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kar3npage · 4 years

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Next to You

Neil Josten works as a math professor and lives a comfortable life in a neighborhood that happens to house all of his closest friends. He meets Andrew Minyard, the owner of the quaint bookstore down the street, at a barbeque and makes the mistake of agreeing to go to his book club. Lots of Andrew being an obviously lovesick fool, Neil being oblivious, and their friends loving them unconditionally.

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Neil Josten made his way down the quaint street that he somehow managed to get an apartment in. His wheelchair clicked loudly on the pavement, and he got a few sympathetic looks as he rolled past. He does his best to ignore it, though some days that’s easier said than done.

It’s been years since his father died at the hands of Stuart, and a bit more than a year since the rest of his father’s circle was finally caught and imprisoned. No matter how much time passes though, Nathan Wesninski left a lasting impact. The scars on his arms and face make sure that everyone knows that something horrific happened to the young man with red hair, and the wheelchair ensures that he is noticed in every situation.

“Hey buddy!” Matt is easy to find in the cafe they always meet at. To begin with, they always sit at the same table so that Neil can get there comfortably. Also, he is freakishly tall compared to most people, and the spiked hair adds to his height. “Dan sends her apologies. Emergency at work,” Matt says with a grimace and pushes forward the coffee that he ordered for Neil.

Matt and Neil have been best friends since they met in physical therapy when Matt got an injury while he was playing Exy in university. Neil was the first person Matt introduced Dan to when they started dating, and Neil was the one that Matt ran his business plan through when he first decided that he wanted to start a veterinary clinic. Matt was the one that Neil called when he got lonely in his empty apartment, and Matt was the one who forced Neil to get a cat. Neil couldn’t imagine a life without their weekly coffees or Christmas dinner with the Boyd-Wilds.

Matt is describing in minute detail the reason why Dan was not able to come to coffee today - something about one of the high school students she taught struggling with something and going to her for help. The pride Matt felt for his wife was undeniable, and Neil nodded along and let him ramble.

“Anyway, I almost forgot! Allison is putting together a party on Sunday and you have to come,” Matt says after a few minutes.

Neil gives Matt an unimpressed look. “First of all, what is the party even for? Second of all, you know I don’t like parties.”

“I know, I know, but Kevin’s back in town! Plus you got your PhD, we need to celebrate that!”

“I got my PhD two years ago, you’ve got to stop using that as an excuse to have a party.”

Matt grins unapologetically and stares at Neil until he finally says “Fine. But I’m leaving early.”

Before he knew it, Sunday evening was there and Neil was reluctantly making his way to the Boyd-Wilds house. On his lap was a loaf of sourdough bread that he stress baked that afternoon, and a list of conversation topics that he printed off the internet.

While waiting for someone to answer the doorbell, he stuffed the list of questions in his pocket and inspected the cars on the street. There were more people here than normal. Quite a few more. He could recognize Wymacks beat up old truck and Allison's pink convertible, and he was assuming that the rental car across the street was Kevins. There was also a red SUV that he hasn’t seen before, and a very fancy, very shining black car in the driveway.

Allison opened the door like she owned the place, and threw herself on Neils lap for a hug before he could protest.

“I know you were dawdling, your apartment is, like, a block away.”

“Well I can’t walk very fast,” Neil says to Allison while half-heartedly shoving her away. She flicks his nose.

“You can get everywhere faster than me, stop trying to make me feel bad for you,” she sings, then grabs the loaf of bread out of his hand and walks inside without a backwards glance. “Literally everyone got here before you did. Even the monsters.”

Neil comes in hesitantly. There is a great deal of noise coming out of the kitchen, and Neil can see even more people in the backyard through the hallway.

“So… who all came?” Neil says as he emerges into the tight kitchen where Allison disappeared to. There are a multitude of new faces in the kitchen who turn to face him, and he immediately regrets not coming up with an excuse to stay home. Not like any of them would have believed him, but an attempt could have been made.

“Allison, you didn’t say he was that attractive!” a tall man says from the corner. His arms are wrapped around an even taller blond man who smiles genially at Neil and coming forward to offer a hand.

“I’m Erik, and this is my husband Nicky,” the blond man says in a thick German accent.

Allison beams at Neil. “I told you he was cute. And he looks even better when he wears the clothes that I choose for him,” she says to Nicky, giving Neil a pointed look.

“Nicky’s the one doing Matt’s marketing for him now.” Renee’s calm voice comes from the corner, somewhere behind Nicky and Erik. “And he helped Allison with her branding when she started designing.”

Neil hums so they know he heard, then backs out of the kitchen to go to the back. He thinks that he should probably say something polite while he leaves, but Allison and Renee know how he is, and he feels like he’s getting in the way of all the people actually cooking in the kitchen.

The backyard has even more people in it, but it has more space so he doesn’t feel as claustrophobic.

“Neil!” Matt says from where he’s standing at the barbeque with Wymack, sounding like he had no idea that he was coming. Dan and Abby wave at him from their lawn chairs. Another woman is chatting with them, her arm around a short blond man. Kevin is standing near Wymack talking at another small blond man. Neil catalogs the two, checking for differences without thinking about it.

Now he really regrets being here. There isn’t a single group of people that he can talk to that he knows entirely, and everyone else seems to be so comfortable chatting. He briefly considers using Sir as an excuse, but he knows that Matt would insist on going home with him if he thought that there was something wrong with Sir.

“No ones going to bite,” Allison says from behind him, making him jump. He realizes that he is directly in front of the door.

“I should go,” Neil mumbles as Allison walks past him carrying a bowl of salad to the table near the grill. “Nope! You can’t, it's your PhD party!” Allison sings.

Kevin turns around and notices Neil in the doorway. He looks intense, which is just his version of excited.

Allison's announcement has caught everyone's attention and Neil can feel the weight of their eyes. He accidentally makes eye contact with the man who Kevin was talking with, and he shifts his attention quickly.

“It’s not a PhD party, that happened years ago.”

Dan grins. “You know that we’re going to call everything that so you feel obligated to come, right?”

“We just like having you here, Neil,” Renee says sweetly from beside him. Neil can feel his face heating up. “Have you met everyone yet?”

At the shake of his head, Renee introduces the new ones in the backyard. “Andrew is the one with Kevin, he owns the bookshop down the street from the cafe, and then over there is his twin Aaron, and Aaron's wife Katelyn. They work at the hospital together as surgeons.”

“The bookstore you go to all the time?” Neil asks. Andrew is wearing all black despite the summer heat, and his gaze is blank as he watches Kevin get worked up over whatever he’s talking about. Most likely Exy, since he’s been making an Exy podcast since he stopped playing in university.

Renee hums a confirmation. “Andrew and I have tea and cake at the bakery every Saturday. I supply treats to the book club he hosts,” Renee says with a smile. Her bakery is famous around the neighborhood for having the prettiest and most luxurious treats in the city. The woman who helps her run it, Betsy, makes Neil just as uncomfortable as Renee does. That combined with his dislike for sweets means that he very rarely ends up in the shop.

“He hosts a book club?” Neil says, staring hard at Andrew. He doesn’t know why his brain has latched onto the man like this, but he can’t help but be fascinated with how contradictory he seems to be. A man with bigger biceps than Matt who likes Renee's cake (and company) and runs a book club.

Renee smiles, a hint of mischief in her eyes. “Oh yes, you should join us sometime. We’re reading Emma at the moment, in honour of the movie coming out.”

Neil narrows his eyes at Renee, but she doesn’t seem to be joking. He’s saved from the need to answer by Erik and Nicky coming out with more food and Wymack announcing that the burgers are done.

Andrews eyes keep sliding over to the redhead with a deer-in-headlights look as he completely blocks the door. Kevin has not shut up about Andrews' missed chance at going pro, and Andrew started blocking him out ages ago. Nearly as soon as Kevin started talking, actually.

Renee winks at him when she notices where his gaze is fixed and he glares at her. Her smile just grows as she finds a lawn chair near Allison. Wymack interrupts the staring contest by putting out the burgers and Andrew bullies his way into line at the table by the grill to fill his plate. Kevin has moved to the back of the line to talk to the redhead, who takes the attack surprisingly well. He makes eye contact with Andrew and gives him a ‘what can you do’ kind of shrug and smile while he nods along to Kevins rant. Andrew pretends he was never looking at them and loads his plate up with bread and potato salad.

“I invited Neil to book club, I hope you don’t mind,” Renee says to Andrew when he sits down in the empty chair beside her.

Allison leans forward to point her fork at Andrew. “I hope you know that I saw you ogling him.”

Andrew glares at her and Renee kicks her foot gently. “I think you and Neil would get along well,” Renee says.

“Who said I wanted to get to know him,” Andrew says while staring at a smirking Neil arguing with Kevin. Kevin’s face has gone an alarming shade of red and Wymack is watching them with a faintly fond expression on his face.

Allison snorts and turns to Katelyn to chat. Renee wisely changes the subject to her thoughts so far on Emma.

Opening the bookstore first thing in the morning is one of Andrews less hated chores. He likes the way the store smells, and the awed silence that it has before customers come in. Robin, his only employee, always takes the evening shift, so he has the whole morning to himself. He starts by setting up a new display in the front window, losing himself to the satisfying feeling of creating something.

The mornings are usually pretty quiet, since the neighborhood has a habit of waking up late whenever possible. The only other shop open is Renee’s bakery down the street, and Boyd’s vet clinic, which he walked past on his way from his place.

Bee drops by at lunch like she often does, with a mocha and a croissant. Bee is Renee’s business partner in the bakery, and responsible for the pastries. The two of them adopted Andrew into their social circle as soon as he became a regular at the bakery when he first opened the bookstore.

“Renee mentioned that we might have a new member of book club this month,” Bee says as she admires the new display. Andrew does not miss the sparkle in her eye, or the pleased smile that she tries to hide by taking another sip of her hot chocolate.

Andrew doesn’t answer.

“It will be nice to hear new opinions,” Bee muses. He can tell that she’s fishing for a reaction, so he places all of his attention on stacking the newly arrived copies of The Glass Hotel. When he turns around, Bee is watching his carefully.

“You know,” she says slowly, “it’s always a good thing to add to your social circle. Neil sounds nice. Matt always has good things to say about him.”

Andrew gives her a dirty look, which she easily ignores. “And he sounds like someone you would get along with. Allison told me that he has his PhD in some sort of math. And he has a cat.”

Andrew snorts. “So having a cat is supposed to make me overlook the fact that he’s interested in math.”

Bee laughs and gives Andrew a knowing look.

A week later, and Neil is starting to get restless at home. He appreciates that the university allows him to teach online classes, but sometimes too much time with only Sir as company makes Neil think weird thoughts. He decides to get a sandwich from the cafe, after dismissing the thought of bothering Matt at work. He knows that he could always call Allison, since she is the boss and can do whatever she wants (or so she says), but he’s in a melancholy mood and he knows that she would force him out of it. For some reason, he wants to just wallow for a minute.

The day is crisper than Neil thought that it would be, but it’s a good kick to his system. He peaks in the window of the clinic when he goes past, and he’s suddenly glad that he didn’t text Matt earlier. It would just make him worry, and it looks like he’ll be busy today.

At times like these, Neil can’t help but feel just a little bit like a chore for his friends. He can always hear the busyness behind Allison when he calls her during the day, and he knows that Matt drops nearly everything to make sure he’s okay. He could always call Wymack, but Wymack is busy trying to save every kid that he comes across at the clubs he runs. Abby is constantly telling him that he’s no bother, but she is also busy at her work as a physical therapist.

The melancholy back as strong as ever, Neil makes his way listlessly down the street. It’s a quiet day today, and all he has to do when he gets home is mark some tests, so he takes his time eating his sad looking sandwich.

It seemed like fate that the bookstore was directly across the street from the cafe. How had Neil never payed attention to that before now?

It’s as quaint as the rest of the stores on the street, but with a darker colour palette than the rest. The window boasts various beautiful copies of Jane Austen books with a poster with information about the book club. The clean design of the poster reminds him of Allisons, and he wonders if Nicky does the marketing for Andrew too.

Neil sits in the cafe for 45 minutes before working up with courage to check out the bookstore.

A small bell rings as he struggles over the cracked concrete at the entrance to get into the store. By the time he actually looks around, Andrew’s flat gaze is heavy on him. He can feel a flush rise up the back of his neck.

Neil clears his throat a few times and tries to pretend that he’s not fazed by the staring. “Renee mentioned that you had a book club?” he says, because he can’t think of anything else to say.

Andrew keeps staring at him. “I think she said the book was Emma, but she didn’t say what day it was.”

“Next Tuesday.”

“Oh.”

Andrew raises an eyebrow. “You’ve got something else to do that day?”

“No, I just won’t be able to read the book by then,” Neil says, and to his horror, he feels the flush move onto his cheeks. He looks at a random book in an attempt to hide it.

When he looks back at Andrew, he’s relaxed back into the chair behind the counter. “Most members don’t read the whole thing before the club gets together. Some of them haven’t even started it, they just come for the conversation.”

“Really?” Neil says. The shame at not being a fast reader is starting to fade. He can’t imagine Andrew lying just to make someone feel better, and he has a strange trust for the near stranger.

Andrew tosses a small paperback book to Neil, and Neil fumbles to catch it. It’s the edition of Emma with the movie cover. Andrew waves away Neils offer to pay when he gets to the counter.

“Book club discount,” Andrew says while fidgeting with his sleeves.

“That’s not a great business practice, giving away books for that many people every month.”

Andrew just shrugs.

Neil’s at home and has read the first chapter of the book before he remembers that he was sad.

“Was that Neil that I just saw leaving the bookstore?” Nicky asked far too enthusiastically as he came barreling into the store not two minutes after Andrews bizarre interaction with Neil finished.

“Nope,” Andrew says and puts his book in front of his face to block out Nicky.

“I love Neil! Is he going to hang out with us now?”

“Why would him coming to the store mean that he was going to hang out with us?”

“So it was him! Ha!”

Andrew rolled his eyes and turned the page despite not having read a single word on that page. When Nicky is silent for a few seconds, he puts the book down to look into his thrilled cousins face.

“I think it would be nice if he joined us for family dinner next month,” Nicky says brightly when he notices that he’s caught Andrews attention again.

“Why would he be invited to family dinner,” Andrew says flatly. He spends a moment putting all of his energy into ignoring the daydream of Neil being a part of the family. Andrew feels like a creep, having this weird little fascination with someone who he barely knows.

“Allison said that he doesn’t have any family. Isn’t that sad?” A hint of true sadness pokes through Nicky’s facade and Andrew is abruptly reminded that Nicky’s family is just him, Aaron, and Erik now. “Plus, he’s funny! Did you hear him sass Kevin at the barbeque? Even Aaron laughed!”

“Aaron didn’t laugh, he was coughing. But fine, I’ll invite him,” Andrew says with absolutely no plan to invite Neil.

“No, I don’t trust you to invite him. I will,” Nicky says firmly.

Andrew doesn’t sleep that night. After knowing that Neil will be at book club, and then at family dinner next month (now that Nicky has taken that into his own hands, Neil won’t have a choice but to come), Andrew is starting to feel the stress that usually only pops up after a particularly bad nightmare.

After much introspection, he realizes that it’s not seeing Neil that's causing the stress, but the way that everyone has been watching their interactions.

As soon as 4am hits, Andrew gets up and walks to the bakery. Sure enough, the light is on in the back and Bee’s yellow Mini Cooper is parked in the employee lot. Andrew knocks on the back door and tries not to make eye contact with Bee, who is wearing a knowing, empathetic look on her face.

Andrew settles at the table in the back and watches Bee work. The silence is soothing, and his muscles relax for the first time all night. After a while, she brings over some hot chocolate and sits down across from him.

“If you want me to get the others to lay off of you about Neil, Renee and I will tell them to stop,” Bee says gently.

“That’s not the problem,” Andrew says, his voice gravelly from disuse. They look at each other for a long moment, both waiting for Andrew to figure out what he means to say.

“Neil doesn’t know, and I feel dirty,” Andrew finally says dully.

Bee hums and takes a sip of her hot chocolate. “Do you want to tell him?”

Andrew snorts. “I barely know him.”

“Well, I don’t think that you should feel dirty. And I’m sure he’s been teased by Allison by now, so you don’t have to worry about him not knowing what the others are saying.”

Andrew lets her words sink in, then nods. “Okay,” he says. “Okay.”

Bee smiles, and brings over a hot chocolate croissant after taking the batch from the oven.

“I don’t think that’s very good business practice,” Andrew tells her, as he takes a burning bite.

He doesn’t feel so conflicted when he opens the bookstore, and it ends up being a better day than he thought that it would be.

Neil is enjoying the book more than he thought he would, but he has had much less time to work on it than he planned. After spending most of his days marking, and helping a student over video conference, he was exhausted. And worried.

He could picture himself making a fool of himself at book club, and all of them realizing that he’s not nearly as smart as they all make him out to be.

“I’m sure it’s going to go great! Renee and Bee both love it, and Abby goes! Erik goes when he can, too,” Matt assures him over the phone while Neil tries to come up with an excuse just in case someone confronts him for not going.

“I’ve only read a few pages,” Neil says slowly.

“That's a few pages more than me! Plus, we both know you have a lot of thoughts about it,” Matt says with a grin in his voice. Neil wishes he hadn’t told Matt about the characters over coffee the other day.

Sir is purring delightedly on Neils chest. “I can’t go, Sir is on my lap,” he tries again.

Matt pauses, but Neil hears Dan in the background. “No! That’s not an excuse! Sir cuddles you all the time.”

Matt sighs into the phone. “She’s right, buddy. I think you’ll have fun. And they have free coffee and stuff. That’s always fun.”

20 minutes later, Neil is miserably locking his apartment door and officially on his way to book club.

The atmosphere is surprisingly warm and cozy in the book shop at 7pm. There’s soft music playing, and people are chatting in little groups. There are only a few people that Neil doesn’t recognize, and the circle of chairs taking up most of the floor looks comfortable. For some reason Neil was expecting this to feel more like a test.

Abby beams when she sees him hovering by the door and waves him over. Neil recognizes the woman she’s talking to as Katelyn.

“We were wondering if you would come,” Abby says warmly, knowing his history of wiggling his way out of social situations.

Katelyn smiles at him and sits on the closest chair so he doesn’t have to look up at her. Neil feels a bit grateful at that, and even more so when she offers him a cheese scone and a cup of coffee from the center table.

Katelyn launches into a story about a patient, and Erik works his way to their group.

“Neil,” he says quietly as a greeting, and Neil gives him a shy smile. “Nicky was wondering if you wanted to come to dinner in a few weeks. He’s promising to make enchiladas.”

Neil swears that his brain short circuits for a moment. “You want me over… for dinner?”

“Here, I’ll get your number and Nicky can text you the time and place,” Erik says, ignoring his shock.

Andrew comes out from the backroom with more coffee, and that seems to be a symbol of some kind for everyone to take their places.

“Okay, what did you think?” Andrew says bluntly, and that’s it. Everyone has opinions, some of them silly and some serious. Half of the group hasn’t finished the book, and Katelyn admits to not even starting it.

Andrew is having a light argument with Bee about whether Emma is a likeable main character with others popping in their two cents when Neil first says something.

“I thought she was kind of fun,” Neil mumbled. When he looks up, Andrew has an unreadable expression on his face.

“See, Bee? She’s fun,” he says in a monotone. Neil has to fight the smile threatening to show.

The meeting is chaotic and warm, and Neil learns a great deal about the people in the room. He learns that Erik is a huge fan of the worst Austen movies, and that Katelyn barely reads but always shows up to book club. He also learns that Andrew is incredibly passionate about the books, but that doesn’t surprise him as much as it probably should.

The only awkward moment is at the end when everyone starts to help put their chairs back in place. When Neil offers to help, the room goes quiet.

“Take this,” Andrew says gruffly and shoves the tray of mostly finished treats at him. Andrew takes the coffee cups and walks to the back, so Neil follows him.

The back room is nearly as cozy as the front of the shop, and a girl that Neil didn’t even know was there is grabbing her bag to leave. Her name tag says ‘Robin’, and Andrew says bye to her almost fondly.

Neil puts the tray on the table in the middle of the room and watches Andrew move efficiently through the cramped space. He has a million questions to ask Andrew, but he’s not sure how to, so he contents himself with analyzing the room.

“You have a question,” Andrew says without turning around.

“I have lots of questions,” Neil says.

Andrew finally turns around and leans on the counter. “I’ll answer if you let me ask you something.”

Neil winces. “If it’s about the scars, you don’t need to bribe me to answer them.”

“It was something else, actually.”

Neil fidgets with the wheels for a moment. “Fine, I’ll answer your questions if you answer mine.”

Andrew tosses his phone to Neil, and Neil feels a little thrill as he enters his number in. He texts himself so he can program the number into his phone. Matt’s going to be so proud to hear that he got two numbers today.

Andrew doesn’t say anything when he gets his phone back, just puts a tupperware container on the table so that Neil can pack up the leftover treats.

Before Neil leaves, Andrew says “Next months book is Atonement.”

Neil wakes up to four text messages. One is from Matt asking how the night went, one is from Erik warning him that he gave Nicky his number, one is emoji filled from Nicky, and the last one is from Andrew. It just says ‘You go first’.

Neil spends his whole morning messing up his marking because he’s thinking too hard about what his first question will be for Andrew. He gives up trying to work when Sir knocks over his coffee and nearly breaks his laptop.

Neil: What made you want to own a bookstore?

Andrews reply comes faster than Neil was expecting. He feels a little thrill when he hears the ping of his phone.

Andrew: Everything you could ask me, and that was your question?

Neil: You never said that there were topics that weren’t allowed.

Andrew: ...exactly

Neil startles when his phone starts ringing on the sofa beside him. Sir gives him a wide eyed look until he picks it up.

“I thought you were at work,” he says to Andrew.

“I would say the same thing about you, but I’m starting to doubt whether you actually have a job.”

“I do have a job,” Neil says smugly. “I’m a university professor. I teach online classes. And you’re avoiding my question.”

“There aren’t any customers in here, smartass,” Andrew says not unkindly. Neil smothers a smile. “So do you still persist in asking me why I wanted to own a bookstore?”

“Yep.”

“I didn’t want to do anything,” Andrew says.

Neil stays quiet and waits for him to give him the rest of the answer.

“I like reading, and I don’t like libraries.”

“Okay,” Neil says. He feels strangely content on the phone. Normally he sucks on the phone, and forgets to answer. “Your turn.”

Andrew is quiet for a moment. “Why did you come to book club?”

“Matt told me I needed more friends, and he wouldn’t let me use Sir as an excuse not to go,” Neil says honestly. He’s found that ever since he became a real boy all those years ago, he has a hard time lying. It always leaves him feeling gross and wrong.

Andrew huffs on the other end of the phone. “You seem to have lots of friends.”

“That’s what I said. The argument wasn’t accepted.”

Sir meows at Neil until he arranges himself so she can sit on his lap.

“Is that your cat?” Andrew says, breaking a comfortable silence.

“You already asked your question,” Neil teases, tangling his hand in Sir’s fur. She starts her wheezing, loud purr and he can hear Andrew huff again.

“Tell your broken cat that she won’t make me look over your interest in math,” Andrew says.

“What?” Neil laughs. “Who told you I taught math?”

“You’ve caught everyone's attention. I can’t walk down the street without hearing a new fact about you,” Andrew says dryly. “Anyway, math is awful and a terrible subject to choose to study.”

“Math is interesting! It’s the only universal language!” Neil says, not nearly as upset about Andrews accusation as he normally would be. He’s halfway through a tangent on the wonders of math before he catches himself.

“Sorry,” Neil says sheepishly. “You’re probably not interested.”

“More than you would think,” Andrew says, sounding perturbed. “There’s a customer.”

Neil is surprised by the amount of disappointment he feels when the call stops.

It becomes a habit during the slow times in the day. Andrew calls Neil when he’s bored and finished putting away any new merchandise, or Neil will call Andrew when he’s tired of trying to understand his students confused writing. So far, Neil has learnt that Andrew was in juvie as a teen, and grew up in the foster care system. He learns that Nicky is their cousin and that he took surprisingly good care of Andrew and Aaron when they were angsty teens, and he learns that Andrew has always struggled with touch. He learns lighter things too, like how Andrews favourite movie is Baby Driver (but he will never admit that to anyone else because he has a reputation to uphold), and his favourite colour is blue.

Neil returns the favour but giving away as much information as he’s getting. During their eighth phone call he has a panic attack when he tells Andrew about his father, and how he came to be in a wheelchair. Andrew talks him through it calmly, and doesn’t give him any weird looks when he visits the bookstore two days later.

The month runs by much faster than Neil is used to, and he hasn’t called Matt in a lonely depression a single time. He feels oddly proud of himself for it.

When Nicky texts to remind him of the dinner that him and Erik are hosting, Neil is almost looking forward to it. He has heard from Nicky almost as much as Matt, and the texts have been just as enthusiastic.

He spends the afternoon before baking bread while he chats with Andrew. Andrew had practically forced him into accepting a ride in his ridiculous, fancy car, and has spent the entire afternoon giving him various warnings about Nicky and Aaron.

“Nicky will hug you,” Andrew says with a voice that sounds like he’s informing Neil of a death. “More than once. Erik’s not bad, but Nicky’s a hugger.”

Neil laughs while he kneads the bread. “It’s okay, Allison sits on my lap every time she sees me. People keep thinking we’re dating.”

Andrew hums in acknowledgement and continues with his warnings. “Aaron is judgy.”

“And you aren’t?” Neil says, thinking back to all of the customers that Andrew has thoroughly made fun of.

“He’s a different brand of judgy. Katelyn keeps it down for the most part, but he’s very rude,” Andrew says, like he doesn’t have any similar traits.

“How often do you all have dinner together?”

“A few times a year. Nicky insists on our family dinners.”

Neil pauses. “It’s a family dinner?”

The line goes quiet.

“Andrew? I can’t crash a family dinner,” Neil is starting to feel the root of panic in his chest.

“You wouldn’t be crashing it. Nicky and Erik invited you.”

“But he didn’t say it was for family,” Neil says nervously. Sir meows at him and jumps in his lap. He attempts to shove her off with his elbows so he doesn’t get flour on her.

“Neil,” Andrew says calmly. “I’m coming to get you in three hours. Sir is not an excuse to not come.”

“Fine.”

As promised, Andrew shows up at Neils door three hours later. His mouth goes dry when Neil opens the door. Neil has never put much effort into his appearance, so Andrew is definitely not ready for the button up shirt and styled hair. Neil's apartment smells like freshly baked bread, and the cat that he hears on the phone all the time is sitting comfortably on Neils lap, unconcerned with the fact that Neil is moving around the apartment and fidgeting while she does so.

The apartment is spare, with lots of space between furniture for Neil to move around. The kitchen counters a lower as well, and Neil navigates the room efficiently and quickly. He pushes off Sir with some reluctance, then grabs a loaf of bread and shoves it into Andrews hands so he can put on his jacket.

“You look nice,” Neil says nervously.

Andrew can feel his ears heat up. “You do too,” he says, though it comes out flat and uncaring. Neil beams anyway and leads the way out.

“You don’t have to be nervous,” Andrew finally says when they are both in the car and on their way. “Nicky would die for you.”

“Nicky barely knows me,” Neil says, looking baffled.

“It only takes him a few minutes to latch on to people. Look at me and Aaron. One glance and now he won’t let go.”

Neil smiles gently at him and goes back to fidgeting with his cuffs.

Andrew had never payed attention to the accessibility of places until he met Neil. He is extremely aware of how cracked and uneven the pavement is in front of Nicky’s, and all he can think about is how cramped the living room is.

Neil is looking at the pavement with trepidation. “Would you be able to help me, maybe…” Neil says quietly.

“Yes.”

Neil nods and pops open his wheelchair, moving into it with practiced ease. Andrew waits for him to get comfortable before standing behind him give the chair a push.

They make it safely to the front door, and as Nicky welcomes them in, Andrew notices that the furniture in the living room has been moved so there is more space. Erik notices him looking and smiles, offering a hand to Neil as they come inside.

Aaron and Katelyn are already there, sitting in the dining room. Katelyn greets Neil just like she had a book club and starts a conversation with him about their next book. He can see the relief written all over Neils expression.

When Andrew looks over at Aaron, he’s watching him and Neil with an inscrutable expression. Andrew offers the bread to Nicky, not bothering to say it was from Neil. They all know that Andrew has very little patience in the kitchen.

Dinner goes better than Andrew had hoped. No one questions Neil's place there, and he seems to have a good time talking to Erik in German. Andrew interjects every once in a while, and Nicky looks like he’s going to cry when Erik lights up when he realizes that Neil speaks his language fluently.

It’s not until dessert that Aaron opens his mouth to Neil.

“So what makes you so special?” Aaron says, fixing Neil a suspicious look.

Neil blinks, and pushes his plate of dessert to Andrew to finish.

“Umm…”

Katelyn elbows Aaron and gives him a significant look, and Nicky just looks tired.

“Normally only family gets invited to family dinner. And Andrew won’t even take the time out of his day to phone his own twin, so it’s kind of funny that you made your way in so easily.”

Neils expression shutters and Andrew pushes away the dessert.

“I’m sorry,” Neil says in his professional voice. “If I would have known that this was just for family, I would not have intruded.”

“Aaron, Erik and I invited him,” Nicky says with a look that Andrew hasn’t seen since they were teens and Erik was still in Germany.

“Neil, the bread you made was incredible. Do you bake often?” Katelyn says sweetly. Aaron catches her eye and they have a bit of a silent conversation while Neil stares at his plate.

“I just think it’s unusual that everyone loved him so quickly, that’s all,” Aaron says. The room, except Neil, seems to collectively understand what's happening at the same time. Aaron is upset that they took Neil in so quickly when he had to fight for Katelyn, and when Nicky had to fight for Erik.

“I think we’re done here,” Andrew says when he realizes that Neil isn’t going to say anything else. Neil knows the rocky history between Aaron and Andrew, and he didn’t seem to get in between the two of them.

“Would you like to take home some of the pudding, Andrew?” Erik says sadly. Nicky looks like he’s valiantly fighting off tears, and Katelyn's face is nearly as stoney as Neils.

“No, we’re going to go,” Andrew says, and Neil follows him out of the house. Andrew waits at the door so he can help him over the pavement, and no one says a word until they are both settled in the car.

“I told you I shouldn’t have come to a family dinner,” Neil says quietly. Not in a blaming way, just sadly.

“That’s bullshit,” Andrew says. His hands are gripping the steering wheel with more force than completely necessary.

“It’s okay Andrew. I didn’t want to cause a fight.”

“You didn’t cause one.” Andrew stops at a stop sign and turns to look at Neil. “You didn’t cause one, it was already there.”

He waits for Neil to nod before he goes again. The rest of the trip is quiet.

The excitement doesn’t catch up with Andrew until a few days later. He thought that he was dealing fine with Aaron until he woke up and couldn’t get the energy to get out of bed.

It would be easy to be mad at himself. He has a habit of doing that. Bee and Renee always tell him that healing is just like that, two steps forward and one step back, but it’s easy to forget how devastating it is when the step back comes.

He closes his eyes for a few minutes and it’s already 9:30.

The minutes drag by slowly and too fast all at the same time. He’s too hot but there isn’t any energy to push off the blankets or open a window. He stares blankly at the ceiling and fights desperately for the memories not to overwhelm.

He isn’t sure what time it is when his phone rings. He lets it go, but it starts ringing again after.

He finally reaches over to answer, not saying anything once the call connects.

“Andrew?” Neil’s tentative voice says through the speakers. “I’m at the store and it’s still closed. I was worried.”

Andrew can hear the concern. He sighs and closes his eyes again.

“Do you want me to hang up?”

“No.” Andrews voice is gravelly.

“Okay,” Andrew can hear Neil's wheels against the pavement. “Do you want me to come over? You can say no.”

Andrew barely has to think it over. He doesn’t want Neil to see him like this, but he can’t get out of bed and he needs someone to open the window for him. He gives Neil his address and holds the phone to his ear while he waits. Neil doesn’t hang up.

When Neil gets there, he tells him where the spare key is, and the front door clicks open not long after.

“Andrew?” Neil's voice echoes through the quiet house.

“Hey,” Neil says when he gets to Andrews bedroom door. He doesn’t come inside, just talks from the hallway. “Have you eaten anything yet?”

Andrew turns to look blearily at him, and Neil leaves to look around in the kitchen. He comes back some time later with toast and a glass of water, and waits for permission to come into the room. He sits beside Andrews bed and starts reading Atonement out loud while Andrew eats, stopping every once in a while to make sure he stays hydrated.

Andrew doesn’t know how long they sit like that before his brain stop cycling and he’s able to look at the room clearly.

“You can stop,” Andrew says when he realizes that Neil’s voice is starting to go from talking so much. “Here,” he says, handing Neil a blanket from his bed. The room is getting cold with the window open, but he doesn’t want it closed yet.

Neil leaves much later, once it’s already dark outside, and Andrew manages to get some real sleep that night.

“Seriously buddy, I can’t believe you didn’t just chew him out,” Matt is still going on over the phone about the failed dinner party from a week ago. Neil is updating one of his courses while Matt rants. “What a dick move. Although, now that I think about it…”

After the silence goes on for longer than necessary, Neil says “Go on.”

“It’s notoriously difficult to get an invite to a Minyard family dinner.”

“You’re acting like it’s the Met Gala.”

“Hey, you remember what the Met Gala is! And I’m serious. It took Katelyn, like, two years of dating Aaron before she was allowed to go. Andrew refuses to have extra people there.”

“I know, that’s why Aaron was mad. And stop talking about Andrew like he’s not being reasonable.”

Matt is quiet for a bit. “I just think that Andrew should have been more open minded to Katelyn, and I wish that Aaron hadn’t been rude to you.” “You don’t know the whole story.”

“I know,” Matt sighs. “Out of everyone in the whole world, why did you choose Andrew Minyard?” The question doesn’t sound judging, just genuinely curious.

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve never looked twice at anyone else. What is it about Andrew that caught your attention?”

“Andrew and I aren’t dating,” Neil says for the millionth time. Although, the more he thinks about it, the more Neil decides that maybe he would like that.

The usual suspects are at book club that Tuesday, all clutching their versions of Atonement. Some are filled with post-it notes and written all over, and others are in impeccable condition. Neil’s is somewhere in between. He didn’t manage to finish this one yet either, but he was pretty proud of himself for getting almost three quarters of the way through.

Erik and Katelyn come over to talk to him before anyone else. Neil can tell that it’s an apology of sorts, but he’s just glad that they don’t mention anything outright. He would rather pretend that nothing happened.

He waves at Andrew when he comes in, and Andrew gives him his coffee before putting the rest of the mugs down on the table. Katelyn winks at him for some reason at that.

The conversation is more somber for this book, but Neil enjoys it just as much, and he has much more to say now that he’s more comfortable with everyone. He also notices that there are more savoury options on the sweats tray.

Neil stays back to help clean the dishes in the back, and then stays after they’re all done. Bee smiles at Andrew before she leaves, and Erik promises to organize a movie night or something with them all, and then the shop is empty except for Neil and Andrew.

“I have a question,” Neil says before he can lose his nerve.

Andrew nods once and watches him intensely, like he always does.

“Are you… Would you-,” Neil tries to line up his thoughts into a sentence that doesn’t sound weird or embarrassing.

Andrew doesn’t say anything, just watches him fluster his way through his words.

“I would like to kiss you,” Neil finally says.

“That’s not a question,” Andrew says, and for the first time in months, Neil can’t quite read his expression.

“The question was implied,” Neil says nervously.

“If this is some sort of sexuality crisis, I don’t want to be your experiment.”

“This isn’t a sexuality crisis. I’ve never been interested in anyone like I am in you.”

Neil’s pretty sure that the shop has never been this silent before. “I’ll leave,” Neil finally says. He can feel a rock in his throat that makes him want to be in bed with Sir’s comforting warmth on his chest. He tries to not think of the fact that Andrew probably won’t call him tomorrow like he usually does.

“Don’t be stupid,” Andrew says before Neil can get to the door. He raises an eyebrow after Neil turns around. “I didn’t say no.”

“You didn’t say yes either.” Andrew's face does something complicated. “Yes.”

Neil goes to Andrew, where he’s still sitting in the one armchair that he always chooses for book club.

“Yes?” Neil says when he’s right beside Andrew.

Andrew’s eyes are dark when he says, “yes.”

Andrew kisses as passionately as he argues about books, and Neils mind stops for a blissful moment. He can feel every inch of Andrews hand pulling him in by the back of his neck, feel the heat of Andrews body being so close.

He feels dazed when Andrew pulls away, and is pleased to see that Andrew looks nearly as ruffled as Neil feels.

“Would you like to go on a date?” Neil says.

“I thought you already asked your question,” Andrew says, eyes dancing with mirth.

“Technically the first one wasn’t actually a question.”

Andrew's mouth quirks up on one side.

Their date turns out to be a nice dinner at a park that Neil later admits was suggested by Allison. Andrew doesn’t mind, because he’s pretty sure that it would have been at the cafe if it was just up to Neil.

Andrew wishes everything was as easy as it was to start seeing Neil. Neil was practically incapable of keeping his emotions in around Andrew, and his bluntness made sure that miscommunication was avoided.

Aaron was a different story. All that Andrew wanted to do was ignore everyone else and let them figure out that Neil and Andrew were… something. Dating, he supposed. Unfortunately, Bee nearly forced him to talk it out with Aaron.

So here he is, holding his phone on a Saturday morning, waiting for his brother to pick it up.

He sighs when Aaron picks up, and is briefly tempted to just hang up and continue their relationship as it’s been for the past few years.

“Andrew?” Aaron says groggily. He sounds worried.

“Aaron.”

“Are you… dying or something?”

Andrew sighs again. “No. I wanted to talk.”

There’s a stunned silence, and then the sound of Aaron getting up and moving around.

“Okay,” he says hesitantly. “That’s… nice. Good. How is the store?”

“Good.”

“Okay.”

Andrew resists the urge to sigh again. “How is your job.”

“The hospital has been good. Busy, like always, but it’s been really good. Katelyn is working today, actually, so it’s just me home right now.”

The silence stretches like an elastic. Andrew wishes that he was talking to Neil, then blinks in surprise at his thoughts. He didn’t realize how much he actually enjoyed just talking to Neil.

“Is there something that you wanted to talk about in particular?” Aaron asks.

“I,” Andrew starts. It’s more difficult to get the words out than he thought it would be, but he squares his shoulders. “I am sorry that I didn’t like Katelyn. And Neil and I are together.”

“Oh. I mean, I knew you guys were dating.”

“No, you didn’t,” Andrew says, not bothering to explain that they didn’t start until recently. Aaron just huffs.

“Well, thank you,” Aaron says. “And… I’m sorry. About what I said to Josten.”

Andrew nods once, even though he knows that Aaron can’t see him.

“Erik invited us to that movie night. Are you going to come?”

“Yes,” Andrew says, already exhausted by this conversation.

“Okay. Well, see you then.”

“Yep,” Andrew says, then waits for Aaron to hang up.

Neil is stuck in that moment between sleep and waking, the feverish version of everyday life. He can see the soft grey of his bedroom wall, and the brick of the basement in Baltimore at the same time. Hear the whir of the ceiling fan and the giggles of Lola, smell the citrusy scent of his cleaning supplies and the metallic tang of blood.His legs ache in both realities.

As his mind clears, he realizes that the pain in his legs is likely what brought the past back so clearly. He stares hard at the white ceiling in an attempt to stop the thoughts spinning around his mind.

Tonight is movie night, he remembers.

It’s raining outside, the first rain for most of the summer and probably the reason for the constant discomfort in his tendons. He was hoping that he was past this, even though Abby was always warning him that there would always be times that this would happen. Long term pain couldn’t be avoided with that much damage, he would just have to have plans in place for when it hit.

Neil spends most of the morning trying very hard not to move, and not to think about his legs. It’s harder to distract himself when he doesn’t have anything to entertain himself. Sir seems thrilled with their extended lie-in, and he contents himself with watching her little belly move while she breathes.

The abrupt ringing of his phone startles him, sending sharp pains down to his feet. It takes eons for Neil to move enough that he can reach the phone. It’s already gone to voicemail by the time he’s caught his breath enough to look at who called. He calls Andrew back immediately.

“Nicky wants us to come by at 4 so we can have dinner and talk first,” Andrew says with vague disgust in his voice. It’s almost enough to make Neil smile. Unfortunately, he feels to guilty about the fact that he isn’t sure whether he’ll even make it to Nicky’s tonight.

“Hi,” he says to Andrew. “That’s usually how people start their conversations. With a greeting.”

Andrew snorts quietly. “Because you always follow societal conventions.”

Neils stifles a groan as he tries to sit up. He gives up in an awkward, half slumped position.

“Neil?” Andrew’s tone has changed and Neil realizes that Andrew had said something.

“Sorry, what were you saying?” he says, strain evident in his voice.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing, I’m fine.” Neil can hear how pathetic it sounds, and desperately hopes that Andrew doesn’t. He doesn’t want Andrew to see how high maintenance he is when they’ve only been dating for a little bit.

“Where are you?” Andrew sounds concerned, and Neils gut clenches a bit.

“I’m at home, I’m fine.” “I’m coming over.”

“No, you don’t need to. You’ll see me tonight, anyway.”

Neil can hear a murmured conversation, muffled by a hand. “Robins taking the desk, and I’m coming over.”

“Wait, Robin is there? What time is it?” Neil can feel the first sparks of anxiety.

“It’s almost 2,” Andrew says, panting slightly as he walks.

Neil thinks of all the things he was supposed to do today. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to come to movie night,” Neil says, trying to quash the panicked note in his voice. “I have a lot to do today, I was supposed to have an online meeting at 10 and I totally forgot. And I need to record a few audio recordings to go with the notes for the last unit. And-”

“Neil,” Andrew waits until Neil stops rambling. “I’m at your door and I’m coming in, okay?”

Neil makes a noise of assent and clutches the phone to his ear until he hears Andrew walk in.

Andrews silhouette fills the doorway to Neils bedroom seconds later, and he becomes overly aware of how he looks, sagging on the bed with blankets strewn around him. Sir sits up sleepily and blinks at the intruder, then starts to have a very noisy bath. Neil gives Andrew a guilty look.

“What's wrong?” Andrew says, and his voice is so gentle that Neil has to blink away tears.

“I just slept in, thats all,” Neil says, like his bedroom doesn’t look like a murder scene. He thinks of the wheelchair, walker and other equipment sitting around his room. He’s trying to remember whether he put away all of the physical therapy equipment when Andrew sits down slowly on the edge of his bed.

“Are you sick?”

Neil sighs. “No, it’s the rain.”

A small wrinkle forms in between Andrews brows.

“My legs. The change in weather makes them hurt sometimes. Which is stupid, because the weather is always changing around here.” Neil tries to smile and fails miserably.

“What can I do?”

Neil blinks rapidly at the ceiling. He can hear Sir leave the room and feels irrationally abandoned by her.

“Have you eaten yet?” Andrew says, changing tactics. He leaves too when Neil shakes his head, and the lonely feeling reappears.

Both the cat and his boyfriend come back minutes later, the latter carrying a plate of food and a mug of tea with him. He also has pain pills in his hand.

“I was assuming that these would help, though I’m not sure how they were going to do that from the kitchen,” Andrew says.

“I have to have them with food.”

Andrew has managed to find one of the fancy trays that Allison bought him years ago and helps him prop himself up against the pillows before placing it down on his lap. There are fresh cut strawberries and bread with honey on his plate, and Neil stares at Andrew while he bustles around the room. He’s so focused on how his hair shines in the sunlight now streaming from his window that he almost doesn’t notice that Andrew’s cleaning the floor so that his wheelchair can move around easier.

“Stop looking at me like that,” Andrew says, but the blush rising in his ears betrays his feelings.

“You didn’t have to come here,” Neil says.

“What do you do when you’re by yourself and this happens?”

Neil shrugs. “I lie in bed until I think that I can manage moving, and then I take the pills with crackers or something. And then I end up sleeping on the couch most of the day because the pills make me feel weird.”

Andrew thinks for a moment. “Do you need ice? Or a heating pad?”

“Ice would be nice,” Neil mumbles into his tea.

Andrew pauses in the doorway, looking oddly hesitant. He nods to himself before opening his mouth. “Do you ever resent being in the wheelchair?”

Neil considers the question for long enough that Andrew almost leaves without an answer. “I used to. I was really angry after it all, and it felt like I couldn’t do anything by myself. But once all of the bandages were off and Abby had taught me how to do everything, I was really glad for the wheelchair. It means that I can be independent and move around without as much pain as the walker. And there are some benefits,” Neil grins. “I can move around the apartment and still let Sir sit on my lap.”

Andrew turns around, but Neil catches the small smile on his face before he goes.

Half an hour later and Neil is swaddled in blankets, comfortably full, and sandwiched between Andrew and Sir while they watch a baking show that Andrew made him swear that he would never tell Nicky that he liked.

Matt and Dan have always tried to get Neil to call them over when this happened, and now he is starting to see why. He feels safe and almost comfortable, the pain down to a manageable level with the care that he has been given. He wonders what it would have been like if he had admitted to needing help years ago.

“How would you feel about inviting everyone here instead,” Andrew says suddenly, pushing Neil out of his head. “You don’t have to. We could reschedule movie night, Nicky would understand.”

“Aaron wouldn’t,” Neil says with something close to a pout.

Andrew’s lips twitch upward before he gets control of his expression. “Aaron would understand too.”

“I couldn’t feed them, though,” Neil says morosely. He had been looking forward to this, strangely. Maybe because this time his friends were invited too. It was sure to be loud and chaotic, but Neil thought that it would be nice for all of his favourite people to be in one room.

“Idiot,” Andrew says with too much fondness for it to be insulting. “Nicky and Matt will bring food. And Renee’s doing dessert.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah, okay.”

Andrew watches their friends and family get comfortable in Neil’s tiny living room. All of them are holding mismatched plates filled with food and have managed to move enough things around that they could all fit in front of the TV.

Neil is sitting beside him in the corner of the sectional, legs stretched out in front of him and a plate of fruit in his hands. He still looks pale and tired, but he keeps giving Andrew a brilliant smile and he belly laughed at a joke that Matt made, so Andrew has decided that offering to bring everyone to him was a good idea after all.

Matt and Dan have somehow contorted themselves so that they can fit on the armchair beside the couch, and Aaron and Katelyn are snuggled up on the other side of the couch. Aaron had even given Neil a respectful nod and a booklet of well-meaning advice on how to care for his legs when they arrived.

(Andrew had seen the way Neil tried not to laugh when he looked through the booklet, and how his muscles seemed to relax at the lack of a rude greeting from his brother)

Erik and Nicky were cuddled on Neil’s comforter on the floor, with Renee and Allison beside them. Kevin was leaned up against the armchair and cheerfully arguing with Aaron about what a proper diet looks like.

The movie had started half an hour ago, but most of them were talking over it while Nicky shushed everyone.

Andrew’s chest is holding an expanding warm feeling while he watches the mayhem, and when he turns to look at Neil, Neil’s expression mirrors the warmth.

When Neil falls asleep on his shoulder later while Sir kneads his lap, and his brother nods acceptance at him, he knows that this will be his future.

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13-reasons-ideas · 4 years

Text

Can’t Go Back Part 7

A/N: I had some issues with inspiration for this chapter, so it is more of a filler chapter. I hope you still like it. The next chapters will be better, I promise. It’s a shorter one. Like and reblog. As always, much love.

I was in the kitchen typing feverously on my laptop when Monty got home from practice. “Hey Addy. What are you working on?”

“College essay.” I replied, not looking up at him.

“How’s it going?”

“Fine. I have to write like three more though after this one. And my top three schools want creative writing samples.”

Monty whistled. “You know it’s only the end of October, right?”

“I know but early decisions are due by like the middle of November for Ole Miss and NYU. My safety schools are due by mid-December.”

“You could also apply for regular admission too. Save yourself the stress rash.”

“Says the boy who has athletic scholarships coming out his ass. You don’t need to make a decision until regular admissions open, at the earliest.”

“With your grades, I see no reason you wouldn’t get an academic scholarship babe.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do though. Have a little hope.”

“I’ll try. For now though, I’m going to spend as much of my free time as I can, writing essays and hounding my teachers for recommendation letters.”

“Okay then. Have you eaten yet?”

“Depends what you consider eating.”

“Food. Not dry cereal, real food.”

“Oh, then no.”

“Addison.”

I looked up at him, “Montgomery.”

“It’s almost seven.”

“Really?” I looked at the clock on my laptop and saw the time for the first time since I got home. “Oh, look at that.”

“Yeah. What do you want to eat?”

“Doesn’t matter, what did you want? I stopped at Walplex on the way home for a few things.”

He opened the fridge and examined the contents. “Was the chicken for something specific?”

“The fresh or roasted?”

“Roasted.”

“No, it was fresh when I got to the store and it was on sale, so I shredded it when we got home. What did you have in mind?”

“Chicken pot pie?”

“Even though it has vegetables?”

“There’s enough stuff in it to cover up the vegetable taste.”

“Sure. Whatever chicken we don’t use tonight can go in the freezer. Can you proofread this after dinner?”

“Of course.” He said as he grabbed one of the ziplocs of chicken. I saved my work and got up to help him. Together, we made dinner, with only the occasional snack or errant vegetable being tossed at each other. The puff pastry I had spent the entire weekend making, worked well. That went in the freezer along with the chicken at the end of the night.

The following morning went a little smoother than usual. Monty was a little less of a pain to get out of bed, so I didn’t need to call Charlie or make outrageous requests to get him up. I brought my laptop to school so I could work on my applications during my free period. “You need to give yourself a break Addy.”

“Can’t take a break. This determines my future. It determines our future, depending where I get in.”

“I suppose you’re right.” I smiled at him as we left the house, knowing the issue would be at rest for now.

We met Scott and Charlie to grab coffee from Monet’s before school. As we were waiting for our orders, Justin and Clay came in. “Oh joy. Here we go again.” Monty muttered to Charlie. They ordered and walked over to us.

“Hey Addy.”

“Hey Justin. Clay.”

“Hey.” Clay replied, awkwardly nodding to Monty and his friends.

“Something is different about you.” Justin said.

“I think it’s called, ‘I didn’t go to sleep until three thirty in the morning and had an energy drink before breakfast.’” Monty said.

“Ew.” Clay muttered, under his breath. We still heard him though.

“Not that it’s gross, but we weren’t up. I’ve been told that’s not allowed by my surgeon. She was up writing until three thirty, when I rolled over and the light woke me up.”

“Oh.” Clay blushed, embarrassed.

“College applications.” I explained.

“It’s October Addy.” Clay pointed out.

“That’s what I told her last night. Would she listen?”

“No. Of course, she wouldn’t.” Clay chuckled. I stood to the side, watching their interaction, my eyes shifting between Scott and Charlie, and Justin. They’re seeing this too, right?

“She brought her laptop with her so she can work on them more.”

“Of course, she did.”

“Okay. I have my coffee we can go now.”

“Sure.”

“Hey Addison, lunch today?” Clay asked after us.

“Okay. I’ll see you then.” I said Monty put his arm around my shoulder and we left the café.

Since we were running early again, I spent the morning with Monty’s friends. “How’s your knee today?” Mark asked.

“It’s fine. Same as yesterday.”

“How long did the doctor say you would be on crutches?”

“A few weeks. Then I can start walking and doing physical therapy. The goal is being back to training and sports by sometime between February and April.”

“That really sucks. Got any more stories for us this morning Addison?”

“Hmmm… let me think.” I adjusted my bag while I thought. My ring caught the light glimmering brightly and I smiled. I think I’m going to like this wearing my ring in public thing.

“Does he actually help you grocery shop or does he just put random stuff in the cart?” Garrison asked.

“He helps, usually. Sometimes it’s more of a ‘can we get this’ kind of help, but he helps yes. That reminds me, we need to go grocery shopping on Saturday.”

“Okay. Why?”

“My mom’s birthday dinner Sunday night? It’s on the calendar in the kitchen. Also, do you enjoy having food in the house?”

“Right, right. Do you think she would be mad if I got her another world’s best professor mug? And yes. Food is nice.”

“Mad? No. Annoyed? Probably.”

“What do you suggest I get her then?”

“A candle? Women like candles.” Aaron suggested. Monty gave him a jokingly unamused look and then looked at me.

“Trust me, I know. I made the mistake of saying she could use the joint chequing account at Bath and Body Works. The house smelled like watermelon for weeks. And almost fell over when I saw how much it cost.”

“It was watermelon lemonade or rosewater and ivy. We both agreed that one smelled bad. You left out the part where you smelled like every other candle in the store and didn’t like the ones I picked. She likes tea?”

“To go with her various world’s best professor mugs. I like the way you think.”

“You like a lot of things about me.” I rolled my eyes, leaning against his side gently.

“You guys are cute. It’s gross.” Bryce commented.

“Thanks Bryce.” I smiled brightly, really laying on the cheeriness in my tone. He merely raised his brow. The first bell rang, cutting our story time short. “I’ll see you after school babe. I love you.” I stood on my tip toes and kissed Monty, perhaps more deeply than was decent at school or around his friends. His eyes were wide but had a vaguely hungry look to them.

“I love you too.” With that, I scurried off to US government and politics.

At lunch, I walked into the cafeteria and people stared at me, not that I expected anything less. It was still rather off-putting though. Clay and Justin waved me over to their table. Alex scooted over so I could sit next to him. “How was class?” he asked, unsure of where to start our conversation. It’s not like I’m suddenly a different person Alex. I’m the same as I was before everyone knew about Monty.

“It was okay. US government was boring, but it usually is. I got a literary review back in English literature. I did better on it than I expected.”

“Addy, you usually do better than you expect.” Justin complained from across the table.

“Yes, because if I set my expectations low, then I’m not crushed when I don’t do as well. But how was class for you Alex?”

“Boring. History was boring and Coach Rick hates me so there’s that. Biology was a nightmare. We were talking about our frog dissection coming up and these two cheerleaders practically screamed when we watched the video on it.”

“Well that sounds entertaining.”

“How are your applications coming Addy?” Clay asked.

“They’re coming. It’s just kind of annoying. I need creative writing samples to send along with my essays, so I was up late writing. Nothing was flowing the way I wanted it to.”

“I know the feeling.” He muttered. Justin laughed while Alex and I just shared a look. Clearly, we were missing something. Zach came over to our table and sat down.

“Hey guys.” He greeted, pulling out his lunch.

“Hey.” I replied. I was still slightly ticked off about his comments yesterday.

“Not sitting with Monty today Addy?”

“Nope.”

“Okay. Do you want some of my crackers?”

“Uh… sure?” This is odd. He passed me the container and I took some, placing them on top of my own container. There was an awkward silence, none of us really knowing how to proceed. I braced myself when Zach opened his mouth to speak.

“So, can you tell us how meeting his parents went?”

“Sure?” I asked, confused that that was what he wanted to hear about. “It was strange. His dad doesn’t like anyone really, so it wasn’t surprising when he didn’t like me, but I wasn’t exactly expecting him to immediately not like me. Lucy liked me right away, but I’m still not sure if it’s because it was so rare for him to bring a girl home, or if she actually liked me.”

“What happened?”

“His dad, ever the charmer and wonderful husband and father, sat on his ass and stared at Monty and I while his mom made dinner. Like, I don’t think he stopped looking at us. It was so uncomfortable and definitely didn’t help my nerves. At dinner-Lucy insisted, Monty tried to keep it to coffee or something short-they asked me a lot of questions. His dad liked me even less when I said I want to be a writer.”

“They didn’t try to argue with you or anything?”

“Nope. Thankfully they didn’t. Because I might have cried if they did, I was so nervous.”

“Is his dad really as bad as everyone thinks?” Clay asked.

“Honestly Clay?”

“Yeah.”

“I think he might be worse.” My friends sat with that assessment of character for a while before we moved onto lighter topics, average high school stuff. Shortly before lunch ended, Justin suggested an… interesting idea.

“Why don’t you invite us over for dinner this weekend? They can get to know Monty better and maybe whatever weird thing happened this morning can be avoided again.” I blinked at him, unsure if he was being serious or not. He nodded at me, encouragingly.

“It would probably have to be Saturday. It’s my mom’s birthday Sunday and we are having her over for dinner. And I need to discuss it with Monty first.”

“That’s okay, right guys?” He prompted, looking around the table. My friends nodded, though seemed reluctant.

“I’ll talk to him tonight and let you know tomorrow?”

“Great.” He agreed, as the bell rang.

Oh, what have I gotten myself into now? Hopefully Monty is open to spending an evening with my friends.

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braindamageforbeginners · 6 years

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The apocalypse is here

Pictured above: Either the I5 North or the current political races. I’m no longer sure. So, this will take a bit of time to get to, but I promise it’ll be good. I guarantee that, I’ll be quoting directly from candidate statements/descriptions (we’ll get back to the abyss soon enough, and the time a DIY project almost killed/crippled Dad)(the man attempted an electrical project, I’d like to point I quietly though this was a bad idea). Anyway, I’m certain that decent, kind, honest, noble, and educated and mostly-human Congresscritters must exist - people do vote for them, after all. However, having met one Congressman and, being lied to the staff of another (pro-tip; no matter how pro-military or manly and awesome you like to think you are, it’s not a reassuring thing to your constituents if there’s an explosion on a large photo in your office. So I have rather low regard for them, as a group (I know, that’s baseless stereotyping).

So you can imagine my surprise at coming to rest in Daryl Issa’s old district, a man so loathed even by his own party that they quietly told him to go away. I’ve seen a lot of strange political events, but, believe me when I say I’ve never seen anything like this; a completely vacant Congressional seat that could be inhabited by a Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Green, or even some type of salamander (the salamander would’ve been an improvement over Jerry Lewis). Anyway, since there are also assorted state assembly judicial races at stake, they’re all included in this pamphlet (and potentially included in this oversized piece). As usual, I will be selecting choice quotes, and, remember, candidates may include an age and/or occupation.

Kistin Gaspar: “[...] A mother, small business owner, and the mayor of encinitas, she has the get-it-done approach we need in Congress.” Fantastic, just as I start to enjoy the peace and quiet of life without Larry the Cable Guy in the public light, there’s this call-back. Or so I thought, until I found out that the “Get It Done” app is used in our area to report “non-emergency problems to the city.” Now, I hate potholes as much as any American (possibly more, since I used to live in a country where drivers used them to help corner while going 80 mph on unpaved roads). Still, “Fixing potholes” seems a little below the pay-grade of a pre-conviction congresswoman.

Diane Harkey: Healthcare: Diane will worke for policies that increase choice, costs, and allow patietns and doctors to decide what care is best. No, no, she isn’t. Diane’s endorsed/puppeted by the American Independent Party, so she has about as much chance of winning as a large rock. But, more importantly, I’m pretty sure the AIP is only concerned with healthcare as a business that sends them money. The big take-away here is less what I say, and more the fact that third party-associated candidates with little-to-no chance of winning feel compelled to tell everyone their healthcare system will be fine, even if it won’t.

David Medway: “I want to protect working families from increasing taxes, healthcare bills, and gun violence (while protecting our right to bear arms). I want to prevent national catastrophes like pandemics (which I wrote a book about) and environmental disasters (such as protecting our coastline from nuclear waste and oil spills that would devastate our shores). I support women’s rights and the melting pot of cultures tha tmake up California. I support lower taxes, less government and the best healthcare and education in the world for all Americans at reasonable prices. Please define “reasonable,” sir, I suspect our answers will differ. Also, you’ll notice he’s making the classic math mistake - better, improved services at a mere fraction of the tax cost! Which is a bullshit political statement/proposal. You might be able to get a great vaccuum cleaner for a fraction of the name-brand because slavery is still totally legal in some parts of the world (meaning the company saves a lot on payroll), and wholesalers/transportation will give bulk purchase discounts. Unless your local police and firefighters are staffed by robots (always a possibility), imagine City Hall telling them that they now have to do the same job, only much better, and with a pay cut. Oh, and we’re firing one-in-three of their employees. Society tried hat in Silicon Valley (with choppy results), I don’t think you want to try it with ambulances.

Crag Nordal: “I am an Evangelical Christian who will defend and protect Israel, protect innocent human life from conception to birth, and to natural death, defend and protect marriage between a man and a woman, restore Christian and Jewish morals and ethics to our public schools, and protect religious freedoms. I vow to enforce and enhance border security, build that wall, protect and defend our 2nd Amendment as an NRA life member, and wok to shrink government daily and drain that swamp. I believe I have a conviction from God, to enter this race. I ask that you consider my moral character and conviction above any other experience or attributes. Nothing is more important in selecting our leaders in in the Congress of the United States of America. Our country is engaged in a spiritual battle between the guiding force of moral law and those that are working to remove God from every aspect of our society. We need Christian moral leaders to stand up and fight for the God given rights that our Founding Fathers based our Declaration of Independence and the United States Constitution. In the creation of this great country God and His laws were relied on to form the greatest founding documents of any country ever formed by men, and thereby the greatest country ever conceived. The United States was formed to be God’s hammer in this world to contain and destroy evil.” Holy shit (almost literally), is there a lot to discuss - I included all of it because every time I thought I’d gotten to the funny/pertinent point, it went on, like a Harry Potter book . First of all, even though you get looney-tune candidates like this and parts of the GOP that always like to nod to the idea of instituting a theocracy, let’s get that out of the way; this is basic civics, First Amendment expressly forbids the idea of instituting a state religion. Speaking of which, even if that were legally possible, whose religion? When he simultaneously restores Jewish and Christian ethics to the schools, will bacon be allowed in those schools? You get a different answer depending on if you go to church on Saturday or Sunday (which is also something different Christian sects have different ideas on). For the purposes of brevity, I’ll have to just say, everyone’s welcome to their own religion, but the institution of a theocracy - while appealing in theory - would be horrific, brutal, and possibly genocidal (I’ll admit I like the idea of communism, in theory, but I’ve seen enough of the results in the real world to know it’s not a good idea). Also, I appreciate his desire to look after Israel, which is always a positive attribute when you’re voting for someone to look after your own country’s interests (I know there’s a tenuous Biblical connection, but, come on, guys, Isarel’s gotta start fending for itself)(the flip side of hat sentiment would be, “We can talk about Israel when every American has a job, home, and healthcare”). And there’s “I believe I have a conviction from God.” We all have convictions, maybe some of them come from God, but most are personal. Unless he means “I believe I have a mission from God.” Which is more grammatically correct, and, compared to the rest, no crazier or dumber. BTW, I feel like I have to put out a disclaimer about religion and say that I don’t really care if you’re religious, or, as long as it’s not hurting anyone to what extent your religion informs policy proposals (and I wouldn’t expect anyone to be able to determine exactly where one ends and the other begins; our minds just aren’t built that way) - there’s a massive difference between that and standing up in the middle of church (let alone Congress) and shouting, “GOD COMMANDS ME TO CAST OUT THE UNWORTHY.” I do like his demand that we judge him exclusively on his faith and not on what he says, does, or anything else that might involve objective reality. Oh, and that bit about “God’s hammer in this world” really upset me when I first read it, and I couldn’t figure why, until I remembered this quote, “ "I am the Flail of God. If you had not committed great sins, God would not have sent a punishment like me upon you. “ which is attributed to Genghis Khan (even if you think the temporary stability and increased trade in Asia as a result of the Mongol Empire is awesome, remember that 40-60 million people died due to his campaigns and policies)(the Mongols tended to obliterate cropland, so whoever they didn’t kill usually starved).

Robert Pendleton MD, PhD - Surgeon/Biochemist/Small Businessman/Visual Artist: “ My name is Robert Pendelton Md PhD and I feel a calling to awaken the apathetic and unite disenfranchised moderates. I am an eye-surgeon, biochemist, small businessman, and visual artist, and the K9USA Party is my vision for a better world. K9 is a political party and philosophy of decision-making based upon the attributes of dogs that make “man’s best-friend” so special: Unconditional Love, Simple Needs, and Readiness to Defend. Adapted to national politics, international politics, and our personal lives, these attributes become the nine K9 principles: Socially Progressive, Fiscally Conservative, and militarily prepared (national, Altruistic, Sovereign, and United (international), and Loving, Lean and Strong (personal).2020 Application of K9 Principles yields the “six results” of Tolerance, Security, Health, Happiness, Peace and Freedom. My “2020 Vision” is for the K9USA Party to elect a majority of representatives (50% women) to the United States Congress and Presidency by the year 2020... Donkeys and elephants have failed. It’s time for dogs to lead.” I have only just heard of this man and I love him.

#quie

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techcrunchappcom · 4 years

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New Post has been published on https://techcrunchapp.com/white-house-admission-on-pandemic-overshadows-trumps-lastpush-for-reelection-cnn/

White House admission on pandemic overshadows Trump's last push for reelection - CNN

“We are not going to control the pandemic,” Meadows told CNN’s Jake Tapper on “State of the Union” Sunday, arguing that “proper mitigation factors” like therapies and vaccines should be the priority.

The window into the administration’s thinking came as Trump spent the weekend constructing a giant confidence trick for voters, declaring the country was “rounding the corner beautifully” in the battle against Covid-19.

The latest signs that Trump is putting his political priorities ahead of his duty of care to the American people come as the President plans a frantic week of packed rallies that flout good social distancing practice.

View Trump and Biden head-to-head polling

But the weekend of grim health data and controversy means the climax of the campaign will be overshadowed by the pandemic — a tough reality for Trump since 60% of Americans in a recent CNN Poll disapproved of his crisis management. The President has all along downplayed the threat from the virus. He mocked mask wearing, turning the practice into a culture war issue, and pressured Republican governors to open their states before the virus was under control, helping to unleash a wave of infections in the Sun Belt during the summer. As a result, his handling of the pandemic is a central campaign issue, and his behavior in recent days signals there will be no change to the White House’s approach to the pandemic if he wins the election — no matter how bad the virus gets this winter.

The final week of the campaign opens with Trump trailing Biden in national popular vote polls by 9 or 10 points and by smaller margins in many of the states that will decide the election on November 3. If the polling is accurate, Trump does have a narrow path to reelection but will need to make good on his vow to massively expand his political base with new conservative voters, and he will have to almost run the table in competitive states.

Remarkably, more than 58 million Americans have cast early ballots, surpassing all early voting in the 2016 election, meaning that it will be more difficult for either candidate to shake up the dynamics of the race at the last minute. Biden appears to have more routes to the 270 electoral votes needed for victory, but Democrats are nervous after a late surge by Trump in 2016 carried him to a shock victory over Hillary Clinton.

“I’m one of those folks, or competitors, it’s not over till the bell rings. And I feel superstitious when I predict anything other than going to be a hard fight,” Biden said in an interview aired on CBS’ “60 Minutes” on Sunday when asked whether Trump could still defeat him. “We feel good about where we are. But, you know, I don’t underestimate how he plays.”

Meadows sends shock waves through Washington

The extent to which the White House has all but given up fighting the pandemic — for instance, public briefings by top government scientists have disappeared — was made clear by Meadows.

The issue with his comments is that a vaccine, even if it is approved by regulators in the coming months, is unlikely to be available to all Americans by well into next year. The kind of state-of-the-art treatments that helped Trump beat his case of Covid-19 are not yet available to the general public or the tens of thousands of Americans now getting infected every day. Public health officials like Dr. Robert Redfield, the head of the CDC, have said masks are one of the most powerful weapons to fight the virus.

Biden leapt on Meadows’ comments as he tries to make a case that Trump’s denial and downplaying of the greatest public health crisis in 100 years means he should be disqualified from serving a second term.

He said the White House chief of staff had “stunningly admitted this morning that the administration has given up on even trying to control this pandemic, that they’ve given up on their basic duty to protect the American people.

“This wasn’t a slip by Meadows, it was a candid acknowledgment of what President Trump’s strategy has clearly been from the beginning of this crisis: to wave the white flag of defeat and hope that by ignoring it, the virus would simply go away. It hasn’t, and it won’t.”

The President and Pence — the head of the coronavirus task force — have consistently refused to model the social distancing and mask wearing that is the most effective way to cut infections until treatments and vaccines arrive.

On Sunday for instance, the President mixed with supporters who were unmasked and closely huddled together, offering fist bumps and signing “Make America Great Again” hats.

That is exactly the wrong message the President should be sending given a new modeling study from the University of Washington’s Institute for Health Metrics and Evaluation that notes that in September only 49% of Americans reported that they “always” wear a mask in public. If that number was 95%, more than 100,000 lives could be saved from Covid-19 through February, according to the study.

In a new opinion piece in The Wall Street Journal on Sunday, Dr. Scott Gottlieb, the former commissioner of the Food and Drug Administration, warned that it might be time to consider a limited and temporary national mask mandate.

“Deaths are starting to rise again, and vaccines won’t be widely available until next year even in the best-case scenario. Everyone banding together to wear masks, for a limited time, will be the least costly way for society to weather a difficult winter,” Gottlieb wrote.

Pence an ‘essential worker’

Even as news broke of the multiple infections in the vice president’s office, the White House declared he was an “essential worker” — a designation normally reserved for first responders and front-line medical staff — and said he would go on with his campaign program.

Pence, who was wearing a mask, clapped and jogged up to his podium at an event in North Carolina Sunday, the latest attempt by Trump and his team to foster a false impression of normality as the crisis deepens every single day. He never brought up the infections among his inner circle, barely mentioning the virus at the rally.

But the virus is now rising in 35 states and is steady in 15. New infections rose past 80,000 cases on both Friday and Saturday, breaking previous single-day records. US Surgeon General Dr. Jerome Adams cautioned Friday that hospitalizations are up in 75% of the jurisdictions across the country. Deaths will likely also soon start rising.

The utter disconnect between the fast worsening reality and the behavior of Trump and Pence prompted David Gergen, an adviser to presidents of both parties who was speaking on CNN, to condemn what he said was, “a President and a vice president putting their own peoples’ lives at risk to advance their own political good fortunes.”

Build your own road to 270 electoral votes with CNN’s interactive map

The comments by Meadows appeared to be in line with the philosophy of White House adviser Dr. Scott Atlas, who has the President’s ear and has infuriated government scientists on the White House coronavirus task force. Atlas has cast doubt on mask wearing and appears to favor an approach akin to herd immunity — letting the virus circulate freely in society to build resistance among citizens. Such an approach could cost hundreds of thousands more lives, according to William Haseltine, chair and president of ACCESS Health International.

Meadows’ statement also had troubling echoes for another expert.

“I hear a lot of herd immunity in that statement and that is horrifying,” Dr. Jonathan Reiner, a professor of Medicine at George Washington University, told CNN on Sunday.

“We can control the pandemic,” said Reiner, citing Washington, DC’s low incidence of the virus after earlier spikes and crediting mask wearing for the improved situation..

“What the chief of staff is saying is surrender. No, no, no, we get everyone to mask up — that is how we get the rates down.”

The responsibilities of leaders

The comments by Meadows caused awkward moments for several Republican senators, in town to advance the Supreme Court nomination of Amy Coney Barrett to a final floor vote on Monday.

“We all have control, and we all have responsibility as leaders to set an example that consists of doing the right thing to stop the spread,” the second-ranking Senate Republican, John Thune of South Dakota, told reporters.

“There are certain elements of it that yes, we cannot control. It’s a virus. It’s very aggressive. It wants to infect a lot of people, but there are things about our own behavior that we can control.”

The other South Dakota senator, Mike Rounds, said the government should “definitely not” stop trying to control Covid-19. Indiana Republican Sen. Mike Braun advised throwing “the kitchen sink at getting the virus under control.”

The new cases of Covid-19 in the White House could not be closer to Pence.

Marc Short, his chief of staff, tested positive on Saturday, the vice president’s office announced in a statement late in the day. Sources told CNN that Marty Obst, a senior adviser to Pence who is not a government employee, and at least three staffers in Pence’s office also tested positive for the virus in recent days. Zach Bauer, a longtime aide and one of the staffers who works closest with Pence, has tested positive for coronavirus, CNN learned Sunday.

New fears about coronavirus at the White House will not stop Trump swearing in Barrett after her expected Senate confirmation on Monday — despite the fact that her Rose Garden announcement ceremony last month turned into what the government’s top infectious disease specialist Dr. Anthony Fauci called a “superspreader” event.

The event is due to take place at 9 p.m. ET, outside, a source familiar with the invitation told CNN.

#admission #house #overshadows #pandemic #reelection #trump #white #Politics

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junker-town · 4 years

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Tactically Naive: Liverpool have broken the Premier League

Liverpool’s massive gap over the Premier League may say less about them, and more about everyone else.

Hello, and welcome to another episode of Tactically Naive, SB Nation’s weekly soccer column. Do columns come in episodes? Did your correspondent mean to type “edition” but miss? For the answer to neither of these questions, read on ...

The Premier League has a Liverpool problem

On Saturday, Spurs played Liverpool. That’s a big game, right? You know it is. Spurs. Liverpool. Big teams equal a big game. Premier League. Lions roaring. Let’s do this.

Also on Saturday, a mid-table team under new management played another team that was 28 points ahead of them (and half that ahead of everybody else). That second team hasn’t lost a league game in living memory, and is on course to be champions before the crocuses bloom.

As games go, that second one doesn’t sound particularly big, does it? You might watch if you had nothing else on. You wouldn’t expect much. But! What if we told you that the two games described were the same game.

[The crowd gasps. There is scattered applause, some screaming. Three people faint. Tactically Naive is chased out of town by an armed posse.]

We played ourselves, of course. We turned up and tuned in expecting the first game — Spurs! Liverpool! — and got the second. After the event, Jose Mourinho got it in the neck for Spurs’ approach, which was typical for Mourinho but atypical for Spurs: ew, no, we don’t want the ball. You can have the ball. Go on, take it. Please. Phew.

TN can’t help but think that some of the criticism against him is a little harsh. Mourinho only got the job because Spurs were looking pretty miserable under the last bloke, and he’s had it less than two months. Harry Kane is crocked, and Christian Eriksen transferred his mind over the summer, though his body has yet to catch up. And hey, they nearly nicked a point. Now, if they’re still playing like dedicated miserabilists in a year’s time — and the odds are good — then TN will be pitchforking it up with the best of them. But not yet.

Also, Liverpool. It is obviously stupid to suggest that a team can win a title too well, but Liverpool’s lead, now at 14 points with a game in hand, is so vast that it is distorting the rest of the competition.

This has two consequences. The first is long term: if Liverpool keeps picking up points at the same rate they are now, they’ll finish close to 30 points ahead of Manchester City. We may get to a point where their lead is so big that it stops being about Liverpool. Win a league by 10 points, and you’re brilliant. Win a league by 30 points, and something weird has happened.

Imagine a child, 50 years from now. To kill a quiet moment in the Third Water War, they’re looking back at old league tables. They get to 2019-20, and see a 30-point gap. Do they think, “Well, they must have been good?” Or do they think, “What the hell was everybody else up to?”

The more immediate effect is that the big games — the tentpoles of the Premier League project, the things that make Sundays super — are having the Bigness drained out of them. Manchester United go to Liverpool next weekend, hoping to make a dent into a 27-point gap. Manchester City host Liverpool on April 4th, and the title race could be over by then. Actually over, that is; not just obviously over, as it is now.

Absolutely none of this matters to Liverpool fans, of course, and nor should it. But it does put the rest of the Premier League season in an odd place. Maybe Sky could pivot coverage over to the relegation race early? Or we could all go watch Serie A, where— oh man, Juventus are back on top. Come on.

Valverde does what needs to be done

For most of a football match, the red card rule is a perfectly acceptable way of policing football’s rogues and renegades. But for the last few minutes, it becomes a liability. There is a point when it is worth risking a red card over a near-certain goal. The former becomes less of a punishment as the time in a match dwindles down. By the end, it’s almost no punishment at all.

Which is why Fede Valverde was able to win the Spanish Supercopa for Real Madrid with this poem, this gem, this vision of glittering, cynical beauty:

Federico Valverde with a cynical foul even Diego Simeone must have been proud of #RealMadridAtleti #Supercopa2020pic.twitter.com/riFoWdk4TT

— Football Whispers (@FB_WHISPERS) January 13, 2020

Obviously, a sport that makes doing this sort of thing sensible is, in an important sense, a little bit broken. But on the other hand, a sport that can have a cup final swing on such a moment is, in a significantly more important sense, very funny.

And there is a certain kind of clear-eyed focus that goes into these moments. A lesser person would have panicked and tried to make a clean tackle, or gone too far the other way and done something dangerous. Valverde went at this like a surgeon. No wonder Diego Simeone was impressed.

In truth, it was a fitting end to this strange Supercopa, a tournament that was expanded to four teams, just in case one of Real Madrid or Barcelona managed to miss it, and played out in Saudi Arabia, because it’s a lovely place this time of year. Cynicism begets cynicism. Never has a man of the match award been so deserving.

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kristiabbeyjamesannafaith · 5 years

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So there is this thing.....

Notice a little facelift on this page? I have been relatively recluse for awhile, not posting much. Who really wants to read stuff about my health (or lack thereof) on a regular basis? There is this fine line between being “sick” and “disabled”. It is sort of this crossover point where things seem less relevant when the status quo means things are shitty. One lands fully in the “disabled” category when things are shitty and there is nothing left to do but cope. It is a sucky space and one that feels permanent. Once that happens, a person is no longer “sick”. And that comes with the assumption that says “I am not going to get better”. And then life enters this space that is rather unpleasant. My personal experience involves feelings such as embarrassment that I am not strong enough to overcome the complications that have taken over my physical being. I feel grief over the loss of my financial consulting practice. I see my clients faces when I watch the news about the markets and I know who needs calls during certain times and I can’t call them. I feel ashamed when I can barely pull my wagon at the ball field or when I can’t get out of the bed in the morning. I have become mostly recluse and have intentionally made my village smaller because I think “who wants to always hear about how shitty I am and that I am DISABLED”. I have felt less than, not good enough. I have tried to accept this long term diagnosis over the last year and it always comes back to me thinking one of two things, depending on my strength of that day.

1. “I was not strong enough to overcome the ‘sick’ and now I am 42 and am forced to live the rest of my life DISABLED.

2. “It is impossible that I am going to live the rest of my life like this. There must be something we are missing and I must figure it out”

The days where I have spent time processing what we could be missing has led us (myself along with my docs) to discovering two problems that can be solved and will most certainly take me back through the “sick” phase. At the end of that, we pray that I reach “wellness”.

I pay very close attention to my body and noticed a pattern with my chest pain. While I am always sore and always feel the sensation of broken ribs, there are times where things feel “different”. Those times are directly related to activity. For example, I feel like I am recovering from a fresh surgery if I mop the floor. I can feel the muscle pulling away from my chest wall if I lift something that is too heavy. While RSD can cause that overreaction, I have also noticed redness and swelling associated with those times of increased pain. I also seem to have a lot of low grade fevers. All of these symptoms led to me researching my situation and increased conversations with my QB1 (internist) for him to think about what I have learned by paying close attention and logging my symptoms and activity.

As a part of this self discovery, I found a lot of information about RSD being considered an autoimmune disease, which has long been on our radar. I have severe inflammation in my legs, hands, arms..... Bascially I have global inflammation that is felt intensely and can be seen with the swelling and redness. QB1 has been asking me to try a round of steroids to see how my body would react. After the grind of softball season and with a desire to not stay DISABLED, I agreed to try them. I took 6 days of prednisone and while I was chasing fruit flies around the house with the vacuum, my body calmed. It was a beautiful feeling. The only problem was that it did not calm the pain and symptoms in my chest.

We learned a tremendous amount from my research and my doctor listening to me. We learned that while I do have RSD from all the nerve damage, I also have two separate issues going on. We decided it was time to go back to the surgeon to have my reconstruction looked at in case we were missing something.

We were missing something massive. The animation deformity that I had two years ago is now a grade IV. That means the muscle is detaching from my chest wall again, much worse than before. In addition, the space that was left when implants were removed is filled with encapsulated sermonas. Encapsulated means that my body can’t absorb the fluid. Seromas are collections of fluid that can be inflammatory/infections/lymphatic. I also have lesion that is necrotic tissue and will likely continue to persist. These are all very serious issues and make my symptom reports credible.

It is easy to become complacent. But it is hard as hell to live resigned to the diagnosis. Sometimes, that is the only choices. Now I have new choices.

My girls were with me when we saw the surgeon. They wanted to be there to make sure Dr. K did not suggest unnecessary surgical intervention. Being at nearly 30 operations, that is a reasonable request from my children. They have seen so many operations go wrong. The problem this time is that the issues inside my chest are not safe. They are likely causing fevers and contribute to me feeling sick all.the.time. As Dr. K explained that they have learned a lot since my last surgery about how leaving open space in a reconstruction site is bad. The girls started crying and then tuned him out. His prognosis led to a recommendation of a highly invasive surgery to repair these problems. I don’t want to explain the process of the repair, but I will say that it will require a two day inpatient hospital stay, two drains on each side for 4-6 weeks and no use of my arms for the same amount of time. We left that appointment without consent as I needed to talk to QB1.

Three days later, I sat with Bill and we talked for an hour. We had established a golden rule to my medical care which said “no surgery unless it is required to save my life”. This intervention is not a matter of life and death right now. Down the road, the seromas could make me sicker, even septic. And we also talked about the positive side of potential recovery from this debilitating pain and a massive improvement of my quality of life. We also discussed that we now know that I respond to meds that treat autoimmune disease for the global systemic troubles. At the end of the hour, QB1 said he felt nauseous but he agreed with the surgeon and felt I should proceed with the surgery. In the end, I will have very little of my reconstruction left. I am ok with that. I hate them anyway. I look at them and see “DISABLED”.

September 4th 2019 I will go back to the operating room. I have known for a long time that my chest area issues were not only RSD and it was up to me to advocate for myself to insist we were sure of our plan. Things change and I refuse to be complacent.

It seems to me “that thing I have to do” as we say in my house will reverse the clock. I will go from DISABLED to being sick again for awhile. I am terrified of this. I have prayed, internalized, thought about the plan 2000 different ways and in the end we know what needs to be done. I am 42 years old and I am not ready to throw in the towel, especially when I have serious issues that need addressed. There is no guarantee that I will make it all the way to wellness. But there is a chance. A damn good chance. Because after the surgery, we will start treating the rest of my symptoms with autoimmune disease drugs.

My team of docs and family are all throwing the Hail Mary pass to bring me back to wellness. I have to find myself again. I have to feel relevant again. I have to have purpose again. So on September 4th, we are throwing that pass and I am going to catch it in the end zone. I am going to fight like hell for wellness.

I share this for two reasons. The first is that many of you have been on this journey with us for a long time and I feel it is important to bring my village into the game. Which leads me to the second reason I share.

I am going to need help. My family has us covered for the immediate post surgical care. But in order for this to have the highest chance of success, I MUST FOLLOW DOCS ORDERS. While those drains are in and my body is healing, I can’t mess around. I am not to use my chest muscles for anything for 6 weeks. Which means I really can’t use my arms. Abs will be driving so we are good for day to day stuff. Plus, I will have home care and home cleaning assistance.

I am doing something I rarely do. I am asking for help. Abs is still playing on the USA Elite Softball Team and I will not let this stop her. We need to go to Strausburg every weekend (either Saturday or Sunday). Abbey will drive our car, we just need another adult to tag along for those games to keep me from pushing too hard or to ride with her if I am unable to do it. I do not yet have the schedule, but when I do I plan to post a “volunteer” sign up genius. I am going to be responsible and understand that I can’t do this on my own.

As always, my primary goal is to not affect the girls and their progress. This is a critical year for Abbey and softball. I know we have enough support to get her through the fall season so she does not have to leave her team. That is not an option. Abbey can help me cover Anna’s volleyball schedule.

I will have the house ready with easy to eat foods, but I will also put out a volunteer sheet in the event anyone wants to cook dinner or just come hang out or help with a shower. I am doing this because this is what my village always asks me to do and I always become too stubborn and feel like a burden. This time, I can’t afford to do that. It is my last chance at wellness and I will take all the help I can get. I know that in the moment, I will try to turn away offers for help and I ask all of you to simply take away my power to turn you away. I need to heal properly and I need help to do that.

If you have read this all the way through, I know you are part of my village. I know there will be worries and opinions about this, but I ask that everyone trust in the work we have done over the last year to reach this point. I need nothing but positivity to get through this and so do my girls.

Ok, so that was a heavy message to deliver. I sit in Kentucky in severe pain from using my arms to drive (even though Abs and I have split time) and am reminded why I have to do this. Some might wonder why we have chosen right now to look for potential collegiate homes for Abbey. This is why. September 1st the recruiting gates open and we need to have an idea of where Abbey would like to end up. There is only one way to do that. Visit schools. This is a terrible time to be traveling. Another difficult decision and one I do not regret.

If you have read to this point, than you for being my village even when I closed my village. It is opening back up and I pray some of you will come back in and surround us with love and support during this really challenging time.

We are scared.

We are hopeful.

Hopeful wins every time.

#thankyou

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edsftm · 7 years

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An update (09/07/17)

I’m not sure if I mentioned that last weekend I went to A&E as my incisions at the end points under my arms weren’t healing/closing, so the hospital checked it out and dressed the one that is a more definite problem and sent me home. No paper stitches or sewn stitches or anything.

Well yesterday (being the following weekend from above. Today is Sunday. Yesterday was Saturday) I took my dressings off my nipples after being on overnight with my binder. I had been putting dressings on at night and my binder just to protect things as my nipples still look so fragile and like the scabs could easily come off with a snag in the middle of the night, so yeah. Anyways, I took the dressings off and noticed that so much of the scab had come away, and it looked like the scab wasn’t joined to the rest of the healing.

I don’t know how to explain it, but it was like there was a whole gap around the sides and the underneath of the scab, between the nipple, so it looked like it just wanted to fall out and leave dips in my nipples. This was on both nipples.

You can see more about that in my previous post here https://edsftm.tumblr.com/post/162740412747/tw-gross-nipples-nsfw-probably-havent-survived

I phoned 111 (Non-emergency NHS number for advice, out-of-hours treatment and such) and they got me an appointment with a GP at the hospital with the out-of-hours clinic.

The GP had a look at my nipples and said they were both definitely infected to say the very least, but she wasn’t sure what to make of the scabs as it was hard to tell whether they were OK or not. So she prescribed me antibiotics for 7 days, and instructed me to see my own GP in the week to check on my nipples again to check how the infection is doing and to see how the scabs are doing. I doubt I’ll get to see the GP I regularly see, because with the NHS it’s same day emergency appointments with whoever the heck they can get you in with, so it more than likely won’t be the same GP that usually treats me, so I’ll take what I can get.

I haven’t worn incision tape or any nipple dressings or incision dressings since I took it all off yesterday morning when waking up. I just figured things could do with drying out at this point, and hopefully things will all close up and heal that way.

I’ll go back to the incision tape again in a day or two. For now I’m having a skin break from it as I’m quite clearly allergic and it’s really beginning to scar my skin and leave like little pits in that area, so yeah, not great. It’s as if someone took a biro pen and pushed it into my skin in several places and it left a little dent in the skin permanently (obviously without the ink).

You’re supposed to wear the incision tape for a while to prevent stretching the scars too much, but as I say, my skin needs a break right now. It’s truly suffering and starting to scar with the issues I’ve posted about before, no matter how much I consistently take antihistamines. That only solves the itching, not the rash or blistering etc.

Another thing to mention is that my left shoulder keeps going into subluxation the past 24h. It just keeps popping with the slightest movement. It’s done it in the past now and again and sometimes it’ll have off days where it’ll keep doing it in an evening, and same with my right shoulder it sometimes does, but my left shoulder is definitely more dodgy this weekend.

I put it down to not having had Ibuprofen for around 2 months now as I’m banned from it by my surgeon until things are healed (and several weeks before surgery I had to stop taking it too) so I’ve had nothing to help with inflammation in my body although I was taking ibuprofen in combination with paracetamol for headaches and migraines primarily but it was regularly enough that it was probably helping any inflammation, and I also put it down to sleeping upright/on my back with the pillows as best positioned as they could around my body and waist so that I’m supported and don’t roll over and that’s probably no good on my shoulders, but there’s nothing I can do about that. I need to sleep on my back. There’s no way I could sleep on my sides right now with these vulnerable open/healing incisions on the ends of both sides.

One last thing, with the incision healing on my right side with those exposed stitches, well it’s sticking right out now with it all healing. I’m leaving it all alone though. They’re supposed to be dissolvable according to my surgeon’s secretary, so I’ll give it until it’s looking like it’s healed and see if it’s gone. I’ll just keep an eye on things really. If it needs snipping out/taken care of then I’ll see my GP surgery about it. I don’t wanna stuff something up by snipping it myself. The stitches are white and they look like the kinda string you’d tie your meat up with to keep it together in the oven whilst it cooks.

Not much else to update with to be honest in terms of my surgery stuff. I’m tired today within my eyes and head like my head is heavy like a baby’s head, rather than usually body/muscle/joint fatigue, but I don’t know whether that’s because of my many spoonie issues acting up today, or surgery recovery, or just general tiredness.

#chest surgery diaries #chest surgery #top surgery #ftm #f2m #trans #transgender #andrew yelland #eds #cfs #fibromyalgia #pots #gerd #asthma #ibs

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scriptmedic · 7 years

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Schizonephilim’s experience with an abscessed tooth...that nearly killed them

Hey everybuddy! Aunt Scripty here. Today’s post is a guest post by @schizonephilim , who was kind enough to share their story of a near-fatal abscessed tooth.

I’m always welcome to posting interesting personal stories that writers can use for inspiration and details in their work, and if you have a story you’d care to share, go ahead and submit one!

Note that I haven’t edited this post for content or for grammar.

Thanks so much to schizonephilim for their openness and for sharing.

xoxo, Aunt Scripty

disclaimer

I’ve really been enjoying your blog! Reading more realistic medical advice, I think, will really help my writing. :) (Awww, thanks! ~AS)

In October 2009, I had gone to a local concert with my mom, and I was having the time of my life. I noticed in the breaks between the two main performers that my left jaw was starting to get sore, but I attributed that to all the screaming I’d done at first. By the time it was all over with and we had driven home, however, the pain was steadily increasing, and I realized I probably had an abcessed tooth.

That was on a Saturday. By Monday, my jaw was beginning to swell, so I managed to get in to see my dentist, who gave me a round of antibiotics (500 mg of penicillin, 3 times a day) and pain meds. I was in too much pain to go to work, so I called in and stayed home. I took the antbiotics religiously, making sure never to miss a dose, and I was in so much pain that I seemingly ate the pain pills like they were candy (I REALLY don’t recommend that), but neither medicine seemed to have any effect.

Wednesday rolled around, and the swelling in my jaw (and the pain) was getting worse. Also, my jaw was beginning to stiffen, making it harder to open my mouth to eat or talk. I went back to my dentist, and he gave me another prescription of antibiotics (now 4 times a day) and more pain meds. I also got a note for work for the days I had missed so far and drove it to my job so my boss could see that I wasn’t exaggerating my situation. I remember he’d made the joke, “You sure you didn’t break your jaw?” All I could say was, “If I had, it’d probably hurt less.”

When Friday came, my condition had deteriorated. I could barely eat between the pain of chewing and my jaw stiffening to the point I could barely open my mouth, I mostly stayed in bed with an overwhelming desire to sleep, and I struggled to get any sleep because of the pain. My dad wanted to take me back to our dentist, but he was out of the office that day. His staff was in, however, and they were able to refer us to an oral surgeon in a nearby town. I was in no condition to drive, so he took me to the oral surgeon.

As luck would have it, it was raining cats and dogs when we got there, and the oral surgeon’s office had lost power. He still saw me, though. Without power to his equipment, he couldn’t do much of anything in depth to look at me, but he listened to us and he could see for himself what sort of condition I was in. He put in a call to my regular doctor to get me in, and I was off back to my hometown to see him. Before we left, he told us that if I started having difficulty swallowing, I needed to go to the ER immediately. (Better than waiting till it was hard to breathe, he said.)

My doctor took one look at me, listened to me and my dad (mostly my dad, because it hurt too much to speak), and prescribed three shots of Rocephin (sp?) over three days. I received the first shot there in his office, and the next two over the next two successive days at the hospital because his office was closed on the weekends.

When Sunday evening came, I had reached the end of my rope, so to speak. I had already received my third shot of Rocephin earlier that day, and the round of new antibiotics was just as ineffective as the penicillin. My jaw had swollen to frightening proportions, and the lack of rest and constant pain had driven me to my wits’ end. It was, in fact, getting difficult to swallow, but that was overshadowed by the rest. I had my mom take me to the ER, where we had to sit for a few hours in the waiting room before ever seeing a doctor. They were completely unable to take my temperature, since I couldn’t get my teeth far enough apart to fit the thermometer through them no matter how I tried.

I live in a small town, so we don’t have an abundance of specialists. When I finally saw the ER doctor, he referred me to an ear, nose, and throat specialist (ENT) at a hospital about two hours away. My brother drove me the two hours, and I arrived at about 1:00 on Monday morning. I went through triage quickly and was put in an exam room. While we were waiting for the specialist, a med student came in and explained that she had heard about my condition and wanted to see for herself. I didn’t mind, since I figured if she ever saw that situation again, maybe she could learn something. After all, it’s not every day that an abcessed tooth gets that badly out of hand.

Once the ENT came in, I finally, FINALLY, was able to get a dose of morphine, and let me tell you, the relief from having the pain eased was so sweet I wanted to cry. He sent me for an MRI so that he could see exactly where the pockets of infection were. Luckily, I don’t have a sensitivity to iodine like my dad does, otherwise I would have been in real trouble. Once the MRI was over, they took me to a different room than before, and I was left to wait with my brother again. I can’t remember if I had my second dose of morphine before or after the MRI was done; my memory is understandably a little fuzzy about that detail. I remember hearing what sounded like a man screaming in agony in another room nearby while I waited; I imagined that he had been injured in an accident and had broken bones, but of course, I had no idea what their particular story was, and I didn’t ask.

By the time the ENT came in to see me again, that second dose was wearing off. He explained to me exactly what he was going to do. The infection was structured in a kind of honeycomb way, so simply opening and draining wasn’t going to work; they were going to have to scrape the infection out. He gave me a local anesthetic, but before doing that, he explained that because the infection was acidic, it would burn off the anesthetic quickly. I didn’t feel the incision just beneath my jaw when he made it, but every other sensation was agony. I felt him scraping inside my jaw and neck, pushing out mounds of pus, and the smell made me want to throw up. For those who are unfamiliar with infections of that nature, it smelled like meat that had spoiled in the refrigerator…but it was my meat, and it was right underneath my nose. My brother held my hand through the whole procedure, and I was clenching my jaw and holding in the urge to scream in pain.

Once he was satisfied that he had gotten out as much as he could, he washed out the area with a saline solution and packed it full of what looked like gauze ribbon. He explained to me that he couldn’t stitch up the area, since that would be inviting the infection to come back, and he left probably an inch or so of the ribbon hanging out of the incision, and taped gauze over the area to keep it covered. He said that it was for giving the infection a path to travel out, which made sense to me. I was given follow-up appointments and discharge instructions, along with one last dose of morphine and a prescription for more (different) antibiotics and pain pills. It was somewhere around 3:00 or maybe later when we left, and it was about dawn when we arrived home.

It took me about another week to recover, and at least two weeks to be somewhat back to normal. I wasn’t told at the time, but when I went to the ER in my hometown and was sent to the larger hospital, the doctor had told my mother that I had to go right then, that it couldn’t even wait until morning. I was on the verge of sepsis, and I only truly appreciated that fact later.

One last interesting tidbit about my experience. When the ENT was scraping the infection out, he said that he was going to send off samples to see exactly what sort of bacteria it was that had caused all this trouble. On one of my follow-up appointments, I thought to ask about what the results had been, but the doctor, despite searching the computer database and even calling the labs at the hospital, couldn’t find any trace of the samples. To this day, I still have no idea what bacteria had caused the infection that gave me so much hell and, if not for the ENT and the wonderful other doctors and nurses and their expertise, would have been the end of me.

#submission #infectious disease #infection #dentistry

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jurgan · 7 years

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My father received this editorial from a friend of his, and I feel the need to respond to it. Originally, I was just going to post a link and write a response, but there’s just so much wrong that I feel the need to go through it line-by-line. So, enjoy!

“This is a first: Donald Trump is guilty of an understatement, of making a molehill out of a mountain. He called the Washington furor over Russian hacking a “witch hunt” when it is actually far more sinister and dangerous.

Witch hunts end. The Washington mob aims to make sure the election never ends and that Trump can never govern.

There are no modern precedents to the scandalous attempts to smear and undermine the president-elect.”

I literally burst out laughing at this line. Only a partisan hack or someone who’s been asleep for eight years could say it with a straight face. Let us not forget that the president-elect spent years peddling the racist assertion that the first black president was not a natural born citizen and needed to show his papers to prove his legitimacy. Even when Barack Obama ultimately did release his long form birth certificate (a redundant step, since the regular certificate would be accepted for anyone else), the conspiracy theorists immediately declared it a fraud. This was not a high-minded attempt to find the truth; no one could honestly believe that so many people in Hawaii were involved in such a conspiracy and none of them talked. At this point, someone usually says that Hillary Clinton started the birther smear. In case facts still matter, let’s point out that this is false. It was promoted early on by a Clinton supporter, but there’s no record of Clinton or any of her top people saying anything positive about this lie. No candidate can be responsible for all of their supporters; the best they can do is denounce the smear publicly, which she did. Trump actively championed it for years.

However, I wouldn’t even point to birtherism as the worst example of undermining the Obama administration. That honor goes to Mitch McConnell’s January 20, 2009 meeting. Literally the day Obama was inaugurated, McConnell met with top Republicans and launched a strategy of unceasing obstruction. In particular, the Senate filibustered every significant piece of legislation. The filibuster was once a rare tool, used only in the most drastic of situations, but McConnell made it standard operating procedure. The Democrats did not have an unstoppable supermajority. Thanks to the delayed Franken election and the death of Ted Kennedy they had sixty votes for about five months, and that’s including wishy-washy supporters like Joe Lieberman. They didn’t all vote in lockstep, and so they needed to peel off a Republican or two to break a filibuster. This all happened in tandem with the Tea Party movement that refused to accept any compromise and launched primary challenges against Republicans who were deemed insufficiently pure. Obama proposed some fairly moderate but significant laws, like a stimulus package to save the economy through a mix of direct spending and tax cuts, and a market-based plan to give everyone health care. In return, Republicans filibustered non-stop, shut down the government to attempt to prevent the health care law from taking effect, and even threatened to default on U.S. debt if they didn’t get the spending cuts they wanted. There was a time when people would work together between elections, but the constant attacks from the right killed that. All through Obama’s presidency, the Republicans attempted to “make sure the election never ends and that Obama can never govern.” That’s your modern precedent. At some point, I’d like to go back further, maybe looking through the endless attempt to smear Clinton over things as trivial as a haircut, or the insistence that cities aren’t part of the “real America,” only rural areas are, but I need to move on. There’s a lot to deal with here.

“Nearly nine weeks after his victory and less than two weeks before he takes the oath, the voter-nullification plot is growing more vile.

It began when the Clinton campaign and her donors tried to overturn results in key states, then tried to steal the election outright by intimidating electors of the Electoral College.”

Yeah, that didn’t happen. Some groups demanded recounts, most of which were spearheaded by Jill Stein. I’m not fond of Stein, and I think that whole scheme was basically a trick to gather potential donors for her mailing list, but there’s nothing illegitimate about asking for votes to be accurately counted. You’d think the party that constantly talks about “voter fraud” would be happy to support an accurate count of votes. Likewise, if Mr. Trump wants to sound off on Twitter about “millions of illegal voters,” then he should be thrilled that they’re getting to the bottom of what happened. As for intimidating electors, once again we seem to be attributing everything a candidate’s supporters do to that candidate. I saw a bunch of people trying to get the electors to switch their votes. I was never a supporter of that idea, but voters have the right to free speech. They don’t have the right to threaten people, but unless someone can show me proof that such was organized or directed or even encouraged by Clinton, who formally conceded on election night, then this is an irrelevant fact.

“When all that failed, the establishment forces that opposed Trump all along — the Obama White House, members of both parties, the Democratic media and Big Government activists — switched their goal to thwarting his presidency. One example: They aim to deny confirmation to as many as eight Cabinet picks.”

Have you seen these Cabinet picks? A surgeon running the Department of Housing and Urban Development? A woman with no education experience at Education? The head of Exxon-Mobil running State? None of these people have any real experience in their fields. Yes, denying confirmation to numerous Cabinet picks is unprecedented, but so is such a woefully inexperienced Cabinet. Hey, you know what else is unprecedented, at least since the Civil War? Letting a Supreme Court seat stay open for almost a year and not even holding hearings on the president’s nominee. Tell me again how you’re against obstruction.

“This is not mere politics. This is half the country going rogue in a fit of madness.

Most alarming is the newest recruit to the confederacy. The intelligence community, including leaders of the FBI and CIA, is pushing the Russian hacking narrative in unscrupulous ways.”

By performing an investigation and reporting the results.

“Consider that the same media organizations that led the campaign assault on Trump were leaked details of the hacking report before Trump saw it.”

Let’s dispense with the idea that the media was adamantly against Trump. I know the “liberal media” smear has been around since Nixon, if not earlier, but the truth is Trump got enormous amounts of free press. NBC even allowed him to host Saturday Night Live. Meanwhile, they breathlessly reported every iota of information about Clinton’s emails. Also, compare the suspicion her charitable foundation got to the way Trump was given a pass for his University was being sued for fraud. He even paid Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi $25,000 from his charitable foundation while she was contemplating whether to join a lawsuit against him. Said attorney is rumored to be considered for a job in the Trump administration, by the way.

“The leaks came after Trump expressed doubts about Russia’s role and any election impact. Lest the rookie miss the message, Chuck Schumer, the Dems’ man in the Senate, made like a Soprano in a TV interview: ‘Let me tell you: You take on the intelligence community — they have six ways from Sunday at getting back at you.’

Is Schumer suggesting CIA analysts would stay silent about a terrorist plot? Would they feed Trump misinformation to get back at him?”

Oh, damn, this is ridiculous. Schumer does not control the CIA. Schumer is warning Trump about the very real power the intelligence community has. Remember the days when J. Edgar Hoover kept blackmail information on politicians at every level? Schumer is saying that it’s not a good idea for the president to fight with the intelligence community; such friction helps no one. But apparently I’m supposed to read this as a threat? I guess if you’re the kind of person who believes the CIA and liberal Democrats are part of a unified conspiracy it makes sense. So who’s not in this conspiracy?

“Going public with classified information, which the leakers did, is a crime, but these days it’s acceptable if it serves the left’s political purpose.”

And this is just lazy. The VERY FIRST SENTENCE of the public report, which is written in the header of every page, is: “Assessing Russian Activities and Intentions in Recent US Elections” is a declassified version of a highly classified assessment that has been provided to the President and to recipients approved by the President.

“As for the report itself, there’s not much there there, at least in the version made public.”

Cyber-espionage against both political parties is no big deal. Gotcha.

It is full of assertions that Vladimir Putin wanted to hurt Clinton and help Trump, but zero evidence is offered. I repeat: zero evidence.”

Two sentences ago you were complaining that releasing classified information is bad, but now you should publicly out sources of information? I guess that’s to be expected from the party that brought us the Valerie Plame affair. It is right to be skeptical of the CIA, but there’s a point where skepticism becomes willful stupidity. When 17 intelligence agencies agree, the idea that they’re all conspiring together is ridiculous. Groups like that are territorial, and they won’t just go along with some devious plan.

“Instead, the 25-page document serves up a dog’s stew of innuendo and anecdotes. Examples include that Russian television operating in America said nice things about Occupy Wall Street.

Well, so did President Obama and half the Democratic Party. Is Obama a Russian agent?

Another silly example is that Russian TV runs lots of anti-fracking reports. Well, Gov. Cuomo also opposes fracking. The report cites the fact that Russian TV anchors are required to have social-media accounts as proof of Putin’s evil intent.”

It’s called background information. It’s not the core of the report, which is why it’s in the “annex” at the end.

“Here’s a fact that really matters and it’s not in the report: The FBI concluded that Russians hacked the Democratic National Committee without ever inspecting its computers. The gumshoes say the DNC balked, but party leaders say the FBI never asked. In the end, it let a private firm search the computers for evidence.

None of this is normal. And it’s no excuse that Trump himself often veers outside the lines. He won the election fair and square, period.

Then again, some Democrats can’t bring themselves to admit that. Nancy Pelosi, the House minority leader, was spitting fire after she was briefed on the classified report.

Asked if she believed hacking cost Clinton the election, Pelosi declared to reporters: “You were accomplices in this. Every single day you reported there was an e-mail that was embarrassing to the Clinton operation, without saying we know this because of a disruption by a foreign power of our election system. You knew that.”

Wow, so journalists are “accomplices” when they report embarrassing news. Nothing could be more Putin-like than her view of the media’s job.”

Journalists are accomplices if they aren’t fair or cover up details. “Report embarrassing news?” How about reporting the embarrassing news that Russia is helping Trump? Does the author have basic reading comprehension? “you reported… without saying.” This is blatantly obvious: Pelosi is saying that the journalists didn’t report enough embarrassing news. They reported the part of the story that hurt Clinton and left out the part that hurt Trump. And wait a minute, I thought the media were part of the conspiracy because they hated Trump? Suddenly we’re all concerned about freedom of the press and attacks on brave journalists?

“To be clear, it may be true that Putin ordered that the e-mails of John Podesta and the DNC be stolen and given to WikiLeaks. But officials also admit that Russia hacked our government and industries for years and always pushes negative propaganda about America, including during the 2012 campaign.

So why the sudden DefCon outrage, especially when the intelligence report concludes there was no attempt to change vote tallies?

The furor amounts to sounding five alarms for a dumpster fire. It’s a dumb overreaction, or part of the effort to thwart a president the establishment doesn’t want. Either way, intelligence leaders are proving they are part of the swamp that must be drained.”

Drain the swamp, sure. Trump’s Cabinet is going to be full of billionaires, but they don’t count as part of “the swamp.”

“By all means, America needs better cybersecurity and a retaliation policy to act as a deterrent. The current president has no interest in the issue, so perhaps we’ll get better policies when we get a new president.”

This is perhaps the most outrageous lie in the whole piece. Obama expelled 35 diplomats and imposed Russian sanctions as retaliation for the hacking, and hinted there will be other, less public responses. How in the world can this be interpreted as him having no interest? Meanwhile, Trump is telling us to “move on.”

This whole piece is a bizarre mish-mash. On one hand, the author doubts Russia interfered in the election, but on the other hand he wants stricter responses to hacking. The media are simultaneously victims of Democratic intimidation and colluding with Dems to get Trump. There’s a lot of double-think going on in here.

“Assuming, of course, the man who won the election actually makes it to the Oval Office.”

Don’t worry, he will. But once he does, prepare to be disappointed.

#Donald Trump #politics #blogging #original content

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sommersrothelmaleh · 4 years

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Toronto Doctor Loses Licence After Inducing Labour Without Consent

Informed consent is the backbone of the doctor-patient relationship in Ontario. The 1996 Health Care Consent Act requires that physicians fully explain all procedures and treatments available to a patient, as well as any potential risks and benefits so that a patient can make a decision armed with all of the necessary information. When a doctor fails to include a patient in this process, it is a betrayal that can come with serious consequences and ultimately result in discipline, or worse, for the doctor involved.

This was the case with a well-regarded Toronto ob-gyn and gynecological oncologist Dr. Paul Shuen.

Impatience Leads to Injury and Procedures Without Consent

Shuen first faced disciplinary proceedings by the Ontario College of Physicians and Surgeons (the “College”) in 2008, after he performed an episiotomy on a patient without her consent and the patient suffered tearing so extensive, she required surgery to repair the damage. The patient had been left with Dr. Shuen after her own doctor had finished her shift and the patient had not yet delivered her child. She had been given an epidural, and so did not realize when Dr. Shuen performed the episiotomy until much later, after delivery. She later filed a formal complaint with the College, which ultimately issued a verbal caution to the doctor. There was no public record of these proceedings or the complaint. Public access to College disciplinary decisions would not be made available until 2015.

In another College Complaint, he treated a patient with Paget’s Disease, a malignancy on the vulva that he recommended should have a partial vulvectomy. The patient agreed, but after doing further research, found that the disease could sometimes be treated with a topical cream. Dr. Shuen told her that was an inappropriate treatment and advised she’d be charged a fee if she cancelled her surgery, so she went ahead with it. When she discovered after the fact that the doctor had removed one of her labia and her clitoris, she was devastated and made a formal complaint against him. The College said it would have been inappropriate to charge a cancellation fee a month before the surgery was scheduled and cautioned the doctor for failure to obtain informed consent from his patient. Again, these records were not made publicly available.

OHIP Billing Loopholes Open Door for Abuse by Physicians

OB-GYNs at North York General, where Dr. Shuen had privileges, were capped with respect to the number of deliveries they could perform in a given month. The hospital’s budget was determined by government funding, and so allotments were carefully spread out among the hospital’s OB-GYNs. Dr. Shuen, who was going through a divorce, chose to ignore the cap of 50 deliveries per month and delivered so many babies his superiors worried it could lead to unsafe conditions in the labour and delivery ward. When the hospital began to consider financial penalties for doctors who exceeded their caps, he apologized and agreed to restrict his deliveries to 45 per month. However, there was an OHIP loophole he found he could exploit without exceeding the monthly limit.

Doctors’ OHIP billings for deliveries increase considerably on weekends as opposed to weekdays, due to the fact that hospitals are generally short-handed on the weekend. Dr. Shuen found a way to induce labour in his patients without their knowledge, ensuring they’d go into labour on a more lucrative day of the week.

Nurses Find Evidence of Inducement and Take Action

In 2013, nurses attending to a patient in labour found a small white pill in the patient’s vaginal cavity. They alerted Dr. Shuen’s superior, who advised them to dispose of the pill. Two years later, nurses found a similar pill in a different patient. This time, they kept the tablet and Dr. Shuen’s superior warned him that he could face a revocation of his privileges and worse, if he was inducing patients without their consent. Dr. Shuen denied inducement and the hospital moved on. In 2016, two nurses again found a tablet in a patient of Dr. Shuen and informed his superior. They also sent the tablet to be tested at the hospital’s lab, along with the one from the previous year, which they had saved.

The drug turned out to be misoprostol, which can soften the cervix and cause contractions in pregnant women. It is against the hospital’s policy to use this drug for labour induction because there is no proof that the drug is safe in this context (its primary purpose is to treat ulcers). In fact, the drug, in combination with another medication, is used in some cases for a medical abortion! There are also several potential side effects when used for inducements, such as uterine rupture, severe bleeding or even death of the mother or the baby.

When questioned by senior hospital staff, the doctor denied using the drug to induce patients, but when they reviewed his labour records, they found that, improbably, 46% of his patients had delivered on a Saturday or Sunday. He had also exceeded the monthly cap, delivering an average of 58 babies per month. After being confronted with the evidence, he finally admitted to his actions but claimed the practice was safe. His superiors explained that, since there was no record of patients who had been induced, there was no way to follow up on their progress or any resulting complications. The hospital immediately revoked his privileges and referred the matter to the College’s disciplinary committee, which authorized over a dozen investigators to look through every aspect of his practice.

The lead investigator had the following to say:

Dr. Shuen fell below the standard of care in his practice of obstetrics by inserting induction agents into patients who had no indication for induction, in an outpatient setting, without their knowledge or consent. As a result of his actions, harm was likely being caused to his patients, either in the form of unnecessary Caesarean section, or perhaps worse. The extent of the harm it caused is difficult [to determine] due to the lack of record keeping and difficulty in knowing exactly which patients were affected.

In 2018, the College revoked Dr. Shuen’s licence to practice and ordered him to pay over $40,000 in costs. Further, the College posted a notice to patients that the doctor posed a danger to the public.

How Well Does the Disciplinary System Protect Patients?

Dr. Shuen has yet to face criminal charges for his actions, which could include criminal negligence, assault, assault causing bodily harm, administration of a noxious substance. Further, there was no indication of any investigation to search for patients who may have unknowingly suffered complications after being induced without their knowledge. Lastly, the author of the original article on this matter noted how difficult it was to obtain documentation around this investigation. Only after several requests and thousands of dollars in legal fees were they able to obtain enough information to piece the story together. This leaves open the question of how well the current investigatory and disciplinary process works to actually protect and inform patients who may have suffered harm.

If you would like to discuss a potential birth injury case with one of our highly experienced Toronto birth injury lawyers, contact Sommers Roth & Elmaleh. We are committed to getting our injured clients and their loved ones the legal assistance and guidance that they need following a medical error, including misdiagnosis of fetal distress and failure to perform a timely c-section. We work hard to secure financial assistance for the future of each of our clients. We take cases on a contingency basis only, ensuring that families can obtain the help they need, at the time that they need it most. We have been helping patients and families whose lives have been impacted by medical malpractice for more than 40 years. We have assisted clients in all over Ontario and from all across Canada, including Newfoundland, Quebec, Saskatchewan, Alberta, and British Columbia. Call us at 416-961-1212 or contact us online for a free consultation.

The post Toronto Doctor Loses Licence After Inducing Labour Without Consent appeared first on Sommers Roth & Elmaleh Professional Corporation.

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twdeamspace · 6 years

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Cancer sucks.

5 years ago (March 8) I was driving to work when I received a phone call I had been impatiently waiting for. A phone call from my doctor, confirming my worst fear, that I had cancer. That drive was only 23 miles, but might as well have been 1000. News like that does funny things to people. I think I laughed as much as I cried. I’m sure anyone who passed me on the freeway thought I was losing my mind. I probably was. At 26 years old, I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was healthy. The radiologist had found a tumor a right above my heart at 10cm in size. He made sure I was aware that Hodgkin lymphoma (also called Hodgkin’s lymphoma and previously known as Hodgkin’s disease) is one of the most curable forms of cancer. Having that positive information made this giant pill easier to swallow. I was sick, but I wasn’t going to die. Telling my loved ones was incredibly hard. I’ve always said, it was easier being the sick one. Had it been someone close to me, I don’t think I would have been as strong. Once diagnosed, my team of doctors and nurses didn’t waste any time. First off was a series of tests to determine if the cancer had spread any where else in my body and to make sure I could handle the aggressive treatment. These tests included a Pulminary Function Test, CT scan, PET scan, MUGA and bone marrow sample retrieval (ouch). Once these were completed I was sent to the hospital to get my portacath. This simple surgery is where they insert a device right under the skin, which makes it easy for the chemo to be administered. My cousin Julie, lovingly helped me name that POS Portencia…which sounds like an evil step-sister from some Disney movie. Once the procedure was complete I was sent home. The following week my infusions would begin. The next day (Saturday) I was driving to my hair-dresser friend Tonya’s house. I had always wanted to try a pixie cut. With the high possibility of losing my hair, I thought, why not try it now?! I was almost to her house when I received a call from my surgeon. This is odd, I thought, when I answered the phone. He was calling me on a Saturday, from his cell phone, this isn’t good. He asked what I was doing and if I had eaten anything that morning. From there he proceeded to tell me that on reviewing the radioactive PET scan I had Friday afternoon, he saw some complications relating to the portacath. First of all, the tumor itself was very large and was encroaching on everything in my upper chest, pushing things around and out of position. The vein that the catheter was supposed to feed was being impeded by the tumor so there was no way it was going to work to carry the chemo where it needed to go. Further, the catheter had moved into the space where my right lung is and my right lung was deflating. The doctor said I needed to come in to the hospital right away. Within an hour of arriving at RVMC emergency, later that afternoon they were wheeling me down to the O.R. The doctor showed my Mom the PET scan so she could see what he was talking about. He showed her how they would try to move the catheter into a favorable position so it could serve its purpose, perhaps even trying to come from a different angle through a new incision on the other side of my chest. The surgery would take about an hour. An hour and twenty minutes later, he came out and said that the tumor size and position was just not going to allow for that catheter to work there. They had to remove it and they would plan on installing a picc-line into my upper arm where chemo could be administered. The thing that needed to happen ASAP was for us to start shrinking that tumor, and the quickest way to do that is to get the chemo going. Making matters worse, during the surgery I started bleeding into my chest cavity and once they got that under control they had to install a chest tube through my ribs and out to drain any additional blood and fluid. They kept me sedated during the night so I wouldn’t wake up and start pulling at any tubes. I spent Saturday night in CCU on a ventilator, and needed a couple of units of blood. I spent Sunday and all of the last night in considerable pain from the chest tube. I wasn’t able to sleep, and even morphine every two hours wasn’t enough to help me conquer the pain. Monday morning they removed the tube. Having the tube was bad, but trying to recover from that tube was even worse. I then had an electrocardiogram; and they installed a picc-line into my arm. While placing the picc into my arm, the nurse casually said, “I’m sorry this is happening to you. You know, you may not be able to have children after this.” What?! How could she mention such a serious matter so casually. Was this true?! I was 26, in a serious relationship, on the path to marriage, and may not be able to have kids? Would he want me any longer? Was I defective? All things I was thinking while I quietly sat there, needle in my arm, tears in my eyes. From there I was placed in a “regular” room, and released that next Wednesday. Aside from a few yucky side effects, my chemo was text book. It was double the doses each infusion because my oncologist wanted to be swift in eliminating the tumor. 12 rounds of chemo, and I would be healthy again. My first treatment, my mom sat by my side. My Nana showed up shortly after with a calendar. This calendar had pages and pages of the most beautiful places in the world. Beaches in the Maldives, deserts in the Middle East, and jungles in South America. One of the pages was of Machu Picchu. I turned to that page right away and told my Nana and Mom that this is one place I wanted to visit. My Nana quickly ripped the page right out of the calendar, folded it up neatly, and handed it to me. She told me, when I was completed with treatment, and in remission, I would have to go. I kept that picture with me everywhere I went that year, in my purse. With a firm goal in mind. Throughout my treatment I had my Mom, Nana, and husband (boyfriend at the time) to name a few, by my side. My Dad even helped me financially so I didn’t have to worry about getting my bills paid, because at the time I was in outside sales. The support from my tribe made me focused and kept me positive. Unfortunately, disease creates distance for some loved ones. Distance because sickness makes people uncomfortable. It’s not because they don’t love you, or don’t think about you, but because they don’t know HOW to be around you. Don’t know what to say. OR How to be there. I recently read about a woman who created empathy cards, she wished she had received during treatment. These are SO on point. One reads, “Please let me be the first to punch the next person who tells you everything happens for a reason. I’m sorry you’re going through this.” Another reads, “I promise to never refer to your illness as a Journey…unless someone takes you on a cruise.” One more, “When life gives you lemons, I won’t tell you a story about my cousin’s friend who died of lemons.” LOVE ALL OF THESE! She even collaborated with a compassion expert and wrote a book on how to become more emotionally intelligent and how to appropriately comfort and support someone who is ill. You can find it here. When someone you care about gets sick, don’t just offer to help. EVERYONE and THEIR NEIGHBOR does this. It’s empty. Actually say what you are going to do, and follow-through. My Nana would randomly come by with dinner. My mom, made it to EVERY SINGLE treatment. My husband, told me I was beautiful as I pulled out clumps of hair. These are the things that matter. These are the things they will remember. Fast forward… One year after I finished treatment, my love and I made it to Peru. We hiked up Machu Picchu then even higher to Huayna Picchu, he took a knee, and promised to love me the rest of my life. 4 years ago TODAY, I walked through the doors at Hematology Oncology cancer free. I can still smell the chemicals and taste the saline, feel the aches and the hot flashes. But it is over. I am forever indebted to my family and friends for holding me up, and to the nurses and doctors for helping me fight. To all the people I met along the way that didn’t make it, I think about you often. I promise, I will do my best not to squander this precious time I have been blessed with. You’re with me everyday. Since my last infusion I have become a wife and a mother, and couldn’t be happier with this life I have been given.

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ecoamerica · 2 months

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Watch the 2024 American Climate Leadership Awards for High School Students now: https://youtu.be/5C-bb9PoRLc

The recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by student climate leaders! Join Aishah-Nyeta Brown & Jerome Foster II and be inspired by student climate leaders as we recognize the High School Student finalists. Watch now to find out which student received the $25,000 grand prize and top recognition!

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trendingnewsb · 6 years

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How to Maximize Family Time? 13 Simple Ways You Can Try Immediately

Barbara Bush was wise when she said the following about having a meaningful existence in life:

At the end of your life, you will never regret not having passed one more test, not winning one more verdict or not closing one more deal. You will regret time not spent with a husband, a friend, a child, or a parent.

The struggle to strike a good balance between family time and work time is real. This struggle can leave many with deep feelings of anguish and guilt. Am I spending enough time with my kids so that they feel secure in our relationship? Is our family time meaningful and considered quality time?

The good news is that there are solutions and tips you can implement today to strike a good balance between work and family time. Below are these tips for you so you can maximize your family time:

1. Make family events a priority

If you are not a life saving surgeon and currently on-call, then your work can likely wait. Most of us aren’t in the business of life saving. That gives us some legitimate flexibility in our off-work time. You don’t need to be tied to work 24-7.

When your kid has a little league game on a week night, then don’t work late that night. Make your family events a priority. Get there so you can be present in your child’s life. In order to be a good parent, it means you need to be there.

If you are working all the time, you are missing out on the family events that you can’t replace. Kids grow up fast and they don’t get to repeat their childhood.

That little league play off game may be the only time they make it to play offs. Their piano recital may be more than just showing their level of skill, it is their time to shine and show their parents how hard they have worked so that their parents can be proud.

Being present at family events shows your spouse or partner and children that you care. Love is shown in actions. Make sure your actions are showing love, by showing up for holidays, birthdays, family nights, and the kid’s games and performances. These things matter.

Even if they act like it doesn’t matter (like most teens will act), know that it does in the long run. They will remember that you showed up time and time again, that you put family in front of work and you make family your top life priority by being present.

Quality time is a wonderful thing but it is difficult to achieve without having quantity time. Make sure that you are spending time with your family so that you can develop deep relationships that are meant to last a lifetime.

Those relationships will be even more important when life hits rough patches for any of your family. Death, job loss, moves, etc…they all have a huge impact on your lives and you want your family to be the ones you can count on. Developing relationships, as the kids grow up, is what will help each of you when your lives hit rough times.

2. Schedule it on the calendar

We put our work stuff on the calendar because it is important. But what about family time, family events and kid’s activities? If you aren’t putting those things on your calendar, you may want to ask yourself why not?

If you value your family, then the activities that involve your family should be on your weekly schedule. Put in those ball games, ballet recitals, family date nights, holiday parties, and more.

You need to make sure you have time for your family. If your calendar is getting filled up with work stuff every week, then plan ahead. Find out your kid’s activities’ schedules when they start, as most of us get a schedule for the semester or year when they begin practice. Then take that schedule and put the important games or performances on your calendar so that time slot can’t be taken in the future because of a work obligation.

Making time for your family means making things a priority before they come up. Scheduling can be one of the biggest obstacles, so having things on the calendar well in advance should help you immensely.

3. Establish work boundaries

You need to be a team player at work, but you also need to be a team player for your family. Don’t allow your work to over-run your family time.

When you have family activities on the calendar, then be willing to speak up when you are asked to stay late for the third night in a row. Know your boundaries with your boss, so that you aren’t jeopardizing your job, but you also don’t want to minimize the value of your family and your time that you have scheduled.

This is why it becomes important to place the important activities on the calendar, so you know which nights are more important than others at a glance. If it’s not on the calendar, it becomes easy to forget until that date pops up.

Don’t allow your family to be trumped by your job when it doesn’t need to be that way.

4. Have a weekly scheduled no phone time

One of our good family friends is a CFO of the world’s largest property management companies. He is obviously a very busy guy. Yet he is purposeful about making family time on the weekends.

Every Saturday evening, he disconnects from his phone and does not reply to texts, emails, or phone calls (unless it is a true emergency). He does not reconnect with his phone and communications until Sunday evening, long after the kids have been tucked into bed. This allows for his focus to be devoted to his wife and children during those 24 hours.

He is present during the week as well, but he disconnects from his phone and other electronics for a full 24 hours once a week to dedicate his entire focus to his family.

What he does is a great example to all of us. What if we could dedicate 24 hours of the week to disconnect from our devices in order to reconnect with our families?

There are 52 weeks in the year. That would give us 52 days of true, 100% focus of what is most important to us, which is family.

We can work hard to provide for our families, but if we never connect, nor do we develop strong interpersonal connections, what is the point? Then our work and efforts are in vain.

Work hard for your family, but also play hard with them to make the time count.

5. Have purposeful family time

Make your time with family have purpose. If you are all at home, yet you are all in different rooms doing different activities, it doesn’t count as family time. The best kind of family time is when you are engaged with one another in an activity. This way meaningful discussions can take place.

Other options include side-by-side activities. Either help to create bonds and relationships within the family unit. The goal is time together, doing things together.

Being at the same place, but not together is not helpful to creating relationships. Therefore, if you go someplace outside the home, such as a museum or art gallery, make it a priority to stick together to experience things as a family.

Below are suggested activities for you and your family to do together. Create variety to make things interesting and fresh for everyone. Schedule these activities on your calendar, so that work doesn’t come up and take you away from your family time together:

Play board games

Go hiking

Do family yoga

Go indoor rock climbing

Pick a family movie to watch together

Visit a state park

Visit a national park

Go to a museum

Go to an outdoor concert

Go to a play

Take an art class

Go to a make-your-own pottery studio

Get manicures or pedicures

Check out local events in your community

Go fishing

Play a backyard sport like softball or soccer

Attend church

Go swimming

Rent a boat

Go camping even if it’s in your own backyard

Go biking

Go to a beach

Take a scenic drive

Go to a park

Go on a picnic

Play lawn games like croquet or badminton

Go to an art gallery

Plan and cook a meal together

Make holidays and birthdays a celebration

Read books aloud (especially great for families with smaller children)

Complete craft and art projects (there are at least a million ideas on Pinterest)

Go to a fair or theme park

Attend a craft fair

6. Don’t sweat the small stuff

Many times in life, we allow the small stuff to get the best of us. We get upset about things that won’t matter a year from now, or for that matter, even a week from now.

If it doesn’t matter in the long run, then let it go. Some things are not worth getting upset about which in turn get the rest of the family upset. Usually if one parent is upset, it creates an upset in the entire family. Don’t let your time together as a family get upset by things that shouldn’t.

A bad day at work? Leave it at work, don’t bring it home. A fight with a friend? Forget about it for now, and commit to have a conversation with the friend after your family time. Your teen is not completing their chores? Let them know they will do it after family time, but don’t guilt them so that it ruins your family time.

If it isn’t something that must be dealt with immediately, then don’t allow it to interrupt your family time. Chances are the problem will still be there and in the same condition when you get back to it later. Deal with emergencies, but let other stuff slide and get to it later.

Make your time and focus intentional on the family, rather than extraneous junk that can be dealt with later.

7. Make kindness and forgiveness a policy

It becomes difficult to have quality family time if there is arguing, anger, hostility, and other negative emotions going on between family members.

If you have serious issues that impede on family time habitually, then it’s time to get some family counseling. If it’s bickering, lack of forgiveness, and/or general lack of kindness, then a policy needs to be established so that family time is a time for everyone to get along.

Meanness or lack or kindness will not be tolerated. The example begins with the parents. Teach your kids by talking about kindness, but also by being an example of kindness to your fellow family members.

If things start getting unkind, then have a key word that helps family members remember that they are supposed to be kind to one another and not to bicker, argue, name call, or be unkind. Our family’s key word is muskrat. You can think of your own word and perhaps make it funny to lighten the mood when undesirable behavior does arise.

8. Make sure time away from work is time off

Are you taking your work home with you every night? Are you playing catch up after hours? Are you still returning work calls and emails after work? If this is your daily habit, then you may need to access your situation.

Can you begin to wean yourself from bringing home work and doing work activities after work hours? If you can’t stop cold turkey because the panic that rises inside you is too overwhelming, you can begin to wean yourself from afterhours work. This means you find ways to cut these things more slowly from your evening routine, so that you are giving more time and priority to your family in the evening.

If you are working tirelessly in your job and it is not humanly possible to get it all done during a normal working day, maybe it’s time to talk to your boss. Make sure you have legitimate examples and a breakdown of how your time at work is spent, so that they can see your point of view. Present it in a way that they can step into your shoes and see things from your perspective.

Not all bosses will understand, but there are also laws surrounding work hours and wage. If you aren’t certain if your employer is violating wage and hour laws, but you think there is likely a problem, then you can contact the US Department of Labor, Division of Wage and Hour via their free hotline at 1-888-487-9243.

9. Use family meetings for deep discussions

When tough topics come up, like setting rules and dates for family time together, make it a family meeting at the dinner table. Sit together and discuss things, free of electronic distractions, so that you can all understand one another and the goals.

When you say “family meeting time”, everyone should know that it’s time to gather around the dinner table for an important discussion. If you have never done this before, then you can call your first family meeting to discuss your plans to have weekly family time and come up with ideas together.

Our twins are only four years old and they are always included in the family meetings. These meetings can start at a young age, that way each family member knows that they are valued from a young age. Their opinion and inclusion in discussions is important, because they are part of the family, regardless of age.

10. Make the time enjoyable and not a punishment

Don’t ever use family time as a threat. Time together as a family should never be perceived as a punishment. If it is, your approach or the activities together are not right.

Find activities that everyone can enjoy to some extent. You will never find something everyone loves to do, but you can find activities that all will like to do. The goal is an enjoyable time together where you are bonding together through activities and interactions. The more face to face interactions the better. Games can be of great value because they require more immediate interaction.

Make your goal of family time to be enjoyable and fun, so that everyone looks forward to that time together. Include your children (especially the teens) in your discussion of how family time should be spent, so that you have an idea of what everyone finds enjoyable.

You will end up with great family memories because your family activities were a positive experience. You will also be forming bonds that will help strengthen family unity.

11. Be committed to regular family time

Making time for family shouldn’t just be reserved for birthdays and holidays. If those are your guidelines for defining family time, then you are missing out on the rest of the year.

Time with family should be a regular weekly commitment. If you want family ties and true family relationships, you need quantity time and not just quality time on the rare occasions.

Showing up for birthdays and holidays is simply not enough to make meaningful connections and deep relationships (ask any kid who has been in a divorced situation and only sees one parent on those special occasions). The relationships lack depth if everything is always on the surface level.

In order to develop relationships below the surface, time must be invested. Making a commitment to things like dinner as a family several nights a week can make a huge impact on family relationships in the long run. If you can’t all be home for dinner, think about other options that don’t take long periods of time, such as half hour family walks in the evening several days a week.

The time commitment isn’t huge, but doing it consistently is what makes an impact. You get to talk about what is happening to your kids throughout their week and not just highlights on the weekend when they may have forgotten about what happened during their week.

12. Family dinners are a wise investment of your time

If you can make one thing a priority in family time, it should be doing family dinners at least several times a week.

Michigan State University examined research studies about family dinners and found that kids from homes that did family dinners at least three times a week had better grades, were less likely to develop eating disorders, had better language development skills, and better health.[1] They also stated the following of importance:

Frequent family meals are associated with a lower risk of smoking, drinking and using drugs. Additional associations include lower incidence of depressive symptoms, suicidal thoughts and better grades in 11 to 18 year olds.

Dinner time not only helps form relationships and meaningful conversations during the week, but also has overall benefits that affect the development of children and teens.

You have to eat meals anyway, so its something that won’t cost your family anything extra to do together. Don’t allow electronics to be a distraction at dinner time, keep them away from the dinner table to keep the attention on family conversations and interactions.

12. Put distractions aside

The biggest distractor from family time is the phone. If you have teens with smart phones, it becomes an easy distraction from family time, which means family relationships are being disrupted. The quality time needed to form meaningful relationships is non existent.

Make rules, for adults and minors to abide by when it comes to phones and other electronics. Make family time as distraction free as possible. They can check their email and texts after family time. If an emergency comes up, you will know it because the person will likely call repeatedly.

Everything else can wait until after family time. It likely will not affect your life, work, or social life if you have to pause your phone activities for a few hours. If you can have a basket in the house for everyone to place their phones during family time so that you all are completely distraction free, then you are truly winning!

Keep the devices away and you are likely keeping the distractions away, so that everyone can be present in mind and body during your family time together.

13. Make family time a judgement free zone

Life is hard enough. We get judgement from the rest of the world all day long. Time with family should be a safe haven from judgement.

Make a rule about passing judgement on one another when you are having family time. If there is a serious issue that needs addressing, call a family meeting to discuss the issue. Otherwise, let it be.

Let your family be themselves, warts and all, and let them know they are accepted and loved for just the way they are. Because isn’t that what family is supposed to be about?

At the end of your life

Friends tend to come and go, but the people who tend to stick the closest from birth to death are family. We don’t get to chose them, but we can make relationships stronger, closer, and more positive by implementing these above tips on creating positive family time together.

The bonds created when your children are small can last a lifetime. The key is making meaningful bonds and loving relationships that are built on positive experiences and quality time interacting together.

Time in the same home, yet never interacting makes you roommates. Doing activities together, having meaningful conversations, having quality weekly family times and doing life intertwined together makes you a family with bonds connecting you for a lifetime.

Kids go from zero to 18 quickly. If you are buried in your work, you may just miss out. Make family a priority today by choosing family time and getting it on everyone’s calendar right away.

Calling a family meeting is the best way to get the ball rolling. Don’t forget to ask your children what they would like to do for family time to get started on the right foot.

Featured photo credit: Unsplash via unsplash.com

Reference

[1]^Michigan State University: The value of family meal time

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