#just cause that scene has lived in my brain rent-free for years | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

fourraccoonsinacoat · 7 months

Text

Head Full of Ghosts

Pairing: Astarion x Dark Urge

Summary: Takes place during the events of Baldur's Gate 3 and explores the romance between Astarion and the Dark Urge, as well as the friendships and relationships she has with her companions. Plus, everyone gives shit to Gale about his cooking. Tags: Slow Burn, Angst, Pining, Humor, Violence, Friends to Lovers, Developing Friendships, Developing Romance, Spoilers for the Dark Urge and BG3 in general, Dark Urge as Original Female Character Rating: Mature (Will eventually be Explicit, just not there yet.) Current Chapter Count: 3/? Read on AO3 (Will post chapters to Tumblr, as well.) Current Word Count: 13,050

Author Notes: Hello, Tumblr! Longtime lurker, first time poster. BG3 has reignited my love for writing fanfic - I think it's legit been over seven years since I've written a fic. The dry spell has now been broken. BG3 has grabbed me by the throat and pulled me back in and damn, if I'm not enjoying the hell out of it. I've got an ongoing fic on AO3, so I figured why not officially join Tumblr and dive headfirst into the fandom? Should anyone read my silly fic, I dearly hope you enjoy it. All these characters currently live in my head rent free.

Chapter 1: Misfits

The toll house burned as Karlach whooped, exacting rage and fury on everything within the abandoned building. Her glee might have been infectious if it hadn’t been so damn dangerous.

Luckily, Eli and her merry band of misfits had gotten clear of the structure before the worst of the fires caught. They now stood in the middle of the dirt cart path that led to the toll house entryway, watching the scene unfold in front of them with the same morbid curiosity with which townsfolk might watch a public hanging.

Wyll rubbed the back of his neck, cringing slightly as the loud and unmistakable crash of something glass-made reverberated from within the inferno.

“Maybe…” he started hesitantly, then cleared his throat. “Maybe someone should stop her?”

Honestly, Wyll was too pure for their group of maladjusted headcases. Between being forcibly inducted as Emerald Grove’s newest mediator, and trying to figure out just what in the nine hells was going on with the illithid tadpoles in their brains, Eli had not had much time to get to know Wyll. Like her, he was a warlock, though he was being rather cagey about who or what his patron was. She guessed it had something to do with his contract, and it wasn’t as if she had much room to judge.

Eli couldn’t even remember who the hell her patron was. That knowledge was a gaping black hole in her ruptured memory. Sometimes, late at night, in the stifling silence when the chaos of the day had finally died down, she’d try to recall…anything. Anything about her past life beyond the images of blood, death and rot that swirled in her mind. She was never successful, and her attempts usually ended in a roiling headache. The holes in her brain were deep, dark and remained unknown.

“These days I’m trying to avoid situations that end with me burnt to ash,” Astarion’s snark brought Eli back to the here and now. “But if you’re confident in your ability to be fire retardant, then by all means,” he finished the thought by motioning towards the building with a bit of a flourish.

The building was now practically engulfed in flames so bright that it was difficult to look at. She was pretty sure she could hear the roof caving in. Eli pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes, the light and sound of it all was causing her already throbbing headache to grow and fester behind her eyes.

“Stop trying to suck the joy out of things, Wyll,” Eli said, with a bit more bite than she had intended.

She couldn’t see it, but she heard the eye roll in his response. “Fine. Far be it from me to deny someone their little moments of destructive bliss.”

Eli huffed in response and felt a presence move up next to her.

“Another headache?” Shadowheart’s voice wasn’t quite concerned, but it did have a hint of guarded interest, and for Shadowheart that was just as good.

“Think I’m going on day three now,” Eli responded with a groan. She let her hand drop from her face and opened her eyes, blinking back against the influx of light.

No one spoke it out loud, but they all knew the significance of that statement. Three days ago, Eli had woke in the middle of the night to discover Alfira, a kind and gentle tiefling bard, brutalized and dead…by Eli’s own hands. The shame, guilt and confusion from that night was still a gaping and painful wound within. Alfira was a constant and haunting presence, a reminder that her mind and body were not her own. She could recall flashes of memory from that night, and she desperately wished that was not the case.

The fear in Alfira’s eyes was emblazoned upon her brain and it followed her into her dreams. She was not sleeping well, if at all. And the terror that she would once again wake up to find she’d torn open another of her companions, one of her friends…it was enough to fill her nights with nauseating dread.

“Maybe Gale can cook up a sleeping potion for you when we get back to camp,” Shadowheart suggested with more softness in her voice than Eli was used to. “I’m sure your penchant for rummaging through our wares until all hours of the morning isn’t helping things,” she chided a bit more coolly.

Eli gave her a non-committal half smile. She’d taken to perusing their camp’s growing hoard of books during her sleepless nights. Reading kept her mind busy, and off of other darker thoughts that stalked her steps.

“Given the unholy smells being extruded by Gale’s cookpot the other night, I’m not sure I’d trust him to brew a sleeping potion someone is expected to wake up from,” Astarion said cheerily, stepping up to Eli’s other side opposite Shadowheart. “Besides, there’s nothing wrong with a little extracurricular nighttime activity.”

The suggestive smirk he gave Eli caused the pit of her stomach to tighten.

“Yes, because reading is so titillating,” she deadpanned back at him. Astarion was a shameless flirt, and Eli wasn’t in a mood to deal with him while her head was splitting open from the inside out.

Astarion, however, was not dissuaded.

“Darling, it’s not my fault if you choose a boring activity.” He emphasized the word ‘boring’ and Eli knew exactly where this was going before they even got there.

He leaned in closer and she caught the faint scent of spice and rosemary that always lingered in the space where he’d been. Nine hells, why did she know that?

“You know I’m only a few tents away if you ever want to try a more stimulating activity,” he purred. A small shiver ran up her spine as she felt the breath from his words against her neck.

A derisive snort came from Eli’s other side. “Really, Astarion, were you never taught not to play with your food?” Shadowheart said with the hint of a smirk, which turned into a full grin when Eli shot her a dark glare.

Eli suddenly felt very aware of a certain spot on her neck as she looked back to Astarion, whose red eyes had been lingering there before they flicked back up to her face. She met his gaze and thought she saw something hungry flash across his expression before he looked to Shadowheart.

“Call it an appetizer,” Astarion replied in that smooth and sultry voice that danced so effortlessly from his lips. “Something to get the blood pumping before the main course.”

Eli was starting to feel something akin to what a rabbit may feel when being circled by wolves. Astarion had inched closer to her as he spoke and teased, pushing into her personal space with bravado and squaring up to her like an animal on the prowl. Eli had experienced this behavior from him before, and she hated it. Not because of any issues with personal boundaries - she didn’t even know if she had issues with personal boundaries, considering how full of holes her memory was. No, she hated it because of how her body responded. And she doubted it was the sort of response Astarion was looking for.

All of his bravado, his confidence, how sure of himself he seemed when he pressed near to her, playing his games. It triggered an anger in her she didn’t recognize. A cruel and dominating rage that wanted nothing more than to grab him by the throat and force him to his knees, demanding respect. She was no rabbit fearful of wolves, no plaything for him to tease. She’d flay him sternum to navel for his insolence.

“Stop,” Eli muttered, moreso to herself than to Astarion.

Her head was pounding as she tried to shove those unwanted and vicious thoughts back down into the unknown void of herself. She took a tentative step backwards and nearly collided with Shadowheart, who managed to step quickly out of the way. Eli felt a hand on her shoulder and reflexively flinched away, internally trying to wrest herself from the cloying vile madness that was building in her brain.

“Sorry,” Eli heard Shadowheart say.

Glancing to Shadowheart, Eli saw she had her hands raised in a conciliatory gesture. Likely, Shadowheart had reached out to try and steady Eli. The problem was, Eli didn’t trust herself when her mind went red and hazy.

She didn’t want anyone touching her in those moments. She didn’t want anyone ending up like Alfira…

“That’s enough of that,” Wyll’s strong voice held a very clear note of annoyance in it. “Leave her be and let’s get back to camp. Lest we get lost out here after the sun goes down.”

Eli appreciated the sentiment, but she almost wished Wyll had stayed silent.

“Ah, the dashing Blade of Frontiers here to save the pretty damsel from the dangerous vampire,” Astarion said, with more than a hint of contempt to his words.

Astarion and Wyll did not play nice. They reminded Eli of two dogs posturing and vying for control when they were near one another. And, unfortunately, everyone else got pissed on in the process.

Astarion continued to bait the hook, voice sickly suggestive. “Hoping she’ll offer you a place to sheath your blade tonight if you play hero?”

Eli wheeled on Astarion with a glare that only succeeded in making the elf smile wider. For all of his pompous confidence, Eli did take note of the fact that Astarion had backed off from her. At least in the physical sense. He seemed more than happy to continue his verbal assault.

“You vulgar bastard!” Wyll barked back, angrily stepping towards Astarion who was grinning like a feral cat. Wyll was taking the bait.

“Lolth’s rotten nickers!” Eli exclaimed, exasperated and over all of this. “If the two of you want to have it out, fine! Just know I’m not asking Withers to bring either of you miserable assholes back if one of you kills the other!”

The blood in her head was pounding again, pulsating painfully behind her eyes. Eli threw up her hands and turned away from the squabbling men, only to see that tiefling barbarian, Karlach, watching all of them with a grin.

“You lot seem fun as hell!” she proclaimed with a laugh as the toll house continued to blaze like an inferno behind her. “Still cool if I tag along?”

“Yeah, sure,” Eli responded. “We all seem to be in the same shithole of a boat, so if you want to grab a paddle I’m not stopping you.”

Eli smirked and Karlach’s face lit up with excitement. “That’s the spirit!”

The next few moments were a blur. Moments in which Eli felt very much like a passenger in her own body. Astarion wasn’t letting up, and from behind her Eli heard his goading voice as he continued to taunt Wyll.

“You know, Wyll, if you’re ever curious about what our dear, sweet Eli tastes like, all you have to do is ask,” Astarion’s sly words were dripping with inuendo.

Eli snapped.

She rounded on Astarion like a displacer beast loosed from hell, stepping into his personal space just as he had done to her earlier. Eli, however, was not playing games. Her head felt like it was exploding from the inside and her vision was beginning to swim. She needed to get out of here. She needed to leave before she lost control. She needed to put this flippant, disrespectful maggot in his place.

“Would you FUCK OFF with your self-aggrandizing bullshit!” she roared.

Eli was up in Astarion’s face now, all venom and rage as she tried to maintain enough control to keep herself from driving a dagger through his eye like the monster inside of her was demanding.

“I’ve let you feed on me ONE time, and that has been the extent of any nightly activities between us,” she growled, locking eyes with the vampire spawn.

Astarion was a few inches taller than her, but in this moment it didn’t matter. They had all seen Eli fight. They’d witnessed the absolute carnage and power that she was capable of, and while most of that ability came from whatever deal she’d made with her patron, they had all sensed something else beyond her skill as a warlock. Something foul and brutal and violent that she seemed desperate to keep restrained.

That thing was leaking out now. Pressing at the barricades in her mind wrestling to break free. It wanted blood and gore and anguish. It wanted out.

“So, keep your pathetic attention-whoring charade in check or I’m going to lock you in a coffin and burry you so fucking deep even the worms won’t be able to find you!” Eli snarled, eyes glittering with a mania that indicated she was far from joking.

Eli didn’t know the chord she’d struck in Astarion – she didn’t even know if he had chords to be struck. She didn’t know how her words wrenched unbidden memories to the surface of his mind, like puss oozing from an infected wound. She didn’t know the torments inflicted upon him. Didn’t know that her words caused his chest to tighten with anxiety as unwanted recollections flashed in his mind. Days, months, years trapped in lonely confinement at the whim of his abuser. Locked away and starved because he said something displeasing or because he begged to be spared the agony of having his scars cut open once again because his master was bored and wanted to play.

Astarion had gone very still in the face of Eli’s wrath. And as the haze of anger in her mind dissipated and the realization of what she’d just said crashed down upon her, her eyes went wide and she took a quick step back. Her head was a mess and she felt like she was coming up out of a dream and seizing control of herself once more.

Shadowheart, Wyll and Karlach stood by, staring with a mix of shock and morbid curiosity. They were not going to get involved, but they damn sure were going to watch this disaster play out.

“I…uh…” Eli stuttered as she pulled herself back from the brink.

Her movements felt lethargic and wrong, as if she were a step removed from the actions her body was taking. But she kept hold of her mental steering wheel and willed herself to maintain control.

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Astarion,” she lifted her gaze, wanting to meet his eyes so she could explain and apologize again.

But Astarion wasn’t looking at her. At least, not at her face. His eyes were fixated on the collar of the burgundy undershirt she wore below her chest armor. His expression fluctuated somewhere between grim detachment and smoldering hatred, crimson eyes glassy and distant.

Eli felt an unnerving sensation of being looked through.

“Astarion?” she questioned, voice softer and tinged with an edge of worry.

She took a tentative step forward and raised a hand towards him. Had he been struck with an incantation? A curse? Maybe Shadowheart or Wyll had cast something as a means of intervention?

Eli was about to turn and ask them when Astarion flinched back from her outstretched hand as if she’d struck him. His eyes snapped to hers and burned with a hostility she’d never seen from him, not even during the famously vehement rows he and Gale would get into over Gale’s cooking (the arguments usually ended with Gale shouting, “You aren’t even going to eat any of it, anyway!” and storming off in a dither).

“Don’t,” Astarion snarled through clenched teeth and a tight jaw. “Don’t fucking touch me!”

Icy loathing dripped off his every word and Eli suddenly recognized the defensive posture he’d put himself in, leaning back and away from her with hands ready to go for a weapon or even swing at her should she move closer. He reminded her of an animal trapped in a corner, baring its fangs at something…

At something dangerous. At something intent on hurting them.

Shit. Had her outburst really been that bad? Had he really thought she was going to attack him?

A pang stabbed through her stomach as she realized…of course he had. Because of what she’d done to Alfira. She’d already proven she was capable of brutalizing the people around her, no matter how innocent they were. They thought she was dangerous. Astarion, a godsdamn vampire who’d crept up on her in the middle of the night, thought she was dangerous.

She needed to get herself under control. This wasn’t a sustainable lifestyle. At least not for the people around her…

“Astarion, I’m really fucking sorry,” she backed away from him, giving him space and bringing her hands back to her sides. “I’m not even entirely sure what happened. Things got…hazy. I’m really sorry.”

It was a piss poor excuse, and an even worse apology. She knew. And it seemed he agreed.

“You can choke on your apology,” Astarion snapped as he shoved past her. “If the tadpole turns you tonight, it wouldn’t be too soon.”

The sheer venom of his words stung as painfully as if he’d stabbed her right there on the spot. She opened her mouth to reply, but could think of nothing worthwhile to say. So she snapped it closed and watched him walk off down the path that led back to camp.

Well, some fantastic leader she was turning out to be. She already didn’t understand why anyone thought she, with her magnitude of memory loss and murder happy tendencies, was the ideal candidate for a position of authority. She was awful at this shit!

Eli had spent a lot of time combing through her fractured psyche, trying to piece together any semblance of facts about who she was. In all that self-reflection, she’d concluded there were two things she was really good at. Killing people and drinking.

Fuck, what she wouldn’t give to be doing either one of those things right now instead of this.

She turned a miserable expression on her remaining companions. “Is it too late to go back to the mind flayer ship and just surrender?”

Wyll laughed and sided up to her, clapping a hand on her shoulder and trying to be reassuring.

“I’m sure he’ll get over it,” he said. Then, with a somewhat darker smirk, “And if he doesn’t, we’ll just stake him. Luckily for us, our benevolent illithid captors saw fit to crash us in the middle of a forest. Trees everywhere.”

Wyll grinned while Eli just gave him a deadpan stare. He wasn’t helping. Maybe he wasn’t too pure for their little group, after all. Maybe he was just as much of a dumbass as the rest of them.

Eli looked to Shadowheart, who simply rolled her eyes before glancing after Astarion as he continued to walk further and further from the party.

“I bet he just needs some time to cool down,” Shadowheart mused. “Men can be irrationally dramatic when they put their minds to it.”

The grin on Wyll’s face fell as Shadowheart started to follow Astarion down the path. Eli trailed after her, glancing to Karlach in the hopes of making some sort of conversation to distract herself from all the pain and noise in her head.

“I’m just happy to be here,” Karlach laughed.

48 notes · View notes

cyndrastic · 7 months

Text

ok so y’all seemed to like the first part of the Fairly Odd Parents AU so here’s more characters!!

Tolkien and Jimmy are AJ and Chester!! They’re Clyde’s best (and only) friends at school! As I was making this au I realized how oddly well Tolkien and Jimmy actually match AJ and Chester character wise, so not much has to be changed for them honestly. Meanwhile I needed a character to be Vicky so I figured “hey Clyde has a sister doesn’t he?” so boom there she is.

more in depth character descriptions under the cut for those who want them!

Tolkien is the smart rich kid who tries and generally fails to talk sense into Jimmy and Clyde, and is the only one of the three with any brain cells. Also probably the only neurotypical one of the three. He’s also the only one in school who will point out when stuff randomly changes, usually in benefit of Clyde. Like, he’s the one who always notices when Clyde suddenly has a new super expensive looking bike, or he’s suddenly the most popular guy in school for like 3 days before everything just goes back to how it was for no reason. Tolkien is the only one who notices and is concerned with this.

These changes are obviously Clyde making wishes, and it scares Tweek that Tolkien will eventually figure out that Clyde has fairy god parents. Tweek wants to wipe Tolkien’s memory every time he notices a spell, but Clyde and Craig stop him. Craig thinks it’s hilarious because in all his time being a godparent, no godkid’s friends have ever noticed anything wrong until Tolkien, so he’s automatically Craig’s second favorite human (second to Clyde).

He rewards Tolkien for this by letting him be the only human that can hold or play with him when he’s in his pet form (like how Cosmo and Wanda become goldfish, Craig is a guinea pig) without getting bit when the trio hangs out at Clyde’s house.

Jimmy, for the sake of this au, will not be as dirt poor as Chester is in the actual show cause idk what good that does for this au lol. Otherwise Jimmy is the wisecracking friend who has a good heart and pure intentions most of the time but covers it with crude humor and kinda offensive jokes. Also he sucks at reading a room (me coded) and can never tell when his comedic genius won’t be appreciated (the deleted scene of him making a joke about Clyde killing his mom to Clyde like the day after it happened lives in my head rent free it’s so funny) His hair is also wavy cause I said so and that’s just how I like to draw Jimmy, i do what i want.

Also, just like how Tolkien is Craig’s second favorite human, Jimmy is Tweek’s. Most of the time when Jimmy cracks a joke, even if it’s a supremely unfunny one, Tweek laughs at it. Tweek’s pet form is a parrot, so that means if he’s chilling as an animal he can still talk and laugh. Jimmy thinks it’s hilarious that Clyde’s bird finds him so funny and Jimmy will frequently go to Clyde’s house to write and test out new comedy routines for Tweek because he’s “such a terrific audience.” Craig kinda hates it but won’t object because Tweek genuinely enjoys it.

Clyde and Craig don’t understand how Tweek finds Jimmy genuinely funny all the time, but it’s literally only because Tweek has spent the majority of his life around Craig, who is incredibly blunt, sarcastic to a fault, and so unfunny it hurts. Craig is only ever funny by being overtly honest when he doesn’t need to be (autism moment), and couldn’t make a normal joke if his life depended on it (if i may remind anyone of the Craig clip: “i got a good one: why do girls wear makeup and perfume? because they’re ugly and they stink” this man would not know a joke if it punched him in the face)

Lizzie is Clyde’s older sister. Shes a good bit older than him, Clyde being around 15 years old and her being around 22. She’s a massive bitch and has always been mean to Clyde, but it got worse once their mom died and she blamed it on Clyde (Betsy died the same way in canon as in this au, so it is kinda Clyde’s fault but still, he was 8). Luckily with her being way older than Clyde, she lives at college, but he has to deal with her whenever she goes home and during her school’s breaks. She takes Vicky’s role in this au so even if she isn’t an evil babysitter, she acts similarly to Clyde as Vicky does to Timmy.

She’s one of the reasons Clyde even gets god parents: abusive older sister, dead mom who’s death was because of him, crazy teacher (Garrison is his own level of traumatizing just as he is in the canon of the show but i haven’t decided if i wanted him to be exactly like Crocker yet), and Roger (Clyde’s dad) is ok but he’s kinda neglectful cause he’s mourning his wife and has to work double to support his kids now that Betsy is dead.

#south park #south park fanart #south park au #cyn art #south park art #fairly odd parents sp au #<- idk what tag to use for now #clyde donovan #clyde’s sister #tolkien black #token black #jimmy valmer #sp clyde #clyde sp #tolkien sp #sp tolkien #sp token #jimmy sp #sp jimmy

49 notes · View notes

tblsomedoodles · 1 year

Note

(Sorry for asking a lot of the Donnie Au, it’s living rent-free in my head 😓) In the series, Donnie has a lot of centric episodes which could work well (in my opinion) with this Au:

Donnie gifts: rewatching the episode, it could show how Dee is way better trained and has more battle iq than his brothers.

I could also give a reason off why he made those gifts. I personally see it as him making the gifts as his way to both help them be better fighters and to keep them safe. (also does he still get captured by MeatSweats?)

The Purple game: I don’t think this episode would really change a lot, maybe bringing a motive for why Dee got obsessed by the game. (Maybe brings memories of him and Uncle Mikey playing but the again he wants nothing to do with past memories so…)

The Lair games: I think the change is more directed to Leo than to Dee, cause just like Angie, it’s Dee first Lair games so imagine how pissed Leo would be when all of a sudden his lost twin comes back and destroys his 5 year champion record, first try.

Breaking purple: this is one is just me but I could see Dee thinking back and remembering his Pops while looking for SHELLDON ( the junk yard scene )

Turtle Degan Nights: Ok so this episode could explore Dee’s feelings/relationship with rise splinter. (Prepare yourself it’s long)

Something about Donnies character is the fact that he lacks parental support and validation which is plays a big part in this episode (with him looking for ways to bond with Splinter and getting exited every time when he’s about to say proud). But Raphie (and the 03 gang) fix those problems, meaning he no longer has those needs.

How would that affect this episode?: would he still go or not? And If he does go, would he back down when arriving (since he’s no longer blinded with the idea of bonding with splinter [unless he is]) and giving his bottle up emotions (and that he probably misses Raphie), would that affect the moment he confronts Splinter.

(I’m sorry, this got WAY longer that I expected 😓Donnie has a plenty of centric episodes)

No apologies needed! He's been stuck in my head all day too lol

But yeah, for the Donnie's gifts, Dee definitely made them mostly to help. He knows leaders are supposed to make plans before fighting so a helmet that helps Raph make plans? Brilliant. Mikey keeps getting hurt when he's trying stunts he can't quite land yet so bubble suit? Perfect. Leo? He wasn't quite sure about leo, but his 'it's 4am and i haven't slept in 36 hrs' brain thought getting him to stop joking mid fight would need a taser so he built one. (then realized after the fact, ok, maybe the jokes weren't bad enough to tase him like that. and does awkwardly apologize.)

The Purple Game, you're right, would probably stay the same. Context wise, he gets hyper-fixated on it b/c it reminds him of home, but not enough to have feelings over it.

Lair games, oh definitely! Leo's just like, yeah i'm going to win again this year, and then doesn't. (which was definitely not Leo's plan to start so he never wagered his room.)

Breaking Purple, yeah i could see that being the case. Like he's looking for Shelldon and has the brief thought of "is this how Papa felt when i left?" before he buries it again.

And Turtle-dega Nights, oh that one would be fun. His differences in being raised (i know there's a word but idk what it is right now) would certainly effect this episode.

Like, for one, he does not want to go. At all. He actually resents Splinter for his original disappearance (logically he knows it's not his fault, illogically, that was his dad. Why couldn't he chase the cat away like pops had?) and he very much hates how little attention this guy has been giving his brothers (and him since he came back), b.c his lack of attention is very apparent to him after having so much of it back in 03. So he doesn't want to do this man any favors.

It's Mikey that talks him into it (b/c he's trying to get Dee and Splinter on better terms.) (so essentially, their spots are switched, Dee's the one going "I don't want to be here, it looks off" and Mikey's like "no, it's great! We're bonding with dad.")

When it's revealed to be a demolition derby, Dee is pissed and refuses to participate, eventually pulling the parking break like in cannon and full on yelling at Splinter (swears and all. He gives no shits) about how he tricked them and he was never going to trust him again and how he just wanted to go home to his pops b/c at least he doesn't trick him into bringing his creations to demolition derbies.

They have a little heart to heart while Mikey is freaking out in the background (b/c this was not how his 'get Dee to bond with dad' plan was supposed to go!) and things are a little better between them 1) b/c Splinter apologizes and promises to do better, and 2) shows he's serious by (like cannon) being willing to give up the trophy to take his boys home.

(Dee then decides the best course of action was to take out every single competitor in the derby so they wouldn't be stopped when they went home, thus (completely unintentionally, he swears) winning the trophy anyways.)

Thank you!

#asks #tmnt #rottmnt #adopted donnie au

83 notes · View notes

sigruned · 1 year

Text

The finale is still percolating and honestly they nailed the landing so well it is almost hard to find the words for all the thoughts (Red like Roses pt. 3 fight scene is living rent free in my brain, I need the soundtrack to come out like yesterday.)

Anyway, time skip/v10 thoughts:

My money is on one month to one year (maybe 2 but it feels like a stretch). This leaves enough time for a new normal to be established in Vacuo post refugee arrival (I see that tent city in the closing shot 👀 that's never a good sign for civil cohesion), accounts for the myriad travel times of everyone convening on Shade, and results in minimal character development lost offscreen for the Vacuo crew. Not exactly a hot take but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Speaking of new normal, I imagine there are some internal tensions going on that will probably encompass the main conflict for v10? Extremely curious what the civilian/peanut gallery reaction to Ruby is going to be when they get back. Her message is what brought them all together, but she hasn't been around to establish her own presence. It would be very easy for someone to build her up as a martyr for the cause (I'm not presumptuous enough to try and predict who or why, but the official story about Lionheart Oz chose to go with at the beginning of v6 springs to mind as relevant suddenly). Also possible this has just happened organically too, either way Ruby being back and alive actually could wreck any kind of crafted image that's built up around her since.

Ruby chose herself at the end of this volume, but I hope they continue with that throughline (see above potential plot hook. If Ruby is now the face of the fight against Salem, there will be more pressure than ever on her to fit a mold for the sake of everyone else, but 'everyone else' is now on the scale of thousands). Deciding you are enough is not a one and done choice. Continuing to do so can be a struggle. Feeling she had the option to communicate how she really felt was a big part of the conflict this volume, and I want to see her lean on the support system she has even if it's just occasionally.

#rwby #i love this volume a lot and it was super necessary to have #but i do miss the rest of the cast lol

4 notes · View notes

faejilly · 2 years

Text

TESTING OUT THE QUOTE REPLY THINGY? Very long after the post that inspired said replies, but what-the-fuck-ever:

@theladyw replied to your post “I have 314 things in my q it is dumb how happy...”:

🥧! I have turned into a failure of a nerd, I didn’t even notice that, I’m just still thrilled I can go over 300 now, after getting into some very bad drafting habits from getting stuck at 299 a few too many times 🤣

@oranges8hands replied to your post “so staff is working on POLLS which will be great...”:

#6 could be fun but true vote is mermay fic (assuming this is referring to the malec fic - or even better the follow-up to the AU mermay fic cause that thing lives in my head rent free) or sh wip - like another chapter of "if broken hearts were whole" or if you were still doing a sequel to "with an if in its soul".

I mean. IN THEORY ALL THOSE THINGS WILL HAPPEN SOME DAY?

I don’t usually actually totally abandon the WIPs. I have only done so twice in a dozen years? That’s not bad odds, tbqh. Now, has it been longer than usual without managing forward progress on quite so many of them? Perhaps....

*sighs forever*

@jadesabre301 replied to your post “so staff is working on POLLS which will be great...”:

considering I just wrote a nearly 6K summary of a fic I'm not going to write, I'm a big fan of the not!fic collection idea. But also you should probably work on the thing where snippets are due soon.

Not!Fic is fun! (I have like 10k of journal entries for Ella Shepard that aren’t fic but are good background references, yk?)

& I did not do the thing, and continue to be snippet-less past the deadline. No art for jilly. (But a belated thank you for the pragmatic advice? 😅😅😅😅)

@leahazel replied to your post “so staff is working on POLLS which will be great...”:

I should do a poll like this but for all the unfinished scenes in one WIP.

On the one hand, YES! otoh, my polls have not actually been helping me do anything lately, so uh? YMMV?!?! *snerk*

@servantofclio replied to your post “so staff is working on POLLS which will be great...”:

I admit Downworld for Dummies sounds hilarious to me

I mean. I find it hilarious, that’s why I started writing it? But then it needed more effort and I went *thbbbbbbbt* because my brain is mushy.

@thedivinemissema replied to your post “so staff is working on POLLS which will be great...”:

4 sounds good to me!

WELL IT SOUNDS GOOD TO ME TOO BUT I KEEP NOT WRITING IT?

I should yell about it on a 7kpp server or something, see if that helps me get back into it 🤞🤞🤞 (I just realized I don’t think we share any discord servers, wtf? How did that happen? Or not happen. Also I have too many that I never check in on, I should do some pruning.)

#oranges8hands #theladyw #leahazel #servantofclio #thedivinemissema #jadesabre301 #jilly replies #maybe?

9 notes · View notes

portablecity · 1 year

Text

recent watches and listens and reads

Movies: The Pale Blue Eye - not bad, but by halfway through i had a strong “i bet the book is real good” feeling despite not knowing at that point that there was a book. Extreme problem of Charming Young Men In Uniform who all looked identical.

Point Break - a cultural moment I am glad to have caught up on. Incredible steady escalation of the tone and stakes. Bodie was a terrifyingly accurate depiction of the self-absorbed new age older dudes that hung around art school student scenes. Has anyone adapted this movie into a Descended From the Queen hack yet?

Woman King - hey i waited way too long to watch this, i super recommend it, it did not pull any punches on the action, the script, the themes, the emotional arc, the everything. It turned out that watching the trailer had told me almost nothing about it. Still a bit stunned. And despite the uniforms every character was easy to id and learn about and love.

The Hexer - the polish tv movie adaptations of The Witcher from like 20 years ago. It’s on youtube for free. No budget but all the enthusiasm. Pretty sure Henry Cavill based his geralt on this one, down to quite a few of the gestures and poses.

Audiobooks:

I’m working my way through the discworld books for the nth time, this time via my library’s audiobook collection. I have unconditional love for the series, but if you are coming from outside and want a place to start, I think I’d recommend Going Postal as your intro.

Most recently I just finished The Monstrous Regiment, and it is everything i remember and more. Some authors move the goalposts, or the finish line; Pratchett keeps moving the punchline, building on the joke until it’s non longer a joke and instead a core theme with big beautiful emotional payoff. I cried A Normal Amount.

Favourite character moments so far:

Sybil: in The Fifth Elephant, climbing out the window.

Vimes: any of his conversations with Willikins in Snuff.

Willikins: every time he is on screen, as it were.

Carrot: honest to god the addition of age and experience has really changed how i see Carrot and frankly I find him pretty terrifying. By the end of Men at Arms he is Legit Scary, and the shit he pulls in The Fifth Elephant is not cool. The only Carrot I particularly like is the one you hear in his letters home.

The Wizards: everything in Unseen Academicals.

The Librarian: how could i choose, honestly

Moist: the shit he pulls at the end of Going Postal; it’s such a bastard move for a good cause, which is i think the core of his appeal.

Death: dancing with Miss Flitworth

Vetinari: every conversation with Moist. Especially the one with the signet ring.

Gaspode: never not a fav but especially love his cameo in The Truth.

Angua: again, i feel like i read her very differently now; I don’t know if I really get her anymore. Further rereading needed.

I have been on the holds list for the witches books for a While, and the library doesn’t even HAVE Lord & Ladies, but I will update as I get to them. I do appreciate every moment Magrat gets her own out of a scene. But how to pick a fav moment with any of the others?

The only books I haven’t reread MANY times before this reread are Unseen Academicals, and Raising Steam; relistening to Unseen Academicals was a delight and left me very sad Pratchett didn’t get to continue those thoughts and themes further. Maybe the sweetest romances in the whole series. And somehow I just didn’t register Pepe and Madame on my first readthrough? Anyways I’m excited for Raising Steam, but not sure where to find an audobook version at this time.

Listening:

I discovered accordion players performing music like Vivaldi sonatas and Bach fugues and that certainly lives rent free in my brain now:

youtube

Otherwise I think I’ve listened to Devin Townsend’s Terria album at least twice a week sonce november. It’s harder to track down nowadays but remains a favourite.

Also we watched Andor slowly and carefully and I am still extremely immersed; can’t believe they got me back into the s’wars after boba and kenobi, honestly, but i am real glad I watched it.

Also, I read Ducks by Kate Beaton in a single sitting. Recommended.

#music #books #movies #heavy metal #discworld #reread #accordion #good times #recommendations #Youtube

1 note · View note

erza155-writes · 2 years

Text

Author Commentary: Taste of forever

So, after a whole year of tormenting myself & the homies, I have finally published the NHS x JL fic that has been occupying prime brain real estate.

It would be better to read it before you subject yourself to this author commentary, but if you’ve read it already, commentary below!

I’ve been writing this story on and off for like a year now, and well…. Yeah. It’s been a thing. I’ve kinda had fun because I don’t know if anyone else has done this yet, but here we are!

This pairing has been living in my head rent free for a hot minute, but it was originally inspired by a scene in chapter 8 from A bit of ruthlessness by Jirluvien on ao3. It’s a xicheng fic, but this throwaway interaction between these 2 sparked something within me, I taunted my friend with it, wrote an initial concept that got way too long and unmanageable and then took the cowards way out by writing this. I haven’t linked it as inspired by A bit of ruthlessness on ao3 cause I still need to ask permission from Jirluvien because I’m not sure if they’d wanna be associated with all of this.

Anyway, after I initially thought of it, I was like ‘yo is there fic for this’ & surprise surprise, fucking nothing. So I tool it upon myself to craft the narrative I wanted to witness. But as I publish this, it is the 3rd fic in the tag, so maybe there is hope yet!

This is still only the first half after various edits. I had to split it in half because NHS pov is different from JL pov.

So the story starts at 9:46pm on January 19 2021 when I text my friend:

I just wrote the outline for a Nie Huaisang/Jin Ling fic and titled it after that one Icarus meme playlist; Pretty Fly for a white guy

I'm about to cry

There is so much that is ridiculous about this

And no one was able to stop me, so everything kind of snowballed into what I have published. (Hilariously enough, this fic was supposed to be only 500 words long, yet here we are...)

The thing is that I really do unironically love this ship and thinking about it and writing about it. They’re both such fascinating characters with a lot of depth and I was kind of curious as to how a relationship between the 2 of them would develop considering the wealth of trauma and issues between them. But in this verse I chickened out and gave y’all the soft version. But I’m like 5 steps away from writing a ship manifesto for these 2.

I decided to post this commentary here rather than in the author’s note section on ao3 because I have too many feelings, too much to say, and it would probably constitute as cruel & unusual punishment if I subjected people to this without any warning whatsoever. (Can you imagine reading a fic and the author’s commentary is just as long as the fic itself? I’m obviously not going to blaze this trail, but if this becomes the norm, I would be so excited because I love seeing how different everyone’s writing process is!)

Anyway, enough of my infodump exposition, here are my actual comments on the content of the fic!

The title of the fic is from 12345sex by Upsahl because when I was initially writing this, I listened to a lot of her music. I am halfway certain I have a playlist for this fic/verse laying around somewhere, but I am not organized on the very best of days so idk where it is. If I do find it, I would be more than happy to publish it.

I could have titled this story after Moment for life by Nicki Minaj, to really fit the theme, but I didn’t. Because by the time the idea occurred to me, I was already attached to the current title. And also, Nicki’s whole thing.

This story/verse was initially titled: ‘pretty fly for 2 dope guys’ after the offspring song and because when I started planning it, it had a very differnt vibe. At one point, I seriously considered titling it “Kiss, Kiss, Stab” so make of that what you will.

Anyway, here are the most memorable lines of this story for me.

Jin Ling is trying to be less dramatic than the adults who raised him, but given half the chance, he would push everyone on his list down the very long Koi Tower stairs.

Writing this line was kind of fun because immediately after I finished typing it, I kinda did a little villain cackle because I’m assuming that Jin Ling doesn’t know how cruelly ironic this statement is.

His name on Nie Huaisang’s lips becomes an achingly beautiful sound; the chirping of birds in spring lifting his mood, the rushing of lakes in summertime cooling him to bearability, the rustling of autumn leaves granting him a small moment of private reprieve, a winter hearth crackling and bringing warmth to his bones.

Ok so i actually had to google autumn sounds cause I don’t experience that, but everything else was courtesy of my reading experiences. Additionally, I’m 93% sure that ‘bearability’ isn’t an actual word, but fanfiction is meant to be transformative, so I am absolutely going to stretch my artistic license in this one instance.

Speaking of which, if anyone can recommend autumn themed texts (movies, tv shows, books, music, video game walkthroughs) I would be more than happy to experience them! I don’t think I’ve consumed enough autumn centric media. As long as there is either an English or French translation, I’ll be able to understand it.

Anyway, this is more like a mini journal for my own edification and archiving purposes, but if you actually made it this far, that’s kind of amazing! And thank you for your attention, I hope you have a nice day.

#nie huaisang #jin ling #mdzs fanfiction #mdzs #the untamed #sangling verse #author's commentary #i never change except in my affections

1 note · View note

fansids · 2 years

Text

GUESS WHO WATCHED SONIC THE HEDGEHOG 2 YESTERDAY!!

Spoilers below cause I gotta talk about it like now (and honestly spoilers on this blog in general for the future):

KNUCKLES MY ABSOLUTE BELOVED. THIS ECHIDNA HAS MY HEART AND SOUL!! BEST CHARACTER HANDS DOWN I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!

I love how they didn't make him dumb in the movie, just naïve and understandably ignorant. He is a teenager on a strange planet with very different technology than he's used to. His whole characterization is lovely and he lives rent free in my brain. I've never wanted to hug a character more in this franchise.

I am so glad I live in a world where I can say Idris Elba did an amazing job voicing Knuckles the Echidna.

Idris Elba did an amazing job voicing Knuckles the Echidna! He can make you feel "Oh shit Knuckles is here it's about to go down" to "Aww Knuckles you're so adorable." He was hilarious too!

"You think these machines are a match for me?! I SHATTER THEM LIKE THE BONES OF A- oh, they are stairs."

LMAAAAOOOO

I saw the betrayal coming like 100 miles away, but it still hurt. "I thought you were my friend!" Bro... that gives me so many thoughts. Sonic at least didn't consider Tom a friend until he knew it was mutual, but Knuckles has known this man for maybe 2 days and assumes they're friends when Robotnik treated him neutrally at best and condescendingly at worst. Like how lonely is he my heart is fucking breaking someone hug him please-

And the way he realizes him and Sonic are similar on the mountain and was ready to give him a chance had Tails not come, like I love him so much.

RACHEL MY OTHER BELOVED AND SECOND FAVORITE CHARACTER!!

I am so happy she got her happy ending, I didn't really appreciate how poorly she was treated in the last movie. Her entire story was a movie in itself compressed into like ten minutes. I don't see enough people talking about her because she was honestly like the best thing about the movie.

I've been saying that Stone and Robotnik were boyfriends in a toxic relationship and I'm so glad the movie agreed with me!

And TAILS, they gave this literal 8 year old a fucking gun. A GUN. I LOVE IT YESS GO FERAL YOU FUNKY LITTLE FOX!

Bro Tom and Maddie just being parents I just....Dude I love that little family so fucking much my guys.

SONIC GOING SUPER SONIC LOVED IT YESS KILL KILL MURDER MURDER!!

THE SCENE WHERE TAILS PUTS HIS TAILS OVER SONIC.

The baseball ending bro... I don't cry during movies, but that hit me right in the feels. The first real show of Sonic's lonliness in the previous movie that lead to the family he has now. And big bro Knuckles getting rightfully excited about his homerun and putting Tails on his shoulders.

Also, that mid-credits scene....YO THAT MID-CREDITS SCENE. THE EDGEHOG IS COMING

#sonic movie spoilers #sonic movie 2 spoilers #sonic the hedgehog #sonic movie 2 #knuckles the echidna #tails the fox #tom wachowski #maddie wachowski #I liked Jim Carrey as Robotnik in the previous movie #but he was waaayyy too much in this one. It was very obnoxious most of the time.#Tails is cute...and a stalker. I really think we should talk more about that. That conversation was played for laughs #but it was really creepy.

129 notes · View notes

smutbymia · 3 years

Note

Would you write try to write a Johnny x reader x Mark where she's Johnny's girlfriend and he has nipple sucking kink? Something like she's asleep and starts to wake up when she felt someone suckling on her nipple and she's thought it was Johnny, so she let he keep suckling and rans her fingers into his hair for some time but when she opened her eyes, she saw Mark sucking on her nipples while Johnny is watching them?

For mark, there were a lot of positives and negatives when it came to being Johnny’s roommate. The best part about being Johnny’s roommate was the fact that his parents had gifted him the apartment and so rent was mere pennies in comparison to other places in the area. The worst part was that because the apartment was technically still Johnny’s, the dude had almost no boundaries.

Mark was used to it for the most part. He had walked in on many steamy make out sessions his roommate was in the middle of. He’d seen it all — almost. Kissing, groping, even some undressing. He’d usually just tip toe to his room and try to act like he never witnessed a thing but this time was a bit different. You and Johnny had been dating for a few months now and things seemed to be different with you.

You had all gone to school together and so Johnny seemed to be a bit more cautious about fooling around in Marks presence. And since you were a year older than Mark, he had always had a certain level of respect for you as his senior who had tutored him here and there throughout the years. Overall he approved. You were smart, kind, and so pretty that he would even get flustered around you sometimes. Johnny would often tease him about it after you left the apartment.

He was a bit shocked when you and Johnny had started dating but seeing you together made him realize that it was a combination that simply made sense. You and Johnny had always been friends and when romance started to blossom the both of you bravely fell into a relationship that was going well so far.

Mark was halfway out of the door one afternoon when he got a text from Jaemin telling him that class was cancelled and inviting him to come hang out at his dorm. Of course Mark would have loved to accept but truthfuly he was way behind with his schoolwork and so he declined politely and instead marched right back into his room, hoping to make good use of the rest of his afternoon and night by being productive.

A few hours later he heard you and Johnny arrive in the apartment. He had been meaning to come out and say hello since he first heard the familiar sound of keys shaking in the lock of their front door, but he was so caught up in his work after finally making a breakthrough with his studying. He shoved his headphones over his head and continued scribbling math formulas across the pages of his notebook, falling into a trance-like state.

When Mark finally snapped out of it about an hour had passed. He slipped his headphones off his head and was met with silence. He shrugged to himself figuring you had both left and headed out of his room. He could hear the faint sound of a movie playing on the living room television as he approached the kitchen. When he arrived, he was shocked at the scene playing out in front of him. A bowl of popcorn rested on the counter next to you. You were seated on top of the counter with Johnny standing between your legs.

Johnny had been his typical handsy self all evening but when you both went to get popcorn from the kitchen he had playfully lifted you up onto the counter and had pushed your shirt up to your chest to capture your nipples between his fingers before pulling one into his mouth and suckling. He swirled his tongue around the sensitive buds as he alternated between each one before settling on one after awhile and humming against your skin. Your head fell backwards against the cupboards and your eyes fell shut momentarily, enjoying the way his mouth felt all over your body.

Mark couldn’t believe his eyes. Sure, he knew Johnny had a thing for boobs and had seen him grope numerous different sets of them over the years on their living room couch but he had never seen his friend so consumed by a particular task the way he seemed to be consumed by the act of suckling your nipples. And your tits. Wow they were beautiful. The way you softly groaned whenever Johnny would stick his tongue out and —-

Shit! Shit, shit, shit. Your eyes fluttered open and met Marks. He seemed to be so caught up in the moment that it took him a moment to realize he looked just a tad creepy standing there and watching until he saw the expression on your face go from totally blissed out to totally panicked. Johnny was oblivious and reached up to massage at your free breast as he continued sucking, increasing the intensity of his mouth and pulling a loud moan from your lips. You swatted at his shoulder, and he released your nipple with a pop from his mouth as you frantically pulled down your shirt.

“N-noona, I — uh,” Mark stuttered. He backed out of the kitchen looking embarrassed and turning slightly red. Johnny turned to Mark at the sound of his voice.

“Oh,” he said nonchalantly when he realized why you had made him stop.

“S-sorry, I wasn’t — I mean I didn’t mean to.. I’m g-gonna go back to.. my..,” Mark said as he clumsily grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and all but ran back down the hall to his room before shutting the door behind him and resting his back against it.

“Fuck,” he sighed to himself. He was beating himself up for being so ridiculous. He shut his eyes, feeling exasperated. But of course the first thing that popped into his mind was the image of you with your legs spread and chest rising and falling as johnny massaged your breasts.

Mark groaned again before opening his eyes and shaking his head. He walked further into his room and froze when he caught his reflection in his floor length mirror. Luckily it wasn’t obvious, but he was certainly very aware of the bulge rising in his jeans.

“Aw, dang...” he complained as he reached down to palm himself through them. He rushed back to his door, opening it just a crack and listening intently. He could hear you and Johnny casually mumbling about the movie. He closed the door softly and flicked his lights off before crawling into his bed, feeling very ashamed of what he was about to do next.

You were seated in the living room trying to focus on the film but felt uneasy. You snuggled up to Johnny’s side before you tilting your head up to look at him. Johnny was watching the movie like it was the best thing he had ever seen. You watched as his eyes crinkled at the sides when something on screen made him laugh.

You nudged him. “Are you sure we shouldn’t check on him, I mean I feel really bad!” you said. Johnny was slightly caught off guard by the sudden statement.

“No it’s fine, trust me,” he said before diverting his attention back to the screen. A few minutes passed before you spoke again.

“But he looked so flustered. He was turning red almost. I think he must have been really uncomfortable!” you said with a look of concern on your face.

“Yeah I’m sure he was uncomfortable alright. He’s probably beating his dick as we speak,” Johnny joked as he put some popcorn into his mouth.

“Stop, Mark is a sweet kid—“ you began.

“Kid? You guys are barely even a year apart,” Johnny laughed before turning his head to you and pulling you in for a kiss.

“Still,” you began as you snuggled back into Johnny’s side, “I can’t stop thinking about it.” Something in Johnny’s brain clicked.

“Festinger’s theory of cognitive dissonance,” he exclaimed. You furrowed your brow in response. Johnny did this sometimes. He was a psychology major after all.

“Huh?” you mumbled.

“It’s a theory that explores the inner conflict people experience when their thoughts, beliefs, and actions aren’t in alignment with each other ,” Johnny muttered as he slid his hand under your shirt and along your skin. He squeezed softly at your chest before dragging his fingers back and forth across your nipples.

You moaned softly. “I’m not following,” you confessed, still unsure what the theory had to do with you wanting to apologize to Mark.

Johnny giggled as he tugged at your nipples and watched your back arch away from both him and the couch.

“You view Mark as some sort of kid in comparison to you,” he began. “Maybe it’s because he’s inexperienced, or quiet, or a bit awkward around you cause he thinks you’re pretty,” he continued as he played with your body like a toy. You moaned softly under his touch. The movie was long forgotten to you but Johnny still had his eyes fixed on the screen.

“You guys are closer in age than we are but you both act like you aren’t. And so, you’re experiencing inner conflict,” he finished.

“W-why would that make me feel conflicted?” you said through breathy moans.

“Before I can answer that question, you have to answer mine first,” he said, sprinkling kisses along your neck. You let out a soft groan in response, urging him to ask whatever it was that he wanted to. You weren’t ready for the next words that left his mouth.

“Did my baby enjoy it? Making another baby flustered?” he said in a low whisper.

You gasped as you felt electricity shoot through your body. Johnny laughed. He didn’t need an answer. He knew very well that something inside of you must have been unlocked.

If he wasn’t so confident and comfortable in your relationship he may have been a little jealous but hey, he was a psychology student after all. Human behaviour was very interesting to observe and he had a theory of his own he wanted to test.

Mark was fresh out of the shower and laying in bed when there was a knock at his door. You had already left the apartment but he still felt a bit weird about facing Johnny so Mark had stayed in his room.

“I ordered pizza!” Johnny yelled from behind the door. He didn’t wait for mark to respond before he walked off to go dig in.

Mark hesitated as he got up from his bed. He was starving, though. Which is what led him to that kitchen in the first place. The images flashed across Marks mind again. It would have been enough to turn him on all over again but he already came twice since he walked in on the both of you a few hours ago.

The first time was when he rushed back to his room. He sat up on his bed and shoved the corner of his pillow in his mouth to muffle his own moans as he jerked at his length over and over again with the image of your tits and blissed out expression in his mind. He sat there quietly, spilling all over himself and his bed sheets as his hips bucked uncontrollably in his dark room.

The second time was in the shower where he routinely jerked off. He finally felt empty enough after and much more clear headed.

He was feeling guilty as hell but that didn’t stop him from marching towards the smell of pizza. He figured It would be okay since you weren’t around. And it was at first.

“Y/n was totally freaked,” Johnny exclaimed, chuckling to himself. The two boys were watching some sort of basketball game on TV. Mark almost choked after hearing Johnny’s words.

“Shit, I wanted to apologize but I just—“ he started.

“She liked it,” Johnny interrupted. He glanced over at Mark, mischief in his eyes as he munched on a slice. Mark froze.

“Wait what?” he asked, baffled. Johnny broke out into laughter.

“H-hyung, stop teasing me. I already feel guilty,” Mark said. Johnny was still laughing when he dropped the remainder of his slice of pizza back into the box.

He dusted off his hands and rested one on Marks shoulder.

“Hyungs not teasing you,” he said, softly mocking Mark and speaking in the third person.

“She totally freaked because she liked it. Looks like the crush you have on my girlfriend isn’t one sided after all,” he said. Marks eyes went wide.

“D-dude? I’m really sorry I swear I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to come between you guys or anything I just-“ Mark started rambling apologetically.

“No offence but I don’t think you could steal her from me, even if you tried” Johnny joked before continuing, “but if you’re really sorry you’ll help me with something”.

“Something that I think you’ll have a lot of fun doing. Just be ready. I hope you aren’t a heavy sleeper,” he finished. Mark felt nervous. He had no idea what Johnny was getting at.

A few days had passed and Mark had succesfully avoided you. Whenever you were back at the apartment with Johnny, he was either in class or out with friends. Honestly, you were a bit nervous after everything that happened. Johnny had uncovered something that you had no idea was even a thought in your head. You felt a bit guilty but he seemed to take it really well. Almost too well.

Everything was normal between you two. You were staying the night like you often did when you felt the familiar feeling of Johnny playing with the hem of your shirt. You always wore loose clothing around him for this very reason. You were very used to him taking a nipple of yours into his mouth in the middle of the night whenever you were cuddled up next to him in bed.

Your eyes fluttered as you fumbled around with the shirt before feeling Johnny’s mouth meet your chest. He dropped a few kitten licks across your nipples, making your core heat up.

You groaned, roping your hands into his hair and pulling him against your breast, making him latch his entire mouth to your sensitive bud. You moaned softly.

“More... I need more,” you whined. You gripped tighter at his hair when you heard a high pitched mewl escape from the lips of whoever the fuck was attached to your chest because you knew straight away that wasn’t a sound that could ever leave Johnny’s mouth.

Your eyes flew open, first settling on Johnny’s figure at the end of your bed. He had his hand buried in his sweatpants and was stroking at his length with his bottom lip trapped between his teeth. You gasped as you looked down to see Mark. His soft lips rubbed against your skin. His eyes sparkling eyes fluttered open and met yours as he moaned softly again.

“Noona, Johnny made me—“ he tried to say with his mouth still attached to your nipple. The humming of his voice made your head spin as it sent shockwaves through your body. You shook slightly before letting Marks name slip from your lips. The sound alone made him harden in his pants. Johnny got closer, until his mouth was latched against your other nipple and your head fell back against the pillows on his bed as both boys snuggled against you.

You felt tugging at your shorts. Johnny was trying to get them off. You lifted your hips in response as you felt him drag the material down to your thighs before giving up. Your panties followed and soon you could feel his fingers circle around you clit achingly slow, winding you up. You circled your hips to meet every movement of his hand as you felt wetness pool between your legs.

After a few minutes of painful teasing, you felt johnny release your nipple from his mouth and then Mark. The boys whispered between each other as Johnny continued to keep you distracted by making his fingers run through your folds, gathering your juices.

You watched as he lifted his fingers towards Marks lips. The boy hesitated briefly before letting his mouth fall open and wrapping his lips around Johnny’s fingers and sucking them clean.

You groaned as you watched the boys together, bonding over their desire to please you.

“Touch her,” Johnny mumbled as he slipped his fingers back out of marks mouth to continue circling at your clit. You felt marks fingers prod softly at your hole before he let them glide into your entrance, rubbing your insides in all the right places. It didn’t take long before both boys had overstimulated you. With Johnny’s fingers picking up speed on your clit, and marks fingers hitting your g-spot while the both of them assaulted your nipples, your orgasm came crashing through your body. Their names spilled from your mouth.

As you came down from your high, Johnny’s lips met yours in a passionate kiss. Mark was still suckling softly at your nipple, eyes closed, in a state of relaxation.

“Look at him,” Johnny whispered against your lips. “I think he’s falling asleep and he hasn’t even cum yet,” you said. You nudged mark awake as his eyes fluttered open.

“Mark, are you okay?” you asked sweetly. The boy looked up at you as if you were everything to him — with stars in his eyes. He nodded. Johnny pulled at his chin, guiding him until mark hovered in front of your face. He froze, somehow feeling nervous.

You bridged the gap quickly, pulling him towards you and capturing his mouth in a soft kiss. As expected, Mark was polite and respectful towards both you and Johnny. He relied on you to make the first move and control the pace. You begged for access to his mouth, letting your tongue softly brush against his as you felt him melt into your touch.

Johnny was asleep, mouth still on your nipple when you pulled away from Mark.

“Does he always fall asleep like that?” Mark asked in wonder as he looked down at his hyung resting so peacefully against your naked chest.

You nodded. Mark yawned and moved to get out of bed but you pulled him into you as well.

“Don’t leave,” you cooed. You watched him turn softer as he shrunk into your side, closing his eyes and going back to swirling his tongue around your nipple. You roped your fingers through his hair the way you knew he liked. He was definitely about to have the best sleep of his life.

#kinda short blurb here #nct 127 imagines #nct 127 smut #nct smut #nct127 #nct imagine #mark lee #johnny suh #nct johnny scenarios #nct johnny hard hours #nct johnny smut #mark lee fanfic #mark lee smut #mark lee fanfiction #johnny smut #superm smut #nct hard hours

841 notes · View notes

eskel-loves-lilbleater · 2 years

Note

You're very quiet. You good? Have you seen the new season?

Hey nony! Thank for checking in! 💜 Really appreciate it.

Sorry if I’ve been quiet, it’s a busy time of year and my brain has been all over the place. I’m just getting ready to load up the queue to hopefully get me through to the new year.

Yes, I have seen the new season, I binged it in one day and have been processing it since. Didn’t want to say too much right away to give people time to see it themselves, cause….spoilers.

Looking at some of the stuff popping up on Tumblr, I get the feeling that my thoughts on the season are going to be a bit different from the majority, but I’ll lay them out anyway and my reasons why.

To begin with, I enjoyed the season, It wasn’t quite what I was expecting, didn’t go the places with the story that I thought it would, but I generally liked it. There were some definite high points, most of them involving Lambert or Jaskier, and some less favourable parts but I generally enjoyed it.

Heres some boiled down points, I will do my best to not spoil directly:

1) I love Paul Bullion as Lambert, I thought he did a great job and his interactions with Coen was amazing. The Lambchop thing KILLED me! I want the Lambert and Coen show. I was glad to see him being very Lambert and not having swapped personalities with anyone. He was sarcastic and acerbic and fun. And he showed little signs of being genuinely nice under the bristles, which was perfect.

~1A) Just a side note that there are three Lamberts that live rent free in my brain. Game Lambert, Netflix Lambert and an ever evolving fandom hybrid which often looks like game!Lambert hiding the fact he’s actually a ginger, because I love that and I love stories about Aiden accidentally finding out. That or he looks like Sayuri’s young lambert :)

2) Jaskier. I liked seeing some changes and maturity to Jaskier, I loved his slightly dark arc but the spots of him still being this ridiculous, bright spark. I was very appreciative of THAT scene, so thank you Joey for your hard work. The interactions with Yen were divine, a level of enemies to friends that was just glorious. And I want a reel of just ALL the outtakes. And yes, I am one of those that prefers Jaskier to Dandelion. I really like the Polish Dandelion and his relationship with Geralt, but I prefer Jaskier for a whole host of reasons.

3) Yennefer. I liked seeing what she had to go through, I think it will show more growth for the character and I loved seeing her still pretty badass. She has things to deal with and that’ll be cool to see. Seeing an Istredd and Geralt interaction that WASN’T centred around Yen, was really nice. And I don’t love the parts of book or game Yen where she is just an outright bitch to Geralt. I’m hoping they lose that and, so far, it looks like its going that way.

4) Cahir. Oooh, he’s going to be interesting. We thought he’d hit bottom but I think that’s still coming and it will be fun to watch. People complaining about the reveal at the end being too soon, I didn’t see any reason to keep hiding it since it was pretty much a non secret.

5) Elves. I’m open to seeing where that’s going, I liked seeing more of Filivandrel, but I don’t care deeply for them. I will just watch and see.

6) Ciri. Funny enough, I have very little strong interest in Ciri. I KNOW she’s like the whole point of a lot of this and Freya is doing a fantastic job depicting her, I don’t dislike the character, I just don’t have a love for her that others do. The closest I get is the (vain) hope of seeing more interaction between her and Avallac’h outside book!verse, after W3 time wise maybe.

(Checks notes to see if there is anything else before tackling the BIG ONE)

7) Eskel. So, I can see that fandom has A LOT of feelings about this topic. I….don’t? Let me explain why.

I’m looking at this whole thing from two combined viewpoints.

The first is that I know that no adaptation will ever match the beloved version of Eskel in my head. That’s a literal impossibility. Game Eskel is the closest and even he only makes up part of it. Being in fandom, especially BOOK fandom of various sorts, for so long means that I have learned the valuable lesson to find the things I love in each adaptation and just let the rest ride. Don’t get too hung up on it, that road leads to stress and madness. Yes, I still get disappointed by things but I just face it, deal with it and move on. No adaptation will ever quite match and they don’t change the original or the source material…I can always go back to that if I prefer. Netflix is obviously creating their own variation of the Witcher world, putting their own stamp on it while using the books as a bouncing off point. At the moment, I am here for that and just enjoying the ride.

The second is that Netflix Eskel was NEVER going to be my Eskel, not even close, and I dealt with that ages ago. So I went in not expecting to get attached and I didn’t and so I’m not overly affected by what happened. I think, had they gone with more of what we saw in the flash back, I would have found more to love in this version but I’m not adversely affected in the long run. (I guess I’m a bit sad to miss out on at least seeing more of THAT version, he seemed fun.)

Reasons:

7A) Basil is a lovely actor and I have no issues with him, though I know almost none of his work, but he was too young and too “delicate” from the get go for me. He’s a youngling and I wish he’d had the chance at another character that he could really put his stamp on. Thue would have been slightly better, more age appropriate for one thing, but who knows how that would have gone. We will never know.

7B) I normally avoid leaks and spoilers like the plague that they are but THAT leak was important and it made it into my feed multiple times. I was braced for it, so to speak. And it was always going to be that way as we have Lauren saying that season 2 was written before 1 even screened and images of Thue being fitted up for a body casting. Do I love it? Of course not, I feel its a bit of a waste of a character that could have been better used even if he was never the version I wanted to see and I feel for those that are having strong feelings about the whole thing. I just refuse to let myself get tied in knots over it.

(My head is already building a palace where Lambchop and Coen bounce off each other like ping pong balls and tell each other bad jokes all day lol)

Note: I made a post a while back about pronunciation of Eskel’s name and it’s funny because it is still Es-kel when I’m thinking of the character in general but the Netflix version is Eskl. Talk about compartmentalising! Thanks brain, you weirdo.

I think the part that saddened me the most was actually very story appropriate and that’s the loss of the other Witchers, the slowly reducing number. That part is heartbreaking, as I would happily just watch hours of normal daily life of a full Witcher keep. I live for Inexplicifics’ Accidental Warlord verse and all of it’s inspired offshoots.

So, that’s me. Sorry it’s so long. And I should have stuff posting again shortly. ☺️

#eskel #the witcher #witcher eskel #witcher #wiedzmin #eskel witcher #witcher 3 #princess cirilla #ciri witcher #yennefer #jaskier #geralt witcher #twn #the witcher netflix #witcher season 2 #witcher season 2 spoilers #season 2 thoughts #answered asks

22 notes · View notes

samwontshare · 3 years

Text

Another scene that lives rent free in my mind.

There’s just so much happening here to unpack.

1) Bucky’s emerging memories are likely unreliable bc they imply he was brought directly to Zola but Zola was captured by the Howling Commandos. Zola was, however, the original person who experimented on him and did so later so it’s not surprising he would fill in Zola’s face for miscellaneous techs or soldiers. This goes to show how disoriented Bucky would’ve been after he first escapes HYDRA. Not only are his memories emerging, they’re not in a clear chronological order. Some of the details are wrong. They come in flashes without context. Time skips forward. How the hell Bucky was able to function AT ALL is beyond me but those two years pre Civil War must’ve been dark af.

2) Bucky dissociates. This was probably a recurring problem immediately post HYDRA.

3) Judging by the number of armed guards with Bucky while repairs are being done to his arm, they’ve had trouble with Bucky’s behavior before.

4) It’s unclear what Bucky feels related to his arm. Clearly not pain but also tactile enough to function. Why was removing his shirt necessary? His arm is already uncovered in his tactical gear................. assessing other damage? Being creepy?

5) What’s that IV for? Hydration?

6) This scene really reinforces how hard it was for HYDRA to actually control Bucky. It clearly wasn’t just seeing Steve that caused problems. Being out of cryofreeze too long seems to diminish their control. Using ECT repeatedly seems to be the only way to ensure his serum brain doesn’t start to draw new connections. The trigger words end up as the failsafe method of control but seem to wear off after time. (We see that in CW when Bucky wakes up himself after being triggered - was it time elapsed, that he was KO’d?) It’s also unclear what Pierce meant when he said “prep him” and the tech said he was unfrozen too long.

7) Bucky is used to physical abuse from HYDRA. He doesn’t bat an eye when Pierce backhands him. The techs don’t ask him to sit back, they physically maneuver him. We see that again in CW post cryo. Bucky’s body really isn’t his own.

8) Despite all the methods to control him, Pierce still feeds Bucky HYDRA propaganda. We really don’t get an idea how much awareness Bucky has when he’s under. It’s also interesting he says “bridge” and not “overpass” or “freeway.” He clearly has enough awareness that they really sell him the party line and try to convince him he’s doing noble work. He even looks ashamed or dejected when Pierce says “if you don’t do your job, I can’t do mine.” And his objection to killing Steve isn’t that killing is wrong, it’s that he knows Steve personally. HYDRA clearly invested time in other ways to desensitizing Bucky to murder.

9) Even Rumlow looks a little queasy at Bucky’s torture.

10) While Bucky looks terrified of the wipe and seems to know what it means, he doesn’t yet have enough freedom to resist. It later takes everything he has to not kill Steve (Bucky definitely pulled his shots on the helicarrier). This is why I think Bucky 100% tried to go back to HYDRA after pulling Steve from the river but no one was there.

11) it’s super unclear why Pierce couldn’t just use the code words on Bucky after he’s “been out of cryofreeze too long” when Zemo had zero problems activating the Winter Soldier two years later.

#bucky barnes #ca: civil war #ca:ws #tfatws #meta I’m 7 years late for #cw scars #cw violence #cw torture

133 notes · View notes

ihni · 3 years

Text

Harringrove Feedback Fest: Ihni recs FICS (WIPs):

DON’T LET THE TITLE SCARE YOU AWAY. WIPs are nothing to fear; in fact following a story can be a MARVELOUS thing. All the anticipation, the butterflies in one’s stomach, the absolute JOY when you see that one of your favorites has been updated ...! It’s a glorious feeling.

For this list, I’m reccing fics that are still being written. Works in Progress. And as EVERY author knows, feedback makes us THRIVE, so go and give them a read (and some love!).

***

First up is Second Thoughts by @callieb, because I just read the latest chapter this morning (it’s back on a semi-regular update schedule, and it’s SO SO good and I love it so much! The boys have to work together reading Jane Austen right after the night at the Byers’, and we get to follow them on the road to forgiveness, friendship and ... well. Maybe more :p Let’s see what the future holds. OH, and also also ALSO, Operation: Child Endangerment, which is a fic where Billy joins the Scoops Troop down under the mall. It was written from my prompt, I’m proud to say, and I am very very very excited about it (and don’t worry @callieb, no rush, I just LOVE it but I’ll wait for YEARS, idc!)

As everyone who has ever read their stuff knows, @platypanthewriter is an absolute MACHINE when it comes to writing (they wrote 84K for the April prompts!!), and their story Strangest is a BEAST - but one that I love dearly! Misunderstandings, broken boys getting better, and angst with a happy ending. (Or at least I’m HOPING for a happy ending, what with it being ONE CHAPTER FROM FINISHED now!). Don’t let the word count scare you away - it’s 184K of greatness so far!

Some absolutely GORGEOUS writing can be found in @raquelobo3‘s The Monster at the End of This Book. I’m not kidding, I read ONE CHAPTER and the words wormed their way into my heart and into my brain and I gasped out loud and was SO IN LOVE with the writing, that I hit subscribe. Just, trust me on this one guys. Give it a read.

One of my favorite stories ever is Words Left Unsaid by @lemonlovely. I have been following it for years, and I love it so much. Every chapter is a gift, ever update a cause for celebration. Lemonlovely has the ability to sneak in details into their writing that makes me gasp (and then google). Just, they create a special kind of atmosphere with their words, and I cannot recommend it enough. (And since we’re talking fics by Lemonlovely, I also have to rec Where is my mind, where Steve gets amnesia after the night when they closed the gate, and basically only remembers Billy ... only he thinks they’re friends!)

Speaking of amnesia fics ... pretty boy + blue by @gideongrace is AMAZING so far, and I have inside information that says it’s gonna CONTINUE to be amazing, too! It ALSO has Steve with amnesia ... but this one is the opposite of the last one, in that they’re already together when Steve forgets ... and he doesn’t remember Billy as anything but a bully. ANGST AHOY (sign me the FUCK up!).

A Love I Can Never Have by ExTeenageDirtbag is one of those fics that live rent-free in my brain, and I cannot let go of it. Four chapters that absolutely DREW ME IN, with Upside Down shenanigans with the whole crew and deliciously outcasted (yes, now it’s a verb) Billy. Some scenes from this are BURNED ONTO MY RETINAS and I seriously, for real, would dance of joy if it got updated. And even though it’s a WIP, I still go back and re-read it at times. Because it’s just that compelling.

@laveracevia wrote Who’s Gonna Drive You Home? and it has hurt/comfort and boys SLOWLY (very slowly) getting closer, and secrets spilling out and being snowed in, and cold and hurt boys and just - so much that I absolutely love. (Come to think of it ... I think it’s due for a re-read ...)

The Parent Escape by @little-werewolf-oven is ... such a goddamn GREAT fic premise! I have been known to re-read this at times when I need something good and familiar. Basically Billy has an unknown twin brother named Jason, and they meet at juvie camp. Jason is curious about his real dad, Billy’s excited about a chance to NOT have to be with his real dad for a while ... so they switch places. It’s great! Read it.

The next rec, I wanna preface it ... pref... uh, START, by saying that I am usually not a big fan of a/b/o? Like, I am a casual a/b/o reader, at best. But there are some works out there that lures me into this trope and is slowly winning me over, and one of those is Here I Go Again by the uncomparable @heck-in-a-handbasket. Billy as an Alpha who’s a single caretaker of Max, and then Steve, who’s an (outcast) nanny omega who don’t need no man (but who maybe wants one anyway). Okay so my description of it is shit, but I love this story and highly recommend it.

There’s something very interesting about a Billy who finds alternate means to get some cash, and dulcepericulum (keziahrain) is writing this story Don’t let me in, I don’t know what I’d do which deals with Steve finding out about that. I am very into it and always am happy to see an update!

@cherrydreamer is one of the best people around, and so far I have loved everything by them I have read. I’m gonna have to hurry and rec Fill the Empty Spaces, since it’s just one measly chapter away from being finished. It still counts as a WIP though! And it’s just so ... delicious! The boys are written perfectly, there’s COOKING and the QUARRY and the KIDS and D’n’D ...! Just, do yourselves a favor here. Read this. (And leave it some love!). (Oh, and if you’re like me and can’t resist a birthday fic, don’t miss out on their Blow Out the Candles of your Cake (They Will Not Leave You in the Dark))

How Near You Stand To Me by @boudoirwriter is FANTASTIC and PAINFUL and SO SO GOOD. Like, this is a kind of fic that I get so exited about when it updates, but then I have to psych myself up to reading it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s absolutely fantastic. It just deals with heavy topics. And if you’re up for it, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s just ... wow.

And okay, listen. Simple Man by @straight-outta-hobbiton is probably the reason why I have like ten books of self-sufficiency and prepping currently in my bookcase. Billy finds a cabin in the woods, and ... moves in. And gets, like, chickens and stuff. Learns how to survive off the land. It’s good for him, it’s good for me, it’s good for everyone. It doesn’t have to be complete to be absolute greatness.

In the mood for a time loop? Great, because unstuckintime is writing over and over again where Steve is stuck in a time loop, immidiately after Starcourt. Mmmm delicious.

And the last one here DOES count as a WIP even though it technically hasn’t been posted on AO3 yet (but I’m already following @gravegroves on there, in anticipation of whatever will be posted!), but this snippet of an AU where Neil is the Mindflayer gripped me by the heartstrings and pulled, and now I’m eagerly awaiting more of it. (More of ALL their writing, really, since everything they’ve posted so far has been *chef’s kiss*)

***

That’s gonna have to be all for today. You can find my other recs for the Harringrove Feedback Fest here.

#ihnirecsforthefeedbackfest #harringrove feedback fest #fic recs #fic rec #harringrove fic #wips #don't be a pussy and shy away from the wips though!!#they're well worth a read #just like a sketch is an artwork in itself

75 notes · View notes

youalexturnermeon · 3 years

Text

Warm Beer and Cold Women (Johnny Lawrence x Reader)

Request: Hi! I absolutely love your work and I was wondering if I could get a Cobra Kai Johnny imagine where the reader is a bartender and starts crushing on him since he’s a regular and he flirts with her all the time and she pretends to hate it but she actually loves it? by Anon

A/N: Again, Johnny Lawrence x Reader and again it’s gonna be multiple parts (ONLY IF YOU WANT ME TO) because I just can’t keep it short

Warnings: badass reader, drinking, swearing

Wordcount: 1589

“Look, (Y/N), your boyfriend’s back.”

You heard that sentence almost every day during your late shift. Everyday, for about a month now. Jenny, your college at the half empty bar never held herself back. Just like right at the moment when she said that with a grin as you two stood behind the counter and polished glasses to look busy.

You rolled your eyes, “He’s not my boyfriend!” You insisted on it every night as well.

“Your loss, he’s kinda hot”. And Jenny’s answer was also the same every time. This conversation always felt like a déjà-vu, except that it literally happened to you every damn night you had to work. You let out a deep sigh trying to focus on the empty glass in one of your hands and the dirty cloth in the other. Yet you couldn’t help yourself to take a peek at the man who just arrived and took his regular seat at the end of the bar counter. He came here every day and he never made a secret out of doing it just because of his favourite barkeeper – you. He was indeed hot; you thought every time. Although he probably was in his late 40s or maybe even early 50s and looked like he’d seen some shit in his life, he was damn attractive, he had a full head of blonde hair, the bluest eyes you have ever witnessed on a person and he was more athletic than most men your age. You caught yourself hungrily eyeing his toned body, muscles almost popping through the tight black shirt he was wearing.

“Hey gorgeous,” he called over to you when he noticed your glance. And the biggest and brightest smile appeared on his lips. “Hi, Johnny.” you greeted him back, trying to sound the most disinterested and lazily walked over to him.

“Who do I have to screw to get a beer around here?”

You rolled your eyes again, supressing a stupid grin. You almost allowed your brain to picture an image of you two in the men’s bathroom. You pulled yourself together and shook this indecent thought off.

“Most certainly not me.”

“Well, that’s too bad.”

“But if you want me to,” you gestured with your thumb to the door, ‘staff’ written on it, behind you, “I can go fetch Kenny, he won’t say no to that. It’ll get you at least 2 free drinks, I think.”

Kenny was a big old biker, with long grey hair and a long grey beard, dressed in leather from head to toe, who owned the shabby bar you worked in. He also looked quite scary if one didn’t know him. Johnny’s smile twitched into a disgusted grimace. And you laughed from planting the thought of Johnny screwing Kenny inside his head. He didn’t like him very much.

“If you weren’t the hottest chick I have seen in my whole life, I would’ve called you a stupid bitch of a barkeeper and left you without any tip. But your pretty face and your great ass saves you all the time, huh?”

“Yes, Johnny,” you replied sarcastically “this has brought me very far in live, after all I’m a respectable barkeeper in not the shabbiest bar of Reseda but quite close to it, renting a luxury 1-bedroom apartment next to the most famous meth-head on the block for much more than it’s worth. Are you having the usual?” Johnny nodded, and you went off to get him his beer and whisky. Sometimes it was hard for you to be so mean to him, he was the only man on earth who showered you with complements all the time, not giving up flirting with you no matter what you said. But after all, he was still a local drunk hitting on a barkeeper. There was a lot of those, you had a few of them every night and Jenny even more. The only thing different about Johnny was that he was very good-looking and the most persistent of them all.

Jenny winked at you as you drew a beer from the tap system and poured the cheap brown liquid into a shot glass.

“How’s the love life going?”

“Fuck off, Jenny!”, you grunted and made your way back to the regular. You placed his order in front of him and stood still, arms crossed. To be fair, you didn’t have anything else to do, it was Tuesday night and only a few people sat in the dark corners of the bar getting drunk just by themselves. You might as well just let yourself entertain by the man who appreciated you.

“So, tell me,” Johnny started after he took the first sip of his beer, “How is live treating you, (Y/N), anything badass happened to you recently? You good?”

He always asked you how you were although you never really answered. You admired his endurance.

“Actually, quite the opposite?”

Johnny’s eyes widened a little and he stood his beer glass back on the counter. Surprised about a different answer today and curious for it being elaborated.

“What is it?”

You leaned over the counter and lured him closer to you with your finger, so close that his face was right in front of yours and your breath tickled him. He smelled quite nice, you reckoned, you did not expect that.

“The thing is,” you started whispering into his ear, him excitedly leaning even closer to you, happy over the slightest contact “there’s this creep who keeps coming into the bar. Almost every day, I think he’s a high-functioning alcoholic. And he just can’t leave me alone for once, always hitting on me, always talking to me. He might as well be stalking me and he’s like 20 years older than I am. Should I be afraid of him?”

Even though all you said was a lie since you didn’t think of Johnny as a creepy stalker anymore, rather a lonely guy, your words weren’t intended to be so hurtful. As soon as they left your lips you bit your tongue. Was that too much this time? But you wanted to get rid of him, did you?

“I heard he’s a quite good-looking bastard, tough.” Johnny retorted immediately without even flinching as if none of what you said struck him in the slightest. And that’s what you liked about him, he still wanted to woo you.

“And maybe if you’d give him a chance, you’d realize what a good fucking guy he is.”

You let out a hateful laugh. That would break your one and only work-rule.

“Nah, I don’t fuck with regulars.”

“Who said something about fucking?”

You bit your lip, no one did, it was your brain picturing you and Johnny again.

“You look damn hot doing that,” he said with a smirk and you promptly released your lip from your teeth.

“I’ll cook dinner, we watch a movie on my couch – “

“Thank you very much but I can have stale pasta at home by myself.“ you interrupted him, the corners of your mouth twitching. To be honest, you would like to have that, but you already were too far into acting like you hated everything he said and did and above all just him as a person.

“C’mon, (Y/N), when do you finally let met buy you a drink”

“Maybe tomorrow.”

Johnny rolled his beautiful blue eyes, “You say that all the time”

“Because you ask me that all the damn time.”

“’Cause I like you.” “Seriously Johnny, fuck off, you’re boring me.”

“Why do you always have to be such a bitch to me?” he exclaimed and maybe you were imagining that but for the first time since for ever you could make frustration out in his tone. That was exactly what you wanted, right?

“Woah,” you held your hands up “Watch your filthy mouth. You’ll have to give me a big fucking tip tonight, Johnny or I really go fetch Kenny so he can kick your sorry ass out for good.”

“No, I’ll just screw him instead, then I’ll be fine” You snorted, that man was unbelievable. Johnny, clearly satisfied with himself and his joke smiled with triumph.

“See, I made you laugh”

“Yeah, whatever” you said waving. And in that moment the huge mountain of a man, Kenny, came out of his office and stared blankly into Johnny.

“You’re gonna do what!?”, his voice roared through the bar, and Johnny suddenly became all small in his seat. You burst out laughing and finally used that situation to remove yourself from that scene. After all, you had work to do, you couldn’t just spend all your hours with Johnny. Even if you liked to.

“Uh oh,” Jenny said mockingly when you leaned against the counter next to her with a big sigh, “Relationship troubles?”

You nodded with a grin and made yourself a shot of vodka ready. You threw your head back and poured it down your throat all at once, you groaned but it felt good.

“Wow, would it have killed you if you did that with that poor guy over there?” Jenny signed over to Johnny, now sitting all alone looking down his fourth beer.

You shrugged; you didn’t want to indulge him that much.

“C’mon, you clearly in love with him and you know that.” “I don’t!” “You do, you like him.” “I fucking don’t. Stop making shit up in your hollow head!”

But that was a lie. For you the sun shone out his ass, that’s how much you liked him.

**************************************************************************************

Would you guys like me to write a second or maybe a third part??? Pls let me know?

also, let me know if you want to be tagged in my one shots and stuff

PART 2

#johnny lawrence #johnny lawrence imagine #johnny lawrence x reader #johnny lawrence fluff #badass reader #billy zabka #william zabka #cobra kai #cobra kai one shot #cobra kai imagine #karate kid #karate kid imagine

234 notes · View notes

marcspectrr · 3 years

Text

A word or two on Kiara's mental health...

Before I attempt to summarize the 39 page slideshow living rent free in my brain, a preface! This will include spoilers for s2, as well as a few mentions of suicidal thoughts! Also. I love Kiara Carrera with all of my heart so if you're not a fan of her, you might wanna keep scrolling. If you don't vibe with her that's perfectly fine, but this post is heavy with Kiara appreciation, be warned, my respect for her runs deep. The choice is yours, of course, just understand that I'm writing this bc @yellowlaboratory among others have encouraged me to get it out there because it's all I've been thinking about since I watched s2. This is not to start anything.

(This is also not me hating on Pope because I genuinely like his character, he's just made some very questionable choices throughout the show, some I can forgive and some that still don't sit right with me.)

Deep breath, here we go.

It's no secret Kiara has been poorly handled by the writers and therefore the characters at times. We got little development in s1 compared to other main male characters, leaving us to fill in the gaps as far as her ambitions, motivations, family, overall interest in the boys, etc. While I do keep this in mind, I could rant about it for days so for this I'm going off of what we have as well as what's been implied.

Kiara didn't have the same upbringing as the boys but it's clear the Carrera's had/have their struggles. She's got her foot in both worlds, not quite 'rich' but not entirely 'poor', inevitably giving her a fragile sense of belonging and identity. 16 is a hard age even without societal pressures and growing up in a classist environment, but here is where we're assuming the boys come in. They give her a place to feel comfortable in her own skin, with shared interests and accepting her for who she is, which we know the kooks don't provide. Just being around them helps ease those deep insecurities, helps her form meaningful bonds. We weren't given an explicit scene where this was shown but over the course of the two seasons it's clear how she feels about them and what they do for her mentally.

Her relationship with the pogues, however, puts a rift between her and her parents. Mike and Anna clearly want what's best for Kie but it's also obvious they've struggled with her even before the pogues. Anna wants Kiara to have the things she never got growing up, breeding a disconnect since Kiara doesn't share in her mother's interests. This leads into my biggest problem with Kiara's arc in s2, which was how Anna and Mike were written.

Yes, Kiara didn't/doesn't treat them the best but it went both ways -- they all failed at communicating. Instead of finding a common ground and compensating for the things Kiara cares about, Anna shuts her down and ignores her, leaving her to feel like a problem rather than a person, further perpetuating even less healthy communication. Kiara even says in s2 that's why she doesn't like going home, because it always means walking into an argument and not feeling accepted.

I sorta expected a little more understanding from Anna considering her own background with pogues but instead it backfired. And Mike...he didn't contribute much at all. They could've all done better and need some work. Kiara could be more grateful and Anna and Mike are the parents, the adults, they need to make the space feel safe to talk. Kie didn't just wake up one day and decide to act out and keep her parents in the dark all the time, that stems from not feeling listened to when she does try and open up.

Expanding on this with...the whole Blue Ridge plot. Moment of silence for the show neglecting to acknowledge the academy, even though it clearly had a big impact on Kiara's life. In s1 we got a brief look into how her 'kook year' affected her and it was not good. More isolation, blurred identity, insecurity and this time suicidal thoughts, with no one to turn to for support, assuming she was not on good terms with her parents then either. I'm assuming this because for them to send her to the academy, hoping to give her better opportunities only for it to end with her wanting to cut her wrists, to then thinking the best option is to send her away again? At this point I hope they didn’t know how badly the academy affected her because sending her away a second time with that knowledge is such a hurtful and oblivious move.

Kiara already thinks her parents see her as a burden, hurting her sense of worth as is. I really wanted to like the Carrera's and I still feel like they genuinely love and care for Kie, I just need to see more communication maybe. And if they choose to include the Blue Ridge plot, which I'm leaning towards yes on that one, I hope it's handled somewhat well, preferably not a tool to create drama even though I know a lot of people want to see it be used that way. I'm very particular, I'm sorry I'm this way.

Things I've seen her being criticized for in s2 is her behavior. The thing that people have to remember is that she's 16 and teenagers are just not the best with navigating their emotions. She made questionable choices (the 'murderer' thing and 'abusing' Pope) but these are both things that fit the plot and her character. She was by no means the only one grieving so I don't know why she's being targeted for it (although I'm not surprised, the fandom treats her horribly). Some of her core characteristics are her high moral integrity as well as her headstrong belief in people and causes. She's never been one to make herself palatable for people and s2 shows a lot of this (calling out the Cameron's, going off in front of the court, etc). Even if it caused them problems and even if they are flaws, that doesn't make her an inherently intolerable character, it makes her realistic. She was not in a good place emotionally and it would've been wrong to shy away from depicting it any other way, especially in a show where the teenage experience is decently represented.

Now with the Pope thing. I think it was handled as well as it could've been considering the circumstances. It really should've never happened but to justify it, emotions are messy, relationships even messier and they were both spiraling at the end of s1. I don't agree with the way it started (why give Kie the line of literally telling him she wanted something different only to show them together next episode, I'm forever confused) but I'm not mad about how it ended. They were both in the wrong at times so only bringing up Kie's faults is just unfair.

I believe they both tried their best and even wanted to feel the right things but learned quickly that's not exactly how it works, which was how it was supposed to be shown. Not as this romanticized, idealistic healthy relationship but as one that has its bumps and was bred out of all the wrong things. All of their body language pointed towards this. Pope didn't deserve to be hurt but Kie clearly didn't intend for things to turn out how they did. She wasn't mentally comfortable enough for a relationship and I can appreciate them showing this in the ways the writers framed it. Even the conversation with Kie describing their night on the beach, I think it was perfect. It was awkward but it was honest, which is so important.

Overall, I think Kiara's gone through a lot mentally that the show could be better at exploring. It doesn't have to be big, obvious lingering shots, they can be subtle and still mean so much to people who relate to her. Seeing someone on screen grapple with real life struggles (even if the show walks a painfully fine line as far as realism), it means a lot. Especially when mental health (more prominent than ever) is so rarely portrayed to translate in any significant way in media now. It's definitely something I would love to see get more time and effort so until then, just know I'll be manifesting the screen time Kiara Carrera deserves.

#obx #outer banks #obx s2 #outer banks season 2 #kiara carrera #whoever read this whole thing kudos to you #i also hate the tumblr app for posting it twice before it was finished :)#i have MANY thoughts on kie #as well as the rest of the pogues arcs in s2 #its a curse to have this many opinions agshdjf #obx rants #i guess?

32 notes · View notes

mypoisonedvine · 3 years

Text

Satisfied | Andy Barber x reader (chapter 4)

(chapter 1) (chapter 2) (chapter 3)

series summary: you’re the only lawyer in Boston who can get under Andy Barber’s skin, but you didn’t realise that he was trying to get under your clothes. as is the nature of law, it’s only a matter of time before the truth is discovered.

word count: 3.7k

warnings: angst, implied smut, non-linear storytelling

a/n: I wrote this series originally with my friend joyce, and after she deactivated some of the chapters were lost. this series is long-since completed, but I’m reposting now so people can still read!

You hated being back at your temporary ‘home’. The small apartment your company had rented was… suboptimal at best. It was a cramped little place that reminded you of your dorm at college. Only it had one difference: you were alone. But it was a place for you to reflect. And that was enough.

After the nightmare of a deposition, you had a lot of work to complete. Not only that, you had another two cases that you had to work on. Usually you would have been done and there would have not been so much stress involved but life happened.

Maybe if you were not so preoccupied by thoughts of Andy you would have been on top of your workload. But Andy posed more than one issue. He was on your mind a lot. He lived in your brain the way he did back in college. He was buried into your brain. And as much as you dedicated your existence to the law, he had more of you than any other person ever did. And that was why you had spent the last three days ignoring him.

Your entire existence burned to speak to him but you held out. You stayed strong and buried yourself in work. Your table was cluttered with pens and numerous reports and documents in a way that reminded you of being a student again. Andy always made fun of how messy you were when you studied. In every other aspect of your life you were so organized and neat yet the second you had any paper near you, it looked like a tip.

The little memory brought a smile to your face. It was dangerous to reminisce in the better days but you did miss him. Many a flurry of different failed relationships helped you realize that it was because you still loved Andy Barber. And your need to make him hate you stemmed from your inability to let him feel indifference towards you.

Ever since you returned to Boston, you spent more time than you were willing to admit dwelling over the past. How different would your life have been if you had gotten valedictorian? Would you have been happy?

You’re startled out of your thoughts when the buzzer rings and when you went to check the camera, Andy was at the front with his hands in his pockets. “Andy?”

“Let me in. You can’t keep avoiding me.” his voice is slightly distorted by the buzzer. Something, however, compelled you to let him in; you pressed the button and watched it flash green. It took a minute or so before Andy was at your door.

“Andy,” you breathed, “what are you doing here?” When you saw him, you realized that it was both a good and bad idea to have avoided him for a few days. You missed him. Just a little more than you wished to admit. But you needed to be away from him.

“Making up for lost time,” he replied before crashing his lips down on yours. It was practically a scene out of a stupid rom-com but it didn’t matter at that moment. He chased you the way you wished he had before. At least a part of you wished for that to happen.

“We shouldn’t be doing this,” you sighed as you tore away from Andy’s touch the way you’d drop hot coals.

“Don’t,” he pleaded, “you said that back in college--”

“And look where that got us,” you interrupted. The last thing you wanted was for that conversation to come up once again. It hurt too much to think about, let alone to talk about.

“No, we’re not doing this. Can you just let me in?” you had always been unable to resist him when he pleaded with his eyes; you let him enter and he made himself comfortable.

“It’s not as nice a place as yours,” you felt a little uncomfortable having him examine the bits of your life you tried to hide. “The firm I work for rented it for me.” You wished that the place was just a little cleaner before Andy came over unexpectedly. It was by no means a mess but it was nowhere close to the standard you were accustomed to. Or the one that he knew you had.

“Can you stop worrying about how you come across or how you’re perceived by people for just a second?” Andy raised his voice. You did not expect the outburst. Nothing gave you any indication for it.

“Did you forget that you came here, Andy?” he had a way of winding you up and you had never been above it. Your voice was blatantly irritated but Andy paid no mind to your frustrations.

“I...I just wanted to talk,” he sighed, calming down almost instantly. That made you understand that he really did come over for a conversation. It was never your strong suit but you needed something from him.

“About what, Andy?” your voice weak. “Us? There is no ‘us.’”

“About the case,” he looked at you pointedly avoiding the loaded statement you had just made. But you know that it hurt him. It was evident in his eyes. Even when he tried to hide the pain from you, it was impossible. You knew him too well.

“So what was all of that about making up for lost time, Andy?” you were on the verge of screaming not knowing how else to react.

“I-I came over about the case,” he licked his lips as he watched you, “but then I saw you. I saw your fucking face and I--”

“Andy…” you sighed, “we can’t keep doing this.”

“No, you don’t want to keep doing this,” he corrected, “but we still have a case to deal with.”

“We don’t have a case to deal with. I feel as if you have forgotten that we are representing opposing parties, Mr. Barber.”

“Trust me. I haven’t,” he deadpanned, “but seeing as your dearest client is shelling out a lot of money for this to be sorted, I thought that it would be helpful if we helped each other out.”

You raised an eyebrow out of interest, ashamedly intrigued. “And how would we ‘help each other out’?”

“Get your client to accept a plea deal. Considering how much money you’re being paid, he definitely has the means to fight it. But he doesn’t have the brains to. The evidence against him is mounting.” You hated Andy’s judgement. He always disagreed with your path, insisting that becoming a DA was the only moral way to practice law.

“Is that your professional opinion, Mr. Barber?” you cocked your head, “is this direct from your boss or is it stemming from your moral high-ground?”

“Consider it a favour from a friend. Or is it that you want that extra money so you continue to represent an arsonist?” Andy’s tone is biting, his disapproval of your career evident.

“Will you stop saying that? I’m doing it for free!” you blurted out.

Silence elapsed over the two of you. Andy looked at you with an admiration you had not seen in a long time. It was almost unsettling how warm it made you feel. “Why?” His voice was so soft that you almost missed it.

“Just because I didn’t become a DA doesn’t mean that I don’t give a shit, Andy,” you were unsure of why you so desperately craved his approval. Or why you needed him to know that you were not just another money-hungry, morally bankrupt attorney. “But that’s what you thought, wasn’t it? That I only care about money?”

“It doesn’t matter,” he breathed out but the guilt was evident. It was written all across his face. The cruealen eyes you looked into many times were laced with genuine sadness. He was wrong. “I’m sorry. Your client… he’s not paying, but the firm is still paying you, right?”

“No…” you let out a visible breath, “I have two other cases up here and so my company rented this place out and I am taking this one pro bono. If anything, I’m losing money by taking this on.”

“I’m sorry I judged you,” Andy pulled you into a hug you did not resist. He mumbled ‘baby’ into your hair at the end but you managed to catch it. It was soft but it was there. And it made your heart skip just a little. It had been so long since he had called you that.

You missed having his arms around you. It reminded you of safety and cramming for an exam. Land law was never your specialty but Andy got you through it.

Being pressed against his chest made you realize that he hadn’t changed his cologne. It was the same one you got him on your one-year anniversary. How you did not realize sooner was beyond you but there is something touching about it.

“You still wear it,” you’re surprised that you said it aloud. Andy looks at you in confusion. “The cologne I got you.”

He doesn’t look you in the eye but nods. “Yeah… it sorta became part of my everyday life. It reminds me of you.”

You nodded slowly and looked away, glancing out the window. The tone of the room shifted in exactly the wrong direction.

“Listen, I know we were sort of awful for each other,” Andy chuckled dryly, “I know we still are awful to each other. But it’s always been you. It’s always been us. And I don’t see why we can’t give it another—”

“I got an offer... I’m gonna be a partner,” you blurted out, cutting him off before he could say anything else that would make leaving harder.

“Oh my god!” he replied excitedly, after a pause to process your interruption. “Baby, that’s… that’s great.” You knew that he was worried, he had every right to be. All of the offers you once got had caused the same doubts.

“It’s in California.”

His face dropped and he swallowed nothing. The silence was heavy, and cold. Or maybe that was just the Boston air. It had always felt like this… dark and damp and carried on a wind that made you shiver to your bone each time it blew. It was exactly this feeling that should have made you long for sunny California, with its orange trees and beaches and manifest-destiny attitude. It didn’t, but it should have.

It reminded you of college. Of talking to Andy about vacancies available across the country. You had always liked the idea of moving for money but he didn’t. And that was how he stayed in Boston after you graduated whilst you sold your soul to a corporation.

He stood up and walked to the other side of the room, looking out the window. He ran his hands through his hair in that way he did when he was anxious. “You didn’t say you could be a partner,” he recalled. “You said you were going to be a partner.”

“Yep,” you agreed.

“So, you’ve already accepted it? That’s it?”

“I feel like I have to. I mean, you would never ask me to stay, would you?”

“I wouldn’t.”

“Because you respect me too much? Or because you know I’d never choose you over my career?”

“Both,” he said, anger tinting his voice. “I would never want you to resent me. If you gave it up for me, you’d resent me. But just know…”

“What?”

“Just know I would’ve given up valedictorian for you,” he said it with such earnestness you did not know what to say or do. It was a declaration; one that you were not able to refute or confirm. Because you did not know.

“Are you fucking serious?” you were not sure how to feel; anger and doubt swelled in the pit of your stomach. He could have said that all those years ago. Tears pricked your eyes as you tried to keep your composure.

“Yes.”

“You think I still care about that?”

“It doesn’t matter if you care now. You cared then. And I would’ve given it up, to save us,” Andy raised his voice.

“But you didn’t, Andy! You fucking didn’t!” tears fell freely down your face as you realized that his words and his actions would forever contradict the other.

“Because I thought you’d never be with a guy who would do something like that! Do you realize that? You hated me because I got it when I didn’t want it, but I wanted to impress you! I wanted to deserve you!”

You were petrified, practically glued to the couch in fear and confusion and devastation. It was almost impossible for you to fathom Andy’s thoughts about you. Maybe he was right. Maybe you would not have wanted him if he gave it up. Because if he did, you would not have earnt it.

“Everything I did then, I was just trying to be the guy you wanted. I became everything you feared you would become if you had a relationship in law school. I completely lost sight of my studies, I would’ve flunked out, I was so obsessed with you-- thank God you were such a know-it-all or I surely wouldn’t have studied again after I met you.”

“Andy, this isn’t true. You were always a great lawyer. You always wanted it,” you tried to reason with him. He was a good lawyer.

“I’m only as much a lawyer as you made me. Everything I did was about building what I thought you wanted, so I could get you…” he paused with a slow breath, “and I’d throw it all away, to make you stay.”

“You won’t leave Boston...” it came to you slowly. You almost wished that it would not be the case. You wanted him. Maybe a little more than you wanted him back in college. It may have been the time and the distance that made you crave his heart.

“I won’t leave Boston,” he confirmed. “It’s the one thing that reminds me of who I was before you. Who I’m trying to be.”

“And you got an offer,” you realized suddenly.

“Old habits die hard, I guess,” he shrugged.

“Are you seriously suggesting you’d give it up for me?” you were petrified by the concept. You would have never let him do it, anyway. He had worked too hard and for too long for you to be the reason he gave it all up.

“If you gave up your partnership in Cali, wouldn’t it be fair for me to give up on being Suffolk County DA?”

“Oh shit, Andy, no, that wouldn’t be fair. You need to take it,” you begged him.

“I knew you would say that. You’ve barely changed at all.”

You stood up and approached him, placing a hand on his cheek. “Give me a year,” you pleaded. “Maybe that’s what we need. A year apart to remember who we’re supposed to be. Maybe I’ll love California and partnership and we’ll be able to say ‘hey, we’ll always have O’Leary’s’.”

He smiled a little, in a sad way. You hadn’t quite convinced him yet. He was unsure if you were really going to come back; he had trusted you with a lot before and each time he did, you broke it. Maybe giving you a year was too much of a risk for his sanity.

“Or maybe…” you breathed, half pleading, “maybe I can come back and you’ll be here. And we can try to get along better than we used to.”

“I won’t wait forever,” he nodded slowly, “but I can do a year.”

“Okay,” you smiled, reaching for his hand and weaving your fingers into his. He squeezed your hand but looked away. “Andy…”

He turned to you and you wondered if you looked like you were about to cry, because you certainly felt like you were. The situation was overwhelming, yes, but Andy, in himself, was the most overwhelming thing in your life. He consumed the only available parts of your existence. Everything you had not lost to the law belonged to him.

Maybe in another universe you got to keep him. That you got married and had little Barber children. But right then, none of that mattered. You just needed him to know the truth. Three tiny words on the tip of your tongue to let him know the one thing that had stayed buried in your heart for a decade.

“Don’t say anything,” he requested weakly. “Don’t say something that’s going to make this any harder.”

“But what if it’s the truth?”

“It doesn’t matter now,” he denied.

“Look at me,” you demanded, running your hand over his face, stepping closer and pressing your body against his. You looked into his eyes and looked for hate, wishing that he still hated you at all. “I love you.”

“Please don’t say that.” Andy’s voice was strained. You saw the internal battle he was having and it pained you. You knew that he wanted to say it. He loved telling you that when you were young. He’d remind you of his love so much you had it ingrained in your mind.

“But what if I never get another chance to say it?” a small broken sob escaped the confines of your lips. Every fibre of your being wanted to repeat those sacred three words just once more to ensure that he heard you. That he really heard you. You needed him to understand the weight behind your words.

You had never meant them more than you had in that moment. You loved him. It was a confession you had not been able to deal with for years. You loved Andy Barber. And you had done so since the first time he said it to you in your dorm.

“You will,” he nodded, voice full of conviction, and soft eyes. “Come back in a year.”

“And when I do?” your voice was weak. Scared. It was unlike you. You had always gone after what you wanted but this time you had no choice. You had to wait a year. 365 days.

“We’ll have this conversation again. And it won’t be like last time. It won’t be like this time. It’ll be the truth.” Andy grabbed your trembling hands and kissed them.

“Before I go,” you whimpered, feeling a tear start to fall, “lie to me just one last time.”

That was how you ended up in his bed again, his lips all over you, whispering everything you wanted to believe could be true. I love you. We’re gonna make it. This isn’t goodbye. He kissed you like it was the end of something. He fucked you like it was just the beginning.

---

Another day, another argument. As he paced around the dorm, you were trying to remember a time when this wasn’t just a part of the cycle. There was no way it had always been like this, right? If it had, you wouldn’t have made it this long… just a few months and you were already at the end of your rope.

“I can’t keep diminishing myself because you’re afraid of being overshadowed,” he shook his head.

“I’m not afraid of you,” you scowled.

“You’re afraid you won’t be valedictorian,” Andy was tense and he stood away from you, “you’re afraid that it will be me that takes it.”

“Yeah! Of course I am! Because it’s what I’ve been working towards basically my whole life and now you’re trying to take it from me when you don’t even care about it!”

“Of course I care about it!” Andy ran his hand through his hair in frustration. The argument was going around in circles. It always did and you always ended up in the same place.

“Not half as much as I do.” Tears welled in your eyes. It was your dream. Your goal. And it was right in your sight. You were at the finish line and all you had to do was cross it.

“I don’t know why you’re so insecure, honestly. You are so… threatened, by everything, by everybody. Nobody’s nearly as good as you. You run circles around all of us. And you still can’t let go and let your accomplishments speak for themselves. You’re at Harvard! You’re already with the best!”

“Best isn’t good enough. I need to be the best of the best.”

He sighed and leaned back against the wall. “You are never going to be satisfied. I can’t satisfy you, and you can’t satisfy yourself.”

“What do you mean you can’t satisfy me?”

“You’re going to dump me if you get valedictorian.”

“What makes you so sure of that?”

“Because I’m giving up on us, if I get it.”

You looked away. After everything you still didn’t want him to see you cry. “Think you can do better than a salutatorian?”

He laughed a little; a sad, broken noise. “Yeah, something like that.”

He started to walk away and you were going to let him. Some weaker part of you took over for a moment though, and grabbed his sleeve. “Don’t go,” you requested. He seemed like he was considering it. “We can still be together, if I get it.”

He shook his head and looked at you with watery eyes. “You’re impossible.”

“Please, Andy,” you have never pleaded for anything, let alone anyone, but Andy made you want to fight. Whether it was for him or for valedictorian, you were not sure. But it wasn’t enough for him. You needed to actually give something up; before he made that decision for you.

And, so, you watched him leave. One footstep after the other taking a piece of your heart the further he gets. It crushed you. Since you had lost Andy, you had to get valedictorian. There was no fathomable way you were going to be able to deal with the loss of both. “I love you,” you whispered to his fleeting back.

And then it became your turn to grieve. The loss of Andy took a bigger toll on you than you were even able to imagine. That was in spite of the fact that you had spent less time with him over the past few months as he was working a lot more than usual.

You knew that he was saving up for a big purchase. He always did a lot more overtime when he was doing that. Only you had no idea what it would be. All you knew is that it would be a surprise, or so he told you.

next chapter: finale

#andy barber x reader #andy barber fanfic

133 notes · View notes