back into her seat. "Mina, sit down, you're embarrassing us."

"Oh please, those two are embarrassing. I'm helping."

Kirishima watched as you moved your way to his table smiling softly. "It's great to see you all. I haven't seen you guys since we graduated."

Kirishima wanted to say something, but his tongue was sadly caught in his own mouth.

"Crazy, I know! I see you're doing well as a support gear engineer, that's exciting!" Mina made easy small talk, her foot kicking Kirishima's calf under the table. "You know, Kirishima here has been needing some new support gear!"

You smiled at Kiri, your own face going a little red. He was much older now. His jawline was more defined, his build larger. You couldn't tell from his suit how much stronger he was, but you could tell he was clearly built and taller. His hair had grown out a bit, it neatly tied back into a manbun.

"Oh? Does Fatgum not have someone who can make it for you?"

Kirishima smiled, laughing awkwardly. "He does, or, we do. They just, aren't as good at you."

"You haven't seen my work since UA, it's not l that improved. I still have a lot to learn before I'm good…"

Kirishima shook his head. "Don't say that, you were always super smart and made us amazing gear!" Kirishima blushed at his sudden enthusiasm.

Mina stood up, offering you her seat. "Y/N, would you mind staying here with Kiri for a moment, I think Denki and Sero needed to excuse themselves but are a little, ya'know." Mina made a drinking motion with her hand, elbowing Sero and Denki to follow her lead. The two had been snickering the entire time while simultaneously drooling over you.

The trio walked off, leaving you alone with Kirishima. Kirishima chuckled softly, lost for words again.

"So, how's the side-kick life?"

Kirishima looked up at you. "It's alright. Fatgum is an amazing hero. He's super manly! And working for him is great too! Especially when he feeds me during patrols!"

You smiled at him, that smile that drives him crazy. "Well, you're definitely in the favor of girls everywhere. Your girlfriend is probably thrilled to have such a stong-"

"I don't have a girlfriend!" Kirishima practically leaped from his seat to assure you that he was indeed single. He cleared his throat, attempting to regain some composure. "I don't have a girlfriend. I am, completely single."

"Oh. I just figured someone as amazing and pretty as yourself would have a girlfriend." You looked down at your fingers, fidgeting with them as a soft blush spread across your face.

"You think I’m pretty?" Kirishima looks over at you, flashing you a small, toothy, grin.

"Is that weird?"

"Not at all! I think it's manly!"

You both laughed awkwardly. You both sit in silence for a moment, an incredibly awkward silence.

Kirishima spoke up first. “Do you have a boyfriend?”

You shook your head no. Kirishima nodded. Muttering a “cool, cool” under his breath.

Shortly thereafter, much to Kirishima’s relief, Mina returned with Denki and Sero. She smiled at you, her gaze warm. “These two are a bit over the edge and about to make a fool of themselves. I think we should go to Kirishima’s place and continue this party there, yea?”

Kirishima groaned. “Why my place? You have your own house, Mina.”

“I know, but yours is so much bigger and it’s closer to the venue.” She winked at Kirishima and glanced at youquickly, dropping hints. Kirishima, a little confused, gave up any sort of bickering he had.

“Fine.” He scratched the back of his neck, smiling at you. “Did you want to come, Y/N?”

You nodded, thanking him for the invitation. Mina threw her hands up excitedly, grabbing Denki and Sero, pulling them out behind her. Kirishima stood up, offering you his arm. You rested your hands on it, allowing him to lead you out of the venue.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Let’s play truth or dare!” Denki called out, laying sprawled out on Kirishima’s living room floor. Sero was laying near him, half asleep. Mina was cast over a chair, her legs dangling over one of the armrests. You were seated comfortably on Kirishima’s couch, wearing a pair of his sweats and hoodies. He had offered you the change of clothes when you came over with the group, wanting to keep you comfortable. To him, seeing you in his clothes was some fantasy of his. The way his clothes hung off your smaller body was adorable and was doing something to him he wasn’t sure he could explain.

Sero shoots Denki a look. “Isn’t that game for middle schoolers? People our age play, I don’t know, checkers?”

Mina perked up at the mention of the game. She was, of course, the matchmaker of the night, determined to land Kiri a girlfriend out of the girl he spent his entire high school experience crushing on, or, at least, give him a solid one-night stand if you both were willing. “Don’t be such a drag, Sero! It can be fun. We’re 24, not 64.”

Mina spun herself around in the chair, sitting cross legged and facing the group. She looked over at you and Kiri, who was sitting a considerable distance from each other on the couch. “What about it, you two. Are you both down?”

Kirishima shifted a little uncomfortably in his seat, unsure of Mina and her antics.

“Why not?”

Kirishima’s face shot to face yours, his eyes wide in surprise. “I’m in too, I guess.”

Mina clapped her hands together. “Okie dokie, zappy, you get us started.”

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

After being a few hours into the game, Denki was officially dumbed out and Sero was asleep on the couch. Mina giggled, looking over at you. “Okay okay Y/N, truth or dare?”

You hummed, thinking. “Truth.”

Mina groaned. “C’mon, pick dare for once!”

You shook your head. “Please, last time I did, you had me eat a spoonful of that random shit Kirishima had in his fridge.”

Kirishima chuckled, “I swear to you, it’s Bakugou’s.”

Mina sighed. “Fine. Back in your UA days, was there ever someone you had a crush on?”

Your face grew red as a blush laid across your cheeks. “What?”

Mina teased you, “A crush! You got to build hero gear for all those classmates and see them in their trained glory. . .you had to have liked someone.”

“I mean, there was someone. But it’s long done, they wouldn’t have liked me anyway and we’re grown up now.”

Mina pouted. “C’mon, Y/N, that isn’t true. You’re so pretty, any guy would have liked you! Who was it?”

You inhaled a deep breath, looking at the ground, Kirishima and Mina’s eyes both peering daggers into you.

Denki, finally coming back to reality, slurred his words together. “It was definitely me, wasn’t it?”

You shook your head. “In your dreams.”

Denki pouted, but Kirishima let out a breath of relief. His chances of knowing you maybe had liked him back at one point was the right amount of reassurance he needed.

You looked at Mina. “If I tell you, you have to swear to me you’ll keep quiet.”

Mina motioned a zipper over her lips. “Sister’s honor.”

You lean over your end of the couch, pressing your face against Mina's ear. You cup your hands, whispering into her ear the name she was waiting for.

And like gears working in clockwork, Mina was working on the ultimate plan to get the two of you alone.

* * * * * * * * * *

“Kirishima, truth or dare?”

“Dare. Hit me with the best you got.” It was well into the early hours of the morning now, the hero gala long over. You still were at Kirishima’s house, playing truth or dare. You were sitting closer to Kirishima now, sharing a blanket over the two of you, legs brushing softly. His hand was constantly inches from yours, the idea of holding it constantly toying in the back of his mind.

“7 Minutes in Heaven with Y/N.”

Both of your jaws practically hit the floor, a deep crimson spreading over both of your cheeks. You looked away from Kirishima, trying to hide your fluster. He placed a gentle hand on your knee, speaking to you softly. “We don’t have to if you don’t want to. I can take you home right now if you want.”

Thoughts spread through your mind, deciding what to do. You liked Kirishima, you had for years now. You did at UA when you worked to design his hero gear, and your affections never wore off, watching him do his job as a hero sidekick only fueling the admiration you had for him.

“I’m okay with it.”

* * * * * * * * * * * *

The closet in Kirishima’s room smelled like fresh laundry, his calonge, and teen-turned-young-adult pheromones. It was dark, you were hardly able to make out the tall and well-built man in front of you, his muscles and long mane outlined softly. He went to scratch the back of his neck awkwardly, accidentally bumping your smaller form. He rushed out a frantic apology, the blush growing on both of your faces.

“Hey, Y/N, who was it you liked at UA?”

You looked away from him, trying to hide your face. You mumbled softly to yourself some answer he wasn’t able to hear.

“What was that?”

You remained quiet, not budging. Kirishima gulped, swallowing the massive lump of pride that was making his mouth dry. “I guess a closet during a game of truth or dare is a pretty good time to tell you,” Kirishima fumbled over his words a little, grabbing for your free hand. “I always sort of liked you. I mean, I liked you when we were kids at UA. But then we graduated, but, I guess I never really stopped. I’m not sure how manly that is-”

“I like you too.”

“...but you probably like heroes like Midoriya or Bakugou- wait what?” Kirishima stopped his rambling, trying to find your eyes in the dark. He locked onto the faint glimmer of your eyes in the dark. He was always one to think that being manly meant taking a risk from time to time, and he was everything that was manly.

Kirishima pulled you closer to him, pressing his lips to yours. The hand that wasn’t holding yours wandered to cup your face, holding it close to him. You gasped into the kiss, his sudden embrace taking you for a surprise. His lips were surprisingly soft, tasting faintly of cherries and champagne. The kiss was initially gentle, but, feeling your body press flesh against his, Kirishima dipped your head, deepening the kiss.

The hand that was grabbing yours found its way to your waist, tugging you closer to him. You sighed into the kiss, Kirishima’s breath warm against your skin. His tongue gently brushed across your bottom lip, his teeth accidentally grazing yours in his rushed attempt to draw you both even closer.

You pulled away first, looking up at Kirishima with half-lidded eyes, painting slightly. You licked your lips, taking in the remaining taste of his cherry taste. Kirishima let out a husky and shaky breath, still holding your waist. He blinked a few times, realization hitting him over what he had done.

"Oh my God, Y/N, I am so sorry, it isn't manly to not ask for consent first and-"

"Kirishima, it's okay. I agreed to come into this closet with you like we were kids or something."

Kirishima pulled you against him again, hovering his face against your ear. His voice was soft, growing husky with his hushed volume.

"Then, can I kiss you again?"

You nodded softly, anticipation growing.

"Perfect." Kirishima grabbed your face, smashing his lips into yours. Your hands traveled to hang off his neck, gently toying with his long locks. Kirishima gently moved his hand from your waist, letting it rest on your lower back as he pulled you even closer to him. His tongue licked your bottom lip, gently pulling it with his bottom lip. You mewled softly into the kiss, letting his tongue meet yours as it lapped up your mouth.

Needing air, Kirishima pulled off from your kiss, going to press kisses along your jawline and neck. He pressed fast and quick butterfly kisses to your neck, your hands tugging at his hair. He grunted, frustrated with the restraints of his hoodie you were wearing. You gently pushed him off, pulling his hoodie over your head, landing somewhere amongst his closet. Kirishima smiled at your now exposed top, your breasts filling out the bra you were wearing.

"You are absolutely stunning." He caressed your cheek with his thumb. "Can we keep going?"

You nodded, and Kirishima took no time going back to kissing your neck, this time leaving sloppy open kisses, his tongue leaving wet and sloppy marks along your skin. His teeth grazed at your skin ever so slightly, sending shivers up your spine. His teeth grazed over your sensitive spot as you moaned out involuntarily. Your hand quickly shot up to cover your mouth, aware of the fact that people were sitting in Kirishima's living room, possibly hearing you.

Kirishima pulled away, looking at you confused. He gently moved your hand from your mouth. "Why would you want to be quiet? You sounded so pretty?"

Kirishima, without hesitation, nipped at the sensitive part of your neck, desperate to hear you moan again. He kept nipping at your neck, sucking at the skin softly to sooth it. Your little mewls and moans nagging him on and on.

**************

Kaminari looked up from his watch. "Mina it's been forever, go let them out."

Mina, pressed against the door, giggled as she returned back to Kaminari and Sero, who was now awake again.

"No way! Those two are totally going at it. I successfully am the new cupid boys!"

Sero groaned. "Are we going to stay here all night then? I don't want to hear that all night."

Mina shook her head. "No, we'll leave then be."

The trio showed themselves out, but not before Mina could slip a couple pain killers and condoms into your belongings on the way out.

******

Kirishima's hands dipped to your ass, lifting you up. He held you one handed, his strong arms and large hands being bigger than your small form. You pressed lazy kisses to his neck as he fumbled for the doorknob behind him, trying to open the door to his bedroom.

After you had kissed up and down his jaw and neck, leaving smears of lipstick from the hero gala, Kirishima was able to get the door open. He threw you gently onto the bed, crawling on top of you. If you hadn’t already realized how massive this man’s form was now, you definitely made the connection when he was looming over you. His chest heaved heavily, the muscles in his arms and under his shirt contracting and rippling. His hair was long, falling into his face.

“Kirishima, what if they’re still here…”

Through heavy breaths, he kissed on your neck again, using the same butterfly kisses as before. “Don’t care.”

You hummed at the pleasant feeling of his soft kisses on your skin and the light tickling of his hair grazing your cheeks. “We should check though… they may be worried.”

Kirishima pulled his head back, looking behind him at the door. “Mina?” He yelled out, waiting for a response. “Nothing. It’s just us baby. Are you okay with that?”

You nodded, giving him permission to keep going. His hands traveled up your waist and sides, landing next to your breasts. His locked his lips to yours, his tongue wasting no time dipping into your mouth. Kirishima moved his hands to gently cup your chest over your bra, squeezing softly. A small moan escaped through your mouth, your breasts becoming sensitive under his touch. Your hands traced over his chest and arms, fingertips taking their time to feel each of his muscles. They found themselves in his hair again, pulling at it gently as you raked your hands through it. A shallow moan left Kirishima's lips as he pulled away from you, gently tugging at your bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled away. He looked at you with lidded eyes, a hunger glistening over his face. He looked at you with that same charming smile he always had, pulling his shirt over his chest. Your eyes widened at the sight of him. He had definitely grown since he was in high school all those years ago. He was built like a greek god, his pecks large and his muscles toned. Your fingertips gently felt up his chest and abdomen, shivers traveling up Kirishima’s spine.

“You’re beautiful, Eijiro.”

“Eijiro? We’re that close already?”

You giggled. “I mean, by the way you grabbed my chest, I would think so.”

Kirishima shook his head, lowering his body back down to yours. He kept himself propped up on his arms, leaving soft kisses along your face and jaw before hovering over your ear. “Well, I would love to do more if you let me.” His teeth nipped at the bottom of your ear.

“Please.”

Kirishima’s hands fumbled with the back of your bra, unhooking it and pulling it off you. His hands held your tender breasts. He placed gentle kisses along your chest, fingers toying softly with your nipples. His thumbs brushed over the sensitive buds, pulling them ever so gently. Soft moans sounded from you, only pushing Kirishima further with his teasing.

He looked at you with a wink and a smirk, before placing a gentle kiss over one of your breasts, sucking on it gently. His tongue worked circles around your nipple, your body squirming slightly under his touch. He tugged at it gently with his teeth, pulling away and giving the other breast the same attention. Your hands pulled at his hair, a grunt sounding out over your breast when you found a sensitive spot on his head.

He pulled up, admiring your form under him. Your face was pink with blush, your hair falling in a mess over his face, your lipstick smudged around your lips. Small bruises were adorning your neck and chest, breasts slick with his spit.

“You are absolutely perfect, sweetheart. The best thing I have ever seen.”

Eijiro moved his hands around the sweatpants you had borrowed, pulling them off your legs. His hands grazed the side of your leg, following up from your ankle to you hips. “So, so beautiful.”

He placed gentle kisses along your inner thighs, gently massaging them with his hands. His face was ever so close to your clothed folds, the teasing leaving you a mess. Kirishima took you by surprise, biting down on your thighs. Your moan was louder than any had been so far, the pain being laced with pleasure. You would definitely be able to see his bite marks and a bruise in the morning.

“You like that, huh? You like when I mark you up, make you all mine?”

You nodded, eyes closing as Kirishima bit down on your other thigh as you moaned out in pleasure. He placed gentle kisses over the new bitemark, lapping at it gently with his tongue.

His fingers hooked over the band of your underwear. “Is it okay if I keep going, sweetheart? Only if you want me to.”

You nodded your head, trying to rub your thighs together to get any sort of friction to aid your growing needs.

“Let me hear you, baby. Can I keep going?”

“God, yes Eijiro, please keep going.”

Kirishima smiled and pulled off your underwear, throwing it aside somewhere. His thumb gently felt along your folds, grazing across your clit. “God, every inch of you is absolute perfection. You're so pretty, baby.

You mewled at his touch, your folds already wet in anticipation. Kirishima dragged his tongue across your folds, lapping gently, teasing you. He was practically purring against you, losing his mind. He had never, ever, thought the girl he liked the most would be so completely unraveled under him. He sucked against your clit, moans and strings of babbled phrases leaving your mouth.

“Stop teasing me, Eijiro. Please, give me more.”

He pulled away, blowing softly against you, the cold air sending you squirming again. “So greedy, sweetheart. I promise I’ll make you feel so good.”

He rolled your clit with the pad of his thumb, moving it in soft circles. Your waist bucked forward under his touch, a growing tension in your stomach. Kirishima gently placed two fingers in you, pumping them out gently. You moaned, the stretch of his large fingers was absolutely unraveling. He pumped them in and out slowly, wanting you to get adjusted the best you could. He watched as you clenched around his digits. His thrusts turned to a scissoring motion as he added a third finger. The new stretch was absolutely mind numbing. He pumped the three fingers in and out of you, barely grazing the spot that needed him most. You bucked forward to him, trying to lower yourself further onto your fingers. Kirishima watched with intention, thrusting his fingers in deeper and faster. He hit the spot you needed, the moan leaving your lips was sinful and the best thing he had ever heard.

“Right there, Eijiro. Please, right there.”

“Is that good, baby? Do you feel good?” Kirishima’s voice was low, a practical growl. You mewled, legs shaking.

“I, I think I’m close.”

"That's okay, you can come when you're ready. I want you to feel good."

Kirishima thrusted his fingers in and out of you, curling them against your g-spot. You felt a knot grow in your stomach, snapping as Kirishima rubbed against your clit. Your body shook as you came, moaning his name.

Kirishima pulled his fingers out gently, locking eyes with you as he licked your juices off his fingers, sucking them slowly and licking them clean. He licked a clean stripe against your folds, sucking any remaining juices from you. You mewled and moaned, sensitive to his touch.

"You taste so good, so perfect, Y/N." Kirishima's face was covered in your slick and sweat, your lipstick still smeared on his neck. His hair was a mess, tangled from where your hands had been tugging at it.

You sat up a little, "Can I take care of that?" You glanced down at the tent that was straining against his pants.

"Only if you want." Kirishima pulled you closer to him, sitting you on his lap at the end of the bed, moving you around with ease. His head rested against your ear, voice low. "I want you to feel good, sweetheart."

You pressed a gentle kiss to his temple, sliding off his lap and sitting on your knees on the ground. You felt the fabriced bulge, watching as Kirishima shivered, eyes never leaving you. You slowly undid his belt, pulling his pants off him, letting them rest at his feet. His erection sprang through his boxers, precum peaking through. You licked a strip over, the fabric growing damp under your touch. Kirishima's grip tightened on the sheets of the bed. You palmed the length, trying to rub it, but it was honestly much to large for one hand to manage. Your mind was putty imagining how much he was packing.

You hooked the band of his boxers around your fingers, pulling them off his legs. Your eyes widened, gawking at the sight of him. He was, large, to say the least. You honestly weren't sure if you could manage him.

"Like what you see, baby?" Kirishima smirked down at you, eyebrows raised.

You nodded, rubbing a circle around his tip with your thumb. Kirishima let out a shaky breath, his composer slowly breaking.

You tried to stroke him up and down, your hand unable to fully wrap around his shaft. You pumped up and down gently, picking up speed slowly. Kirishima threw his head back, mumbling your name under his breath.

You took him into your mouth slowly, tounge swirling around his tip.

"Fuck, Y/N" Kirishima's voice was breathy and full of need.

You bobbed your head up and down his length slowly, trying to take in as much as you could. When you hollowed out your cheeks, taking in enough of him that you hit the back of your throat, Kiri let out one of the most sinful moans you had heard. He was one of the last people you would expect to be so vocal, but if you said it wasn't the hottest thing you've heard, you would be lying.

Kirishima grabbed onto a bunch of your hair, his hand massive against your hair. He pulled you gently up and down his length, guiding you through what felt good.

"Just like that, baby. Good girl."

You grew faster, stroking the lengths you couldn't reach with your mouth. You felt him twitch in your mouth, his grip on on your head tighter.

"I'm so close, Y/N. Fuck, you're so good. Take me like the pretty girl you are."

You stroked him faster, licking against him as he moved in and out of your face. You watched his face contort as he came in your mouth. You liked your lips, swallowing his load the best you could. You coughed a little, not anticipating so much. Kirishima panted, relieved. His eyes widened, realizing what happened. He looked at you, leftovers come sitting on your face.

"Oh my God, i'm so sorry. Hold on-"

Kirishima pulled a towel out of the closet, cleaning your face off.

"You don't have to apologize. I just hope I did okay?"

He smiled, pressing a kiss to your hairline. "You were perfect. Thank you."

He helped you stand, holding your waist. "If it isn't too much too soon, we can shower and you can maybe sleep over?"

"I would like that, Eijiro."

#kirishima x reader #kirishima x reader smut

163 notes · View notes

joontier · 4 years

Text

mercedes midnight runs | drabble

synopsis: ur thirsting over jk driving you around in a mercedes

pairings: jungkook x reader

rating: R

genre: smut, angst | warnings: pwp basically (the thirst is real and unquenchable) with lidol angst ; swearing ; degradation ; car sex (pls dont do this while driving fjlaksas)

word count: 2.1k

g/n: this is the first installment for my ‘between the lines’ collection! ackkk ive been wanting to do this for so long because ive always thirsted over the boys driving and imagining jk driving his mercedes around seoul is just,,,,, eye ---- btw, this is heavily unedited nhnghgnhgn i just had to share the thirst with yall real quick

between the lines navi. | navi. | m.list

You’ve already planned out a quiet night to yourself tonight to rest and get your mind off of things, but all of a sudden, just as you were about to settle in bed, Jungkook sends you a text, telling you to get ready in half an hour because he’s going to pick you up and take you out somewhere.

It isn't new news anymore that he’s texting you at this hour because he’s only permitted to go out after his schedules, which usually also end late at night. Superstar problems, can’t relate.

Well, that and because your relationship with him warrants these types of late night meet-ups. It’s that type of arrangement you’d never thought you’d agree to, but eventually, learned to cope with. Your phone pings - a new message.

[🕺] 12:45AM

im out front

When you exit your apartment, you see an unfamiliar silver car parked in front of the building, you back up the stairs, wary of who might be inside the mysterious vehicle. The window rolls down halfway, and you see Jungkook takes a peek through the small space.

Going back down the steps, you quickly climb inside the vehicle. “New car?”

“Yeah, you like it?”

You hum in agreement, tracing a hand along the sleek design of the dashboard. “It’s very...you,” you remark, in awe at how this new Benz fits Jungkook so well. “C’mere,” Jungkook tugs at your elbow, closing the distance between the two of you. “Fuck, you don’t know how much I missed you.” He presses his lightly chapped lips against yours, nipping gently at your bottom lip. Abruptly, you pull away, worried.

“Kook...what if someone sees?”

“I got the windows tinted. I got this car for us.” His words resonate throughout the car, and you're afraid he might hear your heart thudding strongly in your chest. You choose to ignore the implications of his words, focusing on his presence and not your treacherous thoughts.

You give him a chaste kiss on his cheek in reply, sending a smile in his direction. You hope he doesn't see your real emotions swimming in your eyes. “Where are we escaping off to tonight?” Internally cringing at your careless choice of words, you take off your hoodie and place it at the backseat, along with your purse, all the while giving him a generous display of your cleavage as a distraction.

Jungkook’s tongue darts out to moisten his lips. “I’m having second thoughts now, if we should really leave or not,” he says, unabashedly staring at your chest, eyeing your nipples, pert against the fabric of your low-cut top. “No bra?”

“You told me you’d be here in twenty minutes, so I had to hurry….”

“Wearing a bra takes you twenty minutes now?” Jungkook snorts, shaking his head at your lame excuse.

“Yup, especially when all I could think about is having you take them off. So be grateful, because I’m doing you a favor.” You give him a wink, giggling when he huffs and starts the car. You’ve outwitted him once more. Silently, deep within the recesses of your brain, you wish you had the same amount of control you had over your words with your heart, especially when you’re around Jungkook.

Connecting your phone to the car’s music player via bluetooth, you scroll through your recents and pick on your favorite playlist when you’re with Jungkook. ‘Sexy Can I’ by Ray J and Yung Berg comes first on shuffle.

“That sounds like a very promising playlist.”

Your conversation slowly lulls into silence, the two of you seated there quietly as you feel the enhanced bass reverberate throughout the new car. Leaning against the headrest, you glimpse at the man beside you, studying his features.

Sometimes you find it funny how never in a million years did you even dream of being this close to the Euphoria crooner. If it wasn’t for your cousin Eunkyung - an idol who debuted the same year as Jungkook did, who’s likewise a very good friend of the latter, then you don't think you would even come close to breathing the same air as the global sensation beside you.

Judging by the movement of Jungkook’s lips, you reckon he’s been speaking to you for the last five minutes, but you definitely have not processed a single word from him, for all you care. You couldn't blame yourself though, and Jungkook is certainly the one who is to take responsibility for your momentary preoccupation.

“You okay babe?”

“Mhmmhm”

If you were going to be completely honest, you were far from okay. Besides the many thoughts swirling inside your head, your trusty menstrual cycle tracker app is telling you that you’re bound to welcome your monthly visitor in a week - which means you’re PMSing - which further means you’re only in one certain state of mind - you’re insatiably horny.

Unfortunately for you, Jungkook is absolutely no help at all. Not when he constantly looks like sex personified - muscular thighs, veiny arms, the whole package. Plus, there’s something about Jungkook behind the wheel that’s ultimately driving you crazy.

A major part of it is your hormones for sure, but then again, even your hormones are thirsting over Jungkook driving, veiny forearms on display as he grips the wheel, or the way he backs up with only one hand on the steering wheel, or the way he sometimes keep a hand on your thigh as he drives. The formula is clear: Jeon Jungkook will be the cause of your insanity.

Jungkook pulls up the sleeves of his Carhartt sweater, revealing his nearing full-sleeve-tattooed right arm. The sight instantly makes you water, or wetter. Whichever the case may be.

You hadn’t seen him in a week, busy working on his mixtape, amongst other stuff. And you miss him terribly, sex with him included. As desperate and slutty that sounds, Jungkook is that type of person that leaves you wanting, yearning for more.

“What’s going on then?”

“If this is about Eunkyung…you know we already talked about that…”

“I don’t wanna talk about that, Jungkook.”

“What’s wrong then?”

You don’t answer, just silently watching the muscles on his forearm ripple as he pulls on the hand brake when you get to an intersection. You gulp, looking away as you push your thighs together, hoping that somehow the friction will help the desire pooling between your legs. The action doesn't go unnoticed by Jungkook, whose eyes instantly darken, now all too aware of your state.

“Tell me what’s wrong baby girl.”

Your resolve nearly breaks at the pet name, looking out the window to avoid his gaze. The light turns green again, and as he continues to drive, he rests a hand on your exposed thigh, strategically placing it just in the middle, the action gentle, yet enough to add fuel to your frustration.

His tattooed fingers gingerly trace patterns on your bare thigh. Fuck Jungkook and his thing for skirts. You weren't one to complain about his sexual fantasies though, not when wearing the skirts he buys for you gets you a good fucking afterwards.

You stay quiet in your seat, not giving the satisfaction that Jungkook gets knowing that he’s getting you all riled up. Two can play at this game.

Gingerly, you place a hand on top of his, gently guiding his hand north towards your core. The man driving beside you lets out a cough, sitting up straighter. Keeping his hand sliding up until he’s fully cupping your core, Jungkook chokes on thin air as he realizes you’re not wearing panties either.

“Let me guess, wearing underwear is too mainstream?”

Shrugging, you spread your legs wider, guiding his fingers to slide against your already glistening folds. A shot of electricity runs through your spine. “Fuck, baby girl, you’ll be the death of me,” Jungkook growls, taking a sharp intake of breath as he teases you, shallowly dipping a digit through your wet cunt.

“You’re fucking soaked. You seem to enjoy the thought, princess. Christening my car seats like the slut that you are?” He drawls, this time fully pushing a finger in as you get to another stoplight.

“Jungkook, don’t tease me like that baby.” Biting your lip to stop the moan that’s threatening to spill, your own hand reaches out to grab at Jungkook crotch. He hisses at the sensation. You smirk to yourself. Seems like you’re not the only one who’s greatly affected.

Encouraged by Jungkook’s reaction, you slip a hand through the waistband of his sweats, taking hold of his already hard cock. “And you’re surprised I don’t wear underwear? Bit rich coming from you now isn’t it?”

“Better watch your mouth and stop teasing me, baby girl. You might just get punished for that.”

“And what if I want to get punished?”

Jungkook huffs, pulling out his finger as the light turns orange. He brings his slick-covered finger to your lips, “Suck,” he orders. You oblige, sucking on his slender digit and swirling a tongue around it.

“You’re in for a fucking treat, naughty girl.”

It’s green again. With a sigh, Jungkook gets back to driving, this time religiously looking for a discreet place to stop over so he can fuck you properly. He finally finds a filling station, now driving with newly found urgency.

He parks in one secluded corner of the station, with just a singular parking space separating you from a parked truck, the driver snoring away happily.

The tension is thick in the air, inevitably making you feel hot even with the air conditioning on full blast. With no words needed to get the message across, you both unbuckle your seatbelts hastily, finding each other in a heated kiss shortly after.

Making another grab at Jungkook’s dick - outlining against the confines of his Puma sweats, you urge him to pull them down to his thighs so you can have a taste of your alleged ‘treat’. Likewise, he orders you to lift your skirt up, giving him easier access to have you writing on his fingers alone.

Scooting closer, you bend over the center console, taking Jungkook’s length in your hands. You place a tentative kiss on the tip before diving in, taking his cock inside your mouth. Jungkook lets out a guttural groan at the sensation, taking your hair into his hands, forming a makeshift ponytail on your head.

“You’re so fucking hot, you know that right?” His head throws back as you take him to the hilt, the tip hitting the back of your throat. At his compliment, you swallow and as you watch Jungkook visibly shudder, you give yourself a mental pat on the back.

As you continue to bob up and down Jungkook’s length, your hand travels between your legs, fingers easily finding your nether bud. With Jungkook starting to buck his hips upwards, helping you with your task, you quicken the pace of the fingers toying with your clit. You’re so close, but you’re doubtful you’ll even get to orgasm, considering your perched precariously over the console - definitely an uncomfortable position for you to orgasm in.

Jungkook senses your discomfort and tells you to sit down, and you’ll both do this together. As soon as you get seated, you scoot closer to the middle, when Jungkook’s hand extends to return its attention to your dripping cunt. You give Jungkook’s erection stands tall, likewise calling for attention. Heeding to its silent call, you wrap your fingers around his shaft, stroking his length languidly.

For a full minute, you both stay like that, trying to get each other to orgasm. Jungkook’s breathing gets labored by the second - the tell-tale signs he’s getting close. As your hand momentarily leaves his dick to massage his balls, his phone blares, startling you both out of your wits.

Letting out an annoyed huff, he grabs the phone and switches mute button down then thrusting the device somewhere on the dashboard. Pretending as if nothing happened, you continue your handjob until Jungkook can’t take it any longer, pulling you up from your seat and telling you to come and sit on his lap.

As soon as Jungkook pushes his seat back, you crawl over to his side, unceremoniously sitting on his lap, gyrating your hips as you slide your wet folds against the muscular expanse of his thigh. You’re almost there, Jungkook taking your breasts in his hands for more stimulation - that is until his phone vibrates loudly against the surface of the dashboard.

“You should probably get that,” you pull away, retreating to your seat: cockblocked for the second time. You check the dashboard for his phone, and get a glimpse of the caller’s ID on his screen. Eunkyung.

You place the device into Jungkook’s hands yourself.

“It’s your girlfriend calling.”

#bts smut #bangtanhq #btsguild #ficswithluv #btswritingcafe #btsgoldnet #btsghostie #ksmutclub #jungkook smut #jungkook x reader #bts drabbles

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fipindustries · 3 years

Text

three bittersweet feelings for which i dont have words

helping my mom

the other day i was visiting my mom and i had to go buy groceries, she decided to come with me to do much of the same, we both bought our separate stuff but when we get to the cashier she realises she forgot her credit card home, so i saw her there, in front of the cashier, getting incresingly desperate while looking through her wallet and then i stepped in and payed for both of our things.

the crazy thing was that it wasnt even that big of an expense for me and it was a lot of stuff, but as far as my finances go today i was able to perfectly accomodate it without worrying too much.

it was strange because usually i am the one who has to be bailed out of money problems, to be able to be there for someone else was... nice.

i remember like ten years ago being in a similar situation with my dad and he refusing adamantly, to the point of getting angry with me for trying to do the same.

yearning to share

i like the food that i cook. and by all accounts most people i know like my food too and while sometimes i might find cooking tedious or time intensive i do take pride in doing it and doing it well. i treat it much like any other artform or craft i practisce, like a talent i cultivated through the years, with tricks and techniques ive incorporated and something that i can show to others so they can appreciate it and, thus, appreciate me.

now, generally one of the biggest perks of living by myself is that i can cook my favourite foods whenever i want, in the amounts that i want, so that i can eat as much as id like, just the way i like it.

but today i found myself setting the table and looking at the giant pot of spagetti that i had made and... feeling lonely. i felt an acute need to share that food with someone, to feed and take care and cheer people who might feel lonely and hungry with the warm zesty meal that i cooked. it was a feeling very similar to that of going to bed alone for the first time after breaking out with someone, of reaching out across the bed and finding the sheets empty.

so much food and noone to eat it with, noone but me to enjoy it, noone but myself to feed.

happy to be overwhelmed

i have a lot on my plate right now.

i’ve been getting calls from the company i was training at and in a couple of weeks i might start working there which means i will finally have a stable job but also that from that point forward my life is going to change drastically for a really long time. on top of that i’ve been taking care of my uncle’s house but his boyfriend is coming back from abroad in a few days to stay here which means im going back with my mom BUT my uncle is happy to let me live at another of his apartments and i only have to cover the taxes but this might signify the first step in me actually getting my own place and moving out of my mom’s house for good which is really scary (i know, what an amazing problem to have).

on top of that im being comissioned six drawings which will be taking quite a long time to make, time that im not 100% sure i have. ALSO i was hired to direct an animated short, which means im having meetings and coordinating with the producer, the assistant director and the animation team making sure that the boat sails smoothly

ALSO ALSO, im still working on my own personal project, jennyffer, episode 4 and five, for which i have to coordinate with multiple people because i want to have voice acting in these shorts and they are a bit more ambitious than the last ones i’ve been making.

in the past any single one of these things on their own would have been enough to keep me crawling up the walls, hyperventilating, shutting down and refusing to function, and yet today i am tackling all of this which penache, resolution, comfidence and aplomb. im energized, invigorated, motivated. i have direction

to the day it has been literally a year that i was trapped in my ex’s apartment, crawling on the floor, having literally daily panic attacks, convinced every hour that i was about to die and desperate to find a way out. i was a wreck in body, heart and mind

today i have purpose, im tackling problems one at the time and living the life that i always dreamed to have.

#fip living life #and what a good life it is right now #there will be bad days #there may even be bad years #but the good years will always come as well

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onyxoverride · 3 years

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Im still sitting here, thinking about Twitch Streamer! Zeke. He gets really, really hypercompetitive even if it’s one of those really complex first person shooter games or a challenge with a wholesome game. Its pretty self explanatory when it comes to ranked games but for wholesome games... maybe maximizing profits in a farming game like Stardew Valley or a speed run of who can make the most aesthetically pleasing island in Animal Crossing between him and his twitch friends in a set amount of time. They’d stream for a set amount of time so their audiences get to see their progress (twitch streamer!Pieck wins every time and he’s always salty about it. Swears that they should have blind judging. They do and Pieck still wins).

I can see him also doing a lot of strategy and skill games that require a lot of skill honing. He’s ridiculously good at shooting games from years of COD and the like. I can see him doing Pokemon nuzlockes and gets super attached to his team. He computes his chances and researches everything so they all survive, cocky and a bit too confident. He even shows off the spread sheets he’s made and he’s way too proud of them. He gets so mad when he gets KO’d by some attack that was less likely to happen. One time, he had to take a long break and end his stream early after his starter died. He’s known for his contained rage and rants about how things were supposed to go HIS way, not some numbers programmed into this machine box. (It goesnt help that he throws back his head and groans with that deep voice of his 😳)

But he’s chill too. He plays Animal Crossing noncompetitively and just chats with his, um, chat. He even tries out some games his chat tells him to. I don’t think he’ll play very story heavy games but his chat loves his blunt and dry comments about the plot and the in-game logic. His chat once convinced him to play Hatoful Boyfriend and you can see him visibly TORTURED by the plot and its nonsensicalness but his audience LOVES it (“how does a bird be a waiter? Hm? First of all, he had no hands to do labor such as handle and send out orders, second, isNT THAT A HEALTH VIOLATION?! Like it or not, birds can carry pathogens harmful to humans- I would never go to this cafe.”). But another bird related game he actually enjoyed was Untitled Goose Game. He loved the chaos he brought the townsfolk while his little goose had a little cute bow on. He never extends his stream but does it JUST for Untitled Goose game.

He does give in and goes for games like What Remains of Edith Finch and while his audience knows him to be this cynical, realistic, blunt man, he showed that he had a sensitive side to him as well. He’s not a dick when it comes to sensitive material and acts serious and does a little PSA of what he knows and encourages everyone to do more reseach on sensitive topcs. His audience can at least rest easy that he’s not one of those assholes.

He shows off this more soft, sensitive side when his s/o drops by. They know when he gets kind of worked up from a game while in stream so they just bring him coffee or a lil snack to brighten his spirits. Chat goes ‘huh’ when they see Zeke smile genuinely for once, saying “Thanks for the coffee, sweetheart. Just what I needed.” in a really sweet tone thats a far cry from his usual demeanor. He immediately recovers and does another round of whatever it was he was playing. He gets boastful when you bring him up a slice of his favorite cake, telling the chat “if you guys would hate on me, hate on me for scoring the jackpot in romance. I have the best damn s/o in exsistence, it should be illegal. Illegal.”

He gets carried away once, wanting a kiss after you’d bring him his coffee for the stream. For a split second, you show up in frame and the chat goes nuts, asking if they could finally meet you. Zeke has fun with this, teasing his chat with stuff like, “oh? Please, you wouldn’t be able to handle how gorgeous they are.” and “you’d all combust in front of your screens from how hot they are.”. It’s really more on if you’re comfortable showing your face to his stream and he respects your decision. He’ll happily tease his chat about it going, “wow, a lot of you are s*mps for my s/o and you’ve literally only seen their hands and maybe their hair- you guys got it bad.” But does address it seriously if it gets out of hand.

When you do agree and show yourself, Zeke has you sit on his lap, a hand on your thigh and another one on your waist. It was like he was boasting some sort of trophy while you wave shyly to chat and how enthusiastic they are to finally meet you. You appear in some other streams, playing with him in competitive games sitting next to each other. Chat expects him to snap at you or something but he takes any defeat with grace, a slight frown on his face but will smile widely as you taunt him jokingly. There’s this one playstation co-op game i cant remember the name of where you have to use the same controller to win. It’s just a light hearted stream of the two of you egging on the other for not reacting fast enough or complaining about how bad the other is. Chat gladly becomes third wheel as enjoy yourselves. Truly one of twitch’s solid couples.

Scrolling up and seeing the amout ive written is disgusting (bc i sent this in as an ask) feel free to delete im just here to share with with u 👉👈🥺

Pls never be disgusted with how much you send, I love getting asks like these because it's obvious you're enjoying yourself and I love that!!

I can imagine you bringing him coffee and he stands up to hide your face a bit and kiss you but he kisses you a bit to long and too heated so you say "Dont do that, you'll get me riled up" and he goes red because "babe that mic can still hear us..."

Even though it's a bit embarrassing you laugh, "Well now they know you're good at other things besides video games," you leave him with a kiss.

When he goes back to streaming he's red as hell and scratching his ear a bit, completely flustered as he tries to continue nonchalantly and ignore the chat for a second.

He does fawn over you on stream. Chat asks about you and he's immediately looking a little softer, more in love. Teases them, "I don't know, maybe i want to keep them for myself, my little secret."

If they ever get go meet you it's a whole event, Zeke teasingly hypes you up and the chat goes crazy because wow, you're beautiful. He's like "This is my beautiful wonderful secret now not-so-secret significant other!"

Then you start playing together or him coaching you through. Which gets frustrating because he tries to be in control and you just got to say "Zekey I know you love to be in control but if you try to backseat game me like that I will hurt you," and he backs off and says sorry.

Chat teases him for being called "Zekey" and even his Streamer friends tease him but he's like "only they can call me that."

If he ever meets pushy fangirls that are bound to go "Zekey!" Even though he's made it clear only you can call him that he immediately is eyebrow raised, "who are you talking to? And don't flirt with me." Very blunt about it.

#❖.zeke jaeger #◆.aot #⚫.drabbles #⚫.answered #zeke jaeger x reader #zeke yaeger x reader #zeke yeager x reader

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disaster-fruit · 3 years

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could you tell us more about the brarg family au with the 3 babies and trans luci?

I definitely can! This au has been living rent free in my head since i started that drawing and I was actually sketching more stuff for the AU right before I got this ask so- I definitely can ramble more about it

This was supposed to be just a collection of a few hcs and now it’s a multi-pages word document the size of a fanfic so – Im really sorry.

I didn’t think a lot about their backstories tbh, though I have it in my mind that Luciano transition in his late teens and that he and martin either met after that or knew each other before luciano came out, lost all contact, and then met again after (and you can blame oxiosas fic for that yeah im not even subtle)

But I imagine them having some sort of meet cute and kinda progressing really fast in their relationship without realizing – yk, its just a fling, no big deal, yeah ive met his parents, yes I basically spend every weekend in his apartment, yeah I have a spare key now, ops I guess we’re adopting dogs and plants together- oh I think we’re married. Yeah. We’re married.

Ok but for real Luci does the proper proposal-with-a-ring-and-knelt-down-on-a-special-day thing and Martin is just bright red saying yes over and over again

It is Afonso (port) the first to be all WHERE ARE MY GRANDCHILDREN like… the night of their wedding.

They live in a house in a not too big city with two dogs, one cat, one parrot and all the birds that Luciano feeds and names that aren’t actually theirs. Still, they choose the house with two spare rooms because they always talked about having two kids.

In this AU they can buy a nice house and don’t have to worry about money and can raise kids like the world isn’t ending.

I think right after they got married they got in line for adoption. However, everything indicated that it would take a long long time so they started talking about the possibility of trying to have a biological kid. I think luci was the one to suggest it when he noticed martin had been thinking about it but not saying anything for a while.

Lots of boring doctor visits and confused doctors looking at luciano and trying to process it like the dumb cishets they are. Boring exams and all that, but everything is on track eventually, luci pauses his hrt and keeps his jockstrap on the drawer and they’re googling the best positions for fertility on those weird cishet sites and doing it like bunnies etc etc

Getting pregnant the natural way after years of testosterone is not the easiest thing in the world, so it takes a while. But eventually it works.

Both of them are kinda freaking out with this whole first pregnancy thing. Martin is the ultimate protective husband, and spends way too much time on the internet finding out what luciano can and can’t eat, what exercises he should do, and going to every single doctor visit. He’s very committed to it.

Luciano has to drink non-alcoholic beer and hates life. There’s a single teardrop shed every time he buys it. And drinks a lot of lemonade like it’s the same as caipirinha. Poor guy. Martin doesn’t help on that, life isn’t fair, he buys his own beer.

But he also has to drive absurd lengths to find the weirdest fruit or make the most hideous, blasphemous pizza toppings because Luciano is constantly craving absurd shit. But poor baby actually really NEEDS that chicken M&M pizza at 8am.

They’re super proud daddies though, and both their instagrams at this point are just baby belly pictures. Luci had top surgery on this au on my hc so also. Lots of shirtless pics. He looks like an old uncle with a beer belly and he’s PROUD. Just. Baby bellies all over.

Martin picks the entire baby layette. Because of course he does.

Their baby shower is a huge deal though. Their dads are there, Antonio brings an entire trunk filled with diapers and tells everyone how many tincho used to need when he was a baby, Afonso is cooking for everyone and talking about how he’s gonna be a grandfather (!!!). Iracema (pindorama) is scolding Luci about his bad habits while also quietly being a super proud grandma. Zola (angola) bought toys because she knows that’s what kids actually like, Samero (Mozão) keeps asking if they installed all the necessary security stuff in their house – we will, chill, we still have some months to go – Vera (Tomé) is teasing Simão (Timor) about him no longer being the family baby, Fatima (g.bissau) is another one who bought a huge amount of diapers, Rosinha (cabo verde) is taking pictures of everyone and everything, Sebas and Dani are discussing if the kid should speak Portuguese or Spanish, Maria brought a huge pink plushy as a gift, it’s quite a party.

Once they’re late in the pregnancy, Luciano mostly spends his time on Martin’s oversized t-shirts asking for foot rubs and not getting much sleep because the baby keeps moving. Martin on the other hand is a little nervous about being a dad, but absolutely loves feeling the little kicks and talking to the baby all the time, except when its 3am and he wants to sleep but Luci cant because of it so he just does his best to keep him company. He mostly ends up falling asleep on his chest though and doesn’t help much

I wrote all of this but I still don’t have a name for the girl lol Anyway, she’s finally born, and if martin was overprotective when Luciano was pregnant, he’s ten times more with his baby girl. Tbh theyre both kinda going crazy with this whole parenting thing, both are overprotective, tired, and have no idea what theyre doing.

Zola and Sebastian are the girl’s godparents. Sebastian isn’t very good with kids so when he takes care of his niece he either puts on a tv show and lets her eat whatever crap she wants, or relies on Daniel to do the actual taking care, since he is good with kids.

Luciano and Martin are very much neurotic first-timers and have all this schedule of what their girl can eat and when and when she has to sleep etc etc.

When Zola takes care of her, she just ignores it and does it her way. She helped raised Luci since he was a baby anyway, he survived just fine and even married and reproduced, she knows what to do better than both the dumbasses, and they never even find out.

Afonso on the other had follows everything when he’s with his granddaughter, determined to be a better grandfather than he was a father, and the baby loves him so he’s doing a good job.

They’re a very cute family yes yes

She grows up well and happy, a bit shy maybe but very smart and sweet, loves the dogs and her aunts and uncles and granddads (afonso more than antonio though)

By the way, Iracema is soft like butter with her granddaughter.

When she’s about four or five years old they start talking about having a second one, considering the age difference and all. So back to doctors, Luci stops the hrt again and they go back to trying, but again it’s not the easiest thing in the world to do it naturally after years of hrt.

But god listens to the prayers of such good catholic family, and right after they start thinking about a second child, they receive the news they will finally get to adopt a baby.

Luciano is the one to receive the news, he’s working at home when the social worker comes to tell him they can finally adopt. He’s extremely happy, he hugs the poor lady and is barely able to concentrate as she explains the paperwork that is left and the details of it because he can’t stop smiling.

He immediately texts martin saying something like “CALL ME RIGHT NOW WE NEED TO TALK” and it’s in happy caps but martin understands it wrong and thinks someone is dying or dead but then his phone is what dies so he gets home as fast as he can thinking all the worst scenarios just to find luciano jumping on him with a smile for ear to ear. It’s such a shock he takes a while to react but when he does you have two idiots so happy they can’t function.

It’s another girl, she has big brown eyes like her sister and it’s a few months old.

They quickly reassemble the crib and paint the second room to get everything ready in time to take her home, and the next week or so it’s nothing but all the family visiting to meet their new baby.

Since they managed to adopt, they decided to stop trying to have another kid. Luciano goes back to the doctor do some routine exams so that he can go back to testosterone and the doctor just awkwardly explains that, well, that won’t be exactly possible. Not for the next eight months, at least.

He’s quite shocked at that, and takes him a while to tell martin. They just got a new baby and do they even have space to raise three kids? Eventually it just escapes from him and martin is shocked as well, but ultimately both of them are just worried about their place being too small, and once they relax about that they can’t shut up about having another baby on the way to anyone.

Still, it’s not easy to manage, martin is just as worried as he was with their eldest, except that this time he’s simultaneously worried about their new baby and about Luci’s pregnancy. Poor dude needs a break asap. So he’s trying to do most of the work of caring for a little baby to spare luciano from the stress, while also taking care of him as well as he did the other time.

Luci is more chill about being pregnant, he’s done this before, he’s fine. He’s even a little too chill about it, as shown in the art, he still wants to carry their kid on his shoulder and having a few sips of martin’s beer is no big deal and honestly he’s fine, he can help with the baby, and Tincho just needs to relax and it will all be fine.

Again, poor tincho needs a break.

Some things don’t change though. Them being super proud daddies who do nothing but take pictures of their kids and Luci’s belly every chance they get. And they’re really happy and excited to have their house full and this big family.

Just a good cute family AU where nothing bad ever happens thank you very much. Yet it took me almost 2k words to say it. I have no self control and I’m very sorry. However, if anyone has their own hcs to add about this whole au, I will be more than happy to hear and talk about this AU even more than I’ve already done.

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purge-that-urge-rhackathon · 3 years

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So my epilogue document for All Sales Final is lost and i’ve been trying to locate it in vain for well over a week. So far failing in that, I’ve been attempting to remember what was it in and rewrite it. It’s just like 1k words or so but adhd makes life hard sooo that’ll be up when i can xD i really dont like saying i’d do something by a certain time, and i massively dropped the ball on that so i wanted to be accountable hahahah but it’ll be up and then freakin DONE as soon as i can manage :D im gonna feel sooo much stress relief when that happens like trust me we’re all looking forward to it BAHAHHA XD

I’ve also been massively depressed (which took a hot minute to recognize cuz it is NOT the same kind of depression ive felt in the past), and also went through a crisis of not being able to get my increased-dose adhd meds anymore (they’re like $500 a month apparently, and i’m below poverty level for yearly income so the state of california usually takes care of it in total but they wouldn’t authorize my higher dosage, then the generic with a manufacturer’s coupon was still $103 a month, and i had a total meltdown cuz my meds help my brain a LOT and not being able to get it like im ready to die now lololol but THEN after not responding since the 20th of august, my psychiatrist got back to me and got mediCal to authorize my meds soooo im still reeling on that and a lot of other stuff). I’ve sold my plasma a little over a week ago and im waiting for my veins to fully heal before trying again (there were complications they deemed unsafe so they only got a quarter of a liter before they sent me home) and im really hoping there aren’t complications next time I go in, cuz THEN my name goes on a national registry of individuals who can’t donate plasma, and the money is GOOD even if it really hurt for days afterwards, soooo im also stressing about that. The silver lining though is that regardless of the amount they’re able to harvest, I’ll still get the $185, and that’s like half a paycheck for me so im really excited by that :D It’s gotten really busy lately at my job too so I’ve actually got normal part time hours this week, so i’ve been more tired and playing catch-up with everything and its affected my writing time D:<

im just exhausted with life; with the pandemic and the fucking morons prolonging it; with my worst nightmare come true in Roe v. Wade being destroyed; with living in a super toxic, invalidating environment I have to be at the mercy of; with my fuckhead father whose life i dont give a fucking shit about anymore like hooo don’t even get me started; and also recognizing the decades of childhood trauma/abuse i’ve lived with and thought was normal until very recently. I still haven’t made the phone call to find a therapist that specializes in childhood trauma and ptsd (and that also stresses me out like mad crazy cuz i have a LOT of healing that needs to be done but goddamn i dont enjoy finally comprehending the level of abuse and trauma and toxicity in my life like that shit breaks you guys) soooooo i’ve been goin through some stuff recently and still trying to have a good attitude about it xD i definitely cry on the way home from work every day cuz i dont want to have to come back home, but my cats are there and i look forward to petting them every day sooo we keep on with that HAHA

....on the plus, my younger sister and her husband are actively looking to buy their first home with land connected to it, and she said i can come live with them when that happens, sooooo something to maybe look forward to in the next year. We keep making jokes about a commune, but she wants to live totally off-grid, and i know how to grow weed and enough food to supplement a pantry so like... that would actually be so cool if it happened but for now its just another fun thing to dream about while living the nightmare LOL at least im saving money on fun things xD

#poisonjack jabbers #if youre at all feeling down then dont bother clicking the Read More xD it'll just depress you and i dont wana do that to anyone haha :D #im trying to light a fire under my butt to get this epilogue out because the dopamine im gonna get from it being DONE will be incomparable #also im doing more physical projects back here and might rebrand my shop but those things have to remain secret for now xD #anyways im surprisingly hanging on and i entirely credit my cats xD even a neighborhood cat came and visited me yesterday :D

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lordseochangbin · 4 years

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Crime n Mystery- Lee Felix

description: [3k words] felix FBI agent au w/ a possible plot

warnings: curses, slight masturbation (?) no idea what it is lmfaooo

a/n: ive always wanted to write a murder mystery so this is to get it started! if it does well ill think about continuing it because im not sure if anyone enjoys criminal mind things as much as i do

This guy was going on a date with no cologne on? Disgusting. You had a knack of judgment, already being able to predict the outcome of this guy’s dinner after driving so many lovebirds to their dates. A typical Saturday night called for taxi driver business and you loved the amount of money that came through but in the end, you couldn’t help but wonder when you would be driving yourself to a date.

You carried a decent amount of knowledge after three years, your best bet was when you told one of your customers she was about to be broken up with, only to see her back in your car asking for a ride a few minutes after arriving. You could tell where these people were going, what their plans were just from their location and attire. A decent amount of knowledge.

Sometimes there were “those” type of people. Failures of being a woman in the driver’s seat (which shouldn’t be a problem smh). “Those” people who ask to sit in the front seat to play the radio only to try to get their hands in your pants. “Those” people who try to sit right behind you and try to whisper things in your ear. “Those” people who- you get the idea. But with no excuse, you carried pepper spray around your neck all the time for when it was necessary.

The woman that had just stepped in your taxi, you couldn’t seem to get a grip on. She wore a poker face, hands crossed as she scrolled through what seemed to be “Tinder”. Maybe it was a Tinder date. After arriving at the restaurant you watched as she left your car, her ass sticking out in her bodycon dress along with the sound of her high heels clicking.

“Hey wait, aren’t you going to pay?” You groan before turning around to see the exact amount in cash on the seat. You peeked inside the restaurant to see a full crowd, someone in there is going to need a ride for sure, so you turn on your taxi light and wait for the next customer to arrive.

----

Rolling up the sleeves to his white button-up, Felix makes his way through the crowded restaurant. He was lucky enough to have found his first suspect on a tinder website and couldn’t believe how vulnerable she was for having accepted his request to meet. Little did she know his identity.

His co-worker Angel claimed it was the profile picture that must’ve swooned her, the forced smile and nose scrunch hiding his secret demeanor. Felix was handsome, his hair combed back and his cheeks covered with light brown freckles. It was easy for him to pass as a college student or gas station employee- a bit of makeup was all he needed. Thus holds today, meeting a suspect who expects a perfect tinder date, only to be disappointed.

Finding the small table in the corner, Felix casually grabs the seat, looking into the girl’s eyes before asking “Is this seat taken?”

A slight smirk meets her face before she replies, “If your name is Alex then yes”

“Alex?” Felix replies, sitting down across from her, “Lucky guy”

From the way she smiled at his response to her soft pink cheeks, Felix could already tell she was lured into the game. He was annoyed yet relieved, his good looks always gave him entry, along with his deep voice. He could practically read women like a book.

Her bright red hair seems fake, even in the pictures and the amount of makeup is quite visible, she’s trying hard to hide her identity as well.

“Hm, care for a drink Alex?”

Felix pouted his lips, free drinks from his number one suspect? A big win. But his boss checking his BAC? Not really.

Playing with the edge of the plastic menu in front of him Felix refuses, “No thanks. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to drive you home after this”

The woman’s lips gasp at his words, “You’re driving me home after this?”

A light chuckle leaves Felix’s lips as his hand meets her thigh, giving it a small squeeze before whispering in her ear, “I think you’ll want me to drive you home after this”

God, it always worked. Of course, she throws her head back at his touch. Felix feels like internally cringing. Her skins rough like scales and he wants to remove it so badly. Her hand goes to his wrist, moving his hand up her thigh as her eyes shut in bliss. Disgusting, disgusting, Felix can’t form words on how not turned on he is. Maybe he should just end this now.

“But unfortunately, I’ll have to drive you to the Los Angeles Police for continuous accounts of larceny and grand theft”

The woman gave Felix a blank stare, slowly closing her legs. The small action made Felix smirk as he pulled out his cuffs from under his suit, “Can’t get away now- Fuck!”

Jumping out of her seat, the woman dashed for the door through crowded people. Trying to make his way through, Felix thought about calling for backup.

Sure, he should’ve came with his partner Ashton but he just quit the job, leaving Felix alone on tracking cases like these until he finds a new partner. The sounds of laughter and the smell of alcohol filled his senses in the midst of his thoughts. He needed to catch this woman and finally put an end to the city’s robberies.

----

God, how long were you sleeping? You rubbed your eyes in an attempt of clearing your blurry sight at watch the front door of the restaurant in hopes of someone needing a ride when suddenly a woman runs out. Her hand is held onto her purse as she runs down the street, jumping into the car in front of you and driving away. “Woah, WOAH!” You exclaim as a guy jumps into your passenger’s seat.

“Follow that car!! Follow the car!!” Your eyes freeze on the man next to you as he quickly puts on his seatbelt. “Hello? Can you fucking drive??” He asks, waving his hand in front of your face before you could get a hold of the situation. Your eyes peek inside his suit, an FBI badge hidden behind the clothes before you could step on the pedal. “I have ALWAYS wanted to be in the middle of a pursuit, I’ll follow the car!” You squeal in excitement, speeding up before you could catch up with the Honda Civic.

The guy next to you pulls up his phone, muttering some words in the call before getting an address. “Y-yeah, uhhh I just got in some taxi and the driver is following our criminal.” Shit, so this is some police stuff?

You try to keep your cool as the Civic you’re chasing speeds through traffic, breezing through the cars and way over the speed limit.

“Look, I work for the FBI, I’m sorry if I scared you by getting in your car all of the sudden but I seriously need to catch this guy, o-or girl. If you could press on it a bit-”

“Are you fucking crazy?! I’m going at 75!!” You exclaim, your hands aching in pain from gripping on the wheel.

“The limit is 65, I’m a cop!! You won’t get a ticket!”

You turn to his side and smirk, “I won’t get a ticket?”

The guy rolls his eyes before sighing in relief, “You won’t get a ticket”

“If you say so” You tsk as you press on the pedal again, “Hold on tight~”

Felix’s eyes glow as the car’s engine below you burns, the sudden speed pulls the both of you back but your reactions are quite different. The man next to you is holding onto his seat for his life while you’re living the time of your life.

“Can you be a little more responsible?? I’m trying to catch a criminal here”

“A bit responsible? You literally just got into a stranger’s car and asked them to drive”

“You’re a taxi driver, you should at least have some experience in traffic”

“Only when I’m following the ro-WATCH!” You swerve past a car in front of you that slowed down, your hand on Felix’s chest as you hold him back to make sure he’s safe. Your act took Felix by surprise, his focus completely thrown off before you could place your hand on the wheel.

“Okay, okay sorry. I-I’ll try my best, I can see the car ahead of us” You sputter our nervously.

Felix clears his throat and fixes his suit before eyeing the car again. “It looks like it’s taking a turn on Union, maybe going to one of the backstreets”

“Should I keep my distance?”

“Hmm, depends. Is this car bulletproof?” He asks, arching an eyebrow as you pout your lips.

“Fuck off” You roll your eyes before cautiously driving into one of the more hidden streets of the city.

Suddenly the Civic stopped, causing Felix to jump up in his seat as he watches. The woman gets out of her car, her figure suddenly disappearing.

“Park right here,” Felix asked, “If you don’t see me in ten, try calling the police, but I doubt you’ll have to do that” He winks before closing the door.

You take a gasp in relief, looking around the dark neighborhood and locking the doors to your car. What are you going to do now? A random FBI agent got into your car and now you’re stuck here for ten minutes… waiting. Anything could be going on inside there. Shit, what if he gets shot? Or kidnapped?? You covered your mouth at the thought, no that can’t happen. He seemed too cocky to be easily fought against.

Left with your thoughts, you couldn’t keep the idea of the FBI agent’s figure off your mind. I mean, you’re not saying he’s hot or anything but… well. Can you blame yourself? What else should you be thinking about when you just gave a ride to some guy and possibly put him in danger. You would never be able to forgive yourself if something happened to him, even if he asked you to.

“Maybe I should go,” You tell yourself before shaking your head. “No.. no he told me to wait here, just 8 more minutes.” You stared at the clock inside your car and anxiously stuff your phone inside your coat pocket. “Screw this” You mutter before getting out.

----

You take a risky corner, entering the blindspot which the woman had disappeared into when you were in the car. A gust of wind blew your way, the chills growing goosebumps on your skin as the anticipation waited. God bless all the seasons of Criminal Minds you had watched, you felt like you were prepared for anything. In fact, the building you stepped into was completely empty. Tip-toeing into the place, you hid yourself between two storage containers before you could feel it shift a bit.

A few groans and sounds of stress were heard from inside. Was there more than one person here? You feel your heartbeat out of your chest, back pressed against the metal container as you slid closer to its entrance.

It was when the container moved that you couldn’t hide any longer, an uncalled gasp pasted your lips and blew your cover.

“Is someone else here?” You heard a woman’s voice ask, your fingers growing numb as you felt yourself exposed.

When you found yourself in broad attention, you saw the person Felix was looking for heading towards you, gun in her hand, and a fierce look in her eyes. “Who’s this?”

Over the person’s shoulder, you could see Felix bunched up in the corner of the container, hands over his stomach as a patch of blood started to build upon his side. His eyes showed fear as he gestured his head to run, but you knew you couldn’t leave him like this.

“I asked, who are you, sweetie?” The woman asked again before finally stepping in front of you.

Peeked over to see Felix again, you scrunch your fingers up in a fist trying to blow off some heat.

“I… I’m-” Grabbing your pepper spray bottle around your neck, you sprayed the woman’s eyes causing her to fall on the floor. Once she fell you quickly kicked the gun out of her hands, grabbing the weapon and running towards Felix. You could hear the woman groan in pain but you could care less.

“Are you okay?” You asked, grabbing his arm and throwing it over your shoulder.

“Yeah I’m fine” Felix panted out, his eyes wincing in pain. “Just be careful, there’s guards on the other doors so use that entrance, it’s closer to your car”

You made your best attempt to leave the room as soon as possible, the exit was just a few steps closer but the woman who was once blinded with pepper spray was now up on her feet.

“OI, DID YOU NOT HEAR ME SCREAMING?” She exclaimed, calling at the guards from each exit. You quickly slid in between two containers, pulling Felix in front of you.

Felix looked to the side, the awkward positioning giving you two no space. You could only look at him in the midst of events. His face filled with freckles, brown eyes, lightly shaded features and blonde hair. You clenched your jaw, trying to keep yourself together as a guard passed by you two.

You felt a wet patch growing on your chest, causing you to look down at Felix’s wound. The chest to chest contact had not only gotten your cheeks pink but also your coat, fancy. As soon as the guards followed the girl, Felix tapped your shoulder and pointed at the exit as you assisted him out.

“We have to be quick, the guards are probably looking for us” He panted as he let go of you, opening the door as you ran to your driver’s seat.

“Is that a bullet wound?? You’re bleeding so much, do I call 911?” You exclaimed, looking at him for a response.

“Just drive!” Felix exclaimed, watching as the guards started the move out of the building.

“Fuck, fuck!!” You screamed, pressing on the accelerator as the car backed up. You shook in fear when you felt your car being shot. “Felix, I already told you this shit isn’t bulletproof!! It’s just a freaking Toyota!!” You cried out, watching as the bodyguards chased towards you.

Felix pulled out a gun from under his jeans before opening the window and shooting at the guards. “Keep going, it’s fine” He puffed out before you could finally meet the road. You quickly changed gears to drive and found yourself on a crowded street.

“Felix! Felix?” You asked, looking to your right to find him clenching onto his shirt. “Shit, you’re bleeding even more, should I drive to the hospital?”

“No, no just pull over” He whispered back, “Check if we lost them and pull over, if not go to a hotel nearby”

Thanks to your years of being a taxi driver, you knew the streets like the back of your hand. Making a few turns you found yourself at a motel that your friend owned. You pulled up at the drive-thru, soon realizing that Felix was next to you.

Trying your best to cover him with your figure, you thanked your friend and grabbed a key to an empty room.

----

“Oh my god, that’s so- eek!” You screeched as Felix removed the bullet from his waist.

Turning around, you felt a similar pain growing on your side just from the sight of Felix’s injury.

“It’s over, you can look now” Felix rolled his eyes, laying back on the bed carefully so he wouldn’t stain the sheets.

You turned around, slowly opening your eyes to find him resting against the bedrest. “Umm, I can go chill with my friend downstairs if you want to relax that… seems pretty serious”

“No it’s fine, you can stay in bed with me if you’d like”

“I mean, wait what?!”

Felix smirked at your response, chuckling in pain as his laughs caused pained to his stomach. “Oh come on, I saw the way you were checking me out earlier”

You gasped at his words, “What a cocky bitch. This is coming from the same guy who said ‘If you don’t see me in ten, try calling the police, but I doubt you’ll have to do that’” You mocked in his deep voice.

“Hey- it was your problem for not waiting ten minutes. If you had waited I’m sure I would’ve found a way out of there”

“Excuse me?” You asked sarcastically, walking towards him. “Oh were you not going to thank me for saving your life right now?”

Felix sat up on the bed, his lips inches away from yours before whispering “Would you like me to?”

You pushed him back in his place before crossing your arms. Felix did the same, crossing his arms and closing his eyes as he grabbed onto the sheet. “ I think the injury is getting worse even after I took out the bullet”

“It seriously doesn’t hurt?” You asked, eyeing the cut and clothes torn with blood, the white material of his suit slowly dissipating. “Maybe we should clean it up” You run to the bathroom to grab some towels, filling a bath bowl with water and returning.

“Here,” You said, handing him the things before he could close his eyes.

“I don’t think I can do it myself, can you?”

You look back down at the clothed wound, dipping the cloth in water and dabbing it.

“I swear to god, take off the shirt please” He groans, arching his back at the contact of cold water.

You feel a gulp down your throat as you slowly unbutton his white shirt, his broad sweaty chest being exposed before revealing the wound for itself.

Watching his facial expressions, you slowly clean up the bullet wound and remove his shirt so you could cool him down with the hot water.

“Thank you” He mutters out, “Thank you for not freaking out on me, it’s honestly surprising that you didn’t ask me when I’m calling for backup… or how you even trusted me in the first place”

“It’s fine, today would’ve been another Saturday I supposed if I wasn’t saving some FBI agent’s life”

Felix chuckled at your response, “Taxi driver huh? You don’t seem fit for the job”

“Oh really? It’s been three years and I’m doing just fine. What do you see me as?”

Felix’s eyebrows wrinkled in thought before he could answer, “Maybe an FBI agent… in fact, would you like to be my partner?”

#so... what do you guys think of this BAHHA #felix au #lee felix au #lee felix fics #felix fics #lee felix imagines #felix imagines #skz au #stray kids au #stray kids fics #skz fics #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #skz drabbles #stray kids drabbles #felix drabbles #lee felix drabbles

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rolaana2 · 3 years

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Huge fucking vent (literally just talking to myself lol I don’t wanna cry anymore so I’ll write instead)

So it’s always been my dream to go to uni in the UK (preferably london). Mostly because I wanna be completely away from my family. I wanna do shit that would disappoint them. They’re religious asf and I wanna drink and smoke weed and do drugs and date around and hook up with people and live alone and barely eat and be bisexual without fear of persecution. But of course I tell my mom it’s bc of the quality of education and job opportunities and all of that (which is also true). But I’ve always wanted to study abroad. That’s been my dream ever since i started middle school.

My dads been against it from the beginning but he doesn’t even live in the same country so Idc what he says. My mom’s been supportive, until now. Now she’s forcing me to go back to my third world country and study there and stay with family and I finally gave in. I’m so sad I haven’t stopped crying. I can’t run away because I don’t have any money and the country I’m in rn doesn’t allow minors to work. Plus, I pay for a lot of my own shit already with a very limited allowance.

I’ve been telling everyone I’m studying abroad, and I’m running away if my parents say no, and everyone’s been like “woah that’s crazy but you can totally do it” and now I don’t think I can.

I mean, with the little amount I have saved, I can only afford a flight ticket. I can’t afford a visa, and even if I did get a visa, it would probably be a tourist/visit visa, not a student/resident. I won’t be able to afford uni, let alone a place to stay. It’s not realistic for me to run away.

When I say third world country, I might be exaggerating. I mean, it’s just an overpopulated, slightly below average country (economy wise) and education there is great and all, but idk.

I negotiated with my mom, I’d only be okay with living there if I get to stay in a dorm and I get a car, and she agreed. I’ll also get a job. She says I can travel when I finish undergrad.

Plus, the money I have saved rn is worth way more in my home country than in the UK. It’s about £4500 in my country, but £200GBP in the UK. Obviously I’d be more comfortable in my home country.

And even though I’m very distant from my family, they’re still super well off and with their support I could ACTUALLY afford to study AND have fun. The uni I’m planning on going to has study abroad programs too.

The people in the country are super fun and chill and friendly, there’s parties and weed and alcohol and everything. Being bisexual might be illegal and I’m not entirely sure how the people there might react to me being bi, or if there would be any bi women there in the first place, but I guess we’ll see. There’s international students there too.

Also, one concern I have is that the country’s food is literally ALL carbs and fats. Almond milk is £50 and I love almond milk. Healthy food & low cal food is super expensive, and isn’t available either. There’s no Walden farms, halo top, alpro, etc. But I know loads of uni students there are BIG on fitness and all have gym memberships and stuff.

I’m trying to make it seem cool and fun but I feel like a failure. Ive given up on my dreams and I’m just accepting it. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s definitely not ideal. I spent so long planning everything, I literally memorized the London map. I was counting on going to the UK, I couldn’t be around my family. The only thing that kept me going was the fact that one day I was leaving and wouldn’t have to talk to them as much, but now I’m not. Now they’re always gonna be around. Even my extended family, I’ve never felt like I was part of them. My cousins were so close and I was always an outsider. They all have married conservative parents and live in big fancy houses and went to fancy schools and I live w my single mom in an average apartment and go to a shitty school. Plus my mom’s the only one in the family that dresses the way she wants, got divorced, etc so they’ve formed their opinions. My dad was barely around. I only saw him in the summers, and mostly on weekends. My mom is a whole other story that I don’t like getting into and I’m completely traumatized and will probably have serious issues forever. I can’t even connect with the country itself. The culture, language, traditions, entertainment, all of it. They’d probably call me white washed and I don’t even live in a “white” country.

Im trying to be happy about it. I’m trying to be excited about it. But giving up like that feels so awful, and giving my parents the satisfaction of winning? I hate it. I mean, after everything they’ve done. After all the fights and arguments and days I’ve spent crying screaming and wishing I didn’t live there or wishing I had different parents. This was my only goal. My only goal was to study abroad, and now I don’t have that and I feel like such a huge fucking failure. My mom is ecstatic and she thinks I’m excited because I’m talking about it a lot and planning everything out, but I’m not.

Idk if I should be feeling defeated, or be realistic, get all the financial support I can from my parents, negotiate my independence, make the best of the situation, get a job and save up till I can travel and live alone after undergrad. I know it’s not the end of the world, and it’s just 4 years, but Idk anymore.

#ana #anarecix #anor3xia #ana advice #ed #anaaamiaaa #not pro ana just using the tag #anam*a

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madeintimeland · 3 years

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im oversharing this got long sorry. just reminscing on shit ive thought about a million times over again

theres so much art i want to create and so little motivation. i should start smoking weed again bc every time im high i get my best ideas or at least like, it takes away the layer of film over my brain that stops me from being able to come up with creative ideas, but also im scared its going to send me into mental hell again. like i need to be in a perfect state for it lest i fear im going to invoke my months long existential crisis again and i Cannot be doing that shit rn. but also i wonder if its going to be worth it anyways if i can create something to leave on this earth again. like ive been so bad at creativity lately like i want to draw and produce things and im bubbling over with energy and i feel the ideas fermenting in the deep recesses of my brain like theyre nestled into the grooves and folds but i cant access them yet. and i know i can if im stoned. i might turn into a hermit hunched over my tablet all hours of the day just making shit tbh. i absorb so much of the things around me and i know if i try to make something now its going to basically be direct copies of the things i saw but if im high im sure i can actually create something new and beautiful. im scared of being intoxicated again but i was scared to drink again too and i got drunk and proceeded to love it and want to drink every single day because surprise surprise i have alcoholism coded into my dna and consequentially have an addictive personality in general. which is why i felt like my life was useless without weed. all up until i was finally able to get my hands on a stash that would let me smoke whenever i want versus when i would get a small amount every couple of months and completely and utterly fail at ratioing it out and binge it all and then have ridiculously introspective trips where id start to go a little crazy at the end (i have a distinct memory of looking at a meme that had a woman on it and thinking ‘jesus christ... what the fuck is that’ and then spiraled into thinking about how life is pointless but i didnt have enough weed to continue with that train of thought and if i did i may have had my crisis a lot earlier, it was just inevitable) i just felt like being high was the only time i could actually get in touch with my inner self again. like i used to before the thick clouds of depression and psychosis settled in. but then i finally was able to get high for longer than short bursts of time and it all came to a head where my brain broke and i have existential terror now that i feel im going to not be able to deal with confronting again. but every time i say that it never ends up staying permanently, it comes in waves, it all comes in waves. back and forth. i feel beauty in life and then i feel fear. i feel like its all worth it and then i cant stop thinking about the inevitable heat death of the universe and the pointlessness of it all. and then i get a hug or listen to a really good song and i feel like its worth it again. i wonder if this is just a period in my life im not a total stoner or if its actually permanent. anyways point is i want to make so much stuff that my hands ache and my brain rots when i think about how many things inspire me. thats why my aesthetic tag is #inspiration, its been like that for many years now, its stuff that inspires me. but at what point am i going to turn that inspiration into reality? im bad at initiative. my initiative is going to be when i pick up the pot again because im too lethargic and procrastinatey to create the things i want any other time. but when will that be? i cant see a therapist or anything rn and working it out on my own has been mildly successful, not bad, im not spending every single day in terror like i was at this point last year. it started all going away around august after starting in march. march 30th in fact. from then on its been a constant battle with dissociation. funny because just earlier in march was some of the best experiences of my life. i think if lockdown never happened this never would have happened either but at the same time im left wondering how anybody can go through their life without wondering about the meaning of it all and coming out the other side with purpose and resolve. mine was to enjoy myself and find as much beauty and love in life as i can before i die and enhance the lives of the people around me while i can because i feel too small to do anything on a grander scale. and im fine with that, for the most part, but i still get attacked by these waves of thought where i wonder what the purpose of reality is . i always have to smack myself and remind myself no dumbass you already went over this a million times, just enjoy yousrelf while youre here. but when im high its a million times worse cuz the only time i can get my mind off it is when im replacing it with horny thoughts and thats not the only thing i wanna do when im high ofc i want to experience and create and listen to music. but i mean i havent smoked since june. i think the 15th ? i could go back and read my journals to tell exactly when it was but yeah its been almost a year now and i feel like i might have it in me again. i used to love getting high and working on shit so much. some of my best works and most creative projects and honestly just most enjoyable periods of my life were when i was high. going back to what i was saying about early march 2020 being the best time of my life, idk what it was about me but i was just having a grand old time experiencing absolute beauty playing ark with my friends, feeling so creative and developing new ideas and experiences, and using the freedom and motivation i felt ingame to also want to explore the world irl. i seriously was close to actually finally reading my survival manual and start camping and shit and i wanted to visit my relatives in their hella secluded farmhouse in the middle of fuck nowhere kansas, cuz i did visit there during that time period and i loved it to death, i felt so free. two different relatives actually and they both had that same aesthetic about them. of course they were horribly racist but i mean, thats rural kansas for you. i just wanted to camp in their woods. its funny because that month was simultaneously the best and worst of my life. all because of weed! if i never started smoking or rather never found a reliable source at that point in my life i wonder how i wouldve turned out? id like to chalk this up to fate that im like this, maybe its for the best, maybe smoking again wont help me but maybe it will. i have a way to ease myself back into it i just need that leap of faith and bravery like i felt when i was drinking again. its funny because i used to be such a fucking druggie and i wanted to get high all the time and then after my existential crisis that all just. stopped. i feell ike everyone i know is sick of me talking about it but it really fundamentally changed me on the inside even if it doesnt seem like it much on the outside so i feel its right of me to talk about it sometimes. it makes me feel better at least. like this is jsut a thing t hat happened, not a fated break from the universe i cant come back from yknow? i dunno. ive rambled on way too fucking long and idk if anyones gonna read this. tldr i want to draw and create so many things and i have too many ideas to deal with but i only feel ill be able to unlock my creativity and motivation if im high but due to bad past experiences im terrified to get high again. i mean ive done and made some pretty cool stuff since then but the motivation and ideas are much fewer and far between compared to the absolute deluge i get when im stoned , whether any of my ideas are actually any good or if they were just high ramblings is up to debate but i think it gave me a really good way of looking at things and i made some pretty cool stuff and i miss it a lot but i dont know if going back to it is going to be a mistake or not and im not brave enough to find out if itll hurt me again or if im ready. yyyyaaaayyyyy hahahaha ✌

#this is literally just all about drugs and dissociation

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katedoesntexist · 3 years

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Stay-at-home journal 2/6/21

Yesterday:

Work, super demoralizing, everything bad

Put together bookshelf

Made omurice bc we're running low on food

Put books away and drank cherry ginger beer

Finished another fic chapter

Played a little guitar

Today:

Clean up kitchen

Kind of just want to chill during the day

Maybe play some zootr

Prob should do some work at night

Start fic epilogue

Free space:

The bookshelf is disappointingly kind of low quality. I knew it would be bc it came from one of the chinese companies that steals photos of the original item and sells you a knock off. But i chanced it bc i guess shelves are just crazy expensive (this "cheap" one was $80), and at least i can return it to the store. The part im most worried about is that the piece of the shelf taking the weight of all the books is only attached by glue and small nails. It could easily just fall apart w enough weight. But i put my books on it anyway and hopefully itll be alright. I like the shape and depth of the shelf bc it fits my small reading room (closet) and also holds a good amount of stuff. I guess if it comes apart we can mod it to fix it. I just ugh didnt want to spend over $100 on this. Maybe i wouldve been better making it myself from scratch.

Speaking of, I've been toying w the idea of buying a jigsaw. Of course the blades would have to be project specific, but might be fun.

Writing is going surprisingly well. Im having fun. Its not a slog. I mean, it is an energy and time drain, but i feel good abt it. The direction these chapters went rly veered away from the outline, but i like that it falls into place better. It makes me feel like theres an alternate reality out there where the outline events did take place. Anyway, i actually cant wait to post and see ppls reactions. I haven't felt this hopeful abt sharing a fan work in like half a yr.

So we finally broke down and looked up one thing in the spoiler log, and it unblocked the game in a way that i could just skip two major dungeons and go to the boss right now. Its kind of idk disappointing? Like, the item weve been trying to get this whole time to unlock a bunch more content is finally in our hands, but we realized we didn't actually need all that other content. Not sure if we should play it just for 100% completion, but big sigh. We're at the end. And i have a rly hard time ending things. Ive spoken abt this before, but its like if i dont finish it will guarantee the characters and events are in a stasis. And they will always be there right where i left them. Forever gearing up to fight the boss, optimism and courage in their heart. I get this way with games and books. I dont want the adventure to end, and its more comforting to me to think that everyone is still out there doing their thing. Stories ending are like death. Not in a bad way bc death is natural and normal. But its still comes w loss.

Had some weird dreams. One was a row of bamboo lockers and some teachers had gone in them unbeknownst to each other, but the one on the end trapped you if you went in bc idk it was supposed to catch a criminal. Another part i was camping and saw a chimpanzee in the trees. I walked out to a railing (i was on some kind of decking) and watched him. He pointed and told me there were wolves in the area, and i was like oh shit thanks. I got in the cab of the truck and closed both doors just in time to avoid the wolves. I rolled down the window and a large bird outside told me there were dead animals on the roof of the truck that attracted the wolves, and I wouldn't be able to leave. There werent keys. I had to warn my dad who had gone out hunting for the day, but he hadnt brought his cell phone bc there wouldn't be reception in the woods.

#katedoesntstayathome #katedoesntdream

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buzzybeesinlove · 4 years

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was just listening to indomitable, and i honestly just started crying man.

so just so everyone is aware, i actually stopped watching rwby halfway through volume 6 which was such a dumbass thing because literally the latter half of that volume is when everything goes crazy and intense lmao but it just became a thing of like “i hate having to wait a whole extra week to see a new episode” because i wasn’t and am still not a first member and all that. so anyways, my point is that i only JUST finished volume 6 about a week or two ago, which is why when i finally got back into tumblr my first posts about bumbleby were about stuff from volume 6, which i know finished like a while ago now.

since i only just finished that volume (im now all caught up, don’t tell crwby ive watched newer episodes on dailymotion since im not a first member shhh), i didn’t listen to most of the soundtrack until recently. so i had no idea about indomitable and ive only just listened to it not that long ago, and this time the feels and emotions just hit me so hard man. monty was such a genuine, amazing person and i miss him. he started rwby as just a fucking random idea, something he and the crew never thought would amount to really anything. it was just a cool idea he had, but he didn’t give up on it and he never thought of leaving it in the dust. everyone else was sceptical, literally kara has stated before that when he came to her with the idea she was like “okay monty...”. and looking back on where rwby started, and how many years have passed, it really just hits me that rwby has become something so much bigger than the crew ever thought was possible. Monty had a dream, and he pursued it, and even though it saddens me all the time thinking of monty, I also just get really proud and happy because im just thinking that rwby has become something so special for everyone. it’s something special for me, these characters are special to me, the things they go through are important to me. there’s a part of everyone in this show, there’s something everyone can relate to and bond over, and that’s just a beautiful thing to me.

listen dude, don’t think about characters you don’t like, or ships that people are fighting over, or story lines that some people might not like, none of that shit. just think of how far rwby has really come, and how much hard work monty put into this project. He may not be here anymore physically, but his spirit is indomitable - yes it lives on through other series that roosterteeth have done, but especially RWBY, because monty really believed in this show and the characters and he believed it would be something that people would love, even if others weren’t sure about it. Monty was a beautiful person, and im so proud with how much care and love has been poured into this series by CRWBY and i know, no matter what any antis say, monty would be proud too.

hope yall aren’t crying like i am lmao thanks for listening

#im just. CRYING #i love this show and i love monty #rwby #monty oum #bumbleby #ruby rose #weiss schnee #yang xiao long #blake belladonna #text post #whiterose #rwby6 #rwby7

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datleggy · 4 years

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I’m autistic and one of the things I have trouble with is change. I’ve watched 911 since the third episode and now they have a second one? Idk. I’ve been seeing a lot of good things about it but I’m not sure if I want to watch it. Basically what I want to know is if it’s worth watching. Is it good? Are there any parallels between the new one and the Buck one? Who are the characters and what are they like? Will you start writing for this series instead of the other one? %

so, this got WAY longer than i thought it would, sorry!!! TL;DR is at the very very end!

tbh i didn’t wanna really give 911 lonestar a chance originally, i was lowkey annoyed bc it felt like they were like “oh u guys want buck and eddie, who are CLEARLY meant to be and have all this canon chemistry and relationship development to eventually get together??? lol NOPE but here’s a spinoff where u get ur white/latino gay ship :D”

which i do genuinely hope to god isn’t the case, like, i really need OG 911 to be like PSYCH here u go, some DIAZ-BUCKLEY fam. as a treat.

i did end up watching it bc curiosity and too many awesome gifsets finally got to me lol

and im only a couple of episodes in (haven’t had a chance to watch the 3rd ep bc of work and other things D: ) and so far i gotta say, i like the OG 911 calls that they get sent to more than 911 lonestars calls but again, im only 2 ep in, maybe they get more “woah thats crazy/hilarious/hearbreaking!” as the show goes on.

i honestly don’t see too many parallels between Buck and TK—the only thing i noticed where they’re pretty similar is how much they both enjoy easy physical contact. buck is very touchy feely and comfortable about showing affection/feelings and i feel like TK is the same regarding physical contact (with his dad at least)? but that’s about it.

for what it’s worth i do think the show is pretty entertaining and worth a watch!

my main reason for watching past the first episode is my enjoyment of the characters. i just think they’re all neat.

this is from a post i made when i first watched the show lol:

captain strand: good dad to all of his children

tk: hot gay messy boi

grace ryder: a fave, no nonsense beauty, judds better half

judd ryder: tragic big boi

captain blake: chaotic good w baby voice

marjan: wild feral messy gurl

mateo: if anybody’s mean to my SON im throwin hands bih

paul: again, if anybody’s mean to my SON im THROWIN hands

officer reyes: ready to dick tk down

here’s a more descriptive/longer summary of the characters if u wanna know more, if not skip down to the bolded sentence below lol:

owen strand is the captain (played by rob lowe) and to me he gives off chris traeger vibes (from parks and rec if u watched?) but with more depth. i like his character a lot, he’s a caring dad, seems like he knows what he’s doing, and like, c’mon, it’s rob lowe (i fell in love with him a million years ago when he played soda pop in the outsiders nipr;guebwuogrnofw)

tk is his son and a hot gay mess w some substance abuse issues (tho a lot has happened to him in only 2 ep i really don’t know how to feel about him entirely, bc besides stuff happening TO him, i don’t feel like he’s reacted in a way that shows much of his character?) idk maybe it’s just me. but he is a certified cutie so. lol

grace ryder, she’s smart (one of the only characters with more than ONE brain cell lmao) and gorgeous and an emergency 911 operator. she’s very supportive of her husband and what he’s going thru (which is A LOT), she herself has been thru a lot bc of the big incident at the beginning of the series and is still somehow held strong in spite of it all, she’s a personal fave of mine.

judd ryder is kind of a dick at first but i think its very understandable given the hell he’s been thru, im actually surprised at the amount that i like him. he’s very raw and vulnerable but has this “don’t worry im fine, back up” attitude that i loooove.

captain blake is the captain for EMTs, she’s got this soft teeny baby voice that contradicts so hard with her give no fucks ima do what i need to to find my missing sister actions irwughqwgoriegjf i like. she’s caring and does goes out of her way for the little guy.

marjan has ZERO chill but in a good way, i can already absolutely see her getting into trouble by doing some crazy impulsive thing on a call in order to rescue someone—-TBH she actually reminds me a lot of Buck from OG 911 in that way. like yea she’s reckless and impulsive but u can tell its bc she CARES and this firefighting thing is what she’s meant to do. i really like her.

mateo—-OH MAN. he’s 10000000% my favorite. it hurts me everytime he’s on screen, bc he’s such a sweet and HARD WORKING man and he deserves to be a firefighter and do what he wants/has been waiting for for so long, im so HAPPY captain strand gives him a chance. i think he might have some learning disability or maybe he grew up in a household where maybe his family was too busy or didn’t care to check up on how he was doing in school and they neglected to see how much he was struggling—this is all just pure speculation from the fact that on the show he tells captain strand during the interview that he’s always passed the physical exam to be a firefighter but keeps failing the written part :( i love my son.

paul is a trans firefighter who’s mainly known for his crazy good observational skills in the field—there’s an ep—ep 2?—that shows off his talent but like, i found it unintentional funny bc the way they did it was in a scene that honestly truly felt to me like a scene I MYSELF would write in a fanfiction if i wanted to show off a cool skill the character has but was also too lazy to make it look good???? lmaoooo im not trying to be mean but like, if u do watch it, its the 2nd ep i believe, the “office meeting” scene. other than that tho there’s only been a few scenes with paul in it (my personal fave being the skin care routine scene lol) but i look forward to more scenes of my son being a lil sherlock holmes :)

officer reyes is tk’s potential new mans. he seems like a good cop from what little ive seen of him doing police work. so, i saw a post someone made basically saying how ugly are the men in texas that officer reyes is out here thirsting over tk so HARD—and not to be rude, but he really is!!!! reyes is a goodlookin guy, so idk what’s up with that, maybe he likes messy bois? bc same.

p.s. im not sure how to feel about reyes and tk together yet bc it doesn’t really seem as if they have too much chemistry. hopefully that changes? i do kinda like that they haven’t started off their potential relationship on the best of foots, bc i love drama, an indisputable fact.

ONTO THE FINAL QUESTION!

OG 911 will always be my first love and i just don’t see this changing anytime soon. buddie will always be the #1 ship in my heart! and i have about a gazillion awesome prompts i need to work on so me switching over to 911 lonestar isn’t gonna happen. i love OG 911 way too much iuqhur4ogfoie3jwnwjinioj

tho i may occasionally—per the request of prompts i’ve gotten in the last week or so–take a couple of the characters from 911 lonestar and put them in a 911 fic as a crossover? we’ll see.

this ended up soooo long oruhibgruoeqwp i hope some of it helped tho?

tl;dt: 911 lonestar seems fun and the characters are interesting enough to keep me entertained so i say give it a chance :)

#long post is long #ask #anon #also i got ur other ask #NP! never a bother :)#911 lonestar #911 fox #tldr at the end #read more

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kpop-pick-me-up · 5 years

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So, can I say something real quick about Kpop idols?

This has been a thought on my mind basically since I joined the Kpop community, and I know some people might react weird or not understand what I'm trying to say but that doesn't matter to me. Putting this out there does.

*ahem* NO KPOP IDOL IVE SEEN PEOPLE CALL CHUBBY IS ACTUALLY CHUBBY.*ahem*

Like for real. I see posts talking about how Suga's cheeks get chubbier on break, and how Haechan's cheeks have gotten chubbier, or "before" and "after" pictures of idols who have gone on a diet and people saying "I miss when they were chubby" like.... They never were and they aren't. This is just what they'd actually look like if they got a normal amount of sleep, ate like a normal human, and didn't dance for 4-12 hours a day. That's not chubby, that's how they'd naturally look.

Chubby, to me means that a person is slightly overweight, or that they're a healthy weight but naturally softer and can look more fuller. Which is all beautiful. And I'm aware this can be a culture difference because of how idols are expected to be thin and perfect but sometimes when I look at them I just think about how unhealthy some (not all) of them must be physically.

Because on a mini tangent: when someone eats so little amount of food for so long and is they are always in a caloric deficit (so let's say youre recommended amount to maintain your weight is 2000, but you constantly eat 1500, or 1200-1400 calories a day) their metabolism adapts so that it's natural state of burning to maintain IS 1500 or 1200-1400. So they'd HAVE to eat less to lose weight, or fix their metabolism by slowly increasing their food intake so their metabolism can adjust to a normal amount of food again. But to do that their weight would plateau or they'd even gain a little bit. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with an idol gaining weight or doing any of this, except for the fact that they'd be called "fat" by the media. Nobody actually seems to care about an idol's health. And imagine what calling them "chubby" does to them when it's just them eating normally. Why do you THINK idols always go on strict diets before a comeback? Because they know that if they eat normally people would know and call them chubby. And I'm not saying this offends them, but I know that I would feel so pressured and judged subconsciously to eat less and lose the "chubbiness" because the media must see it too if fans do.

And I know some idols don't care or even just say they don't care (but trust me, they probably do), and I know some of you guys don't mean to hurt their feelings and just mean to say it innocently, it still encourages this unhealthy mindset that all idols MUST be borderline unhealthy, and just BARELY a healthy weight or diet amount. This gives their employers a reason to make them do those crazy restricted diets (ice cube diet, or the IU diet for example) and force them to lose weight because they KNOW and SEE what you do as well, and can see when you comment on it.

To put this into a different perspective as well, as someone who's been struggling with an eating disorder, looking at really thin idols like Jimin, Suga, Haechan, etc who all weigh less than me and are taller than me and to see them called "chubby" kicked my mind into comparison mode and said "then I must be HUGE." Or "I won't ever officially be skinny or pretty until I weigh the same as them or less" because that's how a sick mind works. So not only does this infect the idols minds and encourage the bad mindset, but it can infect their fans minds to think that they aren't good enough.

I've never wanted to point fingers at this because I love it so much, but I can't be a fucking liar anymore and hide behind it because I want to get better, and I'm tired of believing that I'm too big, or that I'll always be chubby until I'm 90lbs like all the female Kpop idols. But sometimes the Kpop fandom can trigger my eating disorder. There, I said it. Fight me. Because you call thin idols chubby, and you implant this way of thinking that how they eat is okay, and that weighing 90lbs and eating 1200 calories a day is a lifestyle or that constantly restricting and not focusing on nutrients or what body type I am is how life works because IT ISNT. Some people may be that naturally, but the fact that some idols noticably change a little bit when they eat normally on breaks shows that how they are on stage isn't natural.

And to end this off as a disclaimer again, I know people don't mean to be triggering, and they don't think there's anything wrong in what they're doing (which I understand), but you also have to really take a second to think about what you're saying a little bit. Chubby is a word that is either black or white to people. Either they think it's cute, or they think it's an insult. That all depends on culture and self esteem and blah blah blah. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with being chubby, or that it's a bad thing to be because it is definitely NOT and I think everyone is beautiful how they're meant to be. So of you're 90lbs or 140, or 180, or 200+ or anything in between naturally you're all still beautiful and have your own necessary standards to consume to be healthy that will be different from everyone else. However, that is where the issue lies. Because most idols weren't born as thin as they are, they are usually forced and conditioned to be that way. But to help you decide whether it's okay to make these comments, ask yourself this when you're about to call an idol chubby:

1: am I calling them chubby because they're "eating well" (a normal diet) and they've started filling out?

2:Would I like it if someone I loved, respected or whom I cared about their opinion called me "chubby" after finally getting off of a restricted diet and just eating healthy but normal amounts of food?

3: If I was a Kpop media outlet and saw that they gained weight, what would I write? (Really put yourself in their shoes and be honest.)

4: Am I calling them chubby cheeks because they're just puffing them out and being cute? (Then okay, it's fine)

5: when I say this, are they really chubby? Or has my mind been twisted to think they are just like their critics?

And I know that may seem extreme, but that's how it is. You all preach about how self love should be more important in the "toxic" Kpop industry but still subconsciously encourage its toxic behavior. So instead of comments like "omg your cheeks are so chubby now! <3" or "awwww look at his tummy he gained!" Say: "Omg, you look so healthy! ", " You've been looking extra cute recently 😍" and stuff like that. Because it still gets the point across that you like seeing them healthier, but it doesn't use possibly triggering words like chubby or thick because they are neither.

Anyways that's my mini rant. I don't mean to trigger people, or point fingers because I used to do it too. But I think we all need to collectively recognize this as part of the issue, and say, "huh, maybe that could hurt their feelings a little but EVEN IF I DONT MEAN TO, OR ITS NORMAL WHERE IM FROM TO SAY AS A COMPLIMENT"

Because as one of my favorite quotes puts it in words perfectly "You don't get to decide whether you hurt someone or not." So yes, people like me are sensitive, and yes, it may not seem like a big deal to you. But honestly I've sat by and respected all of your guy's opinions and words for a while now, and I think it's now okay for me to say "hey, this kind of bugs me a bit." Without being looked at as weird or annoying.

So in the nicest way possible, say what you want, but I'm not taking this down. I've made myself clear and as understanding as possible. But people like me who have an eating disorder, had one in the past, or are on the road to developing one, or someone who is about to start one of the insane Kpop diets, needs to know that this isn't normal. And they shouldn't compare themselves to the unhealthy kpop standards like it did.

Anyways, thanks for listening to my rant.

~DeepSheep

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weiqiankun-blog · 4 years

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beauty you hold.

female reader x mark lee

pretty frickin soft

my first piece of writing so i do hope you enjoy reading it

3k ish

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You'll admit, working at a coffee shop had it's quirks but there were just sometimes when all you wanted to do was go home and just sleep cause after all you were an exhausted college student and lets just say times were...tough sometimes. You've been working at your local coffee shop for awhile now and youve made friends with the other workers keeping in mind that theyre all quite older than you but atleast you have one close friend who works with you, this of course being one of your bestfriend's yuta. When you first met yuta, you kinda thought he was a pushover and a bit too bossy (or atleats thats what you said to him when you were explaining why you didnt approach him when you guys first met but actually it was only cause you were too scared). But ANYWAY, you were first to start working at the coffee shop, its name being 'Euphoria Cafe' and once you saw the help wanted sign through the window you were probably the first to apply cause you loved that place. Need a place to study? Euphoria, Need a place to relax? Euphoria, Need a place to sometimes see a few cute boys from time to time?... Euphoria (hotel?trivago (sorry i just had to)) so yeah. you got the job obviously and it was difficult at first to get used to how to use all the machines and everything but eventually you got the hang of it. And this is when your (not yet) best friend yuta comes waltzing in as the newly hired worker and you were kinda nervous cause yeah sure you're good with making friends but that doesn’t change that fact that you're terrified of embarrassing yourself especially in front of someone you found intimating.

So your first day together was awkward to say the least, there were many glances on both ends and all you guys said to each other were hi's, sorry's, here ya go's, and bye's when you guys left eventually. The next day it was like something snapped inside of you and you were having a really good day and you were just happy for ledgit no reason but when you're in moods like this, you kind of forget how to act around people or not forget but it's just a lot more free? So when you come into work you see yuta just getting in as well, and out of nowhere you just shouted, " hey yuta!!! how's your day been, excited for work?!" and the shock on his face was priceless and he just turned around and said, "oh, hey y/n, its been good and yeah i guess you could say i am", and to be honest you were kinda surprised he knew your name cause you guys literally never talked before yesterday and today was the first actual conversation you guys were having so naturally you asked, " oh woah, you know my name?", " well yeah, you know my name so...", "good point good point". And that was the start of a beautiful friendship, you guys grew really close and pretty fast and what surprised you the most was how jokingly flirtatious he got and it was definitely a joke cause at this point in your friendship you guys have seen TOO MUCH (dont be weird not like that) of each other to catch any feelings. You guys came to work together almost every day with him basically clinging onto you cause he needs affection and you obviously giving him it cause um who could resist. So yeah life was nice other than the crazy amount of work you had to do for college but OTHER THAN THAT just great :(.

Well anyway (yes this is a mark fluff just waittt) after few months of working there another employee joined and you recognized him almost instantly, he was in almost all of your classes but you guys barely talked, actually you guys only talked when you were forced to (partnered up and stuff). He wasnt in your shift but you always saw him leaving when you and yuta coming in. Eventually, mid-term break came along and yeah you were excited as hell but yuta was leaving to back to his hometown in japan so you would be pretty lonely. But then... you come into work one day not really being aware of your surroundings because you were too absorbed in your music but then when you walk in you see mark behind the counter not looking ready to leave at all so you said, "oh hi mark" (get the reference?) clear confusion coming out with your words and mark acknowledged it so he replied, " hey y/n, oh i asked if i could change my shift time because this works better for me so youll be seeing me for a while haha", " oh okay then i look forward to working with you", you say while nodding your head slightly. so mark right, you always liked him, not like crush sense but you thought he was cool you guess, and theres no denying that he was pretty cute but you never even had the idea of liking him until one day. So you come into work and suprisingly mark's not there he was usually early but you just thought oh he probably had something to do and didnt really care (#sorrynotsorry) but then in comes an extremely disheveled looking mark with messy hair and ripped jeans and a hoodie on and you were concerned to say the least. Thankfully no customers were in the shop yet and mark just runs to the counter panting and you genuinely think someone's been chasing him but he later explains he woke up like 2 minutes before he came to the coffee shop cause his phone ran out of battery hence alarm=nonexistent basically. That day you had a lot of customers and since you guys had to stay the entire day by the end of the day you were exhausted. When it was about an hour to closing mark just went on his break and it was just you in the shop because he just went for a walk which he regularly does for his break, something you noticed. but there werent many customers so you were okay but when you turned around to the register you saw a pink post-it saying: stay back today for a bit?. you already know mark wanted to just relax after work today and you guys had stayed back after work sometimes and you enjoyed it so you smiled and continued with the order for the customer. eventually he came back and you smiled and nodded and he smiled back and that just made you smile harder. so the day was finally over and you went to sit infront of the counter and took off your apron while mark was busy making something that you figured was his but when he was done you realized he had two drinks in his hand one being your favourite, a hot chocolate and one a berry smoothie. He placed the hot chocolate infront of you and you were like huh? and he said, “you drink this practically whenever you have the chance anyone would know it's your favourite". your heart kinda fluttered but you were like gurl dont be dumb staph but that didnt really stop much. you guys moved to the sofa after grabbing a few snacks (this was the main perk of getting the end shift cause you could stay back). You guys were facing each other and the windows were all still open blowing chilling air in and although you loved it you were cold and being the dumb one you are you forgot to bring a jacket so you shivered but you were fine after you closed the windows or so you thought for like two seconds and then you were like yeah no i be cold. "so care to explain why you came in looking like a wreck today" "so are you implying that i look good every other day" " well im not denying it.." you were always quite flirty with everyone unintentionally (sometimes intentionally) but mark kinda got used to it " i just slept really late yesterday and today wasnt the best" "i can tell but hey whats up?" "eh just stuff" "oh also ive been meaning to ask how long are you going to be working this shift?" "oh you want me to stay i see" "please, if anything the opposite" "mhmmm sure" he says with a smug look on his face, "well until your boyfriend comes back" you spat out your drink," my boyfriend?!" confusion was plastered on marks face and he said" yeah the guy you were working with before i came, yuta i think his name was?" you genuinely couldnt stop laughing until you eventually explained that he was just a bestfriend and you noticed a look of relief on his face? but pushed it aside. suddenly mark just got up and went to the back where you heard rummaging. after a few minutes mark came back with a t-shirt on and his hoodie in his hand. He threw over to you "stop shivering and wear this" he says he sat next to you this time causing you heart to basically jump out of your chest he wasnt that close or anything just him being kind. you mumbled a thanks. after a few moments of silence mark asked " so do you have a boyfriend?" "no you?" "nah. hey wanna lock up and just walk" you were actually glad he asked cause you were kinda tired of being in the cafe for this long and you thankfully nodded ---- you guys walked to a nearby park just talking about literally anything that came to your mind at this point you guys were pretty close and both of you guys knew things about each other that a lot of people dont, irrelevant and meaningful, like he knows that you only like the ends of those soda gummies cause apparently then have the most taste, but he argues that it all tastes the same, that doesnt stop him from eating the other end when you dont want it though, and you know that whenever hes stressed the only thing he wants to do is talk to someone he trusts and you were the same that way. as you were walking you werent really focusing on anything cause your heart was kinda all over the place cause youve officially developed a big fat crush on this idiot and you knew he didnt feel the same but then you being so absent minded caused you to trip and almost instantly mark grabbed your hand to stop you from falling over and you just started laughing while mark asked you if you were okay. you guys continued to walk in silence with the howling wind filling the air, although you guys were nothing you couldnt ask for more in this moment. you were reaching for your phone when you realized mark was still holding your hand you just stopped walking and froze staring at your hands clasped together (they werent intertwined but just holding ya get?) and obviously every force has an equal and opposite Reaction (its SciEnTifiC oKaY) so since you stopped walking and you were connected to mark he kinda was pulled back and this is when you noticed how red his face was and that surprised you but at the same time youre sure you were too (but like im brown so you wouldnt even be able to tell ay ay) "you only noticed i was holding your hand this entire time now?" "uh.. well.. ummm-" "sorry do you want me t-" he said as he started letting go "no no its fine i was just surprised thats all" and you guys continue walking except now your fingers are intertwined and your heart beating double time. you truly liked mark for his personality, for the way he made you laugh, the way he made you feel, the way he treated you, you really liked him. you guys found a a green patch that was pretty empty and decided to sit. mark was pretty sleepy so he asked if he could put his head on your lap and you said sure. it was pretty late at night but you werent scared if anything you felt safe and happy. mark did that to you and as you looked down at his face you truly realized how beautiful he was. his skin was so smooth and the fluorescent lights along the park were reflecting on his round glasses that shaped his face perfectly. you then hesitated before taking his glasses off cause you noticed he takes them off whenever hes tired so you just wanted him to feel comfortable. he opened his eyes at that and looked straight into your eyes, his eyes truly glimmered in the light as if they were shining stars of their own but what you didnt know is that those same eyes have been staring at you all night admiring your beauty and presence. you give him a slight smile and he does the same before shutting his eyes once again. you kinda wished he didnt because you wanted to stare into his eyes for more but atleast he was getting rest. this is when you decided to play some music. it was calm and relaxing and always helped when you were feeling stressed and you could tell mark was for whatever reason cause he refuses to tell you and since music was such a huge part of your life you hoped it would help him too. you started singing along lowly and not to brag or anything but your voice wasnt half bad, after all you were a music major and one of the instruments you play was your throat so you sounded pretty nice and mark seemed to agree with this cause he then reached for your phone and paused the music to say, " i like your voice better" and you being way too scared to sing infront of him refused but eventually he convinced you by saying he would sing as well which he did and you guys sounded nice.

after staying for a bit longer you decided it was time to go home so you told mark to get up and he obliged. he held his hand out for you and even after helping you up he continued to hold it. he insisted on dropping you off to your dorm which hes visited before to watch a movie or two but thats all. on your way back you asked him, "mark are you sure you dont want to talk about whats stressing you out?" "no its okay really, thanks for caring" he replied "anytime and if you change your mind just call me okay?" he nodded you guys reached your house by now and mark with such sincerity in his voice said" thanks for today, really" "we do this almost every week what are you talking about" " i know but just thank you for being you" he says while staring admirably at your face "look mark, well first you know im always here even if we arent working the same shift anymore im glad we became as close as we are now cause i truly cant imagine my life without you and yeah i know its really cheesy but its true but most importantly you need to stop beating yourself up whenever you mess up. youre human and we tend to make mistakes sometimes and thats fine because i know you mark and i know at the end of the day you’re going to be an amazing dancer and youll be great at whatever you want to do so i dont know whats bothering you but whatever it is i know you can overcome it so just keep your head up high and be strong but dont be afraid to talk to people about it. and mark, im just saying all this cause i care abo-" interrupting what you were saying mark comes closer and kisses you. His lips were warm contradicting the the cold weather and one of his hands was around your waist ever so gently pulling you closer to him while the other was on your neck gently caressing it. his lips were so gentle yet so passionate as if you could feel all of his emotions, your eyes were closed and your hands were around his neck and then your fingers ran through his hair. you dont even know how long the kiss went on but you had to pull away cause you were out of breath. Your foreheads were against each other and noses almost touching his eyes were closed and he mumbled under his breath " thank you, thank you so much. thank you for being the person you are and for making me feel the way i feel. every time i see you im so mesmerized by the amount of beauty you can hold. everything you do makes my heart beat faster and im just so glad that youre in my life and im really sorry if you dont feel the same ill act like this never happened if you want me to but i really like you and i have for a long while and i just want to compliment you everytime i see you and hold your hand and kiss you to show you how much i appreciate you and god y/n you make me feel things i dont think ive ever felt befo-" "mark..." you say moving your head to look a him, he hesitantly opens his eyes expecting a rejection "i like you too" you say before giving him a deep but quick kiss and after that he lift you up and hugs you and start cheering almost about how happy he is. And that was the start of your relationship with mark lee <3

3:00 AM 1/24/2019 (this is when I wrote this can you frickin believe wow welp.. that was it)

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